#yeah maybe this isn't the way to go lol
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Learning Chinese make me realize that how similar most of Thai sentence structure are to Chinese and they both also has that frustrating word omission but we're supposed to intuitively know whenever and whatever 😭
#hey where have all that verb and conjunctive gone to anyway#umm i still haven't learn that much chinese and also my english can't describe how frustrating this situation is lol#and when i translate it words by words from chinese to thai the meaning is understandable but it was a very werid sentences#yeah maybe this isn't the way to go lol
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Super important question. Do you think Yakumo is ticklish?
wait hold on i have to look this up
#scrunches my face in serious contemplation while i scroll thru the results#my instinct said no#and upon reading the results for ARE SNAKES TICKLISH#seems like snakes ...according to the science so far... cannot feel ticklish#they may have sensitive areas that will make them go >:\ ???? or :O?!?!? if u touch em#making me think about From The Earth Nectar again#where yakumo (human version) is a bit sensitive after moulting#so he was actually a bit ticklish with his fresh skin. yeah. i'll incorporate that into my headcanon#my urge to stay somewhat true to science banishes me to the Boring Corner where yakumo isn't ticklish#especially not as a snake. but maybe in human form he gets a bit sensitive in certain areas#not like tickle torture level where you can poke his ribs and he'll yelp/start crying#but. uh. he's already so jumpy that he doesn't need to be ticklish to startle at an unexpected touch. you know??!#part of me DID consider... what if.. yakumo ticklish on his sides or smth#that's giving us another way to reduce him to tears............very tempting#for now i'll give him this ONE thing#this ONE advantage (?) in bodily control#i personally am not very ticklish so i'm also just going with the easiest-to-imagine headcanon#the few situations where someone manages to find a ticklish millimeter on me and i risk punching them out LOL#it's automatic and not a fun time for anyone involved#anon do you have thoughts about a ticklish yakumo?#are you about to open my eyes to another dazzling dimension?#nu carnival yakumo
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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another bit of context that I think is key to understanding assen 2015 is that like. okay a last corner is a last corner; it's not like valentino has ownership over it or whatever. but there is also something in-your-face bold about thinking you can beat valentino rossi at that chicane. sure we don't quite associate the gt chicane with one specific iconic rossi overtake the same way we do last corner jerez or the corkscrew, but thinking you can steal the win from valentino at the chicane is kind of in the same spirit. that's valentino's chicane. he has made countless overtakes there over the years. he loves that chicane he really does
take 2013, where assen was the first race vale won after his ducati dry spell. his overtake on marc in that race isn't at the chicane, but it's in turn one - right after marc had made a small mistake on the chicane and gets poor drive down the straight. which could be completely innocuous, but is also the kind of thing that happens when you're defending against somebody you know is very good at one specific bit of the track. which marc knew. of course he did. after the start, valentino made two other overtakes in that race: on bradl and dani (the latter of which marc had an excellent view for). guess where they both happen. guess where marc overtakes dani
and marc straight up said in the assen 2015 post-race presser that his move there was premeditated, that he'd repeatedly tested out and planned that move during practise. marc, who obviously knows valentino's record at that track, who has studied him so so closely. who knew full well that the fight for the victory was most likely going to come down to the two of them, and knew it could come down to the very last chicane. his plan to win that race was to barge valentino aside, ideally on the final lap, at quite possibly valentino's best series of corners on the entire calendar. no wonder marc was pissed when it didn't work
