#yes I have many bibles wanna fight about it?

[eyesxxyou]

First Drink 🥃

🍺・・・l. howlett x fem!reader

rating. m

word count. 2.2k

synopsis. you were everything logan shouldn't want. young, religious, and innocent. you were sweet to everyone. and you've never been touched. logan wants to be your first everything.

or

Logan gives you your first drink

warnings. age gap relationship (reader is 21, Logan is nearing 50) , religious reader, innocent reader, drinking, forced alcohol consumption, dubious consent, fingering, squirting, not edited

↳ pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3

Logan is far from a holy man. He drinks too much, smokes too often, hasn’t even stepped foot in a church in his entire life. He’d like to think he’s a good man though, one who tries to make the right decisions when he can, but he knows that what he’s like to think and the reality of it all were two wildly separate things. For how could he be a good man when he’s got it out for you, a pastor’s daughter?

He didn’t mean for it to happen. Kind of stumbled into it as one stumbles into trying cocaine. That is to say, he didn’t stumble into it at all. It was a deliberate decision made with addictive consequences. You were his neighbor, a meek, kind little thing often wrapped up in your bible while you sit quaintly on the front steps of your family house. You were young, not too young though. Freshly turned 21. Yet you still wore your modest clothing and pretty mary janes with frilly socks.

Logan was a perverted man. There was no way to get around it. You were as kind and as innocent as any one person could be. You spoke to him kindly, you brought him lemonade while he was working on his motorcycle and all he could think about was how pretty you’d look in his lap with his large hand on your tummy, feeling the bulge of his cock nestled nicely against your womb.

It was one of these days when you brought him lemonade and sat with him in his garage that he turned to you, hands covered in grease and oil. “You’re 21 now, right doll?” Logan grabbed a towel from out of the waist of his jeans and used that to clean off his hands before grabbing the small crystalline cup of fresh lemonade to sip on. It was almost as sweet as you, not nearly as pleasing to taste.

You sat on a small crate with your knees close to your chest. The toes of your sleek, black mary janes pointed to each other. “Yes sir.” He liked that about you, how respectfully you spoke to him. It reminded him of how much power he had over you, how many years, how much authority. Oh, he is far from a holy man.

“You had your first drink yet?”

You were a sweet, little thing, flustered at the mere suggestion of drinking alcohol. “Oh, no sir. I don’t drink. My father would never allow it.” You and your tender sensibilities. You and your innocent nature. Logan thought about how easy it would be to have his way with you. You wouldn’t fight, wouldn’t scream, wouldn’t so much as make a peep. You’d be too entranced by the way his fingers slide along your tongue and his length snuggle sits way into the walls of your unused cunt.

Logan hummed softly. “You wanna?” He watched the way your eyes shifted as you considered it, a world within your grasp if you just had the courage to reach for it. He’d give it to you, all of it, a universe of worldly pleasures. Why restrict yourself now to go to heaven when you can have heaven on Earth right here?

“I shouldn’t.” Your voice is slow and unsure. All you needed was a little push and you’d tip right over the edge into depravity. That’s the thing about little girls like you, you long for a touch of what’s beyond you but you’re always too scared to get it.

Logan stood up to his staggering height, all legs and muscular torso. “Come on, no one will know but me and you.” He offered a hand to you and after a moment of hesitation, you placed your hand in his large palm and let him pull you up to your feet and guide you into his house. It was a world you had never before seen, rustic and dark, smelling so strongly of Logan you thought you might faint.

He had a whole cabinet for his alcohol, bottles of scotch, whiskey, and bourbon. Logan grabbed a bottle out of the cabinet along with a whiskey glass for you to sip out of. He poured some out and you watched with utter fascination. The golden brown liquid long kept from you for fear you may lose your spot in Heaven. Worldly pleasures such as drinking doomed you to Hell.

“Come here, doll.” Logan coaxed you towards him with two fingers as he sat down on his couch, legs open just enough to offer you a comfortable seat on his thighs. You trembled like a newborn deer, scared of this strange, new world you’ve found yourself in. He brought you into his lap, his hands resting on your thigh as he pushed the glass of whiskey into your hand. “Go ahead and try it.”

You looked into the glass, golden brown sloshing around. It didn’t look so intimidating, like drinking Coca-Cola. But it didn’t taste like Coca-Cola when you lifted the glass to your lips and took a sip. It tasted bitter and burned your throat as it went down. “I don’t like it.” You pouted softly, turning to look over your shoulder at Logan. His fingers slowly began to gather the fabric of your skirt, pulling it up your thigh. “Just keep drinking, doll.”

You were a good girl. You did as told, entirely unaware of the way his fingers kept pulling at your skirt until it was entirely up your thigh. You felt his rough fingertips against your bare flesh and shivered as he traced figure 8s into your skin. “Mr. Howlett?”

“Shh, keep drinking.” Logan murmured as he felt up your thigh, closer and closer to your heated cunt. You writhed in his lap, simultaneously uncomfortable and aroused as you felt his rough fingers brush against the damp fabric of your cotton panties. The stuck to your pussy lips, wet and sensitive as he pressed his thumb to your clit through the fabric and began to rub. Logan took his free hand and pushed the cup back to your lips, tilting it to force you to drink.

Logan couldn’t help himself. You were here, splayed out before him for the taking. He’d be stupid not to take advantage of, take advantage of you. You didn't fight it, just as he had expected, like a good girl. “Spread your legs now.” He clicked his tongue and crooned into your ear.

Trembling, you shook your head. “I– I can't.” Your voice, all small and meek, only made his pants tighter. You could feel it, the bulge against your ass through his jeans. Or maybe that was the large buckle against his pelvis.

“Yeah you can. Open up, doll.” He shifted you slightly so that you were sitting on one of his thighs. He used his leg to part yours a bit further, skillfully. He’s had many girls in his lap, none as pretty as you.

Logan stroked your quivering cunt. “What a wet little girl you are. You been thinking about this, pretty girl?” He bounced you on his thigh and let you slide further into his fingers. A stifled whimper escaped you as you braced yourself against him. “Mr. Howlett– please.” You pleaded for your innocence, for your integrity. Most importantly, you begged for him not to expose your innermost thoughts. The sinful way you look at him, all muscle and hair and man.

Your fingers grasped at his wrist and forearm, nails digging into his skin. It wasn't like you were trying to move his hand, not like you could if you wanted you.

You gasped as he curled a finger into the side of your soaked panties and pulled them to the side. Your cheeks began to swell with the heat of embarrassment. Of course, you never expected to have any sexual experience before marriage so you hadn't shaved between your legs. Logan didn't mind at all it seemed, his finger dipped between your lovely lips and stroked in tender touches.

You squirmed in his lap, whimpering. “Mr. Howlett, I…I shouldn't. Please.” His thumb pressed on your puffy clit, pulsing with arousal, and you choked as the electrifying jolts of pleasure shooting through your body. You had ever been touched like this before, not even by yourself. Logan’s experienced fingers circled your leaking entrance, teasing at all the possibilities of pleasure.

“No one has to know, doll.” Grunted Logan. He felt the way your pussy fluttered, the whole thing aching with want. He eased a single finger into you, sighing out a sweet “Jesus” at the way your walls clamped down around him. You let out a squeal, back arching away from him, your nails sinking into his hairy forearm. Your entire body shivered. “Too big,” you murmured, “‘s too big.”

You were small, tight, and already complaining that a single finger was too much. How could he possibly fit his fat cock into your cunt? Logan was sure he'd tear you in half, his precious girl. “Relax, grab that bottle and drink some more, baby. It’ll help you loosen up.”

With a shaky hand, you reached out and grabbed the bottle off the table in front of you. You brought it to your lips and sipped at the liquid while Logan rubbed your hip with his free hand. “Good girl. I gonna keep going now.” You shook your head viciously. “No, no, no, ‘m not ready.”

He cared not for your concerns. Free hand pulling your legs apart, Logan curled pulled his finger from your gripping cunt before sliding it back in. You were all warm and soft on the inside, just like you were on the outside, even more so. You squeaked and squealed in his lap, his thumb attacking your clit in ferocious circles.

It’s a feeling you’ve never experienced before, being fucked with a single thick finger. You mewled, mind growing hazy as your hips rocked against your will. Logan knew you wouldn't be able to handle a second finger. He’d rupture your hymen and he wanted to save that honor for when he pushed himself into you and possessed you completely.

You were dripping down his knuckles. He fingered you so hard and fast, you nearly screamed as you thrashed in his lap. “Mmmh ah, ah… ngh.” Something wet trickled out of you and down Logan's hand, clear and dripping. A weak, little squirt, followed by a much larger one.

“I– I’m sorry, I didn't…” You panted out, whining. Logan cooed lowly in your ear. “Got myself a squirter.” He chuckled, a nice puddle on his leg and couch from your sweet show of pleasure. He curled his finger, messaging your soft walls in desperate search of that soft ridge where your g-spot lay.

When he found it, Logan smiled, chucking as you yelped and cried out, a rattling moan shivering up your spine. You tried to slow his hand, grasping and scratching at his arm. You fell back against his chest, legs splayed open while he took the time to abuse your pretty cunt. “You okay, doll?”

You whined vaguely, hazily, your body rolling then slumping, tensing then relaxing. “I– It feels weird.” Something was building within you. Something tight and breathtakingly beautiful. Tears pricked your eyes, wide and pretty, weeping with the brutality of your orgasm, pressing on the edge of unknown pleasures.

And it snapped like a rubber band. Everything that had been held back released all at once, ravishing your body to the point where there goes pointed in your Mary Jane's and your back arched. Shaking, you clawed at Logan's arm so hard you left bright red marks lining his flesh. “Mr. Howlett!”

“Shh, shh, don't want the neighbors to hear you, do you doll?” Logan slowed his hand, pulling his finger from your aching pussy. His entire hand dripped with your cum, sweet and creamy, some slick with your squirt. “Open up, little one.” He teased the tips of his fingers to your lips like he had that glass of whiskey. Coaxing your mouth open, Logan slipped his fingers between your lips and pressed his fingers to your tongue.

You tasted nice, sweet. Your body unmarred by the poison of excessive alcohol, smoking, or junk food. You were clean and pure, untouched by anyone but him. Logan loved it, knowing that he’s the first man to ever touch you. The knowledge was almost as good as an orgasm by itself. You were his, he possessed you. You were his before you were anyone else's.

When you stood, skirt falling back down to your knees, your legs trembled with the aftershock of your first orgasm. You let out a deep, shaky breath, trembling as you turned to look at Logan’s sitting figure. “M–M–Mr. Howlett.” It’s all you could manage to say to him, choking. You had been violated; your sacred temple desecrated.

And you liked it.

Logan hiked himself up to his feet from his couch and stood before you, towering. His hands on your hips, he pulled you in close to him. You braced yourself with your hands against his solid chest. Your cheeks were still wet with tears which Logan wiped away with the pads of his thumbs. “Why don’t you come back tomorrow, doll?”

You were such a good, obedient girl. You nodded slowly. “Yes sir.”

“Good girl.”

[pan-de-queer]

warrior nun ep 3 live blog

LET'S GO!!!!! I AM HOPPED UP ON M&M'S AND THE NEED TO SEE ALL Y'ALLS FAVE COUPLE LIKE I WANNA KNOW WTF IS UP!!

she floating like in those horror films I don't watch lmaooooo

Bea saying "you need to calm down" while she herself is very clearly confused af is hilarious actually

ooohhhh warrior lady!! i wonder if the areala actress auditioned on horseback like did she just ride in like "I would like the part"

OH THIS ADRIEL BITCH Y'ALL TALKING ABOUT IS AN ANGEL HUH

love how all the other crusaders just standing around when an angel arrives like I'm p sure the Bible made angels seem more winged and eyed up and blinding I think

why is the ocs named so long is it bc os is a computer term

ava's face!!!!!

DRAMATIC DOOR OPENING!!!

can the girls closing the gate even hear the father or was it just time to close the gate u CANNOT tell me that wasn't practiced

ava sees bitches fighting and smiles. she just like me for real

the merc's accent is so funny to me lmao SHOOT HIM MARY

YES BITCH!!! love u Mary

kristian and Jillian watching the tapes like "these bitches NOT subtle" lmaooo

did ava just- SMELL the baton??

ooohhhh THIS is mother superion

i love mother superion's vibes

ava is a giggly stressed baby and I love that for her

CAMILA BEFRIEND AVA!!!!

OH NO WAIT BEA IS SEATED NEXT TO HER!! GO GAYS GO!!

the way ava just slides closer alskslsklsks

the slow way Bea smiles as she starts talking about shannon 🥺😭

the way Bea is looking at ava like she understands!! this bitch patient af!!

"these are my girls" ookkkaayyy mother superion

"bit wordy isn't it" AVA BABE U GET ME!!!

"maybe she wanted to die on the battlefield that day. maybe she thought she earned it." OKAY I HAVE!!! THOUGHTS!!! but later

HOW IS FATHER VINCENT EVEN THE LEAST BIT FAMILIAR WITH AVA!! WHAT IS HIS INVOLVEMENT WITH THE ORPHANAGE!!!!

CAMILA ALKSLSKSLS WORST STALKER BUT I LOVE YOU BABYGIRL!!

oh it's the con kids again. OH IT'S JILLIAN

ALSKSLSKLSKSLS CHANEL 💀

oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh

NO AVA DON'T GO TO LILITH ALONE!! I AM SO SCARED FOR U!!!!!

AVA ALSLKJLSJSK PICK THE SWORD UP!!! NOT THE FOOT STICKING!!

idk like it doesn't seem fair to put all this responsibility on a child who was dead, was a former quadriplegic who JUST got control of her limbs again after more than a decade, who NEVER signed up or was even so much as TAUGHT any of the shit they're going thru, and then expecting TRUST when u all haven't even told her shit!!! ure preaching trust without giving her faith!!! tf!!!!!

OOOHHHHH SO SHE WAS KILLED!!!

also that is the WORST question to ask a depressed kid ma'am some us HAVE wanted to die actually!!!! and the fact that she can finally live and isn't hating herself as she does is magic in itself actually!!! WOW I AM HATING SO MANY OF THESE OCS SCENES ALSKSLSKSL (it'd only ep 3 tho I'll fight thru)

[starspanner]

The John Verses from Nona the Ninth

Mostly using the New Oxford Study Bible, a Catholic edition, double checked with other editions. 

20:8 -- Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed.

5:20 -- The Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing; and he will show him greater works than these, so that you will be astonished.

15:23 -- Who-ever hates me hates my father also.

5:18 -- For this reason the Jews were seeking all the more to kill him, because he was not only breaking the sabbath, but was also calling God his own father, thereby making himself equal to God.

8:1 -- while Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Some editions kind of mush this with the end of 7:53 -- And they went back, each to their own home.

5:1 -- After this there was a festival of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.

19:18 -- There they crucified him, and with him two others, one on either side, with Jesus between them.

3:20 -- For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so their deeds may not be exposed.

9:22 -- His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jews; for the Jews had already agreed that anyone who confessed Jesus to be the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue.

1:20 -- He confessed and he did not deny it, but confessed, "I am not the Messiah."

5:4 -- Is a verse NOT FOUND in some modern Catholic bibles. The Oxford simply ignores its existence. My New American Bible Fireside Study Edition says: "Toward the end of the second century in the West and among the fourth-century Greek Fathers, an additional verse was known: 

'For [from time to time] an angel of the Lord used to come down into the pool; and the water was stirred up, so the first one to get in [after the stirring of the water] was healed of whatever disease afflicted him.' 

