#yes i got rid of the green. i KNOW right how could i

[olderthannetfic]

Knitting question!

Intellectually I know failure is fine. I'm a beginner! I'm learning! Mistakes are part of the process! But I find it really hard not to be demotivated by projects not turning out how I want

I spent all this time and materials on this and it's just kinda shit?

Did you experience that/have any advice?

--

I definitely experienced that when I first tried knitting. I don't remember, but I suspect it's why I drifted away from the craft for nearly two decades.

I have a couple of semi-failures from my current re-entry into knitting. I intend to frog or partially frog them and re-knit, but there are other projects I care more about that are taking priority so far.

Right now, I love watching youtube videos with little tricks to improve one's knitting or deep dives into technical matters. I find information on fiber fascinating. I think that has helped me avoid many of the problems I experienced the first time around. Even if I run into an issue now, I can probably redo the project to make it how I want.

I think the first thing to figure out is how it's kind of shit. Yes, yes, you're a n00b, but there are lots of reasons projects turn out shitty. Some issues require a lot of practice. Many issues require reading a blog post explaining some technical thing and instantly upgrading your knowledge.

--

For example:

When I first got back into knitting, I got some pretty green yarn and made a Medieval-looking hood. I had no clue how alpaca behaved or that it would be waaaay too flowy for the look the pattern was supposed to have. I was also knitting the pattern with the wrong size of yarn, needle, etc. It turned out way too big for me and a formless blob. It was also itchy.

A year or two later, I threw it in the dryer, and now it's an epic rainy day hood. It's mostly not itchy because the felting stuck down all those hairy ends. It has a lot more body now because it's felt instead of flowy hand-knit alpaca. (And, hey, it's even more Medieval since those hoods were often felt but not often knitted as far as I could tell.)

What went wrong here was mostly that I knew fuckall about fiber. I knew I was making it in some randomass size and didn't really care that it was too big, but I didn't know it would slither off of me due to alpaca's drape. I didn't need practice: I needed someone to tell me how alpaca behaves.

--

Example 2:

I knit that Owls sweater and didn't like how it had no shaping... so I winged it. I ended up with really bizarre shaping because 1. I had no idea what I was doing and 2. I didn't close the underarm holes until the very end, so the sweater appeared to fit when I tried it on.

I could open the underarms back up and knit a separate piece for them, but I realized that I dislike the fabric overall. I knit it on a too-big needle (in my opinion). I thought I liked that looseness in my swatch, but I have changed my mind. I was also worried about running out of yarn (since it's a used yarn that I won't find again), but I had tons left over. I also think I want it more cropped. The yarn has a sort of nasty texture but beautiful color, and I knit quite a tight (and thus scratchy) sweater. I don't think I wet blocked it though, so that might fix the texture.

What I should actually do here, assuming I don't just get rid of the thing in favor of better yarn, is frog it and reknit from the top down, reversing the pattern and not having a phase with the underarms open like that. I should also knit it at a tighter gauge but with a little more positive ease, and I should trust that the stretchiness of wool will make it conform to my body just fine without a lot of shaping. Before any of that, I should wet block it and see how the texture changes.

I don't really consider this a permanent failure. I like the Owls themselves. I can easily just knit this again and get a sweater I want to wear... possibly a cardigan, now that I think about it. The yarn is a relatively robust wool that will be fine being frogged and reused, and knitting it gave me more experience with finishing a whole sweater. My various fuckups taught me things about both knitting and my personal taste.

I guess it could be demotivating because it took a while, but on that bigass needle, it really didn't take that long. I would probably always have knit multiple sweaters from this pattern. I see more than one in my future anyway.

Experience was an issue here, but it wasn't experience with the literal act of knitting. My tension was fine. It was more that I fucked around and found out.

--

Example 3:

I made a self-drafted BTS sweater out of another batch of used yarn that I'll never get more of. I love the body. the sleeves are too tight in the upper arm, and my bizarre-ass design for the top of the body means that the sweater wants to be a boat neck but also fit differently in the sleeves and... gaaaaah. The tight sleeves don't feel bad, but what they do do is make the whole sleeve slide down my arm weirdly because of the fit issues around the boat neck.

Part of why the upper arm area is so tight is that I was worried I'd run out of yarn (which I did) and I wanted a balloon sleeve rather than a straight one. The yarn is so stiff that the balloon part is weird, and the two other purple yarns I added for the lower sleeve look weird. I should have reversed their order because one matches too well, and now it just looks like I ran out and had to add a last inch in a random other yarn. I have most of those two skeins left hanging around and a sweater that fits strangely.

Also... it needs hand washing but is shaped and sized to be worn against bare skin, so it gets stinky after a few hours of wear because I am a sweaty, sweaty person.

In this case, I wouldn't redo the body: this silk blend will look less nice after frogging, and I already roughed it up a lot knitting the damn thing the first time. I knit it starting at the top, so the weird fit across the shoulders is mostly here to stay.

However, I'm pretty sure the bad fit on the sleeves can be fixed by ripping back and adding a bunch of width up top. I can also start with the flowier other two yarns and maybe have bands of this stiffer one that I used in the body. I suspect the weird body fit is fixable by changing what the sleeves are supposed to be doing.

This is another case of fucking around and finding out, so I'm not too disappointed in it. I did wear it to Yoongi's concert too, and it was gorgeous, if too hot.

I do realize now that I hate boat necks, but I think I can put up with this one if the sleeves aren't constantly sliding out of place.

And if fixing the sleeves doesn't rescue this, I might attempt some surgery one of these days, but that's more of a pain in the ass, so that will definitely have to wait.

--

Now, my guess is that your "kind of shit" is not "I freehanded a sweater two seconds after getting back into knitting because I'm a crazy person, and I messed up the shaping".

The more common problems are things like:

Not realizing that you should block or not blocking aggressively enough, so your stitches look way more uneven than they need to, the shape is weird compared to the example pics in the pattern, etc.

Using assy bind-offs so the edge looks amateur instead of polished. (You can go back and fix this.)

Failing to swatch, and now you've knit the wrong size.

Picking a fiber that just cannot do what you want it to—usually seen in people trying to avoid wool and not getting that 99.999999% of trendy patterns are written specifically for wool. I have an ancient sweater from college that looks nothing like the example in the book because all I could afford was big box store acrylic. Never again the plastic horror!

Buying patterns from a size 0 lifestyle blogger aspirational knitwear designer with no boobs and a great photographer, then feeling dumpy when trying the thing on under crappy lighting. This one usually requires a little more self confidence and some bust darts.

Making things in plain stockinette in a light color and smooth yarn like cotton that shows EVERY SINGLE TIME your tension wasn't machinelike. This is unfixable. Don't do this.

--

If you're using mohair or alpaca, frogging may be more trouble than it's worth, but you often can reuse the materials. Granted, you've still sunk that time in, but the materials don't always have to be wasted. That might help it feel more like time you spent practicing and less like a complete disaster.

I'm a very product-focused knitter, so I don't really have practice pieces. I'm knitting to have a Thing and I want to wear that Thing, so I get the disappointment if you don't end up wanting to actually use what you've made.

But that also helps me not get totally demotivated. I still want that Thing and now I have a clearer idea how to make it.

So... what are these "kinda shit" projects anyway? What about them do you not like?

[oimitocat]

IN A MOMENT U & I | OS

lee minho x m!reader

super hero au! + mind control + death themes + blood + crying + hurt/comfort + angst + fluff [ s/n = superhero name]

a/n; this sure did take me a while…. lots of minho love here lol (black widow minho won’t leave my head)

“where are we going? it’s hot, i’m sweaty and my feet hurt,” he whines.

his smile is wide- wait, who’s smiling at him?

“you can’t resist this, lee know. everything went my way when you just had to be stubborn and prove yourself!” someone cackles, “my mission will be completed once you get rid of s/n.”

minho growls, trying to get out of the restraints. that’s right… he had separated from the group and went ahead and-

there’s a snap. he doesn’t know if it came from inside his head or outside. suddenly, all he hears is static.

“what’s so cool about this place? it’s too quiet…”

“don’t you like peace and quiet?” he snickers. “look around, take in the place.”

with a small pout, he looks around. it’s eerily quiet, yes he does like peace and quiet but something’s off about this. it’s an unsettling peace. the waves roar as they crash into the sand. he looks away when an unsettling feeling sinks to the bottom of his stomach. he turns around to face-

“minho?” there’s disdain in your voice.

good.

“minho! WAIT!”

there’s a loud resounding crack when he slams down his batons into your arm. you don’t want to hurt him, this isn’t lee know. this isn’t your minho. you won’t hurt him. you could never bring yourself to do so.

“kind of hard to fight someone you’re so in love with, right?” a voice booms over the platform.

you and the rest of the group had located minho and the enemy to be here in a shipyard. it’s not abandoned, chan and felix had to evacuate the workers and any bystanders. jeongin and jisung were busy fending off the stupid robots fighting them off to come for minho. you had managed to sneak past, giving the green by chan.

you didn’t think minho would be-

“min! you’re being mind controlled!”

“he won’t hear you! all he hears are my orders!”

you growl, sliding away from minho before he slams his batons down on your head. he had activated the weapon’s electricity discharge and if you got hit by them you’d be out for a bit. you hop off the floor, groaning when you use your arms to push yourself off the cold, wet floor.

“hey, ji! could you try to figure out where the guy controlling minho is?” you ask into your in ear as you run down the hollow shipping containers.

“huh? he’s being mind controlled?”

minho connects his batons to make a long staff, extending it for facility. you groan, knowing you’re about to get your ass kicked.

“me and jeongin just defeated these shitty robots!” jisung announces, “we’ll try to find the guy, i’ll move to seungmin okay? don’t get your ass beat!”

“kinda hard when you know minho is my weakness-“ you jump minho slides to kick your feet.

you pant, landing a bit farther from him as he spins and gets on his feet swiftly. any other time you’d be enamored at how easily his limbs move during a fight. you’d be captivated by his acrobatic attacks, except you’re the prey this time. his feline like eyes are aimed at you with the intent to kill.

he charges right at you and you refuse to strike back every time he aims a blow at you. minho’s attacks are fast. he has fast combinations and you have no choice but to take out your sheaths to keep up with blocking and redirecting.

your own weapons are shattered when he slams down his staff. he has brute strength, sends you to the ground. with minho you have to be quick- so you grab his staff and slam it down the side, taking him unguarded for a second enough to leave from under him. however, your back is faced towards him and he takes little to no time to slam the hilt of his staff into your lower back. you groan out in agony and fall forward.

“s/n~,” the loud voice booms again, “how does it feel to have your lover kill you?”

you grunt when minho crawls on top of your face. at the sound of disassembly, you realize he had transformed his long staff back to his two batons. you can’t apply any force on your left arm- it’s probably broken. you think fast, pulling out your own baton from it’s strap on your thigh. slamming it’s edge to the floor, you pressed a button and the baton extends to something twice its side. it send you flying to the side, minho falling off of you. with ease, he slide to his feet. you stagger, eyeing him.

“i think your main mistake was flaunting your little relationship in a fight between that last villain you took out a few weeks ago.” the voice is crazy loud, where the hell is jisung? “rumors spread you know.”

you fall to the ground when minho jumps off the floor, using his staff again as grounding to side kick your head. good thing you saw it coming, using your left arm again to block the attack. as his feet touch the floor, his arm is already swinging his staff into your rib.

“ah, people in love make me sick… but seeing you two dance around like that makes me wish i had someone.”

“piece of shit,” you grunt as you hug your side and dash off again.

minho is a fast runner, not faster than chan but for sure faster than you. him jumping off the boxes and tired laying out in the ground wasn’t helping your case. he throws a baton at you from a short distance, it electrocutes you at the touch. with a cry of agony, you fall to the floor.

his soft but heavy footsteps draw close to you.

“i don’t really like walking down the beach, the sand feels weird,” he says as he turns to the other person, hoping they get the gist and take him somewhere else. yet, as he looks at them, he notices that not only can he not see their face, but they’re kneeling before him.

“minho…”

“minho,” you gasp between his blows.

he has one hand holding you down by the neck. his strength there isn’t enough to cut off circulation or even try, but it’s strong enough to keep you pinned in your weakened state. his other hand is holding the baton and bashing it to the side of your face. one of your hands is gripping his hand on your neck and the other trying to hold off his other hand.

“s/n you’re one of the most strongest heroes out there and yet you’re dying in lee know’s hands? how embarrassing for you. one single punch could have him disadvantaged easily.” the voice booms again.

your ears are ringing. with minho’s body sitting on top of you, your breathing is harder. your rib hurts, his pressure isn’t helping. your bleeding from your mouth and your nose.

“will you really die at his hands?” he scoffs, “you could have at least made this more entertaining-“

the voice cuts off.

“WE FOUND HIM! S/N, JUST HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER!”

“about time!” you groan, yet your arm weakens and he slides out his hand to hit you once more.

“it’s about time we move forward in our relationship, don’t you think?” they say with a smile.

you use all your energy to lift up your legs and flatted your feet on the ground. your going to pass pass out if you don’t do something. you can’t die, minho’s grief will eat him alive. you have to hold off as much as you can until jisung and jeongin defeat the villain. you thrust upward, quickly pivoting off the ground once he’s off you for a split second. he falls forwards, hands pushing him up and helping him land on his feet after a cartwheel.

you stare at him through one eye. the other shut closed from the blood that dripped from your temple down.

“KILL HIM!” the voice booms.

minho charges at you again, but before your feet move, he throws takes out something from his pocket and throws it at your feet. you get electrocuted again. in the few seconds that your body is shaking from the electricity, you knocks you down with a kick to the stomach.

“IF THEY GET RID OF ME I NEED TO MAKE SURE S/N IS GONE BEFORE THAT.”

“s/n hold on!” jeongin yells through your in ear.

you can’t really hear him. agony is taking over, your losing consciousness.

“min…ho,” you cough as he gets on top of you again.

“don’t you think, minho?” the man smiles, he thinks it’s a pretty smile.

he can’t even enjoy it though, the waves are roaring louder, he wants to leave. he lowers his hand despite it, eyes shimmering at the sight of the ring. this is a beautiful moment… but what’s wrong?

“MINHO!”

he freezes.

he snaps his head to the side, seeing chan charge straight towards him. what the hell? he feels lightheaded. actually, his head is pounding. he tries to stand up but when he looks down to hoist himself, he sees you.

bloody.

his blood runs cold. his hands tremble and when he sees that he’s holding one of his baton’s- which is dripping with blood- he can’t breathe. did- did he-

“minho-“, chan tries, panting when he reaches you two.

“nonononono,” minho gets out, frantic when he takes in your bloody face and your closed eyes. he grabs your face as he sobs, trying to shake you to get you to open your eyes. “y/n-“

“minho, y/n is-“

“NO SHUT UP!” minho screams, sobbing. he can’t bear to hear it.

he keeps shaking you, begging you to open your eyes.

“hey i need backup here! chan can you come?”

chan hesitates before stepping away.

minho gasps, letting go of you when you don't open your eyes. "no, no, no!" he screams, scrubbing his face with his bloody hands.

what is going to do? this is- "ALL MY FAULT," he sobs.

he's busy crying into your hands when you finally do open your eyes. one of them burns, probably from the blood that had dripped into it. still, you use your energy to put your hands on his hips,

"baby…" you croak out. "i'm not dead-"

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT," he sobs, throwing himself on you to cry into the crook of your neck, "I'M SORRY!"

you groan, screwing your eyes shut. "ack- min- babe- get off- i can't breathe. i gotta broken rib or something-"

minho doesn't stop crying. he quickly scrambles off of you, begging for forgiveness and asking if you're okay.

"hey, hey," you wheeze out, "it's okay. i'm glad they handles it before you really did kill me."

and minho cries harder.

it takes a while for seungmin and felix to come. seungmin uses his powers to facilitate moving you to the ship without putting you in more pain. minho doesn't leave your side even when you're back at the base getting checked and undergoing surgery.

he can't forgive himself for- "being so careless. i should have listened to you when you said something was off about the hideout. i should have waited-"

"hey, shut up," you tease, squeezing his hand. "i was just happy to know you were safe. you being mind controlled was better than finding you dead."

he swallows, looking at your patched up figure. "at least you held me off pretty long…"

"you saying i can't handle you?" you pout.

"if you put it like that…"

"get out."

"no! you're my responsibility-"

"i'm your fiancé."

"exactly." minho eyes you down before smiling. "i really wouldn't have known what to do if you were really dead…"

"probably go even more insane." you tease, which earns you a slap on the arm and you groan.

"SORRY!" he winces.

“give me a kiss and i’ll forgive you,” you say.

he doesn’t even hesitate.

[magewritesstories]

[ ʏᴜᴛᴀ ᴏᴋᴋᴏᴛꜱᴜ ] ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜꜱ, ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜꜱ, ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜꜱ ʙᴏʏ

summary: yuta is jealous of his replacement—your stuffed animal cw: fluff, established relationship, comical jealousy note: i had to write something for my fav anxious boy word count: 652 jujutsu kaisen masterlist // main masterlist

YUTA OKKOTSU NEVER HAD ANYTHING AGAINST DINOSAURS UNTIL TODAY.

Sure, they were cool in the weird way you would find deep sea creatures cool, but he didn't have a particularly strong opinion about them.

Until today.

In all honesty, it's a trap of his own making. He was the one that had won you that plushie at the night festival after all, but that didn't make it any less annoying.

Yuta had come back from his latest way-too-long way-too-far overseas mission and had been dead tired. So, when you suggested to simply cuddle as he caught up to some much-needed rest, the black-haired boy happily agreed.

Except he was wide awake right now, and all your attention and affection seemed to be directed towards the dark green dinosaur plushie in your arms instead of him.

The two of you were about as physically close as you could get—your back against his chest, legs tangled together, and his face buried in the crook of your neck, with one arm lazily thrown over your waist.

And it still wasn't enough.

You were leisurely scrolling through your phone, the sound muted to make sure it didn't disturb Yuta (a nice sentiment even if he wasn't actually sleeping), and your free arm wrapped around the stuffed animal.

You'd grown pretty fond of it, jokingly naming him Yuta Jr. with the thought that he was supposed to be your boyfriend's replacement as he went on overseas missions that he got assigned more often than either of you liked.

Yuta knew this. In fact, he'd laughed as he felt his ears go red when you'd hugged the animal to your chest and claimed it was your child.

He'd seen the dinosaur in the background of your many, many video calls and selfies.

Back then he thought it was endearing. Back then he was happy that you kept something that reminded you of him so close.

Now he just wanted to chuck the thing across the room.

Maybe even throw it away if he could formulate a plan where you didn't notice its absence.

Now, Yuta isn't stupid, he knows that being jealous of a stuffed animal of all things is childish but that logic doesn't seem to quell the annoyed feeling in his chest.

He's been trying to find a way to get rid of the damned thing for twenty minutes.

Yes, he has been pretending to sleep for twenty minutes now. It's pathetic—he's all too well aware of the fact—but it just gives him even more reason to be discreet about his jealousy.

How was he supposed to look you in the eye and tell you he was jealous of a stuffed animal (that he'd won for you) when the two of you had spent months apart without concern?

Eventually, he just lifts his head, midnight black locks brushing against your face. "What're you watching?"

You turn slightly, placing a quick peck on his cheek. "Tik Tok," You reply plainly, "You done sleeping?"

Yuta lets out a soft hum, burying his face in the crook of your neck again, this time to place soft kisses on the sensitive skin.

You let out a quiet giggle at the feeling, turning a little towards him. The boy grins against your skin, turning you until you're completely under him.

He grins at his small victory, prying the plushie out of your arms and letting his entire body weight on top of you.

You laugh at the way the tiny dinosaur goes flying across your dorm.

"Much better," Yuta mumbles, burying his face in your chest and wrapping his arms around your waist.

You raise a brow at the slightly annoyed tone in your boyfriend's voice, an amused smile making its way onto your face.

"Yuta?" You only get a hum in response, "Were you jealous of the plushie?"

A beat of silence. "No..."

Another small silence, then a sigh. "...Yes."

[afictionalwhor3]

Mrs. Serensin

A/N: Back again from the dead lol. College is kicking my ass I cannot even lie. Also, I've been pissed at the lack of diversity in fandoms/fan fics until I realized I can literally change that lol so here's my take enjoy. One shot, I wrote wherever the wind took me.

Dad!Jake Serensin x Wife!Reader

Warnings: Smut 18+, established relationship, fluff (Jake and reader being domestic and in love), only minorly proofread.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't the warm sun on your skin that woke you up. Or even the usual patter of feet and knocking at your door that pulled you abruptly from sleep. It was the feeling of soft lips on your skin. Feather light and if you didn't focus you might've missed them. You stirred softly looking over your shoulder as Jake looked back at you with those gorgeous green eyes you fell in love with so many years ago.

"Morning Mrs. Serensin" He says with that famous boyish grin on his face as he presses a soft kiss to your lips.

"Morning" You mumble wiping your eyes after you kiss him back. "What time is it? Where are the kids?" You asked him. In seemingly no rush Jake went back to his previous role applying warm kisses to the column on your throat and along your shoulder. As much as you wanted to enjoy the moment you couldn't help but anticipate the screaming of children.