#valentino's like?? bitch?? you thought??#the race winning overtake in assen 2007 obviously also happened at that chicane. obviously!! it's what valentino does at assen!!#in 2018 he does. like. i'm not kidding he does ten overtakes at that chicane. somebody counted it for all the riders in the lead group#his role in that race was being a timmer chicane merchant he just copy pastes that shit#'well maybe that's just a good overtaking spot!!' you might say#you want to know how often the other EIGHT riders involved in that fight *combined* overtook at that chicane? twice. TWICE#i know 2018 does in fact come after 2015 but it's just as blatant an illustration as you can get of how he had that chicane locked down#and on the 2013 thing again - this isn't a chicane marc NATURALLY loves. in 2018 0/12 of his overtakes happen there#that being said in 2013 cal also overtakes dani at that bloody chicane so maybe dani just had a terrible day there lol#it IS a classic assen thing but it's also very much a classic valentino thing. started making a note of it rewatching races and. yeah#the hubris of it all!! unbelievable!! that marc overtake attempt was 1000% based off him studying footage of valentino over the years#and doing it at that stage of that season!! marc you little fucker. maaaaaaaaarc#hm this isn't really well thought out enough to go in the main tag lol#//#brr brr#idol tag#I suppose you could say marc DID end up providing valentino with the opportunity to do an iconic move at that chicane#very nice of him#the beauty of that last chicane contact is that marc tries to win in the most valentino way imaginable at valentino's beloved chicane#and at the very latest headed to that chicane (if not already far earlier in the weekend) valentino knows exactly what marc's planning#it's not just payback for laguna because it's a controversial move that goes in vale's favour#it's payback for laguna because marc tried to pull a valentino on valentino AGAIN and vale got the better of him
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You're just in denial Lucius /jk
#thermae romae#I got the manga today for my birthday#I already watched the anime but this is more fun#Anyways like I said once before I really hoped he got something going on with emperor Hadrian but alas they don't :(#But emperor Hadrian definitely wished they did#Because what are those lingering touches?? Why is it that everytime you stand close to Lucius you just can't help and touch something?#Either grabbing his hands (+ squeezing them) or holding him by the shoulder and what about looking so intensely in his eyes??#Or the time you want to hold a feast in his honor and I quote#“I will serve anything you wish to eat! Stork? Eel? Simply name your heart's desire!”#That sounds quite like you want to please someone of lower status than you and isn't that romantic?#Or that if you knew that Lucius would be there you would have prepared a feast for him#Not exactly standard for a “simple” engineer ;)#Maybe I'm looking to much into it but I think he did like lucius in some way. As a could be lover if he would be open to it#But yeah. It could never happen#Anyway I laughed so hard at this panel because while it's kinda sad (Spoilers; his wife left him)#It's just funny how he shouts this and it's just so dramatic lol#thermae romae novae#manga art#Lucius modestus#emperor hadrian#my own post
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I'm just always a bitch to everyone apparently and I'm told to go upstairs... certain people wonder why I stay in my room all the time
#el speaks#delete later#this is about my mother lol#I just can't be exhausted#she needs to learn that I just sound like a bitch all the time seriously I just talk like this (especially tired)#god I'm sorry I'm not always happy and feel comfortable talking to you or your boyfriend#he can't even talk to me face to face he always runs and hides behind you#“I asked her something and she was grumpy :(” like omg dude seriously? did I hurt your fucking feelings? oh gee I'm so fucking sorry#“things never go my way” -my mother#oh yeah? how do you think I feel? oh you don't#I try to care about you all the time but you never give me the same treatment#god you have no idea how much I wanna speak my mind fully#I try to fucking spend time with you even in small ways like going grocery shopping but that was still impossible#I can never get a word in about anything you're a broken record#“my job sucks and my boyfriend won't be here for my birthday :(”#sorry but shit happens sorry my presence isn't enough#I really do try... but man#also I think I got triggered or something? dogs get to me man#maybe I am just a bitch and if so? all well#wonder why
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this was homoerotic even for them
#tomgreg#they are PAINFUL tbh the way that greg was like you can trust me but the thing is tom DOES trust him#WHAT DO YOU THINK and greg says maybe you should and tom is like OK I'LL DO IT#LIKE??? LOL he trusts greg's council. he's unsure then greg says maybe you should and he's like ok!!!! girl#he also trusts greg to get drugs i mean yeah ken got some from him but ken didn't really care about its quality and took really bad coke lol#and is an addict/has previously been one and so far as we know tom isn't/hasn't and he would care about the quality lol#so he trusts greg to get the good shit#''but this is not a thing'' idk about that tom greg was originally expendable and now he's one of your fps lol#ALSO THE INTRICATE RITUALS OF TOUCHING HANDS. So good. and ''want it?'' ''thanks''#i'm not sure if greg's the only dog here. you want it? huh! you want it! here you go!#the FAST written on the board between them when tom takes it!!!! the shots in this show A#again i'm not done but there'll be another post dooooont yall worry. great time for annoying people!!!!