This verse is missing from all early Greek manuscripts and the earliest versions, including the original Vulgate. It's vocabulary is markedly non-Johannine." Ronald Knox retains it with almost that exact wording in his translation, and merely adds in a footnote, "This verse is omitted in some manuscripts."  My King James bible includes it.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

you+me+the Devil, m | myg, jjk | summon

pairing(s): yoongi x reader x jungkook

summary: The Devil and his right-hand demon are forcibly yanked from Hell to encounter a power they've never seen before, a power that everyone thought was only a rumor. In chains and unable to break free, they are asked to give up part of their souls. And they do. For science. But, mostly, to fuck.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language - if you're religious, maybe skip this one; world building; short graphic descriptions of sexual acts; supernatural and horror (and it gets way creepier during the smut, you have been warned); non-idol!AU - Hell!AU; Devil!Yoongi x chaos!reader x Devil's right-hand demon!Jungkook and switches between their POVs; they don't have your best interests at heart and neither do you.

--

you and me and the Devil makes 3 prologue | the summoning | the collection | 666

-

there’s not a word for what i wanna do to you

One second, the Devil, also known as Min Yoongi, was frowning as he gazed up at his right-hand demon Jeon Jungkook, pondering the whereabouts of the missing soul-shards. The next second, the volcanic ground below him exploded, multiple giant red-black rings adorned with symbols and images creating a circle, expanding a larger and larger surface area, crackles of red lighting and tendrils of black smoke shooting everywhere. It consumed everything, bleeding into every nook and cranny of the throne room, saturating the air with summoning intent. It was happening far too quickly for the Devil to stop, the ground splitting and black chains shooting out, surrounded by a deadly ice-silver signature of the kind of magic you don’t bring home to your mother.

“Fuck–!”

That was Jungkook.

“Ah.”

That was the Devil.

The black chains snapped around their bodies and bound them in an instant. Jungkook snarled and fought with all of his power, black wings flaring out that were instantly crushed and shredded by the enchantment, his curved black horns protruding from his head and being forced back by the power. In contrast, the Devil merely sat there. Yoongi knew he couldn’t stop it, not this kind of magic, if it could even be called that, so he didn’t try. He let the chains wrap around him and shackle him. Instead, he furrowed his brow and tried to trace the source, tried to find the purpose. In order to defeat an enemy, you must be informed. Yoongi lived by this philosophy, which was why he was the Devil.

He could not trace it.

That was very disheartening.

But he didn’t need to worry earlier, because the red-black summoning circle was closing in, and he would find out very, very soon who it was. He had nothing to worry about.

Yoongi was the Devil, after all.

-

You inspected your nails.

Matte black, pointed. You had just done them. You liked to look nice for your guests.

“Hm, the Devil works hard, but I work harder,” you chuckled.

-

This was not what the Devil expected.

Yoongi expected a dark cave, a crowd of hooded figures, lots of candles. Maybe a Bible or a Koran. Devil worshippers, Satanists, cultists, or whatever they liked to call themselves. He fully expected to fight, to kill, to maim, and to fucking enjoy it, because he was the Devil and he served no one.

That was the whole fucking point of leaving Heaven in the first place.

He did not expect this.

You.

“Oh? A new development.”

Yoongi had seen many things in his time. He thought he could no longer be surprised.

He was wrong.

You stood over the two figures chained to the ground, peering curiously at them. A plain black dress with a flared skirt and a lace high collar. Long-sleeved with small ruffled cuffs at the end. No socks or shoes, just long, beautifully sinful legs and pretty feet. Pointed, matte black fingernails at the ends of lovely hands. A single nail was on one of your full dark lips, small amused smile dancing on that pouty mouth.

Your nail pressed into your flesh.

Yoongi wanted to shove his dick into that mocking smirk.

Sharp, distinctive eyes. Unforgettable. Yoongi would not forget the eyes of the fool who summoned him anyway, but your eyes… They were different. They held no malice. No innocence either. No, your eyes were the greatest mystery of all.

They were an enigma, revealing nothing to the one who could tell everything.

Yoongi did not like this. He did not like how him, an all-powerful being, one who could poison the minds of all other beings, was being confronted with a human who seemed very not human.

You were holding something on the crook of your arm. He narrowed his eyes. A black plush goat-man with horns and an upside-down red pentagram stitched on his head. It had little leather hooves for feet and hands. Black leathery wings as well. Another common misconception of the Devil. As if he wanted to be an ugly goat for all eternity. Hmph. But there was something about the way you held it that made Yoongi think it wasn’t an homage to him.

No, you held it close to your breast, next to your heart, squeezing the plush goat-man’s little arm lovingly.

It made him ache with longing.

They were in a bedroom, on the floor next to the bed. Black sheets, fluffy blankets with white stars all over them. Black walls with posters all over them, cute animated characters, haunting imagery, various musical artists, sinful and innocent, a vast plethora that told him nothing of true intent. Modern, sleek furniture. A high-end desktop with multiple monitors. A nice flat-screen television. Many soft plushies of adorable and strange characters, stacked on shelves and in corners, both popular and niche.

Who was this person?

With every passing second, Yoongi was liking this situation less and less.

Jungkook was beside him, disheveled and disoriented, chained down with black. The demon sat up, growling in his chest, trying to exert his power.

“Who do you think–”

“Ah, little Satan, they shouldn’t talk until I allow them, isn’t that right?”

The Devil was not a fool. You were not talking to him. You were talking to the little goat-man in your arms. Yoongi heard a choking sound and he turned his head to see a very large black ball gag ramming itself in between Jungkook’s teeth, snapping closed with a black chain strap behind his pretty head. Jungkook looked livid, trying to bite through it, but Yoongi doubted he could break it.

You smiled at him.

Yes, indeed, Yoongi was liking this situation less and less.

In some ways.

Seeing Jungkook in a ball gag was a pleasant image.

“I didn’t expect it to turn out this way. I was aiming for him first,” you said to Yoongi, lowering the little goat-man and holding him by a hoof. Yoongi wasn’t sure if he wanted to rip apart the plush or be it. He decided that wasn’t important right now.

“Ah, well, this might be better,” you mused nonchalantly. Jungkook was still fighting his restraints, but neither you nor Yoongi acknowledged it. You crouched down, a delicate flash of inner thigh and black velvet panty in his view. Yoongi narrowed his eyes. You cocked a brow, smirk widening. “Two birds with one stone, no?”

You set the little goat-man in front of him.

Sat down, spreading your legs to squeeze the little goat-man with your inner thighs.

There was no question now.

Yoongi wanted to both be the plush goat-man and rip him to shreds.

“I’ll let you speak to me, Devil. You seem polite.” Conversational, calm. Not condescending, which somehow made it worse. At least if you spoke to him with hostility, he would know how to turn it against you.

“You have magic that doesn’t belong to you, human,” he said softly, a raspy renounce in his voice. He festered it with sweetness and warning at the same time, accenting it with a discerning stare.

You grinned.

Even he, the Devil, was unsettled.

“Nothing belongs to anybody. You only borrow it for a short while and then the powers far beyond even you take it back.”

Yoongi felt his heart drop and race at the same time. As he suspected. This was not the work of his father or some a wayward demon. Magic, power, illusionism, these were all words to describe things that could not be described. Entropy holds no bounds and there is no meaning behind it. It exists only to cause anarchy. For some reason, perhaps simply chaos alone, you, a human, was in possession of something even he could not control or understand.

Shit.

He stared into your eyes and they reflected his expression back to him. He tried to search for it, the desires within the heart, the small tendrils of pain that asked to be soothed, the soul begging to be freed. An ordinary demon could be fended off by a strong-willed human for a while, but Min Yoongi was no ordinary demon.

He was the Devil, even if he was bound by your chains.

You tilted your head at him, hair curling around your cheeks and lashes.

Yoongi could take even the weakest flame of desire and stroke it into a blazing fire. Even the holiest of saints could not fight him. Everyone wanted something, even if it was, disgustingly, in the name of his father. And humans, well, they were the masters of wanting things they couldn't have. Easily manipulated, even by each other. The Devil hardly needed to do anything at all. It was only a matter of whether or not Yoongi cared to do it and, most of the time, he didn't give a single shit.

You tilted your head the other way, smiling.

Yoongi did not find a maze or a barrier preventing him from the soul. He found the soul within seconds. It was there, all right.

The Devil just didn't know what the fuck he was looking at.

Why was your soul just you sitting there in the abyss, looking up at him with the same smile you were giving him right now?

And why did he feel nothing emitting from it?

He pulled back, looking into your eyes again. He did not like this.

You leaned forward and touched his horns.

His eyes widened as your fingertips brushed against the large curved black-red horns against the sides of his head. He hasn't even realized they had protruded. How? His horns were a sign of his power, a symbol he used for fear, for appearance, and for the moments of when he was exercising a great deal of his influence. Your fingertips brushed against the second set, the ones that bloomed upwards into wicked black-red spikes. Both sets? His soul-search had him reflexively procure both?

Shit.

He started into your eyes, seeing himself reflected back. Min Yoongi was the Devil. Emotion was no stranger to him. He harnessed it all, consumed himself in the passions and wonders of emotion. There were ones he felt less, simply because of who he was. For instance, there was not much that made him afraid.

You smiled.

Fear. He could feel it rise within him.

Yoongi grinned back.

Was this what he thought it was? He had heard of such things, rumors and whispers, even amongst the angels themselves. The hidden truth that Heaven and Hell belonged in a specific dimension or realm, Order. That there was another realm, the mirror, the reflection trapped, the unknown.

Disorder.

His kind, the high-above, and those between angels and insects, the humans, none of these belonged in the realm of Disorder. There were rumors that Order was merely a concoction of Disorder and that their realm could collapse any moment, erasing all of existence without a trace. Entropy was waiting for them all.

Yoongi understood now.

This was chaos.

The Devil was a master of desire. And a master of deliberately doing exactly what he shouldn't. He should not be tempted by a glimpse of chaos. His father would warn him to stay away from it.

His father could fuck right off.

Yoongi leaned forward, still bound, his horns disappearing. The chains clanged around him, his power rattling underneath. He wasn't doing it to fight them. He wanted to feel it. To understand what could not be understood, to touch the untouchable, because it was there, there right in front of him and he wanted it, he wanted it, and the Devil feeds off desire, even his own.

He wanted those lips.

You backed up.

The denial only made his desire stronger.

You left the plush goat-man sitting there right in front of him.

-

Jungkook was pissed.

Absolutely furious, jaw and head aching from this ridiculously large ball gag, fuming that he had no idea what was going on and that a single human was doing this bullshit. There was no way you were working alone. There had to be other beings behind this. He couldn't figure it out right now, but he would and he would tear them apart, right after he fucked your pathetic human body and tore you apart.

You must be a fool, thinking you could shackle him, Jeon Jungkook, the right hand of the Devil himself, the epitome of pure sin and free will.

He continued fighting the magic, trying to exert his strength, rattling the black chains, ice-silver lashes beating him back down. He tried to release his wings, but they were ensnared, pain shooting up his back. Jungkook cared not for pain. He had felt pain for millions of years. A few seconds was nothing. He tried to release his horns, but he could not, as if the very air neutralized him.

He was enraged.

Maybe would simply kill you so he could spend an eternity torturing you for your insolence.

Then the Devil's horns appeared.

How did he–?

Then you touched the Devil.

Jungkook wanted to scream.

He did, deep in his chest, muffled rage, jealousy, hate, all at once, and both of you ignored him, your fingers grazing Yoongi's horns, fucking smiling, looking unflinchingly into the Devil's eyes, and Jungkook wanted to erase you from existence, destroy every single shred of your soul for not groveling at the feet of Min Yoongi.

The horns disappeared and your hands hovered around Yoongi's head, fingers splayed out around the black hair like a shining halo.

Ironic.

The Devil leaned forward.

Don't you fucking kiss her, hyung!

But you moved away, backing up, gaze lingering on Yoongi before closing your eyes and reopening them slowly, a gradual shift to Jungkook's face.

He snarled at you through the gag.

He had you now. Eye contact and Jungkook could exert at least part of his power, the soul-search to find your deepest desires, your hidden gems, the calamity within that would call to him. He would find it and manipulate it, bend you to his will, turn you into his puppet. Play with you until you begged to die, only to find yourself in his arms once more, his plaything for all eternity.

All he had to do was find it.

You slid to your hands and knees, crawling to him. He felt it inside his chest, his own desire, watching the curve of your back to ass, his cock twitching at the sight, his mind conjuring images of your pretty body on a leash. Jungkook didn't have preferences when it came to bodies. A body was a body. In his hands, all bodies became prettier. You already had the base and he already had the wrath to want it. You stopped in front of him, the black skirt of your dress flaring out. He could see parts of your bare body.

Legs, knuckles, knees.

A small, amused smile on your lips.

Eyes that Jungkook searched valiantly, looking for malice, for innocence, for desire, for the darkest shadows and the lightest light.

Why couldn't he see anything?

This must be part of your magic. No matter. Jungkook had other ways. He was creative and cunning. You would break under his hand. He wouldn't stop until it was done. He was a demon that saw things through, even to his detriment.

His jaw was suddenly released from its prison, ball gag disappearing, fading into ice-silver smoke. He coughed, snapping his teeth, glaring at you.

"You dumb bitch," he hissed, violent resonance in his voice, oppressive and intense. "Do you think you humans are above us with your tricks and schemes? Kneel before those who invented such things."

You tilted your head.

Yoongi chuckled beside him.

Jungkook's brows furrowed. What–?

Your body trickled down like liquid, laying against the dark wood floor, looking up at him. Jungkook froze, maddening desire rising, infuriated at your face looking up at him, plush dark lips parted, hands on your chest, fingers spread out and molded to your flesh under the plain black dress. Sinking in, making him clench his jaw.

Your smile like a Cheshire Cat, eyes reflecting his rage.

Jungkook wanted to straddle your face and shove his cock into that smirking mouth, bulge your throat and cheeks with his girth.

"Is he always like this?" you asked, still not looking away.

"He pretends to be nice when he wants something out of you," the Devil answered calmly.

"Isn't that you?"

You still didn't look away from Jungkook. Why couldn't he find what he needed from your eyes?

"I'm always nice."

"That means you always want something out of someone."

Yoongi laughed, raspy and deep, the sound echoing in the bedroom, filling it up with his sound. Why couldn't Jungkook find it? His rage began to become infested with something else. Your eyes reflected only him.

Like a mirror.

No matter. The demons had other ways.

"Come here," Jungkook purred.

"I wouldn't do that."

That wasn't you. That was the Devil.

Your body lifted as if it was on a string from the center of your chest, fingers and black fingernails trailing against the dark hardwood, head tipped back, the line of your neck hidden by the high collar of lace, shielded from his hungry gaze. Legs curling up, skirt pooling around your thighs, his rage molding with carnal need, festering with something else.

Fear.

You rose to your knees, in prayer position in front of him, almost as if you were about to reach out and touch faith. Jungkook furrowed his brow, watching your presence near, wanting it, ready to coax or rip your desires from your lips themselves. It didn't matter if he was bound, it didn't matter if his black suit was torn up and ugly, it didn't matter if he was bleeding from his efforts to escape this magic.

You were still a human.

He was a demon and he would taint you.

Closer, your lids lowering, entranced by his spell. Jungkook smirked. Too easy. Humans were so, so easy. He craned his neck, lips parting, the palpable lust of his breath exhaling. So close to those pretty, dark, fuckable lips.

"You're really falling for it, hm?"

Jungkook paused. His eyes shifted to Yoongi. The Devil had turned his body to watch, clad in a tailored black suit. In contrast, Yoongi's was unmaimed, as he hadn't fought his restraints. The Devil had black hair like him, parted slightly, with shadowy dark brown, cat-like eyes that glinted with something sinister. Pale skin, almost luminescent. Exposed neck, elegantly laid black silk tie, unlike Jungkook, who preferred not to wear one. Lips that demanded you to plead for your life.

A body that made Jungkook want to sin for him.

That was the power of the Devil.

His eyes shifted from Yoongi to you, who had stilled in front of him. Hands beneath you and knuckles pressed to the floor like an obedient pet. What was Yoongi talking about? He had you right where he wanted you. And yet, he hesitated.

Then you spoke.

Delicate and calm, with no resonance. Human.

"I thought demons had free will?" you whispered. "That not even the Devil could control a demon."

