#yeah yeah once again trying to work through my issues at 6 in the morning | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

celaenaeiln · 1 year ago

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something i’d love to see more of is angsty rebellious teenage dick grayson. i don’t know why i enjoy the trope but the image of dick “golden boy” grayson getting plastered with roy as he slowly sinks into depression before somewhat getting his shit together is an interesting picture

also he just seems like the guy to get impulsive piercings. dunno why

oooh yeah that fantasy's a guilty a pleasure of mine.

I am 1000000000% an enforcer of Dick was not an angry robin. And he wasn't because the comics show just how happy his demeanor was and how fun he is. But angsty teen Dick? 16/17 year old Dick?

I LOVE IT.

Again throwing a little bit of canon in

"When we started this you were open and encouraging. You were my father...but these last few years...all you've been doing is trying to control me even more."

This is so loaded.

The anger Dick feels when Bruce is trying control him, trying to lock him in a cage in the batcave because of worry, has so much ao3 potential.

Like angsty teen dick is so complicated to think about because Bruce acts a bit like an alcoholic father and Dick's compartmentalization issues come from his parents' death. So what would this result in?

I have no fcking clue.

Because Dick would totally get wasted with Roy, hazy blue eyes staring emptily into space, watching with a flushed cheeks as his short black hair fans out on the back of a beaten blue couch at Roy's place, just breaking down quietly as Roy rants and screams about life's injustices in the background, slinging an arm around Dick and jostling him.

Or maybe he and Roy would also go bar hopping, both of them sloppy drunk, laughing and crying at the same time while they max out their daddies' credit cards and then crash somewhere in someone's pool. Maybe they end up inadvertently on Katy Perry's Friday Night music video.

Or maybe Dick would be a hurricane of disaster, lashing out with knives of sharpened words stabbing the deepest, sorest spots of pain in people, his anger alighting a fire in all. He would be magnificent, ferocious, and catastrophic.

He could be any of these three and all three at once.

He would feel the need to act out if Bruce was becoming more controlling.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, Dick raised Bruce and that perpetually sense of responsibility he's instilled into himself from a young age as well as his self-sufficiency is never erased so one night he would be blacked out from the excessive alcohol but next morning 6'o clock his body's walking up and he's going through his morning routine like a machine and out the door to work. He just keeps going like this day and day until he collapses and the titans intervene or Bruce drags him back to the manor, screaming in love and fear and Dick screams back and the cycle begins.

Nightwing (1996) Issue #135

Like canonically Dick ran away from home at 16, got a job, got caught up in a major anarchist group, and did a whole freaking investigation while Bruce sulked in the cave because Dick ran away.

There's so much angsty dick potential that could go in so many ways because he's such a complex character that all of them apply.

LOL!!! I totally think he would get impulsive piercings too. Maybe when he's drunk and pissed and then the next day he would wake up be like wtf. He'd sit in turmoil and a little regret for a while and then be like whatever because these piercing are freaking cool.

Bonus: no one (except the og titans and Alfred bc Dick never keeps anything from Alfred and the titans are family) ever find out about the piercings and it's kept a tightly guarded secret until a decade later when he does something in the batcave and one of the batkids notice and they're like, "DICK YOU HAVE A PIERCING?!" The rest of them just about break their neck whipping their head around to look at him. Dick just shrugs nonchalantly because time has tempered him and goes, "oh yeah. I guess. I forgot." Bruce passes out and wakes up on the floor to Dick hovering worriedly over him while the rest of the family watches in amusement at his predicament and also half brokenly because their golden boy big brother has piercings. Plural.

Bruce gasped out a pained breath, "Piercings?"

Dick stared at him silently, gemstone eyes holding his gaze as the quiet of the cave melted the seconds into hours. His eyes slowly slid from Bruce's to where the rest of the family was standing, watching them with bated breath for his answer, before they met Bruce's hopeful ones again.

"No." Bruce, with all the strength left in his body after recovering, raised a questioning eyebrow as Dick continued, "I don't have any piercings and never did."

"Hmn." But he swore he could've seen-

The kids erupted in protests.

"Dick, come on!" Jason hollered, pushing forward. "We clearly saw it there-"

"Where?" Dick asked, spreading his arms wide and invitingly, offering them to see for themselves.

The piercing they had all gotten the barest glimpse of was gone from where they had seen it on Dick.

"But you said you! You said, 'yeah. I guess so. I forgot.'" Stephanie put her hands on her hips, "Admit it Boy Piercing!"

"Boy Piercing?!"

"Fess up, pretty boy!"

"Steph," Dick visibly bit his lip to keep from laughing, "I was joking. You guys should've see your reactions - they were so funny!! Dick has a piercing. OMG. You people were hilarious."

Damian clicked his tongue. "Enough Richard! Did you implement metal into you skin like a heathen? Richard, how could you?! Who dare touch-"

"No Dami!" Dick quickly interfered to prevent a possible murder on his behalf, "I was just kidding, okay? Besides, did you guys even really see it? Like full on?"

Harper crossed her arms. "Close enough."

Dick quirked his eyebrow at that. "But you didn't actually see it right? You thought you saw something shining and turned to look. C'mon you guys know what it is - peripheral vision hallucinations. Things you see in your peripheral vision that aren't real because you are tired," He pinned a look at each other, emphasizing the words, "and stressed."

Dick pressed his lips together and folded his arms. "Time for bed. Now. I know you all haven't been sleeping for the past few days so you all are going to bed. At the manor." Dick finished, shooting Jason a look when he tried secretly shuffling toward his bike.

The rest of them were unmoved for a moment but quickly caved under Dick's patented "I'm mom-ing you."™ stare as Jason liked to call it.

They trudged upstairs while Bruce and Dick watched in companionable silence.

Bruce turned to look at Dick as the sounds of their bickering and footsteps faded away.

"How did you do it?"

Dick hummed distractedly and tilted his head to look down at Bruce still sitting on the floor. "Do what?"

Bruce growled, impatience, annoyance, and apprehension swimming in his voice, "Don't lie. To me. How did you hide it? Now. And for so long?"

Bruce watched tensed as the tip of Dick's tongue ran over the ridges of his top row of teeth, the first sign of anger he had seen from him in weeks. The pink flesh of his tongue barely avoiding cutting itself on the slightly too sharp canines that Dick loved to call his vampire teeth since he was little. He had even threw a veteran-dentist-scaring-tantrum in the dentist's office when the man suggested shaving them down once.

Bruce watched warily as Dick crouched down, balancing on his balls of his feet like a cat on a fence, and forcefully tamped down the sudden urge to pull out a hidden batarang when the boy grinned, eyes lighting with the wild fire of joy and madness from his robin days that still had Bruce on edge for decades.

"How did you it?" He asked again, not sure if he really wanted to know anymore but the principle remained. There was no way Dick's activities could be hidden for so long. He didn't invest in his detective following skills for something like this to escape his observation. But at the same time Dick had evaded his tracking skills when he was seventeen and ran away from him. But something so obvious as a piercing would never escape his notice. But a whole 17 year old boy also shouldn't have escaped his notice. However, Bruce had improved. He had gotten better at his job and his skills. Right? Right, of course, he was the best in the world. Dick definitely did have a piercing. But...on the off chance...what if he really had just seen a flash of light? Sweat on a body? The edge of a birdarang? Peripheral vision hallucinations? "Do you?"

"Do I what?"

You already know what I'm asking. Bruce thought, frustrated with Dick for lying. Frustrated with himself for not knowing if Dick was lying.

"Do you have piercings?" Bruce ground out.

Dick laughed, his voice echoing like choir bells in the spacious cave and bouncing off the stalactites to create a ringing, haunting melody as he leaned in closer to Bruce.

"C'mon, B! You know every showman's got his own tricks," Dick grinned brightly.

And you're the whole damn circus. Bruce hissed viciously in his mind.

Dick's eyes twinkled back at him.

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atinylittlepain · 2 years ago

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Of Saints and Sinners - Chapter 6

Joel Miller x f!reader/f!oc

series masterlist

The team starts their journey home and things start to change between her and Joel. Will she finally start letting him in? Or will he have to forget about her and whatever they had shared?

warnings | 18+ angst, canon-typical descriptions of injuries, smut-adjacent (finally)

The group spends the rest of the night in the old gas station. In the morning she tells them she wants to get back to Jackson in one trip. Joel keeps his mouth shut after their conversation last night, and it’s agreed that they’ll all keep moving, five days until they’re back home.

Alex and Steve might be fooled by her confident attitude, but Joel can see the way she winces when she hoists herself up onto one of the horses, Steve swinging his legs over behind her. One night wasn’t going to heal the damage she had been dealt, and Joel can see she’s feeling it. Regardless, the group sets off on the highway back towards Wyoming.

The days start to pass languidly by, long stretches of squinting highway and nights spent hunkered down in withering buildings. She hasn’t been talking much to any of them, only sharing faint whispers with Steve that Joel pretends to not be curious about. He’s trying hard to not be such a guy about it, but honestly that’s never been an issue until her. For the first time since the world ended, Joel Miller is jealous.

He tries to hold onto what she had told him, that Steve wasn’t her man. And the further along the journey home they got, the more Joel was starting to understand their relationship. This was an intimacy past whatever Joel was getting worked up about. This was two people who had been through everything together. Something deeper than sharing love, or blood, or a name. They had shared life, or whatever there was left of it.

He was still trying to figure out how Alex fit into this equation. They treated him like a little brother almost. Someone a little less worn than them, but still dear. What Joel saw before him was a family, the only kind that could arise in a world like this.

They’re two days out from home, settling in for the night. Her and Joel stay up while Alex and Steve get some rest in the first leg of the night, hunkering down in another cleaned out gas station.

They sit shoulder to shoulder, backs against an old beer cooler.

For maybe the first time, she speaks up first, “what kinda records do you have?”

“Don’t have many, you’ll have to share whatever you’ve been stashing. A buggy Johnny Cash, Patsy Cline, Hank Snow.”

“A real country boy, huh?” She quirks up her mouth in a split grin at him. He thinks to himself, this is new.

“Well what would you prefer?” He’s playing along. It feels weird to him.

“I’m guessing you weren’t listening to much Mazzy Star before this all went down?” He looks at her blankly, she smiles.

“That’s one I did manage to find, their 1993 album, seemingly intact. I’m gonna play it until it’s worn out when we get back.” He likes the sound of that, the promise of her presence.

“Anything else?” She turns her head, resting her cheek on her shoulder as she looks up at him. “You know Elliott Smith?” Again, Joel’s got nothing. She lets out a short laugh. “How about the movie Good Will Hunting?”

“Robin Williams, right? A bunch of therapy talk.” He’s rewarded with a wide smile. “Yeah, Elliott Smith was the soundtrack to that.” Joel nods, afraid to admit he can barely remember the movie in the first place.

“He was big in Portland, where I was from, at least in the indie scene. My dad - he was a disc jockey, always on the up and up on music, always bringing home good shit for me to listen to. Elliott Smith was my favorite artist he showed me. You might like him, he’s folk-adjacent, lots of guitar.” He’s never heard her say so much at once, and even though he has no idea what indie or folk-adjacent means, all he wants is for her to keep talking. For just a second, Joel feels like he’s in a different world with her, a world in which none of this ever happened. Just two people talking about music on a normal night. And then he blinks back into reality, the still fading bruises on her neck, the bandage wrapped firmly around her arm, the way she talks in the past tense. She seems to snap back into this world at the same time, clearing her throat and looking down at her hands in her lap. He hates it, the sudden drop.

“Anyways, gotta get home first. But I’ve got one of his records too, I’ll play it for you.” Just like back in that field, Joel doesn’t know what he’s doing until he’s already done it. He reaches out, sliding his palm under her own, interlacing their fingers. Her lungs catch on an inhale, turning her face to look at him from under those damn eyelashes. His other hand ghosts over the hinge of her jaw, thumb brushing the arc of her chin. While his brain blares the what the fuck alarm, he’s leaning into her, twisting in until she does the rest, leaning up and forward into him, and it’s a kiss that could only be shared between two broken people. It’s a trembling brush, a frightened test. She squeezes his hand and he closes the gap this time. The second one is a little more certain. I want this. I want you. This is real. I’m terrified that this is real.

They freeze before slowly unfurling from each other, resting their heads back against the wall. He’s afraid to look back at her and see regret, but she breaks the silence first, “was that alright?” He thinks his head’s going to explode. She’s asking if that was alright for him?

Joel swallows, “uh-hum, yeah. Was that alright to you?” Neither of them have looked at each other yet, just glancing at each other out of the corners of their eyes. He sees the sliver of her smile. “Yeah, that was alright, Joel Miller.”

…

Over the next two days of travel, she gets quiet again. Joel thinks he royally fucked up, that maybe the more she thought about what they shared, the less alright it became to her. He feels selfish, downright ridiculous, that this is what he’s worrying about. He can see that she’s still in a decent amount of pain in how she moves, sudden, wincing jerks. She won’t let any of them look at her ribs again.

Mercifully, it’s an uneventful return home. They make it back through the mountains, and their appearance on the edge of town causes a serious stir, people gathering to watch the ragged crew ride in. They dismount, and Maria is quick to take her under her arm and out of the crowd to a former doctor’s house. Joel can hear hushed whispers regarding “the saint’s” return. Back home, back to all her secrets he still doesn’t know.

Steve and Alex look at Joel, both nodding to him, before walking off towards their home. The job is over, and Joel heads home too.

Ellie is begrudgingly happy to see him return, asking too many questions that he refuses to answer. He wonders if things will return to the way they had been, an icy distance, Steve’s warning. He hopes they won’t.

…

That night, there’s a knock at Joel’s door. It’s Alex. Joel steps out, sitting with the man on the porch.

“Thought you’d wanna know, she’s doing alright. Doc did a full checkup. No broken ribs, just some serious bruising, have her taking freezing cold baths to reduce the swelling. She’s at home now, sleeping like the dead. Think she’s already feeling a lot better just being back.”

Joel nods at this, not realizing he needed so badly to know how she was doing.

Alex takes a sharper inhale, “Steve also told me to tell you he was sorry for being a dick. He’s a hard one to get an apology out of, just a little too proud.” Joel huffs at that.

“Don’t have to apologize. I get that, wanting to keep someone safe. I was happy to help you do that.” Alex rubs his palms on his thighs before standing up, turning to leave before thinking twice and looking back at Joel.

“Don’t tell her I told you this, but she told me she likes you, Miller. That’s a high compliment. Thinks you’re one of the good ones. Please don’t prove her wrong.” Before Joel can respond to this, Alex is already shuffling off his porch, walking out into the dimming night.

…

Joel tries hard to get back to business as usual. Picking patrol shifts back up, working with Tommy. He doesn’t see her around at all that first week back, figures they have her laying low while she’s still recovering. He sees Steve at the bar one night and the man nods at Joel, a silent extension of peace, a thank you.

He wonders to himself if it’s better to just forget what happened, that it’d be best to let it lay dormant, to stop thinking about her. But he can’t, the feeling of her hand in his is what he falls asleep to and wakes up with.

Joel certainly isn’t a romantic now, nor was he before. He learned not to be the hard way, with Sarah’s mom, who left him and his babygirl before he knew love was capable of hurting, of destroying. And then he lost Sarah, and with her, whatever he thought was left of his heart.

Something seemed to slide back into that space with Ellie, but now, he can feel it filling out to the brim with her, this wild, strange, dangerous woman that he still doesn’t know, not really. He tries to tamp it down, drown it out, but the thoughts of her keep pouring in. She’s ten years younger than him, and while Joel knows time doesn’t count for much in this world, it feels like a chasm, one big enough for her to not want him at all. But then he remembers that night, that shared moment, and he has to believe he’s not being a fool for feeling this way.

His mind rolls like the tide with these wonderings, these worries as he moves through the days. And then, it’s two weeks since they’ve returned, and he gets another knock on his door on a Tuesday night.

She’s wearing the same thing he saw her in that day at the childcare center, soft, faded t-shirt, grubby jean shorts, and duct-taped sneakers, a zip-up hoodie hanging loosely over her frame. He can see that she’s got two vinyls tucked under her arm.

“You owe me a turn with your record player, Miller.” A ghost of a smile in the corners of her lips. He opens the door wider, letting her slip inside.

“Yes ma’am. Was wondering when you’d be coming for a listen.” Joel can handle patrol shifts, clickers, raiders, general danger, without much anxiety. But having her here, in his space, is making him nervous in an embarrassing way.

“Doc finally cleared me for daily activities. First day of freedom since we got back. Been thinking about this the whole time though.” He knows she means the record player, but something in him still flips over at her words.

She holds up both records for Joel to see, “I brought Mazzy Star and Elliott Smith, the ones I told you about, think we can listen to both tonight?”

He nods, “Ellie’s out wreaking havoc with some other kids, won’t be around to give us any grief. We can listen to whatever you want.” She gives him one of those rare, cracking smiles. He thinks that’s all he really wants these days.

She lets him lead her upstairs, and he only now starts to realize he keeps the record player in his bedroom. Jesus christ, man, calm down. She lets out a sigh when she sees the player set up, tentatively walking over and thumbing through the sparse crate of records Joel has.

“Man, feels like Christmas morning,” she murmurs, mostly to herself. The record player is set up on an old end table, Joel sits down in the armchair next to it, elbows on his knees, watching her carefully kneel in front of the player. She lays her two records down on the floor, seemingly trying to decide which to play first.

“I think I have to go with Elliott Smith first. Haven’t heard him in twenty fucking years.” She slips the record onto the table, letting the needle catch. The opening chords of “Speed Trials” kick up and she smiles until her cheeks are rounding up under her eyelashes, eyes closed.

