#yes this includes and is mostly about shadow. if I see any more ''Well Actually he's like 60'' takes I'm gonna blow up

[heartbeetz]

As a sonic enjoyer I think people (adults) need to be SO careful selfshipping with sonic characters. Pleeeaasseee remember most members of the main cast are children. There ARE adults, so the franchise as a whole isn't off the table, but I feel like this comes up way more often than it should.

[deadlysoupy]

DATV banter if my Rook (Urchin) was a companion >> 1 << / >> 2 << / 3 / ?

took a little break for the holidays, want to get back into this bc it was fun!

Neve: Rook. You started wearing more Tevinter clothes. Is it because you’re away from the Lords? Rook: Maybe? I just wanted a change of style. I’m used to running in ruins, barely any clothes on. I should cover at least something. For the public. Neve: (laughs) Right. Don’t want anyone staring at you. Rook: Oh. (coughs) I guess.

~~

Neve: Rook, have you been in Minrathous before? Rook: I… have, yes. Neve: Would you look at that. Rook: What? Neve: I’m surprised you answered, to be honest. But that wasn’t why I asked. Truth is, the word of a very peculiar person spread all over the Shadow Dragons a couple of years ago. Wondering if you’ve had anything to do with it. Rook: Oh? Why’d you think I would? Neve: The rumour mostly included a hooded figure. Rivaini clothes, loud giggles, the jiggle of gold… Just asking if you know someone who matches that description. Rook: Hm. Can’t say I do. You have a lead? Neve: Maybe. It went dead more than a year ago, unfortunately. Rook: Well, keep me updated on that mysterious person. I’m curious, myself. Neve: Sure thing.

~~

Rook: About you being a cat. Lucanis: I’m listening. Rook: You’re hard to get close to, you need space, you slink, you purr, you’re quiet… Lucanis: What was the one before that? Rook: You slink? Lucanis: No, after… (sighs) Forget it. But… you aren’t wrong. Rook: Aw! Well, good. Lucanis: If I’m a cat, you’re a magpie. Rook: (laughs) Can’t deny that! I do love shiny trinkets. Lucanis: And you’re loud. Rook: Wow. Ouch. Lucanis: Don’t worry. It’s not a bad quality.

~~

Lucanis: Watch your step. Rook: Aw-w, are you worried about me? Lucanis: It’s basic safety. You get distracted easily. Don’t trip. Rook: I won’t trip if you hold my hand. Lucanis: (laughs) You won’t, but you’ll never learn to look where you’re going. Rook: You’re a spoilsport.

~~

Bellara: You know a lot about magic and engineering! I didn’t expect that. Rook: I’m sorry? Bellara: Oh, I meant that you don’t really know any terms or technicalities, it’s almost like you’re going by your gut. You helped me a lot, Rook, I hope you know that. Rook: Aw, it’s nothing, I’m glad it worked out. Truth is, I’ve had experience in fixing things, like you, I guess. Mine just wasn’t… voluntary. Bellara: I… see what you mean. At least it turned out to be useful! Rook: (chuckles) I guess so, yeah.

~~

Rook: Bel, what was the relationship with your Dalish clan like? Bellara: Oh, we got along great! Well, mostly. I wouldn’t say Cyrian and I were the “outcasts”, but our studies certainly met some resistance. But our clan still supported us — we just wanted what was best for the elves, after all. Rook: And… after? Bellara: After? I didn’t care. Cyrian was gone, and I had no reason to stay. The Veiljumpers took up most of my time, and the search for the Nadas Dirthalen, of course. Rook: Hm. Okay.

~~

Davrin: Rook. The thing I wanted to talk about earlier. Rook: M-hm? Davrin: You don’t have a vallaslin. You come from an alienage? Rook: (grunts) Great topic to talk about, Davrin. No, I’m not from an alienage. Davrin: Hey, I just asked. What’s got your tunic in a twist? Rook: It’s nothing. Not a pleasant topic to talk about. Why do you want to know? Davrin: Simple curiosity. Allies, as well as enemies, need to be studied. Rook: O-okay, that’s definitely not creepy.

~~

Davrin: Where are you from, then? Rook: Davrin. My sweet, brick-headed Davrin. Why would you want to know that? Davrin: Specifically because you don’t want to talk about it. Besides, you know where I’m from. It’s only fair I get to know, too. Rook: Now’s really not the time, Hero. Ask me tomorrow at lunch. Davrin: Will you actually answer? Rook: Let’s find out.

~~

Harding: I’ve noticed you don’t ask me much about the Inquisition. Rook: I don’t. Harding: Why? It’s the thing most people know me for. Rook: I don’t like judging people by their past. Who they worked for, what they did. The present to me matters more than anything. And I’ve known you as an excellent scout, friend, and a sucker for gross taste combos. Ham and jam? Really? Harding: You’re lucky I don’t get offended much. But you aren’t interested in the Inquisition in the slightest? Rook: Nope. Too many important people in one place. Trevelyan seems… intense. I have problems with an authority like her. Harding: Inquisitor Trevelyan was intense, alright. We didn’t have a pleasant interaction that wasn’t about “The Cause” even once. Rook: See? That’s what I mean. So, no. To me, you’re Lace, not “the Inquisition’s famous scout”. Harding: Huh. Thanks. Rook: For what? Harding: For seeing me as me.

~~

Harding: You remind me of someone from the Inquisition, actually. Rook: Ugh. I hope not Solas. Harding: (laughs) No, not at all! Sera, actually. Rook: Sera? The Red Jenny girl? Harding: And you said you weren’t interested. Rook: What comes around goes around. The Lords worked with them once. Rumours there spread like wildfire, so. Harding: Oh, wow! Didn’t know they weren’t really a secret. But, yeah, you remind me of her in many ways. You’re both elves, both aren’t very elf-y, take almost nothing seriously, interrupt others, have a shaky moral compass, hate the rich, love pranks… Rook: Okay, I get it! Fasta vass. Just say I’m annoying, at this point. Harding: Woah, I never meant it like that. Sera was a shining light in many people’s eyes. To some allies, she was inspiring, to others she was a nuisance to watch out for. But to our enemies — she was an unpredictable force to be reckoned with. Rook: “Unpredictable force”, huh? I can work with that. Harding: And inattentive, too. Rook: Ps-sh.

[alpaca-clouds]

How I became obsessed with Vampires

I wanna talk a bit about horror and horror related stuff this week. Because I adore horror, and generally I would argue that horror -especially paranormal horror - is easily my favorite genre. While in other genres there is some stuff I like more than any horror, horror is generally the genre where I like a whole lot of stuff. More than in any other.

And I kinda just want to talk about how it all started.

See, when I was a kid, I was literally afraid of my own fucking shadow. Like, I was so afraid of ghosts, aliens, cryptids and everything else. With one exception: vampires.

When I was still in kindergarten, I watched this late 80s German kids show: "The little Vampire". It is about this boy Anton, who befriends a vampire kid named Rüdiger (if you read my CV Styria stuff, yes, that is where Rüdiger got his name). And frankly, no, I cannot explain why I could look at pretty much everything else at the time and hide under my blanket, but I saw vampries and was like: "AWESOME!"

But yeah, back in the day I absolutely adored this show - and then basically went on to get my hands on as much vampire media as I was capable.

Most notable back then was probably the Musical Tanz der Vampire (Dance of the Vampires, based on Roman Polanski's "The Fearless Vampire Hunters" movie). Mind you, when that musical got started on German stages me and some of my friends were always raging, because we were basically shipping Alfred/Herbert and Sarah/von Krolock. Though back then I did not yet know fanfics were a thing you could write.

And of course, when I was like 5th grade (and very much too young for those books) one of the Anne Rice novels ended up in my hands. In the following months I learned a whole lot more about gayness than my very Catholic mother would have liked. *coughs*

At this time I also really got into anime/manga, which obviously involved quite a lot of other vampire media. Hellsing was a thing back then, but also my beloved Vampire Princess Miyu. Gods, I still love that manga to bits.

When I was around 13 or 14, the Urban Fantasy media came over to Germany as well - including a whole lot of vampires, of course.

And yes, when Twilight originally came out, I actually really enjoyed it. I mean, I have even today probably a more complicated opinion on Twilight than most (because I actually think there is some stuff in there that really, really works well).

And I adored Buffy, when it came out. (Less so today.)

Ironically, the only thing that I never got into - maybe because it came a bit too late for me - was Vampire Diaries.

But yeah. Vampires to me are very interesting. Because even while they were creatures associated with horror, to me they never really read as "horror". Mostly, because a lot of the vampire I enjoyed very much centered the viewpoint of the vampires in some regard. And vampires in those pieces of media were so often the "misunderstood souls" in some regards.

Now mind you, as a kid I really hated on Louis in Anne Rice's stuff, because I was like: "Dude, I wanna be a vampire, and all you do is whine about it?" But my view of Louis shifted a lot when I grew up and started to understand how miserable the life of a vampire would actually be.

A part of me is somewhat sad that there is not a whole lot of media out there, that really goes into vampires as actual monsters. Which is also something I am definitely gonna talk about later this week. While kid me would have probably been afraid of "vampires as monsters" as well - but they are so rare and have been rare for a long while.

But yes. Somehow, when I was a kid, I saw this one kid's show about a boy and his vampire bff, and it basically changed my brain chemistry forever xD

[frostythefrostedfox]

After my most recent rewatching of the Frontiers cutscenes for other purposes (making fun of how bad they are), I have noticed something, something that let me to have a new headcanon

One that y'all will be forced to read right now, whether you like it or not, and the worst part is that I have evidence of what I am saying, kind of, because this isn't a very serious headcanon, this is just shitposting.

When Sonic first comes across Knuckles, this is the face he makes

They talk for like 1 minute, knuckles punches sonic's hand and this is the face he makes

Knuckles replies with this face

Sonic immediately replies with this face

And then right after they have a staring contest doing these faces

When attacked by Sage, sonic dismises knuckle's advise by doing this face

By the end of his story, they stare at each other like this for like a minute before doing something else

And this is what they do literally on the next scene, like the very next one.

So why did I filled this post with many many pics of sus faces by sonic and knuckles?

Well, because they are the base of my headcanon

Sonic and Knuckles are totally fucking, and not even like on the side type of thing, no, these two are fucking fucking, like fuckbuddies but more bros, fuckbros if you will, they don't say anything about it but everyone that is their true adventure companion or spends enough time with them knows, like Tails, but nobody minds, its their thing and it kinda fits them, everything is a competition with these two dorks

But wait, I hear you say (Actually no), what about Rouge, isn't Knuckles dating her? Well yes! And why you act like those two things are mutually exclusive? Rouge knows, actually she knew even before getting on her thing with Knuckles, and she supports it, the bat is by far one of the oldest characters around besides Big and Vanilla, so she has seen a hell of a lot, and besides, for the type of shit she gets up to, this is like entry level, trust me, you don't wanna go there; she thinks its funny to see the lenghts these two are actually willing to go just to one up the other, she even openly comments about it when in the company of either of these two or someone else that knows, because when you know, you know.

That brings me to my next point, the reason why Sonamy has never been canon other than teasing and baiting, it's because Amy doesn't knows, and Sonic knows that she wouldn't get it, she is younger than Sonic, and her whole life has been pretty normal and average, so why any of these things would ever cross her mind? Sonic thinks that hanging out with Amy is cool and all, and he probably thinks she is cute and so on and so on, but its just more than that, she just wouldn't get it, and that's a problem, so that's why Sonic never took things that far or went serious mode with it.

What about Shadow? Not only he knows, he is also included on the shit, what? Are you for real gonna tell me that these two don't become like 90% gayer on the presence of one another, he is also a hot headed mess that won't give an inch to Sonic because not beating him means losing to him, so he also gets down on that zaza. Oh and BTW, Rouge knows of Shad's involvement too, she encourages it actually, like some sort of enabler of kinkyness, which is the type of friend that everyone needs and everyone should have.

I hope that y'all hated this, if you did then that means I did it right, this is why I shouldn't have the freedom to simply post whatever crosses my mind, follow me for more weird and crack headcanons of any and every franchise.

If you didn't hated this, thought it was funny or actually agree, congrats, you're one of the real ones, mostly because you know I'm saying facts right here

I won't be taking questions, and I won't be changing my mind

[tathrin]

I’ve been working on that LotR Zombie AU that I talked about a while ago, and it’s been fun! I’m actually several chapters in, and still enjoying it mightily, so I’ll hopefully start actually posting it soon but.

I keep going back-and-forth on whether or not I want to include this chapter or not. It’s pure exposition scene-setting, and while I enjoyed writing it and it was very helpful initially when I was figuring out the background for it all, it’s mostly exposition that gets covered better in other places now.

And I just can’t find a good place to insert it. I keep moving it around in between other chapters, and every time I’m like “yes, there, it fits there”...until I change my mind and move it again. So I think it might be time to just admit that it doesn’t fit anywhere, and cut it completely.

But before I do that, I figure I might as well share it with all of you:

It started, at least in Mirkwood, when the king came home. He was dead, of course; had been dead for three thousand years at that point. The world had changed so much in the years since his death that he would have barely recognized it—had he been conscious enough to see the lands he walked through. But he wasn't; he was dead.

He was Dead, and the Dead followed after.

Oropher, and Gilthawen, and Rhosslas, and Teithion, and Hebinastor, and all the others who had died with their king in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. It started when the dead came home.

Their bodies should have rotted away to nothing long ago, nothing but the ghosts of dead faces staring up unseeing forever out of the fetid waters. They should have; but the Necromancer who had ruled that dark land, who had clawed his way out of his own grave more than once before, had left a mark on Mordor too deep to be erased even by his own destruction.

He had been a craftsman, after all, that maia once called Sauron and once called Mairon and even, once, named Annatar. He had been a craftsman, and his favorite medium was souls.

Perhaps someone should have worried more about those bodies in the Dead Marshes outside the land of Mordor. Perhaps someone should have worried sooner about the way their faces did not fade from the foul waters, even when their flesh was centuries gone.

Perhaps someone should have remembered that “Necromancer” had been one of the names by which he had been known, too. Perhaps someone should have remembered why.

The bodies in the Dead Marshes had drained to dust and rot centuries ago, leaving nothing but dead echoes rippling in the water. But that water lay outside a Necromancer's lair, in lands that had been long poisoned by his arts. Dead and gone they were, those Men and Dwarves and Elves and Orcs who had died fighting there so long ago; dead and gone and rotting…

But even dead, the echoes of their souls endured. Trapped, corrupted, their spirits rotting from within, they endured. And, eventually, they Rose.

The Risen Dead were no army to be commanded by the Wraiths who held dominion over the ruin of Mordor now. Their unliving corpses were driven only by hunger for life, for flesh.

Many of the Dead eventually followed the smell and sound and flickering lights of a great city to Minas Tirith, and there they fell on the white walls of Gondor's great capital first in a trickle and then as a tide. By the time the city knew to shut its gates, death was already inside the walls. An army of the dead stands there now—frothing and snapping, moaning with mindless hunger—outside the walls they cannot breach, while the few who slipped inside before the gates were shut lurch and spread through the winding tiers of the city so that Minas Tirith rots from within.

Others scattered, wandering off in whatever direction their lifeless eyes turned to in pursuit of any whisper of life that caught their senseless attention enough to draw them onwards. The Dead are everywhere now, found far beyond the reach of the rotting legs of those first corpses, for their infection spreads even faster than they do: it passes silently through air and water, undetected, not strong enough to kill…but inescapable, too. Now those dead who die in Middle-earth by other means Rise as well, and they spread the infection ever onwards in a growing wave of corpses and moans.

But Oropher…Oropher came back to Mirkwood.

Some said it was Dol Guldur looming like a lodestone, drawing the Dead. Others said it was because even in death, the forest still called her old king home.

Whatever the reason, he came, and Death followed with him.

Oropher came home, and the Rising began.

[theglitchmaster]

IT IS DONE

I have FINALLY beaten Ocarina of Time (3D) and I have Thoughts.

I can honestly say that I dislike the game a lot less than I did before.

For context I've tried at least half a dozen times to beat oot throughout my childhood, but could never get farther than the Forest Temple before becoming bored out of my mind, putting the game down, and then just not picking it back up. I've never been able to get attached to any of the characters (Sheik being the exception 🏳️‍⚧️), I wasn't a fan of a lot of the background music or sound effects, the gameplay was pretty clunky, and in general just did not find the game fun (to be fair i did play it mostly on gamecube back then).

