#yes he is a little shit but considering that he is also perfect and precious and must be protected at all costs

[ghostinthegallery]

It should be no secret that I adore Oltyx. He's one of my favorite 40k characters. Which is amazing because let's be real, he's an insufferable little shit who spends most of the books consumed by entitlement, paranoia, or both. He's just so damn well written, the elements that make him awful (which also form the starting point for his character arc) don't quite overshadow his redeeming qualities (which prove he is a person worth giving the opportunity to grow).

Those early chapters do some serious heavy lifting, character-wise. Oltyx comes out the gate swinging for "worst protag of the Year award". He's bitter, he's convinced all of his problems are someone else's fault, he is needlessly cruel to his subordinate (ready to kill Neth just because one grot made it to the stairs). A real winner, right here. Except for two things:

1) he doesn't want his soldiers to die. Sure, he justifies this with facts and logic. Attrition will eventually diminish his forces, leaving him unable to defend his shitty planet, and he isn't getting reinforcements anytime soon. But still, he wants to preserve the lives under his command. He wants to create a "new way of war" which is surprisingly sympathetic for someone who acts like a surly teenager (more on THAT later). Bonus that he does not in fact kill Neth

2) his flashback where he sees Djoseras' first lesson to him. Where we see that Oltyx is not exactly a reliable narrator regarding his elder. And if he's wrong about Djoseras, what else is he wrong about? The narrative is doing something here.

That second point is super important. Because there's a huge difference between reading an asshole protag where the author knows they are an asshole vs. where the author doesn't. The former can be incredibly satisfying as you watch someone grow and change. The latter is annoying AF. That flashback (for me) is like a footnote from the author promising "hey, not all is as it seems, bear with me."

Oltyx's hints of compassion are the incentive.to.give him a chance. Which is then further cemented when we enter the tomb and get to see Oltyx's affection for Yenekh, the first character we see Oltyx caring about. Proof that he has relationships that matter. He doesn't actually hate everyone and everything. And as the narrative continues, we peel back the layers to see what Oltyx actually is.

While I reading those opening pages, I joked to my spouse that Oltyx sounded like a teenager who listens to too much emo music. Turns out that was not actually a joke, that was the entire character. As we get more of his interactions and flashbacks, we are shown someone trapped in perpetual adolescence. Who had the compassion beaten out of him by war, trauma, and neglect (or literally sliced out of him, fuck Hemiun). The more you see of Oltyx the more heartbreaking he becomes. Not because he isn't terrible (he is) but because he didn't have to be. Yet it is so understandable why he is. The lessons he was taught even by the people that loved him (life has no value, compassion is a weakness, lies will come from those closest to you) twisted a kind soul into a conflicted mess. It excuses nothing but explains everything.

But despite ALL OF THAT Oltyx still tries to do the right thing. He tries to save the dynasty that exiled him, he tries to fight beside the brother he taught himself to hate, he tries to resist the madness that he thinks will make him a monster. He literally has the mind of an eighteen year old, trapped in a metal body that is slowly destroying what little sanity he has left. That's a lot!

Crowley had a fine line to walk writing Oltyx, making him sympathetic but not dulling the impact of his darker traits. For my money he did it brilliantly. Oltyx is my precious son who has done everything wrong and I love him.

[stuffymcstuffsworld]

Shovel talk

It was rather obvious that your child attracted weirdos. It was sadly a truth you had come to terms with. Iruma just had that magnetic charisma that drew people to him.

Now, just because you had come to terms with it did not mean you were turning a blind eye. Hell no! The netherworld was full of too many psycho's.

And while you couldn't constantly monitor your child 24/7. Despite some demons' attempts, **cough** Sullivan, Opera, Alice and Clara.**cough** You at least knew he needed to make his own choices without pressure.

Although...that didn't stop you from weeding out those with questionable intentions. That was a rather nice way of putting it. All things considered.

It was so cute how many students got frightened. All it took was a few well placed words. They'd run away crying after that.

But for the more persistent bunch.... it took more. More than just words. Actions were also necessary at that point.

So you may have asked for a little assistance from Balam. Nothing physical! You would never ask him to harm a student!

But his vines were certainly helpful in keeping them in place. After all, you'd rather not wrestle and chat at the same time. His bloodline ability was also useful.

Because it assured the young demons in question that you weren't a liar. That everything you said you'd do would happen. Not threats, promises.

So this is where you found yourself on a lazy Thursday afternoon. Classes had just ended, and no one was nearby to hear the conversation. You stared at the stubborn imp bound to the chair across from you.

"Balam." "Yes?" The nervous teacher stood behind you. Not that the student mood tell his teacher was nervous. It was just another intimidation tactic you utilized.

"Please be my lie detector for this conversation." The professor nods. The student straightened up. Obviously, thinking they were about to be interrogated.

How quaint, you really didn't give two shits about the brat on the chair. The less you knew about the creep, the better in your opinion. "Opera's cooking is the best." "Truth." "I'm really eight feet tall." "Lie."

You leaned back in your chair, crossing your legs. "Perfect! Now that we've established that Balam-Sensei's magic is working, let's get started."

"I am not pleased with your behavior towards my son." Your words flat and to the point. "Truth," Balam says quietly behind you.

"What makes you think you have the right to stalk him and his friends? Or to try and drop random gifts in his locker?" You hold up a bag with questionable sweets.

"I... i..." They stutter. "Did you put a love potion in these? Yes or no?" You asked firmly. "N-no i-" "Lies," Balam rumbled.

His eyes narrowed, and he gripped the back of your chair. You could tell he was upset. Not that you could blame him.

Love potions on school property were made under careful supervision. Even then it wouldn't cause more than puppy love. This, however... was stronger.

"I'm not going to waste my breath asking where you got this. I'm sure the other teachers will be happy to squeeze the information out of you. " The gargoyle looms behind you a dark look on his face.

The student trembles as the vines tighten around him. "My concern is that you tried to use this on my precious baby." You toss the bag up, allowing Balam to collect it as evidence.

They pale drastically as you raise your gaze to meet theirs. "That doesn't settle well with me, you see." Your tone sends shivers down your listeners' spine.

"See, I was going to go easy on you for the stalking, Iruma has too many of those to count at this point." You sigh. "But you had to be stupid and want more."

You lean forward, keeping eye contact. "Do you know what I do to little imps like you?" You ask lowly. They frantically shake their head.

You hold up your hand, and Balam drops a tool into your palm. You hold it out in front of you. Allowing them to see. A large shovel.

"I cover them in honey and bury them in Anthills. I leave their heads above the surface so that I can hear their screams." You trace the shovel idly with one finger. "Truth." Balam stated.

The student was a crying and sobbing mess. Truthfully, you had only had to follow through with your words once. Once was enough truth that all others who heard were terrified.

"But seeing as you've gone against school policy, your teachers are in charge of your punishment." You could see them tremble, unsure of which was worse. You can't help the small smirk.

"I'm sure Kalego-Sensei would love to hear your disregard for the school's strict rules on love potions. And Dali-Sensei, oh! And we certainly can't forget about Marbas-Sensei!"

The sugary sweet tone you used as Balam starts to drag the student away. It's more terrifying than the icy tone from before. It was one that screamed. "You're screwed!"

But that's to be expected. You loved Iruma to bits. Anyone interested in him had to go through you first. It would be over your rotting corpse before anyone with ill intention touched him.

Speaking of which. You lift up your shovel, blocking the spear about to impale you. "Too slow." Some demons just took words too literally.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some replies, some related to our previous posts, some are random twst-related (Kalim’s harem, boys loving several people at once, etc)

Anonymous asked:

Holy fuck his moobs are huge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hehe yes!! I kind of overdid it once again, but it’s for the sake of art, so let’s ignore that…

Perfect for holding pocky sticks!

Anonymous asked:

I'm very late for this one, it's about shota tweels art, they reminded me of twin girls from The Shining going "Come play with us~" i can see them pulling that off-

(this is about this artwork)

You can never be late with this kind of comment, Anon!

Also I can absolutely see that as well; these two are menaces and probably considered everyone around them their toys even when they were little. So no matter if it’s a genuine demand of play, or just them messing with someone trying to scare the shit out of them, they would do that…

Anonymous asked:

It’s three AM and I had the most random thought: Kalim with his (bottom) classmates as a harem, likely unwilling…They may not give him heirs (unless omegaverse or forced body modification but that’s not the focus) but Kalim would have a blast with them…And the bottoms would be so mad, especially Jamil. Don’t bring their classmates into his nonsense!

(Realized he probably would have a tough time getting Malleus in his harem like he did with the others, but maybe Malleus would play along for a bit)

(I may or may not just want the bottoms all dressed up in silk and precious gems and spoiled against their will)

Anon, YES, that’s exquisite taste right there!!

We need Kalim to dress all the bottoms up all pretty and shower them in riches, and then see them cuddle with him like he is the king of their hearts… and there are a bunch of musically talented ones, so Kalim would enjoy his little harem parties with dances and music and all kinds of fun! And this is why Malleus would be an especially good addition to the harem – with his beautiful voice and stuff, and deep green + black silks + golden earrings with emeralds would look so wonderful on him. He would be the brightest gem in this collection, and he knows that, so ironically I can picture him humoring this whole thing at least for a little bit. Let’s be honest, he would be happy to get invited lol So until it gets boring for him or he starts feeling like he doesn’t get the attention he wants, Malleus will be there and sing for Kalim. And play with his hair too~

Sorry, for some reason the idea of Malleus being there took me there mentally lol But the rest of the boys too! What an interesting and diverse harem Kalim would have… With pretty much all of them being super confused and mad… Kalim would try to make everyone calm down by inviting them to chill, eat something nice and play music. Wait, would Malleus be the only one who isn’t protesting this whole thing?? I guess Silver also wouldn’t…

(god, imagine the universe when all the bottoms are being pregnant with Kalim’s babies at the same time… sounds both like a nightmare for Jamil, and like something that’s not very unusual for the Asims to experience lol)

tardigrade-misfit asked:

I’ve recently been questioning if I am polyamorous or not and it got me wondering… which of the TWST cast do you think would be polyamorous? I personally think Floyd and/or Lilia would be polyamorous.

Good question! But I’m not sure if I should use the term polyamorous for these fuckers lol Since I’m a multishipper, it’s a bit difficult for me to pinpoint which characters would be naturally drawn towards several people at once, which ones would love different people in different universes, and which ones are just being self-indulgent to that high of a degree…  this just isn’t really a thing that I take into consideration usually, I think.

Floyd and Lilia are good options though! Because they definitely would not commit to one partner; but with Floyd it’s probably more of a matter of him losing interest quickly and jumping around without robbing himself of any kind of fun. Lilia is also pretty easy to think about that way since he is never really into just one person…

Rook loves everyone in a way, and while the types and degrees of love he feels are different for different people, he himself would probably say that he is in love with not just one person, and he did call himself “a greedy man” in canon, implying certain things... that’s le chasseur d'amour for you.

Not sure if I would call him polyamorous, but Deuce would defiintely find himself being in love with both Ace and Jack. So depending on how you look at it…

Anonymous asked:

Fem Floyd tiddie mmm... Does she have anything pierced down there?

Does she go bra less during school?

As for fem!Floyd going braless, I talked about all the girlies and their bra-wearing preferences here! But to reiterate: yeah absolutely, a lot of times she does go braless, but she gets in trouble for that sometimes, so every now and then she has to wear something underneath.

If the sight of nipple piercings peeking through a white shirt would bother Riddle, Floyd might consider at least making it seem like she has something pierced. In terms of my own bias though, I don’t really see her doing that somehow 🤔

If she did though, she would troll Riddle a lot for staring at her boobs.

Anonymous asked:

Okay, so I'm a sucker for the tsundere girl x flirty asshole dynamic, so do you have any headcanons for female Riddle x male Floyd?

Anooon, I am very sorry, but this is the dynamic we don’t really like… it reminds me of some of the shows and ships that I don’t like, and because of that I unfortunately can’t really come up with anything good with this specific version of FloRid :(

Anonymous asked:

Who would be a futa? Opinions on futa ppl? Chicks with dicks

And what about cunt boys? Dudes with vaginas?

Actually replied to a similar ask a couple of days ago!

While I don’t have anything against the trope in porn, this isn’t really my cup of tea, so it’s a bit difficult for me to come up with scenarios and headcanons about it…

Anyone could be a futa or a cuntboy if you want them to be, of course!

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

your perception of itafushi. my beloved. my favorite little barbie dolls that gege loves to wind up. i miss them.

like the idea of yuuji being so jealous over megumi? the sunshine himbo…losing it at the sight of megumi smiling at this perfect little asshole who is totally hiding under an anxious mess facade. there’s no way someone could have it all and their this good guy. yuuji is waiting for the day yuuta messes up i just know it.

even with yuuji finally understands their dynamic i just know that those two have subtle competitions over megumi attention. like…it gets to the point where throwing cars at each other is the norm. (cue nanami being horrified at his legal and emotional children throwing cars at each other over a child of gojo. like yes he adores megumi. but somehow this is all gojo fault. don’t ask nanami how.)

BUT THE IDEA OF THE ZENINS BEING SO YUUJIPHOBIC? like the idea of them shuddering at the idea of megumi fucking around with the vessel of sukuna? that they had to set a bounty on him just to keep him away from their precious runaway heir? i just know mai pops out to the school just to bitch about megumi and his boyfriend being like modern day romeo and juliet.

i also love to imagine sukuna being a firm zenin hater. like he’s not even willing to eat them. he firmly believes that all of them taste like shit. especially naoya.

See I just love the idea of Yuuji being jealous over Megumi but exclusively when it comes to Okkotsu Yuuta. He’s legitimately not a jealous person. He’s never been jealous of anyone before in his life. He’s deeply secure in what he has with Megumi and knows that Megumi likes him back and that there’s no need to be worried or upset about Megumi having close relationships with other people. He wants Megumi to have close relationships outside of him.

But the universe fucking bends to give that perfect beautiful bastard everything Yuuji has ever dreamed of.

It’s a new experience for yuuji. He’s not used to experiencing jealousy. He’s literally never done it before. But there’s this impossibly gorgeous and perfect man swanning around out there getting his death sentence overturned and having his curse royalty unattach from his body in sparkling globes of light and having Nanamin legally adopt him as his actual child and having Megumi be His Boy and apparently it’s universally acknowledged* that Megumi is still Yuuta’s Boy despite Yuuji going to Herculean efforts to lock that shit down. He has assassins trying to kill him because it’s universally agreed** that his boyfriend is out of his league, apparently, and his boyfriend is still someone else’s Boy.

It does not help that when the Assassin Problem first appears yuuji wants to go to Gojo and Megumi decides he cannot take that level of humiliation and suggests going to Yuuta first. Which makes Yuuji insist that no no, he can handle a few assassins. No need to bother any impossibly beautiful upperclassman about it who are apparently better than Yuuji in every way. He’s got this on his own. Nooo problem.

Megumi stares at him for three unbroken seconds and goes to ask Yuuta for advice about it, which results in the second years going off to unilaterally threaten the Zenin clan, which none of the first years ever find out about.

Sukuna absolutely does hate the Zenin clan and it’s specifically because they did not consider him when putting a bounty on yuujis head. He’s a firm believer in knowing your worth and he knows his fucking worth. Sorcerers used to have style. They used to have respect. What the fuck is this. The Zenin are not worth dog shit on his heel. He’ll kill them all.

*universally acknowledged by everyone except Megumi, who still does not know that people call him that

** universally agreed by everyone except Todo, who thinks his brother is a beautiful beautiful man that anyone would be lucky to court and that Fushiguro is a boring child with a nonexistent ass who has inexplicably bewitched a gorgeous specimen of manhood.

[caterpillarinacave]

from the character bingo: I do want to hear a ten hour speech about henry. and thelma and marigold and peter. (if you want to write it)

Uh WHERE do I even start???? I love them I love them I love them I love them. 

 The parallels between Henry and Mortmain??? Interesting, untapped, should be talked about. The 👏silent👏character��arc👏 from hating himself to not??? That’s good autism rep. That’s PERFECT autism rep. On the angsty side should we talk about all the shit he blames himself for? Let’s go back to him accidentally telling Mortmain how a Pyxis works? The fact that he’s really toeing the line between breaking the law and not? The whole clave being awful to him and him just not caring???? Amazing. His friendship with Magnus??? They’re like besties???? Cassie can we talk about that??? Because I love them, I love them, I love them. I want to see so much more from before TID. And if Cassie won’t write it then I will ✋

I claimed the Fairchild twins. They’re triplets and I love them. It’s so much fun. 

Everyone’s ready for twins, everyone’s nervous enough and then boom triplets. Matthew just about fainted. Everyone just about fainted. 

The irony of wanting girls for so long HAVING the girls and then a random ass boy to finish it off.

Their middle names are Marigold (middle name) Jessamine,Thelma Charlotte, and Peter Lewis. Take the “Charlotte named her kid after herself to the next level”. I’d say it’s fair considering the triplets could not look more different than their mother. They got to tell Jessamine they named their little girl after her. She pretended to be unbothered but she was so touched. After all she did, after all she put them through, they still love her so much they named their baby girl, the baby they’ve wanted for so long, this beautiful, precious baby is named after her. They still see so much good in her they connect their daughter to her forever. Jessie had to take a moment.

Also all Henry and Charlottes boys end up homosexual. It’s just the vibe. The fruitiness is really. 

They look so much like their father. There’s no “ooo the consul must have cheated” rumors when you look at them. It would make more sense to whisper that Henry cloned them in a lab. Poor Charlotte had five kids and NONE of them look like her.  They’re all taller than her at like. Ten. 

They’re so exhuberant. So passionate. So weird. Every time Matthew try’s to take them somewhere they take like eight years off his life. “Hey lemme just climb onto the side of this bridge, no no no, this is safe, I gotta see that rock, yes I’ll come back aFTER-“.  The shadowhunter world was so not ready for them.

