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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years ago

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June 25: 2x24 The Ultimate Computer

Belated notes on my watch of The Ultimate Computer yesterday.

Kirk’s definitely in Captain Mode today. You can tell when he’s on edge and suspicious and serious.

Yet another old Kirk friend. Does he know everyone in Starfleet?

War games lol. But it’s “not the military.”

Spock is super into this computer.

A-7 Computer Expert Certification.

The crew’s not needed? Wow, okay, this is going to end badly.

“This gadget.” How do you really feel, Kirk?

And there’s Spock literally making faces behind the Commodore’s back. He is soooo that type. He’s like “Jim, are you hearing this? Can you believe this guy?”

I’m insulted on Kirk’s behalf right now. Replacing people with machines so blithely is offensive.

Of course Bones doesn’t like it.

Oh yeah triumvirate walking scene. I love them. it takes so little for me to think ‘what badasses.’ S2 is really stepping up this dynamic in particular.

And Spock is comfortable enough around Bones to be sassy around him

Oh no, the computer is already glitching, and there is no backup and no plan B.... Bones is completely right in his assessment. This is essentially a Titanic situation: way too much hubris involved. Nothing can go wrong so nothing will go wrong so we’ve planned for nothing going wrong!

McCoy has BFF Clearance. He can go wherever he wants.

“It’s the M-5? What happened to Ms 1-4?” Channel #5.

Ahhhh little gratuitous touch to Spock’s arm. They’re In Love.

“There are certain things men must do to remain men.”

“The right computer finally came along.” Damn Bones.

Jim’s suspicions about the computer coming right after that line make it look like he’s jealous that Spock likes it so much.

He’s getting a “red alert right here.” Computers don’t have that kind of intuition.

Jim’s so thoughtful and self-aware. He really cares both about his instincts and about interrogating those instincts for bias and unreasonableness. This is giving me real S1 vibes: the quiet, intelligent, idealized hero Captain at the fore.

This whole scene is perfect, eminently quotable, and sounds exactly like something that could have been written about automation in 2021. You’re okay with it when it’s happening to someone else but then the computer comes for YOUR job....

Uh-h, M-5 is turning off all the lights...

Space merchant marines... good to know.

HOW are the Captain and CMO “non-essential personnel”? The first sign that M-5 is illogical. They should bring some doctor on the landing party mission given that uh humans are going on it and might get injured.

Anyway I can’t wait for Kirk to destroy this bitch and save the day.

Lol it turned off the lights on Bones in sickbay.

Damn, now it’s trying to take Uhura’s job too!

Chekov is so bored.

Spock wants to serve under one man and one man ONLY. Loyalty to one man... sounds like a wedding vow... and Kirk looks so soft...

So, if Spock has to describe to McCoy what that (unnecessary bitchy and catty) “Captain Dunsel” remark means, by saying that it’s a phrase that “midshipmen use at Starfleet Academy,” is this to imply Bones didn’t go to Starfleet Academy?

He’s never felt so at odds with the ship.... a lover’s quarrel...she’s cheating on him with another man...

Jim Kirk, certified Poetry Nerd. He’s such a romantic.

So glad Bones got him a drink so he can return to the bridge and a possible emergency with just a little bit of a buzz going.

Spock in the chair...

Huh, an automated ship with no crew. Interesting concept.

Oh no M-5! She’s got control of the ship and she won’t let go!

Kirk’s face when Enterprise attacks.. the betrayal... his beautiful lady used for mindless destruction.

“Only a robot” ship--! Bones is insulted.

Kirk orders the computer turned off but we’re only halfway through the ep so...

....And the computer is sentient now.

That was the shortest Captain’s Log ever. “The computer has taken over the ship the end.”

Scotty’s like, “...Well what if we just unplug it?”

Okay so now they only have 19 crew.

Spock and Bones are on point today. “Don’t say it’s fascinating.” / “I won’t. But it is... interesting.” This bitch knows exactly what he’s doing.

The computer isn’t a child, guys!

We need powerful computers “so men don’t have to die in space”--like uh that man your computer literally just killed?

I don’t get Daystrom’s logic at all. He talks as if people, like, needed to do work in space, to survive or something. We don’t need to. We want to! We want to go out and meet cool aliens! This guy is no fun.

What is the thing “greater” than fact finding in space that the robots are going to free us to do? Like what is more impressive than SPACE? I don’t even get that.

Time to mix up fake sci fi world-building references with real references! The Nobel and Zee-Magnee Prizes. Sitar of Vulcan.

A theory emerges... the computer acts illogically...Daystrom won’t let Spock near it... I know this isn’t where this is going, but it kind of sounds like they’re implying it’s a scam, lol. He sold an idea he didn’t have so it’s like.. not a real computer.

Spock’s little protege, Chekov.

“We have been pursuing a wild goose.” Aw, bb’s trying so hard to be colloquial. (Also he 100% learned that phrase from McCoy in The Gamesters of Triskellion and now he’s trying it out on Kirk...when McCoy isn’t around.)

“Not to offend you by using the h-word, but... could it be... human?”

Kirk’s really mad at Daystrom now.

The Commodore really set up that dramatic turn to camera there.

Poor Kirk. His ship is being used for evil.

“They can’t destroy the ship, what would happen to the computer?!” Yes, the computer. And the other 19 people and himself but mostly the computer. Daystrom really has lost it.

I love the actor who plays him, though.

“You are great. I am great.” Nothing weird happening here.

Spirk attack! (Spork it out.)

Spock’s way too sure Commodore Wesley is about to die. “He was decent, it’s a shame the ship I’m on is gonna kill him.”

And now another round of Kirk versus the computer and Kirk’s logic wins.

M-5 should argue that it did not commit murder, it committed homicide in self-defense. But then Daystrom didn’t program it with a lawyer’s brain.

It’s uh just gonna leave? Not turn the lights back on?

Kirk is so smart! I know I say this all the time, but it’s true! He knew what to do to save the ship because he knew Bob Wesley. He had formed connections, he had experience and knowledge that doesn’t come from logic. He is not replaceable!

McCoy’s like “Spock, fight me. Debate me Spock. Fight me. I’ll be fun.”

Spock HAS answered the computers versus humans question--he likes humans. He wants to be surrounded by humans.

That was really good! One of the better S2 episodes. Great Kirk, great triumvirate--as a trio and all three sides of the triangle--great sci fi concept, great guest star, great social commentary--still 100% relevant today.

i definitely have to think more about the ‘human computer’ concept. I liked that they specifically went out of their way to explain why the computer was human, how that was part of its design, and then tied that into its creator, his background, his belief system, and his insecurities. I feel like most ‘sentient computer’ or ��advanced AI’ narratives just assume a computer that’s powerful enough will eventually be alive, which is not something I believe. The scariness of advanced AI to me is the incredible power it has to act quickly, but in a complete black-box way: you can’t literally see the logic string of its thought processes, and nor can you figure them out easily or completely using the creators’ intentions or logic because the machine has ‘learned’ since its inception, and its learning processes are not human. There is a real alienness to them that I find scary. And I do think this ep captured that nuance in M-5: it has the speed and abilities of a super computer, the “human” qualities of its creator for well-explained reasons, and the unpredictability of a mechanism that is NEITHER human nor human-controlled tool. And of course the ep’s ultimate thesis--that humans cannot be completely automated or replaced, and that we should not want to automate or replace humans--is comforting and of a morality I can and want to agree with.

This was also one of those eps that made me curious about the differences in AOS and TOS Kirk--in other words, an ep that relied on his history with Starfleet and his experience, on the reality that he’s a 34 year old man with 15+years of experience in the Fleet. Time, experience, connections, these aren’t things you can replace no matter how smart you are, and I feel like it would have been interesting to see AOS!Kirk deal with some situation that is trickier for him because he’s a Captain with a startlingly small amount of institutional experience. It’s not just about being young or generally inexperienced, in other words--it’s about NOT knowing every Captain, Admiral, and Commodore in the service, it’s about NOT having friends across the galaxy because he just hasn’t had time to make them. Even in deep space, that matters. And I think it’s something that I appreciate more as an adult myself, with actual real world experience of the importance of connections and experience and time, especially in sort of insular or smaller work communities.

Anyway, next is Bread and Circuses! Another great ep for the triumvirate. I can’t believe we’re almost through S2!!

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #star trek tos #2021: fandom thoughts

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ladyloveandjustice · 5 years ago

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Shadow of the Batgirl: A review type thing

I just read the graphic novel Shadow of the Batgirl by Sarah Kuhn and Nicole Goux, which reimagines the superhero origin of Cassandra Cain.

It was overall good and EXTREMELY cute! If you want an awesome story about a teenage assassin running away from her shitty dad and finding a neat library, a community of cool ladies and the hero within herself, AND WHY WOULDN’T YOU WANT THAT, definitely get this!

It’s a standalone Batgirl story completely accessible to all and with none of the weird baggage and the complicated continuity of the regular Batman universe! it’s appropriate for younger teens but still a good read for adults, the art’s colorful and great, it’s packed to the brim with joy and hope.

And on top of all that, it gives a great character who’s been traditionally horribly neglected by mainstream comics for some reason (*cough its because she’s not white cough*) a spotlight and a chance to shine (and get written by an Asian American author for once!)! This also features one of my other faves, who had her disability and adult identity erased in the main universe, but not in this comic, hurray!

SO YEAH, if you like superheroes at all, highly recommend this!

NOW for a more detailed review, calling on all my expertise as a Cassandra Cain superfan and going into pros and cons. This’ll be long, but I’ll do it as a list to break it down.

Let’s start with the good stuff, there’s a lot of it:

- This story takes place in world where Barbara Gordon as Oracle (and former Batgirl) and Cassandra Cain as Batgirl exist, but Batman and The Killing Joke do not appear to. That is honestly transcendentally great to finally see this as an officially realized concept, Batgirl allowed to stand on its own as a legacy of powerful women, with all history of these characters being victimized for the sake of manpain erased. I am elated.

-The art was adorable, the designs were great, the clothes and Cass’s costumes were super cute, the setting was vibrant.

-Jackie was a really fun character and mentor figure for Cass. Loved her snark and how she and Babs basically become Cass’s two Moms and an awesome team in their own right. The relationships in this were just heartwarming. Loved the range of characters in general.

-Cass basically lived in a library aka my life dream. I mean, she did it because she was homeless and on the run from her assassin father, but like.

-Cassandra FINALLY knows her own race, (she’s half-Chinese) and gets to have a goddamn connection and basic feelings about it (Jackie bringing up what the bat means to Chinese culture), etc, god it should not have taken this long for this to happen.

(And it’s really important to have a version of Cass’s story where, y’know, the positive inspirational figures in her life include other Asian people, they aren’t just white people. it wasn’t until I read this it fully dawned on me how screwed up it is she never had that before.)

-For the first time in her entire existence, Cassandra Cain got to be in a canon romance that wasn’t fucking awful, can you believe it. Her love interest Erik was adorable, and him being a budding romance writer was an especially sweet touch- and I think there’s an implication/hint his dad’s the Bronze Tiger? Which is really cute Easter Egg for Cass fans, considering she had a strong friendship with the dude in her original series!

-The idea of Cass liking to draw and expressing herself through art is really fun and fitting. Her being visually focused, it makes a lot of sense.

-Cass extending her body language ability to sort of being able to guess at people’s underlying emotional problems from how they carry themselves is a really neat idea- it could have been implemented a little more smoothly but I like the concept.

-Cass going after the “evil-doers” in the library after becoming a hero was one of the best things I’ve ever seen. Deserves to be framed. I love what a huge nerd Cass got to be in this.

-The comic understood that core of Cass’s character is compassion and empathy, that how she reaches out for people, refuses to harm, and really believes in people and embodies change, rebirth, hope. THAT’S IT, THAT’S MY GIRL, THAT’S MY HERO..

-I’ve read a ton of comics with Barbara Gordon and this is the first one I’ve come across where she discussed her relationship with her mother having any sort of influence on her interests and personality, she isn’t even the main character of this and her mother matters more in it than every other comic I’ve read with her combined how sad is that

-I liked Babs just casually making gadgets and stuff all the time, and loved that she expressed she honestly preferred doing this and that was why she was giving Batgirl to Cass. MADE ME WANT TO SCREAM FUCK YOU DC ALL OVER AGAIN.

-Compared to the original Cass Batgirl comics, this story is obviously more accessible as a standalone, but it’s also just overall more appropriate for a wider range of ages since the darker elements of Cass’s story are way toned down. I was a young teenager when I read Cass’s series and was fine, but there are young teenagers that DON’T want like, graphic onscreen deaths in their comics, so it’s good there’s a lighter Cass story for them. It was just a really sweet, affirming story.

Now for some cons, none of them damning:

The romance was cute, but wish it’d had room to breathe. Ideally, it didn’t need to be happening alongside Cass’s origin, I think it would have been better if it was just hinted at and then was allowed to fully play out as an after-she-became-Batgirl thing, but I can get that Kuhn didn’t know if this would get a sequel and there were probably a lot of good reasons she wanted to include it.

-I think this came from Kuhn being used to writing as a YA author rather than doing comics, but it was weird to read a Cass comic with so much narration and the way it was used really detracted from the potential power of the story. We’re told through Cass’s super chatty narration she’s not a normal teen, she TELLS US that she barely knows how to read and speak and TELLS US she’s better at reading body language-but we never get a sense of this, not even at the beginning, because the story doesn’t trust the reader to take in the visuals without narration, and then she’s able to talk like a normal teen pretty much right off the bat.

I’m okay with Cass becoming a chatty girl, and her voice in this comic was fun- I know “silent Asian” has a lot baggage and Cass’s original character leaned into some stereotypes- but the first chapter/part would been far more powerful if it had her world be a little more silent and fully emphasized the visual, for her interactions with people and words be garbled and confusing, and if it gave us more of a sense of the world she comes from and how her perception of things differs from the average person. Cass’s original debut and the beginning of her original series did a really good job giving us a sense of this, and took great advantage of comics as a visual medium, and I missed that.

