#years of trying to put reason in the mind of ppl right in the trash thanks to tiktok

[roach-works]

heyo! i just read your reblogs on that post about cis/trans ppl who ship m/m content and was struck by a lot of what you said. up until recently, i have "lived very fully and enthusiastically as a woman," though i've always envied/admired men in fiction and have always gravitated towards exploring men's stories in my work. i am starting to think this is bc i Am A Man but i'm struggling with relating to/understanding my past self, who seemed perfectly fine with being a woman (1/2)

okay, here's my very best piece of advice to cis, trans, or questioning people: you aren't, necessarily, who you were.

do you know the sunk cost fallacy? when you sink a lot of time, money, or ego into something, you get very reluctant to abandon that thing. people stake their reputation on a scam, then can't back down because it would mean admitting they were wrong. people blow their life savings at casinos, because they think that the next bet will validate all their past ones and save them. people with abusive partners want to believe that all the love they spent wasn't in vain.

for all these reasons, examining and potentially discarding fundamental pieces of your identity is very difficult. you put a lot of time into being this one gender. you staked your ego and reputation on it. you had some good times! it felt really worthwhile! but now you're starting to wonder if it is worth it, if it was ever worth it. if you were wrong, if you're stupid, if everyone's going to laugh at you, if there will be anything left if you throw all this time and life and selfhood in the trash.

full disclosure, i was proud to be a woman and i flatly did not want to be a trans man. i knew it would be hard, and i knew the risks were high, and i knew i'd have to eat a lot of shit as everyone in my life said 'wait, but you're a man-hating feminist. how do you square that?' and i would have to say, 'well, i can't square it. some things don't get solved like math problems.' i would have been a cis man in an instant but i was scared to death of having to do all the hard uncomfortable work of transitioning and still potentially just being stuck with this sort of shitty, unpleasant, messed up, mad-science approximation of a male body. i knew it just was not physically possible to turn myself into the man i would have been had i been AMAB, and the idea of settling for a crude facsimile sounded absolutely pathetic.

but like, the other thing about me, is that i have been chronically anxious since i was a little kid, and what i learned from being scared of absolutely everything was that i couldn't let fear stop me or i would live my life underneath a blanket, pissing myself. so by the time i had to face up to the horror and terror of potentially being trans, i had gotten into the habit of simply doing terrifying things anyway, because being terrified wasn't a valid excuse not to at least try it out.

here's the other thing about me! i've got an extreme case of ADHD brainworms and every five or ten years i go do Something Else. i love moving. i love turning into something new.

so what i found was that i absolutely love being consciously engaged in the business of being myself. i like taking hormones that change my body. i like taking medication that changes my mind. i love having my hands on the levers of who i am in this life and cranking them around to see what happens next. i am myself on purpose and it's absolutely exhilarating. i wouldn't trade it for being normal if you paid me.

and so here's the thing about everyone: you can change as soon as you want. right now! immediately!

your past self is just a record of who you were, it's not a prophecy. and before anyone says 'well it's not that easy, change is hard, it takes work and time!', i agree with that too! but that's because changing into something new requires effort for the same reason that moving anything takes effort: it's just inertia. objects at rest stay at rest unless changed. objects in motion continue on that path unless changed.

you will be the same person every day you don't deliberately try something new, and then, there you go, you're changing. i have picked up rocks that were a hundred million years old and thrown them into a pond; nothing about the stillness of the rock was forever or even important. i don't know how many other ways to phrase this but it's very important to me to try to communicate it to as many people as i can.

you can just stop doing something you don't like doing. you can just try something new immediately. you don't need an excuse. you don't need to justify the way you spend your time, the way you've spent it. you can love and cherish your womanhood for twenty seven years and then say 'i think i'm done with this now' and go try something else.

maybe you'll like being a man and find that it suits you much better than being a woman. maybe you won't! either way, you'll have changed, and you can just keep changing for as long as you live, and isn't that so much better than being frozen up with fear?

[catrasredemption-moved]

can I ask a prompt with some ppl giving pregnant catra a hard time? (is it still okay for pregnant catra? if not then it's okay too)

Vomiting TW

Time didn’t heal all wounds.

Catra was aware of it, and she didn’t take it personally when people glared at her or made comments. She drew the line at people trying to physically hurt her, but usually at that point Adora was between her and whoever was taking a swing, and she didn’t have to worry too much.

Even ten years later, Salineas was still the worst place to go. The kingdom had recovered nicely (due in no small part to the hours of sleep Catra had sacrificed to rebuild it), but memories lasted.

Mermista’s word trumped all feelings, though, so when Catra was invited to Salineas, no one could really protest.

“I’m still not sure why we couldn’t teleport,” Glimmer grumbled. “Pretty sure the boat is worse for Catra.”

It absolutely was. Catra had spent most of the journey leaning over the edge, or resting limply against it while Melog tried to comfort her. “Are you sure she’s okay?” Bow added, raising an eyebrow as he looked at her. Adora rubbed the back of her head nervously.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course I’m sure. I’m just... going to go check on her.”

She scrambled across the deck, joining Catra, who was starting to look a little green. “Maybe we should’ve just let Glimmer teleport us,” she said uncertainly. Catra shook her head furiously.

“No. No magic around the baby. Not like that.”

“Then can we at least tell Glimmer and Bow why? They’re worried.”

Catra raised her head to look blearily at their friends, who weren’t even trying to pretend they weren’t staring. “Maybe later,” she mumbled, dropping her head back against the edge. “If I survive this trip.”

They hadn’t told anyone outside of Mystacor they were trying to have a baby, and they hadn’t told anyone when they’d found out last week that Catra was pregnant. They were going to, but she was only six weeks, and they wanted to just wait a little longer, to be absolutely sure. They didn’t need pity if anything went wrong.

“We’re almost there. Just take a deep breath.”

Catra did as she was told - then groaned when the smell of salt water hit her sensitive nose. “Bad idea,” she groaned, leaning over the edge again. Adora rubbed her back pityingly.

It was a relief to finally dock, even if it took Catra an extra few minutes to collect herself and get up. They weren’t that far from the palace, but Glimmer still offered to teleport. “Nope,” Catra said, squaring her shoulders. She was not going to spend the rest of the night locked in the bathroom.

She felt a little better by the time they arrived at the ball room. It was Mermista’s birthday, which was pretty much the event of the season in Salineas. Catra was sure she would have reluctantly accepted if Catra had played sick to stay in Bright Moon, but... who was she to turn up some of the best sea food in the kingdom?

“Yeesh, I figured you guys would get here first,” a dry voice said as they walked into the already crowded room. They looked at Mermista, who was watching them with a dry smile and a raised eyebrow.

“Happy birthday!” Bow and Glimmer hugged her tight.

“Catra insisted on not teleporting for some reason so we had to take a boat-”

��What, was two hours of being sea sick better?”

“A little fresh air never killed anyone,” Catra said dismissively. Mermista rolled her eyes.

“Sure.”

Catra went straight for the food table, dragging Adora with her. “Well at least you’re feeling better,” Adora teased, squeezing Catra’s hand.

“Oh shut up-”

“She-Ra!”

Every time, without fail. Catra rolled her eyes, sighing, as Adora was waylaid by several admirers. She wasn’t about to wait - she was starving. And the baby was demanding shrimp.

And she wasn’t alone for long. Scorpia and Perfuma were already at the table, talking and snacking. “Hey Wildcat!” Scorpia said happily, scooping Catra into a hug. She winced, but smiled, patting Scorpia’s back.

“Hi Scorpia. You mind? I’m dying.”

Scorpia set her down, letting her get to the table at last so she could eat. “How was your trip?” Perfuma asked. “Bow mentioned you were taking a boat.”

“Yeah, enjoying the sights, you know.”

“Did you develop some love for the ocean?” Scorpia asked doubtfully. She’d seen Catra on boats a couple times. It never went well.

“I mean...”

Her attention was torn between Scorpia and Perfuma and the food, not to mention the din of the party. She had almost no warning before a rough hand grabbed the back of her shirt, throwing her to the ground. She landed hard, head snapping back with a crack. The world went blurry for a minute.

“-tra? ...okay?”

Perfuma’s voice drifted in and out. Catra grimaced, blinking a few times to clear her vision. Perfuma was kneeling beside her, trying to help her sit up, while Scorpia held Adora back from punching out the chef who had decided it was a crime for Catra to be enjoying herself in the kingdom she had destroyed. She sat up, grimacing, one arm crossing her stomach. Six weeks. She wasn’t fragile by any means, not like she would be in about six months, but that didn’t mean she could just be pushed around and thrown into floors, either.

“Hey!”

Mermista’s voice reverberated in Catra’s head. The princess cut through the crowd that had gathered, furious. “Adora, stop trying to murder my chef and take care of your wife. Sea Hawk, put him in cell.” The chef started to protest. “You don’t think you get to assault someone at my party and get away with it, do you?”

Sea Hawk appeared to take the chef away; there was no further protest. Adora knelt on Catra’s other side, gently sliding an arm across her back to support her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Catra took a few deep breaths. Her head hurt, but she was fine. The baby was probably fine. It wasn’t even really a baby at this point, just a bunch of magically bound cells trying to make a baby, it would suck if something happened, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It wasn’t like Catra hadn’t already taken to talking to her stomach when she was alone, or poking it experimentally, thrilled about the little life growing inside, or-

“Catra? Catra, hey.”

She was shaking, her breath coming a bit too fast. Adora had a hand on her cheek, trying to get her attention. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Does something-”

The world turned over in a sickeningly familiar way. Catra pressed her face into Adora’s shoulder, groaning, as soon as they were settled wherever Glimmer had taken them.

“Glimmer-”

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to get you both out of there.” Glimmer sounded nervous. Catra wanted to look at her, but her eyes were still squeezed shut and she had no intention of opening them. “I’ll... I’ll be right back.”

She teleported away. “There’s a bed,” Adora said quietly. “Do you feel okay moving?”

“Sure,” Catra muttered through gritted teeth. That turned out to be a lie; she forced her eyes open as she was moved, and the world was spinning. Nope. “Adora-”

A small trash bin was forced into her hands before she could finish the sentence. And of course Glimmer chose that moment to return with Bow, Scorpia, Perfuma, and Mermista.

“Should... I get a doctor or something?”

Adora rubbed Catra’s back as she heaved. “No... maybe? I’d rather take her to Mystacor-”

“For a head injury?”

Catra cracked an eye open to look at Adora, who was watching her uncertainly. She nodded miserably, returning her attention to breathing and trying not to freak out. So much for keeping it to themselves.

“Well, she’s um... she’s pregnant, actually.”

Dead silence followed the words.

“I’ll kill him,” Glimmer declared.

“I’ll help.” That was Scorpia, surprisingly.

“Okay, okay,” Bow cut in. “Maybe murder isn’t the right idea...”

“Let’s not out-rule it completely,” Mermista said darkly.

“It’s probably fine,” Catra mumbled, setting the trash bin aside. “I’ve been sick for like, two weeks, this isn’t exactly a new development.”

“Seeing a healer might still be a good idea,” Perfuma pointed out. “When you’re ready to move.”

“Is this why you didn’t want to teleport?” Glimmer asked. Catra ducked her head, refusing to answer. “Why don’t I go to Mystacor and get someone, and if they  say you’re okay, I can take you home - that has to be better than suffering on the boat.”

“I didn’t think the boat would be that bad.” Catra sighed. “You guys don’t have to stand there and stare at me. Go back to the party - I mean, yes, get a healer first.” She’d feel better just confirming that everything was okay. “But it’s stupid to stand around staring at me.”

“It’s not stupid to want to make sure you’re all right,” Bow said. “And what about our future niece or nephew?”

“Why don’t you stay, Glimmer goes to Mystacor, and the rest of us can go back downstairs,” Perfuma suggested. She had spent enough time with Catra to know when she was starting to get overwhelmed. Scorpia started to protest, but stopped when Perfuma placed a hand on her claw.

“I’ll send up a staff member in case you need anything,” Mermista compromised. Catra nodded, since it didn’t seem like she had much of a choice. She knew her friends cared, though.

Everyone left, and Bow immediately joined them on the bed. “I didn’t know you guys were trying to have a baby.” He was doing a very good job at restraining his excitement and not shouting. “How far along are you? Do you have thoughts about names?” He gasped. “Will they have little cat ears?”

Catra smiled slightly, dropping her head to rest on Adora’s shoulder and letting Adora handle the questions. She knew her wife had been dying to talk about the baby with someone besides Catra, and it was nice to listen to their excited chatter fill the silence.

(Everything was in fact fine, save for the slight head injury, and the healer assured them that it was perfectly safe to teleport with Glimmer. Catra vehemently disagreed with that last part, but that was an on-going debate.)

