#yeah. get scared. cause you sometimes act like you have no regard for your own wellbeing

[indigo-pdf]

I love when desi dads get scared of their less that five feet tall wife and five feet something tall daughter.

[sinner-as-saint]

illicit affairs

Mob!seb x nanny!reader

Run-through: You work for the city’s most feared and respected mob boss, Sebastian. Sure, he has a bad reputation on the news, and most people would stay as far away from him as possible, but not you. Because to you, he’s just the single dad whose toddlers you watch Monday through Friday. You admire the man, but he holds a secret close to his heart – despite knowing you are in a relationship, he can’t help but fall hopelessly in love with you...

Themes: mob!seb, smut, angst, mentions of infidelity, fluff

Sebastian came home late, again.

Work had been stressful lately, but the sight of his home made him feel much, much better. Inside the mansion, he knew his two boys would be asleep by now, after causing a ruckus all day. Tucked into bed by you.

As he stepped inside his home, he had a smile on his face just at the thought of you. Y/N…

He had appointed you to be his kids’ nanny about a year ago. And he knew it was wrong, but for the past year or so there wasn’t day where he hadn’t wished that you were his girl instead. He knew you were in a relationship with a boyfriend of yours. And yet, each time he saw your face – which was almost each morning and evening during the week – he couldn’t help but tell himself that he would treat you so much better.

Maybe it was your warmth, or your gentleness. Or how you could take control of the situation whenever the boys acted up. He had always liked you, since the very first day. But the day he knew his feelings for you were so much more firm and real than just a crush happened a few months ago;

The eldest of the twins, Stefan, had a pretty serious allergic reaction to something he ate. It was Sebastian’s fault. But despite it being a weekend, when the boy was rushed to the hospital, Sebastian called you; panicking and scared and worried sick.

You didn’t think twice before driving to the hospital as well. You had grown to adore his boys, they were so precious. And hearing that one of them was sick, you panicked as well. You also rushed because you knew Sebastian would be alone and you had grown to care about him as well. There, as soon as he saw you down the hallway, Sebastian didn’t think twice before rushing to hug you. It did take you by surprise, his sudden display of affection but you comforted the worried father nonetheless.

It surprised him as well, that he relied on you for emotional support. But he had been lonely his whole life, and he didn’t know what to do. You were the closest thing he had to a friend or family, so he held on to you. Something changed that day, for the two of you.

Since that day, his feelings for you solidified. And despite it being wrong, he couldn’t help it. He wanted you. Craved you more than he had anything before. But you were taken.

 Sebastian stepped into the large, open living room and found you gathering his kids’ toys into a huge basket. You were knelt on the carpet flooring and you had a faint smile on your face as you put away the chaos caused by the 4-year old little monsters.

He lingered around and admired you from afar. Your hair was down today, red lipstick like always. You wore a little, black summer dress. You looked breathtaking. So close, but he couldn’t just reach out and touch you because you belonged to someone else.

How he wished you were his and he could just have you in his arms and kiss you and tell you about his day after he asked you about yours. Sebastian scoffed quietly at the thought of the boyfriend you had. Lucky bastard, whoever he was.

He cleared his throat and that caught your attention. “You’re back,” you said softly and smiled at him. You rose to your feet. “I just put them to bed.”

Sebastian smiled and nodded. Then pointed at the pile of mess around your feet. “I’m sorry they make such a mess all the time.”

You smiled and shook your head. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.” You replied and Sebastian smiled bigger.

“Well, once you’re done handling it, could you come up and meet me in the library? There’s something we need to discuss before you leave.”

You smiled and nodded. “Sure, Mr. Stan.”

He sighed as he turned around to leave. “For the hundredth time, Y/N, it’s Sebastian.” He said playfully and left the room.

You smiled and watched him leave. He was so easy to be around. And talk to. And you would be lying if you said you didn’t find the man charming and attractive with his bad boy charm around all the time. He was the kind of man who dominated whatever room he entered. Handsome, dangerous and electric – he had quite the reputation for being bad.

But you were one amongst the few people who knew that Sebastian also had a heart of gold. He was good to his kids, better than most parents were. He was attentive and dedicated his entire weekends to his boys. He made his kids his priority. And they loved him, he was their superhero.

You talked to him each day, usually after the kids went to bed, which is around the same time he comes home. You filled him in on the day, told him about all the mischief the boys were up to and showed him all the work they did with their teacher who came by each day. Sebastian preferred his kids to be privately tutored from home, instead of risking sending them to school. And he was more than able to afford an expensive education for them, he practically owned a huge chunk of the city itself.

He was quite hard to read though. In the beginning, you used to think he didn’t like you, given how little he talked to you. But over time, he opened up just a little more. You didn’t know much about him in the beginning, other than the fact that he was a mob. But the more time you spent in his house, the more you heard the housekeepers talk about him.

So far you gathered that the reason he was a single dad is because he had a temporary fling with a woman he didn’t know too well, but then she got pregnant but decided she couldn’t take up the responsibility of being a mother so when the babies were born, she handed them over to Sebastian and took off. No one’s heard of her since. And the reason why Sebastian doesn’t date or marry is because he’s very protective of his kids and can’t just let anyone in his life anymore. Besides, dating such a powerful man couldn’t possibly be just anyone’s cup of tea. Being in a relationship with him would be thrilling, risqué – almost illicit given his reputation. So you thought.

You admired many things about him, but mainly how he made his family and their happiness his priority.

 After you tidied up the toys, you took the stairs up and walked over to the grand library/study room Sebastian had in his house. He didn’t read much, but he did tell you that you were more than welcomed to use it whenever you wanted. So you did spend a lot of time here actually, when the kids napped during the day or when they were taking lessons from their teacher.

You knocked on the door, and he asked you to come in. You smiled at him as you entered, he sat at his large, mahogany desk with a glass of wine in his hand. He had changed out of his dark suit, now in a cream colored sweater. He still looked better than ever. You wouldn’t lie, you did have an innocent crush on the man. How could you not?

“Have a seat.” He said warmly, pointing at the chair right across him. “Wine?”

You shook your head. “No, thank you.” he kept his eyes on you as he took a sip out of his glass. And it was situations like these with him that made it hard to breathe for you. Why did he have to be so handsome? Focus, Y/N. “You said you wanted to discuss something.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I… uh, we’ll get to that in a minute. Tell me about your day.” He listened patiently, with a permanent smile on his face, as you told him all about what the boys did during the day. Truth is, as much as he loved listening about all the things his sons did, he also loved listening to your voice. It calmed him down after his long, and hard days at work.

The conversation flowed back and forth between the two of you almost effortlessly. And he finally got to the point. What he needed to talk to you about was regarding his work. Turns out, his guys are perfectly able to handle fights and guns but they were morons when it came to paperwork. So Sebastian needed someone to handle his paperwork here from home. Somewhat like a PA. And he knew he’d have a hard time trusting someone else, and he knew you were more than capable of doing it. So he decided to ask you instead.

Part of the reason why he asked you may or may not have been because if you did agree to it, you’d be around him a lot more. Given you would be spending much more time at his place.

“Your salary would be doubled the figure it is now. However you would have to sacrifice some more hours of your personal time for me each day. Maybe even sometimes on the weekends.” He paused and watched you intently. “I know it’s a lot to ask for, but things have been rough lately and I can’t trust anyone else.” He explained.

You gave it a proper thought. Doubled the salary? Your current salary was in itself much, much more than most nannies. Also, taking up this job as well would result in you spending more time here, and around the kids – whom you adored more than anything. You couldn’t see the cons of saying yes.  

“If it’s alright with you, I would love to take up the job.” You answered, looking down at your lap.

Sebastian smiled. “Think about it, I’m asking for a lot of your time. Will your boyfriend be okay with that?” he asked. It burnt his tongue to even say it out loud. He scoffed under his breath. He hadn’t ever met your boyfriend, only saw him once when he came to pick you up one night. Sebastian never talked to him or anything, but he still hated the guy more than anything.

He watched how your demeanor changed at the mention of your boyfriend. You seemed… sad. What the hell? You kept your eyes on your lap but to Sebastian it seemed like something was wrong. “Are you okay, Y/N?” he asked again, setting his glass down.

You chuckled sadly. “Yes,” you exhaled loudly, “Everything’s alright.” you still didn’t meet his eyes and Sebastian grew worried.

“Look at me,” he used his ‘mob boss voice’ and you had to obey, all while ignoring the unfamiliar chill dancing down your spine which was not unpleasant at all. “Something’s bothering you.” he pointed out in his no nonsense voice. “What is it?”

You shrugged. “I’m fine, Mr. Stan. It’s nothing.” You said. But Sebastian persisted. He shook his head and stared at you attentively right in the eyes.

“You’re not leaving this room until you tell me what’s bothering you.” he sounded authoritative but not pushy. And for some weird reasons, his voice reverberated through you and ended right where it shouldn’t – in between your legs.

You cleared your throat to try to make it seem like his intense stare and the lingering scent of his cologne weren’t making you weak in the knees. You chuckled again nervously out of habit. “I shouldn’t be discussing my personal problems with my employer, Mr. Stan.” You spoke politely, almost playfully.

Sebastian stood up, and walked around the table and sat down on the seat beside you – all while maintaining your stare. “Then let me be a friend.” he inched closer to you, leaning his body forward with his elbows on each one of his knees. “What is it? Tell me.” His voice was quiet, soft but still raw and manly. And if it’s that boyfriend of yours, I will kill him.

You found your voice again. “Uh, well I found out earlier this week that my boyfriend’s been cheating on me for a month now.” you looked up and smiled sadly at Sebastian. “But I just don’t have the courage or the energy to argue and confront and break up, it just… it seems like- I don’t know, I’m so sorry I shouldn’t be telling you all this, I-,”

Yup, definitely killing him.

He cut you off by leaning forward again and taking your hands from your lap and held them in his. His thumb gently stroked the back of your hand mindlessly as he stared at you. Surprisingly, you felt lighter after tell him.

Sebastian was surprised as well. Who in their right mind would treat you like this? He flashed back to earlier this week and you seemed perfectly fine. Maybe you suppressed your emotions and put on a façade for work but it still made him upset that he didn’t see it. He should’ve seen it.

“Hey,” he scooted to the edge of the seat just to be closer to you and a whiff of your perfume hit him right in the nose and he almost closed his eyes to relish it but that would be weird, so he got a grip on himself. “You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You should’ve dumped his ass the minute you found out, Y/N. I mean, why the hell are you still with him?” he sounded a little hyper.

You looked down to where your hands rested in his large, warm ones. “I don’t know. Relationships are complicated. I was scared, and worried. The thought of having to search for someone else, date them and trust them again, it seemed so… tiring.” You chuckled dryly again. “Besides, I doubt anyone would want to take me seriously.”

He noticed the sadness in your voice and he didn’t like it one bit. Not only was that asshole of a boyfriend of yours cheating on you, but he was also making you feel insecure about yourself. And Sebastian couldn’t hold it in anymore. You were so close, he could just lean in and kiss you. But he figured he should confess first.

“Take you seriously?” Sebastian shook his head, as if unable to believe what you were saying. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he asked, his eyes showing an emotion you couldn’t quite name.

“Sebastian… what?” you were confused. Heart racing at the proximity, your body on fire just because he held your hands, and your emotions were a mess. Just one thing made sense; him.

Sebastian looked down at your hands in his and then looked back up at you. “I can’t be in the same room as you for long. Know why? Because I’m not sure I can contain myself around you. You drive me crazy. You’ve stolen my heart since day one, and then you took over my entire being.”

He paused and let you process it all, then continued. “If you were mine I’d spend every single minute loving you and showing you just how much I need you.” he lowered his eyes again. “I thought I was dead inside, but then you walked into my life and I’ve never felt more alive. I can’t hide it anymore, Y/N, I’m aching to be with you. I need you.”

Your lips parted in surprise. His revelation left you speechless. A man like him wanting you was something you couldn’t wrap your head around. You stood up in surprise, he stood up as well, not letting go of your hand.

“You can leave if you’d like and never come back.” He said. “But I don’t want you to. I need you here with me, please.” He didn’t what he was pleading for. For you to stay? For you to give him a chance?

You thought back to all the times your body tingled or your heart fluttered each time he did something nice or each time he gave you a brief hug before you drove back home. Or how patient he was with the kids and how he was a perfect family man. Did you feel the same way this whole time?

“Sebastian… I- I don’t know what to say to you.” you voiced out your inner thoughts. You were scared that you might say the wrong thing and ruin everything.

He smiled softly at you, stepping closer. “Don’t say anything. Just let me show you.” he let go of your hand and cupped your face. “Can I kiss you?” he asked.

You found yourself nodding and inching closer. His hands grabbed your waist as he pressed his body into yours. And his eyes never left yours. He captured your lips in a deep kiss; pouring everything he felt for you into it. You held him close with your hands around his neck. His tongue slipped into your mouth slowly stroking the top of your mouth. He moaned into the kiss and deepened it.

Sebastian moved swiftly, he turned you around and pushed you onto the edge of the desk almost effortlessly. He broke the kiss and pulled away to look at you. Swollen lips and chest heaving, and a hunger in both your eyes.

He didn’t say anything, he leaned in to kiss you again and rested his hands on your thighs. He pushed your legs further apart and settled in between them as he kissed down your neck. His lips latched on the skin around your collar bones. He nibbled, kissed, and licked the skin as you moaned quietly in his ear. His lips slowly moved to the side of your throat, leaving dark red marks behind on your skin. Your hands roamed his muscular back as you pulled him closer. Nothing on your mind but just that you wanted Sebastian; and you wanted him bad.

He slipped his hand under the skirt of your dress, touching your skin with his warm hands as he traced imaginary shapes along your inner thighs; leaving goose bumps where his fingers made contact with your skin. He was close, or so close to your core and he could feel the heat radiating off of it. He moaned shamelessly into your mouth, making your body tremble against his.

“Fuck…” he swore as he pulled away to check if you were just a disheveled and needy as he was. He concluded that you were. “Can I touch you, sweetheart?” he asked, breathing heavily. You nodded quickly. Thinking he would push your underwear aside and finger you, you let out a little gasp of surprise when you felt him drag your underwear down your legs as he himself got on his knees in front of you.

He took off your underwear and threw it aside. Then kissed his way up your legs, leaving kisses along your thighs. His stubble rough against your soft skin. His lips were soft against you as he left marks all over the skin of your inner thighs. His wet mouth moved from your inner thighs to your core abruptly, catching you by surprise. He grabbed your right hip and hooked it over his shoulder; and there you were – completely at his mercy just like he had always fantasized about.

You moaned as his lips moved between your glistening folds, his tongue teasing your entrance, lips sucking on your clit. Your hands cradled his head in between your legs, you threw your head back and moaned as quietly as you could. He moaned against you, sending pleasurable vibrations all over your body. He secured your leg over his shoulder once more and he ate you out passionately, closing his eyes and savoring your taste. He made you forget every worry you ever had in the world.

Being here with him was all you could focus on. Sebastian’s tongue circled your clit lazily as he inserted two fingers into you and pumped them in and out of you rapidly. He felt your walls clench around his fingers and you moaned louder and louder with each stroke of his fingers against your walls. Your body throbbed at his touch, your desire burning.

“Cum for me, come on sweetheart.” He said, in a strained voice and you couldn’t contain the sweet pressure anymore so you let go and as you moaned out loud one last time before coming undone all over his tongue. He lapped up everything you had to offer. He spread your legs further apart as he shamelessly licked each and every drop of your cum as it spilled out of you. Finally, he let go of your legs and stood up again.

You were panting but you still pulled him in for a kiss. Tasting yourself on his lips gave you a rush, so powerful that you began lowering his sweatpants yourself, impatient to just have him in you already. Sebastian pulled away for a second. “You want this, right sweetheart?”

You nodded, unable to talk. And you leaned in for a kiss again. Oh you needed him in you badly and at once. Sebastian aided you in lowering down his pants and pulled you closer. Slowly, he slipped inside of you, groaning at how tight you were. You felt his length stretching you like no one ever did. You gasped and moaned as he filled you in.

He reached down to grab your legs again and wrapped them around his waist. He grunted as he started rocking in and out of you slowly, leaning down to give you a messy kiss. He smiled when you couldn’t help but moan into his mouth. He pulled away and gently pushed your body down on the table. Your back laid flat against the wooden table top and you whined at the feeling of his cock moving swiftly in and out of you. You could feel your walls gripping him and milking him as he pounded into you.

You moaned feeling all of him; stretching you, filling you up, moving rapidly in and out of you to the point where the only thing you could focus on was the pressure he caused around your lower abdomen.

“Fuck… You’ve been driving me crazy for so long, Y/N.” He whispered, pounding into you relentlessly, as he bent down to bite your lower lip and tug on it. You moaned at his words and upon hearing the wet, slapping sounds your bodies made when they came in contact with one another.

Your legs trembled as you wrapped them tighter around his waist. His thrust was relentless and unbearably good. You closed your eyes as you felt your walls clenching around him and the pressure around your lower body felt tight and hot. Sebastian looked down at you as you clenched around his cock.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Cum for me…” he whispered and that was honestly all you needed to hear before you came undone all around him. Whimpering and back arching off his desk, you came hard around his cock.

He panted as he kept pounding into you as your orgasm washed over you, your walls squeezing him violently. You mumbled his name over and over again as you came, body trembling under his intense gaze. He watched you in awe, lips parted, breaths in rags, heart racing. Oh he wasn’t done with you yet, he wanted more.

Sebastian managed to get you to the couch, he’d take you on every single furniture he owned if he could honestly. But for now, the couch will do. For now. He had you kneeling on the couch; hips and ass up while your hands gripped the cushions to steady yourself.

You couldn’t see him, but you knew he was there, behind you ready to pounce on you like an animal. His hand reached around and pulled your head back just a little. His lips hovered over the side of your throat as his hand reached around and toyed with your folds; his fingers rubbed around your clit and making you tremble and moan again.

You were a little sore from earlier, and you weren’t sure you would last very long this time. But he was seductively persuasive; he didn’t even have to say anything, just one touch from him was enough to make you burn with desire again. You were willing to just give into him and let him pleasure you.

“I thought that once I had you, I’d be tamed,” His voice was deep and low and gravelly when he whispered in your ear, his tongue licking along your neck while he abruptly stopped toying with your folds. “But now, I just want to be in you again and have you scream my name and cum around me again. And again. Don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it, sweetheart.”

His hand gripped your hair and tugged on it, harsher than earlier and his action earned a moan out of you. You whimpered, “I want you Sebastian, please.” You murmured, voice laced with need and lust wanting him to completely ruin you, he pulled back from your neck and kissed along your shoulders.

“Oh baby… I want you just as much.” He whispered, kissing your skin. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’ll take care of you.”

He pushed you forward, making your ass stick out against him. He gripped each side of your hips, tightly. He pushed into you without a word said; earning a sinful moan out of you. He groaned and grunted as he filled you up entirely; your ass cheek pressing into his pelvic bone as he pounded into you, desperately trying to make you cum for the second time tonight.

You held on to the pillows tightly, and your mind felt foggy as your felt the familiar pressure forming again in no time. You were barely able to keep yourself up, and if it weren’t for his tight grip on you, you would’ve collapsed on the couch long ago.

He rammed his cock in and out of you incessantly while he fucked you into oblivion. You moaned wantonly, worn-out and still craving more and more of him. He took you higher…and higher and the sounds that came out of his mouth made your walls throb and clench around him each time he filled you up. You liked him here, snug inside you. Thick and pulsating against your walls; stretching you out just like before.

With a few more strokes of his thick cock, you felt his thrust becoming irregular, and felt his cock throb against your walls violently. You tightened around him, and he groaned and growled as he came; buried deep within you – grunting swearing under his breath. His warm cum shoot at your walls and you trembled again as he filled you up with his load.

Moments later, you found yourself lying on his damp chest, listening to his heartbeats as he ran a hand down your back, calming you down. You had your arms wrapped around him lazily. The only sound you could hear were his heartbeats and the sound of your breathing.

You didn’t feel an ounce of awkwardness or shame as you laid in the arms of the man you worked for. And neither did he regret doing what he did. It was comfortable, being in each other’s arms. Sebastian spoke up first, breaking the silence.

“So are you going to break up with what’s his name or should I be the one to break the news to him by beating the living shit out of him?” he asked, making you giggle.

His tough and broody nature was one of the major reasons why you found him attractive. Everyone loves a rebel, broody man with bad boy charm. You laughed and lifted your head up from his chest and found him smiling down at you.

“There’s no need. He’s not worth your time. I’ll call him, tonight itself.” You spoke and he reached out to caress your face softly.

“Make that tomorrow morning. You’re sleeping over tonight.” he announced and you chuckled.

“Yeah? Says who?” you teased.

“Your boyfriend, and your boss.” He answered like it was no big deal.

You gasped playfully. “Boyfriend? Oh my! When did we establish that?”

He smirked. “When you were screaming my name while I was deep inside you just a minute ago.” His answer made you blush and hide your face in his chest. He laughed.

“Look who’s shy now!” he teased you and you groaned, trying to hide your face further. “Hey, look at me sweetheart.” he said and you looked up, face burning a little. “Be mine.”

As you looked into his eyes you realized something; that you’ve never felt this peaceful, this comfortable or this warm with your cheating ass boyfriend. But you felt it with Sebastian. You had been in a relationship for quite a few months now, but you’ve never felt any of the emotions you felt in the past hour in that relationship.

Here with Sebastian, you felt a sense of belonging. It resembled that feeling of when you’re on your way home from a party late at night and then finally climb up the stairs which lead you to your front door. It felt like coming home after a long day.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked again, seeing you weren’t saying a word.

You shook your head, a wave of emotions just hitting you right in the face. “Nothing. I like you, a lot. Just… we’re not moving too fast, right?”

He smiled. “I don’t know about you, but I’ve been ready for this since the day I met you.” he said again, making you smile. “Stay over tonight, it’s late already. As from tomorrow, we’ll take it at any pace you prefer.” He spoke, surprisingly with how understanding he sounded. “Besides, you’re welcome to use the guest room. But I would prefer you sleep in my bed. Because I mean, now that you’ll be my new PA, and watching with the kids and after I make love you to for hours after I get home every day, you’d most probably be too tired to drive back home. I mean, if it were up to me, I’d move you in with me right now and we c-,”

You cut him off with a kiss. He smiled and kissed you back. He knew he was being a little ridiculous but he had been waiting for you to show him some affection for too long and he was more than happy that he finally had you now. “Let’s take it a little slower than that, okay?”

