#yes i know i look like a 8 year old child i'm aware

[xviruserrorx]

I swear just because I'm a little person it doesn't make me some kind of foreign object to push around....

[mr-nauseam]

I'm going to talk about Coriolanus' crazy infantilization of Sejanus all the time. It's a bit of a weird topic I don't deny it but I find it quite interesting and I think it has everything to do with his prejudices against the people of the district.

Look I too find this thing of Coriolanus compulsively saving Sejanus and taking care of him cute and yes Coriolanus is the same age as Sejanus but one thing about Coriolanus is that because of the circumstances he live, he has been forced to adopt a more mature and adult facade, it's not weird it happen considering he was orphaned at a young age and is the only man in his house, so even though Tigris went through a worse adultification and was the real one that was being responsible for her grandmother and cousin, at least from Coriolanus' perspective he is the one who should take care of Tigris, he is the one who should be the voice of reason for being the only man in charge of two frail and weak women, he is the only one who can be the head of the Snow family.

Now all this combines in a very particular way in every interaction he has with Sejanus, whose parents are alive, they are very loving and they take care of him (we know that his relationship with Strabo is complicated and I will mention this again later), the fact that he has not faced financial difficulties like the Snows have faced, makes Coriolanus, despite being the same age as Sejanus, infantilize him. That is to say, Coriolanus perceives himself as a responsible man and Sejanus as a capricious child that he must take care of or supervise.

This aspect is underscored when Sejanus begins to act increasingly impusive and provocative during the games (from again Coriolanus' perspective, our boy was simply protesting against the injustices of the system and while that is provocative, I don't know how much of that is really impulsive), and Coriolanus at every turn is there supervising or helping Sejanus in some way, he's impulsively saving him from getting into trouble, but he's doing it under this idea that Sejanus is somehow a spoiled child who doesn't understand things and needs to be brought under control.

Which again is something quite significant because Coriolanus at the end of the day is the same age as Sejanus and although the complicated circumstances he lived through perhaps gave him a greater awareness in certain aspects of how the world works, he is still a child, who also does not understand many things (and again all this under the idea of believing that Sejanus in no way has gone through a similar process of adultification or has been forced to be more mature than what corresponds to his age, when we can doubt it, that was a child who like Coriolanus lived through the war and remember at 8 years old was consoling his Ma, a grown woman from a situation of great stress and in general his awareness of the Capitol's treatment of the districts speaks of a greater understanding than expected for someone so young, yes Coriolanus is still in circumstances of greater pressure than Sejanus for the miss of money but it is a good detail to keep in mind).

Something that becomes very clear with every conversation Coriolanus has with adults, the thing is that while many give credit to Casca's old friendship with Crassus in why he clocked him so quickly, I think that all that falls mainly on the youth of Coriolanus, as not only Casca, but Dr. Gaul, Strabo Plinth, Dr. Kelly, are characters with whom Coriolanus has trouble engaging in serious conversation, or fooling them, and they are all full-fledged adults who easily see through his childish nature.

But even so, Coriolanus still perceives himself as a grown man and Sejanus as a child, and the funny thing is that Coriolanus will rarely do this with his Capitol classmates. This is something he does almost exclusively with Sejanus, the only other person he treats similarly is Lucy Gray, and here comes the connection, Coriolanus perceives his academy classmates as equals, while he sees Sejanus as beneath him.

Something that Coriolanus constantly thinks of the people of the district is that they are savages, they are not rational beings and there lies the key to the infantilization that Coriolanus does with Sejanus, because Sejanus is from the districts in the eyes of Coriolanus it is impossible for him to be a rational person, that's why when things go downhill, and an event like the entrance of Sejanus in the arena, or later his involvement with the rebels and the weapons, happens, is that the infantilization that Coriolanus makes of Sejanus becomes more noticeable, and strict.

Things escalate so quickly that at one point Coriolanus perceives himself as someone who has to act in the role of a strict father to Sejanus (and he was indeed acting like a controlative noisy father). IT IS INSANE. IT'S FUCKING CRAZY, how much being of the districts makes Coriolanus perceive Sejanus in such a radical way, in comparison to, because as I said, to act as if Sejanus is a child who no have any idea how to take care of himself, Coriolanus subconsciously believes he is more rational, mature and intelligent than Sejanus.

Coriolanus think he is is more capable to take care OF SEJANUS THAN SEJANUS HIMSELF! And Coriolanus really believes that is the case because he is from the Capitol.

The worst thing is that Sejanus is aware of this. He knows that Coriolanus is treating him like a child, hello for something so many “you don't need to be saving me”? but I don't think it's something that makes him feel uncomfortable either, I don't think it's something that he see as a bad thing and the reason why he is not freaked out IT HAVE ALL TO DO WITH HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FATHER but that' s a talk for another day.

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

you know for ostensibly a delirium fan blog, i end up talking disproportionally about dream and desire, so lets even those scales a little, because there's plenty interesting to talk about with my girl

and one thing that i think is really important to delirium's characterisation is that she is not a child

she's impulsive, yes. she can be absent minded, she enjoys playing, and has little care about being perceived as weird. she struggles to communicate her thoughts in a 'normal' way, all things common amongst various neurodivergences. but she's extremely aware of her surroundings, and her realm is home to every fucked up thought anyone's ever had, she's in no way naive (like look at how many of her ramblings involve sex or death or other things that would be censored in kids media)

the very first time we meet delirium in the comics, we get this bit of narration, which has stuck in my head since i read it

because that battle between who delirium is and who people see her as is fascinating to me

she's older than every being that's ever lived, mortal or not, bar 8 (her siblings and her parents)

and celestial bodies are also people in this universe, they're all younger than her too, she's watched the stars grow up

she is the 9th oldest being ever

but we see so much of this story through the eyes of the other endless, and they don't think of her as the 9th eldest being in existence. they think of her as their baby sister

some more than others. i think destruction was one of the people most willing to see her as she actually is. and while i'm not sure if dream is always on the list of good siblings here (he has a tendency to be condescending), someone commented on my post about a dream and delirium scene that despite delirium making no sense, dream doesn't talk down to her

he may not see her as on his level (he does, after all, agree to go with delirium at first because he assumes it's something she'll get bored of and forget about eventually, he doesn't expect her to be right), but dream at least has an abstract enough domain that he sees through her words to the meaning behind them, and he respects her way of communicating

but with most of her siblings, it's a fight to be taken seriously, and we do see a few moments where she's angry enough to remind them she's their equal

and i love her so much as neurodivergent representation, because how many of us have had to deal with the whole adult physically child mentally thing? oh they're mentally a 5 year old, no, they're mentally an adult, they just think differently to you. and i love del for the fact that she doesn't let certain things being 'childish' stop her from doing them if they feel right, she doesn't let anyone else make her hide things about herself. but also she stands up for herself and reminds her siblings that she knows more than any of them.

and she does, she's the only endless who's been through a change like that. she sees so much more than they do, and just because she can't always communicate it doesn't mean she doesn't understand

her realm is described as the easiest for people to reach, the closest to humanity (but one of the hardest to leave). death gets all the credit for spending the most time with humanity, not distancing herself from that like the other endless, but neither does delirium. del was perhaps the first to figure out what it was the endless were missing. just because her mind is in pieces doesn't mean she isn't whole

(the best characterisations of del in fics will always be the ones that remember her dialogue isn't just random rambling, the rambling has to come hand in hand with extremely perceptive observations of the people around her)

(she's the one of the few people who can make dream speechless in her analysis of his issues)

and yes, her physical presentation is younger than that of her siblings. but she doesn't present as a child, she hasn't since she was delight, she presents as a teenager

because what other physical form perfectly represents that frustration to be seen as the adult you know you are in your head when everyone in your life can only see you as a child?

[tired-needs-sleep]

Tell me any fun (or not-so fun) facts about your rebornverse OCs! Totally not because I'm planning something...

OOOOH BOY LOADED QUESTION.

i have been waiting for an ask like this. you dont even know. i looove fun facts and i have a few laying around.

gonna stick to my main character ocs since they have the most stuff about them- i have some side ocs like rue and rene but they are not nearly as developed, so there'd be little to no fun facts for them

also gonna try and keep this, somewhat organized but it's bound to devolve.

rhea:

originally she was going to be shipped with. shudders. fern.

don't ask. i will not answer for my sins

i got the idea to kill her parents in a fire from an idea from a year prior to making her, where the main character's home burnt down mysteriously and a wild absol saved them, forcing them to embark on a journey. i never developed this idea much further so i instead recycled elements from this to make rhea and sara.

that main character's pokemon included every eeveeloution, hence where i got her theme from.

originally rhea was also going to be an empath but i figured i liked her being autistic instead, so i switched it.

yes she is canonically autistic

she's polyam! right now the idea is her to be shipped with victoria and saphira.

her family heirloom is called the obsidian starshard- it is the 5th key to the ruins under reborn. long ago one of her ancestors (i assume a grandparent,) stole the starshard and fled reborn for alola. a small branch of the guardians of the ruins chased after them to retrieve it, but they were always evaded. it eventually led to her mother passing it down to her to keep the organization on their toes when they caught up to her years later.

that eventually ended up leading rhea back to reborn. small world, huh?

rhea constantly squeezes her starshard. it comforts her

she's easily flustered

her name is pronounced ray-a. its technically wrong, but i think it suits her more.

as a kid her nickname was ray-ray. which is. longer than her actual name

her birthday is march 14th

she actually had to battle shade twice, since she was too psyched out to focus the first time around due to seeing corey die again.

rhea and hardy are good friends

she has litchenburg figures from being struck with a thunderbolt. most of the scarring is on her back, but you can see some of it on her arms and collarbone

rhea's trainer class is rising star during maingame. as champion it's protector of reborn

after the events of agate city, rhea almost passes out since it was so soon after she got injured

before the amaria incident, rhea loved swimming

she blames herself for that as well, constantly trying to figure out what she did wrong

her natural hair color is brown

she's considered dying her hair pink

pink is her favorite color

she adopted the eevee from the lost railcave. she named him florence after the captain.

she looks like her mom

they were about 8 when their parents were killed

she likes puns only because her dad was a goofball and never passed up a chance to use puns

névé (her a-ninetales) reminded her of winter when she found her as a vulpix

she thinks about the other trainers that were on the train at the beginning sometimes

they looked up to amaria before the whole underwater thing

speaking of water: she loves swimming and pretty much anything with water.. and yet they still remember what happened and can't bring themself to do anything she'd want to around other people. sometimes when she's alone they still feel this dread that it'll happen again….

her flareon never liked amaria

she feels guilty about - (… literally every death)

she is an only child, but always wanted siblings

emphemeon(bug type evo) evolved first, espeon evolved last.

i didn't like how victory road had a lot of self aware jokes. it got old very fast for me, so instead of having the others save her at every turn, i have koa do that since its always out of its pokeball

rhea can understand what her eeveeloutions are saying

koa knows power gem through cavern

nia:

her favorite cereal is trix and she named her scorbunny that because it reminded her of the mascot

she prefers hot springs over pools

she thought she was aroace before she had her first crush

she picked up rock collecting shortly after coming to aevium and since then knows a little about rocks and gems

her favorite rock is granite and her favorite gemstone is sunstone. she also thinks geodes are awesome

in school she played soccer and volleyball

she has an incredibly high spice tolerance

she finally realizes that how she feels abt aelita is not platonic sometime towards the end of chapter 14

instead of arceus she says adrest in common phrases

heavy sleeper. sometimes when someone tries to wake her up it won't work until long after a normal person would give up, but if she's tossing and turning it's a lot easier (which, is like 70% of the game, but details details), and she has a habit of swatting at people that try to wake her up while she's in a deeper sleep. she isn't aware she does that until someone tells her.

i almost named her an A name but i asked one of my friends which one and she chose nia's name

nia originally had gray eyes, but she always had heterochromia

if i could assign a legendary to her, i would choose either virizon, keldeo, or galarian zapdos

nia swears up and down she's killed a fake plant before

her favorite drink is apple juice, but she likes orange soda a ton as well.

