#yes middle names and everything
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Whoever i marry, beware, for if thous last name is way, our daughter will be named after an icon.
#ebony dark'ness dementia raven way#yes middle names and everything#my immortal#ebony dark'ness#harry potter#even dementia#^ dementia unironically is one of those words that if they didnt mean what they did itd be a cute name#like little baby dementia!#you can call her demi for short!!#ebony darkness dementia raven way#if her hair dare not be naturally ebony i shall pull a jojo siwas mom and dye her hair from the age of birth onwards#O O AND I CAN NICKNAME HER AFTER THE LOCKNESS MONSTERRRR!!!!#dear future husband#dear future wife#dear future spouse
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truly so funny to me that the awesome action heroes are constantly referring to each other by their real world names IN the movie (especially izzy, unsurprisingly, but like. paula literally name drops liv in front of all the sidewinders and NO ONE questions it. even in her intro sequence she mentions HERSELF to kochiusko. don’t even get me started on the hotel bar scene in ep2. usha the old lady from the store…) but they face zero consequences for this until brennan decides to make paula slam poetry her fake son back to life. five episodes in. absolutely insane i love this season so much
#wow reese nsbu posting… who could’ve guessed…#izzy/paula going ‘you knew frickin liv!’ in a desperate attempt to get the sidewinders to know who jack manhattan is has been looping in my#brain since i started my rewatch. yes this is bc of the comps im making but still#also liv says wendell’s name several times when they first meet up. in the middle of kingskin’s bar and everything#like truly dang and russell are the only ones who waited until they were alone to figure anything out#god. nsbu ep3 the deluxe royale you will always be famous?#no question mark. i’m too tired to retype that#and ep2 and that’s whirred up. i had the tags in a different order at first and that did make sense#anyway it’s 11pm but also like 6am so i am. gonna sleep now#dimension 20#d20#never stop blowing up#nsbu
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kind of unfortunate that so many fantasy epics are also war novels because i will be honest i just do not like war novels that much... the grand clashing of forces is compelling obviously but it requires characters to talk about so much practical battle strategy and while i can get my brain to comprehend all these fantasy maps and kingdoms and borders and battalions and front lines and army movements it takes up. so much space in the book. feels like i'm fighting a war of my own trying to get through it sometimes
#this is about the witcher books rn but also about book four of the inheritance cycle#roran is hot and i like seeing him with his hammer and his dedication and love for his wife!#also i am here for dragons and it is kind of a major tonal shift watching this man try to navigate becoming a military general!#like i'll learn all the names of the witcher kings and queens and learn where their provinces are and which towns are in which kingdom#and who borders what and where and how all those political machinations work. it's important to the plot.#damn it's a lot of names though#meve is the queen of lyria and rivia is in lyria. this much i know. because she is the only queen.#completely irrelevant information most of the time.#cintra is north of nilfgaard. nilfgaard is south of fucking everything.#cintra is like? middle of the map i think? there are other southern territories that got conquered by nilfgaard before cintra fell#other southern places. um. toussaint. i know this because this location is often referenced in fanfictions about aiden thewitcher#my favorite character that does not actually appear anywhere in canon aiden thewitcher#man i'm thinking about him again... fucking miss him... (<— guy who never met that guy to begin with)#anyway. what other witcher politics do i know. i can keep the wizard politics pretty clear in my mind.#total fucking lie i just realized i've been picturing stregobor instead of vilgefortz all through the last half of blood of elves#whateverrrrrrr i'll figure it out... this is why i can't pick things up this much later. i'm not restarting this reread though#other kings. suddenly all their names are gone. demawend? he is not very important rn i don't think.#vizimir. of. redania? perchance?#yes. because i think he's who dijkstra works for. and phillipa eilhart. i think that's the redania crew.#there's the king who is caught up in. incest. foltest. that's that guy's name. fuck if i know what kingdom. triss worked with him i think#oxenfurt is an independent city-state in my mind i don't think that's actually true though#just reread the story where geralt is delivering a message for the kings that border brokilon but could not tell you for the life of me#which kings and kingdoms those actually are. nor who ciri was supposed to marry there#anyway point is. man. War Novel#lord of the rings counts for this too btw. if i have to calculate the numbers for the armies it is a war novel to me#valentine notes#witcher reread
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ARCANE DAY
Episode 4 and 5 in the tags and:
SALO BEING A VIKTOS FOLLOWER??? CRAZY. ALSO BOTH VIKTOR MISSING JAYCE AJDHSKSJ also cait has kinda calmed down... and I am sure she misses vi so I KNOW this is going to happen to her soon.... we aren't getting much of her feelings yet... she's still too onto Jinx to catch up on where ambessa is going...
