#yes i am spoiling a bit of his story but idc

[luminique]

ooh boothill thoughts plague me but what if he makes pinky promises cuz it reminds him of his past? or what if while traveling through the galaxy, he’d see something, take a pic and save it in hopes to share it with everyone when he’s back? oughsghs im so sick actually…..

[irish-urn]

AHHH!!! And you thought it'd take you at least the weekend to do this, lol. Mix of Dasey AND Robstar, you spoil us. I'm intrigued by all of these, but I'm going to try and limit myself to 3 each.

Robstar - 9: Yes! I love these 2 so much and adding Batman is fantastic, bring on the drama!

15: He was visibly awestruck when meeting her, this tracks.

18: Soulmate AU???? I LOVE! Also poor baby Robin, horrible time to meet to meet your soulmate, honestly.

Dasey - 1: Co-parenting? I love, I'm such a sucker for a co-parenting story platonic, romantic, idc I love them so much.

3: The songwriter AU you've talked to me about!!! I love it, I cannot wait to see what songs you've picked.

17: The vibes here are immaculate, I have no clue what's happening, but I am INTRIGUED!

(Also is 20 Hades and Persephone AU? It feels like it)

There is absolutely no spoiling; I have a problem, dude, and that's all there is to it.

ROBSTAR: (9) OKAY LOOK: this is a trilogy that I have been thinking about for YEARS. It's adorable and a little bit angsty, and they are adorable and I LOVE THIS IDEA. One day I will finish it. I think. I hope.

(15) They are penpals; it's an AU and it's sappy as heck.

(18) SOULMATE AU???? Heavily inspired by The Greatest Showman and Zendaya and Zac Efron's characters???? Yes. Again, something I suuuuuper wanna write; I just have to figure out what time period it's set in and how much I wanna play with mixed-race relationships and class-struggles.

DASEY: (1) There is co-parenting!! I am having a blast with my Life with Luca series, even though I, like, have a dozen other fics to write.

(3) This is ONE of the songwriting fics I've told you about, YEAH. I'm hoping that Derek has gained some emotional maturity by the time he's in his 30s, but Skyler has had to have a couple of talks with him already about calling the songs "shitty".

(17) I think about this AU almost every day, no lie. I wish I could focus on it because it's gonna be a blast I think. It is not set during any specific year (bizarre for me, I know), and it involves a lot of music.

and (20) IS the Hades/Persephone AU, YEAHHHHH!!! You are a very good guesser!!

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse]

Spoiled Goods (Eomer x Fem!reader)

Word Count: 2181

Warnings: Dark, mentions of sex, bruises, etc. Not a wholesome story that's for sure. I'd rate it PG-13, so please don't read it if it makes you uncomfy, and if you do, well don't say I didn't warn you

Summary: Basically you get used by Wormtongue (Eugh) to keep Eowyn and Eomer safe, and then try and hide it from them. Don't ask how I got such a twisted idea, because IDK

A/N NOT IN THE BOOK OR MOVIES BUT IDC I GOT THE IDEA SO SUCK IT UP

The light shone in my face, piercing through my eyelids. I felt sore all over. And then I heard it. Harsh breathing next to me. Then I remembered what had taken place the night before. What I had sacrificed. But what I had saved. I opened my eyes, and slowly, carefully, got out of the bed. Wormtongue was still asleep thankfully, so I did not have to deal with him at the moment. I picked up my nightgown, putting it on as quietly as possible. Then I grabbed my slippers and slowly opened the door. I heard a bit of stirring, but then the snoring resumed. Once I was in the hallway, I ran as fast as I could, away from that room.

Turning around a corner, I slammed into someone. We both fell to the ground, and when I offered a hand to help the other up, I realized who it was.

"Eowyn, why are you awake this early?" I questioned.

She smiled gently, "I woke up earlier than normal, and I wanted to start some of my work early. Why are you up and walking around in your nightwear? Is everything alright?"