Joel’s only half paying attention to the music, his focus more intently on the seeming ecstasy she’s in, nodding her head with the drums, letting out a sigh as each new track begins. She opens her eyes a squint, catching him staring and he looks away, trying to listen closer to the music.

She just keeps smiling, “ah man, this last track is so good.”

I'm in love with the world

Through the eyes of a girl

Who's still around the morning after…

She’s mouthing along to the lyrics, Joel feels like he’s going to combust.

I could be another fool

Or an exception to the rule

You tell me the morning after…

She looks at him, her smile slackening as she slowly stands. She shuffles over in front of him and offers out her open palm, he takes it and squeezes lightly.

Crooked spin can't come to rest

I'm damaged bad at best

She'll decide what she wants

I'll probably be the last to know

No one says until it shows, see how it is

They want you or they don't

Say yes…

Joel stands, his and her feet shuffling until the toes of their shoes skim. She splays her other palm over his chest, fingers grazing just below his collarbone. He lets his hand furl around the curve of her neck, thumb resting on the aching roundness of her cheek.

They both jump when the needle catches the end of the record, warbling off. She huffs a laugh, eyes still caught with Joel’s.

He swears he hears his voice crack when he asks her if this is ok but he doesn’t care because she’s smiling and then she’s nodding and then she’s leaning up and in and the first kiss is soft, a remembering, a test. The second is a bit firmer, more confident. The third, she slides her palm up from his chest, to his jaw, drawing into him a bit closer. The fourth, they untangle their hands, his going to the hilt of her spine, hers draping over the tops of his shoulder blades. The fifth, he lets his palm rest heavy on her back, pressing her body fully against his. She swipes her tongue across his lips and he’s already letting her in, tasting into him. They can feel their battering heart beats where their chests press against each other, shaky and unsure of where they’re going next until Joel is cupping her hips in both his hands and gently walking her back towards the end of his bed. The backs of her knees hit the sheets and she’s stumbling back onto the bed, taking him with her as he awkwardly tries to hold himself up. She lays back and he’s hovering over her with his knee between her legs and his palm beside her temple and he laughs, really truly laughs. She brings her hand up, thumb brushing over his lips.

“What is it?” He sighs, “it’s nothing, it’s just — kinda feel like I’m back in highschool right now.” She giggles and Joel thinks it might kill him, “Joel Miller, are you blushing?”

“Mm, shut up,” and with that he’s diving back down to meet her and this kiss is different. It’s desperate, licking into each other, teeth bumping, huffed breaths, and the clicks of spit. She starts to work at the buttons of his shirt and once he catches on, he sits up for a moment, yanking the thing off over his head by the collar before settling back into her. He shivers as her palms run over his bare skin, nails grazing his back, his sides, up his chest. He dips his head into her neck, leaving nips along her throat as she gasps under his touch. She lets out a strangled whine when he brushes his lips at the hinge of her jaw. He presses back, pulling her hands with him to bring them both standing. His hands grasp at the edges of her hoodie, he sees a flicker of something in her eyes, but she still lets him shrug the jacket off her shoulders. Joel runs his fingertips down her bare arms and she shudders. He stops at the bandage around her left forearm, she looks down at the floor.

“Almost all healed now. You still gonna like me with another scar added to the list?” He frowns at that, dipping his head to meet her gaze, swooping in for a swift, hard peck. “Don’t even say shit like that,” he murmurs, bringing his attention back to the task at hand, fingers ghosting along the hem of her shirt. He doesn’t miss her flinch this time.

“I just – well, you’ve seen my back. Kinda a mood killer,” she laughs lamely at this, swallowing hard around an ache in her throat.

“Hey, no. I — I want you, however you are, however you let me.” Joel feels like his mouth is full of cotton and he speaks before he can even think, “you’re – you’re wild, you know that? Make me feel like my head is gonna explode everytime I look at you.” She lets a small smile spread at that, still gazing down at her shoes. He brings his palm to her jaw, coaxing her face up towards him.

“Don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to, but you gotta know I want all of you, if you’ll let me have it.” She nods slightly, eyes a bit teary as she catches Joel’s gaze. What she says comes out as a hoarse whisper, “Think I need some time. I know you’ve seen them. I’m just not ready, but I want to be. That ok?” Joel takes hold of her hand, squeezing. She squeezes back.

“It’s ok, darlin. Give you all the time I got.”

#joel miller angst #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #the last of us #tlou #joel miller fluff

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slashgod · 9 months ago

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Rant under cut. TW: medical stuff, suicidal thoughts.

Me: on some heavy duty anti-psychotics for my borderline personality disorder and anti-depressants for my manic depression

Goes to collect medication from pharmacy. Gets told no request was put in for it.

Weird, I remember doing that last week. But ok.

Calls GP.

GP: oh ok we can issue an emergency medication request.

Me: great! Can we do that?

GP: I’ll call you back once it’s done.

Me: waits for a call that doesn’t happen. Realises they’ve now closed for the night and I have 0 medication left.

Calls 111 (non emergency services out of hours)

111: that’s your GPs problem, not ours. All the pharmacies are closed tonight so you’ll have to try again tomorrow.

Me: tries not to be concerned, one day should be ok right?

Calls GP again in the morning. Told an emergency request will be put through.

Calls pharmacist. No answer. Waits an hour. Calls again. No answer. Waits an hour. Calls again.

Pharmacist: the earliest you can have this is Friday.

Me: concerned. “I don’t have any left at all, the doctor said this was put through as an emergency?”

Pharmacist: we only just got it. We need to order it and have time to process it.

Me: calls GP back up. Says what I’ve been told.

GP: the pharmacy is nothing to do with us. We’ve put in the urgent request, it’s there job now, nothing else we can do.

Me: calls a different pharmacy to see if it’s in stock. Gets told no, and that all other pharmacy’s under that name don’t have it either according to their stock.

Me: calls 111 again. Makes sure it’s early enough that the pharmacies are still open and will be for another 5+ hours. Explains situation.

111: someone will call you back, thanks.

Me: doesn’t hear anything for 4 hours, calls them back.

111: yeah any calls we get before 6:30pm aren’t important so we don’t call back.

Me: uhhh… ok. So can you help me now it’s out of hours?

111: did you try your GP first?

Me: yes. Here is what happened.

111: did you actually try and call other pharmacies?

Me: yes. HERE IS WHAT HAPPENED AGAIN. What should I do now? I’ve tried all of these things! Should I just jump off a fucking bridge seeing as no-one seems to care?!

111: well this isn’t urgent so you’re not getting a call back soon. Bye.

Me: in tears. Right. I’ll deal. Calls a third pharmacy to see if they have stock. Told no again.

111: calls back. But now all the pharmacies are closed so byeeeee.

Me: crying. Thinking about suicide. Confides in mum what’s happening.

Dad: have you ever considered how that makes ME feel?

Me: ???? How do you think I feel right now???

Dad: yells at me as I leave the room. IF YOURE THAT DEPENDENT ON THEM THEY CLEARLY ARENT WORKING!

Me: laying in bed crying thinking about killing myself. Why is getting the medication I need so hard?

111: calls me back. Oh yeah you shouldn’t have been without medication at all even for one day it’s SUPER important you take something. A doctor will call you back.

Me: still waiting.

#outoftricks #I’m so fucking done #ranting

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angelfairyqueenheart · 1 year ago

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3:18am (BST) 14th december 2023

i met my ex for coffee today. the nice one, not the ones from school. it was good to see him. we were never really meant to be - but we work great as friends. he's kind. he sees with eyes and a mind that no one else i know does. he understands so deeply - and yearns to if he doesn't. he has piercing blue eyes and curly ginger hair that never really knows what it's doing. turns out we've been in the same city at uni for over a year now. his ears are pierced now. he has a cool green paisley sort of silk scarf. with that and his coat off he looks just the same as i knew him before though.

we broke up because my grandfather died. i didn't know how to deal with it. i already had bad mental health issues. it broke me a bit. a lot. once i went to this christian youth festival with my youth group and this kid a year younger than me said that i would undergo transformation, specifically like the art of kintsugi. you know, that japanese thing where they fix broken pots and stuff with liquid gold? my cracks and breaks would be sewn together with gold, they said. they didn't lie - i don't think.

i think the first evidence of that was when my grandad died. through my cracks and grief, a burning passion leaked through and made me stand up for myself for the first time. i realised the relationship wasn't right for me - it just immediately felt wrong, like a skin i had to shed or i'd have to live in it forever. mind you, i didn't deal with it right, i didn't have the wisdom or courage that i do now. not that i'm wise, or courageous. i changed my clothes too. my birthday rolled around and my now-partner gave me an amazon gift card so i bought the cheapest makeup i could find. i went thrifting and bought clothes that make me feel like a human being (and maybe a little bit cool).

that didn't help my mental health though - it didn't make it worse - but it didn't like, improve things. i was still a mess. i still drank at school for the next year and a half. i didn't trust anyone. i still don't trust anyone. i'd like to. my ex didn't see me much at all after we broke up. we met up for coffee after 5ish months... and then i ghosted him (again) (having just told him i'd be up for being friends). yeah not a great move morally. still keeps me up at night sometimes.

my partner didn't mind us meeting for coffee today (boyfriends sometimes do apparently). he didn't really show any opinion. he doesn't often, without me begging for it a bit. i ask the question 3 times for a response, you stare vacantly at me, fake an answer, i ask if you're sure. repeat. so yeah - i did miss my ex. i missed connection and a friend and things to talk about. he was always good to talk to. empathy levels off the charts. don't worry, i'm not gonna try and go back to him - i don't want to. i just need friends, and he's a good one. and my relationship isn't as bad as i make it sound lol but my boyfriend does know i'm not happy in it right now.

i did other things today too. i went pottery painting with the art society. one of the things i painted is for my sister. i hope she likes it. no idea if she will though. i got a sports bra from a charity shop (it's really comfy). i got a turtleneck from another charity shop (i've been really wanting one to wear under dresses [summer dresses can be for winter too]). and i got some uniqlo sports leggings from another reallllyyyy good charity shop. very good price (£6!!!!!! in 2023??? crazytown). i've been wanting to try and exercise a bit. for my brain more than for my body.

i should go to bed now. woke up at 10am this morning but now it's 3am. oh i did yoga too!! just felt like it. i have a creaky unused lil conker of a skeleton. she needed stretching wayyyy more than i realised. it was supposed to be relaxing meditation yoga but it make me a bit more stressed bc i couldn't stretch ffs. was fun anyway. it was for me. today was for me. it was taylor swifts birthday too today the swift society had a birthday party lol. it was fun. i made a terrible friendship bracelet with my own name on it. i won a prize. i was first on the kahoot for a bit. i'm not even that much of a swiftie. i think a girl flirted with me a tiny bit there? idk she probably didn't but i hope i'm right. i hope. i have hope right now. today was for me. night night.

#diary #dear diary #journal

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lovemesomesurveys · 2 years ago

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What did you eat for lunch today? My leftover lemon pepper boneless wings from Wingstop.

Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? By a beach for sure.

Have you watched any good horror/thriller movies lately? I watched X a few weeks ago and I thought it was good. I want to watch the prequel now, Pearl.

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone? I honestly would be too afraid to go alone. I wouldn’t feel safe or comfortable. I’d love to travel abroad if I could take someone with me, though.

What was the last thing you watched on TV? I have Everybody Loves Raymond on in the background.

Do you know your blood type? Yes.

Yesterday, did you get up before 9am? I usually get up at 6 or 7. I sometimes go back to sleep until like 9 or 10, though. Every once in awhile I’ll actually sleep in until then.

How many times does the number ‘7’ occur in your phone number? It doesn’t.

What was your favorite board game as a child? Trouble, Sorry, and Chutes and Ladders.

Are you a coffee drinker? Yeppp.

When are you going on vacation again? I don’t have any plans as of now. It’ll be awhile before I can go anywhere.

Who did you last have an alcoholic drink with? A group of friends several years ago.

What are you going to do after this? I’ll be getting ready for bed.

Who was the last person you were under the covers with? Just me.

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yeah.

What did you do today? I first got up around 7, but I went back to bed until a little after 10. After I got up, I took a couple of my morning meds and then a little bit later my mom gave me the rest of my meds and one of my shakes via the feeding tube. Then I ate breakfast and had my coffee while catching up on social media and checking TikTok. Then the rest of the day I scrolled through Tumblr, watched TV, had lunch, did some reading, rested, and had dinner.

How is your hair? It’s ugly right now. It’s still short from when I chopped all my hair a couple summers ago and has no style to it. I really want it to grow more and dye it red again.

Do you like to cuddle? I really haven’t had much cuddling experience to be honest. I probably wouldn’t be able to cuddle long cause I’d get too hot haha.

Name something great that happened today? I’m trying to get back into my reading groove again and did a decent amount of reading today. Ooh, and my mom bought me more Reese’s lol.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you really cried over? A few.

When was the last time you saw your father? Like twenty minutes ago.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? No.

Do you like your life as of now? It needs a lot of work.

Who was the last person you hung out one-on-one with? My mom.

Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant? I’d be really freaked out and confused to say the very least because I don’t know how that would happen being I’m a virgin and I can’t get pregnant.

Last thing you drank? Coffee.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today? No.

Do you tend to make relationships complicated? I tend to make everything complicated.

Could you go a day without eating? I have sometimes back when I was having eating and appetite issues. There were days I didn’t eat much, which wasn’t good either. It led to a lot of problems and needing a feeding tube, so there’s that. I can’t go a day anymore without eating.

Ever kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? No.

Where did your last kiss take place? I don’t remember, it was so long ago.

Have you ever met any bands/band members before? I met this band called Honor Society several years ago when I saw the Jonas Brothers. I’m pretty sure they’re not together anymore.

Do you use online banking? Do you have an app on your phone? Yes.

How old were you when you started buying your own clothes? I think in middle school I did sometimes. My freshman year is when I started doing more shopping, though. It was cool because my dad worked at the mall and I sometimes went to work with him on the weekends and got to hang out there for hours. It was really cool when we got there before the mall even opened because I was able to go shopping right when stores opened and I’d pretty much have the mall to myself for a bit.

Who does most of the chores in your house? My mom.

What is your least favourite household chore? I’m not particularly fond of any chores.

What was your first job? Did you like it? I’ve never had a job.

What was the last food you were craving? Did you get some? Wingstop and yes I had it for dinner yesterday and my leftovers for lunch today.

Has anyone ever seen you naked? Yes.

How do you get around? Car, bike, public transport? Well, since being home from the hospital I’ve been using a transport service to go places because I’m taken on a gurney. It’ll be that way until near the end of the year.

How often do you see your parents? Everyday, we live together.

Do you own your cell phone or is it on a plan? I’m on a family plan.

Where do you get most of your clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.

Do you remember how old you were when you first started using computers? When I was in kindergarten we played educational games on them. My family got our first computer when I was 9.

What is the first video game you remember playing? Super Mario World.

Have you ever dated a Josh? No.

Does your family do reunion gatherings? We’ve done several, but it’s been several years since our last one. We did that a lot when I was growing up.

What would you order to drink if you were in a bar right now? A soda.

How old were you when you started to wear a bra, if ever? I was in 7th grade.

Do you have any long-lost loves? No. When was the last time you had a first kiss? Uh, I had my very first kiss when I was 16.

How many homes have you ever lived in? Two.

When was the last time you moved? 11 years ago.

Have you ever donated money to charity? Yes.

What’s your favourite type of exercise? None.

How many jobs have you had? Zero.

When was the last time you dined at your favourite restaurant? I don’t have a favorite restaurant.

What do you keep in your bedside table? Well, I have two. One has 3 drawers and I keep miscellaneous stuff in those and on top is my lotions and body sprays. I also have a TV tray that’s closer to me that I have my drinks and some snacks on. I also have a few scrunchies and a pack of rubber bands on it right now.

Have you ever given your number to someone? Yeah.

Do you have an ensuite bathroom? No.

What shoes do you wear the most? I actually haven’t worn any shoes in several months since I was in the hospital and then even since I’ve been home. When I go to my doctor appointments I’m taken on a gurney and just wear socks cause who cares. Anyway, before all that I always wore my black Adidas.

How old were you when you learned how to drive? I haven’t.

Have you ever been to a baby shower? What was the baby's name? I’ve been to a few.

What mode of transport did you take to high school? My mom usually took me, but once in awhile my dad or aunt did.

Name a personality trait of yours that you like. I’m understanding.

Name something about your physical attraction that you dislike. Ugh, everything. I’m a real mess right now and extra self-conscious.

What's in your purse right now? I don’t have one currently.

Do you vote in your country's elections? Yes.

What was your first kiss like? It was awkward, but I was just all giddy about having had my first kiss lol.

Shuffle your music and skip twice. What song is playing? Nah.

Have you ever been a freelancer? Nope.

What mood were you in when you woke up today? Tired.

What storey is your bedroom on? I live in a one-story house.

What gifts do you usually receive at Easter? Usually gift cards, something else like a shirt or stuffed animal, and candy.

Do you use a planner to keep track of your life? I use my notes and calendar apps to keep track of some things.

Who was the last person you sent an email to? I have no idea, it’s been quite awhile since I’ve sent an email.

Are there any posters in your bedroom? Yes.

What was your favourite fairytale as a kid? Does Alice in Wonderland count?

Is there anything in your freezer that you really need to get rid of? *shrug*

Have you ever played Second Life? No.

