#year 1- post hogwarts

[catsp1racy]

Fic recs #45 : The Dragon’s Treasure (*highly recommend*)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32088421/chapters/79492678

side note: this fic is very long but i love it. i am going to combust because of how perfect it is.

[myokk]

Honestly I just saw this “more posts like this” and🥹🥹 idk…it’s really cool to see all of these fanarts together!!!🫶

Lots of times I feel like I’m still figuring out this style bc I just started drawing like this in April/May…and even though I know I have a lot to learn, I feel like I’m slowly evolving into an art style I love💓

[stupendousbookworm]

clearly its not christmas but i switched on my ipad after MONTHS and came across some ugly ass xmas art that i wanted to redraw so tee hee here you go i swear i didnt die or smth im still alive fr

[bouwrites]

Okay, so yes, I’m putting off posting the Fire Emblem fic again, which feels bad because Engage is coming out so soon, and also because of the reason I’m delaying it yet again... But!

But, but, but!

Hogwarts Legacy is going to come out in a few weeks and I didn’t know who my player character was going to be, so naturally I made a wizard character, and then I wanted to flesh him out, learn more about him in preparation for the game, so I decided to put him in Harry’s year at Hogwarts and just run with the story.

I ended up making him a Scamander, because I was thinking about how if Rolf went to Hogwarts at the time Harry did he’d just be that one kid who’s literally perfect at everything he does but you can’t hate him because he’s also a ball of pure sunshine. you know what I’m talking about.

But my character had some issues pop up while I was brainstorming around year 3, so to keep the plot going I decided to just make him Harry’s brother for funsies.

So, I ended up with a twin au fic where Harry’s brother is adopted by the Scamanders, which is purely self-indulgent and is made entirely to examine the character I’m going to be using as my PC in the game.

I just finished writing year 6. Things go way off track of the books in year 4. I don’t know that I’ll actually finish year 7 before the game comes out - probably not, actually - but I’m considering posting years 1-6 over the weeks before release anyway

(Don’t judge me for not wanting to start posting the FE fic please. It’s 86 chapters. Even if I do my usual every other day posting schedule, which is hecking fast I should note, that’s still 172 days of commitment. Yeah, you read that right. I’ll be posting that thing for almost six months. Posting every other day. Do you understand my problem, now?)

[moongurl95]

had LOTS of days. still this fandom is a drug that helps with those kind of days... 😊

Many fanfic writers and artists are just one bad day or one discouraging experience away from throwing in the towel and leaving your fandom.

If you don't want to risk this happening to a favorite creator of yours, today might be a good day to let them know how much their work means to you. :)

[fatesundress]

⭑ for the love that used to be here. tom riddle x reader

summary. you and tom are the only muggle-borns in slytherin, until one day he isn’t.

tags. angst, afab reader who is referred to as a witch a few times and rooms with girls but i don't think i ever use she/her pronouns or say the word girl/woman, biggest warning is that this is SO long (idk what compelled me to write a year 1 – post-hogwarts fic but here we are twenty thousand damn words later), blood purity and bigotry, dumbledore is greatly offended by the bonding of two orphans until he can capitalise on it, frequent wwii mentions (specifically the blitz), book clerk tom, MURDERER TOM… ministry reader, kissing, smut once they’re 21/22 May all the minors in the room exit at once, more angst, sad ending kinda, me spreading a very personal and very nefarious tom riddle agenda that is canon to ME but probably only like two other people

note. i need a shower and an exorcism after writing this shit. i'm exhausted. i don't even remember half of it. but i'm also SO stoked, this is my little (very large, frankly) 100 followers celebration! i've only been on here for about a month and the love has been so crazy so thank you mwah mwah mwah ♡

word count. 21.8k (i know... i KNOW)

You learn quickly that your shade of green is not the same as theirs. The rest of them are emeralds, even at that age — they glitter with their parent’s polish. You are flotsam, sea-sick, envy green; the putrid boiling stuff that brews in your cauldron when you look away for a second too long, and, really, it’s more of a stain than a colour at all. There is a fraction of a second where you find something powerful in that. You are not an easy thing to remove. And then it’s gone, because they want to so badly.

You learn, with a bit less tact, that you doesn’t actually mean just you; that it’s you and him whether you like it or not.

He evidently does not.

“It has to be completely fine,” Tom says to you in Potions, his voice small then but just as practised.

You narrow your eyes. “‘Scuse me?”

“I said the powder has to be completely fine.”

“I heard you completely fine. I know how to read.”

He stares blankly at you before returning to his own station, and that’s that.

It isn’t unheard of for muggle-borns to be sorted into Slytherin, so you’ve been told, but one glance around your common room and you can see it’s pretty damn rare.

There’s Tom Riddle, there’s you, and there’s a seventh-year girl whose knuckles are always white like she’s spent so long with her hands balled into fists that they don’t know how to do anything else. Tom Riddle is a prat, the girl is too old and unapproachable even if she wasn’t, and you are very good at being alone.

That decides it. Flotsam still floats.

Everything is — fine. It’s fine for months; you have no one and need no one and sometimes you catch a jinx in the back of Charms that zips your mouth shut or bends a foot the wrong way (a cruel reminder of how much more these people know than you) and your broom occasionally pivots so sharply the Flying professor has to stop you from careening into a wall and breaking enough bones for a week’s worth of Skele-Gro, but it’s fine. 

…It’s just that he’s insufferable.

The boy is eleven years old and he speaks like he’s stealing glances at an invisible lexicon between every word, more refined than any of the orphans you grew up with which makes you wonder which sort he’s surrounded by, and you take it upon yourself to theorise in passing if you could ever scare him badly enough his real voice would slip and he might just appear human for once.

Only it becomes clear when you’re stirring awake in the Hospital Wing after a mysterious bout of dragon pox (conveniently, all the pureblood children developed an immunity after catching it young) has rendered you bed-ridden and pockmarked, that you don’t think anything can scare Tom Riddle. He’s suffering just as well in the bed beside yours to keep the contagion to the two of you, and he’s all cold, eddied rage under sallow skin and beetling bones. 

“They’re going to kill you,” he says after three days of silence, when the room is dusted in moonlight so thin it’s like squinting through cinema noise or mohair fluff to try to see him.

You blink at the vague shape of him. “What?”

“If you don’t hurt them back, eventually, they’ll just kill you.”

In hindsight, it’s an assumption so hastily bleak only a scared child could make it.

I want to hurt them, you try to say, but for what follows you cannot: I want to hurt them but I’m not good enough to do it.

You roll over and pretend to sleep, and in the morning, you hurt them anyway.

It’s Avery who’s unlucky enough to be the first to test you when you’re three assignments behind in Transfiguration, still a bit groggy from your last dose of Gorsemoor Elixir, and actually, physically green. He tugs your hair and stings your cheek with the promise of “bringing a bit of colour back to your face” and it’s sort of funny how banal it is compared to the other transgressions you’ve been dealt — that this is the thing that makes you bare your teeth, grip your wand in a hand that still can’t hold half of it, and send Avery flying across the room with a Knockback Jinx.

Tom sits with you in the Great Hall for dinner that night, and he never really stops.

You practise spells by the Black Lake between classes and he’s anything but kind about the ordeal, but you teach each other. You end your days with singe prints and sore wrists and you often take more damage than he does, but sometimes, as spring settles in with warm tones (apple and jade and moss — all the greens you’d never imagined), you leave with less bruises than he does. It hardly feels like friendship. It feels much more like purpose.

When summer comes you don’t write to him, and you don’t expect he will either. You don’t suppose you’ve actually written a letter in your life. Instead you try new wand movements under your quilt every night and wait for August’s departure on a big red train.

You sit together when the day does come. He asks you if you’ve been practising. You frown and tell him you’re not allowed to use magic outside of school.

Second year is nothing but monotonous, antiquated theoretics. Most everyone complains. You don’t see why they should — they’re already aeons ahead of you — but that means you finally have a chance to catch up in your less-than-school-sanctioned meetings with Tom while the rest remain practically stationary. 

Deputy Headmaster and Transfiguration professor Albus Dumbledore is imperceptibly less soft with you than he was last year when you make the apparently poor decision to sit beside Tom on the first day, and you file the subtle shift in demeanour into some mental cabinet to review later.

You find workarounds with the librarian, Madam Palles, inclined to sympathy for the poor, orphaned muggle-borns to grant relatively unfettered daytime access to the Restricted Section so long as you keep it tidy and none of the books leave the library. That’s where things get a bit more interesting.

For a month you remain innocuous as can be. You browse through rare historical tombs and foreign biographies that would charge more galleons than you can conceptualise, and you never leave so much as a tea stain on the parchment. You smile at the Madam when you return the key each night, and walk back to the dungeons with your hands behind your back. It is, of course, totally unrelated that a month is what it takes for Tom to master the third-year curriculum’s Doubling Charm. An entirely separate affair when you meet him in the most secluded alcove of the library, slip him the key, and stifle your grin as he duplicates it perfectly. 

You discover Christmas break is your favourite time of the year. Nearly all the purebloods go home. The Slytherin dormitories are effectively halved.

It’s two weeks of earnest, uninterrupted work and sleep without fear of waking up with jelly legs or whiskers.

Madam Palles, most nights, makes a slight, drowsy effort of searching the library for leftover students before she casts the lights out and closes the door. Then, it belongs to you and Tom.

You’re splayed rather ridiculously over one of the big reading chairs on Christmas Eve, Lore of Godelot in hand, enthralled by a chapter detailing his controlled use of Fiendfyre through the power of the Elder Wand.

Tom is cross-legged and sat straight, his brows furrowed in concentration.

“What’ve you got?” you ask, leaning over to answer your own question.

Tom as good as rolls his eyes, holding up the book to give you an easier look.

“Magick Moste Evile?” You scrunch your nose. “Bit much, don’t you think?”

“It’s the stuff they’ll never teach us.”

“I wonder why.”

He steals a glance at your own book and smiles in that smug way that makes you want to slap him.

“What, Tom?”

He shrugs. “You might want to know you’re reading stories about the author.”

You look down. Lore of — Godelot wrote Magick Moste Evile? 

It shouldn’t really be surprising. Three chapters ago your book was recounting his months in Yugoslavia grave-robbing magical burial sites.

“Whatever,” you mumble, “It’s just a biography. Least I’m not reading the words out of his mouth.”

“Well, they’d be out of his quill.”

“Oh my God, Tom, shut up.”

All good things must come to an end. Term resumes and your hackles are back up. 

Abraxas Malfoy, Antonin Dolohov, Walburga Black and the best of the worst of your house have returned, sleek-haired and insatiable and deranged, truly, in such a manner that you don’t think you can be blamed for the instinct you feel every time you pass them to lunge like a wild predator or run like wild prey. All Tom does, though (and so you follow, because he’s standing with you and who has ever done that?) is meet their gazes with equal assuredness. He never seems bothered. He never seems animal. You are still all hammering heart and heavy lungs, and you are learning not to see the world through the eyes of someone who’s only ever had their fists to fight. You have magic, you remember. You’re good at it. You could hurt them, if you really wanted.

Not much is different that summer than the last. The war is hard. The food is hard to chew. You chip a tooth. You’re too afraid to fix it with the Trace on you, but you still smile because you will, and everyone seems put off by that. What is there to smile about? 

You suppose, for them, it’s a question with few answers. 

For you — you’re back on a big red train musing about the functions of muggle warfare with Tom Riddle, chucking a useless card from a chocolate frog out the window and moaning about how you wasted the sickle you found under your seat.

He’s gotten very good at ignoring your theatrics and going right back to whatever it was he was talking about. And you note, unrelatedly, he almost looks like he’s learned how to open the windows at Wool’s. (You dare not suggest he’s doing something so ludicrous as sitting in the sun too, but this is a start.)

Dippet, or the Minister, or whoever it is that’s in charge of the practicality of the curriculum, has become fractionally less stupid in the last three months.

You don’t have to rely on nights in the Restricted Section or weekends at the Black Lake to actually learn something anymore. Of course, without the assistance of those illicit extracurriculars, you wouldn’t be able to match up to your peers the way you are this year, but it’s nice to duel with dummies instead of motioning your wand vaguely over a desk, and you and Tom still climb the notice boards in rapid succession. 

They hate you for it. One of your roommates makes a pointed effort each night to glare at you from her bed like those jelly legs are back on the table, Orion Black (two years younger but just as nasty as his cousin) nearly trips you on your way to Divination, Abraxas Malfoy develops what you think borders on obsession with Tom, and for once it feels almost offhand to not care about any of it.

You’re beginning to think even at its best, Hogwarts is remarkably insufficient. This leads you to books mercifully unrestricted so you can read about a few of the other magical schools for comparison. Beauxbatons is renowned for providing most of the worlds alchemical developments, Uagadou’s early propensity for wandless magic makes it unfathomably more practical than Hogwarts, Durmstrang (though you scoff at their violent anti-muggle sentiment) teaches the Dark Arts as something beneficial rather than unforgivable, and — what do you learn here? Even with the hair’s-breadth of magical leniency you’ve been allowed this year, it’s no surprise so few recognizable names in wizarding history are Hogwarts alumni.

“Let me have a look at that,” you say to Tom one evening, when he’s peering once more over the pages of Magick Moste Evile. He’s a purveyor of knowledge in all forms, but he always seems to come back to Godelot in the end.

He raises a brow, handing it to you like your intrigue doubles his. “No more reservations?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m only curious.”

“Curiosity—”

“Killed the damn cat, I know.” You glare at him through the pages. “I think that’s you, in this case though, since you’re the one in love with the bloody thing.”

He shakes his head as he reclines in the low light of the Restricted Section, muttering something that sounds like “ridiculous,” or “querulous,” or something else unimaginably fucking annoying.

You might be wrong. Retract your last quip and expunge it. If Tom’s in love with any book, it’s the behemoth dictionary he’s been spitting stupid adjectives out of since he was eleven.

But Godelot’s musings on the Dark Arts are fascinating enough that you can understand the appeal. He’s no wordsmith, and you appreciate that in a way you’re sure Tom deems regrettable, but his points are straightforward but thoughtful in such a way you can read in them how he was guided by the Elder Wand through everything he did. There’s a stream-of-consciousness to them. Something doctrinal you’re surprised to enjoy for all the obligatory English creed they washed your mouth with at the orphanage.

“Find what you’re looking for?” Tom asks, combing with little interest through the tomb you’d put down in favour of his.

“I’m not looking for anything. I’m just…” You sigh. It’s almost painful to say. “I think you were right, and — oh, shut up, don’t look at me like that — I don’t think we’re learning anything here. Not really; not as much as they do at other schools.”

“Of course,” he says blankly. “Hence this.”

This — restricted books and furtive duels — should not be necessary. 

“You know that’s not gonna be enough. For the rest of them, maybe, but not us.”

He tenses how he always does at the reminder of his difference. And you get it. Sometimes in moments like these you forget the reason you’re here in the first place. It isn’t just the rebellious divertissement of two academically eager students, it’s… survival. What future do you have as a penniless orphan in wartorn London? What future do you have as a muggle-born Slytherin who’s apt with a wand when there are a thousand more your age, just as skilled and twice as pure? 

It isn’t enough to be as good as them. You have to best them, and you have to do it forever.

The night stumbles into an exhaustive silence because you both know it’s true and it’s a bit too heavy right now. The answer isn’t in this room. Just you. Just him. So you sit in the dark and you stare through that muffled nighttime noise playing tricks on your eyes. The worst of the world can wait until morning. 

The worst of the world has impeccable timing.

A fault of both sides of the coin; the muggle world is a travesty and the wizarding world is just a bit fucking late, really.

So there’s the newspaper. It’s October first and the date reads September tenth. School owls are a joke and you can’t afford anything better.

And it’s a dirty, ashen grey. It smudges your green if you ever had it at all. You were born to this and you will return to it always.

BOMB’S HAVOC IN CROWDED PUBLIC SHELTER

MOTHERS AND CHILDREN AMONG THE CASUALTIES

DAMAGE CONSIDERABLE, BUT SPIRITS UNBROKEN

All you can hope to do is pass the paper to Tom and wonder without words what you’ll go home to.

The answer is very little when the summer clouds your vision with dust and you stand dumbly with your suitcase in front of nothing at all. You’d tried your best until your departure to keep up with muggle news, but it had remained, routinely, a month behind with the owls. By the time June arrived you were still holding your breath through May. Tom had attempted to reason with Dippet for summer lodgings at the school but you were both denied in light of the exquisite mercy — the bombs have stopped! The Blitz has ended! Go back to the aftermath and make do with the craters.

It’s a bit ironic that Tom’s orphanage survived and yours didn’t. At least you can finally see what all the fuss is about.

In truth, it’s more strange than anything. You feel unreasonably like you’re impeding on a part of him that has never belonged to you (if any of him does); that place where you intersect but never draw attention to. You remind yourself you had no choice in the matter. The system puts you where it wants to, and these days the options are slim. But it’s — the walls are amber-black tile and plaster, lined with sanitary-smelling hospital beds and a cupboard per room. Per room, you think; you’ve got one of those now, and with only one girl to share it with. 

You figure the reason for the extra space is probably not one you want to know.

Anyway, you don’t actually see Tom for two days. The caretakers bring you a tray of dinner that’s vaguely warm and a bit too salty and you sleep off the debris you think you breathed in that morning, half-sated and sun-tired.

But then you do see him, and he’s in these funny uniform shorts and a thick blazer and your greeting is an offhand joke about the scandal of his knees that he doesn’t seem to appreciate. He eyes your muggle clothes while you wait for your own set and you know you really don’t have any room to judge. 

He doesn’t, or at least doesn’t say he minds your relocation.

You spend half the summer waking up in the middle of the night to acquaint yourselves with the London tube stations, and the other half in whatever crevices of the orphanage you aren’t harangued by Mrs Cole every five seconds, which are far and few between. She seems to have decided fourteen is old enough an age to worry about your intentions unchaperoned, like it’s the bloody 1800’s, and admonishes you and Tom relentlessly despite only ever finding you quietly buried in useless books. 

You begin to miss Madam Palles and her invaluable pity. Everyone’s an orphan here. No one’s sorry.

“What’s his deal?” you ask one stuffy afternoon, reclining in your creaking seat to prop your legs on the desk.

Tom knocks them off (he’s so well-mannered that you sometimes push these little gestures of impropriety just to bother him) and glances at the target of your question. Some broad, blond boy who skitters down the corridor a shade paler than he arrived. You’ve yet to properly introduce yourself to anyone you don’t have to, so names are muddy when you try to apply them to faces.

He shrugs, but there’s a flash of something in his expression you’re fascinated to realise is unfamiliar. “He’s an imbecile.”

“...Riiiiight, but that isn’t a proper answer.”

You smile. Legs return to table. Timeworn Oxfords muddy the surface. Tom scowls. 

“There was an altercation last year,” he says tersely, “he’s rather fixated on the matter.”

“An altercation.”

“Very good, that is what I said.”

You narrow your eyes and he sweeps your legs off the desk again, gaze catching the unmistakable ribbon of an old bullied scar on your shin. 

“And I suppose you’re above such incidents,” he muses.

You cross your arms and huff. He always wins games like these.

You’re grateful when you return to Hogwarts in one piece after your final night of summer is spent underground, and the certainty of knowing where you’ll rest your head for the next ten months cannot be understated. 

But the worst thing has happened, and you blame it on the flicker of a moment where you missed Madam Palles like it was some jubilant, accidental curse to ever miss anyone. A foreign thing you remind yourself never to do again. 

She’s only gone and jinxed the locks to the Restricted Section so they cry like newborn Mandrakes when Tom’s replica key clicks in place.

For a second you both stand there looking stupidly at each other. Getting caught was a fear two years ago; you’d almost forgotten it was still possible.

Tom is quicker to collect himself. He grabs you by the arm and casts a Disillusionment Charm, and you don’t burst running out of the library like two blurry suncatchers reflecting the candlelight as your instinct heeds; you cling to the shelves and you slither silently to the door. (You’ll make a joke about it when you can breathe.)

Madam Palles the Traitor comes heaving into the library in her nightgown, a blinding blue light baubled at the end of her wand, and it’s really just theatrical at this point to use Lumos bloody Maxima when the basic spell would do the job just fine.

“Has she suspected us the whole time?” you say on gasp once you’ve made it to the dungeons.

“Perhaps someone else has,” Tom suggests.

“What? Malfoy?”

You think it’s a good first guess. It could have been any of the Slytherins, upon consideration, but Malfoy seemed most fixated on Tom last year and it wouldn’t surprise you to learn he’d been observant enough to follow you to the library and notice you don’t leave with the other students.

But Tom quashes the idea. “I’m doubtful. Malfoy is attentive, but Madam Palles is hardly partial to him.” (He had, in second year, set one of her books on fire while studying offensive spells.) “I suspect it was someone with more influence.”

Only no one has more influence than Abraxas Malfoy. The rest of the Slytherins follow him like lost pups. But then Tom might mean —

“A professor?”

“It may be.” He says it like he’s already decided his suspect.

He is, as always, and ever-infuriatingly, correct.

It’s that file you tucked away for later, reoccurring when you return to Transfiguration in the morning like a second epiphany: Dumbledore.

He assigns the term’s seating arrangements, which he’s never done before, and there’s something in his tone when he pairs you with Rosier that feels intentionally like not pairing you with Tom. You don’t think it’s paranoia clouding your better judgement, and by the way Tom’s gaze hardens as he takes his seat beside Malfoy, neither does he.

Dumbledore is suspicious for a number of reasons. He disappears for weeks at a time. The Prophet writes articles on his sightings in Austria and France like he’s an endling beast. He’s being sighted in Austria and France — two notable countries in Grindelwald’s ongoing war. Perhaps ancillary, you’ve decided the charmed glass repositories he uses to hold his old artefacts are the same ones encasing the least permissible books in the Restricted Section. And if that isn’t paranoia (which, you’re willing to admit, it may be) then you assume he has them so proudly on display because he wants you to know.

You consider it a warning.

Tom does not.

“Just give it up,” you hiss over a game of wizard’s chess, “I bet we’ve read every book in there twice already anyway.”

His jaw ticks as the sole indicator of his annoyance, and he takes your rook. You scowl.

“Tom, that man thinks you’re devil-spawn. You know he’s just waiting for an opportunity to catch you doing something wrong.”

“So?”

It sounds so petulant you think he’s been possessed by his eleven-year-old self. Then you think he was a lot wiser at eleven.

“So?” You make an aggressive move with your knight. “So don’t give him one!”