-Cass learns to read and talk SUPER EASILY and it just comes off as unbelievable. I do like the idea of her camping at a library, eavesdropping, and teaching herself, but I would have liked to see her actually struggle like a person would. Moreover, while I know the presentation of it was very flawed, Cass basically had a learning/language disability in the original series. I was kind of hoping this comic would lean into that, and actually give a more realistic and nuanced representation of that kind of disability (it could have been presented as something she always had that was exacerbated by how she was raised, not caused by it!).

Honestly, I think her romance with Erik would have been far more interesting and meaningful and tied in better if she’d actually struggled to read, maybe even discovered she was dyslexic and couldn’t quite read the same way he could. That could have been a source of development between them.

-David Cain’s a super flat as a character in this comic, he doesn’t have much presence, menacing or otherwise, and Cass’s complicated feelings and relationship with him is not nearly as painful as they were in her original series.This is partly because there wasn’t a lot of a space for it though, and that’s fine.

-Overall, the main thing that hurts the story is that we don’t see all that much of what Cass’s life was like as an assassin, and her life with David Cain was like. It’s harder to invest in Cass’s transformation into a hero when we don’t really have a sense of who she was before,it’s hard to appreciate her breaking free when we can’t get a sense of what kind of cage she was even in. How much language DID she know? How much of the world was she exposed to? What was she really deprived of? I hope if there’s a sequel we can see more of this.

-Babs isn’t the main character of course, so this isn’t a real complaint, but I did miss her cynical and angry edge. She’s pretty much just a chipper nerd with no sign of her own baggage in this, and it makes her relationship with Cass less interesting. It’s implied that her “accident” did affect her and she just managed to work through a lot of it before she met Cass, but I missed the element of their relationship where they both were hurting from losing “the world they knew” and working through it together, sometimes clashing, etc.

-I read one of Sarah Kuhn’s YA novels in anticipation of this, and while I’m relieved this is better about it than her first book was (I expected it to be, writers improve, I definitely know how messy a first book is) there’s still some cringe-y ideas of how “average” teens talk creeping in, occasional clunky pacing etc.

But all in all? It was a really nice little story that did a lot of cool things, and I really want a sequel and want more of this version of Cass and her universe. As someone who was driven away from DC comics in part because of how badly they treated Cass, Oracle and the Batgirl legacy. it’s really like a salve on old wounds.

#cassandra cain #batgirl #shadow of the batgirl #oracle #barbara gordon #sarah kuhn #graphic novels #dc comics #my reviews #reviews #batfamily #nicole goux

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homespork-review · 4 years ago

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Homespork Act 3: Insane Mindscrew Haymakers (Part 1)

BRIGHT: Before Act 3 proper starts, we see a message from Nanna to John, written in the front of the Sassacre’s joke book from Dad’s safe. The message is somewhat bizarre. For one thing, according to Nanna, the book it’s written in will end its journey on the day she dies...and still carry on for a while. For another, it talks about game elements we’ve encountered already, and hints at more to come. Overall it’s a nice bit of detail, enough to whet the reader’s interest.

You are no doubt reading this as a handsome and strapping young man! Why, the mangrit needed to lift the book is itself a sign of your maturity, not even to speak of the wisdom needed to grasp the nuance of Sassacre's time-tested mischief. I am so proud of you, grandson! How I wish I could have delivered this heirloom to you in the flesh. But I am afraid it wasn't in the cards! For you see, John, like you, this book must yet take a journey! Its journey will end on the Final Day of my life, and even then will continue some. Though I suppose that will be up to your Father. Perhaps he will discuss it with you one day, when he and you are ready. But it is your journey I am writing about to wish you luck! There will come a day when you will be thrust into another world. And once you arrive, that is only the beginning! You will soon delve even deeper into a realm of Warring Royalty in a Timeless Expanse. A realm of Agents and Exiles and Consorts and Kernelsprites. Of toiling Underlings and slumbering Denizens. A realm where four will gather, the Heir of Breath and Seer of Light, the Knight of Time and Witch of Space, and together they will Ascend. John, if only you knew how important you were! I regret my passing came so early in your life. And yet I feel in my heart we have already met. But what I know for sure is that we will meet again! Until then, John, I do hope your Father keeps you well fed!

FAILURE ARTIST: As I said earlier, Hussie has artfully defaced books, including one antique one about an expedition around the world. Defaced books show up again in this comic.

CHEL: Particularly, it implies that Nanna also had knowledge of the game during her lifetime, somehow, and refers to the gathering of four heroes. This is our first introduction to the classpect system, which now rivals Hogwarts houses as a method of personality description in fandom at large. I think at the time I didn’t realise who it was referring to… Anyway.

Next, we officially meet GG, the fourth and final member of our gang, a “silly girl” with a cheery grin, sleeping in a greenhouse full of vegetables and spirograph-shaped flowers. Since she’s sleeping and can’t object, she’s referred to for a while as FARMSTINK BUTTLASS, but she’s way ahead of us; under her hand is a note admonishing the reader and declaring her actual name to be Jade Harley. I think she’s the cutest of the kids, myself - just seeing her first appearance makes me happy! All its weaknesses aside, Homestuck’s pretty great at creating painfully cute character designs and attaching a good range of personalities to them.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jade Harley was considered a “Mary Sue” when she was first introduced. I don’t know why. Yeah, she has a lot of eccentricities and unusual possessions but so do the other characters.

Farmstink is a reference to an old comic Hussie did about this dude obsessed with the stink of farms. Hussie’s early work is really weird.

CHEL: The reader attempts to wake Jade by dropping a pumpkin carved with an animal’s face on her head, but the pumpkin disappears; as we know, WV now has it. Fortunately for the pacing, Jade wakes up on her own. Look closely, and you’ll notice the symbol on her shirt changes each page; that turns out a bit later to be due to her hi-tech WARDROBIFIER. If I recall correctly, Hussie intended to settle on one chosen by reader vote, but ended up on a cycle of three different ones.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jade settles on three icons to appear on her shirt. However, eventually just one icon stays on her shirt. The WARDROBIFIER doesn’t get much use with her, though a later character has the same thing.

CHEL: Jade is also wearing COLORFUL REMINDERS on her fingers, and when the view pans out it’s revealed by the view from the window that her GARDEN ATRIUM is on a high floor. She plays the flute badly for a while in a Flash game; apparently it’s not her preferred instrument. Also fortunately for the pacing, we think, she knows how to use her sylladex, and prefers to set its retrieval function in the form of a memory game because you seem to have a knack for always guessing right on the first try! On checking her reminders, she remembers to wish John happy birthday, gathers some fruit, and heads upstairs by means of a teleporter.

Jade’s bedroom proves to be full of various disturbing-looking plushies, albeit not nearly as disturbing as the Smuppets, hanging baskets and potted plants, a bass guitar, and G-rated furry artwork, including a piece obviously drawn by Dave. Franchises depicted in her toy and poster collections include GREEN SLIME GHOST (the apparent copyright-friendly source of John’s T-shirt and pogo ride), MANTHRO CHAPS (mustachioed human faces on plush animal bodies), and SQUIDDLES (adorable octopi with magnets in their bellies which stick together as Tangle Buddies!). Her favoured weapons are rifles, though she would never shoot an animal, and she has various gadgets on a worktable, including a thing that looks like a disconnected window not unlike those shown in Rose’s book, which she apparently hasn’t been able to get to work.

FAILURE ARTIST: Manthro Chaps is a reference to Hussie’s particularly disturbing set of comics where he plays around with anthropomorphization. Like having an anthro chicken man lay anthro eggs.

CHEL: The comic in question, Humanimals, can be found here; warnings for extreme body horror and general grossness.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jade is told by a forum prompter to Lose interest in fauna and never speak of it again. Jade refuses to in a beautiful little speech but she denies she’s a furry. Oh, if she only knew what was coming for her.

Jade looks out the window and we find out she lives somewhere next to a volcano.

CHEL: The very same one which appeared in the animation at the end of the last act, in fact.

Your grandfather is a WORLD RENOWNED EXPLORER-NATURALIST-TREASURE HUNTER-ARCHEOLOGIST-SCIENTIST-ADVENTURER-BIG GAME HUNTER-BILLIONAIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE. He has taught you everything you know.

Grandpa is heavily coded here and in his appearance a bit later as a Great White Hunter, an upper-class European guy who goes to faraway countries in order to shoot the animals there. Of course, non-white people can certainly do that, but white is what people will immediately picture upon seeing the trope. Also note we have another ridiculously wealthy family here. Since all four of the kids have now been introduced and we’ve had a lot of WSP points from their races and financial statuses already, here we get another HOW NOT TO point as well.

The Country Club Here every single character is white and middle-to-upper class. Unless your novel is taking place in rural Sweden, this will eventually give the reader the eerie feeling that some form of ethnic cleansing has taken place. HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 14 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 7

One could argue that some form of ethnic cleansing is taking place, since these are the kids who are surviving the apocalypse, though that’s not actually fair because there are plenty of other SBurb sessions all across the world which might also succeed.

Jade opens her GADGET CHEST and produces several more items pertaining to her interests, including her computer, which she keeps in a Squiddles lunchbox. Several fortune-telling items are included among them, but according to Jade they are not the source of her abilities. The Magic 8-Ball is apparently usually wrong, responding to being asked whether it’s John’s birthday today with NOT EXACTLY, and the Magic Cue Ball is supposedly always right but is impossible to read, making it completely useless.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s another Problem Sleuth reference (or rather Problem Sooth) but what’s important is the Magic Cue Ball. Unlike her Magic 8-Ball, it has no window where one can read the prediction. If only Jade had a special vision. Perhaps an eightfold vision.

Jade goes to feed BEC. She has some sylladex trouble until she finally just takes a steak out of her fridge.

CHEL: Once again, the sylladex shenanigans waste several pages.

GET ON WITH IT!: 9

Bec’s identity is as yet unknown, but recall that Dave called him a “devilbeast” in an earlier conversation, and when he suggested shooting Bec Jade said she didn’t think she could if she tried. He also apparently eats nothing but steaks (lucky Grandpa’s a billionaire), so Jade is living on an island with apparently minimal supervision from her guardian and an allegedly dangerous carnivore running wild outside. Like Dave, at this point it seems to be very lucky she’s a cartoon character.

FAILURE ARTIST: Using a special oven she irradiates the steak. Umm, I think Bec can take that but I worry about Jade.

Jade finds and plays her elaborate bass and she’s much better at it than with the flute. During the flash, the camera pulls out and we find out where she lives: in a tower on a small volcanic island with a frog temple in the lagoon. An airplane goes by and drops a package.

Jade uses her super high-tech “lunchtop” to have a conversation with John. Nothing special about that but we see on her chumroll a bunch of unfamiliar handles. Hmm.

CHEL: The unfamiliar handles are listed in the “Trollslum”, which one presumes is a blocklist. I think you have to see just how hi-tech the lunchtop is:

"Jade: Get down to business." (Watch on YouTube)

Hussie’s really coming into his own with the animations by now.

FAILURE ARTIST: Dave has sent her some messages begging her to wake up and unfortunately one line has the f-slur in it.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 7

In the end, he decides she’ll probably forget what he says.

CHEL: Begging her to wake up” doesn’t exactly cover it.

TG: youre asleep again arent you TG: or do you even know if you are TG: i still dont know how that works TG: its like nothing means anything

Apparently Jade sometimes talks to him while she’s sleeping.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s a little flash where you can listen to some of Dave’s tunes. When you’re done with that, you can join her in looking at mspadventures.com. A crude John wearing a wizard hat is sitting on his lawn with the caption

It begins to dawn on you that everything you just did may have been a colossal waste of time.

What the hell is going on here? Is Jade reading what John is doing right now?

CHEL: I think it’s just a fourth wall joke, but it’s certainly accurate, considering our GET ON WITH IT count.

FAILURE ARTIST: Next, we get this flash called Midnight Crew: Act 1031. If you are watching it in 2019, the song playing is Dead Shuffle by Mark Hadley. However, the song was originally Nightlife by Bill Bolin. Unfortunately, Bolin had a dispute with Hussie over Hussie using music that Bolin considered WIP. Bolin blew up and called Hussie “unprofessional” and in a very professional move posted a photo of himself giving the double deuce. It’s a shame this happened since Nightlife is a jauntier and more appropriate tune.

CHEL: The Midnight Crew, to be specific, are gangsters with card-themed names who bear a striking resemblance to WV, living in a mysterious purple city full of towers, pitted against the Felt, another gang of odd-looking green fellows who wear bowler hats with numbers on them, in the colour schemes of a set of pool balls.

Hussie did make reference in the previous page to a “weird tangential intermission [which] clearly advanced the plot in no way whatsoever”, implying that it actually is relevant, and the purple city and its shiny black beady-eyed inhabitants look very familiar, but since as far as we know at this point the Midnight Crew is just a comic-within-a-comic, you know which counts get added to.

GET ON WITH IT!: 10 WHAT IS HAPPENING??: 2

Just for the record, the leader of the gang is named Spades Slick, and yes, we’re aware that “spade” is a slur against black people, which makes it slightly unfortunate to be applied as a name to a black-shelled alien creature. However, we’re not counting that as PROBLEMATYKKS because Hussie and the Crew’s original writer certainly did not intend that. It’s not that commonly used a term from what I’ve seen, the playing cards would be the more likely immediate association, and with the other characters being Clubs Deuce, Hearts Boxcars, and Diamonds Droog, it’s just an unfortunate coincidence. If he was a black human, then I’d object more strenuously.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jade talks with Dave (I think the conversation is a repeat?)

CHEL: Yep.

