#yes give me characters forgiving the unforgivable over and over again instead of leaving.

[otrtbs]

not ppl hating on ahb! bc the whirlwind romance of it all is an unbelievable trope and for it to happen with three separate couples is just so unrealistic. like. my brother in christ that's the point of this fucking fanfic thanks for noticing.

i prommy nobody is rawdogging piloting a plane over an ocean either. or building life-sized replicas of museums for practice heists. LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. no need 2 tell me u fucking hated it. just keep ur mouth closed and get the fuck out!

[yellowsuitcase]

Detention // Draco Malfoy

A/N: This is a request for @youknowiloveyou-so I hope you like it! The prompts you choose got me super excited. The beginning is rough because we have limited knowledge of what really went on inside Hogwarts during the Deathly Hallows, but I did my best. 

Summary: During Y/n and Draco’s 7th year at Hogwarts some of the Professors aren’t very forgiving, and Y/N gets punished by one of them. Angst and fluff follow.

Warning(s): SPOILERS!!! Graphic descriptions of violence(tw: knives are used to cut character’s arms), mentions of blood, swearing

Word Count: 3.4k

Prompts: #2 #10 #19 #29 #58 #96

{Prompt list}

This is not what Y/N imagined her final year at Hogwarts to be. To be fair, it wasn’t what anyone imagined it to be. Now with Snape as headmaster, things weren’t exactly pleasant. Not to mention the fact some of their professors had been replaced with Death Eaters. 

Y/N was lucky to even be attending Hogwarts. Her muggle-born friends had not been allowed back into the castle. But perhaps that was better for them. That way, they wouldn’t be forced to cast the unforgivable curses onto other students. 

The only thing bringing Y/N joy during these times was her boyfriend, Draco Malfoy. He was higher up on the totem pole than most students, due to his status as a Death Eater. Y/N thought at first that being his girlfriend might prevent her from being bullied by the professors. She was wrong. This seemed to make her stand out more to her professors. They loved calling on her for almost every question. They would sneer at her when they called her name, and when she didn’t know the answer to their inquiry, they would say demeaning things like, “Would you look at that, Malfoy’s toy isn’t very smart is she?” The class would then be forced to laugh at the professor’s joke. 

Somehow, Y/N had managed to make it through the first of three terms without getting in trouble. But that changed when she walked into her Muggle Studies class with Professor Alecto Carrow.

“Sit down. Hands out in front of you on top of your desk, you know the drill,” Professor Carrow said. 

Y/N dreaded Muggle Studies. The class consisted of Carrow spewing complete lies about muggles and the muggle world. Almost every lesson would begin with calling on a pureblood student and then asking them to pick a half-blood student to practice hexes and jinxes on. Y/N had avoided being chosen to do this because many of the students selected by Carrow would refuse. This resulted in them receiving detention, not to mention continuously being called on every class until they caved and did what Carrow had demanded of them.

Y/N could only imagine what was done to those students in detention. When they’d come back to class the next day, they’d have numerous cuts all over their faces. Or sometimes they’d be limping around. On a few occasions, they’d come back without a finger. Poor Madam Pomfrey could only heal so many students. 

But today, when Y/N sat down at her desk and placed her palms face down on the cold wooden desk, she knew something was up. She watched as Professor Carrow scanned each student's face before her eyes stopped on Y/N’s.

 “Ms. Y/L/N. Why don’t you do the honors of picking a half-blood? You haven’t got to choose anyone yet, and I believe it’s about time you did.”

All eyes turned to her. Y/N begrudgingly rose to her feet, but she stayed silent. 

“Pick someone before I pick for you,” Carrow commanded.

Y/N remained silent. There was no way in hell she was going to hex anyone simply for the amusement of a Death Eater.

“Pavarti Patil. Stand up.”

Y/N’s heart stopped. Parvati was one of her closest friends. They’d grown up in the same neighborhood, they used to play gobstones every Sunday. Y/N thought of Parvati as a sister. There was no way she’d ever be able to hurt her.

Y/N heard Pavarti rise from her chair. She couldn’t bring herself to even look at her friend. It would’ve made the situation that much more real. But Carrow didn’t like this. With a flick of her wand, she forced Y/N’s head to turn. Pavarti looked utterly terrified. The pit in Y/N’s stomach grew. 

Carrow smirked as she said, “Cast the stinging jinx.”

“No,” Y/n said firmly. A few gasps could be heard. Nobody had explicitly told Professor Carrow no.

“The sea urchin jinx, perhaps?”

“No.”

“I’ll suggest one more, Densaugeo.”

Densaugeo was a hex that elongated a person’s teeth. It was an awful experience for the unlucky victim, and Y/N was not about to cast it on Pavarti. So once again, she said, 

“No.”

It was like a switch flipped, and suddenly Carrow raised her wand and shouted. “Imperio!”

An eerie sense of calm overtook Y/N. Without thinking, she raised her wand towards Pavarti and said, “Densaugeo!”

Pavarti squeezed her eyes tight as the spell was cast. Then she began to shriek. Her teeth began to grow and grow. Students gasped as they watched the horrific sight in front of them. Some of the Slytherins laughed when Parvati started to cry. Her two front teeth were now past her chin. 

Y/N lowered her arm, still feeling calm. Once the laughter died down, and Pavarti was able to catch her breath and stop her tears, Y/N cast another spell; the sea urchin jinx. Little spikes began to burst out from underneath the Gryffindor’s skin, her screams once again filled the air. Spikes burst underneath her eyes, in between her fingers, and even around her neck. One wrong move and she could seriously injure herself. She stood with her arms outstretched, tears once again falling while students covered their eyes to avoid looking at her.

Y/N only watched as Pavarti cried. She felt no inclination to help her friend.

“Let’s do one more, shall we class?” Professor Carrow asked. This time, she gave her command to Y/N out loud.

“Crucio her.”

Y/N once again raised her wand. Parvati was in hysterics now, pleading for Y/N not to do it. But it was to no avail. 

“Crucio.”

Parvati’s body spasmed as jolts of agonizing pain coursed through her veins. Nobody made a peep. The only thing that could be heard was her anguished screams. The spikes on her body pierced her skin every time her body convulsed. Her blood quickly gathered into a puddle on the floor. Y/N didn’t feel anything as she watched the girl howl and writhe. She felt numb almost.

Until Carrow lifted the curse. Parvati collapsed onto the ground, her teeth, and the spikes slowly shrunk in size. Y/N stumbled backward, nearly tripping over her chair as she came to her senses. “I just cast an unforgivable curse,” she thought to herself. 

Her heart began to pound as the reality of the situation set in. She looked up at Carrow, who was smiling at her. 

“Detention, tonight at eight in my office. Don’t be late.”

---------

Y/N looked at the clock. It was seven forty. Twenty minutes until she was expected in Alecto Carrow’s office to receive her punishment. Her stomach churned at the thought.

She purposefully avoided Draco for the rest of that day. Whenever he saw her in the hallway, Y/N would turn the other way. She knew Draco would be able to tell something was wrong, and she didn’t think she’d be able to speak the words out loud to him when he asked.

She decided that she ought to arrive early for her detention. Maybe that way it could end sooner. She shifted her bag onto her shoulder and started the walk to Carrow’s office. As she was walking, she heard footsteps behind her. 

“Y/N, wait up,” Draco called.

“Fuck,” Y/N muttered as she came to a halt, allowing Draco to catch up to her.

“Where are you off to?” he asked.

“My dorms,” she answered curtly.

“Are you alright, darling?” Draco asked, his voice laced with concern.

“Yes, Draco.”

“No offense but that wasn’t very convincing.I know you’ve been crying. Are you okay?”

“Fuck off, Draco. Leave me alone.”

Draco looked as if he’d been slapped across the face. His eyes flashed with hurt. Y/N instantly regretted her words. 

“Shit, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m not okay. But I can’t talk to you about it. Not right now.”

Draco pursed his lips. He nodded without saying a word, obviously still reeling from her outburst. 

Y/N took this as her cue to leave. She didn’t want to cause any more damage. “I’m sorry. I’ll see you later,” she said as she rushed off towards Carrow’s office; she only had a few minutes left to get there.

Draco stood in the hallway, watching her run away. He took note that she took a left turn instead of a right turn. Meaning she was lying about where she was going. His eyebrows knit together. What was she hiding from him?

--------

Inside Carrow’s office, there was only a desk and a chair. The walls were bare. Carrow paced on the other side of the desk.

“Ah, Malfoy’s toy, you’ve finally arrived.” Carrow walked over to Y/N and promptly gave her a jarring slap across the face.

“That’s for almost being late.”

Y/N kept her expression blank, not wanting to give her any sort of reaction.

“Sit. Hands on top of the desk.”

Y/N obeyed, fear started to settle in her gut. Carrow walked around the desk, running the tip of her wand up Y/N’s jawline as she circled her. She did her best not to tremble, but she couldn’t help it.

“Aww, look at you. Are you scared of me?” Carrow taunted. “You should be.”

Carrow returned to the opposite side of the desk, where she reached inside a drawer and pulled out a bottle of dark purple liquid. 

“Drink up,” she said with a smirk.

Y/N knew she didn’t have a choice. She picked up the bottle with shaky hands, pulled the cork off the top, and downed the potion. It tasted like Bertie Bott’s rotten egg flavored jelly beans. She lowered the bottle back onto the desk and wiped her mouth with her sleeve. 

Her body began to feel cold. Her skin started to turn purple. With every second that passed, she grew more and more chilly until her skin felt as though it had turned to ice. Her teeth chattered, and she began to bring her hands to her chest, but they were abruptly slapped by Carrow.

Her body was shaking uncontrollably, desperately trying to create warmth, but to no avail. Carrow observed Y/N with an evil glint in her eye.

With each minute that passed, her body grew tighter and tighter. First, she lost mobility in her toes, then her legs, then each of her fingers one by one. The panic in her chest rose as the burning cold spread throughout her body. Soon enough, she was unable to move from the neck down. Y/N felt as though she was suffocating, her chest barely rose with her shallow breaths, and her body felt like it was frozen from the inside out.

But before her head froze, Carrow dissolved the effects of the potion with a simple wave of her wand. Y/N let out a huge breath as she began to regain feeling in her body. 

“How was that? This potion was banned back in 1954, but I thought it would be nice to brew it just for you. You’re lucky I didn’t let you experience its full effect. Legend has it there are people currently buried underground, presumed to be dead. However, in reality, they’re just frozen solid, but still alive, still conscious.”

Y/N pushed the mental image of being buried alive away. Instead, she began to prepare herself since she knew this wasn’t all Carrow had planned for her. Her suspicions were confirmed when she tapped her wand to Y/N’s arms, sticking them to the desk. 

When Carrow pulled a knife from her desk drawer, Y/N really began to panic. She desperately tried to yank her arms off the desk. Carrow seemed to get a real kick from the sight of her struggle. 

Slowly and steadily, she pressed the blade of the knife into her outer forearm. Y/N felt the knife break her skin, and she could only watch as blood flowed from the fresh gash. Carrow lifted the knife and once again made another cut on her arm. She did this again and again until Y/N let a sob fall from her lips. The desk was now covered in her blood.

Carrow laughed maniacally as she flipped the knife around, the butt end of the handle facing Y/N’s arms. Without warning, she raised it up and slammed it into the first cut she’d made. Then into the second, the third, the fourth, and so on until she’d dug the handle into every wound on her arms. 

Y/N could no longer hold back any of her screams. The sensation of the heavy metal handle being driven and twisted into her cuts was more than she could take. Every time Carrow slammed it onto her forearms, white-hot flashes of pain would jolt through her body.

“What a pathetic excuse for a witch, you are. I mean, really, what does he see in you? You can’t truly mean anything to Draco. I bet he keeps you around just to play with you and use you. You’re just a toy to him. And one day, he’ll grow tired of you, won’t want to play with you anymore. Then he’ll throw you out. You’ll be nothing without him. Won’t you?”

Y/N bit her lip to stop a cry from escaping her throat. Carrow’s words cut deeper than she cared to admit. 

“How about we make sure you always know your place, hmm? Let’s give you a permanent reminder of what you are,” Carrow said as she picked up the knife once again and flipped Y/N’s right arm over so that her inner forearm was showing. She dipped the blade of the knife into a jar containing a black, jellylike substance. Then she dug the tip of the knife into Y/N’s flesh and dragged downwards. “This will be good for you. I wonder what Draco will think when he sees it.”

Y/N nearly fainted from the pain of the blade gliding through her. Her arm tensed viciously in reaction to the dark magic being embedded into her skin. At that moment, all she knew was pain. When Carrow had finished, she smiled, “Done. Take a look.”

Curiosity got the best of her, and Y/N let her eyes drift over to her arm. There on her arm, carved into her bruised skin, was the word ‘Toy.’

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Carrow asked.

All Y/N could do was cry. She cried and cried until suddenly, everything went dark.

----------

Y/N awoke to the sounds of someone weeping. She gradually opened her eyes. There sat Draco, his head in his hands. 

He sensed eyes on him and lifted his face. 

“You’re awake! Oh, thank Merlin,” Draco said while he wiped away his tears. 

Y/N’s first instinct was to look at her arms, they were covered in bandages. She rushed to lift the one around her right arm. She needed to see it, see if it was really there.

Sure enough, the word was still carved into her flesh. The other cuts Carrow had slashed onto her skin were nearly gone, the effects of dittany preventing them from scarring. But it seems ‘Toy’ really would be permanent. 

“What’s wrong?” Draco asked, reaching for Y/N’s arm. She pulled it to her chest, not wanting Draco to see. He looked at her with a perplexed expression and reached for her arm again.

“Don’t touch me,” She said firmly. Draco put his hands up in the air, trying to show his girlfriend that he meant no harm. But she wasn’t in her right mind. Whatever happened to her had gravely impacted her. She had never refused Draco’s touch before. He felt his anger grow, his chest began to heave the more he looked at Y/N’s trembling shoulders as she wept silent tears.

Before he could say anything more, Madam Pomfrey came to Y/N’s bedside. She looked at her pitifully and then turned to Draco. “Give her this if she’s unable to calm down. You can escort her back to her dorms now,” she said as she handed Draco a draught of the living peace potion. 

The sight of this seemed to frighten Y/N even more. “What is that? What will it do to me? Don’t make me drink it, I don’t want it!” she exclaimed, her panic-stricken eyes shifting back and forth from Draco to Madam Pomfrey.

“Ms. Y/L/N, this is the draught of the living peace potion. It’ll soothe your anxiety and put your mind at ease. It will cause you no harm, I promise.”

Y/N nodded and began to relax, but her shoulders were still rising and falling at a worryingly fast pace. 

“Let’s get you out of here. Come on,” Draco said gently, his volume barely over a whisper. Y/N complied and pulled back the covers on the medical bed. She allowed Draco to take her hand as she slid off the cot. He grasped it, softly, wanting his grip to be grounding for her but not aggressive.

He led her through the halls, shielding her from the gaze of onlooking students. All he had to do was look at them, and they’d immediately avert their eyes. 

Soon enough, they arrived at Y/N’s dorms. But to her surprise, Draco took her right past the entrance.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“My prefect room. We can talk freely there.”

And so they took a few more turns and headed up the stairs to Draco’s room. His bed was big enough for both of them to sit across from each other, legs crossed. They did so in silence for a few moments before Draco asked,

“Who did this to you?”

Y/N looked at her lap. “Professor Carrow. She gave me detention for refusing to hex Pavarti.”

Draco sighed angrily. He knew there was nothing he could do about Carrow. Quite frankly, she and the rest of the Death Eaters didn’t like him and his family. They thought the Malfoys to be cowards. Confronting Carrow would only result in more taunting of his family, and likely more detentions for Y/N.

“I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done. I knew what I was getting into when I refused. And it didn’t matter anyway, she imperioed me. I had no choice but to hurt Pavarti. I’m sure she hates me now,” Y/N said solemnly.

“Don’t talk that way, Parvati would have to be thick not to forgive you. You were under the imperius curse. She can’t blame you for anything you did to her while under that spell.”

“I suppose you’re right. I still feel bad about it, though. Carrow made me crucio her, Draco. And did you not see her in the hospital wing? She’s got marks all over her body. I did that to her.”

“Stop that right now, you don’t get to blame yourself for this. You said it yourself, you had no choice. You’ve got to forgive yourself, or you’ll never be able to move on.”

Y/N looked up at Draco. He was staring at her intently. He needed her to believe the words he was saying were true. 

She nodded and ran her hands through her hair. This seemed to put Draco at ease until he caught sight of her arm. He reached out his hand, silently asking her if he could see her wound. Y/N hesitated but turned her inner wrist outward so he could see. He gently held her arm in his calloused hands. A deep frown settled on his face when he read the word. “She did this because of me, didn’t she?” he asked.

Y/N only nodded, but the confirmation of his question lit a fire in Draco’s eyes. “I’ll kill her,” he said while getting to his feet. “One of these days I’ll kill her,” he was pacing now. “How dare she do this to you.” His voice was laced with venom as he spat his words.

“Draco, you know you can’t do that. And it’s not your fault. I knew what I signed up for when I asked you to be with me. It’s okay. I’m here now.”

“I know I just thought… fuck I’m so angry I —” He stopped mid-sentence and sighed. 

“Can I hold you? I need to hold you.”

Y/n smiled softly at him. She held out her arms, and Draco didn’t skip a beat before rushing into them. He lifted her up, putting his hand beneath her for support. Y/N rested her head on his shoulder, finally feeling a sense of calm. 

Draco swayed side to side, soothing the girl in his arms. “You’re safe,” he whispered into her ear before placing a tender kiss on her nape. He felt her relax in his hold. They stayed this way for quite some time, swaying. Draco made sure to remind her she was safe and gave her many kisses. He then began to hum, hoping it would lull his girlfriend to sleep. It eventually did, but just before she drifted into dreamland, Draco heard her whisper a soft “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

[cryingcow]

Character Story - Kashiwagi [RGGO]

Tonight’s story is about Mr. Cold Noodle Lover, He-Who-Got-Machine-Gun-Kiss’d, Kashiwagi! Thank you to @katedrawscomics, @blurred-voices, @majimemegoro​, @chaoticcandies, @majjiktricks for the request! This time, I’m using the cooler card immediately :D

Story: Kashiwagi deals with a coup d’etat and stress-eats cold noodles, both of which is Kiryu’s fault.

Kashiwagi: “I like eating cold noodles here whenever I’m stressed.”

Shopkeeper: “. . . But you’re here everyday for the last 10 years?”

Kashiwagi: *slurps noodles loudly*

Note: Gastroptosis, literally gastro = “stomach” and ptosis = “drop down”. A non-life threatening disease where the stomach is displaced downward to the point that part of it reaches the hip bones (see xray in the link). It’s characterized by slow motility, so there may be belching, indigestion, distension, etc. In ye olde times, corsets were used to increase the abdominal pressure to reduce its occurence; nowadays abdominal bandages can be used.

.

CHAPTER 1

.

|One day in 2006 . . .|

Kashiwagi: “. . .”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Boss!”

Kashiwagi: “Calm down.  . . . What is it?”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “The Komai Family members have been encroaching on our territory!”

Kashiwagi: “Where is this territory?”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “It’s a mahjong parlor on Shichifuku Street. It’s called ‘Aobaen’ . . . !”

Kashiwagi: “Leave it.”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Eh?!”

Kashiwagi: “Protecting that broke mahjong parlor isn’t necessary, don’t bother going to the trouble. Besides, the store manager there hides mahjong bets and pockets them. He should have a taste of some other family’s collection at least once.”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Even so, isn’t it our territory?! To just give it away free of charge . . . !”

Kashiwagi: “Is it strange?”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “It’s ridiculous! Won’t they think we’re cowards?!”

Kashiwagi: “. . .”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Ah . . . I-I’m sorry!! I spoke out of turn!!”

Kashiwagi: “It’s fine. Rather, report to everyone my orders. I’m going out.”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “. . . Yes. Thank you for your hard work.”

----

Kashiwagi: “. . .”

Komai Family member: “Good evening. Head Kashiwagi.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Komai Family? What’s this about?”

Komai Family member: “Hehehe . . . I would love to hear what you think of the Tojo Clan these days.”

Kashiwagi: “What are you trying to say.”

Komai Family member: “Terada of the Omi took the top spot . . . what are you doing on behalf of the young acting head?”

Kashiwagi: “. . .”

Komai Family member: “The old faces of the Tojo Clan have been crushed . . . moreover, it was ‘that’ Kiryu who nominated Terada. Can it be helped that the Kazama Family is believed to be a plague on the Tojo Clan . . . ?”

Kashiwagi: “Get to the point.”

Komai Family member: “I’m saying you can’t be entrusted to look after things! First we’ll take your territories . . . and then we’ll let you die here!!”

{Kashiwagi kicks his butt.}

Komai Family member: “What . . . ?! Eh? S-Strong . . . ?!”

Kashiwagi: “Right now the Tojo Clan’s backbone is shaky. There’s a roadblock in picking who’ll be in the inner circle. Terada’s true intentions cannot be measured, but it is a fact that he is the current chairman. He can’t make waves on his own without permission.”

Komai Family member: “Uugh . . .”

Kashiwagi: “Got it?”

Komai Family member: “Y-Yes . . . !”

{Kashiwagi leaves.}

Komai Family member: “The Head had such strength . . .  ?!”

.

-END-

.

CHAPTER 2

.

|To continue, one day in 2006 . . .|

Kashiwagi: “Phew . . . Chief, thank you for the meal.”

Shopkeeper: “As always. Kashiwagi-san, you really like cold noodles.”

Kashiwagi: “I like cold noodles ‘here’.”

Shopkeeper: “Thank you.  . . . Is something troubling you?”

Kashiwagi: “. . . How do you know?”

Shopkeeper: “That’s because I’ve known you for more than 10 years. When you eat cold noodles silently and with great momentum, it’s usually when you’re worried about work.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . I’ve been placed in a position that doesn’t fit me and I don’t know how to maneuver around it . . . I’m putting you on the spot.”

Shopkeeper: “It’s okay. Kashiwagi-san, though you may look different compared to the old days . . . Nothing has changed inside. You can do things the way you want. Compassionate, respects justice . . . and unforgiving. You’re the kind of good yakuza that has become less common in this city. To me, at least.”

Kashiwagi: “. . . Heh. Thank you. I’ll drop by again.”

Shopkeeper: “Yeah! Looking forward to it!”

----

Kashiwagi: “Phew . . . I ate too much . . .”

Komai Family member: “Did you enjoy your last supper? Kashiwagi . . .”

Kashiwagi: “It’s you guys again. Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?”

Komai Family member: “He, hehehe. I was a bit surprised the other day . . . Today, I’ve scrounged up all our footsoldiers. It’s not just my family, it’s a joint coup d’etat with five other direct line families. This time we’ll kill you and crush the Kazama Family for always getting in the way. Then all the Tojo Clan veterans will come together and kill everyone in Terada’s corner. That way, we will be the rulers of the Tojo Clan’s yakuza society . . . !”

Kashiwagi: “I’ll give you some advice. It’s impossible for you guys. It’s outside your capacity.”

Komai Family member: “You’re telling me that? You’re the one acting as a decorative Head!!”

Kashiwagi: “Is it useless to talk this out . . . ? I just arrived here . . . and ate too much just now.”

Komai Family member: “Huh??”

Kashiwagi: “I’m likely to get gastroptosis if I move in this state. I’m told by my doctor not to overdo it.”

Komai Family member: “You think you can afford to make light of this situation . . . the time for chatting is over. Oi! Kill! Everyone kill him!!”

{Kashiwagi kicks everyone’s butts again.}

Komai Family member: “S-Stupid . . . against this many people . . . !!”

Kashiwagi: “Is that all? I guess I didn’t have to worry about gastroptosis.”

Komai Family member: “. . . ku, kukuku . . . !”

Kashiwagi: “What’s so funny?”

Komai Family member: “I’m laughing at your stupidity . . . ! This coup is ‘simultaneous’. Not just here, but also the Kazama Family office and the Kazama Family territory. We’re attacking everywhere.”

Kashiwagi: “What . . . ?!”

Komai Family member: “Shouldn’t the shop you eat cold noodles at be on fire at around this time? Hyahyahyahyahya!”

Kashiwagi: “. . . . . . What did you say just now?”

Komai Family member: “I said, around this time that shop is . . .”

Kashiwagi: “Do you even hear what you’re saying?!?!”

Komai Family member: “Hii?! Ehh. No, that is, we’re burning the shop . . .”

Kashiwagi: “None of you move a single step from here. If you move . . . I’ll kill you.”

Komai Family member: “Y-Yes!!”

{Kashiwagi leaves.}

Komai Family member: “Wh-Whoa . . . !!”

.

-END-

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CHAPTER 3

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|To continue, one day in 2006 . . .|

Shopkeeper: “S-Stop it!”

Tojo Clan member: “Keep going! Let’s go over high heat~!!”

Kashiwagi: “Wait!!!!”

Shopkeeper: “Ka-Kashiwagi-san . . . !!”

Tojo Clan member: “Huh?? Did the Komai Family guys fail . . . ?!”

Kashiwagi: “To have the nerve to burn down this shop . . . Are you ready?”

Tojo Clan member: “You’re surprisingly exercising your authority today, Head. Does it please you to the utmost?”

Shopkeeper: “Kashiwagi-san!”

Kashiwagi: “Don’t worry. It’s alright, I’ll do things my way.”

Tojo Clan member: “Everyone! Aim for a dazzling victory!! Just do it!!!!”

{Kashiwagi kicks more people’s butts.}

Tojo Clan member: “Th-That’s ridiculous . . . ?!”

Shopkeeper: “Kashiwagi-san! Are you okay?!”

Kashiwagi: “Heh. I’m just a bit worried about gastroptosis.”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Boss!!”

Kashiwagi: “Oh. How’s the office?”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “It’s been cleaned up.”

Kashiwagi: “I appreciate your efforts.”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Good grief . . . Boss didn’t show up at the office, so I figured you’d be here.”

Kashiwagi: “Heh. The office has you guys. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “. . . Hehe.”

Kashiwagi: “Oh, you guys!!”

Tojo Clan member: “Y-Yes?!”

Kashiwagi: “The Tojo Clan suddenly came under the control of people from the Omi . . . I understand how dissatisfied you all are. So, I take responsibility. I will not get rid of you.”

Tojo Clan member: “Eh . . . ?!”

Kashiwagi: “But Terada is the man Kiryu chose. I believe in Kiryu. You guys should believe too.”

Tojo Clan member: “Head . . . Far from blaming those of us who betrayed you, you lower your head instead . . . ?!”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Hehe. compassionate, respects justice, unforgiving . . . and stronger than anyone! That’s our boss, Kashiwagi Osamu! Don’t you know?”

Tojo Clan member: “Uugh, kuh . . . ! What caliber . . . Please forgive us, Head!!”

Kazama Family footsoldier: “Hehehe. One situation has been dealt with, Boss.”

Kashiwagi: “Yeah. Now, how about we eat another bowl? Chief, could we?”

Shopkeeper: “Of course! I’ll show off my special skills today!”

Kashiwagi: “Heh. I’m looking forward to it!”

.

-END-

Masterlist

[mintseesaw]

Aurora | 2

aurora - n. dawn Pairing: general!jungkook x princess!reader Genre: angst, smut, historical au, joseon dynasty au, established relationship au, secret love affair au Word count: 7.9k Warnings: smut, outdoor sex, rough sex, details of struggles due to war, manifestation and mentions of hallucinations, lewd dreams, manifestation of character dynamic Summary:  A story that centers on a forbidden love affair amidst the centuries-long war of greed and power. Rating: explicit mature content Disclaimer: based on King Sejong’s time, yet is fictional and not historically accurate note: uhm,,, I’m sorry?? yfasksksdkh song recs for this chapter: still with you (jungkook) and through the night (IU)

With your back facing the front lawn of the house kneeling as you lay the fresh mint leaves onto the fabric covered bamboo mat, you scramble in your feet when you hear the distinct sound of the wicket opening to reveal the person you have been expecting home for an hour ago. That was what Jungkook had caught you up in, drying some greens for his daily dose of tea he has grown fond of over the course of months of your marriage.

“Jungkook, you’re back. What did the king want from you?” You asked, expectantly. Of course, he had anticipated your curiosity when the king, whom you have no contact with since your marriage, suddenly summoned him. Your husband. Jungkook did not respond as he greets you with an embrace and a soft peck on top of your head. “Seobang-nim,” you call, however, Jungkook has other intentions rather than entertain your curiosity. “I miss you, wife.” He mumbles against your temple. Your mouth slowly curves into a smile. His sweet, little remarks always win a reaction from you. “You saw me before you went to the palace.” “Still…” Jungkook trails, proceeding with his very intention through the tiny prurient squeezes of his palms on your hips. Adamant to know more about his itinerary, you lightly pull back to peer at your indifferent husband. His grip intentionally loosens, but not enough to let you go. Yet, it was an opportunity for you to increase your proximity. “Tell me, what was the purpose of your visit? Why would His Majesty suddenly summon you?” With your tilted head and focused, expectant eyes, waiting for him to supply you an answer, he draws a heavy sigh. “He wants me back in the service. Did it answer your curiosity, wife? Now, can I indulge my breakfast? I did not have a proper meal last night, wife.” He sentiments, with a trickle of provocative tone in his whisper. He sees you peeking from your eyelashes, giving him a glare, as if silently scolding him for obnoxiously lying through his teeth. However, before you could accuse him of anything, a small yelp instead broke out from your throat as Jungkook lunges forward, using his obvious advantage to make his lewd thoughts a reality. Given your unsuspecting mind and feeble-like strength due to last night’s steamy activities, Jungkook is well aware you had not regain your stamina just yet to oppose his advances. With the evidence of his arousal pressing deliciously against your stomach, your protests were swallowed as he devours your mouth whole. His hands on your nape controlling his ministration and on the small of your back maneuvering your length right against his towering built. Contentious with his early carnal needs, you try to keep your heavy-lidded eyes open as the warmth of his mouth spreads so heavenly on the length of your neck.

