#yes i'm a fucking grown up supposedly AND YET

[spockblanket]

.

[watermel0ns-dumb-cringe]

Have the silly Swap/John Doe AU me and @marys-ghost have created !! (Yes I consider you a creator of it you help me with ideas /silly /pos)

Yes I'm aware that there's already some aus & designs (I saw like. one andy! Ezra/John design once) of this already but FUCK YOU (/lhj) THIS IS OUR TAKE ON IT !! (no hate to the other ones btw they're all silly)

Penny Lamb ; " The Guiltiest Girl In Town . "

&

[ █▅▅▅ █▅▅█ ] 'John Doe' ; " ██▅ █▅▅█ █▅▅▆▅▅▅ ▇▅▇ ▇▅ ▇▅▅▅ . "

Elaboration under the cut

small summary ! What if Ezra & Penny had swapped places? Well, here's our take on that concept!! :]

Both of them went to the fall fair with the choir, but Penny decided not to go on the Cyclone (as she has a fear of roller coasters), staying behind to try and win some prizes for her and her little brother while he went with the choir's family/friends(the cut characters). Penny tried winning a Raggedy Ann to match with the Raggedy Andy that Ezra had won, but ended up with the porcelain doll we're all familiar with instead. She's grown rather fond of the thing,, but yeah. Temporary split up, and then the Cyclone accident happened. Father Markus prevented Penny from seeing the aftermath of it all(or. he hoped he did,, up to interpretation!), and Ezra was left unidentified once Father Markus died from a heart attack. Penny's been searching everywhere top to bottom— but she knows Ezra's gone. Yet, she doesn't wanna believe it, and. Carries a lot. of regret & guilt. Nobody ever listened to her when she tried to identify him, due to her reputation as a "psycho cannibal kid that maimed a dude, born & raised from a place where all the adults were higher than freakin' skyscrapers." Plus her. Criminal record in general. Therefore, Ezra was labeled as John Doe.

While in limbo, he ain't doing too hot either, supposedly! Unlike most versions of Jane, John is purposefully pissed off. Knowing he's been fucked over entirely but can't completely pinpoint it. I'd like to think he gets along well with Astrid,, but he & Corey might have a rivalry similar to Penny & Ocean's. haters frfr/silly

Also yeah Ez gets Raggedy Andy head the Lamb siblings r so Ann & Andy coded /pos

So. the choir never die, but the cut characters do. Unfortunately includes Talia, as we need 6 people dead. 😭

Oh yeah Penny's also filled with spite & a sheer hatred for Uranium. She will throw hands or kill a man as seen here

still kinda in progress & I do have more info for it but that's the basic plot line !!

Definitely gonna draw them a lot they're silly/vvpos

Bonus

the fornication under consent of the king bit is replaced with John beatboxing/rapping. Trishna is terrified.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

There are many things I will never forgive Rick Riordan for but the number 1 (one) thing I will always hold against him is how he treated WWII in the entire series.

To quote the PJO wiki, "[...] World War II, in the books, is described to be a huge fight between the children of Zeus and Poseidon on one side and the children of Hades on the other.

The events of World War II resulted in the pact of the Big Three, because their children were affecting the course of history too much. It was decided more demigod children would be dangerous for the mortal world."

Just. What the fuck. There are so many things that are wrong with this.

There is nothing that he can do to excuse or salvage this. He could rewrite the whole series, I don't give a fuck. This should not have happened in the first place.

I don't care if he wrote the first book in 2005, he was and still is a grown ass man with a high education from what I've read, he has no excuse. WWII has affected millions across the globe with the descendants of all too many families even having to deal with the generational trauma that came from that time period alone AND dealing with heavy deniers of the many atrocities and war crimes that were committed whilst their grandparents and great-grandparents are having hallucinations of all of their traumatic experiences (can you tell i'm speaking from experience?).

Ironically he holds (Ancient) Greece on such a high pedestal, calling it the birthplace of Western Civilisation (it isn't), and yet you can tell he obviously knows very little about the damn country whose culture he's been appropreating for almost two decades now. Making Hades the father of 3 (three) terrible war criminals in the war that, you know, Greece had been and still is greatly affected by to this day. Which is, you know, his fucking home. That he and all the other characters supposedly care about oh so much (I have so many bottled-up negative emotions about these books and absolutely no safe space to let them out, theitsa, you have no idea).

You may think I'm overreacting or taking this too seriously but I honestly couldn't care less. This is not a topic you can just joke about or treat light-heartedly. Yes, it was mentioned as an atrocity in the books, but it was still mainly treated as just "Hehe silly fight between gods! Secret History ooo!~".

Simply saying that WWII was bad is not enough, Rick, it's actually the bare minimum. You need to show it at the very least some respect by not undermining its consequences to simply "This is why we don't have kids anymore!". But you're obviously not ready to hear that yet. It still baffles me that his fans are just now discovering he is not the saint they thought he was. "How could he be a zionist ??" they all ask in unison, meanwhile the signs were all there since 2005 (at the very least).

Anyway, you don't have to answer this ask if you don't feel like it, I understand it can possibly be overwhelming. You're the first person I've seen that's actually not afraid to point out Rick's bullshit despite initially liking his books, and also the fact that you are a Greek educating people on actual Greek culture, so I felt safe sharing my thoughts with you. Thank you for your time! Καλές γιορτές! 💕

You're overreacting, especially when it comes to the World Wars! In ww2 1 in 10 Greeks died in the famine, and almost everyone I know had someone in their family executed or tortured by the Germans/Bulgarians/Italians triple occupation (not to mention getting hurt or killed in battle). These situations traumatized generations of Greeks, but Rick had the immense privilege of not considering this while writing! He treated the wars like they were play-dough for his little cutsy lore, he made our arch-enemies the children of our gods, and he can go to hell for this.

I am here for all the righteous Greek αλάτι, so if you have more thoughts, bring it on!

[an-aura-about-you]

am I really gonna move on with another chapter of Handbook for Mortals right now?

why yes, yes I am. because I know what comes next in this chapter, too, and I have no idea what this recap is gonna look like.

Chapter 15:

when we last left our hero, Scheherazade's relationship is on the rocks due to a make out with tongue misunderstanding that she decided not to clear up the easiest way possible and now Mac has left the show.

Chapter 15: The Tower

-the card chosen for the chapter title is actually relevant for once.

-staying true to the rest of the book so far, we skip over the entire show and go straight to the finale. we're finally gonna see a magic trick Zade performs for her job besides the high dive trick she auditioned with.

-Zade has decided to use "complex deep chaos-based magick" for this trick, which is dangerous because it can backfire if not done correctly. she does this because..... why does she do this?

once again all of Zeb's concern is 100% warranted.

-Zade has never done anything this hard or complex before, which means now is clearly a great time to start.