^ her favorite food is galarian spicy curry.

she punched a screen in the nightmare school out of frustration and, predictably, cut her knuckles on the glass, but she wouldn't stop picking at the scabs when they were healing so they scarred.

she's a yellow character.

she's the type to confess something before a drop on a rollercoaster

she doesn't like milk. it needs to be flavored or in cereal for her to tolerate it. that's why her favorite cereals are the ones that flavor the milk. besides trix. she'll eat that and only that one dry sometimes

she might have adhd because of accidental projection

she's afraid of her own power

ironically, she's also afraid of heights

she treats her birthday like any other day and doesn't see it as very important, but goes all out for her friends.

instead of cherry like ari hosts usually get, the nickname marianette gave her is tangerine

it becomes her favorite after that chapter, and she has a few outfits with tangerine/orange slice patterns

she looks. really good in orange or yellow, which is a main factor in why they're her favorite colors post valor. before then it was red

for her birthday, she got a toxel egg from amber, a bandanna from aelita, earrings from melia, and the rest i haven't decided on yet

her favorite jewelry is a ring her mother gave her

'through space and time' is a common theme in rejuv so i went wild with it. valen is a perfect example of this. nia has known him since she was a child

her favorite weather is a warm day with a chilly breeze

she has a habit of adopting the younger characters as her siblings. its happened with marianette and mosely. it will happen again.

she and ren are good friends after they made up.

she's terrified of time traveling

the whole gang placed bets on how long it would take for nia and aelita to get together. it was originally venam's idea and everyone got in on it when they saw how the two were around each other

her birthday is november 24th

sara:

hasumi and kisaragi are the same exact age

sara's favorite artist would be odetari

they prefer ice cold drinks, but could handle a hot drink.

their main love language is acts of service (other top 2 are words of affirmation and quality time)

canonically the only gyms they've had real trouble with are reeve, garret, and aaron.

she likes telling her friends she's proud of them.

light sleeper; if you touch them while they're asleep there's a high chance they'll wake up. [iseult is the only exception.]

the main reason why hasumi isn’t a mega (...anymore) is because she doesn’t like changing into that form.

sumi is very protective of sara

they can’t resist a challenge, especially when someone baits them into doing it, even though they know exactly what’s going on

they don't like billionaires

bad spending habits. if they see something they want they will get it.

they probably believe in karma

affectionate name calling. their favorite thing to call people is dumbass.

vision in their right eye is a little worse than their left 

she is a chronic complainer

it deeply pains sumi to see her trainer suffer and she does what she does best: be there for them like they would for her

they tend to over apologize whenever they're being vulnerable

they aren't fluent in pokemon language but can understand the general idea of what its saying

they show symptoms of c-ptsd. i think it's possible they have it

they have depression.

they're left handed

sometimes when they're half asleep their body does that jolt thing (when you jolt wide awake since your brain thinks your heart rate is slowing down too quickly)

they never get used to people just knowing who they are

when fighting any form of pain inflicted on them makes them angrier

their own blood actually freaks them out 

they get motion sickness

sumi and silverhawke will only obey sara, even if they say to do whatever the person says

 she likes her hair being brushed

 their favorite food is sushi and seafood

 she also likes rice

 she's terrified of the doctor because its a scary unknown thing and they don't like the idea of someone just. examining them

 would not like shots either

 tends to prefer laying on her stomach

they keep at least one coin in their pocket for flipping and can do it with their thumb

they hate it when people make "got something on your face" jokes 

they're always wondering when they'll eventually let everyone down

their original nickname was kisara until i shortened it once and it stuck to sara

i would've named hasumi something like prophecy or whatever if it weren't for sara's name

sara's name means devil

their favorite flower is the moonflower. they use shampoo with its scent.

their second favorite is the desert rose.

as hinted with that last one, they like succulents

they would like cheesecake

their favorite flavor type is tangy, their second favorite is sour

their original nickname was kisara but i shortened it once and it just, stuck

the first thing i decided about them was their ace

she has a small collection of fountain pens

i went back and forth between black and white hair for them for a good second before i settled on white. but i like to think that they've dyed their hair black before

their favorite book genre is thriller but mystery and horror come in second and third

doesn't like pineapple on pizza

their spice tolerance isnt terrible. they can tolerate a good amount of spice since they're more resistant to pain, but its just not her thing usually

they walk silently if there's nothing on the ground to interfere with it like leaves

she thought of battle more like a means of defending herself instead of a hobby and finds it tedious at times

…so due to the nature of absol and that, they aren't as fond of battling as the usual league challenger. ava and scarlet had to convince them to give it a try

probably has a resting bitch face when they're tired. so almost all the time

voice can be monotone at times, usually when depression is kicking their ass

they're semi nocturnal- their internal clock is a few hours later than the usual person's so it's harder for them to sleep until it's really late.

[chronicleverse au] the main motivator for sara's hyper independence is iseult refusing to stop caring for them so much

[with r's deso trio]

they love asra and cande's cooking but doesn't ask often out of fear of bothering them

they just let cande pick them up

in fact, they just let all three of them do whatever they want with psychical affection

they're taller than asra lmao

they always wear the bracelets they got for their birthday

they also adore the music box they got then too

their aura exhaustion is worse here

mena likes to drag them along to do whatever her plans are for the day.

they are very fond of cande's siblings, mostly little xiamena.

asra and sara are very close. very very close. they're each other's weaknesses.

as you can tell, sara has a lot more facts. this is mostly because i didn't write down every single idea for nia and rhea like i did for them, and some details may have been lost to time and tumblr void.

as a bonus, here's one more not so serious fun fact: if rhea and sara were in the same game as companions, i think they could work as a ship. it'd be kinda cute.

[justcallmesolll]

I realise why its so embarrassing to talk about being neurodivergant irl.

yeen rambles #1

being on the internet is like walking on a frozen lake. we have to be so extremely careful with everything we do to not be harassed for it. one of these things, is being autistic or having ADHD. (i will mainly focus on autisim as im more familliar with expeiancing it, although i will say its differant for everyone.) people are so quick to accuse others of faking a disorder like autisim, and it gets to the point where people who either have or havent got a diagnosis with autisim are being acussed of faking it. but this behaviour is so much more common irl, where if you try to talk about it, the first thing thats asked is "Wait so do you have a diagnosis?"

now, things are different in Scotland compared to America, and i acknowledge that. the whole process of getting a diagnosis for something like autism is such a laborious process. first, you need to be put on the waiting list, which usually doesn't happen until you reach about year 8 or 9(more often than not, its females. a male's symptoms of autism are easily spotted and caught early on.), where you realise that "hey! actually I'm not normal at all!" and IF you get a meeting with a GP, you list all symptoms, talk about how extremely hard it is for you to literally just function in the world made for neurotypicals.

then you're asked the hardest question, which, will be asked SO many times; "Why do you want a diagnosis?" this is such a hard, excruciating question to ask someone with autism, because we genuinely don't know how to answer. Because I need it? I know that sounds weird, but I do. I need a diagnosis to feel whole if that makes sense. the reassurance that I'm not a weird, lazy, dysfunctional human being would be nice. to know that there's a reason why its so hard to simply live. to prove anyone who denies me wrong? its hard to explain and it makes you feel like a rabbit caught in a snare. if, AND ONLY IF, you somehow manage to get onto the waiting list, you're looking at about an average of two-three years until you get an appointment. another thing they'll say to you is "There's no cure for it you know." I'm so fucking aware of that. more aware than anybody around me at all fucking times. you think I'm going through this entire process for fun?? Those people are almost ALWAYS fucking neurotypical or speak to you like a five year old.

but that's why I don't have a fucking diagnosis. what the fuck does it matter to you anyway??? I don't see how me having or not having autism affects you? i know neurotypicals find it hard to grasp what it's like to be autistic. because it sounds unreal. it IS fucking unreal. but if you're autistic, you are VERY aware of it. even if you don't know what autism is. you assume that everyone went though what you did as a small child. THEY FUCKING DIDNT. you are just different. that's how it is, and that's how it always will be. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. the way I act or speak, it's not the same as everybody else. i tried talking about it, "Everybody feels that way." yes. they do. but the thing is, it's (Mostly) never true yea? with autism you're aware that you are speaking in a very unnatural manner, you are aware of the stares you receive as you speak, of the brief, unnatural silence after you finish talking. Because it's happening. it's not in your head. its real. and happening right now. but neurotypicals straight up just refuse to believe this. at least from my experience. they insist that I'm overreacting, or overanalysing it. but I'm fucking not. its happening right in front of me, broad as day.

you're constantly justifying your own experiences. trying to make them understand, until you realize, Why am I trying to convince this person? that sounds like something somebody who is trying to fake it would do. you start second guessing yourself, Maybe I am over exaggerating. I read that person wrong, or that didn't actually happen. you become that opposing side in your own head as you grow up. no-one else needed. and so, you get the feeling that everyone, along with yourself, is constantly doubting your claims. Which isn't good at all. if I don't have autism then who am i? i clearly dont know myself well enough, am i sure i'm even who i want to be? even writing that last part there, i thought to myself; Don't be so dramatic! it's not that big a deal. but it is. it so is.

Shit as it is, if there was a cure for autism, I wouldn't want it. it makes me who I am, and as fucking annoying as it is I wouldn't change it. I just kind of wish more people would understand it, or at least accept it, rather than deny it.

TLDR; it feels like most ppl including urself dont belive you which is shit, but its not at the same time idk man its confusing.

[imogenleewriter]

✨ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨

THANK YOU @nouies FOR THE TAG!! I'd missed the notif and was reading yours and thinking it looked fun to do and then when I got to the bottom I saw you'd tagged me.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 

5 but one is a WIP

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

581,554 - which is pretty decent for less than a year, I think lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

one direction 

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

You Can Hear It In The Silence

You, Me (and everyone we know) - Which is crazy because it's the WIP!

Save Me (from myself)

You're Not My Type (still I fall)

I Hope You Choke (on those words) - which is like my neglected child. I always forget it exists and literally never mention it.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? WELL, I used to and it was something I prided myself on. But, well, I am so extremely lucky to have such a loud, and talkative readership who are insanely loud and talkative... I've been trying to catch up, but I'm still about 2 months behind and that's after me giving up on like 7 chapters of ymaewk. It was just getting too hard to try and catch up so I cut my losses and am just going from the chapter I'm up to. I will one day. But also, some of those comments are like 4 months old now, so people might not want answers to those? It must be annoying to get emails for those, right? RIGHT?

But in general YES! And it's something I feel really passionately about. If someone goes to the effort to write a comment, I really think they deserve a reply - and a decent one. All that being said, I think everyone kind of thinks that way? Like I've never commented on a fic and not gotten a reply?? So I'm pretty sure everyone replies.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? None? Angsty endings aren't really my thing, and I don't think they ever will be. I want everything wrapped up as neatly as possible. I guess maybe I hope you choke, because it's only 3k words, so it's not like... fully resolved? But there isn't much to resolve.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Hopefully all of them?? I think maybe ychiits because it was really, really well resolved? Like... every single thread was tied. You're Not My Type also had a really happy one but it's such a soft fic that I don't think it would ever not.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

A little. A lot less than I deserve, tbh lol. The main place I've seen it is in bookmarks, so now I just don't check the bookmarks. (if you're going to bookmark a fic with criticism, make it private).

