#yes i did just scrub through the episode to write this

[oceantornadoo]

rose scented scrubs

ex-husband Michael ‘Robby’ Robinavitch x f!reader

the post-divorce love confession fic of my dreams, word count 5.5k

ps I know Dana said it was her last shift in one of the episodes but idc deal with it I had to write her.

-

It was a few hours into your book when you realized you’d made a terrible, terrible mistake.

It had been the first cafe to catch your eye, advertising a yummy pastry you’d been aching to try on a beautiful late Saturday morning. Only after you’d noticed the fourth person in scrubs at the counter did you realize your mistake. The cafe had two entrances - one on the busy street you came in on, the other right outside of Pittsburg Medical Center.

Current workplace of your ex-husband.

You hadn't been near the hospital in months. When you'd been married (the past tense of it a hard pill to swallow, let alone think), you would drive by the hospital on your way to work, leaving early so you could stop by and get a kiss from the man who'd already been up since 5am. After the papers were signed, ink dried and heart broken, you told yourself to revel in those extra twenty minutes of sleep. Now you could drive straight to work, no pit stop needed, and all you had to give up was your marriage.

An almost-kid in black scrubs burst through the door, scanning his phone like his life depended on it. With his flustered expression, he looked like the stereotype of a country boy losing his way in the big city. You checked the clock - 3pm. A little over halfway into the usual twelve-hour shift from 7 to 7. The knowledge sprang up unbidden, carved into your brain by how long you’d lived and breathed it. “Hello! Can I get one black coffee, no cream or sugar, two lattes, regular milk…” he ended with a total of ten drinks, an amount the barista behind the counter barely seemed flustered by. At least for one of them, it wasn’t their first day on the job. He ended up near your chair and the urge to ask was too great, desperation clawing its way out of your throat.

“Are they making the interns get drinks now?” You quip, immediately cursing yourself. There was absolutely no reason to interact, who knows if he’s even in Robby’s department, why- “Yeah, actually. We had a pretty rough time last month, so the admin staff is giving us a new food and drink stipend instead of more staff.” He laughs to himself before remembering that you're a stranger, his cheeks apple red. “Are you a doctor?” He asks. Now it just sounded creepy if you said no, but there was absolutely no chance you could say yes. “No, but I’ve got friends at the hospital.” Friends being Dana, who forces you into monthly mental health check ins where she stares at you until you cry.

“Who’s your friend? If you want, you could stop by with me. I haven’t memorized her name yet, well it’s only my first month, but the front desk worker is super nice, especially since the ER is slow right now.” You gulp at the pit (figurative, not literal) that you’ve dug yourself into. Of course you had to talk to the ER intern. It couldn’t have been Peds, where they’d invite you to say hi to cute babies from the NICU glass? You’ve done it once or twice, bored of waiting on Robby and making friends with all the nurses.

You open to give your refusal and apologies but get interrupted by the barista shouting “Dennis!” Three containers of drinks appear out of nowhere, and you can’t help but cringe at how Dennis has no way to carry them all. He’s currently attempting to balance one on top of the other, and your duty as a Good Samaritan suddenly becomes clear. The thought of seeing Dana, and perhaps Collins or McKay if you’re lucky, makes your heart swell. Robby will be easy to avoid if you stay vigilant. Tucking your book into your tote, you stand and prepare yourself for battle. It’s easy to make your way to Dennis, who looks like a circus performer, and grab two of the drink trays. “C’mon, kid. Let’s caffeinate these people.”

It feels like a dream you’ve dreamt a thousand times. Walking into the ER, looking fabulous with your makeup just right and your best perfume on. Dropping off a sick friend and running into Robby, stunning him with your six-month post-divorce glow up. Or maybe it’s a year later and you bring in an injured and scandalously younger boyfriend to show him what he’s missing. After those dreams, you always wake up empty, soul heavy. In other ones, it’s you on the gurney, letting him prove to himself he can save the people he loves, that you’re not just another Adamson. A romantic revelation that would fix those last hollow months of your marriage, grief and regret heavy on his tongue but never making its way out. Those end in tears, your face wet when you wake.

You’d never imagined this - your best weekend leggings and your favorite tote swinging from your shoulder as you follow in what has to be Robby's baby intern. You nod at the woman behind the counter, a new person you don’t know. She seems about to stop you from going in but then you hear a clear voice yell your name. So much for an in and out mission.

McKay greeted you with a warm smile, taking one of the drink trays from you as she nudges your shoulder. “Long time no see!” Her friendly tone makes you ache with regret. You’ve kept up with Dana only because she forced her way into your new, solitary life. It felt uncouth to reach out to McKay or Collins, like it would seem a ploy to get back to Robby. Shame ruins through your veins at your actions, or lack thereof. “Hey, I’m sorry for the ghosting. Been going through some stuff. I like your new bangs!” She doesn’t let you distract her, brows staying knitted at your second sentence. For once, you hate how determined she can be, her maternal instincts knowing no bounds. “What stuff?” McKay pulls you off the side, ignoring the drinks in both of your hands that are definitely in demand.

“Well, I’m sure you already know.” You roll your shoulder forward to emphasize your point. It’s pretty clear what you’re talking about, but the word ‘divorce’ feels too ugly to mention between you two. She doesn’t seem to get the memo, looking you up and down like she’s expecting the answer to pop out of the sweater you’re wearing. “I don’t get paid enough for you to waste my time being all facetious.” You snort, but the anticipation of your next words sobers you quickly. “Moving out, finding a new place, all the paperwork. It’s been a lot, but I should’ve kept up and I’m sorry.” Her lips purse in confusion. There’s a strain around her shoulders and you hate that this talk might be causing it, probably reminding her of her own divorce. “Did something happen at your old apartment? We don’t talk personal lives too much, but Robby would’ve mentioned a flood or something. Or did you guys finally get a bigger place?” The thought of that lightens her eyes, a rare smile you don’t see too much in the ER. Your heart sinks.

Robby didn’t tell her.

Of course, he left the hard stuff to you, once again. “Cass…” you trail off, unsure how to continue. Once again, you’re saved by an interruption. “What are you doing, robbing my best staff and not saying hi?” Dana appears, her short white-blond hair framing her face like a stern angel. You’ve haven’t seen her in a month and a half since she took some time off to deal with personal stuff after a particularly rough shift. She’s never been a big texter, so you anticipated more information at your future catch up, planned for next week. “I ran into one of the interns looking lost in the cafe over and simply had to help.” You tease. Your eyes meet hers but immediately look over her head, searching for him. Wherever she goes, he’s not far behind, always paying his dues in following her wisdom.

“He’s in Trauma 1, helping a drowning victim.” Fuck, you’re caught. Dana smirks at you like she’s inside your head. McKay’s eyes twinkle like there’s something romantic about to happen and you mourn the fact you’re about to give her yet another reason to not believe in a man, again. “I wasn’t looking for him, I was looking for Collins.” You bite, ignoring how McKay’s confusion has reached an all time high to your right. To distract them both, you push the drink tray forward. “I think there’s a hazelnut latte somewhere in here for you, Ms. Busybody.” Dana narrows her eyes as she finds the drink you’re talking about, plucking it out with precision. One drink down, three to go and then you can leave. That intern, Dennis, is nowhere to be found. You’d leave the drinks on the desk, but you know that would be a hazard in so many ways. Plus, some person would probably grab a drink that’s not theirs and you can’t be responsible for pandemonium - you know what lack of caffeine can do to a healthcare worker. Thankfully, the white lids read their contents: black coffee, hot tea, and…hot chocolate? Maybe there’s a kid who needed some comfort.

“Do you know who the rest are for?” You question. Dana shrugs and you can sense some ulterior motive behind her eyes. “Sounds like a question for Whittaker.” That must be Dennis. In the crowd of gurneys and scrubs, you can’t seem to find him. “The hot tea is for Collins and the hot chocolate is for Javadi, one of the interns. Of course, you know who the black coffee is for.” Double fuck.

You had hoped it was someone else who had a taste for black sludge, but unfortunately only one doctor does. Cowardly, you turn to McKay and give her your best try of puppy dog eyes. “Do you mind passing these out?” She snorts, clearly amused. “As if I’m getting between you and Robby mid shift. I remember last October all too well.” You stiffen at the memory. Surprising the staff with pumpkin cookies you’d baked, shrieking when Robby had grabbed you by the hips and ordered you into an unused storage room. How McKay had opened the door (“looking for supplies, I swear I did not want to see any of that”) with your hand in your husband’s scrubs and your leg, chilly in a skirt for easy access, wrapped around his waist.

“I see Collins. It was nice seeing you, McKay.” It’s a rude goodbye, but you can’t stomach anything more. Collins’ signature red jacket is easy to spot as she comes out of one of the nearby rooms, conferring sternly with what seems to be another intern. They just keep multiplying.

“Like I told you, you wait for my instructions, you don’t just intubate because-“ Your eyes catch and the emotional weight around your shoulders sags a bit more. She sends the intern off with one more warning before greeting you with a slight smile. “I heard you needed a hot tea.” You brandish the drink tray like a shield. She takes the cup delicately, taking a small sip and sighing in delight. “I haven’t seen you in six months. Work trip or something? Robby’s been worse than usual.” He didn’t tell her either. It’s starting to look like the only people who know about your divorce are you, Robby, and Dana. It begs the question why, but you’re not strong enough to answer. You know Collins would be a good person to confide in, but you don’t want to drop a bomb on what looks like an exhausting day. Her outward mask might be tough, but once you got over the awkwardness of her being Robby’s long-ago fling, you’ve always been able to see right through it.

“Something like that. You okay?” You move her off to the side before she can get swept into another case. She gives you another one of those barely-there smiles, and you ache to think that she’s been struggling with something, maybe worse than you. Maybe she sees something reflected back, because in a rare move, she opens up. “I had a miscarriage a month ago.” On instinct, you find an empty chair to set the drink tray on before sweeping her in your arms. She doesn’t like to be touched by many, especially at work, but she makes an exception for you.

“Oh, Heather.” It’s all you can say. She doesn’t cry, too battle worn and aware of the eyes on her, but the breath she takes is a near thing. After a few seconds, she pulls back, tight lipped and eyes shining. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there, but this isn’t about me. Oh, honey.” You murmur. You squeeze her hand, trying to impress on her all the things you cannot say. Heather Collins doesn’t like empty platitudes, so you don’t try to give her any. For a second, she squeezes your hand back before her mask slides back into place. “Thank you. Robby’s been kind, let me go home early the day it happened and pick the best shifts. It seems he kept it secret, so I’m thankful.” You don’t mention that the last time you talked to him was six months ago in a lawyers office. You know Robby and even if you were still together, he would’ve taken this secret to the grave. One of the things you love about him.

She switches the topic to you, asking about your supposed trip, but a miracle, or rather a group of interns, rumbles past you. You might not be a doctor but they’re easy to spot, unsure or overconfident, spilling unhelpful advice like gospel. “Hey! Any of you Javadi?” You call out. The girl nearest you whips her head around like you just cursed her name. She looks barely past college, hair pulled back into a ponytail of midnight black. “Me. I- that’s me.” You bend down, plucking the hot chocolate out of its tray and handing it to her. Her eyes are bright and thankful, like it's a winning lottery ticket instead of a drink. “Thank you! I’m sorry, I don’t know your name, Doctor…”

“Robby!” The middle intern says, her posture stiff with self-confidence. “Um…” you trail off, looking to Collins for help before remembering she doesn’t know. “I heard Princess and Perlah talking. You’re Robby’s wife, right?” All you can do is gape at the gall of her, your mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Collins restrains a laugh, unhelpful, and the other interns are looking at you like you’ve hung the stars. What in the world do you-

“Indeed. Last time I checked, this was a hospital to learn, not gossip. Keep it moving, you three.” His voice is like melted honey, warm and gooey and too comforting to name. Collins mentions something about a patient, taking her leave with raised eyebrows. It’s hard, but you try not to acknowledge the voice behind you as you watch her walk away. Only when her red jacket disappears from view do you turn.

He doesn’t look good. It’s what you said you wanted, of course, but the truth is, you’re just concerned. There’s dark circles under his eyes, almost covered by those black rounded glasses of his. A few new grays grace the side of his head, stark against the rest of him. The wrinkles on his face make him look aged, not the wise wizard you forced him to be for Halloween a few years ago. His scruffy beard dots his jawline and the ache to feel it is so deep, you fear it’ll never leave.

“Hi.” You whisper shyly, a knock-kneed girl instead of the woman you are. He smiles that gentle smile of his, crow's feet unapologetic, and it seems to turn back time. Just yesterday, you might’ve been making dinner together or cuddling on the couch. “Hi. I heard you’ve got a drink for me?” You nod, not trusting your voice as you point to the chair in between you. Deft fingers find his cup and pull. It’s hard not to watch them work, not to trace the calluses and the nimble movements. “Since when do interns order you around?” He asks, taking a second to gulp down his coffee. You stare at the movement of his throat, so many dirty memories making themselves known in the back of your head. “I’ve been demoted, I guess.” It didn’t mean to come out like that but it’s clear that’s what he thinks, a sudden frown appearing on his face.

“Is something wrong? Some paperwork I need to sign?” He asks in a burst. Your stomach churns at the rejection and instinctively, you take a step back. He seems to try to follow you, but the leg of the chair stops him. “No, I just - It’s funny, I guess. I was at that new cafe across the street and ran into an intern who looked like he needed help and well, I figured it would be nice to see Cassie and Heather, so here I am.” You end your rant with a shrug, instantly regretting every decision that led you here. Of course you were going to run into him. There wasn’t any other path, not for you. And of course, he just thinks you’re here for paperwork. He’s clearly moved on, even if he looks like he’s hurting. It’s time you do to.

“Well, that’s all my drinks, so…” Trailing off, you look around desperately for help. The Pitt seems to be against you, everyone following their standard practice of leaving you two alone when all you want is to be away from him. “How are you?” He whispers like a secret, voice raspy but sure. Emotion swells in your sternum instantly at his question. Soft eyes take your awkwardness in stride as he steps around the chair until he’s on your left, back to the Pitt. The familiarity of it is like a bullet to chest. “I’m fine. You?”

Robby shrugs, letting you trace the lines of his shoulders under that familiar sweatshirt. "Rough couple of months, to be honest." You blink at his honesty. That same honesty that led to that fateful conversation - you'd served him the divorce papers, but he was the one to suggest lawyers and due process. The papers were meant to wake him up, make him realize how much he needed to fix this, but all they did was end things.

"I wanted to see you. Dana wouldn't give me your new address, something about not being ready. Plus, I think you blocked me," he laughs at himself like it's funny, what he's admitting. A thousand questions form, 'why' and 'when' and 'what'. You'd blocked him and deleted his number the moment the papers finalized, knowing you weren't strong enough to truly recover if you could talk to him. It looks like he didn't do the same, and a rare burst of hope shines through the fog that's made itself at home in your brain. You gape, no words coming to you.

One of those hands, strong and capable and not yours, raises to push his glasses up his nose. You freeze.

It's still there.

Three years ago, ring shopping to find a perfect band. He got a black plastic version as well, something he could wear to work without worrying about blood or a rogue patient. That same black band still graces his ring finger, a blaring alarm that things aren't what they seemed.

"Michael." There's nothing else to add, your eyes still trained on his hand. Of course, all-seeing as he is, he picks up on what you're looking at right away. He's quiet, face worn with contemplation. "Why?" You ask, voice wavering. Tears form in an instant, choking any air in your lungs. "I couldn't take it off," he admits, somber. You think of your own ring, tucked away in your new bedstand that you had to build yourself. "I don't understand," you rasp.

"Baby, I've been-"

"Robby, we need you!" A voice breaks through the bubble you're in. Without realizing, you've become almost nose-to-nose, curling your hands to your chest in an attempt to not touch him. He sighs, pulling back a little, and it's like losing the warmth of the sun. "You know where the staff lounge is?" He asks, smiling when you nod immediately. "Wait for me. I'll be there soon." He hands you his coffee and rips himself away, already reaching for a hand sanitizer station.

-

In the staff lounge, your book sits unopened on the table. It's hard to do when your mind won't stop whirling, wondering if you've gotten this all wrong. The door bursts open and you snap up, hopeful, only to shrink a little when you realize it's not him. You recover quickly, not wanting to seem rude in a place you're not supposed to be in. "Hi, Kiara." You've only met her once or twice, but she's the kind of comforting soul you'd remember. She gives you a smile and then beelines for the electric kettle in the back. "Mrs. Robby, how are you?" You gulp at her question, realizing your ex-husband truly told no one about his divorce. "I've been better, but nothing I can't handle. You?" It's hard not to be honest when she's so easy to talk to, pulling out a chair for her to wait for her kettle. "One of those days. A mother just lost her child, so I'm making her a hot tea." Despite the dark news, the tight-lipped smile she sends you seems genuine. You ask about the ER overall and she tells you about the mass-casualty event that happened last month. You know a bit from Jake's mom, checking in on him through her instead of wanting to bother a grieving teenager who'd already been frustrated about the divorce.

As the kettle finishes, the door bangs open again. This time it is Robby, who looks flustered but sends you a smile anyways. It's like licking a spoon of brownie batter - secretive and a little wrong, but delicious anyways. You shouldn't have waited, should've left when you could, but deep down you need your questions answered. Kiara passes him with a cup in her hands, whispering something into his ear as she leaves. "I will." Robby replies, making you frown at the secrecy. Usually, if they're discussing a patient, they'll do it in front of you without names. Whatever that was had to be personal, and you're too emotionally raw not to ask.

"What was that?" You mutter, a little unkindly. Robby takes a seat, and you push his coffee cup towards him. His knee taps yours in thanks and stays there, its presence bewildering but not unwelcome. "She told me to use the communication skills we've been talking about." A laugh bursts out of you and you regret it instantly, your knee pressing into his. "Since when do you have communication skills?" You chortle. That's one of the things he might have at work, but never in a relationship. It used to be a joke between you, how you had to pry his true feelings out of him at the beginning of your relationship, but it turned to bitter satire in the end.

