#yes all my titles Will be coming from buble songs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

padfootdidit · 7 years ago

Text

i don’t want to be alone tonight

@twelvedaysofjilychristmas

Prompt #1: wedding day

Rating: G | Word Count: 1,844 | AO3: read here | canon

For @prongsno who has the sweetest smile and kindest heart.

I know this is late (and all of them are going to be late, apologies in advance) but, it’s here now, finally, and I hope you can all pretend the ending is good.

They choose June and the sun is gold on her skin and when he wakes up he thinks he’s fallen into a dragon’s hoard. James watches her for a minute, hand ghosting along her cheek, brushing strands of hair behind her ear. He can’t believe it’s almost here.

“Morning,” she murmurs, and he smiles, closing the gap between them to press a kiss to her lips. “Your breath smells.”

“So does yours.” He whispers it into her neck, kissing down to her collarbone.

“We’re getting married tomorrow,” Lily rolls onto her back and he props himself up on his elbow beside her.

James can’t contain his smile, “finally.”

The door bangs open and Sirius sighs dramatically as he realises that the covers are halfway down their bodies and they’re both naked. “Please,” he collapses against the door frame, “there are children in the house.”

“Don’t call Pete a child, you know it upsets him.”

“It’s almost as if that’s the point.” Sirius crosses his arms and raises his eyebrow until James and Lily concede and pull the duvet up over themselves. “Thank you. Now, get up, get dressed and get ready to get married. Breakfast is being served in ten.”

“I thought you didn’t care!” James yells as Sirius slams the door behind him.

His response comes without hesitation, “I don’t!”

“I guess we better get up them,” Lily stretches her arms above her head and he takes the opportunity to bury his face in her neck again.

“You know they’re not going to let us see each other until tomorrow morning once breakfast is finished don’t you?” The words tickle her throat and she gently pushes him away.

“You think you’ll be able to survive that long without me?”

“I’m marrying Lily Evans tomorrow. Anything’s possible.”

It is strange, not spending the day and night with each other. Usually the only time they’re apart these days is on missions. No one gives them any time to think about it though. James’ house is full and it’s enough of a task to keep them at either end of it, James confined to the East Wing and Lily to the West.

Euphemia flits between the two ends, keeping everything in order and occasionally forcing tasters down people’s throats, catching them unawares.

“You do know it’s an intimate gathering don’t you mum?” James calls after her as she scurries away after attacking him with a spoonful of mousse. Judging from the amount of food he’s tried, she’s cooking for no less than a hundred.

The boys are spread across the library, Sirius browsing through the books on Latin poetry whilst Peter attempts to throw confetti into Remus’ tea. They’re meant to be working out the best way to set up the marquee but it’s simple magic and it’s much more interesting to just be together. If James closes his eyes, he can imagine that they’re third years again, sat in their dorm room after a long day of trying to annoy Filch.

“Are we going to le-“ Remus starts, only to be interrupted by James and Sirius at the same time.

“Anyone fancy a trip to the village?”

Marlene sees them leave, they’re sneaking not so great when the Potter household has about a hundred windows looking over every bit of surrounding land. “They’re off.” She announces to the room, spinning around with her hand stretched out. “Money please.”

“No way –“ Mary leaps up to look out the window but, sure enough, the four of them are running across the front lawn towards the protective perimeter. “Bloody Merlin.” She reaches into her pocket and hands Marlene two galleons.

“I can’t believe you thought they’d last longer than an hour MacDonald,” Marlene tuts.

“Amateur.” Lily laughs from her seat in front of the fireplace, not even looking up.

“If they’ve left, does that mean we can start drinking?” They’re meant to be making sure Lily’s dress fits, but it does and it’s a lot easier to just be together.

“I don’t see why not.” Mary flicks her wrist and the bottle of champagne on the table pops open and pours itself into three glasses. “To Lily and James.”

The day plays itself away and before long it’s the next morning and they’re disapparating, everyone crossing the perimeter in groups of no less than three.

Ideally, they would have married in the garden, or at Hogwarts if James’ drunken ramblings were anything to go off, but it was too dangerous. The whole Order was invited and it was too risky for everyone to be at a known location. So Wales it was.

Lily and Remus had found a perfect spot. Isolated and beautiful, there was a small cottage, abandoned or at least empty for the summer, on the edge of a meadow filled with dainty wild flowers. That’s where the girls wait whilst the boys set up the marquee in the meadow and Euphemia and Fleamont transport all the food and drink over with the help of their house elf.

Peter pulls chairs from thin air and orders them into rows, enough to fit the Order and a handful more, whilst Sirius and James magic an arch to stand in as an altar and Remus goes over the perimeter one more time.

“You sure about this?” Sirius asks as he and James lower their wands to admire their finished work.

James looks at him, sharp. “What does that mean.”

Sirius’ shrugs. “Everyone else is. Isn’t it the best man’s job to make sure the groom doesn’t get cold feet?”

“How are your feet feeling?”

“Like they regret asking the question,” Sirius runs a hand through his hair and the gesture is so borrowed that James loses focus for a second. “You know what I think about Evans. You know what I think about you two together.” And, even though Sirius has never said, not outright, James does know. “Then you don’t need to ask how my feet are feeling.”

People begin to arrive as the sun sets, apparating outside the perimeter and answering Remus and Peter’s security questions as they pass through. Lily watches from the window as they take their seats, eyes flicking from person to person, looking for anything suspicious.

Nothing was going to go wrong. She knew this. But she couldn’t stop herself from worrying. All of them, together, in one place, it was dangerous. Dumbledore had almost told them they couldn’t invite everyone and then McGonagall had pulled him aside for a word. Lily spots the Transfiguration professor now, being wrapped up in a hug by James. Although she’s too far away to see McGonagall’s face, Lily knows she’s holding back a smile.

“Ready?” Remus’ voice makes her turn and she smiles at him, shrugging.

“I think I’ve been ready for a while. What do you think?” She grabs at her dress and holds out the skirt, twirling for him.

“I think you look beautiful.”

She laughs, “thank you.”

He holds out her hand for her and she takes it, grateful that it’s him walking down her the aisle. As a girl, she’d always thought it would be her dad next to her on her wedding day but his death last year had taken that away from her.

Remus had been shocked when she asked, of course. But he’d said yes.

“You look good too. Very handsome,” she tells him as they walk down the stairs to join Marlene and Mary.

“I’ve heard the rumours about weddings, thought I’d put some effort in,” he pretends to puff out his chest and she rolls her eyes.

“Who knew the marauders could scrub up so well?” They’re wearing matching dress robes, the only difference the tiny animal footprints embroidered on their collars. You’d have to lean in closely to see them and Lily hadn’t been surprised to find out they were Sirius’ idea.

“Everyone.” Marlene says, impatient. “Now hurry up, you can’t be late to your own wedding.”

“They’re literally right outside Marls, it’s fine.” Lily reassures her bridesmaid.

“Well let’s get outside then.”

Mary shoves Marlene’s boquet into her hand and pushes her through the door, “Follow us in 20 seconds, okay? Good luck.” She gives Lily a bright smile and then follows Marlene who, unable to react now everyone seated has turned around to watch the cottage, is walking slowly towards the aisle.

“20 seconds to run.” Remus whispers.

“You scared you’re going to lose Potter to me?”

“You know when you say ‘I do’ that you’re saying it to all four of us, Evans, don’t be daft.”

“I do.” She looks up at him with a grin and he nudges her shoulder.

“Time to go.”

The walk up the aisle felt like forever. It was only a few metres long but, it was too many metres away from him. She’s wearing snitch earrings and is pretty sure this is why James is crying when she reaches him at the altar.

“Look after her,” Remus says as he kisses Lily on the cheek then goes to stand behind Sirius. James manages a strangled ‘shut up’ before he snatches up Lily’s hand and pulls her in for a quick kiss.

Their guests titter, and Euphemia tells James to behave, but Lily doesn’t mind that he’s not meant to kiss her until later.

The minister clears his throat and James steps back, sheepish. “It’s been a while.”

“24 hours.” Sirius mutters behind him.

The minister clears his throat again and starts to talk, but Lily isn’t listening to any of it. She’s too busy staring at James, her fiancé, her James, her soon to be husband. She knows he isn’t listening to a word either because he’s too busy grinning and Lily has never loved a smile more.

“ –the rings.” Peter steps forward and they tear their eyes away from each other to accept the rings, simple gold bands with each other’s name inscribed on the inside.

It’s a haze as they slip the rings onto each other’s fingers and the minister gets them to repeat their vows, simple, muggle ones, and then suddenly they’re saying ‘I do’ and Lily realises she’s crying and laughing as James dips and kisses her, softly and furiously all at once.

She can hear clapping in the background but, as he pulls away, James whispers “I love you Mrs Potter,” into her ear and she hears that as loud as a crescendo, in her ear, in her veins, in her heart.

“Stop hogging the bride,” then Sirius is pulling them apart and scooping her up and spinning her around and it’s the first time she’s seen him smile in months and it’s brighter than all of the lanterns hovering above them.

“Give over Padfoot.” James calls and she’s back on the ground next to him, between her boys, and someone’s taking a photo but all she can see is James and all she can hear is their laughter and when McGonagall had told Dumbledore ‘it’s more than a wedding, it’s hope’ Lily hadn’t understood but, now, as Lily Potter, she does.

#jily #12doxmas #mwpp #rhiannonwritesdrabbles #prongsno #yes all my titles Will be coming from buble songs #thank u and goodnight #12daysofjilychristmas #fyeahjamesandlily

190 notes · View notes

piratewithvigor · 4 years ago

Text

My first thought in regard to every band that gets played on my radio station

ACDC: Every dad’s favourite band

Adams, Bryan: Every mom’s favourite singer until Michael Buble came along

Aerosmith: haha they thought Vince Neil was a lady

Alice Cooper: he’s a Game Of Thrones fanboy and I have proof

Alice In Chains: my sister doesn’t like them because she decided AC were Alice Cooper’s initials ONLY

Allman Brothers Band: good music for dropping acid to

Allman, Gregg: That’s too many Gs for one name

Animals: House Of The Rising Sun, or who even cares

Argent: Sometimes Hold Your Head Up is really catchy

Asia: Tuesdays

Autograph: one of the members went on to be a pharmacist

Bachman-Turner Overdrive: There are just so many pop culture jokes about Taking Care Of Business that whatever I say won’t be as funny

Bad Company: with their song; Bad Company, off their album; Bad Company

Benatar, Pat: Always getting her confused with Patti Smith

Black Crowes: I like them for Lickin, but it doesn’t seem to exist outside of one shoddy video on youtube and my old CD

Blackfoot: this band name feels kind of racy

Black Sabbath: Dio was not better or worse than Ozzy; just different

Blondie: I like Call Me, but Blondie confuses me stylistically

Blue Oyster Cult: MORE COWBELL

Bon Jovi: Hello, childhood trauma, I missed you

Boston: ONE GUY. ONE GUY DID IT ALL AND NO ONE KNOWS

Bowie, David: Don’t let your children watch The Man Who Fell To Earth, or David Bowie’s will end up being the third penis they see in life

Browne, Jackson: Another musician ruined by Supernatural

Buffalo Springfield: Jack Nicholson was at the riot they sing about

Burdon, Eric: no ideas, brain empty

Bush: ditto

Candlebox: ditto once more. Who are these people?

Cars: This band feels so gay and so straight at the same time, I can only assume they’re the poster children of bisexual panic

Cheap Trick: I played Dream Police on Guitar Hero so fucking much because it was the only song anyone who played with me could keep up with

Chicago: Chicago 30 exists, but they do not have 30 albums. Fucking riddle me that

Clapton, Eric: 6 discs in one Greatest Hits is too many. That’s called “re releasing your discography”

Cochrane, Tom: For some reason, everyone thinks Rascal Flats did it better

Cocker, Joe: Belushi did it right

Collective Soul: who?

Collins, Phil: If his biggest hits were done by MCR, they would be emo anthems, but because he’s 5′6″ and from the 80s, they’re not

Cream: *Vietnam flashbacks on the hippie side*

CCR: *Vietnam flashbacks on the war side*

CSNY: David Crosby; meh

Deep Purple: THEY’RE SO MUCH MORE THAN SMOKE ON THE WATER

Def Leppard: the only music for when you’re a heartbroken bitch but also a sexy one

Derek And The Dominos: Clapton and ‘Layla’ broke up

Derringer, Rick: Tom Petty if he was from the midwest

Dio: You thought it was an anime reference, but it was me, Dio

Dire Straits: You can tell how bigoted a radio station is based on how much of Money For Nothing they censor

Doobie Brothers: I have yet to smoke weed, but I listen to the Doobies, and I think that’s pretty close

Dylan, Bob: I take back everything I said about him in my youth

Eagles: Hotel California isn’t their best song, but the memes that come from it are second to none

Edgar Winter Group: @the--blackdahlia

Electric Light Orchestra: Actually an orchestra and sound a fuckton like George Harrison

ELO: I really hesitate to ask what happens with the 7 virgins and a mule

Essex, David: no prominent memories of him

Fabulous Thunderbirds: cannot spell

Faces: Who on earth thought that was a good album name?

Faith No More: I got nothing

Fixx: One Thing Leads To Another is a damn bop

Fleetwood Mac: I ain’t straight, but I’m simply not enough of a witch to enjoy them to full potential

Fogerty, John: He got sued cause he sounded like himself

Foghat: Slow Ride slowly becoming less coherent feels like a drug trip

Foo Fighters: He was just excited to buy a grill

Ford, Lita: deserved better

Foreigner: dramatically overplayed

Frampton, Peter: a masterful user of the talk box

Free: dramatically underplayed

Gabriel, Peter: leaving Genesis changed him a lot

Genesis: if someone likes Genesis, clarify the era, because yes, it does matter

Georgia Satellites: sing like you have a cactus in your ass

Golden Earring: Twilight Zone slaps, but it doesn’t slap as hard as this station thinks it does

Grand Funk Railroad: Funk

Grateful Dead: I like their aesthetic more than their music

Great White: there are so many fucking shark jokes

Greenbaum, Norman: makes me think of Subway for some reason

Green Day: the first of the emo revolution

Greg Kihn Band: RocKihnRoll is literally the most clever album name I’ve ever seen

Guns N Roses: They have more than three good songs, but radio stations never recognize that

Hagar, Sammy: I’m still trying to figure out where he lived to take 16 hours to get to LA driving 55 and how fucking fast was he driving beforehand?