He stares at the board and his breath is just a trace sharper and you hate that you know him like this and no one else. You wonder if he knows you like that too, but resolve with ease that he does not. You’re hard frowns and lewd jokes and trousers torn at the knee to bare scars with stories you wish you could forget. There’s no mystery there. Tom is nothing but — gordian knots and fixed expressions and little patterns to learn like the rules of this stupid game between you. You must know Tom Riddle by every atom or not at all. And that isn’t a choice, really. You’ve never known anyone else.

“Are you stupid, Tom?”

You glance at the board. He’s got Check. A terrible, true answer.

“No,” you finish. “Then don’t act like it.”

Your king glances at you and you nod. He falls. The game is resigned.

Tom acts stupid.

Dumbledore knows.

It all happens very fast.

You strike Tom harder in the arm with Confringo than is likely necessary that night, and he returns the favour with a Knockback Jinx that thrusts you into the shallows of the Black Lake.

You gasp. The cold water feels like it’s swallowing you whole when it strikes, an envelope sealed around you and licked shut for good measure. Everything holds to you, and it’s fucking November. Your senses are so overwhelmed that you forget to murder Tom the instant you sink in. You forget to do much of anything.

You wade trembling out of the lake when sense returns and Tom huffs, peeling off his robe to treat the burn on his arm.

“You—idi—iot,” you mutter, trying to find the incantation for a warming charm but the words get stuck between your chattering teeth. “You stole a re… stricted book.”

Tom glares daggers at you between his poor healing job and you scowl, mincing through the grass and grabbing his arm. “Fucking imbec-cile…”

You’ve done enough damage that if he were anyone else you’d be proud of yourself, and somehow, simultaneously, if he were anyone else you’d be able to manage a pinch of guilt. But he’s Tom, and you know him by every atom, so you cannot be proud, and he’s Tom — he retaliated by tossing you in freezing water and now your clothes are clinging sodden and heavy to every inch of you, so you certainly can’t be guilty either.

“I borrowed it,” he says tightly. As if that means anything at all. And then he takes his robe and drapes it spiritlessly over your shoulders. “You could attempt communication before curses.”

“I could attempt communication,” you scoff, uttering a charm to partially close the gash on Tom’s arm, “Fucking h-hypocrite. I did communicate. You lied.”

“I —”

“Omitted information? Withheld the truth? Watch your mouth or I’ll steal your fucking dictionary, Riddle.”

You swear a great deal when you’re cold and mad, apparently.

“I won’t be caught.” His calm is infuriating. “It would hardly earn expulsion regardless.”

“It doesn’t matter! He knows it’s you! He was staring at you all class!”

“So nothing novel then.”

“D’you want me to blast you again?”

His lips form a flat line. No. That’s what you thought.

You sigh, clutching his robes in your fists to quell your trembling. “What’d you take, anyway? We never touch the encased stuff.”

That is, you assume, why Dumbledore was vexed enough about the whole thing to mention it in class today. A highly valuable book has gone missing, from a repository you dare conclude belongs to him, and he has to pretend all the while not to know it’s Tom who took it. You are out of the question. Theirs is some delicate vendetta you can’t begin to unfurl.

“Nothing anyone should miss,” Tom says, a complete non-answer as he stops to murmur a warming charm you could probably manage yourself by now.

“Tom.”

“It was an encyclopaedia. It’s entirely in Runes. I suspect it will take months for me to decipher.”

“God’s sake,” you groan. He really is exhausting. “I think Dumbledore’l take his chances and loot your dorm before that happens.”

Tom wipes a stray droplet of water from your cheek. His fingers are soft. “We should return. You look half-drowned.”

“I am half-drowned, dickhead.”

And you accost him in hushed tones the whole walk back. Runes, Tom, really? Threw me in the damn lake over a Runic Encyclopaedia? He accosts you just the same; You burned me first.

It does, in fact, take Tom months to decipher the Runes, and he’s quite secretive about it. He won’t let you see the book, won’t tell you what it’s about, won’t indulge your queries on how far he’s gotten or if it’s worth the way Dumbledore bores his eyes into the pair of you in the Great Hall with nothing but the glass of his spectacles to soften his censure. You consider — well — you consider taking your chances and looting his dormitory.

The day everything changes starts the same as any. 

You muse over breakfast about muggle news and how the way Tom holds his wand when he casts defensive spells is too sharp when it should be circular. He argues. You soften the criticism by telling him his offensive magic is stellar but you’ll always beat him in defence if he doesn’t swallow his damn pride and listen to you for once. (So, really, you soften it very little.) He doesn’t take Divination so you don’t see him until Herbology that afternoon and he’s silent enough during the hour you share with your wormwood plant that you know he’s done it sometime between breakfast and now. 

Tom has cracked the book.

It’s late spring and the night takes longer to settle than it did in the winter. Errant sunbeams still sparkle on the water when you meet him by the lake, and it’s warm enough to forgo a coat.

“Are you going to tell me what it’s about now?” you ask without preamble, arms crossed over your chest as he approaches.

He hands you the book like it’s worth something to you without his explanation, but you’re intelligent enough to gather something from the illustrations of two twined snakes embroidering the cover.

“I should have suspected it sooner,” Tom says before you can comment. “By the way Dumbledore acted when I told him… I should have known he would have wanted to keep it from me.”

“Tom, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“It’s an Encyclopaedia on Parseltongue and its known speakers.”

You flip through the pages and none of it means anything. “Parseltongue?”

“The language of serpents,” Tom supplies, and the two of you walk along the edge of the forest. “It’s almost exclusively hereditary.”

“Okay, so, what — you’re trying to learn it anyway?”

“I have no need.”

You frown. “You… you already know it.”

“I always have,” he says, and there’s something almost unrestrained in his voice. He’s proud in a new light, and it takes you a moment to understand and you’re not sure why exactly it makes your heart sink, but —

“You’re not muggle-born.”

“No, I’m not. And Dumbledore knows.”

“So, he —” You try not to sound crushed because why should you be? Why should it matter that he isn’t some exact reflection of you? He’s at your side, he’s still there, he’ll always be there — “How does he know?”

“When he came to Wool’s to inform me I'd been accepted at Hogwarts. I hadn’t known anything, certainly not that speaking to snakes is emphatically rare, so I asked him. He said it was ‘not a peculiar gift.’ Perhaps to keep my interest at a minimum.”

“Why would he lie?”

“Because it isn’t just that I’m of magical blood. I’m a descendant of Salazar Slytherin.”

You can’t be faulted for laughing. It’s not often Tom makes jokes, let alone funny ones.

“That’s good, Tom. Morgana used to have tea with my great-great-hundredth-great-grandmother, so that works out nice.”

He sighs, taking your hand and leading you further into the woods.

“Are you trying to murder me?”

“I might.”

“You’d be the first suspect.”

“No, I wouldn’t. You’ve far too many enemies.”

Not by choice, you start to scold, and then he stops, not so far into the Forbidden Forest that you’re afraid, but far enough you understand this is not something he’d chance showing you in the open.

He closes his eyes and whispers, and it’s — decidedly not English. And you know the sound of a few other languages, at least; this doesn’t sound like words at all. His consonants are pointed, his S’s stretched, the syllables repetitive but separated by a difference in cadence someone less perceptive might not notice. 

It shouldn’t be surprising; it’s exactly what he told you, but it startles you how much it reminds you of a snake.

“Tom?” you murmur, unsure at the prospect of speaking some ancient, unknown language into the air of the Forbidden Forest, and, underneath that, still reeling with the knowledge that this is real at all.  You’ve pinched yourself a few times to make sure.

There’s a low susurration in the grass, wet with dew that catches the moonlight, and you gasp, clinging to Tom’s arm when you see the blades part in helices for the space of an adder.

“It’s all right,” Tom says softly, almost elsewhere, his eyes zeroed in on the snake. “It won’t hurt you.”

You’re still by the balance of his arm and some petrifying awe as he extends a hand to the grass and the adder coils around it, weaving upward to his shoulder.

“Oh my God. Oh my God, Tom.”

The adder points its beady gaze at you, and Tom whispers something else in that strange language before it retreats in agreement or compliance or whatever could come close to expression on the face of a fucking snake, and maybe you’re dreaming this despite your pinching. Maybe you’ve lost your mind.

“Hope you didn’t just tell it to bite me,” you try, and it comes out half-choked.

He smiles. It’s partly for you and partly for this venomous little thing on his shoulder, and that’s a bit startling. Tom Riddle smiles for adders and you and not much else. 

“Should I?”

And all you manage, for whatever reason, is, “Don’t be like them now that you’re not like me.”

It’s out before you can stop it, welling from a small, scared place that embarrasses you to return to. A hospital bed when you were eleven. The walls of a bedroom ravaged by bombs.

Tom’s smile fades. “We’re nothing like them.”

The thing is, neither of you know that’s the day that changes everything.

You celebrate your fifteenth birthday in the Deathday ballroom with Tom, a stolen dinner pastry, a green candle, and a few sad ghosts. You try to learn how to dance. Tom thinks it’s silly. You tell him that’s only because he’s upset he keeps stepping on your toes.

Summer blisters when it comes.

Some of the children take jobs as mail-sorters and steelworkers and you clasp for whatever you’re (one) allowed and (two) capable of, which isn’t much. You’re both old enough at the end of the day to explore London on your own, opting to spend as much time away from the orphanage as Mrs Cole allots, but you only have knuts and pennies and you warn Tom it would be unwise to swindle muggles and risk a letter from the Ministry. So you work where you’re needed and you eat the rationed nonsense you always do and you miss Hogwarts terribly. It’s much the same: you’re together, you’re hungry, and you’re nothing like them. 

And then it’s different: Tom makes Slytherin Prefect, is suddenly tall, and you wonder in fleeting moments if his face has always suited him this well.

A stupid remark. You fervently ignore it.

Fifth year begins and you have almost the same number of electives as you do core classes, Tom has duties in his new role that take much of his spare time, and despite popular belief, you and him are not a mitotic entity, so this splits you up more often than it had in previous years. Which is fine. You still have plenty of things to talk about during meals and between duels, and you reckon you’ll share DADA until you graduate.

But in his absence, your attentions are forced elsewhere, and you should be grateful they land on something potentially promising.

It’s like Transfiguration just clicks for you this year. You’ve never been the greatest at Transformation (importantly though, you’ve also remained far from the worst), but fifth year launches you into Vanishment and something about that feels like a perfect equation. There are no complicated half-numerals and objects stuck between inanimacy and being — just unmaking the made. Nothing or not. You’re fucking excellent at it. You glean the theoretics fast and then the practise comes like breathing. Even the purebloods struggle as you Vanish Dumbledore’s Conjured garden snakes in brilliant tendrils of light. You exult unabashedly when you brush past them on the way out of class — who was it that didn’t belong in Slytherin?

You say the same to Tom and he rolls his eyes, but the amusement is there.

“Think you can talk to my snakes for me?” you tease, nudging him on the path to Hogsmeade.

“If they’re yours, I doubt they have anything worth discussing.”

And Dumbledore is… a hue nearer to the man you remember from first year. He praises your improvement and smiles when you can’t hide your giddiness as if equally impressed.

He doesn’t shelve people the way Slughorn does (you’re dismayed to find Tom has been invited to join the Slug Club and you have not) but you think if he did you’d be rapidly climbing your way to the top. Maybe get put in one of those neat little repositories he keeps all his best treasures in.

Dumbledore does, however, offer additional assignments for those who are interested, and tasks you with a few if you’re up to the challenge.

You always are.

The Tom-Dumbledore-Encyclopaedia debacle is apparently either resolved, or your part in it forgotten. 

Tom humours you when you’re both singed at the fingers from duelling, yours dipped in the lake while he buries his in the cold moss, about how Abraxas takes the seat beside him at every Slug Club dinner. He tells you he pretends to be very interested in the Malfoy’s business affairs and their stock in the Bulgarian Quidditch team’s win this coming spring. He tells you he finds it amusing to let Abraxas think he can make Tom his pet. Tom says he considers searching for Salazar Slytherin’s fabled Chamber of Secrets and showing Abraxas what a real pet looks like. You smack him in the arm.

He’s had an ego forever. He just has a few too many reasons for it now.

And maybe that’s why you push harder in Transfiguration, dedicate the majority of your studies to it, spend your Saturday nights scrutinising advanced techniques while Tom makes nice with Potions experts and politics with people who don’t even know what he is but like him anyway. It’s patronising, of course — borderline fetishistic; not a real like — but it scares you. Tom Riddle would not allow himself to be anyone’s pretty mudblood show pony if he didn’t have an ulterior motive.

Everything changes but the observable truth that he is still insufferable.

You’re lucky to see him twice a week if it isn’t in class, and the way it starts is so slow you don’t even fully understand what’s happening until Christmas break when Abraxas stays a few extra days and leaves by Dippet’s Floo instead of the train.

You don’t dare ask where Tom has vanished to in that time or why the hell Abraxas Malfoy would willingly subject himself to unnecessarily extended time at school with all his lackeys gone, and it isn’t because you don’t want to. It’s because he won’t tell you himself. It’s because you’re terrified the answer will feel like a broken promise, and you’ve come to realise (it’s been there for so long; such an obvious, tiny thing that you’ve never stopped to really dissect it) that it’s quite difficult to know someone at every atom and not love them a little bit.

You’re suddenly aware of the risk of it: you love him like an inextricable piece of yourself, and, well, you’ve seen war. You know what amputation looks like. You’ve seen the remains of structures designed to stand forever, and you’re strong like them — casts and gauze in all the weak spots because you remember the pain of breaking them — but those were blows dealt without the complication of loving the bombs behind them.

Tom is the green on your robes, the dragon pox tinge you sometimes think never truly faded when you look in the mirror too long, and all the shades you never imagined. Apple, jade, moss. The beginnings of emerald. (No, he couldn’t be that.) 

You wonder what the world would look like if he stole those colours back, and it’s much worse than some brutal decimation; it would leave you with too much. You would just be you without him.

So you love him into June like you always do, and you pluck his Prefect badge off on the last day of school and tell him it makes you jealous like a joke when it’s half-true. 

It’s raining when you walk to the train together, miserable for what should be summer but not at all remarkable in Scotland. Tom wipes it from your cheek. Your wrists are sore from vanishing bits and bobbles all night while you still can, never truly prepared for three months without magic, and you curl into your seat as soon as you’re in it. Tom wakes you up when you arrive back in London, startling you to find that you fell asleep at all.

It rains a lot that summer. There’s nothing much to see in the city and you can’t get anywhere else (you note: the Trace cares little about broomsticks but you can’t afford one of your own and flying might be the only thing Tom is bad at) so you’re stuck to the library again with a noseful of old paper and a certain prose that magical literature cannot replicate. You theorise a lifetime of reckoning with the mundane forces one to be more creative.

Perhaps it’s the cold that makes you sick. Perhaps it’s the state of your meals. Either way, your final weeks before sixth year are hell. Biblical, blazing hell.

The nurses aren’t sure what it is — another influenza epidemic you’re the first in the orphanage to catch — but they isolate you immediately and there’s not much care they can offer. 

You hear Tom arguing with one of them outside your door but can’t make out the words. Everything is dizzy, sweaty, halfway to unconsciousness but without its relief. You’d take dragon pox over this.

Some days later (though you can’t be sure because it feels like bloody centuries), he’s at your bedside, and you think even if you were lucid enough to ask what horrible thing he’d done to change the nurses’ minds, you wouldn’t. 

But you know he’s not beyond breaking wizarding law, because he’s muttering healing spells with a hand to your damp forehead, and you hazily find yourself reaching for him, trying to shake your head no.

“Not allowed,” you mumble. Your throat is sore and your nose is stuffy. You sound terrible and you probably look worse.

Tom is slightly blurry but you think he’s staring at you. You know if he is it’s with the utmost incredulity.

“Not allowed,” he repeats slowly. It’s very easy to picture him clenching his jaw. “I wonder, if the Trace is so exact that it can detect all forms of magic, it can’t also detect malady. You’re burning — and I’m to consider whether saving your life might be illegal?”

He’s angry. He’s angrier than you’ve seen in a long time; and you can actually see it now. His magic courses through you and your vision clears, bit by bit, until your depth perception steadies and you realise he’s closer than you thought. His jaw is, in fact, clenched.

You move to catch his wrist and manage it this time. “Tom.”

“Don’t argue,” he says thinly.

“You’ll get sick.”

His face is far too neutral for the way his fingers stroke your damp cheek. “Hm. Then it’s a good thing you’d break the law for me too.”

Of course he’s right — you love him. Which makes it a good thing he doesn’t get sick.

Some of the younger children do. The fever comes overnight for a girl who wasn’t in the orphanage last year, and it takes her by the next.

When you get back on the train to Hogwarts, the virus is circulating Britain and you’re livid. 

What Tom said is true; you consider the Trace’s precision and the details of the laws on underage magic — how one of the technicalities is that a young witch or wizard may be absolved of the consequences if the circumstances are life-threatening. You think about how it supposedly doesn’t care about broom-riding or Portkeys or Floo travel, and if the Trace is that complex, surely it understands sickness.

You only wonder if the Ministry would understand it. There haven’t been any epidemics in the wizarding world since Gorsemoor cured dragon pox in the sixteenth century, and when there isn’t healing magic there are antidotes and Pepper-Ups and herbs that muggles simply don’t have. The fatality of a fever of all things is not something you imagine could be comprehended by the sort of people who sent you and Tom back to London in the wake of the Blitz.

Of course, the Ministry hasn't written to you, you haven’t been forced in front of a representative from the Improper Use office, and you have no real reason to be upset.

You are regardless. 

It shouldn’t even be a thought: you immolating into oblivion protesting rescue because one of you might get in trouble for it.

A world you’ve never much cared for is blanketed in ash and its people are dying and you can��t help them. A girl is dead. You’ll return next summer and there will certainly be more.

Life is for the magical, you find. The muggles can burn.

It’s what makes you start to panic this year, knowing you’ve only got one more after it. You have no idea what you’re going to do after school, and it doesn’t help that Tom doesn’t appear to share the sentiment. He’s got Head Boy in the bag and when he isn’t with you he’s with Abraxas, who can surely provide him connections if whatever game Tom is playing at works (and you have no doubt it will), but it’s like you said in third year: that isn’t enough for you.

You remember with a small ache that you no longer means you and him.

And then — it makes sense. You feel incredibly stupid.

“You told him, didn’t you?” you ask Tom the first opportunity you can get him alone, in the glum blue light of the Deathday ballroom on your way back from supper.

He sighs like it’s a conversation he’d hoped to put off for longer. “You’re referring to Abraxas, I presume?”

“You’re referring to — yes, you prick, I’m referring to Abraxas. Of course I’m referring to Abraxas, or are there others? Dolohov and Nott seem unusually enthralled by you, now that I think about it.”

“And for a reason I’m supposed to be aware of, this is an error on my part. Should I be apologising?”

“Why did you tell him, Tom?!”

“Why?” he deadpans.

You throw your hands up. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

“Shall I provide you with my itinerary as well? Would you accompany me as I tour the third-years around Hogsmeade? Or can you do me the favour of trusting me to make my own decisions with the nature of my ancestry?”

“You’re keeping something from me and there’s a reason,” you say, stepping closer to him, “and forgive me if I want to know what it is when you were willing to tell me you’re the Heir of Slytherin and you can talk to snakes. What — what could possibly be bigger than that?”

Tom returns your approach with one of his own. His eyes are steady, dark, thick with lashes and you can’t reminisce on the details of the rest of him because that would be strange for a friend to do. Stranger to do it now, when you’re angry with him and there’s two sleeping ghosts in the corner and he’s framed by deep indigoes like the ripples in the Black Lake and — you’re doing it anyway.

To be short, he’s close, he’s very beautiful, and sometimes you despise him.

“Trust me,” he says again, without the derision of the last time. “This will change things for us.”

You frown, but it’s a weak upset in contrast to the explosion you came in here willing to make. There were at least twenty questions you meant to ask and you only managed one.

You are not his keeper. You know that. 

“Change them for the better, Tom,” you say on a sigh.

He blinks, and you think he’ll respond with a nod or a slightly offended ‘of course’ but he does not. He blinks and he just keeps looking at you. It’s disarming. It probably resembles the way you often look at him. There’s a rationale somewhere; you never see each other anymore, life is so incredibly busy, maybe he’s forgotten what you look like.

And he does nod, finally, but he does it with his thumb brushing the corner of your lip.

What? Sorry. What’s going on?

He pulls it away like he’s heard you. “You had something.”

You’re almost positive you did not.

Transfiguration this year brings Conjuration, which is an advanced and welcome distraction, and even more exciting when you consider no longer having to Vanish things you have no idea how to bring back. Dumbledore’s is one of three N.E.W.T classes you’re taking — Defence Against the Dark Arts and Alchemy besides. It’s easily your favourite.

You share it with eleven other Slytherins and twelve Ravenclaws. Four of them are muggle-born, and it’s hard to describe the ease you feel among them because you don’t think you’ve ever had anything resembling ease with anyone but Tom.

Your schedule is more crammed than it’s ever been, but it’s good. Two of the Ravenclaw girls invite you to Hogsmeade every other weekend, you share butterbeers when you can afford one, you study until you collapse, you take Dumbledore’s extra assignments and consider trying out for Chaser on one of your more restless evenings before waking up in the morning and resolving there is such as thing as too much of a good thing. Best not to get ahead of yourself.

Your contentment is remedied quickly.

Someone is found unresponsive in the dungeons. Dippet makes an announcement at breakfast that the boy isn’t dead, rather, petrified. No one is quite sure the cause, but the Headmaster warns a few minor precautions, suggests a buddy system, and says that after dinner studying should remain in everyone’s respective common rooms rather than the courtyards or library.

You know next to nothing about petrification, but the victim is muggle-born, and you suspect it was the result of a poorly performed statue curse by one of the many blood zealots in your house. The whole thing makes you hold onto your wand a smidge tighter, but you’re adamant not to let it drive you to paranoia like it would have a few years ago.

Tom nods at your theory when you manage to escape to the Black Lake together in November.

“That isn’t unreasonable,” he says. High praise.

You sink into the moss, sighing. “Do you think there’ll be more?”

He looks out onto the lake, the lapping waves, the crystalline beads that furrow them, midnight algae and flotsam you don’t think you belong to anymore.

You peer up at his silhouette in the dark. “Do you think whoever did it will do it again, I mean?”

“I don’t know,” he says finally, and after another pause: “but I don’t think it would be you.”

“How’s that?”

“No one would be senseless enough to try.”

And he sinks beside you with that, breath shaping the cold in steady, rhythmic clouds while yours are scattered. His robes brush yours and you take his arm with a sleepy hum, tracing patterns in the stars until your eyes feel heavy and he insists on taking you back to your dormitories.