GET ON WITH IT!: 11

FAILURE ARTIST: Finally, we get the flash we’ve been waiting for: Dave strifes with his mysterious guardian. Or rather, he strifes with Lil Cal while Bro is a speed blur.

BRIGHT: Unlike the other strifes up to this point, the reader can’t do anything other than watch, because Bro slices the command box in half right at the start.

TIER: In the world of Homestuck, the parental units are overall just really weird! Like dad Egbert severe overabundance of cakes and mom Lalonde's drunken dysfunction. It's overall all hilarious, fitting with the tone and humor of the story well!

But then we have our lovely outlier. The one, the hated, The. Bro “a huge bastard honestly” Strider! A.K.A basically the one guardian whose questionable parenting gets the Real Consequences treatment later on in this tale. Peculiar that.

CHEL: Now, under most circumstances, an adult man beating the hell out of a barely-teenage kid, on the precarious rooftop of a high-rise building no less, would be horrifying. However, Bro chooses to hit Dave with his puppet, which… is frankly hard to take seriously. Obviously it would still hurt if a real person did that, but it looks so stupid that the immediate assumption is that it’s a joke.

BRIGHT: Particularly when earlier strife moves like Rose’s ‘Empty Suicide Threat’ were intended to be humorous. This is about on the same level as that, in terms of severity!

TIER: Being smacked around by the flopping noodle limbs of a freaky puppet is honestly hard to take seriously. Hell, this entire sequence is chock full of outlandish “Rule of Cool” bullshit and I am Peeved that I was apparently supposed to look at this sequence of ridiculous events and go “OBVIOUSLY THIS IS FUCKED UP AND ABUSIVE”.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 7

CHEL: I could kinda see that with hindsight from the rest of the comic, but definitely not “OBVIOUSLY THIS IS A LOT MORE FUCKED UP AND ABUSIVE THAN THE OTHER AWFUL FAMILY CIRCUMSTANCES”, which is what was apparently intended. And we also get another HOW NOT TO point, which we’ll give now even though the official “reveal” comes much later.

A Novel Called It - wherein an abusive parent exists Bad parents are everywhere in unpublished fiction. Whole cities of abusive fathers and sneering mothers live in the pages of books that can’t be sold. While occasionally, and notably in the horror genre, this sort of material can be made good (Carrie, V. C. Andrews), most cruel parents in fiction are just as much fun as they are in real life. HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 14

That damn puppet gets creepier every time, admittedly, more so now that Bro is moving so fast that the thing appears to be dancing on Dave’s head under its own power. Dave’s expressions look more annoyed than afraid or hurt, however, in my opinion.

FAILURE ARTIST: Anyway, we go back to Jade. Rose is pestering her.

TT: I require a font of frighteningly accurate yet infuriatingly nonspecific information. TT: Do you know where I can find a wellspring of this sort?

Very business-like, isn’t it? Rose and Jade’s relationship is a big missed opportunity in this comic. They’re more like friends-of-friends than friends.

CHEL: I don’t know, that sounds to me like how Rose talks to the boys too; facetiously formal. Still, they don’t converse nearly as much as the boys do with each other or them. Male writers in particular tend to do this, and it’s not entirely their faults. People are socialised to think women talk a lot more than they do, so he probably didn’t notice.

TIER: A real shame honestly, we were fucking robbed of some peak interactions between a sunshine flower child and a “dark and brooding” baby goth. Fucking. Robbed.

FAILURE ARTIST: We find out that Jade was the one who had the idea of playing Sburb. She had told Rose that the game would answer some of Rose’s unnamed questions. Rose wants more information on this Big Day. Jade says the game will not be what Rose thinks it is and will answer questions Rose hasn’t thought of yet. On that mysterious note, Jade says goodbye.

CHEL: We check in briefly with Rose in the present, confirming that she’s found the secret passage and is escaping the fire, bringing the corpse of her cat along with her, then to John, who is doing much worse. The ogres (the giant tusked imps) have cornered him, and while he flails frantically about with his Pogo Hammer it doesn’t do much good. They beat the snot out of him with the old Sassacre book and the tire swing, then send him flying into the abyss; fortunately, Nannasprite is able to catch him on his bed and provide healing, allowing him to flail uselessly at the ogres again and get beaten up again, ad infinitum.

Back in the desert, a giant worm-like creature emerges from PM’s bunker and chows down on the cart full of mailboxes. PM is displeased, and puts a hand on the hilt of an ornate black sword.

Cut back to the FAQ, which John has found time to edit with information about the punch card system. He doesn’t know if anyone is left alive to play the game, but Rose asked him to add to it, so he will. He’s figured out with his 133t h4x0r 5k1llz that the captcha code on the back of the cards is converted into a binary-based pattern on the cards, 0 being blank and 1 being a punched hole. Overlapping the cards functions like a bitwise AND operation, causing both to be enacted. The 48-hole card system allows for 300 trillion combinations, but John lampshades the fact that this couldn’t possibly cover every conceivable captchable item, and that various combinations of overlapping cards would just produce the same combination. This is just adding to my conviction that the system ought to be reworked; the totems alone would probably allow for a much wider range, if one gets down to the atomic level of their shape. Then again, those would be a lot harder to merge… Still, I’m sure there’s some way to work it.

BRIGHT: This section was kind of surprising to me because up to this point we haven’t had much if any description of John being into coding, so the section came out of left field somewhat. Not bad, necessarily, just jarring.

CHEL: Actually, he did mention in his intro that he likes to program, albeit not very well, he had some coding books on his shelves, and the icons on his computer are named in a way which implies they’re some of his attempts at coding. However, this interest never really comes up again later that I remember.

Meanwhile, the secret passage Rose followed led to her mother’s laboratory, which bears the logo “SN” with a stylised atom and a spirograph pattern in the loops of the S. It seems Mom Lalonde knows more than she’s letting on about the game. Inside the laboratory is an enormous HUBGRID of devices into which the laptop can be plugged.

FAILURE ARTIST: Rose uses that ol’ r-slur when she says she won’t go on the pad so that’s another point.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 8

CHEL: Jade uses the TRANSPORTALIZER to travel most of the way down to the ground floor, but not all the way down because the one on that floor is blocked. As she walks down the last couple of flights of stairs, we see Grandpa’s own collections of stuff; taxidermised animal heads, suits of armour, mummified corpses (made by pasting in photographs to the cartoon background, it’s creepy as hell), and his BLUE BEAUTIES, or the DAUGHTERS OF ECLECTICA; sun-bleached portrait photographs of beautiful women. On the final floor, we are confronted with the thing blocking the final portal; a gigantic preserved monster with a white head and green serpentine body. It took me till just now to figure it out but I think the white part is supposed to be a human torso on the snake tail; at first it just looked like a snake wearing a stocking mask. That’s what happens when the humans don’t have arms.

Jade thought she had logged off from Pesterchum, but suddenly it pings again, and here we are introduced to an entirely new section of the cast. We’re probably not spoiling anything by not being mysterious about them at this point in the fandom’s history, but just in case, we’ll stick to doing the reveals when the comic does. The person talking to Jade is one of the names from her TROLLSLUM, under the handle carcinoGeneticist; they gloat about being “BETTER AND SMARTER THAN YOU, FOREVER” when asked how they’re still contacting Jade after being blocked, and mock her about today being “FINALLY THE DAY YOU FUCK EVERYTHING UP”. Angry, Jade blocks them again.

FAILURE ARTIST: I had forgotten that “they” appeared so early.

CHEL: Well, “appear” is stretching it; the TROLLSLUM only make contact through Pesterchum for a while yet. And when they show up, we’ll have both plenty of skilfully-written points to pick out and plenty of counts to apply.

#Homespork #homestuck #literary critique #sporking #Let's read #let's read homestuck #homestuck let's read #homestuck review #homestuck meta #homestuck reread

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thejiaqiverse · 5 years ago

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(Posting some silly cover art)

Welcome onlookers, to:

The Inkwell Paradox

After (over)analyzing the Cuphead storyline with 3 different approaches last month, I’ll now move on to the Jiaqiverse Cuphead fancanon\fanfic:

A space-time odyssey, falsidical paradoxes, magic vs. science; all these raising thoughts to scenarios similar to Neo knocking over the flower vase after the Oracle pointed it out and further. Gee, talk about a way too serious approach with fanfic!

I have made some posts in the form of Devil’s diary transcript already on the-textbased-jiaqiverse, and a lot more is planned to come in a non-chronological, kinda messy fashion, I feel like I want to highlight some parts I really enjoyed imagining/writing.

Like the Devil x KD dynamic:

Did you know Devil was “banished”, “casted down” to this universe, landing on a part its residents would call “Inkwell” after he got into major trouble with the Court? (It was to the extend that the Court would like him to be annihilated, to be expanded on someday in the future)

Did you know at KD and Devil’s first meeting, in a blink of the eye, time “skipped” about 6 hours from Devil’s perspective? And in that blink of the eye, Devil felt his life was going to be in danger, and that event would be somehow linked to KD (a stranger he’d just met at this point), but couldn’t specifically pinpoint how? Needless to say he freaked out

Did you know shortly after being acquainted with KD, Devil learnt a song written specifically to mock KD? A literal diss track he finds catchy and shared/sang straight to KD’s face, meanwhile gradually realizing “the six-faced freak” was probably supposed to be KD (the “photosynthesis” song)!

KD did remind Devil of what he’s done wrong in the past and Devil wanted to leave Inkwell and fix things. At that point Devil was tricked into gathering money for someone promising to build/commission something to get him home, he unknowingly hurt KD in that process which he greatly regretted

There were 2 to 3 years KD spent as a pretty influential regent of Sugarland (alternative reality/AU) for Princess Erony Taffy (a relative of Baroness von Bon Bon’s). Devil joked that if KD was an actual king, addressing him formally would get interesting (King King Dice, something like that)

Devil’s trident is a gadget made by KD for him to in a way regain his magic, and within their time in this AU Devil learned to shapeshift on command, KD paired the trident with his mind and shapeshifting abilities so from then on it shapeshifted alone with Devil and can turn into any weapon Devil wanted

After Erony literally backstabbed KD, Devil started weeping holding KD, weeping like he’d never wept before, believing he had lost him

Did you know after that KD and Devil journeyed to yet another AU and became celebrities? Here they became professional musicians by accident (just like how this idea hit me by accident, becoming singers was not their main goal being there)

Did you know they started a romantic relationship before they went viral, but this remained secret at that moment as them being gay was met with quite some resistance here? (in this AU the strongest resistance they’d meet) Their relationship lasted despite this tho

Did you know after a thankfully peaceful retirement from their musical career they ended up chasing a major lead to another new, very magical AU? Where they had to destroy a foreign gem in Cala Maria’s possession and where they bumped into Dr. Kahl, who promptly fled upon seeing them?

People of this AU were generally pretty open-minded and they were free to just openly flirt and more

After going after Dr. Kahl and his alliance of scientists from “infinite Inkwell”—short for a gathering of scientists from a seemingly “infinite” amount of Inkwell AUs—Devil almost died trying to protect KD (that’s why Devil foresaw the danger to his life was linked to KD at their first meeting)

Did you know Devil told KD “there’s a beautiful sparkle in your eyes”(yeah Devil is THAT cheesy sometimes) when he was dying and KD was desperately keeping him alive?

Dr. Kahl was time traveling all this time, lastly landing back at the AU where Devil and KD were celebs, where the KD from that moment of time confronted him and ended his idea of “ripping a hole through space-time to explore the unknown”, which would ultimately just destroy the entirety of this Inkwell “multiverse” along with everyone there if carried out!

KD nurtured Devil back to health

John and James, advanced AI’s constructed by KD reacted to witnessing an affectionate kiss shared between KD and Devil by saying “well, this is no surprise, we saw that coming long ago”

Devil initially wanted to leave this universe badly, but as he hung out with KD, he gradually put down his troubles and started to want to stay here with KD, until it was revealed that KD is not from this universe either and staying here would not be the best option, he knew he needed to leave with KD, eventually

Did you know after all this jazz they went back to the reality they started with and lived in a cave for a while, plotting to leave this universe (yeah that cave was the location of the later Inkwell Hell)?

I mentioned somewhere in an ask-and-answer that Devil was KD’s first right (you know what I meant)? Although the prospect was extremely inviting, Devil initially couldn’t bring himself to just do the do with KD (this and a lot else had to do with Devil’s background), then immediately asked KD to marry him when they finally did get to it.

Here’s a pretty wild fancanon: After careful planning, KD and Devil essentially faked their defeat (c’mon remember the “who would win” meme?) and left Inkwell with the cupbros as heroes to the Inkwell residents. They went on to a specific time and place of a Section (a “standard” type of cluster of multiverses) KD prepared for them

Did I mention that some girls—e.g. Erony, AU Sally Stageplay and of course, creepy Pirouletta—had major crushes on KD?

Besides all that there’s so much more than the story of Devil and KD here: John and James, Cuphead and Mugman’s journey and more and more (this fanfic is called “The Inkwell Paradox” not “the snake-eyes paradox” so...)

I hope you’d like my fancanon\fanfic, just fun and games after all

#fan art #cuphead #fan fiction #fan fic art #cuphead don't deal with the devil #king dice #cuphead king dice #cuphead devil #snake eyes #cuphead snake eyes #dr kahl #the jiaqiverse

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tracle0 · 5 years ago

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22/11

I was tagged by @joyful-soul-collector (thank you this is possibly one of my favourite tag games) ... Okay also also before I could finish this up, @hyba also tagged me so uh it’s 22/11 instead, ty ty. You two might want to check the tag list cause uhhh you might be there who knows not me c:

The rules are: Answer the 11 (22 this time but hush) questions, make up your own 11 and then tag... I think it’s 11 people but I don’t know 11 people who I haven’t already tagged so...