[anachronisticcrab]

This has been on my mind for a while, but I’ve never actually addressed it, so here’s my honest opinion on the ‘feminism’ in PJO/HOO/TOA (I haven’t read Kane Chronicles in years, and I’ve never actually read MCGA, so I’m not addressing either of those)

The Hunters of Artemis

Fucking misandrists. It’s not feminism

Kicking people out for being wlw? Not feminist

Kicking girls out if they enjoy sex, or if they have sexual encounters? Not feminist, that’s slut shaming and it’s not okay

Preying on 8 to 16 year old girls, whose brains have not finished developing? Not fucking feminist

Treating men like they’re the scum of the Earth? Not feminist

I’m not saying that men are great. Personally, I’ve got a long and complicated history with men. But I don’t treat them like I’m better than them because I’m not a man—that’s misandry not gender equality, and not feminism

Lying and tricking young girls into hunting down mythical creatures for their entire lives (during which they will be children forever), without letting them in on the knowledge that they will be in constant danger and will never be able to see their families and friends again? Not feminist

They are the epitome of ‘not like other girl’ feminism, which is a recurring theme in Rick’s books

Plus they’re inherently ableist. The second you become a hunter, all physical imperfections disappear because they ‘make you weaker’? Plus, no way in hell would someone in a wheelchair, or someone with depression, or someone with sensory issues, or someone whose blind or deaf be allowed to join the hunters. It’s not feminist

The fact that I’m willing to bet that femme nonbinary and/or trans women won’t be allowed to join. After all, if wlw are kicked out for being wlw, why the fuck would Artemis let trans women or nonbinary ppl in? That’s not fucking feminist

Also, half the Hunters don’t think that satyrs are real guys cause they’re half goat? Like shut the fuck up, they ID as a man, they’re a man.

Artemis finds underage girls who are unhappy, tells them that they’ll have no responsibility, that they’ll be immortal, and that they’ll have fun all the time... and doesn’t tell them any of the bad parts until after they’ve pledged their eternal allegiance to her and her Hunt

The fact that she stops they’re education?? How is convincing young girls not to educate themselves feminism??

It also annoys the shit out of me that Artemis and her Hunters claim to support women, but send untrained, clueless, unsure girls who have only been a part of the hunt for two days on deadly quests where 2 ppl have been prophecized to die. Wouldn’t you want to send someone with more experience? Wouldn’t you want to actually support each other and send in someone with a higher chance of survival? And YEA, I’m talking about Bianca (not her biggest fan, but it was still fucking shitty)

In short, I freaking hate the Hunters, if you couldn’t tell. They aren’t feminist. They’re TERFs and misandrists. And Artemis is fucking creepy

The Amazon’s

Worse than the Hunters

In this case, I don’t know if they kick out wlw, trans women, or nb ppl (I don’t think so, but I’m not sure on that) so I’m gonna put that to the side for now

What I do know however is that they have actual slaves. Like motherfucking human slaves

They rape men, and force them into slavery. How the fuck is that okay? It’s not fucking feminism!

It’s not feminist to put someone in slavery; it’s fucking inhumane and terrifying! It’s a violation of about a hundred basic human rights!

It’s not fucking feminist to rape guys; it’s inhumane and in violation of basic human rights (again!)

They are not feminist; they’re misandrist slave owners

‘Not Like Other Girls’

Both Annabeth and Piper were portrayed as feminist icons during the series. Right? Right??

Fucking wrong. They both repeatedly put down other girls for exemplifying feminine qualities, basically saying that being feminine is weakness and it’s disgusting

How is that feminism?

Piper constantly shit talks her siblings because they’re super girly (for the most part)

She and Annabeth treat Drew like shit because she’s feminine and she goes after guys (and ok, Drew is a bit of an asshole, but there are better reasons to dislike her than she’s girly and likes guys!)

That’s not okay— feminism is about uplifting women, and supporting one another. Not about slut shaming and denoting ppl for exuding feminine qualities

Femininity does not equate to weakness. femininity does not mean you are less than. femininity does not mean you deserve less respect. femininity is not inferior to masculinity. Femininity does not mean you’re dumb, weak, silent, or cowardly. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are always worthy of respect (unless you’re a fascist or anything along those lines)

Thalia Grace

She gets her own category cause oh my gods I hate her so much

Not only does she support the Hunters and Artemis, she’s a dedicated defender of it

On top of that, there’s her Death to Barbie pin. What the fuck? Cause Barbie isn’t feminist?

Barbie is a doll that comes in all different shapes, sizes and colours, a doll that has hundreds of different careers, a doll that shows little girls that no matter what they look like, or where they come from, they can do or be anything (I know that it used to only be a skinny white blond girl, and maybe one other white girl, but that’s changed). How is Barbie not fucking feminist?

How is sporting a pin that threatens to destroy a doll that uplifts and promotes self love and positivity to little girls all over the world feminist? How is she feminist? She’s not-like-other-girls

She simultaneously supports an ableist, transphobic, homophobic goddess who preys on young girls, is actively against anything remotely feminine, and claims to be feminist, liberal, and punk, of all things! She’s not fucking feminist, she’s not fucking punk (I’m gonna make a whole other post trashing her, cause oh my fucking God she drives me crazy)

Basically what I’m trying to say in this is that the ‘feminism’ in the Camp Half-Blood Chronicles is fucking disgusting. It’s not feminism

If you don’t agree with any of this, or if you don’t like this, dni.

[janiedean]

I feel bad for all the nice J*nsa shippers who like their ship for whatever reasons (tropes, pretty art, aesthetic appeal, whatever) and know it's not canon but get associated with the misogynistic Dany hating crowd who act like Jon being attracted to Ygritte is J*nsa foreshadowing because red hair (I guess Jon should fuck Edmure Tully too? Omg give me Dark!Jon getting revenge on Catelyn by seducing her brother!) Tell me something. I'm new to the fandom but was J*nsa popular before the show? And I've heard something about the OG J*nsa shippers being alienated by the new shippers who insisted it had to be canon and acted like the series is called, "A song of J*nsa #danysux." I don't find that hard to believe because I know people who are now ashamed of calling themselves J*nsa shippers. Like, at this point, it's not only rival shippers who hate it. Even Gendrya/Braime/Jon stans/etc have started disliking that ship. You know your fandom is a problem when people who have nothing to do with Jnsa have a problem with it.

me: reads this ask

me: iwastheregandalf.gif which I can't find now but

okay anon buckle up because I am sadly well-equipped to answer this ask but before I do lemme tell you dark jon seducing edmure to take revenge on cat is LITERALLY THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD but *clears throat* ALL RIGHT THEN.

disclaimer: as anon says I have no issue with like the shippers mentioned by anon in the beginning and ngl I agree, I have ABSOLUTELY ZERO FUCKING STAKES in the j*nsa vs j*nerys war and the only het jon ship I gaf about is jon/ygritte and we all know where that ended up I just... have been here since 2011/adwd was over and all the fic around was just for the books under secret lj communities and asoiaf qualified for yuletide and I have... seen... things.... and I actually have like uh had... beef... with some people in there and I know things bc ppl who hated those others told me stuff so anyway *sigh* buckle up anon I'mma tell you the story of jon shipwars through the years

in order, the old gods help me here, under the cut bc this is long as fuck

when I got into fandom also given what numbers were on ao3 one ship was popular and it was sansan. no like sansan was lit. the only asoiaf ship on ao3 with more than 200 fics. jb had twenty when i checked first. jc had like around 100-ish because of the show but sansan dwarfed anything. I posted the first jon/ygritte fic on the ao3 tag and the fourth throbb fic and like the others were all reposts from lj kinkmemes. nothing was popular before the show except for sansan when it comes to huge numbers bc grrm doesn't like fic and it was all hush hush until the show made it impossible to control and that ship was the one with a huge enough fanbase it actually had numbers, so like... j*nsa wasn't popular in the way nothing else was popular until it got screentime on the show

now, that stated, j*nsa had a... fair amount of fic for a rareship which was mostly book-based and from og shippers that were there from before the show and liked it for what it was but literally none of them thought it was gonna be canon, like it wasn't huge or anything but it had a small but dedicated fanbase who did their own thing and thought it was fun/liked the idea but that was it

that fandom had their own niche of hcs that they cultivated and shit except that like... at the end of S5/beginning of S6 there was a surge in shipping for... well obvious reasons bc it was obv sansa was getting to the wall and that would have been all nice and good but a) it was the time puritanical shipping was starting to take root and the 'shipping sansa with sandor or tyrion is hella problematic' rhetoric had started to circle coming from sans*ery shippers mostly but I'mma not open that fucking can of worms here, b) while the ending of S5 had more of a theon/sansa spike, the j*nsa stuff started getting big

now here we have to mention my villain origin story ie: j*nsa fandom had this one stan whose name I won't make because honestly it's been years and if she's still around I don't want her to remember I exist who was a bnf, wrote for... the website that created the whole larry/carol thing etc who was really fixed on this thing that j*nsa was actually canon and started writing extremely popular meta about it. now you're gonna ask how do you know, I know because this person once wrote a meta named 'why robb stark is a dick' and I told her that it was really fucking bad meta and she took it so badly she kept on trash talking me on her blog/her podcast (I was apparently the insane robb stark fangirl l m a o good lord) and like that was when some sane ppl who argued with her informed me in pvt that she was basically harping on the CANON thing when they'd have been okay with like... it being crackshipping and that she was basically cultivating a hoarde of followers who were harping on them/the ogs and basically ostracizing them;

I would like to add that this person - before her tumblr got 'accidentally deleted' and remade it therefore deleted most receipts for, er, her so-called meta which included stuff like ned and cat raised sansa as a sexual object and only wanted to sell her like cattle - had at some point started a round robin fic thing where... some of the characters mocked openly said stuff that some of the og fans had said specifically targeting them and people in that side basically went harassing anyone who didn't agree with that specific notion

now never mind that this person basically coined an entire term to describe ppl who liked white guys and excused all their wrongdoings out of my conversation re robb basically lying about everything I said as if I didn't have the receipts and tried to sell shirts with it and it didn't work and like then she got kicked out of her own website because she was telling her commenters disagreeing pretty shitty insults (considering I was called psychotic for disagreeing with her that time I don't doubt it) I think at some point she stepped back from fandom bc idk wtf she's up to these days and I don't want to, but basically at that point the dam was broken and there was a bunch of puritanical shippers harping on anyone who didn't agree with j*nsa is canon endgame stuff

this also includes an incident when those ppl were like... passing themselves as throbb shippers and ended up trying to tell t*hramsay shippers off the theon tag based on moral reasons and I ended up arguing with all of them (and they were all from that crowd) which in turn landed me in contact with other og j*nsa shippers who were like detached from that fandom bc those same people harassed them away as well ssooooo fun

anyway when S6 happened everyone was high on it and whatnot but I wasn't gonna begrudge them that I mean... you shipped it for years, canon is delivering you, good for you, but then j*nerys happened

god j*nerys happened

aaand basically...... I mean personally I was there like are y'all seriously arguing about the best incest jon ship out there but like basically the j*nsa endgame side was like AH JON IS PLAYING DANY SEE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, the j*nerys obv got defensive af and both sides were sort of alternatively shitting on jon/ygritte anyway and depicting any other romantic rship jon could have as abusive™ and during S8 it just got worse and like I tried to stay out of it but basically from what I'm seeing now idk how the j*neryses are doing but on the j*nsa one it's ah jon's gonna play dany anyway and she's going to go insane like in the show so SHOW TRUTHING EVERY OTHER WAY and like again denying that sandor exists or that tyrion exists and like I barely touch my corner (sansan) but I ended up arguing with j*nsa/th*nsa people on twitter who were antis and is2g it was white-hair inducing and I know for sure the sansa/tyrion shippers were harassed to hell and back throughout so FUN

and even if the show didn't go there now since everyone there banked on the jnsa endgame thing and admitting you're wrong is like... not a thing, they still haven't let go of it and attach to that ship any shred of evidence which honestly is grasping at straws half of the time (like... the sansa/alysanne parallels like guys please no) and which is why every other ship is starting to get fed up, attaching canon proof of stuff from other ships onto theirs see that batb argument and jb is platonic but jonsa is not nvm taking all the sansan stuff and throwing it on j*nsa but then denying that sansan has canon evidence (like guys I had to read sansa touching his shoulder when saying gregor wasn't a true knight wasn't meaningful and we were seeing things please) and blah blah blah

this also goes hand in hand with the fixation on like... villanizing dany at all costs and like is2g I have zero investment in dany or her storyline I don't even remember it and I don't particularly care abt her either way and sure af I'm not for j*nerys endgame but like.... some stuff I read is completely excessive esp when fixing on how she's a completely mad tyrant who's gonna have to be put down and like... guys no

(also there's some srs stannis hate in that corner which I honestly don't get why they even care abt stannis but I had to read stuff like ppl don't recognize that dany and stannis are the real villains in this saga and like........ idek)