One of the Ravenclaw girls, Marigold Wright, distracts you with a spare blue scarf and an invitation to her next Quidditch match. You watch from the stands and cheer as she catches the snitch to beat Gryffindor.

It’s a bit strange — having a distraction — having a friend. Mari is kind, smart, a good study partner who’s as keen on stepping into the advanced theoretics of Human Transfiguration a year early as you are. She’s funny in a vulgar way, introduces you to all her friends, shows you the best way to sneak into the kitchens, and you sometimes wonder if she was sorted wrong, but — her methods are creative, and she’s definitely intelligent. She’s also definitely not Tom.

You see less and less of him and more of her, Dumbledore, the Ravenclaw common room and the pages of progressive Transfiguration methodologies. He sees less of you and more of Abraxas, Dolohov and Nott and all the other purebloods, Slughorn’s soirées and Prefect meetings that cut into meals.

It happens again.

Second floor lavatory. A girl called Myrtle Warren. She isn’t petrified.

There’s a vigil the following week and her parents are there, two muggles whose sobs wrack the Great Hall even as the students clear out. Flowers descend from the charmed ceiling, little bluebells and white chrysanthemums.

You cry that night. You can’t remember the last time you cried.

This time, you don’t have to seek Tom out. He catches you on your way back from Alchemy and brings you to the Deathday ballroom with a melancholy glance in your direction that you don't hesitate to follow. You realise it’s an odd place to continue to end up in, but no one else goes there and you suppose that makes it yours.

You’ve seen Tom skinny and sickly and olive green, but today his eyes are circled with veined violets and the lack of summer sun this year has whittled him grey once more. He’s still beautiful. He’ll always be beautiful. But he’s tired and — sad — and for the six years you’ve known him you aren’t quite sure what to do with that.

You don’t spend too long pondering it. You just hug him with the dawning newness of a thing like that; a thing you’ve never done, and never really thought to do. (You ask yourself in bewilderment how you’ve never thought to do it before.)

He’s warm. He’s uncertain. He doesn’t reciprocate immediately. 

And then he does, and you understand without caveats or concerns that you stopped having a choice in your destruction the moment you chose him. He’s home, and that’s going to ruin you one day.

Your arms tighten around him and his around you, the rhythm of his breath holding you to earth when you begin to float away. Nothing makes sense in this moment but the mercy that in all the death you’ve seen, you swear to God you’ll never see his. As long as you’re alive, he must be too.

And there’s something to be said about the innate self-slaughter of loving a person (of loving Tom Riddle, especially): that it’ll cleave you in two, that you’ll say feeble things in his embrace that you should be above saying, like ‘I’m scared’, that his hand will find the back of your head and he'll tell you he knows, that that should not feel like enough but it will be. You’ll clasp your hands under black robes and hold this singular embrace together by the faulty adhesive of your fingers. Maybe you’ll cry again, like your body can suddenly comprehend its capacity for it and is making up for lost time.

The first sign that something is wrong, more than the obvious grievance of the death itself, is the Ministry’s happy acceptance of Rubeus Hagrid as the culprit.

The boy is maybe fourteen years old, half-blood — half human, mind — and no one has a bad word to say about him other than he likes to keep eccentric pets. Which leads you to wonder what pet he possessed with the ability to petrify one student and kill another and what cause he’d have for it in the first place besides two terrible, miraculous accidents.

That question draws an even stranger path. Mari says over butterbeers (on her, bless her soul) that she read somewhere years ago that Gorgons can induce petrification, but that she doesn’t remember much else.

One of the boys in DADA says that his father’s an auror, and heard from him that Hagrid’s pet was some sort of arachnid. Tom deducts five points from his house after class with a scowl on his pale face, muttering about conspiracy.

The second sign that something is wrong is that only one of those things would need to be true for the entire case on Hagrid to be called into question. If Mari’s memory serves right, how the hell did Hagrid come into ownership of a Gorgon? (Could Gorgons even be owned?) If the auror’s son is worth your credence, then what species of arachnid is capable of petrification?

You take to the library.

Unsure of where to begin and hesitant to draw attention, your research lingers into Christmas break and stalls some of your extracurriculars in Transfiguration. Tom is busy enough not to notice the new step in your routine, and you’re grateful not to have him breathing down your back, telling you you’re looking in the wrong places or you shouldn’t be looking at all.

The third sign is the end. 

You wish to retract it all. There are time-turners and memory charms and potions that could dizzy you enough to manipulate the truth; there is anything but this. You’d suffer the consequences for the bliss of loving him with one more day before the ruin — you’d write it down to remember through the fog: look at him, duel him without wanting to hurt him, kiss him to know that you did it at least once, have him, be had. You never will again.

He’d shown you the adder. He’d joked about the Chamber of Secrets. He’d spent months disappearing with Abraxas, earning the trust of the sons of the Sacred Twenty Eight. 

And he’d killed Myrtle Warren.

So it’s statue curses and Gorgons and Tom — speaking to serpents when no one else can, buttressed by pureblood boys who want people like you dead.

Don’t become like them now that you’re not like me.

He’s something else entirely.

What do you do in a moment like this? Panting into an empty library at a revelation you wish you could unknow, fingers digging into the hickory of your desk — another memory carved among the initials and hearts; how do you stand from your chair and leave like the world outside this room is the same as it was when you entered? There’s nothing to orbit. You are cosmic debris, tea dregs in a barren cup, flotsam.

You stand; and you tell no one. Not even Tom.

His presence in your life is so infrequent that you don’t even have to come up with excuses for your distance until three weeks after your discovery when you’re paired together in DADA to practise stretching jinxes. 

You almost laugh. He’s standing beside you, tall (lanky like he was when he was a boy if you look long enough) and serious, and you love him without knowing who he is anymore. You’ve skirted corners to avoid him and sat with Mari during lunch and breakfast like he’s some scorned lover to escape confrontation from and not someone who held you through a grief inflicted by his hand. 

“You look tired,” he says, inspecting the daisy you’d been tasked to elongate.

You glance at him. You are tired. It’s exhaustive, bone-deep, aching like nothing you’ve ever known, and maybe that’s why you can look at him and smile sadly instead of thrashing against his chest screaming for what he did. You suppose it happens enough in your head to satisfy. When you can sleep, you sleep to the thought of it. The waking moments are just blank.

“Mhm,” you hum, transfiguring the daisy stem back to its regular length.

Tom observes it with curious eyes. “You’re getting good at that.”

“I’ve been good at it.”

His lips turn, a small frown before he puts it away. You make the observation that he’s tired too; there are still bags under his eyes and his hands tremble ever-so-slightly with his wand when he loosens his grip on it.

His own doing and still you flicker with some relentless hope that he's drowning in regret.

“Sorry,” you say. A ridiculous thing. Do you intend to slowly push him from your life with weak disinterest and diverging academic avenues? As if he were something extricable. He’d never let you.

You’ll have to confront him, and that’s a revelation that holds its weight on your chest until you think you'll suffocate under it.

You’re in the blue light of the Deathday ballroom with a face you've never worn before when it happens, deep into spring, and you know then that you were wrong all those years ago.

He sees all of you.

Takes you in in the flash of a second and maybe it’s your quivering jaw that reveals you or the flint of betrayal in your eyes waiting to be struck and lit. Yes, you were wrong — Tom Riddle knows you at every atom too.

“Are you going to let me explain?" he asks before any hello. His jaw is tight but there’s nothing else to go on to judge his disposition. He's settling into impassivity like an animal drawing its shell. You will not be allowed in if you're going to make it hurt, and you might be the only one who can.

“Explain," you copy with a hard exhale, “Just tell me it wasn’t you. That’s all there is to say."

He stares at you. There’s nothing there.

“Tell me, Tom.”

Your breath catches on an automatic please but you don’t want to offer him that.

“I cannot.”

Then make me forget, you want to scream. Let it be summer. Let us work for pennies and breadcrumbs and be no one together.

It’s late winter and it’s too cold.

“You killed her,” you say quietly.

“If I told you I did not wish for it, would you even believe me?”

“What are you… so it was an accident?”

“There was — an opportunity presented itself that may never have come again; that does not mean I don’t find the nature of it regrettable.”

“Regrettable.” You’re laughing or crying or both, and you must look unwell. Halfway out of your mind.

He’s so composed in the face of it that it only makes you more incensed.

“You told me to change things —”

“You killed someone! Can you understand that?”

“You nearly died,” he hisses, “and if I am to apologise for recognizing it only as the first of many times, I will not. If I am to apologise for doing whatever is necessary to prevent it, I will not. The hand we were dealt will not be the hand we die to — so yes, I understand it. And one day so will you.”

“Don't," you spit, and your anger must look pathetic under your welling tears. “Don't you dare tell me that this was for me.”

“Do you want me to lie?”

“What could her death possibly bring me, Tom?”

“Her death is the first step to —”

“God, stop dancing around the fucking question!” Both hands have wound their way to your head, clutching at your skull like the brain matter might spill through one of the cracks he’s wearing down. “Just… tell me.”

“You recall Godelot's work," he says stiffly. The question of it takes you by surprise, peels the moment back like the rim of a fruit and you're left uncertain.

All you can do is nod, arms falling to cross over your chest.

“There was one form of magic he refused quite concisely to impart. I searched the Restricted Section for days, and under Dumbledore's watch that was not an easy thing to do."

You stole from him, you're urged to remind him, but it's something you'd say with a nudge of annoyance and a roll of your eyes. Such admonishment is small and far away.

“I found it at last in one of the repositories," he goes on, “Secrets of the Darkest Art."

“...What?"

“It's called a Horcrux,” he says. “Murder, by nature, splits the soul. The Horcrux simply makes use of the act; puts the soul fragment into something imperishable so that it is protected, rather than abandoned. In turn, your life cannot be taken. By malady, by magic, by sword — the vessel is destroyed but the soul lives on.”

You blink, feeling dizzy. “Myrtle was the sacrifice.”

“Myrtle was there,” Tom remedies.

“How lucky for you.”

“The circumstances could be ameliorated if one were to be made for you. I would have preferred it be someone who deserves it.”

“For — you’d do it again? Again, Tom?”

His brows crease, and even his upset seems contrived. There’s this barricade he’s placed that you, in all your infallible knowing of him, cannot puncture. It’s agony to begin to question what he could possibly be keeping from you in a confession like this.

“You killed someone, Tom. You — I would never ask you to do that. I would never live at the cost of someone else."

“No, you would not,” he agrees, though he shakes his head like it’s incredulous of you. “Do you think, even if I knew it were certain,  a summons from the Ministry would have stopped me from saving you this summer? Do you suppose the threat of punishment would cause me to waver at that moment? I know it would not hinder you. So, you have your lines and I have mine — you never needed to ask.”

And now it hurts. The emptiness clears and you can't stand yourself for crying, but you do. It comes out in ragged, breathless sobs, clasped behind your palm as you turn away from him. 

You've loved him since you were eleven. It's always been you two — it was always supposed to be you two. What is there to say to him? He's blurring in your periphery like in the midst of your sickness, and there's nothing he can do to heal you this time. Your vision will clear and Myrtle Warren will still be dead. He'll still be a stranger in the face of the boy you love. 

“Why," you whine, a wet, hollow stain in your voice you've never cried enough to hear before. “Myrtle was — wasn't — uh —" You swallow, hysterics severing your words. You can't really think right now. Your body wobbles and your head feels puffy and hot. This might be shock. 

Tom scowls like it irritates him to watch you push yourself, like this is just the unfortunate effect of you depleting your energy in a duel, not eating correctly, treating yourself carelessly. 

Of course you can't stand or talk or think. You're you, contemplating a life without him.

“Sit," he says in frustration. You smack his hand away when he reaches for you, but the world has turned a shade darker and you're slipping into it. 

He tugs a chair towards you with a silent charge and a reprimand, and your body doesn’t possess the wherewithal not to collapse into it the second it’s under you.

After a moment you can speak again, shaking hands steadied by your knees. “Did you… did you think I wouldn't find out? You know, the only thing that can petrify someone besides a serpent is a Gorgon. And — where would Rubeus Hagrid have found one of those?"

“I thought I would have time.”

“To come up with a good lie? Something I’d sympathise with?”

He bites his cheek. “Evidently the particulars matter little to you.”

Fuck him. “Fuck you.”

“Very cogent.”

“No, fuck you, Tom. We could have — we only had a year left and then we could — we could've done anything we wanted." You're crying again. You don't have the energy to be embarrassed. “And you chose this."

He’s indignant as he steps closer. “With what money? For what life? We are better than all of them and it’s never mattered. It never will; you know that. You told me that. You’re angry now, but you must know the truth of it. I would not forsake you. I would not lose you.”

You blink up at him, mouth stuck with some cottony feeling and cheeks stiff from crying.

“You have lost me, Tom."

He stills as if suspended. Some maceration must follow but it doesn’t.

You stand on weak legs to look him in the eyes. You wonder if he can see the love in yours. You wonder if he knows you will walk away despite it. (Of course he does. You’ve never lied to him.) 

You think about how his fingers seem to always find their way to your cheek and you put yours to his. The bone there is sharp, but the skin is soft. Boyish. 

There isn't a word for a goodbye like this. It shouldn't exist and so it doesn't. You just leave.

You fail your N.E.W.T courses. Quite spectacularly.

Mari sits beside you on the train with a soothing hand on your shoulder, and doesn’t ask what’s rendered you into a comatose husk since March. There’s no crying. You chew numbly on soft caramels from the trolley and stare out the window onto the hills.

That summer is spent in your bedroom unless you’re forced elsewhere. A new girl with skin so white it’s nearly translucent sleeps in the bed beside yours, taking meals on trays like you did in your first days here, tracing the cracks in the tiles, humming to herself in the dark. She makes you feel less pathetic for doing much the same. 

You’d been right in your assumption that there would be more dead upon your return, and wrong that there would be more empty rooms. There are always more orphans being made.

And then you receive a letter. It isn’t delivered by owl (only for secrecy, you assume, because there are no muggles who’d be writing to you) but it’s stamped with a vaguely familiar crest. Not Hogwarts’ waxen seal, but something undoubtedly magical. A cockroach and a cup, you think, squinting. Transfiguration.

You tear the envelope open and pull the letter out.

It’s from Dumbledore. Some of it melds together, but the key words stand out.

Spoken to Dippet… Exceptional promise… N.E.W.Ts… May be reconsidered… Upon dispensation… Be well.

Be well.

You are not. You are something half-drowned and half-burned, never enough of one to quell the effects of the other. Sunlight is sparse through your side of the orphanage. On the radio, they warn a pattern of one bomb every second hour. The only other warning is the sound when they fly overhead, and if you can’t run fast enough —

You write your answer in a crowded tube station with a spotty ballpoint pen. Tom is there, looking between you, the dust, and your shaking hands as if to say: tell me I was wrong.

Some of your letter melds together but the key words stand out.

Thank you, Sir. Whatever you need.

It’s a shock that you live to seventh year. It’s a shock that you do it without him — though he watches, and in his gaze you feel regressed. You’re alive, yes, but there’s something there… his dead weight, death-grip; his haunting. They always speak of the dead as something heavy. Something that holds onto you even after it’s gone.

You find that to be true.

Dippet’s condition that you remain in Dumbledore’s N.E.W.T class is that you achieve more than the standard requirement. Essentially, your final exam will be much harder than everyone else's: Human Transfiguration, mastery of petty Transformation (through the means of Wizard’s Chess pieces), Conjuration and Vanishment of various delicate objects — all done nonverbally.

Even Dumbledore seems sceptical, but it translates to more rigorous practise rather than resignation, assignments he doesn’t even task to Mari, though she’s just as good, and you can’t begin to understand why he cares so much. 

“I’ll entrust you with these while I’m away,” he says before Christmas break, sliding a sheet of parchment your way with a flick of his wand.

You frown, unfolding it. His instructions are always short now — you’ve learned to decode his meaning well enough without much exposition. 

Teacup to gerbil — to cat, and inverse.

Inanimatus Conjurus spell (cockroach and cup, as instructed) to be Vanished when perfected.

Study Antar’s Doctrine. Miss Wright will act as your partner.

Due February.

It’s far too much to be done in that time. “Sir?”

Dumbledore lugs a messenger bag over his shoulder that appears small, but he carries it in such a way you suspect it’s magically extended. He smiles wistfully, pushing his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. “You know, I often regret how much this war asks of me. A consequence of my own doing.”

Right — Grindelwald. Sometimes you forget between awaiting the next muggle paper. War is everywhere.

You nod. “I hope… Good luck, Sir.”

Another half-smile as he twists open a jar of Floo Powder, and then he shakes his head with something you almost decipher as amusement. A brittle sort. Tired. “Good luck to you.”

And then he’s gone, in a swath of green flames that do nothing to inspire any desire for Floo travel in you.

Antar’s Doctrine is simultaneously prosaic and grandiose. They read like excerpts of a journal and you yawn into them over your morning tea, stirring amongst the first-years, who are the only people at the Slytherin table you can stand to sit with. Your blood status is apparently nullified by your age, and the worst they do is look at you funny. You aren’t sure what Abraxas’s — Tom’s (the new hierarchy never fails to stagger you) — lackeys would do if you sat with the other seventh-years instead. A part of you longs to know. They certainly don’t bother you in class the way they used to, you aren’t tripped in the corridors, but you wonder how far Tom’s influence can stretch. He is the Heir of Slytherin, and he’s earned them. But you are nothing.

You’d like it if he would let them hurt you. You think the incentive would be enough to hurt him back. And God — God, you want to. You want to hurt him almost as much as you want him.

You practise through the doctrine with Mari, as Dumbledore directed. When you’re able to sever Antar’s egotism from his abilities, you can see why Dumbledore would recommend his book to you. It feels like slipping through a crack in glass without shattering the whole thing. You weave in and back out, and Mari grins when she returns from the shape of a teapot to her body without you needing to utter a word to do it.

In the back of your mind, you’re aware what you’re doing is nearly unprecedented. It’s spring, you’re months away from eighteen, muggle-born, and mastering nonverbal Human Transfiguration like it’s a Softening Charm. Mari tells you you’re the smartest person she’s ever met. It makes your cheeks go hot to hear such open praise, worse when you snap out of the thought that you believe her.

Grindelwald falls. The school celebrates in whispers until the evidence is in front of them — Dumbledore, returned without a scar, a new wand in his hand — and then they’re cheers. The feast that night is a great one, and he toasts to you from the end of the staff table, a discreet tilt of his cup before he takes a sip and returns to converse with Professor Merrythought.

You take from your own, and your eyes land on Tom, spine of his goblet tight in his hand. He’s looking at you like you’ve affronted him somehow. You could laugh — by choosing Dumbledore. Of course. As if it was a choice at all.

But if it bothers him… if it feels anything at all like the betrayal you felt, then — good.

You drink, and don’t look away.

By the time your N.E.W.T.s arrive you have a renewed confidence that you’ll succeed, even with the obstacle of performing each exam wordlessly.

There are only twelve students who came out of your sixth year class, so to divide resources for the tests is no grand task. You’re given a Wizard’s Chess set, a desk with assorted vases and goblets, an intricate epergne (you had to whisper to Mari to learn its name), and a Ministry worker borrowed like some laboratory mouse. You suppose it makes sense, though — you’re all capable enough of Human Transfiguration not to mutilate anyone, and performing on a classmate could obfuscate the results. It’s far easier to Transfigure someone you know than someone you don’t.

You start with the chess set, Dumbledore and the Ministry worker observing you as you turn pawns to knights and rooks to kings, the minutiae of the pieces drawing sweat to your brow. They change, and change, and change, and you don’t mutter an incantation once. The Ministry worker puts the set away and directs you to the glass. You Switch the vases with the goblets, Vanish them, and Conjure them again. The Ministry worker takes notes. Dumbledore nods affirmatively at you and you can exhale. The epergne is the hardest; so kitschy and elaborate you don’t know where to start when you’re tasked to Transform it into an animal. 

An animal — like that isn’t the vaguest instruction you’ve ever received.

You look at it on the desk, mirrors and glass and gold on protracted arms, and you go for the first thing you think of because the Ministry worker is staring at you like you’re inept and you see it in his eyes — this is the muggle-born one, this one can’t do it. 

You’re better than them. You can do it forever.

The epergne spins at the dip of your wand, and emerges more than an animal. A big glass tank appears in its place, round and gold-rimmed, water lapping at the sides. Inside it is a jellyfish. Emerald green, bobbing, tentacles and oral arms coiling against the glass like the limbs of the epergne had spanned its centre.

The Ministry worker swallows. Dumbledore smiles.

“And — and back?” the worker says, like that will be the thing that stops you.

You point again, mouth tight with irritation, and reverse the Transformation. A droplet of water smacks your face and you’re lucky to be so hot you can disguise it as sweat. You suspect even an error that small would cost you a mark.

You wipe it away. A strange thing happens; you imagine Tom brushing the water from your cheek at the Black Lake. You imagine his fingers in the rain.

The Ministry worker steps closer with a shameless frown. He tells you to turn his hair red. You do. He regards himself in the mirror and scribbles something down. He tells you to turn it back. You do. To grow him a beard, to change his clothes, to make him taller, shorter, this and that — all read from a list he does not appear enthused to recite. You do it all.

He shakes Dumbledore’s hand when it’s done, duplicates his notes for him to keep, and follows the other Ministry workers through the fireplace when everyone’s exams are finished.

You find out you’ve passed with an Outstanding on your birthday.

Mari drags you to the Three Broomsticks to celebrate, butterbeers on her. (They always are.)

“Can’t believe we’re about to graduate,” she says into her cup, froth on her upper lip.

You sigh into your own, partially giddy and mostly nervous.

Mari squeezes your face between her thumb and finger so your frown is puckered. “Chin up, genius. You’ll be excellent.”

You push her hand away but can’t help a small smile. “Outstanding,” you correct.

“Outstanding!” She bursts out laughing. “Bloody ego on you now…”

“Well, I am the smartest person you know.”

“I take that back.”

She pushes out of her chair with a slightly inebriated wobble. “Going to the loo. Don’t touch my chips.”

Your hands raise in surrender, and you steal only one when she’s gone.

You aren’t the only ones here to celebrate. (Your birthday and your mutual achievement, yes, but the Three Broomsticks is filled wall-to-wall with seventh years drinking their final nights at school away.) There’s music charmed to reach every corner, even yours at the little alcove hidden from plain sight. It’s nice to watch from here — the stumbling, the kisses meant for mouths that land drunkenly on cheeks and noses, the barkeeps that roll their eyes as soon as they turn away from all the newly adult customers, not yet learned or careless in their drinking manners.