“Okay. I just… I don’t want to let you go.” He tightened his grip around you, like a kid holding on to his favorite blanket.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You smiled and kissed his chest.

  Turns out, being with him was not dangerous or risqué, or illicit at all; it was beautiful.

[randomrosewrites]

An eternity more

AO3

A special Alastor x reader fic just in time for Halloween!

Word count: 2000

Warnings: Mild language

Summary: Alastor and his partner celebrate Halloween. 

In Hell, there was one day a year in which the usual brutality and gore that occurred was not only just commonplace, but treated as a festivity. 

Halloween. Sometimes referred to as Hallow’s eve, or Samhain. 

Every circle always had some type of event going on. Violence had fighting matches all throughout the day. Gluttony had haunted house walks and tours in their suicide forests. Even unpopular circles like Limbo got into the Halloween spirit by having small carvals pop up here and there. 

For the denizens of Hell, Halloween was a day where every sicko, nutjob, and crazy could find something that tickled their fancy. 

On a night of such horrors, many people expected that of the Radio Demon to be doing something horribly violent; Engaged in some form of terrorism or inspiring fear into the masses via one of his broadcast. 

Instead, though-

“Darling! Look over here, they’ve got handmade masks!” Alastor says to you, excitedly dragging you along the streets of Pentagram city. 

-he’s quite the opposite 

While Alastor was more than happy to spend his nights prowling the streets and seeing the fear ignite in people’s eyes, he enjoyed other things besides that. He wasn’t entirely diabolical. Why go around causing chaos like some petty ruffian when there were other superior activities to engage in?  

Tonight, as you walk the streets alongside him, the city is busier than ever. The night sky is stained a dark garnet and the cold air makes you snuggle closer into your coat. Pedestrians pack together in the streets, a huge mass of limbs and bodies. 

Vendors and shops have their doors wide open, showing off their merchandise or advertising for one thing or another. There’s food stalls, costume shops, drug vending machines, antique stores, and the like. Alastor zig zags from stall to stall, checking out every and anything that catches his eye. 

His own usual outfit is changed for the event, instead of the normal red he’s changed into a dark burgundy, so dark it almost looks brown. One of his red-gloved hands holds yours, dragging you along with him. You have to nearly run to keep up with his long strides. 

He comes to a stop, the action so sudden you bump into him.

“Ow - why’d you stop-”

You look at the building you’ve stopped in front of. A bright neon sign reads ‘The House of Haunted Horrors’

A bloody haunted house. 

Alastor looks at you, excitement shining in his eyes. “Shall we go in?” 

“Al, you know I get scared easily-”

“Great!” he says before you can finish, dragging you through along with him into the entrance. 

“No, wait! - Oh my god no Alastor, Alastor!” you protest to no avail. 

After a brief talk with the receptionist, (who’s eyes nearly bulged out of their skull when they saw him) you’re ushered into another room where the attraction begins. 

The employee tells you the backstory for the situation. You’re a scientist trapped in an underground laboratory where demons were experimented on. After a sudden outbreak has cut off all power and communication, you’ve got to find the exit before the creatures in the dark can get to you first. 

You’re utterly horrified. Alastor’s delighted.  

She hands you each a flashlight and wishes you good luck before closing the door and leaving you to begin. 

“Well, let’s get going, shall we?” Alastor takes your hand (Which you cling onto tightly), flicking on his flashlight and starting down the hallway. 

The hallway is dark and grimy. The flashlight can’t shine very far so you can only see whats a few feet ahead of you at a time. Your footsteps echo through the eerily quiet corridor. The only sound is of your tense breathing and your heartbeat in your ears.  

“I hate this, I hate this-” you groan, latching yourself onto Alastor’s side and burying your face in his coat. 

“Don’t worry darling, it’ll be fun!” he reassures you, patting you on the back. It’s at that moment that a hollow groan rings through the hallway, making your entire body tense. 

“Oh fuck - I hate this, I hate this-” you hiss.

“What about this do you hate?” Alastor asks, keeping one arm around you and one on the flashlight. “The dark? The feeling of not knowing what lies ahead? The weight of-”

“Al,” you snap. “Not. Helping.” 

You can hear the smile in his voice. “Apologies. I couldn’t help myself. Fear is a wonderful emotion on you, dear.”

Though for as much as he teases you, you can by the way he keeps a firm grip on you and the whispered assurances he utters periodically that he does care about you. You also know he wouldn’t hesitate to get you out of there if you truly were terrified. 

The two of you explore different hallways and rooms, slowly making your way through the attraction. You pass by corpses (that you hope are just fake) covered in blood, scratch marks on the walls ripping up the wallpaper, dismembered limbs, empty cages and cells, and other grotesque, creepy sights.

In one room, you open the door to see a stuffed bear sitting on a chair in the far corner. When you enter and explore the room, you look back to find that the beat has moved towards you.

Yeah, no. 

“Fuck this, fuck this, fuck this-” You run out of there as fast as possible, slamming the door behind you. Alastor laughs at your reaction, jogging to catch up to you. 

You continue further into the attraction. Occasionally a gust of wind or a nearby whisper will make you whip around and press closer to Alastor, heart hammering in your chest, but you’ve seen no actors yet. Are there any? Or have they all been scared into immobilization? 

You’ve just about let your guard down when you open the door to the next room and are met with a looming, black figure standing in the corridor. 

They’re tall, much taller than you, with long black limbs and two glowing eyes. You’re so surprised at the creature’s sudden appearance that you don’t even think to scream. From the mass of black, a cavern opens up - its mouth - emitting a hisss sound. When the figure reaches out towards you, your mind goes blank with terror. 

Behind you, you can feel Alastor’s form shift. 

One note about Alasotr’s demon form - you’d seen it hundreds of times before. You’d seen his pupils go black, seen him stretch until he was a tall, lanky stick figure with teeth that took up half of his face more times than you can count. 

A lot of things might scare you, but Alastor doesn’t. 

But it definitely scares the worker. He drops his act, taking off into the darkness like his life depended on it. 

When you look at Alastor again, he’s returned to normal. He has the same smile on his face, but he seems slightly disappointed. 

“How pitiable.” he murmurs, before saying to you in a much lighter tone. “Shall we continue?”

There’s little else to the haunted house. A few more creepy sounds and flashes of moving figures from the corner of your eyes, but nothing else quite like the cryptid in the doorway. 

When you finally do exit into the noisy streets of the city, you breathe and sigh of relief. 

“That was quite charming, yes it was!” Alastor chirps. “It could have been more frightening but all-in-all, it was quite entertaining. Don’t you think so too, dear?”

You clutch his suit under your bloodless knuckles. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Alastor gives a  hearty laugh, giving you a reassuring rub of his arm. “You did very well.” 

As you leave, you spot some of the employees from the haunted house. Their costumes are half-off and they’re hugging the wall of the building, warily regarding the Radio Demon, looking utterly terrified - even more scared than you ever were. 

And for a second, you agree with Alastor - fear is a wonderful emotion. 

---

By the time you return home to your quiet home outside of the city, it’s almost midnight. Alastor makes the two of you supper and you eat it by the fireplace, the bright flames casting off every shadow in the room. 

“Did you enjoy yourself today, darling?” He asks after a few minutes into the conversation. He’s changed into a casual sweater and vest. It isn’t anything groundbreaking, but the outfit is so fitting and looks so good on him that you can’t help but stare. 

“I did,” you say, then with a bit of salt- “Even though you forced me to go into that haunted house.” 

“Yes, but it was fun, was it not?”

“Surprisingly, yes,” you admit. “But that’s probably because you were there with me.”

“Wonderful! I felt as though the actors could have been more adequate. Back in my day, even the worst of performers could do a better job than those buffoons.” 

You take a bite of your food, hiding a smile. “I think you’re the reason they were so scared, Al. After you shifted into your true demon form and scared them, no one else dared to try and piss you off.”

“But I wasn’t trying to frighten them off entirely!” he whines. “What kind of a person goes around scaring people for their occupation but can’t handle a little intimidation?” 

“People are scared of you, love.”

His nose wrinkles. “That I am more than aware of,” his expression softens. “But you aren’t.”

“No,” you reach across the table to squeeze his hand. “I’m not.” 

The conversations steers elsewhere and the two of you finish dinner. After the dishes are done, you coax Alastor into joining you on the couch. You lay on top of him, pressing your ear to his chest. Your fingers rub against the soft cotton of Alastor’s sweater, drawing patterns on the material. 

“Do you like my clothes?” He asks. Not accusatory or demanding, simply curious. 

“Yes,” you slide your fingers up to play with the collar of his shirt. “Very much so.” 

“Then by all means, play to your heart's content.” His hands go to your waist, sliding his thumb underneath your shirt to rub at your hip. 

You hiss. “Your fingers are cold.”

“Apologies,” he murmurs, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “I can’t help it.”

He always ran a cooler temperature, no matter what. He was like a cold-blooded lizard, always leaching off of your warmth whenever he could. His favourite thing to do was to slip his cold hands along your neck when you weren’t expecting it, just to hear the noise that would come out of you. 

Your hand trails up, along his neck, over his jaw, and rubbing against his lip. He carefully nibbles on one of your fingertips, staring at you intensely. His teeth clamp down not hard enough to break the skin, but hard enough so that you feel the pressure from them. 

“Beautiful…” you breathe. His hand slides up your back, running along your spine. 

Your free hand travels further upwards, nesting in his hair. The tips of your fingers stroke against the firm cartilage of his ear and he inhales sharply, ears folding to his skull. 

You hesitate. The ears slowly rise again.

“Do you want me to stop?” You ask.

“No…” he whispers, releasing your finger from his mouth.“You can keep going. Just unused to it…”

Carefully, gently, you rub his ears. They’re quite soft, but also quite delicate so you’re careful not to overwhelm him. A hum emerges from Alastor’s throat, vibrating through your body. He’s tense at first, taught like a bow string, but over time he relaxes, melting into the couch. 

His hands seek out the small crevices in your body as well, your sides, your shoulders, your neck. A few times he has to seek the solace of your neck, whining and nipping kisses underneath your ear.  

Touching each other, exploring the way you each react to touches, giving soft affections - It doesn’t go farther past that, but none of you are seeking anything else from it. Every touch is for no greater reason other than it simply feels good. 

You let the time pass. It’s impossible to tell how long exactly, but it’s a while before you’re both satisfied. You wrap your arms around his torso and press your face into his shirt. He smells like rich wood and strong spices. Most of all, he smells fresh. There’s simply no other way to describe it.

“I wish we could stay like this every night,” you sigh, “Tonight...and the next night..”

Alastor kisses the top of your head.  “And then the next night...and the next...and the one after that, too…”

You lift your head to kiss him on the lips. “And for an eternity more.” His eyes flutter wide open, blinking just like a dazed dear. You want to giggle with how cute it is.

His expression melts into one of pure bliss, red eyes hazily gazing into yours. He chuckles, kissing the tip of your nose.  “And for an eternity more.” 

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader 

Chapter 5 - A Question of Trust 

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 

Summary: First day in New York brings new challenges and fears. But one thing is certain, your relationship with Neil is changing.

Warnings: Minor cursing.

Author’s Notes: So this is sort of an unplanned early update because I loved what I wrote and had to share it with you. Hope you enjoy this quieter chapter before things kick off very soon...

Also this has been severely inspired by ‘A Question of Lust’ by Depeche Mode so I’ll post the link in another post!

Despite being severely jet-lagged, the next two days, you did not get much rest. You and Neil were thoroughly briefed by the TP on Saturday, and the plan seemed simple: arrive in New York; check into the hotel; research the target (a weapons dealer named Steiner); set up a meeting with Mr. Steiner; rehearse the cover; get intel; leave New York unscathed but with valuable information.

You have received a Glock (just in case), a burner phone with emergency contacts, and a dossier filled with the information about your cover. As far as you have managed to learn so far, you and Neil were supposed to pose as ‘partners in crime’ hoping to get your hands on the mysterious nuclear material. It did seem easy. But that did not help the stress you felt the closer you got to the departure.

Monday morning, you stepped onto the Amtrak train to New York Penn Station and followed Neil to the First-Class compartment. You had two seats with a large table and a window in a relatively quiet carriage. This time, sadly, you have not taken your notes with you and have been desperately looking for a distraction. Neither of you has mentioned the moment on the terrace, and you felt like it was a cause of mild tension. But instead of addressing it in any way, you decided to stare out of the window. After going through the same onboard magazine for the third time, you heard Neil clear his voice deliberately. You looked at him with a raised eyebrow:

“I’m bored” he shrugged and grinned at your eye roll “Want to talk?”

You searched his face for any signs of wicked intents. But he seemed genuinely interested.

“As long as you won’t make me drink again and embarrass myself” you turned towards him with a pointed look.

“I promise” he smiled and leaned onto the table separating your seats 

“However I must correct you and say that you haven’t embarrassed yourself on the plane” when you glared at him with disbelief, he added “At all”

“If you say so”

His piercing blue eyes were fixed on you with fondness that made you want to turn away. But you held his gaze until he grinned and asked:

“Excited to go on your first mission?”

“If by excited you mean scared then yeah” he laughed, and you beamed back “Though I suppose if my first outing is with you I should consider myself lucky”

“Oh you’re certainly lucky in that regard” he winked, grinning smugly “I’ll keep you entertained”

The smirk and look in his eyes were far from innocent and you felt your face heat up at the sight. But you did not want to let him win easily.

“I’ve no doubts about that” you stared back defiantly.

Your staring contest finished when he smiled and reached out for your hands that were folded on the table. He squeezed them.

“We’ll manage just fine together, I’m sure. It’s a simple mission” he reassured you softly.

“Can’t say I’m convinced” you looked back sceptically and frowned “I’m a bit surprised you’re willing to go into the field with a rookie”

“TP said it has to be us” he shrugged and leaned back into his seat.

Your hands felt cold without his touch.

“You do trust him enough to do anything he says?” you asked with curiosity.

All that you have learned during the meeting with the Protagonist was still fresh on your mind. You struggled to understand how on earth you could be important to the story. But it was made quite clear that you would have to wait for any answers.

“Yes” Neil’s tone was quite serious “I’ve learnt from past mistakes that he really does know how things will go”

You haven’t missed the distant look of sadness in his eyes. You made a mental note to one day learn the story. He must have noticed your scrutiny as he schooled his features and added:

“And it’s better to listen to him. No matter how difficult it might be” he looked at you with a faint smile.

You did wonder if he thought about the moment on the terrace in that instant. But before you could dare ask, he closed the subject with a definite statement:

“I know for a fact that you’ll be much better than a random rookie” he grinned, and despite feeling conflicted, you smiled back.

Then he quickly changed the topic to New York itself, and you rather enjoyed talking to him about your travels and experiences with other cities. While you were still stressed, when you arrived at Penn Station, you were much less tense. The conversation has distracted you enough to forget about the worries. You wondered if that was why Neil wanted to talk in the first place.

*** You took a taxi to the hotel, which was situated far off from the main city centre. It was a comfortable and stylish four-star establishment with a booking system that did not mind fake identities. Your rooms were on the sixth floor and were joined by a set of locked doors, as you were informed by the receptionist (with a wink). You were not sure what to do with this information but, as usual, Neil’s charm saved you.

“Thank you, miss” he smiled at the clerk and snatched your keys from the counter “It’s good to know” he smirked and walked away.

You followed him to the lift, where you could finally ask:

“What was that about?”

“I suppose she thought that we’re not here for…” he took a moment to think about the right word “Strictly business reasons” he enunciated every syllable “But rather for fun while keeping up the appearances”

Your eyes widened at the implication.

“Right” you didn’t dare think why she got that impression.

Neil chuckled as he led you to the rooms, pausing to hand you the key. Only once you saw him open the door to his room you sobered up:

“Wait, what do we do now?”

“Come to my room once you’re ready. I won’t lock the door” he winked and disappeared into his room.

You stared at the closing door before shaking your head and entering your own room.

He can be impossible sometimes, you thought with fondness and disbelief.

The room was quite big, with a queen-sized bed, a sofa with a coffee table, and a large bathroom. The view came out onto the maze of skyscrapers that you associated with New York. The barely visible sky was grey and threatening with rain. You decided to quickly shower, change into more comfortable clothes, and fix your make-up. All that took twenty minutes and you were quite proud of yourself. You opened the door leading to Neil’s room and hesitated at the second set. Trying the handle you found it unlocked and tentatively came in.

“Finally” he gave out a theatrical sigh from his place on the sofa.

He changed into yet another shirt and dress trousers. You did sometimes wonder how many sets of those he had.

The next thing you noticed was that while you were getting ready Neil has ordered quite a big selection of food from the room service. It has taken the whole space on the coffee table, along with water and teapot.

“Wow” you grinned at the sight, feeling your stomach rumble.

“Thought we might need it” he shrugged and motioned for you to join him on the sofa.

“I know I did” you quickly dove for the toasties before he could snatch them.

He laughed at your enthusiasm for food, but you could not care less at the moment. You felt his fond gaze for a little longer before he too started the feast. After you ate, Neil cleared the table and spread out the dossier along with any files you received.

“So…” you both looked down at the mess of papers and photos “Today we need to get to that bar” you squinted at the name “Benny’s and set up a meeting with Steiner?” you looked up at Neil for clarification.

“Yeah, that’s it” he nodded and picked up one of the documents “We’re a pair of weapon dealers who want to know a bit more about that mysterious piece of plutonium” he explained.

“That’s a manageable cover” you mused while trying to memorise your new identity.

“Well, I was hoping they’d make us fake married or something” Neil retorted innocently, and you glared at him sharply.

“What? Wouldn’t you want to be married to me?” the wounded look on his face made you laugh.

“Sounds horrible” you swatted his arm playfully and reached for another document.

But before you got that far, he grabbed your hand and squeezed it. You met his soft gaze and smiled back, admiring the sparks in his blue eyes. After a beat, he let go of your hand.

“I think we’d be a perfect match” he sent you one last smug smile and got up “We should get going if we want to catch Raul and establish contact” he added.

A perfect match? You observed as Neil put on the tie and suit jacket and considered his words with curiosity. You did like him, there was no denying that. And you felt like he enjoyed your company too. But before you could dwell on it too long, you felt his intense gaze. Caught in the act of staring, you felt yourself blush. But he only grinned and offered you a hand to get up from the sofa.

“C’mon, we need to get going” he ushered you towards your room.

Right, first mission. You took a deep breath and started to get ready. The time has come.

*** The first part of the plan went without any major fuck-ups. You and Neil met Raul at the bar, and he gave you all the information you could need about Steiner. It was clear that you both had to learn your roles perfectly as he tended to be suspicious. After that Neil went away to set up the meeting with the weapons dealer for tomorrow’s evening. All you could do was entertain Raul with random stories from your training which proved rather easy.

Once Neil came back, you both decided to go back to the hotel to get much-needed rest and prepare. The fact that so far everything seemed to go along the plan, made you feel a tiny bit more confident. But nerves were still there, and you could barely contain them when you made it back to the hotel. You lied to Neil that you were tired and shut the door before you could even look at him again.

But after showering, changing into sleeping clothes, and having a cup of herbal tea, nothing got better. You tried lying down in the darkened room only to quickly get up with a pain in your chest and shallow breath. After sitting in the dark and trying to calm down your racing thoughts for close to an hour, you gave up. You put on a cardigan and looked at the door leading to Neil’s room. It was past 1 AM but you had the feeling he was not sleeping. You knew there was no way you were able to rest now. Oh, why the hell…

You tried the handle of the connecting doors and found it unlocked. Of course. 

Neil’s room was covered in darkness, save for a bedside table lamp casting a warm glow. You were struck by how neat everything looked, with his suitcase in one corner and clothes folded on the chair. Only the bed was in disarray with papers thrown on it and Neil himself sat in the middle. He glanced up as you came in, surprised:

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“I tried but…” you shrugged helplessly “Just couldn’t get my brain to shut up”

The worry in his gaze made you freeze. He was sat on the bed with ruffled hair and a wrinkled shirt. He was probably very tired. And you were weak and overreacting again. Suddenly you realised what a mistake it was to come here:

“Sorry, I shouldn’t… I’ll go now” you blurted and started to turn away.

You heard the rush of papers falling onto the floor and then Neil’s voice.

“No, stay” he sounded concerned.

Slowly you turned around to face him again, trying to put on a brave face. It was pointless though because he saw right through you. He got up from the bed, scattering all the documents onto the floor. Seeing you hesitate, he crossed the distance and took your hand in his, guiding you towards the bed. That only increased your panic.

“What are you doing?” you tried not to step on all the papers “Don’t we need those?”

He looked down at the pile with a surprised look, almost as though he forgot about them. Then he quickly made up his mind and looked up at you with determination.

“We do. But more so I need you to calm down so get in” he gestured towards the bed.

Your mind was blank. There was so much that could go wrong. But he noticed your uncertainty and unceremoniously pushed you onto the bed. You stared in shock before recovering enough to retort:

“You know I’m pretty sure there are better ways to make a lady sleep with you” You heard him laugh as he collected the pages.

“Certainly” finally he got up and dumped the pile onto the coffee table “But it worked” he shrugged.

Neil watched as you clumsily shifted to sit up with your back against the headboard and then joined you. After a few minutes of awkward silence, you asked:

“Sure you don’t want me to leave so you can go back to work?”

You felt extremely self-conscious in your sleeping clothes, with uncombed hair and tear-streaked cheeks. Neil’s intense gaze did not help it either but before you could even think about getting up, he replied:

“Perfectly sure” he smiled at you softly “Now tell me what’s wrong”

You sighed and let yourself relax slightly, leaning on the pillows. Staring straight ahead at the wall, you explained:

“I felt very anxious and hoped that maybe the shower and tea will help. Nothing changed so I tried to go to sleep but… my chest started aching and I couldn’t breathe” you finished while feeling the tears well up at the recollection.

You felt the bed shift as Neil moved closer and took one of your hands. You watched with curiosity as he traced the lines of your veins to the pulse point on the wrist and held his pointer finger there, checking your heart rate. You felt a nervous flutter at the gentle way he cradled your hand. You were pretty positive he will detect a pulse of 100bmp. After thirty seconds of intense focus, Neil released his hold on your hand and smiled:

“Apart from a very fast heart rate, you’ll be fine” he winked, and you looked down flustered.