Or was it?

Jungkook watched your lips form the words.

"If he is powerful enough, that is."

-

Yoongi didn't bother warning Jungkook anymore.

The Chaos knew what it was doing.

Clever girl.

-

Jungkook growled, leaning back a little, letting the passion of emotion course through him, wrath, lust, pride. Fear. All of it. Drawing from it, his power pulsing, singing through his muscles.

"Come here, human."

You had to crawl into his lap, his thighs against your thighs, hardness against softness, bringing your lips to his, sudden and sweet with your legs, knuckles, knees. Jungkook smirked, white teeth and canines flashing, urging you to him.

"What a good little girl,” he breathed softly. “I can be anything you desire. All you need to do is tell me."

Your eyes locked with his.

"A kiss, please."

He groaned at the small plea, finally getting it out of you, finally, and he would make you regret doing this, sow every seed of desire within you and reap it all, turn you into his pet on a leash. All he had to do was kiss you.

Jungkook kissed you.

He pressed his lips to yours, ravenous to consume what you had, eager to claim his offering.

You smiled against his lips, a small, amused smile.

It was instant, his hunger to your plushness, the rush euphoric and wild, immediate lust and power dominating him and now he could taste your tongue and fling open the doors, clawing for the soul within, the moment so close he could taste it, taste your moan sliding into his throat, his favorite treat, intoxicating in the way you sucked in his breath to fill your longs.

Jungkook arrived at the last gate, tearing through the door. Looked down into the abyss, triumphant.

You looked back up at him from below.

A small, amused smile.

A nothingness like he had never felt before.

Jungkook's eyes snapped open and widened, staring into the reflective glass of yours, his chest constricted. He had never felt this. Your lips still on his, tongue flicking, taking his breath, and then he felt a strange kind of compression, like everything was being pressurized, tighter, tighter, suffocating, and he gasped in your mouth, recoiling.

The kiss broke, your eyes still on his, lips shiny with his saliva. Your hand was outstretched, hovering in the air, fingers coated with black tendrils mixed with ice-silver, right above his chest.

Your eyes, void of anything but himself.

“What…” Jungkook breathed, hard cock straining against his slacks. “Are you?”

He didn’t understand. You were only a human. Only a human who had done a very stupid thing, summoning the Devil and his right-hand demon to your bedroom. Just a stupid, foolish human. You tilted your head. Lowered your hand and placed both hands on Jungkook’s thighs. He tensed. You pressed your fingers into his slacks, kneading the firm flesh underneath.

Where was your fear? Your malice? Your innocence?

Where was your desire?

He could only feel his own, rising, rearing its beautiful head, teeth bared and ready to strike as your fingers drummed against the fabric of his pants. You had tried to take something from him in midst of the kiss.

Part of his soul.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes. “What do you want?” he hissed, forceful and direct.

You stopped moving your fingers. He wanted to scream in dismay.

“Only a small thing.” Your lips curved into a gentle smile. “A token to remember our fateful meeting.”

Now, only now, did Jungkook not like this.

You removed one hand from his leg and Jungkook clenched his jaw, watching it rise, nearing his heaving chest, the black chains spreading apart, links snapping with ice-silver sparks, but he was still bound, still chained, and he did now know why and not knowing infuriated him. You stopped, right above his heart, the heart he forgot was there sometimes.

The true irony of this world was that angels gave up their hearts to serve the one above and demons kept them to serve themselves.

Jungkook felt it again, the compression of his insides, making his breath hitch and his teeth grind, the sensation unbearable. Your expression remained the same, the small, airless smile. Eyes reflecting his terror.

“I could take it just like this.”

Not a threat, only a statement. Only a testament to the power within you, a power that Jungkook was beginning to think wasn’t something he knew or understood. The Devil could take souls. He could reap them, he could tear them, he could wring them dry. But not like this.

“I will give you a choice,” you murmured, hand retreating, releasing him from the uncomfortable pressure. “Because everyone deserves a choice, don’t they?”

The chains were lessening, slowly slipping off Jungkook’s body.

“I’ll let you give it to me willingly.”

Your hand on his pants caressed the fabric.

“If you have the power to take it,” Jungkook snarled. “Why not take it?”

Your other hand found his other thigh, squeezing lightly, sparks of heat flying through his veins. The chains slid off him, clashing into the hardwood floor and turning to ice-silver liquid that faded to nothing.

“I do not want to take.”

You stopped your touches and Jungkook wanted to scream.

“It will feel better for you if you give.”

He raised on eyebrow. “Considerate of you.”

You smiled wider. He stared into your eyes and only saw himself.

“What do you think, Jeon Jungkook, the Devil’s right-hand man?”

He felt the tendons on his neck tense, expression twisting into anger. You shouldn’t know his name. You were a human. You would only know if he told you directly. Someone else was behind this. Someone who wanted to kill him and the Devil, thereby putting Hell itself in imbalance.

“How do you know my name?” he seethed.

“You told me.”

What?

“When you looked into her eyes, you told her your name,” confirmed a deep, cavernous voice.

Jungkook started, whipping his head to the Devil beside him. No longer chained, simply sitting lazily on the ground, one knee raised to rest an elbow on it. Yoongi raised an eyebrow.

“Getting soft, Jungkookie?” the Devil taunted.

How…? Was he so absorbed in his own lust and deceiving you that he did not realize? He looked back at you. Your eyes lowered to his slacks and then back up to his eyes.

“Pants can always come off.”

Jungkook raised a hand, running it through his black hair, jaw set. “You are too greedy, human. Do you even know what you’re doing?” he sneered.

Your hands jerked down a few centimeters closer to his crotch, making Jungkook hiss. Your tongue slid out, feathering against the plush dark mauve of your lips. His cock throbbed with need, demanding to abuse the mouth presented. You leaned forward, putting more of your weight on him, welcome weight that Jungkook wanted all over him. He was a demon, after all. He was no stranger to carnal desire.

“I do,” you murmured softly. “You and me and the Devil makes three.”

Jungkook sharpened his gaze. “You couldn’t handle that, human.”

You said nothing.

You simply removed your heat and turned to the Devil, where Yoongi held the little goat-man plush by a single hoof, dangling it next to his lap, making your crawl into it to reach the doll. It was almost an innocent gesture, the way you took it and tucked it into your lap before looking up at Yoongi’s face, lips parted slightly, nearly curious, childlike awe decorating your features.

Jungkook growled like a hurt animal.

Your eyes shifted to him, looking at him under lowered lashes. Dismissive, vacant gaze.

“Yes or no, Jeon Jungkook?”

“Yes.”

The thin black string between you and him darkened, searing with ice-silver, a contract made. He didn’t even know the terms. He didn’t care. No human could outsmart him. And you, you must have been human once.

The problem was, Jungkook didn’t know if you were human anymore.

-

Yoongi watched your eyes return to him. The little black goat-man plush was tucked between your legs, pressed against your core. Slowly but surely, he was understanding. The original vessel was human, now tainted by someone, something, or simply bad luck. It made you something else entirely. You were a creature from the realm of Order polluted by the realm of Disorder. How long could this last? Would you die eventually from it? When you died, what would be left? Was the soul still there? Would he be able to collect it? Contain it? Study it?

Yoongi didn’t know the answers to these questions.

He wanted to know.

“Your turn,” you whispered to his chin, warm breath against his skin. “What is your answer, my Devil?”

Yoongi chuckled. “A shard of soul is all you ask for?” he purred. “What for?”

You tilted your head. “I want to complete my collection.”

The Devil doubted that. He doubted you wanted anything. Something was driving the entropy in a direction, a purpose given to the original human you long ago, and now you did it because it was the only thing left in the shell, a memory of a purpose, the human determination so strong that it could not be killed or erased, even though this body was now only a container for the power within.

The Devil had spent a lot of his time lately doing nothing. Nothing fun, nothing exciting, nothing worthy of his attention. Yoongi already knew everything there was to know about humans. He cared not for those above. But this.

This was new.

This was different.

This was something he wasn’t supposed to know.

He raised his hand, fingers tracing your jaw, staring into the eyes of Chaos. The Entropy. The Vessel.

You.

“I’ll be part of your collection, little one,” Yoongi purred.

And you will be mine, he vowed as the black string between you and the Devil glowed, ice-silver magic contaminating it with the power of Disorder.

-

part ii the collection. if you get in bed, someone will fall in love

--

masterpost

[sunjaesol]

and all i've seen is green eyes and freckles and your smile

juke | childhood friends to lovers | title: everything has changed // taylor swift

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"Hey! Can I make pies with you?" A voice chirps.

Luke looks up from his serious work, sweat building on his forehead, and meets the eyes of a girl from his classroom. She's Julie, he thinks, though it could also be Flynn or Thea or Penny. They all sit together.

"It's chocolate," he explains, digging his fingers in the mud. "Do you like chocolate?"

"I love chocolate!" she yells, collapsing in the sandbox beside him and tucking her cloud of curls behind her ears.

Their jeans are stained and their elbows are scratched, but by the end of recess, they've baked about a dozen different cakes and have 'tried' a few as well.

"My mom makes the best cakes," she babbles as the bell rings, the two sauntering to the spot Miss Bloom would be waiting. "Like, real cakes, and I help her."

"That's cool." He stuffs his tiny hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I like cake too. My mom doesn't make it though."

"Then how do you know you like cake?"

"We buy it from the store, duh!" he laughs. "My favourite's confetti cake."

She hums in agreement. "I like peanut butter cherry a lot."

He gawks. "Whoa! That sounds crazy!"

"Do you wanna try a slice sometime?"

They go to stand in line with the other kids of their class, Miss Bloom counting their heads.

"Sure!"

—

The class goes to the zoo the next week, and Luke and Julie stick together as newly formed best friends. She holds his hand when he's scared of the zebras, and he helps her stand a little higher on the gate to get a better look at the llamas.

She, Flynn and Luke make the biggest collage of pictures and drawings the class had ever seen.

She feigns reading his hand and tells him his future is bright, a word that sticks with him and starts using for the rest of year.

She also tells him they'll be best friends forever and it gains her the biggest hug in the world.

Second grade ends and all of her friends go to her house to eat peanut butter cherry pie and listen to music in the garden as they play games.

She links pinkies with Luke at the end of night. "Friends forever?"

He grins, missing a front tooth. "Forever and more!"

—

"Reggie's parents are fighting," Luke quips, both of them upside down on the monkey bars.

Julie looks at him. His face is turning red. She wonders if she looks the same right now. "Fighting? Like, yelling ?"

"I don't know." He tries to shrug but his arms just flop around. "He just says they're fighting. Maybe they'll get a DJ."

Her nose curls up. "A DJ?"

"A DJ... like when moms and dads aren't together anymore."

She giggles. "A divorce, silly!"

Alex and Reggie trudge to their spot on the playground and mount themselves on the monkey bars.

"What are we taking about?" Reggie asks.

Alex pouts. "I don't wanna go upside down. What if I fall?"

"I've fallen and I'm still alive," Luke counters.

Alex shrugs and sits on the bars, but doesn't drop upside down. He can still listen like this.

"About your parents," Julie says, "about fighting."

Reggie makes a face. "I just don't like it. Like, I'm loud, but they're loud!"

Luke makes a noise of excitement, not unlike a strangled animal. He puffs, hoisting himself up. The rest follows and suddenly Alex isn't alone.

"Let's do a sleepover!" he exclaims. "My house!"

Everyone hollers and agrees. Julie raises her hand. "Can Flynn come too?"

"Why?"

"Because Flynn is fun and my best friend too!"

Alex smiles. "I like her too."

Reggie wiggles his brows. "Like like?"

"Ew, no!"

"So?" Julie stresses, looking at Luke.

He shrugs. "Sure. She can come too."

—

They're ten when Luke yells, "Ew, no, I don't like Julie!"

The girl in question who had been making their way to the group of boys, ready to ask Luke, Alex and Reg to play, balks at his exclaim. He doesn't like her? But they're best friends!

Hurt and offended, she stomps the last few meters and yells his name.

"Luke!"

He turns around in surprise. "Jules!"

"What do you mean you don't like me?!"

All the boys start laughing and snickering, muffling their mouths or blatantly pointing at her. She crosses her arms. Boys are so stupid!

"I don't!" he rushes.

"WHAT?!"

"I don't like like you," he clarifies, annoyed by the boys.

She stops for a moment. "Well, duh."

"Ya see," Luke grins, "Julie and I are just tight, okay?"

Bobby shrugs. "Whatever. You're still a sissy for being best friends with a girl!"

Anger floods her senses once more and she makes a consecutive decision right then and there. Pounding forward, she takes a resolute turn to Bobby and then slams her foot on his.

He yelps in agony, grabbing his foot and falling on the ground.

"That's what you get!" she yells.

"Yeah!" Luke and Reggie exclaim.

"Uh, guys—" Alex stutters.

They turn around to an angry mister Trent. Great, she thinks, now she's getting the blame for what Bobby started!

At least Luke doesn't like like her. That would've been a disaster.

(She gets detention, but it's worth it. Bobby stops bothering her.)

—

(But then Luke steals her first kiss that summer when they're by the pool playing truth or dare because Kayla wants to be adventurous. She's been obsessed with the idea of kissing and pushes Luke and Julie to do it.

It's brief, light as a feather and kind of weird, but she doesn't hate it.

His face turns bright as a cherry and she's kind of embarrassed for a day, but then they're cool and just don't talk about it.)

—

Reggie's parents divorce when they're in the sixth grade and they hold many more sleepovers. 

—

"Don't move," Julie orders, carefully putting toothpaste on his pimple, "it's gonna work, I promise."

Luke groans. "You promise? It's HUGE!"

"It really isn't," she lies, because it's probably as big as the Kilimanjaro.

"I wanted to be cool on the first day of middle school and now I have a pimple," he whines, falling back on her bed when she's done.

Capping her toothpaste, she shrugs. "You're cool... just with a pimple. We're still biking together, right?"

"Of course!"

—

She feels the first prick of jealousy when Luke is dubbed 'the cutest boy of seventh grade' and all the girls start swarming him or asking her what he likes.

Well, he likes rock music and poking snails and her mom's pies. Does that help them make Luke their boyfriend? She doesn't think so!

"They're stealing my friend!" Julie grumbles to Flynn as they're both watching Thea make a move, or whatever that means.

"Luke isn't gonna stop being your friend," Flynn reassures. "But boys are dumb. So, I don't know."

Luke feels his first hit of jealousy at the eighth grade spring fling dance when he sees Nick asking Julie to dance during some sappy Ed Sheeran song. He thinks she'll say no, but to his baffled surprise, she says yes! To Nick! Why would anyone want to dance with Nick?! Luke swears the kid eats his own boogers.

"Why is she dancing with Nick and not with me?" he nags, standing beside Alex and Reggie as they're hoarding food.

Reggie grins. "Jealous?"

"Uh, no!"

"Sure."

—

It kind of gets awkward after that.

In the summer between eighth and ninth — aka, the start of freaking high school! — they both undergo major bouts of puberty.

Luke gets a growth spurt and constantly has aching knees, Julie graduates from a training bra to an actual bra because she suddenly has boobs and she's scared it'll change things.

Now, she also looks different from the guys. They'll still like her, right?

Julie swaps her glasses for contact lenses since it's easier and Luke buys his first guitar from mowing lawns all summer long.

Because of that, he lost a lot of his baby fat.

Suddenly, her best friend is kind of… attractive.

—

Luke gets his first girlfriend in freshman year and it isn't Julie and she hates how it comes as a surprise to her that… well… it isn't her. It's Thea, of all people. Guess that one move she made in seventh grade paid off.

According to Luke, they go on dates to the movies sometimes, or hang out at the skatepark, and kiss when no one's looking.

"I've kissed plenty of girls," Reggie boasts, noting his Bible summer camp experience. "Catch up, Luke."

"Me and Thea kiss a ton!" he exclaims, but it doesn't sound convincing. "Like, a lot!"

