#yes i am being dramatic yes it hasn't even been a day

[aleistiredd]

world cup my beloved i miss u <3

[edenesth]

[2:49 AM]

"Home at last," you murmured, leaning wearily against the door after tossing your keys aside. You let out a sigh, glancing at the time on your phone. You were just now getting home after work—nearly three in the morning.

And you... you needed him, but Seonghwa wasn't here. Last you heard, he was overseas for work. With a heavy sigh, you turned your gaze to the rain-streaked windows. The world outside was drenched, the ground slick with water. You hated it. You loathed it—the rain, the dampness. It felt as if even the gods were weeping over how miserable life seemed right now.

Okay, maybe you were being a bit dramatic, but work had been a nightmare for months. You were so close to that promotion though, so you just had to push through. And you could handle it—life was never easy, after all. But on top of the stress, your growing health issues lately felt like a battle you couldn't win.

Life had been... exhausting lately.

And the one person who could make it all feel better deserved someone who could give him so much more than this. You wondered if he was asleep now, if he was dreaming of you, just as you couldn't stop thinking of him. Or maybe it was better if he wasn't.

Despite your exhaustion, the last thing you wanted was to return to the same empty bed that had been without your boyfriend's presence for so long. Sometimes, you wondered if your relationship had reached that point—where both of you had bigger, more pressing things like careers to focus on, instead of each other.

Before your thoughts could spiral any further, you set your bag down, and your gaze landed on the vacuum he had given you for your birthday last year. He'd gotten it to help ease your back issues, hoping it would make cleaning less of a strain.

Cleaning—his favourite thing.

Ironically, you hadn't even used it yet, despite it being a gift from him. Seonghwa always ended up coming over and doing the cleaning himself before you could even get the chance. Maybe now would be a good time to finally put it to use and take your mind off things. As he'd often said, cleaning could be therapeutic.

Only one way to find out.

"What the—" he jolted awake at the sudden noise from outside. Who on earth would be vacuuming at—he glanced at the digital clock beside him—three in the freaking morning?! Tossing the comforter aside, he shuffled to the door and swung it open.

"I swear to g—babe?"

You froze. Were you hearing things? Slowly, you switched off the vacuum and spun around, only to see your boyfriend standing there at your doorway in his favourite worn-out t-shirt, his hair adorably tousled.

"H-Hwa? What are you doing here?"

"They let me off a few days early, so I came home first. But what about you? You promised to stay at your parents' whenever I wasn't around. You know how much it scares me to think of you alone here."

Your lips quivered as he stepped closer, gently taking the vacuum from your hands and setting it aside before guiding you to the couch. "I... I've been needed at work a lot lately, so I've been staying here since it's closer to the office. But—wait, why did they let you off early? Are you not feeling well?" you asked, panic creeping into your voice as your hands flew to his face.

He chuckled softly, holding your hands and pressing his forehead against yours. "I guess you could say that," he murmured. "My heart hasn't been feeling too good."

Your eyes widened in alarm. "Your heart?! We need to get you checked—" You tried to pull away to grab your phone, but he gently pulled you back by the shoulders.

"It's okay," he whispered, a teasing smile on his lips. "It just... misses its owner."

You blinked, confusion clouding your gaze. "Its owner...?"

"Yes, you. It belongs to you, doesn't it?" he said, his voice tender.

You sighed, finally calming down as the worry ebbed away, replaced by overwhelming relief. When was the last time he'd said something this sweet? Tears filled your eyes as you melted into his arms. "I missed you too, Hwa," you whispered softly.

Home... at last.

It didn't take long before your body went limp in his embrace, exhaustion finally catching up to you. His heart clenched painfully as he held you close, stroking your hair gently. Truth be told, he'd found it hard to focus on work ever since he realised how much of a rough patch you'd been going through. The distance, the long hours, and the silence between texts—maybe it had all taken more of a toll on you than he'd allowed himself to see.

Perhaps if he'd been more present, more attentive, things wouldn't have gotten so overwhelming for you. Guilt gnawed at his chest, and he hoped—prayed—it wasn't too late to change that now. You deserved someone who made you feel safe and loved, not someone who put everything else before you.

Carefully, he shifted you onto the couch, laying you down gently as if you were made of porcelain. His eyes softened as he pulled the blanket draped over the back of the couch and tucked it around you snugly. You looked so fragile like this, traces of stress still etched on your sleeping face even as you finally rested.

"I'm here now," he whispered softly, brushing a thumb across your cheek. He leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.

With a deep breath, he sank down beside you, not quite able to leave your side just yet. He reached out, his fingers tangling lightly with yours, and watched as your hand unconsciously tightened around his. A sad smile tugged at his lips.

He could see it now—all the times you'd put on a brave face, all the moments you'd said you were okay when, clearly, you weren't. And he'd been too wrapped up in his own responsibilities to realise. But no more. He'd make it right.

From now on, no matter what, he'd put you first.

With that thought, he settled in beside you, keeping a watchful eye as you slept soundly for the first time in what felt like ages. He could feel his own eyes growing heavy, but he didn't move. For now, he'd stay here, where you needed him to be. Finally, he let himself relax, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time. Because he was where he belonged—right by your side.

Watching your chest rise and fall with each steady breath, Seonghwa's heart ached with a mix of relief and regret. He'd almost forgotten how peaceful you looked when you were resting. When was the last time you'd fallen asleep so easily? Had you been spending these nights alone, tossing and turning, fighting your own thoughts?

Guilt twisted in his gut as he brushed a few stray strands of hair from your face. His eyes trailed over the faint shadows beneath your eyes, the stress lines that seemed so out of place on your once-bright features. What had he been doing all this time? He'd known work was tough for you, yet he'd kept pushing himself to focus on his own projects, thinking he was doing what was best for your future together.

But what good was any of it if he wasn't there when you needed him most?

A wave of self-reproach washed over him, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He'd been chasing after goals, believing it was all for you, yet somewhere along the way, he'd let you slip through his fingers. You were right here, yet you'd never seemed further away.

Drawing in a shaky breath, he tightened his hold on your hand, as if afraid you might disappear if he let go. "I'm sorry," he whispered softly, his voice trembling with emotion. "I should have been here. I should have listened better... I didn't realise how much you were hurting."

The room was quiet, save for the faint sound of rain outside and your even breathing. He watched you stir a little, brow furrowing as if sensing his distress even in your sleep. He quickly leaned forward, his lips brushing your knuckles in a feather-light kiss.

"I promise, I'll do better," he murmured, a fierce determination settling in his chest. "No more empty beds, no more lonely nights. We'll figure this out together, okay?"

It was a vow, one he intended to keep no matter what. Slowly, he shifted to sit on the floor beside the couch, resting his head near your shoulder. He didn't care if it was uncomfortable—he just needed to be close, to feel your warmth. The distance that had grown between you over the past few months felt insurmountable, but he'd rebuild it brick by brick if he had to.

He wasn't going to let you carry everything on your own anymore.

Eventually, he felt your fingers tighten around his hand, just slightly. His heart skipped a beat, a small, hopeful smile tugging at his lips.

Maybe... just maybe, this was a start.

ATEEZ MASTERLIST

Thank you, pookie, @itstheghostofmypast, for the idea! I just love how this was supposed to be a lighthearted and funny timestamp but my reality took over and here we are.

Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed this self-indulgent little piece. As always, let me know your thoughts! <3

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[6ix9inewiturmom]

Les (Part 2)- Christopher & Matthew Sturniolo

Summary: THE BOYS ARE FIGHTINGGGGG!! read part 1 if you don’t understand!!

Warnings: Angst-ish, cursing, use of Y/N, talks of sexual interactions, THREESOMEEEEE, degradation, P in V, crying, unprotected sex (don’t even think about it), praising, Dom!chris!, Dom!Matt, Sub!reader, multiple orgasms

A/N: LOVE TRIANGLE WHO?! This is my first OFFICAL threesome please be nice LOL

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

For the past few days, Chris hasn't texted me, big fucking surprise, I mean I could understand why, you see the girl you've been ‘in love’ with but ‘not ready’ for a relationship with her, and seeing her with your brother could hurt you but I mean he put this upon himself.

Matt on the other hand has been an absolute angel, actually talking to me, and joking around with me, and we've been fully transparent with each other about things, it's been way different than Chris, I still love Chris but Matt is so good for me. I eventually told Matt how long Chris and I were sleeping together, and his jaw clenched and his fist tightened. I mean at first Matt and I were just playing around with Chris to see if he'd actually care that I was flirting with his brother. Chris did care, but never showed it according to Matt he ���knows when Chris is upset’, and he was. But after the first 3 days, I don't think I was ‘playing’ anymore.

Today, Matt and I agreed to go on a ‘trial’ date. Basically to see if Chris would act on his feelings towards me or if he remain on his strike to stay silent.

I figured since I was testing Chris I'd wear an outfit I knew he'd always loved on me: a tight white tube top with bows around the top, with a flowy short skirt and a cardigan over it, and obviously my Converse.

I got into my car and drove to the triplet's house, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness as I drove through the quiet streets. When I arrived, I parked the car and made my way to the front door, I took a deep breath and knocked on the door, my heart racing with anticipation. After a few moments, the door opened, and to my surprise, Chris was standing there, smiling warmly at me.

“Oh hey Y/N, I wasn't expecting to see you here” he smiled pulling me into a hug “Are you here to take pictures with Nick? You guys got the same vibe going on” he chuckled softly allowing me in the house, and guiding me up the staircase.

“Oh um no” I smile softly, but before I have time to tell him what I am actually here for, matt runs in the living room.

“Y/N, don't you look beautiful” he smiles taking my hand and spinning me around jokingly while Chris has a puzzled look on his face. “You ready” his hand remains intertwined with his.

“Ready for what? Where are you guys going?” Chris says plopping on the couch.

“I'm taking Y/N on a picnic” Matt replies smiling down at me.

Chris’ jaw tightens and his eyes darken with anger. “So are you guys like a thing now or what?” he says in annoyance.

“No” i quickly say.

“Chris if you actually knew how to treat a girl, you would know that they actually like being taken out on a date and not just fucked and then escorted out,” Matt says gripping my hand tighter.

“Y/N what the fuck? You told him?” Chris stands up clenching his fist.

“Was that a problem?” I spit.

“Considering we SWORE to keep it a secret, yes it fucking is,” he says coming closer to Matt and me “and now you're fucking around with my brother? Low blow Y/N” he continues

“It honestly shouldn't matter to you who I'm fucking around with and who I'm not” I cross my arms over my chest “I poured my entire heart out to you about how I felt and you completely ignored it because you enjoy fucking around with girls who are probably carrying around diseases that you can't wash off with Ajax,” I say rolling my eyes

“I told you my feelings Y/N, I'm not sure why you're being all dramatic,” he says shrugging his shoulders.

“Chris I'm not being dramatic, you quite actually told me, ‘I'm not sure what to tell you’ when I told you EXACTLY how I felt,” I say raising my voice a little as Matt grabs my hand and rubs small circles on the top of my hand, which only infuriates Chris more.

“Whatever Y/N,” he says plopping back on the couch “but just remember who makes you cum, cause last time I checked that's me, Matt may look like me but I and you both know I'm the only one who makes you cum like that, every fucking time,” he says shoving chips in his mouth.

“Chris, Matt and i haven't had sex, Jesus” i could tell that my comment made matt a little shy, i mean we talked about it but it's not like we ever had the idea to.