But you were not allowed to get lost in shame for too long as he scooted even closer, leaving no space between you, and gingerly placed his arm around your shoulders.

“Is this okay?” he asked, looking at you with genuine concern.

Your breath hitched at the closeness of him, but you quickly suppressed the feeling and nodded. After a few more tense breaths, you relaxed into the embrace, feeling him trace circles on your shoulder.

“What made you so scared?” his voice broke the comfortable silence.

“Think it’s just the idea of the first mission” you admitted “And ever since you and TP told me about the plan and the algorithm, I felt this tension rise and I guess it just hit the fan” sighing helplessly, you let your head rest on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, I probably would have been more concerned if you took all this without questions”

“I guess I reacted that way because I never expected to be important… Definitely not in something of that scale” once you started talking the honesty did not seem to stop “I’ve spent so much time looking for my place in the world and now when I think I’ve found it, I’m not sure I’m good enough” 

After your admission, you felt Neil’s embrace tighten. You propped your head on his shoulder, so it was resting in the crook of his neck again, enjoying the warmth and safety.

“You are more than good enough” when he finally spoke you were almost surprised “And I’m not only saying that because I believe in what TP says”

You looked up at Neil and met his earnest gaze.

“Since the day we met and I showed you how inversion works, I knew that you will be amazing at it” he smiled at you softly.

“Even though I nearly passed out in the training zone?”

“Yeah” he grinned at the memory fondly “I just had the feeling that you’re supposed to work with us, with me”

You would swear that his eyes briefly glanced at your lips. But as quickly as the thought entered your mind, he reached out to brush away a stray hair from your forehead and you lost the ability to think entirely. He tucked the strand with care and brushed your jawline with his thumb.

“TP was right, you know” he was looking at you with a tenderness that made your heart ache.

“About?”

“Me taking care of you” he smiled and admired your dazed expression. You could only stare, too overwhelmed with feelings to say anything. And you probably would have kept on staring if it was not for the extreme tiredness that begun to catch up. Before you could say anything, a wide yawn made you cover your face with your hands. The spell was broken.

“Think you’re tiny bit tired” Neil grinned at your sheepish expression.

“No shit” you mumbled and moved to get up, but he kept his grip steady.

“You can stay here” he answered your surprised glance.

You quickly considered the options, admitting that it was tempting. You felt safe with Neil and his presence definitely made you calmer. But it did feel like crossing some lines.

He was still looking at you with that hopeful eyes and that sealed the deal.

“Thanks… for everything” you smiled at him, hoping to convey even a quarter of what you felt through it.

“Always” he grinned back.

You both quietly shifted so that you were lying down with a small gap between you, both staring at the ceiling. After a few quiet moments, he turned off the bedside lamp and turned to face you.

“Good night” you heard him whisper and turned to look at him too.

“Sweet dreams, Neil” you replied while trying to make out his features in the darkness of the room.

“Oh I know they will be sweet” you could picture the sly grin.

And with that, he turned onto the other side. No longer than five minutes later you heard his breath level off and make way for quiet snores. You could not help but smile at the adorable sound. Maybe this night wasn’t so bad in the end.

*** You have not slept so soundly in days. When you woke up, the first thought that came to your mind was that you were being cuddled. An arm was thrown over your waist and you felt warm breath near your ear. Then as the morning fog slowly ascended, you remembered it all clearly. Neil. As though he was reading your mind, a second later you felt him stir and mumble:

“Morning sunshine” he sounded cheery.

Before you could react you felt him brush his lips over your temple. You froze, feeling the flutters in your stomach return with tripled force. Taking a deep breath to calm down you slowly squeezed the hand that was draped over your waist and sat up.

“Hi” you glanced at him only to be astounded by how unkempt and yet adorable he looked.

His hair was completely ruffled, with strands sticking out in every direction. And the shirt and trousers were crumpled to the point of needing starch treatment to ever be wearable again. And yet he still looked good. Especially with that boyish smile and sparkling eyes. One could suppose that you were not immune to him. At all.

“Do you always sleep in that?” you gestured towards his outfit, trying to divert your thoughts.

“No, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you last night” it was that shit-eating grin again “Did you sleep well?” he sat up now too but kept his distance.

“Very well” you admitted with a blush “But it’s late and we should probably prepare” you used the most sensible excuse to get up.

Before you could do that, Neil reached out and took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers.

“Just don’t you dare feel sorry for this” you knew he was serious from the look in his eyes.

“I’ll try” you smiled slightly and used this chance to leave his room in haste.

While you did indeed try not to feel embarrassed about what happened, it was difficult. You were not used to people seeing you as vulnerable as you were last night. But at the same time, he did not seem to mind and that took you by surprise. His kindness and thoughtfulness were certainly not helping in trying to be more objective about him.

You managed to get changed and prepare yourself for the day relatively fast, considering what a mess your thoughts were. Once you were done you grabbed the needed documents from the coffee table and made beeline for Neil’s room without thinking too much. As usual, the door was unlocked.

The moment you stepped into his room you knew you have fucked up. He was there, just in front of where you entered, in a new pair of trousers and no shirt. Your eyes widened when you registered that last detail.

“Shit, sorry! I shouldn’t just come in…”

“No worries, darling” Neil drawled out the nickname expressively.

He looked at you with a grin, clearly enjoying it more than you were. It seemed as though he slowed down the process of putting on a new shirt just to tease you. It worked. You stared at his rather fit body and felt your cheeks grow warmer. He caught your wandering gaze with a wink and held it with an expression that was far from innocent. The knowing smirk told you that he was aware of what he was doing. But still, you held your ground, letting yourself openly look at his toned arms and chest. If he didn’t mind then there was no harm in looking, right?

Finally, he finished the process of buttoning up the shirt, while still keeping his gaze fixed on you. He assessed your expression with one last look and grinned:

“Let’s get to work, sunshine”

You wanted to punch him in that perfect jaw.

[heartsywritesthethings]

The Tickler (Pt. 1)