It is not nice to be occluded from plain sight in such a way that you don’t notice Tom Riddle until he’s inches away from your table. It is not nice that no one else notices either.

On instinct you don’t make any impressive exit. He slides into the booth next to you and your brain short circuits for a moment at the warm familiarity of his presence beside you. Then it occurs that it’s been more than a year since this was remotely commonplace — that you cannot forget the reason why.

There’s not much time to decide whether you want to be vicious or indifferent or to debate on past precedent which would bother him more. You haven’t attacked him despite being concealed enough to do it unnoticed, and you haven’t shoved furiously out of the other side of the booth.

Indifferent it is. 

“Can I help you?”

“You’re causing quite the stir,” he says, taking one of Mari’s chips.

You’re allowed. It’s infuriating when he does it.

“Am I?”

“It’s enough to fail a N.E.W.T level class and be expressly petitioned back, but to have a special criteria set for your exams and manage an O on top of it all…” He inclines his head as if to appreciate your face so close after so long. You should not let him. “You are incomprehensible. It terrifies them.”

“They’re afraid of the wrong mudblood, then, aren’t they?”

Indifference effaced. You’re angry.

He seems to have come prepared, and shrugs your scorn off like a scarf you would have forced him to wear winters ago. “Of course, they have no reason to suspect Dumbledore might have ulterior motives.”

Ulterior — you certainly hope he isn’t suggesting this is based on anything but your merit, but then — you couldn’t begin to understand why Dumbledore cared so much, could you? You’d made brief inspections of his disdain for Tom in second year, his waning shades of kindness and the matter of his stolen encyclopaedia, but you hadn’t… you hadn’t thought at all about how his dedication to your progress only begun after you’d stopped sharing a class with Tom, how it had developed as you began to drift from one another in fifth year and accelerated in sixth after the first petrification and Myrtle’s death. How Tom had worn you down with a weighted glare at Dumbledore’s little toast.

It wasn’t because you had chosen Dumbledore, you realise. It was because Dumbledore had chosen you.

“Why don’t you worry about your pets, Riddle?” you snarl, “I’m sure there are bigger problems with your lot than my exam results.”

Something in his face shifts at the name. You swell with distorted pride.

He mends the reaction by looking you over in more detail, his features schooled into something he must know you can’t deduce. You try not to squirm under the intensity of it.

He reaches almost mindlessly for your collar (there is nothing mindless about it, you’re sure) and smooths the fabric gently with his fingers. “I always liked you in this colour.”

You blink. His thumb just barely brushes against the skin of your neck before retreating, and your mouth falls open.

“Don’t do that,” you say. Truly a sad attempt. Your repulsion is more with yourself than him, and that’s not at all right.

Where is Mari?

“Your friend was at the bar, last I saw her.”

You stare at him with wild eyes. How the hell — ?

“You were always easy to read,” he supplies, and leans in so you can follow his line of sight to the tiniest sliver of the bar visible between two columns, where Mari looks deeply engaged in conversation with Leo Ndiaye, one of the Gryffindor Chasers.

You take a sharp, exasperated breath at her antics. She might be more in love with the competition than the boy himself. They’d never last without Quidditch to bind them, but you can’t fault her for wanting a bit of fun.

“Well then —” 

Right. Tom hasn’t actually moved away. You turn and his face is just there.

His eyes dart forthwith to your mouth, and — no. No, he won’t be doing that and neither will you.

“...I’m off to bed.” Stop talking to him like he’s your friend, you think miserably. Stop looking at him like he’s your —

“That would be wise.”

He’s still looking at your lips.

No one else is looking at you at all.

It could exist in just this moment, you deliberate; separate from everything else.

Except nothing about Tom exists in its own moment. He’s all over you all the time, skin and bone and soul. You hope you still have a place in the broken fragments of his.

“So I’ll be going now,” you say again.

“I haven’t protested.”

But he’s leaning in, and he has to know that’s impedance enough.

“But you will.”

His lips touch yours. “Yes, I will.”

You grab him by his shirt and you’re kissing him. You’re kissing each other like either of you know what the hell it means to kiss anyone, but you’ve learned the rest together, haven’t you? Your noses bump and you don’t care. You just need to kiss him, and — God, you make some noise against his mouth and the hand cupping your face spreads to capture more of you, greedy and wayward — he needs to kiss you too. It’s a horrible thing to know. It leads you to pose too many questions.

The need must have begun as want, and when did the want begin? How long has he looked at you and wondered what you’d feel like to kiss, touch, mark? (He’ll never have the latter. You swear that.)

You’re pulling away in intervals. “You don’t have me, you know.”

“I know,” he responds, lips on the corner of yours.

“You still lost me.”

“I know.”

“I hate you.”

He pauses for a moment. “I know.”

You kiss him again. Long and soft, memorising his cupid’s bow and the tip of his tongue, and when one of his hands moves to your waist you part from him like you’ve been burned.

“I —” You resist the urge to touch a finger to your lips, standing abruptly from the table and adjusting your shirt. Your body feels like an evolutionarily faulty vessel, too easy to please, though you can’t imagine it responding to anyone else this way. Or perhaps your mind is the problem. Not wired well enough to resist an evidently bad thing. “Goodnight, Tom.”

You thought there wasn’t a word for your goodbye, but that’s it. So simple it sinks you. Goodnight, Tom. I’ll dream of a morning where I wake up beside you, but you won’t be there.

He grabs your hand before you can go, licking his lips and it haunts you to think he’s savouring you. It stings a place deep in your chest you’d spent all year trying to heal.

“My door is always open,” he says.

He lets you go.

You graduate with Mari’s hand in yours, and you aren’t afraid.

Dumbledore requests that you stay for the summer to help him prepare for the first year’s curriculum in the fall. It’s a ridiculous opportunity for someone your age — free lodgings and a stellar impression on your resume, and — you can only accept it with an ire you haven’t felt since the spread of influenza in muggle Britain.

If he’s offering you lodgings now, he could have done it all along.

It sends you down a horrible train of thought while you move your things from the Slytherin dormitories to a little chamber a few doors down from the staff room; Tom will be removed from Wool’s this year. Will he stay at Malfoy Manor? But Tom is still publicly muggle-born — Abraxas’s parents would never allow it. Will he find a job, a flat? Will he swindle muggles once he turns eighteen and the Trace is no longer an obstruction?

You think of him often. You think of his offer.

My door is always open.

Plenty of doors are open to you now. Why should you want to go back to his?

Still, the Second World War ends in November and you feel like you can breathe at a depth you never could before. The school doesn’t celebrate like it did with Grindelwald. No one but you seems to care at all.

It’s a tempting door.

The year passes in a blur of graded papers and lessons Dumbledore sometimes involves you in and sometimes does not. Most of the first-years care little for you, but there are two Slytherin muggle-borns who look at you like a new sun to orbit. Everything is worth it for that.

You see Mari when you can, and find she’s training with the Italian Quidditch team, who apparently are smart enough to care more about skill than blood. She says she misses the complexities of Transfiguration, but any career in it was always going to be yours. Smartest person she knows, she reiterates. Biggest ego too.

The next summer Dumbledore informs you of a posting at the Ministry. Something small with a smaller wage. He emphasises the weight of his personal recommendation, but that you won’t be respected unless you claw tooth and nail for it. You don’t take long to consider a chance to make an actual income with an actual career doing something muggle-borns simply don’t do before you’re nodding assuredly and asking him what you need.

Better clothes are first, and all you can afford until further notice. You take to Gladrags with intent to purchase for the first time in your five years of wandering in the shop with eyes bigger than your wallet, and the owner looks at you with distrust when you slide her your sickles.

The Ministry job is truly, infinitesimally, insignificant. 

It’s far down in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. You’re a glorified secretary, and you recall the few times you’d worked as a mail-sorter during the war. It’s some sick irony that you’ve landed yourself in a pile of paper once more.

But the money, though offensively scant to someone with better options (and it’s infuriating the options you deserve), is more than you’ve ever had, and within the next year you’re able to leave the castle and take a cheap room at an inn in Hogsmeade. You’re close enough to Dumbledore to aid him when he needs you, but far enough to feel like your school days are departed, and you need not worry about memories lurching unexpectedly at every corridor. 

A sick part of you still reaches for your mouth sometimes to remember what it felt like to be kissed. That part of you wishes for Tom. You could kiss him into oblivion. You could find a way to make it hurt him back.

My door is always open.

Then you’ll slam it bloody closed.

Mari invites you to her first professional game and you cheer for her in the stands, a green, white, and red scarf around your neck in place of her old blue.

She wins and you get drinks in a muggle pub. You kiss a man at the bar. You go home with him. His hair is dark, but not dark enough. His lips are soft, but the shape is wrong. He makes you feel good, but you wonder if in another life, the dream is true; you roll over in the morning to Tom beside you, and he makes you feel better.

When you can find time between the monotonous demands of your job, you’re in the Transfiguration classroom, staying behind to help the Slytherin muggle-borns with their Switching spells.

It’s one stupid accident the next fall that changes things.

A muggle bank has been robbed, and whatever idiotic, panicked witch or wizard was behind it apparently found themselves incapable of getting the deed done with a simple Imperius Curse (you can’t imagine, based on the scene, that they’re above Unforgivables), and somehow ended up leaving the building half-charred and teeming with at least six bank tellers Transformed into birds, two chirping into the floor tiles with broken wings.

“Renauld’s on it, though,” your coworker says when the news finds your department.

“Renauld?”

He’s a year older than you, a pureblood with parents in high places, and endlessly fucking hopeless.

“Well, yeah —”

You push out from your desk, files fluttering behind you. “Renauld will expose the whole damn wizarding world if he touches that building.”

“But McCormack sent him.”

“Where is it?”

“I… McCormack said that —”

“Where is it, Flack?”

“Um. Um, near King William, I think. Moorgate or, um —”

That’s good enough. You toss the Floo Powder into the fireplace and go.

The place is a mess. You don’t even have to look for it. There’s some ward around the street, bouncing muggles away like an invisible end to a map they don’t even register is there. At least that’s handled right.

But you slip through it and curse under your breath at the muggles trapped inside the wards. They’re like fish prodding at the dome of their bowl, and some run up to you demanding explanations when they see you unaffected by it. You brush them off — Obliviation is not your strong-suit — though you do shout at a pair of DMAC wizards uselessly standing guard outside the bank.

“What the hell are you doing?” you ask on approach. “Renauld’s supposed to handle the inside, yeah? You deal with fixing them.”

You point toward the frantic muggles, and the officials just regard you with vague confusion at your presence. “Renauld said —”

“Oh my God! Fix. The muggles.”

You afford nothing else before pushing past them to enter the bank.

It’s quite impressive, actually; Renauld, the result of generations of foolproof breeding, is waving his wand around like he’s just stepped out of Olivanders for the first time.

“Heal their wings,” you say without greeting.

Renauld jumps. “What? What are you doing here?”

“Heal their damn wings. They’re easier than human limbs and healing magic’s the only thing you aren’t completely shit at.”

“Who authorised you?” he hisses.

“I did.”

In hindsight, it should have gone horrifically wrong. Your wand could have been taken and your life might have been over in all ways that matter, flung back into the muggle world where you’ve always been told you belong.

But Renauld vouches for you. You Transform the walls, you fix the burns, you mend the bank to something presentable. A muggle robbery — dangerous, financially tragic, but believable. And your suggestion to heal the injured bank tellers in their animal forms might be the thing that saved them. When Renauld mends their wings and regenerates their blood, you Untransfigure them, and the other DMAC officials alter their memories with haste.

You were completely out of line and utterly right.

It isn’t something people like you are allotted.

Your probation period is dreadful. You hide in your room at the inn most days, Vanishing little stained panes on your window to feel the warm breeze of air before you Conjure them again. You help grade papers, though Dumbledore is displeased with you and the night is a silent one. He assures you curtly that he’s doing his best with the Ministry to amend this.

And… he does.

With Renauld’s help and the corroboration of the other DMAC officials, you’re back at work by the start of the school year.

It’s a slow process — almost eight months of meaningless paperwork — before the next incident occurs and you’re hectically ushered to the scene like a belated understudy. And then it happens again. And again. And again.

There’s really no choice but to promote you.

Your heroics are torn from a Gryffindor cloth, so says Flack. You urge him never to say such a thing again.

By your twenty-first birthday, you think about Tom almost exclusively in your sleep. You’re much too busy to think about him anywhere else.

The summer is warm and Hogsmeade is lively. You’ve vacated your room at the inn for a little house on the outskirts of the village, decorating it how you like — discovering what you like. You’d never had a chance to find out before.

Mari visits when she can once you have your fireplace connected to the Floo Network (you yourself prefer Apparating) but her name is slowly working its way from the Italian papers to the British ones, and she has so much to tell you there isn’t possibly enough time in her days to tell it. There’s also the matter of Leo Ndiaye, who has, recently, gotten on one knee and proposed to her. If there had been a bet on them ending up together, you would have been out enough galleons to put you in debt.

After especially gruesome days at work, you and a few colleagues make a habit of getting sherries at the Siren’s Tail, complaining that sometimes the nature of your work is akin to an auror’s but without the notoriety and pay.

“Oh, please,” says Emilia Alves, twirling her straw, “have you seen the shit the aurors are up to lately? I’d rather be a blimmin’ Unspeakable.”

“You’d have to be able to keep your mouth shut for that, Alves.”

Emilia punches Renauld in the arm.

“What are the aurors up to?” Flack asks.

“I dunno much. There was a murder all the way in Albania, s’posedly. Reeked of dark magic.”

“Nothing new,” you join, and then frown. “Why’s our Ministry dealing with it though?”

“I dunno. I got word from Hillicker that the Albanians didn’t know what to make of the mess. They’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Hillicker’s not a source,” Renauld scoffs.

“Yeah? Why don’t you ask your daddy for something better?”

“Alves, I’ll have you know —”

You lean in over the counter. “What do you mean they’ve never seen anything like it?”

She grins. “Why? Storming a bank robbery wasn’t exciting enough for you?”

You roll your eyes, taking a drink.

That ought to be the end of it. One extraordinarily lucky incident to push you up the career ladder was rare enough — there is absolutely no way digging around a case that has nothing to do with you or your department could ever end well.

But something about it itches.

You make nice with Hillicker. She’s a year younger than you and far too kind for her own good, and she gushes freely about her husband’s work as an auror (they must be a perfect match for him to gush freely about it with her). It’s a bit manipulative. You have no excellent excuse for it, but… ambition, and all that, you suppose. Flack’s Gryffindor theory is studded with holes.

You are green, through and through.

Emilia’s updates are meaningless when you garner so much information that you’ve already heard everything she has to say over drinks, and at this point her and Hillicker might be a step behind you. Emilia still only knows about Albania; peppery little details of half a story. Hillicker discusses an assortment of murders with no real string between them, and Dumbledore regards you with cool heeding when you bring up the matter with him.

You see him little nowadays but you’ve never been close in any true sense, traces of resentment budding over the years like rainwater collects on glass until the stream finally slips.

You visit Hogwarts mostly for your Slytherins, fourteen or fifteen now, unafraid of the distinction of their blood.

And then there’s one night after you turn twenty-two where drinks take place at yours for a change, Mari and Leo included and happily wed. You have no sherries but your ale is just as well, and it’s only you and Renauld who are sober by the time everyone else is vanishing into the fireplace and going home.

That makes it much worse when you sleep together. 

There’s no excuse of having had a glass too many — so sorry, I’ll be on my way then, and him stumbling over his trousers to get out of your hair. Of course, he does that anyway, scratching the nape of his neck when he reaches your doorway in the morning.

“Thanks for the — well, you have a nice home — I do think I should —”

“Yes.”

“Right.”

“Oh!” He turns around at the last second. “Er — I know you’ve become a tad obsessed with… Hillicker mentioned another, anyway. Hepzibah something. Killed by her own elf, the aurors suspect.”

“Oh,” you echo, sheets pulled up to your shoulders. “Thanks, Renauld.”

“I thought you might like to know. Don’t be daft about it.”

You’re incredibly daft about it.

There’s something reminiscent about Albania in this case that wasn’t there with the others. The tide of dark magic ebbing across the scene, the cherry-picked information released in the Prophet, the claim of an old, dumb House Elf who poisoned her mistress like the Albanian peasant killed in some insoluble accident. 

The itch exacerbates.

You see him in your dreams again. He peers over Runes in a stolen encyclopaedia, he whispers to an adder on his shoulder, he kisses the corner of your mouth and it isn’t enough. He kills you, again and again. You kill him too.

You wake up and he isn’t there.

It’s a new low when you’re invited to the Hillicker’s anniversary dinner and you end up digging through the drawers of their study halfway through the night.

The Albania file offers nearly nothing. There was the charred residue of dark magic imprinted on a hollow tree in the fields of the peasant’s hamlet, but nothing detailing more than a blank imprint of the Killing Curse in his eyes. Still, you tuck the knowledge away for the file of one Hebzibah Smith, whose tea did indeed have traces of poison, but whose den was also ripe with a layer of darkness that didn’t line up with the Ministry’s tale of senile elf.

And then there’s the forgotten matter of her being a purveyor of ancestral artefacts. The file doesn’t recount whether any are missing, since the woman was wise enough not to proclaim all her possessions to the world, but it’s something. A scratch.

You travel to Albania that Christmas. The neighbours in the peasant’s hamlet have skewed memories, so they provide little help, but the man’s house was left almost untouched.

You tear the place apart and Transfigure it back together when you’re done.

All you find, in the end, is a scrap of an old envelope in a suitcase.

R.R

It could be that it’s old. The cursive seems ancient enough. But you swear the letters have the distinct shape of quill ink — too artful for any pen — and maybe that wouldn’t matter if it weren’t for half a wax seal stuck to the torn edge of the envelope. Stained but silver, the barest hint of two ribbons, a crest, and the letter H.

You return to Hogwarts posthaste.

It’s snowing in the courtyards and you waddle with a duotang under one arm to pretend you’re here for something scholarly, an array of excuses prepared in case you run into Dumbledore, but you don’t.

The Grey Lady is as beautiful as she’s rumoured to be. 

You ask her about her mother, and she’s silent, an expression on her face like you’ve struck her.

“Is it found?” she whispers. The snow floats through her.

Your heart hammers as you consider how to approach this. She thinks you know more than you do, which means there’s something to know.

“Yes,” you say. And you dare further with the context you know, “In Albania.”

“Oh,” she hums. “Oh…”

And if she means to say more she doesn’t seem able, washing away through the balusters, then the walls. You think of your house ghost and what he did to her, and you feel sorry for a second.

Madam Palles expels you from the library the moment you find what you’re looking for, and you rush past a throng of staring students to the staff room fireplace. It’s too far a walk to the border of the castle wards to Apparate. You bite back the preemptive sickness, get swallowed by the flames, and go home.

There are blanks to fill in but you do it easily. Rowena Ravenclaw’s diadem. Hepzibah Smith and her assortment of unregistered artefacts. The stain of dark magic. Something so rare not even the aurors recognized it.

But you do, because he told you.

You wonder on your search to find him what object he used when he killed Myrtle Warren. Nothing special, you think — maybe even the closest thing he could find. These murders involved more preparation. He got to mark them however he wanted.

It’s almost disappointing to find him here. In a little flat over Knockturn Alley with a view of charmed coalsmoke and the brick wall of another shop. 

It’s as tidy as his room at Wool’s, the only dirt the irremediable age of the building itself. The whole place looks almost slanted, large enough only for the bare necessities; a kitchen, a toilet, a bedroom that looks more like a closet, and a study/dining room/den you can’t imagine he hosts many gatherings in. You rescind the mere thought. Whatever gatherings Tom Riddle is having these days, you’re sure you can’t begin to imagine at all.

You wait, legs crossed on an old loveseat, fiddling with your wand.

The door clicks open when the snow has turned to hail and there’s no light but the few scattered candles you’d lit on the mantelpiece. 

It strikes you only when he’s standing before you that it’s his birthday.

You’re in Tom Riddle’s flat, on his birthday, adorned by the orange glow of half-melted candles, and you know everything.

He eyes you carefully, a hint of surprise at the sight of you after four years that even he needs a second to recover from. And then he's even, inscrutable Riddle again, and you dare to think, come back.

“I placed wards," he says, hanging his bag on a rack by the wall.

“I thought your door was always open.”

You see his posture change from just his silhouette.

“Wards never work in Knockturn,” you offer additionally, “not really. There's too much conflicting magic; one border cuts into another; leaves a little sliver behind if you’re smart enough to find it. You should know that." 

He turns to you. You take in a moment to acknowledge how he's changed. It's hard to see in the curtained moonlight, and it seems unreasonable to imagine he’s grown, but you think he has. An inch taller, perhaps. Two. Maybe the dress shoes. His arms are bigger under his button-down, but not enough to consider him muscular. His black hair isn't as perfect as you remember, and you suspect a long day of work undoes his curls. You always liked him better that way in school, after a night duel at the Black Lake, his robes askew and his hair a mess. Evidence that you were the only one to dishevel him. Now you were — what? Did he even think of you anymore? Yes. You'd always think of each other.

“Duly noted. What are you here for?” He tries your surname like a foreign language.

You cross your arms, and you're acutely aware that he's observing your changes too. You're not the matchstick witch he once knew. Your emotions are cultured now, taut to mirror his. You wear dull, formal grey, and that glowing green tinge that should be gleaming on you is under a thick carapace. That’s for Mari, Flack, Emilia — even Renauld. Not for Tom.

You wonder if he knows it was Dumbledore who put in the word that got you this uniform. You wonder if he resents you for it.

“There’s been talk at the Ministry," you say finally, “A string of murders. Whispers of something — some dark magic they don’t understand. And you know they're careful about things like that after Grindelwald."

“A string of murders... Hm. That might imply you understand a connective thread. Is there some sort of accusation being made?”

“Oh, I'm sure you'd be flattered by accusations. There’s not enough there, as it stands. Just whispers." You sink more comfortably in the seat and the springs make a concerning sound. “But I know you."

His hard, sharp gaze falters for a moment. You watch the flames dance behind him, the firelight playing against the lines of his shoulders, and feel your heart skip a beat. “Who else is speculating?"

“No one." Your fingers brush over the book spines on the coffee table. “I guess their attention hasn't been drawn to a book clerk yet, even if you have taken residency... here." You say it with no shortage of disapproval. 

Knockturn was never where Tom belonged. You'd once imagined a flat together in muggle London, taking the telephone booth to the Ministry together, changing the world together. It's a wish that's a lifetime away now.

“Is this a warning? I assure you, I don’t need the condescension.”

“I'm not warning you," you scoff, “I — I'm seeing you. God knows I'll probably never get the chance to do that again once you get yourself locked up in Azkaban, which you will." 