I faked a smile. "Yes Wyn, everything is fine. Well, I will be heading back to my room now!"

I tried to step around her but she blocked me. "Y/n, what is wrong? Your dress is all buttoned wrong, and you aren't even walking from your room. Remember, I know you better than anyone, so stop lying to me."

I faltered. Should I tell her? Should I tell her what I did? Why I did it? No, it would only hurt her. I smiled weakly again. "Wyn, I am fine. Now please let me go to my room." She relented and let me pass her. But she followed me down the hall and into my room. I should have known nothing would stop her from poking in my business. But at the moment, I could care less. I was exhausted, my body hurt, and I just wanted to cry.

We walked into my room and she went straight into the bathroom, where there was already water in the bath, probably meant to be used last night. She dipped her hand in it, testing the temperature.

"Why is there still water in your bath y/n? It was a hot night, so it is at a comfortable temperature. Please do not lie to me. You know how I feel about it." Eowyn said.

I stuttered. "I-I-I don't want to say. You would be disgusted with me. I am already disgusted with myself. "

She countered, "It can't possibly be that bad. You have always been a bit on the dramatic side. Please just tell me."

I could hardly utter the words to myself, much less to her. She would hate me. So I began to unbutton my nightgown. I would not tell her, but I could show her. She gasped when she saw the bruises on my chest, my arms, my thighs. I lowered my head in shame. It looked horrible, to begin with, but it would be even worse when she learned why I had said yes, why I had let him use me.

"What happened?" Eowyn said faintly. She helped me into the bath and then sat next to it, waiting for me to continue.

"W-Wormtongue. He was going to have you and Eomer killed." I was trying to hide the fear, and how mad I was at myself. My eyes began to betray me, welling up slightly.

Eowyn's eyes widened with shock. "That, that horrible!" She could not even finish her sentence, her words distorting with her fury. Her cheeks reddened, clearly enraged. "How dare he even touch you without your permission! I should personally kill him myself! And Eomer helping me! No one is ever allowed to do this to you."

I lowered my eyes, feeling guilt spread through me. "Wyn...he had my permission," I mumbled, not daring to look at her. "But I had to, I could never lose you, or Eomer for that matter."

I heard her shift slightly, her skirts rustling against the floor. "Y/n," she said softly. "I am so sorry that this happened to you. But I do have a question. Why would he have threatened Eomer as well as me? You are not as close, and he has a more fighting chance against him."

I grew even more embarrassed, hardly speaking above a whisper. "Well, originally, it was only you. But last night, I was trying to get my mind off of what he was doing to me, and, well..." I trailed off.

"Well, what?" Eowyn prodded. "Nothing you say will change how I think of you. I don't want to pressure you, and I know talking will help. Please continue."

Still refusing to meet her eyes, I continued. "Wormtongue told me if I was to speak, I was only to say his name. But I got caught in the moment, trying to think of anything else, and said someone else's name instead."

Eowyn sighed in understanding. "So he added Eomer to the list. I see." She put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Y/n, why didn't you say anything before?"

"I was too ashamed to admit that I had submitted myself to that. It was only a one night deal, but I feel horrible and gross. I feel like spoiled goods, that nobody would want," I responded, finally gaining the courage to look back at her.

She smiled reassuringly. "Well, that is certainly a rotten situation to be in, but I wasn't exactly referring to that. I was talking about Eomer. I presume you have feelings for him. How I did not see this before, I do not know."

I looked down again. "Oh, that. Well, I guess so, but I didn't want to say anything, for fear of ruining a good friendship."

She nodded slowly. "Well, I think I will give you some peace, so please, wash up, and get ready for the day." She started walking out of the room before calling back, "Y/n? I do not think a relationship would be ruined if you were to say something."