"Relax... kids are still sleeping. It's pretty early. It's just me and you darling" He says and some of his Texas drawl slips out making you smile. You lay on your back to properly look at him your hands tracing over his exposed chest down to his defined stomach. His ability to keep up with his physique while parenting three kids always ceased to amaze you. Jake smirks down at you putting his hands on your hips and giving them a squeeze.

"So are you telling me Mr. Serensin that I have you all to myself for the unforseeable future?" You ask smiling at him as he leans in close to you.

"You do Mrs. Serensin. But I don't know for how long so I plan on making the most of it," He says pressing his lips to yours passionately as you wrap your legs around his waist. After your third child, you were scared that yours and Jake's sex life would die down, or maybe he wouldn't even find you attractive anymore. Boy, you couldn't be further from the truth. You could swear that after each kid Jake only began to worship you more.

"You're gorgeous. Always so pretty" Jake whispers to himself when he pulls away from your lip to kiss at your jaw. He then quickly gets rid of his old navy shirt you had on. Slipping a finger up your slit smirking as you whimper. "Always so wet for me mama. I love it." He says pressing his lips to yours again as he slides a finger into your pussy making you moan.

"Jake please. I need you so bad. No teasing please," You beg. The nagging feeling of getting caught lingering at the back of your brain and you don't know what you'd with yourself if this moment between you two was interrupted. Jake slides another finger into you curling them just right to make your eyes roll back as you grab his wrist.

"There you go baby. I got ya. Always gotta make sure you're ready for me." Jake says pressing kisses to your collarbone as he gently pulls his fingers out and takes off his boxers. He guides himself up to your slit teasing you briefly before slowly sliding himself inside your heat both of you letting out breaths of pleasure. "Fuck you're always so tight for me mama. Three kids and you're still tight as the first night we met" Jake breathes into your neck.

One of the many things you loved about sex with Jake was how he wasn't scared to be vocal. You loved all the filthy things he would tell you as he fucked you into oblivion. No matter how many times the two of you had sex it would never get old. And this time was no different as he began thrusting in and out of you, "Yes Jake. Right there baby" You moan your hands finding his back as your nails dig gently into his flesh.

"Pussy's always ready for me. Always ready to take me. Ain't that right baby?" Jake asks as you nod. Usually, he loves to take his time with you, always wanting to make you cum before he even thinks about pleasuring himself. Unfortuantely this morning he didn't have that luxury and there is no way he would pass up an opportunity to watch you lose yourself on his cock. He sits up putting one leg over his shoulder and after a couple of hard thrusts he watches your jaw go slack and your eyes roll back. "There we go mama. There's the spot I was looking for. Feels so good doesn't it baby?"

All you can give him is moan after moan as you spiral deeper and deeper into pleasure. Jake realizes you losing your volume control and presses his lips to yours. "So loud for me. Love when you vocalize how good I'm fucking you baby" He whispers against your lips.

"Jake you're fucking me too good. Don't stop baby and I'll cum. Gonna cum all over your cock" You moan locking eyes with him. Now it is Jake's turn to get lost in your big brown eyes. The same ones he saw everytime he looked at your children.

"Gonna make a mess on my cock baby? Go ahead. Cum for me, I got you" He instructs as he slips a hand in between your body and begins to toy with your clit. That is the final straw for you as you bite softly into his shoulder to control your moans of pleasure. The spasming of your orgasm around Jake's cock has him cumming only a few strokes after you "Fuck baby I'm stuffing your pussy Oh god!" He moans into your ear before relaxing against your body.

You both lay in post orgasmic haze for what feels like forever "We should probably get ourselves together sometime soon before we end up having the birds and the bees conversation a lot sooner than we planned," Jake says making you smile. You run your hands through his hair a few times always trying to maximize the alone time you two shared,

"I guess you have a point there" You say as he smiles looking at you and kissing you "You are the love of my life Mrs. Serensin" He says before slowly pulling out of you as you whimper at the loss of contact. He stands up getting a warm cloth to clean you up with before he uses it for himself. After he does so you stand up so you can start getting ready for the day. You walk over to your closet finding clothes to put on after your quick shower. As you do so you hear Jake whistle behind you making you look over your shoulder,

"Looking good has always Mrs. Serensin. Do you know that everyday we are together you get sexier?" Jake asks as you roll your eyes and go back to the task at your hand biting your lip to hide your smile. You grab a towel before looking at him again,

"You know you don't have to sweet talk me anymore? We're married you know I'll give it to you whenever you want. Also I have a name outside of Mrs. Serensin" You say rhetorically loving that he calls you that all the time and never stops trying to woo you like the days he asked for your number.

"You know better than anyone I love the chase. As long as I'm on earth I'll spend that time hitting on you. You're too hot not to. And if I wanted to call you by your name I wouldn't of married you." He says as you continue to hide your smile from him and walk towards the bathroom. Before he can even ask you say, "No Mr. Serensin you cannot join," you smile as you see him fake pout out of the corner of your eye.

~

"They have the little festival thing in the park we could take them to. Wyatt and Cam loved it last year with the face painting and the balloon animals." You say as you and Jake finish getting dressed for the day almost ready to wake the kids up. Jake walks over slapping your bum gently before wrapping his arms around you.

"Whenever you tell me to go Mrs. Serensin is where I'll be" He says as you roll your eyes. He buries his head in crevice of your neck enjoying the fresh smell of vanilla that is so uniquely you he can smell it wherever he goes.

"Well there's also-" You start before both you and Jake hear a loud crash from downstairs. Both looking scared you race out of your room and downstairs. Jake keeps you behind him the whole time as you walk into the kitchen and see your three children covered in some kind of mix and eggs. Both of your jaws hanging open.

"We wanted to surprise you and make you guys pancakes" Your oldest Wyatt says as you sigh taking a deep breath as you see Jake try to refrain himself from laughing. You hit him lightly in the arm as you get closer to your babies.

"That is so sweet of you guys but next time you can get one of us and we will help you. Just to make sure no one gets hurt." You say picking up your youngest, your little girl Julia as she smiles that big toothy grin at you. "Surprise!!" she says holding her arms out as you hold her at an arms length laughing softly.

"How about daddy helps you guys get cleaned up and dressed for the day while I clean this mess up. After that we will all get breakfast and if you're good go to the park." You say as they all clap in unison. Wyatt and Cam make a dash past Jake racing to the bathroom as you walk over to him putting Julia in his arms.

"Get to cleaning Daddy. There's a lot of work to do" You smile giving him a kiss as Julia cuddles into him leaving Jake stunned and just as dirty now. Yet he can't help but smile at you, then his little girl, and at the life he currently as. Despite the egg yolk on his shirt, and the mess that he can already hear happening in the upstairs bathroom, he swears he wouldn't change his life for anything.

[lost-in-fandoms]

Some kitten knight Max! Someone once asked me how Daniel got to know that Max was a shifter, and I decided to write it. This is a bit silly.

Daniel is nervous. He's pretty sure he hasn't done anything worth punishing him for, or anything worth praising him for, so he is not sure why he's being summoned to the Captain's office.

He's also pretty sure he hasn't cheated, hasn't flirted with anyone hard enough to warrant an angry partner, and hasn't done anything bad in general, really, to be summoned by his boyfriend to the Captain's office.

So yes, he's nervous, and confused, and he really wishes Max had said something more than meet me at my study after your shift.

Maybe Max wants to have study sex? Daniel doesn't know if he'd be on board with it. Max's study is small, and anyone could walk past and hear, or open the door, and there's not really any comfortable surface, not even Max's chair.

He's feeling jittery and weird by the time he actually finishes his last round on the wall and walks towards the courtyard, wondering if he should go get rid of his armor and maybe swing by the baths before going to see Max, or if this is more of a right away situation.

He decides to go at least take his armor off, the whole time feeling like it should be silly to be this nervous about Max.

Sure, he's the Captain now, and as such he has a lot of power over Daniel's job, not to even mention the whole love of his life situation, but he's still Max.

Daniel remembers him, green and eager, still just a child, having to be handed a shorter practice sword because he was too little to hold a regular one. He remembers how hungry he was: for a fight, for a win, for praise, for companionship, for a kind hand on his shoulder. He remembers how even back then he used to take down guys double his size, round cheeks red with effort.

And even now, he's seen Max stumble on his own feet, so tired he can barely stand, he has seen him choke on food because he's laughing too hard, pull ridiculous faces, make weird sounds.

Yes, Daniel decides, he refuses to feel nervous, or intimidated. Whatever Max has to tell him, Daniel will not face it with trembling knees.

He knocks on the door a little more loudly than he intended to, startling himself, but he squares his shoulders again by the time Max's voice calls for him to come in.

Max is sitting at his desk, a pile of papers, leave of absences and shift schedules from what Daniel can see, in front of him, but he looks up when Daniel walks in, immediately smiling.

Some of Daniel's nerves disappear at the sight of his crinkled eyes, because for sure Max wouldn't smile at him like this if he was going to give him bad news. And yet there is something in Max's expression that doesn't put Daniel fully at ease, an hint of nerves that is usually hard to find there.

"You wanted to see me?" Daniel asks, as if he hasn't had Max saying meet me at my study playing in his brain for the past few hours.

Max nods, shuffling the papers around before getting up.

"Come with me, I need to show you something," he says, leading Daniel back outside.

Show you something doesn't sound so bad. Unless Daniel has done something particularly bad without knowing and Max is going to challenge him to a duel. And as much as Daniel prides himself of his skill, he knows that against Max he'd lose.

But Max wouldn't do it like this. He would challenge him properly, give him time to organise his things, not this whole show you something bullshit.

"Is it far away? Is it something bad? Should I grab my cloak?" Daniel asks, walking beside Max and picking at his fingers. He knows he's asking too many questions too fast, but he is nervous, has been nervous for several hours now, so he can't help it.

Max doesn't seem to mind though, turning his head to smile at him again.

"It is not, I don't know, I don't think so."

He doesn't elaborate, and Daniel sticks his tongue out at him, making them both laugh.

It is kind of lovely, really, to walk with Max like this, without the pressure of being on patrol, the sun just a sliver of light on the horizon, the castle around them winding down for the night. Daniel would enjoy it more if he wasn't so busy trying to figure out what is happening and where they're going, but he files the pleasantness of it away. Maybe if he still has a boyfriend, and his life, tomorrow he will ask Max to go on another walk.

Max leads him out of the inner wall, towards the hillside, further away from the light of lanterns and torches. He doesn't really slow down, even when it becomes hard to see where they're putting their feet in the quickly darkening evening, and Daniel tries his best to not stumble, not wanting to look like a fool in case Max is thinking about break up with him.

When they're far away enough from everyone, inside the shadowy lines of the first trees, hidden enough Max could kill him and get away with it, Max stops.

"Are you going to kill me and hide my body, Maxy?" Daniel asks, because he can't not, laughing nervously. It's even darker here, underneath the trees, dark enough he's struggling a little to make out Max's expression. For some reason, Max looks as nervous as Daniel feels.

"Of course no, Daniel. Why would I want to kill you?" he's frowning a little, and it's sort of adorable. Daniel wants to kiss him. Daniel also really wants to know what's going on.

"Then why are we here?"

He watches as Max fidgets a little, shaking his hands like he does before a fight. Which is not very reassuring, to be honest.

"I want to show you something," Max finally says, slow and serious. "It's important to me, and I trust you, but I need you to promise not to tell."

Daniel tries to run through his options. With a premise like that, he's pretty sure now Max won't kill him. Or break up with him. Or do anything Daniel-related really. But that leaves him with very little ideas.

The way Max says I trust you, easy and truthful and open, warms him from the inside out though, enough that he nods without thinking more about it.

"I promise. You can trust me."

Max nods too, and Daniel can see him take a deep breath and then...disappear.

Daniel blinks.

He rubs his eyes, looking around.

No Max.

Max was right there, in front of him, and now he isn't anymore.

It's not dark enough to justify that kind of disappearance, and Daniel is pretty sure he hasn't been drugged, or hit his head.

But Max is just. Gone.

He doesn't understand.

"Max?" he asks, feeling a bit silly. Max is clearly not there. Unless he can make himself invisible, which Daniel has never heard being possible other than to mages, and he's pretty sure Max isn't a mage.

And then there's something tugging at his booth, and a tiny sound, and when Daniel looks down there's a kitten on the ground.

Daniel really doesn't understand what's going on.

Has the kitten been there the whole time? What is a kitten doing in the woods, especially one so tiny? Is the kitten even real?

He crouches down, reaching forward to touch the kitten, just to make sure he's at least real, but before he can, the kitten shifts away.

And then he blinks, and the cat is gone and Max is back, standing in front of him, and Daniel loses his balance and falls on his ass on the cold ground.

"What the fuck."

He feels like his brain has turned into the chunky soup they sometimes serve at mass, too hot and with weird floaty bits.

Max was gone. The kitten was there. The kitten was gone. Max is back there.

"Daniel, are you okay?"

Max's voice sounds far away. Nothing feels real. The soup bits are trying to connect to form a thought with not much success.

"Daniel?"

Max is crouching beside him, a worried frown on his face, his steady hands shaking a little.

"You're...a cat?"

It feels absurd to even say that, but.

Max. Kitten. No Max. No kitten.

"I'm a shifter, but my form is a cat, yes. Are you going to attack me?"

Daniel's soup brain sloshes inside his head, shaken by the question.

"Attack you? Why?"

Max shrugs, the movement tense even as he tries to look careless.

"People do stupid things when they're scared. And maybe you hate me now."

Daniel chokes on his spit.

Hate Max?

Daniel's soup brain is solidifying a little, memories of all the stories his mom had always told him about shifters coming up through the broth. A shifter. Right there! In front of Daniel! A real one!

"You're a shifter," he blurts out, as if Max hadn't literally told him himself a few moments ago.

Max, kindly enough, doesn't point it out, just nods.

A shifter!

"Can you do it again?" Daniel asks, before he can think about it and decide if it's impolite to.

Max sends him a long considering look, but then he nods, and after Daniel's next blink, the kitten is back, right where Max had been crouching.

A real shifter! And a kitten! So tiny he will probably fit in Daniel's palm!

Daniel's nerves, confusion, surprise and shock all come together, melting into one sharp feeling of happy awe, so bright he can't help but laugh with it, feeling his cheeks hurt.

Max shifts back, easy as breathing, replacing the kitten in the blink of an eye. He's still looking at Daniel a bit warily, but his shoulders aren't as tense, and he's smiling a little.

"You're okay with it?" he asks, hesitant for some reason, even if Daniel feels like he's going to burst with joy right then and there.

He wants to reach for him, to touch and make sure he's real, to ask him to shift again and touch the kitten too, to kiss him until neither of them can breathe. To see him shift over and over for the rest of his life.

A shifter!

"Baby, that's the best thing you have ever shown me, and I've seen your dick!" he laughs, feeling bright and light and awed.

Max's cheeks turn a darker shade of pink, visible even in the very little light left, and he swats at Daniel with a huff, but he seems pleased.

Daniel hopes he's pleased, because he is overjoyed. All the stories, all the years spent dreaming of ever having the chance to just meet a shifter, and here one is. And he's his.

His shifter.

And it's not that Daniel had doubts before, but now he is sure that whatever happens, he's never letting Max go.

His shifter.

[aayakashii]

Part three to the story! You can read part 1 here, and part 2 here.

Warnings: SFW, gender neutral reader, angst and depiction of a panic attack. If you feel triggered by that, please avoid it and take care of yourself first!!!

Author's note: this derailed into Alan going through it so I'm not sure how I feel about it,,,, I feel like the story took a sharp turn into another direction that is detached from chapter 1. anyway, I would really appreciate your comments if you liked it!

touch starved – ch. 3

MC

Are you available to go through that mission right now?

Alan watched as a typing bubble suddenly appeared on his chat with them, mildly pleased at how fast they visualized his message.

It almost made him feel stupid after stalling to send them a message for so long. Although he would never admit it, because admitting it would be acknowledging his anxiety to talk to them.

Right now?

Hm...

Yes.

I had to go finish some errands for Jin...

He didn't have the right to feel jealous over them, much less over something innocuous like that. It was just their job. And even if it wasn't, he still has no right to feel anything for them at all.

Alan narrowed his eyes at the message, his fist clenching unconsciously around his phone. He stopped himself before could actually crush it into bits. It wouldn't be the first time, actually.

I believe missions are a priority.

Darkwick policy.

Jin has Tohma.

He'll live.

He pursed his lips, mouth forming a thin line as he tried to get rid of that green feeling forming inside his chest, while he thought about typing all the other reasons why they should ditch Jin.

He needed to get rid of it.

I know he will live, it's about MY survival though hahaha

Alan managed to suck in a deep breath. Okay. So they were hesitating just because it was their job, and not because they favored Jin.

Don't wanna lose my head, you know?

Good, good.

Don't worry

I'll keep you safe

Alan cringed at his own corny message, but it was too late. He had no clue on how to delete something after it was sent, so he sat with his embarrassment, nibbling on his own bottom lip as he looked at the "Seen" under his texts that appeared as soon as his messages were successfully sent. A typing bubble appeared, then disappeared, then appeared again.

...

10 seconds feel more like 10 hours.

You there?

He allowed a little bit of his anxiety flow through the message, his right leg bouncing up and down, restlessly, as the heel of his shoe made a loud tap tap tap sound in his room.

Soeey

Sorry*

I got a bit distracted

But okay

I'll see you in a few minutes

I'll let Tohma know I can't see Jin rn and go straight to Vagastrom

Okay.

Alan pursed his lips again, that time to suppress the smile that threatened to creep into his face.

His right leg rested, finally.

No big deal. He knew you were coming just because missions are, indeed, a priority. He knew that.

Deep inside his chest, however, he felt a bubbling pride come to the surface of his feelings.

You chose him over Jin.

He breathed in deeply and rubbed his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down befored you arrived. He had no right to act giddy like that, not him, not ever. He had to wipe that small smile from his face.

A soft knock sounded on his door as Alan finished organizing all the paperwork for the mission. Two cans of iced coffee and a few bags of chips also rested right beside the documents – it was the best he could get with the little time he had.

“Hey, I'm here” your head peeked inside his room, and Alan had to keep himself from flinching. It wasn't characteristic of him to feel jumpy since he was constantly aware of his surroundings, but he had found this new side of himself after the mission regarding Takeru's ghost.

Ever since he saw your body being dragged down by that anomaly, his nightmares seemed to be filled with images of you almost succumbing to that monster. Reminding himself that you were safe, at least for now, was a conscious effort he had to do most days.

He wondered if you had nightmares about him being bloodied from head to toe after he lost control.

“Thanks for coming after such a short notice. You can come in.” he opened the door, ushering you inside.

“It's no problem. Did you take a look at it already?” you walked towards his coffee table, where all papers seemed to be organized and sat on his floor, eyes scanning the pile of documents.

“Mhm, I did.” Alan joined you and slid one of the cans towards your direction “I'm pretty sure they only categorized this as a mission because of the amount of documents with omitted information. It's a lot of work.”

You took a sharp breath through your teeth.

“Yeah, I can see that…”

Alan stared at the troubled expression on your face and suddenly felt a wave of self-consciousness wash over his body.

Working with him must be a chore. Now that he was thinking things through, you didn't need to go through this after all. At least, not again, not when he could handle things on his own this time, even if it was a lot of work. He could just let you leave–

“Actually, you don't really need to worry about this. You are free to go if you have other businesses.” he blurted out, without much thought, his uncertainty getting the best of him.

Alan was everything except a man who was tuned into his emotions. And sometimes, they caught him by surprise when they took over his body and acted on their own.

It was the reason why he was so afraid of his own anger. He didn't know when or if it could take control over him. 

You stared at Alan, who sat across from you on the table, and lifted an eyebrow.

“But you called me here.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking apologetic.

Truthfully, he felt conflicted.

A big, loud part of his mind wanted you there, with him. He wanted the comfort of your company, the normalcy and gentleness of being with you; someone so different from the Vagastrom House's students, and from the surroundings that were familiar to him – because he hadn’t known tranquility for most of his life.

Another part of him, however, wanted to push you away because he didn’t feel like he deserved said tranquility. 

“Yeah, however–” he was interrupted by the loud sound of a can's lid being snapped open.

“Of course I'm not leaving, Alan. It's my job as an inspector and I want to help you.”

Alan's gaze towards you softened and he took a deep breath, nodding.

Of course you wouldn't up and leave, no matter how much he tried to push you away.

It was one of the things that shook him to his core while he was working with you – not once did you express feeling uncomfortable, but most importantly, you never seemed to be afraid of him, which was unprecedented for Alan.

He knew what the other students said about his past, and he was sure that you were aware of every rumor, of every story people passed on regarding his life. Yet, never once did their fear seem to rub off on you. Each time, you chose to stay beside him, trusting him instead.

He knew that pushing you away was never going to be that simple.

You worked diligently through the first few documents on your pile, laser focused on the task at hand. Your hands moved fast, peppering the paper in red ink as you circled the information that needed to change and the numbers that needed to be input.