You sound exasperated. You sound half-pleading. “What are you doing, Tom? Is this — this is really what you want?"

“Yes."

You shake your head. “I don't believe that." And then some of that fiery spit returns to you, and you feel like a child again, stuck in the London tube stations holding his hand at every plane that flew overhead, scowling that you needed his reassurance. Scowling that you were afraid.

“Well, your conjecture is ever-appreciated. Shall I lend you mine? Shall I congratulate you on your revolutionary position at the Ministry? Or is it Dumbledore I should afford my thanks?”

“I earned this,” you hiss.

“You deserve it,” he amends. “But do not lie to yourself and pretend that’s why you have it.”

“Fuck you.”

He smiles. “There you are.”

“I don’t need your congratulations, Riddle. Dumbledore doesn’t need your damn thanks. But,” you say, biting back the snarl that wants out, “you could thank me. After all, I could turn to the Ministry any minute with the truth of your heritage. I could tell them about Myrtle, the Horcrux — Horcruxes.”

The humour dissolves from his face and you despise the immense glee it brings you.

“Oh, did you think I didn’t know? Didn’t understand the connective thread? You are sentimental under all that… fucking posturing, you know. I’m sure it’s all very romantic to you — making Horcruxes out of Hogwarts artefacts. Shame it’s such an insult to your intelligence.”

“Very good,” he says after a long, terse silence. You’re sure he’s thinking just the opposite.

You hum, meddling with your nails. “So what’s your plan?”

“I’d need a Vow for that.”

You laugh. “I’m not that desperate.”

“You’re also not an auror, are you?” He tilts his head appraisingly. “And yet you’ve found your way here.”

“How many do you plan to make? How many people do you plan to kill?”

“A Vow.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Tea, then? Biscuits?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t. I read in the paper the other day about a poor old woman who had her tea poisoned.”

“Hm. Terrible shame.”

Your fist clenches around your wand. “Is it paying off well, Riddle? It must be a good life if you’re willing to split your soul to hell and back to have more of it.”

He smiles at the barb in your words. “You never were good with subtlety.”

“I wasn’t trying to be subtle. This place is horrific.”

“I was referring to your inability to see more than what’s directly in front of you.”

“Oh, really? And what more should I see than a boy who’s very good at getting weak men to bow and do very little else? I’d try to see the bigger picture, but I reckon it wouldn’t fit in here.”

Tom regards you colourlessly. You are slate, Ministry-grey, impermeable like palace portcullis. 

“I suppose I should have killed you.” He says it with the nonchalance of a forgotten chore. He says it like you’re a stain. 

He doesn’t say it like he feels any terrible urgency to remove you; and you think, this time, you’d feel more powerful if he did. You think it’s far more debilitating to sit here and be looked at like he regrets wanting you alive more than he wants you dead.

“Yes,” you concur, “I suppose you should have.” 

You place your wand down on the table and scoot your chair away for good measure. “It’s never too late to rectify your mistakes.”

Tom, for a moment, looks surprised. That makes you feel powerful. You’d take more of that.

“You have wandless magic,” he tries. A weak recovery.

“Scout’s honour, Riddle.”

He doesn’t move for a moment, then fixes his wand in his hand and rises, doused in the same inscrutable calm that always used to drive you mad. Now something in you gleams with the knowledge that he only ever looks like this when he’s trying not to look like anything at all.

He steps closer and it gleams brighter. It trembles inside you and you know, distantly, that this is insane. You’re weighing your life on a childhood trust that was shattered years ago, and you don’t think you’ve ever been that good at faith, but he’s approaching you and that gleam you feel is reflected in his eyes and you just… know. Your spilled blood once crawled with his. There’s no undoing that. Half of you is made of the other.

“I should have killed you,” he repeats.

It’s a murmur. Stilted. Angry, even. Angry that you made him this and there’s no fucking rectifying it — what a joke that is. What an immensely you thing to suggest.

“Yes,” you agree.

It’s a breath. Low. Proud, even. Proud that you’re his only mistake and he’s going to make it again.

Tom kisses you. It’s a murder of its own kind. You kiss him back, and — you were always going to kill each other like this, weren’t you? It’s you and him whether you like it or not.

There should be no love in it. You know that. Love is far behind the both of you, stifled in a gasp at the back of your throat on your eighteenth birthday and the soft, selfish hands of a seventeen year old boy. This is mutual destruction. Spite and teeth and skin that’s cold under your fingers.

He was your first in everything but this.

You push back at him and feel the hunger, the need in him, like a flame as he kisses you deeper and harder, and you find yourself losing yourself to it all over again, like you're back in the dark alcove of a pub where you told him goodbye, pushing to extend the juncture. And then he lets out a hitched, gravelly sound; not a moan but enough to make you shudder.

You pull him onto the sofa and crawl onto his lap.

“How long?” he asks thickly.

You don’t have to ask what he means. You bite against his neck, nails under his shirt as you struggle to pop the buttons open. There must be a violence in all your want for him because if there isn't it's just loss. It's just another thing you'll give him without taking anything back. 

“Sixth year," you pant, “in the Deathday ballroom when we fought for the first time. You — ah — you put your thumb on my mouth. Since then."

You hear a sharp intake of breath, and his hand moves up your back to pull you impossibly closer. His voice is ragged. “Should I tell you how long I’ve wanted you?"

You shudder a breath. “Since —" And it's a bit hard to talk with the way he's rolling your hips — “Since when?"

His lips twitch into a mirthless smile, hands spanning your thighs as you start to rock against him. “When you burned me, and I sent you into the lake." 

You swallow, agonised by the slow pace his grip forces you to keep when all you want to do is go faster. 

“Your uniform was terribly wet,” he says, mouth tracing your jaw. “Did I ever apologise for that?"

“N-no.”

He tuts, the hushed sound warm and deadly on your neck. “Bad manners. I must have been distracted."

Oh. Oh, you think. It seems pointless to flush in the position you're in now, but the knowledge that he wanted you then and you hadn't even known is... all the more devastating. 

But you shiver at the question of how he’d wanted you, in what amount of detail, in what precise way. You almost want to ask. See it for yourself. 

You don't think you'd manage the words. He’s hard underneath you and your head wants to lull toward his shoulder but a big hand holds you from one side of your jaw down the length of your neck, his tongue laving up the other. Instead you’re balanced only by his hands and his mouth, rolling against him because it’s all you can do like this.

He’s marking you, you realise with a gasp, and your fingers bury in his hair to remove his mouth from its descending assault on your collar. Not that. You’d sworn against that.

Your fingers return to his buttons and he copies you by finding yours, pulling at the fabric tucked into your trousers until it’s discarded entirely. You press your hands to the planes of his chest and watch him, your mouth agape as his eyes linger on your chest.

His heart is pounding and he must know you’re about to comment on it because his lips are on yours again and he adjusts his position and your fingers dig into his shoulders at the delicious new feeling of him pressing into your thigh. 

You move for his belt. He moves for your zipper. It’s some sort of race, whatever you’re doing, and you’re at an unfair advantage when you’re still fumbling with his buckle when his hand is already carving a slow path to the band of your underwear. You're scalding under the journey of it, little stars pricking you under every new inch he explores.

He dips in and your eyes wrench shut, grasping frantically for his wrist.

“Shh,” he says softly, caressing your cheek with his spare hand, thumb finding your mouth how it did all those years ago and you want to curse him. The fucker knows exactly what he’s doing.

You shake your head, chest rising with heavy breaths as you return to his belt and scrabble to unbuckle it.

“So tense,” he murmurs. The hand at your cheek draws over your lower lip before it falls to your back to hold you closer. “Rest now.”

And his fingers trace you where you want him most, brushing past your clit as he pulls his face back to watch you.

You sink into the feeling, still swaying on his lap, a half-efforted attempt at finding friction in the hardness between his legs that feels fruitless because it won't be enough until he's inside. Your hand just grips onto the fabric of his unzipped trousers and stays there. It’s a pause. An obstacle on your path to him that you need just a moment to recover from before you’ll make him feel just like this. Better. Worse. It’s hard to tell which is which.

He’s stroking at you now, pleased by the way you lurch against him with every touch.

You have to recover, you have to make it even, you have to… you…

A finger presses inside and you moan.

“You came back to me,” he whispers, close enough to be kissing you but there’s just the stutter of his breath. It's a fucking religious thing to say, the way he does it.

“Doesn’t make me yours,” you breathe.

He shakes his head. “I know. You’ll still take it though, won’t you?”

Oh, fuck.

He makes a sound of approval. “Good.”

Good. Fine. Your hands slip from his zipper to the meat of his thighs, pushing yourself forward so the shape of him is firmer against you, and Tom slips another finger in.

You’ll take it, won’t you? Yes. 

Maybe you don’t need to tear him at the seams (though you want to) to make it even. Maybe this is punishment enough. That he can have you like this and it still won’t make you his, that he’ll give you everything and you’ll lap at it with half the greed he possesses.

You ride his hand, clutching his shoulders, rocking your hips. You take all of it, and it builds something delirious inside you, that it’s him doing this, his perfect fingers, the shape of his lips, the soft dark of his hair when you find your hands in it again. The feeling makes you stutter, and he has to move you by the waist himself to keep the momentum when you can't do it yourself.

He’s painfully stiff, pushing up against you with a degree of self-control that feels like it can only end disastrously for the both of you, and you start smattering kisses down his cheek. You tilt his head back and lick a stripe down his neck. Rest now, you'd say if you could.

But he adds a third finger and your head falls, a cry planted in his collar when you come, and you don't think you say anything.

Tom holds your legs steady, guiding you through it like this is just another one of his studies. You are what he knows better than anything else, and still he wants to learn more.

“Look at you,” he mutters, dipping you back to press his lips down your chest, unclasping your bra while you’re still breaking, the sensation swelling again when he takes a nipple into his mouth.

“Tom,” you try to say. Your mouth is the sticky sort of dry that words refuse to come out of.

“Will you give me more?”

Give, not take. You fuss into a stolen kiss, grappling again with his trousers, pulling them down until you can palm him through his boxers.

He hisses, gripping your wrist like he hadn’t just done the same to you, and then he’s pulling you up and off the couch, trousers discarded with what must be magic because you blink and they’re gone. Greedy boy. (You have no room to judge.) Your back is to the wall an instant before his fingers are on you again, pushing your underwear down your thighs until it falls at your feet like they despised to ever part from you.

You arch to feel him press against your stomach, pushing off the wall so that you can meld to him but he just closes in on you to do it himself.

He goads the heat from you when his fingers push in again, still wet, coiling how you like, where you like —

“Want you,” you protest shakily, hand on his abdomen.

That must kill him a little, because he curses under his breath (a thing he never does) and the immediate absence of his touch is cruel when he goes to free himself from his boxers. You reach for him without thinking as he does, and he pins your hand beside you when your fingers so much as graze the length of him.

You sound frail, but you have to ask. “Is this how you wanted me?”

A cruder version of you would go on. Is this how you pictured it? Taking me against a wall? Have you waited for it all this time?

And you don’t belong to him but you’re so incomprehensibly, contradictorily his. You’ll want him forever. He could do anything, and you’d be his. You could haunt him into his lonely eternity, and he’d be yours. Then, you suppose — haunting him makes him yours by principle.

Maybe you already do.

Tom practically growls into your mouth, pressing against you and — God, it’s skin on skin. He's right there. You could push forward and —

He slides in. You cry out at the feel of him inside you, the angle of it like this.

“I wanted you,” he says lowly, your legs wrapped around him, “everywhere.”

You’re gripping him so tight you think he’ll bleed under your nails and somehow you still feel on the brink of collapse when he thrusts deeper.

“I thought mostly of your mouth,” he rasps. “It felt depraved to imagine it wrapped around me, but then I thought of you splayed out before me instead. That maybe you’d like it if it was my mouth on you.”

You whimper.

“Would you like that?” he asks, hands spanning your hips to snap them into his, like you are a piece removed from him he seeks to reattach.

If you wanted to answer you couldn’t. You’re clinging to him and the rising surge inside you, carved between your legs like something sweltering and unfixable. It rushes in and he pulls out of you. He pushes in and you cry for the release of it, the moment the wave lurches over the edge, but he won’t let you have it.

“But,” he says, and your eyes want to roll back at how heavy his restraint is, callous in the tone of his voice, some leash at his neck he must tug himself lest you take it from him — “If I knew how well you’d take me like this, I would have thought of it much more.”

Taking him, again — you don’t feel at all like that’s what’s happening. You feel possessed. You are buoyant in his arms: his and his and his.

“You can — uh — you can — ”

"Hm?" He brushes down the slope of your brow, your cheek, back to the edge of your mouth, wiping a trail of saliva from your chin. “Poor thing.”

And he slams into you again, drawing a mewl from you that slices your unfinished thought.

You clench around him, flames wild and fluttering at every contact of his skin on yours, and there are too many to count. Too many points where they intersect, just some blend of bodies connected at every curve.

“You’re going to give me more,” he says, like it’s an epiphany when you already told him you would.

You remember then. What you meant to say. “You can take me too.”

You feel him twitch inside you, his pace stilling for a moment, and the thumb on your lip slips into your mouth. Your lips close around him and he curses again.

He fucks you with a finger in your mouth and his teeth clamped over your shoulder, soothing the sting with his tongue. His pace is too slow when he drags his free hand between your legs, but you understand its purpose well enough that the mere recognition almost destroys you. 

He’s patient in bringing you to the edge because there's time here. A slow agony that severs you from the rest of the world until it splits you down the middle. And he may not ever have it again.

You have to promise yourself he’ll never have it again.

But the movement of his fingers against the same spot he’s hitting inside you is too much at once, and you won’t last. You drool around his thumb. You let him mark you. You can see on his neck you’ve marked him too. And you hope impossibly there’s a scar. You hope the little death you coax from him claims him as yours for eternity, keeps him even when you're gone. You tighten, lurch for the edge, and make him mortal once more.

Tom holds you there, your cries reverberating as he sinks another finger in your mouth, and then he’s gasping at your neck, peeling back to look you in the eyes when he spills into you. Your eyes screw together and he releases the sounds you make by holding you by the jaw instead.

“Look at me,” he says, and for the strained need in it you do.

You come down to earth and you kiss him, wetness dripping down your thighs as he pins you to this moment. You love him. You’ll always love him.

He’s still inside you when he’s secure enough to bring you to his bed, only removing himself from you when you’re safely in his sheets, legs surrendering their grip on his waist as you pull apart. You pant into the cold linen of his pillow. Everything smells like him. There’s something empty now; the reason you came today; the reason you left four years ago.

You love him and it isn’t enough. Not even to look at him, the sleepy hint of the boy you knew in his eyes, and know that he loves you too.

“Goodnight, Tom,” you say, finding home in the warmth of his chest.

You’ll dream of a morning where you wake up beside him, but you won’t be there.

[somewhere-at-the-burrow]

𝒜𝒩𝒮𝒲𝐸𝑅𝐼𝒩𝒢 𝒬𝒰𝐸𝒮𝒯𝐼𝒪𝒩𝒮

— ​𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐠𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 | @tubadorashifts

(( these questions are amazing! i have so so much i want to say about my life at hogwarts that i get overwhelmed aaaa so this is PERFECT! this is also my longest post yet, so buckle in yall i'm about to overshare on the internet ‼️))

1. If you’re DR is set in the 90s/70s - How different is it to modern day? What are some changes you like and what changes did it take a while for you to get used to?

this question might be difficult to answer, as in my DR I am fully involved in the wizarding world and I don't really have that much contact with the muggle world, but definitely the technology! that might seem like a no-brainer and something to be expected when shifting to Hogwarts, but I wasn't expecting how different it would be. the hardest thing for me to adapt to was not being able to pull out my phone to take a picture whenever I wanted to. there were so so many little moments when I was at the Burrow where I would have the most perfect photo idea and I would realize I don't have my phone and realize I left my old film camera in my room. getting used to carrying that thing around and learning more about it (as my dad (arthur) brought it home for me one day and we fixed it up in the workshop!) is such a hassle sometimes. AND I HAVE TO DEVELOP FILM... which is rewarding in the end but sometimes I miss the instant gratification of a smartphone!

a change I do like is the style of music, both wizarding and muggle. I feel like the popular wizarding bands definitely reflect the 90s atmosphere in music, with many different new songs that have changing sounds in alternative rock and sometimes even annoyingly catchy pop songs. many other wizarding bands have themes that go all of the way back to classic jazz, so the range is INSANE. the music is truly so immersive, as the wizarding community is generally in favor of playing all types of music (at parties etc) both wizarding and muggle. truly an education!

2. If you’re part Veela/Metamophmagus/Mermaid/siren/werewolf etc. what is it like?

being a siren is still a change I am getting used to in my new DR, but it is absolutely something out of my biggest fantasies. as a girl who loves the sea and all her mythology, actually being a part of the sirens and learning about all of their folklore is a sacred experience I hold so dear to my heart. the life I have lived as a siren (even though my actual shift was quite short) feels so innate and like something I won't ever forget.

with being a blood-related siren comes many many things I didn't fully expect. there is a siren language (which I can speak in that reality), rituals and ceremonies that I noticed, and certain abilities that are passed on through family. there is also the wizarding public, who looks to sirens with curiosity because they are so closely related to merpeople and veela, yet they have such a distinct culture of their own. because there are so little sirens that engage with the wizarding world, I am kind of known as "that siren girl" and sometimes people say it negatively, but it is usually people who take the merfolk classification of "beast" very seriously and they are a bunch of idiots CONTINUE

3. Where do you change into your robes on the Hogwarts Express?

the Hogwarts express is completely different (length wise) on the inside than on the outside. when I first got onto the train, I was completely blown away when the twins and I walked into a long compartment that looked almost like a diner. they were serving pear & apple cider and I thought it was so cool that they had a bunch of different train areas. I walked around with Ginny during our train ride, and we found a bunch of these changing rooms / bathrooms and I remembered changing there in previous years so that is where we went!

inside of these bathrooms, it definitely has an expansion charm because it feels small while also having a lot of space for many students?? kind of like how the train expands or shrinks to fit the amount of compartments needed? also, these rooms are definitely hot spots for seeing other students bc tell me why I saw half of my year while I was in there for maybe 20 minutes??

4. If you’re an exchange student - How does the sorting ceremony work? Do you get sorted with the first years regardless of what year you’re in or do you get privately sorted somewhere else, like Dumbledore’s office?

this has only happened twice that I remember, and both times the students were sorted before the first years and Dumbledore gave kind of a mini introduction to their year and where they came from. personally, I would've been so scared to be individually introduced like that, especially in a new school with people I've never seen before. But Hogwarts is just kind of crazy like that, and the random outings by staff in front of the entire Great Hall never get boring I SWEAR!

5. Is Hogwarts a lot different to how you imagined? Is it like the movies or was there any changes?

I'd like to say the hours I've spent touring the castle on games like Hogwarts Legacy would prepare me for it, but I was still absolutely blown away (and I don't say that lightly)! the biggest thing for me was the sheer height of the castle! it is kind of a thing among newer Hogwarts students to not look up at the towers from the ground, as some people get this kind of reverse-vertigo? other than that, it definitely has the same vibe as the movies, except things feel waaay more spread out in my DR. I swear, in the movies Harry and Ron are getting to class in ten minutes, and I can barely get to my next class with my 30 minute passing time IT IS SO STRESSFUL. especially when I go from Care of Magical Creatures all the way to Advanced Herbology on tuesday mornings LIKE I AM RUNNING they are on opposite sides of the castle. I get the same feeling when I walk into the Grand Staircase and see all of the steps. I'm definitely debating adding a floo-network for easier transportation, but it is quite fun to feel like i'm getting a workout while exploring my favorite place ever!!

6. What are some classes you weren’t expecting to like as much as you did?

def divination! everybody kind of hates on divination for being a class that people only take when they have a free hour and nobody really takes it seriously, but I love the atmosphere so much and it feels like the kindest part of the castle when I am in my Advanced Div. 1 class. because I am in the advanced class (which prepares for OWLs), everyone there genuinely wants to be there and I am obsessed with the teacher student ratio of that class. there are probably less than ten students taking advanced divination and we all know each other so well and so far it has ended with us practicing techniques on each other or just filling in professor Trelawny on what is happening throughout the castle. sometimes in a class that small it just ends up being a bunch of divination nerds gathered around a table with the professor reading tarot or something ! it is my little safe haven in a castle so obsessed with intense schedules and such

6. And the opposite - What are some classes that you didn’t end up liking?

in my uni-structured Hogwarts, you can stop taking certain basics classes after your third year, so DADA was OUT. i never really liked that class because I remember always thinking that the environment was super energetic and one of my friends (??) El was kind of my academic rival in that class and that mf never left me alone. i am definitely built for more personalized classes and that is okay! Hogwarts has something for everyone once you pass the basics! also, FUCK HOME STUDY CLASS. i signed up for that class because it was supposed to be a general home economics class that teaches basic spells for around the house (like cooking, cleaning, sewing, etc) but the professor is an absolute NIGHTMARE and she reminds me of rita skeeter somehow?? also, Fred and George took that class as a joke (seriously, nobody has any idea why they took it), and now it is just constant bickering between professor and students. every time I've stepped into that classroom this week, I've wondered, "how are the boys going to harass professor reen today??"

7. Is it strange to be in Hogwarts if you grew up watching the movies? Id imagine it to be a bit surreal

it is so unbelievably surreal. my first night at hogwarts, I hardly got any sleep because I was so overwhelmed with excitement (and I say that so sincerely). all I wanted to do was run around the castle at night and talk to my roommates for hours and I couldn't wait for breakfast because everything felt so amazing. I have been shifting for a couple of years, but Hogwarts was always the place I had been waiting to go to and I wanted it to be special and when I finally was there and I was running my hand on the castle stone behind my bed it all hit me. my entire childhood felt complete. I wasn't worried about anything anymore, and I couldn't believe that I finally made it to the place i'd considered as "home" almost my whole life. in addition, hogwarts no longer felt like something I had only seen on a screen. when I shifted back a day ago, I went on pinterest and saw some photos of the dorms and the great hall and it felt so strange? kind of like if you saw a photo online of a place you've been to in your daily life, and you knew the way around even if the photo didn't show every detail? there was a new awareness of having lived in these places, and I had memories attached to simple things like a photo of the Great Hall from the movies!