Author: GA!babe

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

~~~

*Insert MLB Intro here*

The College Francoise Dupont, the french secondary school that is plain in overall looks and grades. However, the students of this secondary school are anything but ordinary. 

Unbeknownst to the staff and faculty, France’s most prized superheroes regularly walk the halls, stress about homework, and rest in the library. Ladybug and Chat Noir, mere classmates when akumas aren’t around and superheroes when people need saving. 

It’s actually kind of sad that no one had ever noticed how both Adrien Agreste and Marinette Dupain-Cheng are never around when Chat Noir and Ladybug appear to save the day. 

Sure, there have been close calls regarding their secret identities, but they both remain comfortably under the radar (somehow) of regular Parisian citizens and the owner of the Ladyblog, Alya. 

“Girl, you are absolutely ridiculous. Why are you so worried about this party? Adrien even said he wouldn’t be able to attend.” Alya said, patting her best friend on the back comfortingly. Marinette yelped, the wrapped present in her hands almost falling onto the ground. She juggled with it for a moment before it settled back into her grasp. 

“Phew…” Marinette sighed while Alya giggled at her. She looked at the present and then up to the school. “Well, since he isn’t going to be there, I have to give this to Chloe now while we’re in school. There’s no point in going to the party with everyone anyways. I don’t want to get into an argument with her in front of everyone.”

“I still don’t understand why that happened. Maybe she got akumatized and accidentally sent out everyone an invite,” Alya scoffed, looking down at the e-vite still in her email. 

Today was Chloe Bourgeois’s birthday. Her 15th birthday to be precise. It was hard to remember that she was one of the oldest in the class when she 1) acted like such a stuck-up brat and 2) rarely told anyone she was celebrating her actual birthday until days after she came back from some far off celebration.

This year, Chloe had basically invited the entire school body over to the hotel her father owned. There were going to be celebrities, DJs, clowns, dances…basically everything a rich girl could buy with her parent’s money. 

“Maybe she’s getting better, Alya. She has helped Ladybug and Chat Noir save Paris multiple times,” Marinette said, forcing a smile on her face.

“Yeah, only after creating the problem in the first place. She even tried to destroy all of Paris after they wouldn’t give her the bee miraculous back!” Alya huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I’m sure she knows that what she was doing was wrong. She’s getting better, you know? At least she’s not like–” Marinette started before someone ran right into her, sending her sprawling onto the pavement. 

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry Marinette!” a familiar voice said, practically dripping in insincerity. Just the sound of her voice sent Marinette’s teeth on edge. 

“I was captured by the akuma yesterday and my sense of balance is all out of whack.” Lila said, placing a hand on her head to sell the idea that she was dizzy. Alya helped Marinette to her feet before looking back at the redhead.

“Are you okay, Lila? Do you need some help walking up the stairs?” Alya asked, offering a hand out to her as well.

“I don’t remember seeing you being captured, Lila. When did that happen?” Marinette asked, brushing herself off and placing her present under her arm safely. 

“Oh, I was grabbed and pulled away pretty soon. I was taken all the way over to the Eiffel Tower and when it came down when Chat Noir cataclysmed it, I almost died!” Lila said dramatically, wobbling on her feet, unsure. Alya moved closer to her to have Lila lean up against her shoulder.

“I didn’t see that in any of the footage of the fights,” Marinette grumbled with a roll of her eyes. Of course, she knew that Lila was lying as she had made sure no one was in the Eiffel Tower when fighting off the akuma yesterday, but she couldn’t prove Lila wrong without letting her secret be known. 

“Well, maybe if Alya had been there to capture some better footage for the Ladyblog, you would have seen it. Where were you yesterday?” Lila asked innocently. 

Marinette tensed, looking between Alya, the fox miraculous holder, and Lila.

“Oh, I was at home. My cousins were too scared to be left alone. Maybe I could interview you for the blog!” Alya said with a happy smile on her face as she led Lila up the stairs.

“I would love that. Ladybug and I are such good friends after all.” Lila said.

Marinette had to chew on the corner of her present to stop herself from saying something then and there. The small red kwami floated up from her bag.

“It’s alright, Marinette. You know the truth, and you know that Lila will eventually be found out. Don’t worry about it too much.” Tikki said reassuringly. Marinette sighed.

“I know. It’s just so…so frustrating to see her lie like that. Alya didn’t even see her yesterday and she’s still utterly convinced. How does she do that?” Marinette asked. Tikki went to respond, then hid inside Marinette’s purse again before getting caught.

“How does she do what?” Another familiar voice asked, causing Marinette to jump again, though this time her fall was stopped by a pair of strong arms wrapping around her waist. 

In front of her were Adrien’s deep green eyes and his soft smile. Marinette flushed bright pink and was suddenly very aware of how close she was with the love of her life. She quickly jumped out of his arms.

“Oh! Uh, hi Adrien! I was just laking about Tyla! I mean walking about the aisle-uh.” Marinette stammered nervously before taking a deep breath and trying again. “Just talking about Lila to myself,”

“Lila? Is everything okay? Did she say anything to you?” Adrien asked, his smile vanishing and his brows furrowing. He had always tried to give Lila the benefit of the doubt as she seemed to be living a very sheltered life, much like his own, but there were times when that just couldn’t happen. She always seemed to be out to hurt Marinette and Ladybug and he couldn’t let that happen. 

“Oh, not really to me. She just gets on my nerves sometimes,” Marinette said, rubbing the back of her head nervously. 

“I know what you mean. Let me know if she bothers you again and I’ll talk to her,” Adrien said and pat Marinette on the shoulder. That’s when he noticed the present under her arm. “Is that for Chloe?”

“Uh this? No way! I mean, yeah! Of course it is!” Marinette said and held up the present for him to see. It was wrapped in golden wrapped paper with a shimmering gift bow placed neatly on the top.

“Aren’t you going to the party later? Why’d you bring the present to school?” Adrien asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Oh, well, I have to go to the bakery after school and you know all the schoolwork that I’ve been missing because I’ve been sleeping in so much. I have to catch up on that and, yeah.” Marinette rambled.

“That’s a shame. My father is allowing me to go tonight. I would have loved it if you were there, Marinette. I know you two don’t get along very well, but I think you’re a good influence on her.” Adrien said. Marinette’s blush grew brighter.

“Uhhhh, yeah, really? To the party you? Going? Well, maybe I could talk to my dad about letting me leave the bakery. I wouldn’t want to let you down. Or let her down.” Marinette continued. 

“Look out!” Alix’s voice called out as she zoomed towards Adrien and Marinette on her roller-skates. 

Quick as a flash, Adrien grabbed Marinette by under her arms and moved her out of harms way. Alix slowed herself to a stop and spuna around to see if she had hurt anyone.

“Sorry about that guys.” She said and gave a little salute, “Could you tell Miss Bustier that I won’t be in class today? My grandpa wanted me to run some errands for him,”

“Okay, Alix!” Adrien said with a smile, not realizing that he was still holding Marinette by her underarms. That was, until Marinette started giggling uncontrollable. He set her down quickly, a fond smile on his face.

“Sorry about that, Marinette. A little ticklish?” He asked with an eyebrow raised. 

“Pssh, what? I mean, a little maybe? Perhaps. That wasn’t even my worst spot. Not that I have a worst spot. What are we talking about? Oh, the party! Right, yeah. I’ll see what I can do about being there for the party. Thanks, Adrien!” Marinette rambled, making sure she had both Chloe’s present and her handbag before bolting up the stairs. 

Adrien just shook his head as he watched her stumble and almost fall again. Marinette was so weird, but in a good way. It did make him kind of sad that she could never act normally around him like this, but at least she was still a good friend. 

The only times he had ever really seen Marinette as herself, without stammering or falling over every five seconds, was when he was as his superhero persona, Chat Noir. 

“You know, Adrien,” Plagg said, floating up from his shirt pocket. “Marinette’s laugh is kinda cute, don’t ya think?”

“Marinette? Of course she is.” Adrien said before walking back up the stairs to class. 

~

Marinette stumbled into class, falling into her seat next to her friend rather ungracefully.

“What took you so long, girl?” Alya asked, resting her hand on Marinette’s shoulder.

“Adrien just tickled me,” Marinette said in a soft whine so that no one would hear what she had just said. 

“He– what? Why?” Alya asked, amused yet thoroughly confused.

“He was just moving me out of the way and picked me up by my arms. He picked me up like I was nothing and I completely embarrassed myself by being so ticklish. He’s gonna think that’s so childish,” Marinette said, resting her head on top of the desk as she pouted.

“Well, you’re lucky he didn’t find your death spot, Marinette.” Alya said, wiggling her fingers menacingly at her friend.

“Ahahalya!” Marinette giggled, scooting away even though Alya wasn’t even tickling her yet.

“Maybe I’ll tell him where they are. Wouldn’t that be fun? Oooh maybe having him tickle you would make you act more normal around him.” Alya teased. Marinette playfully pushed her friend on the shoulder and Alya poked her in one of her death spots – a spot between her uppermost ribs.

Marinette squealed and toppled off of her seat. The majority of the class laughed it off, and Marinette blushed.

“What a klutz.” Lila huffed with a roll of her eyes. Kim turned around.

“Aren’t you ticklish, Lila?” He asked innocently.

“It’s probable that she is, Kim. Roughly 73% of people in the world are ticklish to some degree,” Max said with a small nod.

“Oh, well I must be a part of the 27% of people who aren’t.” Lila lied. “I actually have a really rare condition where I can’t laugh at all anymore. It’s really sad,”

“Oh, the Pseudobulbar affect? That’s so sad, Lila. I’m so sorry to hear that.” Max said and looked over Lila with a sense of pity.

“It is, but I get by. Maybe it’ll be cured by a true love’s kiss, but I don’t know of anyone who would want to do that for me.” Lila sighed dramatically.

“I could for you!” Kim offered and puckered his lips.

“Thank you, Kim, but I think it has to be someone who has a crush on me. Like, for real. I actually think Adrien might have a crush on me, but I could be reading it wrong. Oh well. Guess I’ll never be able to laugh,” Lila sighed.

“Don’t worry, Lila! I’ll talk to Adrien at the party tonight! We’ll get you laughing in no time!” Kim offered triumphantly.

~ ~ ~ ~

“This had better be the funniest clown ever. This is my birthday party after all and I can’t have it be anything less than perfect.” Chloe said while her servants ran around the hotel wildly, setting up decorations and putting together different games for the children to play.

Chloe looked at her phone invites in disgust.

“It was really nice of you to invite everyone from school, Chloe. Everyone is going to have so much fun!” Sabrina said excitedly.

“Of course, Sabrina. A party without lots of people would be ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. Besides, Adrikins needs to be able to see that I’ve grown since my last birthday.” Chloe said.

Just as she finished her sentence, the clown for the party stepped in. He was a slender guy with a brightly colored suit on and a big round nose. Le Pitre, his clown name was and he was the best in all of Paris. 

“Knock knock, is that the birthday girl?” Le Pitre asked as he wandered in.

“Is this supposed to be the best clown in Paris? He at least dressed the part, maybe you could give my classmate Marinette some fashion tips, ahahaha,” Chloe laughed and then walked away to focus on some other aspect of her party. Le Pitre watched her walk away and then shrugged.

“Not exactly the laugh I was going for, but it’ll do! I bring laughter and joy to every part of the city i’m in!” Le Pitre said.

Little did he know that there was one person in all of Paris that would stop him from achieving his hilarious dream…

<3 GA!babe. 

[happyandticklish]

Not Like That

Notes: I just finished Sex Education on Netflix and it was amazing! Highly recommend it, though it is a rather mature show, fair warning. In regards to the fic, slight NSFW only in that the act of sex is mentioned but there’s no actual description of it. 

Summary: Adam never smiles and Eric finally stumbles across a method of making that a reality. 

“You know, you’re really good at this for someone who pretended to be straight my first three years of high school.”

Adam grunted and gently bit his neck in retaliation for the comment. “You talk too much.

“You know, you’re not the first person to say that to me.”

The two were curled up in one of the many chairs they had rummaged out of the trash heap that was their meeting spot. It was rickety and falling apart at the seams, but Eric enjoyed the semi romantic aspect to it; a bed would have been too formal. Adam liked it because it meant he could tilt the chair back and Eric would let out a startled yelp that he found adorable.

Currently, Adam was pressed up against Eric, devouring him from the neck down. They had quickly discovered that Adam was a far more affectionate lover than he was person and often enjoyed doing most of the grunt work. Eric had tried to reverse their positions loads of times, but Adam would always turn it back on him by either pinning his hands above his head or physically biting him as he he had seconds beforehand, not that Eric was complaining really.

Eric slid his hands under the hem of Adam’s shirt, the soft material giving instantly. Adam closed his eyes, tightening his grip on the other boy. He moved down, softly sucking the delicate skin of his chest and down his stomach, causing Eric to inhale sharply. They only got so far before Adam stiffened, freezing under his hands.

“Adam?” Eric slowly opened his eyes, breathing uneven as he spoke the name. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he snapped immediately. Eric narrowed his eyes, opening his mouth to pursue the subject further, but Adam was already unbuckling the clasps of his jeans and all conversation was soon lost to him.

Nothing happened again until they were finished, Eric’s face buried in Adam’s chest while he listened to his gentle breathing. He traced light spirals up and down his back, the touch straying a bit too close to his sides at times. Adam hissed softly, goosebumps prickling down his skin. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Eric raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Don’t touch you? We just had sex, I think it’s a little late for that.”

“No,” Adam clarified, clearing his throat. “Just not, uh, not like that.”

“Like what.”

“Like…” Adam picked up the other boy’s hands, maneuvering the fingers so they traced over his sides yet again. “That.”

“Why?”

Adam sighed in annoyance, not wanting to have to spell it out for him. Eric could be strangely dense sometimes, and that was coming from him. “It… tickles. It tickled, I mean. When your hand… yeah.”

“Oh.” Eric paused, letting the information set in for a moment, before a devious grin began to take over his features. “Oh.”

Adam jerked back instinctively, but there was really only so much room in the broken down chair and he quickly found himself trapped between the armrest and Eric. “No. Don’t. I know what you’re planning, Tromboner, and you’ll be dead in the morning if you so much as try it.”

“You couldn’t kill me,” Eric scoffed. “Not to mention, you can’t just drop information like ‘Adam Groff is ticklish’ and expect me not to do anything about it.”

“Yes, I can,” Adam said, glaring intently at him in an attempt to gain back any intimidation factors he had possessed before. “And you won’t.”

“I’ll be gentle,” Eric promised, shifting around so that he straddling the other boy. “I just want to see what ticklish Adam looks like.”

“Fuck off—”

“Two minutes,” Eric interrupted, leaning forward. The sudden proximity caused a blush to bloom across Adam’s features, despite the fact that they had fucked less than two minutes ago. “Just two minutes and then you can shove me off, get revenge, do whatever. I just want two minutes without any interruptions.”

Adam bit his lip, mulling it over. “And I can get you back for it?”

“Sure, sure,” Eric agreed hastily, pushing back his own nerves. He could already tell Adam wasn’t going to go easy on him afterwards. Still, it was too good an oppurtunity to overlook; he would just have to make sure every second counted. “Do we have a deal?”

Adam examined him critically, quickly weighing out the cost/benefits in his mind. Finally he grunted, reluctantly pulling his arms above his head. “Fine. Just two minutes though.”

Eric grinned triumphantly and Adam felt his stomach flood with butterflies. He wasn’t super accustomed to feeling nervous, at least not this nervous. Scared sure, sometimes even downright terrified, but usually that was interspersed with feelings of anger and pain. This was… nice. Like having your first kiss or that feeling he would get whenever he caught Eric’s eye and the latter would smile back at him.

He interlaced his fingers at the back of his neck, locking them in place. He wanted to have a strong hold just in case he found it was more than he could handle and try to back out.

Eric’s hands rested on his stomach for a moment, lightly tapping his fingers. Adam watched him apprehensively. “Well?”

“Well what?” Eric asked innocently, every once in a while giving too firm of a tap and making the other boy flinch.

“Well,” Adam repeated irritably. “Aren’t you going to tickle me?”

“Yes, I just want to find the right way to go about it. You’ll know when I start.”

Okay, this was already more than he could handle. When Eric had first suggested it he had assumed he meant a quick rough and tumble kind of thing that he could grunt his way through and be over with. Now, with his body so stretched out and vulnerable and Eric’s eyes calculatingly roaming over him, he was beginning to regret his choice.

When Eric’s finally began, it was softer than he was expecting it to be. Starting at his hips, Eric slowly crawled his fingers up his sides in a way that was ever-so-gentle and undeniably ticklish. Adam inhaled sharply, his eyebrows drawing up helplessly as he fought to hold in laughter. Already every part of him wanted to shove Eric away and rub away the devastating sensations. Instead he just sat there, waiting in dreadful anticipation for Eric to reach his final destination.

Inches away from his armpits, however, Eric stopped his ascent and went all the way back to his hips. The sudden movement started a stifled grunt from him and Adam glared at him, quickly catching on to his game. Eric acted oblivious as he began the climb anew, this time digging in a little more with his fingers.

It only took three runs of the cruel teasing before Adam finally broke and stuttered laughter rose from his throat, a desperate edge to it. Eric’s eyes widened at the sound, one he had heard rarely in his life. His laugh was rough around the edges, like him, but there was a softer, more subdued side to it that made Eric’s heart melt. One of his favorite things about these secret meetings was getting to see these new, gentler sides to Adam, reserved only for him. He determined then that this would not be the last time he made him laugh like this.

“A-Ahaha, E-Eheric,” Adam stammered, legs trembling as he fought not to accidentally knee the other boy off of him. “T-Thahahat’s… heh, thahahahat’s—”

“What?” Eric asked curiously, but picked up the pace of his fingers so they raced towards his armpits before dragging back down his hips. “That’s what?”

Adam jumped at that, snorting. “Thahahat tihihihihickles!”

“I know man,” Eric agreed. “That’s kind of the whole point.”

The first minute and a half proceeded thusly, with Eric keeping Adam constantly on the edge as he tried to figure out what Eric was going to do. Soon his laughter became a mixture of breathy giggles and whines, a blush blooming across his features. Adam quickly regretted the decision to put his hands behind his head as it made it impossible to cover his expressions that he found dorky and Eric found adorable.

Finally though, Eric decided it was time to strike. He spidered his fingers around his hips for a moment, throwing the other boy off guard, and then jumped up to his armpits, drilling his fingers in viciously.

Adam shrieked. The bolt of electricity that shot through him sent fresh laughter tumbling from his mouth and instantly his arms came down and he shoved Eric off a bit harder than he probably needed to. This resulted in Eric falling out of the chair, eyes wide at the unexpected turn of events, and yelping as he hit the ground. Adam, skin still tingling slightly, quickly scrambled from his chair to see if the other was okay.

Eric, however, was laughing when Adam crouched over him, the sheer ridiculousness of the situation setting in. His concern quickly turned to embarrassment, and Adam crossed his arms petulantly as Eric sat up on his elbows. “It’s not funny.”

“It is funny,” Eric argued, shaking his head. “I never knew you were that ticklish man.”

“I’m not,” Adam insisted immediately, prompting Eric to fall into another round of laughter at the obvious denial. “Whatever. I get to get my revenge now, right? That was the deal.”

That shut him up. Eric sat up fully, subconsciously gripping his sides in preparation. “No, that was not the deal. The deal was that if you could last for two minutes then you could get me back. You only lasted for one minute and 45 seconds.”

“I rounded up.” Adam was grinning in a way that was wholly unsettling and Eric’s stomach dropped. “Now let’s see how you handle it, Effiong.”

Eric, as it turned out, was a screamer, and the two were quickly discovered and kicked out before anything serious could happen. When the two of them were saying goodbye, however, Adam managed to sneak a hand under Eric’s shirt when they were kissing and ghost his fingers quickly over his skin. It was a promise of a proper revenge yet to come, and between Eric’s nervous grin and Adam’s devious one, it was sure to be one he’d remember for a while.

[theprophetsaid]

I’M SCARED - ANALYSIS

While Another World will live rent-free in my head forever, I’m Scared makes me want to scream. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but I know that I had to do an analysis of this one as well. 

Disclaimer: I’m not telling you what to think. I’m writing my analysis based on how the song is presented. You are free to make up your own mind about it. 

Part I: This is personal 

Since I can’t find an interview where Brian talks about I’m Scared, I’ll discuss how he sees himself as a songwriter and how that influences the song. In an interview about his album Back To The Light, Brian says:

"(...) I can only function if a song means something to me regarding human relationships. I like to write about things that are personal, rather than about politics and other wider issues.” 

He labels himself as a personal writer who, above all else, writes about human relationships. That is important in the context of I’m Scared, as it allows me to assume that the voice in the song belongs to himself, not a made up character. 

Brian worked on this album during a period of massive emotional turmoil for him, while he was struggling with his mental health and thought his life was in ruins. That, as you will see, also relates to this specific song. 

Edit / addition:

Since writing this analysis I’ve come across an interview where Brian (very briefly) talks about the song: GW: "I'm Scared" is an interesting one.

MAY: Yeah, that goes back a long way. I kept doing different versions of that, as I kept finding out that I was scared of more and more things. And I figured that most of us are. We just keep it inside. I think it's good to let all that stuff out sometimes. Do a bit of screaming. — Guitar World Magazine, January 1993.

Here, Brian says that the song took a long time to write, but he also “confirms” that it’s about his own fears. In other words, this song is about himself.

Furthermore, Brian has revealed (on his live stream last week) that ‘I’m Scared’ is the first song he wrote for the album. Do what you will with that information.

With all of this in mind, I’ll break down the lyrics and the story that they tell.

—

Part II: The Story

You take me to the party You put me on the stand You're pumping up my heart To the beating of the band You toss it in the air And you don't care where it lands You take it, you break it You're hurting me There’s a clear dynamic set up here. There’s a ‘me’ (Brian, presumably) and a ‘you’ (someone else), but this dynamic is framed in a certain way right off the bat because the person he’s with is doing everything, and doing them to Brian (’You take me to the party’; ‘You put me on the stand). 

The phrase, ‘Pumping up my heart’ seems to be a metaphor for attraction and the heart-racing sensation that it often causes. Then after ‘pumping up [Brian’s] heart’, this person carelessly plays with it and breaks it, hurting him. This person that he’s with is in control while Brian is presented as passive and, frankly, rather powerless in comparison. 

Because I wasn't prepared I couldn't go where you dared You got my whole soul bared I never knew that you cared (No it just ain't fair) I’m scared (x13)

This chorus more or less explains the imbalance in control by implying that it relates to bravery. Brian doesn’t consider himself as daring as the other person, which would make him less able/likely to take control in the dynamic.

Also, ‘you got my whole soul bared’ is interesting because it implies that this person understands Brian on an intimate level in spite of him not opening up; Brian didn’t intentionally bare his soul to them but they can somehow see it regardless.

You take me out to dinner And you swallow me whole You're nothing but a sinner With a dark black soul I figured I could handle you But I'm just a toy You're getting bolder and bolder You're just a bad bad boy

This verse is the game-changer. It describes that Brian went out to dinner with whoever this person is. The difference in bravery/control between them is consistent, but the metaphors that describe the dynamic here are not emotional as they are in the first verse. They are sexual. ‘You swallow me whole’, ‘sinner’, and ‘toy’ have those clear connotations, which heavily implies that there is a sexual aspect to this dynamic. 

(Moreover, being swallowed whole alludes to a... very specific sexual act and I frankly don’t know what to do with that information, but I’ll leave it here: It’s a blowjob, folks.)

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? It’s that last line. It changes everything about this song.

Brian is singing about a man. 

The ‘you’ is explicitly gendered as male. That is non-debatable. Moreover, gendering the ‘you’ in this verse, specifically, is a bold move because it includes so much sexual language. Brian describing himself as this man’s toy, singing about being ‘swallowed whole’ and being unable to handle him... It alludes to a sexual relationship, and I didn’t read into that. That’s just how it’s presented.

What you staring at You're such a scaredy cat When I know that I just can't fight it So what you staring at You're such a scaredy cat Because I'm only scared that maybe I might like it

Edit / Section changed due to new interpretation:

This bridge is interesting mostly because of the way Brian sings it. The bolded lines are sung in a tone that’s different from that of the unbolded ones. It creates the feeling of two people speaking to each other. This makes even more sense when you look at the lines themselves. “What you staring at, you’re such a scaredy-cat” seems like a taunt, whereas “When I know I just can’t fight it” and “Because I’m only scared that maybe I might like it” are framed like responses to this taunt. This paints a picture of the man taunting Brian for staring/being scared, and Brian “responding” to this with the bolded lines.

Now, as far as the meaning behind the bolded lines goes, the ‘it’ is unspecific. However, when you view them in the context of the previous verse, which has a very sexual tone, I think it’s safe to assume what it is that he can’t fight. What he’s scared of liking. It’s about attraction, and it’s about sex. 

After this fear of ‘maybe liking it’ has been sung, the song breaks off into a section in which Brian sings about everything that frightens him. When you listen to the recording, the fears are thrown at you in a rapid pace and it’s difficult to hear them as they pan from ear to ear, but here are some of them:

I'm scared to change, I'm scared to stay the same I'm so scared I want to die I'm scared of dying I'm scared of my thoughts I'm scared of being found out

The bolded fear ‘I’m scared of being found out’ is the last thing you hear when you listen to the song because Brian screams it; it’s louder than anything else. But overall this whole section is a major red flag for his mental health deteriorating; it presents fear as a constant whirl in his mind. Each fear seems to produce yet another fear until it becomes a spiral of sorts. 

