#yes this is a selfish ask as this site is falling apart for me but. seriously. i create for free. im not saying my stuff is for everyone

[the-kipsabian]

seriously tho reblogging stuff helps so much more than just getting it into tags

seriously. the reblog button is free. support artists who make fun stuff for you to look at for free. show some love for gifmakers and fanartists and fic writers and editors and vid makers and crafters and everyone else

seriously. the button is right there. click it. tagging is optional tho encouraged

seriously. just reblog things that people make

[tinyjeanmarco]

grisha relationship hc’s!

note: hi, this might barely get any reads, but i really love grisha, okay? enter the dilfverse with me. this is set in modern day! it also turned out SUPER long, so please enjoy! ♡

grisha x gn!reader

warnings: none.

you met grisha on a dating site. yes, that’s right, you met him online.

he’s a hot doctor and he seemed like a very sweet man from what you read on his profile, so after matching with him, you began to chat.

you quickly found out that he had two sons, one that was in his twenties, and one that was seventeen. zeke and eren.

he was worried that would be an issue for you, as it was for people in the past. 

you quickly reassured him that you did not mind whatsoever.

when he took you out on dates, they would always be to some really fancy restaurants, because, as a doctor, he could afford it. he just loves treating you when he gets the chance.

he would never let you pay for dinner, he always would insist on being the one to cover the bill.

eventually, you two made it official and started going steady, much to his son eren’s displeasure.

you two had no idea what eren’s deal was with you. sure you were much younger than grisha, but that shouldn’t be a reason for eren to hate you.

you had met zeke a few times before, and he was pretty chill with you, he understood that you and his father really liked each other, so he made an effort to get to know you.

but no one had any idea what eren’s deal was. 

grisha speculated that perhaps it was that he wasn’t ready to move on from his mom after she passed.

you had actually witnessed many occasions where eren would argue with his dad about how he didn’t like you and didn’t think it was a good idea to start dating you.

it hurt your feelings, but you never really said anything because you knew it was hard on eren and you didn’t want to say anything to grisha to drive him and his son farther apart.

eventually, eren accepted the changes, and while he was still unhappy, he conveyed it quietly instead of bursting out angrily.

he would rarely talk to you, and this didn’t change once grisha asked you to move in.

most days where you were at the house, were pretty lonely, even with eren there. grisha would be at work, you would have a day off, and when eren got home from school, he would grab a snack and retreat to his room.

he didn’t say hi to you, just gave you a wave and dismissed your presence.

you decided it would be good to bring up to him one night when you two were settling down for bed. he was livid, wanting to go talk to eren right that moment, but you grabbed him by the arm, keeping him in the bed with you.

you explained how you didn’t want to upset the relationship between the two. grisha was honestly upset about the whole thing and just decided to apologize and hold you extra close that night.

promises he will sit down with eren that weekend and talk to him about it and try to get him to be nicer to you and accept you as his new parental figure, because he wants to spend his future with you.

that saturday, you wake up and eren greets you which is already weird. he tells you his dad is at work, so it’s just you two. you nod and head to make your morning coffee.

eren confronts you and asks if he can talk to you. when you agree, he tells you his issue the whole time. 

he thought his dad was trying to replace his mom with some new partner, he just thought it was too soon, but didn’t realize how selfish he was to everyone else involved.

he never took into account that his dad was ready to be happy again, and that he wouldn’t just forget his last partner.

you hug eren (which you have never done before) and he apologizes again, saying he wants to get to know you since you’ll be a big part of his life.

you decide to take him to the arcade that day, just the two of you, so you could spent quality time together.

grisha gets home before both of you, and is honestly super surprised, but very excited to see you two talking and laughing, getting along when you guys get home as well.

grisha suggests going out to dinner that night as a treat for both of you, and that way you can all three spend time together as a family.

eren readily agrees, and so do you. that night was a blast, filled with lighthearted laughter and full hearts.

enough of the backstory with how you and grisha got together!

grisha was super confident and flirty when you first started dating. he would be pulling out those compliments all the time, making you feel wonderful.

kissing grisha was one of the best pastimes. he was so good at kissing since he had a lot of experience. it comes with age.

he would cradle your face in his hands as he kisses you, being so gentle and making sure you felt loved.

whew, making out with this man? it would be steamy as all heck. he would love to have you perched on his lap when you two make out, his hands on your hips.

he likes to press kisses to your jaw in passing. kinda like a kiss on the cheek, but on the jaw.

this man knows what makes you tick and will do his best to make you weak in the knees.

he loves to have a hand on your waist or hip when you’re together.

he also loves to have a hand on your thigh, too. he especially does it when he’s driving. he’ll reach over and rest his hand on your thigh, rubbing circles in with his thumb.

i think instead of holding hands, he will prefer to have you around his arm. sure, he will still hold your hand, but he enjoys the feel of your hands/arms wrapped around his bicep.

he also loves carrying you or giving you piggyback rides.

he’s really good at cooking, but since he tends to be really busy with work, he doesn’t get around to doing it often.

when he does though? you’re in for a treat.

grisha really loves your cooking though and gets overjoyed when he comes home from work to see you made something for dinner.

ohhh grisha is the type who would be so into family movie nights or family game nights.

movie nights would be on fridays. they also typically included armin and mikasa, eren’s best friends, because they would spend the night.

game nights would be on sunday because grisha wants to invite zeke as well to join them in their game adventures.

grisha’s favorite moments are some of the ones where it’s only you two at the house, because you can both lounge around in your underwear and spend the day cuddling.

it doesn’t happen often with him being a doctor and all along with eren usually being home with friends over.

whenever eren is over at armin’s house or mikasa’s house for the weekend though? saturday mornings are spent making breakfast in very few clothes.

cuddles with grisha are the best, because he’ll just have you tucked under his arm with your arms around his middle.

he loves to press kisses to the top of your head when you’re cuddling as well.

when he’s feeling really stressed, he likes to eat sweet things, so you tend to bake him cookies.

he also likes when you hold him close and run your fingers through his hair when he’s stressed. it relaxes him and helps him fall asleep when he is unable to.

grisha’s favorite position to sleep in is with you snuggled into his side, head on his chest.

grisha definitely is one of those guys who would sleep in the nude. he’s just comfy with his body and sees no importance to put on clothes to just sleep.

if you’re not comfortable with that though, he respects you and will put on clothes. i definitely think it takes a while for him to warm up to that point anyways.

overall, grisha is totally a family man, he loves you so much, and he really loves his family.

he wants you to become part of it and enjoy his children. 

oh my god, i see him as a grill dad. he will so grill for your little family whenever he gets the opportunity to. it’s just so fun for him.

makes dad jokes all the time, they’re pretty awful and make you question why you love him.

when you express that to him, he pouts and pretends to cry until you kiss him.

AHH grisha would love to impromptu slow dance with you in the kitchen or living room when you guys have music playing.

he would have a collection of records and a nice vintage record player, so you guys would almost always have some tunes playing in your house.

eren would walk in on you guys dancing, maybe sharing slow kisses, and he would pretend to throw up before grabbing a can of pop and slipping back into his room. 

teenagers, amirite?

grisha is such a good boyfriend and would be an even better husband! (i will make separate headcanons in the future for being married to him!) grisha will give his entire heart to you, so treat him with much love, please. ♡

[painless-innit-colourful]

(Liveblogging ‘Tommy Faces His Traumatic Past’ stream)

'Hi I am currently thinking about that moment after Tommy asked Ranboo to leave after the Prison moment went badly, and he waited for Ranboo to go and then swallowed and let the atmosphere hang for a moment and held his totem in his main hand (I’m pretty sure; he was definitely holding it) and I am telling you, the shot of fear that went through me as I thought “No... He’s not gonna ask Tubbo to kill him, is he?” Now that’d be one way to overcome a fear of dying, holy heck.'

---

Rough edges, shining eyes, a heart of gold. He supposes there's a metaphor or a comparison that could be made there, but to be quite frank, he's sick of the poetic parallels and the dramatic ironies. It's not a tale spun of rhetorical devices and an audience: it's his life, and it hurts. 

Appropriately, the skin on his palms is still tender from scrabbling at the walls of the mock cell, and he can feel every groove of the wood the totem's outside is carved from as he grips it firmly. He's doing away with the allusions and analogies and beating around the bush: there's no easy way to ask this, so why make it even harder? 

It's going to be difficult. It's going to be painful. It’s going to be helpful in future.  Just get on with it Tommy.

Ranboo vanishes up the ladder, and Tommy and Tubbo are left alone in their unused replica of the Final Control Room ('cause their dear friend Eret had a more accurate one). When he turns his eyes to his best friend, Tubbo's giving him a quizzical look. Tommy opens his mouth to begin, but fear stoppers his words, and no sound comes out. He holds fast to the totem and to his courage.

"Are you alright?" His friend's light touch to his arm leads him back. Right. Tubbo. Totem. Question. 

"It didn't work." He says despondently. "I couldn't- In there, I couldn't keep it together." "Tommy-" "Look, Tubbo," Like a paranoid exile hiding in a cave, he casts another glance towards the ladder, double-checking that they are truly alone. "And you can't tell anyone this, but I need you to trust me, because I've thought a lot about this." 

Tubbo's expression is unreadable for a moment, like his solicitude is elsewhere, like he's remembering something, and then he's back and he's squeezing Tommy's arm. "I trust you, Big Man." And Tommy can tell he's being earnest, so he pushes on. "What is it?" "We had the chance, back in that vault- We had the opportunity to slit Dream’s throat, and we didn't, and- And we agree on this right? Dream... Dream needs to go." 

Tubbo seems to think about it for a moment, "You think the revive book isn't worth it?" "Tubbo, I-" If his words could stop clogging up his throat every five seconds, that'd be lovely. "Listen to me, I've been to- to the other side, and I've been here, and I've been in between, and- and I mean this, I would've rather- rather stayed there than be in between again." "Really?" Tommy nods curtly. "Really. It's not worth it." "Well, I'm glad you came back, even if it sucked for you." Lightly, but not without a hint of worry in his voice, Tubbo half-laughs. "That sounded selfish." And Tommy feels wretched about what he's going to ask him to do. 

"Look, Tubbo," He clears his throat for good measure. "If I'm going to kill Dream, I can't get into the prison cell and panic. That- That could cost the whole operation, and I can't let that happen." "Tommy, you-" Tubbo cuts himself off this time, "Tommy, do you really have to do this?" 

"Yes, I do." His quiet determination matches Tubbo's building exasperation. "I have to do this because he's- he's ruined me, he's broken me and I can't let anything else happen to this server because of our fighting." Their faces and feelings fall to the same resignation as swords impale them against the walls of a room very much like this one, as L'Manberg burns behind their eyelids every time they blink. 

"Would you like to try again?" The reproduction of the cell, his tomb, beckons, but Tommy's mind is made up. "I can come in with you this time." A jolt of warmth emanates from his heart at the offer (he wishes it were that easy) and races through his bloodstream, momentarily soothing the aching feeling all around his body, from his head to his feet to his fingertips, and he feels practically like a person again for a few seconds. 

"Actually, I- I want you to- Only if you- I won't force you but-" He's abruptly aware of a substantial volume of saliva in his mouth, or maybe he's just too scared to say it out loud. Tubbo waits, his fingers mussing with the end of Tommy's sleeve. "What is it?" 

He raises aloft the totem so they're both looking at it, and then very carefully, so he knows he hasn't said it wrong, he says it: "I want you to kill me." 

"What?" His adrenaline spikes; no turning back now. "I want you to kill me, and because I have this totem I'll be fine. I can't be scared of dying if I have a totem on me, but I still get scared of getting close, so I want you to kill me. Please." He tacks on hastily, opting to look at the sword at Tubbo's side so he doesn't have to meet his eyes. 

"You... Where are you gonna get another totem then?" And Tommy squints at Tubbo for a second, because really, that's what you come out with after that? "I don't know, your husband?" Tubbo giggles a tad despite the concern in his eyes. "Excuse me, I'm the gold-digger here, get your own." And they both crack up, and some of the tension lifts from Tommy's shoulders. 

"Okay, seriously, you want me to kill you?" The terse air settles between them as Tubbo's hand floats to his sword. "I- Yeah." "Because then you can't be scared of being close to death." "Mmhm." "So you want me to kill you, right now, right here?" 

Tommy nods steadily, and Tubbo, still uncertain, unsheathes his sword. The blade isn't the sharpest, but it'll do the job. Tommy swallows thickly. "I- I trust you. If it were anyone else... Never." 

He thought about how, whenever he'd asked to be hit earlier, it was Tubbo who'd stepped up to the plate. Certainly, it was true at the time that he'd felt the jolt of terror and pain, but he was always glad it was Tubbo. There was an unspoken promise in their shared glances, their short requests and careful responses. 

“You know I’d never do that, right?” An echo of an old memory, from a less-than-ideal location. “I won’t turn on you or go insane like Wil and Techno.” “Mmhm… And I you.”

"Ready?" Tommy waves the totem around to illustrate, "This better not be a bloody decoy." Their shared smile is forced and wavering, flickering like a candle, shaking like fraying ropes, reaching for a hand that isn't there. The hand is on his shoulder, Tommy notes faintly: it steadies him as the sword pierces his gut, snatching all the air from his lungs. He's drowning in a sudden wave of 'Why here? Why the hell did we stay here?' as a familiar numbing sensation starts to wash over him like the tide, receding in parts and then coming back for more. The darkness entices him - the very same darkness he's been fighting to outrun all along, the same darkness that engulfs him and all his friends in his nightmares. Once, many moons ago, they were all blissfully ignorant of that shadow that stayed firmly three steps behind them and six feet below. Except now, at least for Tommy, death is a memory, and with a totem in hand, he rises to meet it. 

Tubbo rips the sword out, and the body of his best friend crumples to the ground like paper disregarded and consigned to oblivion. His weapon hits the ground with a clatter and his sword arm falls limp, reluctant to acknowledge Tommy's blood on the blade as he watches, hands balled into fists, nails digging into his palms, as the totem in Tommy's hand starts to glow, golden light emanating from the emerald eyes and intricate details. About time. About bloody time. 

It's pitch black, and the totem is gone. Tommy feels weightless. Tommy feels like a person made of pieces, loosely strung together like a marionette doll. Tommy feels helpless and alone, and quite possibly dead. 

Make no mistake; there's also that perverted sense of comfort, ever-present as it seems. A welcome gift, he supposes, to what should be the rest of your eternity. He feels all his 'worldly worries' start to scatter, leaving him feeling so empty he's clawing at nothing to get them back. No worries, no troubles and no meaning. That is the lot of the dead. Yet, Tommy will not be one of them, not today. 

Everything returns to him so quickly, it almost feels like he's having aspects of his personality thrown back at him with the force of bricks launched from cannons. Should he reach out to grab them, or should he let them go? The darkness begins to melt away, leading him back to a room full of chests and a friend, and for a second he imagines he hears a familiar voice tease: "You should take off your coat Tommy, you look like you're not staying." 

The instant his soul is catapulted back into his body, instincts kick in, and his wobbling legs somehow get him halfway across the room before they get too tangled up and surrender. He doesn't bother cowering - it's Tubbo - instead, he chooses to pull his shirt up to his ribs. The entry site of the stabbing has healed, golden radiance under his skin like godly blood swirling away from the closed wound and leaving it the proper crimson hue of mortals. It worked. He's back. He's back. 

Suddenly, he's hit with a force equitable to several small dogs and, oh, it's Tubbo. His arms rest wearily against his best friend's back as the smaller boy buries his head in Tommy's shoulder, folding him into his arms and cradling him tightly. "I- I'm ok- Are you crying?" His response from the shuddering mass of brown curls next to his head comes quietly, "Don't ever make me do that again." "...Okay. I won't." 

Eventually, they break apart, Tommy noticing the red rims around Tubbo's eyes as he messes with Tommy's shirt. "Ah, dammit." "What?" He gives a tiny snort-laugh marked with tears. "I've put a hole in your d*mn shirt." He looks down at it too. "That's alright, long as you fix it." Consequently, Tubbo gives him a funny look, which he raises his eyes to meet with bemusement. "Yeah, right. I'll fix it, it's nothing." 

Tubbo holds his eye contact for close to ten seconds. "You have..." He shifts across the floor to the left, putting one of the lights at his back, before reaching out and taking Tommy's face in his hands. "You have little flecks of gold in your eyes, dude." "I- What?" Tubbo drops his hands and nods. "You've got gold in your eyes now, boss man." "Does it-" He jumps to his feet, somewhat unsteadily, and strikes a pose. "Does it make me even more incredibly good-looking?" 

Tubbo snorts. "Something like that. It's not bad, just... After-product of the totem, I'd guess. Which is interesting to know." He gets to his feet too, hand finding Tommy's side and holding on by a fistful of cloth. "Hey, how about, are you alright?" Tommy asked, picking the hand up and slinging it over his shoulder so they stood hip-to-hip, heads tilted up and down for each other’s benefit.

"I'm fine, just... That wasn't the most fun." Tommy ponders for a moment before responding. "I think I'd be concerned if it was." They chuckle a little. "No, but seriously man, thank you, for doing that." He says sincerely. Tubbo smiles back, all of a sudden seeming too tired to even stand, and Tommy stoops a little to catch him before he faints or something. "Just... did it work?" 

Did it work? The darkness still terrified him, ripping the warmth from within him, and he wasn't totally expecting to go back there when using the totem. So, points for new knowledge discovered, perhaps? Despite all that, though, the look in Tubbo's eyes makes his mouth move on its own. He looks so weary. 

"Yeah. I feel... less afraid now. Honestly." He tacks on, for the dubious non-believer by his side that could always tell when he was lying. "I... I can do this now." "...Okay."

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Kino (Story 09)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too!

Monologue

A few days passed after that, and the hostility between Reiji and Shu-san only continued to grow.

But then, one day Reiji-san called all the members to gather in the living room after a really long time.

And with this, Reiji-san started talking to everyone again.

Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room

Reiji: Dissension apparently keeps spreading inside this mansion. I certainly believe everyone is aware of this matter.

If this dispute continues during any battle, it might end up giving the enemy a chance to take advantage of it.

Therefore, Shu, the cause of all this, will be incarcerated in the basement for the time being.

Yui: In the basement… !?

Yuma: Wait, isn’t that kinda rushed? We don’t even know whether or not that’s true, so no matter how you put it, isn’t that too extreme?

Hey, stop being silent and say something back already!

Shu: …Have it your way. It would be way more troublesome to investigate it anyway.

Yuma: ...Because of you keeping up your fucking attitude, we’re… !

Reiji: Yuma. There is no point in starting a fight right now.

However, I certainly will accompany you to the dungeon. Let us go, Shu.

Shu: ...Yeah.

*both leave*

Yui: No way… both of them...

Yuma: Fuck… why is all of this shit happening!?

Yui: Yuma-kun ...

Kino: Big brother Shu, he’s so pitiful. But this was the best decision, wasn’t it?

Yui: ...Nn!

(He’s once again enjoying himself. How can someone be able to hurt others and then laugh about it so casually?)

(For the sake of him getting the powers of Karlheinz-sama… are the others really such hindrances to him?)

Monologue

The ominous air around Shu-san was getting thicker day by day, which is probably because of Kino-kun being the only person around him every now and then.

But Kino-kun is obviously involved in Shu-san’s imprisonment that was done by Reiji-san.

And like that, a whole day passed without me being able to do anything about it.

Kino-kun tends to stay by my side day and night in order to remind me of something. If I’d try to do something, he’d push his fangs without delay into my skin.

I feel even more frustrated knowing that I can’t do anything.

Because I can’t do anything, I decided to help out with any sort of housework in search of anything that might be helpful.

Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room

Yui: (Kino-kun is still trying to make his brothers go against each other)

(Eventually, his plan is to have Shu and Reiji-san fight against one another. And then, next would be Ayato-kun and the others—)

(If nothing is done about this, Kino-kun might really end up getting what he wants. So what can I do… ?)

Reiji: Are you done cleaning here?

Yui: Ah… yes. I’m done with the living room.

(Fortunately, Kino-kun isn’t near me right now since he’s patrolling on behalf of Shu-san)

(I don’t think Reiji-san would easily believe in anything I’d say, but I should try to tell him anyways)

(But if I do talk about it, it would be dangerous for Shu-san, let alone me—)

Reiji: What are you so befuddled about? Do you want me to give you more housework?

Yui: Ah... yes. If it’s okay, of course.

Reiji: Then, could you please deliver those clothes to Shu’s room?

Yui: Is it okay for me to enter without his permission though?

Reiji: Yes. It does not matter since there will be no one entering that room anyway.

Yui: Alright, understood. I’ll keep going then.

Place: Scarlet mansion — Shu’s bedroom

Yui: (Reiji-san said that it’s not bad to enter without having anyone’s permission, but I want to get this done quickly and leave right after)

Alright, now where does he usually put his clothes again…

*Yui bumps into something*

Yui: Uwah… that was dangerous. I almost got that book to fall out of its place.

(Eh? There seems to be something below the book…)

Is this… a letter?

But… Shu-san is most likely the type of person who messes up his room rather than keeping it organized properly.

Ah… come to think of it...

*flashback*

Kino: Now that you’ve come this far already, I might as well tell you about it.

I was the responsible one for Shu and Ruki to meet up the other day.

Yui: Eh!?

Kino: I wrote a letter to Shu, while I pretended it to be from Ruki. And then, both of them encountered each other in the forest.

As I expected, I influenced Shu with it. The fact that Yuma and Azusa did have a secret meeting, all of those details… they were written down in that letter.

*flashback ends*

Yui: ...No way, this is—!

(As expected… that’s the letter. I have to hurry up and let Reiji-san know about this!)

Place: Scarlet mansion — Reiji’s bedroom

Reiji: “Yuma and Azusa ended up having a clandestine meeting”

"And if you want to know more information that you do not know about yet, come to this place alone"

...In this letter… there is a map carefully enclosed with it.

Yui: The place that’s mentioned in here is also the spot I saw Shu-san and Ruki-kun meeting up the other day!

That’s why I think Shu-san simply saw this and headed straight to the forest on that day.

He did that for the sake of knowing the truth of what was written in the letter...

Reiji: But then why is it that this guy did not instantly notify us about such an important matter…

Yui: I’m sure he had a reason...

Reiji: No. Even if you say that, it does not justify anything.

He received a letter that might have been from someone else, and even so, he had the audacity to leave like a moron.

And despite that, he purposely left alone to make sure of it...

He might have tried to lower possible damage in a situation like that. For that reason, I believe that is why he went there all on his own.

Yui: Yes... I think so too.

Reiji: I simply cannot allow myself to forgive Shu’s selfishness, but to think that he would take action into doing this for his family, I do understand that.

It appears as if I, of all people, have greatly misunderstood him.

Yui: (I can’t believe I was seriously able to tell the truth to Reiji-san… !)

A-Ah, I know this letter still has Yuma-kun’s name written on it, but that’s...

Reiji: There is no excuse needed. I have already done something that has fueled my suspicion once so far.

I do think it is valid that the content of this letter is trying to throw us into adversity. But I am not planning on threatening Yuma because of that.

Yui: (That’s good…)

Kino: I’m back, big brother Reiji.

Yui: Kino-kun!

Kino: I just eavesdropped on what you two were talking about. About that, big brother Reiji...

This thin piece of paper is literally no evidence that Shu might not end up betraying us after all.

That letter could still be Shu’s own idea to trick us, y’know?

Yui: (Even now he’s still trying to say things like that… ?)

Reiji: That is certainly impossible.

Kino: Hah? How can you say that so easily?

Reiji: This man is way beyond indolent to execute such intricate matters such as this.

That is why this man is definitely not the type to do that.

Kino: Why… you don’t even know that for sure…

Reiji: I do know. He is still my brother after all.

Yui: Reiji-san...

Kino: Brother...

Reiji: ...It appears as if I was being the only one acting rather impatient that night. I am ought to reflect on my decision.

I should also go and explain this matter to Yuma…

*Reiji leaves*

Yui: (That’s good… this should definitely clear off the uncomfortable feeling Shu-san and Reiji-san had until now)

Kino: ...That guy… I thought he’d immediately trash that letter after he read it...

Just why for fucks sake didn’t he do that!? That good-for-nothing… !

In the end, I should have thoroughly agitated their distrust rather than just playing around like this.

I was expecting the sort of development where they’d kill each other right in front of me!!

Yui: How can you do such a terrible thing...?

Kino-kun, you’re the same as Shu-san, you’re brothers, right? And yet, why...

Kino: Don’t compare them with me! Doesn’t matter if we’re brothers or not, I’m different from them!

Choices

1) Make an objection (black)

2) Keep it to yourself (white)♡♡♡

— Make an objection

Yui: But you’re the same!

Even if the environment in which you grew up is different, and you’ve been apart from each other...

You inherited blood from the same father, right? Then that obviously makes you brothers!

Kino: What you just said… for real, it must be a natural gift for you to piss off others. You say things without even knowing anything about me.

Yui: I’m sorry… but it’s not—

Kino: I don’t need an apology!

— Keep it to yourself♡

Yui: (Why does Kino-kun say something like that?)