Meanwhile, Alan was lost in his thoughts as he looked at you, his hand loosely holding a red pen against the paper, the pen's tip making a small stain on it.

His own lack of movement made you slowly lift your gaze towards him and he flinched again, putting his finger against the red puddle of ink to dry it out faster, and quickly moving the papers to pretend he was just as focused as you.

Your very presence, however, seemed to make it impossible for Alan to concentrate.

He frowned, trying to understand what was printed on that paper right in front of him, but his eyes wandered again from his papers to rest on you, so, so near him.

Looking at your hands, he still felt the faint ghost of your touch on his head. Despite digging his nails into his scalp that whole afternoon, he still couldn't remove the memory of your skin against his hair and it haunted him. He kept on banishing time and time again every greedy thought that merely implied he wanted more of that.

He scribbled random numbers down onto his paper, mind totally focused on the fact that you were right in front of him. He would definitely need to review each and every single document he pretended to correct, because, at that moment, the sound of his heartbeat thumping loud in his eardrums prevented him from concentrating.

He glanced sideways towards you as you moved to grab your coffee. Alan swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down,  as he observed the way your lips pressed against the can and one stray drop of coffee trailed down your chin, your neck and entered the confines of your uniform.

He licked his lips and gritted his teeth.

How he wished he could taste your skin – but no, no. He couldn't entertain thoughts like that, not when he felt so unworthy of your touch.

He shook his head, trying to chase his thoughts away.

His mind flashed to Dante and the purple and black bruises littering his body and a cloud of guilt immediately hid his desires under its gloomy shadow.

How could he ever think of touching you with the same hands that killed a man? The same hands that held weapons, the same hands that landed him in juvie.

Alan tried to hide all the blood under grease and car oil, but it was still there – and he would rather be damned than cause the same pain on you by cursing you with his attention.

He didn’t deserve you. Not your company, not your friendship, much less your affection.

His heartbeat kept on drumming loudly on his ears, every part of his body seemed to be pulsing in the same rhythm as his thoughts snowballed into a pit of self-hatred.

He felt heat emanate from his skin, even though his room’s air conditioner was blasting the same way it had always been. Alan tried swallowing through the sudden nausea, but his throat felt like it was closing up and his tongue felt heavy on his dry mouth.

He rested his head against his trembling hands, trying his best to breathe even though it felt like his lungs weren’t working. He felt like he was dying. Was he dying? But why? Did something curse him too? Or maybe he was just ill, he never really had any health checks done by Mortkranken anyway, maybe he had been sick already.

He felt like he was going to throw up, but he didn’t even remember where he was. Where was he? He couldn’t see. His vision seemed to have darkened and his chest hurt so, so much. He gasped, trying to force the air inside his lungs.

He wished he could have at least held your hand before he died. Oh, speaking of it, weren’t you working with him just a few moments ago?

“–lan. Alan. Can you hear me? Alan, focus on my voice if you can hear me, please.”

In between the clouds in his mind, he suddenly heard your voice, muffled and distant.

“I’m right here, Alan. Please focus on my voice, I’m right here.”

His head snapped towards you, breathing still erratic. His tunnel vision seemed to expand a little and he managed to make out your face. You were right beside him, an extremely worried expression on you.

Why did you look so worried? Oh, right, he was dying.

“I know it must be hard to focus right now, but I’m gonna keep talking so you can try to come back first.”

He managed to suck in a shaky breath through his nose, the feeling of salty water hitting the back of his throat. His trembling hands moved to touch his own face - it was wet with his own tears. When did he start crying?

This seemed to bring him back a bit more, so you kept on talking.

“Can you hear me better now? Let’s try breathing together?”

He looked at you, thoughts still hazy as his heartbeat kept on drumming loudly.

“Alan.” you called him and he tried to focus on your face.

“I’m going to touch your arm, is that okay?”

You seemed to have said something about touching him and he nodded, confused.

He suddenly felt your hands wrap around his wrists.

“Focus on my hands and on my voice. Okay?”

He nodded again, still unable to speak.

“Let’s try breathing together. I’m gonna count and you’re gonna follow me, okay?”

Your thumbs gently rubbed against his quickened pulse and he felt the fog dissipate a bit more.

“Breathe in deeply for 4 seconds. 1, 2, 3, 4.”

He followed your instructions, trying to open up his own airways.

“Hold for 7 seconds. Don’t exhale yet, okay? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.”

He moved his wrists, allowing you to hold his hands instead and you squeezed them, reassuringly.

“Now let go for 8 seconds. Exhale. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.”

He felt his chest hurt a little bit less and cringed at the damp feeling of his tears wetting his face.

You guided him through his breathing for a few more minutes, until Alan felt like he could speak again.

“I thought I was dying.” he confessed, voice raspy and low. You looked at him, sympathetically.

“You were going through a really bad panic attack.” you said, and he widened his eyes in surprise “You’ve never gone through one?”

He shook his head. So he wasn’t dying. Good. But also, he felt like running away from his mind even more after he that.

“It can happen to anyone. I’ve been through some as well, especially if I’m too trapped inside my own bad thoughts. That’s why I knew that breathing technique.” you grabbed a napkin on his table and kneeled closer to him, motioning with your hands towards his face. “Can I?”

"Okay" he managed to say and hesitantly closed his eyes as he felt you dry his tear-striken face with the napkin.

It was the closest you have ever been to him. He breathed deeply, basking on the scent of lavender fabric softener that came from your clothes, and leaned against your touch unconsciously.

Your eyes softened as you observed him in such a vulnerable state. You didn’t know what was it that plagued him so much that sent him spiraling so horribly, but nothing could beat the certainty that you wished you could protect him from those demons just as much as you wanted to keep touching him.

“Alan.” you murmured and he opened his eyes, suddenly embarrassed as he realized he was resting his cheek on your hand.

He quickly leaned away from you, gaze moving everywhere but your face.

“Sorry, I didn’t notice I wa-”

“Alan” you said, once again, louder. He looked at you, silencing himself.

“Would you let me hug you?”

Alan's eyes widened and, for a moment, his thoughts seemed to halt for the first time in that afternoon. 

Your question echoed inside of his skull and all he managed to do in response was lean forward again, allowing you to wrap your arms around him.

You leaned your cheek against the back of his head and made sure to keep breathing deeply and evenly so he could follow your example. His arms were hesitant, and looped awkwardly around your waist, afraid of holding you too tight.

Your hands pulled his arms closer and he froze, his already tensed up muscles feeling even tighter. You moved your hands to his back again and began rubbing circles against the fabric of his vest.

Alan tried his best not to allow himself to melt against your touch, but after a while, he failed to keep himself from indulging in the feeling of peace that you gave him. It was something he only found in you and he felt like he could happily drown in it.

Your head moved, and you leaned back in order to be able to look at his tired eyes.

“I hope you know you can count on me if you ever need to talk about something. You don’t have to deal with your thoughts alone.” you murmured, arms still keeping his locked in your embrace.

Alan avoided your gaze, looking down at the documents you two still had to write, long forgotten.

The persistent voice in his head still tried to claim he wasn’t worthy of anything you were offering him, but in your arms, your voice was much louder than any insecurity he could have.

He chose to listen to you, even if just for that moment.

He nodded, arms steadying around your waist.

“Thank you.”

Masterlist link

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - joel miller x f! reader - vol. v

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | photo cred

chapter summary: You knew yourself, and the way that you could get hung up on the right kind of person. Joel was that kind of person. But you don’t like how formal this feels. So real. -- In other words, Joel takes you on your first date. pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader words: 8.6k chapter warnings: SMUT, 18+ ONLY (it's happening, folks!) - unprotected sex, please dm if you want specifics but I’m not trying to spoil too much. If you don't want to read the smut, it doesn't happen until about halfway through the chapter. Crying after sex. Angst. FLUFF. Mentions of anxiety & self-doubt, alcohol consumption.  a/n: Help! I can’t stop writing fit checks into this story!! This ended up being insanely horny but also shockingly sweet. I worked way way way too hard on it so please say nice things to me. Might need to take a couple days off because I'm really feeling burnt out. So please enjoy in the meantime.

-May 16, 2003-

Joel doesn’t like lying to Sarah.

Although, he’s not sure that he’s lying to her as much as he is simply….omitting information. Depending on who you ask, that could still be considered lying.

He’s fresh out of the shower when he steps into the living room, fishes through the catch-all basket located just inside the front door, and pockets his wallet and keys.

“Where are you going?” 

Sarah’s lounging on the couch, on her back, one of her hands slung behind her head. There’s a book opened on her lap, but she’s not reading. “You’re all dressed up.”

Joel looks down at his green flannel shirt, tucked into a pair of dark jeans. Truth be told, he’s a little ashamed he doesn’t have anything nicer in his closet. It’s not like he ever has any occasion to dress up, but he’s already feeling self-conscious and being (most likely) underdressed isn’t helping. Based on the very limited information he knows about your past relationships, you’re probably accustomed to crisp dress shirts, ties, blazers. He doesn’t own any of those things — he did, at one point, have the tux from his wedding, but he’d gotten rid of it after the divorce. Every time he saw it in the back of his closet, it made him sick. Regardless, tonight he’d done the best he could otherwise - showered, trimmed his beard, and even dug through his medicine cabinet for an old – probably expired – bottle of cologne. Hopefully it was enough. 

“I’ve uh….I’ve got a date.” Joel says. 

The theme song from That’s So Raven is blaring through the living room, but it immediately cuts out as Sarah presses mute and sits up entirely from her spot on the couch. “Really?”

“Don’t act so surprised,” Joel says. “Your uncle is coming over, though, he’s gonna drop me off and then he said he’d take you to the movies.”

As if on cue, he hears Tommy’s truck pull into the drive. “Yes!” Sarah leaps up from the couch. “I have to change first.”

“Hurry up, babygirl, I’m already runnin’ behind,” Joel calls after her. 

Tommy knocks twice on the front door before letting himself in anyways. 

“You’re late,” Joel informs, shutting the door behind him. They should’ve left five minutes ago, and the last thing Joel wants is for you to think he’s not punctual. To be fair, he’s not, and almost never is. But you don’t need to know that….yet. 

“Hello to you, too,” Tommy trails after him into the kitchen. Joel is tempted to chug a beer, or fish the half-empty bottle of whiskey he’s got in the cabinet out to take a shot — just to take the edge off. But he refrains. It wouldn’t be a good look to show up smelling of booze.

“So…who's the lucky lady?” When Joel doesn’t answer right away, Tommy presses. “Come on, Joel, who is it?” 

He contemplates telling his brother the truth, but he doesn’t want to give him the idea that he had taken his advice. He didn’t. Well maybe he did, but he knows Tommy will become insufferable if he finds out. 

“Is it who I think it is?” Tommy asks. “It better be.”

Unfortunately, Tommy knows him too well. They’re brothers, and really, Joel’s first and oldest friend. The answer is written all over his face. 

Tommy grins. “Fucking finally. Oh my god, dude, I thought you’d never-”

“Alright, alright!” Joel interjects, eyes darting nervously up the stairs, where he hears his daughter shuffling around in her bathroom. “Keep your mouth shut, I haven’t told Sarah yet.” 

Tommy raises his hands in defense, but at least seems to understand how serious Joel is. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna say anything. Are you excited?”

“Yeah,” Joel looks down at the countertop, and is compelled to be honest with his little brother. “I’m uh….I’m a little nervous, though. Been awhile since I’ve done anything like this.” 

Tommy grows serious. “Do you want my advice?” 

“Yours?” Joel feels like whatever advice he has to offer is likely questionable, particularly with someone like you. “No thanks. I’d rather make a good impression.”

His brother ignores the subtle dig. “You sure? Because unlike you, I actually go on dates. I mean, it’s been what, like….ten years?” He crosses his arms, pretends to think. It’s probably only been a couple of months since the last time Joel took someone out, and Tommy knows it, but he loves to dramatize. “I mean at this stage, you’re basically a born-again virgin. Do you even remember how to put on a condom?” 

Joel crosses his arms and glares at his brother, who begins giggling at his bad joke. “I knew I shouldn’t have fucking said anything to you,” he shakes his head.

“Oh come on Joel, you’ll be fine,” Tommy says. “Really. She’s into you. I could tell when we were all together the other night. Even when I was dancing with her, I kept catching her lookin’ your way…”

“Yeah, well….” Joel rubs the back of his neck to play off the surge of warmth he gets from this information. “Thanks.”

Sarah’s bathroom door opens, and he hears the staccato beat of her sneakers coming down the stairs. Joel points at Tommy one last time. “Not a word, understand?” 

Tommy nods just as she rounds the corner.

“Uncle Tommy!” Sarah raises her hand to give him a high-five, which they both purposely miss so they can collide palms on the downswing, grab each other’s hands and then begin a secret handshake so complex that Joel, who has seen it a thousand times, still doesn’t think he could execute correctly if he tried.

“How’s my favorite niece?” 

“I’m your only niece.” 

“Touche,” they shoot at each other with finger guns before she wraps him in a hug and Tommy presses his nose to the top of her head. Despite the fact that their little routine is costing Joel precious time, almost all the annoyance he’d been feeling with his brother dissipates at the sight.

“We all ready?” Tommy asks her, then points at him. “Don’t want to make this casanova late.”

“Yeah, of course not,” Sarah looks over at Joel with a smile that doesn’t seem entirely sincere. When she was younger and he’d gone on dates, she always had a lot more questions. Who is it? What is she like? When can I meet her? Is she pretty? Over the years, however, she became less and less interested. It was because she was smart, and had caught onto the pattern - he’d go on a date, maybe one or two more, then there’d be a long period of nothing before the cycle repeated itself every couple months. It rarely developed into anything that would concern her, and Joel always kept the details to himself.

While they’re en route to the restaurant – a little French bistro that had opened up recently — Sarah and Tommy bicker about what movie they want to see.

“I wanna see Holes. I just read the book.”

Tommy grimaces. “What about Matrix Reloaded? It just came out.”

“I already told dad I’d go to that with him.”

“So?” he looks between Sarah and Joel. “Why can’t you just see it twice?”

“No,” Sarah says emphatically. “I have to see it with dad first. It’s not fair.” 

Tommy groans, mutters under his breath. “I can’t believe you let her watch that crap,” as if he wasn’t about to do the same thing.

“She likes it,” Joel shrugs.

“All the more reason to see it tonight.”

“Tommy,” Joel warns. 

“Fine.”

“I don’t really like it, though. I just like to keep dad company so he doesn’t have to see it alone.”

“You’re too nice,” Tommy takes a beat. “Are you sure you aren’t adopted?”

“Shut up,” Joel and Sarah answer at the same time, and Joel holds his palm behind him for his daughter to slap. 

Tommy acquiesces, his truck jolting as it pulls into the parking lot of the restaurant. Joel’s heart rate picks up immediately. The car rolls to a stop and Joel turns to look at both of them. “Alright, I’ll be home by midnight.”

“Sounds good,” says Sarah. 

“Have fun,” Tommy raises his eyebrows, winks, and thankfully Sarah doesn’t see it, because she’s getting out of the truck to take Joel’s spot shotgun. He makes sure she’s settled with her seatbelt on before he shuts the door.

He isn’t trying to waste time, but Joel watches them pull out of the lot and back onto the street before he goes inside the restaurant. Really, he just needs a minute to collect himself. There’s no good reason for him to be as anxious as he is, he’s already kissed you once, and you had seemed to like it — quite a lot too. For the past week the feeling of your body pressed up against him, legs around his torso, was pretty much all he thought about when his mind wandered. Mostly at night before bed, and even today, in the shower when he was getting ready - just to try and calm down. Even now, the idea leaves him flustered.

Nevertheless, this probably isn’t even technically a first date. He hasn’t had issues speaking to you in the past, so this should be easy. Right? But what if you change your mind? And what if it dawns on you that he’s not your type? Even worse, what if you realize he’s just not good enough? 

Joel forces himself inside before he talks himself out of this. When he enters, he sees you first. You’re across the room, leaning over the small bar where a few other patrons are. Greedily, he takes you in, and it’s easy to trace your figure in the tight black shift dress you’ve got on, sheer black tights underneath. It’s sleek, stylish - not that Joel knows much about that. As usual, you stand out in stark contrast to every other person in the place. He likes it. But he feels underdressed. He’ll look ridiculous standing next to you, and he briefly considers turning around, leaving, and saving himself the embarrassment.  

That’s until you move, angling yourself towards him and scanning the restaurant, an elbow resting on the bar, a hand on your knee. You’re looking for him, waiting for him, and finally, you’re rewarded when your eyes catch. Suddenly, Joel doesn’t care about what he’s wearing. He doesn't care that he’s not good enough. At the very least, he doesn’t have to guess if you’re interested in him anymore, not with how you’re gazing at him — a soft smile and narrowed eyes that betray your enthusiasm. Sure, he's not good enough, but he decides if he’s going to go down in flames, he’ll do it trying to convince you otherwise.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Maybe I should’ve eaten a proper lunch, you think to yourself. You’ve barely touched the drink in your hand, but you’re already starting to feel it. And even though you are the designated driver tonight, for now, the slight buzz is welcome, working to soothe. 

Over the years, you’d been on your fair share of first dates. Unlike most…you don’t hate them. For whatever reason, getting to know new people had always come easy, particularly if they were the right person. Being a lawyer, you had a knack for talking yourself into or out of almost anything. So it was just as easy to let someone know if they weren’t the right person. The best part of first dates, however, was that they lacked all the things you hated — promises, expectations, and conversations that went deeper than general pleasantries. 

So all things considered, you shouldn’t feel as tense as you do right now.

There’s a few factors that might have something to do with it, and your brain turns them over,  biding your time until your date arrives. 

First is the text that sits opened on your BlackBerry.

Dad’s home from the hospital. Doing better. Call when you can. - Vince

Your father has been in and out of the hospital for the last month or so, his health rapidly declining. But every update from your brother, however innocent they may be, feels like veiled threats. You should be here. You should know this. I shouldn't have to text you about it. I can’t believe I’m the only one looking after him. A part of you wants to believe that Vincent wouldn’t play that sort of game with you, but as you’ve gotten older and grown apart, you’d gotten worse at deciphering his motivations. Vaguely, you acknowledge that you could just be projecting, and you are the only one trying to make you feel bad. 

And then there’s Joel. 

He’s running late, you hope, or he’s stood you up. And you have already promised yourself that you’re only gonna wait ten more minutes before heading home with your tail tucked between your legs. The thought of that makes you regret agreeing to this in the first place. You’d already embarrassed yourself the last time you were together, practically begging him to take you on the kitchen countertop, but he’d insisted on doing this right. You should’ve pushed harder because you’re starting to think that maybe, just maybe….a zipless fuck would’ve sufficed. Oh, who were you kidding? You knew yourself, and the way that you could get hung up on the right kind of person. Joel was that kind of person. But you don’t like how formal this feels. So real. 

He knows you better than most first dates do. You’ve told him more about your family, about your fucked up childhood, about your aversion to committed relationships more than any friend you’ve made since moving to Texas. And he listened. It should make you feel better. He knows what he’s getting himself into, and he asked you here anyways. Maybe he’s having second thoughts. 

For what feels like the thousandth time, you check your emails and take a sip of your dirty martini – your preferred vehicle for alcohol consumption. Ultimately, you like the idea of a martini more than the actual taste, but you appreciate how direct they are. You scan the restaurant one last time, doing your best to look casual, like you don’t really care. Like you’re supposed to be there alone. 

But when your head turns towards the entrance, Joel is standing across from you. 

He gives you a bashful smile, one that makes your stomach flip, and makes his way over – though he doesn’t seem to be in a rush. It’s like he knows you’d sit and wait for him for as long as it takes – you would, you will, you are. 

When he finally lands in front of you, one thumb hooked in the belt loop of his dark-wash jeans, he leans forward and presses his lips to your cheek for the briefest moment, and pulls back, looking you up and down. 

“It’s good to see you, darlin’,” he murmurs softly. The term of endearment makes your ears feel hot. You're shocked at the effect he has on you, almost can’t believe it. It scares you, too, but you want to chase the feeling. “You look great.”

“So do you,” because you’re not one to lie. He does. As good as always, but he might’ve trimmed his beard for the occasion and maybe….put on cologne? It’s hard to tell, and in your brief experience being so close to him, he’s always smelled good regardless. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he apologizes. “Can’t count on Tommy to get me anywhere on time.”

“It’s alright,” you say casually, like you hadn’t had your whole exit strategy planned out just minutes ago. “I got to have a drink while I wait. You want something?” you gesture towards the bartender. 

“Sure,” Joel answers. “How about an old fashioned?” There’s no room for him to sit, so he leans next to you, arm on the bartop, invading your personal space while you wait for your table. Your skin buzzes like you’ve never been this close to a man before in your life. Pathetic. 

He orders his drink before he speaks to you again. “Have you been here before?” he asks. 

You shake your head no. “I was planning on coming a couple months ago but….never got around to it.”

“It’s good,” he says. “I’ve been a couple times.”

“Is this where you take all the girls you go out with?” you raise an eyebrow, grateful that your voice sounds even despite the way your blood is fizzing, your heart pumping so fast you can feel it in your ears. 