Really I could go on. There is no question I can not answer about any of these guys I love them so much <3<3<3

[itfitsitshipsart]

3, 5, and 13 for self insert lore!

For my FFXV S/I then!

3. how do the other characters generally feel about your self insert?

Mosty positive. Mostly. Noctic sees her like a big sister, they were close ever since he was little. Prompto definitely considers her bestie material, the kind you send memes to at 3 in the morning, and caption 'reminds me of you' (he also had a crush on her when they were in high school, which thankfully when she turned him down they were able to stay buddy close). Iris looks up to her. She's a beloved friend, and they often talk romance to one another. And uncle Cor, he adores his little girl. His niece is his most precious thing, and it's been this way since she was born! Like, he will fight anyone who dares think himself good enough to marry Evelyn (yes, even perfect Ignis. Iggy legit sparred with Cor to prove how serious he was in wanting to ask for her hand)

Gladio is where it gets complicated teenage years onward (like, I should write a whole essay about it). On one hand, he was a little cold to her because he noticed how she liked Ignis (and he is so very gay for Ignis). But then, as time went on, he realized part of his problem was that he kinda liked her as well! (His poor moment of "Oh shit I'm not gay, I'm definitely bi!" XD) There's quite a bit of growth between the two, though, and Evelyn and Gladio get to a point where their friendship is strong once more. He accepts that she really loves Ignis and he feels the same, and Gladio finds happiness in seeing two of his best friends together. He will tease though, and heaven help anyone who gives them grief cause that's his job!

5. does your self insert have any special powers or abilities?

Yes! She, even as a child, was quite receptive to magic, able to wield it quite well when it's given to her. As a child, she was not only with Noct so often to play with and be a friend, but she also helped him grow accustomed to and practice his magic. With the king's blessing, she was able to warp along with other forms of magic, but warping was her favorite. She let her magic go when she grew older, but it returned to her with the death of King Regis, much like it did for the Kingsglaive.

I suppose another power (which I wanna talk about) is that she has a decent draw stance. Evelyn's not much of a fighter, but her uncle taught her a lot about wielding his weapon of choice, a katana. He gifted her a blade of her own for her 16th birthday. She isn't the best with the blade, but it's clear by her stance and precision that she was taught by a master.

13. does your self insert have any information about their family?

Imma just give you her childhood as it pertains to family XD

Evelyn's mother was the eldest of two, and her father was an only child. Her uncle, Cor Leonis, rose quickly in the military and in status thanks to his skills, and in part because of this, her mother met her father, who was also in the military. Evelyn had one sibling, a younger brother, who was constantly in and out of the hospital since birth. Not long after her brother was born, her father left for on a mission outside of the city of Insomnia. Unfortunately, his team was never heard from and presumed dead.

All of this happened while Evelyn was too young to fully grasp everything, but her mother was distraught. Her uncle Cor helped out how he could and began taking her for a few days, then for weeks at a time.

After a few years of her living with her uncle almost more than with her own mother, her little brother died. She barely knew him, so she didn't know how to feel. Her mother couldn't take living in Insomnia anymore, though, but also realized she couldn't take care of her daughter. Not properly, at least. Cor had been taking care of Evelyn quite a bit by now. He understood her, knew she had friends (one being the prince no less), and offered to take custody. Evelyn was given the choice, and she chose to live with her uncle.

Her mother tried to write to her after leaving, but eventually the letters stopped arriving. Whether she simply stopped writing, or the mail was unable to make it through, Evelyn didn't know.

In the game, when everyone is in Lestallum, the group can help Evelyn find out more about her mother, as the last of the letters said she was there. After searching around town and talking to some locals, it is discovered that her mother passed away in a work accident at the power plant some years back. It's made clear that she always hoped her daughter would live a happy life, and she is given her mother's wedding ring; one of the only personal items left.

[siilvan]

TIME FOR MY FAVORITE GAME: SPOT EVERY MENTION OF MY HUSBAND 🩷🩷🩷

i’m so happy i convinced you to add him (AKA said ‘yes’ when you asked if you should 🤭)

in honor of you adding him… here’s a comprehensive list of my thoughts during this chapter <3

Your husband (on paper.. And in bed,nothing more! )

mhm, sure, mini... nothing more...

Group of cocky professional paintball players, Kortac members and a few little overconfident teenagers to your left.

respectfully, those kids are fucking dead 😭

“Why would your butt be sore? I didn’t smack your ass that hard last night did I?”

i wanted to chastise nikolai for being crude, but considering how content mini is (sans paintball), i think she probably enjoyed their time together last night 😏 and poor gaz, exposed once again to a convo he didn't want to hear..

Nikolai often comes over for visits since what you labelled “Contract marriage” almost a year ago. Taking you out on dates, spoiling you with gifts, giving you a damn good time in bed.  But what the two of you often do the most is, sharing a quiet meal together in your apartment.

if it looks like a marriage, sounds like a marriage, and acts like a marriage... then clearly it's just a convenient way for him to protect you, mini! (slamming my head into the wall)

What scares you the most, part of your heart actually doesn't mind it.

😏😏😏...

“Why?! Because some ass-shit is going to bruise my Lastochka’s perfect butt!!

i respect a man that has his priorities straight... protecting what's precious, aka his wife's ass 😶 also love "ass-shit" as an insult LMAO

“And that asset happens to be…?” “Your lovely ass.”

AND he's (semi) honest about it. perfect man, as always.

… and you were right when you saw your brother’s team turn up on the day, in full military gear, minus the weapons.

okay but shoutout to soap for showing up and being the best big brother 😭 he's so sweet, my heart...

“Remember, cover her ass at all costs, that is our aim today. There's a bonus for anyone who is successful in achieving the task!”

not to yuri-post too hard, but the fact that he went from being a war criminal to helping his boss/friend protect his wife in a paintball game has me writhing on the floor sobbing. sofa, you've done it again... you've unintentionally made me soft 😔

What, now your ass is a commodity for gaining bonuses?

yes, yes it is 😌

Nikolai jeered as he pulled you closer into his embrace, his protective instinct kicks in. “So, what are a bunch of second rated PMC doing here on this fine sunny day? “

i am so happy you went with "second rate" out of the insult list i gave you, it's so fucking funny LMAO

Your boss pulled you aside as everyone scattered to gear up. “I was meaning to ask… who are these people you brought along with you? And who exactly is your husband?” they asked, with fear in their voice.

*shushing her boss* shh, shhh... don't worry about it babygirl, it's fine... her husband is just a former soldier-turned PMC owner...

“You get too distracted, Commander.” Yuri warned, Nikolai opened his mouth to protest, but his second-in-command raised a hand to stop him. “Stay off your wife’s ass. She would be alright.

obligatory losing it over yuri moment, 1/3: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Yuri turned around and started barking orders towards your boss and colleagues

moment 2/3: AND I AM ON MY KNEES READY TO LISTEN LIKE A DAMN DOG 🐕

The strategies they used, stealth vs open attack, one vs one, group attack. The amount of command and communications that goes back and forth via the radio comm, you were barely able to catch up with all the military lingos.

must be nice to do all of this without any real consequences... just bruised egos (and asses) at the worst 🫠

By the time afternoon tea break came around, both teams were head to head with their score. You can sense the frustration from each side as they all glare at each other

the mental image i'm getting 😭😭

Suddenly you heard a collective gasp via the radio.

they're mourning the "protect the commander's wife's ass" bonus 😔

“Krueger? Did he accidentally shoot you?” Yuri’s voice perked up.

moment 3/3: even if he didn't, krueger's responsible for it now because yuri's always right <3 need him—

“KÖNIG.” Nikolai snarled.

rip könig, we knew ye well 🙏

you even heard your brother yelling out “FREEDOM!!! SCOTLAND FOREVER!!” at one point.

my favorite line in this whole chapter LMAOOOO

You have to admit there’s something quite alluring about seeing Nikolai in full combat gear.  Him in telnyashka, the aviator, the gold chain.

foaming at the mouth and ripping my shirt open in the rain, we desperately need more of this look in canon

The influence this man has over you is unbelievable. You turn into a very horny bitch every time he smiles at you

mini continues to be so real...

By the end of the day, everyone was basically covered with a thick layer of paint and bruises all over.

final yuri mention, but thank you for this image of him 🥰

Alternative way to achieve world peace? Why can’t every dispute in the world be solved so easily like this?

just put makarov in the paintball field, we'll fix his issues that way 😌

“Are you ok? Do you need me to take you to a hospital?”

this is so funny but also aww, i love caring nik 😭

“Well, if you want to be an exhibitionist.. Is that one of your kinks?” Nikolai raised both of his brows, curious.

for you, in that outfit... anything.

Nothing sexual here, you tell yourself. Just him trying to get a good look… until you feel his lip gently kisses your butt.

mini, honey, sweetie, you should know after a year that your husband is eternally horny for you...

“What cream? Cream that I produce naturally?” You can hear the smirk in his tone.

absolutely horrendous and god-awful flirting. i need him.

“Don’t care. Let me have a good taste of you.” he purred.

Lord.

But you got to live out that little fantasy of riding Nikolai in his gear, that is all it matters.

i am her, mini is me... being late to dinner is worth it.

Is that jealousy that you are sensing? Can’t be. You thought to yourself.

mini my love you are denser than a bag of rocks 😭

A strange tension stewing between the two of you, neither wanting to break the silence.

*cough* falling in love *cough*

“You not staying tonight?” you whispered. Unconsciously leaning into him and grabbing onto his shirt.

AAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHHH 😭😭😭

he never really likes to mention anything or even use any words related to what he does in front of you. Almost if he is scared of tainting you with the dirty words.

AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

What is this feeling? Little butterflies that you haven’t felt for quite a long time…

YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM YOU ABSOLUTE IDIOT (AFFECTIONATE)

Why is your heart aching so much if you claim you don’t love him?

so close, yet so far........

It’s a rabbit hole you wish you hadn't jumped into. But it’s too late.

too late indeed, but everything will work out in the end (i hope)! 😌

Lastochka AU - Strange battlefield

Pairing : Nikolai x F!Reader ( OC/Mini MacTavish)

Summary: Nikolai is focusing his energy too much on protecting something that is very precious to him. His wife's backside.

AU to my Lastochka series

WARNING: Mature to Explicit Theme. swearing, violence. Crack Fic. I repeat. Crack fic. don’t take it so seriously. Swearing, talk of gore, Smutty smut talks. apologise for any inaccuracies to military and paintball related. never been military nor played paintball before.

A/N : The meaningless crack plot continues.

masterlist

The tension in the air is unbearable. 

Your husband (on paper.. And in bed,nothing more! ) your brother, Task Force 141 and Unit one of Chimera and a small group of your workmates shivering in a corner on your right. 

Group of cocky professional paintball players, Kortac members and a few little overconfident teenagers to your left.

You can almost smell the bloodbath that is to come. 

You swear to heaven, you never meant for this to happen. 

You knew you should have kept quiet about it….

“Paintball??” 

“Team bonding stuff. My boss wanted us to learn to cooperate better as a team.” you rolled your eyes as you tossed the cubed up cucumber into the salad bowl.

“Sounds like fun.” Gaz commented. 

“Well, fun for you boys maybe, I never played paintball before but I saw my friends coming back with bruises and aches after the game!” you huffed as you finished dressing the salad. Picking up the phone as you move around the kitchen island and carrying the salad bowl towards the little dining table. “I don’t want to come back to work with a sore butt and can’t sit down for the rest of the week..”

“Why would your butt be sore? I didn’t smack your ass that hard last night did I?” Nikolai suddenly appeared by your side with a bottle of wine.

You let out a little scream, nearly dropping the phone. “ Nik! Fuck I didn’t even hear you coming in through the door.” you complained. Nikolai just laughed and gave you a kiss on the cheek. 

“Uh, I better let you go. I’ll goss with you later on Mini!” Gaz chuckled as he gave Nikolai a wave before ending the video call. 

Chucking the phone to the table, you pouted as Nikolai circled his arm around you, pulling you close. 

“Stop sneaking around like a ninja Nikolai. You're going to kill me one day with a heart attack!”  you chided him. “Set the table. Dinner will be ready in ten.”

Nikolai often comes over for visits since what you labelled “Contract marriage” almost a year ago. Taking you out on dates, spoiling you with gifts, giving you a damn good time in bed. 

But what the two of you often do the most is, sharing a quiet meal together in your apartment.

It feels.. Domestic. Like a married couple.

Well, the two of you ARE married. 

What scares you the most, part of your heart actually doesn't mind it. 

“So what is the deal with your butt.” he asked as he took a sip of the wine. 

“Can you let go of my butt please? It has nothing to do with my butt…sort of.” you proceed explaining to him about the team bonding event over dinner.

Nikolai was silent after you finished your spill and complaint. Which you find quite unusual. But you can almost see gears turning above his head. Knowing him and with your sixth sense you know he is up to something. 

Your hunch was right when you heard the muffling sound of him talking on the phone while you were in the shower. 

“Gather Unit one at the location next Saturday, 1000 hour, on the dot.” You overheard Nikolai growling into the phone. “Why?! Because some ass-shit is going to bruise my Lastochka’s perfect butt!! You think I will let that happen?” 

Ok, what the hell is he planning now? You frown as you scrub and wash your hair.

“Good. That is sorted. I shall contact Price about more details.” 

He is getting your brother���s team involved too? This isn’t going to end well. 

The rest of the conversation was muffled by the sound of the water as you rinsed yourself.

You decide to confront him about it as you sit on the bed, legs crossed and Nikolai carefully brushes all the knots out of your hair. 

“So what secret plan are you brewing behind my back my dear husband?” You asked, turning your head slightly, looking up at him.He shrugged his shoulder, fending innocence. “Oh, nothing much, just planning how to best spend next weekend… protecting my assets.” he replied as he gently turned your back to face the front, resuming the brushing. 

“And that asset happens to be…?”

“Your lovely ass.” 

You are pretty sure he has a serious obsession or fetish around your ass. 

“Don’t worry, Lastochka. I know what you are thinking. Everything will be fine. I promise you.” he tries to soothe your doubt, but somehow,with his track record? you just don’t believe his words. 

… and you were right when you saw your brother’s team turn up on the day, in full military gear, minus the weapons. 

“Mini!” Soap laughed as he stride towards you, lifting you up high, twirling you around before passing you down towards Ghost, Gaz and finally Price for a less dramatic greeting. 

“What are you boys doing here?!!” you asked as you smooth down the hair your brother had messed up. You already know why they are here, but you just want to get the answer out of their own mouth.

“To help you, of course.” Soap replied as he hooked his arm around your shoulder. 

“I don’t need any help. Besides, this is a company event, we don’t need professionals like you guys to… disrupt the game.” you wrinkled your nose, arguing. “And Captain, why did you agree to this!” 

“I owe Nikolai a favour.” Price tilted his head as he took a puff of his cigar,looking resigned. “Besides, it’s a great way to let out some stress and steam without killing anyone.” Price added. 

Mmmm. He does have a good point there. Can’t argue with that. 

“Ah! There’s my beautiful Lastochka!” Nikolai bellowed as he spotted you between the boys. He carefully gathers you up in his arms, dotting you with kisses. 

“Chimera! This is my Ненаглядная here.“ your cheek heated up as he introduced you to his team. “Remember, cover her ass at all costs, that is our aim today. There's a bonus for anyone who is successful in achieving the task!” The whole team cheered at Nikolai’s words. What, now your ass is a commodity for gaining bonuses? You glared at Nikolai, but he doesn’t seem to notice, still smiling proudly as he subtly grabs your ass. 

“Ass?” Ghost asked, although you couldn’t see his face, you could almost hear the confusion and frown through the voice. 

You buried your face in your hand. “Please, don’t ask.” You are too embarrassed to explain the whole story to him. Oh yes, my ass was the whole point of gathering all you elite soldiers to this child play. 

You will never admit that to them. 

“Looks like we have unexpected company.” Price ‘s voice dropped as he interrupted the conversation, looking over you and Nikolai’s shoulder at the group of people getting out of their 4wd drive. Everyone turned and frowned while you were confused. Looks like more soldiers have arrived, but why does Nikolai and everyone else seem to be quite hostile towards them?

You spotted a strange man , taller than Simon, marching towards them, full of purpose.

“Colonel.” Price nodded towards the hooded man, keeping his tone neutral. 

“Captain, Commander.” The tall man with a hood with a strong Austrian accent greeted both Price and Nikolai curtly.“Fancy to see your teams here.” 

“My exact same thought.” Nikolai jeered as he pulled you closer into his embrace, his protective instinct kicks in. “So, what are a bunch of second rated PMC doing here on this fine sunny day? “

“Well, why are a bunch of you criminals and Pommies..” 

“I AM SCOTTISH!” Soap yelled out. 

“Fine. Criminals, Pommies AND barbarian are doing here.” the hooded man asked as he rolled his eyes.

“Having fun.” Price grunted out, clearly displeased with the insult. 

“Well, if you want to make it more fun, let’s have a competition.” The hooded man suggested. He leans closer towards the two commanders. “Let’s go against each other. This should also serve as a settlement between the unresolved… dispute we have on Ishika island.”

“Deal.”

Now this is turning from a team building event into an unofficial settling of an international war dispute session? 

Your boss pulled you aside as everyone scattered to gear up.

“I was meaning to ask… who are these people you brought along with you? And who exactly is your husband?” they asked, with fear in their voice.

Soldiers and professional killers? Oh my husband is actually the leader of a PMC and ex-elite agent. OH,don’t worry, he is very nice. Sometimes.   Was what you wanted to say, but your boss probably thinks you are an utter nutcase. So instead, you patted their shoulder and reassure them everything will be fine. 