(Although he admitted that he’s one of Karlheinz’ sons, he does seem rather unappeased)

(Maybe there’s more behind it than the fact of Kino-kun being his illegitimate child)

Kino: Did you suddenly turn silent because your impolite behaviour bothers you and you want to apologize for it now?

But... it’s too late for that now... !

end Choices

Kino: I’m... different from those guys who kept on living in such a lukewarm place ...

Even now that we’re in the same situation, they still naturally hold anything and everything in their hands… !

*Kino grabs Yui*

Yui: Eek… !?

(Kino-kun… he’s too powerful… I can’t push him back…)

Kino: I am… different from those guys who have been blessed with just about everything ever since they were born… I’m different…

And even so, you say things you don’t even understand… so I won’t forgive you...

Ngh… !

Yui: ….. ! It hurts… Ahh...

(It feels as if I’m being pinched between his fangs… neither do I like him drinking my blood...)

(Nor is he biting down lightly right now…)

Nn… Agh...

Kino: You can’t make me angrier anymore.

By the way, I’ll tell you something. The reason why I’m so jealous of those guys...

I might be Karlheinz’ son. But… I was abandoned by him in a hinterland area of ​​the demon world when I was very young.

I was discriminated against, persecuted, and there was nowhere for me to go...

Yui: Nn… Such...

Kino: I should be a prince, right? A genuine son of Karlheinz himself. An existence that should be worshiped by anyone.

But I had no other choice but to crawl and live in a rotten plot of land instead.

While those Sakamaki guys were spending their time in a clean and safe mansion... I was all on my own.

So everyone should know! They have to know how great I am in their own way!

Yui: (I wonder if that’s true? Is that the reason why Kino-kun wants to have this kind of power?)

(At least… I now feel as if I’ve seen a summary of who Kino-kun really is…)

Kino: I’m a great person — And I’ll let you know that as well… !

Ahh… Ngh… !

Yui: Ngh… Aghhh...

Kino: Is the way I’m biting scaring you? Ah, you’re still Eve, so I’ll make sure not to kill you.

Yui: (This wound will surely hurt days afterwards… but strangely I don’t even care right now… rather than that—)

Kino… kun… have you really been alone… all this time until now?

Kino: I’m still on my own. The king’s still bound to loneliness. Even if he has his servants and his pawns to attend to him… so what?

Yui: That’s… sad...

Kino: ….. !

Shut up… ! I don’t need your pity!

It has always been meaningful for me to be abandoned… because of this, I’ll now be able to teach them a lesson about me getting on the throne.

I’ll make sure to show off to those who’ve oppressed me until now!!

Yui: (It’s useless... my consciousness is slowly fading already...)

*time passed*

Kino: Haa… Haa… why, did you faint on me already?

Haha... but it felt good.... another punishment because of you disobeying me.

Are you lonely, you ask? Don’t make me laugh. There never was such a thing as that.

Really, this girl… how many times do I have to get irritated until you’re satisfied… ?

Yui: Nn… Kino… kun...

Kino: ...Why don’t you speak to me instead of incoherently muttering?

This whole situation isn’t looking good on your behalf… I hate you for pitying me. I seriously despise all your pity and mercy for me.

But to be honest, how are you thoroughly able to pity me while I only make you go through utterly suffering to begin with?

…..

There’s no doubt… you’re really an idiot.

[lakemojave]

Land of Falling Sun 9

The Aurans thought themselves a solitary people. There were very few Auran strongholds, settlements, or major civilizations, especially in this part of the world. Their families rarely lasted long past the maturity of their offspring, who were often sent off into the world alone at age. They tended to be selfish and withdrawn: self-reliant at best, lonely at worst.

Yet, they possessed a strong sense of tradition, a natural compassion for the weak and downtrodden, and often traveled in flocks.

Auran children tend to grow up with a sort of split identity; they will often seek companionship from many a stranger, but will maintain what they believe to be a healthy distance, often drifting apart from their close friends. They will seek out a life of service, acting as a caretaker or as a paragon of justice, rendered somewhat ineffectual by their gravitation towards their own self interest.

Chipper was particularly worse off than most of their kind.

Born from a father they didn’t know, raised by two mothers--Seed and Pine--in the mountains far to the east of our plateau, Chipper’s early life was typical for an Auran child, for the most part. Their mountains were tall, craggy, and dry, filled with natural prey and good hunting. A small river flowed through the base of the mountains, which brought their families good fishing. They had to hunt and struggle to survive, though the mountains always provided, and they asked for little else.

Since Chipper was a hatchling they remembered sharing the mountains with others. There were many lone Aurans flying the wilderness as well, some of whom even taught them how to harness magic--though it was their Mother Pine who etched the distinctive runes into their feathers. There were many settlers and travelers passing through this country, some of whom sought to live there themselves, despite being helplessly unfamiliar with it.

This was all well and good for years. The Aurans and other humanoids got on well enough, sharing the land but mostly keeping to themselves. They knew who ruled the mountains at heart.

At least, until the company men came to the mountains.

See, these hills were rife and rich with copper, tin, and rumors of gold. There was money to be made here to folks who sought this sort of thing. Swaths of workers and machines and bosses and dynamite and money and blood came in and out of the mountains, excavating massive craters and boring deep holes in the quiet, sleeping land. The homesteads and settlements were quickly absorbed into the operations, adding to their horde of supplies and bodies. The forest--sparse as it was--shrank in the blink of an eye, and most of the Aurans’ natural prey were overhunted and overfished. Much of the Aurans’ hunting grounds were planted over or developed.

Relations between the Aurans and the company men were tense and boiling. Sabotage and theft were common, leading the company men to treat the Aurans less as an occupational nuisance to hostile opposition. When things were at their worst, the miners were given orders to shoot on sight if any of them came too close to their work sites. Many of them were shot down out of the sky without a second thought.

That was not how Mother Pine died.

Mother Pine was tracking a pronghorn one day. She picked up its tracks half a mile outside of a small patch of forest, and as far as she could tell it would make a good meal. Perhaps it would lead her to a herd, letting her uncover new hunting grounds and find sustainable food for months. Instead, She found a logging site, where company men were clearing forest for a new mine. Mother Pine’s grief at the dead forest was palpable, but she wouldn’t be deterred from her hunt. In a moment of weakness, she swooped down to the nearest logger she saw, hoping to ask if he had seen any signs of her prey.

The logger clipped her wing with a rusty sawblade in panic. She died of infection a week later.

Mother Seed was a firm woman, and always wanted Chipper to fly on their own two wings. She loved her partner very dearly, but knew they would part ways once Chipper was of age, which was another four years to go. She mourned very briefly, then set Chipper to practice their magic. Their talent for divining water and food and their skill at warding off the elements was not only essential for their survival, but also quite impressive for their age. With a bit of nurturing, Chipper’s magic would be sufficient for their own survival.

Chipper didn’t stop mourning Mother Pine for years.

-----

Two years later, Chipper was ten years old. Under Mother Seed’s watchful eye, they had met under Auran sages from across the mountains, learning how to inflict their Will in harmony with the world around them. Their favorite sage, a boorish and matronly Auran named Meolu, was the first to answer the question that tortured Chipper more than anything else:

Why?

More on that another time, though. For now let’s just say that much of what Chipper imparts to the wanderer now, they learned from Meolu.

Because of this, Chipper’s magical talent would be sufficient for their survival long before they were of age to leave the nest--at least, as expected. Chipper still hadn’t quite recovered from the loss of Mother Pine, and wasn’t ready to leave Mother Seed just yet. Whenever she went hunting on her own, Chipper’s thoughts would turn to isolation and despair. They would do whatever they could to distract themself. Mediation helped for maybe fifteen minutes, but they found themself tumbling listlessly down the nearest hill for hours on end.

One day, someone found them.

“Hey lil fella,” said a smooth, polite voice coming from somewhere above Chipper’s curled up body. Chipper looked up to see a crouching, human man, resting a rifle on the ground like a walking stick. He wore a beige overcoat over miner’s overalls, along with an overstuffed backpack and an easy, charming smile. “You lost?”

Chipper looked up, dumbfounded. Unsure what to say. They had never spoken to a human, let alone a human man, outside of from under their mothers’ wings. They opened their mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“Take that as a yes,” the man said with a grin. He reached out to touch Chipper’s runes. “Nice feathers ya got there lil fella. You do magic?”

“I…” They never knew fear like this. “I…” What if they answered wrong? “I…” What if he knew they were lying? “I don’t know…” “Hm. You don’t know.” He stood up on his feet and reached for Chipper’s elbow, lifting them up to their feet. “Your parents’ nearby young…I’m sorry, I don’t want to assume.”

This was new. Most outsiders either didn’t know the Aurans’ relationship with gender, or simply didn’t care. That he took the time to ask Chipper’s preference showed respect and reverence for their kind.

“I’m uh, neutral, sir.” Chipper coughed, their voice weary and soft. “Mother Seed is out hunting, I think.”

“You think? You don’t know that either?”

“They do.” A matronly voice came from behind the strange man as Mother Seed descended upon them, two dead rabbits clutched in her talons. She flapped her wings powerfully, steadily, casting a dark shadow over this interloper accosting her child.

“Woah woah, pardon me ma’am!” The stranger stumbled back at the display. “I don’t want trouble or nothing, not at all! In fact,” He took off his hat to reveal neatly combed hair. He brushed it, and lowered his hat to his chest. “I was hoping to talk. I’ve heard from your friends in the area that Chipper’s skill is exceptional for their age, yes?”

Chipper looked at their mother with pleading eyes from behind the strange man. He knew their name--how did he know their name? Mother Seed kept her wings flapping wide, and looked at the man with suspicion and intrigue. Was he looking for Chipper? Why?

“That’s right,” Mother Seed said inquisitively. “What does it matter to you?”

“How old are they? They look old enough to stick it out on their own--at least by your standards, yes?”

Mother Seed paused before her answer. “Almost.” She was flapping more gently now, seeming as the man meant no harm, and they could converse in peace. “They have a few more years left.”

“Well,” The man set down his rifle and hat on the ground and clasped his hands together. “I understand you have fallen on a tough time, what with the miners movin’ in. My group have moved in as well--down by the valley, a short hike west of here. We’re a small community, and we brought plenty of supplies with us.” He turned back towards Chipper. “It’s comfortable for now, but we need more hands to help grow. An attuned Auran such as them could make a tremendous difference to us, and one so young could use a stable community to keep learning.” He turned back to Mother Seed. “You would only have to hunt for yourself, and your child will be safe.”

Mother Seed leaned in close, now towering over the stranger. “You wish to take my child from me?”

The stranger tucked his head into a deep bow. Mother Seed almost fell back. An Auran pledge.

“I want to help you.”

-----

That was the last time Chipper saw their last mother.

[jeonggukingdom]

splinters of love • day XXVI [pjm]

pairing  ⟶ park jimin x fem!Reader

summary  ⟶ a collection of drabbles (one for each day of April) based on prompts by an online prompts’ generator site. Specifically  ⟶  • day XXVI ↳ in which you and Jimin find each other again after years apart and he promises to never let you go again.

genre  ⟶ angst, a tiny tiny bit of smut

rating  ⟶  18+

word count ⟶ 2.189 words

warnings  ⟶ allusions to sex towards the end of the drabble, cheating, heartbreak, hard-hitting confrontation between past lovers.

series masterlist  ⟶ here  (links on mobile may not work, if you’re looking for all the works in this series, you can click on the “!splintersoflove” tag and you’ll find them all there!)

There are some days where you wake up and you know by instinct something is going to happen.

It’s a sensation deep in the guts that follows you whole day long and usually, it is pretty accurate.

This morning you wake up with that sensation of unease that always leaves a foul taste in your mouth, tightens your insides so much it is hard to even gulp down food and store it there and makes you so hyper-aware of your surroundings that every muscle ends up being tense for the entire day.

You are walking down the street to grab some dinner at the convenience store and retreat in the safety of your home when it finally happens.

At first, you don’t notice him.

Eyes glued to the ground and mind rattled with thoughts—most of which work-related—you would barely notice a celebrity even if you were to bump into one let alone someone you would have never expected to be there even in a million years.

“_______?”

The sound of your name is what startles you out of your thoughts.

Your eyebrows furrow, your eyebrows knit together as you slowly lift your gaze up.

Dread and fear are furiously dancing together inside your heart while your mind tries to make sense of what your guts are telling you.

You would recognise that voice amongst thousands. It’s the voice that haunted you for the past two years, filled all of your dreams and thoughts ever since you heard it for the very last time.

But it’s impossible. He can’t be here and even if he were… he wouldn’t talk to you. No.

But your eyes finally land on the man standing before you and in an instant, you are breathless.

Park Jimin.

His dark chocolate eyes are warm and as beautiful as you’d remember them to be. You follow the line of his nose, focus on his plump and rosy lips, on the little smile that tugs them to the side.

He is as beautiful as ever, painfully so.

His hair is blonde now, a stark contrast to the raven mop you were used to. He is mesmerising in his new angel-like persona and you find your eyes glued on him, no matter how much you try to pull them away, fix them on anything else that is not him.

You fear he might just be the fruit of your own imagination, the final evidence that you’ve completely lost your mind and there is no hope for you now.

“Jimin?” Your voice is small, barely above a whisper and it seems to shake him, make him uncomfortable.

How many times have you said that name before, whispered it over and over again in the despair of the aftermath of your break up? Maybe some of that agony still lingers in it to this day. Or maybe it’s your eyes and the way they already shine with tears and anguish.

He diverts his gaze first and your heart turns small in your chest. Does he regret calling your name now? Probably.

You do wonder, though, why did he even bother. He broke your heart two years ago, left you for another woman he loved more than you and never looked back so why… why would he?

Your thoughts halt as he opens his mouth again and the dulcet tone of his voice brings warmth to your entire being.

“How are you?” It’s a simple question but it elicits a bitter laugh out of you. You’d love to ask him why does he even care but you don’t dare to. Pathetic as it may be, you don’t want this moment to end already.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight,” he adds when you don’t retort anything and you can almost make out a hint of guilt in his voice.

“What are you doing here?” You decide to respond because, really, you need an answer because your heart is going all crazy in your chest and your mind is getting funny and dangerous thoughts that shouldn’t be there at all.

He knows this place is around your house, he knows you come here frequently because you always did, even when you were together.

You haven’t seen him in two years. Not a single glimpse of him and now, all of a sudden, he happens to be here?

It looks almost as if he was hoping to run into you.

No. No. You can not think like that. No.

“I…” Jimin grimaces, fixes his eyes on his shoes for a second before lifting his gaze back up to your face, “I was hoping we could talk, actually.”

The fact that you were right does not settle your heart a single bit in fact, it sends your entire system into overdrive. Should you grasp that hope you’re starting to feel, keep it close and hang on to it to the very last second or should you let it go before it’s too late, before you’re left alone and broken once more?

“Why?”

Jimin sighs, shakes his head and dares a few steps towards you until you can almost feel the heat emanating from his body caressing your own.

Your breath hitches.

“Can we do this somewhere more… private?”

You would say no, that out here in the streets is perfectly fine but you can’t bring yourself to say it. Instead, you walk him to your apartment.

It’s stupid, you know it is. You should not let him rekindle with those familiar four walls, you should not spark up the memories of him being inside here to have them haunt you once more when he leaves.

Yet you do it all. You welcome him back in, you offer him a cup of coffee and in a few minutes, you are sitting at the table in your kitchen looking at each other in perfect silence.

“Were you looking for me?” You ask, eyes pointedly fixed on your cup so not to let your gaze linger too long on his beautiful and alluring face.

“Yes.”

“Why? Is there something you need from me?”

Jimin takes in a sharp breath and you sense him fidgeting on his seat as he stares down at you.

“I realise we didn’t end things on a good note but do you really think that low of me?”

You’d like to say no but the truth is that you don’t know. He cheated on you, lied to you and then broke your heart and never looked back so why should you expect something different from him now?

“What do you want, Jimin?” Your voice trembles as your eyes fill with tears. The moment your gaze fixes on him, you are doomed.

The tears come pouring down and you don’t even bother to hide them, pull them away with your fingers and pretend they never happened.

Jimin’s gaze falls on his lap, a deep sigh escaping his parted lips. He looks… defeated and guilty and the sight shouldn’t pain you but it does.

A part of you wants to kick him out of your life once and for all yet another one wants to cling onto him until he promises to never disappear ever again.

“I’m sorry… for everything.” He lifts his gaze back on you and you are surprised to see his eyes glistening with tears. The remorse shines like stars in his eyes and it makes you feel even more complicated.

“I realise I don’t deserve forgiveness but I really regret how I ended things, how I acted before then even and all I did afterwards.”

He gulps down heavily, heaves out another sigh as if every word he is speaking him hurts him more than he is letting you see.

“It didn’t take me long to realise I made the biggest mistake of my life, you know?”

Your eyebrows furrow together, your knuckles turning white around your cup of coffee.

“I wanted to call you or even come here and beg you to take me back but I was so ashamed… Me and Natalie broke up after two months.”

Even the sound of her name on his mouth makes you want to throw up. All the hurt from that time comes rushing back down and you feel like you’re going to choke on it all over again.

You can’t do this, you can’t do this, you can’t do this.

You want to run away. Run away from him, from what he’s telling you, from whatever this is.

“Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because I… I never stopped thinking about you.”

“Please, Jimin… you have no right to do this to me again, please.” Your heart is bare before him as it always was but he had crushed it once so he could it again, over and over even if he only wanted to and that is why you are begging him not to. You are sure you can’t do it all over again.

“I-I know but…” he trails off, his hands grasping tight the table between the two of you and you realise how hard he is trying not to cut your distance short, place those hands around your frame and pull you into a hug.

“Why now? If you broke up with her immediately then why are you here now? It’s been two years, Jimin.”

“I know it’s selfish, ok? I know I don’t have any right and I’m glad you even gave me the opportunity to talk to you it’s just that… I still love you.”

His words break you apart.

You are crying before him, sobbing with the wrenching pain that takes you over completely.

You have been trying to forget him all this time and failing. You have tormented yourself for two years and now he is here to tell you it was all for nothing? That he still loved you like the very first day? Like you loved him still?

You can’t stand it.

His arms are around you and you try to push him away, you yell at him to let you go, you punch his chest and he lets you do it all, he takes it all while silently crying before you, head hung in shame.

You can’t stand this either.

“You broke my heart.” You whimper out and he nods his head, apologizes over and over again until your tears dry and your body relaxes in his familiar embrace.

“I know I don’t deserve you but please give me another chance, please.”

Why do you want to say yes so badly? Why don’t you have at least an ounce of respect for yourself or at least some self-preservation instinct?

“I will never let you go ever again.”

His whisper is full of promises and you’d love to believe him just like that but how can you? You are simply too scared, too hurt, too scarred by your past.

“Don’t do this to me, Jimin. Don’t tell me you love me, don’t tell me you made a mistake, don’t tell me you won’t ever let go of me again if you don’t mean it… Please don’t do this to me, I beg you.”

“But I do mean it, ________. I mean it with all my heart and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you if you’ll let me.”

You should kick him out and forget this ever happened but when his hands grasp your face and you look into his eyes again and see nothing but love and sincerity in them, you simply can’t.

And when he leans forward and you think you should push him away, you don’t and instead, you let him kiss you.

You let his lips mark yours, embrace them as they used to. You let his tongue dance with yours, you let his fingers grasp your frame, caress your skin and take over every single inch of you.

In an instant, you are his again and it doesn’t matter how much you scream to yourself that it is wrong, that you’ll regret it, that you shouldn’t be doing any of this you just can’t push him away.

Your fingers grab his hair, tug on it until he is whimpering in what you know to be pleasure and you pull him harder into you, force your bodies to press against each other until nothing stands between them, not even the fine air.

He undresses you in the kitchen and you let him, he kisses every inch of you and you let him and when he makes love to you, you scream his name over and over again not caring a single bit of who might hear you.

You are his. You always were and in the morning, when you wake up inside his embrace you start believing that maybe he is yours too, again.

You let yourself hope and maybe it’s a mistake in the long run but right now, you are the happiest you’ve been since he closed that door behind his back and you would not trade this with any other thing in the entire world.

Copyright © 2020 by jeonggukingdom. All rights reserved. Do not repost, do not steal, do not translate without consent.

[all1e23]

Astrophile [Pt.16]

Chapter: Double Star

Summary: Pizza and Cuddles. 

Warnings:  Fluff. 

A/N:   So sorry this has taken so long to get out, but here it is! Only one more chapter to go. I can’t believe it’s nearly over! 

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are welcomed! Thanks!**

Pizza was Y/n’s pick for dinner. Mostly because it was rather late by the time they made their way towards a place that served food, thankfully they live in New York though and can get pizza nearly any time of the day or night. Within reason, there was an unfortunate incident when Steve and Bucky were in college, and it turns out six in the morning is pretty hard to find a pizza place that will deliver. Tonight though Bucky wouldn’t have cared what they ate or what they did, she could have offered to make macaroni and cheese back at her apartment and, not the good kind either – the old school blue box with the powdered cheese and, he would have taken those stairs two at a time if it meant he got to spend a few hours alone with Y/n.

All he’s wanted for weeks now is to have her to himself for just a little while. Selfish? Might be, but Bucky doesn’t spend a lot of time being selfish these days. The last time he did anything remotely selfish he ended up with a late-night phone call from a panicked one night stand letting him know he was about to be a dad and, hey, that time it all worked okay – scratch that, it worked out better than okay. It was amazing. Ori is the best part of his life, and maybe she came from a self-indulgent moment, but she is one of the few good things in his life. 

He can add one more thing to that list now that he has Y/n. 

Y/n spent a lot of time talking over dinner. Who knew extra cheese makes her so chatty? Not that she didn’t open up to him on any other night they’ve spent together, but something about this conversation is different. She tells him about growing up with her grandparents, which kids always thought was so cool because who doesn’t like going to their grandparents, right? It’s all candy and hugs, and dollars slipped into tiny hands with the whispered promise not to tell mommy and daddy. 

Of course, Y/n loves her grandparents, but it wasn’t always easy when she was little. They were older grandparents because her parents had her later in their lives so they couldn’t go on field trips or participate in field day. There wasn’t a lot of money to hire extra help for the bookstore so often only one of them could make it to dance recitals or talent shows. That made Bucky briefly wonder if Ori ever feels the same on those long nights when she’s sleeping at Nat’s because he can’t be home with her. He’s spent countless nights lying awake worrying that she’s spent more time with Nat than with him and, one day when she’s all grown up she’s going to resent him for that.

Y/n being Y/n picks up on it right away, quickly squashing the thought with a firm reassurance, Don’t even think about it, James Barnes. You give that little girl your whole self. I’ve never seen a more devoted father. It’s not the same.

At the time, Bucky had rolled his eyes and leaned forward to wipe a bit of sauce off her nose before urging her to go on. Which she does but not before ducking her head to hide that little shy smile of hers. She goes on to tell him about college and taking over the store when her grandparents could no longer run it. She reveals how her parents left to attend a conference and never came back – the calendar, the ink, and the childhood heartbreak. 

All of it.

By the time they arrive back at her place, she’s told Bucky about the pencil on her calendar and how she’s still hesitant to write anything down in permanent ink.  He caught a quick glimpse at the faded marks where their date should have been written on their ascent up the back stairs that lead directly into her apartment from the back office. Bucky knows nearly every secret her heart has to tell, so he figures sharing a few of his wouldn’t hurt. After all, she’s the reason his heart is beating faster, the cause behind those butterflies in his stomach and her smile… well, nothing sparkles quite the way she does when she’s smiling at him. 

And when they are together like this, the whole world makes sense. Everything snaps into place as if it’s always meant to be the three of them. 

“And she just left?“ 

Bucky nods and leans back against the arm of the couch so he can see Y/n as he continues, "Yeah, she grabbed her skinny jeans and took off." 

"I hate that for Ori and you,” she tucks her legs under her and leans her head on the back of the couch facing Bucky, and says with disbelief, “It’s hard to believe she didn’t want to know Ori. She’s the best kid, Bucky. She’s bright and funny and so kind and generous. You did such a good job raising her, and she adores you. You should see the way she lights up when you’re around.”

He offers her a shy smirk and drops his eyes to the woven red thread of the couch because it’s too much to hear those words and see the spark in her eye as she says them. He’s only human. He can only take her beauty in small doses. 

"Thank you. That means a lot. I had a lot of help, though. I’m not sure she would be so amazing if it weren’t for all the help I’ve had over the years. Especially Nat.” 

"Yes, she would. She’s half you after all. Where do you think all that good came from?” 

Bucky looks up and shakes his head, but he couldn’t stop the grin. She scoots closer to him and nods towards the television.

“Pick a movie, Buck. You know I’m right.”

They are navigating something wholly new, and somehow it didn’t feel new at all. Having Y/n tucked against his side as a movie plays in the background and feeling her fingers tracing the lines of tattoo suggests this isn’t the first time he has held her like this, but the thudding in his chest is there to remind him how fresh her touch is. Her fingers pause on the main star of his tattoo, and she looks up at him raising her brows. Bucky reveals the reason behind ink on his arm without her having to ask. He tells her it was a bad night a few months after Ori was born. Steve got hurt pretty badly, and they weren’t able to save a little girl who lived on the top floor of a three-story brownstone. 

