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aphverse-confessions · 6 months ago

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hello hey, self-proclaimed favourite anon tossing my hat about Jesson. I wanna take a crack at how people talk about Jesson because it's infuriating to see people be total extreme polars between the two. People think Jessica is an irredeemable monster, or they think Jessica gets way too much flack from her audience without understanding/acknowledging the questionable stuff.

REALLY HUGE DISCLAIMER HERE!!! I don't want this to be condoning the idea that people should be held accountable for 5+ year old behaviour. People can and will absolutely change, we shouldn't deny that people can change for the better and learn from their mistakes. Jess herself is capable of growth: she changed Kawaii~Chan's name to an actual name, Nana Ashida, actually gave a backstory to Nana and completely dropped Nana's weebish way of addressing people and dropped Kawaii~Chan as a name entirely. Give people credit where credit's due, treat people with grace and empathy.This entire confession is just my personal reflection on the Jesson debacle, just sorting out my own feelings about the two and trying to find a middle ground between the two extremes of hating Jesson and defending Jesson.

Speaking generally and not just in regards to Aphblr, a lot of people seem to completely completely blame Jess for everything wrong with the series and. Like, I don't think thats fair at all to Jess because it was Jason also contributing and helping out with the stories. We don't know who did what and quite frankly Jason did had an influence on the writing on the series so people shouldn't just scapegoat Jess.

Jess had self inserts, Jess was cringe, Jess butchered the love triangle are criticisms I saw during Youtube, Wattpad, etc during Jesson's hayday and some of these criticism's still persist. Which like... guys, Jess being cringey and self inserting into her stories isn't the most pressing issue you think it is, I'd LOVE to make mad dough self inserting and roleplaying with a harem of hot bishonen boys. I'm gonna be blunt, a very fair share of criticism towards Jess was quite misogynistic and I'm not going to deny that. Back in 2016-2019 people were awful and bashed her for the aforementioned which... ew. Hell!!! I even see some of this misogyny to current day on Youtube!!! Which . Fucking Sucks.

If you're gonna give Jess flack, give Jason flack. If you're gonna call Jess cringe and dumb for self inserting onto a cute perfect anime girl with her boy harem, call Jason 2x amount of that cringe for self inserting onto an edgy werewolf alpha + getting jealous over minecraft cubes. It takes two to tango and Jason definitely had a hand with how the series were written.

Something honestly more important to mention that people cite Jesson's badly written stories as a moral failing instead of actually criticizing the contents within the stories when portraying certain topics*** (put a pin in this, we will come back to this class). Like, people were putting more effort in dragging Jess about the bad writing of MCD and MyStreet with the love triangle + Aarmau, than actual problems with the portrayal of sensitive issues such as racism.

However, in spite of my defense of Jess, I'm gonna be blunt. There were a lot of fucking problems here, Scoob!!! Like. Actual problems with both Jessica and Jason as people that people sometimes overlook due to the more pettier criticisms/complaints. Yes, Jess was a victim of Internet's misogyny and that's 100% valid to acknowledge that, however I feel it's a disservice to handwave and not acknowledge the actual problems Jess had. Jess being a victim of misogyny and Jess doing bad shit are two statements that can co-exist.

Jesson being pariah-ed out of their own fandom isn't exactly undeserved considering all of the legitimate issues there were with the duo (not just Jess herself). It's not a 'hate-train' to not like Jesson or to still be discomforted by their previous behaviour because yeah. It. Was bad. Because we do point-proof-analysis round these parts bitches™, I will provide proof where I can.

To list the issues with Jesson off of the top of my head in no specific order: - Jess absolutely fetishized mlm on multiple occasions. Admitting she's Septiplier trash and fetishizing two real men's friendship when Jess was a 23 year old woman: (https://tinyurl.com/aph-confess) / (https://tinyurl.com/aph-septi-vid-react) - Adding onto the previous point, Jason 'Fans-shipping-my-wife's-Self-Insert-with-other-fictional-men-is-'whoring'-her-out' Bravura even admitted Jess's queerbaiting (https://tinyurl.com/jason-admits-the-queerbaiting) - Jason Bravura as a whole person: from his extremely possessive attitude towards the fanbase when it came to ships (https://tinyurl.com/jason-temper-tantrum), from how he absolutely fought with his tweenage fanbase back in 2016-2018-ish, him being really aggressive online in general, him having a horrible influence on the writing - Apparently Jason was responsible for the Ein-Aphmau incest??? I have no source for this, but would not be shocked if this was the case. - *** Romanticizing grooming/creepy as fuck age-gaps thru Aarmau and Gene PDH. I blame Jason for him being an alleged freak (going off of Jess's Draw my Life). Throw the whole man into the rancor pit at this point - *** The horribly done racism subplots of MCD and MyStreet. Oh my fucking god. I already went into this on my initial confession with Kip and Zoey+Aph being racist to him, the cutesy microaggressions. I already discussed about it in depth, here's the link to read more about it -> (https://tinyurl.com/confession-about-racism)

Jess using mlm to queerbait fans and fetishizing two REAL people as a grown ass woman was shitty, Jason is an entire cesspool of a person and was shitty. The horrible, tone-deaf messaging and portrayal of racism being so prominent throughout MCD/MyStreet was shitty. These problems don't suddenly stop being issues just because people raising petty points about Jesson.

Like there were a ton of problems with Jesson as people/content creators, it's not fair to just dismiss all of the listed as totally petty fandom wank. I feel like in modern day, it's a fair compromise to celebrate the media that they made without falling into praising them as people just because they made a cool Thang™. We can enjoy the stories they made without having to totally enjoy the people behind them. With my previous confessions, it sparked some healthy discussion within Aphblr and I hope this confession will raise some healthy discussion about Jesson as a whole where people can find a middle ground between totally loving/hating Jesson. This was a wholeass essay, so here's a shrimp as a reward 🦐

#aphmau confessions #aphmau #aphblr #aphverse #I agree with this #the Jesson debacle is a complex issue that includes a lot of misogyny directed at Jess #whilst simultaneously ignoring Jess's actual problematic behavior #but I don't think enough ppl are going to thoroughly read through this ask #but it's long enough it gives the proper nuance to the issue that countless confessions have tried to articulate before #jesson tag

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garcargofarfar · 10 months ago

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Rewriting Ein (Part 1)

I've previously made an analysis on Ein as a character, so here we go at my attempt on rewriting him.

I'm not trying to perfect him or fix any flaws because I think Jess did a way better job at executing him as a character. This is more so my take on Ein and if Ein wasn't Ein, this is how I'd write Ein. I call dibs on this.

It's not really about Ein as a character, it's about the characters around him. We never got the time to explore him any deeper other than the backstory we were given when he was briefly introduced as 'from the Western wolftribe'

I'd wanna introduce two new characters, name not relevant it's only the role that matters. But for the sake of making things easy and making this self-insert-ish, I've named them Erielle and Arya. Because sure.

Erielle would be Ein's little sister. A simple raven haired human. Yes, human. We've established (at least from Aaron) that Ein takes pride most in his ears and tail. So what would that mean for him if he had a human for a sister?

I imagine Erielle not being able to fit in with Ein and his friends if she were human. It would make Ein overprotective of her and explain his obsession over his ears and tails. He'll soon realise being a werewolf gives him power and acceptance. He'll either take pride in being a wolf to protect Erielle, or take pride in being superior to Erielle. Which one? You decide, but I prefer the first one.

Second oc I'd introduce is a crush from the Western wolf tribe, Arya. Again, the name doesn't matter but I made it begin with a because I'd like her to be an Aphmau lookalike. Like practically identical to Aphmau but instead of Aph's hazel-brown-orange-ish eyes(her eyes are orange right-??), I'd imagine Arya to have blue eyes. This could be a nice factor to contribute to Ein liking blue. I'm aware you don't need a reason to like a certain colour, but it seems like a nice little touch to his character and gives us more knowledge of Ein both on the out and in.

EIN ANALYSIS | EIN REWRITE PART 2

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lazyjellyfishcreation · 4 months ago

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The boys should have scars

people have talked about this before, about how Dean and Sam should have scars from all their hunting. But i wanna see more of how it affects them. Buckle in this is a long one: Take Dean for example. Imagine baby Dean, maybe 13 years old, coming back from a hunt with his dad with a gash on his arm. It hurts and it stings like he's never felt before, but he doesn't let himself cry. (Boy's don't cry, dad had told him) That is the first one of his injuries that scars. The first physical mark that he's in this forever, and that he can't get out of this life anymore. Dad said he should never be ashamed of his scars, it meant you lived. A few years later, Sam gets his first scar when he's around the same age as Dean, and Dean freaks the fuck out. Because this means Sammy can't go back either. It means that Sammy is also stuck in this life and there's nothing Dean can do to protect him from it. And every new, red, scabbing scar on Sam's body is just a new testament of all the ways Dean failed his baby brother. By the time Sam goes to collage, he is covered in them. Arms, torso, back, legs. He can't stand it. He's scarred and ugly and a monster.

He's no virgin, but he never had one night stands like his brother did. To him it wasn't worth it. It's not worth trying to keep the girl from looking the the gnarled and marred skin instead of looking at him. It confuses Jess a great deal when they start dating. She is used to boys his age trying to jump her bones and then see if he wants a relationship after, not the other way around. Sam makes excuses for it, but she can smell the half lies in his words. Whenever things do go further then kissing, Sam keeps his shirt on and the lights off, or he gets her off without undressing himself.

It takes her no less then 6 months before she gets to see him shirtless.

Sam sits her down and tells her that what's under his flannels and shirts isn't pretty. She's confused. She's felt the muscles there, he's built like a Greek god. Hell, she's seen him when he gave her his flannel in the rain and his own thin shirt got so soaked he might as well have been naked in front of her.

It does not prepare her.

He's so scared when he finally stands up and pulls his top off. He's never been *scared* before to show himself to anyone. Self conscious, yes, but scared?