I do get a few... odd comments. Like they're not hate, but they're just... idk how to explain it without signalling comments out. In a fic discord group, I'm in with like 70 members. There is literally a sticker that says 'Imogen's comment complaint time,' for me to use when I... complain about those comments, lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah. Very consensual, often awkward smut lol. Like to keep it real.

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No. At least not as far as I'm aware and I'm sure someone would tell me if I had.

I've been accused of 'stealing' fics... twice. But both times were by anons who hadn't actually read the fics, and had just read the summaries/tags... and both times were low-key ridiculous (again, I say this as if I didn't cry both times... and have to turn anon comments off).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah... actually... I think one has been done and I haven't linked it yet. Shit. So I'm pretty sure that ychiits has two (one that I haven't linked) and someone is doing SMFM now. I currently have a rule that it can only go on ao3, and not Wattpad but I'm low-key thinking about changing it. In fact, I'm kind of thinking about uploading them to Wattpad... it's just no one ever does it and I don't know if there is a reason for not doing it??? Is there are reason? Why don't people upload to Wattpad??

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but @hereforh and I are in the process of writing one!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Larry. The only time I've read other ships is when I've been reading smut lol. And that's more about the smut than the ship.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I always think of WIPs as in ones I've started uploading lol. And I always intend to finish those. But WIP as in started but not uploaded? Yeah, heaps!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, relatively authentic characters, and complex plots.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else. I feel like my writing technique is ... shit, tbh. I'm really surprised no one ever says it. I do feel like it's improved a bit, but yeah, still shit.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think if I was going to write much of it, I'd find someone who spoke it well. I'm not really sure when I'd need to do it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I always say I never wrote fanfic until One Direction but I'm not ENTIRELY sure that's true. When I was a young teenager, I used to read All Time Low fanfiction on Quizilla and I did upload some stuff there. As far as I can remember, they were all original fiction but it's possible I wrote an ATL one. I know I wrote a tiny one based on the song Self-Conclusion by The Spill Canvas. I think it was literally using the dialogue from the song and then writing around it.

20. Favorite fic you've written? 

Oooooh, so tricky. I love them all for different reasons. Ychiits will always be my baby forever and ever.

Probably YMAEWK, and the only thing that stops me from being sure it's that one is just that it's less relatable. Like I know with ychiits and even SMFM, people saw themselves in the characters and story. Whereas I feel like it's harder to relate to ymaewk and long term, it might not have as big of an impact. BUT, I do love those boys soooo much and love the story. So, yeah, probably ymaewk.

Anddddddd (sorry if you've already been tagged and obviously no pressure) I tag @hereforh @nooradeservedbetter @lunarheslwt @enchantedlandcoffee @thelavendrhaze and anyone else who wants to do it!

[gamesception]

Sception reads Cass Cain #14

Batgirl (2000) #3 Story: Peterson & Puckett Art: Scott & Campanella

The tag line says Batgirl "meets META", and shows this dramatic fight with a dark skinned muscle man, like his name is Meta and he's a big deal, as though meeting him is important. Like Crime Boss Jr. in the previous issue, this guy is not, in fact, important, doesn't come back in the future, and iirc doesn't even have a name. "Meta" is just referring to the idea of 'metahumans' in general. As for what this issue is about, it's not as coherent and self contained as issue 2, since it's setting up for issue 4, but there is a central theme here.

Like issue 2 there's an opening set up before flashing back to the main action of the book. This time we have Bruce as a narrator, and he's clearly been deeply shaken by something, but we don't know what yet. He bluntly relates the general premise of the book in those narration boxes I'm always railing against - thankfully absent from most of the issue otherwise. A mob accountant stole a bunch of money and abandoned his former employers, and to keep them from coming after him hid evidence of their crimes in his daughter's bear. The mob have kidnapped his daughter - and the bear - to get him to hand over the evidence. If they realize they already have the evidence then the girl is dead.

We also get the theme of the issue - one that will be a recurring theme throughout Batgirl - that of fathers and daughters, and in particular how being a good person and being a good father, or at least one who genuinely cares about your child, aren't necessarily the same thing.

As I've mentioned in the past, there have been many takes on Batman over the years by any different creators. The batman of the time was particularly grim and unforgiving, especially of himself and his allies. It's not enough to save everyone who can be saved - anybody who is killed in his city is a personal failure - his failure, his subordinates failure. It's irrational, and honestly childish, but this is a version of batman who was broken by the murder of his parents and never really recovered from that emotionally, from the helplessness he felt, and so he feels compelled to control everything - himself, his surrogate family, his city. Every unnatural death reminds him of everything he can't control, and puts him back in the head of that helpless kid watching his parents die.

In general I prefer a slightly more well adjusted take on Batman, but this is the Batman that Cass was created for, her issues are tailored to play off of his. Because she is exactly like him - equally unforgiving, of herself more than anyone else. Only we know her motivation is guilt, not revenge, which in turn implies that Bruce's motivation also isn't revenge, it's guilt. Survivor's guilt, but guilt all the same, and the poisoned root of his righteous fury isn't anger at the man who took his parents from him, but anger at his 8 year old self for not being able to stop it from happening.

And Barbara is having exactly none of it. Yes she gets frustrated with Cassandra, with her inability to connect with her and with Cass's apparent lack of interest in developing that ability, but she's also fiercely protective of Cass, and especially quick to protect her from Bruce. Because this Babs is older, and has known this Bruce for a long time now. She's aware of his bullshit, she knows how easy it is for his younger proteges to look up to and worship him, and she knows how much Cassandra already does. But she also how quick he is to turn on them for failing to meet the impossible standards that he holds himself to.

And, of course, the moment he's out of Bab's earshot, he tries to have this conversation with Cass anyway. And he just can't. But as readers we know he doesn't need to, that she already felt John's death as her own failure. Because they're the same.

So Bruce and Cass bust into the safe house in typical bat fashion, Bruce going to interrogate the boss over the girl's location while Cass is trusted to take out an entire room of armed goons by herself, which she does in a couple of cool panels, because, again, fights between Cass and normal goons are foregone conclusions so we don't need to waste a lot of panel time on them.

But then a different sort of goon shows up, and Cass is suddenly confused and out of her element. The panel there does a great job of showing her surprise. Also the panel before it is great too, the low angle to emphasize how big the guy is, the foreshortening with Cass's right elbow towards the viewer with the motion extending up through her left fist for the punch, making it feel fast and strong which then emphasizes the surprise at how the guy's no-sell reaction.

Also, wasn't this guy dark skinned on the cover? Introduced without a name, wearing generic clothes, apparently not worth keeping visual details consistent between the cover and interior, it's almost like this guy isn't actually important.

But he can casually punch holes in concrete pillars, and Bruce is suddenly concerned, recalling issue 1 and the 'no costumed criminals' rule, which in the real world was about the kind of stories Cass's creative team wanted to tell, but in universe is about the fact that Cass's body reading and martial arts skills that make regular human opponents non-threats to her don't necessarily apply to someone with superhuman physiology.

Babs isn't the only one with protective parent instincts, and Bruce swoops in to push "Meta" out the window.

The mob boss, not eager to join Meta on a trip out the window, gives the girl to Bruce, who passes her off to Cass and tells her to go while he stays to fight Meta, who has shaken off the two story drop and climbed back up.

Cass hides with the traumatized girl in an abandoned trolley car outside, and puts a hand on her forehead to try to calm her down, which sparks a memory of her own father...

David, covering 8 year old Cass's eyes with his big hand and timing her as she assembles a pistol blind. Look how proud he is of her time! Look how excited she is at his approval! Proud parent passing their skills on to their child in a happy father/daughter bonding activity, but contrasted and made upsetting and wrong by the gun in her hands, the guns and ammo all around them. This particular version of David Cain, the man who is simultaneously the proud affectionate Papa who Cass loved and a monstrous murderer grooming her for a life drenched in blood, is so important to Cass's character and motivations and relationships with others, particularly Bruce.

The memory is interrupted when Meta finds them, the bat symbol torn off of Bruce's costume in his fist implying bad things.

Cass gets far enough away to set the girl down, then turns back for the fight. And since, in theory at least, outcome of this fight isn't a foregone conclusion, it actually goes on for a few pages, with Cass hitting the guys neck over and over, the guy catching her cape and slamming her to the ground seemingly knocking her out.

It's a cool enough fight scene, but while the outcome may be in question in universe, as readers we know Cass isn't going to suffer her first outright loss in a fight to someone who isn't even important enough to have a name. So as he steps over Cass's seemingly unconscious body to go for the girl, she gets up behind him and kicks him in the neck a few more times, bringing him down even as she does finally pass out.

Bruce is alive, of course, and shows up after the fight is over. I love how worried he looks when he's checking to see if Cass is alive, only breaking into a big proud papa smile when he's sure she'll be ok.

Back at the bat cave, Bruce is in high spirits despite being pretty badly beat up. He started the night with doubts about Cassandra after her 'failure' to save John, but ends the day proud and impressed with her performance and fully satisfied of her commitment to save lives even against impossible odds. "She's just like me fr". He's almost forgotten the mob evidence in the bear - which he does hand to Alfred to repair so the girl can have it back. This Bruce has a lot of issues, but he's not without compassion for innocent children at least. Alfred's more concerned with patching up his own kid.

But why was Bruce looking all dejected in the issue's opening?

Just then Batman get's a mysterious message from an anonymous source. How exactly? Does Batman have an email address? Anyway, the message has a video, through a keyhole camera, showing a little girl who Bruce recognizes as Cass in a room with some strange men. Little looks back, as though smiling for a camera that she knows is there, before, well, we already know what's coming.

But it does come as a surprise to Bruce, and the comic ends on a cliffhanger.

"What will Bruce - specifically this version of Bruce who is still so damaged by his trauma, who is still so triggered by death and killing that he holds himself and his followers personally responsible when someone dies even if they had no way to prevent it - what will this Bruce do when he finds out Cass, the young protege that he most sees as a reflection of himself, has killed someone?" This question's been hanging over Cassandra basically since her introduction in No Man's Land. Honestly, if I had been in charge of this book, I'd have waited a bit longer before pulling this particular trigger.

They do find a way to drag out Bruce's response though, a way that many people found kind of dumb but that I though was a perfect fit for his character. But that we'll have to get into next time.

For the time being, though, yeah, we're building up a strong theme this issue around parenthood. Babs as the protective mother shielding Cass from Bruce, the unseen mob accountant father endangering his daughter by hiding the evidence with her, Bruce trying and failing to impart his morals and mindset to Cass through the wall of her linguistic impairment, flashback David Cain who unlike Babs and Bruce was able to easily and naturally connect to Cass without the need for words, proud papa Bruce after Cass's fight with Meta, all ending on a cliffhanger as present David Cain moves to drive a wedge between Cass and the surrogate father she's replaced him with.

It's a fitting and not at all uncommon theme for a new legacy hero's book to tackle - but it's handled with a lot of nuance here, and with the parallels that have been set up between Bruce and David as father figures for Cass the idea that they'll soon be butting heads over her directly is pretty exciting.

Otherwise, as usual for this team, I love the writing and art in this issue, the reliance of panel art over words to convey most of the story and especially emotional bits like the flashback, the expressiveness of the characters in Scott's style. Great issue all round, even if it doesn't stand on its own the way issue 2 did.