He tells her how he couldn’t explain what happened, but Bucky knew at that moment he needed to have a piece of his little girl with him when he was running into buildings most people were running out of and, she had said, “So, you put your heart on your sleeve for all to see.” If it was even possible she gained another piece of his heart right then – that’s assuming she doesn’t already have all of it.

“You would make a very handsome chimney sweep,” Y/n observes as they watch Jack dance across the small television in her living room. Bucky had whined until they put on Mary Poppins Returns, claiming he really didn’t like that she missed movie night and things wouldn’t be right until she watched it.

Bucky dramatically clutches his chest and gasps, “Are you just hanging out with me for my looks?” 

She giggles and buries her nose in his neck, admitting against the soft skin below his jaw, “You do have very pretty eyes, but no. You like me for me. That’s why I like being with you.” 

He doesn’t say anything. Bucky can’t because there is an extremely high chance he’s going to say something stupid. He simply grips her legs that are resting on his lap, pulling them securely against him and she can feel a soft kiss landing on the crown of her head. The world calms enough to let her know she’s the one that’s spinning and everything outside her window quiets, waiting for them to admit what everyone around them already knows. Y/n’s head falls to his shoulder, and she looks up to meet his admittedly pretty eyes, but the words she wants to say die on her tongue and the stars sigh in frustration. 

They had time to talk about it about another night. There is something she needs to know now, though. 

“Hey, for Halloween–”

“Nope.” 

“Come on! How cute would it be?!” 

“It’s not gonna happen, Beck. No matter how far you stick out that lip.” 

“What if I cry?” 

“Christ– Dammit…Please don’t.” 

She breaks down into a burst of laughter thanks to the look of panic mixed with genuine pain on his face. Bucky playfully narrows her eyes and grips her hips, curling his fingers into just enough to give her a hint to what’s about to happen. She doesn’t have time to protest or beg him not to, his fingers are squeezing her sides until she’s breathless with laughter and somehow amid all the tickling, she ends up on his lap with her head resting against his chest. Her chest is still heaving as she attempts to steady her breathing and debates climbing off his lap to claim her former place beside him, but Bucky rests his chin on top of her head and wraps his hand around her calf – his silent plea for her to stay and keep his heart in one piece. 

So she stays.  

Her attention turns back to the movie after tangling her fingers into the soft fabric of his dark blue Henley and burrowing herself as close to his warmth as she can get. This is the first time in nearly a week she let herself relax, and her body is taking full advantage allowing her to give in to how truly exhausted she is, skimming the surface of sleep while surrounded by that earthy, slightly citrus scent that can only belong to Bucky. 

“Come on sleepyhead,” Bucky whispers against her ear as the credits begin to roll on the screen. He is already lifting her into his arms and carrying her towards her bedroom by the time her sleep riddled brain thought up a comeback, and it’s a fairly weak retort that she manages to mumble into his chest, “I am not sleepy." 

Bucky chuckles, "Sure, you’re ready to run a marathon.”  

He lays her on top of her heavy red and orange comforter and pulls the plush white blanket at the end of her bed over her, whispering into the darkened room, “ Get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow.”  

Bucky slowly pulls back letting go of her hand as he retreats from the queen size bed. Something about the whole moment makes him think of putting Ori to sleep, and it has him grinning. Y/n’s eyes flutter open for only a second, and she grabs his hand to keep him from leaving her alone. 

“Don’t go. Stay. Cuddles.” 

Even through her sleepy haze, she can tell he’s hesitant, she cracks an eye and sticks out her bottom lip, pleading with a sleepy voice, “Please? I’ll cry if I have to.”

Good grief, between Ori and Y/n he’s completely screwed. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll stay,” Bucky says instantly. 

He toes his boots off in record time and parks himself next to her on the bed, running his fingers through her hair. He can tell she’s still floating around the edges of sleep despite the proud smirk on her face from getting her way. It’s not that he doesn’t want to slip under those cotton sheets and spend the night wrapped around her, he does. He wants to wake up to find her legs tangled with his and her whole body draped over him, but he also wants her to feel safe when she’s with him. 

Always.

“I’ll stay till you fall asleep, but then I’m moving to the couch. I am not sure you’re in the right headspace to consent to cuddles.” She smiles at that as she leans her head against his thigh and takes a deep breath of his scent before letting herself drift off. 

The early afternoon sunlight comes too soon. They were up till nearly four in the morning and waking up before noon feels like a punishment no one deserves, but maybe Y/n can convince Bucky to sleep in a bit longer. She rolls to her left side and throws her arm out, hoping to connect with a warm body for cuddles; all she finds is a cold empty space, and she jolts up. 

Did he leave after he carried her to bed?

Y/n tosses the blankets off her and slowly wanders into the living room looking for her phone in hopes he at least left her a message, but as she approaches the couch she sees Bucky– He’s crammed his massive body onto her tiny couch and used the small crochet blanket she keeps on the back of said couch to cover him; it doesn’t come close to enveloping him and all those holes didn’t help to keep the cold air out. She decides to let him sleep. Muffins were put in the oven and coffee was brewing, they stayed up late, and he deserves a morning without rush or worry. Breakfast is nearly done and she's in the middle of debating if she should wake him now or let the muffins cool first when a hoarse voice calls from the couch, “Are you making me breakfast babydoll?” 

The spinning is back. 

“Maybe,” She calls back as she makes her way towards the couch with two cups of coffee, “Or maybe I’m just making myself breakfast.” 

Bucky drapes her blanket back over the arm of the couch and sits back down, making room for her to join him. He pictured her apartment a few hundred times, and this is close to what he thought it would look like. The couch was big and red, sitting right in the middle of the room, two green armchairs sit under the far window and the old twenty-four inch tv they watched the previous night is sitting on a lime green chest that he is sure her grandparents bought brand new. 

The black trunk she uses for a coffee has Y/n written all over it, with well worn leather straps and the curio cabinet on the far wall across from the chairs has hand painted flowers on the doors. It felt warm and full of light and all Y/n. Everything had a place he noticed. There isn’t a mess. Not like his place where the mess never seems to end and after getting to know Y/n’s heart the last few months he understands why she likes the mess so much. Y/n sits down next to him and the again cushions sinks, Bucky raises a brow and shakes his head in disbelief.  

“Nah, you wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t want me to cry now, would ya?” 

“No, I think it would break my heart to see you cry,” Y/n glares at his playful wink and passes him the mug full of coffee she made for him – Black with two sugars. Just the way he likes. She takes a sip from her own mug and smirks as she asks, “Did you say consent to cuddles last night?” 

“What?” Bucky clears his throat and holds the ‘i need space’ mug in front of his face, hoping to block the red he knows is rapidly spreading over his face, he says, “No, I didn’t say that. I don’t– I don’t recall that.” 

She giggles, and it makes Bucky grin. He loves that sound almost as much as he loves– likes her. His head is telling him it’s too soon for big feelings like those. If only he can get his heart and head to agree. 

“I have to work tonight,“ Bucky mentions, letting it linger in the air and lifting his left arm for Y/n to curl into his side like she’s been hinting at with every little scoot closer. She’s awake. She can consent to cuddles now and he’s hardly able to keep his hand off her. She looks up from his side where she snuggled up to and asks, “When do you need to leave to get Ori?” 

“Uh, here soon, actually. I like to spend time with Ori before I go in if it’s possible. Do you want to come with me to pick her up? I have to bring her to Nat’s for the night, but I thought maybe we could pick her up and get an early dinner together before my shift.” 

Her entire face lights up, and so does Bucky’s soul. 

“You don’t mind me coming with you? I don’t want to take up your day with her. I know you guys have your alone time and it’s hard to come by.” 

“Ori will be excited to see you. She’s had me all week. I think she’s missed our hangouts and I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want you to come,” He assures her with a kiss to the side of her head and a gentle squeeze to her hip.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll go with you after muffins, deal?” 

“Deal. Oh, and you can plan on being at movie night on Wednesday because it feels wrong without you.” 

“Hold on a second,” Y/n says as she practically jumps off her couch and runs over to the wall calendar that hangs on the wall in her kitchen. She grabs the nearest pen and scribbles on next Wednesday, “Movie night with Bucky and Ori.”

Tony was right. It’s not so scary when Bucky is the one holding her hand. 

-------

When Bucky told Y/n, Ori would be excited to see them all together he was not kidding in the least. She screamed so loud Bucky’s pretty sure the neighbors are going to call the police to do a welfare check. Sam spent their entire twenty-minute visit grinning like a maniac because Bucky held Y/n’s hand the full 1,200 seconds they stood in their doorway�� he fully intends to make Sam pay for every single comment the second he falls asleep tonight. After lunch, Ori asked Bucky if she could spend the night with Y/n instead of Natasha. If it were anyone else he would have told her she needed to stay with Aunt Nattie, but it’s Y/n – it’s their Beck. 

Ori would be just fine with her.

They swing by the house and grab Ori’s things so the girls could have a sleepover in the bookstore because who wants to sleep in a comfy bed when you can spend the night in a sleeping bag on the hard floor in the middle of the bookstore? Y/n and Ori Facetime him before bed, making sure he got a picture of their tent with the twinkle lights from Ori’s birthday party, and first thing in the morning they are calling with a cheerful good morning shout. By the time Bucky hangs up he’s grinning like an idiot and he can’t help but wonder if this is what it would be like if it were the three of them all the time. 

He would be okay with that. 

Sam collapses next to Bucky on that old orange and brown couch, glancing at Clint and Steve before nudging Bucky’s boot with his own, “So, she asked you to be her date to Tony’s wedding? That’s a year from now. I am pretty sure that means she doesn’t plan on dating anyone besides you. Not to mention you spent the night at her place.” 

Of course, the three jerks Bucky has chosen as his best friends have not quit him about Y/n for the last sixteen hours. That is all thanks to Sam informing the entire station Y/n was there when he picked up Ori. He really needs new friends – friends that mind their own business. 

“I slept on her couch,” Bucky retorts with an eye roll and, Sam is quick with a recovery, “Yeah, but she wanted to snuggle. Why can’t you just admit you love her? She’s perfect. I am failing to see the problem.”

There’s that big, monumental four-letter word again – love. Why can’t they take things one day at a time? Why does he have to jump in headfirst and possibly ruin everything they have right now? The last time he asked her out, she cancelled for crying out loud! Bucky doesn’t want to push too fast and maybe, lose her for good this time.

“I wouldn’t say we are at love just yet and it’s a big step, Sam. It’s not like Zoey or Claire–” 

“God, I did not like her,” Sam groans. “She couldn’t even say Ori’s name right.”

“I don’t think she had much interest in peanut,” Clint pipes in after Sam. 

“She’s not some woman I met at a bar that I’m bringing home for the night,” Bucky continues ignoring Sam and Clint’s commentary on his past relationships – well, hookups. No one can call those relationships. “Ori knows her and spends more time with Y/n than I do some weeks. She’s already spun into our lives and Ori’s heart. If things end badly or we don’t fit like everyone keeps insisting… what’s going to happen when Ori gets hurt? 

“You mean when you get hurt? Because that’s what we are talking about here, right?”

Bucky meets Sam’s eyes and then looks up at Steve standing behind them. They are all wearing the same expression, the one that says they had him all figured out and maybe they do. Perhaps he is scared, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong either. “Look, I’m doing this my way. I need to be sure before It’s too late to take it all back.” 

“I hate to tell you pal, but it’s already too late and I think you know that, Buck,” Steve is quick to point out and Sam takes this chance to jump in, “Look, take her out this weekend, and we will watch Ori. You’ve got forty-eight hours off so do whatever you do that makes chicks believe you actually have game and win her over. No more dancing around each other. Just tell her how you feel very clearly. In the plainest words possible because I’m telling you the two of you–” 

“Sam,” Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “This isn’t helping.” 

“I’m just saying, they need it spelled out for them like they are in a Kindergarten class.” 

“What if she doesn’t like me like that?” Bucky grumbles halting Sam and Steve’s bickering. Sam runs a hand down his face in frustration and shakes his head, answering before Steve or Clint could,  “Christ, you are dumb. Why would she want to cuddle your ugly ass if she didn’t like you?”

Bucky has a snappy comment on the tip of his tongue, but there’s no time for snark or a shove off the back of the couch. The board is lighting up, they’ve got a call and Bucky has no time for payback. He jumps up and points at Sam, “Wait till we get back. I’ll show you who’s ugly. I’m damn adorable, and everyone knows it.” 

“Enough,” Steve orders. It’s strange how easily Steve fades away, and he slips right into Captain mode. Steve recites the address back to the team and Bucky goes still, repeating the address in his head several times. 

“Let’s get moving. Buck?” Steve murmurs, coming to a stop in front of the dazed man, “You all right? We’ve got to get going. If this is about what Sam said I need you to let it go till we handle this–” 

“No, that’s not– That’s not the right address. That’s- that’s the store. Y/n’s bookstore.” 

“Shit.”

“Steve. Ori is with Y/n today. They are at the bookstore together.” 

And, Bucky’s entire world went up in flames in a matter of seconds. 

Previous // Next 

[orangeoctopi7]

For Want of a Switch

... A Nintendo Switch, amirite?

No, JK I’ve actually started a new fic because plot bunny/fandom pet peeves wouldn’t let me work.

An AU where things go a little more smoothly at the UFO crash site, Dipper doesn’t make any life-changing decisions without sleeping on it first, and Ford clarifies some earlier statements made while under emotional duress.

Many metaphors have been made about how changing course by just a couple of degrees can lead to a very different destination. How flipping a simple switch can make a difference between a train ending up in Paris or Munich. In this case, the metaphorical switch was as simple as Ford and Dipper not pressing a real switch inside a derelict spaceship. Because of this, no security droids showed up when Dipper found the adhesive, and they were free to continue their conversation about apprenticeship uninterrupted.

“I-I dunno.” Dipper stammered when Ford insisted that Mabel would be fine on her own in California. “We’ve never really been apart before.”

“And isn’t that suffocating?” Ford asked.

“...What do you mean?” Dipper asked for clarification. He was pretty sure he knew where his great uncle was coming from, but he had to be sure. Because if not… well, the boy wouldn’t let anyone talk about his sister like that and not stand up for her, not even The Author.

“I mean always living with the expectations that you have to go everywhere together, to do everything together! I mean when people act as though you’ve done something wrong if you ever try to follow your own path, even your own twin!”

Dipper nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. The teacher over our Quiz Bowl team is always asking me when Mabel’s gonna join, no matter how many times I tell him she’s not into that sort of thing. And every time Mabel gets a part in the school play, everyone else pesters me so much for not auditioning that I end up joining the stage crew, even though rehearsals are the same time as Game Club. Mabel always says I don’t have to, but… I just get so tired of all the other teachers and students getting on my case.”

There were even more instances like this that Dipper could list. Heck, just earlier this summer, Mabel had been upset because he wouldn’t go trick-or-treating with her. But no, Mabel was more upset that Dipper had tried to ditch her without explaining that he wanted to go to the dance with Wendy, and Robbie had made him feel embarrassed about being too old for it. She wouldn’t have been so mad if he’d just talked to her in the first place. Right?

When he stopped to think about it, Dipper realized it was probably even worse for Ford and Stan when they were growing up. They may have been fraternal twins, but they definitely looked identical. And while Dipper had never met his great-grandfather, the few stories he’d heard about the guy didn’t make him sound like a very supportive parent. 

“Dipper, can you honestly tell me you never felt like you were meant for something more?” Ford asked. “More than what people expect of you? More than just being half of an assumed pair?”

“I-I guess… maybe? I dunno. Staying here in Gravity Falls, working with you… it sounds like a dream come true, but I’m not sure I have what it takes. Bill tricked me, and I was wrong about Stan and the portal.…”

“Bill tricked me too, remember?” Ford assured him. “And you were right about Stan and the portal. It was too dangerous, and he shouldn’t have opened it.”

“But then you never would have--”

“I know. Believe me, I know. And I’m so glad I got to come back to Gravity Falls and meet you and Mabel, but… but it’s selfish of me to feel that way, because the event that brought me home put the rest of the universe in danger. Once we find the alien adhesive and seal the rift, maybe I can-- I can finally live without- well, with a little less guilt.” He sighed and muttered under his breath. “Sixty-three years old, and I’m still cleaning up after his messes.” Ford shifted through a few more containers, still looking for the adhesive. “What I’m trying to say is: I think you do have what it takes.”

“If you say so…” Dipper shrugged. “I mean, I can’t even work this magnet gun right!” He held it up to demonstrate and ended up zapping a hexagonal container right to him. It leaked a strange pink goop when he tried to pry it off. 

“That’s it!” Ford cried. “You did it, my boy, you found the adhesive!”

“I did?” 

“Yes! What did I tell you? You do have what it takes, kid, you’re brilliant!” Ford hugged him, and then carefully packed up the alien adhesive. “We can continue this discussion on the way back home. For now, we’ve got bigger things to worry about. I’ve been working on a specialized glue-gun back in the lab. We should be able to fill it with the alien adhesive and seal up the rift.”

Dipper got a few more tries with the magnet gun on their way back out of the crashed alien ship, and by the time he reached the ladder again, he’d actually gotten the hang of it.

“Great Uncle Ford?”

“Yes, my boy?” 

“If… if I do become your apprentice, could we come back here some time?”

Ford grinned warmly. “Absolutely.”

As they ascended the ladder, Dipper paused to take a few more selfies before they left the UFO, and he even got Ford to pose with him in one, but it was clear the old researcher wanted to get back to the lab and seal off the rift as soon as possible. Their climb up was otherwise uneventful. But while Dipper was exiting the ship, his foot caught on the lip of the opening, and tripped over the rock that had been covering the access hatch before. Luckily, his backpack took the brunt of the fall. Unluckily, they heard the loud crunch of something breaking.

Dipper and Ford shared a moment of wide-eyed terror as the boy hurriedly opened up his bag and pulled out the rift. They shared a sigh of relief when they found the crack in the containment unit hadn't expanded more than a millimeter, and was still stable. Dipper rummaged around in his bag and found the offending culprit.

“Phew, it was just my walkie-talkie.” The boy sighed with relief. The speaker had popped out and the Talk button was stuck down. “Oh well, we weren’t getting a signal anyway.”

“I can fix it for you, once the rift is taken care of.” Ford assured him, “But we need to seal it fast, before that crack finally breaks.”

Dipper nodded and gingerly held out the containment unit to his uncle. “I think you’d better carry it from here on out.”

Ford solemnly took the rift and placed it in one of his many coat pockets. “That was close. We can’t afford to have any accidents with this.”

“I’m sorry…” Dipper murmured.

“You don’t need to be sorry, my boy. Just more careful.”

“See, this is what I’m talking about when I say I don’t think I have what it takes! I just almost ended the universe!”

“Almost being the operative word. You almost destabilized the rift, but you didn’t.” Ford reassured him. “Meanwhile, look at all the things you have done! Defeated a swarm of gnomes, faced off against a character from a fighting game brought to life, outsmarted a shapeshifter! How many other twelve-year-olds could do that? This town is a magnet for things that are special. For people who are special, like you and me!” Ford hugged him. “So what do you say, will you be my apprentice?”

“Well… I… it’s a really big decision.” Dipper said slowly. “I’m gonna need time to think about it.”

“You’re right. It is a big decision.” Ford agreed. “And you’ve got the rest of the week to consider it. Of course, I hope you say yes.”

* * *

The sun was just starting to dip towards the horizon when they got back to the shack, the sunlight filtering in long slanting beams between the trees. The beautiful scenery added to Dipper's good mood as he ran up the stairs to the attic, eager to share the day's events with his sister.

"Mabel! I just had the greatest day of my life! Aliens are real, and I got to explore their ship with Grunkle Ford, and-" he halted in his rambling when he saw his sister curled up in a ball on her bed, her back to him. "Mabel, what's wrong?"

She slowly sat up and turned around, revealing her walkie-talkie, still receiving transmissions from Dipper's busted one.

"Tell me I heard wrong, Dipper!" She cried, "Tell me you're not going to stay here and be Ford's apprentice!"

"Well, I… I haven't really made a decision yet." Dipper replied. "I've still got all week to think about it."

"You just had the best day of your life? Well I just had the worst day of my life!" Mabel informed her brother with tears in her eyes. "I found out that everything I was looking forward to in the future, highschool, a birthday party with my friends, even saying goodbye to them at the bus stop before we leave, it's all going wrong! And now I find out you, the one constant in my life, might not be coming home with me!?"

"I-I don't know, I haven't decided yet…" Dipper stammered. "Just give me a couple of days to think about it, we'll figure this out!"

"Why can't you figure out right now that it's a terrible idea!?"

Dipper tried to remember how Ford had put it. He made it sound so clear and logical. "Come on, Mabel, we can't always do the same thing! We have to choose our own path!"

"What does that even mean!?" She threw her hands up. "I'm your sister and your friend, Dipper, whatever you do it's gonna affect me, especially if it's you leaving me!"

“Well, always staying with you is going to affect me and the opportunities I have!”

“I’m not saying you always have to stay with me!” Mabel retorted. “But moving away from home for good? Staying cooped up in a lab with Grunkle Ford all the time? Is that really what you want?”

“I don’t know what I really want!” Dipper steamed. “So far today nobody has given me time to stop and really think about this! You think I don’t have misgivings about moving away from Mom and Dad? But it’s not like I’d never come back, I’d come to visit for holidays and stuff. And I wouldn’t be cooped up in the lab with Grunkle Ford all the time. We’d go out exploring, and I’d hang out with Wendy when she’s done with school for the day, and Grunkle Stan would still be around to make me do chores… probably…”

Come to think of it, Dipper wasn’t quite sure what Stan was going to do once tourist season was over. It was clear Ford didn’t approve of the Mystery Shack, even less than Dipper had when the boy first arrived. Would Stan stay in Gravity Falls after the Shack was shut down? Did he have anywhere else to go?

“Fine!” Mabel huffed as she stormed out of the room. “Take you time thinking about how much fun you’re gonna have chasing fairies with Grunkle Ford, while I’m stuck in Piedmont doing math homework!”

Dipper waited quietly in their bedroom as he listened to Mabel thunder down the stairs. He figured it was probably best to give her some space to cool down for now. They’d talk more about it when she wasn’t so upset, when they could both think clearly. Once the front door slammed shut, he knew it was safe for him to go downstairs. He headed down to the basement to see if Ford needed any help sealing the rift.

* * *

It was early in the evening, but the gift shop was completely empty. Of course, the fact that it was the second-to-last Friday of August didn’t help. Tourist season was coming to a close. Normally the Mystery Shack would cut back to only being open on the weekends once September rolled around, going until Halloween, when Stan would throw together a haunted house and go out with a bang before closing down until the holiday season, when he’d open up for a couple of weeks before shutting down again until Spring Break of next year.

Not this year, though.

This year, Stan would be closing up the Mystery Shack for good.

“Alright, I ain’t payin’ ya to stand around when we’re not pulling in any cash.” Stan barked at Wendy. “Go home!”

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” Wendy shrugged, pulling off her name tag and grabbing her jacket.

“You too, Soos!” Stan turned to the handyman, who was busy pulling boxes out of a closet.

“You sure, Mr. Pines?” Soos asked, “I thought you wanted me to clear out all our old inventory.”

“It can wait ‘til tomorrow. I get the feeling it’s gonna be another slow day.”

“Oh. Well, I could help you clean out the kitchen instead!”

“Soos.”

“You don’t gotta pay me. Oh, or I could vacuum the living room!”

“Go home, Soos! If you’re so set on doin’ chores, do ‘em for your Abuelita!”

“Oh. Ok…”

Stan hadn’t told Soos about Ford’s mandate to close down the Mystery Shack after the kids left, and he worried the handyman would figure it out if he stuck around. Stan also hadn’t told the guy he’d be kicked out after the kids left. Maybe Stan was just trying to spare the kid’s feelings. Or maybe he was hoping Soos’ inevitable water works when he found out would persuade Ford to change his mind. Not likely, but hey, it was worth a shot, right?

The old conman was tallying up the day’s profits in the cash register (there weren’t any) when his hearing aide picked up the bang of the attic bedroom door slamming open, followed by the tromp-thump-clomp-thunk of someone stomping down the stairs, punctuated by the creeeeeeak-slam of the front door being thrown open and then kicked shut. 

“Oh boy.” He sighed, locking the till. He’d had to cheer Mabel up just an hour ago, and he didn’t think it was a coincidence that someone had stormed out of the house just a few minutes after Dipper and Ford got back from their latest nerd escapade. What were those kids fighting about now?

Stan peeked out the window at the front porch, and sure enough, there was Mabel, sobbing on the couch, her head pulled into her sweater. Earlier she’d just been sad and unsure of the future, but now Stan could see her mood had shifted, and not for the better. These were tears of anger and frustration.

“Hey Pumpkin, you alright?” Stan asked as he peeked out the front door.

“No!” 

Right, stupid question. “Well, wassamatter? I gotta punch some jerk for you?”

