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mentallhealthmatters · 4 months ago

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Hey im in situation with a Person on TikTok and I don’t want to give them wrong information, I forgot most of what the other responses to Wilbur was when they said they also went through his abuse apparently. I want to reply to show them I’m not backing down, show from that comment they made I want to have a strong argument on that matter that will tell them why I support him and some other content creators on the matter.

Yes I can argue that Nikki went through stuff and she was only 18-19 at the time when he came into her life, if I’m getting my information right. Yes you can make the argument “we don’t know what it was like off camera.” Which is very true and valid. We are an audience, and we don’t know about there personal lives fully and down to the T, for they can say/do stuff they want to put out on the internet or one can just dig up old stuff cause the internet never forgets.

I just want to give information and not a backhand response and be like “Well they are all horrible and we’re just using him for clout.” Or “Well Shubble was stupid for showing it on camera, and could have gone to police but she had to make it public and that’s why many people are saying they were also a victim to get clout.” I don’t want the response to be poor and make them twist my words. Because that has happened and I don’t want that again so I’m reaching out for some information, I did say that she is many things which are true (not the insult type of way). But now they are asking about others, the whole Alice situation was debunked and proven false but the others around that did stuff/with him to like Freddie, Billzo, Asmiey, Tubbo, and there were other Women as well that worked with him that came out I think a trumpeter, and probably two other women who I cannot remember.

I’m sorry this is long but I want to say what I thought and the information that I would need cleared up to give to this individual. I am asking anonymously for i don’t want my main out in the public.

Have a nice day and it’s ok if you don’t respond or give enough information I just want to break it down and show that I stand by my opinion, and tell them an answer that will show multiple people have spoke on to make my word also valid and not just a random output of how I personally feel/false information on the matter, for the people who Wilbur interacted with and said something about him and being bad to them and there friends publicly.

-musicliver

Im reread this several times over and am still not sure if im even processing this infomation correctly or what do with it exactly.

Im grasping at there is a request for infomation, but im no sure which info would even be best because i dont know the other persons arguements.

There is also a lot of info mentioned im sure is true but is talked about so less than shelby that much info on those specific subjects isnt evenbrought properly to light.

Example: i dont think and am not aware anything happened with Tubbo, or i heard Alice's story has been debunked but ive yet see info on this and dont focus on it because of it. Ever. I only try and focus on things i have evidence for or soldid argument in logic for.

The only thing i can think happened to Tubbo is the horrid story shafting or the "Miles 'Tails' Prowers" effect in terms of his character on the DSMP. In which more attention and focus was placed onto Tommy's character, because Dream focused more on Tommy, so Wilbur swooped in to pretray him as an underdog, often ignoring Tubbo or writing him off as Tommy's sidekick, ignoring the fact that its because of Tubbo that they were able to one up Dream during the pre-lmanberg disc wars. Legitimately we wouldnt have the DSMP we have now if it wasnt for Tubbo. Not Wilbur.

Legitimately if Tubbo didnt side with Tommy or join the server at all, Tommy might have lost the battle before he got a chance to win the war. And Wilbur may not have had as juicy of a story to get ahold off and spin into the underdog story we know and love today. Wilbur didnt make Tommy. Nor did Dream. Tubbo. Made. Tommy. No disc war means no DSMP. No DSMP means Tommy wouldnt have the same flavor of fame he has now, or may have dropped off a lot sooner then he will eventually. (He will eventually retire, jes not dropped off yet)

Wilbur overlooked that fact. And so did Dream. But other than that, i dont think or know if Wilbur actually did anything to Tubbo.

I support wilbur.

I also dont think even if he did the things he did and allegtations are even semi true, they are true to the degree that they are.

And Schlatts right there. People canceled him flr years. Wasted breath and effort. To the point he leaned into it and scary maybe abusive sexist man for a while. It was his stique, his gimick. To such a point people leget thought he was abusive, like people claim Wilbur is. Even Minx tried to accuse him of abusing her legitimately.

Like there are tons of clips where Schlatt seemingly is geneuinely scaring. Humiliating. Threatening or abusing his friends. Like it straight up looks like its not a joke or gimmick.

Yet Tommy looked up to him and still does. Jaiden makes videos with him. Etc. Etc. Its hypocrisy. If schlatt was to come out as geneuinely being abusive, no one would bat an eye. But no does because thats just how he is. Yknow?

#wilbur soot #wilbur support squad #this is making my brain short circuit

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nomeniko · 6 months ago

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hi :D for the ask game What do you wish more people understood about kazui? Which trial 2 MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

thank you for the ask i would grovel at ur feet in gratitude i hope the sun shines down and makes the light dance for u and you only today

1. if anything ive seen a few theories of kazui possibly revealing himself to be a two faced manipulator of sorts due to his self proclaimed liarness…. like ‘ohh u cant trust what he says he cld be trying to make himself look pitiable to the audience to get voted inno’ sort of theories which is. no he wont do that???

is he a liar? to a degree yes—liar not in the sense that what he says are direct falsities, but more like hes built much of his character to constantly disguise his true intentions/feelings as a defense mechanism. the lies he says are less of words from a schemer and more of redirections from someone who is, all in all, an insecure adult scared of what will happen if he isnt able to meet peoples expectations of him

as much as he calls himself a liar hes mad honest about where he thinks his capabilities lie, which is to say he doesnt believe in his capabilities at all lol. when amane asks him for help with her studies, he turns her down after some consideration bc he doesnt believe himself to be smart enough to help (despite having graduated from a university; sports degree or not credit shld be given where credit is due). when he talks to shidou post ktk attack, he refuses to admit doing any of the work in taking care of the situation and instead puts all the praise onto shidou. even his physical strength and skill (which is arguably the one part of him he does acknowledge and take some sort of belief in) is something he treats as less of something that he has achieved himself and more of an obligation of his—like, hes strong bc to him he HAS to be, bc it is expected of him to protect those who need protecting. he does want to protect others, sure, but much of that wanting comes frm how ingrained it is in him that thats what hes good for, thats what his strength is for (his timeline w/ yuno on her bday says as much nyway)

the way i see it, that self deprication of his plays back into his obsession with meeting the expectations placed onto him, or at least lessening the disappointment of others by lessening those expectations in the first place. if u tell someone that u didnt go to the right university, that u didnt do much to help anyway, that u were born so fundamentally wrong as a person that everything is bound to go to shit as long as ur there (he basically said this to es in his t1 vd im not even kidding), wouldnt that ensure the safety that youre less likely to ruin someone elses confidence in you? less likely to ruin bc in the small chance that u still fuck up, theres not much left to ruin at that point

in the end ig what i wish more ppl understood abt kazui is that hes a liar yes, but not a manipulator. he lies to stay safe, not to be a sadist or whatever. you cant take what he says at face value (in much the same way u cant do the same for any other prisoner tbh), but that does not mean u shldnt take anything he says srsly at all!!!