Joel shakes his head no. “That’s down the street.”

“Oh?” you nod, sip your drink. Whatever buzz you’d been feeling is gone in the wake of adrenaline. “So….why didn’t you take me there, then?”

“It’s not as nice,” Joel smirks, leaning in a little closer – if it were possible. His lips are practically touching your ear, and his voice is raspy for what comes next. “And I’m trying to impress you.” 

“Right,” you can’t help but smile, pulling back so you can lock eyes. He’s so sincere you can’t even think up a clever quip in return. “How thoughtful.” 

He gives you a cheeky grin. You want to touch him, want to hold him, want to fist the front of his shirt or tug on the hair at the back of his neck and stick your tongue down his throat like you aren’t surrounded by an entire restaurant of patrons. 

It’s going to be the longest fucking dinner of your life. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You survive. 

But at a cost. 

And you don’t learn anything new about Joel, except for the fact that your memory hasn’t exaggerated how charming he is, how charismatic, how thoughtful. All the times you’d allowed yourself to daydream about him didn’t hold a candle. Enjoying the meal is difficult, because you just want to get him alone. He can sense it – you’re pretty sure, because he orders himself a coffee after dessert, and sips on it ever-so-slowly, smirking at you over the rim of the mug.

When dinner’s over, you offer to drive Joel home, since he’d gotten a ride here. By this point, the martini is long gone from your system and you sort of want to pour yourself another when you get home. Even if you don’t drink much, the nerves have resurfaced. 

He walks a few paces behind you as you leave the restaurant, taking his time, and you step to your side of the car, making to unlock it – until something grabs your bicep – briskly – and spins you around. 

It’s Joel. He snuck up behind you, you hadn’t heard, and he’s right in front of you now, pinning you between the car and his body, surrounding you entirely. He lifts a hand, cups your cheek, and kisses you. It happens so fast you let out a whimper of surprise – directly into his mouth, but he swallows it down, and cradles you so gently, but still firm. Resolute. I’m not letting you go.

When he pulls back, you notice his cheeks are flushed, ever so slightly. It makes you wonder what you could do to see them get even redder. Your arms have found their way to rest on his shoulders, and you’re boxed in, the handle to your car door digging into your ass. Without a word, just a cheeky grin, he retreats to the passenger's side of the car and gets inside. 

You settle in the driver's seat beside him, and he looks over at you. “Hope that was okay, I couldn’t wait…” he says, almost apologetically. “But I was tryin’ all night to be good.”

“Yeah, well….not much use in that anymore,” you tilt your head. “Do you want to….hang out at my place?”

“Yeah, we can ‘hang out’ at your place,” Joel quips.

Scoffing in mock offense, you offer a retort. “What would you rather me have said? Come over for a nightcap? That’s a little cliche.”

He grimaces, as if he’s in agreement. You continue. “Or would you rather I be more direct? Joel, why don’t you come over so we can have sex?”

That makes him laugh, loudly, and it’s such a warm, comforting sound, you wish you could find a way to capture it and hear it over and over again. “Oh, is that what’s going to happen?” he asks. 

“Guess we’ll find out,” You shrug, trying to play it off, in case you overstepped. Then you focus on putting the keys in the ignition without fumbling. 

It’s not a long drive back to your place, but Joel seems determined to make sure it feels like it is. Either that, or he’s trying to get you to cause an accident. First his hand is resting on the back of your neck, brushing through the hair at the base of your skull. Then it’s on your shoulder, his thumb pressing into your taut muscles. You actually have to bite your tongue so you don’t moan. It’s not even sexual, really, but it just feels good to be touched, especially by him.

Eventually, you hit a stoplight, and while you’re waiting, his hand continues to wander…and comes to rest just above your knee. His hands are fucking huge, first of all, which maybe you’ve noticed before, and there are a few scars and scratches on the backs of his knuckles. It's the weight of it, the warmth of it, the way he’s settled it so casually like it’s nothing – like it belongs there, and he doesn’t even have to ask. Of course he doesn’t. And the confidence, the cockiness. It feels like someone’s taken an arrow to the pit of your stomach, and something thick and hot starts curling down, down, down….

You swallow hard, and he’s looking at you. He doesn’t speak right away, just stares, something dark and unfamiliar in his eyes. 

“I hope I’m doing alright,” voice raspy, low, but still smooth as ever.

Shaking your head, you’re able to surface just enough over the haze of arousal. “You want a performance review?” you tease, giving a small smile. “We should hold off on that until later…” 

That makes Joel laugh again, your stomach flips, and his thumb begins to stroke your kneecap, his fingers kneading into the soft flesh, inching forward to clasp farther inward, nearly grabbing at you, squeezing. The only thing separating his skin from your own is a thin pair of stockings that end dangerously close to where his hand is working. If he finds out that he’s just a few centimeters away from meeting bare skin, you’re afraid of what could happen.

“Joel,” you warn.

“What?” he asks, voice light and innocent.

“You’re distracting me.” 

“You want me to stop?”

No. The light turns green, and you have to hold back the impulse to break every traffic law if it means you’ll get to have him just a second sooner. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“--my room is–” Joel cuts you off with another searing kiss, and it takes a second before you can conjure the self control to pull away again to finish the thought. “--down the hall.” 

“Yeah?” 

He’s got you crowded back against the entry closet of your house, hovering over you, one of his hands bracing itself beside your head, and the other slowly dragging down your body, his lips following….moving down your neck. 

“Uh-huh,” you barely can get it out between strangled gasps for air. 

And then he’s hooking his hands behind your knees. “Are you sure you don’t want, like-” Joel lifts you, and you lock your legs around his torso. “An amaretto or something?”

“No,” he’s gripping on to you so tightly it hurts, but you don’t mind. 

“I could put on….a record-”

“No,” he repeats, and you’re being carried down the hall. 

You hadn’t expected him to pounce on you the instant that you came in through the garage door. Not that you minded. It’s just that usually you’d play it a bit more coy. You’d set the mood, light a candle, have a chat. But, you suppose you don’t need to do anything to get you in the mood. You’re already there. 

Joel’s mouth never separates from you, not until you’re in your room. He’s so sure of himself, you think he might be the type to throw you into the mattress, climb on top of you and rip at the zipper on the back of your dress. But he doesn’t. You’re laid down delicately, like you’re made of glass, and he’s being careful not to break you. 

He weaves his thumb and forefinger around both your wrists, then pulls them up so they’re pinned above your head. This way, you’re completely at his mercy. When he lowers himself between your legs, and you feel the weight of his body pressed against you, you groan, fighting against the restraint, desperate to touch him. So you do the best you can and wrap your stocking-clad feet around his waist, trying to get some leverage, to bring him closer.

“Just wanna take my time with you, darlin’,” he murmurs softly, like he can read your mind. You’re starting to think he can – how else can he be so irresistible on his own accord?

Joel makes good on his promise. With you all docile beneath him, he takes the opportunity to kiss every inch of exposed skin available – even though you’re still fully clothed. Each press of his lips has you breathing unevenly – sighing, then gasping, then sharp, short inhales. When he finds a particularly sensitive spot on your neck, you can’t help but giggle and quirm. 

Joel huffs in response, releasing you from his hold, and he tilts his head to whisper in your ear. “Do you have any idea how much I like hearing that? Knowing it’s because of me?” Immediately, you lower your hands to cup his cheeks, to regard him. He can’t be serious. 

“You’re too sweet,” you mutter. 

“So are you,” he answers, and ducks his head to return to your neck. “So sweet, and so fucking pretty, too…” His hands begin wandering, one of them cupping your breast, thumb finding a peaked nipple even through the fabric of your dress and your bra. The words he’s saying are too much, you’ll do anything to make him shut up, arching your back so you can feel him – already hard – against your clothed core. 

“Joel-” 

“God, I want to see you-fuck!” he pulls back, rolls you over, and you shift your weight so he has access to the dress’ zipper at your side. He makes quick work of it, and brings you to a seated position, helping you remove it all the way before kissing you again, then abruptly stopping. He wants you so badly….but he’s trying to savor the moment. “Let me look at you for a second.”

He takes you in, the stockings you’re wearing and the matching set of black lace you’d picked out beforehand. Of course, you’d thought about this. You always did for occasions like this, but Joel had stumped you. What would he like? This….was pretty understated, but he seemed like a salt-of-the earth guy. Not what you were used to. It probably wouldn’t make a difference whether or not you were in full-on lingerie. And even if you knew he wouldn’t care, you still had wanted to impress him. All the more reason to try.

“This for me?” he asks, hooking his finger on the inside of your stockings and snapping the elastic. 

“Yeah,” you nod, honest. “I want you, Joel.” And there’s more to it, too. You’ve thought about just how badly for months. It kept you up at night, then helped you fall asleep when you couldn’t shake his image from your head. For now, you are going to keep that to yourself. But it doesn’t mean it’s not gonna slip out. Not when he’s looking at you like this. 

“Yeah?” he says, steps forward, towers over you. “I want you, too, so fuckin’ bad. So fucking pretty, baby,” Dropping back to your elbows, you feel…small. Any other time, you might sit up, try to feel some kind of control, but for whatever reason, you stay where you are.

Joel wasn’t exaggerating when he said he wanted to take his time. It’s frustrating. It’s torture. He worships you, makes sure his mouth is on nearly every part of your body before he finishes undressing you. Your ankles hook over his shoulders, his hands grazing, dragging thin nylon up and off each leg. He kisses your calves, the inside of your knees, your thighs. He uses one hand to unhook your bra and pulls it away. He spends what feels like hours with his mouth on your breasts – sucking, licking, nipping – hands cupping, grabbing, pinning you down. The whole time, he’s telling you how badly he wants you, how pretty you are, how good you’re being for him. He’s either touching you too much, or maybe not enough. It’s hard to say. Only after he’s reduced you to an incoherent, whimpering mess do you somehow find the strength to fight back. 

By this point, you’re lying in the middle of the bed, your leg hooked over his hip, the waistband of his jeans digging into bare skin. He’s still got all his fucking clothes on, which makes everything so much worse, because it’s clear whose in control here, and it’s certainly not you. 

The button of his flannel is where you start, and then you work downward. Joel doesn’t stop you at any point. You think he might, just because of how things have been going. But he’s as easy as you are, and you take him in all the same after you’ve shucked off his jeans, and he’s closer to your state of buff.

To be fair, you’ve spent enough time lingering by the windows – when he’s outside mowing the lawn shirtless, or picking up his newspaper in the morning, or doing workouts in his garage with the door open (such a tease!) – to have an idea of what to expect. He’s not ripped by any means but neither are you – and you’ve never liked that anyways. But it’s not hard to ascertain that he spends all day in the sun, lifting and hauling things around. His muscles are defined, rippling lightly under his skin with each panting breath he takes. Joel’s a spectacle – broad and tan, a line of dark hair dipping from his belly-button down into the waistband of his dark-gray briefs. You can make out the way his cock is straining against the fabric.

Once you’ve appraised him as best as you can – you can see that he’s studying you, almost like he’s anxious, like you might not like what you see. As if he doesn’t know. Ridiculous. You aren’t going to leave him guessing. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Joel,” you shake your head. “You’re a fucking stud.”

Joel’s face breaks out in a grin and he yanks you back so you’re on top of him, legs on either side of his chest. And finally, finally, you can touch him like you’ve been wanting. His skin is warm – it’s kind of hot in your room, you’d forgotten to turn on the A/C, so you’re both a little sweaty. But and it’s unclear if it’s because of the heat or just how worked up you are. It doesn’t matter, because it only turns you on even more. You trace the broad plane of his chest, hand snaking down…all the way to his boxers, but he stops you. 

He’d let you undress him, allowed it, but this…it crosses a line. Joel hooks his hands behind your thighs and begins to drag you up, up, up, while he shifts lower. It takes a second to register what he’s doing, and when it does, you try to stop it.

“Joel, wait I-” 

“I have to taste you darlin’, that okay?” His dark hair is fanned out around his head, resting on your floral pillowcase. In the dim light, his pupils are so blown out you can barely see anything else except black. “I’ll give you whatever you want, but you’ve gotta let me taste you first.”

It’s not that you don’t want it, but he’s taken you off guard, and you’re already overwhelmed by how intimate all this has been, gentle and languid while he whispers honeyed words into your ear. His mind seems already made up, and you don’t really want to tell him no.

“Alright,” you manage, and you grip the top of the headboard. 

It’s embarrassing how wet you already are. It started with his hand on your knee in the car, and you have spent the last hour clenching around nothing, squeezing your legs together and searching for friction. Anything. Well, you are about to get it.

Joel’s lips press to the insides of your thighs, once more, dangerously close to where you’re weeping for him. His nose bumps your clit when he turns his head, and you whine – hips sinking to seek the contact that he’s been denying you, and then immediately pulling back in a moment of clarity.

“No, no,” Joel’s hands immediately land on your hips to hold you in place, bringing you lower. “Stay right there for me.”

You don’t dare move. 

Finally, his mouth finds you. You think he might tease for a little bit, go slow, because he’s been doing that all night, and it’s become infuriating. But he doesn’t. He eats you out, laves at you. A hot, velvet tongue that works up a steady rhythm. It’s interrupted only by the vibration of his moans every so often, which only add to the pleasure. For a moment, you miss how he’d been talking to you before, but you’re so sensitive, so eager, that you think you’ll sacrifice anything if it means he’s not going to stop. Joel keeps you still with a bruising grip on your hips. All you can do is let him have his way and whimper his name over and over, listen to him groan in response. 

Being consistent is key for you. And Joel is nothing but. Practiced, but feral….like he’s been holding back all night. It’s been a long time, or maybe he’s just that excited, it’s hard to tell. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Can’t bring yourself to care about much more than him, the man below you working you over with just his mouth. 

“I’m…Joel, I’m-” you try to pull off again, it’s too much, but he doesn’t allow it. Even if the position he’s in is compromising, he’s managed to find a way to assert himself. The coil inside you has wound so tightly that almost every muscle in your body is tense. Now, can’t even move, not even if you wanted to, and he keeps going, your words have only made him more determined.

The coil snaps. You cry out, using the headboard to stifle your noises – not worried that it will probably leave a mark. If you get nothing else from Joel, then at least it will serve as a reminder that he was here, beneath you, lapping up everything you have to give him. The orgasm leaves you weak, trembling, but he holds you up, works you through it until the waves begin to cease, and then you’re so overstimulated, so sensitive that you start to feel lightheaded. “Fuck, Joel, I can’t-” You tug on his hair, hope he’ll get the hint and release you, but he doesn’t. If anything, it only spurs him on.

His mouth is white hot on you, his tongue damp, firm as it circles your clit and drags downward. He gives you nowhere to go, no opportunity to come down from the high, so within minutes, or seconds – at this point, you’ve lost track of time – he’s worked you up to the precipice of release, and you’re coming again, crying out to him.

At last, he eases off, lets you relax. You do, carefully, and so does he, gradually removing his mouth from you while your hand untangles from his dark curls. Joel holds you steady as he sits back against the headboard, keeping you splayed across his lap. You don’t waste your time saying something stupid like “you didn’t have to do that,” because you’re not gonna pretend you didn’t love every second, but mostly because you’re not sure you’re capable of speaking just yet. His hand catches your jaw, and he looks at you – innocently, like he hadn’t just done what he had done, like his fucking beard, and chin, and lips weren’t still wet with you. But the ornery glint in his eyes gives him away. “You liked that?” he has the audacity to ask. 

A shaky hand comes to pinch your eyebrows as you let out a weak laugh, nodding. “Yeah, Joel….yeah.”

“Good,” he answers. 

“I was right about you,” you manage. 

“Yeah?” He murmurs, and his hand skates up your arm, the other settling on your waist. It’s grounding, reassuring as your heart attempts to steady its beating. 

“You’re trouble.” 

“Yeah,” Joel murmurs, and he leans in close. “Only for you, pretty girl.” 

Your hips jolt back at the term of endearment, so much so that you feel the length of his cock, hard against your ass. It’s your turn to take care of him, but it shouldn’t be difficult, because your arousal is already building again. It’ll be much, much, easier to come again, specifically around him. Plus, right now, you are willing to do just about anything for him. You kiss him, and it’s sloppy, lick the taste of yourself out of his mouth. Heat curls again in the pit of your stomach, and you grind yourself down on him through his underwear.

Joel’s head falls back, bonks the headboard, and the thud of impact is overshadowed by his agonized moan. You reach down between your bodies, let your touch land over his clothed cock. He pants out your name. So many things you could do – with only your hand, or your mouth, but before you can decide, he speaks again.

“Wanna be inside you,” he grits out. “So fucking bad.” 

“You don’t want me to-”

“No,” he cuts you off. “No, no. I need you.”

“You can have me,” you nod, leaning forward to kiss his neck, pushing down the elastic of his underwear. Joel lets you, his hips stuttering, until he freezes. “Shit.” He reaches out to halt your movements.

You look up, his eyes are wide. “What is it?”

“I’m sorry, I uh, I left my wallet in the car,” Joel’s voice is pinched, palms leaving your body to press against his eyes, frustrated. “I brought condoms, but they’re - I’ll have to go get them.”

“I have some,” you pipe up, nodding towards your bedside table. Joel reaches for it, but it's your turn to stop him. “But I mean, I’m clean,” you say. “...And I have an IUD, so…” 

Joel pauses, stares at you under thick lashes. “You sure that…” So tentative. “....That’s okay with you?” 

You feel yourself smirk a little as you look at him. It’s not something you’d allow anyone to do. But you’re feeling a little lost in the moment. The part of your brain that usually tells you to run for the hills whenever things get too real has turned off. It’s not the first time he’s caused that, and you sort of enjoy the delusion. There’s no question. It’s Joel.  “Oh, yeah.”

The words ignite something in him that you weren’t entirely prepared for, and he’s pulling you hard against his mouth with one hand, while the other pushes his briefs down the rest of the way. You don’t get the chance to see him, to feel him, before he’s lining himself up with your slick cunt. 

It’s a soft glide of sensitive skin across sensitive skin, and you shake with anticipation. You don’t even know you have your eyes closed, focusing on the sensation, until you hear Joel’s voice. 

“Open your eyes,” he commands. “Please just-” he swallows hard. “I wanna watch you. So fucking pretty.” 

You obey, and he guides your hand to replace your own. It’s not until your hand wraps around him that you’re aware of just how thick his cock is, throbbing and leaking, and it makes you all the more eager. Slowly, you start to sink down, but it’s too challenging to take him all at once. So first, just the tip, you roll back to ease the sting, then gradually sink lower and low. 

Joel moves closer to you, holding his breath, guiding you along, propped back against the pillows. “That’s it, so fucking good, baby…”

You understand why he was moving so languidly earlier. This is meant to be enjoyed. After some time, and lots of praise, your hips settle flush with his own, and he’s seated fully inside of you. It’s a delicious stretch that your body isn’t fully ready to accommodate, but it has your toes curling and mouth hanging open, bearing down on him involuntarily. Under Joel’s watchful gaze you feel terribly, terribly exposed. 

“Keep going,” Joel encourages. So you move. It’s experimental at first, small ruts against him, getting used to the way it feels. It doesn’t take you long to find the spot that makes you abandon eye contact, throw your head back, and –

“Oh, Joel.”

“Yeah?” he asks, and he sounds strained, pinched – he’s holding back, but still enjoying every second. “That feel good?”

You nod furiously. He lets you find a rhythm that works for you, lets you take your time, and once you do, he starts to match your pace. His hands don’t stay in one place for very long. First, they’re resting gently on your ass. Then they’re cupping your tits, watching them bounce as they sway with your movements. He brings his knees up behind you, pressing his feet into the bed, and uses the leverage to fuck himself deeper each time you lower yourself onto him. 

At this point, you’re unaware of what types of noises you must be making, and you’re thankful that you’re alone so you can be as loud as you want. His cock is hitting places inside you that you didn’t know existed, and rolling across the same spot over and over and over. 

“You feel so perfect for me,” Joel says, his jaw clenched, his chest rising and falling. “So, so good, baby, so fucking pretty.” 

“Mm-hmm,” is all you can answer, nodding furiously and feeling yourself grow wetter and wetter with every thrust. 

You’re too easy for him. And you were too worked up to begin with. “Joel, I can’t-”

He slams his hips up into yours so hard you cut yourself off with a choked gasp. Then he does it again. “You gonna come for me?” he asks. “I can feel you, baby, I know it’s close.” 

“Y-yeah,” he’s got you stammering on your words. You’re clamping down onto him so tightly it hurts. But you’re so desperate to come, to feel what it’ll do to him, that you don’t stop.

“Come here,” he murmurs, hands around your waist, pulling you down so your lips are nearly touching. “Stay close to me.”

“Oh, fuck, oh-” The warmth of his body so close to yours, your hands bracing themselves on his chest, the comfort of his arms around you, all coupled with one vicious rut of his hips has you right there. Joel tilts your head back just enough so you’re forced to look directly at him – and then you come undone. 