A heavy hand lands on your thigh, burning its way through the thin fabric of your leggings. "I know my communication has been...lacking," you hold back a snort, "but after last month, I've been talking to Kiara. Seems like I should've been following my own advice all this time." He admits, squeezing your thigh at the end of his sentence. Wide-eyed shock works its way through your veins. He actually addressed the major reason you said you wanted a divorce. The contentment you feel is like a nugget of gold, there for you to hoard and keep safe from judgement.

"Robby, that's wonderful. I'm proud of you, really." You exclaim, finding his hand on your leg and covering it with your own. The silicone of his ring digs into your fingers, and you let it. "I like it better when you call me Michael." He confesses. His chair squeaks as he turns towards you, shifting positions until his knees bracket yours on either side. His free hand raises to cup your face, familiar fingers petting your hair and your skin.

"Why are you wearing your ring, Michael?" You blurt, the need for his answer too great to hold back. Your ex-husband sighs, leaning forward until his face is all you see. On instinct, you reach out to take off his glasses and set them on the table. He always complained they hurt his nose, so he only wears them when reading. You brush the imprint left behind, smoothing down red marks and tracing the places you used to kiss every morning.

"You're still the love of my life, sweetheart." He confesses as you stiffen. He takes the lead, guiding you out of the chair and onto the worn couch on the far side of the room. It's easier to sink into his hold here, your face and your heart in the palms of his hands. Yells echo through the door, giving you an out to slide back and interrogate.

"That's how you treat the love of your life? You barely talked to me for months, Robby. You refused to go to therapy or marriage counseling and..." What you leave unsaid is too hurtful to bare. An old insecurity that was watered by months of loneliness, Robby picking up shifts to skip out on weekends together. "And what, baby? Don't hold back now." He practically demands, tugging your legs into his lap so you're under the full force of his stare. "And you started skipping weekends with me. Taking shifts when we were supposed to go on dates. Smelling different, like perfume instead of disinfectant." You whisper the last part, staring at your hands in your lap.

He laughs. An actual laugh.

You try to push off of him, but he tugs you until all the fight drains out. "I really fucked this up, haven't I?" He states. Robby almost never swears, so the use of one makes you pay attention. "Will you stop being an asshole and tell me what you mean?" You pout, upset that your emotions are getting brushed off. His thumb brushes over your bottom lip that juts out, tucking it back until he touches your teeth. "Detergent, baby, I swear. They found some awful cheap laundry detergent for our scrubs. I had some bad luck for weeks, fluids on me every day." He reasons, but you refuse to believe it. He knows you too well, of course. Robby tilts your chin until your eyes catch on a box of Rose Detergent for Hospitals, Clinics, and More near the trash can.

"This is what I mean, Michael! This kind of shit was in my head for months but I couldn't talk to you." He sobers instantly, that constant forlorn expression of his making itself known on his face. Robby interlaces your hands, laying his in your lap. Against your will, it grounds you. "The administration had wanted me to do a post-COVID remembrance for all the workers we lost and I just couldn't. Couldn't look at you without being reminded that I lived when so many better people died. I felt like I didn't deserve our happiness, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry." Only when he brushes your face do you realize it's wet. This is what you wanted for months, to hear the thoughts in his head instead of his sarcastic quips or his no-nonsense tone. This was your husband.

He held you to his chest, letting you calm down to the sound of his heartbeat. There's a compulsion under your skin, wanting to bind you two together until you don't know where you end and he begins. Ambulance sirens and pattering footsteps and shouts of pain all fade away when you work your hands through his scruffy beard, admiring the glints of silver that show here and there. "You might be a doctor, but you're an idiot." He nods, letting you curl further into him. "I don't regret divorcing you, because I am not doing your emotional labor for you." Another nod, this one shorter and more serious. "But I'm willing to try again, if you want to. The right way, where we go to counseling and actually talk." Finally, a grin. It changes his entire face, muscle and sinew rearranging into the man you once knew.

He doesn't have to answer. His kiss does it for him.

It's soft and tentative, barely there. A surge of anger sinks through you at how utterly bull-headed he's been. You push into him until his back hits the sofa, climbing him until your pelvises meet in a kiss. You pour months of resentment into your kiss and he meets you halfway, muscles under you tensing as you clash. "You asked to get lawyers." You bite his jaw as you say it, a fact you've been stewing over. "Wanted to make sure you got my money." He squeezes your ass, pulling you into him until you roll your hips over his cock, barely contained by his scrubs. This isn't the place for your first recoupling, but with how the couch is out of the way of the window over the door, and that no one seems to be looking for him, it'll do for now.

"Such a stubborn old man." You gripe, then gasp as he nips your neck. Robby lays kisses to your jaw, trailing down to your neck and sucking hard like a teenager. Broad hands urge your hips to grind, fucking yourself in his lap as you chase satisfaction. It's been so long since you've had an orgasm, every attempt reminding you of Robby. "Pretty sure you used to call me something else, baby." He mutters, one hand leaving your waist to sneak under your sweater. He finds your nipples hardened and achy, pulling one out of your bra cup and rolling it between his fingers. "I only call my husband that." You whine as your clit hits just the right angle of his clothed cock, bucking faster in his lap.

"Everyone around here knows you as my wife." He shoots back, pinching your nipple to emphasize his point. You find the crook of his neck and lay your forehead there, panting as your thighs burn with their ministrations. His hand on your waist flattens, fingers inching closer to your front but not where you need them. It's clear he's waiting for something, his thumb tracing the outline of your panties as he stays there. The longing to give in is too great.

"Please, Daddy. I need to come." You moan, not letting shame make its way into your head. You can feel him grin against you as his thumb finds your clothed clit, rubbing small circles as you keep bucking. It's what you needed, release creeping over you until you collapse in his arms. He moves his hips a few times into you until you complain of overstimulation.

"Think I just came in my pants." He mutters as you pull back. Giggles erupt from you, turning into snorts as you take in the pained expression on his face. Dr. Michael Robinavitch, coming in his pants like a teenager as his wife straddles him.

"Good thing they have scrubs. And a new rose detergent, I heard." You sass, squealing as he pinches your nipple, still cupped in his hand. He rights your clothing as you calm down, tucking your bra back in place and untwisting your leggings. "You're lucky I love you." He pecks your forehead before resting his own against it. You close your eyes in satisfaction, relieved to have filled this year-old hole in your heart. "I love you too, Michael." Your breaths mingle for a few moments, peace in the middle of the most unpeaceful place in Pittsburg.

Someone bangs on the door. Dana smirks at both of you like she predicted this was coming. "Two GSW's on the way, five minutes." You both sigh at getting caught, yet again. At least it was Dana. "Just enough time to get new scrubs." You cheer. He laughs, moving you both to a standing position before pecking your forehead again. "Put your address in my phone." He orders, fishing out his phone from where it fell into the couch cushions. "So forward, Doctor." You laugh as you type into his familiar phone. "I'll be over with takeout around 7:30, Mrs. Robinavitch." You grin.

"With your luck, it'll be 8 o'clock."

"Will you still wait?"

"Always."

-

this got away from me but wow it was necessary

[angel-w1ngz]

Earth Angel pt 2

Prompt: You get zapped into supernatural the way Dean and Sam did in that one episode

Notes: finally here's pt2 to the last drabble I did, keep in mind I don't usually write stuff like this. (This also isn't proof read)

(pt 1)

"I need help getting back home" you spoke staring at the two hunters and angel before you.

"wait can we touch back on the whole TV show thing?" Dean spoke confused, waving his hands around as a way to show his emotions.

"Dean we don't have time eventually those vamps are going to catch up to us" Castiel spoke in a sort of matter of a fact way.

You gulped, seeing these things on your TV screen was one thing but living it was a whole other. You dealt with sick patients and victims of crimes not something trying to kill you.

"how about we forget that and just leave?" You laughed nervously earning an eye roll from Dean.

Almost on que a vampire came rushing behind you with a horrible screech. You turned around and couldn't help but let out a scream. You always made fun of the people screaming and whining when faced with a monster but now you happened to be in their position.

"get down!" Sam yelled causing you to drop to your knees, you heard the sounds of bullets before a rushing of feet.

You looked up watching Sam take down the vampire with a quick swift move of a machete quickly chopping it's head off. You felt nauseous almost dizzy too. You felt a hand on your shoulder, turning to look up you were met with blue eyes staring back at your own.

"are you alright?" Castiel spoke gruffly.

Your face flushed red as you quickly got back to your feet. "Yes-yeah I'm fine" you dusted off your scrubs as Dean and Sam faced you.

"alright new plan leave and get her back to the bunker and handle the nest afterwards" Dean spoke with a rushed tone before walking past the three of you and heading to the impala.

You sat at the map themed table in front of Castiel. Dean and Sam left almost as soon as you guys arrived at the bunker to finish off the vamp nest.

You felt shock, you were really in this. You were really stuck in monster land.

"how exactly did you end up here?" Castiel looked at you. He could sense you weren't of this world and it made him curious how some one of normality would end up here.

"well I uh..I went to turn on, well supernatural and this glowing purple light showed up and stupidly I touched it and ended up here" you looked up at the angel, laughing nervously as you spoke.

"that's almost exactly what happened to us..." He spoke in an almost thoughtful tone like he was full of questions that he wasn't ready to yet ask.

"do you have monsters in your world?" Castiel asked

"well, it depends on what you consider monsters" you started off. Looking over at Castiel your eyes couldn't help but roam he just looked well hot.

Castiel could sense your attraction to him and there was no denying he found you attractive as well but he knew better than to let the risk of a nephilim become apparent. He also knew an angel and human was strictly forbidden.

Castiel let his eyes linger on you for a second before leaning slightly over the table. "Listen-"

Right before he could finish his sentence Dean bursted through the door holding a bag of food.

"we got burgers! You do like burgers right?" He looked at you with a raised eyebrow

"oh god you have no idea" you spoke with a smile as the take out box was sat in front of you.

"I like her already, Sammy why can't you be more like her, ya know with all your rabbit food would it kill you to eat a burger?"

"yes Dean it might, like later in life I mean" Sam rolled his eyes and took a seat next to Dean at the table.

Castiel's gaze was still fixed on you, while your entire focus was the burger in front of you. You and Dean almost mirrored each other with the way you two ate. Sam found it hilarious while Castiel was indifferent.

"so I'm thinkin' you take one of these rooms, get yourself situated and we look through the lore to see if we can't sent you back home, Sammy will lend you some of his clothes for the time being" Dean spoke as he lead you down the hall filled with empty bedrooms.

Sam had already laid out an outfit in the room for you while Castiel who walked behind you and Castiel seemed to be slightly annoyed by the idea of you wearing Sam's clothes. You couldn't read his expression that well but Dean definitely could.

"Thanks, Dean" you gave a smile as you walked into your now bedroom and shut the door. You sighed you couldn't believe what your life had come to. Four years of shitty nursing school to end up here with characters from a freaking TV show. You hadn't even gotten to finish the show either so you had no clue what was to come next.

You looked down at the clothes sat on your bed and raised an eyebrow. Half of this was going to be like a nightgown on you. 'damnit moose' you rolled your eyes.

After a quick shower and getting changed you crawled into the bed and let out a sigh.

Right as you were almost asleep you heard a knock at your door. You got up and grudgingly opened the door and looked up to be met with a pair of blue eyes. Your heart nearly stopped as Castiel pushed his way inside and shut the door.

You couldn't read his expression, he seemed maybe angry or maybe annoyed but you couldn't put your finger on it.

"Castiel? What's wrong? Did I do something?" You felt worried that you might've made the angel angry which was the last thing you wanted.

"there's something about you..I can't figure it out" he spoke gruffly before nearly backing you up to the wall.

His hand moved to your face and you felt your cheeks raise in heat.

"c-cas, stop this you know that this is bad" you let out a nervous laugh before pushing his hand away and moving from him and sitting on the bed. 'oh dear God I can't believe this' you almost squealed in excitement but you knew as much as Castiel that this was dangerous not just for your life and the nephilim risk but your will to want to even go back home.

Right as you were going to speak you felt a pair of lips crash into yours. Your eyes widened but you couldn't help but melt into the kiss. You closed your eyes and reached your hands up to lay on his shoulders.

Castiel pulled back looking down at you and quickly stepped away. "This was..uh a mistake" and just like that he left your room.

"God damn it" you sighed and laid back in your bed. 'great now things are going to be awkward' you thought to yourself.

[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 8🚨

Dimension20 "Fantasy High Junior Year"

Fracas at the Frostyfaire Folk Festival

Timestamp: 34:54

Video Length: 4min. & 45sec.

Research into Cassandra and Ruvina + Learning about Oblivati Mori (Pt.1 | ‣Pt.2 | Pt.3)

Fig: "Do you want a Bardic?"

Fabian: "I can... Hey, The Ball? Let me help."

Riz: : "Okay, yeah. It's just-"

Gorgug: "Can I have a Bardic?"

Riz: "It's just the dust mites."

Fig: "Do you want some help?"

Riz: "I'm a little worried about the dust mites!" 😭✋ (Murph's CONCERNED FACE! 😭✋)

Fig: "Here!" *starts to play* 😭✋

Riz: "Oh no! It's okay!" 😭✋

Emily: "If you see me wink, you get a Bardic." (😭😭😭😭✋✋✋✋)

Murph: Okay, okay. (*blocking Emily's winks with his hands*! 😭✋)

Lou: "Can my Bardic just be that I run screen?" 😭✋

Fabian: "No, no, look at me. No!"

Emily: "Don't you want it? Don't you want it?" (😭😭😭😭)

Murph: "Okay, right off the bat, dirty 20. Should I throw this on there and try to-"

Emily: "Yeah!"

Siobhan: "why not?!"

Lou: "Come on, baby. Let's cook."

Murph: "26."

Lou: "We stay eatin'!"

Brennan: "Hell yes."

Ally: "A feast."

Murph: "So afraid of dust mites. Are there..." 😭✋

Brennan: "So I think you're going through Rana's stuff, which is all the actual, the poetic... She was the cleric of the group, right? And you're going through Cormyr's stuff. Cormyr was a sorcerer, but you actually see, for someone that was innately magical, Cormyr had very meticulous notes, beautiful script, and has something written out which is a long... You can tell it's a copying of another text. As you arrive at it, it's basically, he wrote a glossary literally for the possibility that they would all die on this mission, and another group of adventurers would find this stuff and could pick up where they left off."

Emily: "We should remember to do that in the future." 😭😭😭✋✋✋

Siobhan: "Put it on the board. Put it on the board!"

Brennan: "You find-"

Gorgug: "A for Adaine."

Brennan: "You find-"

Adaine: "That's my name! What?"

Fig: "I think it's the information, not us." 😭✋

Gorgug: "Oh, well, how holistic is it?"

Adaine: "Catch up. Stop thinking about-[inaudible]"

Riz: "I texted you this stuff, man!" 😭✋

Gorgug: "Got it." 💀💀

Brennan: "What you see is, there is the beginning of a text that is written- and I think that... Adaine, go ahead and give me one more- give me actually, an Arcana, 'cause you rolled History. Give me an Arcana real quick."

Siobhan: "I did roll History...23."

Lou: "Sexy." 😂💀

Brennan: "You are able to point out- you know that what you're looking at is not a spell. But Adaine, you're familiar that there's lots of kinds of magical writing that are not spells. There's ways of annotating things that are magical laws or precepts, and what you are seeing here is a dually arcane and religious axiom of magical law of Spyre. And what you see is it says, "Obliviati Mori."

Emily: "Remember you will die? Or forget you will die?!" (👀👀)

Brennan: "Clerics call it Obliviati Mori, but you see that as an arcane rule, it is called the Law of Theothanatic Silence."

Siobhan: "So that's when a god dies, you forget their name."

Brennan: "Yes. But you see that he's writing down all the mortal stuff you already know. When a god dies, you forget their name. When a god dies, they're scrubbed from existence. When a god dies, da da da da da. But you guys also know that for all that being said, 'Yes!' is dead because nobody believes in it, but people remember 'Yes!', right?"

Siobhan: "Oh, we all remember 'Yes!'." 😭✋

Brennan: "You all remember 'Yes!'."

Zac: "I'll never forget that thing."

Siobhan: "They had a cogent philosophy that we comprehended deeply."

Ally: "Maybe we should forget, though." (😭😭✋✋)

Fig: "Just to be clear, when I was talking about becoming a paladin, it was for 'Yes!'." (😭😭✋✋)

Kristen: "Wait, what? No, no!" 😭✋

Adaine: "Wait, for 'Yes!' or for 'Yes??'" 💀💀💀

Zac: "I'll never forget that thing sliding out of-" 😭✋

Ally: "Yeah, sliding out of that hole." 😭✋

Siobhan: "Just so wet."

Murph: "That thing getting pooped out of space." 😭😭✋✋

Brennan: "Basically, there is an intense series of rules and restrictions, but you see this rule doesn't apply to mortals. It applies to the gods."

Siobhan: "Oh! So the gods also forget the name?!"

Brennan: "They do not."

Siobhan: "Oh! And that's why we remember Yes!, 'cause we're all gods!" (😂💀 IMAGINE! 😂💀)

Brennan: "You're all gods! Obliviati Mori is a precept that binds deities to not evangelize or even speak of fallen deities to mortals. In other words, it's written out as a precept of basically like, if a god succumbs to some form of death, they become archfey, they become a demon or a celestial rather than a full deity, if they only have a few dozen followers and another god kills them and they don't have the strength to withstand that, or if literally, in the most extreme cases, their name is fully forgotten, other deities are not allowed to effectively remind mortals of their existence."

Siobhan: "So does that mean that the person who wrote the note that is supposed to be from Lucy was actually a god?"

Brennan: "It makes it very unclear who could have written that. Because you're in this weird position where you guys can all write Yes!, you can write Cassandra. This god is one whose name has actually been forgotten or scrubbed by every single mortal."

[isekai-crow]

Doctor Elise Ep. 5

| Ep 1 | Ep 2 | Ep 3-4 |

Nuuuuuu I'm finally caught up with Doctor Elise.... My potato chips....

