#yes i'm watching wrecked and it was the best decision i ever made

[thstarsofsilver]

"i hate love triangles" is such a common thing to hear, but we never really think about why.

sure, some people are just extremely decisive and hate watching the slow, painful indecision of love triangles. and the idea of stringing two people along when (generally) you can only have one is silly and a little unkind a lot of the time. plus it can be really frustrating to watch 1 single character wreck relationships (i'm looking at you, love triangles that pit siblings/best friends against each other), and mess things up around them through their own indecisiveness

another very frustrating thing about love triangles is that they're actually not as common as they feel. the media pushes love triangles all the time because they're marketable and a surefire way to get engagement by pitting fans against one another and putting them on a "team" and making it personal.

a storied example is the hunger games. suzanne collins made the point in the story about how katniss's romance with peeta was pushed to distract from the horrors of the games, and in the real world, lionsgate/the marketing team pushed the "love triangle" to distract from the heavy themes and political messaging of the story. but there was never really a love triangle. yes, katniss kissed 2 boys. yes, there was a point where she saw them both as viable options. but the narrative tells us she was never going to be able to pick anyone but peeta - gale is simply not ideologically right for her, and that is made relatively clear relatively early on. and yet the "love triangle" was pushed, when (unlike other stories like the summer i turned pretty or the vampire diaries) it never really existed.

but love triangles don't have to be bad if they service all the characters. in 'never have i ever', devi gets something completely different from each of her 2 main love interests (sorry des and ethan, i'm not counting you. neither of you lasted more than like 4 eps lol), and more importantly, even when broken up with her they get something from their relationships with her. she ends up pushing both ben and paxton to achieve their academic potential, as just one example.

doing love triangles correctly is hard. there probably isn't necessarily a "right" way. but if you can present an equally strong case for both characters, resolve the triangle without assassinating or throwing away the development of one of the characters, and keep the integrity and likeability of person in the middle, you might just be on the right path.

now reblog with examples of good/bad love triangles because my mind's gone blank and i can't just keep using nhie/tsitp/tvd

[magicalqueennightmare]

Sins & Amends Chapter 54

Billy Russo x Female Reader (60 part story)

This follows pre- the punisher into the storyline of daredevil, punisher season 1 and beyond

This is NOT Canon Billy. This is decent human being Billy left with bad options over worse decisions

This was also posted to A03 under: WaywardGaPeach. That account and this one is the only place you'll see me post this. If you see it on any other platform/account know it's not me.

Chapter Summary/Warnings: Billy proves yet again nothing will keep him from you and Adi

Frank watched you pace back and forth for about a half an hour before he stood up and moved to block your path. When you froze in front of him he tilted his head slightly "They'll come get us in a little while ok?" You nodded then said "You called me Billy's fiance" with a shaky laugh.

 "Yea they're big on closest family and I didn't think mother of his child had quite the same ring" he replied with a shrug so you shook your head "No Frank I um I sort of proposed to Billy"

You could see the confusion on his face before he ever asked "When?" You suddenly felt a bit self conscious when you admitted "While he was bleeding out?" You weren't sure how Frank would react but after a moment he sort of laughed then said "Well you and Bill have never done anything the easy way. But does this mean I'll be your best man instead of his?" 

You rolled your eyes but you were actually grateful for his teasing tone. It made your nerves calm down some even if it was only temporary. 

A nurse walking towards the two of you got your attention when she asked "Are you Mr Russo's family?" You felt Frank's hand at your lower back before he said "Yes ma'am" she smiled then said "Doctor Morales asked me to escort you to his room" you glanced up at Frank who gave you a quick nod so you said "Lead the way" 

-----------------

You hated ICU. There was a reason you'd went to become a paramedic instead of a nurse. You could treat everything from stab wounds to wrecks all day but when it came down to it you kept them alive then dropped them at the door. Yeah you and Alice always checked on the status of your patients but that was different than having to hold your breath to see if they were gonna recover or go down hill.

Your feet started feeling like they weighed about fifty pounds each when she walked into one room in particular. You wanted nothing more than to see Billy but you also dreaded to see just what loving you had cost him.

"C'mon" was all Frank said before he grabbed your arm and bodily pulled you into the door behind him. 

------------------

You froze with your arm still in Frank's grip as your eyes landed on Billy's still form in the bed. There was a heart monitor keeping a steady rhythm hooked up to him along with a bag of antibiotics on drip and he had oxygen up his nose. 

"He's breathing on his own" you said as you let out the breath you'd been holding. The nurse nodded "Yes ma'am. Mr Russo is a fighter that's for certain" you cut your eyes at Frank before walking closer to the bed. "Does he have stitches or staples?" 

The nurse pulled back the blanket so you could see the gauze covering Billy's lower stomach "There's internal stitches and external stitches. Bandages will have to be cleaned twice a day which I'm sure you can handle once he goes home. All in all he was very lucky" "When's he gonna wake up?" You asked ignoring the fact that once again someone was telling you how lucky Billy was despite the fact that he was laying in a hospital bed.

"With the anesthesia and pain meds he'll probably be out for another couple hours. The two of you are welcome to sit with him" she checked a few of his vitals then exited the room leaving you and Frank standing at the foot of Billy's bed.

"Bad dejavu" you blurted out and Frank just shook his head "Yeah I was just thinking that"" 

---------------------

You ended up curled up in a chair on the right side of Billy's bed while Frank had taken up occupancy of the other chair that was closer to the window. "Is it just me or is it cold as hell in here?" You asked with a shiver so Frank stood pulling his hoodie off "Here sweetheart. That adrenaline crash is a bitch"

You pulled his hoodie on over the scrubs you were wearing and smiled "Thanks Frank" he nodded "Get some sleep" "I can't I need to call and check on Adi and what if he wakes up?" Frank cut you off halfway "I will call and check on Adi and if he wakes up and you're asleep in the chair it's not like he can go far.You worked a sixteen hour shift and have been running yourself ragged since they bought him in please just take a breath ok?" 

You were exhausted to the point that keeping your eyes open was a struggle so you nodded and laid your head back against the chair "Thank you for being here Frank" "Anytime kid"

There was a reason why Billy always hated pain meds and even only drank in moderation. He couldn't stand feeling cloudy headed. Especially after having the TBI.

He could feel a tightness in his stomach and heard what sounded like the beeping of a heart monitor. Heart monitor? He was in the hospital. Why was he in the hospital?

When he was finally able to push past the haze of whatever drugs he'd been given he remembered fully what happened. That guy had tried to kill you.

He'd gotten shot to protect you. The last thing he remembered was your eyes staring down at him. God you'd looked so sad.

He slowly opened his eyes and was met with a hockey game on the tv hanging on the wall. He turned his head to the left first and saw Frank leaned back in a chair "Frankie?" He called and the other man's head snapped around "Well fuck Bill. Welcome back" 

He half smiled then his eyes landed on you. You were curled up in a chair right next to his bed. You looked like you were wearing scrubs and he was fairly certain that was Frank's hoodie you were wearing.

"Is she ok?" Frank followed his line of sight then nodded slowly "Yeah,You scared the hell out of her. By the time I got to her I think a little shock may have set in but she's ok now. She's been out a couple hours"

The haunted look in your eyes was still playing through his mind. He had to see you awake. He wanted so bad to see a smile on your face. It would be worth any amount of pain he was currently feeling. Hell the pain was better than the fog of the drugs.

"Can you wake her up man?" He finally asked Frank after a moment. "Yeah" Frank stood to walk around the bed but stopped right before he got to you then glanced back at Billy "You did good Bill. She's safe and that asshole is dead" 

Without waiting for Billy's answer Frank leaned down and shook your shoulder gently "C'mon sweetheart. Wake up"

You swatted Frank's hand away at first. You didn't want anything to eat nor did you feel like coffee yet. You just wanted to sleep until either Billy woke up or Karen called saying Adi wanted you so being mommy would push any other thought out of your mind. 

You heard a chuckle join Frank's after you said "Five more minutes Castle or I'll show everyone the Punisher should be afraid of me" and your eyes flew open "Billy?" He'd hit the button to push the bed up so he was in a reclined sitting position but his eyes were glued to you and he had a smile on his face "Good morning sleeping beauty"

You were out the chair and to the side of the bed before you could even acknowledge the pinch in your side. "Baby. You're ok" you felt tears sliding down your face as your fingers clasped around Billy's hand before Frank leaned over your shoulder and pressed a kiss to your forehead "I'm gonna give you two a minute. I'll call Karen and give Curt a call too" he winked at Billy who said "Thanks Frankie" then teased "Next time you two want to get everyone together let's do a movie night" before he walked out into the hall.

-----------------

You glanced down at yours and Billy's hand and felt more tears coming from your eyes "I'm so sorry baby" his other hand came up to cup your chin so he could make you look at him. The raw honesty in his eyes made your heart flip "Y/N why are you apologizing? You didn't shoot me, well not this time anyways"

You dropped your gaze ignoring his attempt at a joke then said "You almost died because of me Billy. I love you so fucking much and I thought I'd lost you. I lost your pulse, that was one of the worse things I've ever experienced and if you would have died protecting me...I don't know what I would've done"

When you finally met his eyes again he patted the bed next to him "C'mere baby please" you slowly walked around the bed and slid in next to him careful not to hit his stomach. You laid your head over on his shoulder so he laid his head over on yours.

"Y/N you and Adi are the best things that's ever happened to me. From the day I met you I knew I'd end up with you. Frank had preached for years about quality over quantity and I always brushed it off then the day I walked off that plane and you were standing with Maria with Lisa on your hip. I knew what he'd meant all that time. I wanted you and not just for a night. When you told me you loved me the first time it was better than anything I'd ever felt. I fucked it all up and almost lost you for good but despite it all you still loved me and our love made our babygirl. Are you seeing a pattern here? Since I met you even at my lowest you've been my reason to fight. I don't regret taking a bullet for you. I never would"

You tilted your head to press a quick kiss to his neck "I'm sorry we've wasted so much time" "It still lead to us being back together so that's what matters" he replied then a smirk spread across his face "Did you propose to me or was that the blood loss?"

You couldn't help but laugh before you said "No I did" he pulled you in for a quick kiss then pulled away and said "I've got to say no but because I want to be the one to propose to you" you smiled then pressed another kiss to his lips "Don't take too long"

Frank walked back into the room about that time and raised an eyebrow at how close you and Billy were "Um I don't think he's cleared for that" you felt your cheeks warm so you gave Billy another quick kiss then stood out the bed. Frank held his phone out "Adi wants to come see mommy and daddy after lunch. That ok?" You glanced back at Billy who nodded "Yeah that's fine"

While the three of you were waiting for Karen to park and come up with Adi Billy broke the silence by saying "Frankie what are you doing tomorrow?" Frank looked at you then shrugged "I don't know. I've got a meeting first thing about starting the training for junior agents then I'm free"

Billy nodded then said "Good you can take Y/N car shopping. I think we can all agree it's past time" Frank looked at you then shrugged "Sounds good to me"

----------------

You were standing by the door of Billy's room when you spotted Karen and Adi step off the elevator "MOMMY!" She hollered and took off at a run for you with Karen struggling to keep up.

Adi slung herself into your arms. "Where's daddy?" She asked about the time Karen had caught up so you jerked your head back towards the room "Let's see if we can find him huh?"

When the three of you walked back into the room Billy's eyes lit up when he saw Adi on your hip "There's my babygirl" he held out his arms so you walked over and helped her climb into bed next to him "Aunt Karen said you were hurt and mommy was crying. I was scared" 

All of you exchanged a look before Billy said "Baby I'm ok. My stomach is gonna be sore for a while but daddy is ok... I promise" she was careful not to hit his stomach as she squirmed up far enough to place a kiss on the scar that marked his right cheek "I love you so much daddy" the smile he had deepened even further as he pulled her into a hug "I love you even more pumpkin"

---------------------

When it started nearing dinner time you expected Adi to want you to go home with her but she announced "Mommy I'm going with them" pointing to Frank and Karen. "What do you mean baby?" You asked and she rolled her eyes very dramatically "You stay with daddy"

Frank chuckled "Guess you got your marching orders Y/N. Straight from headquarters" "I guess so" you agreed. Adi walked back over to the bed so Karen helped her up so she could hug Billy "Love you daddy" "Love you more" he told her and kissed her cheek.

You walked them to the elevator and Frank offered to bring you some dinner back but Alice and Kenzie were already planning to stop by. "Call me if she changes her mind, ok?" He nodded "She'll be fine Y/N. You just catch your breath ok?" "I promise Frank" you hugged him then Karen before picking up Adi in another hug.

-----------------------

When you got back to the room a nurse was sitting the cot Frank had asked for down in the corner of the room. You thanked her with a smile then retook residence of the chair next to the bed for time being.

"If you want to go home and get some rest I'll be fine" Billy offered and you cut him off with a look. "Like hell. I'm not going anywhere until you're coming with me" he half smiled and said "Yes ma'am"

You glanced down at your phone because it'd went off with a text from Alice. Billy waited until you looked back up to question "So are you going to tell me what happened with Moore?" You took a deep breath then said "Can it wait until Alice gets here?" His eyes never left yours and you knew he was trying to read your face to tell just how bad the story was. He slowly nodded "Of course" 

You heard Alice before her and Kenzie ever made it to the room. You glanced up and smiled when she came flying in the room. "Jesus Christ! I knew it! I knew I should've taken you two home!" 

Billy cracked a smile "Well hello Kenzie, nice to see you" Kenzie leaned around Alice and gave a small wave "Hey Billy. Glad you're ok" 

Alice sat the food she'd brought down in the corner of the room then grabbed Billy's chart and flipped through it.  "Surgery went good. Missed any major organs" you shook your head at her then Billy caught your eye. You'd promised him an explanation now you owed one.

"Alice, Billy wants to know what happened with Alex Moore" the moment you said the words her eyes flew up to Billy. "What happened was he was a fucking psycho and your baby mama here refuses to back down from shit when she's protecting someone" 

He nodded but still looked a bit confused you took a breath then said "We responded to a call, what Alice two weeks after I came back from maternity leave?" She nodded "Yeah about two weeks. It was from Alex's now former wife"

You looked up into Billy's eyes and half smiled before continuing "He'd beat her so bad Billy she miscarried. We thought he'd left the area, hell NYPD was searching for him but he double backed" 

"Then what happened?" He asked and you saw Kenzie lean back against the wall. She knew everything that had happened but it still wasn't something she liked hearing.

"He ended up outside the E.R. He grabbed his ex, tried to kill her and us. Y/N fought with him. She protected me and his ex. She also ended up getting stabbed twice by the son of a bitch before security came out the hospital" Alice choked out tears brimming her eyes as she reached for your hand and you gave hers a light squeeze.

Billy looked from you to Alice "Baby, why didn't you tell me?" You shrugged "When was I supposed to throw that into conversation Billy? Oh hey honey oh you wanna know what you missed? Well I spent a week in a hospital when our daughter was still a newborn and I almost lost my spleen" 

He shook his head slowly then finally said "Well it was worth getting shot to kill that son of a bitch" 

Alice and Kenzie ended up staying until visiting hours were almost over. You hugged them both and they each hugged Billy before leaving.

Alice stopped at the door "Russo?" "Yeah, Alice?" "Thanks for protecting her" Billy nodded "I always will"

After they left you were sitting in the middle of the cot watching the news. You cut your eyes up and realized he was staring at you.  "Are you mad I didn't tell you?" He shook his head "No. I'm thinking about what if you would've died and god that hurts worse than anything" "Now you know how I felt when I found you and Frank then again last night when you were bleeding out in my arms"

He nodded "Yeah. By the way why aren't you up here with me?"  You shook your head "I can't. Too big of a risk that I may hurt you. That's why Frank wrangled the cot up" "Can I have a kiss at least?" He asked that half smile turning into a full blown Russo smirk. You rolled your eyes playfully but you were so grateful that he was ok. He was alive and doing well considering he'd been shot a little over twenty four hours before. 