“Jungkook,” He hears you mewl. His mouth twitched, just by your weakening grip onto the fabric of his robe and your soft, breathless call of his name tell him your supposed defiance is slowly disappearing into bubbles of vapor. As his constricting arousal longs for your tight, warm sheath, he wasted no more time, hoisting you up in his embrace and strutted effortlessly towards the terrace. Carefully, he laid you flat against the timber-made floor, then swiftly hovers your body in between your thighs with his arms supporting his weight above you. With urgency, he shuffles through the multi-layered articles of your skirt, lifting them up until your undergarments are visible enough for him to be able to pull the strings to remove the tiny piece of fabric hiding his hidden gem. In other times, he would show you just how much he loves worshipping every inch of your body through his mouth and fingers without losing the momentum, if not inflaming his desire more. But right now, he just needs to fill you up good, fast and hard. As he proceeds to open his robe, pulling the strings of his baji to free his length, he felt the warm squeeze of your hand in his arm. His dark, lustful eyes squinted to yours. “Jungkook, someone might come in.” You attempted to argue in between your rapid intake of breaths. With an arch of his eyebrow, he manage to make a point to ease your worry, “We have not had a visitor since our marriage, Jagi. Do not worry about it. Have you not seen me locked the door when I arrived?” You shook your head, not trusting your voice. But as he releases his aroused member, he caught your pellucid eyes as hunger slowly replaces your supposed hesitation. Knowing he has gained all your focus now, specifically in his bare lower region, Jungkook pumps his sleek length. Your loose grip in his arm gradually closes tightly, your teeth piercing through the suppleness of your lip. He couldn’t wait any moment longer, he nudges his head on the curve of your neck to counter the tremors of lust coursing through his body, giving you a second more before he loses it all. With his skillful fingers, he uncovers your dripping core. His awaiting steel hard cock coming in contact on your warm, fully aroused center as his sensitive head pokes in your warm entrance. “Forgive me for taking you this way my love, I just need to be inside you now.” And just as he utters those words, he jerks his hips against your pelvis so forcefully that his balls slam right at your other hole from the impact, as his tip touching the undiscovered depths in your sheath. “J-Jungkook!” Your screams pierced through your throat uncontrollably as he builds an incredibly unforgiving pace. “I’ll make it up to you tonight, jagi.” He promises in between pleasurable groans. The tightness of your hot walls around his thickness indicates his intrusion must be painful for you—a stark contrast to the blissful grip of your tight pussy around his shaft. But the way you cling onto him, the way you meet his powerful thrusts halfway through, and the way your back arches when he rams so deep inside, indicate a different story. “Do you like it, my love? Tell me. Tell me how I make you feel, Jagi.” He demands, wanting to wring something from you just to validate the endless strings of pleasure trailing in his lower region. “It feels good, Jungkook please… Don’t stop, don’t—” another cry rips through you as your walls spasm involuntarily at the intense surge of sparks spreading from your core. He knows, you’re close just as he is. In most instances, he would prolong his pleasure, delivering you to the end several times, yet not chasing his own, and only reaching for his orgasm only when you’re too exhausted to take him yet again. However, this moment is not among those cases. Right now, he wouldn't deprive himself from chasing his release as it becomes too powerful, too addicting to prolong. “Yes, yes. Fuck!” He hisses onto your neck, endlessly pummeling through you. And just about another inch of moment where he reaches the seventh heaven, he feels his shoulder shook. With a flick of a finger, his world came in a painful halt. Then everything turns black, and into evanescence, he arduously returns into the real world. Particularly, in the depths of the woods where he'd wasted himself in the dead of the night along with his subordinates. As his smoky vision briefly skims through his surroundings, he immediately concluded his fate last night. He failed to make it inside his tent, and the only thing he could blame it for is the alcohol his subordinates had provided the night prior. He was too intoxicated, and the spirit of alcohol still lingers in his head as he felt it faintly pounds. At least he had the decency to sleep against a tree. The army had camped here to rest for the night, but the intended rest turned into a chaotic, wasted moment of their lives.

He lifted his death glare to whoever dared cut off his dream, ready to slice their head off of their shoulders. Jungkook was met with an anguish looking soldier. “My lord, forgive me for disturbing your rest but our comrades— they are trying to kill each other. One of them is already severely wounded.” The soldier exclaimed frighteningly, his face is covered with beads of sweat. Why did these soldiers even partook the army only to be such wimps dealing with their violent comrades? The commotion could be heard from his spot, the clashing sounds of sword against sword could be heard through the peaceful silence in the forest. Dismayed, Jungkook collected himself. He dismisses the soldier through a wave in his hand then disgruntledly rub his palms on his face to wear off his hazy vision and stood, bracing himself for another long day of journey. He must remind his subordinates who is in-charge of this army. However, with his head lowered, he notices the effect his dream had caused a mere second before he had recognized the pain. There it was, a tent of his own arousal. Groaning, he deliberately bumps his head against the uneven surface of the trunk of the indigenous tree he had slept against at. Dozing off in the oddest, most incoherent positions and places is not something foreign for him, for the soldiers. At some point, they had to spend nights stuck inside manholes in the middle of the forest to catch the rebels— who like them, have manmade caves to keep their tracks untraceable.

The ache in his back and neck he undoubtedly obtained from spending the night leaning against the hard bark of the tree in is nothing compared to the constricting pain in the expanse of his lower region. His lewd dreams had frequented in his nights these past few months—years even. They not only consist of his dirty little fantasies with you, but figments of how he'd imagine his future to be. They are almost real, and a story on their own. He‘s certain he’s gone crazy by the manner his dreams are able to create the images his heart had coveted, how his thoughts hone his dreams and stir something feral from his body, his impure needs. Perhaps, that’s how he had cope with your absence. Time had passed by a blur, but his feelings had not. It’s not so surprising to ponder over it for you are his other half, the soulmate the gods have bestowed upon him. He only needs to fulfill his mission, and it won’t be too long until he completes it. He misses you just as his soul longs to hear your delicate voice, your sweet laughter. He covets to be blessed upon your elegant beauty, and your bright smiles.

He had considered writing letters for you to ease the longingness in his bereft heart. However, the risks are too high for him to act upon his wish. Being an enemy in the unclaimed territory, foreign rebels would not think twice of hurting someone on his behalf. And that includes you. The adversity the two of you had caused four years ago left an ugly wound on your reputation, that was what he had gathered from his messenger. Despite the hierarchy of your status, noble families in the capital refuse to offer their unmarried sons to the princess for fear of being inflicted with misfortune tailing from the sin you had committed. The thought of you having to endure the pain from the gratuitous judgement of the people became his nightmare. No. It used to be his nightmare, as convinced by his selfish instincts. A blessing in disguise. In the midst of the predicament both of you have endured for years, your situation had only amplified his hope and eagerness to survive the uncertainty living in the  battlefield. If no one would want to have your untouched, pure soul, he will gladly have you in his arms. With the military power he had acquired, the significant impact the army under his leadership had contributed over the years, and the loyalty of the army to him, the king would not refuse to his bidding. Even with a promised prince at your disposal. Still, the fear of losing you for someone else had cogently crossed his mind. Rare is when he dwells into solitude. And it is fortunate to be the case for him as he would not have to deal with the overwhelming plethora of emotions his heart carries every sane second of his life in the north. Mayhaps, his traitor mind chooses to play fool of him through an endless series of dreams. Of you. With you. It was a tricky game that he willingly succumbs himself into. Through the years, he had lost count how many lives he had ended, how much enemies had his sword touched their blood in order to survive the truculent situation in the borders. He knows, despite having his foot buried deep in the ground, he would survive in the death trap alive or, at least, breathing. But he realized, the longer he endures the uncertainty in the north, the higher the possibility of him losing in another battle. That, or he’d have to have you as soon as he arrives in the capital. That was his final consolation before he proceeds to slice through the disturbing sound of commotion, cheers of encouragement rather than peace. It was not only him who had gone insane from the years worth of ordeal they had braved through, it seems. The mere sight of a brawl now entertain his army. If these pieces of shit do not stop killing each other off just by the presence of their general, Jungkook might as well do the job, himself.

Since the deployment of the extensive military presence at the borders of Joseon, neighboring empires have adopted similar strategy to protect their own lands from possible foreign invasions. In Joseon empire, threats of rebellion were already ceased some months ago. But the war didn’t dissipate in Joseon. Now bearing enemies inside the territory. Among the endless reasons why the king had out of nowhere summoned one of his trusted allies, is to seek perspective over these matters from someone as wise as he is. Perhaps, wiser than he could have ever been. Since his ascension to the throne, his brother had completely extended his loyalty to him. With his brother on his side, he was able to see the situations on the outside palace. Corrupt officials from isolated states are seized, stripped off their positions, and arrested for the rest of their lifetime. The only thing they have not agreed so far is the forthcoming marriage of the princess with a Ming royalty. The former prince considers it an unwise judgment to arrange the princess’ marriage with a foreign ally, arguing foreign empires, an ally or not, will inevitably shift partisan as the need arises. If war stirs between them in the future, the princess may be used as a token of weakness against the Joseon empire. “Rumor has it that Councillor Kang is plotting to stir a commotion regarding the first born son’s title, Your Majesty.” He supplies to the King before taking a graceful sip from his tea cup. Perhaps, if there is one thing he misses in his previous life, it’s the refreshment teas and the sumptuous serving of meals in the palace that are exclusively served for the royal family. His resources are now limited, despite the constant help the Queen Dowager sends in his behalf, he cannot rely on anyone for his survival. King Namjoon made a sound of agreement, deeply in thought of his current predicament. “I have anticipated that even before Consort Li gave birth to my son. The opposition will always find a way to seek for my weakness.” “They cannot use the prince against you or the queen. The customs favor your wife in this matter. For a concubine’s son to qualify as the crown prince, he must be taken under the care of the queen. But in this case, no existing law would support the Southern Party’s agenda if the queen is already carrying the next king.” King Namjoon heaves a long sigh, viisibly relaxing, despite the creases present on his forehead. He had thought the same thing. “You are right. Clearly, they have nowhere to go but to follow the process. However, something portent tells me this does not conclude their plan to destroy our family. I need to gather enough proof of their misdeeds before they come chasing for my dethronement.” Namjoon discloses the last remnants of his worries. Yoongi’s lips curve into a dark smug, disgusted by the audacity of those greedy snakes to even attempt to disrespect the throne of the monarch with their lousy lives. "You mean, you are thinking of the possibility that they may attempt to challenge your throne, Your Majesty?” Yoongi echoes. As the thought crosses his mind, he agrees with the king. There is a possibility. However, would the favored faction risk their positions over a poorly, indecisive move?

As if the monarch heard his thoughts, King Namjoon proceeds to speak, "The Southern Party will not dare lose their only chance to be in government. They know of my capabilities. I could turn and replace the government if they insist against my will. This is why I need your help, Hyung-nim. I need to know what the people think of my first born son. They might consider using my people for their selfish interests.” Yoongi studies the king’s face for a moment, recognizing something he only ever had witnessed once when their father had succumbed to his illness, vulnerability. “Of course, Your Majesty. Expect my letters in the coming days. I will envoy a different messenger to avoid raising suspicions from the state council.” He immediately bid a farewell to the monarch, before leaving the royal quarters of the study. Discreetly, he saunters across the length of the endless maze-like hallways in the royal residence. No one must have recognized him for even the court ladies who run into his way did not stop to pay respect to the king’s brother. It did not matter to him, because his unrecognizable identity allowed him to live peacefully outside the palace. As he scurries past the series of familiar quarters, his mind wanders back to the discussion he had exchanged with the king.

Yoongi did not willingly lose his title, in favor of his younger brother just for the throne to be snatched away by these corrupt officials. He knew. He already had the realization at a young age that the throne, his birthright, was not for him. It was not his right, not only because he despises the tremendous responsibility that the title carries but he perceives his skills are not equally meant to rule the nation his father had cherished all his life. Despite inherently having the highest title a prince could acquire, he believed the third born prince, his prodigy brother, deserved to be the next in line in the throne. With this in mind, he did the simplest form of deviation, committing ungracious and inappropriate acts inside the court. His misbehavior acts lasted for months until the state council had had enough of it. Yoongi succeeded, he was stripped off his title. But he paid the lasting price of his deviance. Being banished in the palace as the court perceives his presence as a threat to the next heir.

It was an ironic thought. He deliberately lose his title only to be seen as a threat to the throne. Following this predicament, frightened by ascending to the highest title of a prince, the second born prince abandoned his title in pursuit of his dreams.

The assumption of crown prince was then passed to the third born prince. His feet continued to take him to the right paths. Never relenting, mindlessly scanning the nostalgic, extravagant constructions in the royal residence. Not until he heard a familiar feminine voice that he abruptly stops and peers behind his back. Catching a glimpse of his sister, his stoic expression slowly softens. You quickly strutted forward without losing the grace you had mastered from being taught since you were tiny when the top of your head barely reached his hips. Excitement bubbled up inside you at the sight of your eldest brother. You lower your head, and instead of hearing a proper greeting from your brother, he scolds you just like the old times. "Stop the formalities, Princess. I am no longer of title.” Your eyebrows form a line while a smile ghosts on your expression. “But you are still a Grand Prince for me.” He leans closer and ruffles the side of your perfectly braided hair, to which earns a protest from you. His smile widens, revealing the sets of his pearly white teeth. “I have missed you. It’s been a while since you’ve showed up here. What brings you here? Have you visited mother? What about the King?” He bursts into series of soft chuckles. “Slow down, little flower. No one is chasing you down here, is there?” Your face stretches in a frown, "You seemed to be already going out of the palace, Orabeoni. Do you not wish to see us before you go?” "I apologize, Your Highness, I have matters to attend to. I will come back to visit you and Her Majesty in the future." You sigh, but nod in understanding of the situation. His life now revolves outside the palace, you realized. "I hope you have been living well?" “You don’t have to worry about me. Perhaps, it would not be wise to tell you in detail the beautiful things I have witnessed during my travels.” He regards, meaningfully. You understood what he meant.

The bright smile your face adorns slowly fading, “You have heard, haven’t you? That was a long time ago...” The least for him to do to fill the void of the loss of his family is through gathering news about them. It was the safest means for him to remain knowledgable of his family’s matters rather than exchanging letters with them. Despite losing his royal status, living outside has given him the wholly overview of the nation. He had learned a lot of things for his survival and for his scholarly works. With his brother’s permission to delve into the records in the Bureau of State Records for his scholarly works, he stumbled upon the history of his ancestors, and the untold secrets of the old royal families. Even the undiscovered edicts, one of which would soon reverberate through the empty halls of the palace.

“I always know what goes on in here even when I’m not around.” A small smile rests on the corner of his lips in the hopes of lessening your sudden uneasiness. Somehow, it did. “What about Prince Hoseok? Have you heard of him? Since his disappearance, the queen dowager and Prince Taehyung refused to talk about his whereabouts.” “Do not worry about Hoseok. He is, like I am, in the best condition of his life.” He prompts with collected patience. Living far from the extravagant lifestyle was difficult to get used to. But as the beauty of life slowly unravels for his eyes to admire on, he realizes he had no regrets giving up everything his previous life had offered before him. For you to navigate the same onerous path he took to endure the new, yet simple living, he’d rather have you revolved your life around the good side of the world, somewhere where nobility surrounds you. Life outside the palace is cruel and filled with misfortunes and unsaid miseries. “I’m relieved to hear that. Please take this before you go,” You say, reaching out to your braided hair, unclasping the gold pin and placing it in his unwilling palm. He arches an eyebrow, questioningly. "It’s the only thing I have right now—“ “I should take my leave now, Your Highness.” “Right, then please accept my gift, brother. I believe it carries luck as well as my prayers… for your security.” Yoongi draws a long breath, closing his palm around the metallic piece of accessory, wondering what he would it use for. Crouching forward, he places an affectionate kiss on the top of your head, dropping a promise, “I will come see you when you get married.” Your brother swiftly pulls back and turns away without sparing a single glance from your direction, heading off towards the secret passage that only you and your siblings knew. The same path you crossed when you took off years ago. His sudden disappearance made your apprehension profound, and at the mention of a forthcoming marriage, it left a disturbing, unwarranted feeling at the pit of your stomach. You have been faithfully loyal to your promise, despite the uncertainty. You tirelessly waited for his return. But, it does not mean you would only vain while you remain unmarried. You have aged a couple years since he left the capital. While you age more, your royal duty becomes inescapable. Years without him have not been forgiving, but there was nothing you could hope for as you remained out of the attention of the government, avoiding an inevitable marriage— something that should have happened several years ago. As much as the queen dowager worries for your future, the situation seems to be more a blessing than curse for you. You have no power to control an arrangement that only the queen and the king have, and the only way for you to stay unmarried is to avoid the marriage itself. However, you know, as time ticks off, the life of a lighted candle decreases. So are your chances. You wish to see him, at least, at the break of dawn.

On the east side of the grand palace, unbeknownst to the rest of the royal family, the queen had met with the queen dowager in the garden of Huwon, at the similar period of time while the king and his brother were at the royal residence. A couple of servants and royal guards were awaiting on behalf on the foot of the pavilion. More than a year ago, the queen dowager had descended from the throne when the first ranking lady in the Selection whose father governs a remote state in a distant province assumed the highest position a female of title can acquire. From then on, the king's mother had learned to trust the queen for her genuine efforts in regulating the palace women's affairs. With her faith on the queen's fair judgement to the matters in the inner court, she bestowed her blessing to arrange the princess' marriage with a suitable man of nobility. It was the purpose of their vigilant meeting in the secluded royal garden of the East Palace. But the profound carefulness in addressing the matter had soon reached the prying ears of the government officials through their scattered watchful spies disguised as servants inside the grand palace. Rumors of your betrothal rapidly spread through the halls of the palaces and into the capital. Your forthcoming marriage had been expected years ago, but as you had remained unmarried for a long time, the society had already concluded your future. Being a lonely maiden for lifetime, as your punishment for painting damages to your virtue and disobeying the gods’ laws. When the news reaches Yoongi, he immediately decided to return to the capital.

Several days later, half of the army from the northern border had finally returned to the capital, and into the East Palace’s throne hall, they had paid a respect to the king of the nation. The couple hundreds of soldiers in a full view from the king's throne, it was a display of the king’s military power from the watchful eyes of the prospective enemies. While the army stood outside, across the king’s throne hall, General Jeon entered the royal throne to present himself as the leader’s army which he had led for the past four years. His left arm holds his head armor, the other hand securing two scrolls as he takes long powerful strides across the length of the hall towards the awaiting monarch on the throne. With his head high, he stopped in front of the throne, before he crouches on his bended knee, and lowered his head in front of the King. It was not long before he rose back from his feet. The authoritative voice of the contented king resonates inside the throne hall. “I am glad you have survived the war, Jeon. I have not missed a reading on all your accomplishments. Although your army have lost a great amount of soldiers in the past four years, I am immensely impressed by your skills and leadership for you have not only captured the rebel leaders but also conquered parts of the outside north.” King Namjoon could perhaps be in an ephemeral peace. With the influence and loyalty of the army the general has come to acquire, General Jeon would make a great ally for his empire. He needs to keep it that way. “It is the only way I see fit to end the war against the rebels. If we have not conquered the North, they will not surrender on their own.” General Jeon proceeds, with the boldness of him to return the stare of the king. King Namjoon did not mind, in fact, the fearlessness that the General emits through his mere stature impresses him. The same general couldn’t even risk lifting a gaze in front of the ruler a few years ago. But the young general before is nowhere near recognizable from the man standing in front of him. The battlefield had honed the general into a real soldier. Tracing his stubble on his jaw, he continues to praise the general, “I commend you, Jeon. I must say, you are wiser than the late general. What have you brought for your king in your return, May I ask?” Jungkook didn’t waste any second longer, handing out one of the scrolls to the king’s eunuch. He waited until the eunuch places it on the king’s table before concluding the content of the scroll. “That record accounts for the extension of the lands outside the northern border. The peasants and commoners who reside in these areas now recognize you as their king. With this piece of record, no other ruling monarch would question your ownership to the conquered lands. Unless, they want to seek war against your kingdom.” “I am beyond impressed, Jeon.” King Namjoon asserted, clearly showing his utter astonishment. As he skims over the sloppy, almost unillegible calligraphy, Jungkook decides to prompt another matter, a significant one. “Perhaps, Your Majesty, you have heard that the Ming empire had sent an ally troop for us in the north.” Showing too little interest over the subject, King Namjoon's attention stills on the scroll’s content. “I am aware, General Jeon. What matters with it?” “Commander Park, the leader of the Ming army, is the 13th prince of the Ming empire, full blooded brother of Emperor Kim. One of his brothers had warned him about the traitors in the Joseon court. It is Councilor Kang who attempted to seek alliance with the Ming princes against your ascension, Your Majesty.” At the mere mention of the Southern Party's leader, the attention of the king immediately shifted to the general. Perplexed, the heat of anger rushes in him. If this is the truth, he would make the Southern Party receive an unforgiving punishment for threatening his throne. “You don’t say…” The king dangerously trails, “Do you understand what your allegation could mean if it bears no truth?” King Namjoon couldn’t seem to perceive the credibility of his claim. There was nothing he could read from the general. Nothing but the dead in his eyes. “I am merely relaying the words of Commander Park to you, Your Majesty. It is not an accusation from me but a warning not to trust Kang’s pretense intent of peace.” With the dark grin ghosting on the general's face, King Namjoon scrutinized his expression. What is his motive? “You are not telling me this out of concern for my throne, Jeon.” He warily prompts, testing the waters. He has no doubts of his loyalty. If there is one thing the king is certain, Jungkook honors his words. But with the sudden shift of the discussion, King Namjoon is suddenly holed up with utter confusion. The slight curve of Jungkook’s lips twitches more as his eyes remain black. Empty. “You are right, Your Majesty.” Jungkook has been keeping it long enough, after fulfilling his duty and his unspoken promise to his father, it’s about time to fulfill the most important one in his lifetime. “What is it that you wish in exchange for this giving me this information?” “I have not yet told you that Commander Park and Prince Jimin are the same person. It is the same prince you have arranged betrothal with Princess ______, is it not Your Majesty?” His eyes narrowed. So this is about the princess all along? “That matter is not of your concern, Jeon Jungkook. You must know where your position would account for your regard. I would not wish for you to be among my enemies, Jeon. Stay away from the princess.” admonishes the monarch. “I do not wish to start a war against you, Your Majesty. I am merely seeking for your blessing to grant me this decree.” Jungkook raises the scroll before holding it forward towards the Eunuch’s reach. He spoke no more and waited for the King to read the decree. Once King Namjoon got hold of it, he urgently opened the scroll, eyes eagerly skimming over the texts written in familiar calligraphy. Jungkook watches the shock slowly uncovers from the face of the King. The control and power crumbling into pieces as the riffles his eyes through him pellucidly, throwing the scroll on his table. Whatever it is that was in the decree has discomfited the king as the darkness of his eyes now matches the general's lifeless eyes.

“This couldn’t be possible…” He calmly concluded amidst the fury his expression is giving away. Did he think he had outsmarted me? King Namjoon silently thought. He turns to his side, the glower in his face effortlessly made his Eunuch tremble in fear. “Call the Chief Secretary!” He ordered. Despite the king's anger, Jungkook remains passive, anticipating the worst that may blew up by revealing the undisclosed edict. If this is the his ploy in order to have the king capitulated on his terms, he has to pay for the inexorable price of his crime, a military official or not.

On the other side of the capital, there you were in the market, enjoying your time outside the palace. This day is one of the few instances you are allowed to wander off in the capital. The Queen has reasonably permitted for your gratuitous trips. You are grateful for she did not perceive your royal status as a threat to her ascension for you want to sustain a peaceful relationship with the royal family. Years ago when Jungkook brought you in this particular shop, you have frequented here since. The lady merchant has grown a liking to you for you have always been one among her generous customers. The pieces of accessories they sell, you have learned, were crafted by individuals of no noble descents. Your fondness of buying illegally published literally books was replaced by adding up pieces by pieces of jewelry and hair accessories to your collection. After a moment of eclectic selection, you finally have made up your mind which pieces you would purchase this time. Instead of making your way back to the palace after purchasing these items, you decided to stay a little longer, absentmindedly surveying the variety of inexpensive goods aside from the luxurious pieces the shop sell.

A few feet away from your stance, a rugged looking man of seemingly from a noble trace with the dark, elegant shade of his robe approaches the same merchant. And even without a gay atop his head, the rarity of his robe’s colors colors could already be speaking of power. This man is not just one among those government officials that commoners frequently see in the daylight.

The eager shop owner beams, noticing the indifference of the noble man’s eyes as they bore over the pool of jewelry pieces and accessories. Perhaps, another prospected customer who is merely buying for their lover, “My Lord, do you wish to buy something for your wife?” It was then the lips stretch in an endearing smile, “Yes, I’d like to purchase something for my lady. Do you have something to recommend for me?”

The shop owner surveys the official for a brief moment, before an idea pops into her mind. “Oh, I have been keeping this one of a kind piece for a long time, now. If you are interested, My Lord, I’ll show it to you.” The shop owner regards in a mysterious, lingering tone, as if to pique his curiosity. Why did she not offer you this piece? You pondered, without lifting your gaze upon them. “Go on.” He encourages. The seller holds out a small intricately designed box, opening it in front of him to reveal a pair of plain yet immaculately crafted gold rings. "This was brought to a temple for five days in order to bring good fate for lovers. The shaman said to sell this to lovers who are willing to pay generously in exchange for a good future.” In a heartbeat, the man curtly nodded. "Consider it sold.” He says in a certain tone. The shop owner’s eyes widened in surprise, immediately collecting the box, allowing no opportunity for the man seemingly in a high-ranking position to afford such to change his mind. “Your lover is lucky to have you, My Lord.” The lady dreamily remarked. He only smiled and didn’t speak further as he hands out a generous amount of currency in exchange of the content of the small box.

You were there all along, listening closely to the interaction. The strange man caught your unsolicited attention with his mere voice. That’s what it seems. You're as puzzled as overwhelmed from unintentionally hearing the interaction. But you’re certain, he’s not the one you think he is. The man only sounded like him. Too late, for your heart already started pounding loudly on its own accord. Your state frozen, seemingly lost in your thoughts to have your body move as you wish. It was not your nerves but your doubts that is stopping you from looking at him to rest your judgment. It took you a while. And you regret not taking the chance when you had it because before you could gather your pittance of a strength to gaze upon the man, he was already out of sight. In desperation, your eyes eagerly search through the sea of people, mentally sifting through the layers and layers of passers-by as if your eyes will magically blur everything else to locate his figure. He was already gone. This has happened before. For several instances. Your mind always creates an imagery of him whenever he crosses your mind, wherever you are— seeing someone bearing his familiarity. But every time you do, you’re always unable to see their actual face. It was not him. That’s what you’re sure of.

He couldn’t be omniscient in nature, he couldn’t be in the north while grazing your presence here every now and then. He just couldn’t be here.

This is just one of them. Would your heart not mind if you see his home, at least, for the last time? Would it matter more to you to see his lifeless household, or would it just a waste of time and a heartache?

With your lurking mind, you scurried the path where your heart is taking you.

You didn’t really noticed the long, arduous walk you had gone through. The sun is about to set when you arrived. Your feet like a mind of their own, stopping in front of the wooden barricade. His mother has lived with his relatives in a distant town somewhere after Jungkook left.

There’s nothing else to see other than the barnished wooden gate. You cannot even open it for your own perusal. But you kept on coming back here for it was the only thing in the present that connects you with that memory, reliving them in the present. He spent his last moments here with you. But however beautiful your memories here had been, the contrited pieces always linger elsewhere in your mind as you relinquish the past. Fate is a mere imaginary force, perhaps, created by entities living in this world, as fictitious as happiness, as treacherous as love. While hope brings you a strong faith of anticipation to the uncertain, the endless cycle of waiting only gives you the bittersweet acceptance in return. There was no regret behind the years of your wasted youth amidst the inescapable obligation of being an object of possession under a political truce— the truth that you have to live from the guise of a royal birth. You kept your promise, and until time and your royal duty comes in between, you will stay faithful to your words. Your fingers quickly shed the moisture threatening to spill from your eyes. And as you emotionally gather yourself up, you turn away in bereft. Not knowing that someone from behind is going towards the opposite direction. With your occupied mind and your sudden move, it was too late for the stranger to step sideways to avoid your approaching figure. The impact left you immobile for a second, losing your balance as your legs gave away. However, they caught you just in time.

Ambivalently speechless, you were unable to scramble off to your feet away from them and utter words of apologies to the stranger you have caused a burden of. When you have recovered, you softly gasp in embarrassment, mumbling series of apologies without prying your bashful eyes up towards them. Scared that they will lash out at your carelessness. Not until you hear the voice of the stranger. “_______?” Your rapid breaths stutter, you felt like everything else around you stops but the loud thumping of your heart. Was it your mind one again creating a hallucination of him? Slowly, you lift your head up. But you swallowed the urge to gasp as your eyes eagerly rake through the rugged looking man in front of you. It was your first time to see their face, to see him fully. The face your mind has created for years. Unfortunately, nothing resembles him of Jungkook but his eyes. And his voice. Stupid of you to think he’s real. You immediately turn away, gathering the strength to go as far away as you can. “______ wait!” You hear them call, your mind is pretty adamant, because the farther you walk, the louder his voice gets to you. It was not long when they had caught up with you as you felt the force in your arm, yanking you back around to face him. “What are you doing here?” He asks the same question he uttered to you years ago when he saw you in front of his house. You clenched your eyes shut, disturbed with your evil mind’s tricks to play with your heart dangerously. How could it possible for him to be here, coincidentally when you’re mourning, when you had just imagined him at the capital? As much as you‘re convinced he’s not real, the warmth from his hands seeping through the fabric covering your arms as they keep you locked on their hold tell you the person isn’t just a figment or your imagination. He’s real? “Jungkook?” It took him a second before he realizes the tone of your affirmation. “You didn’t recognize me, Jagi? It’s me.” Lips quivering, you clasp his face in between your palms with your collected strength, silently wishing none of this is a part of your imagination like it has been in the past years. “Is it really you? Am I not just dreaming?” You whisper in grief, as your sorrowful eyes pierces through his soul. Something twists in his gut, catching your efforts as you control the faint sobs threatening to break out from you throat.

It was too late for you to swallow them as tears pooled out of your eyes. The calloused pads of his thumbs feather lightly brush against your tear stained cheeks.your efforts to control the faint sobs.

“I’m here. I came back for you. Haven’t I promised you that?” He wants to prove it to you, just so you would believe it is real. That he’s here before your eyes. His face was mere inches to yours, but he stilled, almost losing his control if not reminded by the fact that the two of you are out for the world to see. You blinked, hiding the dejection when he steps back just as you were anticipating something else. With a heavy heart, you prodded. “When did you come back?” Jungkook deliberately didn’t answer. You have all the time to ask him later. Right now, he needs you. Swallowing a big lump in his throat, his fingers entwine tightly with yours, gently tugging you forward.

“Come with me.” He says. “Jungkook, what...“ Your voice faltered, panting from the distance you had walked through. Your curious eyes follow his free hand as it swiftly unlocked the hidden bar of the wicket.