Before I could respond, she shut the door, letting me be. I decided not to ponder her words, and just relax in the lukewarm water. I closed my eyes to block the sunlight out. What would Eomer think of me if he heard what I did? I am now spoiled goods. No one will want me after this. No one would want a wife who has been with someone else. I hate myself. How could I do this? No, I knew why I did this. It was worth it. Saving their lives was more important. I began to get out of the bath. I had to face the day  eventually.

As I pulled on my undergarments, I began to notice how dark some of the bruises were getting. My hips were the worst. They were covered with black and blue. Even the ones on my arms were becoming more visible. This was not good, not good at all. I pulled on my dress and darted to Eowyn's room, quickly knocking and entering without waiting. Unfortunately, someone else was there with her, hurriedly speaking.

"Eomer," I breathed, "May I speak with your sister? Alone."

He raised an eyebrow, but nodded, beginning to leave the room. But then he stopped short when he saw my arms. He looked at me with alarm in his eyes but continued to walk out the door. I hardly dared to move, or speak, until I heard the door close behind me.

"Eowyn, I need something to cover my arms better than the dress, it is too pale and you can see the bruises underneath. Do you have anything I might be able to borrow?" I spoke hurriedly, trying to get out of there before Eomer could come back. She nodded, understanding my urgency, and reached into her closet, ruffling through some stuff.

"Here this might work," She suggested, handing me a black, knit-shawl. "I know it is a bit warmer, but it is lightweight. Why are you in such a hurry to leave? If it is because of Eomer, which I am guessing it is, just talk to him. Or at least try. He cares about you a lot too."

I shook my head. "No, it was difficult to tell even you, and besides, caring about someone is different than what I feel for him. I need to go start my duties anyways." I curtsied and headed towards the door. I started down the hall, turning a corner and running into Eomer.

"I really need to check around the corners more often," I grumbled. He chuckled softly.

"How are you doing this lovely morn?" Eomer questioned gently.

I responded quickly. "I am doing just fine. Now if I may," I tried to sidestep around him, determined to leave a difficult conversation before it started. But he grabbed my wrists pulling me back and making me wince. He put my hand in his, showcasing the slight bruising on my wrists. Damn, I should have covered those up. He looked back at me, his eyes darkening.

Very quietly, but laced with danger, he said, "Who did this to you?"

I refused to look at him, slowly pulling my hands out of his grasp. He then began pulling the shawl to the side, gasping softly when he saw the bruises on my arm. He ran his fingers over them, slowly, tenderly. Then he took his other hand, lifting my chin, making me look at him. His eyes pierced mine, and again my eyes betrayed me, beginning to tear up a bit. He withdrew his hand quickly, thinking it was his fault.

"No, you are fine," I whispered. "And I-" My voice broke, I could not admit this to him. I could not tell him what I did. He would be disgusted with me.

"Y/n," his voice was deeper and gravelly, "You can trust me with anything."

I tried turning away again, but he stopped me. "Trust me," He pleaded.

I spoke quietly. "Grima was threatening to kill you and Wyn. I begged him not to, but he only had one way, one thing he wanted me to do in order to never hurt you again. I had no choice, but I hate myself because I let him. But now it is over for me. I am only spoiled goods, no one will ever want me as a wife. So there you go, that is why I was up so early, why I am covered in bruises." This time it was Eomer who turned away, his jaw clenching, his hand turning into a fist.

Then he turned back to me, softly cupping my cheek. "I will kill Wormtongue for even touching you, even if you said yes, he still took advantage of you. Y/n, you will never be spoiled goods, not to me." A tear ran down my face, after all the confessing, I was done, done with everything.

But suddenly I became aware of how little space there was between us, how I was backed against a wall, and how heightened my senses were. He brushed the tear away, his hand a bit calloused. He looked into my eyes, and suddenly I realized what he was looking for, what he was silently waiting for. I nodded, and then he pressed his lips against mine, slowly moving them. I reached my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me, our bodies pressed together. This was amazing and completely different from what had happened the night before. (This had ya girl turned on af) He moved his hands to the small of my back, pulling me even closer to him.