Alex and Julie share a disgusted look from across the cafeteria table. He came out as gay this year to them and Julie doesn't like girls, so these conversations are useless to them.

"Can we talk about something else?" she whines. "This is boring!"

Luke shrugs. "Pearl Jam brought out a new album."

The one statement diverts the conversation completely, much to her enjoyment, until Thea walks to their table and steals Luke from them.

Julie sees red.

Alex asks her if she likes Luke during a quiet moment.

"No," she mutters. "Not like that."

"Okay."

"You don't believe me?"

"No... not really."

—

They break up after three months and right then, Julie and Nick get together. He's sweet and kind and smart and cute and when he kisses her, he's soft and careful. She likes it. She feels safe around Nick.

He teaches her a bit of lacrosse, she teaches him how to make empanadas.

It's clear Luke doesn't like him though.

"He's so boring, Julie," he says. "I don't know what you see in him."

"What did you see in Thea?" she challenges him.

"She was cute," he shrugs, "and nice. And she's a good kisser."

She smiles, victorious, and crosses her arms. "There you go. Your explanation."

His face sours. "I don't believe he's a good kisser."

"Want to try for yourself?"

He rolls his eyes. "No. Whatever. Have fun on that date of yours," he mutters the last, grabbing his shoes and walking out her bedroom.

She's angry and distracted during the entire date and she hates herself for realising weeks later that Luke was right. Nick is boring.

Sweet, but boring.

She breaks up with him after three months — as long as Luke and Thea were together — and suddenly she understands why Luke behaved the way he did.

Why she behaved the way she did.

They're playing truth or dare in someone's basement at a birthday party, all carefully drinking from a can of cheap beer, when Carrie dares Luke to kiss Julie.

He kisses her… and then they keep kissing.

The group hollers when they don't separate after three seconds and go insane when his hand slips up her cheek and it prolongs to ten.

Their faces are red and awed when they pull back and the others in the circle look like they've won the Olympics.

"Talk?" Luke rasps.

"Yes."

He grabs her hand and pulls her out the circle, everyone ooh-ing and ah-ing, thinking they're gonna do something scandalous. They find themselves in an empty hallway. Luke lets go of her hand and starts nervously scratching at his neck.

"So, uh, that kiss, uh—"

"I liked it," she blurts. It's the biggest risk of her life, but she takes it anyway. "What, uh, did you think?"

"Yeah!" He rushes forward, sudden surge of excitement. "Yeah, I liked— I really liked it. I- I wanna kiss you again."

She smiles. "You do?"

He blushes. "Yeah."

"Okay," she giggles.

And then he's right there, cradling her cheeks while she's holding onto the hem of his t-shirt and it's sweet and warm and way different than when she kissed Nick. It's more.

She really likes him. She really really really likes Luke to an insane degree.

They talk and share little kisses on the couch for the entire night, giddy and dopey. Her heart is bursting! It may be one of the best moments of her young life.

—

"Hey," he grins, kissing her square on the lips as he meets her by her locker. 

It's the start of senior year. Only a few more months until freedom and the beginning and end of milestones, but Luke's a constant. 

To her, he'll be a constant forever. 

"Hey," she smiles, grabbing his hand. "Ready to go?" 

"Ready when you are."

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

@blush-and-books​ @bluefirewrites​ @unsaid-emily​ @willexx​ @pink-flame​ @constantly-singing​ @ourstarscollided​

[shinebrightlikeanarwhal]

So I had this like dream where it was sal and the gang fighting with Travis and he shouted something about not actually being Christian or Believing in god and then Larry shouted some about like then why do you go then Travis looked at them all and said “because some of us don’t get to decide what kind of person we are because what others believe is being forced upon us“ and then something clicked in all of the gangs mind the person bullying them wasn’t who travis really was it was what his father forced him to be and i thought you would want to hear about it and give your take on this

YES!!!!

Literally your brain is my rat brain ideas on Travis and his entire dynamic. He’s literally a trxtbook photo of a a case of religious trauma and an abusive, oppressive home!

The only one who would probably understand him is Sal!! Or the first person to recognize this at least. Larry is 100% my go to “ring the truth out of Travis in awkward situations”.

I really love the thought that Travis doesn’t like to act that way. That’s why he can be extremely quiet at times. But he does have eyes on him that any form of weakness father will hear about. So I get that his way of covering himself is to target someone else. It’s a stupid plan but somehow it worked.

Another thing that would either alert the others or cause Travis to shut down would be the physical signs. Travis is constantly battered. No signs of healing no matter how old they were. Larry hits hard but the bruise should be constantly in one place. That boy probably can only recite the Bible because Kenneth has verbally or physically threatened him to do so.

Also, I just really wanna see the realization his Sal when Travis cowers up if someone uses something religion against him. Either he clings to it as a form of coping, or rejects it as a form of resistance. Larry breaking his rosary would also be another catalyst I think of often. Either the visible terror of Kenneth’s wrath or the mental breakdown that even god can’t save him from this nightmare.

I feel that the gang would still have Travis at arms length, but Sal would be the one to push him further into the group for his protection and to get him accustomed to friendship and affection. Philip tags along and lowkey exposes Travis to the others. Pointing out many of his quirks and tics. Especially for my Hcs of Travis with various conditions. Like his adhd/add hcs where he has certain triggers that will sometimes make it hard for him to pay attention. Or how he hyper fixated on Sal but his fear of rejection and his father turned that fixation into unbridled anger.

There’s a LOT of ideas I get from Sal and co learning about Travis and Travis admitting to not being religious and/or his abuse!

[cookinguptales]

As someone from the "bible belt" of the US, one thing that fascinates me about Christianity is that you really can just tape on whatever you want and while some people are going to no-true-scotsman you for literally anything, it's not like you can ban something from counting as Christian. Both kidnapping and immigration dragged a lot of people into Christianity who were already doing their own thing, too, so you end up in this world where many Christians have mutually incomprehensible practices.

I also grew up in the Bible Belt, anon. *the saddest high-five*

But no, I very much agree. There are some certain ideas that most Christians believe in, but it's kind of impossible to find something that they all believe in, especially when you get to areas where things have gotten really syncretic. Even things that seem basic af like monotheism have been questioned by things like people in India putting Jesus in a home shrine with a bunch of other deities. And people will get in a fucking CAGE FIGHT over the nature of the trinity. It's complicated!!

tbh, I think disagreement and in-fighting is something that's almost an intrinsic part of Christianity; it's certainly happened for as long as the religion was even remotely identifiable as such. (And boy is it fun to tell people that the guy Santa is vaguely based on punched a dude in the FACE over Arianism once.)

I have family members that are very devout in various sects of Protestant Christianity (like, we're talking Lutheran minister vs. Baptist Sunday School teacher) and watching them fight over Real Christianity is... a lot. We've had uhhh outright crying and screaming at the dinner table over transubstantiation as I, the lone gay in the family, just sit there eating my fucking food.

Or I'll have an aunt who's like "oh, Jerry Falwell Jr. isn't a REAL Christian" and like... yes he is, auntie! You don't get to decide what's Christian or not, even if the people in question are garbage! You only get to decide what you wanna do with your own faith!

Sometimes I think the only thing all Christians have in common is telling other Christians that they're not real Christians lmao. But no, it's actually the fringe practices that I often find most interesting. (Or the things that are fringe now but used to be common amongst Christians in the Middle Ages or something.)

I have... let's just say very complicated feelings about religion. But I've always loved watching the way people express their humanity by adopting and adapting mainstream religions to their own private belief systems and needs. It's the variation that I love, and I think that people never feel more human than when they're telling stories.

[hadtochangemyurlquick]

can u write more leachel please

no but i can fuck ur bitch

Leah’s first public reading was not packed. Of course, the seven of them all filed into front row seats and of course her parents, grandparents, Ian, and most of her teachers were scattered throughout the audience. Even Emily, her friend from middle school who she hadn’t really talked to since she went to private school, showed up. It was a sweet gesture but beyond the people who knew Leah personally, only around fifty or so were actual fans. It was fine and Leah did an amazing talk and afterwards Rachel slapped her hand against her thigh, wishing she could actually clap.

Leah’s tenth public reading was standing room only.

The National book festival was held once a year in DC and while there were two panels Leah was put on, they also asked her to do her own talk because she had a new book coming out. It’d been called by the New York Times book review “the most anticipated book of the year!” And Rachel had only been allowed to read the first draft of the first chapter, which was slightly killing her. But her girlfriend had a process, even if that process was to solely talk to Nora about it. Nora and sometimes Toni.

When Leah walked onto the slightly raised platform the entire room erupted into applause. It was a standing ovation and Leah looked beautiful and also incredibly embarrassed. Her eyes found Rachel’s immediately and they were so fucking intense, Rachel just wanted her to keep looking at her forever. Forever and a half.

“Wow,” Leah began when she reached her microphone. “I haven’t even said anything yet.” There was laughter, more cheers, gradually people sat down. “Thank you all for coming, I know there’s some pretty amazing panels going on right now. There’s still time to go to Roxanne Gay’s talk, it’s a few rooms down.”

More laughter, more cheers, a “We love you Leah Rilke!”

Rachel shook her head, smiling. Leah could pretend all she wanted, but Rachel saw what was happening. The entire world was slowly coming to life under her touch. The English language was being shaped to fit Leah Rilke.

Every think piece, ever op-ed, every review, mentioned the words Leah Rilke somewhere in there. Every teenage girl was talking about her like they’d talk about the Bible. TV studios and movie execs sat in rooms and discussed about how they could capture her writing style. Publishing houses wanted to find their very own Leah Rilke. Tattoo artists were adding to their pre drawn collections symbols from her books.

It was happening slowly, a little at a time, but time happened all at once. And history textbooks were being printed in Texas for the year 2032 that had an entire chapter about Leah Rilke.

The world was changing, and for the next half-century it’d be one where Leah Rilke was alive. And after, it’d be one where everyone was looking for the next Leah Rilke, however futile.

Leah didn’t see it, but Rachel could. And Nora. They talked about it sometimes, when a Dolly Parton song came on or Tolkien happened to come up in conversation.

“I’m not really afraid of public speaking,” Leah continued. “But can you all look somewhere else for a minute? I just need a break, I feel like you all are staring.”

There was more laughter and Rachel felt her phone buzz. Her eyebrow furrowed and she ignored it, instead focusing on the woman wearing her engagement ring.

It’d taken her a minute to propose, insecurities thriving with Leah off giving talks or going to conventions like this one. In a big empty house it wasn’t hard to feel less than, especially with one hand.

It’d been Dot who talked sense into her. Dot surprisingly sensible when she herself had eloped with Fatin, annulled it, and eloped again.

“Okay,” Dot said. “Maybe she’s too good for you. So what? She doesn’t know that.”

“Exactly,” Rachel said. “That’s my fucking point. She’s gonna find someone better and realize that I’m just… me.”

“Yeah,” Dot nodded.

Rachel glared at her. “You aren’t making me feel better.”

“I’m not Fatin, or Shelby, or Martha.”

“I know that,” Rachel said.

“It sounds like you wanna marry her,” Dot said. “So fuckin’ marry her. Then she won’t be able to fuck off with someone else.”

“But I want her to be happy,” Rachel said.

“So fuckin’ make her happy,” Dot said. “I don’t get what the fuckin’ problem is.”

So she proposed. Leah said yes immediately, not even a moment of hesitation, and they were planning a small wedding with a rabbi they both knew and a Huppa but not a Ketubah. Some sort of halfway for the both of them.

Rachel’s phone buzzed again and she turned it off, slipping it in her backpack to focus on Leah.

“This is probably the hardest book I’ve ever written. Not because its deeply personal or anything, just because I had to do so much research for it,” Leah said. “I even had to dedicate it to my sister in law because she spent hours with me looking at flight patterns and chess strategies. Do you guys know how many different kind of tulips there are? I can’t say I don’t understand the dutch a little better now.”

Nora squeezed her wrist and she looked over at her. Shelby caught her eye from beside Nora and passed her a phone, the notes app open.

Jeffs here.

Rachel frowned. Jeff Greene? The book review guy? Or maybe Jeffery Wilson, the Sony guy. Didn’t they have a neighbor named Jeff who liked to complain about their noise level to the police?

“Jeff?” She mouthed back.

Shelby was stone faced when she nodded and something sunk in Rachel’s gut.

Fuck. Jeff.

Leah was still talking but Rachel couldn’t hear her.

Where?

Shelby took the phone back.

The back.

Rachel clenched her jaw and Nora squeezed her wrist again, eyes wide.

Has Leah seen him?

Shelby shook her head and Rachel let out a breath of relief.

She got to her feet, and cast a quick smile back at Leah who’s brow furrowed at her. She kept talking though, stumbling a little on her speech. Behind her, Fatin, Martha, and Shelby followed.

Jeff wasn’t hard to spot. He was the washed-up has been, with the fraying hair and dark circles under his eyes.

“You need to leave,” Rachel spat.

“I’m just here to apologize,” Jeff said. “I don’t even—”

“You’re leaving,” Shelby cut off. “Now. Or I’ll call security.”

“Take this outside,” Someone hissed and Fatin dragged him out, shoving him roughly through the open door. Several more people waiting outside slipped inside, entirely grateful.

“Listen, I know I fucked up, I want to apologize,” Jeff said.

“She was a child,” Fatin said. “You’re a fucking predator.”

Jeff paled.

“Wait,” Martha said. “Are you here to apologize for dumping her, or for raping her?”

“I didn’t—”

Maybe it was Shelby that threw the first punch, or maybe Rachel. Maybe they both came at him at once. But Martha didn’t hold Rachel back like she normally would’ve, and Fatin snapped at some people to put their phones away.

Leah said it was ironic later, that Fatin was telling people to put their phones away, while Martha urged on a fight.

But it wasn’t a fight, it was a beat down.

Shelby had taken Toni to enough kickboxing lessons over the years to know how to throw a punch, and Rachel had been picturing this moment with Jeff for too long.

No one intervened once Martha pushed a couple people away explaining he was a pedophile who prayed on teenage girls. One person said, “Isn’t that Jeff Galanis?”

And Martha said: “Yes.”

Jeff Galanis hasn’t published a book in five years at that point, he wouldn’t publish one again. Leah wasn’t happy Rachel broke her only hand, and Toni started going to kickboxing lessons alone.

“It was stupid,” Leah told her, when she met her outside after they’d all been thrown out. “I don’t give a shit about him anymore. I just wanted you there.”

“I know,” Rachel said. “But it wasn’t stupid to me. I wanted you to know you wouldn’t have to see him again.”

“Rach,” Leah sighed. “You remember how when we were driving here a Smith’s song came on?” Rachel nodded. “I realized then I literally couldn’t remember his last name.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Leah said. “We’re getting married in a few months, my new book is coming out, your starting your new job. We’ll probably be aunts as soon as Toni and Shelby finish those foster parent classes. Jeff is like—probably the least important person in the universe right now.”

“Sorry I missed the talk,” Rachel said.

Leah kissed her, soft and easy like they’d never once been.

“It’s okay,” she promised. “There’ll be others.”

There were.

[gleeismybrand]

so it’s pride week in the glee club (we’re gonna do this like s2) here’s some headcanons

rachel

- she’s a hardcore activist for gay rights (cause yknow gay dads)

- she’s gets so aggressive about it to the point kurt starts to suspect a lil something

- “rachel are you bisexual?”

- surprisingly she’s mature about the whole thing

- “well after some self reflection in my sophomore year that is the conclusion i have come too”

- she comes out to the glee club with “Get It Right” (for this it’s a original song she wrote for pride week)

- everyone takes it well

- santana and mercedes basically already knew

- the boys are mature about it, yes even finn

- also faberry happens but like i don’t wanna write that

mercedes

- like rachel she is a aggressive ally

- she doesn’t understand why anyone would be against gay rights

- she gives a verbal smack down to anyone who dare be homophobic during this week

- she takes kurt and santana out for lunch because “they deserve it for being strong” and honestly they weren’t gonna complain

- she also educates her church about different home lives and family lives and how you’ll never know who’s struggling

artie

- mans been pansexual since sophomore year

- to be honest everyone suspected he was some type of gay

- the one who actually noticed and took action was puck

- puck pulls him to the side after glee club and starts questioning him

- “dude are you like...gay?”