-Sofia got her singing job. good for her. glad to see she's living the dream. <3

-we've already started on the Incredibly Dangerous Illusion and Zade's mind is wandering to Mac. good start!

-she is, for some reason, conflicted about what she should say to Mac about who Charles is to her.

-ok so we've got the first bit of what this illusion does: generates a storm indoors. okay. neat.

-Zade reminds us twice in two back to back paragraphs that the power she's messing with is both strong and volatile AND that she hasn't quite mastered it yet. again, solid plan here. can't see how it might go wrong. definitely something you should do for Knockoff David Daddy Copperfield.

-"...it can all go to H-E-double-hockey-sticks real quick."

this book is supposedly not a YA book.

-Charles has been narrating her illusion, and she says he's a gifted storyteller like all magicians should be, but the whole purpose of magician patter is misdirection! something Charles doesn't need to provide in an illusion using Real Fucking Magic.

-next part of the illusion: the storm makes a wave crash over Zade, causing her to disappear.

-next part: rain from the storm turns to sand as it hits the stage and piles up only to be struck by lightning, leaving a glass sculpture of Zade. I feel like I'm watching a knockoff Salvador Dali painting come to life.

-we get a warning that Zade is Not Feeling So Great at this stage of the illusion.

-next part: another lighting strike, this one producing a rapidly growing apple tree complete with full grown man that falls out of it.

-"I could actually feel the wonder in the audience." really? because I kinda feel the way I would had someone put on a tame knockoff of a Lynch movie at a planetarium. I would think it's a nice visual thing with some obvious human parts working in it, but my own guess as an audience member would be this was some kind of shadowcast projection thing. all of it is impossible to such a degree that no sleight of hand is feasible for it. so without the explanation that it's all Real Actual Magic, the obvious fill in is this is some really good special effects and Zade actually isn't doing anything except acting against a projection. kinda like the Liam Neeson stuff in Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds.

she is, by all appearances, doing less than an actual magician's assistant would since I learned from the Breaking the Magician's Code specials that a lot of magic tricks rely on the skills of a well trained assistant or assistants.

-they throw some apples from the apple tree as a proof that it's real, which is the first thing that could possibly have a sleight of hand counterpart and thus is the first thing I as an audience member would consider a magic trick in all this.

-also are we sure chaos-magick apples are safe to eat?

-let's see, the man chops the apple tree down, wood chips fly into the audience. again, I would consider this bit a possible trick, but all of it feels like I'm just in some kind of interactive show? you know like the ones where you're like on the river rapids and it sprays water on you? this just doesn't feel like a magic trick overall, it feels like watching a short story.

-"If anyone had doubted it was a real tree they would have had to believe it at this point." no they wouldn't because it's not difficult to project the image of a falling tree, make the sound of a tree crashing into a stage, and throwing wood chips into the audience. also, why would you WANT them to think it's a real tree when you are trying to keep your magic SECRET?

-tree catches fire somehow (it is not specified as an explosion, but even then I don't know if any apple trees are also explody trees?) and a wind blows the sand up, blocking this from view.

-sand settles, fire and tree are gone, replaced by a wardrobe. the man opens the wardrobe to show it's empty, closes it, opens it again to take out a guitar and start playing. again, all things that are simple to do with projection and a sound system.

-he also puts the glass sculpture of Zade in the wardrobe

-Zade is feeling even worse and tells us she has to hold it together for just a bit longer because the illusion is almost done. good.

-wardrobe is struck by lightning, splits in two, and Zade is revealed. she then pulls an apple from her pocket, takes a bite, and faints. the man catches her, kisses her, and she wakes up. she gives him a bite of the apple, he disappears. so the man appearing and disappearing could be an illusion. that makes like 2-3 disappearing/reappearing tricks all in one with a whole bunch of special effects around them that I don't care about.

you know what's more impressive to me? the simple illusions. in fact, one of the ones that still gets me every time I see it is how the Phantom disappears at the end of The Phantom of the Opera as performed at the Royal Albert Hall. it's a simple but effective execution and stands out even more since it's not a magic show but a musical.

but this, this is SUPPOSED to be a magic show! there should be a LOT of magic! and it can be impressive to see multiple displays of the same kind of trick, especially with a specialist in it, but the thing about disappearing/reappearing act is it's the same visuals over and over again! idk maybe that's my bias since I tend to not care as much for disappearing acts, but I literally just cited a disappearing illusion as a favorite!

here, let's look at a simpler display I find more impressive than whatever the fuck Zade is doing with chaos magick. this is Francis Tabary, a magician who specializes in rope illusions:

I first saw a variation of this routine in the mid-90s on The World's Greatest Magic and I still enjoy seeing it. every single trick is just done with a rope, but it is visually varied and interesting. I get the feeling I could be sitting less than three feet away from him and I still wouldn't be able to fully see how he does it.

(also I love when he has to do his patter in English because he says, "I hope you will understand what I say and not what I do.")

-that was a nice detour and now I'm gonna go back to the book.

-Charles puts the cloak on Zade, who feels like she's dying inside. Me Too, Girl.

-lightning strikes Zade and she disappears. apparently with the magic going wrong she actually felt the lighting. why would you subject yourself to this when you didn't have to? literally you didn't have to. there was no reason to do a trick like this. why did you build the trick like this?

-Charles then picks up an apple, takes a bite, and disappears. that's it, the trick is finally over after 10 pages of description. this is the thing Zade has been working on with Charles that merited a big red carpet premiere. I want my $2 for the children's admission ticket for the planetarium field trip back.

-pfffff piece of shit dad out there taking his bows not even noticing that Zade's not out there to bow with him because she's suffering from magic internal bleeding.

-also, damn, gotta say Cam's doing a good job running this show on the fly. not one missed cue! that we know about, anyway. let's be real, that does seem like even odds on this being either a detail Sarem would ignore completely or would spend a solid 2/5ths of the chapter going over.

-the cat is sitting on the book again. also me, he is sitting on me.

-Zade manages to collapse in Zeb's arms, which wouldn't have been her first choice because she'd much rather do that with Jackson. but Zeb is like one of the few people who's gonna know what's going on! this is like the ideal situation once shit's fucked!

-Zade tells the gang backstage to call her mother before things go black.

then we get this:

That's the last thing I personally remembered from that day. Later, after I'd had some time to rest, I pulled out the memories of what everyone else saw and what happened.

so good news, we know Zade is gonna be perfectly fine! no need to worry about pesky things like tension!

-apparently fucking the magic up enough has left Zade in a state where she's practically choking on her own blood.

-Mac came back in time for all this btw. and instead of anyone trying to put Zade down in the recovery position (which idk if that's even appropriate for this but that seems moot since magic malady) or listen to the 911 dispatcher that Tad had Riley call, they just let Mac take over holding Zade.