This was a very fun (Mary Sue (positive)) Girl Boss episode, with Elise taking proud ownership of what she did despite being disbelieved, and keeping things professional between her and her patient.

This Prince y'all. He don't know shit about romance. He's never had the inclination to even bother with romance before, and watching his little baby-deer-leg-like attempts is very very cute. It's very fun to be watching this and the BL/yaoi Cherry Magic at the same time because man they are two sides of the same coin in playing with tropes and dealing with power imbalance in romance.

THIS show could be a yaoi if it WASN'T A COWARD.

I am enjoying this show SO MUCH because I (am old) enjoyed watching Dr. House, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, and the autopsy/sciencey bits in CSI:LV and NCIS (with Abby!)

Capybara is enjoying this because he is a connoisseur of well researched fanfiction, with Sick Fic being one of his main staples. He has learned to recognize certain illnesses because some of his favorite authors do a shit ton of research on what to do to their whumpees darlings, and those well researched stories don't go with boring reasons for why certain symptoms are appearing, but more realistic diagnostics.

He was very excited at guessing what was wrong with each patient in these episode and it was fun to watch him get excited about it.

Spoilers Under the Cut

Elise defending and explaining her report about the Splenectomy was funny because... her hand writing was such an issue, but despite all the little hearts and the poor writing that is OBVIOUSLY not Dr. Graham, they still have trouble believing it's hers until she can walk them through the report.

MORE HAND WAVING WITH THE "I turned this surgery over and over in my head" (more like she already did a successful one with the Dead Mom Hair lady) Its just barely believable, but it marks her as a literal genius, and actually makes for a good story if she WAS an actual medical genius.

HMM I WONDER WHY THE TEST IS GOING TO BE HARDER THIS YEAR??? Fuck all the other students, we wanna make this lady fail so she can be queen! But she has 3 doctor reccs to be able to take the medical exam!

And another doctor immediately tries to steal her with NO consideration for the Head of the Hospital and Head of Surgery being RIGHT THERE IN THE ROOM WITH THEM. No subtly this man, which makes sense if he CANT EVEN RECOGNIZE ONE OF HIS REGULAR PATIENTS!!!! FAILURE.

This No-Thoughts-Head-Empty Just Having A Good Time face is so funny to me.

Then we get some more reminiscent of the backstory, and I'm okay with this being a little Mary Sue -ish type tragic backstory cause she kinda deserved it, admits she deserved it, and is trying to make amends (because she wasn't THAT evil of a villainess, just an ignorant and spoiled rich kid).

But the Prince finally admitted something was wrong with himself and goes to the clinic to get himself checked out by Elise/Rose while he is in his Ron disguise. He finds her pulling ivy off the buildings, and MAN the initial angle on this made it look like she was two stories up (so I started chanting fall, fall, fall so that you can get caught).

but no, she's on a fucking step stool lmao.

We DO get a classic "Staring at each other from across the way as the wind blows and their eyes meet and they have Thoughts."

She then proceeds to diagnose him and Capybara started chanting "Hyper thyroidism? Hyperthyroidism." as each symptom and question is answered

and dammit he was RIGHT!!!

AND OH. I WAS WRONG. YES. GOOD.

THIS SHOW IS A YAOI AND ELISE IS THE SEME.

LOOK AT THIS BLUSHING MESS OF AN UKE. She's taking your PULSE, sir, not your CLOTHES OFF.

And he keeps coming back for more lmao. And is SO UPSET when the two months are up. But is probably like HELL YES I GET TO MARRY THIS LADY. maybe. the thought probably hasn't occured to him actually now that I think about it...

Until he goes to her BROTHER for advice on what to get her, and despite being the grumpy big bro IS SO ACCURATE IN HIS ADVICE. But the Prince thinks he knows best (with ZERO experience, like, what did you even ask him for then?) and gets her a shiny thing instead and fails.

It's all worth it though cause Babygirlboy prince smiles in the end!

R E W A R D GET

I want more potato chips. Please let next week come soon so I can have more potato chips anime. Please.

[augustwinesworld]

to that anon that sent you that rude ass message about cuts — you’re mom is a hoe, go learn some manners u rude ass b!tch

OK with that taken care of…

I am obsessed with ‘I look in peoples windows’. You tied the title/song so poetically to that moment where Robbie is standing outside watching from her. The despair is just so… I can’t even explain it. The way you’re exploring this premise is very unique and your dialogue/descriptions are so on character and on-point I can almost see everything happening play as an episode in my mind. Your Spotify playlist is also so good, I’ve been enjoying it all day just thinking about part three. The angst potential and just exploring the dynamics of what was happening in Robby’s life that pushed him to leave and what she felt as she decided to carry out the pregnancy without notifying him, that moment she gave birth was probably so emotional because she did it basically alone. it feels like she loved him so much. It almost registered as a death her decision to not have him in her life in way, shape or form.

I also deeply respect the reader tag, but just for my head as i’m a very visual person, I’m going to cast Rachel McAdams because A) she kinda fits the description of hazel eyes, B) in that age range and C) there’s gifs of her in scrubs. lol

thank you so much for giving your time to add to this fandom. This is truly has deep potential to be one of the greatest ones.

LMAOOOOOO I LOVE U ALREADY NONNIE<3<3<3 tbf I understood where they were coming from (though they absolutely DID NOT have to be su fucking rude ab it) but I love u for thissss, my knight in a shining armour ε(´｡•᎑•`)っ 💕 I am SO GLAD you're enjoying my ramblings!! I could cry (I did) reading this 😭💘 thank you for riding this emotional rollercoaster with me!! I'm so glad you're picking up what I’ve been trying to build—and the fact that it’s playing like a movie in your mind means everything, because I really wanted this to feel like you’re right there in every scene.

I’m super visual too, which is why when I first heard “I Look In People's Windows” (while deep in the Pitt rabbit hole lmao), it just hit something. I actually broke the song down into scenes when outlining, so some moments later on will tie back into that imagery even more 👀✨

As for the playlist—ahhh I’m thrilled you’re enjoying it!! I listen to music constantly while writing, and so many lyrics just slip into the fic (sometimes without me even realizing it). It really helps me shape the mood and “paint” each scene. (every time I add a song to the playlist I add what lyric made me add it in a separate tab in the doc like I did for wattpad lmaooo—some habits die hard ig???)

There’s definitely more angst coming (I regret nothing). I'm treating this fic almost like a character study—it might slow down at times, like in the last chapter, but I really wanted to sit with her in those raw emotions, and all that grief too. Because like… she’s strong, yes, but who the hell would be okay going through all that hell alone?? and hormonal??? yeah, not me.

We’ll be diving even deeper into both their perspectives down the line—especially Robby’s reasons, and her journey through all of it. There’s a lot we don’t know yet. But you’re so right: they loved each other so much. That’s what makes all of this so heavy.

Rachel McAdams??? I love her 😭 The Notebook and every other Nicholas Sparks adaptation consumed my teenage soul, don’t even worry lmaoo. 

That said, I briefly panicked reading this thinking I accidentally dropped a specific physical description somewhere lmao—but I think you’re talking about when Robby mentions the boy’s eyes? I was mostly trying to hint at the idea that they don’t look like someone else’s (👀 ie. other possible partners—he’s a little bit toxic but we love him for it), so hazel/green was more just general and neutral rather than identifying. BUT—you might appreciate this: I actually wrote up a whole mini character study about the reader (nothing super specific, more like how she wears her hair, personality, family history, and moodboard), and based a lot of her vibe off of Addison Montgomery and Izzie Stevens. Not them exactly, but these icons were a big inspo rewatching early grey's. And that last part?? I had to sit down for a second omg 😭 Thank you for being so kind and giving this story a chance!! knowing someone’s out there vibing with this mess of feelings makes all the late-night writing spirals worth it 💕 You’re making this such a joy to write 🫶💌

[lt-banks]

Backstory 02. Baby Blue Tie

Little backstory drabble. Cried writing it. 😭

Holly is approximatley 16 in this.

Tw: Death, police interaction inaccuracy (I did research I swear), not proof read ☺️👉👈

Her father watches his reflection in the mirror as he adjusts his baby blue tie, mumbling something in his thick scouse accent about the 'stupid fucking tie'. He glances at Holly, huffing. "Should I bother with the tie, kid?"

Currently recovering from giggling at her baby sister, Holly looks up, still wearing her school uniform. Tilting her head, she debates. A tie would make his outfit look smart. But no tie, gives her dad a confident, casual edge.

"No tie." She nods, lifting Charlotte up into her arms.

Allen flashes his stupid lopsided grin, looking her way in the mirror. A smile that speaks to his personality. A smile that warms you straight to the bone. He set the tie down on the sofa, popping a few buttons down and adjusting his collar. God bless his fashion savvy daughter.

"Thanks bab."

Charlotte coos in Holly's arms, chubby little hands grabbing at Holly's chestnut brown hair.

"All good, Da'." She glanced at the stairs, gently bouncing her sister. "Mums taking her time, innit?"

"Be worth it though. She scrubs up nice for date nights, she does."

God her parents were so sickeningly in love.

Click. Clack. Click. Clack.

Heeled feet tap their way down the stairs, revealing Susanne Banks, clad in a gorgeous floral number, blonde hair curled and voluminous.

"Bloody stunning you are." Allen grinned, walking over to her.

Holly nodded in agreement. "Beautiful, Mum! Charlie, doesn't ma-ma look pretty. ~" She nudged her nose into Charlotte's cheek, illiciting a giggle from the chunky little infant.

Susanne smiles, giving Allen a quick kiss, before looking at Holly.

"You're definitely all good to babysit Charlie?" She asked. This was her and Allen's first date night since Charlotte's birth, barely a year ago.

"Course I am. Enjoy yourselves, we'll be fine!"

"Right." Allen nodded in her direction. "Be good then, yeah?" He opened up his wallet, handing Holly £30.

"Get yourself a pizza when Charlotte's asleep." He grinned. "Ye deserve it for giving me an opportunity to take ye mam out, Holly Dolly."

Holly rolled her eyes. "I'm not a little girl anymore, stop calling me that!"

"Never. Love you, girls."

Susanne leant against Allen, watching her two girls.

"We'll be home at 8. Be good. Love you both.

"Love you too."

----

After a night of feeding, bathing and setting Charlotte down for bed, Holly had retreated to the living room - TV on a low volume and a pizza box on the sofa beside her.

7:58 PM. They should be home soon.

The episode of whatever MTV reality show she was mindlessly watching comes to an end.

----

9:30 PM. They're really late home. Must be having a good time.

The sound of crying comes from Charlotte's room, making Holly leave her spot on the sofa to go tend to her.

----

11:00 PM. A knock at the door.

Holly's blood runs cold. Who could possibly be knocking at this time when her Mum and Dad were still out?

She slips downstairs, looking through the peep-hole.

Police?

With furrowed eyebrows, she opened the door.

"What's going on?" She asked, skipping the niceties. Something wasn't right. The expressions on the policemens faces unsettled her.

"Holly Banks?"

"Yes, that's me... Am I in trouble?" she panicked, naively thinking she was in trouble for something trivial like that one time she stole a chocolate bar from Sainsburys after school.

"No, not at all." the first policeman spoke, a slight croak in his voice, as he looked to the other policeman, his superior maybe.

The second spoke, more to the point.

"May we have a conversation inside?"

Holly's breath hitched. What on earth was going on?

"Y-yes... Just be quiet. My baby sisters asleep." she stood to the side, letting them in as she pointed out the living room.

They all took a seat.

"Alright, Holly. This isn't an easy conversation to have but we need to tell you something.

At around 7:47pm there was an accident on the roads involving a drunk driver and your parents."

Her heart stopped.

"First responders and emergency services did what they could..."

No. No, no, no, no.

"They both didn't make it. I'm so sorry."

Her stare became blank as she averted her gaze, a glossy curtain of tears threatening to spill from her moss green eyes.

She sat silently, not absorbing anything being said by them. It was a blur at this point.

Her parents. Dead.

She thought about Charlotte. Asleep upstairs, blissfully unaware of any of this. Unable to comprehend any of it.

Shes growing up without them. No memories to look back on. Nothing.

Maybe that hit her the hardest. She placed her hands over her face and sobbed, a heartbroken gutteral cry leaving her lips as she had to listen to the police rattle on about next steps, support and their new life within the country's foster care system.

Silently she stood up, tears down her face, uncaring of the police in the room. She glanced at them, her eyes drifting to the blue tie her dad almost wore tonight, slipping it between her fingers as she went upstairs to Charlotte's room.

Silently opening the door, she gazed down at her, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. She leant down to lift her, careful not to wake her, sitting in the nursery chair and holding her to her chest, sobbing quietly with the baby blue tie laced inbetween her fingers.

She'd give anything to hear her dad call her "Holly Dolly" again.

[lavenderleahy]

Im sorry to bother you but I saw your tags in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/lavenderleahy/767005666786279424 and had to say YES. You get it! I agree! I have thought this, but did not want to say it because I did not want it to be true. It is definitely slanted towards Buck does not feel as strongly as Tommy, based on 8x06 (and a reasonable reading in keeping with the rest of the text).

My take on this is that Tommy has been keeping a wall up. He’s the Hot Pilot, the cool aloof guy! And that’s great, they get along, but it’s hard to fall in love, truly in love, with a cardboard cutout. It makes sense that Tommy would want to protect himself, especially if he sees their unequal feelings. So the break-up isn’t out of nowhere and in fact this would be ideal and soooo ripe for meaty storytelling and discerning character work but—

I think the show is going to lean into that, and Buck is going to get over it (quickly? Idk) because he’ll be painted as never that invested (they might let us have a yet). And I have other problems with the writing, but also I t’s just not as interesting to see “oh yeah we dated and it was… fine. Cool dude.” It will be smothering a flickering ember. I hate it !!! They used 8x05 to make it hurt? Give us some follow through!

Sorry! Your tags are so right, Buck’s not head over heels, and I wanted to say yeah, that might be my reading too. I just can’t stop thinking about these guys.

(You can ignore this, I thank your inbox for indulging me)

You're not a bother at all! Hop into my inbox any time.

(The post in question)

We are in total agreement. I hate to say it but I am not confident that Buck was as invested in the relationship as Tommy was, and I think there are signs that point to that! I feel like we as a bucktommy fandom got so caught up in defending tommy against the accusations of "lack of development" (both as a character and in the bucktommy relationship) that we didn't realize that maybe there was some lack of development on buck's side of the relationship.

While not telling us, I do think that 911 showed us that Tommy is no longer the hateful person he was when he started out at the 118. We can see this in his interactions with Hen and Chimney (in the "begins" episodes) and how Bobby approves of him in s7.

I also think the show made a point to demonstrate how much Tommy adored Buck. He thinks Buck is adorable and smoking hot, he looks at him adoringly, he visits him and other members of the 118 in the hospital, and he shows up for Buck when he needs him. Unfortunately we don't really see Buck prioritize Tommy in this way...? So I do think the haters were right to a point, the show did not develop the bucktommy relationship, at least on buck's side, very well.

My thoughts on this have very much been inspired/jumpstarted by mel's @kinardsevan post and follow-up. So definitely read those if you haven't yet!

I'm also exploring this idea in a fix-it fic (I'll put a little snippet below the cut). I would love Buck and Tommy to work (in canon would be nice! But especially in my brain where I play with them like dolls), but they have some hurdles to overcome. I have no idea where the show is going to take this, and i don't have high hopes (realistically? They'll probably drop it), but i am loving that no matter what we as a fandom get to make sure they end up back together.

Thank you for bombarding me with this ask!! This is what fandom is for. 💜

Tommy scrubs his hands over his face. “I didn’t say that! I said–. Look. You said Abby was the most transformative relationship of your life.”

“Until now.”

“Until now. But what exactly has our relationship transformed in you? That you’re bi? You didn’t need me for that.”

“Tommy, when you kissed me, it changed everything for me!”

“Evan. You’re missing the point.”

[jack-nack]

10th anniversary and still nothing... Not even a peep. It's so sad... All that and we never even got a proper ending. What a waste of potential. I hope Jack's happy, with all his money from loyal fans...

Do me a favor and stick a fork in the nearest electrical outlet. Anyway. Hi. I’ve been getting a lot of these asks for the show’s anniversary, so I thought I’d come out of hibernation for a little to check in on the fanbase. By which, I mean, the twelve of you still writing CeVonn/Brian slash fic well after both characters got murdered- shine on, you magnificent bastards. I hope one day to have a fragment of the dedication you all have to shit that doesn’t matter. To the rest of you- I’ve put together this handy Q&A guide, after which I’m never speaking to you again. Enjoy! Where’ve you been since the finale? Out. The team is not A Coherent Unit anymore, which means we largely had no interest in carrying on our social media presence. You can still find the other folks Around, at social media links I’m not gonna bother with. I know Timothy is doing some spin-off thing. Allison’s scrubbed her online presence, which was the smartest move of any of our little gaggle. Jamir’s gotten really into Horizon shit. And Lakeisha died in a dust collapse a few years back. Sorry if this is how you found out. Why haven’t you made any follow-ups to Station 55? Lot of reasons. I told the story I wanted to tell. And frankly, seeing how awful everyone was being about the end, I didn’t have any real interest in making more content for that particular audience. It’s a horror series, whatever else the fanbase wanted it to be. And just like The Pump Operator said in episode 3- this was never going to be a story with a happy ending. What was in the green barrel? What happened to The Noise Machine? What did the Drill Repairwoman’s song mean? Use your imagination. Were The Deep Tunnels based on a real place? Yes- and filmed there, too. The entirety of Station 55 was produced and recorded in Safety Bunker A93, adjoining the city of Port Conroy. After Dustfall, the whole team were stuck living there while we waited for the surface to be inhabitable again. And there wasn’t a lot else for us to be doing with our time. Can I make a spin-off series? Can I sell Station 55 merch? You can. And you should. The fuckers that own the rights now are content to make Silt Monster Funko Pops every year or two- you can do better. Make a James doll from the vivisection scene with little removable organs- have some fun with it. I found your other social media- why does it say Ethel instead of Jack? Take a wild guess. Take a realllllly wild guess. Really rub your brain cells together, get the old hamster wheel in your skull moving. Are you serious about never talking to the fanbase again after this? Yep. Inexplicably, I still want to see more of your content. Where can I do that? Twitch.tv/ethelnightshade- stream Wednesdays and Sundays. We write, watch movies, and indulge in wildly self-indulgent ARG bullshit. Occasionally, I will Play a Video Game if I really need manna for the electric bill. I found this blog because I saw you were participating in the Grand Brutale, and have no context for any of the above. Sincerely- what the fuck? Sorry.