You stood and walked over to the side of the bed then leaned down to let your lips barely brush against his. When you started to pull back he grabbed your hand "I know you're not calling that a kiss sweetheart. Act like you love me" 

You raised an eyebrow at his words but when you saw the way the corners of his eyes were crinkled trying to fight back his smile you knew he was trying to get a rise out of you. You leaned back down this time cupping the side of his face with your hand feeling your fingers play across the stubble lining his cheek. 

He met your lips halfway both of you melting into the kiss. Billy had always been an amazing kisser and it seemed yet another brush with death hadn't effected that any. He could still make you tingle with the way his lips moved against yours. You moved your hand back to play with the hair at the nape of his neck as the kiss deepened slightly. 

You pulled back from the kiss and he smiled up at you "Now that's how I know you kiss" you gave him another quick kiss then said "I love you Billy but you'll get all the kisses you want once you're healed up. At least you'll be coming home with me and Adi so that's one thing to look forward to right?" He nodded then his smile dropped "Just wish it wasn't temporary"

Your gaze left his for a second while you tried to find the nerve to say what you wanted to next. When you finally raised your eyes again he was watching you curiously.

"Then if you don't want it to be temporary and I don't want it to be temporary why don't you just move in completely with us? We're still just as in love as we always were. Hell more so now. Adi would be over the moon to have us both under the same roof and I don't know about you but I feel like we've already wasted too much time apart. I don't want to waste any more" 

"Are you sure?" He asked quietly and you felt your face flush. Maybe you'd misread him. Maybe he didn't want to live together again. Your face betrayed your emotions because the next thing he said was "Y/N I'd love nothing more than to live with you and Adi. Sweetheart a second chance for us and a chance for our family to be together is all I've wanted for months"

Before you even thought about it your lips were back on his. The kiss deepened as Billy pulled you closer to him. Your hand went to his chest careful to stay high enough it wouldn't hit his wound. Luckily before the two of you got lost in each other a nurse cleared her throat at the doorway. You pulled away with a blush and Billy simply chuckled when she said "Well Mr Russo I see you're feeling better" "Oh yes ma'am" he replied eyes never leaving yours.

@intothesoul

@weallhaveadestiny

[mx-pipes]

A Short Story in the form of a letter, from my soon-to-be ebook Letters. Find it on Wattpad : https://www.wattpad.com/story/336255467?utm_source=ios&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details&wp_uname=Mx-Pipes&wp_originator=cNQGNcIOLKHHcdlK9NKMYwbY6qsm5saEaqY9LAJ3u2jituNzv7yjvkQQSZms6wSosBEJoW2NM9APoSDXY7DA3Ehd9QclKlbO86%2BLBVKcDKgh%2F1F5Z7D0ELtSo2qSssch

Danielle – Student. Age 20.

Daisy,

I keep coming back to you, and it's a problem.

I suppose it's not really all my fault; it does take two to tango. And, you can't have a couple without two people — that's why they call it a couple. If we could ever have really been called that at all, I mean. I should go into some dramatic speech — about how 'we just rushed into things', or 'we were never made for each other', or something along those lines — but, I don't know what I could possibly say that would sound all important and not like a breakup scene straight out of a RomCom. And, this isn't technically a breakup. Unless you'd rather class it as that. I'd say it's more an acknowledgement that I'm basically a parasite. You'd tell me it's too harsh a word, but what else can I say? You drifted, it was clear you weren't getting anything from the relationship, but still, you stayed. You continue to stay, because I keep coming back to you, no matter what, ruining any chance you have of joy — very parasitical of me, no?

Okay, so our relationship was better than some; we never hit one another, never pretended the lights weren't flickering when they were, never followed each other across the globe to make sure the other really was just 'visiting parents' and not cheating. But, we also never sang along to tunes in the car, never turned the lights on after a horror movie because we knew the other was afraid but wouldn't admit, never drove all the way to Belgium and back because we'd run out of the hard candies that we bought the day we met. Actually, writing this down, I feel like those were probably not the best examples I could have given — but that's the point, Daisy; I have no experiences to base any examples off of. I don't know any typical romantic behaviour because our relationship has just been two years of us walking directly into a wall — a soft one that doesn't hurt us, but that keeps us walking in place until the end of time.

When we met, you were a wreck. All that shit with Kitty had left you in a not-so-ideal situation, and you needed someone to lean on. You needed someone to talk to about the late nights, the constant lying, and the cheating you had both pretended wasn't obvious but was about as hidden as a pink unicorn in a classroom of teenagers. And, well, I love talking and always have — plus I had been wearing merch for the commentary guy we used to like, and you'd watched that creepy kids video about seventeen times. So, I'd offered to talk over coffee. You said yes, in case you'd forgotten. But, if you'd met me at any other time in your life, would you have considered that date at all? There's no need to answer it; I think we can both tell what your decision would have been.

I've said a lot so far, but I feel like I haven't said much at all. Okay, I'm going to outright say it because we've been going in circles for a while now even in this and I think you feel it too: I'm afraid. I know our relationship is getting us nowhere, and I know that you want to 'move on to the next chapter of life' — but call me selfish, I don't want that to happen. I've been clinging to you for a while now, as you've probably felt, and I'm not ready to let go. There, I said it — are you proud? I know what you're thinking: "But, Dani, didn't you say this is a breakup letter?" That I did. I'm not ready to let go, but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to the fact that I have to.

Our relationship was okay for about a month. You were getting a lot better, and were really starting to forget about how much Kitty had meant to you before she dumped you with your broken heart. It was great to see you smile so much, but then it started to become clear that the more you smiled, the worse our relationship got. That sounds like a bit of a paradox, to be honest. As you got happier, though, you got more and more stable and it didn't feel like there was much of a reason for us to stay. But, you felt you owed it to me, and I'd grown so attached to you. That attachment got stronger and stronger on my part, but it had never really been love. If I were neurodivergent, I'd probably say it was a hyperfixation. It just didn't quite die the way it should have. I lost a lot of affection towards you but I didn't lose the need for you, and I knew you had lost the need for me. You wanted to move on, and live your life with someone else who mattered to you the way I never did. But you stayed — that month, and the month after that, and the months after that.

The thing is, Daisy, we've never been good for one another. Here's the RomCom bit, I know how it sounds. But, how else do you put it? I've been trying to avoid saying it but we both know it's true. Have you ever seen that movie with all the singing where one of the characters decides to run horizontally? That's how it feels, Daisy. That's how it's always felt, running and never getting anywhere because there's no actual solid base to put our feet on. But we keep going — for whatever reason — and we keep thinking that things will change. I feel like that one quote, the one about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Let's face it, Daisy: we can't fix this. You've known we can't for a while now, but because you're so polite, you haven't told me to just sod off and call it a day. I'm so fucking scared to leave you, and so I've clung to you because you're too good to tell me to let go. But you should have. So what if it would have hurt me? In the long run, it would only be helpful. Hey, maybe in the multiverse, you actually did. But that's a story for another day, I think.

I want a happy ending, you know I do. And I want to have that happy ending with you. I want to be that couple that sings awful karaoke together even when they're not drunk. I want to be the couple that holds hands on the bus. I want to go all the way to fucking Italy just to get you that ice cream you love and somehow magically not have it melt on the way back to you — odd example, I know. Call me selfish, but I want everything, as long as it's with you. But that will never happen. You can try to salvage that first-month magic, try to bring back the little sparks we pretended were there, but you'd never be happy. We would never be happy.

Hence why this letter exists. I fucking love you, Daisy, you know I do. And maybe you think you love me too, but you don't. And if you stay with me any longer, you'll end up like that miserable married couple we constantly see screaming at one another across the street (so loudly I'm sure the people hear it in Switzerland). I love you, but I need to let you go.

I hope you find someone to ride bikes side by side with, dance together in the rain with, and who helps you feel the way you deserve to feel.

~ Dani

[reneefournierxo]

if i had a nickel every time a hot pirate was attracted to one of rhys darby’s characters i’d have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice

[bewareof12metersfrogs]

Warning: long rant. Probably messed up grammar. Not LXC-friendly.

So Pinterest gave me this:

And I was like

Ah yes, Lan Xichen.

I mean, I love that guy, but oh gosh that man is BLIND. Like, man's so blind Xue Yang could use him to slaughter people.

(I'm so sorry for that joke)

I really loved him when I first read the book, esp pre-Nightless City, but then I read it for the second (and third) time and that love turned into "uhh, I guess I kinda like him?"

I mean, in Sunshot Campaign arc, NMJ just got freaking tortured. He just got beaten, made to watch his men die, and his former deputy "betrayed" him -- and then LXC was just like, "oh da-ge CALM down, this is all part of OUR plan, A-Yao's our spy lol put Baxia away don't shout at him smh"

Why didn't LXC say to NMJ that the whole thing had been orchestrated? Okay, I get it, maybe he couldn't risk JGY getting caught, but couldn't he just tell NMJ, "hey, this is the plan. You're gonna get caught at Yangquan by WRH and our spy will take care of the rest of it" ? I'm pretty sure NMJ was angrier about his men getting slaughtered than himself getting beaten. NMJ is kinda like WWX; they were both idiots, but they cared about their people. Pretty sure he cared more about his men than himself. If he knew about the "plan", he'd most likely bring the disciples who were ready to die.

THEN LXC just went to NMJ like, "Hey let's be sworn brothers!". Xichen, dude, his wounds aren't even healed. I mean, it's a bit insensitive right?? I think it is. The whole sworn-brotherhood-right-after-shunshot-campaign thing still bothers me. To me, it seems like no one cared about NMJ. I mean, he was the leader of SC, people used his skills, his men, his everything, and then he was just, like, casted aside?? Pretty sure man's got PTSD. Also, qi deviation. Oh gosh I forgot about qi deviation.

Anyway, yeah, LXC was blind throughout the novel. I won't talk about the scene where Wangxian tried to tell him that A-Yao = bad, but I will talk about the scene where NHS decided to "use" his er-ge to kill his san-ge. Was it intentional? Perhaps. Was NHS lying? Maybe. Was it bad? Absolutely. Was it expected? Of course.

Let's put ourselves in NHS' shoes for a second. Your big bro, who is also the one who raised you and the only family you have left, died. People are quacking "oh it's the Nie curse, and isn't it such a tragedy?" BUT NO! One day you be minding your own business and then BAM you found out that da-ge'd been murdered and mutilated AND betrayed. So you started scheming for like a decade. Everything was going great, as great as a 10 years revenge plan could ever be. You just gotta wait for a few more hours, you just gotta listen to your nemesis' retelling his sad background story, you just gotta endure the pain of seeing your dead big bro wrecking havoc, and you'd have your revenge.

Then of course your er-ge, your big bro's best friend, gotta help your big bro's killer. He just gotta treat his wounds, huh? Pretty sure NHS was unstable. He was desperate and maybe even full of wrath. I understand that, at least, the same way I understand that maybe LXC tried to treat JGY's wounds because he still saw him as his brother -- he didn't want to lose another brother. But how about NHS? He was watching the man whom he thought was his brother treating the man who betrayed and murdered his actual brother. NHS was being a dick, yeah, but it was expected.

Think about this for a second. NMJ's corpse was still right there (and gosh, NHS had to sew his big bro's corpse by himself). NHS was RIGHT there, and LXC had the audacity to tend to JGY's wounds after the man himself admitted to his crimes. I think it's understandable if NHS felt at least insulted.

Also, he was perhaps sick of people not thinking that his big brother was as important as other people, that he was also a human being instead of just a war machine or even a mere tool that can be casted aside whenever they want to. Why did his brother have to die because of other people's greed and selfish decisions? Why did he have to lose the only family he had left forever and why did he have to just sit back and accept it?

Most importantly, LXC had been too blind for more than a decade too long.

Also, the bit about "You're Wangji's only mistake":

Bruh.

If WWX is LWJ's only mistake, then (trusting) LXC is NMJ's only mistake. I mean, sure, WWX is as dumb and oblivious as a rock, but can you really blame him?? HE WAS TRYING TO KEEP HIMSELF, HIS FAMILY, AND THE WEN REMNANTS ALIVE, DUDE'S GOT NO TIME TO THINK ABOUT FKING ROMANCE.

Sorry, I got carried away.

Anyway, are we just gonna ignore the fact that LWJ had been acting like he hated WWX since, like, the first time they met?? I mean, I really love LWJ, but his only mistake is his communication skills (or lack thereof).

But LWJ never gave up on WWX. He learned to express himself way better. Man's got dedication and he's not afraid to learn. I really love that about him.

Also, I understand that LXC was angry because LWJ took beatings to protect WWX, but I don't think he had the right to blame WWX for that. Yes, I know WWX did plenty of things wrong; he was extremely reckless and untrusting, but he never asked LWJ to protect him. LWJ did everything voluntarily. Ffs Xichen WWX didn't even know that LWJ did that. You know why? CAUSE HE WAS FKING DYING THAT'S WHY.

TLDR: LWJ was a grown ass man.

Okay. So, do I hate LXC? No. But do I find him flawed? Yes. But that's why I like MXTX's characters, including WRH, JGY, and LXC (the only exception are perhaps JGS and MXY's fam, and I think we all know why). They all have flaws. For me, LXC is too naive and blind, JGY is too power-hungry and selfish, and NMJ is too stubborn and unyielding. NHS? Well, he's a lot of things. He's manipulative, unsympathetic, and IMO he's got a problem with obsession too. He and JGY are alike, in my opinion. The main difference is their goals: JGY seeks power, NHS seeks revenge.

Everyone has flaws. LWJ and WWX have flaws too; they're EXTREMELY flawed. Heck, even our lord and saviour Shijie also has flaws, as much as it hurts me to type that.

Then why do I get so worked up about LXC's flaws? Honestly I don't really know. Maybe it's because I'm tired of (almost) the entirety of fandom treating him like a god, maybe because I'm tired of people who treat NHS like the devil himself, or maybe because I'm disappointed in him. I mean, JGY's our main villain, but I still love him so much. Heck, I love him even more than I love LXC. Bruh, nowadays I even like WRH more. At least that guy is downright evil and he looks cool while doing whatever evil things WRH does (I'm talking about the novel and donghua mmkay).

Anyway, this is the end of my rant. I apologise if I'm offending you, this is just something that's been bothering me since the first time I re-read MDZS. This whole thing is like a plot bunny but instead of a "plot", the bunny is shaped like a "rant". This is a rant bunny. I need to get this outta my head. I've edited this thing like four times already because I keep finding errors and stuffs. I also added like two new paragraphs.

I'm sad now.

[spicycreativity]

Howl - Chapter 1

Rating: Teen

Fic Content Warnings: Blood, injury, suggestive content, alcohol use

Characters: All

Pairing: Analogical, background Moceit because apparently I can't help myself

Add'l Notes: dw if you don't know what a loup-garou is or how the lore works; all is explained in the story / Have I ever been to Louisiana? No 💕Did I write an entire story set in rural-ish Cajun Louisiana anyway because I hate myself? Yes 💕 / If you're from Louisiana and noticed any screw-ups, pls correct me so I can fix it

It also comes with a playlist! For ambience, not necessarily for the lyrics

Summary:

Two things happen to Virgil Landry on Halloween:

1) Logan Doucet, his longtime friend and slightly-less-longtime crush, asks him out

2) He becomes cursed to spend his nights as a half-man, half-wolf monster: a loup-garou

Despite his new affliction, Virgil strives for normalcy all the way up until he can't anymore and everything falls apart.