-oh my god, even with all this going on, Zade notices in the memories that Zeb looks somewhat upset and thinks, "Maybe he didn't hate me after all." priorities.

-Charles says he's going with Mac to the hospital, and Mac is burned by this but at least has the good sense not to argue right now.

-omg Zade has to tell us the memories are painful to see because all of the people who love her are hurting soooooo much to see her suffering~

-Mac has enough of himself put together to be pissed at having to drive Charles and Charles is too upset to notice.

-Zade is actually getting care from a doctor that is implied to be the head doctor of the hospital. nothing but the finest for our mary sue.

-oh boy here we fucking go guys: the doctor asks for a member of the family since Zade is unconscious and can't consent. after being pressed, Charles reveals that he's Zade's father.

was it worth it?

-Mac then says he saw Charles and Zade kiss, which clearly grosses Charles out. also a lie since remember he couldn't bare [sic] to watch Zade and Spellman kiss.

-I don't know why Mac needs to talk about this now when the doctor obviously needs somebody to give the go-ahead on something. which also doesn't make sense to me because it seems like they could still do something to at least stabilize Zade, but maybe they're at that point and it's just not specified.

-omg Mac asks Charles if Zade knew this and he said yes. the book is right here confirming that Zade has known that Charles is her father. 0 excuses for any of the bullshit she's been pulling.

-apparently Zade found out recently, but by "recently" we mean "since basically the start of the book and that's when she came to work for him," which still means "the whole time," for our purposes.

ok to be fair it is not made clear if she knew before or after she actually got the job. it's possible this reveal happened during the conversation we were not made privy to in chapter 2. but it's ambiguous enough that it's possible Zade has known since chapter 0.

-Mac rethinks everything and considers how it makes sense now, but I still thing Zade's behavior has incestuous tones, like how she tried to reassure Mac about Spellman taking her to dinner with, "A girl's gotta eat." Zade obfuscated everything in the worst possible way when she could have used other tactics.

-also as far as why Charles hasn't said anything until now, he said he was abiding by Dela's wish to keep it secret. it is not made clear if this is some kind of binding magic taboo or not. it's certainly implied to be, but so far we haven't been made aware of the terms of this taboo. which seems pretty important since not only has he just broken it by telling the doctor, it seems possible that he ALSO broke it by telling Zade!

this also puts chapter 0 in a different light if the catalyst for Zade leaving home was finding out Spellman is her father, which would actually make sense. but again, if that's the case, then that means Zade knew the entire time and has been emotionally tormenting Mac for no good reason.

-I Would Like It If This Book Stopped Talking About The Concept Of Zade And Her Dad Making Out.

-Charles then tells Mac that Zade kissed him on the cheek, making the make out with tongue paragraph from the last chapter even worse since we were just gonna see the same thing in THIS chapter!

-Mac said Zade wasn't lying, but she was!! it's called lying by omission! she was intentionally leaving important information out!

That!

Is!

Lying!!!!!!

-oh hey Lambo Girl is here! she's here just to be seen for some reason. who knows why.

-the doctor makes an offhand mention of Dr. House and the book grinds to a halt for a full page to explain who House is because Charles didn't get the reference.

-man, it's so sad seeing Zade in her ICU hospital bed all covered in IV lines and tubes knowing full well she's gonna be perfectly fine by the end of the book.

-Dela calls Charles right after they all get settled in the room. damn, this is what you're using your magic for?

-Dela knows what's wrong. Charles suggests she come to Las Vegas. Dela insists they have to bring Zade to Tennessee. WHY? doesn't this sound like the more dangerous thing to do?

-Dela's explanation is that she needs her tools and her altar. I'm calling bullshit. you can bring your tools and build an altar where you need to. even if it needs like a special altar, you don't think you can find one in Vegas? we already know there are other people who know magic here; if it's like a church thing where it doesn't have to be an altar you build yourself, why not use one there? and if it has to be one you made, why not make one? this just sounds like putting your daughter through needless risk.

-"She could die. Couldn't she?" but she won't because she's telling the story.

-Dela is laying out tarot cards during this conversation. "She examined the cards carefully as if she were deciphering a code. That's kind of how reading cards goes." the narration says that like it hasn't shown us Zade doing the most incompetent card reading I have ever seen.

-why is Zade giving us a tarot card lesson while recounting her near-death experience?

-"Only sometimes can you change your destiny but that is hard and is a subject for another time and a later book." are you seriously giving me your discount knockoff May Those Who Accept Their Fate Be Granted Happiness, May Those Who Defy Their Fate Be Granted Glory speech, Miss "The Cards Haven't Told Me Which Boy I Should Marry"? not to mention a Michael Ende-esque hint to tantalize at another book.

-we get a full paragraph to explain the waxing and waning moon. not just the significance of those times in witchcraft, which even that's dumbed down, but what waxing and waning themselves mean.

you've literally covered this book with the triple moon symbol.

also Dela mentions the moon is waning. this could have been the opening to give the context that would explain it without having to go all baby dictionary on us, like saying the spell will have to be done on the night of the new moon.

-I'm glad the doctor likewise thinks letting Zade fly to Tennessee in her condition is nutso bananas.

-oof, the doctor's gonna make Charles sign a release that he understands that Zade is now his responsibility and that this may kill her. his priority, according to the narration, is avoiding a lawsuit. good god, does ANYONE in this book have even a shred of compassion? possibly not considering Sarem's callousness.

and the chapter ends with Charles telling Mac the two of them need to take Zade to Tennessee and reaffirming everything we had just learned from Dela.

just to rephrase this, the chapter ends with our big strong powerful honest to goodness magic using not like other girls protagonist at death's door for reasons that are pretty much her fault and needing to be rescued by her mother, her father, and the guy she's been kissing but they have not defined their relationship and parted on bad terms when they last saw each other and also she's been lying by omission to him. I think that covers everything.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Eight

A/N: Okay, firstly I cannot apologize enough for the delay. I'm sorry for not posting when I planned on, I have no idea how I feel about this chapter, it's all over the place and I've honestly thought of erasing it and starting back over but that'd take even longer and I don't want to make you guys wait any more. I'm sorry for falling through on my assurance I'd post by Friday.

Timeline in case anyone is wondering, this chapter starts around the 18th of September (flashback is last couple days in July) and ends at the end of September.

I hope you guys like it, perfectly understandable if y'all don't and I will be trying harder next time. Thank you🖤

P.S.--I haven't forgotten about the "D" Viv gets tattooed on her, it's being mentioned in the next chapter.

Words: 4.4K

Warning(s): Explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, insensitive implication of suicide.

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I'm taking another bite of eggs, before an issue of Playboy is plopped down in front of me, into my food. 

I was expecting the cover to hit stands sooner, rather than later. We went back on tour the first of September, and the issue wasn't out until September 16, a couple days after getting back on tour from a separate break that took place a week and a half after our first break at the end of July did.