- artie just laughed

- “you say that like it’s a sickness you can catch by being near me”

- he came out just by going “i think everyone is extremely hot and i’m going insane”

- he checks out puck a lot, also sam, he has a thing for buff dudes-

quinn

- lesbian 👏 activist

- she dyed her hair again but it’s orange-y pink

- coming from a mega religious family she was always taught gay=bad

- but since coming to mckinley shes met so many people shes thrown that ideology out the window

- she educated herself on all the history of gay rights and history and how it came to be

- she gets extremely mad at people who cherry pick the bible

- Kuinn becomes way more prominent during this week

sam

- if you look up the definition of “chaotic bisexual” sam’s face will show up

- holy crap does that guy not know how to keep himself together

- he’s totally comfortable with the gay thing, he’s always been

- but the bisexual of it all, he was not prepared to deal with

- he ends up asking for blaine and quinn for advice

- he knows he like girls, he always had

- but boys is a whole other ballgame

- quinn and blaine gave him the same advice essentially

- “if you think a guys hot, he’s hot, if you think a girls hot, shes hot”

- he eventually tries to stop fighting it and comes out to the glee club

- everyone is supportive of him

- sam and quinn revise “Lucky” for this week (*wink wink* blam *nudge nudge*)

i’ll do the rest another day- thank you for indulging me 🏳️‍🌈

[sunmoonandeddie]

and grace, my fears relieved

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 2,623

summary: You meet someone new in the most unlikely of ways during the quarantine in New York City.  A hospital isn’t the worst place to meet someone, right?

chapter warnings: swearing, both steve and the reader have covid-19, but neither die

masterlist

a/n: Let me know what you think!

The virus started out inconspicuously enough, with just a few cases here and there that everyone assumed would be quarantined and taken care of, but Steve was paranoid.  How could he not be?

He’d been a sick kid.  Real sick.  And then when he was a teenager, he got some revolutionary kind of treatment for his heart and lungs and it was like his entire body had been kickstarted.  He shot up a foot taller and gained over a hundred pounds.

He had the stretch marks to prove it.

Granted, he had to work a little to gain as much as he did.  After the treatment, the weight gaining workouts and diet plans suddenly worked.  He looked… normal.  And then he buffed up.  Real big.

It came in handy pretty often with his job.  He had become a firefighter, and carrying people out of burning buildings was often part of the job.

Fires still happened in a quarantine.  If anything, they happened more frequently because people were home and the number one cause of house fires was unattended cooking.  A parent could be cooking any meal of the day and then their kid distracts them and boom.  Fire.

So he worked overtime, day in and day out.

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t scared.  He was scared shitless.

It was like his ma used to say, back when she was alive, “Just because you’re scared doesn’t mean you run away.  You fight back for what’s right.”

Sarah Rogers had been a lot smarter than people assumed.  She was a former socialite, and an Irish Catholic one at that.  Her parents had an absolute conniption when she’d fallen in love with a former convict.  His dad had been in and out of jail for petty things.

It certainly hadn’t been her choice to fall in love with him.  But she had told him that if he didn’t get his act together, she wasn’t going to be with him.

He’d straightened himself up and become an outstanding citizen.

But that hadn’t stopped her family from disowning her.  Once she refused to break up with him, she was out.  Out of their house, out of their wills, everything.

She went from wearing Valentino and Chanel to items picked out at Goodwill.

But Steve’s parents had loved him more than anything.

He’d become a firefighter just like his dad.  He wanted to help people just like him, and well… That’s what he was doing now.

Or had been, until his throat had started to hurt.  And when it hadn’t let up three days later, even after a plethora of cough drops and teas, he went to the hospital.

It had only been about a month since it really started and the first dozen cases showed up in New York City.  He’d been cautious—overly cautious, some might say—but he still had to go to work.  And who knows how many people he’d come into contact with that had the virus?

It was still early days.  He was able to get the test, and for that, he was lucky.

But then he had to go home and wait.

And then he got the call.  He had to immediately go back to the hospital to be quarantined.  He’d been put in a hospital room that was usually used as a private room in the Emergency Room—a trauma room, they called it.  Trauma Room 2.

All of their other hospital rooms were taken.  It was a lot worse than anyone had let on.

He was there for about twenty minutes before you got there, clearly terrified and holding a duffel bag full of clothes so you wouldn’t just have to wear the scratchy ass hospital gowns.

He’d only thought to bring two different pairs of sweatpants and a few sweatshirts, as well as his usual pairs of jeans.

But he was quickly finding that those weren’t too comfortable to wear while being quarantined.

Maybe he’d be able to convince someone to run down to the hospital gift shop to grab him something to wear.  Some Brooklyn Hospital sweats or something.

“Hey.”

He looked up from his tablet, looking for the source of the voice.  God, he was so tired.  And everything hurt.  There was only so much that honey could do for his voice.

“Hey!  Over here!”  The voice broke off into a coughing fit, and it sounded nasty.  Real nasty.  The kind of coughing that hacks up a lung.

He gets up out of his bed with a grunt, feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.  And not the big, strong shoulders he had no.  The weak little skinny ones he had before.  The ones where he could barely lift a gallon of milk in each hand without getting overworked.

You’re sitting on the ground, taking deep breaths as you try to catch your breath.  “Hey,” you said with a weak smile.  “You got any cough drops?  I ran out and my nurse said she was gonna try to find me more two hours ago.”

There’s no medicine available to treat the virus.  So they just treat the symptoms.

And there’s a severe shortage of cough medicine amongst the patients, but no one really mentioned that.

“Yeah,” he said as he walked over to his little bedside table.  He opened the drawer, pushing the Bible left inside to the side and grabbing the cough drops.  He grabbed four little individually wrapped pieces before dragging his feet back to the doorway.

He couldn’t lie, sitting down looked really nice right at that moment.  His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest just from walking that short distance.  So he sunk to his knees and leaned back against the doorframe, on the opposite side that you were.

Even though he’d become a firefighter like his dad, he didn’t understand how he could have such a strong faith in God when things like this happened.  Sitting across from you, seeing how tired and run down you looked, he wasn’t sure he believed at all.  How could a God that claimed to be so benevolent and loving do this?  Or at least not step in and do something to stop it?

“Did you bring the goods?” You asked with a bit of a laugh, before breaking off into a deep cough.  “Fuck…”

“Me, too,” he said softly as he grabbed one of the cough drops and tossed it in your direction.

You groaned as it landed behind you, shooting him a glare.  “Do I look like a basketball player to you?”

Steve let out a snort as he grabbed another one.  “Okay, are you ready this time?” He asked, raising a single blonde brow.

“Oh, my god, yes.  Please, just throw it,” you said, but there was a slight grin toying at the corner of your mouth.

“What’s the magic word?” He asked.  This was, quite honestly, the most fun he’d had in ages.

You gave him a look that said you’d kill him if he didn’t give you a cough drop.  “Give me a cough drop before I break down sobbing because it hurts so bad?” You deadpanned.

“Okay, okay.  No need to get dramatic,” he said before he tossed another one.  This one hit your forehead before falling into your lap.

“If you want dramatic, I can turn into a Disney princess right now,” you giggled.  Your voice was weak, but it was hard to muster up the energy to talk sometimes.  Actually, not even sometimes.  Most times.

He watched you for a minute as you worked the wrapper of the cough drop off and popped it into your mouth.  “I’m Steve.  Steve Rogers.”

“Well, hello, Steve.  Steve Rogers,” you said with a giggle, your words slightly distorted from the hard candy in your mouth.  You gave him your name as he tossed you the other two cough drops.

It was nice to have someone to talk to.  It had been four days since the two of you entered the hospital before you had called out to him.  And yeah, he still had his phone.  He texted and called Bucky everyday, but it wasn’t the same as having a face-to-face conversation.

It also kinda helped that you were really, really pretty, even when you were sick and exhausted.

In fact, he couldn’t remember anyone that he thought was as pretty as you.

“Stevie?” You said a week and a half later.  It had gotten worse.  So much worse.  You had breathing tubes in, as well as an IV.  His wasn’t as bad.  He just required the IV.

Your nurses tried to get you to stay in your beds, but they soon gave up the fight, choosing instead to help the both of you move your chairs so you could talk to each other, separated by a hallway.

“Yeah, doll face?”  Steve’s heart was hurting as he watched you with sad blue eyes. You were wrapped up in one of his hoodies, drowning in the fabric.  He’d gotten Bucky to run by his apartment and grab him some more comfortable clothes, though he’d had to leave it with a doctor and wasn’t allowed to see him.

They couldn’t risk it. “They’re talking about a second wave,” you said as you wrapped your blanket tighter around you, pulling your knees up to your chest.  “They wanna start opening things in late May…  But it’s too early…  I…”  You swallowed thickly, your heart pounding against your rib cage.  “I’m so scared, Stevie.”

“Hey…”  There was nothing he wanted more than to be able to walk across the hall and take you into his arms.  “Whatever happens, you’ve got me.  You hear me?  We’re in this together, okay?  And we’re gonna make it.  We’re gonna make it because we gotta.”

That night, he waited for the lights to go out and for the nurses to switch over to the night shift.  A lot of the nurses weren’t as vigilant about taking care of them as the day shift, and he knew he could use that to his advantage.

He knew this was risky, but he had to do it.

Steve carefully got out of bed and dragged his monitor behind him, taking slow measured steps.  He’d waited about an hour after rounds, knowing that they wouldn’t be coming for another three.  It gave him plenty of time.  He tiptoed across the hall after ensuring that the coast was clear, slipping into your room.

The room was bathed in a soft blue light coming from the open curtains, a billboard outside flashing.  You looked so peaceful, finally asleep after tossing back and forth for hours.  The blue tones glistened against your soft skin.  You were so quiet that his eyes instinctively flickered over to the heart monitor, listening to the quiet beeping that reassured him that you were alive.

He wobbled the chair over to the side of your bed, being careful not to drag it so it didn’t squeak and alert a nurse or doctor.  When it was finally in place, he sunk into it with a relieved sigh.

Your nose scrunched up at the faint noise.

“Dollface,” he whispered as he gently caressed your cheek, his heart pounding.  This was the first time he’d ever gotten to touch you.  This was the first time he’d been close enough to even attempt it.

Your eyes fluttered open, blinking sleepily at him.  “Stevie?”

“Hey…,” he said softly as he traced the patterns of her face.  “It’s me…  Don’t worry…”

“What are you doing here?” You asked, her voice a hoarse whisper.  “We’re supposed to be—”

“I know,” he said as he gently scratched your scalp.  “But I’m worried…  And you need me.”

You slowly relaxed back against your pillow as your eyes searched his face.  He liked when you were soft like this.

Well, he liked you all the time, but still.  He liked you most when you were sleepy and relaxed.

“How are you feeling?”

With a shrug, you let your eyes close again.  “I don’t know…  I’ve been better.”  A sigh escaped your lips as you opened your eyes again, trying your best to not melt too far into him.  You didn’t want to fall asleep when this was the first time you’d gotten to feel him near.  “We’re lucky… Our cases aren’t as bad as what others are going through…”

That was true.  Others were on respirators, going into comas.  You two were lucky.

And he was so grateful for that.

“I was thinking…,” he murmured.

A snort.  “That’s never good.”

He gave you a look, raising his brows.  “Apparently people aren’t… completely better even after they’re cleared of the virus…,” he said.  He was watching your face carefully for any sign of a reaction.  “And I live alone.  And you said you have roommates but two of them are considered essential workers, which means there’s a risk of you getting it again…  And I was just thinking…”

“Yeah?...” You probed, sitting up a little.

“We’re gonna need someone to help us… without risking the others that we love, and I just…”  He coughed to clear his throat, his cheeks red.  “I was thinking maybe you could move in for a little while?  Maybe until all this has passed?  And we can… we can…”

Your eyes flickered over his face.  “We can take care of each other?”

Steve nodded, swallowing around the lump that had formed in his throat.  “Yeah.  We can take care of each other…  I’ll have your back and you’ll have mine.  And maybe it’s quick, but... ”

Can’t you feel it? He wanted to ask.  Can’t you feel this thing between us?  This connection that was found and fostered in possibly the darkest time of this generation’s existence?  This love that made me think that maybe there is a Grace in the world?  Because otherwise, how the hell would I have been able to find you?

But he knew that was probably a lot, even if the feeling he had when he looked at her was a little bit more than like.

“But… you barely know me.”

“That’s not true,” he breathed out quietly, a finger running down your jaw.  “I know about your family.  I know your first pet’s name and where it’s buried.  I know that you like white Christmas lights over rainbow because you like how it can look like snow if it’s done right.”

Tears were in your eyes, your cheeks flushed as you listened to him.

A smile crept up on his lips.  “I know you like the citrus flavored cough drops, and you have to sleep with a blanket on, even if it’s eighty degrees outside.  I know how much you love cheesy rom-coms and you can only watch horror movies at night because otherwise you’ll have nightmares.”  His forehead rested against hers, your noses brushing.  “I know you.  And I wanna take care of you.  When we get out of here, I don’t want to forget you.  I want to spend my life with you.  And maybe that’s too much too soon and more than a little cheesy, but—”

“Stevie…”  You were the one who leaned in first and pressed your lips to his, the salty taste of your tears mixing in with your peppermint chapstick.  “I’m not easy to take care of.  I’m even more stubborn when I’m feeling helpless like I am now…”

“That’s okay,” he said as he pecked your lips again, letting it linger.  The two of you knew that a nurse could come down the hall any second and catch you, but it didn’t matter.  You were together and you were alive.  “I don’t need easy.  I just need you.”

[moonctzeny]

Heaven and Hell

request:

” You had an eternity to live out, but you wished you could spend it all with him in that moment, on that roof of a house party. How could something as nice as what you were feeling right now be so wrong?”

pairing: demon!Ten x angel! reader

genre: angst,fluff

warnings: this fic is probably religiously innacurate, but more based on the bible’s represantation of angels and demons. I didn’t explicitly describe satan on purpose 

word count: 2,298

Being an angel, God’s ambassador and a messenger to humans, meant spiritually guiding them into making righteous decisions. Most times, seeing the mortal beings following your advice into a purer, more honorable lifestyle was extremely rewarding. Other times, like today, it meant attending a high school party, trying to keep impressionable teenagers from drugs, alcohol and sex.

And the being offering these things oh so generously, was no other than the demon who first introduced the feeling of anger in your heart.

Ten was much better than you at blending in, wearing a black shirt that was half-unbuttoned and showed his neck, adorned with chains and devilish signs. A bucket hat covered the two small red horns that were usually peeking out of his locks, a lit up cigarette on his lips. You probably seemed a little lost in comparison, overwhelmed with all the sins already being committed around you. Your wings were tucked awkwardly inside an oversized leather jacket, covering much of the silky ivory dress that always covered your body.

An unseeable force was leading you to him, and you came across his signature smirk when he locked eyes with you. He looks you up and down, smiling at your appearance, as innocent as he always knew you. Taking a drag from his cigarette, he blows the smoke at your face before finally speaking.

“Well, well, isn’t it my favorite little angel. What’s a heavenly creature like you doing in a bad place like this?”

Scoffing at his greeting, you try to fan out the smoke that was making it even harder to breathe around him.

“Trying to save these kids from listening to your terrible advice”

As if to prove your point, Ten pats a boy on the shoulder, offering him two cigarettes.

“Here, my treat. Give one to your girlfriend as well”

The boy smiles at the demon and thanks him before starting to walk away hand in hand with his girl, Ten’s unsuspecting second victim. You try to follow after them, yelling at their direction before they start disappearing into the crowd.