I think most of the og shippers are gone or don't ship it openly bc they don't want to be attached to the drama but like I also think they're pissing off everyone else bc like... I mean a bunch of them also were down with sansa being paired with other ppl as long as it meant a good ending for her except those ppl were... like everyone but the ppl she has actual contact with in canon which meant that at some point sansa/gendry was a thing and like.... you can imagine why arya/gendry shippers & arya stans were fed up, and there's also this tendency to behave like sansa is the center of the entire saga which like these books is named a song of jon snow basically can we pls make peace with it and personally I've had it with both j*nsa and j*nerys people since they started with that dumbass JON/YGRITTE WAS AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP rhetoric but I'm also fed up with the total ignoring that sandor exists/depicting us as delusional and honestly I also was by proxy fed up from the harassing of the sansa/tyrion shippers soooooooooooo

there were also instances of 'well theon is an acceptable choice other than jon bc he can't threaten her' which... i mean we all know what that meant and I'm not even commenting it bc it's one AM and I have no force to but I don't have to explain why it's not a progressive take now do I

there were also metas about how cousin incest being legal in half of the world means that jondany is a worse incest and j*nsa doesn't count as such and I was basically there like guys please just fucking own up to it but honestly I chose to forgot where I read that and I couldn't find the link if I tried

tldr: no one wants to admit that it's not gonna be endgame which considering the amount of fic they have on ao3 is imvho useless bc they have more content than like.. anything I ship that's not jb or that's actually like canon *cries in joncon/rhaegar but I mean renly/loras is canon and has less fic than them* so idk what's the problem with enjoying that instead of insisting it's gonna be canon when not even the show validated it while show truthing anyway when the only show truthing that can be truthed is the small council made of minorities and possibly jon eventually fucking off with the wildlings but not like that but like most people who thought it wasn't gonna be endgame had left/were made to leave by the time S7 rolled by and at this point since wow isn't out yet everyone is fandom-grasping at straws to find stuff to discourse on and we're here beating dead horses *shrug*

so that's... how it is but I would again like to point out that I don't judge ppl on their shipping, I don't particularly care about this entire feud bc I only ship jon with ppl he's not related to in whichever way and I try to stay out of this mess bc I don't really care to argue with ppl who have already decided to bend canon to whatever they want and will have to realize that it's not what grrm wrote at some point but like I have a very good memory and the above rant is as objective as possible also bc again I don't literally have a stake in that race I just think romantic/endgame j*nsa is not a thing and that ppl should stay in their lane and not harping on other ppl who ship whatever in general but especially when their ship is the most popular thing in fandom in the first place /two cents

[hail-dondus]

can I just say, I can't believe ppl are somewhat "demonizing" (for lack of better word) eddie redmayne for what he said. never said he agreed with JK's opinions, he was just condemning the ppl who were sending her death threats and malicious comments. I understand that nothing she receives can measure up to the threat that trans ppl have to live with every single day just for wanting to be themselves. but I just wish ppl wouldn't bash him for both condemning the threats towards her and for disagreeing with her. he NEVER said he believed the same as her or anything like that. I'm so sorry this is a ramble but I hope you don't mind, it's just a frustrating situation. it seems you can't be on "both sides" without being bashed for it.

I don’t mind, anon! That’s exactly what’s going on - he’s being demonized.

As you said, he’s already spoken out and said that he does NOT agree with JK Rowling’s comments, and that trans women are real women, trans men are real men etc. He’s already said that and made it clear that he doesn’t agree with her views on the matter.

But suddenly because he said “sending her r@pe and death threats is vile” that means he’s supporting her???

I do not support her, but it’s not about supporting her or her views - it’s common human fucking decency to not send vile messages to someone like that, to threaten someone even if they are bigots.

Here’s the thing: in my opinion, the best thing we can do is simply ignore her. Do not give her publicity or attention - just let her fade into obscurity as much as possible. Clearly attempting to reason with and educate her aren’t working, and sending her death threats will achieve nothing.

Because regardless of how you look at it, this is exactly WHAT the TERFs and RadFem cult want - they WANT trans rights activists and supporters to send rude or threatening messages, they want to be able to use it and say “see, trans women / their supporters are dangerous and threatening us!!!”

Don’t get me wrong, there’s been many a time I’ve thought of smacking the bitch, but I don’t send that to her - it just makes me look stupid and violent, and unable to reason or debate with differing views. And whilst I agree that trans rights are human rights and not something that is opinion based (why is it so hard to understand that trans people just want to live their lives and have rights???), screaming and yelling and threatening gets you nowhere.

Also, here’s the thing: how do you think a survivor of sexual assault / abuse feels seeing that shit being aimed at themselves or at anyone? Even if it’s someone they hate? Last year I was in a position where I was ‘harassed’ (I don’t feel comfortable calling it ‘assault’ because I feel I was very lucky and it could have been far worse) and I had to leave a job I had just started (it happened at this new job on the first day) with no back up or anything in place to support me because of what happened. And even though what happened to me was fairly mild in the grand scheme of things, I feel sick when I see people threatening things like they have - maybe it’s because of what happened, maybe it’s just because I’m a woman and it’s a sad fact of life that it’s a constant danger for us. But it just... there’s no excuse for threatening people or sending them vile messages like that.

I understand the argument that “oh she’s a millionaire” “she’s dangerous” “online threats are not equal to the actual danger to the trans community she’s perpetuating” - and I agree, I get it. The fact that she has 14 million twitter followers that she’s spreading her TERF rhetoric too is incredibly dangerous, just think of the younger people who are newer to twitter/feminism/this debate, they see JK Rowling - multi-millionaire author of a beloved book series - saying these things, it’ll influence them. Radical feminism and TERF-ism (for lack of a better word) has always seemed like a cult to me, the way they recruit and influence and plant these ideas/seeds of hatred inside people’s heads. Maybe that’s just me though, I don’t know.

I’m rambling but what I’m trying to say is that I fully understand what people are saying regarding Eddie Redmayne apparently equalising the online vitriol JKR is getting to the transphobia and struggles trans people have to put up with every day that gets harder due to to people like her... But I’m seeing people on twitter “cancelling” him, people saying “I hope he dies in a car crash” “fuck him” “he’s trash”, insulting him, his appearance, his acting, bringing up the controversy with The Danish Girl (which he’s spoken about and acknowledged/apologized for) etc. And I’m honestly so tired of it. I’m tired of this toxic mentality where if you say something like “hey maybe don’t send assault/death threats to even shitty people”, you’re suddenly “trash”, “problematic” and should be cancelled.

I am honestly just so done. This seems to be mostly the Potter/Beasts fandom, and this is one of the reasons why I don’t actively participate in the Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts fandoms anymore, because I’m tired of the toxicity and bullshit. None of the other fandoms I’ve been in are THIS obsessed with policing the actors and fans / cancelling people for the smallest thing. It’s so tiring, and it makes my enjoyment and excitement of the series drop so low.

[gooferdusted]

hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

[ghostofvixx]

So glad|KYS|

The soulmate thing doesn’t work easily, but for you it gets ten times hardes if both of you hide your birthmark.

Genre: fluff + bulleted au

words: 2.7k 

warnings: swearing the title’s supposed to be so f*cking glad but we’ll talk about it some other time, uhm trying to decide if this is cool or absolute trash, cute at a certain point

other soulmate aus: | san | YEOSANG | yunho | wooyoung | mingi | hongjoong | jongho | seongwha | (no particular order)

Yeosang is usually a very confident person. We could say he has no complexes.

(yes, he doesn’t look like it, but he is)

Except for one: his birth mark

He just DOESN’T LIKE IT AT ALL, his friends -the ones that know about it- think it’s cute but he DOESN’T.

He has tried almost everything to remove it at this point

But nothing can remove it effectively on a daily basis

Not as effective as makeup at least.

And that’s how makeup has become indispensable for him since he was in high school: that’s how he hates his birthmark.

What he doesn’t know is that that’s the reason why he can’t find his soulmates.

he’s ready, he can feel it, he’s been ready for years now, but why the time doesn’t come?

      .:Keep reading :.

“You just have to know new people, you barely meet new friends Yeosang! Once you do it BAAAM the time will come.” Yunho tells him, overreacting as always.

Yeosang laughs, but deep inside him, he knows he’s right, just he doesn’t know how or when to know new people.

Then he began going to parties with the rest of ateez more frequently and actually getting to know ppl

classmates

ppl from other years

ppl from his uni and from other unis

but nothing happened

then he met you.

At first, it was just as usual: just some random person he had to be paired up with for a project.

Nothing new: he’s made a lot of friends like that,

but with you it was different,

he just felt SO comfortable with you.

He blamed it on your personality and your will to do the project right, and how attractive you were too

and you blamed it on the same thing

So none of you dummies realized just how comfortable and heart eyes emoji you were with each other

nor how both of your -covered- birthmarks were actually shining behind all the concealer.

Now let’s talk a bit about you.

Your birthmark is LITERALLY on your left thumb.

Why on your left thumb? Well, that will remain a mystery

Until you meet your soulmate at least

You don’t have that much of a complex but still, you don’t like it

So, knowing it’s the only thing that can tie you with your soulmate, you decided to not cover it for a while

Then you got tired of it and decided to put concealer on it.

It’s not that you wanted it, but you were lowkey mad at the world itself

because your soulmate was NOWHERE TO BE FOUND

Usually when you have a mark is because your soulmate is getting closer right? Or because you might meet them anytime SOON right?

Well not for you.

For you it was like it had to shine or something like that -words literally said by your friend, who liked all the soulmate stuff and had done researches on every type of soulmate in the world-.

So oh well here you are

you had eventually given up

maybe you’ll end up like those that won’t find their soulmates

but it was supposed to happen, right? You should have crossed paths with then at least ONCE for that to happen

But you didn’t

That’s what keeps you going, secretly you have some hope

Then you met Yeosang and you suspected

Because you had that THING like you NEEDED to boop his nose

Even if he wasn’t your soulmate you NEEDED to have something with him

Welcome to what we call: having a crush

crush culture is hard, maybe because you thought he wasn’t the one for you, after all, he isn’t your soulmate, right? AND ALSO because he was ALWAYS with his various friends

It’s like he barely had time for you

pretty understandable, taking into consideration that you guys weren’t the closest, but still he has told you so many times that you feel special

WHERE’S THE SPECIAL NOW KANG YEOSANG?

You barely see him outside class, you barely talk on the phone outside class

BUT YOU’RE STILL SPECIAL? WHAT?

The only time you see him is when he’s partying with his friends,,, and you don’t want to approach him

so you go unnoticed for the night

sometimes he’s noticed, some other he hasn’t

besides, you don’t like it when you’re with him in that mood, because everything becomes awkward.

“Y/n, do you want something to drink?” He would always ask you

you say no bc c’mon there are already a LOT of drunk people around

sometimes his friends,,, which is,, awkward

because sometimes they would ship you and uh that’s a nono on the outsides but a yes yes in the inside, right?

“Are you having fun?”

“I am.”

AND THAT’S ALL PALS

Not a single “would you like to dance?”

nor a singing along to the song together

NOTHING

T H A T ‘S  I T

His friends don’t say it, but they look at both of you as if they were saying “why are y’all as awkward lol aren’t you friends?”

and that type of thought haunt you sometimes at nigh

BUT THEN WE HAVE TO MENTION A SPECIAL PARTY

apparently that night his group of friends got mixed with another one

and he wasn’t feeling himself

he told you that morning that today he didn’t feel like partying, he was in a bad mood

“why?” You asked.

“Just… Some random soulmate thoughts.”

Every time he talked to you about his soulmate, your heart skipped a beat

“Have you found them” you voiced your biggest fear.

“I haven’t, that’s the problem.”

He then explained to you that he couldn’t find them and that made him sad,,, especially today,,,, for no special reason

“O-kay?” You said. “Well, just try to enjoy yourself for once! You’re still young, you’ll find them soon! We’ll see each other probably, by the way.”

His heart jumped in his chest,,, how can you be,,,, as perfect for him? He just feels like it.

Like you were made for him

but then not really.

Back to the point

you were RIGHT about to approach him,,, then you saw who he was talking

that person wasn’t from his group of friends,,, nor a person you knew

and they were talking so,,, close,,, so so close

you don’t mean to do it, but you’re sure you’re pouting because you can sense some chemistry from them???

Or is it just you?

It was one-sided, but those types of things are hard to see when your crush is being flirted at.

Then some boy named San sat between them and that caught Yeosang’s attention completely

actually everyone’s attention too

even you, who barely know him, know it’s a part of the “San effect”, he’s the nicest boy ever

overall when he whispered something into Yeosang’s ear and suddenly Yeosang began to look for someone in the crowd

until his eyes met yours

and his smile lighted up

and omg he’s just so cute god pls help me

you know when he just looks so tiny when he smiles bc he’s excited abt something?

THAT’S THE WAY HE LOOKED AT YOU

T I N Y

and you k n e w you had been admiring him for too long without smiling back or smth because suddenly he frowned

and then you panicked

you’re not subtle at all lmao

for some reason, you seem like an open book to him

so, after panicking, you just leaft asap

not knowing he was actually going to r u n after you 

why? He doesn’t know, he just adores you and can sense something’s wrong

so yeah he said goodbye hurriedly and ran after you and stuff and finally found you outside the house where the party was being held, walking back home.

“Are you leaving?”

you were astonished and flustered to listen to his voice

“I am.”