I found this blog because I was an earnest fan of Station 55, and have no context for what a Grand Brutale is. Sincerely- what the fuck? Video game battle royale competition that I’ve inexplicably been chosen for. I am excited to take a clean 98th place after I’m killed in the first ten seconds by a Vtuber with an anime girl falsetto and coloring normally reserved for poisonous snakes. I just wanted to say, how much your show has meant to me. It really helped when I was going through a bad time/helped me meet my friends/come to terms with my sexuality/made me realize I wanted to make movies when I grew up. 1) Thank you. Genuinely. 2) Christ the Buddha, please have higher standards. I wrote this shit when I was 19, you can do better.

[a-shoebox-named-meap]

a guide to people’s names, titles, and other forms of address in cang lan jue/love between fairy and devil

so for chinese media, i like knowing how to read and pronounce the characters’ names, but when trying to look up the names of the clj/lbfad people, i found the info i wanted rather hard to find. i wanted to know what characters made up their names! how to pronounce them! what their different titles and nicknames meant and what kind of people address them by those names! so i decided to try compiling this info myself, on a whim. it’s taken a HOT minute, and a Lot of scrubbing through the episodes, and it will probably need to be updated and edited as i go about rewatching the show (and improving my chinese :’) aha) but here’s what i got for now! feel free to message me if you have suggestions, edits, corrections, or requests :) hopefully some people find this helpful or interesting – i know some of the things i’ve included here are lost in translation in netflix’s english subtitles.

disclaimer of sorts: for definitions, i used MDBG (mdbg.net) and the Pleco app. also, i’m a native english speaker who’s been learning chinese for a handful of years; my chinese is so-so and i tend to miss things like Connotations™. i’ve watched the show 2.5 times and read 1 page of the book. i did my best :P again, open to suggestions! please be sure to check this source post for the most updated version, as i imagine i’ll be making edits now and again.

this is in no particular order. for each person, i put their official/most commonly used name at the top, then in bullets beneath that i’ve listed definitions for the individual characters in their name, along with any other titles or nicknames that they have been called in the show. any somewhat extraneous information is in italics.

苍兰诀 Cāng Lán Jué

the title of the show and the original novel; 苍 (cāng) refers to Dongfang Qingcang, 兰 (lán) refers to Xiao Lanhua, and 诀 (jué) means “farewell.” i’ve seen some people translate this as the Parting of the Fairy and Devil. (i discovered this halfway through watching the show and it made me SO nervous for how the show would end)

九鹭非香 (Jiǔ Lù Fēi Xiāng) is the author’s name/pseudonym.

东方青苍 Dōngfāng Qīngcāng

character breakdown: 东方 (dōngfāng) = east, eastern. 青 (qīng) = green, sometimes blue or black (or blue-green), young/youth. 苍 (cāng) = dark blue, deep green, ash-gray.

my hypothesized derivation of his name: while i was researching the Black Tortoise (玄武 Xuánwǔ) for this post, I Discovered Something Rather Important. there are four mythological creatures that symbolize the chinese constellations and four cardinal directions. besides the Black Tortoise, there are the White Tiger (白虎 Báihǔ), Vermillion Bird (朱雀 Zhūquè), and the Azure Dragon (青龙 Qīnglóng). the Azure Dragon represents the east. so get this: its epithet is the Azure Dragon of the East. in chinese it is called 东方青龙 (Dōngfāng Qīnglóng) or 东方苍龙 (Dōngfāng Cānglóng). SOUND FAMILIAR?? ISN’T THAT COOL?? i just think that is so cool. yes, the characters are the same as in Dongfang Qingcang’s name. associated with the Azure Dragon are: East (direction), Spring (season), Dawn (time of day), Blue/green (color), and Wood (chinese element). my mind imploded when i discovered this, have a good day.

大魔头 dà mótóu: (used in the book, changed to “da mutou” in the show for reasons? some folks mentioned they might have been censoring “mo”) lit. translates to big devil head/boss/chief, big demon boss

大木头 dà mùtóu: (phonetically similar to da motou, changed to this in the show for Reasons™) lit. big wooden head, big wooden chief/boss, or big log. it can also be translated as big blockhead, as per the netflix engsubs, but it’s not my personal preference — the connotations and intent between “da mutou” and “Big Blockhead” feel very different to me. (i.e., if you’re writing dialogue in a fic, i would recommend Da Mutou over Big Blockhead.) Xiao Lanhua calls him this, saying that it sounds a bit less serious than other, more formal forms of address for him.

东方强 Dōngfāng Qiáng, 大强 Dà Qiáng: the name and familiar nickname Xiao Lanhua calls him in the early days before she knew his identity, after she misheard him saying his actual name; 大 (dà) = big, 强 (qiáng) = strong, powerful

本座 běnzuò: a term used to refer to oneself, like “i/me,” but specifically if that person is very high-ranking; your average person wouldn’t use this word. (the usual word for i/me is 我 wǒ. near the end of the show Dongfang Qingcang transitions to using 我 wǒ with Xiao Lanhua — it’s a notable switch that gets lost in translation! similarly, he also makes the switch during his heated tirade at his father in ep. 18, and switches back to his usual 本座 (běnzuò) after he momentarily collects himself. i could be wrong, but i think he drops the 本座 (běnzuò) when less formality or authority is required or desired, like when Things Get Personal, or when he’s stepping out of his role as Moon Supreme, so to speak.)

尊上 zūnshàng: “my lord,” by far the most common term used to address and refer to Dongfang Qingcang by a majority of characters who aren’t his enemy. also part of the phrase often used to formally greet Dongfang Qingcang, “拜见尊上!” (bàijiàn zūnshàng) “Greetings, my lord!”

月尊 yuèzūn: Moon Supreme, used to refer to Dongfang Qingcang or this position (as in the throne, the seat of the Moon Supreme, the name of this Job) respectfully

月尊大人 yuèzūn dàren: Moon Supreme Lord (netflix); 大人 (dàren) is a title of respect towards one’s superior. this title is often used to address Dongfang Qingcang directly. Xiao Lanhua uses it regularly when she is being kept in the Moon Palace, both in private conversation and in serious public settings. (as the show goes on, she switches to 大木头 (dà mùtóu) in their more private, casual conversations but maintains 月尊大人 (yuèzūn dàren) in situations that warrant greater respect and formality.)

魔尊 mózūn: devil king, demon king; used in the book to address him at times (by Lady Chidi for instance, who in the show calls him 月尊 (yuèzūn), Moon Supreme; were they trying to avoid the word 魔 mó in the show or something, i don’t know)

儿子 érzi, 孩子 háizi: “son/my son” and “child/my child,” respectively. used briefly by Dongfang Qingcang’s father to address his son directly. the other times, he calls him Qingcang.

兄尊 xiōngzūn: a specific form of “brother”; the word that Xunfeng uses to address and refer to Dongfang Qingcang (excluding one case when Xunfeng uses 月尊 (yuèzūn), during a heated argument about the Chengying sword). 兄 (xiōng) = older brother (i.e., only a younger sibling would use this term), 尊 (zūn) = a respectful honorific often appended to these titles, usually signifying high, venerated status. 尊 (zūn) comes up a lot :)

for those who are curious about the reverse: Dongfang Qingcang usually addresses Xunfeng by name. when Dongfang Qingcang refers to Xunfeng with a familial term in ep. 2, he says “我那弟弟,” my younger brother (possibly translated as “that younger brother of mine”). for “younger brother” he uses 弟弟 dìdi, there’s no 尊 (zūn) or other honorific — probably because his younger brother is lower than him in status, so there is no need for an honorific. (it’s also interesting to see that he dropped the 本座 (běnzuò) for this line and used 我 (wǒ), but i’m not sure yet if this implies anything, if it might be a mistake, or if it just sounds more natural. in ep. 10, Dongfang Qingcang calls Xunfeng “本座的同胞弟弟,” “my younger brother (borne of the same parents),” where he does use běnzuò to refer to himself, but this line is a bit sarcastic in tone.)

both Dongfang Qingcang and Xunfeng refer to and address their father with 父尊 fùzūn, which is father + honorific, similar to 兄尊 (xiōngzūn). others usually call their father the previous/former/old Moon Supreme, 老月尊 lǎo yuèzūn. (extra note: Dongfang Qingcang doesn’t use 父尊 (fūzūn) in every case where he is referring to his father — on a rare few occasions he uses the more generic term 父亲 (fùqīn) — but based on my Research and consulting a few people with better chinese than me, this may be because of the way the word “father” is used in the sentence. more of a grammar/syntax thing than something significant to the plot or his character.)

a neat thing that happened in ep. 21, around timestamp 38:15: Dongfang Qingcang accidentally uses 父尊 (fùzūn) when talking about his father to Xiao Run in the mortal realm, which might have implied to Xiao Run that his father is of very high, emperor-like status (very sus, for an undercover agent); however, he catches himself, and switches to 父亲 fùqīn, which is the more common term for “father.” in the engsubs it just looks like he’s stuttering over the word “father.” 父亲 (fùqīn) is also used in modern day to refer to one’s father, but it’s a bit formal and usually used in conversation with other people or in writing; you wouldn’t use this term to address your dad directly, that’s 爸爸 bàba. in case any modern AU fic writers were wondering ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

少尊 shàozūn: Young Lord. used to address Dongfang Qingcang when he was a boy, when his father was still the Moon Supreme.

属下 shǔxià: subordinate. used to refer to himself (in 3rd person) when speaking to Xiyun, when he was acting as her servant after her rebirth. (this term is also used by Shangque with Dongfang Qingcang.)

小仙 xiǎoxiān: lit. little immortal, perhaps translated as low/lower immortal. this isn’t so much a title as a description of his position, when he is pretending to be from Shuiyuntian in front of Xiyun. this scene helped me understand how the word 仙 (xiān) works, actually. Dongfang Qingcang called himself a 小仙 (xiǎoxiān) of Shuiyuntian, to which Xiyun later said, “你身上没有仙气。根本不是仙族。” netflix engsubs wrote, “You have no immortal aura on you. You are not immortal.” and then i thought to myself, but he is immortal though, isn’t he? but 仙 (xiān), meaning “immortal” or “celestial being,” refers more to the race of people in Shuiyuntian rather than the state of immortality. immortal the noun, not immortal the adjective. Xiyun isn’t saying, “you are not an undying entity,” (because he is); what she really means is, “you are not of the fairy realm/tribe.” 仙族 (xiānzú), the term she uses in this sentence, means fairy tribe or immortal realm, referring to Shuiyuntian.

东方员外 Dōngfāng yuánwài: translated as “Mr. Dongfang” by netflix. this is the mortal title Jieli assigned to him, and how he is usually addressed during the mortal realm arc. 员外 (yuánwài) is an old word meaning “counselor” or “landlord.” Jieli intended for him to be a wealthy businessman. when he is just addressed as 员外 (yuánwài), it is translated to “sir.”

东方兄 Dōngfāng-xiōng: 兄 (xiōng) refers to one’s older brother; this is a familiar term Xiao Run uses to address Dongfang Qingcang when they become Bros™

内兄 (nèixiōng): brother-in-law, wife’s elder brother. Xiao Run calls Dongfang Qingcang this, after Jieli announces that Xiao Lanhua is Dongfang Qingcang’s sister.

郎君 lángjūn: translated by netflix as “young man” and “sir.” it is also an archaic form of addressing one’s husband, and could refer to the playboy of a rich family. however, i think in this show it is a respectful form of address, possibly directed at the head of a household unit (Xiao Run’s father and occasionally Xiao Run himself are referred to with the same term). i’m unsure though.

小兰花 Xiǎo Lánhuā (Orchid)

character breakdown: 小 (xiǎo) = little/small, but commonly used in front of names and nicknames for ... reasons i am too lazy to explain here, but other people have definitely written about it if you’d like to look it up. 兰花 (lánhuā) = orchid.

小花妖 Xiǎo Huāyāo: lit. little flower demon, little flower monster; the name that Dongfang Qingcang initially calls Xiao Lanhua, when he still doesn’t like her. netflix subs say “little flower spirit,” but to me this phrase loses a bit of the evil/demon/monster connotation — i feel like Xiao Huayao is not meant to be particularly respectful or polite :’) interestingly, i noticed in ep. 10 that Shangque calls her 小花妖 (Xiǎo Huāyāo) to her face, perhaps because she was annoying him, but he calls her Xiao Lanhua (Orchid) in his private conversation with Dongfang Qingcang shortly after. forms of address really have so many potential implications…

兰花仙子 Lánhuā xiānzi: Fairy Orchid; she is sometimes addressed as just 仙子 (xiānzi), “fairy,” including in situations where her name is not known by the speaker

仙族女人 Xiānzú nǚrén: Fairy Tribe woman (used by some Moon Tribe people to address her in third person, not when speaking to her directly)

月主 yuèzhǔ: translated as Moon Queen; zhǔ on its own means host, owner, or master. this is how people of the Moon Tribe address Xiao Lanhua after she undergoes her trip to Non-Abidance Cave to marry Dongfang Qingcang.

息芸 Xīyún: her name as the goddess. 息 (xī) = breath, or to cease/stop/rest; 芸 (yún) mainly refers to the plant Ruta graveolens, the common rue, as far as i can tell

息山神女 Xīshān shénnǚ: Goddess of Xishan; 山 (shān) = mountain

息兰(族的)神女 Xīlán (zú de) shénnǚ: Xilan Goddess (without parentheses) or Goddess of the Xilan Tribe (with parentheses, used by Xiao Lanhua at one point to refer to herself). Goddess of Xishan is the more common title, compared to Xilan Goddess, but both have been used.

breakdown of previous: 息兰 (xīlán) = the name of the tribe, containing the words for “breath” and “orchid”; 族 (zú) = the word for tribe, clan, race, nationality, ethnicity, etc.; 的 (de) is a possessive particle; 神女 (shénnǚ) = goddess (lit. god-woman; it’s also slang for “prostitute” but that doesn’t come up in this show)

故人 gùrén: old friend (literary); how the Xuanwu god addresses Xiao Lanhua/Xiyun. (this word is also used to refer to the deceased/departed, but not in this context.)

when referring to Xiao Lanhua’s plant form, people in the show use (小) 兰花草, (xiǎo) lánhuā cǎo. 草 (cǎo) = grass. it means (little) orchid plant. not every mention includes the “little.”

姑奶奶 gū ​nǎi​nai: lit. paternal great aunt, but has a few other colloquial uses, including “form of address for an unmarried girl or woman, expressing affection or reproach,” which seems to be how Jieli uses it in ep. 19 when pleading with Xiao Lanhua to stop freezing herself in the cave. (“姑奶奶，我求求你了！” “Gu nainai, I'm begging you!”)

her familial relationship to Xunfeng: in ep. 28 Dongfang Qingcang says, “If you still regard me as your brother, then she is your sister-in-law.” 她就是你的阿嫂。阿嫂 (ā-sǎo) is an archaic term for sister-in-law, specifically for one’s older brother’s wife. if Dongfang Qingcang and Xiao Lanhua were married, Xunfeng might call her this, but this never happens in the show. Xie Wanqing, similarly, also refers to Xiao Lanhua as her future 阿嫂 (ā-sǎo). in a modern AU, Xunfeng would call his sister-in-law either 嫂子 (sǎozi) or 大嫂 (dàsǎo). my mom is a native speaker and says the latter is more likely. it refers to the oldest brother’s wife, the “big” sister-in-law, even if she is younger than the speaker.

on that note, the word for “wife” is 妻子 (qīzi), and it’s sometimes used in the show when referring to Xiao Lanhua per her relationship to Dongfang Qingcang. Dongfang Qingcang himself often uses 月主 (yuèzhǔ), Moon Queen, in lieu of “wife.” a couple exceptions: when he’s pretending Xiao Lanhua is his wife to trick Xiao Run, the word he uses for “wife” is 内子 (nèizǐ). when he’s speaking to Changheng in his dream state, he does use 妻子 (qīzi) to refer to her as his wife.

兰花娘子 Lánhuā niángzǐ: Lady Orchid. commonly used to address Xiao Lanhua in the mortal realm. 娘子 (niángzǐ) is a polite form of address for a young woman, at least in Ye Olde Days™; it can also be used to address one’s wife, which Dongfang Qingcang does when he’s pretending that Xiao Lanhua is his wife to trick Xiao Run. there, 娘子 (niángzǐ) is translated as “honey.”

女侠 nǚxiá: heroine, lit. woman-hero; 侠 (xiá) can mean chivalrous, brave, heroic. this is how Xiao Run calls her when he first meets her, thinking she’s The One.

画中仙 (子) huàzhōng xiān(zi): fairy in the painting. Xiao Run calls her this early on after meeting her, and whenever he refers to the fairy in his dreams.

月尊副将 觞阙 Yuèzūn fùjiàng Shāngquè (Moon Supreme’s lieutenant, Shangque)

character breakdown: 副将 (fùjiāng) = deputy general, translated by netflix as “lieutenant.” 觞 (shāng) = a wine cup or goblet, or to propose a toast. 阙 (què) = an archaic term for the watchtowers on either side of an (imperial) palace gate.

Dongfang Qingcang, Xiao Lanhua (later), and Xunfeng address Shangque by just his name. Jieli later refers to Shangque by name but addresses him with “stupid black dragon,” usually.