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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vid i just tried watching called 'get out' a satire... of horror movies? with the followup sentence of 'when you watch it... your expectations are subverted... and you see all the standard beats... but you're confronted with like, the feelings, right?'
i think this is a new level of 'i do not think that word means what you think it means' because for the life of me i can't even figure out what THEY think it means
edit: also it's really bizarre that they're supposedly discussing 'the final girl support group' and to compare to it in a 'this did SOMETHING who knows what better' and not only picked a movie without a final girl, but not Scream???? thee slasher horror final girl deconstruction series? so much confusion in a short minute
#i mean my best guess from context is that they actually mean 'deconstruction'#....which it isn't? there's actually like no subverted expectations in get out#it's a good movie but like#being a good horror movie doesn't make something... a satire/deconstruction...#the only 'subverted expectation' i could possibly come up with is like. the girlfriend's betrayal maybe?#and that's just. a reveal#it's a pretty bog standard 'people in this small seemingly friendly community are doing scary shit' plot with an interesting twist#i don't say bog standard in a mean way bc i love that shit. small creepy communities always#but yeah i clicked on the vid bc it looked like she was criticizing the final girl support group#and i have a continual bone to pick with grady hendrix#but this + her saying she's going to discuss it without spoilers which... you really Cannot critique a book articulately without spoilers#is my opinion. so yeah quitting that#aaaaand going back to bed bc i feel my migraine threatening to re-emerge lol#vic talks
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🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?
🥰
More fucked up sad boy Kim! Kim is kissing his brothers bodyguard and thinking about his guitar tutee a completely normal amount.
This next kiss is hungry, a clash of lips and teeth that Big, for his part, doesn’t try to soften. Good. Kim doesn’t want soft. Chay might let WIK kiss him, but would he let Kim kiss him like this? Would he let Kim pin him to the corridor walls, press their bodies flush, lick whisky into his mouth? Would he arch under the press of Kim's hips? Would it matter that it was Kim, not WIK, that needed holding tighter than this? Would Chay hold him anyway despite it? When Porchay said he liked all sides of him, did he know what he was saying? What he was offering? What he was asking for? He barely knew Kim’s first name. Would Porchay let him use him like this? Could he drive Kim to distraction? Would he let Kim kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until the adrenaline in Kim's veins felt like golden, heady desire, not distress seeping out of the desperate empty chasm of his chest? Would Chay let Kim corrupt him? Could Kim sit back and watch it happen? There's a small solace in the way that the hands settled softly at his waist have calluses on the trigger finger already. In the way that they were never his hands to corrupt.