2. ok this one i have to give a bit of thought, mostly bc i cant pick just one

if the standards were which t2 mv do i enjoy for its direction music n visual wise, purge march takes the cake so quickly. the music itself is so bomb (which like, i cant even find a logical explanation as to why… its just so good to listen to) n the mv itself does such a great job at creating the right atmosphere, both in its flashy theatrics and the subtle uncanniness under it. mayb i have a slight bias bc tpm was the whole reason i got into milgram in the first place, but i stand by it idccc

aesthetic wise, def all knowing and all agony. the horror elements r genuinely disturbing, but not so overbearing that it overwrites the pop style that milgram has going on. i luove the use of amber for blood, plus the filters that remind me of found footage u usually see show up in asian horror movies. i think i was actually terrified the first time i watched the mv

symbolic wise, its cat always and forever god bless. it takes advantage of its aesthetics to hint at subtle secrets so well that it makes me giddy as hell. the use of colors as a part of the set, the transitions frm scene to scene having its own part in making the story, n honestly making the bg more blank than usual readjusts the focus of the mv on what matters p well. i cant mention every detail rn or else id be here all day

#asks #rambles #milgram #kazui mukuhara #sigh #idk how off topic this got i was a bit excited if u cant tell #thank u for this opportunity #<3

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rykno-j · 6 months ago

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Stay? (B/SD)

Summary: basically c/huuya gets sick and d/azai takes care of him, very cliche

Ship: s/kk

Notes: my first b/sd fic. honestly i never intended to write one, but here we are. This fic was drafted Sept 21 2023 and wow that's been awhile huh.

They might be a little ooc here since i'm trying my hand at their characterisation for the first time. Apologies in advance for any mistakes!

also i figured ild add this in here but this fic is sickfic>snzfic so there isnt much of that kinda stuff here

Word count: 4.5k

------------------------------------------------

"Chuuya, rest."

The red markings on Chuuya's arm slowly disappeared as he fell to the floor in a soft grunt. Letting go of his arm down in an action of indifference, Dazai stepped over his sprawled out body.

"Took you long enough, honestly. It was almost like you were taking your own sweet time, don't want me to touch you that badly?"

When he was met with no response, Dazai sighed dramatically.

"Chibi? Oi, are you dead? You're not allowed to go before me, you know that. Oi!"

He turns back, this time with an eyebrow raised at the unmoving Chuuya-lump on the floor. Seriously? He would've expected the slug to reply with a "I'll kill you first" or a punch of sorts.

Chuuya was never quite as energetic after using Corruption, but this silence was new.

And so Dazai does the next most logical thing, which was to kick him with the edge of his shoe, once, twice, thrice- Alright, something was wrong.

Doing a quick check of his surroundings for any passersby (god forbid anyone from the Port Mafia or the ADA see what he was about to do next), Dazai knelt down next to Chuuya's body, flipping him onto his back.

"Oi Chibi!"

When he was met with no response, Dazai seriously considered leaving Chuuya in the middle of what used to be the battlefield. Surely someone would find him eventually, right?

It was how it always was, how it always has been.

Though.. there was no one in their vicinity at the moment, and it won't hurt to check Chuuya's vitals, to make sure the idiot didn't actually die on him.

Two fingers were swiftly placed under Chuuya's chin, and- Fever. Dazai was fairly sure that he felt fever under his fingers.

There was a steady heartbeat too, so that was good at least.

But a fever? Surely he was imagining it. Yes, Chuuya tended to run a little hot, both in his temperature and in his temper (although most of the time it was directed at Dazai himself), but there was no mistaking the heat that he was radiating.

This time, the pair of bandaged hands reached for Chuuya's shoulders, giving him a couple shakes, which proved successful as he heard the other below him let out a soft groan.

"..D'zai?"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

Immediately knowing what Dazai was referring to, Chuuya furrowed his eyebrows into a frown. "Idiot, it's none of your concern. Just take me back home."

Dazai opened his mouth to complain, but stopped when he saw Chuuya's eyes slide back shut. Seriously? Seriously. It was not the first time Chuuya had made a similar request, and it would also not be the first time if Dazai just walked off into the distance, leaving him there alone.

Despite that, Dazai always made sure that Chuuya was okay before he abandoned the other. Did this count as 'okay'?

And so,

"You owe me one.." Dazai caved, reaching out to lift Chuuya onto his back. He considered for a second just grabbing Chuuya by his ankles, dragging him home that way. Admittedly, Dazai did almost do that, if not for the time limit they had before someone would eventually arrive at the scene.

So draped over his back it was. Chuuya's apartment wasn't far, he could make it.

Gathering the fallen coat and hat (regrettably, Dazai did indeed resign and picked it up), he disappeared behind the trees.

====================================

The journey back was eerily silent. Given the relationship between the two, it was a surprise. No bickering, no fighting, just the steady but heavy sound of footsteps coming from Dazai.

He could hear, could feel Chuuya breathing behind him, but worry still found its way into his head. Not that that was important or anything.

Dazai whined. "You're really heavy you know.."

(Talk to me, say something snarky back.)

Dazai attempted a weak insult. "Never been this high off the floor before huh? It's a whole new view from way up here."

(Open your eyes, please.)

He felt stupid talking to himself.

==================================

Chuuya's front door. He hasn't been here in a long while, and it definitely was not the first time he came uninvited. But this didn't count, did it? Chuuya had asked him to bring him home.

Key. Just focus on getting the door open.

Lowering himself to the ground, Dazai propped Chuuya's body up against the door. Now, where would Chibi put his key..

When both coat pockets came up empty, Dazai eyed Chuuya's unconscious body. Should he try searching for the keys on him?

Then, he remembered a moment they shared together, one where they had headed to Chuuya's place after a mission years ago, when Dazai was still in the Port Mafia.

They had gotten thrown around quite a bit that day, and as fun as it was, Chuuya's key seemed to have been shaken right out of his pocket. Exhausted, they had fallen asleep right by the steps leading up to the door, seemingly forgetting that Chuuya could have blasted through the window if he really wanted to.

Dazai dropped the coat on Chuuya's lap, turning to the pots of plants outside the house. Seriously? He was surprised the plants were even still alive.

As obvious at that spot would have been, Dazai found the key he was looking for under a pot of cacti. He unlocked the door, hauling Chuuya's body in with him.

The living room was a familiar sight. The couch was in the same position, and so was the dining table. It was as if all those years had never passed.

Dazai looked at the body sprawled across the floor.

So what now? Should he leave? Chuuya hadn't asked him to do anything else, not that he would have complied anyway.

..He would probably be much more comfortable lying on the couch. Yeah, he could do that.

Dazai looked at the body sprawled across the couch.

So what now? Why wasn't he moving to leave? Chuuya probably didn't want to open his eyes only for Dazai to be the first thing he sees.

..That thought alone almost made him sit down and wait for Chuuya to wake up.

However, a small whine dragged Dazai out of his scheming. When he looked down, there was a pained expression on Chuuya's face. Even in the dimmed lights, Dazai could partially make out the feverish flush on the other's cheeks.

..He could wet a towel for Chuuya. Yeah, he could do that.

And so Dazai stands up, making his way to bathroom. Just being in the room brought back a few memories. All the times that he would sit, propped up against the sink as they tended to each other's wounds after a mission.

Dazai pulls open one of the cupboards below the sink in search for a towel, and that's when he freezes.

All the way to the back of the compartment, there was a small stack of bandages, the same ones that Dazai liked to use. But why? Chuuya rarely got injured, and if he did, like heck he was using those bandages. Knowing him, Chuuya would probably just walk it off.

Maybe he just didn't want to throw away the leftovers. Yeah, that was it.

He found a towel after that. Wetting and wringing it, Dazai stepped back into the living room. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Chuuya's open bedroom door.

A peek inside would never hurt, right?

Making a slight detour, Dazai popped his head into the doorway. Surprisingly (or maybe not), everything looked pretty much the same. The bed was still haphazardly made in a sort of neat, Chuuya way.