Harrison, George: He went from religious to rock, and if he had continued rocking, he would have gotten too cool

Head East: I respect people who use breakfast foods as album names

Heart: Magic Man and Barracuda are played at least once every goddamn day. They’re not even the best songs!

Hendrix, Jimi: I have both a cousin and a sibling named after Hendrix references

Henley, Don: Dirty Laundry gives me too much inspiration

Hollies: Somehow sound like they’re both from the 60s and the 80s at the same time

Idol, Billy: he’s doing well for himself

INXS: Terminator vibes

Iris, Donnie: knockoff Roy Orbison

James Gang: too many funks

Jane’s Addiction: if TMNT had a grunge band representative

Jefferson Airplane: *assorted cheers*

Jefferson Starship: *assorted boos*

Jethro Tull: The only band to make you feel not cool enough to play the flute

Jett, Joan: icon

J. Geils Band: I requested them on the radio once and it got played

Joel, Billy: he really did just air everybody’s business like that

John Cafferty And The Beaver Brown Band: literally wtf is that name

John, Elton: yarn Elton sits in my basement, unstaring. Please someone take him from me

Joplin, Janis: Queen

Journey: Stop overplaying Don’t Stop Believing. It takes away from the rest of the repetoire

Judas Priest: literally started the gay leather aesthetic

Kansas: another fucking band Supernatural stole

Kenny Wayne Shepherd: the man confuses me to the point where he isn’t in the right place alphabetically

Kiss: Mick Mars and I will simply have to disagree on the subject

Kravitz, Lenny: runaway vibes

Led Zeppelin: Fucking fight me if you don’t think they’re the most talented band (maybe not the most talented individually, but collectively, no one comes close)

Lennon, John: My least favourite Beatle for reasons

Live: I got nothin

Living Colour: slap a decent amount

Loverboy: do you not get TURNT the fuck up to the big Loverboy hits? Who hurt you??

Lynyrd Skynyrd: Sweet Home Alabama is a Neil Young diss track

Marshall Tucker Band: no opinion

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band: VERY STRONG OPINIONS THAT THEY AREN’T GOOD

McCartney, Paul/Wings: Power couple

Meatloaf: I have nothing but respect for a man who willingly named himself Meatloaf

Mellencamp, John: voted cutest lesbian of 1987

Metallica: I liked their appearance on Jimmy Fallon

Midnight Oil: I get them confused for Talking Heads a lot

Modern English: who?

Molly Hatchet: Hollies vibes, but also Georgia Satellites vibes

Money, Eddie: DAN AVIDAN, IF YOU SEE THIS, COVER TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT

Motley Crue: Stan Mick Mars and John Corabi. They’re the only ones who deserve it

Mott The Hoople: no one loves them except for David Bowie

Mountain: props for naming an album ‘Climbing’

Nazareth: I want to make a John Mulaney joke here, but I can never come up with one

Nicks, Stevie: witch queen

Night Ranger: I get them confused with Urge Overkill

Nirvana: Kurt Cobain was the ally grunge needed

Nova, Aldo: he’s Canadian, at least

Nugent, Ted: *serves a ghost as jerky*

Offspring: nothing here

Osbourne, Ozzy: this bitch crazy

Outfield: Your Love is kind of a sketchy song, but it slaps hard

Palmer, Robert: low quality Eddie Money

Pearl Jam: *grunts in Eddie Vedder*

Petty, Tom: I have so many feelings about Tom Petty and they are all good

Pink Floyd: which one is Pink?

Plant, Robert: solo career is a crapshoot, but his voice is unparalleled

Poison: I want them to write a song called ‘Alice Cooper’

Pretenders: I want to say good things, but I have nothing to say

Queen: A doctor of astrophysics, a screaming girl, a disco queen and a diva walk into a bar. It’s Queen; they’re there to play a gig

Queensryche: neutral opinion

Quiet Riot: they got big because of a song they hated. I love that

Rafferty, Gerry: the second-sexiest sax opening in all of music

Rainbow: Ritchie Blackmore created something very magnificent

Ram Jam: one good song and they didn’t even write it

Ratt: I’m sure they have more than Round And Round, but I don’t know it

RHCP: funky, but if you have paid money to hear them, you’re going to The Bad Place (I don’t make the rules)

Red Rider: basically Golden Earring

Reed, Lou: Walk On The Wild Side would be such a cool song if it wasn’t so dull

REM: American Tragically Hip

REO Speedwagon: Props for having a dad joke as an album title

Rolling Stones: Never in my life could I imagine the drummer being named anything but Charlie

Rush: How to make being uncool the coolest fucking shit

Santana: The world needs more Santana

Scandal: There’s something really funny about The Warrior being my brother’s “song” with his girlfriend

Scorpions: Was Wind Of Change written by the CIA? Only the spotify podcast I got an ad for once could say

Seger, Bob: A different variety of Eric Clapton (frankly a better variety, but that’s just me)

Simple Minds: we ALL forgot about you

Skid Row: Sebastian Bach is prettier than all of us

Soundgarden: music that makes you feel like you dunked your head underwater

Springsteen, Bruce: my arch-nemesis. Maybe someday, he’ll find out about it

Squeeze: according to my friends, the stupidest band name ever, but they’re theatre kids, so you know

Squier, Billy: If he can make it through 1984 alive, you can make it through whatever bad day you’re having

Stealers Wheel: Yet another band who I always mistake for George Harrison

Steely Dan: my house’s nickname for the Robber in Settlers Of Catan

Steppenwolf: Either makes me think of Jay & Silent Bob, Jack Nicholson, or that time I had to cut 6lbs of onions

Steve Miller Band: when you’re in the right mood, they slap hard

Stewart, Rod: my soundtrack to summer 2015

Stills, Stephen: Love The One You’re With Is Catchy, but the lyrics are questionable

Stone Temple Pilots: the only band to write a song about goo you smear on yourself

Stray Cats: an obscene amount of merch is available for them

Styx: Supernatural would have ruined them for me too if I hadn’t been into them previously.

Supertramp: I hunted for Breakfast In America for two years and it was worth every hunt

Sweet: I will never understand my two-month obsession with Ballroom Blitz when I was 15, but it was legit all I listened to

Talking Heads: you may find yourself in a pizza hut. And you may find yourself in a taco bell. And you may find yourself at the combination pizza hut and taco bell. And you may ask yourself; ‘how did I get here?’

Temple Of The Dog: I keep confusing them for Nazareth

Ten Years After: somehow still relevant

Tesla: not the car or the dude

The Beatles: Evokes a lot of opinions from people. Mine is that I love them

The Clash: I showed my sister the ‘Lock The Taskbar’ vine ONCE and it still kills her

The Doors: evokes teenage terror from deep within my soul

The Guess Who: Canada’s answer to confusing question-themed band names

The Kinks: kinky

The Police: wrote the theme of 2020 and everyone somehow forgot it was about a teacher resisting becoming a pedophile

The Ramones: playing all of their songs in a row wouldn’t take more than 2 hours

The Romantics: you don’t think you know them, but if you’ve seen Shrek 2, you have

The Who: If someone can explain Tommy to me, I’d be glad to hear it

The Zombies: I think they happened because of the 60s

Thin Lizzy: Could the boys maybe leave town?

Thorogood, George: blues, but make it modern

Toto: the most memed song behind All Star

Townshend, Pete: just makes me think of the end of Mr. Deeds

T-Rex: Mark Bolan is an icon

Triumph: The no-name brand of Rush

Tubes: like the yogurt

Twisted Sister: they did a christmas album and my mom does NOT hate it

U2: U2 Movers; we move in mysterious ways

Van Halen: RIP Eddie

Van Morrison: honestly, who’s named Van?

Vaughn, Stevie Ray: Steamy Ray Vaughn

Walsh, Joe: The Smoker You Drink The Player You Get

War: Foghat, but even groovier

Whitesnake: the most successful band to be named after a penis

Wright, Gary: the 90s thanks him for writing the song every movie used for the “guy sees cute girl and it’s love at first sight” scene

Yes: To Be Continued

Young, Neil: The best part of CSNY

Zevon, Warren: the album cover of Excitable Boy makes me deeply uncomfortable for reasons I don’t understand

ZZ Top: has been the same three guys since 1969. Lineup unchanged.

3 Doors Down: They feel a little modern to be on a classic rock station, but whatever

38 Special: Why 38?

#I made this instead of doing homework #Classic Rock #Meme

334 notes · View notes

hlupdate · 5 years ago

Link

Harry Styles is lucky I think he's utterly adorable. He's an hour late and I'm guilt-ridden, missing my puppy's first day at puppy school because of it.

Is this what it's like to be a working mum? Maybe. Styles would be horrified if he knew, I'm certain. He is a man of the people, a self-proclaimed feminist, who could surely sympathise with this working (dog) mum's plight.

They say never meet your heroes in case they turn out to be a disappointment, but maybe they should also say never meet your favourite pop stars in case they turn out to be truly terrible at time management.

I first met Styles alongside four of his teenage friends in 2012. It was just a few years since they'd formed One Direction on The X Factor, and this was their first world tour. They were lined up on chintzy armchairs in the private lounge of a stuffy Auckland hotel. That day, a bit like this one, I spent more time sitting in the hallway waiting for my turn than I did interviewing them.

Barely 18, Styles was clearly the charming one, the one with the floppy hair. Some of his bandmates refused to even say hello but he was warm and quick with a cheeky quip.

It suddenly made sense to me why a young girl, from deep inside the throng of screaming fans camped outside, had begged me to slip him a handwritten note simply saying, "I love you."

Those early days are a lifetime ago, and what happened next is now the stuff of legend. One Direction went on to redefine the term "boy band" for an entire generation. They made five albums in four years, won more than 200 awards, toured the world four times and were ranked as the second-highest earning celebrities in the world by Forbes in 2016, the year after the wheels famously fell off. Zayn Malik left the band in 2015 and eventually One Direction went on a break, the kind with no obvious end date.

It hasn't hurt Styles' rise to fame in the slightest. No, he is the 1D member it's cool for grown-ups to like. He's the 20-something love child of Mick Jagger, David Bowie and Stevie Nicks, pushing the envelope through perfect good pop songs and that cheeky smile.

He has dated famous women (think Kardashian-adjacent Kendall Jenner, and Taylor Swift famously wrote songs about their short-lived relationship), toured the world alone and buddied up with Anna Wintour to host the Met Gala.

Styles' first solo, self-titled album was released in 2017, he's taken up acting, appearing in Christopher Nolan's World War II epic Dunkirk, and co-written songs for the likes of Michael Buble and Ariana Grande.

The shackles of being part of a commercially savvy behemoth are gone, and now his personality is coming to the fore. Maybe his stint in the cookiecutter pop group proved enough self-censorship to last a lifetime, or maybe it's just what happens when you get older – Styles just turned 26 – but these days, the young man from Cheshire can't be bothered to people please any more. Instead, he's simply living.

"I had a dream day recently – well, it was in summer," he says from a chilly New York City.

"I was with some friends and we took bikes down to this little lake and we went swimming and had some food and listened to music and we were in the countryside, and then we biked back from the lake and had dinner, I read a little and went to bed. The times I'm happiest are when I'm surrounded by friends and people I care about, talking."

It was during his last world tour, his first without his former bandmates, that he decided being happy is what was most important, not doing what he thought people – fans, record labels, bandmates – expected of him.

"The best way of describing it was just realising people wanted me to be myself and that's what they came to the show for," he says.

"The last album wasn't necessarily a radio record, but they were still coming to the shows and singing along. It showed they wanted me to be making what I wanted to make – and they wanted to come and join in with that, I guess.

"It's probably more important to be real, I guess, than to be making stuff so people like it. Realising that was a big moment for me."

For Styles that liberation has shown itself in many ways, from openly talking about discovering magic mushrooms (he bit off the tip of his tongue during one session), to embracing a type of gender fluidity in the clothes he wears and the fashion choices he makes. Yes, there are Pinterest boards dedicated to every time he has worn nail polish and no, he doesn't like talking about his own sexual identity, previously telling The Guardian: "It's, who cares? Does that make sense? It's just, who cares?"

Would any of that have been a topic of conversation during his One Direction days? Probably not. But through it all, by tabloid standards, he's remained relatively well-adjusted and scandal-free. Not bad for a kid who, 10 years ago this April, stumbled on to a TV singing show stage aged just 16, and months later was part of the biggest phenomenon to hit pop music in years.

There have been things he has had to learn the hard way, of course, including just how much of himself he really shares with fans. Being a teenager, and suddenly famous, meant there was a time he felt he had to give almost everything – it was simply part of the job.

"When I moved to London and started in music, I was so young, first of all. It wasn't like I knew what was going to happen," he says.

"You are just encouraged to give so much of yourself, and through experiencing different things, I learnt what I liked and what I was comfortable with, and what I didn't like and wasn't comfortable with.

"For me, as things have happened, I go, 'OK, if I give a bit too much of myself away, I don't like it that much.' So, I did it a little bit less and I guess I'm just a lot happier doing it that way.

"And I don't really talk about personal stuff in interviews and stuff, I try and keep that side of my life pretty private. Music, I find it really therapeutic to write that way, it's my outlet for saying how I feel about stuff."

It's a fairly meta experience to have someone you are interviewing tell you, without any aggression or agenda, that they just don't really talk about themselves in interviews, but there it is.