But this is Jess. He loves her. He loves her more then he ever thought himself capable of loving someone. He's so scared that his scars will turn her off. That she will think of him as broken or ugly or too much of a monster to be loved.

She doesn't.

She just hugs him and holds him and puts him on the couch and kisses every single silver mark on his body. From the large ones on his chest he got from a werewolf to a small one on the heel of his palm, where he had accidentally cut himself with a new pocket knife.

They don't have sex that night, but he cries in her arms and she doesn't call him a coward for it. She just holds him and asks if he wants to talk about it.

He does. He can't. He knows that he can't. So he lies and says no.

But it's okay, because Jess has seen them now. She has seen him. And she loves him just as much as he loves her. And then she dies. She dies and now there is nobody to trace and kiss and touch every imperfection of his skin like he's still precious. There is nobody there to tell him that he is scarred but so so beautiful. Sure, both Dean and Dad told him never to feel bad about his scars, he's told them the same thing about theirs, but neither of them never called their scars beautiful.

He avoids mirrors now. He flicks the lights off when he showers to he doesn't have to see himself. He is ugly, and there is nobody in the world that can convince him otherwise.

(It gets worse after the cage. Maybe nobody can see it, but Sam can feel Lucifer's hands on him. He can feel his touch and he can see the scars and it's worse. It's so much worse, because Sam is dirty now. He's dirty and filthy and he'll never be clean again)

It takes a long long time before he lets anyone see him shirtless again other then his direct family. (Until Eilleen, she understands. She has the same ones.) But that's not the bad bit. The bad bit is when Dean comes out of the shower shirtless. (not strange, they lived in motels their entire lives, privacy was sparse to say the least)

And there are so many scars that he doesn't know the stories behind. He used to know every single scar on his brothers body, and Dean knew all of Sam's, because they were the only ones to stitch each other up, and if not that, it was Dad and they would be in the room watching, and listening to the tales. Not anymore.

3 years. It's been 3 years and it's like looking at the body of a stranger. Sam looks at his brother and all he can see is the injuries he could have stopped from happening if only he had stayed. But he hadn't stayed, and now Dean had to point out all the scars that Sam wasn't there for.

Dean has never been self conscious about his scars. They're part of the job, nothing to worry about. It doesn't make him ugly (it makes him weak. Weak weak weak) And so he doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He doesn't-

Dean has always been a good liar.

He likes his hookups. Of course he does. He's a handsome, well built young man with a dangerous job and lots of adrenaline in his veins at any given point in time. The girls who's places he goes back to always tug on his shirt first.

It's flattering.

He turns the lights off before he lets them undress him.

He pins their hands over their heads when they fuck so they don't slide their hands up his torso and feel the ridges.

He leaves before the sun lights up the room.

After all, nothing is a worse turnoff then a girl who is interested in him recoiling when he takes off his shirt. When they like him more for the broken parts of him it's worse.

it's like a set of rules he made for himself. He doesn't keep his rules with Cas. Cas is his friend, nothing more. And then he becomes more, and he stops taking his shirt off, and Castiel is so confused. Dean is not prude. Especially not with his romantic partners.

Sam ends up telling him. Now that they are romantically involved, Dean doesn't want Cas to see his ugly scars anymore. Cas is still confused. Dean's scars are human. Castiel is an angel, and therefore everything human is beautiful to him. Dean does not cry when Cas tells him that. He does not.

No thoughts, just they boys and their scars.

#sam winchester #dean winchester #destiel #casdean #deancas #the winchester brothers #I swear if any of you fucks tag this winchest imma kill someone #scars #tw:scars #the cage #cage trauma #jessica moore

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koskela-knights · 5 months ago

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Night Springs DLC ramblings

Spoilers under the cut. And since this is a Koskela/Huotari main blog, my focus will be mainly related to these boys in relation to the DLC content.

Alright, my friends already confirmed it and I just watched all NS DLC chapters on YouTube becos I didn't wanna miss out lol, but yeah there's just no mention or appearances from the Koskelas and who was I to think they'd touch upon the Huotaris if even Ilmari is already forgotten and left out in most media surrounding AW2 😔

But yanno, it just irks me how erased the Koskelas seem to be.

Like yes, Night Springs gives us a look into alternate realities/universes/versions and you're telling me we only looked into worlds where the Koskelas (and in extension the Huotaris) just never existed. At all????

So in this post I'll look at what I've seen and how I might've made the boys a bit more relevant/have them make a lil cameo.

Rose's Chapter

In Rose's chapter, Scratch is wearing a biker jacket but it lacks the Kalevala Knights text on the back so I guess the KK didn't exist here..

I love that Rose wasn't interested in Scratch's biker look or the werewolf thing at all lmao. She's more vanilla than I thought xD

Funny how they went with the 'they're twin brothers' but now it's for Scratch and Alan lol. Even the twin thing the Koskelas had going for them, now attributed to other characters instead.

There was also someone at the Diner in a biker jacket. But again, a different design.

How I'd add them back in:

The Koskelas could've been NPCs at the Diner at the beginning. Or the ones out on the street, just outside the Diner

The NPC in the biker jacket could've worn a Kalevala jacket

Additionally, I think it would've been fun to see the Valhalla residents as NPCs at the Diner.

If we had more named characters as NPCs, I think this chapter could've felt even more personal. Now I felt a bit of a disconnection/detachment from Rose vs the other characters outside of Scratch. Like, yes this was sort of her fanfic/dream world but wouldn't it feel more effective/real if the people cheering her on were like the Anderson brothers, the Valhalla residents. The people you've already met in the main game that had somewhat of a personality? Becos now you might as well have used the shadow people characters at the Diner.

Tim's Chapter

In Tim's chapter we don't see anything either. Don't get me wrong, I liked his chapter too. It was wild and I'm glad to see Door play a bigger role here. The comic section was well done, rly liked its aesthetics and I liked how they tried to mix up the game as a medium. I think this chapter didn't irk me as much, given the context of it.

How I'd add them back in:

There's a Seine poster in the Oceanview Hotel and the tiniest bit they could've done is add Ilmari Huotari again in the credits. you wouldn't even have to put his face on the poster T_T

Jesse's Chapter

My biggest hopes were for Jesse's chapter. It has literally Coffee World as its setting. But again... Literally nothing, no mention in text or as a 3D character.

@zephyrone01 pointed out to me that despite all the other changes, Coffee World remains mainly the same. Even the attractions still have the same names. BUT! The Huotari Well no longer exists as an attraction. There's a well. But well, it's just that lmao.

So what's the point of CW even existing here other than being a little call-back/connection to the main game's universe? Coffee World was clearly a project of the Koskelas but they're nowhere to be seen or mentioned. Instead, we have a vague, faceless shady government (perhaps the Board?) wanting to take over through coffee indoctrination.

Of all the DLC chapters, it would make the most sense to have the Koskelas be present or at least acknowledged/mentioned in Jesse's chapter. And like... if they couldn't get Peter back to voice/mocap them, it could've been a note, or they could've used a distorted voice to highlight how they got corrupted by the coffee or something. But instead, it's Tim who gets suddenly corrupted by the coffee? Was it mainly to tie Jesse's chapter into Tim's? Also, it seems Tim's animations when he tries to convince Jesse to drink the coffee, seem to be copy-pasted from Ilmo's Deer Fest animation that is bugged and not easily triggered at all in the vanilla game/average run 😭 Tim never has been that vivid or animated in the base game, but you know who was? Ilmo Koskela.

The 'Cult' stashes & the math puzzles no longer make narratively sense other than being mechanics/little obstacles to be solved. Again, Ilmo was the 'mastermind' behind those math puzzles and the stashes were there for Cult members. What purpose do they serve now other than functioning as conveniently placed ammo stock for the player?

I feel Jesse's chapter had some potential and maybe even 'easy' ways to keep the Koskelas related to, yanno their amusement park.

So how I'd add them back in and make this chapter feel more connected to the other universes and the main game:

The Koskelas could've been the ones to get corrupted first and through them, others would easily follow

As @zephyrone01 and @copiasmicalso discussed with me, it would've been more logical to meet a corrupted Ilmo instead of Tim. It was he and Jaakko who marketed that coffee brand and Coffee World to begin with. Why not tie them into this chapter?

The Koskelas could've done that orientation video as pawns of the shady government. Maybe even in a similar vein to the Book Review ad with a clearly influenced/partially corrupted Ilmo.

There could've been some kind of connection to Jesse looking for Dylan and Ilmo looking to bring Jaakko back or looking for his brother or something. It would given us more narrative parallels! A sibling looking for their other half that got corrupted/influenced by a shady government

Make a different amusement park (one tied to the fishery or lumber industry but I suppose that would've taken much more time to make ofc)

The utter lack of the Koskelas makes me revise/question what their purpose in the main game was for then? Were they really that insignificant and immemorable to serve no extra mention in the other universes to the point CW is seemingly owned by a government and the Huotari's also have no historical purpose or importance anymore.

Like, their Cult of the Tree killings are what led Saga to investigate BF & Watery in the first place.

I'd dare to argue that the erasure of the Koskela brothers' existence in the Jesse chapter made the stakes feel lower and possible connections and parallels to the main game less powerful and interesting than they could've been. Plus it would've make more sense to still have Coffee World exist at all becos imo without Koskelas, there would Not have been a Coffee World to begin with.

In general

I like the DLCs for what they are and that they tried to do things differently or highly different from the main game. Alternate realities/universes always give us the opportunity to go off the main path and come up with different interesting stories and theories.

I do think that using generic NPCs most of the time also made the stories blander than they could've been.