You want to close your eyes, turn your head, but you’ve got nowhere to go, and he’s right in front of you. Joel’s touch slides up your back, draws you even closer, and you ride out your third orgasm of the night while pressed entirely against his chest, forced to be vulnerable in a way you’ve never been with anyone before. “So good, baby, so good. Such a good fuckin’ girl for me,” he praises you through it, works you through it, until you’re all but melted in his arms, and he still hasn’t pulled his eyes away.

Utterly spent, you know, distantly, somewhere, that he has to come. However, Joel takes over, flips you both so you’re underneath him, and presses himself deep into the cradle of your pelvis. He’s heavy on top of you, but the weight is somehow soothing.

“I thought about you,” you murmur, hoping it’ll help. His jaw is set, solely focused on his own release. “How good you’d feel.”

“Fuck, really?” he grunts. “I-I- did too.”

“Yeah?” you ask, feeling flush at the admission. “I thought about….letting y-you use me.”

Joel groans your name, curses loudly, ruts into you even harder. You can feel him throbbing, so fucking close, and you arch yourself up to meet him, pleasure already building again, even though you thought it wasn’t possible. 

“It’s so much better, Joel, you’re so much better–” 

Than I imagined. But you don’t have to finish the thought. The idea of you, thinking of him, seems to be enough as it is, and you feel him pulsing, warmth blooming and spreading out as he groans, throws his head back and spills himself impossibly deep inside you. If you weren’t utterly spent, the feeling of him coming – and nothing between you, probably would have set you off again. For now, it’s enough.

His whole body goes limp as he relaxes his arms from where they’re braced on either side of you, his head falling into the crook of your neck. You hear him take a few, haggard breaths once it’s over, and then a deep chuckle vibrates in your ear. “Fuck, baby.”

You rub his shoulder lightly to soothe him, and his lips find the underside of your jaw, kissing lightly his beard scratching your cheeks. For an undetermined amount of time, he remains there. Normally, you’d probably check his watch, but you’ve noticed that the one he always wears is broken, and really….you feel content.

Finally, Joel pulls away, cursing under his breath and withdrawing from you. He runs his hand through his hair, and flops on his back by your side, and you feel horribly empty. After he’s cupped your cheek, turning you gently to look at him – he gives you a tender, affectionate smile. 

It hits you like a freight train. 

He was not the type of man you dated. The men you dated liked to slap, choke, withhold. That had always been what you’d gotten off to. The more frenzied, the more impersonal – the better. That wasn’t to say Joel hadn’t been passionate. But you’d never experienced anything like this before.

You tear away from his gaze, focus on the ceiling. Heart pounding, threatening to break through your ribs, you feel your mouth dry up, your eyes burn and fuck – you’re about to cry. Try to turn yourself away from him, but he sees it. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just uh-” your voice catches on the lump forming in the back of your throat and cracks audibly, raw. 

“Hey– ” you hear the mattress shift, he’s moving closer, and you start to scramble. You’ve gotta leave. Get to the bathroom, compose yourself. “Where are you goin?”

“Joel, I just need to-” but his hand circles your wrist, and you don’t have the power to resist him. The bones of his hand press firmly in your cheek, turning your head so you have to look at him. There are tears in your eyes.  

“What’s wrong, baby? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Up close you can see that his eyes aren’t brown – they’re hazel. Mesmerizing, long lashes – gold and green rimming his irises. How had you not noticed that before? 

“No, no not at all it was just…” you’re talking so fast, not even sure where you’re going with the sentence. “I’m sorry, I liked it I just-I don’t know,” you stutter. Shaking your head, you cover your face. You don’t want to feel this way with him here. “I’m not used to-” 

Joel, who has never seen you at a loss for words, frowns, draws you against him. “Come here.”

“It’s okay,” he lets you press your face just below his jaw. He’s being so soft, it makes everything that much worse. Tears slip down your cheeks, landing on his skin. He strokes your hair, holds you so tightly, firmly, "It was intense, huh?” 

You want to resent the way he’s speaking to you – like you’re a child who fell off her bike and skinned her knee, and not a grown ass woman realizing how disconnected she’s felt with every other partner until now. But unfortunately, it’s kind of working. You murmur an affirmation in response. ”I’ve got you, it’s okay,” he promises. 

He holds you until the tide of emotion swells, settles, lips against your temple, his fingertips tracing up and down your spine, and gives you the time to compose yourself.

“That was really nice, I promise,” you say, eventually. And then, because he’s been so gracious, you’re honest. “It’s just been…a long time…” Forever, really. “Since I felt…”

“I know,” Joel nods. “Me too. It’s alright.” 

“Yeah,” you bob your head. He holds your face reverently, and pulls you in for a chaste kiss before tucking you back against his chest. You close your eyes, nestle against him. He strokes your hair while you listen to the steady beat of his heart.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The next thing you know, you’re being gently shaken awake. Somehow, you’d fallen asleep. 

“Hey, baby,” Joel murmurs softly. 

“Mmm?” you groan in response, exhaustion clinging to your limbs. 

“I’m sorry, I gotta get going.” 

You scoff into his neck and make a noise of protest, still not entirely roused, he’d woken you too delicately. When he speaks, his lips brush against your forehead, hands still tracing up and down the lines of your body and making you shiver. “I told Sarah and Tommy I’d be home by midnight.”

“Right,” you mutter, finding the strength to push yourself off of him and stretch. Joel sits up, very tentatively releasing you from his grip. 

“I’m sorry I had to wake you, I can see myself out.”

“No, no,” you shake your head. “No, please. Do you need anything?”

“Can I use your bathroom?” 

“Of course,” you point towards the ensuite. 

Joel collects his discarded clothes off the bed, then the floor, and disappears. You hear the sink running, watch the shuffling shadows he casts in the crack below the door. While he’s doing that, you slip into your robe and run your fingers through your hair, taking in the disheveled state of your bed, before deciding to clean up in the extra bathroom down the hall.

On your way back, you run into Joel, who looks better than ever, tanned skin glowing, a soft smile on his face. “Hey,” he says. 

“Hey.” 

“This was nice. I had a really good time.” 

“Me too.”

“Will you…” he trails off, rubs his jaw. “Will you be okay? I don’t want to-”

“I’m fine,” you say, dismissively. “I just had a moment.”

“You sure?”

“Of course.” Joel studies you carefully, and you’re prompted to continue. “I promise. Joel. This was nice.”

“It was,” he grins. “I’d like to see you again.” 

“Me too,” you don’t even think before you answer, despite everything. It surprises you, how willing you suddenly are.

“Good.” He kisses you, slow and lingering. “I’ll give you a call.” 

“Okay.”

-

part vi

taglist: @yaskna@venomous-ko@lomljigg@yeehawbitchs@ay0nha @eldahae @lol-im-done@melancholicmelanin@reggies-floatie @omniscientqueer@superflymaterial@mikkorantanev@zbeez-outlet @nadja-antipaxos @strawberri-blonde @jabbajambler @ponyboys-sunsets @kyuupidwrites @r4efromvenus @loveatfirstsight-atlastsight @korianderbandit @nicoleoeoeoe @hotgirlsshareaccounts @madisonred88 @crustyrustydusty @sflame15-blog @issybee0611 @darkemeralddiamond @grandmana @totallynotastanacc @ay0nha @virgogaia @lunarxeclipse @marysucks-blog @jabbajambler @surazim @naiomiwinchester @raindrcpsangel @dorotheapascal @mythical-mushrooms13 @chernayawidow

[yelenasdiary]

Come Closer

Pairing: Military! Yelena Belova x Fem! Nurse! Reader

Summary: After returning from deployment, Yelena’s closest friend, Kate convinces her to join her on vacation in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, where she finally talks to somebody she’s seen a few times before.

Angst | Fluff | Mentions of War | Mentions of Drinking | PTSD | 1.6K |  

AC: Yes, I am biased towards Rio, let me have this one!! & This is lightly inspired by the song, Come Close by Omah Lay. Enjoy x

The loud sound of samba music filled the city of Rio de Janeiro as the public came together as one to celebrate the popular and color event of carnival. Kate Bishop, Yelena's best friend dragged the blonde on vacation in hopes it would cheer up the soldier after a rough few months away from deployment. 

"Are you sure you're not coming?" Kate asked with an almost disappointed pout. Her friend looked up from her phone and nodded, "yeah, I don't think the large crowd will be good for me. I'm just going to take a walk along the beach and grab a drink at a bar, but you have fun" Yelena smiled, seeing the disappointment in Kate's eyes. 

"Carnival is one of the biggest events here, you can't miss it!" Kate tried to convince the young blonde, "there will be plenty of things to keep you distracted! Music, dancing, the parade, drinks!" she added. Yelena chuckled kindly at the gesture of her friend's enthusiasm about the popular carnival, "I'm sure, besides, I just got rid of a headache so I think some fresh, ocean air will do me some good" Yelena assured the brunette, "but I will walk with you to the taxi" Yelena added as she stood from the hotel room sofa. 

"I'll wait for you" Kate smiled in reply. 

----

Yelena walked Kate to her taxi before making her way to the famous, Copacabana beach. The night was lit up by streetlights along with passing cars, restaurants and cafes that were open till late for the week. The sound of the waves crashing against the shoreline brought a calmness to Yelena as she wandered along the path, admiring the sights of Rio as she passed by many carnival goers. 

Colorful lights could be seen from a distance as the famous carnival made its presence known with the loud music washing through the city. A smile tugged at Yelena's lips when she realized how free the people of Rio were during this time, how happy and excited everybody was made her appreciate her time here just a little more. After a while, Yelena stopped at and made herself comfortable at one of the beach bars. 

"What can I get you?" you asked the blonde with a soft, welcoming smile. Yelena's eyes slightly shot open at the sight of you, she smiled lightly and replied, "two shots of vodka, please". 

"You know, you're the only person I've seen tonight that isn't dressed up for carnival" you spoke as you poured two shot glasses of vodka. Yelena chuckled, "Yeah, I don't think it's really my scene right now" she replied with a pause, "I just got back from deployment" she added after a few short moments of silence before downing her first shot. 

"Well, in that case, here, it's on the house" you smiled softly and poured her a third shot and slid it over to her. The blonde looked familiar to you but you couldn't quite put your finger on it, her beautiful green eyes were filled with worry and sadness, a look you'd seen one too many times before. Yelena downed her second shot before letting out a light sigh when some of the street goers let off illegal fireworks. 

Gently, you placed a hand over the hand Yelena had resting on the bar, "it's okay" you spoke softly as your thumb stroked over her soft skin. She looked up at you and nodded ever so lightly as she tried to drain out the few moments of loud banging. Once the fireworks were over, you looked up at the time. You only had 5 minutes left of your shirt before somebody would come and take over your spot. 

"Do you want to go somewhere a bit quieter?" you asked the young soldier. 

Yelena downed the third shot and shook her head, "it's okay, I'll be okay but thank you. You're working and I don't want to bother you" she replied. 

"I wouldn't offer if I thought you would bother me" you smiled softly. There was a moment of silence between the two of you before you spoke once more, "I'm a nurse for the military". 

The information made Yelena tilt her head slightly, "that's where I have seen you" she spoke, "you saved one of my buddies life" she added. Suddenly the memory of when you first laid eyes on her came back to you. "Yelena, right?" you smiled softly, she nodded, "I never caught your name that day" she replied. 

"Yelena, you were distressed which is very understandable! How is Oksana?" 

"She's great, she got married and has adopted a baby girl. She lives out on a farm now" 

A smile formed on your lips at the news of one of the many soldiers you'd saved, "I'm really glad to hear that. Most times, we just patch you all up and maybe we'll see you again and other times we never hear about you again, so, it's really nice to know she's doing well" you explained. 

Right on time, your co-worker entered the small street bar and gave you a pat on the back to give the good to go. You took off your work apron and placed it on the door behind the door before you turned to look at Yelena again. Her eyes widened as she took in your figure, under your apron you wore a very colorful outfit for the special occasion. A long skirt that had 4 main colors along with a very tropical print. Orange, yellow, pink and green that was covered with a floral design. Your top was orange and matched the skirts floral design. 

"So, what's your plans for the evening?" you asked Yelena, snapping her out of her thoughts. 

"I was just going to have a couple more drinks and head back to my hotel room and wait for my friend to come back" she replied with honesty. You shook your head, "come on, you're in Rio! The party city, come on, you're with me tonight" you smiled before walking out from behind the bar. Yelena saw she didn't have much choice and stood up from her stool, although she was very interested in where you'd be taking her.

----

You took Yelena to a place that had an amazing view of the city, away from the crowds and far enough for the loud music and sounds of carnival to be faded to a distance but the gentle samba music of street festivals traveled up the hill to remind you both that you weren't alone. "So, if you're a nurse, why do you bar tend?" Yelena asked, breaking the shortly lived silence between the two of you. 

"It's something different, I've travelled to many different places to just be a bartender, I love meeting all types of people and hearing their stories. You'd be surprised what you get told as a bartender" you chuckled, "After the things we see, it's hard to find something that takes your mind off it" you added. 

"You find that bartending takes your mind off it all?" Yelena questioned. 

"Yeah, I mean, with times like this, carnival, everybody is happy and excited. It's refreshing to come home from where we go to a place like this. You're not thinking about what you saw or heard, you're in the moment here. I'm a bartender here, at home, I am nurse of war." You explained. Another moment of silence was shared, it wasn't awkward but more comforting. 

"You're right, it is nice here. Maybe I have been a little closed off to the idea of letting myself have fun" Yelena spoke, her eyes dropping to her feet. "Start now" you stood from the bench with your hand reaching for Yelena to take. She looked up at you, her eyes traveling from your feet to your eyes, taking in the beauty that stood before her but with regret, she shook her head. 

"Why not?" you asked. 

"I don't want to hurt you" Yelena admitted, "everything beautiful I see somehow turns to darkness" she adds. You kneeled down in front of her, looking into her eyes, "you're living inside of your head" you replied, "try living in the moment. Look around you, there's no danger, you can't hurt me" you add. 

Yelena took a moment to let your words process as she looked at her surroundings, she'd been so closed off that she began to believe what she saw when away was something that would follow her even when she was in the comfort of her own home. You could see she was thinking, thinking too much at that. Gently, you brushed a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear, "trust me, it's okay" you spoke softly, breaking her train of thought before you carefully took her hands into yours and pulled her up from the bench. 

She smiled so softly that if you blinked, you would've missed it. You guided her hands to your hips when you heard the street festival music getting slightly louder. Yelena looked into your eyes, "just go with it" you whispered before you led her into dance. Moving your body along with hers, you soon felt her relax and move more freely with you and eventually, she smiled. Her eyes sparkled with the streetlights as she pulled you closer to her, she felt confidence and for the first time tonight, you saw she had no worries in the world. 

The two of you simply just danced as the street parade passed by and faded into a distant sound when Yelena stopped her movements and lost herself in your eyes. "Thank you" she spoke, breaking the silence between you both. 

"You're welcome" you smiled softly.

Taglist: @red1culous | @bentleywolf29 | @jeyramarie | @lissaaaa145 | @high--power | @parkerdaramitzzzz | @mmmmokdok | @wackymcstupid | @kiwiana145 | @valiantmugcowboyscissors | @observeowl  | @nattyolw | @ripofflizzie | @get-the-fuck-outta-here | @goofy-goonie | @makegoodchoices | @apollo2907 | @marvelfan98 | @wandaroman0ff | @dumb-fawkin-bitch | @lovelyy-moonlight | @santana1437 | @fluffyblanketgecko | @puta1 | @inluvwithfictionalwomen | @tintedrose12 | @jaymieflorissssssss | @tita001 | @youralphawolf72 | @crescent-witch | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @natashamaximoff69 | @a-dorkier-book-keeper | @hehehehannahthings | @secrettoallofyou | @romantic-slaps-on-the-asss | @marvel-fan-2021 | @mmmmokdok |  @riveramorylunar | @ripofflizzie | @toldthatdevil | @itsmv3 | @katiemay-025 | @maria-403 | @boredandneedfanfics | @wandamaximoffspuppup | 

[imagine-silk]

Fallout characters reacting to Sole who (with the Ghoulish/Solar Powered Perks) are practically immune to all radiation, and maybe that perhaps they learn this when they step in apprehensively into the Glowing Sea with them and notice they don't need a rad suit or anything to fight those rads? (Thank you for what you do!!)

》It's such a big flex out in the wasteland. Imagine the world's biggest threat not applying to you.

【Cait】 "Ya eat lead too?"

She doesn't believe you until you're walking around the Glowing Sea unfazed. Is she jealous? Yes. Is she going to make that your problem? Not really. Other than demanding chems to get rid of the problem she keeps on going. The faster you are the faster you leave.

【Codsworth】 "Oh! That's new."

You weren't like that before. Not that he's complaining, any advantage you have is fully condoned by him. As long as you're alright he has no issue with it. Besides, he likes the fact he's also not effected by it so he can go with you in these places.

【Curie】 "Marvelous!"

She immediately starts identifying why you are like this and reinforces her body accordingly. She will do further test just to be sure she's right but other than that she won't ask much.

【Danse】 "Good thing I have power armor."

Unlike most synths, his resistance to radiation is nonexistent. He was made to blend in with the masses. But he kept his armor/ got a new armor and there's always rad-away.

【Deacon】 "I can do that too."

He can't, but he hides it very well. You won't see the symptoms of radiation poisoning so whether or not you believe him is up to you. He will complain about the green everywhere though.

【Hancock】 "How come you get to keep your smooth skin? I feel cheated."

It's all in good fun. He knows if he stays in radiation too long he'll go feral but he does like the idea he can tolerate it more than any of your human companions. Might even stick his tongue out at them as you leave with him.

【MacCready】 "You wanna share that superpower with me?"

He's annoyed to put it mildly. Why did you ask him to come out with you to the waking sea? Just wanna show off? He still needs to take rad-away and radX. Next time take someone who can go into radiation no problem. He says all that but will always follow you into the Glowing Sea.

【Nick】 "That's one less thing to worry about."

He constantly worries over your well-being. You need to do so much he doesn't; eat, sleep, and drink to name a few. He decides not to question the development because he doesn't want to jinx it, like if he found out it would be taken away.

【Piper】 "And here I thought vault dwellers would shrivel up and die at the color green."

She laughs at the idea more than she asks questions about why you're like that. She figures you just got tolerate over time on the surface. That being said, she tells Nat and immediately starts a rumor you were some sort of superhero before the bombs.

【Preston】 "I can't imagine what happened that allowed you to do that."

He's relieved, impressed, and tired all at the same time. At some point he just learned you're going to defy every rule he knows and to let it go when that happens. Would it be nice to have your plot convenience? Yes. Will he ever tell you that? No.

【X6-88】 "It is assuring you can handle this endeavor."

He was made to handle the surface, radiation has no effect on him. Not that he would like to test it or spend any unnecessary time in the Glowing Sea.

【Travis Miles】 "You kind of seem impossible. I-I mean that as a good thing."

After everything he's seen of you he can't imagine anything could kill you, radiation included. Still there is a fine line between impressing him and scaring him and you seem to use that line like a God damn jump rope.

[that-one-gay-aew-enthusiast]

𝚁𝚎𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚝 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝 - 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚜 "𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚛" 𝙱𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚢

＿＿＿＿＿＿｡o*★*o｡＿＿＿＿＿＿

Warnings: None Word count: 1.4k Genre: fluff Summary: After being seperated for 10 years, a certain lizard brings you and trapper back together, leading to quite the reunion Pairings: kaiju trainer!reader x kaiju vet!trapper A/n: In this story the reader is someone who works in hollow earth to maintain the kaijus and ensure they all "play nice" ,it sounds weird, but just go with it pls ( Also decided to start my dan fics with Trapper since I think there is practically no apprication of him on here so here we are)

＿＿＿＿＿＿｡o*★*o｡＿＿＿＿＿＿

For 5 years now, you had been working down in beautiful hollow earth. After Dr. Andrews discovered that you were somehow able to tame any animal, including ones that are 100 ft tall, she hired you immediately. You grew a close bond with a lot of the animals in hollow earth, but your favourites had always been kong and godzilla. After coming together and being rid of skar king, the two became like playful children. They often play fought with each other, never intentionally hurting each other ,but accidents did occasionally happen of course. Normally you would have a vet called Jack come down to tend to them. However, after discovering he wasn't giving the kaijus the right treatment, Illene fired him.

It had been 7 months since jack got fired ,none of the animals had sustained injury thankfully, that was until kong and godzilla were playing, and kong managed to puncture zilla's arm with his reinforced tooth. You reported the injury uo to the lab on the surface, and were ensured the vet would be sent down as soon as possible. You still hadn't met, or even been told anything about this newly hired vet, all you knew was that he had been the one that fitted kongs tooth. For whatever reason, Illene always insisted that "You wouldn't know him." You left it at that and accpeted you would just meet him when the time arrived.

You were sat on a ledge with the large lizard sat in front of you whimpering and growling occasionally. You rubbed the top of his head. "It's gonna be alright buddy, Im sure this vet will be just lovely." You smiled as he looked up at you and gave a dismissive huff. You chuckled, before watching a yellow air craft fly round the corner and land behind you on the ledge. You patted zilla's head and got up, jogging over to the door waiting for it to open. Once it did, you watch Illene and Jia step out, followed by a man in a green flying suit and sunglasses. Jia hugged you as you stared at the man, there was something about him, you could of sworn you knew this man.