Just as he has pulled you inside the vicinity of his household, he pushed the door shut along with your body, pressing you flat against the hard surface. Jungkook cages you in between with his hands glued on the sides of your head. He used to dream about this happening. With you, in an arm’s reach. He stays still for a while, savoring the moment. His leering eyes quietly memorizing every detail on your face. You have not aged a year older. Jungkook thinks he was looking at your younger self. Except for your hollowed cheeks, and dulled pair of orbs, you still look mesmerizingly breathtaking, beautiful, pure and only his. He inches closer, invading your mouth with much controlled passion. The faint sting of his stubble as it made contact against your skin creates another foreign sensation, sparking desire within you as tremors run down your spine.

“Gods, I miss you.” He groans against your mouth. For a moment, you were stiff, shocked by the boldness of his advances. Jungkook had kissed you before, you had felt the wetness of his lips pressing against yours before, as he expressed his affection for you.

But not like this, not with the way he was lewdly nipping your lips, not with the way his tongue is chasing your own. Not with the way his hands are exploring the untouched parts of your body.

Jungkook nudges his head south, on the crook of your neck. He moves closer, flushing his huge body against yours. Your eyes clenched shut at the feel of his need on his lower region pressing on your clothed stomach. A soft cry resonates through the quietness of the household at the feel of his teeth and stubble piercing simultaneously through your skin. Bound speechless under your clouded mind, unable to discern the right and wrong when Jungkook plotted the hole that you have willingly allowed yourself to be buried into its depths.

As he captures your lips once more, your fingers corded beneath his long knotted hair. There was no turning back now. He will have you one way or another.

a/n: what do you guys think? im curious to know what your thoughts are pls share them with me :(( it’s rushed i know and as expected this is unedited so forgive me for grammar issues and typos

mintseesaw ©️ 2020

credits to the rightful owner (Jeesung Kim) of the image edited as a banner

[darkhymns-fic]

Hopes of Summer

At what should be a happy family outing, Kratos worries about the inevitable when he catches sight of Anna's Exsphere.

The pain of losing someone should not have been new to him at all.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairing: Kratos Aurion/Anna Irving, Lloyd Irving, Noishe Rating: G Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: Fic for Day 1: Aurion Family Day/Free Day for @krannaweek! This got more angst then I meant it to but with fluff in the end to make up for it.

--

Kratos had only been eight when he started to learn swordsmanship from his father – true lessons instead of play, wooden blades held in his palms so that he could get used to the weight of eventual metal.

War had already long started. There was no time to rest, not for him. It was something that didn’t need to be said out loud to be understood.

Just the feel of his father’s hands correcting his own (Don’t hold it so tightly, you will break your wrist before long) and the curt nods of a soldier, teaching him to survive.

And in war, you must survive.

Yet even still, Kratos had fallen to his knees, arms shaking with his plain, wooden weapon. In a real battle, the quick lunge from his father’s sword would have ended him right there. Another bloodstain on the grass, another lost soul of the Tethe’allan country. Instead he saw the gleam of the sharp blade pointed at his throat – a split-second, nothing more – before it was pulled back.

“You must keep practicing,” his father told him, a voice that many years later, he could barely recall. He could not remember the man’s face, nor his mother’s. Four thousand years was too long for one to live, too long for one to remember anything of value. “Don’t make any more mistakes.”

Just the sensation of the ache in his palms, the fear that ran through him at the sight of the blade so close, the question in him that rose when he heard those words directed towards him.

You must, you must, you must. Since then, his life had been full of acts that he must do.

But it only made his regrets pile up until it became uncountable.

The calluses from his sword practice would always remind him of that.

When his father later died in battle, he had not wept at all. For that was not something he had ever been taught.

.

.

.

--

“…You’re not feeling well.” A stated fact more than a question.

Anna pushed aside Kratos’ hand with a sigh. “As I told you for the dozenth time, I’m fine. Don’t fret over me. I barely have room to breathe.”

It was rare for them to room at an inn, but the summer months in Sylvarant could be so unforgiving. No amount of shade was enough to weather the humidity, for his wife or his child. So it had to be an inn, in a small, isolated town, where at least the walls could shelter them from heat – if only briefly.

Yet still, Anna’s face was flushed, her forehead covered by sweat. She sat up, but not without effort.

Kratos held up his hands, as if to reach out to her again. “You should keep resting-”

“What did I just tell you?” She shot back, bit her lip as if just tasting something so bitter. “I’m sorry. But I said that I am alright. I’m just winded from the walk. Let’s enjoy the day, please?”

He didn’t want to keep saying it, despite her complaints. He didn’t want to comment on how much slower her steps seemed to be, on how much paler her skin was, on how often she seemed to lose her breath.

The symptoms were all too obvious by now.

(If he looked further, where her shirt covered it, would he see it? How the skin around her Exsphere was more wrinkled than before, how it must have been red and inflamed, how the pain must have centered there, as it always was…)

He had to stop himself, cutting the despair off, as sharply as cutting off an infected limb.

“Then let me get you some water first before we go out. Is that acceptable?”

She sighed again, but this time with a little smile. “I wonder if you will ever stop being so formal, but I suppose that’s just who you are…”

To the side of her was a small bundle, just underneath the bed covers. It moved and made a sound, a mixture of a snore and a little gurgle. The blanket curled in on itself around that same bundle, until it was all folds and snores.

Kratos looked to the little bundle with concern.

“He can…still breathe under there, yes?”

“You are such a worrier today.” But Anna humored him by carefully unwrapping the blanket, revealing first the soft brown spikes of his hair, and then the puffy curves of his cheeks, along with a clenched fist that was half being sucked on, knuckles disappearing into the boy’s mouth.

Still, Kratos worried a little…

“See? Lloyd is just fine. He’s probably having a nice dream right now!”

Small and vulnerable, stuck in sleep. Lloyd had been crying from the heat, but once inside, he still wanted to curl up in the bedcovers, to stay close to his mother. The inn room was simple, a single room with the window half-open, the curtains letting in the breeze that he wished had been about while they had been walking. The bed itself was small, but he had been fine giving it only to Anna and Lloyd. He didn’t need any sleep himself.

Yet, as Anna reached over to Lloyd, hands gently taking his drool-covered fist, pulling down the red shirt he loved to cover his stomach, a cough left her throat. Then another, and another, making her lean over, back arched like the gentle slope of the hills outside.

Kratos placed his hands on her, his calluses hidden by his gloves, yet could not hide the shaking of his fingers. “Anna!”

She breathed harshly at first, the sound enough to wake up Lloyd fully. Eyes blinked, the same shade as his hair. The child turned around, eyes curious as he watched his father cling to his mother. Could he see the fear that he was feeling right now? Could he even understand?

“Kratos, you’re scaring him.” Anna spoke so clearly, so strongly, that it belied the pained position she was in. She gathered Lloyd into her arms, and the child only continued to blink. He didn’t cry, and this was the same boy that would weep over Noishe not giving him a ride on his back.

“You said you would give me water?” she gently reminded.

Kratos felt the pain in his palms, but swallowed it down, taking a step back. “Forgive me. I will bring you some.”

“Thank you.” Anna raised her head, and she was smiling once more. Lloyd was clinging to her shirt, his hands curling into the fabric and pulling down from the neck.

From there, Kratos saw the hint of the Exsphere. He saw the redness around like a ring, the wrinkled skin, the hurt he knew she felt.

He turned to get the water for from the pitcher set on the side table. He hoped the feeling he felt in his throat wasn’t regret.

--

Lloyd was laughing wildly, holding out two wooden sticks in his hands as he rode on a whining Noishe, bouncing along in his seat within the green fur and shouting, “Go! Go!”

Kratos had never felt more of a nervous wreck as he watched his son nearly fall several times, always eventually righting himself up with a great show of flailing his small arms. So Kratos hovered near, following along the Arshis as it went in the direction Lloyd was yelling out gleefully, using one of his sticks to point the way.

It was early evening, the air finally cooling down, leaving a gentler summer breeze. Anna was seated in the grass, watching as Lloyd led his mount to wherever he wanted. They had left the inn for a small stroll outside, down by hastily-arranged wooden fences, by the dirt roads that led into the isolated town, where dragonflies flitted about to dance across a small lake that was nearby. Only a few eyes turned their way, most retreating to their homes, though unsure why tourists would ever come to such a place.

Kratos gave little thought to it – only to his son which he continued to fret over, and to Anna that he saw by the corner of his eyes. She was not as pale now, or coughing as much. Still, Kratos saw the occasional tremble.

“Are you sure you can catch up to them?” she called out with a grin. The waning sunlight fell over her hair, burnishing it. He could see the same effect on Lloyd’s hair when he turned to look.

“I am simply watching over him…” he protested, still hands held up, ready to catch his son at any moment.

“And you seem to be doing very well!”

Noishe unexpectedly did a little hop then, one that made Lloyd squeal and Kratos stiffen. One of the dragonflies had rushed across the grass stalks to then land on the animal’s nose. A whine as his paws danced over the ground, with a sneeze to get the dreaded bug off. Lloyd only laughed afterwards, even as he waved his arms to maintain his balance.

Kratos stiffened, resisting the urge to just take Lloyd away and to wrench those sticks from his hands. Anna had insisted he be allowed to play with them, but they had look so rough and crooked, and he could imagine the scratches already on his son’s palms.

“Noishe,” he simply said, his tone having only a hint of hardness. But somehow, Lloyd’s voice was even louder, drowning his out.

“Go!” He was shouting again, trying to slash away at the dragonfly that had so upset Noishe. He missed his swing by a wide margin, but seemed to enjoy the action regardless. “Go, Noishe!”

He saw the creature’s big ears perk up, saw the way he danced around on his paws. Was he listening to Lloyd?

“Goooo!” Lloyd shouted once more, pointing up ahead where a small hill undulated before them, where it led to thickets that dotted the ground, rustling in the breeze.

And somehow, just like that, Noishe had taken off, running so fast as Lloyd shouted into the wind itself. A blur of green and brown, seeming to fly right over the grass to reach the hills and disappear into those same thickets where the sun could not push through, where the leaves seemed to swallow them up immediately, out of sight.

Maybe it was just instinct, in the end.

Kratos had rushed over to them so quickly, he could barely notice his legs moving. Or maybe he hadn’t. Maybe he had slipped and used his wings, foolishly where others could see him, even in such a small, barely populated village. He broke through branches and leaves to catch up to a boy and his dog-like companion who continued to run.

He hadn’t meant to react so hastily, but he still held the image of Anna’s Exsphere in his mind, the meaning of it weighing on his shoulders. It made him feel slow, and weak, and somehow despite all that, he halted in front of Noishe’s path, making the creature stutter in his steps. Lloyd did another squeal, arms stretched out wide as he saw his father with them. He had already lost one of the sticks he had been waving about so proudly.

Kratos rounded on Noishe, voice has hard as flint. “Stop!” He clenched his fists, the tide of anger and fear in him impossible to overturn. “What would happen if he had fallen?! You’re supposed to keep him safe!”

The sound of his own voice, full of incredibly guilt, finally made him stop – but not before it was too late.

It had been enough to make the Arshis do more than halt. A quick backwards step of four paws, upturning the soil beneath. The giant ears that soon edged downwards in a soft arc, the rapid blinking of dark eyes. It was still a marvel that he hadn’t whined right away, even as he soon did so, the sound a little keening as fallen leaves were crushed beneath them.

Lloyd had also stopped, surprised by Noishe’s movements, by his father’s anger. The action made him drop his last branch to the ground…and then the familiar sheen of tears appeared in his eyes.

The sight was nothing new to him at all. But now, just now, he felt something prick his chest, seeing both Lloyd and Noishe shiver, knowing himself to be the reason for it. “Wait, Lloyd-” He walked up to them, all while Lloyd continued to cry harder, and Noishe’s whines matched with his.

His son wept so much. Kratos couldn’t remember the last time he had even shed a tear.

“Can you hold him?” a voice asked him.

There was Anna was to his right. He had no idea how he hadn’t heard her, when he could hear the careful steps of a starving wolf from miles ahead. But when he turned, she was there, her face pale, her hair a little haggard. She had run after them as well, and though she tried to hide it, he could hear her quickened breath.

“Kratos, please,” she said, gesturing as Lloyd continued to cry, his tears falling onto Noishe’s fur. “And put your wings away.”

So he had used them, only now noticing the glow of blue that cast over her, the motes of sapphire in the air. Hastily, he de-summoned them, feeling foolish.

But the tone in her voice was different than usual, something he couldn’t place. Was she angry at him? Disappointed? But he couldn’t deny her instructions, and so Kratos went to pick up Lloyd who continued to sniffle, but now right into his very shirt. (He could wash it later, he supposed).

Noishe had then gone to lay down in the grass, tail laying dejected, his fur making him blend in with the greenery all too well, almost hiding too well within the thicket they had blundered into. But still he saw the dark paws stand out, along with the pink of the Arshis’ tongue, half-lolling from his mouth from the heat that still lingered, and the exertion from before. He looked so ashamed that it made Kratos regret his earlier words.

It was something he found himself often doing.

He was surprised though to see Anna kneel besides Noishe, hands reaching out to scratch behind one of his giant ears. The whining continued, but it lowered considerably, along with a tail lightly thumping the ground.

Kratos still felt Lloyd crying into his shirt, completely unsure of what to say.

“You know,” she said, fingers finding the right spot for Noishe, his eyes closing, his great head leaning against her hand. “You are not as good at hiding your secrets as you think you are.”

A sentence that left him stunned, if only for a little while. Lloyd’s cries lessened, and by now he could feel his shirt becoming drenched with snot. He patted his son’s head and let his fingers tangle in his messy hair.

“You look at me like I will die at any moment now.”

The chill ran up his spine, immobilizing everything except his voice. “No, I’m- I’m not. I am only worried. The weather has not been good for your condition-”

“And what is my condition, Kratos?” Anna raised her head, and with the sunshine angling down, it was hard to see her expression, the way the light cast shadows from the trees, the way it made his eyes blink. “You still haven’t told me what this thing I carry will do to me. But I guess you don’t really need to. I’ve known for a long time what will happen. I’ve been at that ranch for longer than I would care to remember.”

A small hiccup from Lloyd against his chest. Kratos thumped a hand against his back, trying to soothe such them away. “Anna…”

She turned away, instead facing Noishe again, planting both hands into the creature’s fur to continue her petting. Noishe let her, knowing now this was more for herself than for him. He hair fell, revealing the chain of a pendant he had given to her long ago.

“I don’t want you to look at me like that. I…don’t want to be reminded of what will happen to me…” She freed one hand from the fur to wipe at her eyes. “Because I see how it eats at you, until you let it show. I only want…to enjoy what we have. I don’t want this…thing I have.. to hang over us until then.”

Another soft hiccup from Lloyd. He had his eyes half-shut, his crying making him sleepy. This was fairly normal for him.

Kratos took a breath, then sat down on the grass next to Anna, just a few feet away from Noishe. He took a moment to speak, finding everything in his much too long years giving him absolutely nothing.

But soon, he had to say something, even if it was weak and uninspired.

“It is no excuse… but I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry.” He rubbed Lloyd’s back, watching how his son’s blinking was slowing, how the eyelids fell. “I just don’t want to…lose this.” And he realized then, the fear that held him. “I never want to lose this. But acting like this will only…make it seem like I already have. I’m sorry…”

She faced him, and he saw again her Exsphere, still looking pained. He knew how the stone would soon take everything away from her, and it was hard to not think on it. The future had suddenly felt so dark and ominous, with no clear roads to turn to.

But when she looked at him, he saw a curious change in her eyes. Something of bewilderment. Not the first time he had seen it from her, for he tended to do things that confused her, but he was not sure of what could cause it, at this moment.

“You’re crying,” she said. And with that, she stretched her hand to brush at his hair. “Huh. Now I know where Lloyd gets it from.”

Kratos blinked, and just then he felt it. The soft trek of a tear down his cheek. It confused him greatly. He reached out wipe it away, the sensation so unfamiliar that he wasn’t sure what to do with the feeling. “I’m…sorry, I didn’t-”

“Now why are you apologizing over that?” Anna shook her head, then leaned in. The action was quick, her lips over his, the kiss warm and heating up his face significantly. All the while, Lloyd continued to snore in his arms.

From the closeness, he saw her Exsphere up close. The pain there was still apparent, skin around it still inflamed, but the fear he felt was not as prominent anymore. Not with her kissing him to soothe it all away.

Anna was smiling when she leaned back, once again running a hand through his hair, playing with it. “You can be so silly sometimes.”

“Uh.” Kratos once again had no idea what to do with her words. He flushed, eyes turned back to Lloyd as he slept on. “T-Thank you…”

There was just the wind rustling the grass, the chirping of crickets as the sky above them darkened. Noishe had stopped whining, but he still looked a bit dejected, his great head on his paws. The Arshis’ own apology was plain on his face.

Kratos sighed, reaching to pet his devoted friend on the head. “I should be apologizing to you as well, Noishe… I’m sorry to have ruined our family day.”

Anna gently pushed him on the shoulder. “You haven’t ruined anything… but maybe you could learn to ease up. For all of our sakes?”

He smiled at her, still remembering her warmth that washed away the hurt in him. Even so, another tear fell down his cheek.

To think he could miss a feeling he was never sure of ever having.

--

It was already nighttime once they walked back to the inn. Kratos had walked carefully, careful not to bounce Lloyd too much with each step that he took. But the boy continued to sleep, making small noises as he drooled once again on his shirt.

“See?” Anna said, giggling. “He’s having another nice dream.”

The way she nudged him just then was subtle, but he saw it in her eyes. How she looked to Lloyd, and how she had let Kratos carry him all the way, Noishe trailing behind them happily, nose occasionally poking the back of Anna’s head.

“Here, you can hold him now,” he told her, and gently gave her their son to clasp.

“Certain I won’t get tired, are you?” she said, but he saw how eagerly she went to hold Lloyd. And it seemed that Lloyd seemed to like this new change, his tiny arms moving to wrap around her neck, to make more little noises that were hums and the like.

Again, with the motion and the weight of the child on her, the collar of her shirt shifted down. Once again Kratos saw the Exsphere, same as it was, but with a tinge of blue to its surface – alive in its very own, strange way, a parasite that continued to live in her.

The sadness was still there, fear of what was to come next. He had never wept for his father’s death, or his mother’s – or perhaps he just didn’t remember it. But if he would lose her…. then what next?

Quickly, before she could see the expression on his face, he bent down to kiss at the space just above her Exsphere. The heat of her skin, the hardness of the stone against his lips. Anna made a small squeak at the action.

“Kratos!” But there was laughter mixed in, one hand pressed against her mouth to keep it muffled. “Are you…trying to kiss it better now?”

Something about the words, the way she said it, and her bright voice altogether, once again washed away the despair to the very corners of his mind. “Then you must tell me if it is working.”

“Hm…I don’t know.” She tilted her head in thought. “Perhaps you’ll need to do it a bit more so I can be sure.”

Ah, again she could make him flush like a fool sometimes. But the smile she gave him was worth it.

With the stars above them, and Lloyd sleeping soundly, he felt he could still find a hope for the future somehow. That it was something the eventual pain could never drown out.

Maybe he could believe that.

[ldrmas]

Part 2

A Pirates Life for Me: A Beetlejuice Pirates of the Caribbean Part 2 Part 1 Here - https://ldrmas.tumblr.com/post/647682697685237760/part-1 Character sheet for those who have questions -  https://ldrmas.tumblr.com/post/647688946637324288/pirates-characters

-  Please leave a comment or a reblogg telling me what you think. Again if there is dialogue that is a repeat of the movie I am not taking claim to it, I’m just admitting I’m not smart enough to come up with something better. Obliviously this whole plot and lines do not belong to me, they belong to the mouse, I’m just commandeering them for the story, savvy?  But still enjoy, me hearties! -

~

“Come here, boy!”

“Come on please.”

“I have a nice juicy bone for ya.”

“Come here.”

Beej rolled his eyes as he leaned against one of the walls of his cell. One of his arms was across his chest while the other was what he was using as a cushion since the stone of the prison was unforgiving with its icy bite and he had already been cold enough today. “You lot can do that forever and the dog will never move.”

“Forgive us for not giving up and resort’ng ourselves to the gallows ‘ust yet.” One of the prisoners scoffed before they went back to calling for the mutt who held a large ring of keys within his jaws. Beej huffed at them before settling back against the wall. He couldn’t bother with them, though he did wish for some peace and quiet so he could think of an escape of some sort. He wasn’t looking forward to the gallows either, not that the lads behind him had to know that.

~

“There you go, Miss.” Barbara said as she slid the bed warmer under the several blankets that were tucked over the lady of the house. Lydia had been escorted home after Commodore Strong had asked her for the millionth time if she was alright. A bath had been immediately drawn for her and only when she had four cups of tea in her did her father cease his fussing. It was when he left the manor to return to the fort, did she feel that she could finally breathe.

“It was quite the day for you for sure.” Her maid went on and Lydia put down her book as she leaned back against the pillows. She merely smiled as the day flashed about her thoughts before she hummed.

“Well truth be told I suspected the Commodore to propose, but I still wasn’t entirely prepared for it.” Literally and figuratively, apparently. The more she thought of it, the more she was convinced that her body had been waiting for him to ask the question before she had lost consciousness, just so she wouldn’t have to answer. It made her laugh as she was sure that wasn’t the case, but she couldn’t help wishing it was just that.

“Miss, I meant you being apprehended by that pirate, it sounds dreadful.” Barbara added as she shuffled along the blankets making sure they were secure around her Misses. Lydia’s face fell as she suddenly remembered that she had indeed been in the arms of a pirate today.

“Oh…” Lyds commented as she nodded recalling the roughened hands pressing into her skin. His honey tone of mockery echoing in her pierced ear. Then those eyes. The description she had read about had failed to mention how haunting and beau- “Yes, it was …it was dreadful.” It wouldn’t do to finish that thought it was better to let the thoughts go.

“But the Commodore proposed!” Barbara gushed excitedly. “Now that’s a smart match, Miss, if it’s not too bold to say.”

“It is…” Lydia replied as she settled against the bed, but her eyes didn’t hold any excitement, nor did any part of her. She sighed as she realized she would eventually have to give Berthold an answer, if she could even figure out an answer to give. “He’s a …well he’s what every woman should imagine to marry.”

“Well, if I may,” Barbara hummed as she double checked that the lantern was good for the night.  “…that Dominic Orion, he’s a fine man who fancy’s you as well.”

“Ha,” Lydia giggled as she rolled her eyes and good naturally shook her head. She closed her book losing disinterest in it as she fixed her maid with a dispassionate gaze. “Yes, Dominic is kind, but I don’t feel what he feels for me. He’s more my brother than anything. If those two are my choices of who is supposed to take my hand, then I rather not make the choice at all.”

“Yes, Miss.” Barbara nodded letting her misses have her thoughts despite how innocent they may be. She would have to marry at some time, and it might do her better to marry the fellow whom she considered her brother than a man she had no feelings for at all. It wasn’t her place to say so instead she left the room after bidding the lady a final goodnight. 

Once she was alone Lydia sighed and plucked at the gold coin she was still wearing. She fiddled with it as she recalled the pirate had an interest in it. Why? Why did he care about a thing that was surely small compared to untold treasures he had seen in his life? He had looked he might have ripped it right off her neck had he been given the chance. She didn’t understand it and that made her all the more curious about what had happened today.

She suddenly resided from her thoughts as she realized the light was flickering. Her eyes traveled to her lantern that was indeed filled with enough oil for the night but as she squeezed the pendant in her hand the flame went out as if someone had purposely blown it out. There was no explanation for it and the air ceased in her lungs as an eeriness fell over not only her but the whole of Port Royal.

Well, that couldn’t be good.

~

The Commodore and Governor Deetz slowly walked along the walls of the fort. The Governor had returned for he wished to let Bert know that Lydia was indeed alright, also to continue talking with him for he hadn’t many chances at the party earlier that afternoon.

“Has Lydia given you an answer yet?” Charles casually asked with a gentle smile.

“No, not yet.” Bert replied as he sighed but returned the smile to the older man.

“Well, it’s been a difficult day for her. This ghastly weather is the fitting ending to such a day, don’t you agree?”

“It is bleak, indeed.” Bert nodded as he took a moment to fall back, glancing out to the dark water.

“What is that?” They both heard a faint whistle not instantly understanding what it was, but Bert jerked the Governor to the ground as a cannon ball struck the fort just behind him. He completely covered Charles’s body with his own and only when it was safe, he sat up again calling out orders to return fire.

“It can’t be…” Beej gasped as he jerked up from the perch in his cell, jumping to the barred window and looking down into the Cove of Port Royal. He was thankful that the window had a perfect view and his lips curled high as he was able to make out the black ship that nearly blended into the ocean that was colored coal from the dark night.

“My Kali…” He whispered as he watched the ship sent cannon shot after shot to the town and the fort.

“It’s the Kali!” One of the prisoners asked before he whimpered the name as he heard the Captain talk about the ship. They didn’t have a window like Beej did but there was nothing from stopping them from hearing the repeated cannon fire. “I’ve…I heard stories, she’s been preying on settlements ‘n ships for nearly ten years. Never leaves any survivors.”

“Ask yourself this, mate, where the stories come from if there be no survivors?” Beej mocked as he reluctantly took his eyes off the ship for just a moment to acknowledge the idiot prisoner behind him.

“Huh…”

~

Port Royal never stood a chance as the town was blasted to bits from the cannon fire. It hit every building, every structure, everything that was put together was blown apart. Men, woman, children scattered crying out and screaming into the dark night hoping to just possibly survive.

The cries of the town echoed all the way up to the fort where the navy was returning fire.

“Stash the muzzle flash. Stephen, more cartridges on the double man.” Bert commanded, before he stepped to Charles’s side touching his shoulder. “Governor, barricade yourself in my office.”

They ducked as a blast interrupted them before Bert growled. “That’s an order.” Charles gasped in deep fear but then nodded, knowing there wasn’t any way he could argue. He moved across the fort taking refugee in the office reluctantly.

Then it got worse as on the shoreline several boats filled with pirates stormed upon the sandy beach. They were here to raid pillage and destroy while two were on a special mission to find what their captain had demanded. A small shiny, invaluable to pirates despite its size.

Pirates flooded the streets and the ship circled around in the cove until it was further out and raining cannon fire down upon the fort. The people that weren’t lucky enough to get away from the damage of the cannon balls, they were attacked by blades of the pirates.

Dominic ran out into the streets grabbing axes and two swords from the shop, hoping to help. He threw an axe at a pirate that was chasing a screaming woman, it lodged into his back killing him. The pirate crumpled, giving the woman a chance to get away, Dom grabbed the axe before he jumped back into the fray.

Lydia ran out to the balcony of the house seeing the ship and the fort locked in an impasse of exchanging cannons neither willing to give up. She gasped as a lot of pirates stormed at the manor’s gates, having no difficulty with throwing it open and rushing to the door of the home. She ran back inside just as the pirates were knocking at the door. One of the butlers was walking across the foyer and sadly, just as Lydia screamed at him ‘Don’t!’, he already had and a gun went off. The butler landed back deader than a nail and Lydia shrieked at watching him die.

“Up there.” One of the pirates pointed at her. Lydia instantly took off for her room slamming the door closed and locking it. She was about to run into her main sleeping quarters when she ran into Barbara, they both screamed while her maid clutched onto her.

“The-They’ve come to kidnap you, Miss!”

“What?”

“You’re the governor’s daughter.” Lydia’s eyes widened but she jumped as the door rattled, the pirates were about to get through. “They haven’t seen you, so hide and the chance you get run to the fort.”

Then Lyds turned running back along the room just as she did the pirates broke through the barrier tumbling into the seating room and just catching the girl running into the next space. The shorter one gave chase but as he came to the threshold Lydia slammed the bedwarmer right into his face. Barbara ran through the door as she figured she wouldn’t get another chance.

The taller pirate captured the warmer’s handle before Lydia could swing it at him. They struggled until Lydia pulled the mechanism and hot embers fell upon the pirate like black rain. He screamed and jerked about as she dropped the heavy iron object then ran past them both.

“Hot, it’s hot. She burned me!”

“Come on!” The other pirate pulled him so that they both could give chase. One chased her down the stairs while the other jumped the landing trapping her upon the steps. There were other pirates about the home ransacking it for anything of value. A cannon was shot aimed perfectly at the house and it soared through the air hitting the nameless pirate and piles of gold in his arms square on. It was enough to weaken the support of the chandelier, so Lydia bolted passed one of the pirates as it crashed upon the floor, running into the dinning room.

She barred the door and instantly grabbed at the swords plaque that was above the fireplace, only it just decoration. The swords she hoped to use as defense wouldn’t budge so her head snapped around the room and then dove for a hiding place just as the pirates kicked passed her improve lock.

The two marched into the room one pointed at the opening window figuring they would have to chase her through the gardens yet the shorter one grabbed his arm and shook his head.

“We know you’re here, lassie.” He called out to the space. He slowly looked about the room while his friend remained quiet besides him. “Come out and we won’t hurt’cha. You have something that belongs to us, Lass. It calls to us.”

Lydia glanced down at the necklace. This. This thing brought them here. Why what was going on. “The gold calls to us.” Her hiding space went dark and she snapped her gaze up as the pirate was grinning right at here through the crack of the door.

“There ya are, Lass.” The doors opened and Lydia dropped the necklace as one word fell from her lips.

“Parley!”

The shorter of the pirates had pointed a gun to her hoping to shoot her but paused at the word. He glanced at his companion, but his gaze quickly went back to the lass. “How do you-”

“I invoke the right of parley!” Lydia repeated as she stood defiantly against the two, her palms shaking at her sides. “According to the Code of the Brethren composed by pirates Bartholomew and Morgan, you are now to take me before your captain.”

“I know the Code!” The smaller one growled as he was still confused on how a lady such as herself could recite the basic rules of the code as well as an old sea salt.

“Drop your weapon, then.” Lyds added as she glanced at the barrel of the pistol he was holding. “You know as well as I do, you can not harm me until the parley is complete.”

“To hell with the Code, Poppy, let’s just-”

“We must honor the Code, Vince, ain’t that right, Lassie? You want to go to the captain, fine, then you’ll come with us without a fuss.” Lydia complied as they grabbed at her and she could only hope they wouldn’t be hit by cannon fire before they made it to the ship.

~

“Watch out!” Beej yelled as he jumped from the window to the far end of the cell shoving his arms over his head. A cannon burst through the wall of the jail, shattering the stone wall as if it were simply paper, debris scattering like cockroaches along the floor.  

Beej shook out his head, the explosion left a deep ringing in his brain, but dread filled him as he noticed the position of the new crater. The prisoners in the next cell over hollered in joy as one by one they climbed out until there was one remaining.

“You have me sympathies, mate. Better luck next time.” He teased before joining the others and escaped into the night. Beetle sighed as he came up to the small part of the crater on his side of the bars, there was no escaping for him. He couldn’t even put his head through the hole. It was then he noticed the bone on the ground and he rolled his eyes before grabbing at it.