“No…” Mabel said more quietly this time. Stan figured that was all the invitation he needed to sit down next to her.

“You feelin’ up to tellin’ me what happened, or am I gonna have to play Ducktective?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now…” Mabel mumbled, her voice a bit muffled by the sweater over her face. “Can you just… can you just sit here with me for a little while?”

“Eh, sure, I got nothin’ better to do.” Stan played it off like he was indifferent, but he wrapped a gentle arm around her back. He could tell she appreciated it by the way she leaned into his side.

They sat there like that for maybe five minutes before Mabel finally began to talk on her own.

“You remember earlier, when you said at least whatever happens, I’ll still have Dipper with me?”

Yep, they were definitely fighting again. “Yeah?”

“I’m starting to worry I won’t always have him with me.”

“Alright, what’d that bundle of sweat and nerves do now?”

“It’s not something he did… not exactly.” Mabel was quiet for a moment, as if she wasn’t sure she should share the next bit. “Grunkle Ford asked Dipper if he wanted to stay here in Gravity Falls and be his apprentice.” 

“...Did he now?” Stan asked icily. He didn’t want to make this about him and his brother’s issues. This was Mabel’s problem. But oh boy, he was going to have words with his brother as soon as he had the chance. “Sixty-three years old and I’m still cleanin’ up after his messes…” he muttered under his breath.

“I overheard them talking about it on the walkie-talkies.” Mabel nodded, apparently not hearing that last bit. “And when Dipper got back, he said he needed time to think about it! I guess I’m mad because if it were me, I wouldn’t have to think about it. If I had to choose between staying in Gravity Falls without Dipper, or going home with him, I’d choose to go home with him every time!”

Stan gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I know you would, sweetie. But you gotta remember, your brother’s one of those over-thinking types. He’s gotta over-think everything! That big head of his will figure out it’s a bad idea.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“Then we’ll have to talk some sense into him.”

Mabel shifted inside her sweater and gave a little moan. She still wasn’t reassured.

Stan heaved a deep sigh. “Look, I’m gonna tell you somethin’ I wish I’d known when I was a kid. I don’t think this’ll happen, but… if Dipper does decide he wants to stay with Ford, or if when you two get older, he decides to do something you really don’t think he should do, you should try and talk some sense into him. But if he still won’t listen, all you can do is support him. Cuz if he ever feels like you’re tryin’ to hold him back, that’ll only push him away faster.”

Mabel finally poked her head out of her sweater and looked up at Stan with wide eyes. “I’m not trying to hold Dipper back… I just don’t want to be alone!”

He hugged her. “I know, sweetie. Nobody does.”

“And you weren’t trying to hold Grunkle Ford back when you two were teenagers! The thing with his science fair project was just an accident!”

Oh great. Here he’d been trying to not make this about himself and his issues with his brother. “Believe me, I know. But it doesn’t matter what I know. He still thinks it was sabotage.” The old conman shook his head. “But look, kid, you don’t gotta worry about my issues, even if they do seem pretty similar. I know right now with summer ending and your last year of middle school starting, it seems you’re growin’ up too fast, but the truth is, you’re still young. You an’ your brother’ve still got years an’ years to mess up and make up.”

Mabel squirmed the rest of the way out of her sweater and wrapped her arms around Stan’s waist. “Thanks Grunkle Stan. I guess I feel a little better now. I’m still worried about what Dipper will do, though.”

“Well, if he does decide to stay here with Ford, maybe I’ll come home with you.”

Mabel giggled and looked up at him again, but her smile faltered when she saw he wasn’t joking. “W-what are you talking about? You can’t just leave the Mystery Shack, this is your home!”

Yikes. Stan probably shouldn’t have said that out loud. He was pretty sure the whole reason Ford was letting him stay until the kids left was because the old nerd didn’t want them to know about it and make a fuss. Stan had just wanted to make Mabel feel better, but she’d just be more upset if she found out he’d been kicked out.

Luckily, something else caught their attention before that conversation could start. They heard something rustling through the underbrush. It was hard to see in the dimming light as the sun continued to sink towards the horizon, but a humanoid figure seemed to be making its way towards the clearing that housed the Mystery Shack. Stan reached behind the couch for his anti-creep bat, which he used to chase off Manotaurs, IRS agents, or the stray beautiful men that had started hanging around a couple of months ago. But an uneasy feeling he couldn’t place made him reach further down until his hand closed around the handle of a pistol. His thumb rested carefully against the safety switch, unsure if he should flip if off yet.

Before the figure came into full view, they heard its voice, high pitched and annoying, but probably male. “M-M-M-Mabel? M-Mable? Ugh, where is she? She should’ve come this way by now!”

Stan switched the safety off. He was about to order Mabel back inside when the stranger finally stumbled into the clearing. He was a tall, pudgy man with a hairstyle that looked straight out of the 1920’s, wearing weird little goggles and a gray jumpsuit. Wait, not gray, forest camo. Wait, no, brick pattern. No, a seascape. No, definitely gray. Wow, were Stan’s eyes really that bad?

“Wait, Blendin!?” Mabel exclaimed. She hopped up from the couch, but Stan immediately grabbed her shoulder and sat her back down. Every instinct in his body was telling him this was wrong.

This Blendin guy looked up with surprise when he heard her voice. “M-Mabel! I’ve been looking all over for you! I-I-I need your help!”

That just set off more alarm bells. Why would this creep be looking for Mabel in the woods instead of the home she’d been living in for the past two-and-a-half months?

“Mabel, who the heck is this weirdo?” Stan asked uneasily.

“That’s Blendin Blandin. He’s a time travel guy. Me and Dipper accidentally lost him his job, and then he challenged us to a time travelers’ gladitoral death match called Globnar, which we won, so we got him his job back, and now we’re cool!” She assured her uncle. “What’s wrong, Blendin?”

“S-something terrible is about to happen, and I-I-I need your help to stop it!”

Mabel tried to stand up again, but Stan kept a hand tightly clamped down on her shoulder.

“Whatever it is, you can tell her from where you’re at.” Stan growled.

“I-I-It’s top secret!” Blendin whined. “I-I-I could lose my job again i-if this gets out!”

“It’s OK Blendin! Grunkle Stan just wants to make sure I’m safe!” Mabel assured him. “But he’s really good at keeping secrets, you can trust him! Why don’t you just come up here and tell us what’s wrong?”

Blendin took a few steps forward, but stopped just a foot short of the porch. “Uuuuh… h-h-how about we meet h-half-way?” 

That was it. Stan whipped out the pistol he’d been hiding behind the couch. “How’s about you start talkin’ now?”

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel gasped, scandalized.

“A-a-alright!” Blendin whimpered. “I-I-I need something from your brother’s lab! B-but you have to hurry!”

* * *

Ford noticed right away that Dipper’s mood had worsened in the ten minutes since they’d gotten home. His gaze was on the floor, and he shuffled his feet as he left the elevator.

“Let me guess, Mabel didn’t take it well?” 

Dipper just shook his head in reply. “I still need to talk to her about it when she’s not so upset, but… I’m starting to think I shouldn’t take your offer…”

The old researcher felt himself deflate at the boy’s words, but he hoped Dipper hadn’t noticed. Instead he changed the subject. “For now, we need to focus on sealing the rift. Everything else can wait.” He pulled the rift out of his pocket. The crack reached almost completely across the protective dome now. “Dipper, would you please get me the glue gun sitting on the console desk?”

The glue gun in question looked like a cross between one of Mabel’s crafting glue guns and a Nyarf Mega Soaker, complete with an empty tank built into the back end. It was big enough that Dipper needed both hands to lift it. The boy carried it over to Ford, who inserted the tip into the alien adhesive container and began to fill it like a syringe. 

“Alright, I need you to take that flathead screwdriver and very carefully unscrew the base of the containment unit.” Ford instructed.

Dipper did just that, holding his breath the whole time so his hands wouldn’t shake.

“OK, now turn it over, slow and steady, and detach one of the tubes from the dome.”

Dipper turned the dome in his hands, careful to keep the swirling blob of chaos energy inside from touching the glass, and then pulled one of the tiny tubes out. Ford knelt down beside him and inserted the tip of the glue gun into the little hole before the rift could leak out. He began to pump the alien adhesive into the rift, starting at the bottom and working his way up until what had once been a sparkling hole in space was now a glowing pink mass. He continued until the glue began to ooze out of the cracks in the dome.

“Alright, put it down. Careful not to get any of the adhesive on your hands. Step back.” Ford put himself between Dipper and the filled containment dome the moment the boy moved. The old researcher stared it down, as if daring it to do something, anything, to suggest it was destabilizing. He waited a minute. Two. Five. It just sat there, unmoving, unchanging.

Ford released a breath he hadn’t even noticed he’d been holding. Was that it? Was he… done?

The unmistakable sound of a gunshot went off from the vicinity of the porch above them.

Ford swore he jumped as high as the ceiling at the sound. Dipper screamed. The old researcher pressed himself and his nephew into the small space beneath the console desk, looking warilly up at the hole in the roof where Dipper had fallen through under the porch just a few weeks ago. If he concentrated, he could hear voices arguing up there. It sounded like Stan, and another voice he didn’t recognize, but it was hard to make out. He was going to have to go up there if he wanted to know what was happening.

“Stay down here where it’s safe. If Stan or your sister try to come in here without me, don’t trust them until you’ve checked their eyes. If anyone else tries to get in, barricade the door and hide.”

“W-what about the rift?”

Ford glanced down at the ball of glowing adhesive. It’d take at least another 24 hours for it to cure, but it seemed safe, for now. “Hide it, if you have to, but it should be fine.” With that, he darted to the elevator, checking his weapons as he waited for the lift to take him up.

He hoped everyone was ok. It would be the cruelest irony if after finally protecting the universe from the rift, he failed to protect his family.

* * *

“Grunkle Stan, don’t hurt him!” Mabel cried, trying to pull down his arm holding up the gun.

“Just a warning shot, sweetie.” Stan assured her through gritted teeth. “I don’t remember ever mentioning anything about havin’ a brother to you, much less anything about a lab.” He addressed the stranger standing in front of the porch.

“I-I-I’m from the future! I know these sorts of things!” Blendin insisted. Funny. He didn’t seem any more flustered than he had been before the gunshot.

“Sure.”

“Grunkle Stan, he’s telling the truth!”

“I don’t doubt that.” But Stan knew better than anyone that the best way to sell a big lie was with a bunch of technically true facts. And his instincts told him this joker was trying to pass a doozy of a lie. “Go wait inside, sweetie.” 

“No, you’ll shoot him!”

“Only if he gives me a good reason to.” 

“M-M-Mabel, wait!” Blendin implored pathetically.

“Go wait inside kid, or you’re grounded!”

“But Grunkle Stan--”

“Somethin’ about this is off, alright?” Stan muttered to her under his breath. “Pay attention to your instincts, you’ll feel it too. Just do me a favor and go inside where it’s safe, ok?”

After another moment of hesitation, Mabel finally listened to her Grunkle and went inside.

“So,” Stan turned his attention back to the stranger waiting just beyond the porch. “I got five more rounds. That gives you five more chances to tell me why you want something outta my brother’s lab.”

The guy’s posture shifted into something far more confident and inexplicably inhuman as he burst into a long, mocking fit of laughter. The creep’s voice had completely changed the next time he spoke. 

“OH, I SHOULDA KNOWN I COULDN’T PULL ONE OVER ON YOU, STANLEY PINES!” 

“What, am I supposed to be impressed you know my real name? We already established you’re from the future, and even if that wasn’t the case, I’m pretty sure Soos has spread that gossip through half the town by now.”

“WELL, WE BOTH KNOW YOU CAN’T KEEP ON GOING BY ‘STANFORD’ AFTER THE SUMMER ENDS. I’M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU GET USED TO IT.”

“Yeah. Drop the small talk and cut to the chase, bucko. I really don’t wanna shoot you after my niece asked me not to.”

“OK, OK. IT’LL PROBABLY COME AS NO SURPRISE TO YOU THAT YOUR BROTHER’S IN OVER HIS HEAD WITH ONE OF HIS PROJECTS.” The creep pressed a button on his watch and a hologram of what Stan could only describe as massively over-designed snowglobe appeared. “IT’S A TEAR IN TIME AND SPACE. HE’S TRYING TO KEEP THE THING FROM GOING CRITICAL, BUT HE CAN’T DO IT ON HIS OWN. HE’S TRYING TO SEAL IT NOW, BUT IT’S GOING TO RUPTURE. HOWEVER, IF YOU CAN GET IT TO ME BEFORE HE SEALS IT…”

“Uh-huh. And what’re you gonna do with it?”

“TAKE IT TO THE FUTURE, WHERE WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY TO CONTAIN IT, OF COURSE!”

“So why don’t you just ask him for it yourself?”

“HAH! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW HOW STUBBORN AND PARANOID HE IS! HE’D NEVER LET ANOTHER PERSON TOUCH IT, HE HAS TO BE THE HERO ALL ON HIS OWN!”

“Yeah, you got a good point there. But I meant why don’t you ask him for it yourself when he bursts out this door in about ten seconds.” 

* * * 

The elevator ascent took entirely too long. It had to be at least two minutes since he heard the gunshot go off, which, depending on whether or not anyone sustained an injury, and what kind of injury it was, was time he didn’t have to waste. 

As Ford rushed through the house to the front porch door, he was relieved to note that Mabel was perfectly safe, just peeking anxiously out the front window. But the observation did nothing to slow him down. Through the window he could see Stan on the porch, holding what appeared to be the offending firearm. The gun was pointed at an unfamiliar figure. What was familiar was the figure’s voice. Ford pushed past Mabel and threw the door open, one hand already on his own blaster.

“Bill!!” He cried as he lept dramatically onto the porch, drawing his blaster with a flourish. Stan was looking at him with a smug grin, obviously he’d heard his brother running through the house. Bill, for once, looked surprised. But he quickly regained his composure.

“WELL, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL! I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I’M HERE FOR, SIXER!”

“You’re too late, Bill, I already sealed the rift!” 

Ford was satisfied to see that for the second time in under a minute, Bill looked shocked. “WHAT?!? WHAT--HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!? FIRST SHOOTING STAR DOESN’T SHOW IN THE WOODS WHEN SHE’S SUPPOSED TO, NOW THIS!? IS SOME LESSER TIME BEING MESSING WITH ME TODAY?” 

Bill removed his goggles, revealing the tell-tale glowing yellow eyes, which he rubbed with frustration before continuing, back in his usual mocking tone. “SO WHAT, DID YOU STEAL THE FATES’ SEWING KIT AND STITCH IT BACK TOGETHER YOURSELF? OR, OH DON’T TELL ME, YOU AND PINETREE WERE AT THE UFO EARLIER. YOU FILLED IT IN WITH SPACE GLUE, DIDN’T YOU? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES THAT STUFF TO SET? OF COURSE YOU DON’T, YOU NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO TEST IT! TYPICAL SIXER.”

Stanford blanched. No, he hadn’t tested it first. There hadn’t been time! “I-I know it will work! And it doesn’t matter how long it takes to set, you can’t reach it if it’s within the protection spell!”

“I SURE CAN’T!” Bill agreed with a smirk. “BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO HATES YOU AS MUCH AS I DO WHO CAN!” He turned to Stan “WHADDAYA SAY, MAC? CARE TO HELP ME STICK IT TO YOUR UNGRATEFUL BROTHER?”

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” Stan growled. “And only I get to call him Sixer!”

Bill’s confident grin set into a forced grimace. 

“HA.” 

“WELL.”

“YOU PROBABLY THINK YOU’VE WON, DON’T YOU? WELL, GUESS AGAIN, LOSER! THIS ISN’T OVER! EVEN IF I CAN’T CROSS THAT BARRIER, I’VE STILL GOT PLENTY OF PAWNS IN THIS HICK TOWN! AND EVEN IF YOU SOMEHOW MANAGE TO KEEP THE RIFT LONG ENOUGH FOR THAT GLUE TO SET? I’VE BEEN WAITING BILLIONS OF YEARS FOR THIS! YOU THINK I CAN’T WAIT ANOTHER DECADE FOR SOME OTHER SCHMUCK TO COME ALONG AND BUILD A PORTAL!? YOU CAN’T STOP ME! AND I’LL MAKE SURE THE ENTIRE PINES FAMILY REGRETS EVER CROSSING BILL CIPHER!”

Bill pulled out a time tape and disappeared in a flash.

The elder Pines twins stood there in silence for a moment, staring at the empty space Bill had just left as if they could still see the anger and hatred radiating from it. 

Stan, of course, was the first one to speak again. “We gotta talk.”

Ford just nodded solemnly, and followed him inside. 

* * *

After Stan finally convinced Mabel to go inside, she’d waited silently, peeking out the nearest window. Stan had probably wanted her to go someplace where she couldn’t hear or see what was happening, but she just had to know everyone was going to be ok. She didn’t want her Grunkle or Blendin to get hurt, even if the time traveler was acting weirder than usual. 

The air froze in her lungs when she heard Bill’s voice come out of Blendin’s mouth. She wanted to run back out there and warn Stan, but he’d asked her to go inside for her own safety, and Stan hadn’t trusted the time traveler from the beginning, so he would probably be fine… right?

Luckily she didn’t have to wait by the window worrying for long. Less than a minute later, Ford came crashing and banging down the hall. His serious glare lightened to relief for the split second he spared his niece a glance, but then snapped right back to blazing fury as he kicked the door open. Mabel heaved a sigh of relief. If anyone could handle Bill showing up at their front door, it was Grunkle Ford.

She peeked back out the window and watched as her Grunkles exchanged words with Bill. They both approached the problem very differently. Ford was yelling with a bravado that faltered the minute Bill pointed out a flaw in his plan. Stan was treating Bill much like he had Gideon. Outwardly, he seemed calm and unworried, but the fact that he’d sent Mabel inside and fired a gun showed he took the threat seriously. 

Bill’s last threat before he time traveled away sent a chill down Mabel’s spine. She remembered the last time she’d crossed paths with the demon. The note he’d left for her in Grunkle Stan’s car. She couldn’t let Dipper down like that again, couldn’t let him get hurt like that again. They needed each other now more than ever.

Of course, it was some reassurance to know that the barrier spell Grunkle Ford had created was obviously working. That was probably the only reason Bill hadn’t marched right up the porch steps and taken her himself. Mabel was doubly glad she’d been able to get that unicorn hair now.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Stan and Ford came back inside. Ford stopped like he’d just remembered something when he saw Mabel still sitting there. 

“I left Dipper hiding down in the lab! I need to go let him know what happened.”

Stan folded his arms impatiently. “Alright, but make it quick, and if you’re not back up here in ten minutes, I’m coming down after you. I’m serious about that talk.”

Mabel decided to follow Ford down to the secret lab. She was suddenly very concerned about Dipper and his whereabouts. Ford didn’t seem to mind; he just gave her a tired smile when they both stopped at the vending machine to input the code. As the two of them got into the elevator, Mabel wondered if this was a good time to confront her Grunkle about the apprenticeship he’d offered Dipper. But no, Mabel was pretty sure she’d just get mad again, and she didn’t want to feel mad right now. She just wanted to be sure her family was safe. So the elevator ride passed in an uncomfortable silence.

When they arrived in the lab, it appeared empty. Only after Ford stepped out of the elevator and past an oozing pink orb on the floor did Dipper emerge from his hiding spot. It was a pretty good hiding spot, behind what looked like a periscope designed to look like part of the totem pole outside. 

“Mabel!” The boy rushed to hug her immediately. “What happened? Wh-where’s Grunkle Stan, is he alright?”

“Stan is fine, he’s just waiting upstairs.” Ford assured him. “Bill came possessing a time travel agent.”

“He was pretending to be Blendin!” Mabel elaborated. “He wanted me and Grunkle Stan to get something out of the lab for him to stop something terrible from happening in the future!”

“Luckily, Stan recognized him as a threat.” Ford continued. “That was the gunshot we heard earlier.”

Dipper paled and pulled at his hair. “Ohmigosh, did Grunkle Stan kill Blendin!?”

Ford actually chuckled as he got down on one knee and placed a comforting hand on Dipper’s shoulder. “It was just a warning shot. Don’t worry, nobody got hurt. But Bill was furious when I told him I’d sealed the rift. I’m afraid we’re not done protecting it yet.”

“What’s this rift you keep talking about?” Mabel asked. “And what’s that sparkly pink ball of glitter-glue in the middle of the floor?”

“I’ll explain once we get back upstairs. Stan has made it quite clear he wants to talk about what’s going on.” Ford assured her.

* * *

They found Stan waiting in the gift shop, leaning against the checkout counter and tapping his foot in an agitated rhythm. 

“Finally. Now you two kids go to your room, the grown-ups have to have a talk.”

“Stanley, they deserve an explanation just as much as you do! Besides, Dipper already knows.”

“Of course he already knows, you asked the kid to stay here without ever botherin’ to talk to anybody else about it!”

“Who even told you… what does this have to do with the rift?”

“Rift? Wha-- I don’t care what you an’ pudgy out there were yellin’ about, I wanna know how come you’re askin’ your 12-year-old nephew to move in!”

Ford rolled his eyes and groaned with frustration. And here he thought they were finally on the same page for once. “That hardly matters right now! Stopping Bill and protecting the rift should be our top priority! Now, I’m sorry I kept this from the two of you up until now, but I honestly thought it would be safer if you knew as little as possible.Obviously, just the opposite was true.” He omitted the fact that he’d been reluctant to let Mabel know about the rift after seeing her break an entire shelf-full of snow globe souvenirs in the gift shop. 

“Don’t try an’ change the subject, Sixer!” Stan pointed an accusing finger at his brother.

“Grunkle Stan, this is more important!” Dipper interjected exasperatedly.

Mabel tugged at the old conman’s sleeve. “They’re right.” Mabel agreed gently. “Besides, I want to know what’s going on and why Bill was here.”

“Fine.” Stan hissed through gritted teeth. “But we’re havin’ this conversation later, no gettin’ out of it!”

They all had a seat around the card table in the den, and Ford began his explanation. “Bill Cipher is an extradimensional being trying to break his way into our world. Dipper and Mabel have already encountered him--”

“I read all your Journals, genius, I know who Bill Cipher is.” Stan snapped. “But I thought he was some annoying triangle guy who showed up in your dreams, not some pushy time traveler.”

“If you read my Journals thoroughly” Ford said testily, “You’d know he’s capable of tricking people into allowing him to possess them.”

Stan grimaced, probably remembering a few particular passages from Journal 3. “Oh.”

“Not long after I first came to Gravity Falls, I was stupid enough to let Bill trick me. He convinced me that building a portal to another dimension would give me the answers I sought, but what he really wanted was to bring his dimension, the Nightmare Realm, into ours.”

“Yeah, but… then Grunkle Stan got you out of there and the portal was super broken, so we don’t have to worry about him anymore, right?” Mabel asked uncertainly, holding vainly onto hope.

“No.” Ford replied with an icy glare at his brother. “Stanley’s reckless operation of the portal created a rift: an unstable hole in space and time that Bill could use to enter our dimension and plunge the world into a bizarre doomsday I call ‘Weirdmaggedon’.”

Stan snorted. “Still got a flair for names, huh?”

“Stanley, would you take this seriously!?”

“What? I heard you say earlier you sealed the rift, and then that jerk exploded. He wouldn’t’ve gotten mad like that unless what you did really screwed with his plans. From what he was sayin’ I’d guess we’ve got another decade at least until we have to deal with that guy.”

“If the rift is sealed properly, then yes, we’ll have bought some time while Bill searches for another pawn to manipulate, but after what he said earlier, I’m afraid the alien adhesive I used to seal it won’t set as quickly as I had hoped, leaving the rift vulnerable.”

“Eh, he was just sayin’ that to psych you out.” Stan waved his hand dismissively.

“Wait, alien adhesive? Is that what that glass ball of glitter-glue was?” Mabel asked.

“That was the containment unit I was using to keep the rift stable. Once it started cracking, I began searching for something to close it up for good. Just earlier today, Dipper and I were able to retrieve the adhesive without any trouble. I sealed up the rift with glue, then filled the containment dome, just to be safe.”

Mabel slapped her forehead. “Grunkle Ford, haven’t you ever heard of ‘A Little Dab’ll Do Ya’?” 

“What?” Ford asked in confusion. 

“When you’re using glue, you only use just enough to get things to stick together!” Mabel explained. “If you use too much, it’ll take forever to dry! If I filled whole ball with Schmelmer’s glue like that, I don’t think it’d ever dry!”

“Can’t you just spray it with a setting agent?” Stan asked. Everyone stared at him in surprise. “What? I use a lot of crafting glue makin’ exhibits for the Shack!”

“I couldn’t use a two-part epoxy because the energy of the chemical reaction would destabilize the rift.” Ford shook his head. “It needs to crystalize naturally, or it will leave seams in time-space that Bill could use.”

“Well, how long will it take to crystalize naturally?” Dipper asked.

Ford hesitated. “I had hoped it would take a little over 24 hours, but…”

“Not if it’s trapped inside a ball like that.” Mabel shook her head. “Can you get it out?”