“Why? It’s soon, isn’t it?”

“I’m suddenly tired.” You said and turned back.

“Suddenly? I mean-”

“Yeosang, you’ve drunk, I’m sure, why don’t we talk tomorrow?” You didn’t mean to sound rude, but back then all you neededd was: a bed

to sleep!!1!111!!1!

not to cry11!!!1!1!!

“I haven’t drunk that much.” It was the truth, he’s not the best drinker, but he’s not a bad one.

“Well, we’ll talk when you are 100% sober, okay? Besides, you seemed pretty entertained-” You stopped all of the sudden

now he knows you’re jealous!!!!!!! ah these kids nowadays

however, you were cool bc if he remembered that the following day, you couln blame it on the alcohol

WHY DID YOU THINK HE WAS THAT DRUNK GOD HE’S A SAINT HE’S BARELY DRUNK YOU DUMMY

but well never mind, you just kept living in your little world

AND you had given the other dummy an idea

“But I don’t want to drink anymore~” he said in a singing voice that m e l t e d your heart. “I’m not wasted, but I know I’ve drunk and my friends seem pretty irresponsible right now.”

he just wanted to spend some time with you you know

“Oh,,,” what else can you say? Was he REALLY saying he’d rather be with you?

OH

“Then what can I do for you?” You asked

“Let’s take a seat somewhere? Is it fine by you?”

“You’re the alcoholic one here my dude.”

“Shut up, I still can talk! You should speak to Yunho right now.”

“Not a nice influence, Yeosang.” You said jokingly. Actually, you know Yunho and he’s the nicest dude out there

another softie

but not in the same way as Yeosang.

“Still, you won’t remember tomorrow, right?” You asked him.

“I probably won’t.” He decided to play that game.

You ended up taking a seat on a bench inside a park,,, to talk about some stuff and all that

and it’s comfortable for a few seconds

until you realized the boy is literally sweating

and you probably are too bc it was so hot inside,,, and it’s not rlly cold on the outside

so you grabed some wipes from your bag

“Do you want one?” You asked the boy “They’re cold.”

“Why do you have them in your bag?”

“Oh come on, you have to be ready for parties, don’t you have them inside your bag?

“Uhm, not really,,, maybe I should.”

you felt a bit ridiculous, but then he actually takes one and smiles

“summer’s coming and this is cool, better be safe than sorry”

He always has that ability to make you feel right

“I’m actually going to remove my makeup.” He commented, laughing.

He was a bit scared, but you wouldn’t notice if he didn’t pass the wipe where his birthmark is, right? Besides, it was too dark to actually see it.

But when he’s in the process of removing it, you see that he’s not doing it right

I mean one side of his face was going to disappear if he kept rubbing while the other one remained intact

so you decided to do it yourself because WHY NOT and well

he panicked, you panicked, but continued being awkward as if nothing was wrong

THEN the time comes, he closed his eyes, focused on how intimate and nice this feels 

and you passed the wipe right next to his left eye, where his birthmark is

while you were holding the wipe with your right hand, where your birthmark is

the moment feelt like a movie

because right when you had passed the wipe, his eyes opened and he held your wrist, and you looked at him shook

and was it you or are you a bit closer than before?

but THE thing is that you could see his birthmark because it’s shining with a very subtle light

and yours was too

but you made no comment because he was only just looking into your eyes and holding your wrist,,, he hadn’t made a single comment

has he even realized?

he wouldn’t tell you

but dude you had sEEN EVERYTHING YOUR CRUSH IS YOUR SOULMATE???

Apparently, he just didn’t care??? So you pretended you hadn’t noticed too??

:(

and the night went on and he still maDE NO COMMENT

D:

DDDDDD:

So ye he just accompanied you home and said goodbye with a smile

HAS HE REALLY NOT REALIZED?

Were you the only one that has felt their heart in their throat?

Is the soulmate thingy broken for you?

There’s literally no other way to explain it

and you couldn’t sleep because all you could think about was the fact that he wuldn’t remember

he had told you

and when you see him on Monday you go ignoring him hours because hoW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO TALK TO HIM?

Are you really his soulmate?

“y/n”

DAMN IT, HIS VOICE ONCE AGAIN

“y-yes?”

“I remember you know?”

oh,,, THEN WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

“Y-you do?”

“I’m sorry for reacting that way.” SO HE KNOWS? “Next time I won’t pretend I’ve drunk, I could notice you were awkward.”

nvm apparently he doesn’t

Eventually you changed your mind tho

Like homeboi be dropping hints about finding a soulmate but he yeeted your feeling through the window

That must be because he knows right?

BUT WHY DOESN’T HE DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT????

Suspicious

It was starting to get you on your nerves

He would ALWAYS vent to you about finding a soulmate, about being ready, about feeling it close

HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW GOD YOU WERE SO ANGRY

He always felt like you wouldn’t want to talk about the soulmate thingy, and he wouldn’t usually talk about that subject, knowing it bothered you

He thought that it was because you were frustrated bc nobody would come through

Dummy

Both of you dummies

One day it all just??? Exploded???

You had an awfully taught day at college, and when you talked to him about it you couldn’t even bring out the subject

“Sh, y/n listen, I’ve been thinking about it and I have a theory,,, do you think she’s my soulmate?” And he pointed discreetly to one girl standing on the other side of the road

“w-why would you think that?” Can you hear a crash? Yep, that was your heart.

“I don’t know, she’s with me in my math class and we get along well, I’ve known her for a few years now and-”

“Do you not like me?”

Yeosang was astonished.

“what?”

What what? Why does he looks so confused?

It made you feel so angry

“Look I understand if you don’t like me as your soulmate and you only see me as a friend and all that, just don’t rub it in front of my face, I feel awful every time because I like you so much Yeosang, you don’t even know-”

“what? Soulmate? What are you talking about?”

You don’t feel like a clown, you feel like the entire circus.

“Didn’t you know??? That we’re soulmate?”

“I- YOU- WHAT? MEN NONONONO ABSOLUTELY NOT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT”

It’s always fun listening to Yeosang getting confused, annoyed, and surprised in tiny font.

Some curious people were looking at you so you decided to take a seat at a park so that you can explain the situation through.

It was just both of you, face to face, like that night.

“I discovered it the last time we went to a party, remember? We went to a park like this…”

And instead of just explaining, you repeated the action, your left thumb lightly caressed his birth mark covered with make up.

“My birth mark is how I can find my soulmate?”

“Yep.” You nodded. “Mine is too, though it is not as visible.”

“That moment was meant to happen, didn’t it?” He half-smiled so fondly you were about to faint.

“So, about liking me and stuff…”

God you were so shy

And he was too

But he moved his head forward and looked at you straight in the eyes

“ I can’t imagine anyone better for me, I’m so fucking glad it’s you.”

Butterflies? You felt and entire zoo going up and down your body when his gaze fell to your lips

“So fucking glad.” He repeated, and kept starring at you, but not moving forward.

How can he not be so AWKWARD right now??? You literally went completely RED????

But you said fuck it I’ll do it myself

And joined your lips

And finally you felt it

Yes, so fucking glad.

[maladaptivemischief]

Tumblr didn’t give me any notifications and I never get asks so i didn’t see this until just now I’m so sorry!!

This isn’t a dumb question! For me personally when it comes to pots the reason I need to lie down on the floor is because I’m too dizzy to stand and I start to black out

Pots causes the heart to beat so fast that it isn’t pumping any blood (before I was put on beta blockers mine used to get up into the 220s before I even started to notice it)

What I experience in particular is called Near-Syncope which is essentially all the symptoms that lead up to unconsciousness without ever actually losing consciousness!

I lie down when i feel it coming on because it’s safer than falling down and there’s really not enough places in public to sit down if you need to - and at home if i’m not within collapsing range of furniture then I’m shit outta luck

Also you aren’t wrong about trying to get a diagnosis - I was incredibly lucky with my ehlers-danlos and my pots diagnosis because my doctors were competent and trusted me to know my own body (They also, y’know, actually bothered testing me - scuse me while I side eye some other doctors I’ve seen)

I wish I knew more about fibro and rhuematic illnesses but I’m gonna be real w/ you chief, I have some p severe memory issues so I’m not any kind of authority when it comes to illnesses that I’m not living with day to day

Although one thing I can say with confidence is - It doesn’t matter which one is worse! (please read that in a positive tone!) Knowing is so much better than wondering! Again from personal experience, even if it’s something that can’t be cured you’ll have some idea of ways you can adjust your lifestyle to help alleviate symptoms - it won’t always be painless but it’s the first step to making your life even the smallest bit easier!

I can relate to people thinking I’m faking - my own brother didn’t realize that I was actually disabled until I was collapsing in front of him multiple times a day because of how much worse my heart had gotten - It took him 20 whole years and multiple doctors confirming how fucked I am for him to think I wasn’t just being dramatic - My best advice for people like that is that they don’t matter

Yes loved ones included

Especially them

The people who love you will try to deny you have any kind of “flaw” (Ugh, abled ppl amiright) or are in pain because it hurts them to see you that way, but with time and gentle education they’ll realize that they’re hurting you worse by denying your reality. And if they aren’t trash they’ll do better

The people who don’t love you and pull that shit can bite their own dicks

Regardless of what other people think, you know your own life and body and mind better than they ever will, and if they try to deny your reality they’re deluding themselves for their own comfort which is just plain selfish of them

Also - GOOD LORD can I relate to people dismissing physical symptoms as the result of mental illness - I have PTSD anxiety and depression and one time I went to the doctor because I had such horrible chest pain that I couldn’t speak and ended up in the ER - When I went to my primary the nurse that came in first kept insisting that it was anxiety and questioning me about my mental health and UWU maybe its the stress UWU

Turns out my spine was so weak my ribs were collapsing!! Which the dctor who came in after her figured out in literally 3 minutes

You aren’t bothering me and you aren’t rambling! Please don’t say sorry, you haven’t done anything wrong! I’m not an expert of anything, I can’t diagnose people and I think I’m the last person in the world who someone should seek medical treatment from but this ain’t that

I’m sorry you feel outcast, I can 100p relate to that too. It’s super lonely being disabled - what friends you have tend to leave you behind - family tries to “help” but they don’t understand and it puts a pressure on you to do the impossible and it isn’t fair that you have to go through any of this.

All I can really say is if you (or anyone else) need to vent to somebody who gets it I’m right here - I don’t always answer on time (I have my bad days too) but I’m here with you and I get it

And sometimes for me that’s what helps the most

This has been super long and I’m sorry to my followers for clogging your dash lmao but this is important to me and I’ll do it as many times as I have to.

And to you anon! I’d like to leave you with this note my favorite doctor I’ve ever had gave me when she finished her residency and left for another city

I carry this in my wallet and it’s advice I live by

Find yourself a Dr. B

You got this

[thejudgingtrash]

I wanna hear the Dom/sub discourse!!! Also love ur blog :) (I personally am a proponent of dom percy just bc I like that idea but I’d love to hear yours!!! I didnt even know there was discourse!) love to hear your thoughts and again super cool blog!!!! :’)

* ALSO WOULD LIKE TO CLARIFY IF IT WASNT ALREADY ESTABLISHED BUT ONLLLLLLY IF THEY ARE LIKE IN THEIR OLDER 20S!!!! ppl doing that in the context of teens is *gross* (previous anon who sent in the ask before) :)

Oh! Thank you for the compliments. I’m still not used at being so visible now to people 🥺😥😅

Good that you’ve added your points because that essentially brings down my issues with this whole spiel. I guess I’m going to play the other card. My main issues with this whole thing are:

A) the fandom sexualizing kids

B) people not understanding that looks/behavior in or outside of a (romantic) relationship don’t necessarily have to correlate with sexual behavior, especially when powerplay is involved

Of course Percy is easier to grasp for us. We have five whole books where we hear his every thought, follow his every move and think we get to know him (that automatically makes Percy not a reliable narrator, just saying).

For every book quote that puts Percy into the „Dom“ slot, there’s also a book quote that would be fitting for Annabeth (the dance from TTC comes to my mind). I can see both going either way. Despite them having mostly different personalities (Percy internalizing his thoughts and motives, whereas Annabeth is doing rather the opposite), they are very similar when it comes to leadership and end goals. Annabeth can range from emotional to bossy in a similar way Percy does. They just express themselves on different levels and get seen by outsiders in different ways.

Did you catch that? Did you see the hypocrisy that I just committed? We are using book quotes to justify placing characters that are in that context and in overall canon minors/teens/essentially fucking children in sexualized categories. Tbh, as much flag as you can give Riordan, I can’t blame him for blocking people who do this. Not every author is a fan of fanfiction and fan theory and what not.

People throwing these BSDM terms around without a second thought makes me cringe (tbh, I’m too lazy to explain the psychology of power play and kinks in that regard, just know that the instigator is not automatically the top/dom and there are many, many, many layers in a pp relationship). You cannot base sexual behavior from the canon itself. We know nothing about Percy and Annabeth in that regard to even justify the slightest. Ripping actions out of context to give them a label doesn’t work like that so easily unfortunately.