“Did you know that on average, the life expectancy of a smoker is 10 years less than a nonsmoker? Cigarette smoke contains more than 7,000 chemicals, 70 of which are known to-“

Ten puts an arm between you and the teens, keeping you from continuing your lecture.

“Darling, darling, stop. They can’t hear you. They’re too busy trying to find a spot to make out with each other. And then maybe do something more”. You turn red at his statement, holding him responsible once more for filling your pristine soul with rage. “Oh, come on, aren’t you all for love and recreation and all that?”

“Yes. When you find the right person, decide to spend the rest of your life with them. Not at the dirty basement of a house party”

He drops his cigarette to the floor, putting it out with his shoe as he steps closer to you. You get startled as he moves one of his hands on your face, moving a strand of hair away from your eyes.

“Sometimes, being with the wrong person feels so right”

His words made you shiver, but you knew better than to succumb so easily to him. You held his wrist, stilling his hand, despite his touch feeling so good.

“Don’t expect me to fall for your devilish preachings like some human”

“What is that I sense my little angel? Anger? Maybe a little bit of superiority against the mortals?”

“Maybe you’re rubbing off on me”

He grinned at that, glad that tonight’s mission got him to spend time with you. He wasn’t lying earlier, you really were his favorite. The mere sight of you made something unfamiliar to him grow in his belly. A feeling of safety, kindness. He was a being of darkness but being around something as divine as you felt natural to him, his own personal sin.

But your little game of push and pull wasn’t over yet. Your intimate moment got interrupted by a teenage girl, disoriented and looking for her drunken friend. Using your powers to find her, you inform her of the location, and take the vodka bottle gently from her hands. Immediately trying to one up you, Ten grabs it from you and makes eye contact with another boy from across the room. You see a red light flickering in his orbs, enticing his new victim to come closer. The boy indeed walks towards you, completely hypnotized by the demon, accepting the booze, and starts to chug the liquid right in front of you.

“You are so annoying! I just helped that girl not to drink”

“If I’m so annoying then why are you still here? You are the one who came to me first, remember?”

You hated it, but he was right. You’d never let the angels hear about this, but ever since meeting Ten for the first time, you

couldn’t stop thinking about him. Lusting over other creatures, let alone a demon was forbidden, but even an angel couldn’t repudiate his looks, sinfully irresistible. You let yourself get lost in his eyes, admiring their red-ish hue that was intensified by the black eyeliner he wore tonight. His voice brought you out of your thoughts, as seductive as it was expected from a Devil’s servant.

“Wanna get out of here?”

You knew there was nothing you could do to deny him, but decided to save face.

“You would miss the opportunity to see Jimmy over there get drunk with the Hennessy you offered him, just to walk around with a creature of heaven like me?”

“Maybe you’re rubbing off on me”

He took your hand in a manner too sweet for a demon, and led you to the roof of the house.

You were alone, as no one would dare to climb up somewhere so dangerous if they didn’t posses a thousand lives like the two of you. Ten sat next to you, lighting up another cigarette while you took your uncomfortable jacket off.

“I am a fan of leather”, he started and took a drag, “but don’t you dare cover up those pretty wings again”

“I didn’t know that demons could grasp the concept of beauty. Aren’t you supposed to celebrate chaos and ugliness?”

He sat and contemplated his answer for a second.

“Yes. But- you’re different. Too beautiful”

You were shocked by his honesty and deeply flattered by his words. He made you feel prideful of your looks, another thing that the angels wouldn’t approve of. You were supposed to be just a servant, void of the need for individuality and any feelings of vanity.

“Then why are you hiding yourself with that hat?”, you retort quickly in an effort to hide your abashment.

Ten grinned at you, taking his hat off and ruffling his hair. He looked so handsome in his carefreeness that you felt your heart skip a beat.

“Did you miss my horns, my little demon?”

“Y-yeah. They’re cute. And since when did you start calling me your little demon instead of your little angel?”

“Since-”, he started and threw the stub of his cigarette off the roof. There was a moment of doubt from him that made you even more aware of the electric atmosphere. He leaned closer to you, a solemn look on his face and once again, you felt a higher power drawing you to him.

“Since now. My angel, my demon, it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re mine”

His lips tasted bitter from the tobacco, but the kiss was sugary sweet. He put one of his hands over yours, thumb comfortingly rubbing shapes on your skin. You melted against the kiss, unable to think about the ultimate sin you were committing.

It felt so right to be in Ten’s arms. To bask in the moonlight with him, sharing kisses all night long and laughing against his shoulder. You had an eternity to live out, but you wished you could spend it all with him in that moment, on that roof of a house party. How could something as nice as what you were feeling right now be so wrong?

 It wasn’t the last time you would meet like that. Going for missions in the same place as him meant sneaking off somewhere together, where you could enjoy each other’s company away from prying eyes. Sometimes, it’d be hard to look away from the small temptations he was planting in humans’ lives, but you knew that in his world, he was sinning as badly as you did.

In your acting moments as a mortal, Ten was always there to protect you from deplorable humans. In your intimate moments, he treated you with care and delicacy. He would do anything to make you smile, and you felt his heart fill up with joy and love, things forbidden in the underworld.

But see, when you work for divinely beings, there are not many things you can

keep hidden. When the angelic host found out about your relationship with Ten, you were banned from heaven, and condemned to hell. You pleaded with them for mercy, telling them that you loved him and love shouldn’t be punished like that, only to respond that your judgement doesn’t mean anything to them.

Ten was right next to you, when you entered the gates of hell. His heart shattered seeing you in your miserable state, immediately pulling your crying mess into a hug.

“Come here baby. We’ll work it out, don’t worry”

A hand rubbed your back to comfort you, the motion only ripping your wings out even more. From the moment you got kicked out from heaven they started falling off, one by one, a tear for a feather.

You felt broken. You didn’t want to face everything you spent all your life fighting against, but if it meant being next to Ten you would give it a shot. Would it be possible to spend your days with him, without guilt, even in a place like this?

Maybe it was foolish of you to think that the devil would allow for a love like this to flourish.

There he stood, the most terrifying and ugly creature you had seen, a morph of everything wrong in this world, eyeing the two of you up and down.

“Banned out of heaven huh? Well, I don’t have enough space in here for the two of you, this isn’t a bed and breakfast for young lovers”

Ten held your hand to ground you, sensing your desperation.

“Oh come on, she defied the angels! There must be a place for her”

Asking for mercy? From the devil? It was futile and Ten knew, with the way the being answered him nonchalantly, as if your fate wasn’t in the line.

“Sorry, but I’m gonna have to send her to the purgatory”

Of course he would say that, what’s more evil than ripping two creatures that are meant to be together away from each other?

“The purgatory? And what am I supposed to do there?” The devil smiled at you, spreading goosebumps all over your skin.

“Nothing. You’ll stay there, all alone in the emptiness. Forever”

You fell on your knees, weeping. You had lost everything, defied your morals and your place in heaven to be with your lover, only to have him taken away for eternity. The fiery rocks beneath you dug through your skin but your heart hurt more.

Next to you, Ten was consumed with another feeling he experienced for the very first time. Guilt. All these sins he had led the humans to commit through the years had never affected him like this. You were the only thing in his life he was proud of. His treasure, that he promised himself to protect and now, you were just another creature who would suffer because of him.

“I’ll go”, he said determined, and you could see him shaking, even through your tear-induced blurry vision. “I’ll go instead of her. And she can stay here”

You got up on your feet and immediately started pleading for him to stop, that he shouldn’t give up his life too, that you loved him so it was worth it. But Ten wasn’t budging.

One might think that the devil wouldn’t really bat an eye at the requested switch, as he made pretty clear that beings so inferior to him such as you and Ten don’t matter to him. Instead, he looked like the throne he sat on was made out of the lava moving in rivers around you, a disgusted look on his face.

“Ugh! How can a spawn of the devil suggest something like that? You expect me to keep you here, Chittaphon? After this whole altruistic, benevolent shit show you played out right now?” You and Ten were frozen in place, holding your breaths, waiting for his next words. “You disgust me, I don’t want either of you here. Since you are both so terrible at being supernatural beings, you go live as mortals. And we’ll see where you both belong to when you die”

 Losing your immortality wasn’t easy. You felt like a little kid experiencing the world for the first time with all the jealousy, sorrow, and anxiety that consumed you in your weakest moments. Ten wasn’t sure how to be nurturing, how to feel wholesome or at peace. You had to guide him through all those new warm feelings in his belly, your first child together teaching him a lot. That vulnerability, that your divine natures weren’t capable of before, deepened your understanding of each other. A new start that made you stronger. And you were sure that even when you go to the other life again, you will still be together.

[oooooocheshirecuntoooooo]

In the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere ..... Oh the adventures we had with a hooker. All. Night. Long. 😂

It involves me, my husband, our 18 & 3 year old daughters, a cop and the hooker ... oh and a store clerk and her son. And for real. All night from like 12:30am to 7 am. And now I am home, but without the van and three of the kids didn’t make it home with us.

The following story is absolutely, 100% true. Although it’s not the kind of exciting you’re used to hearing from me, it’s still pretty bizarre. 😂

Just to give a little back story to help paint a clear picture .... So, we always go to my in laws for Christmas but we usually only stay maybe 3-6 days or so depending on how things fall together. This year we decided to stay through New Years because of some drama back at our home. My mother lives on our property and is mentally ill, and we’re pretty sure dementia is setting in. She’s never been an easy person to be around and we have always fought constantly but I have tried to take care of her anyway because she’s the only mom I’ve got, ya know? The last couple years though she’s gotten a lot more aggressive. In July she assaulted her doctor over the mask requirement and even had to go to court over it. Then in august she assaulted me, tried to choke me to death in my own home and in front of my kids. Of course I over powered her and forcefully pushed her out of my house, so yes she sustained bruises and such from that but that’s the extent of it. (She told all of Facebook in a public post that I beat her up every day and that kind of thing. She posts almost every day that she’s being abused, etc. Shes called the police at least 4times in three months. She tried to accuse me of elder abuse and even said I neglect and abuse my kids. Four times they have come out and investigated and not only said they see no signs of child or elder abuse, or anything to backup her claims. They talked to the kids and quickly agreed they were all fine too.

So fast forward to Christmas Eve. We were trying to load up the van to leave for our trip. We couldn’t hardly get it done because she was hounding us so much. When we were done I sent the kids to the car while hubby and I grabbed the last few bags. I blinked and she was charging toward the kids and yelling things at them like “you’re going to be a whore like your mom when you grow up. You wanna suck dick for a living?” And “I hope you die slowly and are alone and afraid for hours before you die.” The oldest child there that day was 12. And no, I’ve never worked in prostitution before. She began to charge toward me when I yelled at her to get away from the kids. Hubby told her to go back in her house and she wouldn’t. Kept coming toward us. So he pulled out his pistol, didn’t cock it or anything, and said again to go back in her house. So she called the police again .... 🙄

So we stayed longer trying to talk to the family lawyer and get a game plan. We’re following through with pressing assault charges so I can get a restraining order, and we’re filing for eviction. So we got all packed and ready to go and noticed liquid under the van. The power steering pump went out and the line busted all over everything. So that set us back another couple of days but we got the line and the pump replaced and tested everything and it looked good. It was late but we decided to set out anyway. We knew we’d get in late but the advantage to that was my crazy mother would be asleep and we could at least get in and unload the van in peace.

About 12:30 the battery light came on and we weren’t near ANYTHING. Somehow we made it another 20 miles or so until we got to a small town we’ve never stopped in before. We stopped at a gas station and barely got in the lot when it died. Hubby tinkered with some things and it looks like the alternator. Apparently some power steering fluid got in it when it busted but we couldn’t see that at the time, including the mechanic neighbor friend helping with it.

So we’re an hour and a half from home and totally stranded in the middle of the night with, thankfully, only two of our kids - the 18 & 3 year old. We make the calls for roadside assistance and I begin calling everyone I know that might can come help us. It’s freezing and none of us packed coats because it’s not usually this cold down here this early in winter. Hubby was wearing shorts even. So we take turns going in the store and sitting in the van with our things - there’s a large fully loaded cargo bag on the roof and a bike rack with two bikes on the back. Figured if we left it alone for a long time those things at least would disappear, essentially given the atmosphere of the place.

In all the moving around and the cashier asking questions and getting to know us and the situation we were in, this big eyed, buck toothed, scraggly little older, black lady who looked like she hasn’t bathed in years starts talking to hubby about what’s wrong with the van. He goes back to tinker with it often hoping he’s wrong about the alternator or that he missed a loose connection - anything that might help us get out of here l, if not home. I am watching cars like a hawk because you wouldn’t believe how many would pull in, loop the parking lot while staring at us and leave again. It started feeling like sharks circling and a feeding frenzy building up. So I’m on edge and I make sure the pistol is within reach at all times. So this little trashy lady keeps talking to him about the mechanics and trying to troubleshoot it. Lemme pain a more accurate picture: this spun out little crack whore was chasing the dragon, looking for it inside the oil reserve, the transmission fluid ..... she keeps pulling out the dipsticks, shaking them like a Polaroid picture and slinging fluids everywhere and then says “I think it’s your starter.”

No doubt she’s trying to hustle some cash and once even asked for some gas money when’s we see the car she rode in pull away and leave her there. She said it was her brother. After awhile, hubby has had enough. He’s usually pretty patient with people who are too fucked up to reach reality but this isn’t the time for all that. Not only is she a hindrance, she keeps snatching his tools and once even his phone out of his hands. I was in the car and I heard him yell “carry your ass already!” If he’s talking to even an annoying stranger like that, I know shit is hitting the fan. Me? I’m Irish. I would’ve done popped off at her which is why I was avoiding her completely. So I got out and joined him and started yelling at her to fuck off. She will take a few steps away and come back but she does finally go all the way back in the store, both of us cussing her the whole way. I blink and she back in his face again. She keeps saying random shit like “anything you can do I can do better” and “I helped you and you just turn me away. That’s not what the Bible says” and “God got me. I don’t need you. I pray for you”

I’m beyond pissed. I’m cold —- and I loath being cold — and I’m tired, it’s now like 2:30 or 3, I’m feeling vulnerable just by being broke down and especially with the toddler who can’t do anything to protect herself or understand what’s going on and who is extremely sensitive to any type of anger or tension (she cries hysterically when her siblings tickle fight or pillow fight and are laughing) and with all I’ve been dealing with with my mom lately I just have no give a shit left in me. So I jump out and say loudly “should I get the gun for you?” He said “it’s starting to look like it.” And I handed it to him and he put it in his pocket - more just wanting to communicate and it wanting to draw on her because that could invite charges for him potentially and we already have enough legal drama waiting at home. She slowly starts walking backward and keeps running her mouth. I forget what she said but she flipped my bitch switch again and I found myself screaming “Don’t make me cut a bitch!”

She said “what did you say?” And I pulled out my pretty pink and Pearl, large and extremely sharp pocket knife and extended the blade, “I said if you don’t carry your ass I WILL cut a bitch!” She nodded that smug kind of nod and kept going, “aaaiiignt”

The car that brought her there and left came back. She got in it and it left, stopped about 20 feet from the parking lot and she appeared to be forcefully shoved out from the way she rolled in the grass. But she goes walking the other direction so we figured she was gone. Meanwhile though in that amount of time I already dialed 911. The operator connected me to the local station and I spoke to dispatch. I kid you not, less than 60 seconds later an officer was there. We later learned he parks in a dark spot across the street of this divided highway. He even saw some of the commotion but couldn’t tell from the angle that it was heated. He tells us all about her, how she’s the local “hooker” / crack whore, along with her sister and mother. When I said we could tell she was drunk or inebriated or something he said, “more like high as a kite in with a jet pack!” I have seen a lot of people high in my years but I’ve never seen anyone act like she was so I asked, “On what?” He just shrugged “likely a combination of things. She’s a non discernment, equal opportunity junkie.”