Ford pinched the bridge of his nose frustratedly. “I’d have to chip away the dome. It’s not just glass, it’s a special substance as strong as steel. But, it has already started cracking, I suppose if I can expand those cracks enough…”

“So, are we still in danger of the rift destabilizing?” Dipper asked.

“Not spontaneously, no.” Ford assured him. “I wouldn’t recommend using it as a football or anything, but even when wet, the adhesive will act as a binding agent and keep the hole in time-space closed. It would take a large burst of energy, or deliberately trying to pierce through the rift in order to open it.”

“And that’s probably what Bill’s gonna try to do.” Dipper said gravely.

“Well we’re not gonna let him!” Mabel declared, slamming her fist down on the table. 

“That’s the spirit!” Ford allowed himself a small smile. He pulled out Journal 3 and turned to a blank page. “Bill said he still had pawns in Gravity Falls. We need to make a list of potential threats to be on the look-out for. Who would be most likely to work with Bill?”

“Gideon!” Mabel answered immediately. “Me and Soos saw him summon Bill earlier this summer!”

“Soos and I.” Ford corrected automatically. He’d only heard about this Gideon from a couple of entries Dipper had added to Journal 3. All he knew about the kid was that he’d apparently had romantic interests in Mabel, hired McGucket to build a giant mech-bot of himself, and was now in jail. It was also clear from the entries that Dipper did not have a high opinion of him. 

“That little troll’s in jail, what’s he gonna do? Use his one phone call to prank us?” Stan rolled his eyes.

“With Bill’s help, there’s no telling what he could do from behind bars.” Ford warned. “But, Stanley does have a point. Are there any other possible pawns who would have easier access to the outside world?”

They all sat there thinking for a moment before Dipper offered his own answer. “I remember seeing a tapestry with Bill on it in the Northwest’s mansion. I don’t know if they realized what it is though, I think they just buy up any local Native American artefacts on principle. It makes them look like they care about the people, when really they’re just trying to keep how horrible Nathaniel Northwest was from getting out and ruining their image.”

“The Northwests have a lot of power over this town. If Bill is working with one of them, protecting the rift will be all the more difficult..” Ford said somberly.

“Luckily, we have an insider with the Northwests!” Mabel grinned. “I’ll call Pacifica tomorrow and ask her to come over and hang out! We can ask her if she’s noticed anything weird about her family then!”

“Good.” Ford nodded. “Anyone else?”

“Eh… pretty sure Toby Determined would sell his soul for a date with Shandra Jimenez.” Stan grunted.

“Noted.” Ford jotted down all their suggestions before continuing. “These are all people we should keep an eye on, but they’re also the most obvious answers… aside from this Toby fellow. Bill will undoubtedly know we suspect them. He doesn’t just work with dangerously unhinged people. Think, is there anyone you wouldn’t normally suspect, who Bill could trick into helping him? Someone with access to this house?”

The three other Pines around the tabel all shared a glance and shrugged.

“Soos is pretty impressionable, but he was there with us when we drove Bill out of Stan’s mind. He knows that triangle guy is bad news.” Mabel answered. “What about Wendy?”

“No way!” Dipper replied vehemently. “Wendy’s way too smart to fall for Bill’s tricks!”

“Unfortunately, being smart has very little to do with it.” Ford reminded him.

“Y-yeah, but…” Dipper stammered. “She’s a different kind of smart! She’s really skeptical and good at reading people. She could tell I had a crush on her, even though I never said anything!” 

Mabel giggled. “That’s because you were really obvious, bro-bro.”

The boy blushed. “Well, what about your friends?”

“You mean Candy and Grenda?” Mabel asked. “I don’t think so. I told them about Bill when we went to get the unicorn hair.”

“Then you would have told Wendy about him too!”

“Oh yeah!” Mabel remembered. “I’m not sure she believed me though. She definitely didn’t believe in unicorns before we found one.”

“Well, that’s everyone who comes here on a regular basis.” Stan leaned back in his chair. “Besides, y’know, the dozens of tourists who come through the gift shop every day.”

Ford paled. “All he would have to do is convince one tourist… Stanley why on Earth did you think it was a good idea to build a gift shop in the same room as the lab entrance!?”

“The best hiding spots are always in plain sight, genius!” Stan retorted. “You don’t gotta worry, tourist season is wrappin’ up, traffic’s gone down a lot. Shouldn’t be too hard to keep an eye on things.”

“You’re out giving your so-called ‘tours’ half the time.”

“Then I’ll ask Soos to keep an eye on the entrance.”

“No, he’s far too easily distracted. I’ll stay in the gift shop and guard the entrance.” Ford insisted.

Stan rolled his eyes. “That’s just gonna draw attention to it, knucklehead! Look, I got security cameras. If you really gotta watch the vending machine every minute, you can watch the video feed from my office.”

“Fine.”

“Welp, would you look at that! We’ve discussed who the heck Bill Cipher is, what he wants, and what we’re gonna do about it!” Stan stood up from his chair abruptly. “Guess this conversation’s over. And would you look at the time! Time to get you kids up to bed!”

“But it’s still light out!” Dipper protested.

“The sun sets really late out here in the summer. You don’t know what time it is!” Stan began to push the kids out of the room.

“I have a watch! It’s only like 7:30!”

Stan quickly swiped the watch off his nephew’s wrist. “What watch? I dunno what you’re talkin’ about. It’s bedtime!”

The young twins, seeing that trying to reason with Stan at this point was an exercise in futility, reluctantly allowed themselves to be shepherded upstairs. 

In the short amount of time while they were gone, Stanford found his mind wandering back to one particular thing Bill had said.

“I KNOW SOMEONE WHO HATES YOU AS MUCH AS I DO WHO CAN! WHADDAYA SAY, MAC? CARE TO HELP ME STICK IT TO YOUR UNGRATEFUL BROTHER?”

Bill was a liar. Of course this was a lie too, right? Stan didn’t hate him, right? Stan had immediately turned Bill down, after all. That might just be because he knew Bill was dangerous though… because he just wanted to protect the kids….

“Alright, you’d better have one heck of an explanation.” Stan returned and Ford was reminded of just why he was so mad at his brother.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware I needed your permission to invite someone to move into my own house!”

“It’s not my permission you need! Have you even talked to their parents yet?”

“Well, no…” Ford admitted. “But it’d be a waste of time to ask them if it turns out Dipper isn’t interested. And besides, I’m sure they’d be thrilled at the opportunity to accelerate their son’s education.”

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “You don’t know their mom, Poindexter. She expects a letter from her kids every week.”

“Well, I’m sure we could keep up that tradition.”

“And every time she calls lately, she’s been goin’ on and on about how excited she is to see her ‘little lamby’ again. She’s not gonna be thrilled her son isn’t coming home.”

Ford rolled his eyes. “You make it sound as if he’s going to die! We’ll make time to go visit the family between projects, and I know communications technology has made huge advancements in the last 30 years. I saw your handyman communicating via a two-way video stream just last night.”

“That’s not the same as him actually being there!” Stan shouted. “He’s still just a kid, Stanford! He still needs his parents!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll call their parents and talk to them about it!” Ford relented. “Is that all?”

“No that’s not all!” Stan fumed, “It’s bad enough you’re offering Dipper an apprenticeship without gettin’ an OK from their parents first, but where do you get off excluding Mabel?”

Ford was taken aback. “I’m not excluding her.”

“You gave Dipper an opportunity to stay here with you, but not her. That’s pretty much the definition of excluding! Earlier today she was almost in tears about having to leave Gravity Falls and bein’ scared of the future. I had to give her a big ol’ pep-talk about how growin’ old is mandatory, but growin’ up is optional, and that even if her future ain’t so bright, at least she’s got her brother. Then, not even an hour later, you two come back from your science shenanigans and she goes wailing out to the front porch! All ‘cuz you want Dipper but not her!”

“It’s not like that at all!” Ford bristled. “Mabel has vastly different interests than Dipper. I couldn’t provide her with the same kind of quality education I could give him! At best I could give her a few tips about detailed pen sketching and blueprint drafting. The most I know about knitting is that I feel comfortable in a soft sweater, and she’d have to be the one to teach me about social structure and modern culture.”

“Oh, so that makes it ok to take her brother away?”

“I’m not ‘taking him away’! Dipper would be free to visit his family in California whenever he’s not busy!” Ford flushed with anger.  “And since I’ll be his only teacher, he’ll be able to request time off and breaks very easily. His schedule will be much more flexible than at a traditional university or college.”

“He’s freakin’ twelve Stanford! He hasn’t even finished Junior High yet! Why are you so eager to start him on grown-up school already?”

“Why wait? Dipper is intelligent, resourceful, and a fast learner. He’d already started following in my footsteps before we even met, I’m just helping him continue on that path. And it’s not ‘grown-up school’. We’d be studying and researching the weirdness of Gravity Falls together.”

“He’s not an adult, Ford, he still needs time to be a kid! He can’t be your new research assistant! Now answer my question: why can’t you just wait until he’s older?”

“Because I don’t want to be alone anymore!” 

Ford’s last statement hung in the air, reverberating like a pin dropped in an empty theater. The old researcher couldn’t believe his emotions had gotten the better of him like that. Just like that, a statement he wasn’t even comfortable admitting to himself had slipped out. He couldn’t even begin to defend or explain what he’d just said. 

Stan’s eyes widened at the unexpected outburst, but his face quickly morphed back into the scowl Stanford was all too familiar with.

“Oh, you don’t wanna be alone, huh? Well, maybe you shoulda thought of that before you kicked me out of the house come the end of Summer!”

“Wait, what?” Ford asked, perplexed.

“Oh, don’t play dumb!” Stan accused. “That first night after I brought you home, you said I could stay here the rest of the summer to watch the kids, then I gotta hit the road.”

“That’s not what I said!”  Ford objected. “I said you could stay upstairs and take care of the kids and run your ‘Mystery Shack’ until the end of the summer, so you can continue bringing in enough money to take care of them. But once the summer is over, I want-- no, I need my home and my identity back. And I’m not going to allow you to continue running a glorified freak show that goes against everything I’ve worked for!”

“And why would I stay, if you’re gonna make me shut down my livelihood?” 

Ford’s breath hitched as the memory of Bill’s words echoed in his head once again. I KNOW SOMEONE WHO HATES YOU AS MUCH AS I DO.

“Well, for one, I’m going to need your help undoing your identity theft.” The old researcher continued after pushing the thought to the back of his head. “And… I know you haven’t got anywhere else to go. I’m not going to just throw you out. I’m not Dad, Stanley.”

Stan stared at his brother with a mixture of surprise and some more complex emotions Ford couldn’t name. 

“Y-yeah, well…” The old conman seemed, for once, to be at a loss for words.

Ford just wished he knew what his brother was thinking. The old researcher had never been good at reading people, but as a child, Stan, at least, was someone he always understood. But now, his brother was even more of an enigma than the average stranger. Ford found himself on the verge of asking… do you really hate me?

“Dang it, this isn’t about us!” Stan snapped, “Stop making this about us! It’s about the kids!”

“I’m making it about us? You’re the one who started complaining about something I didn’t even say!” Ford huffed a frustrated sigh. He was tired. Tired from a long day and tired of fighting. “Look, if this whole apprenticeship thing is bothering Mabel so much, I’ll talk to her about staying here too. I can’t give her the kind of education she needs, but perhaps I can find someone who can.”

Stan threw his hands up in disbelief. “Seriously!? Unbelievable! Have you even listened to a word I’ve said, this whole conversation!?”

“Obviously I have, otherwise I wouldn’t have agreed with your demands to call the kids’ parents and include Mabel in the apprenticeship offer. Nor would I have caught your erroneous assumption that you have the leave at the end of the summer.”

“The whole point I’ve been tryin’ to make to you this whole time is that ya can’t just take these kids away from their home!”.

“I’m not taking them away from their home. You said the two of them have been here for over two months.”

“Yeah, and then they’re goin’ back home next weekend. To their parents. To their real lives.”

“Life is just as real here.” Ford said with finality. “I told you, I’ll talk to their parents tomorrow. That should settle it.”

Stan’s scowl deepened. “Yeah, yeah I guess it will.”

[bellemorte180]

The Last Will and Testament of Niklaus Wolfe

Klaroline week-Day One Au Human

Caroline swirled the white wine in her glass again, not wanting to drink it down too quickly. She felt her phone buzz on the table and she looked down to see that Klaus was parking his car; cursing Chicago traffic as he went. One thing Caroline hated was being late. Ever since she was a child if Caroline could not be right on time (which actually meant fifteen minutes early) she had a tendency to lose her mind. She mellowed out in her twenties and that was mostly due to Klaus.

While Klaus always made it a point to be on time for Caroline (the rest of the world, including his siblings, could screw themselves in his opinion), today was one of those days that just did not work out the way he wanted it to. Any other day, Caroline would have scolded him with some fiery words and sarcastic comments but today she was willing to let it slid because she knew that Klaus was having an extremely shitty day. 

In truth, the last few months had been a complete shit show for Klaus.

While Caroline would be the first to admit that Klaus had a tendency to get himself into awful situations and have problems that were of his own making, none of this was his fault; this time. So, being the best friend that she was, Caroline was more than willing to wait at their typical Friday dinner spot, receiving sympathetic looks from those around her who thought that her date stood her up.

But it wasn't a date; because they were just friends.

Really. Just friends.

Unfortunately.

“That bad?” Caroline asked as Klaus slipped into the seat across from her. He looked haggard and tense. His hair was all over the place, most likely due to the habit he had of running his fingers through his sandy blond hair. There were dark circles under his eyes and he just appeared tired. “I thought you were just reading the will today but something tells me that you just walked through hell.”

“You could say that, Sweetheart.” Klaus muttered and Caroline reached out to squeeze his hand. Losing one’s grandparent was hard. Losing said grandparent only four months after discovering their existence was a completely different thing. Klaus had always thought he was Mikael Mikaelson's third son. However, when Niklaus Wolfe showed up on his doorstep claiming that Klaus was his grandson, shit really hit the fan. Hard.

Esther apparently had an affair with a man named Ansel Wolfe and had planned to pack up her three children and leave Mikael. However, due to a drunk driving incident Ansel was killed and Esther stayed with her husband, pawning off the child she was pregnant with as his; naming him after her lover's father. Twenty-nine years and a DNA test later had Mikael disowning Klaus, calling him a bastard. An epic fight, hospital bills for Esther, a criminal defense attorney for Mikael and a divorce settlement caused all six siblings not to be on speaking terms with either of their parents. Even Freya, who had always been close with her father, refused to speak to him let alone see him.

Apparently Niklaus Wolfe was dying of cancer and wanted nothing more than to know his only grandson before he died. Thus, Klaus spent the majority of his free time getting to know this new man in his life and learning everything he could about his biological father.

Then, Niklaus Wolfe died.

“What happened?”

“He left me everything.”

“Everything? Like everything everything?”

 “Yup.” The Wolfe's where a very old family and were worth billions. While the Mikaelson's were not poor by any means but the vastness of the Wolfe's finances where just nauseatingly massive. Not only that but Niklaus Wolfe was the head of multiple charitable organizations in Chicago. With his death, many people were scrambling, wondering if shelter doors would be closing and if a good portion of Chicago would be employed in the coming months. “But there is a catch.”

 “Of course, there is. I mean, this is insane, why wouldn't there be a catch.”

 “I have to get married.”

 Caroline took a sip of her wine at the wrong time and started coughing. Out of everything he could have said, that was not what she was expecting. She knew that Niklaus Wolfe was a traditionalist and was less than pleased to learn his son had a child with a married woman. It was the reason why he waited years before reaching out to Klaus. Yet, putting such a stipulation on Klaus was just fucking ridiculous.

 “What?!”

 “Apparently for me to inherit everything, including the charities, I have to get married and have a child with the Wolfe surname within the next five years.” Caroline just looked at him like he had five heads. “If I don't the company will be left to the board of directors and they want to divide the company into five parts-meaning several layoffs.”

 “And the charities?”

 “Most likely will end unless they can find another generous donor.”

 “So, you either get married and inherit the fortune from a grandfather you never knew you had or decline and risk sending half the city into poverty?”

 “That about sums it up.”

 “What a dick.”

 *

Caroline stood outside Klaus's apartment door summoning the courage to knock. She spent the majority of the night tossing and turning about the situation Klaus was in. They had been friends for years, dating back to the day she first moved to Chicago from Mystic Falls and needed a roommate. She found an ad on Craigslist and moved in the same day. They bonded after a rather rough adjustment period. He was arrogant and she was neurotic. She didn't give into him and that earned his respect. She put him in his place when he was being unreasonable and he ruffled her feathers, making her step outside that perfectly little box she set up for herself. They had been friends ever since.

Of course, the part of her that wanted Klaus to be more than just her friend nearly had a heart attack to learn that Klaus would be married to some faceless bride. She had suffered through a stream of girlfriend's, terrified that this girl was going to be the one for him. They never lasted long and Caroline always chickened out when she tried tell him of her feelings. Even when he would send her looks that made her wonder that maybe, just maybe he had feelings for her too. Now Caroline was faced with a choice. She knew Klaus and knew he was not going to sit back and watch Chicago fall apart because he refused to get married. He would find some bride and Caroline would actually be forced to watch him marry someone who was not her. She found that the thought would kill her.

So, she found herself raising her hand and knocking her knuckles against the wood of his apartment door. She waited a few seconds and when she heard him move the chain that locked the door move, she got down onto one knee. Klaus opened the door and his eyes widened when he saw her down on the ground. She grabbed his hand and smiled at him.

“Niklaus Mikaelson, will you marry me?”

 His elderly neighbor chose that moment to open her door with a handful of garbage. Camille had always been a judgmental wench who looked at them disappointingly. She never approved of the fact that Klaus's roommate was a woman and never believed that they were just friends; even after Caroline moved out into her own place when she was able to afford living on her own. Of course, seeing Caroline proposing to Klaus would not work in their favor in changing the woman’s mind.

 “Get in here.” He hissed and pulled her off the ground and into his apartment; slamming the door in Camille's face. He turned to look at her with wide eyes. “Have you lost your mind?!”

 “You could have just said no.”

 “Caroline-”

 “Hear me out.” Klaus began to protest but Caroline held up a finger, silencing him. “Listen to me. I spent all of last night thinking about it. You're in a shitty situation and really have four options.

“How the hell did you get the number four?”

“Option one-” Caroline moved on, checking the options off on her fingers, as though he had never spoken. “is to do nothing. Tell the board that you refuse to get married and let them take over the Wolfe estate and see what happens. It will be a complete chaos but you won't be trapped in a loveless marriage.”

“Thousands of people will be affected, Caroline. I’m a selfish bastard but I’m not heartless.” Klaus’s tone was bitter. She knew that he hated that his hand was being forced. Klaus closed his eyes and sighed. “What’s option two?” 

Caroline smiled widely, knowing that at least he was going to hear her out. He always was willing to listen to her never-ending rambles with an affectionate smirk. It was in those moments when he looked at her fondly that she wondered if there was something more between them; but Caroline was terrified. Klaus was the most important person in her life-she couldn’t lose him.

“Option two, join a dating site and marry first gold digging whore who wants to sink their nails into you.” Klaus snorted at that. The idea of him on a dating site was laughable. “Option three, propose to an ex. Aurora would say yes.”

“I'd rather watch this city burn than to marry her.” Caroline smirked at that. Out of all of Klaus's ex-girlfriends, Aurora was the worst. She was full on crazy, going from one extreme emotion to the next. She was either angry, trashing Klaus's car or sad to the point she threatened to fling herself off a building. Her brother Tristen had her committed multiple times and with a restraining order in place, Klaus only received the occasional insane love letter from her, which immediately was handed over to his lawyer. There were a few other honorable mentions but Aurora was the one that concerned Caroline the most; not because she was worried Klaus would marry her but that she would do something drastic. 

“Noted. So that leaves option four.”

“And what is option four?”

“Marry me.” Klaus just looked at her, his expression unreadable. “Think about it. You can't just marry some random girl. You need someone who you trust. Someone who knows you.” Caroline walked up to Klaus and took his hand into hers. “I am going into this with open eyes. I know neither one of us expected this but I know you. You’re not the selfish bastard you pretend to be. If you were, you would not be considering doing this at all. You would just turn your back on everything and let the pieces fall where they may.”

“Caroline-“

“I’m not done.” Klaus gave her a small smile at that. “You’re my best friend. I cannot let you go into this with someone you don’t know. You would be miserable and just end up divorced the moment you can. I do not want that for you. While I would never think you are capable of doing what Mikael did to your mother, think about you and your siblings and how their divorce is affecting them; and you’re all adults! Think about your future children and how they would feel to know that they were nothing more than an obligation.”

Caroline tried not to think about the fact that Klaus was obligated, per terms of his grandfather’s will, to have at least one child. She wanted children and there have been a few times that she daydreamed about what her and Klaus’s children would look like….and a few daydreams (and real dreams) about how those children would be created.

“Are you saying that you want to have my baby Caroline?” Klaus replied in what seemed to be an innocent tone, but Caroline knew him well enough to know that it was anything but innocent. His worried and concerned eyes shown a slight hint of mischief behind them. He was trying to distract her from getting her point across. “If you wanted to see me naked, all you had to do was ask, Sweetheart.” 

“What!? No. I mean. One step at a time mister!” Caroline exclaimed pointing her finger at him. Her mock fury increased when he began to laugh in earnest. “This is your future we are discussing here and it is no laughing matter!” Klaus held up his hands in surrender. “Besides, you would have to marry me first.”

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked, his tone going serious. Klaus gave her that look. The look that had affection pooled in his eyes and he tilted his head just ever so slightly. The look that made her melt. The look he only gave her. “What if you find someone a year from now? Or two years? I would not be able to live with myself if I held you back.”

The words were on her lips. The ones she withheld for years in fear of causing him to run. She wanted to tell him that she already found someone that she wanted to be with. She wanted to tell him that he could never hold her back because she did that herself. Instead, being the coward that Caroline sometimes felt she was, said something else. 

“Yes. I want this.” The words were no louder than a whisper. Klaus searched her face and she hoped that her emotions were not written all over it. She had a tendency to be an open book when it came to Klaus about most things. Just like she was able to get in his head when even his siblings struggled with understanding him; Elijah being the exception.  

“Let me think on it okay?” Klaus asked and Caroline nodded. Neither knew what to say from there. The moment was slightly awkward and neither really knew what to say. Klaus put his hands in his pockets and looked around, avoiding her eyes. She wasn’t going to leave, not until this awkwardness went away “Chinese?”

“Yes, please.”

*

“Or, you could just tell him that you’re in love with him.” Elena’s voice chimed through the phone. Caroline rolled her eyes. Elena was one of her closest friends and one of the few people she still talked to who lived in Mystic Falls. Elena knew all about Caroline’s feelings for Klaus and had urged her to tell him how she felt. “It’s been what, four years and neither one of you have spoken up. It literally takes some weird clause in his grandfather’s will to get you to propose to him.”

“I’m already nervous as it is, I don’t need you lecturing me right now.” Caroline snapped. It had been five days since her proposal and she has not heard a single word from him. It was driving Caroline insane. She stressed cleaned her entire apartment. Twice. She currently was scrubbing her kitchen floor with her trademark rubber yellow clovers that went up the length of her arm to her elbow. “Like, I get he gets moody but normally lashes out, screams, yells and makes his presence known but Klaus does not go radio silent.”

“No. From everything you’ve told me he does not.” Elena stated. “But this is a big deal Caroline. This isn’t an ad on Craigslist for a roommate. This is marriage. Something that could change his entire life. He needs time to process.” Caroline could hear a small voice in the background asking for Elena. “Stephanie, please, Mommy is on the phone.”

“You’re right. Of course, you are. If anyone knows a thing about marriage, it’s you.” Elena was always the friend who made her see reason, helped her sort through her neurotic tendencies. “How are Damon and Stephanie?”

“They are good. Stephanie is still potty-training and Damon hates it because she is getting big but it can’t be helped.” Caroline smiled while listening to her old friend. For a while, Caroline worried that Elena would never be happy. There was a year in Elena’s life that she lost almost everyone. A car accident took not only her parents but her boyfriend Stefan. When Elena started dating Stefan’s older brother Damon, Caroline was skeptical. She was worried that Elena was trying to replace Stefan with Damon, despite the fact that the brothers were nothing alike but Damon actually made Elena happy. When Elena fell pregnant not even a year after their wedding, it was obvious that they would name their daughter in honor of Stefan.

“She does have him wrapped around her little pinkie.”

“That she does.” Elena chuckled and Caroline heard a knock on her door.  She picked herself up off the floor and walked over to her front door of her apartment. She looked through the peep hole and sucked in a breath. “Caroline? Are you okay? 

“Klaus.”

“What?”

“He is here.” Caroline whispered. “I have to go.”

“Call me later. Let me know how it goes.” Caroline agreed and hung up the phone, tossing it on the armchair. She sucked in a deep breath and opened her door. He looked as tired as she felt. Beyond that he looked as he always did; disheveled hair, blue eyes, jeans and a Henley.