It's not that he's a closed book – he's right, the songs on his latest album, Fine Line, are full of raw emotion about breakups, sex and self-reflection, much more so than other writing he's done. He doesn't want to be that upbeat kid whose job it was to make everyone else comfortable, but equally, he says performing these songs and this side of him will be a special, powerful moment when his Fine Line world tour begins – including a return trip to New Zealand in November.

"I try not to think about the 'putting out' part of the music while I'm making it, and that plays a part in how personal I can get while making it, I guess. I write as if it's for me, and I'm lucky enough to work with a group of people who create an environment where I can be honest and vulnerable when I'm writing.

"And by the time it comes to putting it out, that's when I go, 'Oh, is this too personal?'" he says. "And usually the answer is no, because that's the kind of music I want to make."

#Harry Styles #140320 #stuff nz #stunt mention

14 notes · View notes

stylessemantics · 7 years ago

Text

30 Q’s with Iv

Heyooo it me again. I was tagged by the lovely @queenmestyles and I have to say after reading through her answers I was in shock. It’s uncanny how many of her answers could also be MY answers to the same questions so little Queen get ready to read your own answers back lol.

1. Nicknames?

I have none. My mom calls me cookie and literally no one has come up with a good enough nickname to my crappy name. My name’s just hard to nickname. My friend andrea calls me Nana for some reason and @legend-waitforit-harry is in the middle of calling me Pink Banana which I’m not complaining about lol. Iv isn’t even a thing so...

2. Gender?

Je suis une femme. (why am i trying to speak french?)

3. Star Sign?

Virgo. (VIRGANG)

4. Height?

5’6 which im glad that I finally discovered. Is there a way to make me smaller?

5. Time?

10:30 AM

6. Birthday?

September 14, 1995

7. Favorite bands?

Well: One Direction, The 1975, LANY, The Beatles, JOURNEY, NSP, The Kooks, The Strokes, The Vaccines, Tame Impala, Coldplay, Maroon 5, Tower of Power, Earth Wind and Fire. Foster The People. Gorillaz, Hall and Oates. Cage The Elephant. DNCE, Daft Punk AND MANY MANY MANY MORE.

8. Favorite solo artists?

Harry Styles well duh, Prince, BØRNS, Dua Lipa, Demi Lovato, Michael Buble, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Dylan Gardner, DEAN, Zico, Jordan Gable, Bruno Mars. Nick Jonas. Ella Fitzgerald. George Benson, The Weekend. THERE’S A LOT.

9. Song stuck in my head?

20/20 by The Vaccines IT’S SUCH A FUCKING BOP I RECOMMEND SO HARD ITS ON MY “songs i wish i had written/want to play live” playlist

10. Last movie you watched?

Wonder Woman

11. Last show you watched?

The Good Place or Jane The Virgin. Just got into the good place and had to catch up on Jane, now all i have left is to catch up on Riverdale

12. When did you create your blog?

July 10th 2016. I had another blog before that but never posted on it and then created this from scratch after being inspired by some of my awesome mutuals to write!

13. What do I post?

I reblog a lot, I ramble a lot and mostly Harry Styles related things, and I post a lot of, “PLEASE TALK TO ME” and ask lists because I’m desperate for interaction hah, hah. I’m just lonely.

14. Last thing I googled?

I can’t tell you without giving up personal information so lets go with the thing before that which were Alphabet Aerobics Lyrics.

15. Do you have any other blogs?

Yes i do................. :)

16. Do you get asks?

I HAD THIS DEBATE THE OTHER DAY CAUSE I ACTUALLY DONT GET MANY ASKS OR AS MANY AS I WOULD LOVE TO I JUST LITERALLY JOINED TUMBLR FOR THE INTERACTION AND I DONT REALLY GET MUCH WHICH MAKES ME SAD BUT AT THE SAME TIME I KNOW I DON’T DESERVE IT SO WHEN I DO GET A RANDOM ASK I GET FUCKING PUMPED AND ON THE VERGE OF HAPPY TEARS SO. EXCUSE MY PETTINESS.

17. Why did you choose your url?

I wanted something cool and like funny. Wanted like a word related to harry and then his last name but that didn’t work out so i went with something that i think is basic to languages and slapped it together. It also has a good ring to it and I didn’t hate it meaning I knew I wouldn’t suddenly want to change my URL a week into it which would be a burden.

18. Following?

Not enough people! Recommend me stuff!

19. Followers?

A lot fucking more than I deserve that’s for sure. Like 10 times more.

20. Favorite colors?

Blues, Purple, Green.

21. Average hours of sleep?

I’m just a sad anxiety filled full time daughter who’s just finished college and hasn’t really found a job nor decided what to do with her life after her internship is over. So.... give or take 5-7 hrs? I also binge watch youtube and fall asleep late.

22. Lucky number?

I do not have one.

23. Instruments?

I play ukulele, a little bit of guitar, a little piano and drums, and I sing and write. My parents are full time musicians and I’ve grown up in a music filled home/family/environment and even though im a disappointment cause I don’t play any of these instruments fully, I’m literally alive thanks to music.

24. What am I wearing?

a burgundy sweater, jeans and burgundy shoes. But to add something sexy I do have a burgundy bralette underneath lol.

25. How many blankets do I sleep with?

Just one but it’s like fluffy and sorta thin. It’s too warm over here to sleep with it but I love it. When it’s EXTRA WARM i do just a thin sheet.

26. Dream job?

Concept Creation, Art Direction, Music Video Making, Cinematographer, Illustrator. Music Producer. Singer Songwriter. (these are all titles I dream to have even tho it’s a REACH)

27. Dream vacation?

I would say England but the plan is to LIVE there, not just vacation. So let’s do Brazil (specifically the south and North-east) and Iceland.

28. Favourite food?

Fuck. This is dumb but I really do love cereal. Like... It’s silly for sure but I have no problem eating it for breakfast and dinner everyday. I also love Italian food and sushi and sweets. I just really like food, can’t pick faves. I FUCKING LOVE OREOS.

29. Nationality?

Earthling.

30. Favourite song right now?

IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO CHOOSE. This will change by the minute.

---------------------

So… I tag: @mixed-with-intellect @narrymccartney @icanseeyourholo @cuddlemusclestyles and @stylesinthewild :)

#I was tagged #about me #personal #30 q's #hey!

1 note · View note

roseisread · 7 years ago

Photo

VINYL VIBES: Blossom Dearie Sings Rootin’ Songs

Cold weather is great for digging through the crates of vinyl that have been acquired over the last few months and giving those records a proper, dedicated listen. So today, I bring you a random selection from my collection: Blossom Dearie Sings Rootin’ Songs, which was recorded in 1963 in a partnership with Hires Root Beer.

For the uninitiated, Blossom Dearie was a jazz singer and pianist with a distinctively sweet, breezy vocal style that evoked a youthful innocence and playful spirit. A modern comparison might be made to Zooey Deschanel’s vocal delivery in She & Him, although personally I think Blossom did it better. If you’ve only heard one Dearie song, it’s probably “A Doodlin’ Song” which has been used in a few commercials. However, she’s much more than a novelty act, and her final recording before she died was dedicated to 9/11 victims and survivors, titled “It’s Alright To Be Afraid.” My personal favorite Blossom Dearie tune is in my top ten songs of all time, “I Like You, You’re Nice,” which would have fit nicely on the soundtrack of Richard Linklater’s Before Sunset. So on to the album at hand. Up to this point, Blossom Dearie had recorded exclusively for Verve, a jazz label, and was known primarily as a jazz singer. This album saw her crossing over into the pop realm, and covering the big hits of the day. It’s very up tempo and one could imagine hearing it in the background of a Mad Men episode. Just the opening bossa nova shuffle of “Days of Wine and Roses” makes me want to summon the nearest bartender to whip me up Tom Collins or San Martin. Track 2, “I Left My Heart in San Francisco,” was ten years old by the time Blossom got around to recording her version, but it had been a hit the year before thanks to one Mr. Tony Bennett. It’s hard to touch Tony’s signature song, but I do love the subtle vibrato and unique phrasing of Blossom’s take. Unfortunately for both Tony and Blossom, a human can never equal the wonders of a parrot named Pancho, who recorded his own version of this song and forever established that it belongs to him. I strongly urge you to give Pancho’s version a listen, because it will change your life. And yes, I do own his version on vinyl. I wasn’t familiar with “I Wanna Be Around” before I gave this a spin, but I dig its shade-throwing vengeance vibes. “I wanna be around... when she breaks your heart to bits; that’s when I’ll discover that revenge is sweet when I sit there applaudin’ from a front row seat,” sings Blossom. Turns out this song was penned by a hairstylist from Ohio who sent it to Johnny Mercer and he retooled it for the likes of Tony Bennett and Brenda Lee. It apparently has an eternal appeal, as evidenced by Michael Buble including it on his latest album. Next up we have “The Sweetest Sounds,” from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella. It occurs to me that Blossom Dearie would’ve been an adorable Cinderella, though I don’t know if she ever tried her hand at acting. Blossom infuses a real melancholy to her version of “The Good Life,” another Tony Bennett tune, with lines like “The good life lets you hide all the sadness you feel/You won’t really fall in love for you can’t take the chance.” The way she sings it, you can’t help but wonder if this song holds personal meaning for her. I adore “Lazy Hazy Days of Summer” no matter who sings it. I’m personally partial to Nat King Cole’s rendition, which came out the same year as this album. Blossom gives it a lot of pep, and the imagery of a summer picnic with beer and bikinis really comes to life as you hear her voice cascading along over a lively piano accompaniment. Side A summation: A fun throwback to the early 60s, with a tinge of Blossom’s dark side coming through on a couple tracks. As we flip the record over, Side B starts with another bossa nova track, “Desafinado.” This tune mourns a love that has turned lukewarm, but holds out hope that there could be a chance for recovery yet. “We used to harmonize, two souls in perfect time/Now the song is different and the words don't even rhyme,” goes one of the saddest lines. For me, the musical accompaniment doesn’t quite match up to the mood of the lyrics; but I’d love to hear a version with just Blossom and her piano as she muses about this mellowing romance. The Stan Getz/Antonio Carlos Jobim version is probably the most famous, but I love Ella Fitzgerald’s take on it. “Our Day Will Come” was originally by Ruby & the Romantics, and if the title sounds familiar, Amy Winehouse recorded it as well (although her version wasn’t released til after she passed away--it’s an outtake from the Frank sessions, and ended up on her Lioness collection). There’s a little too much flute in this version for my liking... but I do love the sweetness and teenage lovestruck feeling of the lyrics, which Blossom translates very well with her vocals.

Blossom’s version of Frank Sinatra’s “Fly Me To the Moon” is so unlike the original that I didn’t recognize it til the chorus. It’s slowed down and intimate, with the kind of yearning not even Ol’ Blue Eyes could capture. Here, it almost sounds like a torch ballad to an unrequited love. I’d say this is the highlight of the entire album, and if I were making a movie about forbidden love, I’d find a way to include this tune. Next up we have “I’ve Got Your Number,” a swinging tune that Tony Bennett also recorded (this could be a Bennett tribute album, as it turns out), which calls out a love interest in a knowing way with a bit of sass. “You ain’t no Eagle Scout,” she sings. “You brag a lot, but you’re unsure a lot, like me.” The sing-songy style of this tune reminds me of “Sixteen Going on Seventeen″ from The Sound of Music, which of course means I’m a fan. I can’t seem to find Blossom’s version on YouTube, but you should definitely give a listen to this awesome cover by Jill Sobule. The introspective, existential sadness of “What Kind of Fool Am I” could end up sounding cheesy and overwrought in the wrong hands, but Blossom keeps it real and raw as she sings lines like, “A lonely cell in which an empty heart must dwell“--I mean, this line on its own is akin to Winona Ryder’s proclamation in Beetlejuice that her “whole life is a dark room, a big, dark room.” And yet, Blossom brings depth and tenderness to this self-loathing ballad. Unfortunately this track is not available online, but for a very different yet equally gorgeous cover, be sure to look up Filipino singer Regine Velasquez. The album closes with “He Loves Me,” a track that rivals “I Will Possess Your Heart” and “Every Breath You Take” for Best Stalker Song. I mean, Mel from Flight of the Conchords should have this as her theme song. Just check out some of these lines: “He loves me/True he doesn’t show it--how could he when he doesn’t know it” and “My teeth ache from the urge to touch him... it won’t be long now before my love discovers that he and I are lovers/Imagine how surprised he’s bound to be!” All the stalker vibes aside, I actually really love this song and Blossom sings it in such a non-creepy way that I’m willing to accept she is just in love and hoping her secret lover will realize how adorable she is any minute now. Also, this song just happens to originate from the Broadway musical of the same name, and that musical has its roots in the same source material that beget one of my favorite films, The Shop Around the Corner (as well as its modern-day counterpart You’ve Got Mail. So I think in that context, it’s actually a sweet sentiment rather than a bunny boiler. Side B summation: A couple duds but overall a more interesting and varied collection of tunes than side A, delving into some more psychologically fragile territory. So there you have it! Thanks to Hires Root Beer for making this album happen, and thanks to the Discogs Record Fair for helping me get my happy little hands on it at a bargain price. What have you been listening to lately? Leave me a note with your recommendations.

1 note · View note

theworstbob · 8 years ago

Text

every grammy for record of the year settled

another installment of what is slowly becoming a series of me pointing at things i’m mostly okay with and making simple jokes instead of writing actual things. i have six rough drafts of fictional shorts i said i wanted to post by the end of january and now its february 11th and fuck, dude, but this is so much easier!