8. Have you made any friends in school that aren’t mentioned in the books or movies? Talk a bit about them

if you've seen any of my previous posts, I talk about my little group of friends that live in Ottery St. Catchpole (and some of them don't exist in canon)! one of my closest friends is a girl named June Smithey, and she is a slytherin in my year. we both take advanced div. together and she is so sweet!! her twin brother is El, but he doesn't seem to like me very much and is always competing with me for NO REASON. he always has to hang around us though bc he is Cedric's best friend and sometimes Ced and I are attached at the hip. another best friend of mine is a girl named Vanessa Nacky, and she is a sixth year prefect. everyone calls her Nessa, and she is such a mum figure to all of the younger students and she is so liked by everyone in every house! she is dating Oliver Wood and they are so insanely good for each other I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER COUPLE TRUST ME

9. How long does the Hogwarts express take? If it takes very long - apart from talking to friends, what things do students usually do to occupy their time on the train? Are there different types of games in the wizarding world or popular magazines among witches/wizards?

the Hogwarts express usually takes 7-8 hours! apart from talking, some of my friends and I read the old issues of the Hogwarts newspaper (called the Hogwarts Legacy) and we speculated about what the next year would entail. there is also the diner-areas where they serve small lunch-like snacks (unlike constant candy from the trolley) and different drinks! also, in the movies they made it seem like students could only stay in their compartment the whole time, but that is not how it was like during my journey. people constantly got up to go visit with other friends and see each other after summer, so talking never really got boring! people also compare collected cards (which is a big thing in the wizarding world) and there is even a couple of chess tables in one of the train cars. other than that, reading and sleeping are very popular, as the first day of term is always a very late night and sometimes people just need a little quiet time!

10. What is it like sharing a dorm? Who are you sharing a dorm with and do you like your dorm mates?

thankfully, I went into my DR already being best friends with my dormmates, so each night really felt like an organized sleepover! we each have our own little alcoves where we can keep our stuff and our beds, so I never really felt overwhelmed being in a busy dorm. I share a dorm with Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, Iris Fawcett, and Fay Dunbar! I am thankful that most of these lovely girls are on the quidditch team with me, so we really are very close and we spend many nights talking from our beds when we should be asleep :') the whole situation did turn out very well for me, though, as some people in Hogwarts do not like their dormmates very much and are stuck wishing they can become a prefect to get their own dorm. (cough, percy and oliver wood)

11. What is quidditch like? Do you like it or have you decided it’s not for you?

I am OBSESSED with quidditch. in my desired reality, the quidditch season hasn't started yet, but I scripted that I was going to become seeker and I am so unbelievable excited! back at the burrow, we played many small games in the back field, and even though I scripted I would be great at the sport, I genuinely enjoy trying to learn new tricks and improve my ability in other positions (i will never be a good beater I swear 😔). quidditch is such a ceremonial experience for students at Hogwarts.. and there is really no escaping it!! I grew up fascinated by the whole strange concept and rules in this reality, and even if you think the whole idea is stupid the crazy crowd will definitely make up for it bc we all band together for quidditch!!

also, if you choose to get involved in the different leagues and tournaments, there is truly so much content and magazines that are released weekly YOULL NEVER GET BORED! quidditch is such a culture in the wizarding world, and it is comparable to muggle sports leagues and all of the devoted fans that sit down weekly to watch. at the burrow, when the league games are broadcasted on the WWN, we crowd around the radio in the kitchen and sometimes even have dinner while the game is playing if it goes late! and don't even get me started on the WORLD league...

12. Is there anything in the wizarding world that surprised you?

the amount of errands the average wizarding family goes on! to the average movie watcher, it feels like during the summer the students all go home and then the only places the parents go are the Ministry. this was far from the truth for me! at the burrow, mum (Molly) would let me take the floo-network to Diagon Alley whenever I needed to get my film developed, and sometimes she would let some of us go in groups to get supplies / materials for crafts we are doing etc! also, there is another common wizarding market in Birnam that many people go to for fresh produce and lots of cooking things. Molly goes pretty frequently, and when I went once over the summer, I saw people from school there and it is kind of a small hangout spot for wizarding families. another common place to go is Prelly's, which is in the heart of diagon alley and everyone AND THEIR MOTHER has been to Prelly's. it is comparable to a grocery store, except everything is marketed magically and it is so chaotic in there all of the time. that store is so cherished in the wizarding world, I don't think i've ever been to a magical household that doesn't have something from Prelly's. I was so surprised to learn that even wizards had places to shop for groceries 😭

13. What is your favourite place to spend time in Hogwarts/Hogsmeade? Do you have a secret place where you and your friends hang out?

I haven't gotten to explore Hogsmeade that much yet, but inside of Hogwarts there is a small inter-house common room that is called the Selkie Commons. it is located near the main Viaduct and it overlooks the lake through big windows in the stone. it gets its name from the series of stained glass dividers that show pictures of yellow selkies as you enter the room! this place isn't very secret, though, as many people come here to study and sometimes it can even get kind of loud late after dinner. however, this place is technically considered a Study Hall, so it closes at 10:30 and we are limited to hanging out inside of our common rooms :,)

other than that... the art wing. there are certain classes offered for magical art, and a lot of my friends also dabble in those classes because they are such a nice break and the evironment is truly amazing! there is a main studio space, so sometimes we sit in there after school hours, but there is also a little gallery hall that is filled with art books and student works over the years, and sometimes it is fun to sit in there and talk with the portraits and experience the art that students have made years before me. nobody really goes in this specific gallery hall, so we can usually hang out in there late at night until it closes!

15. What are some things in your DR that you couldn’t live without?

my "endless quill"! when we went to diagon alley to shop for school supplies, I used a good portion of my personal money to buy that quill, as it was a newer model that was becoming more popular among students. I didn't know how useful it would be until I actually started using it day-to-day in class! at hogwarts, we are allowed to use pencils and sometimes pens on little notes, but for assignments it is strictly quill and ink and I HATE redipping my quill every couple of lines. I think it is so genius and I am so glad I saved up for it bc it is SO WORTH IT. if you have experience shifting to hogwarts and writing with normal quills, you might feel my pain ‼️

another fun thing is my shared journal! my friend Iris enchanted these journals that can be written in and seen by each other, kind of like Tom Riddle's diary but for multiple people. whenever my main friends and I are separated in the castle or in vastly different classes, sometimes we will leave little notes for each other and then they will all see it the next time they open the journal. we have useless conversations with our friends in different houses in the middle of the night, and it is like our little wizarding form of texting. IT IS MY FAVORITE!!

16. Does butterbeer taste as bad as it does here? (I tried it a couple years ago on the Harry Potter tour in England and it was so gross)

i'm probably so biased (as I LOVE the taste of butterbeer here), but I can say that it does taste slightly different than what it does at the Harry Potter theme park when I went. the cream soda base mixed with the butterscotch topping is definitely an aquired taste, but in my DR it is not as fizzy and it has more buttery undertones? I definitely agree that the fizzy soda they use in this reality is a little jarring, but when I tried it in my desired reality it just warmed my body and left me so comfortable?? I am such a fan, and I have spent so many nights in this reality trying to replicate the recipe bc IT IS SO GOOD. so far, i've found that adding butter extract really helps! i'm a butterbeer defender till the day i die ‼️

17. Spill some drama about random students. Like who cheated on who, what student is a little bitch etc. lol

oh my fcking god I have so much I could say?? I never anticipated talking all about the "random" students, but i am finding that spilling drama about some of these idiots is so enjoyable and if anyone wants more posts abt this I CAN DELIVER ‼️

to begin, I think we should talk about a seventh year slytherin man named Matteo Pearce. he has lots of family in italy and he was doing school years at some fancy italian wizarding school, and he recently just came back to hogwarts this year?? BAD CHOICE. for some reason, the ENTIRE student body is obsessed with him and he always goes around saying seductive shit in italian and i hear the older gryffindor girls giggling about it all the time in the common room. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL—— before he left, he was dating a gryffindor named Poppy (Matthews, i think?) and they kind of had a bad end to their relationship when they moved. so poppy went all GIRLBOSS and became Head Girl, and now all of her "friends" in her dorm hate her bc she has been ignoring Matteo even though he CLEARLY fancies her still. so, on the SECOND week of school, Poppy decided that she would speak to him again and get on good terms, but when she found them he was snogging a DIFFERENT gryffindor girl (and one of poppy's "friends"). the other girl was named Holly Lauren, but when we found out it was her, none of us were surprised bc Holly is always starting things and we could've guessed it was her. I always think it is so funny bc in Fred's second year of school he was actually trying to be friends with Holly (he had a little puppy crush) and every time that girl does something irresponsible I remind Fred of the bullet he dodged ‼️

also, Louisa Bones has a huge crush on Cedric, and she tells EVERYONE but Ced actually likes her roommate Mia Edwards more and won't stop talking about her. which sucked for me to hear bc I was trying to make Cedric my man but whatever 😔

18. Is there any holiday traditions that Hogwarts has?

I haven't been there long enough to experience a lot of the well known holidays, but during the equinox we have a Mabon feast! this is one of the main times during the year that the classic Hogwarts apple pies are made, and the Cooking Club always has sm fun with it!! as for christmas/yule season, in my desired reality there are yearly Yule Balls that occur during Yule, and there is always a giant party for older students that is had and it is tradition for people to try and stay up all night and then sleep on the train that goes home for holiday. kind of like a giant all night celebration before heading home to family!

I am also so so excited for the Halloween feast because we get the day off and a lot of the students carve the pumpkins that are displayed around the castle / in the Great Hall. also, the newspaper ( the Hogwarts Legacy) always makes a giant Halloween edition and from what I've heard it is pretty amazing (and has a lot of secret sections!)

19. Have you been to any of the other Wizarding schools and what are they like? Have you met any of the students?

I will come back and semi-answer this question when we have the Triwizard in a couple of years! I do want to make a Beauxbatons transfer student DR though, just to practice my mediocre french ‼️

(( I covered question 20 already!))

21. Favorite spell to do in your DR?

this is so basic, but definitely Accio. I never knew how much I would love a spell until I got to use accio for the first time! I don't usually use it for grand things though, and it usually occurs when I am getting ready in the morning and I have something across the room. but it is random all of the time and I think it is making me lazy but oh well!! my non verbal / wandless use of accio is also improving tremendously, but that is something that usually comes innately with sirens! IM LEARNING!!

22. If you’re related to someone in the books or movies - what are they like?

being related to the Weasleys is one of the best choices I have made in ANY desired reality. at first I was worried that I wouldn't fit in in some way, but when I first shifted and Ginny came running into my room with the newest Seeker Weekly and I got to experience the dynamic play out, I knew that these lovely people would impact my life in more ways than I could imagine. For starters, having Molly as a mum is like having another best friend. she is always there to recieve my letters, and she is also there for each of her children when they write. sometimes we wonder if all she does is write to us, because we each get personalized letters and she genuinely enjoys hearing about what happens in our lives. Arthur is the most uniquely supportive of dads. he may be gone most of the day at the Ministry, but he always takes time to pick up things that he thinks we would like so we can fix them together in his workshop. the older siblings are hardly around, but they do write and Charlie and I have surprisingly kept in touch! (mostly because of my magical creatures class HE LOVES that someone else is interested in it). Percy is quite similar to how he is in canon, but when he is genuinely happy it is so contagious to be around. recently, he confessed to dating Penelope Clearwater, and we got to have her over for dinner. certain people bring out the best in him! the twins are as expected! since we all have birthdays in april of the same year, we were inseperable throughout childhood. something I love is how involved I am in the creation of their little business! they get so passionate about the things they care for, and I think other students assume they don't care, but that is far from the truth! the weasleys are so family oriented and we take family dinner and talking about our days very seriously! they all have hearts of gold and the compassion of that family is so admirable <3

if you've read this far, thank you so much for sticking around and letting me explain this life of mine that I hold so close!

as I was writing this, I only realized how little I actually covered and how much I could talk about my DR. I still can't believe that I have finally shifted to Hogwarts??

happy shifting everyone!

tonight is your night!

— 𝐝𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐧𝐞

[lightcreators]

When he had been speaking about an mental barrier, he hadn't been speaking metaphorically on an psychic fight with whatever he was dealing with --- No. He had desired expressed it inside an true PHYSICAL mean to generating an MAGICAL BARRIER in middle of his brain, turning these obscure temptations coming from the shadows unable to tourmenting his mind. Immediately, as he had been dissociating further in the second he came blamed for an wrong sentence, he anchored himself inside the moment without his thoughts. He didn't know when everything started to going wrong again --- because without having perspective how much he had ben struggling with it, how he could giving him best of advices ? Besides, it had been a proposition. How could he pretend giving him some miracle solution afterwards what happened ? How could he pretend not failling apart emotionally when he was forcing that state for help him ? There had been no intent to harm. There had been no intent to hurt. There had been no intent to blame. Nevertheless, that second time, that second time he sensed he had asked to shut down, otherwise an surprised jump betraying immediate fear, an fragment of emptiness born. He was forcing something normally common people won't do --- too damaged inside their trauma for wanting percepting themselves first and all, and merely realizing surroundings … He lost that right since a long time ago. He even forget where he forget such a right ! Even in middle of an horrible circumstances as breaking apart, even focusing to get his needs done for survive --- if he didn't pay attention to all things around … He didn't finished that thought. It had been because he didn't have noticing sooner there had been something changed on Rand that the entire situation happened in the first place. It was because he hadn't been anticipating.

He can't do mistakes. He never had been allowed to do one before … What happened would change nothing. What happened just confirmed, if he wasn't careful enough --- he was really going to die … Pretty much dramatic where he was currently dealing with all the shock over such situation. Words didn't managed to come out that time. They were unable to express themselves. Sending sadness over his eyes, showing how terrified he was --- yes --- but talk no. How he was supposed to describe what he thought ? He cannot just let him guess it was some mental resistance ? How words would escaping him would last for a while. ❝ Physical mental barrier in your brain … not just mental fight … ❞ He truly didn't recognized his voice anymore. Neither if his words were truly his or not. Neither the strange sensation to had an body. Emptiness. An sudden feeling who embraced him. An following emotion afterwards the despair he had no strenght to fight against. He was still here, in some manner, physically, but at the same time, it was like the entire world was distanced to him or he was distanced to it. Eventually, he would manage to swallow back the emotion. Eventually, he wouldn't be shameful to express himself. Eventually, that impression to never being good enough wouldn't last … By explanation along of his short story, he guessed, down there, something happened. The Forbidden Forest was the last place he would ever check even as he would be sick to being close of it … nevertheless alert part of his mind was sure something did happened down there. It was the single explanation that pull sense to their current circumstances. Why he suddently --- Silence the voice, it's was the solution. Silence entity belonging to the voice too --- Sadness smile reflected in the moment, as slowly, there were funny remembrances about Phantomhive … Circumstances reflected themselves, but within another domain, another view. He would have to think about it. He would really have to play with these hidden layers inside circumstances. However, he took a risk. He decided to expressing one sentence over his honest opinion. After all, himself --- as undefined it was --- was pretty much accustomed to that notion of madness … and oh, the word he was about to bring on. ❝ Books talked about insanity, best word would be murderous. ❞ There was quite difference between these two terms. On his own manners, besides to playing with a physical fire as it had been during their meeting, he was crazy enough for attempting dangerous actions on his own --- That, it was insanity. Desiring destruction of something or someone or even wish blood of people --- it was murderous. There had been an understanding smile, intented to been reassuring, how regardless usual good looks of his face, yes, he knew perfectly what it was. He also assumed he would the one murdering someone in Hogwarts thanks to bad circumstances for a long time … ❝ We. Together. ❞

He found himself only able to nod in front of his thanks. Someday, that warning he expressed towards his personal hatred would making sense --- he had no reason to request such terrible fate … he had no reason to taking back the full forgiveness he offered to him … As a way of coping, considering the truth would have to stay hidden, he might take full responsabilities. How he had been removed of blame towards circumstances would be something he would take back in middle of daylight --- as reassurance had been made in obscurity. It would twist the entire reality of circumstances inside and out. He received comfort. He received reassurance none of this had been his fault neither had he merited such thing. Sadly, for his own protection, it would be better other people think otherwise --- another thing he bring to himself … Everything he could expose was physically showing he wasn't going to left him down. He had been begging on his own manners to not been left in return. Obvious lack of energy turned impossible now to pleading another time for same wish, neither to respond as he wanted. He would have seen him at his most pathetic state --- where himself didn't know how much it was actually miserable for eventually been motivated with an impulse to insult himself. On the nightmares … ❝ They probably had lasted for a long time … ❞ Also slowly inscreasing with time. Something terribly familiar unless they weren't dreams, they weren't nightmares, they were impressions … that hanging emotion circumstances themselves very slowly deteriorate … ❝ Would have to appeasing them too … ❞ Rand's case was different of his. That dreadful weight over his soulders, that terrible knoweldge everything might be lost without actions … were an terrible motivation giving him strenght for desiring a miracle no matter what … to the price to becoming the sacrifice if there was no another way … None of his nightmares could be calmed down. Unless somewhere he found something reassuring, he found an tangible proof he might not being brutally murdered one day, he found pleasant guarantee everything will be fine … Over his classmates fate, he had been protecting them in the shadows for years ! He couldn't manage to find words for argue towards how Rand pushed himself behind, as he simply nodded another time about the nurse. Poor nurse … she was going to commit her entire career to him because if his father found out about his little accidental problem, it might blow up all over the place … poor nurse also he would have to manipulate for use Snape and Dumbledore.

There was no physical strenght who reflected within his body anymore … Mental one was hanging towards his thoughts, as he cannot stop thinking, even afterwards such trauma, even afterwards such an terrible circumstance, even meanwhile he was breaking apart … as words another time were difficult to being found. If he exposed too much, he was going to be killed. He couldn't do an single mistake on that part. If he came betrayed, if he came exposed with his horrible position, if he came confessed as an good person he was trying to be --- he was dead. It always had been the price of his decision. It always had been the price of his choice. ❝ The bad guys … ❞ It was single sentence he could tell. The mess around Potter, the unexpressed one. Could he really take that risk to give context to his confessed words ? Then, another time, considering everything will remaining within an box of truths sealed somewhere around circumstances, considering he admitted already he was supposed to die that way, he dared bring explicity that sentence. It would be a terrible hint on itself. Nevertheless, it wasn't like he was admitting he acted traitorous by confess it ? ❝ Mess around Potter … ❞

               ˜”*°•.     Like  a  rabid  dog  pushing  its  way  out  of  a  paper  box ;  hands  shaking  under  the  pressure ,  clock  ticking  fast .  The  beast  would  eventually  break  free .  His  will  already  shattering  under  the  constant  hits .  The  fear  he  would  cease  to  exist  growing  stronger  and  stronger .  He’d  once  dreamed  of  a  better  future ,  of  a  family ,  of  a  job .  Dreams   bound  to  be  replaced  by  what  ?  A  residence  in  some  infirmary  ?  In  some  prison ?  He  could  keep  on  fighting ,  he  could  keep  on  resisting ,  he  was  going  to  lose ,  though  -  his  mind  already  weakened ,  haunted  by  fear  and  anger .  ❝  You  think  I  haven’t  tried  ? ❞    Words  that’d  come  abruptly  -  no ,  it  wasn’t  Draco’s  fault ,  he�� couldn’t  be  putting  the  blame  on  him .  He’d  done  everything  to  stop  it ,  though ,  and  this  was  only  making  it  worse .  ❝  I  am  sorry .   ❞  He  whispered  -  to  cause   the  other  any  more  fear  the  last  he  wished  for .   He  was  ashamed ,  after  all.  Not  only  because  of  the  attack  but  because  of  all  the  lies  -  that  horrible  determination  he  could  deal  with  it  alone .   ❝  I  used  my  powers  again  .  Some  days  ago  in  the  Forbidden  Forest  and  …  since  then  I’ve  been  hearing  that  voice .  Constantly .  ❞  Madness .  He  couldn’t  believe  he  was  going  insane ,  couldn’t  believe  he  was  losing  bits  of  himself .  Draco  had  every  reason  to  stop  caring  for  him  -  was  his  place  in  Hogwarts  to  begin  with  ?  ❝ I  will  find  a  way . ❞  Reassurance  to  both  himself  and  Draco .  He  would  figure  out  a  way  to  cease  the  madness .  A  way  to  silence  the  voice .   Blocking  the  power  perhaps  impossible ,  however  the  moment  he  was  certain  Draco  was  out  of  harm’s  way ,  he  would  begin   the  research .

Hatred .  What  was  hatred  if  not  another  hurricane  of  emotions  ?  Anger ,  happiness ,  hatred ,  love .  Even  the  nicest  emotions  capable  of  turning  venomous .  How  many  times  had  his  love  for  Egwene  turned  into  jealousy  and  anger ?  How  many  times  had  they  fought  over  something  so  innocent  like  love  ?  So ,  no .  Draco  feeling  hatred  for  him  would’ve  been  understandable  -  Rand  himself  had  felt  hatred  for  him .  That  moment ,  when  he’d  grabbed  him  by  the  throat,  when  he’d  pushed  him  against  the  wall ,  when  he’d  watched  life  leave  his  eyes ,  he’d  felt  pure  hatred .  But  hearing  him  call  him  a  friend  now  ?  He  was  stuck.  Stuck  between  the  dilemma  of  running  away  and  staying .  Stuck  between   protecting  the  other  and  being  brave  enough  to  fight  for  him .   ❝ I  appreciate  it .  Really . ❞   Genuine  words ,  words  that  he  meant,  words  that  he  believed .  He  didn’t  know  what  he’d  have  done  without  Draco  -  didn’t  know  how  long  he'd  have  survived ,  gripped  himself  onto  sanity .

How  long  had  he  been  having  these  nightmares ?  It  was  hard  to  tell .  Long  before  they’d  met  in  the  Common  Room ,  long  before  they’d  started  talking .  They’d  been  less  severe  back  then , less  hostile .  Capable  of  keeping  him  awake  in  the  dead  of  the  night,  though .  ❝ For  months ...  When  the  voice  came  they  became  more  specific,  though .  More  violent . ❞  His  role  in  the  destruction  much  clearer .   And  this  was  the  thing  that  terrified  him  the  most .    That  every  time  he  used  this  power,  the  darkness  seemed  to  grow  thicker  around  his  mind ,  the  destruction  much  more  complete .   ❝ Look  whatever  is  happening  to  me  is  not  important  now.  We  should  take  you  to  the  nurse .  Just …  let  me  take  you  to  her . ❞  The  longer  they  took  to  cure  potential  damages,  after  all, the  more  likely  it  was  to  have  them  stay  forever .   At  the  other’s  words ,  he  nodded .  He  was  going  to  remind  him  as  often  as  needed .  He  was  going  to  stick  around ,  help  him  -  even  if  it  meant  saving  him  from  himself ,  even  if  it  meant  becoming  both  the  hero  and  villain .   