“Wow, so now you're not sleeping with guys on the first date? When did you turn so classy?” Chris says shooting me a faux smile.

“Says you, according to everyone else in this house you bring girls in and out of here, Chris you've never taken me on one fucking date, not like I ever asked but for someone who constantly says how in love with me he is as he's balls deep in me, you'd assume that maybe he's got some feelings towards me,” I say practically dragging matt out of the house.

“No no hold on,” Chris stops us. “How about, after your little pitty date with my brother, let's see which one of us can make you cum better,” he says smirking.

I look over at Matt almost for approval, his face brightens at the idea of the possibility of proving himself better to Chris. “Deal” Matt says smirking at me shooting me a wink.

“Fine Chris whatever you want, you got it” i say tugging at Matts hand as a signal of exiting the house.

As soon as Matt and I stepped into his car, I felt the wind blowing through my hair. I looked outside the window as we pulled out of the driveway and hit the road towards the park. The sun was shining bright, and the chirping of the birds was the only sound I could hear. We were heading to the park to have a lovely picnic date, and I was hoping to leave behind what had just happened back at the house. Despite the beautiful surroundings, my mind couldn't help but wander back to the events that had taken place before we left.

“Hey you alright,” Matt says breaking my trance as he places his hand on my knee.

“Yeah, I'm good, I'm sorry about what happened back there,” I say softly smiling

“Oh about Chris? Don't even worry, I figured something along those lines was gonna happen considering how possessive he is over you” Matt says smiling almost as if nothing was bothering him or like he didn't agree to have a threesome with me and his fucking brother.

“Chris does not get possessive over me, that's for sure, he was only possessive when we would… you know” my voice trails off.

“Oh no you should have heard the way he talked about you when you weren't there, nick and I may not have known you guys were fucking but we definitely knew how pussy whipped he was” Matt chuckles to himself.

“Okay well I may not have heard Chris when I wasn't there but can we just leave the Chris topic behind till we get back to the house” I say laughing and leaning my head against the headrest looking at Matt through my lashes.

“Anything you want, you got it sweetheart” he smiles back at me placing his hand back on my thigh and rubbing back and forth.

When we finally reached the spot that had been designated by Matt for our picnic, I couldn't contain my excitement and started giggling like a kid. The area was a small clearing surrounded by tall trees, with rays of sunshine filtering through the leaves, bathing the ground in a warm glow. Matt carefully spread out a checkered picnic blanket, and arranged an array of delicious food and drinks on top of it. The colorful spread looked like something straight out of a gourmet magazine. I couldn't help but appreciate the effort he had put into making everything look so beautiful and inviting.

“Oh my god Matt this looks beautiful,” I say smiling down at the set up.

“I know you wanted this to just be a trial date but i honestly couldn't help myself but go overboard with everything” he says nervously chuckling and scratching the back of his head.

“No no, this is perfect, I've never really been on a date like this before, this is perfect, and oh my god chocolate-covered strawberries? THESE ARE MY FAVORITE” I squeal out of excitement and pull Matt down so we're both sitting on the blanket.

“I remembered from that Galentines Day thing you had with Nick one time and you had devoured like 10 of those” he chuckles softly.

During the remainder of the date, we had an amazing time. It wasn't just a superficial conversation, but we truly engaged with each other and actively listened to what the other person was saying. We discussed various topics, ranging from our interests and hobbies to our beliefs and values. The conversation flowed naturally, and we both felt comfortable sharing personal stories and experiences. It was a refreshing change from the typical small talk that often dominates first dates. Overall, it was a truly enjoyable experience.

As we were making our way back to the house, my mind was preoccupied with various thoughts, and I completely forgot about the unsettling encounter with Chris earlier. However, as we approached our destination, a sudden wave of anxiety washed over me, and my nerves kicked in. The fear and the excitement of the unknown and the possibilityof having both of them inside of me was flooding every other thought in my brain.

Upon our arrival at the house, after a somewhat long but seemingly short and peaceful drive, Matt and I made our way inside while holding hands and giggling like school children. However, to my surprise, I did not find Chris sitting on the couch as he usually does, and I couldn't hear Nick giggling or talking to anyone in his room like he often does.

“Chris? Nick?” Matt yells from the kitchen

“You think they left?” i say nervously

“Maybe” Matt says as he moves me so I'm facing him now and both of his hands rest on my hips looking down at me.

“Are you gonna keep looking at me like you wanna kiss me? Or are you gonna actually kiss me” My smile turns into a smirk as a little grin appears on his lips.

“If that's an invitation I'll gladly take it” he mutters as his face gets closer to mine pulling me closer by my hips and pressing his lips against mine passionately.

As Matt and I stood close to each other, lost in the moment, the sound of someone clearing their throat suddenly interrupted us. I turned my head towards the hallway and saw Chris leaning against the wall, his eyes fixed on us. Embarrassed and caught off guard, I quickly took a step back from Matt. We both jumped at the sudden intrusion and felt our faces flush with embarrassment.

“Chris I didn't know you were here” matt says scratching the back of his head

“I made Nick go shopping and told him I was inviting someone over and wanted the house to myself,” Chris says smirking. “So did you consider our little bet, Y/N” he continues.

“Look, Chris, I'm only gonna agree to it if Y/N says she's 100% comfortable with it, I'm not like you, I'm not gonna assume she wants to do something and pressure her into doing something she doesn't want to” Matt defends

“Then you obviously don't know her the way I do, believe me,” Chris chuckles “She's an absolute freak, I know all her sexual fantasies, so what do you say, Y/N? Are you down?” he comes closer looking at me.

I look down playing with my bracelet on my wrist thinking for a moment. Would it be wrong to fuck both? How experienced was Matt? God, I wonder if that theory of twins was right. He's a triplet though but could he and Matt have the same dick size?

“You know what? Fuck it, but only if you two are down” I say shrugging my shoulders.

“DOWN,” Both Chris and Matt say in unison

Chris runs up to me throwing me over my shoulder as he guides me to his bedroom and Matt follows shortly behind him. Chris kicked his door open and carefully threw my body on his bed.

“Strip,” Chris says eyeing me up and down as both sets of blue eyes gaze down at me in pure lust.

My arms wrap around my torso pulling my shirt off and throwing it on the other side of the bed. I lift my hips up to shimmy my skirt down my legs and kick my skirt off leaving me bare considering i wore nothing under my dress.

“God you're such a whore wearing nothing underneath that outfit” Chris chuckled.

Matt smiled down as his eyes traveled down from mine and followed every curve of my body.

“I'm gonna let matt have first go only cause I've been between your legs many times before” Chris smirks.

Matt pulled my entire body down so my legs hung off the bed and immediately dipped his head down leaving small kisses down my thighs as his mouth kisses my clit making my hips jerk up and a smile appears on both Matt and Chris's Lips.

Chris slides around to the other side of the bed and places his legs on either side of my waist as Matt's tongue moves in between my folds collecting my taste.

“Oh fuck Matt, god you're so good” my back arches onto Chris’ chest as his hands begin to twist and fiddle with my nipples.

“Someones enjoying themselves” Chris chuckles in my neck as he places wet kisses from my jawline down my neck.

Matt smirks as his tongue flicks upwards to my clit. He lifts his head a little and brings his fingers to my mouth “Open” he sternly says.

My mouth obeys and his fingers glide into my mouth swirling my tongue around his ring and middle finger before he abruptly removes them and glides them into my needy hole and slightly curls them up hitting that soft gummy part of my insides.

My hips jerk upward “FUCK” I moan out burying my head in Chris’ neck causing him to chuckle.

“You like having both of us, don't you?” he spits out sucking purple marks down my neck.

“So close” I moan out as Matt's head lifts up just using his fingers and moving them up and down as his lips go between his teeth watching how my body moves in Chris's arms, observing how my sounds got louder as I got closer.

“Should we let her cum?” Chris says smirking to Matt.

“P-please” I stutter out as my eyes roll behind my head.

“Cum” Matt says as his pace with his fingers moved at an ungodly pace.

With his words, the knot in my stomach snapped and my legs began shaking as my orgasm dripped out of me and onto Matts's fingers.

“Flip,” Chris says in my ear.

I obeyed and flipped over on my stomach as both boys began undressing. I couldn't take my eyes off both Matt and Chris, my eyes flickered between the two, I've had sex with Chris thousands of times but each time was always so different. Seeing Matt bare in front of me I couldn't quite stop staring. He wasn't as big as Chris but his gerth made up for the lost inches.

“You see something ya like sweet girl,” matt says softly.

I swallow the lump in my chest and nod at him. A smile appears on both their faces. Matt walks around the bed to where my ass is and Chris kneels on the bed facing me.

“Why don't you use that pretty little mouth for something useful eh?” Chris takes my chin between his fingers and glides his thumb across my lip before rubbing his dick along my lips. “Be a good girl and open ya mouth for me” Chris smiles down at me.

I nod opening my mouth and taking the majority of his length in my mouth using my hand to pump the rest that wouldn't fit. Chris throws his head back and groans.

Matt smirks at the way I obey Chris’ commands and rubs his dick through my folds and slaps my clit a little making a muffled moan escape my lips sending vibrations through Chris.

Matt pushes his cock in my hole that's already clenching around the air and immediately bottoms out. “Fuck me,” he groans out “god damn you are so fucking tight” he begins to start thrusting in me pushing me farther down chris’ cock causing a Gagging noise.

“Your mouth is fucking perfect,” Chris says as he moves the hair out of my face.

Matt’s thrusts sped up as the sound of my moans was muffled by Chris’ dick being shoved farther down my throat making my eyes roll back. “I think she likes having both of her holes used hm?” Matt taunts.

I remove my mouth from Chris as Matt pushes my hips down into the mattress feeling the pit of my stomach drop as he reaches the deepest part in me as a pornographic moan comes out of my lips. “Oh fuck, Matt” I squeal out.

Chris moves my head back on his cock making a makeshift ponytail and forcing my head down deeper onto him as his eyes roll back at the feeling of hitting deep in my throat. “Fuck ma, you're throat takes my cock so fucking good” he groans out.

I start clenching around Matt signaling I was close to finishing as if my legs shaking wasn't a clear indication. “Are you close baby” Matt groans “You're clenching around me so good” he smiles devilishly.

“Mhm,” I mumble out.

“Fuck” Chris groans “You're gonna swallow every ounce,” he says forcing my eyes to look upon his. As he thrusts into my mouth a couple of times before finishing in my mouth as his hot ropes of cum coat my throat. “Show me” he grabs my throat as Matt still thrusts in me. I obeying stick my tongue out to show him i swallowed. “Good girl” he smiles down at me slapping my cheek very lightly.

“Fuck!” i scream out “c-close” i grab Chris's hand as my close orgasm becomes unbearably intense.

“Cum, Cum all over my fucking dick” matt grunts out slamming his cock deep into me.

Before I could even think about his words my orgasm squirted out of me and drenched his lower half and the bed. Matt chuckles giving me a couple more thrusts and groaning out as he paints my once-pink walls, white. My body went limp against Chris’ body causing him and Matt to chuckle.

“Are you alright Y/N” Matt asks placing his hand on my lower back.

“Mhm,” I start “That was the most intense orgasm I've had in a WHILE,” I say picking myself up off Chris and sitting on the bed trying to regain myself.

“I could see why Chris was so pussy whipped” matt chuckles.

“I fucking told you she's fucking incredible” Chris chimes in.