What do you like about the town or city you live in? Only that my family is here, otherwise my city is awful.

What do you dislike about the town or city you live in? It’s not the best or safest place to live.

Are your parents good cooks? Yes.

What's the first thing you notice about a person? I honestly don’t really know.

Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Did you like it? I’ve never been. What is your favourite museum? I don’t have a particular favorite, but I enjoy going to historical museums. Although, I think if I ever went to the Smithsonian it would become my favorite. It sounds so cool.

Do you know anyone who is an actor? No.

Have your wisdom teeth come through yet? I got them taken out when I was a teenager.

How many weddings have you been to? Three.

Do you watch Youtube? What channels do you like? Yes, I watch a lot of YouTube.

What's your alcohol of choice? None.

Have you ever used a public pay phone? I have.

Which one item would you save from your burning house? Gah, that would be so hard to just grab one thing. I’d of course want to grab many things like my phone, laptop, and some other things, but if I could only grab one I’d have to grab my meds. I’m grouping them as one thing cause they’re all together in this little tub thing that I could just quickly grab. There’s also medical supplies I’d really need cause they’re not stuff I can buy at the store.

Do you have a Twitter account? I do.

What is your hair like right now? Like an ugly mess.

How do you like your eggs cooked? Over-easy, scrambled, hard boiled, deviled.

What's the longest you've been without showering? The 3 months I was in the hospital. I only could have bed baths.

Name one of your guilty pleasure songs. I don’t have one.

Have you ever made an item of clothing? Nope.

What was the most expensive bill you paid within the last month? My credit card bills are kinda high. :/

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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theforestknowsmydreams · 8 months ago

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okay funny story! also long story, so i'll put it under the cut (if it works, i've never done that before)

so i was staying in a 6-bed-room with strangers who changed every couple nights, but everyone was nice and i made some new friends... until last night

we're all in our room, just hanging out and chatting a little, when, around midnight, someone starts banging on the door

one of the other guys opens it (he's really sweet, he didn't even consider maybe the loud banging was a bad sign), and in storms this dude, DRUNK OFF HIS ASS

we were all already in bed, and i was facing away from the door, so i could only hear what was happening and not see it

but Drunk Dude starts yelling in some language none of us knew, clearly very angry, and starts throwing things. he's going through bags (which thankfully turned out to be his), throwing them across the room, knocking shit over, and even tried to throw one of the metal crates beneath an empty bed

we're all scared shitless, i'm curled up in my corner trying to be invisible, even putting my noise cancelling headphones in because he was SO loud

well, eventually he takes his stuff and leaves (i am trying really hard not to hyperventilate at this point)

one of the older guys goes to the lobby to report what happened, and it's quiet again. so everything's fine now, right? WRONG

someone's knocking at the door AGAIN!

we think it's the guy who went to the lobby at first, but then we hear the telltale screaming and know it's Drunk Dude once again. with every second we don't open the door, he gets angrier and more aggressive

we're now really scared. he already took his stuff, so we're assuming he's back for us, and we don't know if he's actually violent or maybe even has a weapon

we need to LEAVE

but he's in front of the door!

so one guy, Ryan, get's a brilliant idea. why not climb out the window? we're not on ground level, but not too far up, so it should be doable

we gather everything we need - money, IDs, shoes, jackets - just throwing them on over our PJs and get ready. Ryan straight up jumps, landing with a loud THUD and warns us it's more of a drop than it looks (it's of course dark out and also rainy)

i am absolutely terrified of things like that and also have some issues with both my tendons and joints, but know i can't stay behind

so i slowly go out the window, first putting my weight on the windowsill and then a railing down below, trying not to slip due to the rain, and then drop the rest of the way

the third guy does the same and follows after me

we all loop around the building back to the lobby, where we reunite with the guy who left earlier and tell the security what happened

less than 10 minutes later, there's 3 police cars in front of the hotel, each with 2 or 3 people in uniform. they detain the Drunk Dude who is STILL screaming (the only word we were able to understand was "Mafioso", which only made the situation more confusing) and trying to wriggle out their grip repeatedly

they searched him and his bags, but apparently found nothing that would warrant taking him away immediately. in the end, they told him to either leave or be forced to come with them and be put in a holding cell for the night.

he proceeded to linger in front of the hostel for hours, with us back in our room and talking until 2 AM because we (mostly me) were too scared to go to sleep immediately.

best thing is that we then saw the SAME GUY just. check back in in the morning. and they LET HIM??

thankfully all of us left that day anyway, because they put him back in the same room we were all in before

so yeah. that's how i jumped out a hostel window at midnight, wearing nothing but my PJs, shoes, and a jacket :)

i'm so so tired.

which to be fair is understandable after i had to jump out a hostel window around midnight, stayed up until 2 AM, had to check out of said hostel at 10 AM, and then traveled back home.

#the forest speaks #hostel nightmare #would i stay at that place again?#yes honestly. it was very cheap and otherwise pleasant #also no matter how scary it was it's a great story to tell people for years to come ngl

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romanarose · 2 years ago

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Sunshine, Starlight, Sweetheart, Brightside Chapter 7

Masterlist

Chapter 6 : Chapter 8

Moon Knight fanfiction with Steven and my OC, Sam

This chapter is more focused on Sam and Marc! I promise I'll make a masterlist one of these days

Little angst, talk of medication, maybe slight eating stuff??? Marc and Sam chapter <3 gets fluffy, the name of the work will make sense with this chapter! Next chapter we finally get smuuuuuuut!!!!

That morning, Steven woke up in Sam’s bed to the sound of her cooking breakfast “Morning love” he said groggily, wiping the sleep out of his eyes.

“Hi love. I’m making banana pancakes, have you ever had them? I love them as a low carb substitute for regular pancakes.

Once again, Steven wondered why she was concerned about carbs and calories, but they had a long day last night and he didn't want to drag her issues out again. “That sounds delicious, love.”

She brought him over a stack of them topped with actual bananas, blueberries, and set a bottle of sugar-free syrup on the bed stand “I ground chia seeds instead of flour, it’s super good for you, and I think tastes better than flour”

“Wow, you’ve been busy this morning. Did I sleep through all that?”

Sam chuckled “Yeah, I couldn’t really sleep last night”

Let me talk to her alone real fast no way, why? Come on are you gonna be nice? I was plenty nice last night, c’mon “Marc wants to talk to you alone”

“Oh. Okay?”

“Is that alright?”

“Yeah, of course”

Behave Yeah yeah yeah Marc fronted and Steven left the consciousness.

“What’s up” she was dodging eye contact

“How much did you sleep last night?”

Shrugging, she replied “I don’t know. I just woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep”

“You woke up two other times last night.” he took a bite of the pancakes.

She turned around “What?”

“I didn’t think you’d remember. You were in a haze. You were having nightmares.”

“Oh, sorry, did I wake you? Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.” Marc insisted “You woke up and fell back asleep at least twice. You were sweating all night. Aren’t you on meds to stop the nightmares?” He looked at her with a mix of concern, but also the face of a man trying to solve a case.

“Yeah I am, sometimes I still get them. What about it?” She said this as a challenge, daring him to keep going.

He took the challenge “You aren’t taking your meds, are you?”

She looked like she had been caught “You don’t know what you’re talking about”

“The burns, the nightmares… You cleaned your entire apartment and made chia seed banana pancakes before 8 am, is this your mania?” He ate more of the pancakes.

“Cleaning my apartment is a good thing. You were watching me?” she attempted to deflect.

“You think Steven would’ve slept through all that? You vacuumed the living room”

“I have a quiet vacuum,” she muttered defensively.

“You aren’t denying not taking your meds”

“Why do you care?! Shouldn’t you be anti medication? You have as much need for it as I do.”

“I’m against it for me, not you. You need them, you said so yourself.”

“Well, I don’t. They freaked Steven out, so I stopped taking them. I’m just adjusting, but once things are back to normal, it’s gonna stress him out a lot less”

“It stresses him out that you hurt yourself!”

“DROP IT!” she shouted, and immediately looked apologetic “Oh my god, oh my god Marc I’m so sorry I can’t believe I did that, I’m so sorry”

Marc fought the urge to be defensive, fought the urge to yell back “Stop! Stop apologizing for everything, jesus christ!” Ok that wasn’t the best response either.

“Are you going to tell Steven? Please don’t, please”

“I won’t, but only because you should be open to your actual boyfriend. You can’t just rely on me to notice these things. He is too love struck to pay that much attention. You need to actually be open with him.”

She paused, the face she made was almost unreadable, somewhere between a glare and looking hurt “He doesn’t need to worry about that kind of thing”

“He worries anyway, all you’re doing is leaving him in the dark about why.” One more bite of pancakes ��these pancakes taste like dieting. Here’s Steven.”

“Marc wait-” Marc was gone, sweet Steven was back.

“Everything okay love?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. You hate the pancakes, don’t you?”

The pancakes weren’t the best, they tasted like health food, but the fact she made them for him? He would eat them every day “No! They are very thoughtful, infact” To make his point, he finished a large bite, leaving the plate empty “I’d like more if you have them!” Sam gave a sad smile and added two more to his plate “I gotta go with my Little Sister, I’ll be back in a few hours, you can hang out here. Maybe we can go walk around the park this evening?” She sounded sad.

“That sounds great. Are you alright?” “Yeah, I’m fine” she grabbed her jacket “I’ll see you latter” she rushed out the door, trying to push down her frustration.

Steven found the nearest mirror “Marc get your ass out here right now!”

He demanded.

Marc appeared, looking irritated “Don’t blame me”

“Well whose fault it is then? Yours.”

“How do you know it’s not hers?”

“Marc, look me in the eye and tell me it was her fault.” Marc was silent “Yeah, that’s what I thought. What. did. You. do?”

“She’ll tell you about it when she’s ready.”

“God dammit! You can’t just let me be happy, can you?”

Marc was genuinely offended. “How can you say that?”

Steven felt bad immediately “right, sorry, shouldn’t have said that. But why are you trying to get in the way of Sam and I?”

“I’M NOT TRYING TO GET IN THE WAY! Jesus, I’m trying to help you, asshole. You have lived a comfortable life, you don’t understand her brain.”

“How dare you say I’ve lived a comfortable life when a few months ago I found out I’m not real, my mom hates me, she’s dead, and so is a brother I never knew I had? That I go around at night killing people? I don’t have to understand everything, at least I’m not an ass to her. Why is it that she's upset after every interaction you’d had? The scarf, today, last night-”

“Hey! Do not blame me for last night. You wouldn’t know anything if I hadn’t asked her”

Steven decided to stop talking before he said more hurtful things “You’re right, you’re right. I’m just” he sighed “I’m gonna do the dishes and wait for her to come back. Whatever happened, can you just… try to get along? Please?”

“Fine.”

When Sam came back, she seemed perfectly fine, like nothing had happened. She even asked Steven to ask Marc what he was hungry for, and Marc replied he wanted pasta. They spent a lazy afternoon together after lunch, Sam talking about her Little Sister’s family and how it seems the girl is just not getting her emotional needs met. As usual, Steven and Sam watched Doctor Who while they ate. Marc wanted so badly to just never talk to her again until she spoke to Steven about the meds, he wanted to give her the silent treatment. But He knew it wasn’t the right path. He fronted, Be nice “Why do you like this show so much?” he asked

Hearing Marc, she stiffened “I know you think it’s stupid.”

“No, I just don’t get it. I like things other people think are stupid. I just don’t get the love.”

Sighing, she let down a few walls “You wanna really know? No judgment?”

“Yeah”

“Obviously, growing up was bad. This show was my escape. The show, books, graphic novels, fanfiction, tumblr posts… it got excessive.” A big sigh “I needed to know there was something else out there. I had what I guess can be classified as dissociation. I managed to convince myself it was real, I know I know it’s incredibly stupid but I just needed to beleive there was an escape.”

Be nice, you ass I am, you ass “I don’t think thats stupid”

“The show was about regular people becoming extraordinary. Like Rose just worked in a store and she saved worlds, the people working in offices impacted lives. Donna insisted she wasn’t special but she became the most important woman in the world… I needed to believe that despite the mess that I am, I could be more. So I convinced myself that he was real and everything could be real. It was how I got through things. I created a fantasy world to live in. You probably think I’m fucking nuts.”

Make chuckled wryly “I’m the last person to think anyone is nuts. And I understand being obsessed with a media and creating a fantasy world around it. Hell that’s kinda how Steven started.” Marc stop.

Sam turned to Marc, looking intently “What do you mean?”

“Oh… shit”

“Is Steven not…”

Marc hesitated “The original?”

“I didn’t want to phrase it like that… But. yeah.”

Marc groaned LOUDLY “Oh my god, you two havn’t talked about this yet?”

“Steven tries not to tell me much about you… He wants you to tell me…”

Another sigh “Fine. Long story short, when I was a kid, my brother died and it was my fault” No, it wasn’t “My mom blamed me too. She started drinking, and she…” Marc stopped, he wasn’t sure how far he wanted to go Tell her. You know everything about her, most of which we pried out “My mom hit me” Sam’s face shifted to sympathy “Stop, no, don’t look at me like that. I was obsessed with this old B movie that was kinda off-brand Indiana Jones, I guess. The main character was Steven Grant. So when shit started and I guess Steven happened, he was kinda my way of creating a different world. I don’t know” Marc was uncomfortable.

“I’m so sorry… Sound’s like we’re more similar than you’d like to admit”

He smiled at her “Sam, I would be proud if I was more like you. But I’m not. You are sunshine and looking on the brightside and love… you are all good things. I am not. You and Steven are way more similar… does it… bother you that he’s not the original?”

She laughed a bit “No, actually” her smile was bright “I supposed it should, but it doesn’t. Bit weird isn’t it? It is.”

Marc laughed back “careful, you keep answering your own rhetorical questions, you’ll turn into Steven.” Sam was considering him again “What now, Sam?”

“I just… Do you still talk to your mom? I only ask because Steven avoids telling me anything about his family… I guess that makes sense…”

I suppose it’s all out now, no turning back “She died. I didn’t see her for years beforehand. My dad wanted me to sit Shiva with him, but I couldn’t do it.”

Her ears perked up “Oh. You’re jewish? I didn’t know that.”

He smiled a bit “Yeah, I guess, technically. Bit odd when I served an Egyption god, but I suppose it is what it is.”

“Reform, conversative, or Orthadox?”

“Conservative. My dad was a Rabbi. I guess I feel about him the way you feel about your mom. I love him, but he was weak. He didn’t protect me. But I love him.”

“I know. It’s a lot of emotions tied to one person, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. It is. But enough about my bullshit, tell me what the fuck is happening in this episode because I am lost, Brightside.”

“Brightside?”

He smiled fondly “Yeah. I think it fits you.”

Sam blushed and looked away “Bit odd of a name for a depressed mess”

When Marc heard her call herself a mess, he felt something tugging at his heart. He leaned closer, looking into her eyes intently so that she knew he wasn’t lying. “I don’t think you are a mess, I think you are kind of amazing, actually.”

Sam sat up onto her legs and put her hands on Marc’s shoulders, searching his face for sarcasm, jokes or a snide remark. She brushed a curl back and kissed his forehead, then touched her head to his. Eyes closed, and hands gripping his forearms “Thank you, Starlight”

His eyes were closed as well, breathing in her scent and relishing feeling her skin, even though it was such an innocent spot “Starlight?”

“Yeah” brushing through his hair with her finger tips, she mimicked his words back to him “I think it fits you”

#moon knight fanfiction #moon knight #steven grant #marc spector #moon knight smut #marc spector smut #steven grant smut #marc spector fluff

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husbandohunter · 3 years ago

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May I request a Childe X Reader fanfic where the reader has been pushing herself too hard lately and so Childe has to forcefully get her to rest? ty

By my side [Childe x Reader]//Genshin Impact

Synopsis: You were an artist and he was an adventurer. Two people from vast backgrounds and Childe just wants to spend some time of his busy life with you. However, things didn't really go his way...at first.

(Childe x F!reader. Its all fluff)

(A/n): Perfect request anon. I too, would like to have a Childe in my life. Been getting 5-6 hours of sleep on average 😃😁. Yeah kind tossed some extra ideas with artist s/o, its a perfect reason for anyone to be busy.

============================

Once recieving the permission to take a week off from his diplomatic duties, the first thing Childe thought of was none other than his lovely significant other.

The harbinger knew quite well what lays ahead of his ventures to Liyue. During his quest for the archon's gnosis, he encountered many interesting events, such as meeting the rumoured traveller hailing from afar and a broke yet courteous man who turned out to be the ultimate ruler of this very country he walks upon then there was the battle against a dead god until he revived it using the sigil of permission. All of them were great additions to his story as Ajax the hero, something he always wanted to pursue since childhood. In which, also gave him something nice to write about when preparing letters for his siblings living back home. But little did the harbinger know that he'll one day bump into the heroine. A little too soon. Through your little art shop, he met you, a sweet and audacious woman with plenty of humour. That was how it all began.

While he strides down the streets between Liyue's exquisite buildings, Childe suddenly stops in his tracks and looks up to the sky. There, was painted a scenery of an evening dusk, sun rays relfected across until red and orange hues cast a river stream that led to the ends of the world. He watched the birds follow that streak like it was a path made for them to fly towards. A new adventure. You would have loved to captured this in your pictures.

And then he wonders, what might you be painting right now?

