#yes i know he actually picks him up and throws him into an evil portal but the post is funnier this way leave me alone

[ben-wisehart]

Welcome to Night Vale having the representative of a giant mega corporation say that they would fix a disabled girl by curing her of her disability in order to increase her productivity and that girl’s dad immediately punching him in the face changed me as a person tbh

[xan-izme]

Across the Spidervers x Venom!femReader {Bad ending}

(Reader is Māori)

Summary: Reader was one of the Spidey's that helped Miles save his city from disaster. She returns home, a little while later, Gwen comes to recruit Reader. But this don't go very well.

TW: character death, mental health, trust issues, betrayal, cursing, held captive, traps, mentions of killing

—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—–—––—–—–

You were Spider woman. Yes, you knew that. Your uncle knew that and your friends from other dimensions knew that too! Friends who you missed dearly.

The life as Spider-woman would be tiring at times, but the felling of knowing that the city where your family and many other families live are safe; Was something you needed to know an able to sleep.

But you felt so alone. Missing your friends, missing swinging through a city with them and defeat evil. Joking around and the small meal breaks. You haven't been able to connect with others that much after becoming Spider-woman, it seemed like crime happened everywhere every day.

One day, when you were going against another villain, who was actually a very new one to you.

"So uh, what are you supposed to be? --" You swung up in the air, dodging the attack.

"Some, Super . . .goo?" You watched as dark gooey liquid drip off from it's deformed body.

'Ew'

"You . . . die!" The monster shouted. The thing picked up a large bolder from the wrek and threw it twards you.

You shot your webs at the bolder and jumped up, throwing it right back at it.

"That's not a really nice thing to say man." You continue with your witty comments when trying your best to take down the monster. Then suddenly, the thing begins to glitch. This gave you a little heart attack, knowing the feeling all too well.

"I see, you're from another dimension." You mumbled as the monster's glitching was a little long.

Suddenly, the gooey thing shot itself at you. Luckily you got out the way. But the goo stuck onto you, making your foot and hand stick to the ground and wall.

"Mother--nature!" You shout in frustration.

"Spider-Woman!" You hear a familiar voice shout. You quickly turn your head to see your father, captain of the Brooklyn police force. You clear your voice before speaking in a deep voice.

"uh- Stand back! no need for assistance Captain l/n!" You shout back at your dad who had other officers behind him, ready to engage. You used all of your strength to get your foot out of the goo that had harden instantly. After breaking your foot free. You kicked at whatever the gooey monster threw at you.

Suddenly, some portal opened up. Thats when a figure quickly shot out of it. It didn't take you long to realize who it was.

"Gwen!" right when you and Gwen were away from the civilians, you couldn't help your excitement to hug the living hell out of the blond. Gwen laughed.

"It's nice to see you too." Gwen laughed out as she hugged you back. Gwen began to tell you about the Spider Society and how she wanted to recruit you. She told you the higher up wanted to meet with you about a serious situation that was to happen in your universe.

You got concerned for a moment. You cared about your city and everyone in it. So, if your wold is in trouble, then you would of course get involved.

Gwen gave you a day pass bracelet so you wouldn't glitch like crazy. Before entering the portal, you looked back, wondering what your other family members were doing at the moment. Hoping they would be safe.

The Spider society was honestly amazing. You met and had some fun with people who were like you. You felt so happy, smiling non-stop. Gwen laughed as you acted like a child in a candy store.

Then you both stopped big doors. "Miguel said he wanted to meet with you alone. Y-you alright with that?"

You smiled, a little nervous to meet the big boss of this whole thing. But you reassured her and walked in alone. Before the doors closed, your turned around and gave her a thumbs up and said, "Wish me luck."

The doors closed. It was a little dim, but you were able to see good enough. You breathed in and calmed yourself down, pulling your mask down and walking to where you see more light coming from a specific spot in the big room.

"Uh- H-hello? Mr. O'Hara?" You see a man in a dark blue and red suite. The aura around the man made you nervous, his built just added on to your little fears. You cleared your throat and straightened up.

"I'm Y/n L/n. I was told you wanted to see me . . . sir?" Miguel got closer to you with a stoic look on his face.

"We know who you are kid." Miguel spoke. You frown at the word 'we' and search the room and see a woman who was. . . pregnant. You were a little confused, and worried.

"Um. . . don't y'all get like, paternity leave or something?" You pointed out at the woman. Miguel ignored your comment.

"Where's Gwen?" His words sounded like a question, but not at the same time. "She said you wanted to see me alone. Hey, I kind of need to be back soon. No disrespect sir, but I got school and stuff. . . " You cringed at how dumb you sounded.

Miguel and the woman in the room gave each other a look.

Miguel began to explain the problem.

Apparently, ever since your time in earth 1016, your experience there had changed your mindset on a lot of things, including certain things that were a part of your 'canon' as Miguel called it.

"What . . . what's wrong with that?" You were generally confused, what part of your canon did you accidentally prevented.

Lyla then showed multiple canon events, all the same, all that had happened in different universes.

"Every Spidey loses someone, most of them fall in love and most of them lose that lover. For you, your canon involves family members."

"What?"

"Now we don't know which of your family members would die--"

"The hell, if that supposed to make me feel better!?" You were getting upset, rightfully so.

"Look kid, we know this is hard for you to take in." The woman known as Jessica spoke up. ''But you are your own anomaly, the more you stay with your family the way you are doing at the moment, the more damage you'll inflect on your world."

"Wha- . . . You can't just tell me one of my family members are going to die and tell me not to fucking interfere. My mother is pregnant! my siblings are literally toddlers, my dad- he just got his new position as captain." Your mind was going into a panic, you can't lose any of them. Your family was your whole world, you already lost someone you can't afford to lose again. You know deep inside if you lose anyone else, you'll brake.

And there is nothing you are more afraid of then braking.

Miguel sighed. "I'm sorry kid, but let's be honest. If it weren't for Miles Morals, you wouldn.t be in this situation." Miguel spoke as multiple other Spider people surrounded you. You frown and look around to see all of them.

"What . . . what's going on? . . . Where's Gwen!" Suddenly a gadget was tossed to your feet. And before you could react, a forcefield was put up around you.

And that, that is when you freaked out.

"Once this timer goes off, that is when we set you free. Just a few days kiddo."

Your eyes shifted to the timer. 2 days.

You shouted, banged on the forcefield, used as much strength as you could to try and get out.

"LET ME OUT! GWEN! GWEN HELP ME!" You shouted for your friend. You shouted for help. But alas, no aid came to you.

"Please Y/n. The more you struggle the harder it will be for us." You hear someone say, but you ignore and keep slamming your body against the transparent walls.

Then suddenly your Spidey senses tingled. You look around the room, then you noticed a familiar white and black suit. "Gwen! Gwen help me! Please help!"

Gwen walked up to you. She stared you in the eyes, your face expression dropped when you noticed the look of pain in her eyes. Gwen held herself and turned away from you. "Gwen . . .?"

"You did good Gwen." Jessica began to pat Gwen on the back. Your eyes widen in utter disbelief. "Gwen? Gwen!" You began to bang on the forcefield, tears already threatening to fall. Your face was covered by your mask, but everyone can hear your voice cracks.

Betrayal was all you felt as you continued to try and claw out of the forcefield, for a moment you were almost successful. Then Miguel was able to put on hologram like chains to chain you on the ground to prevent you from clawing at the barrier.

The timer went off. You watched the multiple zeros blinking. Your body felt limp, weak as the forcefield and chains disappeared. Miguel had opened a portal. You ignored him and Jessica as you chanted the names of each family member, slowly going through the portal.

The moment you stepped through, it was chaos. Your families' names repeating in your head praying to all the Gods you knew of to please spare your family.

Finally, you found a familiar body, laying limp under some ruble. Swinging down quickly, you used your strength to get the man free.

Taking your mask off, you lifted the upper half of your father's body.

"Papa" You whisper out. Moving away his hair that was in the way of his face. His eyes slowly opened to see you, his beautiful strong daughter.

"Y/n . . . ko Koe." His voice was small, but firm. You smiled through your tears.

"Yes, it's me." Your vision would get blurry here and there, but the tears would immediately fall the moment you blinked.

"You are in trouble. You were late for dinner." Your father reached up to cup your face. Just for him to pinch your cheek. Even when close to death, he still scolds you.

It didn't take long for him to lose consciousness. You cried and held his body close. Rocking back and forth as you prayed and prayed. Begging for any god to help you.

You didn't notice Gwen slowly approaching you. She mends down and watches as you cradled your father's body in your arms. Gwen reached her arm out and held your shoulder.

"We have to go, before the police get here--"

"Tuku- Tukua--"

"We need to go Y/n--"

"Tukua ahau!" You smacked her hand away and stood up. Hot tears running down your face.

"I whakarerea ahau e koe!" You began to shout in your native tongue. Frustrated, hurt, betrayed.

And the feeling of dishonor you had brought onto yourself was the worse feeling overpowering everything else.

"You are no friend of mine.''

Those words shattered Gwen.

"Leave. GO! Never return." Gwen stumbled back as you returned back to your father. Holding him back in your arms, half expecting him to hold you back.

Overtaken by grief and betrayal, you refused to let the Spider society to help with the anomalies, only you deal with them and send them in a portal back to HQ.

You gained a new power, discarding your tittle as 'Spider-woman', and taking on the tittle 'Venom'.

Venom was, well-- Venom was a handful at first. But Venom helped you become stronger. Helped you defend your city and your family.

Your family took a big hit by the loss of your father.

Sighing as you sat down on the clock tower. Looking over the city, wondering how Miles was doing. Hoping the boy didn't get caught up with Gwen and Peter B.

Miles was probably the only one you still saw as a friend.

'Hungry'

You groan "We already ate Venom."

'You call that food? That was nothing but a maar snack. I want something more! something fresh~"

"Okay one, ew. Two, I'm on a diet."

You hear Venom scoffed. 'Your diet is ew' Venom spoke in a mocking tone. Causing you to roll your eyes.

Out of nowhere, a portal opened up. You were fast on your feet. The portal was a little different from the others, making you stay on guard even more. That's when Multiple Spider people came out.

One specifically that came out angered you in multiple ways. You stayed in place, staying silent.

"Y/n! we need your help!" Gwen came running to you. You silenced out her words and focused on the panic and desperation on her face.

You wonder, if you could just reject her, shun her out and watch the look of despair take over her. That sounded very satisfying.

"Please, say something. Anything! I know what I did was unforgivable, but--" You stayed silent as Gwen was practically begging.

You look up to see some old friends, and new people. You stared at Peni for a moment.

You passed Gwen and walked towards the young teen who was in a new model of her robot.

". . .Nice ride."

Peni's eyes widen at the familiar words that brought back a nice memory. Peni chuckled "Thanks. . . nice suit."

The two of you shared a few seconds of silence. Peni jumped out of the robot and hugged you. You were quick to hold her tight.

You're not blind, it's clear all of you have suffered one way or another.

You set Peni down.

You turned your head to Gwen.

"I have told you to never return." You spoke, your back still faced to the blond. "I know! But Miles-" Gwen was cut off by your hand that rose up to silence her.

"I know of Miles and his situation. But I have my universe to protect. A family I need to keep alive." You walked further away from the group. Venom forming in and taking over at the last word.

"My answer will be the same answer you gave me when I begged you for help."

You will not forgive the ones who hurt you, betray you or your family. Right now, you don't care about anyone else but the ones you have now. You refuse to risk it. Refuse to gamble the lives of your siblings and mother.

And never, will you ever risk your honor, and the honor of your father.

Okay, before ya'll bash me about the Māori part, I know adding on a culture is a little off for many. I just wanted to add on a Māori reader because I don't see many representations of them. So, if any of my Māori readers dislike this, I will gladly change it.

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

yes a thousand percent absolutely lets go

(firstly i am sorry my post put anyone to a point of feeling the need to apologize for or feel bad for being Very Into Leo’s character. as someone who is flagrantly Very Into Raph’s character, i promise i wasn’t trying to throw a stone in this glass house. i’ve gotten burnt out on a lot of fanon leo stuff but part of why im so !!!! about it is bc i too love leo’s characterization and potential.. i swear

catch me catching my brain and tone malfunctions behind dennys later, sorry again gang)

BUT YE I’LL TALK ABOUT MOVIE RAPH STUFF TO MY BEST CAPACITY ALL DAY

overall i honestly... totally get raph being hard to get a handle on in this respect. like it’s pretty difficult to pick where to start and how to express it even just in an informal tumblr analysis post, i still haven’t managed to put together any kind of fic myself LMAO. bear with me i will do my best!

so firstly there’s just the veritable gauntlet of “stuff raph experienced/was dealing with in the span of the movie” to consider, i think. 

- his fear and anxiety over his family’s safety, for which he always always feels personally responsible. when he called the retreat during that first fight with the krang, he was absolutely terrified-- and i can only imagine how much scarier it was after leo bailed on the escape pod. like, there’s no way raph was not hauling ass after leo the second he saw that happen.

= he takes a hit for leo, as in just barely stops it and loses a chunk of shell/plastron in the process. he sacrifices himself using his pod to get leo out of there safely (and there’s so much to be said about the fact that raph’s pod seems to be the only one that didn’t auto-activate. that only he and donnie seemed to know they even existed. there’s a whole talk they must have had right there, like raph would probably have had to ask specifically for this feature.)

- the krang try to intimidate answers out of him about the key, and when that doesn’t get them those answers, prime literally jams tentacles into his brain and roots around until he can find what they’re looking for. so that’s one bullet point on the list for outright mental violation. it looks/sounds very painful, not to mention terrifying. 

^^ and honestly, this point of suffering in particular is one that i think would be hardest for raph to actually bring up/talk about with his family. because none of them were there. none of them KNOW. and how do you explain that to them? how do you try to make yourself break that out when they’re already worried about the other stuff that happened to you and to everyone else? when part of you is guilty about it despite yourself, because so much of your identity is tied into being a protector that you can’t help but feel like you should have been able to wall that info off somehow and keep your family safe?

- gets infected by the krang and put into the big gross pod to... incubate, i guess? there’s so much unanswered about the point between brain torture and getting found by his family tbh. was he conscious and aware of being left alone in there? was that why he was so out of it even before the mutation?

- and then of course there’s said painful, grotesque body horror forced krang mutation that he has to go through once he’s out of the pod! thanks i hated it! like it seriously looks so gross and painful.

- ah yes and the mind control... being used as a tool and a puppet and specifically set out to hurt or even kill the family he loves and wants to protect. 

- the standard “we had our cool epic boss fight against the evil alien but he kicked our asses with one flick and then punched mikey and donnie all the way to staten island” physical roughage, too. leo portaled him after mikey and donnie so he could catch them. donnie took the brunt of the krang punch, and raph took the brunt of the hard landing (he is holding his side like he might have some rib issues, they all look rough af down there phew)

- leo’s sacrifice is leo’s sacrifice and definitely a leo development moment as an action itself, i’m never gonna say 'yep here’s how leo getting brutalized in prison dimension is all about raph’. i’m talking about the like, aftermath and pre-rescue emotional toll that that has etc etc etc. ftr.

point one there is obviously just the grief. like, raph is literally incapable of standing when it hits. he’s on all fours, he can’t open his eyes. i made a post comparing the caps of raph’s face getting stabbed and raph’s face when it was sinking in that leo was (apparently) Gone gone bc the expressions are nearly identical. like just. absolute agony. 

- and on top of that, i sincerely think that leo’s “you’re one to talk, hero moves are totally your thing” apparent last words are gonna stick with raph for a very long time. even after they save leo. the look on his face after leo says that... man. i think there’s a very real moment of raph going what have i done, what did i teach him? about the entire situation.

the way this is already tl;dr oh well SO IG SOME OF MY GENERAL TAKEAWAYS AND THINGS I THINK ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO POST-MOVIE RAPH:

first and foremost. rip raph sufferer of some of the most intense eldest child syndrome i’ve ever seen. he feels bad that he got used to get his family’s location. he feels bad that he got used to harm and nearly kill his family. he probably feels bad that leo feels bad that his shell is damaged, smh. it’s guilt all the way down. the kind where he knows logically his family does not want or need apologies, that getting controlled was literally not his fault, but he feels bad anyway.

and like i said i get how it’s hard to get a handle on him for stuff, because raph is also... not super good at the emotional vulnerability sharing? it’s so wild because he’s very openly emotional and easy to read! he’ll cry during a sad movie scene and yell at a frustrating video game no problem, he’s very straightforward! but when it comes to sincere vulnerability and actually seeking comfort/closure about it, he has a big struggle vibe. good luck to the entire family bc every single brother is gonna be in a “oh but everyone else already has so much to deal with i don’t wanna pile more on with my problems” zone, i think. 

also just like. raph is a protector. that’s one of the core pillars of his sense of identity and worth. he takes care of his brothers. he keeps his family safe. and so so so much of what he went through or experienced in the movie went directly against that. raph, the big brother, the beating heart of the team, the one who takes hits, the overprotective mother hen, gets used to track down his family, and then gets used to hurt them. very nearly gets used to kill leo outright. isn’t there to take the hit for leo again at the end of the movie, is helpless as his little brother seemingly sacrifices his life to save them and the world. how does he come to terms with that? how does he feel like he still deserves the trust and faith that his family puts in him to keep being a rock? (they’re not scared of him, but he’s scared of him.)

and for real seriously how does he ever ever get around to dealing with that brain probe and the mutation specifically. his mind and his bodily autonomy got so deeply violated in the process of this movie. it’s scary! and painful! what kind of scenario would a writer even have to rig up to back him into enough of a corner to share those feelings with his family (who would absolutely want to comfort and support him)! it’s nightmarish stuff that’s gonna linger with him for the rest of his life. 

and in fact on the mutuation/mind control. i think the fact that leo was able to get through to raph just with words, that that was how he managed to break through the control, maybe means that raph was aware of what he was being made to do all along and just. unable to pull enough strength together to stop it before that point. woof.

idk idk if any of this makes real sense or helps for getting a handle on raph’s character at all tbh, it’s just a lot of me nonsensically putting him in a jar with a leaf and a stick for scientific observation ig. if ppl wanna hit me w questions or discussions about my personal opinions on my favorite boi feel free tbh

maybe the real raph character analysis was the hug and nightmare-free nap he probably desperately needs all along....... ah its too late hes dissociating on the couch. relatable.

[razberrypuck]

ep 102 liveblog

jehfjegdg thank you for this intro condi

NO THEYRE LEAVING ALREADY?????

GRYFFON 🙏🙏🙏

JAHSJWUDHSH "chip, I can't lie, tell him he did good out there"

chip flat out lying so hard it made grizz break character

"because the beyond section is actually navy ran" "whaaaaat D:????? noooooo!!!!"

"its government subsidized fucking mystery cave. fucking sure I guess."