“Can I come in? Or should I expect small wooden animals to show up any minute?” He teased as he took in her attire; a large T-shirt with holes in it and leggings. Caroline narrowed her eyes and pulled off the yellow rubber gloves. She stepped aside and allowed Klaus into her apartment. He looked around the small living room and kitchen. “Stress cleaning?”

“Yeah, well, when a girl is left hanging after a marriage proposal, causes a little stress.” Caroline replied and Klaus chuckled. His hand went to the back of his neck and peeked at her. She was staring him down intently and her gaze was unwavering. “Well?”

“Cut right to the chase then?”

“Look, Klaus. If you’re going to say no just-“

“I’m not. Saying no.”

“What?” Caroline replied in a small voice.

“But, before I say yes-if I say yes, I need to make something clear.” Caroline nodded and stayed silent. “You were right when you said that I do not want a loveless marriage. I don’t want to join some dating site or ask one of my long string of ex’s, who I broke up with for some reason or another. I need someone I can trust. Someone who knows me and can deal with me when I lose my temper. 

“Sounds like you need a miracle worker.”

“Something like that.” Klaus smiled at her. “The thing is when you proposed to me, I was taken aback. I never thought that you would want to do something like that for me.” Caroline began to speak but Klaus held up his hand. “Let me finish before I change my mind.” Caroline nodded. “The only thing I can think of that is worse than a loveless marriage is it being one that is one sided” 

Caroline froze. He knew. He knew that she loved him but he didn’t feel the same. He cared enough about her to not want to marry her and put her through that misery. Tears pooled in her eyes and she couldn’t look at him. She crossed arms around herself as though she was holding herself together. She didn’t want to hear this. She didn’t want to hear him break her heart.

“I see.”

“No. You don’t.” Caroline’s eyes shot up to him but his expression told her nothing. “I’ll marry you. I’ll let you plan the wedding of your dream and have a child with you and follow every line of my grandfather’s will with you by my side but there is something you have to know. And if you can’t live with it, then I can’t marry you.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.” Caroline’s eyes grew wide and her jaw slacked but before she could say anything more, Klaus pushed forward. “I know you don’t feel the same. I know that you only see me as a friend and that you proposed to me because you want to help me but you have to know that I am not marrying you because of some clause in some document. It’s because of how I feel for you.” Caroline was still silent, unable to process the words he was saying. Klaus swallowed and gave a humorless laugh. “But you can’t-never mind.”

“Wait.” Klaus stopped on his way to her door. “Don’t go.” Caroline walked over to him and linked her hand with his. He turned and looked at her. Caroline could tell that he was holding his emotions in check. She reached up to touch his face and traced his cheekbones. “You’re wrong. It’s not one sided.”

Caroline felt him still, searching her face. Then as though a cord snapped inside him, Klaus pulled her to him and latched his lips to hers. The kiss was deep, passionate and it felt as though Klaus was trying to consume her. Caroline wrapped her arms around his neck and weaved her fingers through his hair. She pressed herself to him, feeling his body against hers. When they broke apart, Caroline had to catch her breath. Her eyes trailed from his lips, that were now red and swollen, to his eyes. They appeared darker and richer than before. There was something behind them that Caroline could not pin point.  

“Say it. I need to hear you say it.”

“I love you.”

Just like before, Klaus roughly pulled her to him and kissed her as though the world around them was crashing down. They broke apart for a moment. He leaned down, wrapped his arm below her bottom and lifted her up. Caroline gave a small jump and wrapped her legs around his waist before she kissed him again. Klaus walked over to Caroline’s sofa and laid her down on it.

Klaus quickly tore off his shirt and helped Caroline out of hers. She tossed it across the room and kissed Klaus again. As their lips licked, sucked and bit Klaus traced her hip bone, his thumb suck beneath the top of her leggings. Caroline lifted her hips and let Klaus pull the leggings from her legs. He broke the kiss in order to look at her and Caroline’s face suddenly became bright red.

“Oh my god.” Her hands went to her face as Klaus’s eyes trailed her partly naked body. She wore nothing more than a grey sports-bra and panties that have seen better days. Not caring the state of her panties, Klaus pulled them from her body and tossed them over his shoulder. She suddenly remembered that she hadn’t shaved down there in a hot minute and had more hair than she would like to admit.

“Look at me.” Klaus commanded and she peeked through her fingers. He was looking at her intently and was smiling that his dimples went deep into his cheeks. Caroline could not help but reach up and trace them. She had always loved his dimples. “You’re perfect.”

They met in the middle this time, kissing each other again before Klaus made his way down her neck. He pushed her sports bra up, freeing her breasts. He latched onto her nipple, sucking and nipping at it gently while his other hand massaged the other. Once Klaus decided that her nipple was hard enough, he switched breast, giving it the exact same treatment.

Soon enough, his kisses made their way across her ribcage and down her stomach. Caroline took her sports bra off and tossed it away, forgotten alongside the remainder of her clothes. Klaus’s eyes traveled upward to see her heaving breasts. She felt him smirking against the skin near her belly button. His teeth nipped and his lips sucked. Caroline knew that there would be a mark there in the morning.

She couldn’t be more pleased.

Klaus pushed her legs further apart. Caroline moved her one foot to rest on the wooden coffee table that was placed in front of her sofa while her other foot perched itself on the back of it. Klaus kissed his way across her hip bone and down the inside of her leg. His hand traced light touches down to her center. Caroline bit her lip as she watched him, trying to hold in her whimper. Her nails dug into the fabric of her sofa.

“Klaus, please.” Caroline begged, causing Klaus to look up at her. She could see the mischief in his eyes and she knew that he would enjoy tormenting her. “Don’t be mean.”

“I’m never mean.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Not to you.” With that, his thumb touched her slick heat; pressing lightly against her clit. He made a circular motion against it, causing Caroline to cry out. He slipped one finger inside of her and then another, pumping them in a slow motion that was in sync with his thumb. Caroline’s laid her head against the arm rest behind her and closed her eyes; enjoying the feeling that he was invoking with his fingers.

Klaus watched her, enjoying the sight of her giving over to her passion. He always imagined that she would be passionate. He could not help but savor the sight of something he imagined a thousand times over, finally coming to life. He did not anticipate that this was how the night would progress, but he was not going to complain. In fact, he was enjoying the experience immensely.

Not being able to take anymore. Caroline sat up and kissed Klaus again. She took his bottom lip between her teeth and bit down gently. Her nails dug into his skin and scratched her way down his chest until she reached the top of his pants. Klaus hissed when Caroline touched him through the fabric of his jeans. He rested his forehead against hers while enjoying the sensation. As Caroline massaged him, her other hand unfastened the button holding his pants together. 

“No more waiting. I need you.” Caroline whispered and Klaus stood. He pushed his jeans, along with his boxers, from his hips and stepped out of them. He leaned down and kissed her again, laying her back against the sofa. He nestled himself between her thighs. Caroline reached down and took him in hand, causing him to hiss out her name. She gripped him lightly and became to move her hand up and down. Klaus’s jaw slacked and his eyes fluttered shut. She pumped him a few more times before lining him up with her opening. Knowing what she wanted, Klaus opened his eyes to gaze at her.

“Are you sure this is what you want? There is no going back Caroline, not from this.”

“I want this Klaus. I want you.” Nodding, Klaus slowly pushed inside of her. Caroline moaned at the feel of him filling her. Once inside her completely, he buried his face inside her neck. He peppered her skin with kisses before making his way up her jaw. “I need you to move. Please, Klaus. Make love to me. 

At her command, Klaus slowly withdrew from her before pushing back in. Both moaned at the feeling. Their movements were slow at first before picking up speed. He propped himself up on one arm in order to get better leverage and his thrusts became deeper and harder. Caroline moved with him, her back arching when he would hit a certain spot inside of her. Soon enough she could no longer keep her eyes open. He couldn’t take his off of her. He could not stop watching how flush her skin became or how she bit her lip as she moaned. He was memorized at not just the feel of her, but how beautiful she was giving herself over to him.

“Yes! Please! Harder!” She cried out and he could not help but obey her command. He could feel himself building to release but did not want to leave her unfinished. He reached down to where their bodies where connected and touched her clit. Much like before, he began to trace her bundle of nerves in a circular motion. It wasn’t long before he felt her walls clench around him and her body stiffen. Her back arched and she tossed her head back. Her hands went over her head and dug into the arm rest behind her, screaming his name as she came. That sight alone would have been enough for Klaus to spill himself inside of her.

Eventually, the pair made their way into Caroline’s bedroom; neither one being able to keep their hands to themselves. Hours later, when both were too spent to continue, Klaus found himself flat on his bad with Caroline tracing small circles on his chest. Her lips were placing small kisses on random spots of his chest while his fingers ran through her blond curls. When she found that she had kissed as much of his chest as she could find, Caroline rested her head over his heart, listening to its soft thumping.

“I love you.” She stated in a breathless tone. If she did not know any better, she would have sworn she heard his heart skip a beat. The thought just made her smile.

“I will never get tired of hearing you say that.”

“I’ll keep saying it as long as you say it back.” She replied in a sing song voice.

“I love you.” Klaus stated and even though she could not see his face, she knew that his dimples were pronounced. “I’m happy.”

“Me too.” Caroline rolled over so she could face him. She propped herself up so she was resting on one arm and looking down at him. “How long have you known?”

“That I loved you?” Klaus asked and she nodded in agreement. “Remember that fight we had when my brother Kol was visiting? The visit where he and I got black out drunk and you had to come and pick us up?”

“Yeah.” 

“You went into this cleaning frenzy. Cleaned the apartment from top to bottom like you do when you’re stressed or irritated. When Kol and I woke up, you were so angry at me for ruining girl’s night out. There you were in the middle of my bathroom, rag and bucket in hand, going off on me about having to clean up my messes. That is when I knew. 

“You fell in love with me during a hangover and while I was yelling at you?” Caroling laughed at him and he just nodded. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well I thought about kissing you but knew you would most likely slap me if I tried.” Caroline nodded in agreement; she would have. “That and I didn’t want to lose you. You were my best friend. I was terrified that you didn’t feel the same and didn’t think I could handle the rejection.” She gave him a sad smile and leaned up to kiss him gently. “What about you? When did you know?”

“Remember Tyler?”

“The jug head boyfriend I had to endure watching you with for six months? No. Not at all.”

“Yeah. Him.” Caroline rolled her eyes at Klaus’s innocent expression. “He asked me to pick. He did not like that the closest friend I had in Chicago was a man. So, he asked me to choose between you and him. When faced with that choice I realized I was never going to be able to let you go. I broke up with him and came home hoping to tell you how I felt but-“

“But I was with Genevieve.”

“Yeah.”

“I knew you were upset that night but you said it was because you broke up with Tyler.” He searched her face and something registered in his mind. “You moved out shortly after that. You said it was because you finally saved up enough for a security deposit and that you were stable at your job; but that wasn’t truthful, was it?”

“No. It wasn’t.” She was silent for a moment. “I had just broken up with Tyler and you were dating Genevieve. And then came crazy-pants Aurora. And then that bitch Haley. And then Sophie” Klaus shot her a look and she stopped listing his conquests. “I saw you with girl after girl and I just did not want to put myself in that position. I loved you but I thought didn’t love me.”

“I was trying to get you out of my system. I thought that eventually, if I dated enough women, I would stop loving you. It didn’t work.” His eyes were sad for a moment. He grabbed her hand and brought her knuckles to his lips, kissing them lightly. “But I promise that you will be the only one from now on. No one else.”

“Good.” They shared a small smile between them before Klaus pulled himself from the bed. “Hey! Come back.”

“I have something for you.” Klaus left the bedroom and Caroline could not help but admire his backside as he walked through the kitchen, which she had a direct view of from her bedroom. She could hear him rooting through his jeans in her living room. Eventually, Klaus made his way back into her bedroom, completely unashamed by the fact that he was naked.

In his hand was a small black box.

“When I came here tonight, I had no idea how the night was going to go.” Caroline reached for the box but he moved it away, cocking his eyebrow at her, clearly telling her to be patient. She just huffed in mock frustration. “But I could not be more pleased with the outcome.” The blush that spread over Caroline’s face made Klaus appear way to proud of himself. “I went back and forth over the last few days on whether or not I could marry you knowing that you did not return my feeling. When I made my decision that I was going to accept your marriage proposal I went to my grandfather’s estate to pick this up.”

Klaus opened the small black box and inside was a beautiful engagement ring. It was antique looking but not gawdy. The ring was made of rose gold and had small diamonds around the band. The center had a massive square diamond with a halo setting. Caroline took the box from his hand and just gazed at the ring.

“It was my grandmothers, apparently. My grandfather had it custom made for her. She died when my father, well, my biological father was eight. He intended on giving that to my mother once her divorce from Mikael was finalized.”

“But he never got the chance.”

“No, he didn’t.” Klaus took the box back from her hand. “But I think both he and my namesake would be very happy if you wore it.” Caroline smiled widely, and nodded. Klaus pulled the ring from the box and slipped it onto her left ring finger. The ring was slightly too big for her finger but she didn’t care. “I can take it to the jewelers first thing tomorrow and have it resized.” He reached to take the ring back but Caroling snatched her hand away.

“Don’t you dare. Not yet.” Caroline mockingly narrowed her eyes at him and he nodded his head, pulling back from the ring. She held out her hand in front of her and admired the ring. She cocked her head as though she was inspecting it for a blemish. She knew Klaus was watching her every movement.

“Well, what do you say Caroline Forbes? Will you marry me?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She turned to look at him and tossed him a cheeky smirk. Klaus placed his hand over his heart and pretended to be hurt. She leaned in to kiss him, neither one where able to keep the smiles off their lips. “I suppose I could be persuaded.”

[brief-candle]

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴠᴏᴡ - Kyoujurou Rengoku & Muzan Kibutsuji

just........ two more..............

tbh i don’t even know what i’m doing on this site bc none of my posts appear in the tags so i’m just hardcore plugging on my quotev because i gotta do what i gotta do y’know?

series: demon slayer/ kimetsu no yaiba

notes: little to no yandere (mayhaps if you squint you can see some?), major character death, male reader, angst, stuff that probably makes 0 sense, angst, the muzan x reader you have to squint for, most likely ooc, angst.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The rain didn't seem as if it were ever going to stop that day. Tiny droplets littered the streets endlessly, falling from a sea of murky grey which hung in the sky longer than anyone would have liked. It only seemed to enhance the bitter cold and dubious darkness of that alley.

I remember that alley well, with crumbling cobbled floors and walls with jagged cracks that ran up them like crevasses. Fading greys that mixed with the sky, painting the world in monochromatic misery. People hurrying to seek shelter, not sparing a second glance at anyone who didn't have the same options. Humans truly were miserable creatures. This world of grey truly suited them.

But it didn't suit him. As soon as I met his eyes, I knew they would be my doom.

Golden irises like melted honey, or freshly made butterscotch. Those were the first things I saw, and were what I kept returning to. Even the charm of his strangely coloured hair couldn't grasp my attention from those eyes. A soft amber hue with the intensity of the strongest fires behind them. From the second I saw them, I was utterly smitten. Even if it was forbidden by all means, and could never be forgiven by neither humans nor demons, these feelings only festered with time.

He took me in off the streets, with all knowledge of what I was. I wasn't sure how, or more importantly why, he would do such a thing, but I quickly learned that I would never quite understand Kyoujurou. How he would smile as he talked of his upcoming wedding, yet couldn't hide the dimming of the vibrancy that was so common in his eyes. It tugged at the heart that I thought had long ceased existing. Not only to hear of him being promised to another, but also to see such a crestfallen look in those eyes that had gained my affection.

I knew it could never be. Truly, I did. For not only was I a demon and he a human, but we were also two men. We could never marry, even if these sinful feelings of mine were reciprocated. It was disgusting for me to be most ashamed of this, considering the heinous things I've done up until this point. The countless people I've murdered to please a man of my past. Before, I believed that perhaps I loved him. However the heart is a fickle thing, and so betrayed that emotion almost as quickly as I had betrayed him. Fleeing without any notice, I wound up in that very alleyway and discovered true love just hours later.

Yes, true love. True love that could never be, with so many barriers between us. From every meeting between Kyoujurou and his betrothed, it was obvious that neither were interested. I believe that was what hurt the most, the fact that the main thing keeping me from confessing these wretched feelings was born out of convenience, rather than any form of love. They were incompatible in every meaning of the word, with her iciness putting a damper on his usual flame of excitement. Only in those situations did those flames simmer down into a mere ember, only to spark up again in her absence.

"Do you not enjoy the Lady's presence?" I had once approached the subject in a voice full to the brim of faux dispassion.

He attempted to laugh his usual hearty laugh, but it was almost as false as my previous question's tone. Afterwards, paying no attention to this, he returned with another question: "Why do you ask that?"

His voice held a slight tremble to it, one of nervousness. This was unlike him, so unlike him that this alone evoked in me a strong distaste for the woman.

'Your smile never seems as bright.'

'Your tone is completely different when answering her.'

'Your posture makes it obvious.'

'Your eyes lose their usual warmth.'

These statements, all equally true and clawing at my throat to be said, never came. They hung back, caged in through a tightened jaw and rows of razor teeth. Teeth that had devoured many, and would probably devour many more. And those words would suffer the same fate.

I continued with my task for a minute or so, which was to clean the windows during the night. Looking for something more suitable, I stared at my reflection. Sharp features, dangerous cat-like eyes with a colour that didn't match the softness of Kyoujurou's in any way, shape or form.

It disgusted me, reminded me of what I was. And so instead of speaking the truth to him, which was the least he'd deserved for all his kindness, I turned away from both the window and him.

"A hunch."

He seemed relieved to hear that, as well as chipper that I seemed to understand him like that. But he didn't express that in words, but admitted that he didn't hold any affection for that woman. He wasn't enthusiastic in doing so, but it certainly raised my spirits as well as my guilt. If he could trust me with something so personal as his negative view of his betrothed, then he must certainly hold me in high regard. As someone trustworthy. Yet I couldn't even return such a thing.

As days passed, the wedding drew nearer. And so we had to run around to find the best suits, best flowers, best everything for when the horrid day arrived. Each night I lay awake, never needing to sleep but seeking it more than ever, feeling each day that passed like weights on my chest. Every night I lay there, thinking: 'tomorrow will be the day; I'll confess tomorrow'.

However, every 'tomorrow' came and went like each of the 'tomorrow's before it. With unannounced feelings like chains that tightened around my heart with each sunrise that I cowered from.

Until finally, that 'tomorrow' came.

The confession was hard, and one without words. It was messy, in the heat of the moment, and more human than I'd been in hundreds of years. Vulnerable, weak, pathetic and a complete failure.

Those beautiful eyes of his looked so shocked and cold in that moment, like the melted honey had finally set and would never soften again. Even a thousand blades would hurt less than that moment, and perhaps would make me wish to disappear completely less. So when he pushed me away after I had kissed him, I turned to do exactly that.

I ran away.

It was impossible to not look back, and I did it several times. Wishing that I hadn't done that, so I could have lived on with my life even with those unspoken feelings weighing down on my shoulders. Even if I'd had to show up to the wedding and pretend to be happy, when inside it'd feel like I was being slowly torn apart. To wish for his happiness, even though I knew such a thing was unattainable for such an incompatible couple. Because at least then I could still be near him, and could still be there for him to tell anything to. For him to let out stress through words, or to simply chat with and rekindle his infamous enthusiasm with.

However I'd ruined it all in an act of selfish indulgence, of thoughtlessness. Thrown the relationship that we had cultivated into the gutter in a moment of poor judgement.

Though I wasn't sure what I had thought in the first place by doing so. For in kissing him, I had a vain hope that he would accept these cursed feelings of mine, and we could live happily. However reality is cruel, and so crushed that dream as soon as I had hoped for it, out of spite for my very existence.

When I had stopped running for a moment, it allowed for my thoughts to make themselves known. How perhaps if I was a human, it would all be fine. How perhaps if I was not a man, then it would all be fine. For if Kyoujurou was allowed to marry a human girl, then of course he could not love someone who was the very opposite of this.

Even with the mistake born from my passion fresh in mind, my heart still yearned for more. It yearned to be loved by the man with the beautiful eyes, for perhaps then I would discover both the truest form of love and the truest form of happiness. For only a taster of these had been given to me from being just a friend to this man, which left me wanting more. It was the forbidden fruit, and a trap that I would fall into with open arms. To taste the forbidden fruit, one must first sell their soul to the devil.

And so that is what I did.

The devil willingly took my soul with the broadest of smiles, offering what I wanted for something that he deemed of equal value. To love Kyoujurou without being punished by neither man nor those who feed on them, the thing I must offer would have to be of immense value. However that didn't matter to me at that moment of greed, for my mind was too cluttered to consider any consequences.

Upon encountering Kyoujurou again, the consequences were clear as day. All of the apathy I'd felt towards the idea of any sort of consequences had been replaced with intense sorrow when I met him again; to him, it truly was the first time that we had met, for the thing that the devil decided was of equal value was the treasured memories of our time together. Mine were still intact, but I couldn't decide whether I would have preferred it if they hadn't, for I fear that the tears that threatened the lip of my eyelids were all too obvious.

I wondered if he noticed that look in my eyes when I first met him in that alleyway. The look of awe when looking into his eyes was mirrored in his own, so much so that he barely looked away from them. It wasn't even a minute later that he left the bouquet of freshly cut roses behind. When I saw them, that was when I realised the day.

It was his wedding day.

I wasn't sure whether it was relief that I was just in time, happiness when he embraced me or the lingering sadness that forced the tears down my cheeks. However the second of those listed seemed to win when he didn't pull away from our second kiss. Or our third. Or when we went further.

It was bittersweet, really, to think that he may have never loved the real me, rather than this beautiful shell that harboured all of the best features from my previous form. The thought of him only being interested with this new body of mine left me feeling sick to my stomach, however when he spoke to me those feelings were cast aside completely.

"It's comforting to talk to you," he'd said, "it's like I've known you for a long time."

When he added that onto his original statement, all clues of what to respond with vanished. I was left speechless, utterly astounded, and once more on the verge of tears. His gaze, which was on me, seemed so distant and far away, as if trying to recall something that evades you the more you struggle to grasp it.

I swallowed, exhaled softly, and let out a chuckle that sounded more like a choked bark than anything else. It was an ugly sound, one which I stifled my cringing from with a placid, "that is rather strange... but I'm flattered you feel that way."

To speak like a lady was tiring and required too much thought. Where before I could speak to him however I liked, as the other gender it would be considered rude and crass to do so. Such a thing could drive him away from me again, and that was perhaps what I feared the most.

Perhaps in some aspect he still remembered the time that we'd spent together. Comments like 'you could pass for a boy' from him didn't seem all that offensive to me, considering the context of my situation. Any other woman would have felt disgusted and put-off by such a declaration, but it was hard to feel that way when the thing that I could 'pass for' was what I originally was. Besides, it lay seed for a small flower of hope to begin to bloom in your chest, lay way for hope that perhaps he would gradually begin to remember all the time you'd spent together and all you'd trusted each other with before you'd messed it all up.

But time never allowed for that.

As time moved on, another figure moved into the small lives you'd made for yourselves. You were content, growing to be at some form of peace with your situation before someone from the past emerged.

"Give them to me." He had said, voice like silk yet tone like the sharpest of daggers as he gave his demand. As haughty as I'd remembered, and as beautiful.

"Why?" Kyoujurou's smile never left his face, even in a situation as tense as this. He had no clue what was happening here, or why. The guilt began to eat at me again, for if it wasn't for my selfishness, he wouldn't have to be in such a situation anyway. He wouldn't be standing there in between me and the man, shielding me from him. Though Kyoujurou was no fool (he could tell what was a demon and what wasn't from a mile off), he still voluntarily put himself there.

Though I tried to intercept, to convince Kyoujurou to back down from the rising tensions, he didn't allow it in the slightest, only turning to me with that same smile and the same soft eyes that I adored: "there's no need to be worried, I'll keep you safe."

Even still, I wanted to protest, to cry out that his safety was much more important than mine. However the coldness of the intruder's voice cut off any attempt of that.

"You don't need to know that. All you need to know is that I'll take them either way, except if you resist then you'll wind up dead."

To see him here was both shocking and something I dreaded since the moment I'd fled those many months ago. However I wasn't expecting it now, after all this time. It was foolish of me not to, but I just didn't. I found it much easier and much more enjoyable to indulge in the simple and happy lifestyle, where Kyoujurou and I were the only people in the world.

But out of us, soon it would just be I in the world.

The blood was escaping faster than I could try and slow it to give it time to clot. There was so much; it painted my palms and the outside of my hands, staining my face as I stressed as to how to save him. How could I save him? Could I even save him- was it possible? Was this the hand of fate once more, bringing wrath down upon those who dare to taste the forbidden fruit of love between two people that could never be? Was fate serving justice to me, taking away this man's life as revenge for me ruining it? For tempting him away using the foulest of methods from the life he had been given to live?

Such a cruel thing is something I cannot allow. Not if it results in his death.

