#yes i in fact have no clue what this scale is actually of

[typingwithmyhandstied]

Nikolai Lantsov is one end of the scale. Cardan Greenbriar is the other. Orion Hong is dab in the middle.

[squiddy-god]

snake NSFW alphabet A-Z

NSFW smut, enjoy this I love snake so much

A- aftercare 

One of the better ones at aftercare because he is naturally very loving 

Always cleans you two up before he cuddles you

B-body part 

He doesn't have a favorite body part on himself

On you his favorite part is your hands, loves to hold them, to feel them against his skin etc 

C-cum

Thin and sticky, very translucent almost clear. Doesn't cum a lot initially but he just keeps sputtering out cum 

D- dirty

Wants so desperately for you to give him a hand job but he would never say that out loud 

E- experience

Virgin. He has never gotten any and honestly it would take him a long while to be comfortable with you enough to have sex 

F- favorite position

face off

He wants you to see his face, he wants to see your face and hear you 

Also loves that is a gentle position

G- goofy

No- man is insecure about intimacy please he needs this to be serious at least at first 

H- hair 

No hair actually, but his pubic area has small silvery scales similar too the rest of his body

I- intimacy

Incredibly romantic, makes Sure to always look at you

He now lights a candle for light and ambiance

J- jack off 

Literally is too scared to

He also has very little desire or time 

K- kink 

Biteing

I'll say it again, it's like something possess him and he just needs to bite you, Mark your up with his fangs

Never too hard unless you really ask him to full on bite you 

L- location 

Only in the comfort of his room when he's absolutely Sure there is not a single soul around

Or perhaps if he's really desperate, in a small clearing in the woods where no one ever goes, nice and warm in the sun

M- motivation

Watching you masterbate really gets him hard as rock. 

Besides that warmth in general gets him a bit hot and bothered 

N- no

Won't let anyone else have you<3

Also won't hurt you outside of biteing and he still feels bad 

O-oral 

Loves to give oral and the forked tongue definitely helps

Likes when you guide him through eating you out 

P- pace 

Slow sensual

Likes to rutt inside you just enough for stimulation but also nice and slow 

Q- quickie

Nope! He's not a fan of them because they feel less intimate

R- risk 

He's not a risky snake, outside of the occasional rare fantasy he's pretty vanilla

S- stamina 

Years of circus work and fighting has given him quite a bit of stamina, combined with the fact your too warm to resist he can go for 2-3 rounds before he get tired 

T- toy 

No clue what those are! 

U- unfair

If anything you will be teasing him lmao 

V- volume 

HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE WHIMPERS HE- 

SNAKE WHIMPERS so breathy and pretty! He can't help it! 

Besides that he's pretty quite 

W- wild 

The parches of skin where he has scales are extra sensitive after he's shed and rubbing them will make him cum in his pants 

X- xray

5in soft 6in hard 

Thin and not to girthy with the base being littered with scales 

Not human shaped at all, more of a this shape- 

Yes… he has two of them the second one right below the other is slightly larger at 6.in hard 

Pale almost pearlescent base that's lighter then his skin, with a pretty pink flush towards the head 

Y- yearning

He's not horny often but if it gets to warm he gets more horny then normal 

Z- zzz

He actually finds it had to sleep after sex and will stare at you until he can't blink back sleep<3

[olivescales3]

The Forgotten Legends of Chima Episode 4

“My dad really knew what he was talking about. There’s nothing in here”, Eris ruffles up her white feathers in frustration as she picks up everything available to analyze in this small section of a tall shelf.

The piles of paper and files have been growing ever since noon. And even before that, Eris’ voice didn’t stop echoing around the library from morning until now. The sunlight that was hitting our heads is now softer, but still feels like a heat wave is upon us, with the ceiling made out of glass radiating extreme warmth on us. I’m surprised how this hasn’t gone down with fires yet. Cragger is panting, trying to cool himself off, alas, to no avail— his arm’s temperature is hotter than normal, I can sense his scales getting dull from the touch of my paws. Eris, however, seems unbothered by all this heat.

She turns around, giggling a bit, “Guess you guys live in the cooler side of Chima. Just wait for the sun to move away.”

We continue listening to the incessant page-flipping noises. How come we’ve been almost the entire day here, and yet no sign of clues?

“If we don’t find anything soon, I fear that our situation might actually turn for the worse. I might’ve recovered, but this doesn’t mean we don’t have someone behind our backs.”

Eris freezes in place for a brief moment, her beak pointed at the empty shelf. She then turns around, facing the mounts she accumulated throughout the day. They look intimidating for sure; I wouldn’t have the brainpower to absorb— furthermore dissect— all of that information. She’s very dedicated to her goals. Pages upon pages of archived material won’t stop her from spreading them all across the wooden floor. This vast library’s walls are covered with books, but its center is empty; how many books are there, really? After a few minutes of thinking, the eagle calls us to stand besides her, then sits down.

The countless papers describing our sky and starts in detail… Ah, even from the distance I can find studies about the moon!

Eris sighs, perplexed, “So far, the only information I’ve found about the Hundred Year Moon was from anecdotes—”, she picks up a piece of thick, old paper, “and the document my dad previously talked about, like, a week ago”.

Unfortunately, ever since I got myself entangled on the inter-tribal dispute with those crocodiles, my dad started to be more worried with my vulnerability on the outside world… which is something I can’t deny. The incidents related to wolf deaths and the Purple Moon also began to increase, alongside to the strong rise in robbery of Chi— it’s a strange coincidence, too.

“The old piece of document aside, which I’ll try to decipher later— we only have three crucial clues for our mystery: the Purple Moon being linked to wolves going insane, who afterwards go searching for Chi.”

I ask, “Do you mean that the Purple Moon and Chi are somehow linked?”

She nods in response.

“Aight, but… If that’s the case”, Cragger interrupts our conversation, “then why did a lone wolf attack Laval?”

Eris shrugs; perhaps that specific wolf wasn’t affected by it, as they attacked me independently of the others in a premeditated manner.

She proceeds to grab a book, one that is open on a section about the moon. “I’ve been speculating about this for a while now… Chi has a liquid form, doesn’t it?”

I nod; Chi, in a liquid state, can be seen all the time, back at the Sacred Pool of Chi.

“It’s a well known fact— at least inside our Eagle circle— that the common moon shakes the lakes and rivers of Chima”, the bright eagle continues speaking as she looks at me attentively, “but the Sacred Pool of Chi is unaffected by this strange pull.”

The heat begins to die down a bit, enough for our minds to refresh. I have slight difficulties breathing because of the altitude, but it’s the expected. I’m feeling better, at least.

“Chi is normally found in crystal form, Eris.”

“Yes… but!”

She observes once again all of the things she had previously scattered, and focuses on them with her eagle vision. If there’s something unclear to us, then it’s obvious to her. I don’t doubt that a genius like Eris will let us down.

She adds, “ It wouldn’t hurt to test it out. Tomorrow will be Chi’s Giving.”

Because of the reoccurring incidents, our visits have to be done from inside the lion temple. Lagravis had discussed with his brother on how to let important visitors without risking them being attacked by the wolves— they reached the conclusion that events such as our “Chi’s Giving” can only be executed in the morning, around the time the Sacred Pool of Chi is bright enough like the sky above it.

I observe the blue, liquid Chi inside the pool; it twitches around in small waves, almost freezing at certain areas, which soon sinks then rises to the surface as a crystal.

Those waves… do they react with the Purple Moon?

“What are you looking at, son?”, Dad interrogates me, his worried tone of voice sounds passive aggressive— or that’s what it feels. He’s behind my area of view.

Lagravis kept his body stiff on top of his throne the entire time we waited for our guests. He chose to not budge. I fear for my dad, that anguish has started to consume him whole…

The temperature in the room refreshes a lot, and not even the scorching torches that hang from pillars are able to heat us up properly. It’s much better than whatever went on at the library.

I turn around; Dad’s head lies on his hand as support, and he’s sitting with legs crossed. The tapping noises from his toe echo across the octagonal room, though they blend in against the noises of the Chi waterfall behind my father.

“I’ve been thinking about Chi for a while. Do you believe there’s a reason for the wolves to want it so much?”

He sighs. “One can only speculate, Laval.”

Tall silhouettes appear on the distance, who seem to walk at our direction. A surge of relief falls upon me— I’ve been waiting for this moment, eager even, as Eris might push us forward and give us a boost to end this mess. Then, the clouds of feathers shine through the Chi’s light, revealing themselves as Ewald and his kin. They greet us with a shy hello.

It’s only a few minutes later that someone brings the courage to speak:

“Ah… well, quite complicated, isn’t it?”, Equila stuttered.

His white feathers blend with the blue reflection of the Chi; the light also hit his eyes, which aren’t protected by his goggles.

No one else had the audacity to speak over Lagravis’ silence, but Equila’s words have compelled my father to reply.

“Good morning. Yes, everything thus far has been more than complicated”. The lion king stands still behind the Sacred Pool of Chi, itching his chin nervously. “I hope you understand why I took these measures. It is simply not possible to hold the Chi’s Giving event outdoors. We have to escort Chima’s kings inside the lion temple.”

Ewald bows in agreement without letting his golden wreath fall down to the ground.

Eris and I glance at each other; this is the longest my dad has taken to execute this ceremony. He seems hesitant, his eyes staring down the electric blue liquid. I can see his paws shaking ever so slightly, and his black, shiny lips struggling to open.

I walk next to him and hold his hand; it’s cold and sweaty, kind of like mine sometimes. Lagravis melts a bit, his anxiety tones down. My eagle friend also comes to comfort Dad: she lays her head on his shoulder, then hugs him tight. It’s not we’re supposed to treat a king, but he isn’t bothered by our manners at all.

Ewald chuckles. “I’m sorry—”

“No. Do not apologize. I… needed this.”

Lagravis detaches us off him, proceeding then to kneel to the Sacred Pool of Chi; his muzzle falls near the reserve’s water, appearing as a distorted reflection on the liquid’s surface. Afterwards he raises his arms to honor Mount Cavora above us.

“I, king of the lions, hereby lend you the Chi bestowed by our creator, Mount Cavora. Your tribe shall be blessed by its magnificent power.”

This isn’t even the beginning of the ritual, and yet, the water inside the pool already begins to vibrate with intensity— it sways in huge waves, forming crystals from below. Nature itself is manifesting its power. It intimidates both Eris and I– her eyes glint not in a way it would–, because we’re sure to test whatever it takes to learn about this miracle we call Chi. Some may say it’s a daring move, or that we’re going against nature’s will, but I don’t care—

A surge of uncertainty pierces my heart.

Well… perhaps I do care. But I believe that I’m doing this for Chima, for everyone.

Lagravis continues his speech, while retrieving the crystals, “Please, accept this gift from Mount Cavora. We would be nothing without it.” He marches towards the leader of the Eagle’s Ruling Council. “Use it well, use it wisely.”

Lion guards, including Longtooth and Leonidas, surround them while wielding ceremonial spears, and tilt them, making some kind of ‘tent’ shape. They raise their spears and shout, “For Chima!”, before hitting their polearms on the ground in synchrony.

Usually, music would play. Seems that this event is going to be more discrete than usual.

The lion guards leave, marching outside the temple. Lagravis nods to signal that the event is over. It was quicker than I expected.

Eris waves to me. She blinks, because she knows she’ll see me later. I wave back. They leave.

…A surge of loneliness hits me. Why does all of this feel so… lonely? Before, animals from all tribes would look at us receiving our Chi. They would cheer out of excitement. Now, it’s just us, afraid, in danger. We’re terrified, with no light giving us hope to leave the cave of despair. I can’t understand why would this Purple Moon even happen in the first place, but it’s making our lives miserable. That’s why I want to find a solution; I want to bring peace again, just like a prince would do. Or, I hope to do such a thing. I will not disappoint.

----

I had seated myself on the first step of the Lion Temple’s entrance, as the scorching sun sizzled on my bruises and made them ache. I kept observing the few clouds that barely did anything to protect my fur; they came and went, just like the hours did. I ended up submerging myself into some kind of weird reality where only the blue sky existed, but it was just me drowning under my boredom. I had waited for Eris, and she came.

“Laval! Hello? Please, get away from the sunlight, you’re going to have a heatstroke!”, my friend scolds me, “You’ve been still for a while, it’s worrying, you know.”

I nod. “Yes… Sorry.”

I didn’t notice it at the time, but she parked her white, shiny Speedor right in front of the stairway. Animals go up and down, avoiding the vehicle that’s blocking their path. A few of them even glance at us, which is understandable, because they’re witnessing two important animals just… staying in the middle of their way. Me almost suffering from a heatstroke is also concerning. Eris hops on her unicycle, and I place myself behind her. As she takes her leave, riding us away from the Lion Temple, she turns to the left.

Our surroundings become drier, the landscape barren and fragile. Eris took a decent path towards the Eagle Spire. I think it’s quite fun to see that tall peak from far away.

She begins to speak, waving her head sideways, “So… you see, I may have just found something important… Actually— it may be just a hunch, but I need to test something out.”

I poke my friend’s back to remind her that she’s driving.

“Sure. What is it?”