I'm on the cover, naked, and I hesitantly run my eyes up Doc's body to his eyes, giving an uneasy smile, knowing I'm in trouble. 

I swallow my food and he glares at me. 

Within ten minutes, he's got all of us back into another meeting. 

"Playboy?!" He's pacing the floor, throwing his hands up. "Y-You…" he trails off, the vein popping out on his forehead. 

I look around and notice everybody--Ross, Fred, Tommy, Vince, Mick, Rich--has got a copy of it, flipping through, including Nikki, and I feel my face heat up, slowly sliding down in my seat. 

"...Playboy!" Doc gets out again, before he starts laughing. 

"Was a staff meeting really necessary for this?" I ask him. 

"I mean, it could be worse." Fred tries to take up for me as my question is ignored. 

"Yeah, she could've went behind our backs and shot a porno." Vince adds, glancing at me. "...or did you do that, too?" 

Apparently I don't deny that quick enough because Doc is looking at me with an even more severe look. 

"Did you?!" He asks. 

"No?!" I argue, starting to get pissed. "I posed for Playboy, what's the big deal?" 

Doc starts laughing again. 

"What's the big deal? What's the big deal? What's the bi--what's the big deal?!" He pulls at his hair. "I am about to have a heart attack. I am about to have a heart attack. You--" he lets out a loud yell of frustration and we all look at each other. "--Are you trying to kill me, Viv?! 'Cause I feel like you are!"

"From a photography perspective, they're quite beautiful photos." Ross says positively.

"Yes, I for one want to express my gratitude and admiration for Saint Viv's--well, Dirty Stripper Viv's--contribution to the livelihood of many a jerking offs." Vince states. "Also would like to note," he looks at a particular picture of me before adding, "I've only imagined her doing this position but now that it's here on paper, I'd like her to demonstrate--slowly, in detail--exactly how she twisted hersel--"

"--Dude, shut up!" Tommy snaps, his hands over his eyes, his head back, and Vince grins at me, making me roll my eyes. 

It kind of scares me how quiet Nikki is as he calmly thumbs through his. 

"Okay." Doc takes a deep breath. "When did this happen?" He asks me.

"I got an offer in the mail, and took them up on it, and when we were in Chicago I went by their studio." I explain. "I still don't know what the big deal is. I thought it was the idea for rockstars and Playboy models to be together." 

Doc looks at me with flared nostrils before flipping through his magazine.

"Whose is this?" He asks, turning the magazine around to show me, his finger on Duff's bass. 

I just look at him, not knowing what to say. 

"I know what every bass of Nikki's looks like and it's got too many personalized ticks on it for it to be a random prop they tossed at you." He adds. 

The room is quiet for a moment.

"It's Duff's." Nikki says and Doc raises his brows. 

"The fuck is that?" He questions me. 

"Guns N' Roses bassist." Nikki informs him, his tone neutral.

I'm afraid to look at him, knowing it's gonna break my heart. 

"The band that you've been in my ear about bringing on the tour?"

Nikki let's out a confirming sigh and Doc looks at me. 

"So this kid's gonna bring this bass to play on tour, and everybody's gonna recognize it when they flip through your little stunt here," he waves the magazine, "and it's all gonna come together and they're gonna realize a few days after Vanity allegedly dropped a bombshell about her and Nikki supposedly having an affair--which is said to be bullshit--his wife comes out humping another man's fuckin' bass." He tells me and I roll my eyes. "You roll your eyes all you want. Vanity fucking fried all of us, and then you decided to toss us into the fucking fire. Not that I expect anything different from a goddamn Sixx at this point. You both know how to make shit worse than it already is." 

"I highly doubt they'll notice, Doc." Tommy cuts in again. 

"You stay out of this." Doc snaps at him. 

Another beat of silence goes by.

"Nikki? Your thoughts? You're her fucking husband. You helped kickstart this snowball of shit that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. What's your fucking opinion on her doing this? Am I gonna have to worry about you bending another girl over on stage and going to town in retaliation or what?" Doc sarcastically throws out there. "I mean nothing will fucking surprise my anymore. I just need to know what I need to prepare to clean up next." 

My heart pounds as I look at Nikki, liner smudged, tired eyes, glancing at me as he lets out a defeated sigh. 

"She's a grown woman, Doc." He surprisingly says and I widen my eyes in shock, as everyone else looks worried that Nikki's not screaming at me for it right now. 

Not yet, at least.

"That's it?" Doc asks him, raising his brows. "She didn't say a word about it, didn't give a warning, a heads up, nothing, and she comes out like this and you have absolutely nothing to fucking say?" 

Nikki just shrugs. 

"She just does whatever the hell she wants to do. Doesn't matter how I'd feel before, why does it matter what I feel like, now? Like I said, she's grown. Whatever she wants to do, she can do." He finishes, standing up to leave. 

"Nikki, are you fucking me right now?!" Doc complains as Nikki heads to the door. "You flip your shit over tiny stuff but your own wife does this without even telling you about it and you just brush it off?!"

"Just because she calls me 'daddy' doesn't mean I can act like her fucking father, Doc." Nikki sternly says and my face heats up. "We're not even together so why the fuck would I care what she does or who she does it with?" 

His bark was "I don't give a fuck" and "she can do whatever she wants", but a couple months later his bite was "you aren't worth a fucking thing which is why you had to get naked in a magazine to get validation in the first place" then proceeded to bare his teeth down further into my heart by adding, "just another pussy to unload in and get on to the next attention-humping slut." 

The next thing I knew, Duff was knocking him to the ground and the two of them started ripping into each other like dogs.

Once the meeting is over, after another hour of going back and forth, feeling like I was going to vomit from impending guilt, I'm getting back to my room and making a beeline for the toilet. 

I take a deep breath once I'm done, wiping the few tears from my cheeks. 

I don't feel bad for posing…the entire meeting it took everything not to confess that me posing naked with Duff's bass should be the least of their worries, compared to what other activities  I've gotten up to with him the last time the band had a couple days off and we went back to L.A. 

The sound of my room phone ringing pulls me out of my head

“Hello?” I answer.

“H-Hey.” I hear Tansy’s voice on the other end and I perk up.

“Hey, Tans, how’re you feeling?” I ask her, nervously.

“Good, um…” She lets out a soft sigh. “...I relapsed.”

I close my eyes for a moment, exactly like I did last week, and the week before, and the week before, and so on.

After Sparkie did his damage, Tansy promised to swear the bastard off. But within two weeks of her incident, she was back with him, only because her babysitters--Slash and Steven--left her unattended and she ran off to find him.

They’d find her, threaten Sparkler, bring her back home and the second they turned around long enough, she was gone again. 