He had to try after all.

“Come on, boy.” He whistled while flicking the bone back and forth. The dog got to his feet coming over to him. “That’s right, it’s just the two of us now. You and old Beetle. Come on, closer. That’s it, come on, you stupid mingy mangled cur.”

The dog was just out of reach, so close but so far, before there was a loud clash at the top of the stairs. The dog then ran off deeper into the jail and Beetle cussed as he couldn’t grab him let alone the keys. His eyes then jumped to the stairs as there was more crashing, then a soldiers body was falling down the steps, and not moving once it came to a stop. There was however two walking down after him, two fellows he knew all too well.  

“Hey, Dan, look who we have here.” Leonard sneered as he strolled up to the bars. “Captain Beetle Kreaton.” He spat at the ground barely missing Beej’s arm who glared up at him from the other side of the iron cage.

“Last time we saw you, you were by your lonesome stuck on that godforsaken island, shrieking out like a woman as we sailed away.” Dan chuckled as he eyed the pirate with a grin that belonged on the devil himself. “Things haven’t improved since then have they, Kreaton.”

“Ya know, funny you should mention god, fellows.” Beej hummed as he dropped the bone before pulling himself up to his full height. “Because it’s not someone you’d be meeting soon, the deepest circle of hell is reserved for lot like you, mutineers and traitors.”

A hand shoved through the bars slamming upon his throat, near crushing his esophagus. That wasn’t the worst of it though, the arm that was now squeezing his skin was in the light of the moon and was nothing but bone. Bone and torn up fabric of the man’s otherwise intact jacket. Beej’s eyes widened in slight fright before he hummed.

“So, the curse is real.” He gasped as the skeleton fingers squeezed the skin of his neck. “Interesting.”

“You couldn’t even begin to understand hell, bastard.” Leonard sneered before he jerked his hand against the ex-captain’s neck once again then the two turned rushing back up the stairs from once they came.  

“That’s truly interesting.” He hummed as he was alone once again.

~

She was rushed through the streets. Lydia had saw a glimpse of Dominic fighting among the several citizens but the pirate continued on to lead her through the streets and so she couldn’t tell if he saw her. She was guided to a long boat where they held not only her but countless arrays of goods they had obtained from the town. The pirates didn’t touch her other than the smaller one keeping a crushing grip upon her arm. He warned them all not to bother her since she had shouted parley.  

They pulled her up upon the ship. They helped her crouch under the gunwale and take her first steps on board. There was so much going on, men running about, the echoing of the cannons in the air, it was madness. She could only gaze up at a man on the stern castle deck draped in a coat of ashen gray and a large hat perched upon his head decorated with unrecognizable feathers. A capuchin monkey swung on some random rigging before perching itself upon the Captain’s shoulder. He was surly the captain and who she would be negotiating with.

She was all confirmed in her thoughts as the two men who had guided her this entire way began dragging her to the stairs, only to be halted by a towering man with eyes of deep angry blue.

“We agreed, no captives.” He spat glancing at Lydia as if she were a thorn in his side.

“She invoked parley with the Capt’n.” Poppy barked as he tried to push past Sandy Marte, but the Lady got out of his grip, stepping closer to the First Mate instead.

“I’m here to ne-” A resounding slap echoed over the entire ambiance, silencing it and all the men stopped what they were doing to watch. Lydia yelped at the sting, covering the impact with her palm. She wanted to say something further, yet words died on her tongue as her eyes widened in slight fear.

“You’d speak when you are spoken too!” Sandy growled keeping his hand up just as a threat to hit her again before a hand soundly landed upon his forearm and long unkept nails dug into his skin.  

“And you...” Sandy made to flinch and gulp as he listened to that chilling voice. “…will do good to remember that no harm is to come to those under the protection of parley.”

“Aye, sir.” The First Mate agreed retreating his sun kissed arm and backing up among the other lads, allowing the Captain to step forward. Lydia held her ground standing as straight and proud as any noble should. She would not let her fear show, she couldn’t. She eased her hand down as the imposing man stepped closer. He looked her over, down his pointed nose with his eyes of earth brown sweeping about her completely, as if he could read her very soul. His mouth crooked up into a disturbing smile once he looked back into her own hazel eyes.

“My apologies, Miss.” He said in more of a whisper, as if the whole crew wasn’t listening to their every word.

“Captain Brightman…” Lydia stated the name slowly, showing him the respect he deserved, despite what she thought of him, yet there was a growl to her tone as she continued. “I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal.”

“There be many long words in that, Miss.” The Captain quirked his lips before he began chuckling at her, in fact the whole crew was chuckling under their breaths. “We be humble pirates, so one more time, what it be that you actually want?”

“I want you to leave then never come back.” She out right demanded, never once breaking her gaze from the captain even as now the whole ship broke out into amused laughter. Her fists curled at her sides, doing right to keep her trembling at bay. She wished to silence them all, but she knew it be better to ignore them. Her focus had to be solely on the Captain, or she would lose her nerve.

“I am disinclined to acquiesce to such a request.” Brightman at last replied, his smile blooming into a full grimy toothed smirk, especially as he hunched by leaning forward right into her personal space when her face pinched in confusion. “Otherwise known as ‘No’.”

“Right, then.”  She jerked the necklace off her neck then stormed over to the railing of the ship. Her hand shot out the chain dangling from her closed fist before she turned her eyes back on the captain with a glare. “I’ll drop it.”  

“That small bit matters nothing to us while our hold overflows with swag,” Brightman casually chuckled as he moved closer to her eyeing the pendant with disdain though his face fell as his eyes returned to hers. “Why bother with the threat, Lass?”

“You’ve been searching for this, have you not?” Lydia questioned as she glanced about the pirates, knowing they needed this but wondering why they weren’t stopping her. “I know I’m not mistaken, you are the pirates that I saw after you all attacked the ship eight years ago when I crossed from England. I’d know this ship anywhere.”

“Oh, do you now?” The Captain taunted while he hid his surprise. Lydia glared at him as he seemed to be mocking her. She could easily play his game if need be. She sighed glancing over the pirates once more before shrugging.

“Very well, if it’s worthless then there is no point to keep it.” The necklace chain lengthened slightly in her hand, the coin slid closer to the water. It was an instant reaction. Every single person other than her jerked forward reaching out for the gold and her. Brightman had the reaction she strived for the most, he yelled out for her to stop, the desperate ‘no’ falling from his chapped lips sent a pleased smile upon her own.  

He then laughed before gliding closer to her not stopping until he was invading her space once again. She pulled her hand back clutching the coin in her palm now. She made not to move back as his eyes swept about her again as if she be a puzzle he couldn’t understand. This close she could tell his eyes had a hint of yellow mixing in with the white, but it didn’t deter from the coldness of his brown irises boring into her. “You got a name, Miss?”

“Lydia…” She caught herself from saying her true name and dropped her head in a bow. “Lydia Orion, I’m a maid amid the governor’s staff.”

They should have realized that she wasn’t a maid by the state of her dress alone, but they were too focused on her name. “Miss Orion.” Brightman echoed so that all of his lads could hear the name as true as a bell. Murmurs burst from the pirates, all them now sporting smirks or grins, ones they knew to be filled with deep relief. Lydia pinched her brows as she heard the two pirates that had escorted her here in the first place.

“Doomed Doomie.” The shorter one had said to the other, who slowly turned about to gaze at her with more intrigue than before.

“Now,” Lydia snapped her eyes back to the Captain who was once again smirking at her and ranking his eyes over her completely. “how does a maid come to acquire such a thing? Perhaps passed down from a family member?”

“Are you inquiring I have stolen it, because I have not.” She questioned in reply. It seemed to be the answer he was willing to accept because his smirk fell into a simple grin as he held out his hand.

“Alright then, hand it over, and you have my word, we’ll put this town to our rudder and ne’er come back.” She reluctantly handed over the shiny, easing it into his hand. He passed it to the monkey who had been upon his shoulder the entire time. The monkey gripped the necklace before jumping up and disappearing along the rat lines. When she could no longer see the creature, her eyes went back to him before they settled in a harsh glare.

“We have a bargain?” The Captain said nothing just turned about on his boots nodding to his first mate. The man instantly called out the orders for those who were still on shore to come back and for the guns to cease fire. The Captain was walking away from her, but she was immediately at his heels calling out for him to take her to shore.

“You have to take me back for according to the code-”

“Firstly,” He barked as he turned about catching her against him as she bumped against his suddenly stopped body. She almost yelped as his body was unnaturally cold and his voice was mockingly ringing in her ear. “You didn’t request to be returned to shore, so I don’t have to do nothing. Secondly, for the code to apply you must be a pirate and you are no such thing, then lastly, Lassie, the code be more guidelines, not official rules. So welcome aboard the Kali, Miss Orion.” He released her and she stumbled back into the arms of the two pirates who had cornered her in her own home. They dragged her away to the Captain’s cabin, locking her within the room before joining their fellow mates to help with making sail. Captain Brightman stood at the helm where his companion jumped back upon his shoulder and he held the necklace once again.

After all these years, they had the final piece and even better the blood to be paid, once they cleared of this port they would finally break the curse upon them all. He shuddered as he guided the Kali out of the cove and a smirked curled his lips high. Oh yes, he could nearly taste it, freedom at long last.

~  

[kingofthewilderwest]

Do you think Mabel gets too much hate? I noticed when a female character acts selfish she gets hated on but when a male character does the same it’s praised

We’re free to love or hate any character with or without reason. That said, I feel sad seeing Mabel hate and agree Mabel receives too much hate. I feel like the rhetoric claiming she’s unforgivably selfish is skewed. I think people have decent criticisms regarding Mabel’s character and how she’s presented. However, I don’t think they sufficiently describe the full picture.

Anecdotally, I don’t think this is a case of sweeping sexism because Ford also receives more criticism than I think warranted. My perspective on how much hate each character proportionately receives could be incomplete, though.

But anyway. Let’s talk Mabel.

First though: please don’t try to debate this with me. If you don’t like my opinion, no worries. That’s chill. I’m just not interested in using my recreation time debating this. Thanks! :) However, if you want further clarifications, analyses, case studies, etc. I’m happy to talk more, because this is NOWHERE close to exhausting my thoughts on this topic.

Mabel’s Selfishness: The General Critique

I think everyday anti-Mabel criticism tends to use points like:

When other characters act selfishly, they’re called out and the narrative punishes them. But when Mabel wants something, she gets it, and it’s a reward (The Deep End, The Time Traveler’s Pig, Escape from Reality).

Mabel never learns how to give up something important and deal with that loss. Even when she lets something go, it’s not something that would have been good in her life. For instance, her failed puppet performance is “dodging a bullet” rather than losing something meaningful, since Gabe’s just a puppet kisser. In the end, she doesn’t have to live with sacrifice (Boyz Crazy, Sock Opera).

Mabel even selfishly causes the apocalypse by giving Bill the rift. She’s never held responsible for that (Dipper and Mabel vs the Future).

The narrative reinforces that Mabel is a good person even when she’s not (The Last Mabelcorn).

People particularly look at Mabel in S2 over S1; many claim that’s when her character began to feel selfish and insufferable. 

This isn’t everything, but I have tried to characterize the rhetoric fairly based upon what I’ve seen.

I find these discussion points understandable. Mabel can be self-focused and sometimes ignores others’ feelings. Alex Hirsch admitted in DVD commentaries that he focused on Dipper learning lessons because he put himself in Dipper’s shoes. And some of Alex’s writing intentions could’ve been clearer, like instances where the twins resolve conflicting desires. We could talk about how the show could be improved or the character is legitimately not-selfless.

At the same time, I think how fandom uses these talking points isn’t 100% fair to Mabel’s character or the show’s full narrative. 

I want to point out that Mabel hate for her selfishness covers two fronts: one claim that Mabel is selfish, and another claim that the surrounding plot doesn’t handle her selfishness satisfactorily. I think there’s fair constructive criticism when it comes to narrative framing (even if I disagree), but I don’t think the same dialogue is good rationale against Mabel’s personality. At times I see the two concepts conflated. The narrative may annoy you if you think selfishness isn’t addressed in plot, and contribute to you disliking the character, but claiming “Mabel is selfish” because of that is flawed logic. 

In this analysis, I’ll cover both fronts. I’ll tackle the four points I mentioned above and explain why I find them too harsh. I’m not going to cover all my thoughts (yes, my original draft was longer!!), but I will argue:

Mabel reverses her selfishness - and that’s the big choice sealing the climax of multiple episodes. She doesn’t get off “consequence free” either (Boyz Crazy, Sock Opera)

Mabel sacrifices for others. The narrative does show that Dipper and Mabel meet in the middle, not that Dipper feels guilty enough to ameliorate his sister’s wishes (Sock Opera, Escape from Reality)

Mabel giving the rift to “Blendin” mirrors Dipper offering a puppet to Bill. Both twins are emotionally compromised and believe they’re making a harmless deal with an inconsequential item. Neither would’ve made these choices in calmer circumstances. Sock Opera doesn’t have Dipper deal with his culpability; relax up on Mabel (Sock Opera, Dipper and Mabel vs the Future)

Mabel’s selfishness is addressed, handled, and resolved. The moral of The Last Mabelcorn isn’t defending Mabel’s goodness; it’s Mabel embracing imperfection. Mabel learns she’s a bad person and changes her perspective of herself multiple times in canon (The Last Mabelcorn, Lost Legends)

I could also have talked about how selfishness isn’t required to be resolved in her character arc, all the times Mabel does nice things for others, how she doesn’t always obnoxiously hog the spotlight, and other things, but I want to cap the length of this essay.

So let’s begin.

Can Mabel learn from selfishness if she’s consequence-free and never handles meaningful loss?

Anti-Mabel Argument: Circumstances don’t adversely affect Mabel. This means she never has to sacrifice for her brother like Dipper does for her. For instance, in Sock Opera, Mabel sees that Gabe is a weirdo over-obsessed with puppets. Her failed puppet performance was “dodging a bullet” rather than losing something meaningful, so she doesn’t learn true self-sacrificial love. Mabel never learns how to give something important up and deal without it. So, she never changes.

Boyz Crazy not only is an episode where the climax is Mabel learning to act against her selfish desires, but it’s got an explicit apology in dialogue. “I’m sorry I went bonkers,” she tells Candy and Grenda. “A catchy song made me realize that you were right. Can you ever forgive me?”

While Mabel has to learn this lesson again in later episodes, it’s to note: most GF characters are fairly static, and Dipper also has to learn multiple times not to hit on Wendy. Character progress doesn’t happen all at once. And in the next episode I’ll talk about, not only does Mabel confront her selfishness, but it’s the last time she lets her boy chasing impact Dipper. It ends after this.

I’m talking Sock Opera.

Mabel’s sacrifice in Sock Opera is big. She doesn’t get off “consequence free.” She decides to sabotage her performance before knowing Gabe’s a weirdo. Mabel is fully willing to lose her most viable romance option… for Dipper. She realizes her brother would be willing to give something up for her, and she’s going to reciprocate by giving up something big for him. 

Mabel might’ve dodged the bullet of dating Gabe, but she still gives up something big and will feel it. Sure, she makes the puppet show to impress Gabe. But she’s also entertaining a full audience. She can feel the people booing her, see them storming out and leaving. Mabel is someone who wants everyone happy, so much that seeing everyone happy except Robbie puts her in Crisis Mode. I don’t know about you, but just because I saw some guy kissing puppets, I wouldn’t think, “Yay! I had a happy outcome to this play ordeal!”

Mabel VERY much says, in the dialogue, that her brother would give up something big for her. And that’s what her Big Choice comes down to. Every episode climax in Gravity Falls comes down to The Big Choice. Here, Mabel’s Big Choice… is to sacrificially watch her hard work burst into literal flames.

Mabel apologizes to her brother, “I’m sorry, Dipper. I spent all week obsessing over a dumb guy. But the dumb guy I should have cared about was you.”

In following episodes, Mabel does put Dipper in mind. She gets momentarily distracted by crushes in The Love God, but that’s in a quest to solve her own mistake - a mistake that came from trying to make everyone, from Robbie to Thompson to Dipper, happy. She wants to include Dipper, from the Ducktective finale to her birthday party planning mission. And if you’re focusing on how she teases Dipper, why aren’t you also targeting Stan, who makes the same action without change?

Mabel Hate rhetoric focuses on how Bill was “right” in Sock Opera and she still acts selfishly in the same patterns after that episode. But, the climax is Mabel resisting Bill and demonstrating self-sacrifice, and that arguably does influence her character afterwards. It’s one step in an incomplete process. She might not be ready to handle Dipper separating off with Ford, but that’s because her arc still isn’t completed.

We do see Mabel dealing with meaningful loss like the collapse of her puppet show. She does show sacrificial love for her brother. And, as I’ll talk about more, she continues to grapple with and grow in selflessness through later decisions like Escape Through Reality.

Does Mabel ever realize she’s a bad person?

Anti-Mabel Argument: Narrative reinforces Mabel is a good person even when she’s not. Alex Hirsch wrote with rose-tinted bias because Mabel represents Alex’s twin sister. The Last Mabelcorn showcases that. Instead of Mabel learning she’s a bad person who can’t receive a unicorn’s blessing… the unicorn’s criticisms against Mabel get nullified – the creature’s lying about Mabel’s impure heart. Mabel got affirmed for who she was rather than dealing with her imperfection.

First off: if you haven’t watched the DVD commentary for The Last Mabelcorn, you should. It’s a wild story how this episode got made. Alex Hirsch trashed the script of an entire episode 48 hours before it was due. He crunched to write a new episode - by himself - from scratch. So yeah. A few lines of final dialogue could’ve been tweaked to improve the message, but the fact he wrote as successful an episode as he did in that short of time is incredible. And the message of The Last Mabelcorn is there:

Mabel learns she’s an *IMPERFECT* person. She embraces being imperfect instead of groveling for impossible perfection and meaningless approval.

Maybe that’s not the “Mabel learns selflessness!” episode you wanted, but this is a fascinating lesson, and one I don’t see touted tons in media. I love it.

Mabel spends the episode attempting to be pure of heart through kind deeds. Wendy tells Mabel they should solve their problem the dirty way. Mabel keeps refusing until the unicorns anger her. This is the moment of triumph: she punches a unicorn. Mabel forsakes the route of “pure” good deeds to do what she first considered dirty. That’s the hero moment, dudes! 

Mabel says the unicorns are “worse” than her, not that she’s good and they’re bad. Mabel comes out of the adventure declaring, “Today I learned morality is relative.” That’s because the episode’s climactic Big Choice isn’t about Mabel accepting she’s a “pure” person; it’s about Mabel accepting she can make “impure” choices.

Ford is the person at the end who tries to tell Mabel she’s good. But Mabel contradicts what he says with that “morality is relative” quote. What she takes away is that she’s imperfect, she can make non-sparkly-decisions, and that’s okay. She’s become more aware of herself and her flaws, but also accepts she can make choices others might shake their heads at. 

So. Ford and Wendy might’ve called Mabel “a good person” in key parts of the episode, which is why I say Alex (not in a time crunch) could’ve considered tweaking lines to make the point clearer. But I don’t think the episode depicts Mabel as a selfish jerk who never learns her flaws.

And frankly? If I had to choose between a standard “you’re not perfect” episode and this? I’d MUCH rather have this, where characters learn lessons, but we also get the show’s humorous, slightly subversive, slightly truthful “anti-morality.” That’s a Gravity Falls thing, after all. (For other anti-morality examples: Stan saying Summerween is about celebrating “pure evil,” Mabel deciding it’s good to lie so Stan doesn’t get arrested, Mabel deciding being an asshole to employees is productive, etc.)

So yes, Mabel realizes she’s a bad person, even if it’s not in the way you expected. And that’s still not the end of her character arc. 

Does Mabel ever sacrifice for others Dipper?

Argument: Mabel only agrees to leave her bubble after Dipper promises to drop Ford’s apprenticeship. This apprenticeship would have been huge for Dipper. But all Mabel “sacrifices” is leaving a fake world she’s hiding in, goofing around instead of helping people in literal Armageddon. 

Much of Mabel and Dipper’s relationship is about how they’re opposites. We repeatedly see the best place for both of them is the middle. Alex Hirsch talks about this tons. Whether it’s perfectly implemented is a debate for another day. I do think these concepts can be seen even in episodes like Escape From Reality where there’s been criticism of narrative execution.

I’ve seen people say Mabel “gets her way” because Dipper turns down Ford’s apprenticeship when he sees it makes her sad. Hirsch has said in commentaries Dipper was making a mistake wanting the apprenticeship. Mabel wants to avoid growing up while Dipper wants to grow up too fast.

We don’t have to take Hirsch’s word-of-god for it: the story does show that Dipper was erring with the apprenticeship. Ford intends well, but his bias against siblinghood means he’s polluting Dipper’s values. He suggests that Dipper staying with Mabel is “suffocating.” He suggests that Dipper is “greater” and should be doing something with it. “Dipper, can you honestly tell me you never felt like you were meant for something more?” And later: “Listen to me, Dipper: this town is a magnet for things that are special. And that includes you and me. It brought both of us here for a purpose! Stay here with me, Dipper. Become my apprentice. Don’t let anyone hold you [back].”

When Mabel and Dipper make resolutions in Mabel Land, Dipper says he’ll drop the apprenticeship. This emotionally touches Mabel. But being emotionally touched doesn’t mean that’s WHY she makes amends with her brother. Instead, Mabel reassures him that he can take the apprenticeship if he wants. She leaves the choice up to him and is willing to let him live in another state during their teen years. She finds his needs and desires important.

And honestly? It’s Dipper himself who realizes the apprenticeship is bogus; it’s not because Mabel is forcing her brother to change. “Mabel, I thought you were living a fantasy, but look at me! I actually thought I was gonna stay here and be Ford’s apprentice. Spend my entire teens cooped up in a basement with a lab coat? How ridiculous is that?” He sheds the idea because he realizes it’s a bad one, not because he’s ameliorating someone too selfish to accept her brother leaving her.

It’s also to note Mabel Land tempts everyone. Calling only Mabel selfish when everyone else gets pulled in… seems incorrect. Bill considers it a diabolical, inescapable prison. People like Soos, Wendy, and Dipper who know it’s a prison get drawn to Mabel Land’s temptations. Heck, Dipper gets tempted with an old vice. He might have grown more mature, but that doesn’t mean he can’t trip occasionally (we can apply the same understanding to Mabel and “selfishness,” by the way - someone can both grow and keep tripping). Mabel, meanwhile, wants to use the bubble to help and comfort her visiting friends (which is, for the record, not selfish) and thinks reality should be avoided because both her and Dipper’s lives have been adversely affected. Dipper’s pain is important, too. Mabel has been in this prison longer than Soos, Wendy, and Dipper, and the prison was designed for her - ergo she’s going to be more manipulated by it. Lots of her actions are avoidance tactics because she’s scared of growing up, yes. The court trial is a lot, yes. But we should bear in mind that this is a child scared of growing up and feeling the burn of conflict with her brother. Emotional and psychological context is important. We all get vulnerable. Do our lowest lows define our entire personality?

When Dipper and Mabel make their compromise, both reject temptations. Dipper rejects a bad apprenticeship; Mabel rejects a bad reality. They offer each other solutions where they don’t get what they originally want. They meet in the middle, and this is the best way for both to move forward in the aging process. They’re both satisfied and confident with their choice. It’s not Dipper giving up everything for Mabel, ameliorating her because she’s sad. It’s about the twins learning they can make it through life together, through thick and thin.

Potentially muddled thematic framing does not erase the resolution the twins make. It does not erase that Mabel’s depicted as someone willing to give up major things for her brother.

Okay. But that rift thing. How can you excuse the APOCALYPSE??? JUST TO HAVE MORE SUMMER!?!

The point is that Mabel is emotionally compromised and outmanipulated.

She’s a terrified twelve year old going through a Very Rough Day. She’s terrified about the future, she’s learned bad news after bad news, and she’s afraid her life as she knows it will be wrenched apart. It feels like everything she loves - from her best friends to her brother - will be distanced from her. 

Would you have handled this well as a kid? Adults have issues with this, too.

When she meets “Blendin,” she’s told that trading one inconsequential item will save her future. It’s self-focused, but it’s important to understand: she wouldn’t have made this choice in calmer emotional states.

Compare this to Dipper making a deal with Bill in Sock Opera. The twins literally make the same mistake for the same reasons, duped by the same villain.

Dipper: Decides to give Bill one of Mabel’s belongings, a puppet, without her knowledge. Mabel: Decides to give Bill one of Dipper’s backpack items without his knowledge. 

Dipper: Irritated with Mabel because she isn’t helping unlock the laptop.Mabel: Frustrated with Dipper because it feels like he’s abandoning her to be “special” with Ford. 

Dipper: This is an inconsequential bargain. Bill is just unlocking the laptop. He’s just taking a sock puppet - Mabel has plenty of those.Mabel: Nothing bad will happen. Just a few more weeks of summer. And she’s giving an item Ford allegedly won’t notice is missing.

Dipper: The laptop counter is ticking. Only a matter of minutes before the data gets erased.Mabel: Summer is ending in a week. Separation from Dipper is imminent. 

Dipper: Not thinking clearly due to sleep deprivation.Mabel: Not thinking clearly, emotionally compromised from a walloping bad day.

Hirsch and company have confirmed that only this combination of factors convinced Dipper to make a deal with a demon. Mabel wouldn’t have shook “Blendin’s” hand in less severe circumstances. It’s ironic that, in Sock Opera and Dipper and Mabel vs the Future, rhetoric attacks Mabel in both episodes.

So yes, Mabel gave Bill the rift. But yes, Dipper jeopardized the town’s safety by letting Bill into his body.

I know that, at this point, people might argue there’s a narrative difference. Dipper learned from his mistake but Mabel didn’t. However, I disagree. There wasn’t dialogue in Sock Opera where Dipper explicitly confronts his transgression and works it out with Mabel on screen. Same thing with Mabel and the rift. I know fans wanted it addressed that Mabel started the apocalypse… and frankly I would’ve enjoyed that too… but it doesn’t make Mabel’s writing as a character suddenly, “OH NO SELFISH SELFISH! AND THE NARRATIVE IS LETTING HER GET AWAY WITH BEING SELFISH!”

It’s no different than how writing handles Dipper in Sock Opera. And again, give a terrified kid a break instead of calling a large emotional low “irrevocably selfish.”

By the time Take Back the Falls comes around, Mabel encourages everyone to work together to fight Bill. Mabel risks her life to save the town and her family. Mabel works together with Dipper and puts the people she loves first.

Lost Legends: Fixing remaining narrative holes

After S2 ended, Mabel’s selfishness is head on tackled. That’s the ENTIRE point of Don’t Dimension It in Lost Legends. I suspect Alex Hirsch read Mabel criticism and intentionally reacted through Lost Legends. In this story, Mabel acts out of self-focused energy and doesn’t realize her actions have negative consequences to others. It puts the Pines family in an interdimensional conundrum. Once Mabel runs into other Mabels from other dimensions, she comes to terms that she’s self-absorbed and needs to be attuned to how others feel. Mabel realizes she put everyone in this mess. She apologizes to her family and resolves to be better.

It’s great.

I’ve still seen people criticize it. And that’s where I think Mabel hate rhetoric definitely goes too far. I suspect there’s bias in how people responded to that comic. By the time Lost Legends came out, criticisms for selfish Mabel were rampant and people were set in their perspectives, so seeing a character arc about Mabel’s selfishness got unfairly nitpicky responses. 

I’ve seen people say things like, “Well, she only learns when she interacts with herself, not with others!” But that’s a cool way of presenting story! Mabel sees herself in a literal mirror and takes away truth. Sometimes we don’t see our flaws until it’s right in our faces. This is Mabel’s in-the-face moment. The “I’m selfish” revelation doesn’t have to be with Dipper to be relevant toward how she treats Dipper. She takes away the full lesson she’s self-absorbed and needs to fix that. She immediately makes sure to talk to Dipper about becoming a better person. She owns responsibility toward how she’s treated her brother - and mentions the entire summer as the scope of her fault.

“I’m sorry for being selfish this summer,” the comic ends. “I guess it took me dealing with myself to realize what you put up with. It’s time for us to start some new adventures! And this time I won’t always hog the spotlight.”

There are other criticisms about Lost Legends, which I feel boil down to “I don’t know, still doesn’t satisfy me, not enough.” It makes me wonder what would get people satisfied. Does every possible angle of how someone could learn selfishness have to be covered thoroughly? No franchise can cover that scope. Isn’t there still lots of takeaway with Mabel? Don’t Dimension It alone is an episode’s worth of material, the same amount of content which most fans deemed enough to wrap up Dipper getting over Wendy, Pacifica being a brat, and Gideon being creepy on Mabel.

Mabel’s selfishness gets addressed, multiple times, and gets a final-final resolution in the comics.

Final Thoughts

I think it’s an interesting point you make, anon friend, that male characters get praised while women get condemned. I haven’t talked about gender aspects or other selfishly-acting male characters like Stanley (whose selfishness people perceive as lovable). I said earlier I don’t think it’s rampant fandom sexism, but there still could be a point there. Maybe you’re right it’s a factor. It wouldn’t be the first time gender perception’s done that.

I think there’s also point to be made that Dipper is the protagonist. Mabel’s a deuteragonist. It’s more common to write life lessons for the protagonist. That’s fine. Dipper learning more lessons than Mabel and Dipper giving up a little more than Mabel is a result of being a protagonist, not narrative excusing Mabel for her flaws or letting her waltz around scott free.

So yeah. I think Mabel’s gotten too much criticism for that flaw. Constructive criticism is almost always interesting in fandom dialogue, but rampant hate movements make me sad. Talking about how narrative structure could’ve been improved I find cool; pinning it on the character’s humanity bothers me. I think lots of the dialogue turns into criticizing Mabel unfairly as a person, and given as other GF characters have glaring flaws, it feels imbalanced and uncomfortable that SHE gets disproportionate attacks. 

This is Mabel we’re talking about. Mabel Pines, who’s SO selfish she tries to rescue Mermando when that means she’ll never see him again. Mabel Pines, who’s SO selfish she knits everyone sweaters during the Apocalypse. Mabel Pines, who’s SO selfish she calls out Dipper when he’s leading on Candy. Mabel Pines, who risks her life in multiple daring moves to save the town, parachuting through the sky into the demon’s lair… acting as a decoy to distract Bill Cipher… and more. Mabel Pines, who spends an entire episode trying to make everyone happy, down to Robbie, whom everyone else didn’t care enough about (but Mabel did!!!). Mabel Pines, who encourages Soos to date women and find a romantic connection he’s satisfied with. Mabel Pines, who fights in Globnar and risks her life, just so Soos can have a happy birthday and forget about his dad. Mabel Pines, who decides it’s better to be friends with her enemy Pacifica than fight petty battles. Mabel Pines, whose love for her brother helps even the thirty year rift between Stan and Ford mend. Mabel, who couldn’t give up on Stan and found a way to restore his memories when all others thought it lost. Mabel. Fucking. Pines!