A stray hat sat in the center of his desk. Dazai couldn't contain his eye roll.

He approached the table, his eye catching onto a dull shine of metal. It was a tablet tray of pills. He flipped it over. Paracetamol. And it was half empty.

So the fever wasn't a recent thing.

===================================

He hoped the wet towel would help.

Chuuya never fell sick often, and when he did, he was rather augmentative and closed off. To Dazai, that was Chuuya just being Chuuya, so he never treated the other differently in those moments, not that they happened often enough for him to act any other way.

So this was new. It wasn't an unpleasant type of new, just a little awkward. It was never quiet when Chuuya was around, unless they were sleeping, and Dazai was wide awake.

Maybe he should busy himself with cooking something. Cook. For Chuuya.

..What where they? Married? Dazai felt his tongue stick out at the thought. But still, he got up and headed for the kitchen.

Maybe he should try poisoning Chuuya's portion. That would be fun to watch. Unfortunately, he didn't have any vials on him at the moment.

Even better, he could pretend that he did something to the food.

That thought alone gave Dazai the motivation to look through the fridge. In the main compartment, all he found was alcohol. The second eye roll of the day ghosted his face. Chuuya was a lightweight after all.

Moving to the vegetables drawer, he was pleasantly surprised to see it filled. He never took Chuuya as someone who knew how to cook. Dazai himself normally ate at the cafe downstairs with the rest of the agency.

Though.. on the off-chance that someone would cook for the whole office, those meals always felt a little more homey.

Picking a variety of vegetables, Dazai turned towards the kitchen, sliding the door shut behind him.

========================================

It was at that moment that Chuuya decided to wake up. He knew he was at home, on his couch? What happened?

Fuck. His head hurt. His limbs hurt. There was something pressing his head down. Lifting a heavy arm, Chuuya reached for the item on his forehead.

A damp cloth?

That idiot Dazai probably put it there. Sleeping gas? It made sense, since he was knocked out for so long..

Or at least it felt long; with how sore his neck was feeling from lying flat on his back. Couldn't the bandaged disaster at least be considerate enough to put a pillow under his head?

..Come to think of it, Dazai did carry him home, which was a far cry from what he normally did to begin with. Whatever, he'd let it slide.

"..snff-"

"..hH'!! hAH'gGnshH-w!! G'nNEsHH!!"

So that's what he would have to deal with for a few days, huh. He had really thought it had been nothing more than a slight fever.

Maybe using Corruption had made it worse.

"..hiH'!! hH- hhH'!! h'ERrshH!"

When he sniffled into the back of his palm, Chuuya found that he could hardly get any air through. This sucked.

A shower might help.

=====================================

In the closed kitchen, Dazai barely heard Chuuya's movements as he reached for a knife. Staring at it, he pondered for a moment if he should just-

No. Chuuya would kill him if the white counter was stained with his blood. It would give the shorty a good scare, but his fun could wait.

While it wasn't his first time chopping vegetables, it certainly had been awhile. Still, the carrrots, potatoes and corn were all sliced up in minutes. He didn't brag about his dexterous fingers for nothing.

And if the knife came too close to his fingers too many times, no it didn't.

Throwing all the ingredients into the simmering pot, Dazai poured in some chicken stock. He didn't know how much was the recommended amount, so half the carton would have to do.

Besides, there was no way he'd even look at the instructions behind. He was already cooking for the chibi, he didn't want to have to read for him too.

Dazai stared at the stove.

..What now?

---

The moment Chuuya stripped off his clothes, he had to grab the edge of the sink as he was hit by a dizzy spell. Fair, he did get up from the couch rather abruptly. He hadn't eaten since the morning either.

He was shivering, despite the buckets of sweat he produced in the recent battle.

Chuuya hated falling sick, hated the weakness and vulnerability that came with it. He was supposed to be the one who people depended on. How could he protect anyone when he could barely even stand straight?

Without his strength there was little use for him.

"..hH'!! H'gKsHHew! heH'DzzchH!!"

And there was that too.. but at least this part of his forming cold proved that he was human. The inability of controlling his sneezes.

In any case, he should get into the shower quickly before his thoughts got the better of him.

Scalding hot water.

==================================

Surely the pot should not be boiling that heavily. Dazai stared at it, wondering how the surface would feel under his fingers should he touch it. The fleeting thought brought a smile to his face.

A rather rough bunch of bubbles almost caused the lid to fly off entirely. He should probably turn the fire down.

A gentle, warm aroma slowly filled the kitchen. Dazai estimated that it would be ready in a couple tens of minutes.

Perfect, he could use that time to-

The kitchen door slides open.

..To check on-

"Chuuya?"

The couch was empty. Did someone break into the house to steal him? Dazai didn't remember locking the door. Chuuya was really compact and pocket-sized too, but who would want to kidnap that feisty thing?

So of course, he deduced that Chuuya probably moved himself somewhere else.

"Chibi?"

Dazai stepped into the hallway, his gaze casting down upon the trail of water leading from the bathroom to is bedroom.

Seriously, did Chuuya not know that towels exist? Someone could slip and fall and die here! Someone like Dazai himself!

Playing with the possibility of such a humorous death, Dazai followed the trail to the room, poking his head into the doorway for the second time that day.

With the ends of his feet barely touching the edge of the bed, Chuuya laid in the center, neck tilted back on the pillow, snoring softly.

It was a familiar sight, Dazai noticed himself staring. The bed was once big enough for the two of them.

Not now, of course, Dazai muses. Even if Chuuya hadn't grown an inch, he sure did. There was no way they'd fit on the mattress together now.

..Not that he wanted to or anything. No, definitely not.

Chuuya's hair was still damp, and there was a strained expression on his sleeping face. Moving by himself, Dazai reached for the neatly folded blanket by the foot of the bed.

=====================================

1hr later:

Chuuya woke with the edge of his blanket pressed under his nose. He didn't remember pulling it up. After he took a shower, his body was too exhausted to do anything but collapse facedown into the pillows

Or.. maybe he had done that. Chuuya lived alone, there was no way someone else had done it instead.

"..hIH'NgtxchhH!! haH'gtcHH-w!" That being said, it was still way too cold even with the blanket covering him.

He rubbed the back of his fist against his nose roughly before tossing around in bed, annoyed.

Everything felt too stuffy, too hot. He was hungry too. Maybe some takeout would be good for today.

Chuuya stretched out a tired hand, groping around for his phone. Finding nothing, he sighed, faintly remembering that his coat was still outside on the floor somewhere.

"..hih'hA-Ngxt!!"

Guess he won't be getting any food today, then. Chuuya prided himself as a strong, capable man, but when it came down to times like these, he was willing to be weak.

As long as he was alone.

=======================================

Dazai looks up towards the bedroom, eyes flickering between the television screen and the hallway.

Despite himself, he was still at Chuuya's apartment, nevermind that an entire hour has passed.

Instead of wandering around, Dazai chooses to set up the gaming station below the television. He and Chuuya used to go on at it for hours against each other.

"Take this!"

"Not so fast, Chuuya. You think you can beat me that easily??"

There was a layer of dust sitting on top of console, showing obvious signs of disuse. His old controller was laid against it next to Chuuya's, the plastic worn down and peeling.

Lost in his daydream, Dazai barely manages to catch the smell of ready-soup coming from the kitchen. Now to get a couple bowls.