"Hey babe, I'm home~"

In a sing-song voice he calls out to you by your nick-name. You knew that Childe was an active member of the Fatui and that his time was limited, hence he made sure to write to you as well. Of course long distant relationships only makes the waiting more anticipated. When he does pay a visit, you'd run straight into his open arms, leaping off your feet to engulf him in one enourmous embrace. Then his hands will hold against your waist as he spins your round and around in the air, stealing the laughter out of your lungs before planting you back on the floor. Sometimes Childe would consider that being far away wasn't be such a bad idea as long as he was able to experience this, the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory. However...

"That's great."

He was met by a response similar to the wintry grace of Snezhnaya.

Huh?

All the fantasies he had from earlier shatters in the background as he stands there frozen. You didn't even spare a glance to the entrance, eyes still glued to the large canvas displayed at your front, too busy to even care. Childe clicks his tongue between the awkward silence with an uncertain expression. When there was no signs of initiation on your part, he shuffled his way to where you were and observes from behind.

"Well you're particularly quiet today," he muses to himself, placing a hand over his hip, "I guess that painting of yours must be really important then."

It was obvious that he was trying to nudge you into his favour. Something that you've found endearing was how quickly your boyfriend can be when he's in a needy state. So you quickly twisted over to peck him on the cheek before going back to work.

"That's better," Childe satisfiedly grins, "So who is this project for?"

"It's a commission requested by a wealthy family serving the Qixing. They're really influential in terms of the market and can really give me a competitive edge. I have to get it done in five days."

His tone flactuates as he squints his eyes, "Five days you say," he disliked the news of your schedule taking over his own, Childe only managed to take a week off and after that, he'll be away for quite some time, "Why don't you take a break? From the looks of your progress, it seems to me that you've been working on it for hours. I've got plenty of interesting stories to tell and you know, nothing can compare to sharing a warm meal within your company," he leans down to your ear level, "How does that sound?"

Several seconds went by as he waits for some sort of reaction, "Oh. Right," you blurted out and the harbinger only smiles, "I made some food earlier this morning. You can go help yourself if you're hungry."

Today was not his day.

Childe pulls out the wooden chair and slumps into the seat, a defeated huff escaping his mouth as he stared at the crystal shrimp placed on the table. It was hastily wrapped by plastic, most likely cold for a while, just like the romantic evening he had planned in his head. Normally you'll be sitting on the otherside while listening to the many tales he went through along the way. Although painting was your passion, it was undeniable that you also enjoyed his kind of lifestyle if you ever had the choice. He was rather surprised on how someone ambitious like him would end up with such a simplistic person but quickly accepted it as life was meant to be unpredictable, just the way he likes it. As Childe entertains you with his stories, he'll listen to your giggles amidst eating the homecooked meals that you both prepared together.

"I wonder if she ate already," he mumbled to his lone self. You most likely did but Childe knows you well. Artists are obsessed and they can go as far as to neglecting their own health for the sake of their masterpieces. Hence, he made sure to remind you to eat properly through the letters he wrote to you.

The harbinger takes a quick glance around the kitchen. It was a mess. The cupboards were slightly opened, metal pots were still displayed on the stone stove and the stench coming from the sink....

Childe pushes himsel up to see what was the cause.

Not even the dishes were washed.

Running his fingers through his bangs, he sighs wearily, "Old habits die hard huh?" And above all else, when artists are obsessed they also forget how disorganized they can become. Childe begins to roll up his sleeves before taking off his gloves. At times like this he'll have to pitch in and take care of it for you, "Looks like I'll be here for a while."

Throughout three sunsets and three moonrises, Childe had no option but to observe you from afar, minus the few attempts he made to regain your attention again. How you would go to bed much later than him, waking up before he opens his eyes and the effort he put into making your food only left with too many leftovers. It wasn't that you were unappreciative, instead, your mind had become too focused that your body was considered a second priority. Like anyone else, Childe genuinely thought you possessed great talent and supports you wholeheartedly. He loved it when you painted pictures just for him as if they were scenes coming out of his hero story, reminded by his adventures, capturing every detail. However he also needed to learn how to deal with this stubborn side of yours.

"Hey babe, I just finished preparing our dinner. Don't you smell that? Such a rich aroma, you should go eat."

"I'm busy."

Your diet were just small bites, the rest being substituted by coffee. Childe could clearly tell that you weren't getting enough sleep either as there were dark circles forming underneath your eyes and slowly, he was starting to become a little irritated.

Three hours passed midnight but you were still awake in the same place doing the same thing. Childe leans against the doorframe with arms folded, already changed into his sleeping clothes. He clears his throat to break the silence, "Ahem."

Your wrist hangs in mid air by the sound of a strange visitor, it was your boyfriend. Gaze in a daze, you lazily turned your head, "What time is it?"

"Way passed the sleeping hours as you can see," he points with his thumb at the table clock in a half-hearted manner, "You should already be in bed by now and don't think you can coax yourself out of the situation this time," his eyes parted in slits as he added with a smile, "Otherwise I might just have to force you myself."

You shook your head, "Give me one more hour? There's some finishing touches I really want to add so," clasping your hands together, you beamed sweetly, "Pretty please? I'll finish up soon."

"Oh really?" Childe challenges, head tossed back like he was interrogating you instead, "I believe that was also what you told me yesterday. And the day before? Adding up all of those days that would be.....four in total?" He deliberately counts upon his fingers before facing you again, this time his expression was slightly more serious, "As much as I find your determination remarkable, there are moments when you need to consider a sufficient amount of rest and this just isn't going to cut it."

"Four days already?!" You exclaimed, "Jeez, I don't even know if I'm halfway done."

Pressing his lips together, Childe glares in an acutely deadpanned countenance, it was also his time too, "Can't you ask this commissioner to extend your due date to next week? In your case, mora shouldn't be the issue since, well...you're dating me anyways."

It's true. Childe was the main reason why you didn't have to live as a starving artist. He had all your expenses fully covered from the marketing aspect to your residence, you simply chose to work out of pure will.

"I don't want to always rely on you so much," you confessed, "This commissioner could turn my whole career around. If I'm able to gain his favour, maybe I'll get promoted to a court painter for the Qixing! Who knows when there will ever be a chance like this again," pumping your fists, you spoke purposefully, "I'll pull an all nighters if I have to!"

Childe brings his hand to his forehead, you looked as if you were nearly about to collapse and yet still considering the option of an all-nighters? The harbinger should've detained you days prior before.

"Hm? Childe, what's wrong?" He suddenly falls deadly quiet and you watched him walk closer towards you, "What are--"

Hooking an arm behind your knees and the other at your back, your boyfriend lifts you up in one full swoop as he tossed you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Guess we'll have to do things the hard way," he remarks cheerfully.

"W-Wait," you flailed your arms and kicked your legs but to no avail. Childe was an experienced combatant indeed, "Put me down! I have work to do."

Your protests fall upon deaf ears as the harbinger carries you to your room. You were oddly lighter than the last time he carried you, the strength less vigor than before, it was obvious that your body was in need of relaxation. He suddenly thinks there was a possibility that you would maintain this habit while he was absent.

I should probably visit more often.

Using his free leg to nudge the door open, he places you upon the shared bed in a gentle manner. You winced at the impact of the soft sheets, surprised by how much it affect you.

"There we go. All done. Man, you really are a stubborn one, aren't you. Makes me a little worried since I can't spoil you all the time."

He quickly invited himself to the empty space on your bedside and wrapped his arms around your figure, pulling you close and feeling you whole. Childe made sure there was no escape once putting his chin above your hairline so that you could feel his warmth as much as possible.

"This is--" you stuttered. His tactic was enough to make your limbs soften and you could almost hear him smirk into the distance, "This is cheating..."

"You think so?" He comments as if pledging innocence, "I don't know babe. Where I come from those who take the initiative are the ones who end up claiming the prize," pulling back, Childe takes the opportunity to observe your pouty face, "I don't make the rules. It's just how it goes."

You wanted to argue back but he suddenly took the bedsheets and covered both of your bodies with, completely trapping you with his presence. He snuggles into you further as if you were a bear made of linen and you felt the drowsiness taking over your mind. The way he gently pats down the back of your head was enough to instantly lull you into a deep sleep.

"Cheater," you mumbled.

He laughs softly, the rumbles emitting through his chest, "I love you too babe."

Even after you've let go of your resistance, Childe continues his actions until he was sure that you were resting. He had been longing to touch you like this since living a chaotic life only made peaceful moments much sweeter, "You're such a hard-worker you know that? I'm proud of you but you have to know when to call it a day," he whispers, "If not, how can I go on trips while knowing that you're still refusing to eat properly?"

You closed your eyes and said nothing in return. All your senses were too cloudy to come up with a reassuring response. Childe listens to the way your breath evens as you intake his scent during the process. It smelled like the soap you used in the showers, lotus leaves mixed with his own unique musk. You could only focus on him. His comforting embrace. His slightly accelerating heartbeat because you were together with him.

Letting out one final yawn, you succumbed to his spell and allowed your energy to drift away.

The corners of his lips tug upwards, "Sleep well princess."

Childe reaches over to your desk drawer and shuts off the alarm clock before turning over to face you again. He couldn't fall asleep immediately, not when he had to consider taking care of the commissioner who gave you an impossible deadline. But that will be saved for another day, for now, he observes in silent serenity.

If he were to quit his job for a year, what would his life be like?

Peaceful. Something opposite of what he was living right now. Something similar to the life he had back home. As you arrange the many paintings in your little home, he'll offer to help you among the places you couldn't reach. Without a doubt, Childe was far taller in comparison. Taking strolls into the streets and trying the new dishes the merchants came up with. Then in the evenings, you'll both go to dinner dates while listening to the storyteller revealing the rumours of the legendary Tianquan Qixing. Although Childe loved the adventurous life he led, he had to admit that your domesticity and family-bringing atmosphere was a tempting idea.

Maybe one day.

He lightly takes a strand that had fallen over your nose and tucked it smoothly behind your ear. The soft snores coming out of your parted lips caused his gaze to melt. And so he steals them with his own, placing a chaste goodnight kiss.

One day I'll be sure to bring my family here with us.

Closing his eyes, he joins you in your slumber, hoping to see all that he envisioned in his dreams.

#genshin impact #childe x reader #childe genshin impact #genshin childe #childe #tartaglia x reader #tartaglia #genshin impact childe #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact scenarios #genshin #genshin x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin scenarios #genshin headcanons

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poisonedapples · 3 years ago

Text

Patton’s Home for Traumatized Kids - Chapter Three

New School and Friendships

Chapter Summary: Roman has his first day in a new district while some bonds are strengthened.

First Chapter Previous Chapter Story Masterlist

Warnings: Past abuse mentions, mentions of hidden cameras, anxiety, some bullying, crying, and food mentions

Chapter Word Count: 5,860

Taglist: @shade-romeo, @grayson-22, @pixelated-pineapple, @acrobaticcatfeline, @astrozei, @edupunkn00b, @princey-7258

“Hey, dad?”

“Yeah?” Roman’s dad turned to face him. Roman felt his whole body start to shake.

“You know how you said that…I could ask for anything from you? Since, uh- since you didn’t know what present to get me last time?”

His dad smiled in a way so normal it was disturbing. “Got an idea?”

“Yeah, uh…I want a canopy bed.”

His dad’s face dropped, and Roman could feel the anxiety and regret bloom through his chest. “You know why I can’t do that, Roman.”

“Please? I know it’s probably a bit much to replace my whole bed frame, but I could make my own canopy for cheaper! I’ve already looked at a bunch of ways online how, I just need you to buy the materials-”

“It’s a no.” Roman’s dad looked angry, and Roman would’ve done anything to run the other direction at that moment. To burst out the door and never come back. “Nice try, Roman, but I’m not stupid. Come back when you have a better idea.”

Roman blinked to fight back the tears. “…I’m sorry.”

“Go back to your room.”

Roman ran up the stairs as fast as he could, wishing more than anything that there was a lock on his door. Instead, Roman took his desk chair and propped it against the knob for some kind of security, curling into the corner of his room as he shook and tugged at his hair.

He tried to block out the knowledge of the security camera on his shelf, hidden well but not well enough, pointed right at his bed.

***

Several fast knocks came onto Roman’s bedroom door, waking him up with a jerk. He groggily pushed open the curtain in front of his head to grab his phone and look at the time. Six o’clock on the dot, it read. Ugh.

The knocking on the door didn’t stop, and Roman whined. “What?” He called out.

“Get dressed, we need to leave the house by 6:30.” He heard Logan call back.

“Fine, fine.” Roman pushed the curtains out of the way and practically rolled out of bed, grabbing the clothes he’d organized for himself the night before. He put on a pair of jeans with a white and red t-shirt, nothing fancy but fancy enough for a first day surrounded by strangers. He grabbed his backpack and put his phone and some earbuds in his pocket before heading downstairs to the kitchen.

“Morning, kiddo!” Patton chirped as he made breakfast, “Didja sleep well?”

“Yes, I did.” That was a lie. He had some strange dream where his dad was also there, and he only managed to calm down and fall back asleep an hour ago. He still couldn’t stop thinking about it, even if the dream was hazy now.

“Good to hear! Be ready by 6:30 so I can drive all of you to the school. Then once you get there, you can ask about your schedule at the office.” Patton laid down a plate of bagels with cream cheese and strawberries in front of Roman, so Roman began to eat.

Once he finished his breakfast, Roman rushed back upstairs to style his hair and brush his teeth before they had to leave. As he brushed his teeth, he stared at the shower to the left of him and sighed. He touched his hair, feeling the grease slick onto his fingers.

He really needed to shower. He hadn’t showered since he got here, and with how thick his hair was it was really starting to gross him out. He hated feeling greasy and grimy, but Roman hadn’t checked the bathroom for cameras yet and he refused to shower until he did. Though, he knew that was also just an excuse. Roman also felt too tired to take care of himself.

Just brush your teeth, he thought, they told you that if you can’t shower, at least brush your teeth. Greasy hair can be fixed, cavities are expensive.

He spit out the toothpaste into the sink and rinsed out his mouth. He grabbed some face wash and decided to use it as quickly as he could to hold back the gross feeling he felt. It would help him feel a little cleaner, at least. A little more presentable for the first day.

A loud bang came onto the door. “Roman, hurry up!” Virgil called out, “Some of us need to piss!”

“Just a second!” Roman vigorously splashed water on his face and quickly dried it with a towel, rushing out of the bathroom so that Virgil could run in. He sighed again, walking downstairs to wait on the couch until it was time to go.

“Alrighty, everyone got everything?” Patton eventually asked, making Roman crack open the eyes he didn’t even realize he closed. Patton smiled and clapped his hands together when his response was tired hums of agreement. “Perfect! To the car!”

All three kids bunched themselves together in the back of Patton’s car, Roman and Virgil at the window seats while poor Logan was squished in the middle. Roman squeezed his legs together so he could fit his backpack between Logan and himself, acting as a barrier so Logan couldn’t touch him. It was uncomfortable, but it was what Roman had to do.

“So, Roman, are you excited?” Patton asked, making Roman open his eyes again to look at Patton through the rearview mirror. Roman leaned his head against the window.

“More nervous. I’ve never been to a new school before.”

“Well, hopefully you can make lots of friends here! The school is pretty big, so there are certainly lots of options!” Patton laughed at himself and Roman closed his eyes again.

We’ll see about that.

Eventually, after a failed attempt of getting in some extra minutes of sleep before school, Roman felt the car come to a stop. He opened his eyes and looked out the window to see the front of the large school building, kids with smiling faces talking to each other as they walked inside while others looked tired yet excited. Roman wasn’t feeling it.

“Alright, kiddos, have fun!” Patton exclaimed, “Remember to check in with the office for your schedule, Roman!”

All the kids started to pile out of the car, grabbing their bags off the floor to rush inside. Once they were all out, Patton’s car drove away to head for work.

Roman looked at the building as Logan and Virgil walked inside. It seemed huge compared to his old school, where the county was much more rural than here. They still had twenty minutes until school started and kids were already swarming in from multiple entrances, both from the main entrance and other doors connected around the building. Roman walked inside and held his arms close to himself, desperate not to be shoved around by the other students.

The office was fairly easy to find, considering there was a giant sign over the door in bold, white letters reading Office. Roman opened the door and stepped inside to get in line, feeling a little bit better that he wasn’t the only student having first day issues. The line shrank very quickly until it was Roman’s turn to ask questions, being faced with an old lady who could either be very sweet or the rudest person in the building. Roman could never tell.

“Uh, I’m a new kid at this school, and my guardian told me to come here to get my schedule?” Roman asked.

“Name.” Okay, well, rude it was, then.

“Roman Goldsberry.”

The desk worker didn’t respond, only typed something on her computer and didn’t make eye contact. “Next door to your left of that entrance is the counselor’s office. Your counselor is Mrs. Walters and she’ll call for you shortly.”

“Okay, thank you.” Roman had never scurried out of an office so quickly in his life. So much for a great first impression.

In the other office, Roman sat on a waiting chair and awkwardly glanced at all the college items they had hung up on the walls, waiting until his name would be called. The school day hasn’t even started yet, what’s taking them so long?

Roman drummed his fingers on the armrest of his chair and waited. There was a lot of college stuff in this room. Granted, high school’s whole thing was trying to take you to college, his old school was the exact same. And he should really start thinking about that stuff since he’s a sophomore now. He only had two more years left after this, but it’s not like he could go anyway. He wasn’t even supposed to graduate high school, let alone college.

Besides, his dream was stupid anyway, so it didn’t matter.

“Roman Goldsberry?” A voice called out, taking Roman out of his thoughts. Roman stood up to follow the counselor into her office.