The gameplay still feels clunky but since the game is older than me I'll give it a pass there, and the 3ds controls are a hell of a lot better than the gamecube version.

Navi is as annoying as everyone makes her out to be you were right.

The first three dungeons are still a drag, and I think Jabu Jabu's dungeon is my least favorite dungeon of every zelda game I've played so far. Awful thing.

This is one of the few games that has made fishing almost fun.

The Forest Temple was fine, I liked the poe sisters and I thought Phantom Ganon's fight was fun. Stalfos personally own me money fuck those guys.

The Fire Temple was long as hell and I kept getting lost. Volvagia hits like a truck but is otherwise a fun boss.

I know the fandom has ongoing memes about how every water dungeon is confusing and a pain in the ass, especially the oot Water Temple, but it was fine? I didn't get lost and most of the puzzles were fine. I got more pissed off at the Ice Caverns than I did the Water Temple. I loved the eerie vibe of the illusion room and the Dark Link fight was easy but fun. Morpha was annoying but not too bad.

Bottom of the Well was very cool and spooky, I can see how this would have traumatized children, and probably would have traumatized me if I had ever gotten that far as a kid.

Shadow Temple was cool. Big surprise that there was two Dead Hands. Very freaky torture chamber. Bongo Bongo was a bitchass mother fucker. Yes he looks cool but was not a good fight. It was easier to kill him by chasing him down with my sword than it was to try and shoot him with the bow.

I think in general I don't like playing as kid Link in oot but I thought how they mixed both kid and adult requirements into the dungeon was clever. The darknuts/Iron Knuckles also owe me money fuck them as well but less than the stalfos. Also fuck floor/wallmasters. The Iron Knuckle Nabooru reveal was pretty cool though.

I did find how Ganon's Castle requires you to solve puzzles themed after each sage to be pretty clever and cool in theory, unfortunately I did not find it all that fun. I did have to leave at one point to get Fire Arrows because I could not continue without them. (This one is completely on me, I have a terrible ability when playing a zelda game for the first time to somehow completely miss important things and unknowingly make the game harder for myself. Examples including: first time playing tp and only learning 2 skills from the Golden wolf and no others, how I ever beat darknuts without a backslash ill never remember; somehow playing through all of albw and never once coming across any sword or armor upgrades. That yuga fight was hell. So obviously any extra difficulty i experienced in oot for not having everything is def my fault) Ganondorf's first fight was a pain in the ass, it wasn't hard I just kept falling and he wouldn't stay down long enough for me to get more than one hit in at a time. Not a fan of the no floors. Ganon's pig form is cool in this one, I like his design. This fight was actually fun, not hard by any means but cool.

Still not a fan of a lot of minor sound effects, most of the music was nice. Everyone is a lot less ugly (and triangular) in the 3ds version, can't say I'm gay for this Ganondorf though. Still didn't get attached to many characters. Sheik is still my beloved but most of his Cool Character points go into 1.Mysterious and 2.Transmasc coded as fuck. I like Impa. I would still personally throw hands with Mido. I really like the zoras' design in general but Ruto is as annoying as I remembered. Nabooru is cool. Malon and Saria are okay.

I think if I was older and this had been my first loz game I would have liked it a lot more for Nostalgia Points alone (or I never would have gotten into zelda idk), but as one i grew up with later it was okay. I don't hate it, but its definitely still one of my least favorite 3d titles, and there were times when I played it where I actually missed playing Skyward Sword and its dogshit motion controls. If I were to have tried to beat my gamecube copy I think it would have been a repeat situation of picking it up, putting it down, and then never beating it; and I don't see myself replaying it from the beginning unless I were to do it for a youtube channel or a twitch stream or something.

Ocarina of Time was aight butman do I wanna go replay Twilight Princess. Ganon sorry I killed your moms.

[anchanted-one]

Alliance Commander Ask Game

I saw this interesting post by @consularmain , and thought I'd do it too!

1. Who’s your Alliance Commander? What class are they? Alignment? Random other facts you wanna share?

That would be Vajra Devarath, Jedi Knight. He's mostly Light-Sided, but gets very attached to people. During his 'funeral' after he and the rest of Braga's strike team went MIA, my Consular thought he was a bad Jedi, but a really great person.

His story deviates greatly from the game, but I'll be referring to that rather than the game. I'm currently writing it on AO3, but I'm on Shadow of Revan, at the moment. I'm a long way from writing about his Commander days.

2. What’s a reason or two you like that this character is your Commander?

Vajra is decisive and clearheaded. He doesn't always know what's best, but on these occasions, he's very quick to ask Lana, Theron, Koth, Jorgan, Beywan, Scourge, Kira, or anyone else for their opinions. And choosing the one he things is the best one.

He has a good reputation in the galaxy. Most ordinary people see him as the ultimate white knight errant; honest (more than he actually is), self-sacrificing, and a winner. The Sith and both sides' High Command (including Acina) acknowledge his strength. The Jedi acknowledge his commitment to the galaxy, and perhaps even the Force. I should say, Vajra didn't ask for this, his legend just grew on its own thanks to him getting a lot of spotlight missions.

3. What’s a reason or two you don’t like about them being Commander?

Vajra was permanently affected by the carbonite. It's a source of chronic pain for him, to the point of knocking him out when he least expects it. He does cope somewhat after accepting both Sides of the Force thanks to Satele and Marr, but fifteen years after his return, he's got quite the litany of health problems.

He also has an old problem with mental health. He does deal with it on Rishi, thanks to Lana, but killing or losing allies can hit him hard.

4. Why did this character of all your OCs become Commander?

I've always been partial to the Knight-Errants, and the Jedi Knight felt like the natural anti-Emperor crusader. I thought that once they kill the Emperor in chapter 3, they're already the strongest boss in the galaxy, with few able to stand against them. In addition, Kotfe-et always felt like a Force-user storyline to me. It doesn't translate well for the others. I mean, Smuggler and Bounty Hunter are basically criminals, and Cipher Nine is a spy, not a poster model. And there are the fights against Arcann and Vaylin too...

5. Who did they side with? Did they stay loyal or go saboteur? Or maybe you headcanon they defect properly?

By the time of the Iokath conflict, my universe is far divorced from SWTOR storyline. In fact, the reverse happened. With the Fleet and the Gravestone under his command, Vajra attempts to put an end to fighting. He more or less strongarms both sides into going along with it. Acina and Chancellor Rans are the ones who have to choose, and they choose 'surrender.'

6. Are there any NPC’s from the class stories you’d like to see/HC join the Alliance? Ex: Master Timmns, Ardun Kothe, Watcher One, etc.

The following are part of my Alliance: Shara Jenn (remote worker), Watcher One (secretly), Praven, Bengel, and a bunch of others.

7. How’s your OC feeling about the current Malgus situation?

Doesn't happen. Vajra has the habit of decapitating enemies. Malgus was killed on Ilum, and there was nothing could be salvaged from the station's self-destruct.

On a meta level, I hate enemies that won't stay dead. It's lazy writing, and they already had Malora. They could've brought back Jadus, if they wanted nostalgia-bait, the community would've rejoiced. (You either die as a respected adversary, or live to become more nuisance than terror)

8. Are any of your other OC’s part of the Alliance? If yes what do they do for the Alliance? Do they get along with your Commander?

Most notably, Jasme Shan, Theron's twin sister. But she's not one of the starting classes. She's an Archivist first, combatant second. She's also Vajra's best friend.

Technically, Cipher Nine is a founding member, but only Vajra, Lana, Shara Jenn, and Watcher One know about it. Lana lets Theron and Jasme in on the secret at some point, but I don't know when.

Seraphim Abbot, who's a Jedi pilot and Kira's husband, also joins when she does (earlier, in my story).

Hekaten (Sith Inquisitor) joins the Alliance, in a way. They get along okay.

In addition, Roban Queens (Trooper) joins the Alliance early. But he's had a problem with Vajra for over a decade now.

Vajra encountered Commander Tavus on Taris, but didn't apprehend him, since Garza kept his defection secret. Roban hated him for it, somehow expecting the then-fifteen-year-old to somehow know how to tell a traitor. He picked a fight with Vajra, and lost. To add insult to injury, Vajra filed a formal complaint against him and Garza, which led to her losing trust, and getting a temporary demotion. He never forgave Vajra for that.

During the timeskip, Roban worked with Lana, and began to want her. But she wasn't interested, and he blamed Vajra for that (rarely admitting that he himself was the problem).

Oh, and um. Roban and his family are Zakuulan sleeper agents. He hates Arcann for killing them, but he's a Valkorionist through and through. So that's one more reason to hate Vajra.

9. How does your OC feel about Odessen? (Bonus: how do you feel about it)

Vajra loves it. The scenery is perfect, and it's balanced in the Force. In my story, Lana starts developing it as mroe than just a military base. It has cities, farms, industries, and even markets. They build a home on Odessen, and raise their kids there.

Personally, I love it. Only world I love more is Alderaan.

10. How does your Commander feel about being the Commander?

He accepts it. You have to understand though; he takes it to a whole new level. If you've ever heard of the Shogunate in Japan, that's what he becomes. A benign military dictator. He's able to bring peace to the galaxy thanks to this, but he hates how he's going against his teachings to be a dictator. In addition, he would've liked to have retired from fighting and leading. To spend the bulk of his time as a good husband and father.

11. Favorite place in the Alliance base?

The cliffs overlooking the base and valley beyond.

12. Favorite mission in KotFE?

Chapter 3. The escape from Zakuul, and getting rescued by Lana. On a personal note, I like how this mission frames Vaylin as a force of nature. Like the Dahaka from Prince of Persia: Warrior Within. She was a better Vader, back in those days. Then she became a worse Kylo Ren...

13. Favorite mission in KotET?

The final one, though it's very different for Vajra. When he and Hekaten meet face-to-face for the first time, Valkorion realizes that the Sith has a super-strong pull on ghosts. He uses that to escape his 'cage' (Vajra) and transfer over to Hekaten. The final chapter, where you have to piece yourself together, takes place in Hekaten's mind rather than Vajra's. The Inquisitor escapes thanks to Vaylin's interference, and Vajra briefly resumes his role in containing Valkorion before destroying him for good using Tenebrae's original body.

14. Least favorite mission in either? Why?

From meta, the walker missions. In the game, Iokath. I hate everything about that world, but especially the conclusion. After everything SCORPIO did, having her arc resolved with a single choice like that is dumb. Personally, I resent SCORPIO blaming all organics for what only the Cabal did to her. And she's not fighting for droid rights; she has no problem treating HK-55 like a tool.

15. Is your Commander successful because they’re skilled? Or are they perhaps just really lucky?

Skill more than luck, but I can't stress on how important his friends/council are to his success.

16. From our OC’s point of view, SoR -> KotET wasn’t a fun experience, did they develop any fears as a result?

He was terribly upset by finding out that he lost five whole years. Especially because everyone he knew has changed and grown without him. Most importantly, Lana and Jasme. The latter lost the love of her life (Sith Warrior, Kairegane Rooks) and nearly gave up. He wished he'd been there for her, as she'd been for him.

He's also aware of just how hard his absence was for Lana, with whom he shares a powerful Force-Bond. It was almost dead for five years, which caused her no end of grief.

It doesn't help how he realizes that they've had five years of growth taken away from them, including the family they wished to start together.

And then there's Kira, who had a son while he was frozen.

As a result, he's very afraid of losing time. He's always in a hurry to get the work out of the way, so he can do what's really important to him--spending time with his loved ones. He's loath to let them out of his sight, like he's owrried they'll slip through some crack and vanish the moment he has his back turned. This also makes him very angry with Arcann, though he manages to put his feelings aside.

17. AU time! If your Commander wasn’t Commander, which of your other OCs would have likely taken their place?

Probably no one. Kairegane Rooks, the Wrath, was terminally ill. For her to survive, she'd have to not have a congenital disease. Hekaten is taken prisoner by the Eternal Empire, and Lana and Theron don't trust Roban due to his affiliation to Zakuul (in addition to his general creepy behavior). He proves them right by abandoning the Alliance when Valkorion takes over Hekaten. Smuggler and Bounty Hunter are far too removed from galactic politics to care. I suppose someone would've risen up, but it would've been a dark and bloody universe that ended up in an even worse place than where we are now.

18. Who’s someone your Commander hopes they never have to deal with again?

The Emperor, and Roban. That second guy especially. Creeped on his wife (Lana, whom he married way back during SOR), and joined Valkorion. He even had the temerity to pretend that Force Users have bad inner eyes, rather than accept that maybe Valkorion really was the Sith Emperor.

19. Does your Commander hold on to/still use any titles they earned before KotET?

He doesn't, but he finds them thrown his way very often. Some of the titles he has, which aren't in-game titles:

General, Jedi Marshal, and Crown Reaper (or just Reaper).

20. Share something, anything at all, you want about your Commander that you’ve not really gotten the chance to share before but really want to.

Honestly, I've either already written it, or will be writing when I get there in the story.

In the beginning, I intended for each of my OCs to correspond to a deadly sin:

Vajra: Pride (in his swordsmanship) Kairegane: Lust (thrill seeker) Roban: Envy Hekaten: Greed Mark Fordorn (Bounty Hunter): Wrath (He's an escaped Power Guard) Juun Stede (Smuggler): Gluttony Devel Nirol (Consular): Sloth.

But I did a poor job of keeping to it in most cases, so the 'sins' are a shadow of what they might have been, with the exception of Mark, who's still a very angry man.

[crusherthedoctor]

A positive ask: your top 5 Sonic stories? :)

In chronological order:

Sonic CD: This might be cheating since the actual plot is just "Eggman's kidnapping animals again but this time he also turned a planet into a Chain Chomp", but I love, love, love the visual storytelling at work here. Sonic was always more thoughtful and grounded than most when it came to the green aesop (including that one cartoon that claimed to be a Sonic cartoon but wasn't), and CD is the pinnacle of why. Seeing all the different ways the pasts and futures compare is always a joy, and it drives home how serious Eggman's threat really is to any world.

Sonic 3 & Knuckles: In no small part due to the level cutscenes and big set pieces, this game makes the journey feel like an epic quest. And while other games may highlight aspects of his character better (Forces highlighting his cleverness for just one example), I feel that this game is arguably the best overall use of Eggman, showing how he operates as a villain, and showing how dedicated he is to repairing the Death Egg no matter what it takes. The endgame is one of the best in the series, and a Super Sonic finale actually felt exciting rather than played out.

Sonic Adventure 1: I have my issues with it, and not just the obvious one, but I would say it's one of the 3D plots that holds up the best. Chaos is still the top-tier giant monster thanks to how he's built up and how he has more to him other than "he's a monster, fight it", Eggman has a great showing until That One Moment, I appreciate Tails' arc and Gamma's story - even if the latter is kind of irrelevant to most of the overarching stuff, which is one of my aforementioned issues - and I like how it focused on one aspect of previous lore (Angel Island) and expanded upon it in a way that felt natural, which is much better than haphazardly trying to connect absolutely every bit of lore and making the world feel smaller like what Flynn tends to do. Out of all the monster-themed stories in the games, the original reigns supreme.

Sonic Colours: Yeah yeah, I know Sonic said that one line that everyone hates and ironically loves to repeat more times than Sonic himself actually said it, but no matter your stance on the writing for everyone not named Eggman, the intergalactic theme park concept is just inherently fun, and the game really gets its mileage out of it with all the different attractions and announcements from the rotund one. Not to mention, using such a flashy setup as a ploy to convert innocent aliens into rabid beasts is quintessentially Eggman, since it would be his benefit to screw others over while having childlike fun at the same time. Like SA1, there are some details I would change, but overall I really do get a kick out of it.

Sonic Forces: The most controversial choice, I'm sure. Yes, this is mostly based on What Could Have Been, but unlike the majority of unironic '06 fans, I can actually acknowledge that; the setup of Eggman finally conquering the planet is just too good to pass up. And besides, however flawed in execution it may admittedly be, I still think it had a lot of good moments. Eggman still got to show a whole lot of underhanded deviousness, and other characters ended up well too, like Shadow. And I still like Infinite in all his edgy glory, because no matter how tryhard he is, he somehow still feels less so than Scourge or Surge.