She points at the sky, bringing my attention to an almost transparent dark dot. “That might be the Purple Moon. I saw it using my telescope just to make sure.”

“And you’re still not sure?”

“…Yeah— Doesn’t hurt to test it out, though!”

“Test what—”, my voice is cut off by Eris’ sudden speeding.

A marvelous sight at the Eagle Spire’s helipad greets me. It’s awesome! Eris brought a single Chi crystal with her. It shines bright, spreading light blue across our view.

The eagle observes her Chi up close.

“After the ceremony, my dad told me about the wolf invasion that happened inside your borders. I am sorry for the losses of both the Lion and Wolf Tribe… However, he said that those wolves were after your Chi, and it made me think for a while!”

Eris’ enthusiasm with her research surprises me… How can she keep such a bright spirit amidst the horrors of the Purple Moon?

“I have a tiny speculation… that might crack the code! That’s why I chose to call you under the Purple Moon.”

I ask about her ideas; she raises her voice in excitement.

“The Chi might be influenced by it!”

“Does this mean that you’ll have to use this crystal for your own research? Chi is a scarce resource! Do not!”

She groans. “Do you want more wolves to die?”

I shake my head.

Then, a familiar approaches us. Equila has come to see us, but why? Eris smirks in silence, refusing to utter a word. She giggles a bit before raising her head with a menacing grin. A macabre and suspenseful weight pushes both Equila and I down as we wait for the genius eagle to speak.

At the helipad, our horizon broadens exponentially— I can see the Outlands from here! It’s amazing to see the gray landscape of the Alpine Tundra, where stipples of dull greenery scatter across the surface. Sometimes, if I tilt my head, everything flattens up.

A cold touch pokes my shoulder, catching me off guard. Did I get distracted again?… Eris and her brother stand behind me; Equila’s expression right now has changed into fear, with sweat falling down his slick feathers, an unbelievable face considering how overly happy he was at the time of the last Speedorz Race; his orange goggles can’t be found on him, which reveals a worried and anxious look I’ve never seen on him before. He’s quiet. 

Eris, on the other hand, is excited, chirping underneath her fluffy feathers. She has been holding a Chi crystal between her delicate talons. But then, she hands it to Equila.

“What do you want..?” He shrieks quietly.

Eris has not spoken yet, as she would only chirp merrily; a macabre suspense haunts the air around us, raising anxiety at each breath she takes. The bird looks at her awkward, scared brother, who reciprocates the visual contact. 

“I want you to eat the Chi.”

Equila gasps in response, his beak open wide; this terrifying demand pierced through Equila like a thunder and left him paralyzed from head to toe. It was only seconds later that he managed to sweep away the shock and snatch the crystal from Eris’ talons, placing it behind his back.

“Eris! What went through your head?”, his despair shoots through his screaming voice, “Where did you get that idea from!”

In the blink of an eye, Eris holds herself back but returns to her eager face; her eyelids shine slightly with a faint violet tint of the Purple Moon that’s far away into the sky, hidden in plain sight.

She sighs, “I’ve thought hard about this. I’m not doing a sort of gag— if I understand how the Chi works, we might solve the problems that cause the wolves’ aggressiveness.”

Equila is visibly unable to understand his sister’s words and chooses to not ask any further.

“Your sacrifice won’t go in vain! Please, help us free the Wolf Tribe from suffering.”

“S— sacrifice? I don’t want to die! Eris, I’m begging you, for the Phoenixes’ sake, leave this idea behind. I am not going to swallow a Chi crystal.”

My friend clenches her palms; she frowns her fluffy eyebrows; her patience is reaching its limit. In an outburst, she cries:

“If you won’t, then I will!”

She’s not willing to back down.

I swallow my saliva in anguish. There’s no way she would do that, I thought, but if she’s this determined…

I lay my paw on her tall shoulder. She freezes for an instant. 

Equila’s eyes twitch between the Chi on his grasp and his sister. He has a multitude of choices, but seems to only think of two. And so, with grief… he shoved the Chi down his throat. He flinches in pain, gulping multiple times; he starts to gag uncontrollably afterwards.

Eris stands there, staring at her brother— who once was an extroverted, outgoing eagle— transform into a surge of uncontrollable anguish. As the Chi went down his throat, he choked for a bit— then, a blue, almost ghostic silhouette of his rose from the ground, and it pushed us away with a powerful blow. After that, Equila’s eyes shined like the Chi he had swallowed. He couldn’t hide the pain, wouldn’t stop screeching; his cries have been piercing our eardrums, along with the noises of his nails scratching the helipad’s floor. Tears fell down his face until he was unable to hold himself any longer. It feels like an eternity—

He pounces on me, but lands face first onto the floor. I quickly turn around and run up to Eris, who kept watching everything without moving an inch. Senses come back to her, she pulls me tight to her bulky chest.

The haze leaking from Equila’s beak transitions from blue to purple, and the screams that rise out of his lungs become more and more unbearable.

“Somebody help us, please! Equila, hang in there!”, Eris pleas, her voice blending in with the painful noise underneath. Her panting breath grows louder as she holds me strong in the air.

A flash turns at us, and, in the blink of an eye, we’re inside a jet. My head stumbles itself into a state of shock; all that surrounds me become twisted into a fuzzy mess hurting my brain.

Soon enough, my eyes return to normal, yet I feel light headed. To my side, where the passenger’s door is, I can see ten other jets surrounding the Eagle Spire’s helipad, beaming downwards blue fire to stay afloat in the sky.

“Stay where you are, Equila!”, a deep, breathy voice shouts, “We won’t hurt you— just be still!”

The feral white eagle can be seen clenching himself from afar; he’s really trying to not go against those orders. However, I have a gut feeling that it won’t take too long for Equila to lose his control.

A sudden gust of wind races from Equila’s wings and wobbles the jets, including the one I’m in. At this moment, I turn around and notice that Ewald was the one who saved Eris and I from any further harm. He, the leader of the Eagle’s Ruling Council, put his life on the line for our sake. Right now, he looks horrified. His son has gone into a state of madness because of the Chi.

Eris cries with her hands over her face, “D— dad! I’m sorry! It’s all my fault.”

“What do you mean?”, her father shuddered.

Then, Equila punches his wings around the sky and they push the air at every flap, but it seems like he can’t keep up with the flight— the bright electricity on his body begins to sizzle, and the eagle has become unable to maintain his position. He lands on the Eagle Spire’s ground, exhausted.

When our eagle jet roosts down, Eris pushes the door open and sprints towards her unconscious brother. I follow suit, walking behind her.

The bird’s face rests emotionless, besides the pain felt wrinkles near his eyes. My friend lays her head on his chest; the tears that fall across her feathers would soon hit her brother’s apparently unmoving keel. His wings are spread across the floor, tainted with dust. However, Equila’s body is not stiff; when I lay my fingers on his wrist and press it for a bit, I can feel the blood crossing inside of him.

I smile in tears. “He’s not dead”, I cry.

A navy blue eagle— the one who helped us just now— leaves his flying vehicle. He walks up to Equila and, with a red magnifying monocle, analyzes his every feather.

Ewald whispers, his voice weak, “Eglor… Tell me that my son is alive!”

“Yes, he is. It would be a lie to say that he isn’t!

Eglor pokes Equilas knee, and the tendons jerk in reaction.

“Now, call the paramedics! I can’t help him all by myself”

Both Ewald and Eris screech with every strength their lungs can muster; thereafter, from a faraway building at the Eagle Spire, blue-tinted raptors slide in the air towards us, and four of them seem to hold a stretcher; they quickly come by, laying their golden claws down on the helipad. Equila is placed on top of the stretcher, disappearing alongside the other adults.

For a fleeting moment, I saw Eris' eyes shed tears, but she fled just as fast as the other eagles while mumbling to herself; each step she took was too fast for me to keep up with, and her words got lost in between her despair. I could see her silhouette from afar, getting farther away from me.

She continues to sprint without looking back; one of her talons twist right at the edge of the ground— and Eris has fallen in front of my eyes. As I reach the same edge as she did, my heart starts to punch down my guts. However, she's flying fine— a bit disoriented, I'd say— straight up to the library. I run around the stairs of the mountain, trying to reach the same destination as my friend; they are long and hard to climb for a lion like me, though bearable enough right now; at my top speed, I drift along the stairway a few times and enter the library.

Absurdly tall bookshelves corner me akin to a maze, yet they cannot stop me from overhearing Eris' weeps that echo from left to right. I go through the jungle of books; the sections vary by subject, like religion and geography. Until, something catches my eye: Eris is removing a book from a shelf; her body quivers a lot, shaking the arms without control; she opens the book, trembling, which reveals pages filled with child-like handwriting.

"I— I can't believe! Where is it?" She wails, the sound of flipping papers whispering beneath her tears.

The eagle seems to land on a specific part of the book, one that makes her stop and read; afterwards, she drops it and herself onto the wooden floor.

My soul can't stand looking at Eris like this!

"Eris! Don't worry, I'm here... Please—"

"I almost killed my brother!"

----

I can’t wipe the image off my mind— Equila’s reaction to the Chi was awful, and I suppose the pain he felt was horrible too. Though… I still don’t understand how this was influenced by the Purple Moon. Is it even a moon? And Equila ate a crystal, instead of drinking a liquid. Anyhow, now’s the perfect time to ask questions. Cragger and I have been waiting for our other friends to come, in hopes of discussing what to do next.

During our time doing nothing, Cragger kept nagging me about what games to play next.

I told him, “We’re in a critical situation right now, Cragger. It’s not safe to play out there!”

But then he got down to his knees and looked at me with big, watery eyes, begging me to race at least once.

“I have cool tricks to show you that Papa taught me! …Pretty please?”

“Okay, okay”, I grunted, “We’ll play later, just promise me to not do anything hasty.”

Well, at least that made my buddy calm down… He’s leaning on the same rock as I am, somewhere in the route between the Lion Temple and the Eagle Spire.

To think that I’ve been frequenting this area quite a bit…

Eris and Worriz arrive on their Speedorz, and we greet them.

“Good to see that you kept your promise, Laval…“, Worriz laughs, “You’ve been keeping a keen eye on this Chi stuff.”

I sigh, “Only keeping a keen eye… Since Eris is the one doing the actual research.”

My fur looks unkempt; I barely had the energy to tidy up, as the recent memories of Equila’s agonies haunted me down to my core— it made my paws tremble, and I needed to hide from Dad whatever happened beforehand by lying through my teeth that I was fine. I’m laying lies after lies; this will not end well. Dark circles cast from underneath my eyes, very much so, to the point where not even makeup could make them less visible.

“What are you going to do next?”, the pup asks Eris, snarking, “You guys are catching up some pace, but are still nowhere. Sacrificing your brother won’t do much.”

She puffs up, frustrated at Worriz’ words. “I’m planning to bring a bucket of Chi where the Purple Moon is near.”

Cragger, who was distracted with the rattling leaves from above, becomes startled with our conversation. “Where is the bucket of Chi? Don’t we just have crystals?”

“Or so you’d think— but I let the Chi simmer on hot water and melt for a long time. Oh, also, I thought that you could take notes with Laval during our experiment. We have to document everything we see... Everything.”

He nods. 

Eris speaks with a melancholic tone of voice, “Great... Let’s go at the West side of Chima tonight, the three of us.”

Worriz huffs while hopping on his Speedor without afterthought and quickly leaves the area. It’s surprising that he spoke so little during our short meeting— perhaps it’s another jab against us? Or is he wimping out like a coward? … Is it my appearance? 

----

The sky is pitch black, but It doesn’t bother us for the experiment. Instead, this might as well be the ideal scenario for Eris’ plans. From above, the only source of light remains the Purple Moon, and from below– where we are– dances a tiny flame at the eagle’s palm; a torch brightens the liquid Chi inside this bucket on the floor.

“When the moon moves, it might pull the liquid Chi. I made sure to come here when the normal moon was unable to be seen”, says Eris.

I— I can’t believe we’ve come this far. Equila's temporary sacrifice of his well-being showed itself to be the key for our experiment. We will save the wolves, I’m sure of it. If this water sways along with the Purple Moon, Chima will finally have some peace of mind.

I poke Cragger’s shoulder and point upwards. “Are you keeping track of the moon?”

He looks at me, slightly startled, as if I had caught him off guard, then returns his gaze to the bright, cursed sphere that hangs atop the horizon.

I stare deep at the Chi. Adrenaline pushes my heart back and forth. Pencil and paper in hand, my paws shake as sweat begins to crawl down my forehead— I swipe it aside with the back of my wrist as to not let it fall into the bucket. But the liquid wont move.

A sudden force pushes my arm.

“Look! The stars, they’re shinin’.”

At that moment, the Chi shook— it moved!

“Take notes!”, Cragger shouts.

I rapidly push my pencil on the paper and scribble down what I witnessed.

Eris and Cragger rush towards the bucket, observing it with all of their energy. Again, it moved!

Tears slide down Eris’ eyes. Cragger shoves us into a hug. We start to jump around and frolic.

Who could’ve thought that this was so easy, so quick? It’s amazing!

Thud!

Something hit the bucket; it’s circling on its own circumference. The liquid rocks violently, and it’s pushing the metal object.