The floorboards creaked in their familiar pattern as Virgil paced over them, his feet sliding around awkwardly in his over-the-knee boots. He was supposed to meet Logan alone in an hour, an hour! His heart thumped painfully under his ribs. What did Logan want?

Virgil yanked his phone out of his pocket to re-read the message for the 85th time, ignoring a few new messages in his assorted group chats:

Logan: If it's not inconvenient, could you meet me early at the Plaza tonight? Maybe 6:30?

Virgil: yeah sure 

Virgil: everything OK?

Logan: Yes :-)

What did it mean? Was everything okay? Or was Logan just lying to make him feel better? Because if so, it wasn't working. Virgil ran his hands through his hair, careful not to smudge his makeup. It had taken him an hour and a half to perfect his vampire makeup in the mirror and he didn't want to risk messing it up.

With a sigh that turned into a groan, Virgil threw himself down on his couch. It made the walls rattle, nearly displacing a few trinkets on his crappy, rickety shelves. He heard a tell-tale scrape above his head and knew that his favorite painting had gone crooked again. God, this place was a wreck-- Just like Virgil. He made a mental note to ask Patton for help patching up the leaky roof. It was as good a time as any, as they were well out of rainy season, but it did seem a little rude. What was he even supposed to say? Hey, Patton, I know carpentry is literally what you do for a living, but could you help me for free since I'm broke and sad? Thanks, bud. Yeah, right. He sighed again and tugged at his medallion, a rusted old thing with a glass gem in the center. He had picked it up from a thrift store months earlier in anticipation of Halloween, but maybe he should have made some effort to restore it. It smelled strongly of rust and decay and felt terrible between his fingers, all oily and sticky.

So far, the only saving grace of the day was that it wasn't raining now. Virgil had spent his workday in silent anxiety, eyeing the storm clouds through the shop window and rubbing a small piece of sunstone between his thumb and forefinger. It seemed to have worked, as the clouds had dispersed a little and allowed the watery light of the autumn sun to peek through.

Virgil's phone lit up with a few more messages in his group chats: Roman having hysterics over some detail of his costume, Janus and Remus discussing how to avoid the small army of toddlers that always ran rampant at the Halloween parade. Virgil ignored them all. He was in no mood to be friendly, would probably snap at them. Logan hadn't said anything since his message to Virgil, which he had presumably sent on his lunch break. The question haunted Virgil, that great unknown lurking behind him and instilling a fear that no ghost ever could: What did Logan want?

Virgil set his phone down and leaned forward, heaving a sigh that turned into a yawn. Great. Whatever. That meant he was on the verge of hyperventilating, his breathing already irregular. Damn it, Logan knew better than to leave him hanging like this! They'd known each other for so long and he'd always been more perceptive to Virgil's needs than the others.

Especially lately… They'd been spending more time alone, and Virgil couldn't deny the sweet, warm giddiness that enveloped him every time they were alone together. First meetings were always his favorite, seeing Logan's face light up with a smile. He hadn't dared to think that Logan might feel the same way, but it was getting harder and harder to keep his fantasies on a leash. Worst-case scenarios and best-case scenarios dueled in his head: Logan kissing him, Logan telling him they couldn't be friends anymore, Logan confessing, Logan announcing that he had some incurable disease.

Virgil grabbed his phone and jumped to his feet. He couldn't do this anymore, couldn't sit here and torture himself. He would just leave now. He would rather arrive freakishly early than face another minute of this self-inflicted torment 

He double and triple checked he had his wallet and his plastic fangs, which he

was planning on putting on later. The medallion bounced against his exposed chest as he walked and he wondered briefly if it might be more trouble than it was worth. He could always swap it out for one of his pendants, maybe amethyst to calm his nerves. But it looked so good against his skin, falling perfectly in the deep V of his flowy white poet shirt. Unlike his other necklaces, it screamed vampire. And Janus would tease him if he caught Virgil wearing a subpar costume, and then Roman would join in, and Remus, and it would turn into a whole thing . He could wear the stupid medallion for one night.

 -

Virgil regretted this decision as soon as he got his moped going. Even at its 30 mph crawl, the heavy necklace bounced against his chest in a maddening rhythm. At least it was distracting. Every time he started to worry about Logan, the erratic tap-tap-tap of cold metal on his chest brought him back to Earth.

It was a long ride into town down a windy country road. He hugged the shoulder as best as he could despite the lack of traffic; Virgil's neighbors were few, but they all liked to take corners at frighteningly high speeds. The one person who did drive by honked at him and flashed their lights. Virgil's heart dropped and he nearly flipped them off before he realized that they liked his costume. It occurred to him then that he must look pretty absurd: A vampire riding a purple moped, cape fluttering on the wind.

Upon reaching the Plaza, Virgil did a few laps around downtown, smiling at the spiderwebs decorating Vaillant City Hall. Another lap revealed that empty parking spots were already becoming scarce, so Virgil pulled into one and checked his phone. Nothing from Logan. Just more hysterics from Roman, and Patton's best attempts at comfort. Virgil rolled his eyes. Maybe Roman did need some tough love. He scanned through the messages to orient himself, to make sure he didn't look dumb, and then typed out his reply.

Virgil: look, Prince Charming. 2 rolls of body glitter is more than enough. Stop freaking out

Roman: That's DOCTOR Prince Charming to you

Virgil: :*

He put his phone away, tucked his keys in his pocket, and forced himself to walk slowly toward the Plaza. He was still excruciatingly early, but maybe he could pop into a bar or grab a coffee or even swing by his work-- Oh.

There, standing by the reflecting pool with his hands in his pockets, was Logan. Virgil smiled despite his nerves and sped up. Leave it to Logan to somehow be earlier than early.

"Hey, Data," Virgil said once he was in earshot.

Logan's face lit up, and even the yellow contacts he was wearing couldn't mask the fondness in his face. "Evening, Virge," he said. His smile dropped too quickly and he kept his hands shoved in his pockets. Virgil surveyed all this with dread. Was he reading too much into it? Most definitely. Could he stop? No way.

"Everything okay?" Virgil asked, tugging at his medallion and turning his nervous gaze upon the placid waters of the reflecting pool. Great. Now he had two awesome reasons to be nervous. It was an old Vaillant legend that anyone who disturbed the waters of the pool would be cursed, and Virgil did not mess with curses. He usually took pains to avoid the Plaza, even if it meant he had to take the long way to work.

"Yes, Virgil," Logan said in a voice that was far too breathy. He cleared his throat. "As you know, we have been friends for a long time. I…" He paused, blinked. "I forgot what I was going to say."

"Jeeze, Lo," Virgil tried to tease. "You're making me nervous."

"But I--" Logan ran a hand through his hair. "Virgil. I had prepared something far more eloquent than what I am about to say, but I can't seem to remember it at the moment. Forgive me if this comes across as confusing."

"All good," Virgil said, making only a minimal effort to hide his confusion. The medallion was cold and oily under his fingertips, but he couldn't stop messing with it, tugging at it, rattling the chain. He needed some outlet for all this nervous energy.

"We've been spending more time alone together and I

thought-- I wanted--" Logan touched his face and Virgil realized a second later he had tried to push up his glasses, which he wasn't wearing. Oh, how cute. "Virgil, I would like to go steady with you."

A rush of vertigo smacked into Virgil with such force that he had to take a step back just to keep his balance. "Go steady?" he heard himself say. "Like-- Like, boyfriends?"

"If you are amenable to that," Logan said, furiously running his fingers over the piping on his uniform. "If not, I-- We can pretend this never--"

"Yes," Virgil interrupted. "Yes, yes, yes. Logan, I do want that."

"Oh," said Logan, his face breaking into a smile. "Good."

Virgil clenched his fist around the medallion wondering if it was too soon to ask for a kiss. He took a breath and felt something give with a quiet snap. The broken chain snaked along his neck, dragged down by the weight of the pendant. Virgil watched in silent agony as the necklace landed in the water of the reflecting pool with a quiet splash. "Shit."

"Allow me," said Logan, already in motion.

"No!" Virgil caught his hand and held it. "The curse." He realized what he had done and let go of Logan's hand.

"I don't believe in such things, Virgil, but if it's important to you, then I'll leave it."

"Thank you." Virgil stared down at the water and sighed through his nose. He'd already disturbed the water. Would it be better to leave the necklace or take it out? Littering seemed more disrespectful, he supposed. So he bent and grabbed the necklace before he could change his mind. "I'll, uh, de-curse-ify myself later."

Logan nodded, looking preoccupied. "Let me know if I can help. I might be able to repair the chain."

"Actually," said Virgil, stuffing the wet necklace into his pocket, "I was wondering if maybe, um…"

"Yes?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Please do."

Virgil closed his eyes so he wouldn't get weirded out by Logan's contacts. He had been expecting a short kiss, sweet and chaste, but Logan's hand tightened in the loose fabric of Virgil's poet shirt and his teeth grazed Virgil's bottom lip. Fuck propriety, then; the Plaza was still fairly empty. Virgil raised a hand to grab a fistful of Logan's hair and ran his tongue along the edge of Logan's lip.

They were interrupted by a wolf whistle and golf claps. "I'll be damned." Crap. Why did it have to be Janus? He was never going to let Virgil live this down.

Virgil pulled away so fast it made pain shoot through his neck. He exhaled sharply and covered the area with his hand for all the good it would do, turning to face Janus with a blush blooming on his cheeks. "What are you supposed to be?" he asked, looking Janus up and down. Janus had always been unnecessarily private about things that really didn't matter. He had evaded all of Virgil's attempts to guess his costume, and now presented wearing an old-fashioned suit including top hat, gloves, and cane.

"Don't change the subject," said Janus, dismissing Virgil with a wave.

In true vampire fashion, Virgil snarled and bared his teeth, then remembered something. "Oh, shit, my fangs!" He dug in his pocket for them, leaving Janus to do… whatever he was going to do.

"Logan, I presume?" Janus asked. Virgil stopped in the process of sticking on one tooth, heart hammering again. Janus and Logan had never met, and they could both be… a bit much in their own ways.

Logan nodded. "Logan Doucet." He held out his hand for a shake.

Janus took it. "Thank God you didn't bother to paint your face, else Virgil would have more than smudged lipstick to contend with. You've got some on your mouth, by the way."

"Thank you," Logan said stiffly. He withdrew his hand and used it to wipe away the lipstick stain on his face. "Nice to meet you, Professor Moriarty."

Virgil's eyes darted back to Janus, who smiled. "When I'm not acting as the Napoleon of Crime, you can call me Janus. Janus Bellefontaine."

"Where's Remus?" Virgil interjected, looking around. "Didn't he ride with you?"

"He got waylaid by some angry mothers because his costume made their kids cry," Janus said, nonchalantly running a

fingertip over the brim of his hat. "He'll be along." To Logan, he said, "Virgil tells me you're an accountant."

"Yes," said Logan. 

"And you haven't killed yourself yet, so I assume you must like it."

Virgil busied himself sticking his fangs onto his canines so he wouldn't worry about the conversation at hand. A sideways glance at Logan revealed that he seemed to find the comment amusing, thank God . "I've always been good with numbers. People, less so."

"Never would have guessed," Janus said, and Virgil didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling that crooked, tight-lipped smile that might have been genuine or might have been mocking. Asshole. "Well, if you have any rich clients, send them my way, won't you? I sell nice suits to dumb men with low self-esteem and too much money and I'm always on the lookout for another rube to swindle."

"If the suits are any good, I'd be happy to," Logan said.

Satisfied that his fangs were in properly, Virgil's attention shifted suddenly to the cold, wet medallion in his pocket. Right. He was cursed. Despite his interest in the occult and the supernatural, Virgil didn't have much experience with curses. His friends weren't really the type to play around with magic (well, maybe Janus, maybe- maybe Roman) and he wasn't the kind of guy who made enemies. No one had ever cursed him before. How soon would this one take effect? Should he go home and come back? Should he hop into the bayou, makeup be damned? Did bayous even count as running water?

He was so caught up in his panic spiral that the sudden sensation of hands on his shoulders made him jump. "Fuck!"

To his surprise it was Roman, not Remus, who laughed from somewhere behind him. "What, are Logan and Janus boring you?"

Virgil looked up and flinched again. While Roman looked relatively normal in his glittery Doctor Frank-n-Furter costume, Remus, who was lurking just behind his brother, was a horrorshow of fur and face paint and fake blood. "Um…" He shook himself and noticed Patton standing a ways off, peering at Remus. Distracted, he went to introduce Patton to Remus and Janus only to learn that he and Roman had run into Remus on their way over and rescued him from a brigade of shouty young mothers.

"He's Macavity," Patton said in a tone like he was pronouncing the death of the family goldfish.

"The other Napoleon of Crime," Janus agreed. "And you are?"

"Patton Haydel!"

A pause. "I gathered that. " Janus gestured at Patton's costume, which he had also kept a secret. Virgil had been staring at it as well, trying to figure it out. Patton was wearing what appeared to be a headless bear costume, round glasses, and what might have been a cowboy hat, though Virgil wasn't 100% sure. "What are you?"

"You have to guess!" Patton said, extending his arms and backing up so everyone could get a good look at him.

Virgil stared at him, running his tongue over the edges of his plastic fangs. "I got nothin'."

Logan took a sideways step and tapped Virgil's hand. Virgil nodded, and Logan interlaced their fingers as casually as he might clock in for work. "He's Teddy Bear Roosevelt."

They all groaned. "Good work, Pat," Virgil said begrudgingly.

"You have a big wet spot on your crotch," Remus pronounced, pointing at Virgil.

Janus raised his eyebrows, turning to Virgil with undisguised schadenfreude, but Logan stepped in before anyone could say anything. "It's water. He dropped his necklace in the reflecting pool."

"Well," said Patton, "that's not good."

"You dropped something in the reflecting pool and didn't immediately run for the nearest source of running water?" Janus asked. He looked from Virgil to Logan, then to their intertwined fingers and grinned. "Ah. More pressing matters at hand?"

"Maybe it's not too late," Roman said, drumming his acrylic nails against his thigh. "We can still dump him in the bayou."

"There's alligators in there!" Virgil said. "Fuck that. You know my house is plastered with wards. I'm sure I can make it through one evening."

"Your funeral," said Remus, leering. "Let me know if your dick falls

off.

 -

Despite his friends' concern, Virgil had a wonderful evening. Logan stuck close the whole night through, and they even snuck a few kisses here and there like infatuated teenagers. Each one sent a lightning thrill down Virgil's spine and made him want a dozen more. His friends noticed in turns and either teased or cooed, but each reaction was encouraging.

Logan kissed him goodbye at the end of the night and he practically floated back to his moped. He was so caught up in his daydreams that he only remembered the curse when he caught sight of the nazar hanging on his kitchen wall. Cursing under his breath, Virgil went to his bookshelf and began to compile a few methods of curse-breaking. Did a shower count as running water? God help him, he was not getting in the bayou. Maybe he could combine methods.

A few moments later, Virgil had everything set up in the bathroom. He lit the last candle, tightened the herb sachet around his neck, and stepped into the shower. Okay, time to focus. He was washing himself free of the curse and wouldn't it be nice if Logan were here? Logan didn't believe in magic and his clear-headed confidence would undoubtedly make Virgil feel better, too-- Focus! Wash away the curse. Logan would probably help him if he asked, helping Virgil set up the crystals and making sure his candles stayed lit-- Virgil! The curse! Wash away the curse.

The bathroom smelled of candles, incense, and herbs. Almost like Virgil's workplace, except that Virgil was using lavender and his boss preferred nag champa.

He stepped out of the shower and inhaled deeply, letting the mixture of scents relax him and draw him toward sleep.