I sort of started spamming pictures to answer a question so I’m gonna... put the pictures under the cut.

1. Have any of your OCs ever stolen something? What did they steal, and why? Oh yeah sure - the first one I can think of easily is Cain. He used to live on the streets so had to steal to survive. But he’d also work for money. He’s not heartless, just desperate.

Also now I’m thinking about it, Tag would definitely be the kind of guy to just... hey I know I’m meant to hand this gear in but... no-one will miss it so.... he steals to amuse himself with the gadgets he gets.

2. Did you ever have imaginary friends as a kid? What were they like? I copied my sister in having pretend animal friends, but not really. Who needs imaginary friends when you have real-life ones lol I was a lot more liked as a kid.

3. Do any of your OCs have a favorite article of clothing? Why is it their favorite?

Uhhhh

Um.

Yeah, you could say that.

Andy likes his hoodie because it’s a thing that is only his. He didn’t get it from Murdock, I honestly don’t know WHERE he got it from, but it’s his, and the fact he owns anything means a lot to him.

Cain likes his because it’s one of the few things left over from when he was younger and again, it’s his. He didn’t steal it. It belongs to Only Him. He feels comfortable in it.

4. What do you fist develop about a character when you make one up? Do you think of their appearance first? Their personality? Their backstory?

Honestly? It depends. Backstory always comes after, but personality and appearance often intersect. I know for WIP 3 I thought of personality and traits first, and for Collateral it was appearance first. I think for Sonder it was more.. their role in the story? ‘Oh hey this is the antagonist, this is the protagonist, this is the love interest wait I hate romance, okay, side kick’ etc

5. Fluff or Angst?

If it’s not romantic? Fluff. I made myself angsty enough when I was younger, I want more happiness in my life.

6. Remember the color of that dress that everyone was debating about however many years ago? The one that was blue and black, or white and gold? What colors did you see?

The correct colours.

7. Pick your bubbliest, happiest OC. Now tell me what will make them turn into your worst nightmare. I wanna see what makes them the angriest.

Oh boy, let’s see uhhh... Tag. Tag from WIP 3 who is undergoing the process of a name change.

Seeing someone he loves die would twist him. Being isolated would eventually break him. Being unable to do what he loves would definitely upset him also.

Also idk if you’ve heard about it but in his world, there’s a nifty ability called being a silvertongue and I know at least one silvertongue is not gonna exploit this but I also know of another who would even on this19-year-old kid so maybe it’s not by choice but that could make him a nightmare. Just sayin’

8. Now pick your angstiest, most emo OC. And tell me what would make them blush and giggle like an idiot. I wanna see what makes them the happiest.

Okay for this one it’s a tie I write a lot of angsty characters.

>Andy - seeing something just. Really funny. Oh did Sam just fall over in a ridiculous way? Fantastic. That’s actually how they first have a proper conversation. Sam falls over, he laughs, they talk.

>Cain - anything awesome that Duck does. Oh hey what’s up Goose oh you drew this radical picture? /tearing up/ it’s so great oh my gosh you’re so talented. That’s more being happy than giggling but can you see Cain giggling? No, me neither.

9. If you could have any mythical creature for a pet, what would it be?

Dragon, next question.

10. What’s your go-to thing for when you’re hungry but don’t have time/energy to cook something?

Fruit! It is! Very good! And tasty! Apples have a good cronch! Oranges are mmmm juicy. Banana? Yes nice thank you. Oh wow we have strawberries? What a sweet treat. Also healthy!

11. Do any of your OCs have scars? Would they be confident enough to show them in public (like at the beach)?

Oh yeah sure man. Andy’s got multiple from... ‘training’. He doesn't show them off. Cain, Duck and Theo have all been badly burnt on the arms, and Cain ‘’shows it off’’ just because it makes him uncomfortable to have his arms covered. And uh Raya probably has some sort of scar on her knees or elbow from rollerblading. Because you do fall over and it does scar.

And now for Hyba’s questions, lez go bois

1. What cultural value do you see in writing/reading/storytelling/etc.?

I think that without storytelling specifically, humans would be so... mundane? We’d be no different to any other animal on the planet. Creating anything, be that stories or art or literally anything is so... human. To take that away would be like taking away humanities soul. The cultural value isn’t really measurable - storytelling makes up the culture.

2. Do you try more to be original or to deliver to readers what they want?

Honestly, I have no idea. I try to entertain myself, and if other people like it too, then that’s neat. But because I’m writing for myself, I anticipate everything, so I don’t know if it’s original or not. I know it delivers what I want! But is that readers want? Who knows!

3. As a writer, what would you choose as your mascot/avatar/spirit animal?

Crow. Not even as a writer, just... dude crows are so damn cool.

4. What do you think most characterizes your writing?

I’m not quite sure about the phrasing so uhhhh represents? Google is telling me ‘describes’.

In which case, a midnight fever jolting you out of bed, moments before you could fall asleep, and puppeting you to a writing surface so you can splurge ideas onto it sounds about right. 66% of my WIPs have elements in them that were based on dreams.

5. How do you select the names of your characters?

Mostly? Spite. ‘Oh Trade, you can’t have a bad guy named Andy, all Andy’s are good’ NOPE NOT ANYMORE SUCK IT. I also have a friend who is really good at coming up with names that fit the exact mood of the character so I go to her a lot. Sometimes they’re puns.

6. Choose one of your OCs (or more). How would they want to be seen by others?

Sam from Sonder wants to be seen as someone people can talk to, but also someone who pursues a science because yes sociology is a science to her, shut up, don’t talk to me if you’re going to mention the words ‘paradigm’ or ‘objective’ thank you.

7. How do you find or make time to write? Are you consistent or do you write whenever you get the chance?

Hahahahahhahha.

In the past few months, I’ve not been writing because I’ve had exams. Before that, I wrote at every chance I had - being a student, I had a fair bit of free time during the day, so I’d use that to write. But for a while, it was a nothing on the ‘what has Trade written recently’ chart.

Going up again boiiis

8. What does literary success look like to you? Is it important for you as a writer?

Literary success? That’s... a very interesting question. I think I’d be satisfied and feel successful if one person told me that my book helped them through something.

Jokes on me, I’ve already had that, my books helped me, I have already succeeded, see you losers in hell.

Also fanart but uh who needs fanart when you draw enough for five armies?

9. Are there any scenes that you’ve had to edit out of your WIPs? Can you tell us about them if they don’t spoil the book?

YES oh lord yes okay so in Sonder, chapter 15, I decided around draft 2 that I wanted a scene where Atlas got drunk. I made up reasons for it, asked lots of friends about what it was like to be drunk (as I personally have never been drunk), attended parties to get first-hand research and did so much preparation.

Wrote the scene, was pleased with it, left it to fester. Two years and two drafts later (now), I’ve come back and realised oh hey that scene is utterly useless and de-rails the plot. Time to remove it I guess.

I rationalise it as ‘well you wrote it and you had fun but it’s not needed, move on’ and that works well for me.

10. Would you feel comfortable publishing or sharing your writing using your real name, or would you prefer a pseudonym?

Pseudonym 100%. As cool as it would be to be able to go ‘hey I wrote this’ to people, the terrifying ordeal of being known is horrific, and people being able to track all my past activity from when I was literally seven is my worst nightmare. I wouldn’t even tell family or friends if I could get away with it.

‘Hey [real name], there’s a book at Waterstones called Sonder? With the exact same characters, plot and writing style as you have? But it’s under [pseudonym]?’ ‘oh hey, really that’s wild. Anyway,’

11. When writing, do you try more to be original or do you prefer to deliver to readers what they want? Do you think that a book can do both? Which is more important to you as a writer?

Oh hey, this is like question two but MORE. Standing by my previous answer, I think a book can do both - people want a happy ending, usually, but you can always be original in how you do that. No two stories can be told in exactly the same way. And hey - even if people do guess what’s coming up, that’s good.

As a writer? It’s most important to entertain. I don’t try and catch people out, I just deliver the story I have in my head and then edit it mercilessly until I’m pleased.

Questions!

1) Design a mask for an OC to wear. Would it cover their whole face? Is it a mascarade mask? Is it fancy or simple? Bonus cool kid points if you draw it.

2) Which OCs like spicy food?

3) Which OCs can take care of a plant - an orchid, to be exact?

4) Do you tell stories in any other medium beyond writing? eg: art or roleplay or...?

5) Do you have any irl items that you have because ‘oh dude this is something that’d totally be in my story’? Can I see them?

6) What’s the first book you remember buying?

7) Do you have any weird collections of things? As an example, I have a skull collection and a collection of... what’s best described as doll body parts. Anything just... weird that you have a lot of? Can I see it?

8) Which OC gets distracted by watching birds and which OC is like ‘dude stop watching the birds we’ve got STUFF TO DO’

9) Have you ever met a published author? Who?

10) Are you a person who likes tea or are you a person who prefers coffee? If the latter - dude c’mon tea is so much better smh

11) Have you backed up your files recently? Do it now. Please, for the love of god, back up your files.

Tagging!

@hyba @joyful-soul-collector (dunno if I’m allowed to tag the people who tagged me but fukkit here’s some more questions you eggs) @kaatiba @albatris @timetravelingpigeon @note-katha (hi we have barely interacted but nice new username) @nymph-of-diana (on your main if you want, idm c:) @writing-and-nutmeg @futurity-writing @osteoprecocious and @thatfizzyyyy

Honestly, the fact I made it to 11 is - wowza. Uhhh if you don’t want to then don’t, if you do want to then PLEASE do and then tag me so I can see your answers, I’m curious.

Ciao.

#writing #am writing #my writing #writerblr #writeblr #tagged in #Wow this went on #but seriously this is possibly my favourite tag game #coming up with questions is hard but #hey piece of advice #put stuff you love into the questions #I like masks for example #so #questions about masks lezgo

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zekeyspaceylizard · 6 years ago

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I’m sure you’ve heard by now they are doing a live action Lilo and Stitch. So lets skip past the middleman and get to all the ways they could potentially screw it up. If Hollywood’s obsession with remakes the last decade has shown, at least 3 of these will probably happen.

1.) they make lilo and her family american. american as possible. living in the northeast or far south so they have identifiable accents. blondes.

2.) they try to make stitch look more like a dog and give him a more quadruped body and more bulldog-like face. bonus points for fangs jutting out of his mouth.

3.) they make stitch more alien, which for hollywood means more like a cloverfield monster or like the mios from godzilla. long bug arms and legs

4.) pleakley and dr.jumba do not appear in the film at all

5.) the unique colorful spaceships from the cartoon are replaced with videogame-esque space helicopters for "realism". expect lots of blue lights and turbine sounds with lense flairs.

6.) stitch now has superpowers and fires beams or corrosive goop from a part of his body. possibly bum for “comedy”

7.) the other 625 experiments play a large part in the film, and have a giant fight scene with an astronomical budget

8.) any and all mentions of elvis are removed so disney doesnt have to pay royalties.

9.) child protection services (and Cobra Bubbles) are now the villains and not just frustrated people trying to do their jobs

10.) at least one shootout with alien guns vs real human guns

11.) an E.T. reference in the trailer or film. glowing finger. trail of candy. just take a guess.

12.) stitch talks in full sentences. unfitting hot young celebrity doing a bad impersonation necessary. like with the Chipmunks films.

13.) stitch is made smaller and fluffier like a Pomeranian or a gerbil or sugar glider so its easier to make toys of him

14.) movie takes place in big crowded city instead of countryside or coast so stitch can cause as much damage to cars, buildings, and other dogs as possible and get the most out of their cgi budget. gotta have lots of shrapnel flying around.

15.) movie isnt about stitch learning not to be an asshole. its about nani and lilo learning to live with the fact their pet is an asshole. stitch stays the same.

16.) at least 5-6 jokes of stitch doing "dog" things wrong. like he pees on a fire hydrant and it melts or explodes into flames. or he plays fetch and drags back a hobo’s leg. snare drum. canned laughter.

17.) one reference to ALIEN where a smaller mouth comes out of stitch's mouth

18.) cgi on stitch is jurassic world tier and he looks like crap in every scene. everyone hopes its unfinished cgi. then the movie is released and the truth dawns on us.

19.) lilo is an outcast for trivial reasons and not because she's actually got interests normally considered bizarre amongst children. she will be as bland as possible. for relatability.

20.) Stitch now wears a space-suit at all times. It produces gadgets that help him do things. Nobody finds it weird for him to wear. Bonus points if his suit talks as well in a famous comedian’s voice.

21.) Angel, from the animated series, added to films plot to give Stitch a love interest. if not Angel, a new girl monster will be invented.

22.) stitch is now a species and not a science experiment and theres almost none of him left so we can shoehorn in a badly written message about conservation or poaching into the film's story

23.) stitch now eats something SILLY!!!!! to make kids laugh. like other dogs poop or car tires or something. remember the hong kong phooey and chipmunks trailers? yeah.

24.) rather than have stitch be destructive and dangerous, because we want kids to look up to him because hollywood are stupid, instead he is valuable for some reason but has the ability to be invisible to hide from things

25.) sideplot about FBI trying to track down and capture stitch like men in black but devoid of humor. so like Men in Black 2 basically. (men in black 3 was great)

26.) popular american pop star (gaga, del ray, good charlotte, kendrick lamar) does a cover of a famous hawaiian song for the movie’s theme and trailer. it will be forgotten a week after the film premier.

27.) lilo is played by like a 12-16 year old girl instead of a very wee child. her problems will be angsty teenage problems. she will be a snobby jerk to her sister the whole film.

28.) lilo and nani will be portrayed as being fairly middle-class and not basically living in poverty with broken inherited crap from their deceased parents.

29.) lilo and nani's parents are still alive but are simply absent for some reason. alternatively, nani is now written to be lilo’s mother instead.

