#yes I know that this would be unethical in many ways but in this hypothetical impossible situation I’m being selfish lmao

[nicksstrongrugbyarms]

Yes AI is scary and it’s kind of making the internet a worse place and blah blah yada yada

But is it unreasonable of me to want AI to one day have the ability to create an entire feature length film adaption of the fan fiction, Twist and Shout, using the likeness of Karla era Misha Collins, and Spn season 1 Jensen Ackles????

Am I truly asking too much???? I will pay anything????? Name your price??????

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

🎵 Evrart’s Theme

3. "Interesting stuff. I just want to solve this murder, okay?"

EVRART CLAIRE - "You know why you're such a good detective, Harry? You don't get *sidetracked*. You care about the people you're supposed to protect, not some systems that may or may not be unethical."

"Anyway, let's not focus on the sensationalism of the drug trade. This hypothetical drug trade is all anyone ever seems to be interested in. It would only be a small part of the Harbour's turnover -- just like the harbour is but a small part of Martinaise."

"It would still be illegal."

"So is there a trade or isn't there?"

"Go on."

Say nothing.

EVRART CLAIRE - "Let's look at the big picture. Martinaise as a whole. There are little girls out there with dreams of making music. Young mothers who want to start businesses. Models who want to walk catwalks and steel welders who want to weld steel."

"I'm gonna unite them all into one economic body. We're gonna incorporate this place to kingdom come. Everyone's gonna be in on the wealth. And *everyone's* gonna pull their weight."

+5 XP

VOLITION [Medium: Success] - Let's keep focusing on the drug trade. He was almost admitting to it.

"Hold on, I don't want to look at the big picture. I want to look at the drug trade you almost admitted to."

"Well, I mean, if it has the word *incorporate* in it, then I like it. I'm a money-guy."

"That's very ambitious. I love what you're doing for the working man."

"I'm not feeling a whole lot of *Revachol* here. Not enough flags or kings."

"Honestly, it's not my place to judge or express an opinion."

EVRART CLAIRE - "No, no, Harry. That's boring." He sighs. "Alright, it's gone! The hypothetical raw materials trade is off the table. It's such a small and insignificant slice of revenue, I'm cutting it."

"Boys…" He looks around the container. "Harry felt queasy about it. We're not doing it. Can we talk about my beautiful incorporated Martinaise and its many-sided business ventures now? This bold new vision of incorporated socialism I'm offering?"

2. "That's very ambitious. I love what you're doing for the working man."

+1 Communism

EVRART CLAIRE - "Thank you, Harry, thank you." He bows courteously in his chair. "You have no idea how much it means to me, because in many ways *you* are that working man. You have already done so much work."

6. "Can I ask you about specific union members?"

EVRART CLAIRE - "We're way past *specific* Union members now. This is the Big Time." His eyes are shining. "We're talking about the future of Revachol here, Harry."

"You can bother Leonard with that." He points to the door. "He loves to run his mouth on such matters. But I'm in Big-Time mode, Harry."

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - There's something different about him now. He's more vibrant. More alive in his 'Big-Time mode'.

7. "Can I get my gun now?"

EVRART CLAIRE - "Harry, I've got to be honest with you." He turns solemn. "Your gun was found two days ago. Withholding this information weighed heavily on me. But it had to be done."

"You bastard!"

"Fine, where is it?"

EVRART CLAIRE - "Your gun is with an old woman," he says, absolutely unperturbed by your outburst. "I hear she's a character, so watch out."

LOGIC [Trivial: Success] - This must be the woman who bought the gun from Roy, the one he described as "terrifying."

"So the gun's still with the woman who bought it from Roy..."

EVRART CLAIRE - "Yes, the same one -- I see you've done your research. The pawnshop made the gun easy to track..." He smiles and shakes his head in wonderment. "Crazy stuff, Harry. Selling your gun like that! Wild. Anyway..."

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - Union boys are gonna help you *fix* it, he winks at you. Don't worry Harry.

EVRART CLAIRE - "...the neighbours of this old woman contacted my men, because they trust me and the Débardeurs Union. Apparently she was waving it around at the entrance to her building."

HALF LIGHT [Easy: Success] - Waving the gun around doesn't sound good. None of this does.

"She was waving it around at people?"

"Who *is* this old woman?"

"Can you set up a meeting?" (Conclude.)

EVRART CLAIRE - "As I said she's a character. I didn't have time for details." He smiles. "It sounds like she's unstable, but don't worry. No one got hurt."

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - It sounds like a very disturbed and desperate individual.

2. "Who *is* this old woman?"

EVRART CLAIRE - "Unfortunately, I don't know any more. You're gonna have to go in blind, Harry. But she's an old lady -- how dangerous can she possibly be? Oh, and she calls herself the Pigs."

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - There it is again -- *the pigs*, like Roy said. Not good at all.

KIM KITSURAGI - "I, for one, find it refreshing. Finally someone calls *themselves* a pig." A smile flickers in the corner of his mouth.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - It actually sounds extremely bad, but let's not give him the satisfaction.

3. "Can you set up a meeting?" (Conclude.)

EVRART CLAIRE - "I already have!" He holds out his index finger. "Tonight, starting 22.00. Near the old fish market on the coast -- the one on the boardwalk, a little past the fishing village. Be careful, Harry. I would never set you up for anything dangerous, but you *did* ask for this. Now..." He claps his hands. "Back to the fun stuff."

New task: Confront the Pigs and get your gun back

INLAND EMPIRE [Trivial: Success] - She will be there. From 22.00 till 02.00.

KIM KITSURAGI - "More fun stuff..." He looks at you. "Seems like we already have fun stuff to do."

8. "That's it for now." (Conclude.)

EVRART CLAIRE - "Great, Harry, great! I think we have truly built a bridge between Martinaise and Jamrock today. We have united the RCM and the Débardeurs' Union..." Suddenly there's sadness in his tone.

"This..." He points to you, then himself. "... has been *so* great. I'm sorry we don't have more fun things to do together, but if you ever feel like bouncing something off me, my door is always open."

5. "Evrart, I'm going to leave now, but we might talk again later." [Leave.]

THOUGHT COMPLETE: COP OF THE APOCALYPSE

BONUSES: Learning cap for Inland Empire raised to 6 Learning cap for Shivers raised to 6

It's not fire. It's not ash. There will most certainly be a sea of corpses leading up to the Event, but it won't be war or pestilence that causes it, oh no. The Event will belong to a genre of cataclysm no man has dared to suspect would ever come to pass. You can only sense the *shape* of it. Like a cavity, a pit opening up in your stomach. A throat into which the world will vanish. The streets, the grass, the stars -- all will be *rolled back*. By whom, by what? And how? You don't know. All you know is -- you’re not joking around.

🎵 Martinaise, Terminal B

Evrart told us to talk to Leo in order to find out more about the Union members.

EASY LEO - "Oh hey, mister! I knew you'd be back to talk with old Leo here, yes I did, yes I did. It's like Lady Leriche said when she opened a bath house in the basement of my apartment building: *They can only get so far before they're aching to get back*. And lot of folks really did keep coming back..."

"Leo, Leo... in the future, can we keep this greeting shorter?"

"I had some questions for you, if that's not too much trouble?"

EASY LEO - "Sure, mister, absolutely -- I'm always willing to help out nice fellows such as yourself." He smiles his disarming smile and looks you deep in the eye.

6. "Leo, you seem to know everyone around here, I want to ask about someone."

EASY LEO - "Mr. Evrart doesn't really want me to talk to people about Union guys..." He thinks for a moment. "But who did you want to talk about?"

"Tell me about this Edgar guy you keep mentioning?"

"Tell me about Mañana."

"Tell me about Measurehead."

"Tell me about Titus."

"Tell me about Evrart."

"Tell me about René."

"Actually I wanna talk about something else."

EASY LEO - "Mr. Edgar is Mr. Evrart's brother. He's looks a bit younger, he does, but a very smart fellow, very smart fellow indeed. He's away on some Union business... Not even in Revachol, they say..."

"Let me stop you there, Leo, I had another question."

Don't interrupt Leo.

EASY LEO - "All kinds of places he visits. Him and his brother both do when they're on a vacation. Right now it's Mr. Evrart's turn to look after the Union, but last year he spent a whole winter in South Safre." He chuckles.

"Left with the first autumn rains and didn't come back before the trees were green again." The little guy chuckles again.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - South Safre? A lot of *bulk* chemical manufacturing going on there. A lot of cargo shipments being made too.

REACTION SPEED [Medium: Success] - The trade must've been lucrative for the trip to be so long.

2. "Tell me about Mañana."

EASY LEO - "He's a Union man through and through. Good guy." He falls silent, hesitating. "He's very calm... laid back. Doesn't do much. Talks to Evrart sometimes."

"Honestly. I don't know *what* he does for us, but it must be important because everybody likes him. Yes, they do. I think that's what he does, he makes everyone feel a little better."

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - Oil for the wheels. Much needed in stressful times like these.

3. "Tell me about Measurehead."

EASY LEO - "Ohh, he's really something..." The little man starts laughing. "He doesn't talk much to me usually, but when he does... I don't really understand most of what he's saying..." He suddenly falls quiet. "Actually, I don't think he would like me running my mouth about him like that."

"Once he said he's a *dragon* to this mob fellow who came picking a fight with some Union men. Heh, I think he really believed Jean-Luc *was* a dragon, because he ran right off. Another time he almost killed another guy, but... I shouldn't talk about that."

4. "Tell me about Titus."

EASY LEO - "Oh, Titus is a longshoreman through and through, he was born on a boat, they say." The little man rubs a patch on his elbow. "His veins are probably filled with saltwater I tell you, hehehe -- nice friendly sort old Titus is."

5. "Tell me about Evrart."

EASY LEO - "Uh... I'd best not... I mean I could, but I don't think Mr. Evrart would like it very much, you better ask him yourself, mister." If anything the ever present smile on Leo's face gets even warmer.

6. "Tell me about René."

EASY LEO - "The night guard? He was a peculiar fellow. Headstrong and proud. We didn't really talk all that much." The little guy looks you in the eye. "He died recently. Somethink with his ticker..."

7. "Actually I wanna talk about something else."

EASY LEO - "Uh... sure, mister, what can Leo do for you?" The expression on his wrinkled face says *I really want to help you*.

7. "Okay, I'm off." [Leave.]

Thanks, Leo. Let's head back into Martinaise.

Three Ts! How idiomatic!

🎵 Instrument of Surrender

CUNO - "Fuck does Cuno care?" The boy turns to you. (He doesn't care.)

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about any missing locusts?"

CUNO - "No. Cuno doesn't give a fuck about bugs."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - So he knows locusts are bugs.

CUNOESSE - "Oh my god." The little one seems distraught. "I told you that shit is lame!"

CUNO - "Shut up, C!"

CUNOESSE - "Now they're gonna take you to lame-prison!"

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - She sounds like she's about to cry out of disappointment at Cuno's newfound lameness.

"What's this about?"

"Now hold on, no one is lame here... just tell me what happened?"

"You kids are in trouble."

CUNOESSE - "Deny everything, Cuno! You need to lawyer up!"

CUNO - "Cuno's not gonna say anything without his lawyer present."

REACTION SPEED [Easy: Success] - There's definitely something going on here. Remember his pigs' head shack? You should check it out.

4. "Okay, I'm off." [Leave.]

CUNO - "Cuno doesn't fucking care."

It's crawling with locusts in here!

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - All around you, the hisses and chirps of locusts fill the musky air. The earthen floor of the shack has been shaped into mounds of mud dotted with little holes for windows.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - Like skyscrapers, spires of dirt and sand rising. Accommodations for their insectoid inhabitants?

KIM KITSURAGI - "Well, detective, it appears you've solved the case..." The lieutenant looks around, writes something in his notebook, and turns to you...

"Of the locusts. For the missing locust case, which is a sub-case of the imaginary insect case. So at least *that's* going well."

"Yes, precisely what I was thinking!"

"Stop being so sarcastic, Kim."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh, I'm not being sarcastic *at all*. We are making *real* progress here."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - When someone says they're not being sarcastic, it's usually a good sign that they're being *very* sarcastic.

"You think the Insulindian phasmid is nearby?"

"We should talk to Cuno about this. Get him to stop." [Leave.]

KIM KITSURAGI - "If anything, the presence of the locusts points to the opposite -- the phasmid did not take the bait from the traps. It was Cuno. The phasmid doesn't exist..."

He shrugs. "But what do I know?"

LOGIC [Medium: Success] - Use your powers of deduction! You knew the magic bug was nowhere near here. The phasmid is impairing your judgement.

2. "We should talk to Cuno about this. Get him to stop." [Leave.]

KIM KITSURAGI - "I'll let you handle the Cuno side of things. You're doing just fine."

CUNO - "Fuck does Cuno care?" The boy turns to you. (He doesn't care.)

"I know you took the locusts from the traps the cryptozoologists set up."

CUNO - "Yeah," he says slowly, meeting your gaze with sullen defiance. "Cuno took the bugs. So what?"

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - So it wasn't the phasmid... a wave of disappointment washes over you.

"I was really hoping it would be the reed-phasmid that ate the locusts. Not you, Cuno.“

"You say you don't *give a fuck about bugs*, then you go and build a whole bug town."

"Why steal locusts? Couldn't you find some other pets?"

CUNO - "Yeah, well... Cuno's all you got, bitch."

"You say you don't *give a fuck about bugs*, then you go and build a whole bug town."

CUNO - "It's not Bug Town, it's the *City of Locusts*," he says, enunciating every syllable. "Locusts aren't just bug-shit. They come out of the sky like a fucking shadow. Shit *descends*."

CUNOESSE - "Stoooooop!" she wails from behind the fence, then buries her face in her hands.

CUNO - "You stop! It's like they're fucking *night*. Locust City, Night City. City of Rage..."

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - There's a tug-of-war over the name of his fantastical city. It's almost too big for his imagination.

CUNOESSE - The girl forces herself to watch again, the corners of her eyes twitching from discomfort.

"City of Rage sounds like a cool place."

"What are you, some kind of *artist* now?"

"Whatever, kids, I just wanted to ask…"

CUNOESSE - "Cuno, the pig wants to *help* you..." she moans. "That's how lame it is. Please just don't say you're --"

CUNO - "An *artist*?" He pushes his chest out. "Maybe I *am* an artist? You hear that everyone, I'm a fucking *artist* now."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - Did he just say *I*? Cuno usually calls Cuno Cuno.

"Hold on, did I hear you right? You said 'I'."

(Nod.) "Making art is a worthy calling. I'm something of an artist myself."

"You should listen to your friend, Cuno. Art's lame as hell."

CUNO - "Cuno made Cuno. Cuno says whatever the fuck he wants! There are no *rules* here, pig." He steps closer...

"I fucking say 'I' when I wanna and 'Cuno' when I wanna. Cuno's free. Cuno's free to fucking *die*, bitch."

RHETORIC - This is what he sometimes does when things get tense.

(Nod.) "Making art is a worthy calling. I'm something of an artist myself."

CUNOESSE - "OH MY GOD, CUNO! He's gonna make you totally lame in, like, three seconds! Don't let him, Cuno!"

CUNO - "Yo, fuck you, C. Cuno can be what Cuno wants to be. Cuno's his own man, Cuno's *free*!" He tears at the buttons of his shirt, trying to rip them open. They don't give way.

"Cuno made himself into Cuno. Cuno can make himself into *anything*. Cuno can make himself into a *pig* if he wants, Cuno can make himself into a f****t. Cuno doesn't give a shit."

CUNOESSE - "Don't make yourself into a pig, Cuno. You'll have to take me away..." A leaden silence fills the yard.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [Medium: Success] - In it, you hear snow melting, dripping from the eaves. Someone closing a window.

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - So that's what this is about.