“I'm literally right here Chris,” I softly laugh “Can I wear one of you guys’ clothes? I don't feel like getting mine back on”

“On it” both boys said at the same time.

“I'll get her a hoodie” matt says rushing to his room.

“I'll grab the pants” Chris walks over to his drawer tossing me a pair of pants as Matt walks back in tossing me one of his hoodies.

Chris and Matt both throw on the clothes they previously had on and I throw on the clothes I had borrowed.

My mind was flooding with reminiscing thoughts of the recent event that had just happened while Matt and Chris just acted like nothing happened but I brushed it off and just wanted to let things happen as the day progressed.

“So can we watch a movie or DoorDash some food?” i say breaking the science of all of us just sitting in Chris's bedroom

“Absolutely,” they say in unison.

“Get me some Alfredo” I smile at them.

“Already had it in my cart” Chris laughs.

After they had ordered the food both of them laid down next to me and handed me the remote, I turned it on to Gossip Girl and Chris instantly adjusted himself as this was the show we watched every time I came over to spend the night.

“Wait did chuck sleep with her? I thought he was with Blair?” Chris says turning to me.

“No remember Chris, Blair, and Chuck broke up when Chuck slept with Dan’s sister,” I say laughing

“Woah woah” Matt starts “Chris actually watches this shit with you?” Matt chuckles.

“Shut up” Chris groans out of embarrassment.

“Oh yeah and he fucking loves it” I add

“I'm so lost,” Matt says shaking his head smiling.

“I'll catch you up one day,” I say smiling at Matt

“So where does this leave us” Chris says more seriously as he turns his head to both Matt and I.

“Just shut up, for now, Chris, I don't wanna worry about what girl you're gonna bring home after I leave, just let me watch this” i breath out.

The thought of where Chris and i’s relationship was gonna go wasn't in my head until he brought it up. But now I'm facing another problem. What am I gonna do with matt? He was absolutely amazing and his dick game was no fucking joke. But in the wise words of Katherine Pierce “it's okay to love them both, i did”

And i happen to love both of them.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N pt 2: AHH SO HERES LES PT 2, I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! i don’t plan on making this a series but i hope you guys loved it!! also if you can’t tell i love gossip girl lol ALSO TYSM FOR 600 FOLLOWERS!!

[666writingcafe]

A Lesson in Demon Anatomy (NSFW)

Asmo has made a huge mistake.

Okay, maybe "huge mistake" is a bit dramatic, but there's no doubt that he messed up in his calculations. He thought that everyone was out of the house and wouldn't be returning for quite a while, so he felt okay walking around in his birthday suit.

It's something that he used to do nearly every day, but when the exchange program was in the works, he agreed to put a stop to it in order to create a good impression on whomever was going to stay with him and his brothers. However, when he got the opportunity to be alone, he couldn't help but resort back to old habits.

So, one could imagine his surprise when he strolls into the sitting room to find MC stretched out on the couch. They were reading a book, but of course they looked up when they heard footsteps heading their direction, and now...

"I'm so sorry, MC!" Asmo exclaims. "I had no idea that you were even in here! I thought you were studying at the library, but if I'd had known you were coming home, I would have put something on so that I would be presentable and---"

"It's pretty," MC murmurs, interrupting Asmo's train of thought. In that moment, he realizes that his beloved human has their eyes directly trained on his nether regions.

That's odd, he thinks. I didn't think I had that effect on MC.

"Oh, this ol' thing?" Asmo asks, gesturing downwards. MC nods their head, failing to look up at his face.

"Would you like a closer look?"

Why am I so nervous? Millions of individuals have seen me naked before. I should be used to people's reactions.

"If you're okay with it," MC responds. Gingerly, Asmo walks over to them. MC sits up as he approaches, and when he's standing in front of them, they finally look into Asmo's eyes.

Asmo nearly falls backwards from the sheer amount of lust that suddenly surges through his body. Avatars of Sin are like lightning rods in that way; they are attracted to the energy of their sin, and the energy is attracted to them.

Usually, Asmo is able to mitigate the effects of someone's lust with his own, but he hasn't felt this much of it from another individual in a long time. And the fact that it's coming from MC of all people, one of the only beings he's ever known that has been able to resist his demonic charm...

"Can I touch it?" MC asks, forcing Asmo to focus on the present moment.

"Of course you can!" he answers, trying to hide the fact that he's starting to hear the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. MC gently wraps their hand around the underside and runs their thumb over the skin.

"Is there a reason why it's bumpy?" A part of Asmo is relieved by the question, because it means that he can put aside his feelings for a bit and focus on the answer.

"It's part of a defense mechanism. As you might have learned, a demon has different levels to their form. You've seen the first and second, but I'm not sure if you've witnessed anyone shift above that. Anyway, our appearance significantly changes in the third level, and things begin sprouting in all sorts of places."

"Including dicks?"

"Especially dicks. Mine sprouts stringers. They become poisonous in the fourth level."

"Like a scorpion."

"Exactly."

"Have you killed anyone with it?"

"There was a period of time where that was my weapon of choice, yes."

Why is MC staring at me like that?

"Is it safe in this state?"

"It better be, or a whole lot of people would be coming for my ass." MC's hand moves to the small of Asmo's back, and the Avatar of Lust allows them to guide him closer to them.

"May I?" they ask. Asmo can only manage a nod. He shouldn't be this nervous; he's received plenty of blow jobs before. Why is this one any different?

Perhaps it's because it's been a while since someone's been this...enthusiastic.

What Asmo is unaware of in the moment---and what he doesn't learn until after the fact---is that MC's discovered that they derive intense pleasure from sucking dick. However, once he knows that this side of MC exists...

Let's just say that he sits back and watches as his brothers fall prey to MC's wild side.

[rafyki]

Goth! Nico/ Surfer! Percy AU Part 3!

Here, have some awkward flirting by two absolute lovestruck losers (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Oh how I love writing them being absolute disaster around each other asdsgsdhdff

@neo-kid-funk I managed to finish this part before I thought, I hope you like it!!! And I hope it fuels your inspiration for new art *evil laugh*

(For everyone who hasn't seen it yet, go to Neo's blog and enjoy her beautiful art!! This fic was inspired by her perfect design of older goth Nico <33)