[bookofbonbon]

alright my two working braincells are currently working over time after that new chapter. so, so far we know that reader came to kings landing with her uncle at 8 years old soon after getting her scar, previously living in the north where her father and sibling still reside. other nobles in kings landing (such as alicent) seem to know about the accident but are not aware the victim (or at least one of them) has survived, this meaning its details aren't clear, as if the family of lord royce wanted to keep it under wraps. this checks out with reader describing it as a dark family secret and something theyre ashamed of. there's been no mention of her mother so far. has something happened to her that night? abandoning a little child simply because of a scar and her status of 'damaged goods' seems cruel. maybe her father had also lost his wife during the attack and since every time he looked at reader he was reminded of his possible negligence (him gifting the assaulter the blade alongside other things?) that resulted in reader's mother's death and her mutilation thus deciding to send her away? and maybe the allegations that we see alicent speak of concern lord royce's involvement in his wife's death. i must admit i have no idea who 'him', the assaulter that reader mentions could possibly be 🤔 there's also the matter of another event taking place when reader and aemond are respectively 18 and 19 that pushed them even closer to each other, a confrontation with her attacker/family perhaps? 👀 im not expecting any answers, am just loudly theorising haha can't wait for the next one!!

Ooo I didn't think anyone would be paying such close attention to the readers backstory. It’ll definitely keep me on my toes knowing that someone is hahah

Without giving too much away, yes, most nobles are aware something happened within the Reckless family but, indeed the details aren't clear as there have always been a lot of rumours about the incident that are in direct contrast of what was said to have happened.

The assaulter like her mother hasn't been mentioned at all at this stage but, they both will be soon.

And yes! Something did happen around their respective ages of 18 and 19 that pushed them closer together. I've already got the skeleton for that particular chapter laid out so, it'll likely be posted after the current chapter I'm working on.

Tysm for loudly theorising! ♡ I greatly appreciate it and it's really fun to read. If I didn't force myself to exercise some modicum of control, I honestly would've happily given everything away to you about the details of the Reckless family's backstory 😂

Also, your two working brain cells are doing a great job so, please give them some credit and love because you're on the nose about something but, I won't say what 🫢

Thank you again, love ♡

[handicappedbuenchico]

Five Characters, Five Tags

Andy Barclay (Child's Play series)

The original Child's Play from 1988 was my first horror movie that I watched as a wee child at 8 years old. It was my introduction to the 80's slasher genre, and bred my love for old school horror movies. This very blog wouldn't exist without me seeing this movie, in fact. Enough gushing about the original movie though, you came to hear about why Andy Barclay is here. I immediately loved Andy Barclay because Andy was like ME at that age. He played with dolls, he was the pinnacle of childhood innocence and wonder, he lived in a big city and had a mother who was struggling to make ends meet WHILE STILL TRYING HER BEST TO MAKE HIM HAPPY FOR HIS BIRTHDAY!! Hell I even looked like Andy at that age, except I'm a girl and I was chubbier. Nowadays I just feel so fucking bad for Andy. It genuinely pained me to witness just how paranoid and (admittedly) obsessed he had become, how much of his normalcy and innocence he lost, despite knowing it was all Chucky's doing. Now I just wanna wrap Andy up in a blanket and make him feel safe from that possessed hunk of plastic. I think it's safe to say that Andy Barclay will always have a place in my heart, no matter what. Andy can be my friend to the end, Hidey Ho!

2. Carlos Rodriguez (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)

Now, what can I say about Carlos that I haven't said already? I don't really think there truly is anything new I can add, so I guess I'm gonna be redundant! Carlos has been a big comfort character for me ever since I was in late elementary school. Yes I'm aware I said I first watched Freddy's Dead in middle school, but my sense of time is clearly non-existent because I first watched it in the 6th grade, however I did rewatch Freddy's dead for the second time in middle school. That's probably what my brain has been remembering all this time. I also used to look up every little bit of info on Carlos I could on my grandma's old dinosaur computer, like I'm talking the ones that were big and clunky and had their own separate computer towers, and on DIAL-UP INTERNET. I guess you could say I was THAT hyper-fixated on Freddy's Dead content. Another fun fact, I used to think that Carlos was so fashionable lmao. Like, I wanted to have Carlos's wardrobe because I thought that having a hoodie under a jean jacket on top of a black muscle shirt was peak fashion. He's also the reason I wanted to own only Converse for the longest time.

3. Spencer Lewis (Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare)

(Small Disclaimer: I'm gonna be using he/him pronouns for Spencer here because he is canonically a cis male. Also, I will only be referencing my Spencer's got ADHD headcanon for him here because it is relevant). Oh Spencer. Spencer, Spencer, Spencer. Where do I even begin with you? Well, let me first establish that, like Carlos, Spencer has also been a character that my brain refuses to let go of since late elementary - early middle school. Spencer didn't really join my comfort character roster until I was well into high school, however. See, what made Spencer join that camp was the fact that I could see my younger siblings in him, who both have ADHD. My younger brother specifically also has a hyper-fixation on video games and is an actual string bean, so he has also been my main point of reference on how I portray Spencer's ADHD, with my sister's former knack of not taking shit from bullshit authority figures leaking into the portrayal too. Did I also mention that Spencer and I both have fathers that were borderline absent/meddle in our lives when they by all accounts had no right to due to how they basically abandoned us in all the ways that counted? Yeah that's a thing too. I think Spencer has transcended the label of comfort character, and has made a home in the trauma dump character category. Holy shit Spencer I am so sorry babes.

4. Crybaby (Melanie Martinez)

Crybaby as a character was someone I could relate to on an emotional level. I was saying for many years that my dysfunctional family almost fit Dollhouse to A FUCKING TEE! I also related the song Crybaby because I too was a very emotional little girl who got made fun and taken advantage of for it. I related to all of Crybaby's failed attempts at love in songs such as Carousel, Soap, and Training Wheels. Out of all my muses, Crybaby is the most like me because I already related to her long before I would even take her up as a muse. If Spencer was my trauma dump character, then Crybaby was my trauma incarnate. She also became my sense of empowerment, because she owned her emotions and empathy, and didn't let those who refused to understand her suppress her.

5. Major Theodore "Ted" Lockwood (Creepshow 2019 Shudder series)

Finally, we have Major Theodore Lockwood, or Ted as he's mostly referred to in The Right Snuff. Ted is, at least in terms of the other characters listed here, a very recent edition to my comfort character list. Also yes, I literally mean he's a comfort character. When I was recently super stressed out over RL things I had no control over, I just popped in Creepshow season two in my DVD player and put The Right Snuff on, just to see Ted's smiling face. I felt better almost instantly. Sometimes, when it's just me alone with my thoughts, Ted's voice just pops into my head to tell me that it's okay. That my stress and my responses to it are valid and make me human... Ted is easily my emotional support fictional character. Beyond all of that stuff, Ted Lockwood is also just my autistic experiences and traits incarnate. We're both nice to everyone, including people who probably don't deserve it. He and I both miss social cues a lot, and we can't read a room sometimes to save our damn lives (quite literally in Ted's case). We both have our own special interests, his is are centered in the sciences and mine is are centered around the arts. He and I both also have a heightened sense of empathy, like Ted could immediately tell that Alex was miffed about not being the one to meet the Gorangi, despite Alex's best attempts to hide his envy and disappointment. I tend to absorb others' emotions like a damn sponge, much to my annoyance. We both also have this strange inability to truly express anger, like neither of us really shout or get angry looks on our faces. We both just raise our voices a little and overenunciate words to get our point across. I know that it can be seen as tacky, and in certain cases disrespectful, to armchair diagnose a fictional character with a mental/physical disorder or illness, especially if said character is technically not human. However, I'm not just some neurotypical person doing it in order to dehumanize an entire group of people, I am an autistic woman who truly saw herself and her autistic traits in a fictional character that brings her legitimate comfort. It may not be officially canon, but it's canon to me and my interpretation of Ted. Plus, up until the ending, you don't really know that [SPOILER ALERT: Ted's a member of the Gorangi, the alien race he was supposed to make contact with.]

Tagged by: @trashcollected

Tagging: @depictedmorada

@kurtzbergsiblings

@scribedhorror

@popularmxnster

@depictedblue

[leilani-lover]

So listen here you little fuckers.

Welcome to another option of mine. Or rant. Or ramble. Whatever you fucking want to call it.

So as you know, women get rap3d. It's a serious fucking problem. They can't go outside without fearing to be kidnapped, used, abus3d and torn apart. Come on. We all know it's not all people. And i say people, because anybody can get rap3d. Men get rap3d too. It's truly a big problem. Like, come on. Once you get rap3d. You'll have trauma for the rest of your life, you'll be too scared to be around certain type of people or anybody at all. You might off yourself, because of it.

Mother's teach their 7 year old daughters to be careful of men. To not talk to them, to run away, scream, yell for help if they come near. The children won't understand it then, but if someone does come there and rap3d them, they'll understand. And fucking imagine you motherfuckers. Fucking imagine. Being 7. And being forced in s3xual intercourse which could go to fucking pregnancy. 7. Fucking. Year. Old.

If pregnancy is one of the most painful things human can go through. Men ofc don't know how much it fucking hurts (unless trans), but just imagine it. Your body being twice your size and shoving a living fucking child out of there. Which is about 19-20 inches (49-50 cm) big and around 18.5-20.9 inches (47-53 cm) in length. Usually weights around 5 pounds, 8 ounces (2,500 grams) and 8 pounds, 13 ounces (4,000 grams). Imagine growing that in your body. And then pushing it out through the same hole you put your dirty fucking d!ck in.

And because abortion is seen as fucking murder. Then what? 7 year old is now a parent because some fucking asshole couldn't keep himself as fucking adult and decided to become a goddamn monster. If i see someone fücking a child, I'm not only calling the police, no. I'm taking whatever i have with me and i will fucking show them what happens when you try to traumatize someone for lifetime. I will show exactly what they deserve. To go to hell.

But. Men get rap3d too. And it isn't just women and children, it's everyone. Nobody has choice. It isn't just from the clothes. They take someone. They take a victim. And that victim will be hurt. They won't enjoy it. Stop trying to shut men out. Yes they rap3, but they also get rap3d. Woman rap3, they get rap3d too.

It's not the clothes. No. The victim doesn't enjoy it. They victim didn't deserve it. The victim Did NOT ask for it. I repeat. They did not FUCKING ask for it, bitch. They don't look at the age of the victim. They just take, rap3 and go.

Some people lose their ability to be pregnant because of them! Some lose the ability to be around that gender completely. Some get intense and bad anxiety from it. A fucking phobia of gender or s3x.

PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP BEING DISGUSTING, WEIRD AND A MONSTER AND STOP RAP3 COMPLETELY. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR THIS. WE CAN'T JUST FUCKING CONTINUE LIKE THIS FOREVER.

I'm done taking this bullshit. And i want to spread awareness of this. And taking it the fact that nobody does anything to this. I might just do something myself. Bitches...

Please just consider it a bit before doing anything. I mean, it seems like nobody cares about rap3 until it come to your own family or friends or yourself...it ISN'T FUCKING OKAY YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, KNOCK IT IN YOUR FUCKING BRAIN ALREADY OR I FUCKING WILL.

[singleroad]

Hello! SMBC journey starts here

This is my introduction post because... this will be a long journey that will take a few years, but it involves a lot of introspection, choices, and stops along the way.

Short facts:

I'm 30 years old (1992)

Chronically single and queer

A librarian

Planning on TTC in 2026

Primarily want to do IUI but might do IVF

Doing ID-release donor

Longer story

My name is Rebecca, and I'm a 30 year old Swede who realized a long time ago that the only way I wanted to have a child was doing it on my own. There's a lot of reasons why I came to this conclusion was that I never came across anyone that I both felt that I wanted to spend my life with and shared my central ideologies and thoughts on child rearing.

Then, a few years later, I realized that I'm aromantic and asexual (closer to demisexual but not quite)... and that put a damper on things. I realized that the partner I would want was a unicorn! There's a laundry list of things in a partner that would make me feel comfortable with them, and then to have some form of attraction to (which is complicated as an aroace person bc once in a blue moon it kind of happens?) plus all these other things. Through so many dating apps and trying, and introspection of the fact that I am probably not an ideal partner for anyone either. If it happens, it happens, I just doubt it.