黑龙大哥 hēilóng dàgē: lit. black dragon big brother, translated by netflix as just “Black Dragon.” used by Xiao Lanhua and Jieli to address Shangque, at least in the earlier stages of knowing him — Xiao Lanhua eventually just calls him Shangque, and Jieli switches to “stupid black dragon.” 黑龙大哥 (hēilóng dàgē) is still a respectful form of address, but the appended 大哥 (dàgē) gives a bit of familiarity to it that i feel like “Black Dragon” alone doesn’t quite convey. (Jieli calls him this name as soon as she meets him. my guess is that she is trying to sound close to him, as a ploy to appeal to familiarity in order to persuade him not to throw her in prison.)

觞阙哥哥 Shāngquè gēge: 哥哥 (gēge) means “older brother,” but is often used to address a man or boy (of no blood relation) in a very familiar way. Jieli calls him this at least once in the show, when she’s trying to be cute and wheedle a favor out of him.

觞阙大人 Shāngquè dàren: Lord Shangque (大人 (dàren) is a title of respect toward one’s superior). palace staff address Shangque with this.

蠢黑龙 chǔn hēilóng: stupid black dragon. this is the affectionate insult Jieli uses to address Shangque. 蠢 (chǔn) means stupid, foolish, clumsy, or dull.

属下 shǔxià: subordinate. used by Shangque to refer to himself (in third person) when speaking to Dongfang Qingcang.

将军 jiāngjūn: general. the palace doctor calls Shangque this. it’s odd to me because Shangque was first introduced as “deputy general/lieutenant” — i’m not sure which is more accurate for the name of his position. unless Shangque got a mid-show promotion when i wasn’t looking.

结黎 Jiēlí

character breakdown: 结 (jiē) = (of a plant) to produce fruit; alt. pronunciation jié means to tie, knot, connect, bind. 黎 (lí) = many, multitude; (literary) black, dark; a surname; the Li ethnic group.

掌柜的 zhǎngguìde: shopkeeper, manager of a store. netflix translated this as “Miss” when the delivery man addresses Jieli in ep. 2.

长珩战神 Chánghéng zhànshén (God of War, Changheng)

character breakdown: 长 (cháng) = long or length; always, forever, constantly (not to be confused with zhǎng, an alternate pronunciation of the same character, with a different meaning). 珩 (héng) = an archaic term for the “top gem of a girdle-pendant (as worn by aristocrats and high officials)” (thank you, Pleco). 战 (zhàn) = war, battle, fight. 神 (shén) = god, immortal. 战神 (zhànshén) is his God of War title, and Lady Chidi’s as well.

长珩仙君 Chánghéng xiānjūn: Lord Changheng. fairies call him this, and he is often directly addressed just as 仙君 (xiānjūn) mid-conversation. 仙君 (xiānjūn) lit. means immortal ruler, as a title it’s usually translated to “Lord/my lord” or similar.

Supreme Liyuan and Master Sansheng call him 长珩战神 (Chánghéng zhànshén), in the first episode.

罪仙长珩 zuìxiān Chánghéng: immortal criminal Changheng :(

萧润 Xiāo Rùn: Changheng’s name in the mortal realm arc. 萧 (xiāo) is a surname, and a word that means miserable, desolate, or dreary. 润 (rùn) means moist, sleek; to embellish or enhance; or profit, remuneration.

润郎 Rùn-láng: the friendly name by which Qu Shui addresses Xiao Run, and by which Dongfang Qingcang also addresses Xiao Run when they are being Bros™. (however, when referring to Xiao Run privately, Dongfang Qingcang just calls him Xiao Run.)

萧家二郎 Xiāojiā èrláng: translated by netflix as Mr. Xiao, used to refer to Xiao Run when his gifts were formally presented to Lady Wanqing. i might translate this as “the second child/son of the Xiao family,” but to be honest, the definitions i’ve found for 郎 (láng) are a little hazy to me. i could be wrong. but Xiao Run does have an older brother, who is referred to as 萧家大郎 (Xiāojiā dàláng), which i would translate as “the eldest young master of the Xiao family.” Xiao Run’s father, similar to Dongfang Qingcang, is referring to as 萧家郎君 (Xiāojiā lángjūn), which is translated to “Master,” presumably as the head of house.

萧家郎君 Xiāojiā lángjūn: and on that note, Xiao Run is also addressed as 郎君 (lángjūn)! not often, but on at least a couple occasions, such as by Lady Wanqing and Xiao Lanhua. this form of address is still translated by netflix as Mr. Xiao. again, in other situations Xiao Run is referred to as 二郎 (èrláng), and his father is referred to as 郎君 (lángjūn). i honestly don’t know how the word 郎 (láng) works at this point.

萧公子 Xiāo-gōngzi: also translated as Mr. Xiao. could also be “Young Master Xiao.” used to address him directly.

丹音仙子 Dānyīn xiānzi (Fairy Danyin)

character breakdown: 丹 (dān) = cinnabar, red, powder. 音 (yīn) = sound, musical note, tone, noise.

曲水 Qū Shuǐ: Danyin’s name in the mortal realm arc. 曲 (qū) is a surname, and a word that means bend/to bend. 水 (shuǐ) = water.

蛐蛐儿 Qūqu-ér/Qūqur: it means Cricket, and it contains a homonym for the first character of Qu Shui’s name. this is Xiao Run’s familiar nickname for Qu Shui.

容昊仙君 Rónghào xiānjūn (Lord Ronghao)

character breakdown: 容 (róng) = to hold, contain, allow, tolerate; appearance, look, or countenance. 昊 (hào) = vast, limitless; the vast sky. interesting potential interpretations for his name! (both also happen to be surnames on their own.)

仙君 xiānjūn: Lord, my Lord, in his case. this is how the fairies address him.

阿昊 Ā-Hào: what Lady Chidi calls him. 阿 (ā) is placed as a prefix before monosyllabic names or kinship terms to indicate familiarity; this form of address shows that Lady Chidi is close with her apprentice.

孽徒 niètú: treacherous/traitorous apprentice. Lady Chidi refers to Ronghao with this when she turns the both of them in in ep. 32.

海市主 Hǎishì zhǔ: Lord of Haishi; same 主 (zhǔ) as in 月主 (yuèzhǔ), Moon Queen, meaning “host” or “master”

主上 zhǔshàng: Lord, my lord, the lord. this is how he is addressed and referred to in his Lord of Haishi persona, such as by Dieyi and other Haishi underlings.

海市 (Hǎishì) is made up of the words for “sea/ocean” and “city”; together, they mean “mirage.”

also the 昊 (hào) in 容昊 (Rónghào) is the same as the 昊 (hào) in Haotian Tower, where Dongfang Qingcang was imprisoned. 昊天塔 (Hàotiāntǎ). “the vast, limitless sky” would be my translation of Haotian.

战神 赤地女子 zhànshén Chìdì nǚzǐ (God of War, Lady Chidi)

character breakdown: 赤地 (chìdì) = barren land. there’s an idiom that goes 赤地千里 (chìdì qiānlǐ), meaning “a thousand li of barren land — a scene of utter desolation (after a drought or insect plague)” (copied from Pleco). this definition reminds me of the Xuanxu Realm. hmm … thoughts for later. anyway, 女子 (nǚzǐ) = woman, female.

i’ve seen some translations of her name as “Chidi Woman” but i much prefer “Lady Chidi”

师父 shīfu: Master. this is how Ronghao addresses her (same as Xiao Lanhua towards Master Arbiter Siming).

谢惋卿 Xiè Wǎnqīng: Lady Chidi’s name during the mortal realm arc. 谢 (xiè) is a surname, and also means “to thank,” or sometimes “to apologize.” 惋 (wǎn) is a sigh, or to heave a sigh. 卿 (qīng) has several archaic meanings: high-ranking official, term of endearment between spouses, term used by the emperor for his subjects, or an honorific. (oh, where would i be without my dictionaries…)

惋卿娘子 Wǎnqīng niángzǐ: Lady Wanqing, commonly used to address Xie Wanqing in the mortal realm. when she is addressed as 娘子 (niángzǐ) alone, it is translated as “my lady.” (again: 娘子 (niángzǐ) is a polite form of address for a young woman, at least in Ye Olde Days™; it can also be used to address one’s wife, but that isn’t usually its purpose in this show.)

月族首领 巽风 Yuèzú shǒulǐng Xùnfēng (Moon Tribe Chief, Xunfeng)

character breakdown: 巽 (xùn) = to obey; one of the Eight Trigrams 八卦, symbolizing wood and wind; ☴; ancient Chinese compass point: 135° (southeast) (this definition copied directly from MDBG because all these definitions seem cool). 风 (fēng) = wind

巽风殿下 Xùnfēng diànxià: 殿下 (diànxià) is an honorific, usually meaning “Your Majesty” or “Your Highness”; Xùnfēng diànxià basically means “Your Highness Xunfeng.” he is sometimes addressed as “dianxia” alone, it’s not always Xunfeng dianxia.

to clear up possible confusion: Xunfeng is introduced in ep. 10 with the title card “Moon Tribe Chief,” per the netflix engsubs: 月族首领 (Yuèzú shǒulǐng), Moon Tribe leader/head/chief. this occurs after Dongfang Qingcang is reinstated as Moon Supreme, but in ep. 2 and ep. 10 it was mentioned that Xunfeng was made Moon Supreme (月尊 yuèzūn) upon Dongfang Qingcang’s presumed death 30,000 years earlier. as far as i've noticed, Xunfeng is referred to with 首领 (shǒulǐng) exactly once, by Yunzhong in the first episode. the kings of the North and South are also introduced with the title 首领 (shǒulǐng), while we’re on the subject. i forget which episode mentions it, but at one point Dongfang Qingcang explains that Xunfeng and the North and South You kings are all kings/chiefs under the Moon Supreme, due to power and status. Xunfeng was acting Moon Supreme in Dongfang Qingcang's absence, and 首领 (shǒulǐng) is more or less his usual job title, is how i've interpreted it.

Dongfang Qingcang and Xiao Lanhua call him Xunfeng; Shangque and most other people call him 巽风殿下 (Xùnfēng diànxià) or just 殿下 (diànxià).

random note: if you’re like me and some of my friends who have watched this show after watching or reading Tian Guan Ci Fu/Heaven Official’s Blessing, it might seem like 殿下 (diànxià) is a term specific to the prince or crown prince-type figure. turns out, that’s not exactly the case. Xie Lian’s title, 太子殿下 tàizǐ diànxià, marks him as the crown prince. 太子 (tàizǐ) = crown prince. but Xunfeng doesn’t have this title, he’s just Your Highness, 殿下. anyway, this was kinda like that one twitter meme for me. “guy who has only seen tgcf watching any other chinese drama with a prince in it: so when are they gonna call him taizi dianxia?”

another note: it seems to be somewhat common practice on tumblr to refer to his character as Dongfang Xunfeng, but i should mention that nowhere in the show does anyone append Dongfang to his name. for several reasons (see my reblog), i don’t believe Xunfeng has a last name, and i don’t think Dongfang operates like one. it’s likely that Dongfang Qingcang is just the guy’s name, and Xunfeng is just another guy’s name, and that the two brothers don’t necessarily have a family name. BUT, i will say, if you’re looking to bequeath a last name to a modern AU Xunfeng, Dongfang probably works. “Dongfang” is an actual last name, in other contexts.

水云天 帝君 云中君 Shuǐyúntiān dìjūn Yúnzhōng-jūn (Shuiyuntian Emperor, Lord Yunzhong)

character breakdown: 水云天 (Shuǐyúntiān) = lit. water, clouds, sky/heavens. 帝君 (dìjūn) = emperor. 云 (yún) = cloud, 中 (zhōng) = middle, amidst, among; i might translate the meaning of his name as Amidst the Clouds.

云中君 Yúnzhōng-jūn: Lord Yunzhong. this is his usual title when people refer to him.

君上 jūnshàng: my lord. used to directly address Yunzhong. (yes, similar to the 尊上 zūnshàng used to directly address Dongfang Qingcang; “jun” and “zun” really abound with this show, but they are different terms. don’t ask me why some characters have jun and others have zun, i only have a vague notion.)

兄君 xiōngjūn: a specific term for “brother,” used by Changheng to address and refer to Yunzhong; again, similar to how Xunfeng addresses + refers to Dongfang Qingcang with 兄尊 (xiōngzūn)

本君 běnjūn: a term used to refer to oneself, like a high-ranking “i/me,” akin to Dongfang Qingcang using 本座 (běnzuò).

in Changheng’s trial (perhaps a more official setting), Lord Yunzhong refers to his and Changheng’s father as 父神东君 fùshén Dōng-jūn, Lord Dong (lit. father-god Dong-lord) and Changheng’s mother as 母神 mǔshén (lit. mother-god). in other settings, Changheng refers to Lord Dong as 父君 fùjūn, similar to how Dongfang Qingcang and Xunfeng call their father 父尊 fùzūn.

澧沅仙尊 Lǐyuán xiānzūn (Supreme Liyuan)

character breakdown: 澧 (lǐ) = a surname, as well as a river in Hunan Province called Lishui River. 沅 (yuán) = the name of the Yuan River, another river in Guizhou and Hunan. funnily enough, both rivers flow into Dongting Lake. don’t ask me if that means anything significant, though.

仙尊 xiānzūn: Lord or my lord, in his case. similar to 仙君 (xiānjūn).

爹 diē: “father,” as addressed by his daughters. (please, it is not pronounced like the english word “die” … dee + ehh = dyeh, kinda like that)

司命仙君 Sīmìng xiānjūn (Master Arbiter/Lady Arbiter)

character breakdown: 司 (sī) = a department; to manage, take charge of, or attend to; it’s also a surname. 命 (mìng) = life, fate, destiny. so she Manages Fates, basically.

仙君 xiānjūn: Lord/Lady/Master. this word haunts me

司命星君 Sīmìng xīngjūn: also translated to Lady Arbiter, but there’s a new title this time! this is what Changheng and Dongfang Qingcang call her when they pay her a visit, near the end of the show. 星 (xīng) means star, or heavenly body. so this title means that she’s a lady of the heavens, or something similar. i wonder if this is because she was imprisoned and no longer an immortal of Shuiyuntian, where everyone is referred to with the word 仙 (xiān).

师父 shīfu: master (as addressed by Xiao Lanhua; the chinese subs say 师父, it’s a variant of 师傅, also pronounced shīfu)

sometimes addressed as just 司命 (Sīmìng), such as by Shangque and Dongfang Qingcang at the beginning of the show. by the end of the show, Dongfang Qingcang still refers to her as 司命 (Sīmìng) when speaking with Changheng, but addresses her with her title 司命星君 (Sīmìng xīngjūn) when speaking to her directly. Changheng, in contrast, keeps using her title even when she is not present.

上仙 shàngxiān: high immortal. less of a title and more of a description of her position in Shuiyuntian, e.g., “she is a high immortal of Shuiyuntian.”

海市流芳阁主 蝶衣 Hǎishì Liúfāng-gézhǔ Diéyī (Pavilion Master, Dieyi)

character breakdown: 蝶 (dié) = butterfly. 衣 (yī) = clothes, clothing; cover, skin.

阁主 gézhǔ: Pavilion Master. this is how most of the Haishi underlings address Dieyi.

流芳阁 (Liúfānggé) = Liufang Pavilion. the chinese subs use 留 instead of 流 sometimes, but for all these names and titles i default to the title cards written onscreen, not the subtitles.

三生仙君 Sānshēng xiānjūn (Master Sansheng)

character breakdown: 三 (sān) = three, 生 (shēng) = life, birth. in buddhism, 三生 (sānshēng) refers to three lives — past life, present life, and next life.

仙君 xiānjūn: Lord/Lady/Master, pretty much. if you’ve read this far you should kinda get what this means by now, right? and yes, the term is gender neutral, if anyone was wondering. a lot of these titles are.

三生姑姑 Sānshēng gūgu: Aunt Sansheng; the fairies call her this. (姑姑 gūgu refers to one’s paternal aunt, but can also be a familiar term for an aunt-like figure who is not related by blood.)

元龟 玄武 yuán guī Xuánwǔ (the Great Turtle, Xuanwu)

this dude’s got whole wikipedia pages dedicated to him but i’ll try to sum it up

玄武 (Xuánwǔ) literally means Black Warrior, Dark Warrior, or Mysterious Warrior. it is often translated as the Black Tortoise, though the name contains no animal-related words — this is just due to how it’s usually depicted. the Xuanwu is one of the four symbols of the chinese constellations, each being a guardian of one cardinal direction. the Black Tortoise’s usual epithet is 北方玄武 (běifāng Xuánwǔ), the Black Tortoise of the North. the other three are the Azure Dragon of the East (!! Dongfang Qingcang??), the White Tiger of the West, and the Vermillion Bird of the South. each symbol represents seven of the 28 Mansions; the Xuanwu would be the seven mansions of the north sky (or the god of the north sky in Taoism). each symbol is also associated with a season, time of day, and chinese element, but i’ll let you look those up yourself. anyway. tl;dr he’s a cool dude with a lot going on.

上古神灵玄武 shànggǔ shénlíng Xuánwǔ: netflix’s translation is “Great Turtle.” Xiao Lanhua calls him this when she first meets him. i might translate this title as “Ancient God Xuanwu” or similar. 上古 (shànggǔ) = distant past, ancient times, remote ages, antiquity. 神灵 (shénlíng) = god, deity, divinity, spirit, spiritual being, supernatural entity. Xiao Lanhua also addresses him by just 神灵 (shénlíng), a moment later. (it’s translated as “God” — no, not that one.)

玄武上神 Xuánwǔ shàngshén: God Xuanwu, as addressed by Xiyun. could perhaps be translated as High God Xuanwu.

元龟 yuánguī: translated by netflix as the Great Turtle. Sansheng refers to him with this term. the place where we see the Xuanwu is called 玄武幻境 (Xuánwǔ huànjìng), which basically means “Xuanwu dreamland.”