[skullsandwineglasses]

To Dear Myself Review/Rant

If you’ve had the patience to watch all 45 episodes until the end, then you probably know what I’m going to talk about in this review. I feel like it’s pretty unanimous that the ending was awful. 

It’s a slow burn slice-of-life drama. I don’t normally watch these types of dramas and instead go for the ones that are fantastical and far away from reality so that I can completely get lost in another world. But Liu Shishi and Zhu Yilong are familiar faces, and I’m more likely to start a bad drama with familiar actors than a good drama with unfamiliar actors, because I’m basic and want to invest as little attention and mental effort as possible (it takes work to warm up to new faces). 

The drama started off promising: it introduced obstacles that normal couples and families would face. Obstacles like money, social class, infidelity, unemployment, workplace competition, the value and desirability of “aging” women who prioritize work over love. It was relatable, even though some of these are unfamiliar experiences for me, a psychology grad student in her mid-20s. I didn’t expect this drama to be inspiring. I didn’t want this drama to be inspiring. But I wanted it to be at least logical, if not realistic. The drama seemed to promise reality though, which I held out hope for, but instead it butchered the character arc for most of the leads. 

[spoilers ahead]

The devolution of Li Si Yu and Chen Yi Ming’s relationship was laughable. 

LSY is afraid of marriage, while CYM believes that the ultimate goal in life is to get married and have a family. They don’t see eye to eye on this, and so the pressure causes them to break up. I respect this. It’s a common problem: you can’t really move forward when one isn’t ready to settle down, and the other isn’t willing to wait or support them. CYM is portrayed as a calm, composed, and morally upright person who feels uncomfortable when LSY makes a questionable decision. But CYM is also a hypocritical person who suppresses his feelings. Whenever he’s displeased, he acts as thought everything is fine until he can’t hide it anymore and explodes with unbidden rage. He punches the roof of the car, he slams the desk. It’s a little scary tbh. LSY is portrayed as a passionate and impulsive career-driven woman. She has to make tough decisions, and you understand why she makes them. Whenever she’s unhappy, she’ll let you know. The drama seems to set up a character development arc for these two flawed characters. 

LSY starts her own company, but then fails, and ends up learning that while it’s important to fight for what you believe in, but you shouldn’t be too caught up in whether your fail or succeed. It’s the classic “it’s about the journey, not the destination” kind of lesson. 

After a bout of heartbreak, CYM is swept off his feet by the manipulative Wang Ziru. She lies to him, evades him, controls him. At this point in the drama, we think that LSY is better off without him because he seemed to have moved on so swiftly. CYM and WZR seem to have a calmer relationship than the one he had with LSY. They never argue. We see that he’s easily attracted to confident, powerful women, but expects them to settle down with him when they’re not ready. For a third of the drama, he’s happily in love with WZR and doesn’t think about or interact with LSY (except when he comes to her office to tell her to shut her company “for her own good”). It looks like he completely moved on.

LSY on the other hand, misses him. She’s always looking at the only picture that she’s saved of them together. She still loves him. 

I liked that they introduced Guan Xiao Tong as a potential love interest for LSY. Despite being over a decade younger than LSY and constantly being looked down by her because of this, I thought he was quite mature. I also liked how LSY wasn’t “moved” by him. The typical drama would have her eventually reciprocate his feelings and make him her rebound. Yes, she was amused by him, but she knew that he wouldn’t grow up fast enough with her, and so she never led him on. It made their relationship wholesome. Even though LSY  wasn’t attracted to him, I liked how the drama normalized a potential may/december relationship between a woman and man. Though I don’t think I can forgive the drama was making him disappear so abruptly after he found out that his dad was struggling financially. Maybe the drama implied that GXT was too busy “growing up” by helping with his dad’s business so his relationship with LSY came to an end and that he was no longer relevant to drama, but that wasn’t made clear at all. 

Zhi Zhi also stopped appearing after the 3rd last episode of the drama when she decided not to marry the misogynistic Su Li Xing and to instead stay in Shanghai for her career, which also implied that there could be a chance for her and Liu Yang to get back together (their storyline is a whole other can of worms, but I have to admit that no other drama, movie, or book has made me cry as hard as Zhi Zhi confronting the mistress and then getting publicly slapped by her husband. Not sure if it was the drama itself that had the power to move me, or if it was because I watched that scene at 3am on a Thursday, or because it reminded me of some personal experiences, but either way, I sobbed hella hard that night).

But back to LSY and CYM. In the last 2 episodes of the drama, they start appearing together in scenes again. There are some unresolved emotions. There is still attraction. Nervous, longing, awkward glances. After nearly 20 episodes of believing that a reconciliation is impossible, you start wondering if the drama is hinting that they’re gonna force them back together in the last 2 episodes. CYM sells his apartment to support LSY’s project. Haowen tells LSY that CYM still calls out her name when he’s drunk (although it’s still unclear if this was just a gimmick to distract her to sign the sale agreement). 

CYM can’t give WZR a straight answer about whether or not he still loves LSY. He punches Gong Jing in the face for cheating LSY out of her shares. 

And even after all this, guess what happens? He confronts WZR. She tells him she lied to him to help him preserve his dignity. She tells him she had to do underhanded, unethical things in order to save the livelihood of an entire company that she’s responsible for. He’s moved. He’s grateful for her thoughtfulness towards him. He stands by her. He chooses her. 

I mean, what? Does he really love her that much that he’s willing to look past everything she’s done? All the crimes and hurt she’s committed? I don’t need to him to get back together with LSY. I don’t want them to. I think he’s a terrible character who believes that happiness and fulfilment only comes form finding a woman who’s willing to let him love and dote on her. But this decision just doesn’t match the morally upright character we’ve been sold with at the beginning of the drama. LSY only made one morally questionable decision, of which she apologized for, and yet CYM was already questioning whether or not they should continue their relationship because he felt like they were going different ways. And yet he forgives WZR? Because he loves her? But? What about those ambiguous, uncomfortable faces he made when he was with her? Like that scene when he helped take off her coat before she went into the awards ceremony, and he stood back, leaning by the door, staring off into the distance looking sad and regretful?? What are we supposed to make of those scenes and expressions? I probably shouldn’t victim blame, especially since WZR created an uneven power dynamic in their (lowkey toxic) relationship, but I’m just not sure what the scriptwriter was trying to do with this plotline. It felt like they were condoning WZR’s behaviour (despite saying she was arrested in a voiceover) because CYM forgave her. Or were they condemning CYM’s passiveness? Again, not clear.

And then the final scene with the women marching on happy and hopeful, and then men staring out onto the city skyline looking lost and depressed? Female empowerment is great, and it was nice that they were all single at the end (except for Xiao Ling, I guess), but was it really necessary to tear men down to emphasize this? But then again, the drama kind of had to since they wrote shitty male characters. I just dislike creating the winner/loser dichotomy. 

I respect that Liu Yang is working his way towards forgiveness and has found what he’s passionate about. But I don’t know if he’s forgivable, because what he did was pretty unforgivable, but he’s showing growth and is working towards redemption, which is somewhat admirable. 

Haowen went from being the most level-headed one to becoming the most impulsive and obsessive one. 

CYM is just blank. Absolutely blank. There is nothing interesting about him. At first you pity him for being the one who’s always chasing after LSY and being the one to give in first for the sake of the relationship, but then you realize that he’s just trying to mold himself into what he thinks is the “ideal” boyfriend, which he thinks is someone who is able to succeed without the help of his girlfriend. He thinks it’s weak to rely on the help of his girlfriends, which is ironic since most of the career moves he made in the drama were directly because of his girlfriends. 

Anyway, I could just go on about how much I didn’t enjoy this drama, and other people on youtube and mydramalist have ranted more eloquently about this. I usually don’t write drama reviews unless there’s something I’m deeply unhappy about. 

My recommendation? Don’t watch this. But if you’re curious, don’t be afraid to jump and skip scenes. There are no likable characters. Even Zhi Zhi doesn’t start to become likable until she decides to leave her husband. Is this a feminist drama? Yes to the extent that it normalizes women in their 30s who are single and career-driven (which is a pretty big deal in China where unmarried women over 25/27 are considered “leftover” women), but I’m just not sure whether the plot does justice to these women. The verdict is still out on that. Thoughts?

Oh and one final qualm that I have with this drama is the LSY and WZR never had a final face-to-face confrontation. After everything that WZR did to LSY, LSY never got to interrogate WZR. WZR could have even gave LSY some final parting words. Instead, CYM took LSY’s place and the drama made it seem that WZR was only answerable to him and no one else. There was just absolutely no closure from this messy, messy drama.

[earsofducks]

Day 6 - Titanic

Whoops, I wrote this in like 20 minutes before my last class. I love having no time management skills.

Warnings: Titanic stuff. Lack of knowledge about Titanic stuff on the part of the author. Coercion (Gabriel @ Aziraphale, because Gabriel is trash and does not deserve to be an angel). Major character discorporation. ANGST. 

@ineffablehusbandsweek

Aziraphale’s heart has sunk so low that she’s pretty sure it’s tangled in her stomach.

Her mood is a sharp contrast to everyone else boarding the ship, all of whom are deliriously happy. Excitement is tangible in the air. 

After all, who wouldn’t be excited to be boarding the great ocean liner Titanic? It’s big and bright and beautiful and, as they've all been informed, unsinkable.

Aziraphale, who is miserably handing over her ticket and is also, incidentally, an angel of the Lord, knows better.

She’d been rather charmed by all the talk of the ‘unsinkable’ ship, to be honest. The humans’ confidence in their handiwork is always endearing, in her opinion.

Heaven did not think so.

She’s been tasked with making sure the Titanic sinks mid-journey, and she feels ill every time she thinks about it. She resisted this assignment more than she’s ever resisted anything. But she had no allies in her fight, and the higher-ups won, as they always do, and she can’t help wondering if this really is what the Highest Up would want. Surely She wouldn’t be in favour of drowning all of her children?

Images of an ark and a unicorn and dismayed golden eyes flash in front of hers, and Aziraphale forces herself to focus on the present, in which a voice is shouting “Aziraphale!” 

She turns to find Crowley weaving his skillful way through the crowd towards her, looking absolutely delighted. 

“Hullo!” he says once he’s within earshot. “What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” Aziraphale asks instead, unwilling to answer the question.

“‘M only here for the ride,” says Crowley, beaming, clearly caught up in the thrill of it all. “Built all this themselves, angel, can you believe it? Humanity - best idea She ever had, don’t you think?”

“Yes, quite,” say Aziraphale, clutching her bag and praying she doesn’t lose her lunch. And they haven’t even put out to sea yet.

“Here, let me take that,” says Crowley, snatching it out of her grasp before she can properly protest. “You’re looking a bit peaky.”

“Oh, no,” says Aziraphale, “I’m feeling fine.”

“If you say so,” says Crowley cheerfully, “but I’m going to carry it anyway.”

He is very excited about this boat, thinks Aziraphale wretchedly, and wishes fervently that she weren’t so much of a coward, that Falling didn’t scare her as much as it does, that she’d fought Gabriel harder. 

Too late now.

*

Crowley shows her to her room, chattering about the ship and how big it is and what’s on it and who’s on it and Aziraphale grows more and more upset about what she has to do. 

She lets Crowley show her around the room, too, regaling her with information about the bunk, the mirror, the bathroom. She lets him lead her up to the deck, watches him close his eyes and inhale ocean air, watches him smile to himself as children scamper past them, laughing.

And the whole time she knows, she knows, that she’s going to be sinking this ship in a few days, and it makes her absolutely sick.

But it would make her sicker for Crowley to know what she’s going to do, so she forces a smile when he turns to look at her, grin stretching from ear to ear, eyes bright with excitement, and prays to be given the strength to do what she has to do.

*

Except she can’t do it. She can’t, she can’t, she can’t. She comes to this conclusion right around the time that she sees Crowley listening intently to a little girl who is telling him why the boat is floating. (It involves a lot of fairies and a few mermaids and is not very scientifically accurate but you’d never know from the serious ‘mmhmm’ and ‘really?' noises Crowley is making.) When the girl is finished explaining, he surreptitiously snaps his fingers and presents her with a mermaid doll which is sporting sparkly purple hair and a long orange tail. The bright colours and plush sturdiness of it are all are well before their time, and Aziraphale can’t stop herself from beaming at him as the girl runs off to show her new toy to her mother. 

“That was quite sweet,” she says.

Crowley promptly turns forty shades of red and sputters a lot of incoherent things that eventually turn into, “Shut up.” 

Aziraphale does, but keeps smiling at him, because she can’t help herself, and then feels guilty, because he’s a demon, and the whole time she knows with absolute certainty that she can’t do it. She cannot sink this ship and end all these lives.

She simply cannot.

*

But Gabriel can make her, and she learns this in the most horrible way possible. She is on the deck late one night, enjoying the fresh sea air and feeling like an awful angel, which is how she feels most of the time, these days, when there’s the unmistakable sound of someone threading themself through time and space. She turns to her left, smiling, fully expecting to see Crowley (he’s so silly, she thinks fondly, to insist on doing things the miraculous way when he could just use the stairs) but instead finding the cold violet eyes of the Archangel Gabriel. 

“Why is this ship still above water, Aziraphale?” he asks, voice dangerously level.

“Oh, Gabriel!” says Aziraphale, well aware that her attempt at surprise and innocence leaves a lot to be desired. “I was wondering if you’d - ”

“It’s been five days,” says Gabriel, voice still dangerous but not quite as level. 

“I realize that,” says Aziraphale, unable to keep the nervousness out of her voice, “but I’ve been - ”

“We told you not to wait,” says Gabriel. He’s losing his calm. “We told you that it was time sensitive. It has to happen - ”

“But why can’t we wait?” asks Aziraphale desperately, interrupting Gabriel for the first time possibly ever. “Why couldn’t we wait until it’s closer to shore and more - ”

“No!” says Gabriel, and he is in fact glaring at this point. “Aziraphale, we know you like the humans, but you cannot let your emotions get in the way of your tasks. Angels are not supposed to have emotions. Now do the job.”

“Couldn’t you do it for me?” says Aziraphale, aware that she’s pleading at this point and hating herself for letting it happen at all but she can’t, she can’t - 

“Aziraphale,” says Gabriel, and he’s in her personal space and she can’t seem to breathe and he’s too close and he’s angry - “Do it.”

And in a moment that Aziraphale will regret for the rest of her life, she does.

*

The effects aren’t awful immediately, because Aziraphale is a coward. There’s a shudder that seems to run through the whole of the ship, and then silence. Gabriel steps back, a satisfied expression on his face. He says “was that so hard?” and then he disappears. 

Crowley appears almost immediately after, and Aziraphale feels relieved, thinking, “that was a close thing,” and then absolutely horrible, because how can she care about being found out for fraternizing with a demon when she has just done a much more unforgivable thing? 

(Except that according to Gabriel {and Michael, and Uriel} it was supposed to happen and no forgiveness is necessary. Aziraphale does not understand.)

“What just happened?” he asks. There’s no hint of panic in his voice. He has no idea. He’s just curious.

“Oh,” says Aziraphale, and she feels as though she’s going to be violently sick any moment now, “I’m not sure.”

Crowley looks at her, really looks, because she’s never been able to lie to him. But he doesn’t realize what really happened, he can’t have, because he just looks concerned.

“What’s wrong, angel?” he demands. “Who frightened you?”

Aziraphale scoffs.

“Frightened,” she says. “Ridiculous. I’m an angel of the Lord, Crowley, I do not get frightened.”

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” says Crowley, who does not believe her. “Just - if something big were going down, you’d tell me, right?”

“Of course,” says Aziraphale, and when he wanders away, apparently satisfied with the answer, she starts crying.

*

It is one of the most horrendous nights of her life. 

She stays on board, trying to help where she can, trying to find quiet places to multiply lifeboats and failing. She gives hugs and distributes as much peace as she can and tries to keep the tears at bay. She tries not to think about Crowley.

And she succeeds, until they’re loading up one of the last lifeboats. He turns up at her side, hands in his pockets, a haunted look in his eyes. 

“So this is why you were here,” he says quietly. “It was the ‘unsinkable’ bit, wasn’t it? Heaven just couldn’t take that, could they?”

“Oh, Crowley,” she says, voice breaking, and somehow finds herself crying into his shoulder. His arms, wiry but strong, wrap themselves around her and she is held tight and feels safer than she ever has. (Which is silly, because she is on a sinking ship with a demon hanging onto her, but that’s the way it is.) “I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Shhh,” says Crowley, and his voice is raw, too. “‘Sn’t your fault.”

“But I - ”

“‘S those absolute wankers,” he says, voice going harsh and vicious and shocking her a little bit, “that made you do it.”

“I did the miracle, though, Crowley, I - ”

“Didn’t do it until you had to,” says Crowley, and his voice is soft but full of conviction. He pulls away, holds her at arms’ length, and she tries to pretend that she doesn’t very much miss the warmth of his torso and the snugness of his arms. “Not your fault, angel. It’s not your fault.”

“Well - thank you,” she whispers, feeling overwhelmed with grace she does not deserve. “That’s not - you don’t - I’m so sorry - ”

“I know,” says Crowley, looking past her to something on the deck. He’s quiet for a minute, and when he speaks again he sounds properly choked up. “Me, too.”

She turns to see what he’s looking at, and follows his line of sight to a purple-haired doll lying, abandoned, on the deck. 

“‘S how it goes, I guess,” says Crowley, letting go of her and taking a couple long strides to pick it up. “You’d think we’d be used to it by now.” He looks at the doll contemplatively for a moment and then turns to her. “Well,” he says, puffing his cheeks and blowing out air. “This is it, then.”

“Indeed,” says Aziraphale somberly. “I’m not meant to fly away, I don’t think.”

“I’m not meant to be on board,” says Crowley ruefully. “Still, ‘m glad I came. Worth it, I think.”

“You can’t mean to - there’s still space!” says Aziraphale, staring first at him and then at the - 

Last boat. The very last one.

“There is,” agrees Crowley, and he’s looking at her in a way she thinks she understands and knows she does not want to. “Just a little, though. Just for you.”

“No!” says Aziraphale, appalled at the thought. “No, not without you, Crowley! No!” 

“Give that to her if you see her, will you?” says Crowley roughly, thrusting the doll into her hands and taking her by the shoulders. 

She starts to struggle. 

“No!” she cries. “No, no!” 

But he’s relentless, and she’s used a lot of her strength tonight, and he guides her over to the last of the lifeboats. There is just barely space, and she tries to put up enough of a fight that someone else can get in, fill up the space, before she does. 

Crowley spins her around to face him and meets her eyes. She can feel her eyes are welling up with tears. 

“You’ve got to go,” he says firmly. “You can - help. You can help, without getting into tr - you can help. And you’ve never been discorporated, and believe me, angel, you don’t want to be. Now get in the bloody lifeboat.” 

And he sweeps her up and deposits her into it with a tenderness that she starts crying harder. 

“Please,” she says, so emotionally overwrought that she doesn’t care that she’s begging. “Please come with me. Please let me stay with you. Please, Crowley, please…”

“Bye, angel,” says Crowley, and kisses the back of her hand. “See you ‘round.” 

And then he lets go of her and backs up and sticks his hands back in his pockets and she and the other weeping people in the boat are lowered into the water.

She stares at the redheaded figure on the deck, who is watching the grim proceedings with very practiced, very forced casualness, and her vision blurs when he raises his hand to give a final, lackadaisical wave.

She watches, eyes blurring with tears, until he’s out of sight, and then she clutches the doll to herself for a moment, wipes her eyes, and sets about keeping everyone in the boat alive.

[executive-geneticist]

Anonymous asked: Could Archer ever forgive Giovanni?

{The short answer is, “maybe.”}

{The long answer is under the cut.}

-The surprising thing wasn’t that Giovanni had found him after all these years. Going by nothing more than his own personal experience, Archer was convinced that a man like Giovanni Sakaki could find anyone he wanted to with ease. Even without the long arm of Team Rocket at his disposal, the former Boss was a man of resources, of cunning, of means. Finding Archer the way he had– sitting in a dimly lit dive drowning his failures in a short, squat glass of amber liquid– must surely have come easy to him. So when a startlingly familiar gait waltzed its way up to Archer’s table and took an unspoken seat, it really hadn’t come as a surprise.

-If Giovanni had deigned to ask for an audience instead of simply showing up, that wouldn’t have been surprising either. The truth of the matter was this: Archer had been expecting the man for over six years now. After all, Archer had taken what scattered remains there were of Team Rocket and claimed them for his own. He’d half-expected to find a crow’s feather waiting from him on his desk one afternoon– a sign that his days were numbered for his treachery. When none came, he’d begun to wonder if his former employer would simply show up and try to reclaim what was his.

-This, of the lot of them, was the bloodiest possibility Archer had ever considered. He had no intention of giving Rocket’s leadership up to the man who’d betrayed and abandoned them. However, while he knew there were those who followed that line of thinking, he also knew there were many who waited with bated breath for their leader’s return. He knew the rift could only end in bloodshed and that was the last thing he wanted, regardless of how he felt about Giovanni’s actions.

-Archer had wondered, briefly, what he might have done if Giovanni had asked to see him. Whether he would laugh in the messenger’s face or send a reply only to refuse to actually show. In the years he’d given it thought, he’d come to the conclusion that yes, he would meet with the man, if only to throw a drink in his face, warn him never to show his cowardly face again, and leave in a stormy rush. So, really, the fact that these two men were sitting across from one another did not come as much of a surprise to Archer Apollo.

-What did surprise him was the complete and utter lack of animosity.

-He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t bitter. He had no intention of storming off in an indignant show of pride. He was just… tired. After losing everything, after failing once again, Archer had little room for his usual flashiness. Right now, at the end of everything, he only had enough left in him for the long-suffered sigh of resignation which left him as he lifted his head to address the man across from him.-

You’re here.

I am.

What do you want?

-Giovanni’s silence belied nothing of what the man was thinking and it was a trait Archer had found both admirable and infuriating.-

Don’t you remember. You called me.

-Archer made no effort to hide the wince that answered that reminder. It was true, of course. He had called for Giovanni. It had gone against everything he’d ever believed– indeed, it went against everything he’d ever wanted– but he’d made that call in Rocket’s eleventh hour, desperate for help when everything was crashing down around them. Now, with his resounding defeat still bitterly licking his heels, Archer realized he regretted none of it.-

So I did. I’m afraid you’re a little late, though. It’s already over.

Is it?

-Archer frowned, uncomfortable with where this line of questioning was going. Either he would have to detail every failure– and therefore relive every failure– or, and he wasn’t sure what was worse, Giovanni was going to suggest they try again. The mere thought of it only added to the exhaustion he felt, to the heavy weight which had settled on his shoulders the moment he’d laid eyes on that dark-haired trainer as they stepped into the observation floor of the Radio Tower. He didn’t know if he could stomach even hearing the suggestion right now, let alone consider it.-

It is. I ended it myself. It was the necessary thing to do.

So tell me. Do you know now why I did what I did?

-That stung and Archer couldn’t deny it. He thought about how it had felt to withdraw, to make a tactical retreat to try and salvage what little of Rocket was still holding together. He tried to imagine how it must have felt when Giovanni had done the same thing. He tried, really, to reconcile those two moments but the longer he thought about it, the more his face twisted in anger.-

What you did was cowardly and unforgivable. You turned tail and ran after you were beaten by a child and you did it all without consulting me, or anyone else for that matter. You fled from your people, your family, without so much as a word to anyone. I at least had the decency to prepare those in my employ for any eventuality. They knew the end would be decided by that battle and when I lost, they were the first to know what was happening. You simply vanished.

-There it was. The indignant, righteous anger he’d felt all these years. He sat up straighter, sure in his assessment. It burned in his gullet hotter than the alcohol and cleared his head, wiped the exhaustion from his brow which turned downward in the boiling heat of his rage. Every time I look at you I don’t understand, why you let the things you did get so out of hand. You’d have managed better if you’d had it planned…-

Archer. Please.

Don’t patronize me, Giovanni. You know damn well what you did and if you came here thinking you could apologize and everything would be the way it was–

I turned myself in, Archer.

-A stunned silence came over him and Archer simply stared, unable to form words for several moments.-

You what?

I turned myself in after our defeat in Silph Co. I realized that if we continued down that path, not only would I be taken but so would you and everyone else who was loyal to me. So, I turned myself in to the League and confessed everything. I’ll spare you the details, but I was given a choice: flee or the entirety of my organization would be turned over to Interpol.

I have… well, had sympathetic ties to the League and throughout Kanto and they were all that stood between me and the chopping block. I was told that if I left the country and swore never to return those in my employ would be given the chance to disappear so long as they stopped all Rocket-related activity. So, to save my family, to save you, I took the fall and disappeared.

-Again Archer found himself unable to speak. He took in what Giovanni had said, tried to process it, and struggled. Some part of him– some petulant, childish part of him– refused to believe it. These were nothing but empty words coming from a washed up old man who wanted desperately to save his own skin. But Archer knew, with every fiber of his being, that Giovanni was many things– many horrible, wonderful things– but a liar was not one of them.-

…I see.

-It was all he could muster, all he could divulge in that strange and unknowable moment. In all his time envisioning this exact moment, none of it had prepared him for this. Even when he’d entertained the possibility that there was some excusable explanation for what he’d done, Archer had still always been the indignant, self-righteous man condemning Giovanni for what he’d done and banishing him from his sight forevermore. But this? To actually hear such words from the man he’d once respected and served so many years ago? Now, when he had nothing left to lose? He simply didn’t know how to feel.-

You were right, Archer. All those times you warned me that we were going too far, that we were getting too loud. All of it. You tried to tell me and I didn’t listen. I let my ambitions get the better of me and because of it, we lost. That was my fault and that’s precisely why it had to be me who took the fall.

-That was the moment Archer was certain he was dreaming. He could accept the explanation was fact, he could accept that his losses were real, he could even accept that Giovanni had sought him out of his own accord to lay it all at his feet. But this? This apology, so very unlike and yet perfectly in character for a man like him, was where he drew the line. Perhaps he’d had too much to drink after all.-

It doesn’t matter, though, does it? What we did and why. It’s over. We both lost and we both ended up with nothing. Team Rocket is over. For good this time.

-An all too-familiar grin slid across the other man’s face and Archer felt his chest tighten. He knew that look and if it had come ten minutes ago, it’s likely Archer would have stood up and walked away without another word. He’d been tired, then, too tired to waste effort on this ghost who’d been haunting him since Kanto. But now? With the rush of sweet, burning alcohol still singing in his head and the air clearer between them than it had been in almost a decade? With the man sitting across from him emerging from the shadows like the dead in some gory horror film? Now he felt invigorated, like the weight of inevitability had been lifted from his shoulders.-

I’ll ask you again. Is it, Archer? Is it really over?

-Despite himself and all the selves that he’d imagined being in this very moment, Archer felt himself s m i l e to damn the devil.-

That depends. What did you have in mind?

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

WIP Wednesday - “Obedience”

So this week’s story, Obedience, is a little difficult to talk about. I already discussed on Saturday how it was inspired by just the sense of utter hopelessness that came upon me while researching German history between WWI and WWII which, shockingly, might be tied to why no one is reading it.

(I DO NOT BLAME ANYONE for that. I fully understand that “bleak depictions of the hopeless state of war and the ways in which the army attempts to destroy the sense of self” is not exactly the kind of thing people go to AO3 to read. This was kind of something I wrote for myself? But I’m glad a few people have also enjoyed it.)

One of my readers commented that the way Briathos berates Aziraphale in this story reminded them of how Crowley is with his plants, only worse.

(Literally could not get the “Grow Better” GIF to work why does Tumblr hate me??)

Anyway, while this wasn’t directly what inspired her (I hadn’t seen the connection before), it really comes from the same place.

@wanna-b-poet31 has written some great metas on the abuse Crowley and Aziraphale have suffered and the coping mechanisms they developed as a result. I’m going to specifically link to this one on Crowley’s harmful coping mechanisms, because of the mention of his yelling at his plants. Specifically, the way he uses his plants to relive his own rejection by Heaven, casting out any that are less than perfect with the same terrifying wrath that he probably felt directed at himself.

Seriously that one paragraph from the meta just made me feel so many things and I’m still feeling a lot of them, how do I process this??

It is through this scene - through the trembling fear of his plants - that we get a hint of the wrathful, violent side of Heaven. Yes, you see the three angels ganging up on Aziraphale in episode 5, and yes Sandalphon walks around like a mob enforcer, but honestly what we get onscreen is mostly just the slow, suffocating combination of emotional abuse and neglect. Through Crowley and his plants, we see the way just a tiny application of fear and threats can keep everyone else in line.

And that is something I wanted to develop a bit more through Sawdust of Words. At the moment it’s just rearing its head now and again across the timeline.

The first question, of course, was who to have delivering the threats. I wanted the scene to be mid-battle, and as I’ve stated before, I think the Archangels are too hands-off to ever be in the trenches dressing down one of their soldiers (or, technically, low-ranked officers in Aziraphale’s case). 

Side note: if Sandalphon is the “enforcer” I wonder if he is not, in fact, an Archangel (I don’t believe he’s identified as one in any major Angelology) but instead someone whose service during the War made him especially distinguished. If Gabriel is the CEO, Sandalphon is the ex-marine chief of security/personal bodyguard is what I’m getting at.

Anyway, that meant I needed to create a new character, someone who could be there to do the Archangels’ terrorizing for them. Briathos (who is listed in my source as “an angel who thwarts demons”) is one of MANY who serve this role (she’s really a mid-ranked officer herself), but definitely distinguishes herself by being VERY ENTHUSIASTIC in her threatening. She is a True Believer (TM) in somewhat of a different way than Aziraphale is - while he believes that the Ineffable Plan will come to Good in the end, despite the occasional Flood-genocide, she believes completely in the righteousness of everything Heaven does, in this case, killing a whole bunch of rebellious angels.

So now that I have a threaten-er, the next question is what is the threat? She obviously can’t threaten disobedient angels with Falling (as a concept, Falling doesn’t exist this early in the War...slight spoiler, but I’m thinking when all the rebellious angels were abruptly cast out of Heaven, it was just as much a shock to those fighting them...and in any case, that decision would be WAY over her paygrade).* So that brought me to my other idea: Forgiveness.