DID JAYCE JUST KILL SALO??? WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE
Also vander not recognizing vi at first until she gives up fighting.... incredible ALSO vander and silco being miners and vi wearing her gauntlets that were initially thought out for miners.... damn
This is my favourite episode so far....
Episode 6 here:
Sky really being there..... of course she is....
Ambessa training caitlyn.... of course thats her new daughter akdjskms Tunnels in your eyes.... GIRL!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT YOU DON'T NEED RIGHT NOW also the guy outside is a mage... ambessa is such a hypocrite
Vi and Jinx vs ambessa and cait.... this was always about class war don't get it twisted SINGED!!! TRAITOR!!!!
ARE THEY GOING TO SEE VIKTOR???? I looove how viktors touch on their faces leave "scars" so recognizable
Did isha just take the gem from vi's gauntlets??? Omg I wasn't expecting viktor to build a hippie commune to be honest omg he looks so good.... with the blonde underhairs.... and I do believe that's the same blanket....
And of course viktor knows who vander is.... nvm he diesnt know omg viktor asking for Powder.....
We are getting viktor horsegirl montage.... omg the vander momtage I can't..... omg they wanna stay.... singed is gonna fuck all this up NOOOOO 😭😭😭 they are already there I am going to kms
CAITLYN STOP THIS MADESSS!!! ✋️ CAITLYN!!!!! VI KILL THIS MAN!!! OMG CAITLYN...... mongoose... yeah.... and fuck you too.... CUPCAKE!!!! ABOUT TIME!!!! CAITLYN I SAID STOP THIS MADNESS WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!! And jayce too 😭😭😭 we're never making it out of the fissures
It's such a shame the spit on here won't work like on challengers.... one can only pray I guess
Jinx experiencing the "there's nothing more undoing as a daughter" moment.... incredible
"Your absence provided a vacuum I was able to fill" TO VI???? I KNEW THAT HAND HOLDING IN THE COMMANDER SCENE WAS SUS AKDHKASJ maddie exists and ambessa knows that and still.... it was not filling her mother's void...
YES CAITLYN!!! YES!!!!! VI is so hot I am distracted... ambessa was right.... now what the fuck will jayce fuck up??? Thats the question... NOT ANOTHER CHILD!!! jayce is a menace... the guys smiling at jayce are viktor... maybe the child even....
JINX KILL THAT MAN!!! NVM VANDER KILL THAT MAN!!! JAYCE YOU FUCKING MORON!!!!! JAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHEN I GET YOU JAAAYCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isha what are you going to do omg 😭😭 did she kill vander... another powder... my god another week...
That was such a good fucking episode too.... and caitlyn didn't go insane when finding Jinx that is a step forwards but viktor can't be dead... no fucking way... he was giving himself away for the people and he was going to finally die by saving vander and look at what we got... no wonder viktor hates his guts. Jayce you were so good in act one.... what happened..... alright. Christ.... another week....