“I’m Mrs. Walters, and it’s nice to meet you Roman!” She said cheerily as she sat at her desk with Roman sitting right in front of her. “Your schedule was a bit last minute to pull together, but I tried my hardest based on your last school’s transcript and your test scores from last standardized testing. All I need is to schedule some extra electives for you. You have advanced English 12, advanced geometry, advanced biology, and world history. You can also choose Spanish 3 here if you wish to continue that. You also still need your gym credit, so you can take regular PE or strength training. I also have a list of other electives here if you want to look at that.”

“Yeah, I can look.” The counselor handed Roman a paper of all the electives organized by their subject. Well, Roman definitely wanted to continue Spanish, so that choice was easy. Strength training sounded like a fun way to do gym class with less dodgeballs to the face, but it was only a semester long, so he’d need to pick another semester class for the second half of the year. And he could join another painting or drawing class as his last elective, but he’d already taken those at his old school…

Roman gazed at the arts section of the packet, trying to find something he might like. His eyes lit up as he noticed the names of two classes: set design, which was a semester long and sounded magical, and something called sculpture. “What does the sculpture class teach?” Roman asked.

“It’s an art class that teaches you how to sculpt with different things. Like clay, wood, things like that. It’s a very hands-on class if you’re interested.”

Roman smiled. “I want that one then.”

The counselor typed something into her computer. “Have you chosen your other classes?”

“Yes, Spanish 3, set design, and strength training.”

“I’ll put you in strength training for this semester, but next semester you can join the set design class. I’ll email your elective teachers to inform them you’ll be joining their classes, but for now…” The counselor printed off a piece of paper and handed it to Roman. “This is your new schedule. Your first class is English with Ms. Fritz, and her class should be up on the third floor at room 316. Do you think you can make it there?”

“I can, thank you.”

The counselor smiled. “Have a nice first day.”

Roman walked off to head toward his first class, going up two flights of stairs and wandering across half the floor before he finally found his classroom. Thankfully, the halls were full of students desperately trying to locate their classrooms, so Roman didn’t feel as weird. He eventually stumbled upon the correct room number after checking multiple hallways and trying to follow their scattered number system. He looked at the door with a paper rabbit and a book with a phrase reading hop into a good book, and could guess immediately what type of teacher this would be.

Roman pushed open the half-cracked door and stepped inside.

The dozen kids who were already sitting stared at him when he walked in, but quickly resumed their conversations shortly after. Roman glanced at an empty seat off in the middle row near the other end of the class and moved to sit down in it. He looked around at the other kids off in their own worlds, with no one to get excited to see him and strike up a conversation. He was sitting alone in a class where it seemed like no one else was.

Roman got bored quickly with no one to talk to, drumming his fingers on the table and starting to daydream instead.

The long lost princess with the power to see into the future is forced to hide in protected wilderness, Roman thought, picking up from an old story idea he’s had for a while. Can’t have a teen novel without an orphan, so she lives with a guardian healer instead. Then, she needs a trusty companion to not only start her adventures, but to assist her alongside them. Perhaps he could be a peasant boy born with more magic power than the normal peasant has? It sure would be interesting. Or maybe, he’s not a trustworthy companion at all! What if he’s using the princess to promote his own selfish ideals? But as the story goes on, they actually become close friends and he has an intense internal conflict as he turns into the antagonist! Then maybe-

“Alright class, I think it’s been late enough for us to start!” Roman tried not to be aggravated at the teacher for interrupting him. The teacher stood at the front of the class with a wide smile. “I’m Ms. Fritz, but of course I’m sure a lot of you already know that since you had me last year. I teach all grade levels for advanced English, so if you keep down this path you might stick with me until graduation! Now normally, teachers will start their first day with class expectations, maybe a rubric or a supplies list, but I have a better idea! How about we travel across the class and try to get to know each other better? I can pass around a ball, and if you catch the ball, you have to share three fun facts about you!”

A sense of dread filled into Roman after hearing that. He usually didn’t mind games like this since it was a mindless way to pass the time, but he didn’t have any friends to pass him the ball anymore. Was he just going to sit there until the end? Sounded awkward, no thank you.

“I think,” Ms. Fritz said with her hand gripping her chin in thought, “I’m going to start with the new kid.”

Roman perked his head up as all the other kids turned to him. Well, that was unexpected.

Ms. Fritz tossed Roman the ball, and thankfully he caught it without making a fool of himself. The teacher smiled at him encouragingly as he stood up, looking around at all the kids waiting for him to talk. What should I even say?

“Can you say your name first?” Ms. Fritz asked.

“Well…I’m Roman. Uh, I like to paint, I’m half french, and…” Roman tried to think. What else was interesting about him? Something that shared a lot about him as a person?

Quickly, it dawned on him. One idea that I could possibly share, he thought. Well, it’s a bit invasive, but they’re all looking at me. So whatever.

He took a deep breath in. “…I’m a foster kid.”

When Roman admitted that, all the kids seemed to be more interested in him, leaning closer as their eyes widened. It was the first time Roman ever said it aloud, and it was so strange to hear coming from his mouth. He was a foster kid. That was an important part of his identity now.

He didn’t know how he felt about it.

“You’re half french?” Ms. Fritz pulled Roman out of his thoughts with that question. “Do you know any french?”

“I’m fluent.”

“That’s so cool! Can you say something in French for us?”

Roman seemed to think about it. “Quelque chose.”

Ms. Fritz blinked. “Well, I hope it was appropriate to say in a classroom. When did you move here, Roman?”

“Like…four days ago. Very recently.”

“You only got added to my roster last night, so I believe you! How about you pass the ball to another kid now?”

Roman looked around the room awkwardly before making eye contact with a random girl and tossing her the ball. He sat back down and only paid half his attention to what the other kids were saying. Well, at least he didn’t have to wait awkwardly anymore.

The rest of the class went like that. It seemed like a lot of these kids were students that Ms. Fritz had in the past, as well as being students that were also close friends with each other. They talked a lot and made lots of jokes with the teacher, and they seemed really close, which Roman understood since he was the same with his old group of advanced kids. The extra conversation dragged the game out longer than it probably should have been, but Roman didn’t mind. He didn’t want to actually work or anything anyway.

Eventually, the game ended, and the last kid tossed the ball to Ms. Fritz. “Alright,” she said, “That game dragged out longer than I thought it would, but that’s fine! The bells are shorter the first few days anyway. We only have a couple minutes left, so talk amongst yourself if you want, I don’t care. The assembly should be after your fourth bell for the sophomores, so don’t let your teachers forget!”

All the students turned around to talk to the kids around them. Roman simply watched their conversations with no one to talk to himself, realizing how all the new kids at his old school must have felt. It was like looking in from the outside, where no one else could see you. Roman was just…there.

“Hey,” the kid in front of him turned around to face Roman. Roman almost jumped at the sudden attention. “What’s your name again?”

“Oh, Roman. Roman Goldsberry.” Roman turned to sit properly in his seat and leaned in closer. This was a good start! He seems nice, maybe I can make a friend!

“Roman Goldsberry!” He mocked, turning to his other friends to laugh. “That’s such a pretentious name. And very American sounding, by the way. I thought you were French?”

Roman’s shoulders sagged. Nevermind. Eight in the morning on my first day, and apparently I’ve made an enemy before a friend. “I’m half french, not fully french.”

The kid turned to his friends and made a face at them before they all laughed. Roman felt his blood boil.

“So your dad is the American?” The kid asked.

“Yes.” Roman hoped his sharp tone would help them realize not to mess with him.

“Are you close with your dad?”

Roman froze, and the group of kids turned to each other to make faces at each other again. He really didn’t see what was so funny. Who asks a complete stranger a question like that out of the blue?

Before Roman could snap and tell the kid to mind his own damn business, another kid from the other side of the room scoffed. “Mitchell.”

“What? I’m just asking!”

The other kid opened their mouth to retaliate, but a loud and obnoxious bell went off before they could. Kids started to get up to rush to their next class, and Roman joined them. The sooner he got away from Mitchell (who had no right to bully Roman for his name when he was called Mitchell), the better.

Roman rushed out into the hall and hyper focused on the schedule in his hands. World history, room 203. The next floor down.

Roman was so occupied in trying to find a flight of stairs, he didn’t notice the kid trying to catch up to him.

***

The rest of Roman’s day wasn’t half as eventful as his first bell. History class had a chill teacher, which was nice, then next was his strength training class. His teacher was a little confused when he showed up but was happy to have Roman on board. He seemed very strict with his class rules though, and Roman hated that considering one of his rules was they had to change into gym clothes. Which meant Roman had to wear gym shorts.

…Well, guess he’d have to get used to wearing multiple pairs of boxers again.

Besides that, he also got lost on his way to sculpture, so he showed up ten minutes late telling this random teacher he was her student now. At least she didn’t seem bothered. After that, they all went to the sophomore assembly where they were told the school rules and updates, which Roman’s pretty sure he was the only kid who actually listened. Then, after the assembly, Roman went to the cafeteria to eat a lunch that Patton packed him. He hadn’t actually brought a packed lunch to school in years, so the sentiment was…strange.

Not that Roman would complain about an edible lunch, though.

Roman looked around the cafeteria for a place to sit. The place was starting to become crowded as more students got out of line for buying lunch, so Roman needed to find a spot fast. It’d be easier if he made a friend to sit with, but after the morning Mitchell incident, Roman hadn’t cared to try again in his other classes.

That’s when Roman spotted him. A kid with thick glasses eating a fruit cup as he worked on some papers next to him, completely ignoring the world to finish some homework. Roman wasn’t exactly close with his foster brothers, but hey, maybe Logan could prove himself a little useful. He had to be lonely too, right?

Roman took his chance and sat across from Logan. Logan didn’t look up from his papers. “Hey there, nerd!”

Logan glanced an eye toward Roman. He focused back on his work. “Hello.”

“How’s your first day of high school going?”

It took Logan a solid minute before he responded. “It’s going alright. I got unlucky with a teacher of mine, who already gave us a homework packet for the week, so I’m trying to get a head start on it.”

“Really? What teacher?”

“Mr. Owens, he’s the more strict teacher of the two that teach medical technology.”

Roman’s eyes widened. “Medical technology? That’s a class here?”

“Yes. I had to do a lot of things last year to get into it, however. It’s part of the intensive medical learning path. However, the extra work is necessary.”

“…Right. What other classes are you in?”

“Advanced biology, advanced geometry, advanced English, medical tech as I just mentioned, German 2, health, and painting.”

Roman tilted his head to the side. “Wait, I thought most of those were sophomore classes?”

“And I took freshman classes my eighth grade year. Your point?”

Roman blinked. “…Fair enough.”

Roman brought out his own sandwich and ate it in awkward silence. Logan seemed so focused on his paper that he wasn’t saying a word, and trying to spark conversation with him when he was like this was next to impossible. He felt like he was intruding by sitting next to Logan, the air feeling thick for a reason Roman couldn’t quite place. Once he finished his sandwich, Roman had enough.

“I think…” Roman said, “I’m going to sit…somewhere else.”

Logan didn’t react. “Alright.”

Roman stood up and awkwardly shuffled to an empty spot at a table on the other side of the cafeteria, placing down his lunch box and trying again. Well, he thought as he opened up a cheese stick wrapper, better get used to being alone, then.

“Hey, excuse me?”

Roman looked up at the voice while he was mid-bite. It was the same kid who scolded Mitchell back in his English class, tired circles under their eyes and a gray sweater on despite it being August. Though, Roman had been freezing in most of his classes today, so maybe this person had the right idea.

“Oh- I’m sorry, were you sitting here?” Roman asked.

“No, you’re fine, I just…” The kid looked side to side anxiously. “…Mind if I sit with you?”

“…Oh! No, I don’t mind at all.”

The kid smiled and set their lunchtray across from Roman. “Thanks. I’m Elliott by the way, they/them pronouns.”

Roman’s brain took a minute to process what they meant. “Uh, hello! I’m Roman…he/him?”

Elliott seemed to get happier when he said that. “Nice to meet you. How’s your first day been so far? Besides for you-know-who this morning.”

Roman laughed. “Well, aside from that uncalled for mess, it’s been quite normal. I got lost a few times, but that’s not new for me. My teachers seem quite alright so far.”

“That’s good to hear. We have a lot of good teachers, I think, unless they teach calculus, then they have some serious issues. But so long as you don’t act like an idiot it’s easy to get past those teachers.”

“I’ll keep that in mind! Hopefully I stay on this hot streak, though.” Roman took out a water bottle from his lunch and started to drink it. “But it’s the students I’m more worried about. They all seem so off on their own. Or just outright rude like that guy this morning.”

Elliott groaned, leaning his head on his hand and slouching. “I’m really sorry about him. He can be a huge jerk for no reason. I think he’s just itching for a fight.”

“You seem to know him quite well. Old friend or something?” Roman asked.

Elliott groaned again. “…He’s my ex.”

“…No offense to your type or anything, but…ew.”

“Oh no, yeah, dating him was definitely an ew,” Elliot sighed. “We broke up like, four times in the span of a year and a half. It was a mess. Eventually, over the summer I broke up with him for good. I think he’s still upset about that and taking it out on the first easy target he finds. That, and he’s a jerk.”

“Well, he’ll soon learn I’m not one to be described as an easy target.” Roman gave a cocky smile and posed.

The bell sounded off again, and all the students stood up from their tables and started to swarm the trash cans and cafeteria exits. Roman and Elliott gave each other a look as they also stood up.

“So…what class do you have next?” Elliott asked nervously.

“Let’s see…” Roman pulled out the schedule from his pocket and looked at it. “Advanced biology with Mr. Weber.”

Elliott’s eyes lit up. “Me too! Uh…wanna walk together then? I can show you where it is.”

Roman smiled. “Of course!”

The two kids headed down the stairs, talking more and laughing long after they sat down in the class and the bell rang. Roman continued to whisper to Elliott during class until the teacher gave them both a warning glance, shutting their mouths but smiling at each other.

Even as Roman tried to pay attention, he felt a weight lift from his chest.

He’d obtained a friend after all!

***

The entire bus drive home, Roman spent it texting Elliott’s number that they’d given him right after biology ended. He talked about his last two classes and listened to Elliott ramble about his bad luck with classmates this year, grinning to himself with his eyes glued to his screen until his stop came. Virgil banged his fist on Roman’s seat to get his attention, making him jump and stand up to get off with Virgil and Logan.

During the walk home, no one said anything. Roman was off in his own world and Virgil just looked tired, with Logan staring intently at his own shoes as he walked. Virgil unlocked the door for them all to come inside, and they all branched off into their different directions. Virgil got a snack from the kitchen while Roman and Logan ran up to their rooms.

Roman spent a lot of his time in his room now that he’d gotten the curtains around his bed. Lying there was a lot softer than hiding on the bathroom floor with his legs propped up, and Roman was still confused as to how he managed to get away with installing this. He’d have to make sure Patton never entered his room again in case he planned to rip the curtains off their hooks.

He’d have to make a plan to effectively keep him out.

But for now, Roman actually needed to talk to Patton as soon as possible. He needed to ask for gym clothes, since that was the only thing Roman still needed to get for class, and he wanted to get it over with so Roman wouldn’t need to keep worrying about it. He was almost certain Patton had come home half an hour ago, but Roman just ignored him and stayed in his room. But he had to take advantage of the fact that he was remembering to ask for the clothes, so there was no time like the present to go find him.

Roman hopped out of bed and exited his room, making his way downstairs to the living room. He figured Patton would be either watching TV or doing something in the kitchen, but when Roman looked around, he didn’t see him anywhere. Virgil was sprawled across the couch on his phone, but no one else was around. Roman put his hands on his hips.

“Where’s Patton?” He asked Virgil.

Virgil didn’t look up. “Upstairs. In his room I think.”

Roman groaned and stomped back upstairs. He hated going into an adult’s room, so he instead opened the door and poked his head in so he wouldn’t have to step inside. But before he could get a word out to Patton, Roman stopped himself.

Patton was sitting on his bed with the lights dimmed, his back resting in the headboard, but what shocked Roman was that Logan was there also. He had his face hidden in Patton’s neck as Patton rubbed his back and played with his hair, holding him tight to his chest while Logan sniffled. Roman had never seen Logan emote before, so watching him cry was…disturbing. Roman wanted to run over and rip Logan from Patton to protect him.

Patton looked at Roman in the doorway and smiled. “You gotta remember to knock before entering, kiddo. What do you need?”

Roman forgot the main reason he came here. “Is Logan okay?”

Patton looked down at Logan and whispered something in his ear. Whatever Patton said, Logan agreed with a quiet nod of his head. Patton rubbed at Logan’s neck in a way that made Roman’s skin crawl as Patton began to speak. “He’ll be okay, kiddo. He’s just a little overwhelmed from school today. Do you need anything?”

Roman took a step inside Patton’s bedroom. It made his whole body shift into fight or flight, but he couldn’t leave Logan alone with him in good conscience. “I just wanted to say I need to buy gym clothes by next Wednesday. I’m in a strength training class this semester.”

Patton smiled. “That’s fine, we can go shopping this weekend.”

Roman looked down at the floor. “Well…I was more thinking, like…I go into the store while you wait in the car.”

Patton raised an eyebrow at him. “I need to buy the clothes, kiddo.”

“You can just give me the money. I’ll stay within the budget and give you any left over, so…please?”

Patton’s face dropped a little, but he didn’t get angry, so Roman considered that a win. “Sure, kiddo. We’ll do that Sunday.”