"she told her no" "thanks for listening, gryffon" "no problem"

QUEEN 👏👏👏👏

"okay queen is being based right now" YEAHH YOU GET IT GILL

"can I just insight check queen" JWHWHDHAGDY

QUEEN I LOVE YOU <33333

jay: I was right to be angry, right? she was kinda making me feel bad about it

gillion: you reacted more than -- MORE than fairly

chip: I have a lot of opinions, none of them matter. I'm not gonna tell you how to feel.

gill giggling at chip going "I'll show you my hidden darkness" we love visible character development he would've gotten ready to throw down if this were early campaign

"no, it's like a metaphor" "a meta for what?"

gillion quietly trying to comfort jay im not okay..............

gillion: I'm just gonna be straight with you guys, if they fucking....murked a god of the undersea or something, or disrupted the natural order of life, I might be up for a little war."

jay and chip immediately being down to join the war on the side of the undersea hello???? they weren't lying these captains really are ride or die

hey actually I want to talk abt how MUCH having gillion be their moral backbone (whether they like it or not) has changed chip and jay. I don't have the words right now but I want to talk about it. you get it.

GRIZZ DO NOT BRING UP EDYN HOW COULD YOU

OHHH GRIZZ HOW FUCKING COULD YOU

OHHHH ITS AVA'S HANDWRITING ISNT IT

FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF >:[

" 'your face makes it look like a good memory' and I close her hand over the pin" GILLION TIDESTRIDER

gillion's trying so hard to bring jay comfort dude ohh my god. im so emotional over them.

JSJFJSH TAKING A SAFETY SNIFF

"he's not evil. he's just angry." "and a dick." "and a dick."

"we've got an arlin to find" "well, I was thinking first, maybe we could... see what was going on with edyn" OH CHIP. EVERYONES BEEN GOING THROUGH FAMILY SHIT AND HE KNOWS HOW WORRIED GILLS BEEN OHH HE WANTS TO BRING GILL TO HIS SISTER CHIPPPPPPP

hes a little confused but he's got the spirit

oh chip picked up on gill changing the subject 👀

"okay. I'd like that." STOP GILLION YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME. hes forcing himself to be more open gillion I love you

EARLLLL

JAHDHSJD WALKS OUT IMMEDIATELY CALLING OUT DREY LOVE YOU EARL

BEST FRIEND????????

drey earl stole your bestie

chip and gillion suspicious of queen

give me finn please gillion go see your grandpa

FINN TIDESTRIDER

"the g-paw dap is the nose squeeze" AWH

NOOO THEY EXPIDITED IT GRANDPA COME BACK

enza <333

"I dap her up as soon as she comes through the portal" "I give her a refreshing earl juice drink" "I give her a hug and I say hi" enza just join the crew fr they love you

JAHRHEJ CHARLIE

THE FUCKING COMPASS

OHHHH CHIP. HIS DEEPEST DESIRE IN THIS EXACT MOMENT IS TO HELP REUNITE GILL AND EDYN FUCK OFFFFFFF

grizz what are you doing.

PERMANENTLY INCREASE HIS STRENGTH BY ONE??????? HELLO???????

GRIZZ

THE FUCKING SUN DREAM AGAIN

YEAHHHH JAY YES JAY

JAY HETEROCHROMIA POG???????? HOLY SHIT??????????

JAYYYYYYYYY 👏👏👏👏👏👏

"I'd like to go whaling" "gillion just looks at you until you stop having the idea" "okay nevermind I don't want to go whaling"

oh jay wants to call ollie :[

the fact that zero could see the whole fight. dude. that's kinda sick.

"did we take you to the BLOCK?????" "ollie I'm happy you're home." jsjdnsfbfj

"they call me uncle rizz ferin" JDJFJSJFHHSH DREY

"I cast protection of evil and sex on myself"

JAFHSGDHS BIZLY AND CHARLIE FREAKING OUT

oh they really didn't think about their disguised huh

AMANDA RINN???? AMANDA RINN????????

"we're the boobatross"

blonde chip with big pants, pants elemental, and jeay ferin

lionel starr, jortstorm, and gene applebottom

JULIAN!!!!!!!!!!! JULIAN MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN AMANDA RINN

GILL DONT GILL DONT GILL DONT

"lionel starr has never been married he doesn't believe in it"

HOW DID THEY FUCK THIS UP SO BAD?????????

NOOO THEY GOT ARRESTED

jahdhdhf amanda I love you

"what do you want me to say to her, I forgot I have the message spell" "move on, he's dead"

gillion head in hands

JAHDHSJD GILL KISSED HIM ON THE FOREHEAD

gillion's better at lying than chip?????

"they don't like you, but you get through"

gill immediately assuming edyn must be mad at him :((((

"happy low-tide to ya"

oh she hasn't come back.

oh she's letting him use her callnch........

please please please

"hiiiiiiii. it's, um... hi, edyn, it's me, gillion. um, just... wanted to give you a call. I know you might've seen the number and thought it was weird. um, but, in case you're by the phone right now and are just letting it ring out or something, 'cuz you thought it was work and are quitting, I'm just gonna scream really loud in case you're somewhere nearby -- [gillion screaming] -- in case you just hear that and you wanna run into the room and pick it up, 'cuz I know you can hear the voice message, um... okay, um, well... I just wanted to tell you that I, um, kinda sorta broke my phone, um... 'cuz I was really scared. and. I know you're okay, but I hope you're okay. um... I know you're out there doing really really big stuff... but... your little brother really misses you, especially lately. and... would give a lot to hear your voice again, um... I hope the gods bring us together soon, and... I just wanted to tell you that chip, jay, and I, and all of the other riptide pirates are sailing into the black sea, and it's, um... it's pretty dangerous stuff. I've got no doubt that we'll come back, and... sooner or later, our paths will cross, I just... I pray that it's sooner. I was... really upset. but. I think I can understand now, if you gave me a chance. And, um... I hope that this is the last message that we leave for each other. love you a medan, edyn. nope. that's nothing. love you a -- love you a m-mu-mi-gh-gu-mm- bye."

his deepest desire is still for gill to see edyn

northern sea. that's where the capital is. she's in the undersea.

"it's like if you found out your plug was a cop, but he's still your plug" I love you gillion tidestrider

"narc to narc" JAHDHWKJF GILLION

"we're the types of characters that would start making noises to comfort each other"

yooo cave song (not normal about how, once again, gillion is the one to start the song stuff)

it's a portal, not an actual gate. interesting.

the black sea is just one massive dead zone isn't it. god.

THE TREE. THE TREE. ITS THE TREE.

FUCKING GOOP BEETLES. GOOP MONSTERS.

[taiblogcomics]

My Little Taury: Friendship is Parodic

Hey there, sheep of your dreams. A rare update for Leap Day! Honestly, couldn't have picked a better series for this to happen during. Seems fitting, no?

Here's the cover:

All right, now you kind of see why I wanted to review this series, eh~? So here are the Taurs, the MLP/Smurfs hybrids that closed out last issue. We'll be getting to know them a bit more closely in this one, so that's all I'll tell you here. Instead, let's analyse these cutie marks. There's some classically evil stuff: skull and crossbones, inverted pentagram, Bill Cipher… A couple over here have Backstabber and Money=Power… Easily the most baffling one is the "stock woman on truck's mudflaps silhouette". What kinda traits does that confer~?

Our hero(?) Steve Harmon wishes to rid himself of his Slapstick persona, and to that end, he's hired tech goon Quasimodo to research a solution. Since Dimension Ecch gave him his powers, a trip back should undo it. They open a makeshift portal, but are detected and apprehended by SHIELD offshoot ARMOR before they can use it. Turns out there's been a rash of incursions from the dimension, including Bro-Man last issue, and they want to know the connection. When another incursion occurs and the Taurs invade, Slapstick volunteers to take care of it to throw ARMOR off his scent.

We actually join this issue by checking in with Slapstick's buddy Mike, who's working at an art supply shop in a mall in Paramus. He's recounting the events of last issue to his co-worker Jenny, noting how it'll make a great scene for his graphic novel. She's mostly feigning interest, privately thinking how it won't last six issues. Yes, very droll, a wink and a nod to the fourth wall. Except Mike's pitching a graphic novel. They aren't sold issue by issue. Maybe Jenny doesn't know that, but I do, and the distinction is something I love to nitpick~

While Mike continues to go on about presenting it at New York Comic Con, he suddenly feels a sudden sharp pain. He turns to find himself being attacked by one of the Taurs. He yells for Jenny that one of the high-end toys from Kay-Bee has gone Westworld, but that doesn't make any sense. Kay-Bee Toys went out of business in 2009! He seizes the Taur, berating it for breaking the First Law of Robotics, only to now have a view outside into the rest of the mall. The rest of the Taurs are running a slaughter over the other mall patrons.

Slapstick is teleported in, and he starts gleefully going to town on the Taurs. It's a fun fight scene, because keep in mind the Taurs are exactly as small as you think. Basically the size of a FiM brushable pony. Less than six inches tall, I'd say. So while Slapstick has the size on them, the Taurs have the numbers, evening the odds. They also have pointier weapons, at least at first. Once they jab him in the eyes, Slapstick utters the utterly immortal lines "No more Mr. Nice Clown! I'm reaching into my angry pants!" God, I love comic books.

Thankfully, Slapstick has no junk, so he won't be arrested for this. Instead, what he pulls from his pants is Bro-Man's sword. It's already been proven that this sword can cut through electroplasm creatures (but not actually kill them), and it's just as effective on the Taurs as it was at bisecting Bro-Man. In fact, it can cut through anything, and Slapstick's wild swinging unfortunately has him cut through a load-bearing support beam to the level above, collapsing part of the mall's walkway on top of him, losing the sword in the rubble.

Before the Taurs can advance again, they're halted by some weapons above. Mike and Jenny turn up, having raided the crafting store they work in to deck themselves out in post-apocalypse armour and makeshift weapons. This gives Slapstick the chance to haul himself out of the heap, where he finds another Taur in his hair. Before he can heave the invader, she has him halt. Introducing herself as Taurette (which thankfully does not lead to the joke you probably think it might), she offers to help Slapstick defeat her brethren if he spares her.

See, she's the only female among her people, and thus is constantly subject to taursplaining and the male gaze. So she requests asylum on the champion's world. Slapstick agrees, not bothering to tell her that his own people are just as bad. She tells them that the Taurs fear only one thing: the Sorceror Supreme of their dimension, Gorgonzola. He's a wizard who's out to capture the Taurs because they excrete gold. Well, at least he doesn't want to eat them. Slapstick gets a crafty look in his eye. Appropriate, since they're also holed up in the craft store.

As the Taurs--led by their red-hatted, bearded leader, Patriarchy Taur--prepare to regroup, suddenly another bearded figure in red flies overhead. The wizard Gorgonzola declares the Taurs have no refuge from his magic in this realm. In close-up, however, it's clearly Mike being hoisted by a rope, while Taurette hides in his fake beard and feeds him lines. The Taurs all soil themselves in terror--which, I remind you, means they all shit out gold nuggets. The sight of all that wealth gets the better of Slapstick, and he drops the rope he's hoisting Mike/Gorgonzola with, right on top of the Taurs.

The Taurs fortunately don't grasp the deception, but they do notice "Gorgonzola" has Taurette, and attempt to recapture her back to their village. Slapstick re-seizes the rope and swings into the fray, pulling Mike aside. He grabs Taurette from the horde, and not knowing how else to protect her, stuffs her down his inter-dimensional pants. Being stuffed down a clown's pants would traumatise anyone, and Taurette snaps at having to cope with this. She declares she will never be a damsel in distress again and grabs a nearby pocket knife defiantly.

Cutting a hole to free herself, Taurette bursts out of Slapstick's pants, causing a load of his stored objects to also come spilling out. Though briefy embarassed at being in his briefs, Slapstick tells Mike and Taurette to run for it while he holds them off. He doesn't initially have a plan until he spots something among the junk: the robot gun-arm he took from Quasimodo in issue 1. The one that shoots a horrifying electroplasm-disrupting beam. He immediately begins scrambling the Taurs into colourful puddles of goo.

The beam only destabilises them, however, it doesn't kill them. They're still alive and aware, and the big pastel puddle begins swirling around Slapstick. Before he can drown in a pool of Taur juices, the ARMOR agents show up with a big vacuum containment device, sucking up the goo formally known as the Taurs. Taurette buddies up to the competent women who just saved the day, while Slapstick tries not to make an ass of himself despite being literally caught with his pants down. The agent he's crushing on gives him a number to call if another incursion happens, and he treats it like a personal number.

The agents depart with Taurette, and Slapstick and Mike leave with the Taurs' golden leavings. A few days go by, and Mike drops by Slapstick's (parents') house to show off having redrawn his comic pages again. At least he's perfecting his craft! He finds Slapstick hopped up on coffee, having spent the last few days re-creating the portal to Dimension Ecch, deliberately in spite of ARMOR's warnings. Unfortunately, as the comic ends, he didn't successfully remake the portal--he made a device that ports Dimension Ecch's nonsense to this dimension, bringing several inanimate objects to cartoony life~

Well, this issue's a lot of fun. It's the least excessively-violent so far, only a bit of blood at the beginning. The Taurs being hyper violent is an excellent joke, contrasting how gentle their two blending series (My Little Pony and The Smurfs) are. The issue is a lot of fight scenes, but it's a lot of cartoony fun in the fight scenes. Most of the comics I complain about just being an issue of fight scenes (see: The Culling or any given Suicide Squad issue) are just schlocky action movie fodder, while this one is more like a stereotypical episode of Tom & Jerry. And also, despite this series not being above lowbrow, crude humour--the jockstrap pile, the Taurs crapping gold, all the mentions of Slapstick's dingus--I applaud it for knowing where the line is and not doing the obvious joke regarding Taurette's name. Kudos, comic~

[stellocchia]

So, I once made a post about c!Tommy and c!Dream’s relationship throughout season 1 (which you can find here), but today I was thinking, why not do the same for the Exile Arc?

There are some people that still don’t seem to have a comprehensive idea of what actually went down during that time (either because they joined the fandom afterwards or haven’t watched it at the time) so I’ll try to do that here. I’ll cover the first 2 streams here, and then continue in the next part because this is gonna be way too damn long otherwise...

As always I’ll be talking only about the characters and the roleplay from here on out and also I’ll be touching on some very heavy topics under the cut (such as gaslighting and abuse). Also this is gonna be another one of my Overly Long Analysis, so... you know... be warned of that.

I’ll be going through this vod by vod, so It will be so long... God why do I always do this to myself?

Let’s start with TommyInnit Is Exiled From The Dream SMP... which is the vod when Tommy actually get’s exiled.

So, the exile scene per se has been covered a 100 times over, but, right after Tubbo asking Dream to “please detain and excort Tommy out of my country” Dream yeets Tommy off the walls and then he immediately establishes the general idea of how it’ll be in exile: “I don’t think you wanna die Tommy. You need to- to listen to me”.

Also it is to be noted that in this “exile” time and time again Dream establishes arbitrary rules that were most certanly not meant in the initial sentence (which is why it’s much more of a kidnapping then an actual exile). Starting from before they even leave L’Manburg completely. In fact when they are still in the vc with the others and still just down from the obsidian walls, Tommy and Dream have this exchange:

“Do I have any time to speak words? What can...” “NO. NO. NO. NO!” “what the...” 

And then right after (just after leaving the vc):

“Do you have food?” “Yeah...” “Good, we’ll be going a long while still” “Am I not allowed- well surely- surely I’m only exiled from L’Manburg-” “Oh, no no no. You’re exiled from everywhere that’s been touched”

The sentence was only for him to be exiled from L’Manburg. Dream theoretically only had authority over the Greater Dream smp in any case, so how come immediately Tommy’s “sentence” becomes being exiled from “everywhere that has been touched”? What authority did Dream have to exile him from the Badlands? Or the Holy Grounds (considering those are widely considered neutral)?

This is from right after Ghostbur joins them:

“Well, I don’t- I don’t have to come with you” “Well, I mean, I’ll kill you” (...) "I don’t have to follow you! I don’t-” “Tommy! Then I’ll just kill you. What happens if I kill you?” “I die...”

Again, technically Tubbo only asked Dream to escort Tommy out of his country, not all the way to his place of exile. Tommy here is right, he is exiled, he is not supposed to have a jailor going with him, he is not supposed to be imprisoned. All he supposedly had to do was get off the lands he wasn’t allowed into and then he’d be good. Of course Dream’s plans were different there.

Also the trend of constantly undermining anything Tommy is feeling at any given moment sure doesn’t stop with the Exile Arc! 

“No, no! I don’t want to head anywhere! I wanna to go back! I wanna go back!” “Fine fine, we’ll head this way then. It’s fine, this is fine” “I don’t wanna go!” “Tommy come on...”

Honorable mention to Dream talking about the first time he exiled Tommy:

“Do you remember- this is actually funny! Do you remember the first time you ever joined the server? And uhm... you got exiled? By me?” “Yeah?” “It’s kinda like that, except now if you don’t listen you die”

And the conditioning begins all the way here, with Dream trying to decide Tommy’s emotions for him:

“Oh... I hate you” “*laughs* Okay Tommy, you don’t hate me” “No, no I definitely do” “Noooo, you don’t hate me”

Cue Dream just blowing up Tommy’s second Summer Home after he explained that it was supposed to be a safe haven for him and Tubbo. Also note that Dream is already getting rid of any mob attacking Tommy even if at this point he still had armour and weapons to defend himself. I talked about this before, but Dream does seem to want Tommy to be as dependent on him as he is on Tommy, which is why during exile he made him dependent on him for protection/safety and company and in prison for food. Also Ghostbur going: “I don’t think this man is very nice...”, thank you Ghostbur, I wish you could remember that, but you’re trying your best and I appreciate it...

“How long is- how long am I exiled for? When can I just go back?” “You can’t (...) if you go back you die”

Again, not Dream’s decision to make. Tubbo was the one exiling Tommy meaning that, if Tubbo actually had the decision power in that istance, Tubbo was the one who should have decided when he could come back. Also, again reiterating the point from before:

“I thought I was only banished from L’Manburg, that was the deal, not the entirety of the smp-” “Oh no. No you’re banished far enough where they don’t see you”

Also, a little look into Tommy’s mentality here:

“Tubbo said he wasn’t thinking with emotion, but with reason, but: what the fuck is the point if there isn’t any- any emotion?!”

This is honestly why he is Dream’s exact opposite and probably why he finds him fun, while Tubbo is irrelevant to him. Tommy thinks emotions should always be taken into account when making decisions and he values sentimentality over everything. Dream is the opposite, to him emotions are irrelevant and sentimentality is a weakness. Tubbo is a bit of both, which makes his clash of ideologies with Dream a lot less evident. 

Anyway, they get to the island and Dream builds Tommy a dirt shack for him to set his spawn into. And then there is the first istance of Dream taking all of Tommy’s stuff (building blocks and food included) and blowing it up. Which, again, is in no way an actual exile condition. Tommy is in jail basically. He got kidnapped and now he is in jail. Also right after that Dream gives them food and obsidian (of course acting like he is doing them a big favour, when he actually just created that need), which Tommy bromptly refuses, later burning the obsidian.

Also Dream’s parting words here are: “I’ll see you never”. Which couldn’t be less true! There is quite a bit more after that, of Tommy and Ghostbur settling in, finding a ruined portal with some armour and the village nearby and Techno visiting, but this is about c!Dream and c!Tommy and it’s already incredibly long as is, so maybe I’ll talk about everything else another time...

Onto the next one: Tommy Is Alone in Exile with Dream...