After several glorious minutes, I was the first to pull away but kept my forehead pressed to his. "How long have you felt this way?" I breathed, barely able to contain the joy I felt.

"Many, many years. I was too afraid to say anything."

"Too afraid?" I teased, "Now that is truly surprising."

He laughed, one of my favorite sounds, before pressing a kiss against my forehead. "My dear, please know that you are worth so much, and that, as I said before, you are not spoiled goods. Please, may I have the honor to court you?"

I smiled even wider. "Of course my lord." He picked up my hand, kissing it gently. "I do need you to do something for me," I said, my mood darkening a bit. "No one else must hear of this, for fear that Wormtongue might hear of it. I do not want to know what he might do if he were to hear of it."

Eomer nodded solemnly. "Anything for you, My Lady," he responded.

And so the days passed. Stolen kisses in the dark, going for walks when no one could see, hiding in plain sight. I could still sometimes feel the ghost of hands on me, but that moved on eventually. And soon enough, it was Eomer, only Eomer, and it was pure bliss. Enemies came and went, threats taken down. And I stayed by his side, as he stayed by mine.

[herestheteaig]

What should I do??

Hi, I don’t really know if anyone will see this but I'm gonna try, just incase. If you do choose to respond, you can be as brutally honest & unbiased as you’d like, I’m not easily offended.

I am f19, and have been in a relationship with m18 for almost 6 years. For the sake of his privacy lets call him Joe.

lets call me Mina.

Backstory:

- Joe & I have been together since we were 13, we went to the same secondary school & college (for Americans, same middle school & high school)

- we had been close friends since we were like 11, very visibly super close friends in school.

- when we started dating at the end of our second year, we spent the entire summer together.

- when we got back he just... pretended I didn't exist????

- like tf?

- anyway, we were still hanging out outside of school, but my school separate the year based on grades in third year, so I was placed in X and he was placed in Y, therefore we had 0 classes together

- though, in the corridors, at lunch, at break, etc, he’d pretend I didn't exist???

- he also told me not to tell anyone we were dating???

- this lasted maybe 2 years? until I got really mad and he started acknowledging me in our final year of secondary school & people knew we were dating.

- his mum ended up convincing me to apply to the same college as him, we did different courses so rarely saw each other, but occasionally took the train together on one of our mutual starting times.

- now, I go to university about 2 hours away from our hometown and live there, he doesn’t go to university at all.

the catfish:

- of course the initial: “don’t tell anyone we’re dating”

- when I was still 13, I did something SUPER childish, though no regrets and made a fake iMessage account so he’d think someone was texting him.

- I used Loren Gray’s picture because this boy had NO social medias, he was SO anti it.

- anyway, pretended I had gotten his number on Facebook, and that I had seen him at athletics (he’s an athlete) and I thought he was attractive and asked if he had a girlfriend

- then we went through this long “no I don't” “jk I do” back and forth bullshit. 

- oh he also didn't tell me about her until I said she had messaged me, but whatever idc but that's the first piece of info. 

Sabrina:

- next, I must've been 15?? idk exactly how old I am

- I do not and have NEVER cared who my boyfriend talks to, girl, boy, non-binary, whatever, I don't give a shit. 

- so I'm on his phone, taking snapchats to save to his memories and I kept seeing this girls name pop up. 

- let’s call her Sabrina.

- I had noticed he talks to her a LOT, but he never had mentioned her, but eh its whatever... probably just one of his friends, right?

- I used to just message his friends on his phone so I went onto her chat intending to be like “heyyyy bro, nice to meet you my name is Mina, do you wanna be friends?”

- but I'm seeing messages talking about: “what age would you have sex?”

- side note: he and I both lost our virginities when we were 15, later this year but at this point we had both been “handsy” down there??? 

- anyway she says “18″, he says “you know its legal at 16 tho right?