Nikki had ordered them that she wasn't supposed to be around Sparkie because he had "accidentally" taken it too far while they were messing around…

Skylar squeals as tickle at her stomach, shampoo sticking her blonde hair straight up while Sharise runs a wash cloth over Sky's back.

When she's done, she's wringing the water out of it. 

"Sky, we gotta wash the shampoo out of your hair." I tell her.

"Nuh." She protests, shaking her head. 

"Skylar, we gotta get the shampoo out so we can get conditioner in your hair and get the tangles out."

"Nuh." She states, looking at us like we're crazy. 

"Don't be a diva like daddy." Sharise tell her, raising her brows. 

"Da-da?" 

"Da-da's golfing." She replies.

Skylar looks between us. 

"Nuh." She argues. "Beebee." She points at me. 

Sharise looks at me and hands me the little plastic cup she uses to rinse Sky's hair. 

"I'm gonna grab a towel from the couch." Sharise tells me. "Let Veevee rinse your hair." 

Skylar's cooperative, letting me get the shampoo from her hair and letting me put conditioner in and rinsing it out. 

When we're done, Sharise is picking Skylar up from the bath and wrapping her in her towel. 

The phone starts ringing and I dry hands off and stand up. 

"I'll get it." I assure Sharise.

"Alright, it could be Vince. He said he'd call before he headed home."

"Okay."

I go to the living room and pick the phone up.

"Hello?"

"I'm coming by to pick you up." It's Nikki, and I furrow my brows and look at the time. 

"What're you doing up before two o'clock?" 

"I got a call from a hospital in Malibu. Tansy's in surgery right now."

My blood runs cold and I can't get my thoughts together. 

"Just be ready when I get there." He adds. "I'm leaving the house, now."

"O-Okay." 

He hangs up and I head to Skylar's room where Sharise is helping her pick out some clothes. 

"That was Nikki." I inform her and she looks at me. "Tansy's at the hospital in the middle of a surgery."

"Oh my God, is she okay?" 

"I don't know."

"Is she having more heart problems or--"

"--I have no idea, Sharise. Nikki didn't explain."

Despite her body being pumped full of varying drugs, none of them caused her to be sent to the ER. Something else entirely, did though.

"She's more susceptible to complications during surgery due to her previous heart problems and her drug use. She did decide to sign a DNR--"

"--I'm sorry, what's been signed?" Nikki raises his brows at the nurse. 

"A do-not resuscitate order. Meaning if she were to code, we can not perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation." 

"So you just fucking let her die?!" 

"Nikki, they had to explain to her what it meant, and she still agreed--" I'm cut short.

“--You know how much fucking heroin she fucking shoots on a daily basis?! I'm not even sure she could fucking see to sign her God damn in the first place, let alone comprehend you motherfuckers selling her death!" Nikki barks and the nurse sighs.

“Nikki, she’ll be fine.” I try to tell him.

"Fuck that!" He screams, fear in his eyes.

"Nikki, that's only if something goes wrong, alright? So far everything is going okay." I try to reassure him, my eyes drifting to her nurse. "Right?"

The surgery itself was going smoothly. One thing Tansy didn't tell us, however, was one of her kidneys was shot from her drug and alcohol abuse, and she asked her doctor to go ahead and take the thing out.

"She's in good hands." Is all the nurse says, before adding, "she should be out in a couple more hours." 

She walks away and Nikki shakes his head and lets out a heavy breath. 

"It'll be okay." I say to him.

“You gonna fucking pray about it or something?” He sneers at me.

“Yes.”

“Right, imaginary friends solve all of the world’s problems.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me doing something that brings me some peace.” I argue.

“You’ve been praying for me for the past six years. Feel any fucking peace, yet?” He snaps.

Believe it or not, no. I hadn’t felt any fucking peace.

It doesn’t take Tansy much longer to get out of surgery, and Nikki and I are horrified when her doctor explains what exactly he was repairing, being that the nurse wouldn’t tell us.

“Like...a shooter sized bottle--”

“--Pint.” He says to us and Nikki and I look at eachother.

“They tried to fit a pint sized bottle of Jack into her…?” I trail off.

“Well, they made it fit, it just didn’t stay intact.” He replies.

“The bottle of her vagina?” I question.

“I had to stitch up her vaginal wall extensively, and made sure to remove every piece of glass, including micrograins. Her left fallopian tube would have been compromised if the piece of glass that completely punctured through her vaginal wall, would have moved 0.004mm, which is about the thickness of a single strand of hair.” He states. “She’s very lucky her uterus or ovaries weren’t compromised. That wouldn’t have been as easy of a fix.”

“A--A bottle?” I’m stll stuck on them fitting a fucking bottle into her, my face twisted in horror as my stomach drops and my skin crawls.

He holds up a small container and rattles it around, the sound of glass swishing around making me cringe.

“Jesus fucking christ.” Nikki lets out.

“I’m going to tell her when she wakes, but please reiterate after me, that the next time she and her partner wish to add some heat to their sex life, maybe try not to be so blatantly reckless.” He suggests and Nikki and I nod, still speechless.

In a couple more hours, Nikki and I’s ears perk when she groans a little, our eyes shifting to look at her in her hospital bed.

Her bright blue eyes blink open, her brows furrowed in confusion, and it seems everything slowly falls into place for her.

“Tans?” Nikki says and she looks straight at him, just blinking.

“Where’s Sparkie?” She asks and we look at each other.

“We haven’t seen him.” I explain.

“Oh.” She quietly mumbles, closing her eyes again for a moment.

“Tansy, what the hell happened?” Nikki starts, a sharp tone in his voice.

She looks at me, carefully, before speaking.

“We were just trying to spice things up.” She says softly.

“With a fucking Jack Daniel’s bottle that clearly wouldn’t naturally fit inside of you?” He lets out.

She doesn’t say a word back, I almost think she doesn’t hear him, until she says:

“I’m not fighting right now.”

“Let’s just let her rest, okay?” I suggest. “She’s exhausted and she doesn’t need to be stressed out right now.”

Nikki sighs, but keeps his mouth shut.

After a few more minutes, I’m wanting a snack.

“You have any cash?”

He looks at me and I give him my best smile, making him exhale softly, digging in his back pocket for his wallet.

“How much?” He asks, clearing his throat.

“Like, a couple bucks.” I shrug and he hands it to me. “Thank you.”

I go to the vending machines past the waiting area, to see Sparkie sitting by the window, eating his food, and I glare at him as I walk by.

He doesn’t see me, unfortunately, and I just keep going to the Pepsi Cola machine calling my name.

I want to go curse him out, but Tansy doesn’t need the stress, and being they were both high as a kite, I can’t solely put the blame on him and only him.

She should have just left him years ago. All he’s been is trouble that she doesn’t need.

I get my Pepsi and a pack of M&Ms, walking around a little to stretch my legs since I’ve been sitting for hours.