(Interestingly, the spiral seems to grow out of his fear of ‘maybe liking it’.)

Following this section, the lyrics jump back to the story of Brian and the other man:

You take me to the limit You take me to the brink You left me with the blues When you found me in the pink You know just what you're saying But your metaphors stink I gotta lick it,or stick it Or this is the end

Edit / section changed due to new interpretation:

As we return to the verse structure, we also return to the dynamic, with the lines “You take me to the limit, you take me to the brink.” These illustrate that the man has taken Brian to “his limit”, probably emotionally, and “to the brink,” which, again… if you look at it in relation to the language and connotations of the previous verse… it can be seen as a, um, sexual brink, if you know what I mean.  

“You left me with the blues when you found me in the pink”. As @iwilltrytobereasonable pointed out in the comments, in the pink is an old metaphor for being in your optimal state of health and wellbeing. The blues is a self-explanatory contrast to that. To me, this line is Brian saying, “You met me at a time where I was doing well but, because of what you did to me, I’m now depressed. So fuck you.”

Now, “I gotta lick it or stick it, or this is the end” is still mysterious to me, but as someone pointed out in the comments, it might be a form of ultimatum. Because this dynamic is written as sexual, I’m gonna assume that the ultimatum is, too.  Since Brian “couldn’t go” where the other man dared, does this refer back to that? Was he given the option to either “lick it” or “stick it”, but couldn’t go there so it just ended? To me, that makes the most sense.

The Hidden Lyric:

Before I move onto the melody, there’s one last thing that I want to talk about, which is a hidden lyric toward the end of the track. By “hidden” I mean that it wasn’t included on the lyric sheet, but you can hear it, muffled in the background. As Brian sings, “I’m scared, I’m scared” repeatedly, there’s a single time where you can hear him quickly yell “Maybe I’m wrong!” afterward.

So the hidden lyric is:

I’m scared (Maybe I’m wrong!)

And… this line kills me because, keeping everything in mind about the narrative of this song and the emotions that it discusses… What might Brian be wrong about?? And why does that scare him so badly?? I think it’s pretty self-explanatory but it seems to be an acknowledgement that he might be wrong… about himself.

With all of That out of the way, I want to end by discussing the melody of the song quickly. 

—

Section III: The Melody

If you read the lyrics to this song before listening to it, chances are that you’re gonna be thrown off as soon as you press ‘play’ because the melody and overall tempo of the song does not match the content of the lyrics at all. It’s a fast-paced, guitar-heavy beat that makes your head spin. The singing is aggressive and full of confidence, which immediately diminishes the heavy words that are coming out of Brian’s mouth. 

Because the beat is so overwhelming, Brian can sing ‘I’m scared’ about 50 times (or more, I haven’t actually counted) in the song and it won’t really land because the rhythm is too distracting. The rhythm tells you something else, it says, ‘bang your head and forget about it’ 

I definitely find it alarming that he sings about such intense fear in a nonchalant way, in a way that almost forces the listener to look past it. Why would Brian choose to do this? I dare suggest that it is to present this song as the ultimate case of irony. It’s as if he’s saying, ‘I’m pouring my heart out to you and you don’t even notice because I’m singing like everything’s fine. I’m pretending that everything is fine.” 

—

Final Thoughts:

So, why does this song make me want to scream?

Well, I think that should be obvious by now. I know this analysis could make some people uncomfortable but, frankly, I don’t care. I don’t think it’s appropriate to ignore the obvious implications of the song’s narrative simply because we don’t want to question what we think we know about Brian’s sexuality. The fact of the matter is that I’m Scared is about a man, and not only that, it is intentionally sexual in tone. That, I think, is non-debatable. What it means, well... As I said, you are free to ponder that on your own. 

[onyxiana-is-obsessed]

Misunderstanding | Hitoshi Shinsou x Reader

AN: Yo! How’s it going, friends! So, this is a soulmate au with Shinsou and I’ve been wanting to write this fic for a while, so I finally got around to it! Side note: Hitoshi’s hero name is Mindjack. Length: 2.3k Pronouns used: They/them Soulmate connection: The first words your soulmate says to you is written somewhere on your body.

Summary: For years, Shinsou believed his soulmate thought he was a villain, after all, that’s what it said on his body. But when he meets you, he’s a little surprised and what your words meant.

Hitoshi Shinsou often hated the world. Not only was it exceptionally unfair, but it was also cruel. Every single person in the world was paired up with a soulmate, one they were perfectly matched up with. For most people, this wasn’t an issue, but something positive they all looked forward to. That meant they didn’t have to go through the whole dating scene and heartbreak before meeting their one true love. 

Hitoshi disagreed. 

Every fated pair had a connection; the first line one of them says to the other. Their very first words to one another were plastered onto their skin. The words would appear on a child’s skin at the age of two and Hitoshi was no different. However, the words he’d received were just plain confusing. Until he got older, then they were the bane of his existence.

Hitoshi glared at this chest, which held the words his soulmate would say. Right above his heart, neatly written, were their first words.

“A villain’s quirk, huh?”

So even that stupid soulmate of his believed he was a villain. All he wanted was to be a hero, all he ever pushed himself to do was become a hero. Everyone doubted him because of his quirk, a stupid ability he had no control over.

He didn’t mean to, but overtime, Hitoshi started to hate people. He started to dislike everyone around him. No one gave him a chance, they always judged him before he could even defend himself. How could they? He desperately wanted to be a hero not a villain, yet here they were almost turning him into one.

What a hypocritical society he lived in. They held heroes in the highest regard, praised, and almost worshiped them. Yet, here was an innocent student striving to give his life to protect the same people who threw insults at him, basically deeming him a villain.

Despite all of this, Hitoshi persevered. He pushed through everyone and made it into the hero course. They were… a godsend, really. Class 2A. Especially people like Midoriya, Kirishima, and Kaminari. They pushed him harder than he pushed himself and they often referred to him as a hero. Something he so desperately needed.

However, Hitoshi always has a lingering fear. That his soulmate would think he was a villain too. The words on his chest were… daunting. Why would his soulmate say that to him? Out of all the damn things they could say, this was it? Nothing else?

No matter how Hitoshi looked at it, he couldn’t see a positive outcome. All he saw was a faceless soulmate of his, throwing insults at him just like everyone else. Calling him the one thing he despised so much.

A villain.

~**~

It was the end of the school day and Hitoshi had packed all his stuff, ready to go home. Recently, his connection had been acting up. It would sometimes tingle and sting a little, other times it was a calming, warm sensation. As much as Hitoshi hated his soulmate, he couldn’t help but bask in that comfort. It eased all his worries, often making his stresses melt away. Something he needed.

Exams were coming up and once he passed this, he would graduate. Then, he could officially start on his dream to become a hero. The road was difficult and filled with a lot of uncertainty, but he was almost done. He was so close.

“Hey, Shinsou!” Hitoshi stopped walking and looked behind him, a smile gracing his features. “How are you?” Midoriya asked as he stopped next to his purple-haired friend.

“I’m good, yourself?”

“Pretty good! Exams are coming up, you think you’re prepared? I’m so nervous! After this, we’ll graduate and become real heroes!” Hitoshi nodded, feeling excitement build up in his chest. His life goal was so close, within his reach.

“I am. Think you’ll have time to spar with me this weekend?” Midoriya nodded with a big smile.

“Most definitely! Kiri and I are gonna be sparring too, tomorrow after school, if you wanna join us! I would ask if you wanna join us today but you said you were busy earlier.” Hitoshi nodded at his words.

“Yeah, I have some stuff to do after school, including some homework I’ve been waiting to finish. But I can definitely join you two tomorrow, if that’s ok with you guys.”

“Of course it is!” Midoriya chirped, giving him a bright smile. “You know we love to train with you! Oh! There he is! Kiri!”

“Midoriya! Shinsou!”

“Well, I have to go! See you tomorrow, Shinsou.”

“You good, have fun Midoriya. Hey Kiri!” Kirishima and Midoriya waved one last time before they took off, heading the other way.

As Hitoshi walked home, his mind returned to the exam. They’d have a written portion and then the physical portion. Both required for graduation. Hitoshi was ready, he’d been studying plenty recently. He just needed to work on the physical-

“That’s him. The one with the villain’s quirk.” Hitoshi frowned, hearing the woman talking to her friend. Immediately, his mind blanked and all he could think of was how no one would accept him as a hero. Now that Hitoshi was 18, he just stopped arguing with people. Instead, he chose to ignore them but that didn’t work most of the time. Sure, he’d never confront them, but their words stuck, slowly breaking at the confidence his classmates help build up.

“Not sure why he’s even bothering to be a hero.”

“Right! Better off joining the villains. He belongs there anyway.” The other woman laughed. As much as Hitoshi wanted to scream and argue, he kept his mouth shut. There was no point. Ever since his 2nd year, all he did was try to show everyone he was a hero and a good one. He had spent his entire work-study proving he wasn’t a villain, but he could only do so much. Some people would just never accept him and he needed to come to terms with that fact. These two women were the perfect example. What else could he do? He was tired.

It seemed like karma was smiling down on him that day.

As Hitoshi walked by, someone bumped into him and ran to the two women. They screamed and backed up into a wall. One was able to get away, but the man ended up grabbing the other woman. She screamed as he pulled her against him, placing a blade against her throat.

People around them screamed and panicked, unsure of what to do and the man was already spewing demands. The woman that had gotten away, immediately looked for Hitoshi, but before even needing to be prompted, he jumped into action.

“Hey!” He pushed past everyone and stood in front of the woman and villain. He could see the fear and desperation in her eyes. Guess he’d get his chance to prove her wrong after all. “What do you want?”

The villain glared at Hitoshi before whispering something to the woman. Tears slid down her cheeks as the knife dug into her skin.

“H-He w-won’t sp-speak! H-he knows y-you’re qu-quirk.” She said, crying out when he tugged her close to him. She tried to struggle, but it seemed like he was much stronger than her, causing her to only tire out. That was a problem. Hitoshi didn’t have his capture weapon and the villain wasn’t talking. Next best thing, stalling.

“Ok, don’t hurt her. What do you want?” He whispered something to the woman, making her blink as more tears slid down her cheeks.

“H-he w-wants mo-money a-and a car t-to get away.”

“Money and a car? That’s easy. There are plenty of cars right here, I’m sure I can get one for you. But that money… we’re not near a bank.” He whispered something again, making the woman speak up.

“H-he s-AHH!” She screamed as he growled and said something, pulling on her. “E-empty your p-pockets!” Hitoshi’s eyes scanned the crowd and everyone looked at him for help. They knew him and now they needed him.

“I don’t think you’ll want their stuff,” Hitoshi said, holding his hands out, his eyes on the knife. “I can get you the money, but I need her to be safe and sound.” The villain glared at Hitoshi and whispered something to the terrified woman who let out a sob before talking.

“H-he said h-he’ll k-ki-kill me. I-if you d-don’t listen to him.” Hitoshi had an idea, but it was extremely risky. No reinforcements followed so that meant he was on his own.

“Calm down. Don’t hurt her,” he sighed before pushing his strategy, “how much?”

“T-ten thousand.”

“Oh I don’t think we have that. I think there’s a bank down that road, it’s not close but we can make it. Let go of her and I’ll take you there myself.”

“Y-you go! H-he’ll st-stay here wi-with me.”

“Well damn, I can’t do that.” Hitoshi sighed before a smirk made its way onto his face. His eyes gazed into the villain’s, before he looked the villain up and down. “Are you scared? You’re shaking.”

“H-he says sh-shut up.”

“I’m just making an observation.”

“H-he’ll kill me!”

“For a thief, you’re not a very good one. I’m just pointing it out.” That got him.

“JUST SHUT-“ His eyes turned milky white and everyone froze.

“Let go of her.” Immediately, his arms fell off of her and she ran to Hitoshi. Without even thinking, Hitoshi took her in his arms, holding her tightly against him. “Oh your knees, hands above your head.” The villain complied immediately and everyone burst into cheers. 

The woman hugged Hitoshi, thanking him numerous times. He nodded as someone from the crowd called for help. Within 10 minutes, the police and pro heroes arrived.

The woman was taken away and after everyone was questioned, they were allowed to go home. 

As Hitoshi started walking home, a voice called out to him, stopping him. He turned his head and looked back at the person, waiting for them to talk.

“A villain’s quirk, huh?” The words on his chest tingled and warmed up, the universal sign of his soulmate speaking the words marking his skin. Almost immediately, Hitoshi turned hostile, ready to lash out. DID THEY NOT SEE WHAT HE JUST DID?! So this was his dumb soulmate?! Great! He’d been dying to give this bitch a piece of his mind for a good 15 years! He faced them prepared to argue but froze at the words that came from their mouth. “I don’t think there’s such a thing. Besides, you clearly proved otherwise. Congratulations, Mindjack.”

Wait, what?

The look on his face caused them to laugh a little. He’d just barely registered the look of amusement on their face.

“I know what they say about you. I’ve… never believed it was true. I hate how people say that someone has a “villain’s quirk”, there is no such thing. Your quirk is how you use it. Look at All Might. A powerful giant who smashed villains with his fists. No one called him a villain.” He couldn’t believe the words coming out of his soulmate’s mouth. They didn’t think he was a villain! It was all just a misunderstanding.

God, did he hate himself...

He grew up hating his soulmate, coming up with the best speech and argument he could. He’d prepared a pretty damn solid one too, but now he had to throw that all out the window because none of what he thought was true. His soulmate didn’t think he was a villain… they just got cut off! Why the hell did it do that anyway? Was this just some cruel joke from the universe?

Unfortunately, to the person in front, they had no idea Hitoshi was their soulmate, since the hero had yet to say a single word to them. Now that the majority of the public had thinned out, they decided it was best to leave.

“Well uh… see you around.” They said and turned to leave, walking in the opposite direction. His first words were ridiculously dumb because he didn’t even try to stop her. All he could say was:

“My soulmate doesn’t think I’m a villain.” They paused, their eyes widening as their back tingled and heated up. That… MINDJACK WAS THEIR SOULMATE?! They turned around, facing him, seeing the same shocked expression on his face.

“Y-you’re m-my soulmate?” They squeaked out, making him slowly nod. They almost cried from happiness. Just like Hitoshi, the words on their back were something they’d questioned almost every single day. Why would they think their soulmate was a villain? Was he really? They grew up believing their fated half was a villain. That maybe they’d done something but at the same time, none of it made sense. Why would their other half say that if they were a villain?

“I am,” Hitoshi said confidently. The fear had melted away from both of them, the uncertainty finally put to rest. “I-I’m Hitoshi Shinsou.” He introduced, his eyes meeting their beautiful (e/c) ones.

“Hitoshi…” they whispered, a smile gracing their features. “I’m (y/f/n). N-nice to meet you.” Hitoshi chuckled and nodded, looking down for a second. He’d never felt… so giddy and content. His eyes widened and he almost didn’t catch them. Without him realizing it, they’d run towards him, throwing themselves on him.

Hitoshi sighed, closing his eyes and pulling their body flush against his. His arms tightened around them, as if he was scared to let go. He didn’t want them to just… disappear.

(f/n) didn’t think he was a villain. Hitoshi was ashamed for hating them for no damn reason and vowed to make it up to them. (y/f/n) was his soulmate, his and his alone. The universe had chosen this beautiful person for someone like him and he would cherish and love them for as long time would let him.

[nite-shay]

His Hero Part 4 (Kirishima Eijirou x Reader)

A/N: I don’t know if I’m completely happy about this chapter. I’m trying to get better with witting panic/anxiety/non-humor, so hopefully, next time, it’ll be a little better. Also, sorry for the long time off and just sporadic posting. Works been hell, but now that we’ll hopefully *grain of salt* were getting more people hired, I’ll have more motivation and time to write 

Warnings: Panic/anxiety , references to sex and/or sexual acts (nothing descriptive but suggestive) so I guess 18+? IDK how this works :/ If yer too young, offended by sex , sexual acts, sexual reference or don’t know where babies come from, please don’t read.

Word count: 3K 

Other then that, please enjoy! :D  

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4

*****

Kirishima didn’t protest when Fat sent him home for the day. 

‘Go home. Clear your head. Call me if you need anything.’ 

Honestly, he barely heard his mentor’s words. He just sat there staring at the screen. Watching, pausing, rewinding, and watching again. Over and over again. It wasn’t until Fat picked him up and carried him to the door, did he finally get the memo.

Yeah... he didn’t need to be here right now...

The trip home was nothing but a blur, and honestly, he remembered nothing about it. His body was on autopilot as his mind tried to wrap the possibility that he might have a kid. 

A kid… A son… Your son… His son? But… How? Err… Wait! 

Ok, he knows the ‘how’ of how kids are made. 

Better phrasing, how could this have happened!? He was always careful with anyone he was with! Err, not that was a really long list or anything. Typically, he was only intimate with someone he’s known for a while, and when he was, he’d use a condom, or they were on the pill. 

Oh fuck. How could he have let this happen!?!?

Calm down. Calm down. 

Maybe he was just overthinking everything? It could just be a coincidence. Sure, he and the kid have some similarity, but hey, there’s like, billions of people on the planet! So some are bound to look alike! That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re related, right? Total chance! That’s it! It’s that stuff we learned in school. Static? No, that’s not right; that was in science. The other thing was in math...Statistics! Yeah, that’s it!

So what if the kid has red eyes? His best bud Katsuki does too! 

The sharp teeth? Look no further than his gym bro Tetsu! Hell, depending on the quirk, it can be a super common trait!

The quirk being exactly like his... well, ok, that was… odd. And yeah, he hasn’t run into any with his quirk specifically, but, big but, it doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there with his quirk! 

Or maybe it’s not his quirk! Maybe its a similar one! Really, really, reeeealllly similar.

Total coincidence! Anyone can have those traits!

He just… happens to have all of them… just like the kid… whose mother he just happened to have slept with… around six years ago… 

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!

The room suddenly felt like it was closing in on him. The air got thinner, making it harder for him to breathe. He jumped off the couch and started pacing. He’s had issues with anxiety for years, and one thing he did learn, when he got like this, he needed to move.

Breath and walk. Breath and walk. Breath and….wait! The kid can’t be more than five! He slept with you six years ago! Ha! The time doesn’t match up! So he can’t be his kid!

His legs felt like jello as the waves of panic finally came to a halt, and took a deep, much-needed deep breath.

He wasn’t a father.

This was a good thing. A great thing!

He doesn’t have a kid. The time frame didn’t add up. He was in the clear.

He should feel happy. Relief. Ecstatic!

So why did he feel like he just got punched in the gut? 

He sighed as he made his way to his fridge in search of something to calm his nerves. Beer isn’t his typical drink of choice, but he was glad he kept a few on hand in moments like this. Since he was single and didn’t have a roommate, his place was the place of choice for ‘bro’s night.’ 

Though sometimes, there was nothing like a cold one to just chill after a long hard day.

He grabbed one of the glass bottles by the neck, activated his quirk, and flicked the lid off with his thumb. Cool little party trick he learned a few years back. 

As he tilted the drink back, he took a long hard swallow and let his mind wander. The beer of choice today was one Katsuki preferred. It was good, smooth going down, and less alcohol content. Which was fine. Ochaco, even after giving birth, still couldn’t stand the smell of alcohol. Pregnancy wasn’t a subject Kirishima knew a lot about, but he knew enough to respect it. 

He’d seen her hauling ass many adays to the toilet of the slightest whiff of something she didn’t like.

Then the cravings came along, which prompted a few late-night trips to the store by Katsuki or himself if his bro was at work. 

He chuckled as he thought about the few times Katsuki had said something to piss her off and sent him over to the redhead’s place for the night. Only to call him back a little while later in tears because of mood swings. 

Towards the end was rough, though. She’d been put on bed rest and was in a lot of pain. Katsuki took fewer shifts during that time to stay home and help ease her in any way he could. 

Damn, she went through all that for, what almost a year? Maybe not quite a year, but it had to be close. 

Was it nine or maybe ten months?

His brain came to a screeching halt, mid-swallow as he started calculating.

Beer spewed out of his mouth and nose as he tried to breathe and swallow at the same time. 

The nine months adds almost a year! *Cough* Meaning the kid’s age would make sense! *Cough Cough*

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! It can’t be true, can it? He… He’d used protection… hadn’t he?

His mind raced as he thought back to that night six years ago.

It was Izuku’s birthday and his girlfriend, future wife Melissa, rented out a small private Terence at a hotel to celebrate. It was small, maybe fifteen people max: just some friends, family, and a few colleges of the green-haired hero.

He was having a few drinks while chatting with Denki and Hanta when he first saw you. That was when he first saw you… You were chatting with your Melissa and Izuku, and damn… he couldn’t stop staring at you. You were so beautiful, and the way you tried to hide your angelic smile every time you laughed made his heart skip a beat. 

Eventually, his two friends figured out just what or who had caught his attention. Which brought on a relentless amount of teasing. It took about twenty minutes, a few beers, and an angry blonde for him to finally make his way over to you.

Katsuki, at some point, approached his childhood friend, then proceeded to yell at him for some reason or another. Even on his birthday, the guy couldn’t catch a break. Now that he thought about it, it was over something All Might related. Something about a suit and which version was from what era? You were looking rather uncomfortable (Melissa was used to this) at the aggressive (mainly Katsuki) debate. That’s where he came in. With the help of Ochaco and Melissa, he finally got the two distracted enough to send them to opposite corners of the party. 

And then, he was left all alone with you.

He was so nervous that he even stumbled through his own name. Luckily, he played off his nervousness by making light of his two friends. To his surprise, you took his jokes in stride and even had a few comebacks of your own. 

The two of you must have talked for over an hour! Just one conversation after another. He’d never met anyone like you before. You were just so loving, kind, and just… wow!

Then things start to get a little fuzzy.

He remembered talking, drinking, joking, more talking, and more drinking. 

A weird memory of a drunk Denki yelling, “I swear to drunk I’m not God!” before face planting into the punch bowl. 

Then while everyone’s attention was on Denki, the two of you snuck away and back to his room. 

A makeout session on the elevator leads to the two of you missing his floor and shocking an elderly housekeeping lady. That was embarrassing but didn’t seem to stop the two of you.

Then things get really, really blurry, but somehow the two of you made it back to his room without any other incidents. 

While the rest of his memories were bits and pieces, but he… did remember the most of the ‘activates,’ and it’d been consensual, and yeah… he’d definitely used protection! That much he remembered!

The next thing he knew, it was the next morning, where he woke up alone, with a hangover, and felt better than he had in awhile. 

Too bad that feeling didn’t get to last. His phone rang not long after he woke up. It’d been work, a villain was causing trouble, and they needed him asap. 

He showered, dressed, grabbed his stuff, and left. 

Then… he’d gotten hurt… bad…

Ended up in the hospital for nearly a week. 

After he got out, he, well, had an interesting voicemail and charge on his credit card.

He blushed hard as he remembered the hotel’s message regarding the ‘damages’ done to the room. In particular, the ones done to the sheets and headboard. They even sent him pictures!

Damn, he couldn’t believe he lost control of his quirk like that. He hadn’t done that since… well, since his ‘first time.’ That was so embarrassing. Thankfully, he didn’t think he’d hurt you in the process. Of all the pictures and list of damages, blood-stained sheets weren’t listed. Maybe that’s why he never worked up the courage to reach out to you. Even if he didn’t hurt you, he might have scared you...

Wait….

He lost control of his quirk.

Oh… OH SHIT! Realization dawned on him.

Even if he had put a condom on, his quirk might have damaged it!

Then that means… there is a chance he's the father of your son!

FFFFFUCCCCKK!!!!

But wait.

If he really was your son… why haven’t you contacted him?

His footsteps slowed until he came to a standstill.

You would have told him if he was, wouldn’t you?

Granted, the two of you never exchanged numbers, and we’ll it’s not like he did much to reach out to you either, but… You would have known he’s friends with Izuku, so you knew a way to contact him. 

Two-way street, buddy. He internally lashed himself.

Between racking his brain and scolding himself, he didn’t hear the knock on his door until the visitor started pounding. 

“Oi! Shifty hair! Answer the damn door!” A loud, brash voice that could only belong to one person yelled through the abused door.

Katsuki? Why was he here?

Kirishima hurried over to the door before the blonde got too impatient and blew it down… again. He took a deep breath and put on his brightest and cheerful grin before opening the door to greet his grumpy best friend. 

“Oh hey, Bakubro, what’s up?” 

“Don’t bro me! Why the hell am I getting called from your boss to check up on you?” He growled.

“Fat called you?” That was a surprise. 

“Yeah, he did. Had to switch my patrol around and everything.” He brushed past the redhead, letting himself in. Kirishima sighed as he shut the door behind them. 

“I’m really sorry about that. Not sure wh-”

“Don’t start that bullshit with me.” Those fierce red eyes locked on to him. “And drop that fake ass smile. Always hated when you did that shit.” He mutters.

Damn, Fat just had to go and call him of all people. 

If it’d been anyone else, anyone at all, he could play this off. A bright grin, crack a joke or two, maybe a few reassuring words, and he could send them on their way. 

But not him.  No, not Katsuki. Most people wouldn’t in a million years think the aggressive blonde could show anything other than anger. And yeah, the guy was rough around the edges, and he wasn’t the best with words. But nonetheless, here he was. 

And sometimes, that’s all that mattered.

Fuck. 

“So why am I here?” Katsuki wasn’t backing down, so Kirishima took a deep breath.

“What did Fat tell you?” While his smile didn’t waver, he felt his stomach belly flop to the floor. 