30.) stitch is now grey instead of blue for realism. animals dont have colors in real life, and they sure as hell wont when they are a cgi monster either.

31.) any and all references or allusions to hawaiian culture and life is removed from the film so that chinese audiences will be more likely to see it and not be turned off by seeing people that arent them, thus potentially killing off most of the film’s potential profits

32.) no actual elvis songs in the film. instead terrible covers by modern day dubstep / r+b / country artists are included instead. bonus points if lilo or stitch sing off key in one of the songs

33.) movie is barely about lilo and stitch. it is about lilo's new love interest, some new character nobody gives 2 craps about. it worked for Ghost Rider / Green Lantern, right?

34.) lilos obsession with photographing people on the island is changed to her photographing animals which is how she finds stitch in the first place

35.) alien council want stitch back. not because he's a criminal or dangerous but because he stole [insert macguffin] and gosh they need it back right away!!! bonus points if this leads to a chase scene on surf boards.

36.) alien council dont decide to forgive stitch and leave him on earth. they try to take him back by force and have to be defeated/blown up by either stitch/lilo/the army

37.) Ohana and what it means is never mentioned in the entire duration of the film.

38.) Stitch now makes generic monster sounds you hear in every movie. are you tired of hearing elephant honks slowed down by 600% yet? TOO BAD.

39.) Stitch is played by an actual dog and they superimpose cgi quills and an extra pair of legs onto it. when he talks his mouth will be CGI and look kinda crap. like those AIR BUD movies.

40.) they make stitch more humanoid and the movie is now a romance between him and lilo. everyone will feel really uncomfortable.

#lilo and stitch #Disney #rant

79 notes · View notes

survey--s · 2 years ago

Text

337.

What is your current favorite song? Wellerman by Nathan Evans.

Do you develop severe withdrawal symptoms when you're weening off medicine? It depends on the medicine. I have done with some anti-depressants but other medication has been fine.

What are three of your favorite songs to sing? Mr Brightside - The Killers Iris - Goo Goo Dolls Jolene - Dolly Parton

Have you been outside today? Yeah, I walked the dog this morning, then went to feed Monty this afternoon before going to get some groceries.

If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada or Australia.

What color are your Converse? I have the classic black and white ones.

What color is your laptop? Silver with black keys.

What electronic gadget would you like to get next that you don't already have? The laptop will need replacing at some point in the next few years. It works fine but the battery is awful now.

Do you take a lot of pictures? Yeah, of the animals I care for at work, my own pets and nature/scenery stuff.

What is your favorite ride at the fair? Ferris wheels and the waltzers.

Have you ever made sand art at the fair? I have no idea what that is, so I‘m gonna assume we don’t have it here.

Would you ever marry someone who was lower class? Of course. Idid, really.

Do you have an afghan? No.

What color is your recliner? We don’t have one of those. Our sofa is grey, though.

Do you have a balcony? Nope. I would absolutely LOVE to have one though. My dream would be to be able to sit on the balcony with a coffee in the mornings. For now I have to sit in the garden and it’s not quite the same.

Who do you write letters to the most? I don’t write letters often.

Do you share your diary with anyone, or does no one ever read it but you? Nobody IRL knows I have a blog, but all you lot read it.

Are you jealous of anyone, even mildly? If so, who? Not really. I get more envious than jealous.

What color are your favorite shorts? Black.

Is there a guy you wish you hadn't let slip away? No.

Favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines anymore.

Have you ever done a craft you saw in a magazine? Maybe as a little kid, yeah. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? Yeah. I remember finding a recipe for chocolate soup in a magazine as a kid and insisting my mum make it, lol. It wasn’t as good as it looked, hahah.

Have you ever written to an advice columnist? Nope.

Do you think you would make a good advice columnist? Probably - I’m quite good with advice but I can be quite blunt which might not go down so well, haha.

Which do you prefer: English or math? English, for sure.

What color shirt brings out the color in your eyes? I have no idea.

Which store do you want to win a shopping spree at? Pick up to 3. Booths, Fat Face, H&M.

Are you jealous of someone who has more money than you? No. What color is your teddy bear? He’s pale brown/cream.

Who is a singer that has given you chills? Jeff Buckley.

Do you watch America's Got Talent? Nope.

Do you think you could win America's Got Talent? No.

What act would you perform in a talent show? I have no idea, dog training or something like that, maybe.

What area are you the most gifted in, do you think? Working with animals, for sure.

Have you ever practiced yoga? No, it doesn’t really appeal to me at all.

Do you find handstands scary? Not scary as such, but I really badly sprained my thumb doing a handstand as a little kid so I’ve never tried them since (apart from underwater) lol.

Do you think babies are cute or scary? Both, lol.

What is your favorite thing to buy at the Farmer's Market? Salami or fancy cheese, bread and olives.

Do you eat dessert every day? Not an actual dessert, but something sweet, yeah.

Do you get carsickness? Yeah, especially if I have to sit in the backseat or if I try to read or something like that.

What color is the rim of your full-length mirror? It doesn’t have one, actually.

Who do you have a crush on at the moment? My husband? lol.

Did your Barbies get crushes on each other and go on dates? Nah, I never really played much with barbies.

Did you ever play church with your dolls? No.

What was the name of your first imaginary friend? Rosie.

What is your state's bird (if you live in the US)? I don’t live in the States.

Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? Mine was short and cute.

What's a good boy's name that starts with the same letter as yours? Nicholas.

Have you ever wondered what "Better in Stereo" means? I can’t say that I have.

Do you sing into your hairbrush? I mean, I did as a teenager but not recently lol.

Green or red? Red.

Forgiveness or revenge? Forgiveness.

Do you wish on stars? I don’t. I like staring at them, though.

Do you enjoy editing videos? I do not.

Do you enjoy editing photos? I wouldn’t say I enjoy it, but I do it for work.

What photo editing site do you use, if any? Canva or just Instagram.

Do you have photoshop? No. Do you use iMovie? Nope. What is something you enjoy doing? Cuddling with my animals.

Do you pray a lot? No.

Do you cry out to God in desperation frequently? I’m not religious and this survey is reaaally boring lol.

Does your make-up stay on when you cry? No.

Do you want to be friends with someone who doesn't feel the same? No.

Were your favorite celebrities when you were growing up the same age as you? No, generally anywhere between 5-15 years older.

If you had a twin sister, what would she be named? Who knows.

What is your birth order in the family? I’m the only child.

If you gave birth, do you think you would want it filmed? No.

Are you a woman? Yes.

#survey #surveys

0 notes

cherryninie · 7 years ago

Text

false pretenses (iii)

genre | rating: angst & fluff | light M

length: 3037 words

pairing: chanyeol x reader

summary: “they said the price of love is loss, but still we pay. we love anyway”

| part i: he called you thunder | part ii: wrong assumptions | part iii: favourite chaos

snippet:

“He’s miserable,” Baekhyun sighed, his voice took a tone that you had never heard before – a mixture of worry and weariness.

“Why? ‘Cause I said something that hurt his feelings?” you mocked, jutting your bottom lip. However, when Baekhyun seemed annoyed by your childish remark, you shrugged in irritation, “Tell your friend to grow the fuck up.”

“You should go see him,”

Baekhyun’s voice brought you out of your reverie. You didn’t realise that you had been staring into the blank space, enjoying the quietude of the library for hours now. It wasn’t until Baekhyun practically slamming his books on your table before sitting across you that you realised that you hadn’t written anything in your notebook, which beat the purpose of coming here in the first place. You thought the silence of the library would help you write your new journal entry for your blog, but your brain had been buzzing with nothingness of hours now.

You were frustrated that you hadn’t made any progress, so you surely weren’t interested in what Baekhyun wanted to say.

“See who?”

“Chanyeol, who else?” Baekhyun replied impatiently, tapping the table to get you to look at him when you turned to put your book away. Sighing, you reluctantly gave him your attention. He was, after all, Chanyeol’s friend. They’re all the same. They never knew when to stop.

Still, among all his friends, Baekhyun was the only one you could stand. Perhaps it’s because he wasn’t exactly in your brother’s ‘clique’ like Chanyeol was. Perhaps it’s because he was always kind and polite to you whenever you see him. Perhaps he’s the only one who understood both you and Chanyeol enough to become the mediator whenever you and Chanyeol had a disagreement. All in all, Baekhyun was your close friend, but the thought of him being Chanyeol’s friend too sometimes annoyed you, considering that you hadn’t talked to Chanyeol ever since your outburst at the basketball court three months ago.

“He’s miserable,” Baekhyun sighed, his voice took a tone that you had never heard before – a mixture of worry and weariness.

“It’s not that,” Baekhyun dismissed your accusation immediately, “Didn’t your brother tell you what happened during the rally two weeks ago?”

“Didn’t bother to ask.” You replied nonchalantly, “What happened in his little rally?”

“It wasn’t little,” Baekhyun said, “No, really!” he added when you scoffed, “This rally was more serious that their previous ones. Apparently, it involved someone’s scholarship money being scammed by the university management or something, so there was a huge turn-up. It’s unbelievable, really, but when they’re just starting, the police came to break them up.”

Pain flashed in Baekhyun’s eyes as he continued, “You know the situation in our town. Money is a sensitive issue, and everyone was so angry,” he closed his eyes, as if the memory was too traumatic for him to remember, “I didn’t know how and who did it, but someone threw something, and that something exploded. It was… it was chaos.”

“Oh my God.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun nodded, “They got away from serious charges because your dad took their case. I suppose the university wanted them to shut up, so they weren’t kicked off their programme, but… you should see Chanyeol. He was injured pretty badly. Been in hospital for a week before he’s allowed to go home.”

Your heart was beating fast, uneasiness settled in your gut at the thought of Chanyeol on the hospital bed, bleeding and bruised.

Still, your ego got the best of you, so you tried to erase the image off your head and said, “Well, maybe that ought to teach you pretty boys that politics are not some game that you play when you’re bored and in desperate need to prove your masculinity,” your voice shook slightly, but you managed to keep a poker face, “I hope Chanyeol learns something from this and stops sticking his nose in things that are out of his control.”

“Why’re you so angry at him?” Baekhyun ran his hands through his hair, “I’m telling you, you’re wrong about him.” He repeated, sounding exasperated by this entire situation.

However, when you remained passive, he thought your conversation was going nowhere, so he slid you a piece of paper with some words written on it, “That’s his new address. Trust me, it would mean a lot to him if you go visit him.”

You sighed and took the piece of paper before stuffing it in your jeans pocket. Baekhyun muttered a thank you, giving you a small smile when you took the paper from his hand. He stayed for a while, but then he got bored, so he got up and went out. As soon as he was out, you searched your pocket for the paper and looked at it.

��Dammit.” You cursed, getting up from your chair and went out the door. You got to your car, typed in the address into the GPS, and drove off, listening to the instruction that the gadget told you.

You expected to be taken a posh apartment that was impossible for a normal student to afford. Ever since your brother told you that Chanyeol had moved out from the apartment that they shared, you immediately concluded that he didn’t like sharing an apartment where anybody could easily intrude his privacy, like you did when you two first met. It was such a lame excuse, in your opinion, but then again, Chanyeol was rich enough to buy a whole apartment for himself, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

You had all these images in your head, which was why when you found yourself driving to the quieter, dingier side of the town, you were surprised. Your heart hammered in your chest when you realised that you had to stop in front of an old five storey building that was in serious need of proper maintenance. There weren’t many people in the streets, but those that were looked utterly suspicious, and you suddenly felt really unsafe in this neighbourhood.

Alright, what the fuck was this place?

You checked the address again to make sure if Baekhyun gave you the right address. Unfortunately for you, you were at the right place, although this was the last place you thought Chanyeol would even step a foot on.

You had half the heart to press the pedal and drive back to the university. However, Baekhyun’s voice played in your head like a broken record.

It’d mean a lot to him if you go visit him.

Even if you tried, you didn’t have it in you to just drive off. Besides, your curiosity got to you, so, scared as you were, you parked your car and made your way towards the entrance of the building.

You went up to the fourth floor, knocked on apartment 21B. It took you a few knocks before tall, lanky boy with sharp features open the door. Despite his intense, piercing gaze, he didn’t look intimidating in the slightest. Instead, he looked young, kind, and curious – like someone you could trust.

But then again, you had read a lot of stories about serial killers that looked like a proper gentleman at first. You knew better.

“Can I help you?” his deep voice cut through your trance, bringing you back to reality.

“I… I think I got wrong apartment,” you finally said, refusing to believe that Chanyeol was living here. You wanted to walk away, but you looked at the paper Baekhyun gave again. There was no way that you got the wrong apartment, but everything just didn’t make sense that you felt like there was a mistake somewhere.

“Who’re you looking for?”

“Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol,” you found yourself replying. A glint of recognition appeared in the man’s eyes, and he turned before yelling, “Hyung! Someone’s here for you!”

“Come on in,” he invited, stepping aside to make way for you. You realised that you were shaking from head to toe, scared that you were in an unfamiliar part of the town. You had heard many unpleasant stories about these streets. They did nothing to assure you that you’re going to be fine. You wondered what Chanyeol was doing here, and why was he not with his family at their usual luxurious mansion that your brother couldn’t stop talking about after spending some time during his holidays with Chanyeol.

Still, as it was, you put your brave face on, preparing yourself to fight if anything should happen.

“Can I get you anything?” the tall guy asked, “Coffee? Tea? I’m making juice if you’d like some?”

“No. No, I’m good. Um, where’s Chanyeol?”

“Oh, his room is the third from the right,” he gestured the direction to you. You nodded, thanked him as you reluctantly made your way there. He gave you a kind, reassuring smile before leaving to the kitchen – the smile that you tried to return but failed because the muscles around your lips suddenly turned stiff.

Gosh, you didn’t even ask for his name.

You made your way to Chanyeol’s bedroom, and knocked the door. He opened it seconds later, and you couldn’t help the gasp that escaped you when you saw him.