This stream starts off with Bad visiting Tommy to give him a few presents (which consist of Chirp, 2 diamonds, an enderchest, and almost dead diamond pick with silk touch, some coocked chicken some bones and a few stacks of oak wood logs). Also Tommy sees Logsteshire for the first time. Then Dream arrives and he is not happy about the present (something something, having other people giving Tommy useful stuff would make him less reliant on Dream). Also Bad seems to be slightly scared of Dream since he immediately tells Tommy that he should not say that any of the stuff he gave him was from him. Anyway, Dream destroys everything, but Tommy, with Bad’s help, manages to save Chirp. Here’s their exchange in this scene of course:

“Tommy?” “Yes! Yes?!” “Do you have uh... something you wanna put on the floor here?” “Yes *throws in 3 red concrete blocks*” “Anything else Tommy?” “No! You’re evil by the way, you’re an evil man-” “Come on... I know there is something else you wanna drop down here...” “No there-... *gives disk to Bad* I don’t reckon there is!” “Okay are you sure...?” “Yes!” “Alright... how about uh- how about your armour Tommy?” “No this is- I actually earned this myself” “I know you did! Just drop it in the hole Tommy” “No, no! You can’t just come and demand things from me! I’ve been exiled, I’ve done your shit! What- what do you mean-” “Tommy~” “What?” *Dream hits Tommy with an enchanted netherite axe* “Drop them down~” “Hooooo okay okay okay!”

So, in case anyone was wondering, physical abuse is there as well. And this is fully depicted as physical abuse. Like, normally, with this being Minecraft, it is implied that violence is generally inconsequential, here though c!Tommy reacts to it clearly in pain and shock. There is no doubt there. 

Sapnap arrives at this point as well. After that Dream makes it a point that Tommy cannot have the enderchast that Bad gave him because you can never have enough random arbitrary rules when kidnapping someone apparently! 

“Why are you here? Why are you here? What- what could you- what could you possibly want more from me? You’ve tortured me-” “I’m just! I’m just... keeping an eye on you Tommy” 

I’ve highlighted this because, considering the last time Dream was there he said he would never see Tommy again, Tommy’s confusion here is more then understandable. But of course Dream acts like it’s obvious that he would be there and that it’s necessary to make sure that Tommy is not “up to no good”. Also, another extremely important exchange: 

“You’ve exiled me you stupid manipulative green bastard!” “Yeah I know! I know! And you know why I did that” “Yes? Yes?” “No, you know why” “Why?” “Because you don’t listen to me ever. You’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me (...) listen, you are like a little annoying bug in my room and it pisses me off so I take you and I put you outside and that’s what I did. And now I’m just making sure that you stay outside”

So... the bullshit about this being about George’s house is out of the window by the first proper exile stream. Also Dream goes in the ever increasing list of villains who, if annoyed enough, will reveal all their evil plans to the protagonist. Like Tommy screaches enough and Dream will immediately go in evil monologuing mode...

“So what do you actually want from me then?” “Well nothing, I’m just here to talk to you. Tommy, we’re still friends ok? Just because I exiled you doesn’t mean we’re not friends-” “Just because I killed your friends and family doesn’t mean we can’t be bros...” “Well, it’s true!”

Ok so, it’s confirmed that Dream would still go on with this “friendship” facade even if he killed Tubbo or Wilbur then. Also:

*Tommy sees a creeper* then in the most monotone tone ever: “Help me” Dream sprinting from the other side of the cave: “TOMMY!”. I love this scene and I love this two dumbasses (and I mean the cc’s here). Also, to go back to the serious stuff: once again Dream is the one killing every single mob around Tommy because he blew up all his means for defence. Also Bad and Sapnap are still there as well, but Dream is always the on interveening (mostly because he is the one following Tommy around more closely). I’ll have a few of the more interesting quotes here afterwards until the next interesting scene:

“If I had 8 legs I would fuck you all up” “Oooh, no you wouldn’t” (Dream de-valuing Tommy’s anger once again)

“Stop following me” “NO” “Well okay then...” (honestly this was just funny...)

“Can I call you Wilbur? Or is it Ghostbur...?” “You can call me whatever you like” (for those saying that Ghostbur not correcting Tommy was weird)

“Alright Wilbur, what do you need an enderchest for? I might make an exception but-” “We- we need it so that we can access our stuff from the old world, the old world” “But not to go back” “How would we be able to go back with an enderchest?” “Well I don’t know maybe there is stuff in there that’s... better” “Tommy do you have anything that could get you to go back? In the enderchest?” “A boat? What’d you mean?” “Yeah to be honest we just need wood to get back, it’s not really-” 

Here we have Ghostbur poking holes in one of the new rules that Dream added that day. As a matter of fact, why would an enderchest be dangerous? Tommy mostly keeps sentimental stuff in there and a bit of iron. Still that’s the whole point: Dream is trying to get Tommy under his control so he needs to bring him to a point where he’ll listen to his orders even when they don’t make any actual sense. Also, btw, Dream doesn’t actually give them an enderchest after this exchange.

“Do you want to come with me Tommy? Do you want to come with me and visit the old library?” “No no no” “Yes! Yes please!” “No he wants to stay here with me” “I don’t. I definitely don’t” “He does! He’s just trying to be nice to you Wilbur. He’s trying to be nice to you” “I’m not Wilbur, I want to come with you” (way to gaslight an amnesiac ghost...)

“So how long is Tommy supposed to be here?” “Like a week?” “Oh, a week is not bad!” “*laughing* No he’s here forever” (Like goddamn, imagine if every minor griefing was punished with permanent exile!)

“M-maybe like- does Tommy gets like visitations? Like once every month he get’s to go to L’Manburg-” “No! No no no” “No visitation, huh?” “No visitation” (well, let’s thank Sapnap for trying...)

So, after this Tommy gets his plan to go through the Nether and find a quick way to and from L’Manburg to, perhaps, sneak in unnoticed at some points. Dream “allows” him here to go to the Nether (even though technically there is no reason why the exile would extend to there as well), so they get to work on fixing a ruined portal. “Did you know, I apparently blew up a nation and killed everyone” (thank God we have Ghostbur, he makes everything better). One thing I want to note though: at this point Tommy still kills the mobs attacking him when Dream is not stalking him and doing it for him, which is kind of nice. We are still at the first exile stream though...

“Can I go back for like an hour and see all my friends?” “No, they can come here though. I-I mean Tommy, I think- I think that someone could come here and visit you, but you can’t ever go back. Like I-I don’t have anything against people coming here and visiting you if they want to. They don’t HAVE to, but they can if they really want to” “Tommy think of it this way: whenever you’re in prison you can’t just go and visit your friends, but they can come and visit you” “They can come and visit you, yeah, that’s actually a very- that’s a perfect analogy”

I wonder why the best analogy for Tommy’s situation is not a f*cking exile analogy, but actual prison. Maybe because he is confined to one place, not allowed to keep any personal items and never allowed to go back? Also they actually get to Nether hub at this point and there is the famous scene with Tommy looking at the lava: 

A curious thing about this scene (aside from being a clear indication of the beginning of Tommy’s depressive spiral) is both that Dream didn’t seem to particularly care about Tommy dying up until now (and in the future as well) as long as he is the one to kill him. Meaning that he seemed fine with it as long as he had control over it. And yet at the end there he agrees with Tommy’s statement of “it’s never my time to die” which kinda makes me think that Dream by this point was already entirely set on his idea of Tommy needing to be alive for Dream to control the whole server. Tommy and Dream head back to Logstedshire after this scene.

*Tommy looks at the lava while standing very close to the edge* “I’ll go back through just to... check and see” *Dream hits Tommy away from the edge* “Come on” *Tommy goes back to the edge and Dream pushes him away again, this time covering the hole* “It’s not your time to die yet Tommy” “It’s never my time to die” “That’s true” 

“Home sweet home...” “Home sweet home. I think it’ll be good! People might visit you all the time, I mean, I can visit you! It’s- it’s actually fun to come here! It’s a little bit- it’s a change of scenery, you know?” “It’s not fun to be stuck here” “Well... you’re not ’stuck’ it’s your vacation home!” “Can I go back? I’m ready...” “No but you can leave this area, you can go somewhere else. This is just- like, I took you far away, you can go further if you want”

So, if anyone is wondering, this is not, in fact, Dream giving Tommy more freedom. Especially considering that when Tommy does leave Logstedshire later on Dream literally hunts him down, so no, that was never an option. What Dream is doing here is make himself sound benevolent by comparison by telling Tommy that the only other options he has are worse since they are even further away.

“I’m here for a good time, not for a long time” (more hints towards Tommy’s depressive spiral)

“Guys how do you know when it’s too much?” (and again)

“Can I go and see the tree?” “Tommy, you can’t go and see the tree” “Dream why don’t you let him just- it’s not in L’Manburg! Why don’t you let him just see the tree and then escort him back?” 

Ghostbur my beloved, pointing out holes in Dream’s rules all the time. Something tells me that’s the reason why Dream tried to kill him later on...

Anyway! This concludes this first post because it’s... Oh fuck this is REALLY long.... welp! I’ll make the others in the next few days! 

[kittydemon9000]

Wait but for Into the Kaiverse, you mentioned them collecting more Kais, right? What other Kais would they collect?

Because idk if it’s what you have in mind but my brain is screaming ‘AUS’ at the top of it’s lungs so it’s just like-

— Modern no power au Kai who lives a normal life and is horrified by all of this crazy stuff that’s suddenly happening

— That Dragon Kai au you have so Kai’s a literal dragon and everyone else is like ??????? while Dragon!Kai is trying to figure out why there’s ‘Hunter’ versions of him-

— Based off of the previous one, maybe some kind of Oni Kai au (because then they could clash while the other Kais freak out and have no idea what to do)

— Some au where Kai is/was turned evil (and is possibly keeping that a secret so he can use the others to take over ALL the Ninjagos)

— Medieval au where Kai’s like a knight or something (idk if it would be funnier for it to be fantasy where he knows about magic or normal where he doesn’t and is screaming “WITCHCRAFT” the whole time-)

Again I have no idea if that’s the kind of thing you’re thinking of but I’m just finding the idea of really confused and VERY different au versions Kai trying to work together hilarious-

And the one thing they all have in common is that they all love their little brother Lloyd

Okay so, short answer: Yes

Long answer: JHERSBFHJDRBGHJDBFH Y E S

okay so I actually was thinking of just. Mishmashing some of my AUs together, at the very least Merlopian Kai and Smith Swap Kai, but I like your idea a lot better.

Though quick idea for how I kinda wanted all of it to really start going. The short with Aki was sort of a prologue for the AU idea, that he was there in the world and wanted to make things difficult as well as wanting to find a way to essential stop any kind of realm travel, which as you can imagine would raise a few issues. At....some point during SPBNR Aki’ll end up getting his hands on this realm’s equivalent of a Realm Crystal or possibly another Relic but was stopped by Smith and Red(M!Kai), starting the whole issue. I am leaning toward another kind of relic, maybe something that binds to the user however since Aki is a clone it counts Smith, so maybe at some point they end up accidentally breaking it in half which allows Smith+Others to chase after Aki.

Anyway, onto what you’ve just brought up: I'll talk about them in order, and because why not let’s say that’s the order they get picked up in.

Love the idea of Modern Kai, assuming he still meets the team but through different circumstances. Maybe he still works in metal working, but yeah he’s very confused when someone looking like him only with paler skin and glowing eyes steps out of a freaking portal only to get tackled from behind by two other people who look weirdly like him. When he gets picked up they eventually decide to nickname him Nep, short for No Elemental Power

Next, I vote Merlopian and during the S7 time skip. This one actually happens because the three chased Aki, but lost him once they came through the portal. They decided to try and seek out this Universe’s ninja to see if they can help, which they do their best. All three of the Kai’s are like “You go into water?? Willingly????” They just call him Mer.

Next up, Dragon Kai, but with a slight twist. I was actually thinking of making an au of that au where Kai….never actually tries to go back to Ninjago and instead just vibes in the First Realm. He’s aware he’s different from the other dragons, but has no idea he used to be human, nor that he has a human family. So yeah. Lost Dragon.

ANYWAY HOW HE JOINS! When the Squad comes out of the portal, they at first think they’re in some kind of Post-Apocalyptic Type Universe which freaks them out a little bit, especially when they’re captured by the Hunters. However, similar to S9, Smith pulls a HTTYD and befriends the captive Fire Dragon, who is, you guessed it, this universe’s Kai. Once they find out he’s sentient, they end up throwing around names to call him and eventually they settle on Drake.

Next up, Oni Kai! This is technically also one of my AUs, but I’m just not finished with the info dump. Drake almost goes ballistic and they don’t know why for a while until he reveals himself as an Oni. He and Drake don’t get along very well but decide to put aside their differences since the fate of the Multiverse is at stake. They end up nicknaming him Willow, short for Will-o-wisp since his fire is….a little weird. Namely it’s purple and he can chose whether it burns people or not, and when he does want it to burn there ain’t nothing putting it out.

Next up, Smith Swap. Smol Kai go Brrrr and they all adopt him immediately. However, him joining the squad….didn’t happen in the best of ways. It was actually an accident. You see…..Aki may or may not have taken him hostage and stolen The Destiny’s Wish……y e a h.(his nickname is Ember because smol fire)

But then, they actually aren’t able to go after him immediately because while trying to get him back Smith got pretty hurt and Willow and Mer are tying to figure out their next move and then Drake had shifted back during the fight and is having a small identify crisis since his memories still aren’t completely back and it doesn’t help that Nya’s angry and Nep is freaking out and Red is trying desperately to hold them together and yeah it’s just a mess.

So it’s 2 weeks before they’re able to actually go anywhere, and that’s only because Smith ignored the doctor’s advice and only took the minimum rest period but the others all made him swear to take it easy and that they would handle all the fighting.

So they jump into the next universe to get him back, which is now the Medival one. For this one magic does exist but only a select few can do it. Medival Kai, who they eventually called Ruby because of reasons soon to be explained, is not aware he is one of these users.

However, let’s rewind a bit to when Ember and Aki first came here. Aki ends up causing quite a bit of issues since “hey this place is magic rich, they’re bound to have some ways to seal off all the realms” and thus ends up trying to kidnap several magic users of various kinds. Medival!Jay, Zane and Nya were actually among those captured.

Ofc, this extremely pisses off Ruby and starts taking steps to get them back. They know where his base is, but because Aki is coercing Ember by threatening the hostages(specifically Nya) there are some higher tech defenses which they don’t know how to counter. It also doesn’t help that Aki put vengestone everywhere so they can’t have magic users destroy the defenses.

That’s when the Kai’s show up.

Understandably the Medieval’s are suspicious, however they really want to get rid of this jerk. So they do and Smith is really upset he’s stuck on planning. It goes pretty well, they get the magic users, Ruby finds out “hey you have powers,” however Aki still gets away.

Now, this is getting really long, so I’ll do the next(and probably last) bit in another post

[spinda-draws]

The Borg of Both Worlds Ch. 2

Synopsis || After being defeated once and for all, Hacker decides the only thing for him to do is go to the real world and give the Earth brats a bit of grief. Jackie ends up being the main target for his new spree of mischief, but could there be more to the borg than meets the eye?

"Hello, Earth brat!"

Jackie froze, staring at the stranger sitting at the breakfast table as her brain tried to catch up to what she was seeing and hearing. From the evidence she could only draw one conclusion. And yet, that couldn't be right. Right? It just didn't make sense.

"H-hacker?!"

She shook her head in disbelief even as she said it. It was just too crazy to be real. He didn't even look anything like the borg. He was... well human for a start with olive toned skin and a finely chiseled jaw which slanted down to a familiar, if not significantly reduced, chin. His hair— or was it still a wig, she couldn't quite tell— was permed into a fifties style do Jackie had only ever seen in black and white movies.

"Good morning. I trust you had a restful night? I know a little midnight snack has me out like—" He snapped his fingers so loudly it nearly caused Jackie to jump. She just stood there watching him, unsure if she should scream, throw something at him, or just crawl back into bed until she woke up for real.

The man picked up a butter knife, using it to spread the contents of a jar of orange marmalade over his toast. On the breakfast table beside him were the remains of a now empty package of bread.

"Wait, that's—" Before she could finish her sentence, the events of the night before came flooding back and suddenly it dawned on her exactly what he was up to. This was his twisted and childish attempt at retaliation after she'd taken his yogurt! No. Taken a yogurt that was unlabeled from a fridge in what was practically her second home. And now he was here attempting to get under her skin by doing the same. She looked at him and could see the smarmy grin that was already starting to spread all over his ridiculous face.

"That's...?" He waited for her to finish, almost as if he were baiting her into contradicting herself.

"Different."

Urgh. She had told herself in her head to shut up, but for some reason she couldn't help it. That look he gave brought out something in her that just wanted to have the last word. As much as she hated herself for stooping to his level, there was no turning back now.

"No one invited you here," she continued. "How are you here anyways? And why do you look like that?"

Hacker looked down at himself, adjusting how the purple cardigan he wore fitted over his shoulders. Outside of his usual villain attire, and especially now that he wasn't even green, he looked almost disturbingly ordinary. "A temporary modification, but it granted me compatibility enough to get through the portal. Complicated science, though it was hardly an obstacle with my rare genius." He shrugged, seeming none too happy with his altered appearance. Maybe not surprising seeing how much he seemed to obsess over his cyborg looks.

"Wait, do you mean you build some kind of weird machine to look like that?"

"Thank you for your mediocre restatement of what I just said. But yes, I build a 'weird machine'," he clarified with air quotes.

"In one night?"

"It took about six weeks actually. My career in evil seems to have hit a temporary roadblock, so I thought, 'Hey, why not give Earth a try?'." He shrugged, flippantly polishing off what remained of the toast before getting up for another look inside the fridge.

Unlike the one at Control Central which was always completely stocked thanks to Digit, Jackie's kitchen sat nearly empty. Her mother went shopping once a week and bought just enough with the two of them, around half of their meals being take-out anyways. It being a Sunday, there wasn't much left, but a few jars of condiments, sauces and a nearly empty carton of eggs.

"How did you find my house?!" she cried, stunned by his flippancy. Hacker finding his way to Earth was something that had gnawed at the back of her mind for years now. But since the villain had never so much as attempted such a ploy, she'd begun to doubt such a thing was even possible. Now he was just here, after barely two months worth of effort and the first thing he decided to do was raid her fridge. She was almost ready to laugh.

"Oh please. Don't insult me," Hacker scoffed. "Those little portal openers of Marbles's have the security of an all night drive thru."

"You came in through my bedroom?! That's so creepy!"

"Yes, yes." He rolled his eyes. "Don't make this weird." He pulled out the last two remaining eggs and cracked them into a pan over the stove top. "Looks like someone needs to buy more food," he tut-tutted.

Jackie didn't feel like she had the strength to deal with much more of this man and his bull. She slumped down into one of the kitchen chairs and just sat there watching him fry his eggs. But she couldn't just... let Hacker have the last laugh. Not even when the stakes seemed as relatively low as they did. She had to hit him hard. Where it hurt.

When the perfect comeback finally came to mind she found herself slouching back smugly in her seat, gathering all the bitterness she could muster in her tone. Her eyes narrowed and she stared at him, lips flattened into a humorless smile. "I. Like. Your. Chin."