“Bastard would spill it, just said you’d need me right and to get over here. Now what the fuck is going on?” While he still sounded angry, there was an underline concern in his tone that most people tend to miss. 

Who would have known that would be the thing to make him crack? Well, obviously, Fatgum knew, hence why he sent the blonde over. The great explosive hero was one of the few people that could blow a hole right through his hardened armor. 

Both figuratively and literally.

With tears in his eyes, he dropped his bright grin and let the damn of emotion bust. He explained everything that had happened. The robbery, the hospital, you, your son, the night he first met you, the security footage, everything! Hell, he was sure he went into a little too much detail when he described you and that night.

The blonde just stood there shell shocked as he tried to absorb the word vomit hurled at him. 

“S-so, yeah… I might… have a…” he couldn’t finish. He just let the silence hang between them. 

“You… dumbass.” He sighed quietly, running his hand through his hair before looking him right in the eyes. While his best friend was known far and wide to have a temper, when shit got real, it was eerie how calm and focused he was. “Are you sure he’s your?”

“I-I don’t know. I mean-”

“Have you talked to the mother?”

“N-No!” 

“Have you talked to anyone about this?” He pressed. “Does anyone else think you’re the father?”

“No! Well, Fat might, but that’s cause he was with me when I put the piece together. But I haven’t told or asked anyone else about this. Honestly, other than the mother, I don’t even know who else to go-” The redhead piped up. Something flashed in his friend’s eyes, and for a moment, he looked like he was ready to commit murder. Fuck was he made? He hadn’t come to him about this yet!? Of course, he was! He was finding this out because his boss called him, not because he had called him! Some friend he is... “I was totally going to call you about this! I swear! You’re my best friend. This just happened so suddenly!”

“I know you would, Ei. Chill.” The blonde’s features soften for a second, soothing the redhead some. But he could tell Katsuki was trying to keep his temper in check. “I’m not mad at you but, I’ll ask again. Does anyone else know about this?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. I only found out about this today, and I haven’t had any contact with (Y/N) since the other day and well at Izuku’s birthday party.”

“Ok. Stay here for a bit. You need to calm down. We need more information first. If he isn’t your kid, you’re losing your shit for nothing. And if he is... well,” He paused, “Cross that bridge when you come to it.” He pushed the hero towards the couch and made him sit down. “I need to make a phone call.” 

Kirishima blinked as his best friend made his way towards his front door. “NOW SIT THERE. SHUT UP AND CALM DOWN!”

*SLAM*

This was a new level of anger for the blonde. He couldn’t stand seeing the redhead like this. He felt even worse, leaving him alone like this. The damn guy lived off socialization with others, so for him to be facing this alone. 

Yeah... it really pissed him off.

The blonde stomped his way back to his apartment, which was just a few doors down. He did need to make a phone call; he hadn’t been lying. But it was a call, that big, dense red rock didn’t need to hear. 

Fuck. He couldn’t believe this. Did shitty hair really have a kid? 

Katsuki made his way inside his home. The home he shared with not only his wife but his newborn daughter. 

Fuck. He has a kid… and he never even knew. 

As he made his way through the foyer and into the living room, something caught his eye. Something black, orange, green, and tiny laid on top of a basket of unfolded laundry. It was the custom design onesie Momo had gotten for their daughter as a baby shower gift. The custom design was made to look like his hero costume. While he scoffed at the thing initially, he made sure that she wore home from the hospital. 

Well, tried. About halfway through the hospital parking lot, she decided now was the best time to need a diaper and outfit change. 

Little brat. He smirked.

If you’d ask him a few years ago what he thought of kids, he would have brushed it off, not really caring about it. His hero career was his focus. He needed no had to be number one. 

But now that he has a little one of his own, he realized there was more to life than being number one. Was he still going to do it? You bet your ass, but now that he has his wife and his child that climb to the top well, he couldn’t dream of making it there without them. 

He couldn’t imagine a world without her. Let alone a world where he didn’t realize she existed.

He whipped out his phone and thumbed through his contacts.

Especially if someone knew about them. 

He took a deep breath and hit send.  

Someone close to not only the kid but himself. 

And still not tell him.

He knows. There’s no way in hell that precipitative little shit doesn’t know!

One ring. Two rings. Three rings.

“K-Kacchan. This is a surprise. You never call. Is everything-” Katsuki cut him off. 

“We need to talk. Now.” 

****

Links: Part 1,  Part 2 ,  Part 3, Part 4

Thanks for the read! If you want see the other stuff I’ve done, click the link bellow!

MasterList

Tags: @hot-pocket01 ,  @simpforeveryone , @remember-happy-things 

[joonie-beanie]

Until The End

Pairing: Belphie x Bean

Genre: Angst

Words: 1,848

Anyway I got wrecked by this song last weekend, and I wanted to write some angst based off of it.

So :’) Here we are.

TW: Mentions of death

Despite their near-immortality, their strength, and status--the seven brothers are not infallible. 

They are not beings who have been blessed with the perfect lives. They have strife, and experience pain just like anyone else. 

Bean is aware of this, of course. She is aware of their pasts--of the moments they shy away from talking about. She understands their heartbreak, just as she accepts her own. But sometimes, it’s easy to overlook just how affected even demons can be by their trauma.

“LILTH!”

The scream is distant, and muffled. For a moment, Bean thinks it’s a part of her dream--her hazy mind gently floating back into the realm of reality. Then, the house shakes--a crash in the distance, and more muffled yelling--and Bean knows she’s not dreaming.

She sits up in bed, heart hammering. Her room is dark, and her eyes catch the dimly lit screen of her DDD. 

3:42AM.

Flinging her covers away, she hurries out of bed and stumbles across the room--blindly reaching for the door knob. She manages to find it after a few seconds, and when she steps out into the hall, more yelling reaches her ears.

“Belphie, calm down! It was just a dream!”

Beel, she realizes, scared at the desperate tone of his voice. Her brain recalls the faint scream, and she finally connects the dots--realizing that the familiar voice had been none other than Belphegor.

“No! Fuck off, Beel!”

She rounds the end of the hall, meeting Satan at the junction. They share a look, and hurry towards the twins room together. As they near, Bean can see Lucifer already standing just outside the bedroom--a distraught Beel taking up the doorframe beside him.

“Belphegor, you’re causing a scene. Calm down. You were having a nightmare,” the eldest brother speaks, arms crossed, and eyes narrowed. In front of him, Belphegor is hunched--horns sprouting from his head, and his tail whipping side to side agitatedly. 

“A nightmare?!” he speaks with a hiss--anger dripping from his every word. “More like a living hell! Our sister is dead because of you, bastard!”

“Belphie…,” Beel mumbles, frowning. The youngest brother’s eyes slide to his twin, his pupils no more than slits. 

“You know I’m right! Everything is Lucifer’s fault!”

“That’s not true,” Beel says, squaring his shoulders. He takes a breath, staring at Belphie. “You need to calm down. You’re not thinking rationally.”

“Oh, fuck off, all of you,” he laughs--dark, and far from amused. “Have you forgotten that our sister is fucking dead?! All of you sit around and act like she never existed! She was our sister! Why aren’t you fucking upset?!”

“Of course we’re upset about it,” Satan speaks up, catching the seventh brother’s attention. However, Belphie is clearly not interested in listening. Turning on his heel, he begins stalking up the hall.

Bean’s heart aches. She can feel the anger and sadness rolling off of him in waves, and it doesn’t feel right to let him leave like this. Not when she knows how much he’s likely hurting.

Even if it was just a nightmare--even if the events afflicting Belphie had happened hundreds of years ago--that doesn’t make them hurt any less. And she understands that.

“I’m going after him,” she says, hurrying forward. The Avatar of Sloth has already disappeared deeper into the house, but she has a feeling that she knows where he’s going.

Yet, when she brushes past Lucifer, he catches her wrist.

“You shouldn’t go near him right now.”

“He needs someone,” she argues, frowning.

“He might hurt you…,” Beel mumbles, hands held to his chest nervously. His gaze finds her, concern written all over him, and she musters the most reassuring smile she can manage.

“He won’t.”

With that, she tugs herself from Lucifer’s grasp and chases after Belphie. Even if they’re no longer in the same vicinity, she can feel how distraught he is through their pact mark. The sensation makes her feel sick to her stomach, and she rushes to find him.

After many twists and turns, she reaches the stairway to the attic.

Her throat knots, but she ignores it, and starts her way up.

With each step, her chest tightens. It gets harder to breathe--like she’s about to be crushed from the amount of sadness rolling through her.

She realizes the emotions aren’t her own, but Belphie’s. Yet, that doesn’t make them any more bearable.

By the time she reaches the door to the attic, tears have welled in her eyes. 

The floorboards creak as she steps inside, and Belphie--crumbled in front of the bed, with his hands tearing at his hair--jumps at the sound. His eyes find her, tear tracks on his cheeks, and a snarl on his face.

He looks ready to fight whoever has appeared until he realizes that it’s her.

“Go away,” he says instead.

Bean remains standing just inside the doorway. She smiles at him sorrowfully, hugging her arms in front of her.

“I don’t want to.”

“I’ll make you.”

“Can I come sit with you?”

“Did you not hear what I just said?” he hisses, glaring. Bean sighs.

“Please. I won’t make you talk. I just want to be here.”

Belphie clenches his jaw--debates using his magic to shove her out, and lock the door--but he doesn’t. Instead, he turns his gaze away, and stays silent.

Bean waits a few seconds, and then hesitantly walks forward. She seats herself on the floor beside him--not touching, but close enough that her presence is known. Belphie’s labored, angry breathing reaches her ears, and she leans back against the mattress, taking a deep breath.

She says nothing, and true to her word, doesn’t try to make him talk. She simply stays beside him--calm. Present.

After a few minutes of silence, when Belphie’s angry huffs have subsided, his purple gaze turns to look at her. He regards Bean silently, trying to be annoyed with her, but the emotion feels forced. 

No, he doesn’t hate her for being here. He can’t. Not when all he wants to do right now is lay in her lap and cry like a child.

He swallows down the urge.

“I don’t get it,” he says. Bean cracks open an eye, glancing over at him.

“Why aren’t they as affected as me? Why aren’t they upset?”

“Everyone processes their emotions differently,” she responds. Belphie frowns.

“Then why am I the one acting like a fucking kid about it? How come they treat me like I’m insane for acting like...like this?”

“You’re not acting like a kid,” she responds, turning herself to face him. “You’re acting like you’re a person who is experiencing grief. And your brothers aren’t trying to diminish your feelings, they just...they want to help.”

“Telling me to calm down hardly helps.”

“Well you and I both know that,” she responds with a bit of sarcasm, eyes creasing happily when she sees Belphie’s lips twitch into a ghost of a smile. 

“But their intention was good, I’m sure.”

The room falls into silence. Belphie leans over and rests his head on her shoulder--his horns fading from his head.

“Go away,” he says. Bean cocks an eyebrow.

“Says the boy leaning on my shoulder.”

“Well don’t point that out,” he responds in a grumble, sounding offended, and Bean can’t help but giggle. He smiles at the sound, but it fades after a few moments.

He sighs--heavy.

“I’m tired of missing her.”

“I know,” she says, leaning her head atop his. “Unfortunately, it’s hard to stop missing someone.”

“I know,” he mumbles. Bean sighs, stifling the memories of her own loss as they well up in her chest.

“You’re allowed to be sad, you know. You don’t have to keep it all in. You can talk about Lilith--to both me, and your brothers. I’m sure they’d love to reminisce about her with you”

“Yeah...”

Belphie slips his head off of her shoulder--sliding down onto her lap. Bean breathes a laugh, crossing her legs, and letting him get comfortable. Once he has repositioned himself to suit his needs, Bean lifts a hand and gently pets it through his hair.

“You okay?”

There’s a pause. Belphie’s voice comes out quiet. Broken sounding.

“Just...let me be like this.”

“Of course,” she says. 

The two fall into a comfortable silence--Bean continuing to card her fingers through his soft locks. As the minutes pass, sleep begins to overtake her once more. Her tired eyes fall to the demon in her lap, and without thinking, her lips part.

Her voice comes out as barely more than a whisper--the melody of her words carried by the silence of the night, and stretching beyond the room.

“Time falls away

But pain always finds a way to stay.”

Beyond the doorway, there’s the soft pitter-patter of feet on the staircase. Six demons appear on the step to the attic a moment later, their gazes finding Bean, and their brother--huddled in front of the bed.

Already half asleep, Bean doesn’t notice them.

“The tears that you’ve cried

Will find a tree to water

But only when you’re stronger

I promise, I’ll be here until the end.”

Atop her lap--falling back into a slumber--tears fall from Belphie’s closed eyes.

“I promise, I’ll be here until the end…”

Her voice fades off, head drooping as exhaustion takes over, but the brothers don’t miss the shiny droplets that fall from her lashes--landing atop Belphie’s hair, where her hand has gone still.

“Shit--,” Mammon bites out, turning his head away. The others can see his shoulder shake--hear the way his breath catches as he fights off tears--and, truly a family despite it all, the others follow in his lead.

Before long, none of them can stop the sadness that has risen in their chests--the memories that have surfaced in their heads. One by one, tears well in their eyes. Asmo buries his face into Satan’s shoulder, while Beel takes to hugging a sniffling Levi and a hiccuping Mammon.

Lucifer remains where he stands, his crimson gaze falling upon Bean, and Belphie. His eyes ache--mimicking the ache of his heart--but no tears fall.

Sighing--the sound thick with burden--he steps into the room. He makes his way over to the sleeping pair, kneeling down beside Bean. His lips press to her hair for a few long seconds.

The words he wants to say catch in his throat.

After a moment, he leans back and stands. Using his magic, he gently maneuvers the two onto the spacious bed, and drapes the covers over them once they’re settled.

His crimson gaze lingers on the peaceful scene--one littered with heartbreak.

“Let’s let them rest,” he says, turning on his heel and striding from the room. He pats his brothers on their shoulders on his way out--starting down the staircase without waiting for them to follow. 

For the rest of the night, Belphie sleeps peacefully in Beans arms.

[scammydoesstuff]

So about that 'Blue Bloods' episode…

I recently saw something come across my dash regarding Alex Brightman’s guest appearance on the season 11 episode of 'Blue Bloods' (The Common Good) and it reignited the vehement response I had to the episode as a whole. And, since I have this blog now, I figured…fuck it. I need to rant about it.

So that's what this is.

Take what I say with a grain of salt, of course. This show is so clearly not for me and I acknowledge that, but I went to school for and got my degree in creative writing and so much of this episode pissed me off from a narrative perspective and I just really need to talk about it. Putting it under a Read More, though, so you can ignore me if you’d like while I rage to no one in particular. Apologies in advance if you choose to read on. I'm super long-winded. Luckily I don't have pictures and this is more of just a lot of text, so…it could be longer?

So, to begin, I’ll freely admit that I’d never seen an episode of 'Blue Bloods' before this and I’ve not watched it since. I mean, if the rest of the episodes are as badly written as this one, I have no interest to either, but I digress.

Overall my main problem with the episode was how desperately it avoided ‘showing’ over ‘telling’ and, as a visual medium, that’s kind’ve a big deal. We were told pretty much every detail that was presented to us. These people love to hear themselves talk, but do little to actually show things as they happen and I believe a part of that has to do with the focus of the show itself, which is definitely unique to this brand of television. By that, I just mean that it’s not the format I might’ve expected from a show like this. Most cop shows give a lot of focus to the cases, and the intrigue you get with the characters is how they apply their own skills and knowledge to solve them, with the hi-jinks they get into along the way being more of a bonus.

This is not that kind of show.

No, 'Blue Bloods' as a show is way more interested in the cops and their familial ties than it is about the actual job that they’re doing, as shown prominently with the political plot of this episode which was also very focused on the relationship between Tom Selleck’s character and his daughter and the wholly unrelated dinner scene where they talk about lent for 2 and a half minutes and acknowledge nothing else that happened in the episode. This show doesn’t care about the job of being a cop so much as it cares about the cops themselves.

Which would be fine if I gave a shit about cops, but I don’t.

You could argue that the mentor plot is the exception to that, but that entire situation had no real consequences for the cop in question, Jamie, abusing his power. It was entirely focused on how the situation affected him and how it was fine that he’d nudged this kid to get information which ultimately led to the arrest of Dion's brother, and Dion quitting the program. Hell, if Jamie had, in his final scene with Dion, owned up to his abuse of power and left the program — to then urge Dion to rejoin so that he can have that positive outlet in his life without him there — I would’ve been way more okay with it, but Jamie faces no consequences past ‘I don’t wanna see you anymore’, which I was never convinced he actually cared about in the slightest. There's nothing cathartic about it, it's just shitty and left me feeling frustrated at the lack of consequences for the cop.

But hey, you prolly don’t wanna read me going on and on about those parts. You prolly wanna know why I hate it despite Alex’s plot — which I fully expected to love because he’s perfect and gorgeous even when he’s playing a bad guy and he was just so adorable in his lil suit and they let him keep the scruff this time, and he was all handsome an— I need to stop. That could go on forever.

Anyway, to put it simply; it was bad, but I'll definitely explain why.

Now, I don’t think any of the guests in this episode necessarily did a bad job. They still acted well enough for what they were given. I just think they had a shit script that wasn’t interested in that story line. I mentioned at the top of this that this show cared more about telling than showing and that’s a huge problem when you want me to buy a character being the culprit in your murder plot. I need evidence, not anecdotes. Cuz, yeah, by the end of the episode, I didn’t buy for even a second that Ralph did it. And it’s not because he was played by Alex who is just charisma incarnate. I can believe him playing a bad guy. I also watched his 'Law & Order SVU' episode where he scared the shit outta me. He can play a creepy and violent character very well, he just wasn’t convincing to me as a bad guy in this show.

And here’s why!

First of all, he confessed at knife point. That confession would be thrown away IRL. It’s the same problem with using torture to get information. If a person’s life is threatened or they're being harmed in some way, they’ll usually say whatever it takes to get you to stop threatening them/causing them pain. Same deal here. You can’t convince me with a confession like that.

But they didn't seem to be interested in convincing anyone as far as I could tell. They just expected you to believe it because, ‘no, didn’t you hear? He said he did it, so he did it.’ They had so many opportunities to portray this character as the shitbag that we’re told he is. Hell, great way to really implicate him? Give him a female assistant that Donnie Wahlberg and his partner overhear / walk in on him berating for something small like getting him the wrong coffee or something. Then have them talk to that assistant later on and her mention some weird behavior from him on the night of Andrea’s death. It's cliché, but it's more than what we got.

Or you could have him talk to Meghan in a super condescending voice when he approaches her after her interview later on. Or, hell, have him refer to the murder victim in a condescending way even as he talks about her death. But no. The most we get out of him is that he's maybe a little snarky and smug when talking to the cops, but that’s not enough to convince me he’s a bad dude. Frankly, his producer buddy came off as more of an asshole, if I'm being honest. Just cuz (we’re told) his character did shitty things to her in the past doesn’t mean he’s still shitty. Show me he’s still shitty. I wanna see it and I know Alex is capable of a performance like that.

Second, it’s also just…obvious to make him the culprit if we're to believe everything we're told about him. He and Andrea are described as having had beef a little while before the murder with him being abusive mentally and physically. He’s known in the community to be a misogynist and an abusive person overall. He’s the obvious suspect, but if there’s anything that Scooby-Doo taught me, it’s that it’s never the most obvious person. Like, once in a blue moon, sure — but it’s rare.

So yeah, I don’t believe that Ralph did it. You wanna know who I do think did it?

Meghan.

Alright, so bear with me. This'll prolly sound a little conspiratorial, but hear me out:

She had the motive. She confirms in the beginning of the episode that she’s also a female gamer like the victim, but that she was ‘no Andrea’. Andrea was her competition. They were (supposedly) friends and stuck together as female gamers, but Andrea was still competition. With her out of the way, Meghan’s able to rise in the ranks, if even a little bit.

She had a scapegoat in Ralph — again, the obvious suspect given his tumultuous relationship with Andrea sometime prior — and an obvious grudge against men in their community in general. And, don’t get me wrong, men in gaming can and often are hella toxic — I’m not, in any way, denying that — but she got way more emotional when talking about the men in their community than when she was talking about her supposed friend lying dead in the adjoining room.

Speaking of the adjoining room, how did she not hear the murder happening? It couldn’t have been when she was down in the bar, cuz we see Ralph there too in the crappy CCTV footage that was supposed to show him being an asshole, I think (hard to really see). Was she just fucking around somewhere else when it happened? She doesn’t mention as much that I recall (correct me if I'm wrong on that, of course). And Andrea was strangled to death. I would assume that there would’ve been a struggle with that. Are you seriously telling me she wouldn’t hear that in her adjoining hotel room? Those walls aren’t that thick. I find that kinda hard to believe. And that she wouldn’t have found her till the next morning after that, also strikes me as a little odd.

Going off on some previous points, she shows very little grief over her friend’s death. Not just in the intro scene, either, but later on as well. (Side bar: that intro scene itself was very misleading. Don’t lead with a murder plot if it only takes up less than 10 minutes of the overall runtime, kay?) The show did a pretty bad job at indicating the passage of time, but it’s implied that the convention is still happening when Meghan gets the confession out of Ralph, so it would’ve had to have been the same weekend, or possibly the same week (though most conventions I’m aware of don’t last that long — it’s usually a weekend thing, at most Thursday-Sunday — but it could be similar to AGDQ, which seems to last about a week). So, if this is only a day or so later, why would someone who is supposedly grieving over their dead friend do interviews like nothing is wrong? Wouldn't you, like, reschedule or just politely decline and say you need time to process the shock? Like, when we cut to ol’ Donnie Wahlberg calling her after her interview, she doesn’t look upset — as I imagine she might if they’d likely asked her questions about Andrea / her feelings about the murder — and she seems cool as a cucumber when she asks Ralph to go somewhere private. In fact, the look on her face indicates pretty clearly that she’s planning to do something. Specifically, not that she's scared, that she's angry.

Finally, she’s the one who’s attacking Ralph when Donnie Wahlberg and company arrive on the scene. She doesn’t seem to have any marks on her indicating that he made any move to harm her (again, correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember seeing her with any marks / cuts), but he’s got a clear, bleeding cut on his face. She attacked him first and was going in for the kill.

Or…was she? Cuz right before Donnie Wahlberg pulls her into that bear hug to stop her from the attack, she doesn’t do a great job of actually trying to kill Ralph. She was close enough that a quick dart at him would’ve probably been enough to at least injure him pretty significantly — maybe even fatally — and would’ve surely led the cops to pull them apart to secure him, but she kinda just hops around a bit and screams before lunging for him. That’s a really weird way to attack when you actually want to kill someone.

But, then again, I don’t necessarily think she did want to kill him. I’m convinced she wanted that confession, but that she also wanted him in jail and was playing the part of the super sad and hysterical victim who was just so overcome with her grief that she wasn’t in her right mind. I think that’s what they were going for in regards to her character in general, but it came across as less sincere in the performance and more like the character was putting on an act. They then cart Ralph off while comforting her — despite the fact that she disobeyed a direct order from police, which should lead to her being detained as well! — and that plot ends.

So, she gets what she wants in the end. A person she despises is now in police custody, her competition is out of the way, and the publicity she might get for bringing that ‘murderer’ to justice might eventually lead to her own career getting a nice boost. I dunno, it just strikes me as her having a great reason to have initiated this over Ralph just being a misogynist who 'was really trying to kill Meghan and just got the wrong girl'.

So yeah, with what the show presented to us, I believe Meghan’s the real killer. Again, if they’d done more to show me that Ralph was a bad dude or that she was more affected by her supposed friend’s death, or if they'd just given that plot more room to breathe to show those things, I might’ve been more inclined to buy the narrative they were pushing but…as is, I don’t believe it.

That’s pretty much all I wanted to say on the matter. I had a lot of issues with the domestic abuse plot line too, but they barely gave that 5 minutes of the overall runtime, so does it really matter in the long run? This is just…my thought process of the only part of the episode I watched for and how disappointing it was for me. And yes, I timed each section of the episode to figure out how much time was given to each of the 4 plots, plus the dinner scene at the end, but not counting the intro theme, and the murder plot got just over 8 minutes, of which Alex was on screen for half of that time. He got less than 5 minutes of screen time. It was definitely worth it just because he’s wonderful and I just like seeing him on these shows, but from a narrative standpoint, it felt pointless.

Okay, I’m done. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Unless y’all wanna talk about this some more, cuz I’m so down for that.

[haunted-by-catholic-guilt]

Christmas Is A Drag Sometimes

“For the last time, I am not ill, I simply stood up to fast.”

Tim hummed, standing up next to Jon, and handing him his cane.

“Alright, then stand up and walk more than ten steps.”

Martin started to say something but was cut off by Jon standing up, and promptly passing out into Tim’s waiting arms.

“Jon!”

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Secret Santa for the lovely Jasper @captaincravatthecapricious

only thing i can think of for TW is Martin thinking about how his childhood christmas' weren't good and his exes possibly being dicks

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It was cold in London.

Jon shivered and pulled his coat tighter, not that it would do much if it wasn’t already.