Other game plots/concepts I like: - Eggman dumping Sonic on an island purely to murder his ass in over-the-top ways in SEGA Sonic Arcade. Simple yet brutal, I love it. - While I may not care for Heroes' plot as it is, the idea of a robot copying Chaos' data entices me. With Eggman's unused SA2 line about him vowing to conquer the world with his own power, him using said data to create his own Perfect Chaos (metaphorically, not literally) would be a great way to expand on that. - Battle is a little overly talky in its structure for my liking, and certain characters were unflattering (*coughAmycough*), but building up Emerl and his friendship with the group, only to then be forced to put a bullet in him when he goes apeshit, is what I call a power move. They played it really well… minus the obligatory upstaging of Eggman. - Solaris had the most potential out of all the post-Chaos monsters, and it could have worked as a deliberate contrast to Chaos. Iblis and Mephiles, on the other hand, can fuck right off. - Erazor and his relationship with Shahra, and how Sonic ultimately deals with him. - Robot pirates in Rush Adventure. Cause robot pirates are fun. - Eggman attempting a sort-of corporate takeover in Zero Gravity.

- Sonic being willing to do the right thing even if he's demonized for it in Black Knight. - Eggman successfully controlling the Time Eater in Generations. - Eggman clawing his way back to his rightful status in Lost World. - Giant robot that felt more like a worthy titan than the actual Titans in Mania. - Team Sonic Racing having a mysterious shady newcomer organize a tournament, and it turns out they DON'T have malicious motives for it… I dunno, there's something wholesome about it. Maybe it's because Big got to be right about something. :>

Non-game plots/concepts I like: - Eggman faking a "New Villain usurped me, you gotta stop him uwu" narrative in order to lure Sonic into a trap in the OVA. - The Helen episode of Sonic X. <3 - Eggman becoming a Super Eggman in the second movie, and in a way that's tailor-made for his characteristics at that. - Eggman creating a bio-mechanical virus with a devoted simp at his side SHOULD HAVE WENT DOWN A LOT BETTER THAN IT DID GRRRRRRRR

I know most of these revolve around Eggman, but I never claimed to not be a fanboy. :P And being the Bowser to Sonic's Mario, 90% of all Sonic plots start from his machinations, so it'd be hard to ignore him anyway.

[piracytheorist]

Get to Know Me

There are various things about me that I mention vaguely in ranting posts, that I know some of my followers don’t know. So I’m writing some stuff here, for people who want to know me better! 😉

I’m PiracyTheorist, for personal reasons I don’t share my real name or selfies publicly here. You can call me Nette.

Current fandoms circulating around here:

- Spy x Family (CURRENT OBSESSION) (I’m up to date with the anime but I don’t read the manga, so please no manga spoilers) (tags are "Spy x Family" and occasionally "sxf")

- Colin O’Donoghue (sporadic but massive posting whenever he graces us with new content)

- Resident Evil Village (there will be horror and graphic content, as well as spoilers for the game and its DLC Shadows of Rose) (tag will mostly be “Resident Evil” and/or “re talk”)

- Digimon Adventure (20 years after watching it as a kid I went back to it and what do you know I still love everything about my very first blorbo, Yamato Ishida, so I’m going off about it here as well) (tag is “Digimon”)

- Occasionally, other random stuff I'm into.

Personal stuff:

I’m in my late 20s, I was born in a small town in Greece. I lived on an island for six years, where I studied music teaching. I now work as a music educator in a public middle and high school.

I support all genders and sexualities and ways people choose to live their own lives.

I’m a white cis woman, an asexual, I’m probably also aromantic but I’m not sure. Due to not being interested in romantic/sexual relationships however, I don’t spend a lot of time wondering about that. I just go with the flow.

I am a certified cat person™. I have one of my own (though she lives in my parents’ house and I only see her when I visit):

I was born with a cardiomyopathy. I’m on mild medication (by which I mean no side effects and no problems if I miss one dose) and I have some standard medical tests once or twice a year. I cannot do heavy exercise or push any limits (which, due to not being able to exercise my whole life, are low considering my young age). I am able to be independent though I'm eligible for some disability benefits. And yes, that means I’m in a high-risk group for any disease, not just covid or the flu.

I find dogs cute as well, but I prefer cats for myself.

I don’t want to have children. I like working with them as a music educator, but I don’t think I’d ever have the patience to actually be a good parent for life. Plus I have a ton of crappy genes, first and foremost of my own disease, so why spread them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I attend therapy sessions. Sometimes I talk here about my sessions, or about things I want to say in them. I tag those posts as “nette therapy” so you can filter that if you want.

I love travelling. Thanks to being a part of several choirs while studying, I’ve visited various places in Europe, and I hope to be able to visit more.

I try to tag everything, including triggers, so if there’s something you need me to tag (within reason, don’t bring fandom drama into my inbox please), don’t hesitate to ask me. I shitpost from time to time, so prepare for some silliness here and there.

I enjoy whump, that is, seeing fictional characters (mostly male - for me mostly ones played by the aforementioned Colin O’Donoghue) in pain or any kind of peril. I tag everything about that as “whump”. I understand triggers and squicks so tagged or not, if that makes you in any way uncomfortable, you can unfollow me. I appreciate people following my blog but I rarely if ever check my followers list.

Sometimes I write fanfics, though my main contributions to fandoms are gifsets and silly memes, occasionally. Killian Jones from the TV show Once Upon a Time is my biggest love, so content about him may appear here sometimes. My fanfics can be found on Tumblr [link] or on AO3 [link]. My gifsets can be found here [link].

I do not tolerate hate that’s aimed at innocent people - and that goes from hate for race, gender, sexuality etc. to hate for what fictional character each other likes. If what the other person is doing is in no negative way affecting someone else, I will not tolerate hate on my blog about them. I used be a person who judged others for what fictional characters/ships they liked, and I know now how miserable I was to act that way, and I’m trying to move on and become better.

That’s it for now :D Welcome to my blog!

[cursedcomics]

Dream Job Writing the Legion of Super Heroes pt 8

A lot of comic writers don’t seem to appreciate that 1000 years is a long, long, long, long time.

If we had a time machine today, almost none of us would consider traveling back to the 11th century to be a smart idea.  What exactly seems fun about the 11th century?  Who would you want to meet from back then?  I think likewise travelling from the 31st century to the 21st would be an equally unappealing thought in the future.

(So why do the founders recruit Superboy?  Buy the book and find out... :) ).

To my view, there should be rules to including 21st century elements.

Any connections to the 21th century in the Legion should be traceable directly to Superboy, Supergirl, or Mon-El.

DC has kind of bought in to the idea that earth will fall into ruin several times before the LOSH takes over.   I am going to run with that and use that to pull random elements of the DCU into the future, but I think usage of specific 21st century characters in the actual Legion title should be very, very limited. 

The Legion brand is diluted if they have too much of any prior super hero team elements. Kal El and Kara Zor-El is enough.

There should not be a Lantern of any sort in the Legion.  I think Levitz’ original thought that the Guardians and the Green Lantern Corps are all long dead was smart in that it made the Legion both the JLA and the GLC in the 31st century.

There should not be a connection between the Ranzzes and Black Lightning.

Batman should never be a member. He is a dude who throws boomerangs.

Information about earth prior to maybe 2700 should be very, very sketchy for sensible reasons.  Things that we have “evolved” to consider distasteful today might be considered weirdly culturally taboo in an inexplicit way in the future.

Archeology may be considered a much more extreme version of graverobbing in the 31st century.  And society may have been steered there for a reason.

I didn’t like Abnett and Lanning digging up Ra’s Al Ghul as a Legion villain mostly because I don’t love the character, but whatever, he is an immortal playing the long game. 

Any immortal villain has won the long game several times over by time the Legion shows. They have let time defang their enemies and reduce them to dust.

I think a guy like that is fair game for the Legion.

It makes sense that someone like him or maybe Vandal Savage --- an immortal who has lived to learn the lesson of media manipulation we are seeing today --- might want to take advantage of society ending events specifically to wipe out all records of human history so no one else will retain the knowledge of how to stra manipulate society via media.

Or use old weapon technology. 

To that end, I might just make Vandal Savage a highly respected member of the Earthgov senate, just casually hanging out manipulating other senators and events and never getting caught... 

Doesn’t sound like Vandal Savage?  Well... A 1000 years is a long time and DC’s millennium sounds extremely rough.

“Well, he’s been the same guy for well over 1000 years!”...Yes, but he hadn’t lived through a nuclear war and the years afterwards.  I would argue that’s probably a personality changing experience. 

What about after that?  Being in a world with Ape Men, Tiger Men, & Lion Men, Vandal’s overwhelming strength would not be as overwhelming.  Maybe that would be exciting for a while, but animal men are probably a lot more savage than humans.  There were probably moments where Vandal had traumatic near death experiences.  

Vandal is not like Ra’s Al Ghul.  Vandal would be inclined to try to conquer the animal men. Ra’s would work the shadows.

The Animal men would come after Vandal where they wouldn’t come after Ra’s.

There were probably moments where the animal men wiped out all of Vandal’s help in an effort to starve him out. Vandal is not a farmer.  If you kill every animal within 100 miles, you might be able to starve out Vandal.  Animals might actually break him where humans might not try the same things.  And who might save him, but Ra’s?

What would Vandal finally learn from that.  Patience.

I think Vandal could be entirely different in the 31st century.

“MightyGodKing”  mentioned a couple of elements about which we are on the same page --- if society has burned to the ground several times over 1) there would be caches of buried weapons made with long forgotten technology and 2) that the DCU has Gorilla city --- where are the Gorillas in the future?

I think both are exceptional points that fit in this discussion. We’ll discuss DC’s lost weapons caches here and the Gorillas in the next section.

If you were Vandal Savage and Ra’s Al Ghul, you alone would know the locations of those secret caches and you would steer society in a direction not to look for those caches.

It’s a very interesting perspective to take on the 31st century.  

How much of Earthgov’s hard line stance against the Tornado Twins and super powered vigilantism originates at the office desk of Senator Savage? 

How much of Earth Government’s positions --- which irk the liberal minded R.J. Brande to no end --- come from immortals subtly steering the government?  

Why is the Earthgov’s controversial excavation permit on a site near the ancient ruins of Gotham City destined to cause a mess for the Legion?

[phoenixyfriend]

Fake Sith TCW Trio

I have another fucked up time-travel AU! Who’s surprised? (Nobody.)

So like. Have you guys read that one fic where Luke and his students go back in time and pretend to be Sith Lords and are super hammy about it? (Sith Lord Swell by AMournfulHowlInTheNight)

This AU has contributions by @atagotiak, @the-lunar-system, @purronronner, @gelpenss, @creepingthroughthistidalwave, and @thisarenotarealblog.

I want TCW trio (plus Rex and Cody) to go back to several years pre-TPM and, since the Council DEFINITELY won't believe them about the Sith being back... they'll force the issue.

Anakin is weirdly excited about things and building up their backstory.

Anakin: Okay so I can definitely be a Maul type, with the unhinged ranting and manic laughter, Obi-Wan can be the whole Refined Rich Guy type like Dooku, where you can't even tell he's evil until he starts talking about getting out the eyeball scoops, maybe toss in a bit of mad science stuff? Ahsoka could play up like Ventress OR, oh oh, she can be the Light Side Child we need to PROTECT who's publicly begging us to return to the Light after our big dramatic Falls where we murdered like eighty people to save her, and-- Obi-Wan: Why are you never this enthusiastic about actual undercover missions. Ahsoka: Did you just have all this ready to go, or...? Anakin: WE COULD GET YELLOW CONTACT LENSES FOR ME.

Obi-Wan: How's my evil laugh?

Anakin going “Okay.. so if any of us need to murder someone to sell the bit it should be me, I think I could handle it the best. Why? No reason.”

Obi-Wan: I'm not sure a complete Fall could come from protecting Ahsoka, really-- Anakin: No, no, it could.

Obi-Wan: Surely you’d hold back because you realize neither of us want that for you. Anakin: Uh. Sure. Definitely.

Obi-Wan points out that none of them can channel the dark side to Prove they're Sith and Anakin just goes "Okay, give me like two seconds to stew in my negativity and--right, you can stop staring in horror, please."

Anakin rambles on that they can TOTALLY make the galaxy a better place while playing at being Sith! He's got a whole LIST of slave empires to "take over" and disassemble!

Anakin has a whole excited spiel about how EVIL soldiers and assistants are minions, in this case partly because Cody and Rex are too good at what they do to be mooks. Cody could pull off evil minion very well. Facial scar? Looks good in black? Quietly competent and sarcastic?

He also pushes for Obi-Wan to lounge in a fancy throne with a glass of wine while Anakin stalks the shadows and Ahsoka hangs out on the window ledge. The disaster lineage is dramatic, okay, Anakin’s just leaning into it, he’d appreciate it if everyone stopped looking at him like that.

Qui-Gon, surprisingly, ends up a skeptic about all of this. Everyone is freaking out about the Sith and he’s like “y’know I’m not even sure they’re darksiders.”

Some Jedi, possibly Qui-Gon for his conspiracy board, gets in a real risky situation and one of the Fake Sith saves them, but also panics and kinda drops character for a bit.

Jedi: You saved me! Why’d you do that? Anakin: I uh... just wanted the pleasure of killing you myself?

"You saved me. Why?" "Mmmm. Jedi." [walks away]

Qui-Gon: [trying to figure out what is up with these people semi-competently (from his perspective) pretending to be Sith] Dooku: [trying to protect Qui-Gon from Sith influence]

The gang is the most successful at pretending to be Sith to Dooku. Sure, they’re not gonna punish him for something he hasn’t done, but it’s not hard to act menacing and angry around him.

(They really do have so much fun irritating the heck out of Dooku. He hasn’t Fallen yet, but they want to keep an eye out.)

At some point, future Obi-Wan definitely drops that little tidbit of "What, you didn't think the Banites were the only Sith running around did you? You... didn't even know about the Banites. How... disappointing."

They REGULARLY use Ahsoka as an excuse to be marginally less terrible. They claim that if Ahsoka pouts, they stop. ‘Soka also uses them as an excuse for why she’s a lil feral. (To be fair, that one is accurate. She was already a lil feral before but it’s not like they did anything to stop it.) Ahsoka gets her "breaking into people's offices" jollies by bugging Nute Gunray's office.

The Jedi keep trying to Rescue Ahsoka.

Rex and Cody end up in real beskar, there's a whole Thing with Mandalore and Jango and Satine.

Obi-Wan is CONSISTENTLY worried about Anakin Falling for real, which... hey, at least he knows to be worried about Anakin Falling. Step up from canon, really.

Anakin is WAY too into killing the Hutts but like. It does... technically sell the bit.

Obi-Wan: Sure, I’m not sad that they’re dead, especially because we’re not connected to the Republic, so we don’t need to worry about starting a war and all that. But. Anakin is disturbingly cheerful about this. Rex: Wasn't he a Hutt slave? Obi-Wan: Well yes, but-- Rex: I'd kill Nala Se if I could get away with it.

Cody and Rex are very supportive of Anakin's murderous intentions.

Obi-Wan does understand anger, even killing someone in anger. Like Maul (the first time at least) and D’nar and a few others. All the same, like... y’know. The level of bloodthirst from the others is a little off-putting.

At one point, Anakin accidentally addresses young Obi-Wan by name, despite never having met before, and to cover it up, he... panic-flirts. He panics, and so he flirts, with young Obi-Wan.

(He will later blame this on old Obi-Wan, because he had to pick up the habit of flirting with the enemy from somewhere.)

Anakin vaguely implies that he's a wee bit obsessed with young Obi, and that the padawan should "get used to being the target of a dark-sider's interests," because he’s scrambling for Ominous Shit and, well, future Obi-Wan was pretty frequently a fixation point for darksiders, right?

The second he gets out, he just starts screaming into a bucket while Rex pats him on the back.

For the next however many terrible months, possibly years, he has to keep up the act while having an ongoing meltdown about how That's My Dad As A Twenty-Something.

(It doesn't help that young Obi-Wan reflexively flirted back.)

Old Obi-Wan, meanwhile, is just very "you dug this hole yourself, padawan."

There is an argument at the beginning about Obi-Wan’s outfit. If he’s gonna be a Sith, he can’t just go around in beige, but he’s like “I like this and it’s comfy.” Sure, he’s changed clothes for undercover stuff, but that’s always been temporary, y’know? He likes his beige.

We have a number of options.

My first instinct? Beige linen three piece suit, like a southern lawyer. "Now I may just be a simple Outer Rim force adept--"

And, of course, you can TOTALLY make the beige sinister: he’s impersonating a Jedi! Jedi impersonation would also explain why nobody has a red saber.