Each annunciated syllable looked like it was a lit poker beneath the shoulder blades for the dimension hopping cyborg. If it was possible to snap one's own neck, Hacker looked like he did when he spun around to glare daggers at the girl.

"Zip it! It's not my fault your universe hates ART!" he wailed, instinctively reaching for his missing appendage. His tone was so filled with despair Jackie might have pitied him. At least once she got done laughing.

He took his hands off his shrunken chin in just long enough to long enough to flip his eggs before opening his mouth for a retort. Before he could utter a word, Jackie heard her mother's voice from upstairs, followed by the distant sound of footsteps muffled by carpet. "Jackie? Who are you talking to?"

A sudden panic struck the young teen. How was she supposed to explain this? The full grown stranger in their kitchen? Had her mother actually heard their conversation? "You have to go—" she cried, nearly choking on air. She was fully intent on trying to shove the borg through a window or out the front door, but by the time she'd turned to where he'd been standing, Hacker had already disappeared, with only the eggs still sizzling on the stove to convince her it hadn't all been some kind of hallucination.

"Jackie?" Her mother's voice was louder now and a moment later the girl looked up to see her coming down the stairs to check on her.

Thinking fast, she flicked on the fan above the stove and slid the eggs onto a plate. When she heard her mother entering the kitchen, she pretended to glance up for the first time. "Good morning, mom. Just making some eggs," she chuckled awkwardly. "I, err... already ate." She hadn't of course, but Hacker had and she didn't want her mother to go hungry until lunch.

"Thank you, sweetie," her mom said, giving her a kiss on the cheek and taking the plate of eggs. "How thoughtful. Is there anything you want me to pick up at the store today?"

"Hmm... if they have any black and white cookies on sale," she suggested, playing with her bracelet. She wondered if Hacker was really gone or if he wasn't just hiding somewhere else in the house. One thing was sure, stealing their bread would not be the extent of his deeds now that he was here.

As her mother ate, Jackie quickly clambered back upstairs, peeking into every door and closet on the way to make sure Hacker wasn't hidden somewhere. She even checked inside the tub and under the bathroom sink.

Once she felt moderately satisfied that she and her mother were alone in the house she retreated to her room, fingers fumbling for the flip phone on her desk. She had to admit to herself she was unsure how to handle the situation. Should they tell Mother B? It almost seemed counterintuitive since the cyber ruler had always counted on them when it came to Hacker in the past. Plus now that he no longer had access to the Wreaker and all its weapons, he couldn't be that dangerous right?

Urgh, of course not. They were doomed. Earth was doomed. She opened up her texts and was about to start typing when she noticed someone had already sent her a message. 

Jackie: We nd 2 talk.

Matt: Waz up?

Jackie: Can u mt 2day?

Matt: Lol. House on fire?

The teen found herself looking up from her phone for a moment to pause and seethe in frustration at the boy. She loved him, but god did he make her blood boil sometimes.

Jackie: (~_~;)

Matt: Dnt worry. Inz n me go’n 2 lbrary. See u 1 hr.

Jackie: Thx.

She pocketed her phone and started searching the back of her closet for her bike helmet. By the time she'd found it, she could hear the sound of her mother's car pulling out of its parked spot on the corner. She heaved a sigh. At least she could be sure she wouldn't be leaving her mother alone with Hacker. All the same, she didn't feel absolutely secure until she didn't another thorough sweep of the house. Nothing.

After making sure all the windows were locked tight, she took her key and the spare her mother left under the welcome mat before finally setting off. The November air was bitterly cold and after a few blocks Jackie could barely feel her fingertips as they clung onto the grips of her handlebars. It was mostly the idea Hacker might have still been lingering rather than anything specific she imagined him doing that made her want to get out of the house as quickly as possible.

Once she made it to the library, she chained her bike outside, rubbing her hands vigorously as she headed in. As she suspected, neither of her friends had gotten there yet. Matt who lived just outside of town probably would take the full hour if not longer just to get there and Inez, who'd probably just gotten up herself, knowing that, would have taken her time walking.

Jackie set her coat down on a seat in one corner of the main reading room before getting up to pace nervously up and down the isles of books, rehearsing what she was going to say in her head. Eventually, she found herself wandering beside a familiar digital map hung on the wall. 

The glass screen had gotten scuffed up over the years by geasey fingers and rough nails, but it still seemed to function perfectly. She raised a hand, about to interact with the screen, but at the last minute pulled away. Part of her fearing just a touch would repeat what had been done three years ago. 

When she finally heard the sound of her friends arriving, she ran to the door. "Hey, Jax. Seriously, what's the matter?" Matt said, noticing the panicked intensity on her face as she rushed towards them. "I barely got done with chores before you texted."

"Nothing good," she nearly screamed, though she managed to keep her voice just above a whisper. "Hacker's here."

"W-what?!" Her friends responded in unison.

"Are you serious?" Matt hissed. "Like on Earth?"

"Are you sure? Did you actually see him?" Inez asked. "Like up close?"

Jackie grabbed her younger friend by the shoulders as the three of them collectively headed toward the back. "I talked to him. I woke up and he was in my house."

"That's crazy! What did he do? W-what did he want?!" Inez cried, looking around as if expecting the borg to suddenly appear.

"He said... actually he didn't really say anything. Just tried to mess with my head." Jackie sat down with a huff and folded her arms. "Urgh. This is all ‘cause I accidentally took his yogurt last night."

"You were in Cyberspace last night?" Matt asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah... I just needed a minute. You know." She shrugged, trying to pass it off his nothing before giving her friends a brief play by play of what had happened.

"Well I'm sure he couldn't have gotten far," Inez said. "I mean he doesn't exactly blend in around here. Not that he does in Cyberspace either."

"Wrong, Inez. He built some kind of machine that makes him look human. He looks completely normal. But I think you'll still know when you see him. There's something about his face. Is it stupid to say he looks evil?"

Matt actually laughed. "My dad says bad guys don't come with a label, but I think I know exactly what you mean. He's not exactly subtle. But come on Jax, he has to have bigger plans than yogurt revenge."

"I don't know," Inez said, adjusting her glasses. "Remember that Mother's Day when he tried to destroy some flowers? I wouldn't discount petty. But if he is using some kind of machine, maybe we can use it to bring him back to Cyberspace. Kind of like with the Transformatron?"

"Right, if we shut it off, maybe it will send him back," Matt agreed. "We should definitely let Motherboard know. See if she and Doctor Marbles can find out where Hacker is storing the thing. Motherboard hasn't let him out of Control Central so it shouldn't be too hard to find, right?"

The trio piled into one of the private meeting rooms in the back. Normally, one would have to book a time to use it but it was currently unoccupied and the librarians weren't likely to mind them locking themselves in for a few minutes.

Inez took out her squwak and called for Motherboard. The cyber ruler appeared almost immediately. It still surprised Jackie sometimes how much better she was day to day after having her virus cured. She'd known nothing but the sick Motherboard for so long, it had become the norm. The bespectacled girl gave Motherboard a quick rundown of the situation, explaining they had no idea about Hacker's current whereabouts other than he was likely still in the area.

"Thank you for telling me, cybermates," the cyber ruler sighed. Jackie could see, cured or not, she was tired of her son's constant attempts at causing trouble. "I will ask Doctor Marbles to have the machine procured, but it will be too dangerous to shut it off with Hacker still on Earth."

"Dangerous how?" Jackie asked.

"Beings of Cyberspace be they borg or otherwise, are typically incompatible with Earth's laws of reality. If Hacker has figured out a way to get around that, abruptly shutting off the machine before he's back in Cyberspace will likely delete him from existence," she explained. "He's not been the easiest to manage over the years, but I would prefer us not to resort to such extremes." One by one the trio nodded in understanding. Jackie couldn't help but wonder, as best as she tried to remain impartial, if she still cared for Hacker the way a mother would. It was a strange thing to acknowledge, and she quickly put the thought out of her mind.

"Then what do we do?" she asked, hoping the computer would have some kind of feasible plan for them. The last thing she wanted was to have the borg wandering around her neighborhood for who knew how long.

"Catch him alone," she instructed. "I'll create a portal that will send him back."

"Got it," Matt nodded. "That shouldn't be hard. Jackie had him alone just this morning."

"In the meantime, take care, cybermates."

"Motherboard, wait," Inez asked. "Do you have any idea what he could want? I mean, should we be worried about him trying to take over Earth?"

The woman stared through the screen, silent for a moment. To Jackie it almost looked as if she was holding back on her response. "No. Without the Wreaker he's harmless. He simply as a tendency to... avoid taking responsibility."

Before anyone could ask what she meant, the cyber ruler had vanished from the screen, leaving the trio to shoot each other befuddled looks. Matt was the first to speak. "What do you think she meant?"

"I think she's just over it," Jackie heaved a sigh. "And I am too. I mean I care about Cyberspace. Of course I do, but I'm sick and tired of Hacker messing everything up. And this time we can't even pause time to deal with it like we usually do. We can't just ditch school to look for Hacker!"

"Maybe we can take turns keeping an eye out," Inez suggested. "Like alternate days after school. Oh man, but where would we even start looking? Do we just wait for him to come to us?"

"Maybe if we all slept over at Jackie's house until he showed up," Matt joked. "Hey, when's the last time we've had a slumber party?"

"Not since 6th grade," Inez muttered. "My parents would never let me now. Especially not with a guy."

"We could hide out in her bushes with popcorn until he showed up."

"Don't even think about it, Matt!" Jackie hissed, paranoid by just the idea of anyone parked in her bushes.

The boy shrugged. "Well then what?"

"I guess I’ll just have to handle him on my own,” she huffed, not happy with the idea, but not exactly seeing a way around it short of being followed by Matt and Inez everywhere for the rest of her life. “In between midterms, gymnastics and my piano recital. Lucky me."

Her friends stared at each other, visibly concerned, causing Jackie to quickly grow self conscious. “I’m sure it won’t be that hard. I mean, we must have beaten him a hundred times by now.”

“He’ll probably be back in Cyberspace by the end of the week,” Matt reassured her with a smile. The girl nodded and the trio made a three way fist bump before Jackie left them to their work. 

It had been a blow to her at the start of the semester to find that she didn’t share a single class with either of the two friends she’d seen almost daily for the last three years. And the fact they shared a few with each other, made it feel as if the trio were gradually drifting apart. What would things be like in a few years when they were all in college, now that they didn’t even have the excuse of fighting Hacker to see each other?  

Jackie did her best to brush away these uncomfortable thoughts as she stopped by a bakery on the way back. Since Hacker had taken the last of their food, she was starving by the time she sat down for her, now brunch. Not wanting to look too conspicuous, bringing home food after having apparently eaten, she sat down to finish her coffee and blueberry muffin before heading home.

She carried her bike up the steps leading to the door, pausing a moment to catch her breath and get out her key. It was then she heard voices from inside. Her guard going up suddenly, she stared at the door, trying to focus on the sound and pick up what was being said. Her mother didn't exactly have people over all that often.

Before he could catch a word of conversation, she could hear the sound of maniacal laughter from the kitchen. "Mom?!" she cried, going into a sudden panic as she realized who must have been in the house with her.

She flung the door open, not bothering to bring the bike inside or even take off her helmet as she flew into the kitchen. "Mom! Are you... okay?" Her words lost all their conviction as she noticed her mother had been laughing too. With Hacker?

Sure enough the two of them were in the kitchen together, chatting while her mother rinsed off some broccoli in preparation for lunch. "Oh, Jackie. Welcome back. Mr. Hacker, your new assistant math teacher, just moved into the apartment down the street." Jackie stared gobsmacked at Mr. Hacker, now sitting completely at home at the breakfast table with a plate of cookies from the store and a tall glass of lemonade.

"Oh, yes. We've already gotten to be great friends in class," he said, giving her an innocent wave. "Hope you have tomorrow's assignments done. Can't let those grades slip," he tut-tutted, wearing his new role of the altruistic educator like a glove.

Her mother just smiled at her, gesturing for her to go upstairs and get started. "I'll bring you up a snack in a minute."

"O-Okay," she said, still confused, but heading towards the stairs.

"I'll be seeing you tomorrow." Jackie froze mid-step. Was that a threat? She turned back to glare at Hacker, wishing looks could kill. Hacker just flashed that stupid, smug grin of his and dismissively waved her away.

As she trudged her way up, she could hear the adults resume their conversation. Hacker seemed to have fed her mother some lie about working at her school. It was clever she had to admit since just being an assistant meant it wouldn't be difficult to explain away her not running into him on parent teacher night or any other school events. She thought about calling Motherboard and just getting the whole thing done with now that Hacker had reappeared, but having to explain everything that had been going on the last three years behind her mother's back was not something she thought either of them could handle right then.

"Oh, believe me. A career change this late in life is no cake walk," Hacker lamented, his tone dripping with its usual sickening melodrama. "I would not recommend it. All the extra hours and they act like you haven’t worked before." His massive ego meant he could never resist the urge to play the showman, although her mother didn't seem to notice this flaw.

"Old job that bad, huh?”

“You have no idea.” He seemed to chuckle at this twist of irony. "And line of work are you in, Aaliyah?”

Jackie’s jaw nearly hit the floor. As she reached the landing, she slowly sat herself down and began eavesdropping, her heart pounding against something swollen and burning in her chest. The girl hadn't bitten her nails since she was eight years old, but now seemed like as good a time as any to relapse. Sitting half in the dark at the top of the steps, she stared down at the light from the kitchen, mind fixed on every syllable that was uttered. Whatever his plan was, there was no way she was going to leave her mother alone with that creep. Not even for a moment.

[yellowocaballero]

Human Relations Snippet: Tim teaches Jon the internet and odious goats are sacrificed to the cult of Bezos

There’s no reason for this to exist. I was rereading a bit of HR and I saw a throwaway joke about Jon wanting to buy Martin a Portal Gun. I started wondering about how that would even work. The answer is, obviously, a 200 year old man squinting at a computer screen wondering why there’s so many horny singles in his area. I get possessed by demons easily, so I took three hours out of writing my daemon au and wrote this instead. Bon Appetit. 

(Edit, quick clarification: I think that Jon would refuse to use the name for the Beholding that Smirke made up, and although all of this exists in my head and you guys don’t know this, there was a lot of tension between Jon and Jonah’s ‘circle’. So Jon hated Smirke and thought he was a hack. He uses Smirke’s terms to others sometimes for ease of understanding or in deference to Jonah (:/) but I think that mentally he mainly calls the Beholding his own name, The Witness. It rings of that personal and intimate connection Jon and the Beholding has. Anyway, onto the story.)

After one hour in anguished uncertainty, fifty popups that advised Jon of very many ‘hot singles in his area’, six separate sites that Jon’s God had to inform him were covers for thieves that stole money from you, and a very confusing retreat to Jon’s favorite internet page ‘Wikipedia’ as to what an Amazon was, Jon had given up.

Normally this was where he asked one of his personal assistants for help. Normally, he wouldn’t even be trying, and he would have just told one of them to do it. This was how Jon had cunningly mostly avoided using computers for the past twenty years. Some endeavors were unavoidable, and Jon was proud to say that he mastered email in 2010. Or was it 2008? He liked to think it was 2006, but it was possible...never mind. If it was important, the Witness would tell him. 

After one hour in anguished uncertainty, fifty popups that advised Jon of very many ‘hot singles in his area’, six separate sites that Jon’s God had to inform him were covers for thieves that stole money from you, and a very confusing retreat to Jon’s favorite internet page ‘Wikipedia’ as to what an Amazon was, Jon had given up.

Normally this was where he asked one of his personal assistants for help. Normally, he wouldn’t even be trying, and he would have just told one of them to do it. This was how Jon had cunningly mostly avoided using computers for the past twenty years. Some endeavors were unavoidable, and Jon was proud to say that he mastered email in 2010. Or was it 2008? He liked to think it was 2006, but it was possible...never mind. If it was important, the Witness would tell him.

Peter Lukas was right on almost nothing, Jon thought disgruntledly as he slammed his laptop shut - including in his taste of men, company, philosophies, men, patron deities, professions, and men - but he was right in his proclamation that the internet was the degradation of society. Not that he hadn’t sacrificed his morality and sold out, feeding his patron through something called “incel forums” and “Reddit”. Between him, Jonah’s “Excel spreadsheets” and “TurboTax”, and Annabelle Cane’s ridiculous “MMO guilds”, the Society was filling with computer geeks. Jon could always read the wind: he had to keep up, and quickly. 

Besides, Martin had kindly educated him on how it was almost unheard of for a young man like Jon to not understand how to work that Goggle thing. Giggle? Martin was very streetwise and was one of the most insightful people Jon had ever known, he was definitely right. 

Which is why he had to buy him this “Portal Gun” that he wanted. He had even shown Jon the website! And if Jon was in desperate times trying to navigate these confusing webpages entirely with URLs he memorized, then he would take desperate measures!

“I’m going down to the Archives,” Jon said, slithering off the couch and clutching his laptop to chest. Jonah had bought it for him. He appeared surprised that Jon was using it. “I may not be back for a while. I need...a book.”

Jonah didn’t look away from his own infernal machine. It seemed he was on that ‘Excel’ program again. Was it one of those ‘video games’ he kept hearing about? “Do I want to know what you were doing on that laptop.”

“Reading Wikipedia,” Jon said immediately, and somewhat defensively. Jon had discovered Wikipedia in 2001 before promptly funding it and throwing his weight behind its development. He had spent a solid five years convinced a computer was a kind of electronic screen that let you read digital Encyclopedia pages, like in Star Trek. He’d seen Star Trek. Georgie made him. “Did you know that -”

“Yes, yes, have fun. Haven’t you read that entire site already?”

“Not even,” Jon said defensively. “I can’t just sit and read through entire Encyclopedias anymore, Jonah. We know more things now.”

“What a way to describe the last two hundred years,” Jonah said, not even looking away from his computer. “We know more things. Never change, Jon.”

“You’re the one who never changes,” Jon grumbled. But it was a weak comeback, and considering his brand new delightfully short stature somewhat untrue, so Jon breezed out of Jonah’s office with full knowledge that he’d think of a better comeback halfway down the steps to the Archives.

In fact, it wasn’t until he was at the door, and by then he felt stupid for losing a point against Jonah anyway. He easily opened the door, stepping inside and quickly bee-lining for Sasha’s office. Her burgeoning powers were wonderfully flowing in the shape of access to and understanding of technology. He had never seen such gratuitous breeches of privacy as she casually committed. Every day Jon was validated in his decision to save her from the Stranger. A balance, an equal yet opposite Archivist from Jon, would be invaluable. Not that Jonah and Jon weren’t their own yin and yang, but Jonah’s powers were paltry and out-of-date. Mind reading and spying through iconography was so 1960. They needed fresh blood. 

Sasha had been a wonderful choice, and Jon didn’t regret choosing her to act as saviour. Most of the time. Some of the time she -

“She’s not in.”

Jon’s fist halted in front of the door, about to sharply rap on her office door. He turned around to actually look through the bullpen, only to see that Timothy was sitting in his chair chewing a sandwich. Somehow angrily. Definitely suspiciously. 

“Are you sure?” Jon asked dubiously. “Because you’ve lied about this before.”