#the way he's like ''I dont want soft'' and then immediately pictures kissing the softest most lovely boy imaginable.#like yeah its actually such a good thing that I'm kissing Big and not Chay right now because uhhhhhhh maybe the kiss would be.. too good..?#boy.#I swear#also sorry. just hyping myself up at this point#but I like the way that Big is the one that isn't holding Kim tightly enough and the way Kim is starting to think Chay could#Duty as softness and Love as violence. interesting. interesting. sorry. not love it's uhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhh well.#its something#Kimchay#kimbig#kim theerapanyakul#ask#ask meme#gayzuko#love you love u#sorry for not having any snippets you havent already read because all I do is get excited and show you my writing lol#also sorry for chickening out of posting the abandoned KimBig pwp thats never going to be published lol
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like half of my mutual's otp's are my notp and I laugh abt that to myself so often lmao
#said friends would absolutely NOT be able to guess that LOLL#well. maybe. but not rlly#[laughing in my super evil castle tower] I'm still VERY NICE to people that like stuff I hate ANDDDD I give them little gifts too#so evil MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAH-#ohh I love the totally-super-evil-hater bit it's so stupid#YEAH I'M SECRETLY A HATER. ISN'T IT SUPER EVIL THAT SAID HATER IS GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO STILL TRY AND MAKE THE SHIPPERS *HAPPY*??#SOOO DIABOLICAL#yeah I'll tag this as#me ramble#honestly if u got this far into the tags. wow ty for being interested in me yapping abt myself#but SECONDLY what im burying in here is that I think I should be congratulated for being able to grit my teeth and still make full drawings-#-of said ships for said friends. obv u don't gotta I'd just like that bc no way am I gonna tell those friends that I hate the ship but drew-#-it regardless for them [especially bc when I type that out I can see that it sounds super pretentious lol]#who is even reading these like ty for reading my yap abt me LOLL I love yapping sm#my gc nickname on discord is Professional Yapper
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thinking abt (1) that post abt how most censorship is preemptive self-censorship¹ (2) bras²
⸻ ¹ wow, tumblr search actually worked for once??? ² i do understand and respect that for many people bras serve an actual structural function wrt support/comfort! however, for many other people (hi!) they do not, at least in everyday non-sports contexts, and that's the set of concerns i'm speaking to here.
#i mean for me personally it's also like. sometimes/often/always i don't want to have visible tits‚ for Gender Reasons#so rendering them more compressed & visually ignorable is a move in the right direction#but that's sort of seasonal (which sounds insane‚ but‚ idk‚ in the summer the visible body hair helps balance out the visible tits???)#so it's like. objectively very obvious that i ought to go braless more in the summer#when it would bother me less visually and dramatically increase my comfort levels#and i do‚ in the house! but like. when i go out i still feel the need to render myself Presentable and i'm mad about it#bc like. yeah it's partially a trans desire to hide my chest but like. is that actually separable from the way women are socialized#to manage their breasts to HOA-approved standard or else open themselves up to a whole gamut of inappropriate treatment. (no.)#and so it's really just like. reimposing many different shades of cisheteropatriarchy on myself simultaneously#but unfortunately the only way out is to just. accept all the bad reactions i'm living in fear of. but those DO feel bad!#as always it's like. hard when yr self-protective conditioning isn't serving you wrt being a free person#but IS a rational reaction to the hobbled reality of yr actual existence…#like. easy to say 'just ignore those worries.' and maybe i will‚ at least in the context of like. casual public appearances#but like. even if the material consequences are unlikely‚ for me‚ to be more than unpleasantly judgmental stares—#that's still a real emotional consequence that has an impact on my well-being! but so does the self-censorship.#anyway. too many tags & no novel insight. just like. sux lol#(also usually on here i omit any discussion of Tit Management Issues bc it's my space where i get to pretend not to have a body)#(but like. that's self-censorship of a kind too.)#embodiment (is violence)
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listening to the audio drama again, got to s2 ep7 and., I think a HIGHLY underutilized opportunity for a fun angsty fic is "okay but what if Yan Wushi actually did have amnesia for real" lol
like, Shen Qiao already reacted so Much thinking he had amnesia. what if we double down on it instead of "haha jk I was pretending to throw Guang Lingsan off your back"
think of the aaaangst