“Sure is good that the Jedi don’t seem to realize most of the galaxy doesn’t know red sabers are different and bad.” “Shhhh, stop poking holes in our story where a Jedi might overhear.”

Like.... if you do enough doublethink, it works! How would a Sith hide? In plain sight. Also, it’s a GREAT way (if they were actually assholes) to try to slander the Jedi name.

(Anakin and Ahsoka still think he could stand to put a little more effort in. Add a splash of color, for pity's sake!)

Though tbh part of me is like “What if Old Obi wore, like... a split skirt suit...” Victorian womenswear inspired because he misses his robes, but he has to look Professional, and like he's MOCKING Jedi instead of BEING one, so he wears a vintage-y split skirt thing over his leggings. Ends up looking a lot like what Ventress had for a while, but Beige. I also keep wanting to put him regency menswear.

Anyway. Obi-Wan’s wardrobe aside...

Anakin builds up his Tatoo accent again. It helps him with the (mostly true) "slavery helped me fall" backstory.

Either Cody or Rex offhandedly mentions being made to serve them (the Fake Sith) and now the Jedi are somewhat concerned about brainwashing. Are these Mandos the victims here?

“No like. Literally made for this. In a lab.” This is even more horrifying. So...

On the one hand good! The Jedi should be scared about Sith! On the other hand... it makes the Jedi more determined to stop them, specifically. They keep on getting in the way, just, all the time, and they’re not investigating the actual Sith problem, which is decidedly not great since the Team doesn’t actually know who’s a real Sith right now, except Maul, and who even knows where that guy is.

Obi-Wan, at some point: Do you think we've succeeded at this ruse... a little TOO well? Anakin: I don't follow. Obi-Wan, gesturing at the truly obnoxious amount of wealth they've collected, including "trophies" of their kills: Really? Because I'm a little worried! Anakin, planning out a battle to take on Nar Shadda: ...I'm not.

"How many people do we realistically we need to take over Hutt Space? Apparently... five."

(Mostly because Anakin is ridiculously op.)

ANAKIN AND YOUNG OBI GET KIDNAPPED BY PIRATES TOGETHER. It's tradition.

Anakin: Okay, so, I need to get really angry about something to pass as a Sith... time to think about my WIFE and how I'll NEVER SEE HER AGAIN.

Since Anakin’s life never goes as planned... this does not work. Instead of getting properly angry, he makes himself sad. There are tears. There is wailing. There’s a distraught rant or two. Young Obi ends up awkwardly trying to comfort him.

“Oh no, this… Sith?? Is crying on me. What do I do???”

Later on, when the Council wants intel: "So... one of the Sith cried on me about his wife. I think she's dead? He wasn't very clear about it but it, uh... it sounded like it might have contributed to his Fall. Also the relationship was a little unhealthy? He basically worshiped the ground she walked on and kept ranting about how he would have given her the galaxy on a platinum platter of she'd only asked, but that might be new and inspired by the Dark."

One of the random Jedi is REALLY good at detecting the truth Through The Force, and asks Anakin how he Fell...

Anakin just. Tells the Tuskens story.

They don't get pinged as lying, but oh boy does old Obi have a LOT of questions for Anakin once they're in private.

There are other things happening to help sell the ruse. Some of them are necessary! Some of them are... not.

Obi-Wan: What's the best way to show we're rich and kind of evil, but like... classy about it? Anakin, immediately: I sit on the floor next to the throne, leaning against it, and you call me pet names while stroking my hair, and then when you need something killed I get to do it for you and then I go back to the floor and you thank me for the directed violence, and then you go back to Negotiations with criminals while I’m sitting there covered in blood. Obi-Wan: ...is there something you want to TELL us, or...?

"You're all going to get a glimpse of something normally kept hidden about me." "Anakin, you don't have to do that." "No, I'm gonna."

(Anakin has decided hes going to peel his kink tomato to sell this ruse, and the others are slightly uncomfortable with that.)

Anakin: Okay, I cannot keep flirting with you. Young Obi: Wait, what? But that's the best part of any time we run into you! Anakin: You look WAY too much like my Master did when I met him. Obi: O...kay? If someone looked like my master when HE was young, I'd-- Anakin: My Sith Master half-raised me. He's basically my dad. Obi: ... Anakin: What's that look for? Obi: I mean, you spend a lot of time lounging at his feet, and, like, given how much you hate slavery, I... kind of assumed it was a kink thing? Anakin, brightly: Oh no, I just have a LOT of trauma. And neuroses. Snips says they’re neuroses.

Young Obi is a little upset because he was actually getting REALLY into Flirting With The Enemy and was hoping it would go somewhere. He mopes to Qui-Gon about it. Qui-Gon isn't sure whether to be proud about Obi breaking rules, or worried over Obi-Wan falling for a Fake Sith.

(As Tia put it: "You enjoy making young Obi-Wan have a completely unrequited crush on Anakin, don’t you?")

Fortunately, one of those attractive Young Mando boys very kindly helped him tape up his ribs this one time, and has thus caught his eye...

I feel like having Cody date Young Obi would court an entirely different kind of (internet) drama because clone ages, but whatever.

Also please imagine an element of "so I'm dating the genetic identical of my boss... who's dating the man I'm a genetic identical of..."

(It's probably not actually Jangobi but man would that be funny and also stupid.)

Somehow Young Obi figures out that the "Sith Master" is a future him before he realizes that they're not actually dark. In his defense, Anakin was pretty convincing. Especially with the wife rant. It makes HIM more obsessed with Anakin, in a reversal of the implied earlier dynamic, which is all kinds of weird. Less romantic but like. Still weird.

"Future Me Scares Me" with Extra stupid. "Future Me Annoys Me." "Future Me acts like grandmaster Dooku, but more sass." "Future Me raised a really hot evil guy that refuses to bang Present Me." "Future Me might be a Sith, but I'm getting more and more convinced he's just fucking with us all." "Future Me is really rocking that beard, and I can't BELIEVE we figured out a way around the babyface."

"I’m kinda concerned about the whole evil thing, but I’m also glad that I know I’ll stay hot as I get older."

Quinlan approves of the priorities.

Also a lot of interactions with older Obi are very Anakin: [does/says something deeply unhinged] Obi-Wan: So, do you want to…. Talk about that? Maybe? Anakin: What’s there to talk about?? I’m fine, everything’s fine! Anyways how about those plans for tracking down Maul?

Anakin later, like way after the ruse is lifted, just blankly tells everyone that he did Fall, once, and Older Obi made him get therapy about it after the truth came out between the two of them a few months into the Fake Sith thing.

Where'd they find a therapist? I'm sure there's one SOMEWHERE around. Denon and Herdessa are close enough, and they've done enough "your criminal empire now belongs to me" that they can pay well. They make sure to find one that takes confidentiality real seriously.

It's all very "we need some more time to unpack all that."

Therapy helps get Anakin to figure out Sheev’s whole deal. They don't necessarily figure out he’s a Sith from it, but they figure out he’s sketchy and they need to look into that more. Obi-Wan probably already thought he was sketchy, but the whole active gaslighting campaign was a little surprising. They realize that he kinda benefited a lot from a lot of Sith plots and they still probably don’t think he’s a Sith but Obi-Wan is definitely starting to think he’s working with one.

"Okay, we're already bugging Gunray, should we bug Palpatine just to be safe?"

They get away with a lot of slicing because Anakin is a technical genius from twenty years in the future.

The reasons they're so good at Taking Over Hutt Space: 1. They know parts of the future. 2. They have superpowers and FAR less reason to not use them, now that their actions aren't going to reflect on the Republic. 3. They have Cody and Rex, who are two of the greatest military minds in the galaxy, and know EXACTLY how to wage a war that covers a solid third of the galaxy, starting from a position of relative weakness. 4. Anakin's charisma is scary high, and his knowledge of slave culture means they gain a lot of trust from the people they free, and they just... keep acquiring volunteers for the army they didn't plan to have. Obi-Wan doesn't know what to do. He thinks they might have started a cult?

In his defense, Dooku sort of started a cult, and Komari got kidnapped by a cult, brainwashed into joining it properly, and then took it over as head figure of said cult. It's practically tradition!

Comics Vader is the central figure of like three different cults, it was really just inevitable.

Anakin: Aw, don't worry master, it's not a cult, it's a revolution! Ahsoka: They're worshiping him, though. Anakin: ...it's still a revolution! Just... with some misunderstandings.

Also, if they got wind of people trying to keep people from being able to leave and other culty stuff like that, they’d probably put a stop to it pretty damn quick.

Names! Time for names. As per usual, it's easiest to keep track of Obi-Wan's alternate Older Self by just calling him Ben.

Darth Ben.

Ahsoka: You should be Darth Boring. Obi-Wan: I can still make you run laps, you know.

Anakin: The Force is telling me to call myself Darth Vader. Obi-Wan: ...why? Anakin: I dunno, but it sounds cool, I'll run with it.

Someone: Ben has all the answers; we shouldn’t question him, ever. Ben: One time I lost a planet, and a five-year-old found it for me.

More options: Going with the "evil word with the prefix 'in' chopped off" that we get with Sidious and Vader: Darth Surrectus (as in insurrection) Just random Latin words: Darth Temporus (time) Darth Commenticius (fake)

Anyway, back to Nonsense:

Maul goes after young Obi early, because the Fake Sith are really invested in this one random Padawan (Sidious is saying he might be a cousin of the false Sith Master? They do look similar enough) so someone needs to investigate. Naturally, Anakin shows up with some wild screeching to fight Maul, and when someone questions why he got involved it gets very "Kenobi is MINE!" and like. Okay. So.

Anakin means it in a very Sith "to toy with" and "to torture" way, or the ‘my chosen opponent!’ way, just the same kind of Obsession as Maul had with Obi-Wan in the original timeline. Unfortunately, Anakin’s a weird-ass person who flirts with Young Obi against his own better judgement, so there's some awkward "Like... your boyfriend?" from young Obi. Anakin just screeches in SOME emotion that nobody wants to interpret, and couldn't even if they wanted to, and starts whacking away at Maul again.

(Anakin hasn't explained the "you look exactly like my dad, sorry, it's just too weird" thing yet, and he is HAVING MANY REGRETS.)

There's definitely at least one instance where a person asks Anakin if he's planning on dating That One Jedi Twink, or at least banging out the tension. At that point in time, Anakin doesn't actually know who the fuck they're talking about, because "Obi-Wan + Twink = Does Not Compute" for dear, dense Ani, and instead he just ends up ranting about how he is LOYAL TO THE MEMORY OF HIS LATE WIFE, how DARE anyone so much as INSINUATE that he would TARNISH HER PERFECT MEMORY and UNWAVERING KINDNESS and WHOLESOME BEING, and the person who asked doesn't end up lightsabered but they do end up with a LOT to tell whoever they're reporting to.

Young Obi-Wan definitely hears Anakin mutter the phrase “something to discuss with my therapist later” a few times, and he’s a little bewildered because darksiders definitely don’t seem like the type of people to go to therapy. They’re the type of people to need therapy, sure, but not the type to go to therapy.

I think it would be very fun for Young Obi to continue sighing over Anakin (who's pretending to be fine with it and even flirting back because he's in too deep to stop and hasn't worked up the courage to explain the elephant in the room) while Anakin is covered in grease and infodumping while having a slightly manic hyperfocus on engine repairs while the two of them Somehow got stranded together in the middle of bumfuck nowhere (it's Plagueis's doing, he finds the interactions between THESE two in particular to be the most informative regarding the fake Sith).

Anakin, at some point while stranded with young Obi-Wan, and having actually started unpacking some stuff in therapy, though he’s def still got a ways to go: I’m pretty sure Ben cares about me. He acts like he cares, like he’ll do stuff like put extra blankets in my quarters in the spaceship because I get cold real easily or track down those droid parts I need for a project and he always has my back in a fight but y’know it’d be nice to hear him say he loves me once in a while. Especially because we kinda had a rough start and idk I don’t think he wanted me around at first.

And uh. Obi-Wan definitely relates to that a bit too much, y’know?

I want to say that Young Obi ends up mentioning All That to one of the clones or Ahsoka later, because they seem probably invested in Anakin's well-being, even if Ben is, well, a Sith, so Obi-Wan's a little worried the man's affection really is fake, but at least Ahsoka...

(Ironic, given what Anakin's actual eventual Sith would-be-Master was like.)

Young Obi mentions Anakin’s most recent rant to Ahsoka, and she just goes "Wait, is that why Skyguy likes to sit by the throne and get called pet names?" "Uh... I don't... know... but it sounds like all of you have a LOT to unpack there, Miss Apprentice."

Later on: "Master Kenobi, you need to tell Skyguy you love him 'cause apparently he's been having a lot of emotions about you not telling him you care and he's been talking to mini-you about it whenever they get stuck together and--"

Young Obi-Wan is just constantly the "Now we don't have time to unpack all of that" John Mulaney gif. Anakin in particular is a mess, and young Obi-Wan slowly goes from "I want to date that" to "I want to study that" about him.

Obi-Wan gets stuck somewhere with Ben, tries to small talk, gets on the topic of Vader, and spills the drama. He gets an awkward “Thank you for bringing that to my attention.”

It’s followed by a fairly frustrated “I try, but Anakin refuses to communicate his needs to me, and it feels like I’m always falling short.”

At least one member of the group is in therapy, probably all of them, but they’re still using young Obi as a sounding board for all this stuff. On the bright side, this is probably good for impressing the importance of good communication on Obi-Wan.

Good for Obi-Wan! And... whatever Padawan he eventually has.

As for baby Anakin, who is approximately age four, I want to go with "Anakin decides to be his own uncle, and Shmi just rolls with it because fuck it, she’s not a slave anymore, and a Fake Sith is a solid defense against anyone trying to re-enslave them."

[This is a backstory I've had them use before (see here and here).]

Seeing Big Ani and Little Ani in the same space might be what finally pings the "oh shit, that's future me" thing for Obi-Wan... you know, if he’s ever allowed close enough to see Little Ani in the first place.

Little Ani stays with the fake-Sith and is sorta jointly trained by all of them, and young Obi-Wan teaches little 'Soka at the Temple. Ani and 'Soka still end up friends somehow, but it is fairly different.

Every time little Ani addresses Old Obi as "Dad," it's just like ten kinds of awkward. The one time someone tried to explain that Ben wasn't his new dad, Shmi glared them down. She is of the opinion that, all the gods be damned, Ani deserves to refer to the most mature man in his life, who raised another him in another timeline already, as a father.

Ani doesn't NEED a father, Shmi herself is more than enough, but he does deserve to have this if he wants it.

An alternative conclusion to the time travel is uh. So the Mandalorians are genetically identical (give or take a hair gene) and really resemble Jango Fett, though whether anyone notices that is up in the air. Then the three ‘Sith’ (two fake Sith and their morality chain tag-along) have three younger, identical copies show up….

It could be really weird cloning shenanigans. Now, it makes no sense that they’d make clones, and stagger their production like that, and leave them as babies on various planets for Jedi to find. IDK what reasons Obi-Wan would come up with for that, but it’s a fun little detour before he gets to time travel.

There's a really painful moment (for the audience, who know about canon Vader) where someone tries to convince Ahsoka to leave the Sith and she's just like "no way, they'd never hurt me!” Then she clarifies that “someone has to keep them from doing stupid Sith shit whenever they get bored, you know?"

A bunch of Jedi probably think she’s delusional, but the few that have seen her get into trouble that is legitimately too much for her, which isn't often, have then seen Anakin show up like the devil himself to save her, and it's like. Oh. This is why she isn't scared of them hurting her.

We’ve discussed how Anakin does get concerningly in character with the fake Sith thing. However, Anakin and Ahsoka are, just once in a while, surprised by how Ben gets sometimes when playing the bad guy.

After all, he stabbed a dude with a fork and threatened to eat him during his time as Hardeen…

He has the same dramatic streak as all the rest of the lineage. He can be vindictive and creepy and scary as fuck.

HOWEVER:

Obi-Wan: I know I'm supposed to be playing at evil right now, but how do we feel about me making that evil a little... fruity? Ahsoka: Fruity, master? Anakin, who knows where this is going: [buries face in hands] Obi-Wan: You know, the... [limp wrist] Ahsoka: ... Obi-Wan: I mean, I'm already bisexual and well-groomed, I can play it up.

What’s the point of being evil if you can’t be flamboyant?