[theraypeutical]

PAUL IS SO CUTEEE YK IT MAY BE THE KHAO BIAS INSIDE ME BUT HE'S LEGIT SO CUTE & ALL I WANNA DO IS HUG HIM & PROTECT HIM & I JUST WANT THE BEST FOR HIM HE'S ALREADY SACRIFICED SO MUCH SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE AROUND HIM 😔 KSJSHS IT WAS SO FUNNY WATCHING HIM ADORABLY DENY PHIPHU'S CONFESSION 😭 “that is not in the script”“it's called improvising right” “that is not in the script”“it's called improvising right” 😭😭 my awkward baby i love him so much

ALSO THE WAY OLDER SONGPOL WAS LIKE “I HAVEN'T MADE MY DECISION” “I HAVEN'T GIVEN HIM MY ANSWER YET” WAS SO WHOLESOME BUT LIKE ALSO SO SAD???? HE'S HARDLY EVER GOT TO MAKE A DECISION FOR HIMSELF & I CAN SIMPLY IMAGINE HOW DEVASTATED HE WAS TO FEEL LIKE HE COULDN'T GIVE PHIPHU A RESPONSE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE LOST HIS CHANCE AGAIN WHEN HE TURNED TO HIS OLDER SELF TEMPORARILY !!

it's probably a tiny detail i noticed but 👏👏 to the actor

i mean i don't know what's in store for them but i'm already a wreck. are they gunna tell phiphu that paul is actually his uncle songpol? if yes how will phiphu take it? the heartbreak surrounding this whole thing? will paul just disappear instead? which is not possible but whatever! for a second i found it so convenient that paul turned into his older self. i was like now Paul wouldn't have to confront phiphu again 🙁 & even for san?? like prim's husband wouldn't be able to do anything either ??? because well he turned ... but apparently it doesn't last...

anways im kinda excited for the next ep let's see what's in store for paul × phiphu 💔 but like i wonder what paul is gunna tell mathee too ....

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

Alright, so if you've been following along with me, Supernatural season 3 starts out on a trio of episodes that are Really Fun, slides into some episodes that are Pretty OK, then takes a real nose dive into Bummersville. Hoo boy guys, I really hope that this season picks up. I mean, it won’t, but I can still dream. 2021 was maybe not the year to start watching this season. Fair warning.

The next three episodes for this season are just, like, real downers. First we get “Fresh Blood,” which, aside from the terrible title, starts out on a high note. Gordon (gross) somehow manages to catch up with Bela (HOW??) and threatens her if she doesn’t hand over the Winchesters. Bela, in all of her class and grace, won’t give them up because she has a high price point and Gordon is really lowballing her here. Just like, yes, ok, please stay forever, you’re amazing and I love you. And what a scene this is! You have two characters, one with a strict moral code (albeit one that allows for violence and winning at all costs) and the other with almost NO moral code, but an allegiance that can be bought with the best price and it’s such a fun back and forth until Gordon pulls out a gun. And then she pulls out her phone and just has Dean on speed dial and that’s maybe my fav part. Bela has run into the Winchesters twice and they maybe legit hate her but she’s very much like, oh yeah, my BFF’s the Winchesters, I love those idiots!

I love that we come back to this moment later in the episode when Bela, like, three days later, is like, Oh! I guess I should warn the Winchesters that some crazy guy is after them! She’s just so casual about it you kind of get the feeling that, even though technically Gordon was threatening her life, she doesn’t view him as A Threat. She gives the Winchesters a heads up just to be like oh yeah, you might want to watch out for this mild inconvenience, and she seems legit shocked when Dean freaks out. There’s this moment that plays across her face like, oh shit, did I...did I fuck up? And it adds a nice bit of depth to her character. She’s seems honestly worried, both for the lives of the Winchesters but also that Dean won’t like her anymore and that is just a charming bit of A C T I N G!

I am gonna miss her SO MUCH when she dies at the end of this season. WHY did we CANCEL HER???

But despite the fun beginning, this episode is about monsters and how people become monsters and how other people are probably the reason. Because our main baddie is a vampire who hunts to...well, listen if we look at the facts that he lays out in his monologue, it’s a little more tragic - he’s trying to replace the daughters that he lost hundreds of years ago, cool motive, still murder. In practice though, he goes around turning hot blonde coeds into vampires and then ?????? Who knows. I’d like to believe that this was a problem with the CW executives or maybe casting/directing and not with the writing, but it’s SPN and you really can’t be sure with anything. The fact is, this is a CW show from the early 2000’s and a lot of their extras are cast to type. And that’s maybe me exhibiting some girl-on-girl crime, but there are other episodes that did a much less blatantly gross job casting their extras/Very Special Guest Stars.

Anyway, the POINT of this guy is that he’s a monster because someone killed his daughter and he’s just been trying to fill that grief hole inside of him for centuries. This is not unlike Gordon, who ALSO has been trying to fill a grief hole that he’s had for decades, except he’s not killing people and resurrecting them as blood suckers, he’s just killing them. And then, when the Vamp decides to turn Gordon it’s a real sweet moment of comeuppance for like, a HOT second and then you’re like, awww dude, ya done f’ed up. That was a bad idea. You’ve made a HUGE mistake.

More importantly, our Vampire In Question finally runs into the Winchesters and get’s to say things like “I was desperate! You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?” and also “I just ... I didn't care anymore. Do you know what it's like when you just don't give a damn? It's like ... it's like being dead already.” and Dean’s v. much like, THIS IS TOO REAL ROY.

Sam may ALSO be feeling Too Real feelings because he is DONE dicking around with Gordon and honestly yes, I like this, this is good Sam development. It’s nice to know that Sam has a breaking point. And I admit I’m of two minds about this moment because 1) I love the idea of Dark!Sam this season and that maybe Sam’s decision to actually kill Gordon is just one step in that process but 2) I ALSO love the idea of Sam Lite finally having a breaking point and Gordon is IT. I don’t know which theory I like more in this scenario, but they are both good theories.

I think as much as this episode wants to draw parallels between the monsters and Dean (thank you artful editors), you can’t look at the “I’ve lost everyone I ever loved,” line and not think of Sam? Cuz he’s got one (1) person left in his life that hasn’t died horribly, so how desperate is he about to get through the end of this season? I’ve definitely been watching this season with eyes on all the ominous Dean foreshadowing, but the Sam foreshadowing is also there, just buried under the heavy weight of a thousand smulders and suicidal levels of denial.

And also, FUCK the tag on this episode! Guys, it is CUTE but it is also HORRIBLE. Dean starts teaching Sam how to fix the Impala and at first it’s all, “Oh! Adorable Brothers Being Brothers!” and I loved it but then I almost immediately hated it because you realize this is about making sure Sam can get along without him once he’s gone and Dean just accepts his own death with such casual ease that it’s just...INFURIATING!

This scene was rude and I HATE IT!

Cut to - “A Very Supernatural Christmas” Special!

Guys, I was so excited when I got to this episode. THIS is Classic Supernatural Shenanigans. Plus, you know a Holiday Special is the ultimate sign that this show has Made It, right? Or it could be a sign that they’re selling out, who knows, but I think we can say that at this point in the series, SPN is established enough to start having fun with their fans. That’s what this says to me. BUT THEN what we get is like...oh boy.

First - like, I’mma beat this horse to death, but what is WRONG with this FAMILY? John Winchester very quickly devolved into the sort of father that forgot about every single holiday and did not ever, even a little bit, make up for it. It’s not a surprise, but it kind of wrecked me seeing a flashback where Baby Dean is just so attached to a father who can’t be bothered to actually care for his children. I know he’s not in this episode because Jeffrey Dean Morgan was tied up in other projects, but the fact that John doesn’t show up at the end to button the flashbacks with a But then he DID show up for Christmas! just makes this plot line that more gutting. And despite Dean’s hero worship of their father, this is maybe the Christmas where Baby Sam stops believing in his own father. The only bright side to this is that it continues to enforce the fact that Bobby should have sued John for custody. Bobby should maybe STILL Sue for custody so that Dean at least would feel like someone wants him for once in his life, damnit.

And then we wrap this episode up with the Best Worst Christmas of all, because we see Sam start to...also?? accept that Dean is about to die? Cuz that’s what this episode is really about - Dean’s Last Christmas. And everything about that makes me ~ u p s e t ~.

So Sam decides to put his curmudgeonly grinchy attitude aside in order to make it a special day for Dean and ugh. UGH. UGHGHGHG. Season three is the worst guys, and I can’t believe I didn’t realize that until right this second now.

So let’s wrap this up with "Malleus Maleficarum", honestly an episode that is mostly forgettable until we get to, like, the last five minutes. Sure, witches and curses and selling your soul, woohoo whatever.

But then we get some real Ruby centric reveals and like, WHAT is happening?? First off, the scene where Ruby and Tammy have a moment is a real Moment. There is some baggage and tension here and it is heavy. And then Tammy drops the mic when she reveals that Ruby used to be human.

THEN, Ruby legit saves their asses by killing Tammy with a fancy magic knife. Ok, Dean does the actual killing, but Ruby brought the fancy magic knife. So between the hot and heavy tension with “Tammy” and her repeated attempts to keep the Winchesters alive, we’re left wondering what IS Ruby’s deal? I personally wonder how much of the show’s mythology the show actually has figured out at this point? Because interviews with Kripke definitely walk the line between “Oh we definitely have this whole thing worked out,” and “yeah, we’re sort of finding things as we go along,” which is maybe why it’s able to last as long as it does. More on that later.

Of course the big kicker is the final scene between Ruby and Dean. Dean is almost on board with Ruby at this point in the season, and much like his scene with the demon in “Sin City”, they share a kind of vulnerable moment together where Ruby admits that, yeah, she was human once and yeah, Hell will destroy you, body and soul, and yeah Dean’s worst fear will probably come true - he will become the thing he hunts, no ifs, ands or buts about it. And Dean knows that Ruby knows that Dean knows that there’s no way to save Dean from his fate, but they both agree that they can’t take Sam’s last ounce of hope away from him because, for both of them, Sam is their hope. Ruby and Dean both see the war happening around them and they know that with Dean gone, Sam’s maybe the last guy holding back the tide to save all humanity.

Which, honestly? Bull shit. Do you know how many hunters are out there? Neither do I, but this season seems to indicate that there are a LOT. We have barely scratched the surface on the hunter community and it’s a damn shame that they are all weirdo loners because there is a war going on. You know what works great in a war? An ARMY. Buncha mentally unstable, martyr-complex ijits who can’t put their differences aside for one damn MINUTE so that maybe, JUST maybe, the could actually defeat the evil they’ve spent their entire lives dedicated to fighting. And if Ruby and Dean wanted to help Sam, what they should probably do is get him plugged in to that community. I do believe that of all they backasswards, self-obsessed, painfully anti-social crazies out there, the Winchesters are THE WORST.

Listen tho, this was like, a solid scene between these two. Just a lot of work goin' into this and it paid off.

Anyway, back to the mythology for a hot second - This sort of loosey-goosey stumbling into your own world building is probably another one of those things that you’ll only really get in a show with this many episodes per season? It’s that room to play and experiment and just make stuff up as you go along. I think the slow drip method of releasing episodes ALSO helps in this scenario because you’re able to see what fans are reacting to in almost-real time. When viewers are binging episodes, I think you're less likely to see what specifically they’re reacting to and more wholistically they’re reacting to. And that’s not to say you won’t see those specific things that they like/love eventually, but by the time you get there, your season’s been produced in its entirety and you’ll have to bear that in mind for (hopefully) next season. But with SPN, they were writing and producing the show at the same time that some of the episodes were airing. That’s why they were able to make decisions on the fly, based on what fans responded to. And definitely by this point in the show, there was a sizeable and vocal fan base that made their feelings VERY well-known. We’re only in season three, but they’ve already had a number of con appearances and a pretty active online presence. That kind of feedback has got to be helpful, from a writing perspective, but it also allows for things like characters getting cut because nobody liked them for some dumb reason. BUT, if you’re fighting to stay on the air for 100 episodes or longer, responding to fan reactions is what’s gonna do it and that’s a fact.

[moody-bloosh]

I'm gonna add more heat by imagining s/O founding out she's pregnant after divorcing Bruno, perhaps she moved out and cut contact with Bruno,a few months into her pregnancy she met a man named risotto and fall in love again,Risotto treat her child as his and once her little angel is born, risotto is thrilled!he finally have a family, when your kid was around 5 Risotto suggested moving the back to Naples, she hesitate for a bit but then agree(1/2)

Anonymous said: For awhile after moving back, she didn't meet Bruno and it's almost as if he disappeared from her memories, but a part of her remember him as she saw her child, her Blue eys and deep black hair reminds her so much of him, she thought she wouldn't even saw him but that changed one day when she were at the store with her that she bumped into a familiar face (2/2)

hhnnNNnnNGggGG yES im so weak for this SKADnklasn this IS SO GREAT AHH (tagging this offshoot of cheater!bruno with rebound!risotto lol) 

yandere stuff so its under the cut! 

oh man i can see it as like, you knew you were pregnant and you decided. yeah, maybe you could handle being bruno’s second choice, but you would absolutely not stand for bruno making your child into a second choice. you tried to tell him, tried to share the good news with him but he was always blowing you off in favor of his lovers. and you decided right then and there that, that was the last straw. 

he didn’t deserve to know... and you just couldn’t stand being the couple that had their marriage salvaged by having a kid. your child didn’t deserve that and you didn’t want to subject them to that. so you make the choice to leave when bruno blows you off just as you’re about to tell him the news. 

bruno will react mostly the same, he’ll beg you to come back to him. but you stand firm in your decision to ask for a divorce. you meet risotto a few months after your divorce is finalized, bruno still tries to keep tabs on you every now and then. but oh, what’s this now? why were you with a new man? why were you holding a baby in your arms? 

he doesn’t even realize the baby is his, he’s too blinded by jealousy. that perfect picture of a happy family, that was supposed to be his. he falls into this spiral, and his jealousy gets even nastier when he finds out who risotto really is. he keeps close tabs on you. he stews in his jealousy, risotto took away his wife, his family. 

(oh, the day he found out that kid was actually his. his office was wrecked. how dare that risotto nero usurp his position? it was unforgivable, absolutely unforgivable...) 

when he finds out that you guys are moving to naples. you best believe that bruno has had plans set in place to get you to come back to him. he makes sure to, conveniently run into you at the store, drop some line about how, “even after all this time, you’re still the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen.” 

he ignores the fear that lights up your eyes, the wariness that punctuates your every movement, the way you hold onto your child’s hand a little tighter, how you shield them with your body. 

“what do you want, bruno?” 

“I just want to talk.” 

you tell your child to hurry off and find their dad (riSOTTO IS LOST IN THE SOUP AISLE PLS) and when your child runs off, bruno turns on you. his mask of civility replaced by jealousy, “how dare you lie to our child’s face like that? that monster isn’t their father and you know it, i am.” 

“the only monster i see here is you, bruno,” you hiss back at him, “and risotto is more of a father than you ever were.” 

“only because you ran away without even telling me.” bruno’s voice breaks a little as he tries to reach out to you, his heart twists painfully as he watches you flinch away from him. “why didn’t you tell me, amore?” 

“because you made it very clear that i was never your first choice.” 

bruno looks stricken at your cold tone but the remorse the blossoms in his chest comes to be replaced with venom as he watches ris walk up to you, your child on his shoulder. as he and risotto glare at each other, he makes the painful choice to retreat for now. mumbling a, “this isn’t over,” under his breath. bruno exits the store, already making it a point to contact some necessary people. 

he was going to get his family back again. 