I let out a heavy breath when I remember I’m nearly out of Nardil, being I flushed a majority of my bottle down the toilet in an angry effort.

I’ll make sure to call in some more before we leave for the next leg of the tour.

As I start on my way back to the room, I’m interrupted by the sight of Nikki and Sparkie standing face to face in the waiting room, and I drop my Pepsi and food when Nikki slams Sparkie’s head into the wall without a single word beforehand.

“Sir!” The receptionist yells, standing up as I go to them as fast as I can to get Nikki off of him as he grabs his shirt and punches the shitfire out of Sparkie, one of his teeth crumbling to the floor.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” He promises as he punches him two more times, not taking a breath in between with no signs of stopping his assault until Sparkie’s brain is bursting from his skull, but I’m managing to get Nikki off of him, making him drop Sparkie to the floor, his nose and mouth busted up as security comes in.

We were escorted out, and when we got home I called Steven and informed him what happened to Tansy, leaving out what actually happened because I didn’t need anyone else possibly being sued for trying to kill Sparkie, and he went to keep an eye on her.

“Anyone else you want to beat the shit out of while we’re home?” I snap as we get to the car.   “First Vanity, now Sparkie--”

"--What, you wanna go back in there and coddle him the way you did Vanity?" He hisses and I roll my jaw. 

"You know exactly why I 'coddled' her."

"Oh, right, because men aren't suppose to hit women so I'm an evil bastard for knocking the shit out of her even though she was punching and hitting at me."

"I've punched and hit at you and you've never--"

"--She came into our house, attacked me, and punched you, too, Vivian! I had a reason to bust her face up a little bit!"

"I can handle shit myself, Nikki, there was no need for you to hit her like that!" 

"It's called 'equal rights'! All you women want is to be seen equally and shit! You fucking punch me like you're a man, I'm gonna fucking punch you back, like you're a fucking man! Don't hit me like you've got bigger balls than I do and then scream and cry and whine and plead 'frail, innocent, victimized, dainty, woman' when you get treated equally!" 

"I don't do that!" 

"No, but you sure as hell were all about feeding the cracked out beast when she fucking did!" 

"That's it. I'm walking home." 

"Walking home? We're forty minutes away from L.A., Viv." 

"I'll hitch a ride! I'd rather be in a car with a sketchy stranger than be trapped with you for the next hour!"

"You've been trapped with me the past four years!" He barks. 

"Not for much longer, thank God!" I bite out and his face slowly falls. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Pretty sure going our separate ways is just inevitable for us at this point, Viv, so it's fine." He brushes it off and my heart hurts at the thought. "And I'm sorry for going after Sparkie in public. But I'm not apologizing for defending Tansy. I'm not ever gonna be sorry for defending any of my friends."

“What happened, Nikki?” I ask him. “What the hell made you go after him like that? You were fine when I left.”

He lets out a breath, his nostrils flaring, his knuckles gripping tightly to the wheel as he closes his eyes and forces himself to calm down, before saying:

“Nothing. I just really thought about it and it got to me.”

I didn’t find out what happened until Tansy told me months down the road, and nobody else knows that’s actually what happened.

If Stevie and Slash knew what really occurred to put Tansy in that shape to begin with, they would’ve killed Sparkie the second Tansy first went back and "relapsed" on him.

"Tansy, he hurt you." I remind her. "And I know it was an accident but it doesn't matter. He could've seriously messed you up more than he did."

"I know, but I love him, Viv." She argues. 

"Tansy--"

"--Nikki shot you. And you're still with him." 

"Because Nikki was high out of his mind and didn't realize he actually was shooting at me. He thought I was someone after him." 

"Sparkie was fucked up and didn't know he was hurting me."

"Who the hell shoves a pint-sized glass bottle up their cunt to begin with, Tansy?" I raise my voice, getting aggravated with her.

"I'm gonna go." She tells me, calmly, after a moment of being quiet. "And I saw your Playboy issue--Steven got it. You look very beautiful." She genuinely says and I let out a defeated breath.

"Thanks."

"I'll talk to you later, Viv, okay?"

"Got it."

"I love you, bye."

"I love you, too, bye-bye." 

I hang up and fall back on the bed, groaning loudly in frustration. 

"How the hell can someone be as passively suicidal as she is?" I let out.

I'd find out soon enough.

In the last ten days of September, "Girls, Girls, Girls" is certified double-platinum, a $5000 lawsuit is filed against the band after a mother had apparently suffered "severe hearing dysfunction and mental anguish" at a recent concert. 

I wish I could sew these bastards for hearing dysfunction and mental anguish because God himself sure as shit knows I've had my fair share of it due to them, too.

By the end of the month, Nikki has Doc convinced to bring Guns N Roses on tour for the south leg, starting at the end of October…and I don't know how to feel about it. 

"Are you not excited about it?" Fred asks me after Doc leaves his hotel room after coming in to tell me the news. "Thought they were your buddies." He adds and I look at him from where I'm eating a fry from the fast food bag that he'd gone and got for us.

"They are." I confirm, nodding. "I'm excited." 

"...You just acted like Doc told you we were going to a funeral." He chuckles, sipping his drink and I lick my lips a little. 

"No, it's great, I'm just a little stressed out." I shrug. "But I'm fine." 

"Viv, what's going on?" He's not buying it and Iet out a soft breath, nervously picking the skin from the instead of my cheek with my teeth. 

"There's just a slight complication." I tell him and he raises his brows. 

"I'm all ears." He offers and I exhale, shaking my head a little, before opting for a way to confess my sins to him without him knowing I'm the one that needs forgiveness. 

"Well, you know how Sparkie and Tansy have been together for a long time?"

"Yeah." He nods. 

"She's really good friends with Axl, too, and her and Sparkie have been having some problems and might even break up so Tansy's been anxious and panicking a little, and, well…" I think for a moment. "...over this past break, Tansy slept with Axl." I say and his brows raise. "Who's the singer for Guns, and they've kinda been having a weird relationship situation thing happening ever since, but she's still with Sparkie, and being that she and Sparkie are along for the tour, Axl's gonna be around and she doesn't want Sparkie to find out what's been happening." 

"Why won't Tansy just break things off with Sparkie?"

"She doesn't want to hurt him."

"He's a piece of shit to her, are you kidding me? I'd tell that motherfucker he could go blow his fucking brains out over it." He scoffs, chewing his burger and I feel my heart sink, apparently he reads the look on my face. "Sorry, I forget women are wired a different way than guys are." He apologizes, swallowing his food before saying:

"Does Axl make her happier, you think?" 

"Sparkie's just exhausting her at this point. I think she really loves him, she's just tired of fighting and she hasn't had any peace in years, you know? She's just really tired. But when she's with Axl, she feels like everything isn't falling apart. She's at peace." 