The only way to settle this question for once and all would be by simply doing this:

The whole debate that happened months/weeks ago (quarantine makes everything blurry in my memory) was just fucking stupid?

Imagine being a 15 year old, anxious, frightened girl. You’ve been deeply traumatized since you’ve been seven years old, you’re scared to death because you have a crush on your best friend and think he might perish (newsflash: of course you as the reader can foreshadow that in that context the series goes on. The characters can’t as they lack that specific insight. Percy didn’t have to wind up dead in the books, but he could have been severely mutilated, gone missing (guess he did later), bruised, etc. apart from his mental struggles. The super power part is essentially the only thing that’s keeping him alive), you give him a kiss because you’re too shy to admit your feelings for him and he’s being an awkward cheeky bastard before looking for a fight and then some adult asshole has the caucasity of calling you a bratty sub. Literally what.

Some anon (or a group of anons, don’t know which) contacted a bunch of people with that Dom!Percy and Sub!Annabeth stuff. Anon, Liebste, homegirl, my love, mija, if you see this please slide into the DMs because whaddefuck? Your thought process hotdamn. Where did you pick this up? Let’s be open about this discussion. You didn’t go from A to B, you went from A to Z and robbed Jeff Bezos on the way out. I mean what???

People using canon to justify their headcanons is simply something I can’t get behind in this matter. The main issues is that they are children/teens/minors in canon. There is no way around it. Trying to justify/back up some of your thoughts in that regard with actual quotes only makes it worse because you aren’t only sexualizing them in your fanon, but you are also automatically transferring these thoughts to the actual books and thus fore sexualizing them in canon. You’re changing the basis and narrative.

I honestly don’t get the obsession that some have with their teenage sex life? This isn’t a personal attack on people but I’ve seen this throughout several group chats and social media platforms like Twitter, Reddit, Pinterest even and of course Tumblr. And popular stuff like Riverdale, Euphoria, 13 Reasons Why and New Adult Twilight rip-offs á la Shades of Grey and that Harry Styles fanfic honestly don’t help with the portrayal of „curious“ teens.

This also isn’t a strict PJO phenomenon, it happens across all fandoms. The odd trend with sexualizing kids/teens or things intended for kids has been going on for ages. I get it, you grow out of the related audience but that doesn’t justify the means? Canon won’t change simply because you do.

Percy and Annabeth are awkward teens that have never dated anyone else and had barely half a year between pjo and hoo before getting caught up in another mess. I’m not saying that teens aren’t curious and don’t experiment, some do drugs and/or have sex (let’s be real the probability of something happening in the stable scene in MOA is very high) but still? Putting dom/sub labels on them is sketchyyy. Also throw your fucking sex god headcanons out of the motherfucking window. They are 17-ish, if you need the mental image of some weird kids flopping on top of each other for two whole minutes for some odd reason, good for you but I’m side eying the fuck outta you.

You can’t really blame Riordan for not being more explicit. A) the series is for middle schoolers (aka kids), so it’s not strictly Young Adult and there’s only so much you can do B) publishers/editors interfering is a thing (especially with society’s views of sex = bad and violence = just fine) and c) the probability of sexualizing the characters of his own creation in that sense might have made him uncomfortable. Better to play safe, than end up with a bigger mess, just saying. I’m all for the sex talk in a non-berating, (slightly) educational approach when it comes to that in non-adult literature. Or even just stating a sex scene in a mere sentence. (Karen M. McManus did an amazing job with portraying struggling teens with a right approach in One of Us is Lying. Stating it or making it very, very, very clear between the lines. Then again, not everyone can pull that off or wants to go in that direction).

In addition to that, seeing stuff like the infamous ”the sea doesn’t like to be restrained“ or ”Percy has handsome features which shifted from humor to anger“ quotes getting constantly shredded is so… Meh. One simple question: what does Percy having a mean resting bitch face to do with his sexuality/sexual behavior? What does him being annoyed and on the moodier side have to do with it? For me absolutely nothing. The correlation isn’t really clear and out there. Pissed Percy doesn’t translate into Percy automatically being the dominant (in Percabeth’s sex life)?

I mean I get it. We all grow up. Erotica is a wonderful genre and art form (if you waddle through the trash). You will never be able to get that out of fiction and fanfiction. That’s also neither my goal nor my place to decide. As cheap and stupid as it is, I’d rather have people intentionally aging the characters up and stating their headcanons in that regard rather than people attempting to abuse canon where the characters are minors in order for sexualizing them. There’s no good way to prevent this from happening unfortunately (unless you really want to abolish all explicit fanon stuff).

Whenever you post a sexy headcanon just hold on for a second. If you have abstract future headcanons sure, go ahead, personally don’t see a problem with that. But if you use source material to fixate your thoughts on minors in canon to give them sexual labels… I urge you to seriously rethink that.

Stop sexualizing minors. Please. Pretty please.

Peace

[szopenhauer]

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted? yes

Are you in a good mood right now? r u serious?...

Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from? I won’t get any

Are you talking to anyone right now? my gf online and my mom irl

Did you buy anything today? I didn’t

Were you happy when you woke up this morning? I wasn’t

When was the last time you cried really hard? today, it wasn’t the hardest tho

When did you last hug someone? Who was it? this day as well, parent

How’s life going for you? no comment

Has something someone said today annoyed you? that’s normal Can you hear the crickets chirping at night? sadly not Do you like listening to new music, or just sticking to your favorites? depends on the new song - if it’s good then I like it as much as my old favs

When was the last time you were bitten by a bug? this summer has the worst mosquitos ever Do you have a pair of sunglasses that are worth over $200? I'm not rich, mine aren’t more expensive than 25 PLN  Are you brave when it comes to trying new foods? ...  When was the last time you saw your significant other? weeks ago, not counting video chatting Are you ashamed of your singing voice? I’m aware I have no talent so... Have you ever had a dream where you could understand a foreign language? also animal languages and been talking to plants etc. Do you have anything important to do tomorrow? hospital Are you a fan of retro things? prefer vintage, antiques, shabby - retro is fake but at times there are some good enough pieces as well  Would you be considered to be knowledgeable about World War 2? I mistake WWI for WWII and vice versa If you’re with someone right now, do you think it will last? don’t feed my paranoia Have you heard of the Irish actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers? oooh that’s the one Do you have something to do, that you would rather not do? tomorrow Are you, in any way, feeling hopeless right now? absolutely Do you know who you’re planning to ask to your prom? I wanted to ask my current gf back in the day but my mom didn’t let me and I didn’t go because only me and K. didn’t have a date so we preffered to stay home When was the last time you went shopping? yesterday What’s the limit on how much you would pay for a shirt? 60 PLN but I cry when I pay 30 PLN, luckily I have like 3 shirts that are about 30 PLN Do you like making funny faces in pictures? better to be funny than ugly, right? Is there something you look back on and go “I can’t believe I did that”? regrets Are you good at offering advice? but not following them  What was the last thing to confuse you? confused is my second name  Are you a fan of Keira Knightley? she’s not that good Have you ever resorted to alcohol to make you feel better? it doesn’t make anything better Have you heard about Mel Gibson’s rant/freakout? he was such a good actor, such a shame he’s not a good person  Do you wish your bedroom was bigger? I wish I had my own apartment Have you ever felt like a “new person”? I had my moments that were ruined right after  Do you own any expensive jewelry? I sold the only necklace that was worth something  Has there been someone in your life that just wouldn’t leave you alone? stalkers Do you hate to use public bathrooms? there are way worse things than public bathrooms, even when they’re covered in blood, poop, pee and vomit (but puke is least bearable from all four)

Are there any writing utensils close to you? I packed bunch of them 

What was the last thing that shocked you? brain, remind me what was last... How many other rooms can you currently see into? hall Do you need to take the trash out? done Do you need to clean your room right now? soon Do you need to clean out a litter box right now? my cat’s gone Are these questions reminding you of things you put off to do this survey? there’s washing my head on my list for this evening - nothing more  How many days have you been wearing those clothes? gimme a break!

Can you move your nose? yasss

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? sew teddy and a cat from socks for example but I’m not fond of DIY in general Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? knowledge is power

What’s one thing that makes your stomach hurt? what doesn’t?... Ever had a living nightmare? my life is a nightmare

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? successful or not - haters are everywhere Do you wish you could be a world traveler? travelling ain’t my hobby Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? Ełk If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? if I had money and they wanted to go and it wasn’t that far away from home and they were angels and they were old enough... Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character’s autograph? wouldn’t bother, pics are better How long does it usually take your hair to dry?  so short yet dry slowly Is your Pinterest page cluttered? it’s neat Did you used to name your Barbies? of course Is your life boring? ppl say it is but for me it’s not enough boring if you know what I mean Do you usually feel better around people or alone? alone Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? tried to fix friendships but it didn’t work out  Do you ever think about Heaven? yup Are you ready for Heaven yet? I will go to hell but I don’t mind dying now if it’s a quick death as I prefer to be gone that an ill burden to myself and others Are you afraid of where you’re going to go? I don’t deserve heaven, I think it would be unfair for me to go wherever, I have love-hate relationship with God Do you feel better now than you did last night? noooo Does your body have any problems with it? my body is 99,99% a problem, it’s made of problems like jigsaw puzzle game Have you taken any huge risks lately? my life is 24/7 at risk - does that count?... Silence or songs? depends  Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? try to ignore them if possible What color socks do you have on? purple stripes, looks a bit like asexual flag - this realization :o Are you under a blanket right now? am not

How much was your prom dress? What’s the most you’d spend?: I wouldn’t buy anything expensive, dress from a second hand under 30 PLN Are most of your friends single or taken?: my friends were basically always single When you’re taking a survey that has a “Which of your friends is… the nicest? The prettiest? The smartest? Etc.” do you skip over it?: as I have no friends anymore to be honest What salon do you go to for getting your hair done?: I cut them on my own or ask mom for help Do you believe in luck?: I’m unlucky Would you marry someone of a different religion?: that would be hard  Would you convert for them?: nope Worst part about your job?: I don’t have a job and the worst part about it is lack of money and regular UP visits Ever took something out of the lost and found that wasn’t yours?: they tempt me I took some lost/trashed stuff from the street tho Do you delete friends from Facebook if they never talk to you?: that’s me! Do you know anyone who smokes cigars?: my uncle did Ugliest fashion trend at the moment?: according to this - shorts suit, cut outs, sheer/transparent, raffia not a fan of most of vests blue isn’t my fav color but it’s a seasonal thing but shirts shouldn’t be such a huge part of summer in my opinion Do you like glittery nail polishes?: why not

Are you wearing a pink shirt? it’s white with black letters

If you had a baby, would you want to have it at home or in a hospital? hospital I believe

Have you ever had a bad experience with anti-depressants? If so, what? don’t even let me begin this subject...

What makes your room unique? trinkets

Does your past bother you? consequences of it

Do you take risks or play it safe? play it safe and yet...

Are you afraid of running into a certain person in public? more than one person, more than one reason

Do you live in the USA? Poland

Who do you want to meet in Heaven? from those who already died? my brother

Is it raining? slightly

Is your life stressful and exhausting? to me it is too stressful and exhausting 

What is your favorite time of the day? when I sleep, if I sleep that is 

Have you ever known anyone that’s gone missing? nope Do you put your foundation on with a sponge or your hand? I don’t use foundation, yuk Do you have to pee often? ppl told me that I pee often Do you live near a pet store? they closed pet store in my town

Who was the last person other than family to tell you that they love you? my gf How many people have you kissed in the last month? 1 Do you know anyone who writes really well? my gf writes well Does it bug you when people spell color “colour”? not spell but write, it sounds good in British accent but looks horrible on paper

What is the best fanfic you have ever read (lmao) only fanfic I remember reading was that one E.W. and K.K. sent me about Draco and Harry (yaoi)

If you could direct your own TV show/movie, what would it be like? it would be based on my book

One thing you’ve always wished you could do / be good at? be healthy

Post a picture of the weirdest/funniest text conversation you’ve ever had! can’t choose only one, also, sadly,  I don’t have screenies of some of them 

Is there a stranger you would like to meet again? for example - I’d like to see all those ppl that I thought have amazing fashion sense and ask them if I can take photos then I would make a blog about it

Does your school take sports too seriously? all schools do, that’s unfair What does the sound you currently hear remind you of? it’s quiet

Did you eat out anywhere today? nah Where is your purse? my purses are in various places around my room

[kerraelas]

so my brother -- a whole assload of a douche, yeah?

he has this great habit of only cleaning his room when it's practically impossible to even move around in there. resulting in at least -- AT LEAST -- 5 trash bags full of, well, trash. and i'm not talking grocery bags. i'm takking those heavy duty black bags that ppl use for yardwork. it's full of take out trash, old food, junk he brings home from work, soda cans, if it's unhealthy, he's got it.

not to mention all the plates and shit he leaves out on the railing until someone else cleans it up bc god forbid he does something around the house. last time i cleaned it off -- about 2-3 weeks ago, mind you -- here were seven-fucking-teen plates, four bowls, countless forks and spoons, and an armful of glasses. there have since been more placed on there with old rice and dried whatever-the-fuck-he-eats. but, the dished are beside the point.