Thud!

The bucket falls down. All of its insides flow out, being absorbed by the grass.

Then, a gust of dust blinds us for a second, before our surroundings tremble. Worse— I can see that a huge stampede runs at our direction.

A piercing agony cuts me in half, hardening my legs like dry clay. I can see the wave of creatures consuming the horizon. They get closer and closer each time I blink.

“Laval, what are you doing? Run!”, Eris screams from the bottom of her lungs.

She pulls me with her hand. I can’t stop looking behind me, even if she’s dragging me away from that crowd.

Loud howls form a symphony of wildness, followed by the percussion of paws running on the ground.

My legs return to their senses and begin moving with my will. I turn around and sprint far away from the stampede, but the darkness of the night engulfs us into a sudden, unpredictable maze. The cracking noises of leaves and branches can’t muffle down the stalking wolves; they get louder by the minute— they might catch us soon.

A sudden pebble gets stuck in between my toes— I loose my balance and trip. I can only feel the leaves breaking under my fall. But something lifts me just after, as it tightly grips my tunic.

I tried to scream, but fear shut my mouth.

And yet, the stampede is behind us. Maybe.

“How’re you this heavy?”

This familiar voice breaks the suspense haunting me. Childlike and brittle… It can only be Cragger!

“Alert! There’s a big tree nearby. Follow me!”

We follow suit the eagle’s words.

An explosion of leaves echo out of our sight.

“I— They’re getting closer!”

Eris’ voice becomes louder than before, "Cragger, please, hold my friend tight!”

He groans, “What do you mean?”, before a gush of wind pushes upwards on us.

Wing flaps can be heard, slow but steady. Worse— it seems that Eris picked us up just by herself! The pressure on my tunic gets stronger, starting to rip part of my clothes, and it worsens with my friends wobbling atop the sky, until I’m finally able to touch on high branches.

My friends proceed to hold themselves onto the tree alongside me. From the looks of it, as I stare downwards at the tree’s roots, the trunk is very, very tall. Weird enough, the branches are long yet sturdy, flowing in whatever direction it can.

The moonlight shines, hitting faintly on these huge, hollow seeds that hang from those branches. They’re not just hollow; they have open holes like doors and windows! Are they houses?

Cragger whimpers, “Eris… Tha’was close! How did you…”

“You just answered me by yourself.”

He sighs.

From below, the rush of wolves pass galloping in a hurry, avoiding us and the tree, but their noise attracts an unexpected rumble at our height too. We hear heavy panting, and it gets louder by the minute.

“Dude!”, the disembodied voice groans, “What in Cavora is going on?”

I look behind me and notice a small gorilla, perhaps a kid even, juggling from branch to branch until he reaches us— up close, his bright markings all across his face feel familiar.

“Ey, Gorzan!”, Cragger greets the child in relief.

“Oh, hi bud. Crocodiles never climb trees.”

Gorzan stares at us, suspicious of why we’re here in the first place. Though, he looks down once more, then analyzes us briefly, before nodding.

“So you guys are also troubled by this mess?…”

“Wait— what do you mean ‘also’? Where were you during all of the past Hundred Year Moon incidents?”

Eris starts to propel herself using an offshoot in an attempt to wrestle the kid, but he remains unfazed. The eagle’s eyes shine with tears— I suppose adrenaline also pumps violently in her, just like it does in me.

“…We stayed home each and every night it crossed our view. We’re not reckless, you know!”

I unwillingly giggle, my voice trembling a bit; now everyone’s attention is directed at me, so I lower my voice.

“Yes… We aren’t reckles… I guess…”

The gorilla laughs loud, swaying himself around. He’s amused, but I’m not. I don’t think my other friends are amused either. But he’s there, kicking his feet on the air, for a minute. Underneath his smile, I can notice he’s slightly nervous. Then, he returns to a calmer stance, hanging with one hand.

"You guys should come with me. My grandpa won't be happy to see us here like this..."

After being led with my friends by Gorzan into his village, we're greeted with faint lights that scatter across the enormous tree they're hanging from. Those lights all come from the houses of the Gorilla Tribe; one of them in particular strikes attention because of its flashy blue paint job. Gorzan points at it, telling us about a little party that was going on in there; it got previously interrupted due to the sudden wolf stampede, followed by our screaming. He proceeds to vocalize and whoop; the other gorillas who remained inside that house reply and wave at us. We swing our way to the party.

As we set our foot inside that abode, a dizzy sensation makes me lose focus; the seed is more hollow than I had imagined, with a lot of empty room, besides a circle of gorillas awaiting for us. One of them, a grayed elder, itches his dry lips before drinking straight from an open coconut.

"Thank you, grandson, for saving the future of Chima...", he bows to the child in relief, "When I heard them, I immediately recognized their voices... An old leader like me can't do much."

Gorzan gives him a massage on the shoulders. "Grizzam, don't worry about it, I brought them here just fine! Let's just relax and party!"

Another tiny gorilla, dressed up with flowers, hands us a handful of coconuts. Her blue skin bears a resemblance to Gorzan's, but her fur is brown.

“Drink it— you’ll feel much better, especially if you did a lot of exercise beforehand!

She crawls up to us, then whispers, “My bro loves coconut water… That’s because it helps you regain the salts you lose when sweating!”

Gorzan blushes in reaction after overhearing our small conversation.

He says, “Don’t mind G'loona, please! My sister's kinda talkative about our lives…”

“But she didn’t say anything special… Oh well, perhaps I do need to drink this more often”, I tilt the fruit at my muzzle and drink the refreshing liquid, “I tend to sweat a lot… Do you Gorzan?”

His face immediately becomes shiny, with water dripping from his forehead. He covers his face in shame and everybody laughs.

Eris starts to dance to the rhythmic clapping of the animals around us; Cragger also joins the fun; everyone chants and sway around eagerly... but me. I look behind, stare at the dead of night, thinking about the bucket of Chi we abandoned. Oh well, I wonder what those wolves did with it. The music bounces around the house— my ears hurt! Eris, however, probably noticed me crouched on the floor; she reaches her hand, inviting me to dance.

Should I?

My legs wobble and I fall back to the ground. She giggles and lifts me up.

"Don't be shy, Laval! I know you can dance."

"Yes... But—"

The gorillas stop their music. Grizzam's pale blue eyes shrink unexpectedly.

"You heard that?", he utters, "Troops are marching their way here. Gorzan, take care of the unwarranted visitors!"

The grandchild bows before hopping down the house; he descends from branch to branch, until I can't see him well at this height. I crouch again and tilt my ears forward; the silence helps me eavesdrop a husky voice below, then faint metallic noises. Eris sits near me, picking her feathers.

"Hey—", "Calm down..."

"Bring them to me!"

Afterwards, Gorzan comes back, panting and trembling.

"It's... It's the Crocodile Tribe's commander, grandpa! He wants Cragger and Laval!"

My blood runs cold— The commander, he said!

Grizzam coughs. "I suppose someone had to come rescue these children..."

I snap, "But— Why would it have to be the commander-in-chief? What about Cragger's dad! He's the king! Right, Cragger?"

He stays quiet. "I— uhh... I dunno..."

Gorzan pulls our hands, visibly afraid. Cruz— I can't even imagine what that deplorable criminal said to him!

"Guys... We have no choice", he whispers.

Cragger and I are brought down to the earth's level, face to face with the blue, tall, intimidating crocodile and his army. The moon still shines bright, but the purple tint has gone away. Gorzan runs back to the tree, and we're left alone with the crocs.

A medium sized vehicle stands behind Cruz; it's bulky and wide, with a crocodilian mouth open on the front. Cragger is slowly escorted by some guards to the back of that tank, slow enough to be deliberate; I see him distracted, his back facing me.

A blunt force hits my head and all fades to black.

----

That... horrible, disembodied voice— I know it... I've heard it one too many times. It pierces my skin without remorse. It haunts me, crawls inside my eardrums, spits on me, screams at me.

"And you thought that you could get away from me, brat!"

Cruz' foul breath hurts my eyes; I tear up, and whatever I could barely see is now gone. The humid and airtight room makes me squirm.

"What are you even doing?", I cry.

He pushes my head onto something hard; the pain spreads around the back of my skull. "Making sure you don't get in my way."

"Way of what?"

He hits me again, but I hold myself back from crying. "What do you have to do with the wolves?"

A finger shoves itself onto my muzzle; it pulls my mouth upwards, then snaps it back to place.

"You rat— Why should I tell you anything?" He stays silent for a moment, breathing heavily. "It doesn't matter anymore. I got what I wanted; you'll see it soon when I kill your entire family!"

No— not my family!

Chains rustle as I shake my body, trying to free myself. Cruz laughs with a raspy, sadistic cackle, before wet steps begin to hide his voice: "The Crocodile 'king' has a huge storm coming for him... Hah!"

Dead silence.

Here I am, once again caught in between these chains, hidden by the shadows of a selfish commander. 

"If someone tried to attack us, we'd have no choice but to defend ourselves", the words of my uncle echo in mind.

While I am left here to rot, Cruz will, without a doubt, start war against my tribe. Perhaps... kidnapping me was the plan, to avoid the wolves from being saved, to continue this disaster and take advantage of it? Stir violence from violence? Meanwhile, where is Crominus? He's the one in charge; where is he in a fragile moment like this! 

I stare down at my stiff, tightly held body; the strength of those chains begin to hurt my bones. An anguished sigh leaves my throat.

If I recall properly... Cragger didn't know where his dad was, right? I wouldn't be surprised if my Dad summoned him because of Cruz' actions. But it doesn't make sense for Cruz to be left alone and do what he wants!

Sudden noises– of what sound like sparks– burst around the surface; I hold my breath and listen to them, but they're interrupted by faraway screaming; it's followed by dashing steps that get stronger by the second, alongside a torch I see, being held by Crawley. He enters the cave, looks around, then whispers: "Dang it! Cruz has to stop drifting away from my plans!". When he noticed that I listened to it all, he gives me an ugly look, akin to a threat, and leaves the place.

"Troops, to the entrance! Go!", Cruz' orders manage to get inside my eardrums.

Noises of metallic weaponry clanging and banging around follow suit, but one seems to direct itself inside the cave. A tall brown crocodile, with a metal lower jaw, rises from the depths holding a torch.

The crocodile moves behind me and begins to melt down the chains holding me; the dampness of this cave makes them sizzle ever so slightly, as fire appears within my view.

“W– what are you doing!”, I cough blood.

Suddenly, the chains fall free onto the muddy floor, but I’m held by unbelievably huge, muscular arms.

“Silence”, he whispers, “They’ll catch us if you make any noise.”

The stranger hugs me tight before running away; I cannot see properly for I have been tied up longer than anything in my life; though I lost track of time, the light quickly blinds me in a matter of what feels like minutes, and deafening noises of heavy vehicle tracks invade my unrecognizable surroundings.

Even if my senses are adrift, I will always find my way— unfortunate, however, the stench of blood floats on the atmosphere; rich and metallic— a smell that I am too familiar with.

I cry, “The gore… It’s sickening…”

The crocodile’s heart beat shoots fast.

“Crug, you insolent swine! Go to the battlefield like I ordered you to!”, Cruz’ orders echo from afar.

Crug rubs my eyes, helping me regain my sight. He pets my tiny little mane and leaves me behind, hidden besides a tall tree, whose roots rise of the ground with very good shade. I hide underneath it, then stare at the mud on my legs and arms. Ugh.

And so I dive myself into the mud, hoping that my adrenaline stink becomes less noticeable.

Ugly screams of agony shake the ground, mixed with thuds of dead bodies being shot with Chi lasers, metals clanging, blood splattering. I could not interfere. Neither could I help. I'm left to rot here, and if I leave, I will die! Oh Mount Cavora— I had a hunch that Cruz was indeed plotting something... And he did! Outside of the Crocodile's Swamp Hideout is a battlefield!

Underneath all of the noise, a firm voice passionately screams far away: "Give my nephew back to me, heinous criminal! You will never be king, speaking as the brother of one! You are nothing but—"

A heavy gunshot silences Lavertus.

"I will run over all of your lions! Crominus is no longer with us— I, the commander of this tribe's army, have become the Crocodile Tribe's only ruler!", other gunshots ensue, followed by painstaking roars of demise, "Your nephew keeps meddling in my business; I'll take care of him just like I did with those soldiers!"

Crocodile soldiers bellow in pain; I close my ears in reaction. My body shakes in fear, as sweat surges from my skin.

No... First the wolves, now the crocodiles... No... Cragger— Oh Cragger, I'm sorry, I hope you're alright...

Lavertus groans, "Crominus... Crun— They're at the Eagle Spire, and you pounced at the moment they left because of the Purple Moon! You coward!"

I shut my muzzle shortly after, as to not gasp. My heartbeat loses all rhythm and goes out of control. Tears cascade down, burning my eyes.

Everything around me becomes bleached of color in a sudden— these wooden walls that surround the Crocodile's Swamp Hideout curl into an oddly familiar shape, similar to the Coliseum; it's like I'm watching a Speedor Race from above, as the tiniest of ants spiral, until a crocodilian mount of dirt rises from the ground, holding a gun.