After this I spent a few years working with myself. I wanted to be sure I wanted children, if I would be okay with a life without children, how to bring a child to the world in the most ethical way, and how to go about it realistically. I had doubts, because I developed chronic migraines, I had a severe burnout, and was diagnosed with ADHD and autism earlier this year. At first when I was diagnosed I thought becoming a mom was off the table, but after working on myself and finding resources that will work for me, I know I can do it, and I can make these thinsg my strengths. Except the chronic migraines, but I have a very good treatment for that right now and am down to 2-4 migraines a month which is amazing, and I'm trying new medications to get the best combo.

Finally, I decided that this is what I want to do. I had this idea that when I was 33 I would go through it, because 33 seemed like this perfect age. As I'm nearing 31, though, this timeline seems a bit tight. I'm just now graduating, with my second degree, as a librarian, and I'm starting my career in august with severe debt and a horrible credit score. So, you know, need to work on that to provide a stable home for a child. I also need to move to a bigger place.

There's quite a few things I can do prior to all this. I'm building financial and housing security, I'm working on myself and creating healthy and mind boosting routines which will enable me to provide a good mom to my child. There's a lot to work on here, because there always is.

I'm listening to donor concieved children and adopted children and their experiences and desires in all of this. I am aware that there are plenty of donor concieved children who are against what I'm doing, and I do appreciate them, I cannot assume what my future child will/would think about it. I am doing this research because I want to meet the needs my child may have.

I'm doing research on evidence based child rearing, child psychology/physiology and how to best support them through different developmental phases. At some point I will also decide on media policy, which is the thing I'm most undecided on (I'm leaning towards yes pictures on closed social media with curated and known followers and pictures that take the child's current and future dignity in mind, and maybe non-face pictures on open social media after 8 weeks - before 8 weeks all babies basically look the same). So much to think about!

Then finally, financial and housing, as I've touched on before. I have a plan to get mostly debt free before I start the process. My current apartment is small, and I could live in it until the child reaches about 3, but ideally I'd already be living in a bigger place by this point.

The practical

So uh... what am I doing?

I'm planning on doing an IUI with a donor where the ID will be released when the child is 18 (and I'm going to offer to pay for all the DNA services available if that is what my child would want).

There's a few questions I have prior to this about my fertility. This month I'm going to be removing my IUD (if all goes well) and test to see how I do without it. In the autumn I'm going to take a few months to track my cycles with ovulation strips to see if I'm ovulating regularly or not. Then I'm booking an appointment to check my ovarian ducts and to see about my fertility levels like ovarian reserves etc.

I want to know that an IUI is a good choice for me because the pregnancy rate isn't very high, and I have endometriosis. IUI is cheaper, but if I have to spend many cycles going through it... it will get more expensive than IVF. So, I want to go through this as soon as possible so if I need to I can do an egg retrieval before I get "too old". There are more complications as you age, as everyone knows, and doing an egg retrieval earlier may mitigate things like chromosomal abnormalities.

While I know my family is very fertile, this is not a guarantee that I am. Prior gynecological exams have shown that I do have healthy ovaries so... but information is good, IMO.

IUI for my profile, as I know it, has a success rate of up to 15-20% (and after about 3 tries you go to IVF anyway where I'm looking), the higher end being assisted cycles with hormones. IUI does have an increased risk of twins/multiples and this... is not what I'd want. If it happens it does, but there's so many risks and it's way more difficult. IVF has a roughly 50% success rate if you have no known problems, so getting pregnant within 3 tries is highly likely.

3 cyles of IVF excluding donor sperm and medication is €6400

3 cycles of IUI excluding donor sperm and potential medication is €2400

The bonus of IVF: one retrieval round and one donor sample, but each IUI you have to buy donor sperm which can range from €800 to €3000 (highest I've seen), and with IUI you need the more expensive sample (higher sperm count and better motility) whereas with IVF you can get the lower rated. However, there's more medications that can increase the costs of IVF, and possible complications to both me and the fetus (IVF conception for some reason increases risks like heart defects).

This is why you have to take time to decide.

Long story short: this is the start of a multi year process, and this is my journey there

[blazingauraheartworld]

:> haaaai haaaaai hello Haaaai I had a bad day at work so if you don't want to see it, I'll keep it under a read more ^_^. I mean it! I try to keep most things separate and chill on here but it's been one of those days!! Okay!

Last chance!!!

Ok.

If you're going to a public place you should have your ID. I couldn't care less if you're five minutes walking distance from your house you best be carrying it on you. I'm so fucking tired of grown ass men crying and shitting their pants because they can't buy a five year old call of duty game cause they didn't bring it in.

"I have a beard 🙄" no fucking shit I can smell it from the door but I have to check everyone now cause if I just so happen to sell it to a secret shopper and I don't check I Lose My Job Immediately.

There is Zero tolerance cause too many old looking teens come in, they look "old enough" and some Mom comes in with the wrath of God on her side looking to get everyone fired. It's so no dumbass politician starts [another] war on video games corrupting the youth or some shit cause we're letting Little Timmy's play GOW without looking. Altho if I can be perfectly honest??? The former scares me more. I have to pull horses through a fucking scalding hot desert every day to get parents to consider not buying their kid gta 5 when the kid is 8 Years Young "oh they've seen worse oh, they already play it over a friend's house. Oh, I don't care, it's a gift." But the moment I let some 16 year old brat to buy it without a parent then I'm the One trying to harm their child. Oh, why didn't you tell me it had BOOBA in it?! They can participate in torture scenes but Lord Forbid they catch a glimpse of a tiddy! Also BTW they Do take those false claims seriously so I'd rather know 200% I tell every parent about as much content as I'm aware of so when I do have to defend myself there is no question on if I do my job right.

I can fucking see that you're old. Idc what another store is doing or if the Wal-mart employee isn't checking IDs You Are Here With Me and if you don't take the shit out you will get Jack. Also BTW Walmart changed it so employees have to put at least the year now and can't skip it like they used to so you're just wrong. But that's not news!

Why did you drive to the store. Without an ID. God Forbid you get pulled over. "uwu sorry sir I needed my fill of Fifa and the new modern warfare so I was speeding a little. But the girl didn't need my ID so you're cool too, right?? I live nearby -"

Ill fucking accept the paper Id's. The electronic ones work too. Your damn passport will be fine long as the year is present. You got a picture? Long as the face and dob matches then I do not care how it happens. You can borrow a buddy's card if you need to. No, you can't have a random customer use their ID. Yes, it's cheating the system cause unless your mom raises from the grave, it is now the Guardian's responsibility to present ID and I may then go over the ratings with them. No sir, the magnum condom for your wrinkled shlong does not count as a replacement ID. No sir, according to your purchase history you have not shopped with us in 3 years so you are not a "regular and can let it slip this time." We ID our regulars too. Our actual regulars know to take it out before we ask. If we do not know each other on a name to name basis then I do not know you like that to trust you to not rat me the fuck out to the rating cops

I understand forgetting but having a piss fest at the EMPLOYEE DOING THEIR JOB CAUSE YOU FORGOT makes You A Dick. Blows my fucking mind too when it's the same fucking dude too like you think cause it's someone different at the counter we won't ask??? Instead of changing your behavior you're going to keep walking in like the esrb doesn't even maaaaaater the rule is the saaqame bruh.

"I'm old enough and I don't want to take it out." OK. OK. So I'm not selling the game. An actual adult would learn to grow a fucking pair but clearly you skipped past that part of being a Decent fucking Person. You think I give a shit about your money???? About your Future Business? You could fuck off for the rest of time and it would not be Missed. Call corporate on me for doing my fucking job???? They can't tell me to not check IDs or make exceptions when That's The Whole Fucking Thing the Secret Shoppers are looking for. The moment I slip, that's it. And also BTW can't be hired ever again once it happens! So I'd rather lose out on a sale of 12.78 for a dying franchise > Paying My Fucking Bills.

"it used to be like x" yeah and then corporate came down from their mighty throne and changed the policy. Surprise! The rules change over time! Get enough threat of a Fine and any company would scramble to make sure the most untrained seasonal know at Least That Rule.

Gargle my fucking nuts .

[yourmidnightlover]

rock

Summary - spencer wants to figure out what's wrong with you, only to be reminded what day it is and he remembers why you've been so distant.

TW: talk abt: rape, recovery, therapy, case stuff; mention of: drug addiction, rape, miscarriage, being shot, death lol

WC - 4,283

!DISCLAIMER! - i am in no way trying to romanticize recovery from a traumatic event or being upset/depressed/anxious. this is kinda my way of getting through my own issues, so please don't think that's what i'm trying to do in any way. i also don’t know how i feel abt this ending since i wrote it so long ago but oh well!

i just realized there are a few spoilers so i'll put *asterisks* around them. those parts are just explaining how the reader's always there for the team.

----------------------------------

you had always been the rock in spencer's life.

mentally, at least.

when he had nobody there for him when he was going through his addiction with dilaudid, there you were. you helped him through it when everybody else on the team acted as if they never noticed.

you were the one that encouraged him to get help, and pushed him to follow through. you made sure he ate and talked to someone when he had his urges again, even if it wasn't you.

you let him come over and cry about what had happened, and how unfair his life was. you consoled him and would tell him how nothing was his fault. how he didn't deserve anything bad in his life.

*and when emily 'died', he went to your house every day. you held him as he felt himself falling apart from losing her. you didn't even worry about yourself needing to be consoled, because spencer needed you to be there for him.

*when she came back you were the one to convince him to forgive her. you talked sense into him. you reminded him how much he pleaded to have her back, and then he did. so he managed to forgive her... because of you and your logic.

*and you weren't just there for spencer. while, yes, you made a special effort to be there for him, you were there for everyone on the team.

*when derek was arrested back in chicago and the team found out about his past, you were the one he leaned on for comfort. you and penelope. you let him cry on your shoulder and yell at you about how twisted a man would have to be to do something so cruel to a child.

*when jj was kidnapped and beaten to a miscarriage, you were the first she told. you didn't say anything. you knew there was nothing you could say that would relinquish the pain of losing a child. so you let her cry. you let her hug you for what felt like hours. you let her grief her unborn baby for as long as she needed.

*when penelope was shot, nobody cared to check up on her after the fact except you. you went to her apartment for weeks just to make sure she was okay. eventually, she was able to let loose all of her frustrations on you, and you took it like a champ. she ranted about how she just wanted to be loved by someone attractive and how unfair and cruel the world is, in spite of how much good she tries to bring into it.

*when hotch lost hailey, you took care of his files. you offered to watch henry and let hotch cry to you about losing her a few times once you broke past his tough exterior. you even cried with him and jack. you made them dinner whenever you could, and helped him look for good nannies to help care for jack.

*when rossi lost carolyn, you went to her grave with him on many occasions. you brought him his favorite scotch, which was very pricey, and his favorite cigars, also very pricey, and tried your best to recreate 'the rossi special' upon his directions. it helped him feel in control of something when he needed it.