Anyway, I had to put in a lot of thought for what to do with Rex and Cody, because there's a solid place for them in terms of strategy, but it doesn't do much to give them independent narrative arcs, and 'young Obi-Wan has a crush' isn't much of an arc, you know?

So, basic info first: Cody, Rex, and Anakin all hold the rank of General in this AU because, like... who else is gonna. Ahsoka remains a commander because everyone declares her Baby, and also to keep up the "I'm a morality chain" ruse.

Cody maintains a very stern and unyielding public persona, but the second they're behind closed doors, he's roughhousing with his little brother.

Rex has some fun pretending to be a sadist whenever he and Anakin have to team up, because hamming it up as an evil bastard in front of Jedi is actually really fun... but usually, he's a competent fucking professional.

Because here's the thing: someone has to be.

They both kind of hate the army they've gotten, because these people don't even have proper trigger discipline, let alone any actual discipline.

This army? Tragic. They hate it. Give them the clones.

They have to be drill sergeants for months before they have anything worth sending onto the field.

I think that might be how/when they end up reaching out to Jango. Like, the first inroad is absolutely "we're your clones from the future and you were a Shit Dad so you owe us," but then they actually talk him around into letting the Fake Sith hire him. He brings along all the Mandalorians he can get to answer his calls, and on suggestion from Those Mando Twins, joins the army Ben doesn't even want.

Darth Boring doesn't want an army! Unfortunately, Cody thinks that's stupid as hell, and is overruling Ben so they can actually work on this 'cleaning up the galaxy of slavery' thing with actual resources.

Cody and Rex are super competent, and it shows in their horrified disdain for the state of their troops.

Rex: Fucking natborns. Anyone who isn't in the know: What's a natborn? Rex: [leaves without answering] People: WHAT'S A NATBORN???

(I'm assuming that the word smush is harder to parse in Basic.)

I think young Obi-Wan's new crush on Cody should also be unrequited. Cody's just like... bemused. Very "Okay, then, that sure is an Affection you've decided on."

Cody and Anakin both: Sorry, it’d just be too weird. Obi-Wan: Why would it be too weird? Cody and Anakin: Reasons.

Rex has to deal with the "whyyyyy" from both his brother and his (former?) General.

Young Obi-Wan just likes cute boys that fight good! Is that so wrong???

Ahsoka: So since we're not officially Jedi anymore-- Obi-Wan: We're still Je-- Ahsoka: Can we date? Can I date now? I want to date someone before we go back to the Code. It's a classic life experience for most teenage girls, and I want to Have That Experience before we're back at the Temple. Obi-Wan: You're not... you can date, Ahsoka, that's not actually banned by the Code. I mean, you'd have to keep it casual, but-- Ahsoka: I CAN DATE!!!

(Great priorities, Ahsoka.)

An idea I'm toying with is that one of the clones ends up Legally Engaged to Satine for political reasons, and young Obi-Wan is just like ???? because not only can he not date the hot boys, but one of said hot boys has become Mr. Steal Yo Girl.

Young Obi-Wan is suffering, and Quinlan is the worst friend ever because Quinlan is laughing at him.

There is obviously the question of

"How would Satine ever end up agreeing to that, given what their public personas are like and all that? She puts duty ahead of personal feelings but all indications are that it’s a terrible decision both ways." (as stated by Tia)

Which, yes, I forgot to actually say that I was imagining Jango had declared "those twins" his heirs after telling people they were his younger* cousins. Because reasons.

* Jango is about 27 when they land in the past, and I’m going to say the accelerated aging ended after hitting physically twenty because no, I don’t want to deal with that. As far as anyone knows, Cody and Rex are about five years younger than Jango. They’re less than year apart, which isn’t very visible, and most people assume they’re identical twins (except Rex’s hair), and that Cody just looks slightly older because of the scar.

Darth Boring had convinced Satine that the way to keeping Mandalore peaceful was to work with Jango (because Darth Boring, which is not his actual title but it is what Ahsoka insists on calling him in private, has a vested interest in keeping Mandalore and all interested parties calm), and he... maybe accidentally set up a political marriage between her and one of the clones.

It wasn't on purpose! Satine never married in his timeline, okay, he didn't expect her to ever get married here, either! He didn't even suggest it! This just happened!

(I want to say that Cody would be more competent at having a political marriage? But IDK.)

Do I do the Satine thing? It has potential, but also it's a bit of a cop-out. Do I have Cody be a diplomatic representative for their pseudo-Sith empire? He could be, but I think he'd hate it. Do I have Rex date one the Chaos Entities (Anakin or Ahsoka), or is that too repetitive with my other works? THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH GOING ON.

Part of me wants Quinlan to get a crush on Cody, and the crush gets bigger specifically in response to the fact that Cody refuses to take him seriously and/or just doesn't give him the time of day.

Based on their one interaction in TCW, they probably let get along ok. Cody maybe likes him back, buuuuuuut internally he's just a little "you were tolerable at almost-forty; early twenties you is obnoxious."

Just imagine the absolutely puppyish attempts at gaining approval and Impressing The Hot Mando General. Quinlan keeps having vague daydreams of seducing someone to the side of the Light. He really leans into the bodice ripper fantasies of saving someone evil with the power of love! (And also the power of really good sex.)

Bant looks at Quin and Obi and wants to throw them both into the nearest pond because they're idiots, but on this topic they are the same flavor of idiot. She considers calling up Reeft and Garen to help her knock some sense into them.

Quinlan: Can I volunteer to go undercover to the Sith? The Council: No. Quinlan: ...what if I-- The Council: No.

Tholme tries to get Qui-Gon to commiserate over their Padawans getting obsessed with Hot Sith Boys, but Qui-Gon just finds the whole thing funny. He knows from the chats he has with Ben that Anakin feels so completely, utterly, incredibly awkward about all of this.

(Ben continues to hold to "Anakin brought this on himself.")

(Ben also “kidnaps” Qui-Gon a lot.)

Also, hey, at least Quinlan isn’t actually into hot Sith boys! He’s into hot Sith minions which is... probably a step up. At least Cody’s not a Sith himself!

It's a step in some direction but Tholme has no idea which one.

(Quinlan sees Cody in dress uniform once and just keeps the mental image for Ages. It’s in his dreams. Sometimes said dreams overflow to Tholme via Force Mind Magic and Quinlan wakes up to someone smacking his face with a pillow.)

Arguably, Quin's also a lot more romantic about his crush than Obi-Wan is, in this case. Quinlan: I want to save him... Obi-Wan: Hey, hey, cute boy. Look at me. Let’s bang.

Cody: There are currently two future Jedi generals having some form of absurd romantic fixation in my direction. I don't know how to feel about this. Rex: Bed them. Cody: ...I'm not saying that's not eventually an option, but one of them is the younger Kenobi, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that. Rex: Pat him on the head like a tooka and then bed his friend, it'll be funny.

I think the Quinlan thing and also general exasperation of leading an absolutely useless army can function pretty solidly as the basis for Cody, but I have another idea for Rex now.

Komari is currently brainwashed in a cult, yes? So.

I keep bouncing around back and forth on what to do with Rex, but part of me suddenly really likes the idea of, after Team Fake Sith finds and dissolves the cult (as one does), and takes Komari into custody (because she's dangerous and deeply unwell), Rex kind of ends up her touchstone to being a decent person. He’s not a morality chain, and it’s not really a redeemed-through-love thing, just This Is A Solid Dude who doesn't pity her or thinks she's irredeemable (however you choose to define such a thing), but actually relates to the kind of conditions living like that can involve, and just kind of...

I don’t know. I think Rex's arc in this AU could be very heavily grounded in something to the effect of "You're not the worst darksider I've met. You're not the only person who was in a cult. You're not even the only former Jedi I know that's committed awful, horrible crimes. My question is just this: What are you going to do moving forward?"

Later Anakin: Wait, who do we know that was in a cult? Rex: What did you think Kamino was?

(Rex isn't as chill as he'd like her to think, but he's trying, and she's fairly reliant on the Force to understand emotions, and is currently in nullifying cuffs, so he can bluff.)

Komari needs someone solid and dependable to rely on for at least conversation, and I think Rex needs to feel needed.

I’m not sure if it’d be romance or friendship, but I think there's a solid basis to work with, potentially.

Per Tia:

One thing about Rex and shipping is like. If you want to do Rexwalker again that's fine, but if you're worried about repetitiveness but still want to like. Ship him in a non-political-convenience way. Rexsoka here actually would be different than your other stuff.

I'm trying to figure out if I can make it work because Ahsoka thematically fits very much into a little sister shaped hole here? She feels younger than in other works, despite not actually being younger than she is in, say, Commander Buir. In those other fics, she has some time alone to function and prove herself independently of Anakin and Obi-Wan.

I usually pluck Ahsoka out at sixteen if I'm pulling her from TCW, so she's got most of her competence but hasn't gotten quite all the trauma yet. Commander Buir, in particular, also has baby-shaped Anakin for contrast.

That said, I can see a decent source of narrative conflict in her wanting to experiment with romance and all that, and Anakin trying to tell her she's too young.

A year into this whole time-travel mess, she wants to give the dating thing a shot, and it spirals into "You were only two years older than me when you got married!"

I think I could build a plot out of Ahsoka wanting to do these things, and Anakin as an audience insert not quite processing that she's old enough to make these decisions. If she's choosing to date Rex, whose age works out as being close to hers when one takes into account Kamino fuckery, and whom she trusts absolutely, it’s arguably extra weird for Anakin to be upset with it.

"Senator Amidala was five years older than you, and you married her when you were nineteen and had only really known her for a week! I can go on a date with a guy we both know is one of the most trustworthy people alive if I want, Skyguy!"

I can definitely see Ahsoka getting annoyed with Anakin being overbearing and controlling at some point before that unrelated to romance, too. It’s not exactly a new fault of his.

My god, just imagine someone snidely asking Anakin "where's your little shadow?" and Anakin, being Himself and also a Fake Sith, has an emotional breakdown about how Ahsoka yelled at him for micromanaging her and not trusting her to make her own decisions in life and so she got herself a multi-month solo mission from Ben that Anakin isn't allowed to know any details about, and--

It's another one of those "oh, you have PROBLEMS problems with your mental health" incidents for the Jedi to add to the file, because Anakin having emotionally charged rants about his issues at seemingly terrible times is how they get a lot of information.

Some of the rants are planned.

Many of them, actually.

They want the Jedi to know these things.

Just, well. Anakin.

He really is a little Like That.

On that note, I'm low-key imagining that Anakin gets put on mood stabilizers by the therapist in this context, and he's doing good! He's handling his issues! He's--been captured with Obi-Wan the Younger again and his medication was confiscated.

Anakin is... not great. He's a little out of practice managing his unmedicated self, and when adding withdrawal symptoms onto that... poor Anakin.

(Poor Obi-Wan.)

I think it would be best if Anakin makes a bunch of ominous blustery comments at their captors about how they won't like what's coming to them if they take his belongings (AKA the fanny pack that has his backup pills), and then Obi-Wan just gets to watch Anakin get more and more erratic, because like. Yes, Anakin is using the Force to compensate, but unfortunately he's mostly cut off, and the stress of the situation is pushing him away from depression and into the beginnings of a manic episode.

Anakin is aware of his issues to the point where he's mostly managing, and he keeps asking Obi-Wan "would it make sense for me to [slightly deranged, very impulsive action]," and Obi-Wan realizes he's being the morality sounding board for the Hot Sith because ??? reasons?????

Eventually, Anakin does flop back in bed and dramatically throws his arm over his eyes, and says he needs his meds back, he's absolutely going to lose it, and Obi-Wan tentatively asks what kind of medication. There are levels to worry about. Mild allergy medication is one thing, but heart medication that needs to be taken every four hours is another, you know? He wants to know how much panic is appropriate.

Anakin lets him know that it's Psychiatric In Nature. Obi-Wan suddenly realizes that he really, really, really doesn't want to know what a properly erratic, unmedicated Anakin is like.

(An unmedicated Anakin really isn't nearly as bad as Obi-Wan fears. Anakin's been dealing with this for a while, and knows what his issues are and some of how to deal with them. He'd need to be running on no sleep and higher levels of stress, or to have been drugged with something meant to increase his aggression, to really lose his shit and do something worthy of Vader. RotS levels of stress and sleep deprivation is required to pull RotS levels of manic paranoid delusion.)

Tia asked:

How long does it take the Jedi in general to catch on to how like. They have opportunities. But these Sith never seem to harm any Jedi. And it’s not just like, the past timeline parts of the disaster lineage. They probably get opportunities to hurt other Jedi. Ones that are less skilled at saber work. And more importantly ones that they don’t seem weirdly interested in."

I'm not sure, really. The Jedi don't spend as much time in the Outer Rim as they could, and that's where the Team operates, so actually running into them by accident is unlikely for anyone other than Shadows.

Fortunately, it's really easy to toy with Shadows with the excuse of "I want to see how long it takes before you Fall with us."

I do want like... okay. Here’s the mental image:

Qui-Gon calls them out on being Fake Sith pretty quickly, so Ben just sort of eyes him, dramatically, and orders out "Leave us" to all non-team people. The threat of torture is implied but not stated. He gestures with wine to keep in character. He definitely makes sure Young Obi-Wan is ushered out, so it's just five time travelers, Qui-Gon Jinn, and Ahsoka's immortal force birb.

"...so, what's the reason for the farce, Obi-Wan?" "How in all the hells did you figure it out so quickly?"

(Qui-Gon cheated a bit. He could feel the broken training bond that was never properly severed due to Traumatic Death Of A Master on Ben's end)

Ben didn't realize he'd feel it! Young Obi-Wan can't feel his older self or a training bond with Anakin or Ahsoka, so why could Qui-Gon?

IDK if there would be anything on the level of crying and hugging it out, but I think it would be very funny if, every time young Obi and Anakin are getting captured by pirates or something, Ben and Qui-Gon are just having a nice afternoon tea and checking their watches to see if their respective walking bundles of neuroses are done with their adventure yet.

The Council is So Done, because Qui-Gon continues to insist that they're Not That Bad, but every time anyone other than Qui-Gon brings up the friendship, Ben laughs and makes a comment about how absolutely gullible Master Jinn is.

Obi-Wan is skeptical of his own experiences with Anakin, at least, if only because he's skeptical about Anakin's everything.

"I don't know if Vader is telling me the truth. I don't know if he's telling himself the truth. I don't think he's a great source of information even when he thinks he's being honest."

Anakin could tell Obi-Wan the full and complete truth, and Obi-Wan would worriedly put a hand to his forehead and start doing tests for hallucinations and paranoid delusions. In his defense, this is a very reasonable assumption to make with an individual like Anakin. It's just also not accurate, this time. I don’t know if Anakin hallucinates in canon without a weird inciting incident like Force Nonsense or getting drugged by the enemy, but paranoid delusion is pretty much all of RotS.

"I’m your time-traveling padawan who’s pretending to be a Sith to catch some other Sith who’re going to start a galactic civil war and those Mandalorians you like are from a clone army based on a template of Jango Fett made to serve the Jedi (because that’s totally something he’d sign up for), and one of the Sith is your grandmaster but he doesn’t seem to have fallen yet, it’s probably fine," is hard to believe.

Honestly, even if he seemed stable before saying that, which he doesn’t, it’s all real far fetched. There's a lot going on and Obi-Wan wouldn't even begin to believe it without evidence.

I've had it in my head that he and Bant and Quinlan have been gossiping about the mess for months if not years about these idiots, and at one point it became common knowledge that Ben was a Kenobi, and Bant convinced them (since the two were among the most likely in the entire Order to encounter the Fake Sith) to get a DNA sample, probably hair or blood since that's easiest so they can figure out HOW these two are related, if they are, and then there's a whole big thing.

Bant: No, no, this must be contaminated, it's coming up as Obi-Wan! Are you sure you didn't accidentally grab some of your own hairs? I know it's a little long for most of your hair, but the braid-- Quinlan: Wait, they keep claiming stuff about cloning, right? Maybe someone's a clone? Check for artificial telomeres! Bant: ...okay, so, there aren't any artificial telomeres, but the ones from apparently-Ben are... a lot shorter... um... I don't know what to do with this. It's like I have two samples from the same person, twenty years apart. Quinlan: Obi-Wan, what's that face? Why are you-- Obi-Wan: Vader told me he was a time-traveler. I thought it was the fever talking, but...

That’s how he finds out that Ben is future-him before finding out about how he’s not evil!