This is something I’ve hinted at before. I grew up very much involved in the Catholic Church, and one thing you’ll often hear people say is that the Church is VERY much obsessed with guilt and forgiveness - until relatively recently, you went to Confession EVERY WEEK and had a long discussion over everything you’d done wrong, you were made to feel every less-than-perfect thought was a sin, etc. You do not have to dig very deeply to find so many ways this concept has been abused in the last 2,000 years, on some massive scales. The idea that absolution from sin was something you could PURCHASE - even for sins you hadn’t committed yet - was one of the major causes of the Reformation, which got us all the Protestant Churches. The idea of Catholic Guilt is just, like, a really easy punchline for anyone who grew up Catholic, right?

To be honest, this wasn’t my experience AT ALL. My anxiety already leaves me feeling guilty enough all the time (every social interaction makes me berate myself as a moron; my short temper resulted in plenty of actions I regretted). To me, the idea of divine Forgiveness was a lifeline. As long as I kept trying, as long as I WANTED to be a better person, there was one Being who would always be willing to give me another chance, who wasn’t going to give up on me the way everyone else I knew would. That kept me going through a lot of really dark times. I have one distinct memory of going to Confession in high school and it was like the weight of everything I’d done up to that point in my life was taken off my shoulders and put aside, and I was able to go on without it burdening me anymore. The feeling was...indescribable.

So finding out about this dark other side to one of the most important parts of my religion was...well, the best I can say is it was really hard for me.

So it was pretty much inevitable that, writing a story about angels and demons, the concept of Forgiveness was going to come up. It hovers around the edges of “Early Days” in Aziraphale’s anxiety about his sword, Crowley brings it up directly in Chapter 4 - when talking about the behavior of the humans, the thing that made him think they HADN’T been completely corrupted was their ability to forgive each other, no matter what.

Of course it’s in the show itself; who could forget:

(Off the top of my head there are three major scenes involving Forgiveness, which maybe I should address in its own meta?)

So here’s my thoughts on Heavenly Forgiveness in a nutshell:

Heaven, and by extension the angels, are supposed to Forgive and Love freely and unconditionally. You may have noticed they, sort of, DON’T. The Rebellion and the War are a large part of what lead to these changes, Heaven becoming harsher and more authoritarian. One way this immediately manifested itself was in the idea of Forgiveness.

Once the Soon-To-Be-Demons Rebelled, well, they’re UNFORGIVABLE. Now all of a sudden, Forgiveness IS conditional. It can be withheld. It can be denied. If you screw up, it is now SOMEONE ELSE’S decision if you still have worth, if you can be redeemed. And the first thing the higher-ranked angels do is turn Forgiveness into a club they can use to beat the lower-ranked ones into whatever shape they need.

Reducing those like Aziraphale into quivering plants, terrified of the sound of the woodchipper and a now-empty flowerpot.

“Obedience” is here on AO3. If my edits are completed on schedule, the next story will go up Friday night/Saturday morning, and be less bleak.

*Yes, I suppose you can either interpret the casting out as what STARTED the War or what ENDED it; I’m going with the latter.

[miguel-manbemel]

Aspect & Fanfics Ep. 1: Virgil’s Revelation

This story is set after “Embarrassing Phases: The Nightmare instead of Christmas”, the last released episode as of writing, and ignores any subsequent episodes. It is written in a script format as if it was an episode of the series. It won’t be as good as anything Thomas and Joan would create, but I tried and I hope it’s enjoyable. This is also my first long writing of fiction in English language so please forgive any mistakes you may find in the text. This also happens to be my first post on Tumblr, so hi to anyyone reading. I hope I’m posting this right, with the right tags and all.

SYNOPSIS: All the Sides storm in the living room. They have just discovered that Virgil is a Dark Side and has been hiding it. When Virgil, offended and heartbroken at their accusations of being a spy and an enemy for them, leaves them with Deceit, it will be Thomas’ duty to find him, to try and make amends. To do that, though, he’ll have to follow him to the deepest corner of the Mind Palace, the Dark Realm, where all Dark Sides live, and it will be a dangerous journey.

WARNINGS: This contains angst, serious arguing and rejection between Sides, lots of crying both of sadness and emotion, some mild horror scenes, and a couple of bleeped potty words. All the characters from the series up to “Embarrasing Phases” appear, including Deceit.

EPISODE INDEX

[Thomas is standing with another guy, holding his hands with a bucolically loving look]

THOMAS: [loving voice, while the other guy looks at him emotional] We’ve been together for so many months. I think we’re ready for the next step in our relationship, so would you make me the happiest person on this world and… [suddenly chill voice] give me the password of your account on the PS Network, please? I couldn’t renew mine this month.

[The other guy gives him a dirty look and leaves the house]

THOMAS: [shocked] What did I say?

[Introduction sequence]

THOMAS: What is up, everybody? Man, last year was full of emotions of all kinds! I learned things about myself I didn’t see coming, like the existence of the Dark Sides, and I also met Deceit… It can have an impact discovering your own flaws and faults, but seeing them literally face to face like I did… It’s surely an experience...

ROMAN: [rising up, angry] This is unacceptable!

LOGAN: [rising up in the same mood] Agreed!

VIRGIL: [appearing anxious] Guys, please, let me explain!

PATTON: [rising up, worried] Please, kiddos! Don’t fight! Let’s talk like civilized people!

ROMAN: Patton, we are not people, [pointing at Virgil] and certainly he’s not!

THOMAS: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys! Everyone relax! Talk about an experience… What is going on here!?

ROMAN: Thomas, you wouldn’t believe what we have just discovered! We have a rat in this living room!

LOGAN: Roman, go to the point! If Thomas has an infestation of rodents in his house, [to Thomas] and that’s what you get for not taking the trash out, [back to Roman] he can deal with them later!

ROMAN: [sighs] Please, write that one down in one of your vocab cards and look for the meaning later…

THOMAS: Guys, I’m not following anything of this!

ROMAN: Virgil tricked us! He lied to us all this time!

THOMAS: Lied? About what? I don’t understand.

LOGAN: Guys, we’re only confusing Thomas. I think it will be better if we tell him in a chronological order.

THOMAS: Thank you, Logan!

ROMAN: I have a better idea. Let’s use a flashback. It will be better if he sees it with his own eyes.

[Roman snaps his fingers, and we see Patton’s room. Patton is there, playing with his glow-worm. Virgil appears.]

VIRGIL: [angry] Patton, I don’t think I can take much longer of you calling me ridiculous names!

PATTON: [startled] Oh! Um… Hi, Virgil… You scared me… What did you say…? …the names? Oh… I’m not doing it on purpose, kiddo! It just slips out!

VIRGIL: How convenient, right? Do you expect me to believe that you have so many mistakes in a day and they’re not on purpose? I know you’re a fool, but nobody can be such an idiot as you’re making seem you are! Listen carefully, Patton. I’m really fed up with you. If you call me kiddo, or angel or any other stupid thing one more time, consider our friendship over! Understand?

PATTON: But, kiddo… [covers his mouth]

VIRGIL: [gasps in anger] You… did… not…!

PATTON: I’m sorry, kiddo, I… oops!

VIRGIL: This is it! I’m done with you! Don’t you ever dare to speak to me again!

PATTON: Virgil, I’m sorry, I…

[Virgil sinks down out of Patton’s room. Later, Roman enters his room and finds Patton crying.]

ROMAN: Patton, what is going on!? The shouting could be heard from my own room!

PATTON: Roman, I’m such a fool. I really messed up this time. I…

ROMAN: [calming sweet voice] Okay, okay, calm down, and tell me all about it.

[Roman’s voice from present time is heard, while the image of Patton talking to Roman is fast forwarded]

ROMAN: Let’s skip this part as Patton is telling me everything again, shall we?

[Fast forwarding ends and Patton has finished telling Roman]

ROMAN: [angry] This is outrageous! How can Virgil dare being so utterly rude? Where did that come from in the first place?

PATTON: Roman, this is my fault. I know he doesn’t like being called like that, that it makes him feel uncomfortable, and I kept doing it, even if I didn’t notice.

ROMAN: Even so, he should take some lessons about patience, and I’m willing to give him some! The way he spoke to you isn’t nice!

PATTON: Seriously, I just prefer to let it go, Roman.

ROMAN: Okay, as you wish. But if you ever need a prince to rescue you, who you’re gonna call?

PATTON: [with a sad smile] Ghostbusters?

ROMAN: [chuckles a bit] Me, you silly bean, me. Okay, see you later, and cheer up, I’m sure everything will be all right soon.

PATTON: Bye, Roman. Thank you.

[Back to the present]

ROMAN: However, I was so angry and worried about Patton, that I couldn’t let it go so easily, so I decided to talk to Logan.

[New flashback, this time from a random room in the Mind Palace. Roman and Logan are talking.]

ROMAN: ...and that’s what Patton told me. It is unforgivable, isn’t it?

LOGAN: I don’t know, Roman, we shouldn’t judge until we heard both sides of the story, no pun intended. In a way, I understand Virgil. Patton can be… quite a nuisance, sometimes.

ROMAN: Even so, what matters is the intention, and I’m positive Virgil knows that Patton meant no harm at all. Virgil really overreacted on him. And then it’s me who they call a Drama Queen…

LOGAN: They who?

ROMAN: …Never mind. I think we should go to Virgil’s room to have a talk. We need to make this clear.

LOGAN: But Patton asked you not to. Do you think it’s okay if we interfere in their business? We might only make things worse.

ROMAN: I don’t think things can get any worse between them, Logan. Virgil has stopped talking to Patton. If this is not a good moment to talk to Virgil, when will it be?

LOGAN: Well, you know more about feelings than me, Roman. I hope you know what you’re doing.

[back to the present]

ROMAN: And so, we headed to Virgil’s room. But we hadn’t entered yet when we heard arguing. So, we stayed there, hiding.

THOMAS: Hiding?

LOGAN: Yes, it’s like staying in the hall of the room without completely entering but close enough to hear and see everything. Like when Patton tricked you saying he was a ghost, remember? He was there, able to hear and talk to you, but you couldn’t see him and he didn’t physically pop up until a second later. We stayed hidden like that seeing and hearing all that was happening, but no one there could see us.

THOMAS: I see. And what did exactly happen?

ROMAN: You wouldn’t believe it. You’ll better see it yourself in another flashback.

LOGAN: Wow, Roman, you surely love your flashbacks, right?

[Another flashback of Virgil’s room. Deceit is there, talking to him.]

VIRGIL: Listen, Deceit, I’m getting really tired of your meddling. I don’t want you crawling around me all the time. Why don’t you just leave me alone!

DECEIT: It’s pointless for you to keep lying to yourself, Virgil. You know you are who you are.

VIRGIL: Ha! It’s funny that the very embodiment of lies tells me to stop lying to myself. You don’t know me, Deceit. You think you do, but the Virgil you once knew is long gone.

DECEIT: You say that only to reinforce your own facade. You know at the very bottom of your soul that you’re still one of us.

VIRGIL: Stop it! I’m not one of you! Maybe I was, but not anymore! Now I have another place where to stay, and I love my new place!

DECEIT: A new place with who? These idiots? What do you think they’ll do if and when they find out the truth? Do you think they’re gonna understand that you lied to them?

VIRGIL: Shut up…

DECEIT: I’ll tell you what’s going to happen. They’re gonna reject you. Just as they rejected you in the first place. Because you’ll never be one of them, Virgil. You’re one of us. You are a Dark Side and nothing more. Accept it!

VIRGIL: [yelling] I SAID SHUT UP!

ROMAN: [slowly rising up, in shock] Virgil? What is he talking about…?

VIRGIL: [scared] Roman? How long have you been there?

LOGAN: [rising up] Long enough, Virgil, and so was I.

VIRGIL: Logan?

DECEIT: [evil laugh] Well, well, well.. If this isn’t getting really boring right now!

ROMAN: Are you… a Dark Side, Virgil?

DECEIT: Yes, Virgil, are you…?

ROMAN: You shut up, you poisonous snake, I’m talking to him.

VIRGIL: [after a short pause, cringing in despair] Yes…

[Roman and Logan look at Virgil with a mixed expression of shock and disappointment]

LOGAN: …so that’s why you treated Patton the way you did. He offended your Dark Side self, right?

VIRGIL: What? What are you talking about?

DECEIT: [sinking down] Well, I’m really glad to see this beautiful family gathering, but now I really mustn't go. See ya, Virgil!

ROMAN: [angry] You made Patton feel really bad. And now I see why. You’re not good enough for anything else, you Dark Side!

VIRGIL: Wait, I don’t understand! What are you talking about? What happened to Patton?

ROMAN: Don’t act as if you don’t know! You treated him like dirt and now he’s crying over you!

VIRGIL: I did not do anything like that! This must be some sort of mistake!

ROMAN: The mistake was us opening our hearts to you!

[Patton rises up.]

PATTON: Roman, I told you not to do anything! I wanted to talk things my own way!

ROMAN: Sorry, Patton, but I couldn’t let it go so easily. And I’m glad I didn’t. You wouldn’t believe what we’ve discovered!

VIRGIL: Patton, what is going on here?

PATTON: You told me you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore because of how many times I called you kiddo, or angel or other “ridiculous names” as you said.

VIRGIL: What? That’s not true! It’s true that I don’t like to be called like that, but I would never put that over our friendship! I know you don’t do it on purpose, and I still lo… like you as a friend! You’ve got to believe me! [angry] Oh, gosh, Deceit! I’m sure you’ve had something to do with this too. You had it all planned, right? Listen, Patton, I didn’t do anything, I give you my word!

ROMAN: The word of a Dark Side. Very funny… And stop diverting the conversation, Virgil, we’ll deal with Deceit later. This is about you. You deny that you told Patton all of that?

VIRGIL: Yes!

ROMAN: And you expect us to believe you after hiding for all this time that you are a Dark Side?

PATTON: What?

VIRGIL: Yes, Patton, I am a Dark Side. I’m sorry I hid it to you all. But I was afraid that you would hate me if you knew my origins!

LOGAN: Well, if you hadn’t done anything bad, you wouldn’t have anything to fear. So if you were afraid, then you did something bad. That’s logic at its finest.

PATTON: Guys, I think we should all calm down…

ROMAN: I’ve got a better idea. Let’s all go tell Thomas. He has all the right to know what you did with Patton and what you are.

LOGAN: Yes, let’s go to Thomas’ apartment. The sooner we’re over with this, the better!

ROMAN: Off we go to Thomas’ living room. Now!

[They all sink down. Then they appear in Thomas’ apartment.]

ROMAN: [rising up, angry] This is unacceptable!

LOGAN: [rising up in the same mood] Agreed!

VIRGIL: [appearing anxious] Guys, please, let me explain!

PATTON: [rising up, worried] Please, kiddos! Don’t fight! Let’s talk like civilized people!

ROMAN: Patton, we are not people, [pointing at Virgil] and certainly he’s not!

[Sound of a vinyl record stopping and the image freezes. Thomas’ voice is heard.]

THOMAS: Okay, Roman, I’ve already seen this just now, you can stop the flashback.

ROMAN: [voice] You’re right, sorry.

[Back to the present]

ROMAN: And so, here we are. What do you think, Thomas?

THOMAS: I don’t know, Roman. There’s a lot to assimilate… Virgil, why did you tell that to Patton?

VIRGIL: I didn’t tell anything to Patton! I swear! It was Deceit!

ROMAN: Oh, come on, you honestly don’t expect us to believe you at this point, right? I mean, Deceit is capable of that, but how convenient for you to bring that story up when you’ve been caught.

LOGAN: Objectively, chances that you’re not telling the truth are too high right now, Virgil.

VIRGIL: I’m telling the truth! Why can’t you believe me?

LOGAN: Well, put yourself in our place and be me, I mean… be logical. It is really hard to believe you after what you’ve hidden from us, especially being of your condition.

VIRGIL: Oh, I see! So now that you know that I’m a Dark Side, I’m not trustworthy, right?

ROMAN: You cheated on us! You made us believe you had Thomas’ best interests in your mind, and you only wanted to infiltrate among us! Of course you’re not trustworthy! You are our enemy!

VIRGIL: [shocked] I’m what?

PATTON: Guys, uh…

VIRGIL: [mixed voice of anger and contained sobbing] Is that what you really think? Is that what you all really think of me? All the months we’ve been together and everything we’ve gone through together means nothing because I’m a Dark Side, and that makes me an “enemy”?

PATTON: Guys, please…

LOGAN: Patton, stay out of this and leave this to us, you’re too attached to him, you cannot be objective in this.

THOMAS: Please, guys, can’t we just talk calmly…?

VIRGIL: [yelling in tears] GO AHEAD AND SAY IT AGAIN!

ROMAN: I’m sorry, but it will be best if you leave right now and never come back.

THOMAS: What?

[Virgil stares at Roman, then at Logan. Black tears from his eye-shadow run down his cheeks.]

VIRGIL: Fine. If you really see me as an enemy…

[Suddenly a dark cloud covers his whole body]

VIRGIL: [yelling from inside the cloud, with his demonic voice] YOU’LL SEE WHAT AN ENEMY I CAN BE!

[The cloud dissolves. Virgil is wearing again his old dark hoodie. He has the old light eye-shadow under one eye, but his face is different. Now it has half of it with the shape of a black panther, with what looks like black fur. Cat whiskers come out of his nose only from that half, and that half of his nose has a feline shape while the other half is human. His eye on that half is bright yellow with a slit pupil. We cant’ see his ears as he’s now wearing his hoodie, but it is supposed that he has a panther ear in that half. Roman, Logan, Patton and Thomas look at Virgil, too stunned to say a word. Virgil roars at them with a real panther sound, and they step back, scared, Roman pulls out his samurai sword. Thunder and lightning is heard and seen around him.]

VIRGIL: [evil voice] You wanted the truth, right? Purrrfect! This is the truth! I am the Dark Side of Anxiety and Fear! This is my real form! You wanted to see Fear as an enemy, right? Then [yelling] FEAR ME!

[Virgil hisses at them.]

PATTON: [Yelling in tears, his voice cracks] Stop!

[Virgil looks at Patton, sees him cry and shows a face of shock.]

PATTON: This is not right, Virgil! This not right, you guys! Please stop! [distressed crying] Everyone stop! [covers his face whining like a scared child] Everyone stop!

[Virgil gets stunned watching Patton cry. The others look at Patton, then at Virgil. Thomas looks at them all, unable to speak.]

VIRGIL: [sad, regretful voice] I knew it. I knew this happiness couldn’t last forever. Deceit was right all the time. This is not my place. It has never been my place. I shall return to the Dark Realm, with my people.

[Deceit suddenly appears next to Virgil with a devious smile]

DECEIT: [dangerously sweet voice] It’s a wise decision, Virgil. You’re too good for them and they don’t deserve you. We’ll welcome you with open arms as if no time had passed. Let’s go, my dear old friend.

VIRGIL: Good-bye, Thomas. And don’t worry. I shall not return to being too harsh when doing my job. It was never my intention to hurt you. Despite what they [looking at Logan and Roman] think, I’ve always meant to protect you. I told you that once before, and that was always true.

THOMAS: Wait, so are you with us or against us?

VIRGIL: [sighs with a sad look] If you need to ask that question, Thomas, you’ve never really known me.

PATTON: [sad] Virgil… Please, don’t leave… There has to be another way…

VIRGIL: It’s for the best, Patton. I’m so sorry I scared you. You’re the last one in this world I would have wanted to hurt. You have always been good to me when nobody else was, and I still cherish our friendship. I will always remember you and consider you my best friend. I hope that never changes on your part.

PATTON: [stuttering] I… I…

VIRGIL: Farewell…

[Virgil and Deceit sink down. Virgil with a face of huge sadness, Deceit with an evil smile of triumph. After they’re gone, the thunderstorm fades away and the lights go back to normal.]

THOMAS: [after a moment of silence] What… has just happened here?

PATTON: [sad voice] He’s gone… He’s gone for good.

LOGAN: It’s for the best, Patton. He’s not one of us. It’s best if he stays with his kind.

ROMAN: You’ll understand someday, Patton…

PATTON: [low sad voice] It’s all your fault.

ROMAN: What?

PATTON: [yelling loudly] IT’S ALL YOUR F… [bleep] ...NG FAULT!

THOMAS: Patton!

PATTON: [yelling] What do you mean he’s not one of us!? He is Virgil, our Virgil! He’s been one of us for f… [bleep] ...ng three years! He loved us! He was our friend! To me, he was my son, or at least I considered him as such! And now, just because you’ve discovered he’s of a certain condition he did not choose, you treat him like he was trash? Well, I am Morality! I may not be the smartest like you, Logan, or the most creative like you, Roman, but if there’s one thing I know about is to distinguish between right and wrong! And this was wrong!

[There’s a silence in the living room. Roman and Logan look at the now empty stairs where Virgil used to stand.]

PATTON: [back to a low sad voice] But now, it doesn’t matter anymore…

THOMAS: What do you mean?

PATTON: He’s unleashed all his Dark Side. Now we can’t see him again.

THOMAS: Why not?

LOGAN: He’s certainly going to retreat to the darkest corners of your mind.

THOMAS: You mean his room? But we’ve already gone into his room once and got him back. We can go back just as easily as before, cannot we?

ROMAN: No, it’s not his room, Thomas, at least not as we knew it.

LOGAN: The place where he’s retreated is called the Dark Realm. It is the most repressed zone of your subconscious. The part of your mind where all the Dark Sides live. Only the most heightened of the Dark Sides can get out of there and live in your conscious mind, the Light Realm, where we have our rooms. As your anxiety was so heightened all the time, Virgil was strong enough to have a room in the Light Realm, and that’s where we went the first time.

THOMAS: But Deceit was able to appear before us. How is that possible? I know that I’m a habitual worrier, but I’m not exactly a compulsive liar, you know?

LOGAN: Sometimes, when you are on certain extreme situations or in desperation for some reason, some Dark Sides can be set free and get out of the Dark Realm. When you got so anxious over what happened with your friend Joan, the deceitful part that you had repressed for so long got strong enough to get out of the Dark Realm. And once out, a Dark Side can get in and out at will.

THOMAS: What I don’t understand is, I’m ashamed to admit it, but I’ve always had those random impulses to lie and many times I have lied to myself, and certainly you’ve always been under Deceit’s influence, remember he wouldn’t let you tell me about the Dark Sides. How is that possible if he’s just come out of the Dark Realm?

LOGAN: Thomas, having them repressed in your mind does not mean they still don’t hold power over you or us. It just means they’re not strong enough to have a physical presence, but they’re part of you. Of course they’ve always had and always will have power over you, even if you can’t sense them. That’s why they call it the subconscious, Thomas, because you’re not conscious they’re there, even though they are.

THOMAS: Okay, I got it. Then Virgil is in the Dark Realm. And we can’t get there? Why not?

LOGAN: Virgil’s room was in the Light Side, but inhabited by a Dark Side.

ROMAN: And you remember what that room did with us when we stayed for too long, don’t you?

PATTON: If we tried to enter the Dark Realm, which is full of Dark energy, we would probably get so corrupted that we’d be destroyed on the very first moment we’d set a foot there.

THOMAS: But the room had no effect on me. Wouldn’t that be the same with the Dark Realm? Couldn’t I try to get in there safely and get him back?

LOGAN: Yes, you could, but getting there wouldn’t be as easy for you either.

THOMAS: Why?

ROMAN: You know that to get into Anxiety's room, you had to focus on the things that normally made you anxious, remember?

THOMAS: Yes.

LOGAN: Now, to get to Virgil’s Dark Room, you’d have to dive even deeper inside your biggest fears, to reach the place where Virgil stands now. You’d have to reach a state of horror so strong that it would take a really strong mind to cope with it.

ROMAN: Even if you got there, that must be a horrifying place. Think about a haunted house multiplied by several millions. There is no bigger fear than the fear to the unknown, and that whole place is unknown to you and to us. Your whole mind could break if you try and fail. It’s too big of a risk.

PATTON: The only totally safe way would be if he returned on is own will. If there was a way to make him come back, we could try to convince him to stay. But I don’t think he’ll ever want to come back after how he’s been treated.

ROMAN: What have we done…

LOGAN: What is this strange thing I sense, right between my heart and my stomach? It’s like a pressure. It hurts, but it doesn’t at the same time, and it’s really unpleasant. I don’t know how to describe it. It lacks any logic. I… I don’t understand…

PATTON: Logan, that’s a feeling. It’s called guilt.

LOGAN: [shocked] What? But I’m Logic. I have no feelings! It’s impossible that I have feelings!

PATTON: Is it?

[Logan looks at Patton in silence.]

PATTON: Look into yourself and see if you can tell me with conviction that you don’t have any feelings at all.

[Logan shows a stunned face. Then a single tear falls rolling down his cheek.]

PATTON: You’ve been suppressing your feelings for so long that you ended up honestly believing you didn’t have them. But you have them, kiddo. And that’s not only okay. It’s a blessing and it’s how it’s meant to be. Intelligence and knowledge without feelings are a too dangerous combination. If the mind is not connected with feelings, that would make us psychopaths.

THOMAS: I must try to reach to Virgil. Isn’t there any way we can contact him? Even if we cannot physically go to his Dark Room.

ROMAN: It is possible, Thomas. We can create a room of your own in the Mind Palace, in the safety of the Light Realm, from which you could try to reach to him. All the Sides, Light or Dark, can sense all the rooms in the Mind Palace, as they’re all connected, and the Dark Realm is part of the Mind Palace too. The problem is…

THOMAS: The problem is what?

ROMAN: The problem is Virgil was so angry. He’ll definitely be able to hear you, but I doubt he’ll want to talk to you, and much less put in an appearance.

THOMAS: But you say that he’ll be able to hear me, right?

ROMAN: Right.

THOMAS: That’s all I need. If he doesn’t want to speak to me, then he’ll have to listen. And I know I’ll get to his heart.

PATTON: I hope this works. I don’t want to lose Virgil, and I’m sorry I shouted at you earlier, guys, I love you too and I wouldn’t want to lose you either.

ROMAN: It’s okay, Patton. You were completely right, and you had all the right to be upset. Didn’t he, Logan?

[Logan doesn’t say a word. He didn’t even clean the tear from his cheek yet.]

PATTON: Logan? Are you okay?

LOGAN: [stuttering] I… I… I gotta go, sorry…

[Logan sinks down.]

PATTON: [worried] Logan?

THOMAS: Give him some time, Patton. I think he’s too overwhelmed by the fact that he’s discovered he really has feelings. He needs time to process it.

PATTON: Okay… If you say so, Thomas.

THOMAS: Now, the important thing is reaching to Virgil. So… How do I do this?

ROMAN: Remember when you went into your mind to get recruitments to deal with Virgil and you ended up in a representation of Lilly Singh’s room?

THOMAS: Yeah… Good times…

ROMAN: Well, this is something similar. You just close your eyes, concentrate and dive into your own mind. Imagine a room of your choice, and you’ll appear there.

THOMAS: Won’t you guys come with me?

PATTON: We’ll be coming with you, Thomas. We are in you, remember?

ROMAN: It will be better if he doesn’t see us. It will be easier if you speak to him on your own. But if you really need us, just call and we’ll appear.

THOMAS: All right, here we go. Wish me luck…

ROMAN: [sinking down] Good luck, Thomas.

PATTON: [sinking down] Please, bring him back.

THOMAS: I’ll do my best, guys. Okay, let’s go…

[Thomas closes his eyes and puts his fingers on his temples. After a couple of seconds, he sinks down. Later, he rises up in a white infinity. Thomas opens his eyes and looks around him.]

THOMAS: [his voice has some echo] Whoa… I guess it worked, I think... This place looks familiar… Oh, I remember, it’s like that place that Roman created when he and Patton tried to make a new place for us and Roman blanked… Who could forget that echo… I don’t think Virgil would want to come here, it hurt his eyes back then… Let’s see… If this is in my mind, then I am in control of it, and I can shape it as I please. First, let’s get rid of that echo… [snaps his fingers and the echo disappears] Done. I should have tried this in the first place back when we tried our brief Mind Palace. Next… we need to give some shape to this, to hide this excess of light so that it can be bearable for Virgil… Okay, I am in a hurry, so I won’t overthink it. I’ll give it the shape of my own living room. Like… this!

[Snaps his fingers and his apartment appears around him, except that it’s surrounded by a faint white mist.]

THOMAS: Cool. It almost looks like the real one... except that I do not have that Tony trophy on the shelving, I wish. [dreamy voice] But maybe one day… [clears throat] Okay, Thomas, focus, the time has come. [yelling] Virgil! Virgil, are you there!? It’s me, Thomas! I need to talk to you! Please, answer me! Virgil!

[There’s no response]

THOMAS: Virgil! I know you can hear me! I also know that it’s dangerous for me to try to get to where you are! So, please, don’t force me to do that! I just want to talk to you!

[Virgil appears in his spot by the stairs, with the same panther-like shape he had when he left]

VIRGIL: [cold voice] What are you doing here?

THOMAS: [relieved] Virgil! Thank God you’ve come! Listen, I need to talk to you.

VIRGIL: [cold voice] That I already know, it’s like the third time you’ve said it. Will you just come to the point and say what you need to say?

THOMAS: Virgil, I know you’re angry, and you have all the right to be. The way Roman and Logan treated you was not right.

VIRGIL: Wow, talk about an understatement.

THOMAS: But they are really sorry, Virgil. They’ve understood that they were wrong, and they want you back.

VIRGIL: It is too late for that, Thomas.

THOMAS: Come on, Virgil…

VIRGIL: It’s too late! Do you think saying sorry can erase the way they made me feel?

THOMAS: But, Virgil, they’re your friends! Surely you can make everything up!

VIRGIL: Look, if it makes them feel better, tell them that I forgive them. But don’t ask me to come back. I finally understood that that is no longer my place and it never can be. Dark Sides and Light Sides must not be mixed up together. It’s not… natural.

THOMAS: What do you mean, it’s not natural?

VIRGIL: We, Dark Sides, belong to the Dark Realm, and they, Light Sides, belong to the Light Realm. It has always been like this and it must remain as such. Now you must go.

THOMAS: But Virgil…

[A thunderstorm fills the apartment]

VIRGIL: [yelling with his demonic voice] I SAID GO!

[Thomas falls back. There’s a white flash. Then he gets up. The storm and the white mist are gone and the living room is tranquil.]

THOMAS: Whoa… It looks I’m back at my own real apartment…

[Patton rises up]

PATTON: [sad] As I feared… A total failure…

THOMAS: I’m sorry, Patton. He didn’t want to listen.

ROMAN: [rising up, sad] I guess there’s nothing we can do, then… We’ll have to respect his choice.

PATTON: But I’m gonna miss him so bad…

[Logan rises up.]

THOMAS: Oh, Logan, you’re back. Are you okay?

LOGAN: I think so… What happened? Why is everyone so… [pulls out a vocab card] out of it.

THOMAS: You don’t know?

LOGAN: I don’t know anything, Thomas, I was isolated in my room, in autopilot.