Even after the conversation seemed to end, Roman still stood near the door, shifting on his feet awkwardly. Patton shifted his eyes between Logan and Roman as if he was analyzing both of their mental states, but Roman’s throat felt stuck as he tried to bring out the words he wanted to say. He was so scared, but he couldn’t force himself to ask the question he knew he needed to ask now. Yet his feet refused to make a run for it out the door despite his fear.

“Do you need something else, kiddo?” Patton lightly prompted. Roman attempted to swallow the rock he felt in his throat.

“Can I…Can I stay with you and Logan?” He hated it, but he had to do it. He didn’t know what Patton would try when Logan was vulnerable.

Patton looked down at Logan, and Logan nodded. Patton turned to smile again. “You can if you want, Logan doesn’t mind.”

Roman carefully walked to the other side of the bed, sitting as far as possible from Patton but keeping his eyes glued to Logan. He knew he wasn’t helping much, not saying a word and not even being close, but it was something Roman had to do. Just because him and Logan weren’t close didn’t mean he’d leave him in danger. Even if Roman felt stuck in his head and couldn’t find the power to move his arms.

Roman sat there for a while, watching Logan’s chest rise as Patton rubbed his back. It felt like ages before Logan’s chest slowed and he fell asleep on top of Patton, somehow not caring at all about being asleep in Patton’s presence. Roman’s heart ached for him. He was too trusting and innocent for his own good.

“I gotta do some chores,” Patton whispered, “So I’m gonna tuck him in and let him nap. Do you still wanna stay with him?”

Roman nodded, not being able to get the words out himself. He felt stuck as Patton lifted Logan up gently, petting his hair to soothe him when he stirred. Roman helped by tugging the covers back from his end of the bed so that Patton could tuck him in and let go of him sooner, his hand on the back of Logan’s leg making Roman anxious. Patton tucked Logan under the covers and watched his reaction. After a few seconds, Patton grabbed a squishy stuffed frog from his bedside table, handing it to Logan who curled around it in his sleep. It’d be cute if Roman wasn’t so worried.

“Tell me if anything happens, okay kiddo?” Patton said right as he was halfway out the bedroom door. Roman nodded, only finally relaxing after Patton left and slowly closed the door.

Roman immediately ran over to lock it. He didn’t have his security bar, but this would be good enough. Hopefully Patton wouldn’t test anything when he knew Roman would be by Logan’s side.

Despite all of Roman’s worries, Logan slept peacefully on the bed. He didn’t shift or seem distressed at all, just snuggling closer to Patton’s stuffed frog and resting. Logan was calm.

Roman sat on the floor to block the door and watched to make sure no one took that away from him.

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libraryofloveletters · 4 years ago

Note

so cute fic request. You are Maddie's OBGYN and at every appointment she insists to set you up with Buck, you deny her and finally one say yes just to be quiet and you meet what a great guy Buck is

The Set Up

Evan Buckley x Reader

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and doctors offices, reader wears makeup, alcohol and the consumption of

Category: Straight Up Fluff

Word Count: 2.6k

Author’s Note: here's a lil late v-day present for y’all :)

Part 2: Dispatch: Labour in Progress

----

“How does the baby look ?” Maddie was laid back, her eyes on the monitor. “Perfect, a perfect little baby�� you smile at her as you hand her a towel to wipe up the gel.

“How many copies would you like ?” you turn towards the ultrasound machine.

“As many as you'd give me” she laughed, pulling her shirt back down.

“Dad’s working ?” you asked, leaning back in the chair. “Yeah, he’s been trying to get off a day to come with me” she sits up, pulling out her phone.

Maddie was one of your favourite patients, she was a sweetheart and always happy, regardless of what was happening, you didn't know how she did it. She began showing you a few pictures of the nursery and two guys who were in the picture. The first guy was Chimney, who was the baby’s father and Maddie’s boyfriend, the two of you had met at a previous appointment and the other guy, who you hadn't meant yet but felt like you had, was her brother Evan or Buck, which is what he went by.

“You know, if you want to just come in one day when he's off work, we can just do a regular check-up just so he can see. It doesn’t have to be anything special for you to come in”

“You’d do that ?”

“Of course I would, between me and you, you’re my favourite patient”

Maddie smiled at you, “so,” she gave you a look, “since I am your favourite patient, would you also go on a date with Buck ?” she asked, you nearly choked on your coffee. Maddie had a habit of trying to set you up with her brother. She did it often but it still caught you off guard each time. You coughed, “Maddie, no.” you laughed, “that would be unprofessional”

“Oh come on, take a risk y/n. Life goes on and one date won't kill you”

“Who said I’m looking ?”

“Please, you are. You can't lie to me” she smiled, you shook your head. “Still a no Maddie” you handed her the copies of the ultrasound. “If you do want to do the ultrasound when he’s home, just give me a call” you smiled at her and she got up. “I will, thank you”

A few weeks later and Maddie was back in your office. “Good afternoon momma,” you were looking at the files as you walked in, pushing the door shut with your foot. Taking a seat on your little spinny chair, you look up when Maddie says good morning back to you.

“Oh Chimney, it’s nice to see you” you smile as you shake the gel bottle.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “it’s good to be here��

You hand him the gel bottle, he looked at you with brows furrowed. “You’re a paramedic, aren't you ? Go ahead” you chuckle as you turn the ultrasound machine on. “How are you feeling ?” you ask, “good actually, thanks for asking” Chim answers you.

“I’m glad to hear that but I was asking Maddie” Chim’s mouth forms an O and he nods, Maddie smiles at him. “I’m good, baby’s good too. Kicking a lot recently. Especially when I drink orange juice” she chuckled.

“And still just the one cup of coffee ?”

“Yeah, he won’t let me have anymore” she groans

“Good, as he should be. You’re lucky I agreed to the one cup Maddie, you know I rather if you didn’t”

“Ugh,” she groaned and rolled her eyes, “not you too”

“I’m your doctor, it's my job to remind you unfortunately”

Maddie sighs and rolls her eyes once again. You get what she meant, you couldn’t be pregnant and not have coffee, pregnancy is exhausting as it is, imagine it without coffee. “you know how to use an ultrasound machine right ?” you look over at Chimney, who was looking rather confused.

”I do, why ?”

“Would you like to do it ?”

“Really ?”

“Yeah, I let the dads have a chance to do it sometime. Makes them feel a little more involved”

“I'd love too”

You hand him the wand and step back, you watch as he rolls it across her belly. It was always sweet when the fathers came to the appointment, even more so when they're involved.

“Y/n?”

“Yes Maddie?”

“Will you go on a date with Buck ?” She smiled sweetly at you, Chim looked at her, half shocked and half confused.

“If I say yes to one date, will you quit bugging me about it ?”

“Of course, just one date is all I’m asking for”

“Does he know you’re setting him up ?”

“Yeah- well no ? but he won't mind. It's part of my job as his sister”

“Maddie, I have siblings as well, you don't see me setting them up”

“Yeah yeah, that’s fine”

Chim turned to you. “everything looks good doc”

“Then we’re all done. Just hit print on the machine and you’ll get the pictures”

Maddie wiped the gel off her stomach. She took a pen from the desk and scribbled a number down before handing the paper to you. “That’s his number, just message him”

“You’re setting me up and I have to message him too ?”

“Oh come on, you’ll be fine. Thank you for this and I'll be expecting details at my next appointment!” She gave you a smile before walking out. Chim looked at you, “I’m sorry I didn't know she was going to do that.” You laughed, “it's okay, she’s not the first person to do that. You should catch up with her though, she walks really fast for a pregnant lady” you chuckle, Chim smiled and walked out to find Maddie. You had some time to kill before your next appointment, you looked down at the paper in your hand.

Do you text or not ? Wouldn't that be creepy ? Like oh hey, I'm your sister’s doctor let's go on a date.

You know what ?

Screw it, what’s the worst that could happen.

To Buck: Hey, I'm y/n. Your sister gave me your number, hope this isn't weird. She's been trying to set me up with you for months, thought we’d hit it off haha

God that was so stupid. Why the hell did you put haha ?

From Buck: Hey, it’s cool. She’s weird like that. What’s up ?

Oh shit, he answered.

To Buck: Just at work, how about you ?

From Buck: Same thing

Wait what do I say now ? Do you ask him out ?

From Buck: Hope this isn't too forward of me or anything like that, but maybe you’d wanna grab a drink tonight ? Only if you’re free

Guess you don't have to ask him now

To Buck: Yeah, that sounds good. Pick a place and let me know ? I’m off at 4 so anytime after that is fine.

From Buck: I’m off at 6, how about 7 at the bar on Main Street ?

To Buck: sounds good, see you then

It was now 3:30 and Maddie was your last patient of the day. There was no harm in leaving now. After putting away your files and replying to a few emails from patients, you headed out. Only one issue you had when you got home was what to wear.

Well so you thought.

Taking a shower was the easy part, trying to do your hair and makeup with only 2 hours left, was a bit of a hassle. First disaster of the night was too much mousse in your hair, making it sticky and tacky. Washing it out, you managed to set it the way you like. The powder compact had fallen onto the floor, you hoped it wasn’t broken, turns out hope isn't enough. The other powder you had was far too light for your complexion right now and you decide against makeup for the night.

Let him meet the bare you, you can wow him next time, if there is a next time.

Deciding on a simple outfit, a white shirt that fit you nicely and a pair of black pants that went along with it. In your head, it seemed boring but in the mirror, it looked much better. Walking into the kitchen, there was a half drunk glass of wine from the night before.

Stale wine or nervous wreak ? Stale wine it is.

You down the wine, spilling some onto your shirt. “Are you kidding-” groaning and turning back to the room, you end up changing your entire outfit. A pair of blue jeans and a black top that fit you in all the right places. One more look in the mirror and a hand through your hair, you headed out the door.

It didn't take you long to arrive at the bar, as you only lived a few minutes off Main Street. You had seen Buck from the countless pictures Maddie had shown you so it didn’t take long to spot in at a table in the corner either.

“Hey” you walked over, a smile on your face. He stood up, “Hi! you must be y/n” he leaned in for a hug, you mirrored his actions. “I am, it’s nice to meet you”

The two of you sat across from each other and there was a bottle of beer in front of you. Buck spoke up when he noticed you noticing the bottle, “I ordered for you, I hope that's alright- you can order something else”

“It’s fine, thank you” you take a sip, not your usual choice in drink but you didn't need to complain either. There was some silence for a while, not uncomfortable but not comfortable either. Anyone that passed by could tell it was a first date, if you could even call it that.

“How do you know Maddie ?” he asks, you smile at him and take a sip of the beer before answering him.

“I’m her OB”

“Her ?” Buck had a confused expression on his face.

“Her doctor, her obstetrician actually”

“Oh for baby Buckley” he nodded.

“Yeah, she's been bugging me about you since we’ve met actually. She’s sweet but she’s persistent” you chuckle and Buck gives you a smile, “that’s my sister”

The night went by rather quickly, the two of you sharing work stories. Buck told you about the time he worked a full moon and they responded to a call at a yoga class only to have 3 women go into labour simultaneously.

“It was the full moon I swear! I tried to tell Bobby but he didn't listen to me!” he said, laughing.

You nodded and laughed too, “no, it’s true. I've had so many full moon babies. I never book off full moons because I know someone is going to go into labour”

“Thank you! Someone gets what I mean!”

You then told him about the time you filled in for your colleague, he told you it was supposed to be a regular birth but turns out it was quadruplets. It was nice to find someone who understood your weird work schedule. The two of you shared stories until the waitress came over to tell you that they’d be closing in a few minutes. It was a little past midnight when she came over, the two of you decided to call it a night and head out together.

“How are you getting home ?” he asked you, you walked with him over to his Jeep that was parked down the street. “I’ll just walk, I don’t live too far from here”

“No” he stated while shaking his head

“No ?” you questioned him, your brows furrowed as you looked at the man in front of you.

“I invited you out, at least let me take you home. It’s late too, it won't be right to let you walk home by yourself”

“Are you sure ? I don't want you to go out of your way”

“Oh no it’s cool, c’mon”

He opened the door for you like the gentlemen he is and then got in after. “Which way my darling ?” he gave you a cheesy smile which made you chuckle. “A left at the next light and the brown building is me” you leaned back in the seat. It was quiet as he drove down the street, you looked over at him and admired him. From the way his hand rested on his wheel to the little smile on his face, even to the birthmark above his eye.

“It's rude to stare”

“Can't help myself, you're pretty”

Oh shit, did you just-

Buck looked over at you, a wicked little smile on his face. “You think I’m pretty ?”

You could feel the blush on your face, “uh- well- um I guess ?”

“I think you more than guess that but whatever you say” he smiled

Buck pulled into the building parking lot, he stopped and his head hit the seat as he leant back. Looking over at you, “let me walk you up ?”

“You’ve already done enough, it's fine”

“It’s fine. Come on” he got out, you mirrored his actions. Buck followed behind you as the two of you made your way up to your apartment. Unlocking the door, you stepped in and he stood by the door.

“Do you want to come in ?” setting your keys on the counter, you look back at the man who was leaning against the doorframe.

“I’d love too but I've got the first shift. Maybe another time ?”

“Yeah, that’s fine” walking back over to him, you stood in front of him. Even with him leaning, he still towered over you.

“I had a nice time tonight” you say, he nods. “I did too. Maybe we can do this again sometime ?”

“I'd like that”

“Okay.” he smiles, “well, good night then y/n”

“Good night Buck” standing on your toes, you go to kiss his cheek but it seems he had the same idea, both of you turning your heads at the same time and your lips were on his. Buck’s hand cupped your face for the few moments your lips were on his. When you pulled away, Buck had a slight red tint on his face, a blush or simply could have been the heat coming from your apartment, either way you were sure you looked the same way.

“How does Saturday sound ? Noon for lunch if you’re free ?” he breaks the silence.

"Saturday sounds perfect”

Buck smiled at you once more, he turned and began walking back to the elevator. He stopped in the middle of the hallway, turning back once again and walked towards your door. He leaned down and gave you one more kiss. Laughing at the sweetheart that was now smiling at you from the other end of the hallway, you watched as he stepped on the elevator and then shut your door.

Outside of your building was a happy Buck who skipped his way over to his car, his keys twirling on his finger with a big grin on his face. As he got into his car, he sent his sister a text message.

To Maddie: You seem to know me better than I think, thank you.

Upstairs, there was a similar scene, a happy you skipping their way to bed with a smile on their face. As you laid in bed, you too sent a text message to Maddie.

To Maddie: Your match making efforts have worked, thank you.

----

taglist: @mrs-dr-reid @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @venusrosepetal @mikaelson-emma @beth-winchester21

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ashintheairlikesnow · 3 years ago

Text

Time Apart

CW: Trauma survivor, referenced noncon and assault, heavy internalized victim-blaming and self-loathing/anti-asexuality (Chris has serious issues from his conditioning around this)

(references events from this small series)

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

When Chris picks up his phone, it's not at all the message from Laken he expected to see. Not the kind of thing they've ever sent before.

He has to read it two times, then three. The letters swim and shake along with a dull pounding inside his head, but no matter how he tries to make them into other words - tell himself he must have misunderstood, must be missing something - they come back together the same in the end.

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

Each letter is as crisp and clean as a sterilized blade between each rib, one by one by one by one.

The words are a body blow. They're a hundred blows, beating him into a barely recognizable shattered shell of himself. It wasn't supposed to happen this way - it's been a bad few days, yeah, a bad week really, but until yesterday's fight it had never occurred to him that Laken might give up on him.

The fight was his fault, anyway.

He meant to apologize last night, but then Nova had come into his room, and he'd lost the rest of the night to lying next to Jake, trying to remember how to stop living inside his head again, how to stop being still.

He'd woke up this morning with his stomach doing butterfly flips inside him, nervous, but he'd really wanted to say he was sorry, for the fight, for all the weirdness lately. He'd wanted to apologize for being difficult.

Instead... he'd woken up to find a missed text from the night before, sent after he'd shoved Nova away but before he could stand to look at anything again.

I think you should spend time apart, not with me.

There it sits.

He hasn't unlocked his phone yet. Instead, he keeps tapping the button to light up the screen, looking at the message preview that has all he needs to see. Lets it go dark again. As if one of these times he'll click and it'll say something else.

But it doesn't,

It just says the same damn thing.

I think you should spend time apart.

Not with me.

He's still staring at it when another one comes in. He feels the soft pulse of his phone in his hand, and the screen lights on its own.

LAKEN - NOW Did you see my message?

He thinks maybe Kauri had it easier when he was the age Chris is now. Back when Kauri carried on entire conversations in emoji form, letting the nuance and ambiguity take over, the recipient working through the meaning on their own. With this, each letter is merciless, each word is unmistakable. He can’t misunderstand it.

Can he?

He opens the phone with shaking fingers, types back yes, presses send, and turns his phone off.

Then he throws it at the wall.

He’s grateful for the heavy plastic case that makes it bounce off and drop to the floor without breaking. There's a strip on the back, textured and a soft purple, gray, white, and black. He rubs his fingers over it sometimes in class to keep himself from rocking and being distracting.

Now he just... stares at it.

Laken bought that for him. They bought the shirt he's wearing right now-

He yanks it off his head before he can think, balls up the soft fabric and throws it as well. It just sort of drifts pointlessly to the floor, a single eyeball from the print of a band he likes staring back at him.

Laken has ranted before about people who break up by text message, and Chris has to breathe through a physical ache in his chest that tightens every muscle at how awful he must be that they're not doing this face to face. How awful, how used-up, how shredded apart, how fucking pretty he is.

After all, he and Laken have been together for more than a year, and he still held perfectly still for Nova to touch him before he remembered how to move. After all, he’s a grown man who still cried and fell apart when Jake was hurt. After all, after all, after all...