1959 "Catch a Falling Star," by Perry Como "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)," by David Seville "Fever," by Peggy Lee "Witchcraft," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)," by Domenico Modugno

This field actually sets the tone for all the future Grammy categories to come. There's 2 songs that are really fucking good, there's one person who's here because they have a reputation as a person who is popular, there's some fucking awful bullshit that we're only going to remember in five years because it's, y'know, fucking awful bullshit, and then the winner is some obscure nonsense that sort of renders the whole operation moot, like if in 2007 the Oscar for Best Picture went to Chumscrubber, or if the Falcons won the Super Bowl. Peggy Lee/Frank Sinatra : Beyonce/Rihanna+Drake :: Perry Como : Adele, David Seville : Lukas Graham :: Domenico Modugno : twenty one pilots.

Yeah the winner is "Fever." I'm not looking to re-invent the wheel here, the best song of these five is "Fever," like are you kidding me, "Fever." "Fever," guys. "Catch a Falling Star" is a relic of an era where all we wanted from male pop stars was for them to be a gentle father in a sweater to say he's proud of us, "Witchcraft" goes but its only failure is that it's not "Fever," hahaha they actually thought "The Chipmunk Song" would stand the test of time, and "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)?" Fuck outta here, "Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu (Volare)." I have nothing to say to you. What are you? I don't care. You're not "Fever." Also I immediately regret this exercise because now I'm just angry I'm alive in era where songs don't have horn sections. Someone give me a big band cover of "Closer." Yeah I know Postmodern Jukebox did "Closer" BUT THEY DIDN'T DO IT THE WAY I WANTED. DO IT AGAIN.

TRUE ENDING: "Fever"

1960 "A Fool Such as I," by Elvis Presley "High Hopes," by Frank Sinatra "Like Young," by Andre Previn "The Three Bells," by The Browns WINNER: "Mack the Knife," by Bobby Darin

Im going to give Andre Previn a shitton of extra credit here for apparently naming his album Secret Songs for Young Lovers, which is a simply killer album title. Like I think only Mitski's Bury Me at Makeout Creek can stand up to that title. I'm also giving it extra credit for being an instrumental, that's just refreshing. It still only adds up to a strong second, I'm not here to be contrarian (yet), they got it right, but yo, Andre Previn! You seem chill.

TRUE ENDING: "Mack the Knife"

1961 "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" by Elvis Presley "Georgia on My Mind," by Ray Charles "Mack the Knife," by Ella Fitzgerald "Nice 'n Easy," by Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Theme from A Summer Place," by Percy Faith

Hey! Black people! I legitimately was worried we wouldn't see them for another few years, but hey, they got an early invite (relative to American history)! I like that "Mack the Knife" was nominated again. It makes me wish that, last year, both Tay Tay's "Blank Space" and the indie dudebro's "Blank Space" cover had been nominated simultaneously. When you type "Georgia on My Mind" into the YouTube search bar, suggested searches include "Ludacris," "Willie Nelson," and "Michael Buble," and that is one person away from being a party I'd like to attend. I really want to give this to "Mack the Knife" again because I think that'd be funny, and I, an ignoramus, shouted "YO THIS IS THAT SONG?" the second I heard "Theme from A Summer Place," I've heard that used as a music cue in a billion comedies, that song is iconic, but the winner is "Georgia on My Mind." That song won an Oscar for Jamie Foxx.

TRUE ENDING: "Georgia on My Mind"

1962 "Big Bad John," by Jimmy Dean "The Second Time Around," by Frank Sinatra "Take Five," by The Dave Brubeck Quartet "(Up a) Lazy River," by Si Zentner WINNER: "Moon River," by Henry Mancini

"Big Bad John" just makes me angry that country music used to feel legit and dangerous, and nowadays Brantley Gilbert thinks he's an outlaw because he has a tattoo honoring the 2nd Amendment (a law). I promised myself I wouldn't turn any one part of this into an extended treatise on bro country, but it's not extended if I keep it to two sentences, however compounded they may be! Anyhoo. These are five decidedly not-unpleasant songs by five white dudes. I understand I'm making an assumption about Si Zentner here, but it's 1962. People were still wearing hats in this season of Mad Men, I think it's a safe assumption. I think. I dunno. I think? Yeah, fuck it, "Take Five," that had a pretty boss drum section. Imagine listening to every song made in 1961 and thinking, "Yes. These. I love these five songs." "Stand By Me" was the biggest hit of the year. "Runaway" was number two, I'm pretty sure that was a banger, and if not at least it couldn't be worse than these five. "Hit the Road Jack." "Crying." "Shop Around." "Crazy." Hey guys I just made a hot discovery, I think solely using the Grammy nominees for Record of the Year does not an accurate snapshot of music history provide.

TRUE ENDING: It doesn't matter because it can't be "Stand By Me," but "Take Five" I guess

1963 "Desafinado," by Stan Getz & Charlie Byrd "Fly Me to the Moon Bossa Nova," by Joe Harnell and His Orchestra "I Can't Stop Loving You," by Ray Charles "What Kind of Fool Am I?" by Sammy Davis Jr. WINNER: "I Left My Heart in San Francisco," by Tony Bennett

You can pick up some interesting tidbits from music history, though, such as the fact conductors would have "and their orchestra" in their name. I'd be so much more okay with the state of things, as they are, if The Chainsmokers would start going by The Chainsmokers and Their Soundboard. I don't mean to impugn The Chainsmokers' ability as songwriters, I'd listen to "Closer" a million times before I gave any of these songs another spin, I would just prefer more accuracy in my song attribution. Also the extra credit "Like Young" got for being an instrumental is waning. I could have listened to "Run Up" five times. That's what I could have done with these twenty minutes. ...At least they didn't nominate "The Monster Mash." It wouldn't have been without precedent! They could have nominated "The Monster Mash." No matter how bad it is, it can always get worse.

TRUE ENDING: "I Can't Stop Loving You"

1964 "Dominique," by The Singing Nun "Happy Days Are Here Again," by Barbra Streisand "I Wanna Be Around," by Tony Bennett "Wives and Lovers," by Jack Jones WINNER: "Days of Wine and Roses," by Henry Mancini

when do the 1960s get to the seasons of mad men with stan in them. oh okay hi there "wives and lovers" aren't you horrible. what a blast from the past you are. why am i doing this. fuck it.

TRUE ENDING: "Dominique"

1965 "Downtown," by Petula Clark "Hello, Dolly!" by Louis Armstrong "I Want to Hold Your Hand," by The Beatles "People," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "The Girl from Ipanema," by Astrud Gilberto & Stan Getz

HERE. WE. FUCKING. GO. Holy shit. Up-tempo music! Songs I wouldn't only ever listen to in hotel lobbies, that aren't all the exact same ballad! What good fortune! We can actually have a fun debate over which of these songs was actually the best! Sort of. I mean. Just in terms of cultural impact, it's "I Want to Hold Your Hand." I wouldn't dare argue that "I Want to Hold Your Hand" isn't a historically significant song. But "Downtown" is just a nice song about going to the city and seeing a moviefilm, "Hello, Dolly!" is just a wonderful little ditty which brings to mind Freakazoid, "People," erm, and "The Girl from Ipanema" is about as surreal as it gets when you're talking about Record of the Year nominees. And we're not talking about cultural impact, y'know? (At least for now, this is gonna go all over the place.) We're talking about my shitty opinion which, here, overlaps with that of the Grammys in this instance. "The Girl from Ipanema" is dope.

TRUE ENDING: "The Girl from Ipanema"

1966 "Yesterday," by The Beatles "The 'In' Crowd," by The Ramsey Lewis Trio "King of the Road," by Roger Miller "The Shadow of Your Smile," by Tony Bennett WINNER: "A Taste of Honey," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

It sounds like taking the easy way out to pick what is widely recognized as the best song ever made by what is widely recognized as the best rock band of all time, but. Um. It's really hard to argue for the other four songs here. You could, in a vacuum, almost make an argument for "The 'In' Crowd?" But I'm at the point in this project where I am completely okay with the idea of never hearing a jazz instrumental ever again. Also I regret being mean to Barbra Streisand the last two years, you're right, those jokes were unair, she's a national treasure and I miss the days when true theatre kids could score Record of the Year noms. The only representation theatre kids get in pop music these days is Tay Tay, and that's disappointing. Anyhoo, yeah, fucking "Yesterday." Whatever.

TRUE ENDING: "Yesterday"

1967 "Almost Persuaded," by David Houston "Monday, Monday," by The Mamas & the Papas "What Now My Love," by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass "Winchester Cathedral," by The New Vaudeville Band WINNER: "Strangers in the Night," by Frank Sinatra

One positive from this experience is that all the Mario Maker videos that YouTube had been recommending to me for months are being replaced with songs from the '60s YouTube thinks I might enjoy. Lemme talk about my YouTube recommendations window for a hot second because it’s gone through some shit to get me to watch Mario Maker content. There was a chain. Like, carlsagan42, I could understand, I'd watched AGDQ VODs that featured him, YouTube knew I liked speedrunning and Let's Plays of Mario Maker, here's this guy. And GrandPooBear, that was fair, he was in AGDQ, he seemed like a chill dude, it made sense I would enjoy him, too. But now it's recommending just random dudes to me. "Here's a white dude with a beard playing carlsagan's troll level!" Alright, I guess I fuck with him, he seems chill. "Hey! We found this white dude with a beard playing that white dude with a beard's troll level!" Wh - okay, this is, why is his display name Japanese, I don't, why are y "Here's a dude who just plays troll levels!" GREAT, WHY. WHY DID HE MAKE A CAREER OF DOING THAT. These songs are uninspiring, is what I'm saying. In 1966, notable releases (according to Wikipedia so who actually knows but I'ma go with it) include "The Sound of Silence," "Uptight (Everything's Alright)," "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," "When a Man Loves a Woman," "Paint it Black," "You Can't Hurry Love," "It's a Man's Man's Man's World," "I Got You (I Feel Good)," "Good Vibrations," "I'm a Believer," and "You Keep Me Hanging On." "Ain't Too Proud to Beg." "God Only Knows!" I listened to "Winchester Cathedral." None of these songs deserve any recognition.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Monday, Monday" but legit who could find it in them to care

1968 "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," by Glen Campbell "My Cup Runneth Over," by Ed Ames "Ode to Billie Joe," by Bobbie Gentry "Somethin' Stupid," by Nancy Sinatra & Frank Sinatra WINNER: "Up, Up and Away," by The 5th Dimension

R E S P-E C T No but like legit there was one year where it sounded like the Grammys were finally over the '50s. Ah, but no! No. ...The world had "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" in 1967. Fucking, a version of "Try a Little Tenderness" dropped in 1967. AND THEY HAD "MY CUP RUNNETH OVER." I AM APPALLED. I AM AGHAST. THIS I -- man, fuck this awards show in particular. I'm giving this to "Ode to Billie Joe" because it's the only song of this bunch I feel I'm being unfair to by bringing up better songs. That song holds its own. It's dark, it's grim, it fucks you up in all the right ways. It's the rare song that feels dated because it's so far ahead of its genre's current game. And I guess I'm down with "Up, Up and Away," too, sure, yeah, whatever, I'm down for a nice song about balloon rides. Everything else, tho. Especially "Somethin' Stupid." Wow. That sure is a thing that happened. That sure is a thing multiple people thought was a great idea! My stars.

TRUE ENDING: "Ode to Billie Joe"

1969 "Harper Valley PTA," by Jeannie C. Riley "Hey Jude," by The Beatles "Honey," by Bobby Goldsboro "Wichita Lineman," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Mrs. Robinson," by Simon & Garfunkel

In back-to-back years, country songs performed by women were nominated for Record of the Year and subsequently adopted into feature-length films. Country music used to own, is the primary takeaway from this exercise so far. Anyhoo. I'm not gonna judge these nominees by what they could have been, because it's not necessarily these songs' fault they're not the songs that actually define this era of American history. They're nice, safe songs, and it's totally understandable why a committee wouldn't disagree with making these the five songs they wanted to present to an increasingly discomfited public for their good-time parade of nice-seeming celebrity. I don't know why I expected an awards show to lead any kind of movement in the late 1960s, it's not their job now and it certainly wasn't then, but I thought I'd at least be getting jams from the past. I got the worst Beatles song and "My Cup Runneth Over."

TRUE ENDING: "Harper Valley PTA"

1970 "A Boy Named Sue," by Johnny Cash "Is That All There Is?" by Peggy Lee "A Time for Us," by Henry Mancini "Spinning Wheel," by Blood, Sweat & Tears WINNER: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In," by The 5th Dimension

Well, this is the least disappointing batch of nominees in years! These songs are more than unobjectionable. "A Boy Named Sue" and "Is That All There Is?" and "Aquarius" are all unimpeachable. Picking one of those three is rough, but honestly I'm just stoked to have a hard choice to make. ...I almost want to go with "A Boy Named Sue" just so I don't have to agree with the Grammys after slagging on them so much, but like "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In." Like, I have a vision of what the 1970s sounded like, and I just typed I had a vision of what something sounded like and I need to like take a walk or drink a water or something. Take a moment, take a breath, come back stronger.

TRUE ENDING: "Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In"

1971

"(They Long to Be) Close to You," by The Carpenters "Everything is Beautiful," by Ray Stevens "Fire and Rain," by James Taylor "Let It Be," by The Beatles WINNER: "Bridge Over Troubled Water," by Simon & Garfunkel

...OK I'm not into any of these so let's just list other notable songs that were likely released in 1970. "ABC." "Big Yellow Taxi." "Black Magic Woman." "Express Yourself." "Get Up (I Feel Like Being a) Sex Machine." "I WANT YOU BACK." They nominated a song which explicitly states that everything is beautiful and ignored the song which provides IRREFUTABLE FUCKING PROOF the world is beautiful. We're not done. "Lola." "The Letter." "Paranoid." "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS." NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. ONLY THE GREATEST FUCKING SONG OF ALL TIME. THAT HAS NO PLACE IN THE GRAMMYS! WHY SHOULD IT? THERE'S TOO MANY BALLADS IN THE WORLD FOR US TO PAY "SIGNED, SEALED, DELIVERED I'M YOURS" ANY MIND. Shit. I dunno. How could I possibly know.