[ahgaseforeternity]

Jackson’s Concert part 1

(A tad long, but worth it)

THE MUSIC WAS EUPHORIC AS YOU STOOD UNDERNEATH the stadium lights that were flashing bright. Laser beams of all different colors danced throughout the giant arena, filled with fans dancing to the insane beat. You weren't going to come tonight, but in the end, your heart couldn't help it.

You swayed along with the crowd, raising your hands high up in the air. This song, you knew it by heart.

But, of course you did. It was about you. He had written it about you.

That thought brought you back down to earth. From where you stood amongst the crowd, it was amazing that Jackson hadn't seen you yet. You were right there in front of him. You could reach your hand out and touch the stage if you wanted to. The screaming fans surrounding you seemed to be doing it.

You kept your hands to yourself though. You knew you shouldn't be here, but it had been a year since you last saw him.

Jackson and you didn't keep in contact much, if at all. Even though you thought about him everyday since. The only way you knew what was going on was through his Instagram and your family friend, Julia, who happened to be part of Team Wang. That's actually how Jackson and you met.

Julia had told you about this really amazing, funny guy she knew and thought he would be perfect for you, since you had just gotten out of a very, very bad relationship with some wannabe, washed up actor. You remember thinking 'what the heck?' You had nothing to lose.

Oh, how you had been wrong.

You pulled your phone out, trying hard to hold on to it. The girls behind you had been pushing and pushing just to get closer. had held your ground, but you did not want to accidentally drop your phone. There was no way you would get it back in one piece with everyone dancing and jumping around.

Your fingers scanned your scene and you tapped the first name on your messenger.

When he's done singing On The Rocks, meet me just outside the backstage doors. Give the guards my name, they know you'll be coming back.

You bit your lip. You felt your heart speed up. Were you really doing this? You weren't going to actually see Jackson, there was no way. That was the only reason you took the tickets Julia offered. Wasn't it? When Julia had told you Jackson would be coming to New York City for part of his world tour, you didn't know what to think.

That last time you heard from him, he'd been in China. He had been building up his company more.

The same company he had launched not too long after you broke up. You noticed that he went with your color ideas for the bright, neon beanies. Jackson loved his hats, and he looked damn good in them. He was wearing one now that was drenched from him dumping a water bottle on himself. He threw it into the raving crowd. You knew out there some fan was freaking out over being able to have something so simple as Jackson Wang's water bottle.

Where you had gotten the full thing, and still walked away. It brought fresh tears to your eyes.

You hurried and tried to squeeze your way through the swooning fans, making your way towards the backstage doors.

Cement walls with different bands and singers lined the walls as you drew up to two beefy looking security guards. You gave them your I.D and they nodded their heads in unison. You pushed through the door to utter chaos.

There were people running all which way, making sure those in the audience could have the best experience they ever possibly could. Jackson wouldn't want anything less. He'd always been that way.

Even with you.

You found a green, velvet couch and plopped yourself down so you were out of the way.

"Y/N? Y/N!"

You immediately jumped back up and awkwardly laughed as you took your friend in. Julia squealed as she wrapped her arms around you. You squeezed her back.

"Oh, Julia. I've missed you." You exclaimed into her ear. She squeezed you a little harder. "Oh, Y/N! I've missed you too! Oh my gosh, you look amazing. Jackson is going to DIE when he see's you."

You widened your eyes. "What?" Could she feel you shaking? You hoped not.

"Yeah, he has to see you! Oh, come on, Y/N, don’t give me that look. Are you telling me that the only reason you came tonight was to see me?" Julia was giving you that 'look' with her thick eyebrows lifted.

"Of course." You knew it was a lie.

Julia just shook her head at that. "Y/N, I love you and I have missed you, but there is no way I'm letting you leave tonight without your gorgeous ass being checked out by Mr. Wang himself. Besides, he asked me about you before we landed last night."

You felt your heart lurch. She couldn't be talking about Jackson. There was no way. You and him have hardly spoken. He couldn't have been asking about you.

"No, Julia there's no way. I came back here to just be with my best friend, okay? I don't need to see him. Besides, I don't want to ruin his night. He seemed to be having the time of his life out there." You stated, while Julia pulled you through the room that lead to a open hall way.

You could see the stairs that lead up to the stage. If Jackson came down them right now, he'd see you. You bit your lip against that thought. Julia tugged you into what seemed to be the refreshments room. Bottled water, fruits, yummy snacks were laid out on a long table.

"Do you want something to eat? We have plenty!" Julia asked.

There was no way you were going to be able to keep food down right now. Not with the major butterflies that were going on. You simply shook your head. Julia shrugged, picking up an apple, and bite into it.

You heard someone yelling Julia's name. She groaned in annoyance. Same ole' Julia it seemed.

She placed the apple in your hand. "Hold this for me, I'll be right back! Just stay here." She motioned with her hands. You watched her scurry out the door.

You sighed. This had been a bad idea. You might've thought coming back here had nothing to do with Jackson, but in your heart you knew you'd be kidding yourself. You wanted to see him, but what would you even say?

Hey Jackson, looking good.

Oh, Jackson, fancy meeting you back here.

Jackson, I still love you, do you still love me?

They all sounded terrifying. You placed Julia's apple on a napkin, and reached for a water bottle. It gave you something to focus on. You twisted the cap and gulped it. You lifted it from your lips to see you had drank about half. It wasn't doing anything for your nerves. You still felt like your skin was going to explode. You drank some more.

As you dropped the now empty bottle you turned to throw it in the trash that was just by the door. Just as the bottle was in the air, someone appeared just in front of it. The bottle hit them square in the chest. Thank goodness it was empty. You have always had terrible aim.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I was just throwing it—.”

"Y/N?"

You stopped.

You hadn't realized. In the dim lighting of the room, you hadn't recognized the piercing eyes, the silky hair that looked to be drenched with sweat. Jackson was staring at you like he was seeing a ghost. It had only been a year, but still. Being this close to him again, it sucked the air out of you. Jackson seemed to have that power with him. Whenever he entered a room, every eye was drawn to him.

When you were together though, he only had eyes for you.

Those very eyes were boring into yours. His rose bud lips were parted. Gosh, his perfect lips.

"What— Y/N, what are you doing here?"

His voice seemed to snap you from the trance his lips had on you. The thought made you bite your own. You watched his hands fist at his sides, holding the beanie he had been wearing.

"I um, I came to see the show. Oh, and Julia."

"Julia?" Jackson seemed to confused.

"Yes. I promise she was just here, but someone called her name, then she left, giving me her apple and told me just to stay here, so I did. I grabbed a water, I hope that's okay. Their your waters right? Gosh, I'm sorry." You were mumbling. You always mumbled when you were nervous, and right now you were a wreck.

Jackson looked down at his booted feet. He bent down and picked up the water bottle that you meant to throw away. You could see your lipstick around the rim of it. Jackson narrowed his eyes. "This water bottle?"

"Uh, yes. I meant to throw it in the garbage, but you know me, zero aiming skills." You huffed out with a nervous laugh.

Oh gosh, you were being ridiculous. This wasn't going the way you had imagined. Jackson clenched the bottle in his hand, as his eyes scanned you from top to bottom. Your face felt like it was on fire.

You could see the memories playing out in his eyes. He was thinking about all the times you laughed together. All the times you stayed in and cooked dinner together because it was better than going out. All the times you had said his name into the night, and all the times he had said yours.

You had loved each other. He had once told you he dreamed of having a love just like his parents, and you always wondered if someday you'd have that. Now, now that was all ruined. That dream had to of been flushed down the drain.

"I thought you never wanted to see me again?" Jackson stated, taking one step towards you.

You parted your lips in surprise at the words that were so close to the ones you had yelled at him a year ago. You had told him you never wanted to see him again. That whatever you had, was over. You had meant them then. You hadn't wanted to see him again. Jackson needed to focus on his career. You knew that. His manager knew that. Jackson was the only one that didn't.

That's when you made the decision. He had to focus on it, and he couldn't be tied down. That's what you were. You were a tither, keeping him from chasing his dreams. So you cut the tie.

"Yeah, those words were a little harsh huh?" You tried to laugh through your wince. His face was steel. You gripped your purse that was over your shoulder, fumbling the chain.

"You know what? I'll just go, yeah, that'd probably be best." You made your way for the door, but found yourself being stopped by a warm hand that was wrapped around your wrist. You gasped at Jackson's contact.

You barely had time to turn around as he pulled you down the hall into a different room. This room was darker, and had another couch. You saw Jackson's favorite pair of sneaks, and knew this had to be his room, or more over, the main entertainers room.

He turned around to shut the door, and you heard it click closed. Jackson locked you in with him. You felt your skin starting to prickle where his fingers still held your wrist. His eyes met yours then.

"Why, Y/N? Why the hell are you here? Are you here to just torture me? Are you here to rub your happy life in my face?" Jackson looked livid.

What was he talking about? Your happy life? You weren't happy. You hadn't been this whole year.

"What are you talking about Jackson? I didn't come here to rub anything in your face. I just came to see a friend, that's it." You lied. You had to lie. You knew the odds were high of running into him here, but you weren't here to rub anything in his face, you only just had to see him. Possibly one last time.

He gripped your shoulders roughly, and pushed you back, until you were against the far wall. You gasped in surprise, as your feet stumbled. He was so close, you could smell him. He didn’t smell like sweat. He smelled like home.

You watched his eyes soften as he stared at you.

"A friend? I used to be your friend too, remember."

Of course you remembered. He was your best friend. He knew you better than you knew yourself. He was always there, even on those days he was so busy, he still made time for you.

That's why you had to end things.

"Of course. You'll always be my friend Jackson." You uttered. It wasn't a complete lie. Jackson would always matter to you, but you didn't want to just be his friend. You never have.

His eyes hardened again. "We've barely even talked, Y/N. It's been a year. A year, and I hear nothing, nothing from you."

You could feel your skin burning. "Well, what would you have wanted me to say Jacks? That I hope you're doing well? Asking how China is, or your sister? I didn't want to know those things."

"Why?"

"Because Jackson..." You groaned.

"Because why?!" He gripped your shoulders harder.

"Because I missed you enough already, okay!" You shouted against him. His eyes widened at your outburst. You melted against the wall in defeat.

"I didn't ever reach out to you because I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know how well things were going. I know that's selfish. I know it's selfish for me to even come here, but I had to Jackson. I had to see you just at least once." Your voice was full of desperation. You didn't care.

"You looked amazing up there. They love you, Jackson. It's everything you ever wanted."

His eyes were hazy as they bore into yours. "Not everything."

You sighed at his words. His eyes drifted to your lips then. His stare sent bolts of lightning through your veins. It was making you shiver.

A knock sounded at the door, causing you both to jump.

"Jackson! The cars ready for you." Someone stated through the door.

"Okay, thanks," was all Jackson said back. You both listened as the feet retreated. He stumbled away from you, lifting his burning touch from your shoulders. You missed that touch.

"Where are you staying?"

He met your eyes again. He looked torn. You didn't blame him. Talking to him was opening up wounds for you too. Cuts that never truly healed.

"The Hyatt Centric in Times." He exclaimed. You simply nodded your head.

"Well, I'm sure you and your team are exhausted. I'll get going." You realized that your purse had fallen to the floor. It must've been when Jackson had knocked you backwards. You bent down to pick it up, and made for the door.

He didn't stop you this time. You almost wish he had. You felt so pathetic. You showed up to what? Bare your heart and soul to a man that didn't need you anymore? He had fans that adored him. He didn't need you to adore him. You let the tears fall freely, as you held your hand out and called for a taxi.

[lightsburnbrite]

Things We Do for Love: Part 4

Third part to Such a Thrill and The Devil is in the Details 

Watching Karina walk down the steps with Elsa next to her and a slightly smaller version of the same dog trying to find her footing behind, Leon couldn't help but to smile. He stepped out of his car and immediately embraced Karina as soon as she was within reach. He would have stayed that way longer except Elsa nudged her way in-between them and promptly laid herself at Leon's feet for a belly rub.

"She's missed you." Karina smiled too as she watched them interact. It only lasted a moment before Ember decided to insert herself into the mix as well. "Ok, girls, let's give him some space."

Leon straightened himself and leaned in to quickly kiss Karina's forehead. "It's ok, Maus. Let's go home."

They were both silent on the way home, Leon attempting to read Karina's mood and Karina simply gazing out the window, her homesickness melting away. As Leon took Karina's bags, he could feel her eyes on him as he placed them in the bedroom. When he came back out, he wrapped his arms around Karina and they stood there for a moment. 

Closing her eyes,  Karina sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Leon, there's something I need to tell you."

Leon felt himself stiffen, her tone was wary and now he was wonder what she would be nervous to tell him. "Yeah?"

"I…" She inhaled and pressed her lips together, forcing herself to hold his gaze. "Before I left last time, I asked my lawyer to suspend the divorce proceedings."

Leon searched her face for a moment as if he was trying to determine is she was playing some elaborate trick on him. "What does that mean? Are we still married?"

"Yes, essentially." She bit down on her lip as she took as step back. "I can either then give the go ahead to proceed or I can ask for it to be dismissed."

Leon nodded. "What do I need to do to convince you-"

"I think we should go to couples therapy…to make sure we're on the same page and it's not just nostalgia or whatever." She dabbed at the corner of her eye with her thumb. "Not that I don't think we're compatible-"

With a reassuring smile, Leon took hold of her hands. "Maus, listen to me, whatever you want, I'll do it."

"But it's not your fault, Leon." Karina could feel a lump forming in her throat. "I need to apologize to you, I overreacted and didn't even give you a chance to speak."

He gave her the chance to finish her thought and while he probably would have taken the blame just to make her happy, he wasn't going to disagree that Karina's unilateral decision to leave upset him the most. "So let me speak now."

Karina nodded, giving his hands the slightest squeeze.

"I wish you would have given me a chance to think about things before you took off." Leon ran his thumb over her knuckles hoping it came across at the loving gesture he meant. "But I also realize that your family just disowned you and you were overwhelmed…"

Now Leon swallowed hard. "Karina, you mean the world to me and my biggest regret is that I wasn't able to be there for you. But you do this thing where you just shut down and wall yourself off."

Karina was about to pull away from him but she realized that she'd be doing exactly what he had just said. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologize, I can't imagine how painful it was…and still is for you." Leon frowned, deciding not to continue with his train of thought. "Look, it's getting late. Why don't we order some food and get you settled."

Karina poked around the carton of Pad Thai with her chop sticks while she listened to what Leon had been up to lately. When the conversation reached a natural lull, she spoke up. "Dr. Kattan said she would be willing to see both of us if you're comfortable with that."

"Of course." Leon nodded. "I told you I'd agree to do counseling."

Putting her food down, Karina rubbed her eyes. "Right, what I'm saying is, do you want to use Dr. Kattan or would you prefer someone completely new to both of us?"

"She knows you, she knows our history." He shrugged as he ate another dumpling. "It makes sense to me that we'd see her."

Pressing her lips together, Karina nodded. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Leon looked back at her, trying to figure out where she was coming from. "Do what? The therapy?"

"Are you sure you want to be married to me?" Karina wrapped her arms around herself but didn't move away from Leon. "I'm…a mess right now and I have no idea when I'm going to be back to normal. I don't know when I'm going to want to have sex again and you don't deserve to have to wait it out."

Inching himself closer, Leon wrapped his arms around Karina's shoulders and gave her a squeeze before holding her against his chest. "Karina, I love you and I'll wait as long as you need me to, I just want you to want to be my wife again."

He felt Karina sigh and her body almost melted into his. It was the first time that he had felt her relax since before this whole ordeal had started. "Are you glad to be back?"

"I've missed it here, I've missed hearing my own language, and I missed you." She let out a short laugh. "I told myself constantly that this, moving away, was for the best and that you needed someone different but I missed you."