He scrambles across the floor for his phone again, turns it back on. Part of him hopes he’ll see a new text saying they take it back, they didn’t mean it. Or just asking him to apologize for what he’d said that night before, for how he’d thrown their confusion over his reaction to something back at them, echoing out the way Kauri fights sometimes, talking about himself the way he thinks everyone else might be thinking about him, so he says the insult first and no one else gets to surprise him with it.

But there’s nothing new.

He manages to open the texts again, barely, and breathes in gasps, nearly pants, as he types out, you don’t want me at your place?

Not right now.

Is it because of what I can’t do?

It takes them a minute to answer. Every single second ticks by with a slowness Chris hasn’t felt since his days in the cold white room, tied down to stillness, forced to endure every minute that passed in perfect silence or to the soundtrack of his own tears and pleading for it to stop.

When they do respond, it’s just, it’s because of what you won’t do.

His breath catches in his throat. The ache in his head starts to pound harder, and he has to close his eyes against a sharp stab behind them.

What he won’t do.

They’ve never cared before. How-... how could they suddenly care now? The fight had only a little bit been about that, it’d really been about something else. About his nightmares, how he’s not sleeping, not seeing his friends, skipping therapy. It hadn’t even been about... that. About what Chris can do and what he can’t, in bed.

But that was the thing - the fight had started when Chris had flinched back from Laken’s touch to his back, and snapped at them, and accused them of wanting too much, and...

And now this.

It’s like they knew about Nova. Knew that he could be good just fine - better than fine, Handler Petrus said he was one of the best he’d ever worked with once - he just... wouldn’t. Won’t. Doesn’t want to. Never wanted to.

Can’t do it without tearing himself to pieces all over again.

It was always a scream inside his mind, but should he have pushed it down and tried harder to be more like everyone else? Is he losing Laken because of it? Did Nova pick up on something Chris himself doesn’t know?

Should he have... tried?

Even if it hurt?

He drops the phone again, then kicks it viciously under his bed, listening to the scrape of it sliding across the floor, the thump as it hits the wall. He hears it vibrate again, but this time he doesn’t care what Laken has to say.

They’ve said enough.

He understands.

Part of him expected this eventually.

He leaves the room, doesn’t bother to pull on his compression shirt, even. He lets his skin prickle bare and exposed to the air. He accepts the discomfort, the uneasy feeling of being too seen, too felt.

The house is quiet, this early.

He makes himself toast with butter, wincing at the scrape of the knife against the crisp bread, the sound boring into his ears. But eventually it’s done, and he slumps into a chair at the kitchen table, willing himself to cry. Somehow, the tears just... don’t happen.

He can hear Jake snoring softly from the living room. He’d been up with Chris until nearly 4 am, then Chris was awake again at 6:30, looking at that text, looking over and over and over again. Two hours of sleep leave him weirdly euphoric alongside his despair. Like he’s floating in some nightmare place that isn’t awake and isn’t sleeping, either.

He’s probably slept nine hours in three days at this point. He keeps seeing Jake with a knife sticking out of him every time he closes his eyes. Jake, screaming as Antoni pushed cloth into his wound to stop up the bleeding. Jake with a bullet wound, sitting up against the wall, staring at him with wide eyes whispering, It’s okay, Tristan, I love you, it’s okay as he dies.

He can’t sleep. He can’t leave for long. He can’t breathe. He can’t think.

Him being what he is, it’s the reason Jake is hurt. If he hadn’t been his brother, he wouldn’t have decided to run a house for Romantics, and he wouldn’t have ended up dealing with all the dangerous bits about them.

Jake said it himself, didn’t he? It’s a mistake, running a house for Romantics. Not his best idea. A mistake.

Chris is a mistake.

Him being weak, and cowardly... it’s hurting Jake, making his life harder.

He makes everyone’s life harder.

There’s a soft sound of footsteps behind him, and he turns to find Nova in the doorway, staring back. She’s in a sleeveless gray dress and has her long dark hair pulled back from her temples, spilling in a waterfall down her back. Her eyes are dark and fathomless, and she gives him a faint, slight smile.

She had smiled like that with one hand down his pants.

Chris turns around, too fast, his head spinning a little, and hunches over his toast. “Good... good, um, good morning,” He mumbles.

She clears her throat. “Morning. Chris, about-... about last night...”

“Don’t, um, don’t-... don’t don’t don’t worry about it.” He takes a breath. He doesn’t want his toast any longer.

“I’m sorry,” She says, simply. “I spoke to Sarita about it, and... and she said this happens with us, and I should apologize, but, um. So I am. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-... I thought I was helping.”

“I... know you did.” His words are slowing down. Chris can’t hold on to his thoughts, they want to drift away somewhere else, somewhere safer. Somewhere darker.

“When I was with-... with my Miss, she would always say, if you are sad the best way to fix it is to make your body forget that feeling, replace it with something else. And that was what we replaced my sadness with. So, you were sad and upset, and I thought I could fix it that way.” She pauses, flushing a little, looking down and to the side as she moves with effortless grace to get a glass and fill it with water, take a small sip.

“Kauri used to... to do that,” Chris says after a pause, thinking about it. Kauri, who would show up in the small hours of the morning reeking of liquor and someone else’s cologne, or just didn’t show up at all. Kauri, who would laugh instead of crying, and laugh with someone’s arms around him, a guy whose name he didn’t know.

Kauri, who ran and ran and ran and can do things and be things that Chris can’t.

Or... won’t.

What if he’s been hurting Laken this whole time and didn’t know it, because he was already hurt himself?

His foot starts to tap tap tap on the floor until he stops it.

“Did he? Did it-... work for him?” Nova asks it with genuine curiosity, and her eyes are so pretty. He looks up at her, and then down again, pushing the plate of toast away from himself.

“I don’t know,” Chris whispers. “I, I don’t know. He’s happy now, but...”

“Was he happy then?”

“No. But, but, but... maybe we aren’t supposed to be. At least... not with, with anyone... who isn’t like us.”

“Jake isn’t like us,” Nova points out. Her presence in the room feels heavy, like a weight pushing down on him. But what does it matter? He’s not with Laken anymore, anyway. If he wanted to, he could stand right up and kiss Nova right now, press her back into the counter, and learn what it’s like to be the one doing things and not just having them done to him.

But his body doesn’t stir at the thought. It never has.

“He is,” Chris answers. “A, a little bit. I’m, I’m, I’m sorry, too, Nova. Sorry that I-I can’t.”

“No, I know. You have a partner, and I shouldn’t have-”

“I don’t have... I, I, I I don’t have a partner anymore.” Chris stands up, leaving her there with his plate of untouched toast. The sky outside is bright as the sun rises, as if mocking the way he feels like a stormcloud inside.

Nova watches him leave, and whispers to herself, “No partner?”

Chris goes outside, pulling a sweatshirt that hangs on the coatrack on over his head to protect his skin, curling up on the porch swing and watching cars pulling out of driveways as the neighborhood starts to head to work in ones and twos.

He doesn’t cry.

He sits very, very still, and he is silent.

Upstairs, under the bed, his phone vibrates, again and again, unnoticed.

Just go talk to Nat, Chris. That’s all I said. Just go see Nat and get a night or three away from the house. Being there all the time is overwhelming you. Are you even looking at these? Chris you can’t just ignore me every time I say something you don’t like Chris answer me ... ... Oh shit, Chris, my phone autocorrected earlier and I didn’t notice I meant “some time at Nat’s”, not apart Chris? Are you seeing my messages? Baby? Chris, please check your phone and answer me. Please.

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @whumpfigure @astrobly @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears

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watchyourbluesturngolden · 4 years ago

Note

omg you should write about stevie crying and being upset when she sees her daddy without all his tattoos ! she would think he’d look soo weird 😩

i LOVE this concept omg

you look naked

warnings: none

word count: 2.3k

"I'm gonna be home late again today," Harry sighed as he splashed some milk into his coffee. There had been an abundance of days like this since he started working on Don't Worry Darling. Most days, he left the house before 8 AM and didn't get home until after 9 that night. "I'm so sorry it's been like this so much lately. I know it hasn't been easy here, but it should only be a few more-"

"It's ok," you reassured him, stepping closer to lean against him. "I get it. I'm not upset with you or anything, I just wish I got to see more of you."

"I know," he sighed again. "I hate not being able to see you and Stevie. At this rate, she's going to forget about me."

"She's not going to forget about you," you smiled. "She loves you way too much for that."

"Yeah, but I see her, what? Three hours every week?"

"Well, now you're just being dramatic. You might not see her on the weekdays, but you're home all day on the weekends. And, like you said, it's only a few more weeks, maybe a month? Right?"

"Right," he said, tilting his head to rest it on top of yours. "And once it's over, I have nothing planned for the next 6 months, at least. I'm just going to stay home and spend time with my girls."

"I'm already excited," you grinned. "I'm going to paint your nails every single day."

One thing you really didn't like about him being an actor was how little freedom he had with his personal style. There was no point doing things like nail polish, because that would just be another thing he had to sit through the removal of before they shot every day.

"Can't wait," he smiled, leaning down to peck your lips. "And I'm going to spend some quality bonding time with Stevie. I can't believe she's almost a year old," he mused with wonder in his voice. "It goes by way too fast."

"It does," you agreed, leaning down to take a sip of his coffee. You tipped the cup to your lips, only moving back when he frowned playfully.

"That's enough, I need my sustenance," he pouted.

"Sorry," you grinned. "How about this instead?"

You leaned up on your tiptoes, bracing your hands against his shoulders. You hovered your lips above his, keeping them a hair's width apart before you whispered quietly.

"How's this for sustenance?"

You pressed your lips to his in a tender movement, leaning into him more as you wrapped your arms around his neck. He sighed against you, blindly reaching back to set his coffee cup down before his hands returned to you, pressing against your cheeks to hold you closer to him.

After a few long moments, he pulled away. You chased his lips, not missing his small grin as he leaned back in for a few quick pecks. He didn't let go of your face, instead leaning his forehead against yours and breathing quietly in time with you.

"Better than coffee," he smiled, his lips just barely brushing against yours as he spoke.

"Yeah?" you grinned back, your arms still slung over his neck.

"Mhm," he sighed one last time before pulling away and glancing at the clock. "But I really have to get going."

"Ok," you offered a small smile, trying to remind him that you weren't upset with this. You knew when he took this role that things would be a little hectic; and you had both agreed it would be ok. You thought he was taking this harder than you were, honestly. For the most part, you and Stevie had settled into a rhythm and you weren't too overwhelmed. You could tell Harry still felt bad for leaving you alone with her every day, but you did everything you could to reassure him that it was really just fine.

"I'll text you whenever I can," he promised, drinking the last few sips of his coffee as he stepped towards the door. You nodded, turning to wipe off the countertop before you would settle into the couch for a little alone time. You normally had about half an hour between Harry leaving and Stevie waking up. A few precious moments where your time was completely your own.

Not this morning, though. Before he even got the door open, your last bits of conversation were cut off by a loud wail coming through the baby monitor.

"Well, sounds like she's up," You offered a small smile to Harry, throwing the rag back into the sink. "Have a good day, baby," you stepped out of the kitchen, making your way towards the cries that were increasing in volume.

"I'm coming, Stevie," you said.

"Y/N!" Harry called from the kitchen.

"What?"

He didn't answer, but soon you heard his heavy footsteps coming down the hall.

"I wanted to see her before I go," he smiled, looking almost shy. "I don't usually get to, but since she's awake..."

"Yeah, of course," you smiled back, taking his hand and leading him to the nursery.

"Stevie, look who's here," you said softly, flicking on the light in the baby's room. "Daddy's here, he wants to say good morning."

Stevie's crying had stopped, replaced by a happy smile when she saw her mom and dad.

“Hi!” she said, giggling excitedly. She knew three words: mama, dada, and hi. She used these words very frequently, especially hi. It was her favorite thing to say.

Harry reached down to her, pulling her up and lifting her up above his head. She laughed again, kicking her legs as he looked up at her.

"Good morning, princess!" He seemed just as excited as her, if not more. Your heart felt like it was going to burst from how sweet this moment was. "I missed you while you were sleeping," he brought her back down, nuzzling his nose into her cheek. She giggled and squirmed away, hiding her face against him. "What's that? You missed me too? Yeah, I figured," he grinned, turning to you. "Hear that, baby? She missed me while she was sleeping."

"I'm sure," you smiled, leaning against the dresser as you watched the sweet moment unfold. Harry continued talking to her like she understood everything, and in turn he acted like he could understand her babbling in response.

"Really? I can't believe you went to the zoo in your dream! We'll have to do that sometime soon, hm?" he bounced her a bit, completely focused on her little face.

After a few minutes, he turned back to you.

"I don't want to go to today," he said, as if he was already contemplating calling in sick. 'Do you think they would be that mad if I didn't go today?"

"Yes, Harry," you said, stepping closer to reach for Stevie. "You have to go. But it's ok, because it'll go by fast, and then you can come home and see us again."

"But she'll be sleeping," he nearly whined.

"You can come in and say goodnight. She falls back asleep pretty easy these days, so I don't mind if you wake her up for a few minutes."

"Really?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes," you laughed. "But in order to come home to us, you have to go somewhere first."

"Right!" he was already halfway out the door.

"Love you, baby. Love you, Stevie," he blew two kisses at you before he stepped into the hallway.

"Love you too, baby," you held up Stevie's small hand to catch the kisses he left.

"Alright, miss Stevie," you bounced the baby on your hip. "What should we do today?"

-----

"Why are you so fussy today, hm?" You questioned the baby, rocking her gently to try and calm her down. "I thought you'd be happy since you got to see daddy this morning, but apparently not."

It was almost like getting to see him for a few minutes upset her more than if she hadn't been able to at all. Like she missed him more since she got to see him, only to have him leave.

"He'll be home soon," you said gently, bouncing her small body. "Then we can all cuddle together. How's that sound?"

She babbled through her tears in response.

"Not quite sure what that means, but I'll take it as excitement."

Before you could move to find something else to distract her, your phone rang. You reached to grab it, shushing Stevie as she cried more.

"Hi baby!" you smiled, holding the phone to your ear.

"Hi," he answered, and you could almost hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. "Why's she crying?"

"I think she misses you," you sighed, rocking the chair more. "Here, talk to her, see if she calms down." You put the phone on speaker, holding it away from you so Stevie would be able to hear him.

"Hi lovie!" Harry's excited voice came through the speaker. Stevie's fussing quieted immediately and she started at the phone. "Are you being fussy today?"

Stevie babbled in response.

"That means yes," you chimed in, laughing lightly.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'll be home soon, though, and then we can snuggle together."

"I already told her that," you smiled at Stevie, who was still completely fascinated by Harry's voice. "Shockingly, the 9 month old isn't very patient."

"Well, why don't you come see me right now?"

"What?"

"Yeah, we're having some sound issues so we're all just sitting around right now. I don't think anyone would mind if you came to visit for an hour or so?" He paused for a moment and you heard muffled voices in the background. "Everyone here's fine with it, and they'd love to see both of you."

You weren't so sure about this offer. Stevie was notoriously difficult to dress and get ready quickly, and she was definitely not a fan of car rides. But it was only ten minutes away, and she could probably just stay in the onesie she was already wearing, and Harry sounded like he really wanted to see you...

"Ok, we'll be there in half an hour," you decided, standing up.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna go so I can get dressed. Do I need to bring anything?"

"Nope, just you and my beautiful baby," he said. You could tell he was practically bursting with excitement.

"Ok, she's not happy that I've gotten up, so I'm gonna go. Hopefully I can calm her down before we get there. I don't think anyone would appreciate me bringing a screaming child onto the premises."

"Sounds good," he laughed. "See you soon. Love you. Love you, Stevie!"

"Bye, love you," you smiled back before ending the call. "Come on Stevie, we're going on an adventure."

-----

"Guess who's here?" You approached Harry's chair from behind, carrying Stevie in one arm and the diaper bag in the other.

Harry was sitting in one of those fancy director's chairs, with his name printed across the back. He spun around at the sound of your voice, his entire face lighting up when he saw you and Stevie. He stood up, moving around the chair to step closer to you.

He was only wearing a pair of black sweatpants, and it was one of the weirdest sights you had ever seen. Not because of the lack of a shirt, but because the lack of tattoos. They had been completely covered. Completely. He looked...

"Oh my god, you look naked," you said in an astounded tone, stepping back to stare at his torso.

He let out a loud laugh, dropping his head.

"That's what I thought the first time I looked in a mirror," he grinned. "I haven't been without any tattoos since I was 17."

"Weird," you repeated, unable to drag your eyes away from his clean skin.

"Thanks," he smiled.

You blushed a bit, finally pulling your eyes away to look up at him.

"Anyways, it's nice to see you. I don't like waiting until the end of the day."

"Me neither," he said, stepping closer. "And how's my baby girl?" he reached out for Stevie, who had been staring at him just as intensely as you had.

Before you could hand her off to him, her face screwed up in confusion and she began to cry again.

"No, bug, don't cry!" you said, bouncing her again. "We came to see daddy! Come on, why are you fussing again?" She kept staring at Harry, not relenting her loud cries.

You held her out to Harry, hoping that maybe he would be able to calm her down, but she only cried harder when you did. She turned away from him, hiding her face in your shoulder.

"Harry, your naked skin is scaring her!" you scolded playfully.

He laughed in surprise, looking down at his arm. "I think you're right. She's only ever seen my arms with all the ink, so she probably think's it's pretty weird. I'll... I'll go find a jacket or something."