"That depends on the choices *you* make, young girl."

"Me and Cuno have discussed this. I promised I won't do that."

Say nothing.

We *did* promise Cuno.

CUNOESSE - "I don't believe you!" She disappears entirely behind the fence.

CUNO - For once, the boy is lost for words. He's turned completely red now, with splotches of white beginning to appear across his face.

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] - Use this momentary confusion to take *control* of the situation.

"I need you to stop taking locusts from the traps. The cryptozoologists are trying to find something very important. Those locusts are bait."

"I have to ask -- what does the City of Locusts *mean*?"

"What's going to happen to the locusts?" (Nod toward the shack.)

"Okay, now that that's settled, I'd better be off." (Conclude.)

CUNO - "I don't give a shit, I don't need the locusts anyway. Shit is all lame now." He turns toward the fence. "C was right."

CUNOESSE - The girl's face appears again above the fence, just long enough to make eye contact with Cuno.

2. "I have to ask -- what does the City of Locusts *mean*?"

CUNO - "It don't mean anything. It's shit. Cuno just likes to focus. Cuno likes to concentrate on shit, build shit when he's zipping hard. Fuck..." He turns his burning face up to the falling snow.

"Pig," he says finally, lowering his gaze to meet yours, "you really shouldn't have fucked with Cuno's city. Now it's all fucking lame."

3. "What's going to happen to the locusts?" (Nod toward the shack.)

CUNO - "Cuno's gonna let the fucking locusts die."

4. "Okay, now that that's settled, I'd better be off." (Conclude.)

CUNO - "The fuck are they trying to catch anyway?" he asks before you leave. "With the traps?"

"The Insulindian phasmid."

"None of your business." [Leave.]

CUNO - "Huh..." he mutters to himself.

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] - He recognizes the name.

"Wait, you know what the Insulindian phasmid is?"

"Later, Cuno."

CUNO - "Bitches think Cuno doesn't *know* shit..." he says angrily. "The fuck outta here, Cuno's tired of this shit."

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - There's silence between the two children. They're not saying anything to each other nor looking in each other's direction.

Augh. Well, I guess the next step of this is to deliver the bad news to Lena and Morell.

Before that, though, while we're here...

CONCEPTUALIZATION - The paintbrush in your hand is like a loaded revolver. What will it be, desperado? Quite a few things come to mind...

[butch-reidentified]

ik anon probably is shitposting or whatever but I've actually found myself pondering this ask here and there, since it's honestly as interesting as it is funny, and here's what I've arrived at:

1. Most people involved in organized crime don't really have a choice. Many didn't have a choice about it to begin with, but even those who did are unlikely to be able to leave. If this is the case, and one is doing their best not to cause harm/to minimize harm, then I don't think that really means anything in relation to being a radfem. I don't tend to hold people responsible for things they don't have freedom of choice about.

2. If one is involved in organized crime and by some divine fortune free to leave at any time, I would say I agree with OP that anything harming women, working class individuals, etc. is incompatible with radical feminism. However, I disagree with the last sentence of OP's answer. While I agree that all organized crime groups cause harm, the individuals within them often do not.

This is a subject I know way too damn much about as a South Floridian. Organized crime, like legal business/organizations, has many different positions within it. Many of those positions are pretty ethically neutral, such as many employees at money laundries. Money laundries - let's use a nightclub for example here - still employ service staff and have legitimate customers. The service staff are typically affiliated individuals, but all they are doing is serving drinks and keeping their mouths shut. I don't think there's any direct harm there, unless you're the IRS. It's a bit like being a retail employee at a store owned by Nestlé or any other evil corporation in that sense. Nestlé is causing harm, but I would hesitate to claim every single employee of Nestlé is unethical and personally causing harm. Many are working class people with few if any other options.

3. Lastly, I would go so far as to say there are aspects of organized crime that harm bad people, harm the wealthy, politicians, cops, government institutions, and the like. As the previous tags said, organized crime that targets the rich is an idea (and I can confirm it exists - not necessarily as an entire organization but as smaller subgroups within an org). Perhaps I know someone personally who is (not by choice) a member of a certain organization, and who is honestly really cool and has a great moral compass. In fact, this hypothetical individual is in a way a modern-day Robin Hood. This hypothetical person makes absurd quantities of money off obscenely wealthy people and funnels it into the community, particularly working class and LGB people and causes.

edit: and yes as others have said & as I'm very much aware, radical feminist action can and should include what a lot of people would consider organized crime. I didn't include this is because I don't think it's what anon meant but it is absolutely true

can you be a radfem if you are involved with organized crime?

I truly don't know what to tell you. This is definitely one of the stranger things I've been asked. Radical feminism is an ideology, not an identity, and it's rare for anyone to behave in perfect alignment with their chosen ideologies.

However, if the crime you're involved in harms working class/impoverished people, especially women and children, I'd say no. It's not compatible with radical feminism. It's hard to imagine organized crime that doesn't harm people in some way.

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, Episode 140

Welcome to the penultimate Wizard Breakdown Tracker: Four Resurrections and an Ass-Kicking.

When I first started this, I declared my intent was to do this until the comeuppance of Trent Ikithon. That may not happen, so, while I may revive it for hypothetical future one-shots centered specifically around the comeuppance of Trent Ikithon, this tracker will otherwise unsurprisingly end with the campaign next week, with the final statuses of all or at least most of these wizards. Also, for some advance notice, it will almost certainly be delayed until Sunday night.

But this week we are still primarily focusing on the wizard NPC of the Nein. Is he, technically speaking, counted among the Mighty Nein such that any breakdowns induced in him by the Mighty Nein have a self-inflicted component? Yes. Is this unique to Essek's situation, by any means? No.

As a reminder Caleb Widogast is a PC and therefore not included.

Currently sidelined: Ludinus Da'leth, Trent Ikithon, Astrid Beck, the Wulf of Wall Street, Pumat Sol, Oremid Hass, Allura Vyesoren, Yussa Errenis.

Lady Vess Derogna: there is a very high likelihood this may be my primary sendoff for her. So: to Vess. We hardly knew you, which is a little disappointing in that I love watching evil women who are committed in their indifference to anything but their goals, and I would personally watch a campaign that was literally just slowly dismantling the Cerberus Assembly provided there was also some combat and romance on the side, but Lucien is, indeed, the worst.

As the red eyes on her body have disappeared, it's gonna be a little awkward for the Nein to explain that no, she actually was a doomsday cultist to an entity they have since killed. [sidebar: my guess is the Magic Eye Book got swallowed by the city as well, which in unfortunate because I would have like to have watched the Dynasty see THAT particular sailboat. It's no "dunamancy existed and still worked fine, even better, for those who wanted to kill the gods", but it's still in Undercommon and I still expect it will put them in a very uncomfortable place.]

I do wonder what her afterlife has been like. The neutral evil outer planes do not seem like a great time, but honestly if I were her I'd probably be lying on the ground in Gehenna right now, looking up into the ash-strewn sky like "you know...I could have done better than Lucien, that fucking hack." Or perhaps "well, at least for me it was quick, and, blood from the eyes aside, at least I did not die a horrifying monstrosity."

Conclusion: 0/10. I haven't been tracking her breakdown otherwise, because, well, she's dead, but I have to imagine she's feeling some sense of vindication that Lucien is also dead and actually, her highly unethical modifications to him were still an upgrade by most standards. She's had three weeks to come to terms with her fate. Also I imagine any magical afterlife for the evil as completely lacking in such amenities as the catharsis of a breakdown.

Essek Thelyss: speaking of the catharsis of a breakdown!

If I may get serious, and I may because I have never actually cared for getting the readers' permission in my entire life and sure won't start now, what struck me about Essek is that there are many things that were implied he did not get much of - friendship, peace, an escape from the rigid confines of his society, people asking him about soup - but in many ways he has lived an immensely privileged life. Talented, powerful, free from want. Except he wanted more, because that's how people are.

I'm sure next week, and in the few following, amid whatever breaks and one-offs occur, (with some premature examinators writing them right now, even), there will be plenty of meta explaining what the Mighty Nein were really about, man. I will even probably definitely make some of them. And even as I make fun of those who are performing vivisections and calling them post mortems, it's not terribly hard to guess what we'll find. Redemption. Found Family Wait No But It's Different This Time. The complicated subtleties of morality across disparate cultures. Who You Are In The Dark. An extended metaphor of the underappreciated nature of utility casters.

But while all of those have truth to them, the story of the Mighty Nein, to me, is seven people-eight, now- being forced to answer one question: What if you actually got what you wanted, for once? What then?

More than anything, what Essek wanted was answers. He still wants them, though his priorities are shifting. He's gotten some answers already. He does not see himself as deserving. He might not, for many years. Perhaps ever.

And so when the people he does see as deserving want something - a relatively small thing, in the grand scheme, to want - and they are unable to get it, that is what breaks him.

Conclusion: let the poor man have a good cry in peace. fucking voyeurs.

Halas Lutagran: Oh? oh is it a long time to be trapped? Is it? Did the Mighty Nein free some souls from the time of the Calamity that had been trapped? for over a millennium? huh. interesting. I just think it's funny how they just did that? freed the souls of the mages? who had been trapped? for a long time?

[c-is-for-circinate]

So as close as I am to fully escaping Hades for the first time, I figure I might take this opportunity to write down a couple of things I'm scared of from this ending. The story is so good so far! But I have seen good stories before! And there are patterns, right, patterns it's so easy for even good stories to fall into, so yeah, I have fears, and they mostly come down to Hades himself.

(Yep, this one got long again! People seem to be enjoying my game-reaction rambles, so, for your enjoyment under the cut: themes of separation and reunion, predictions for what Zagreus is the god of, and a whole lot of discussion of familial abuse dynamics, how they're depicted in fiction, and the work it takes to change them in real life. Stay warned! Stay safe!)

(ALSO, I still haven't made it past the first couple of chambers in the Temple of Styx, so no spoilers in the reblogs/comments please! Yes, even though the whole post is me going on about predictions and hopes and concerns about the path the story might take. I WILL GET THERE SOON.)

It has been really interesting watching some of the stuff the game is doing with themes of parting and reunion, and how that corresponds to life and death. So many of our social links are about reuniting estranged loved ones: Chaos and Nyx, Eurydice and Orpheus, Patroclus and Achilles. Hades is estranged from Olympus, Persephone left. And every time we leave, or try to leave, it is both an attempt at a parting (and Meg and Than are so hurt by that goodbye, or lack thereof) and an attempt at a reunion with our mother. Every time we die it's a reunion, every time we die it's fun, it's great, we get to go back home and check in with all of our friends and be impressed by whoever made Employee Of The [Timeperiod] and sell fish to the cook and put down yet more rugs. (My Zagreus has something of a rug addiction. What can you do.)

It's at the point where I feel pretty secure in stating that Zagreus is going to discover eventually that he is both life/death/rebirth god, and god of partings and reunions. Both halves of both of those things. People leave each other when they die and re-find their loved ones in death; you go away from one group of people to come back to another; you have to depart to return, and I really think that's where we're going to end up with Zagreus. He's going to reunite his various friends with their loved ones, he's probably going to restore communications between Hades and Olympus and even Persephone, he's going to reunite with his mom, and he's going to come back to the Underworld before he leaves to see everyone up top all over again. And of course the vehicle for all of this coming and going is death, because death is the ultimate departure and reuniter. (This is absolutely a religious concept containing a whole bunch of "oh hey our culture has a lot of Christian influence, doesn't it", Greek trappings aside, but that's fine, it's a game made in 2018 not 300 BC, these things happen. They keep calling the Underworld 'hell' and 'infernal'. It's all good.) Of course he's a cthonic god. Of course he bleeds, because you have to bleed in order to die, and Zagreus has to die again and again and again. That's his whole thing.

Thing is, though, looking at those themes, I am also continually aware of the fact that some partings are for a really good reason. Some partings should not end in reunion.

Yes, of course this is about Hades the abusive dad. I have been talking about Hades the abusive dad basically non-stop since I started playing this game, where did you think this post was going.

There are a few things I'm nervous about, separate but related, and at the core it all comes down to, I'm not okay with it if we learn why Hades got to be this way, and Zagreus forgives him as we-the-audience are meant to do, and Hades promises to do better, and nothing concrete about the situation is forced to change. Actual, meaningful, practical, logistical, non-hypothetical non-metaphorical change, not just for Zagreus but for Hades himself.

Because I know how this story tends to go, in fiction. Fictional abusive parents (especially in fantasy/sci-fi stories) tend to come in two types: 'coerced their offspring into actual murder with a side of physical abuse and optional unethical lab experimentation', or 'this was here to create character conflict, we didn't mean for it to read as actually abusive, this parent just has flaws to make them a good character, we swear!' Hades isn't the first type--we have never once seen Hades strike his son, or anybody, or even come out from behind his desk--which means that the fear is, always, always, in every piece of fiction, that he's the second. That the writers are going to decide that the right response to his abuses is remorse, forgiveness, and one really good conversation. That they don't realize it's abuse in the first place.

And, like. They have to know, right? They have to. They can't have done this by accident. (Sometimes, writers get so close by accident.) They can't have done so well at drawing out this situation simply by going, 'well, people are meant to fear this god, so they'd probably react like this, and I guess based on what I've seen in other stories or vague acquaintances they'd then do this,' and never put the name on the situation. Every single time we leave to the tune of a Hades word-flash, he's being dismissive, insulting, and sometimes downright cruel. He is cruel. They have to know!!!

But oh boy have I been consuming media for a lot of years, and oh boy have I run into a lot of writers who don't know.

Reconciliation is such a loaded word, but stories about dysfunctional families really do love it. Stories based around themes of reunion are primed for it. And of course, it's nice, it ties a happy ending off with a sweet little bow, everyone gets to be with the people they love and the family is safe and nobody gets hurt, but so rarely have I seen stories that show the actual work required to rebuild those relationships in a realistic or meaningful way. So rarely do stories trying to build that happy ending actually let the victim of abuse set and maintain boundaries. The character never gets to actually just cut the damn ties to the thing that hurt them. The character so rarely even gets to be safe.

And it's so hard in this game specifically, because "THERE IS NO ESCAPE", because every single thing about this game says that the story's not over when Zagreus gets to the surface, that no matter what he's going to have to come back. It's so hard, because this is a game about reunions. I am not going to get an ending where the abused kid trying to flee his toxic home and abusive dad actually gets to leave and stay gone, not in this one. And that hurts (I have watched and supported and done my best to help multiple real-life friends get the fuck out of homes like that, and stay gone, I have seen how hard it is, how complicated, how awful, and there are never stories for that), but I can live with it, if I get an ending where Zagreus is at least safe. Where things change. Where they really change.

Which is why I need actual, concrete, material changes in the logistics and power structure of the Underworld for this ending to be okay. Understanding why Hades is Like That doesn't cut it. Remorse doesn't cut it! Because look, even if Hades wants to do better, even if he admits he's at fault and tries to be better, he is still set up in a position as an all-powerful tyrant, and trying to become a better person is hard. There is nobody around who can keep him in check when he starts backsliding, which he will. Even if he doesn't want to, he will.

Because people are people, and it's really difficult to break patterns! Especially if everything around them stays the same. Hades is going to slip at some point, be cruel, be callous, be tyrannical, no matter how much of an effort he's making. Not to mention, it is STRESSFUL to face your own crimes and improve, it sucks, it feels bad. And what do habitual abusers do when they feel bad? What's the only coping mechanism Hades appears to have established for dealing with his own shit? That's right, it's inflicting suffering on everyone else around him. (This is why it doesn't really matter what circumstances drove Hades to act this way, why it can't matter--I believe that he is suffering, but he copes with that suffering by inflicting additional suffering on everyone around him, everyone who relies on him, and that's still true no matter what made him feel bad to begin with.) So then we just get a great old guilt-->lashing out-->more guilt-->more lashing out merry-go-round of abuse even as Hades is trying to change. That's how these things work. And yes, change is possible, improvement is absolutely possible, but the environment needs to change first. The system that enables and rewards Hades for acting this way can't stay in place. Things need to actually change, with people who are around to support Hades in his growth and also check his power, people who have power of their own to stop him. And however it happens, for this story with this protagonist with these goals to feel like a happy ending, Zagreus needs to be safe.