THOMAS: Autopilot? That’s new…

LOGAN: No, it isn’t. We’ve had autopilot available ever since you were born, Thomas.

THOMAS: I mean… Never mind. What is autopilot?

LOGAN: It’s a stand-by mode all Sides have. We enter in that mode when, for some reason, we cannot or don’t want to actively participate in your life but you still need our abilities to do something. You can do anything you want, but we don’t notice about anything because we’re in our rooms… [showing a vocab card] minding our business. In my case, you can use my logic and knowledge abilities without me consciously having to infuse you with them. I needed some time for myself to think, that’s why I entered autopilot mode.

THOMAS: I see… Well, I’ll bring you up-to-date. I was in the Mind Palace and I talked to Virgil.

LOGAN: You did?

THOMAS: Yes, and he didn’t want to come back.

LOGAN: Are you sure you did?

THOMAS: What do you mean? Of course I did.

LOGAN: Let me check your memory, Thomas, I’ll rewind to see what happened and I’ll give you my opinion.

THOMAS: What? O...kay… Will it hurt?

LOGAN: No, it won’t, Thomas. At least not to you…

THOMAS: What?

[Logan ignores Thomas as he goes stiff, looking to the front as if he was a statue. Computer sounds mixed with the sound of a traditional old tape rewinding are heard emanating from him. After a moment, the sounds disappear and he moves again]

LOGAN: As I suspected…

THOMAS: What?

LOGAN: Thomas, you didn’t talk to Virgil. The one who appeared in front of you wasn’t him.

THOMAS: Then, who was it?

LOGAN: Don’t you guess?

[After a small pause, Roman, Patton and Thomas all gasp and show the same face of realization.]

THOMAS, PATTON, ROMAN: [at the same time] Deceit!

LOGAN: [pulling out another vocab card] Bingo! Wow, I’m on a roll with the vocabulary cards today…

ROMAN: [angry] That old viper! I should have known he’d try to stop us from getting to Virgil. Now I’m positive Virgil was saying the truth when he said it was Deceit who told Patton all these things. And I’m feeling so bad right now. If only we had believed him…

PATTON: [scared] What are we going to do?

THOMAS: [sighs] I guess I have no choice, then. I must try to get to Virgil’s Dark Room.

PATTON: [even more scared] Thomas, no, that’s too dangerous!

THOMAS: It’s our only chance, Patton. There’s no guarantee that Virgil will listen to me if I call him from the Light Realm. Deceit will probably be blocking the communications and he’ll do anything to stop us. I have to get to the real Virgil in person, or we’ll never see him again.

LOGAN: Then, I’ll go with you.

THOMAS: Logan, don’t! You could be destroyed!

LOGAN: So could your mind, Thomas, and if it is, we’re all gonna be destroyed anyway. Don’t you remember we are in you? Whatever happens to you will happen to us. We’re together in this, for the better or the worse, as in everything else.

THOMAS: I hadn’t thought about that…

PATTON: Then I’m coming too!

ROMAN: And me too!

THOMAS: Guys…

LOGAN: It’s settled. To avoid corruption, we’ll be inside your mind. We’ll try to give you the highest strength we can from within you so you can get across the gate to the Dark Realm. Be careful when you’re on your way. It won’t be easy, Thomas, but if we work as a team, you’ll have more chances of success.

ROMAN: Remember, you must focus on the biggest horror in your mind, but don’t be afraid, Sora. You’ll have my strength and self confidence that will make you capable of standing up and overcoming it.

PATTON: If you manage to overcome your biggest horror, the door to the Dark Realm will be open to you. You have all our support, kiddo. Use my ability of distinguising between right and wrong so that you can make your way to get to Virgil.

LOGAN: Also, use all my logic and knowledge to make wise choices while you’re on your way. Remember, Deceit will be blocking you, and he’ll certainly try to stop you again.

THOMAS: How will I tell the difference between Deceit and the real Virgil? I couldn’t distinguish them at all the first time.

LOGAN: I wasn’t there to help you then, my bad. But, [pointing at himself] if you use your mind, [pointing at Patton] your heart, [pointing at Roman] and your inner strength… you’ll be able to break Deceit’s illusions. Trust in yourself just as we trust in you.

THOMAS: Okay, guys. I’ll do my best, again…

[Thomas sighs while the Sides sink down]

THOMAS: Okay, the biggest horror in my mind... How do I do this…? What even is the biggest horror in my mind…? Oh… I think I know. There’s one thing I fear most among the others. The biggest fear in my life. It’s not to be rejected, even though that’s a huge fear of mine as well. It is… that something happens to my loved ones. It is losing someone among my family or friends for good because something bad would happen to them. My gosh… that really makes me shiver. I don’t want anything happening to my people…

[As he is saying this, the camera zooms slowly to his face, until his eyes fill the whole screen. Then, he looks around and the camera quickly zooms out. He’s in a place of pitch black darkness where only he is visible, in an unnatural lightning as if he was cropped in a black background.]

THOMAS: Where am I? What is this place? Oh, I really feel so bad. I’m… I’m frightened…

[A loud scream of pain from a woman’s voice is heard in the distance. Thomas yelps, looking around himself for the source of the scream.]

THOMAS: [distressed] I… I recognize that voice… Talyn? Is that you?

TALYN: [in the distance] Thomas! Help me!

THOMAS: Talyn! Where are you?

TALYN: [voice of pain] I can’t bare it anymore! It hurts! Make it stop! Please, help me, Thomas!

THOMAS: [making a gesture to start running] Hold on! I’m com… [stops] Wait a minute… My friend, the real Talyn is probably safe at their home playing with her cats. This cannot be real. This is an illusion!

[Another scream from Talyn is heard. Screams of agony from Joan, Camden, Valerie and Jamahl join theirs, and all their screams sound around him in a loud cacophony.]

THOMAS: [covering his ears, with trembling voice] All right, it really looks real, but I know it isn’t. I have to stay focused. I can't pay attention to these distractions. I must conquer my fears to get to Virgil. So… [yelling] SHUUUT UUUUUUP!

[The screams stop and there is silence]

THOMAS: [sighs in relief] That’s more like it. I think I did it. I conquered my fear and crossed to the Dark Realm. But I can’t see anything. This place lives up to its name, for sure. Let’s see… This Dark Realm is still a part of the Mind Palace. Therefore, it’s a part of me. And as Virgil himself said, I’m the boss. Therefore, I must be able to manipulate it as easily as I manipulated the white void. So I’ll start by doing that. Room, appear before me. Now!

[Thomas snaps his fingers. The apartment appears around him, but a dark mist surrounds everything]

THOMAS: Yes! All I needed was a little logic. Thank you, Logan.

[Virgil appears again, in his spot.]

VIRGIL: [angry] I told you to leave me alone, Thomas! Can’t you just respect that simple wish from me!? And you dare call yourself a friend of mine? You’re the worst kind of friend anyone could have! Go away!

THOMAS: Enough of your tricks, Deceit. You won’t fool me this time.

VIRGIL: [shocked] What!? What are you talking about!?

THOMAS: Come on, Deceit. Your act is over. Do you really think I could confuse you with the real Virgil twice? You don’t have what it takes. You’re not even fit to tie his shoelaces!

[Virgil groans. Then, he transforms into Deceit.]

DECEIT: How did you know, Thomas?

THOMAS: Simple. If there’s one thing Virgil knows about is worrying. He would have shown anxiousness upon seeing me here, knowing the huge risk I’m taking, and you only showed coldness and anger. You don’t care at all about me. That’s why I caught you with the cookie jar.

DECEIT: [sarcastic] Well, this is perfect. I’m so glad that you are here ruining everything as usual.

THOMAS: [ignoring him, looking upwards] All right, Virgil! This time I know for certain you can hear me, so come here, please! I beg you! We all beg you!

[Virgil appears. Upon appearing he violently pushes Deceit, who flies and loudly falls to the floor on Roman’s usual spot. Later we see him getting up covering his slit eye in pain.]

VIRGIL: [worried] Thomas! What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here! It’s dangerous!

THOMAS: [smiling, happy] Virgil! Now I’m positive it’s you! [determined] I’m not going, Virgil. I’ve walked a long way to get here, and this time you’re gonna listen.

VIRGIL: [anxious] Please, say what you want to say and go quickly. If anything happened to you, I wouldn’t forgive myself!

THOMAS: Virgil, please, I want you to come back with me. We all want you to come back.

VIRGIL: That’s sweet of you. But it’s better if I’m staying here. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone of you. Here, I am with my real people.

DECEIT: [dangerously sweet voice, with a dash of anxiousness] That’s right, Virgil. This is your place and we’ll never let you down, like they did. You’ll be happier here with us, and they’ll be happier there without you…

THOMAS: [angry] Okay, Deceit, I’m really fed up of your insidiousness, [pointing at him] so shut the heck up!

[Deceit covers his mouth with his hand. He tries to take his hand off but cannot.]

THOMAS: Done! [to Virgil] Listen. Roman and Logan are really sorry for what they said. They really want to make up with you. Are you going to deny them that chance? Besides, Patton is really broken. He really loves you and doesn’t want to lose you. And I’m sure you don’t want to lose him either. Please, come with me. At least for a talk. If after that talk you still want to leave, we’ll accept it. Have we got a deal?

[Virgil thinks for a moment. He looks at Deceit, who looks at him with a worried face, still covering his mouth, waving anxiously his head saying no. Then Virgil looks at Thomas.]

THOMAS: [with a cute voice and putting a face like the cat from Shrek] Pleeeaaaseeee?

VIRGIL: [sighs] Okay… Just for a talk. And only because every second you spend here is dangerous. We’ll have that talk, you’ll say what you want, I’ll say what I want, and then we’ll part ways. Okay?

THOMAS: [happy] Yes! Thank you!

VIRGIL: Let’s go. Remember…

THOMAS: Yes, I remember from the last time. Breath in for four seconds, hold on for seven seconds and breath out for eight seconds. I got it.

VIRGIL: Okay…

[Thomas does this, and he and Virgil sink down. One last image of Deceit groaning with eyes of anger, still covering his mouth, is seen before the screen fades to black. Then Thomas and Virgil appear in the regular apartment.]

VIRGIL: Okay. We’re safe now. Everyone can get out.

THOMAS: [sighs in relief] I really feel so much better now…

[Patton is the first to rise up.]

PATTON: [wide smile of joy] Virgil! I’m so glad that you’re back!

VIRGIL: [smirking] So glad that my back is what? Finish your sentences, Patton…

[Patton chuckles. Then Roman and Logan rise up too. They show a shy remorseful attitude.]

VIRGIL: [sighs, then with a little cold voice] Hello, guys.

ROMAN: Virgil, uh… I’m really sorry. You didn’t deserve any of the words that I said. I was a big mouthed fool… as usual.

LOGAN: I do apologize too, Virgil. I didn’t take into consideration your feelings and I got carried away with cold data. And that doesn’t define who we are. Certainly not who you are. Now I know first hand and I’m really sorry.

ROMAN: Could you please forgive our rudeness?

LOGAN: Can’t we remedy the situation somehow?

[Virgil looks at them both.]

VIRGIL: You both really hurt me this time. You made me feel worse than anyone has ever made me feel before. Because bad remarks coming from nobodies mean nothing to me, but if they come from the people I lo… like, they hurt. They hurt as if you had beaten me with real sticks and stones. I hope you understand.

ROMAN: If we could turn back time, I’d really erase that. It’s something I’ll always regret. Because I forgot that above all else, and above our origins, we are true friends. And hurting a friend is wrong. [looking at Patton] You’ve always known that, Patton, right?

PATTON: [smiling] Yes, it is wrong, and I’m so proud of you for understanding, of all of you, kiddos.

[Virgil, however, is shocked, looking at Logan.]

VIRGIL: Logan… are you… crying?

[They all look at Logan. His face is covered with tears.]

LOGAN: [sobbing a bit] Am I? Yes, I guess so. I guess I got emotional and felt guilty over what you’ve just said. Wow… this is something I’ll have to get used to… this feeling thing…

THOMAS: It’s okay, Logan. There’s nothing wrong with crying if you really need to.

VIRGIL: [confused] Wait a second, did I miss something? Logan, experiencing feelings?

PATTON: Yes, kiddo. And it’s taken your absence for him to realize that he can have feelings. I guess you’re a panther that inspires… felines…

LOGAN: [groaning while cleaning his nose with a handkerchief] Gosh, you had to ruin it… Listen, Virgil. I too am really sorry for how we treated you. You didn’t deserve it. You’ve been a really huge support for Thomas and for all of us for a long time now, and it would hurt us… it would hurt me… to lose you. Because… [pause] I love you. Yes, I love you. We all love you, and even if you’ll never want to use that word in public, I’m certain that you love us too. Please, isn’t there any remote possibility that we could do as if nothing had happened and you remained visiting us? Even in your new feline form if you like it better. You look great, by the way.

PATTON: I was going to point that out! I love cats!

VIRGIL: I’m not a cat, I’m a panther.

PATTON: Right, maybe that’s why I’m not sneezing! You look really great Virgil!

ROMAN: That’s certainly quite a more beautiful form than the snake boi’s one. Ferocious, but at the same time gracious. It’s a great form, Virgil!

[Virgil smiles emotional, looks at his friends and a loud purr sound his heard coming from him]

THOMAS: Virgil, are you… purring?

VIRGIL: [gets startled and stops purring] Sorry!

THOMAS: No, no, it’s okay! If you like to purr, feel free to purr. As long as it doesn’t hurt you or others, everyone must be able to express themselves as they really are! Besides, purring is such a pleasant sound… And ironically, coming from you, my anxiety, it’s very relaxing.

VIRGIL: [smiling again, he sighs] You guys… You’ll never stop surprising me. You did it again. Twice I decided to duck out…

PATTON: Quack!

VIRGIL: And twice you came after me asking me to return and making me feel as the happiest aspect on Earth…

ROMAN: That’s what friends are for, right?

LOGAN: And we’re friends, aren’t we?

VIRGIL: Of course we are.

PATTON: [excited] Does that mean…?

VIRGIL: [a little shy] Well, I’m willing to come back, if you let me.

THOMAS: If we let you? Are you kidding? Of course we let you! Welcome back, Virgil!

[Virgil shapes back to his usual full human form with his purple outfit and dark eye-shadow]

VIRGIL: Thank you, guys, so much.

ROMAN: Why did you turn back to your old form?

LOGAN: You don’t have to, there’s no need for you to hide anymore. Remember, you can be yourself.

VIRGIL: It’s okay, guys. I like this form better, it’s comfier, especially for the whiskers, they tickle me all the time, you know? Besides, I still rock the purple, right?

PATTON: [smiling] Of course you do, kiddo. Of course you do.

VIRGIL: Speaking about kiddo, Patton…

PATTON: [scared] Oops! Sorry, it just slipped out again!

VIRGIL: It’s okay, it’s okay, Patton. I don’t mind at all that you call me kiddo or anything you want. As long as you do it with love, and not in a moment when I’m doing my job and I need to be… well, dark, you can call me however you want. Have we got a deal?

PATTON: [happy] Yes, kiddo. It’s a deal!

VIRGIL: Thank you, I lo… like… [pauses with a shy face, then, determined] What the heck! I love you, guys! I couldn’t be more proud of loving each and every one of you!

[All the Sides and Thomas cheer.]

PATTON: And we love you too, Virgil. We love you too.

[Logan takes a tear off his eye]

LOGAN: Gosh, if this goes on for too long, I’m gonna dehydrate!

THOMAS: And, Virgil, one last question, do all the Dark Sides have animal forms? Deceit as a snake, you as a panther…

VIRGIL: [sinking down] I think it will be better for you to discover that in due time, Thomas. It’s been enough emotions for a day, don’t you think?

THOMAS: I guess you’re right, Virge.

ROMAN: [sinking down] Well, another quest that ends successfully. Buen trabajo, Thomas!

THOMAS: [slightly confused face] Thank you, Roman, I think…

LOGAN: [sinking down] I gotta go to do a little research about these feelings and emotions. I hate things that are out of my control.

THOMAS: Emotions are not as easy to control, Logan… Okay.

PATTON: Thank you, Thomas. You really took the risk for us and you delivered.

THOMAS: No, thank you, Patton. It was thanks to you that the others realized their faults and reconsidered it all. I truly don’t know what we would do without you.

PATTON: [sinking down] Happy to oblige!

THOMAS: Well… As I said before, pretending that we’re not flawed is irresponsible. But, on the other side, acting as if our flaws determined entirely who we are and who we can be is equally irresponsible too. We can work on our flaws and improve as persons, but we mustn’t expect that if we don’t solve all of our faults we’ll never be good enough. Perfection doesn’t exist and it’s irrational to look for it as the only acceptable result. Look instead to improve yourself as much as you can, push your boundaries every day and take one step further if you can. And don’t feel too bad if you cannot. If these flaws of yours are not too hindering or hurtful to yourself or others, embrace them as a part of you, because those who really love you will love you with flaws and all. After all we’re all flawed in this world, aren’t we? That’s what makes us human. Beware of those who tell you they’re flawless, as they’re either lying to you or to themselves. Until next time, take it easy, guys, gals and non binary pals. Peace out!

[End card. We see Deceit in the black void. He finally takes his hand off his face.]

DECEIT: [groaning] Bless them! I’m certain they won’t pay for this!

[A demonic voice starts speaking from the dark.]

VOICE: [angry demonic voice] You’ve failed, Deceit!

DECEIT: [slightly scared] I did not fail! If Thomas hadn’t come, Virgil would have returned to us! It wasn’t my fault!

VOICE: Silence, you fool! I’m tired of being locked here in this void! I want to be free! And I can’t be free if all the Dark Sides are not present here to free me! I need Virgil here!

DECEIT: Give me another chance, my Lord! Next time I’ll be able to break their bond! Virgil will be one of us again!

VOICE: No! I’m tired of your incompetence! You are lucky that I also need you to be free or you would feel my wrath! I need another Dark Side. Someone who can be more subtle than you. And I know exactly the one who can do it!

DECEIT: [slightly scared] You mean…?

VOICE #2: [evil voice] Yes, my Lord. I will not fail you.

VOICE: You better won’t.

DECEIT: [to the camera, breaking the fourth wall] Well, that’s certainly not foreboding, right?

[mercurygray]

I'd love to have you come up with a Medici OC

I couldn’t just…come up with a character, you know. I had to do something with her.  And I’ve figured out that one of the things that’s really been grinding my gears on both seasons of Medici was how…alone…the women are? And I am all about women helping women.

So…here she is! The family she belongs to is real enough, but the person herself  (and her mother also appearing here) is a fiction.

This was not home.

It had been nearly four months since Clarice Orsini had married Lorenzo, three since she’d arrived her in Florence, but despite the renunciation of her name, her family, and her city, the Palazzo Medici  still made her feel like a stranger. Oh, she lived here, inasmuch as it could be called living - said her prayers in the chapel, and had her confession heard in San Lorenzo, entertained with her mother-in-law in the great rooms of the Palazzo, under the watchful eyes of all the Medici ancestors painted up on the walls - but this was not home.

Nor, at the rate she was going, did she think it ever would be. Her days were empty, her husband was a stranger to her  - and it seemed no matter what she did, she was always found wanting in the eyes of her mother-in-law.

The bell at the front door was ringing - another visitor? What was so important in this city that all these women came visiting each other every day? Clarice laid aside the shirt she was mending for Lorenzo and went  downstairs to greet their guest.

Lucretiza, of course, was already there, all smiles and politeness for the two women in their veils and cloaks. “Guilia!” They exchanged polite kisses, obviously on very familiar terms.

“We came to pay our respects on the occasion of your son’s marriage,” the older of the two women was saying. “It should have been sooner, I know, but my husband…”

“Is his gout not improved?” A shake of the head. Lucretiza looked upstairs, as if just noticing Clarice, and beckoned her down. “Ah, there you are, my dear. My daughter-in-law, Clarice. Clarice, this is Guilia de Bonsi - and her daughter, Bartolomea.”

Madonna Bonsi looked to be one of those matrons made along the old Florentine model, a stern woman of sound business principles that Clarice was realizing she would need to become quite well acquainted with if she was to survive here at all.  Her curtsey was stiff and formal, her eyes dark, direct, and not a little unforgiving, and gave the distinct impression that she disapproved of something about Clarice she did not yet want to name. The daughter was clearly her mother’s child, with the same dark hair and determined jaw, but there was a little levity in her eyes that suggested she was not as inflexible as her mother. “Very pleased to meet you, madonna,” the younger de Bonsi said with a smile, making her curtsy.

“The de Bonsi are good friends of the Medici,” Lucrezia said, stepping in and looking a little worried that her daughter in law could not speak for herself. “Signore de Bonsi deals in silk, and spices - they supply the kitchen here.”

“An account we are very glad to handle,” Madonna Guilia said with a thin-lipped smile. “I was hoping to hear, Madonna Lucretiza, if your son has news from Venice regarding this new tax we are hearing about…”

And with that, the two older women departed, leaving Clarice and Bartolomea standing awkwardly in the hall, Clarice unsure of what hospitality dictated she do. In Rome they had not done much entertaining, and Florence had its own customs - of which she was being constantly reminded, it seemed, by her mother-in-law, how she must dress and how she should speak - or what she should speak on! In Rome women were not expected to speak of business, whereas in Florence, among the great families it was all anyone ever talked about.  And to be left alone to fend for herself, when she did not know the first thing about Bartolomea de Bonsi save her name!

“Would you…care to come into the garden? My husband’s gardener has some…very fine orange trees that are just coming into fruit.”

Bartolomea nodded, following Clarice inside the center of the palazzo. “I can…ask someone to bring wine,” she offered, as they found a seat on one of the benches just within sight of the fountain, Clarice carefully arranging herself so she wouldn’t have to spend the entire visit staring at one of Lorenzo’s half-naked heroes over her guest’s shoulders. (That was another thing she was getting used to,  though she did not like that she should. Here Hercules stood staring at Venus, admiring her mirror without a stitch of clothing on. Madonna Ardinghelli had posed for it - she’d heard one of the servants saying so - and it was hardly seemly that her husband could look at another woman’s nakedness.)

Had her guest said something? She’d been so busy thinking she’d not been listening. “You must forgive me if my manners are bad; I am…still learning Florentine ways.”

“I was saying that I can’t imagine it’s very easy to marry into this family,” Bartolomea offered with a smile, glancing around at the impressive walls of the surrounding palazzo. “Or this city, for that matter. But you mustn’t let Mother frighten you, or anyone else. She’s just very old-fashioned and thinks that Florentine men should marry Florentine women.”

Had she looked frightened, standing at the door? She supposed she had. Since her marriage, she’d met most of the great families of the city and all of them seemed to find her…wanting. Clarice nodded, unsure of what else to say. Her guest, however, did not have that problem. “Your husband has a very fine collection here, madonna.”

“Yes, he does. I’m…still learning all the names, and the artists. My mother-in-law is in charge of the flowers here, and their arrangements.”

“It’s very pleasant. My mother doesn’t much go for flowers; she thinks they’re a waste of money. But then,” she said, giving  a little unconcerned shrug, “my parents’ house does not have a courtyard quite so fine as this. Is this one of my father’s silks?” Her hand rose to inspect the trim on Clarice’s dress, her gaze professional. “It looks very well on you. I wish more women wore deep colors like this, this sudden fashion to outfit ourselves like peacocks does not sit well on some women.”

Again she was caught out! “I…it may be, madonna. I’m not sure. I brought some dresses with me from Rome, but…they were not deemed suitable for the wife of a Medici.” Nothing except my family was suitable, it seems.

Bartolomea dropped her hand, her smile apologetic, Clarice looking for something, anything, that might save her from herself and her abominable lack of conversation. A passing maid saved her from the silence. “Maddalena!” Clarice stood up, the better to channel the imperiousness of her mother-in-law. “Wine, please, for Madonna de Bonsi and myself.”

“Of course, madonna,” the servant said, curtsying and going on her way, coming back in short order with the wine, which she poured and passed to the two women.

Clarice was so busy watching the maidservant that she hardly noticed her guest, until she sat back down and saw Bartolomea was smiling again, one of those maddening, superior smiles that indicates the wearer is about to say something out of turn. Clarice was learning to dread those smiles  - for often as not, the woman who bore them said nothing to her and chose instead to whisper to their friends about some mistake she’d made. “Will you allow me to make an observation, Madonna Medici?” Bartolomea asked, hands light on her wine cup. “I do not know what it is like to be a woman in Rome, but here in Florence, we say that a woman is happiest when she bakes her own bread.”

“I’m…afraid don’t understand you.”

“We Florentines do not go in for shy, retiring women, as a general rule. It’s against our civic character. Those of us who come from merchant families are taught from the cradle to fix our terms very carefully, because we know that if we don’t, then others will set terms for us. What to say, what to do - what to wear. I think you are not baking your own bread at the moment, but rather eating someone else’s. And it is very much not to your taste.”

Clarice looked down at her dress - the dress her mother-in-law had picked out for her, amid the flowers she was not allowed to alter, in the courtyard her husband would not change, tears pricking at her eyes that this total stranger should say it so easily. God in heaven, yes!  "Am I so obvious?“ she asked, blotting at her eyes. I am a married woman and I should have charge of my own house and instead I have charge of nothing and I am completely alone!

The other woman reached forward, clasped her hand. “Only to someone who knows what that’s like. My brother’s wife is much the same - and you’ve already met my mother.”

“But how do you manage?” Clarice begged. Please, someone tell me what to do, for nothing my mother ever told me prepared me for this.

“Only you can know what will make you happy. I’m unlikely to marry, save for my father’s business prospects - I cannot change that. So I have a charity, for orphaned girls, so that they can learn to read and write and go into service. I pay the rent on the building, the teachers’ salaries, and I keep investments so that I can continue to do so. It gives me purpose, just as my own children would, it looks well on my family, to be associated with such an endeavor - and it drives my mother mad,” she added with a satisfied smile. “My own terms.”

Clarice sniffled, blotting her eyes again. “Marriage was not what I thought I wanted from life. I thought I was to go into holy orders.”

“And you …regret it now?”

“I regret not being useful,” Clarice said bitterly. “In Rome I had my work in the hospital, my prayers, my patients. Here I have…nothing.”

Bartolomea laughed. “And we have no beggars and hungry mouths here in Florence? We shall find you a hospital, madonna, if that is what brings you joy.”

“It would not be seemly, for the wife of -”

“Seemly? For the wife of one of the city’s most prominent citizens to involve herself in charity work? I can think of nothing more seemly! It is a level of Christian practice to which we should all aspire. Perhaps you are not bathing lepers yourself, but there are many ways to care for the sick. Besides, what use is being married to one of the wealthiest families in the city if you cannot spend their money?”

The suggestion, and the smile of joyful conspiracy that went with it, made Clarice smile, despite herself - the first time she’d remembered smiling in quite a while. “Are you usually this forthright on first acquaintances, Madonna de Bonsi?”

“My mother says it is another one of my failings,” she said, almost proud. “You looked very helpless, standing behind Lucretzia in the hall and letting my mother look you over like a prize pig. It is my joy in life to help others - and I’ve decided I want to help you.”

“Bartolomea!” The meeting between the two older women was obviously at an end.  "We are leaving.“

Bartolomea rolled her eyes. "Coming, Mother.” She turned back to Clarice with a knowledgeable smile, the look of someone who is on the verge of sharing a freindly secret. “I pray you will think on it, Madonna Medici. Perhaps when I call again I can be of some assistance?”

Clarice was so stunned she hardly realized that the last words out of her guest’s mouth had, in fact, been a question - and a polite request to be invited back. “Of course, Madonna,” she said, rising from her chair and nodding.

“And we can talk more about new silks - of your own choosing,” Bartolomea added with another conspiratorial smile. And, with another squeeze of her hand, she was gone, back to the front hall.  

“I don’t like that girl,” Lucretzia was saying in the outer hall. “Your daughters should take a lesson from her, Clarice - a woman her age ought to be married, not chasing a pack of orphans in the Campo.”

“I liked her,” Clarice said, faintly smiling. “She sets her own terms.” Her mother-in-law stared a moment, but said nothing, returning to whatever domestic task was demanding her attention.

…That’s the first time I’ve disagreed with her aloud.

And, beaming with pride, she went back upstairs to return to mending Lorenzo’s shirt - and, just perhaps, to change her dress. 

[baek-beauty]

Just For You - Chapter 02

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre:  Fluff, Romance, VampireAu, Action, Thriller, & Smut (in later parts)

Just For You: Plot Mini Masterlist

Length: 2.68k words 

Previous Chapter

After that long relaxing shower, you slipped your pyjamas on, and went to brush your teeth, as soon as you finished and stumbled back into your room while closing the bathroom’s door, your phone vibrated indicating a new message, you went and picked it up checking it only to drop it on the floor the next second, your eyes wide open in shock, your heart beating so quickly that you can feel it in the palm of your hands, tears showing in your eyes at the thought of the name on your phone: ‘BAEK ♡’

Dreaming?! That’s what you thought! But is it reality?! Well… That definitely wasn't one of your main expectations.

Staring at the phone not even noticing your mouth wide open, good thing a fly didn’t get in there. Still believing that you were actually hallucinating, you blinked a few times, looking at the lightened screen once more, “Baek”, you whispered his name aloud, trying to sink in the events and hoping that there was some truth behind it and in fact, there was. 

You never changed his name since you two got a phone together at the age of fourteen, when your parents decided that you needed one after that long night both of you ended up at the lake until sunrise.

You sat on the bed, lowering both of your trembling hands to pick the phone up; with the way you were shaking, you weren’t sure if one palm would be able to lift the heavy metal. Your breathing hitched and you felt anxiety rushing through your body when you tapped on the message to see it:

‘Y/N ♡ it’s Baekhyun, but I hope it’s still Baek for you, I don’t know if you still have my number, but I never lost yours. I know it’s been four years, I got all your messages but I never had enough courage to respond back to you. Even now, despite my parents being there for a month, I still couldn’t text you a single word because I was afraid. I never stopped thinking about you Y/N, I never could and never will, every day we spent together is stained into my memory. I could never stay away from you even if I was far away; I know what you went through those four years, your parents told me everything. I asked them about you everytime we called, I was aware that I gave you a lot of pain. It is unforgivable. But I miss you Y/N, everyday, I miss you and I can’t wait till the day I come back to see you. I know of what was said to you about our cause of departure from home, and I still remember how stubborn you are that you won’t believe that it’s the reason, but I promise you in time you’ll know everything. And hopefully when you do, you’ll forgive me and understand why I had to leave. I’m not sure you will reply me, but I hope you read it at least! It won’t be the last message I send, so expect more from me till I’m there in front of you! Holding you in my arms, but I won’t let you go this time. I Love You Y/N <3 ’

Tears were streaming down your face effectively soaking the sheets. You read the message over and over again, till your eyes dried out all the tears bottled inside you. Not believing that this was real, that Baekhyun actually texted you, telling you how he feels, that he knew everything about you in those horrible four years from your parents when you knew nothing! It all felt like a dream.