The way the Koskelas' existence was all ripped away and sorta re-assigned to other characters

the twin brother thing now being Alan & Scratch

We never got the Actual Bikers get an animation on/with their bikes, but Scratch now gets one 😔

the Kalevala Knights' existence erased too

Tim in Jesse's DLC having the same animations as Deer Fest Ilmo

Coffee World literally not being their thing anymore but somehow still existing (rly why would the shady government even make a Coffee-themed amusement park)

TLDR

Saddened and equally not surprised that the Koskelas (and Huotari's) are just erased from the narrative in the DLC. Like their characters aren't even an afterthought anymore or relevant enough. All these wild different universes and they're part of exactly zero somehow.

The CW thing somehow remains unaltered for a few parts but taking the Koskelas' og involvement in that park into account, it makes no real sense to the state it is in, in the DLC.

I think their erasure (and the non-usage of other more known characters from the main game) made some parts feel less vivid/real.

#my ramblings #rant #my posts #night springs dlc #night springs spoilers #alan wake 2 #koskela brothers #being a koskela fan can be so tedious lmao #my meta

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autism-purgatory · 6 months ago

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hello hello hello....

hypothetically, where may I read sneak peeks of Fluff & Tendrils?

also hypothetically. may I get a lore dump. if that's possible. because I Want To Understand this creation of yours. it looks bloody fantastic so far & I'd adore more information

I might put in on AO3, and I’ll happily put a snippet here!

“Oh, and let me know if you dissect a fellow organic! I haven’t gotten to do that in centuries!” Zur yelled from the car. Jesse cringed and gave a subtle thumbs up, then bolted into school before his embarrassment sunk in further. He shuffled his way through the cluttered halls. He recognized patterns in the crowds even with their diverse clothes or complexion, yet none truly felt like him. Everyone was so similar yet so distant to the point of him sticking out. He shoved his thoughts away once he entered his classroom. His desk was at the left end against the windows. The morning mix of orange and yellow spilled onto it and the desks near him. After dropping his backpack next to his seat, he sat and slouched into his hoodie. He relished in the warmth and feeling of wool against his skin. His stimulation was interrupted by the buzz of his phone. “New kid new kid new kid new kid. He’s approaching your class now.” A text from Hannah read. Jesse sighed, “So? What’s so special about this one?” He responded. “Idk. There’s something off about him. Not bad, just kinda weird, like you.” “Thanks?? I’ll believe it when I see it.” He replied, taken aback by her bluntness. By the time he put his phone away, the class had settled and prepared the low-quality TekBooks from under their desks. Jesse did the same. Mr. Wren came in soon after. “Alright, students, before we begin, we have a new student. Please introduce yourself,” he said in his dry, deadpan voice. The new kid slowly entered, and Jesse felt like he was struck by lightning. He was already lost in their tan complexion. The student scratched their stark black, curly hair before speaking. “Hey everyone! I, um…My name’s August!” Most of the class was silent. August nervously chuckled and sat at his desk, which was at the very back. Some classmates gently waved or muttered “Hi, August.”

Fluff & Tendrils is about Jesse, an outcast autistic kid with divorced parents, and he ALSO recently realized he’s gay. Did I also mention his dad is the ruler of the 4th dimension, named Zur’Guran? Yeah he had a child with a human, seeing it as an alliance with the corporeal realm. Jesse’s mom is a lawyer and Zur went “ah yes the perfect person, surely this will strengthen my ties to all earthlings”

Zur has only recently re-entered Jesse’s life, when he’s a junior in high school. It doesn’t make him feel any less othered by everyone, and he also doesn’t want his dad to find out he’s been practicing eldritch spellcasting while he’s been away. Jesse only has two other friends (one is secretly undead), but this all changes when a kid named August recently moves into town (and it turns out he’s a werewolf)

anyways lore dump!

There’s stuff like Aliens, eldritch horrors, werewolves, vampires, cryptids, ghosts, undead, the works. All have some connection to the lovecraftian. It’s usually because someone or a group of people pissed off the 4th dimension gods and got cursed. Vampirism is an alien parasite that integrates itself into your bloodstream, altering your dna bit by bit. It can’t be inherited by birth, rather, you have to infect someone by injecting a bit of the parasite via your fangs. There are dozens of strains of vampirism, but the “main” one originates from Eastern Europe sometime in the 15th century. Same applies to werewolves, except the “main” strain originates from Mycenaean Greece. There’s also a butt ton of different monsters based on the region. Also the main aliens are called the Cru’zra, who got their homeworld eaten by a 4th dimension god and are responsible for the vampirism parasite. There’s plenty of other aliens who come to earth, hiding among the masses. Also eldritch magic exists and can be taught via Skin Grimoires, which can be used to summon plenty of spooky entities or cast certain spells, but you’ll be disintegrated unless you’ve bound yourself to a 4th dimension god or (by some miracle) are related to one like Jesse.

August has the “main” strain of lycanthropy, and its symptoms are 10x worse if you’re going through puberty such as excessive body hair growth and inconsistent distribution of testosterone (this applies to all werewolves not just male ones). Also they look more and more wolf-like depending on the moon phase. They only look like a full blown werewolf on the full moon. August gets it from his mother who immigrated from Greece.

thank you for asking and for letting me infodump :D

#fluff & tendrils #ask #wip rambles #writing #writeblr

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gabriestat · 28 days ago

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i remember seeing a while ago this great samdean edit to 'did you love her? have you ever loved anything?' yes. yes. all the wrong things.' and it was like did you love her? (jess) yes (the werewolf lady, maybe?), yes (ruby), all the wrong things (dean). months later i realize now that it is a quote from the winter prince. crazy...

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yakumtsaki · 2 years ago

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Boy do I feel iVan when it comes to this wolfwatching crap, I am OVER IT. I actually went back and checked how long it’s been that I’ve been trying to turn Jojo into a werewolf and it turns out I STARTED IN 2018. It’s literally been two Olympics, absolutely pathetic. Ok Jojo you are 200yo at this point, I really think it’s time for us to give this up and let you die with dignity.

-I’ve never done anything with dignity and I’m not about to start now!

Meanwhile, being disinherited in favor of her wife has reignited the passion in Shajar’s heart.

-Oh darling, I can’t believe you already have a new diabolical plan! It was only last night that you stole my inheritance! You’re a genius!🖤

-Don’t I know it!

Sophie can you just chill with your 20 top-careered pets, your massive lawyer pension, and all of Jojo’s money? What more could you possibly want??

-Oh I’ll tell you what I want, I want Sugar out of here!

Aw come on, he’s not that bad!

-He killed Sandy!

You hated Sandy! You literally danced on her grave!

-Ya that’s not it, she thinks with Sugar here Sophito’s heirship is disputed.

-SHAJAR YOU GODDAMN IDIOT DON’T TELL HER THAT

OMG SOPHIE WHO CARES

-I CARE. Now fuck outta here so we can have geriatric relations in our front yard!

-Listen, honey-

-You’ve never called me ‘honey’ before.

-Yes I have, I’m a very affectionate mother.

-No, I mean you LITERALLY have never in my life called-

-LISTEN HERE, BRAT. There, was that better?? Now, you know how much I love your cousin Sugar-

-Don’t you always say Aunt Cyn should have kept the placenta instead of him?

-Well the placenta is very nutritious. As I was saying, even though I love having Sugar around, I think the best thing for him is to leave and make a life for himself.

-Yes, I completely agree, that boy is a liability!

-Grandpa, where did you come from?

-From another room, I definitely wasn’t hiding behind the fridge.

-Won’t Sugar have a hard time living alone?

-He should have thought of that before he destroyed his marriage!

-Didn’t you have an affair with Max Flexor?

-Yes but I wasn’t stupid enough to get caught!

-I don’t know guys, I feel like you two have another agenda.

-Us?? An agenda???

-HAHAHA oh son, you are funny! It will be a cold day in Hell when your grandpa and I are not completely honest and selfless!

-Hey guys, did you tell him about kicking Sugar out on his ass yet?

-GET OUT OF HERE, SHAJAR

-So Mom and Grandpa want me to kick out Sugar.

-What? And who will change the baby’s diapers?? iVan who’s having a mental breakdown???

-𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙶𝙸𝚁𝙻𝚂 𝚂𝙰𝚈 𝙸'𝙼 𝙿𝚁𝙴𝚃𝚃𝚈 𝙵𝙻𝚈 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙰𝙽 𝙰𝙸🎵

Ngl, I am starting to feel living in our crypt might not be the best lifepath for Sugar. I mean he doesn’t even have a roommate after, you know, he killed Sandy. Ok Sugar, I’m gonna give you one more chance at a family..

..it’s over for you, Matthew Picaso! That’s what you get for pissing me off that time Sophito kept asking you out.

-JESSICA HOW COULD CHEAT ON ME WITH THIS FREAKSHOW

-I COULDNT HELP IT MATTHEW, WE HAVE THE SAME FACE TEMPLATE. IT WAS FATE

-Jess, I know this is fast as you got divorced 2 hours ago, but when you know, you know! Marry me and let’s fill this neighborhood with our face template!

-Oh Sugar, of course I will!

-It’s happening. It’s finally happening. I’M SO HAPPY

Ok Jojo calm down.

-I CAN’T.

I gave Jess a nice gothic makeover and moved them into this beautiful Victorian house I of course didn’t build-

-and it’s wedding time!

-OH GOD THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE

We adopted a bunch of pets from Wulf..

..and even Claire (who has a hot new look and a great life which I will cover in the next spare update) shockingly agreed to come over and let bygones be bygones, guaranteeing a more normal co-parenting situation than Sugar barging in her house to beat up Wilfred. Magnanimous queen!

-I’m literally too rich and successful to hold grudges, getting divorced from Sugar was the best thing to ever happen to me!

LOL. Well point is everything was going well-

-AND THEN SUGAR TRIED TO HAVE ANOTHER AUTONOMOUS AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE HE BROUGHT HOME FROM WORK. SUGAR WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM. WHO DOES THIS IN FRONT OF THEIR WIFE, THAT COWORKER DOESNT EVEN LIKE YOU

-I DON’T CARE. I’M NOT MADE FOR MARRIAGE I CAN’T DO IT

HOLY HELL

-GET OUT OF HERE ASSHOLE I CAN’T BELIEVE I RUINED MY MARRIAGE FOR YOU

-OH NOOOOO I’M SO SAD. Don’t worry my bags are already packed!