Its eyes shine bright, like amber.

"The wolves, Laval... They don't know it yet!", it screeches into a macabre laugh, "It's too late. Give up."

In a fraction of a second, the entire scenario dissolves, revealing Lennox in front of the hideout's now burnt down walls. He pulls me away from underneath the tree, and, while he runs to somewhere, my eyes begin to lose their senses.

"Laval! Oh, please...", Lavertus' voice is swallowed by the never-ending cries of misery, as I fall asleep within someone's grasp.

----

I start shoving my face onto the bed's pillow with strength— it becomes stained with warm tears and mucus. I cry, scream, muffling down my voice on the cushion.

"Why, why? I'm useless! Oh Mount Cavora— ever since that sinister wolf hurt me, everyone's lives have been falling apart. I tried all I could, but it always ends up unfolding into something terrible. Wolves are being killed everyday, and now we got crocodiles trying to take advantage of this for power!"

My tail, whipping sideways, hits something— then it gets grabbed and pulled around! Ouch! And so I turn around.

It was Furty who picked my tail; but as I stare at his body, I notice the stiffness of his bright orange fur; his tan raggedy clothes are covered in dirt and grass. The fox’s quaking in place, kneeling in front of my bed, clenching his hands as if begging.

“Please, Laval, hear me out!”, he whimpers, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but please give me one chance!”

“W— what is it? How did you even get in here? Guar—“, I tried to scream, but he shut my muzzle shortly after.

Furty lets me go, then wipes the tears off his eyes. “I betrayed you, okay? I told them about your plan. They went after you. It was my fault! But it was at that moment where things escalated— I had to run away! But they found me and threatened to kill me if I…”

 His cries start to become too loud, so I shut his muzzle for a second.

 “You… were involved with Cruz?”

“Yes! I thought he was some… crazy, overenthusiastic croc, but he’s actually doing it! His plan… He told me that if I snitched, he’d kill me. I don’t want to go back. I am the last of my kind— and I am done for!”, he cries on my bedsheet.

 “You sneaky— Argh! Guards!”

Furty grabs my cold hands in despair; his dry paw pads uncomfortably itch my skin. He moans in fear. “No! If your guards catch me, they’ll kick me out! Don’t you understand?”

He looks at me with very, very wet eyes. It is a life or death situation for him— it must feel horrible to be the last fox, with his impending doom right behind the door. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s death… No… He put my life at risk, but I would never want to do the same… 

 “I need refuge. Please.”

I sigh, hiding the pain of my voice, “Look… I’ll try to save you, Furtivo. But you will have to promise me two things!”

His ears raise.

“First, you’ll have to tell my dad everything you know, spoke and heard about this; and you will never, under any circumstance, meddle yourself in crime! I will call the guards and you’ll be imprisoned— then, you’ll soon be interrogated by my dad and kept behind bars for your own safety.”

Before the fox could do anything, Longtooth gently opens the door, catching him on sight; to my surprise, I'm able to get out of bed and walk to the bodyguard. He looks at me with a worried expression, but he's understanding of Furty's presence; the lion pets Furty's orange fur and wipes away his tears. Of course, it was only a matter of time for that cunning youngling to be arrested. He better explain everything he knows about Cruz and the wolves... If he wants to be forgiven by those around him...

The leaders from each and every tribe of Chima have reunited to discuss about the reoccurring issues of the Purple Moon. Not only that, but—

"The commander-in-chief of your tribe has attempted to overthrow your ruling", Dad speaks with an assertive tone of voice that echoes within the lion temple, "Explain yourself, Crominus."

I tug on my father's leather skirt, afraid. Cragger... I am so afraid for you...

"Your Majesty, I went to visit the Eagle Spire with my wife and children— we had important matters to solve with the Eagles, right, Crunket?"

She, queen of the crocodiles, remains silent, without budging any of the pale green scales of her lips. Her moist pink dress flows stiff as she pinches it in inquietude.

He continues, "The wolves began to advance into our territory each Purple Moon. Their power is... Uncontrollable. The walls protecting the Crocodile's Swamp Hideout might not be enough. I had to consult Ewald for help— his tribe has the technology, after all."

Ewald picks on dead skin of his talons. "Exactly that, Your Majesty! But we're at a tough place right now. As I've said before, we have almost nothing about the Purple Moon. My daughter found extremely crucial clues, though they're not enough..."

Dad sighs, tapping the index finger on his arm. Those words don't seem to convince him of anything...

"You're drifting away from the point, Crominus. The captain you chose was not a trustworthy one; he kidnapped and tortured my son multiple times! I can't imagine how you weren't able to crack down on this sooner."

The crocodile king tries to speak, but his words are run over by those of my father, who gives Furty his turn to speak. Lagravis' menacing stare pieces through the poor teenager, whose face has become expressionless with dread. He laughs a bit, shaking.

"Ah, Lagravis— I mean, Your Majesty... It is of—"

 Dad roars, "Do not play with me! Be honest and direct or face a father's wrath!"

 Furtivo audibly gulps, "Yikes! Sorry— I first saw Cruz at the swamp... He was gnarling at Crawley— you know the one, who shot a bullet during the Speedor Race— about kicking Crominus out of power. His tirade was so absurd that I had to butt in... I swear to Mount Cavora, I didn't know he had that much power!

His breath runs short with saliva dripping from his muzzle down to his tan raggedy clothes. "He kind of hired me as his personal spy... But it was only at the moment where he began to manipulate the wolves that a red flag rose, especially with whatever happened after the Speedor Race. I couldn't back away as he had threatened my life when I did so."

I hide behind Lagravis' back, holding myself from tears. All of this can't be a ruse, the Chi moved along the Purple Moon, how could that crocodile even control such a raw item of nature?

"Furtivo, are you implying that the wolf attacks against my son have a correlation with Cruz' actions?"

"Yes, sir."

"Argh!", Lagravis screams as he hits the hilts of his throne, "I should have summoned the wolf elders. Was Wakz right all along? Is Wilhurt on the loose?"

"I... am afraid so, almighty king of the lions."

Taglist: @fenth-eiria @harleyacoincidence @awleeofficial @eldritchx @tigeryasou @shadow-of-tea-and-tea @the-lesbian-demon-queen1 @nexusofdomains

[the-devils-in-the-dumbass]

(GROOMING TW)

realized some very very glaring problems from my first "relationship" a decade ago.. and realized i was groomed.

sorry for the dumb vent. i want to say this since i've been thinking about what had happened for a long time. i think at least one person should hear this story. please for the love of god, do not click keep reading if you don't want to know. (by the way dni if you think older minors can't groom younger ones!)

i met her when we were both in middle school; i was just starting and she was about to graduate. but when the.. grooming thing.. started, i was 13 and my groomer was 16, going on 17, so technically legal (like, the fact she liked me, not the fact she's a pedophile), just really immoral, but i was also dumb and naive, pretty much 10 mentally, and yeah.. that bumps the immorality scale from an 8 to a 11.

i didn't actually ever actually like her. we found out we both identified as female and lesbian at the time after she asked what my sexuality was, and i guess she considered that confirmation that i was safe to go after. (i believe the interaction went similarly to this: (out of nowhere): "so, what's your sexuality?" "what?" "like, what genders are you attracted to?" (me, very clueless): "ohh, i'm lesbian!" "oh, yeah, me too! how old are you, again?" "13!" "soo.. i guess that means that we could date." i laughed that off, since i trusted her, and, platonically, loved her, and also had no clue what she was implying; i thought she was joking. she wasn't.)

a few months after, she confessed that she liked me, and i am nebularomantic; it is difficult for me to differentiate platonic love from romantic love because i'm neurodivergent as fuck; so in the 20 seconds it took to respond, i looked into my feelings towards her that i realize now were platonic in entirety. i didn't want to upset her, she was one of my best friends. so i managed to manipulate myself into believing i liked her, and i said i did, too. "soo, does this mean we're dating?" she asked. "..uh i think so," i replied.

after that, we considered each other girlfriends, and, as i mentioned, there was a 3-almost-4-year age gap, and as i also mentioned, i was dumb and naive. she'd always comment about how she.. "loved how innocent i was.." i have no idea how i didn't look into what she said more.

she'd also bring me to hang out with her older sister, who i actually don't know the age of, but i believe was in her early 20s. since i'm introducing a lot of people who go by the same pronouns, i'll, from now on, be referring to my groomer as blue and her sister as bug. random-sounding, yes, but those were the names i called them by when we played online games.

i did not like bug. she was mean and petty (and i'm pretty sure did some very illegal things behind our backs), but, unlike blue, didn't try to hide it. she made it clear that she hated me; she actually broke us up twice, which i am thankful for; the first time, where she was directly responsible, we got back together after a week, and the second time, it was forever, but she only played a small part in that one. i'm not going into the details involving bug because they are not relevant.

the actually relevant parts though. we had been "dating" for a few months, and she had turned 17. i was browsing through the internet when i realized i had an incoming message from a forum thingy we used; it had a PM feature, and none of us had cellphone service (i didn't even have a cellphone), so we used that in place of texting, which i know now was not safe at all, we shouldn't have done that. it was from blue. it read: "i want to break up. i get a bad feeling when we're together. can we please forget this and be friends?" YES, BITCH, YOU SHOULD "GET A BAD FEELING WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER", YOU'RE A FUCKING PEDOPHILE. (censored cause i'm scared of the mods-) iiiii snapped! (well, snapped the most a stupid 13-year-old could) i replied something to the effect of, "yes, we can freaking break up, burn in hell!" (complete with fake swears!) and deleted her from my friends list, blocked her on all platforms i could have and went to school in a mess. (it wasn't this simple but i don't wanna talk about bug and her involvement in this)

that should have been the end of it. we had "broken up", she was in high school so we couldn't bump into each other at school, and i had cut contact. but then, a week later, i got a friend request on the aforementioned forum from bug. i was in a disastrous state. i had started to depend on her before this, in a way that wasn't healthy. i thought i had a girlfriend, after all. ..why wouldn't i be overexcited about it..? so.. i accepted. i knew it was something about the "break-up." there was no way it couldn't have been. then, bug messaged me. "heyy.. *blue* wants you two to get back together. *blah blah blah*. i know what happened, and what she said, and she says the bad feeling is worse now. it wasn't you."

and i knew by now, i forgave people too easily. i had had fights with all of the people i considered friends, and forgave them when it was clearly their fault. i had come to realize that. and i wanted to get back together, too. but i knew that i shouldn't forgive her this time, so i mustered all the strength i had, which wasn't a lot, and typed, "no. i won't get back with her. don't contact me. tell her that."

so yup. toxic, pedophilic relationships!! yay..

[quohotos]

My fan theories about how the Underland works

In today's @returntoregalia episode had some interesting tangents about how the creatures probably couldn't survive in the Underland. There wouldn't be enough air, the air wouldn't circulate, and larger creatures die sooner than smaller creatures because their hearts have to work harder. The correct answer is obviously "It's fantasy", but I still think there are some clues that can give a plausible psuedoscientific explanation of how this can work.

Where does the air come from? The overland, specifically the currents. That massive amount of air being pulled in and out of the Underland is what is recirculating the air and keeping it breathable. This is sort of passing the buck, since the currents are never explained and are one of the few purely magical parts of the worldbuilding, but I believe that is the purpose they serve. There is something in the Underland, could be magical or some strange natrual phenomenon that's not explained yet, that flushes out the dead air pulls in fresh air. Sometimes Overlanders like Gregor get caught up in it and it allows for safe passage between the two lands. Sandwitch specifically sought out the Underland because he saw visions of the surface being uninhabited (headcannon: nuclear war), so it's possible that the underland wouldn't actually save them in the event of that happening because it relies on air from the surface, but you can't really blame him for not understanding that.

Why are the animals so big? Yes, larger animals die sooner, but they also are much more efficient because of the Square-Cube Law. "This principle states that, as a shape grows in size, its volume grows faster than its surface area." Energy lost as heat is a function of surface area, which means that larger animals have to eat less often than smaller animals. Mice can starve to death within days whereas a human can stay alive for weeks without food. In places where food is scarce and temperatures are low, like the open ocean and deep sea, we see lots of animals evolve gigantism. If you go deep in the ocean you'll find lots of animals that look like the ones at the surface just scaled up (and yes there's more than one factor that contributes to that, but the caloric efficiency of gigantism is one of those). In a cave environment where calories are scarce it would make sense for everything to get bigger to conserve energy. As for them dying sooner, who's to say that they don't all die pretty early. The oldest creature we see is a cockroach on the code team, but basically everything else besides humans aren't given an age. Maybe Gnawers only live to be like thirty, maybe Ripred is an old geezer who's about to keel over. Most people die in wars anyways, so longevity isn't really a concern. The fact that Rats can grow up from pups to adults in about a year leads me to believe that they die off early and their whole society has made peace with and is designed around that fact.

When it comes to why the animals are all intelegent... that where there's no explanation beyond fantasy book, and that's fine. You could make an argument that with the added stresses and challenges of finding food in the underland intelegence would be important, but also complex brains are a huge caloric sink so it's more efficient to be dumb and specialized. The truth is that no one should ever have to justify having big talking bat friends in their story. Every story should have those without needing to explain their reasoning.