#qian qiu#thousand autumns#I don't think gls would cause it but I do think he would take advantage#do you think yws would still be interested in sq or would he be bored lol#like the only reason he even started playing around w sq was kind of out of a passing opportunistic curiosity#but now that sq is like. kinda recovered and ostensibly kinda middle of the road...#I feel like yeah he wouldn't rly be interested?#think of how fun it would be to have yws going about doing his shit and sq is the one kind of.. okay maybe not following him around per se#but like. keeping tabs on him and perhaps going slightly out of his way to run into yws more#actually. wait what would be even funnier is if sq kinda resigns himself to losing yws to memory loss#and yet by happenstance he keeps running into him lol. and it makes yws think he's keeping tabs on him LOL#imagine yws flirting but kind of impersonally cuz he's doing it out of form not familiarity#but sq doesn't react the way he expects- which is like to coldly shut him down (the way he did bai rong)#and instead he's like. clearly warring with himself of sort of politely & reciprocally dispassionately brushing it off#and clearly kind of taking it to heart cuz it's like. so so familiar but also so foreign#cuz that underlying thread of shared history isn't there anymore#anyway. I just think this would be fun
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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)
#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive#for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood#i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically#and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol#ANYWAYS#typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in#but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one#like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him#which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know#that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all#also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her#so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me#cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship#so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say#So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic#updates
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There are few things worse, I think, than reading a call to action memoir that is so close to right but really should have been shelved for at least 5yrs before going to print so the author has time to learn enough to see all the false equivalencies that really hinder the point
#personal;#yeah fatphobia is bad but dont you dare act like people aren't asking disabled people to medically alter themselves every day???#you compare bariatric and gender affirming surgeries in such a way that makes the latter sound easy to get??#and in fact don't at ALL go into the struggles for transition care except for a nod at FL while comparing us (trans people)#to fat people like our lives are Much Easier instead of /oppressed by the same white colonial structures that enforce fatphobia/#but go off i guess#i was giving a lot of leeway when i was just side eyeing the comparisons with racism bc i'm not fat and i've not experienced enough racism#to say either way on those#but the MOMENT she started using trans and disabled comparisons i about lost it#and also randomly started calling it antisemitic (sure as much as it's violnt to all poc) in the last chapter with nothing supporting it#like you can tell it was written over the course of the last like 2 maybe 3 years without enough space to breathe#i have listened to a book on writing memoir so often i've got some of it all but memorized#and i agree that if it's more recent than a decade you're probably too close to be writing it#and this author's writing mostly about during pandemic times. this is more a journal and call to action than memoir#but its not polished enough to be a proper call to action bc there's not much it gives you to do other than 'stop dieting & dare to be fat'#which isn't an effective call to action when only those most harmed by fatphobia can act on it you know???#lots of complaints#3/10#edit: reiterting that i'm not saying it'#*it's not anti-semitic; just that a good published work of this kind doesn't make last second claims and certainly not ones#they haven't already explicitly supported in the text#i feel the need to clarify with the very very vocal rise of anti semitism esp in the left#like yes there are anti-Semitic ties. she didn't name them. just said 'they exist lol' and this went to print#great study in poor research slipping onto shelves bc topic matter is relevant
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#fearandhatred#on the canvas syllabus for one of my modules our ta included pre-tutorial instructions to form groups and bring an item to share#but the thing is i have no way of reaching any of my tutorial classmates because i don't even know who the hell they are#and i missed the first tutorial which was on zoom anyway so like. useless#also we haven't had a face to face lecture in the past two weeks. the first time was because of chinese new year#but the second time our professor didn't even give a reason so like what the fuck#anyway i don't think it's that big of a deal because this isn't like a graded presentation just class participation at most#but idk whether the rest of my classmates have already formed groups if they know each other (none of my friends are taking this module)#so yeah i have been mildly nauseous for the past 2 days because of this. thanks prof#anyway the tutorial is today! in 12 hours. we will see how it goes. maybe i'll just derealise and then i won't feel anything <3#not giving af is not going well#hell week lol. goodnight#actually no fuck you there's a reason no other professor has ever done this and why it's always pre-allocated groups at the very least#how do you expect communication between students from like 500 different majors with no actual main communication channel#that is not how it works in our college bro i'm about to start insulting you in malay i'm so serious. bodoh
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