-Welcome back bro, don’t worry, you’ll always be in the Dean’s List of my heart!

-NO. NO. YOU WERE GONE. I WATCHED YOU LEAVE. GO BACK TO YOUR WIFE RIGHT NOW

-I AM WIFELESS AND I’M NEVER LEAVING AGAIN. I WILL DIE RIGHT WHERE I WAS BORN: IN YOUR FRONT YARD

-YOU’LL DIE SOONER THAN YOU THINK IF YOU DONT GET THE FUCK OUT

-SOPHITO IS THE DEMOCRATICALLY ELECTED HEIR AND HE SAID I’M WELCOME TO STAY. YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME

-WHY YOU DON-NOSED, TWICE-DIVORCED LITTLE BASTARD. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT

-I’M GOING BUT ONLY BECAUSE I WANT TO

-Aaaah, it’s good to be back in my crypt where I belong! Who should I marry and divorce next? Uncle Daniel’s wife is pretty hot.

Sugar istg.

#gen 4 #ts2

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werebutch · 1 month ago

Text

Ok i just said this to jesse but big oc ramble :P SECONDARY CHARACTER MENTION

Again seraph’s portrait is not updated yet now they look like my pinned post..

I think this is very cute and im glad i finally forced myself to write a summary cuz it made me figure everything out.. at least i have a ballpark idea of a plot instead of entertaining all these different possibilities.. originally i didnt want roadkill to be popular enough to tour but.. small bands go on small tours all the time.. it would make the story WAYYY more fun. Seraph is literally trapped with them. And also .. going on tour is pretty good cover for murders. Way better than having him kill in his small town and somehow not get caught.. which doesnt make sense. Hes not that smart lol, but i guess being a dog is good cover already. I also want them to tour because i want the band to be a central part of the story.. if it wasn’t (like some other ideas ive had) it wouldnt even make sense to include.. it would be clunky.. so yes tour it is..!

I feel like im finally getting somewhere.. also yes ulysses is supposed to be there but im out of room in the carrd :( ill figure it out.. anyways i think this is such a good restarting point.. the only problem is its kind of a lie but i didnt know how to explain it short and sweet. Scotch is the only one who knows atlas’s identity at first, then seraph. Eloise doesnt know i think because she would probably want to call the cops. Or at the very least this news would split the group up (atlas n scotch dont want that for different reasons*) and she would never speak to atlas again cause of the whole murder thing. She would also convince seraph to get out of there asap, and atlas knows they would listen no matter how much they like him**. So, eloise knowing is not an option .. she’s very sweet but yea definitely would not be ok with any of this ..

Ulysses doesnt know cause he doesn’t WANT to know. He knows something sketchy is going on between atlas n scotch but, knowing scotch pretty well, he doesnt wanna get involved. Scotch secrets are very annoying to keep. He doesnt want to bother. Also hes kinda freaked out about it. Idk, maybe it will stay this way but i still have to work on ulysses so that may change…

Now ive got to find a way to work tex in. I dont think ive EVER mentioned tex on here before even though ive had them for yearssss, but they serve as like a mentor to atlas. Maybe 50 year old butch. I thought about making them a werewolf too but thats just dumb.. they probably knew a werewolf at one point though. Maybe had to kill one but they probably wouldnt let atlas know that. tex is kind of cruel towards seraph, which is unfortunate because theyre the only one experienced with werewolves. Would lead to a fun interaction in a tense situation though ^__^

* - atlas doesn’t want the band to split up firstly cause he knows it’ll suck for scotch, but also cause again.. touring is such good cover. Hes just hesitant to become big cause he doesnt know if it’ll make killing easier or harder. SCOTCH doesnt want to split up cause he loves eloise + same atlas reason + but also cause he NEEDS to get big for all the non-atlas reasons. Coming from a huge family, he didnt get much attention. Basically wants to show his family that he’s worthwhile (and wealthy.. if the band takes him that way) . I know a lot of info but LOL it has to be said..

** - on their own, seraph does come to know in their own time.. but again if eloise was the one to talk about it with them their reaction would be different. Their first thought is to get out of there, but again theyre trapped on tour. But in addition to that i think atlas makes them feel so special, and KNOWING this secret makes them feel even more special (and its kinda romantic LMAO), so even though they know they should run, they dont. Which is exactly atlas’s intention with the way he treats them. I think part of them knows the reason for keeping eloise in the dark, but by the time they realize all this and connect the murders with atlas, theyre in too deep with him lol. Sucks for them !

#also ive been thinking about renaming seraph again. is their name too on the nose or should i keep it. i like it but i feel like all their #names are obnoxious. I STILL might change atlas’s #….. but i like it too… IDK. i have a name in mind for seraph but typing it out umm maybe its not that good. so nvm. IDK WAT TO DO #im always down to discuss details if anyone wants to speak but i just think its fun to share ^__^#howling.txt #my ocs

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cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien · 11 months ago

Text

Solar Opposites: Solar Monsters (by @avaveevo)

Ch. 13

A few minutes later, Terry made to where Chimera David is wreaking havoc on the whole town as Terry gains a determinate stare and gets out of the bus while running to Chimera Joe in determination. Then, Werehog Cooke, Mutant Frankie, Werewolf Perez, Mutant Octopus Mia, Medusa Alice, Werefox Kevin, Weredragon Randall and Werelizard Janice catches up with him.

Mutant Frankie: Terry, we made it!

Werewolf Perez: Aw man, I don’t think we made it on time look!

Chimera David then starts killing and hurting people as Terry and the rest of the monsters gasp.

Werehog Cooke: Oh shit! Now what we do now?

Terry: What we’re really gonna do! Stop that motherfucking chimera and save the town! runs off

Weredragon Randall: follows Terry with the rest of the monsters Aw man, that’s more a goal than a plan, Terry!

Terry: I know!

But as Terry and the others try to get to Chimera David, Beverly stops them.

Beverly: Stop right there, Terald!

Terry: *gasp*

Mutant Frankie: God damn it!

Werewolf Perez: Not now!

Beverly: You really though thought I’d let you get away after EVERYTHING you did to me!

Werehog Cooke: No! We didn’t do anything to you! You and your crony FBI most wanted crook deserves it what you did to us!

Werefox Kevin: Yeah! Because of you, our life sources are these monster forms now! No we need to live with this! And we’re not gonna let you take them!

Mutant Octopus Mia: So back off you bitch cunt!

Beverly: I refuse to believe this! David is not FBI’s Most Wanted! He is a scientist that is gonna help the world! And I will not let a stupid alien stand in my way!

Terry: Grrr! You…you…

Korvo: Terry!

Terry turns and gasp in tears of joy as he sees his husband and kids with Cherie, Montez, Sherbet, Pezlie, Nova, Jamie and Darcy arriving and seeing him okay.

Terry: Korvo?!

Terry sees Korvo smiling at him with tears of joy in his eyes along with the kids as Terry shed in tears of joy and runs to his beloved husband and children.

Korvo: Terry! God, I’m so happy you’re okay!

Terry: Korvy!

Yumyulack: Dad!

Terry: Yumyulack, did you just call me dad?

Yumyulack: smiling Of course I did

Jesse and Sonya: Daddy!

Pupa: Papa!

Terry: I missed you all so much! Are you okay?

Sonya: Yes of course we are! We’re happy you’re okay!

Beverly: You?!

Yumyulack: That’s right! We’re here bitch! Now go Korvo! Go into the loving arms of Terry!

Korvo nods and kisses Terry on the lips. Terry and Korvo shed tears of joy while kissing as the camera orbits around them.

Jesse and Sonya: Aaaww.

Yumyulack just covers his eyes in disgust.

Beverly: It doesn’t matter you stupid sci-fi bitches! I have finally gotten what I wanted!

Korvo: smirking You do?

Terry grows confused by this.

Terry: Korvo, what are you-

Korvo winks his eyes at Terry, which helps tell Terry that Korvo and the others secretly have a plan!

Darcy: You really did? You really won?!

Jesse: What do you mean?!

Cherie: smirking Do tell Beverly…

Sherbet and Nova nods at each other, and then Sherbet got out her phone and presses a strange button. Then suddenly, the whole screen in town started broadcasting a live video stream throughout town of Beverly and the Solars. Jesse even chuckles quietly with Sonya and Yumyulack quietly.

Beverly: Huh?! Nevermind! It’s too late. Nobody is ever gonna believe you

Montez: Oh? About what?!

Beverly: What? That I was really the one who send those hellhounds after your two friends? That I was the one who told David about the mug who thug Terald at the beach? That I framed the stupid Principal just to get all of you off my tracks? Ha! Lucky!

The crowd gasp in shock, and so does Dr. Schroeder. Beverly realizes she was being live streamed as she looks up at the screens.

Beverly: Huh?!

Yumyulack: Not so smart now, are you, Beverly?

Beverly: angrily looks at Korvo You! What did you do?!

Korvo: Let’s just say there is a thing called Engineered Public Confessions for a psycho, like you!

Yumyulack, Jesse and Sonya: Ha!

Beverly: That’s it! I have had enough! If you all are gonna make me and a wonderful scientist look like fools, then I am not gonna take it any longer. And that is why you must give your beast within Terald!

Terry: Wh-what?

Korvo: Leave him alone, bitch!

Beverly: No! It was Terald’s fault this whole thing started! If he hasn’t let us kill him, none of this would’ve ever happen. He’s a monster and always will be a monster and nobody love that! So, Terald, you just make the right decision here…

Terry: I don’t need to. I’m keeping it.