*and when emily came back from the dead, you helped walk her through her own grief. she lost herself, and buried her emotions. you helped her dig up her old self, and grow into an even better woman. you even took care of her cat when penelope couldn't manage. you helped emily grieve her own death when she wanted to deny it ever happened, and she was forever grateful for you.*

you had become like the team's built-in therapist when something bad happened, and you loved it that way. you loved being the one the team went to when they needed it. it made you feel as though you had a purpose, which was something you desperately needed.

but when you went through your own trauma almost a year ago, you refused help from anyone. you knew you should've asked someone for help, or at least someone to cry or talk to when you needed to.

the team had been working on a case for longer than expected, 8 days now, and everyone was really frustrated. you had released the profile 7 days ago, and there was still no new information. it was as if the unsub had gone dormant, and you all couldn't bear that thought.

when the team released earlier than normal from the precinct and you all went to the hotel you had been staying at, you decided to get a drink from the bar quickly. you went alone, wanting to review a few of the case files during the process and not needing a distraction.

you ordered a jack and coke, and opened the case files to begin rereading them, seeing if you had missed anything.

victims were kept for 24 hours, filmed, raped, restrained, cut in pieces, and thrown in the trash like garbage. it was absolutely disgusting, and the worst you had seen in a while. the victims were low-risk and most of them had a place of authority.

the unsub had been profiled to be someone who was bossed around by a woman, narcissistic and egotistical, wanted to feel more power and authority.

the problem is, that profile was most people living in the area. even penelope couldn't dwindle down the suspects.

and alas, you had missed nothing. nothing new appeared or caught your eye. you gulped down the rest of your drink and paid for it before packing up your things to head upstairs. you tossed the file back into your bag and began the trek to the elevator.

you were interrupted by something hitting the top of your head, rendering you unconscious.

the team had woken up, and after waiting around for half an hour, spencer realized something was wrong. he had morgan bust into your room, only to find the bed unslept in. you were missing. and the worst part... you fit the unsubs type.

spencer felt his heart drop at the realization he had taken you. and it seemed as though there was no trail as to where you had gone. penelope checked the cameras, only to find that they were hacked right after you left the bar, and then they resumed after you were taken.

at least they had a time frame.

later that day, after everyone hasting to figure something, anything out, spencer had gotten an email. he opened it and expected it to be relentless spam, only to realize it was a live feed video. a video of you. he instantly called penelope in hopes that she could trace it.

she said she could, but it would take some time because the amount of routers it had been going through.

while they were waiting, you noticed you were alone. you knew who the unsub was too, thanks to his baffling stupidity and narcissism that lead him to believe he wouldn't get caught.

"officer johnson! it's officer johnson!" you looked around the camera for a second, noticing something moving. "he-he here," you cried out. "i love you," you said to the camera to nobody in particular, but someone in mind.

you were terrified. spencer could see it in your eyes. he could see the tears you tried not to shed. you didn't want to please him, but you couldn't help but feel the absolute horror and fear coursing through your body at a relentless pace.

"hi there, missus fbi," he teased, finally walking into the frame with a ski mask over his face, clearly not aware that we knew his identity.

spencer told garcia who he was, and she began her digging. officer johnson's great grandparents had owned a farm that was since then refurbished. it was an hour away.

officer johnson had known that you two had chemistry. that's why he sent the email to spencer. he saw the longing glares, the 'innocent' touches, the smiles you would give each other, the longing looks you shared. he wanted to torment him.

so when he began undressing you and you turned your face away from the camera in hopes of sparing some of your own dignity, spencer felt his heart breaking for you. it broke even more when he heard the yelps, and screams, and please, and "no!'s" you elicited during the act.

they caught him before he cut you, but not before he finished the first part of his plan. your skirt was ripped, and your shirt was practically in two pieces. spencer had given you his jacket to cover yourself as much as you could.

you stayed silent the ride back. you didn't even let spencer hold you like you normally would after a tough case. you were ashamed. embarrassed. you felt worthless. you felt pathetic. you felt stupid. you felt helpless. you felt like you were drowning. you felt like you were without a life raft.

you knew you could talk to the team about it, but you felt so disgusted by the thought of what happened to you that you only talked about it in your therapy sessions.

hotch had given you two months off. he wanted you to grieve, and go to therapy, and try to cope with everything that had happened.

and you did try to do that. you tried your hardest to get over it and move past it, but nothing helped. not the journaling. not the talking. not the crying. nothing was working.

spencer gave you a little space at first, but he then decided to try to help you as you had helped him. he went over to your house almost every day, and sat outside your door after you wouldn't let him in.

you knew he was there... you sat on the other side.

"i-i know that you probably don't want to see anyone right now. and i'm uh, i'm sure you feel alone right now, or like you can't talk to anyone," spencer sniffled. "but pl-please just uhm, just know that i'm here when you want to talk about it. i'm here to listen to you when you need me to. i-i don't want you to be alone during this time, y/n. please, just let me in," he begged.

that was normally what he would say almost every night he went to your house. he would sit outside for hours after he would ask you to let him in without fail. until one day you let him in.

spencer felt so much relief when you opened the door, only for it to be smashed when he noticed your eyes looked red and puffy, your cheeks were stained with the tears you had been crying for so long. your cheeks were sunken in, and there were dark circles underneath your eyes that were once full of life and happiness. your eyes no longer had that gorgeous sparkle in them.

spencer vowed he would get them back.

as much as spencer wanted to wrap his arms around you in that moment, to comfort you and tell you that he was there, he wanted you to make the first move. he wanted to tell you how strong you were and how proud of you he was for getting through that. he wanted to tell you how much he loved you.

he wanted you to make the first touch, because he didn't want to further upset you. he didn't want to trigger a repressed memory, or bring back the feelings of what had happened.

but spencer's touch was nothing like the officer's. spencer's touch was soft and gentle. spencer's touch was feather-light and endearing. spencer's touch was love and home. the officer's was brittle, and rough, and repulsive.

"hug me?" you sniffled as your eyes welled with tears again as they had been for the past three weeks.

"of course," spencer slowly wrapped his arms around your shoulders as yours found his torso.

he walked inside with you still in his arms and slowly shut the door. without breaking from the hug, you both walked to the couch and sat down.

you didn't say anything. you just needed spencer to keep hugging you, so he did. he did whatever you wanted, needed, from him. eventually, you fell asleep in his embrace on the couch.

when spencer looked down at you, now sleeping against his chest, he couldn't bring his heart to remove himself from you. so like any whipped man would do, he carefully picked you up bridal styled and carried you to your room. he took his shoes off as well as his sweater vest before cuddling back up next to you.

as if it was a reflex, you cuddled up into his chest when he neared you again and got underneath the covers. spencer slept the best he did in months with you. and you slept without officer johnson in your dreams for the first time since that day.

ever since then, spencer had been making sure you were eating and drinking. he took you to your therapy sessions and stayed over most nights you had asked and he was able to.

they had a few cases during the two months, so every moment he could, spencer was with you. he coaxed you back to your normal-ish self. he watched as that glimmer in your eye began to slowly grow brighter everyday. he watched as your smile came back, and your tears didn't come so frequently.

the first time he had heard you laugh again, spencer had thought he was dreaming. he wished he had recorded that moment. he was more grateful than he's ever been in his life that he had an eidetic memory, because that sound would forever be engraved in his brain.

when you returned to work, you clung to spencer. he had become your tether to reality, and hope. he had become your rock during the recovery.

over the months, everyone slowly began to forget what had even happened. things went on as usual, and the team forgot the traumatic experience you had gone through. even spencer might've let the experience get lost in his brain.

so when it became 11 months and 3 weeks since the abduction, you began to distance yourself once again.

you politely declined going out with the team a couple days before the anniversary, something you never did. you insisted that you were just especially worn out from the case you had just been on.

spencer had to finish files given to him by derek anyway, so he didn't get to witness the encounter.

once the day of the anniversary came upon you, you found yourself feeling sick to your stomach. you couldn't help the tears that would fall from your face every so often. you knew why you felt this way, but you wanted to push past it.

you had gone into the office wearing a pantsuit and blazer, wanting to avoid the normal office skirt you happened to be wearing the day it happened. you stayed at your desk and quietly did your case files. you didn't even greet spencer as you would every day. you gave him a kind smile, but you would normally give him a hug, or at the very least an eager wave upon his arrival.

spencer just assumed it was one of those days where you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it wasn't spencer's fault he thought this. he didn't even look at his calendar to check what day it was. he just knew they had paperwork.

but he did have this day marked in his calendar. he had it marked so he would remember to be extra kind to you, and do your files for you, and come to your place with your favorite wine and takeout. he wanted to help you through the one year anniversary, but he forgot to check his stupid calendar.

you thought he didn't care. you thought the man who you loved, and the man who helped you through everything that had happened had had enough of your complaining and grievances. so, you didn't tell him about it. you didn't bother him with the terrible thoughts clouding your mind because you thought it'd burden him.

so when you finished all of your case files early, you asked hotch if you could leave early, at 2:00, because you had things to tend to. he allowed you to do so, but this rose a flag for spencer.

he saw you exit without saying goodbye to him, something you hadn't done the entirety of knowing him. you had always told everyone to have a nice night and to be safe before leaving, but not today.

finally, he looked at his phone for the first time all day, only to feel like the worst person in the world to realize what day it was. spencer felt absolutely horrible at this revelation and ran into hotch's office as quick as he could after packing his things.

"hotch!" he exclaimed upon opening his office door.

"go. she was practically in tears," hotch informed him. "and reid," spencer stopped in his tracks to turn and look at the stern man, "please make sure she's okay." spencer gave him a soft grin and a nod before turning around and bolting out of the office.

you had gotten home and immediately burst into tears. you shut the door with your back, and slid down it. you had never understood why people had done that in movies until now. you just couldn't wait to break any longer, so you settled for your front door.

you held back no wail, or scream as you cried in front of your door, your knees pulled up to your chest as you held them tightly.

you wondered why you had to go through that. you wanted to know what kind of karma there was for someone who had always tried to do the right thing to be hurt... and for nobody to even care. nobody wanted to console you, or to make sure you were alright.

you had checked up on everyone on every anniversary of their struggles. whether it be a death, abduction, anything, you had been there for every single anniversary or reminder. and nobody was there for you.

nobody was there for you to hug, or to lean on, or to cry to, or to scream at, or to rant to. nobody was there. nobody loved you enough to care about that.

but then you had to remind yourself that they all had lives.

but the person who is your life didn't even care.

spencer didn't care.

and that's why you truly lost it.

he acted like it was just another day. he acted like it wasn't the anniversary of the day you thought you were going to die. the day you wanted to die. the day you felt your most low, and humiliated. the day you lost all hope. and he didn't remember.

if the man with an eidetic memory didn't remember, it must be extremely insignificant. so therefore, you must be extremely insignificant.

spencer raced to your house. he wanted to be there for you today, and he failed. he felt like a failure as a friend. he hated himself for not being there for you when he knew you would need him. he knew how you clung to him in your time of need. you thought he was worthy enough to hold onto when you needed someone, and spencer felt elated at that.

but now he wasn't there for you. and you needed him.

he had quickly stopped by the store and your favorite takeout place to get the things you'd want. he got your wine, chocolate, food, flowers, and a teddy bear that had a sweater vest on him - you've always loved his sweater vests.

when he got to the steps of your house, he felt his heart drop. as he walked closer he heard the wails of your crying right by the door. he could sense the heartache from the edge of your porch, and felt himself feel even worse, which he didn't think was possible.

he instantly ran to the door and knocked profusely. you sniffled one last time, feeling embarrassed that someone had heard you crying your heart out. you had figured one of your neighbors heard you and wanted to tell you to keep it down, so you wiped your tears and the stray mascara from underneath your eyes and opened the door, keeping your eyes lowered in embarrassment.

"y/n," spencer announced sadly, a tear falling down his face. you looked up in confusion from hearing his voice. you noticed his tear and reached up to wipe it away on instinct.

"why're you crying? are you okay?" you asked, forgetting all of your own problems at the sight of spencer crying. spencer let out a small chuckle at your concern.

"i'm alright, aside from the fact that i'm a terrible friend," he admitted as his smile quickly faded upon seeing your stained cheeks. "i brought your favorites," he offered, holding the bag of goodies in one hand and the takeout in another.

"y-you... why?" you asked, wanting to make sure you weren't misreading the situation for him trying to comfort you.