Your parents... ‘Why didn’t they ever tell me that Baekhyun called them? Why didn’t they manage to tell me that he asked about me when I assumed that he just forgot me?! Why is so much being kept from me? What s the deal? I trust my parents, I trust Mr. and Mrs. Byun, I still trust Baekhyun, I believe his every word, I just want to know what is that big secret that made them leave?’

Then it hit you, the last sentence he said! 

‘He loves me? What did he mean by that? ’

The thought made you blush.

You didn’t know what to do now, to answer or not to. What could you even respond back with. You decided to wait until the morning, and to just head to bed instead. But you knew that you’re in for a long night ahead, all the tiredness you felt vanished the moment you saw his name, as all you can think of was him.

It was passed twelve am when you decided to go down to the kitchen to make some tea, sitting on the counter lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t hear the footsteps down the stairs getting closer till you heard a cough sounding from behind you. Your mom was standing at the kitchen door looking at you with a sweet smile;

“Why are you still awake sweetie?”

You weren’t sure if you wanted to reveal to her that Baekhyun contacted you, or just ask her why they hid so much from you?! It was a dilemma. So you decided to just be honest, hopefully she might give you a straight answer.

“I was going to bed when I got a text.”

You saw your mom look at you with a tensed stare which was full of worry like she knew who texted you, so you just decided to continue.

“I- It was Baekhyun, after all these years… he texted me telling me he never forgot me, that he wanted to talk to me since the day he left but he couldn’t, he was scared for some reason, but he told me I’ll know everything soon. He even told me that he was in contact with you, that he asked about me everytime, which you and dad didn’t consider mentioning to me… he even told me he’ll keep contacting me till he comes back.”

Tears started falling on your cheeks.

“He misses me and he said he can’t wait to see me mom.”

You were sobbing uncontrollably, your mom sat next to you and embraced you in her arms, your tears soaking her pyjama,

“He told me he loves me.”

You turned towards your mother and held her tight, like a little child wanting her mom to save her from the boogeyman haunting her bed at night. When you started to cool down all thanks to her, she took your hands making you look at her:

“Honey listen to me okay? I am sorry your dad and I had to keep this from you, but it is for a good reason believe me, the Byuns are like family to us, and they want you to be safe as much as we do. Yes we knew why they left, we even knew they were leaving years back, you’ll know soon sweety I promise you, and you’ll be okay with it, I can tell you that, cause I know my daughter and I know you’ll forgive Baekhyun. He loves you dearly. More than you can imagine, he never wanted to leave you, he had to but he’s coming back just for you!”

Her words struck to your heart ‘just for you’, you can sense the honesty in her eyes sparkling with tears and care and her voice filled with emotions.

Baekhyun loves you, he always did and still does, not like a friend but romantically, just like you always have and still do, it’s like you were magnets to each other, collided together even with the distance separating the both of you.

With your mother’s words, you knew what you need to do next, it’s as if she knew what you actually needed to hear to help you decide on your next move; she never failed to amaze you, of how well she knows you, her own daughter that she cares deeply about.

You hugged your mother with a small smile creeping on your face, grateful for her warm embrace and her true words; you mouthed her a ‘thank you’, then got up and rushed to your bedroom, picking up your phone, thinking of what to reply to him.

It took you almost an hour to write the text, typing and deleting over and over, till you were kind of satisfied with the last one, you viewed it one last time before you hit send;

‘Hello, I’m sorry but do I know you? Funny story though, I had a friend named Baek… until one day he just vanished without a word! Such an ass right? ;) Just so you know, your name is still the same as the day you wrote it on my phone, it never changed Baek and won’t ever, just like many other things… I hate to lie and say I feel happy now, because that would be half the truth, but I guess half a truth is better than a complete lie!   What do you expect me to say?! Four years now and I couldn’t seem to forget about you one single day, even though I did try many times! The days felt longer somehow, and the nights shorter crying myself to sleep. God how much I wished for the sun to disappear, just like did. You did hurt me, but I still love you Baek. And if it wasn’t for mom, I might’ve made a bad decision and you wouldn’t have heard from me. There is many things that I need answers to but I guess I will have to wait to find out. I trust my mom when she tells me that I would forgive you, as much as I trust your words somehow even with all the pain. How do you still have that effect on me?!’

SENT.

Anxiety rushed into you once again, the excitement and fear longing deep within you.  ‘Was I too mean? No, he deserves this! He should know how hurt I am as well as how much I’m missing him’

With that your thoughts drifted back to the day you last saw him, how could you ever forget it?! Remembering all his features, from his dark hair which was always styled casually, some of his bangs falling onto his forehead and covering those beautiful brown eyes, always filled with adoration to you and provided you safety; you never were scared with him, never feared anything, he gave you protection with his embrace and the sweet words coming out of his cherry lips. You would lie if you say you never wanted to taste them, but to your relief he felt the same hunger for you.

The sound coming from your phone woke you from your reverie, only to see another text from Baekhyun,

‘Can I call you? Please’

You did not want to make it so easy for him, but every cell in your body was working against you. You wanted to hear his voice, you desperately need it, deciding to shove away your ego, you replied to him with a simple YES.

Not a minute later, the phone rang, picking it up to your ear when you tried to answer but the pounding of your heart was not helping you at all. You managed to let out a breathy

‘Hello’, only to hear you voice being called by that beautiful angelic voice, god how much you missed hearing it,

“Y/N, Y/N are you still here?”

You haven’t noticed that you zoned out on him, how can one word from him make you melt into a pound of thoughts?!

“Baek, hey.’ You were shaking by now,

“I can’t believe I’m hearing your voice after so long, god I missed it, I miss you Y/N, you still sound the same, as beautiful as you are.”

You felt a burn in your cheeks,

“God, it’s really hot in here.” You didn’t notice what you actually blurted out until you heard a small chuckle coming from him, you buried your face in your hands, cursing yourself for what you just uncovered.

“Y/N Isn’t it spring there?! Why are you hot?”

You swear you can feel him smirk on the other end, cursing him deep inside for turning you into this hot mess.

“Uhh, no actually it was quite the weather today, very hot today, hot wind, yeah really hot wind.”   What was even hot wind?! ‘Great job Y/N, why can’t I say a simple sentence?!’

“Oh, I see then”

You wouldn’t miss the teasing sound in his voice, you took a deep breath before saying all confidently,

“Yeah anyway, why did you want to call me now Baek? You know it’s really late so what do you want?”

“I- I’m sorry but I wanted to hear your voice after those years Y/N, I really miss you, I don’t want to bother you but please just talk to me, please I promise you, you’ll know everything, I promise you that I never wanted to hurt you, I know you suffered, but I did too, we didn’t leave because we wanted to, we left because we had to, I had to protect you Y/N.”

You froze when you heard Baekhyun choking on his words, his voice filled with pain but too honest. You wanted to take that pain away, to run into him, hold him in your arms and make him forget it all, but reality was harder than that, since you were feeling the same pain, as you thought.

You did not know what to say, you did not even understand what he meant; your heart shuddered at the sound of his sobs, you urged yourself to reply him

“Baekhyun, Baek… What is happening, please stop crying, I miss you too, god you have no idea how much I want to see you and hold you close to me! Baek please calm down for me please.”

He did not stop, he couldn’t, he wanted nothing but to be there with you, holding you tight to his chest, smelling the lovely scent of the girl he loves the most.

You wanted to say more since he is unable to speak

“Baek what did you mean by protecting me? You left to protect me? Why? Why do I need protection even?!” 

You noticed him calm down, he hummed telling you that he listened, voice steadier than before

“Y/N I promise you soon, when I come home, I’ll find the right time to tell you everything, please believe me. Believe that I missed you as much as you did, that I kept thinking of you every single day, believe me when I say I love you Y/N, trust me as you always did!”

You didn’t need Baekhyun telling you that because you already knew it, even after four years, the way he sounded just made you know he is the same Baekhyun, you knew him, you always have, YOUR Baekhyun.

You didn’t hold back your feelings anymore, you let the truth out to him, you believe in him, you trust him and you’ll wait, he went through as much as you did, and maybe even worse?!

That night you ended up talking until sunrise, you shared many stories that occurred through these years of being apart, you felt at ease again, being able to talk to Baekhyun, just as if those haunting years never took place.

The days went by, with you anticipating the sunrise now, just to be able to talk with him; you texted, you called, but Baekhyun never agreed on Video Calling, you found it weird at first, but he told you he wanted to see you live for the first time after those years not through a tablet, you laughed at this, finding it cute not questioning him.

You believed it, even though it wasn’t quite the truth, because Baekhyun had quite a reason for not video calling you…

                                                             Chapter 3

[clairekatswritingcorner]

Something To Fight For

Word Count: 2,198

Summary: After spending another agonizing night as the beast, Lester awakes to find himself alone in the woods. Concerned for his safety, Alexys wanders into the wilderness to find him.

*Author’s Note*: The first of two commissions I did for @bad-blue-moon-rising! She requested a piece about her and her werewolf bf, Lester, with plenty of angst and fluff. I admit I went a little heavy with the angst in this one, but with the subject matter it was almost impossible not to. But it does have a happy ending, and I really enjoyed getting to work with some characters I’ve never written before! Consider this another one of my selfship otps <3 I hope you enjoy!

It was early morning, but the sky was still dark. As the moon began to wane, he considered how ironic his curse was, that the largest light in the night sky was the catalyst for a being that snuffed out life like a candle. In his human life Lester tried to focus on bringing people happiness, comfort, and reassurance despite their troubles. No matter how deeply they were sucked into the dark pit of hopelessness, he was there to remind them that the light of hope would always lift them out again. But in the night, when darkness distorted everything into a monstrous form and made blood run cold…he was just another slave to its influence.

He’d run into the forest, the perfect place for nighttime to warp reality into something unfamiliar, scary, and dangerous. Trees cast shadows where moonlight bled through, their trunks gnarled and twisted and creating the illusion of faces—faces that belonged to demons or ghouls. Their branches were sharp like claws, and the rustle of their leaves could be mistaken for a howl when the conditions were just right.

Lester didn’t have to pretend, though. When people thought they were seeing the face of a monster, that’s what they really saw. When people heard or felt the slash of claws, or the echo of a desperate howl in the infinite void of night, it was always genuine. Sometimes he wished he wasn’t real, that he didn’t have to be, that this aspect of his life could just be a bad dream, a cruel lie that spread like roots through soil.

But he didn’t have the luxury to say he was living a lie…at least in terms of his detestable side. He lied about that all the time, sharing his kind human side with the townsfolk and living his days like any other citizen. But the part of him that filled him with disgust and loathing, that terrified others, that was instinctual and terrifying and bloodthirsty never stopped existing.

Sometimes things were calm enough for him to forget his curse, and he’d push thoughts of it to the back of his mind. But those pleasantries all inevitably ended when the beast returned to transform him, control him, break him. He would never embrace it, never accept it, even if he was bound to it forever. It had already cost him his left eye, this feral side demonstrating just how much of a danger it posed not just to others, but to himself.

He touched the white patch that covered the wound with human fingers, almost unrecognizable to him after spending a night as the beast. Even if it wasn’t the one that had shot his eye out, such an event would likely have never occurred if he didn’t have this condition. He knew he could never forgive himself for all the atrocities committed by his hands, even if they had been carried out against his will. He knew he deserved to be branded with this badge of impurity, a physical mark that never let him forget the sins resting on his shoulders. He didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to get up every day knowing what would be coming again soon, knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Another thought, a happy thought, momentarily displaced his regret and flitted through his mind. It was an image of the woman he loved, and he could see her soft smile and gentle hands and feel her warm lips tingling on his skin as he soaked in her visage. She was always so kind to him, so accepting…too accepting. She had never once berated nor forsaken him for his deplorable side and all that came with it. She offered him words of love and reassurance and adoration that he returned wholeheartedly, but he didn’t know how she could still muster up such tender feelings for him.

He wished he was holding her right now, or being held by her. He dug his fingers into his arms, not enough to do any damage, but enough to express the dismay hanging over him. He didn’t deserve to have these feelings, or to accept hers. He didn’t deserve to take away her opportunity to have a better, unruined future, to find someone that would love her just as much as him, but without the haunting disadvantages.

His heart ached to imagine what it would be like to live without her, what it would be like to know that she was giving her love to someone else. He was too selfish, too in love with her to find any real joy in such a scenario. But if one day he happened to cross the line just a bit too far, if he snapped and committed some unforgivable act, he would have no objection to letting her go. It would hurt, it would feel like half of his heart was being ripped away, but if the decision was hers he would never even think of denying her the chance to move on to something—someone—better.

Little did he know that the focus of his affections was on her way to find him right now. Alexys had headed out just as the sun started to peek over the horizon; she had a pretty good idea of where she could find him. He’d unintentionally let that information slip to her on more than one occasion. If he wasn’t back home, he was likely somewhere in the forest at the edge of town. She’d caught sight of his footprints—or more accurately, pawprints—just as she entered the wood, following them eagerly. As she trudged through the trees she was careful not to make too much noise in the event that her sudden appearance startled him.

Before she knew it, Alexys was standing on the edge of the small clearing Lester had collapsed in. He was fully human again, and overwhelmed with agony, judging by the way he was holding himself. Her fists clenched and heart seized a bit as she examined the few scratches and cuts that were visible from where she stood; she was sure when she looked closer there would be even more. She stepped through the trees and his head whipped around at the sound, ready to flee if he’d been discovered by anyone else. But he registered her presence almost instantly, fighting between the urge to run into her arms or turn away and advise her to return home without him. She acted before he could reach a decision.

“Sweetheart, are you alright?”

It was an unnecessary question, but she wanted to know how much pain he was in, to assess whether he was in any condition to make it home without her help. He remained silent for a few moments, trying to pull himself together enough to give her a decent response. He didn’t have words strong enough to accurately describe his adoration and appreciation for her. Once again, she’d come to his rescue, drawing him back from the precipice of despair into her loving embrace.

“Lester, can you talk to me?”

She knelt beside him and he finally turned to face her. She was almost driven to tears by the desolate expression on his face, but the light that flickered to life in his eyes as he looked at her tapered it a bit. “I’m alright. I’m ready to go back if you are.”

She smiled and took one of his hands, pressing it to her lips. “Yes, of course. I didn’t want you to have to walk back alone.”

He lifted his hand away only to grab hers, pressing her palm against his cheek. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if had been anybody but you that found me.”

“No need to fear, your girlfriend’s here,” Alexys teased, relieved by the way the corners of his mouth turned up just a little. “C’mon, let me help you up. It looks like some of these wounds need to be treated when we get back, too. You can even lay in my lap while I do it if you want.”

A light blush colored his features at her proposition, although he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted to take her up on her offer. She smiled and threaded their fingers together, slipping back to the house with him as swiftly and carefully as possible. As much as Lester preferred to avoid people when he was the beast, he also didn’t like having to explain himself if he was caught making his way back home from the woods. There would no doubt be questions—he’d faced them before—but with Alexys at his side the trek always went smoothly.

Alexys was just glad to hold his hand in hers again. She appreciated the warmth and rough texture of his skin, the way his fingers gripped hers tightly in return. She was happy that he wanted her around, and even happier that he trusted her enough to share his darkest secret. Of course, it would have been particularly difficult to hide the truth from someone he lived with, but she didn’t mind knowing. She wasn’t worried or scared or intimidated by him in the slightest, instead spending her anxieties on whether he was going to make it home the next morning or not. That was part of why she’d started going out to find him. If he’d gotten hurt, or worse, she wanted to be the first person to find him and come to his aid.  

As the two approached the house Alexys took off her coat and shoes while Lester headed to the bedroom to snag a change of clothes. Before he could get his shirt on she was there, shaking her head at him as she drew his attention to the box of first aid supplies she held in her hand. Lester sighed, not because he didn’t want her help, but because he didn’t want her to have to help. But there was no deterring her when her mind was set, and it would give him the excuse to be near her and let her run her hands over his shoulders and arms and back. That kind of attention was something he needed right now, for both his physical and mental wellbeing.

He took a seat on the bed and she got situated behind him, setting her legs on either side of him so she could scoot up closer to work. There were several flinches and yelps and curses from Lester as she did her best to patch him up painlessly, but nothing could be done to avoid the process of flushing his wounds with antiseptic fluid. After she felt she’d gotten him sufficiently bandaged, she examined her handy work. She’d used as many skin colored bandages as she could in the places where his skin was usually uncovered. Luckily, the biggest ones were mostly on his back.

Alexys trailed her fingers across some of her patchwork, admiring the parts of his skin that remained unblemished. She could feel the tautness of his muscles, the warmth of his skin, the rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed slowly, calmly. He was trying to recover from the bout of unpleasantness the treatment had caused, as well as mulling over some of the thoughts he’d had earlier. Thoughts about how she would be better off without him, thoughts about how he knew he could never bear it if he were to hurt her. But just the idea of bringing any of that up now made his stomach lurch.

“There’s something I need to tell you…” he began against his better judgement, turning his torso so he could face her. “I know you already know the risks, but every night it happens it seems to get worse. I feel like I’m losing more and more of myself. I’ll never be able to make up for the things I’ve done, the lives I’ve ruined. I don’t want yours to turn out the same—”

She hushed him by pressing a finger to his lips. Her eyes danced with ferocity and a little melancholy, but her expression communicated nothing but soft, unwavering love. “You can’t blame yourself for those things. You aren’t the one who did them. I’ll never love anyone like I love you, Lester. And I’ll face any risk that comes my way. I always have, and I always will. You’re worth fighting for.”

Although he wasn’t proud of it, tears undeniably began welling up in his eyes. Alexys kissed them away before they could fall down his cheeks. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him deeply, and he responded in kind as he closed his eyes and pulled her against him by her waist. It was true, neither of them wanted to live their lives without the other. As they held each other close, they treasured the intimacy, trust, and love. No one else in the world would ever be able to give them feelings like this, and that was enough. Besides, having her in his life gave Lester something to fight for, too.  

[aion-rsa]

15 Hardest SNES Games of All-Time

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In their move from the NES to the SNES, Nintendo and its development partners often relied on using 8-bit games as the basis for 16-bit innovations. While that approach helped move us towards the future of gaming, it also meant that many SNES games felt spiritually similar to NES titles.

That also means that many SNES games retained that arcade-like difficulty that would, in some ways, define over a decade of gaming. While the average SNES game didn’t feature nearly as many of the technical and design hurdles that contributed to some of the most difficult NES games ever made, the console is still the proud home of some of the most enjoyable challenges in video game history.

Whether you fondly remember them when you look back on this era or whether they’ve become the star of your worst gaming nightmares, these are the 15 hardest SNES games ever made:

15. The Lion King

Much like how Disney tucked Mufasa’s devastating death scene into a children’s movie, the SNES version of The Lion King lures you in with the promise of a whimsical adventure and then stabs you in the back as soon as you let your guard down. 

The Lion King starts off easy enough (at least relative to other games of this era) and even impresses with its colorful visuals and surprisingly faithful soundtrack. However, most new levels introduce a vicious spike in difficulty that will undoubtedly leave you wondering why you suddenly suck. Then, about halfway through, you’re blindsided by an escape level that’s arguably as challenging as the speeder bike segment in Battletoads due to its use of both front and rear threats rendered in not quite ready 3D technology that makes controls frustratingly unresponsive.

While the latter half of the game steps off the gas just a bit, The Lion King’s challenge roadblocks ensure most young gamers never made it that far. 

14. Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts

It’s amazing that Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts is at least as difficult as its predecessor considering that its controls are vastly improved and the action is significantly smoother overall.

However, it appears that Capcom felt that since Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts was much more “playable” than Ghosts ‘n Goblins on NES, that meant that they could make the game noticeably more difficult. This sequel features more on-screen enemies and more environmental hazards but the same iconic health system that essentially leaves you with a razor-thin margin for error that might as well be non-existent due to how difficult it is to progress after a single hit. 

While this game’s hard mode may be the most difficult challenge on the SNES, I’ll “split the difference” slightly and rightfully refer to this title’s normal mode as one of the most punishing experiences in the history of Nintendo consoles. 

13. Battletoads in Battlemaniacs

Truth be told, I debated whether or not to include Battletoads in Battlemaniacs given that the game is probably slightly easier than the NES original. At the very least, it repeats a lot of the original’s best tricks.

However, familiarity does little to diminish just how difficult this game truly is. Once again, the “highlight” of this game’s difficulty is the various vehicle sections that require you to avoid various obstacles while moving at high speeds. The infamous speeder bike section in this sequel is as hard as it ever was, but I have to give a special shout-out to that vertical scroller level that requires you to maneuver between wall spikes that force you into a “safe zone” that’s only about as wide as your character.

I’d consider this the best way to experience Battletoads due to its visual and control improvements, but the game is so difficult that it rides that line between being addictively challengingly and frustratingly cruel.

12. The Simpsons: Bart’s Nightmare

Yes, Bart’s Nightmare is a pretty bad game that suffers from some often awful controls, but it would likely still be remembered as one of the most frustrating SNES games ever made even if it was a bit more refined. 

Essentially a collection of “minigame” levels, Bart’s Nightmare forces you to quickly master a series of entirely new scenarios with their own rules. That’s annoying, but what makes this game so noteworthy is that some of the individual levels in this game are as mechanically challenging as they are conceptually confusing. There’s no better example of those concepts than the game’s Indiana Jones tribute level: a bewildering collection of platforms and traps that would still be difficult to figure out even if things weren’t constantly trying to kill you. 

This is one of the SNES’ best examples of a game that lures you in with its familiar name and then compensates for a relatively short amount of content by making everything as hard as possible. 

11. Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest

Growing up, I don’t really remember hearing many kids talk about how hard the Donkey Kong Country series is. It wasn’t until years later I really started to see more people give this franchise the respect it deserves as the home of some of the most infuriating platformers ever crafted. 

Donkey Kong Country 2 is the arguable apex of this franchise’s difficulty curve. Once again, the “problem” here is the variety of the game’s stages. Even if you’re able to keep up with a series of (certainly creative) new challenges, you’ll eventually encounter a new stage that uses an old mechanic but makes things roughly twice as difficult as before. To make matters worse, the mechanics are spaced out in such a way that you basically need to re-learn them while now battling a much more difficult version of the concept. 

The good news is that Donkey Kong Country 2 is actually a genuinely well-designed game that encourages you to keep trying even as it mercilessly forces you to doubt your abilities. 

10. Earthworm Jim 2

While the original Earthworm Jim is difficult, not even that game can prepare you for how unforgiving Earthworm Jim 2 truly is. 

If Earthworm Jim 2 only consisted of its side-scrolling stages, it would still be in the running as one of the harder SNES titles. However, we once again encounter a “Battletoads” scenario where the game’s special vehicle and race sections raise the overall difficulty to such a degree that I honestly can’t say I’ve ever spoken to anyone who managed to beat this game as a kid or adult without at least relying on emulator save scumming. 

Oh, and the fact that some of this game’s most infuriating levels also see you, quite literally, let puppies down every time you fail is an exercise in pure cruelty. 

9. Jurassic Park

During the 8 and 16-bit eras, it was relatively easy to buy into the idea that a game was simply impossible. While that distinction was sometimes afforded to action titles that demanded perfect reflexes and pattern recognition, you more often heard it used to describe titles of that era that left you wondering “Where am I going, and what am I supposed to do?”

Few games of that mold are more memorable than Jurassic Park. What starts off as a seemingly simple top-down action game quickly reveals itself to be a labyrinth of puzzles, awkward first-person segments, and enemies that can kill you before you have a chance of figuring out where you’re supposed to go next. It honestly reminds me a little of the notoriously difficult Fester’s Quest for NES. What’s worse is that there are no save points or passwords, which means that you’ve got to beat the whole thing in one lengthy sitting.

I’m actually a little impressed that this much creativity went into a relatively early licensed game, but Jurassic Park is a prime example of the kind of game that essentially demands a walkthrough as even figuring out which direction you’re supposed to walk in is often unintuitive.

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By Chris Freiberg

8. ActRaiser 2

The original ActRaiser was also fairly difficult, but its blend of platforming, action, and town building is so impressive that you kind of forgive it for its difficulty spikes. For ActRaiser 2, developer Quintet seemingly convinced themselves that the reason people loved the original was because of its challenging side-scrolling levels rather than its variety. At least that’s my best explanation for why they abandoned the town building elements and instead focused on crafting the hardest side-scrolling levels imaginable. 

Much to the dismay of many young gamers, they accomplished that mission in such a way that ensures the mere mention of ActRaiser 2 can unlock a treasure trove of repressed gaming memories. Some of this game’s challenges are amplified by its sluggish controls and animations, but much of the difficulty comes down to the level design. From floating platforms to the pit of deaths, ActRaiser 2 is like a hall of fame for every controller breaking concept of its era. 

The shame of it is that ActRaiser 2 is really just a few tweaks away from being one of the underrated gems of its time. Instead, the game’s only notable legacy is the crushing weight of its difficulty and some great art direction.

7. The 7th Saga

The SNES is rightfully remembered as the home of some of the best RPGs ever made, but few of those RPGs are necessarily remembered among the console’s most difficult games. That being the case, you may go into a game like The 7th Saga feeling pretty confident. 

If so, then consider this your fair warning that The 7th Saga is absolutely one of the hardest 16-bit games ever made. For some reason, this game’s developers decided to make the U.S. version of this game even more difficult than it already was. The result is a project with typical RPG challenges that are amplified by the fact that enemies can survive an absurd amount of damage that makes level grinding more important than ever. Sadly, the U.S. version of the game makes leveling even slower than before, which means that already challenging battles feel that much more laborious.

The 7th Saga is actually a very good game, but its already challenging puzzles, dungeons, and bosses are made legendary by virtue of one of the most questionable difficulty bumps in gaming history. 

6. Super Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back

I actually love the SNES trilogy of Star Wars games and recently wished that a developer would revisit their core concepts and update them for modern platforms. If that happens, though, then there’s going to be an interesting debate about whether those games should retain the difficulty that has come to define The Empire Strikes Backs. 

The other two Super Star Wars games are difficult, but Empire Strikes Back is on another level. While some of the vehicle stages are annoying, they’re not necessarily the reason so many gamers never beat this sequel. That honor instead belongs to the absurd toughness of the average enemy combined with the need to navigate some tricky levels while battling them. How can so many creatures survive so many blows from a lightsaber? Why is absolutely everything in this galaxy (including wild creatures) so hellbent on killing our heroes?

Empire Strikes Back often avoids feeling cheap or especially cruel, but that’s cold comfort for a legion of fans who have still never beaten this game. 

5. Contra III: The Alien Wars

I don’t have to tell most of you that Contra 3 is a hard game. It is, after all, a Contra game, which means that it was designed to be frustrating. Even still, there are reasons why Contra 3 stands out to this day as the hardest game that many of us played growing up. 

Here again, we have a SNES game where the developers must have thought to themselves “Well, if we’re giving them better graphics and better controls, then we should probably make everything more difficult to compensate for the natural frustration we lost.” As such, Contra 3 ups the ante of the franchise by taking what was already a very difficult action experience and adding a variety of expertly placed environmental hazards that keep you constantly off-balance. It certainly doesn’t help that the bosses are some of the toughest in the series’ history and that the game’s top-down segments offer a uniquely challenging break from the standard side-scrolling action.

This is really just a great action game that so happens to also be maddingly (but appropriately) difficult

4. Hagane: The Final Conflict 

Hagane: The Final Conflict wasn’t especially popular when it was released in 1994, but this is one of those games that was “resurrected” by the internet. Those who did play it spent years passionately encouraging everyone to revisit this truly overlooked gem. 

Before you do play this game, though, you need to know that Hagane is almost comically difficult. While Hagane’s generous controls and incredible overall design mean that you’re not hindered by fundamentally unfair mechanics, the sheer amount of obstacles this game throws at you will leave you laughing at the game over screen as you try to process what just happened. Imagine Shinobi with even more enemies and environmental hazards. That’s the basic Hagane experience.

That said, Hagane’s incredible controls, lightning speed, and excellent level design make it worth every frustrating moment you encounter along the way. 

3. U.N. Squadron

You can’t talk about the hardest SNES games without talking about the console’s collection of side-scrolling shooters. Which shooter is the hardest, though? Super R-Type? Axelay?

Actually, I think that honor belongs to U.N. Squadron. This often underappreciated game initially impresses with its surprising customization options, but it’s perhaps best remembered as a stunningly hard experience. Even though U.N. Squadron isn’t as “cheap” as similar SNES games and doesn’t suffer from as many slowdown problems, this title compensates for its lack of inherent issues in other ways. Actually, U.N. Squadron‘s enemies and levels are cleverly designed to quickly produce some of the tightest death zones you’ll find in any SNES game.

Even genre veterans will find themselves sweating during this game’s final levels. Don’t even get me started on how rough the higher difficulty settings are.

2. Zombies Ate My Neighbors 

At a time when zombie games were still a novelty (which feels like a lifetime ago), Zombies Ate My Neighbors allowed players to test their mettle against an undead horde while enjoying creative and colorful visuals complemented by a fairly tight control scheme. On the surface, it doesn’t seem like it would be one of the hardest SNES titles. From moment to moment, I’m not sure it is.

However, Zombies Ate My Neighbors has truly earned that distinction amongst gamers who have actually tried to beat this game. Not only does Zombies Ate My Neighbors feature nearly 50 levels (each of which is more difficult than the last), but the game’s resource system means that even a minor mistake on a level can make every level that comes afterward even more challenging than it would otherwise be. The constant onslaught of resource-demanding bosses can also easily wear down the patience of even the most composed players.

Even amongst the speedrunning community (to which some of the most skilled gamers in the world belong) Zombies Ate My Neighbors is considered to be one of the most difficult games ever made from a completionist perspective. If you really think about it, you’ll probably realize you never actually made it that far into the game no matter how much you played it. 

1. Castlevania: Dracula X

With Super Castlevania 4, Konami dialed things back a bit by granting the player more control over their character. The game was still difficult, but the fact that it allowed you to do things such as swing your whip in any direction made it much more accessible than anything that came before. 

Castlevania: Dracula X, on the other hand, throws all of that out the window and replaces those expanded controls with more environmental hazards than ever before. Considered to be the “true” successor to Castlevania 3 due to its retro controls and design, Dracula X can also be considered the hardest game in a franchise synonymous with difficulty. There is almost no margin for error in this action title as nearly every jump and swing can end your run if they’re not executed perfectly. 

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The cherry on top of this one is a final boss fight against Dracula that forces you to jump across tiny platforms as you try to beat what would already be a difficult boss even without the gimmick. It’s an appropriate nightmare of a gaming experience.

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