It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if those changes were mostly based in magic and fate and, idk, divine mind-control. (This story has been so grounded in actual human dynamics that a fantastical solution to a realistic problem would feel like a letdown, but if it actually solved the problem I'd be okay with it, more or less.) It would be okay, though a little disappointing, if the responsibility for bringing Hades to heel fell upon Zagreus and Persephone, if the two family members who he hurt badly enough that they felt the need to run away from him entirely now had to shoulder the burden of helping him fix himself. (There are definitely ways to write that dynamic better and ways to write it worse, and I think I trust these writers to land on the 'better' side of the scale, but I still don't love the implications.) I think I'd be pretty into it if Hades took a vacation off to Olympus to Work Out His Shit with his own family, while a coalition of Meg, Nyx, Thanatos, Zagreus, and Queen Persephone took over running the Underworld in his absence. I think we might end up getting some combination of those things. I'm hopeful. I think these writers might know what they've written. I think they might have a sense for what it'll take to fix.

But yeah, I'm nervous. (Nervous enough that I might switch to God Mode just to get through, combat has started getting really tedious instead of fun, I want to know what happens next, and this is a game and there is no shame in making it more fun for myself by making the boring parts a little quicker and easier.) I've seen so many stories go wrong. This one has done so much to earn my trust. We'll see if it breaks.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #389

“i’m well aware i’m a danger to myself  /  are you aware i’m a danger to others?”

How much do you weigh? Yeah, we're starting off on a bad foot. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Putting Roman's used litter in the trash. Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? Hm... I guess you could love them, but it'd be a complicated situation. What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? If it's purely for sport, from the very bottom of my heart, fuck you. Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? I'd say it's decently fast. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. My grandma lived there. Are you sensitive to caffeine? No. It does like... nothing to me. How do you usually get around? My mom's car. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? No actually, but I know I kinda am. What do you think about Kim Kardashian? I don't have an opinion of her. Can you speak any French? No. Favorite yogurt flavor? The only yogurt I've been liking lately is cookies and cream to add a different texture, because otherwise, I don't like its natural texture very much??? Idk man, my taste buds are wild. How much money do you have in your wallet right now? Just like $5. What bottled water brand do you like? Essentia. Your favorite way to eat chocolate? As chocolate bars, probably. How often do you listen to country music? Like, never. Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? Linkin Park. Last surgery you had? Pilonidal cyst removal. Have you ever played guitar? I briefly took classes for it in high school, yes. Best I got to was playing some of the intro to "Crazy Train." I enjoyed it, but not enough to be consistent and really learn. Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? I don't think so? What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? Independence and confidence would be nice... Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? No. Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? God no. I love my online friends. Half of 'em more than "irl" ones. Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? I have to be VERY invested in it to care THAT much. It happened most recently when Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty premiered. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? Early in the morning. I'm in a better mood in the morning. Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? I have a calorie-counting app, as well as one to track my period. Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? My mom's, best friend's, and psychiatrist's. If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? I don't really know. Maybe the very first Pride event? Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it? Ride a rollercoaster, for one. I know I never will, though. I'm too afraid of throwing up, but even more realistically, I fear passing out before of the twisting and turning and just standing up makes me very dizzy. My blood pressure is STUPID low. What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? Have kids. That's a big 'ole fat no from me. Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? Twice at least. Are you well-known by people in your area? No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, thank Christ. It sounds terrifying. What's your favourite type of bird? Barn owls. Melanistic ones, to be exact. Stunning. What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? I'm only keeping up with Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. Have you ever dated a smoker? For less than a day. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. Besides the school band. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. Do you have separate emails for personal and business? No. Have you ever missed a flight? Yes. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Multiple times. Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? I think once with my brother. Why did you last need to use a band-aid? I'unno. What fruit do you eat most often? Apples. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My ma. Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? A few times. I don't feel like thinking over this. Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? I've tried almond milk, and I hated it. If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? uhhhhhh idk When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? I'm essentially always in my room. If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No. Do you find piercings attractive? Yep. Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em. What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? Nothing beyond checking Jason's Facebook sometimes after the breakup, I think. Even that though I wouldn't recommend doing. You're just going to get yourself hurt. Stay away from exes' profiles. Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? Yep. I don't give a fuck what's in your pants, you don't hit anybody unless you're fighting to defend yourself. What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? I mean... define "old." I'll go with The Lion King for old, and for new, uh... Finding Dory, probs. Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. I don't really know what IS trendy right now... Is Snapchat still "in?" Because I've never gotten that. “Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? I think I'm kinda neutral about it? Like I mean it also depends on exactly what is said. I prefer more loving talk, though. What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? I'm a basic fatass that likes American cuisine most, aha... Like give me a cheeseburger and I'm happy lmao. How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? I love it more now at a short length than I ever did long. When it was long and I was in my deepest depression, I was awful about brushing it. It would get so knotted. Like looking back, it nearly makes me shiver. I HIGHLY recommend cutting your hair for anyone who struggles with selfcare. How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? I'm single, but hypothetically, if you're checking an ex's page nearly every day, I would not be okay with that. I'm totally fine with exes remaining friends and just cordially talking now and again, but that's it. It's a respect thing. Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? I personally like cologne if it's not overwhelming. I really don't care if you wear it or not, though. Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? This survey is so heteronormative. But anyway, unless there was an issue like it not fitting, I'd want my spouse to wear their ring. What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? There are a lot of reasons I don't want kids. I'm too selfish with my "me" time, I stress out too easily, I don't want to dedicate my life to keeping another person alive and fed and happy, I have bad genes... I could go on and on. I just wouldn't be a good, "present" enough mom. I am much more interested in ensuring *I* am okay. Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? Not at all. I mean I want a smooth and memorable wedding, but I'm not obsessed with it being perfect. Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? That's certainly not cheating, but I wouldn't like it. Being secretive about anything in a relationship is unhealthy, imo. I'd be hurt and also very insecure because I wouldn't feel like "enough." How old is too old for trick-or-treating? Honestly? I don't think you ever are. Like come on, does it REALLY matter? Let people have fun. I don't do it because of societal standards, but I would if I didn't care about being judged. Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? It depends on the temperature, but I normally wake up with them under. Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? I have an Ozzy one stored somewhere, but it doesn't fit me now. There was another I really liked too, but that one is WAY too small now. Fries or onion rings? Fries. I'm not a fan of onion rings. True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. Story of my life. I had one last night where I kept dying in different ways, and I actually felt the pain, like drowning in magma. Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah. What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? My mom has absolutely forbidden me to get a tarantula (uh, many tarantulas in my case) until I move out, lol. That doesn't stop me from checking Craigslist like every day. ;_; Have your parents ever caught you drinking? "Caught," no. Any time I've drunk, I've had permission or was a legal adult by then. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? First be humiliated at my appearance and then absolutely pass out lmao. Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? No, thank fuck. The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? If I know it's something they wouldn't do sober, absolutely not. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Any would be lovely, but the poem would appeal most to me because of the amount of thought that goes into poetry. Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? What? I don't think so, no. Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? Halloween. What was the first website you had an email account on? Yahoo. Have you ever written a fanfic? No. Tattoos or piercings? Both are grand, but tats win. What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? I saw this picture of a snake split open that had eaten another snake. Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? Lil cozy one! I don't want more space than is needed for cleaning reasons, as well as price. Do you have a tutor for anything? No. Who’s the best kisser you know? Jason was. Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? Ew, no. Do you have a deep voice? For a woman, yes. Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? Hi, I'm an adult. Is there a Sonic where you live? YES. It's my fave fast-food place. What do you like on your pizza? I have three go-tos depending on my mood: Pepperoni, jalapenos, or meat lovers.

[a-student-out-of-time]

You might as well tell us the whole story Kyoji?

Alright, so she came to me one night, about...five days before Saionji-san and Koizumi-san were kidnapped. She directly came to my clinic. How she evaded her brother and father, I have no idea.

But she had this extra addition for our plan she wanted to discuss.

_________________________________________________

So...you’re good with genetics, right?

I’d like to think I’m pretty well-informed.

Soooo...you know about cell division, hormonal fluctuations, bone growth, all that stuff?

Yes...? Why do you ask?

Well, Monaca’s curious. How long does it take before someone finished puberty?

There’s no hard limits, but for biological females, it begins around ages 9-14; for biological males, 10-16. After that, it lasts for about 2-5 years depending a wide variety of factors.

But you know what those factors are.

I do, yes.

So...hypothetically speaking, could someone go through puberty really fast? Like, could the process be accelerated?

It can, but that’s...usually not a good thing. Rapid aging isn’t what you think it means, that’s what’s called Progeria.

Monaca doesn’t mean that! She means, biologically, could someone go from a kid to an adult in a short amount of time? No disorders, no problems, just...really, really fast puberty?

That’s...quite a question. I...I suppose, hypothetically, it...could be possible. I’ve found ways to condense two years worth of healing into the space of about week. It’s not pleasant, but it’s possible.

So will you do it?

Huh?!

That’s what Monaca’s asking. Will you make Monaca into an adult? Please?

That’s so unethical, I don’t even know where to start...

Please...Monaca doesn’t wanna be a kid anymore. Monaca can’t do anything when she’s so young...

Monaca-chan...you’re asking me to find a way to have you skip over...what? 7 or 8 years of your biological life? What for?

This way, Monaca can become CEO of Towa Group even faster. She can help do so much for you and for Kasugano-sama. You said you’d help Monaca meet him, right?

I...I did, yes.

Still, Monaca-chan, there’s a lot that could wrong here. You could end up with a misproportioned skeleton, your heart may not scale up fast enough, you could suffer a fatal seizure, your body could give out in so many ways...

It’s a risk Monaca’s willing to take.

Or Monaca could just tell Kasugano-sama what you’re up to...

Oh. So this is blackmail then?

Nope. Monaca’s just thinking out loud, that’s all!

...Okay. I’ll work on a solution. Some kind of hormonal concentration, high amounts of TGF-β. It’ll be a lot of work...

But, actually, now that I think about it...this could give us an even easier time getting into their base. Thank you, Monaca-chan. You just gave me a great idea.

_______________________________________________________

And before anyone yells at me, no, I wasn’t actually going to do it. I made a fake solution that we brought in on. I convinced her brother that it would help heal her legs, and the idea was to keep her submerged for as long as possible until you all arrived. Thankfully, you all got there before she could’ve expected any changes.

[kingneptunesthinninghead]

How much do you weigh? what a weirdly personal question

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? sitting in the shade reading a book

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? yes but not in a way that will ever be truly fulfilling

What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? i live in a very rural area so i grew up with hunting for sport extremely normalized but once i actually developed and used my critical thinking skills i realized how morally reprehensible it is. literally just begging these people to use their brains.

Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? eh its pretty fast

Have you ever been someplace tropical? florida lmao

Are you sensitive to caffeine? somewhat. i dont really consume it that much

How do you usually get around? driving myself

Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? no bc i’m generally pretty independent unless i reallyyyy like someone

What do you think about Kim Kardashian? neutral

Can you speak any French? je parle un peu français

Favorite yogurt flavor? i’m lactose intolerant so i recently tried dairy free yogurt and i hated it sooo i guess none

How much money do you have in your wallet right now? i dont have any cash in my wallet rn lol

What bottled water brand do you like? deer park or aquafina

Your favorite way to eat chocolate? brownies

How often do you listen to country music? sometimes.

Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? neither

Last surgery you had? my wisdom teeth surgery

Have you ever played guitar? no but i wish i could

Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? um i dont think so

What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? a little more confidence

Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? maybe

Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? i dont have very many online friends anymore but when i had a bunch i loved talking to them

Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? only for something i really like.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? a bunch

Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? early in the morning so then i have the rest of the day to myself when i get off

Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? i have a workout app but that’s it.

Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? my mom, sister, and my 2 best friends

If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? probably the women’s suffrage movement or the civil rights movement

Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it?i want to tell him how i feel but i’m afraid i’ll ruin the friendship

What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? wear a tampon i’m sorry but i can’t do it

Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? no

Are you well-known by people in your area? eh somewhat

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no and i dont want to

What's your favourite type of bird? owls!!

What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? i’m watching loki, hsmtmts, planning to watch s2 of never have i ever, and i started one piece but i haven’t watched in a while

Have you ever dated a smoker? no but that might change😳

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? no

Have you ever been a member in a band? No.

Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No.

Do you have separate emails for personal and business? i have my school email and personal email

Have you ever missed a flight? no

Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? i think so.

Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? i literally rode in my best friend’s convertible last night lmao

Why did you last need to use a band-aid? i dont remember

What fruit do you eat most often? bananas and clementines

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? maybe my great uncle?

Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? no but i’ve been in a few on insta and twitter.

Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? i don’t straight up drink milk but i love things made with almond milk.

If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? elsa i want ice powers

When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? sometimes but normally during the day i’m in the living room with my family

If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No.

Do you find piercings attractive? Yep.

Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em.

What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? i’ve looked up a few people’s houses on zillow in my day.

Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? absolutely, you shouldn’t hit anyone

What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? my top 3 are princess and the frog, tangled, and frozen 2. i also love the little mermaid

Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. idrk

“Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? it depends on what it is. it should also be mixed with some loving or praise talk imo

What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? i LOVE italian food specifically fettuccine alfredo and i also love asian food such as general tso’s, sweet and sour chicken, lo mein, shrimp fried rice, LUMPIA 🤤

How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? i’ve always liked my hair color and thickness. i always go back and forth between growing it out long and cutting it short bc i can never choose which i like more also it has lots of red undertones so i’m thinking about dyeing it a deep red

How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? hypothetically it would be a red flag to me. a clear sign they haven’t moved on from the past

Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? a good smelling cologne on a man will quite literally make me bust a nut.

Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? i’d want them to unless it didnt fit or something

What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? i’m very close with my family so i’ve always loved the idea of having one of my own with my future spouse

Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? i definitely have ideas for my wedding and i would want it to go a certain way according to our plan but in the end if things go wrong or plans change it wouldn’t matter as long as i’m marrying the loml.

Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? i wouldn’t consider it cheating if he was just watching but i would be angry that he hid it from me

How old is too old for trick-or-treating? i dont think it matters unless ur posing a danger to little children

Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? depends but mostly under

Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? i have nsync and harry styles shirts but thats it

Fries or onion rings? Fries.

True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. all the time but most of the time i forget them right after i wake up

Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? depends

Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah.

What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? i think raccoons are adorable but its kindaaaa hard to domesticate them

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? no bc my parents let me drink in the house and i’ve told them abt every time i’ve drank at college

How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? i would absolutely piss and shit on myself.

Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? no

The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? i would stop it even if i want to bc i don’t want them to regret anything and i wouldn’t want them to kiss me if they don’t like me bc it would hurt too much.

What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? i would love them all but something abt a guy taking the time to write a poem for me makes me melt

Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? no.

Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? halloween

What was the first website you had an email account on? gmail

Have you ever written a fanfic? YES AHSHDH.

Tattoos or piercings? tats for sure.

What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? the scene where alexei breaks the inmate’s wrist in black widow is SO GROSS i cringe every time

Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? definitely a little cozy one

Do you have a tutor for anything? No.

Who’s the best kisser you know? i’ve only kissed one person.

Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way.

(If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? no and i hope they dont

Do you have a deep voice? not really

Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? no thats dumb

Is there a Sonic where you live? yes i’m a whore for sonic

What do you like on your pizza? pepperoni or sausage

[embeanwrites]

Finding Home (Gavin Reed x Reader)

Chapter 2

Read: Chapter 1 here!