凶神太岁 xiōngshén Tàisuì (Evil God Taisui)

character breakdown: 凶神 (xiōngshén) = evil god; demon, fiend, devil. 太岁 (tàisuì) = a deity, the God of the Year, who was believed to change his dwelling on earth annually; also an archaic name for Jupiter, and a nickname for the most powerful man in a locality. (i think in this show he’s just some kind of evil deity named Taisui, not necessarily the God of the Year described in the dictionary.)

花草精灵 huā​cǎo jīng​líng (plant spirits, Xiao Lanhua's garden friends)

冬青 Dōng​qīng: Holly

爬山虎 Pá​shān​hǔ: Creeper (Parthenocissus tricuspidata)

桃树 Táo​shù: Peach (technically peach tree, but she's called Peach)

多肉 Duō​ròu​: Succulent (多肉 duō​ròu​ just means fleshy/meaty, 多肉植物 duō​ròu​zhí​wù is the name of the plant, but it's been shortened to a name in the show)

乌姑 Wū-gū (Ms. Wu, Dongfang Qingcang’s childhood caretaker who taught him woodcarving and music)

character breakdown: 乌 (wū) is a surname, but it can also mean “crow” or “black/dark.” 姑 (gū) refers to one’s aunt, a father’s sister; here, it is Dongfang Qingcang’s familiar term for her. (same concept as with Aunt Sansheng, although i’m not sure why it’s translated to Ms. Wu instead of Aunt Wu, especially since she seemed to have a very close relationship with Dongfang Qingcang. the singular 姑 (gū) might convey a bit less familiarity or closeness In Olden Times compared to 姑姑 (gūgū), and Dongfang Qingcang as the young lord might have had to maintain that marginal bit of distance for politeness and tradition and royalty reasons, but i could very much be mistaken, or just reading into it more than necessary.)

look, i know she’s not a major character but she was important to ME, ok! so here’s her name. hope someone writes a fic involving her someday.

长渊 Chángyuān (Arbiter’s dragon husband)

character breakdown: 长 (cháng) = long/length; forever, always, constantly. 渊 (yuān) = deep pool; deep; profound.

罪龙长渊 zuìlóng Chángyuān: convicted dragon Changyuan, dragon criminal Changyuan. same 罪 (zuì) as in “immortal criminal,” 罪仙 (zuìxiān).

星落 Xīngluò (Danyin and Jieli's Moon Tribe mother)

character breakdown: 星 (xīng) = star or heavenly body. 落 (luò) can mean many things, but generally refers to something lowering or retreating, such as the setting sun or receding tide. her name can be loosely translated as Setting Star. Supreme Liyuan addresses her by name.

母亲 mǔ​qīn: mother, mom (archaic). this is how Danyin (and Jieli?) refers to her.

彤云 Tóngyún (Xie Wanqing's younger assistant/aide/maid)

character breakdown: 彤 (tóng) is a common surname, 云 (yún) = cloud.

also, Xie Wanqing's elder aide or advisor is referred to as 妈妈 Mama. i didn't catch an actual name for her.

aaaaaall righty, i am done for now. (it’s been over a week… phew…) again, i’ll update this if i discover new things or receive suggestions. thanks! :D

[absandersons]

What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me.  Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based.  In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place.  Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!”  Bruh.  The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode.  You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season).  Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here.  Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone.  He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else.  That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit.  This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this.  That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS.  AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all.  Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this?  I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20?  AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT?  WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half?  Nothing really happened?  Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around.  It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it.  The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery.  Truly, that is the only thing.  It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper​ got a week or so before the finale.  She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right?  It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc.  The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.”  Uh.  Where are they?  And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So.  Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

????????  That’s the end if it?  They don’t need to be discussed after this???  It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too?  Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay?  Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else.  They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else.  Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here.  What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right.  Weird as fuck.  Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas?  My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene.  Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back.  Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it.  Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad.  It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway.  He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here).  Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying.  My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair​ spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven.  The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago.  We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread).  The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here.  Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here.  Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions.  Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was.  None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why?  Why lie to all of us when we have questions?  Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense.  Simply?  Warner Brothers is absolutely massive.  These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs.  They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha.  It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him.  He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids.  It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then. 

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram.  It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other. 

My theory?  They didn’t know.  They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all?  Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so.  I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God.  I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read.  He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that?  Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys.  Why would he get involved?  He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is.  He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam.  I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to.  So what changed?  What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious?  CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South.  It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And?  They don’t care.  They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects​ wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here).  They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line.  And you know what?  To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what?  They warned us.  I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network.  I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want?  Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy.   In fact, to the people trashing them?  You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb.  Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them.  The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this,  Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

[traitor-boyfriend]

south park re: scientology

Scientology specifically but cults more broadly have been a subject of interest of mine for a long time. I'm an avid listener of Leah Remini and Mike Rinder’s podcast exposing the state secrets of scientology. South Park's episode "Trapped in the Closet" has been mentioned in passing several times and I think people who are unaware of scientology outside of South Park underestimate just what an impact that episode had and continues to have in the present day. 

I was motivated to write this post after listening to an episode featuring a guest appearance by Marc Headley; Headley is a former Sea Org member and author of Blown for Good. His wife, Claire Headley, is also a former Sea Org member of a higher OT (Operating Thetan) level than himself. The Sea Org is the administrative body of scientology. In his episode, Headley discusses how, after their joint defection from the church, they watched this episode together. Neither had ever seen it before leaving their positions within scientology.

Scientologists are notorious for their adversarial relationship with journalists, news media, and the internet; members are routinely advised to avoid seeking out anything related to scientology, founder L. Ron Hubbard, or its current head David Miscavige. Their access to such information is monitored as a prophylactic (and punitive) measure.

And Marc Headley mentions that the this is what scientologists actually believe sequence was the first time he was exposed to the ‘truth’ of scientology, and the role it played in contextualizing how absurd and bizarre the reality of what devout scientologists are indoctrinated to believe at a time when he was in the baby steps of deprogramming. He turned to ask his wife Claire if that was all true -- as this is not knowledge readily given to anyone below OT 3 -- and she simply laughed and said yes, it’s pretty accurate. 

The reason for that is because Matt Stone and Trey Parker, facilitated by longtime producer Anne Garefino, invited Mark Ebner to speak with them while preparing the episode. Mark Ebner is a journalist who has been writing about scientology for nearly three decades and is one of many great writers covering the church from the perspective of someone who is not a high ranking ex-member. Though, Ebner did join the church in an undercover effort to gain firsthand understanding of the audit counseling process. This experience is from where much of his contribution to the episode is drawn from. 

Matt and Trey had previously poked fun at scientology before, albeit in a more covert way. The 2001 season five episode “Super Best Friends” in which the boys are recruited into a cult headed by David Blaine (creatively called ‘Blaintology’) was later acknowledged as an early hit at the church. This episode is oft forgotten due to it being one of several episodes in South Park’s catalogue that is neither in syndication nor available through streaming owing to its depiction of the prophet Muhammad; it was scrubbed after the airing of the show’s infamous 200th and 201st episodes. 

They were inspired to make a full episode on the church after a conversation with friend Penn Jillette, who was advised against doing an episode of his documentary program Bullshit! with Showtime out of fear for legal retaliation from the church. When asked about the decision to do so, Trey Parker said:

To be honest, what kept us from doing it before was Isaac Hayes [who does the voice of Chef]. We knew he was a Scientologist. And he’s an awesome guy. We’re like, Let’s just avoid that for now. But we’re friends with Penn Jillette, and Showtime wouldn’t let him do an episode of Bullshit! on Scientology. We’re going, That’s fucked up. And hearing other people say, “You can’t do that,”—you can only say “You can’t do that” so many times to Matt and me before we’re gonna do it. Finally, we just had to tell Isaac, “Dude, we totally love working with you, and this is nothing personal, it’s just we’re South Park, and if we don’t do this, we’re belittling everything else we’ve ripped on.” So we realized we had to do it, and now that we’ve done it, now it’s like we’ve sort of opened the floodgates. People will be less scared.   

A few years back, Tony Ortega -- a remarkable journalist and the definitive authority on all things Scientology -- wrote a brief article on his website in conversation with Ebner about the impact South Park's episode had within the world of scientology. What is described are the ways in which Matt and Trey became targets caught in the cross-hairs of the church as well as corporate figureheads at Comedy central and Paramount who bent their knees first and foremost to none other than -- you guessed it -- Tom Cruise. Cruise, in true toddler fashion, threatened not to participate in any promotional publicity for the upcoming Mission Impossible: 3 (a Paramount production) unless Comedy Central pulled the episode out of cable syndication, which did happen. Comedy Central and Paramount are both properties of Viacom. At this time in the mid 2000s it seems inarguable that Tom Cruise’s star power burned far brighter than that of Matt Stone and Trey Parker in the corporate consciousness. Money talks, and quite loudly at that. The LA Times affectionately dubbed this controversy Closetgate.

But what of the church?

What happens here next is that the Church of Scientology set their sights on Matt Stone and Trey Parker. They are declared as SPs (suppressive person). Suppressive person is a label applied to anyone that is critical of scientology or its mouthpieces and is considered ‘dangerous’ to the ultimate goals of the church. People who are deemed SPs are liable to be subjected to “fair game”. Fair Game is a policy within scientology conducted by the OSA (office of special affairs) wherein which sustained and relentless harassment campaigns, excessive litigiousness, and surveillance is levied upon whomever has been declared “fair game” with the express purpose of ruination.  

Here comes Marty Rathbun. Rathbun is an ex-Sea Org member, David Miscavige’s former right-hand man, and the #2 executive in the corporate structure of a global cult. He famously left the church in 2004 but considered himself an “independent scientologist,” which is common with defectors. Some years later he would begin his own blog where he wrote extensive articles revealing internal documentation and his personal experiences as a mafia capo facsimile about harassment campaigns against famous SPs, abuse and degradation faced by Sea Org rank-and-files at the hands of Miscavige (as well as himself), and the church’s many, many legal misadventures. He was also a consultant seen in Louis Theroux’s terrific and terrifying 2015 documentary, My Scientology Movie.

Rathbun is why much of this information about fair game directed at Stone and Parker in retaliation for “Trapped in the Closet” is corroborated public knowledge. But keep in mind, Rathbun is a controversial figure within the community of ex-scientologists and adulation as a hero should be avoided; there is a lot of confusion regarding his status within the church. Many believe he has rejoined, which is doubtful. What is more likely is, following a lawsuit filed jointly by himself and his wife against the church regarding their harassment of the couple, that there is a high likelihood of a generous, under-the-table cash settlement. This would explain why Rathbun has in recent years set his sights more and more at discrediting fellow ex-scientologists speaking out against the church like Leah Remini and Mike Rinder, as well as reputable journalist Tony Ortega. He is essentially still a scientology attack dog, but acting independent of directives of the church that were previously required by his position.

There is not an overwhelming breadth of specificity regarding the harassment lobbed Stone and Parker’s way, but lots in the way of generalities. This article by Tony Ortega at The Village Voice details it as such. Highlights include: 

Private investigators hired to rifle through garbage for incriminating refuse

Close friends and employees being stalked, investigated, and/or asked about their connection to the pair. Such people include Troma Entertainment founder Lloyd Kaufman (Parker) and actor John Stamos (Stone)

Seeking out public footprints -- i.e. bank records, phone records, legal records etc. -- available on both Stone and Parker as well as their associates in attempt to uncover potential criminality or otherwise private information for use as ammunition in public smear campaigns to discredit and degrade them 

These efforts were obviously unsuccessful, but they are said to have been under high investigative scrutiny within the church for a “significant time,” and though they certainly have bigger fish to fry in defense of the church’s public reputation (namely the many internal whistleblowers), it is not improbable there is still sporadic monitoring of the two. 

Now, the arc within the episode itself regarding the ‘truth’ about scientology (Xenu, aliens) is somewhat beside the point as it relates to the broader hold of scientology as a ‘religious technology’. Scientology -- like most cults -- has a very boil-the-frog approach to indoctrinating people. As earlier specified by Headley, this does not become part of scientology’s ecclesiastical canon until a person reaches OT 3. For reference, Stan in the episode is lauded for having a thetan read of OT 9. In order to reach any of the OT levels of the scientologist bridge to total freedom, a person must first go through the process of “objectives.” These are the introductory courses provided in pursuit of “going clear”; once someone has gone clear (meaning, when one no longer possesses a “reactive” mind), then they begin climbing the rungs of the OT ladder.

These courses are designed to do two specific things: be a financial drain, and desensitize a person to objective reality and guide them toward a mental state in which they are vulnerable and receptive to manipulation. Courses are pedantic, repetitive, and extraordinarily strict in regards to interpretation of source material (dianetics). Scientology engages in absolutes and relies on black-and white thinking.

It is useful in the episode to straight-out go to the Xenu storyline. For the general public who either 1.) knows nothing of scientology, or 2.) only knows it as a fringe, wacky but harmless woo-woo Hollywood happening, it undercuts the work (read: brainwashing) necessary to be entrusted with this information. By the time your average scientologist who has gone through all introductory coursework, gone clear, and begun climbing OT levels, this is a person who has already sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars in financial investments and several years of their life. This is a person who can be sold a bridge. Most scientologists will never reach this level; though no hard numbers are kept, several former scientologists estimate that only 5% of people affiliated with the church will ever reach OT 3.

If you ask someone today what they know of scientology there is a large array of documentary media, stand-up comedy, podcasts, journalistic coverage in mainstream media, celebrities etc. that they may point to. Chances are good though that if you asked the average person in 2005 what they know of scientology, they would tell you: Tom Cruise is a member of it, and South Park made fun of it. 

It is a genius setup to have Stan left out from the group because he is trying to save money, and to have him stumble upon the offer of audit counseling by people who seem well-meaning, happy, and helpful. He “discovers” he is depressed; he is offered the one true solution. Like any cult, Scientology sinks its claws deepest in people who are depressed, aimless, alienated. It provides purpose and clarity and community in a life where there is none. 

Unlike what many people believe, no one is too smart to become a member of a cult; anyone can find themselves in a potential state of mind in which they are desperately seeking something and are highly suggestible. Uniquely suggestible, too, in a way that bleeds American is scientology’s reliance on celebrity to sell a bill of goods. The power of celebrity and iconography is something L. Ron Hubbard sought to harness from early on to effect mainstream proselytizing. It is an excellent subversion of such for South Park to then humiliate Tom Cruise, the most bombastic and steadfast of all celebrity scientologist bell-ringers, by portraying him as a simpering lunatic who is, well... throwing a fit in a nine-year-old’s closet for the duration of the episode.

One thing to keep at the forefront is that Scientology is indeed in its death throes. Despite constant inflated figures regarding current membership, the church is losing members at an exponential rate; chief among those growing ex-members is the scientologist golden goose -- celebrities. Given the widespread accessibility of the internet, scientology is not drawing in numbers the way it used to. But in the time following its initial publication, Hubbard’s Dianetics was popular among circles seeking reprieve from the woes of life outside the crude callousness of then-conventional psychiatry. For some perspective, note that Dianetics was published May 9th, 1950; it was only just the previous year that Egas Moniz -- mentor to American neurologist Walter Freeman, who popularized the lobotomy -- was awarded the Nobel prize in medicine for developing the radical procedure that was promised to ‘revolutionize’ the treatment of mental illness. Dianetics was once an appealing alternative.

I would be remiss to make no mention of the fact that there is, of course, the suspicious circumstances under which Isaac Hayes’ role on the show as Chef was terminated a few months after its premiere and what responsibility his association with scientology might have in his untimely death. Isaac Hayes is known to have left the show through a public statement that was presented in protest against Matt and Trey for their portrayal of scientology by crossing the line of satire into “intolerance and bigotry towards religious beliefs.” Isaac Hayes unfortunately died three years later in 2008. 

What many people don’t know is that Matt and Trey allege they did indeed discuss their intentions for the episode with Isaac Hayes before its production, and he had no qualms about their tackling of the church. He is quoted to have said on an episode of the radio show Opie and Anthony that December (roughly a month after the episode aired):

“Well, one thing about Matt and Trey, they lampoon everybody, and if you take that shit serious, then I'll sell you the Brooklyn Bridge for two dollars. That's what they do.”  

“Trapped in the Closet” premiered on November 16th, 2005; three months later on march 13th, 2006, a letter purportedly signed by Hayes was issued that detailed his objection to the episode and a desire to be released from his contract -- which Matt Stone obliged. There was no direct, physical contact between Hayes, Stone, and Parker at this time.

Coincidentally, a week after that open letter was issued it was reported that Isaac Hayes had suffered a stroke earlier that January. Hayes’ spokesperson, Amy Harnell (who is herself a scientologist) denied this claim and said that Hayes had only spent some brief time in the hospital for the comparably benign issue of high blood pressure. However, later that October, Hayes himself confirmed he did indeed have a stroke. Isaac Hayes would be dead less than two years later.

Hayes’ stroke was by no means a minor medical issue -- according to his son, Isaac Hayes III, in conversation joined by Parker and Stone for South Park’s 20th anniversary, Hayes was left unable to speak and with severe cognitive and neurological impairment that notably necessitated him needing to relearn how to play the piano -- the piano being an instrument Isaac Hayes was a proficient virtuoso of from the time he was a teenager. Hayes III believes with certainty that a currently unknown entity with some association to his father published the open letter that him from his South Park contract at the behest of the church given Hayes was medically incapacitated at the time of its publishing to do so on his own behalf.     

On August 10th of 2008, Isaac Hayes was found unresponsive by paramedics near a treadmill in his home. At the time his cause of death was not known publicly; an autopsy was not performed. His death was later ruled a stroke. It is estimated that roughly 15-30% of people who survive a stroke are at risk of a recurrent stroke within two years of their first, and the mortality rate of a recurrent stroke is substantially higher without preventative medical intervention.

Keep in mind, this is not to lose sight of the forest for the trees. I do not believe Isaac Hayes was murdered; what I do believe is that it is a reasonable assumption to make that Isaac Hayes’ medical condition left him extremely vulnerable to his scientologist handlers. His immediate professional circle was made up almost entirely of fellow scientologists, according to Hayes III. This is a common reality for a celebrity parishioner. It is entirely possible that Isaac Hayes was discouraged by a scientologist entourage to seek the appropriate, long-term rehabilitation and medical support he needed after his initial stroke which may have worsened his outcomes. This is all pure speculation but were anything definite to come out some day alluding to such, it would not surprise me.