Transferring the soup into them should have been an easy task, if Dazai had remembered that heat existed. Well, excuse him for trying to pick up the pot with his bare hands and pouring it into the bowl, it's not like he cooked on a regular basis, or knew that there was a special spoon for such occasions known as the ladle.

Whatever the case, it took all but a few minutes to find a tray, put the bowls on it, and walk out of the kitchen.

==================================

Maybe he should have sucked it up and went to get his phone, Chuuya thinks and he stares at the ceiling. His stomach was screaming at him to fill it up with something, anything.

He stares at the stain next to the lightbulb and scowls. Years ago, the bulb and blown a fuse and needed repairing. But like hell Chuuya was going to put the stepladder on his bed, even if he was too short to reach it otherwise.

Thankfully, Dazai had shown up like a Saint at the time and fixed it for him, not without leaving his mark, of course. Like a damn animal he marked the ceiling with a dusty handprint that Chuuya could never clean off.

His fever must be off the charts if its enough to make him recall anything that had to do with his ex-partner. If Chuuya had had the strength at that moment, he would've slapped himself silly. That being said, he could probably wrap a damp cloth around the end of a long pole and bring it up to the stain to-

"ChUuYA!!"

"oH FUCK!"

Jumping out of his skin high enough that maybe he didn't need that pole after all, Chuuya sits up in his bed. His pillow, the blanket, the chair, his hat, everything glowed red and was ready to be used as a weapon.

"DAZAI, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"Aw Chuuyaa~ That's the kind of greeting I get even when I'm trying to do something nice? You're lucky I'm touching this tray, or it might've went up with all the other things and split all my hard work!!"

"Never mind the fucking tray! What are you doing here?"

Dazai opens his mouth, a tone of mockery already ready at the tip of his tongue, yet nothing came out. Chuuya was right, what was he doing here? How would he explain why he was carrying soup to Chuuya in bed without the other thinking he had lost his mind?

Come to think of it, he didn't even know himself why he was doing this.

Chuuya stares at the Dazai in his room. Seriously, what was he thinking? Coming over uninvited like that, especially knowing the state he was in right now. There was no way this was a planned move to take him out at his weakest. As shitty as Dazai was, Chuuya knew at the back of his mind that the other would never harm him intentionally without the confidence that he won't die from it.

So that only left one explanation, one that Chuuya refused to even entertain - that Dazai was actually trying to take care of him. He almost laughs at the thought.

And he might've, if this was another day in which he wasn't hazed in fever. Plus the silence was getting awkward, so Chuuya forced himself to say something.

"..I'm not interested in your answer anyway. So are you coming in or not? You're being an eyesore just standing in the middle of my room."

"A tall eyesore?" Dazai chirped back, his behavior instantly returning to normal once he was in his element, (that being in a state in which he endlessly makes fun of Chuuya).

"Yeah yeah, a tall eyesore that he trying to poison me. Is this the Agency's masterplan after all? Poison?"

"Me?!" Dazai dramatically puts his hand on his forehead. "Poisoning you?? Before I use the poison on myself to end my own miserable life? Oh ChuUya, you should know me better than that!"

"Whatever. Just give it to me." Chuuya rolls his eyes, snatching a bowl over and eyeing it suspiciously. "You went through all the trouble of buying takeout?"

"Of course not! Why would I ever do so much for a slug like you?"

"So then you cooked for me." It was phrased more like a statement than a question, and for the second time that night, Dazai didn't know what to say.

"The uh- the knife. It looked tempting."

"Uh-huh. Bet it sure was difficult to keep all 10 of your fingers intact."

"You know me so well!"

"..Right." With the conversation not going any further, Chuuya picks up the spoon, stirring the liquid gently. It smelt good, and the steam coming from the bowl really helped to loosen up the congestion in his nose.

Which was good, but also bad timing, as Chuuya was suddenly overwhelmed by the need to sneeze. Hitching ever so slightly, he turns to face the wall, using his skill to control the gravity of the mucus such that it wouldn't irritate his nose even more as it threatened to drip out.

The last thing he wanted was to give Dazai something else to make fun of him for.

It was silent for a moment as Chuuya lifts the spoon to his lips.

"..."

"What?"

"..."

"I swear I did not poison the soup."

"No- it's not that. The soup.. it tastes.. good."

Dazai stares at Chuuya as if he'd grown an extra head. "..Chibi's lying!"

"I'm not, you idiot. Sigh, why do I even try?"

Before Chuuya could even shake his head in exasperation, a flash of brown jumps his soup.

"What are you doi-!?"

Dazai grabs onto Chuuya's arm, somehow managing to miraculously not spill a drop as he grabs onto the spoon to try a sip.

This is bad. Bells rang in Chuuya's head as he felt his skill get nullified by Dazai's.

"M-hH!!" Move! He wanted to scream, would have, if the tickle in his nose wasn't this extreme.

Well, the suicide maniac asked for it anyway.

"Hh'! HNNgxt! ..hA'DzzchH!!" Chuuya gasps, pressing a wrist tightly against his nose. "hIH' gZZtchH!!"

"Chuuya is so rough with himself!"

"Don't talk like you're not the one who c'hh!-caused this!"

"Really," Dazai started, brushing a bit of his arm that had been in the crossfire of the spray upon his pants. "If anything Chibi's the one who caused this onto himself."

"Hah? The fuck did you say?"

"Now now-" Dazai places his index finger directly between Chuuya's furrowed eyebrows. "I'm not the one who decided to use corruption through a fever and then pass out in front of everyone."

Chuuya clenches his teeth, swatting the other's arm away. "Don't talk like you don't make shitty decisions all the time, suicide-obsessed mackerel."

"Slug."

"Why do you even care anyway?!" the porcelain bowl cracks under his grip. "You never had before so don't act like you do now."

Dazai opened his mouth to answer with a witty remark, but nothing came out. This outburst was different from the rest that Chuuya normally gave him. Insults, he could handle, but this? What was he supposed to say to that?

'Yeah I don't care about you?' 'No I do care about you?' One was a lie and one made him sound like a bottom.

Chuuya just stared at the bowl in his hand, watching as the soup drip, drip, dripped down his forearm. He knows what he said wasn't true, the fact that Dazai stayed was evidence enough.

Fucking fever, always making him say the wrong sh-

"I'm sorry."

The fuck? Chuuya snaps his head upwards, looking at Dazai from between the strands of hair that had fallen over his face. He scanned the other's expression, expecting something akin to a smirk. But there was none.

"I mean- Well! I'll leave Chibi to his tacky hats then." Dazai suddenly says, his voice lively yet strained. He reaches for the stray hat on the table, putting upon Chuuya's head and pulling the brim over his eyes.

Annoyed, Chuuya whips the damn thing off his head, prepared to shove it into Dazai's chest. But by the time he looks back at the other, all that could be seen was the tips of Dazai's coat-tails rounding out of his bedroom door.

"Hey wai-" Tears shot to Chuuya's eyes as he choked on air. With one leg on the floor and the other still nestled under the covers, he bent over coughing violently as his lungs struggled to comprehend what the fuck just happened.

His throat was burning. There was no way he could catch up to Dazai now.

After what seemed like forever, Chuuya's lungs finally decided to restart, allowing him to breathe in his first huge breath of air. Through blurry eyes, he barely managed to focus on the mess of beige in front of him.

"Chibi's so small he choked on air molecules?"

"Ah fuck you," Chuuya mumbled. He grabbed the glass of water Dazai held out for him, purposely avoiding eye-contact to prevent the other from noticing his shock and gratitude.