Or are you trying to reassure yourself? 

Nikolai was banned from following you around. 

“You get too distracted, Commander.” Yuri warned, Nikolai opened his mouth to protest, but his second-in-command raised a hand to stop him. “Stay off your wife’s ass. She would be alright. Iskra!” Yuri called out. “ Have Mini by your side. And make sure the Commander doesn’t get too close to her.”  

You tried unsuccessfully to stifle a giggle that was escaping your throat. It was refreshing to see Nikolai shrinking and dejected. You couldn’t help but walk up to Nikolai and give him a kiss on the cheek. His eyes brightened up instantly as your gesture comforted him. 

Yuri turned around and started barking orders towards your boss and colleagues, assigning a few of the Chimera soldiers to be their guard. 

The game was easy enough to understand. Capture the flag from your opponent’s territory and run back towards your own. It was fascinating how different both teams worked. The strategies they used, stealth vs open attack, one vs one, group attack. The amount of command and communications that goes back and forth via the radio comm, you were barely able to catch up with all the military lingos. You really see them taking this whole thing quite seriously. 

Iskra turns out to be a pretty good bodyguard and teacher. She instructs you where to hide, the best way to ambush an enemy, you even get a few shots against some of the cocky teenagers and professional soldiers. You are starting to have a bit of fun too. 

By the time afternoon tea break came around, both teams were head to head with their score. You can sense the frustration from each side as they all glare at each other as they replenish themselves. 

Your luck eventually ran out when you felt your energy and concentration level started to wane in the late afternoon. 

Iskra and you were dashing between the obstacles, trying to get closer towards the enemy base as the others were doing their best to create diversions. As you were about to dash behind a boulder, you felt something hitting your butt,making you let out a yelp as you felt the intense pain that followed split seconds later. Iskra turned her head and looked at you, eyes wide. You pushed her towards the fence as you caught a glimpse of the gun raised again, taking aim at her. Both of you dodged in time as you saw the splash of paint landed on the ground. 

“Sitrep,little bird.” as if on cue, Nikolai’s voice crackles through the comm. 

“I am out for the round. Got hit on the butt.” you reported back as you limped towards the dead area. 

Suddenly you heard a collective gasp via the radio.

“.... WHO.” Nikolai growled. You can almost feel his anger emitting through comm.

“Um. I am not sure, but I caught a glimpse of a guy with a hood over his face…” you tried hard to recall as you sat down gingerly on the bench in the dead area, overlooking the whole field.

“Krueger? Did he accidentally shoot you?” Yuri’s voice perked up.

“No, he was in front of me at the time.. Definitely not him.” 

Then there’s only one other possibility… 

A string of curses in both English and Russian flowed out of Nikolai’s mouth. Oh, this is bad..…. 

“KÖNIG.” Nikolai snarled. “Those Kortac trash is going to pay for this. For damaging my Lastochka’s delicate butt. CHIMERA! ON MY COMMAND!!” 

Everything just descended into chaos afterwards. Rules were practically ignored, flags ignored, both sides just charged at each other, countless rounds of paintballs fired. Screaming, yelping, cursing in every language possible could be heard across the field. 

You swear you even heard your brother yelling out “FREEDOM!!! SCOTLAND FOREVER!!” at one point. 

You also noticed something as you sat and watched from the sideline, nurse your very sore ass. This is probably going to be the closest thing you will see your brother and friends in action. Showing their impeccable skills as elite soldiers. 

And there’s your hus..husband ( you mentally clear your throat as you are still getting used to that word after a year.) 

You have to admit there’s something quite alluring about seeing Nikolai in full combat gear.  Him in telnyashka, the aviator, the gold chain. 

The sudden urge of dragging him into the bush and fuck him is quite strong. 

The influence this man has over you is unbelievable. You turn into a very horny bitch every time he smiles at you, bickering and bantering about something insignificant. 

What the hell is wrong with you? You shook your head, trying not to think too much. You are here to enjoy the day out with your workmates, friends and family and even with the unexpected group of soldiers, not to have a philosophical reflection about your love life. 

By the end of the day, everyone was basically covered with a thick layer of paint and bruises all over. 

Strangely enough,everyone’s shoulders were relaxed and smiles across their faces as they walked off the field. Even your colleagues, as scared as they were at the beginning of the day, were cracking a few jokes and mingling around with the soldiers. 

Maybe Price was right, maybe this is a good way to get everyone to let out stress without all the actual bloodshed.

Alternative way to achieve world peace? Why can’t every dispute in the world be solved so easily like this? You lamented. 

“Lastochka!” Nikolai yelled out as he hurried towards you. He fretted as he helped you to pull off all the protective gears. “Are you ok? Do you need me to take you to a hospital?” 

You closed your eyes and sighed before you replied to him. “Nikolai, I was shot in the butt by a paintball. Not some live rounds. I think I should be fine.” you dimisses him. 

“I gotta check.” he frowned. Refuse to believe your words.

“What, right here?” you hissed. “Well, if you want to be an exhibitionist.. Is that one of your kinks?” Nikolai raised both of his brows, curious.

“Fuck no! Especially not right in front of my boss and my brother!!” You semi-yelled, attracting a few strange looks from the others. Not wanting to cause a scene, you lower your voice as you drag him towards his car, “Let’s get back to the car, and you can. Um. Inspect, if you are that worried.” 

After making sure no one else was looking on, you open the back passenger door, acting as a screen barrier just in case anyone walks by. You hissed as you pulled your pants down slightly, and turned around to try to get a good look at your injury.  A huge purple patch is already forming all over your butt cheek, and you know it’s going to hurt even more in the next few days.  

“Bend over, let me have a good look too.” Nikolai commanded, as he lightly pushed you into the backseat. Nothing sexual here, you tell yourself. Just him trying to get a good look… until you feel his lip gently kisses your butt. Your breath hitched. 

“My poor precious Lastochka.. Look at your beautiful ass..must have hurt a lot when you got hit…” his tone hardens as he recalls the incident. “ someone should be reprimanded for their incompetence in protecting you.. “  

“For fucks sake, Nikolai, it’s only a game! My butt isn’t destroyed forever, the bruise should fade away within a week or two. I can just put some creams on.” you chastised him for his unreasonable logic.

“What cream? Cream that I produce naturally?” You can hear the smirk in his tone. 

“Some PHARMACEUTICAL cream Thank you very much.” You replied with an inexpressive tone as you were ready to get up and pull your pants back up, but you felt his hand pressing you down again, slightly with more force. 

“Come on, We are going to be late to the pub dinner…” you stopped mid sentence as you felt him kissing your butt again as he slid a finger between your legs. You stifled another moan as he lowered himself a bit further, his mouth joining his fingers. 

“Don’t care. Let me have a good taste of you.” he purred. “Besides, there are studies of production of oxytocin that can help with lessening the pain and healing…” 

Oh now we are talking about science during sex? How arousing. 

“Well, stop talking about scientific studies, and get on with the experiment then, Commander.” you hummed, resigned. You know once he starts, he isn’t going to stop.

He did in fact incite a lot of oxytocin out of you, and apply some “natural” cream inside you, as you grip tight onto his shoulder, slowly riding him in the backseat of the car, him gently cupping your injured butt cheek as he try to distract you from the pain, sucking and biting lightly on your nipple. 

Two of you did end up getting to the pub a bit later than scheduled, causing a few raised eyebrows and teasing. But you got to live out that little fantasy of riding Nikolai in his gear, that is all it matters. Right? 

“Sorry about your injury Mini.” König apologised as the group of you stood outside the pub at the end of night. 

Nikolai let out a growl, but you just gave him an elbow in the stomach, keeping him quiet. “Be civil.” you turned back towards König with a smile plastered on your face. “Ah, no harm done. The bruises will heal. And thanks for your grandma’s apple strudel recipe!” you waved to him as he left with the rest of the team. 

“You two exchanged recipes?” Nikolai frowned, a hint of concern in and jealousy sipped through this voice. 

Nodding your head excitedly, you showed some pictures on the phone. “Turns out he is really good at baking, he even suggested joining the baking forum he is in that shares a lot of traditional recipes from around the world. I’m so excited to try it out!” 

He let out a snort through his nose, mumbling something underneath this breath, pouting like a toddler who had his toys taken away from him. Is that jealousy that you are sensing? Can’t be. You thought to yourself. 

He was pretty quiet in the car on the way home, one hand grasping yours, not letting it go. 

A strange tension stewing between the two of you, neither wanting to break the silence. 

“I’ll see you in a few weeks time, precious little bird.” He murmured into your ear after walking you to the door of your apartment.

Turning around to face him, your eyes widened, “You not staying tonight?” you whispered. Unconsciously leaning into him and grabbing onto his shirt. 

“I’m sorry little bird… We have to fly out early tomorrow morning for a few.. businesses. I’ll see you when we get back.” he apologises, eyes softened as he caresses your hair. You know what he does for a living, but you have noticed he never really likes to mention anything or even use any words related to what he does in front of you. Almost if he is scared of tainting you with the dirty words. 

So you were actually quite surprised that he dragged one of his units out today for a little civilian war game, just for you. 

What is this feeling? Little butterflies that you haven’t felt for quite a long time… 

“I feel bad… your team had to come out when you have work to attend to tomorrow..” you apologised, feeling very guilt ridden all of sudden. He patted your back and kissed your head. 

“They didn’t mind. I would be sending out another unit anyway so they will get plenty of rest.” he reassures you. “Now go in. get some rest. I will see you soon.”

Giving you one last soft kiss on the lip before parting, he turned and left the apartment. 

You stood by your front door, watching him leave, until he disappeared around the corner towards the bottom of the stairs. Why is your heart aching so much if you claim you don’t love him? Everytime you see him off. There’s that panic and fear that you will never see him again. Kill on the battlefield. 

It’s a rabbit hole you wish you hadn't jumped into.

But it’s too late. 

@homicidal-slvt @nrdmssgs @siilvan @roosterr

@preciouslittlecreature @bravosierra6

@gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot

@whydoilikewhump

@alypink

@ashwasherelol

@okayyadriana @merkitty49 @liyanahelena @abbeyrjm-blog @miyabilicious @caramlizedtomatoes @deadbranch @celshideout 

[hyuckilstan]

Look bestie, idk if hard hours are open but whatever, you'll read it when you read it.

I am frothing how seonghwa/hongjoong/yunho...actually I'll include San & jongho as well, how they would all love it when their partners are shy & embarrassed. It has me thinking thoughts!

I'll have thoughts come up about the others but right now I'm just imaging how Yunho would make the perfect 'first bf' because I think he would just be excited to be your first & he would just make you feel so special about yourself. I think he would tease the absolutely loving heck out of you whilst doing it, 'aww you look so cute when you blush for me'.

Imagine when you start getting intimate with him and you're like undressing & you're covering yourself because it's all new for you, he would just look at you with those puppy dog eyes and rub shoulders & say in a soothing manner, 'you have a beautiful body bunny, let me see all of it'.

Plus, when you've grown more confident with him, he would definitely use it as a way to humiliate you, just imagine you're pinned underneath him & you're all red in the face because even though you've been together a long time, you're still self-conscious. He would look down at you and coo at you in a mocking tone, 'aww is my sweet bunny still shy after all this time? Maybe I need to f*ck the embarrassment out of you mmh?'

Hard thoughts are always open bestie<3

And yes to elaborate on this more cause yk what as I am reading this I’m feeling something and I’ll talk about Yunho cause this ask just screams Yunho, I mean it kinda does but yes

Also I enjoyed this sm omg I just wrote whatever came to mind as I saw it

Yunho is def the type to enjoy how you blush for him or how you get all flustered even when he leans closer, and this little shit would make you even more flustered by holding your face by the jaw, leaning in closer, but then he’ll be like “You got sauce here,” you would be so embarrassed in a way he enjoys so much, when he sees your expression he’ll just giggle and prob lick the sauce leaving you even more flustered 😳

He’s the type of boyfriend who takes you to an amusement park and winning all kind of gifts for you even if you say its enough, cooking for you even though he doesn’t do it often, spoiling you with all his attention, love and affection and oh my those puppy eyes as he watches you try on the outfits he bought you are to die for.

He is just really good to you, makes you feel so loved and precious(although he loves to be a little shit), it makes you fall in love all over again, its just that he’s good at everything he does it surprises you, that also means that he is also really REALLY good in bed there’s no way to exaggerate it enough

If some things are a first for you, he will absolutely make sure to take his time with you so that you can enjoy it, he would be so patient, like you getting shy at the first time undressing for him, he will make it his top priority to make sure you are perfect to him, by saying things like “Oh love you don’t have to hide what a piece of art you are, so beautiful,” as his hands travel around your body.

I feel like the more you get comfortable in the relationship, the more Yunho gets less vanilla, sure he has his moments but he cannot count how much he just wishes to ruin you, but he will always consider how you could feel first, so he would just size train you so that you can take him properly because come on, this guy knows he is big the least he would want is to hurt you.

Once he sees you are ready for more than just his fingers or tongue, (also prob because I believe this man has a corruption kink), he would be so rough with you, yet always thinking of your own pleasure even if he doesn’t go easy on you.

You would probably have even discovered some kinks on the course of your relationship, and he would love to use them on you, he would also love to degrade you, making you feel even more smaller than him than usual

Like imagine him pinning you down on the bed, staring you with such lust in his eyes, just wanting to ruin you, smirking as whimper leaves your mouth, he would coo at you with fake sympathy, “Aww baby, sorry about that, but bad girls get punishment if they did something wrong, so you can’t blame me for what you get tonight, because what do good girls do?”

“Take their punishments obediently” you would reply with a small whimper and he would just smile innocently

“And what did you do to get punishment my pretty little slut?” he would tease further to make sure you get flustered.

“Play with myself without your permission...” you would respond as your cheeks would be tinted pink.

“Good girl, you’re already learning, now, I’m gonna fuck that brat out of you got it?”

With that sentence you already know

Its gonna be a long ass night

[rainyearning]

unavernales​:

“mhmm, no wonder it smells like shit…” serghei half jokes, though his pickiness when it came to food and drink was nearly infamous. he takes a decent sip and hisses like he’s just gulped straight bourbon. at the mention of foul breath, he breathes out into his palm and sniffs. a poor examination, honestly. serghei’s breath perpetually smelled like cigarettes. “maybe?” at the mention of getting noori wet, the dhampir sits up straighter, slinging an arm over the back of his kitten’s chair. “having my kitten self lubricate is a must…” his eyes drag along noori, then. thoughts too filthy to even notice that his cat’s having a standoff with sujin’s pet. “having him in heat sounds… promising. maybe we’ll give it a go once, yeah? if it’s too much of a hassle for him we’ll report back.” his eyes dart to kieran, then. “what about your puppy? how’s his heats? logistically speaking. no need for details.” because he can only assume kieran gets them, knowing sujin. sure, the witch was a business partner, but he was also a friend. serghei was comfortable speaking frankly. in all his years, serghei hadn’t ever fucked a hybrid in heat, and although he can have an infinite amount of dirty fantasies regarding noori being sopping wet and begging to be bred til he’s drooling, he doesn’t really have a grasp on the practical aspects of it.

if kieran weren’t engaged in mental warfare with noori, he would be a blushing mess over the subject matter being discussed. “what are ye? if ye not a pet?” such a specification genuinely confused him. “collars come in all sorts of colors. i wear this one when we have guests, and master made sure me outfit matches it so i don’t look silly.” he loves to brag about sujin’s attention to detail. at the mere mention of walks, kieran’s tail can’t help but wag. “me and master go on walkies every day. i can go by meself, but i like it best when we go together.” he nods, sure and proud. he furrows his brow at the second question, nearly yipping. “course i know how to use a toilet! do ye have to use a litter box? i bet ye scratch up the furniture. i don’t ever do that.” chewing it, however… “ye smell weird. cats don’t take baths, do they? they don’t like the water. tha’s silly to me. wha’s a little water going to do to ye?”

“Shit that might save you from gaining some gray hairs, my friend.” Sujin surely isn’t insulted by the words. He spent plenty of time with the other man, knowing the type of person he was, how he would speak his mid with whatever words he considered fitting, no matter how hurtful they could be considered. “No foul breath.” Noori may seem mostly focused on that damn dog, but he was always good at having his attention everywhere. How should one be prepared for any kind of gossip when they didn’t have their ears everywhere. His eyes remained glued to Kieran, which caused the witch to chuckle. “Observant little kitten.” Sujins amused voice simply caused Noori to snort softly. Sujin was aware of the little standoff but he chose to not interfere. For now, the cats claws weren’t anywhere his precious little pup and so he could remain calm, just doing his job. “My little one is just adorable when he’s in heat.” There is an adoring way Sujin watches the pup. While he was his master it was obvious that he did truly care for the lycan, that he didn’t just see him for the sexual aspect of having the most perfect pet for his petplay kink. “He gets them once a month. Hits him like a brick wall. All he wants is to be fucked and bred.” Sujins lips purse. “I am sure you would enjoy your kitten in heat. He might just present himself to you all day long, asking to be bred.” There was a grin on Sujins lips, shoulder shrugging as if he wasn’t talking about something weird like causing young men to go into heat. “You should test it. But I am also fair and will inform you that heat can be stressful for those in heat. I am pampering Kieran a lot when he is going through his. Had him cry in frustration and over sensitivity a few times and I really didn’t like that too much.” once more his hand moved to fluffy ears in an adoring way, gently rubbing at them while walking past the table. Noori had to admit heat sounded.. weird. But he was open minded and he would try it. For Serghei. There was something about this heat situation thhat made it sound like it could be a bit humiliating on his side.. but what if he missed out on fun when turning it down? “I’m his boyfriend.” As if that wasn’t an obvious fact he just shakes his head some, giving this Kieran pup a look as if the wolf was the most stupid person he ever talked to. Indeed Noori was wearing a thin, tight necklace around his neck right now that could be considered a collar, just Noori hadn't seen it as one so far. Serghei had gifted it to him a while back, asking him to wear it. Oh was he wearing a damn collar? “I don’t use a litter box.”And he felt it was best to not reply about scratching up the furniture, i was his way to relief stress, he wasn’t going to let this mutt judge him for that. Shortly he looked at black and golden nails, Farrah had manicured them a few days ago. “For your information, I hate feeling heavy.” Okay maybe he avoided a tub of water whenever he could, but he showered, he was clan. He was washing himself a few times a day when not spraying all kinds of nice perfumes on his body. “Water is just fine.” Again Noori snorted. Maybe he couldn't swim, so what? “So is master playing fetch with you? He gives you little balls and chewing toys to play with so you’re a good boy for him?” Now his tone was mocking but really, when the other was attacking his aversion of water he felt like he had all the rights to be as mocking as that.