TRUE ENDING: "(They Long to Be) Close to You"

1972 "Joy to the World," by Three Dog Night "My Sweet Lord," by George Harrison "Theme from Shaft," by Isaac Hayes "You've Got a Friend," by James Taylor WINNER: "It's Too Late," by Carole King

OH HELL YES. I can get behind this field, which is to say: I am getting behind the theme from Shaft. "Joy to the World" is lovably loony, I'm not about to speak ill of Carole King, "My Sweet Lord" is about as good a song like that as you're ever gonna find, but Shaft. Shaft, y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Theme from Shaft"

1973 "Alone Again (Naturally)," by Gilbert O'Sullivan "American Pie," by Don McLean "Song Sung Blue," by Neil Diamond "Without You," by Harry Nilsson WINNER: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face," by Roberta Flack

"Superstition." I honestly don't get what Kanye hopes to accomplish by boycotting the Grammys when the Grammys couldn't give "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours" or "Superstition" their due. What even was that Gilbert O'Sullivan nonsense. Criminy. This is, this is just who they are, y'know? Neil Diamond sings the blues. That most iconic blues performer, Neil Diamond. They get no points for giving the trophy to Roberta Flack. Roberta Flack is something we can all agree on, you don't get a PhD in astronomy for pointing at the sun and saying "that's a bright ol' star!" and you don't get credence as a song-recognizing function for recognizing Roberta Flack made a good song.

TRUE ENDING: "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"

1974 "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown," by Jim Croce "Behind Closed Doors," by Charlie Rich "You Are the Sunshine of My Life," by Stevie Wonder "You're So Vain," by Carly Simon WINNER: "Killing Me Softly with His Song," by Roberta Flack

I. I don't WANT to agree with this terrible program twice in a row. I'm glad to see Stevie eventually got a make-up nom, but I don't really feel that song too deeply (at least, judged against the rest of his catalogue; this would be the best song Gilbert O'Sullivan ever made by a country-ass mile), and no that doesn't make any sense but I've listened to 16 years' worth of songs the Grammys think are good, I'm not in a good place right now. I could easily say "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown" takes it, it's a great song, it wouldn't be that b -- but "Killing Me Softly with His Song," though! Am I sort of giving it the nod because of The Fugees' version? Yes, but, see, The Fugees' version doesn't get nominated, so.

TRUE ENDING: "Killing Me Softly with His Song"

1975 "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me," by Elton John "Feel Like Makin' Love," by Roberta Flack "Help Me," by Joni Mitchell "Midnight at the Oasis," by Maria Muldaur WINNER: "I Honestly Love You," by Olivia Newton-John

...I mean. I sort of decided to make Roberta Flack a hero today after spending a lifetime not thinking of her that often? But I spent the entire 1960s listening to jazz compositions and friendly dads giving me life advice. "Feel Like Makin' Love" is, when considering the scale of this project, like breathing in skunkless country air after a lifetime in the city. Which isn't to say "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" isn't the class of the pop sub-genre Songs Clay Aiken Can Capably Perform, or that "Help Me" isn't a jam. Just, Roberta Flack made three nice songs, and that makes this project worth pursuing somehow, no matter how many times I have to listen to blondes whisper about how much they love someone.

TRUE ENDING: "Feel Like Makin' Love"

1976 "At Seventeen," by Janis Ian "Lyin' Eyes," by Eagles "Mandy," by Barry Manilow "Rhinestone Cowboy," by Glen Campbell WINNER: "Love Will Keep Us Together," by Captain & Tennille

the best song i heard in this batch was the five seconds of rock guitar in the miller lite ad that presaged "rhinestone cowboy." i mean, on its own, "rhinestone cowboy" would have been the true ending, but that five seconds of guitar the youtube advertising algorithm attached to the beginning pushed it over the top.

TRUE ENDING: "Rhinestone Cowboy"

1977 "Afternoon Delight," by Starland Vocal Band "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover," by Paul Simon "I Write the Songs," by Barry Manilow "If You Leave Me Now," by Chicago WINNER: "This Masquerade," by George Benson

...So, it's been a while, right, since we complained that what was presented to us isn't what it could've been? But since a clear novelty song about bangin' when the sun's out was given a nod, let's see what else 1976 had to offer. Hm, well, the two biggest hits of the year were "Dancing Queen" and "Bohemian Rhapsody." Those aren't too egregious, assuming your standard for egregious is "Signed, Sealed Delivered I'm Yours." Which is to say, if you're dead inside, those aren't notable omissions. "Baby, I Love Your Way" is as basic as anything in this field, but I think people remember that as an Actually Good song, so I'ma bring that up. "I Wish!" "The Rubberband Man" is the best song about a fat man playing his body as an instrument you're ever like to hear. "Squeeze Box" was the centerpoint of one of the better Freaks & Geeks scenes. I'm listening to "I Write the Songs." Everyone who thinks the past is better is wrong. "I Write the Songs” is a less self-aware version of "7 Years." "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" is acceptable, I guess. It was compelling, and it grabbed my attention. I think "This Masquerade" had its moments, but "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" had me. I dunno. I think it's just bad that I, a music history simpleton, could come up with a viable ROTY field with like half a minute of looking at Wikipedia. Hell, I'm gonna go ahead and be super unfair and judge the Grammys for not seeing into the future and seeing all the dope tweets about "The Boys Are Back in Town."

TRUE ENDING: "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover"

1978 "Blue Bayou," by Linda Rondstadt "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue," by Crystal Gayle "Evergreen (Love Theme from A Star Is Born)," by Barbra Streisand "You Light Up My Life," by Debby Boone WINNER: "Hotel California," by Eagles

I'm going to give this year props for featuring four songs performed by women in the ROTY field. Remember my alt-nominee field from last year? The only women in that field were in ABBA. So at least the Grammys got this right, ignore the racial composition of this field DON'T THINK TOO HARD ABOUT IT, and then it would be until 1999 that the Grammys would have another year with a 4:1 female:male ratio in this category. Anyway, "Blue Bayou." If that surprises you, you haven't been paying attention.

TRUE ENDING: "Blue Bayou"

1979 "Baker Street," by Gerry Rafferty "Feels So Good," by Chuck Mangione "Stayin' Alive," by Bee Gees "You Needed Me," by Anne Murray WINNER: "Just the Way You Are," by Billy Joel

...i thought we were done with jazz instrumentals. another fool am i. Anyway fuck everything in this world that isn't the sax solo in "Baker Street" for not being the sax solo in "Baker Street." See that song is basically a jazz instrumental, but,,, the sax solo in "Baker Street" is maybe the greatest thing that's ever been? Also let's just note how the first disco song nominated for Record of the Year is by three white dudes. Dope. History is cool. But at least we have the sax solo from "Baker Street" to keep us warm.

TRUE ENDING: "Baker Street"

1980 "After the Love Has Gone," by Earth, Wind and Fire "I Will Survive," by Gloria Gaynor "The Gambler," by Kenny Rogers "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," by Barbra Streisand & Neil Diamond WINNER: "What a Fool Believes," by The Doobie Brothers

listen, i took some time off to do other things, and then i woke up at two am this morning and said, "let's continue this fool's errand!" and i made it through a few years and now it's two hours later and i am interesting in selecting the INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS CHOICE and moving on

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Survive"

1981 "The Rose," by Bette Midler "Lady," by Kenny Rogers "Theme from New York, New York," by Frank Sinatra "Woman in Love," by Barbra Streisand WINNER: "Sailing," by Christopher Cross

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow. um. i mean, 1980 isn't a particularly inspiring year? but got.DAMN this field is so bad "escape (the pina colada song)" has a viable claim to snub status. how did this awards show survive? how did we never do better than this? are we just committed to not being into the american music awards?

TRUE ENDING: "Woman in Love"

1982 "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," by Christopher Cross "(Just Like) Starting Over," by John Lennon "Endless Love," by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie "Just the Two of Us," by Grover Washington, Jr. with Bill Withers "Bette Davis Eyes," by Kim Carnes

I've listened to two Christopher Cross songs and "Endless Love" before having any coffee, which was a mistake. We're at this weird point in history where my unearned nostalgia doesn't exist because I'm pretty sure the '80s were mostly terrible, and the Grammys aren't 1981 bad because I get a chance to shout out Bill Withers (which I'm sure he totally appreciates, this sort of seems like something that wouldn't insult his very being, is some asshat pointing out how great he is in a whole entire piece where nothing of substance is ever said), but they're still really fuckin' bad. Also ignore what I said about the '80s being terrible because fuckin' "9 to 5" was dropped this year, as was "Don't Stop Believin'!" They selected John Lennon's best Queen impression. Dead Kennedys released a song called "Nazi Punks Fuck Off!" in 1981. That classic is, somehow, timeless.

TRUE ENDING: "Just the Two of Us"

1983 "Steppin' Out," by Joe Jackson "Ebony and Ivory," by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder "Always on My Mind," by Willie Nelson "Chariots of Fire," by Vangelis WINNER: "Rosanna," by Toto

As alluded to above, I am a card-carrying member of something I guess I have to call Poo Nation. (There is no card, regrettably.) I'd have to check the rules, but I am pretty sure I'm not allowed to besmirch the good name of Toto, even if the song in question is not "Africa." I think "Steppin' Out" might've been a good true ending in an alternate universe, and it's hard to deny "Chariots of Fire" is legendary (if anything has to be the last instrumental I hear while doing this, I'm glad it was that), but I'm not tryna incur anyone's wrath here. Also, hey, here's Stevie Wonder and Willie Nelson, getting makeup nods for lesser tracks. "Ebony and Ivory," that's just a more prestigious version of "Accidental Racist." No one should feel good about that song. But the first six seconds of Rosanna, that's a sort of "pinnacle of human achievement" thing, that's something we should put in a museum.

TRUE ENDING: "Rosanna"

1984 "Flashdance... What a Feeling," by Irene Cara "Every Breath You Take," by The Police "All Night Long (All Night)," by Lionel Richie "Maniac," by Michael Sembello WINNER: "Beat It!" by Michael Jackson

Wh... What is this? What just happened? A whole five songs I've listened to outside the context of this project? Songs which all still endure to this day? A winner that could actually stake a claim as the most iconic song of 1983? The Grammys! It's like you just took off your glasses and did your hair all fancy and showed up to prom, and I'm just like, oh shit, the theatre dork was actually hot all along! Did we find it? Did we find the turning point? Did Flashdance provide the turning point? Is that the movie musical you guys watched and thought, "Oh shit, this music actually kind of goes, I think we oughta get with the times?" /looks at the next year/ IT IS! Bless you, Flashdance. Bless this change you provoked in the Grammys. I'm not about to do something silly like not pick "Beat It!" but I will at least acknowledge that you are phenomenal and were the true spark that ignited the Grammys and also no one involved in your production ever fucked any kids, probably.

TRUE ENDING: "Beat It!"

1985 "Hard Habit to Break," by Chicago "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," by Cyndi Lauper "The Heart of Rock 'n Roll," by Huey Lewis and the News "Dancing in the Dark," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

hm. it's such a tight field we have here. not a one clear standout in this bunch. i don't know. this is a tough choice. i'm sure glad i wasn't a voting member in 1985. imagine seeing the choice laid before you and slowly having the impossibility of the task ahead dawn on you. what a daunting prospect. (tell ya what tho, "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" is a strong-as-hell second place, and "Dancing in the Dark" is possibly the strongest bronze.)

TRUE ENDING: "What's Love Got to Do with It," by Tina Turner

1986 "Money for Nothing," by Dire Straits "The Boys of Summer," by Don Henley "The Power of Love," by Huey Lewis & the News "Born in the U.S.A.," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "We Are the World," by USA for Africa

oh praise ra i actually get to break from the grammys So I think "The Power of Love" is solid, I think it'd be hard to find someone who'd say they have any sort of disagreement with this sound. "Born in the U.S.A." is similarly a classic. I love how The Other Side keeps trying to repurpose it as a rousing anthem for them when it is an absolutely scathing indictment of what has become of the American working class. It's such a self-own, playing this song at Republican conventions, and I love it every time it happens. You think they'd have learned how to process subtlety by now! But: I am not attached to "Born in the U.S.A." too deeply beyond that. As an emokid straight outta the mid-aughts (hey there goes my claim to any valid political opinion! later, bro!), have a special connection to "Boys of Summer," tho. Is Don Henley's version The Ataris' version? No. It is not. But we set the precedent in the Roberta Flack threepeat that, even though this is Record of the Year, we will recognize the power of the composition. We also must acknowledge that "Money for Nothing" is the absolute fucking worst.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boys of Summer"

1987 "Sledgehammer," by Peter Gabriel "Greatest Love of All," by Whitney Houston "Addicted to Love," by Robert Palmer "That's What Friends Are For," by Dionne Warwick & Friends WINNER: "Higher Love," by Steve Winwood

One other notable change, apart from the fact the songs are now actual songs that I can imagine people casually listening to in the era in which they were released: these songs are fucking long. You go back to the first Grammys, I don't think any songs lasted past 3:15, and now we have "Sledgehammer," which lasts five minutes. All the songs from the 1986 field were five minutes long. It sort of feels like we've trimmed the excess in our modern era, because my reaction to all these songs is, "Alright, I'm feeling this one! I am grooving! ...Okay, I've grooved. I've felt it. You can go now. No, you can g -- oh, more? OK, cool, I guess that's cool." Except "Addicted to Love." That's a positively breezy four minutes, and it holds the attention the entire time. It's slightly leery? It's kind of "Blurred Lines"y? But it's not overtly gross that it's unworthy of celebration!