“Because you should stop coming down here and bothering her.” Timothy balled the saran wrap in his hand and dunked it in the trash can, somehow undoubtedly giving the impression that he wished it was Jon’s head. “Just bugger off.”

Someone was in a snit. Normally Timothy wasn’t this hostile. Jon had thought that learning his name might make him less mean, but it did little to help. But when Jon looked around he didn’t see Martin, and a quick check assured him that both Sasha and Martin were having lunch at their favorite deli and engaging in that plotting hobby they both enjoyed. Timothy had elected to stay behind, stewing in his own angry and paranoid juices. 

He would have to do this with Martin out of the Archives...and he really wanted to take care of this now so Martin would get it before the weekend...and it wasn’t as if Jon was scared of this boy he was one hundred and seventy years older than…

“Uh,” Jon said intelligently, “can you help me with...something…”

Timothy’s face twisted in a novel combination of surprise and disgust. “What,” he sneered, “your evil fear god or whatever can’t figure it out for you?”

“I don’t need others to think for me,” Jon said stiffly. It was something he’d had to say far too many times. “The Witness is less helpful with...troubleshooting...look, do you know how to work a computer?”

Timothy stared at him blankly. “Like, at all?”

“I’m trying to buy Martin this toy he desires,” Jon said desperately. Fuck it all, he walked over and sat down in the chair next to Tim’s desk. He pulled a little bit closer, placing his laptop on Tim’s desk, and ignored the way the other man leaned away. “But whenever I try I keep on seeing alerts about hot singles. I’m not interested in young women, I just need to buy a ‘Portal Gun’. Do you know what a Portal Gun is?”

Timothy continued staring at him, eyebrows raised. Clearly involuntarily, so quick that he may not even have noticed, one corner of his lips was ticking upwards into a smile. 

“How many credit card scams have you fallen for?”

“Absolutely none,” Jon said, very quickly. He pulled out his credit card, placing it on the table. He knew a credit card was involved, although he didn’t know how. “What do I do? Do I swipe it? Is there a port?” He picked up the laptop and squinted at its sides, looking for a port. “I wanted to ask Sasha for help, since she’s the expert in hacking, but surely you know the basics?”

“I mean...I can’t, like, code, but yeah, I can work Amazon.” Timothy carefully opened the laptop, watching the display light up. He effortlessly navigated to an icon on the screen, clicking it open. 

“That’s not right,” Jon said urgently. “You’re supposed to press the E.”

“I do not want to know how many toolbars you have,” Timothy said bluntly. “We’re using Chrome. That’s another way to look at the Internet.” He rubbed his hands together. “Yeah, I got a grandmother, we can do this.”

Jon perked up. “So you’ll help?”

Went unsaid: even though you hate me?

“Whatever,” Timothy grumbled. Jon decided not to press his luck. 

Jon decided that he liked the Chrome better than the Internet Explorer, because it was simpler and Google was on the first page. Tim rapidly typed on ‘Amazon.com’ into the search bar and easily scrolled through the very busy and picture filled page that immediately popped up. Why was everything so fast? Maybe this was why the young people had no attention span: these pages just came up immediately. No flipping for indices for finding anything in phone books. 

“Right. What was it, a Portal Gun? Like from the game?”

“A board game?”

“Video game.”

“Like on a VHS…?”

“Right.” Tim pinched the bridge of his nose. “You know, Sasha said that you’re one of the most famous sociologists and anthropologists in British history.”

“I am extremely intelligent, Timothy, and I won’t abide any insinuation otherwise,” Jon said curtly. “I cannot be expected to keep constant track every time there’s another - iPhone or whatever. You have teenagers in your family, correct? Do you always know what they’re talking about? That’s, what, a twenty year age gap? Multiply that by ten.”

That shut him up. Timothy sighed again, much more aggressively, but he clicked the white bar and typed in ‘portal gun’ anyway. “Right. Not fucking apologizing, but right. I still don’t fucking know what ‘Twitch’ is.”

“It’s a brief spasmodic contraction of the muscle fibers,” Jon said helpfully. “Fascinatingly, this phenomenon was first observed in frog’s legs before I was even born in 1780, by Luigi Galvani. Erudite man, by the way, but he couldn’t hold his liquor. It was the birth of the study of bioelectricity, although the exact mechanism of muscle contraction eluded scientists for years.”

“Never mind.” Timothy sighed again, the perfect mix of aggravated and long-suffering. It seemed to be the man’s two favorite emotions. “My grandmother has a PhD and she still can’t figure out her cell, either. We had to get her a Jitterbug.”

Amazon, as Timothy explained, was a kind of shopping mall, except you could pick out what you wanted by its picture and have the shopping mall pack it up and send it to you. Jon didn’t quite understand why people preferred this to just going to a shop yourself, seeing as you could get it immediately instead of with a three or four day turnaround, but Tim explained that Amazon was cheaper, had a wider selection, and didn’t make you get off the couch.

“Oh,” Jon said, finally getting it, “this follows the economic model of large scale businesses underpricing their products to undercut smaller businesses in the area, driving them out of business until they hold monopoly over the market and can raise their prices without worrying about staying competitive.”

Timothy stared at him. 

“I mean,” he said, “I guess?”

“This explains why my Alexa project was successful so quickly,” Jon mused. “With a lack of competition or alternatives, consumers are more likely to accept the dramatic invasions of privacy as normal. Normalizing intrusions into privacy took ages, but my early efforts paid off very well. The Ring doorbell was even better, along with the line of security and home protection systems. We’re now working on live streamed 24/7 surveillance to social media platforms.”

Timothy stared at him further. 

Finally, he said, “Alexa was...you?”

“Of course,” Jon said, baffled. Who else would it be? “I gave Jeff the idea and convinced him it would be profitable. I didn’t understand the whole mechanics of it, but once I gave Jeff a vision from the Witness he was eager to implement the divinely inspired spyware.”

Timothy continued to stare. 

“The evil fear god controls Jeff Bezos.”

“He thinks I’m a prophet, actually,” Jon said helpfully. “I let him become Cardinal of the imaginary cult in exchange for funding some of my more esoteric programs. Had him sacrifice a goat and everything, it was great.” At Timothy’s alarmed look, Jon was quick to elaborate, “It was the most evil goat you’ve met in your life. Morally odious.”

“...for my sanity I’m going to pretend that you said none of that.”

In retrospect, although Timothy had worked at the Institute for a few years, it did take quite a bit of time to acclimate to the fact that the Avatars permanently shaped the shape of human existence in order to better feed their gods. Jon knew better than anyone: when humanity made gods, and gods made man, and man made gods...the feedback loop could self-perpetuate for years. Eternity, if needed. 

But they had no luck on ‘Amazon’. With Jon’s eidetic memory he was able to easily pick out the one that looked most similar to the one that Martin had showed him, but all of the little toy guns were for someone named ‘Rick’. Then Timothy took twenty laborious minutes explaining the entire plot of ‘Rick & Morty’ to him, which Jon patiently sat through. 

“I think young people today deeply enjoy explaining media,” Jon said, once Timothy finished telling him the funny jokes. “I’m very interested in your interests, Timothy.”

“You are so fucking condescending. And please call me Tim, you’re sounding even more like my grandmother.” When Jon brightened, Tim - Tim! - quickly said, “This does not mean we are friends.”

Granted, Jon had never once in his life gave a shit about making friends, but he felt as if he should be making more of an effort with Tim. He was a sort of supernatural brother in law, wasn’t he? Although Sasha perhaps Sasha was more of a favored niece. At least, he would be, if today’s generation found some morality and stopped living in sin. 

Good lord. Now he was sounding like Jonah. Georgie used to joke that he was born in the wrong generation - he should have been born a 17th century Puritan instead. Jon found it a very funny joke. Jonah did not. 

“Are there any other shopping websites?” Jon asked finally, after Amazon failed them. He’d have to call up Jeff later and complain. “Or is this the only one?”

Tim sighed. “Let’s check Google.”

Quickly and efficiently, yet with many lightning fast detours, Tim found another site called ‘eBay’ - pronounced ‘e-Bay’, not ‘ehbay’ - that listed off exactly what they needed. They weren’t under the toy section, instead listed as something called ‘cosplay’, but Tim seemed highly resistant to explaining that one, so he dropped it. 

They picked a likely looking white toy gun that looked the most similar to the one that Martin had liked and Tim talked Jon through punching in the numbers on his card into the website and sorting through the billing and shipping information. Tim helpfully took down the numbers on his card to file later. 

“And...done!” Tim said, pressing a button and leaning back. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“It was ten times as complicated as I thought it would be,” Jon assured him, “but also much more fun. What else can you buy online?”

“Oh, god. What can’t you buy.”

Jon brightened. “Can you buy books?”

“Old Gertrude used to buy Leitners on eBay,” Tim said dully, “so yeah, sure, why not.”

Jon stared at his computer. He carefully navigated the mouse to the big red x and clicked out of the internet browser. “That’s enough of eBay, then, I think.”

Guess he would have to stick to buying Leitners in person. It was no good buying fucked up books from sketchy sources. Always stick to people you trusted, or at least trusted to be themselves. Mikaele was Jon’s favorite supplier since the kid Leitner disappeared, and they had a pleasant working relationship. Mikaele shared his grandfather’s stories about the history and culture of the Maori, and Jon told him which of his haunted artifacts would be the most helpful in the imminent apocalypse. 

“Well,” Tim said finally, gently pushing Jon’s laptop away, “that was...something, great bonding session with my local supervillain, please run back to Elias and bother him instead.”

“You were very helpful, Mr. Stoker,” Jon said, as professionally yet paternally as possible. Tim was six years older than his body, so he’s not sure how it came off, but the touch of grey at his temples helped with the dignified air. “And as soon as you start acting like a man and propose to my Archivist, you’ll make an excellent brother in law -”

“Uh, excuse me?”

Jon spun around in his chair to see Sasha and Martin standing at the door, holding doggy bags and looking somewhat flummoxed. Probably confused at the sight of him and Tim having a civil conversation, which admittedly had never happened before. Possibly also confused at how completely mortified Tim looked. 

“Who said anything about proposing?” Sasha asked incredulously. “Tim, are you -”

“No! No, god no!” Tim stood up quickly, holding his hands out as if he was placating a raging bull. “Nobody’s been saying anything - I would never do that to you -”

“Oh,” Sasha said frostily, crossing her arms and letting the bags swing, “would you.”

That was a domestic Jon should stay out of, even though he definitely caused it. He and Martin sidled away in tandem, huddling near the back of the Archives as Tim frantically pled for his life. 

Sneakily, Jon glanced at Martin out of the corner of his eye. He looked happy. Happy, and just as stressed as he always looked - Jon had never known Martin when he wasn’t constantly stressed out, and he was more than aware that it was his fault. 

He looked good, too. Really nice, broad jawline that gave his face a friendly round shape. Just friendly and round in general, it was really handsome. His hair was as nicely short and ruffles as ever. The big glasses were super stylish, and really framed his face well. Really big, broad hands. Jon, who had always been so poky and tall and thin and gaunt, like some kind of haunted scarecrow that lurked through the corners of time, was envious. He wanted some of that softness and gentleness. Really, he wanted some of Martin’s -

“So what were you and Tim doing?” Martin asked. “I didn’t know you knew he existed.”

“You told me his name,” Jon said anxiously. “I don’t forget the things you tell me, you know.”

Martin smiled shyly and him, and Jon found himself smiling back. “It’s pretty good for my ego to hear that I have something to teach the immortal genius.”

“I don’t know,” Jon said, as Sasha yelled in the background, “I’ve been learning a lot lately.”

“Really?” Martin teased. “Anything interesting?”

“Oh,” Jon said, watching the yellow fluorescent light cast Martin’s dim smile in soft relief, “I can think of a few things.”

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[captainficspace]

Spring Fever

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy

Characters: Klaus and Ben Hargreeves

A/N: I got bored on a break at work and it turned into this. I love my sweet boys more than I love having an actual setting in mind for this story. Hope y’all enjoy 

Even though he couldn't feel the sun, Ben didn't say no to tagging along with Klaus on a garden meditation session. It was one of the warmest days so far judging by the budding flowers and his brother’s shorts, and he could see the wind muss the grass and rattle the windchimes, things he could see and fear but not feel. He thought about the sound as he sat beside Klaus on the ground, shutting his eyes and trying to regulate his breathing. How was he going to clear his mind when he was so already blocked off from things? The grass didn't even bend beneath him. 

When he opened one eye, he saw Klaus facing the sun, eyes shut and peaceful. The light looked so warm, so welcome after the cold and dark of the winter. Ben tried to think about the warmth, to calm his mind and think about what he could be feeling. It felt nice to at least be with someone. He shut his eyes again and tried to think of more things he could be grateful for.

    Something around him twitched, like someone had thrown a punch and barely missed him. Like the feeling of someone watching you sleep. Something cold? Not cold? Moving. He opened his eyes again, seeing the wind shake the tree branches. But he wasn’t just seeing. He was feeling.

     "What-" Klaus startled, taking in what was happening as well. Ben reached out and grabbed a handful of grass, grinning at the cool, damp feeling of the ground and the sun on his face.

“Are you doing this?” He asked.

“I don’t know…but it’s a good day for you to feel things, right?”  The wind picked up and Ben laughed at the feeling as it passed through his hair, throwing his coif off-center.

   "Do you know how often I've wanted to mess up your hair?" Klaus asked.             "What?"

"It's just been...obnoxiously perfect and it hasn't moved a strand out of place for thirteen years, man. I've wanted to mess it up so fucking bad."

  Another gust of wind passed through, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy Klaus.   "Still not messed up enough."  

"Klaus, don't!" It was too late. His brother had already pounced on him and took matters into his own hands, ruffling his hair and pushing it into his eyes until it about stood on end. Ben swatted at him uselessly, still not properly used to making physical contact with another person.  He tipped back in trying to get away, propped up on his elbows and looking up at his brother, backlit by the sun

  "Asshole. I can't even see my face in a mirror to fix it either."

  Klaus pouted in mock-sympathy, reaching out to muss up his hair one more time.   "Bastard."   "I mean I could also mess up other things..."

"Haven't you done en-ACK!" He had decided that wrecking his hair wasn't enough and that his hoodie needed to be rumpled as well, running his hands over the surface and bunching up the fabric, occasionally sticking a leaf down his collar for good measure.

  "You know you haven't changed this hoodie in over a decade? And I'm the gross one?"  He went to jam a handful of grass down his back when Ben sputtered out a giggle, scrunching his shoulders and shaking his head.

   "What?" Klaus knew exactly what he was doing, but still wanted to hear Ben say it. The second he had made contact with the back of his neck, his smile had turned devious.

"Nothing!" Ben’s neck was still all bunched up and his cheeks were turning pink. He tried to crawl away but Klaus was back on top of him again.

   "No!"

  "Yes!" He finished shoving the grass down his collar with one hand and skittered behind his brother's ear with the other, making Ben curl up on the ground in an attempt to defend himself.

   Klaus' hands tickled and the grass tickled as it went from his neck down his back and rolling around just made it tickle worse. He couldn’t stop a few more giggles from bubbling out of him. When he lifted up the hem of his hoodie to try and shake some out, he realized he made the biggest mistake of all.

   "Aww!! I couldn't forget about that of course!" And now he was fucked, showing off his worst spot to Klaus in the most corporeal state he had been in ages.   "No! Not there. Please not there."

  "Pathetic little Benny, already begging."

  "Please." He didn't care he was whining. His hair was never going to look right again and he had grass down his shirt. Any dignity he has gone outside with was obliterated.

   He was trying to pull the hem down and cover his bare stomach but Klaus already had his arms pinned to his chest.

  "Not there!"

  "Not where?"

"There!"

  "Here?" Ben bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, determined not to give his brother the satisfaction. If he looked Klaus in the eyes he knew he would start laughing, really laughing, and wouldn't be able to stop. His nerves were on fire from the grass and the wrestling and his brother's evil hands.

  "Tickletickletickle!" He drummed his fingertips right at the waistline of his jeans, teasing him. Ben only squirmed, biting his lip but his mouth still turning up at the edges. Little snorts and choked sounding squeaks escaped him from his attempts at holding it in.  He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction, at least as long as he could help it.

   "No!!"

  "Yes!"

  Klaus must have gotten bored with teasing because he slowly started making his way up his torso, the touches more scratchy, more tickly.

    Ben tried to kick him off but Klaus was already across his legs, their limbs hopelessly tangled as they rolled around in the yard. Klaus kneaded at the soft parts around his sides and it was driving him wild, his reserve finally breaking and uncontrollable laughter finally taking over. He hadn't even been able to feel the wind five minutes ago and here he was feeling everything. His body was oversensitive and he couldn't even fight back properly if he wanted to.

   Maybe he didn't completely want to. There was a small part of him that was glad this was happening. He missed the feeling of his nerves standing on end, of laughing so hard his entire frame shook and his ribs smarted. He threw his head back against the ground and covered his face, letting Klaus win this round because he knew it was a rigged game from the start.

"Come on...let me hear my little squeaky toy." Ben curled up on his side away from his brother, still not going to give in to him completely if he could help it. He couldn't help his gasps and muffled giggles or the squeaks that escaped around his hands, but he wasn’t going to give Klaus complete surrender.

  "I have ways, Ben-Ben." Ben tried to sass him, but his laughter choked out his words. Klaus' hands found their way right around the sides of his portal where he knew he was the absolute worst, pinching up and down the sensitive bare skin.

   Ben spasmed, rolling onto his back and flailing in any direction he could just to make the sensation stop. Klaus was laughing too now, the bastard. The sound of the two of them wrestling like children could probably be heard from the house, the mingling of his squeaks and Klaus’ snorts. The touches were scratchy or solid or unbearably soft, different enough each time that he could never adjust to the feeling.

  "I hate you," he gasped out when Klaus finally gave him a chance to catch his breath.

"You love me. You love this." He made his hands into claws and vibrated them against his belly, throwing back his head and cackling as Ben let out a particularly silly sounding screech.   "Liar!"

"Oh really? What was that, Bentacles...or should I say Ben-tickles?"

"You're t-the HA-worst!" Klaus rubbed his knuckles down the front of his ribcage, just gently enough to send him into a new wave of hysterics.

  He finally got his fill of tormenting his brother shortly after, climbing off him and laying by his side in the grass as they caught their breath.

  Ben sniffled and wiped his eyes, still unable to stop the giggles from bursting through him. He felt completely ridiculous, but he felt somehow lighter in this corporeal form if that was possible. When was the last time he and Klaus had felt so carefree? Even for a few minutes? His body was alight with endorphins and he still had that dizzy, loopy feeling coiled in his stomach. It felt like there was nothing but sunlight and grass and evil hands attacking his belly and ribs.

   "Did I break you?" Ben had to try and start his sentence a good three or four times, something good and sassy to really show him what torture he had gone through. However, there was a disconnect between what he wanted to say and what his body was capable of doing. He sputtered and squeaked around his words before finally giving up and hiding his face in Klaus' shoulder as he cried with laughter. He was officially tickled stupid and they both knew it.

  "I can't breathe, asshole." He said at last.

"You don't need to breathe. Your face was getting super red though, giggles." He pinched Ben’s cheek and he tried to scowl at him around that stupid smile that refused to leave his face.

"I don't giggle."