[xoxo-teddybear]

Heyo! I'm a REALLY REALLY REALLY! Big fan of angst and your works, so I have a suggestion! So like, in this au Bakugou and Y/N are aged up and they have a daughter (let's just say her name is either Katsumi or Kirumi). So, the child is 4 years old and she didn't get her quirk yet. Let's just say Bakugou got drunk when his friends dragged him to a bar and this woman decided to hit him up and let's just say he cheated- so Y/N found out because kiri just had to tell her because it wasn't manly at all for him to keep a secret and Y/N left him with his child and boom! Bad ending. Please tag me in this one tyy!

Bet.

(Changed it up the slightest bit to make Katsumi remember bc I kinda wanna do a part 2 for this)

Nobody to Blame but Yourself - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: ANGST, cursing, cheating, alcohol consumption

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Pt.1 Pt.2

You have a small, beautiful family. Your loving husband, Katsuki and your adorable daughter, 5 year old Katsumi.

Katsumi was your precious baby girl. She had Katsuki’s ash blonde hair with your silky smooth hair texture. She had your E/C eyes and Katsuki’s porcelain skin. She had Katsuki’s bravery and boldness along with your kindness and compassion. She was a perfect mix of you both.

Y/N and Katsuki have been together ever since their childhood. Their families were close and they grew up together. Katsuki always swore to protect his princess. They got together in their junior year and about 5 years after they graduated from UA high, Katsuki proposed.

—

—

“Be back soon, okay Suki?” You sweetly said to your husband as he got closer to the door. He pulled you in with a smile and pecked your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah Teddy Bear. I’ll probably be back sooner than you think, don’t even wanna go with those losers.” He complained with a strained face. You giggled at his expression and went on.

“Those losers have been your best friends since high school. You love them. You know you do,” you teased. “Besides, you haven’t spent some time with them in forever.”

“Yeah Y/N. I’m a husband and a dad. I don’t need to be around my friends, I need to be with my family.” He exclaimed with a playful voice.

“Well your family will still be here when you get back. Just as long as you always come back to us too.” You said with a wink.

“Always will Teddy Bear.” He said holding you tight. He held you close until you both heard the little pitter patter of feet running to the front door. You both looked down and saw your daughter in her pjs and watched as she jumped onto Katsuki.

“Be back soon daddy!” She said with a squeal. Katsumi was definitely a daddy’s girl. Her and her father were attached at the hip the second she was born. They were best friends and you loved their father-daughter dynamic.

“Katsumi, you’re supposed to be sleeping, love.” You said with a chuckled as you held her tiny hand while Katsuki picked her up in his arms.

“I wanted to say bye to daddy before he went to see uncle Kiri! And uncle Denki and uncle Sero and Auntie Mina!” She said and watched as you and Bakugou lip synced to her voice as she said the Bakusquad’s names. She laughed at her parent’s teasing as Katsuki assaulted her in kisses.

“That’s sweet baby bear. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon. So get to bed you brat,” Bakugou said as he placed his daughter down and ruffled her hair. Others would look down on the rough treatment but you knew Katsumi never took it seriously. She always laughed and played back with Katsuki whenever he put on his ‘mean guy act.’

“M’kay.” Katsuki bent down to kiss her cheek and you followed doing the same action before Katsumi ran back off to her room. You and Katsuki said bye to each other after Katsuki gave you a loving kiss. He walked out the door to meet with his friends as he knew he was in for a long night.

It would soon shock him to see how true that statement would be.

—

The night was going well. Katsuki left around 8:30 and he said he would be back sooner than you thought so considering he was now a family man, you thought he’d be back by midnight. However, you woke up in the middle of the night and saw it was 3 in the morning...and he still wasn’t home. You were starting to get worried now.

If this was back in your earlier years of marriage, you’d say this was okay. Not great but okay, except now, Katsuki has responsibilities and promises that he vowed to keep. He should’ve been home a long time ago. Where was he? You stayed up deciding to sit and wait for him to come home and after almost 2 hours, your phone rang.

You picked it up quickly with a little bit of fear and anger sitting in your stomach. You didn’t even bother to check who it was so when you heard the voice of your husband’s best friend instead of Katsuki, you grew concerned.

“Katsuki! Where are you?!” You asked with worry as you slightly shouted into the phone.

“Hey Y/N..... It’s Kirishima. Umm...I have something to tell you.” He said with sadness detected in his voice.

“Kiri? Is everything alright? Wheres Katsuki?” You asked.

“I’m so sorry Y/N...”

Listening to the red head’s voice made your eyes pop. Your body trembled and tears began to pool in your eyes as you shook your head in denial. Katsuki loved you. You both had a daughter! A family! He would never....he wouldn’t....right? After talking to your friend for some time and getting the crucial information you needed, you made up your mind on what you had to do.

“T-Thank you, Kirishima. Goodnight.” You said into the phone with a hiccup.

“I’m sorry Y/N. You don’t deserve this. You and Katsumi....goodnight.” He said and hung up the phone. You placed it down and sat in silence for a moment. After about a minute, you broke down again and cried into your hands. You sobbed as tears flowed down your cheeks. Rivers of heartbreak and anger streamed down your face as you cried the night away.

Well..you couldn’t cry all night. Katsuki would probably be back in the morning and you had plans. You’d have to save your tears for later. You looked at the time.

4:18 a.m.

You set your alarm for 6 and went back to bed. The whole night, all you could think about was your precious baby girl. This was going to break her little heart. Instead of crying over your husband’s betrayal, you wept for your daughter’s future without her best friend. Eventually you cried yourself to sleep and the sun rose in time.

—

10:00 a.m

Katsuki opened his eyes to the alarm on the nightstand. He yawned a bit before adjusting his eyes to morning light. The more he looked at the stand, the more he realized he didn’t recognize it. Nor the alarm clock. He looked around and noticed he wasn’t in his bedroom. Katsuki shot up and sat on the bed and looked down to notice he was completely undressed. He looked to the side and saw some random woman. A complete stranger who was also naked in bed with him. His heart grew rapid as his eyes grew frantic.

“No, no, no, no, no, no this can’t be happening..this can’t be happening!” Katsuki said as his hands found way to his hair as he tugged on the blonde locks. The woman next to him awoken to his shuffling and smiled up at him. She placed her hand on his bare chest and cuddled in close to him as she sighed in content.

“G’morning handsome. Had a fun night?” She teased, reminding him of his affair and unloyal actions.

“Get the fuck off me!” He said as he jumped out of bed and found his pants. He pulled them on and continued to scream. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! The hell did you do to me you fucking slut?”

“What’re you talking about? And who the fuck are you calling a slut?” The woman said with sass.

“Just tell me where I am!” Katsuki demanded.

“A hotel! You know, the hotel you dragged me to so you could get your dick wet.” She said as she sat up from the bed but still covered herself with the blanket.

“Why the fuck would I do that?!” He screamed.

“You tell me. All I know is that I saw you in that bar, you drank a hell of a lot with your friends, I came up to you and flirted with you, you flirted back, we shared a few more drinks, and you dragged me here. I mean, I consented of course but still.” The stranger explained. Bakugou shook as he looked around in a frenzy. “Anyway, round 2?”

“You fucking bitch, I have a wife!” He screamed at her as he got himself dressed.

“Heh, wow. Well when your wife leaves you after she finds out you cheated, give me a call.” The woman said as she layed back down on the bed. Katsuki seethed at her as he squinted his eyes in disgust.

“You shameless slut. Like hell I will! And Y/N’s not gonna leave me! She loves me! And I love her-“

“Sure didn’t seem like it last night~” the woman said. Bakugou had enough and blasted the bed she was on with his quirk before cussing her out and leaving her there. He quickly ran out the hotel and found his car. He hopped inside and started it as he quickly sped off home.

“Shit!” Bakugou screamed at himself. How could he do that?! How could he cheat on you?! You were his everything! You and Katsumi! His two girls were his entire world! And he betrayed the both of you by doing this. He could only hope that you wouldn’t find out. He can’t tell you what he did. He would lose you! He can’t lost you! This whole thing just has to pass over and things will be fine. Right? Well something didn’t sit right with him as he inched closer and closer to his house.

—

When the 6 o’clock alarm rang, you woke up, ready for the day to begin and the drama to unfold. You were quick to get yourself ready. Brush your teeth, shower, get dressed, a little makeup, and you packed your important belongings and your clothes. Everything else would be replaceable. You put on a pair of shoes and put the rest in the large suitcase you had.

You made a quick call to Mina, assuming she already knew what happened. You asked if you could drop Katsumi off for some time and she of course said yes. After saying ‘thank you,’ you brought all your bags into your car and went back inside to get your daughter.

You walked into your daughter’s bedroom to see her sleeping peacefully. Next to her bed, a framed picture of your once happy family. It was Katsumi’s 4th birthday and she didn’t want to spend it with anybody else except for Mommy and Daddy. Now, you were gonna have to take someone out the picture. You shook your daughter awake and watched as she opened her beautiful E/C eyes that resembled your own.

“Katsumi..hey baby, wake up.” You softly said with a reassuring smile to not alarm her. You watched as she rubbed her eyes with her tiny fist and looked up at you.

“Mommy? What’s going on?” She asked as she looked around in a daze.

“You’re gonna have a little play date at Auntie Mina and Uncle Kiri’s house. Uncle Denki and Uncle Sero will be there too! You excited?” You asked with enthusiasm to hide your pain.

“Really Mommy?!” Your daughter asked with excitement.

“Mhm! Get ready and get dressed for Mommy. They’ll be here at 8, okay?” You said rubbing your daughter’s back before she quickly jumped out of bed and into her own bathroom.

“Okay Mommy!” She said as she ran into the bathroom, turning on the sink to begin her morning routine. Some time passed and Katsumi got dressed and you went back in her room to help her dry her hair. You helped her put on her shoes and by the time they were on, Mina and Kiri were already at the door.

You opened it with a soft smile and the couple looked at you with supportive, sad eyes. “Hey guys..”

“It’s okay to be sad Y/N, we’re here for you.” Mina said. Your eyes teared up at her words but you shook your head and gave her a hug.

“Thank you, but I promise myself I wouldn’t cry. At least, not when Katsumi’s around. I gotta be strong for her. Her whole life’s about to change after all.” You sadly said as you looked down and released your hold on Mina. Your pink friend nodded before walking into the house to find Katsumi in her bedroom. You and Kirishima stayed at the door and talked a bit more.

“I’m so sorry for all of this Y/N. I should’ve been watching him more.” Kirishima said as he looked down in sorrow.

“Kiri, you shouldn’t have to watch him. He cheated and that was his choice. Your choice was being a true friend and telling me. A true man,” you joked. You both gave a little bittersweet laugh before calming down again. “Thank you so much Kirishima.”

The red head did nothing but pull you in for a tight hug. You almost cried on his shoulder before your daughter came to the both of you. “Uncle Kiri!”

You both separated and looked down at the excited 5 year old. She jumped onto her uncle and he happily held her in his arms. “Hey squirt. Ready for a day full of fun?”

“Mhm!” Katsumi replied. You all talked some more before Katsumi said her goodbye to you and went off with Kirishima and Mina. You shut the door and took a break as you allowed a few silent tears to drop. You wiped them away and went to pack your daughter’s bags. Just a few more hours and he’d be home..probably. All you knew was that you’d have to face him eventually.

Finally, you finished packing your daughter’s things and placed them in your car. You put on a jacket and waited for Katsuki to walk through the doors. Soon, this perfect little family would go crumbling to the ground.

—

Katsuki pulled into his driveway and his eyes took notice of your car still there. He smiled at the sight and quickly got out of the car. He slammed the vehicle door shut and ran to the entrance. He unlocked the door in a rush and to say he was happy to see you on the couch, still there, was an understatement.

“Y/N! Hey Teddy Bear! I am so sorry!” He said as he ran to you and sat down next to you on the couch, pulling you in for a tight hug. He was too happy to even notice your jacket and shoes that you wore.

“Katsuki, you were gone all night. Where were you?” You said in a soft voice as you placed your hand on his chest so you could face him.

“I-..I overdid it and spent the night at Kirishima’s. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you, love. I was passed out the whole night.” He said and attempted to pull you in again but you pressed a hand to his chest to stop him. You couldn’t believe he was going to lie to you. Actually, now that you think about it, cheating wasn’t below him so why would lying be either?

“So why didn’t Kirishima call me? Or Mina?” You questioned. Unfortunately, you underestimated Katsuki’s quick tongue. He was a good liar, and if you hadn’t already known the truth, you’d probably believe him.

“Shitty hair’s phone died and Alien girl was asleep by the time we got back. By the time he put me in the guest bed, I knocked out so don’t asked me what happened after.” He said. Your anger and fury grew at his lies but he didn’t notice. “Look, I’m so sorry I came back so late but I can make it up to you Teddy Bear. Now would you just give me a hu-“

“SHUT! UP!” You screamed as you pushed him off of you. You stood up from the couch and Bakugou watched you in “confusion.” Bakugou felt his heart racing as he had a guess at why you were so mad but he refused to believe it.

“T-Teddy Bear, whats wrong?” He asked with shaky hands as he tried to reach out to you but you dodged all his attempts.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! You’re fucking lying to me! You’re lying to me after doing what you did! Katsuki, are you just gonna act like you don’t know what you did?! Because I know! So why don’t you?!” You screamed at him. Bakugou still couldn’t believe you knew so he tried his soft attempts once more and reached out to you again.

“Baby, please calm dow-“

“Are you fucking serious Katsuki? You’re gonna tell me to calm down?!” You laughed out in disbelief. You watched as Katsuki’s lip began to tremble and he looked down in shame. “Say it.”

“What?” He spoke softly.

“Say what you did.”

“......”

“Say it Katsuki! Tell me what you did and how you betrayed not only me but your daughter too.” You specified. It took Bakugou a second before he spoke up in a soft, quiet voice.

“I cheated on you...”

“Louder.”

“I cheated on you!” He said while standing up and facing you with tears in his eyes. “I cheated on you! Okay?! I got drunk last night and slept with someone else but baby I swear I didn’t mean it!” He said as he walked to you and tried to hold you. You once again pushed his hands away before speaking back.

“It doesn’t matter if you meant it or not Katsuki! You still did it!” Your voice grew dry as it began to break. Your eyes pooled with tears as you continued. “I would’ve NEVER done that to you. I wouldn’t even be CAPABLE of doing that to you Katsuki! Because I love you!”

“I love you Y/N! I swear I do!” He fought back but you retaliated.

“It doesn’t seem like it! Because you slept with someone else! You promised me you would never hurt me. You promised you would always protect me. You promised me that you loved me and only me! Not only that but you promised your daughter that you would never bring harm to her! Guess what?! You’re the reason her whole life is going to be so fucked Katsuki! Do you realize that?!” You screamed at him.

“I do, Teddy Bear, I do!” He said.

“Don’t fucking call me that Katsuki!” You said with an exasperated voice. Bakugou shook his head as he walked to you and kneeled infront of you.

“Baby, please! I’m sorry! I was drunk, it didn’t mean anything! It was a mistake but if we can forget about this I promise I’ll make it up to you!” He begged.

“Forget? Forget?! Are you insane?! I’m never gonna be able to forget any of this Katsuki. How the hell am I supposed to forget that my first friend, my first love, my first kiss, my first everything betrayed me like this! How am I supposed to forget that my husband, who I’ve known since we were fucking babies, cheated on me?! Tell me!” You said as the tears finally fell.

“I don’t know...I don’t know but I promise I can make it up to you! So please forgive me! Please stay!” He pleaded. The whole time he couldn’t let go of you. Every time you pushed him off, he just came right back.

“How am I supposed to trust that you’ll actually keep that promise?” You said softly with a sad voice. “If it wasn’t clear already, I’m not staying. We’re getting a divorce, Katsuki.”

Bakugou felt his heart shatter. He looked at you with his trembling body and shaky irises. “W-What?”

“Katsuki...you cheated. There’s no other way around it. No explanations or excuses. And you can’t even blame it on the alcohol because I’ve been blackout drunk before too and the idea of cheating on you never even crossed my mind. You have nobody to blame but yourself.” You said with a broken voice and a shrug. “We’re getting a divorce and I’m taking Katsumi with me.” You said and began to walk to the door.

Bakugou couldn’t believe what he just heard and so he got up from his knees and ran after you. He ran in front of you and held you by the shoulders. “What?! No! Baby!! Please, that’s my daughter! You can’t just take her from me, please!”

“I won’t be taking her from you,” you said and pushed his hands off your shoulders. “We can co-parent, but when she’s old enough, when Katsumi asks why we’re no longer together, I’ll be telling her the truth. So you can still see her, but when she’s ready to know, if she decides she hates you and doesn’t want to see you ever again, then you’ll have to accept it.”