"Y/n? y/n are you ok?" You broke out of your trance, stopped staring at the man before turning to Illene who was now looking at you concerned. "Yes yes, I'm fine Dr Andrews." She nodded still looking slightly concerned as you looked at the ground. "Right then, where's this big lizard." He had an austrailian accent, another thing you reconised. You led the man over to where godzilla was sat, and let him start working as you sat with Illene and Jia. "Dr Andrews I swear I reconise him, what's his name?" Illene watched him work. "He's called Travis Beasley." You froze. "W-what did you just say?" Illene showed you his work profile."Travis Beasly, he's certainly an odd one, you wouldn't believe how much he changed from high school." Oh but you would.

*Flashback*

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Trapper was being sent to another university. You had known Trapper since the two of you were 5 years old. The both of you had just confessed deeper feelings for each other. But now you being forced apart because his father was directing him into a new career path. You sunk to your knees, feeling tears fill your eyes. "N-no you can't leave Trapper, I love you, I might never see you again, I can't live with that, I can't!" He came down to your level, his eyes as wet as yours. "I know sweetheart I know It's not fair, but I don't have a choice." He pulled you into his chest, rubbing your back ,trying to not get any more emotional. You cried into his chest before he pulled you back gently and planted his lips on yours. You tangled your fingers into his chocolate brown hair, holding his face against ,not wanting the kiss to end, you knew what happened when it did.

*End of Flashback*

Trapper had about finished on godzilla for the moment and walked back over. "Well providing he doesn't get into any more biting matches with kong, he should be fine." Trapper removed his glasses to clean them and looked up, seeing you stood up now, tears brimming your eyes with the setting sun framing you. He tilted his head slightly confused, before your broken voice spoke. "Trapper?" His face quickly melt from one of confusion to one of captivation. Slowly he walked towards you, taking in your details as you did the same to him. Only one person in the world had that nickname for him. As the two of you came to be inches apart, you looked into his eyes. "I-i thought I'd never see you again trapper-" Before you could even finish your sentence, Trapper held your face between his hands and kissed you deeply.

You didn't hesitate to kiss back, as the both of you slowly sank to your knees, never breaking the kiss. Your hands found their way into his dirty blonde waves as tears spilled from both yours and his eyes. Eventually you pulled out of the kiss for a breath, smiling through the tears as Trapper pushed your hair out of your face. "I can't believe it's really you sweetheart, you look so different." You gave a small broken chuckle as you sniffled back tears. It was true, both of you looked practically unreconisable to each other. You had gone from a quiet nerdy girl that wore 2 buns, to keep her curly blonde hair out of the way, to a woman with tattoos, black and purple hair and glasses. Trapper however had gone from a short ,skinny boy with ratty brown hair, to a tall, muscular man with his sandy blonde waves. His personality hadn't changed of course, he had always been the loveable ,music-loving and laid back australian you'd always known.

Illene informed you both that she was taking Jia back up to the surface. You nodded ensuring Trapper could stay in your home in hollow earth for a while. You both watched as the air craft flew away, before slowly starting to make your way through the trees, to your penthouse type home. All whilst chatting to each other and catching up on your differing paths, after being seperated. Once you got home, You offered Trapper a coffee. He nodded sitting down and you made his coffee, remembering every little detal his had for coffee.

You sat down with him and set the drink down. "I just can't believe it's actually you." He smiled pulling you onto his lap and resting his forehead agaisnt yours. "Then it's a good thing I'm here to make you believe isn't it sweetheart." You held back tears and kissed him again. The kiss was full of passion, not in a sexy way, more in an extreme display of affection way. Trapper held your sides, gently squeezing them. You pulled back. "How about you sleep here tonight, I must say, the views from the bedroom are a sight to behold." He grinned at you and stood up, throwing you over his shoulder. You giggled as he headed to the open bedroom door and placed you down on the bed, before taking a seat behind you, shoes off of course.

Trapper wrapped his arms round you and rested his chin on your shoulder. "Y/n?" You hummed in reposnse, watching the sun settting over hollow earth through the glass doors at the other end of the bedroom. "Can I stay here with you permenantly?" You turned and looked at him. "Trapper being down here is a full time gig y'know? Not to mention sometimes dangerous, I couldn't forgive myself if something happend to you." He smiled holding your face. "And I couldnt forgive myself if we got seperated again sweetheart. Besides if you can be down here all by yourself, Im sure I'll be able to live down here with you." You gave him a sweet smile, before smacking his chest playfully. "You dork!" He chuckled holding you. "You mean, Your dork?" You giggled as the two of you layed down to cuddle, the sun setting fully over hollow earth for the day.

[doe-eyed-fool]

Prey | Chapter Eighteen

Alastor x Fem!Reader

As Alastor promised, the "mess" downstairs was swiftly taken care of. It was as if it never happened in the first place. You figured because of Alastor's many years of "experience" that he'd be use to efficiently getting rid of any evidence. However, he was a little too efficient...

Last night, after you had cleaned yourself and dressed for the night, Alastor stayed with you until you were in bed. At that point, he left you momentarily to take care of things. It didn't even take him an hour. It didn't even take him half and hour...

He returned to you, and not a spot of blood could be seen anywhere on his clothes. You were much too exhausted to dwell on it for long, but the next day, you couldn't help but wonder. How did Alastor do that so quickly, and seemingly without any mess. 

"I'll be off then." 

Speak of the devil...

From the living room sofa, you looked over to see Alastor ready to leave the house to go to work. Before he reached for the door, you stopped him. 

"Alastor?" 

He looked over to you. "Yes?" You knew this would be violating the agreement you both had, but you were just too curious. And besides. You already knew he was a murderous cannibal, how would knowing about how he disposes of the remains make things any worse? 

"Last night, you took care of J-" You pause. "That, mess, rather fast. You didn't look worn out, there were no blood stains on your clothes, even the kitchen looked untouched."

Alastor clears his throat. "Yes, well. I have been doing this for a while now." That would have been the most logical explanation. Nothing else really needed to be said. But something about his tone made you unsure. 

Alastor is not the muscular type, he doesn't look like much physically. But you have noticed he has quite a bit of strength in him, despite his lengthy figure. Perhaps getting rid of the bodies wouldn't be much of an issue. But what about the mess? 

Blood was not something that could easily be cleaned up. And yet, his clothes from last night, and the kitchen was spotless. 

One part of you was perfectly fine not knowing. But the other part was tired of the lies. 

"There's nothing about this whole situation that could possibly make things worse." You tell him. "If there is something you're keeping from me, I'd like to know. What harm could it really do at this point?" 

Alastor sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I...Might have had some help." Your furrow your brows in confusion. "Help? From who?" 

"Not necessarily who, but rather, it." 

"Alastor what on Earth are you talking abou-" Suddenly a chill brushed at your arms. You gasp and look to the side, right then you were met with a shadowy figure. You open your mouth to scream, however, Alastor beat you to it.

"It's harmless!" He said quickly. "Well...Harmless to you, and whoever else I don't sick it on." 

"What the hell is that thing!?" You got up from the couch and back away from it, it's bright green eyes locked onto you. And you swore you heard it snicker, it was very breathy and faint. The shadow sunk into the ground and formed again next to Alastor. 

It looked eerily similar to Alastor, same height, same shape. Only it had what appeared to be deer ears on the top of it's head. But most noticeable of all, was it's smile. It was unnerving, it was malicious, and outstretched to inhuman length. 

"Enough. Leave us." Alastor commanded with a have of his hand. The shadow gave one last look at you before sinking away and out of sight. "And there you have it. That is part of the reason I've never been caught. It provides excellent clean up, despite it's attitude."

You put a hand to your head. "I don't know how much longer I can do this. My childhood best friend, boyfriend, and now fiancé, has been a murder for years. And now he has a pet unearthly shadow to clean up his dirty work. How long have you had that thing?" 

"...A while." Alastor answers with a slight shrug. 

"I swear to God, if that has seen me undress even one time Alastor..." You sent him a sharp glare. "It'll be you it cleans up next." 

Alastor chuckles lightly. "No my dear, I assure you, it hasn't seen you...indecent. But aside from that, Y/n, are you...feeling alright?"

"I'm..." You sigh. "I'm fine, I suppose." 

"You're not. You didn't sleep much at all last night. I was checking in on you once and a while, and almost every time I looked in, you were tossing and turning. You look exhausted, dear. I say you're far from fine." You could hear the concern in Alastor's tone. You really wished he'd stop doing that. Worrying over you. Caring about you.

He still loves you, that much is obvious. But you really wished he didn't. You wished he'd stop caring, stop loving you. Then maybe you could do the same. 

"I really don't want to talk about this." You firmly tell him. "In fact, how about we add this to the things that's not to be discussed." 

"I know you don't want to hear this but, I know how you're feeling." Said Alastor. "The first time...it's overwhelming. Even after I...even back then, I couldn't sleep a wink that night. I kept thinking about how it happened, how I felt in that moment, and the deep feeling of dread I felt. As if it was already decided, I would do it again."

"And you think I will?" You snap. "I hated the feeling! Holding that knife felt like holding a dumbbell, his blood on my skin made me sick, and the sight of his dead body...I've never felt more disgusted with myself. I would never do this again! Because I'm not like you! I'm...I'm not..."

 'I can't really describe it but...I can tell something in Alastor is changing.'

"I'm not broken like you!" 

The silence that followed was thick enough to cut with a knife. You almost immediately regret the words as soon as they left you. You couldn't gauge Alastor's expression, you couldn't tell if your words truly hurt him or not. But that didn't matter. You shouldn't have-

"You're right."

"What?" You ask, confused. 

"I am broken. I have been for quite some time." Alastor starts. "I never wanted you to find out, especially the way you did. And I know, you'd never be like me. Because you're so much better than I am, better than a lot of people in this world. You're an angel Y/n. You've always have been."

An angel? Better than him, than anyone? What was he saying? You weren't better than anyone, and you most certainly were not an angel. Not after what you did. The murder was bad enough. But you willing kept Alastor's killings a secret from the world. So many people, families, would have gotten closure, knowing that a monster like him would never see the light of day again. 

And you chose keep quiet. Why? You could say you did it to protect yourself, that if you said anything, Alastor would have killed you too. But that would be a lie. You kept quiet all for yout own selfish gain. 

You still loved him. 

Despite the lies, despite the murders, you still loved Alastor. And you hated him for it, but not nearly as much as you hated yourself. 

You were no angel.

"Alastor, I'm not-"

Alastor walked towards you, placing a hand at your cheek. "I'm sorry, Y/n. For everything." He pulled back before walking away and out of the door, leaving you alone. 

You stood there, feeling your chest tighten, and tears forming in the corners of your eyes. 

"Alastor..."

Alastor found himself in the woods later that night, he was in the process of disposing of a body. Though, the hunt beforehand did little to nothing for him. He was walking along the trail, carrying the burlap sack that held the victim's remains, while taking in the sounds and sights of the night.

He hadn't been home since he left for for this morning, all day he had been on the edge, an absolute wreck. People were starting to notice, which could only mean disaster. 

But right now he didn't care about any of that. He just need to be alone with his thoughts for a little while. 

Normally that was a bad thing. Alastor's mind was a dark and terrible place that one should not dwell on for long. Though tonight, his thoughts were filled with only you. And what he should do next. 

He thought about just what he could do to make things better for you. There had to have been something he could do or say to make it all better. It a desperate and ultimately an unrealistic idea. There was nothing he could do now to fix this. 

Alastor then considered letting you go. No strings attached. He would let you go, let you live out your life as best as you could without him. Maybe then, you'd smile once more.

 Oh how he missed your smile. 

It was one of the only things that gave him the motivation to continue on. Your smile gave him life,  you brought light his dark world, you were everything. And he destroyed that light. He has no one to blame but himself for loosing it, for loosing you...

Maybe it would be best if he set you free. What you chose to do next, was all up to you, and he'd be fine. Someday he would be. Surely. He would be.

Alastor came to a stand still. He looked up at the moon, the woods becoming silent. 

Wouldn't he?

"Y/n..." Your name left him in a soft whisper. 

Snap

Alastor quickly turned his head at the sudden sound. Just as he did, a loud bang shortly followed. 

And just like that, Alastor was plunged into darkness. 

Tags-

@martinys-world

@sirens-and-moonflowers

@catticora

@millie-the-goth

[nevaroonie]

I'll Regret It Tomorrow

TW - Very DETAILED make-out session, CHEATING, Suggestive remember how my page is 17+ AN - Soo... WC - 1120 Part 1

The tension could be cut with a knife.

 Milo’s mate dropped him off a couple of hours ago. They wanted him to hang out with Ash. Milo was against the idea but they were persistent. He didn’t know why; that was a lie.. He knew why. They saw the way they looked at each other at that party. Maybe this was them giving up. 

Telling him to be with the one he truly loved. To be with the one who had his heart. While they only held a faction. He didn’t know what hurt more. The fact that they were right in that assumption. Or the fact they’ve given up. Was he really using them as a placeholder? A temporary fix?

Yes. 

Now he sat here on the couch. One that belongs to the man who had and still has his heart. The same man who awkwardly let him inside. Who agreed to let him stay.` Who looked like he had his heart crushed. And yet he still stepped away to make snacks, while setting up a movie night for the both of them. 

This wasn’t fair, not fair to any of the parties involved. 

Milos's thoughts were interrupted by Asher walking back into the living room. 

‘’ sorry.. I didn’t have much on stand-by.. ‘’  it was true. Asher wasn’t expecting any guests and he’d eaten most of his snacks the night of the house party. 

‘’ you’re fine.. ‘’  

‘’ so.. Did.. you have a movie in mind? ‘’ Asher wanted to cut the tension. But it’s hard to cut year-old tension. 

‘’n...no.. not really.. ‘’  and Milo wanted to be anywhere but here. He can’t do this. 

‘’ I heard.. Brokeback Mountain is good.. ‘’ 

‘’ lets.. Go with that.. ‘’ Milo just wanted this conversation to be over. 

Asher walked over to turn on the Xbox and went to join Milo on the couch. It was going to be a long night. And he knew that.. As the Xbox powered on. He couldn’t help but glance at Milo. His soulmate sitting this close to him. Was the idea of being alone with him that enjoyable? 

Yes. 

They hadn’t been this close since.. That night. He didn’t want to think about that. Not tonight. This could finally be his chance to.. Make things right. To apologize.. When the green screen went black.. And eventually to the profile segment. 

Milo was flashed with his Xbox account. He remembered making it when Ash first got it. He’d thought he would have gotten rid of it. This made him wonder if he deleted his switch account off his switch. If the Xbox account was still here probably not. 

Asher logged in, going to the video section. And finding Netflix, hoping Milo would fall asleep during the movie. So he could just go hide in his room for the rest of the night. But he knew Milo and that wasn’t going to happen easily. But he could only hope. 

‘’ so.. ‘’ Milo attempted a conversation. Though he wouldn’t know what to do with a response. 

Ash didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say. He just pretended not to hear him.. Maybe if he just focused on finding this movie he’d be fine. 

Milo took that as a sign to shut up. I mean he technically did show up on his doorstep. Without warning.. Adding on the fact they haven’t had a proper conversation in years. They hadn’t been this close in months. Even at pack meetings, Asher kept his distance. 

Milo couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t ignore the burning in his chest. He couldn’t push those feelings down.. He couldn’t do it. Not while he was sitting next to him. Movie be damned. He wanted him.. No he needed him. The marking on his chest only proved the universe wanted them together too. 

‘’ Ash.. ‘’ Milo palmed the controller out of his hands. 

‘’ what.. Milo .. ‘’ the sudden contact caused him to freeze. The marking that littered his shoulder started to burn. He couldn’t do this.. 

‘’  t…thats my name.. ‘’ 

‘’  I.. need you to be honest with me.. ‘’ Milo was laying all his cards on the table. If he was going to risk this.. It wasn’t going to be for nothing.     

‘’ honest about what.. ‘’ 

‘’ Me. ‘’ 

Asher looked at his friend. What did he mean be honest? 

‘’ Tell.. me what… you wanted to say all those years ago..’’ Milo held his hands in his ‘’ tell me.. What.. you failed to tell me then.. ‘’ his eye watered as he remembered that day. He needed to hear Ash say he loved him. He loved his partner but Asher would always have his heart. 

Fuck. It. 

‘’ Milo.. I want to be your everything.. I want to be the person you wake up too. I need to be the person you hold when you’re down. I need that.. But i need that with you.. You Milo Greer. ‘’ 

Asher couldn’t believe the words that left his mouth. And he couldn’t believe Milo either.. He had a partner. Someone who loved him.. Someone he fell for. And yet here he sat. in front of him. Begging to hear some words that never left his mouth. Words he promised would never leave his mouth. 

And maybe in a moment of passion and desperation. Milo kissed him. And he kissed him back. Pulling him onto his lap; were they really about to do this? 

Yes.                  

For once in his life Asher stopped thinking and let his body take control. And god did it feel good. Milo's warm body against his, lips intertwined. God he didn’t want this to end. He didn’t know when he’d feel this warmth again. 

And he wasn’t going to waste it. Not again. Not ever.. 

Asher pulled away, causing Milo to open his eyes. He was confused.. 

‘’ I need you to tell me this..is what you want..I Need you to tell me.. You won’t regret this. ‘’ 

Asher was getting desperate. He needed him.. But he needed to know for sure. This is what he wanted too. 

‘’ I won’t.. Whatever happens after.. I’ll deal with it. Just, please.. ‘’ 

Once again lips met skin.. And god the noises that escaped his mouth were just as good as he imagined. He bet his partner couldn’t make him feel like this. Asher made his way down Milo’s neck while he made music under him. 

He needed more. 

‘’ clothes.. I.. need to feel.. More.. ‘’ Asher whined in his ear. And Milo gladly offered a solution. 

As he slid his shirt over his head. And Asher eyed his tattoo. The one they shared. The one that let him know. Milo Greer was his. And smiled. 

Though Milo lied. 

He’d Regret It Tomorrow. 

He knows he will. But god did it feel good. 

[octo-in-the-mainframe]

Side Order Spoilers!!!

Okay does anyone else find it weird that Smollusk and Pearl referred to both DJ Octavio and Agent 4 as "big shots"?

And that Pearl says Agent 4 "was supposed to be such a big shot"??

And that even though pieces of their souls got sucked into the Memverse they canonically have not been seen after the events of Splatoon 2 and 3 respectively???

Knowing that characters were added to Tableturf after the DLC, namely, Pearl, Marina and Acht, I wouldn't be surprised if more characters are added later.

"But Octo, didn't Nintendo say there would only be two waves of DLC?"

Well, yes...but I have reason to believe otherwise.

First, when announcing the two waves of DLC, yellow and blue were used for the first and second waves, but despite there being four colors used for the announcement, red and green made no further appearance.

I'm sure if Nintendo really wanted to, they could have found a way to make just the yellow and blue look nice, but they specifically added those two colors. Red, I get, that's Big Man's color, even if they don't use it much in promotional material, but GREEN?

If Nintendo were to make more DLC, three waves WOULD make sense, considering the leitmotif of threes throughout the game. It's the third game, there's 3 idols, 3 forces united as one, 3 Splatfest teams to choose from, etc.

But that still doesn't explain the fourth color. It breaks the pattern of threes and uses a color that is barely anywhere among our cast of characters, besides Marie, DJ Octavio, and maybe Callie.

And then I thought...what if it's to give us a taste of the next game? Next IS Splatoon 4, so I wouldn't put it past them for a sneak peek.

My other, and more likely idea was that it would center around Agent 4, which kind of ties in with the weird wording used for both Octavio and them. Perhaps we'll finally get to see what they've been up to, maybe even teaming up with a certain DJ?

As for the third wave...I'm not too sure. I think it might have to do with Lil' Judd and Marigold, though.

As we collect scrolls in Alterna, we get tidbits of the other characters' lives and some info on the Splatoon world itself.

But something that stood out to me is when we get to Pearl and Marina's scroll.

It's their outfits from the DLC, clearly meant to foreshadow their next appearance. And right before that was a scroll for the Squid Sister's podcast (and that dried up squid), which lines up since their hub world was brought to the game in the first wave of DLC.

But after Pearl and Marina, it's Lil' Judd.

Lil' Judd planning for Judd's demise.

Which has not been brought up seriously in the main game.

That...that means nothing, right? I mean, more DLC hasn't even been announced, ha-ha!!

But then the next page is Marigold, with her many pictures crossed out, with multiple names to the same-ish face. It's secretive; does she have various clones, multiple siblings? What is she?

And then, there's also the concerning connection between her and Lil' Judd.

Marigold works at Grizzco, evidenced by her voice at the counter and her vocabulary. Lil' Judd...is in CHARGE of Grizzco now, majorly implied by the new inclusion of a headpiece on him after you finish fighting Mr. Grizz.

I think the third wave of DLC will be focusing on Lil' Judd's plans to get rid of Judd and will involve a further look into Marigold and how Grizzco operates.