Terry gasp, but then he looks at Korvo who is shows him a genuine smile, knowing his beloved husband will make the right choice. Then, Terry looks down at the reflection of his wedding ring and smile as his eyes starts glowing orange as he made his own choice. The right one for his family as he shed a single tear of joy as it falls down. Terry then grasp his fists as he began to transform with bravery in his glowing orange eyes shown.

Beverly: Wait? What the fuck did you say?

Terry growls as he starts transforming as he grows bigger and muscular as his clothes and shoes tore apart and his skin turns black.

Terry: I said… I’M KEEPING IT!

Terry transforms into Mundane Terry and roars. Korvo then sheds tears of joy as he smiles and couldn’t be any more proud of his husband.

Jesse: Yeah! That’s my daddy!

Yumyulack: Alright, Korv!

Korvo: On it! transforms into his Super Shlorpian form and roars as he rips apart his robe Much better!

Mundane Terry: Looking sexy as always, Korvy.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Yeah. I feel sexy too. Is that a good thing?

Mundane Terry: Of course it’s a good thing Korvy

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Thanks, my darling!

Super Shlorpian Korvo and Mundane Terry then kiss.

Beverly: ENOUGH OF THIS!

Suddenly, some roaring was heard offscreen as the others turn, it turns out to be from Cherie, Montez, Darcy, Jaime, Nova and Sherbet have transformed into their monster forms.

Hellhound Darcy: What do you think guys?

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Pretty sweet guys! Now, let’s go-

Suddenly, Yumyulack starts to have a panic attack as he starts transforming as he turns black, his head grows horns, his eyes and inside of his mouth starts glowing purple, he grows bigger and muscular as it rips entire clothes and boots into pieces and his purple bat wings pop out of his back. Super Shlorpian Yumyulack then roars before panting and crying.

Mundane Terry: Oh no. Yumyulack…

Super Shlorpian Korvo sees Super Shlorpian Yumyulack crying and flies up to him and tends to him by hugging and soothing his son.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: It’s okay. Ssh. Ssh. I know it hurts.

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: D-dad…I’m so scared… what happened to me…?

Super Shlorpian Korvo: You’re alright. It’s just painful. It’s not really that bad-

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: BUT IT IS! What if I lose control again?

Super Shlorpian Korvo holds Yumyulack close.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Oh Yumyulack, you are not gonna do it again. Because, I know that this brave little Replicant, that is my special little guy, have enough willpower and courage to that… because he is still here on the inside.. and he is my son…

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Dad…I…

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Shh… I know honey… I know… but I know you got this… come on son… breath and let go… for me…

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack breathes in and out but doesn’t change back.

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Okay. Let’s do this!

Sonya: Hey, wait!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Yes dear!

Sonya turns into her werekraken form and giggles.

Jesse: Alright! That’s my sister!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Oh my god. She looks so fucking precious.

Mundane Terry: That’s our girl! Alright guys, let’s end this nightmare once and for all!

All except Jesse: Right!

Cue epic battle scene with Warriors by Imagine Dragons playing in the background:

Jesse: Okay guys, I’m gonna hide myself behind the trash bin so I won’t get hurt!

AISHA: appearing from out of nowhere Good idea. I’ll hide with you!

Jesse: Glad to see you too AISHA!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: AISHA?! How did you get here?

AISHA: Hey! You guys are my family! I always go and track wherever you guys go! Because, I love you guys! Now go kick that monster’s ass!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Thanks AISHA! flies up

Then, Super Shlorpian fires his ice breath to David, who falls to the ground. Chimera David gets back up, but then Werefox Kevin and Weredragon Randall pummels, only for them to get thrown off, but luckily Werewolf Perez bites him Then, Mutant Octopus Mia grabs Chimera David with her hands and throws him a building. Then, Werehog Cooke pound shim to the ground while Mutant Frankie gets finally manage to weaken Chimera David with her Wolverine claws.

Werehog Cooke: That’s my girl!

Mutant Frankie and Werehog Cooke then kiss. While Mutant Vampire Jaime and Hellhound Darcy fights off Beverly, Jesse wonders what she can to help as she looks down in worriedly. But, then her Mundane visions starts act up and she starts breathing in and out. Mundane Terry notices Jesse.

Mundane Terry: *gasp* J-Jesse?

As Jesse kneels down and the floor, AISHA began to grow concern. Jesse starts crying.

AISHA: What’s wrong baby girl? Are you okay?

Jesse: NO! IT FUCKING HURTS!

Then Chimera David sees Jesse and tries to fire his breath at her, only for Super Shlorpian Yumyulack and Were-Kraken Sonya gasp and gets in front of Jesse to protect their beloved sister!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Sis!

Werekraken Sonya: Are you okay?!

Jesse: breathing in and out and starts crying

Seeing how scared their sister is, Super Shlorpian Yumyulack and Were-Kraken Sonya growls at Chimera David while gaining courage.

Were-Kraken Sonya: Yumyulack, fly up behind him!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: You got it! Nobody messes with my sister!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack uses his fireice breath that knocks Chinera David down while Were-Kraken Sonya uses her laser eyes that blast Chimera David to a hill.

Chimera David: You little—

Suddenly, lava came through a crawl as it lifts Chimera David up to the sky and he falls on the ground again. Mundane Terry and Super Shlorpian Korvo then see what their kids did and grows proud of them as they head over to them.

Mundane Terry: Sonya, I am so proud of you!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: And I am so proud of you too Yumyulack!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Thanks dad.

Were-Kraken Sonya: Thanks daddies, but where did the lava came from?

Mundane Terry shlyly smiles and shows the his glowing hands, which revealed where the lava came from.

Were-Kraken Sonya: Terry? How did you do that?

Mundane Terry: I don't know. It's just part of this form I guess. chuckles

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Well, I think it’s really amazing.

Mundane Terry: Aw, come here you big stud.

Super Shlorpian Korvo and Mundane Terry kiss, only to see Chimera David recovering on that hill.

Mundane Terry: Oh shit! Korvy, quick! Fly me up!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Got it!

Super Shlorpian Korvo grabs Mundane Terry and the two fly up while Mundane Terry calls out to the others.

Mundane Terry: Guys! David's not dead!

Werehog Cooke: Oh shit! Come on guys!

The monsters go to confront Chimera David. Back with Jesse, she continues crying and breathing in pain as her vision starts to flicker in midnight pink while AISHA comforts her.

AISHA: Okay okay. Just calm down Jesse.

Jesse continues breathing and out, until she sees Beverly and hid. As Jesse looks closely, she sees Beverly holding a dagger behind her back as Jesse gasp. Jesse covers her mouth to avoid making noise. As Beverly heads towards the hill, Jesse despite breathing in and out because her visions flicker into midnight pink, develops determination and runs off while following Beverly to save her family. Jesse eventually finds her family, but then hides behind a rock while the Solar Monsters prepare to finish off Chimera David until Beverly interrupts.

Beverly: Stop right there Opposites!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Leave us alone!

Goliath Cherie: Yeah! You have done enough harm in our lives!

Beverly laughs like a maniac, scaring everyone.

Beverly: Oh silly fools. It’s too late David has everything now. And, it’s all thanks to me…

Sweets Demon Sherbet: That’s because you are becoming the same person he is. The kind who wants to harm innocent civilians!

Goliath Cherie: For power!

Mundane Terry: And I will defeat you!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: No, Terry! We need to-

Mundane Terry starts growling as he began to go up to Beverly bravely, but this time more peaceful

Mundane Terry: I'm not scared of you anymore. You hear me? I will fucking destroy you.

Beverly: What?

Mundane Terry: Please! Think about what you’re doing! It is turning you into a real monster! Because, you got manipulated by a criminal that is most wanted and dangerous.

Beverly slaps Mundane Terry in the face.

Beverly: Don't you dare try to redeem me! I've made my choice!

Super Shlorpian Korvo then gasp and punch’s Beverly to the ground.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: NOBODY FUCKING HURTS MY HUSBAND YOU BITCH!

Beverly: pulling out the daggar I don’t care what you monsters say! That old man is gonna help people! And if that means destroying Korey’s life so be-

Suddenly a slash and a scream of teenage girl is heard as the Solar Monsters gasp in horror where it came from.

Mundane Terry: JESSE!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Oh my God! Sweetheart!

Beverly: You?! Grrr!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack and Were-Kraken Sonya: SIS!

Mundane Terry, Super Shlorpian Korvo, Super Shlorpian Yumyulack, Were-Kraken Sonya and Pupa huddle around Jesse in concern as she continues to cry out in pain as her midnight pink vision flickers.

Jesse: Terry...it hurts...

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Oh God…

Were-Kraken Sonya: tearfully; voice breaking Jesse!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: We're here, Jesse! Let us help!

Jesse starts crying as she puts her arms around leg. Then, as Mundane Terry looks worriedly at his daughter, his vision then keeps flickering back to what happened 13 years ago back on Shlorp as it shows baby Jesse crying with another monster’s shadow, until it was revealed the monster that defended baby Jesse was none other than… Mundane Terry 13 years ago.

Mundane Terry: Jesse...

As Mundane Terry watches himself killing the monster, he then sees himself calming down after seeing Baby Jesse continue to cry. Then, Mundane Terry then sees doing a concern whimper as he heads over to baby Jesse as he slowly turns back to normal and comforts and sooth her. Then, Mundane Terry heard his past self say…

Past Terry: Oh no no. Don’t cry. Terry’s here. You’re okay. Shh.

Mundane Terry: Fuck...

Mundane Terry watches as he sees his past self soothing baby Jesse, who calms down and smiles at her father. Then, Mundane Terry shed tears as he watches his past self admiring baby Jesse’s strength. Mundane Terry looks down at his hands as a teardrop falls. He now knows the truth about his past. Suddenly, he heard and a sound and then sees something that shocked him for the first time.

Past Terry: Oof. Oh sorry. Didn’t see you there.

Past Korvo: It’s alright. walks away

Mundane Terry: gasp Korvo?