[olderthannetfic]

/728428034897707008/

This is laughably ignorant, anon, and shows you did not understand the previous anon’s point at all.

No one is disputing that a lot of white minorities in European countries face discrimination. They’re saying that non-white Europeans face *specific* kinds of discrimination that reveal an investment in the concept of “whiteness” and, yes, that means the concept of white privilege exists, as the white groups who are discriminated against don’t experience that *specific kind* of discrimination. Again, reiterating what has been pointed out before, this is proven by the fact that Eastern Europeans, who are discriminated against by other Europeans, *also* discriminate against black and brown people. If you have a concept of white vs black in your society, you have white privilege — the whole idea of whiteness has no purpose in existing without that. It exists to justify that. And in fact, a lot (though not even close to all) of discrimination against people who might be considered “white” in the U.S. occurs in Europe by defining them out of the category of “white” which has never been purely about skin color.

The slavery part though is where you really show how little you understand this stuff. Previous anon was pretty clearly talking about the transatlantic slave trade beginning in the 1500s, and the specific role that it played in creating the concept of race. The scale and practices of it were also uniquely horrifying; I encourage you to read a book about it, which the previous anon was right to tell you to do because if you honestly think it is at ALL relevant to a conversation about that to go “actually slavery is even older than that! ancient civilizations! Europeans didn’t start it!” — if you were not able to pick up via context clues that they were not talking about all slavery ever, but the transatlantic slave trade of African slaves by Europeans to Europe and their colonies — then you remain the most historically ignorant person in the conversation by far, especially on the topic of race, and it’s time to start rectifying that if you want to have intelligent conversations about it. Paul Gilroy’s The Black Atlantic is a good book that explains antiblackness in non-American contexts. Reni Eddio-Lodge’s Why I Stopped Talking to White People About Race discussed the history of European antiblackness in more accessible, non-academic language.

--

[humanity-issues-tournament]

i wanted hunter to win before, but i have no clue what it means to 'catalyst' (?) a character so now i want him to win more just to see what it looks like

(toh spoilers below)

(vote hunter. hes literally made out of an endangered species of wood, scales, an extinct creature's lungs, a magic rock and the bone of the person he is a clone of. that person just so happens to be his 'uncles' brother, caleb, who got murdered about 400 years ago by said 'uncle'. caleb was a witch hunter, while hunter lives in a realm filled with witches. his name presumably comes from 'witch HUNTER'. he is one in a very long line of clones who all got murdered by this 'uncle', who all had the same job position (the golden guard, emperors right hand man) and potentially all had the same name too. he has literally been told that he is the clone that looked the most like the original person. he also had to spend months living in a place where there was a statue of caleb, and only one other person with him knew he was a clone. he wasnt born he crawled out of the ground at an unknown age, no one knows his chronological age but hes physically sixteen when hes first introduced. he never got to be his own person until his 'uncle' was 'dead', and then his 'uncle' possessed him to try killing his friends, which ended in hunter drowning and being revived by his magical pet bird (through sacrifice, the bird died) which was originally the magical pet bird of caleb. he literally spent his entire life knowing he would be replaced if he fucked up too much but not knowing just how literal that was. he found out he was a clone at the same time the rest of his life got upheaved and it turned out everything he had ever believed was a lie, and the things he believed were helping people were actually hurting them. at some point he would have had to realise he was always meant to die, whether it was through being a magicless witch who had a sigil (which were used to drain everyones magic during the day of unity, which would have left them to die) or through being a clone who would have just been replaced if he betrayed his 'uncle'. the clone species are called 'grimwalkers' and the only information on them is potentially story tales, seen in books titled 'grimwalkers', 'grimwalkers extinction', and 'the legend of grimwalkers' all of which are books that hunter read immediately after finding out he was a clone.)

(sorry if thats hard to read lmao i just started because i hadnt seen anyone mention the fact that hunter is literally made out of random bits and pieces held together by magic and didnt stop)

YES HUNTER PROPAGANDA!!! never seen owl house but one of my moots love it and I agree apparently he has been thru a LOT!!!!!!!

[ranger-kellyn]

i said i wasn't going to write an essay, but i ended up writing an essay anyway

so, here, my official review of scarlet and violet. obv major spoilers below. also, unfortunately, it's mostly negative, so be mindful of that. at the end of the day, the only thing i can say i loved about the games were the characters-

and even then, my love of the characters doesn't feel...idk if genuine is the word i'm looking for, but something along that vein. like. the story i was writing in my head during my second playthrough was more enjoyable than the actual playthrough itself. i love the version of the characters who live in my head -- but i really have to ask myself, am I just doing that whole "OC committing identity fraud" thing...?

open world full of fucking nothing. my favorite thing to do in BoTW was get up somewhere high, look around, admire the view, and then just take me wherever my stamina could get me to. in this game, you get up high and there's...not really anything of note to look at. the textures are awful and stretched, and so many of the mountains are at a needle point. i have no motivation to actually go out and search for all 999 gimmighoul coins just to evolve one ugly pokemon into an even more ugly pokemon.

there's a distinct lack of Sense Of Place throughout the game, and in the wildes it's in how sparce the landscapes are. Hardly any trees or unique landmarks. the towns and cities are even worse in this regard. like. apart from the occasional spanish tossed in here and there, and the general shape of the region, and names of the towns, how in the fuck would I have known the region is inspired by spain?? like. how did we go from Galar which is very in-your-face-obnoxious-English to Paldea which is like..........spanish i guess

As a tangent to the above, the distinct lack of like. culture??? there are so many wonderful foods that come out of spain-- and sandwhiches??????? i remember thinking curry was weird for galar, but was satisfied with the answer of "it's a current trendy food". sure, fine, i can deal. sandwhiches????? how the fuck is me throwing three pickles and some olive oil on a footlong supposed to lure out pokemon

anyways,

the game feels wildly directionless. if you look up a list of the "least to most strong" encounters for each three storylines, there is no way in FUCK it makes sense from an exploratory standpoint. it's made worse by the fact that the battles don't scale. one of the best things about BoTW is how, in my experience, no matter what order you do things in, no matter when you decide to finally take on ganon-- it always felt satisfying. finishing up these three storylines didn't feel satisfying in either of my runs, and looking at it from an objective standpoint-- i can't find a way to write this and have it make sense without scaling things. it the battles simply scaled this would be a non issue for me. Not to mention the classes you're also supposed to be taking at the academy during all of this. I completely skipped over them during my first playthrough, but made sure to go and take the classes every other gym or so. yes, they added to the lore here and there, and it was a neat attempt at the whole free time events to bond with characters and whatnot. but it still kinda fell flat for me. (also if i have to read "apro-pros of nothing" one more time i Will gouge my eyes out) (ALSO yes i had to look up what in the fuck chugey meant when the director asked like bitch me the fuck too no clue what it meant)

related to directionless, the game's final arc in the great crater feels...too slow, then on the immediate flip side, too fucking fast. like. for the longest time, i couldn't have told you what the plot of the game was. the treasure hunt feels vague at best. for the longest time, the three storylines just felt like "things you can do" rather than like genuine plot. like. finding out the professor is long dead and essentially the "bad guy" of the region feels...eh? like. i guess it was emotional, but the painfully slow build up only to have the end of the game take like...less than half an hour? Arven's neglect from his parents feels rushed and not really handled with much care. Penny's whole story line with Team Star also feels...unsatisfying? I think her final battle would have been better had all the star leaders ended up revealing themselves when she was down to just Sylveon, about to lose, basically giving way to phase two where their cheering her on gives a huge power boost to Sylveon, like how the crowd cheering can give you boosts in other battles. As much as I love Nemona. like. i ADORE this kid. she feels...inconsistent at times. (which like-- in plenty of ways i'll give her a pass bc like. Teenager lmao. but also. :\) I think I really just don't understand her role as student council president. she doesn't read student council president to me. maybe a club president, but not of the whole student council. always ready to rush into things without thinking them through-- not exactly qualities you would want from SCP.

dont even get me started on the performance issues and distance rendering. like....good fucking god. like. even the fact that the in-game timer is dependent on the frames--- my game for scarlet says i have 37:07 hours in the game. my switch profile says i have over 40 hours. 3 hours of game time lost to lag. on youtube, smallant's violet video showed the same thing. his in game timer was at like 14 and the profile timer was at like 16 and so.....Bad Some of the glitches and bugs were funny for a bit, but i really just...can only laugh for so long before getting overwhelmed with "these wouldn't be here if they had just given the game an extra year or two of work". The fact that the very first mod I saw for the game was a 60FPS mod-- it's sad.

ALSO ALSO. i fucking HATE the lack of a visual or audio cue for shiny pokemon. the models are already too fucking small for me to see, and then the colors aren't stark enough for me to notice-- i will literally never find a shiny pokemon if they don't patch that in. i will not see them. i am missing out on a whole section of the game because gamers hate disabled people so fucking much.

but i guess to end i'll try to talk more about the things i did like.

the genders in this game??????

fucking IMMACULATE. catch me grinning like a dork every time i catch a glimpse of rika-- i want what she has so fucking bad i cant sEE STRAIGHT

my faves of the game are Nemona, Rika, Atticus, and Grusha, but there's really no characters other than Iono who i actively dislike. the only thing i like about Iono has been watching actual streamers get to her and visibly cringe and dsfhljk. good joke But i fucking ADORE Nemona. she's a little one dimensional, sure, and sometimes i felt like her characterization wasn't exactly. consistent?? but i love how all about the player character she is. i love the "lets be rivals for life" cheesiness. i love that she thought you were just picking fights with randos when you first meet Team Star and was like, "you can have all the battles you'll ever want with me!" i ESPECIALLY loved playing it as the girl bc it all just reads like "i have the biggest fucking crush on you and it's also my first huge crush so i have no clue how to even act around you" I love how absolutely kind and wonderful she is. My favorite rival since Cheren and Bianca back in BW. I will not forgive the fandom for at first making her sound like this huge creepy stalker. that's my "cinnamon roll who could probably kill you" your honor. Rika is just...my own personal "life goals or wife goals????????" bc fucking CHRIST i look at her and have my own little gay meltdown every time. i wanna look like her sO BAD i'm literally buying clothes to dress like her Atticus i love bc the fandom seems to find him annoying, but i just adore this little theater nerd. really, i ended up adoring all of Team Star. at the end i was looking at all of them and laughing to myself, saying, "yeah i know why these kids were getting bulled. same reason i was getting bullied. we ALL are running around with undiagnosed autism aren't we". i also just love that atticus has the most gorgeous face hiding under that goofy ass hood. goofy theater boy let me love you Grusha i found really compelling my second playthrough, where i actually talked to more NPCs and realized that like...oh. grusha got fucked up on the slopes, didn't he? that little cetoddle you see him with is probably like...a disability aid pokemon of some kind. his line that's like, "this is a bad day to challenge me, are you sure?" is probably more like. you essentially went to challenge him on the day that is also the anniversary of his big injury. (unfortunately i also one-shot his entire team in both playthroughs so like....for gym 8 he wasn't that strong :( ) but he's def a character i'd love to dig into one of these days.

so, i loved the characters. i even loved the dynamic of the Elite 4. While i hate the idea of a like....4 year old...being on the e4, i like to think it's more like...Poppy's parent is on the e4, but they're in and out of the region a ton and Poppy has just memorized how to order her parent's pokemon and -- idk. it sounds funnier in my head.

and as many gripes i have about the new pokemon, i do think there was a good balance of new to old pokemon. i wish i liked some of the evos more (looking at all the nightmare bugs) but i do think the balance was pretty good. My first team was: Skeledirge, Klawf, Tauros (water), Tinkaton, Kilowattrel, and Baxcalibur My second team was: Quaquaval, Pawmot, Tauros (fire), Tinkaton, Farigiraf, and an EV trained Sunflora bc it made me laugh Clearly Tinkaton is a favorite, but as I've said before, Quaquaval absolutely snuck its way into my heart. I also loved the Tauros variants, which I also thought was a simple but great way to get more out of less.

but so i guess the big question is: do I think Scarlet and Violet are worth $60+????

honestly...i don't think i can say yes. the negatives outweigh the positives for me, but on the same hand, i don't exactly regret spending the $120 for both games. but i am a story writer and it's given me enough plot bunnies to be worthwhile to me. i don't like that most of what i'm already brainstorming feels like nothing but fix it fics... but i digress.

tl;dr: good characters, great genders. performance and graphical errors out the ass. an open world full of nothing and no life. a generous 5/10

[sketchunivercx3s]

1. Tails, Rocky Rickaby, Agustus Porter, Michelangelo Hamato.

2. Matches ( it smells better to me )

3. I don’t usually open my bedroom windows but I always find it open when I wake up, so probably.

4. Mothman and the Loch Ness monster

5. Black or brown. I can’t tell which.

6. To survive.

7. Hair ties. Scrunchies make me feel as if a parasite has latched onto my scalp.

8. Around 15. 18 if you include Gatorade bottles.

9. Frosted coffee. Coffee that’s been blended with ice.

10. Only if they consent and only if they pay me.

11. Mock trial. It’s like drama but calmer. Somewhat.

12. “ a bunch of groundbreaking earth shattering things happened today but this morning I decided to test God and filled a large quick trip cup to the brim with five hour energy drinks so I am physically numb to the stress “

13. A minute ago. ‘‘Twas a grape for my nourishment.

14. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like the earth just took a warm bath and it smells peaceful.