TRUE ENDING: "Addicted to Love"

1988 "La Bamba," by Los Lobos "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," by U2 "Luka," by Suzanne Vega "Back in the High Life Again," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Graceland," by Paul Simon

...Yeah, fuck it, "La Bamba," I don't like that the choice I have to make is a cover of a '50s hit, but HASHTAG GRAMMYS, amirite. Time to look at Wikipedia because the Grammys have displeased me! ...OK, so there's "I Wanna Dance with Somebody." "Alone" has been a stable of reality singing competitions for thirty years, now! "Bad" woulda been acceptable. "Don't Dream It's Over" may not be the most notable tune in the world, but unlike eventual champion "La Bamba," it was made in 1987. "UM "FAITH" HOW ABOUT?! "The Final Countdown" is listed as a 1987 single and I get why it wouldn't get ROTY love but I would be remiss not to point out its presence on the list. Who doen't love "(I Just) Died in Your Arms?" LL Cool J coulda gotten some hype, I'm not gonna pretend to be familiar with '80s rap but that's a name I know. "Need You Tonight" got INXS a reality show 20 years later. WHAT THE FUCK YOU COULD'VE EASILY REPLACED "LA BAMBA" WITH "RHYTHM IS GONNA GET YOU." "Welcome to the Jungle" is a metal song, sure, but you're gonna tell me that's less influential than "Graceland?" Also I changed my mind because I forgot how fucking good "Luka" is.

TRUE ENDING: "Luka."

1989 "Giving You the Best That I Got," by Anita Baker "Fast Car," by Tracy Chapman "Man in the Mirror," by Michael Jackson "Roll with It," by Steve Winwood WINNER: "Don't Worry, Be Happy," by Bobby McFerrin

I commend "Don't Worry, By Happy" for laying the foundation for maybe the greatest Key & Peele sketch, and I'm loathe to pick two unrelentingly sad songs about good people in awful situations in a row, but, like, "Fast Car." "Fast Car," y'all.

TRUE ENDING: "Fast Car"

1990 "The End of the Innocence," by Don Henley "She Drives Me Crazy," by Fine Young Cannibals "We Didn't Start the Fire," by Billy Joel "The Living Years," by Mike + the Mechanics WINNER: "Wind Beneath My Wings," by Bette Midler

So apparently the two things I liked about the 1980s are the kitschy one-hit-wonder-y singles that are completely of their times, and the songs about horrifying tragedies. But y'know what at least those were closer to the vision of '80s music I had in my head than the options from the '70s were to ‘70s music. I don't know if that sentence makes sense. I've listened to a lot of bad and/or trashy music. For no reason. When was the last time I asked why I was doing this? I would like to ask that question again: why am I doing this

TRUE ENDING: "She Drives Me Crazy"

1991 "Vision of Love," by Mariah Carey "U Can't Touch This," by MC Hammer "From a Distance," by Bette Midler "Nothing Compares 2 U," by Sinead O'Connor WINNER: "Another Day in Paradise," by Phil Collins

MC Hammer has more ROTY nominations as a performer than Prince. The first rap song ever nominated for ROTY was "U Can't Touch This." MC Hammer was the first rapper to earn a ROTY nomination. ...You're right, this isn't fair, MC Hammer apparently built himself, and the distinction easily could've gone to MC Skat Kat. That's the motto: no matter how bad, it could always be worse. TRUE ENDING: "Vision of Love"

1992 "(Everything I Do) I Do it for You," by Bryan Adams "Baby Baby," by Amy Grant "Something to Talk About," by Bonnie Raitt "Losing My Religion," by R.E.M. WINNER: "Unforgettable," by Natalie Cole w/Nat King Cole

I am 100% convinced "Unforgettable" only won because the Grammys were completely in love with the fact Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole performed together. "Look!" they said, laughing and clapping. "Their names are of similar mouthsound! Delightful!" Anyway, instead of the idiosyncratic rock song, we're going with the country song about doin' it.

TRUE ENDING: "Something to Talk About"

1993 "Achy Breaky Heart," by Billy Ray Cyrus "Beauty & the Beast," by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson "Constant Craving," by k.d. lang "Save the Best for Last," by Vanessa Williams WINNER: "Tears in Heaven," by Eric Clapton

OH SHIT THE GRAMMYS JUST HIT US WITH THE THROWBACK! Awful novelty single? CHECK. Treacly ballad? CHECK. Ponderous slow song from an influential-but-overlooked performer? I FEEL BAD ABOUT SAYING IT BECAUSE IT'S A SONG ABOUT HIS KID WHO DIED BUT, OKAY, THIS IS WHO I AM, CHECK. And we have A NEW KIND OF BAD this year: THE POP VERSION OF THE SONG FROM THE MOVIE MUSICAL. Angela Lansbury or GTFO. k.d. lang does sort of earn this by default, I'm not gonna lie to you and say I dug the song presented to me, but I absoltuely respect the pioneering work she did in advancing stylization in performers' name. k.d. lang paved the streets on which Panic! At the Disco marches.

TRUE ENDING: "Constant Craving"

1994 "A Whole New World," by Peabo Bryson & Regina Belle "The River of Dreams," by Billy Joel "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You," by Sting "Harvest Moon," by Neil Young WINNER: "I Will Always Love You," by Whitney Houston

The end result is always the same, no matter what, but hoo boy, this sequence is something else. '90s music is generally ugh, but you had "Nuthin' but a 'G' Thang," "Mr. Jones," "No Rain," "Shoop," "What's Up?" But this. Billy Joel. Again. It's only been three times or something but it feels like Billy Joel has been nominated for this award every year.

TRUE ENDING: "I Will Always Love You"

1995 "I'll Make Love to You," by Boyz II Men "He Thinks He'll Keep Her," by Mary Chapin Carpenter "Love Sneakin' up on You," by Bonnie Raitt "Streets of Philadelphia," by Bruce Springsteen WINNER: "All I Wanna Do," by Sheryl Crow

The Grammys have relapsed pretty hard. And because we're in the 1990s, and also I've kind of hit a wall in terms of my enthusiasm for this project, I'm not even listening to these songs, because there's not any lessons to be gleaned here, music was being taken over by grunge and rap and the Grammys didn't know how to react so they literally gave their biggest award to a song which states, "All I wanna do is have some fun." Let's just have some fun, guys! Stop being so sad about everything, let's just, let's play Parcheesi! You used to love Parcheesi! Let's play Parcheesi and just, let's just have some fun! But yeah the Grammys are havin' some issues coming to terms with reality.

TRUE ENDING: "I'll Make Love to You"

1996 "One Sweet Day," by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men "Gangsta's Paradise," by Coolio "One of Us," by Joan Osborne "Waterfalls," by TLC WINNER: "Kiss from a Rose," by Seal

Now THIS. This, I can extremely fuck with. Nary a quibble I have with the Grammys' assessment of 1995! Do I maybe trade out "One Sweet Day" for "Fantasy?" Of course, I'm not that dead inside. Do I maybe replace "One of Us" with "You Oughta Know?" Eh, I think "One of Us" is more timeless, in that it's about God and not Dave Coulier, but I'd hear the argument. Do I maybe put "Life's a Bitch" in there instead of "Gangsta's Paradise?" Yes, but I completely get why they wouldn't. I think we've found it. I think we've found the most acceptable list! And the winner is almost the acceptable winner! Also, I didn't realize this until I dove into the list of hits from 1995, but apparently Ko[backwards R]n and P.O.D. were active and hitmakers in 1995. I knew it was coming soon? But I didn’t think it started when I was in Kindergarten.

TRUE ENDING: "Gangsta's Paradise"

1997 "Give Me One Reason," by Tracy Chapman "Because You Loved Me," by Celine Dion "Ironic," by Alanis Morissette "1979," by The Smashing Pumpkins WINNER: "Change the World," by Eric Clapton

And we're back. Though, hey, the Grammys are still making incremental progress. There's grunge, earning respectful recognition that it did, indeed, happen, and the Grammys were aware of it but ever distant! Alanis Morissette gets a nod for writing a song about how sometimes bad things happen! And TRACY CHAPMAN JUST ENDS THE FUCKING GAME. Someone once described "Give Me One Reason" as the last true blues hit, and that is such an accurate assessment. Everything about "Give Me One Reason" owns. I am thrilled to have shared some portion of the earth with the two Tracy Chapman songs we have briefly discussed.

TRUE ENDING: "Give Me One Reason"

1998 "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole "Everyday Is a Winding Road," by Sheryl Crow "MMMBop," by Hanson "I Believe I Can Fly," by R. Kelly WINNER: "Sunny Came Home," by Shawn Colvin

I believe it was @fart who tweeted that "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" and "The Boys Are Back in Town" share two different perspectives of the same event, and I'm sticking to that here. This right here is sort of the distillation of the '90s, assuming you're ignoring, y'know, rap: while you can't deny that this was probably what everyone in the '90s was listening to, you can absolutely fault everyone in the '90s for listening to this, because this is bad. But this is what was popular! "MMMBop," a song about grappling with your own mortality while making mouthsounds, was the biggest fucking song! You couldn't escape it! "It" referring to "MMMBop!" Like, the 1981 field was bad? But it was bad because it was bland, and it was regressive, and it wasn't of the time. This is bad because the songs are bad. They're all dated, they have no appeal beyond kitschiness, they're just, ugh. For once, it's not the Grammys' fault. ...Not entirely. Again: rap. We had that. We didn't have do the Sheryl Crow thing again.

TRUE ENDING: "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?"

1999 "The Boy Is Mine," by Brandy & Monica "Iris," by Goo Goo Dolls "Ray of Light," by Madonna "You're Still the One," by Shania Twain WINNER: "My Heart Will Go On," by Celine Dion

The '90s weren't without their saving graces, of course. Golly. Imagine being presented with this field and voting for something that wasn't "The Boy Is Mine." So many people did! I'm not gonna sit here and say that "My Heart Will Go On" wasn't the biggest musical craze of 1998, I lived through that shit, I endured that shit, believe you me, from a historical standpoint, it deserves this award. It's not history's fault, though, that so many more people listened to "My Heart Will Go On" than "The Boy Is Mine." It's those people's fault. WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE. What was wrong with you. ...At least you're still 15 or so years from your choice being Macklemore. It's hard to tell which is worse, but at least there's a good chunk of time between your failings.

TRUE ENDING: "The Boy Is Mine"

2000 "I Want It That Way," by Backstreet Boys "Believe," by Cher "Livin' La Vida Loca," by Ricky Martin "No Scrubs," by TLC WINNER: "Smooth," by Santana ft./Rob Thomas

...I don't like what I'm about to do. You know I think "Smooth" is a hot one. You know how I feel about guys in the passenger side of their best friend's ride, tryna holla at me. You know what I believe with regards to an existence of a life after love. You know I live that crazy life. ...If I'm doing karaoke, though. If I'm doing karaoke, and I need one song to fire every fucker in this dingy bar the fuck up, I need an all-time classic song that everyone loves and everyone knows, IF I AM SELECTING ONE JAM TO TAKE THIS PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH CALLED LIFE TO FLAVOR TOWN. ...It's gonna be "I Want It That Way." It's a perfect song. It is expertly crafted, the epitome of Swedish song design. It's this massive engine driving this amazing being into existence. I don't like that it is perfect. You may not like that it is perfect. But it is perfect and we love it. There are truths in life which are undeniable. "I Want It That Way" is one such truth.

TRUE ENDING: "I Want It That Way"

2001 "Say My Name," by Destinys Child "I Try," by Macy Gray "Music," by Madonna "Bye Bye Bye," by *NSYNC WINNER: "Beautiful Day," by U2

ugh what is with the u2 thing Anyway, this would ideally be where we start recognizing the things Beyonce has done for the world and all who live in it, except "I Try" is amazing. Also we're in the aughts and everyone knows and loves the aughts and no one has anything bad to say about the aughts so I'm not even gonna try to stretch for profundity it's lightning round time.

TRUE ENDING: "I Try"

2002 "Video," by india.arie "Fallin'," by Alicia Keys "Ms. Jackson," by OutKast "Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)," by Train WINNER: "Walk On," by U2

SERIOUSLY THIS U2 THING. WHAT ARE THEY SEEING THAT I'M NOT. WHAT COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE IN THERE. Anyway, hello. Rap has been around for two and a half decades and three rap songs have been nominated for Record of the Year in this space. That is as many rap songs as U2 songs in the same span of time. And lemme just skip ahead real quick here, and... Yep, yep, of course, the entire genre of rap and U2 are still tied in the official Record of the Year Grammy count! That's incredibly acceptable and great.

TRUE ENDING: "Ms. Jackson"

2003 "A Thousand Miles," by Vanessa Carlton "Without Me," by Eminem "Dilemma," by Nelly & Kelly Rowland "How You Remind Me," by Nickelback WINNER: "Don't Know Why," by Norah Jones

Legit question: is "Dilemma" the last great duet? I know Drake and Rihanna have put in work trying to find a great duet, I know Usher and Alicia Keys dropped "My Boo," I'm going to point out New Found Glory and Hayley Williams collaborated on "Vicious Love" and wait until this point is completely ignored before I move on, there we go, I think this might be the last great pop duet! I think the last great pop duet features the iconic screencap of Microsoft Excel Messenger!

TRUE ENDING: "Dilemma"

2004 "Crazy in Love," by Beyonce ft./Jay-Z "Where Is the Love?" by The Black Eyed Peas "Lose Yourself," by Eminem "Hey Ya!" by OutKast WINNER: "Clocks," by Coldplay

See, I'm disqualifying "Crazy in Love" from consideration from the "great duets" debate because it's not a duet. Jay-Z has a feature verse. Anyway: FUCK THIS. "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" absolutely 100% fuck this. Like that's a goddamn debate right there. There could be an entire 1000-episode podcast debating who should have won this category, "Crazy in Love" or "Hey Ya!" And it's not like the other three are slouches. "Lose Yourself" is disappointingly but definitely more popular than either track, "Where Is the Love?" is the kinda-awesome midpoint between Woke BEP and Party BEP, and I'd bop "Clocks" from the party but I'd let it hang for a few minutes, get a glimpse of a world other than its own before throwing it out on its ass. But "Crazy in Love" vs. "Hey Ya!" Fuck, dude. ...Grammys can tie, right? Yeah, there's ties in the Grammys. Fuck it, even if there's not ties in the Grammys, there's ties in this weird alternate reality Grammys because legitimately how the fuck do you choose.