  "Do you know how many tickles it takes to make you giggle? Ten-tickles." He laughed at his own joke and reached for Ben's ribs.

"No more!" He pulled back, hugging himself as Klaus tried to get his hands under his hoodie once again. 

"No, more?" Ben curled up on his side, ready to fight if need be, but he was already giggling again with the anticipation, begging in-between hiccups as Klaus loomed over him, fingers wiggling. He aimed for his neck and Ben squeezed his eyes shut out of reflex, but Klaus just ruffled his hair one more time and flopped beside him, tucking his hands behind his head.

  "Don't worry. I'm done. For now." The two of them finally relaxed side by side, feeling the sun on their faces and buzzing with happiness, Ben still letting out the occasional wheeze as he pulled himself together. He couldn't even look at Klaus or he would start laughing all over again, so he and his brother settled for watching the clouds. Meditation was great, but what they needed this time was to be loud and silly and feel every part of the day they could.

"You're so dead." Ben said once he had recovered. He honestly felt like he could have fallen asleep right there and then after that tickle attack, but his need for vengeance was giving him a second wind.

"No, you," Klaus countered, though maybe not giving the response as much thought as he should have.

 Ben looked at Klaus in disbelief before rolling his eyes and pouncing on his brother as he shrieked out apologies in-between cackles, giving him his own chance to be overwhelmed with the sillies. He could have settled for a relaxing afternoon, but now it was time to make his brother pay. Ben had a feeling he had been asking for it and it just felt so good to make contact with anyone again. Especially when he got to mess up Klaus' hair as well.

[alittlewhump]

Unbidden - Act 3, chapter 7

Masterlist | Previous | Next

Content warnings: None

Blaise walked in on Morgan after the worst of it had passed, but before he was ready to open his eyes or move. He groaned a protest as she checked his pulse. Her fingers felt hot against his skin. She was repeating his name, he realized.

"Morgan. Morgan. Come on, say something if you're all right."

He tried. His mouth made a couple of syllables but they were incoherent and nearly formless, not the words he'd been aiming for. He took a deeper breath and tried again, producing something not entirely unlike "all right". Close enough.

"What the fuck, Morgan?" Her tone of voice was hard to identify. He forced his eyes open a little. Her tone of face was also hard to identify. Partly relieved, partly annoyed, partly something else. "What the hell are you doing out here? Why didn't you let me know where you were? What are -" There was a clinking as she picked up the bottles. "Are you getting high? Tell me you have a better explanation than that," she said, disgust colouring her voice.

Morgan took another deep breath and pushed himself up into a seated position. He lurched sideways - the golem hadn't responded to his command properly. Wait, no, he hadn't commanded it properly. It was a golem, after all; moving them was not the same as moving his body. That was going to take some getting used to.

"You're going to have to start talking soon. I know it's not easy here, gods know I hate this fucking jungle and everything in it, but this is not an acceptable way to deal-"

"I'm not..." He winced. The pounding of his head intensified when he spoke. He tried to keep his voice low. "... doing that."

"You know I'd love to believe you, but the evidence is all pointing to you doing exactly that. Akarat's beard, Devak is useless after just one of these things and you're half his size. Why the fuck are you alone out here getting knocked off your ass on Alkor's concoctions? No, wait, let me guess - is it for the Balance?" Morgan closed his eyes. The revulsion in Blaise's voice was punishment enough; he wished she didn't have to be shouting, too.

"Yes, actually." As the words exited his mouth, it occurred to him that it was probably not the wisest choice of responses. At least it bought him a few precious moments of silence to gather his thoughts. Blaise was gaping at him open-mouthed when he risked looking at her again.

"You have ten seconds to explain yourself before I fucking lose it," she finally snarled.

"I came out here alone because I needed to focus. I took those potions because I needed the power."

"For what, exactly?"

"To fix this." The golem arm lifted on command this time.

"Fix what?"

Oh, she thought he was gesturing with that arm. His sleeve had fallen down to cover it. He pushed the fabric back up with his other hand, revealing the improved limb. The flesh was smoother than it had been, the valleys of its many scars filled in with new tissue. It was not quite the same colour as the rest of his body, strangely ashen now. It was pleasing to see it was no longer blackened as it had been. Possibly a side effect of integrating such a comparatively large item.

"This arm. It's a golem now."

"What? Really? You can do that? Holy-" She started to reach out, then stopped herself. "Hang on. Is that what Ormus got so upset with you about?"

Morgan wouldn't have characterized it as upset, exactly. The mage had expressed his reservations at length, though, and with some volume at times. He'd just wanted to draw upon the other man's experience, which apparently had included being an observer to some unfortunate experimentation with carnomancy. It had been an informative lecture.

"I considered his concerns." He could tell by the twist of her mouth that he'd chosen the wrong thing to say. "The benefits outweighed the risks," he explained. It didn't seem to help.

"Outweighed - how?" Morgan grimaced as the pitch and volume of her voice rose, stabbing a spike of pain behind his eyes. That particular turn of phrase only had one meaning. So she wanted more explanation, but clearly she didn't want to listen to it at the moment.

"Why are you so angry," he said quietly, pressing his hand to his eyes. Maybe if he just kept his voice low, she would follow suit. "I'm just trying to -"

"Why am - this is dangerous, Morgan!" She had not followed suit. She was just getting louder. "Out here, on your own, fucking - experimenting on yourself. You don't even have a sentry to keep watch. Did you forget about the jungle full of things that want to kill us? You could have died out here!"

That hit him just the wrong way. His head was throbbing, every inch of him was uncomfortable, and he couldn't muster up the energy to figure out how he was supposed to respond. Not when anything he could say was going to be wrong. "What does it matter," he hissed instead.

"It matters because you're my friend, you asshole!"

That snapped his eyes open. "What?"

Blaise turned away, throwing her hands in the air. "You're being an ass! I'm not going to apologize for saying it, honestly there's a lot worse I could think of to call you right now. We have an important job to do, you can't just take a big risk like this without - don't make that face, I said I'm not apologizing."

The rudeness wasn't the part he was having difficulty with. She could be upset for a lot of reasons, they didn't always make sense to him. It was something else that had brought his thought processes grinding to an abrupt halt.

"... I'm your friend?"

"Don't try to change the subject, of course you are, why wouldn't... wait, really? Seriously? Of course seriously, you're always serious. You honestly... all right, so why do you think I'm here in this horrible jungle in the first place?"

"Because an angel told us to come here."

"All right, yeah, that's true. But why was I in that tomb with you when we met the angel?"

"Because Jerhyn agreed you should pursue Baal, to cut off the demonic attacks at their source." He pulled at the hem of his shirt. It was better than it had been earlier, but it was still a discomfort. This reiteration of past events wasn't answering any of the questions he suddenly found himself with, either. At least Blaise's anger seemed to be fading.

"That's also true, but it's not the whole - all right, this isn't working. Look, of course we're friends. We've been friends ever since you buried - reburied - our old commander, at the Sisterhood." Morgan watched in confusion as she seated herself in front of him. It was possible she'd taken the portal lesson as a token of friendship, but... no, that didn't line up with the rest of the evidence.

"You said - after that, after Andariel - you said you didn't like me. Friends are people you like."

"Did I say that? I don't remember... but," she continued quickly, "there's a lot I don't remember. Sometimes I say things I don't really mean. Especially if I'm upset. I just say whatever pops into my mind, and it isn't always true."

"You also hit me several times."

Blaise grimaced. "I did, didn't I? But I apologized for it, I remember that much. I'm - do you really - all this time we've been travelling together, do you still think we aren't friends? That nothing changed? That I don't even like you? Even after everything that happened in the desert?"

"You're a good person," Morgan reminded her. "And you can be kind to someone even if you don't like them. I... yes, I assumed nothing had changed." He kept tugging at the rough threads of his shirt. "You never said anything to the contrary," he added. Between the confusion and the discomfort, he almost wished he could crawl right out of his skin like a moulting lizard.

"You idiot. Look at me." He did, nervously. She was looking into his eyes, eyebrows slightly raised, intense in her focus. No longer visibly angry, which was a positive. "Listen, I really mean this. You're my friend, Morgan. I like you, I like having you around. I think you're a good person too. I care about you, I care about what happens to you, and that's why I'm upset right now. I thought you were dead for a minute there. I know it's somehow not a big deal for you, but I care if you live or die. So talk to me next time before you do something big like this, all right?"

He had no idea how to respond. All he had were questions, mainly why? Why in all of creation would someone like her decide to choose him as a friend? Friends were supposed to be equals, in his understanding, and he was so much less than her in every measurable way. It didn't make any sense. But he would have to grapple his way through that baffling puzzle later. Right now she was looking expectantly at him, waiting for an answer.

"All right," he said. "I'll try."

"You'd better," Blaise said, holding his gaze for a long second. "Now what made you decide to... go through with this? I don't understand a whole lot of what Ormus says on a good day, but he seemed to think it was a really bad idea. And I know your arm was in rough shape, but I thought you had that under control."

At least Morgan had an answer ready for that question. He'd debated it for long enough to reach a concise conclusion. "Andariel left me crippled. Duriel was quick to see that weakness, and we are searching for much stronger demons than him. When I found a way to lessen the damage, I thought it wisest to take it. I do not wish to face a Prime Evil with an obvious vulnerability."

"All right, that's fair enough. I get it. Now, enlighten me. What would have happened if this... process didn't work?"

He looked down at his hands. Why did she have to ask that? Based on the conversation they'd just had, she wasn't going to like the answer, no matter how he put it. "It did work," he tried, turning the golem back and forth in demonstration, flexing its fingers.

"That's not what I asked." There was an edge to Blaise's voice, and Morgan fought the urge to flinch away. "You said the benefits outweighed the risks. I want to know what the risks were."

"I was very careful. Even after I found the dagger, I spent days and days thinking about it before I tried anything."

"Stop dancing around the answer."

"None of the ways it could have gone wrong were very likely to happen. I planned for that."

"Likely or not, what would have happened?"

He sighed. He knew he'd never win this battle of wills with her. "Bodies are complicated systems. Any mistakes could have been fatal."

"Morgan-"

"I didn't realize it would upset you," he hastened to add. "I wasn't trying to make you angry. I just wanted to be stronger, to be able to help you. To help keep the Balance," he added. His priorities were a little confused, between his duty and Blaise and the angel's entreaty, but they all pointed in the same direction at the moment.

Blaise pinched the bridge of her nose. "That's really not what I - all right, ignoring the rest of the problems with that for now, you can't help anything by being dead."

"I'm not dead," he pointed out.

"And I want you to stay that way, understand?" He nodded. It wasn't something he could promise, and he still didn't really feel like he'd grasped why she would want that, but the fact of her wishes was clear enough. She seemed mollified for the moment, giving in to curiosity instead.

"Now tell me about this," she demanded, pointing at the golem. "Was it hard? It must have been hard. You hardly ever use potions. What does it feel like? Did it hurt? Can I touch it? Why did you mention a dagger earlier?"

He held it out for her to examine. "I had to use an enchanted item to fortify it. Like I do sometimes with the clay golems. It was a dagger. The process was more complicated than I expected. It took a lot of energy, and there are some things I still want to try. But the side effects of Alkor's potions are stronger than I'm used to, and I don't want to take any more of them. So I'll have to wait."

She lifted his wrist, running one hand up to his elbow. "That feels so weird," she breathed, but it didn't stop her from repeating the gesture. "It's not quite like regular skin. Can you feel this?"

"Sort of." He actually hadn't given much thought to input like touch. It was nice that it didn't hurt like it had before, and that was as far as he'd considered it. The ache at the connection point was almost ignorable, minor in comparison. He did feel something, but it was hard to tell if it was actually from the physical contact, or if it he just thought he felt it because he could see it happening.

He asked the golem to relay a sense of touch and regretted it instantly. It gave him too much, and not the way he'd hoped - not enough focus on the outside, but a very clear sense of the softly pulsating pressure on each of the individual tendrils buried in the living flesh. It also drew more power from him to accomplish that, which was another new and uncomfortable sensation. He shut his eyes and told it to stop.

Blaise pulled back. "Sorry, was that too much?"

Morgan shook his head. "It's not that, it's not you." He took a steadying breath. "I was just trying something. I should have waited." He squinted up at the specks of light filtering into the building through the thick jungle canopy. "The plan was to rest for another hour or two."

"I guess I blew that, huh?"

"Yes. But I'm glad you came. You don't have to wait with me," he added after a moment's thought.

"Nah, it's nice enough in here. Good spot." She leaned back, propping herself up on her elbows. "I'm glad you finally figured out how to take a break."

"What do you mean?" Of course he knew how to take a break. Everyone knew how to rest, it was a simple matter of not doing anything.

"I mean it's good that you're taking the time you need to recover now. You know, instead of pushing yourself until you can barely walk." She gave him a pointed look. "Like in the desert, when we were looking for the Horadric cube."

"Oh." He had run himself ragged for that. But it had been worth it in the end. It had been essential to get them as far as they were now. Which was, upon reflection, still trailing behind the Prime Evils. It was difficult to know just how far behind they were. Tyrael had told them to hurry, he recalled with a jolt. It was slow going through the cursed jungle. This endeavour had only cost a few hours, but the nagging tug of urgency was starting to pull again.

Morgan took stock of himself. He'd planned to recuperate, but how much did he really need to? The shaking had stopped, his heart rate had returned to normal. He was feeling more than a little drained, though, and his head still ached painfully. "I'm nearly rested enough to start moving," he offered. "There haven't been as many demons down along the river, we could-"

"Don't even fucking think about it," Blaise said cheerfully. "I take it back. When normal, sane people say they're rested, they mean they feel good and they're actually ready to go. When you say it, you just mean you don't think you'll collapse right away. Do you understand the difference there?"

"The difference is that I know my limits," Morgan replied. That was necessary for a priest of Rathma, the ability to gauge oneself accurately, to be able to do the maximum amount of work without walking unnecessarily into death's embrace.

"The difference is that you seem to think your limit is dying!"

"Of course. Don't you?"

"Well, obviously that's a limit for everyone, don't get sarcastic with me."

"I'm not."

Blaise stared at him for a second. "No," she agreed, "you're not. You just... you're missing the point."

"What is the point?"

"Well, you wouldn't ask me to go out hunting demons the next day after being-" She cut herself off abruptly, looking away. "Right after getting seriously injured," she finished, "would you?"

"Of course not."

"But you don't treat yourself the same way."

"No," he agreed. "That's different."

"It shouldn't be different. Why is it different?"

"My duty is more important than my comfort."

Blaise rolled her eyes. "Ugh, your duty. Is it more important than your life?"

"Yes."

"No, it isn't!"

"Of course it is. Long ago, Rathma created our order with the sacred charge to maintain the Balance of the Great Cycle of Being. If it slips too far to the Darkness, the Chaos, humanity suffers. If it slips too far to the Light, the Order, humanity stagnates. Humankind can only progress if the Balance is even. We dedicate our whole selves to keeping the Balance. A single life or death is nothing to the Cycle. Death comes to all living things. And if there comes a time when my death would serve better than my life, I will gladly choose death. That is our way."

Blaise was silent for a time. "You know," she said eventually, "the more I learn about your Order, the less I think I like it."

Despite himself, Morgan's heart sank. The Order was a central part of him as much as he was part of it. If she didn't like it, it logically followed that she didn't actually like him either. That must have been a misunderstanding on his part. He often had trouble with people's intentions. She really just liked having him around, as she'd said - he'd been making himself useful enough for that, at least. That was fine. It was better that way, really. More familiar, easier to understand.

"You're more than just a tool for the Balance, Morgan," Blaise continued. Your life has value on its own."

"No, I - we don't... that's for other people," he said, taken aback. That was not at all what he'd been expecting to come next. And it was wrong. A kind sentiment, to be sure, but still wrong.

"Why can't it be for you?"

It was Morgan's turn to think quietly for a while. The relentless pounding of his head was making it hard to concentrate. Of course there was a reason, but the words to explain it wouldn't present themselves. Priests of Rathma had to hold themselves to a different standard than other people. They were selected to do important work, and in doing so, they shed the conceit of personal importance in favour of the truth. They stepped outside the normal systems of value and worth, for it would be impossible to measure anything accurately from the inside of that sphere. It had to be that way. It was important. There was value in it, a different sort than the value Blaise thought she saw in him.

That was a large and unruly concept, one that threatened to overwhelm the emotional control he'd managed to rebuild. She saw value in him. Not for his work, just for his... self. How strange, how wrong, how tempting. How good that might feel, if he let it. To be worth something in someone else's eyes. A long-buried part of him wanted that, much more strongly than he would have guessed. That part warred with his sense of duty, his obligation to the Order.

He didn't need validation, didn't need to prove himself to anyone any more - he'd been deemed adequate to take on a task for the betterment of humanity, and that was enough. He didn't need friends. That was a want, not a need, and a want that should have been overcome long ago. Personal relationships weren't forbidden per se, but they were dangerous in that they could lead to an erosion of objectivity. But if he could be very, very careful, that hopeful part of him suggested, maybe he could manage it. Maybe he could earn this. The possibility left him feeling strangely, pleasantly light.

"Well?"

Morgan blinked hard to refocus himself. "I don't have an answer for you," he admitted. Strangely, Blaise seemed to be satisfied with that response.

"Well, keep thinking about it. We aren't going anywhere for a while. You just... rebuilt your whole arm. Fuck, that's amazing. Take your damn time recovering."

[goldenchan-fx2thepeacock]

Don’t Go Running Off Into Danger, Even If I Do pt 2

So, I have no clue what a publishing schedule is. So here, have more of this dumb fic at 11 pm. FUCK SLEEP! SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!

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Chapter 2

Danny and Jazz managed to finish just in time to put everything away before their parents got home. He’d actually managed to have a ghost free night. But the peace wasn’t going to last. And this wasn’t about ghosts. He got slammed into his locker.  “Hey look, it’s Fenturd. What’s with the dumb picture of Phantom? You’ll never be on his level,” Dash said and laughter broke out. Danny groaned. At least they didn’t know he was trans. He’d be beaten twice as much if they knew. The locker door closed and locked.  “Seriously Dash? I have to get to class!” He yelled through the metal.  “Whatever Fentina. No one cares! Oh hey, it’s fresh meat!” Dash went away from Danny’s locker. Danny had found out a way to make it so he could open his locker from the inside without it being outerwardly compromised. He jumped out. It was those kids from last night.  “Leave them alone Dash. They haven’t even been here for a day yet. The rules are that newbies get a probation period,” Danny crossed his arms.  “I don’t know Fentoenail. Would you like to take their beating?” Dash mocked him. Danny sighed. He’d have to do this.  “Any day,” 

Danny regretted everything. Dash had hit him twice as hard as normal and his locker trick wasn’t working. Everything hurt. He was going to miss Lancer’s class. At least his ghost sense wasn’t going off or something. Lancer wouldn’t miss him. Suddenly, his locker opened and he tumbled out. He yelped. “Are you okay?” The girl twin said.  “No worse than what I’m used to,” Danny brushed himself off.  “You didn’t have to do that,” The boy twin told Danny. “Yeah, I kinda did. The probation period is sacred. Dash knows that,” “Probation period?” The boy said. “A rule we made up last year. If Dash really wants to break it, I take the beating instead. Fenton gets to take the beating so the new kids don’t have to,”  “That’s not fair. You should report him,” “Nah, he threw like four perfect throws last night and is exempt from punishment,”  “Football?” The boy gave Danny a knowing look.  “Danielle- I mean Daniel Fenton to the main office,” The loud speaker said. “Oh come on! At least it was probably just a misread,” Danny was fuming. The beating plus being deadnamed was getting on his nerves. “We have to head there too,” The girl said. Danny shrugged and let them follow him.