Would you believe she showed up again while he’s talking to us? She tried to act like they were friends “hey! I know you. You’re married to my kin ...” He kinda yells at her and smirks “you a damn lie and you know it. I’m not even married.” Tim and I both glanced at his hands, his wedding band plainly visible. I got back in the van because my teeth are chattering so bad I can’t speak anyway. He puts her in the back of his car and talks to my husband again. He tells him he’s use to her and is going to take her to a relatives house where she goes when she needs to sleep it off for a day or two. He leaves and about 20 minutes later he’s back. Apparently he almost ran out of gas and he wanted to check in on us again. The jokes flew about how awkward that would look if he ran out of gas and was on the side of the road with the town hooker and all. He was a really nice guy and stayed with us most of the rest of the night. He said he got off at 7 and if we still didn’t have any help to give him a call, giving us his cell number.

So, at the same time I’m trying to get something done about the tow truck that needs to come get the van and find someone to come get us. The first wrecker — BROKE DOWN ON THE WAY TO PICK US UP! I was starting to feel cursed! The second wasn’t informed this would be a “long haul” tow and he only does local. Third times the charm right? Apparently so this time. He was a nice guy as well and took extra steps to keep the bikes and things secure on the trip.

We even had talked to hubby’s parents when we very first broke down. They were asleep but I was able to text my kids that stayed behind to spend another day or two with them, and they were coming up anyway to do some work on the property up here and file the eviction. So the boy, who will be 11 tomorrow, and the 12yo girl woke them up and told them we broke down. Apparently the 8 year old had already gone to sleep. His parents got up and talked to us and they were like, we’ll work on it and let me know what you find out. What the insurance company will do. So when the tow truck showed up, at 4:30, we asked if one of them could come get us because all the insurance company said was “MAYBE a supervisor could make an allowance for a Lyft or something like that but it didn’t seem a highly probable option. I realize we were 3 hours from his parents but they got up and stayed up from the first time we called and father in law could’ve gotten us and most of our stuff in the van and gotten us home, and him back to his house, before lunch and then slept or done whatever work he felt was more important than our safety. I’m kinda ticked about that. So we get what things we can’t live without immediately and head into the store to wait for a solution to arise, or friends to wake up! I was the last one going in and I was shivering so bad I dropped the things in my hands. I bent down to pick them up when two large shoes stepped in to my view, directly in front of me.

I stand up and then continue looking up to find the eyes looking back at me - a huge ‘cornfed’ red neck man who almost is convincing at appearing to be tough as nails, but I see the gentle kindness in him immediately. However, when he named the itty bitty, no red light havin’ isolated little farm town we live in I was flabbergasted. I actually stuttered and just made noise instead of words when I tried to respond. He even chuckled and playfully’ mocked’ me but was even kind about it. It was more like he got a kick out of how taken off guard I was. He said “Do y’all need a ride to (hometown)?” in that extremely slow, drawn out way the redneck Southerns do. In a minute I nodded and said “How do you know that?” I continued walking in the store as I spoke and of course he followed and opened the door for me. Hubby had run back and flagged down the tow truck before it left, remembering the car seat was left in it and that would be essential to getting us home. He had already talked to the man but j didn’t know that. In fact, in all the in and out that night hubby and my older daughter had told the cashier bits and pieces of the situation and it hit a point where she realized help wasn’t coming very fast and didn’t want to see any more trouble fall on us like with the oh so classy hooker we had already met. So she called her son, knowing this was the kind of thing he was always looking to do. He kept telling us that he just really liked to drive and it was no big deal and that he had time to get us there and back home before work even. After debating over it for what felt like hours but was probably only 5 minutes hubby and I decided it was probably the smartest option. He usually has a pretty keen sense of a persons character pretty quickly and so does my 18 year old - although it still needs to be fine tuned a bit but that will come with time, maturity, and unfortunately, heartbreak. We felt like we had a read on the kind, older lady cashier too and she even said “It’s ok. He’s my son. He’s not gonna hurt you or anybody that doesn’t try to hurt him first.”, laughing the last few words out and the glances between them revealing some inside joke / event. So we went ahead and got in his little car - which was more like a jumbo Geo Tracker and I honestly wondered how he ever fit inside. It wasn’t the best looking thing, kinda shabby and needing a lot of TLC, but for us it may as well have been luxury. It was a diamond in the rough, symbolic of the man who offered to drive us an hour and a half to get us home, and then back, before he went to work that day. By the time we got him we knew his life story - 33 and already a survivor of the heart attack they call ‘the widow maker’. We instantly fell in and we’re good friends. By the time we got home - at 7am - we hated to see him go. Of course we had a little Christmas gift cash on us and gave him a little something for his trouble, especially since he wouldn’t come in and let me make him something for breakfast. As I hugged him bye I told him “I will forever call you ‘My Angel Michael’. He said, “Well thank you ma’am. It was my pleasure.” and with that, he drove away.

[larktb-archive]

Hi! I'm too shy to come off anon, but I need your help understanding something. I hope I'm not bothering you!!

I don't want to interact with anyone who is a fascist, but I'm not entirely sure what makes someone fascist. Can you please explain it to me?

I know I could look it up myself, but I know that not all definitions online can be correct and I just want your perspective;;

Thanks!

Hi anon! Well, fascism comes in many forms so “sussing out who’s a fascist” is technically a little harder to do than having a simple checklist. After all, doesn’t a White Supremacist have different beliefs to a Japanese fascist? And doesn’t a Japanese fascist have different beliefs to a Wahabist? These beliefs clash don’t they? Well, yes and no. Sure the surface level beliefs are different but the underlying core beliefs of these groups are actually quite similar; it’s the specifics which are different. Even though it isn’t a “bible” on what is fascism and shouldn’t be taken as gospel, Umberto Eco has an essay called “Ur-Fascism” which contains 14 points, which can help us identify whether certain beliefs are fascist no matter the specifics of their belief system. I’ll explain the points in short and give some examples. Quick disclaimer, I am not an expert on fascism or any of the ideologies I’ll discuss by any means so if you aren’t taking Umberto Eco’s writing as the 100% correct truth, definitely don’t take mine as that either (this is how you should treat most sources tho):

1. Cult of Tradition and 2. Rejection of modernity

I put these two together because they’re kind of inseparable. This is basically the idea that there was a “glorious past” that people need to return to and modernity is a corruption of that “glorious past”. In British fascist thought, this past is generally the 19th century at the zenith of the British Empire or mid-20th century Britain. The latter is more common for people who wish to be a little more PC with their writings; instead of trying to use a by-gone era that pretty much no one alive can remember, they use a much more recent time with nostalgic ideas of “the good old days” which doesn’t seem threatening on it’s surface but is dogwhistling for a time when there weren’t as many immigrants in the country.

You may have seen the “reject modernity, embrace tradition” meme and it’s pretty much the most obvious incarnation of this idea. Similarly you may seen people online use “degenerate” as an insult. If you look at the meaning of the degenerate it means “having lost the physical, mental, or moral qualities considered normal and desirable; showing evidence of decline”; it’s microcosm of these ideas put into a single insult. This is why you tend to see conservatives use it more than progressives.

I’d also argue that terfs obsession with 2nd wave feminism and their utter rejection of intersectionality and modern feminism is another manifestation of this idea. 

3. Action for actions sake

This is less detectable in terms of individuals but still important to note that these people tend to support action without a cause. Sure the insurrection at the white house earlier this year was action, but it had no substance behind it. It was action for actions sake, which is why any principled leftist didn’t support it. Fascists will tend to openly just call for action but won’t be very specific about the purposes of the action; as long as they agree with the ideology behind it they’ll support it. It’s why fascists love harassment campaigns and mindless acts of terror. Take Wahabist terrorist orgs like Al-Qaeda or ISIS, it doesn’t matter if bombing an Ariana Grande concert has no point, the only point is the action itself.

4. Disagreement is treason  

This one’s pretty self explanatory, they will ostracize you if you disagree with them. Again, terfs tend to do this, and I had a long conversation with an ex-terf I called a dumbass, who basically said that she was ostracized by them and mocked for having different beliefs (hope she’s doing well actually). There’s numerous stories from ex-terfs like this.

5. Fear of difference

There’s a tendency for fascists to group people into “us” and “them”. “They” are considered to be intruders who need to be removed whereas “we” are the people who deserve to be here because it is “our” right to be here. In Zulu Nationalism, this tends to be any non-Zulu speakers who they deem to be “Shangaan” even if they aren’t actually Tsonga, it’s just a pejorative at this point. If you see vague references to the “elite” without any reference to who they are and what makes them “elite”, this is tends to be a dogwhistle for Jewish people. Western Fascists have very little issue with the workings of capitalism itself or the accumulation of wealth by capitalists, they just don’t like “them”, taking “our” stuff. Any references to “us” and “them” is pretty much a red flag.

6. Appeal to Social Frustration

Fascists will tend to brush upon actual issues faced by the poor today but will instead blame it on an outside force. You’ll see job loss being blamed on immigrants or vague “elites”. Terfs do this too. They’ll see young girls who are genuinely struggling with patriarchal issues and divert all that pent up rage towards trans people and the “q*eers” (which they do tend to use as a slur unlike what most people would have you think). 

7. Obsession with a Plot

Everything is a conspiracy! The election was rigged! 9/11 was fake! that fucking pizza place/this furniture company is a sex ring! All of these are supposedly plots by the deep state who are trying to do... something or other. You’ll notice these “Plots” don’t actually have a purpose, but the fact that there is a plot itself is the issue. This is a way of engendering paranoia in the group while also feeling that there is a constant war against you even if there isn’t. This is also why, despite news sources being pro-capitalist the right will swear up and down it’s leftist media which is controlled by “them” (usually just meaning Jewish people).

8. The enemy is both strong and weak

“Trans people have infiltrated academia and the only reason people refuse to see gender as an immutable biological concept, is because they’re too afraid of the trans cabal to say anything. But also everyone can tell trans people are crazy and haha you have a high suicide rate.” It’s contradictory that’s the point. They need to feel that they’re both counterculture but also they need to be winning at all times so that contradiction is necessary. Also the use of the word “cabal” is a pretty big red flag for all forms of fascism.

9. Pacifism is trafficking with the enemy, 10. Contempt for the weak, 11. Everybody is educated to become a hero and 12. Machismo and weaponry

All of these are kind of interrelated so I’m grouping them together (also this is already fucking long as hell so I don’t wanna bore you any further). You’ll tend to see a love for the military or at least military aesthetics when looking through fascist blogs. Guns aren’t just a tool for fascists, they’re representative of masculinity and the necessity of violence. Pacifists and anyone who refuses to fight are weak and therefore are “degenerate”. If you do not fight, if you are not willing to fight, you cannot be a “hero” (an ubermensch or a matyr). This comes with the fetishization of violence instead of the recognition of violence being an means to an end, and the worship of individuals rather than of communities and organizations. Take Japanese fascists and their lionisation of the imperial military and their desire to once again have an actual army.

Terfs don’t necessarily fit these roles except for arguably 10 considering how much they seem to look down upon the mentally ill and those who commit suicide and surprisingly 11 since that involves the hatred of non-standard sexual activities and terfs hate non-standard sex (this is from the most vanilla bitch who is very uncomfortable with kink but understands its not inherently good or bad). I have a feeling this is more so because terfs are mainly women (there are male terfs ofc) whereas this was written for male led organizations. 

13. Selective populism

When fascists talk about “the people” they tend to mean “the people we like”. “The working class” can be translated to “this cishet white christian man from Minnesota who owns land but hey he lives in a rural area so he’s working class right?”. They’ll also tend to have “tokens” who will suddenly become the mouth piece of the entire community they’re supposedly representing even if no one in the community asked them to (i.e. Milo Yiannopoulos). 

14. Ur fascism speaks Newspeak

They speak in terms which are both inaccessible to anyone outside of their circles whilst being so simple that once you learn them it becomes easy to understand. They abhor any form of “academic” speech so you’ll rarely see them source things (unless those things happen to agree with their views, which is rare but Jordan Peterson is popular for a reason) and if they do source things they probably wouldn’t have read them fully and will rely on you also not reading them. This is to limit any critical thinking so that your brain is basically jellified into an unquestioning organ which only responds “yes” or “no” and only appeals to a higher authority without any form of reasoning involved. This is why they complain about “the lefts memes being too wordy”... because they’re used to not having to read (this is somewhat tongue in cheek but heyho if the boot fits).

And that’s the 14 main features of fascism, if anyone is displaying multiple of these ideas then they are most likely fascist, and if an organization or group continuously replicates these ideas, then they are definitely fascist. I hope this wasn’t too long but like I said... very complex topic. (Also hopefully this is written well, it’s 10 PM and I am surviving off Irn Bru energy drink). Hope this helped!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

[betweenandbeloved]

Divinity: Mastered

Well, yes and no, but as of Tuesday, I officially completed all classes and assignments for my Masters of Divinity! I’m waiting on final grades and on Friday will officially be a seminary grad!

After 3.5 years it feels crazy to finally be here, graduating seminary with my Masters of Divinity. As this chapter in my life closes I reflect back on all the things I did in seminary, and suddenly, I feel like my perpetual exhaustion has all been validated:

I took 26 classes in 5 semesters across 3 campuses. I lived in Philadelphia, took some classes in Gettysburg, and for the last year joined the Distance Learning crew online and on Zoom.  I took classes in theology, history, faith formation, administration, worship, and so much more. Some of my favorite were definitely: The Lord’s Supper and the Church as Communion, Jesus and Cultural Perspectives, Theology and Praxis of Disaster Spiritual Care, and the travel seminar to Israel, Palestine, and Jordan.

I completed field education with Upper Dublin Lutheran Church. I was at church every Sunday, preached a few times each semester, attended or taught confirmation, adult forum, and some Sunday School classes, and did countless other programs with the church. While also taking classes.

I completed Clinical Pastoral Education - I spent 10 weeks working at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in center city Philadelphia. I met with patients and families in the Neuro Intensive Care Unit, Surgical Intensive Care Unit, the Emergency Department, and much more.  I listened to stories, sat with people while they died, and learned a lot about the incredible health care workers who work so hard. I held the record for number of traumas in one night and the record number of total deaths in a CPE unit. It was hard but so holy.

I spent a year on internship working full time at First Lutheran Church in Waltham, MA. The first six months were filed with preaching, teaching, leading Bible Study, visiting members, planning worship, and more. The last six months were figuring out how to do church at the beginning of the COVID-19 global pandemic. I learned first hands the realistic demands of ministry and fell absolutely in love with pastoral ministry.

I worked  at the Lutheran Archives Center at Philadelphia helping to preserve Lutheran history. I spent countless hours inventorying objects, artifacts, documents, and photographs from conventions, gatherings, and congregations dating back to the 1700′s in some cases. It taught me a lot about how much the church changed in just the last few hundred years.

Pre-pandemic we had social gatherings and outings. Thursday Church Key (drinking/ social time), evening Compline worship, Wednesday chapel and community lunch, Thursday breakfast and dinner church, Sunday family dinner, Monday outings at McMens, snowball fights, football practice, and so much more. It’s this social time that I’ve missed the most in the last year with the pandemic. But we still found ways to get together outside for meals and games, worship together on Zoom, and have hallway distanced gatherings.

Above: gathered for Compline, Below: Luther Bowl 2019

I made friends from near and far. Some from the same synod, others from new synods and states, and some from across the country and world. I also reconnected with friends from ELCA Youth Gatherings and from Young Adults in Global Mission. They have all taught me something unique and interesting about church, faith, and this crazy journey we are on.

Above: YAGM friends in seminary at ULS and LTSS - Justin: Mexico, Luke: Argentina/Uruguay, Rebekah: Hungary, Catherine: UK, Me: South Africa, Below: one of the many pre-pandemic family dinners

I wanna take a minute to shoutout my best friends from seminary. Zach Dean, (now) Rev. Stephen Boyhont, and Justin Marx. These dudes supported me during meltdowns, shared food, friendship, and laughter, and were always down for an adventure to Trolly Car, Earth Bread, or Ritas. Seminary would not have been the same without them. Also a huge shoutout to Sarah Marx and Ana Crivelli (soon to be Dean) for keeping all of us sane - we wouldn’t be where we are without your love and support.