TRUE ENDING: "Hey Ya!" & "Crazy in Love"

2005 "Let's Get it Started," by The Black Eyed Peas "American Idiot," by Green Day "Heaven," by Los Lonely Boys "Yeah!" by Usher ft./Lil' Jon & Ludacris WINNER: "Here We Go Again," by Ray Charles & Norah Jones

...Like?

TRUE ENDING: "Yeah!"

2006 "We Belong Together," by Mariah Carey "Feel Good Inc.," by Gorillaz ft./De La Soul "Hollaback Girl," by Gwen Stefani "Gold Digger," by Kanye West ft./Jamie Foxx WINNER: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," by Green Day

...OK, shit. Um. "We Belong Together" set the Mariah comeback in stone and history has a place for it, but I don't have a trophy for it. It's "Gold Digger" vs. "Boulevard" for me, and... And I think I gotta give it to. "Boulevard?" See, here's the thing, though, if "Stronger" were nominated a few years down the line, or "Love Lockdown," or "Niggas in Paris," yes! Absolutely, there'd be an argument! But "Gold Digger" is... Not his finest song? It's a funny-ish song about a stereotype. It has charm, it has that Ray Charles sample, but it's sort of, what's the phrase I'm looking for? Chop up the soul Kanye? It's that. It's good not great. "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is a song that captured the hopelessness and futility of life as a lower-class individual in the Bush era and is presently capturing the hopelessness and futility of life as anyone in the Trump era. The world needed and continues to need songs like that.

TRUE ENDING: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"

2007 "Be Without You," by Mary J. Blige "You're Beautiful," by James Blunt "Crazy," by Gnarls Barkley "Put Your Records On," by Corinne Bailey Rae WINNER: "Not Ready to Make Nice," by Dixie Chicks

"Not Ready to Make Nice" is the shit. I wanted Mary J. Blige or Gnarls Barkley to win, I could almost write that argument, but I just, "Not Ready to Make Nice" is the angriest song ever written. It is the apotheosis of the "message to the haters" song; it walks the same thematic ground as Tay Tay's "Shake It Off," but thunder emanates from its every step. And it's angry in that plain-spoken metaphorless way only country music can pull off. She does not obscure what has her fucked up: the letter stated, "shut up and sing or your life will be over." She is not going to forget. It's so powerful. Does it define 2006 in music? No, let's not be silly, "SexyBack" owned the year, Timbaland had more than a few songs hit #1, this song didn't have reach or impacy beyond the Grammy, but this song. This fucking song, man.

TRUE ENDING: "Not Ready to Make Nice"

2008 "Irreplaceable," by Beyonce "The Pretender," by Foo Fighters "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z "What Goes Around.../...Comes Around," by Justin Timberlake WINNER: "Rehab," by Amy Winehouse

okay no need to write an extended defense of this one, we know what's up

TRUE ENDING: "Irreplaceable"

2009 "Chasing Pavements," by Adele "Viva la Vida," by Coldplay "Bleeding Love," by Leona Lewis "Paper Planes," by M.I.A. WINNER: "Please Read the Letter," by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

i'm not really feelin' any of these songs, but WE'RE SO CLOSE TO THE END so fuck it here's the song i come closest to feeling

TRUE ENDING: "Paper Planes"

2010 "Halo," by Beyonce "I Gotta Feeling," by The Black Eyed Peas "Poker Face," by Lady Gaga "You Belong with Me," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Use Somebody," by Kings of Leon

oh wow, so, y'know, okay, how? how do we still have years like this? i know dope tunes were released in 2009 because i lived it, how do so many people get together and think, "yes! these!" this field is so bad, if you dropped drake's "best i ever had" into it, it would have a legit claim to the title. this is unconscionable! i hate this! why did i do this?

TRUE ENDING: "Poker Face"

2011 "Nothin' on You," by B.O.B. ft./Bruno Mars "Love the Way You Lie," by Eminem & Rihanna "Fuck You," by Cee Lo Green "Empire State of Mind," by Jay-Z ft./Alicia Keys WINNER: "Need You Now," by Lady Antebellum

Ah, the poetry of a group with the word Antebellum in their name emerging from a pack of black artists to claim a trophy they didn't deserve. Memories! What lovely recent history! Anyhoo, as sure as the earth is round, "Fuck You" is the best pop song of the decade so far. I'll fight you. Dungeon fam, I just gave you two Grammys for the mantle.

TRUE ENDING: "Fuck You"

2012 "Holocene," by Bon Iver "Grenade," by Bruno Mars "The Cave," by Mumford & Sons "Firework," by Katy Perry TRUE ENDING: "Rolling in the Deep," by Adele

"love on top," "party rock anthem," "niggas in paris," "the motto," "the edge of glory." what the fuck, you guys. picking songs that are good isn't hard but you fucked it up five times in a row somehow.

TRUE ENDING: i mean "Rolling in the Deep" i guess? ye gods this is dire

2013 "Lonely Boy," by The Black Keys "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)," by Kelly Clarkson "We Are Young," by Fun. ft./Janelle Monae "Thinkin Bout You," by Frank Ocean "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," by Tay Tay WINNER: "Somebody That I Used to Know," by Gotye ft./Kimbra

So now that we have years and years of historical context for the Grammys, let's take a minute to discuss what a miracle it was that Frank Ocean was ever nominated. The Grammys spent years ignoring anything resembling a subculture. As the 1960s grew increasingly psychedelic, the Grammys kept handing out nominations to Frank Sinatra and jazz instrumentals and gentle sweater dads. They dipped their toes into funkier things in the '70s, but they stayed the hell away from actual funk, from rock, from anything that looked like it might have been near cocaine at any point in their life. They gave Frank Sinatra a ROTY nomination in 1980. 1980! The Grammys had shown zero sign that they were even close to acknowledging a black man with ambiguous sexuality singing songs just on the edge of the mainstream existed. "Thinkin Bout You" peaked at 32 Stateside. There would have been zero outcry outside of The Internet if his song weren't nominated. And yet! They did! I don't get how, but I dig it! Anyway the best song of these six is "We Are Young" and how. How is "Call Me Maybe." ...A thousand steps forward, one step back, I guess.

TRUE ENDING: "We Are Young"

2014 "Radioactive," by Imagine Dragons "Royals," by Lorde "Locked Out of Heaven," by Bruno Mars "Blurred Lines," by Robin Thicke ft./Pharrell Williams & T.I. WINNER: "Get Lucky," by Daft Punk ft./Pharrell Williams

yeah they got it right, i don't care

TRUE ENDING: "Get Lucky"

2015 "Fancy," by Iggy Azalea ft./Charli XCX "Chandelier," by Sia "Shake It Off," by Tay Tay "All About that Bass," by Meghan Trainor WINNER: "Stay with Me," by Sam Smith

wooooooooooooooooooooooooow you really dont have to go back that far to find one of the all-time worst fields. i don't know if we've dropped any song off the face of the earth faster than "fancy," i barely even remembered it existed. "all about that bass" gets more embarrassing with each passing day. "stay with me" is mor pap. "shake it off" is horrifyingly immature and features tay tay rapping, which is, it's just a gross thing to have experienced. "chandelier." "chandelier" almost single-handedly redeems this field. i know i've used this blog to discuss what a miracle it is that sia exists as she does in the music landscape today, but legitimately, what the fuck. how? i don't mind! but how? but no for real "Chandelier," "Happy," "Problem," "Drunk in Love..." hoo boy 2014 was dire, uh, "Timber." shit, dude, yeah, "Timber." ok. ok yeah i guess it's ok as long as "Rude!" didn't make the cut.

TRUE ENDING: "Chandelier"

2016 "Really Love," by D'Angelo & the Vanguard "Thinking Out Loud," by Ed Sheeran "Blank Space," by Tay Tay "Can't Feel My Face," by The Weeknd WINNER: "Uptown Funk," by Mark Ronson ft./Bruno Mars

"Uptown Funk"/"Can't Feel My Face" is the toughest choice since "Hey Ya!"/"Crazy in Love." I think I give it to "Uptown Funk," simply because it doesn't feel like "Can't Feel My Face" exists without it, but man, "Can't Feel My Face" is such a solid track.

TRUE ENDING: "Uptown Funk"

2017 "Hello," by Adele "Formation," by Beyonce "7 Years," by Lukas Graham "Work," by Rihanna ft./Drake "Stressed Out," by twenty one pilots

listen, if i had to pick the field, it's "formation," "stresed out," "love yourself," "closer," and "black beatles." maybe throw "panda" in there over "stressed out," more people seemed to be into that than "stressed out," who cares, 2016 just wasn't great for anything on earth which exists, but hey! at least this field is more or less accurate! i don't know what "7 years" is doing here, and neither do you, but i know we're both hoping it wins so we can watch the first fires of the revolution.

TRUE ENDING: "Formation"

1 note · View note

jerseydeanne · 8 years ago

Text

7 things we learned about Prince Harry's girlfriend Meghan Markle from her blog The Tig Eleanor Steafel 6 JANUARY 2017 • 7:00AM Telegraph UK

Alot has changed for actress Meghan Markle in the last year. Namely, that by starting to date Prince Harry she has become arguably the most scrutinised woman in the western world.

Thanks to sightings of her shopping for a Christmas tree with HRH in south London, and popping out from Kensington Palace to stock up on supplies in Whole Foods, many are expecting the prince to pop the question any minute now. Because nothing says commitment like an overpriced chia and cacao bar.

So what do we actually know about the woman who could be a future member of our Royal Family? Other than that she is American, a TV actress in series Suits, a campaigner on gender equality issues, and *gasp* a divorcee, we're not nearly as clued up as we might like to think.

When Prince William looked set to propose to Kate Middleton we knew everything there was to know about her "middle class roots" and their fairytale St Andrews university romance.

Thoughtfully, Markle (or "MM" as she is apparently known to friends) has a lifestyle blog through which we can learn a little more about the woman who one day could be Princess Meg.

Called The Tig - named after an occasion when Markle tried a wine called Tignanello and experienced "unbridled joy" (steady on) - the blog has a touch of Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop about it.

There are family recipes, playlists, advice on being the perfect hostess and how to curate the perfect city break.

Here's what we learned about Meghan Markle from The Tig.

Markle is all about cosiness. Over the past couple of months, she has filled her blog with book recommendations, wintry playlists and warming recipes, such as Grandma Markle's Apple Butter Toast, "made in the crockpot to truly let you set it and forget it". Plus, there's a pumpkin fondue described as "the best f****** thing I've ever eaten".

Granted, there are a few Goop-esque monstrosities, like a particularly grim sounding spicy broccoli and hempseed stew (not the most sociable of meals, one imagines).

But generally Markle seems to be as much about having friends round to share a bottle of red as she is keen on greeting the day with a downward dog and a turmeric smoothie.

Her latest obsession is with red wine hot chocolate, which does exactly what it says on the tin. She says: "Combining two of every lady’s classic loves, wine and chocolate, this remarkably easy yet decadent dessert has been the talk of the town this season". So that's what she was buying ingredients for in Whole Foods.

"The food, the accent, the je ne sais quoi of the women with their inherent chicness – I sigh un petit peu just typing this."

Markle is a big fan of the French capital, so much so that she asked her pal Elettra Wiedermann (daughter of Isabella Rossellini and just one in a long line of name-drops) to curate a Paris guide for her blog.

Seems like a perfect spot for a proposal... just saying.

The two became friends at the beginning of 2016, when the tennis superstar barreled up to Markle at an event and decided they should hang out.

She nauseatingly refers to Williams as "this fancy lady", but actually, their friendship does seem quite sweet.

"We hit it off immediately," says Markle, "taking pictures, laughing through the flag football game we were both playing in, and chatting not about tennis or acting, but about all the good old fashioned girly stuff.

"So began our friendship. She quickly became a confidante I would text when I was traveling, the friend I would rally around for her tennis matches, and the down to earth chick I was able to grab lunch with just a couple weeks ago in Toronto."

What's the betting Williams was one of the first to know when a certain red headed royal arrived in Markle's life?

4. She's struggled with demons

Until now, at least, Markle has written a candid, personal blog every year on her birthday.

On turning 33 in 2014, she opened up about how happy she felt now to be in her 30s.

She admitted: "My 20s were brutal – a constant battle with myself, judging my weight, my style, my desire to be as cool/as hip/as smart/as “whatever” as everyone else."

In her latest birthday post, in April last year (just a month before it is thought Prince Harry may have arrived on the scene) she gushes that her cup runneth over.

"When I close my eyes and think of what I wish for, I come up with a blank. A big old happy blank.

"I am feeling so incredibly joyful right now, so grateful and content that all I could wish for is more of the same."

All she desires from the next year, she says, is "More surprises, more adventure, more opportunities to grow, more days filled with giggles and cheeky jokes, more delicious meals, and more inspiration. Always more inspiration."

5. She's not an ornamentAs well as playing the role of Rachel Zane on Suits, Markle spends a lot of time doing humanitarian work. She's a global ambassador for World Vision Canada and has also worked as an advocate for the UN Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women. She says: "I've never wanted to be a lady who lunches - I've always wanted to be a woman who works. And this type of work is what feeds my soul, and fuels my purpose."If she does indeed become Princess Meghan, presumably she'll seek to further the issues she cares so deeply about.6. Her dogs come first

Most living and breathing creatures, it seems, take second place to Markle's dogs, Bogart and Guy (seen here dressed in a Union Jack printed coat).

On the blog, she writes: "The first thing I do when I wake up is pick up my iPhone, kiss the dogs, and walk downstairs with them to let them in the backyard and feed them breakfast.