I mean, we can't keep stealing Salmonid eggs forever, can we? Eventually they'll run out. This endless back and forth has resulted in Big Run's happening, so it's not out of the question that we get a resolution to this.

(I personally think Big Run will have its own version of an ending, one where whenever you play Salmon Run after it it's "in the past," so that it doesn't affect whatever the conclusion was. Otherwise, the Big Runs would likely just get worse.)

Maybe we'll get to be Neo 3 this time and learn more Salmonid lore with our Smallfry friend!!

Of course, most of these concepts are speculation, but I do want to show off one last piece of evidence that I think can be rather damning.

The roped off barrier by the Metro. (Sorry I don't have an image of it, and I don't want to use anyone else's footage.)

Only removed once the DLC trailer was shown.

And look what we have here, as far back as the original Splatoon 3 Direct...

Another roped off barrier in front of the arch. Not just construction, like how Splatoon always sets up new places for the next game, no. It's a barrier, with a big empty space behind it.

I always thought it was so weird we weren't allowed to go over there, and now it seems so obvious to me what Splatoon has been implying.

I don't want to get my hopes up, or anyone else's, but I'm finding it exceedingly difficult to just move past these details and pretend like they're nothing.

What about you guys? Do you also think all of this is mighty suspicious? Do you have any theories regarding more waves of DLC, and what they could possibly be? Oh, and if you have more evidence for there being four waves, please feel free to tell me in the comments or through message. (I might not see the messages, though, because mine haven't been working that well, so mostly stick to comments and reblogs.)

Lastly, I did want to ask if anyone knows what the European version of the shop for the DLC means by “It’s possible that additional DLC, not listed above will also be distributed with the Expansion Pass.” I saw somebody mention it, I don't remember what post, but I was wondering if that was just a standard description for the European page or if it was just for this DLC. I'm in the US, and mine doesn't say that. If I'm completely wrong about this fact please tell me,,,

That's all I got though!! So, buh-bye!!!!

[mitsua]

Ch. 3 | ๋ ࣭ ⭑—Villain?!

Warnings: cursing, robbery, reader getting falsely accused Genre: angst Series: Boku No Hero Academia Y/N's . . . GN! Words' count: 0.70k

Previous chapter Series' list

"Here says you were seen in the previous bank incident, a jewelry robbery and... this is simply incredible." A detective said as she read the documents in front of you. At an exclusive office, also called interrogatory room.

Yes, they did kept you captive.

"I said I had nothing to do with it, it was a misunderstanding," you said exhausted of remembering the ordeals you've gone through since your parents' death.

"You were seen grabbing a bag full of money!"

Then you remembered something.

"The-there was this young green-haired hero who saw me before that! He saw how a man tried to kill me in that moment!" You said raising your voice a little and moving your cuffed hands exasperated.

"I don't believe you." 'What a great work this woman does. Detective my ass,' you cursed in your thoughts.

"Please!"

"For everything we know they were and could be involved in every case we've seen since were free to patrol!" Bakugo said to his companion, anger increasing as he saw his partner disagree with him.

"Kacchan, do you mean a defenseless civillian could've organized such scandalous incidents in a few weeks?"

"What if they're not alone? THEY COULD'VE PLANNED THIS SINCE LAST YEAR BUT DECIDED TO EXECUTE IT NOW ALL RAPIDLY TO DISTRACT AND MAYBE MAKE A GREATER DISASTER ANYTIME SOON!" Midoriya got nervous as Bakugo could not seem to care about shouting freely as if they were not just arriving to the police station. To talk with you.

Midoriya knew you had nothing to do with this incrimination Bakugo had put you in, but Aizawa demanded both of them to go and make it up.

"I won't hear anymore of this bullshit! YOU'RE LYING AND YOU KNOW IT! MAYBE YOU'RE ONLY WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO COME RESCUE YOU BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? HM? YOU'RE BEEN WATCHED BY THE BEST DETECTIVE HERE AND I ASSURE YOU, I'LL GET RID OF EACH AND EVERY PLAN YOU GOT!" Her hands slammed on the table where the cuffs were chained in. Shutting you right away and causing you a watery vision.

Through the only window, the only exit door's window, you saw green and yellow hair peek a little. The detective finally went out revealing the heroes you so got to know. 'Deku and Dynamight,' you recalled the woman said when spitting more stupidities your way to make you look like the fool and admit it was all your fault.

"Hi, L/n, right?" Deku asked, going to sit down on the metal chair the previous person used, Dynamight following behind to stand next to him. An angry expression plastered on all his features, contrasting Deku's soft demeanour.

"Y-Yes, Deku, you..." 'Why were you doubting your words now? He's your only salvation here!'

"You remember seeing me when you guys first arrived right?" You pleaded, holding tightly your fist on your other hand, turning your knuckles white.

At this Bakugo quirked a brow and grimaced, turning to Midoriya, who caught on your desperation.

"Yes! That's why I'm here!" The door opened again and a man appeared with the files the detective had been showing you on your interrogatory. Bakugo received and went through them while you and Izuku recalled the moment.

"Stop in this instance Deku." The soon-to-be hero said slamming the files in front of him to have a look at the photos you appeared in different situations.

"Why're you involved in all of this?! You see it don't ya'?! Why won't you admit it?! You're one of them, AIN'T YOU?!"

"I'm what?! A VILLAIN?!" Now you exploded, standing up abruptly, causing the chair you were sitting on to fall. You tried to point at yourself, but the restrains only let you do so much.

"YES! OR WHY WOULD YOU BE IN ALL OF THIS, HUH?!" He got closer to you with his fists on the table to support himself, leaning to show his seriousness.

"EVEN IF I TOLD YOU, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME, WOULD YOU?!" You asked, the tears making an appearance on your cheeks quickly. Still, you eyes kept staring dagger at those ruby ones, just as Izuku found something on those identification papers.

"What does this mean about 'unknown quirk'?"

Next chapter

All writings' rights reserved © 2024 Mitsua. (Credit to the respective owners of the tagged anime character.) ⌇ my navigation!

[justanamesstuff]

All I Need

Chapter 9

A/N: IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPLOAD THIS CHAPTER! Thanks for waiting patiently...I hope this helps after the last one ;)♥ Thanks guys, you're awesome! Happy reading!

Warnings: ANGST, almost panic attack, crying, anxiety, BUT ALSO fluff, jealousy, people in love <;3 typos

Word count: 6.6 K

Blog MASTERLIST

Two weeks later Matty left…

Matty walked in circles around the tent the band had as a green room for the festival. He couldn’t stay still. The past weeks took a toll on him. Barely talking with Y/n and Amelia, they did a few FaceTimes, although they ended being counterproductive. Amelia got fussy, Y/n and him couldn’t really talk. 

Every moment he had to spear alone, Matty constantly repeated his conversations with Y/n and the broken voice of Amelia calling him to stay home. His heart broke a little more every single time. 

He brushed his hair back, anxiously. George stared at him, watching how he went from one side to the other of the little space. Matty resembled a tiger trapped inside a cage. Ready to bit, to fight, to take his anger out. 

“Alright, mate?” Ross tried to ask him.

“Yeah, yeah.” Matty answered mindlessly, out of habit.

George got tired of his mate’s behaviour, “Matty!”

“What?” he didn’t stopped moving.

“Sit down.” George demanded. 

“I can’t…”

“Did you get some sleep?” Matty snorted as an answer.

Matty was well aware the guys were staring at him due to his behaviour. Although nothing inside him was still or even want to be. On the other hand, he wanted to scream or do something that take all the angsty feelings from his chest.

“I don’t want to go there.” Matty admitted, his words sharing his sincere feelings. 

The frontman let all the air out of his lunges, while running his hands through his curls. He tried to get rid of the pressure on his chest. Matty tried to hold back the tears threatening to come out. He needed to talk with Y/n even when he knew that option wasn’t possible. 

The guys shared a couple of worried looks. Adam was the bravest to ask, “On stage?”

“Mhm.” Matty hummed as a reply, rubbing his face.

“Why?” Adam asked this time. Something in his relaxed tone took part of Matty’s anxiety. His body moved closer, as if he was being pulled by an invisible force.

“I don’t trust myself.” 

Matty had the strong feeling that once he was out there, with the fans cheering for him, his mind was going to be all over the place. Everything could happen then, and he wasn’t near the mental state to stop himself.

“You would do fine, Matty.” Adam stood up, reaching for his shoulder. 

Matty shook his head, “I want to go home.” 

“I know,” Adam voice coming from an empathic place, all of them knew what Matty was going through. “It’s the last one, and we’re all going home, okay?” he tried to encourage his friend.

“Yes.” 

The frontman tried to keep his mind in check. Not matter how the show turned out, he was going straight back home. Back to Amelia and Y/n. Thinking about them lighten up something inside him.

“You can do it.” Adam stated, forcing Matty to look at his eyes.

“I can…do it.” The singer’s voice shaking at the same time he was making the impossible to prepare himself.

“Let go.” George’s voice came from behind Matty.

Time would tell.

************************************

Matty swung the bottle of wine around on his right hand, while he held the microphone on the other. His steps uncoordinated, messy, his body threatening to fall at every step he took. George looked at Adam and Ross, asking silently. Adam tried to reassure him. It wasn’t 

good, but it wasn’t that bad yet.

“Okay…” the frontman took another sip of wine. “This next…song-” Matty stopped when the wires got tangled. “It’s for- fuck-” he brushed back the small curls on his sweaty forehead. “Next song is for…you know who you are. This is for you, and only you, baby.” 

Matty didn’t care he wasn’t making any sense. This was not for the crowd, this was for Y/n and only her; even when she wasn’t there, with him. Inside his clouded mind, Y/n was everything he could think about. Only her. 

The first chord of ‘All I Need To Hear’ filled the air. Matty took another big gulp of wine. His tears polling at the corners of his eyes. He wanted to feel her skin against his again, her warmth, her loving stares and everything –only– Y/n can give him. Matty fell asleep during those weeks trying to remember all, getting frustrated because he couldn’t have it.

“When people are talking, I miss what they say” Matty sang, replying the conversations he didn’t listen to during the weeks after he left home. The boys had to snap him out of his daydreaming almost every time he was around them.

“'Cause it all means nothing, my dear” His voice was breaking with every word, Jamie and Polly tried to help him as best as they could. “If I can't be holding you near. So tell me you love me…'Cause that's all that I need to hear.”

Matty didn’t sit during the song. He moved around, drinking from the bottle and looking at the horizon turning to wild colours because the sun was setting down. His mind trying to think what Amelia and Y/n were doing at the same time back home, without him.

“'Cause I don't need music in my ears” Matty kept the song going. “I don't need the crowds and the cheers” shaking his head, stating his words. “Oh, just tell me you love me…'Cause that's all that I need to hear” the singer finished the verse speaking the words more than singing them. 

When Matty had to sing the bridge, his knees gave up and Matty fell on the floor. He left the wine at his side, holding the microphone as if his life depended on it. “I've been told so many times before. But hearing it from you-” he moved the microphone to a side, feeling incapable to keep going. “Means much more, so much more” he concluded.

The urge to just left the stage was strong. Matty wasn’t ready to finish the song, even though he was against letting the fans down. He took a big breath and stood up. 

“Oh, I don't care if you're insincere” Matty reached for the microphone stand, holding it as a walking stick. “Just tell me what I want to hear” Over the course of the weeks, Matty convinced himself that Y/n loved his as much as he loved her. They were meant to be, there wasn’t another option. “You know where to find me. The place where we lived all these years, oh” Matty looked up, recalling the different rooms of their home. He was every minute closer to be back. “And tell me you love me. That's all that I need to hear.” Matty’s body folded in half, leaning forward. 

He couldn’t finish the song. Someone, probably Jamie, finished it for him. 

As soon as the song died down, his feet were transporting him to the backstage. Matty was physically incapable to say goodbye to the fans. He had only one though in mind. 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When all the band members returned to the tent backstage, Matty lay plastered on the floor. His arm was over his eyes, shielding them from the strong lights hurting his eyes. Matty wanted to puke, but the solo idea of moving hurt through his bones. 

George is the first one to check on him. He kneeled beside his friend. “What’s wrong?”

Matty groaned, trying to clear his mind to answer. He’s way too gone for that. George glanced around to the rest of the guys to try to found a solution to a problem he didn’t fully understand. 

“Matty?” he asked again. Receiving no answer. “Can you stand up?” 

“No.” Matty replied this time, feeling his mouth dry.

“Come on, mate. We need to go.” G urged him. 

Matty gathered some strength to protest, “Can’t.”

“Come on.” 

“I want Y/n.” Matty begged George. The drummer saw how some tears streamed down his cheeks.

George felt bad to remind his best friend about the current situation, “She’s…not here, mate.”

“I want her.” the frontman wasn’t having it though. 

George knew it wasn’t the nicest thing to call this late, although they needed Matty to move. Desperate situations called for desperate measures. G took his phone out from his pocket, searching fast for Y/n’s number. He placed the phone closer to his ear. 

“George?” Y/n picked right away, worrying sick, from the other end of the line.

It wasn’t something she was supposed to assumed out loud, not even for Grace, although she had been keeping tabs on Matty. The first few days she stayed out of social media, every single one. Her decision didn’t last long.

She had been tugging herself to sleep, after feeding and during Amelia’s routine, to then search desperately for any streaming or Instagram live of fans. Y/n missed Matty more every day that passed. 

Reason why, Y/n saw the entire thing. Some fans were pissed with him, she was worried. 

“Y/n, I’m sorry-” George tried to excuse his actions, Y/n didn’t have the time or patience to let him finish the sentence. 

“What the fuck happened?” Y/n interrupted his rant. “Where is Matty?” she clung to the device so hard that her hands started to hurt. 

“Did I wake you? I need your help but-”

“Please tell me nothing happened, George!” Y/n interrupted once more, she felt bad to shout to G but she was urged to know. 

“We’re okay…Matty-” 

“Where’s he?”

“Right in front of me.” George wasn’t stupid. He couldn’t communicate her the real state of Matty. “He’s only asking for you, doesn’t want to move. I’m sorry-” 

She didn’t need to know more, “Put him on the phone, George.”

“Okay.” he kept the phone closer to his chest. “Matty, Y/n wants to talk with you.” the solo mention of her name, made Matty tried to sit up, falling miserably. 

He groaned when his body came in contact with the floor again, he extended his hand towards George. His best friend gave him the device.

“Hello?” Matty let his sight wander up to the ceiling, blinking his eyes, trying to get rid of the dizziness. 

“Fuck.” Y/n breath out, feeling slightly better that she was hearing his voice. “Are you okay, Matty?”

“Y/n-”

“Are you okay?” Something in her worried tone snapped Matty back to life. He glanced towards George and the rest of the boys. 

“Not feeling my best but-”

“Matty, you need to listen to George now!” Y/n scolded him.

“I want you.”

“Matty, please…listen to me, I- I need you to listen to George. I need you safe, okay?”

“I want you, Y/n. I love you.” he was even more stubborn in this drunkenness state.

Y/n let the words slip through her lips, “I know, baby. I do too.” she smiled a little, knowing it was the first time she admitted it out loud; even though the priority at the moment was keeping Matty safe. “Please go with George, okay?”

“Mhm…would you be at our home when I get back?” Matty sat back up, with George and Ross’ help. 

Y/n nodded even when he wasn’t capable to see her actions, “Yes, Amelia and I…we’re here, we’ll be here.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise Matty.”

The line didn’t cut down, Matty just threw the phone to a side. Y/n stayed plugged to the phone, listening to make sure George returned and helped Matty.

“Fine. George, get your ass back here, I can’t walk.” she heard Matty direct his best friend. 

The sound of the device being picked from the floor loud on Y/n’s ear.  “Thank you and I’m so sorry.” George’s voice travelled through the line.

“Please, get him some ibuprofen and water.” Y/n asked nicely this time.

“I’ll…I’ll keep you updated.”

“Thank you, G.”

Y/n left the phone on the bedside table, trying not to worry too much about Matty. 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next morning

Grace and Y/n didn’t talk about it, but Amelia’s mother was aware that after the scandal with the articles –the pictures of her and George leaving the restaurant; and Matty with Daisy leaving the arena together–, Grace was adamant to stay at the house with Y/n and Amelia. 

The silent gesture warmed Y/n’s heart. Having her best friend and godmother of her child close when she was trying to get through those hard weeks was a blessing. Y/n loved Grace to the core. 

She swiped up once more, another video of Matty falling on stage similar to the one prior, showing him speaking on the verge of tears. Grace returned to the kitchen, scanning Y/n’s body. Her friend was sliding down, almost falling from the chair. Y/n wasn’t aware of it, she was too focused on the screen right in front of her eyes.

“Babe, stop scrolling through TikTok…” Grace instructed in a motherly tone.

Y/n didn’t look away, “I can’t help it.”

“I get that.” Grace approached her, extending her hand with the palm facing upwards. “Give me.” Y/n continue ignoring her, she wanted to keep watching the videos. “Fine.”  Grace proceed to take it out from her reach.

“Give it back, mom.” Y/n stood up, coming face to face with Grace. Y/n’s best friend hid the phone behind her back, shaking her head no. 

“No. I know it sucks but you have to wait and not keep watching him fall.” Grace was right.

“He looks…”

Grace didn’t let her find the right words. “He’s a mess.”

“And it's my fault.” Y/n announced. She had been feeling responsible for his state for a few days. She had been the one that didn’t want to address fully what happened between them, and Matty was obviously not okay with it. Like her.

“Partly…fuck, no-” Grace exposed her inner monologue. “He’s not a kid.”

“I need to see him in one piece, back home…” 

“Why he’s not here already?” 

“He wasn’t in the best shape to travel after the show, and something happened with the bus.” George kept her updated with every single move they made, even when Matty also did. The difference was that G added little ones of Matty’s state. “He’s going to be back tomorrow morning.” 

Y/n tried to get back her phone, Grace dodge it successfully.

“Did you talk with him?”

“Shortly. He sounded busy…” Y/n huffed. 

“I bet.” Grace didn’t want to be harsh or cynical about Matty, although he was getting on her bad side being the cause of Y/n’s current state. “I bumped into Paul the other day…” Grace tried to change the subject.

Y/n chuckled, “I don’t know if I want to know.”

“I yelled at him, of course.” Grace put the phone in her back pocket, walking towards the table.

“Grace…” Y/n made signals for her phone, it was her friend time to ignore it. 

Y/n’s friend kept filling her in about this new topic, “He didn’t move a centimetre, it was funny.” Grace laughed for herself. “I asked him what he knew about the articles...” That piqued Y/n’s interest. 

“What did he say?” Y/n went to sit in front of Grace at the other side of the table, defeated about her phone. 

“Not much.”

“Well, I think he doesn’t get hate for it…good for him!” Y/n’s voice dripping sarcasm. 

“It is calmer now, they moved to the next thing…”

Y/n rolled her eyes, “I really don’t care.”

“It’s good gossip!” Grace tried to gain her attention with it. 

“I don’t-”

“Come on! Matty’s going to be here tomorrow…and you’re going to talk, and I’ll be gone.” Grace reassured Y/n. 

“Are you going to leave?” she asked her friend, sensing how the information raised her anxiety. 

“I don’t want to be present when you suck each other’s faces.” Grace sported a disgusted expression while talking.

Y/n blushed thinking about it, “We aren’t-”

“Oh, sure.” Grace faked believing it for a minute.

“We need to talk first!”

“Two seconds later, you’re smooching and creating a new baby.” Y/n laughed at her antics. 

“Oh my god, Grace!” 

“So cheer up…you’re going to get some soon…”

Y/n felt happy to have such a great friend cheering for her. She knew how Grace felt about Matty, although she kept her words and tried to just be there for her, to support her best friend. Grace deserved all the goodness of the world.

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“I do. Tell me about the gossip.”

Grace didn’t need more encouragement, “Okay, so Harry Styles…”

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

24 hours later

After two long days travelling after the last show, Matty saw the front yard of his house, feeling at home already. He couldn’t wait to see his baby and Y/n, he was even more desperate than two days before. 

George went to knock at the door to say a quick hello to his goddaughter and her mother. Y/n opened the door with an excited child in her arms, looking all around to see her daddy.

“Morning.” George greeted Y/n when she came into view. 

Y/n was truly happy to see the tall guy, “Hey!”

“Nice outfit, Y/n.” George teased her about the baggy clothes she used as a pyjama. 

“Shut up, Daniels!” she stopped him, half hugging him. 

Amelia screamed loud to be noticed by the grown-ups, “Orge!”

George opened his arms, making her laugh, “Hey, princess…I missed you.” Y/n let him took her little body on his embrace. 

“Yes!” Amelia answered, clapping her hands in front of her eyes.

“Move George.” Matty made himself presence from behind his bandmate, with suitcase and guitar case in each hand.

The solo sound of his voice filled Y/n’s stomach of a bubbling feeling, and made Amelia overly excited 

“Daddy!” the little Healy girl screamed louder. 

After Matty left his baggage on the floor, ready to welcome Amelia, his eyes were full of tears. “Hi, mel-mel!” he said only to her, kissing the crown of her head. 