"why?" he asked in disbelief. "because it's the anniversary. i can't tell you how sorry i am, y/n. i swear i marked it on my calendar and planned for us to take off so i could take care of you. i-i just woke up late and never bothered to even check my phone. i kn-know it's no excuse... but i am so, so, so sorry," he rambled out, already tearing up.

you grabbed his arm gently and pulled him inside before you started crying in front of your neighbors. you took the bags from his hands and placed them on your coffee table.

"i thought you just didn't care," you shrugged as you took a seat on the couch, prompting him to sit beside you.

"y/n..." he sighed as he realized how terrible he screwed up. "i will always care about this. i will always care about you. don't ever think differently. i'm just incredibly... dumb sometimes. i can't believe i made you think that," he trailed on. "i will never not care about you, y/n. i swear it. i will always, always care about you. i will always love you," he froze as he realized what he just revealed. your eyes widened, and squinted, and roamed his face, trying to figure out if he meant the words he had just sped out. "i truly do, y/n. i i’m in love with you and i'm so sorry i made it seem otherwise."

it took you a second to absorb everything that he had said.

"you too," you solemnly admitted. "i’m in love with you too. and i could forgive you... for almost forgetting," you gave him a small smile.

"i'm glad you could forgive me. i don't know what i'd do if you didn't," he relished. "you actually love me?" you nodded with a small smile.

"i have for a while," you turned your head to the bags on the table.

"oh! right!" he said, reaching for the gifts. "i got your favorite takeout, your favorite wine, your favorite chocolates, flowers, and..." he trailed on as he revealed each item. "i saw this teddy, and i couldn't resist," he smiled.

you took the bear, taking in its appearance. it had a light blue, navy, and white diamond pattern sweater vest and brown shoes on. it looked like spencer, just teddy bear form. you smiled widely at the sentiment.

"it's you," you grinned as you took it in your arms, hugging it tightly as you saw spencer nodded with a smile mirroring that of your own. "i love it," you chuckled.

"i would understand, the fur is really soft," he relished in the thought.

"i don't think he'd be as good of a cuddler as the real thing, though," you grimaced. "but he'll do for when i don't have you here i guess," you shrugged with a smile.

"i plan on being here as long as you'll let me," he said softly.

"always," you grinned, setting down the teddy bear and trading him for the real spencer reid.

"always," he repeated, taking you in his arms and squeezing you tightly as if you'd float away at any moment. "now let's dig into this food while you talk about your feelings, if you want that is," he said after releasing you from the hug.

"i think i want to," you nodded. "and spence?" he turned from getting the food out of the bag to look at you for a second. "thank you for being my rock through all of this."

"i'll always be your rock, y/n."

@averyhotchner  @greenprisca  @muffin-cup

[buckybarnesdiaries]

bucky barnes x reader. masterlist.

part 1 — part 2 (soon)

a / n. this is a series of 15 mini-drabbles to celebrate the 500 followers' milestone, based on one word for each story. this first part contains 8, and the next one contains 7. it was supposed to be posted one story per day, but by that way, it'd take me to last an eternity to post other works / requests.

words. 1.533.

warning, tags. none, just a bunch of fluffy and cute situations with bucky.

join my tag list.

necklace;

It was the first time since you started to date that Bucky had to leave for a mission. Neither of the two of you knew when he'd be back, and that got you worried than ever. You were conscious of what he did for a living when you met him, but you couldn't help but feel scared. Next to the front door of your apartment, Bucky left his backpack on the floor, leaning to cup your cheeks on his palms and kiss your lips tortuously slow.

“I'll be okay, (Y/N)”. He murmured keeping his eyes closed.

“You better”.

Your hidden threat made him giggle. The soldier felt goosebumps bristling his skin as your fingertips toured his neck blindly, just to put in place the chain of his necklace. But soon, Bucky stopped your moves to take it off from him and place his dog tags on you.

“I'll come back for them”. He promised, fixing his pale blue orbs on yours, holding your hands to bring them to his lips and place fond kisses on every knuckle of both. “I love you, don' forget it, okay?”

“I won't... How could I, Buck?”

eclipsed;

Bucky was sweating, still not believing he was about to get married to the love of his life. He was on the altar, waiting for you and surrounded by all of your friends in common. Steve had had to help him with a panic attack he had suffered while dressing up, thinking that maybe you could change your opinion at the last moment. He couldn't blame you. But all those doubts vanished at the second you crossed the huge, heavy doors of the church. Your beauty eclipsed him, wearing a white lace wedding dress and seeming like you floated over the floor. Just like an angel.

His heart jumped. His oceanic eyes got covered in tears. A giggle escaped his lips, stretching a hand towards you, still praying it's not a dream. And you noticed the tension and the nervousness running his veins, leaning forward to kiss his cheek with all the love you felt for your future husband.

“Can't wait to say yes”. You whispered into his ear, causing Bucky to lace his arms around you and embrace you tight and tenderly. “I love you, James, from now and forever”.

sunset;

After his most recent nightmare and walking all grumpy from one side of another around your house, you decided to cheer him up only like you can do. With reluctance, you managed to get him out of your apartment and drag him to your car. Bucky was like a child, cross-armed, lips puckered and frowning annoyed. He tried to hide the fact that he had another nightmare to not worry you, but you weren't stupid.

Thinking that glimpsing the beach throughout the large front window would make him feel happier, your boyfriend just reclined himself on the seat, causing you to roll your eyes. That mood changed as soon as Bucky was sitting on the sand, between your legs, tho. His back was resting against your chest and his neck was wrapped by one of your arms, watching fascinated the sunset on the horizon. He wouldn't recognize it, but he felt much better hearing the waves crashing into the shore, while you stroked his scalp tenderly using the tip of your nails.

“You're welcome, grumpy mummy”.

clingy;

You didn't want to drink, but Sam and Sarah wanted to celebrate that the family business was picking up. On another occasion, you wouldn't mind, but Bucky was there. So, when everything started to spin around, you lead your clumsy steps to the edge of the harbor, having a sit there and let the soft breeze help you.

“Stop”. You heard from behind.

“Uh?”

“You're stealing my antisocial personality”. Bucky chuckled, taking a seat by your side. “What's up? Why are you here all alone?”

“Truth or lie?” You asked tilting your head towards him, raising both eyebrows.

“Truth”. He scoffed as if it wasn't obvious.

“I'm too clingy when I'm drunk”.

“Can't see the problem there”.

You chuckled, shaking your head inevitably, causing him to pucker his lips with a funny grimace.

“What?”

“Tru—”.

“Truth”.

“I've been all night wanting to rub your beard”.

Bucky exploded in loud laughter, not believing your words until you put your hands on his jawline. “God... It's so soft”.

His laughs increased, causing you to burn in shame. “No more drinks for you, ma'am...”

But the fact was that he turned to you, so it could be easy to caress his face.

safe;

Bucky was deadly tired on the sofa, warmly cuddled between your arms. A while ago, he stopped to pay attention to the movie, turning his back to the TV to hide his exhausted expression on your chest. You placed the cozy blanket over your bodies, making sure it covered both of you, being aware that tonight you'd sleep there. You felt sorry just at the thought of waking him up, seeing him peacefully breathing and his face more relaxed than the last few days.

Shutting off the TV and stretching an arm above your head, you turned off the small lamp on the auxiliary table close to the sofa, before getting comfier by Bucky's side. Your boyfriend purred delighted, still sleepy, as your fingers got tangled on his hair and started to scratch his scalp slowly, urging you somehow to place a leg over his waist, so he could settle between both a little more closely.

“Feel better?”

“I feel safe”. He replied in a low breath, to exhale the sweet scent concentrated on your neck.

“You're safe, James. You're at home”. Your calmed tone made him sigh, snuggling you strongly.

stay;

You snapped awake because of some knocks on the front door. Tossing the sheets to a side of the bed, you grabbed the gun under your pillow. It was stupidity. If somebody wanted to kill you, that would be the last thing they'd do: knock the door. You walked slowly, step by step, through the main hallway aiming to the door, more than ready to shoot your assailant.

“It's... Bucky”. You heard from the other side.

Sighing in relief and closing your eyes for a split second, you left the weapon on the dinner table in the living room. Not doubting on opening the door, you couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when you noticed the reddened mark around his left eye and cheek.

“Can I, uh... stay tonight with you?” Bucky inquired, licking his upper lip ashamed, bowing his eyes down to his boots covered in dust.

“C'mon, Sergeant”. You invited him to walk in, using such a sweet tone, while holding his cold hand.

He looked like shit but felt much better when his arms got wrapped around your waist and middle-back, hiding his face into your neck. Kicking the door shut, you embraced him tighter to your body.

notebook;

You were lying on the opposite side to Bucky on the sofa, but keeping your legs tangled. It was a rainy evening with nothing to do and you decided to start to read the book you bought last week. Your boyfriend was silently doing something in a notebook. Maybe writing memories, maybe doodling, you didn't know. But the third time you caught him staring at you, you had to ask.

“What?”

“Uh... nothing”. He whispered focused on the paper in front of his eyes.

“Whaaat?” You kicked his right leg with your bare foot causing him to chuckle.

“Nothing!” Bucky replied using the same playfully tone of voice.

Putting the book on the coffee table, you sat up to lie on top of him, cuddling between his legs and resting your head on his chest. Glancing to the sketch of yourself he was drawing, you raised your heart-eyes to his. It was such a piece of art. The drawing and Bucky. Both.

“I learned in Romania. It kept me sane sometimes”. He confessed, leaning to place a kiss on your forehead. “I want to remember you forever”.

marshmallow;

“Truth or dare?”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, leaning on the table just like you did, challenging him. He was trying to read your mind to figure out which were your intentions.

“Dare”. He answered firmly.

“Put twenty marshmallows in your mouth”.

The soldier stared at you in silence, watching him lick his inner cheek and push it with the tip of his tongue. He nodded his head then, grabbing the plastic bag without losing eye contact, to start to place —one by one— the sweets into his mouth. In less than thirty seconds, he looked like a squirrel with his cheek swollen. Bucky squinted at you again, triumphant.

“Hold on, I need to capture this moment”. You laughed, catching your phone to take a picture.

When the flash went off, he spitted a marshmallow like a shotgun. And you couldn't help but laugh.

“C'mon, Bu—”.

You didn't finish the sentence, being hit by another marshmallow slightly wet because of his saliva. Your grimace turned into a funny disgust, grabbing it back to throw it to his face.

“You're like a five years old in a body fos— STOP!” You ended up giggling as he spitted you the third one.

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[hezuart]

That anaversary aizen looks absolutely fabulous, he looks like a figure skater xd.

I heard along time ago the last arc of the anime was being animated finally bc they pulled a 90s sailor moon were the last season was not either animated or dubbed untill decades later.

I recall near the end of the current 366 episodes there was an episode were the creapy demon ppl woke up in hell and we're all bitter, and there was the other guy who was like, iM cOmEiNg FoR u IChIgO, but then is never mentioned again after and I'm like,why? Why is lt there just plopted randomly into a different arc that seams unrelated.

And locking aizen up underground seems ok, but It deff won't hold, and he will. Escape, and he will kill, you either need that one spell from star, dubbed, the darkest spell of moon the undaunted, a powerfull dark spell that killed immortal beings, that came from best character, eclipsa, the queen of darkness.

We need that.

Or stick him I'm crystal like eclipsa was in star. Is there no one who could trap him in ice or crystal for all eternity.

How about throw him into the centre of a volcano trapped and caged , forverr being killed by heat?

I assume there's space travel, send I'm into a black whole, were a black whole don't fuckin care if your immortal or fat, you will die

:3

Yes, I love anniversary Aizen. His original octopus-butterfly hollow design was ugly so I'm glad he's back to being the fashion icon he is.

Locking Aizen up underground once is one thing, doing it twice after saying he got more powerful by just sitting there, and he escaped to battle the Quincy Soul King God... is another. I think he should have escaped at the end of the Quincy arc. That is the only feasibility.