15. Yes. I am the proud mother of ten fish. They are my scale-babies and anyone who mistreats them will be publicly executed. With the exception of my baby niece who gets a pass because she’s cute.

16. Not legally, but what the government doesn’t know won’t hurt them.

17. Neither?

18. Pantene shampoo, apple flavored conditioner, and cucumber flavored body wash.

19. I am notoriously bad at painting nails but sure. It’s your funeral I guess.

20. Carbonated beverage.

21. A little mermaid guitar with Ariel flounder and Sebastian on it.

22. Quiet, chaotic, determined.

23. It’s off putting, but bearable and somewhat calming in its own unnerving way.

24. I’d be shooting at my neighbors squirrels with a bow and arrow. Since you’d be my guest, I suppose you could do whatever you’d like.

25. Butterfly by bath and body work. Tastes smooth, and slightly like raspberries.

26. Smashing glass against the floor as I walk towards a tyrant who’s overpowered yet highly analytical. Walking through fire that separates us as the trench coat I’ve been wearing burns to reveal a brightly colored suit. Then I kill him and go about my business, going home to take care of my fish.

27. I got 7 last night. But with this amount of five hour energy drinks in my system, I have a feeling I won’t go back to sleep for a little while.

28. No, not at home. Sometimes out in public if it’s required, but it’s usually not.

29. Cold. It’s more refreshing that way.

30. No. I don’t eat in my room. Not unless you count that one bird that got to close to the window.

31. Music doesn’t keep me grounded at all. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. When I listen to music it makes me feel free. Deeper in the moment than anyone else, but my mind is up in the clouds at that point. It’s just pure emotion that drives me with no thought at all.

32. Yes, a blue one my father made me buy after I kept stealing his.

33. It’s best to keep that one to myself.

34. Halo by Beyoncé, lost in the Rythm by Jamie berry, take me to church by hozier.

35. No clue.

36. Never, really.

37. A friend I’ve stuck with since elementary. She’s nice, amiable, she gets along with most people, but not in a peppy way.

38. Dove is basic, but nice. The taste leaves a slightly tart mark on the palate, but it smoothens out.

39. Yes. My favorite flavor is pomegranate.

40. Grapes, pop tarts, teeth, donuts.

41. I only drink black or frosted coffee, otherwise I don’t drink coffee at all.

42. Pinterest and animal jam.

43. Not my preferred taste, but I can handle it. The only spicy food I like is sweet chili Doritos and spicy skittles.

44. I’d tell the person I’d want to kill that I had a free pass to kill them, but never actually kill them. I want to see them tear themself apart from paranoia, just knowing that someone had permission to kill them with no consequence. To make them even more paranoid I’d start following them, meet up with them in random places, follow them when they’re alone so no witnesses would be suspicious. Eventually they’d be distant from the ones they loved, with no one to believe them about all of this, I wouldn’t even have to kill them. It might just be a fate worse than death.

45. I saw a snake. That’s pretty much it.

46. Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, and Santa paws. My family loves to watch Santa paws every Christmas. They also like elf.

47. “ he’s following a blonde teacher “

48. Christmas party. Nothing heavy, just a sip from my moms glass.

49. Yes. I can also skip people. The trick is to rotate them.

50. Of course. Random is what I do.

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[yohohonabottle]

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—"Yes." –The bride mumbles under her breath, almost inaudibly after taking a deep steadying breath, before reaffirming in a clearer voice.

"I do." 

The wedding has been organized by Lightbearers in western style and has nothing to do with the groom's culture, poor said lad likely has no idea that his bride is actually not a woman... I don't know whether to laugh or not.

Mentally counting up to hundred, then thousand and back to zero, Pirin fights to keep his breathing steady as he turns just in time so he's face to face with his future 'love'. 

—"You may now exchange your rings and kiss the bride." 

This arranged union is..such a sick joke, to both of us. 

A memory crawls its way to the forefront of his mind, very narrowly causing him to gag. Nausea hits hard like a merciless cold punch to the stomach. Yet the 'dreamy', serene fiancé swallows it down and retains the timid smile. He could hear some of the audience murmur in gossip. 

Things like 'Ah, a shy one. How cute.' or 'So she's the timid type, eh? And what a pretty face 'neath that veil! Such a doll!',  'Wish I could steal 'er meself!', and 'Just how did such a beautiful dove end up with a short-fuse bear like the groom anyway? He's no gentleman–Just your typical Mauler!'

Soren only scoffs, ears twitching once or twice at the not-so-hushed whispers talking shit at his address. Not like they don't have a point, he is like the stereotypical Mauler, yes. Inwardly, the old-looking teen rolls his eyes, not even bothering. 

The crowd can think what they want, not his problem. 

So, standing face to face with his arranged partner, the warrior calmly reaches with a clawed hand to take his bride's, his other unfurling to reveal a simple copper band. 

He has no clue how Lightbearers go about marriage, neither cares to know. He'd simply snagged a random ring from a jewelry stall on the way to town that he found for cheap. In fact, the seller even gave it for free, just wanting to get rid of it already.

For a second, Soren pauses, right as he's about to slip the ring on. This scent–

The fire pops and dances merrily, dimly illuminating their faces in the cold night. A young boy and girl sit on a boulder, eyes fixed on their father with baited breath and wonder. The little pangolin wears a look of unease while her brother hung on every word with nothing but determined excitement as the tale is being recounted in vivid detail. 

—"Many years ago in a long-forgotten time, when we Maulers still lived in the forest along with the Wilders... There was a group of formidable creatures with mighty magic prowess without a name but called many by those they roamed amongst. They were very much like bats but also could wear human skin, however only drank blood and avoided the sun."  Monsters. 

Spreading his arms wide, pops grins wide, teeth gleaming in the campfire's warm flickering glow. The shadows dance over his muzzle, the little blond girl gasped and nearly curled into a ball, hands gripping her scaled tail tighter. 

—"Their teeth were sharp as their sight, their nose keen, enough to track down a certain person by just the smell of their blood and fear. And their ears? So true, that hiding does you no-good." His tone lowers an octave. Little Alsa pales, fiery eyes wide in growing fear, the boy sitting on the ground and leaning back against her boulder-bench, glances up at her for a second then smirks with a snicker.

"Wussy."   

She shoots him a glare and smacks his shoulder with a hissed 'Not funny!' Snorting, he waves it off then turns his attention back to their Pops quickly. 

"They say...that they can hear your heart from far away, your every breath, every step. But you can't hear them as they draw near, only catch their scent on the wind. Such were the Warlord's companions, striking out truer than any sword or arrow could. The very watchers to silently ward his final resting place until they, too, drew their last breath." 

Apex hunters, deadly sentinels and killers. 

Straightening out, the white wolf puts out the fire and rises to his feet. Tonight's legend having come to its end.

Looking over his shoulder with a gentle 'sinister' smile and knowing gleam in his eyes, he adds. 

—"Who knows? Maybe there could be surviving phantoms, prowling the desert sands and riding on the winds-–searching for unlucky adventurers, lost children and thieves to bleed..."  A wind blows, the palm trees' leaves sway and sandy dust gets kicked up as if on cue. 

—"Boo!" 

Alsa's anxious pout turns to one of pure panic, freezing up on her spot. Curling into a tight ball, she rolls to her tent with a frightened squeaky scream. While little Soren laughs heartily, pointing at her as he does. 

-–The groom's eyes widen slightly as recognition and surprise sprawl across his rectangular visage, thick brows creasing together. His lips thin into a line, teeth gritting. Although he hasn't seen the face of his 'bride' in this ridiculous play-pretend, the fact whoever arranged this farce is giving him a monster by itself is enough to chip away more at his frayed patience. Not sure if this is worse or better than a Lightbearer. Weren't those things, Night jinns, dead long ago? 

Pop's words flash in his mind once more--

 Who knows? Maybe there could be surviving phantoms... 

And here stands one. Right in before his very eyes, not as a myth, but a real one in the flesh. 

Why did she agree to this..? ....Wait a second– The warrior's nostrils flare and he barely manages to not curl his hands into fists, and snarl right there and then, and storm off.

This smell, is of female pheromones, yes– But under that, is the unmistakable scent of a male. This, is a male vampire that's standing in front of him. Suppressing a deep guttural growl of anger at the sheer insolence and taking in a deep breath, the Uru clan's secondary chieftain closes his eyes....And stays like this for a long second, perfectly still. 

Someone is getting their skull smashed in and every, single, damn bone broken. 

Haven't decided who it will be first, but someone here is done for. Right when he thought this stupid, ridiculous excuse of a 'union' couldn't get anymore annoying. 

Well no-–It could get even more audacious and stupid, apparently.!

Slowly, carefully exhaling, he opens his eyes again. 

So. I'm being given a man as spouse. A goddamn male bat-monster.

At this point, this circus isn't a marriage. It's a test of how much more idiocy I'll tolerate before getting completely pissed off. 

Focusing on the scent–His ears twitch twice then slowly pin back ever so slightly. A light smile creeps its way onto the corners of his mouth, something more akin to bewildered and annoyed wry amusement than genuine joy. 

Soren wants to laugh and shake his head, yet also snap at how utterly absurd, hilariously insulting, infuriatingly insolent and stupid this 'wedding' is. His grip on the other's smaller, bit more delicate hand tightens and he harshly slips the ring on it at last, earning a slight wince from the 'bride'. 

I'm not sure if I should laugh my ass off. Definitely will crack some skulls, starting with whoever idiot put this together. 

In the meantime, from the left side of the aisle, Satrana and Antandra look on with a sense of worry and discomfort. Contrary to Alsa's still lingering overexcitement over the affair. Soren, her older standoffish and stubborn brother, has finally found love! The young pangolin-chieftain was over the moon, practically bouncing on her feet and trying not to squeal, oblivious to the warning signs. 

—"What do you think? Amazing, right? I still can't believe Soren found someone!" -She murmurs with a bright grin of pride and overflowing warmth, barely keeping her chiming voice down, fiery irises looking over to the jaguar- tanned woman and her red-haired fox daughter. While Koko chatters animatedly with the Uru clan's children closeby in the background and showing them Pato, her fluffy, big hornleaf-bear best friend.

(The organizers couldn't convince the little wildchild that Pato can't come to the wedding no matter what they tried and very begrudgingly gave up.)

They look back at her, but not with shared enthusiasm. 

—"I'm not too sure, Alsa. He doesn't look happy with the wedding." –The round-shield wielding warrior hums contemplatively, trying to broach the matter gently. Satrana, however, blurts it more tactlessly with a huff and sour pout. Ever childishly blunt and in a black & white fairytale mindset. 

—"Soren is your brother, right? Wouldn't he have told you if he was seeing someone before he decides to marry? And the bride isn't even a bride! This simply isn't right." Alsa's round face turns bit puzzled, ears lowering a little for a brief second. Blinking at the prophet, she purses her lips to the side, iconic sunny grin fallen off. 

—"Not really, Soren's pretty quiet and doesn't like to talk much. Unless it's about weapons and fighting or our clan. I actually used to be very closed off until I met him. So I'm not surprised he didn't tell me anything about it." 

The mother and daughter exchange looks.

In contrast to the rough treatment, Pirin slides his ring–A golden band–onto his arranged fiancé's clawed finger with careful grip. And lets his gloved hand numbly join his other in holding the flower bouquet of basil flowers, blazing and monkey orchids. Soren's great irritation isn't lost on him. 

A startled yelp very narrowly slips out, had it not gotten lodged in his throat as the Uru clan's eldest orphan grips his jaw with neigh-crushing force, as if to prevent him from running away or squirming. His eyes close, hands clutching the flowers like a lifeline or a treasure most precious.

Meanwhile from the right side of the aisle, Walker watches from under his hat with hands in his pockets pensively. Next to him, Odie winces at seeing how gruff the young fighter is with his spouse and how the poor thing's narrow shoulders square with tension when Soren lifts the veil, nearly ripping it off. Although...In a way, the ranger guesses he can understand why the boy would be vexed, downright furious even. 

Yikes. The other fella doesn't seem any happier either. 

Leaning over, he lightly nudges the scruffy cowboy to get his attention.

–"Psst, hey, uh, Walker? Something's not right here-–The groom looks like he's held at gunpoint."

Looking down at the ginger hyena, the man lift a bushy eyebrow, the movement quick.

–"Soren? Yeah, bro ain't lookin' cheery but he's not held–"  Somewhere farther on the right, Kojin glances down at the ranger, arms still crossed over his chest as he listens in, brown eyes looking back up at his brother and the 'bride'. 

–"Not Bear-boy, the other one. The–" Walker furrows his brows in nothing but confusion as though slapped with a fishtail, turning his head to face the short Mauler, blue eyes blinking dumbly for a second. And then it clicks in his head. Oh. Right, Maulers and Wilders can't be fooled, what with having keen noses. Well hot damn!