Leon smiled. "You know I've missed you, Mausi."

"But Mathea was right there to help you get over me, right?" Karina frowned, choosing to examine her take out instead of looking at him. She knew she should not have brought up his relationship during their break up but she couldn’t stop herself.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Leon shrugged. "She came around as soon as you left…I was lonely and depressed because you were gone and she was convenient. What about the hipster Prince Charming?"

The tone of his question, earnest with just a bit of bite, made Karina smile. She was happy that he was willing to point out her hypocrisy. "I accidentally stepped on his foot getting off the subway and it was a lust at first sight moment but we never really clicked. Cosmo is a really sweet guy and he deserves someone better."

Leon did his best to hide his reaction. While Karina was never boastful or pretentious, lately she had been leaning towards self disparaging and it pained him to hear her think so little of herself. He wanted to put a stop to it, but he also knew that right now, she probably wasn't in the right frame of mind for his cheerleading.

"Any regrets?" Leon raised an eyebrow, attempting not to appear too hopeful.

Karina pursed her lips and shrugged. "Career wise, my time at AGO looks good and I got Ember but I also feel like I wasted a year and it feels like I'm even more of a wreck than when I left…I think I had valid reasons for leaving but I probably should have given myself more time to process things before deciding to leave."

Leon continued his internal monologue, deciding it wasn't his place to say anything aloud. Instead, he nodded and took another bite. "Makes sense."

As much as she tried, Karina couldn't suppress a yawn. "I think I'm just going to go lay down if that's ok."

"Yeah, yeah." He stood. "Let me just get a few things so I won't bother you if you fall asleep before I'm ready to."

Karina followed Leon into the bedroom, but waited in the doorway. Leon went to grab his pillow when Karina stopped him. "You can stay. I'm not going to kick you out of your own bed."

"Do you want me to stay?" He stopped in mid-step, waiting for her response.

"Would you?" Before she even realized what she was doing, Karina had pouted her lips just slightly. "Do you mind?"

Shaking his head, Leon felt the corner of his mouth lift up in a smile. "Not at all. I'm gonna go clean up, just give me a minute."

When Leon came back in to the bedroom, Karina was sitting on the edge of the bed, brushing her hair and pulling it up off her neck. It made him smile to see that she had gone to her regular side, like they hadn't been apart for so long.  

Leon climbed into bed and did his best to stay completely on his side. Karina was working on getting herself situated so he wasn't surprised that she occasionally brushed against him. Finally, she let out a life huff of frustration before tucking herself against his side, resting her left leg between his and draping her arm over his waist. 

"Better?" Leon smiled as he began stroking her hair.

Letting out a contented sigh, Karina nodded. "Sorry, I couldn't get comfortable."

"I like this better anyway." Kissing her on the top of her head, Leon smiled.

Karina woke up sometime in the very early hours of the morning. Gingerly, she eased onto her back, attempting to not wake Leon. 

Resting her head on his shoulder, Karina gently traced the contours of his stomach with her fingers. Still asleep, Leon let out a little moan as she circled his navel with her finger. It wasn't initially apparent to Karina, but he had obviously gained a noticeable amount of muscle mass since she had last seen him out of his clothes.

Karina silently laughed at herself and her somewhat sordid interest in Leon's new physique and went to move her hand away. In doing so, she brushed up against his groin only to find that Leon had an erection. Biting her lip, Karina slipped her hand under the waistband of his underwear and gently took hold of him. Ever so slowly, she drug her fingers up and down his shaft.

"What are you doing, Maus?" There was humor laced in the tone of Leon's voice, which was still heavy with sleep.

Looking up at him, Karina smiled. "It looked like you could use some help."

"You gonna keep going?" Leon bit his lip as he started to rub her back. Once Karina started up again, he closed his eyes, relishing her attention. The only thing that would have made it better, he thought, was if she was going to allow him to reciprocate. Clenching his jaw, Leon let out a strangled groan as he felt himself release. He kept his eyes closed as he tried to catch his breath when he felt Karina kiss him on the cheek. Next thing he knew, she was using a washcloth to clean him up.

"Better?" She smiled sweetly at him, repeating his sentiments from earlier.

"God, Maus," Leon sighed as he readjusted his underwear and pulled Karina closer to him. "I've missed you so much."

She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. "I know, sir. I've missed you, too." 

Karina waited until she knew Leon was asleep before opening her eyes again. She contemplated getting up and wandering around or scrolling aimlessly on her phone, but she didn't really have the energy to do either. Instead, she lay in bed, listening to Leon breathing steadily next to her, and stared at the ceiling until she could see the first few signs of dawn. She got up and dressed, taking the dogs out before making some coffee. 

Leon eventually meandered in but stopped just short of Karina. "I want to hug you, is that ok?"

Instead on answering, Karina closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Did you sleep ok?" Resting his head against hers, Leon gently rocked them from side to side.

Karina nodded and sighed, giving her self a few moments to gather her thoughts. "If it works for you, Dr. Kattan has an opening this afternoon."

"Oh, ok." Leon kissed the top of her head before turning his attention to the coffee. "Yeah, sure."

Leon wondered if Karina would mention anything about last night but she was acting as though she hadn’t jerked him off in the middle of the night. He frowned slightly, understanding that she needed time, but wondering if their time together would continue to be filled with mixed signals.  

Once Leon had finished his training, he stopped by the apartment and picked Karina up. "So…what happens in therapy exactly?"

"Lots of talking." Karina let out a yawn. "Sometimes she gives me stuff to do before our next session but mainly lots of talking."

"Ok." Leon nodded as if he was assuring himself. "That doesn't sound bad."

Karina smiled back at him. "Babe, you sat I on a few of my sessions, remember?"

"Oh, right!" His face brightened when he remembered how Dr. Kattan had indicated that Karina obviously felt safe with Leon. "That's really not bad, then."

Shaking her head, Karina smiled again. "I mean, it's not meant to be torture. I'd just like a third party to help talk us through some things."

"Ok. Do you need anything before I we leave?" Leon stuck his hands in his pockets to avoid touching her. Karina welcomed his initial hug but he didn't want to assume that she'd be accepting of more contact.

Karina took a step forward and smoothed his hair down while shaking her head. "I'm good, thanks. Let’s go."

[bumbershots]

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER FOUR: SILENCE COMES AND GOES

Author’s note: Hello! We continue with this, I would like to thank everyone once again for all the likes and reblogs the story has gotten so far, couldn’t be happier! Enjoy (:

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.9K **

It is possible that Harry is ignoring the big elephant in the room, as he spreads some jam in his crumpet, well aware of Fernando and Jack exchanging knowing looks. He takes a bite of the savoury treat and hopes none of them dare to confront him, at the same time he wants to be questioned about why he hasn't called Alma yet.

Harry spent the last two weeks grumpy and frustrated.

He's called his therapist way too many times. He has no idea where he went wrong in his healing process. They were back to square one, whispered his tired heart.

Jack is surprised too, his friend got on so well with Alma at the party and apparently even went the extra mile asking for her number then he spent the following fourteen days acting as if she didn’t exist. Didn't even text her like Gemma suggested. He sips his coffee and sighs for the millionth time that day.

The musician is infuriated at himself and desperate that he wants to have Fernando demand an explanation for his behaviour towards his sister. Harry's not a confrontational guy, but he's going mad. Might be losing it. He wanted to scream at the two men before him that he did plan on calling Alma, but then he got so sad. Now he's afraid it's too late.

"Do you want another one?" Fernando holds the plate with crumpets in front of Harry who takes one more and thanks him before grabbing the jam. "Do you reckon you'll be man enough to call my sister within the next couple of days?" Harry chokes on his food while Jack's laughter booms through their home.

Nobody has ever called him out like that. Harry's still unsure whether to be grateful or scared. Maybe a bit of both he thinks after composing himself again from the fit of coughs, he knows Fernando is still waiting for an answer.

"Is she upset about it?" A hint of relief and pride linger on Harry's voice. Jack shakes his head, knowing that he's avoiding the question. Something he's very good at.

"That's not what I asked." Fernando's clipped tone leaves no room for the musician to beat around the bush anymore.

"I was really nervous about calling her, kept putting it off until days turned into weeks... I'm not sure how to go about it," he plays with his rings and looks away from the inquisitive gaze of his companions.

"How did you get Taylor to go out with you?"

"What?" Harry and Jack ask at the same time.

"You must've asked her I guess," Fernando shrugs. "What is so scary about Alma that puts you off? Are you interested in just a shag and you're worried she'll decline or tell the media about it?" Harry is shaking his head vigorously and the dark haired architect leans a bit closer towards him, "you're so full of sh-”

"Alright let's take a break," Jack's soothing tone brings his house mate back from the rage path he was following. But Harry knew that he was right.

It had been a year already, he moved to a new house, one where his ex never set foot into and still her ghost was everywhere. He has this crazy need to destroy everything that can relate to her. Her favourite cardigan is kept away in a box full of Polaroids and books that are all her.

The real reason why he didn't dare to call Alma is because whatever he felt at the beginning of his previous relationship, or any other one, was at least ten times less intense, than what he was feeling now. Seeing the menace before them, his heart and mind decided to leave him courage-less towards the situation. It's less painful to think what could've been than to know it and see it being taken away from you. Again.

But he deserves to be happy, that's what Gemma reminded him the other day.

"I gotta go," Fernando announces before rising from his seat, walking inside the house and upstairs to his room. Jack tries to tidy up the table a bit, not daring to look at his apparently mute friend. When Fernando comes back down he steps outside to the patio where they had brunch, one last glance to a very ashamed Harry and he sighs. "Brigit's Bakery Classic Afternoon Tea Bus. Alma’s been dying to get tickets but never has the time to actually book it," he explains adjusting his jacket's collar. "It's not too late." With that he turns on his heel and leaves the house.

Harry takes their mugs and places them in the sink, he notices Jack is going around the kitchen putting away the butter and milk in the fridge.

"What are you waiting for Romeo?" The blue eyed man asks, stopping in front of a blushing Harry.

They're both quiet for a minute. Harry's heart is racing and can feel his hands get clammy. He hasn't felt someone's faith in a long time, and he's not sure if he's happy or pressured that Fernando and Jack are pushing him to call Alma, he doesn’t even know if she will give him a chance. Harry's wishing to be the kind of guy to take out his mobile and make the call, maybe even crack a witty joke that will have Alma laughing in that loud way he remembers and not be awkward with asking her out on a date. As if he wasn't completely mortified by being rejected.

Harry was sure he would ruin it, not just the call but the date and everything else that was actually going to happen between them without even trying first.

"Hello?" She answers after the third ring, confused at the unknown number calling her.

"Yeah it's me," Harry nods to Jack who urges him to finish whatever sentence he's trying to form, "I believe I owe you some coffee."

"Harry?" Alma tries to fight back a laugh. A wide smile splitting her face after recognising who is the mystery caller.

"Yes! Sorry I forgot you didn't have my number." Jack is red with second hand embarrassment for his friend and decides to start the dishwasher just to keep his eyes from the train wreck happening in his kitchen. "I'm sorry for not calling sooner."

"You're calling now, 's all that matters... I'd love to get that coffee. Next Thursday works for you?" He nods feverishly and remembers he's on the phone.

"Of course, I'll pick you up at five if that's alright."

"Make it half past five please, that's when my shift ends. I'll text you the address." She throws the latter smoothly as an excuse to initiate conversation until they meet again and Harry is oblivious about it.

"Sure great, perfect I'm... really looking forward to seeing you," he plays with the tea towel on the counter, his back turned to Jack, a million butterflies fluttering in his stomach when he hears the coy chuckle his confession got out of her. "Have a good day, see you later."

"See you later, Harry" Alma's goodbye is full of hope and endearment, just like the one he got before she walked away from him that morning after Freddie’s birthday party.

After ending the call, he mentally scolds himself for dreading it so much. It went so much better than expected, even got a laugh out of her. Perhaps Harry needed to stop making decisions based upon his fears and more taking in consideration the other person. He always thought he knew best, it's what he's been told for so many years and although he needs to be making big choices most of the time, perhaps now he could share that responsibility. Felt dead nice for a change.

"That wasn't so bad." He admits to Jack before drying the now clean dishes with a towel.

"I'm proud of you, now tell me, where are you guys going for that coffee?" Jack's eyes are full of curiosity and excitement, it's impossible for Harry not to feel a chill go down his spine at the prospect of planning the date. He thinks about what Fernando suggested, but it would be too obvious that it wasn't his idea entirely.

Alma deserves something exclusively planned by him.

"Don't know yet, perhaps somewhere nice and quiet" he ponders and his friend agrees.

Last time Harry had a proper first date was about two years ago or so. He cooked aubergine parmigiana following Jamie Oliver's recipe and baked some biscuits for dessert that he enjoyed with his companion overlooking the Pacific Ocean from his home's balcony. Back then it seemed to be the right choice to keep it low-key, a simple dinner at his, no risk at all to be bothered or watched. But Harry knew that at some point it got old, being overly discreet was easily mistaken for being ashamed of the relationship. That kind of thing can do a lot to someone's confidence, little by little until it's all too much to bear.

If he could only learn not to care about the world's prying eyes.

Harry doesn't want to drag anyone into the scrutiny of the media until he knows it's an incorruptible bond. The inevitable thought of forever, something he believes might not exist for him, at times. He did think Taylor was it, even Kendall for a while, which is why he dated more publicly back then, until she came along and the love Harry felt was so grand it made him overly protective of them. Countless times he tried to explain that this was the first time something was working in spite of all the circumstances that came with his life and he was trying to cherish it, keep it to himself. Nurture it until it was as tough as old boots.

That night was spent writing down ideas for that first date. Number one was The river café, near Putney Bridge, a place free of paparazzi. Number two, Rail house café, lovely spot to share dinner. Number three The sanctuary café, located in a beautiful building with a quirky environment. Number four and his personal favourite Lola's bakery, their service was so warm and intimate, he remembers the cinnamon Chelsea bun and his mouth waters instantly. So, drawing a big circle around the fourth option he smiles before going to bed that night.

Saturday morning finds Harry at his grandparents’ old home, carrying a bag full of ingredients for a vegetarian lasagna he is planning to cook for his grandfather and his mum. He immediately banishes Anne from helping in the kitchen. She observed him follow the recipe, cooking for no longer than ten minutes the garlic, thyme and aubergine, and then crumble over the chilli carefully. He lets her grate the Parmesan when the sauce isn’t thickening and reducing like it was supposed to. With a bump of her hip, she nodded towards a couple of tomatoes, Harry smiled before tipping them in, breaking them with a spoon and five minutes later, the sauce was ready.

His mother is a marvellous woman, like the good son he is, Harry doesn't want to make her sad, ever. The last time he visited her, recently broken hearted, they spent it baking, cooking, eating sweets and drinking hot chocolate at the rear terrace. Once he had enough of moping around, he decided to make it up to her and create good memories from that visit. They explored the local parklands as if it was the first time, shared ice cream, got tipsy on cheap red wine and chatted from dusk till dawn.

A few hours later, after eating the delicious meal and tidying up the kitchen afterwards, Harry watches his mum talking to his grandad, holding his shaky hand in hers and caressing it in a soothing way. The elder man’s Parkinson is getting worse with time, he feels so useless, specially because it affects his favourite people. He wants to know what his mother is thinking when she joins him back in the kitchen. There is some anguish dancing in her kind eyes, but Harry knows better than to push her to share something she is not ready to.

"I have a date next Thursday," he chokes out, in hopes of distracting her, and it works. Anne's head whips towards her youngest child, evidently shocked and yet proud. It's been years since Harry shared that kind of information with her.