At this point, Katsuki began to openly cry as he allowed his fat tears to flow down his face. Hiccups left his mouth as he shamelessly sobbed infront of you. “Y-Y/N....please don’t go. You guys are my family, you’re both my entire world..I-I love you both so much,” he said and went in to grab your hand, which you allowed. “I know I hurt you both a-and I know I fucked up, but please just give me another chance. I swear this was just a mistake, I never meant to do it. Please stay...please let me fix my mistake. I love you.”

Tears once again filled your eyes but you didn’t allow them to flow. “.....I love you too Katsuki,” at those words, Bakugou felt a bit of hope. “But I just can’t stay with you. If it was just me..I probably would give you another chance..but Katsumi is your daughter Katsuki. She’s your own flesh and blood and you betrayed her. You’re supposed to be her hero and you betrayed her like this. I just can’t trust the fact that you won’t do something like this again, and not just for my sake but for our daughter’s too. I’m sorry, but this is where we end.”

Once you said that you walked away from Bakugou, leaving him in shock. He stood there, regretting everything. Not just his mistake, but all the times where he could’ve been a better husband.

‘I should’ve held her more..I should’ve been home more...I should’ve been more for them,’ he thought until he heard the door open and slam shut. He turned to face it and looked around the now very empty house. He allowed silent tears to drip down his face and then he took a little tour of his new environment.

He walked to the master bedroom and saw all your belongings gone. He saw your closet was empty, all your shoes gone. He went into the bathroom and saw all your stuff was missing. The tears flowed faster and when he walked into his daughter’s room, it made it 10x worse.

He opened the door to the pink room and saw her bedsheets missing, all her toys gone, her closet was barren, and her bathroom was hollow. He walked back out to his little girl’s former bed and sat down. He cried on the bed and sobbed into his hands. He broke down as he thought back to your words. You were right.

‘You have nobody to blame but yourself.’

Katsuki looked up from his hands and when he did, he took notice of the picture frame that was left faced down on the night stand. He picked it up and his heart turned to dust. It couldn’t break anymore. He looked at the picture of his once happy family. His beautiful wife, his blessing of a daughter. His two girls who had a protector...that protector was supposed to be him...and he failed. He smiled at the picture but continued to cry. It was a beautiful sight but you left it behind.

He took the picture with him as he walked to his bedroom. He sat on the bed and held the frame close to his chest as he layed down on the cold mattress. Tears still freely fell as a shadow casted over his eyes. No words could be said except for a few.

“N-Nobody to blame but myself.”

@darl1ngmei

A/N: Hey Cubs! It’s been awhile since my requests have been closed AND THEY STILL ARE but the reason why I took this one was because I’ve been on a writing spree recently (I literally have 15 drafts full of different writing pieces🤣) and I rly liked this request! Please don’t start sending requests because they may just get lost. When I open up my requests, then you guys can send some because I love to satisfy! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this piece and thank you to the cub who requested this! 🧸💗

[apiratecalledav]

As requested, my Stranger Things season 4 thoughts. Spoilers, obviously.

Overall, I think it’s pretty awesome and the strongest season since the first, but there’s some worrying things plus a bit that I’m really peeved about.

The Good:

I’m digging the longer episodes. I normally hate over an hour (Thank you, ADHD) but I’ve been desperate for content for so long, that it’s just been glorious. The finale is supposed to be over two hours, though. That might be a bit rough.  

I was worried they were going to try to redeem Brenner or retcon that he’s always been disgusting but I think I like the direction it’s going. I do hope they reveal how he survived though.

Every time El called Hopper “my dad” added a year to my life. Millie continues to knock it out of the park.

El, Jonathan, and Will being sibs. My heart is full. I hereby dub the Hopper/Byers clan as The Hyers family.  

Dr. Owens is back! I adore Paul Reiser. I like that he’s a dash more morally gray than most of our protagonists but is ultimately still very decent. The way he tracked down El was straight up epic.  

Argyle is funny as fuck but also a pure soul. I was a little apprehensive about “Jonathan becomes a stoner” but I think they’re pulling it off well. I definitely get why he’s stressed and depressed. Not being able to count on Hopper to step it up while Jonathan went off to school is not something I considered. Also, super different for Charlie acting wise and he’s nailing it.  

I adored Chrissy! I love that she wasn’t some bitchy Barbie but super sweet and just a little bit goofy. The poor angel never had a chance.  

Gah, those absolute badass agents trying to protect El and the Byer Boys. 😭   

Suzie’s family being complete Cheaper by the Dozen chaos was unexpected yet so fitting. Plus comedy gold. “I will repent later.”  

So happy to see Powell and Callahan again.

Steve’s face is still intact. Please keep it that way. That shit is so, so old and tired.  

Everyone screaming “DRIVE” in unison gets me every time. Probably fav running gag.   

The satanic panic stuff is good. I like that Jason has a sympathetic streak and believes his intentions are good. It makes him more interesting and makes it easier to get why others join him.

In general, I liked seeing that the jocks weren’t all just brainless meatheads and/or bullies. Bonus points for them always wearing their monogrammed jackets so I can remember their names! 🤣    

I’ve been waiting a long time for all the parents to get together and realize their kids have been lying their asses off for years. I always imagined Joyce being there and awkwardly trying to explain while not actually explaining. But Erica was a good alternative.

And oh, Erica. Still hilarious, to no one’s surprise. I just love that she’s not the typical “precocious girl” archetype. She likes math, politics/current events, instead of being a bookworm or a techie and confident and outspoken and not a wallflower.

Her shutting down Jason and threatening Lucas with whatever is under his bed slayed me. “The whole couch is on fire” is my new way of saying “that’s bullshit.” 

Joyce and Murray. I’m enjoying their dynamic and their adventure. A good, blend of mystery, suspense, action, and some charming zaniness. Murray as Yuri.  My sides.  

Yes, some of “Hopper the zek” stuff was a bit slow but they payoffs with his first escape and fighting the demogorgon were incredible. Not even getting into to his reunion with Joyce. Just. So. Precious and perfect.

Also, love Tom Wlaschiha since his Jaqen days. How many languages does that dude speak?? I’ll be so sad if he doesn’t get back to his little boy! They already got Alexei! They can’t have Dmitri, too!  

Eddie was kinda cringe at first in the cafeteria scene and seemed like the new Billy but dang, did that turn around. I loved him in the woods with Chrissy and he’s only gotten better. I’m so here for the way he’s just an unapologetic weirdo instead of The Cool Guy or the Bastard.  

Robin in Nancy’s clothes. I feel so seen. My sister would put me through that crap all the time when I was little.

Also thought it was nice that the hospital director admired Robin’s passion.

I’m liking Robin and Nancy being friends. It felt a lil forced at first but their field trip was everything I never knew I needed. Also, it’s nice we’re getting to see different characters interacting more.  

The new cast/cameos/homages are delightful. ‘Specially Freddie Krueger as Victor Creel. Loved the initial Hannibal Lector vibe of the scene.  

I am cautiously putting Mike and El here because they are long overdue to have some issues. But I hope things resolve between them because their relationship is a central part of the series to me.  

Max writing a goodbye note for Steve. I don’t know why but I think that’s so adorable. I guess ‘cause it means he does hang out with the kids (besides Dustin) when the world isn’t in danger and he’s absolutely the big bro she deserves.  

I straight up lost it when Dustin told Steve he was missing his collarbones but not his eyes. 🤣. 

Hopper’s cabin getting a cameo.  

I’ve started  watching a second time (tagging along for my parents first viewing) and the foreshadowing is damn good.  

It is so poignant that Will’s project was on Alan Turing.  A gem of an Easter egg, for sure.    

I thought we’d get a quick visit from Billy/Dacre and it was well done.  I’m glad it wasn’t a flashback because there wouldn’t have been a good way to do it, imo. A happy memory would feel like romanticized bullshit and we didn’t need any more unhappy ones.

I saw some people complaining that Max mourned him at all but he was her brother. And despite being a colossal asshole, he did choose to die as a human being instead of “living” as a monster. There’s nothing wrong or unrealistic about how Max feels right now.

 I cackled like a freaking loon when Lucas said, “when did Steve get so hairy?” Because I said the exact same thing the other day when rewatching season 3. For the first time, I noticed quite a bit of hair trying escape that Scoops Ahoy uniform and was a little shocked. 😂

On a more serious note, I always feel better seeing actors allowed to have body hair. Waxing is, like, borderline inhumane and since I’m not from the Capitol in The Hunger Games, people suffering for others’ entertainment makes me super uncomfortable.  

The symmetry/parallels or whatever with Hopper and Brenner with El. 

The Creel house. The first proper journey to the Upside Down (get them hazmat suits stat!) and their escape. Creepy, trippy, weird, and fascinating.    

Max. Lucas. Need I say more? Prolly not, but I’m gonna: I think they’ve been the MVPs so far this season. Their separate storylines have been amazing but together? My heart!!! They might be promoted to OTP. What I initially liked about these two is they were so normal and lighthearted compared to Mike/El and Jonathan/Nancy. But this storyline has been so incredibly, believably, gorgeously told with stellar performances by Sadie and Caleb. The end of Dear Billy in particular is so, so beautiful. I hoped Running Up that Hill would feature this season and to actually have it be a plot point… 🥹 I listened to my favorite cover by First Aid Kit this morning and had a good cry.   

I want to be pissed about how retcony the other numbers feel— Kali/Eight in season 2 definitely implied Brenner collected the kids from all over the world/they all had very different powers. But it’s done so well, I’m giving it a pass. I kinda dig that El is a middle child. Makes it feel different from “aha, the chosen one at last!” trope.  

Vecna is a refreshing change of pace. I actually wish he was the Mind Flayer’s boss/the ultimate big bad. I think having him once be human makes him scarier and eviler. But I dunno, maybe they ARE all one thing he created? They’re building up to Dustin being wrong about something, I think. Which brings me to—

Holy shit, One. I don’t think I need to say more. I connected certain dots separately but not all of them together, if you get what I mean. Loved it. Plus, Jamie Campbell Bower is always good value.

The Bad

I’m disappointed with El thinking she’s a monster again. I think the bullying resurfacing some repressed memories was pretty good but... the storyline feels… kinda late? Especially since it’s a season long arc. I’d have liked it better if they told her straight off she wasn’t the one behind the attack. It’d be more interesting to me if her journey was about her learning to see past her mistakes and discovering why she’s heroic.  

My boy Doc Owens not warning El that she was about to be reunited with assface.  Dude, come on. Wtf.  Redeemed himself some by chewing him out.

Will’s technically catching a break so far this season, which actually highlights how hellish his life has been. Obviously he wasn’t as close to Hopper as El was, but Hopper was also his (step)dad— Owens even acted like Hopper and Joyce were both Will’s parents in ST2– then he got dragged away from his home/friends; helplessly watched his sister suffer; his brother is becoming unrecognizable; he has a thing for his BFF, which is already complicated and painful enough without the fact that said BFF is also his sister’s boyfriend.😭 But hey, seven episodes in a row without a monster trying to eat him!  

I totally get Robin changing a tad this season from being more comfortable/less guarded because of Steve. But here and there she seemed jarringly different (like how she’s suddenly no longer capable of “playing it cool”) and a few of her comic relief lines fell flat (the compass, earthquakes, attic.).  It’s obvious she’s only here because we like her. Which brings me to…

I am starting to get nervous about how far things are starting to tilt towards fan service. Elements of it have been present since season two but alarm bells are ringing for me. I’d hate for this show to go the Glee route— pandering to (usually toxic) shippers, not wanting to change “the winning formula” which lets characters/situations get stale, etc.  Sigh. At least we’re close to the end.  

I don’t mind Jonathan and Nancy having problems, in fact, I’d probably find it ridiculous if they didn’t. But why THIS way? I loved in season 3 that they had real discussions, even about the ugly stuff. They hashed things out, opened up each other’s minds. I went from “yeah, they’re pretty cute” to “Hell, yeah, I ship it!”

It sucked to see that all go out the window. Obviously, they’re still kids, so I wasn’t expecting anything super mature. But both of them avoiding/ignoring their problems felt lazy.  At the very least, why couldn’t they have been taking a break? Which brings me to—

The Ugly  

Steve and Nance having romantic tension again. Barf. 

 I was somewhat prepared— that weirdly intimate scene in the trailer combined with the complete lack of a potential love interest for Steve among all the new characters. But still. Just… why.

I see some bearable avenues they can take with this but I don’t think it’s necessary and it makes Nancy look awful: Like a serial cheater or that she only wants what she doesn’t have and like still doesn’t grasp how shitty Jonathan’s situation is. She grew up so much, especially last season, and they’re just… pissing all over it??

It’s a little easier to swallow on Steve’s end but I felt like he also really regressed in the early episodes— still so desperate for female attention and just doing the dating equivalent of “throwing it all at the wall and see what sticks.” If they had to have him make heart eyes at Nancy again, then he should’ve still had girls treating him like a townie loser who peaked in high school.

I thought Dustin cheerleading R/S when he barely knew Robin was juvenile writing but at least Dustin was young. Robin practically encouraging Nancy to cheat? Ew. Eddie, who’s probably 20 as a third time senior, declaring what is “true love” between two perfect strangers?

Holy fuck, if it’s not intentionally paralleling Dustin being “ wrong” about Steve and Robin then it is so painfully amateurish that I do not have words. Only Murray can get a pass on that kinda thing because he’s been established as borderline clairvoyant from early on.

Also, a couple of the effects aren’t on par with most of them. One’s transformation and the demobat battle were silly looking. Normally I’m very forgiving of tv show budgets but with how great everything else looked, it was a bit jarring.

TL;DR most of it is awesome, with Max, Lucas, and Lumax being the best. But I fear  they’re relying too heavily on fan service and I’m scared it could be the show’s downfall. Also, my tolerance for bullshit love triangles was obliterated about a decade ago.

[artzychic27]

I saw Wicked, it’s only natural that I make a Wicked!Miraculous AU

Marc: Elphaba… Because I said so… Now hush

Adrien: Glinda… Blonde, perky, he’d look good on blue

Nathaniel: Fierro… NathMarc

Marinette: Nessarose… They cousins… Now they’re siblings

Jean-Pierre Monlataing: Dr. Dillamond… Because I said so

Luka: Boq/Tin Man… Lukadrien… Sorta?… Lukanette… Sorta?

Madame Morrible: Audrey Bourgeois… *Shrugs*

It’s a wonderful day in Oz, for the Wicked Witch of the West is dead!

Adrien, formerly known as Adrian decides to tell a story to his audience as he rides in inside a bubble

Adrien: My fellow Ozians, allow me to tell you a tale such swankified!

Years ago, a woman had an affair with a traveling salesman while her husband, the governor of Munchkinland was away on business. He then gave her a black and white elixir

Doctor: I see the toes!

Father: I feel such joy!

Doctor/Father: It’s a healthy, perfect, lovely little- UGH!

Father: SWEET OZ!

When the baby was born, he came out with inverted black and white skin, eyes, teeth.

Adrien: Well, this has been fun! But as you can imagine I have much to attend to, what with the Wizard's unexpected departure. So, if there are no further questions...

Ozian: Adrien, is it true you were his friend?

Ozians: *Gasp*

Adrien: Well, I... you see... um... yes. Well, it depends on what you mean by "friend". I did know him. That is, our paths did cross... at school. But you must understand, it was a long time ago and we were both very young.

Marc’s father resented him, but showered his wheelchair-bound younger sister, Marinette with endless affection

Years later, they begin their studies at Miraculous University. Their father gives Marinette a pair of pink ballet flats as a parting gift and orders Marc to look after her

Marc: *Sees everyone staring at him* … What?… Okay, let’s get this over with! No, I didn’t get sunburned on one side, no, it is not an experiment gone wrong, yes, my insides are also black and white

Audrey Bourgeois makes her grand entrance, explains the room situation, and due to a misunderstanding, pairs resident Sunshine Boy Adrian Agreste with Marc, much to their outrage

As Audrey wheels Marinette off to her room, Marc just snaps and a strange force pulls Marinette’s chair towards him

Audrey: … My dear boy… Have you ever considered sorcery?

The school quickly sides with Adrien over his rivalry with Marc

Adrien/Marc: There’s been some confusion, for you see my roommate is…

Adrien: Unusually, and exceedingly peculiar, and altogether quite impossible to describe…

Marc: Blonde.

In history class, taught by Jean-Pierre Monlataing, a Goat who is the only animal professor at Miraculous, shit hits the fan

Dillamond: Settle down, now! I have read your most recent essays. And I am amazed to report the progress! Although, some of us still tend to favor form over content... Mr. Adrian.

Adrian: It's AdriEn.

Jean-Pierre Monlataing: Excuse me... Adrien.

Adrian: I really don't see what the problem is. Every other professor seems to be able to pronounce my name.

Marc: Maybe pronouncing your precious name isn't the sole purpose of Doctor Jean-Pierre Monlataing’s life. Maybe he's not like every other professor. Maybe some of us are different!

Then this happens…

Jean-Pierre Monlataing: *Flips the board over to reveal graffiti* … “Animals should be seen and not heard.”… Everyone out.

While everyone else leaves, Marc is the only one to stay.

Jean-Pierre Monlataing: Wouldn’t you rather be with your friends?

Marc: It’s cool, I don’t have any friends.

As they speak, the professor explains to Marc about a conspiracy to stop all animals from speaking, occasionally bleating out his a’s

Before they can discuss some more, Audrey drags Marc to his sorcery lesson

The next day, Prince Nathaniel arrives and makes quite an entrance by nearly running Marc over with his carriage

Marc: Pompous bastard!

Nathaniel: Oh, forgive me. I thought you were part of the road.