"You're welcome~ aand, you should probably put that down," referring to the bowl of soup that was barely holding itself together.

'Right." Chuuya placed it upon the tray. "Well," this was awkward. Just 2 minutes ago they were at each other's throats, and now they were.. staring at the ground in silence. "..I should, wash these. Plus you probably wrecked the kitchen, so I'll- yeah."

"Chuuya- are you sure you should-" Dazai started, then stopped.

Curse being partners for years, Chuuya knew what he meant even before he started. "It's just a cold, idiot. I'll be fine washing dishes. Stop cari- ahem. You look like shit, go shower or something."

When he got no reply, Chuuya continued. "There's bandages below the sink you can use, and- well. There's a set of clothes your size somewhere in my cupboard."

And this, snaps Dazai out of his silent trance. "So ChuuUya was planning a sleepover behind my back?"

"It was for emergencies, dammit! If you ever needed somewhere safe to stay, or something." Leaving it as that, Chuuya briskly walks out of the room, leaving Dazai to his own thoughts.

The bandages, Dazai later notices, were manufactured a mere 2 years ago, right when he had joined the Detective Agency, back when Chuuya had no way of knowing if he was alive or not.

But he still thought about me. Still bought them with a chance that I would use them someday.

"You even got my favourite brand, Chibi."

Staring at the "ON SALE!!" sticker on the back of the box, Dazai breaks into a soft smile.

Maybe, if Chuuya would allow him, he'd stay the night.

-end-

---------------

ugh that ending felt so rushed but honestly i feel like it fits them, since i think that initally, caretaking would be really awkward for them.

Notes: thank you so much for reading, and i hope its alright that i branch out of j/jk since, well, everyones fucking dead (/j) but moreso because i fell in love with characters from other fandoms too <3

#b/sd #d/azai #c/huuya #snz #i feel like i lost touch with their personalities towards the end #forgive me/ its been *awhile* since i touched anything b/sd related #i /really/ did start this fic late 2023 you see #was really struggling towards the end part with the dialogue #because the nature between these two.. well.. ugh/#so much pretense #but i reeeally wanted to get this fic out asap bc i have another one (not b/sd) planned and it was also it was rotting in my drafts haha

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storgicdealer · 2 months ago

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OKOKOK so im re classpecting the sticks bc i understand much more abt classpects now than i did when i first classpected them. i hope you dont mind if i drop em here bc youre very smart and you know both avam and hs so

tsc - lord of space (this stays, its way too narratively relevant for it not to)

green - prince of breath (very passionate, perfectionist, tries to be carefree even when he cares way too much about what other people think)

yellow - mage of light (moreso on the knowledge front than the luck front, similar to rose but more active in his role, likes to figure things out but using what shes previously learned)

blue - witch of life (FEFERI WOOO obv shes very witchy, leaf feels like theyd be more rebellious, life player bc its very energetic and tends to take on a healer role in the group)

red - knight of heart (tends to jump straight to protecting her friends, very impulsive and passionate/soulful, acts confident but is sometimes more hesitant than others realise)

victim - thief of hope (man i was so on point with this one)

chosen - mage of doom (has a lot of firsthand experience with doom and suffering, also suffers from their aspect, and very good at causing doom *cough* chosen has never won a fight on the right side *cough*)

dark - heir of time (very destructive by default, causes a lot of death, RED 🔥🔥🔥, but also logical, at times a bit too laid back and chill)

striker - maid of mind (maid im not sure on i just wasnt sure what else to do, mind bc shes very straightforward, thoughtful, plans ahead, very serious and logical)

purple - prince of blood (accidentally or on purpose fucks up almost all his relationships at some point, at the same time is also the reason most of his friends met in the first place, Prince = royalty theming, also matches with green)

mango - rogue of life (acts very skeptical and un-lifey but takes life from others to give to the people they care about)

gold - sylph of hope (loves to cheer people up, very hopeful and energetic demeanor, fairly childish, wants to make everyone happy all the time!!!)

hangman - bard of rage (calms people down, fairly chill compared to the other players, prefers to support and wishes people were more peaceful and mature)

ballista - knight of breath (session lacks breath for reasons i dont feel like describing rn, acts chill but actually feels like he cant live up to the title of Hero and isnt that carefree, protects the few people he attaches himself too <- that one scene in his original short where he draws upon the memories of his friends to open the door)

hazard - seer of void (ngl this is mostly just process of elimination but hazard feels pretty void oriented tbf. hes so chill hes not minding anyones business)

paleo - witch of heart (same as above </3 very passionate headstrong etc etc)

sorry for the word vomit in your inbox i want to talk to you more and idk how to initiate conversation other than random infodumps

OH I ABSOLUTELY DONT MIND PLEASE DO SEND ME STUFF LIKE THIS

oh this is so good. this is so good

my knowledge on classpects is probably slightly closer to surface level than yours lmao but from what i get GOD yes !!!!!! yellow being a mage of light / red being a knight of heart is literally them hello. absolutely. its in their code

PRINCE OF BLOOD PURPLE !!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO !!!!! thief of hope victim OH this is so good. im eating this up (id say my victim leans towards being a rogue a little bit. my whole rambling on how much i associate the motif of them being a "divine being sharing the gift of the animators with the outernet" typa thing) mage of doom chosen DONT even joke with me lad. im shaking him shaking him so hard

MAID OF MIND AGENT !!! MAID OF MIND AGENT !!! (even if not a maid shes still very much a mind player methinks)

oh knight of breath ballista oohhh ... this is so smart oh my god (and very obviously. already fits with one of his forms in "wanted" of literally looking like a knight lol)

wait i just realized green & purple knight and princ. cinder im gonna. im. oh this is SO good

#im cradling this in my arms like a baby #this is such a good analysis #also i was thinking about it yesterday . consider .#rogue of space freedom guy #mayhapes . perhapes #there was also this another post with sticks classpects that i think we both saw #with dark being a lord of time and chosen being a muse of space #and honestly i LOVE the symbolism of that for them but your analysis has SOSO much individual meaning for them two #im eating this UP #ALSO I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND DONT EVER APOLOGIZE FOR USING MY INBOX LOL #YOU'RE SO COOL I WANT TO TALK TO YOU MORE ALSO !!!!!#im also random when it comes to convos lol i have a problem of coming up to people and asking hey youre cool lets chat #storgesinsaneramblings #alan becker #animator vs animation #animation vs minecraft #classpect