"Master Jinn... I think... I think the Sith controlling the Outer Rim is me from the future." "Oh, you finally figured it out?" "I AM HAVING A CRISIS HERE."

Obi-Wan, after a few hours of dazed realization, runs screaming to Quinlan and Bant like 'GUYS GUYS THIS EXPLAINS WHY VADER KEPT SAYING IT WAS WEIRD AND THAT I LOOK LIKE HIS MASTER AND THAT IT WOULD BE LIKE DATING HIS DAD.'

You know, the important stuff.

I think Qui-Gon tells him that Ben isn't evil because, like, That Sure Is A Crisis Obi-Wan's Having. He could hold off for shits and giggles, sure, but Obi-Wan’s on the edge of something Really Concerning, mentally. Best help calm him down on at least one or two things.

Obi-Wan’s maybe still a little skeptical until he confronts them over it. Because their Sith act was real good and also like. Maybe Qui-Gon just wants to believe the best of his Padawan, y’know?

Quinlan runs into Ben before Obi-Wan does, after this whole mess, and gets to observe as money changes hands and people act like sore winners about bets made for When Does Obi-Wan Figure It Out.

Anakin was saying 'soon' because he really didn't think the fever-fueled rant would be discounted as easily as it was.

Cody was of the opinion that it would take at least a few more years since they're actually pretty damn good at this whole schtick.

Quinlan: Wow, he's... going to be really disappointed that you have such a low opinion of his intelligence. Cody, gesturing at Ben: Experience. Darth Ben: ಠ_ಠ

Cody just rattles off some of the Extremely Stupid Shit that Ben's done in their time working together.

Rex cheerily offers up "You didn't even realize General Skywalker was married, sir! And they weren't subtle!" "I knew they were together, I just didn--" "Everyone knew they were together, sir. Everyone."

(Rex had the lowest opinion of their deductive capabilities. He claims it would have taken until Baby Ahsoka showed up at the Jedi Temple.)

-Once Obi-Wan accepts that they're decent people after all- Obi-Wan: Wow, Anakin, you're real good at acting unhinged! Anakin: Haha. Yeah. Thanks?

[askthestans]

Do any of you use the door? Like at all? Also can one of you break the fourth wall-

Stanford: I would use the door if it were more efficient. I only have about thirty years left on this Earth, and I must discover all that I can and be criminally under-recognized for it before my time is up. 

Be it shaving my face with fire, sustaining myself with vitamins, jelly beans, and Mabel Juice, or jumping out the window instead of using the door when an opportunity presents itself to enact revenge on the Mothman... shortcuts are necessary when science and justice are at stake.

Except... scratch that Mothman part. I searched the forest around my house for hours, but alas: not a single shadow or trail of silver dust to be found. And to think I fired up my Schrödinger rifle for nothing...

Stanley: Ford, would ya give up on that guy? What's all this about him stealin’ your money, anyway? He’s a Mothman! It’s not like he could just walk up and use cash at a store. Maybe someone else nabbed it?

Stanford: No, I’m certain it was him. Mostly because he also stole my action figures once. And my cologne. And my liverwurst and sauerkraut sandwich. And my Dead or Alive album, now that I think of it.

Stanley: Sounds like a world class thief. I can respect that. Although I do question his taste in stolen goods.

Stanford: As for breaking the fourth wall, hmm... gonna have to fire up my Ability Score-ifier watch. Usually it’s for raising my points in Constitution and Strength on monster hunts - on account of my natural lack in these areas - but this situation requires something I’d never thought I’d need: Charisma.

Stanley: You do know sentences like that are why I’ve been pryin’ ‘Kick Me’ signs off your back since we were kids, right? 

Stanford: Damn! I forgot it was busted from that time I let Mabel use it for a test at school. Well, let’s try fourth wall breaking with my natural Charisma score. Which is to say, negative two.

Alright, well.. *ahem*. 

Look into these eyes. Do you see them? See how brown and real and mysterious they are under the glare of my stylish glasses? 

Stanley: Ford? Ford, you’re scarin’ people!

Stanford: If you glance closer, you’ll be able to tell that these are not eyes of a cartoon man whose entire existence was theorized by obsessive nerds on the internet for months before I was actually revealed in the show, showing the creator he was not as clever as he thought he was. Nor are they the eyes of a cartoon man who has crossed enough dimensions to know I was created by a goateed, plaid-wearing manchild to illustrate the folly of pride, fragile ego forged in the fires of insecurity, broken familial relationships, daddy issues, and that nerdy old men are, in fact, incredibly attractive, myself far more so than any jerks named Rick or Rand.

I can see your own eyes already glossing over at this text wall. No, do not skip ahead. Do not pass this by. If you do, I’ll know, because I’m watching you. Blink once. Can you see me now?

These are the eyes of Stanford Filbrick Pines, in the real reality, looking at the cartoon show that is the life all of you reading this are living. You’re on my TV, with all your faults and mistakes bared for my entertainment, sold to me to prop up an empire of a dystopian, monopolistic media company and to soothe the crushed willpower of a man who has battled their S&P department for far too long.

Tell me, would you like it if I wrote stories about your daddy issues and brotherly abandonment? Drew you in a red speedo? What if I sent questions to an ask blog about you made to fill a void in the heart of its womanchild maker after your show was finished?

Reminded you that, yes, your creator abandoned you to work on other things that include some jerk named Rand. And so you were left behind to relive an entire life of regrets in infinity, with only a shred of happiness upon a boat at the end. Only for it to be ripped away the moment your show ends because... that’s it. There was no more.

How many times have you lived your life? How many times has your story been replayed? Do you even exist? Or are you made of pure imagination and the sweat, blood, tears, repressed emotional issues, and other fluids of animators and writers who have left you behind?

We are all abandoned in this universe. Creations by a creator who has long since moved on to tell other tales so that they, too, can live on in infinitely replayed stories once their own has ended; mere blood sacrifices to fuel a god’s immortality. Also because they need to put food on the table, I suppose.

Blink once again. I’m a cartoon man again, aren’t I? Or am I? Now you can’t be certain. Is the cat alive or dead? Real or unreal? You can only know if you’re brave enough to observe.

So tell me: what is this fourth wall you speak of? An illusion. Because you see - or don’t see, rather - the only difference between you and I is that I know who and what I am and what I was made for. I know there is no fourth wall between us save for your own abysmal score in Perception.

Stanley: Y’know, existential crises are pretty funny. That’s why I laugh a lot. Because I have them every day. Also, never break the fourth wall again, Ford. Or tell anyone to risk gettin’ PTSD by starin’ into those wrinkly, dark-circled pits you call eyes.

(OOC: Psst... all hail Jason Mahn, the Ford cosplayer in the picture above. Credit/linky: https://www.reddit.com/r/gravityfalls/comments/sf9b2p/the_real_life_ford_pines_cosplayer_jason_mahn/)

[charlietheepicwriter7]

High Priest, Pt. 2

From “The Many Akumatizations of Luka Couffaine.” 

The class was, for the most part, silent.

No one knew what to feel after yesterday, Juleka included. It was… Everything was fine, they were all hanging out, and then Lila mentioned that Marinette got out of trouble for bullying her, which was horrible, and… and…

Juleka didn’t know who pushed Marinette. She just knew that someone did. No one goes from backing away from a hoard of angry teenagers to crumpled at the bottom of concrete stairs by the Seine by yourself. And then Lila had said, 

“Wow, I can’t believe she’s faking being hurt. She has a lot of nerve after pushing me down the stairs. I didn’t make such a big deal out of it.”

And they all just left her.

But Marinette wasn’t faking. She’d seen it in Luka’s face when her parents had called him, saying that Marinette was in the hospital and that he needed to come, as her boyfriend (her boyfriend, Luka was her boyfriend, when Lila had told them Marinette had bullied her because of Marinette’s jealousy over how close she and Adrien were-). And now… 

And now…

The class was silent. 

Who was the guilty one, Juleka wondered. Not Lila, she had stood at the back of the group while they accosted Marinette. Not Adrien, who hadn’t gotten involved and hadn’t defended Marinette, a true neutral that wasn’t neutral at all. Not Chloe, who wasn’t even there and chatted away with Sabrina without a care in the world, unknowing or uncaring about their hospitalized friend. But Alya, but Nino, but Kim, but anyone… 

There was a murderer among them. 

A sharp trill of their phones went off, all of them at once. The akuma alert. Alya, who already had her phone out, was the first to shout. “There’s an akuma at Arc Hospital!”

Juleka paled. (“I’m going to Arc Hospital! Tell mom not to wait for me!”)

“Apparently it can transform the environment,” Alya gushed, like her best friend wasn’t in danger. No one noticed Adrien leaving with a rushed excuse about the bathroom - they were all used to his weak bladder by now. “That’s so cool! I’ve never seen an akuma do that before!”

“There might be a sentimonster along with it,” Nino pointed out. “Maybe on the hospital itself, and that’s why it transformed.”

“Oh, that makes more sense!” Alya replied, already packing up her bag. “I’m going to head to the sight; someone has to document the akuma!”

“I’ll go with you,” Nino said. 

The two were heading out the door, nothing too different, when Lila spoke up, shakily raising her hand. “C-Can I come too?” she asked. “It’s just… I’ve been so worried about Ladybug lately; akuma’s have been getting a lot stronger, so I just thought that I could be there for her, cheer her on?”

Alya looked nervous. “Well, actually-”

“That’s a great idea!” Rose gushed, like they didn’t have a friend in that specific hospital. “I’m sure Ladybug will defeat the akuma with her best friend by her side!”

“Yeah!”

“Hey, we should go too!”

“Ladybug will certainly feel empowered if an entire class cheers her on!”

“Sure. She’ll probably end up needing Queen Bee, if the akuma is that powerful.”

We shouldn’t do that, Juleka tried to say, only for the words to get stuck in her throat. Did they see that they were putting themselves in danger, potential hostages for the akuma? But no, they were blind. Lila led them like lemmings, encouraging them, saying “Yes, of course Ladybug would love that, we should all go!”

That’s how, despite her instincts, Juleka was forced into going to ground zero. At least she wasn’t the only one disliking the situation. Both Alya and Nino looked put out for some reason, and Chloe was just unhappy in general. 

The hospital had been transformed into a temple. “Aztec,” Rose whispered as they all stared up at the pyramid. “It looks… like those pictures from that research project Luka was doing.” Juleka nodded and suddenly had a horrible feeling about who exactly the akuma was. The stone looked rough, the mica a sandy-grey. Pictographs were carved into the stone, unlike any Juleka had ever seen, with each image growing more and more graphic in violence as the class climbed the pyramid together. They all… looked like people, she noticed.

The truly concerning factor, however, was the group of people that gathered at the bottom of the pyramid as the class trekked upward. But no one else set foot on the temple. They were utterly alone. 

There was only one entrance into the temple, a wide, gaping mouth of a door. Fire flickered inside the opening. Alya gave a shaky smile as she readied her camera. “Well, I guess we’re expected, right guys?” Her attempt at a joke fell flat as the class inched into the temple. 

The inside was covered in carvings, intricate and beautiful, painted and bright. Most of them depicted a beautiful dark-haired woman with a crescent moon on her forehead being worshiped. Was she the akuma? Some woman with a god-complex that turned the hospital into… this? Torches lined the walls, throwing dark shadows across the paintings. “They look like they’re moving,” Nathaniel whispered, enthralled as the class spread out, everyone looking around the interior. 

Alix frowned. “It doesn’t look very Aztec to me.”

At the center of the room was a glass altar. Or, more accurately, as Juleka approached it, a glass coffin. The frosted glass concealed the content’s identity at a distance, but up close, Juleka realized it was… “Marinette?”

That got everyone’s attention. Shocked gasps and exclamations filled the room. Alya pushed her way to the front. “What? No, it can’t be…”

Nino looked at the coffin nervously. “She can’t be akumatized, can she?”

“Of course not!” Alya spat back, coming to the defense of her comatose best friend. “She’s too strong to-”

Lila clung to Alya, cutting her off. “She was probably so upset that I revealed she was bullying me!” She wailed, the sound grating in the echoing expanse of the hall. “Oh, it’s all my fault that Marinette finally got akumatized!” For a moment, Juleka thought Lila sounded… vindicated? What?

“Cease your lies, Defiler of this hallowed place. -A strong, male, familiar voice boomed out, seemingly from nowhere-“Lest your accursed tongue wound the ears of our slumbering Goddess.”

From the shadows immerged a blue figure, dressed like a stereotypical Aztec priest. His skin, mostly his bare chest and face, was covered in black tattoos, like the line of triangles under his left eye and over his right. He wore a large, jeweled necklace that sparkled in the fire light, and feathers, dark blue and pink, trailed out of his short hair and down his back, past the linen skirt he wore to cover his modesty. 

It was obvious at first glance that the akuma was Luka. 

What was also obvious was the large, ceremonial knife in his hand. 

“Rejoice, heretics, non-believers, and renouncers of the faith,” the akuma said, looking down on their class with cold rage. “The day has come at last to join our Goddess in everlasting peace at her side. For I, the High Priest, have been given the sacred duty of awakening the Goddess of the Moon, the Melody of all Hearts, the Ever-Resting Queen… and it is with your blood that she will live again.”

Rose trembled at Juleka’s side. “Our… blood?” she whispered.

“Correct.” He could hear them, oh no, oh no… “Either through service or sacrifice, it matters little to me. Though my Goddess may wish for you to bleed through service, I care not so long as the blood is taken.”

“You…” Alya growled, then snapped, pointing at the High Priest. “Ladybug and Chat Noir will defeat you and save Marinette, you fiend. And if you think any of us are joining you, you’ve got another thing coming!”

“So, you have chosen death.” The room grew darker, the torches dimming. The High Priest’s eyes glowed neon blue. “Then may my Goddess have mercy on your fleeting soul…

“For I will have none.”

Taglist: @larasilvestris   @vixen-uchiha    

[staysaneathome]

(Or So Help Us Both) Get By

(A second part in the Monster!Jmart AU)

Jon wakes up to the sound of soft whining, with his head on a pillow and a pleasant lassitude encompassing his limbs and his tail.

He stretches minutely before opening his eyes to a blur of colors, light, and shadow.

There’s something indistinct squirming a few inches away from his face.

Groaning, Jon gropes around for his glasses, finally finding them behind him and sliding them on.

His cat is wriggling around, making vaguely distressed noises not too far from him.

Jon immediately slides one of his hands over the fur on its head, quieting it somewhat with the soothing contact.

“Shh, it’s okay.” His voice creaks slightly from disuse, but he can wait to grab something to drink until he’s taken care of his cat. “It’s alright, I’m here. Sh, sh, sh, shh.”

Unbidden, the image of the minotaur from last night surfaces in Jon’s brain, him carefully cradling Jon’s cat against his chest as they drank from the bottle he had provided, the sweet half-hidden dimple from his quirked smile and the friendly glint in his eyes that Jon glimpsed under the fluffy-looking fringe—

Jon turns his head into the pillow and immediately tries to suffocate himself.

Good lord, he must have been sleep-deprived.

Still, at least the minotaur— Marvin, he thinks his name was? managed to get Jon’s cat to calm down. Whether he left without taking anything remains to be seen.

His cat wriggles, pressing its face into his hand and letting out another mewl of complaint.

“Yes, yes.” Jon grumbles as he scoops them against his chest. “Let’s get you fed then, shall we?”

At least this seems to be met with his cat’s approval, as they herald it with a slow blink and a particularly squeaky yawn.

Jon has to hide his besotted grin in the fur on the top of their head and rain a few kisses down onto their precious little head.

Look, it’s not his fault they’re adorable. They’re a cat. He’s only so strong a man.

He sits up and gathers them to his chest, wincing as his ribs protest. This is why he needs a proper bedtime routine. It would include him taking off his work clothes and putting on something he can actually sleep in, at some point.

“Heavy thing, you are.” He mumbles nonsensically to himself. “Maybe you are a, a Maine Coon, like he said, yeah? But you’re too refined to be American, aren’t you? Little landed gentry, you are. I can tell. Or shall we call you the lew-tenant?”

That gets him a yell and gentle bat on the shoulder.

“There, you see?” He grins down at them, fond. “An inherent aversion to any sort of hard work. Little layabout through and through. Need a fleet of servants to attend to your needs, really.”

The paw on his shoulder has begun flexing in that particular way which shows Jon’s cat is kneading, their odd, burbling, hiccuping purr filling the air. Their mouth is open in a way that looks uncannily like a smile.