“Hello daddy!” she exclaimed, still happy, on his neck. 

“Oh, I missed you so much!” Matty squeezed her harder with his arms.

“Miss you.” Amelia said, surprising her parents and godfather. 

“Mel!” George smile grew a few sizes, while the three of them cheered for her.

Y/n felt the urge to check the plans for later with the drummer, “George, if you can’t-” but Matty –who took notice of her when her voice reached his ears– interrupted.

“He can. Right, George?” Matty looked at his mate sternly. George didn’t have a real option to say no. 

“Yes, Y/n. Don’t worry! I’ll be back in a few hours with Charli, and we’re going to have fun, 

right Ames?” George tickled Amelia, making her chuckled loud.

“Yes!”

“I’m happy to help” George tried to reassure Y/n. He was aware Amelia’s parent needed to talk, and he was happy to help. “See you guys later.” He said.

After quick goodbyes and a few kisses on Amelia’s chubby cheeks, George was out of sight. Once the door closed down, Matty glanced at Y/n directly. 

“Hello, you.”

Y/n felt incredibly shy, “Hi.”

He didn’t wait and walked the short distance separating their bodies. Matty dared to round Y/n with his arm that wasn’t holding Amelia. He brought the two closer, closing his eyes, enjoying the moment he had been longing for weeks. 

He let his cheek rest on top of her head. Feeling his body against hers made Y/n sink further into his touch.

They couldn’t continue with it because Amelia started to get fuzzy in the middle of her parents chests. Matty pushed his body back, staring at her face without letting her go far away. 

“How are you?” he asked softly, meanwhile Amelia played with his buttons. 

Y/n titled her head, analysing his features, “How are you, Matty?”

“Better…I'm always better here, home, with my girls.” Matty brushed the apple of her cheeks, staring at mother and daughter. 

“Have you eaten?” Y/n grew concerned about his current state.

Matty couldn’t lie to Y/n. “No.”

“Let’s go, I made breakfast.” Y/n took his hand, leading the way towards the kitchen.

***************

Y/n walked upstairs after George and Charli left with Amelia. Her heart was tumbling inside her ribcage, at tone with her nerves going wild. 

She reached Matty’s room, which had the door wide open as a welcoming sign. Y/n knocked out of politeness and rest her body on the door frame, looking at Matty left his suitcase closer to his wardrobe. 

“Hello, baby.” Matty greeted her, turning around on his place to look at her face.

“Hi.Um-” Y/n brushed her hair back, staring at the floor, feeling anxious. “Don’t you wanna take a nap, I unders-” she tried to excuse herself. 

Matty was quick to interrupt her, “I don’t.”

“You might be tired.” she offered him another way out of the conversation. 

“I am…but please, come here.” Matty asked, walking to sit at the end of his bed. It was the first time in almost a month he was sitting on his own bed. “O we can go downstairs…” he offered.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a nap?” Y/n twisted her fingers, in front of her body. She felt so pathetic, not knowing how to manage the situation like a grown up. She scolded herself internally.

“I’m sure. I- We need to have this conversation.” Matty patted the comforter again. Y/n glanced up at his eyes.

“I know.”

Y/n didn’t move a muscle, keeping her eyes on his. Matty tried to wait patiently. The silence wasn’t exactly awkward, although it was suffocating her in a way. Y/n couldn’t help to let an uncomfortable laugh. 

Matty couldn’t help to copy her, even though he teased her a little. “This is not funny!” he tried to sound serious. 

“I know, okay? But where to start…” Y/n took a few steps forward, closer to Matty. 

Matty grabbed her hands on his, “From the beginning….” he said, staring up towards her eyes.

Y/n chuckled, “Funny, so funny.” she stated, rolling her eyes.

“Come on sit” Matty instructed her, and she did as told. “What do you want to talk about first?” he asked, not letting her hands go.

Y/n huffed, this was it. “Tell me about her?” 

“About Daisy?” Matty inquired to clarify. 

“Mhm.” Y/n felt tiny. 

“I've met her ages ago, before even knowing you…” Matty kept his eyes on Y/n face, even when hers were on their intertwined hands. “We once hooked up, we were pretty drunk to put it in nice words.” Matty was quick to let her know all the details. “It was a big mistake, we decided to stay as friends…” the singer felt a wave of confidence, finally having the conversation he had been hoping to have for weeks. “I meet up with her during the month I’ve stayed over there.” Matty continued. “She’s going through a messy breakup with her boyfriend…it’s a long story, if you want, I can tell you. It’s really sad though, he’s- Anyway, I wasn’t expecting tabloids making up stories about her and I…” he shook his head, before adding, “I didn’t know you would though…”

“You never talked about her.” Y/n felt the urge to defend her past behaviour. 

“No, but it’s not like she’s a secret…I guess it never came up in conversations, I don’t know, baby.” Matty said, sincere. 

“And you invited her to the concert.” The hurt was there in the middle of her words, Matty felt it.

“Mhm…I invited a few more friends, couldn’t make it.” he did invite a few here and there, he had a lot of friends with their own projects going on at the time.

“I’m so stupid.” Y/n felt embarrassed. She hid her face behind her hands. 

Matty took her hands again on his embrace, forcing Y/n to look at him once more. “No, no…this is all a big misunderstanding.” He fully believed on the words he was spoken. 

“I’m sorry.” Y/n apologized. 

Matty felt the need to do it too. “I’m sorry too. I should’ve introduced you guys.”

“Shouted at my face that she was your friend.” Y/n tried to joke about it, still embarrassed. 

“Mmm, that would’ve been a good idea.” Matty planted a kiss on her forehead. 

“And what about the other night?” Y/n brought back to the centre of attention the last concert of the band. She had been reading articles –speculating– about it, and TikToks repeating the moment when Grace didn’t notice. 

Matty felt a lump on his throat. “Homesick.” he looked down.

“Matty…” Y/n cupped his cheek.

“I was.” he stared at her eyes. “I wanted to be back so bad…it was physically painful.” Matty needed her to understand how bad he had been feeling about it all. “Biggest mistake was trying to drown it with alcohol.” 

“What about the dedication?”

“You saw the TikToks.” Matty said, surprised. 

Y/n felt her cheeks getting hot. “I did.”

“Grace was right, you’re online.” he mocked her. 

Y/n pinched his cheek softly. “Says the man who’s chronically online.” 

“But I don’t hide it!”

“Oh, shut up!”

Matty caressed her hands, getting inside his head for a few minutes. 

“How I make it back to normal?” he almost begged her for an answer. 

“I-”

“Because I am serious about this, about us, Y/n. I want to be with you.” Matty tugged at her hands, making her entire body –and soul– move.

“I’m sorry about the things I said to you, about you…” Y/n started to apologize again. Of course, she had been thinking about what she was going to say when they had the conversation. Part of it, a big part, was to say how sorry she was.

Matty tried to calm her worries, “I understand, baby.”

“No, no..don’t do that! Don’t justify my shitty behaviour.”

“I don’t. You were hurt, Y/n. I didn’t take it personally…I just need you to trust me for real with this.” Matty let her hand go to signal with a finger between them.

“I tr-”

“For real.”

“I really want to.”

Matty felt a pang on his chest, “But you don’t.”

“Matty, a lot has happened in the last few weeks…I’m still trying to get my head around it.” Y/n tried to make him reason with her.

“Okay, I get it.” Matty nodded, trying to swallow the pain. “Question is…do you want us, Y/n? Do you want to be with me?” he feared for her reply.

Y/n’s sight softened, sensing how afraid he was. “You said you were sure about me lo-”

“I am, I still am. Thing is, I need you to tell me, baby. I don’t mean now. I want for you to make those decisions.” Matty subtly made his question again.

Y/n didn’t hesitate to say, “Yes.”

Matty squeeze her hands, feeling a wave of emotion took over his body. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Matty wanted to tattoo it on his forehead, so she remembered.

“Really?”

“Yes, my love.” Matty caressed her cheek, lovingly. 

“You said you…loved me…since the start.” Y/n recalled his words.

“Yes, still do.” Matty’s lack of doubts warmed her heart.

“Explain again why you never said it? Why you accepted co-parenting with me then?” Y/n urged him.

“I was deeply scared of loosing you, Y/n. I still am, I came to that realization when…after Daisy.” He admitted.

“Why were you…are you?”

“I had the strong belief I was only a friend for you, and we were having amazing sex.” Y/n hit his shoulder playfully. “Ouch!” he protested, touching that part of his body. “I was only that for you…”

Y/n dissent with him, “How could you know?” her surprise until his words was all over her face. “We literally never talked about it…we never discussed titles and all of that. Well, only when we found out I was pregnant”

“Yeah, I know. I mean- I was in a different place…mentally. I guess my way of looking at the situation shifted, but being scared of loosing you was there, is kinda there. I can’t picture my life without you, Y/n.” Matty breathed out.

Y/n moved closer to him. “It’s the same for me, Matty.”

“This is the part I don’t get. Since we are so sure about the other, why we are not together?”

“It’s complicated?”

It was Matty’s time to ask, “Why you took the decision to be just co-parents, friends?”

“As I said, we never talked about titles…and I didn’t want to pressure you with a relationship when we were facing the idea of being parents.” Y/n state her reasons. 

“Why would I feel pressured?”

“Matty, I was pregnant…my brain was all over the place. You were realizing a new album. Back then, I was shitting myself.”

“Same.” Matty agreed. “So, all this time, we could’ve been a cute little family?” he whined, resting his back on the mattress.

“You needed to have your slut era.” Y/n patted the centre of his chest. Matty took advantage of it, grabbing her hand and pushing Y/n closer to him.

“Excuse me?” Matty faked to be offended.

Y/n hid her face on his shoulder, saying, “Oh, come on. You enjoyed it!”

“I was passed out most of the time, Y/n!” Matty protested loud.

“Yeah, you’ve told me!”

“Missing you…” he kept going. 

“Shut up.”

“I miss you now.” Matty truthfully said. 

“Matty-”

“Fuck, sorry. I  just-”

Y/n pushed herself up, looking at his face. “I know.”

“I’ll be patient. I swear.” Matty vowed.

Y/n return to lay with him, “I believe you.” she soothed Matty.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later

The dynamic around the house was starting to feel normal again. Matty knew they had a long path to go through with Y/n. He was doing all his best to let her know with actions his place was beside her and nowhere else. Matty thanked the band for not booking another show for the next week, letting him stay at home with his girl.

The frontman was thankful as well because Y/n’s mother was coming to visit, and he loved the woman. Y/n’s mother Susanne was a Matty Healy supporter since she meet him during the pregnancy. He knew how much they –Y/n and Susanne–miss each other, so being there to witness the reunion made him feel a tad emotional.

“Hello, Matty dear!” Y/n’s mom greeted him when he opened the front door. 

Matty accepted, happily, the hug she offered him. “Hi, Susanne.”

“How are you?” she asked.

“I’m good.”

“She’s giving you a hard time, isn’t she?” Susanne pinched his cheek. 

Y/n voice came from behind Matty, “My own mother…”

“No, she’s not.” Matty quickly replied.

“You can tell me the truth, Matty.” Y/n’s mother winked at him, jokingly.

“I am.” Matty said, turning to look at Y/n who smiled at him. “Let me take your suitcase upstairs.” he offered.

Once Matty was gone, Y/n led the way towards the kitchen. 

“How was the trip?” she asked her mother. 

“Long, exhausting…but I couldn’t stay all the way over there knowing you were here, with all those arseho-”

Y/n interrupted her swearing, “Mom!”

“What, my love? People online are horrible!” Susanne protested, opening her arms wide and frowning visibly.

“Mhm.” Y/n couldn’t deny it. 

“Dalia sends her regards” Dalia was Susanne’s best friend as long Y/n can remember. The woman was almost like an aunt for Y/n. “All of my friends are talking about the articles…no one believe those shitters!” Susanne kept ranting about the journalists. 

“Mom, please don’t swear around Amelia when you see her.” Y/n begged.

“Where’s my sunshine?” 

Susanne started to look around for her granddaughter, but all the toys were abandoned around the place. Which gave her a hint of where the little sunshine was. 

“She’s taking her nap.” Y/n explained.

“I thought you were the sleepiest baby, your own daughter broke the record!” Susanne told her, smugly. 

Y/n defended her daughter, “She’s really energetic when she’s up. Amelia need her naps.”

“Yeah, yeah…well, I want to see her.”

“You will. Do you want tea or anything?” Y/n tried to distract her mother with drinks and food.

“Yes, please…tea would be fine.”

“Okay.”

Y/n turned around at the same time Matty returned to the kitchen. She put the electric kittle on. 

“You won’t believe who asked me about you!” Susanne exclaimed out of the blue.

“Who, mom?”  Y/n folded her arms, waiting for her answer. She took notice at the same time of Matty presence, so she asked, “Do you want tea, Matty?”

“Sure.” he accepted, standing beside Y/n’s mother. 

Susanne screamed, which made Y/n winced. She expected Amelia didn’t hear her grandmother’s voice. “Benedict!” 

Matty noticed how Y/n’s factions changed with the mention of that name. Which distressed him. The singer scratched his stubble, waiting for more details about this unknown man.

“Oh, really?” Y/n asked excited. 

“I bumped into him at the supermarket. He’s so lovely, he stays as handsome as ever…” Susanne started.

Matty hated Y/n’s words, “I imagine.”

“Anyway, we talked for a bit. He asked about how you were doing.”

“What did you tell him?”

“The truth.”

“And that was?” Y/n arched her right eyebrow.

“You had a daughter, still single…” Susanne said, and Y/n’s sight went to Matty’s face. The frontman saw how her checks turned red while she looked at her mother again. He smirked, admiring her. “And live with the baby’s handsome father.” Y/n’s mother words made Matty laughed out loud

“Oh, god!” Y/n hid her face. 

“Who’s Benedict?” Matty asked right away.

When Susanne was about to answer, “He’s-” Y/n interrupted.

“Why?” it was her time to smile wide.

“Just want to know…” Matty shrugged his shoulders. 

“Now tell him.” Y/n instructed her mother to continue, waiting overly excited to see Matty’s reaction.

“Benedict was Y/n’s first boyfriend. They were the cutest couple ever.” Susanne informed Matty. His face turned a colour beyond red. 

“We were twelve, Mum. Course we were!” Y/n chuckled.

“Everybody was heartbroken when his father was relocated, and he broke up with her. Y/n stayed in bed for two weeks.”

“First broken heart?” Matty asked Y/n trying to play it cool. 

Y/n nodded. “First proper one.”

“And now where is he?” Matty kept his sight on Susanne because he knew Y/n was having the time of her life with this, although he needed all the details. 

“He’s back home. Oh, he said he was hoping to see you if you planned to visit home!”

Y/n threw her head back, remembering those years with him, “Would be so funny.”

“To rekindle an old flame?” Matty made fun of her.

“Oh, no!” Susanne interrupted. “He’s happily married to a boy, Allan, and they have two kids already.” she concluded with filling them in about Benedict. 

Matty didn’t know how to hide his embarrassment and Y/n her laughter. She turned to make the teas for everyone. Once they were ready, she offered one to her mother.

“Here’s your tea, Mom. Go, sit.”

Susanne was quick to obey her daughter. 

“Something to say, Healy?” Y/n inquired, smiling hard, when she gave Matty his cup. 

“No.” he mumbled.

Y/n went to kiss his cheek,“So territorial…” whispering only for him.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They ended up having a lovely evening with Susanne. After it was time for Amelia to wake up, Y/n’s mother took as her life purpose to play with the little Healy. Amelia was excited to have her grandmother around again, she didn’t stop for a minute until she grew so tired to keep going. 

Once dinner was finished, the grown-ups went to each other room. Matty had been sleeping on his bed, struggling with it, even though he didn’t want to blow his chances. Y/n had been thinking hard about it, although she didn’t want to force the circumstances. Lastly, Susanne was at the other side of the house in the guest room. 

A knock on Y/n’s door startled her, she left her book at her side staring at it. She wasn’t sure if she imagined it or not. At the other side, Matty knocked again mentally going through his lame excuse. 

“Yes?” Y/n finally asked.

Matty looked around the hall, “It’s me…can I come in?” he asked. 

“Come in!” Y/n replied.

“Hey.” Matty greeted her once he closed the door behind him.

She took his looks in saying, “Hi.” 

Matty stood there in his grey trackies and a loose old shirt of ‘the 1975’. His hair was all over the place, his curls calling for her. Y/n noticed her was moving from one foot to the other, anxiously. 

“Are you alright?” she worried, pushing her body up.

Scratching the back of his head. “Yes. No. I mean-”

“What is it?”

“I know it's odd but…” Matty started, making a lot of movements with his hands. “Can I sleep here?” he boldly asked. 

Y/n was shocked with his question, “Why?”

“Don’t laugh.” he warned her, holding his hands up between them.

“Okay.” 

“Your mom snores a lot!” Matty informed Y/n.

The woman started laughing harder than what it was acceptable for that time of the night. 

Matty placed a finger on his own lips, shushing her, “Shh, you’re going to wake her or Amelia!”

“So, you can’t sleep?” Y/n faked pitting him. 

“No.” Matty looked behind her head, if they made eye contact Y/n would know about his exaggeration about Susanne’s snoring. 

“We have a comfy couch…” Y/n though out loud, knowing that she would end up letting Matty sleep there, even though she wanted to tease him a little. 

“Yes, I know. Maybe I should sleep there…if the noises didn’t travel through the halls.” 

“There’s a couch in Amelia’s room.” Y/n continued. 

Matty took it a negative, so he said, “Right.” pointing with his hand back towards the door. “Maybe I should…” when Y/n didn’t spit a word, Matty turned around, walking one step towards the exit. 

Y/n called him, “Matty?” he immediately returned to look at her, expecting. 

“Yes?”

“Come here.” Y/n tossed the sheets aside, showing him the empty space.

Matty stared at Y/n face for a second. When the woman gifted him a cheeky smile, the singer –literally– ran to the bed. 

Y/n turned the light off, hearing him say, “I’ll stay right over he-” he felt the urge to reassure Y/n he wasn’t expecting anything else than be there. 

Although, his words got stucked on his throat when Y/n placed her head on his shoulder. Making herself comfortable for the night; sighing out of pleasure to be close to him again.

Y/n pat his chest when she felt his body was stiff. “Shut up and sleep, Healy.” 

“Okay.” Matty responded, touching her hand with his own.

When Y/n tangled her fingers with his, Matty relaxed finally to then fall asleep in an instance beside the love of his life. 

[psychologicalwarclaire]

How have (if at all) Donnie and Leo's ninpo's changed in the after math of all that's happened? What about Raph and Mikey?

Excellent question! Being repressed for so long was definitely Not Good for their ninpo.

Yes, in the initial burst after Mikey turned the brooches off, their powers came back stronger than ever and then crashed super fast... BUT there are some other... consequences.

I don't know how many people have picked up on it, but Donnie doesn't have a lot of control over his ninpo anymore. Here are three examples off the top of my head in chapter 23, 24, and 25.

Donnie's ninpo is tied to his mind and what he can create. With his view of himself so warped right now, and with his ability to physically create things at an all time low, his power is suffering. It's still part of him, it's just... got nowhere to go. His ninpo, like his own mind at the moment, has nothing solid to grasp.

Leo's ninpo is something we'll get into in chapter 27, actually. It'll take him a while to work his way back up to being able to make portals or transform weapons again, but there are some... other things going on too. Neither of the twins have noticed that they've felt far more connected to their Hamato ancestors since they've been back. I can't remember who or when (maybe Leo in chapter 22?) but one of them woke up and there was literally a green ghost in the corner of the medbay watching over them.

In chapter 20 we kind of learned that the spirits of their family never really went away, and that's something we'll go into a little more later. For right now, it's safe to say that the cracks in Donnie and Leo's ninpo are being held together by the ancestors.

As for Mikey and Raph, their ninpos have also changed. For an absolutely INCREDIBLE visual representation, check out @purplepixel 's Voided Colors Comic. It captures it perfectly. Not only that, but their overall powers suffered.

We see in the Rise Movie that they are quite literally stronger together. Their ninpo grows in size when they are in sync. So with Leo and Donnie absolutely GONE, Raph and Mikey's connection to each other suffered as well. Gee, I wonder if that impacted how they interacted at all (stares at all their arguments). A cold, cut off, lonely feeling that they could never quite place and never quite get rid of became a normal experience for them over the months of missing brothers.

I know what you're going to say: "But in chapter 20 they were so powerful!" Yes. They were. Because allowed to burn, Mikey and Raph's ninpos filled the void their brothers had left behind. There was more room for their ninpo to expand, allowing them to perform feats they've never done before (like Mikey actually flying or Raph's ninpo withstanding Viper's fangs). It's not sustainable, but it got the job done.

Splinter's ninpo also suffered a LOT during this time. With half of his sons missing and the other half fracturing apart, his own ninpo was really REALLY in trouble.

I'll get into the Hamato Ghosts impact and stuff in a later chapter. Thank you so much for asking this question because I didn't plan on directly addressing it! It's fun to get to point things like this out.