Part 1, Part 2

~~~~~~

Nico didn’t expect it to become a habit. He expected it to be a one time thing, the kind of thing that turns your world upside down for a while but doesn’t really change anything in the long run. 

He expected to go back to work the next time for his shift and to not exchange more than a couple of words with Percy.

Even in his wildest fantasies he had not expected Percy to actually go and make conversation with him. 

“Doesn’t it drive you crazy? That you’re always on the beach so close to the ocean yet you can’t go in the water?” 

Percy had his usual drink in his hand, and Nico had been ready to wish him a nice day and watch him walk away as it always happened.

That was how things usually went. Not this.

Nico could feel his world shift around its axis (a little dramatic, yes, he knew, and he also had no doubt that Leo would tease him nonstop if he told him), and an annoying blush creeping up his neck to his face as Percy looked at him with a curious look.

He looked away, trying to find something, anything, to do that would make him appear busy and give him an excuse to avoid those way too perfect eyes.

He had not been prepared for this.

“Uhm”, he started, remembering that he had been asked a question.

He could almost hear Jason’s voice in his head yelling at him that it’s your chance, it’s your chance, talk to him!; together with Leo’s voice screaming go make him fall for you, goth boy!

Shaking his head a little, he tried to shoo them away.

“I’m not a huge fan of the ocean”, he said in the end.

And, well, that had been perhaps the wrong thing to say, judging by Percy’s horrified expression. Eyes wide wide and mouth hanging open there where he had been about to take another sip of his drink, he was looking at Nico like he had just admitted that he liked to kick kittens in his free time. It was equal parts comical and mortifying.

Before Nico could decide if he wanted to laugh at that expression or regret every life choice that had led him up to that point, Percy let out a shocked “What!?”

And for some reason, that made him chuckle, left him smiling behind his hand.

“Was that the wrong answer?”, he asked, trying and probably failing to keep the teasing tone out of his voice. 

Percy took a moment to answer. He was looking at Nico carefully, a weird expression on his face now that Nico couldn’t read. It made Nico feel a little unstable on his feet; he didn’t even realize he was staring right back at Percy until he noticed the slight red on his nose and cheekbones and found himself thinking that it was cute how Percy still got sunburn even when it seemed that he basically lived on the beach under the sun.

Percy cleared his throat, and the world started moving again around them.

“Yes!”, he said. “How can you not like the ocean?”

Nico shrugged, and threw a glance at the immense expanse of water before him. There were a lot of reasons he wasn't really fond of it, but he wasn’t sure Percy would appreciate them.

“It’s not that I don’t like it, I just don’t like getting in the water”.

“That basically means you don’t like it though”.

Nico rolled his eyes. His heart was beating a little too fast, his hands were sweaty, and he kept playing nervously with the rings on his lips. And he wanted nothing more than for this moment and this conversation to stretch on for as long as possible.

“It seems you’re taking this pretty personally”, he said, smiling. 

Percy smiled back, and Nico’s heart replied with somersaults. “I am, I take the ocean very seriously”.

Nico had guessed, but it was nice hearing it directly from Percy, adding this information to his mental list of things I know about him. For some reason, he had the feeling that that list would keep growing from now on.

His eyes fell on the trident tattoo on Percy’s left bicep. It made Nico feel weak in the knees every time he saw it, his mind immediately offering him the haunting thought of what it would feel like under his fingers. He sort of wanted to bite it.

No, not the time for this kind of thoughts!

He was definitely blushing now - he just hoped that the shadow of the kiosk's little roof was enough to hide it. 

You’re the worst, Nico di Angelo, shame on you.

Percy must have noticed where he was looking though, because he glanced at his tattoo too. “Yeah, I guess it was pretty obvious”, he laughed. 

Oh he had such a nice laugh. 

“You’re a big fan of the Little Mermaid?”, Nico asked, because for some reason that was the first thing that had come to his mind.

It made Percy laugh a little more though, so Nico counted it as a victory.

“That’s definitely part of it, I think I must have watched that movie a thousand times when I was little”.

Nico mentally added that new information to his list.

“Maybe you were a mermaid in your past life”, he suggested. “Or some sort of sea god”.

Those last words escaped his mouth before he could hold them back. He had not meant to say them out loud - damn his brain and his too fast mouth and his stupid huge crush. Percy did look like a sea god but that didn’t mean Nico had to say it out loud and expose himself like that. See, that’s why he didn’t want to talk to Percy, he knew he would make a fool of himself. Maybe the ground would be so nice as to open up and swallow him whole right now.

(Oh, he knew his friends would laugh at him like crazy for this later).

When he found the courage to look back at Percy, he found him still smiling, an amused look in his eyes. 

Nico’s stomach curled painfully on itself in a mix of embarrassment and stupid fondness. He was so weak for that look.

“In that case that would mean you just told a sea god that you don’t like the ocean”, Percy said. “That could be a problem”.

“I never said I don’t like it”, Nico pointed out, surprised at himself for how he could still speak despite his internal turmoil. “And also, I said you might have been one in your past life”.

Percy waved a hand. “That doesn’t matter. You know gods aren’t that reasonable”.

“Are you saying I should apologize?”

“Precisely”, Percy said, nodding solemnly.

That was such a weird conversation to have with someone you barely knew. Yet Nico couldn’t hold back the smile growing on his lips. Despite the continuous maelstrom raging inside him, he probably hadn’t stopped smiling for a second the whole time; it made him feel like a fool, but it was alright because Percy had been smiling for the whole time too.

“And how should I do that?”, Nico asked. 

Percy seemed to think about it for a moment. “You could let me teach you how to surf”.

Nico stopped. Time stopped, the whole world stopped, even the waves of the ocean itself probably stopped moving.

In the least useful way possible, his mind conjured the terrible image of himself on a surfboard in the water with Percy wet and handsome next to him, holding him to show him what to do.

No, nope, no way. He would end up drowning after two seconds, either because surfing was definitely not his thing, or because letting the ocean swallow him would be the less embarrassing option.

“Uhm”, was the only thing that came out of his mouth“I… don’t think that would be such a good idea”. 

Why is he asking me this though, oh my god what’s going on here.

His embarrassment must have caught up to Percy, because suddenly his smile turned awkward and so was also the short laugh that escaped his lips.

“I was just joking of course!”, he said quickly. Nico watched the way he rubbed his neck, the way he wasn’t looking at him anymore. “Well, then-”

“I mean!”, Nico cut him off without thinking. 

That well then sounded way too much like Percy was about to leave, and Nico didn’t want that.

The relaxed feeling from before was gone, replaced with awkwardness hanging heavily in the air around them. If he had let Percy leave now, Nico was afraid he wouldn't see him again.

Don’t ruin this! It’s your chance!

This time, he tried his best to listen to his friends’ voices in his head.

“I- I mean”, he said again. “I’m really not good with water”.

He hoped his smile came out more apologetic than absolutely mortified and embarrassed. The pounding of his own heart was deafening almost, he could feel it in his throat, making it hard to breathe and push the words out. “Thanks for the offer though…?”. It came out more like a question than anything.

Idiot idiot idiot.

“Ah- uhm”, Percy, said, letting out an awkward laugh. He wasn't looking at Nico anymore, his eyes fixed on his still half full drink. “Yeah, sure”.

You have to fix this!

“I'll just- look at you surfing and enjoy the ocean from afar for now”.

Weird, that was weird! Had he really just admitted that he would just stare at him? Maybe drowning in the ocean really was the best case scenario for him. No way his blush wasn't visible right now. 

Percy must be thinking that he was the weirdest and creepiest guy right now. Nico wanted to die.

But then, Percy looked back at him, and the look on his face wasn't creeped out or uncomfortable - just surprised, eyes blinking slowly and mouth hanging open like he wanted to say something but didn't know exactly what. Nico watched as a small smile made its way back to his lips. The red sunburn on Percy's cheeks was mesmerizing.

“Sounds good to me”.

And okay, perhaps he hadn't ruined everything completely. Perhaps he would get to talk to Percy again.

Someone cleared their throat behind him, making Nico almost jump out of his skin. He had forgotten there was a whole world outside of himself and the man in front of him.

“Nico, we have to switch, it's time for your break”, Jason's voice reached him, bringing him back to reality. His friend was looking at him with a clear question in his eyes and badly veiled excitement - Nico knew he would want to hear everything about his conversation with Percy later. 

“Yeah, right”, he replied, half relieved and half disappointed that the moment was over.

He turned to Percy. He couldn't read the expression in his eyes. “Well, I have to go”, he said.

Percy nodded. The soft smile was back on his face, and Nico felt his heart melt at the sight. “It was nice talking to you Nico”.

“You too. Have a nice day, Percy”.

It was the first time he called him directly by his name, he realized. It sounded way too nice ok his tongue.

He kept staring at his retreating figure as he walked away, feeling unstable on his feet like someone had suddenly changed the gravity on Earth.

“You okay?”, Jason asked.

“Uhm… I think so? I'm not sure what just happened”.

Jason laughed and put a hand on his shoulder in comfort.

“You can tell me everything later, alright? Come to my and Leo's place after work”.

Nico grimaced at the prospect - he could already feel the teasing that would come of it. But he did need to talk about it, so he nodded.“Yeah, alright”, he agreed. “But I really need a smoke now”.

[pinkchangelingdemon]

Dealing with demons in a basement isn't is the best idea

This is the story of sweet naive Mark and his friend Michael.

A mortal month ago, Michael was helping his friend Mark store the christmas decorations in the basement of the buidling where Mark lived with his mother, and they "accidentally" summoned a demon. At first they thought he was the hot dude Mark's mother pays rent every month, I mean, I looked exactly like an exact naked copy of that stud but my eyes gave me away. You know, when I'm weak, even if I shapeshift, they are still red and glow.

You should have seen their faces! they couldn't keep their eyes away from the snake hanging between my legs. They were almost hipnotized by it. So when I offered them to make a deal, to give them the ability to possess hot dudes like me... while of course teasing them stroking that enormous dick... the fools said yes without hesitation.

After that, I dramatically vanished laughing while turning into a red mist.

If it wasn't for both of them being there with me, they would have thought they went crazy.

Back at Mark's house... of course I followed them inside that horrible building... well, they were still processing what just happended when they heard a knock in the door. Mark was the one to open it.

It was a plumber, sent by my lovely friend, the landlord.

He was a young and fit plumber, maybe my friend had a "personal interview" with him before sending him to that floor. Hehe

What? I am a lust demon what do you expect?

Ugh your are the worst! The point is while Mark was with the plumber, Michael was alone, falling asleep after carrying so many boxes. So a few whispers in his ear on how to use his new power and... the plumber started coughing.

Mark was about to call for help, but before he could do it, the plumber started to undress in front of him.

"what the fuck!?""It worked, Mark","M...Michael?" "Oh fuck his dick is HUGE!"

No more words were needed. The three of them made their way inside the house, were a innocent plumber helped two twenty years old nerds loose their virgnity betweed moans. Well, yeah, of course the plumber enjoyed it! After all, it was his dick the one used to make that horny nerd scream! But he also loose something that day, money! hahaha!

But here's the thing...after the first round, Mark suggested if he could top the plumber straight ass. Michael said no.

Other idea popped his mind, maybe let Mark borrow the body for a while. Same answer, no.

They both got annoyed, argued until Michael left still inside the plumbers body.

They fighted and fighted and fighted. He used to be a shy kind guy, but after possessing the plumber he was mad with lust. My bad, I guess.

Every time Mark said he was going to possess someone, Michael possessed them first and made Mark his bitch.

No, he wasn't into it and got tired. So after one loud discussion inside the bodies of two gym hunks, they split up.

...

Last week, to Mark's surprise Michael called him. But when he answered instead of his effeminate voice, on the other side was a masculine voice and he was crying.

After helping him calm down, he explained everything to Mark.

I saw it, he was reckless. He was trying to possess one of the guys from a basketball team during their practice but the coach saw him coughing. He wasted no time and kissed him trying to do the Heimlich maneuver, but when he felt the coach lips, they lost consciouness.

After that he was stuck as Mr. Grayson, the coach... What? There hasn't been a situation like that in three mortal centuries!

Even with his meaty and strong body, Michael couldn't pretend. Yeah, he was consumed by lust... but living other mortal's life was too much for the dumbass. He couldn't even look at his wife!so he moved to one of the apartments in that cursed building where his friend lived. Yeah, where I was trapped by that bitch!

Everything was going according to my plan.

He had no money, so I convinced my friend, the landlord, to find another way for the coach ro "pay him"...

Of course they fucked, stupid! The whole building heard the moans every time the landlord's cock penetrated the virgin ass of the coach. I even took control of my friend to feel it first hand, and made that horny bitch scream.