Yet no matter how much I tried, what I used to soak up the blood and put pressure on the wound, it just wouldn't stop pouring out. Futile tears emerged once more, as if to evoke some pity from whatever cruel deity was enjoying this image of suffering. Yet even then it wouldn't clot, only slipping through my fingers and staining the ground below him. The ground that would swallow him up if I continued to do next to nothing. But there was nothing I could do! I was no doctor by any means, more used to slaughter than healing.

And so, unable to do anything on my own, I had visited an old friend. One who had helped me out with my poor choices once more.

The devil welcomed me back with open arms and a wide grin, as he had first welcomed me before.

I felt the very structure of my being begin to change. A process so painful that I wanted to scream, though sharpening teeth kept them locked within.

He asked for what I had returned.

My internal structure was tearing itself down only to rebuild itself again.

I asked him, with no hesitation: "is it possible to undo my wish?"

But I could feel it, underneath fingers that begun to sharpen also-

He affirmed that it was possible, only to question the reason behind why I was curious about such a thing.

-his wound was clotting.

I told him of my situation, a brief rundown so as to not waste any time. It was of the essence here, after all.

Such a feeling caused the flower of hope to bloom once more in my chest; a full bloom, full of beauty and without sin.

Very quickly he caught on, coming up with a solution with astounding speed. Not that it was very surprising.

His eyes, the sun beginning to fade from those golden hues, began to regain their light.

This was the devil, after all.

They were just as beautiful as the first time.

He had proposed the solution to me.

With the bittersweet familiarity now running through them, unsure of whether to smile or cry.

To undo my deal and to, in turn, fulfil a different one.

This was a dilemma I was facing myself.

This time, as it was his life on the line, the price was higher.

So instead of choosing, I settled on both.

As he was in such dire condition also,

This time, he couldn't bring his radiant smile to light up his features.

the price would be my life.

Instead, as I collapsed into his arms, he only cried instead.

And I accepted without a moment's debate.

The embrace he held me in was shaky as his body was wracked with sobbing, the demon who almost stole away his life standing a bit away from us with unimaginable anger across his face. He was yelling, staring outraged right at me. But at this moment, I decided that I couldn't care less, for surely in exchange for an immortal life, even he wouldn't be able to harm Kyoujurou.

'Let's meet again,' I had tried to say, but lacked the breath and the energy to do so. All I could do was hope that he understood as I lost the energy to even stare upwards at the tears escaping from kindling irises.

[aqvarius]

HLITF: This is not the story of your first night: Soma - otona love - chapter 4 summary/translation

anyway i guess you didn’t have to wait that long for chapter 4 but only because i couldn’t wait and had to keep reading. you can find the previous chapter here, or check my new translations page to read from the beginning. my translations masterpost is not rebloggable or mobile-friendly yet but i will update when i make one! otherwise, you can always just search the tag “summary” or “translation” on my blog or follow the links in my previous chapter posts to find the previous posts. 

previously, soma had just said that what he was refraining [re: verbal attacking] from was... 

naturally, he finishes his sentence outrageously:

soma: “i’m only refraining ..... in bed”

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) <-- btw, the mc reacts the same way

he whispers this to you so closely that his lips are basically touching your ears again. 

soma: “are you displeased?”

keep reading for irritated momose, soma being the best boyfriend ever, and him asking something of you that is so predictable of him...

side note: i know you are probably all sick of me gloating about how well i understand soma that i can predict his behaviour/know what to expect but i’m just so pleased to see all this teasing and manipulation in canon. anyway how dare he ask that with such a sweet smile on his face. he knows exactly what he’s doing. 

soma: “or is it better to refrain in the workplace after all?”

you say that you’d prefer that he doesn’t [use verbal attacks] in the workplace as well, but you’ll leave that up to his judgement. deliberately letting his breath fall on your ears, soma drew back with an innocent face. you lament that you really can’t win against soma. 

“by the way, shouldn’t you get going soon?” soma asks.

soma: “tsugaru-san’s loyal dog-kun is about to bare his fangs” (lmaooooo)

you panic that if you wait around any longer, you’ll get bitten. so you “ittekimasu” and soma replies “itterasshai” and you run off after momose. 

this is a new background!! 

you apologise for the wait and momose flashes you one of these:

momose hops into the waiting car and glares silently at you. you can’t see his fangs but it really seems like he’s gonna bite you! 

momose throws the case documents from tsugaru at you and tells you to hammer it into your head before you arrive at the site. you try to ask “site-?” but momose just tells you to read it to understand and then he steps on the accelerator. meanwhile i’m here lamenting the fact that we don’t have a momose driving sprite. i guess they are only reserved for real love interests ;~~;

you exclaim “isn’t it dangerous to start [the car] like that?” and momose says that they are late because of you. you apologise but plead with him to drive safely lmaooo this is so on brand. 

while in the car, you start reading the case files on the target. there’s a group that has been showing suspicious movement right as a summit in tokyo is approaching and one of the members is the target this time. you’re going to the apartment that’s supposed to be their hangout. 

momose doesn’t respond but no response means “yes”... 

you note that there are more than 10 [more than a dozen] targets coming in and out and then momose randomly says “today is friday”. it takes a moment but you suddenly see something in the wording of the case document. turns out that every friday there’s a chance of contact with the terrorist mastermind.

“in other words, today,” says momose. 

“we’ve got to hurry!” you exclaim and momose gives you that silent look again lol. you apologise, saying “who’s the one who’s been saying that...” since you were the one who kept him waiting.  

“but those eyes... they’re too scary...!”

in order to escape from his accusatory glare, you turn your eyes back to the case material. 

“momose-san doesn’t say a lot, so the pressure of his gaze is intense”

“in other words... a shisenzeme [”glare attack”] type?” 

you inadvertently returned your gaze [at momose] that had turned away. he asks “what” and you’re like “nothing!!” you scold yourself a little because you have a job to do today and you need to concentrate on your work. 

i’m just adding these backgrounds here bc i’ve never seen some of them before lol.

it’s late and you couldn’t get any results from today’s work so you return to headquarters at night. you leave the division at 9pm after doing paperwork. 

“i promised i would go to soma-san’s house tonight...!” (😏😏😏)

i’m gleeful about what’s to come but also worried bc it takes me like 5 mins per slide to translate all the euphemistic sex scenes. you send him a text saying “i’m leaving [work] now!” and rush out and - 

your phone chimes with a reply:

“thanks for your hard work*. i’m making paella and waiting for you.”

*otsukaresama = good job/thanks for your hard work/you’ve worked hard

i hope you’ve all realised by now that soma is the greatest boyfriend of all time i love him so much 🥰🥰🥰

clearly hlitf mc thinks the same thing:

“paella! i’m so happy!!”

soma’s immediate reply makes you smile. (same girl, same ;~~;) since soma’s paella is full of seafood, you decide to buy some delicious white wine. 

“you’re arrived so late,” soma says when you arrive at his. he opens the door, looking a little displeased. you apologise and say you bought wine. 

soma: “taking such a detour...”

you show him the wine but his expression doesn’t change. you wonder if he’s angry... you were working late and you wish you had come straight to his. he asks you if it’s a white [wine] from spain, and you say you think it would compliment his paella. he says it should. 

soma: “a wonderful selection” 

i’m so happy to be praised by him lol. you’re like “yokatta...!” (i’m glad). soma says it was worth the wait. it’s a little disagreeable when you arrived (not really sure if i translated this bit correctly) but he’s not criticising/reproaching you. 

“let’s go eat,” soma says, and you say yes!!

“mm~ soma-san’s paella is the most delicious after all”

soma: “i’m honoured to receive your compliment”

he jokingly bows his head, and you enjoy a late dinner together. he says that the wine you chose is also delicious. you agree, but you apologise for keeping him waiting. he asks you if things went well [at work] and you’re like “um...” and then he apologises for asking about things related to another team’s investigation. 

soma: “excuse me. i shouldn’t say anything about the contents of another team’s investigation.”

you think that you can’t talk about it even to soma, even though you got no results today. 

“but [seeing you] in that state...”

“no, it’s nothing.”

you think that just now, he definitely saw through you [that you got no results]. “is that so...” you say, and soma just continues to eat while smiling as if nothing happened. you’re glad he left it there today. usually he’ll push you a little more or tease you. soma-san is good at listening to team tsugaru’s movements/happenings.

soma: “if you [eat] too slowly, it’ll be too late to take a bath”

i had to include a screenshot here bc it’s my policy whenever soma talks about baths. i bet he’s gonna ask to go in together too lmao. 

you realise that’s why he didn’t ask you about this and that. you apologise that things are rushed just because you were late. 

soma: “ahh, sorry... i don’t mean to blame you”

you say that ah no, you don’t feel like he was blaming/criticising you! and he says “that’s good then”. 

soma: “it’s getting late, so it’ll be quicker if we go in together”

I KNEW IT I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THIS!!!!! i’m ALSKJFSLDSDS?!!!!J LKSJFLDK!??!???! fLSKDJLKJF!!!!! 

“soma-san grins flirtily while swirling his glass of white wine”

soma: “i got new bath salts, shall we enjoy it together?”

YESYE SLYEEYESYEYYEYESY

“could it be... i was skillfully manipulated!?”**

**it says “guided”, basically meaning he like led her into this. remember when i said mc’s entire relationship with soma was one big trap? this is what i mean lol!!

--

anyway, that’s the end of chapter 4! i can’t believe how quickly it went by (maybe my language skills are getting just a little better lol... or maybe i just don’t have to spend ages trying to figure out what parts of whose body are being touched in what manner in these everyday scenes lmao). i can’t BELIEVE WE GET SOMA WANTING TO BATHE TOGETHER AGAIN. i mean i can believe he because he wants to do it constantly but i’m like giddy with excitement seeing it again lmao. i love seeing overly legalistic hlitf mc as well (the fact that she was late but still nagged momose to not start the car so abruptly... sis........) and also how cute that soma made paella and waited for her a;lsjfdlsk supportive boyfriends are the best. 

i hope you enjoyed this chapter, and that you’re as excited as i am for the next chapter and hopefully the inevitable bathing together scene...   

i’m sure i could probably draw more traffic by updating that scandalous kazuomi story but i am selfish and i want to finish this story first bc i just can’t get enough of soma.

i’ve also set up a ko-fi page here and would be incredibly grateful if you would like to support me for translations and being able to purchase more routes to recap in english!

[asksigynwifeofadumbass]

Deal

Words:2087 words

Warnings:

______________________________________________________________

Sigyn was woken up by the sunshine coming from the windows. She was waiting to again wake up in her room to live another with the huge pressure her parents had on her but when she open her eyes she didn’t see that grey and boring room instead she saw a golden room filled with elegant decoration. She later tried to sit but a horrific pain in her legs and arms made her stay still on the bed. The blonde turned her head to another side and found Loki sleeping in a chair.

-Loki? -She said. He moved a little but didn’t wake up -Loki. Honey, wake up!

The prince’s eyes open up revealing his icy blue eyes but under them there were black circles. Loki looked at Sigyn and when he just realized she was awake, his eyes filled up with tears while his lips formed a smile. He ran to her and hugged her.

-My darling -He whispered with weak voice -I thought I lost you for a moment.

-Loki, what happened?

He sighed -You lunged yourself to a window and tried to runaway but you passed out because you almost bleed yourself out for some reason but my mother helped you and now you here.

Thanks to Loki’s words, she remembered the event and, terribly, Theoric’s “advances”. But also how she revealed the truth to Loki about her engagement, making her eyes starting to fill with tears by guilt.

-Oh Loki... -She sobbed -I’m sorry that I lied to you...

Loki embraced her -Sigyn, you shouldn’t had lied to me and you shouldn’t, this time I’ll forgive you but I don’t want to see you cry right now -He said while with his thumb cleaned her pink cheeks from tears -It hurts me.

Sigyn let herself breath a little to calm herself down -Okay... Loki, how much has been since you brought me here?

-3 days.

-3 DAYS?! -She yelled with fear breaking her voice apart -Loki, my parents must be searching for me like crazy!

-Sigyn, calm down!

-I must leave! -Sigyn tried to get out of the bed but when she tried to get up pain possessed her weak legs making her fall to the ground.

Loki got close to her and put his hand on her leg, he began to whisper some words but Sigyn wasn't able to hear it. The horrid pain was gone after that.

-What did you do?

Loki gazed Sigyn with his ice blue eyes -It was a healing spell but it's only to end the pain.

Loki lifted Sigyn to leave her at the bed -Sigyn, you have expressed how much you hate there, why would you go back?

Sigyn opened her mouth to say something but nothing came because there isn't any reason to come back to that place except -Fear... -She whispered afraid -I'm afraid of them.. I always have and maybe... always be... -Loki looked at her with a sad and confused look -I... I can't believe I'm not there... It feels... liberating...

Loki patted the blonde’s back -Are you happy? -He shyly asked.

-I... I d-don’t know, Lo -She answered with confused look -I wished to be away from my parents and I got it but... to come to a bigger place than there... but still I’m with you here and... UGH! This is so frustrating! -She yelled annoyed and confused while tears begin to flood her eyes -I’m so confused...

Loki passed his hand to Sigyn’s cheek only to be softly rejected by Sigyn by removing it from her face. She covered her face with her hands as she sighed tired while tears teased her to fell into her cheeks.

-Loki... Can you give me a moment?... -She asked softly while her voice broke a little -Please... I need to rest...

Loki understood Sigyn's request and exited the room. Loki was confused with Sigyn's frustration and began to judge himself, Why isn't she happy? Did I do something? Does she like it here?... D-does she even love me?..., The last thought hurted to Loki like a dagger.

Loki went into his mother's chambers where she was sitting on her chair reading a book. Frigga noticed his son quickly.

-Loki, How is Sigyn? -She asked and noticed Loki’s unhappy expression -Did something happen, Sweetheart.

-Nothing important. Sigyn has woken up but now she’s resting.

Frigga knew that Loki had something bothering him but, because of his great pride, he wouldn’t admit it -Loki, I know something is bothering you and I think this moment is perfect for you to relieve yourself -The all-mother patted a chair next to her and Loki sited in there.

He sighed heavily -Nothing, I’m just tired -He lied. This matter wasn’t that bad nor the problem of Frigga, this was between Sigyn and him -I haven’t slept for 3 days and you know it, Mother.

Loki and the all-mother had breakfast. The talk started with what books they have read recently and later changed thanks to the question ‘Who is Sigyn’

-What do you mean with that, Mother?

-I mean here is she from? How did you two meet? Who are her parents? -Frigga said -Loki, I know she’s your lover but basically we don’t know anything about her... Can you at least tell me something about her background?

Loki felt that it was kind of wrong talking about Sigyn’s situation or to mistakenly make her seem like a total different person than she actually is... besides she was already too uncomfortable here and didn’t want to make it worst. But also it could move Frigga’s heart and she could convince Odin letting Sigyn stay.

-Sigyn has been raised for parents who for what I’ve seen have nothing of respect to her daughter and in the day I brought her here, she tried to get away from them but she got hurt seriously bad and thank the norns I was looking for her when she was escaping -Loki said to his mother. He clearly didn’t mention the engagement of Sigyn or that would be a hard no -Mother, Please I beg you to let Sigyn stay here, she’s not safe with her parents.

-Well...-The Queen said while having a thoughtful -I can convince your father but if your going to keep her and present her as your lover we need her to be part of the court.

Loki knew Sigyn was of a wealthy family but maybe using her family haus might give her parents a clue of where she is -Well, Sigyn is not from a wealthy family so how about if we make her a lady-in-waiting?

-That is a great idea, Loki but I already have some and I don’t think is appropriate to have more.

-What if we make her my lady-in-waiting? -Said Loki -Can we even make her mine?

-Well, Yes, technically, but is really something unseen it is normally the same sex but it’s possible especially if your going to present her as your lover we can also train her to be your consort.

Meanwhile at Sigyn’s room. Sigyn felt trapped in the room, so after having breakfast, she decided to try to walk, standing was painful but still it was sufferable to her, You suffered worst, She thought to herself while taking a step while holding a side of the bed so she couldn’t fall to the floor, she got out of the room while leaning against the wall so she could not fall to floor. She tried to go a little faster but still at the intent she fell to the floor.

-Agh! -She grunted in pain.

-Are you alright?! -Asked a strong male voice that got close to her.

Sigyn was trying to get up -I’m okay..I just fell... really hard -She looked up to the man and saw that was prince Thor -Oh... -She felt a little uncomfortable because the first time he saw her was probably when she was near death’s door.

-Let me help you there! -He said to carry Sigyn -You’re Sigyn, right? My brother’s lover?

The question kinda threw the blonde off, she knew, through Loki, that him and Thor aren’t that close but clearly Thor and the rest of the palace knew about her -Yes, that’s me...

-Where were you trying to go so I can’t take you there? -He asked.

-I was trying to go to the garden...-She answered with awkwardness her face -I need some fresh air...

-Why Loki couldn’t take you?

-I thought I was able to go myself but I’ve overestimated myself... Besides right now I need a little time for myself.

-Oh well... I can just-

-But it doesn’t mean that I’m not thankful for your help! -She said nervously -I just want to think in a place I’m comfortable...

-You already been on the garden?

-Yes! Actually there is where I met Loki.

-Really!?

-Yes! You didn’t know?

Thor shaked his head -No one knew about you until a few days ago but I do think he told my mother, the two are really close.

-Well, If you wish, one of this days I can tell you how Loki and I met -Sigyn suggested while a warm smile grew in her lips -But I think you were busy before you helped me so maybe later.

-You are wrong, I was bored and decided to have stroll until I’ve found you, so went we get to the garden you can tell me!

-Nice! To the garden then!

Thor and Sigyn arrived to the garden and quickly, Sigyn saw the tree where Loki and her seated at the spring ball -Oh! Thor, let’s sit under that tree! -She pointed out to the tree with excitement and nostalgia. They seated there and she couldn’t believe she was back there -I missed this place -She inhaled the fresh air smelling the perfume of all the flowers mixed in one and had a little moment of quiet and peace for herself -So you want to know how I met your brother? -Thor nodded. Sigyn began to tell with detail how she met Loki, and for the first time she was honest about it all; The arranged engagement; The lies to Loki; Theoric’s advances; The way she escaped from the grasp of Theoric and her parents; Everything -And now... Find me here at the Royal Palace.

-I’m so sorry for that, Sigyn, you and my brother have gone through a lot -Said Thor with a pained expression.

-He and I? We didn’t go through it, I don’t even think it has ended, I’d put him through a lot in a short span of time -She said with a tone of anger or irritation towards herself -I’m so selfish and naive, and Loki fell in love with a dumb, stupid, horrible person -She described herself with words that were used once by her parents against her.

-You’re not all of that! -Exclaimed the god of thunder -Yes, you were selfish when you lied to Loki but the rest... That isn’t you describing yourself, those are the words of a different person... Aren’t they? -He gave to the blonde an interrogative look but she ignored Thor’s eyes and looked another way.

-Loki says that he’ll try to convince the all-father through the all-mother to let me stay her but with my history they’ll probably reject me...-Sigyn said with a serious look in her face -And I think you are going to tell them the truth if Loki ends up lying to protect me, aren’t you?

-I won’t tell them, Sigyn, you’re the first person my brother has opened up and being honest in forever and if you make him happy, I won’t let anyone take his happiness away besides I like you... So I’ll keep everything a secret -He declared with honesty and seriousness in his words -But I beg you, don’t break his heart...

Sigyn didn’t know how to respond to that so it took her some time to think well her words -Thor, you brother to me is, as you put it, my happiness but also he’s the one who led me to my freedom and to me discovering what love is and I would be anywhere in the world if it meant to be with him -She said with confidence -I assure you that he we’ll be the only man in my life -She offered her hand to him so they could shake and he did, setting a deal between this two.

[kissmethroughthebone]

"I'm not like other girls, I don't need an allowance from my man" headass SB

"He doesn't like girls who use sugaring for financial gain or to rise up in society 💅💫"

...yeah, babe, so of course the man with two daughters older than you LOVES the fact that you fucked him at his house, TWO DAYS AND NIGHTS IN A ROW, and all you asked for out of him was a subway sandwich anf his wine cabinet.

.....

My only time EVER having a "fuck me just for fast food" phase, was with FWBs who I literally had no interest in, and, when I never had entered the bowl, nor knew of many places outside of Burger King and Chipotle for their broke asses to get me food from, so. :) thats on that.

And so imagine me, a year later, with experience and knowledge of making men old and young buy me things, clothes, food, gifts, ubers, car trips, anything in the world, and with my ass sitting pretty in the most expensive hotel in all of the city, and 400 dollars richer with pork roast and more in my stomach...

Teaching a newbie SB about the bowl.

And all the advice, tips, about manifesting her goals, funding her schooling, abstaining from sex right off the bat, meeting in public, safety advice, what to look for and avoid....

All that.

Anything you could think of, I fucking told her that.

And she.

Fucked.

Immediately.

.....

Met him at his house at 10pm for the "first date"...... stupid bitch. Strike one, but her not listening to the valuable advice of "dont go to his house, he could kill you or just hit it and dip" was telling enough of how she had viewed our friendship.

Then she saw he put out a *fruit platter* for her.

Nice..... but then didn't serve her dinner.

Smoked her out. Fine, you got weed. Cool...

And maybe an hour or two into them "really clicking", a.k.a. probably her talking while stoned and him just nodding everything on to be fucking polite... she takes him by the hand, leads him into the bedroom and fucks him totally unprovoked.

OH WOW, SIS.

I know some sugar babies still get an allowance or arrangement even after still having sex, but jesus.......

Then he left for work, and let her stay at his place. Fucked again. He gave her a subway sandwich, not even a footlong, since she "wasnt all that hungry"...

1) Cool, so she didnt even get a dinner out of it.

2) She's been rewarded for dick with half of a footlong, (NOT EVEN A FULL ONE SIS HE HAS THE MONEY AND YOU WOULD BE HUNGRY LATER????,) and with all the liquor in his cabinets. That she chugged most of the morning and night, before going "But I'm not really all that into drinking, anyways", while chugging a vodka + white wine + other intense alcohol concoction she whipped up over Instagram Chat.

And..... I was pissed. :)

And 3) She never discussed an allowance before meeting.

.....

You can imagine the screams I have, deep in my soul, after maybe four hours or MORE of straight up teaching her all I know.

Then when I told her I was disappointed in her not taking my advice, she hit me with the Pick Me level shit.

"He doesn't want a girl who uses sugaring for financial gain or social status!"..... so, hes broke, and/or you're dating a sugar daddy that won't give sugar? I hope your hands get soft from all the exfoliation caused by the rock you're trying to cause to bleed, that shit wont work sis.

"I'm a big girl, I can handle myself. Trust me, I know a bad situation when I see one, and THAT wasnt one!".... Sure, a 50 year old pathetic college professor with a slim body doesnt terrify you, but a pathetic college professor can get preeeeetty scary when he roofies and rapes you. But, she wasnt thinking that far ahead if she walked to a random mans house, in the skimpiest clothes ever, at the dead of night while claiming nothing bad would happen and she would not fuck him....

Even if nothing too terrible did, something couldve. If the thing of "i wont fuck him dont worry" did happen and she didnt think shed do it before meeting him, imagine what else she didnt think would happen could've happened....

And just several rants of her saying her intuition would tell her.

.....

I sympathized; she had been in several abusive relationships with terrible men, and wass most recently dumped by some fuckhead who was grooming her.

So the attention of an older man giving her free booze of a big selection, some pretty bomb dick, and letting her sleep over and giving her fruit???? Totally head above heels, when the bar is literally just "be white, and treat me somewhat human, even if it's rooted in selfish acts", and even her last neckbeard boyfriend from discord had her convinced that he was "the best thing to ever happen to her in life".

And.... the one that struck me the most, was the remark of "using men for financial gain" part.

I knew I had an off vibe about her when she was deadpanning and rolling her eyes hearing how good I had it anywhere in my life; but ESPECIALLY with sugaring. (Or an open relationship with two hot guys who treated me right, but alas, she could barely even find one for her.)

And yet once she got single, she was begginggggg to hear how I did it.

And... more signs came that she was interested in the fantasy and not the reality, or sometimes vice versa.

Rolling her eyes when I told her that a 25 dollar weekly allowance was so fucking low.

When I told her that anything she wanted, even a rose gold Apple Watch and a new laptop, an apartment, or whatever she wanted, could be at her fingertips if she plays all her cards right.

When I gave her safety advice.

When I told her about my life.

Anything.

She had been either repulsed, doubtful, disdainful, or nonplussed about it.

And look whar happened....

An old man was shown he could fuck a thick black girl for two to three days, nonstop, for a single subway sandwich.

What a shame.

Thats fucking sad my dudes.

Aaaaand her overall subtle hating on me showed its ass when she said what he said.

So I'M the bad guy, for actually expecting a sugar daddy to do what he says, and knows enough to know that sex too soon wont end well?

So she's gonna hate on me for caring about HER safety and not wanting her to ignore every safety precaution advised?

That's like being mad at a construction site owner for wanting you to wear a hard hat, and your reasoning being "I MISSED THE HUGE ROCK FALLING DOWN, ITS NO BIG DEAL! I TRUST MY INSTINCTS, JESUS CHRIST".

Plus, it did strike a cord.