"A proper date?"

"Yes," he wants to add how nervous it makes him. "I dunno how serious it'll get... just met her once, properly I mean, we saw each other on the tube's carriage three times prior to it. Coincidentally of course, Gem said it is something straight out of a film."

"Who is she?" His mother is giving him that look, the one that says how giddy she is to know absolutely everything about the person that got her son so skittish, that he started to rearrange the containing of the cupboards entirely.

"Her name is Alma," he doesn't know where to start, if he spills all the ways in which he thinks she is wonderful, they'll end up pulling an all-nighter.

"And she's a...?"

"Cashier during the week, Spanish teacher on the weekends and occasional interviewer for her Youtube channel." Anne raises her eyebrows, impressed and wondering why such a busy girl agreed to go on a date. Must like him a lot of course, she thinks watching her son pour hot water on a mug, and dunking a tea bag in it afterwards.

"Where did you meet her if not on the tube?'' She is curious and weary. This wouldn't be the first time her youngest spawn overlooked certain things from strangers. Very little things in Harry's life were coincidences nowadays.

"Remember Jack Robinson?" his mum nodded, how could she forget the cheeky chap that helped Harry escape almost every night from his dad's house in the summer, just to go skate in Southbank's center until midnight. Anne admitted to not liking the bloke for a while, but gave him another chance after watching him grow into a responsible adult. "He's in charge of my home renovation, extension whatever it is called. Invited me to Freddie's birthday party and she was there." The dreamy look on his eyes when reminiscing the moment brought out a wide smile on his mum's face followed by her loud laughter.

"Oh Harry, you've got that look." it was the truth. He looked completely gobsmacked by his mother's reaction, but he couldn’t deny the peace he felt when knowing that she was already fond of the girl that he couldn’t get out of his mind.

"It’s too soon to tell!” He doesn’t want to dive into it, not yet. 

"How did you really meet? I want all the details." Anne asked, taking a seat at the coffee table and Harry told her everything.

From the first glance he stole her way to the last phone call he had yesterday at Jack and Fernando's house, his hands flew several times to tussle his hair and the dimple on his left cheek was exquisite, when telling his mother, how she asked him to dance with her. He spared no detail, from her intoxicating Moschino perfume to her raspy accented voice. By the time he finished, his mum's mug was empty but her heart was full. For so long she wondered if she would ever witness the beauty of Harry in love again and enjoy first-hand the way he spoke about that person in the sweetest manner, the high-pitched tone of his voice when finally admitting how nervous he actually was about this first date.

"Right, well in that case, stop thinking about how everything is going to go wrong." Easier said than done, Harry thinks but nods. "I'm sure whatever you planned will sweep her off her feet." Anne knew how much of a romantic her boy was, he went all out in that department. His best quality and Achilles heel.

"If the cupcakes from that place don't... I could literally do it." Harry plucks a banana from the fruit bowl before them and narrows his eyes when his mum rolls her eyes at him playfully.

His mother's reassurance made him feel less hopeless, the next day when they went to Sheffield's city center, she even picked out a couple of new mugs. 'Just in case we have new visitors at home.' Harry groaned but failed to hide the dreamy look in his eyes, he even crossed his fingers behind his back as he watched her pay for the cups. The thought of Alma meeting his mother in the near future —and the rest of his loved ones— excited him to an unfamiliar degree, like the first time he saw the seaside with his own eyes at a very young age, like that time he sang in front of a considerable amount of people, like a warm hug of his late grandmother. The idea that she may like him enough to agree to a second date is stuck on his brain, despite that they haven't even survived the first one.

Anne saw him enjoy himself the rest of that afternoon and the next morning before he had to go back to London. She sighed and watched him drive away, standing in her front door for a few more minutes, rejoicing on the memory of Harry's toothy grin. Usually she was careful and waiting for the other shoe to drop, but not this time. There was a bit of certainty in the unfamiliar situation, something she couldn't quite put her finger on, she decided to patiently wait and see. She hummed a familiar tune while putting away the new additions to her crockery. The same song her son decided to play on his journey back home.

Qué será, será. Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Qué será, será.

///

Let me know if you like the story! *** Join the taglist!

///

TAG LIST: @laurxn-robinson @mellamolayla

Next chapter

[warriorqueen1991]

🎄Heartwarming🎄

Characters: Negan x Reader

Warnings: fluff

Summary: Your all alone for Christmas and are feeling pretty down, maybe your grinch of a neighbor would like to join you?

Notes: this is my secret fic exchange for @daisysouthmoore MERRY CHRISTMAS HUN 🎄🎁

Thank you @annablack1102 for holding this absolutely amazing exchange 💝💝

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Now sweetheart, ya can't spend Christmas alone...its not…”

You sighed moving into the kitchen “I'm not gonna spend it alone mom, I got…” your voice trailed off as you got lost watching your neighbor curse and yell as he shoveled the snow from his sidewalk. The vibration from your phone causing you to blink back to reality and look at the new message, a frown forming on your face.

Of course Michonne would cancel, she had her hot fiance to cuddle with during Christmas. Apparently he got back early and now you'd be sticking it out by yourself.

How pathetic was that?

“Y/N?! Sweetheart, you there?!!...hello??”

Clearing your throat, you quickly lifted the phone back to your ear, closing your eyes with a fake smile “yes mom, I'm ok...I invited a couple friends over and we're gonna spend Christmas together”. Listening to her continue to worry about you and tell you what to do to be safe was tiresome, but you loved her for it. Letting out a light laugh you shook your head “mom I'll be ok, I'm not going anywhere in this weather, you and dad got nothin’ to worry about. I love you both, ok?”

“Well we love you too sweetheart, just please give us a call before you'd go to sleep or something ok?...just so I can rest easy?”

You nodded “ok...love you”.

“Love you too honey”.

Tapping the red bar on your phone, you sighed rubbing your eyes before a loud crash made you jump “what the hell is he doing over there?!” You growled moving back to the window.

Negan was your next door neighbor, fine as hell, but just about as cuddly as a cactus. Him and his wife had gone through a pretty bad rough patch right before she got diagnosed with cancer. The whole story was pretty scandalous and sad when you thought about it, but everybody somehow knew about it.

Honestly it was no wonder he wasn't the most approachable person, his life was a train wreck.

Pulling back your curtain your eyes widened in disbelief before you covered your mouth to stifle a giggle. Negan was on his porch cursing and swinging a baseball bat around at a bunch of carolers, who looked like they were either going to piss themselves or already had.

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY GODDAMN YARD!!!” he roared just missing one of their heads before they all managed to scurry off his lawn unscathed.

Continuing to giggle at the whole thing, your heart suddenly fell in your stomach when his dark eyes met yours, steam huffing out of his nose like a bull before he stormed back into his house.

Backing away from the window holding your phone to your chest, you ran your other hand down your face as your cheeks turned red. Shit, he saw you. He looked mad. What if he came to your door rantin’ and raving about how you should mind your own damn business?

Worrying your bottom lip, the sudden beep from the oven made you quickly forget about your ill tempered neighbor and focus on your lonely Christmas dinner, and not burning your damn house down.

****

Once all the food was set out on the table, you let out a small sigh. You had cooked more than just for yourself in preparation for Michonne, Maggie and Carol but of course they all had canceled, either because of the weather or because the had families to spend the holidays with.

Chewing the inside of your cheek in thought, you looked over your shoulder before making a decision and grabbing your coat.

The short walk next door was just enough time for you to regret your decision, your gloved hand hovering above the red wood of his front door as the wind and snow whipped around you. Biting your lip, you finally gave the cold wood a solid knock, doing it three more times before the door opened against the chain lock “da fuck you want?!”

Negan's hazel eyes narrowed at you through the crack in the door, his house and what you could see of inside were completely devoid of Christmas decorations.

“I-I….I um..uh..i just... just wanted to invite you over for Christmas d-dinner...ya know if you're free?” you managed to stammer out as you rubbed your hands together.

Negan seemed to look you up and down suspiciously before finally shutting the door once more, your heart sinking to your stomach before you heard the chain rattle against the door. Smiling softly as it opened revealing him in his leather jacket and red scarf “don't need me to bring anything right?” He growled.

“N-No I got everything, made too much for myself and...well...everyone else canceled”.

He chuckled softly “sorry ya had to settle for me”.

You shook your head as you moved to open your door “I didn't settle for anything Negan, I just felt nobody should be alone for Christmas ya know?” Pushing through the door, you took your scarf off before noticing Negan still standing outside the door.

Clearing his throat, he lifted his gaze to the mistletoe hanging above the door before arching his eyebrow at you.

Scrambling to the door, you quickly snatched the sprig of leaf from the wooden hook, shoving it in your pocket with a deep blush “oh...I um...sorry”. Negan smirked before moving into the house, taking his scarf and leather jacket off “nice place”.

“Thank you” you smiled softly before moving into the kitchen, what was it about this man that had you acting like the virgin prom date.

Getting him a cup of hot chocolate and showing him to the living room so you could finish up, You quickly set the table and took a deep breath. Fixing your hair and checking your reflection, you smiled before approaching the doorway “ok, it's ready”.

***

Dinner went pleasantly smooth, Negan wasn't that much of a talker and didn't seem that into the holidays. But he wasn't rude or offputting like he normally was, honestly he just seemed sad.

“So what do you do?” You asked curiously as you sipped your third alcoholic eggnog recipe, Negan was on his fourth and getting more and more talkative by the second.

“Oh I teach the little shits on the hill” he grumbled downing the rest of his drink “gym teacher” he clarified. You smiled with a light giggle “I wouldn't of guessed that, you don't seem the patient type”.

Negan chuckled licking his bottom lip “I'm not”, his hazel eyes stared deep into yours making your cheeks heat up.

“Ya know we've been neighbors for a few years now Y/N and you've never invited me over...hell, ya hardly spare me a goddamn glance”. Resting his elbows on the table, he raised an eyebrow in question “so spare me the bullshit will ya, we both know the only reason I'm here is because ya had nobody else to be with”.

Your eyes widened “n-no...no, honestly I just…” you bit your lip looking down “you scare me Negan...in case ya haven't noticed, you're a little intimidating”.

Negan frowned but nodded “my um...well I'm sure you've heard thestory”. You nodded, who hadn't heard about Negan and Lucille? It was practically town history. He sighed, running his hand down his mouth “well, all that shit went down around the holidays...guess it kinda destroyed the whole Christmas thing for me”.

Frowning, you reached your hand out to slide over his “I'm sorry….really, I am”.

Negan looked down at your  hands for a moment before smiling softly “not your fault sweetheart...honestly bein’ invited over here…” he shook his head letting his smile widen “this really means alot”.

You smiled before getting to your feet, tugging him up with you as ‘all I want for Christmas is you’ started playing softly from the other room. “Dance with me Mr. Grinch” you giggled as he smiled down at you, wrapping your arms around his neck with a bright smile.

Sliding his hands around your waist, he smiled before resting his chin ontop of your head gently swaying your bodies to the music. You closed your eyes getting lost in the warm and comforting moment, the feeling of his large frame encircling yours making you feel safe.

“ya know, you're not as cold hearted as people think Negan” you sighed, snuggling your face into his warm chest “you're actually pretty warm”.

Negan chuckled “maybe it's just the company”, feeling something in your pocket, he slowly slipped the sprig of mistletoe from your Jean's. The corner of his lips quirking up in a smirk as he lifted it above your head “did ya have this planned for anyone in particular?”

Looking up at the plant, you bit your lip with a small smile “it was um...more for my friends, they uh...all had dates”.

Negan leaned down to brush his nose against hers slowly “shame to let it go to waste”.

Sliding your hands from his neck to cup his cheeks, you stood up on your tiptoes to kiss him slowly, your eyes falling shut as his followed suite. The world seemed to heat up around you, the sound of the soft music filling your ears as the hand not holding the mistletoe slid moved to cradle your ribs.

Pulling back slowly, your tongue slid over your bottom lip with a breathy giggle “wow...Merry Christmas to me”.

Negan chuckled kissing you again, the action short and sweet “best Christmas I've ever had sweetheart”.

You smiled brightly, wrapping your arms around him tightly “mine too”. Lost in the warmth of his embrace and the comfort of his presence, softly you began to sing, closing your eyes.

“I won't ask for much this Christmas, I won't even wish for snow. I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe. I won't make a list and send it to the North Pole for Saint Nick. I won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer click. 'Cause I just want you here tonight holding on to me so tight, What more can I do? Baby all I want for Christmas is you”.

@embracetheapocalypsewithme @negans-network @jdmfanfiction @i-am-negan-trash @asshatry @dumplingjoker @robertdowneyjr-rdj @kristenallison04 @azanoni @ryangoslingstanktop @jackythemoo @ask-kakashihatake @staceyruby @collette04 @jmackie1983 @naughtybellax @a1iah @hot-and-spiceyyy @kalista225 @jdmsgal @absolutefandom-trash @gackts-guwashi @lightinthedarkuniverse @alilarkin99 @lgbtnegan @elskinner45 @captain-wordy-and-nerdy @lukeevansandjdmobession @noodlecupcakes @dixonsbait @ashzombie13 @neganslittlebird @robinwritesallthethings @kirthal @negan-the-cat @sleepylunarwolf @tammyjewel @nereya @shayna-winchester @neganandblake @geekgirl1213 @heyitscam99 @ali-pennell

[guessmonsta]

Tsukishima in- "I'm the teenage heir to the throne and I'm the next in line to marry. My parents arranged me with the princess from the neighboring kingdom and GOD I hate it because I'm only interested in science and- oh wait? The princess isn't a snob? She's into science and wants me to teach her more? Ok well, maybe this isn't so bad after all..."

I reference my other royal au in here as well! Bravo if you get it!! (which I still need to finish but I’ll get around to- oops!)

June 18, 1879

Tsukishima Kei liked to start off his mornings with a warm mug of imported tea and a nice book on the balcony. It became a ritual of his that the rest of the palace knew well enough not to disrupt. The maids, the cooks, even his own parents, were wary about walking in on the prince before he had time to stabilize himself. Although, this very morning, the flow of his routine was dammed off.

Kei barely had time to poke his head out from underneath his sheets before the grand doors of his bedroom were pushed back. He wasn’t fully awake enough yet to even scowl at the intrusion, yet he buried his head back under the sheets to retaliate. Mere seconds later, they were whipped away from his head in what seemed like worry and panic. He was awake enough to scowl, now, rolling around and shooting a glare up at the maid who dare awake him.

“What.” Was all he managed to hiss, grabbing the sheets and cocooning himself again.

“Your father ushered me to retrieve you. It’s urgent, your highness.” The maid stammered out quickly, her foot tapping against the hardwood of his floor out of impatience.

“He can wait another hour. Tell him “your highness” couldn’t care less.”

He smiled sardonically up at the maid before flipping over to his other side, finding refuge in between his pillows. He heard the maid sigh and stomp over to the other side of his room, and promptly yank open his blinds.

“I’m not here to play games, your highness. Please, if your father says it's urgent, it must be urgent.”

“Have you met the buffoon?” Kei yawned, barely sparing the maid another glance. “It’s probably to discuss how the ball went last week. Or what theme his idiotic dinner party should be this Sunday. If it’s so urgent, tell him to get me himself.”

Kei heard the maid growl as she stomped out of his room, slamming the doors behind him. They really should get more polite maids in this palace, Kei thought, sitting up in his bed and ruffling his hair. He slapped around his nightstand for his glasses, fumbling around with them for a bit before raising them up to his shirt to wipe off. Before he had any time to put them over his eyes, his door slammed open again. Kei groaned, slipping on his glasses as angrily as one could slip on glasses, and turned towards the door. His father stood in the entry, with his mother close behind, not saying anything until Kei muttered an agitated, “what?” for the second time that morning.