Lancer called them all in at once. “Sup Lancer. Can I help you?” Danny leaned against the wall. “Mr Fenton. You and I both know that you need to show me more respect. W-what happened to you?” Lancer looked up from his papers. “Just a certain football star. Nothing I can’t handle. He broke the probation period,” “That’s a rule between students. I have no need to enforce it,” Lancer sighed. “I have no clue why you of all people were chosen for this, but you are too be Mr and Ms Pines guide around the school,” “Jazz not good enough for you? Had to pick the ‘slacker’ Fenton?” “Daniel, mind your tone. Jazz is our top student,”  “We all know I’m destined to fail in life. Can I get their timetables?” “Yes of course. Listen Danny, both you and I know you’re capable of better grades. I don’t understand why you don’t try,” Danny wasn’t in the mood for Lancer’s pep talks.  “I’ve got more important things to worry about,” Danny grabbed the papers and stalked off with the Pines Twins on his heels.  “Why didn’t he do anything about Dash?” the boy asked. “He has no reason to. Not like I’m about to ask,” Danny handed them their timetables. He’d seen that the girl was named Mabel and the boy Mason. “We’ll start with your classes Mason,”  “I prefer Dipper,” “I’m not calling you by a dumb nickname. Let’s go,” Danny growled.

Just as he was about to lead Mason to his first class, a royal pain in his ass showed up. “Daniel! I require your assistance, little badger,” “It’s bound to be another plan to get in my mom’s pants. Go away,”  “Now, don’t be like that. I’m the mayor after all. You should be honored,” “Plasmius, shut your goddamn mouth. I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck,” Danny said so that only Vlad could hear.  “Well, something’s got you in a tizzy. I’ll ask later. I should tell you though, it’s about Danielle,” “What did you do to Dani?” Fury. Wait, he had to get the kids to class.  “Nothing. It wasn’t me. You should ask your ghost hunter girlfriend,” Vlad grinned. Fucking Valerie.  “Come on kids. You’ve got to get to class,” Danny ignored Plasmius. Valerie was going to die. 

At lunch, he purposefully turned into Phantom and waited for Valerie on top of the school. She took no time at all. “What. Did. You. Do. To. Dani,” He glared at her.  “I didn’t do anything to her! You’re going down ghost!” “Am I really?” Danny was pissed. She wasn’t getting any mercy today. He teleported behind her.  “What the... HOW?” “Where is she?!” He growled. “What do you care? She’s always off on her own,”  “Does it look like I care Valerie?!”  “How did you know?!” “I know more than you seem to think. Tell me where Dani is. NOW!” He froze her feet. She looked terrified.  “What’s wrong with you!? Why do you care so much about her? Ghosts don’t have feelings,” Danny lost it at that point. The laughter was dark. Hollow. Horrible. Val’s terror was visible.  “Don’t have feelings? DON’T HAVE FEELINGS? FUCK YOU! I’M SO TIRED OF ALL THIS!” “Phantom, calm down,” Val was terrified. Danny wasn’t done. The rings were threatening to come down and expose him to her.  “So you admit this is real? Would you like to know how it feels to die Val? How it feels to live on the line between life and death? Wait, I can’t do that! You don’t have a deactivated portal in your basement that I can make you turn on while your inside. I don’t have a stupid jumpsuit with your dad’s face on it so I can take off the that sticker. You don’t have parents that threaten to rip you apart molecule by molecule for just exsisting! You don’t have to see a future where you become evil because you cheated on one test and your family all died! Can you even begin to comprehend what I go through? Ever been cloned? And forced to do something incredibly painful so that one clone can get fixed and watch another get lied too? And that’s just the brunt of it Valerie. Keep telling me how I don’t feel. How I’m nothing!” Danny screamed at ice engulfed their feet. Val’s eyes went wide.  “D-Danny?” She said quietly. “Congratulations! You aren’t as niave as the rest of Amity Park! How does it feel?” He’d snapped. “Calm down! I’ll tell you where Dani is!” She shrieked. That hollow laugh came back. But instead of an angry rant afterwards, he just sunk to his knees and screamed. It wasn’t a wail. It was a scream of pain. Of being done with the world.  “I can’t do this anymore,” He sobbed and the rings went down. All that was left now was a beaten, broken Danny Fenton.  “You should change back. I’ll take you to Dani,” Danny nodded and followed her.  “Sorry I broke down. I’m just sick of people telling me that I can’t feel. That all ghosts can’t feel. You don’t even bother talking to us, ya know?” “Ghosts lie,” “And so do people! I’ve talked to the ghosts. Listened to them. Heard their stories. I protect people, but I protect them too!” “How do you know those aren’t just acts?” “Cause they make sense. I’d have the same response if it was me. If my parents burned down the place I was in because I got caught being gay,” “I’m confused,” “Ember. I told her I wouldn’t tell anyone. But you need to know that they all have reasons for being the way they are. Skulker’s family was hunted, so now he hunts to prove his strength,” “Maybe we should talk to you more,”  “Maybe you should. No one asks to die,” “But your parents say that ghosts don’t remember their lives. They’re the leading experts,”  “That’s like putting a ten year old in a room of babies. They’re the expert by default in that situation, but an adult would be the expert the moment they walked in,” “Why don’t we know about that,” “Dying is traumatizing. Even half dying is traumatizing. It’s taboo to mention it unless you’re told. No one explains it until they’re ready. And talking about a life before that is almost wrong,” “How did you learn?” “Skulker told me during the Christmas Truce. Ember told me one day when she just wanted to be left alone, but I did too. I guess things end up working out in weird ways,” “The Christmas Truce?” “On Christmas Eve and Christmas, ghosts have a truce. No one is allowed to fight anyone that day. The Ghost Writer broke the truce and Walker got to haul him off in just means,” “We really know nothing about ghosts, do we?” “No, you don’t. They even have a party. I got invited last year. Skulker let me make the star! It took me weeks to get it right,” Danny smiled at the memory. He’d made a scale model of a blue giant that went through it’s life stages.  “So there’s a whole society?” “A government. Systems. Main rules. Taboos. Just cause we’re ghosts, doesn’t mean we don’t have a system,” “I’m sorry,” “What?” Danny nearly froze. “I’m sorry that I made so many assumptions. I never should’ve chased you or any ghost like that,” “Keep them out of Amity Park and send them back to the Zone. Most ghosts forget that living is dangerous, so they just rampage. I keep trying to talk sense into them, but they’re pretty stubborn,”  “What about the dog?” “Dog? You mean Cujo? I was trying to stop him from trashing Axiom. He was trying to get a toy. I’m sorry that recked your life Val,” “My life? Wrecked? When compared to you, my life is a dream. It’s not like I died,” “I guess you’ve got a point,”

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Thanks for reading. I just like fics where Val finds out, and this one seemed like an okay place to stick it. Dani is fine. I’ll fill you in on that next chapter, but I should get some sleep.

[slickbackdani]

So, like, can we talk about the Courage the Cowardly Dog episode “Ball of Revenge” for a moment? Because holy FUCK it has problems.

I liked the episode when I first saw it, mostly because I’m a sucker for “all the villains team up to take on the hero” plots. Even today, I don’t absolutely despise the episode because I feel like there were some elements that were done quite well. That said, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how fucked the episode’s actual plot is in execution.

For those who haven’t seen the episode and just hear me speaking gibberish right now, I’ll sum up: Eustace throws a temper tantrum because he wanted a blanket that Muriel knitted for Courage, so he calls up six of the monsters and villains the dog had confronted throughout the series (Katz, Le Quack, the Black Puddle Queen, the Clutching Foot, the Weremole, and the Cajun Fox) to get together and kill him.

You might’ve noticed the first problem with this plot: Eustace being the one to bring the villains together. Why Eustace? He’s not a villain! Sure he’s an asshole, and there were some villains on the show that were direct counterparts to him (like Mr. Nasty in “Angry Nasty People” and The Whip in “Cowboy Courage”) but the man himself has only ever been a comical, bumbling oaf who caused problems with his clear anger issues, shortsighted greed, and general idiocy. He is the last person anyone would expect to pull off a scheme like this!

How about the fact that his descent into villainy was because of a fucking blanket? And I thought Killian’s motive for becoming a villain in Iron Man 3 was stupid!

Now, let’s take a look at the bad guys the episode brought back. Some of them kinda make sense, but on the whole, their presence becomes baffling just because Eustace was the one to call them together. Eustace didn’t know most of these people, those he did know hated him and tried to kill him, and there’s no way he should’ve been able to contact half of them. Yeah, he had an operator “make some calls” (remember when people did that?) but sorry. I don’t buy it.

Katz: He’s the most obvious villain to bring back, being the most reoccurring enemy faced on the show, and I have no problem with him being part of this team. My problem is: why are he and Eustace working together? Katz has tried to kill him and his wife on four separate occasions, and he committed the unforgivable mortal sin of sitting in Eustace’s chair. Not to mention Eustace has played a direct role in defeating Katz twice, so there should be no reason these characters would be willing to work together. I’m sure some take issue with Katz being alive at all due to his apparent demise being eaten by a shark in “Katz under the Sea,” but I’m willing to give it a pass because it was ambiguous enough that you could bullshit a reason to say he survived.

Le Quack: Again, not only has this character repeatedly menaced the Bagge household and not just Courage, but Eustace and Le Quack have never actually met one another. In all of Le Quack’s previous appearances, Eustace only interacted with the devious duck when he was masquerading as a trusted professional, and by the time the fiendish fowl doffed his dastardly disguise and went full speed ahead with his evil plan du jour, the old farmer was either locked in a closet, hypnotized, or without glasses. Le Quack had also met his apparent end in a previous episode when his hot air balloon got shot down by police cannons, but like Katz, it was ambiguous enough that they could’ve easily brought him back.

The Black Puddle Queen: You’d think Eustace would harbor at least a tiny grudge against the woman who tried to cannibalize him, but nope! He can forgive that, but not stealing a blanket that didn’t belong to him in the first place? The old man needs to get his priorities in order! Also, it’s a little weird that she could even join these villains at all, since Courage left her trapped by closing the portal to her underwater lair, but whatever. We have no idea how her magic works, so you could always say she found a way back. I mean, either she or someone of her species was back to her old tricks by the very end of her debut episode after her defeat, so who knows?

The Cajun Fox: Again, how does Eustace even know who this guy is? The old man was completely absent from “Cajun Granny Stew,” the Fox’s only prior appearance. Also, Eustace doesn’t seem the slightest bit bothered that the guy tried to eat Muriel. What is it about Eustace not caring if people get eaten? The Fox was also defeated when he fell into his own pot of boiling stew, but like with prior villains, you could very easily say he survived, so no complaints there.

The Clutching Foot: This is the character who makes the least amount of sense to be here. Leaving aside that I’d personally prefer it if he never showed up at all because of how stomach-churningly repulsive he is just to look at, he was only alive after having possessed Eustace’s body, so the two cannot exist in the same place at the same time. Also, unlike the other villains whose deaths were ambiguous, this guy explicitly got destroyed in his debut episode with no possible way of returning — and he even mentions how he died in this episode!

The Weremole: He has the second-least reason to be here, because he wasn’t really the same kind of villain that the others were. He was just a dumb animal acting on predatory instincts. And despite the villains in this episode being united by a desire for revenge, the Weremole has nothing to get revenge for since Courage didn’t actually “defeat” him. He just plucked a hair off of him (which he didn’t even notice) and cured Muriel of her curse before she could harm anyone else. Speaking of, he turned Eustace’s wife into a monster and almost got the old man killed, but I think it’s clear by this point that Eustace places absolutely no value on human life, his own or anyone else’s.

Again, this episode’s concept is fantastic, and there are many ways it could’ve been fixed. Here’s what I would’ve done differently. In my version of the episode, the ringleader of this band of monsters and freaks would not have been Eustace, but a different reoccurring foe: Benton Tarantella. His career’s been in a bit of a slump since his reality show got canned, so he decided to make a comeback by returning to his roots and making a snuff film with Courage as the “star.” He puts out a “casting call” to recruit anyone who’d have a bone to pick with the Cowardly canine, and Katz, Le Quack, the Black Puddle Queen, the Cajun Fox, Fusilli*, and Mad Dog enthusiastically sign on. From there, the episode plays out like normal: Eustace and Muriel get kidnapped, Courage has to save them, he falls into the villains’ trap, and they challenge him to a deadly game of dodgeball, which Tarantella will justify with “What? Sports movies are all the rage these days!” This version might have its problems, sure, but at least it’s more sensible than what we got.

* (And yes, I know Fusilli got turned into a puppet by the end of his debut episode, but hear me out: Eustace and Muriel also got turned into puppets in that episode, and we never saw them return to normal, but they fact that they’ve become human again by the next episode could be interpreted to mean that the puppet curse wears off if the puppets stay away from Fusilli’s stage for long enough. It’s not perfect, but any attempt at an explanation is good enough for me.)

[howlingday]

Ozpin: Greetings, travelers. You may know me, or you may not. That doesn't matter at the moment. What does matter is this tale I will tell you. It is filled with magic, adventure, and many memorable moments. If I may begin?

Long ago, and far away, in labyrinths of coral caves~,

A mystic crystal was forged in glass, with magic or something like that~.

It's powers had been used for good, and all had lived in brotherhood~,

Until the necromancer attacked, upon her Grimm of bone and black~.

Her black-red eyes with evil gleamed, She stole the crystal and she screamed~,

Now bow down men and all between, Or face the wrath of my magic beams~!

The knights and nobles of the land, Did all they could to stay her hand~,

But not a single blow was struck, For alas, she had the strongest luck~!

Yang: Hey, Professor Ozpin? No offense, but this story is kind of lame.

Nora: Yeah! This necromancer just shows up, and everyone just loses?!

Ozpin: It's called building tension.

Yang: Yeah, but everyone's gonna get bored of the story at this point, and not bother listening any further!

Nora: I bet Ruby could tell a better story!

Ruby: Huh?

Ozpin: Very well. (Tosses the book to Ruby) The story is yours, Miss Rose. (Leaves)

Ruby: B-But I-!

Yang: So, what happened next?

Ruby: Uh, um-!

Nora: It might help if you just read the book.

Ruby: But wasn't that what-?

Yang: C'mon, Rubes! Show us what you've got!

Ruby: Uh, okay then...

She grabbed the princess from her throne, Then trapped her in the crystal stone~.

The king called in his wizards four, And begged them and deeply implored~,

Search the forests, Search the seas, Search in all time and realities~,

Two champions are what I need, To bring my daughter back to me~!

Yes, my king, it shall be done! The wizards said, and so begun~,

A wondrous spell, that soon would find, The greatest men in space and time~!

And that's where our story begins, Our two heroes soon come in~,

There is no quest they can leave be, But only one of them can really speak~.

Meanwhile..

Jaune: I'm really glad you said yes to this meeting. I was kind of nervous you'd say no.

Neo: (Tilts her head)

Jaune: Well, it's just, I think you may have a problem with killing. Or should I say not killing, because-

Neo: (Waves at him, Points)

Jaune: Huh? (Looks behind him) Is that... a mystic space portal behind me? (Portal sucks them in) OH SHI-!

They awoke within a foreign land, Inside a castle oh so grand~,

There atop a throne of gold, Arose the king, so green and old~.

I've called you from the great beyond, To save my daughter with hair so blonde~,

You've sailed across the skies and stars, The Brothers brought you here without harm~!

Jaune: Actually, your majesty, you just sucked us through about sixteen different dimensions, and I have to be honest...

My arms are broken, And I don't know why my chest is smokin'~!

I will heal you with my staff, Tri-Hard works so long as you don't laugh~!

Now go! Ride toward the Sun! No, not to me! They may be our heroes now, But I fear their destiny~.

And so, they turned and rode past the castle walls, In shining codpiece armor that did cradle his chivalrous balls~!

Then skies grew dark, and the road grew narrow, But our heroes would never be lead astray~!

Neo brought her magic arrows, And she can use them to light their righteous way~!

Jaune: (Shot) ARGH! Neo, have you ever used a bow before? (THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!) OW! OKAY, I'M SORRY FOR ASKING! (Rips out the arrows, Throws them back to her) Alright then, LET'S RIDE!

Ruby: Am I doing good?

Yang: Great, Rubes! But did you really need to mention the "cradling his balls" thing?

Ruby: (Blushing) It's what the book says!

Nora: Is it just me, or does this hero sound vaguely familiar?

Yang: I'm sure it's nothing. So, what happened next?

The roads were twisted, and the air was thick, It was clear her domain was as evil as dick!

They passed through the gloom of the Forest of Fear, And the Pits of Disgust, and the Dark Swamp of Tears~!

Then off in the distance so clear, the cold, gray peak of Mt. Nasty appeared~!

Past the Fields of Annoyance, and Dragon Barf Junction, And the treacherous Cliffs of Erectile Dysfunction~!

Now Neo has erectile dysfunction! Only Neo, though~!

Jaune: I know; it's weird. (Neo shrugs)

They arrived at the Evil Queen's halls, and dismounted their trusty steeds with resolve~!

They hugged them goodbye and promised they'd never quit, Then they ran straight away, for they gave not a shit~!

The moonlight shined over the door, And over the gems and the skulls on the floor~.

They felt no terror at their end of the caves, For unless the Bells of Doom tolled, They knew they'd be saved~!

They knew they'd be saved~!

THEY KNEW THEY'D BE SA-~!

Jaune: (Bells of Doom toll, Surrounded by countless Grimm) Ah, fuck...

Yang: Well, they're boned. Unless they fought their way out.

Ruby: It says here the Silent Knight fought her way out and escaped.

Nora: But not the other one?

Ruby: He fought, but tripped on the first swing and knocked himself out.

Nora: Is he dead?

Ruby: Let's see...

Colored gemstones lit up the walls, and formed a rainbow trail up to a giant waterfall~.

There, the necromancer grinned, the Princess stood frozen, yet still so hot beside her~.

Jaune, Yang, Nora, Ruby: Damn...

Then he heard a voice inside his mind, It was the Princess, she said, Jaune Arc, your heart is kind~.

Only light can stop dark~. I know what she spoke of, That to defeat the necromancer, I need to use love~!

Jaune: Stand back, Neo! I'm going to hug her!

She immediately shattered both his legs, and threw him across the room, He probably should have brought some weapons, but now the fool is doomed!

But Neo picked him up, because they're such good friends, Then she used his body like a club to beat their enemy to death~!

He should be in more pain than could ever be spoken, But luckily he felt nothing because his back is totes broken~!

Oh, the necromancer was dead, and the crystal broke in three, They looked up into the light and saw the Princess was now free~!

Jaune: Neo, she's so beautiful! Roll me to her!

Neo: (Rolls her eyes, Throws Jaune at the Princess)

Nora: Hooray! The day is saved!