I heard the anime is coming back for the Quincy arc as well, but because of COVID its probably going to be delayed. (I'm not gonna watch it until the Rain section of the arc then I'm dipping out. I'm only here for Zangetsu)

and funny that you mention that hell scene in the manga :)

-> spoilers for the new BLEACH 73 page anniversary chapter / thoughts/critique on it

So hey you had a premonition! Syazel .... returned? And his hole is outside of his body??? for some reason???

(I didn't understand the explanation or why / how that happens and what that means for the hollow)

And my friend and I were laughing because out of ALL the things. Kubo could do in this anniversary. He gave Syazel his dick back after going to hell. That is iconic. (that's where his hole was located, and now that its not on his body ... well...) This is the funniest thing Kubo has EVER pulled. Kudos to you, sir.

The entire internet is freaking out over Ukitake being in hell. Honestly Kubo has done far worse, and we've established that Soul Society is a corrupt system that hasn't changed, so I'm not surprised he would pull something like this.

At the same time, Kubo 1. cheated his audience. 2. continues to prove me right that he cannot bring himself to kill his characters

1. Hollows who have commit murder in their human life are sent to hell. Syazel and Aaorniero are two of these hollows, and yet, when they are killed, there is NO gates of hell scene. We see them there later in the hell chapter (which was more of a promotion for the fourth movie and I didn't believe it would hold any merit)

But the same goes for Ukitake. We never see the gates of hell take him. What, was hell late? Did hell's gates get lost like an uber before picking him up? It's bull. Withholding such vital information from your audience, not showing the gates of hell when they should pick up this soul IMMEDIATELY is ... I mean its a lie. Kubo lied to his audience.

2. Now we are told powerful shinigami are sent to hell when they die. First of all that sounds like a security threat. Wouldn't shinigami want revenge for that? Or attempt to escape? Why would they still hold loyalty after being sent to a prison of eternal suffering?

Also "Yhwach and Aizen" were the only ones keeping Hell's gates closed is way too convenient and doesn't really make any sense. I feel like Aizen should have deliberately gone to hell to retrieve powerful shinigami / hollows for his army instead of keeping it /closed/.

This is definitely a Kubo-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing-and-is -making- stuff-up-as-he-goes, but it might have a pinch of merit because of previous plot lines.... but either way, there's some big plot holes here, but again, its Kubo, so I expected nothing less.

Again, he can't kill off his characters. He introduced zombification, he introduced immortality through the hougyoku, he has Orihime and Hachigen's reversal / rejection abilities. He brought back Luppi, friggen.... a character who's entire upper half of his body was incinerated. Like.... come on. No. He's dead, you can't bring him back like that. That's a cop out and just weird. You're taking away consequences and grief.

(Also Yamamoto and Unohana deserve to be in hell far over Ukitake, they've done some fcked up stuff in their pasts unlike him)

Also Kubo's favorite character is Mayuri, which.... you're allowed to have a favorite problematic character. But Keeping said character alive and bared from the consequences of abusing his daughter, murdering innocents, and experimenting on your own squad members? Nah. Nope. Kill him, Kubo. Kill this dude.

(his weird attachment to Mayuri is probably why he keeps bringing Syazel back, since Syazel is Mayuri 2.0, but Syazel is the bad guy who does face consequences for his actions while Mayuri is not)

~

Also, I'm certain Kazui and Orihime are going to be THRILLED that their precious husband/dad is going to hell when he dies :)

(I just... Rukia teased Ichigo about leaving Orihime at home. She teased him about having a house wife who he leaves all the chores to. Orihime had two panels. She checks on her son who promised he would be at home and sleep. Kazui fcking breaks his promise like it never mattered to him and JUMPS out the window after pretending to sleep in front of his mother. ... An 8 year old... alone... in the middle of the night.)

Orihime is abandoned. She is not invited to SS, she is not informed of what is going on, her son leaves her.... I...

Orihime is a side character. She doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't mattered for a long, long time.

A part of me is glad she had little screen time, since she tends to waste it, but another part of me is embroiled with rage.

I've even see people try to defend this. "Orihime and Ichigo can't be together ALL the time, that's an unhealthy relationship!" and I'm like guys... that's not the point. The point is Orihime is not part of Ichigo's other life. Any shinigami stuff from now on is none of her business. She's going to stay at home while Kazui and Ichigo go off and save the world. Ichigo is going to be fighting by Rukia and Renji while Orihime watches from the sidelines, or worse, doesn't even know what is going on with her husband and son. Orihime is going to be uninformed and abandoned, because she has not proven she is capable of fighting by their sides(go on, @ me. I will fight this. She's a failure.), and also because she prefers a human life over a dead one. Which is ironic, because she married a dead man. Ichigo is a shinigami, and he will be one forever. god forbid she ever meets his Zanpaktou. She would tremble in fear at the monsters her husband harbors in his soul, especially when she realizes they don't care about her and would rather see her dead. (Zangetsu would absolutely kill Orihime. Not sure about Kazui, but Orihime has not accepted Zangetsu, she does not like either of them, and the feeling is assuredly mutual.) frick now I want to make a comic about this

Also still frustrated over Zangetsu's shikai / bankai regression. Kubo once again lied to his audience. Ichigo has no bankai. How ridiculous is that? The main character of BLEACH doesn't have a bankai. Insulting.

(RIP to Chad. He doesn't exist anymore. He's just gone. No mention, no cameo. Gone.)

Kazui is a demon child. That character from the novels? Hikone? They're the same character. Literally same personality, same power level. Its worse because Kazui is a liar. He constantly goes behind his parents' backs. He can summon creepy fish and creepy eyeballs and open portals like is ANYONE aware of this? How has SS not kidnapped Ichigo's son and experimented on him / locked away his powers yet? All substitute shinigami require a reiatsu controlling / spy badge to keep them in line. Where is Kazui's? Or is he just a weird fullbringer?

I was worried Kubo was gonna try and pull a knock off Boruto but luckily he kept the focus on Ichigo and the others. But that being said, Ichika and Kazui are now just... sort of there? Kazui was kinda just.... having his own adventure that doesn't matter to the plot at hand, and Ichika had some nice characterization at first but she just hid behind her dad the whole time.

I have a feeling Kazui is gonna step in at the last minute or do some major behind the scenes thing that indirectly interferes with the main plot so no one will realize how powerful and dangerous he actually is. Its sad because Ichika is the superior character in personality and likability, but she clearly is not going to have a bigger part in this.

Ichigo having a normal life after everything still feels extremely boring and uncomfortable to me. Everyone's like 'I'm still bLEACH!" but.... BLEACH just... doesn't feel like BLEACH anymore. It hasn't for a while now.

~~~

There's two new shinigami characters. Didn't care for the girl, but the Sign Language kid who talks to animals is adorable ... however... he just reminds me of Chad, and I just... it hurts knowing Chad has essentially been deleted. Chad and Orihime are officially benched. They have chosen the human world, and Orihime has given Ichigo his spawn so she has no more use/purpose to him anymore... ////sigh

~~~

Also. This is claimed to be a new "arc". So is the BLEACH manga coming back? What is happening. I thought Kubo was tired and didn't want to do BLEACH anymore. I thought Shounen Jump cut him off. People made so many excuses for Kubo and why the past two arcs have been so badly written the past 6 years and now almost everything they've attempted to defend him with has been revoked.

BLEACH is going to continue to screw up its plot lines and characters, so Its probably best for it to stay dead but I've seen a lot of Kubo stans drooling over this content, they're desperate for BLEACH's return, but its already given out all its possible revelations. There's really nothing else to top here. It's just going to make things up as it goes along ,and I'm not really here for half-assed writing like that, especially since the damage of rushing the previous manga has already been done. Kubo and Shounen Jump are riding off a money nostalgia. None of this was planned.

Honestly though.... overall feeling of this chapter, not as bad as it could have been.

Syazel stole the spotlight, and he's my friend's favorite character, so that's all that really matters.

[hobiscloset]

@punkrockbrokemy--heart submitted a request for us to roast these looks. Thanks for the visually induced trauma bestie! Guest-starring the amazing @textsfrombangtan (marked as L)

E - Let's go from left to right on the top picture. A - it's just all so bad! im having a mild breakdown about this whole picture

Jimin E - so you know theater kids? A - Yeah, you and me E - Hey! but it's true. this is theater kid but in the early 80s late 70s. paint-splattered jeans and a flannel layered A - oh you are correct. it's not tech week though E - yeah this is during set building

Jhope N - Jorts is just going to a highlighter party A - he's a village people stan. before the word stan existed. so a village people groupie L - i'm not entirely convinced he isn't a village person A - its not a coherent enough theme to be a village person in this fit L - fair enough. this man has never seen a coherent theme in his life E - some kind of like burning man neon party

Jin N - my dad in Paris in the 70s A - I was gonna say the flashback dads in mama mia. so like same dif E - he's just one of the guys in Mama Mia 2 A - Bill E - you are absolutely correct and should say it L - strong agree. bill because he's definitely thinking "why did it have to be me" throughout L - i feel like he got off the lightest here but it might just be me looking at that damn face N - No he definitely made out the best E - i feel like overall they always take the least risks on Jin. like idk what it is but 8/10 times im like "eh" to his clothes A - they're like 'people just want to look at his face, put him in a button up and be done with it' N - Because if they go too hard with it he will wear it to music bank again L - this or jin just goes "no." and there's absolutely nothing they can do about it. jinhitent Jungkook A - baby is a 17 year old who decided yesterday that he was now into black smithing L - baby again with the butt flap this time in the most unfortunate colour A - look at my cool leather apron its so authentic N - Baby is my brother in high school before he asked me how colors work A - he doesnt care about colours he just wants to make knives. ive known this exact child. four of them actually E - yeah i was gonna say like kid with odd hobbies and no anxiety. his goal is to get on Forged in Fire and make a knife in 2 hours that gets thrown at a wall A - Precisely

RM A - Quite literally one of the bullies from the power rangers E - i know the exact guy L - ash ketchum on steroids E - ash ketchum if pokemon had been made live action when they did that horrible dragon ball z movie. like he's got a punk/grunge phase L - precisely and the jeans... they're so long N - A toddler allowed to choose all his own clothes

Suga E - he just looks like every bisexual i know after going to the thrift store like "youll never guess what i found", pulls out yet another bowling shirt A - its true but hey! L - this is a wham! fit. like club tropicana vibes. beach club promoter but the club is dogshit and he knows it N - Mamoru from the original sailor moon anime (pause while E looked it up)

E - oh god you are absolutely right ! A - A VERY SOLID CALL L - aksjdbsbajzjs accuracy 100 N - I know my sailor moon bad fashion

V L - *sharp inhale * A - I get Napolean dynamite character vibes in the most (derogatory) way N - An art student who is very aware how pretentious everyone around him is and put on the worst outfit he could find to see how people would twist themselves up trying to call it Art E - oh i love that. troll art student. also whose fucking face is that and why am i convinced its like a serial killer? L - the face on his shirt is the face i made when i saw this A - have you ever seen a three year old that insists they dress themselves without any help E - i want my ballet tights and my fire fighter uniform and my dinosaur top A - its just 100 percent this Final Thoughts N - The argument could be made that all of them are toddlers who insisted on dressing themselves E - all together its very much like, kindergarten class vibes L - idk it just feels like they hit the random sim generator seven times and they got all the worst traits E -you know that computer program Cher has in Clueless? with all her clothes. this is what happens when you press random and shuffle at the same time L - yes and they only allow the fit when a big fat X comes up on the screen and cher goes "ugh as if" E - cher's outfit software, wrong answers only L - i think this whole thing can be distilled down to "wrong answers only"