#FUCKING MADDIE?????????????? NO FUCKING WAYYYYYYYYYY#fucking maddie??? yes she is fucking her. christ. jinx was right vi should have hit before all of that.... maddie bet her to it 😭😭😭#i have tears in my eyes aldjaodjsk no fucking way what the heeeeeeell ooooh my goooood nowaaayyaaayyyaaaayyyy#and cait looks so pretty....... she is still focused on jinx.....#omg isha..... jinx gave up jinx??? what...... ambessa is making hextech... so jayce is still missing.... well she is trying#and mel is still missing too.... christ and ekkos friend is sympathetic to jinx... mmhmhmmmmm also ambessa clocks everything aldjakaj#cait has calmed down.... what is happening... she is now only violent towards jinx i guess. ambessa is opening that wound over and over oof#THE MIDDLE FINGER AKDBAKSBKANSKA sevika is unifying the underground i knew it!!! yes!!!! jinx show up!!!!#cait paying homage to her mother while rictus beats up some guy.... her suffering meking her an enabler to those actions... yeah#oh no..... they know.... isha lighting the fire like jinx did.... sevika getting her arm cut... ISHA BEAT HIM UUUP!!! JINX!!!! omg singed..#enforcer vi becoming part of her hallucinations... its so over... also silco... jinx kill this man. not ambessa... omg jinx run....#she likes iiiit yeeeeahhhh.... ekkos friend... . and THE BROTHEL LADY... SHE KNOWS WHO SHE IS!!! SHE IS SO GLAD!!! WARWICK!! FUCK SHIT UP!!#OMG HE RECOGNIZES HER!!!!! HE SPEAKS!!!!! WHAT A FUCKING MASSACRE OUTSIDE BUT HE DOES RECOGNIZE HER!!!!#CALL VIIIII THROW A PARTY WE ARE A FOUR PEOPLE HOUSEHOLD NOW!!! FIVE WITH SEVIKA!!! COME ON AT LEAST TRY!!!#his eyes changing color... singed you are nothing compared to a fathers love... jinx complaining about not really having killed powder....#she didnt and vander recognises that.... amazing omg........#THE CAIT IN BED HALLUCINATION AND JINX THERE!!!! its so weird seeing them both like this.... jinx wanting to help him.... ofc...#THEY GOT VANDER???? also you know whats funny... the cape makes cait look like silco... it looks red even#why is singed based.... OMG MEL!!! HER BROTHER!!!!! OH MY GOD VIIII LOOKS SO GOOOD!!!! HER GAUNTLETS ARE PAINTED BLACK TOO AKDBAKS#bitch mittens (not even diy) damn vi she got you hard THE BITCH SLAP omg vi... your big sister duties...#singed actually venering vander.... do not help the opressor singed!! i just said you were based!!! IS MEL PREGNANT?!?!??!#she does enjoy her puzzles..... oh of course he is an hallucination.... the first time he appeared behind her....#silco and vanders old hq..... omg MORE DOOMED YAOI...... vander apologised but silco didn't read the letter 😭😭 as vi reaches for jinx omg#vi wearing her enforcer plaque without the plaque.... slay but why. no vander no loke he is a dog akdhaksj IS VANDER THEIR ACTUAL FATHER#NO FUCKING WAY A LOVE TRIANGLE AND EACH ONE GETS OME DAUGHTER AIDHOQSJOSAKL i need a fucking moment....#well its not vanders.... BUT THE SAME CUP AND STRAW FOR POWDER OMG!!! THE FATHERS THAT STEPPED UP!!!CONNEL GET RECKT!!!!#bedrock and blisters my fucking god. vander and silco wanting to build a better zaun for her daughters... AND JINX AND VI ARE GONNA MAKE IT#vander looking at the woman she likes whos hair is purple: ive always liked the name violet. im going to be sick!!!! my god!!!#MY GOOOOOD!!!!!!! VANDER HUGGING VI!!! THE SHOT OF HER OFFERING JINX TO JOIN WILL END MEE!!!!#watching arcane
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#having really good hearing and auditory processing issues and auditory hallucinations is fucking awful#like yes‚ i can hear your movie you're listening to upstairs. however if i put earplugs in I'll keep hearing my name or other sounds-#that aren't happening. and if it's a conversation and you go 'then tell me what we were talking about' i couldn't fucking tell you#I'm stuck in and auditory nightmare at all fucking times#it really doesn't help that people constantly echo the sentiment that those like me should suck it up or move out to the middle of nowhere-#with the money that we clearly must have‚ or frankly just kill ourselves#it's exhausting and my nerves are constantly fried which means being burnt out and overstimulated is worse making the hearing everything-#part worse.#what also doesn't help is that earplugs gave a tendency to make my balance worse‚ too#vent#me posting#tw mental health#you can comment but don't be a dick
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You best not be eating anything near a Bridgerton... Unbeknownst to you, you've just turned into their fantasy. Your hungry ass is hungry for food. While that Bridgerton is hungry for you.
#bridgerton#imma need those thirsty mofos to calm down a bit#as some (or none) of you know#I've only ever watched S2 (from the middle of E2)#all because my headphones died and my folks were watching the bloody thing and I had no choice#anthony was out there sniffing Kate's bloody air!#I'm a gentleman my ass#had lady danbury side eying him that one time she caught him sniffing#and thanks to the internet since y'all won't hush about it#i know all about the other yearnings#even mama Bridgerton be yearning over that guy#y'all need to chill#adaobi tumblrs#not my video before someone starts asking me jamb question#just found it funny#nah i won't be using all the ship tags#yes i know all their names 'cause y'all tell me everything without me asking#mwuahaha
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i was reviewing my draft count over my usual morning tea and tell me why does scaramouche have twice the fluff while wanderer has twice the angst.
total draft count for kabukimono is 102, it's a split for him and the remainder are scrapped. scaramouche has 116, a large majority of these are fluff while the remainder fall under sporadic genres. wanderer on the other hand has the least amount of drafts ( 86 ) due to me not writing much the past year, and seventy out of those eighty six drafts are .. well, angst.