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malwaredykes · 5 months ago

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one of the effects of Being Shot In The Head that took leigh a hot minute to realize is that she found herself pretty much unable to experience proper emotions. though she cant remember her old self very well, she thinks she used to be able to feel things like anger, joy, grief, terror. now she cant even imagine what those things felt like, and cant for the life of her describe them using her own words. its like being told to imagine&describe being unconscious, or being an inanimate object, or being a large group of people at once. what shes left with in terms of available emotional states is: a chronic underlying sense of dread/anxiety, nagging frustration, and brief smug satisfaction at solving a problem or figuring something out (something that feels like the unraveling of a painful knot in her head). and a lot of the aforementioned anxiety stems precisely from not feeling things she kind of senses she ought to be feeling. its like she can see the negative space, the void left where the "right" reaction/emotion ought to be, and she can kinda work with that, but it stresses her out (which in turn is more of a physical feeling than anything else). despite her general Umm Reason And Logic attitude she definitely does not devalue emotions--they serve a purpose, and while they can impair judgment, they can also enhance it, by keeping a person grounded and connected to other people, and by providing necessary shortcuts that make it so anything gets done. it worries her that she cant feel angry on somebody's behalf when she knows a grave injustice was done to them, she can't even feel angry or upset when somebody wrongs her, and she doesn't feel scared when faced with obvious immediate danger. once again she cant quite tell what she was like before being shot, how in-control she was of her emotions, how well she could relate to others, stuff like that. but as is obvious by now, shes very susceptible to overt self-scrutiny. as an ocd-haver. obviously a big part of her drug use is just self-medicating, though she doesnt think of it that way at all (which too is one of her many idiosyncrasies). hell she doesnt even quite laugh at things that are funny to her, shes just like. ooh thats funny, thats good. i think in all of that she forgets that joy missing from her life also affects her a lot. things just dont really make her happy. she's curious, she's determined, she can tell when something would make her happy or ought to make her happy, but the emotion just isn't there. in this way, having her love reciprocated doesnt even quite make a difference to her--which in itself isnt true, because of course it would; even if she cant feel happiness emotionally, being held and loved and cared for feels good on many levels, and since solving problems still feels good to her, well, not to get overly poetic but love (any love; platonic, romantic, etc) is a solution... no woman is an island. the fact that she can feel love and attachment despite everything, even though its very difficult for her to identify or admit to herself or comprehend, is proof enough. leigh, you love your friends... yes, how it feels to her is the reasonable efforts to work together, to look out for each other, to satisfy biological human instincts for interactions and companionship, and to use ones influence in somebody else's life to improve it as much as possible, because improving things is an Essential Rule. which, all of the above is honestly kind of funny when actually described, cuz like, wow leigh you sure love to overthink things. miss r/iamverysmart. but she is kind of lost! she can still see and feel those negative spaces, those missing pieces, theyre all over the place. as is the mental fog, the hallucinations, the occasional seizures. some part of her sense of self was ripped away from her and she doesnt even know how to feel angry at the guy who did it.

#leigh stasik

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narwhalandchill · 1 year ago

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a bit more serious/negative note on childes characterization and fandom perception, saw a post where the tone upset me quite a bit

i did do a whole vent/rant/cathartic 2.4k words of writeup on this yesterday which like did help clear my thoughts a lot but in hindsight is way too long to just release by itself so i suppose ill just summarize my thinking now

so i would really appreciate it if a certain subset of childe fans reading his character a specific way (the trauma, identity crisis, dark abyss experiences, etc. - you know the one) could stop acting as if its this like. superior canon proven hoyo intended most real and intellectual way to look at his character and interpret his narrative. as opposed to just one reading of the canon material among others. and im sure most people are civil but ive seen this tone enough to just need to get this off my chest rn.

like im not "missing" something or being "tricked" (what?) by childe or the narrative. its not some naive ignorance about this reading being a thing and the ways people argue for it. ive read his lore. p much memorized it rly. and i simply did not find the arguments that compelling or feel that inserting this additional layer of subjective interpretation atop my understanding of the canon text did much to enhance childes narrative potential or characterization for me.

simply put. applying this super strict irl psychology logic (bc yes a real 14 yo going thru some irl version of ajax' backstory would get severe psychological disturbances as p much given. i know what the DSM-V is) to fantasy game characters isnt how i enjoy engaging with childe or any character really.

genshin is a fantasy game and fantasy as a genre has always readily sidestepped things like realistic psychological consequences of various heavy experiences in favor of building a compelling narrative whenever necessary. i dont find arguments relating to irl psychology particularly relevant at all on the subject really. if you enjoy this approach, go on, have fun! but please understand that its an interpretation that people can disagree without being "wrong" or failing some arbitrary reading comprehension test.

like the dismissive tone i see from people who simply cannot comprehend that like no, this take isnt some universal truth of hoyos that every person will glean from reading up on childes lore and appearances if theyre big brain and intellectual enough is just... really fucking rude? and alienating.

im not going to go on a like whole ramble on all the things that i personally see very much as hinting towards childes characterization going quite a different direction than this popular heavy self-doubt, psychological angle would suggest. its my interpretation after all, and could be proven wrong the way any interpretation can. but for now ive read his lore for years and looked into every single tidbit that involves him and so far hoyos writing of him hasnt given me any convinving case for changing my view drastically anytime soon. and id just like to be allowed to exist in this fandom space without being randomly jumpscared by posts alleging im reducing his character to this or that just bc i see his greatest narrative potential elsewhere.

theres enough insane shit and incredibly interesting lore relating to his overall role in the story and the cosmic scale of teyvat as a whole to be invested in already. like taking childes character as depicted to us and how in-game content characterizes him at a relative face value as opposed to seeking an implied internal struggle of sth hidden and repressed is me simply finding that take the most unique, fascinating, horrifying, compelling and exciting way to see him instead. thats what i love about him and his character. like im sorry, in my eyes the dark past corrupting innocence and trauma angle has just been done to death already in media. childe can have something actually different and breaking those tropes is what makes him stand out for me!

anyway. this whole situation is not sth i wanna start flaming ppl for or make into some drama, i try my best to stay on my lane and let ppl live even if i disagree w these sorta takes on childe. and i just wish for that grace to be extended towards myself too.

#like this attitude literally drove me off genshin fandom and childe content one time already im just tired #im sorry this got so negative but man.#and like do not fucking make this into a debate on whose interpretation wins im talking about basic respect. i WILL block you #rambles #genshin #childeposting #long post

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zedif-y · 1 year ago

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hi!! hope you're having a good day! :D

as a zedaph Expert, i wanted to ask for your opinion on how you would characterise him? i feel like i have a vague idea on what he's like but putting it into words is hard...

it's okay if you don't answer btw!!

Hello! took me a bit to get to this ask, my bad! honestly, I struggle with writing his character as well, but I've accumulated some random notes over time that I think might be helpful :]

Notes under the cut, because it's long NDNDND

-his jokes tend to be very witty. his humor isn't sarcastic, he just Says stuff and then moves on. Scar said once that zed's the kind of person where you'll just think huh, yeah, that Is pretty funny! so sometimes his jokes are the kind where it takes a second for you to process it. they're also pretty Out There DKDNDKD

-noises. so many Noises.

-he likes to make jokes at his expense (ex: not having friends, wetting himself, i'm an idiot, etc etc)

(SIDE SHIPPY/CHARACTER RELATIONSHIP NOTE: between him and tango, tango would be the more openly "sentimental" one, in the sense that zed is more likely to make jokes about them not Actually being friends (one example is "we've been friends for too long" + the tango bit in the blockumentary video) despite the fact that Yes, Obviously they are close. I MEAN TANGO HAD AN ANSWER FOR THE "HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN FRIENDS" QUESTION)

(EXTRA EXTRA NOTE: he and tango have a very similar sense of humor. (kind of obvious but . still!) they also like to make fun of each other)

-zed's voice goes Down an octave after laughing too much + he gets teary-eyed from laughing pretty easily.

-not a character voice note, but! zed isnt a very confrontational fighter . he prefers using potions to weaken his opponent before attacking with his sword. that being said, if he knows he's screwed, he just straight up Runs.

-zed is able to remain more level-headed than tango when it comes to puzzles. where tango is very goal-focused and gets frustrated/confused when things don't work out the way he expects, zed tries to work through them step by step instead of trying to solve it in one go. (tango is better at logic puzzles and zed is better at more Visual ones, he needs a good mental image of things)

-he makes connections you really don't think of, most times. he also doesn't like doing things the Normal, Boring way, though if you watch at least one of his videos that becomes apparent Fast.