He watches as his past self develops an attraction to past Korvo, then as he looks closely, Past Korvo sees Past Terry walking to his apartment as Past Korvo blushes shyly and lovingly at Past Terry. Then, Past Korvo walks away while soothing baby Yumyulack, who is sleeping and cooing while smiling.

Mundane Terry: Oh...oh my god...

Mundane Terry then watches as Past Korvo leaves and smiles as tears of joy burst in his eyes.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Terry?

The static then takes back to the present as Mundane Terry looks at Super Shlorpian Korvo and embraces him in a big damn monster kiss. Super Shlorpian Korvo is shock at first, but melts into the kiss.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Mmm. What's gotten into you?

Mundane Terry: Korvo… I now know the truth…

Super Shlorpian Korvo: You do…?

Mundane Terry: I finally know… how I record this form…

Were-Kraken Sonya: How daddy?

Mundane Terry: I was being ridiculed too much, that I felt like I didn’t deserve to live but… I snapped and there was a monster and that is when my Mundane was finally unleashed because Jesse was is in danger, when she was still a baby and I had to protect her and…

Super Shlorpian Korvo puts a finger on Mundane Terry to silence him. Then, Mundane Terry look down at his left hand palm and then finally realized the real reason of why Mundane attack.

Mundane Terry: Because, my ancestors… were trying too hard, to protect their families… while forgetting… they’ve already been good enough to the ones they love…

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Oh, Terry...

Mundane Terry then looks at Super Shlorpian Korvo as he smiles at him. They then touch foreheads.

Mundane Terry: And that lead to me… seeing you for the first time my life…

Super Shlorpian Korvo cries as tears fall down his eyes.

Mundane Terry: After the attack, I ended up encountering the most beautiful shimmering blue Shlorpian I ever saw who is really kind, nurturing, smart and very protective of his sproutling while carrying a basket of darble fruit walking down the village.

Super Shlorpian Korvo starts crying and Mundane Terry becomes concerned.

Mundane Terry: Are you okay honey?

Super Shlorpian Korvo happily tackles Mundane Terry to the ground.

Mundane Terry: Whoa! What was that for?

Super Shlorpian Korvo laughs with tears in his eyes.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Oh honey. I love you too.

Mundane Terry cries with happiness and the two make out. Super Shlorpian Yumyulack and Were-Kraken Sonya then covers the Pupa’s eyes in disgust.

Werelizard Janice: H’no you guys done now? punches Chimera David

Jesse continues crying as Mundane Terry then put his giant muscular arms around Jesse and comforts her.

Mundane Terry: Sssh. Sssh. It's okay.

Jesse then hiccups tearfully as Mundane Terry soothes her head softly and give sit a kiss on the forehead. Jesse then feels a strong pain in her head. But then, Mundane Terry didn’t even notice it because he notice Beverly coming out to them, but luckily Mundane Terry Bradbury her violently as she falls down and the daggar shatters. Mundane Terry then gets into a brave stance as he tries to defend Jesse.

Mundane Terry: That's enough, Beverly. YOU LEAVE MY BABYGIRL ALONE, YOU FUCKING CUNTBRICK!

Jesse: Terry...

Super Shlorpian Korvo: I got your back Terry!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Me too!

Were-Kraken Sonya: I’m with you guys!

The four Solar Monsters get into a fighting stance with their friends joining.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: It’s over Bev! Call off this whole Chimera madness!

Beverly: Oh am I?

Suddenly, Jesse starts to feel her muscle tightens as her eyes and inside of her mouth glows midnight pink as she starts to feel pain and screams out to the sky as the sun finally sets.

Mundane Terry: Shit! JESSE!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Sweetheart?

Were-Kraken Sonya: Big sister?

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Sis?

Suddenly, Jesse starts growing bigger and muscular as her dress and shoes starts to rip apart and she suddenly grows boobs while her skin turns black.

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: blushing Holy shit...

Jesse: T-Terry… voice gets deeper and distorted It hurts…

Jesse then roars as her dress and shoes then rips into pieces as the pieces fall down and her lucky red bow falls off as she pounds her fists to the ground that helps her stand. Now a Mundane, Jesse roars as loudly as Godzilla as tears burst from her eyes, which made Mundane Terry gasp and faint.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Darling!

Mundane Terry then groans and gasp upon seeing his daughter now a Mundane as she pants. Mundane Jesse snaps back to reality and feels her body.

Mundane Jesse: gasp I have BOOBS?!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Let me touch them! touches the boobs

Mundane Jesse: Kyaa! Get of my boobs! slaps Super Shlorpian Yumyulack

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Sorry didn’t know what came over me.

Were-Kraken Sonya: Ya think?

Suddenly, Chimera David was about to pummel Were-Kraken Sonya until Mundane Jesse saw him and her whole vision goes distorted as something made her snap.

Mundane Jesse: GET AWAY FROM HER!

Mundane Jesse then gives into her Mundane instincts and roar as she pummels Chimera David down to the city. Then, as the Solar Monsters watch, Mundane Terry realizes something is wrong Mundane Jesse roars and slashes Chimera David on the stomach with her hand as it bleeds out.

Chimera David: You mother-

Mundan Jesse roars as she throws David to the window and violently throws him to the ground, as she has now lost her sanity and her mind, much to Mundane Terry’s horror. Mundane Jesse then pants before crying.

Mundane Terry: Oh no Jesse is losing it!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: We have to help before-

Mundane Jesse then goes savage again and throws Chimera David to a building.

Goliath Cherie: HOLY SHIT!

Were-Kraken Sonya: Hang on sis!

Suddenly, Mundane Terry stops them as he knows what to do.

Mundane Terry: Jesse...

Mundane Terry then heads down there, much to the others’s shock.

Werehog Cooke: Uh, what the hell are you doing?!

Mundane Terry: Talking to my daughter…

All: What? Huh? Really? I don’t know…Terry…

Mundane Terry: Don't worry. I'll be okay. She'll listen to me.

Sweets Demon Sherbet: You sure this will work?

Mundane Terry: Yes...

As Mundane Terry walks over to bravely Mundane Jesse, Super Shlorpian Korvo kisses him on the cheek.

Mundane Terry: Huh?

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Go save our little girl, you brave son of a bitch!

Mundane Terry: Oh, Korvy...

Mundane Terry and Super Shlorpian Korvo then kiss. Then, it cuts to back to Mundane Jesse throws Chimera David to the wall as she bodyslams him and roars.

Mundane Terry: JESSE, STOP!

Mundane Jesse then punches the Chimera David to the ground, that created a giant hol on the ground while Chimera David laying there. Mundane Jesse breaths in and out as she looks up at Mundane Terry and snarls at him savagely.

Mundane Terry: Jesse?

Mundane Jesse roars and walks on her legs and hands as she heads towards Mundane Terry like a wild animal. Mundane Jesse then stops when she realizes she's gonna hurt Terry.

Mundane Terry: Jesse, it’s me! Your dad! Please hang on! It’s okay! I’m here now! Everything is gonna be okay…

Mundane Jesse gasps.

Mundane Terry: It’s okay…

Mundane Jesse gets her sanity back and starts sobbing. Mundane Jesse then collapse on the floor while crying in her arms as tears fall down like a waterfall. Mundane Terry walks up to comfort her. Mundane Terry then lies down his daughter, put his arms around and comforts and soothes Mundane Jesse.

Mundane Terry: Oh Jesse…. Shh

Mundane Jesse: I'm sorry...

Mundane Jesse continues crying as Mundane Terry continues to comfort her.

Mundane Jesse: Daddy… what happened to me? Did it really happened for the first time?

Mundane Terry: It did but-

Mundane Jesse then starts breathing in and out as she kept weeping because she is scared.

Mundane Terry: Hey, it's not bad.

Mundane Jesse: But it is!

Mundane Terry: Oh baby…

Mundane Jesse: crying I lost my mind… and I-I went wild like an animal and, and… almost lost my memory of you guys… I’m a monster…

Mundane Terry: Shh.

Mundane Jesse continues to cry as Mundane Terry holds her close and continues to soothe her just like he did when Jesse was a baby.

Mundane Terry: Oh Jesse, you are not monster.

Mundane Jesse: Why do you think that?

Mundane Terry: Because, remember what I aid last night? How are you are always the sweet girl I know?

Mundane Jesse: Because you were there to help me.

Mundane Terry: No, because you were already brave to me. You always have been, ever since you were a baby. Because, like I said, it was because of your kindness and humility towards others. That makes you Jesse, on the inside.

Mundane Jesse sniffles but smiles.

Mundane Jesse: Thanks dad…

The two hug but then Chimera David rises. Luckily, Super Shlorpian Yumyulack shoots him down with his fireice breath.

Mundane Jesse: Yumyulack!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Jesse! You’re okay!

Mundane Jesse: Yeah.

Then, Super Shlorpian Korvo and Were-Kraken Sonya arrives. Super Shlorpian Korvo picks up Mundane Terry and spins him around. The two husbands then kiss while Were-Kraken Sonya meets up her adoptive alien sister and hugs her.

Were-Kraken Sonya: I'm so happy you're okay, sis!

Mundane Jesse: Me too! Come here, you two! hugs her siblings

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack grabs Mundane Jesse's boob.

Mundane Jesse: Don’t even think about.

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack laughs nervously as he backs away, only to see Chimera David getting back up, so the family quickly hid behind a rock to come up with a plan.

Mundane Terry: I got it! We need to combine our powers!

Were-Kraken Sonya: Really?

Mundane Jesse: Wait? I have powers?

Mundane Jesse waves her hand and... her hand starts glowing pink.

Mundane Jesse: Hey! Cool!

Super Shlorpian Korvo: It’s our only shot! Terry might be onto something!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: No way! It's too dangerous! There has to be another way, right?!

Mundane Terry: I wish there was but...

Super Shlorpian Korvo puts his hands on Mundane Terry’s shoulder, then he smiles.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: We got this.