"I think she's gotta tell Sparkie they just aren't working anymore. And be honest about how she feels instead of trying to brush over it and find ways to escape from it. I've seen her do some questionable shit, and I know it's because she's in pain and just doesn't want to deal with what's hurting her. I think this fling she's got with this dude is another way of crying for a way out, but she feels like she's too trapped to actually leave Sparkie." He explains. 

I nod slowly, tearing up a little. 

"I'm just worried about it, is all."

"Don't be." He shakes his head. "Just tell her what I just told you, and maybe she'll be done with Sparkie before Guns comes on a month from now." 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment.

"I doubt it." I say so quietly he doesn't even hear it.

I felt like I'd gotten a little bit of my guilt off my chest--aside from the fact that I was leaving out a minor detail:

"Sparkie" = Nikki, "Tansy" = Vivian, and, "Axl" = Duff.

[dalgonachan]

Kiss It Better

member: Mingyu x reader

genre: fluff with a dash of angst, live-in partners, non-idol au (?)

warnings: swearing, mentions of injuries, mentions of alcohol, suggestive content

prompt: there's no doubt his kisses were all you needed to feel a whole lot better

word count: 1735

a/n: i had a hard time choosing what gif to put so pls don’t kill me

The comfort of lying in bed lessens the throbbing pain in your head. With eyes shut and breaths evened out, you try to keep your focus on achieving the state of relaxation you need. The silence, however, only seems to amplify the throbbing; you groan through clenched teeth.

"How much does it hurt?" The sound of Mingyu's husky voice fills your ears.

You want to tell him that your head feels like exploding, that you want to bang your head straight on a wall, that it hurt so much worse than hell. Instead, the pain restrains you from saying any more than two words.

"A lot." You reply weakly.

The bed dips and you feel Mingyu shuffling by your side. His hand rests warmly on your cheek for him to caress, then it trails upwards to your hair and runs his fingers through it. You let out a shaky sigh as you relished in the gentleness of his touch. Somehow, it helps you tolerate the headache.

"My poor baby," Mingyu mutters before placing a chaste kiss to your forehead.

"May you feel better soon, (Y/n)."

His hand stops to rest on your shoulder and you feel him scoot closer to press your foreheads together. A small smile forms on your lips, an expression that showed your content towards Mingyu's sweet little action. There was no doubt he had a healing kiss because, at that moment, you could feel the pain slowly subsiding.

Hot oil spatters out of the pan and lands on your arm, the brief scalding sensation making you yelp and hop away from the stove. Earlier today, you had asked Mingyu if he could teach you to cook which he immediately (and enthusiastically) complied. Now, he was laughing at you for being too afraid to come near the stove after being exposed to minuscule droplets of oil and a harmless burn.

"Stop laughing at me, you little shit!" You barked, but he only cackled even louder. "That actually hurt! I don't understand how you're able to withstand it."

"You're just weak." He teased and you glared at him. "Now come back here, you little shit. We're not done yet."

You shook your head and backed away. "Nuh-uh."

"Quit being such a scaredy-cat." It only took Mingyu a single stride for him to reach your arm and tug you back to his side. "You're all grown up already. You need to learn how to cook so that you can feed yourself without needing anybody's help."

"But it's so hot and my arm still hurts!" You whined, pouting at him while pointing at the spot the oil had hit.

"(Y/n), I literally don't see anything wrong with it." He said as he took you by the wrist and examined your arm.

"But it hurts." You insisted.

With an exasperated sigh, he pulled your arm next to his face and grazed his lips over the skin you claimed to have gotten burnt before turning to you and grumbling, "You're such a baby."

You flash him a cheeky grin. "But I'm your baby."

Sometimes, his kisses were all you needed even when unnecessary.

It takes a while before you finally decide what you're in the mood to wear. Grabbing your clothes, you toss them onto the bed while shutting the closet doors when—

"YAAA!" Mingyu jumps out of hiding and scares you shitless.

Startled, you shriek and accidentally bump into the closet. You don't need the loud thud to tell you how hard the impact was because you've already fallen to the floor while cradling your knee.

"Oh my god! Are you okay?!" Mingyu hurriedly gets down to your side, regret and worry on his face as he looks down at your writhing figure.

"You fucking son of a bitch, do I look like I'm okay?!" You yell and it takes everything in you to stop yourself from slapping him. "I'm going to get a bad bruise and it's all your fault!"

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt." He sounds so genuinely apologetic that it washes away all your anger. "I'm going to get some ice. Just stay here, okay?"

With that, he leaves the room and you listen to the echo of his footsteps trudging down the stairs.

"I don't think I'm going anywhere, Mingyu." You mutter with a chuckle as you manage to get off the ground and prop yourself on the bed.

Lifting your leg, you observe the dark-hued discoloration beginning to bloom on your knee. The swelling pain makes you cringe and you bite down on your lip to keep from hissing. Soon, Mingyu returns with an ice pack in hand and he kneels before you to place it on the fresh bruise. The sharp coldness on the injury causes your lips to knit into nothing but a thin line on your visage.

"I'm sorry, (Y/n)." He says, looking up at you with sad puppy eyes, pouting all the while with his lower lip jutting out.

"It's alright. You didn't mean it." You shrug nonchalantly, brushing his forehead free from hair then flicking it. "Just don't do it again, you idiot."

He flinches back in surprise, then nods while grinning sheepishly. "Yes, yes. I won't. I'm sorry."

Seconds later, Mingyu lifts the ice pack away to look at the bruise forming on your skin; you grimace at the sight of red and purple clotting right below the surface. Carefully, he lowers his lips until they delicately make contact with your knee. You don't feel anything due to the numbness caused by the ice, but you're pretty sure that kiss was just as good as any remedy—maybe, even better.

Soreness; it's the first thing you feel throughout your entire body when you wake up. The urge to immerse yourself in a hot shower reels your head off the pillow, but you wince halfway through sitting up by a twinge on your shoulder. To make things worse, the supposedly short-lived pain eventually flares into a nonstop stinging sensation. Wondering what the hell was bothering you so early in the morning, you look over to check on it and discover a huge hickey just right above your shoulder blade.

Last night was a blur thanks to all the alcohol, but you can still clearly recall making love with Mingyu. His canines were something you were fully aware of, but you had absolutely no idea how damn hard he could bite. You trace your fingers over the love mark and let out a whimper, partly out of shock and of pain.

Just then, your attention shifts to the man lying next to you who's stirred from his sleep. You watch him stretch out his arms and legs as he heaves a long and deep yawn. It takes a while before his eyes flutter open and he sees you staring, a silly smile lighting up his already handsome features to greet you good morning. However, the smile drops when he sees you rubbing the area he had bitten and instantly, he's up to take a look at it too.

"Does it hurt that bad?" Mingyu asks, furrowing his brows.