Could  there  be  a  war  really  coming  ?  Draco’s  dreams  of  a  battle  much  too  similar  to  his  own .  Could  there  be  a  reality  residing  in  them  ?  Hogwarts  becoming  a  battlefield,  students  turning  into  soldiers . ❝ Why  is  this  war  you  are  dreaming  of  happening ? ❞  He  found  himself  asking .  Maybe  it  was  the  desperate  need  to  find  a  meaning  in  the  legends  or  an  assurance  it  was  not  madness  haunting  both .  Whatever  it  was  he  couldn’t  be  convinced  this  meant  nothing  -  that  they  were  not  heading  to  something  insanely  big .

[viperify]

Kinktober 2024 | 𝗼𝗰𝘁 𝟭𝟯: ᴛᴏᴍ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇ X ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Let me take care of you. | pt. 1

Part Two is up!

summary: You and Tom didn’t get on well. Always challenging the other, striving to become the best student of your year. When you then decided to stay at Hogwarts during your last Christmas holidays to fully focus on your study, things drastically changed…

Warnings: 18+ only! | sensual fingering, handjob, inexperienced!reader, fear of getting caught

A/N: after my last post this was very necessary. I do prefer this version of Tom ngl. Feedback is greatly appreciated! <3

wordcount: 2,7k

You and Tom Riddle were both Head Girl and Head Boy. You never got on well with the brunette, years of academic rivalry making the two of you hate each other. The smug grin he put on whenever he scored a better grade than you had you fuming every time. Oh, how much you despised that subtle arrogance.

As it was your seventh year at Hogwarts, final exams were coming up soon. Your parents were going to visit family in the US for Christmas, so you decided it was for the better to stay at Hogwarts, preparing for exam season. This sadly also meant that you would spend your birthday all alone, as your friends decided to return home during the break.

You had high ambitions for the NEWTS. Striving to become an auror, you knew you had to excel at pretty much every single subject. That was why you spent most of the first week of the holidays in the library, head stuck in Potions, Charms, Transfigurations and Defence against the Dark Arts literature. Each time you entered the library, Tom was already sitting in his usual spot, seemingly doing the same thing you were. Nerd.

He never left Hogwarts during breaks. You had been wondering for a while why that was the case. His parents must surely be proud of their son, after all he was one of the best students in the whole school. But in the end, you didn’t care.

“Anything you need help with?” The sudden question tore you out of your thoughts. You looked up to spot Tom standing there in front of you, hands in the pockets of his trousers, an eyebrow raised. You must have been staring at him for too long.

You felt your face heat up at the thought. If you didn’t need one thing, it was Tom getting another ego boost. Of course, Tom was attractive. Girls had been fancying him for years, but he did not seem interested in any of them. Harsh rejections were the outcome of anyone asking him out, even the most popular girl was left crying when she tried. You preferred challenging Tom academically but couldn’t deny his appeal. His brunette locks falling onto his forehead, his posture, his robes always neat without a crease. And his hands. You loved the veins decorating his skin, his slender fingers wrapping around his wand so perfectly.

But you didn’t like each other. And what would be more pathetic than getting rejected by the boy you hated? That was why you tried being better than him at every single test you had, because that was how to humble a Tom Riddle.

“No. I am doing perfectly fine on my own, thanks.” You replied casually, reverting your gaze to the book in front of you.

“Then stop staring. It’s a bit too obvious.” He whispered, leaning to you slightly.

“I was not staring!” You blurted out, but he had already turned around to go back to his spot. You could see the grin on his face from here, and oh how you hated it.

You couldn’t focus anymore after that and decided to go back to your dorm, taking the afternoon off. A well deserved break.

The second week continued just the same, you two and a handful other students studying in the library. However, today was your birthday and you did not want to spend that getting headaches over potion ingredients. If you could not celebrate with your friends you thought, you would at least use it to relax. And what better spot was there to relax than the Prefect’s bathroom?

You made your way towards it, carefully sneaking around the castle to not get caught. It was not too dangerous, most professors and students not being there anyway. When you had finally reached the entry, you looked around again, and as you did not see anyone, you entered the room. You had never been in there before, as obviously Tom was made prefect and not you. But as you both were head boy and head girl now, you decided you could try it out at least once.

It wasn’t well lit, yet you could still see the marble floor and statues decorating the room. It looked stunning, and with a quick wave of your wand the bathtub was filling, air becoming more humid by the minute. Bubbles were forming on the hot water and as it was almost full, you undressed yourself and stepped into the tub. First, you massaged some shampoo into your hair, letting it sit for a few minutes. Soon enough, you felt yourself grow tired, eyelids fluttering close.

You must have fallen asleep, because a loud creak of the door woke you up.

Shit shit shit.

You searched for your wand, but you remembered you had left it on top of the pile of your clothes, out of reach from the bathtub. What was there left to do? You quickly hid your exposed body under the bubbles, sinking into the water as far as you could, only letting your head peak out. Staying as silent as you could, you hoped the person barging in had seen someone was there already and would leave again without making the whole situation awkward.

“Celebrating your birthday all alone, are we?” A familiar voice questioned.

It was Tom. What on earth was he doing here and why was he coming closer?

“Leave! Get out! Can’t you see I am bathing?” You hissed, covering your body even under water.

“That’s no way to talk to someone who just wants to wish you a happy birthday.” Tom purred, now standing behind you.

“Riddle! This is completely inappropriate! What if someone sees us like this?” You shrieked.

“I locked the door, unlike you.”

“If this is just another attempt to humiliate me, you have done a great job. You can leave now.” You snapped at him.

“I am not here for that. As a Head Boy, it’s my duty to wish the Head Girl a happy birthday after all. Besides, who could resist the prettiest girl of Hogwarts mindlessly not locking the bathroom door?”

“Riddle!” You exclaimed, yet you didn’t make an effort to make him leave.

He sighed. “I see the way you are looking at me. I know you feel the same way I do. Tell me to leave again and I will. Tell me you don’t want this and we can forget about it.”

As you were struggling to answer him, he turned around, exhaling loudly.

“No, Tom. Please. Please stay.” You whispered, turning your head to finally face him. What had gotten into you? You hated him, yet you couldn’t resist him.

Tom traced back his steps, returning to your side. At first he seemed hesitant at what to do next, but then he gently started massaging your sore shoulders, his thumbs working perfect circles into your skin.

“Is it true what you are saying, Tom?”

“I don’t lie.”

You nodded but weren’t fully convinced of his true intentions. However, you loved the way he was tending to your body. Did he really think you were pretty?

“Your muscles feel very tense. You shouldn’t spend so much time studying at once.” He remarked, never stopping.

You rested your head against his chest, closing your eyes. “Is that your way of getting me to fail my finals?” You grinned, slightly shifting.

“You wouldn’t fail. We both know that. All I am saying is that you should take more care of your health.” He said, voice calm.

You hummed, solely focusing on his hands on your body.

“Do you mind me joining? It’s alright if you aren’t comfortable.” He asked carefully.

“I don’t mind.” Though, you felt yourself become nervous at the thought of sharing a tub with him. He left your side to undress himself. You could hear piece after piece of clothing dropping to the ground, and soon enough he stepped into the bathtub next to you. That was the first time you looked him into the eyes since he had entered the room, and you felt your face heat up, looking away.

“No need to get shy now. Come here.” He grinned, offering you a hand. As you reached out to grab it, he pulled you onto his lap, so you could rest your back against his chest. Goosebumps started to rise on your body, the contact between your bodies sending shivers up your spine.

“Can I touch you, darling?” He whispered in your ear, and you nodded. You were quite inexperienced when it came to intimate things like these, never having had sex or a boyfriend before. His hands first found your waist, sliding down to your thighs. He massaged them, working his thumbs into your skin. You couldn’t help but gasp at the sensation, making him plant a soft kiss on your ear.

“Let me take care of you.” He added, his hands leaving your thighs to travel up towards your breasts. Tom stopped before he reached them, and as you nodded, he cupped them in his hands. First tenderly massaging them, then rolling your hardening buds between two of his fingers. You gripped his thighs, arching your back as you moaned at the way his hands perfectly worked your body.

“That feel good?” He grinned, one arm now holding you around your waist to keep you pinned on his body. “So good. Don’t stop, please.” You whined, closing your eyes. The sensations went straight to your core and you felt yourself become wet. It all felt so wrong, yet you couldn’t get yourself to stop him.

Almost as if he sensed, his hands found their way to your aroused cunt, sliding one of his fingers through your slick folds. “Even under water I can feel you become wet. Want me to help you make you feel so good?” Tom queried, his fingers finding your clit. “Yes please, want you to touch me.” You whispered desperately. On command, Tom softly started circling his fingers around your puffy nub, eliciting soft moans and gasps from your lips.

His other hand never left your breast, still tenderly swiping his thumb over your erect bud. You felt yourself get closer to the edge, a knot forming in your lower stomach, ready to be set free. “More please, Tom” you begged him, bucking your hips against his hand.

“So needy. Who would have known?” He laughed softly, his fingers leaving your aching clit. You whined protestingly, but soon enough his finger slid down further, meeting your soaked entrance, which he traced. You squeaked at the unfamiliar feeling, water splashing around you. “Sshh. Relax. Gonna make you cum” he soothed. He entered you first with one finger, testing the waters. Soon enough a second finger prodded at your entrance, pushing into you as well. You hissed at the stretch, your body tensing up, thighs closing around his arms.

“Too much?” Tom asked you, his fingers stilling inside of you. You shook your head sligtly. “No but be careful, please.” Tom nodded. “Of course.” He slowly but surely set a slow pace, stretching you out perfectly. His other hand now slid down to meet your needy clit again, circling it.

“Tom m’ gonna cum!” You exclaimed, the feeling getting overwhelming, yet amazingly good. He sped up, murmuring sweet encouraging words into your ear.

“Come for me. Make me proud.”

Tom curled his fingers, rubbing the spongey spot inside of you. The knot inside your stomach tightened and soon enough you convulsed around his long fingers, clenching them so tightly even he groaned. Tom worked you through your orgasm, only stopping when you squeaked and closed your thighs around him. He then slowly pulled out of you, making you whine at the now empty feeling. “You did so well, darling. Such a good girl.” Tom praised as you relaxed against his warm body.

“Thank you, Tommy.” You smiled, earning a scoff from him. “You know I hate that name.”

With one quick motion you got up, turning around to now kneel between his legs, facing him. “I am sorry, Tommy.” You grinned, squealing away from him. He was quick enough to grab your arm, pulling you towards him again. “Little minx. That’s not how you treat someone who was inside of you less than two minutes ago.” He hissed, kissing your forehead. A blush spread on your cheeks, and Tom reached out to massage your scalp. “Want me to wash it out for you?” He questioned, and you nodded.

The whole seven years at Hogwarts you could have never fathomed the boy you despised like no other washing your hair, just after he made you cum on his fingers. He did it so tenderly as well, you could have fallen asleep right then and there.

“Want to get out? The water is getting cold, darling. We can’t have you getting sick.”

“Make it warm again, please. We aren’t done.” You said, kneeling between his legs again. He raised an eyebrow. “Wanna make you feel good as well, please.” You pouted, sliding your hands up his thighs.

“You don’t have to. It’s your birthday after all.” Tom grabbed your hands, stopping you.

“Oh, it’s alright if you don’t want me to.” You awkwardly tried removing your hands from his grip, but he didn’t let you. “Listen to me. I do want you to. I want nothing more than that. All I am saying is you don’t have to.”

“I want to”

“Okay then.” With a quick wave of his wand the water was warm again and you got to work. Your soft hands found his erect length, taking it in your hand. First, you swiped your thumb over his tip, making him throw his head back, groaning slightly. He rested both of his arms on the tub, letting you do your job. Your hands wrapped tightly around his cock, slowly stroking him up and down. “Good girl.” He praised, one hand finding your tits.

You continued your ministrations, going faster, paying close attention to his facial expressions. After a few minues, you could feel his cock twitch in your hand, a sign he was getting close. Then, you stopped.

He looked at you then, furrowing his eyebrows. “Don’t stop.”

“Stand up, please.”

Tom did just that and he grinned when he realized what you were planning. “Didn’t know you were such a dirty girl. Fuck.”

You continued jerking him off and he stroked your hair.

“Gonna cum, darling.” He warned you, groaning, and you opened your mouth in preparation. Soon after, hot streaks of his release shot straight into your mouth, some of it decorating your face. You made sure to milk him of every single last drop and kissed his tip afterwards, swallowing.

“That was quite the show. Filthy girl.” Tom lowered himself back into the water, pulling you onto his lap so you were facing him. He planted kisses on your collarbone, trailing all the way up to the corner of your lips.

“You got a little something there.” He smirked, swiping his thumb over your soft skin. “Open your mouth.” And you did, sucking his finger clean, never breaking eye contact.

He shook his head, grinning.

Both of you now just enjoyed each others company, holding each other close. You could feel and hear his heart thudding from where you had placed your head, relishing the intimacy between you two.

“Why did you come in here?” You questioned after some time, savoring the warmth of the water in combination with the heat radiating from Tom’s body. Your fingers drew small circles on his chest, until you rested your palm on his warm skin.

“Because I don’t want us to hate each other anymore.” He replied softly, kissing your forehead.

“I don’t think I ever hated you.”

“Me neither. I had all these girls running after me, wishing it was you.”

You smirked, tilting your head up to look at his face. His lips were so perfectly shaped, plump and had a perfect color. You leaned into him, and he closed the gap, capturing you in a breathtaking kiss that had your mind spinning.

“I am afraid I can’t let you go anymore after this.” Tom sighed, never breaking eye contact.

“Then don’t” you smiled, cuddling into him again.

[blindfaithmate]

All the Drarry fics I have read and liked - Part 1

This is in no particular order; honestly, this list has no organisational method. I am only noting down the fanfics I've read and liked.

Grounds for Divorce by Tepre - Do I even need to say anything about fic? amazing fic. The emotions, the writing, the scenes. The angry Harry and the demure Draco. Ah! Love it.

Casting in the Dark by Flowerfan- Very cute post-war 8th-year Hogwarts story. Found it on Tumblr. The first time Draco, you know, experiences that with Harry, he doesn't even notice because Harry is that oblivious and apparently drunk. It's a cute read. (Another story - To the Beat of You - Harry has a secret and because of that does not stay the night at Draco's (his boyfriend's) place. Not a heartbreaking secret. Cute secret.)

Scenes of Surrender by Rasborealis - this story made me wonder if ever I will be able to give in to something or someone completely, just as Draco did in this story. A quick summary is that Draco is quiet and keeps his head down after the war. Harry cares that he is quiet and isn't speaking much. A mute Draco is common in 8th-year stories and this one is also nice. Anyway, Harry can't leave him alone (lol) and yeah. The way the author has written down scenes where Draco is surrendering is a piece of art.

Round Trip for One by Rasborealis - They are roommates and Harry is oblivious that he loves Draco. His innocent tries to get Draco to date better leads to fights and a very cute union. Would read again if I ever had a bad day and wanted to feel better!

9 times Harry kissed Draco and the 1 time Draco kissed Harry by aw_godusopp_no - Harry doesn't like that Draco uses swear words. He has a fun way to make him stop. Draco catches on, more like, Harry told him what he is doing and the one time, Draco actually does it on purpose to get Harry to kiss him. I love these 2 goofballs.

Say It with Flowers by SasuNarufan13 - Draco uses pureblood customs to court Harry. Harry is, like always, oblivious. (I love oblivious Harry). I couldn't complete it because got too sweet for me. But I still liked it a lot. Would read parts of it again.

knickers in a twist by technicolourbeat - I have already read it thrice. Draco wears skirts. Harry gets randy. Randy, randy, randyyyy boys. Love thissss!

The Standard You Walk Past by bafflinghaze - Harry has a sleepwalking problem and Draco just wants to repay his life debt. The author has a few other Drarry fics as well that are a good read.

Now I Wake Up In The Night and Watch You Breathe by hoko_onchi - Oh, it has unhinged Harry. Super unhinged but I still love it. Harry gets Draco because he wants Draco. Stalks him, manipulates him in a way? Read the tags, definitely. But if you love toxic love, this is for youuuuu! (This gives a lot of 'You' vibes - that Penn Badgley show)

Fantastic Flip Fuck with Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy! by hoko_onchi - Oh god, can't ever forget this fic. Such lovely, lovely written smut scenes. Both are p0r*stars and come together on screen. I said that and the author really meant it. Please read it. You won't regret it.

I will be back with another list.

Please read the tags before starting a story. all my love to the authors. Really grateful to them.

Keep writing, reading, and loving Drarry 🩶 💚

[wordsarelife]

LIZZY'S SUMMER BLOWOUT !!

-> as a thank you for an amazing summer, with great interactions, beautiful and nice people on here and all your support, i decided to post all the fics set around summer or at end of it in the weeks to come!!

-> all works featured can be found here or under this hashtag: #lizzyssummerblowout

AUGUST, mattheo riddle

is he really yours, when there is someone who could love him better? -> SEPTEMBER 12

WOULD'VE, COULD'VE, SHOULD'VE, luke castellan

luke was everything to you once, now it feels like he took all that you had -> SEPTEMBER 14

STYLE, draco malfoy

draco and you never go out of style..-> SEPTEMBER 16

THE ALCHEMY, jj maybank

all this time you thought he was in love with kie, when it's really you he wants -> SEPTEMBER 18

HEY STEPHEN, peter parker

you and peter go on a mission.. and are also dating -> SEPTEMBER 20

MINE, theodore nott

theo and your life together throughout the years -> SEPTEMBER 26

IVY, knox overstreet

knox and you are not allowed to be together, but the heart wants what it wants, right? -> SEPTEMBER 22

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN), jess mariano

jess got in a fight... again -> SEPTEMBER 24

NO BODY, NO CRIME (1), theodore nott

murder mystery au in hogwarts -> OCTOBER 1

ps: thank you so much for almost 1.5k followers!! i couldn’t be more grateful for all of you and i will be doing a special as soon as we reach it!!

[the-colourful-witch]

⚡️Harry Potter⚡️

On August 2nd 2023 I posted the character lineup for Harry, our main character, most underrated in his own series... I started with a sketch for Tonks, then did a version of Hermione, Ron and Harry and it just changed my life :) I'm so grateful for each of you and I can't wait to make so much more art with you guys! 🥹💛 Now, to celebrate that one-year (!!!) anniversary, I redrew Harry. I got to experiment a lot the past year with this series and I wanted to use some of my newfound experience for Harry, Merlin knows he deserves a little love. He is so underappreciated in his own series. He's the main character, yet we all love the side characters. It's nothing bad, but we shouldn't be so hard on our hero. This is a kid with a hero complex. He feels it is his responsibility to fix things and save his friends, because his entire childhood, he has never had anyone to rely on. The adults in his life did not help him or fix things for him, or make him feel taken care of. Harry had to take care of himself. So, yes, he always thinks it is his job to solve problems or save people. He never had anyone to show him there was another way, which is pretty sad, actually.

I liked playing around with this sketch, because there are many versions of Harry... There is the Harry at Hogwarts, who is this celebrity, but not really in a good way. Everyone always gossips about him and they love him one moment, only to despise him the next. No wonder the boy hates being famous. There is also Harry during the summer when he stays with the Dursleys and gets mistreated. He wears Dudley's hand-me-downs and has to make them work. He doesn't have any friends there and he feels abandoned by the magical world. The neighbours all think he's a criminal and his aunt and uncle started that rumour. How sick is that?! We overlook Harry's abuse quite a bit in the books... But it explains a lot of Harry's character. His awkward social skills and rebellious spirit, his snarkiness and longing for family. Finally, we have Harry the teenager. The normal kid he wishes to be all the time. The one who loves Quidditch, eating candy and playing games with his friends. Who just wants to enjoy himself. Can you imagine how it must have felt when Harry found out he was good at Quidditch? A boy who never once in his life got praised for something finds out he has a natural talent for a sport and people want him to play with them. It must have felt amazing! I like Harry a lot. He's a great protagonist and makes the books great. Yes, the side characters are all colourful and wonderful, but Harry carries the show on his back. I applauded him for it ⚡️

To end this post, here's the version of Harry from 1 year ago:

[drarryspecificrecs]

2024.09 ~ Top 10 longest fics posted on AO3

1. Take Me to Voldemort by @sweetiecutiedarling [M, 702k]

How did everyone miss it? That dark look in Potter's eyes? They were all too happy to gloss over his insistence that the Dark Lord had returned, acting as if the wild claims were endearing and not signs of a manic break. [...] Draco never could have predicted Potter's particularly daft and entirely sincere response, especially considering that Potter did not even take a breath before saying it. "Let's do it. Take me to Voldemort."

2. Twin flames by Wizarding_Whatif [M, 561k]

After the war has ended, Harry finds himself at a loss for what to do with himself. [...] Draco Malfoy is also asking the big questions in life after the war. [...] They both get invited back after a year of rebuilding to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. [...] This year, however, the returning students are to be resorted, Harry is but Draco is not. This year an entirely different adventure awaits the two men. With an ancient love spell cast on Harry before School the unknown consequences grow steeper as the year goes on, leaving the entire wizarding world on the edge of their brooms for news of their savior. Can a villain become a hero? Will the hero get a happy ending?

3. The Wrong Sort by ladybirdlad [?, 135k] *typo

After Dolores Umbridge becomes Hogwarts’ new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Harry decides something must be done about her and her appalling tutelage and misinformation. Surprisingly, the hatred of their new simpering pink professor spreads further than just Harry and his friends. Far enough that even those who he once considered enemies are now tentative allies. But how much is unity against Umbridge and how much is something more?

4. Dreary by raspberrybalm [E, 177k]

A vile of Felix Felicis, a Resurrection Stone, and a blond walk into an Avada… The punchline? Draco's life, it would seem. He can't win for losing. His mother's gone, his girlfriend's in love with his mate, and The Order won't take him no matter how many baddies he slaughters. The solution? A Time Turner. The solution to the consequential havoc of messing with time? Harry Potter, of course. Only, the bloke's been dead for fifteen years. Good thing Draco eats Death for breakfast.

5. Pieces Of Me by @shewhomustnotbenamed [E, 88k]

Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter have never been friends. After finding themselves isolated from others due to their own specific problems, they somehow connect. While Harry ignores his issues with addiction, and Draco disguises just how horrible his relationship is, a friendship blooms between them. Draco must choose between the life he's known for the past five years with Cormac McLaggen, or the life that Harry offers him, and the consequences that follow.

6. Ouroboros by inkysand [T, 81k]

“But now we’re all trapped in this place with Bellatrix lurking around,” Ron said once he’d calmed down. “And it sounds like Malfoy’s all set on fixing the Compact. But what’s that going to do for You-Know-Who? If we get bumped out of here, do we go back and get killed by a dark wizard who’s got all his power back and is already in control at Hogwarts?” None of them had answers to those questions.