-despite his silliness, he's actually pretty damn smart!

-he's a pretty affectionate, touchy guy! (based off of when he met skizz for the first time irl<3)

#ryan's screaming #zedaph tag #zedaphplays #anon #hope this helps!!#tangzed #zedango #hermitship #hermitshipping #<<just to be safe? but it's not like. huge

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beecanons · 2 years ago

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Soundwave Stim HC

again i dont have much, these are mostly audio and physical but i really like these

Physical

tap tap ocasional 'nail' tapping, tapping fingers rhythmically on surfaces, etc usually isnt an active or noticed stim because instead hes typing and tapping away and keys and controls on the ship however can and will do this on occasion as a mindless stim

minor movements sort of just moving small joint/limb a tiny bit, head nodding or tilting barely noticeable tiny movements, almost stiff but still very much something he does. appears still especially when someone's looking at him but when not being perceived or doesnt notice eyes on him (or around someone hes more relaxed and comfortable around like perhaps starscream) hes doing little movements.

flexing not like humans showing off muscles kind of flexing but more like opening and closing his hand(s), raising and lowering his 'shoulders'. sort of goes in hand with the minor movements only these ones arent as small and a bit more noticable sort of does "clammy hand" gestures when uncomfortable, anxious or nervous. definitely picked up some of the physical stims from humans, we all know hes tuned in online 24/7

Audio

beat drop listening to heavy bass, electronic, synth or something more specific like daft punk if its too quiet and hes alone or starscream doesnt mind, music will be coming from him to fill the silence. will pull up something from the human's archives like youtube or spotify or tune into a radio station and find something that can work as background noise keeps the volume a little low though, hes still gotta be listening to coms and such so there cant bee too much noise all the time

repeat replays recordings of things he heard and likes. someone said something funny or that just sounds nice? hes got it saved and replays it when hes bored kinda like having a laugh track on hand if starscream slips up, he's got all the best vine references and tiktok audios. all the meme clips. this also really helps him express things better.

listener avid listener, talk to him, not so much interact hes not exactly the responsive type, he just listens. yes he may be recording but its mostly just so he can listen again later usually its starscream hes listening to yap away but truly doesnt mind, its something to listen to may prefer certain peoples voices over others though, specifically some cons voice over others filling the silence.

Visual

namesake watching things like literal sound waves, the thing of his namesake, can be really relaxing watching the lines and/or bars rise and fall with the pitch of a noise or voice is soothing almost always has this displayed on his screen, at least when hes playing a recording or something but if hes got his back turned to someone whos talking to him or they arent looking directly at him hes watching the sound waves of their voice while they speak. (yes hes still paying attention to the words)

Data Collection to quote another purple, logic-oriented, neurodivergent headcanoned character. "Data collection calms me down" loves just collecting data especially on something that hes become fixated on like view counts or like to dislike ratios on youtube videos. (he spends a lot of his past time on the human web) this is just something he likes looking at, watching numbers and lines change is amusing, simply put.

a lot of these are constant stims, he is chronically understimulated.

#soundwave hc #bees hc #tfp headcanons #tfp soundwave #soundwave tfp #soundwave #soundwave transformers #transformers headcanons #headcanon #headcanons #stim hc #stim headcanons #soundwave headcanon #soundwave headcanons #headcanon blog

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ace-exploring · 1 year ago

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Thank you for starting this blog, it's been eye-opening for me. I'm a fellow ace with a question that I hope isn't too intrusive! Was "wanting to have sex with this person" part of your decision to get married? And if it wasn't, what *did* make you decide, "This is the one I will marry"?

I'm someone who has never wanted sex with anyone, and I'm trying to figure out what "decision factors" to use when deciding to get married if "wanting sex" isnt part of the equation.

Hi there Anon, thank you for your kind words.

Wanting to have sex with my husband wasn't a factor in why I married him. I was 20 years old when we met (and when I accepted his proposal), and I didn't realise I was ace until I was 35.

Part of helping me figure out I was ace was that I ONLY wanted to have sex with my husband. I thought not being sexually attracted to other people while you're in love was completely normal, hence why it took me so long to figure out it's actually kind of not.

So my last long-term boyfriend before I met the man who would become my husband cheated on me and dumped me for the other girl, primarily because I didn't have sex with him (we tried, and it was his issue, but he blamed me because he was a teenage boy). I was pretty hurt, so I wrote out a long list of everything I wanted in a partner as a way to protect me from falling in love again. The list was a mix of physical attributes, personality, interests, and ideologies. I lived my life and became independent. I dated a couple of men casually, but it didn't work out for various reasons. I did not realise I was ace, but I also didn't have sex with any of those guys I dated.

When I met the man who would become my husband, he ticked off everything on that list, even obscure little things. As I got to know him, I fell in love, and marriage seemed the next logical step. He was and still is my best friend in the whole world.

Side note; this is before Facebook existed, so I literally fell in love with him before I knew what he looked like. We met online and chatted before starting phone calls. When we finally did a face reveal, I was thrilled to find I found him attractive. Again, I didn't know I was ace.

Other side note: I would be more comfortable calling myself demi if I had never experienced sexual attraction to a complete stranger, but as that has happened to me, I feel more that the graysexual label fits me. Graysexual being 'only feels sexual attraction on occasion.'

I feel like when I say 'I married my husband because he's the only person I want to have sex with', I'm partly reassuring allos that yes, we do have sex and he's not trapped in some sexless hell they're all imagining I lured him into like some asexual spider lady, sapping all joy and love from him and forbidding him from ever experiencing the one act they seem to think is more important than everything else. And partially because in hindsight, it's true. He is the only person I want to have sex with.

And that's fine for me, it works for me, and it works for our marriage.

But every relationship is different.

I'm a sex-positive graysexual heteroromantic, and my story and experience will be different to the next ace.

#asexual #asexuality #ace #asexual pride #lgbtqia+#acepride #greyace #grayace #exploring asexuality #pride #asexual heteroromantic #married asexual #asexual post #asexual positivity #ace exploring answers

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kamari3 · 4 months ago

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Another Vent Post

(typed this on my phone)

I just saw someone else on twitter say what I wanted to say so I'm gonna say it too.

It really makes me uncomfortable when people say "i'm not proship but i'm not anti: i'm normal." Because what I internalize from that is that you aren't willing to stand in solidarity with me.

At best, it means you dont have the energy or time to engage in activism and you want to curate you experience to avoid as much drama/conflict as possibe. i get that. the way you said it made me feel unsafe, and if i were a little less wise i would immediately interpret the statement as you saying you also want to hurt me, but i get it.

you dont have to get into fights you dont want to. you have every right to curate your experience no matter what side of the issue you fall on, and i will support you doing so 100%. no exceptions. no matter how upset i get, this fact does not change.

But you saying that could also mean you do also want me dead and just dont have the time or energy to shoot me yourself.

Yes, I get that it's cringe to have convictions about internet things. but this isnt dying on a hill about how fuckable you think hatsune miku is. this is about whether or not you are willing to support your community.

and whether you like it or not, the internet is also a community you are taking part of. you are literally here.

Like. Bro.

What do you even mean by "i'm not proship or anti, the whole thing is stupid"?

Do you mean it's stupid to have an opinion about how you treat other people?