But I just thought:

Yes, I do want a successful future.

I want rich babies, a funded college education, an apartment and a lifestyle of my own to support.

And most importantly, my fucking heart to keep beating.

So excuse me if a girl wastes my time and hers, by not taking my advice and risking her life all for the sake of a Subway sandwich, and not funding for a huge life of her dreams, and just for a subpar meal for one night.

I know how to flip my future from his shitty bunk bed, to a life of champagne and caviar.

And she knows how to flip her life from wanting to be a successful sugar baby that supposedly makes enough money to move out with me, buy groceries, and have a potentially funded college......

To..... a subway sandwich and an alcohol problem, and a number, that blocks her days after having sex.

......

I was done with her.

I never thought there'd be girls insecure enough to stoop that low.

Low enough to shun another girl, who does the same thing and gets a thousand times more thsn she does.

[rich50g-blog]

Starting anew

Hi i am Richard i was married for over 30 years to a non loving woman, a month ago i decided to find a loving woman for the rest of my life. I am 67 so maybe not impossible thing to accomplish but will be difficult to find someone who would love an old man, I am not wealthy by any means i will tell why that matters later, I also moved to Kingwood Texas i worked here 30 years ago and loved all the trees and trails for biking and walking. New apartment took me a while to get settled in, when i first got here i started having some problems with my left knee and hip, my hip was pain my knee was weakness so much so if i put all my weight on it i would fall down, I know how to fall from past experiences with weak ankles, i mostly scrape a knee nothing too serious. So I have also signed up for several dating sights some are worthless some are ok, some attract scammers who love old guys to try and weasel money from them, that happened to me 8 times before i stopped using the site., then i tried Zoosk, and was attracting all the wrong woman i thought, mostly gray haired old sad ladies, I realize i am old gray haired old sad man but thought i could get someone a little younger and intelligent. i next joined Anastasia-date, mostly Ukraine with some Russian ladies thrown in, most liked my age and my pictures, so that worked out pretty well, i would do a search for a particular city, and height of the lady, nothing else was added, I am 6′2″ so liked taller ladies 5′8 and up. that was easy there are a lot of tall slavis women, then after a couple of chats i learned to search ladies with no kids, I have had my kids did not need anymore, i also looked for ladies over 35 because the ones under that all wanted babies or family. I have two grown daughters and after my youngest was born i had not one but two Vasectomy’s which was fun no. hehe So my search contained height, no kids, over 35, and i added different levels of English, I found out Intermediate was not good either the ladies did not understand a word i said or typed, they had to use a translator program so then i would add Advanced or fluent to my search, the advanced ladies knew moer English and understood me pretty much. So the only problem i noticed with the women here was the men there, every one mentioned how selfish the men were there and only wanted sex and no relationship, So i was getting more and more information into what these ladies wanted in a man and not wanted. So I fit my profile to feel their wants and needs, Wow I started to get some beautiful, intelligent women who preferred older men, they trust them not to be selfish, and conceded like most not all slavic men. I will not put all of the men there in the category but a lot are, some examples a pretty 30 year old lady with 3 kids from Odessa Ukraine, I mean she is gorgeous, intelligent and dumped by her husband who found a much younger woman, She raised 3 kids so far by herself for 10 years because her husband did not want the responsibility to bother him. What a loser and he has not seen his kids since he left with new girlfriend, ok anyway she is very nice and pretty but finding a lady with 3 kids was not my idea of life, so i told her goodbye, sorry i have to have somethings about the ladies taht i can live with. that was not one of them,  you won’t believe the next one, who was a stewardess living in Odessa, what a crazy bitch oh my, oh yea there is something called video chat, not all ladies have it, but this one did, she was pretty and tall ok and she was 30 with not kids again ok. She started stripping I mean to nothing, and playing with herself i was not prodding her to do anything my mouth was open in awe of what was happening, by the way video chat is very expensive. Next this crazy woman starts to talk about her mother, I go ok as she talks more and more about her telling me how pretty she is and stuff, again i know i should have left the chat but i wanted to see what this woman was going to do next, well next made me sick, this whole entire time she was setting me up to have sex with her and her mother, my gosh sorry that is sick to me, so now i have had enough I closed the video chat and blocked her from contacting me again, One thing i was starting to find out was none of the ladies i had talked to wanted to or thought of leaving the site, they said they felt safe, but me thinks that the site programmed them to never leave, because site only makes money if they get men to chat with them, So none of the ladies even mention it when i ask they change the subject. The thing is i came to figure out is this site and most of them do not want the people to ever meet, they make it so hard to meet it is almost impossible too, the women do not realize this or if they do afraid to leave the site because they live in old communist state and they were told to do everything and obey without question. That is why anytime i would ask a lady to leave this site to like Google Hangouts they would say maybe later i still have not made enough money on you yet haha here is another thing all chats are monitored and if you were to type the name of a free site the monitor would dot out what you typed. Again they do not want the girls to meet anyone they lose money if that happens., So I still talk to a couple of ladies just to chat and see how life in their country is.Most of them are still bad, but flights to Europe are opening up. Ukraine still has civil war going on and no body can fly there for obvious reasons they shoot down airliners. for the ladies to get to the area they have to take a bus to Kiev and fly from there, riding the bus through a bad area. So it is not easy, because of Covid I would talk to many ladies because the chance of visiting them was almost impossible because of borders closed.. Ok moving on i had two MRI’s last week and i was given a appointment with a neurosurgeon, they told me i have degenerative disc disease in spin lumbar causing pressure on nerves and spinal stenosis, but i did not understand it could be surgery or physical therapy and med . we will see. Ok while i was looking at the Europe dating site I had found the Asian one mostly Chinese women who are all very beautiful and good wife's they also think older men are better because the young ones they cannot trust, this site is owned and operated by the Europe one with same features, I found here that most of the ladies here do not want babies over 35, so again my search criteria consisted of over 35 at first but i changed that later for another reason. I would also in search add wealthy or rich, just to see how many women turned up,  hundreds of not thousands of ladies starting from 19 on up. and again they are looking hard for old guys they can trust. Most were business owners from very rich families. originally i was not in this for money but i got to think why not i am on SSN and a small Pension so heck yes. ok I first got a letter from woman 1 on July 9th, two days later her sister wrote one. Shes lady 2. lady number 1′s letter said she was a banker wanting to invest in the U S and moving their business here, yea what are the odds right? Well  when i got her sisters lady number 2 who told me their family where heirs to the Qing Dynasty, i  did my research and found that their family is one of the oldest and riches family in China. So wow, this is the arrangement the sisters wanted to make with me, I would marry one of them and the other would be my concubine. What the heck? So now i have to chose between a gorgeous 27 year old or the other sister a beautiful 19 year old, who are promising to fly here in private jet. ,Oh yea i have set up a call to the girls next week and supposed to talk with Dad as well. No pressure right? Now i am getting a little nervous the girls are telling me that their father wants me to take over the family, because Dad wants to retire,I was a manager and engineer for ATT for over 30 years but this would be managing the wealthiest family business in China. Yes it is getting very real now, oh yes on the dating site on my search for rich or wealthy or business owners thousands of ladies profiles appeared I talked to some but very immature would in first chat say they have loved me all of their life, this was common with most of them i talked too, The younger sister is cute but i can tell is very immature so chances are i am going to chose the older sister who owns several banks, and wants to move her business to the U S which allows me to live where i want too, my choice is San Diego, i grew up there and love it there, by the beach both girls seem excited about that.Well its 5 in the morning my hip will not let me sleep but i am going to try again, night all till tomorrow for more Richie

[bates--boy]

The summoning site was in order, replicating everything like the first time, from the (now-stained) tin bowl sitting in its trivet above the candle, to the instructions he had written placed next to him for reference, to the camera rolling in front of him for more documentation to look through -- though, this wasn’t about research.

And because of that, Peter went to his bedroom, crouching in the closet to push aside everything until he found what he needed, tucked away in the dark corner. As the curious, syrupy pillars of light stood behind him and watched over his shoulder, Peter picked up one of the bundles of black velvet and untied its corners.

The gaping twin cavities bore into him as soon as the fabric fell away, its soulless and empty stare still somehow mocking him, made worse by the lipless smirk of its crooked and chipped teeth. Whoever this person was, they did not practice proper dental hygiene. Peter bounced the skull to feel the weight with his palm, more an absentminded tic than anything, as his thoughts raced with the half-formulated plan and doubts that it would even work. But he had to trust it, and he had to make this trip count: he had only three of these skulls, and his old medical research buddy had already asked a lit of questions during the first request.

Next, he went to his bedside table, holding the skull in the fold of his arm as he would a soccer ball. Peter yanked it open and reached inside to unfold the satin wrap. There, lying on its side, glinting in the morning light fighting its way through the blackout curtains Peter had drawn together to curb any source of heat, was the S.A.C.M. 1935A. Hers; he still remembered the weight of it in his tiny hands when she shoved it to him, and the instructions -- shoot any kraut bastard that gets near you -- she whispered to him when she forced him into a closet to hide. It had since been plated a rose gold like the slender crucifix that dangled from her neck, the cracks and chips in the wooden handle filled and the thing coated over with a white and gold marble paint. The bullets were hidden away, and the only use the gun had was to be polished on the occasions Peter felt truly nostalgic.

He carried both back to the kitchen table, sitting the skull in the bowl and the pistol directly in front of him. He lit the candle underneath the bowl and, unwrapping the bandage from one of his hands, wrung and tensed up his palms until the blood he needed trickled into the empty sockets. His vision began to warp, twisting at the outer edges. The souls that had gathered in his house turned to him, he could sense their stares, but none seemed important, when underneath his nose, the gun started to emit a glow, faint, a little weak after nearly eighty years, but showing that it was indeed her leftover energy.

His body locked up, anticipating the dragging and flying between planes like last time. The souls that inhabited his flat screamed, converging, reaching for him to pull him away and hold him down.

Peter took a dry, ragged breath.

And he was in. No dramatics, no tricks, no flashing horrors that rivaled psychedelic drugs or religious-themed nightmares instilled in him by having religion literally beat into him throughout his tender ages. It was similar to walking into the next room, albeit one that sucked the air out of him and left his insides feeling cold while his skin still burned with a fever of millions of suns.

Why do you keep coming back?!

She was right there in front of him, recognizable even though her form was indistinguishable from the numberless mass of souls around them. It was her voice that made him want to lose himself in the childish love he had for her, to wrap his arms around this pillar of light and bury his face into her, let his body burn to ash just so he could hold her and be held by her once more.

Then the Black Hole howled, and his descent into childish longing cut short.

“I'm getting you out of here.” And apparently dozens more, he could see out of the corner of his eye as they clambered towards him, the beacon. But his eyes were fixed on her. He took a step closer, reaching a hand out to her. “I... I know that when I take you back to earth, to the other side... you can be reborn. Reincarnation, Marion! It’s real!”

No, Peter, it’s--

“Yes, it is!” It may have been the exhaustion that drove his voice up a couple octaves, or the sense of being broiled alive as the souls drew around him, latching onto him and to his promise of safety from the hungry black holes and a second, third, or fourth life. He was partially aware that he had no need to screech, because the Black Hole wasn’t loud right now, even this close to feeding time.

Still, he screamed, “I see it happening all the time! With my own two eyes!” And due to what he was sure was dehydration, his voice cracked when he asked, “Why are you fighting me with this?”

Peter sensed a sigh from Marion, an impatience riddled with barely-kept frustration.

‘Cause you’re messing with things that you don’t understand. You think it’s simple as dragging me back to the living and forcing me to be born again so all of your attachment issues are fixed? Do you think this will fix how I died? IT WON’T!

If there had been oxygen in this hellhole, that blow to Peter’s chest would have knocked the air out of him. He blinked, feeling the threat of tears tickling the back of his eyes; they were probably already falling in the physical realm.

The Black Hole’s howl rang throughout his body, and he felt the beginning tug of the Black Hole’s inhalation. But an emptiness had already washed over him, and it felt like there was nothing about him for the Black Hole to consume.

“...You don’t want to come back.” It felt like a question, like he was begging her to say no, that she wanted to come back, despite her coming back to this place and dwelling here for how long time snaps or oozes here..

Her voice, stretched and nearly drowned out in the rushing wind of the Black Hole’s inhalation, was gentle this time, soothing. Even though she did not say what he wanted her to say.

What happens if I do come back? How would you even find me in my new life? You plan on coming back here over and over, pulling me out and making me live different lives until the universe ends?

Peter knew it was a rhetorical question, a challenge to the shortsightedness he went into this rescue mission with. He felt foolish and embarrassed when he answered with all the certainty left in his chest.

“Yes.”

The souls that didn’t get away fast enough lifted up to the screaming Void, Marion among them. The ones latching onto Peter urged him to leave this plane and take them with him. 

No.

She said it with such a heaviness that it shocked Peter. It wasn’t just resignation, or a parental exhaustion that came with raising a difficult child. It was a long-held acceptance. Peter felt her energy push against him, trying to force him back into the living world, and shoving away the souls constricting him so he could escape faster.

I love you, baby blue. Go home.

The void around him began to fuzz, overlaying with the brightness of his living room; he even felt the tickle of a rug and the oh-so needed coolness of his hardwood floor along his back. There was a moment that he felt he was choking on a hardness that won’t go down, and heard the faint cry of his cat next to his ear. He watched, gaping, as Marion’s soul lifted to the waiting, apathetic, selfish monster that was all of their end. In the living realm, he swallowed that lump and stuck his nails into the open bite until he felt the warm, coppery liquid fill his palm.

In the void, he screamed.

He screamed, flinging himself up and grabbing a surprised Marion, He screamed, throwing his weight down until Marion was ripped from the event horizon. He screamed, using that same momentum to throw her out of harm’s way and fly upwards into the Black Hole. He screamed, even louder than the Black Hole, his fist reaching out to sock it and, in the process, the atoms of his arm slowly pulling apart and getting sucked into the blackness.

He was all thirst for blood and mindless violence, thrashing against the dark surface that crawled all over his body. Peter didn’t know if he was trying to escape, yanking himself out of the mass like a drowning swimmer in a body of unforgiving and ravenous water, or if he was fighting it, clawing his way deeper inside until he found the core of this son of a bitch that he could rip apart with his teeth. Finally, finally, he had something to unleash his everything onto, with no consequences. This Black Hole is so hungry? Let it feast on eight decades of powerlessness as his brothers and sisters run the world to ruin, and the loneliness of being tolerated but not loved -- never loved. He fed this Black Hole the wild confusion born from, well shit, everything, all the big life questions he was always told to turn to this figment God for answers -- here was his God, here was everyone’s God: an uncaring universe that will rip itself apart no matter what helpless creature inhabited it, uncaring of its hopes and dreams and family and friends.

Peter blinked in and out of his black-out rage, catching snippets of the universe beyond the event horizon as it will happen: planets crashing into each other, stars spinning and forming as one, then galaxies; the water of Earth rising, the North Sea crashing into his fort until nothing -- nothing-- stood there,  then the giant ocean drying, and extraterrestrial creatures finally responding to the calls and pleas of a long-dead planet. The creatures from the other planets waging war against each other -- have they learned nothing from Earth?!-- until they, too, are extinct.

And then, the Collapse.

And it all made Peter madder! It made him scream louder, made him rip further into the Black Hole -- yes, this is a fight! -- made him claw apart this giant mass which he knew felt like nothing more than a flea biting a horse, but he will be damned if he didn’t become the most murderous little flea this Black Hole has ever dealt with!

With a final buzz, the Black Hole swallowed him.

--

This thing... what is this thing? This foreign object that sunk itself into the mass along with some of the other sources of energy and potential it had to collect and save. It felt odd and out of place, like it tried to rip itself out of the timeline from which it was born, a thing that tried to rip Fate and put it together to its liking.

It was stuck in a pose mid-thrashing, eyes squeezed shut tight, thin body twisted, hands gnarled into claws and legs stuck out wildly. It looked like a confused and scared infant, and the last of its dying screams made it sound like one, too. Perhaps a taste...

Eugh! No! Wretched! This thing, it tastes too... alive. A fruit that was a paradox of unripe and spoiled, with the sourness of not meeting his end yet and the arrogant taint of its attempt to rewrite the way of the universe. But it has the potential to be bursting with flavor of all the experiences it will live back on its right plane, a rich and delectable story to feed on when it meets its rightful end.

Until then...

--

And the Void spat him back out.

[bitchiago]

HAUNTING GENEVIEVE / CHAPTER ONE 

(full chapter under cut)

Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church does not believe that the mortal sin of suicide automatically sends the performer of said act to hell. In fact, the Catechism itself says, and I quote, that ‘we should not despair of the eternal salvation of persons who have taken their own lives. By ways known to him alone, God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance.’

The internet is handy for little titbits such as this. A personal favourite that’s been gnawing at my soul recently after trolling question and answer forums the three weeks prior has been ‘one doesn't attend a funeral out of respect for the dead, but for the living.’

I’m new to the funeral scene, the mourning scene in general, actually. Hell, I haven’t even lost a grandparent. And while some of these bits of information come as absolutely knee shaking, leg buckling, hand sweating, anxiety inducing; sometimes you can find something on these sites to calm your nerves a little. Still, there’s very little online about attending the funeral of your best friend who you were knees deep in an illicit homosexual affair with, hid far from both your parents, friends and loved ones.

Point is, I’m doing as much research as I can for my first funeral since it is such an impromptu and particularly confusing one.

One thing I can say, however, that I didn’t need to find affirmation for online, is that this was the first day I didn’t wake up crying my eyes red raw, and, for a matter of fact, the first that I didn’t wake up and immediately have to rush to the bathroom to throw up, which I have been routinely doing since I found out about Molly’s death. This time I rushed and gagged till I had tears in my eyes. It’s involuntary by this point. There’s no other way for my body to cope and catch up with my mind at the same time apparently.

Each morning has been the same since the day I got the damned call. I wake up, check my phone for a text that is not there nor will it ever be, see the texts that are almost always there, then rush to the bathroom and try to make it to the toilet bowl before last night’s dinner spews up onto the hall carpet. I didn’t realise a death could affect you in such a physical way until the end of Molly.

The difference in today, or so I’ve speculated with the limited brain power I’m able to sacrifice for the cause, is that the stress seems to have completely balled up inside of me and made it impossible for me to do anything but think about the funeral. This includes effective vomiting.

I close the PDF I found of the Catechism I never once thought I would find myself searching through and return to my google tab. All the questions I could ask and yet none would explain the clusterfuck of a situation I’m in.

I saw Molly’s mum two days after she found her daughter in her bedroom unconscious. At first she thought she was asleep, then when Molly wouldn’t get up for breakfast, not even when her mother shook her shoulders and screamed her name trying to wake her up, she realised exactly what her daughter was. The empty packet of sertraline gave her enough information for her to piece together how it had happened.

I didn’t find out till the afternoon when Lillian, Molly’s best friend, called me on Molly’s parent’s behalf. (See? The best friend role is taken, what am I supposed to grieve in front of people at the funeral? The one who found out second? The second-best friend?). Ever since Lillian’s call, ever since she said the words and I froze and she asked if I was still there and I hung up, I’ve been ignoring her attempts to talk to me. Dread is not the word I’m feeling to face her again. Or Molly’s parents. Or Molly’s aunt and uncles and favourite cousins I never got the chance to meet over the short-lived school year and summer we were dating.

After typing in a few ‘do I have to cry at a funeral?’ and ‘how much crying is too much crying?’ questions into google, not having the motivation to read a single answer to them, I shut my laptop on my desk and spin round in my chair.

My phone sits perched on my bed beside my pillow, sheets sprawled out in a mess on the bed after my hasty escape to the bathroom this morning. I move to sit at the end of my bed across from my phone. I had been using it less now that I hadn’t anyone to text except for my parents. Still, I seemed to keep it close by and check it out of habit every few minutes. I don’t know what keeps me repeating this ritual knowing full well my lock screen will be the same as ever. Worst of all is whenever I catch myself looking for new texts with that familiar name at the top and I start to feel a little queasy, which is making me worse for wear considering how my mornings have been going recently. I’m thinking of getting a watch instead of a phone.

The contemplative eye contact I’ve managed to hold with my phone shatters when the thing starts ringing and vibrating its way off the pillow onto the sheets. I pick it up and switch it off. It was my second alarm, the one I set last night telling me that I had two minutes till I had to leave for the funeral, in case I ignored the first one telling me I was T minus twenty in hopes of making the event disappear from my calendar altogether. But, and I’m sad to say I’m quickly coming to this realisation, ignoring something doesn’t make it go away. Not even when you wish it with your whole being.

“Genevieve!” I hear my mum call from downstairs. T-minus 0. My alarm had tricked me.

 My mum holds my hand through the whole funeral. At first I pull away, but after the third time she grabbed a hold of my sweaty palm, I try and settle into it.

We sit in the pews, deep in the middle of the congregation, on those god-awful cold hard benches, and I try with all my might to pay attention to the words being spoken by the priest. Love, peace, great tragedy – it all sounded the same. If I really needed comforting, I could google the exact transcript he was speaking from. In fact, I had been doing exactly that for the past week. Every so often I glance around the rows of faces, trying to catch an eye of someone, anyone really, to ask are you getting any of this? To find some kind of connection so I didn’t feel so lost in it all. The only one I manage to find is Jesus hanging on the back wall, right above the priest.

I watch Jesus hang over him, as I do every Sunday morning, feeling strange that today is actually a Tuesday, and feel those same shudders crawl down my spine that I always feel when I look too carefully at the hanging Jesus. Gruesome, it is; I had always thought so. A dead man hanging from two planks of wood, for everyone to see – and the large crucifixes intended for hanging above the altar in churches are detailed things too, they’re created to be a spectacle. The blood dripping from Jesus’ hands are always too real a shade of red to be just paint, and if I ever looked at it for too long, it would look wet.

My eyes shoot down again to the priest, love, peace, love, peace, CRASH! The bloody crucifix could fall and crush him like a bug at any moment. I wonder if he knew. It doesn’t fall. Of course, it doesn’t – it never does. They’re sturdy spectacles, crucifixes are. Detailed bloody sturdy things.

I don’t manage a single bit of contact with any of the attendees. All of the faces remain locked on the priest. They don’t need the contact with me as much as I need it with them. I am alone, even with my mum’s hand to hold onto. Not even God himself will give me a sparing glance to lock onto. I squeeze my mum’s hand harder.

When the mass ends, I find myself standing by the exit, expertly avoiding the priest’s handshake as well as eye contact with the church goers who had done their duty by attending and were now leaving the church to go on with their lives. I fear that I’m going to be stuck in this church forever, hovering around and waiting for my mum who is near the altar, giving her condolences to Molly’s family and trying to make eye contact with me as a last chance at getting me to come over and speak with them.

Molly’s mum had already seen me earlier and smiled, which I returned, and that was about enough as I could manage. We both understood, or at least I hope we did.

I look down at my hands and start flicking my fingers off of one another. Ah, yes, the perfect distraction. Simple enough to not get convoluted and stress me out, but quiet and subtle enough for it not to draw attention from anyone and have them wisecrack something about it to get me talking to them.

As soon as my mum had wished well, we would be leaving.

I look back over to them, but something is different – different as in my mum is waving at me, beckoning me over. Not only that, but Molly’s immediate family is looking at me, too. Only me.

I drop my hands to my sides and dart my eyes to the side. Was someone calling me? Someone in the church foyer, perhaps?

I take a sharp breath and shuffle out of the church and into the foyer, making myself hidden deep into a new crowd. The same church goers – but now not seated and in perfect formation for my hideout.

I glance back through into the church and run a hand down my face.

Yes, it seems at only aged seventeen, Genevieve Walsh has ditched her first funeral and its own grieving family to save her own selfish feelings. Not even a goodbye!

A wash of relief washes over me, an emotion I wasn’t quite expecting to feel today. Then comes a tap on my shoulder.

“Genevieve?”

Oh! Wasn’t I too quick on the relief front? The voice is recognised immediately, it’s the same voice that said the words that tore my world apart just three weeks ago. The voice I had been ignoring ever since.

I stand frozen. Perhaps I didn’t feel the tap, maybe I didn’t hear my name, maybe… maybe someone was calling me in the church now too? I side eye the main church hall again, no… it was too risky. Trading one tricky emotional situation for another when I had just ran tail between my legs from the first? No thanks.

Then something hitches in my stomach – shifts in a way its not supposed to. I feel it. It’s happening. Of all the mornings, I have been training for this. I look dead up and make eye contact with the bathroom. Finally, the morning vom sesh has come to take me.

“Sorry,” I whisper back at Lillian, or I maybe don’t. I can’t be sure. All I know now is that I’m saying excuse me’s and I’m sorry’s at people as I push them out of the way and stumble to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

I lift the toilet seat, kneel before it and see salvation as chunks of Weetabix come pouring out of my mouth, splashing back the holy water at my face.

For a moment, I am not scared. I have not just run from my mother and a grieving family. I am not someone who hides. I’m not connected to the pain that waits for me outside of this cubicle. I am alone, I am safe, and this old wooden door gives me the sanctuary I need to be fine.

If only for a second, I am free.