Looking up at the two 'love birds', the cowboy lets out a low, quiet whistle under his bushy moustache and fixes up his his leather hat. Brutus remains grimly silent where he stands, mind lost deep into pondering as he mentally looks over the situation.

He knew this wedding was arranged from the second the sudden news were broken to him three days ago by a Quicksand claw, while he was leaving the tribe Orson's son had newly found after leaving the Grimmaws and Kruger took his brother's post. Kojin simply happened to overhear. 

As for the stout, lighter-brown furred bearfolk warrior– His gloomy scowl has twisted to a frown. This is ridiculous. A total sick joke. Why's he even going along with this charade? Probably to keep his family happy. Shaking his head is disappointed disapproval, the bear turns to unceremoniously leave. 

—"Alright, I've seen enough." And with that, he marches off, set on leaving town to return back home in the Ashen Wastes.

Back at the alter, Soren tilts his bride's chin up and leans in, breath ghosting over the cold pale skin. You can't even look me in the eye, huh? Tch, coward. Soren muses to himself in bitter mirth, smile deceptively cheeky, almost smug though in reality, it's resentful, his 'sweetly' whispered words taunting. Daring. A low sharp bite that can be mistaken for endearingly teasing quip, not missing the little shiver running down Pirin's spine that he tries to suppress or hide to appear brave. 

—"Shy now, are we? " 

Why don't you face me? 

In truth, he's never known how to be romantic or kiss, never saw it as needed. Still doesn't know, neither cares to...Except now, it is in order to seal this 'union' of theirs and get the ceremony done. And while reciting the vows if asked to would be easy–Just parrot the priest's gibberish– this part isn't. It can't be done mechanically because of how new it is to him.

The thought itself just makes his mind balk. 

Of course it's not like he's never seen a couple kiss before or heard the action be described how it's done. But it was all nothing but buzzing useless white noise. In the end, the half-bearfolk 'young man' internally shrugs with 'Eh, whatever.' and presses his lips to his wife's, not even trying.

It's clumsy, short, rough and simple, barely something that can pass as a real kiss but decent enough to get the job done. 

Pulling back and restraining himself from wiping his mouth, the faint smile is gone and his expression is blank and stoic as he lets go. Not the smallest traces of love, affection or joy can be seen in his dark russet-brown irises. 

Cold, callous, analyzing with critical scrutiny and detachment.

From the left side of the aisle, the young orphaned children of the newly infamous Uru tribe cheer in most innocent happiness as though celebrating a triumph in the Sunseek arena. Alsa throws a gauntleted hand in the air and cheers along, hopping on her feet, round face once again lit up by fond joy. On the right, some clap, some yell 'Congrats!', others remained quiet. The husband, however, was in no mood for festivities. He had done his part and the useless farce is now finally over with.

Instead, he studies the shorter young man as those eyes finally open (with mournful apologetic dread and shame.) yet don't dare lift to meet his own piercing unforgiving leer. No, they remain almost pensively downcast. 

Won't you face me?  

When the pale irises finally lift, even if for a brief second–Soren couldn't help but shiver, shudder, at the voice that comes out of the other's mouth. 

Low, quiet, soft, breathless tenor that reeks of hollow frigid chill, like the very desert night and desolation. 

Death.

Like his pearly eyes, void of warmth, of life. 

Dead. 

More cheerful voices sound as new guests arrive, the others having begun to shuffle towards the plentiful feast at one of the town's inns. The jovial congratulatory nothings they bid don't enter his ears, nor the knowing and teasing whispers of 'Leave the lad alone, he's totally smitten.' tug at his attention. 

—"I'll..see you around...? I...I should go greet our guests. See you at the banquet at Leaping cricket." Why don't you look me in the eye and face me? The thin lips upturn into a weak smile that's far more strained than enthusiastic. Barely wrinkles his eyes or shows his teeth. 

Excitable padding of bare feet softly tap against the dry ground, followed by familiar voices and calls. 'Soren!' 

He simply stands there, at the altar, like a looming stump of a dead tree. Eyes locked on the ghostly-white lean figure, following every movement-–Something bubbles in his throat. Won't you stay to meet your new family? Won't you stick around to talk with my clan at least? -–But finds his voice stuck, hands hanging at his sides before crossing over his chest. 

Why are you cowering? 

              Why are you running? 

Why do you keep running from me?

[unfoldingmoments]

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

It’s because you struggle, because she suffer, because your sacrifice that they end up standing out as the most warranty and meaningful moments of your life.

You know , life is always gonna have pain, it’s always gonna have struggle. But if you can train yourself to not give a fuck about the pain, you become unstoppable.

The emotional difficulty of change is always directly proportional to the scale of change, to how core it is to your identity. It’s not fun at all.

Never say no to 🐼

I could create a superhero I’ll create disappointment panda. Instead of making people getting cheese, you’d be making them eat harsh truths about themselves, that nobody want to hear. Making a lot of money might make you feel good, but it won’t make your kids love you. Or he’d say You’re not really sick, you’re just avoiding the pain of having driven your wife away by your constant complaining. If he didn’t listen, well, he’d have ways of making you listen.

The fact is that we need to eat our problem cheese. If you’re not willing to face and admit our problems, then we can’t change, and we can’t grow.

Disappointment panda is a hero that none of us one, but we all actually need. Because we all have truths in our life, that we avoid hearing, that we don’t want to confirm our don’t want to admit to ourselves. Yes, it’s by confronting or admitting them that we can actually open the way to become better.

A lot of people don’t like hearing this. Like, we’d like to hear that our problems can be solved forever, we like to hear that there’s some formula to be happy, live happily ever after.

But I’m sorry, but disappointment panda says, ”No, there’s not. This is simply how life is.” and so, if we are forced to have problems, then we might as well find the problems that we enjoy having in life.

You have to give a fuck about something.

You have to care about some thing in your life.

The question is, what are you choosing to care about?

Because when you choose your problems in your life, when you find problems that you like having, that’s when you suddenly find yourself not giving a fuck.

When you’re not giving a fuck that you’re making the sacrifices for your family.

When you’re not give a fuck that it’s hard to practice for another hour.

When you’re not give a fuck that you have to get up early in the morning and put in more time at work.

When you have found the struggle that and enlivens and enriches you, that’s when you have a tooth non-fuck-giving mastery.

Only in the face of death, all the superficial and bullshity values that we buy into start to fall away. You start to realize that the dumb status games you play no longer mean anything. Or that the achievements and accolades that he struggles for so many years for, nobody cares about when you’re gone.

When we avoid the question of death, that’s when we get a hijacked by silly and superficial and hateful ideas. It’s when we become certain ourselves, even though we have no clue what’s going on.

The gravity of our entitlement pull all of our attention inwards, to become obsessed with our problems, to convince ourselves that our problems are somehow at the center of the universe, that we are at the center of all injustices, that we are the ones who are destined for greatness, that we are the one who deserve something over others.

Without acknowledging the ever present gaze of death, the superficial begins to feel important, and the important starts to feel superficial. Thinking about that removes all that. It forces you to see that 99% of the shit going on in your day-to-day life doesn’t fucking matter. Death is the only certainty in life. Therefore death must be the compass by which we orient our values and decisions.

How are you using your time?

How are you using your limited fucks?

Who are you going to be with?

This constant remembering of my own mortality, for me, it’s the most effective tool for unraveling everything. My sense of entitlement, my closed-up identity, my irrational certainties. By remembering that it’s all bunch of dust that soon will be gone. It’s easier to let go.

It’s this ability to choose ourselves in an endless ambiguity that makes us great. you don’t have to go to some thing to feel these things. You don’t have to go be something to realize this things. You simply are them.

The more I think about my own death, the brighter life gets. The quieter the world becomes. The easier decisions become. You, too, are going to die one day, that’s because you are fortunate enough to have lived.

And you might not feel this right now. you may not feel any of this. But those down on a cliff sometime and maybe you will.

— Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Netflix

[galaxyofhair]

BOTW/TOTK 3?

So since this is around the time was stragglers in the TOTK craze are starting to beat the game and spoiler tags are becoming less common--the question that continues to haunt me is “What’s next?”

Obviously some Spoilers for TOTK but I think my previous post sorta busted that door in.

On the one hand: 

DLC. I feel like there’s plenty of DLC opportunities for TOTK and I really hope it isn’t just another challenge mode with a motorcycle at the end.

But the big question I am thinking of is: Will BOTW/TOTK get a third game?

Points to Yes: 

Because like, that’s the obvious next step right? Most of the time a highly successful sequel like TOTK immediately begets an often disappointing third--and there’s plenty of clues in TOTK that point to what a third game might cover: The mysterious underground race that Josha discovers who are never named, the fact that Zelda’s time powers are forcing everyone to re-evaluate whether or not depictions of other Zelda’s are actually just her, the revelation that the ancient hero of the Calamity wasn’t Hylian--much like the barebones Zonai ruins of BOTW, it feels like TOTK is priming us for another lost civilization to explore and I would love it if the next game actually involved travelling back 10k+ years to different eras.

There’s a ton of creative directions you could take a third game, and since it seems like the developers are building a new canon for themselves based on the building blocks of older games my hunch is that a third game would have to include some sort of LttP style mechanic where Link travels into an alternative Hyrule throughout the story.

It would give the developers yet another chance to re-use the map of Hyrule--which I support for the most part--and it would be a really creative way to solve puzzles despite the time shenanigans.

Points to No: 

Could this end up as a Duology? Yeah, absolutely. For one thing--how do they top this?! Are they going to have vehicle building and mech riding in one game and then just... not in the next game? A BIG factor that points away from a threequel is the massive corner the developers have both written and designed themselves into. This game is ridiculously big, and ridiculously complex. Obviously it’s not impossible--Link can always get another maguffin that gives him a similar or even the same set of powers, and they can always (maybe) put the zonai devices back into the game (maybe supplementing them with Shiekah devices?) But at the end of the day the shear scale and complexity combined with the self contained nature of the game means that a threequel isn’t a necessity, and it would be expensive to make.

It goes without saying that even if a threequel got made, it’ll be a minute before we even hear about it’s development. Realistically another top-down game will come out between now and then (LttP remake would be cool and popular I think).

But even in the event that Nintendo decide they want another full 3D game with adult link, they might also decide that the monumental task of replicating and building upon the immense complexity of TOTK just isn’t worth it and the that the wiser investment will be to update the engine, and reboot all over again with a new hyrule, a new Link/Zelda, and a new story that isn’t restricted by two games worth of canon. It sounds incredulous--but it happened to OoT and MM. OoT and MM were wildly successful, but when it came to upgrading to the Gamecube’s tech the developers hit the bit reset button.

Conclusion:

Obviously this is all speculation upon speculation, so only time and updates from Nintendo will tell. If Nintendo decide to not make a threequel and they instead reboot it would have incredible ramifications on how we think of Zelda canon (I think the Timeline is/would be caput)--and if they DO do a threequel it would be a monumental conclusion to the new series they’ve built for themselves. In the meantime, I am going to build more Korok rockets, ciao!

[direwolfblackrose]

this is your friendly reminder to NOT stick any type of crystals in any body orifice. (In fact while we are at it, a good general rule is to either use proper sex toys or nothing)

(also these are all idiots who have no clue about stones in general. If they were worth their two cents they would point out what type of jade they are talking about . Yes, there are two different major types. Yes, they are quite different. No clue how this difference impacts witchcraft and/or rock fucking but it does impact everything else as the toughness and density changes)

SO, op has activated an unskippable explanation as I'm a tad bit obsessed with science in general and pretty rocks specifically

longer explanation of pH and why it's a bad idea under the cut

"I do not understand ph and therefore I do not know if it's safe to shove that rose quartz up your yoni".

Here is a handy dandy simplified scale :

* by acid in the question I mean the layman term. more on this later

SO the scale is bell shaped, starting from 0 (very bad will melt your everything), peaking at 7 (literally water), and continuing to 14 (very bad will melt your everything). We tend to call 'acids' anything that's not close to 7 but scientifically speaking the name changes: the numbers before 7 are called acids, the ones after are called basics. (For this particular thought exercise of "can I shove rose quartz up my yoni" we do not care)

Simple examples are:

Lemon juice is an acid, it as a pH of 2,5

distilled water is neutral and has a pH of 7

Bleach is a basic and has a pH of 12,5

Now, WHY do we care? Because the human body is not neutral. Skin is slightly acidic with a pH of 5,5 , blood is slightly basic with a pH of 7,5 , and your average healthy vagina is around a pH of 4. (kinda. It changes depending on age, mensuration cycle, medications, and diet)

This means that it'll dissolve a few things (many vagina-owning people have complained about underwear getting bleached)

Now onto the crystals: most are formed because they got dissolved in a liquid (usually a variation of water). It also means that a slightly acidic liquid (such as vaginal excretions) can and will dissolve the quartz again.

"oh but I heard that rose quartz works because you'll need a different composition to fuck up your vagina" Look. I had an obsession with quartz and semi-precious stones since I was six. I'd like to keep my good memories linked to the pretty stones and therefore I will not go and check if vaginas can dissolve quartz specifically. What I already know is that the pretty colours are given by other materials in the crystal. MAYBE the pure basic quartz (SiO2) could withstand a fucking or two, but rose quartz? Nah.