He turned away, leaving you to deal with Stevie who was still crying quietly. After she calmed down a bit, you settled into Harry's chair so you could look around with her.

Soon, you were approached by a group of Harry's coworkers, who were all very excited to see Stevie.

You answered a whole slew of questions, smiling and offering statements like "she's 9 months" and "yes, she is growing very fast!" and "yes, she did get Harry's dimples". Stevie was loving the attention. She was smiling and babbling and saying "hi" to everyone who looked at her.

Harry came back wearing a black hoodie. He approached cautiously, not sure if Stevie would still be upset. To both of your delight, she seemed to think everything was back to normal. She reached her small arms out to him, and his face lit up as he took her from you.

"Hi," Stevie said, smiling brightly.

"Hi bug," he grinned back, kissing her cheek. "I missed you and mommy. Did you miss me?"

She babbled in response.

"That means yes," you offered, and he grinned at you.

#Harry Styles #harry fanfiction #dad!harry #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x you fanfiction #harry styles x reader fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles/you #harry styles/reader #harry styles/reader fanfiction #harry styles/you fanfiction #one direction #one direction fanfiction #stevie #stevie fics

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missymurphy1985 · 3 years ago

Text

Out of the Blue

*This was a request*

Warnings - smut / unplanned pregnancy / talk of abortion

I've used a fictional family for Cillian for this, names have been changed.

"That's it then," Cillian sighed, reading the letter from his solicitor, his friend Adam sitting opposite him in the kitchen of Cillian's new apartment in North Dublin. The Decree Nisi, his divorce from Kate now final. He felt a tinge of sadness, he couldn't help it, they'd spent most of their lives together and shared two teenage boys, but he couldn't forgive her cheating on him while he was away filming, the trust had left him completely.

"To a fresh start, Cill." Adam raised his bottle of beer to Cillian's pint of Guinness as they toasted, Ada ln trying to lighten the darkness in his best friend's eyes. "You're better off without her - now you can move on."

"Yeah no thanks, I'm done with women for a LONG time Ad, they're all the fucking same!" Cillian smiled, almost a laugh. "All I'm interested in now is the boys, they've been through one hell of a rollercoaster this last year."

"When are they coming to stay?"

"Tomorrow afternoon, I've got them all weekend."

"Then tonight Mr Murphy I am taking you OUT! Come on, we can go check out that new bar in the city, there's a band on!" Cillian groaned, that was not his plan for this evening. All he wanted was his pyjamas, a good book and an early night. This wasn't lost on Adam. "I'm not taking no for an answer here, come on! It's been months since you went out, let's do this!"

"Adam please... Not tonight yeah? Maybe next week, or.."

"Enough! No! You're not moping any more, I'm taking to out and that's the end of it." Cillian rolled his eyes. Fuck it, arguing with Adam was pointless, he'd known this since high school.

Within an hour they were ready, both of them in jeans and Timberland boots, Cillian in a blue striped t shirt and Adam in a green one. Hair fixed, they headed out to the waiting taxi outside.

"The first sign of someone trying to take my picture, I'm out of there Adam..." Cillian dreaded the thought of being papped out on the town following his divorce. The papers just wanted a scoop on who he'd be sleeping with now he was freshly single and available. Adam nodded in agreement a deal, as the taxi pulled outside the bar.

******************************

Y/n woke up, her head pounding. Opening her eyes she looked around at her surroundings, not recognising a single thing.

"The fuck have you done this time y/n..." You groaned, rolling your eyes and sitting up gingerly, trying to stop the contents of your stomach from evacuating violently over the unfamiliar bedsheets. Glancing at the alarm clock, you groaned again. 8am... Why the hell was it so damn early.. and where the fuck was she?? She heard a door downstairs open and close, and froze. She wasn't alone. Footsteps up the stairs, she quickly hid back under the covers pretending to be asleep as she heard the bedroom door open and the pressure on the side of the bed as someone sat down next to her sleeping body.

"Hey.. you awake?" An Irish voice filled the silence, as the smell of fresh coffee found its way under the duvet you were hiding under. Clenching your eyes tightly together, you slowly pulled the duvet back and opened them, seeing the man you clearly spent the previous evening with. Your eyes found his.. my god they were so blue.. he was handsome.. bit older than you, maybe? You couldn't tell for sure. You definitely recognised him from somewhere other than last night though, maybe he went to uni with you?

"Um... Morning.. I uh -" you sat up, taking the coffee from his hand, thanking him.

"Did we -"

"Did we.."

You both spoke at the same time. Clearly neither of you remembering the night before. You smiled, he smiled, before you both burst out laughing.

"Fucking hell, how wasted were we? We can't even remember if we had sex or not? I've NEVER been that drunk.. listen I'm sorry, this isn't exactly a great morning after huh?" He took a sip of his coffee, blushing slightly.

"Hey this is not something I do regularly okay.." he shook his head agreeing, neither did he.

"Cillian." He offered you his hand to shake, still smirking. "Listen if you can't remember if we had sex, you definitely can't remember my name..." Your turn to blush now.

"Y/n. And no. I definitely don't remember. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm still fully clothed? I don't think we had sex then redressed, do you?" You laughed, showing him you were still wearing the top and jeans you had on last night.

The pair of you laughed in relief.. eyes meeting again as the tension finally left the room.

"I can drive you home whenever you're ready y/n. If you need to get back?" Cillian offered.

"Erm.. oh yeah.. that'd be great, thank you.. listen, would it be cheeky to ask for a shower, or..."

"Hey, no not at all! Just through there," he pointed to his en suite. "I'll fetch you a towel, take your time."

You smiled. Those beautiful blue eyes were captivating you completely, you couldn't drag your own eyes away. He couldn't take his own from yours either, that tension was back, but it was a different kind of tension this time. Neither of you could remember how you got here, but neither of you minded that it had happened.

"You.. I'll go have that shower, yeah?" You moved to stand but stumbled slightly, landing closer to Cillian. He didn't move. Your face was now a mere few inches from his. Those eyes, once again never leaving yours. Your core burned, glancing down you saw the obvious excitement in his trousers, causing you to groan quietly.

He leaned in slowly, lips brushing yours carefully. You couldn't stop yourself kissing him back, within seconds the kiss becoming heated, tongues colliding. He leaned you back down onto the bed, moving his body to cover your own. You couldn't stop yourself, it was as if you were moving in autopilot, everything inside your core was on fire, demanding more of this incredible man immediately.

He stopped kissing you and hovered over your face, rubbing his nose against yours.

"Are you sure about this y/n?" You nodded, and kissed him again hungrily, parting your legs as he fell between them, grinding his own hips against yours. You could feel his hard-on, and you bucked your hips against his.

"Please... Don't stop now... I need this.. even if I never see you again after this Cill, just let me.."

"Baby I don't do one night stands... I'm taking you for breakfast as soon as we're done. Deal?" You smiled, no that was probably a grin. Breakfast sounded damn good right now, but not as good as he'd feel buried inside you.

"Deal. Now fuck me.. please?"

"Your wish is my command." Clothes removed, he grabbed a condom from his jeans pocket (Adam bought them the night before, he remembered that part at least, him slipping a couple into his jeans pocket as Cillian protested he wasn't going to sleep with anyone that night anyway...) Slipping it on, he pushed himself inside you, filling you completely.

"Fuck... Cillian that's fucking it..." You raised your hips with each thrust, he buried his face into your neck, biting the skin and sucking it slightly. You could hear him moaning into your collarbone.

"Shit you feel good... So fucking tight y/n..."

"Harder... Cillian, harder..." Your nails scratched down his back - if he was marking you, you were absolutely marking him in return. His thrusts now came hard and fast, as your walls clenched around him, your body finding that sweet release you needed, you hands pulling his hair hard. He came immediately after you, with a low moan into your hair as he pulled it in return, both of you panting trying to catch your breath.

"Shit me... I wasn't expecting that.." Cillian eased himself out, catching the condom before throwing it on the floor by the bed. Collapsing next to you, he turned to face you.

"I'm sorry... I don't even know you and I'm fucking you.. this isn't me y/n, I mean it, I don't do this, I've NEVER done this before."

"Hey, you've never had a one time thing? Seriously?"

"I was married for 20years until last night y/n!" He laughed, causing you to smile too. Suddenly your smile dropped a little.

"How old are you? If you don't mind me asking.."

"42. You?"

"If I tell you, don't freak out yeah?"

"Y/n I know you're younger okay, just tell me. It's okay."

"24." His eyes widened, was that in horror? Shock? Disgust? You couldn't tell but it didn't look good...

"24?? Shit me... The press are gonna have a field day with this..." You sat up, suddenly extremely self conscious. Age was never an issue for you, you actually preferred an older man, but it clearly bothered him.

"The press?" You asked, confused. "Why on earth would they be bothered?"

Cillian looked at you. You looked back at him completely deadpan. Shit, you were serious.

"Google me. Cillian Murphy." You reached into your jeans pocket for your phone and typed his name.

"Oh shit..."

**********************************

"Y/n, you still with me?" Cillians voice floated through the screen, knocking you from your daydream. Filming over in England for Peaky Blinders, Skype calls were your norm now.

"What? Shit sorry, baby, I was in a world of my own then! What did you say?"

"I asked if that delivery had arrived from Amazon, those books I ordered? You ok?"

"What books? Oh, those.. erm yeah I think so, something arrived for you earlier anyway, I left it on the kitchen side for you for when you get home next week. At least I think I did..."

"What's going on with you? Are you okay? You haven't been yourself for a few days now, forgetting things? You left your keys at work the other day, your phone in your friend's car.. what's going on?" Truth be told, you had no idea. Since your chest infection four months ago, you'd lost the ability to adult. You and Cillian had moved into a new home on the outskirts of Dublin 4 months ago, that morning after being the start of a blossoming romance, that led to you moving in together within the space of 6 months. Everyone had something to say, especially his ex wife who was still telling everyone who'd listen that you were obviously sleeping together while Cillian was still married, obviously he traded her in for a younger model, obviously blah, blah, blah... Never mind the fact that SHE cheated on HIM, no mention of that... Luckily your friends and family saw past all of it, and welcomed the new relationship - seeing how good you two fitted together, it wasn't hard to see why. You were the gin to his tonic, exactly what you both needed without you knowing you needed it. But these last few months, you'd felt completely spaced out - not even you could deny it.

"That chest infection really knocked the wind out my sales Cill, I haven't been right since! My mind's gone to absolute mush! Maybe I'm just run down, I've got the rest of the week off now so I'll get some rest, I promise."

"Maybe book a doctor's appointment y/n, you should be over this by now, you took all your antibiotics, yeah?"

"Yep, every one, right on time. Babe I'm so tired! I can't explain it!"

"Hit the sack babe, get an early one. I'll call you tomorrow. Don't forget to make that appointment okay?" You agreed, eyes growing heavy. You told each other I love you before closing the call and heading straight to bed.

You left the doctor's appointment the following day with tears in your eyes. This couldn't be happening... You took out your phone to call Serena, your best friend.

Approaching her front door, she opened it and immediately held you as sobs racked your body. Taking you inside away from any prying paparazzi, she put the kettle on.

"He's gonna kill me Serena... This isn't supposed to happen! We agreed - this wasn't part of our plan!! What am I going to do? How could I have been so stupid?"

"This isn't your fault y/n.. and he is not going to kill you, okay?" Nausea overcame you and you ran to her downstairs toilet, your breakfast evacuating violently into the toilet bowl. Serena made you a glass of water. Your phone vibrated, Cillian's name appearing on the screen. You ignored it. Again. Three times he'd called, three times you ignored it.

"You have to tell him sooner or later, y/n..." Serena was at the door, glass of water in hand.

"How? How exactly do I tell the man who is adamant he wants no more children that I'm fucking pregnant Serena? And I'm already 13 weeks gone? How did I not know?" Sobs overcame you again, your phone vibrating a fourth time. This time, a voicemail was left. Shakily, you listened to it.

"Y/n what the fuck? Call me. Call me right now." He didn't sound happy - from just a few missed calls, that was a bit extreme! Once you'd calmed down, Serena left you alone in her kitchen while you called him back via WhatsApp, hands still shaking.

"Baby, what's going on?? Paul's just shown me a photo on Twitter of you leaving the doctors with tears in you eyes, what the hell is happening?" You cursed yourself.. fucking photographers everywhere!

"Babe, are you alone? And sitting down? Put your phone on video call." He did as you asked and you saw his panic-stricken face fill the screen as you settled your phone on the counter. He saw your pale, tear-stained face and turned a shade of white.

"Y/n what is it?"

"I went to the doctor's -"

"I know that, y/n..."

"Look, this is easier if you don't interrupt me, yeah?" He nodded an apology and sat back, arms folded. "So that chest infection.. I had to take antibiotics. And it would appear that antibiotics... Well.. they render the pill completely useless and -" his eyes widened as he listened to you.

"The fuck are you saying y/n?"

"I'm pregnant, Cillian. 13 weeks." You closed your eyes, waiting for him to scream at you. Shout at you. Curse you. But he said nothing. Silence. Complete radio silence. You opened your eyes, tears threatening to fall any second. "Well fucking say something Cill!"

"I... I don't... Fuck y/n... This is a joke, right? You're joking? It's April 1st and you're having me on, yeah?"

"No, Cillian, it's July 15th and I am not FUCKING JOKING!!" The tears fell freely now, how much of an arsehole could he be. You saw him stand up and walk across the room out of view and your tears fell harder. Serena re-entered the room hearing your sobs but you waved her back. Composing yourself..

"Cillian... Cillian are you still there? Cillian?!" He came back into view and sat back down, eyes wet. He was crying.

"I'm sorry.. baby I'm sorry I didn't mean.." choking his words, so many emotions running through his mind. Another wave of nausea saw you suddenly dash out of view to throw up in the toilet again. All he saw was you run.

"Y/n?? Baby?? Where you going??" Serena came into view.

"Cill she's fine - it's morning sickness. She's okay don't worry." Cillian breathed a sigh of relief seeing your best friend there, at least you weren't alone.

"Listen, go take care of her yeah, tell her to call me when she's feeling okay.. and tell her I love her. We'll be okay. Everything will be okay, I promise." Serena smiled, nodding her head, ending the call, making her way back to you, still wretching into the bowl.

*************************************

"How are you feeling?" Cillians voice helped to ease the pain. Your morning sickness had subsided, at least for the last couple of days. Your bump appeared out of nowhere once you'd found out you were pregnant, but with the sudden change in your body came changes you really didn't appreciate - your pelvis was agony. Since you hit the 7 month mark, it felt like it was on fire daily.

"Like dogshit. Like my hips want to cripple me. This is hell Cillian, I miss you so much!" You started to cry again, Cillian feeling completely helpless. He'd already missed so much of this precious time filming, neither of you able to come home or visit due to Covid restrictions and y/n having a high risk pregnancy. Severe morning sickness, coupled now with severe pelvic girdle pain, doctors had signed you off on sick until your maternity leave kicked in in 6 weeks time. You couldn't walk now without crutches, relying on friends and family to bring you groceries. You were beginning to resent your own baby, which made you feel even worse.

"I'm on the first flight home tomorrow morning, we wrapped filming up a month early so I could come home sooner. I wanted to surprise you, but I'm shit at surprises!" He chuckled, causing you to giggle too. You perked up, still lay on the sofa like a bloated whale but at least you were smiling now.

"Really? You'll be home tomorrow?"

"Flight lands at 7am. I'll be home by 7:45. And I'm not going anywhere, y/n, I've cleared my schedule. Nothing coming up, no press, no interviews, I'm completely yours and the baby's for the foreseeable future. I promise." Tears fell again, but this time, happy ones. He'd be home in less than 12 hours. One more sleep, and he'd be home.

*************************************

"Come on y/n... You can do this!" You gripped Cillians hand hard as another contraction rippled painfully across your abdomen. Why the fuck did you refuse the epidural? What the hell were you thinking??

"I can't... I can't do it... Cillian I've been doing this for hours I can't..... Aaaaahhhhhh!" You screamed as your body took over and you bore down. The midwife ordering you to push.

"You can, you can baby, come on... She's nearly here! So close now, just a little longer..." He breathed with you, patting your head with a cold flannel to cool you down. Another contraction, another push...

Suddenly the room erupted with a baby's loud cry, swiftly followed by your own. Cillians eyes watered as your daughter was lifted in the air, still attached by the umbilical cord. Cillian cut it, taking your daughter into his arms. It was already decided he would hold your baby first, after all, you'd been carrying her for 9 months! You choked, seeing him holding your baby for the first time, as he carried her over to you to hold to your chest.

"She's here... She's beautiful.. look at her eyes Cillian!" Ocean blue, just like his.

"She has your nose y/n... My god she's perfect..." He kissed your head gently, openly sobbing now and not caring in the slightest. He thanked you. He thanked you for bringing his daughter safely into the world, for going through hell during the worst pregnancy you could've imagined..

"All worth it... Every second.. but I'm never doing this again Cillian.. I mean it, never again." You glared at him then at the scissors on the table, then down at his groin.

"Fuck off, y/n, I'm not having anyone snipping anything down there..."

"Looks like a life of celibacy then Murphy, that's the only logical conclusion."

"I'll book an appointment next week." You smirked. Very rarely did you not get your own way, and now he had two girls against him, he knew he'd never get his OWN way ever again.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Taglist:

@queenshelby @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @margoo0

#cillian x smut #cillian x fem!reader #fanfic #cillian x pregnant reader #cillian x childbirth

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