After that, Michael instead of becoming one of my lust servants, he became a bitter prick. After all he lost his ability to possess other people, while his friend was having the time of his life.

Envy demons, right?

He quit his job as coach and the gym, after all he didn't know how to do shit. So his days consisted on eating, watching TV, masturbating and being bossy with his fool friend Mark.

"Bring me beer, bring me pizza, fix the wifi..." oh, Mark was furious. He even attracted a rage demon!

It only took a week. Michael was drunk and threw a bottle at Mark's face. Luckily I turned him intangible.

He was furious. He charged against the burly body of the coach, ignoring he was still intangible.

You already know the result, uh?

After coughing for a whole minute he was in control of coach Grayson and Michael too.

Before he could have second thoughts the doorbell rang.

It was my horny landlord ready for the payment of the second week, masturbating in front of him. Ah, I picked him well.

"Ready for round two" he said before entering the apartment, where again he fucked without mercy the coach now controlled by sweet naive Mark. With every penetration, Mark, Michael and coach Grayson moaned.

They didn't last long against my good servant. While a torrent of cum was liberated from their shared dick. I made sure to seal these two fools inside the body of their coach.

Clever, right?

Now every time they fuck, every time they moan, every time Mark have a horny thought, their three souls combined feed me their lust.

So... Who's paying this round?

.........................................................

Check out how the landlord was possessed by one of his tenants! Here:

[dayurno]

for the ficlet requests you mentioned... literally ANYTHING kandrew atp i am begging 💝

I GOT YOU ANON

Kevin Day's 38th B-day Bash Ficlets Requests (still open) - kandrew non-sexual dominance

"Drink," Andrew orders, hazy steam blurring his gaze into something softer than it is. "Don't reach for it. Just drink."

Cotton-minded and easily susceptible, Kevin leans over to press his lips to the rim of the teacup, pink digging into delicate ceramic. He reaches for it with no reservations, despite having been made aware of how hot the drink is, and the level of care he is expected to have with himself. Before Kevin can get him to tip the teacup, Andrew takes it away. 

Kevin blanches slightly, so out of it even the small act of pulling away his tea seems to make him stutter. It is what Andrew wants of him — much effort has been put into this controlled situation so that Kevin sees the world around him as simple as Andrew wants it to be. The carefully constructed peace of sitting together and drinking tea is well fought for.

"Don't burn yourself," Andrew scolds with no infliction, blowing into the tea cup. Kevin's eyes glaze over at the motion, just as lost as he was before Andrew’s explanation, but he supposes it doesn't matter, anyway. Kevin's job here is not to understand, but to obey. "Sip slowly." 

With the hand not holding onto the tea cup, Andrew supports Kevin's lower back, keeping him upright. Perfect posture is hardly one of Andrew’s exigencies for him, but it pulls Kevin under almost absurdly fast: something about being kept to a standard like this even for sitting must reach somewhere inside of him Andrew hasn't yet been to. 

As they wait for the tea to cool, everything left hanging in their silence, Andrew absent-mindedly fingers the dip of Kevin’s spine. For a role often associated with the bedroom, even Andrew can acknowledge nothing about Kevin's easy submission is sexual — not yet, anyway. He is dazed, yes, but Kevin isn't here; he's floating somewhere else, trusting Andrew to care for him while he dips in his daydreams.

Andrew can't read Kevin's mind. In truth, he's never gotten even close. He does not know the place Kevin goes to when they're like this, but he reckons it is a peaceful one. Just like the nature of their relationship, most of this arrangement is based on two needs: Kevin's of being taken care of, and Andrew’s of caring for him. Both of them derive peace from it, and Andrew cannot tell if it's the idea of a practiced routine, or the power shifts it upholds.

Whichever the case, it is not all indulgence. The beginnings of this arrangement are muddy: Kevin, on a self-destructive kick, had been starving himself long enough for Andrew to forcibly intervene by any means possible. Such a dramatic clash of control was not smooth, but Andrew cares for Kevin too much, and he knows him too well — to ensure Kevin was caring for himself, he took on a role he couldn't see himself taking before.

Once the tea cools, Andrew pushes the warmed ceramic towards Kevin again, fitting it in the gap of his lips and tilting the tea into it. Kevin's Adam's apple bobbles as he drinks, lips pillowing the teacup, and Andrew can tell not a single thing is happening behind his eyes. That’s okay: he isn’t meant to think too much. Beauties like this are better seen, and not heard. 

It’s a little bit like Kevin in the mornings; sleepy and slow, shivering in the late-year sun. He isn’t thinking much, isn’t keeping up appearances, hardly seems to even mind himself: an immoderate peace, carefully constructed.

[artemisdesari-blog]

Readers, Readers Everywhere, And Barely A Comment Between Them.

Okay, so my title may be a little misleading in my case at this particular moment in time. My current long fic is doing incredibly well for comments by my standards. My standards being based on when I was writing for The Hobbit and I was lucky to get six comments a chapter. I'm getting somewhat more than that now I've jumped fandoms to Star Wars, but the number of comments per chapter has still dramatically dropped now that I'm on eighty-nine chapters compared to what I was getting when I was on only twelve chapters. That's alright, I expect that because people have limited abilities to keep up with reading fic, especially ridiculously long ones like mine has turned into. This particular rant is more for the benefit of others than myself. I'm being thoroughly spoilt right now, but it hasn't always been like that.

My current feast does, however, show me just how important comments are to writers, whether that's here, on AO3, or Wattpad, or even FFN (which I abandoned a few years ago because, frankly, it's dying a slow death and I can't face watching it, a topic for another time). There are many types of writer, from the ones who get an idea and just meander their way through it until they have a story, to the ones who get an idea and meticulously plan every detail, and everyone who falls on some spectrum of in between. There are the ones who focus on one story at a time, and the ones who pump out two or three or a dozen different ones a week. There are the people who write drabbles and one shots, the people who write short stories, the people who write long stories, and the people who are attempting to outdo the longest published stories written. Some post as they go, some have a buffer, some write the whole thing before they post. Some write because they have an idea and simply want to explore it, some want to fix canon, and some people are going through some stuff (or have been through it) and are using writing to help them deal.

All that to say, writers come in all shapes and sizes and motivations. They are all very different, but they are all the same in one area; if they are writing fanfiction they are not getting paid. And if they are getting paid then they're breaking several copyright laws and putting fanfiction at risk of a repeat of the Anne Rice incidents 20+ years ago. So don't pay for it, the rest of us don't want corporate lawyers up our arses.

For those of us who have been around for longer than tik tok and tumblr and even Facebook, we remember the early days of online fanfiction. We remember the purges on livejournal and FFN. We remember when fanfic was scattered about the Internet, never all in one place and sometimes only accessible if you jumped through loads of hoops to get passwords. The people just discovering it today have no idea how lucky you are. But even in those days we got comments. In fact, in those days they were more abundant. I know that sounds like rose tinted glasses, but a quick look through stories posted ten years ago on AO3 versus stories posted now shows a similar trend. The art of the comment is dying.

Now, before anyone shouts "you write for yourself" or "but you're not entitled to comments", I am aware of both. But guess what. If I'm writing for myself and myself alone, why should I bother sharing it?

Writing is hard. Going through it and editing and spellchecking and making sure the grammar is at least passable is hard work. A lot of us do this when we probably (definitely in my case) should be doing other things. I write for myself, yes, because I want to explore how the story will come out. I post because I enjoy sharing, but I enjoy sharing far less when the response I get is crickets. Shouting into the void is not enjoyable, it does not make the work of editing and all the rest seem worth it. Shouting into the void tears apart any enjoyment I might have derived from crafting a line of dialogue or putting together a scene.

I'm not entitled to comments. This I know. I know it all too well. But guess what? Readers aren't entitled to my hard work either. Comments are what keep us going. They are what feeds the muse when we're otherwise in a pit of writers block. They're what helps us work around an awkward plot point when a reader says "but I wonder what will happen when X discovers Y". Comments are what get us to think "I haven't posted this week, I need to get that chapter out", or if it was an absolute beast to write seeing that people enjoyed it makes it worthwhile. I will and have dropped stories that get no engagement, because shouting to the void damages my mental health. It makes my work and effort feel absolutely worthless and I refuse to do that to myself. I know I can see the hit counters increasing, but that could be someone who clicked accidentally, or didn't like the opening chapter and moved on. Comments are essential to keeping up my motivation and while I will never have the absolute audacity to demand a certain number of comments before I update, I will stop. Because my time is valuable to me and I won't spend it doing something that leaves me feeling terrible and worthless.

And I know, people have been known to link some of my stories in rec blogs (I've seen it done), I have a commenter who tells me they read it with their friends. I know other writers who have stumbled on their fic being discussed in fandom discords or on blogs or tik tok, or have been told that it's a subject in a group chat. But guess what? Unless we obsessively search everywhere on the Internet for even a hint that our work is being talked about, we never see that. We never hear about it. The one person who wants to hear you thoughts, who can provide the answers to your questions and the resolution to the plot point, is the person you've cut out of the discussion. It's the person who is looking at their inbox and email and becoming more and more demoralised because there's kudos, and the hit counter is going up, but no one is saying anything.

I know some people have been burned by picky writers in the past. I'm actually not one of the ones who cares. I will take a heart, I will take someone writing "kudos", I will take a sentence or a paragraph or a 4000 word essay (which would be longer than 90% of my chapters but the point stands). What I can't take, and the same goes for many writers, is silence. So please, I beg of you, for the sake of writers everywhere, resurrect the art of the comment.

Feed us, we're starving.

[twopoppies]

Hello Gina! I’ve been reading comments about H’s hiatus pretty much all day and I would like to bring my personal POV.

I’ve always been more oriented into alternative british scene. When 1D was at their peak during 2011-2014 so were many of my really loved bands - their greatest album has been released during this period of time, they played the best shows and I even had a chance to meet some of my back-in-the-day crushes. So it probably won’t be any secret what happend next - after the their top came their downfall. Some bands didn’t get the recognision they deserved and so they called it quit. Some bands haven’t topped their most famous album and so they called it quit. There was one particular band I loved the most and I can’t describe how disappointed I was when I saw them live after 5 years (back in 2017) and just came to opinion they are no longer what they used to be when I saw them last time in 2012. And guess what - they called it quit too, had few “just for fun” shows last year after another 5 years of unspoken hiatus and nobody expect them to be active (make another album and do some bigger tour) anymore.

So yes, I have witnessed so many heartbreak hiatuses and band breakups. So I’m trying to stay calm about how long it will take H to come back. Yes, I am also sad and got emotional and bit anxious how the future will look like especially when I read that this is basically his first real hiatus and nobody knows what will come next. Yes, he had my 99% interest over the last year and I can’t imagine not seeing him on stage almost every other day wearing cute outfits and doing funny interactions with fans. But I’m trying not to be dramatic because I’m sure H will come back “when the time is right” and it will be great. I don’t know how Shawn Mendes is popular in this fandom but imagine being his fan - he announced huge world tour 2 years ago after covid, played like 4 shows and took a few weeks break because of his mental health problems…and then he cancelled whole tour and nobody knows how long this hiatus will last, there’s no upcoming album and definitely no tour. He’s active from time to time on IG but that’s all. Or Lewis Capaldi who realised new album in May and now he’s on break too because of his health and nobody knows how long it will take. So I think people may stop be overdramatic about H, be happy and grateful what we got for last year and that he hopefully got his mental health sorted and found his balance so he can rest and then work again. I am personally taking it as a time for myself, my own personal growth because to be honest, being 99% focused on H was a bit tiring for me and now I can focus on everything else.

He’ll be alright. And so we will be.

Hi, sugar. Thanks for your perspective. I haven't really come to any conclusions, but I don't think H is in a rush to release music just to release music. He's got to be able to see that topping where he's at right now is next to impossible, and he's not going to want to release something he doesn't love with his whole heart. I find it curious that Sony hasn't posted anything about re-signing him (although I'm sure he would sign with them if he signs anywhere). Yet Rob Stringer was at the last show, so I don't think there's any bad blood. So, that makes me think that possibly they're holding off until they can make a big splash with the announcement. I don't think he's going away forever. But I do think he's going to take his time and come back "when the time is right".