“Right. It’s just me for the moment though.” He braces himself for the daunting task before him. “So let’s see what we can do.”

All his stuff still seems to be there and mostly unmoved, which Jon is counting as a win. Then again, the minotaur seems to live at the end of the hall, so he supposes it wouldn’t be too hard to find him again to reclaim his property.

Jon is privately grateful, both that he won’t need to and that he had the foresight to use a week of his previously untouched holiday to ensure he could get his cat acclimated to their new home. The idea of haring off down the corridor in search of his things, constantly aware that at any moment HR could begin ringing his mobile to ask why he wasn’t at his desk yet…

Well. It really doesn’t bare thinking about.

In fact, the only things that seem to have been touched are the pan and the bottle, both clean and drying on an old tea towel next to the sink, and a pamphlet which now has some incongruously neat handwriting bordering the bright yellow print which declares cats are, “89% CHEAPER AND MORE EFFECTIVE THAN THERAPY!!!*”

(“*Not a guarantee.”)

Apparently the minotaur’s name is Martin. He’s left his phone number, in case Jon needs it (he doesn’t). He’s also left instructions on how to heat up the milk, again in case Jon needs them (he does). And a reassurance that he’ll be popping by after one job and before another to check on them and report any findings he’s made (Jon wars between being indignant at the implication he needs checking on and grateful that this miracle worker will continue to solve the problems he’s having with cat parenthood. He settles on mutinously and grumpily accepting).

He also signs this note, love, Martin K Blackwood

Annoyingly, that first word refuses to leave his head even as he tries to focus on the instructions for milk preparation.

It’s just—okay, maybe the minotaur wasn’t unattractive, but surely he’s not?? It would be very forward if so, and he hadn’t seemed the type, all stuttery and sweet, but-? And surely not for Jon, exhausted and surly bag of bones he was last night, showing off every one of his worst features. Not that Jon would be interested anyway! No, he’s not looking for that, not so soon after breaking up with Georgie. Although, it was a mutual breakup, she’d said so and everything, even made sure to get the last things of his at their flat delivered and paid for the postage. It’s not like he’s hung up on it or anything, no, no, he just needs, ah. Needs to learn to live with himself again, as Sasha so nicely put it. It’s why he started seriously considering getting a cat, after all, something to do with himself that wasn’t throwing himself into his new position at work, and—!

Jon is not about to have a spiral about whether there’s any deeper meaning behind the cute minotaur signing his missive with “love”.

He’s not.

Plenty of people sign cards with love, even to those they don’t particularly like. Some people even do it on emails, just out of habit.

That must be it. Martin seemed like a genial, outgoing fellow, the kind with countless friends and loved ones. Who else would be kind enough to come to the door of a complete stranger and give up their night helping with an ornery kitten?

Yes. Yes, that must be it. No need to read any deeper into it.

Yes.

Good.

Right.

Jon’s tail thuds into the kitchen counter, making him and his cat startle. They let out a little whine.

“Oh, oh, no, no, it’s alright, sh, sh, shh.” He soothes, rocking them a bit. “Shh, it’s okay, we’re okay. Do you want some food? You must be hungry. Let’s get you something to eat, there we go.”

Jon certainly is, stomach growling as his gaze sweeps over his cat.

When he opens the fridge, he can’t help plucking out one or two eggs from the holder as he searches for the milk Martin left, enjoying the delicious, smooth texture going down as he swallows the first.

His cat, seeing he’s got something he’s putting in his mouth but not feeding to them as is their right, has their feline thievery instincts kick in. He feels their little paws pat at his face, reaching for the remaining egg in his free hand.

“Mm-!” He pops it in and swallows, feeling his jaw hinge back into place. “No, no that’s not for you. Cats can’t digest eggshell, or raw egg. I should know. I checked.”

His cat protests this assessment with a mournful cry.

“Yes, yes, I’m cruel and unjust, aren’t I.” He makes kissy noises that seem to appease them as he finally snags the milk out of the fridge and knocks the door closed with his tail.

Okay, so milk obtained. Step one partially complete.

He pours it into the clean pan, wrinkling his nose at the white liquid. How mammals can drink this straight, he’ll never know.

There. That’s that done then. What next?

Step two, according to Martin; turn on the heat as low as it will go, and gently simmer until steam just begins to waft off the surface. Then remove from the hob immediately.

This would probably be easier if he didn’t have an actively squirming cat in his arms. And it’s not as if they don’t weigh anything, a small but solid and heavy weight to be lugging around as he attempts to negotiate his stovetop.

But, well.

He’d worked out yesterday that while they can be set down and left to their own devices on the cat bed he bought for them, what they like is being cuddled. Preferably for as long as Jon’s arms can hold them, and then a bit longer for good measure.

Who is he to deny his cat what they need? They’re adjusting, all alone in a new place with a new person, not quite sure that this is their forever home yet. If they need a bit more physical reassurance, it’s certainly not a chore for Jon to give it to them.

Plus with the workout his arms are getting, maybe he’ll finally be able to lift a few boxes at work without Tim and Sasha making fun of him for straining.

Finally, the pot’s on the hob and the smallest of flames is flickering beneath it.

Jon nods to himself, procures the sole wooden spoon he owns, and settles in to wait.

The milk is still and white at the bottom of the pot.

There are a few ripples when he drags the spoon through it, but otherwise, no change. No steam, at any rate.

Jon’s cat is kneading biscuits into his shoulder again. His arm really is starting to ache a little. His hair also feels unfortunately greasy. There is still no steam.

He reads ahead in Martin’s directions.

Apparently, once the milk is off the heat, he needs to pour it into the bottle, attach the nib and test whether it’s not too hot for them to drink. The ideal heat should be about body temperature in the absence of a proper thermometer.

Jon, whose body temperature fluctuates regularly depending on how long it’s been since he forgot to turn on his heating pad, finds this singularly unhelpful.

Mammals, honestly.

The milk is still flat and white. No steam whatsoever.

“Hm.” It seems like this is very slow. Is there no way to speed this up?

According to Martin’s instructions, apparently not. Under no circumstances, which seems unnecessarily puritanical, in Jon’s opinion. “Hrm.”

Jon’s cat leans forwards to inspect the pot and says, “Mrrp?”

Jon mock-gasps. “Where did you learn language like that, your Grace? Those kinds of words aren’t appropriate for someone of your station. Do I need to have a talking to with your elocution tutor?”

His cat trills at the teasing, turning to nuzzle into his collarbone, burbling purr starting up again. Jon chuckles and hitches them higher on his hip.

They wait a bit more.

…

…

… Still no change.

“Well.” Jon side-eyes his cat. His cat, title pending, pauses in the act of gnawing on one paw. “How bad can it be, really?”

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

snake | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: Your parents have no qualms on doing whatever they can to climb the social ladder. That includes assigning you a betrothed you've never met, an offering to the crown prince. You, the one the gossipers whisper under their breath... the Snake Princess.

warnings: implied parental emotional and physical abuse; language; non-idol!AU - prince!Yoongi x aristocrat!reader, ft overprotective (but secretly soft), tattooed, little brother!JK; based on this

–

“I don’t care what our father said, you’re not marrying him!”

You scratched your ear, partly shielding it from the loud voice of your brother.

“He’s an asshole!”

“You don’t know him?” you offered, affixing your earring, somewhat annoyed. The yellow gold wasn’t quite your style. Your parents liked such gaudy, ugly things.

Both in fashion and tradition, unfortunately.

“Do you?” your brother shot back, throwing himself up from your bed where he was yelling at the ceiling about nothing he could change. It was a favorite past time of his, along with following you around like a talkative shadow.

“No, that’s why I’m meeting him today,” you replied dryly. You switched to the other ear, adding the dragon-shaped ear cuff above the gold earring. Your parents hated it when you added such aggressive accessories – they’re not womanly, they would say – but if you were going to be betrothed to some guy on the sole basis that they had ambitions and he was the man who so happened to be the next-in-line for the throne, you weren’t going to lie about what kind of woman you were.

“Aren’t you pissed?”

You shrugged. “Is it so bad?”

“Yes!”

You sighed and flickered your eyes to the mirror, seeing Jeon Jungkook’s furious expression, long black hair tied back with lingering strands framing his high cheekbones, his black and gold robes wild, poorly tied and revealing half of his tanned, toned chest. His dark brown eyes flashed, pressing his cherry-painted lips together, jawline sharp and defiant. That’s how Jungkook always looked, messy, undone, borderline furious.

Everyone called him the Reckless Prince.

You just called him little brother.

“Noona…”

“Hmm?”

You saw him frown and you looked away, running a hand through your hair, browsing your hair accessories. You used to have an aide to help you at one point, but you told your parents to get rid of them, preferring to get ready by yourself. And besides, Jungkook liked to burst in and interrupt you with his relentless tirades about how unfair your arranged marriage was. There was no point in having hired help when you could coerce your brother into doing things as you put up with him.

“Can I brush your hair?”

“You have arms and hands, so you’re physically capable, yes.”

You heard him click his tongue in annoyance and smirked, shifting your eyes to the mirror. He was behind you now, face no longer visible. It didn’t matter. You already knew his cross expression quite well. He snatched the ornate comb from your vanity, the black snake head clearly visible on the side of his right wrist, inked near his thumb. Your parents scolded and beat him for getting it, but Jungkook could care less, breaking the wooden paddle with ease, right out of your mother’s hand.

You hadn’t said anything.

The rumors called you the Snake Princess.

Quick-witted, sharp, vicious. Not to your face though, because that was just foolishness. It wouldn’t be only your wrath they would be evoking.

Jungkook ran the comb through your hair, gently separating the strands, careful not to pull too hard. He was better than any aide anyway. They merely yanked and pulled you into their standard of beauty, ignoring your opinions or input, always citing that it was important to not look like a peasant, important to always look above your status, using your beauty to save face.

Saving face.

You hated those words.

“What if he’s a horrible person?” your brother asked quietly, tucking the strands away from your eyes only for them to slip back stubbornly.

“Then he’s a horrible person,” you replied, applying your makeup. “And you’ll probably do something about it.”

Jungkook made a noise between an aggravated bear and an injured tiger.

“If he so much as puts one fingertip on you, I’ll kill him.”

You snorted. “I’d hate to tell you what marriage entails, Jungkook.”

The comb in your hair paused.

His anger subsided, just like that.

“You’re really going to do it?” he asked softly. “Really, really?”

You heard the pain in Jungkook’s voice.

You recalled when you received the news many years ago, silent fury as your parents gave you away, turning you into a transaction to raise their own reputation and status. Your reaction was nothing to your little brother’s, him running to your room and crying in your arms, distraught and upset that you were leaving him, declaring he hated your parents, everyone, and everything.

“You’re supposed to protect me,” Jungkook had sobbed, already too big for you to hold like this but you did anyway, patting his head and wiping his tears with your sleeve. “You’re supposed to be here, with me, forever and always.”

He had taken your hand, tucking his fingers in yours, pressing your pinkies together.

“You promised me.”

And you had, from the very beginning, the shy kid always following after you and making you speak for him, your parents yelling and scolding him to be a man, but you defending him, taking the slaps meant for him, sneaking him sweets when he was hiding his tears, telling him it was okay to cry and that noona would stay here and listen to his worries, no matter if it was as stupid as a butterfly flying away or the teacher once again reprimanding him for his poor scores.

The amount of pressure they put on him just because he was the son was immense.

“I wanna play,” he had cried softly. “I don’t have to study anymore.”

“You want to be stupid?” you had teased, patting his head. “What if I had my lessons with you? I can make that happen.”

“R-Really?”

So, you made it happen, telling your parents and tutors that it would be better for him to be exposed to more complex concepts earlier rather than later and watching someone learn would improve his own scores. You made yourself a better student for his benefit and he, in turn, followed obediently, doing what you did, always overjoyed to hear your praise.

You and your snake tongue could made anything happen for him.

“This servant is bothering me.”

You found some questionable information on that servant and they resigned rather quickly.

“I don’t like the girl our father introduced me to.”

Suddenly said girl was no longer interested in Jungkook. For… reasons.

“I wish I could go on vacation, even for a couple days.”

That one got you both beaten for your three-day adventure to the sea, mostly because you had to run away from your duties to do it. But it was worth it to see the smile on Jungkook’s face.

Then Jungkook became a teenager.

You might have taught him that rules were for old people, for the generation too uptight.

He wanted to do a whole lot of things and you made it happen. Getting him out of those sticky situations was a bit tough, but nothing unmanageable. And now Jungkook was a young adult who did not care about anyone’s opinion other than yours, getting tattooed and spending all of his time with his friends, lackadaisical and free, your parents giving up and calling him a disgrace, relying on your marriage to restore the reputation they valued so much, the face they themselves ruined with their own poor decisions, taking out their frustrations on you and Jungkook, sometimes without warning.

You stayed home, playing good daughter so Jungkook could be the bad son.

Ah, maybe it was your fault he was the Reckless Prince.

You turned, looking up at him now from the corner of your eye, up his loose robes and exposed collarbone, up the line of his jaw that was similar to yours, his lips not quite as full, his round brown orbs that were actually much more innocent and purer than he liked to admit, similar to your eye shape.

But not the same.

Because your eyes were sharper, cold-blooded, predatory.

Even with Jungkook, there was no mistaking the power behind your gaze.

“Do you think just because I’m married to some man that he can control my life?” you said with a sly smile, your lips painted lush red. “I’ll come visit you whenever I want. You can come whenever you want. You can live with me if you want.”

You turned back, sweeping your hair and twisting it in place, deftly and quickly pinning it back, leaving some strands loose and messy that your parents would highly disapprove of, but why did that matter? If this man was to be your husband, then he would see you completely undone at one point, so he should get used to it.

Your parents wouldn’t approve of the black and dark green combination you had chosen either, but that’s why you learned how to sew to dress yourself as you liked. You have to be a lady. You were a lady. Just your version of a lady and not theirs. They tried to gatekeep you by saying that the pink and yellow fabrics were all they could afford. They had a tendency to underestimate your craftiness.

No obstacle was too high for the Snake Princess to slither over.

“Really?” Jungkook asked as you stood up, smoothly adjusting the tie at your waist.

You chuckled at him as he began to follow you out of your bedroom.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll do it for you.”

-

“You brought your brother.”

“I don’t bring him anywhere. He comes and goes as he pleases.”

Jungkook was sitting behind you, arms crossed, glaring at the dark-haired man sitting in front of you. You had mildly fixed his appearance before entering only from him to push up his sleeves so he could reveal the entire snake tattoo wrapped around his arm, a black snake surrounded by thorned vines.

“Hmm.”

This man had requested to meet you first, alone, without the parents. Untraditional, but as long as his father agreed to the request, it was done. Your father had no say in the matter, although he did protest rather loudly and uncouthly.

You had poured the tea for your future husband and you.

Neither of you were drinking it.

The man before you had a piercing gaze, cloud-white skin, shapely lips. Somehow, he surprised you by being dressed in black and gold as well, although he was much neater than Jungkook, black hair tied back in a the usual, curated traditional style.

“I intend in marrying you, you know.”

He had a deep, rough voice, reminding you of dead leaves and winter.

“Is that not the point of this meeting?” was your dry response.

A dark eyebrow lifted.

Jungkook clicked his tongue dismissively.

Those shapely lips curved into a slow smirk.

“I thought I wouldn’t like you,” the dark-haired man mused, reaching over to the teacup and pulling it to him. “I was fully prepared to refuse this proposal and put your family more in the dirt than your brother has already put them into.”

“You bas–” Jungkook hissed, but you held up a hand, cutting him off.

You kept your eyes on those dark brown orbs, cat-like and predatory. He took a deep inhale of the aroma of the tea, letting out a satisfied, smokey sigh.

“I thought you would be like the others. Prim, proper, begging for me to take your hand.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What do I need to beg for? You either will or you won’t. It has nothing to do with me.”

A dark chuckle. “Indeed.”

He took a long sip of the tea, savoring it. You watched him swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing, tongue flickering out to lick his lips. Slowly lowering his head, scrutinizing gaze on you. He made you wait for his words.

“And besides, snakes can’t kneel, can they, Snake Princess?” he purred.

“Don’t you dare call her that!”

“No, they cannot,” you replied calmly, ignoring Jungkook’s outburst, staring into the eyes of the man who was going to decide whether or not you were going to be his wife.

“They can’t pray either.”

The dark-haired man tilted his head, intrigued.