That pretty rose colour is given by iron, manganese, and titanium and they will absolutely dissolve in a vagina.

Best case scenario you get a yeast infection.

Same soup different day for Jade. ("Jade" can actually be two different types of rocks. If these '''''witchy'''' people actually cared about the rock they would absolutely point out which one it is because they a have different properties and compositions). yeah MAYBE not all the jade will dissolve at your first fucking, but the minerals in it will.

And now you get to explain to your doctor why you have a weirdly infected yoni.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk, do not fuck rocks.

So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This

And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.

So I did some looking around on Etsy.

Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.

Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal

I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?

[beepbeepdespair]

stargrave update: holy shit this one got surprisingly emotional. but first i have to cover last week's because i was ill so i missed it :( essentially im told that marmalade (still refuse to call him mortimer) in fact has a son, he had somehow become a massive demon but we beat the demon out of him, also we beat the red root out of each other so we can stop infighting now lmao

and now we move onto what happened today. so. death tried to take marmalade's son to the afterlife, his son refused and said he wanted to stay and fight with his dad, death said he couldn't but he could take his father's place and fight so his dad could rest, he was prepared to accept it but marmalade said absolutely not so his son went off with death 🥺 and then the fish we've had with us for a while now and gotten poison from turned into a woman?? death said "thank you you've been a good spy" and she suddenly became a woman dressed in red. apparently we've met her before but no one remembers her lmao

and then we saw the guy from the vision we all saw and luda, the nemesis of our character mon (idk if that's how it's spelt) go into a portal but when we tried to go through we all ended up in different places. ripper (the name of roman's character) was in a cave and watched a vision of... his own death. yeah, fun. basically he saw a figure coming up and killing him, then baby cleaver (yes, THAT cleaver we worked for at the very beginning) ran up and started crying over the death of his brother, then death came and took ripper away and the vision ended. the fact that the figure walked through ripper because it was a dream was weird as shit but yeah it was so sad ifnfjfjf- also the killing happened 1000 years ago apparently so. interesting

anyway it turns out we're in a place with an ordinance tree, which links various places in the universe and produces the red root i think?? its based on norse mythology i heard. anyway so that happened, then mon and luda had a very dramatic showdown. luda was sitting on a ledge above a fight pit and tried to give mon the first move because he's a cocky bastard, but after years of luda winning and him even taking powers from the gods to beat mon, mon finally beat him and luda got him to kill him. his final words were "thank you friend, that was glorious." painful, huh?

and then it turns out my butler is a thunderdrake?? not entirely sure what that entails but apparently they've been almost hunted to extinction by the gods because of their scales and powers. anyway he can actually amplify my power by like a LOT. so much that the dm accidentally invented the word 'dramastically', which totally wasnt a fuck up what are you talking about. yeah so thats cool, also his name is actually... well its pronounced like surgeon, how its spelt i have NO clue. anyway he has the power to turn people into gods and i asked him to make me a goddess and he said no lmao

and then our captain met a redroot version of himself and has to fight that. disgustingly they turn into meat when killed, which our captain then cooks and eats. yummy. and then there wasn't much time for fighting some small enemies so not everyone got a turn, i joked that ripper didn't join in because he was in the corner eating a tub of ice cream and sobbing jdndjj. so yeah quite a lot lmao

[garetthawke]

i feel like. the people who get mad when ppl say "i pity the poor ppl who get taken advantage of by military recruiters" and just go on tirades about them being class traitors...have little to no concept of the power of propaganda. like i myself didn't have a single fucking clue of how bad the US military was until WELL after recruitment age. i was in my 20s when i started learning FOR THE FIRST TIME that the us was perpetrating war crimes and racist, imperialist violence.

my whole life I'd been fed so much propaganda, i was a whole ass adult before I'd even heard any perspective other than "military service is a great honorable thing to do to protect us from terrorism." post 9/11 ramped up military propaganda on a scale that is truly frightening, and circumstances and civilian fear allowed it to work.

i cannot even begin to imagine how many teenagers, struggling to afford college with no idea what they're even going to be able to do with their future, being preyed upon by recruiters who will tell them they can pay for their school, their future, if they sign up to do this thing they've been brainwashed since birth to believe is good and noble.

like class traitors?? babes the predatory nature of recruiters isn't just from the fact that they start recruiting children who are too young to decide that sort of thing, it's from recruiting children who haven't had a fucking chance to deconstruct all the propaganda they've been fed (especially if their parents are pro military) on top of having free school hung over their head like a carrot. they don't KNOW what they're signing up for.

the utter lack of empathy for how literal fucking children get manipulated by the whole system, starting with the complete and total effictiveness of our propaganda, means i don't think a lot of you even understand how any of this fucking works. you've got some cartoonish evil villain caricature in your head of people going "hmm yes i will sign my humanity away and become an evil killing machine for us imperialism in exhange for money," and think we're asking you to sympathize because they're poor. you're fucking idiots. the people we are asking you to sympathize with are brainwashed children who have NO idea what they're signing up for and are only thinking about a future they were promised they otherwise couldn't have, and are trading what they think is honorable service for it.

if we can't address that, how are we ever going to start undoing it? how are we going to protect future generations of children from believing the same things? recruiters prey on the people who were raised to think that way, and it does extend even beyond the people who are poor and disadvantaged. propaganda is the root problem of militaty recruitment, and i refuse to be the kind of person who won't have sympathy for children who never were given the chance to unlearn actual brainwashing.

maybe it's just my background, growing up in a cult where i was subjected to an extensive amount of brainwashing since birth, but i know how ugly it is. i know how it can shape your whole fucking worldview, and how annoying it fucking is for people on the outside of that to say "oh but its so easy to see that x stuff is wrong, and if you didn't know that, you're just a bad person."

if you don't have a concept of what it's like to be brainwashed, you're priviliged. that's all I've got to say about that. pity for people who have been brainwashed is not military sympathy, or justification for soldiers. it's grief for the system of us imperialistic violence functioning as intended and manipulating children to do it. its bone deep sadness and anger that they're able to do that. its frustration that for all your anti military posturing, a lot of you don't actually give a fuck about reducing numbers of military recruitment by working to counter propaganda for future gens, because you would rather sit on your high horse and just feel superior for condmening anyone who actually gets recruited, regardless of why or how, or what any of us could have done to change things.

[i-am-snark]

Did somebody ask for Unsolicited Advice from a huge Half Life Fan?!

A. Yes! (Tap Read More)

B. No? (Ignore And Leave)

(You chose Yes!) You sly dog, you’re gonna get me monologuing!

I find it’s easier to play Half-Life like you’re actually a human with limitations. It’s a single player strategy shooter, you can’t play it like Doom unless you have a super solid strategy. Take a few moments to crouch out of range of some monsters and watch their behavior, and make mental notes about what certain things do. Half Life 1 is great at rewarding knowledge and memory. You have to play like you’re a scientist who understands how things work and can reason when under pressure. The tag line is “Run, Think, Shoot, Live.” Save scumming is definitely a viable option, but it’s much more fun to not have to do that. Watch how NPC’s interact and reason and rationalize things in your head. Always take notice of your environment and remember that you are smarter than everything else.

Don’t let the stress get to you, but be careful. Think, if you were in this dire situation, and you knew for a fact you could live through it and be a hero, how would you do it? Run, Think, Shoot, Live. You’re not a powerhouse, you’re just a scientist with escape tools, and that’s what your weapons are, tools for escape. Sometimes you’re forced to fight, but unless you need something, or have to get past an enemy, it’s not worth it to engage. Sneaking by and letting some enemies kill each other is always a good option. But if you want to stay topped off on armor health and ammo, stay curious, and if you want to live through your curiosity, stay vigilant. Notice when some textures or models look different, like in old Scooby Doo cartoons where you can spot a trap door because it’s not drawn in detail because it’s meant to be animated.

Don’t forget to look up sometimes! There was this one part I got really stuck on until I realized pushing some boxes to make a staircase allows me to get to a tiny area up above a wall I could hop over (I have uniquely poor situational awareness in video games. I know my way around a forest irl, but I get lost embarrassingly easily when playing Minecraft. Way points, maps, cheats, or a new home for me). Half Life is a world with creatures like cockroaches that run away from light and huddle around meat. It has exposed wiring that will kill you, but flipping a switch diverts the power, and makes them harmless. You’ll be put into a lot of Western Showdown situations with Crabs and Soldiers alike. Gabe Newell was disappointed they couldn’t add real time moss growth and alien breeding into the game, so imagine what they actually did add. On the surface it’s a simple game, but if you’re autistic about it, you realize there is a whole lot going on behind the scenes of every entity.

Half Life 1 is famous for having very complex AI, (complex, not, not realistic or convincing. The enemies AI sure does convince you that they want to kill you, but some of the Black Mesa employees AI definitely doesn’t convince you they want to help you. Half Life was basically made by an indie studio as Valves first title) for its time especially, and even now, if not a little scuffed compared to, well compared to some AAA games it’s actually very well polished. The complexity of the AI scales with the creature, Humans of course having the most complex AI, (becoming simple minded and very confused dogs when you want them to actually help you) and guns, which some of them will aim at you because the US government is not to be trusted. But when engaging with humans, remember to listen in on them, because they talk. And also listen in on alien sounds and noises, because they can clue you in on what you’re about to get into even before they notice you.

Every room in a room is either a battlefield or a puzzle, and every battle is a puzzle. Play the game like an escape room except with guns, bombs, and the threat of becoming either a cover up victim, or an interdimensional war casualty.

It’s also not a perfect game, and it’s old, so some deaths will feel somewhat unfair. Remember to save often, especially when you get a “Gut feeling” that things are going to be bad. Like when you see a sign that says “☠️Mines☠️” in front of an “empty” field. (Imagine what you would do if you were in that situation. Throw shit and shoot around at the ground until a mine explodes. When it does, you don’t have to worry about it anymore. There’s a balance you have to make when thinking in either game or real world logic. Real world logic says “The Mines will not respawn, and can be destroyed easily.” Game logic says “The humans will run straight into your laser trip mines even if they can see the very obvious green laser.” It’s an old game, but it was made very carefully, by ambitious, intelligent, and inexperienced, but skilled developers).

P.S. Turn OFF Auto-Aim. It helps when you’re really new to the idea of pointing and shooting a gun in a video game, but it’ll gimp you and screw you over in the long run if you’re trying to get better at aiming.

Oh also, don’t try to dodge bullets. They’re hit scan, but even the projectiles in the game are practically undodgable. When you’re getting aimed at, either find cover, accidentally pull off some badass action movie shit and not get scratched in a feat of pure adrenaline you’ll never be able to replicate intentionally unless you journey to the top of Mount Gaben and spend years honing your skills, or kill before they get the chance to fire on you. Enemies will aim first, and then fire. Their accuracy varies, but don’t count on luck. It’s like what you’d do if you were being shot at in real life.

And when you’re done with Half Life and enjoy it enough to not dislike it, you should play Black Mesa! (You’re not playing Half Life: Source, right? (It’s the worst way to play the game. Just play the original that port is so bad)) Black Mesa is a fan reimagining of the first Half Life game with modern graphics and various touch ups and even some more sweeping differences fans are likely to notice. It’s actually a properly remastered version of Half Life for the Source Engine! It’s honestly a great game on its own, but to fully appreciate it, I suggest playing Half Life (One, Gold Source) first. It also makes the transition from Half Life 1 (N64 lookin ass) to Half Life 2 (XBox 360 lookin ass) easier, as models share more similarities and the tones of the games are a little closer.

I still think Half Life 1 first is a necessary rusty but fun gauntlet to run through if you want to understand and appreciate the Half Life series, history, and fanbase as much as you can by simply playing the games. You only really need to beat it once to get a good enough picture before moving on, but if you end up really enjoying it, there’s definitely replay value to be had, but you’ll probably enjoy replaying it more as Black Mesa than Half Life. Hey, play Black Mesa first if you want, and Classic Half Life later. I just think it’s best to jump from GoldSource Half-Life, to Source Engine Black Mesa, and then to Source Engine Half Life 2.

And when your done simply Playing Half Life, depending on your autism level towards the game, (mine is: If you look at certain days on my Google and Youtube history, it is nothing but Half Life, and occasionally Portal, or nothing but Portal and occasionally Half Life. I have Google Docs dedicated to Half Life) there are some really interesting lore, mechanics, and retrospective videos made on just Half Life 1 alone. Freeman’s Mind is a very fun machinima series, and even nostalgic for a lot of us. Also Half Life VR but the AI is self aware! Honestly an amazingly charming virtual play.

(And while you’re playing Half Life, find the hitbox on corpses and hold attack on them with your crowbar until its animation stops playing and you rapid fire attack the corpse until it explodes into giblets. It’s very fun. Don’t let any friendlies catch you doing it to an ally corpse though!)

All right I think I’m done. I wanted make this a little entertaining as well as informative, very sorry if you’re any amounts angry or confused, I really didn’t mean to upset you if I did.

anyways ends up half life is pretty hard and pretty frustrating which made me get tired of playing pretty quickly but im gonna beat this thing sometime believe me just wait like 6 months