you see, he works on the weekdays and is off on the weekends. the trash gets picked up on monday mornings. which makes the weekend a GREAT time for him to clean his room! yeah, no. instead, he waits until he gets home monday afternoon OR he cleans it tuesday. now, any sensible person with any consideration of the 3 other ppl living in the household, would either a) leave the bags in their room until they have the time to throw them out or b) throw them out immediately upon finishing the cleaning.

but no, not my brother. oh no. he leaves them right in the middle of the hallway, blocking any path and any door, until the next trash day. which, again, is a week away.

moving said trashbags to the side of the hallway does nothing bc the hallway is quite small and you still have to pick your way over them.

asking him, politely, to take them into the garage also does nothing but cause him to yell at you and tell you to do it yourself.

but that's not the funny part. the funny part is that he asked me to empty and load the dishwasher so he can bring the dishes that are in his room (believe it or not folks, but there are MORE of his dirty dishes than the ones he leaves in thr hall!!) downstairs. or, in his unspoken word, leave them piling up in the sink for someone else to do.

if it were someone else who asked, i would gladly do so. but, as i mentioned, he does jack shit around the house. he hasn't done the dishes in around... a year, he doesn't clean the bathroom at all, he stopped feeding the animals on his turn a few years ago so i had to take over, and more! that on top of the fact that i had just cleaned the kitchen a few weeks prior and he had already made it into a mess again (i gave up after the first couple days of trying to get him to clean his shit off and put it away), i wasn't gonna do a single thing for him!

to try and bribe me, he said he'd order me food(hah) and, get this, put his trash in the garage. that's right! as a reward for me doing his shit for him, he was going to do something that should really have been done in the first place.

of course, i say no. because, again, i'm not helping him when he acts the way he does.

his response? leaving every single one of his 6 damned trash bags piled up in front of my room and the bathroom.

i figured, it's his trash. if he's not putting it outside, then it should be in his room. so i decided that if he didn't take it out by the time he left for work today, i was going to put the bags back in his room. sounds reasonable, right? not harsh, not rude, just a reasonable act. it is, after all, his mess.

now i know my brother. my brother's a grade A, anger-riddle, asshat of a douche. so i know the consequences of me doing that. i KNOW he's going to get pissed and throw the bags in my room and yell at me. do i care? abso-fuckin-lutely not!

as expected, the bags are still right in the middle of the walkway and infront of the doors this morning! i put them in his room. not blocking his door or his bed or desk, mind you. they're tucked nicely out of the way so he can get to everything. unless he needed to get to his closet(which he doesn't use except to pile up more trash).

also as expected, he gets home and starts throwing the bags in my room, and yellinh when i tell him that he should take them outside, and that they don't belong in the hallway. i also say that it's not my trash. it's his. it doesn't belong in my room. he says, and i quote, "they don't belong in my room either."

well, my good bastardous sir, they do if you're not throwing them away at the moment. it as after all, yours.

he also adds on that "just for that, if i get sick then i'm getting you sick"

would you look at that! he's fucking threatening me for not doing, in my opinion, anything wrong!

and guess what? the bags are back infront of my door and the bathroom door! i hope he realises they're just going to end up back in his room tomorrow. even if his door is locked, i know where the screwdrivers are.

i just wish he realised there are other people living here than just him and that the other people here are not just here to slave away to him. this doesn't just go for his messes. it goes for him running the washer in the middle of the night(which would be perfectly fine if the washer didn't noisily shake the entire house). it goes for him yelling at his game in the middle of the night. and it goes for him leaving the very bright hall lights on IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAMNED NIGHT (actually scratch that. he leaves on every light even if he doesn't need the light at all).

remember how i mentioned that there were about 17 plates of his on the railing? he starts going off on me when there are no plates in the kitchen. all i can do is just stare blankly because if he just cleaned up after himself, we wouldn't have this problem.

[thefudge]

scattered thoughts on sanditon so far 

this is a fun romp from andrew davies and there’s a lot to like and be invested in

but i do have some observations/ gripes

obviously davies is going for a modern/sexed up adaptation of austen and i have mixed thoughts on that, cuz there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with that, but you can also botch it up big time (i’m glad he didn’t do this to p&p back in 1995...i wonder what that adaptation would’ve looked like today. probably full monty darcy, lol). so i think some elements verge on the ridiculous, for instance having almost every dude in this show strip naked in front of a crowded beach several times in a row. ditto for theo james. i don’t mind the view (hehe) but i think it’s inserted awkwardly at times. like okay, we get it, it’s a beach resort and we’re trying to make austen edgy in 2019.... just maybe indulge a little less and literally keep it in your pants. 

this being a more modern adaptation i don’t mind hair and make-up anachronisms, but i DO mind the fact that rose williams sports this really weird shade of fuchsia lipstick in almost every single scene. stop iiiit

speaking of which, rose williams is a cutie and i loved her on reign, but i don’t understand what she’s doing with her face in this series. don’t get me wrong, she does a good job of making charlotte very likable, but the only way she can express...anything, really, is by making these confused faces, like a child practicing frowning in the mirror. it’s...really awkward. and she does this all the time, whether she’s happy or sulky or nervous, she just always looks like she’s trying to figure out the fibonacci sequence.  i mean it’s hilarious when u have theo james going all gruff to her about his feelings and rose williams is that gif of the blond lady doing math in her head. her acting is pretty good otherwise, but those faceeeees.

esther denham is my goddamn FAVE, gosh i love a Disappointed Queen and i’m glad she’s getting away from that boring skeevy brother. for once the incestuous siblings didn’t do it for me at all (which is pretty much the point lol). there’s nary a dude more uninteresting than edward whatshisface, my gaaaawd (also, davies trying to ramp up the sexiness with those scenes of edward brushing her hair or doing her stays...lol, sir, this rly isn’t your strength i’m sorry)

but i have to say that i thought esther and clara would be a thing. because my gosh, the chemistry during their scenes! the way they’d glide past each other with utmost contempt, while being disquieted by each other @___@. i mean it’s an austen adaptation, so i guess they’d never go there but!!! i need fic (would’ve made clara more bearable at least. i appreciate her character objectively cuz she’s an interesting pseudo-antagonist and you don’t get many of those, but blerghh. she was insufferable)

i was kinda (actually very) disappointed that the relationship between sidney and his ward, georgiana, wasn’t really developed. like there’s one more episode to go (as far as i know?) and they’ve barely scratched the surface with them. i mean he’s halfway decent to her now.... but ehh. i feel like this was a missed opportunity. after all, this was austen’s unfinished novel, so andrew davies & co could have added more material between these two. this, to me, should have been the real heart of the series. 

i like otis as a character, but georgiana/otis was zzzzzz. i suppose that they’ll end up together? zzzzzzzzzz (i frankly ship her way more with arthur! she finds him infuriating! he’s a sweetheart! the shenanigans!)

that German doctor is the real MVP, i feel like he should be sanditon’s no. 1 bachelor. i mean the shower rod??? providing pleasure to all the ladies in town, what a hero 

the soundtrack is rly rad! and the cinematography

i love how the show captures austen’s growing interest in the industrialized modern world which was emerging in the twilight years of the regency and i feel like maybe the show should’ve invested more time in that modern aesthetic (steampunk!) rather the awkward sexual shenanigans 

so....i can’t delay the inevitable anymore, can i? sigghh okay here i go

sidney/charlotte...annoys me. 

HEAR ME OUT.

 u know that i love LOVE “enemies to lovers” and hate/love stories, i LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. 

and i was ready to gorge on this dynamic because it looked delish 

 but i felt like michael bluth finding the dead pigeon in the paper bag. 

from what i can gather, sidney is supposed to be a mixture of darcy and capt wentworth, “haughty” and proud, with a history of romantic disappointment, a brooding sexy hero with a heart of gold. but to me this dude just comes off as weird. 

there’s legit no reason for him to be THIS mean to this young girl he just met. he is not just an asshole, he is ridiculously over the top about it, to the point where he makes a fool of himself. i am FINE with a man telling a woman off, believe me, but it has to have some kind of motivation, some kind of reasoning behind it. here, it just feels like the plot needs him to be utterly shitty to charlotte so that “sparks will fly”. that first ep convo on the balcony??? wtf???? it was genuinely bizarre. i got weird incel vibes. and every time he lashes out at charlotte (at least in the first 4 episodes) it’s fucking silly, because it’s not like he lashes out because she’s scratching the surface of his innermost painful memories. no!!! many of their arguments revolve around basic things that he could easily clarify!!! which he does eventually, so like whyyyyyyyyyy. charlotte keeps telling him he’s being vague for no good reason and he still does it. it doesn’t make sense he’d be this guarded and outspoken at the same time. like, fine, keep that shit to yourself, don’t tell ppl, but don’t also get pissed at them when they don’t guess your mind. again, i love an antagonist dynamic when it’s done right, but here many times it’s just pointless bullying, it’s not sexy or fun or challenging. the writers keep making charlotte apologize to him about how “wrong” she got him and how he makes her doubt her judgement but it sounds fake to me. like a) this dude went out of his way to be a total assface to you from day one, b) none of that bullying was him trying to coax you into having a more complicated view of the world. when darcy rebukes elizabeth, he is hinting at her limited point of view. he’s not blatantly negging her or calling her stupid as this dude does. AND U KNO WHAT.

i’d be absolutely fine with him calling her stupid IF IT MADE SENSE WITHIN THE STORY 

like if charlotte had truly done smth stupid during the first episode, sure, fine, it’s somewhat warranted 

but for him to decide she’s an idiot for no other reason than her making some honestly super nice remarks about his brothers when he asked for her opinion is THE HEIGHT OF NONSENSE 

it’s even more nonsense when 2 episodes later he decides maybe she’s not that dumb after all FUCK U MR. EDGELORD

and it makes me pity charlotte cuz she’ll probably marry this dude and have to deal with him in his old age when he’ll be even more insufferable. 

and i totally get the appeal. i do! i mean their scenes are manufactured to make you want more of them, i see the chemistry, it’s there (and we’re already at a point in the series where he’s trying to make amends) but at the same time i’m put off by this dude’s intensity, cuz it’s not the hot kind of intensity...it’s more like he’s a giant dumb baby who breaks things. meh. theo james is very pretty tho, and he is doing the most with his character (that voice def helps!). but i wish this antagonistic relationship had been written better, because it could’ve been glorious

this is why i think sidney/georgiana should’ve been so much more present. just like darcy has his georgiana we need the humanizing element, we need to see more variety from this dude than just “guy who clearly needs anger management classes”. 

i’m pretty sure i’m in the minority or possibly one of two ppl not won over by this romance, and i can’t lie and say i don’t root for them. too much of this show is predicated on their clashes for them not to work it out and get together, but boyyyy do i wish they’d done it a bit better

i almost feel like a reylo anti lol, but at least kylo ren doesn’t neg rey every single time they talk 

also, i go back to rose williams’ faces because they just rly enhance how clumsy this dynamic is. theo james is doing byronic asshole 2.0 and charlotte looks at him like he’s developed a smell lmao. i mean the scene where she catches him naked? she turns around and FROWNS in this rly bizarre way, almost like she noticed a growth on his dick lmao it’s that bad 

anyway i totally get the appeal, but i also know what i want from this kind of dynamic and...this ain’t quite it 

honestly i think i prefer charlotte/cute architect guy whose name i don’t remember right now! 

that being said, my fave moments of this show are the most austen-esque, where ppl don’t take themselves so seriously. i mean the adventures of the perennially-ailing parker siblings (arthur & diana)? deeeelightful. the pineapple scene? glorious

also it makes me sad that sanditon was left unfinished because to see austen tackling georgiana’s character in depth would have been so, so interesting 

in conclusion, the show’s a lot of fun but also frustrating in many ways

i hope davies doesn’t set his eyes on re-adapting p&p or other austen classics because ermmm i know i’m trash but i am kind of tired of these sexed-up “look how scandalous we are behind closed doors” adaptations. you can make the regency era feel modern and relatable without “shocking hand job in the estate park” pls and thank u. sure, the regency era was the inheritor of the sexually relaxed 18th-century, but it wasn’t that relaxed yall. ppl still kept their wits and bonnets about them.

still, i’m glad this show exists and that it tries to take risks, i just wish it took different kinds of risks, if that makes sense. like i am SO bummed i didn’t get into sidney/charlotte, u have no idea 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Hey!! 👋🏽😄 I know you said in your last rant about SK8 and Reki and Renga that you were one of those people that always looks up and learns from others, but after your last Langa edit, I just wanted to remind you how immensely talented you are. I might have not seen your first attempts at editing, but I know how it looks like when you're barely starting something, and I'm sure everyone is proud of the progress you've made and many people looks up to you as the level of skill they want to achieve. You're doing amazing! 💖💖💖

Hi, my love!!!!!! ASDFSDFGHG that’s soooo sweet, thank you so much for saying this, it really means the world to me <3 Oh, haha I’ve deleted most of my old videos so it wouldn’t hurt anyone’s eyes lmao T_T I’m still a bit nervous each time I’m uploading my vids to the day to be honest, even with so many subs rn, but at first I really didn’t have any supporters at all and my god I sucked at this, but I guess the love for my fav ships was stronger apparently haha. So I always get silly happy at each nice comment and feedback, so thank you seriously. 