         I had just left my apartment a little after 11 am and started walking towards the university. I couldn’t help but to think about lunch yesterday. I was surprised how well it went; my dad seems like a totally different person from when I last saw him. Connor has been really good for him, almost like a son and Connor seemed to look up to him like a father figure. As I walked towards my office, I wondered if that meant eventually, I would think of Connor as a brother.

         I walked into the Faculty Administration Building and up two floors to reach my office. As I got closer to my office I noticed Nines was standing patiently outside the door.

         “Oh! Nines, if I knew you were waiting, I would have come sooner!” I rushed over to the door and unlocked it. I walked in and he followed.

         “I wasn’t waiting long, Dr. (L/n).” I sat at my desk and gestured for him to sit across from me.

         “Nines, please you can call me (Y/n). I really prefer it.” He nodded. “So, what can I do for you?”

         “I wanted to talk about one of your earlier papers. You wrote a piece about the Stanford Prison Experiment and how you didn’t believe, at the time, the results would be any different with androids. However, deviancy wasn’t a known problem. I’m quite curious on how you reached that conclusion.” Nines leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees.

         “Wow, that is an old paper. That was one of my first in grad school, I’m surprised you found it. Well, Zimbardo found that regular college students in the role of the guards allowed power to go to their heads and they mistreated the ‘prisoners’ even though they were all very similar. I mention this in the paper, but I do think it would depend on the type of android and if everyone in the simulation is an android or if some are human. For example, if the guards were all AX400 models and the prisoners are human, I don’t believe we would get the same results. However, let’s say we remove the androids LEDs and mix them with humans, where the humans don’t know who is human or android and there’s a varying mix between each group in the role of the guards and the role of the prisoner, we would get the same results. Even without deviancy, the androids would know who is human and who isn’t, so if they are in the role of the guard, they would follow the lead of the others. On the other side, androids who were not deviant would comply with any mistreatment and therefore wouldn’t fight back from the guards.” Glancing at Nines, his stare was extremely intense and made me a little nervous. I’ve had to defend my papers to a lot of different individuals, in and out of academia, but never had to do so in a one on one conversation like this. 

         “What about now? If you could run the experiment?” He asked.

         “Well, I wouldn’t. The Stanford Prison experiment was highly unethical and did a lot of damage to the psyche of many of the participants. I wouldn’t cause that pain on humans or androids. Hypothetically speaking, I believe the results we would get would be the same as Zimbardo’s. Especially now, many androids have removed their LED and it’s sometimes difficult to pick out androids versus humans in a line up.”

         “What if they were all androids?”

         “Well, if this is before deviancy, I would say nothing out of the ordinary would happen. But today we do have android on android crime, so it’s reasonable to assume that similar emotions will arise from Zimbardo’s experiment.”

         “Yes, that makes sense.” Nines nodded and leaned back, seeming content with my answers for now.

         “I’m glad I could answer those questions for you. May I ask you one?” He paused for a few seconds before answering.

         “That seems fair.”

         “Why are you curious about this?”

         “It’s simple really. You’re one of the few people in academia who write about androids and more specifically android behavior. You’ve also been studying this the longest out of anyone I’ve seen, and you approach the subject objectively which can be hard to come by. It’s part of my job to understand human and android behavior and I would consider you an expert on the topic.”

         “Well, I don’t know how many of my peers would agree that I’m objective when it comes to my research, but it seems to come with the territory. What prompted you to come visit me so soon?”   

         “Detective Reed takes his lunch break from 11 to 12:15, since I don’t eat, I normally sit in the precinct. Recently Captain Fowler has asked me to actually leave the building for my break like Connor. For some reason, I think it upsets him seeing me sit there and not move. If it is alright with you, may I visit again tomorrow during this time?”

         “I don’t see why not, but Nines we don’t have to only talk about sociology. I would like to get to know you too.” Looking at him I noticed he barely turned his head, if I hadn’t been looking at him there’s no way I would have noticed. I wonder if he picked that up from Connor or if it was in both of their programming?

         “I’ve told you, I’m the RK900 model and I work with Detective Reed at the Detroit Police Department.” I sighed.

         “How about this, for every sociology question you ask me, I get to ask you something in return. About you or your opinion on something?” Nines looked at me unblinking for about thirty seconds before finally answering.

         “That seems fair. Do you have a question now?” I tried hiding my smile from him, it was always so rewarding to get androids who have stuck to their programming, despite being deviant, to talk about themselves.

         “Do you like working for the DPD?” I asked.

         “Of course, it’s what I was made to do.”

         “Yes, but do you LIKE working for the DPD?”

         “I don’t understand the difference you’re trying to get me to make.”

         “If you could work at a different police department, would you?”

         “No. The city has a high number of cases to solve and as difficult as he can be, working with Detective Reed is another challenge that has been interesting to solve.”

         “What do you mean?”

         “Well, when we were first partnered, he refused to even discuss cases with me. Overtime he’s seemed to warm up, maybe because I can finish both of our case paperwork in less than an hour. However, I have noticed unlike Connor and Lieutenant Anderson, Detective Reed doesn’t get upset with me when I use my forensics kit. He doesn’t like androids, but I think he prefers me to Connor.”

         “Well, Connor did knock him out apparently.” I said with a smile and I swore Nines’ lips twitched for a second as if he was going to smile.

         “Detective Reed will be returning from lunch soon.” Nines said while standing up, “I need to return to the precinct before he does.”

         “Does he get mad at you if he has to wait on you?”

         “No. However, it is easier to tease him about being late rather than teasing him for being on time.” I couldn’t help but laugh at Nines comment.

         “Before you go, here’s my card. It has my email, school phone, and my cell phone. In case you have any pressing questions. Please send me a message, so if something happens and I cannot make it before one of our meetings I can let you know.” Nines nodded and his LED flashed yellow.

         “I sent you a message. Have a good day Dr…. I mean (Y/n).” He said turning towards the door.

         “You too Nines! I look forward to our conversation tomorrow!” As Nines left, I relaxed in my chair. With this new job, many of my coworkers seemed hesitant to talk to me about my research, maybe they believed I was too radical. It felt nice having someone ask questions about my work and to show a genuine interest. I looked at my cell phone and giggled at his message.

          This is Nines, the RK900 android that works at the DPD

          Part of me wanted to poke fun at him, because of course I would know it was him, but I didn’t want to alienate him in any way. I looked at my other text messages to see what else I had missed during my walk and conversation with Nines.

          Hey! Me and some people from the precinct are going to get drinks at Jimmy’s bar around 7pm. Do you want to come? I think Connor’s going. Hank’s been trying to get him to hang out with people his “own age”.

          I bite my lip, I have been wanting to hang out with Tina, but I don’t know if I’m ready for questions on why I disappeared. I looked at my phone and decided to text Connor first.

          Hey, are you going to Jimmy’s tonight? Tina invited me and said you may be coming?

          Connor immediately responded.

          Lieutenant Anderson is forcing me to go. He said he was going to lock me outside the house until it was an “unreasonable time to be home”. Do you know what that means?

          Haha yeah. He wants you to hang out with other people, I guess. Branch out and make some friends. If you want, I can go with you and if it’s lame, we can just walk around and tell my dad we spent the whole time at the bar. 

          Yes, I think if you were there it may be better. I’ve tried going before, but I was the only android. I believe I made Detective Reed uncomfortable with my presence since I can’t drink, and he believes I record every conversation.

 Alright, well Jimmy’s is closer to the precinct, so I’ll meet you there around 6:45?

 Are you alright walking here alone? It would be no trouble for me to come to the university or your apartment first.

 It’ll be okay. It’s a short walk! I’ll see you at 6:45 in the lobby!

 Okay.

 I sighed gently, I had to go now. There was certainly no backing out now, unless I wanted to hurt Connor’s feelings. I swiped back to Tina’s message.

 I’ll be there.

[ourcorny]

charactersssss (a constant wip)

annie morris … twenty-five. currently haunted by her paintings and doodles. how embarrassing! waitress, artist, medicated for an illness she doesn’t has. is actually just from a bloodline of cursed female creative types. more info can be found @tghluck. (fc: mary elizabeth winstead)

edward ainsley … sixteen years old, is actually fifty-seven, vegan vampire. utterly disliked by his vampiric peers due to his being turned into a vampire in his youth, rendered sixteen years old for life. has a tendency towards alcoholism in order to silence his cravings for blood since he deems vampirism altogether unethical. more info found @pastytwat (fc: craig roberts)

robbie moore … fifty. always one of those too big for his own boots kinda guys – one of the ‘i’m jumping ship as soon as hit eighteen’ types. that’s what he did, and that’s when he absolutely fucked it. ran his mouth too loud for too long and ruined any chances he had anywhere he went. robbie is a writer but his unwillingness to compromise with his work leaves him unable to find any real place in the industry. an absolute self publishing expert. to pay the bills he’s an english teacher but there’s no real passion for it. he came back to his hometown after struggling his way around the country and settled down in a marriage with his high school sweetheart that turned sour quickly. the pair never had children and were heading to a painful divorce when his wife passed away suddenly. years down the line and he’s still trying to wrap his head around it. jesus fuck this guy. (fc: marc maron)

tara shaw … thirty-four. owner of SHAWSPB, an independent publishing company ran (run? past tense…? it’s confusing) by one tara shaw, someone who needs to work on her social skills. as it seems, you can actually only reject so many people so many times before it bites you in the ass. more specifically (and more accurately), you can only reject so many people so meanly after you fire the companies’ reader because they’ve let one too many trashy reads out of the slush pile and you have to start wading through the heaving thing yourself. opening manuscripts seemed well and good and safe enough because all you’d be facing is words that were crappy in a worst case scenario, until late one night, you stumble upon something that a sour faced rejectee (yes, one that landed themselves with a personalised handwritten and very specific rejection from the woman herself) gets their pages in the pile. tara opens it and finds that it’s no story at all. it’s a string of nonsense – words that don’t exist, script she’s not sure she’s ever seen before, but transfixed on the page, tara shaw reads the thing front to back and the second she puts the papers down is hurtled into the space time continuum, left to float around in there til something grounds her back into the real world, when or wherever that is. it’s an act of karma, or something, and whenever she lands she pukes her guts out because that’s what that kind of thing does to the human body apparently. (fc: natasha lyonne)

genevieve walsh … seventeen. was made fun of in year six for choosing to go to an all girl’s catholic secondary school, her classmates saying that she would end up a lesbian. she did, though it was unrelated to her formal teaching. very unrelated. she has too much going on and is too moody for her own good. extra info can be found @genegrieve. 

morrigan kenny … age unknown. bringer of the apocalypse. wanders earth with her way too long hair (it collects twigs and mud) looking for someone to spend the rest of the end with.

alex … thirty-odd (undisclosed actual age) years old. she is yet to learn to do her taxes, and is for all intents and purposes: a con-woman. arguably not an ethical profession, charging the old and the gullible for exorcisms and that of a supernatural variety while having no knowledge of the subject. but a girl’s gotta make a living — volunteering yourself for stand up gigs at the same place night in night out with little to no compensation doesn’t provide much. she’s a kind person, if you ignore the conning, and is decent to talk to. will give away any information. whoops. (fc: jenny slate)

lou webster … seventeen. modern prophet. refuses touch with good reason (skin on skin means she see the other person’s skin melting off, right to the bone). regularly sees the end of the world and it gives her stomach aches. (fc: natalia dyer)

liv o'dell … twenty-nine. screaming messy would probably win the lottery (the luck of her) if she ever tried it, multiple time accidental murderer. makes no sense. is rude. is annoying. has a surprisingly sweet daughter (kitty). more info @heavyroads 

betty cloverfield … a twenty one year old motormouth who can’t hold down a single thing she’s meant to. she happens to have recently induced some type of magenta sensitive dissonance in her sensory processing that she can’t shake. it’s speculated by many that she’s taken one too many poppers and it’s taken its toll. (fc: kat dennings)

aiden ryder … seventeen years old. the angstiest, quietest idiot with four fully charged portable chargers to hand at any moment you will ever know. heavily associated with @optimistsclub​ (fc: jack kilmer)

mert james ... 21. a children’s author, the writer and illustrator of the BEWARE GIANT CREATRUES series. he has many reasons to not want to leave his house and most surround the obvious images conjured in the phrase hatemyself1999 — hate myself (explanatory) and 1999 (dexter ‘mert’ james’ birth year. also self explanatory once you know this fact). all that said, he does in fact leave his house. teaches drums to kids. none of them practise and it makes him insane. in a running circuit of bands where none of the members are committed. that, or he’s misjudging their commitment and giving them nothing when they do in fact care and then he is the dick. music snob, deadpan snarker, karma houdini, middle child syndrome, world of cardboard, can’t get away with nuthin, i coulda been a contender!

lazyguts / victoria ... suicide/eating disorder mention. i’m writing her through ages 17-19 and here’s the brief overview/context: lazyguts lost all of her friends the year before she went off to university as a result of her total withdrawal [causes being a) her brother attempting to kill himself (he survived but it’s very confusing to grieve a hypothetical especially when you’re not supposed to talk about it) and then b) her already struggling with food issues getting worse worse worse. these two things alone are not the reasons as no one else explicitly knows about them, but the adverse effects of these things combined make her difficult to be around/hard to maintain a friendship with her. all very tragic, but still happens. uno].going to a uni where she doesn’t know anyone seems like the best move. she does. she makes friends with a girl called olivia and they become mad close very quickly. this lasts maybe two months until lazyguts starts locking herself away in uni room and doesn’t see much of anyone at all. she has to drop out on mental health reasons just before the end of her first year. she moves back home and lives miserably and very solitary. she and olivia have long lost touch by this point. a few months later she sees an in memoriam post up on olivia’s social media from some of olivia’s friends saying how tragic the loss is, etc/ olivia had killed herself. the post had said something about a project for the close friends of olivia and she tentatively sends a message despite having never really known the girl. anyway, after quite a few ‘exaggerations’ and then a few straight up lies, she ends up super into the friend group of olivia’s based on the lie of being a long-time friend of hers. she’s not sure why the lie comes out nor why she keeps it going. it’s something to cling onto so she does. best way to put it is she’s very dear evan hansen about it, lying lying lying lllyyyinng. eventually she’s caught out but we’re not there yet (fc: odessa a’zion)

dale knox ... 30ish. painter/decorator. info literally not ever written out before. he’s lovely and in a constant state of stress! affiliated with @fullyfungi (fc: aidan turner)

lenny gata ... 26. lonely funeral poet. followed by a select few of the unknown dead #irl after an accidental latin spell read out at a graveside (not her fault, literally not her fault - she read this out in good faith). caught ignoring them/walking them to their homes depending on the day. (fc: aubrey plaza)

millie matthews ... 17. half part antichrist. the other half is her twin sister (#MISSING). currently, unfortunately, sadly, disappointgly, worryingly, being tracked down.

more tbaaaaaaaa thank you thank you

[thisiswhatwereupagainst]