He didn’t look like himself. His face was severely bruised. Although the bruise had resided a little, it was still so obvious that his face looked bloated and blue. There were burn marks on his left bicep, scratches on the right. His legs were still bandaged, and he looked like he was in pain every time he moved.

“What in the fresh Hell happened to you?” you found yourself asking, closing the door behind you when he turned to sit on his bed. He couldn’t stand for too long, you gathered, as he heaved a relieved sigh once he got to sit down. Pain flashed on his face, that despite whatever painkiller he was on, they weren’t enough to make all of it go away.

You dragged a chair and placed it in front of him. Taking a seat, you looked at him, clasping your hands on your thighs so that they wouldn’t reach out to him to inspect his wounds.

“Chanyeol, what happened?”

He sighed, “A fight broke out. Was trying to break it up when the explosion happened.” Your eyes darted to the burn mark on his left arm. At that, you couldn’t help myself. You reached out to check it, but Chanyeol quickly moved his hand away, still not looking at you, “Doesn’t matter though. I’ll get over it.”

“Would it leave scars?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Chanyeol replied, too calmly for your liking, as if his injury was the least of his worries. You got a feeling that he didn’t want to talk about his accident any further, so you stayed silent, until he asked, “What’re you doing here?”

You blinked. “I came to check on you.”

“Did Baekhyun put you up to this?” Chanyeol asked. By the raised tone of his voice, you concluded that he was angry. It occurred to you that Baekhyun had broken a promise to not tell you about what happened to Chanyeol.

“He did. Don’t get mad at him though. He didn’t force me to check on you. I wanted to come myself,”

“Why? So you can make fun of me and my ‘little’ cause?”

His words stung, to be honest. But you couldn’t blame him for thinking such things about you. You had hurt him in your last encounter, said some terrible things that you didn’t even mean, and still refused to apologise until today. By right, you’re not allowed to feel offended when he was cold with you now.

“I was wrong about you, wasn’t I?” you finally said, looking around his small room that could only fit a single bed, a small closet, and a study table. Hell, this room was so cramped that there was barely enough room for you. It occurred to you that he might not be a rich brat that you accused him to be, because if he was, there was no way that he would choose this place over the apartment he shared with your brother, no matter how much he insisted he wanted his privacy.

“You were, but that doesn’t matter now.” He said, his voice barely audible. He sounded broken when he retreated further away from you. Seeing him like this broke your heart.

“No, it does matter. Why didn’t you tell me that I was wrong?” You asked, “I said some terrible things to you, and none of them was true.”

“What good could it be? I know you – once you made your mind about something, it’s hard to change it back,” he replied, still not looking at you.

“You’re wrong. I’m not that stubborn.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” he said with a bitter laugh, “But like I said, it doesn’t matter.”

“No, it matters because I said some really hurtful stuff. I hated you for the wrong reasons! Thought you’re some kind of pretentious rich kid, when you’re really…”

“… just a stupid rich kid who has his own dad disown him because he doesn’t want to pursue politics like he did.” Chanyeol finished your sentence, chuckling bitterly at that thought.

You were rendered speechless.

It took you about a minute to process what he just said, “I – I didn’t know that,” you mumbled, looking down as you played with the hem of your blouse, embarrassed that you had made such bad judgment about him, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he sighed, “After what you said at the basketball court, I gotta admit, I took it pretty hard. But mostly because you said what I hadn’t had the guts to face all my life. I didn’t even want to study law. I took it because my dad said so, and just recently, he told me that I should venture to politics when I’m older, do the same things he does. I thought about what you said, about what it means to make changes – and I realise that this is not for me.”

He shrugged as he leaned against the headboard, “I’m not like my friends, y’know? I’m close to your brother, but even in our group of friends, I always feel like I’m the odd one out. You never hang out with us, so you don’t know. You’re not to blame here. Either way, when I told Dad that I don’t want to study law anymore, he kicked me out and… well, here I am.”

His words struck you more than you expected they would. You realised how wrong you were about him, how you let your prejudice got the best of you and prevented you from making rationale judgment. You felt bad, but when Chanyeol looked at you and smiled, he assured you that he didn’t blame you at all.

For some reason, that made your heart sink even further into your gut.

You fought the urge to cry. You didn’t think you could even look at him without feeling so ashamed, so you looked down at your feet and said, “For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. It took courage to speak up in front of the crowd although the police kept telling you no. I’m happy that you’re pursuing your passion, and you didn’t let your family get in the way of that. I wish I had that same strength.”

He was silent, so you continued, “I’m so, so sorry.”

Your voice broke at that, and you realised that your eyes were misting over with tears. Chanyeol noticed that too, which was why despite him being in pain, he leaned forward and held your hand in his.

“Hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” he said kindly, “I’m alright.”

If it were up to him, he’d reach forward and pull you into a hug. However, he was unsure of how you would react, so he stayed in his spot. His hands were warm against your cold ones, bringing you some comfort over the heaviness that you felt in your heart. You had no idea how long you two stayed that way, but after a while, Chanyeol said, “I meant everything I said in the rally, though. I really do want to see a better world, I want to make people happy, and I want to end their pain – no matter whether it’s temporary or permanent. I know that it seems impossible now, but, doesn’t hurt to dream, y’know? Maybe I can’t change it through politics like my father does, but I’ll find a way somehow.”

You smiled, “Y’know, people say that if you believe in your dreams hard enough, it will come true.” You heaved a sigh, “If you think you can do it, then as a friend, I will support you.”

“Oh, we’re friends now?” he said, that glint of mischief was back in his eyes, “BFF’s?”

You scoffed as you pulled your hands away from his and pushed his shoulder lightly, “Don’t push your luck.”

His grin grew wider, “So, if we’re friends, does that mean I can never ask you out again?”

He’s testing you, you knew. Chuckling, you said, “I wouldn’t say that.”

“So you’re saying that if I ask you out again…”

“Like I said,” You raised your voice as you interrupted his words, ignoring the way he was smirking at you, and how your face heated up the longer he stared at you, “Don’t give up on your dreams. And life’s full of surprises, who knows what I’d say ten, twenty years from now?”

He laughed at that, “You’re really something, you know that?”

“I suppose I am,” you said with your chin tilted high, “I’m a little bit of a chaos myself, Chanyeol. So, you really up to be my friend?”

Chanyeol simply smiled and nodded as he took your hand in his. You tried to ignore how much you liked it when he did that, or how your heart beat faster when he traced his thumb on the surface of your palm, or how you absolutely loved it when he looked at you with such admiration in his eyes.

You couldn’t believe the effect he had in you. In a way, in your life, he was a little bit of a chaos too.

And well, he was your favourite kind of chaos.

143 notes · View notes

darkcloud-kcalifornia · 7 years ago

Text

OK, who’s ready for some more Nanoha?

…Anybody?

Well too bad, that’s what you’re getting tonight, and your gonna finish it, or there’s no dessert for you! Now sit down and consume your “Development”!

* We get previous episode summation from Rein writing in her work diary. It is not as cute as other things involving her as she’s just sitting and typing, but she gets adorable again once there’s somebody to be adorable at.

* Elsewhere we discover the holodeck has more than one setting, and is currently being used to create forests.

* In said forest Subaru is having the supremely unfair task of learning defense by having to defend herself against the member of the Wolkenritter that specialized in bunker busting. Also, it’s kinda hard to stand your ground when you have wheels on your feet. Just sayin’.

* Vita lectures Subaru on the finer points of being the party tank. And if she doesn’t learn it well she gets to find out what warhammers taste like.

* Elsewhere on the holodeck Fate is teaching Erio and Caro how to DOOOOODGE. I’m sorry, but thanks to Team Four Star I can’t help but think of their version of Piccolo whenever it comes to thinks like this. Er, anyway, beyond that she’s explaining that their roles, mobile offense and support, means they have to be able to get around the battlefield quickly and always be on the move, rather than stand in one place like the girl with roller blades.

* By actual contrast, Nanoha is teaching Tea that she has to remain in one spot if she wants to be able to aim effectively, so the defense she’s being taught is quickly shooting down enemy attacks and being more aware of her surroundings.

* Meanwhile Signum and Vice watch from a distance, and Signum claims she doesn’t have much to teach the kids that use such different styles from her other than “close in and kill”, which probably isn’t the best think to teach kids.

* The lesson ends with the kids exhausted and the adults looking fresh as daisies. Fate reminds them not to overdo it, they’ve still got a lot of growing to do, especially her little Lightnings.

* OK, I know they’re growing kids and all, heck, even have a couple of teenagers in there, but I’m guessing that this is one of those series where you can cast from calories.

* Over the very large lunch there’s expository banter about how Hayate trained in Subaru’s father’s unit, and how the Nakajima family had ancestors from Earth, hence their last name, though Subaru and her dad have never actually been there.

* Subaru deflects the topic by asking Erio where he’s from. He says he was actually raised in the special care center of the TSAB Main Office until he was eight, and Shari pipes in that after that Fate became his legal guardian. Apparently she’s a real soft case for kids in tough circumstances because of course she is.

* Elsewhere Hayate has a meeting with Major Nakajima to request help with investigating smuggling routes, the specialty of his unit, so she can track down just where these Relics are coming from. He agrees to help, and Subaru’s big sister Ginga is going to act as the liaison between them.

* Nakajima points out something very odd with the TSAB, mages climb ranks real quick. His daughter Ginga is barely younger than Hayate, but Hayate has already managed to shoot past him in rank to Lt. Colonel. But then Hayate points out that with the mages rank tends to just be an empty title and she’s still mostly treated like a young girl by the other officers. I do have to wonder why that is. There are better ways to reward valued members of an organization than inflated rank, especially when that rank carries very little in the way of actual authority. Or is this an instance of the rules mucking things up, like tying pay or other benefits in to rank and thus necessitating the inflation of rank to make sure the mages don’t leave for jobs with better pay elsewhere?

* That night Fate and Shari are facing frustration over the Relics, in that they have no idea what they’re for. They don’t seem to be just energy crystals, and they can’t figure out any internal mechanisms either. Stupid ancient lost magitek… why can’t they ever come across ancient lost tech manuals?

* There is something else they do find though, among the photos of one of the wrecked Gadgets from the last fight. They’re being powered by one of the Jewel Seeds. DUN DUN DUN! (I hope I didn’t just spend the episodes dramatic chord early)

* Also significant, the mad scientist responsible went and put his name on an internal plate: Jail Scaglietti. Because if you’re gonna make attack robots and are already wanted for dozens of things, why not stick your name on there. Ain’t like your gonna serve any more time if they catch you, and it’s a nice bit of ego boosting. This guy is on the top of the TSAB’s Most Wanted list, and he’s Fate’s personal white whale, though she doesn’t feel like saying why.

* Fate has enough sense to point out that it wasn’t necessarily Jail who put his name there, as it could be somebody else wanting to throw them off track. Buuuuut we saw him at the end of the last episode and Fate brings up a mug shot so yeah, it’s him. Thumbing his nose at Fate.

* Also ominous, as Fate drives with Shari back to Riot Force 6 HQ she mentions that part of Jail’s specialties is life and cloning.

* The tubes labeled V and XII are conspicuously devoid of naked girls in the closeups. Though not so much in the long shot as they seem to have taken a little shortcut and copied the numbers from one side to the other. Wait… why would an alien mad scientist be using Roman numerals in the first place?

* Also also ominous, Jail apparently has a client in this endeavor.

* We also finally get a brief look at the purple haired girl from the opening, in a tattered robe walking down a city street next to a larger, similarly dressed figure.

* On a more lighthearted subject, after the Riot Force kids stumble towards their bunks for the night Vita asks Nanoha why she isn’t giving them the riot act on every single point of procedure and disciple like they got in the academy. Nanoha’s response is that she isn’t there to teach them how to be soldiers, and really when you think about it Tea and Subaru at least should have already gotten that. Nanoha’s job is to teach them how to fight, and thus all her effort is put towards that goal. And that’s not just Nanoha’s take on things, that’s pretty much the official stance for everyone in her position.

* Vita may an ancient knight, but she’s also still very headpat-able. Not that she likes it, but if she didn’t want head pats she should have tried being less loli.

And with that condescending note that’s the end of the episode. This one gets back to exposition mode, but we’re given an official introduction to the villain this time around. And there really is something to be said for mad scientists as villains. I mean sure, when you do it badly it’s just as eye roll worthy as other badly written villains, but when pulled off well they can be extremely fun. Like Professor Tomoe from Sailor Moon. But is Jail one of the good examples of an evil mad scientist? Heck if I know, I didn’t get that far in this season. I think I stopped a few episodes form here the last time I watched this. Sometime shortly after the adoption. But back to this episode, it’s not bad, if not exactly thrilling to those who don’t like exposition and looking for tiny odd details while doing reaction posts.

#tv talk #episode reactions #magical girl lyrical nanoha #nanoha strikers #nanoha s3 e6 #development

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axolotiels · 8 years ago

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I haven’t written anything happy in about 4 years; that being said, here’s my half of an art trade with @darknutter!

Our 2 VFD agents aren’t having a very good day. ;0

Their supervisor had given them two basic tasks, two of the most basic tasks that the organization of VFD could possibly give their agents: 1, stay away from the source of the fire, and 2, do not get attached to your partner. Kingsleigh and Auther , both caked in soot and trying to hush their breathing in a darkened alleyway, had done neither of these things.

Earlier in the day, things had not been so bad. On the contrary, they were going quite well. Kingsleigh was working his shop in Unlisted; blending teas, making pastries in advance, tallying ingredients, the basic things one does when owning a tea shop. The sky was unusually clear, and perhaps that should have been the first sign that something was to go completely and utterly awry.