His father cleared his throat, making his intrusion inside of Kei’s room and standing at the foot of his bed. The King was not a stern man, and never had been. The locals sometimes called him a loon, a man so completely out of his mind that he sometimes forgot that he had an army out on the battlefront. Nevertheless, he was respected, and Kei never really knew why. Perhaps it was because of his mother, The Queen, logical and prolific, who kept him in line with every decision he made. She stood in place at the doorway, she never liked to invade his privacy.

“Get dressed and meet us in the dining hall in a quarter of an hour.” For the first time in Kei’s life, he had heard his father's voice come out in a serious manner, rather than a lighthearted, teasing tone. He cocked his head and took a double take at his father's face, looking for telltale signs of eyebrows twitching or forehead scrunching to give away that his sternness was just a petty joke, but Kei couldn’t find any.

“If it's such an urgent ordeal why not tell me now?”

“It’s indecent to discuss in pyjamas.” The king finally broke the scowl on his face with a fake smile, and clapped his hands together. “If you aren’t down by the time I expect you, I have no choice but to send the knights up to retrieve you. Are we clear?”

“Yes father.”

The king turned on his heel and walked towards the door. The queen caught Kei’s eye and shot him a sympathetic smile, before tugging the door closed once the king passed through. Kei sat in place until he heard the doors knock together, and he must’ve been holding his breath, because all at once he let out a deep exhale. He flopped back down towards the pillows on his bed, just missing hitting his head against the headboard. He rolled around a bit, not wanting to get up but not quite wanting to fall back asleep either. He hated to be grouchy like this, but he wondered if he would get his cup of earl grey when he met up with his father. He lay there and thought about the situation for a couple more minutes, his mind running through every possible scenario he could run into. “Your brother was killed by his wife’s younger brother”, was a likely possibility. Yet, so were, “I was thinking about setting up my next dinner party to look like The Last Supper” and “I think my next portrait should be in violet, no?” The man was an enigma, and not in the positive way.

He finally came to the realization that being a mopey young adult wouldn’t bring him any appeasement from his father. So he lugged himself up, threw on whatever outfit was laying across his dresser, and trekked down toward the dining hall. He figured he must've looked like a wreck, because on of the maids shot him a wry smile. He was usually one to care about his image, but today, he couldn’t care less. He was doing everything out of spite.

Once in the dining hall, his father gave him the same wary, disappointed glare the maids had. If he wasn’t allowed to talk back to his father, he might as well aggravate him in other ways. Though he considered himself to be proper and mature, he wasn’t proper enough to just appease the old man.

“Do you have any idea why there's such an urgency?” His father asked. The room was dead silent, despite for the cacophony of crow calls coming from the gardens. Kei wasn't really paying attention to what his father said, nor would he, further on. He wasn't one for the whole royals scene, it was so pretentious, everybody two faced like a deck of cards. They would kill for power and marry for it too- it was all so confusing to him. Kei, though it wasn't very accepted, was more into science. Twenty years prior did Charles Darwin from England publish his book on the theory of evolution, and though he technically wasn't allowed to have it in his possession, he hid it behind all the religious texts and manuscripts in his library. Skeletons of giant lizards that roamed the earth millions of years ago were being dug up across the Atlantic and past the Mediterranean, relics of the peoples of humanity's past dug up from the deserts in Ethiopia, and, through all the things Kei didn't understand about royalty, it was why nobody else in his palace found any of it interesting. Was he insane? How could they think that something so present and real was merely just works of fiction? Kei recalled a museum up in England adopting some of the reptilian bones into their exhibit, and Kei figured that if he ever became King, he would do that one day as well. Start up science museums to compete against the arts in city center. His father best be dead by then, though.

“Did Akiteru die?” Kei responded to his father's question with another half-assed one. He was picking at his nails.

“What?”

“I asked if Akiteru died.”

“Why the hell would Akiteru be dead?” His father roared, and Kei scrunched his face up in disgust.

“I dunno. Seems like the only thing that seems plausible if you’re so serious.”

“No, I-” The king groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s about you.”

Kei remained silent, watching his father with bored eyes. All he could think about was the crows outside and his tea.

“You're coming to the age where we believe you need to have a partner.” At this, Kei’s heart absolutely plummeted, tired eyes were blown wide, every cell of his skin left tingling in complete and utter shock. His father was saying things to him but he couldn't hear them, his ears were ringing so loud that he couldn't even hear himself think, but the blood rushing through his ears was very much avid. There was no way that his father was being serious about this. His father was midway through a sentence before Kei cleared his throat and more or less yelled- “I’m only sixteen!”

“Which is exactly why we’ve found you a nice woman to marry!” His father roared back. He watched his mother flinch. “She’s from the neighboring country, she’s sixteen, just like you. Not only will this be good for you, go out and learn to talk to other people your age, but it’ll be good for the politics of this nation. When people find out that our countries are merging the economy-”

Kei zoned back out again. His father was marrying him off so he could make more money off of trade? He lived in a gold plated castle, the people of the village were wealthy, employment was high, merchants were everywhere, what more did the man need? Kei felt himself tear up, though he wouldn't admit it, and shot his mother one helpless look. The one she gave him mirrored his, this whole situation was out of his hands.

“Akiteru got to choose who he wed.” He said, sternly.

“That’s because he had a social life, he went out and found himself somebody to wed.”

“But that still isn’t fair!” Kei got up and slammed the chair into the table. It was like he was being possessed. It was very uncharacteristic for him to get angry, but Kei liked being alone, especially at a time like this, when he was still learning and developing. Though he wouldn’t consider himself to be one, he was still a child. He bit his lip and ultimately slammed the chair to the floor, one of its legs snapping.

“You can pay for that with the money you get from the economic boost!” He turned around and walked away, and shot a death glare at the maid hiding behind the crook in the wall. He went back up to is chambers and, as dramatically as one could shut French doors, he did. He grabbed a record off his bookshelf, placed it on the player, and let it play so loud that it forced its way past the incessant ringing of his ears. That was another thing Kei enjoyed that his father didn’t- music. Music and science, that was the only closure Kei needed in his life. Not some stupid girl from some stupid kingdom who would increase the rates of the old man’s gluttony. He could only imagine what she was like- his future partner. He doubted he would every love her, she was probably some ditsy little thing, hair done to the gods and her linens eye catching- which probably got his father's attention in the first place. She was probably thrilled for a wedding, her fairy tale ending, he would hate to break this stupid girls heart; but that's just what had to happen.

__

July 18, 1879

The day finally came for Kei to finally met his “bride to be.” It was exactly a month later from when Kei first received the news, and ever since then, his life has been a miserable, expectation reaching goal. He was expected to woo her parents, charm her, and be a good model for his parents teachings as well. It was all bullshit. He heard that the kingdom just south of his had broken a rule of thousands of years. The King and Queen let their daughter, the princess, be wed to some commoner, the local cryptid, as well. If they were as modern minded as to let their daughter do that, why wouldn't his parents at least let him choose which princess or duchess he would like to be with?

He sat at the garden tables with his hands folded in his lap. His parents stood behind him, and across from him, another cast iron chair sat. His parents were going to leave him alone with her whilst the monarchs went off to chat about political business, he supposed. Was his father really expecting him to fall in love with somebody, in theory, so immature? He sincerely hoped that she hated him, and cried about it, so the whole marriage would be cast off. He had went to bed rather late last night, and according to his mother, taking three shots of espresso before a meeting was not proper, so his bitter stature was dialed up.

As if one some sort of miraculous cue, the gates to the gardens opened up, revealing two monarchs and, to Kei’s surprise, no princess. He had set high hopes that there was none at all. Though, his hopes and dreams died when the king and queen separated to reveal a girl standing behind them, her arms crossed, one of her eyebrows cocked. Her father looked behind himself to gaze at her, and almost magically her arms unfolded and her smirk was replaced with what Kei could only describe as an angelic smile. Good, she clearly didn't want to be here, either. At least they had that in common. Though, when her father turned back around and went to greet his, the princess turned to her mother and hissed something in her native language, her mother merely shaking her head and replying the calmest she could. Oh, god, the girl was pissed.

Her father guided her to sit across from Kei, and she refused to look at him at first, before her mother ran a knuckle across her spine that made her shoot straight up.

“Acquaint yourselves, you two.” Kei’s father hummed, pretentious as always, as the four adults walk mock triumphantly back into the palace.

“Fist off, may I say, you don’t mind me talking this dress off, do you?” She said bluntly, placing both elbows on the table and resting her head upon her hands.

“Your dress? Are you mad, woman?”

“Not my entire dress! Just the unnecessary skirting material. It’s bullshit!” She whispered the last part but cringed a bit when Kei cocked his eyebrow up at her. “Oops, I forgot, I’m a lady.”

Regardless, she stood up to shimmy out of two petticoats and some tulle, and took a moment to release the windings of her corset. Kei almost found himself laughing. Who in the world did this girl think she was, some kind of circus? Perhaps she was making herself undesirable like he intended on doing, which wasn't quite working, in her favor. This rendezvous oughta be entertaining, the thought.

She sat down again, petticoats and all on the floor,and she smiled up at him.

“Hi, I’m __ __, the pleasure is mine.”

“Oh, is it, princess?” Kei smirked. “Kei Tsukishima.”

“Lovely.” She fake smiled. “You don't seem like much of a charmer, bless you. Most of the princes my parents set me up with are too prim, or proper, or way too uptight about morals. They would’ve called the pope if I dared touch the binds of my corset. That was the first test, and you passed, so thank you, for that.” Kei allowed himself to chuckle, at this.

“I take it you don’t want to be here either?”

“Cripes, no.” She shook her head, her curled hair bouncing with her. “My parents don’t let me do my hair for myself but expect me to get married. How foolish.”

“I agree. Though, your country is really wealthy and that's all my father tends to care about-”

“Same for mine-”

“And I don’t think he’s going to let this go.” Kei bit the inside of his cheek, then rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, Father’s been sweet talking about your’s more than he has about you. I didn't even know your name before I got here.”

“Neither did I.”

“Cripes.”

They sat in silence for a moment, __ not knowing what to say, and Kei really having nothing to say at all. The tingling feeling of his skin was coming back. He was nervous.

He was nervous because she wasn't what he had expected. He had a plan set out and everything. He was going to ignore her if she flaunted her dress, ignored her small talk conversation. Tell her he’s seen prettier in Charles Darwin's book on evolution, and he was talking about the tortoises. His plan had backfired, she drew the cards in this game. She threw half her outfit off and spread her legs and crossed her arms and, oh god, she picked at her nails too. Kei would rather die than admit that she had the upper hand at this obvious provocation game, but he wouldn’t. He didn't dare.

“You shouldn't have undone that corset- you might as well use looks to mask that ugly personality of yours.” He uttered, but he only heard her chuckling.

“It’s a surprise your parents made us gather out here- with how pale your skin is. I’m surprised you haven't melted in the sun yet. This isn't Romania, you know? Did you catch the wrong train back to Transylvania?” She shot back, refusing to make eye contact, rather plucking a rose off the bush and plucking off its thorns.

“Mm. At least I could do some damage as a vampire. The prince of Norway called, he’s missing his favorite troll. Won’t you go back to him?”

“First of all, the prince of Norway is a wang.” She laughed. “And second, make fun of my height when you don’t look like a Roman pillar.”

“Where I’m from, the taller you are, the more powerful you are. Doesn't seem to be the case where you come from.”

“Oh, please. I could prove Darwin's theory of evolution wrong right here, right now.” Kei twitched at this, refusing to say anything, and beckoning her gaze. She looked up at him and smirked. “It clearly cannot be correct, because look at you. You look like a hominid from one million b.c.e. There’s no way I came from the likes of you.”

Kei didn't expect this, and he didn't expect himself to laugh at her joke, but he did. He had to cover his face with his hands because between the heat of the sun and his embarrassment, his face was growing red. She smirked with satisfaction. He wiped at his eyes and wiped the smile off his face with it, then cleared his throat.

“I appreciate that.” he nodded. “I wasn't aware that you were interested in science.”

“Well,” She shrugged, her eyes advertising. “There's not much I know, but out of the things I do know, I hold them rather close. My father won’t allow me to purchase any scientific texts.”

“Just hide them behind the other books.”

“What?”

“Make space behind the bookshelf to hide them there. I’ve had maids smuggle in all of mine.” Kei shrugged. She finally looked up at him, straight in the eye, and he noticed that they were so full of something spectacular, it made his heart lurch.

“Are you serious?”

“How many times do I have to repeat it? Just when I thought you were actually and intellectual human being you-”

“Can you show me?” She asked, suddenly, her face turning red as well. “I mean, only if you’re okay with that, that is.”

“I would have to tell my parents that we’re going to see my novel collection, then read on my balcony- if you’re able to tolerate that utter shit.”

“I will for Darwin.” She shrugged, standing up and picking up her petticoats. She contemplated them for a moment, just staring at them, the with one leap, threw them over the rose bush.

“They won’t notice.” She walked alongside him, tightening her corset as she did. His gaze lingered on her for a moment, before he turned away and shook his head. The idea of marriage as still absolutely dreadful, but something told him that it wouldn't be as miserable as intended.

[poor-boy-orpheus]

Hi! I'm doing my first ever Shakespeare play (The Tempest) and I got cast as Stephano! (Sorry I'm really excited) Got any advice for a newbie actor? I love LOVE your blog by the way. Ok bye have a nice day/night

Ahhhh what a great role in a truly touching show! Congratulations!! Here’s some advice:When you’re working to memorize your lines, the key is drilling them. Practice makes perfect so practice them a lot. Also, write out all of your lines in your own handwriting (not typed) from memory. This will help you connect personally to the lines because you’ll see them in your own hand as if it were a diary entry. Know the backstory of your character and where Shakespeare is silent fill in the details. Who are their parents or siblings? Where did they grow up? What’s their personality like? Why are they the way they are? What’s the most painful thing they’ve ever experienced? What’s the best thing? The roles we play are not characters, they are people, but they only get to become that if you know them well enough to color in the lines (and outside the lines as well). Acting is re-acting. Always pay attention to what’s going on onstage, even when you’re not talking, and respond to it. Don’t distract, but put real thought into how your character would respond to the things happening around them. Do research. The tempest takes place on an island after a shipwreck. Who wrecked? Do research on what their irl culture was like. What’s the island? Do research on that. What are the characters meant to represent? Research research researchDon’t watch any other versions of the show until after you’ve closed. You should be a blank canvas for your own vision and that of the director, not a carbon copy of someone else’s. On that note, the director is not there to tel you how to make every little decision. Come to rehearsal with choices and ideas already made, and be bold with them. We have a saying in theatre, “Make big mistakes.” Yes, some of your choices won’t work for the overall vision, but that’s the director’s job to sort through and tell you what to change. Your job is to make big, bold choices that can then be scaled down after the fact. There’s no hiding in theatre. You’re naked behind a transparent fourth wall and you connect to the audience. In this world we are taught to hide away and lie all the time. Someone asks how you’re doing, you say fine or good regardless of the truth. We walk down the street looking at our feet with earbuds stuffed in our head, trying to avoid everyone else. We hunch our shoulders, try not to be notified. But the theatre is a temple to Truth. Onstage we’re not pretending to be Stephano or whomever else, we are, for the first time in our lives, being honest with our feelings. We can all connect to the emotions of grief, fear, joy, love, melancholy, or longing, even if we can’t relate to the specific story being told onstage. So, when you go onstage, be secure in the knowledge that there is a wall between you and the audience, and let yourself go. Feel those emotions with the full intensity that we all do and they will resonate through your audience. Break all the legs on the Tempest!! Congratulations again!