“it's so endearing seeing him heal and appear a little happier.” i say while adding more turmoil on his shoulders. i can only imagine the look on his face www
#✦ㅤ⎯ㅤ ꒰͡⠀ ׅ a dove's musings. 𝆬⠀⠀͡꒱ ׂㅤ#obligatory net nomad screencap because i absolutely love that loser /lh#but yes .. whatever was i on; it was lethal enough to make wanderer's peaceful life mold into everything but peaceful in my fics#my condolences to my reader's for i can't afford your therapy expenses#what i didn't mention above is; most of the remaining drafts are character studies‚ design tidbits for other concepts‚ so on and so forth#so if i were to factor the drafts i've made for those additional concepts — scara and kabuki would have angst as their middle names www#and they'd be on equal ground to wanderer's angst count if not surpassing it by a draft or two
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going hey now what in the at this compressed playlist thumbnail like i Have seen this waitress promo image & the krampus is there fr
#i would not be surprised to find out she has baked in a professional capacity....she has that warmth#surprised anytime i've ever heard of anything like knowing vaguely abt waitress is one thing but then like & that pic i've seen? wadda#actually that otherwise my direct waitress exposure was that curtain call video from bway (re)opening? like show me nik dodani then#going like stop showing me whoever this is (sara bareilles) zoom out or look Over at our guy whose name they forgot to say? funny guy life#that livestream interview where they baked during it & he left in the middle to go get butter lmao. i forget Everything Else but hey#like idk who anyone is or what any shows are or who's been in them but then the [everyone's all over the place. but also not] happening#just a relief if you're not jumpscared by someone having been in billions. who was i looking up w/Surprise Production Pic like noooo#the end of that interview w/joe iconis where it was like Emojis Representing Shows (already difficult) but then no pressure like these are#shows any of your frequenters & accomplices have been in. & then when joe was like ''who do i know who was in that'' & it was aj shively#i was like Banana Kevin. is my reference there lmao. so often like my grasp of an iconis person is centrally some/an Xmas Xtrav role fr#& then from there like ah yes from my youtube cabaret videos. fighting to look up the other day like oh this specific show will mentions#in a deh vid; only i only found stuff abt a whole other production....guess Undergrad Work On (Others') New Musicals is bound to be so#early development that you're not liable to have coverage / documentation. & now to Really bring this around to a tangential close#just kicking my legs like how much do we owe john simpkins o7
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Actually what do I study if I am kind of a little bit a stem-girlie but also really definitely not. And I like psychology, religion, languages and linguistics, cultural anthropology/ethnography. Like maths (algebraic, bad at numbers), abhor statistics, like physics (but really bad at a lot of it), dislike chemistry, is okay with biology but not extremely passionate about it quite lukewarm really though medicine is my favorite aspect of it and i kind of like it. Well?
#is good with words but bad at reading due to concentration issues and really really bad with numbers and a lot of abstract things also#not rly interested in political science or economics#history never grabbed my attention that much#in that case i am more interested in pre-historic times#or ancient times too#from prehistoric to the neolithic revolution and then onwards until a few hundred years A.D#but then my interest wanes#oh i know its when christianity enters the story lol#ruining everything interesting in history and the cultures#im intersted in scandinavian history pre-christianity#and like every countrys individual history#i guess i like philosophy too its kind of my natural state existential crisis is my middle and last name#first wrote that i am good at thermodynamics and electricity for physics then was like oh yes i am good with nuclear/atomic physics too#then i was like Girl what in the world are you talking about. you are not. good at those things#and then realized oh high school physics probably does count#and that atmoic physics had a lot of math and thats why i got it#basically like the physics was so simple that it was just mathematics#like putting the atoms into a formula or whatever we did#oh it was my favorite though#but yeah. i am not. like. who the fuck do i think i am#(went to swedish version of high school specialized in natural science to clarify so idk if its just regular hs physics but still girl no)
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the owl house daemon au ends at a perfect place. it gives closure to everyone who's gotten a pov across the entire series and finishes with luz and mari, who are undoubtedly the main character of the entire series.