With his status, (So high that the students can’t tell he isn’t as charming & perfect as most royals) Nathaniel becomes popular at Miraculous and throws a party at the Ozdust Ballroom to keep up the facade of him being perfect

A Munchkin named Luka asks Adrien if he would like to go with him, but he convinces him to ask out Marinette since he has his eyes set on Nathaniel

Before the party, as a prank thought of by his squad, Adrien gifts Marc a black and white cloak, claiming it’s a show of friendship…

… But he feels like an ass when Audrey tells him he will be joining her sorcery class due to a recommendation from Marc. She even gives him a training wand

Marc arrives wearing the cloak Adrien gave him, and is close to tears when everyone begins pointing and laughing at him

Guilt rising, Adrien pulls him into a dance, and soon, everyone joins in, allowing the two to finally bond

After the party, the two head to their room to share their secrets.

Adrien: My secret is… Nathaniel and I are going to get married!

Marc: He already proposed?

Adrien: … He doesn’t know it yet.

Marc: -_-

Marc shares his secret, explaining the reason why he’s black and white, why his sister is in a wheelchair, why his mother died, and why he feels it’s all his fault

Adrien aggressively explains that none of that is Marc’s fault and somehow their conversation leads up to… A MAKEOVER!

Adrien: Toss your hair, laugh, and smize.

Marc: Do what?

The next day in class, Jean-Pierre Monlataing tells everyone he has been dismissed, as animals are no longer permitted to teach

Marc: WHAT?!

He tries to help, but no one will stand with him and Jean-Pierre Monlataing is dragged out of the school

The new teacher arrives with a cage containing a Tiger cub with purple fur, which Marc immediately feels sympathetic towards

Marc: She’s trembling!

Teacher: Oh, she’s just excited to be here! Now, as I was saying, one of the benefits of caging a Tiger cub while she's young is that she never, in fact, will learn how to speak.

In a rage, Marc uses his powers again, and the students and teacher are moving uncontrollably, except for Marc and Nathaniel

They take the Tiger cub somewhere safe from the school, along the way naming her Juleka

After some arguing, the two sort of share a moment

Marc: You could have just walked away back there.

Nathaniel: So?

Marc: So, no matter how shallow and self-absorbed you tend to be...

Nathaniel: Excuse me, there's no pretense here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow.

Marc: No you're not. Or you wouldn't be so unhappy.

Awkwardness ensues, and Nathaniel quickly goes to get the cub to safety. Just then, Audrey approaches Marc with an umbrella just as it begins to rain

She has some good news- The Wizard wants to meet with him!

He wants to hug him, but she quickly covers him with the umbrella again, warning him not to get went before making the rain disappear and replacing it with sunshine. (This is important later, kids)

A while later at the train station, Adrien, Marinette, and Luka are there to say goodbye to Marc. There’s some tension between Marinette and Luka, though

Marc: *As Marinette rolls away after Luka runs off* Mari, wait!

Adrien: Let her go. She'll have to manage without you. We all will.

Marc: Please, you'll barely even notice I'm gone. Besides, you have Nathaniel. Where is he, anyway? Not that I expected him to say goodbye to me. We barely know each other.

Adrien: I don't know him either. He's distant, and moodified, and he's been thinking, which really worrries me. I never knew how much he card about that old goat.

Nathaniel arrives, showing more affection towards Marc than Adrien, which makes him a little jealous and to show what a good person he is, changes his name from Adrian to Adrien as an homage to their professor

Adrien: *Facepalms once Nathaniel leaves* Stupid, stupid, stupid!

To cheer him up, Marc invites him to the Emerald City with him, a vibrant place full of eccentric people who don’t even point out Marc’s skin

After some walking around, Marc and Adrien eventually meet up with the great, powerful, and terrifying wizard of Oz… Only “he’s” revealed to be some teenage girl with three ponytails- Lila

As Marc tries to explain to Lila the situation with the animals, she requires him to prove himself to her by reading from the Grimmerie, handed to him by Audrey

Audrey: So the Wizard was thinking, perhaps, a levitation spell...

Adrien: Is that the Grimmerie?

Audrey: Yes, the ancient book of spells and enchantments. *Hands It To Marc*

Adrien: Can I touch it?

Audrey: *Smacks his hand* No!

Lila has Marc perform a levitation spell on her monkey servant, Kim

Audrey: Don't be discouraged if you can't decipherate it, dearie. I, myself, can only read a spell or two, and that took years and years

Marc: AHVEN, TATEY, AVEN TATEY AVEN...

Adrien: Just let him do his thing.

Once Marc completes the spell, Kim grovels in pain as wings start to sprout from his back. Marc tried to stop the spell, but Audrey and Lila prevent him from doing so, and in the process, revealing their true intentions for him and how Lila is the reason behind the animals inability to speak anymore

Horrified, Marc runs away with Adrien in tow, and Audrey warns all of Oz that Marc is a “wicked witch!”

They end up in the attic and Marc blocks the ceiling hatch with a large stack of paper

Audrey: Citizens of Oz, there is an enemy that must be found and captured! Believe nothing he says. He’s evil. Responsible for the mutilation of these poor, innocent monkeys! His monochrome skin is but an outward manifestation of his two-faced nature! This distortion... this repulsion... this... Wicked Witch!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adrien: Don't be afraid...

Marc: I'm not... it's the Wizard who should be afraid... of me!

Marc tries another levitation spell to get him out of here, but instead, enchants the paper, making them combine into a glider for him to ride on

[End of Act 1]

Some time has passed, Marc is still known as the “Wicked Witch of the West” and Adrien is known as “Adrien the Good” Lila even made him Oz’s defender agasint Marc

Nathaniel, captain of the guard, reluctantly agrees to marry Adrien. (Little do people know he’s looking for Marc to be with him)

Rumors begin to spread about Marc, only ruining the mood-

“I hear he has a third eye!”

“He can shed his skin!”

“Water will melt him!”

Adrien tries to keep up appearances, but still can’t help be regret his decision to not go with Marc and help him save the animals

After her father’s death, Marinette became governor of Munchkinland with Luka as her secretary… Only, he’s kind of soulless now

Once it’s just them alone in her office, Marc steps out of her armoire, startling her

Marc: I'm sorry. Did I scare you? I seem to have that effect on people. It's good to see you.

Marinette: What are you doing here?

Marc: Well, there's no place like home, little sis. I never thought I'd hear myself say this but I need father's help. I need him to stand with me.

Marinette: That's impossible.

Marc: No, no it's not. Not if you ask him. You know he'll listen to you.

Marinette: Father's dead.

Marc: What?

Marinette: He's dead. I'm the governor... Well what did you expect? After he learned what you'd done, how you'd disgraced u,s he died... of shame. Embarrassed to death.

Marc: Good, I'm glad. It's better that way.

A fight breaks out between the two, with Marinette going off on Marc about how he never used his powers to help her

Marc is about to defend himself until he remembers Marinette’s ballet flats and begins to cast as spell on them with the Grimmerie

Suddenly, Marinette is able to stand. Thinking Luka will love her now, Marinette tells him the good news, and he celebrates as soon as he sees her standing. Because now he can be with Adrien

In the middle of his lovesick rant, he explains that ever since Marinette became governor, she’s stripped the Munchkins of their rights so they can be together

So upset, Marinette casts as spell on Luka with the Grimmerie to make him fall in love with her. Only, she says the words wrong and shrinks Luka’s heart

Marc casts another spell to save him, but instead turns Luka into a tin man. Horrified, Marinette blames Marc

Marc returns to the Emerald City to free Kim and the other monkeys, and encounters Lila. She admits that she is but a mere storyteller and offers to redeem Marc’s reputation

As he frees the monkeys, he comes across Jean-Pierre Monlataing, now unable to speak. Marc angrily accuses Lila, and she calls for the guards

Nathaniel arrives and helps Marc escape, breaking Adrien’s heart. To get Marc back, Adrien suggests using Marinette as bait. And Audrey decided to lend a hand

In the woods, Marc and Nathaniel finally profess their feelings for each other and Nathaniel says they can stay in his family’s other castle no one really uses before Marc has a vision of Marinette in danger

He’s too late to save her as she was crushed to death by the house of some farm girl who Adrien sent down the yellow brick road with Marinette’s shoes

Marc: I wanted something to remember her by, and all that is left were those shoes, and now that wretched little farm girl has walked off with them!

The Wizard's guards arrive. Nathaniel holds Adrien hostage as Marc runs away. Adrien pleads for the guards not to hurt Nathaniel, but they escort Nathaniel to a nearby cornfield to be killed

Guard: Seize him!

Adrien: No! Stop it! In the name of goodness, stop! Don't you see? He wasn't going to harm me, he just... he just... he loves him.

Nathaniel: Adrien, I'm so sorry!

In anguish, Marc hurries to the castle to cast a spell that’ll bring Nathaniel back, but his powers are limited. He soon accepts his reputation as “The Wicked Witch”

Back in the Emerald City, Adrien realizes that Audrey is responsible for Marinette’s death, and meanwhile, the citizens declare war on Marc and set out to take the castle where Marc has Zoé and her dog, Pollen captured

Luka: And, this is more than just a service to the Wizard. I have a personal score to settle with Mar... with the witch! And I am not the only one. Jules, tell them what he did to you in class that day. How you were just a cub and he cubnapped you.

Juleka: No!

Adrien: No, no, that's not the way it happened! *He rushes off to warn Marc*

Meanwhile~ Marc: *To Zoé* Oh, for Oz's sake, stop crying! I can't listen to it anymore! Oh, you want to see your aunt em and uncle who cares again?! Then get those shoes off your feet! Little brat... takes a dead woman's shoes; must have been raised in a barn!

Adrien arrives, trying to talk down Marc and warn him of the danger he’s in, but he argues back and this goes on for a while until Kim hands him a letter regarding Nathaniel

Adrien: What is it? What's wrong? It's Nathaniel, isn't it? Is he...

Marc: … We've seen his face for the last time.

The two reconcile and Marc hands Adrien the Grimmerie before hiding him, and although Adrien is resistant, he agrees not to clear Marc’s name

The mob arrives and Adrien can only listen to Marc’s screams as Zoé throws a bucket of water on him, leaving only his cloak and the black and white elixer that his mother drank

He confronts Lila about the bottle, and she reveals herself as Marc’s biological sister, the daughter of the salesman who gave his mother the elixer. She swapped the elixer her father was originally going to give to Marc’s mom with what turned him black and white

Feeling very spiteful, Adrien banishes Lila from Oz, telling her to take Zoé away in the ballon which brought her and her father here years ago

Audrey: Adrien, dear, I know we've had our miniscule differentiations in the past...

Adrien: Guards! Madame, have you ever considered how you'd fare in captivity?

Audrey: What?

Adrien: Articulated. Captivity... prison! Personally, I don't think you'll hold up very well. My professional opinion is that you do not have what it takes. I hope you prove me wrong. I doubt you will. Take her away!

Audrey: *Gets dragged away by guards* No!!!!

Meanwhile, this happened at the castle

The Scarecrow walks into the room where Marc was defeated. He opens a trapdoor

Scarecrow: It worked!

Marc: Nathaniel! I thought you'd never get here… I-I’m sorry.

Nathaniel: Ah, you did the best you could. You saved my life.

Marc: You're still beautiful.

Nathaniel: You don't have to lie to me.

Marc: It's not lying... its looking at things another way.

*They kiss*

Back to the present, Adrien finishes his story and promises the Ozians he will earn his title as ‘Adrien the Good.’ As they cheer, he mourns over a friend he believes he’s lost

Little does he know, Marc and Nathaniel are still living in the castle

[levworship]

Okay but I just read what the other anon requested and that was so good?? I didn’t think I had a thing for receiving oral but wtf 😭🤚could I maybe request smth if you got time?? Could it be a reunion between volleyball teams from miyagi and tokyo? So nekoma, fukorodani, seijoh, Johzenji (terushima’s tongue piercing PLS), karasuno, itachiyama You were the old manager of nekoma and was friends with literally everyone, during the talk kuroo somehow mentioned that in the nekoma reunion like 2 years ago it somehow ended with the main guys all taking turns eating you out and that pisses off the rest of the guys because that was their fantasy?? This ends up with you (with consent ofc) being sat down on kuroo’s lap as the guys also take turns eating you out (inspired by the other anon because 😩) I understand if you obviously can’t mention everyone, but pls mention terurshima, sakusa (who would only let you make a mess on his face) and bokuto if you could <3 ALSO the idea of two people eating you out at the same time, maybe bokuto and terushima?? IM NASTY OKAY BUT PLS DO THAT

Ty in advanceeee

i’m usually pretty fast but this took me a whole two days to write smh i’m sorry anon. hope you enjoy tho <3 i wanted it to be a lil longer but i’m so tired and i rlly wanted to get this out for you.

cw: group sex (like.. big group), hella sub reader, also fem reader, anal lol, oral (fem reviving), kuroo is the ringleader, humiliation ig, reader kinda into it doe, dirty talk, degrading + praise, squirting, overstimulation

summary: basically everyone wants to eat out/fuck y/n. explicitly written in here is kuroo, oikawa, sakusa, bokuto, and terushima. the rest is implied.

word count: about 1.9k

your face was buried into kenma’s stiff shoulder, your whole body feeling hot as your group of friends continued to talk about you as if you weren’t even there. but clearly they hadn’t forgotten about you too much considering the way their eyes burned holes into you from all around so indiscreetly that you couldn’t even sit your ass still.

you weren’t quite sure how the previous conversation had shifted so suddenly, but kuroo seemed more than happy with the subject change as his signature asshole smirk never left his features. “- yeah, ‘bout two years ago i’d say. she was a good fuck too. poor thing was so eager to make us feel good that she passed out.” kuroo continued to drag his story as if to intentionally provoke the others, and the staring at you only got worse. your nerves were shot.

you looked and felt like a precious bunny being stared down by a bunch of wolves. and honestly? it was hot as fuck.

which is why you didn’t bother to argue when you were practically dragged into the locker room of the old gym, daichi hurriedly locking the door behind all of you. you couldn’t help but feel bad for just a second. ‘didnt some of these guys have girlfriends? couldve sworn i saw terushima enter with some girl.’ but how could you possibly focus on that when your clothes were being literally ripped off of you and disregarded to who knows where?

your legs felt weak, both out of shock and nervousness from being handled so roughly. “bring her here, bo. sit her down on my lap.” bokuto (for perhaps the first time in his life) was silent as he dragged you over to the other ex-captain, setting you down in his lap on his spot on the bench just as he’d requested. kuroo snickered and raised a hand to cup your cheeks, squeezing them together like you were a little baby before releasing.

“ease up, will ya? so damn tense i can feel it from here. you know we’ll take good care of you.” he spoke so lowly and reassuringly that you couldn’t help but to nod like a fool as he turned you around in his lap to fit the others. he tapped your thigh once, twice, and you quickly picked up on the hint and opened your legs for their viewing pleasure. you tried to put your face down as you were smothered in shame from just how quickly you got wet from their rough handling, but kuroo gripped onto your face once again and forced you to look up.

“look up, baby. so many big strong men dying to make you cum so fucking hard. be a little more thankful, yeah? say it.” “thank you.” he shook his head with a small laugh before releasing your face, but not before lightly tapping your face twice with soft slaps. still, you remained out of it even as oikawa settled himself between your legs, looking up at you with the same lazy smile you frequently saw him wearing around you.

“smells so damn good. finally gonna let me get a taste, cutie?” he spoke lowly as if he were to himself before diving in and holy shit. you figured he’d be pretty experienced. the guy was a literal chick magnet. but damn, this exceeded your expectations by far. your body threatened to curl over itself if it hadn’t been for kuroo’s sturdy grip on your twitching thighs. the way he sucked vigorously at your clit while swiping his tongue along your folds to capture more of your essence had you drawing nothing but blanks up there.