I think we've been incredibly lucky as fans that he was able to put on such an incredible tour over these last 2 years, especially when you look at people like Shawn and Lewis who've been struggling with their mental health and had to pull back. I honestly can't imagine the pressure they're all under. Harry just makes it look easy, but we all know it takes an insane amount of hard work, a massive amount of support, and a huge dose of luck to survive the music industry.

I was speaking with someone this morning, too, about taking time for myself. Outside of my friends, Harry is the main reason I'm here these days, and if he's stepping back for a bit, it may be a good time to do the same. We'll see.

I hope he takes a much needed rest. I hope he does things that inspire and refresh him. I hope he finds balance and has time to do things he hasn't before. And, selfishly, I hope we see him again soon.

[bewareofthenewphannie]

Hello misty! Here I am in your inbox again.

So how do you feel about gamingmas ending? And entering the worst content drought since you became a phannie?

How is your phannie journey going? Have you somehow grown even more fond of them recently? Did you find any new favorite videos/moments recently? Or did you get too distracted by gamingmas and not have that much time to watch anything else?

Hopefully our dads will come back to us soon so we don’t go too crazy. Happy holidays and I hope you have a happy dnp filled 2024

Heyy Sandra, always so happy to see you in my inbox! I extend your wishes right back to you, I hope you are having a nice break right now :)

Again, long answer under the cut!

So how do you feel about gamingmas ending? And entering the worst content drought since you became a phannie?

I honestly don't think I've processed it ending yet. I have gotten so used to them just always being here and us constantly having new things to talk about that it will take a moment to sink in that it's over now. Like what do you meannn we've had a new video every day for 24 days? How is it possible that I can actually scroll through the videos I was here for when they got released?

I'm back home right now, so I have other things to keep me occupied and I don't think I'll notice gamingmas ending as much as I would if I was alone. (Being able to drown unsuspecting victims (my siblings) in information about them has been really fun. I think they have quietly accepted that there is something wrong with me.)

The teeny tiny rational part that's left in me is almost relieved that gamingmas is over now because the daily uploads did take up a lot of mental space, so I think a calmer pace will actually be good for me.

But gods, it was fun and I am so glad I stuck around. Purely content wise it was soso good, I know I will rewatch most of these videos. But what truly made this experience for me was being on tumblr and seeing all the reactions and art and gifs. (If you're reading this gif makers, artists and editors I love you I love you I love you.) Man, it was so exciting, the energy was so cool and I loved how we were all just waiting for it together every evening. I think that's the thing I'll probably miss most about gamingmas, the certainty about new videos dropping and the event-like feeling it had.

Also, I usually really notice my mood dropping in winter but I have been doing really well this december, and while I did lose sleep over them occasionally I think overall gamingmas genuinely contributed to that.

So yes, I will be missing it but honestly, I'm mostly excited to see what the future brings because I think they really found a really great new (?) dynamic (between themselves obv but also with us) and some good new concepts. And I think bored phannie tumblr with withdrawal symptoms will be fun in the next few days.

How is your phannie journey going? Have you somehow grown even more fond of them recently?

I guess you could say I have grown more fond of them but in a different way. I was going to write that that first giddy excitement for them has worn off, but honestly, it truly hasn't. What has changed is that I have gotten...used to them being part of my life now? Like before gamingmas there was still a chance of me getting out of this unscathed but now it is too late. Okay, I know I like being dramatic, but what I mean by this is that now I know they'll stick around. Even if I started feeling more normal about them at some point, I would still keep up with them, I wouldn't stop...caring I guess.

Fandom wise, I keep settling more and more into this tumblr space and have gotten used to and very comfortable with the way things work around here. I really enjoy understanding the references (well, most of them anyways, and if I don't, I know who to ask). I like that by now I can guess which moments will be gifed and talked about. And that apparently the random things I say resonate with other people (I'm very used to just screaming into the void on the internet). Side note, wedding hill has been very entertaining to watch, even though I don't know enough nor truly feel like contributing to it.

Did you find any new favorite videos/moments recently? Or did you get too distracted by gamingmas and not have that much time to watch anything else?

I haven't had too much time (partially because of gamingmas, partially because of irl things) but I did dive into the radio shows a little bit and there are so many great moments in there. When I have some more time I will need to fully get into that. And the old liveshows!

I think the thing that shook me the most though was stumbling across "forever home" while listening to the stereo shows. It hit me completely unexpected (see my initial reaction). Something something happily phorever after, am I right?

(btw, I finally got through all of the stereo shows now and. I. need. more. Live shows, a podcast, something, pleaseee.)

I already have a mental list of things I really want to watch though and my "watch later" on youtube is overflowing, so I am definitely not running out of content any time soon.

So, in conclusion...

I am still very happy to be and stay here, but don't really mind things getting a bit calmer and I am genuinely very excited to see what the new normal they'll settle into next year will be like. And I am so here for the big things that will inevitably come (because something is coming, isn't it?).

Thank you for sticking around with me :)

[catsafarithewriter]

A/N: PART 8 of the Bedlam au!

X

Toto hasn't returned to the Sanctuary in a week, and Muta isn't worried.

He's not.

Toto is old even by the Bureau's standards, an accomplishment not reached if one is probe to recklessness. (Baron doesn't count; Muta is fairly certain the cat Creation has only lived this long because Toto has kept a beady eye out for him.) Toto is the sensible one, the pragmatist (or as close as the Bureau has to one). He is not the sort to be dragged into some dramatic nonsense; he is the sort to drag the rest of them out of it.

Neither is he the sort to vanish for a week without notice.

So Muta isn't worried, not even a little bit. The lie that he told Baron to satiate question on Toto's absence (that he's gone to visit his artisan) don't weigh heavily on him, not at all. Which is why he hasn't been thinking about Toto these last few days, glancing up to the birdbrain's column enough times to give hinself neckache.

"You'll have plenty of time to bicker once he's back," Baron remarks, seemingly out of the blue. Muta had been sure that Baron had been caught up in his paperwork, and yet somehow, even with his back to him, Baron manages to give the air of a raised eyebrow. "Honestly, keep this up and I shall have to conclude you feel some kernel of affection for him."

Muta's gaze betrays him and detours to the courtyard on its way to Baron. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Baron makes a sound in the back of his throat which Muta has come to know as hiding a laugh. "My mistake. You are clearly merely distracted by the weather; a curious habit, as the Sanctuary isn't known for its variation."

It is Muta's turn to snort now, refusing to dignify Baron's remark with an excuse. "You don't think it strange?" he hazards. "That he's not back yet?"

Baron flips through another file, mutters, and relocates it to its proper place. "Not really. It's been a while since Toto paid his artisan a visit. I'm sure they have plenty to catch up on." There is only a hint of something which might be bitterness; Muta knows the relationship between Baron and his own artisan has been... fraught.

"Yes, but a week?"

"Time works differently in his artisan's world," Baron replies off-handedly. "He may not have realised so many days have passed."

"And if he's not?" Muta asks. "In his artisan's world?"

Baron pauses, and lowers the file. "Why would he not be in his artisan's world if he's visiting his artisan, Muta?" he asks in a deceptively pleasant voice.

"Bonding road trip?" Muta offers weakly.

"Is he on a bonding road trip?"

Muta makes a face. "Probably not?"

"Where is he, probably, then?"

Muta makes a noise in the back of his throat, only this is less stifled laughter, and more seagull-choking-on-a-too-large-chip kind of sound. "With Haru?"

Baron takes this better than Muta had been expecting – but, then again, Baron has always been a bit of a swan when it comes to emotions: calm and collected on the surface, furious paddling beneath. "I see," he says. "And why am I learning this now?"

"He would've been back by now if everything was fine."

"Why would everything not be fine? Now she's no longer with the Bureau, she shouldn't be getting into trouble."

Muta gives Baron a withering glare that, unfortunately, Baron doesn't see, what with his back turned to Muta. "We're talking about the same Chicky, yeah? She's been throwing herself into nonsense since before she ever joined us. Being part of the Bureau didn't start that."

"It just encouraged it," Baron mutters, but he finally turns to Muta, retrieving his hat and jacket in the same, practiced move. "Then perhaps it is time we paid her a visit." He starts towards the door, faltering beneath the indoor balcony as if only just remembering he couldn't hitch a ride with Toto. "And Muta?"

"Hm?"

Baron smiles brightly. "If this is a trick to get me to talk to Haru, and Toto is actually visiting his artisan, I'm moving the postbox to Toto's column and you can have fun fetching your newspapers from there."

It isn't really fair that he's the only one getting threats, Muta grumbles internally. The both of them had conspired behind Baron's back. If Toto has just bunked off, Muta fully intends to make the postbox a problem for everyone involved.

[gorogues]

tricksterrune replied to your text post: Clearly he has a pair of dice in his fist, ready to fling them dramatically at the right opportunity

Oh yes, clearly!

aukisstic replied to your ask post: THANK YOU I hate the pride special so much…

Yeah, I just did not think that story was good at all.

demonbirdsforever replied to your ask post: See this is where I go… they were in other comics!? I missed those!🥺

The Rogues are in tons of issues (cumulatively), but not all those stories are great :>

it-is-i-zim replied to your ask post: Not to be weird or anything but rn I actually feel like for Captain Boomerang, Knight Terrors Robin #1 or Suicide Squad Blaze as a whole are the worse than Suicide Squad v4

You're not being weird at all, but neither of those are canon. If I'd included non-canon stuff the list would have been really different lol, but in hindsight I should have made that clear.

it-is-i-zim replied to your ask post: Cuz Suicide Squad Blaze treated him like he was nothing more than a joke (and called him Captain Cultural Appropriation, which if we take Suicide Squad v4 #26 into account, where his mother is aboriginal, it feels like the writers just don’t know him), killed him off revealed that he was actually assaulted by whatever monster he was fighting and then killed him off for real.

Believe me, I agree that story was terrible :] It just didn't make the list because thankfully it's an AU.

it-is-i-zim replied to your ask post: And then in Knight Terrors: Robin #1 like… I understand it’s supposed to be from Tim Drake’s perspective, but it really paints Captain Boomerang in a really bad light. Like he killed Jack Drake on purpose. When he didn’t even throw the boomerang until he was collapsing from 3 gunshot wounds to the chest.

Well, Digger did go there to kill Jack, but Identity Crisis was a terrible story anyway. I should have included it in my worst Digger stories list, and am not sure how I forgot. I'll add it with a note that it's a late addition.

it-is-i-zim replied to your ask post: Like… The beginning of Suicide Squad v4, yeah, I agree, they fucked over Digger big time, but at least it got better at the end, despite issue #26 also calling him Owen instead.

It's of course a very subjective matter (all best/worst lists are), but I just thought those comics were straight up edgy and terrible. I've never liked any Adam Glass or Ales Kot comics.

it-is-i-zim replied to your ask post: Suicide Squad v1 was also Not Great™ as a whole due to the use of slurs for aboriginal people within it. Issue 4 was the worst of those where on top of using a slur for an aboriginal person to a black man, he also said black people can’t be artists and tried agree with a Nazi and made the super racist statement that minorities commit the most petty crimes.

This is also subjective, and I get where you're coming from but I don't think they're bad comics. It's fine if you don't like it -- a lot of people don't like what was done with Digger in that series, and that's valid -- but I think it's a good series. It hasn't always aged well, but it's the reason the Suicide Squad concept exists to this day. The racism is tough to read, but Ostrander was making a point about the garbage Waller, Bronze Tiger, and Vixen have to fight through to do their jobs and just exist as Black people. It does suck for Rogue fans that Digger was chosen to be the problematic mouthpiece, though, so I understand why some people don't like it. I agree it was a very drastic swing from his pre-Crisis characterization, so I don't love that aspect either.

it-is-i-zim replied to your ask post: Sorry, I have many thoughts on the true worst Captain Boomerang comic.

That's fine! :)

it-is-i-zim replied to your ask post: Also for Owen I’d argue for the Supergirl v5 comics. Cuz apparently that version of Supergirl that he’s not only rooming with, but is also trying to get with is 16. And he’s like… Literally an adult man. He literally called that version of Supergirl “jailbait” in one of the better comics of the bunch.