These little cuties are Manon (girl) and Maxime (boy). They’re twins, their last name is unknown, and they were students at the Xavier’s Institute in an alternate timeline. It has not been stated thus far who their parents were, but said parents were students themselves at Xavier’s too in their youth, and having mutant parents is speculated as to why their abilities manifested early, before puberty. Manon can manipulate memory, implanting false memories in the minds of her targets, while Maxime is an empath, able to make others feel whatever emotions he wants. They were originally nice, happy, normal children despite the great burden of such gifts...until they were kidnapped from the school by Ahab. For those not aware, Ahab is the guy in charge of the “Hound” program in the Days of Future Past timeline from which Rachel Summers did. It’s unknown what he did to brainwash and warp poor little Manon and Maxime, but they became loyal to him, doing as he said and using their powers to create more Hounds for him, and even appearing to enjoy it. They did this to several members of the X-Men, until Jean Grey figured out how to defeat them and undo what they had done to her fellow X-Men. At Cable’s request, she took the twins back to the school to take care of, since the twins timeline now no longer existed so they needed a new home, and since the kids were innocent before what Ahab did to them. They now live on Krakoa, apparently without adult caretakers. Though they might be free from Ahab, the effects of whatever he did has remained. While they seem to still be sweet, happy, normal children on the surface, they’re manipulative and deceitful, in particular Manon. They often seem to want to help, and genuinely so, but will do so in the most unethical way possible with their powers, such as altering the memories of other people in order to make them happy, or making bad guys kill each other (rather than, say, just make the bad guys think they were friends with the X-Men) They don’t seem to understand that using their powers casually on others, even with the best intentions, is a deep violation. So, they’re manipulative little shits who horribly violate the agencies of others even when they mean well, and jump to the most violent solutions possible when they DON’T mean well. They’re the worst kinds of psychics, basically. And that’s actually why I really, really like them. Telepaths in Marvel have a general problem with consent, and that’s going to be even more difficult for a kid, and I like seeing that explored. What I like seeing even more is abuse victims whose symptoms aren’t sympathetic. People generally tend to imagine victims of abuse as only having likeable, sympathetic symptoms. Things like fearfulness, nightmares, difficulty trusting, and so on. Things that you pity. Things that don’t hurt anyone else. Things that make you want to hug them. But in reality, many abuse victims, especially child survivors, often have much more “problematic” issues than that, including being manipulative and deceitful (because they learned to do that to placate their abusers and survive), not understanding the concepts of agency and consent because their own was violated or never regarded in the first place so they don’t understand what appropriate boundaries are  (one of the BIGGEST signs a child has been sexually abused is if they’re sexually aggressive with another child or adult), and, yes, stuff that may make them dislikeable or hurt others. And they deserve compassion too. Victims who have “uncomfortable” or “problematic” symptoms deserve love and help too. Especially kids. But media doesn’t like that, and neither do fans. Unless the character is a villain, their symptoms will always be the nice, palatable, sympathetic kind. The kind that don’t make anyone uncomfortable. That’s only for “bad” victims who are villains and/or “just as bad as their abuser” But Manon and Maxime don’t fall into either category. They’re not “good” victims. But they’re also not villains either. They’re traumatized kids who are doing their best to try to be “good” again after having been brainwashed into villainy, but no one is shown to have actually gotten them any mental help post-rescue, so they have no idea WHAT to do. They have powers that are innately invasive and violating, and that’s hard enough for a kid to figure out, even WITHOUT the additional challenge of their history. They also seem to seek out pleasing adults who are in authority, such as reporting to Sebastian Shaw and “wanting to help” in general with whatever adults are doing, which I would guess is also symptomatic of their trauma of answering to Ahab, but of course the stuff they do to try to help is totally unethical. Someone absolutely should be helping them, and it’s not like there aren’t lots of members of the X-Men who can’t/aren’t great candidates for it, or any number of hypothetical Krakoans who might have experience/qualifications for therapy work with young psychics and/or traumatized children. And maybe that’s happening offscreen. But thus far all we’re shown is these kids just playing on Krakoa unsupervised and then trying to use their powers to help but using them in problematic ways because THEY’RE KIDS and THEY DON’T KNOW BETTER AT THIS POINT because NO ONE HAS TAUGHT THEM and then they only get scolded AFTER the fact, but there’s no real WORK with them being shown to really heal them and re-educate them. Again, maybe it’s all going on offscreen, they can’t show us EVERYTHING that’s happening to EVERY character but I just...feel like it’s not. And I really want someone to help these kids, cuz goddamn I am really attached to them, not IN SPITE of them being “unlikeable” victims but BECAUSE of it. I really want to see more of them---and watch them get better.

[mynameisdreartblog]

Structural Isomers 2

Leo: 2,3-Dimethylheptane. It’s just… my life is so average that I gotta force myself into others’ situations; how else am I gonna get a thrill? Do you feel me, Viz? <The amusement park ride begins to take off, revealing the mildly broad view of the Guatemalan cityscape. The smell of barbeque holds back the tears Oro was ready to shed because ferris wheels strike a particular emotional nerve for him.> «Uh… my advice is that what you’re doing isn’t necessarily a bad thing. To be philosophical, nothing anyone does is bad.» Even murder and like, murdering children? «Yeah, not even that can constitute you as a bad person. And that’s true ‘cause everyone alive now has come here with a purpose, and those purposes can manifest in many ways in our lives.» <The carriage buckles a bit, enough to make noticeable the snot on Oro’s hand> ...You sound like you’re heading into some wacky territory, but I’ll bite. <Viz takes another bite into the corndog that seemingly materialized from his pocket> «So, because of this highly encoded model of fate, that means that even the worst shit that happens to you happens for a reason.» Even cancer and like, terminal cancer? «Redundant, but yes.» Hmm… <Oro takes a small bite of Viz’s corn dog while he’s distracted> I think there’s some moral holes in that, Viz. «It’s funny ‘cause that isn’t real either!» Okay, you’re just fucking with me now; may Jesus find your lost soul. «Sounds like you can’t see past yourself!» <The carriage buckles again but harder, knocking the corn dog out of Viz’s hand and revealing the loogie Oro was hiding.> So you’re saying that it’s commendable for me to put myself where I don’t belong? «Hold on, I never said that, but… actually, you should just be proud for who you are. Take yourself as you are, and you can then begin to do the same to others. Forget about the idea of souls and deeper selves entirely.» Whatever you say, homie.

Taurus: 3,3-Diethylpentane. «Gresham.» <He peeks his head from washing the dishes to divert attention to the voice that called him> What is it, Sanjay? «Hmm, I was gonna ask you questions about how nonsensical this world is, but my mind immediately shifted to asking you how you got to this point.» This point? Like, the quality of life I possess currently? «What else?» I would’ve preferred to point out the ridiculousness of this whole ordeal, but I understand your shift. Shoot! «Do you think the ways you’ve gotten to where you are now were… unethical?» There’s a lot you’re holding in your mouth when you ask a question like that. As a lover of difficult questions, I won’t answer that until the day’s done. «Uh-» No complaining, or I’ll cut your pay by 30%. <Sanjay thinks to himself> That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to him about: He has to be aware, right? There’s no way his skull is that dense, and his jokes are too clever! <Gresham finishes washing the last remaining plate and slides it atop the rack. Afterwards, he walks back to his usual position in the restaurant and waits for any new service.> [...] <Sanjay flicks his used cigarette from his mouth and onto the elaborate ashtray outdoors. In impatience, he goes back inside and demands the accountability he thinks he deserves> «It’s been three hours and nobody has shown up; you want to start removing that answer’s date back?» <Gresham breaks his inhuman concentration to make a firm statement> Clean up your ashtray first. «Are you teaching me an ecological lesson? Is this some lesson of your Tantra?» No, I’m just conscious about any numbers of fires that could emerge from cigarettes. «Fine.» <As Sanjay begins to go back outside, Gresham speaks again> Trust me, I wish I could escape the clutches of this cast we thrive and suffer under. However, no matter where I go, the world still refers back to where I came from. Is there value in not persisting forwards but backwards? <Sanjay looks back with hesitation, thinks briefly “the Manusmriti?” but scoffs at his datedness> Also, If you walk out, I’ll assume you’re doing terrible things, so don’t. «What about the-» The ashes will know where to go. «Why do you put on this faux mystic attitude? You’re a restaurant owner!»

Aquarius: 2,6-Dimethylheptane. <Aukai finds herself awake in her unsheeted bed, further disorganized beyond possibility. She forcefully motions her lips and breathes words of lucid wisdom through her dry chords.> There’s an anxiety that grips me sometimes, and it’s that every passing second I don’t recognize the artistic potential of something, it gets lost to time. What I fear the most is my head getting cracked wide open, losing consciousness, and awakening to a future that robbed me of beautiful scenes for new pieces. «This anxiety seems… unlike you.» <Aukai is surprised by the fact that her client is awake. Fear would gain control of her if it weren’t for him snoring afterwards, indicating it’s sleep-talking> Men are more beneficially judgmental when they’re asleep, huh? Whelp, I can leave while the night’s still middle-age. <Aukai gets dressed, particularly struggling to get her galoshes back on to weather the incoming rain. Once outside, she dashes through the rain almost oafishly, betraying the expectation of feminine grace. She thinks to herself> Even beyond how ridiculous it sounds, the life of an artist is a religious one: One where we’re conflicting our reality with the one produced on canvas. Well, that’d make the process more like the foundations of a religion than the application of it. The completeness isn’t there yet, but hopefully I can figure it out by the time I’m home. <The moonlight becomes secondary as the artificial lights create new scenes at every corner, torturing Aukai’s poor, traumatized eyes. She simply looks into her hands to avoid all these temptations.> [,] <There’s now tears mixing in with the raindrops, and on the way home, Aukai is stopped by an obstacle she couldn’t see coming. Facedown in the asphalt, she looks up to see a beautiful scene, etching itself into her eyes to haunt her next gig.> G-goddamn you <Aukai pounds her fist into the ground.>

Pisces: 2,2,4,4,-Tetramethylpentane. <Maghazi is walking down the crowded afternoon streets of Dakar, gleefully filling his lungs with the smell of pollution and fried fish. Here, he feels at one with the natural world, leaving no space for false misconceptions of the monism he lives and, well, breathes. Here, there’s people he can both condescend and praise, leaving ample room to leave a web of both shrinkage and growth. His baggy pants are scruffed from the leftover paint of the bricks he vaulted and leapt over for the style of the action: Something to move the body he believes serves no purpose other than preserving the valuable brain.> Hmm, my ears are pointing me somewhere ambiguous: 20 meters away. <It appears he’s detecting something his senses designated as important to him. Despite this, he was never really the opportunistic personality, at least never one that took what was in front of them. Maghazi takes more determined steps, inching closer to the source> If I had to guess, it’s likely a drone chip. They don’t exactly make their existence a secret <He rubs a special knob on his glasses, enabling a process we can’t witness or understand> …Found them. <Maghazi stumbles upon the source, which is a group of teenage boys in an alleyway kicking around a hacky sack, which he believes to be the source of the signal. Wondering how to approach, Maghazi comes to only the most optimal method> Oh, it looks like I’m substituting today. «Man, who are you talking to?» You guys: Who else? ²«Nobody agreed on that.» I never said it was democratic. All I need now is to be in this space and access to that hacky sack. «Get your own.» What if I told you it was an explosive device ready to go off and I was the only one who knew how to disarm it? «We’d die happy then.» <Maghazi is irked as there’s no other plans of approach left. In defeat, he walks away with a hunched demeanor. He thinks to himself how humorous it’d be if the hacky sack blew up like in his absurd hypothetical, but he’s quickly disappointed by the unpoetic reality> Nothing’s gonna happen.

[alimitlessife]

Why life is a violation of human rights and other issues with breeding.

Several weeks, yes, weeks ago, I had never heard the term Antinatalism. Antinatalism is the philosophical position that asserts a negative value judgment towards birth. In other words, it's better never to be born than to suffer and inevitably die. (I probably stole that from somewhere.)

Reading about this interesting theory I have realised things about myself. Things of which I was unaware, one of these is that I am an Antinatalist. I have been since I first watched the Matrix at age thirteen. I was obsessed with that movie and have been consumed with dystopian movies ever since.  

I will take a moment to dispel some of the myths surrounding this theory from my own perspective. My opinion in this area is usually met with 'so you hate kids.' No, I love children, they are wonderful. 'So you're depressed?' Again, no, I love my life very much, I have been blessed with a great many things to be thankful for and I am thankful for them. People then descend into confusion. They wonder what possesses a well balanced, educated and happy person into such a depressive state of mind (their opinion, not mine). 'Then why don't you kill yourself if life is so bad?' My life is amazing and while we're here we should absolutely make the most of it.

I have found the confusion is due to a conflict within human nature itself. As David Benatar rightly observes, humans are positively biased towards their own existence. At our core, we are biologically programmed to be positive about our lives. This is regardless of how bad life actually is and we strive to survive even when we're suffering. Death is the unseen enemy and we are programmed to fight it at every available opportunity. The unknown is not our friend and we should treat it with fear and caution. The answer for many is to breed. We breed to feel secure in legacy. We breed to feel like we have achieved something in what is a relatively pointless life. We breed to feel wanted. People breed and on a scale that is terrible and terrifying.

So, I hear you ask, if I like children and am not depressed then what is this all about?

My answer is a simple one, logic. I won't reiterate more of Benatar's findings as they're out there to read. My personal logic is that the world is a mess. We are polluting it, destroying our Ozone and even in the western world, we are slaves, slaves to the daily grind, slaves to capitalism. I, for one, don't want to bring a person into this world because I feel like they will simply struggle. They will suffer because of these things and much more. An unborn cannot consent to the suffering they would endure and that is unethical to me. Who am I to decide that their suffering is worth it? Article 3 of the European Convention on Human Rights, states a Prohibition of torture. It explicitly states that 'No one shall be subjected to torture or to inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.' By that very definition bringing a child into the world goes against their human rights. Life itself is a form of torture, isn't it? Childhood is parents working, fighting to keep everything together. It's constant want of things and upset rather than this idealised image that is portrayed. Adulthood is a fight, a battle to make it in a world ruled by the one per cent. The egomaniacal upper classes who let us believe myths like veganism and recycling will save the world.

Living within a capitalist system is a form of torture. You work, you live, you fight to get things to carve out a socially accepted life and then you die. People search for the meaning of life and the only real meaning is the one you create for yourself. In the meantime, no one tells you how to live only how not to and every other objection is hypocritical contradictory shit. On the off chance, you may receive intelligent and caring parents, wonderful. To have parents who give you advice and guidance means you are lucky. You may even have had a relatively nice life but this is not the case for most. So, you stumble and mull around in the metaphorical dark until you find somewhere to fit. Most never will, most simply follow the checklist of life and never really get the hang of it. They find someone and are unhappy because, well, monogamy or they settle. Then they get married, typically breed and the cycle perpetuates until you die.

There is also a further issue that comes to mind. I would potentially adore this, my hypothetical child. Yes, I like kids and I would love my own, I know it. So, why would I bring it into a world where it would suffer? I will have to suffer alongside it. I hate being the master of my own misery; it feels much too much like narcissism for my liking. In addition, losing my time, space and sleep would also be cause for misery. Again, going into that with my eyes wide open feels much like narcissistic behaviour.

I am of the opinion that I'm not special. What dictates that my genes are unique enough to perpetuate? Why is my lineage one that should survive? Even if I could justify it I'll probably reduce my offspring into a damaged adult. One who has not only my flaws but some extra just for them, which seems like cruel and unusual punishment. (I probably stole that too)

Yes, this all seems very pessimistic. You're already looking past the logic to the justifications of the endless suffering. You're already saying 'but life can be good.' Sure, in places, fleetingly. I can hear you thinking 'but I want kids.' That is the most selfish sentence I've ever heard, especially taking into consideration the above. Adopt, do something kind, negate someone of the suffering of someone already alive. Hubris, that's what breeding is, plain and simple. You want, you need. You, not them. They don't exist and cannot suffer while they don't.

The final thought is 'Well if we don't breed we'll die out.' Good. There are a million reasons why humanity as a whole should cease to exist. Not overnight necessarily, a perpetual decline would be better to negate suffering (Thank you, Mr Benatar). But yes, humanity is a bad thing. We believe our own lies. We are entitled and superior because of our intellect and it is annoying.  Mr Smith from the Matrix summed it up aptly:

"Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. "

When I consider all the above it leads to the only possible conclusion. Mr Smith is correct, humanity is a virus and Antinatalism is the cure.