It had also been an unusually busy business day for Kingsleigh, as more of the town's inhabitants saw fit to leave the cozy cool of their homes in favor of a stretch in the sun and a walk on the beach. The barista had just made a cup of black coffee for old Mrs. Abernathy, the lady who ran the tourist shop up the street.

Mrs. Abernathy smiled softly at him and took her coffee, beginning to hobble back toward the shop that she ran with her husband, who had presumably remained behind to man the station. Kingsleigh wiped his forehead and put her money in the register when his eyes were drawn back toward the window.

"Evenin', how can I h-"

Upon looking up, he saw a figure that had an itchy looking gray scarf over their face, wore a long-coat, a trilby hat, some black goggles that reflected most of what they saw, and despite all of this, said figure still managed to look impeccably worried.

Kingsleigh's throat went dry. He reached his hand to the outside of the shop, flipped the little hanging sign to 'closes', then jerked his head to the back of the shop. The figure nodded and scrambled into the thin alleyway beside it. The barista drug down the shutters at the front of his shop and was mostly consumed by the darkness and smell of herb blends therein.

He unlocked the back door and wiped his hands on his apron. Without so much as a knock, the hooded figure stepped inside and started dismantling the disguise. The hat, goggles, and scarf were hurriedly yanked off and they dangled from her head; her black hair was mussed by the rather fast taking off of the headgear, and other than her eyes, most of her was still cloaked in shadow. Eyes are said to be the windows to the soul; if that old adage is true, there would have been a very worried soul indeed.

"We have to get them moved." The figure said softly, leaning against the door.

Kingsleigh looked surprised when in reality he was very not-surprised. "When?"

"By tomorrow. Is Snicket still with them?"

He nodded, suddenly feling quite ill as he tried to recall his training. "Who sent the order?"

The figure, who had since started trying to put back her hair and to reassemble the scarf ensemble, answered uncertainly, "I don't know. It wasn't our regular supervisor."

Kingsleigh crossed his arms. "That doesn't sound very like them."

"No, it doesn't." The goggles were back on.

Taking a deep breath, suddenly his eyebrows knitted together. "What were the other orders?"

The figure stopped fiddling with her face-gear and pondered for a second. She looked at a small machine in the back corner of the shop, a thing commonly used to send and receive telegrams. "You weren't sent any instructions at all?"

Kingsleigh held out one finger, as if this would somehow help them. He looked confused. "No… that… Auther, that wasn't our supervisor."

She crossed her arms over her chest an huffed a bit. "I… but what if something happened to them? We have to move the Baudelaires and Snicket. Soon."

"What were the sup's other orders?" Kingsleigh asked again, getting more anxious by the minute.

"Move them to the east." And with that, she seemed to finally realize what the problem was. Her hand want to her forehead and she slumped against the door. "Oh my god. The east? The bloody east? The only thing east is Romulan Rough."

Romulan Rough was a series of sharp flint cliffs that bordered the eastern side of unlisted. It kept the town from getting blown away by extreme winds and acted as a buffer, as well as helped the down's carving supply. To move the Baudelaires and Snicket there would only achieve them getting their clothes cut to bits, or perhaps get them to fall into the sea and the series of fallen flint chunks therein.

Kingsleigh pondered a bit and asked, "Where are the Baudelaires now?"

"Their apartment still. Why?"

Kingsleigh lifted up the blinds of the tea shop and peered toward the rough, silent. "Maybe we uh…. Go up there to scope the place out first. Make sure that it's safe."

Auther quit leaning on the door and the light glinted mischievously off her goggles. "Perhaps we also bring a few necessities.. After all, you never know when one might need some rope, a knife, a jar of pickles, or some arsenic laced green tea, right?"

Kingsleigh had already begun acquiring those items and putting him into a shoulder bag while hanging his apron on the wall. "Maybe we can to without the pickles. They're a bit heavy."

******************************************************************************************

The climbing itself to get to the top of Romulan Rough was not that difficult. Even the tracking part of the ascent that Auther handled was not that difficult. What was difficult, however, was climbing and not cutting themselves very badly. Kingsleigh watched the sharp edges of the bluff while trying not to touch the sharp hand holds while keeping a sharp lookout for danger. It was a very edgy afternoon overall, and with the sun on their backs, the climb was made no easier.

Auther at least had a hat, but Kingsleigh was just trying not to accidentally fall and cut himself six ways to Sunday. "Definitely not gonna fall, nope. Not gonna fall and shred myself before tumbling into the sea and shredding myself more."

"What?" Auther stopped, the end of her scarf billowing in the wind.

"Nothing. Just keep looking. F-for something."

"Whoever they were, they were wearing really big shoes." She'd seen several scuff marks and old blood along the trail they now trekked.

Anyone who known anything about the VFD organization knows that the fires that they put out do not at all begin in the establishment that they consume. A good 9 times out of 10, the fires are started from a great distance away, and while the Romulan Rough was not too far from the seaside town itself, it was far enough from the apartment that Kingsleigh and Auther's charges and mentor lived in. One may find issue with the building being made of brick, and therefor it should not have been able to catch fire. The response to that issue is the same response to the universe where Joseph Stalin cured cancer, the answer being 'don't think about it'.

Auther and Kingsleigh both were quite worried that whoever dared to climb the cliffs as up to no good, and especially considering their supervisor hadn't answered their inquiry for more information, one could assume that their worry was properly placed. Both of them would occasionally look to the right at one of the rickety trams that would pass by empty, wishing they could have used that to get to the top of the cliffs instead. But whoever they were following didn't use the tram, so neither would they.

Upon reaching a markedly more flat stretch of flint, Auther stood up and looked at the cuts on her hands. "Gross. Once we're done here, you think I could pester you for a cup of rose tea?"

Kingsleigh followed suit, looking a lot less cut up; the red on whatever footholds let him know which ones were exceedingly sharp. "Sure. Don't have any rose cakes though."

"If I just… ate a rose."

He looked a bit alarmed for a second. "I wouldn't recommend that, they're toxic."

She lifted the goggles from her face and revealed her tired looking green eyes. "But boiling them in tea is fine?"

Kingsleigh scoffed and gave her a friendly shove. "I'm not actually boiling toxic flowers. I've had more than enough of people eating flowers to last me a lifetime."

"Michigan was weird."

"Yeah, it really was."

They stood in silence for a few seconds before Kingsleigh decided to rummage through his shoulder bag; he drew out some rope that he figured they may need soon, as well as the thermos of green tea. Auther looked at it warily. "Didn't you put arsenic in that?"

He frowned, opened the thermos, and squinted. "I can't remember. Best not try if I can't remember."

"You didn't bring those nifty gadgets you made?" She said good-naturedly, and leaned against the cliff.

Kingsleigh gulped and sheepishly put the thermos of tea that may have been mixed with arsenic (Or some poisonous substitute thereof) back into his bag. "I didn't think we'd be eating on top of Romulan Rough with our hands all cut up while we're trying to stop a fire."

"Me neither. Then again, we never thought we'd see Lemony Snicket in person and not in an obituary, but here we are."

The barista snorted. "I'll say; once you saw that it was actually him and not just some randy standing in the street that day, I thought the telegram would never end."

Auther stuck out her tongue at him, a gesture that was accepted despite the fact that it was incredibly hard to see through the scarf. "What can I say? I thought he was a ghost."

"You're a ghost."

"Rude!"

It was about that time that a bright light caught their eyes, being rather rude and interrupting their conversation. It wasn't being shone at them so much as past them, but it was still seen. It came from the cliff above them and aimed at a red brick apartment block on the far side of town. The agents both froze and looked at each other before reaching the silent agreement that most agents have to make once in their careers: which one of them would have to fistfight the fire-starter.

Without much more hesitation, Auther decided she would step up to plate. She scrambled up the side of the cliff, leaving red hand prints in her wake. Kingsleigh went around the long way and became more concerned when he heard not only scuffling, but the sound of rock crunching underfoot.

He rounded a sharp corner and clambered up to level ground with a tangle of rope leading out of his pocket. There was a burly man who also happened to be wearing a long-coat, though this one was the color of the flint they now stood on. Unfortunately enough for Auther, he also seemed to be very good at fist-fighting. Auther had her hands up to guard her face and was hunkered down but she was also very dangerously toward the edge of the cliff. The side where the fellow in gray was standing was mostly shale but also fell back to sparse dry grass made up the top of the cliffs.

The man in shale threw a punch; Auther blocked, but was forced back a foot. On the back of his long coat was an insignia that had been a bad idea to put there; an eye.

Of COURSE it's one of these idiots. We thought they were all dead, but NO. One of Count Olaf's stragglers or some other moron their side of the schism just HAS to have the Baudelaire fortune. This, in reality, may or may not have been what was going on, but it was certainly going on inside Kingsleigh's head.

He ultimately just ended up chucking a chunk of flint at the fellow, who did not appreciate it at all. The sun high in the sky glinted sharply off of something near his feet on the ground. Kingsleigh froze, calculated how cut up he would be if he followed through with his actions, and ultimately decided that a few cuts would be worth it. So he rolled forward with his hands stretched out toward the shiny thing and his chin tucked close to his shirt.

The man in the long-coat jerked back as Auther finally landed a hit straight to the ribs, and upon noticing the theft of his object, dove for Kingsleigh instead. One side of it was yanked incredibly hard, and Kingsleigh yanked it back. Through the sunlight and the glinting and the shadow, he couldn't see the fellow's face, but what he did see resembled a hook coming out of the gray coat's sleeves. The look was short lived as one of the stranger's knees buckled with a pop and he cried out in pain.

Auther had reeled back and had kicked the back of his knee; that was her favorite move. It's my favorite move too, now. Kingsleigh thought passively, and he scrambled to his feet whilst trying to shove the shiny thing in her bag. He knew that shiny thing; it was the same metal and glass contraption that had started many a fires on behalf of the already besmirched name of VFD. If he never saw another one, it would be too soon.

In a panic, Auther had yanked Kingsleigh up by the shoulder and rushed him toward the sloping side of the bluff; her hands left red smears on his shirt, but she looked none the better herself, so he ignored it for now. They made a dash for the hill and started a panicked descent.

If one has ever gone down a set of uneven stairs or otherwise the side of a gully at high speed, one knows that unless their feet are moving as quickly as their momentum is forcing them to, that they would fall. To fall down the side of a gully would be bad enough, but to fall down the scraping sides of a flint cliff with your outfit already in tatters would dice one up finer than a blender.

Most of the descent passed in a blur, up until the point that they noticed something else shining in the grass at the foot of Romulan Rough. It was dull at first, but it slowly grew and swelled, and they both came to a gravelly and horrified stop. Yellow tongues of fire had begun to blossom like destructive flowers in the bushes and smoke rose into the clear sky. Kingsleigh rummaged through his bag desperately, and saw a rope, a knife, a thermos, a first aid kit … and one handle of the shiny fire starting device. His heart leapt into his throat as he looked back at the top of the cliff where the figure stood holding it above his head, pointing it at the grass below the bluff.

Auther grabbed his wrist, but didn't move forward; instead she took the hat from her head and shoved it at him. "W-we can make it if we rush. It's just starter we… we-we can clear a bunch of it before it gets going but you've gotta cover your mouth with the hat."

He did, but noticed that she didn't seem to be moving. The fire reflected in her goggles and blood dripped slowly from her hands. She's going into shock. He thought, and gave her a quick punch to the shoulder. "You're never getting that rose tea if you don't jump." He said in a sing-song mocking voice.

At that, they both began charging down the bluff again, growing closer and closer as the fire grew larger and larger. Embers were floating into the air on columns of smoke and ash, but they tried to focus on the actual paved path beyond it. There was a rock slightly above the rest of the slope, and as soon as they touched it, they vaulted over the now angry brush fire.

Kingsleigh landed hard on his knees but tried to roll, a little dismayed when he was greeted with a mouthful of ashes. Eventually though, he did hit pavement, and he forced himself to his feet while wiping his mouth out on his extremely dirty sleeve. He'd have to drink 10 cups of tea to get the taste out of his mouth. Coughing and sputtering, he looked around anxiously for his partner, and when he didn't see her, he called out.

"Auther? Auther, can you hear me?"

A clump of brown and gray had started to crawl from off to the side, and he dashed over. "You cleared it a bit too well." He said, and winced when he saw the tremendously deep cut in her hand; she'd also landed on a rock, and just their luck it was a piece of flint as well.

Auther's legs had been smudged with ash as well, but they had indeed cleared the fire. "We need to go, we gotta go get the Baudelaires now." She mumbled, wrapping the dangling end of her scar around her hand as quickly as possible.

Kingsleigh spared a glance back up at the cliff, and the figure had disappeared. The fire had mostly burned away the thin brush at the foot of the cliffs, but still looked to be spreading among the underbrush. Gulping, he forced them both to hobble toward the nearest-by part of the town that was unfortunately down part of a hill. One of his knees was making a rather disconcerting popping as they wobbled, and things began to blur again.

He didn't remember how they'd gotten into the alley. He didn't even remember sitting down. But both Agent Kingsleigh and Agent Auther was slumped behind the broad side of a dumpster, trying to catch their breath. They were both shaking and bleeding and trying to correct whatever bones they had possibly dislocated; this had all been covered in basic training, of course.

Basic training or not, Kingsleigh was getting very concerned about the cut in Auther's hand; it had bled through the scarf, even after she had taken it completely off and looped the whole thing around her hand. She was shaking lightly as she leaned against the brick.

"This was a really dumb idea. This was a really, really dumb idea, I am so sorry." She muttered, holding the hand close to her chest.

"It was my idea." Kingsleigh mumbled, his head hanging as he rubbed at his knee. "If anyone's sorry, it should be me."

"Call it quits, move the Baudelaires, and say we both fucked up?"

He looked at her, surprised. She didn't usually swear, not unless she was feeling very under the weather. Swearing makes for lazy emphasis, and as a writer, that's a very bad thing to have.