......but what if i wrote a future fic starring the collector going to hexside--
#chatter#and a grove of palistrom to you#LOOK. I JUST.#okay so a title came to me right. something like#'sraf firefly clawthorne's guide to being a good owl'#(also yes sraf uses firefly's name as his middle name <3 thats his mom)#and its a few years post-epilogue so luzmari n co are in college#king and sraf are going to hexside#and we get to see how everything has changed....and maybe even we get more sraf lore....#since another idea here is that basically sraf meets their siblings lol#and we see how much they really HAVE changed like the other archivists#fully do not see them as the same species anymore#(which does great things for sraf's self-image)#or even recognize them whatsoever#(which is a little bit less great)#AND IT IS A BAD IDEA. BC I HAVE A GOOD ENDING#but. b. but.#but consider that i love him :(
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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sorry oc that only has a last name and a nickname based on your last name, i literally cannot think of a first name for you
#everyone calls you ben anyways so does it matter much...#yes it does because i have a specific campfire scene where you tell your name to aurora and it's all gay and everything#alas#i should get back into writing#i vaguely wrote stuff in middle school#and i enjoyed it!#it just never seems to pan out though
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Thought it would be fun to share that for Christmas my bf got me a custom-made Xenoblade-concept-art puzzle and we're working on it together :)
#aside#xenoblade#is this concept art??? it's in the monado archives but i do know the story behind xc1's lack of/''retro-made'' concept art#either way it's one of my favorite pieces of video game art ever and it was very sweet of my bf to remember that and get this for me :)#the poses and composition are so goodddd and the art style!!! idk if there's a name for it but i LOVE it#it's like pseudo-watercolor-ish? but kind of not? i have no clue how to describe it lol#but some final fantasy art (especially everything from crystal chronicles!! my beloved) is in a similar medium/style and it's just lovely#also this puzzle is so freaking hard lmao it's 1000 pieces and 30% of them are just bluish white#about 40% of them are a jumbled mess of brown and/or gray lines and circles#and then aside from the few identifiable pieces (like their faces) the rest are just red.#so as you can see we've decided to start by doing the red ones haha#it's a fun challenge overall though haha#i can't wait to see what it looks like when it's all put together :)#also yes i know that disconnected spot in the bottom right totally looks like those edge pieces should fit together but they don't#trust me i tried. there's just a lost edge piece somewhere in the middle-piece pile and i desperately need to find it haha#also also fun fact: when i took the second pic my camera recognized Reyn's face as a face hahaha
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itis very funny i post so much abt myself but i dont actually post that much abt what goes on day to day . mainly bc there isnt much but like. u guys arent even aware of mine and lamps current music phase .. crazy
#well i thnnk ive mentioned it. were very jnto kpop atm weve been watching a lot of videos ive added like 30 new songs to my playlsit snd#theyre all kpop. its fun#we arent rly into any of the like . fandom part of it FNFNJF neither of us rly do fandom at all im reformed and lamp never rly has. but yes.#there r like 8 kpop songs on my on repeat atm which ik doesnt seem like a ton but its bc i tend to just listen to the same 3 songs on repeat#for days on end#currently villain by pixy is going platinum. and nobody knows by kiss of life is huge. and maria by hwasa and hip by mamamoo were big...#SOO yes. and theres many others...#we just watch those big comp videos and then grab whatever we like.and today we watched a lot of the dance practice videos bc theyre fun 2#watch#but ya. itis fun. its also fun bc like. obv since were watching like. fancomps we get to like peoplewatch kpoppies which is fun. except when#it isnt but then we just dont look at the comments#umm and today we played more stardeww we finally finished the first year in our save. i mentioned potato bix earlier its the deeply#controversial new farm layout#we only had 30 strawberry seeds from last year skullllll. so its very potato heavy hence the name#its like. i think. 2 6x13s + 2 21x3s. but the 21x3s have sprinklers#and then other assorted crops in the middle and then lamps got like a few up by their house but theyre all sprinkled#it does look like ass. and the profits Will not even be that good. BUT ! our fortunes will turn come blueberry day <- famous joke with me#and lamp. more common variation our fortunes will turn come cranberry day#i will say spring in sdv is like back to school like winter is for kicking it and playing around and then its spring and its like fuckk. we#have to do everything there is#but were almost done with all the bundles we have to get fuckass red cabbage so itll be fall b4 its done#weve got 2/3 apples just from the batcave so thats nice#and aside from that we need like 3 more gold parsnips and then a few animal goods. like i think we need 2 of 3. of large milk large goat#milk and duck egg. and we just got cows and a duck#nd thennnn well be getting the goat soon..#und then well prolly fully update the barn and coop#weve got most of our tools to gold except like. an ax and i think lamps pan needs another upgrade. weve even got the trashcans gold now#nd then eere gonna hold off on iridium bc 1 we dont have much 2 were sabing for sprinklers for when we get the greenhouse and 2 expensive.#itll have to wait for BLUEBERRY DAYYYY which willt ake a while#and then probably well just work on fully upgrading the house and all this.