[early-sxnsets]

Hey!! I just read your answer to that one anon about straight people in queer media and I agreed with everything ! I do have another question, though. is it ok for straight people to read smut of m|m or w|w ships?

hey darling! sorry it took so long for a reply; this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days as i’ve been running around hectically, but hey! answering it now!

long answer short: depends on the context

since this is such a complex answer, i’m going to go a lot more in depth with my opinions, but may i emphasize that these are my opinions. this is a topic that really does depend on who you’re talking to, but i’m seeing this with a “here are the facts in correlation to my experience, therefore this is my conclusion”.

i’m putting a ‘keep reading’ cut because i’ll be mentioning some very mildly NSFW stuff (in reference to my answer), therefore proceed with slight caution

to start this off, we have to think of the context of smut, how it’s used within fanfics, and the implications of reading smut. for sake of the argument, i’m not going to write what type of relationship is showcased in the smut *yet*

there is, of course, many types of smut. porn with plot, porn without plot, smut that’s within a larger fic that may only take up 10% of the story, if even that, etc.

in addition, we have to keep in mind what purpose smut usually serves within a fandom setting. it’s unlike most pornographic content, as in there’s a pre-set character and a context that they’re in (typically), as in reference to a setting we’r familiar with. we care about these people, and they’re performing a bodily action that hey, (most) people do at some point in their lives! in my opinion, (some) smut is comparable to television shows on premium networks that allow sexual content within the scenes. it’s a general “oh boy, they’re fucking! golly-jee!”

with the context of smut and the types of smut in mind, let’s dig deeper

let’s split them into two groups: fics that are about smut vs. fics that have smut.

let’s dig into fics with smut:

fics with smut, whether porn with plot or larger fics with smut in them typically follow a guideline of a story. they’re not there as just an outright fuck-fest, but rather have a story to tell. yes, even porn with plot. for example, here’s a pretty stereotypical porn with plot: person A and person B know each other somehow (sometimes friends, sometimes enemies! who knows!) and end up hooking up. then they do it again. and again. oh boy now they’re smashing but wait, there’s feelings??? what now!!! well, now there’s probably an emotional fuck, which leads to them talking and resolving into a relationship, right?

there’s a story told within that; it isn’t simply characters just smashing to smash, it’s an analysis into a character’s personality and how they would react to a situation that (typically) involves emotional attachment through sexual actions. hence, the term porn with plot. it’s like any other story, just with, yknow, sex as the driving factor.

then of course, there’s the story with smut. typically these involve either relationship building or established relationships where smut is used for one of two reasons, both of which involve trust. whether it’s a couple’s first time being shown in the fic, or it’s shown in the fic as part of their routine as a couple, or maybe even to show comfort. sex is, after all, isn’t inherently taboo and for most people, it’s a common part of life, so some writers chose to include it in order to show that.

let’s look at fics that are about smut now:

oh boy, someone’s getting down and dirty. you open the fic and maybe there’s a little exposition, but surely enough, a couple paragraphs down and wham, they’re at it.

there are called porn without plot. these fics can explore a number of things, such as possible headcanoned or canon kinks a character may or may not have, or it could be an exploration into how a character may act in a sexual setting, and so on.

with that aside, it’s still one thing and one thing only: sex. nothing much else to it. they smash, then it’s over. maybe it finishes with them cuddling or going on with their day, but that’s all. there’s no fancy way to put this, they’re just fucking! it’s probably the closest thing we get to pornography in fandoms without super-committed cosplayers and/or artists.

therefore, i need to highlight that that fics that are about smut are pornographic in nature. i’m not gonna call them outright porn, but they call it that themselves. porn with plot.

may i also include, before we continue, that there’s no shame in porn overall. i’m a sex-positive person and i say hey! have fun, adults! yknow, as long as you’re consuming it ethically!

now the difference is cleared, let’s look at consuming smut in correlation to one’s sexuality.

may i emphasize that we’re using “porn without plot” as something used to evoke arousal in those attracted to the people within them in the context of these examples. i am aware that there are plenty of people who read them just for the sake of cheering on their faves gettin’ it on, but i’m using a hypothetical context. 

let’s use a couple example people in example situations.

straight guy read WLW porn without plot

straight gal reads MLM porn without plot

lesbian gal reads MLM porn without plot

lesbian gal reads WLW porn without plot

straight gal reads WLW porn without plot

immediately, we see a stereotypical, frequently referenced situation: straight guys watching (or in this case reading) WLW porn. most people see that automatically as wrong, right? this is because he’s unethically consuming this content that’s of people he’s attracted to and therefore sexualizing for their SGA (same gender attraction) and consequentially, fetishization. 

in the same type of content, a lesbian gal consuming WLW porn isn’t unethical; she’s expressing her own sexuality through content of people like her.

let’s flip it. straight gal consuming MLM porn is literally the same thing as a straight guy consuming WLW porn. that’s it. it’s not rocket science, it’s someone consuming media that’s the sexualization of SGA in someone they find attractive, therefore is, say it with me, fetishization. 

but we have a lesbian gal reading MLM porn. what’s she going to get out of it? probably, nothing, right? so what about the straight gal reading WLW porn? i think that’s fine, since hey, she’s not getting anything out of it! it’s not her fetishizing it for her own satisfaction.

i see the last types of situations as “sideline cheering”. i know this may sound odd, but your faves are getting it on and you just feel like cheering for them? yeah! cheer! i’ll use an example of friendships: i have MLM friends who tell me about their sexual experiences with their partners, and i’m not attracted to men, but i’ll cheer them on as a friend hearing about their friend’s good times (in a situation were we both open to sharing these details, of course). i see reading porn without plot while it doesn’t apply to you as that kinda stuff; supporting your pals having a good ol’ time.

now to move onto situations of fics with smut in them.

personally, i feel like anyone can read fics with smut in them because they tell a story. they serve a purpose of storytelling, and they just so happen to include sex, perhaps as a plot point, but maybe as an exploration of character(s) in a deeper way than “i wonder what they’d do in bed”.

now, i know that sometimes, the situation blurs, but for the sake of the question at hand, i’d say the context depends on specifically what type of smut the straight person is consuming.

again, as a disclaimer, this is my opinion. i fully understand people who have differing opinions in this, but this is just how i feel about the subject. 

[lingthusiasm]

Transcript Lingthusiasm Episode 22: This, that and the other thing - determiners

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 22: This, that and the other thing - determiners. It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 22 shownotes page.

[Music]

Gretchen: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that's enthusiastic about linguistics! I'm Gretchen McCulloch.

Lauren: And I'm Lauren Gawne, and today we're talking about this, that, and the other thing! The other thing of course being determiners. But first: We met our recent Patreon goal to do a live show!

Gretchen: Yay, live show! I'm excited! We will have more news for you about where and when that live show is gonna be, but stay tuned!

Lauren: Thanks to everyone who helped us meet this goal, all of our fabulous patrons who make these main episodes happen ad-free and available for everyone, and who, of course, as a thank you from us, get a bonus episode every month as well!

Gretchen: And if you're a patron, you'll also have seen the advance announcement that since we also met our art goal a while back –

Lauren: Yay, art goal!

Gretchen: – we now have preview art up on Patreon which you can see, a sample sketch, and we're announcing here that the theme for this art is space babies!

Lauren: Space babies! We are so excited. Space babies have been with us since Episode 1, where we talked about what would happen on the International Space Station, given that they speak both Russian and English as their daily languages, if we sent a whole bunch of babies to space to grow up.

Gretchen: Yes, if all the astronauts and cosmonauts started having babies together, what would the babies speak? So we have an international array of cute babies floating in space, very unethically, we are not sending any actual babies to space, but they're very cute when they're cartoon versions!

Lauren: We just couldn't get the ethics.

Gretchen: To be honest, we didn't try to get the ethics, we knew we couldn't.

Lauren: We've talked about space babies in a couple of other episodes, and of course we always love to chat about just what great language learners babies are, so we're very happy to have some cute little mascots for the show. And we'll be launching merch for those very soon!

Gretchen: And this has been one of our most popular quotes with you, the listeners, all the way through, so you will get to wear, or have stickers of, small, cute babies very soon! And you can see this preview and listen to two new bonus episodes – one about forensic linguistics, and another about homonyms – by becoming a patron.

[Music]

Lauren: Okay, Gretchen, it's time to determine who knows the most determiners. Are you ready? This is not a competition, but, you know, I love framing things as a competition.

Gretchen: It's a competition! It's on! Okay. I'm gonna start with "the."

Lauren: Oh, damn, you chose the easy one! I'm gonna go with "a."

Gretchen: My.

Lauren: This.

Gretchen: Your?

Lauren: That?

Gretchen: Her.

Lauren: Its.

Gretchen: His.

Lauren: Many?

Gretchen: Their... I did all the possessives, I'm sorry, it's really easy.

Lauren: That's very possessive of you, Gretchen.

Gretchen: Our!

Lauren: Some?

Gretchen: A.

Lauren: Three.

Gretchen: And also "an," because "an" is just kind of the same one.

Lauren: Okay, you get half a point for "an" because I had "a."

Gretchen: Uh, those.

Lauren: Four.

Gretchen: These.

Lauren: Five.

Gretchen: Some.

Lauren: Six.

Gretchen: Okay, if you're gonna do numbers we can be here... all day.

Lauren: Seven.

Gretchen: Like, until eternity.

Lauren: Eight, nine... okay, we have literally an infinite number of determiners ahead of us. It's probably not gonna make for a good episode if it's just me counting to infinity.

Gretchen: I think we need to declare it a tie, because we can't count who knows the most infinity numbers.

Lauren: Yup. And it's a good conclusion. Thanks for playing our game, Determiners Determinered.

Gretchen: Determiner Determiner Game. But determiners are really cool! And there are a lot of them, and I know when I learned about them, it kind of blew my mind that all of these different things that I thought of as different kinds of parts of speech actually had this hidden thing in common.

Lauren: Yeah, so even though that sounded like a grab bag of words that you think of as coming from different categories – like numbers, and possessive pronouns, and articles, and things that you've talked about as different parts of speech – if you've ever done any grammar, are actually part of the same group of things called determiners. And it's like discovering that all of these people that you thought were really cool all have something in common that makes them even cooler?

Gretchen: Like they all have a mutual friend with you, or – in my case, it's like discovering that all your friends are all also left-handed, because this happens to me periodically. It's like, "You're left-handed, too! Great!"

Lauren: Or it's like when I discover that a bunch of my friends are vegetarian and I'm like, "Yes! Dinner parties at my house!"

Gretchen: I will still come to your dinner parties even though I'm not vegetarian.

Lauren: Okay, thank you, tolerant carnivore.

Gretchen: Omnivore!

Lauren: But that's like, you know, there are some omnivores who will turn up to the party, and they might be doing different things at other parties sometimes, but they're very happy to be vegetarians at my parties. And that is kind of like determiners, these parts of speech that might have other jobs, but they have this job as well.

Gretchen: Yeah, and what I really like about determiner is that they're these tiny little words, and they can really drastically change the course of a story you're talking about, just by influencing the perspective or the relationship that you have with the main noun in the sentence. So if you start with a story like, "I was walking home last night and I saw a cat." So far...

Lauren: Great story.

Gretchen: Oh, it's a good story, any story with a cat is a good story. But so far it's a pretty straightforward story. Nothing surprising here.

Lauren: But it's clearly a cat you don't know.

Gretchen: Yeah.

Lauren: Or we think you don't know, at this point in the story.

Gretchen: But if I say, "I was walking home last night and I saw the cat..."

Lauren: Oh my god, your cat got out and then you saw it!

Gretchen: So maybe that's my cat, but maybe that's just, like, The Cat of Doom.

Lauren: Mmm!

Gretchen: Or, like, "I was walking last night and I saw that cat."

Lauren: Aw, has it been scratching up all of your plants again?

Gretchen: That darn cat! Or if I say, "I was walking home last night and I saw your cat..."

Lauren: Oh! I mean, that's surprising given that you live in a different city and I don't have a cat, but, you know...

Gretchen: We live in different continents, like, your cat is a good swimmer! "I was walking home last night and I saw many cats..."

Lauren: Oh, lucky you!

Gretchen: Well, depends on how many. "I was walking home last night and I saw a million cats!"

Lauren: "I was walking home last night and I saw at least ten cats."

Gretchen: Like, I'm scared now. You know that thing about “would you rather fight a horse-sized duck or a thousand duck-sized horses?”?

Lauren: Yes.

Gretchen: Like, a million cats, I don't want to fight them!

Lauren: No.

Gretchen: And I don't even think I want them all to sit in my lap, because I think I'd be crushed.

Lauren: Yes, that is a lot of fluff.

Gretchen: Yeah. So what's interesting about determiners is they can – you know, all of these were the same story, except for the determiner. And it's really having a huge influence in terms of what happened and the relationship between the noun "cat" and the rest of the sentence, the rest of the story. It determines which cat I'm talking about, or – "which" being another determiner – or what kind of relationship that cat has to the sentence as a whole.

Lauren: I always think of determiners as a really important reality check in terms of semantics. We often think about whether it was a cat or a dog, like that part of the meaning is really important. It's like, well, that part is, but the determiner is the part that makes it clear just how real it is, if it's a hypothetical cat, if it's a real dog, if it's my cat or my dog.

Gretchen: And especially it tells us things like whether it's been previously mentioned in conversation. Like if I say, "I saw a cat" or "I saw the cat" – if I say, "I saw the cat," that implies that it's been mentioned somehow before, it's an aforementioned cat, or it's a cat that's been previously relevant. Or if I say, "I saw this cat" versus "I saw that cat," those cats are different distances from me. Or, you know, "Do you want this book or that book?" The "this book" is closer and the "that book" is further away.

Lauren: I like to think about this proximity distinction a lot, because English has squandered the opportunity to have yet another proximity distinction. Because we used to have "yon" or "yonder" as part of the regular vocabulary, which was, like, further away than "that." And so I could say, "Tell me about yon cat," and that would be like, "Tell me about the cat that's all the way over there" in the story that you're telling.

Gretchen: That would be great. I think we should bring back "yon."

Lauren: We should bring back the far distal demonstrative.

Gretchen: I'm into it. I was walking home last night and I saw yon cat!

Lauren: Well, I mean, it was the size of a horse, so it was pretty easy to see.

Gretchen: That's why I could see it from so far away.

Lauren: Yep. And there are some languages that still have these distinctions, I think Portuguese is a language that has it.

Gretchen: Yeah, I know Spanish does. You can have, like, "ese gato" and "aquel gato," I think.

Lauren: Yep. And you can have a distinction between "essa," which is like me/you in Portuguese, but you can have "aquela," which is like over there, away from both of us. Which, in terms of like asking people to fetch cake for you, which is a context I think about a lot, distinguishing between the cake that's near you and the cake that is further away on the table and not near either of us, like, English doesn't do that very elegantly.

Gretchen: I think it's really important, you know, if you're going to a bakery or something and you're looking behind the glass and you're saying, "Yeah, I want three of these, and three of those, and three of yon."

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: The cakes over yonder!

Lauren: So English, even though it has a lot of distinctions, we're still missing out on some good semantics.

Gretchen: Yeah! And some languages don't have this distinction between "a" and "the" at all, really! Like, some languages do just fine without it, and it's clear based on the discourse which one is there. One of the other cool things that I really like about determiners is that they can let us do – like a lot of these little little, tiny parts of speech, these little words that are kind of the glue between the big, important content words that have all this very vivid, drawable or picture-able or pointable meaning – you know, you can draw a picture of a cat, you can't draw a picture of a "the" or of a "this." I mean, maybe you want to try! I'd like to see someone try, but I don't know what's in that picture! And so when you're thinking about the type of things that can be pictured, one of the things that lets us bring in and integrate new words, or nonsense words, or fake words, or be really creative with language, is these little building blocks that tell us, when we're bringing in a new fake word, what we're actually trying to do with that word. So it's not just an entire string of gibberish, it's gibberish that sounds like it could be kind of English-y, which is a really interesting halfway point.