It was dark and dreary, but it normally was, and the last day of work before the holidays.

Sasha had already left to go and stay with her family for Christmas, being the only person in the archives who celebrate, it was easier to take time off.

Chanukah started the next day, but Tim didn’t typically travel home for it, having taken his holiday time off for Rosh Hashana in October, and Jon didn’t celebrate any winter holidays.

Martin seemed to avoid talking about the holidays.

He pushed open the door to the archives, careful not to slip on the floor, and stepped into his office, ignoring how the squeaking of his shoes made pain stab behind his eyes.

He sat at his desk, setting down his cane and slipping off his coat, before setting to work.

“Statement of Tatsuki Murray, regarding the disappearance of their partner. Original statement given February 5th, 1956. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of The Magnus Institute, London.”

The statement was horrifying, it always was, he didn’t believe them… not really but it was still eerie how some will only record on the tape recorders.

He always ended these statements with a racing heart and a metallic taste on his tongue.

A knock on his door broke him out of his all to common trance and sparing a glance at the clock, it was already noon.

He came in at seven.

“Jon? I know you are in there.”

He sighed, it was Martin, probably concerned about his well-being.

“Come on in.”

God, his throat hurt, had he been coughing?

The door opened slowly, Martin had a cup of steaming tea, and the light of the archives made his hair almost look like a halo on his head.

Not the time for thinking that.

“Jon? Are you alright? I heard you coughing.”

He didn’t remember coughing.

“Uh, yes, Martin I am perfectly fine. Just… tired is all.”

Martin smiled softly, and he probably would’ve set the tea down and left, if Jon’s lungs didn’t decide that would’ve been a good time to revolt.

“Jon that… that doesn’t sound good.”

Jon sighed and took a sip of the tea Martin had sat on his desk, the tall man now wringing his hands together worriedly.

“I’ll be fine, Martin, please finish the follow up on Statement 0121904, as soon as possible.”

Martin frowned and looked at him.

“Alright, Jon, let us know if you need anything, yeah?”

Jon nodded, careful not to move too fast to not activate vertigo he normally got with fevers.

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“Have you seen the boss today, Marto?”

Martin looked up from his work to Tim standing next to his desk and signing at him, they had both been busy that day, not having time for talking.

“I went into his office, didn’t look well.”

Tim hummed, and sat on Martin’s desk, causing the other man to move his tea.

“Hm, he does always get sick around this time of year. What kinda sick?”

Martin thought Jon had looked pale and had a nasty cough.

“Probably just a bad cold or flu, he just needs to rest so he doesn’t make it worse.”

Tim smiled lightly, the kind that made his normally panicking heart calm down for just a moment.

“You worry too much, he’ll be alright…”

He hesitated, looking awkwardly across the room for a moment.

“What are your holiday plans, Martin? You haven’t really mentioned anything and I know you’re not on the best terms with your mum…”

He dragged off, Martin felt his cheeks burn slightly, but he quickly flashed a smile.

“I don't really celebrate Christmas, no need to worry! It’s alright, really.”

Tim smiled back, some more comfortable energy returning to him.

“Alright, if you get lonely at all, you’re welcome to join me for Chanukah one night if you want!”

Martin smiled brightly, it meant a lot that Tim would invite him, he grew up celebrating Christmas, but it had been a while since he had celebrated.

“Thank you, I may just take you up on that one day.”

Just then Jon walked in, leaning heavily on his cane, wearing a loose maxi skirt and a thick woolen sweater with a scarf around his neck.

“Afternoon.”

Tim slid off of Martin’s desk and grabbed a rolling chair, in a no suspecting way, but Martin knew it was for Jon.

“Woah, bossman you look like shit, here, sit.”

He pushed the chair towards Jon, who even more worryingly accepted it.

“I’m fine, you have more important things to worry about than me, like work.”

Tim scoffed and crouched next to Jon, taking the shorter man‘s cane and lightly setting it against a desk so it wouldn’t fall.

Jon looked dizzy, leaning forward and resting his head in his hand, and there was a thin sheen of sweat along his forehead.

“Jon, we’ve talked about this, if you’re sick you need to stay home.”

Jon scoffed and moved back, clearly being hit by vertigo but pretending he didn’t.

“For the last time, I am not ill, I simply stood up to fast.”

Tim hummed, standing up next to Jon, and handing him his cane.

“Alright, then stand up and walk more than ten steps.”

Martin started to say something but was cut off by Jon standing up, and promptly passing out into Tim’s waiting arms.

“Jon!”

Tim lowered them both to the ground, so Jon’s head was cradled in his lap, stroking his hair and wincing at the heat.

“He’s burning up…”

Tim looked at Martin, who had crouched on the ground next to them, and grabbed Jons wrist.

“Boss, you gotta wake up.”

Tim lightly poked the side of Jon’s face, who was beginning to stir.

“T’m? What hap’nd?”

Jon attempted to sit up but Tim held him down, careful not to be too harsh.

“You’re sick boss, passed out in my arms like a damsel in distress.”

Jon made an offending noise, but curled deeper into himself, adjusting slightly and digging his face into the other man's thigh.

“‘m tired”

Jon suddenly was so docile it scared Martin just a little but Tim didn’t seem too surprised by it.

“Alright, let’s get you out of here, hm?”

Jon nodded into his leg, all while Martin looked on confused and astonished.

Tim picked up Jon, setting him back onto the chair, and leaving his cane next to him, before turning to Martin and signing at him.

“Get your stuff, let’s go back to mine.”

Martin was still confused, but nodded, the sudden shift in Jon’s behavior was concerning but Tim didn’t seem too disturbed by it, so he just went with it.

After gathering up his and Tim’s items, the latter man collecting Jon’s outerwear, he quietly stood next to Jon’s sleeping form, studying him in what he hoped was a non-creepy way.

“He looks older than he is.”

Tim was walking in with Jon’s coat, scarf, and hat, as he knelt by the sleeping man to somehow get him into his coat.

“He’s like this when he’s not feeling good after he surpasses the stubborn point, he reached a very clingy and childish point before he shuts down again and is delirious, not fun to deal with, I’m just gonna assume he’s extra tired.”

Martin nodded, and Tim hoisted Jon up into his arms, before motioning for Martin to grab the cane and follow, which he did.

Tim put Jon in the back seat of his car and Jon whined at the loss of contact, leading Tim to look at Martin.

“Why don’t you sit in the back with him? Make sure he doesn’t fall off the seat?”

Martin flushed but fumbled out an affirmative answer and crawling into the back, where Jon immediately curled up into his side, content with some warmth to stop the shivering.

Martin pushed down the feeling in his fluttering heart, but shot Tim a glare at the other man’s own in the rearview mirror.

After the drive, which Martin spent with a burning Jon pressed to his side, they arrived at Tim’s flat and Tim settled Jon onto the couch.

“I’ll be right back, gonna for grab him a change of clothes.”

Martin nodded, and busied himself getting a glass of water for the ill man, and taking off his shoes, feeling somewhat like he was invading.

Tim’s flat was large, but not busily decorated, on a window ledge there was a beautiful menorah, made of what Martin suspected was bronze with candles in it, next to it was a dreidel sitting on top of a stack of cards.

Martin thought about his own home growing up, always bare during the holidays, maybe a small fake Christmas tree, but his mum stopped celebrating after his dad left, leaving him with nothing, but he’d always try and get something nice for her.

He smiled bitterly at the thought of it, and a little brighter at the thought of what was his best experience with Christmas, when the English teacher who he had confided in gave him a small bracelet with the trans flag colors, and a small bag of candy.

He had gotten things from ex-lovers and friends, of course, usually small things and often backhanded things, the most he got from his family ever was a few pounds.

He felt a tear threaten to escape his eye, quickly wiping it away, just as Tim walked in.

“Alright, boss, got you some pajamas you left here, come on, let’s get you changed.”

Jon nodded and Tim wrangled him into the oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, Jon acting as a piece of jello the whole time, hardly helping, but it clearly wasn’t the first time Tim had done this with Jon.

Martin definitely felt like he was intruding at this point, but decided to ignore that sinking feeling.

“Make yourself at home, I’ll get him in bed, and then we can watch some shitty hallmark movies?”

Martin nodded, settling down on the couch.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim and Martin got through one and a half of shitty hallmark movies before they heard something fall in the other room, and saw a tired looking Jon emerge, leaning heavily on the wall.

“What’re you doing up, Jon?”

Tim looked ready to stand up and grab the other man. but hadn’t yet, and the other man shuffled over to the couch, looking exhausted and dizzy.

“Lonely.”

He sat on the couch and curled into a ball on the cushion between Tim and Martin, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“How’re you feeling, Jon?”

Martin kept his voice soft and reached over gently to check Jon’s temperature with his hand.

“Cold ‘n tired, dizzy.”

He was slumped over into a tight ball, and he was shivering fairly violently, so, Martin made an impulse decision he just hoped he wouldn’t regret.

He pulled the pale man closer to him, letting him rest his head on his lap, and running his hand down his shaking arm.

Jon made a content noise and Tim looked on in awe, stifling a laugh at Martin’s very embarrassed and focused face.

“I think he’s due for another round of medicine, and it’s getting close to dinner, I’ll order in something, do you like Thai?”

Martin nodded, smiling gently and keeping quiet, as he was pretty sure Jon had already fallen asleep.

A few minutes later, Tim returned with the medicine and a thermometer for Jon, carefully shaking him awake.

“Hey, boss, you gotta wake up and take this, gotta check your temperature too.”

Jon groaned and pushed himself into Martin’s thigh more, very much not enjoying the idea of being awake.

“I know, come on, get it over with and then you can go back to cuddling Martin.”

Martin blushed, but helped Jon sit up, keeping him propped up while Tim set the thermometer in his mouth.

“Not good, alright, medicine time.”

Jon scrunched his face, but did what Tim asked, and immediately flopped back down onto Martin, who stiffened at the shock, but Jon still seemed content.

Tim laughed and settled back onto the couch, careful not to disturb Jon, and quietly reading the menu to Martin for the restaurant.

After the food arrived, they went back to watching shitty holiday movies, and it was quiet for some time before Jon started to stir again.

He was mumbling something, in Arabic, Martin was fairly sure, but it sounded fairly panicked.

“Jon, you’re okay, wake up you’re okay”

He didn’t wake up, he was sweating and shaking, beginning to thrash violently, in Martin’s arms.

“We gotta get his temperature down.”

Tim stood up, careful not to hit Jon at all, and disappeared down the hall, leaving Martin with the shaking man until he got back, and Martin could hear the bath running from the bathroom.

“Alright, come on boss.”

Tim tried to grab him, but he clung to Martin, gripping his jumper.

“I got you, Jon.”

Martin stood up, still holding Jon, and carefully made his way to the bathroom, gently setting him down on the closed toilet lid.

Tim stepped forward to help Jon out of his clothing, having done this before, and helping Jon into the lukewarm bath, which he did not like, thrashing around more.

“Jon, you gotta stay calm, I know you don’t like it and it’s uncomfortable but we gotta get your temperature down.”

Tim ran his fingers through the sick man’s hair, slick with sweat, and they waited.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jon pried open his eyes, he felt sticky and something was on his forehead.

He looked around, realizing this was not his room, it was Tim’s, he was still safe, then.

He was also laying to someone.

He turned his head, his neck cracking loudly, only to realize he was laying on Martin, who was awkwardly positioned, asleep.

Shit.

“Hey, feeling better?”

He looked back at the doorway to see Tim, holding a small tray with some toast, a glass of water, and a blister-pack of pills.

“Wh- what happened?”

His throat was dry, and even just trying to talk triggered a coughing fit, which woke Martin up, and Jon tried to ignore the guilt he felt at that.

Once the coughing fit subsided he felt Martin rubbing his back gently, while Tim sat on the bed next to them.

“You’re sick, brought you back here, me and Martin are wonderful nursemaids, just so you’re aware.”

Jon blushed, accepting the water and pills Tim was handing him.

“You gotta try eating some toast, I know you don’t like eating when you’re sick but you’ve taken too much medication on an empty stomach. Think you’re up for a sports drink?”

Jon nodded, and Tim left to grab one from the fridge.

He really was too good.

He then realized he was still sitting on Martin’s lap.

Fuck.

Martin somehow knew what he was thinking, and shifted slightly, setting Jon on the bed.

“It’s alright, Jon! I don’t mind heh.”

Jon felt his face flush a deep red, before quietly thanking him, just then Tim walked back into the room.

“Alright, alright! Let’s get this party started!!!”

He flopped on the bed next to them, and turned on the TV.

“Really Tim? Polar Express?”

Tim smiled, and Jon let himself relax between his friends

[iwriteforthetincanman]

Mandoctober Day 11: Sorgan

A/N: I went off the deep end with this one folks! This also acts as I part two to day 4: Nevarro. Thank you for reading! Also I may have drawn inspiration from one of @dindjarindiaries​ writings at the beginning of this with Ad’ika’s eating habits. :3

Warnings: angst, self deprecation, sadness (lil anxiety) hurt and comfort, fluff and a hint of spice at the end

This is for @leo-moon​ ‘s Mandoctober!!

Another place Din didn’t think they’d ever return to was Sorgan. It had been a while since they had last visited, before Din had met you at least. After what took place on Nevarro there had been a little distance between the both of you, but not enough to cause concern. 

Din had admitted to himself and to you (whilst you were asleep) that he was deeply and utterly in love with you, forevermore. What the both of you didn’t know was that whatever was about to take place next was going to change both of your lives...forever. 

As cliche as that sounded, you had a job to do. 

Feeding the child was as mundane as things could get around the Razor Crest, but he sometimes made it interesting. Whilst you weren’t looking he managed to sneak three extra berries by floating them into his mouth with his special powers. The only way you knew this had happened were the purple stains on his face, the one that you had just wiped clean. 

“Ad’ika, you know you’re not supposed to eat more than I give, you might get a tummy ache.” Chastising the kid gently, you plucked him out of his high chair, making your way to the cockpit. 

---

Din had been as strict as usual, Mandalorian style. Don’t communicate with anyone suspicious or unnecessary, Don’t contact me unless absolutely necessary and last of all, don’t do anything stupid. These were all the rules you had to abide by just to go unnoticed on each and every planet your feet touched. He reminded you so often it was like it had become your version of the creed. 

What Din didn’t tell you was that there was a village on this planet where everyone knew him. Apparently the last time he visited he had helped save the village from being practically destroyed by thugs. So when they saw him again, they weren’t only surprised (which is what you were expecting) but they also celebrated. Alot.

There was dancing, music, drinks and lots of food. You could stay here for a couple of weeks, Din had told you. It was safe enough for now. This whole experience had been a clear juxtaposition of what the Mandalorian told you. It broke the rules, you didn’t know why he did this. 

That is...until you met her.

Omera.

When you first met her, you should have sensed something between them just by the way she practically ran over at the sight of him. Over time, you realised that Din knew her better than the other villagers of Sorgan. Then it started to scare you how close they were. She gave him food, cared for the child and kept him company. 

It was like you weren’t even there. Either he didn’t care as much as you thought he did or...you really weren’t needed.

Not right now at least.

That night you watched as the villagers danced around the campfire, so happy and content with their lives. A new song started to play, this time husbands started to bring their wives into the circle, bringing them close as they swayed slowly. You would’ve smiled at the heart warming sight if it weren’t for one thing…

Omera holding her hand out to Din.

It felt like someone was ripping your heart from out of your chest and crushing it into dust right in front of you. If he chose to dance with her you knew you never had a chance with him...probably from the beginning. 

Were all these emotions you felt over the past couple of years a figment of your imagination? It was insane how stupid you felt in that moment. Feeling tears pricking at your eyes just went and proved that thought...all you could do was get up and walk as quick as you could, away from the gut wrenching scene. 

You didn’t want to cause a fuss, despite all these conflicting thoughts and feelings.

---

Crying your eyes out didn’t seem like the best solution at first. 

Hidden amongst the boxes in the hold, you tried to will yourself to stop. It felt like your heart wouldn’t cooperate with your brain. Din hadn’t even done anything to you specifically and he had managed to tear your heart in two. It could’ve been worse…

Who are you kidding? All of today had been a perfect recipe for disaster. 

Omera had known Din longer than you had...did you even have a chance against her? She was beautiful, capable and she was already a mother. To you, she was everything you weren’t. 

And Din Djarin...you could never say a bad word about him. You had recklessly fallen for him, not even thinking twice about the consequences. If another person hadn’t gotten between you two it would’ve been something else, with him being a Mandalorian, he could’ve gone on a hunt, leaving you and the child only to never return. 

Yeah...that could be the ‘worse’ option. 

Seeing him die in front of you? That was a close second.

Dying in his place? ...you would do it in a heartbeat.

Even now, thinking your heart had died in that one evening, you knew you would still do that.

“What are you doing down there?” 

In the midst of your self deprecation you hadn’t even noticed Din standing in the middle of the Crest. Startling out of your stupor, you got to your feet, wiping your tears away rapidly. 

“W-Where’s the kid?” You sniffled. No matter how much wiping away you did, you knew Din had spotted the tear tracks.

“He’s fine...he’s with Omera.” Just the very sound of her name on his lips almost caused you to cry out in pain. It was like he had directed a knife right at your heart. 

Seeing your face crumple like that, Din had no clue what was going on. After he had refused Omera’s offer to dance, he turned to you only to see you practically running into the woods. Wondering what on Sorgan you were doing, he followed. He would follow you anywhere, really. 

“She’s...she’s an amazing mother.” In an attempt to compliment her, you tried to keep yourself together. Of all things to happen, you didn’t want to lose your composure in front of Din over something so...foolish.  

“Why were you crying?”

It wasn’t a question of if you had been crying, he already knew that, he just wanted to know why. Of course...you couldn’t tell him the truth! Not without admitting the intense series of feelings you had for him! 

“I-I was upset...about the dancing.” What. The. Kriff. Was. That? Of all the excuses you could’ve come up with? You went with the dancing? Well, it was partly true in a sense. 

“The dancing? What was wrong with the dancing?” Upon asking this question, you really looked at him. Even in all his beskar clad glory, you couldn’t help hearing how quiet his tone was. Did he always talk like that or was it just with you? Taking a breath, you answered.

“I...don’t know how.” Now that...that was a whole truth. 

Even if you had been upset over Din’s choice in dancing partner, you had no clue how to even approach the subject of dancing, let alone with another person. 

“...I could teach you, if you like?”

...You weren’t expecting that. But how could you refuse?

Stepping closer towards the bounty hunter, you gave him a small smile.

“I’d like that very much Djarin.” Hearing a chuckle at the use of his last name, you grinned. Hearing him laugh was always a rare experience, knowing you caused that kind of joy? Sent you over the moon. 

Just the touch of his gloves brushing against your spine as he pulled you closer was the cause of many impure thoughts racing through your head. Scolding yourself internally, you let out a shaky sigh, awaiting his next move. 

“Usually the guy leads and since I know how to dance and you don’t...seems like a good idea.” A laugh peppered his words as he placed one of your hands in his, leaving the other around your waist. Thinking back to the villagers, you remembered how the women placed their other hand on their partner’s shoulder. 

Mimicking the action, you felt like you had drifted somewhat closer to one another, if that were even possible. 

“If you listen hard enough you can hear the music coming from the village...it kinda echoes off the trees.” Doing as he said, you closed your eyes, intently listening out for the soft hum of dainty instruments as the notes thrummed through the forest. 

“...it does.” You giggled lightly at the observation. Wondering how, even with the helmet on, he caught on to all these little details regarding the common senses. Sight, sound, smell, taste and...touch.

It felt like his hand prints were burning through your skin, despite the extra layers. This was the closest you had ever been to the Mandalorian, armor or not. Wounds or not. This felt so...so intimate. 

“Now, it’s okay if you step on my feet the first couple of times, but it's a simple pattern so you’ll get used to it after a couple of minutes.” Minutes? He was going to dance with you for longer than a single song? 

“S-Sure thing.” Stumbling over your words, you tried to gain a grip on yourself. The need for coherent thought struck you as he began to sway. Tripping over your own feet, you realised how difficult it was to do this whilst keeping your eyes on Mando. All the couples made it look so easy. That was when something Mando had said came crashing back to you.

“Wait...you said you already knew how to dance? Who taught you?” You didn’t know what you were expecting him to say as he took a moment to collect his words but you guessed that someone in the covert had taught him for fun. Instead...he opened up to you.

“My mother taught me.” Those words were spoken so quietly yet it was almost as if he had yelled them into your mind. Just the image of a little Din standing on top of his mother’s feet as 

they swayed around their home brought a fresh batch of tears to your eyes. 

“You’ve...You’ve never talked about her before…” Trailing off, you didn’t expect him to tell you more. You didn’t need him to, you knew how sensitive the subject of his parents was. You would never make him feel uncomfortable for your own personal gain. 

“You remind me of her...sometimes.” This sentence was an attempt to knock you off of your feet altogether as you glanced down, a furious blush kidnapping your features as you faked a hurried look at your feet. 

“...how so? If you don’t mind me asking that is.” You would ask, but if he didn’t want to go further. Further than this...a simple dance lesson yet it was so much more. If he didn’t want to tell you about his mother, one of the people who meant the most in the galaxy to him besides the child...perhaps besides you. You were completely fine with that.

“I don’t mind you asking questions Y/N...it’s one of the many qualities I like about you.” The combination of the words ‘I’, ‘like’ and ‘you’ filled you with an overwhelming urge to hug him. Restraining yourself, you chose to grin at him, shyly albeit. 

“My mother was curious, kind, forgiving yet fierce in the way she loved those around her. It showed through in the many ways she cared for me and my father. I remember asking her one night how they met, she told me that the scenario of that night was predictable up until the point where she saw him through the crowd. I remember the look in her eyes when she recalled ‘It was like the galaxy was pushing us towards one another’ she said. I remember...at the time, I yearned for something like that to happen to me one day...although it was a childish dream I know now.” 

“It’s not childish to yearn for love Din.” You couldn’t help your outburst, biting your lip, you refused to meet his gaze. That helmet may have deemed an unforgiving message to others but to you, it was him. You had refused to face the facts for so long now...no matter how true they were, but you were...you are so utterly in love with him. The Mandalorian. 

“You sound like you’re talking from experience.” He hummed, letting out a bitter chuckle you faced him with a forced smile. 

“I always seem to fall for those who have already fallen...for someone else it seems.” The overwhelming sadness was threatening to overtake you once more. You didn’t want to cry...not in front of him. Not after this wonderful pick me up, the feel of the beskar against you, all you wanted to do was rest your head on his shoulder and dance the rest of the night away. 

“-Are you...are you in love with somebody right now?” The daring request shocked you. Sure, you had learnt a lot about Din tonight, you knew you refused to tell him your true feelings in the past but...you couldn’t seem to lie to him in this moment. This bittersweet yet perfect moment. 

“...Yes.” The force of air that left your lips was inhuman in a way...like you had stopped breathing. At this point you hadn’t even realised how effortlessly you had been dancing with the Mandalorian. Not until he brought you to a complete stop, the music carrying on through the wind.

“I...I think that despite how often I tried to remind myself that love wasn’t in the cards for me...that I wasn’t worth that kind of sacrifice...I fell in love. What I didn’t expect was for it to hurt...Din, it hurts so kriffing much and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to leave you and the kid so I can run away from the pain.” You were crying now...brilliant. 

“Why? Why would you talk about leaving? Ever?” You could hear his breathing now, it was heavy and gasping, like he had been dunked in ice cold water. You hated to imagine the look on his face that went with the sound of his voice. It broke your heart all over again. 

“Because Din...I fell in love with you and I didn’t even think twice about it. About how you could go on a job and not come back, you could get killed right in front of me, leaving me to care for the kid alone or...or you could already be in love with someone else.” A sob bubbled up into your chest and it pained you to keep it there...not as much as this though.

“What are you talking about?”

“You and Omera!” 

The scream of this dragged itself around the edges of the Razor Crest, leaving you a heaving mess due to the effort. Through the tears you realised you had ripped yourself away from him, his hands were held in mid air...he was reaching out for you.

“I’m...I’m not in love with Omera.”

His voice pierced your heart in the complete opposite result of tonight’s events. 

“What?” This time you were completely and utterly confused, tears beginning to dry. Slowly, the Mandalorian approached you, noticing the way he wrung his hands it was obvious...he was nervous. 

“Do you know what ‘Ni kar’tayli gar darasuum’ means cyar’ika?” At the nickname he frequently called you, your heart warmed despite your lack of knowledge towards Mando’a. 

“No? ...But why do I feel like I’ve heard those words before.” Crinkling your forehead in confusion, you wracked your brain for where you had heard those words before. You may not know what they mean but you knew they were important. Infinitely important. 

“...Probably because I’ve said them before.” His helmet was hanging now, the lip of it pressed against his chest as he stared at his own feet. 

“...Din, please tell me what they mean.” Stepping closer to him this time, you pressed your hands to his chest. Refusing to meet your gaze, the quiet intensified by tenfold, loaded with tension. 

“Din Djarin...please.” Resting a hand on the cheek of his helm, you raised his head so he knew how serious you were.

“They mean…’I hold you in my heart forever’...it’s the Mandalorian way of saying I love you.” He may have whispered these powerful words but it felt like he had stolen your breath. You wanted to kiss him, gods above you did. Instead, his arms wrapped around you once more and he pressed the forehead of his helm to yours. 