Yeah, I have mixed feelings on that series. It wasn't good, but unfortunately I think a lot of Owen's stories weren't great so to me it doesn't necessarily stand out. He's a good character who's been in a lot of mediocre stories…in part because a lot of DC's output was mediocre around that time.

demonbirdsforever replied to your text post: I read the Catwoman issues you recommended and now understand the kiss.

Hope you enjoyed it!

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ayy thought spiral with me (tw ocd vent/existential crisis?)

I don't think people understand what I'm referring to being hopeless when I say "it's hopeless". I'm not talking about my depression. I'm not even talking about my chronic pain or my trauma. I'm talking about what I call my existential ocd- "there is no way out but through" simply doesn't apply here.

There is no way out but *out*. And no one can show me the way. So I keep going through, down this tunnel, into this maze. I go deeper and deeper searching for something I'm quite aware I will never find but am compelled to chase, as if by some other worldly force. But I'm told the force is generated from within. Everyday of my life, I've walked this path and no other. Thats not an exaggeration- every day since I learned how to form thought I have been *obsessed* with figuring things out. It's who I am. It's what I care about.

I describe different kinds of emotional pain differently- mental illness is, as its name implies, an illness. It might go away forever with treatment or be chronic and need to be managed long term, but it can usually be managed. Trauma is a wound, one that often leaves permanent scars but can heal nonetheless. Grief is amputation, it's simply a loss with no replacement, but life can grow around that and become fuller in time. But this... this is something else. Something I struggle to put into words. It's me. It's the self, dissolving under the weight of uncertainty and compulsion, unable to exist in a normal way.

People will probably say "you shouldn't identify yourself with it then" but you don't understand. Where are the people who are like me or who were but then changed? Show me one, thats a genuine request. I'm irrevocably seperate from everyone who hasn't traveled this path and I haven't met or heard of anyone who has traveled it before me. And if there is someone who traveled it, did they get out? Or would I simply follow them round and around, deeper into this spiral... The "end goal" for me cannot ever be the same end goal that anyone different from me has achieved. That's why other people succeeding gives me no hope (or jealousy). There is not a person who has ever fully comprehended the absurdity and complexity- and what I'm beginning to believe is probably rarity- of my situation.

And no- I don't want to think of myself as different. I don't want to be special. If anything negative about me is rare, then its pathological, and if anything positive about me is rare, then it's crushingly disappointing to think that others are not even as good as I am. Yes, I'm seeing things unusually negatively. And being unusually critical. But- and I say this devoid of all pride- I'm an unusual person.

Its something that goes beyond loneliness. It's the ache of innate separation, due to the responsibility of awareness, the compulsive nature I can't discard, and so many more things. I am reaching out but no one can reach back, no one can do anything to reach me here. And I don't think I'd want them to if they could. Because then they would be here too. With me, yes, but *here*. In this death before death. I'm thinking it's better to be separate, to be misunderstood, than to be assured that this is real, that I'm not simply being overly dramatic or deluding myself into some kind of waking nightmare.

This might be more a prayer than a cry for help but please- if there is anyone out there who's been where I am, and who could, through some repplicable feat, manage to get out... please let me reach you. I am so tired.

[purplesimme]

For the drabble prompts, nro 20? :)

20. "Soon, it will all be over."

Read it on AO3

It hasn't been Wille's week- homework, his mom, princely duties, all of them have been particularly bad the past couple of days. And right now the last thing he wants to do is deal with people, at all.

So he makes up an excuse and grabs his plate of food and heads back to his room to eat in his bed, with only silence and peace keeping him company.

He's not even halfway through his dish when he leans over to grab his phone and the plate promptly falls off his lap, shattering in a million pieces.

Wille being clumsy is a light way to put it.

"You have to be fucking kidding me," he says, mostly to himself because there's no one else around, as he looks at all the glass and the now uneatable food spread all over the floor. "I am so hungry, I swear to God."

Wille just sits there, completely done with the day. So he thinks of the only thing that always helps him feel better: he texts Simon to come over. Unsurprisingly, Simon answers quickly, saying he'll be here in half an hour.

So Wille, with newfound motivation (aka seeing Simon), begins to clean up the mess before Simon gets here.

Simon is barely a step inside the room before Wille is grabbing him by the face and smooching him. "Hi."

Simon smiles big like the moon. "Hi. Shitty day?"

Wille rolls his eyes as he moves to sit on the bed. "More like shitty week."

Simon follows him and sits next to him. "Wanna talk about it?" He moves a strand of Wille's hair behind his ear.

"Nah, more of the same, just a bit more intense than usual. I just wanted to see you," Wille tells him, then rests his head on Simon's shoulder. "You okay?"

"I'm good," Simon replies, kissing his hair before lying his head on top of Wille's.

After a couple minutes of silence Simon tears himself away to get rid of his shoes, and that's when Wille remembers.

"Wait!"

Simon stops halfway through untying his sneakers. "What is it?"

Wille gets up, inspecting the floor again. "I dropped a full plate of food and I tried my best but I'm not the best at cleaning. There might be glass lying around."

Simon giggles, not surprised, and looks at the floor too, eventually concluding, "It's fine. I don't see anything."

So Simon takes off his shoes, Wille looking at him, still worried, and stands up. And promptly steps on a piece of glass. "Fuck," he says as he sits back down and check the sole of his foot. "Shit."

"I told you!" Wille almost screams at him. He kneels down on the floor next to Simon to get a look at the injury. "Fuck, are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"Doesn't hurt, I don't think?" Simon says, trying to analyze the situation. "Can definitely feel it, though."

They both look at the glass impaled on Simon's foot. It's a pretty big piece, and Wille is appalled as to why neither of them saw it before, but it's not that deep, so it should be easy to grab and pull it out.

"Okay, " Wille takes the initiative, staring at the insulting piece of glass. "I'm taking it out, are you ready?"

Simon starts laughing. "Yes? It's fine, Wille..."

Wille ignores him, rolling his sleeves up, ready to fix this situation. He feels a little bit guilty. He reaches out with two fingers towards the glass. "Soon, it will all be over," Wille tells Simon.

"Uh, I mean, yeah, it's just glass. It's not that dramatic," Simon tells him, amused at the concentrated look on Wille's face.

Wille looks up at him, laughing. "I know. I heard it on a movie and I've been waiting for the right time to say it."

Simon laughs too. "Okay, can you pull it out? It's starting to feel weird."

So Wille grabs it and quickly pulls it out without much difficulty. Wille holds it up for both of them to see. "The evil has been defeated. Do you need a band-aid?"

"Nope." Simon grins. "You're my savior," he tells Wille, such love on his eyes Wille gets butterflies.

"I mean, I don't mind," Wille tells him. "But next time, maybe let's not get actually injured? I did really worry for a second there," he confesses.

Simon grabs him by the chin and leans foward to kiss him. "I agree. But nothing happened, we're fine." Simon kisses him again, reassuring him.

"Do you want to take a nap?" Wille asks him. "I would love a nap."

"Yes," Simon agrees. "This was all very stressful."

Wille scoffs. "Now you're just making fun of me."

Simon laughs, not helping his case. "I'm not! I think napping is a great idea."

"Fine," Wille says, getting up and pushing Simon on his back on the bed. "This is gonna be the best nap ever."

Simon giggles as Wille gets in bed next to him, and they cuddle close and tight until they fall asleep.

[keikakudori]

in what ways would aizen love his partner post-muken?

out.

I'll answer this one going by f!verse since that's the one where Aizen and Gin wind up together as a couple. Hell!verse and zombie!verse are much more ambiguous right now; just let them hold hands at least.

Honestly, Aizen loves Gin in every way he can. What is very important to note is that the man has emotional constipation and while I don't know yet at what point in the Caged Thread (yes I am giving it capitals it's important) that he'll say to Gin that he loves him? He will, eventually, say it. Of course, Gin's hurled out something in his (very justified) blow-up at Aizen that's going to see Aizen not saying it for a long time and that was only the first part of the Important Conversation that's been unlocked at last between them. But let's fast-forward to them living in the era past the Blood War, shall we? Aizen shows his love for Gin in all the small ways. Telling Gin that he loves him isn't entirely necessary but it will get easier for Aizen to say with time and, likely, he's probably going to tell him that at least once a day. It's something that Aizen enjoys saying, though he doesn't fully expect Gin to say it back to him. Yet for a man who's been well justified as a profound liar, it's something significant. I haven't decided yet if Aizen would ever have told Momo that he loves her, but I do know that he would probably say that he's fond of her while he's being a bastard.

But Aizen's way of showing love won't have changed that much before or after Muken.

He likes to show his love by sharing things; his food, his yukata, even the stealing of his kiseru. No one else would ever be allowed but he'll do that with Gin. They talk much more openly now by that point, since there's no need for them to have secrets any longer; it's improved their communication. And Aizen will tell Gin many things if he can. He's never going to be overwhelming in how he shows this love, unless he wants to get a little fancy (and Aizen can and does get fancy; he even enjoys getting fancy.) for some reason or another, like what could constitute their anniversary. Which I guess... would be, maybe, the day that Gin became a captain?

( @godkilller DO WE EVEN HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY FOR THEM? ) Anyways, it's in how supportive he is of Gin, in how protective he is. Aizen knows damn well that Gin is more than capable of taking care of himself -- he survived for two years in Las Noches with terrible wounds, after all, not to mention coming from the Rukongai -- but there is a desire in him to be protective of the younger man. Not a lot of people can stir up his emotions, so Gin's fairly unique in the place he holds in Aizen's world. That's something that will never change. I sincerely doubt anyone else could ever eclipse Gin's place. If it happens, then that'll be something wild and strange to behold, certainly.

Just as Aizen won't ever be overwhelming, he prefers to favor more subdued and even subtle displays of things. Things like putting plates of food down if he thinks Gin hasn't eaten enough or perhaps putting a blanket over his shoulders if he's dozed off. Hell, you could even say that his usual way of forcing medication into Gin (which went from him SITTING ON HIM WHEN GIN WAS A KID AFTER WRAPPING HIM IN A BLANKET TO GET THE MEDICATION INTO HIM--- to, well, medication kisses when Gin was much older because I am a slut for a good trope.) is also love. It's just usually accompanied by Gin's wailing and dramatics that Aizen's become used to.

Chances are everyone else also grew used to Gin's dramatics and learned to not take it seriously when those happened.

But either way, Aizen shows that he loves Gin in dozens of ways. They may not make sense to an outsider looking in at them but their dynamic is their own. No one understands him as well as this young prodigy he was allowed to influence, and no one else ever will.

Even in the f!verse, he really will not allow other people to get close to him for a long time. But it will happen; chances are that Aizen is going to try and offer some kind of friendship to Rangiku because she's important to Gin and, therefore, she will become important to Aizen. Give him enough time and it will grow, that list of people he cares about.

And, I think what it ultimately comes down to, is that Aizen will show Gin how he loves him, the ways that he loves him, by proving that he's not the same man he was before Deicide. It's a complicated question and this is the very complicated answer. Aizen will usually show, not tell; but give him enough time and he'll begin to tell it as well as show it.

[rememberthisham]

All He Ever Wanted Ch. 14

The first day Dib still didn't see Zim in Skool wasn't surprising. He'd finally returned to his base after several weeks of imprisonment, he probably had to take a day or two to contact his leaders and…take a shower? Could Zim shower? Dib didn't know but he tried not to focus on it.

By the fourth day, it was all he could focus on. The entire week had gone by without Zim's return and Dib was starting to worry. More for himself than for the alien, he knew after so much time fighting him he couldn't rightfully be killed. Dib was worried about himself and the venomous glances he was still receiving from Miss Bitters.

He was beginning to worry about the gradually increasing whispers of his classmates as they all drew the connection between Zim's mysterious disappearance and Dib's constant paranoid threats to his fellow classmate. He was beginning to worry quite a bit when no one threw their lunch at him in the afternoon, instead skirting around him and Gaz fearfully as they sat at their usual table. Dib stirred his peas and relish with his spork, absent of appetite.

"Gaz, you said I could tell you about…stuff… right?" He croaked, his voice a bit weak from not speaking all day. Gaz groaned dramatically and didn't look up from her intense boss battle on her game slave.

"Yeah, I  guess  I did, huh." She admitted.

"Well it's just that I had a big breakthrough in the alien case lately and it's kinda torn a huge hole in everything I thought I knew and now he hasn't been back to skool even though I let him go and eventually people are gonna think I did something to him and then I'll be arrested and dad will think I'm a failure and he'll be all  'eef only aid done somthink soonar aboot your insanhity'  you know? Am I being crazy Gaz? Gaz?"

"Yes."