Stephen is now off doing the pastor thing in Milwaukee, WI! Prayers and blessings to Zach and Justin as their next steps continue to unfold.  Enjoy this transformation photo from 2019 (pre-internship and pandemic) to our goodbye gathering for Stephen in April 2021.

There won’t be an in-person graduation ceremony, which is okay. It would have been nice to see all my friends one last time, but safety is of the utmost importance. We will all be together again someday, maybe a reunion? Maybe some ordinations in the future? Maybe future weddings (looking at you Zach and Ana)! We may be all over the country, but we will always be connected.

So what’s next for me? This is a journey filled with prayer and discernment, completing my master’s degree was just the beginning. That being said, I’m currently in conversation with the New Jersey Synod of the ELCA in the hopes of finding a congregation where I will serve my first-call as pastor! Stay tuned to see how the future unfolds!

[goldleafacrossyourlips]

Uneasy Lies the Head - Dark Lord/OC - Chapter 6

Chapters - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13

Chapter 6 - Marigold and Fire

Back at the Spellman House, while Nick and Sabrina were getting the Hand of Glory from Aunt Hilda, Samara ran upstairs to her room. She held out her hand as she approached her armoire filled with potions and ingredients. A bag flew into her hand and she quickly began picking potions out and filling her bag. While she hoped they’d get to the Academy before the Witch Hunters did, she wanted to be prepared if they didn’t. While a couple potions could be used as weapons, most of what she gathered were to help the fallen. Phlox paced around the room ready to go.

“Phlox, I know you want to go with me but you have to stay here. I can’t fight the hunters, help the injured and worry about you too. You’ll be safe here.” Samara’s words were met with fierce protests from her familiar. She huffed out a breath and knelt down. She extended her hand towards him.

“I know. I know. I’m the worst Witch alive and the most neglectful familiar. But I can’t have you go. I need to know you’re safe, here. Please Phlox.” Her voice was pleading and soft. She fought a smile as her familiar huffed and padded over to her, bumping her hand with his snout. She scratched his head before hurrying downstairs.

“Sabrina. Sabrina!” That sounded like Harvey Kinkle. Samara strode down the stairs, bag slung on her shoulder and clinking against her hip. Sure enough, that was Sabrina’s ex-boyfriend standing in their entry. Sabrina came running from the botanical room.

“Harvey!” 

“Oh, you’re okay!” Harvey enveloped Sabrina in a tight hug. Samara’s brow quirked at that. From what Sabrina had filled her in on, Harvey and his friends hadn’t been very nice to Sabrina. Judging her for her witch power and other things. It just lowered them in her mind. Samara never did have a high level of empathy for mortals.

“Well, yeah. I’m fine. But what are you doing here?” Sabrina pulled away as she spoke. Samara continued down the stairs, joining Nick at his side.

“Sabrina, someone was trying to kill you. How could I not come?” Samara rolled her eyes at his comment while watching her Aunt melt at his words.

“How’d you know about that?”

“I was with Roz when she had her vision. I rushed over to make sure you were okay. I’m so sorry for what I said and how I acted. Roz and I both are. It was shitty. It’s just… Roz has been hurting and I don’t know how to help her.” Harvey continued to ramble. Samara rolled her eyes again at his excuses. She heard Nick scoff at her side and shot him a smile.

“It’s fine, Harvey, truly. But we have to go. Witch-hunters are attacking the Academy.” Samara blew a sigh through her nose as Sabrina spoke. Now the boy would want to join them and help save Sabrina. Typical.

“Witch-hunters are attacking your other school?”

“Yeah, we better hurry.” Nick’s answer was short as he clapped Harvey on his back as he passed by him. Samara squeezed her Aunt’s hand and began to leave with Nick.

“I wanna come too. To help.” Bingo.

“No way, Witch-hunter.” Nick was firm in his response. 

“No. Uh.. Nick’s right, Harvey. It’s too dangerous.” Sabrina tried to speak some sense into the other boy.

“Yeah, and we don’t need anymore Witch-hunters.” Nick spit out. Samara moved forward and rested her hand on their magically repaired door, ready to go.

“I told you the night of the Greendale Thirteen, Sabrina. I’m done being a coward. If there are people-” Harvey began on a tirade.

“Witches.” Nick corrected.

“Whatever, in trouble, you’re gonna need as much help as possible.”

“Oh for Satan’s sake, let him help. He just wants to put things right. We don’t know how many Witch-hunters there are do we? So the more the merrier. Come on, sweet Harvey. I’ll catch you up on the way, my love.” Aunt Hilda cut in corralling everyone out the door. Always the one with a big heart. Samara couldn’t care less if the mortal came. So long as he actually proved useful and not a hindrance.

The group of 5 entered the Academy to destruction. There was blood spattered along the tile and the statue at the center of the school was rubble. 

“Baphomet! What unspeakable thing could have done this?” Nick breathed out. Staring in horror at the pieces of stone strewn on the ground. Samara continued around the room, looking for the students or professors.

“Are we too late?” Hilda asked the question on everyones’ minds. 

“Prudence? Agatha? Dorcas?” Sabrina called out. 

“Where is everyone?” Nick asked as he left the fallen statue. Just as he did, someone collapsed onto the floor over a chair in the next room. They all rushed over to see the heavily bleeding man.

“Ambrose? Ambrose!” Samara ran forward and fell to his side. She helped him onto his back and began scanning his wounds. She stared in horror at the dagger sticking from his chest as he seized. Blood poured from his mouth and wounds, soaking his clothes and staining his teeth.

“Thanks for the chicken, Aunt-” He began speaking but was cut off by choking and seizing. Aunt Hilda knelt across from her as Samara began rummaging through her bag. 

“He’s losing a lot of blood. I’m trying to find something for him. Try to stop the bleeding and get that Satan-forsaken dagger out of him.” Samara snapped as she continued to search for the vials she needed.

“Okay. This is going to hurt a tiny bit okay?” Aunt Hilda soothed before wrapping her hand around the dagger and ripping it out of his chest. Ambrose’s torso rose from the ground from the pain. Both let out ear-piercing shrieks.

“Ohh, I’m sorry, love. I’m sorry. Okay. Rivers may flow that blood may not. Blood be bound, and blood be clot.” Aunt Hilda chanted and continued under her breath as the blood flow paused. Samara finally found the vials she’d been searching for and began pulling them from her bag. Setting them onto the floor beside her.

“Ambrose, where is everyone?” Sabrina leaned over her cousin and asked him.

“Two...angels…..took them.” Ambrose managed to groan out. Samara’s head shot up and stared in shock at the rest of the group.

“Angels?”

“Aren’t angels supposed to be nice?” Harvey’s questions broke through Samara’s shock.

“Have you ever actually read the Bible? Angels are the ones with fiery swords.” Samara bit out, double checking the vials beside her.

“Took them where, Ambrose? Do you know?” Sabrina pressed to her gasping cousin.

“I do, Miss.” Came an otherworldly voice of a little boy. Sabrina leapt up and rushed towards the figure.

“Quentin! What happened?”

“The angels, they tried to take me and the other ghost children to Heaven, but we ran and hid.” The boy walked towards Sabrina. Samara felt sorrow slash through her at the thought of these Angels trying to uproot the children from their home.

“Did he just say ghost children?” Harvey asked full of disbelief. Samara snorted.

“So where did the angels take the witches, darling? ‘Cause we need to help them.” Hilda’s distraught voice interrupted, her eyes filled with tears. Ambrose began choking again and Hilda’s attention was drawn towards him.

“Our desecrated church.” 

“Our desecr- Why would they go there?” Sabrina asked in confusion.

“To convert them probably. That’s what they do. Convert then kill. They call it Cleansing.” Samara answered as she began pouring potions down Ambrose’s throat. Blood replenishing, pain numbing, energizing, plus others. 

“Let’s go then!” Sabrina was filled with determination.

“No you can’t Miss. They found the Church from us. Sealed it with Holy Water and reconsecrated it. No witches can get in or out.” Quentin interrupted. Samara felt herself droop at his response. All those witches.

“Okay, well. It’s not safe for you or the other ghost children here. Go back to your graveyard and hide, okay?”

“Yes, Miss.” Quentin disappeared before their eyes, presumably to return home.

“Sabrina I’m gonna have to tend to Ambrose’s wounds, so- He’s still losing blood.” Aunt Hilda despaired. Samara growled and started pulling more vials from her bag. The group behind her began figuring out how they were going to break into the Church. Samara forced some more potions into Ambrose. 

“I’ve already given him as much blood replenisher as I can for right now. He’ll have a reaction if I give him any more. Here, these 3 purple vials are it. If he’s still bleeding like he is in 15 minutes then give him another vial. Same thing 15 minutes after that. Yes?” Samara gave the instructions to her Aunt, feeling anger well within her that her potions weren’t working how she wanted them to. It must’ve been a blessed blade.

“Yes, my love. Thank Satan you brought your bag.” Aunt Hilda cradled her cheek in a bloodied hand, leaving behind streaks of blood on her pale skin. Samara heard her cousin storming out of the room, presumably to head to the desecrated church. She spun around and demanded Nick’s attention. 

“Nicholas. Aunt Hilda will need help. Ambrose isn’t clotting, even with everything I’ve given him. I think it’s because the blade was blessed. Keep chanting and keep him breathing. I’ll figure something out when I get back.” Samara commanded and stood up, turning to leave the room. Nick leapt up and grabbed her arm.

“Whoa, we just went over that no witch can get in or out of the Church. What do you think you’re going to be able to do?”

“Over my dead body is Sabrina facing avenging fucking angels alone. I don’t care if I have to raze that bloody building to the ground myself. Nothing is going to happen to her.” Samara growled out, her eyes flashing with fury. Nick quickly recoiled at her tone. He also ripped his hand away from her skin, feeling like he was holding hellfire. Samara spun around and stalked out of the Academy.

Her trip to the Church was short but filled with violence. Unconsciously any bush, tree or leaf in her path burst into flames as she walked. She found herself before the now consecrated church and glared. She took a deep breath and walked forward with single-minded determination. 

She reached the front door and felt like she’d hit a wall. Even though the doors were open, it felt like they were closed to her. Samara bared her teeth at the barrier and placed a hand against it. She felt it shudder at her mere touch and grinned a wicked smile. She dug her sharpened nails into the barrier and drug down. She felt as she managed to worm a sliver of a hold into the shield. Her grin grew at the small success and began channelling all of her energy, power and focus into creating a rip just big enough to fit through. Her Shadows swarmed around her, lending her extra energy as she expended hers. She felt herself begin to waver, her strength waning. She grit her teeth, solidified her spine and continued to pull and push and rip and rend. She felt a scream build in her chest as her magic threatened to fail. She released it with a haunting wail as blood began to drip from her nose. Finally, she could tell the hole she’d made was just big enough for her.

Samara rested her hands against the still standing parts of the barrier, panting as she recollected herself. She finally squirmed her way through the barrier. She flicked the loose hair out of her face and used the back of her hand to wipe the blood from her nose. She squared her shoulders, straightened her spine and marched towards the internal doors of the Church.

Samara stood in the doorway of the room as she watched Sabrina fall to the ground, arrow-riddled and a thorn crown upon her head. She remained silent as she took in the scene before her. 

The mere observer would’ve kneeled before her as they saw the fury within her eyes. Her dark hair flowed from her shoulders, her chin held high and set in determination. The glint of hellfire that shone in her eyes. The unholy shadows that danced around and caressed her. The coven that trembled before her would always picture this when her name was mentioned. 

“Samara Spellman! As your cousin was forsaken, there is still a chance for you! Kneel before the Lord and repent!” Jerry shouted, his arms raised before him. A crossbow held in one hand. Samara raised an eyebrow in response, feeling as though something otherworldly was influencing her.

“You dare come into my Community. You dare push your beliefs onto us. You dare slaughter innocent Witches in our Church of worship! I promise you, angel, you will come to regret what you have done. You will live the pain you have caused. You will not know peace for as long as I walk this Universe!” Samara’s voice echoed around the church with promise. The witches shuddered at the truth that rang through it. The male angel sneered at the tiny fearsome witch before him.

“Then you will meet an end like your Coven.” With quick movements he sent an arrow soaring through the air where it found its home in Samara’s abdomen. She looked down at it, prepared to approach the angel who shot her, when a blow from behind caused her to fall to her knees beside Sabrina. The dagger buried in her back was blessed. She could tell from the molten burning it riddled her with. A scream burst forth as a thorn crown was also placed upon her head. A second arrow flew and buried itself in her chest. 

“When you have died, know this Earth was cleansed from an aura of Darkness such as yours.” The man spat before her and turned towards the rest of the witches. Samara fell to her hands as blood spilled from her lips. She looked upon her cousin’s face and rested a hand on her cheek. She could feel as the end approached. She could feel and see her Shadows fluttering about, waiting for direction. She bowed her head and rested it on Sabrina’s, eyes closed as she struggled for another breath.

When she was about to give up, fight leaving her, she felt it. The same presence that had accosted her at her Dark Baptism. The same thing that filled her and blinded her when Blackwood touched her in his office. She felt as it’s fury licked up her spine, the worry it clenched in her belly, the determination it set in her jaw. She felt as it shared its own breath with her. She felt as it shared its own power with her. She felt herself smile at the gifts it was bestowing upon her and sent it a short prayer of thanks. 

Her eyes snapped open to stare at her cousin’s still face. Everything was hazed in gold and blue. She felt raw power coursing through her veins. She placed her lips upon her cousin’s cooling forehead and whispered against the skin.

“It’s not your time to leave, my Sword. Rise and finish them.” The words danced upon the girl’s skin. Samara watched as Sabrina’s eyes snapped open, no color to be seen but a glowing white. Samara knew that if she could see her own they’d be glowing the blue of hellfire.

She watched as Sabrina rose into the air and extended her arms towards the angels. Samara stood below and behind her cousin as she continued.

“That’s enough. I offer you a chance to survive the night. Convert, Hunters.” Her voice was not her own. Filled with the power and strength she now possessed, it sounded like dozens of voices combined to one. With a wave of her arms the angels were forced to kneel.

“Take Lucifer Morningstar into your hearts, and I promise you mercy. But you must say His prayer. O’Mighty Dark Lord, by whom all things are set afire….” She waited for them to repeat her. 

“Never.” Samara glared as the man spat. She felt satisfaction fill her at the shocked gasps and awe as Sabrina’s hand became fire.

“Say the prayer! It’s your one chance. Come on! Say it with me or you’ll burn in Hellfire.” Sabrina warned. Samara had a dark wicked smile curl on her face as she saw the angels’ resolution crumble and they began to repeat her cousin.

“O’Might Dark Lord, by whom all things are set afire. Thy power be thy path. Thy will be my desire. In Hell as it is on Earth. Praise Satan!” The prayer was finished with horror and fear fixed on the angels’ faces. Samara clapped and laughed.

“Well done. But my, how quickly you turn on your False God.” Samara drawled as she slowly walked towards the kneeling angels.

“Neither one of you is a witch. What are you?” The man breathed in fear.

“I am the Dark Lord’s Sword!” With Sabrina’s declaration she caught them up in Hellfire. Samara grinned at the action as the witches around them shrieked in fear. Samara glanced at the dead witch on the floor with her throat slit.

“Arise, Sister!” Samara shouted, her hands extended towards the fallen woman. The witches around her jumped as the dead woman gasped and began to sit up.

“Arise, Brother!” Samara did the same to the man laid on the floor, his throat slit too. Again those around him jumped as he sat up.

Sabrina floated down to join Samara on the floor, both their eyes still glowing. They clasped hands as the other got closer. 

“‘Brina? ‘Mara?” Came the shocked voice of Harvey behind them. Both girls tilted their heads as one to look at the mortal behind.