“haven’t even cum yet for us and already going dumb?” kuroo teased, planting a kiss just behind your ear, a shocking contrast to the way oikawa’s tongue worked against you just right.

the air around you was so thick you felt as if it could be cut with a knife. some of the guys surrounding you couldn’t figure out what to do with themselves, nervously shuffling their feet without taking your eyes off of you. others had clearly overcome any former shame, already slowly pumping their cocks in their hands as they hoped and prayed that they would get a turn soon. the whole scene made you feel so dirty— so wanted. the desire that leaked from their looks on you had your orgasm approaching faster than ever.

oikawa seemed to have noticed this, using his thumbs to spread your folds apart to make sure you felt him deep, muttering a quick “cum on my fucking mouth, princess.” the simple phrase alone made your orgasm crash down on you finally. your fingers tangled in his soft hair, which was now messy and tossed thanks to you.

you nearly passed out right there when he continued to lick you clean even as you violently shook in kuroo’s grasp, the black haired boy having to shove the other away forcefully just to separate his mouth from you. “that’s enough of that. did he make you feel good baby?” your eyes are still shut as you cling onto the leftover bliss, only offering a quiet “mhm.” “good girl. think you can give us another?” the question was clearly rhetorical, which should’ve been clear by the was he was already gesturing someone else forward. but still, you shook your little fucked out head ‘no’ and prayed upon some god that he’d have mercy on your poor quivering cunt.

but you knew better than to expect mercy from kuroo of all people. especially when it came to your body, when he kept whispering to you about how you were such a “perfect little toy,” and his “favorite doll to use.” before you knew it sakusa was diving into your pussy quickly without giving you time to do so much as muster up the energy to open your eyes again. his mouth was quick and desperate to get you off, moving with a sense of urgency as his hands busied themselves palming at his covered dick. he wasn’t nearly as precise or experienced as oikawa was, but his eagerness made up for it as he ate you out like a starved man.

your hips threatened to buck against his face wildly, cries of “please, please, please” falling from your mouth even though you didn’t even know what you were begging for. all you knew was that you needed more than what he was giving you right now. the man above you seemed to have read you like an open book once again as he released one of your thoughts to reach a hand around to your sensitive bud, pressing down on it softly. “see this?” he murmured, only receiving a small “hm.” in acknowledgement as omi continued his assault on your little hole. greedy fuck. “try touching her here. she loves that shit.” you cried out for more again, clenching tightly at the way he spoke of your body as if you weren’t even there.

the second sakusa tore himself away from your folds to wrap his lips around your clit, you were a goner for sure. there was a distant scream that you didn’t even recognize as your own until kuroo muffled them with his hand, body twitching and jerking more than it had the previous time. the room fell to a sudden silence even as you came down from your high, causing you to let out a confused hum.

kuroo’s chuckle broke the quietness, his large hand slapping your wet overstimulated mound and making you yelp. “didn’t know you were a squirter, baby. how come you didn’t do this for us the first time hm?” another rhetorical question. his hand trailed down lower, collecting some of your juices before he began to prod a finger at your other hole. “fuck- gonna let me bury myself in here again? want both of your holes fucked out?” and you couldn’t help but cry out because fuck yes! you couldn’t think of anything you’d want more. you nodded your head and panted like a sex craved mutt, and perhaps you would’ve been as humiliated as you were before if you weren’t so damn thirsty for it. every inch of you was begging to be ravished and destroyed, and you couldn’t help but grow more and more impatient as the time passed.

kuroo didn’t take his eyes off of you as he nodded towards the crowd once again, sakusa taking the hint and reluctantly scurrying off to palm at himself through his sweatpants just as he previously had. kuroo’s command must’ve been unclear though, as both of you were pulled away from your eye contact at the sound of a comical bonk followed by two grunts of “ow.” perhaps you would’ve laughed if the two aforementioned fools weren’t kneeling in front of your drenched pussy, ready to service you eagerly just as the other two had.

a chill ran up your spine as you surveyed each of their features. while both of them shared the same underlying expressions of lust and desperation, you couldn’t help but note how bokuto’s face resembled one of an excited puppy dog that perhaps would’ve been adorable in another circumstance while terushima’s was much more primal. “look at that” kuroo’s voice in your ear dragged you back out of your own head as he slowly sunk another finger into your tight ass. just because he was going to treat you like a whore didn’t mean you didn’t deserve prep. “making a fool out of themselves, all because they’re so desperate to get a taste of that perfect pussy. doesn’t that make you feel filthy?”

kuroo couldn’t do anything but shake his head at your lack of response, finally releasing your thighs for a moment to grab at both of their napes, silently demanding for you to hold them open yourself. “well? since you’re both so impatient, think you two can work together as a team? if i hear her complain even one time, i’m not letting either of you touch again.”

the two of them nodded obediently, and your eyes nearly rolled back at how demanding kuroo was being right now. it was clear that everyone knew who was truly holding the ropes here, and yet no one was complaining about the arrangement. seemingly satisfied with their responses, kuroo released their necks and his hands smacked yours away so he could replace them and hold up your thighs himself once again. “think you’re ready to take my cock now in here, y/n?” he smirked as he lined himself up. “gonna let me fuck this ass while you let both of them eat that slutty pussy? such a dirty girl. so fuckin’ good for us” he continued to spew filth at you as he lined himself up at your entrance, allowing you to sink down slowly.

you hissed at the stretch, but of course didn’t have much time to focus on the sensation because bokuto and terushima had finally decided that they’d been waiting for long enough. they worked diligently, the cool metal of teru’s tongue piercing flicking against your bud while bokuto slurped on your juices so loudly that the sound filled the room in the most embarrassing way possible.

yeah. you were in for it tonight.

sorry for mistakes or inconsistencie. requests for bnha and haikyuu are open.

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

Trick or Treat

The next A Very Bouncey Halloween installment and a belated birthday gift to my darling @veritasrose. Thank you so much for the last year of friendship, I look forward to celebrating with you again. <3 you are much loved.

tw: curses, Geralt is an idiot, competent Jaskier

---

Light flashes through the room and momentarily blinds Jaskier, who stumbles back against Geralt. He mumbles an apology to the ever-sturdy Witcher as he waits for his vision to return and when he blinks clearly for the first time after a few long moments, the bard feels utterly and totally confused by the scene unfolding before him.

The Duke’s grandest ballroom, which had been bustling with excitable party guests only moments ago, is now flooded with ghouls, ghosts, vampires, and monsters of all sorts. A woman with swan’s wings is huddled in one corner, squawking angrily at anyone who tries to draw near. A minotaur stumbles through the center of the dance floor, lowing in frustration as he tries to control his bulky limbs. Two werewolves wrestle for dominance atop the furthest banquet table to their left. As Jaskier takes it all in, he feels Geralt’s hands wrap suddenly around his bicep; the Witcher is clinging to Jaskier fiercely, leaning his not insignificant weight against the bard’s side as his eyes grow round and watery.

“What’s happening?” Geralt finally asks. His tone of voice seems breathy and high, filled with a terror - almost totally foreign to Jaskier’s ears. Geralt fears nothing and yet… “Let’s get away from this dreadful place, please!”

“Aren’t you going to try and solve this problem?” Jaskier asks, glancing at his companion. He gestures at the various monsters roaming freely past the buffet table. “You’re likely the nearest Witcher, after all.”

“I’m no Witcher,” Geralt declares. He splays a hand over the very center of his blue velvet doublet (a nearly perfect imitation of the way Jaskier reacts to a perceived offense). “I am a Count. Witchers are dirty things, not meant for such a public life as my own.”

“For fuck’s sake, Geralt, now is not the time for a prank of this nature,” Jaskier huffs. “Something is clearly going on here. We need to help these people!”

“I know something is wrong,” Geralt sniffles - fucking sniffles - and squeezes the bard’s upper arm even more tightly. The sound of Geralt crying shakes Jaskier into understanding, even as Geralt begs: “But I don’t know how to help! Please get me out of here, Milord, I’m scared.”

Milord? Jaskier mouths to himself, even as he wraps one comforting arm around Geralt’s waist and ushers him away from the growing chaos at the center of the ballroom. Jaskier hurries them down one suspiciously empty hallway after another until he reaches the small suite that he had accepted as payment for his performance at the party. Jaskier ushers Geralt inside and locks the heavy oak door behind them.

“My Lord Geralt,” he gets the not-quite-Witcher’s attention. “Do you mind taking a seat by the fire for now? I’ll be right with you as soon as the room is secure, and then we can figure out what’s going on and what to do from here.”

“Yes, Milord,” Geralt nods. He hurries to comply with Jaskier’s request, to the bard’s continuing shock and awe, and stays still and quiet as Jaskier removes his doublet and rolls up his sleeves. Using the strength he’s spent twelve years at Geralt’s side developing, Jaskier shoves a bookcase, a dresser, and an unfortunately designed roll-top desk in front of the locked doors for added protection.

Moving behind Geralt with practiced efficiency, Jaskier also closes, shutters, and locks every window in the room, pulling the curtains closed to keep any light from spilling out and alerting stray creatures of their presence.

When he’s finished locking down all of their room’s possible entrances and breathing hard from exertion, Jaskier tugs the Witcher’s xenovox from his bag and flips it open, waiting with bated breath until Yennefer’s irritated voice snaps: “What do you want, Geralt?”

“Who is that?!” Geralt cries from his place near the fire. He has a white-knuckle grip on the overstuffed armchair he’s perched in and his clothing is mussed; Jaskier motions for him to be quiet and Geralt bites his lip, worrying the soft pink skin between his unusually dull canines.

“Was that Geralt?” Yennefer asks. "Did Jaskier summon me?"

“Yes and yes,” Jaskier replies. “I think he’s been cursed or enchanted or something. I was hired to play at the Duke of Rinde’s All Hallow’s Eve celebration and Geralt accompanied me - even dressed up for the occasion - but something happened at the party and now he’s acting strangely. I don’t know what to do.”

"What's happening?" Yennefer prods.

"Geralt is acting rather out of sorts. He’s speaking strangely, he wanted to flee the party rather than investigate the source of the changes-”

“What changes?”

“Everyone sort of… Well, a good portion of the party guests suddenly transformed into their costumes,” Jaskier explains, his speech stunted by his disbelief. “I know it sounds incredible, and it was! One moment we were all enjoying the music and the next… there was a minotaur and a mermaid and a faun… Geralt went nearly mute and started clinging to my arm like some sort of aristocratic maiden!”

“Oh shit,” Yen groans.

“Who is that?” Geralt repeats. Jaskier continues to ignore his companion. He knows that the moment he turns his attention to caring for Geralt, he won’t be able to tear it away again, and he needs to finish this conversation with Yennefer first.

“Why are you swearing?” he asks the sorceress. “What is it?”

“Geralt asked me for advice about this stupid ball a few days ago, while you were busy making arrangements with the Duke. He wanted to impress you with his All Hallow’s Eve costume and prove that he could be just as fancy and well-mannered as all the other men of your status.”

“Why in the world would Geralt want to dress up and act like a nobleman? It makes no sense! He detests small talk, he hates vanity, and he finds most men of my station to be cowardly and overly delicate - myself included! I just- I don’t quite understand why he’d go through all of this just to impress me. Or why he thinks this kind of thing would be impressive in the first place.”

“Jaskier, please tell me that you aren’t as stupid as our mutually beloved Witcher…”

Jaskier considers for a moment, pondering the things that he does to impress Geralt: gathering wood, learning to cook with game meat, preparing the Witcher’s potion ingredients while he's out on hunts, organizing their packs when they're spiking camp, brushing Roach’s mane… Realization dawns suddenly and all at once. He has a moment of pure understanding, a moment much beloved by every poet, bard, and playwright across the Continent: “Oh.”

Yennefer gives a tired laugh. “Yeah.”

“So he’s stuck as… a noble?”

“I suppose,” she sighs. “I’ll portal you to my location and we can figure things out in peace. Get your things together, I’ll open it up in precisely five minutes.”

“What’s happening!?” Geralt demands. Jaskier pulls the Witcher/Count to his feet and bows shallowly.

“I am Jaskier Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove. I will be your protector and chaperone for the foreseeable future, Your Lordship,” Jaskier bows shallowly. “I’m going to gather our things together and then we are going to meet up with a very lovely sorceress, Yennefer of Vengerberg.”

“Is she a friend of yours?”

Jaskier barely manages to hide his surprise at Geralt’s utter lack of recognition. His memories of Yennefer have also been taken, then.

“She’s a mutual friend.”

“Are you my friend?”

“I would like to think so,” Jaskier smiles. Geralt remains oblivious to the bard’s heartache, even as he curls himself against Jaskier. He tucks his face against Jaskier’s shoulder and sobs quietly. The bard runs his hands comfortingly up and down Geralt’s spine for a long, soothing moment. The smooth, royal-blue velvet tickles his fingertips. “Shh, dear heart. I’ve got you. Everything will be alright, I swear.”

“I trust you,” Geralt whispers.

Just as Jaskier is about to reply, Yennefer’s portal snaps open in the center of the room. Jaskier hands Geralt a set of bags and hauls his own over his shoulder. “Time to go, Your Lordship. Just take one little step…”

---

“Do you know who I am?” Yennefer asks. Geralt shakes his head before burying his face in the back of Jaskier’s shoulder-blade.

“I’m so frightened, Milord.”

Frightened? Milord? Yennefer mouths. Jaskier shrugs nearly imperceptibly and makes a panicked gesture in the Witcher’s general direction.

“I don’t know what to do either!”

“Well, start from the beginning. Tell me what happened at the party before all of… this.”

Jaskier recounts every detail he can remember in the most straightforward way possible, momentarily renouncing his poetic skills in favor of efficiency - for Geralt’s sake, of course, not Yennefer’s. When he's finished he asks: “And you said he did all of this to impress me?”

“Yes.”

“But why?” Jaskier repeats his earlier question. Yennefer understands that his meaning is different; Jaskier understands that Geralt is interested in him romantically, but the bard can't seem to get it through his head that Geralt has deemed him worthy. Although, knowing the Witcher, he isn't even sure how to go about doing such a thing in the first place.

"I just... I don’t quite believe you," he adds.

“He loves you,” Yennefer reiterates. "And now he’s stuck like this until the effects of the spell wear off, so I suggest you take his precious Lordship to one of my spare rooms and make yourselves comfortable. I’ll see you both for breakfast, providing the magic is null and void by then.”

“And if it isn’t?”

“I hope you enjoy small talk, you bardic bastard.”

Yennefer smirks and disappears from the room in a whirl of black and white silk, the scents of lilac and gooseberry curling through the air in her wake.

Geralt clings to Jaskier’s bicep again as the exhausted bard stands, keeping his larger body pressed against the human’s side as if Jaskier is the one who wields the Witcher’s swords. “So I’m under a spell?”

“Yes, darling.”

“At least I have you here to protect me, Jaskier. You’re so brave and strong; my hero!”

“It’s usually the other way around, dear heart, but I appreciate the sentiment. Now, how about we find a comfortable place to bed down for the night, Milord?”

"Alright."

Jaskier moves Geralt's hand so that it's curled around the inside of his elbow, the proper etiquette for a platonic escort, and leads him quickly down the long hallways of Yennefer's sprawling manor house. He chooses the blue-themed bedroom at the back of the East Wing, far from the sorceress' own suite of rooms.

He has to help Geralt change out of his lordly costume, the Witcher-turned-Count fumbling uselessly at the laces and buttons as if he'd never seen a fastening before in his life. Geralt whispers shyly as Jaskier pulls a nightshirt over his head: "Thank you again, Milord Jaskier. I feel as if I can't help but continue indebting myself to you."

"Think nothing of it, dear heart," Jaskier smiles, ignoring the pang in his chest. "I am happy to help you."

Jaskier tucks Geralt into bed before changing into his own nightclothes, tossing his things back into their travel bags as he swaps outfits. He feels Geralt tense up when he sits on the edge of the bed and his eyebrows narrow in concern.

"Are you alright, Geralt?"

"Are you going to share a bed with me?"

"Would you rather I didn't?" Jaskier answers with a question of his own.

"I... I wouldn't mind it if we shared."

Jaskier wishes he had Witcher sight, so he could catch a glimpse of the blush no doubt attempting to stain the Witcher's face. Despite the mutagens, Geralt's face still went pale pink when he encountered a strong emotion. It was adorable. And incredibly rare.

As soon as he pulls the covers over his chest, Geralt glues himself to Jaskier's side, snuggling close. "Feels safer," he says in lieu of explanation.

"Goodnight, dear heart."

"Goodnight."

---

"Fuck," Geralt groans, sitting up in bed. Jaskier sits up beside him, wiping the sleep from his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Good morning, Milord," he teases.

"Shut up," Geralt groans. Jaskier does get to see him blush this time, and the bard revels in it; he would trade all the gold in the world to see Geralt flush like this. "I can't believe I cried on you!"

"It was rather adorable, actually."

"Hmm."

"Still..." Jaskier reaches out, tentative, and cups Geralt's cheek with his palm. He turns the Witcher's face and locks their gazes together, blue meeting gold. "Still, I think I prefer you as you are. My big, strong Witcher who cares so much about defending the little guy. Willing to step in and help wherever and whenever he can."

Geralt's eyes get a little glassy and he leans forward, pausing and letting Jaskier make the final decision. The bard meets him halfway, pressing his lips against Geralt's without any sense of urgency at all. It's warm and sweet, time fading away as they let their feelings pour through this one simple gesture. When they pull apart again, Geralt gives a surprised, lopsided smile. "Oh."

[boldlyvoid]

ain't it fun? | Part five

Summary: reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

Warnings: pregnancy, chronic illness, spencer's career chance - he's a high school teacher now, they have a 1-year-old, smut at the end but not graphic.

word count: 2.8k

a/n: I imagine this is in season 10, so they've been together at least 7 years-ish now, I just jumped well into the future because I wanted to! also, Cordelia's nickname is Edie and pronounced Ee-dee !!

P1 P2 P3 P4

“No.”

Spencer sighs, “are you going to like any of my suggestions?”

“When you give me a baby name that isn’t from some weird old male book character, then yes, I’ll take them into consideration,” she replies, hand on her stomach as she lays back against the pillows.

She was huge, 9 months pregnant and so, so close to the finish line. She was swollen and in pain and exhausted. Going off every single medication and recreational drugs to make a life was a commitment and a half, she was doing well but she was so ready to be done. To do a few more months of breastfeeding and then go back on her medications.

Spencer was terrific. He was googling and asking Penelope to research things, he had called doctors he knows and friends and did everything in his power to find a way to ease her pain even before they got pregnant. He’s taken the last 3 months off of work and he doesn’t know when he’ll go back. He has just been so, so incredible the whole time.

Naming a child was hard. You had to not only think about all the nicknames and what their initials spell, but you also had to think about how they’ll like it; if it’ll fit their personality and spirit. And most of all, is it going to get them bullied? There are some terrible kid names. Like Richard… how do you name a newborn Richard?

“I want something meaningful with a nice nickname and works with our names and her siblings,” she whispered towards him. “They need to all work together.”

“What are some of your favourites?” He asks, moving in closer and finding a way to cuddle in with her and her pregnancy pillow who has all but replaced him lately.

“I like earthy names, like Lennox, Juniper, Aspen, Elowen,” her voice is really soft, she bites her lip at the end as she thinks them over again. “And old things like Cordelia and Winnifred.”

“Which one sounds the best with Reid?”

“I like Cordelia Reid the most, and then we can call her Edie and I was thinking you can pick her middle name?” She’s been thinking about it for a while, but too afraid to know his opinions.

“Cordelia means core in Latin, which makes sense cause she already has my heart,” Spencer teased, he has made it very clear that their little girl is going to be spoiled, loved and a daddy's girl.