"You're gonna be ok." Kingsleigh said to her, and finally thought it appropriate to hand her some damp gauze from the first aid kit. He'd forgotten about it, honestly; one tends to forget things when running fifty-an-hour down a mountain made of knives.

Even though her face was still swallowed by shadow, he could tell she was smiling, just a bit. It was a sad smile. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." She took the gauze with her free hand and set to work on properly dressing the wound as well as it could be dressed.

"You'll need a new scarf." He snorted, and got some more gauze to make a makeshift pressure wrap. He didn't even recall learning these things, but boy howdy if he didn't know them. He furrowed his eyebrows; why was the gauze wet?

"The new scarf will be the least of my worries." She responded, and this time he noticed that she sounded… tired. Not energy tired but… sick tired. By the time he'd finished wrapping his knee, he squinted at her; even as far as being tired went, she was full of adrenaline before, seemed ready to fight. Now she was slumped against the wall and her eyes had closed; he couldn't even see her shaking anymore.

"Auther?" She didn't answer.

Panicked, he rummaged around in his bag again, only to find that the thermos had been cracked. It slowly leaked its contents into the rest of the bag, effectively stewing the rope, the knife, and the first aid kit in it. He took a quick sniff, and clamped the bag shut.

Kingsleigh tore the wrapping from her hand despite how much he hated the sight of open wounds, and practically slung her arm over his shoulder. "N-No more rest, we have to go. We're going to get the Baudelaires, and Snicket, and we're all gonna be fine."

She moved her feet, but only barely; they were more like dead weights than feet. Kingsleigh, despite the pain in his cuts and the pain in his knee and the nagging worry that the man with the shiny thing was still at the top of the flint cliffs and would subsequently set them both on fire, kept soldiering along and tried to find what street they were on.

"We're all gonna be fine, yes sir. All gonna be fine, gonna talk to the Baudelaires and Snicket a-and make it to the infirmary. And gon-gonna get you some rose tea, like I promised." His voice was as fake and chipper as a retail salesman's.

Auther had stopped responding.

As he broke into a faster run and ignored the droplets of red that fell from her stabbed hand, his bag opened a bit and sent more of the smell at his nose. Almost in a panic, Kingsleigh snapped it shut and wrestled the thing away as they passed an empty storefront. Green tea had no true smell, but arsenic sure did.

#jinx writes #asoue #vfd #agent kingsleigh #agent auther

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ethanalter · 7 years ago

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Judd Apatow talks returning to stand-up and why his kids don't want to watch him tell jokes

Judd Apatow prepares to take the stage for the first time in 25 years in ‘Judd Apatow: The Return’ (Photo: Netflix)

The last time that Judd Apatow graced a stand-up stage, Bill Clinton was running for President, Aladdin and Home Alone 2 were the year’s top box-office grossers, and CBS still aired Sunday night movies. By the end of that positively prehistoric era known as 1992, the comic found himself at a career crossroads: although he was making a decent living on the road, performing alongside such future superstars as Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey, he started to wonder whether performing was the best platform for his talents. Eventually, self-doubt and a negative review from Jim Henson of all people encouraged Apatow to cede the stand-up spotlight to his friends, while he headed into the writers’ rooms on such TV shows as The Larry Sanders Show and The Critic — formative jobs that eventually built him into one of the most powerful writer/directors in Hollywood.

Twenty-five years later, Apatow is exercising that power for a return to his first love in the new Netflix comedy special Judd Apatow: The Return, which premieres Dec. 12. Having already signed a deal with the streaming service in 2014 to executive produce the series Love, Apatow tells Yahoo Entertainment that Netflix proposed the idea of The Return after catching a stand-up set he performed at the 2015 Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal.

“I had started doing stand-up again when we were shooting Trainwreck,” he says, referencing the hit comedy written by and starring Amy Schumer. “I told Netflix, ‘Give me a year,’ and then I got serious about trying to construct something I might be proud of.” After an intensive process of writing and honing his first stand-up set since ’92, Apatow stepped in front of the cameras — and a live audience — this past summer, filming several performances that were edited together to form one cohesive hour. “Most of it is from one show, but I was too scared to just tape one night,” he admits. “When I play tennis, I choke every time, so I needed several shots at this.”

There’s no choking in The Return, we’re happy to say. After some initial stiffness, Apatow warms up to his material with a great bit about how people used to share pictures before the days of Instagram and continues to land punchline after punchline from there. We spoke with him about being back in front of a crowd, how his two daughters, Maude and Iris, feel about being a source of Dad Joke material, and how he wants to be part of reforming the way our culture addresses sexual harassment going forward.

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Every comic has their own very specific process for writing new material. What’s your approach? When we were shooting Trainwreck in 2014 in New York, I would go to the Comedy Cellar every night after we wrapped. I knew there would be a 15-to-20-minute drive to the club from the set and in that 20 minutes, I would try to think of something new to say and immediately try it. Writing stand-up can be done in many different ways. Most people won’t sit down at a computer and just try to write, like they’re writing a short story. You definitely can do it that way, but most people are just way too lazy. They say, “Oh, I just think of stuff when I’m on stage.” That’s really just an excuse to give yourself more time to binge Narcos! [Laughs]

What’s the difference between writing comedy now versus 25 years ago? Besides binge-watching Narcos, obviously. When I was young, I didn’t have anything to say. I started doing stand-up when I was 17, and I did it until I was 24. I just didn’t have any strong opinions, and I didn’t have any great stories from my life. I also wasn’t especially angry about anything. Now that I’m about to turn 50, all sorts of stuff has happened to give me stories and make me angry! I have things I want to share with people. I feel like the stand-up is an extension of the ideas you see in my movies. People feel like they’re watching an extension of Knocked Up or This Is 40 in monologue form.

Apatow in his element on the stand-up stage in ‘Judd Apatow: The Return’ (Photo: Netflix)

Because of that, it probably wasn’t as difficult to start writing jokes for yourself again as opposed to writing jokes for other people to deliver. Yeah. It’s a lot of the same ideas. Most of what I write about is the attempt to be happy, and the attempt to figure out how to be a good person, as well as everything that goes wrong along the way. When I do stand-up, I’m not someone who has the answers. I’m always the person who’s wondering how badly I’m screwing up my children. [Laughs]

Trainwreck was when you started performing stand-up again, but I imagine making your earlier film Funny People reintroduced you to that world. Was that when you started seriously thinking about getting back to stand-up yourself? I got burnt out from watching comedy non-stop from the time I was 10 until I was 24. For a decade, I didn’t pay any attention to anybody. Slowly, I began to realize that I had no idea what was happening in comedy clubs and in improv theaters. When I was writing [2009’s] Funny People, I started doing a little stand-up in order to write the jokes for Seth [Rogen] and Adam [Sandler]. That was the beginning of me realizing that it was my first love, and why I got into the business. It took a while for me to figure out a way to do it. Then, when I was working with Amy Schumer, she always seemed to be having so much fun doing stand-up. I think I just got jealous! Like, “Oh, we’re supposed to have a lot of fun making comedy?” I’ve been so stressed out trying to get everything done correctly that I wasn’t having as much fun as I wanted to have. Stand-up was a way to kind of reconnect with the joy of all of it.

When you were a younger comic, were you someone who vowed never to do material about your family life? That’s definitely a big part of this special. I love comedians like Ray Romano who talk about raising kids. It’s a very weird era to be a parent because the world is changing so quickly, and technology is changing so quickly. I think parents are in a wide-eyed panic! We don’t know if the fact that our kids are addicted to these gadgets means that they’re going to survive in a new world or whether they’re just turning into idiots who will be able to accomplish nothing. It’s fun to talk about the fact that there is no playbook for the modern parent. We’re like, “Is it bad that my kids are on Snapchat all day? I don’t know. Maybe that’s how they talk to each other.” It certainly makes it much more challenging than it was for my parents, who I don’t think ever saw the inside of my high school.

Did you feel like you had to get permission from your daughters or your wife, Leslie Mann, to talk about them in your act? Did you run material by them? They all saw the material at different times just coming to see me. When the special was done, I said to the whole family, “Do you want to see it to make sure you’re comfortable?” All three said no. Mainly due to a total lack of interest! Not one of them has watched it. I’d go so far as to say they may never see it, just because there’s something better on TV. No child wants to watch their dad talk for an hour. That would have been my nightmare: my dad having a special where he talked for an hour. There’s nothing I would rather see less than that. I support their lack of interest.

What jokes fell by the wayside as you honed your set? I shot a lot of extra material. There was a long routine about me going to Taylor Swift concerts with my kids, and how they want me to not react to the show. I’m not allowed to be negative or positive. In fact, they’re more embarrassed if I’m having the time of my life. I have to go to the show and call zero attention to myself. So there’s a long stand-up discussion of that. They just want you to be the limo driver and pretend you’re not there.

Are you someone who is hyper-aware of how the audience is reacting? Are you able to power through bits when they’re not working? It’s very hard not to locate the one person in the club who hates you. I’ll say something, and maybe it’s borderline offensive, and I’ll find the one person that really didn’t like it. Sometimes I’ll just perform directly to that person. I’ll literally just look him in the eye for five solid minutes, just to see if I can get him back. That’s probably not the way you’re supposed to perform.

You’re very outspoken politically on Twitter and in public, and you do take some shots at Trump in the special. Was there more of that material at a certain point? Any political material ages out very quickly. But I didn’t want to not mention that it would be better if we had a different president. It didn’t seem right to not get that on the record of where I stood in 2017. Still, you don’t want to talk about it too much, because the world changes so quickly that the material doesn’t make sense. You think you have a great new bit, but really you’ve just written something about the controversy of that week. There are so many [things] coming at people that they forget all the others. I’m glad that all the old George Carlin specials don’t have long bits about Jimmy Carter! [Laughs]

You tackle sexual harassment as well, and I’m sure that subject is very much on your mind given what’s happening in comedy right now. Is that something you were similarly concerned might date the material, though? I had a long bit about Bill Cosby at one point. I thought, “Is this going to be old by the time the show airs?” Suddenly, it seems like it applies to everything else that’s going on right now. Unfortunately, that situation has just gotten worse and worse. That routine applies to more people than just him. I’m glad I’m talking about it.

Apatow and Amy Schumer on the set of ‘Trainwreck,’ the movie that Apatow credits with convincing him to return to stand-up comedy (Photo: Mary Cybulski/Universal Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection)

Outside of stand-up, how you do see yourself as potentially being a voice in the industry on this issue or providing a voice to the victims? How do you see your role in this? I think there’s a discussion about why high-level people didn’t step in to stop people who were committing crimes. That’s a very important conversation that people don’t want to have. I’d like to be a part of that going forward. We do need to talk about who knew, who could have said something, why didn’t they, and how can we create the conditions where in the same situation someone will now step forward where before they wouldn’t have. That’s important. A lot of people were happy to say, “It’s none of my business,” but the truth is, for certain people, it was their business. They could have warned other people, because it’s about protecting vulnerable men and women. When you ignore something, you’re allowing other people to get hurt. We want the whole community to want to protect each other.

It’s certainly not lost on anyone that people in the entertainment industry are losing their jobs over this, whereas that’s still slower to happen in politics. People really want to hold onto power. People feel like their own power is at risk if they try to speak up too loudly about the misdeeds of others. There’s a lot of butt covering that happens. People are very self-centered, in all industries and in politics. We have to figure out how we get people to speak up for what’s right. That’s why there aren’t more people speaking out against Roy Moore. It’s the same dynamic. People have their own personal goals and they’re not worried about other people. We have to change that. I think that change has begun.

Do you imagine Donald Trump stumbling upon The Return on Netflix and watching it? I don’t have anything to say about that, really. He doesn’t seem like someone who’s looking for healthy criticism so he can do a better job.

What are the plans for your next feature film? The last script you directed, Trainwreck, was one you didn’t write. Are you working on your own script or are you open to directing someone else’s again? I’m open to anything. I spent a lot of this year making a documentary about Garry Shandling, which is going to be on HBO in March. It’s a two-part, four-hour examination of his life called The Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling. I’m really excited for people to see that. I also made a documentary about this band The Avett Brothers, called May It Last. That’s going to be on HBO, too. A lot of this year has been about making documentaries, which I really loved to do.

You had a close relationship with Shandling, but in doing the documentary, were there things about his life that surprised even you? The point of the documentary is that most people didn’t really know who he was personally; he was a bit of a mysterious, mercurial fellow. This film answers a lot of the questions that people have about him. He kept diaries his entire life, and we track all the events of his life with the use of his own words from his diaries. He was successful from the ’70s through just a couple of years ago, so you also get to track what’s happening in each era of comedy.

Apatow, his wife Leslie Mann, and his friend and mentor Garry Shandling in 2009 (Photo By: Dee Cercone/Everett Collection)

While we’re talking about documentaries, you mention in The Return that you toured with Jim Carrey in the ’80s and ’90s, so I’m wondering if you’ve seen Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond, which is also on Netflix. I love that documentary! I did a Q&A the other night interviewing Jim, the director Chris Smith, and Spike Jonze. In the documentary, you see Jim’s auditions to play Andy Kaufman, and I was the one shooting them at Jim’s house! He just got a camera and we worked on that one day. I got to visit the set and talk to Andy, when it was Jim not breaking character. It was deeply uncomfortable.

Looking back on it now, are you shocked by how far he went? I remember that it was so funny to watch in person when he was doing it. If you visited the set, he would act like Tony Clifton for eight hours straight. He would just insult people relentlessly — way past the point where they were amused by it. It was a really wonderful, demented experiment. I think his work in the movie is incredible. That’s what Jim is about: he really commits to the premise of what he’s working on, and takes it as far as you can take it. When you make something about Andy Kaufman, the put-on is part of it.

Judd Apatow: The Return premieres Tuesday, Dec. 12 on Netflix.