There is a harrowing breadth of personal accounts from former Sea Org members regarding the extreme reluctance with which any of them ever stepped foot in a hospital to be treated for serious illness or injury -- injuries ranging from electrocution as a result of members with no vocational training being made to perform electrical work, punitive beatings and torture performed for derelictions of duty or violation of church policy, and motorcycle accidents occurring onsite at scientology’s notorious Gold Base in Riverside County, California. Hospitals are avoided to prevent any legal prying into the abusive and illegal manner these injuries are often acquired due to mandatory reporting laws in addition to beliefs that physical ailments can be resolved through auditing to rid oneself of the Body Thetans that cause them as opposed to conventional medicine. 

There is also the devastating case of Lisa McPherson, a woman who was privately sequestered for monitoring and counseling under the guise of “rest and relaxation” after experiencing an episode of depressive psychosis. She died 17 days later of a pulmonary embolism with no attempts made to provide her with standard hospital care. It remains one of the church’s largest scandals to date; a lawsuit brought by her family reached a private settlement in 2004, a little over a year before “Trapped in the Closet” aired.

To reach some sort of conclusion, Matt and Trey built an early reputation for themselves as the “anti-establishment.” This is no longer the case -- not with South Park currently in its 25th season, both Stone and Parker being worth millions, and with many other successful, mainstream business ventures. However, I think it’s easy to lose sight of the fact they are certainly creators of a different cloth. You don’t need to look much further than a quick google search of “south park controversy” to see that. 

But this entire debacle does demonstrate something specific about both the show and Matt and Trey themselves -- that being, even when I disagree, I have a deep appreciation for Matt and Trey’s refusal to see any topic as off-limits or any bully too big. Scientology is well-known to file suit at the drop of a hat and have skirted much legal repercussion by simply exhausting and discouraging all dissent and criticism by abusing the pay-to-play parameters of the American judicial system. It is the reason the church still maintains its tax-exempt status and its classification as a religion. Countless others of comparable status to themselves have said, no, I don’t want to deal with all that -- and this is not a condemnation; it’s definitely not a wrath I would wish anyone to incur. Of Matt and Trey, it is an admirable quality they possess as public figures to have been warned of all the professional and personal risk they may be taking on to make a mockery of one specific, niche subject -- at a time when South Park was a definite cultural phenom, but not quite yet the too-big-to-fail iconoclast staple of American media we know it as today -- and to say fuck that, we’re doing it anyway. 

About the show, scams/grifts/snake oil salesmen are recurring fodder for South Park to attack. And they have a relatively good eye for such; great examples outside scientology include their episode on psychic John Edwards to as recent as this past special, with future butters and his NFT ponzi scheme. Something that holds true as a broad generalization is that the vitriol is concentrated on these scams and not those who fall for it. Matt and Trey seem to detest few things more than someone or something that seeks to pull the wool over another’s eyes for profit. You see it in “Trapped in the Closet” when Stan approaches the podium after scientology is revealed to him as a ‘global scam’ by the Miscavige stand-in. It pans to the auditors we see earlier in the episode: the joyful woman crying as she takes dutiful notes, the excited man with clasped hands and bated breath.

These are not the bad people. And we are not meant to believe they are bad people. These are people who think they are witnessing something extraordinary that will alter their lives in a deeply special, magical way. The narrative extends our sympathy to them -- this is what compels Stan to tell the truth because no profit is worth deceiving someone to such an immoral degree. Where it’s very easy to find a sentiment of “what sort of idiot could fall for xyz?!” mirrored in other media, South Park avoids this low-hanging fruit and taps into something both more sympathetic and closer to reality. 

TL;DR: it is a good thing that much public awareness about the Church of Scientology in the culture of American media is born from South Park’s “Trapped in the Closet.” It bears a significant, material responsibility in humiliating the church, consecrating its status as a cult, and shedding light on the octopus of malice that is the hierarchal structure of scientology’s corporate body. It paved new ground for emboldening creatives, journalists, and watchdogs to speak freely in the public sphere about the evils of the church. The 2010s saw innumerable celebrity scientologists and ex-members come forward to condemn executive leadership and denounce scientology as a belief system. The tide is turning -- has been for some time -- against scientology and Miscavige in the present day but instances in which anyone other than journalists and ex-scientologists offered criticism both harsh and accurate at the expense of their person were few and far between. South Park deserves a bone thrown its way for that.

[mochidreambubble]

10, 15, 18, 27 and 40 for Ashe and A), D) and J) for you, if you don't mind :3

asdfghjk the way the ask came pretty fast. tysm for being keen to know more about Ashe ✨TY for all the questions, I enjoyed just rambling on about him 💕(and I do mean I rambled, I think I typed quite a bit much but no one stopped me XD)

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them? Promising Vivian he absolutely would never step one foot into Scarlet Hollow (Ha!). She started needing him to promise when he started having dreams from a young age, and she just knew on sight (well, on the vaguest description) where he was talking about. It was both frustrating for him because it's not like Vivian ever explained why, after all. He was never going to keep that promise, and with Vivian gone and a good excuse to go... Well. No one left to physically stop him. He's going home. It didn't start haunting him until it literally does of course (why would mother warn you for no reason, Ashe).

15. How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first? I had one line in his initial profile that he prefers to be direct, but he's not necessarily brutally honest. It's a favour he wants both ways, for people to be frank or straightforward with him. He knows people don't start out that way so you can take it as his method of extending the hand first, no hiding behind masks or lies. And no he doesn't think his words through, unfortunately. He absolutely made the The Dead Moms club joke every chance he gets, and that may not have been the best thing to say to Tabby first meeting lol.

18. What embarrasses them? It's the 'I wish I did not do that' type. I also kind of mentioned in his profile write-up, being that he knows people like to look at him because he's textbook Hot. But when he first started as a music streamer, he really did want people to subscribe for the music - even with the understanding that Covers would get more interest than the Original stuff. But that was going almost nowhere so he did the very clickbaity thirst trap route, a lot of things he could never confess to Vivian or anyone actually. Boosted his following enough to make an ok-ish living with an apartment (and a needy bossy AF cat roommate) but now he just can't scrub that part of his history away. Once anything is on the internet it's there forever. He probably doesn't truly want Stella to look him up but it may be too late for that. (on a very hilarious note, his full name is embarrassing to him personally. It's a mouthful and sounds like nonsense) 27. What causes them to feel dread?  Is saying the minute he stepped into Scarlet Hollow a cop-out. Being in the Holler lights his Mystical senses as if he was standing right on a pyre. Sure he's had vague dreams all his life but actually being in the place that had been calling, practically screaming in recent months leading up to his visits... He's 4 days for 4 days on Cassandra premonition on Something Absolutely Insane and People are going to Die or get Hurt (except on Day 4 where no one truly did but a lot of things certainly happened all at once all of a sudden even). Also as of Day 4, our dear Sybil Forsyth. Which internally confuses him because he can swear to himself he sensed no malice but when she stared him down after the whole Kaneeka incident? Something just doesn't sit right with him. (Am I saying he at least genuinely trusted her prior Episode 4? Yes. The over-reliance on his Mystical trait is maybe even a huge potential detriment) 40. How sensitive are they to their own flaws? You can say Tabby hit the nail on the head about him. He needs people to like him and needing that validation maybe does eat at him. He takes being a people person to the extreme sometimes. So you can say he knows he's needy for love and attention and he's aware but he sure as hell as not managed to do anything to change that. It circles back to wanting people to trust him and people he can be equally honest with as well. Also the double edge sword of 'Do people like me only because of my face or actually for me'. Game-wise, it does work out for him in gaining trust at least but he does not know that.

[screadingchallenge]

Behind the Keyboard: Volume 3

Behind the Keyboard is a series of interviews with different Schitt’s Creek fanfic authors. The series will last as long as there is interest (from authors) and capacity (from me). If you are an author from the Schitt’s Creek fandom who would like to participate, send a DM to this account.

Each author was given ten questions. The first five questions are the same for every author, the last five will vary.

Remember, this year’s Reading Challenge begins July 15, so polish up those MFL lists.

Let’s meet our next author:

Sspaz1000 / @sspaz1000​

How many fics have you written?

For Schitt’s Creek only 6, but a few other fandoms have quite a bit more, and a bunch never put onto Ao3 yet (slowly working my stuff over from the days of LJ, lol)

When did you publish your first fic on AO3?

November 12th, 2020

Describe your writing process from “Oh, I have an idea” to pushing publish on AO3 

I write notes down, anywhere, and then I probably let it sit for way way too long, and then sometimes I just start writing and see what happens. Hopefully I finish something. Then I freak out for a bit, ask a friend to Beta, and edit and freak out some more. Then post. 

Tell me about your most recent fic? What do you love about it? Is there anything you think you could have done better?

Last Schitt’s Creek fic was titled I will help you out, if you let me. Yes a total play on Noah song lyrics. I think I love the title, and I liked that I got into each of their head’s during friends and family episode.  What could I have done better? Not use so much dialogue from the show in a short piece? But I kind of had to go along with it. I’m torn on this one. 

What advice would you give to someone who’s thinking about publishing their fic for the first time?

Just do it, and don’t give a f*** what people say. Get out of your head and do it. Take Dan’s advice and follow through. Because if you follow through guess what you have a finished product. 

What’s one thing that you’d like to say to your favorite Schitt’s Creek character?

David Rose, you are well loved and have a lot of love to give. Let it all out and enjoy your husband. 

The beginning, middle or end of a fic. Which do you like the most? Which is the worst?

In writing? I like the beginning, because that’s generally where my ideas are beginnings of somethings. Then actually making the words to fill out the rest of it is tough. And titles making titles is the worst. 

Are you interested in writing original fiction?

Yes, you can see on my Ao3 page I’ve posted some old school originals from 2009. I’ve done NaNoWriMo since 2007, only made the 50k words one time in 2012. But I’ve written something every year for it. Most times it’s a combo of fanfic and original. Try to see which idea gives me more motivation or steam.  Do I have an outline of a m/m romance story that has been outlined for a decade? Yes. Will I ever start writing it? Someone kick my butt into doing the scary thing. 

When did you start writing?

Umm I don’t remember, but I kind of always liked writing, though being told in college I wasn’t good at journalism and stuff took some fun out of it. Fanfic I started writing most likely 2009 with Torchwood fanfic. Though I feel like I wrote stuff for Scrubs (Patrick Drake/Robin Scorpio Drake) on General Hospital before that. (I’m not sure if any of that exists anywhere if I did but definitely they were my first ship)

Schitt’s Creek got me back into writing. 

Outlines - yes or no?

As defined by NaNoWriMo, I’m a Plantser. Someone who plans and doesn’t plan at the same time. Like I kind of like having a it starts here, needs to go here, and this is how I want it to end, but I find if I do too much more than that, I get really detailed, and I don’t write anything except detailed outlines of stuff. 

[tinyboxxtink]

"Betrayed" *Chapter 21*

Chapter 20

Chapter 22

Woof, guys. It's been a rough week. I got this ridiculous toothache last Sunday and it still hasn't gone away. I finally went to a dentist on Friday, only for him to tell me I need a root canal. And about a million other things, but that's irrelevant.

I've been managing on Tylenol and Orajael, it mostly only hurts when I eat or drink a lot now.

Anyway, that was a long-winded way to say this chapter is also a bit "Short". It's taken me four days just to write it, and I have more plot for it, but I found a good stopping point and I had to give you something.

I hope it's not too huge a disappointment for waiting a week!

Disclaimer: I do not like Lucia Barba, I never have. She was a horrible mother to Rafael on SVU in my opinion, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. So, I have written her equally as evil as I saw her on SVU episodes. Don't like it? My universe, my Lucia. Sorry!

Tag List:

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

@fandom-princess-forevermore

@meishaabae

—------------

You couldn’t believe it. That nurse had pulled for you at the last possible second, and you couldn’t be more grateful. But now what? You have to get to Room 228. That’s what the doctor had told Rafael’s mother. So, assuming you were currently on the ground floor, you’d need an elevator. Or some stairs.

You looked around at all the nurses and doctors running around all lost in their own worlds, but a few did give you questionable looks. You debated whether you should try and find some scrubs to wear in order to blend in, or just take your chances.

After about a half of a second of deliberating you decided this was no time to start attempting some sitcom hijinks, you’d just wing it. Family members could be back here, right? Just stay calm, and act like you belong here. It will be fine.

You confidently strolled through the hall where you reached an elevator. You pressed UP and waited for it to arrive. You were doing your hardest to stay calm and nonchalant, but inside your social anxiety was nowhere near stable enough to keep this up for long. Maybe you should have taken the stairs.

After what seemed like an eternity, you finally heard the ding of the elevator and the doors opened. You immediately jumped into it and hit “CLOSE DOOR”, but a hand reached in at the last second to hold it open. You held your breath waiting to see who was getting on with you. Luckily, it was Dr. Wolowitz. Well, you sure hoped it was lucky.

“Ah, hello again,” he gave you a warm smile, allowing you to let out a breath you were holding.

“I don’t believe we were properly introduced downstairs,” He extended his hand. “Dr. Howard Wolowitz,”

“Y/N Reynolds,” you said meekly while shaking his hand.

“Oh well I certainly know who you are, Miss Reynolds,” He winked. “You’re trending on New York’s Twitter feed right now, actually,”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake…” You put your hands over your face in embarrassment.

“I assume you’re heading up to see Mr. Barba?” He tried to change the subject.

“...Yes…” You looked at the floor nervously, terrified he was going to kick you out.

“Well, if I were you, I’d wait for his mother to leave," He chuckled to your relief. "She is…”

“Scary?” You finished his sentence.

“Very,” He laughed. “I think she was lecturing him when I left, even though he’s still sedated!”

“Jesus Christ,” You muttered under your breath, scared of what exactly you were about to walk in on.

—---

--Meanwhile--

Rafael’s mother had indeed been lecturing her son while he was unconscious, but it was more for her benefit than his. She always felt better if she was talking; she hated silence, Much like Rafael. Luckily for her he was starting to come out of it before she really let loose on him.

“...Mami?” He groaned, hearing her voice at his sudden consciousness.

“Raffi!” She stopped muttering to herself and threw her arms around him. After a moment of hugging him, she slapped him across the back of his head.

“Ow!” Rafael yelled. “What was that for?”

“Are you stupid?! ¿Eres estúpido?!” She tried smacking his head once more, but he grabbed her hand and pushed it away.

“Ay! Mami!” He exclaimed while dodging her disapproving blows. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh right, like this isn’t the reason I had to take two trains and a bus to get here in midday traffic,” She held up her phone to his face; it showed a headline of yours and Rafael’s “intimate” moment.

“Dios mio– Mami WHY do you have that?! You don’t even have a smartphone!” He pushed the phone away in disgust while his face turned a deep shade of red. He had never dreamed his mother would see that photo, and now here she was shoving it in his face.

“My friends have been sending me “links” and this photo since your little escapade, Raffi!” She exclaimed.

“Like you can open ‘links on that dinosaur phone,” he rolled his eyes.

“Well, my dinosaur can still load pictures! LIKE THIS ONE!” she shoved the phone in his face angrily.

You approached room 228 and peered in the window, listening to the conversation now:

“...And then I get a phone call today from the hospital saying my son has just been admitted with a heart attack. And then when I get here, some ‘doctor’ who could easily be my GRANDSON tells me you had it from ‘extreme physical activity’!”

“So, I was running, and–” Rafael immediately tried spinning a tale for her.

“Oh no no no,” She wagged a finger. “Don’t even try that mierda with me, Raffi. We both know what kind of ‘workout’ you were getting,”

“Mami…por amor a los dioses…” He muttered angrily. “Can we not do this right now?”

“Oh, what? Discuss your little ramera?” Mrs. Barba narrowed her eyes.

“DON’T call her that,” Rafael growled. “She’s not a tramp, she’s the woman I’m going to marry,”

“QUE?!” She screeched. “Now what in the holy hell did she do to you to get you to propose to her?!”

“She loved me,” He replied simply, making you smile behind the door.

“And…?” She crossed her arms. “You meet this girl after two seconds and wanna get married? What’s this really about?”

“You know what it’s about, mama,” Rafael said seriously.

“Que?” she asked with genuine confusion.

“Yelena,” Rafael stated flatly.

“Yelana?” his mother laughed. “Wha– Alex’s Yelena?”

“She was MY Yelena first and you know it, mami!” Rafael yelled as his fists clenched.

Well, you couldn’t say that didn’t hurt. But you knew what he meant.

Yelena and Alex had destroyed a part of him all those years ago, and you brought it back. Now he wanted to hold you as tight as he could to himself, and you couldn’t blame him for it. Hell, you couldn’t be mad at it. You wanted to be held as tight to him as he wanted to.

“Oh Raffi,” She shook her head. “You were children, ustedes eran niños! You really still hold a grudge against him for that?”

“Are you serious?” Rafael’s eyes widened in shock. “You think that–”

“And anyway mijo,” She talked over him. “After that happened it drove you to pursue law school, si? So really, you should be thanking them,”

“Thanking them?!” He scoffed. “Really mami, you think–”

“Is that why you didn’t help him with his legal troubles?” She cut him off while thinking out loud. “Because he ‘stole your toys’?”

“I didn’t help him because he was sleeping with minors, mami!” Rafael suddenly bellowed angrily.

“Ay, Raffi!” She looked around as if people could hear the two of them. “Don’t be so judgmental, mijo. He could’ve done a lot of good for el barrio if he had become mayor. Just because he had a zipper problem–”

That was it, you weren’t going to stand here and let another woman steamroll Rafael’s self-worth another second.

----------

“Alright that’s enough,” You swung open the door and stormed into the room.

“...Yeah, that seems about right,” Rafael’s grimace turned to a triumphant smile as you burst in.