I really love love love vidding, Idk why but when smth comes out the way I wanted it’s a super addictive feeling for some reason, but many times I just looked at the final result and just threw it in the trash and started over and my god how many times SonyVegas crushed and didn’t autosave the project. I’m like Suga now, I’m pressing the save button each 2 minutes, cause don’t want to lose anything xD Being someone’s inspiration is truly an honor to me, I’ve got some messages that hit me too hard. Still feels weird bc I’m like “but do you know that I can’t even use photoshop tho, how do u like me now then?” lol.

I’m always drawn to talented characters, bc they amaze me, esp the humble ones. Like those who hate Haru or Lanaga just buffle me honestly. I understand that they’re pretty and talented and everything, but they’re also the sweetest and loveliest human beings, so like...??? And I adore those who don’t whine and get what they want. I just can’t help it. I’m a strong believer in the fact that "you can do anything if you put your mind to it”. So far it worked in real life so suck it lol.

People are also saying like Langa doesn’t deserve to win this and Haru doesn’t deserve to be in Olympics, like Langa didn’t snowboard since he was 2 and Haru wasn’t swimming every day since he was born. I’m like.. and you need to check in the mirror if your face is a shade of green. BTW I’ve also been in a professional sports for quite a long time since I was a little kid, ballroom dancing and adored it back then, and I did not get jealous at ppl who were talented than me, I was watching the tapes actually with a popcorn. And oh god those large competition events when you sit there for days and give it all, but then you’re like 296 out of 1000. Why was I proud instead of being sad? Idk xD It was fun.

So thanks for liking the vid, cause I even regretted uploading it a bit yesterday. Sadly everyone already knows that we lost this fandom to the middle schoolers being extra, so they do not care for anything each episode except for this ship, so that’s what I got for posting a just Langa vid:

And etc. and that just made me sad, cause I do not like such fandoms, like it’s not even related to the video, that I’ve been making... with love.  Also thanks for the "sama” title, I’m flattered, but editor only wants to vid matchablossom for now, so like there’s no need for any warnings. I’ve been in such horrendoes fandoms, that I’m immune to this. I also in fact didn’t know some keep ruining Langa’s page and saying that he steals Reki’s screen time... cause he’s aparently the only main character...? ...lmao? I didn’t even know Langa can be hated tbh. I wasn’t really ready for all the drama that followed me making a vid about him.

I’ve already deleted some comments, cause I’m like what this even has to do with the vid about Langa? No, I am not obliged to make a vid about Reki, too. What if I post a matchablossom vid, everyone will only start commenting “do renga”, cause fuck your efforts? I’m like... I hate such fanbases, seriously. I do not even know where this is going, but their fans are already pissing me off. I’m still trying hard for this to not affect my point of view about the ship, cause it’d be kinda unfair to them, but its getting harder each week istg.

And I maybe can’t take requests, but I love when some try to get me addicted on their ship with passion and great arguments. It happened to me with some nice ppl. But def not with agression and stupidity haha.

Cause apparently its one of the fandoms where you can’t NOT care for the main ship, even if you accept it for the only possible Langa ship (cause he doesn’t give a shit for anyone else, so like what’s the point), but it doesn’t do anything for you. I’m like... thanks for threatening. This will make me on board ASAP. Like it’s not the epitomy of love to me... I’m sorry? LMAO 

Some anon even sent me a “you’re dense” (literally thats it) ask after that Reki ask. I was tempted to write smth like “oh I’m sorry, this is the most epic love story of my life and his character is the most complex in the world and he’s the best friend and the most inspiring human being that ever hit my screen. can I become undense now? xD”. But you know I do not know if they’d realise the sarcasm and my pride sadly never allowed me to sell my life values for a bunch of 12 years olds to love me lol

My sister always laughs and jokingly says “but you’d probably get much more subs if you made a vid about this or that, but at what price that would be lmao”. Cause yeah, I never could make myself vid smth I do not like, cause I love vidding and do not want it to be associated with things I do not like, plus it’ll most likely turn out ugly, if I do not care. My mom says that she can feel love I put in my shipping vids that’s why she loves them. I really don’t think she’s wrong. But that also kinda makes me an idiot technically, cause I’m not into many of the popular ships, and some popular animes I just find really basic. 

Also I’m like 100% sure it ain’t happening, but even if they miraculously suck each other’s dicks while sitting on a skate board, I can still have the rights not to care at the end. Like did I sign some form where I’m obliged to love each and everyone canon gay ship even if it’s not what I like? Like gay is not the type of love in relationships. You can only care about his ass like Lan Zhan for example or you can only care about your ass. Like that’s different types of relationships, and whatever you like you like. So get all the way of people’s backs, please.

Also do ppl know that you do not need to be blind to the bad sides of the characters in your ships? Or you just gonna be like “I suddenly can’t see” for forever.

So really thanks for such wonderful message and liking the video and for the boosts when I need them and not being an ass to me if I’m not being obsessed with smth, when you like it. (like I think we have different ship in bnha, right? but we’re still doing great tho, thanks for being an angel <3)

I still didn’t expect this becoming a Voltron 2.0. situation tho. We in our twenties see everything differently, I guess. I do get extra about “their love is everywhere”, but I do not get extra by anonymously attacking ppl, threatening creators and yelling “queeerbating psychotic blind assholes if these two aint fucking by the end of the season I’m shaving my head and jumping out of the window and shoot the director. you do not ship it HARD? YOU DUMB FUCK. THAT’S THE BEST LOVE STORY IN THE WORLD”. Like damn, take your blinders off and see the world, kid. Firstly, it’s definitely not, secondly, ppl see love differently in general and at each age too.

Ah, also you must kill Adam, cause he’s a pedo apparently. Like he ain’t even a threat to your ship, unless you’re blind, but they’re still at it, like they do not know that this kind of age difference is literally nothing for an anime? And that there are canon ships with a huger age difference left and right, too. It’s like its their first time approaching an anime or smth. Like in anime world character can literally kill 1000 ppl with his bare hands and bathe in their blood and we can still stan them, depends on their story, ok? Also Langa couldn’t care less for his advances, so like separate Adam from your ship pls. Like, fuck off, if someone is interested in his character. Yeah, he’s a weirdo for reasons, but anime kind of weird do not apply to real life. Stop acting like you’re some purist, when later you’re gonna ship smth else and it suddenly will not apply. Also rules do not apply to animes, everyone knows they do not apply. These are not western cartoons, my god. And 24 years old flirting with 16 year old is defiinitely not the weirdest shit anyone has ever seen in the anime. Chinese BL has characters who were 14 and 30 when they met and happily married. Also FICTION is not life. Literally no one cares. If you’re scared for your saint eyes, do not watch animes, you’re gonna have a heart-attack from what you can see there. Also we’ve seen gayer bromances in animes, who are just bromances, so pls do not shoot anyone if it’s not canon.

So basically I was kinda pissed yersterday, cause fuck them for ruining the tag, but after chatting with my hommies and your ask, I’m okay again, I just have to avoid this fandom and stick to a tight community xD. I just got used to my nice fandoms and forgot for a bit about the precautions you need to take if you’re in one of those. You know. Who make a circus out of lgbt, instead of supporting it, and make other ppl hate being in fandoms.

P.S. sorry for this partially unrelated rant, your messages really always make my heart bloom, so thanks for supporting me, and I know you’re proud of my progress, too <3 and this makes me happy. LY

[codenamesailordarillium]

I just stumbled across your tumblr & saw the thing where you said you don’t mind random asks, so I hope this ones ok: I got into DW over the past year & am now hardcore RiverDoctor. Unfortunately it seems like I’ve arrived to the party about 10 years late. Which means I stumbled across the section of the fandom that hates on THoRS bc 12 wasn’t “River’s Doctor” & 11 didn’t get to take her to Darillium for the first time today... Would you have any thoughts on that whole thing?

Wow…well, first I wanna say it’s always great to have new people on board. I know it might seem like you’ve gotten into it too late in the game, but trust me, new people in our corner in the fandom are always welcome (as with any fandom, of course). Feel free to send asks gushing about it to people, I’m sure fellow shippers would be happy to welcome you with open arms. ^_^

As for the rest well…this is gonna get long and probably have the potential to piss certain ppl off bc I have Opinions™, so gonna put the rest of this under a cut.

Hoo boy…yeah, 11/River *ONLY* shippers. See, the thing was, initially, back in late 2013/early 2014, when we were fresh off of Matt’s regeneration ep and all, I could sympathize to a certain degree with ppl who were sad about him leaving and were reluctant to see River/Alex with 12/Peter because it wouldn’t be the same or whatever. I didn’t agree personally (tho initially I was p bummed about Matt leaving, Peter started winning me over real quick not long after he was announced), but I understood that people have a certain attachment to characters and specific dynamics shippy or otherwise. 

But to me, River was always the priority when regarding my interest in DW, and I wanted to see more of her in the show again, regardless of which Doctor it was with. I didn’t like how abruptly Moffat decided to end her story, just because the majority of the big reveals unfolded with Matt as the Doctor and suddenly because he and Karen and Arthur weren’t gonna be on the show anymore it meant Alex had to go as well. That didn’t really seem fair to River as a character, ‘cause it felt like we’d only been shown the bare bones of her story, her background/origin, her getting married to the Doctor, and then her dying. It didn’t feel right for her to just…not be there all of a sudden. Certain episodes (and lbr character dynamics) during series 8 and 9 would have probably benefited from her presence (off the top of my head I’d say Time Heist, how the hell did this show have a heist episode with no River using her time-traveling archaeologist sleuthing skills, like dafuq).

So…pre-THoRS, the Doctor/River fandom after Peter took over the role was a bit of a mixed bag. There were the people who only wanted River with 11 and just angsting in general because there wasn’t gonna be any more of that, but there also was a significant bunch of us who were DEEP into wanting River & 12 to happen. People were still in the fandom, writing fic, drawing fanart, what have you, probably at a slower rate than they had previously, but there was still stuff being put out there, simply because we wanted to entertain what that hot Capalston Sex Storm chemistry might look like. So when news of THoRS suddenly hit us in the face like…

…needless to say, a good number of us were suddenly stoked, new life had been breathed into the fandom and there was pretty much constant excited yelling for like the three and a half-ish months after it was announced. Once the episode finally came out and Darillium got switched from that big dreadful moment where River’s story turned tragic (well, even more tragic than it already was) to literally the most warm and fuzzy soft 24 years of domestic marital bliss for River, there were diverging opinions.

Post-TNotD the fandom had come up with all these headcanons about 11 having lost River directly after losing the Ponds, which was why he was up on that cloud for a century and the generally accepted consensus was that Darillium had to have happened with 11. Admittedly, it doesn’t really paint 11 in the best light after the fact that he seemed to have tried dying on Trenzalore without ever having taken River to Darillium like he’d promised. But, looking back, a lot of 11 & River’s relationship as it was depicted in series 5 & 6 was fraught with emotional hurt on River’s end, so for me personally (and some others), it didn’t really seem entirely out of character for 11 once we really started thinking about it. 

Really, it’s more complicated because of the nature of TV and how with a show like DW it’s really impossible to plan out these big story beats ahead of time with different Doctors. Moffat initially tried getting David to stay an extra season after RTD left, and had David said yes, that means a good chunk of River’s story would have unfolded with 10. It kinda just ends up being a case of who’s currently part of the cast and how can we mold this particular part of the story around them. By the time Steven decided on the way in which he wanted to show Darillium unfold, Matt was already gone, so it had to happen with Peter.

(And I mean, if you wanted to put a positive spin on it, you could see it as 11′s big blustery last-ditch attempt at trying to prevent River dying in the Library from happening.)

I was admittedly a vocal cuntface about how much I DIDN’T want THoRS to end on Darillium before “24 years”. I hated the idea of 12 finally seeing and being with his wife only for it to end all unnecessarily angsty again. Moffat managed to completely upend and rewrite my expectations in that regard, fortunately. 

For a lot of us, it was about River being shown to finally have some no-strings-tied happiness with a Doctor who knew her. I think a lot of people wanted that to be with older!11, but narrative-wise, I think regardless of whether it’s older!11 or 12, the point is the Doctor being at a point where he can be the husband who River needs. One whose memories don’t need to wiped after the fact like all the classic Doctors, War, 9, or pre-Library 10. Aside from the whole HELL YEAH SPACE WIVES angle, I think that’s also what fuels a lot of the desire for River to be with 13 as well, a Doctor who knows and loves her regardless of what face their wearing.