“How could you ever think I was in love with something else when I’ve only ever had eyes for you? I’ve been pining after you for months on end, wondering if there was even a possibility that you could love someone like me in return.” These words may have been softly spoken but they scorched a way into your heart as you pressed against him in return.

“Din Djarin, a fearless bounty hunter and Mandalorian...do I make you nervous?” You joked a blush still fresh on your features. 

“...Extremely cyar’ika.” Biting your lip once more, a pleasant sensation rang through your body at the sound of his voice lowering.

“Are you ever going to tell me what that one means?” Fluttering your eyelashes up at him, you attempted to flirt.

“Darling, sweetheart.”

“That was two different words?” 

“It means either and both at the same time. Mando’a is complicated.” He shrugged under your palms. 

“What about...cyare?” You tested the word on your tongue only to gain a shiver under your fingertips. Knowing that Din felt the same way made you the happiest person on Sorgan. But learning that your words affected him just as much as his bewitched you? It sent stars into your brain. 

“Beloved.” 

At the dangerously low pitch he emitted, you knew you were in for a long night.

[plus-size-reader]

Her

Beverly Marsh x Plus size!reader

Word Count:1745  words

Warnings: confession 

Summary: Reader is Henry Bowers sister and he finds out she has a crush on Beverly

——————————————————————————————————

Henry made it his personal business to make sure that you were completely and totally taken care of at any given time. However, there were just some things that he had never prepared for. 

Your first real crush was at the top of that list. 

Never in a million years had you two had the conversation about boys, or in your case, girls.

...And you weren’t really itching to, if you were being honest. 

There worst thing in the world, as far as you were concerned, would be if Butch and Henry found out the truth about her. Though, it was really only a matter of time before it came out. 

After all, you could hardly function right around her, and it was sort of shocking that no one had put the pieces together up until this point. 

It wasn’t exactly something you were good at hiding. 

However, there was one day in particular that brought the whole thing into the light, and there was no going back after that. 

Belch and the guys were taking you home from school when they decided to pull over at the kissing bridge, on a hunch that their favorite gang of misfits was somewhere in the brush. 

And, as always, they were right. 

That only meant that when you chose to tag along, you found yourself face-to-face with her, and the rest of the Losers club. Great. 

This wasn’t going to end well. 

You kept to yourself most of the time, keeping your eyes locked on the dirt beneath your shoes with your hands behind your back. You knew better than to let your eyes wander up to her face. 

It would only make it worse. 

Instead, you chose to ignore the insults Henry and the others spewed in their direction and stayed quiet. It was the only way you could get through this without slipping up. 

If Patrick or someone else saw you ogling her in front of everyone, that would be game over. Though, perhaps you didn’t give yourself enough credit for how much you didn't care. 

After all, when Henry turned his attention to the redhead in question, you found yourself speaking up on her behalf without even meaning to.

“Shut up!” 

It was rather innocent, all things considered, but in the context, you were going to die. The implication that Henry had just made, about her being the easiest girl to get with in Derry, just didn’t sit well with you. 

 However, as soon as it happened, you wanted to die. 

...Like, literally. 

In an instant, all eyes were on you and you couldn’t breathe. 

“Everything okay?” Henry asked, his voice softened slightly when he addressed you, but not by enough to actually make you feel better. You couldn’t make him look like a pussy in front of the gang, so you nodded. 

“I just want to go home, I have homework to get done” you lied, shrugging as if that was enough to warrant the sort of reaction you had just had to their little exchange. 

Now, Henry knew that you were lying to him. 

Of course he did. 

All your lives, it had just been the two of you and Butch, so he had picked up on quite a bit of your tells, and it was impossible for him to miss what you were doing. 

Though, he didn’t out you right there with everyone around. He knew that if he waited until you were both home, you would be more likely to tell him what actually caused such an issue. 

So, he nodded this time, thinking over your words for a second before snapping for the boys to follow him back to the car. 

The losers club wasn’t going anywhere, so there would be plenty of opportunities to torment them without you there to witness it. They all knew that, not to mention the fact that no one was in the mood to deal with big brother Bowers. 

Not that that led to another other than a silent car ride. 

You didn’t have anything to say for yourself, sitting against the back drivers side window of the Trans Am, Victor on your right side. Usually, he sat in that spot, but Henry didn’t want Hockstetter anywhere near you. 

He had no illusions about what kind of creep his best friend was, after all. 

“‘You coming back out?” Belch asked, directing his question at Henry while pulling up to your house. Normally, they would have just dropped you off and left again. 

...But not today. 

Today, Henry had already made up his mind that he had to be a big brother first, and everything else could wait so he shook his head. 

“Nah, you guys go on without me. I’ve got shit to do” he shrugged, getting out unceremoniously, slamming the door behind him with little care for his friends’ personal property. 

That was it, but that didn’t, in any way, lessen the panic you were experiencing. If anything, knowing Henry was going to stay in tonight made you feel worse because you knew he’d have questions. 

Questions that you just weren’t ready to answer. 

Without looking back, you headed to your bedroom as quickly as you could, entering the house casually knowing that Butch wouldn’t be home until late. If you were lucky, you could make it there without Henry stopping you-

“Hey-” 

No such luck. 

“Yeah?” you hummed, turning back toward him without stopping your quick steps, hoping that he just wanted to call you a dipshit or something so you could get on with your life. 

However, Henry had woken up on the right side of the bed today, and he wasn’t feeling dismissive or angry. If anything, he was worried about you today more than usual. 

Which meant you were about to have a conversation...

A very awkward conversation

“What was that today? And don’t lie” he tutted, catching you before the thought could even cross your mind. That was the worst part of being Henry’s sister, as far as you were concerned, sometimes he cared and sometimes he didn’t. 

But when he did, that was the only thing he could focus on until he figured out the cause. 

“Nothing. I just don’t like you guys roughing up kids in front of me” you decided, Henry knew they were all in your grade, and it only made you look back when he acted that way. 

It wasn’t a lie. 

Not that Henry was satisfied by that. 

“Okay, what else?” he hummed, following you into your room now to sit down beside you on your bed. There was something else, he just knew there was. 

He just had to dig down deep enough to figure out what it was. 

You sighed. 

Henry was safe. If there was anyone you could trust with this, it was Henry, the guy who had quite literally taken a punch or ten for you, but you were scared. 

You had heard him tormenting other kids about their preferences in this regard and you were terrified that would all change once you were honest with him. 

...That could happen, right? 

Nothing said Henry always had to protect you, not when it came to something like this. 

“Come on kid, I don’t got all day” he teased, watching you think it all over in the silence. Whatever it was that was bothering you, it had to be pretty serious. 

After all, you never got this way with him unless it had something to do with Butch and Henry knew it wasn’t that. Butch hadn’t laid his hands on you in months since Henry got in a fight with him over it. 

He had nearly been hospitalized after that. 

Fine, here goes nothing. 

You took a deep breath, doing your best not to throw up all over the carpet. You had been hiding this deep inside for so long, that it didn’t seem right to just say it out loud. 

Though, you knew you would have to eventually. 

“I like her” 

It was hardly the way you had thought it over in your head, but in that moment, it was all you could think of. It was the only words you could force your mouth to make. 

...And Henry could work with that. 

He was confused, sure, but any jokes or cruel jabs he could have thought up didn’t even come to mind as he looked at you. You were his baby sister, and looking after you was his job. 

You were his responsibility, and he wasn’t a monster. This was clearly hard on you, and he wasn’t about to make you feel bad about it. Knowing you, you would probably cry, and he wasn’t prepared to deal with that today. 

So, he nodded instead. 

“Who? That Ska-” he started, stopping himself before he could rip on her again, just in case that was who you were talking about. You hadn’t taken that well the first time. 

“Beverly” you supplemented, rolling your eyes at him. It was the first time you had really called her by her name out loud, but it felt good. Especially in this context. 

Maybe this would convince Henry to stop acting so harshly to her. 

“Right. The redhead” he nodded a few times, thinking it over in his head. It was something he hadn’t been anticipating, but it wasn’t that big of a deal, not really. 

Shit, he liked girls too so he couldn’t blame you. 

“Okay, kid” 

There was silence for a second. You didn’t have the words to fill the space after airing the biggest secret you’d ever had and Henry was just trying his best to find it within himself to be the big brother you deserved. 

He might not have been the best out there, but he had always done his best where you were concerned, and that wasn’t going to change now. 

“Anyone fucks with you at school, and I’ll kill ‘em. Deal?” he decided finally, offering you a hand to shake which you did after a second. It was the best he could come up with and you didn’t mind. 

Henry was your brother, and you knew he would always have your back, even when he may not have understood. 

“Deal” you smiled, taking his hand in your own and giving it a shake before leaning in to give him a tight side hug. 

Now you just had to figure out how to actually talk to Beverly. 

[edenmemes]

bastille sentence starters

❝ grey clouds roll over the hills, bringing darkness from above. ❞ ❝ i’ve got demons running around my head. ❞ ❝ i wanna waste all of my time with you. ❞ ❝ i can’t help but think of you. ❞ ❝ who’s this man? who’s this act i hide behind? ❞ ❝ why are we always chasing after something, like we’re throwing our lives away? ❞ ❝ but if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like nothing’s changed at all? ❞ ❝ how am i going to be an optimist about this? ❞ ❝ so get drunk, call me a fool. ❞ ❝ crawl, and beg, and plead. ❞ ❝ pain? i can take it easily. ❞ ❝ you better sink your teeth before i disappear. ❞ ❝ we will walk our different ways. ❞ ❝ send my regards to hell. ❞ ❝ aim. throw your best shot right at me. ❞ ❝ i’m the lesser of two evils. ❞ ❝ i hear you calling in the dead of night. ❞ ❝ regrets can’t change anything. ❞ ❝ i want to see you smile. ❞ ❝ it’s easier for me to bury my head in the sand sometimes. ❞ ❝ oh, to see what it means to be free. ❞ ❝ i let myself bathe in the past for way, way, way too long. ❞ ❝ there is nowhere i would rather be. ❞ ❝ they will come for you. ❞ ❝ did you really think i’d fall to my knees? ❞ ❝ you always let me down so tenderly. ❞ ❝ how do you always know when i’m down? ❞ ❝ never good. just the bad and the ugly. ❞ ❝ how am i gonna get myself back home? ❞ ❝ kindness is what you showed to me. ❞ ❝ and then you put your hand in mine. ❞ ❝ i go searching for you. ❞ ❝ they will come for you. ❞ ❝ the last couple of years been a mad trip. ❞ ❝ let me hold your hand. ❞ ❝ aren’t we all just looking for a little bit of hope these days? ❞ ❝ oh what to do not to worry like you. ❞ ❝ i’m your walking disaster. ❞ ❝ what a year and what a night. what terrifying final sights. ❞ ❝ i would rather forget and wash my memory clean. ❞ ❝ if you’re gonna hit me, hit me harder, ‘cause. ❞ ❝ oh my god, i can’t quite believe my ears. ❞ ❝ don’t pin it all on me. ❞ ❝ take breath, and push the anger down. ❞ ❝ the night was all you had. ❞ ❝ i think of you all the time. ❞ ❝ in another time, what could we have been? ❞ ❝ don’t make promises to me that you’re gonna break. ❞ ❝ i will never understand the power you were holding over me. ❞ ❝ we’re not that different you and i. ❞ ❝ what you’ve done is terrible. now, you carry it with you. ❞ ❝ i can hear your pulse rising from here. ❞ ❝ hold me in your arms. ❞ ❝ can you stand the person you’ve become? ❞ ❝ won’t you teach me how to love and learn? ❞ ❝ i just keep talking about it. but i’ll do nothing about it. ❞ ❝ hold me in this wild, wild world. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to rest in peace. i’d rather be the ghost that annoys you. ❞ ❝ it pays to be the good guy sometimes. ❞ ❝ all the things you’ve said, and all the things you’ve done, can you carry it with no regrets? ❞ ❝ i could just turn the other cheek if it makes you feel better. ❞ ❝ look out to the future, but it tells you nothing. so take another breath. ❞ ❝ you're a sweet relief. you distract me from my brain. ❞ ❝ run away as fast as you can go. ❞ ❝ a match is our only light. ❞ ❝ and then you put your hand in mine, and pulled me back from things divine. ❞ ❝ all their words for glory, well, they always sounded empty. ❞ ❝ we made the best of what we had, you know? ❞ ❝ in your warmth i forget how cold it can be. ❞ ❝ there must be the words in that head of yours. ❞ ❝ you said you will always have my back. ❞ ❝ you said you will always have my back. how are we to know? ❞ ❝ i think we both know the way that this story ends. ❞ ❝ no need to apologize. we’re already far from perfect. ❞ ❝ when oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than i ever can. ❞ ❝ run before the evil erupts. ❞ ❝ you’re watching your vanity slip. ❞ ❝ i need to clear my head. ❞ ❝ all this bad blood here. won’t you let it dry? ❞ ❝ do you understand that we will never be the same again? ❞ ❝ i was the match and you were the rock. maybe we started this fire. ❞ ❝ you have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve. ❞ ❝ tell me, did you see the news tonight? ❞ ❝ i don’t wanna talk about it. ❞ ❝ tell me a piece of your history that you’re proud to call your own. ❞ ❝ my lips are getting looser, i don’t know what i’m saying. ❞ ❝ yeah, the streets are getting reckless. ❞ ❝ there’s a whole in my soul. i can’t fill it. ❞ ❝ there’s a whole in my soul. can you fill it? ❞ ❝ we were born with nothing. ❞ ❝ we were born with nothing, and we sure as hell have nothing now. ❞ ❝ lately i’ve been thinking: i want you to be happier. ❞ ❝ when you’re in my arms but you’ve gone somewhere deeper. ❞ ❝ when i watch the world burn, all i think about is you. ❞ ❝ when it feels like the world’s gone mad and there’s nothing you can do about it... ❞ ❝ now, you just tear me apart. ❞ ❝ what are you good for? what are you good for? ❞ ❝ if we’re only ever looking back, we’ll drive ourselves insane. ❞ ❝ cause you’re making me nervous. ❞ ❝ can you fill this silence? ❞ ❝ there are only so many times i can come running for you. ❞ ❝ i’m trying to keep my composure. ❞ ❝ it’s not your fault. ❞ ❝ i won’t show my face here anymore. ❞ ❝ if you don’t like it, then why do you want me? ❞ ❝ i don’t think that’s a selfish want, i really don’t. ❞ ❝ i guess a whole lot’s changed since i seen you last. ❞ ❝ you don’t listen to me. you don’t listen to me anymore. ❞ ❝ tell me all your original sins. ❞ ❝ we’ll fall in love all over again. ❞ ❝ i'm already past the point of no return. ❞ ❝ it’s always been just you or me. ❞ ❝ these are the things, the things we lost. ❞ ❝ i came here to get some peace. ❞ ❝ just listen to your friends. they only care and hope that you’re alright. ❞ ❝ are you drifting way beyond what’s normal? ❞ ❝ it scares you being alone. ❞ ❝ those are words from insanity’s lips. ❞ ❝ it’s not like i’m above you. ❞ ❝ you said we’d leave this place in dust. ❞ ❝ no, i don’t want to meet you nowhere. no, i don’t want none of your time. ❞ ❝ you might have to excuse me. i’ve lost control of all my senses. ❞ ❝ oh, where do we begin, the rubble or our sins? ❞ ❝ god knows what is real and what is fake. ❞ ❝ we can never go back. ❞ ❝ vengeance is me speaking up. ❞ ❝ throw all your howls towards the heavens. ❞    ❝ happiness only brings heartache. ❞ ❝ i could only be myself with you around. ❞ ❝ i'll come back to haunt you. ❞ ❝ the space you used to fill is now a big black hole. ❞ ❝ now you’ll be missing from the photographs. ❞ ❝ in my thoughts you are far away. ❞     ❝ what’s gonna be left of the world if you’re not in it? ❞ ❝ every minute and every hour, i miss you more. ❞ ❝ melt me down. i’m like wax to your jokes. ❞ ❝ you’re always leading me astray. ❞ ❝ your voice is a weapon. ❞ ❝ don’t turn your back on me. ❞ ❝ the sun will rise with your name on my lips. ❞ ❝ your iron rule has often had me on my knees. ❞ ❝ nothing stays the same. ❞ ❝ but you warmed me to my core and left me wanting more. ❞

[afictionaladventure16]

Remember Me (Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff x Daughter!Reader)

Chapter 10

Remember Me Masterlist

Previously on Remember Me...

Warnings: angst and some fluff

Word Count: 2,175

A/N: A special thanks to @rae-is-typing​ for editing this fic for me! Love you so much!! ❤❤❤

“What do you think he’s going to do?” You whispered, looking at the screen. 

“You know the plan, J.J.” Roger focused on the screen. 

You couldn’t help but wonder if he loved his life because you couldn’t love yours. Every part of you wanted to scream and run, wanted to rebel against the orders but there was this part of you that didn’t let you have full control. Who would you be if you left? Where would you go? This life is all that you knew. You couldn’t leave even if you wanted to. 

“I’m gonna go on a walk,” you stated as you got up from the couch. 

“It’s late, J.J.” 

“Don’t call me that!” You let out a frustrated groan. “That’s not even my real name!” You yelled. Roger was stunned by your small outburst. He watched as you placed a light jacket on. Part of him wanted to lock the door, refuse to let you out and the other just wanted to give you the space you needed. 

“You can’t just leave, it’s not safe out there,” Roger tried to bargain. Yet, he stayed in the same exact spot on the couch.

“I’ve been a weapon for god knows how long, I don’t think I have to worry about the dangers of the city nightlife.” Roger knew you were right, yet, he knew the world is still a pretty dangerous place. 

“J.J., how about-” 

“No!” You exclaimed. “I just want to be alone, can I please be alone?” You requested.  Roger stammered for words, but you left the apartment. 

You took the elevator down to the lobby of the apartment, you didn’t know where to go, only that you had to get out of there. 

The harsh breeze stung your exposed skin as soon as you stepped out of the apartment building. Sounds of honking cars and people hailing taxis filled your ears as you trekked further into the sidewalk. It was crowded, pedestrians shoved their way through crowds with little regard for the well-being of the other.  You bumped into the strangers as you walked along the sidewalk. You rolled your eyes at the sixth stranger with a briefcase that you bumped into. 

“Why aren’t these damn sidewalks any bigger?” You mumbled under your breath. 

After walking for a couple more blocks, you spotted a park. Breathing a sigh of relief, you walked towards the park, settling for a nearby bench that overlooked a small pond. A duck and her ducklings waddled over to the pond, and you couldn’t help but notice how carefully the duck stood by the pond as each of her ducklings waddled into the pond. Once she was sure that every duckling was in the pond, she waddled in as well. Astonishment overtook you. Animals showing compassion was a foreign concept. Yet, there is was right in front of you. 

Turns out there were many things that you still didn’t know. 

Your own name and where you came from are perfect examples. All you knew was what they had taught you, tortured you to learn. A rush of heat surfaced at your palms, a gross reminder of the lack of control you had over your own life. You never asked for these. All they did is remind you that you’ll never be normal, you’ll never just be you; you’ll always be something to be controlled. 

Hatred for Zemo festered in your bosom, you fumed at the thought of what he did to you. You didn’t understand why he would do such a thing without giving any reason. 

“J.J.?” A familiar voice broke you out of your thoughts. Bucky walked towards you, shrouded in near-complete darkness walked towards you, only illuminated in the light of the street lamps. “Hey, kiddo, what are you doing out in the park so late?” 

You gave him a small shrug. Bucky frowns, immediately sensing that something was off. He gestured for you to scoot over. You comply a bit before glancing over towards the ducks once again. 

“What’s wrong?” Bucky gently asked. 

You couldn’t exactly tell Bucky what was wrong. Yet, for some reason, you wanted to. You felt like you could trust him, he had always given off this vibe that you couldn’t translate. 

Bucky assumed your silence meant that you were closing him off. “You know, you can always talk to me if there’s anything going on,” he began to say. “If there is anything at home that’s happening and you feel like you have no one to talk to-” 

“Home is fine,” you cut him off quickly. 

Bucky gave you a nod. “Does your dad know you’re out here alone?”

“Yeah,” 

“Is he okay with it?” 

“Probably not,” you whispered. “But he didn’t stop me.” 

“Did you want him to?” 

You stayed quiet, unsure of how to answer that. You did want Roger to stop you, but you also wanted space. 

“I miss my mom,” you blurted out. Bucky let out a soft sigh, placing his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in for a side hug. 

“I know, kid.” Bucky placed a platonic kiss on the top of your head. He fondness for you grew each moment he was by you. You reminded him of the past. “I miss my daughter every day.” 

“You have a daughter?” 

Bucky smiles sadly, breaking from the hug. “I used to.” 

“W-what happened to her?” You stuttered, fear sparking in your body at the risky question. You didn’t know if you were stepping over boundaries. 

“She Uhm,” Bucky cleared his throat. “We don’t know…” He felt tears begin to form in his eyes. “She was taken from us by some bad people.” 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I know how it feels to have things taken from you.” 

Bucky gave a soft smile through the burgeoning tears. “You know you remind me of her sometimes.” 

“I do?” You asked, meeting his bright blue eyes. “How?” 

“You ask a lot of questions,” Bucky responded. “She was only a kid, but boy did she ask so many questions too. She had dark brown hair, like yours, and Nat’s eyes…” Bucky couldn’t help but notice how similar you two were. He almost considered you her doppelganger. Bucky cleared his throat once again, a gust of cold air bursting through the park. You curled more into your light jacket, desperately trying to escape the cold. “Come on, I’ll walk you home, kid.” 

You sighed as Bucky stood from the bench and walked out of the park. “So, where exactly do you live?” 

“Down Fourth street.” 

“Fourth Street,” Bucky repeated. 

“They need to make these damn sidewalks bigger,” you muttered as someone pushed passed the two of you, yelling obscenities over their Bluetooth earpiece.

“You sound like a 100-year-old person.” Bucky chuckled.

“And you act like one,” you retorted. 

Bucky laughed. “Well, I am one.” 

You both stopped at the corner of the sidewalk, waiting for the light across the street to allow you both to walk. 

“Hold my hand, hon.” Bucky glanced behind him, spotting a father talking to his young daughter. “I don’t want to lose you.” The little girl giggled as she held onto her father's hand, swinging it slightly causing the father to grin. 

Bucky held onto your small hand, cursing to himself every time someone had bumped into him on the sidewalk. “Papa, how much longer?” 

“We’re almost there,” Bucky said. He stopped at the corner of the sidewalk, letting go of your hand to press the Street Crossing button. You looked around as your father focused on the light across the street to change. The toys in the window of a store caught your attention. Intrigued, you slowly walked closer. You giggled as a train display drove around the dollhouse display. 

Bucky was relieved when the light finally signaled that they were allowed to cross, he reached out for your hand but quickly noticed that you weren’t there. 

“Y/N?!” Bucky called out in a panic as people began to crowd the area he was in. His eyes frantically searched for your dark brown hair as he pushed past the crowd. 

“Fuck!” He muttered to himself. His heart raced, even more, every second that he couldn’t find you. 

You could hear your dad yelling your name but you couldn’t see him, there were too many people passing by. You scooted towards the wall, your breathing becoming uneven as panic began to settle in. 

“Papa!” You whimpered as you slowly slid down the wall, bringing your knees up to your chest. Tears began to fall down your cheek as the sound of the cars passing by got louder, the chatter of people that passed you sounded like they were yelling and your father was nowhere in sight. 

Bucky continued to push his way through the crowd, he saw a small form next to the wall. He let out a relieved sigh as he recognized the outfit, he rushed over to you, quickly picking you up. 

“Thank god,” he mumbled as he placed his hand behind your head. You cried into his shoulder. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, baby doll.” 

“I’m sorry,” your voice cracked. You tried to speak your breathing was still uneven.

Bucky pushed back your hair before kissing your forehead. “You’re okay,” he mumbled as he wiped away your tears with his thumb. “That was scary huh?” You gave him a small nod, your sobs slowly decreasing. “How about we go get ice cream? I don’t think mommy will mind if we’re home a little late.” You beamed at the mention of ice cream, Bucky couldn’t help but smile at your expression. 

“Bucky,” You tugged on his arm. He jumped slightly by your action, letting out a sigh when he realized where he was. “You okay?” 

Bucky took in a deep breath, “Peachy.” He noticed the light signal change, “let’s go.” 

You shrugged it off, following Bucky across the street. “That’s my apartment,” you said as you pointed to the building that wasn’t too far. Bucky gave you a soft nod. 

“After you,” Bucky said as he opened the door. 

“You’re following me in?” 

“I’m making sure you get into your apartment,” He smiled. “Just because I’m old doesn’t mean that I don’t know any of you young kids tricks.” 

You rolled your eyes and lead Bucky over to the elevator. 

“How long have you guys stayed here?” Bucky asked casually as you both walked into the elevator. 

You pressed the button for the fifth floor as you contemplate your answer. “Um, I want to say like a year?” Bucky raised his eyebrows. “I don’t remember,” 

The elevator stopped on the fifth floor, you exited out of the elevator and began walking down the hall with Bucky a few steps behind you. You stopped at your apartment door, turning to Bucky who gave you a confused expression. “I don’t have a key,” you mumbled. 

“There’s this thing called knocking,” Bucky informed you as he knocked on the door. 

“Well, thank you, Bucky for dropping me off! I’ll see you at our next lesson!” 

“Oh, no, you’re not getting rid of me that easy.” 

You groaned to yourself as the door opened. Roger quickly took notice of Bucky but he focused on you. “Do you know what you put me through this evening, young lady?” He snapped.

You rolled your eyes, pushing past him and into the small space. “Whatever,”

Roger watched as you walked towards your room, slamming the door behind you. “Sorry about that, Mr. Barnes,” Roger said softly. 

Bucky smiled politely. “Teenagers. And please, call me Bucky.” 

Roger nods. “Thank you for escorting her home.” 

“It was no problem. Goodnight, Mr. Jones and tell J.J. that if she ever needs to go on a walk for some fresh air to just message me? I think she could use someone to talk to.” 

“Of course, that would be much appreciated.” Roger felt so angry with himself, he swallowed his anger, withholding the urge to throw the vase that sat on the kitchen counter. But he felt angry for keeping everything that he knew to himself but he had to plan it out. He couldn’t be reckless about it. If he wanted to tell Bucky and Natasha the truth he had to do it with a foolproof plan,  one that not even Zemo would see coming. Bucky turned to walk away. “Actually, I would like to invite you and Natasha over for dinner tomorrow, if that’s alright?” 

“Dinner?”

“As a thank you for everything.” 

Bucky felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he quickly went for his phone. He knew he just couldn’t say no. “Dinner sounds nice,” Bucky said with a smile. 

“Is 7 O’clock good?” 

“Perfect,” Bucky stated. “I’ll let Natasha know.” 

Roger gave bucky a small nod before closing the door. Bucky glanced at his phone.

You need to come home. Now.  ~ Natasha

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows at the message before running out of the apartment building. Bucky knew something wasn’t right. 

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