7. Silver Tone Rich Kids by @shelvesuponshelves [M, 73k]

Best friends since they were four, Slytherins Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have been the shitty spoiled rich kids of Hogwarts for years. But when Harry decides he wants to improve himself and Draco can't get on board, Draco's world begins to fall apart when Harry moves on to new friends. [...]

8. A Beginner's Guide to Living by kzwjhkdo [E, 62k]

In the aftermath of the war to end all wars, Harry had dutifully tried to follow the path set out for him. He'd tried to hack it as a wizard cop. He'd tried heterosexuality. He'd tried to exist in the public eye as a hero, saviour, beloved golden boy. He'd tried. Ultimately, he'd only lasted a few months before he'd disappeared into thin air. It's been fifteen years, now—it's been precisely fifteen years, six months, and twenty days. A lot has changed. Draco is a photographer, working with Pansy Parkinson at her fashion magazine. He has a potion business on the side. He's grown, he has a carefully cultivated life, and he's sure to have a very normal reaction to seeing Harry Potter again.

9. Infairitance by @toxik-angel [T, 61k]

It's August 1999, and Harry only plans on returning Malfoy's wand to him in his weird little potion shop. The Malfoy he meets there is not the Malfoy he expected. He also was not expecting to see Fred's... unanimated corpse.

10. The Marauders and Harry's 8th year by @ghbookfreak [G, 59k]

A story where the quartet gets transported through time to Harry's 8th year at Hogwarts.

—

※ Word count: 1k ~ 15k

※ Word count: 15k ~ 40k

cheeks pink in the twinkling lights by mr_prongs [E, 21k]

Entrapment by @mykkitno [M, 19k]

Explosive Encounters by TotallyNotMagic [M, 31k]

Harry Potter and the Snake in the Park 'Round his House by @sillspore [M, 30k]

Have you not realised? by Millsy [?, 15k]

Liquid Silk by @coffeedrgn87 [E, 16k]

Long-term by Plume1304 [M, 17k]

Love at it's Kore by @sightedkarma [M, 39k]

Potions, Poisons, and Other Cures for Heartache by semperubi [?, 37k]

retrogade echoes by sectumsempra [E, 35k]

Shelter from the Storm by @actual-howlinglikeaseaturtle [T, 20k]

This isn't the Window to your Soul (Even if you think it is) by @emeraldvssilver [?, 15k]

—

Ongoing Fest/Exchange

※ Fics would be listed elsewhere.

Drarry Let’s Play Fest 2024 | @drarry-lets-play

HD Hurt-Comfort Fest 2024 | @hd-hurtcomfort-fest

HP Drizzle Fest 2024 | @hpdrizzle

HP Horrible Goose Fest 2024 | @horriblegoosefest

Unleashed! Fest 2024 | @unleashed-fest

Bring Back The Porn Challenge (1)

First Time Exchange 2024 (1)

Freaky Friday 2024

[lightcreators]

His cousin knew ? As simple that thought was, an blink welcomed his features as he gently stared silently. Naturally, by the moment he had been receiving that particular gift coming from her, he immediatly had been attracted by strangness of that coin --- in same manner, he had been directly understood there must be one particular reason for his eyes be unable to desiring read the small letters inscribed on it … Nevertheless, as far remembrances goes, his cousin never expressed an kind of awareness about him being Fear itself --- she would have looked … intrigued … about how, as human as he was, he could be an representation of it, right ? She might feared about the consequences he could brought to the wizarding world. She might not desiring probably herself believe about such knoweldge be true … How he could blame her ? Coming from his recollections, if indeed, she was aware about it … it was something recent. It was something who must had been confirmed by Philip Butler himself, in which, considering he was an hundreds of years witch associated to the cruetly of miracles, considering his cousin managed to get him that connection back, he would have been the kind of guy to know it … Nevertheless, he spoke to Philip Butler a couple of minutes ago. He had been leaving Philip Butler who had tested amusingly his determination ! He sensed, in middle of their conversation, he would need to talk to that man another time again in the day … as with him, if he exploded mentally with all anger and all vengeful intent he might have, he will be understood, the main concerned won't even react and will possibly appreciating it !

Besides, he had been realizing soon enough at the leprechaun insisted over his last sentence. It was an offer he couldn't refuse. Basically an reflection about what he had been experiencing with the underground couple of minutes prior, where presence of other monsters sounded dramatically familiar but reassuring compared to the villains he would be associated with --- By expressing his feelings in front of Philip Butler with that kind of gamble, he would get names. Not many wasn't an answer. He needed names. He needed to know exactly how many these people knew about his own case --- and how far they had moved their ass for him ! It wasn't just something he could ignore and making it pass as nothing happened. Mentally, since the wizarding world was going to taste his ruling anyway, no matter the result of the roulette, touching that part of himself could only making him further … uncontrollable. He would understood circumstances in another view of the perspective he already have. He would realizing further elements inside the bigger schemes in which he had been left ignorant with. Simply by the admission, it had been confirmation he always had been piece of someone else. ❝ I guess I would have to find them myself~ ❞ He expressed with slight amusement. ❝ And I suppose it's recent for my cousin, even though you are so amused about it like another man~ ❞ His cousin would have reacted differently if she had knew it since the beginning. For Butler, the knoweldge probably changed nothing --- oh, maybe he turned a bit more possessive over the future kid he didn't get the luck to have hundreds of years ago … but, either way, they would speak the same language. They already spoke the same language. He was supporting villains hiding in the shadows, representation of an silent terror, and he would be supported in return … as amusingly he was their somehow boss in which they deeply respected, even if officially he will never be associated with them in same manner he would be an privileged noble !

Emotional digestion towards actual circumstances didn't bring an full attention towards other wizards around them, since having an half-private conversation in middle of the street was already something. However, his expression reacted with offense towards sudden comment over his father. Currently, it was for the best his dad didn't know where he was doing in middle of the wizarding world --- where how he was settling business was quite coming from his own definitions ! Hence, he watched around and apparently missed out the spot of where his father was, where offense was soon replaced with mockery concerning greed. ❝ Mischief is in our blood. ❞ He commented simply. As he simply refused to put race name upon his blood --- ❝ Besides, since I'm Fear itself, wasn't my blood a little more powerful and dangerous than the one of other humans around me ? I don't think divinities have same blood as humans. ❞ Sadly, he wasn't going to get Hades any time soon for judging how different his blood was … or even his had abilities other aren't. Ah, being provoked --- he had been suffering lot with Butler. Inside his defense about his comment about being an joke, he reacted with another mocking sound. Mere instant of panic inside his body managed to calm down. He nodded as he could ignoring the offense made few seconds ago, as their conversation had to return to that COIN. This time, he cannot helped to feel amused. ❝ I can only borrow you that coin --- if it's the only mean to help me to be myself as you say … Consequences will be something you will have to deal with anyway. Though, free me ? ❞ Inside current circumstances, his mockery was honest. Wasn't beginning to be trapped inside his own fate right in the moment ? Wasn't beginning to be trapped inside circumstances currentlty ? ❝ It looks like I'm sealed into that coin … ❞ There was an displeasure about that, and there was an associated consciousness his awakening … might be terrible. He concluded all by himself meanwhile pondering all the other illusions he would have realizing, coming from his previous life, coming from tragedy of circumstances … and realizing he had REALLY lost his brother where he lost one in an previous life … It wasn't going to be a motivational boost. He was going to destroy those who got him into this mess !

The leprechaun quirked a brow, he didn't honestly know how many people new of Draco's true self. He was well aware, as was Philip Butler, his cousin Professor Burke, and maybe two others. "As fer how many others know fer fear I can't say. I'm supposing not many. Yer cousin is aware of it. She entrusted in me to help you." he replied. emerald hues looking the young lad over. He was fear and he could sense it in his being. How he was supposed to help him, was left an open book. Part of Murtogg wanted to unleash havoc amongst the masses. Mischief in its finest form, but another bit of him knew there could be massive consequence in the whole wizarding universe if that happened.

He took a breath before looking around curiously at the bustling wizards and witches around. Something was calling to the leprechaun but he couldn't place what it was. It wasn't gold. Maybe a touch of greedy ambitions? He took a sniff from the air and could see Lucius Malfoy - the lad's father - eyeing him over. Murtogg snorted for a moment, "Y'sure yer dad doesn't have leprechaun blood in him? As greedy as he is." he tiptoed around teasing and testing the patience's of fear himself. Just to see what would happen if his family was insulted. Not that Murtogg meant anything by it, hell who said Leprechaun blood was bad? Who wouldn't want natural luck and mischief freely flowing in their veins?

"I'm only joking. Y'know ... leprechaun?" he retorted proudly outing himself in a place full of witches and wizards who probably thought him nothing more than something like a cave troll or goblin. Second class compared to them. Murtogg didn't care, his species were different. They had their own rights within the Ministry anyways. His cousin did seem to trust the leprechaun deeply, which he return the feelings in kind. He do anything she asked of him, that's how much of a friendship they had. "Listen, if y'give me the coin ... I'll make everything worth it fer you. I don't think y'can really be yourself without it .. but the wee bit of magic on it needs t'be lifted. I can do that fer you."

[sevilynne]

I don't get how people still hate Severus when Harry was the one who apparently experienced "trauma" from him, and Harry is Severus's #1 biggest defender now.

"Snape bullied kids!"

And Minerva (And other professors) did too but you completely ignore them and focus on your prejudices with Severus. The fact that Severus threatened Neville into poisoning his toad and Minerva literally locked out a child from the Gryffindor common room when apparently there's a mass murderer inside of Hogwarts shows a huge difference. You justify Minerva's actions because you either like her or you don't hate her as much as you do with Severus.

Severus says Hermione is a know-it-all and Minerva degraded (and publicly humiliated) Neville saying that he'll never be able to transfigure a teapot.

Then here we have Hagrid disfiguring a child and insults his appearance because he hates his dad.

And the difference is, Severus would never disfigure a kid.

Madam Pince literally hexed Ginny and Harry's things. Mcgonagall sent four children into the forbidden forest with HAGRID, she knew what she was doing when she sent them with Hagrid. If Neville did that? He would serve detention with her.

She bent the "First Years aren’t allowed their own Broomsticks" for HARRY. That's favouritism and that's all because Slytherin was dominating the House Cup. Would Severus bend the "First Years aren’t allowed their own Broomsticks" for Draco just because he wants a medal sticking in his office? No.

Minerva let Severus bully the Golden Trio (Primarily Harry) through Years 1-6, why did she let that happen? Why didn't she tell her colleague off? Well, that would be hypocritical considering she also does that.

In Year 7, she allows DEs to torture students.

She was mad at Fake Professor Moody because he transfigured a student and not the fact that he was repeatedly banged a students head on the ground.

Minerva is just as bad as Severus, she gave them harsh punishments but you guys look in deep in Harry's biased point of view that you guys think Minerva is just strict and Severus bullied children.

And if Minerva was just "strict" to Harry, imagine what she did with other students? She practically bullied them.

Haha... But no. We should just look at Severus because he's the bad guy and not because the wizarding world's punishments are completely different from real life / muggle views. These type of stuff are normal (and controversial) in the wizarding world. SEVERUS WASN'T THE ONLY PERSON TO DO THIS.

Everyone did this as a professor, it's normal in the wizarding world. This is not to justify Severus's actions, but if you hate Severus and like other professors... Then you're a hypocritical person.

"Severus became a DE!"

He was in Slytherin, he was influenced by the Pure-Blood obsession that people in his house had. He simply became a DE because he was a curious child who wanted to learn about the dark arts.

Did Severus torture or kill people like death eaters like Barty and Bellatrix did? Haha...

To put my last post about this in summary:

Severus was neglected by his parents (And heavily implied that he was also abused), gets bullied by two boys resulting in 4v1 (This was because he wanted to go to Slytherin. He sneered back and James & Sirius wanted to bully Severus because they were two spoilt brats who cannot let "Snivellus" sneer back since they'll never get used to someone sneering at them [Since they always get away with it] They come from two rich pure-blood families, what did you expect?), almost gets killed and Remus nor Sirius gets any consequences about it, his life is worth a detention to Dumbledore. James flexes to Lily that he saved Severus's life (With a modified version of the prank since she'll know about Sirius were primarily involved in a negative way and it's his best friend right?) and Lily, his apparent best friend, BELIEVES HIS BULLY OVER HIM. This is what you call the only positive thing in his life? If this is what you call the only positive thing in his life, then his life is fucked up. Lily holding her smile and blushing while James does horrible things to her best friend, gets surprised and furious when Severus calls her a mudblood, then his private part being showed to the whole school.

I would be heavily embarrassed if I were Severus, no, I would honestly cry and drop out.

Severus got manipulated and heavily influenced by rich, pure-blooded Slytherins because he was given the respect that he never got in his life, he was influenced to have prejudiced thoughts when he never had those thoughts when Lily got her letter, infact, he comforted her. That says A LOT about this. Severus was invited into that DE cult because he wanted more of that respect—more of that power—more of the fame. He just wanted to feel respected. Because that was what he was not given at Hogwarts.

"Snape deserved the bullying, he bullied the Marauders in the train. / Someone had to do it."

Who threw the first direct insult? Sirius. Who threw the first indirect insult? James. What did Severus do? Sneer back. Did he deserve those years of bullying? No.

You literally take references from ATYD and other #severussnapeslander Wolfstar, Jily, Rosekiller, and Jegulus fics from AO3. Don't act like Sirius and James aren't worse.

When did he deserve to almost die? When did he deserve to get bullied every single day? When did he deserve to get sexually harassed?

How would you feel if it was you?

How would you feel if the people who bullied you were painted as heroes?

People who sexually assaulted and almost killed you?

The lack of empathy from Mstans just prove that they are vicious bullies bullying an eleven year old and calling the kid derogatory names doesn't make you less of an evil person as Severus is.

At least have the respect to call him by his last name.

"James and Draco aren't similar! James is better than Draco."

James literally sounds like the worst version of Draco Malfoy.

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

"Imagine being in Hufflepuff, I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" - Draco Malfoy, Philosopher's Stone.

"Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" - James Potter, Deathly Hallows.

- Laughs at a muggle woman getting SA'd in Quidditch world cup, finds it funny, and makes a joke of Hermione getting SA'd. -

“Granger, they’re after Muggles,” said Malfoy. “D’you want to be showing off your knickers in midair? Because if you do, hang around . . . they’re moving this way, and it would give us all a laugh.”

- Sexually assaults Severus and finds it funny, uses it to impress Lily. -

There was another flash of light, and Snape was once again hanging upside-down in the air.

'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?'

— Both are rich purebloods —

- Draco saves Harry to make sure his family doesn't get in trouble -

"There's something there," he whispered. "it could be the scar, stretched tight.... Draco, come here, look properly! What do you think?"

Harry saw Draco's face up close now, right beside his father's.

"I don't know," he said, and he walked away toward the fireplace where his mother stood watching.

- James saves Severus to make sure his friends doesn't get in trouble -

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

We aren't even talking about James and Draco being bullies who have no empathy for their victims, sure, James isn't just one-dimensional and Draco is morally grey, but James was just caring around his friends, other than that? Not so much. He was stuck with his friendgroup being sycophants (Sirius because James loved him as a brother, Remus who didn't want to speak up about the bullying because James and Sirius picked him up even if he was a poor half-blood, and Peter who wants to fit in.) Draco was stuck with Slytherins being sycophants because he was a rich, high status pure-blood with friends he made as slaves.

Both were spoiled, arrogant, attention-hungry, and self-entitled, traits common among children of their background. Draco would bully the kind of people James befriended, while James would bully the kind of people Draco associated with.

"Snivellus—"

If you're fine with calling Severus a derogatory name, you must be fine calling Luna "Loony" as well.

"Severus called Lily a mudblood."

Severus was a mudblood as well, you wouldn't care if people–of–colour use the N-word on others but you care if Severus does?

Severus also said that in the heat of moment, his best friend did literally NOTHING for the minutes of time he was getting assaulted and she was a prefect.

He said that for masculinity.

Lily didn't do anything for the period of while he was getting assaulted, instead, she held her smile.

Severus would've casted an unforgivable to James or Sirius or anyone who would've done that to Lily, but Lily did the opposite.

Instead, she stood there, blushing.

Severus apologized to her numerous of times, probably not even knowing what his best friend did.

Not justifiable, but still a very good argument.

"Lily was a good friend."

You call LILY a good friend? The one who would believe her best friend's bully over her best friend? The one who would laugh and blush while her best friend gets physically assaulted? The one who watched her best friend get assaulted AND she was a prefect.

Lily was NOT a good friend, she was a terrible one. I also will always held on that Lily secretly waited for the Mudblood incident to drop Severus off, you know, since Severus was a weirdo.

“They don’t use Dark Magic, though.” She dropped her voice. “And you’re being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there—”

They don't use dark magic? It doesn't stop them from bullying kids. She doesn't even know the whole story and yet, she is judging.

- She lashes out on Severus instead of her sister -

"I don’t want to talk to you-" she said in a constricted voice. "Why not?" "Tuney h-hates me. Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore.”

It's basically Severus's fault because they got the letter and Petunia didn't? She blames Severus for getting the letter and not her sister for her jealousy?

Lily, whose furious expression had twiched for an instant as though she was going to smile said - let him down!

Ah... Yes, let's watch our best friend get assaulted infront of the whole school and let them be. That's a very nice best friend.

Now tell me, where was she a good friend? She was not an angel, she was terrible.

She also blames Severus for having Evan, Mulciber II, Avery, Wilkes, Rodolphus, and possibly having Narcissa, Lucius, Rabastan, and Regulus as well. Did she expect that she would only be Severus's friend considering he's in a house full of pure-bloods? It was an unspoken rule in Slytherin to basically have pure-blood friends. She doesn't get that, she doesn't understand him, because he is evil in her eyes.

She doesn't get the points that Severus makes, because Severus was already bad in her eyes.

He had questionable company, sure, but Severus wanted companions too like she did with other Gryffindors, so why can't he have friends in his house. She's friends with Gryffindors who basically despise him.

So if he was friends with people that would've called her a mudblood and she didn't like it, why is she inlove with a Gryffindor who bullied Severus anytime he got?

Severus called Lily a mudblood because he was being humiliated infront of the whole school, he didn't want her to see him being weak, so he lashed out.

He was a Slytherin, pretty common by now that his banquet of friends used that word pretty often, and there you have it. Severus never meant to hurt Lily, but it did slip out of his tongue.

Not justifying his actions here (Pretty obvious by my wording) but Lily was NOT innocent in terms here.

"Snape was obsessed with Lily."

Ahh... Yes. Severus was the one who forced Lily to go out with him, Severus was the person to bully her best friend, Severus told her to go out with him and he wouldn't bully his best friend anymore.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Because it's not him.

Severus grieved Lily the way Sirius grieved James, yet you don't call Sirius obsessed because he loved James as a brother, Severus's love for Lily was never proved to be romantic.

Aha! Now I made you think.

The same patronus means true love—not obsession. He stayed away from her marriage but still loved her from afar, when he realized the information he gave Voldemort could harm Lily, he offered his life to Dumbledore. He even asked Dumbledore to save James for the sake of Lily.

Sirius would've done the same for James.

After Lily's death, he was devastated, he wished he were dead, he became spy for Dumbledore, and all of that.

Severus and Lily were childhood best friends; Lily was Severus's only "true" friend.

His patronus was a doe, pure light magic (Hence most DEs can't perform a patronus). It wouldn't be affected by obsession.

I don't get why some people think Severus was purely obsessed with Lily, because there will always be a special person in someone's heart and Lily just happens to be Severus's special person.

Even Sirius and Remus who were capable of making such lies about Severus in order to hide everything from Harry, didn't say nothing about Severus stalking Lily or tried to persue her.

She dies and he feels suicidal.

Why do people think this is obsession? Severus had no one, the reason why Sirius could hold himself before he died is because he wanted to take care of Harry, to love him like he loved James. Severus couldn't because he's a death eater and he couldn't love himself, how can he love Harry when Harry looks exactly like his bully. And Severus can't take care of Harry legally anyway, Sirius could because he is his godson.

If Severus was obsessed with Lily, then Harry was obsessed with his dead dad : /

JK. Rowling even said that he wasn't obsessed, how are people so pressed about it?

I just don't get it, why would JK. Rowling write Severus's obsession with Lily and offering his whole life just to have s*x with her everyday on a CHILDREN'S BOOK?

Meanwhile James: - Doodled her initials in his OWL paper, publicly humiliated her friend just to make him look bad in front of her, tried to blackmail Lily into dating him, threatened to hex her and had a map that literally tracked down everybody's (including Lily's) movements. -

"Severus made sure Remus was gone from Hogwarts."

Yes after Remus endangered three children, he already got away with it the first time, he shouldn't in another time.

Remus was completely irresponsible and forgot to take Wolfsbane, sure, he was a good DADA professor, but almost killing three children?

I don't think the Grangers nor Weasleys would want to hear about this.

Thank you for reading my paragraphs of how stupid Mstans can be.

Not everything is about defending Severus, but the double standards are crazy...

Yes, Severus told the prophecy, bullied children, etc. But he's a two-dimensional character who saved the Wizarding World, if Severus didn't apologize to Lily, you'd attack him too.

So... Stop using ATYD references and start adding braincells in your head.

Have a great day! 😓

(Add more if you want to.)

[bitkahuna]

“His name is creature?” Harry asked with a sour expression.

“Unfortunately, yes. Most people don’t care to give house elves more personable names.”

He only looked more bewildered. “Wizards name the house elves? What about the elf’s parents?”

Sirius froze a second before mumbling, “I’d never thought of that.”

He looked around the house once more, frowning. “Has he been alone all these years?”

“Seems so.” He grumbled, sorting through some cabinets.

“No wonder he looks so battered.”

“He’s always looked that way.” Sirius spoke dismissively.

“That isn’t better.”

“He’s a house elf.”

“Remus is a werewolf.”

Sirius froze, staring Harry down. “Did you really just say that?”

“They’re both people. You’re just okay with treating Kreacher like trash. Others would treat Remus just as terribly if they knew.”

His words cut through the air, causing Sirius to stiffen. The older wizard twitched slightly, trying to find an argument. “House elves like their jobs.”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “What does that have to do with being abused? Or do you mean they like that too?”

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Working on a Drarry fic; full rewrite of the series extending beyond Hogwarts, fucking around with Harry's maternal grandmother who doesn't have a canonical maiden name, and Harry generally being more proactive and inclined towards underhanded tactics. Also, trauma!

edit: posted the fic