Lauren: And it does this by leveraging things like determiners.

Gretchen: Yeah! And determiners are a huge part of this. So if you have a poem like Jabberwocky, which is a great poem...

Lauren: Good old Jabberwocky! I give this to my students and I say, "Well, how do you know what part of speech 'wabe' is?" Because "wabe" is not a real word.

Gretchen: So this is a poem by Lewis Carroll which begins, "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves/ Did gyre and gimble in the wabe." So it's English-y! It's got some English in there, there's an "and," and there's a "the," and there's a "did," and there's an "in," but there's also all these words that aren’t English: brillig, and slithy, and toves, and gyre, and gimble, and wabe. And yet we know that if you say, "'Twas brillig," that the "brillig" there is gonna be an adjective, and the "slithy toves" – "slithy" is also gonna be an adjective, but "tove" has got to be a noun.

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: And the reason we know that is because of the "the" there.

Lauren: And similar with "the wabe." There's only one wabe in the Jabberwocky, there's not a million wabes.

Gretchen: Yeah! And you know that because of the "the."

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: And it creates – if you said, "'Twas brillig and some some slithy toves did gyre and gimble in a wabe..."

Lauren: You'd be like, "Oh, just one of those common wabes, yeah, we've all got one."

Gretchen: Exactly! So it really kind of creates a different attitude of perspectives and speakers, like, okay, this thing is common knowledge. We don't know what a wabe is, but we know it's a thing that is previously mentioned in the discourse, or that there's only one of, the way you might say "the sea" or "the ocean" rather than "a puddle."

Lauren: Of course Jabberwocky's all well and good, but I like to use snek memes as my diagnostic tool.

Gretchen: So this is the meme with the snakes in it.

Lauren: And snakes, of course, like all animals in picture memes on the internet, talk really funny!

Gretchen: Yes. And they're particularly good at making things nouns that aren't supposed to be nouns?

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: Or that weren't originally nouns. So the classic snek sentence that I always think of when I think of the snek meme is, "Heck off, you're doing me a frighten!"

Lauren: And there are a few others that we have from Snekville here: "I do a flat." "I am much venom." "Snek ned a boopings." "I'm doing a protec."

Gretchen: And so all of these – you have "a frighten." "Frighten" normally in English is a verb, but here the "a" is what's making it into a noun. And you parse it as a noun, that's what makes it work, but the determiner is really what's telling you. It's kind of the traffic signal for the streets that your noun and verb cars run down, that tell them where to go.

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: And the same thing with "much venom," the "much" there, another determiner, is telling you, okay, "venom" here, which would be a noun, is now actually I guess kind of...

Lauren: It's a different kind of noun, yeah. It's changing the flavor of the noun.

Gretchen: Yeah. Or "snek need a boopings," you know, you don't normally put "a" with a plural noun. "Boopings."

Lauren: Because "a" is one specific thing.

Gretchen: Yeah, there's a lot of things there that – like, the thing that makes snek an interesting and creative meme is that it has the determiners telling you here's why these nouns and these adjectives and stuff sound weird.

Lauren: I like that you pointed out, when we were assembling our mini snek corpus for the episode, that snek is really obsessed with the use of "a" rather than "the."

Gretchen: Mm, yeah. So snek doesn't say, "You're doing me the frighten," or "I do the flat," like I do the twist, or "snek need the boopings," "I'm doing the protec." Those don't sound very snek-like to me!

Lauren: No, there's something about the indeterminate. Everything is possible for snek, everything is multitudes.

Gretchen: Yeah, whereas when I think of earlier memes, especially the kind of lolcat memes that often respelled "the" as "teh” –

Lauren: Yeah. Well, I think it's just 'cause the "the" as "teh" was so much more salient, because it was graphically irregular, that it kind of seems much more prominently "cat."

Gretchen: Yeah, I think of "teh" as cats and "a" as snek. So each each animal meme gets its own characteristic determiner. Well, and we can even think of, like, the doge meme, which has like, "wow such meme!"

Lauren: Doge was very obsessed with "such" and "much" and these, like, quantifying...

Gretchen: And "many."

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: Yeah, all these quantifier determiners. So, yeah! They tend to draw on a characteristic set of determiners, which I think is kind of interesting.

Lauren: Yeah. "Do me such frighten" would be more doge-y.

Gretchen: Yeah, and like, "Do me teh frighten" might be more lolcat-y.

Lauren: Yeah. Gosh, imagine if Lewis Carroll was alive in the time of animal memes!

Gretchen: I feel like Jabberwocky is already almost a meme. If you put that on some images, it would kind of look meme-like. And I think you can even see – so we did an episode a little while back about the wug test. So the wug test is, you show people a picture of this cute, little, nonsense animal, and you say, "This is a wug. Now there are two of them. There are two..." And you leave open that space for them to fill in "two wugs," which is how you know people can generalise the plural to words they've never heard before, even little kids.

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: But the thing that makes that test possible is that we have certain expectations and certain relationships with determiners. "This is a wug." So here's a new piece of information to you, you haven't necessarily seen one of these before. And then saying, "Now there are two of them. There are two..." You know, numbers are also determiners, so "there are two..." fills in, okay, you want to say this again, you want to say this noun again.

Lauren: I wonder if you could mess up kids doing the test by saying, "This is the wug."

Gretchen: Hmm!

Lauren: Because if you say, "This is the wug", and imply that there's, like, one, saying there are two could potentially confuse them.

Gretchen: Yeah, that's interesting! Because there are some things that... Can you do this? Because I'm thinking of, like, there are some proper names that you can say, like, "The Flash," for a superhero, but I don't think you can say, like, "Now there are two of them, there are two... The Flashes?

Lauren: The Flashes.

Gretchen: Like, what if The Flash was in some sort of, like, clone/evil twin weird movie where there was a second The Flash, are they now called The Flashes? How does that work?

Lauren: The Flashes. It sounds like a really bad band or a spate of petty criminals.

Gretchen: This is my band, The Flashes.

Lauren: Yeah, so the wug test also relies on determiners in a really low-key way, but it's still really important for it.

Gretchen: And this kind of brings us into determiners and how they interact with names of people or names of places and other types of proper nouns that are unique and singular.

Lauren: Yeah. So we've said so far that determiners, you just whack 'em on a noun and it's all good, but there are a bunch of nouns that they don't work too good with! And proper nouns are definitely those, so people names and place names.

Gretchen: Yeah, like I am not "the Gretchen," I don't think anyone can say that. Welcome to Lingthusiasm, I'm the Gretchen McCulloch!

Lauren: But you are the Gretchen of Lingthusiasm. Someone could ask if you're the Gretchen from All Things Linguistic.

Gretchen: That's true, yeah! Like, "Are you the Gretchen that's on Lingthusiasm or are you some other Gretchen?" I think maybe it's easier with your name, Lauren, because "Lauren" is a far more common name.

Lauren: Well, yeah, I am definitely a Lauren. Like I talk about being a linguist Lauren on Twitter, and how much I love all the other linguist Laurens.

Gretchen: I know many linguist Laurens.

Lauren: And saying, you know, in the 2000s that someone was a real Britney...

Gretchen: Mmm!

Lauren: It takes on a kind of adjectival title property of that name being very trendy at that time and having certain connotations and extra meanings.

Gretchen: Yeah, like, a Britney is definitely different from a Karen.

Lauren: Yes.

Gretchen: You have different associations between those. So, I read this really weird short story called "And Then There Were (N-One)" by Sarah Pinkser.

Lauren: Hang on. "And Then There Were N Minus One"?

Gretchen: Yeah, it's a pun on the Agatha Christie story, "And Then There Were None."

Lauren: Okay.

Gretchen: And the premise of the story – I guess this is a spoiler. It's a great story, though, you should read it. I won't spoil the ending.

Lauren: Okay.

Gretchen: I'll just spoil the premise partway through. So the author is Sarah Pinsker, and she kind of involves herself as a character in this story. She gets a mysterious letter that says, "We have discovered the theory of multiple universes such that every decision that anybody has ever made has created a proliferation of universes. And we're inviting you to a convention with all of the other Sarah Pinskers.”

Lauren: Ah, so she's just a Sarah Pinsker.

Gretchen: Right! And so you're gonna meet the Sarah Pinsker that didn't move to Seattle, or you're gonna meet the Sarah Pinsker that didn't end up dating your girlfriend. Like, you're gonna meet all of these different, other Sarah Pinskers.

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: And some of the Sarah Pinskers have changed their last name, but they're still a Sarah. And so the story has a lot of her trying to identify the different Sarahs once she meets them. So she's like, "Okay, so this is the Sarah that was wearing the band t-shirt," or, "This is the Sarah that was wearing the cute dress,” or, "This is the Sarah that had her hair in a long braid."

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: Or she'll go into a room and she'll be like, "Well, there were seven Sarahs in the room." Or like, "One Sarah said, and then another Sarah said..." And so you're doing all of these determiner things to this proper name, because suddenly "Sarah" has become a type rather than just a unique referent.

Lauren: "Sarah" just sounds like any other noun right now.

Gretchen: Yeah! Right? Like, you're totally semantically satiated on "Sarah" because it just doesn't even feel like it's a person's name anymore. And by the time I got to the end of this short story, which was very interesting in terms of what it means – you know, interesting questions of identity – it was like, what do all of these Sarahs mean and what does this mean about your ability to make these types of decisions? But grammatically I also thought it was very interesting because you don't often get to have proper names being pluralised and "the Sarah" and "a Sarah" and "one Sarah," "another Sarah," and these kinds of things.

Lauren: Certainly not sustainedly.

Gretchen: Yeah! So you have this whole short story where it does that. We'll link to it, it's a great short story.

Lauren: I find it interesting – we were talking about this briefly the other day when we were talking about this topic – how superhero names do this, and I couldn't find anything, because this is definitely not my genre of popular entertainment, but if you have any links about the use of "the" or not in front of superhero names. It's kind of interesting, because we have, you know, The Flash and The Phantom, but it would be really weird to have The Superman.

Gretchen: The Batman!

Lauren: The Wonder Woman.

Gretchen: Well, I was actually also thinking of this in terms of other mythical creatures! 'Cause you have, like, Santa Claus, not the Santa Claus. But then you have –

Lauren: But you have the Easter Bunny!

Gretchen: The Easter Bunny! And the Tooth Fairy!

Lauren: Hmm! Santa, special status.

Gretchen: Right? And all the reindeer, too. Like, you have Rudolph, not the Rudolph.

Lauren: The Mrs. Claus.

Gretchen: The Mrs. Claus! I guess you have "the elves," because they don't have unique identities, but that's a little bit less distinctive.

Lauren: Yeah. Poor elves.

Gretchen: Well, and the same thing goes for other types of generic items. So you have, like, the internet, but something people kind of make fun of sometimes is often older people who talk about, like, "the Google" or "the Facebook."

Lauren: Well, the Facebook was The Facebook and they made –

Gretchen: Yeah, it was originally called The Facebook!

Lauren: The mysterious forces of branding and naming were like, "It's not cool, just make it Facebook."

Gretchen: I was trying to think of any other major companies that had "the" in them. I'm sure I'll think of one as soon as I stop trying to go for it. Like, you don't have like "The Amazon," or "The Microsoft," or "The Coca-Cola." You know, like... The Coca- Cola?? The Pepsi??

Lauren: It doesn't really work.

Gretchen: The McDonald's? I don't know if there are any that really do that.

Lauren: English isn't that big on putting determiners in front of proper nouns, unless it's in sci-fi.

Gretchen: And you do have, sometimes, "the" in front of other words that are just kind of generic, like you say, "The power went out."

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: It's the power, it's not a power. Like, the electricity is out. It's a specific thing, but it's also kind of not.

Lauren: Yeah. And this is what makes languages always fun to learn, because what you do by default in one language and use determiners all over the place in one context, you might not in another language.

Gretchen: Yeah, absolutely. Like in countries. Most countries in English you don't say, you know, "the Canada" or "the Australia."

Lauren: Welcome to the Australia! It does not sound natural or native to my English speaker intuition.

Gretchen: No. But a few of them – like, you say "the United States" or "the United Kingdom," partly because those are compound phrases.

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: You don't say "the Great Britain."

Lauren: No.

Gretchen: Or "the England." And then you also have some like Ukraine, which used to be known as the Ukraine, and now they're like, "No, please call us just Ukraine, because we want to be like all the other countries." But there are still a few countries like the Vatican or the Hague that go by "the"s.

Lauren: Uhh, The Hague is a city.

Gretchen: Is it a city? Okay. Well, so there we go.

Lauren: So there are a few places like the Vatican and the Hague that are still using determiners in English, but it's definitely not a standard convention.

Gretchen: Yeah, exactly. But in French, for example, you do put determiners in front of all your countries. So you have "le Canada," and "la France," and "l'Australie," and these kinds of things. So these are these, like, weird, little subtle variations that even when a language seems like they have direct equivalents, they get used slightly differently in different contexts. My favourite ridiculously complicated word having to do with determiners...

Lauren: Yep. I've already used the word "proximal" in this episode so you're gonna beat me.

Gretchen: This is a word that you only ever use because you can have it, and I've only ever seen linguists use it to be like, "What a great word!" And I've never actually seen it in a context where someone wasn't sign-posting how great a word it was? So definitely don't think you have to know this word to be a linguist, but also a lot of linguistics really like this word. And this word is "anarthrous." I think I'm pronouncing it right.

Lauren: Anarthrous?

Gretchen: Anarthrous. And this means "not having a 'the.'"

Lauren: Mmm! That's a really obscure word for saying "this word doesn't have a 'the.'"

Gretchen: It's such a complicated word for such a simple concept. And so "arthrous," without the "an-", would be "having a 'the,'" and "anarthrous" would be "not having a 'the.'"

Lauren: Anarthrous also just sounds like a really great roller derby name for a linguist nerd.

Gretchen: Hi, my name is Ann! Ann Arthrous.

Lauren: Yep, done.

Gretchen: So a context where you might use this, and a context where I recently saw this word, was in Lynne Murphy's book, which we talked about in a recent episode, where she talks about how Americans will say, "I'm in the hospital," and Brits will say, "I'm in hospital." And so for Brits, "hospital" is anarthrous. And for Americans, "hospital" is arthrous, as in, you put a "the" there. And you can do it  with similar things, like, you go to school, you don't go to the school.

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: But you go to, like, the grocery store, which is the generic grocery store, even if you mean a specific one.

Lauren: That's a good word. Try to use it in a sentence today.

Gretchen: Use it today! No one will understand you. And then you too will get to explain what it means! This is the thing that's always stopped me from getting any active use of the word, 'cause I know no one else would get it either.

Lauren: We'll post a link to that in the show notes, so you also know how to spell it.

Gretchen: Lynne's got this great point in her book where she talks about the "in hospital" thing, and then she's like, "It's anarthrous!" And then she puts in brackets, "A word which I only use because it's so great, and here's what it means." And I'm like, yeah, I see what you did there.

Lauren: Pretty much.

Gretchen: I would have done the same thing.

Lauren: So we mentioned briefly that even English can't agree on when you use articles and determiners and when you don't use them, and that varies even more cross-linguistically. We saw it with English and French, but I also like that different languages have different resources to draw on. And we talked about how determiners are this diverse group of words that can kind of be invited to the same party and hang out together and do a similar thing. And I think it's really interesting, if you've learnt a couple of languages, you might notice that some of the languages you speak have a distinct word that meets the function of "a" or "an," but some languages just co-opt their word for "one" in doing that.