He took all his fears of being a bad dad and threw them out the window. He knew that just being there was all he wanted from his dad, and so that’s what he was going to do. He left the BAU for the time being, he was doing the odd lecture at the academy and answering calls for cases. They couldn’t just stop using his brain, there were some things too pressing to not ask the walking computer, but other than that, he was done.

He was looking into other jobs for when he finally decides to go back, he was unsure how long of a paternity leave he wanted. He was really content with just staying home all the time now, but he did miss going out and being useful during the days. The job he was most interested in, however, was a high school teacher.

A prep school in DC is looking into adding an Anthropology, Psychology and Sociology course to their curriculum, and they wanted Spencer. They thought he would be perfect for the seniors, he is fun and young and attentive, he can control a room and keep them entertained, and he’s probably the best teacher a kid could get.

It was going to make him a good dad too.

“I think Jade is a nice middle name,” he adds after thinking it over for a few minutes.

“Cordelia Jade Reid,” she says the full name for the first time and it just feels right, like they already know her.

—

She was very calm for a newborn baby.

She liked to just look around and blink, she licked her lips a lot and she was constantly breaking out of her swaddle. She was always happy to have cuddles with her dad and she pooped every night at exactly at 3 am, without fail. She didn’t cry a lot, but when she did it was still wonderful to hear.

They were so in love with her, she was absolutely perfect for them. She fit right into their sleeping schedule and their life, she ate like a pro, she slept most of the night and she was growing way too fast for their liking.

One day they’re crying over the fact they made a life in a tiny little hospital room, and the next thing they know she’s about to turn 1.

She’s sitting in bed with Y/N, she’s sitting in her lap with two handfuls of hair and a story to tell. She’s been babbling so much lately, she hears them talking all the time and she wants to join so badly. They indulge her, asking her to continue her thoughts and gasping at her gossip.

“No way, and what did you do next?!” She asked the little one sat in her lap.

Edie babbled on once more, smacking her tongue on the roof of her mouth as she pushed air past her vocal cords, humming and making the funniest sounds. She went on and on, she was so enthusiastic, like her father, as she waved her arms around to make her point.

“That is so fascinating, you are so cool, little Edie,” Y/N hyped her up, smiling at her as she leaned in close and pressed their noses together.

Cordelia laughed and it finally made Spencer giggle too, he had been watching from the doorway as his ‘wife’ and daughter talked in bed. They were best friends already, always talking and snuggling, learning or reading together. She was always happy when she was with one of them, she was needy and snuggly and very co-dependent but they didn’t mind, they preferred all the attention from her.

“Look who’s home,” Y/N whispered and Cordelia shot a glance towards the door, she smiled and screamed as she saw him.

“Hi Edie!” He waves at her with a smile, he takes his bag off and places it by the dresser followed by his blazer.

He gets into the bed and she instinctively reaches for a hug. He wraps her up and she snuggles right into his neck, with a fistful of his shirt, she just holds him there. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t home all day anymore, she missed him for lunch and at nap time but she loved the new routine of a snuggle when she woke up and he got home.

Spencer leans back against the pillows beside Y/N, turning his head to capture a kiss from her lips. They always just spend a quick second kissing when he gets home, even if it’s just a peck or a full-on passionate make-out, he always kisses her when he comes home. He smiles at the end of the kiss, pulling her into a hug too.

“I love Fridays,” he whispers, “Edie do you know what Fridays mean?”

She pulls away and sits up, she loves to listen to him. “Friday is the last day of the school week, which means I get to spend 2 whole days with my favourite people now.”

Edie smiled, almost like she understood what he meant, and then she was talking again, it was completely incomprehensible but they imagined she was telling him about her day.

“You forgot the part where we went to the park,” Y/N added.

Cordelia looked at her with wide eyes, “dada,” was the only word she said before babbling on again and they both stopped.

“Did she just?” Spencer was shocked and frozen still after asking.

Y/N sat up and looked right into Cordelia’s eyes, “who is that?” She pointed at Spencer.

“Dada!” She said it again and they were suddenly all squealing, even Cordelia was suddenly excited as she kept screaming dada over and over again.

“Can you say, mom? Or mama? Mummy?” Spencer tried his hardest to find an easy way for her to say it.

“Mumm,” she pushed her lips together to hum her M sound and Spencer was floored, he bounced her up and down a small amount as they cheered.

“Smartest girl in the world!” Spencer cheered her on before pulling her into another hug.

Y/N was crying softly, little tiny dreams that she didn’t even know she had were coming true every single day with them. She knew she wanted to be a mom when she was growing up, all those dreams died when her illness got worse and they all warned her that having kids would put her at risk of being moneyless and that working wasn’t an option to even support them. Let alone the threat of them taking them away just because of her autism or depression possibly being considered ‘too bad’ to care for them.

Spencer took all those fears and he kicked them out. Every day she got to experience the most precious gifts the world had to offer, her daughter was perfect and her husband was incredible. Together they were a perfect little family that ran on trust, love, and communication. Always talking, always hugging, always there for each other.

—

They crawl into bed much later than they expected to. Cordelia didn’t want to go to bed, she was trying her hardest to keep staying awake to spend time with them but eventually, sleep won. They finally placed her in her crib with her white noise and her complete darkness and closed her door for the next few hours of peace.

They both let out a deep sigh before rolling to face one another. “How was your day?” He asks, like always.

“Good,” she smiles, “I think having a kid and getting on her schedule was the best thing I’ve ever done actually, cause I’m sleeping on time, I’m eating when she does and I’m outside a lot more. She’s given me this purpose and it’s rewarding on my body.”

Spencer moves in so he can kiss her nose, “I love hearing that.”

“How was your class today?” She asks back, loving his little stories about all the 17 and 18-year-olds that were fascinated by him. As well as the kids who thought it was cool to try and pick on him before getting the shit verbally kicked out of them in front of the whole class.

It was interesting seeing him in a form of authority, he never really took charge at the BAU, she’s never seen him yell at his friends and he’s never really yelled at her either. He’s been incredibly calm, so to see him verbally tear someone apart by acknowledging their biggest flaws to make sense of why they feel the need to bully, it was pretty intense.

“They were a lot better today, they enjoyed the lesson and the kids that were giving me trouble skipped, I guess he really didn’t appreciate me calling him out that bad on Tuesday,” Spencer smirked, rolling his eyes like he cared.

“I still can’t believe that he thought it was okay to call you names in front of other students, where is the respect these days?”

“Well,” he’s about to do what he always does. He can never be truly mad at someone because he knows why everyone does what they do and that they can’t help it. “In his file, it says his parents are newly divorced, we get a list of all the kids information on the attendance like allergies and things, but also small info like life changes in case they act out.”

“Doesn’t mean he can call you the f slur,” she whispers, “all because you wore a purple shirt?”

“If I met his father I’d probably get an answer for that,” he adds, “if he’s afraid to show his emotions around his son, it’s probably why his son thinks colours are gay.”

It makes her laugh, “you look hot in purple too so I don’t see the problem?”

“Do I?” He teases, getting in even closer and pressing their bodies together.

She rolls her eyes before wrapping her arms around him and leaning forward for a quick kiss, “I think you look sexy all the time.”

He kisses her as a thank you, “I think the same about you.”

“Even when I haven’t showered in 2 days because she cries if she can’t see me and she cries if she gets wet?” Y/N laughed, annoyed but in love with their little monster at the same time.

“Always,” he reminds her. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she kisses him again after.

There are probably a million more things to share from the day, but they spend their time kissing instead. It’s been too long since they’ve just rolled around in the sheets making out like they did in the beginning. Before they ever had sex, before they had kids and a house and a love as strong as they do now.

A part of them missed the early days when everything was new and exciting, but she also loved the fact that they knew each other so well that they didn’t have to communicate anymore. They ran like 1 unit, always completing the other person's thoughts, needs and wants. They were so unbelievably happy.

She wants him badly and he wants her just as much, and he’s about to take her when she pulls back. “Nope, as much as I love her I can’t get pregnant again for at least another year.”

It makes him laugh as he pulls away and rolls over to look through his nightstand for a condom, “it wouldn’t be that bad?”

“You carry it then, seahorse it up,” she teased. “I like being back on my medicine, I need some time to be okay before I go through all that again.”

Once he’s all situated in the latex and back between her legs, he hovers over her, so close that their lips are touching ever so slightly. “I am fine if it’s just the three of us forever.”

“I’m not,” she smiles, “there will be 4 of us one day, just not today.”

With that, she’s pulling him into another kiss as he pushing inside. It’s a feeling she’s accustomed to but will never be used to, it’s a stretch that shouldn’t be as intoxicating as it is. She holds him closer as she plays with his tongue in her mouth.

He was so good at everything he did, especially the sex. He knew every single part of her body now and exactly how to push all her buttons the right way. She could live in the moment of his pumping in and out of her while his thumb circled her clit and his other hand groaned her breasts. Eventually, he kissed down her throat and she was a mess of breathy moans and low gasps.

Writing in the sheets, her legs wrap around him as she tried to pull him in even closer. It was impossible to get closer but he was still too far away, she wanted to absorb him and live in him forever. He was her safe place and she never wanted to be anywhere else.

As her orgasm bubbled, so did his. The both of them gasping and panting, she whined as she breached the edge and gripped his back, “Spence!”

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he whispered before fucking into her harder and faster, pushing her through it as he reached his own.

His movements on her clit never stopped and suddenly one felt like two and she wasn’t sure when the rush was going to stop and she didn’t care when it did. It was powerful, soothing and euphoric. A high she could live in for a while and return to it without problem as long as she had him.

He came with a small moan, trying to keep quiet as he muffled it into her neck, stilling his hips on his last thrust and dropping onto her more. Her hands were all over his back as she pressed kisses to his forehead, coming down but not wanting the love to stop there.

The love was never going to stop there for them. Their love was never-ending, and somehow as she held him there in her arms and felt his breath on his neck, she turned to see the baby monitor with their peaceful child sound asleep down the hall, she loved him even more now somehow.

Loving Spencer Reid was like falling down a bottomless pit. She never knew when she was going to reach the end, but she was content with falling.

smut taglist: @g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria@reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[scribbly-dee]

Inspired by this post

I adore corruption arcs, so I graded how well the non-archivist characters would have damned humanity if they had been the archivist.

Sasha James 11/10, would be an ideal archivist, this plus her height is probably why the stranger monster targeted her before she could peak

I have a soft spot for any au that knows Sasha has never seen a brain cell in her life and that any unhinged!Sasha au is really just a regular Sasha au. Picture it with me. Sasha and Jon have parallel archivist tracks, until Sasha (my beloved show off) decides: you know what would make me more efficient at snooping? Becoming a Human Google. And things accelerate. The Web doesn't even need to bother with subtly magic lighters, it slaps all 14 marks on her at once by pulling up next to Sasha in a windowless van with "free secrets 👍" written on the side.

After the Unknowing, Sasha takes over the institute from Elias instead of Martin and Peter. With Tim dead, Jon in a coma, Martin lonely-snatched, Melanie compulsively homicidal, Daisy in the coffin, and Basira on autopilot, she quickly bonds with Rosie, the ultimate nosiness enabler. Sasha is a fully marked archivist for a good long while, but doesn't start the apocalypse right away because she's eager to read ALL the ominous notes Elias left, so the watcher's crown statement is in her to-be-read pile. When the apocalypse starts (Rosie: "Hey, Sasha, I just read something extra fucked up that Elias wrote, wanna see?" Sasha: "God yes."), she books it to become the pupil with Rosie as her anchor. Mayhapse an anchor-archivist polycule with Archivist Jon and Martin? Mayhapse Jon is just a normal eye avatar here and deeply invested in all of Sasha's eyepocalypse statements, so it's Sasha and her plus-three? Mayhapse it's a race across the eyepocalypse wasteland between Archivist Sasha and Archivist Jon to usurp Jonah and become the pupil?

Tim Stoker 2/10 dude's here for a good time, not a long time

The only way I see this working is if Elias disguises not-stranger clues as circus related so Tim is motivated to investigate. Otherwise, his archival assistants are way more curious than him and disobey his direct orders to 🍹chill🏝. Jon, Sasha, and Martin inadvertently bring marks home to him like cats bring home dead birds. He asserts his agency when he decides the best course of action? Actually? Just blow up the archives. This unfortunately puts him in a false sense of security, and Elias makes him read the watcher's crown statement by cat fishing him on grindr and sending the ritual as a dm mid conversation.

Daisy Tonner - 9/10 archivist, would have started doomsday before she was at the archivist job long enough to use her PTO

Daisy already had a lot of experience hunting down fear-entity-related people in sectioned cases, which means she possibly canonically already has all the marks from just hunting avatars who use their powers in self defense. The reason she lost one point is because she's too much of a jock to read, only nerds are culpable to watcher crown statements, so this would be the only delay but oh what a delay it will be.

Melanie King - 7/10 archivist, points awarded for achieving her breakthroughs by smashing her head against a wall until she literally breaks through, points deducted for doing so in full clown makeup.

If Jon got a handful of marks by just asking anoying questions in the same room as an avatar, imagine how much faster Melanie would get marks by bringing her trademark Chaotic Brat personality on fear entity investigations. The apocalypse would have started in like two seasons: one season to hire her off the streets and establish shakey, complex relationships with her new assistants (Jon and Sasha put in the time with the institute but were passed over on this promotion for some random YouTuber (plus they're tighter with Tim and Martin, so proletarian solidarity against the boss)).

Then a second season to stab every mark and get stabbed in return. Melanie would blitz through all 14 marks because what precious little impulse control she starts with is slowly replaced with slaughter juice. One fun moral ambiguity to explore could be if Melanie tries to use her new, dangerous Eye/Slaughter powers to revive her reputation and platform in the supernatural community now that she can, ya know, identify supernatural things for the first time ever. Does she acknowledge her entire career up to her hospital episode apparently only investigated fake sightings? A better question to ask is whether Basira, Tim, and Jon ever let her live down how Ghost Hunt UK's professional dignity was contingent on the legitimacy of her sCiEnTiFiC gHoSt eQuIpMeNt in those episodes, so the temperature spikes set to dramatic music were well and truly just temperature spikes and dramatic music. Sasha found a clip of that music playing as Melanie narrates "it's a message... from the other side..." and made it as her text tone.

Also, it would be hilarious if Melanie tried to kill Jonah on sight in the panopticon, once again botched assassination attempt number 1,963,538, and then Jon quietly snuck in to finish the job on his first try just like in canon.

Jon: "What, like it's hard?"

Basira Hussain 3/10 archivist, her eye alignment manifests as office gossip, like a normal person

Basira has the most formidable super power of all: the power to nope tf out of any conversation or plan she wants. She therefore would probably take 10x longer to start the apocalypse than any other archivist because her fatal flaw is refusal to directly engage with a lot of personally difficult things (like the slaughter bullet surgery she organized, Daisy In General, etc). The marks will be slow going if she resists putting her safety on the line or invests time in making good plans (which is smart, but unhelpful for dooming humanity). She would for sure still get marked and end the world because once she's convinced of a plan (aka Elias convinces her of a plan), she's ruthlessly efficient. So I'd stay out of her way that last year or two, she marks the entities right back at them.

Martin Blackwood 2/10 archivist, considering a prerequisite for creepy eye avatar staring is the ability to make eye contact.

S1 Archivist Martin would probably dote too much on the employees under him to be hugely susceptible to Elias' isolation-dependant manipulation. Any progress Martin inadvertently achieves toward the watcher's crown goal would have to be contingent on it helping his loved ones, which is perfect fuel for a "corrupted by good intentions" arc. This would be key because Martin has superb bullshit and manipulation detection, making the marks are tricky but not impossible to orchistrate considering Jon can't stay put in a safe corner for 10 minutes and Martin's mother would refuse to stay with him where she's safe from avatar threats.

Imagine the petty drama when Jon and Sasha learn he got the promotion they wanted because he lied on his CV.

Other than that, Martin would be even worse about pit stops on the apocalypse road trip than Jon because his Kill Bill mode would have no off switch. Does Archivist!Martin and his anchor Jon ever reach the panopticon? Eventually, but not until after they lose points for significantly reducing the apocalypse fear quantity. Would Annabelle survive to deliver her cryptic MaCHiNAtIoNs and achieve the Web's goal? Hard No, additional point reduction for neutralizing the multiverse invasion. Points potentially earned back if Martin's Web connection is strong enough to come up with the multiverse invasion plan on his own, though.

Georgie Barker 4/10, as a fearless coward, all the fear she feeds to the entities would be khaki flavored. They'd get their apocalypse, but they probably wouldn't enjoy the meal.

Similar to Basira, Georgie has the super power to Fuck This Shit I'm Out. She would overall be a subpar humanity damning archivist; a major archivist success factor of Jon's is that he has enough affective empathy to be afraid with every statement giver he reads, so when Jon archives a statement, he unintentionally contributes to the fear soup seasoning. Combined with how Georgie doesn't want anything to do with entity drama, so any corruption specific to the watcher's crown would stagnate. Even her casual exposition conversations would go like

Georgie: "I've connected no dots."

Melanie: "you've connected a lot of dots??"

Georgie: "I've connected shit all dots."

The reason she gets one more point than Basira is because Georgie's fatal flaw is the passive observer quality the Eye tried to stoke in Jon. Her level of engagement oscillates between two extremes, impulsive over commitment and judging from a distance. This would probably lead her to geting involved just long enough for her involvement to become irreversible, at which point she would try to cut that shit out of her life after it's trapped her. She'd linger, barricading herself on the margins of this problem as the marks that are targeted at her slowly tally up until boom. Apocalypse is on and she only half understands what's happening.

Georgie would wander around an apocalypse hellscape confused, but vibes and physical health fully intact. Anchor!Melanie would have quite the emotional journey starting with Georgie on that pedestal Melanie placed her, and ending with a slaughter avatar stabbing the person who convinced her to work on her slaughter inclination.