“You!” Mrs. Barba gasped. “You little–”

“Uh uh, you’re done talking,” You wagged an angry finger.

“What took you so long?” Rafael sighed in relief, knowing his lady of shining armor was here to protect him.

“Well, I was waiting for an opening,” You pushed past her and sat down on Rafael’s bed while he instinctively draped his arm around your shoulder.

“But you,” You scowled at her, taking Rafael’s hand. “You are a horrible mother, and I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you badger your son while he’s HURT,”

“How dare you–”

“No how dare YOU,” You cut her off, standing up from Rafael’s bed. “You really stood there and told your son to be more like a PEDOPHILE? Are you serious?”

“He is NOT–” She protested.

“Oh bullshit,” You weren’t letting her get a word in. “Look I don’t know what it is with you and that guy, but he’s a bad person in general AND he betrayed your son. How is that not grounds enough for you to hate him?”

“You know you might wanna review all the facts before you start on me, chiquita,” She narrowed her eyes.

“Raffi just finished telling me Yelena is the reason he’s marrying you, so he clearly is just doing to, what Raffi?” She looked past you at Rafael.

“Marrying a younger woman, more attractive than Yelena? Who’s got the zipper problem now?”

“You stupid–” You started to rip her a new one, but Rafael grabbed your hand from the edge of his bed and pulled you back.

“Get out,” He growled at his mother.

“What?” she half laughed at the notion.

“Get…out,” He repeated in a slow, guttural tone.

“Rafael, you are in the hospital after just having a heart attack. I’m not leaving you with some girl–” She started to lecture him.

“That ‘girl’ loves me more than you have my entire life, mother!” He finally lost it.

“Excuse me?” Mrs. Barba let out an offended exhale at his statement.

“I’ve never been good enough for you,” he continued. “Alex was the son you never had, I was just this burden who made your husband leave,”

“Rafael!” Mrs. Barba gasped, looking from you to him. She was clearly more horrified that he was airing out their dirty laundry in front of you rather than actual remorse. “How can you say that?”

“Because you let him beat the shit out of me!” Rafael screamed angrily.

Both you and Mrs. Barba froze at the accusation. You looked from Rafael to his mother and back again, waiting for either of them to make a move. You could see Rafael’s lip trembling, but he wasn’t backing down.

“Rafael, you know that’s not true–” Mrs. Barba tried to gaslight him, but he wasn’t a kid anymore.

“Bullshit!” He yelled. “All those nights when you asked me to sleep with you in your bed when he would go out until the bars closed. You told me it was to keep me safe, but really it was so he’d get to me before YOU!”

Both you and Mrs. Barba gasped out loud at the revelation.

“Mijo you’re hopped up on all of these pain meds, you have no idea what you’re saying,” Rafael’s mother was still playing the ‘loving mother’ act, but neither of you were buying it.

“Mrs. Barba, I suggest you get out of here, right now,” You warned.

“Excuse me?” Mrs. Barba scoffed while she stepped towards you, threatening to get in your face. “If you think that I’m going to leave my son–”

“Oh please, please give me a reason,” You stood up from the bed.

“To what?” She asked with a confused look.

“To beat the shit out of you,” You warned. “I’ll claim it was self-defense,”

“Cómo te atreves…” Mrs. Barba huffed under her breath. “Raffi wouldn’t let you–”

“Why not mami?” Rafael chimed in. “Aren’t you the one who taught me to lie for your significant other?”

“I…you…” Mrs. Barba blinked back tears at her son’s words. Unable to think of anything to say back, she quickly scurried out the door.

------------

You sat back down on Rafael's bed as soon as she exited. It was a few moments for the both of you to process what had just occurred, but before you knew it Rafael was burying his face into your shoulder, collapsing into sobs. You sat there and just held him, looking up at the sky while mentally yelling at yourself.

“You will not fall apart right now. You will not. This isn’t your trauma, this is his. Woman up. Even if this is completely freaking you out because you’ve literally never seen him break down like this. You will keep calm,”

You took a deep breath and sucked back tears, stroking his head lovingly while whispering comforting words to him. “Shh, it’s okay baby. It’s alright,”

After a few more minutes of him quietly sobbing, he finally managed to calm himself down enough to look at you.

“Thank you,” He whispered.

“What?” Your eyebrows scrunched at the gratitude.

“Thank you for kicking her out,” He gestured towards the door.

“Oh,” you shrugged. “No problem,”

“No, really,” He sniffled, composing himself. “I’ve wanted…needed, to say that for a long time,”

“Yeah?” You asked him sadly as a pang of guilt hit your heart.

You knew how close Hispanic families were, especially when it came to mothers and sons. While Rafael never seemed like a “mama’s boy” to you, it was pretty obvious they were extremely close.

“Yeah,” He nodded sadly.

“...I’m so sorry baby,” the guilt ate at you the sadder he looked.

“No, no seriously Y/N I needed to–” He shook his head while he tried to dissuade your guilt.

“No, not about that,” You waved your hands. “I almost killed you!”

“Killed me?” He let out a small laugh.

“Yes!” You exclaimed seriously, annoyed he wasn’t taking this more seriously.

“Miss Reynolds,” He sat up straighter.

“Rafael Barba is not a man who can be taken down by a vagina,” he teased, letting you know he remembered everything you had said back at the apartment.

“Not even one as sensational as yours,” He added with a wink.

“Raff!” You blushed as you lightly hit him in embarrassment. “But seriously– the doctor told me why you had a heart attack–”

“Angina attack,” he clarified. “Not even a real heart attack, Y/N,”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes.

“I guess next time I’ll just have to let you keep control then, won’t I?” He winked at you.

“Next time?” You bit your lip with a small smile.

“Oh, most definitely,” He chuckled while pressing his lips against yours in a small kiss. “And many more times to come, I assure you,”

“Oh well in that case,” You giggled as you kissed him back.

“You know maybe I should just get in better shape. I do like being in the driver’s seat,” He suddenly thought out loud.

“Baby I don’t want you to overexert yourself–” you protested.

“Hey, I’ll have you know I was quite the stud before my little…sabbatical,” He puffed up his chest all macho-like.

“Oh, were you?” You raised an eyebrow at the clear peacocking he was attempting.

“Yes, in fact–” He was ready to start bragging boisterously, but the nervous expression on your face made him think better of it. “...Never mind,”

“It’s fine, Rafa,” You stroked his hair with a sad smile. “It’s not like I thought you were saving yourself for me,”

“There weren’t tons,” He quickly changed his tune.

“Liar,” You gave him a look. “I’m sure there were plenty,”

“Well let’s put it this way, mi amor–” He pulled you closer back into his chest. “None of them ever gave me a heart attack,”

“Yeah, because you weren’t old,” You gave him a tongued smile.

“Oh, you little–” He started to tickle you just as Dr. Wolowitz walked in.

“Ah, feeling much better I see, Mr. Barba,” He smiled at the two of you.

“Yes, I am,” He agreed while not letting go of you.

“Glad to hear it,” the doctor smiled at the two of you.

“Are you–” You looked around uneasily. “...Am I okay to be in here?”

“What?” Rafael looked at you curiously.

“I believe what she means is the fact that she had to sneak in here, Mr. Barba,” The doctor explained to Rafael.

“Sneak in here?” Rafael’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why would she have to–”

“It’s family only back here in the ICU,” the doctor answered his question without him finishing it.

“Oh, right,” Rafael mumbled, looking down at his bed. He was playing with your hands in his when he looked back up and over to you. "You know, we could remedy that problem very easily,”

“What?” Your mouth dropped open.

“Oh, it’s really not a problem Mr. Barba,” Dr. Wolowitz assured him.

“But what if I had died?” Rafael looked at him seriously. “All of my estate is sanctioned to go to my mother if I were to pass, and right now that is entirely unacceptable,”

“Oh my god,” you muttered. “Rafael if you’re trying to scare me or piss me off into marrying you right now–”

“I’m just pointing out facts, dear,” He smiled smugly.

“Well, we’re not doing that, especially not here,” You shook your head.

“Why especially not–”

“Because that nurse out there basically told me that if I told her we got married, she’d let me back here,” You gestured towards where you had come from.

“So…?” He made a face at you.

“So she could call the tabloids, Rafael!” You exclaimed.

“She could call them anyway!” he reminded you.

“I’m sorry, are you actually upset just because I don’t want to call in a priest to marry us right now?” You half laughed with a snarky bite.

“I just said, all of my things would go to my mother, and she doesn’t deserve ANYTHING–” He started to argue again.

“Alright see that’s the thing,” You stopped him. “Baby you’re pissed at your mom right now, and rightfully so. But, you’re also hopped up on pain meds, and emotional, and–”

“Now you’re on her side?” He sounded more hurt than upset.

“I’m not on any sides! There are no sides!” You exclaimed.

“Where have I heard that before?” Rafael suddenly threw your words back in your face with a sly smile.

“Not to be combative here Mr. Barba,” the doctor chimed in. “But I do believe your—” He looked between the two of you trying to discern a term for your relationship.

“Girlfriend,” you finished for him.

“Fiancee,” Rafael clarified.

“Anyway, you are probably still very…for lack of a better term, ‘out of it’. Sedatives from surgeries aren’t an easy drug to come off of,” Dr. Wolowitz went on.

“Right, so just get some sleep baby and we’ll talk about this later, yeah?” You stroked his hair while giving him a sympathetic look.

“We need to wheel you into a non ICU room anyway, now that you’re awake Mr. Barba,” The doctor added before addressing you. “Recovery rooms are on the fourth floor,”

“I’ll see you up there,” you gave him a kiss on the cheek before starting to walk out.

“Y/N,” Rafael called, making you pause and turn.

“Yes?” You looked back at him with one hand on the door handle.

“You’ll come back, right?” He asked in a soft voice.

He sounded so small, so vulnerable. Not the rough and tough man you’d always see strutting around the courtroom. He was clearly very much still ‘out of it; and the debacle with his mother wasn’t helping his abandonment issues already bubbling at the surface of his still foggy mind.

You walked back over and slowly kissed him long and deep while running your fingers through his hair. After a few moments of your assuring kisses, you pulled back with the biggest smile on your face:

“Try and stop me,”

[takerfoxx]

The Owl House, Season 2, Episode 12, "Elsewhere and Elsewhen," First Impressions!

In which new familial bonds are formed, old ones are repaired, and we are treated to the world’s most obvious plot twist (that still works)!

So we finally get a full Lilith episode! Hey girl, been a hot minute! Congrats on the whole “coming out” as one of the few aroace reps in a children’s cartoon! Man, The Owl House is bound and determined to hit all the colors, ain’t they?

Lilith has really grown on me over this last season. I never really disliked her, but she was firmly on the stuffy antagonist side for all of season one, so it was hard to really dig into her, even with her relationship with Eda. But here in season two we’ve been able to slowly peel away those layers. We’ve gotten to see her softer side with her lovely friendship with Hooty, we’ve seen her try make up for how much she’s hurt Eda (while still never really being let off the hook for it, which I appreciate). And most of all, as she is no longer the head of the Emperor’s Coven, she’s finally been able just be herself and reveal my favorite part of her: her geeky side.

I love watching her nerd out over her studies. Like, she is just so better suited for academia instead of her old job. And okay, I know it’s kind of a somewhat problematic stereotype the Venn diagram between aroace and autistic characters is kind of a circle, but screw it, I’m aro, I’m autistic, and right now I’m feeling that autistic vibe from her and loving it.

But she’s also taken numerous blows to the ol’ ego. Yes, she’s repaired her relationship with her family and I’m sure that she’s secretly glad to be away from Belos, but with no magic and her name now being mud, that doesn’t leave someone as ambitious as her with very many job opportunities. So she’s basically having to start over, taking a scrub job at the museum. Still, I can see her rising through the ranks to become head curator or whatever, but it’s clearly going to be a climb, and it’s clear that she isn’t happy with how far she’s fallen, though I’m glad that so many people came out to support her, including her biggest simp. Hey, Steve!

…

Get it?

Because he’s voiced by Matt Chapman?

Hey, Steve? The obscure Homestar Runner character? Like, his name was literally Hey, Steve?

I thought it was funny.

But also in the party is another new character, Flora Explora (and yes, the Dora thing is totally intentional and lampshaded. Apparently she’s voiced by the same person that voices Dora’s mom or something, ha), who was Lilith’s mentor before Lilith turned away from exploring and academia, and while she’s glad that Lilith is back on “the right path,” she’s also kind of condescending about it, and seeing how sensitive Lilith is about her fall from grace, it just gives her the drive to prove herself.

Naturally, there’s someone nearby that knows exactly how that feels, someone on a quest of her own, who is still stinging over recent failures and could use someone with a vast wealth of knowledge.

Now that they’re no longer enemies, I really like Luz and her new Cool Aunt Lilith. And it might be blasphemy to say so, but they actually kind of click a little better than Luz and Eda did. Lilith is just into more of the same things that Luz is, and the two have a lot of chemistry when it comes to rooting out secrets, such as the Time Pools.

Though to be honest, I thought the Time Pools would be a bigger thing than they were, but nope. Just the device to send them back in time to finally meet with Philip Wittebane. That whole business about paradoxes and the Bloodyfly Effect (heh)? Never even becomes an issue. But given how much they packed into this episode and how little fat it has, they really had to keep things moving.

And yes, the dead reveler gag was amazing.

Anyway, Philip, our mysterious journal-writing human from the past! We finally get to meet him, and in the process we learn a few things!

First, the time of Wild Magic? Actually pretty cool, and people who use it regularly are pretty nice. Actually, things seem a bit more advanced and civilized than Belos’s nightmare world.

Also? It apparently took him years to find all the glyphs that he has, while it only took Luz a few weeks. Almost as if the island was hiding them from him…

Okay, look: he’s Belos. Everyone called it, including me. He got stranded in the Boiling Isles like Luz, he sought out to learn about magic through glyphs like Luz, but because he’s a fucking manipulative asshole who is very much a British Imperialist, he ended up becoming a despotic monster. Those weird mutations Belos has been dealing with? Came about because he tried writing glyphs on his own flesh. Not a good idea. And hey, did’ja notice that blue tooth in his bag, along with the stolen Palisman? Remember the demons that were pushing him around, one with a green tooth and one with a red tooth, and how they mentioned that they got their friend Blue Tooth killed? Guy is a straight up serial killer, only interested in how he can exploit everything and everyone around him. I already suspected that was the case, but when Lilith noted how uncomfortably familiar his mannerisms were, that cinched it.

But that does raise quite a few questions. I’m assuming that he actually figured the portal out fairly early, and could have gone home at any time afterward. But he hints that he has greater aims than simply finding a way home, what with the Day of Unity thing. Obviously it will be an invasion of some kind, and will also involve the Collector, but in what capacity is impossible to say.

As for the aforementioned Collector, I’m getting serious Bill Cipher vibes. As if in, this is going to be the ultra-powerful wildcard threat, the chaotic evil that will likely be a major part of the finale. We know very little about him though, other than his affinity for celestial body symbols (as do the Blights, just pointing that out), and that he was the one originally responsible for turning the Owlbeast into a cursed scroll. Other than that? Not a whole lot.

And does he remember Luz and Lilith? Does he know that Lilith was the one who broke his nose? Was that what all of Belos’s cryptic mentions of them meeting again were all about?

Also! We get another brief glimpse of Philip’s brother, who yes, still looks a whole lot like Hunter. And we also see what seems to be an early Grimwalker recipe in Philip’s lab. So it looks like the theory of Hunter being a magical clone of Philip’s brother is proving to be correct. It did say that he needs Stonesleeper lungs for the recipe. And, uh, I guess we now know how he got them (yikes). Though let me just say that when Lilith made an offhand reference to Stonesleeper’s weak spot, I knew it would come back later in the episode.

But what is Hunter for? Did Belos simply miss his brother, or does he have some other purpose for the kid? He kept mentioning sacrifices. Like, is he going to sacrifice Hunter to the Collector or something?

In the B-Plot, we finally meet Eda’s dad, who she’s been running from ever since her curse was tripped and she unintentionally attacked him. Apparently, he was an expert Palisman carver, but the injuries she inflicted upon him made it impossible.

Man, this family just has so much guilt. Lilith felt terrible for cursing Eda and spent so much time trying to help her (but went about it in very much the wrong way). Gwen feels bad for letting her daughters down, causing her to make even more mistakes. And Eda feels awful for hurting her father, leading her to run from him for decades!

And what really hurts is that it isn’t like she feels that he hates her or whatever. No, she knows full well that he has already forgiven her. It’s that she feels that she doesn’t deserve his forgiveness, and so won’t let him give it to her.

But I’m glad that they finally got the chance to talk. It’s clear that he’s come to terms with things and just wants his daughter back. That was really nice. Dell is a good dude.

Also, Eda is totally going to take up his mantle and help Luz with her Palisman, isn’t she?

And we also get another interesting bit of information. The Owl House is Dell’s old tower, now repaired! But Hooty wasn’t a part of it then! How did he and Eda meet, I wonder?

This season continues to fire on all cylinders, and each new episode is the highlight of my week. I am so going to miss it when it’s gone.

[lowkeyanakin]

Yay!! You did the game! It's fun though, right? It's making me look through all my WIPs and get excited for them all over again.

Okay onto the ask game... I'm super curious about 5 + 1 hands and the Scrubs one!

hello!! it is indeed super fun because i honestly forgot about half of those lmao and ahhhhh i just want to put them out there for people to read

BUT, LET'S GET INTO IT!!

5 + 1 hands

it was a random non sw prompt i reblogged a few months ago and it gave me super tender obikin ideas. basically it was this one:

(yes it's seven not six one has to go I KNOW)

Star Wars x Scrubs

@complementaryhalves is to blame for this and basically a CERTAIN character dies (not satine lmao) and obi-wan is very obi-wan about it. it's based on a scrub's episode revolving around a funeral (for those who have watched it: 3x14) and cecilia will write the 'prequel', using episode 15 of season 6 as a reference. i'd like to say more but i dont want to spoil the series lol

very fucking sad with a background obikin!!

for this wip game, please send more!!