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I just passed the artwork on the wall again.
For the 1000th time wondering why she looks like my daughter with glasses on.
I don't even have a daughter.
#I fucking swear to you I don't do this shit on purposr#maybe I really am that fucked#well if a bitch rises from the dead the dick is so delicious (Smh).....#see the problem is I actually have a conscience about things and I will project my own guilt#the name of the got hard performance said it all#the rest of the time it was what the fuck is this shit#and I wonder if there are actual people there or if it was just another gan#and with humanity .. it could be either one#although I am getting pretty close the saying the party won the hunan race and men lost#like sneaking that hot pic in on me I know what you were doing#btw that conversation where you gave that to me I hated but the pics were too good#I am like....I don't wanna send a pic .. but damn you're hot irl I know#I would like a count of how many times you said where are you located#and we will see how red your ass gets#I might make my own hand hurt for that little bit of I Love you but as your brother I am gonna make you pay#I want you to consider that#and also I will give you at least 4 orgasms for every spank too so *shrugs*#pleasure means pleasure pain means pleasure#yes I did get a case of tunnel vision#everything went a little fuzzy after that but I was awake already when I came to....your ass went night night#also I fully admit I qm ignorant yo your emotional games you do on people#ah but *I* (I am both proud because you can't do it to me...unless I want it) am your greatest challenge#at least remotely#in person I just wanna lick you like a quickly melting ice cream cone in the middle of summer#what the fuck was with my fingers in middle school#what the fuck was that shit#mutation effects certainly but only like teasing of what it was#I mean look I would go as far as I had to#uh....did they take either of you within the confines of nature and time? yes then I can get there fast if I REALLY have to#these are not pleasant experiences attached to my usage of my powers
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oh yeah addendum in also the other day seeing someone autistic talking in that context abt what they want from genuine relationships in that they said they don't want to be Admired Or Desired. that one time someone was like, you're one of the best people i know, like well neat compliment sure i'll take it lmao, but also, that's somewhat confusing and even disheartening when it's like, i have no way of knowing this; we don't really interact? or times i have to ""unilaterally"" assess that i don't feel Friends with someone b/c i don't feel like, for one thing, i can just up & message them even lol; the feeling that to whatever capacity there's a relationship, it's been continual "don't mess this up" masking / efforts to "do things Right" from me....whilest also times it's been like, oh someone's apparently choosing to be around me? enjoying interactions? while still kind of confused about it. and then it's like oh it was Romantic Interest apparently lol :( like even if i wasn't aromantic which i so am....where was the [there is anything to feel is genuine] like again we never even got to any part where i wasn't masking and [do things Right] and on edge and certainly not at whatever point i apparently had whatever appeal. much less "when cishet men are just sprinting straight at you" but that's all the more, like, [you as a Person are certainly irrelevant] but not like it doesn't still feel ultimately mostly irrelevant even if people have more discretion / a more considerate approach in general. also that again there would not be a Right way lmfao. it just sure could be a totally neutral expereince rather, please. how i've had too many situations having to try to fling myself out a window figuratively, even w/those theoretically more considerate approaches
or even when people will be talking about what makes someone Deserving outside of the most conservative(tm) approaches like. this person isn't someone who just waits for things to happen :) like well hell yeah for them lol, meanwhile, i sure kinda am. being aware that in any given way i may not impress anyone / may be negatively assessed; only turns into "there go my power levels increasing again. shrugmoji" when correspondingly it's like, and i don't have to care, or certainly then blame myself about it if like oh boy, society when you have to be "objectively" judged as Worthy by randos, whatever their perspectives lol....or when like, the concept of social support is like, get a romantic partner, primarily, an ounce of backup from friends, the Real backup being family, or friends "as good as" family....or the ongoing journey of realizing like; it was never Just gonna be managing to leave [abusive childhood/family house]. the ways that other experiences outside that were Consistent, really, when