- “yeah, but still 18″

- “why not 16″

- whatever I don't remember the entire convo.

- so I was like hmm this is a bit sus and scrolled up to see their messages. 

- “do you have a girlfriend” “no” “actually yes” “im joking, no.”

- so im like wait what???

- anyway, I don't mention it for like 7 months? he denies it before saying what he said was innocent and he was just curious in a friendly way. 

- I let it go.

Kendall:

- I was probably 16 or almost 17 at this point 

- again, for privacy, we’ll call this girl Kendall.

- Kendall and I have a mutual friend, we’ll call her Tiana.

- Tiana and I were best friends.

- One day, Tiana messaged me and said hey, my friend Kendall was speaking to  Joe & realised wait isn't that Mina’s boyfriend and sent me these screenshots as soon as she realised.

- I had probably seen her name in his recent chats but didn't care enough to ask about it.

- anyway, the screenshots were just him being super flirty with emojis? like sounds childish but you know what I mean.

- and he was joking about “go to bed its past your bed time” and she was like “no why are you chatting, you’re up too”

- then. THEN. THIS BOI HAS THE AUDACITY.

- “shush and listen to your daddy”

- wHAT.

- I immediately confront him and he denies knowing anyone of that name at first, before saying oh I didn't mean it like that, it was like a mum/ dad joke we have

- so again, I let it go

Adrien:

- back in school, my maths teacher sent myself and this boy to the study area which is an open space in the school, visible from all levels.

- lets call him Adrien.

- note: adrien and I were both quite smart and in top set for most classes, our surnames are next to eachother on the register so were often seated beside each other. 

- we were very very close FRIENDS

- so we’re doing work, chatting a bit- whatever

- at some point, he jokingly pushes my head away, idk what I said, I do not remember. 

- note: the entire school is IN CLASS.

- a few seconds later, I feel my phone vibrate, sneak it out of my pocket to see a text from Joe: “why is Adrien touching your face?”

- I look around and no ones there, anyway he still gets mad about it now.

Other stuff:

- he used to threaten to kill himself if i broke up with him

- or if we were arguing he’d say he can do this anymore, imply suicide, the leave his phone for ages and get super mad if I contacted his sister or mum to find out if he was safe.

- sometimes i’d see him joking around on his sisters snapchat story when I'm panicking because he said he’d kill himself.

- I'm not materialistic, but the fact that he rarely would get me bday/xmas presents was kinda upsetting. (he has a lot of money, my family is broke but I make the BIGGEST deal out of xmas and his bday and everything)

- would work extra hours so he’d feel so so spoiled on xmas and his bday. 

- once he got me just a xmas themed toilet roll on Christmas, last year he gave me a small jar of vegan candies.

- I think he acknowledged valentines day twice in our relationship? 

- which was sad because pre-relationship, valentines was my fave day of the year & I'd hand out heart shaped chocolates to everyone at school.

- often blames his mental health on me.

- will cut me off and then act like I'm the one not listening to HIS problems. 

- if another guy has a crush on ME, then he gets mad at me?

- every boy in my college class admitted to having a crush on me at some point, awkward but my course was reliant on group projects so I couldn't just block them??? they all knew I had a bf

Extra:

- I have never orgasmed ONCE in my entire life... rip

- when I say he is ACTUALLY jealous, I mean like ACTUALLY jealous of me having a crush on like... cartoon characters?? (& also anime characters)

- has said sexist and transphobic things, that I DRAGGED him for.

- I think he's very manipulative and also immature. 

- hates that I'm smart

- HATES that my love language is acts of service. like HATES it.

- there's more but I won't bore you.

mini story:

- we went to Paris for my 18th birthday. 

- he tried to break up with me right before because “he feels like shit compared to other guys”

- I was crying down the phone (I never ever cry) begging him to reconsider

- we went to Paris, it was nice. 