Mundane Terry, and the five monsters head over to confront David, one more time while their friends arrive and watched. Mundane Terry takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: You got this Terry!

Chimera David: You really think you can defeat me?!

Mundane Terry raises his hand, causing lava to appear. Mundane Terry then roars, which made Super Shlorpian Korvo and the monster kids smile as they get ready to use theirs. First, Super Shlorpian Korvo uses his ice breath. Next, Super Shlorpian Yumyulack uses his fireicebreath. Then, Mundane Jesse makes pink magic, which made fizzling lava rocks fizz towards David. And finally, Were-Kraken Sonya uses her laser eyes. Their eyes then start glowing. The blast combine ends overpowering Chimera David as he starts to disintegrate into ash as he feels his whole life source burning up with him.

Chimera David: NNNNNOOOOOOO!

As the whole screen goes white, it fades to what remains of Davis, a pile of ash that whisk away. Then, the fog clears where it shows Mundane Terry, Super Shlorpian Korvo, Super Shlorpian Yumyulack, Mundane Jesse and Were-Kraken Sonya emerging form the fog in triumph while their friends cheer. Mundane Terry then passes out and falls to the ground. Super Shlorpian Korvo then comes over to him and smiles once Mundane Terry awakens slowly.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: You did great, darling.

But then, Mundane Terry feels something that he wants to let it out, as he starts snarling and kneeling to the ground like a beast, while the others figure out what is happening and backs away

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Come honey, let it out!

Super Shlorpian Yumyulack: Heads up guys! It’s Terry’s crown making moment!

Mundane Jesse: Come on Terry!

Were-Kraken Sonya: Go Terry!

Mundane Terry then roars loudly as his eyes glow orange as he makes his crown making moment. He then starts breathing and out.

Mundane Terry: Woah.

Mundane Terry then shed tears as Super Shlorpian Korvo flies to him and lands near him as he soothe his face. Mundane Terry starts whimpering again, because he is scared of losing himself again, only Super Shlorpian Korvo consoles him by soothing his face.

Super Shlorpian Korvo: Shhh. It’s okay. You’re okay… I’m here…

Mundane Terry purrs. Then, the two monster alien husbands kiss, while everyone cheers. Then, the police are about to arrive, so luckily, the Solar Monsters retreat successfully into a hidings place where they can transform back. Beverly then awaken from her concussion and then two police guards caught her.

Police Officer: We've come to arrest you

Beverly: What?

Police Officer 2: We saw the livestream so...yeah.

FBI Agent: Beverly of GeenaDavisVille Labratories, you’re under arrest for frame up, the monster attacks, assisting one of FBI Most Wanted criminals and for the attempt murder of Terry and Korey Opposites!

Beverly: Damn it! No! You don't understand! They're monsters! I-

Human Terry: Be quiet, Beverly.

Beverly then turn and see the Solar Opposites, in their human forms and their friends back to normal as they approach FBI Most Wanted.

Human Korvo: Is there a problem sir?

Police Officer: We were just about to arrest this woman, Korey.

Human Jesse: Oh really?

Principal Cooke: shrugs What for?

Police Officer: For attempted murder and framing.

Miss Frankie: Oh thank goodness

Nova: Thank you for letting us know officer. I had no idea what came over Beverly

Cherie: Me too.

Beverly: You sons of bitches! When I escape, I'll-

Human Terry: Be quiet, Bev. I already know your little secret. I know it because I was with you with that godawful trigger test. I also know that my husband, my kids and my friends will always love me. And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing! It’s over’ You've lost any and all power over us. You're the real monster, Beverly. A real fucked up monster. Enjoy jailtime.

As soon as the Solars leave, Beverly looked on without a word and a sound as she gets taken away into custody. As the FBI and police drives away with Beverly, the human Solars and their friends watch. Then, Human Terry and Human Korvo look at each other lovingly as they touch heads.

Human Terry: Korvo… I love you so much… I am so sorry if I was really keeping my real self hidden away… but I know you will always love me.. and I will always love you too… and I’m not hiding the other part of me anymore… because it’s part of my life… but not just that… so are you and the kids… because I love you Korvy…

Human Korvo: shedding tears of joy I love you too Terry…

And with that, Human Terry and Human Korvo embrace in a passionate romantic orbital kiss while shedding tears of joy. Then, the kids came up and hug their dads. Especially with Human Pupa who is brought by Human AISHA who joins in on the hug while their friends watch as they smile.

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theriu · 1 year ago

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#tumblrnotecounter #whoa #dang!#I have. Been on here a long time XD;#And I figured two posts would make up the majority #which they do equal almost half #I am happy I got a few posts that have taken off over the uears ^^#I had to add titles for each of the links myself #so keep that in mind if you do yours!#most of them just said ‘external image’

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mariedemedicis · 8 months ago

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Elena, Bonnie, Caroline?

Elena:

• My NOTP for them: Elena/D*mon. I've never liked him and it doesn't help that he made Elena a secondary character in what was supposed to be her story.

• My BROTP for them: Elena/Bonnie (although this might be a bit of cheat since I'm not opposed to shipping them either).

• My OTP for them: Stelena!

• My second choice pairing for them: Hmm, Stefan/Elena/Bonnie.

• My fluffy pairing for them: Elena/Tyler.

• My angsty pairing for them: Elena/Stefan.

• My favorite poly ship for them: To avoid repeats, I'll say Stefan/Elena/Rebekah.

• My weirdest pairing for them: I don't even know how/where to gauge weirdness for this show/universe/fandom, but maybe Elena/Vicki would qualify.

My intrigued-by pairing for them: Elena/Sarah as posited by @the-maidofmischief.

Bonnie:

• My NOTP for them: Do..do I have a Bonnie notp? Nothing's springing to mind.

• My BROTP for them: See above (Bonnie/Elena).

• My OTP for them: Bonnie/Enzo, the canon was sloppy but it did enough to convince me.

• My second choice pairing for them: Bonnie/Stefan.

• My fluffy pairing for them: Bonnie/Klaus.

• My angsty pairing for them: Bonnie/Luka.

• My favorite poly ship for them: Bonnie/Klaus/Stefan.

• My weirdest pairing for them: Bonnie/Nora/Mary Louise.

My intrigued-by pairing for them: Bonnie/Anna (yes I'm stealing all of Jeremy's exes from him).

Caroline:

• My NOTP for them: Maybe this is vindictive and petty of me but it's absolutely Caroline/K*aus because of the way they torpedoed Forwood.

• My BROTP for them: Caroline/Stefan.

• My OTP for them: Shocking absolutely no one, it's Caroline/Tyler for me.

• My second choice pairing for them: Caroline/Hayley.

• My fluffy pairing for them: To avoid saying Caroline/Tyler for all of these - Caroline/Enzo.

• My angsty pairing for them: To avoid saying Caroline/Tyler for all of these - Caroline/Jesse.

• My favorite poly ship for them: I do like the 'witch, werewolf, and vampire' ot3 of Caroline/Tyler/Liv.

• My weirdest pairing for them: Caroline/Valerie.

My intrigued-by pairing for them: Caroline/Jesse again.

#thanks for the ask!#asks #answers #anonymous #elena gilbert #bonnie bennett #caroline forbes #the vampire diaries

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hclfbaked · 1 year ago

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( brigette lundy-paine , non-binary , they/them ) las vegas may be packed with people, but jess hinkley has been on my mind. originally hailing from las vegas, the twenty six year old has been in vegas for their entire life. i know they’re a hiking trail guide , but there’s a rumor on the strip saying they’re also a werewolf. after some thought that makes sense , they can be + big-hearted , but also - half-baked. ask any local they’ll say they remind them of adrenaline-filled nights on carnival rides, whooping and hollering at old friends across the street, smoke leaking out from between lips as they laugh under neon lights, crooked smiles leaning out of the passenger’s side window, & dancing with strangers on their way home.

hi - diddly - ho , neighborinos ! your friendly neighborhood maeby ( 27, they / she, mst ) coming in hot and so stoked to be here ♡ i’m bringing my favorite little goofball, jess ! so without further ado…

▻ STATS

preferred name: jess hinkley nicknames: yes, jessie, the hinks languages known: english, asl, conversational spanish birthday: april 1st, 1997 hometown: las vegas, nevada, usa zodiac: aries sun, sagittarius moon, leo rising interests: nature hikes, fun dip, buzzfeed quizzes, roadtrips, wailing on drums, air hockey tournaments, sweet & salty snack combinations, talking heads, john hughes-esque ‘80s movies, having to be introduced to current music after listening to 80s-90s their entire life tldr; permanent class clown and former athlete almost makes it big, hits rock bottom (cough, is attacked and turned by a werewolf, cough), then devotes the rest of their life to the beauty of normal things and the importance of living in the moment. mostly just smokes weed, hikes, and goofs off. again, is a werewolf. pinterest: peruse here ! playlist: listen here !

▻ ABOUT

tw: parental death, werewolf attack, injuries

jess was born and raised right here in las vegas; their late mother’s hometown. you see, their parents met in kansas city, missouri where jess’s father (guy) was apprenticing under a rbbq pitmaster at the restaurant jess’s mother (robin) waited tables at during college. when they fell in love and got married, they moved back to las vegas to be near robin’s family. tragically, robin died when jess was eleven years old and they were raised through their adolescence by their father and older brother (elijah).

despite being a major goofball and terrible student, jess was a positive role model for their younger sister (mackenzie) and a big help at robin’s; the barbecue joint guy opened when they moved to las vegas to raise their children. as jess grew up, it seemed they were destined for greatness by way of their athletic prowess. unfortunately, right before their twenty-first birthday and their national track-and-field debut, they were badly injured in a werewolf attack and lost their place in the competition.

jess’s brother elijah was also injured and turned in the attack, but thankfully, the wolf didn’t lay a single claw on their sister mackenzie. nevertheless, for jess and elijah, surviving meant having the werewolf’s curse passed onto them. now that they know what’s lurking behind las vegas’s neon lights, neither of them are willing to leave their family behind or uproot them; certainly not until mackenzie is done with college and guy is ready to retire. at least the two of them have each other, right?