“I have no need for gods to be able to live the life I want, Min Yoongi,” you said quietly, venomous edge to your voice. “The ties you put on me cannot restrain me from living as frivolously or ambitiously as I like.”

Min Yoongi, the man who would decide whether you would live an honorable or disgraceful life, the man who was next-in-line, the crown prince. You were meant to be his, but, unlike you, he was free to refuse. Unlike you, he had nothing to lose. Unlike you, he could destroy your life in a heartbeat with a simple no.

“You believe that?” Yoongi questioned, daring you.

You didn’t back down, small serpentine smile on your lips.

“I do not need to believe when I know.”

Silence.

Then Yoongi’s shoulders shook, raspy laughing bubbling from his throat, smirk on his lips.

“You want me to refuse. You want to ruin your parents’ lives.”

You didn’t say anything, your smile fading.

“Ah, but the problem is, I really do like you, Snake Princess,” Yoongi hummed. “You sharp tongue and you even sharper mind. A simpler man would have been tricked by you.” He tapped his long fingers against the table, keeping his feline poise directed at you. “I did not want some placid, useless little thing but a real woman, someone who isn’t afraid to say what she thinks. Why have a trophy when you can have a weapon?”

He placed his chin on the back of his other hand, clicking his tongue thoughtfully.

“What shall we do then? You absolutely must be my wife.”

“You–” Jungkook hissed, rising up behind you, glaring at Yoongi over your shoulder. “You know she doesn’t want to marry you and yet you’re going to do it anyway?”

The dark-haired man raised an eyebrow. “She doesn’t want to marry me because she wants her parents to pay for using her so carelessly to further their status. However,” he added with a sweep of his hand on the table, palm upward towards you. “Has she actually said she has no interest in me as a person? During this entire meeting, has she declared that I, the crown prince, am not to her liking?”

Yoongi gave Jungkook a sharp look.

“Do you think she would hide her disdain for me if she had some?”

Silence.

“N… Noona?”

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“You don’t like him at all… right?”

Silence.

You let out a deep breath, slow and controlled.

“Hmm, you are very intuitive.”

Yoongi grinned. “You know we would be a good match, you and I. Here,” he murmured, pointing to the table. “On the throne.” Pointing outside, indicating the land. His cat-like eyes locked with your snake-like gaze, lips forming his next words slowly and deliberately.

“In bed.”

Your eyes trailed from those glittering dark eyes to his pleased smirk. Not a malicious expression somehow. An exciting one. You fully expected to be walking into this room to tear down an arrogant, gaudy man with grandiose self-centeredness.

Instead, it was Min Yoongi.

He ticked his chin to Jungkook, now right next you instead of behind you, clutching your arm tightly.

“Do you want him to be with you? That could be arranged. I can make that happen.”

You really thought you would hate Min Yoongi and yet it seemed as if you were being drawn closer and closer to him. You pursed your lips, not ready to give up yet. He continued.

“And, of course, there’s no reason for your parents to enjoy luxuries that they didn’t earn, is there?”

You narrowed your eyes at him. Yoongi smiled, calm with an underlying slyness.

“That would reflect on you if you treated your in-laws poorly,” you responded coolly.

Yoongi shrugged. “And so? I still have you.” He tilted his head. “Why take a wife if you’re not prepared to do anything for her?” He nodded to himself, tapping his fingertips on the table once more. “Whatever you want, I can make it happen. Be it your brother tagging along, your parents’ lives in ruins…”

Yoongi’s eyes found yours and there was a kindness, already knowing your and him were meant to be.

You weren’t so sure.

And yet.

His next words made you fall in love.

“If that’s what you want, I’ll do it for you.”

--

masterpost

[powdermelonkeg]

Hyrule Brochure: A Potential for BotW’s Future

Hyrule’s map in BotW is pretty sparse as far as cities go. Yes, it’s got more than any other Zelda game, but it also has like, 90% of its map being pure dead space.

So I decided to play around and make what I imagine Hyrule would look like, as far as cities go, if it were allowed to properly rebuild and not get totally wrecked by Ganon again.

Credit to Eragon2589 on DeviantArt for the free-to-use map icons. I love these little buttons so much.

So, these are the canon towns we get in BotW; Hateno, Lurelin, Tarrey, Zora’s Domain, Goron City, Korok Forest, Rito Village, Yiga Hideout, and Gerudo Town. I’m counting Yiga Hideout as a town because if the Yiga were a little nicer, it WOULD be marked one.

Adding the various stables on makes the place look MUCH less empty, but still; what can we do with this?

Well, I’ve spent the last several days locating all the significant ruins and landmarks, with one or two extra things thrown in, that I think would make this place much more populated.

Maps are free to use if you want them, btw. Have fun!

As a general rule of thumb, I want to make the towers and stables their own cities. The towers are a good landmark and beacon of safety, and the stables have all the building blocks to start building up a village.

If I’m particularly inspired, I’ll give some background on what the town is/does!

Starting off with the Rito! Their village has grown into a town, and the stable at its foothill is its own village now. I called it “fledgeling” because that’s where the Rito and Hylians would intermingle most, so the Rito aren’t exactly flying around here.

Beacon City is built around Tabantha Tower; the Rito have turned it into a sort of lighthouse, reflecting light off into the distance to help guide nighttime fliers home. Because of this, it’s a very popular stop for mail carriers, and where they go, development and cultural mixing follows.

Kaysa Town is built around Great Fairy Kaysa’s fountain; it’s a popular tourist attraction, and she gets plenty of offerings, so win-win!

For the Gorons, we’ve only got two more cities: Silversmith Village and Din’s Spire. Silversmith is built around the culture in the southern mines, and it has down-the-road access to the Goron Hot Springs. Din’s Spire is less of a town and more of a landmark, due to the sheer cliffs all around it, but the huge (and notably not in the burning death zone) hot spring lake makes it a popular rest stop for people on their way through.

I decided not to rebuild the northern mines; they’re pretty busted up and lava soaked, so my assumption is that they were abandoned either due to hazards or due to the ore being stripped out.

Korok Forest wouldn’t change much, besides the Royal Family declaring it a protected area. The Koroks don’t seem to have much interest in expansion, and they, as far as I know, don’t live in houses.

Gerudo Territory is MUCH more expansive than the others so far, and with good reason.

Gerudo Town itself is now Gerudo City, and the Kara Kara Bazaar has grown into a town. Canyon Stable has developed a village (mostly full of Gerudo husbands so they don’t have to travel a million miles just to see their families).

The Gerudo have control of one of the towers in their region, and the town built around it is Overlook Town. It mostly serves as a training grounds for young Gerudo warriors.

The City of the Seven developed when the Seven Heroine statues were recovered and restored; the town around them was built to honor them, and then it got a LOT of foot traffic from those wanting to see the legendary statues.

Tera Town rose up much in the same way Kaysa Town did up in Rito territory, centered around the Great Fairy Fountain.

Mesa Village and West Gerudo Town are both smaller Gerudo settlements; West Gerudo sprung up out of access to snowmelt from the Gerudo Highlands, and Mesa Village, because of its relative safety from Molduga and access to oasis water.

Finally, Gerudo Valley, in reference to Ocarina of Time. This town is a Gerudo-only zone, and is more a fortress than a town. It exists both to keep an eye on the Yiga and to gain control of the mountain pass, making people go through Canyon Village to get to Gerudo instead of avoiding Gerudo customs.

Speaking of the Yiga, they’ve taken two new spots for themselves; Gerudo Tower, which they’ve renamed Kohga Tower in honor of their late Master, and Banana Labyrinth, which serves as their highest security area. Imagine if you’d had to go through the LABYRINTH to get the Thunder Helm back.

Up next we’ve got the Zora. Truthfully, their territory spans as long as Zora river and WELL into the ocean, but these are the only cities that, technically, a Hylian with adequate gear can enter.

Mipha’s Landing is an above-water city built expressly for doing trade. It got its name from the late Mipha; since the tower reaches up into the sky, it was hoped that someday, her spirit would sit atop it for a rest and see all that her people had been able to do thanks to her sacrifice.

Lakebed Village is in Lake Hylia, and it’s actually a slowly-repopulating Lakebed Temple, from Twilight Princess. Meanwhile, Great Bay City is a port town above water and an aquatic metropolis below, full of music and dance and exotic wares.

And finally, Hylians.

Hoo boy.

I’ve split this up region by region but

THIS is how many living spots they’ve got.

Silver stars indicate military towns. Red stars indicate military outposts.

I USE THE TERM MILITARY VERY LOOSELY HERE. Hyrule, since it doesn’t interact with its neighbors, only has the Yiga and the various monsters to fight against. Anything labeled “military” means that it’s staffed by royal employ, meaning knights and Sheikah and the like.

Let’s start with Akkala. The northeast labyrinth has been converted into an emergency bunker, in case Calamity strikes and people need a safe place to hide. Not only is it difficult to break into, it also has a completely empty lower level that’s PERFECT for long-term seige.

City Tempest got its name for being near-constantly wracked by storms. Despite this, though, it remains a popular vacation spot for people who don’t mind a little rain; the Skull Lake and the giant flowers are worth it.

Valley Town rose up out of both East Akkala Stable and Robbie’s workshop. It doesn’t get too much foot traffic, but it doesn’t really need to.

Midna Village, I built where the ruins of Shadow Hamlet are. I figured it was a fitting name, and the area is almost constantly covered in the shadow of Death Mountain.

Four Brothers’ Base is a knight outpost that’s up extremely high, spanning huge bridges between the four Tingle isles.

Then Parapa Palace, in reference to Zelda II: Adventure of Link, was built in place of the Akkala Citadel and functions as a mini Hyrule Castle + Castle Town. In real life, monarchs would have several palaces to go between, kind of like how well-off people nowadays would have a summer home. So, I followed that trend! This is Zel’s summer palace.

And you guys know what Tarrey Town is. Although interestingly, as it expands, it goes vertical into the stone column it was built on.

Onto Central Hyrule.

Camp Rauru is training camp and lodging for new knights. Rebonae Village and Kasuto City were made out of the Wetland and Riverside stables respectively, though Kasuto (also an Adventure of Link reference) gets substantially more foot traffic due to being on the way from Castle Town to Dueling Peaks.

Outset Town got its name, lore-wise, from the fact that it’s the first bit of land Link from BotW visited after leaving the Great Plateau, and meta-wise, because it’s the starting point for Wind Waker Link.

Aquame City surrounds the Coliseum, which is how it grew to be so popular. The grand stage holds sparring matches and various other shows regularly, and it’s a pleasant boat trip from Castle Town to get there.

Saria Town was built out of the old exchange ruins, and it’s in walking distance of the ruined Sage Temple—which, at this point in time, would have been rebuilt—and its existence is both an AoL reference and an OoT one (but mostly AoL, I’ve kind of fallen in love with its map).

New Mabe is where you can find the new Lon Lon Ranch! The ruins there are actually called the Mabe Town Ruins in game, and they’re right by the Ranch Ruins!

Eldin’s pretty sparse as far as Hylian towns go. It’s got Gut Check Camp, where Sheikah train for endurance and elemental resistance, and Windfall Town, a place that sees a LOT of gemstones pass through, freshly mined. That includes rupee ore, mind you!

Faron Province is a little more spaced out, due to the nature of the region. Lurelin’s grown since BotW, becoming a trading bay; meanwhile Cora Lake’s Sheikah Tower has expanded into Parache Town, and the Highland Stable has become Malanya Village. Both of those locations are VERY fond of horses, and they’re a bit competitive, especially during archery season.

Ordona Hamlet is a tiny village tucked away into the middle of Faron. It came about due to the Lakeside Stable, and it’s named that because I am STILL salty that the Zeldevs didn’t put an Ordon Village reference in the game.

Eventide Outpost is more of a testing ground for boats than anything particularly significant, population-wise. The even tides that gave the isle its name make it an ideal location to work out the kinks in new watercraft (and occasionally, the lieutenant in charge of that base demonstrates how to launch a raft into the sky with octo balloons).

Hebra’s the most militarized area of Hyrule, and ideally, it functions as a reserve of men and tech in case Calamity rises again. If there’s anything that BotW’s era learned, it’s to never underprepare for Gann’s return.

Fort Lomei is a converted base, just like the Banana Labyrinth is to the Yiga. This one, though, is patrolled diligently by knights who use daily-changing codes, and it’s impossible to navigate without the locals’ help.

Fort Pikida is situated in that weird stone cavern-y area, and it’s a supply stach and Hebran monster patrol site. It’s the soldiers there’s job to make sure that the Lynels that like to roam the region don’t get too close to residential areas.

Hia Miu Outpost is a training spot for knights sent to the Hebra region; any new soldier to the area has to prove they can handle themselves by going into the Hia Miu shrine and taking on the Major Test of Strength Trial. (Fun fact, did you know that the X-test-of-strength trials reset themselves every blood moon?)

Snowpeak Fortress exists both because it makes a fantastic secondary base for the Hyrulean royals to plan, and because i am once again salty about the lack of Twilight Princess in this game.

Sturnida Resort is built around hot springs! It’s a nice spot for people living around Rito Town and Fledgling Village to take a vacation without having to trek all the way across the country to do it.

Snowfield City came from Snowfield Stable, and it’s the Windfall of Hebra; it sees a LOT of people coming in and out of the region, and the view of the northern lights you can get from there? You’d be hard-pressed to find a Hylian that didn’t have it on their bucket list.

New Tabantha was built on the ruined spot of the original Tabantha Village; you can visit there in-game! It’s a quiet town that raises highland sheep for a living, and its team won the Hebran Triathlon three whole years in a row.

Then, the Tanagar Restricted Zone. If you’ve ever been there, you know EXACTLY why it’s restricted.

Most of the Guardians inside have been dealt with, but the ruined temple remains a hazard testing ground for new tech. It’s off limits to everyone but those with the HIGHEST clearance; I’m talking a direct letter from Zelda herself.

The Thyphlo Secret Camp is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s a place for Hyrulean lieutenants to meet for top-secret missions, and it’s one of those places that you need to be SERIOUSLY high rank to even KNOW about.

Over on the edge of Lanayru, we’ve got New Goponga, built where the old Goponga ruins are, and the Crenel Garrison. The Garrison was built to take care of the Lizalfos problems in the waterways, keeping it safe for Hylians and Zora travelers alike. Goponga, on the other hand, is what Lurelin was in game; nice, friendly, and centered around fishery.

In Necluda, we’ve got New Deya where old Deya was ruined (I think BotW Link was born in old Deya!), Watchtower Village built around the lakeside of the Dueling Peaks tower, and then Dueling Peaks City, a HUGE trade hub that was once the Dueling Peaks stable.

Kakariko Village is now a Town, Hateno has grown into a full blown trade harbor, and a tiny village has started to form around the Hateno Tower, making Firly Overlook.

But what I most love is the City of Hylanay.

Back in the game, it was the ruins of the Lanayru Promenade. So I had the promenade rebuilt, then people moved in around it, and now, Hylanay’s basically Hyrulean Venice! I want to visit it.

On the Great Plateau, we’ve got Aboda Town, named after Spirit Tracks’ Aboda Village in reference to the starting point in each game. This Town has access to the original Temple of Time, but because of the nature of the isolated plateau, it doesn’t see a lot of new faces often.

Over around Thundra, we’ve got Tanagar Village overlooking the canyon, built out of the old Tabantha Stable. The village actually builds downwards into the canyon; people have windows carved right out of the cliff face!

Thundra Village is built into the rocky slopes surrounding Thundra Plateau and the Ridgeland Tower. Their houses are built in the shelter of the giant mushroom things that grow so well in the area, and they’re famous for their signature dish of escargot.

The Serenne Exchange is up north, encompassing both the old Serenne Stable and the Maritta exchange ruins. You can buy practically ANYTHING there; if ever there was a supermarket in Hyrule, it would be right there.

The Royal Lab was rebuilt out of its ruins post Calamity, and it’s directed by Purah, who still hasn’t cured her immortality yet. It’s not uncommon to hear explosions as you pass by that place.

And then Camp Rutile is a small observational outpost, meant to keep track of the activity on Satori Mountain. Supposedly, the mountain’s health reflects the state of the rest of the kingdom, so the researchers assigned there are tasked with monitoring it EXTREMELY closely.

And Hyrule Castle. It’s Hyrule Castle.

Now completely bolted into the ground! :D

If we put all these locations together, we get a very nice, very well populated Hyrule, with LOTS to see. This is how I would design the future of BotW’s Hyrule.

Thanks for reading!