Gretchen: Oh yeah, that's true!

Lauren: Yeah. So, Syuba is a language like that, the Tibeto-Burman language of Nepal that I work with. So if you want to refer to an indeterminate, just any particular one of a thing, you would say "gùri tɕí," "one cat," and that does the same job as "a" without having to invent a whole other word.

Gretchen: I think there are a bunch of European languages that do that too, because I know French and Spanish do, and German does, you have "un chat," or "un gato," or "eine Katze." And those are all the same as the word for "one" in those languages.

Lauren: And there's a there's a really great WALS map – we've talked about the World Atlas of Linguistic Structures before – that shows where there are languages that have a distinct type determiner and languages that use the numeral one for that function.

Gretchen: Oh, that's very cool. So we can click on this link and see a map of different coloured dots where the word for "a" is the same as the word for "one" and where it's different.

Lauren: Yep!

Gretchen: That's really neat!

Lauren: And the definite equivalent, so the "the" equivalent, is "dì," and that's the same as the word for "this."

Gretchen: Oh, okay!

Lauren: So they don't have a separate "the" and "this," they just have this one form, "dì." They have a distal, and they have a "somewhere between far and near" as well, super cool. And what's really cool is that for the "the" equivalent, you say "dì gùri," or "the cat," and in this case the determiner is before the noun, and with the number, it was after, it was "gùri tɕí" so that's "cat one" as a kind of literal translation. And it's really, again, a nice reminder that determiners can have such different functions and they can occur in different parts of the sentence in relation to the noun, but they still all have this same function.

Gretchen: And there's a map of that, too, of which languages have their word for "this" and their word for "the" as the same.

Lauren: Yep. Thanks, WALS!

Gretchen: What I find is kind of the most interesting thing about determiners as a category is the way that they kind of unify a bunch of things that we think of as similar. Latin actually has this thing that's very similar to what's in Syuba, which is their word for "this," which was "ille, illa, illud" in Latin, became the Romance "le, la, les" or "el, los, las."

Lauren: Ahh! I was gonna say, they sound familiar.

Gretchen: Yeah! And so the Latin word for "this" became the word for "the" in the Romance languages.

Lauren: Mmm!

Gretchen: So this is a thing that happens from language to language, even when they have no contact with each other, and they've never heard of each other, and they're nowhere near each other geographically. This is just a trend that languages seem to have. And the same thing for – have you ever wondered why we have two forms, "a" and "an"?

Lauren: Yes? But it's because – I mean, I know the environments that they occur in, that "an" occurs before something vowel-y or something H-y, but that's a complicated historical complication.

Gretchen: Yeah. But "an" is actually older than "a," right?

Lauren: Ahh! Yeah.

Gretchen: And the "an" that's an "an" is because it has the same root as the word "one" in English.

Lauren: Mmmm! I have the Etymonline links, as I always love to do, for "a" and "the" that I'll put in the show notes.

Gretchen: So if you go to Etymonline and you look up the word "one," you can see that it's the same root as "only," or "alone," or "atone," which is like, "at one," "all one."

Lauren: Mmm!

Gretchen: And in the dialect form "good'un" or "young'un," that "un" is a "one" as well. But the "one" pronunciation came up later, and "an" was also a version of that.

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: And so if you have "own" and "an," you can hear how those are very similar to each other, and they're from the same root. So English actually has that connection. But the thing that makes me the most excited about thinking about determiners as a group is that it helps explain a few things about how we use determiners. So if you have a word like "the," you don't just go around saying "the" by itself in a sentence. Like, you can't say, "I saw a cat, and then the kept going on," or something like that. Because that does not work.

Lauren: You missed a word, Gretchen!

Gretchen: It needs a noun there, for support. But other determiners like "this" and "that," they can act by themselves without support. So you can say, "I saw this cat, and then this kept going on." Maybe that's not particularly good sentence, but you can say, like, "Give me this book and then I'll move this here," or something like that.

Lauren: Yep.

Gretchen: And so you can, you know, like the title of this episode, "this, that, and the other thing," the "this" and the "that" in that sentence can each refer to specific things without there being a noun there for support. And what's interesting is that the pronoun "they" in English comes into English from Old Norse, and it has the same origins as "this" and "that" and "the." They're all related to each other in terms of, like, "that one" or "those ones" or "these ones." All of those "the" forms are related to each other. So some theories of determiners group all pronouns together with determiners, because a determiner by itself – at least the ones that can appear by themselves, like "this" and "that" and "many" – act a lot like pronouns as well. And other languages also seem to have this set of relationships between what some of the pronouns can be and what some of what we think of as articles or something can be. And so if we group them into this category of determiners, it actually explains why these seem to have these weird similarities with each other.

Lauren: It explains why everyone's at the same party!

Gretchen: Yeah! It's like seeing into the underpinnings, or the behind-the-scenes view of language and saying, actually, these things, if we think about them from a certain perspective, they do have a lot of weird similarities.

Lauren: So like with Syuba, we have "dì" being both "the," which has to be part of a noun phrase for it to make sense as a "the" equivalent, but it also has its own full life as "this" and can occur independently. And so the thing I like about thinking about all of these things as determiners, rather than thinking about pronouns and articles and all of this, is that it makes a lot of sense as something that would otherwise be really confusing and you'd be trying to give it a kind of double identity that's unnecessary.

Gretchen: Yeah, and it's weird to me that "determiner" as a name for this particular category is actually around 100 years old. It's pretty well-established. And it's weird for me that all through school, I never learned about determiners, I just learned about articles, and demonstratives, and pronouns, and possessive nouns, or possessive adjectives, or whatever they called all of these individual things. And I didn't learn that there was a name for the super category? And you can talk about articles separately if you want to, but it wasn't until I started doing linguistics that I learned there was actually a name for this whole category, even though this is something that's not controversial among linguists, and it's something that's generally accepted and, you know, you walk into Ling 101 and they might start talking about determiners. And it's weird to me that this hasn't necessarily trickled all the way down to high school grammar education, or elementary grammar education.

Lauren: It does make me sad you have to wait until you're in a linguistics undergrad class to know that there's even a party going on and the determiners are all there!

Gretchen: Yeah! And, like, I'd studied a bunch of language and I'd learned what I thought were my parts of speech, and then I walk in and I'm like, "What is this determiner thing? And how is it everywhere? And why is it so cool?" So I think people should know about determiners! I also have some determiner haikus to leave us with.

Lauren: Excellent.

Gretchen: Do you want to hear my determiner haikus?

Lauren: Sure, go for it, now that we know all about them.

Gretchen: Okay. So this is a multi-authored set of determiner haikus from Tumblr a couple years ago, and the first one is: 

The best thing about the definite article is that it is the

A good thing about indefinite articles is that they are a 

The best thing about using the demonstratives is when you go, 'This!'

Lauren: That was beautiful.

Gretchen:  All that my best thing re: some those determiners is all the above

Lauren: Thank you for those. I'll link to them on the show notes if you want to reread them and process them.

Gretchen: You should definitely do that in case people want to write their own grammar haiku. If you write a grammar haiku, tag us in it, and we will retweet it.

[Music]

Lauren: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Google Play Music, SoundCloud, or wherever else you get your podcasts. And you can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. I tweet and blog as Superlinguo.

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[human-resourccs]

He Just Likes The Rush - Ch. 2

First Chapter Here.

Next Chapter Here.

In which poor long-term decisions are made and strange friendships are forged.

~1870 words.

It had been roughly a month since Jonathan Crane had caught the eye of Gotham's very own resident Riddler, and with each completed trap room Edward had only found his interest piqued further. Nobody had ever done anything like this before - not… not willingly, anyway - and never with such perceived…

He frowned slightly, searching for the word. Determination? Compulsion? Both and neither would suit.

Like clockwork, once or twice a week he would trip a switch and escape with mere seconds to spare. He'd suspected, and promptly had said suspicions confirmed, that Jonathan was not simply wandering into harm's way due to some sort of spectacular death wish; a caught glimpse of a weak smile that could only be described as 'giddy' upon exiting to safety on one occasion made it clear he was enjoying his brushes with death.

...That being said, the Riddler would still be adamant that there was no threat if you had even a quarter of a brain cell to your name.

At any rate, the man was proving to be quite a great source of amusement. Edward had begun to look forward to these little shows, wondering what the limits of this stranger's intelligence were. He was almost rooting for him. Almost. In his background check - because of course he did a little research on him - he'd come across the doctor's thesis on the innate fears of human nature; it was a good read despite the absurdity of it. He was never driven by fear, after all. Perhaps it rang true for the common man, though. Maybe it wasn’t quite as crazy as he thought. Hmh.

It was then, as he observed the other emerge unharmed for the umpteenth time that he realised that this was becoming an unnecessary distraction; he kept finding himself wondering if the man would make good conversation. He was quite obviously a cut above the rest with regards to his intelligence. Obsession with fear aside, it was… difficult… to find intelligent - or even non-hostile - conversation amid the other Rogues. It left his mind feeling stifled; like kicking against the bedsheets that stick to your legs on a hot night. A rubber duck could only do so much with regards to any given discussion.

This would not do at all. Edward did not have the time to waste on hypotheticals, what-ifs, or maybes. Uncertainties were what he was put on this planet to solve and he resolved to do so immediately and with all of the grace and finesse that he was so famous for.

There was really nothing else for it. No answer to be had that didn't involve simply meeting this fellow for himself. It wasn't as if he had much to lose, and a tolerable conversation partner to gain. Where was the harm?

--

Jonathan was no fool; he had presumed that his repeated ventures would have garnered the Riddler's attention at some point or another. He simply was not concerned. If the rogue had any issues with the setup, he would have made them abundantly clear to him before now - subtlety pointedly not his strong suit, despite his proclamations of finesse.

This, however, did not mean that Jonathan had not been preparing for the eventuality that he would be confronted by him; on the contrary, he considered it an opportunity. Not exactly the picture of morality and quite frankly becoming tired of sneaking mediocre, watered-down chemicals from the university lab, he needed better resources. Making a few connections to the underhanded workings of Gotham would speed things along quite nicely, actually. If he played his cards right he might even find himself in a position to discontinue testing on volunteering students and move onto folk that'd be…. Less likely to be missed.

His research was being restricted by the need to stay well within safe parameters; as much as he enjoyed working with the steady stream of failing students seeking extra credit, it really just wasn't feasible to push their minds and bodies as far as he really wanted to. Needed to. The frustration of knowing that he could be doing so much more with his work was becoming increasingly harder to bear; a little more mental effort each time to show restraint. His patience would only extend so far.

So it was really quite convenient for him to find that upon his return home from his late-night working that the Riddler had unceremoniously broken into his small apartment and simply made himself at home, apparently.

As he fumbled loosely with the keys to the door he was met with a familiar voice, free from the crackling and slight fuzz of cheap stereo speakers.

"You really live like this? And here I thought the uproar of the day was supposed to be professors being paid too much."

Convenient, if incredibly irritating in a way that Jonathan found he'd already become bizarrely accustomed to due to the repeated exposure to him via audio playback.

"I think I saw a colony of rats starting to form a rudimentary monarchy in your couch stuffing. Something about rallying against the sentient mould on the wall."

Jonathan cocked an eyebrow and turned to close the door, responding in deadpan;

"Wasn't aware I was due company. Would've thrown a blanket over it."

The quiet noise of disgust behind him brought an amused smirk to his face. So he kept a clean house, then. Noted.

He brought himself to a neutral expression again as he turned to properly regard his welcome intruder; his current exhaustion was quickly depleting his patience toward niceties, but he was determined to make the most of what may be his only chance at such a connection.

The Riddler was standing in the doorway to his living room, leaning against the door frame by what appeared to be the fewest points of physical contact he could manage whilst still looking nonchalant. Germaphobe, then? Jonathan inclined his head to the side slightly, and paced further into the apartment.

"You intending to stay a while?"

"If you're offering tea, I think I'll politely-but-firmly decline."

"Suit yourself."

Definitely a germaphobe.

He strode past the man into the living room, shucking his jacket and throwing it over the back of the slightly sunken, worn couch that sat flush with the wall. The Riddler had turned, slightly stunned and possibly offended by the lack of surprise at his sudden arrival, and followed suit into the room

Perhaps Edward should've opened up with a musical number instead.

Opting to stand, he leaned forward slightly upon his cane - one that mirrored the gaudy depiction of the first death trap, Jonathan noticed - and recovering quickly from his slight shock, tilted his head with a flashy smile.

"You're a rather curious man, Doctor Crane."

He held out a gloved hand, palm up.

"What kind of University professor risks his life on a regular basis for kicks? Now that is a conundrum."

Jonathan met his gaze but made no comment, which Edward immediately presumed to be an indicator to continue, which he did.

"And the answer, well, I was certainly pleasantly surprised. You're quite a busy man when you aren't grading papers and tripping death-… solving puzzles."

Jonathan wondered why the Riddler's domino mask seemed to have such a great deal of work put into it. The eyes were completely obscured; didn't look like regular glass, but he was no expert with hardware. He remained silent, brow furrowed slightly.

"Imagine my abject shock and horror to find that the head of psychology at Gotham University was holding highly unethical after-school clubs! Positively dastardly."

"Mmh. So what are you here for, then, Mister Riddler? You're not going to turn me in, and it's clear you've got no quarrels with me."

Edward's smirk dropped slightly. Maybe he wasn't a fan of being interrupted mid-spiel. Best not to tell him how he'd learned to tune out his obnoxious speeches, then. Jonathan conceded the man's genius status, and loathed that he chose to display it with such absurd grandiose.

"Straight to the point then, eh? Fine. Boring, but fine."

He repeated the gesture with his hand, holding it out before Jonathan. The grin found its way back onto his face.

"You're an intellectual. I'm an intellectual. Let's be friends, shall we?"

For the first time that evening, Jonathan was actually mildly shocked. He frowned lightly, glancing down at the hand extended to him.

"…Friends."

"Well, about as friendly as two madmen in Gotham city can be, anyway."

Edward emphasised the word "madmen" with a mocking tone usually saved for schoolyard name-calling.

"After all, have you seen the average everyman in this city? This country? Much as I adore the sound of my own voice, I would like a little input that isn't my own in conversation now and again. Besides!-"

He straightened himself in a smooth motion, tossing up his cane in order to grip it about the middle - punctuating his sentence by giving it a slight sideways flick.

"I do so loathe to see a fellow genius so restricted by the morons around him. My heart bleeds for you, truly. Though I can't quite sympathise with your... chosen field, shall we say? I'd certainly be willing to lend a helping hand to a friend. That is what you're after, yes?"

Jonathan would admit that the Riddler had pitched the proposal rather well. Obviously he knew exactly what he'd been going to say from the moment he broke in; and this was precisely the sort of deal he had been hoping to make. He had no interest in any kind of companionship; there was a reason he never socialised with the other staff.

However… the few observations he'd made in the past few moments were intriguing. Maybe he could still find entertainment in this, too. What had a self-proclaimed supervillain to fear? And what exactly was it that caused so many of them to congregate in this city, of all places in America? As he considered it, he did find the thought interesting; as any man of science would, he couldn't exactly leave such a question unanswered when the opportunity was right in front of him.

Yes, this would suit him quite well, he supposed. Risky, of course, but after all, he did enjoy calculated risks; this would dramatically speed up his research, he hoped to have a more potent, fully functional revision of his toxin by the end of the next month.

He wasn't to know, of course, that he would be doing much more than clinical tests by then. So much more.

"Doctor Crane, my arm is going to wither and fall off if you take any longer to come to a decision."

He blinked, having realised he'd been staring at the outstretched hand for a fairly long moment.

Right.

Without hesitating a moment longer, he shook the Riddler's hand.

"I do think we have a deal."