Do you mean it is stupid to have an opinion about freedom of speech and censorship?

Are you trying to make me ashamed for caring about a political issue just because it most prominently affects online communities, and the farther reaching implications and impacts on these stances aren't obvious and dont use the same jargon?

(surely you know that the proship/anti issue runs parallel to the democrat/republican issue, and the anti-authoritarian/authoritarian issue. surely you know it also runs parallel with the queer/bigotry issue, since it uses all the same arguments and rhetoric. and the sex-work/puritanical issue. and the trans/transphobia issue. surely you understand that just because these political stances have nuances, differences of purpose and circumstance and vocabulary, doesnt mean they arent interconnected. they all still have threads of commonality and logic that interconnect them in parody and parallel. surely you get that the underlying root problem is a difference of ethics thats permeates nearly every polar difference of opinion and that talking about one leads to talking about all of them. surely you understand that these are nearly the same words in different languages and cultures-)

Do you actually mean, "i also think all you nasty proshippers are morally bankrupt and i hope you all die, but i dont have the energy to be a political activist so i will just let the ones that do rip you apart while i watch?"

Do you mean, "i also think that thought policing is wrong and that we shouldn't be judged for or treated badly for our fantasy/fiction indulgences, but i just dont think that it is worth getting into a fight over, and therefor i will not help you when other people harass and abuse you over fiction?"

i understand the idea of wanting to curate which labels you identify yourself with. you dont have to use the labels of proship or anti if those arent for you. but declaring the argument stupid or that anyone who has strong stances on it "needs to touch grass" only does harm. you arent making it clear whose side you are on. and while it sucks that there are sides to pick in the first place, that doesnt change that the sides are there and the fence is up.

and i'm not sorry to say that i trust someone who picks the side of the fence that wants to protect my person and my agency and my freedoms a lot more than someone who thinks me arguing my right to those is stupid.

idk maybe it IS terminally online to think controlling other people's fiction and personal life choices is bad. maybe it IS terminally online to say queers deserve to enjoy their media and representation too. maybe it IS terminally online to say "hey, maybe we shouldnt tell people their intrusive thoughts make them bad people". maybe it IS terminally online to say adults deserve the agency to be able to consent to whatever sex they want with other consenting adults, and that includes fictional sex acts they read, write, draw, and look at drawings of (wherein the artist consented to share the work, and the consumer has the agency to choose whether they view it or not, and change that at any time).

i dont think it is. but i'm just one person who has loud annoying opinions.

#vent #kamari3thoughts #discorse

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crguang · 1 day ago

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iono bout you my dawgster but the way she pronounces some words reminds me of a southern accent. sometimes it’s noticeable and sometimes it’s not😭. i think its just bit of inconsistency from the va, iono. (still love her fr.)

like if she were to say darling, i feel like it’d come out as darlin’ 😭

i was (prob still am because I haven’t did wrote anything for kafka in a while. I think i did some angst with her, iono) a victim of mischaracterizing kafka, esp earlier on when she first came out. i thought of her as someone who adopts this silly and easy personality to give those who encounters her a false sense of comfortability. really, she’s a mysterious person who’s not quite connected with her feelings and can be unintentionally intimidating when her mask slips off. if you tried to get to know her, she’ll misdirect you, leave out clues and it’ll only lead you to dead ends, etc.

some of the things maybe somewhat accurate. but now, I see her more reserved, calculated, and more aware of how she feels. kafka is and can subtle about her true feelings. depending on how she feels and her relationship with you, she can misdirect you whether it be smoothly changing the topic somehow about yourself or whatever. she can give small pieces of herself to you then leave you in the dark right after. sometimes she can be spontaneous and surprise you when she directly express herself to you through affection, gifts, and acts of service. she can be a lil distant and cold, pushing you away and sometimes you don’t realize it because it’s subtle. the cycle starts all over again and she’s aware of all of this. that’s what make kafka so frustrating😭 push and pull.

when it comes to arguments, kafka will say her piece and let you have it if you still don’t like her reasoning. often times, you don’t because she thinks logically and strangely ahead and it’s frustrating because you’re like, what are you saying? that’s not how a “normal person” would approach the situation! the way she thinks is like ugh but that’s just how kafka is. if you give her the silent treatment, she’ll find it childish but would still come back to make it up to you. she’ll give you gifts, be a little more affectionate with you than usual, blah blah. if you end up pushing her away; she will lowkey sulk about it but won’t give up. that woman does not know how to GIVE UP. in a way, kafka’s stubborn.😭

gosh I wanna write Kafka again

TRENDYYYYY HOW ARE YOUUU hope uni isnt kicking ur ass too much

i think it might be inconsistency from cheryl because i swear last time i wondered about kafka’s pronunciation she was pronouncing every letter of her words, she just has a lazy drawl. i think i mostly based that on her introduction and that scene of her showing up on the express. it’s been a while but to me it felt like more effort was put into the kind of voice she has than differentiating her way of speaking from other characters so she enunciates likes the others from what im hearing😭 im also canadian and my first language is french so ppl might hear the subtleties better than me, thats entirely possible. but the southern accent paired with the corny horny teenage boy roleplaying dirty talk is too much omggg like we gotta draw a line gjhhdsh sometimes i see her speak some aave too like thats NOT happening please 😭

you should definitely write for her again cause you got her character down with this… i mentioned it a few times but i do feel like she’d have the reflex to distance herself when she realizes she’s getting too attached while actively fighting the part of her that wants this good thing despite it not going to last (perhaps because it’s ephemeral even?) so the push and pull effect you describe is literally how that inner struggle would be portrayed in my head. the gifts then emotionally closing herself off afterwards as if she told herself that she was too obvious just now likeee yes absolutely. i think she is just like u said, calculated in her affection and guarded when it comes to receiving it, and she intellectualizes her feelings rather than feeling them. the way she opens up is so subtle too i feel like, it can just be a mention of something she hasn’t told anyone else but since it seems mundane, you won’t necessarily understand that she’s revealing herself to you. i think that would make vulnerability feel less uncomfortable because on some level you’re not aware of said vulnerability. approaching others is easy, reciprocating isn’t, so yeah i believe it’d feel like she’s leading you on sometimes and that she’s just pretending, that her genuine actions are mocking in nature. i write it that way in wasted with longing and it’s pretty fun 😭😭 i’d lose my shit tho.

the arguments omg ok what i love about kafka is that she has a high level of emotional intelligence (depending on the definition, always; i see it as having empathy, being able to understand/recognize others emotions + context and adjust your behavior in response to that, have the capacity for conflict resolution without falling into manipulation or control, have good social skills, etc) but it’s mostly cognitive empathy imo. she’ll understand why you might react a certain way but she’ll double down on what’s logical rather than put herself in your shoes and that would make me go crazy because emotions arent always logical. she may sound dismissive bc of it imo. she’d see certain situations in a “conflict -> resolution -> no more problem” way and will get annoyed if you’re “stuck on details” rather than seeing the big picture. ouh shes so irritating, god forbid we ever fight bc id be so heated while she’s unbothered and that would make me even more mad LMFAO. but yes sometimes kafka speaks and im like “what the fuck are you saying” so imagine her unnecessary, riddle-like way of speaking during an argument i’d lose my mind fr. she’s good at getting you to forgive her tho 🙄 will be on her best behavior until she knows you’re no longer mad and will probably be corny for a while just to get you to smile ughhhhhhhh my wife

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