being around peers means an immediate sense of doing something wrong / not being as good as them; authority figure adults sometimes acting just like an abusive parent does; no ways to regularly exist flexibly and/or less supervised/monitored, e.g. couldn't walk from [home] to [anywhere]....catching on like, ah, outside of That Situation? i'm still not inherently more valued by randos, still not Not liable to be regarded/treated with disdain / expressions of authoritarianism....Aren't We All; for real. but truly like oh hey, i didn't even realize i was getting all this Political experience in that [when you have a one on one personal abuser and You're Responsible For How They Treat You and Their Own Power Is The Whole Thing and You'll Never "Earn" Better But It'll Always Be Your Fault You Haven't] and all those kinds of logics and realities it's like of course this resonates crystal clear with logics and realities re: [political enemies] lmao. ofc they can be as "hypocritical" as they want b/c [you can just say whatever while you do w/e you want and other people have to deal] is an expression of power. of course "for [xyz]'s own good; individually or as a group" is really about ensuring the power to control their existences as property by shrinking the space in which someone can enact autonomous choices: anything For Children is about (conservative) parents controlling children as things they own and can do whatever they want with; like making sure kids Can't be gay or sm shit, it Is about children, just keeping them from being able to exist outside the sphere of control of an isolated Family life. hell yeah when they do anyways / tragically it always turns out people are actually people despite your wanting to disbelieve this / always have the power to ignore it..........but then yknow, the truth is we out here, and ofc it's like [police protect Property; enforce these property/owner relations] but what's Normal yet obviously harmful is also so borne by regular ordinary """harmless""" interpersonal interactions / people who feel supposedly well-intended but that's more superficial than in essence....even merely the Exhaustion in knowing interactions as Just chitchat w/supposedly amicable parties is like, a scrutinizing test that can only go wrong and lead to antagonism / animosity that can easily accumulate &/or compound. much less existence In Public and shit going wrong out of nowhere, and potential stakes....being like Lol at, again, years back thinking like "a horror short should be like, the premise that you might just be at a grocery or some ordinary asf situation but at any given moment, doing Nothing extraordinary, some rando suddenly goes Deeply Hostile Mode for a second. where even then suddenly disengaging from that mode is not a relief in that the [this could happen at any time] is emphasized" like lmfao that's [being in an abusive situation], that's [being autistic], isn't it so Zany that there's so much overlap / resonance.
Not At All being Lol abt how much actual discrete examples of produced horror is just like "what if there was disabled people." this is its own line b/c of the characters per block limit. but also disdainful emphasis
anyways lol wuh oh in conclusion, antifascism....isn't it always
#celebrating the true meaning of that autism acceptance month...and every other thing#gather round the disability justice [holiday tradition] children; who are people to be supported & not property granted to parents....#just excising things lol been marinating on [more nonspeaking than i thought; even more nonverbal probably] & [more ''uh oh an autistic#person doesn't want friends? proves they bring it upon themselves'' than i thought] all based on All Life Experience#explaining like; more like Ultraromantic but in the way that [prefix Ultra] means Beyond rather than Superlative Of / Extremely X lol#ultraviolet light is not [as violet as you could get]....don't think it'd catch on. and: when it isn't not political lol#thinking of ''hell yes though for straightup Object/Concept names'' tendencies & like dramatic words for last names? v gay v trans#even [milo] was just a name i always knew i loved so that's been very simple & straightforward. but beyond that? how about Beyond that#thinking of ''what if a word that sounds cool and is a neat meaning'' like middle name kilopascal?? why not. but not set on that one lol#been testing out / placeholding Burrows for a last name cuz a milo burrows is mentioned in lotr. doesn't promptly answer letters lol.#me neither. but hmm B for Beyond. beyond what? it's flexible#testing it out in my mind. i'd be lastnameless fine as well but sometimes; it's convenient. specifying which milo in broader contexts#Public Universal Friend; Thou Sayest It shit#anyways Everything's Political let's get you some fruit#breathing's political as they say; for real. being in public. being in private. exchanges w/a rando. exchanges w/a nonrando.
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