"Oh…" Dib deflated, after rushing through all his problems in a few seconds they really did seem much smaller. Gaz sighed at his defeated posture and stopped messing around in her game, killing the boss and finding the safe point to put down her controller.

"Dib, did you kill Zim?" She asked. Dib looked up sharply.

"No! Well…maybe for a second, but he's ok now!" He argued. Gaz rolled her head on her neck in a gesture that would indicate an eye roll if her eyes were visible.

"Look man, even if you  had  done something to Zim, dad would just fix it." She pointed out lazily. Dib rested his head in his hand.

"He can't fix everything."

"Pretty much everyone does what he says, if he says you're innocent they'll probably publish an article on his genius deduction or something." She picked her game back up, seemingly deciding the conversation was over. Dib didn't argue, not having much else to say. Her logic wasn't wrong, but it didn't make him feel better. He was still worried about himself. Worried about what he didn't know, he liked to know things. He went back to stirring his peas.

0

The weather was more like spring than winter as Skool let out for the day. It seemed the cold snap that caused the snow day was a temporary weather phenomenon. Dib walked out of Skool and didn't board the bus, and neither did Gaz. They both walked down the sidewalk in silence for a few blocks until they split off in equal silence. Gaz heading in the direction of their house and Dib heading the opposite direction towards the woods. The 'School' excuse had been holding and every day after his usual Skool Dib walked down to the woods and learned something from the witch. Sometimes he was a kid like Dib when he taught but most of the time he was the old man Dib had originally met. Dib left the sidewalk and felt the mud and grass squish under his sandals. It was getting a little cold for sandals, but the witch had this idea that "shoes are part of humanity's obsession with elevating itself above nature and therefore alienating itself from the very fabric of its own design and all the connections it once had to the grand enlightenment" or something. Dib wasn't gonna go around barefoot in fall, that's how you lost toes, but he'd concede to wear his sandals a little longer while he was learning. 

As he came to the treeline he made sure to touch all the trees' bark as he passed. They were solid and impressive but they just felt like trees. It was as he did this for many days in a row that he found they didn't feel different, but the way he thought about them began to change. He began to more consciously conceptualize the idea of them as plants; they were giant plants that humans lived amongst, no different from ants living amongst the grass. At first glance to a young boy, they seemed more related to rocks or buildings. They were structures. They were landmarks built specifically for casting shade or filling out someone's front lawn. Yet so casually and frequently visiting their own place where they live naturally makes one confront that they live at all. They grow from children and they move to follow the sunlight. The witch says there is just as much tree below the ground as there is above, and thinking of a tree's roots so large and spread out as the tree itself makes one feel much much smaller. Every single tree is secretly twice as big as it looks. Giants in real life.

The witch says they talk to each other like people, but Dib doesn't think it's quite as complicated as human communication.

As Dib walked he touched the trees and listened to the crunch of leaves beneath his sandals. Were they more like hair? Or more like skin? He supposed they were neither since they were leaves. He walked the path until it was time to leave it, he knew the spot through practice, and found the witch's house.

Knock knock knock knock

The door swung open and the young witch greeted him. Eye to eye he invited Dib in as he did most days, however, Dib didn't take off his shoes as he usually did.

"So uh…are we doing something outside today? Counting grass? Communing with squirrels?" He bounced on the balls of his feet. The witch had opened his mouth to say something before Dib interrupted him. Now he changed his greeting.

"You seem excited." He said suspiciously. Dib didn't notice as he turned back towards the door.

"Yeah, it's nice out. I wanna learn stuff." He dismissed. The witch pursed his lips.

"You're not excited, you're nervous." He observed easily. Dib rolled his eyes, swallowing the heart that had jumped into his throat.

"What's the difference? Come on, it's a nice day, let's go."

"Nope" the witch walked leisurely to his couch, flopping down and saying nothing as he waited.

"So…so we're doing an indoor lesson?"

"Call it what you want, you're telling me what's up." He said. Dib grumbled. He was tired of telling people what was up, they always said he was making something of nothing.

Then again, the witch had been surprisingly solid with his advice, however, he pried.

"Fine, if this is what we're wasting the lesson on then sure." Dib conceded. He sat on the floor with a huff and a less-than-comfortable silence lapsed between them.

"Well?"

"It's Zim."

"It always is." The witch laughed and Dib shot him a side-eyed look. "What? You're obsessed with him, that's not news."

"I am not  obsessed  with Zim." He argued, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes. "Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm not obsessed with him. I don't even have to care what he does anymore cause he's not actually going to take over the Earth!" He shouted. 

The witch stared at him for a minute before idly examining his hand. Dib rolled his eyes and continued. 

"What's bothering me is  everyone else.  Zim hasn't been to Skool since I let him go and he wasn't in Skool when I had him in my lab so if he doesn't show his ugly green face soon, people are gonna suspect that I did something to him."

"You did do something to him." The Witch pointed out unhelpfully.

"Not anymore!" Dib tried to impress the difference. "What happened to him?  Why  isn't he in Skool? I'm not holding him hostage so is someone else? Is he planning something? Is getting me blamed for his disappearance his master plan? Haa!" Dib shot up suddenly from the floor. "Oh my God, I have to go." He turned for the door.

"Sit down."

"No! I just realized what he's done." He pointed accusingly at the witch. "It was so dastardly, he  deceived  me into believing his tallest banished him here." The witch stood from the couch and approached Dib as he ranted. "That's it, he planned the whole thing to make me let my guard down. I will not be a fool." 

"Breathe dude," he put both hands on Dib's shoulders to stop him from stepping away. Dib gasped sharply when he realized he'd said all that in one breath. "You're being ridiculous."

Dib felt the words smack him like a hand. The one person who believed him finally stopped. 

"Let go of me."

"No just think about it." Dib stared at the floor in hurt, unhearing, and unreachable for several minutes. He let his anger and his nervous energy calm over the course of a few minutes, trying to put into words why his revelation made sense. 

It didn't.

Zim didn't know he was being manipulated, that much was obvious, to him he was a hero who was beloved by his people. It didn't make sense that the armada was moving away or that Zim's mission had no aid and no set timeline for the invasion. 

Dib deflated again, his scythe flopping forward a little into his face. He blew on it a little bit, but he didn't have the motivation to actually move it back into place. Slowly, the witch dropped his hands from Dib's shoulders.

"When are you gonna stop coming into my house and having breakdowns?" He muttered. "Without chasing Zim you're chasing your own tail,"

"What do I do?" Dib asked the floor. "I can't just…he's an  alien.  The first extraterrestrial life ever to contact Earth. I can't just let him go forever."

"You know where he lives?"

"Yeah," 

"You should go talk to him."

"His base is heavily guarded."

"You can't knock on his door?"

"Knock?" Dib at long last looked up from his own shoes.

"Go knock on his door, ask him where he's been." The witch suggested with a shrug.

"I can't…" Dib flushed in embarrassment. "I can't just  knock. "

"You're obsessed with him, you're worried about him, go talk to him." The witch said firmly as he turned Dib around and pushed him towards the door. Dib started at the turn of events, fighting weakly as the witch opened the door.

"But, what about the lesson?"

"You're dismissed early, do your homework." He smiled smugly and led Dib out, shutting the door behind him. 

Dib stood by himself for a second, looking at the door. The wind blew lightly across his skin making him shiver. He turned, the quiet sway of the woods calming him and making everything else feel insignificant for just a second. How did it do that?

With a sigh he trudged onward, he supposed he had homework.

0

"This…is stupid." He muttered to himself as his hand hovered a few centimeters from the green metal of Zim's front door. The Gnomes pointed threatening lasers at his back but didn't fire. He clenched and unclenched his raised fist as he contemplated knocking. "This is  so  stupid." He muttered, equally to himself. He closed his eyes and pretended he stood in front of someone else's door. 

Knock knock knock knock

He did it.

There he did it and there was no taking it back. Maybe Zim wouldn't even dignify the gesture by opening the door? Maybe he wasn't even home? Dib shifted nervously from one foot to the other, waiting for enough time to pass for him to justifiably walk away and say he tried. 

Crash

An echoing cascade of falling objects that gradually increased in volume could be heard and Dib froze, suddenly contemplating running. The crashes culminated in a small bang on the other side of the door followed by it quickly swinging open.

The undisguised robot minion of Zim faced him on the other side.

"Are you my pizza?"

"Uh…" Dib had spoken to GIR a few times, but he knew how it went when he tried to be reasonable. He decided to try something different. "Yes?"

"Whoooohooo!" GIR yelled triumphantly, moving to the side and waving Dib in. Dib took a tentative step forward before freezing. Minimoose floated ominously in the living room, round lifeless eyes trained on the intruder.

“Squeak.” He asked, but it wasn’t in a questioning tone. 

“I just wanted to talk to Zim.” He admitted. It felt strange to say, and even stranger to attempt, something so casual towards his nemesis. The moose didn’t change outwardly, yet still noticeably seemed to soften. 

“Squeak.” He revealed. Dib didn’t know what to do knowing Zim was occupied in his lab, should he leave?

“So…he’s unavailable?” He asked. The moose moved up and down where he floated and nodded to GIR.

“Squeak.”

“Okie Dokie!” The robot saluted with smiling bright blue eyes and waved for Dib to follow him.

“Oh! Oh, ok…” Dib followed the robot through the uncannily decorated living room and into the kitchen, quietly thanking Minimoose as he passed. He was going to Zim’s lab? Down into his secret base? Was Zim aware of this?

Dib had a hundred questions and that wasn’t even including questioning why there was a toilet in the kitchen. He honestly didn’t know what else he expected as he was led by the whistling GIR up onto the back of said toilet to stand on its tank. GIR flushed the plunger and Dib felt his body jolt as he was suddenly being lowered on a platform down into the floor. 

He’d be lying if he said he had never seen the deeper recesses of Zim’s base before. He had his spy drones and his covert missions, but to just  walk in  and  take the entrance  was so…nice. He could stare openly at all the intricate tubing lining the corridors and wonder at all the various glowing buttons and cranks. Where did those wires go? Where was all this steam coming from? Dib Asked GIR these questions without really expecting answers. His expectations were met as GIR responded with things like “To the umbrella cabinet” and “Oh that’s where the lasagna gets made”. When he was certain GIR was leading him in circles completely devoid of purpose, he finally rounded the final bend of a long and twisted corridor. The mouth of the hallway opened up into a large room that could possibly be described as a Laboratory, but was more akin to a high-tech government-funded research facility on the moon. Every wall was lined with heavy machines, each more large and unnecessary than the last. Shelves were stocked with tools, supplies, samples, and what looked to be ingredients. The many island work tables were scattered with beeping trinkets and stray wires, jars of unearthly brain-goo, engines in various sizes and states of assembly, model trains, different color hairs stretched over lengths of wood and carefully labeled by species and edibility, large test tubes of liquid ranging from water to arsenic, complete taxidermy projects of many small animals at a dining table enjoying a meal, a fully decorated three tier cake, a spiked metal doomsday device with the broken countdown flickering between three seconds and four, the list went on.

Dib opened his eyes as wide as they could possibly be opened, and still, he felt he wasn’t seeing everything. His dad's lab at home seemed so mundane by comparison, and his workstation in the shed felt like an actual joke. He whipped his head around the room, never had any of his expeditions into Zim's liar revealed his Laboratory, he had no idea what he’d missed until now. 

Beep beep beep beep beep

“Wheeeeoooo!” GIR charged headlong into the mess, diving without hesitation into the three-tier cake. Dib looked to the ceiling, wondering what the sudden beeping alarm could mean.

“Sir?” The voice of the computer was small as it addressed Zim, who finally drew Dib's attention as he sat up straight from his slumped posture in the corner. Amongst all the new sights and movements he had been nearly invisible hunched over his PAK on the humble counter. 

“Yes yes, eight minutes.” He muttered, raising his arms at his sides as the disembodied hydraulic arm in front of him raised the half-open PAK from the counter and fastened it to the metal socket on his back. He sighed tiredly and slumped back over, sliding into a waiting nearby chair. 

Dib very suddenly wanted to back out. He was suddenly certain Zim didn’t know he was here and he was about to embarrass himself. He wanted to run back up the hall and out the door and go home knowing Zim was fine, just busy. He almost convinced himself to do it when the computer blew his cover.

“No sir, uh, you have a…visitor?” The computer sounded just as confused.

Zim whirled around in his swivel chair, and his eyes found the human who’d intruded on his home without his knowledge. Dib didn’t know what he’d expected as he faced Zim for the first time in days, maybe anger? Suspicion? It wasn’t the expression Zim had for him just then.

Just then he looked defeated.

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