- note: we also had sex there

- and then we get back and he says: “I hated you the entire time” and other stuff but I don't remember

this is according to him:

- I think I'm right all the time and think im little miss perfect

- I put in no effort

- I do not listen

- I just need to realise that all my male friends are only my friends because they want to fuck me.

- I do not care about anything

- I assume things 

- I compare him to other guys????

- I make him feel like shit 

(his words, though I disagree)

- we have been in a relationship for almost 6 years

- he’s my friend

- I love his family so much, I've watched his nephew grow up and I text his sister and I just love them.

- though he isn’t my type on paper, I do find him attractive 

- we have somewhat similar kinks

- my family seem to like him

- not gonna lie, we’d make cute babies.

- we both enjoy sports and also he sometimes plays video games with me (I'm an avid gamer, I twitch stream and play PC, PS4 & Switch, he sometimes will play fortnite or Mario kart with me)

- we have this cute cheerleader/ athlete thing which I like

- oh, right, pls don't judge this but its important to me to raise my children plant-based until they're old enough to decide for themselves- he isn't plant-based but is 100% onboard which is very important to me.

- has done cute things for me before like turn up at my house with my fave candy or buy an extra pack of gum/ drink for me.

- this sounds irrelevant, but I DO love to party/rave but I do not drink alcohol, I actually have a weird phobia of it, though I would 100% get high

- Joe and I both do not drink and although that's not something id look for in a s/o, it made me feel like I wasn't the only one lmao. 

- my first & only relationship

ANWYAY, we’ve been arguing for months, if you see this what do you think I should do? would it be overreacting to break up? I would still wanna be his friend because I care but I dunno what to do

[but-the-library-of-alexandria]

30 Day Flash Fiction Challenge - Day 14

I really didn’t think I’d do this today - so busy, and I have people round tonight, but I managed this little bit in the only free half hour I’ve had so far! friends will be here soon so I can’t make it any longer but idc, I didn’t think I’d have anything!

This one is pretty plain, I went the deflation route.

Day 14: a sailor returning home finds his wife already knows every detail of his life while he’s been away

Derek didn’t particularly like dry land, but most things seem like a good thing when they’ve been so conspicuously absent for so land. The complete steadiness of the dirt when he jumped off the deck off his ship made him stumble. When you’d been at sea for a year, instability was stable and solidity was vexing.

“Home again, home again!” He announced to the world at large. “Another safe voyage - aren’t you glad, wife?”

His wife, standing on the shore and helping the crew unload boxes from the hold, dusted off her hands and smiled. “I am glad, husband. One of these days this old thing will find its way to the bottom of the ocean.” She banged on the hull of the ship pointedly with her fist. “But not this time, and for every time it’s not, I’m glad.”

Derek chuckled and planted a kiss on her head. “One of these days, indeed, wife. But you’ll have to put up with me a little while longer, I’m afraid.”

They began to move towards the town in a train, laden with boxes. Derek lead the way, arm around his wife’s shoulders. “The pub tonight, wife,” he decided. “Oh, the tales I have to tell! Did you know, we were almost swallowed up by a whirlpool while we were…”

“...Passing through the straits of Gibraltar, yes, I did.”

“Well, did you know we saw a pack of dolphins kill…”

“...Kill a shark of the coast of Liberia, yes.”

“Ah, but listen to this - while we were sleeping one night by the sand bars around Niue, a sound awoke us…”

“...And it turned out you were being ambushed by pirates.”

“But then! Then we…”

“...Then you fought them off and ended up taking their cargo from them, yes, yes, very clever.”

“Wife, you’re ruining all my stories! The best part of coming home is sitting in the pub, surrounded by captivated listeners as I recount the fantastical tales of my voyage. And you keep spoiling the endings! You don’t even tell them right - so plain, so boring! These were adventures, not sober facts!”

“Well, Derek, if you’re so keen to recount all your adventures to me, spoiler-free, when you get home, then next time, don’t bring me along with you!”