Yang: That fight could have been better. Gotta say, though, that Silent Knight dude kicked serious ass! Is he single?

Ruby: Well, there's still a few pages left to find out.

They journeyed back to the King, His lands now green with the life of Spring~,

He leapt up and wept at the sight, Of his girl as she carried our hero through the night~!

Heal this man, wizards~! He cried in delight, And they did! Brothers damned, they kept their magicing tight~!

Sadly it was time to leave, so the King said, Fix Neo's ED, and hooray for Neo's Best Team~!

Yang: Great story, Rubes! Nothing left to do but to put it on a shelf and never read it again.

Nora: I wonder what happened to those two after this? Maybe I should write a sequel.

Yang: What if there's already a sequel?

Nora: A sequel as good as good as what I write? Puh-lease! What do you think Ruby? (Ruby is silent) Ruby?

Ruby: (Points to a picture of Jaune walking around, as if it were a live video feed) Look...

Jaune: Neo, look! The portal back home is opening! (Turns to face everyone, Unknowingly facing RYN)

Now fare thee well, It seems that our journey is at an end. We will be here if you should ever need our help again~. (They walked away, but stopped to turn before they take their last step)

Neo: (Kills a guy, Smirks as she maintains her rep)

We all have our battles to fight, and a crystal cage to break through in our lives~.

But when hope is gone, We will be there to help and fight the fuck on~!

Yang: Whoa...

Nora: (Sniffs, Wipes away a tear) That's my leader...

Ruby: (Closes the book)

The End...

[spacesuitsforemergency]

The Rise Of Iron Maiden

Chapter 1: A Wizard, a Guardian, and an Avenger Walk Into a Bar

Word Count: 3.3k

Original Request by: @amateurwriterbigdreamer

Next Chapter: So, You Want to be an Avenger?

A/N: this ones Tye and Jaime heavy but I promise the next chapter is more centered around Y/N and Eduardo

“Lalo, did we really have to go all the way across town for coffee?” You asked as your boyfriend, Eduardo Dorado Jr led you into a small coffee shop.

“Trust me, princesa.” He grinned as he opened the door for you, before adding sarcastically, “It is worth the treacherous, enduring limo ride.”

You roll your eyes, but let him lead you inside. You both get coffee and pastries, then sit in the back table together. Ironically, L-O-V-E is playing softly from the little radio the barista had set behind the counter. You swear, Eduardo probably paid for them to play the song, it was such an Eduardo thing to do.

He rambled on about some petty argument he got into with someone at S.H.I.E.L.D, but you were busy thinking about luck. Specifically how it was on your side all those years ago.

When you were 13, some workers in Stark Industries’ science department had been testing a teleportation device, and somehow they teleported Eduardo Dorado Jr, Tye Longshadow and Jaime Reyes from another dimension. They tried for months to get them back to their reality, but it was no use. You were always around the lab, since it was owned by your father, Tony Stark. You had grown close to all 3 of them, being the only one in the building their age. You grew up together, becoming best friends. When they developed powers, and you were finally given a suit, Director Fury agreed to let you be an official team.

You and your father argued for weeks about it, but you won every single time. You pointed out that Spider-Man was your same age, so it wasn’t any different. He would say it was different cause you were his daughter, but thankfully you had inherited his stubbornness, so you became the rising hero, Iron Maiden. And yes, he totally helped you pick out your name.

You and Eduardo fell in love with each other, and had begun dating when you were 15. You were both charming and suave people, so at first you both thought that it was just all meaningless flirting. You had developed feelings for each other, and everyone saw it but the two of you. Rhodey and Pepper noticed first, Tony didn’t realize it until he found out you two were secretly dating for 3 months. It was quite sad really, he claimed to be the smartest man alive, and yet he couldn’t see his daughter completely head over heels for her best friend.

Your thoughts are interrupted when there’s a weird hum in the air, then suddenly the windows shatter. Eduardo jumps in front of you, shielding you from the broken glass. You both watch with your eyes wide as a giant ring shaped UFO lands in the middle of the street, causing clouds of dust to flood the streets. You quickly activate your iron suit, holding up a shield for you and Eduardo, the barista safely behind the counter.

“What the hell is that?” Eduardo shouts over the screams of people on the street, car alarms, and what seemed to be engines of some sort from the ring.

“I don’t know! But we need to go help!” You grab his hand, and he teleports the both of you out of the shop. You scan the streets, calculating how many people were around.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, what is that?” You ask your AI system.

“Not sure, I’m working on it. Iron Man has landed in close proximity.” She responds in her strangely humanly robot voice.

“My dads here!” You yell into your com, Eduardo teleporting people away from the wreckage.

“Well where is he? A little help would be nice!” El Dorado says as he helps up a lady that fell.

You both shield your eyes as a strong gust of wind knocked into you, and you peek through your fingers to see men in blue and red robes. You spot your dad standing behind them, along with...Dr. Banner?!

“Lalo! Let’s go!” You activate your thrusters and fly over to join your father and the strangely dressed men.

“Y/N! The hell you doing here?” Your dad asks in surprise when you land next to him, El Dorado appearing on your other side.

“Doesn’t matter! What’s going on?” You ask, waving off the question.

“Yeah, what’s with the magicians?” El Dorado asks as they let the wind down.

“Or y’know, the giant ass onion ring blocking the road.” You gesture to the ship, then turn to your left. “Also, Dr. Banner?!”

“Hey Y/N.” He smiled awkwardly.

“Hear me, and rejoice. You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful, that your meaningless lives are now contributing to...” a tall, pale blue man with no nose glides down the steps of the ship.

“I’m sorry, Earth is closed today.” Your dad calls over.

“Stonekeeper...Does this chattering animal speak for you?” The man gestures to your father.

“Certainly not. I speak for myself. But you’re trespassing in this city and on this planet.” The ‘stonekeeper’ says, before glowing oranges disks appear around his fists.

“Means get lost, Squidward!” Tony quipped.

“Wait, you guys are actually magicians?” Eduardo whispers to the Chinese man in robes, in awe of the orange shields.

“Shut it, kid.” The guys snaps as he copies his friend, and summons his magic.

“Bring me the Stone.” The man snaps his fingers, and a giant alien walks up behind him, dragging itself towards you.

“Banner, anytime now.” Tony mutters.

“I’m trying.” Bruce squeezes his eyes shut in concentration, only getting green up to his chin.

“Bruce, where’s your guy?” You ask, keeping your eyes on the aliens coming towards you.

“I don’t know, we’re having a thing.” He squints harder.

“We don’t have time for a thing, amigo!” Eduardo snaps, all of you stepping back cautiously as the giant alien gets closer and closer.

“Dude, you’re embarrassing us in front of wizards.” Your dad mumbles.

“Sorry man.”

“Kids, watch him?” Your dad glances at the both of you, before stepping forward and activating his armor. He grows a set of blasters, sending the big alien back to the tall and skinny one.

It steps forward, and motions upwards. A spike of the earth sends your father upwards, and the ground beneath you trembles as trees uproot from the pavement.

“Dr. Banner, if the rest of your green friend won't be joining us....” the blue robed magician turns around and creates a portal, you and El Dorado also falling through it.

You grunt as you land on the ground, and you recognize a park that was near by. Part of a car falls through the portal after being sliced off, and you catch it before it lands on all three of you.

“Catch us up, why don’t you?” You turn to Banner after tossing the car aside.

“Uh, the wizard with the necklace is Dr. Strange, the other is Wong. Don’t know who the aliens are. I’m back, long story.” Banner rambles. “Oh and there’s an evil overlord called Thanos coming for us.”

You all duck when something is thrown at you at full speed, and wince when you realize it was your dad. He plows into the ground, crashing into a tree and effectively knocking it clean over.

“Dad!” You zoom over, helping him up. “Are you okay? How we doing?”

“Good. Really really good.” He says sarcastically. “Banner! Do you plan on helping out anytime soon?”

“I’m trying, man!”

You see the big alien throw a hammer towards Bruce, so you catapult yourself over and knock both him and Eduardo out of the way, and the hammer splits a tree. The alien then runs over and picks up the hammer, going for Iron Man. It’s about to deliver a blow to your dads head, but thankfully a familiar spandex wearing nerd blocks the hit.

“Hi Mr. Stark!” Spider-Man says happily.

“Kid? Where’d you come from?” Your dad asks him.

“Field trip!”

You watch as the alien flings Spider-Man around, as your father tries to give him instructions. You notice a slab of concrete float past on the street, Dr. Strange passed out on it. The alien followed close behind, clearly controlling the ground.

“Guys there’s the wizard!” You alert them, already flying towards it. Spider-Man swings his way behind you, and Eduardo teleports along the street.

The alien begins to throw billboards and rubble at the three of you, which you easily dodge thanks to your training. Spider-Man gets knocked down, El Dorado quickly helping him up before continuing to follow your lead.

Suddenly a blue beam shoots to the ground, and the alien starts to float upwards, along with Dr. Strange.

“Aw shit!” El Dorado yelps when he realizes he’s also being pulled up.

“Uhh, Iron Maiden? Mr. Stark? We’re being beamed up!” Spider-Man says, as if you couldn’t see it.

“Hang on, kid.” Your dad says through the coms. “Y/N, think you can get them?”

“I’m on it!” You nod, blasting yourself into the sky after them. They thankfully don’t get beamed inside the ship, Spider-Man was able to swing them over to a flat part of the ship.

You rocket yourself up to them, seeing El Dorado press his com, and a mask wraps around his face. You curse to yourself, knowing Peter didn’t have one of those. You shriek when he falls, but see something fly up and hit his back. You look down, seeing Iron Man in pursuit of you guys.

“Guys, get back to earth.” He orders.

“But the wizard!” El Dorado protests.

“Yeah, we’re already all the way up here.” You say, using F.R.I.D.A.Y to check their vitals.

“Y/N Stark, get your ass back home right this second.” Your dad snaps at you.

“Oh, fine.” You grumble, then grab Eduardo. Peter webs onto the back of your suit, and you start to fly back down to earth.

“Wait, you’re actually listening to him?” Eduardo asks you.

“Of course not.” You scoff, watching and waiting for the perfect time to go back up to the spaceship.

You watch your dad cut a hole and go inside, then follow him in. You all sneak behind him, staying near the back. Peter looks back to a window, eyes widening instantly.

“Oh my god! We should’ve gone back to earth!” He whispers to you and Eduardo.

“Shh!” You both hiss at him.

“If we get caught, we’re blaming it all on you.” El Dorado shrugs.

•

“I am never listening to you ever again.” Tye kicks his friends shin.

“Ow!” Jaime swats his arm in retaliation. “This isn’t my fault!”

“Mmhmm.” Tye raises an eyebrow.

“Sing along boys! Come on!” Star Lord calls from the captains chair, bopping along to some song from like, the 60s or something.

“No thanks, Mr. Quill!” Jaime said politely, while Tye openly rolled his eyes.

“Please, no formalities.” Star Lord laughs. “It’s Star Lord.”

“Oh give it a rest, would ya?” Rocket shakes his head.

“I am Groot.”

“That’s so uncalled for! I don’t call you that!” Quill stares at the talking tree, offended.

Okay, so maybe this was Jaime’s fault. Him and Tye got a distress call down on earth, so they suited up and rushed to it. They didn’t expect to see a spaceship, or aliens wreaking havoc by smashing buildings and killing people. The aliens kidnapped a few people, so Jaime didn’t hesitate and grabbed Tye, flying after them. Despite Tye’s screaming and threats to murder Jaime, he boarded the ship in attempt to rescue the people. Then the ship got way too far away from earth when it went through a jump point.

Thankfully though, the Guardians of the Galaxy happened to be prisoners on the ship, and they helped bust them out. In return, Quill helped his fellow earthlings out by agreeing to fly them back to earth. But first, there was another distress call nearby.

“We are arriving.” Mantis alerts the rest of the team.

“All right, Guardians. Don't forget, this might be dangerous, so let's put on our mean faces.” Star Lord says as the Milano decelerates once they reach the coordinates.

A sea of bodies floats around, making Jaime and Tye momentarily forget about their petty bickering.

“What happened?” Mantis asks.

“Looks like we’re not getting paid.” Rocket mutters.

There’s a loud thump, Tye and Jaime’s eyes widen when they see the body of the mighty Avenger, Thor.

“Wipers! Wipers!” Rocket waves in disgust. “Get it off!”

The gods eye opens, everyone yells in surprise.

“Dude that’s Thor!” Tye shouts in disbelief.

“Who the hells Thor?” Gamora asked.

“That!” Tye and Jaime gesture wildly.

“Alright, Alright!” Star Lord stands up. “Let’s get him inside.”

Star Lord and Blue Beetle fly out and grab the god, dragging him into the ship. Drax and Tye (in his astral form) haul the heavy man onto a table that Rocket and Mantis cleared.

“How the Hell is this dude still alive?” Star Lord asked.

“Bro, he’s literally a god.” Jaime scoffs.

“Yeah, the guy cannot die.” Tye crossed his arms as they all stare down at Thor.

“Actually I think he can-“

“Nobody asked you.”

“Children, please.” Star Lord held a hand up to silence them. “We need to help this dude.”

“He is not a dude.” Drax piped up. “You're a dude. This... this is a man. A handsome, muscular man.”

“I’m muscular.” Quill says, clearly offended.

“Who are you kidding, Quill? You're one sandwich away from fat.” Rocket stares at the leader.

“Yeah right.” He scoffed.

“You have gained a little weight...” Drax says, before gesturing to his chin and belly.

“Gamora? Do you think I’m...”

“He is anxious. Angry. He feels tremendous loss and guilt.” Mantis informs the team.

“It’s like a pirate had a baby with an angel.” Drax says, almost dreamily.

“What is happening?” Jaime whispered to Tye.

“I’m still not talking to you.” Tye mumbled before sitting with Groot, and pettily glaring at Jaime from across the room.

The Guardians continue to dawn over Thor, bickering all the while. Mantis finally wakes him up, and he violently sits up and looks around. Jaime activates Blue Beetle, standing defensively with the others (besides Tye and Groot, who hardly even care to notice).

“Who the hell are you guys?” Thor asks, as everyone exchanged glances.

Jaime joins the other teenagers on the ship and watches as they establish who they are, then listen in horror to the stories of Thanos. He was headed straight for earth, their home.

Thor then shoved Tye and Jaime aside to get to a number pad near a door. They watch as he manually tried to figure out the code.

“What are you doing?” Quill asked.

“I’m taking your pod.” Thor says casually.

“No, you’re not.” Quill clears his throat, deepening his voice and suddenly having an accent.

“Uh...Quill?” Rocket stared at Quill in a teasing manner.

“Dude, did you just deepen your voice?” Tye snorts, him and Jaime laughing as Quill tries to make himself look bigger.

“No.”

“You are. You're imitating the god-man. It's weird.” Drax blinked in disbelief.

“No I’m not.” Star Lord put his hands on his hips.

“He just did the again!” Mantis gasped.

“This is my normal voice!” Quill protests.

“Are you mocking me?” Thor steps up to Quill, leaning down to glare at him.

“Are you mocking me?” Quill squeaked out.

“Stop it. You did it again.” Thor narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

“He’s trying to copy me.” Quill turned to Tye and Jaime as if to say ‘can you believe this guy?’.

“Sure, man.” Tye pat his shoulder.

“Enough!” Gamora snapped at the men. Her, Thor and Quill argued back and forth, trying to decide their next move. Finally, Rocket and Groot decide to go with Thor to Nidavellir.

“Boys, go with them.” Gamora orders.

“What? No way!” Tye immediately glared at her.

“We need to stop Thanos!” Jaime stands with his friend.

“Go with them! You’ll be safer than with us!” Gamora yells at them.

“No way, lady.” Tye crosses his arms and stood up to Gamora.

Everyone watched in tense horror as they had a stare down, nobody knowing who would strike first.

“Fine.” Gamora said through her teeth. “But don’t blame me if you get killed.”

“Whatever.” Tye grins in victory as she steps away.

“I bid you farewell and goodbye, morons.” Thor smiles before the pod takes off.

The Guardians break to plan, Tye and Jaime sit in the front chairs, after promising not to touch anything. It would be bad for the two inexperienced children to drive them into hyper space.

Tye ignores Jaime, still kinda pissed they were in the middle of space instead of at home at Stark Tower. They wondered if Mr. Stark had issued a worldwide search for them yet, or if Y/N and Eduardo had started threatening people to find them. This Thanos guy was coming right for their planet, which only added to their anxiety.

“I’m sorry I got us all the way out here, hermano.” Jaime sighs after awhile.

Tye raises an eyebrow at looks at his friend, seeing guilt evident on his usually happy face. Tye rolls his eyes and sighs, finally giving in.

“It’s fine, man.” He says. “I’m not really mad.”

Jaime raised an eyebrow.

“I am a little.” He shrugged. “But I’m not as mad as when Eduardo got us stuck here.”

“You’re still mad about that? This dimension is great.”

“Don’t you miss your family?”

“Obviously I do.” Jaime nodded. “But we’ve got one here, too.”

Tye nodded, and they both turn back to stare at the passing stars. They’re left alone for a long while, until the Guardians kick them out of their chairs when they arrive at Knowhere.

“You two stay here.” Quill orders Tye and Jaime.

“Man, we’re not useless children.” Tye rolled his eyes as he grabbed Jaime arm, following them anyways.

“You kid, are a stubborn little punk.” Quill balled a fist up in anger.

“So I’ve been told.” Tye nodded as Jaime activates Blue Beetle. “Chillax grandpa, we can take care of ourselves.”

“Grandpa?”

“Shut it!” Gamora hissed as they see some people up ahead.

Star Lord holds up a fist to signal for them to halt, but nobody pays him any attention and just walks past. Jaime follows Tye as they duck behind some rubble, and Star Lord gives them all orders. Drax becomes very angry very quickly, and starts to pursue Thanos. Quill motions for Tye and Jaime to grab him, but the destroyer is twice the size of both of them combined, so it was no use. Mantis reaches over and puts Drax to sleep, causing him to fall and alert Thanos of their presence.

“Gamora, Mantis, you go right. Boys, stay here. I’ll go left-“ Star Lord watches as Gamora charges at Thanos head on. “Your other right!”

Gamora stabs Thanos twice, then falls to floor in sobs. They watch as Thanos dies, but Tye senses this wasn’t the end.

“That was quick...” Quill says, surprised.

“Too quick.” Tye mumbles.

“What?” Jaime asks, but is interrupted by Thanos’ disembodied voice.

They watch as the scene bubbles away, and it’s revealed that the Collectors room is destroyed and on fire. Drax and Mantis leap at Thanos, but are disassembled. Tye and Jaime jump at him, but Thanos uses the power stone to knock them into a display case. Blue Beetle activates a blaster and shoots at the glass, but it bounces back and nearly hits both of them.

“Watch where you point that!” Tye yelped, shoving Jaime.

“Dude! Focus! Can’t you bust us outta this thing?” Jaime asked.

“If you can’t what makes you think I can?”

They look out to see Gamora in Thanos’ hold, Quill pointing an elemental gun at her. Thanos pushes her towards him, he shuts his eyes and pulls the trigger. Bubbles shoot out of the gun before it melts away, then Thanos and Gamora are gone.