▻ HEADCANONS

jess calls charcuterie “grown-up lunchables” no matter who they’re around.

jess’s taste in music is 100% based on their father and late mother’s playlists from when jess was a young’un. if they can remember the two of them dancing to it in the kitchen, it’s on jess’s favorite playlist. they have a portrait of talking heads’ founder david byrne in a gold frame in their home like many people have portraits of jesus christ.

jess wasn’t a good student in school, but they have a knack for learning languages. they grew up in a household that used asl for mackenzie, jess’s younger sister, so that was a given, but they’re also fluent in spanish and have conversational skills in french and japanese.

▻ CONNECT IDEAS

fellow werewolves ! witch friends from the arcade ! vampires who vibe with our wee werewolf weirdo ! sirens jess has casually fallen in love with twenty times ! supernatural beings who defy stereotypes to hang with jess !

the other half of jess' podcast duo ( maybe trio? ) since there’s no way jess doesn’t have a podcast that a whole twelve people listen to every week – i picture them talking about haunted places in las vegas à la buzzfeed unsolved / ghost files or random topics with too much energy like the basement yard

texting buds who share memes and not much else

someone jess keeps just constantly running into somewhere, they absolutely cannot get rid of each other and fate seems to have decided that they’re in each other’s lives whether they like it or not

fellow regulars at jess’ favorite haunts, where they spent too much time making fast friends with the employees and then loitering like they also work there. examples: pizza places, bars, arcades, bookstores, record shops, climbing gyms, hipster cafes, locally owned breweries, etc

people who only know them from the parties they throw ( which have truly ridiculous themes, often result in noise complaints, and are always a wild time )

someone who hates jess because their chaotic antics have consequences, just not on them. jess is a runaway bull in a china shop and at the end of the day, someone has to clean up the china shop, right?

returned and unrequited crushes, exes, flings, a “ will they, won’t they ”

any friendly connect, considering jess sees the good / a good time in almost everyone

a less than friendly connect, since jess isn’t everyone’s cup of tea

anything under the sun you might be vibing !

#✧ — ⋆ 𝒋𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒍𝒆𝒚 ; about .#drugs tw

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abalonetea · 1 year ago

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Happy STS! I am going to use this opportunity to ask for some more insight about the whole monster hunter revolving around one location story idea thing you've got in your brilliant noggin 👀

(Especially as it is losing out in the poll to horror camp which I do not begrudge but I wanna know more about THIS if you feel so inclined :))

If you'd rather not talk about it, what's your method for all these ideas?

Yes!!!! I’m so glad you asked!!!! Okay so the story itself is called Like Clay… because the two main characters have been shaped like clay by their parents and the world around them. It stars Officer Carter and Jesse, with Jesse being the monster hunter in question. It’s all about family, denying yourself happiness, finding your own happiness and how to do all of that in a world of monsters.

Jesse has been raised as a monster hunter. His brother does it on-and-off, largely because Jesse has been taking the brunt of the family business on his own shoulders, so his brother can live that life. Things only recently changed.

Carter is the sheriff of a small, small town where he takes care of covering up that his brother was born a werewolf. Funny that isn’t it, being born something that’s normally a contagion. We’ll his brother isn’t the only werewolf around anymore, and Carter’s the only thing keeping them safe.

Carter and Jesse meet when Jesse sweeps into town for a different case and accidentally uncovers the werewolf pack. They make a tenuous agreement that Jesse won’t come back.

He comes back.

And back. And back. And back. And soon he and Carter have a tenuous benefitial relationship going on, the only two people who know what it’s like to have the whole world on their shoulders, and the. It’s more than that, it’s something that neither of them want to admit. They face curses, ghosts, and even more together, slowly unraveling the curse on Carter’s family, and making deals after deals with each other and for each other.

And even the angels have to fear the end of their relationship. Even the devil can find a benefit to the lengths these men will go.

#Like clay Wip

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rhysdarbinizedarby · 2 years ago

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Rhys Darby returns for NZ Comedy Festival

The first time Rhys Darby was praised for his humour was in primary school, when two little girls told him he should be a comedian.

He thought that meant a lizard.

Darby didn't know there was such vocation as a comedian, and got mixed up with chameleon.

It might not have been for him, but Rhys Darby doesn't regret joining the army, it's given a lot of material over the years.

He rushed home to tell his mum that the kids at school thought he should be a lizard, and took it upon himself to start doing lizard impressions.

David Farrier, Rhys Darby and Buttons' radio show The Cryptid Factor is dedicated to the weird and the wonderful, and in particular, cryptozoology.

Rhys Darby and wife Rosie, at the Wellington premiere of What We Do in the Shadows, in which Darby who plays a werewolf.

His repertoire extended to Scooby Doocharacters, people in soup commercials and anyone else he saw on television.

Darby entertained his friends with drawings too. They would look forward to the next instalment of a cartoon he sketched at the bottom of his book.

The entertaining has not stopped since.

Rhys Darby starred alongside Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet in Modern Family.

After making a name for himself on the live comedy circuit, the actor has gone on to become one of New Zealand's top comedy exports.

His big break was starring inFlight of the Conchords, as the hopeless band manager Murray Hewitt, alongside Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie.

Now based in Los Angeles with his wife, Rosie, and sons Finn (10), and Theo (6), Darby's CV is looking pretty impressive.

It includes his own mockumentary series Short Poppies, the lead in the romantic comedy Love Birds, starring alongside Jim Carrey in Yes Man, a scene-stealer in What We do in the Shadows, guest starring in Modern Family and The X-Files reboot, and most recently, playing Psycho Sam in The Hunt for the Wilderpeople.

Even the drawing has served Darby, who is currently writing and illustrating a (currently top secret) children's book.

Darby heads back to New Zealand this month for the NZ International Comedy Festival, to perform as his old duo Rhysently Granted, with Grant Lobban.

Rhys Darby and Grant Lobban as the comedy duo Rhysently Granted, 1996

The two last performed together more than 20 years ago.

Darby's humour was nurtured from a young age, it was a trait he particularly shared with his mother, Barbara.

After Barbara had three girls and a boy, there was a nine-year gap before she had Darby.

"I was very much this mistake at the wrong end," Darby says, whose parents split shortly after he was born.

"So it was just really me and Mum, my brother was with us for a while until he hit his early 20s, but I guess I felt like an only child a lot.

"Mum was a bit older by then and so she got through every day by really just having a wonderful sense of humour. The two of us had such fun, laughter was really the main thing that we kind of enjoyed every day."

He joined the air training corps when he turned 12, before switching over the the army cadets.

When Darby hit adolescence, Barbara began dropping hints that her son might like to join the army or look at boarding schools, he says.

"It was going to be harder having another child and putting him through his teenage years.

"I think she was thinking I was going to be this teenage tyrant, probably getting onto the wrong side of the tracks and stuff, but of course I was the nicest boy you'd ever meet.

"I guess it was just kind of in my nature to be nice and geeky. I didn't really do any parties or anything like that, I played with my action-figures right up until I joined the army at 17."

In the army, he would often got lost in the bush and get into trouble for impersonating officers.

Darby says he would not send his own sons there, but he does not regret joining. He is only glad he got asked to leave before he saw any combat service.

"You'd probably be better off being a clown or something, rather than a soldier, Darby," he was told.

"I mean you're good for morale here, but we worry once you actually get into combat whether you'll shoot our own people by mistake or something."

Darby couldn't see the humour at the time, but the army has sure been worth it's value in comedy material since.

"I've since gone back and seen that a lot of old British comedians have spent time back in the day in military, and there's a lot of humour that I've got from it.

"It made me who I am, it gave me some self-discipline and made me care about the way I look and do things, and have a responsibility to complete tasks, turn up on time, and I think all that got ingrained into me".

Conchords was Darby's ticket to America.

When the show took off, Darby would often get mistaken for his character in real life.

He and Murray have some similarities – Darby tends to be the one to make the decisions among his friends – "But as far as being an absolute naive idiot, definitely not," he says.

The odd person will still call him Murray, but does not care, because the character was so loved.

"I'm a big fan of him as well, because he's just a sweetheart and optimistically naive and it's the blind leading the blind because he's got no idea what he's doing as a band manager. Luckily his band are even thicker than he is, so it's just a sweet romance between those three."

Having always been obsessed with the paranormal, landing the X-Files gig was the ultimate role.

It is a hobby that has seen him travel the world in search for mythical creatures, like when he traveled to Puerto Rico with David Farrier in pursuit of the chupacabra.

Darby has reached an extraordinary point in his career where casting directors already know who he is and what he can do.

The tables have turned from crossing fingers for an audition, to being asked to attend.

One of the best career decisions Darby says he has made is choosing his manager.

"Ultimately my wife manages everything, so it had to be somebody that could work with Rosie.

"We selected a really cool manager, a guy that I very much love by the name of Tucker, and it's these decisions that continue to lead to great things."

But keeping his Kiwi accent is the career decision he is most proud of.

"That's really important to me, because so many actors when they come over to America just drop their accent straight away and Americanise themselves, and I didn't want to be like that. I wanted to be able to use my own voice in all the stories I tell, because there are plenty of New Zealanders on the planet and you don't often get to hear them."

"So I'm very lucky, not just as an actor, but a comical actor, that is in a sort of smaller pool of people who are picked for various things in which I can be myself more, and that seems to be working."

As well as Rhysently Granted, Darby performs in three other Comedy Festival shows.

"I'm looking forward to going back and doing that and actually having fun again, because I kind of lost my way a bit in the last few years with it all being such a big money-making enterprise.

"You kind of lose what it was in the first place that made you want to laugh, and it was just that having fun with friends."

Source: Stuff NZ

#rhys darby #interview #rhysently granted

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