For some ppl in this fandom tho, that didn’t suffice because it didn’t happen with Matt & Alex. And I mean, if that’s how someone feels, that’s their prerogative, but I don’t see any reason to rain on everyone else’s parade when it literally brought new life and excitement and joy and FUN into our fandom after what felt like quite a long dry spell without any River content. 

And I mean, not to get mopey and sad about it (trigger warning for some potentially upsetting stuff), but the news about River being back on DW in September of 2015 couldn’t have come at a better time fore me personally, bc that was literally a time in my life where I had sudden and overwhelming/dangerous mental health issues, to the point where daily I contemplated suicide and knowing that River was finally gonna meet the Scottish version of her husband was quite literally the thing that kept me alive, because I fucking HAD to see it. So, I do tend to bristle when I come across opinions that trash that particular episode, because it means a HELL of a lot to me. 

The only thing I can say about dealing with people who stew in negativity is to just try to avoid them. I don’t follow anyone who professes THoRS-negative opinions and in some very rare cases I’ve blocked certain people. In addition to this, bc Tumblr’s blocking system is balls, I use the xkit blacklist extension and literally put people’s urls into it so I don’t have to see their stuff when others unknowingly put it on my dash. (Tho be aware that if ppl change their urls you might need to go in and change it to their current one, but it’s not that hard to do.) Because at the end of the day, you just want to be able to enjoy the ship. You are the one curating your own fandom experience, and once you know what you want to avoid (or who), you gotta just take the necessary precautions.

[yaz-the-spaz]

First Line Challenge

I was tagged in this forever ago (like in april yikes) by the wonderful  @storyanonguy​ i’m so sorry i’m just now getting to this womp womp i’m a trash human being lol but anyways...

RULES: List the first lines of the last ten stories you published. Look to see if there are any patterns that you notice yourself, and see if anyone else notices any! Then tag some friends.

[putting this under a read more cause i couldn’t decide where was a good place to end for a lot of them and this got way long]

Twelve Fic Outtakes/Deleted Scenes: “You know the reason I bought you so many hoodies of your own is so you can stop stealing mine,” Liam says with a teasing smile when he walks into their bedroom to find Zayn sprawled out on the floor in the space between the door and the bed in one of Liam's own too-big hoodies.

call it passive or aggressive: When Liam comes home it’s to complete darkness and his first thought is one of relief because if Zayn went to sleep early then it means he blessedly didn’t see what happened at the Jingle Ball. What Roman made him say. 

The Threequel: Zayn feels the rumble of the uneven pavement underneath him as he cruises through the dark city streets, squished in the backseat of a truck, his hands bound with duct tape that he could rip through like tissue paper if he wanted. Two guards flank him, huge hulking men that by the looks of it are more show than anything. They may be big but from what he’d seen of them when they “caught” him, they’re slow and don’t seem to have too much going on upstairs, to say nothing of their actual fighting skill which is probably mediocre at best, nowhere near a match for him even on his worst day. 

Even better, they’re blissfully unaware that they’re being followed. Don’t even seem to notice the van that’s been following two cars behind them for the last eight miles or so that Zayn can see plain as day in the rearview mirror. It’s hard to keep himself from smirking, even with the barrel of a nine-millimeter pointed menacingly against his side to him still and quiet. He could tear right through the tape and empty the clip of not only that gun but also the one clipped to the belt of the guy on his other side before either of his “chaperones” even knew what happened, knock both them and the driver out and take the wheel if he wanted. But he doesn’t. That’s not part of the plan.

Beautiful Monster: Liam’s up getting ready for an early morning run when he hears it. A muffled noise like something slamming shut. It’s the third time in a row he’s heard it but the first time he’s actually awake enough not to dismiss it as just a stray animal messing about in the bins or an early-rising neighbor shutting their front door too hard or something. Because now that he’s fully alert he’s certain that that was definitely the sound of a car door slamming shut. Specifically his car. Or rather, van. He’d distinctly heard what sounded suspiciously like the soft swoosh of the side door sliding open and shut. Which is crazy because he’s certain that it’s locked and there’s literally nothing in there that’s worth stealing unless this particular thief likes rolls of pink fiberglass insulation, buckets of cement and caulk, or industrial pipes.

Two Point 0: I am strong. I am powerful. I am in control.

I am strong. I am powerful. I am in control.

I am strong. I am powerful. I am in control.

This is what Zayn thinks this to himself as he looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Repeats it in his head three times, like he always does on days like this. It’s his mantra. A new thing he’s been trying at Harry’s suggestion along with meditation. It’s not something he does everyday. Just on days when he’s not feeling quite as high as usual, not quite so comfortable in his own skin. When the lows start to get to him and he finds it a little harder to push the bad memories back to the recesses of his mind because the nightmares may come less often now but they still come.

Highs and lows. That’s how he categorizes his days now.

be my accomplice to my crime (partners in crime): Liam can feel the butterflies swirling in his stomach as they get closer and closer to town and he’s no less nervous than he was an hour ago or a day ago or a week ago.

It’s been two and half years since Liam left and Zayn’s done his best to avoid having to come back for as long as he could for Liam’s sake, turning down deal after deal, but this one had been too big to pass up. He’d tried. God knows he’d tried. Even gone so far as to try and hide it from Liam so he wouldn’t find out. But Liam had found the telegram early one morning while clearing out both their pants pockets just before leaving for the dry cleaner’s down the street from the hotel they’d been staying at. Zayn had still been asleep as usual, stretched out on the hotel bed in his boxers, sheets tangled around his legs and Liam had dropped back down to the edge of the mattress staring at the paper in his hands and wondering how many more Zayn had thrown away before this one.

Eyes the Size of Baby Worlds: Liam’s dreaming about The Guy again. 

The one whose name he still doesn’t know but who always manages to get assigned the package deliveries for Liam’s building.

Liam catches him sometimes, riding up on his bike. When he’s home, that is. Waits at the window like a lovesick puppy on days he knows he’s getting a delivery and watches The Guy zip through traffic like it’s nothing, hair flying in the breeze cause he never wears a helmet (even though Liam’s pretty sure the bike messenger service The Guy works for requires him to wear one for safety reasons, but God does he look so much hotter and cooler without it even if it is unsafe).

dRuNk/Like I Would/Let Me/Dusk Till Dawn: Zayn feels like Liam’s invaded his senses. Like all he eats, sleeps, and breathes anymore is Liam. Liam Liam Liam. He’d never known it was possible to feel so intoxicated by someone before but that’s how it feels whenever he’s in Liam’s orbit. Like he’s shifted into another plane of existence where the only thing in focus is Liam, the only thing he can smell, see, hear, taste, touch, is Liam, everything else blurring to the background like white noise.

Late summer nights stumbling into hotel rooms together, eyes red and words slurring together, hands and lips mapping out each other’s skin till they’re breathless with want and all the things they’re too afraid to say in the light of day.

you get off on me, it’s like cheating: Sometimes he does this. When he’s alone. Only when he’s alone. When Zayn’s away and he’s got no interviews or performances or recording sessions to go to—nothing to fill up the time—he does this. Only sometimes.

The speakers are loud, turned up to full volume to drown everything else out. All of the dogs are outside, probably barking up a storm, but he can’t hear it over the music. Over the sound of Zayn’s voice wafting over him in soft, mellow tones.

He slips out of his clothes slowly, laying back on the bed in nothing but his pants, eyes closed, lets the sound of Zayn’s voice take over. It’s so loud it feels almost tangible, like it’s all around him, like Zayn’s all around him.

He can almost imagine Zayn’s there with him, singing the words in his ear—a place that is so pure, so dirty and raw—smirking against Liam’s jaw like he knows exactly what this is doing to Liam, how much it gets to him, how he can practically feel the vibrato under his skin, thrumming inside him. His body feels like a livewire, buzzing with electricity, buzzing with Zayn—Zayn inside him, over him, all around him.

when did reality become tv: The crowd boos when Zayn comes around the side entrance and makes his way toward the empty couch next to James. Zayn flips the crowd off as he walks past, glaring at them all sourly as they jeer at him, shoves one of the overeager cameramen away from him with a hand to his lens. It only ends up riling the crowd up even more, makes their boos even louder but he doesn’t really care. He’s mainly only here for the money anyway. 

...Didn’t really notice any patterns myself but to anyone reading this (if anyone actually even bothers reading this monstrosity lol) let me know if you notice any! 

Tagging @ohthathurt @oh-no-its-elle @lirry @empty-altars...probably most ppl have already done this since it’s so old so feel free to ignore (or join in if you want even if you weren’t tagged)

[kihcn-blog]

[ jung hoseok, agender, he/they, twenty-five ] COLOR GREEN by NEW POLITICS? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of KIHUN YEONG. maybe because they’re AFFECTIONATE but also UNREALISTIC. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since JUNE of 2016 in APARTMENT 700 and have 1 ROOMMATE.

hewwo its me hazel. this is a disorganized mess and like trash but! my thoughts aren’t working right today (or any day lsdovgodfglvdf) so live with it.

ABOUT THE MUSE.

meet hunny. he’s a gymnast. he works as a personal trainer for anyone who needs it? mostly athletes & other such people with the money to afford him. he’s very chill and out doorsy. a tall person who snuggles into all of his friends despite being over 6 feet. kisses his pals platonically and believes in karma and balance and everything in nature being connected. super into fitness (obviously) and spends a lot of time at the gym for his own pleasure (though he’s there a lot for work too), particularly in the early mornings when he first wakes up. free spirited and a little bit absent-minded; he often drifts off in thought and doesn’t hear what’s being said to him, even if someone is speaking to him directly.

that being said, he’s really stubborn and fixates on people in a way, mostly people who seem like they “need” him, and even if they don’t treat him very well, he still puts his all into them. kihun kind of unhealthily wants to take care of everyone despite them not even wanting that from him? like he just… feels like it’s his job to give all of himself over to his friends & family & good luck telling him otherwise! he’s easy to guilt & to manipulate in that manner, & he’s gotten caught up in a lot of bad people as a result of that who did nothing but bleed him dry.

was raised by a single mother in busan, south korea after his father passed away when he was very young. he grew up in a multi-generational home with one sister, his grandparents (mom’s parents) and his mother. he was raised gently and to always be kind, but to strive for goals and be ambitious. when he took an interest in gymnastics he was encouraged and supported, which is a lot of the reason he ended up thriving so much. his mother is a personal chef for some very wealthy people, and they grew up pretty comfortably because of her long hours working, as well as the surplus she was compensated for her work. kihun was very close with his sister growing up, and he remains very close with her now. she still lives at home, though he’s moved out now, and she’s engaged to be married very soon.

ADDICTION/ALCOHOLISM TW

he moved to baltimore when he was only eighteen, initially just for school, but once he’d lived there for a while, he realized how much he loved it & pushed to become a permanent resident. unfortunately, what he didn’t expect was the toll that being away from his immediate family would take on him. he was often very lonely, and in the university scene, it’s easy to fall into crowds that aren’t exactly good for you. hunny is the type of person who is susceptible to going out a lot, and is prone to overdoing it when he does --- which quickly became an issue. he started drinking. a lot. at first it was just when he would go to a party or to a club, or fall into somebody’s arms that he knew wouldn’t be there tomorrow. after a while, it became a habit. he would drink until he passed out, and then start again when he woke up. his studies slipped, barely allowing him to get by (particularly so when he was more than partially on scholarship), and this lasted close to half a year before he even began trying to get it under some semblance of control.

hunny has been battling addiction ever since then, only recently having earned his 1 year sober chip from the AA meetings he attends weekly. unfortunately, his addiction did damage to him and his relationships that seems damn near irreparable even still.

he currently works as a rather successful and somewhat prominent personal trainer, typically hired by the more wealthy demographic of baltimore for his serene but determined attitude and people skills as well as skills in the work that he does. he focuses on his physical and mental health in equal measure, and he hopes to be able to rebuild himself more and more as time goes by.

RANDOM FACTS.

only drinks cold/iced drinks

really into sweatpants/leggings/yoga pants as every day wear

big sweaters/hoodies/jackets

JEAN JACKETS WHEN DRESSING IN ACTUAL CLOTHES —> wardrobe consists of mostly denim & fuzzy sweaters when not in fcking yoga pants

cooks super well actually who woulda guessed it

has 2 hamsters

hates wearing shoes, always barefoot

started experiencing gender dysphoria at a young age, and only learned abt different identities and what he might fall under when he got a bit older thanks to the internet. he’s very passionate about the way that he feels and about the respect he’s shown in regards to this, so expect correction if you misstep. 

loves swings, especially tire swings

can throw a punch, but prefers NOT to!

would let you step on him & then ask if you needed anything after rip lol

openly polyamorous and doesn’t do monogamous relationships for any reason tbh !!! if he starts getting feelings for some1 who doesn’t vibe w that he’ll let them know & break it off if necessary !

sleeps arnd a lot but is very very sweet n considerate like? he genuinely cares abt the ppl he hooks up with, even if it’s only a 1 night thing. super duper affectionate, WILL cook breakfast the next morning.

highlight. shimmer. sparkle. god, he loves to GLOW.

very interested in dance n actually taking lessons not just bc of that, but as another way to pass the time.