"Then while I wait for them to eat, I check some emails and send some texts, and we crawl back into bed for a little snuggle before starting the day."

7. She loves Sophie Ellis Bextor

It's clear from reading The Tig that Markle has a lot of celebrity friends. Most of them have contributed a guest post (most recently, Michael Buble provided a list of his favourite Christmas songs).

But one slightly off-beat pal comes in the form of our own Sophie Ellis-Bextor, whose song Come with Us Markle includes in one of her many playlists.

She says: "Yes, sweet Sophie stole our musical hearts with the hit, Murder on the Dance Floor, a tune that has stood the test of time for our requisite late night grooving, but her new album Familia offers this beat titled, Come with Us that channels old school Madonna vibes like no other.

"Love, love, love! Bravo, Sophie! Love to you and the familia!"

Smart move, Meghan. Get in with the British crowd now, and it'll make life a whole lot easier when you move to Kensington.

#jerseydeanne 7 things about MM

4 notes · View notes

deadcactuswalking · 6 years ago

Text

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.

0 notes

royal-despair-threads · 6 years ago

Text

Seojun & Petra [Prologue]

Seojun thought back on the fight that a certain duo had gone through earlier, as he had the moment to just sit down and let his thoughts wander for a bit. While it was rather unorthodox and childish to have been fist fighting at a time where they needed to cooperate with one another, he could understand why. Tensions were high; especially since you didn't know who these people were. Perhaps, he should check on the both of them.

He went over to Petra first. Why? It was a good question, but she did mention that she liked Jazz, and not in a meme-kind of way. While he liked it both ways, hearing that she was a Jazz Singer caught his eye. She felt familiar, and even though he knew they never met, he's felt like he's heard of her somewhere.

Tapping on her shoulder, he offers a polite smile. "How're you holding up, considering the odds?" Not the best starter to a conversation, but not the worst, either.

As she always was, Petra was in a rather sour mood. This whole situation was beyond infuriating and the people were easily, easily the worst part. Approaching Petra in general was a poor idea, but approaching her when she was at a whole new level of annoyed? That was a worse idea.

"Obviously fucking NOT, you idiot," Petra scoffed. "In case you haven't fucking noticed, that freckly bitch punched my in the goddamn face, so now not only am I trapped in a cramped room with a bunch of fucking idiots, but now I've gotta deal with my face throbbing. So you tell me, how do you think you would be doing?"

Wow. Wow, okay, now that was a bit explosive in itself, and he hadn’t even tried to annoy her yet. Damn, she really was a mega-bitch. Normally, this would be the point where he walked away and just told himself “fuck this shit, i’m out”. Considering that she was in a pretty bad state though, it was almost bound to happen, so he stayed a little longer.

“I’d probably bitching everyone out like you are right now, honestly.” Seojun took a seat next to the red-head, letting a sigh pass his lips. “There’s too many big personalities in such a little space, and there’s still a couple knocked out. With no way out...yeah, bad timing, I know.”

“But since I’m here, I wanted to know a bit about you.” He turns his head towards her, raising an eyebrow. “You mentioned that you were the Ultimate Jazz Singer, right?”

Yeah, 'too many big personalities in one place' was a bit of an understatement. Just replace 'big' with annoying, and you've basically figured out exactly what Petra was thinking.

"Well thank fucking god you're using your logical reasoning skills," Petra snapped and rolled her eyes.

"So you want to know about me, huh? Yeah, I'm the Ultimate Jazz Singer. Do you want me to sing you a fucking lullaby or something?" Petra asked. "Why do you even care? Are you a musician or something?"

Actually, she was sort of hoping he was. She really hoped the only other musician here wasn't that blue-haired guitarist.

Well...

“Ahh...Yes, and no? I do sing, but even though people have told me I sound like some kind of mix between Frank Sinatra and Michael Buble, I know I’m not on an Ultimate level of skill like you, or that guitarist over there.” His answers were ended by a shrug of his shoulders. This would probably displease her, but what else could Seojun do?

“As for why I care? You might be surprised by this....or you might not be, who knows. But, I’ve listened to some of your work, Petra.” A smile dawned upon his lips once again, as he flicked his hair to the side. “You are definitely worthy of your title, I’ll just put it that way.”

Ah yes, a compliment. As if she’d never come across those before. It was pretty common for people to shoot her a compliment in hopes she would suddenly warm up to them. It usually didn’t work.

“You know what? Normally my standards wouldn’t be this low, but thank fucking god someone here actually knows what Jazz is. I thought this place was just full of moronic heathens, but I guess you managed to be a step above every other idiot here,” Petra said with a cruel laugh.

“Well obviously I’m worthy of my title, I worked my fucking ass off to train my voice,” Petra said. “But enough about me, you still haven’t even mentioned your fucking name.”

Technically, he did, but he supposed that she wasn’t around to hear what it was with all of the commotion going on. He was rather shell-shocked to hear that he managed to be tolerable around her, but when she asked for his information...oh dear, he was definitely going to sink back to the bottom, knowing her personality.

“Right, I haven’t, have I? The name’s Seojun Tsoi. My talent is, uh...” He gave a laugh himself, facing away for a moment, before facing back towards her. “If I’m a step above every other idiot here now, then you don’t wanna hear my talent.”

“Regardless, an introduction is an introduction. I received the title of the Ultimate Internet Troll.” Aaaand here comes the onslaught.

Petra.exe has stopped working. She honestly, for a second there, completely blanked out. Did this guy really just say his talent was being an Internet Troll? Did he actually say that with sincerity, no joking?

She let out a loud laugh. She could already feel tears coming to her eyes as she held onto her stomach for dear life. Oh my god, this was rich! She couldn’t breathe!

“Y-You seriously mean to tell me that Hope’s Peak seriously have you the title of ‘Internet Troll’? What the fuck? That’s gotta be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!! What the fuck!!!” She honestly couldn’t stop laughing. There was no way to tell if it was real laughter or not.

“Oh my god, you’re a fucking joke,” Petra said and wiped tears away from her eyes. “How the fuck do you even get a talent like that? Make incel jokes on reddit all day?”

As soon as his title came out of his lips, Seojun knew that he was in for a helluva roasting himself, by someone that he respected over the sound waves of her music. He had to admit, some of these insults that she gave out were harsh as hell. He braced himself for the worst.

And, it was bad. It truly was, especially the part with the incel jokes. The Internet Troll knew he wouldn't be taken seriously as soon as his talent was exposed. That was the irony of it all; he'd have to impress everyone because of his disadvantage of a useless title.

Was it useless? Who knows. "I'll give you this; the incel jokes are probably saved for the "men are stronger than women" guy known as Takuma. Making incel jokes is low, and aren't witty at all." A smile dawned across his face, though it almost seemed forced. Seojun stared down at his hand for a moment. "I told someone here that it's like being a stand up comedian; it takes luck, wit, and the right words to say. If you've ever seen some of these Twitter accounts nowadays, think of something like that."

"Yeah, I know it's a dumb talent on the surface. Hope's Peak really fucked me over in bestowing such a title, but I'm not that much of an asshole...I think."

“Well Jesus Christ, don’t you wish Hope’s Peak had given you the title of ‘Social Media Personality’ or some shit?” Petra snorted. “God, Internet Troll, that’s gotta be the worst talent I’ve ever heard. It’s even worse than that stupid shit like ‘Ultimate Fortune Teller’ or other bullshit supernatural talents.”

She flicked her hair over her shoulder. It was still a bit tangled from when that bitch grabbed it.

“Hey Troll Doll, I’ll stop laughing at you if happen to have a comb I can use on you,” Petra said.

Seojun couldn’t help but let out a slight snicker himself. These insults may have been directed towards him, but something he learned was that if he laughed them off, they won’t bother him as much. “To be honest, I believe there could be much, much worse. I’ve heard people were accepted as magical girls at one point. Cute, but...I don’t see how that’s a talent, you know?”

“As for a comb, I usually keep one on me, but since I can’t find most of my things, I can’t hold too many promises. Still, I’ll check.” With that, he checks inside all of his pockets. Jacket pockets, pants pockets, even the pocket inside his button up shirt, which was under the blue and red one. Any luck on finding a comb?

After a while of searching, he felt something in his shirt pocket. "....Ah-" Quickly, he snatched, and flung it out. Indeed, there was a black comb ready to use. A smile grew onto his lips, before made a small "a-ha" sound. "It's your lucky day, Miss Sakai."

He held this new item out towards her, in case she wanted to take it. "Now, do you want me to comb it out, or are you good?"

Petra snatched the comb from his hand.

"What am I? Four? I'm not a little kid, I can comb my own hair," Petra scoffed. She removed the bow from her hair and began to comb it out with the comb so graciously provided by Seojun. Ah, better already. She carefully combed it through a couple of times and continued speaking, "For the record, magical girls is a fucking stupid ass talent too and Hope's Peak needs to get its act together...but as promised, I'll stop laughing at you and your weird talent."

She finished combing and fixed her bow back in place before tossing the comb back for Seojun to catch.

"So you like Jazz. Any favorites?" she asked, referring to both artists and songs.

As the comb was snatched out of the man’s hands so quickly, he couldn’t help but let out a quiet chuckle, listening to her rant about the various talents that were considered to be unacceptable upon her standards. As she tossed him back the comb, he caught it with his left hand, giving a thank you in response. Hearing her question, though, that sent him chuckling. That was always a hard question, you could say.

“I figured you’d ask this. I do have some favorites. Frank Foster’s ’Here and Now’, Julia London’s ’Cry Me a River’...There’s also Kurt Elling and his music in general, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald...And how can I forget about your music? Like I said, I’ve listened to some of it before.” He paused for a moment, thinking back on something. “...Though, I’m not sure if ’Late Nights and Heartbreak’ would also count. That’s a really good one.”

“Your turn. Any favorites you may have?”

"Hm, not bad," Petra replied, particularly his mention of Ella Fitzgerald. Complimenting Petra's muse was a good, quick way to get her to consider to be less of a demon. Less of, not stop entirely.

"You really shouldn't try so hard to kiss my ass. Am I really supposed to believe my two fucking original songs were life changing enough to be put on the same level of Ella Fitzgerald. I'm not gonna fucking kid myself and you shouldn't either," Petra said. "Late Nights and Heartbreak has Jazz influence, so I'll give you that one. But that's it."

Her favorites? "I'm impartial to Ella Fitzgerald and Dizzy Gillespie. Obviously Duke Ellington is fantastic as well and Miles Davis. A Night in Tunisia is a song my parents would often play in the house during their murders, so I have some strong fucking memories associated with that one."

Kissing her ass? He was just being honest - he was kind of a sucker for jazz, and even though he loved rock, hip-hop, and other genres, there was something about the old fashioned music that had him captivated. "Ah, I'm glad that I wasn't wrong about that song." Oh, and Duke Ellington was quite a talent himself as well, how could he forget about-

Hold on. Rewind. Did Petra just say...?

"...Ah, don't mean to be invading your privacy or anything, but..." Seojun blinked rapidly for a few seconds, as if he was making sure the information was actually registering properly. "...Can you explain what you mean by...their murders? And why they played A Night in Tunisia for that?"

Petra just examined her nails as though this whole thing was the opposite of a big deal, as though she was used to explaining it.

“Valentin and Alena Voronov were my real parents. You might not have heard of them if don’t have an interest in true crime, but they were the Honeymoon Killers,” Petra explained almost...eagerly, as though she was deeply excited to discuss this. “Basically, they were famous serial killers. They used to blast Jazz through the house so the neighbors wouldn’t hear the victims scream. They were particularly fond of playing rowdier Jazz such as bebop for their murders. I think it got them more excited.”

She grinned, waiting for any reaction out of him. “Satisfied with that answer, Troll Doll?”

He seemed to have been stunned for a moment, after hearing the full explanation to the melodious vixen's mention to the murders comment. Seojun definitely...was not expecting to hear some horror tales in this room today. The blonde ran a hand through his hair, still processing all of this information. Finally, his eyes darted to meet with her hazel, and let's just say they were wide as saucers.

"...God, damn." He hissed out, nervously laughing. This was a little intimidating. Turns out, someone that he's listened to was the daughter of the Honeymoon Killers. "...Uh...Did they ever...y'know...get caught? That's gotta be some...pretty dark shit right there, Petra."

Petra began to pick at her nails. Yeah, she definitely needed a fresh coat of paint.

“Obviously they got caught,” Petra scoffed. “Why the fuck do you think my last name is Sakai and not Voronov? I’d still be living with them if they hadn’t been found out. What? Do you think they just abandoned me or some shit to live a life on the run from the cops? Fat fucking chance.”

She stopped looking at nails to grin at him. “You’re not the first fucking person to freak out so much about this. It’s not even a big deal. They’re not even fucking alive anymore.”

Damn. She took it all like it was some kind of joke, and the reason why was a big fat mystery to Seojun. "I didn't mean that they'd do that to you." The man reassured lightly, giving another sheepish smile back towards the Jazz Singer. At the mention of her parents not being alive anymore, he couldn't help but shift his gaze slightly, scratching the back of his head.

"In regards to that last part...Well, looks like we sort of have something in common, huh?"

He stopped. Shit, this wasn't his moment to be revealing parts of his own past. Not right now. He turned back to the red-headed vixen with a smile, laughing once again. "Sorry. Forget I said that. I guess I don't usually hear something like what you told me every day."

“Yeah, dead parents, isn’t that a fucking trope?” Petra snorted. “Its a fucking stupid one, anyway. I dunno how your parents died, but I’m guessing people don’t at least spit on their graves.”

She sighed and shook her head, something strangely pensive about her expression.

“Whatever. I’ll ‘forget’ what you said even though I don’t really care that much,” Petra said. “Whatever, though, find someone else to troll for a bit. This has gotten boring.”

Petra gave him a lazy wave before walking away.

#seojun #petra #prologue

0 notes