"Pretty much, yeah." You try to sound as casual as possible to make him less worried about it. "Hickeys last for only a few days though, so it's nothing."

He doesn't say anything, but the disapproving frown on his face speaks for himself. Seconds later, his strong arms wrap you in warmth as he pecks the skin he had nipped the night before. The desire of a hot shower is long forgotten as the two of you retreat into the covers once again.

It wasn't supposed to be much of a big deal, yet here you were bawling your eyes out on the couch. You were caught in the pounding rain on the way home and in your rush, failed to notice that you had dropped the keyring Mingyu had given you years ago. Most people would simply shrug it off and get on with their lives, but for you, that Mickey Mouse keyring possessed great sentimental value; it served as a reminder of the time you and Mingyu celebrated your first anniversary as a couple.

Back then, he had surprised you a few days before that you were going on a trip to Hong Kong Disneyland. The sudden announcement made your jaw drop from utter disbelief, especially because of the fact that he had paid so much and you were going out of the country just to celebrate your first anniversary together. It was a one week vacation, but the events in Disneyland were the only memories that stayed with you after you left Hong Kong. You had so much fun that Mingyu decided to buy you the keyring as a souvenir and you've never stopped using it ever since... until you lost it out of pure carelessness.

"It's alright, (Y/n). Look at me, I'm not mad at all." Mingyu said, trying to console you from your distress.

"But you gave that to me on our first year together and... and... now, it's gone forever!" You wailed in between hiccups caused by ceaseless sobbing. "I probably look like an idiot for crying over a keyring, but I'm an even bigger idiot for losing it!"

Your lament makes you cry even harder as Mingyu encases you into a soothing hug. It successfully pacifies your sadness and soon enough, your bawling gradually turns into sniffles.

"Are you still upset about it?" Mingyu puts his hands on either side of your face to wipe away your tears with his thumbs.

"Yeah." You respond in a quavering voice.

"Will it be possible for me to kiss it better?" He asks; his eyes are focused on you, but you catch them flicker to your lips for a split second.

It was a simple and innocent question, yet it was more than enough to lift your spirits. You smile at him affectionately and lightly giggle. "Well, there was never a time your kisses never worked, so go ahead."

He grins mirthfully, a charming sight adorning his gorgeous visage, making you fall for him ten times over again. Without further ado, your lips touch and it sparks a feeling so magical that you melt into each other. Your heartbeat quickens the same way your breaths do and in that blissful moment, you could already feel him curing you of melancholy.

[mytcisanartteacher]

November Days 20-30

Ok so since I am no longer in a relationship, I started getting feelings for my TC again. Anyway... lets get back to this November TC thing.

20. Any photos? How'd you get them?

- yes, I do. Because of yearbook. From spirit week, to his classes, and the fun times on wrestling trips with the team. He's super cute, he says he isn't photogenic... but he is 😊

21. Do you plan on staying in contact after you leave?

- I do, I hope so. I'll probably ask for his socials. Also, I told him that if he ever gets a child (in the future, with his wife) I'll babysit since I still plan on staying in town. I would love to stay in touch with him.

22. Favorite scenario that you made up with them.

- oh my gosh... I have so many and they are all so intimate and sexual though. A majority of them are, but I make up scenarios of us talking. I think my most favorite is that us talking on the docks during the summer. I would sit at the docks for hours, looking at the sea, having the bright sun tan me, hearing the waves and birds... then he would "supposedly" be doing a leisurely walk on the docks and strike up a conversation. My most favorite.

23. Ever seen them outside of school?

- yes definitely, but rarely. I had a job, I saw him at the store twice that whole summer. I saw him biking (like hella fast) and it was cute because he was acting childlike. The other time was when I saw him leaving his house, so I biked fast down the park and pretended that I didn't see him as I crossed the street. As I was heading down the docks (i had headphones on) and he passed by me and rolled down the window and waved. (My most favorite moment). The next one was at a town event, a bbq, he was wearing shorts (which I rarely see him in) and I felt like a man from the 1850s seeing womens ankles... very specific for such a simple thing? That is definitely how it felt like though. Also at the new harbor, with his wife, I was out taking pictures and he saw me and waved and called out to me. I waved back and tried to not smile very big, so he wouldn't see...

24. Does anyone else know about your crush? Who?

- OK SO A LOT OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY. Freshman year, my friend group figured out after I was oogling him during breakfast break and lunch and IN CLASS. They would tease the hell out of me and make me red as a fucking fire! It was embarrassing when he would pass by our table... oh my god.... ughfjskcns.

Sophomore year, I think my culinary and English teacher knew. She would tell me to go deliver the food I made in culinary to him. All the time. She probably knew.... I'm not sure, its not like I talked about him a lot during her culinary class... OOF FUCK ME.

My siblings. I always talk about my day to them in the car and at the dinner table. Gosh why...

25. What animal do they remind you of?

- a cat. They're feisty and act tough. But they're so fucking cute. So, he resembles a cat. A house cat.

26. Do you know when their birthday is? Did you get them presents?

- oh yes... since I am a female, we love to search up people and look through everything. I did that as soon as I caught feelings for him. Which was freshman year. So, I made him a card and an origami box with pictures and facts. Sophomore year I made him a cool origami box and some other things that I forgot. But I know Junior year I printed out a sticker, which was a Bob Ross meme that said "happy birthday, may all your accidents be happy ones!" And when my senior year started, I saw that he stuck it on his computer... ugh my heart. This year, I haven't had anything planned yet. But I'll get there!

27. How did you fall in love with them? Was it love at first sight, or gradual?

- well, he came to my town when I was in 8th grade. I took one class which was ceramics mostly because my friends were in there. My feelings were caught by him halfway through freshman year because I had him for yearbook. I was young and stupid. Over time, I have grown to see him as a human being and that I love him no matter what. Whether its friendship, or platonic love, or whatever. I grew, my knowledge and perspectives changed a lot. So, I guess it was just love at first sight to platonically love.

28. Do they drink/smoke that you know of?

- well... due to my snooping I did see a photo of him in a cute Halloween costume (which was just a cheetah pj onsie with a cute hoodie) and he had a cigarette. It didn't bother me. I don't really care actually, my parents drink/smoke. I'm not affected by it.

29. If you could reenact any movie scene with them, what movie and characters would it be?

- uh... I'm not sure. I'll have to come back and check that up later.

30. Weirdest dream you've had of them?

- oh my god ok, well there is a lot. But there was this one where it was February 22nd, 2018. I journaled this so bear with me. I journaled every interaction, thoughts/feelings, things he said/i overheard, and everything that included him. So, I had a dream that he shaved. The next day, I saw him walking in clean shaven. I don't mind him with facial hair, but he's even better clean shaven. Talk about the best dreams ever!

Thank you for bearing my embarrassment and long talks. I'll get back with you about the movie scene reenactment sometime tomorrow or the next day!