#yeah i wonder why im single and i do that shit even with people i am close to

[pepprs]

prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!

[worriedvision]

Very tempting to write a fic where the character (established relationship but not yet at the point of very public affection) goes to hold the reader by the waist, only to activate the readers fight or flight response via a fist almost hitting them. Ofc it doesn't impact but it's close enough that the reader almost lands a hit

Yes this is a thing I experience, probably not that common, but I see couples having no problems with a hand on the waist but I know I'd probably dodge it (probably BC of how I grew up oops)

[wosoragebaiter69]

but i didn't did pour the whiskey

barça femeni x reader

overview: they said getting over addiction wasn't easy, what about when no one knows? what about when relapse happens after a whole year?

A/N: my requests are sitting... but I can't get to them and im really sorry, ive been so busy atm and dont got much modivation for em'

TW: alcohol addiction, self-hatred, relapse, course language, actual detail instead of me brushing over it

!! viewer discretion is advised, i suggest only mature audiences read this !!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

In all honesty, you'd seen the signs. You'd known the inevitable was coming. The feelings of urge that you'd felt a year ago when trying to stop. You had stopped though, so you ignored it. Then it became more real. To the blank stares at the crates in the stores, rather than the hatred you harboured before after finally being ‘better’.

To walking and judging if you should buy it or not.

To blinking tears out of your eyes, wondering why you'd think that in the first place.

Because why would you, you were better now. Right? That's what you'd told yourself anyways.

It kept amplifying over the course of a week. Until you couldn't take it, until everything you'd worked so hard for for the past year came crashing down. All those memories of countless nights pacing, crying, yelling over a stupid fucking substance fade away.

Guilt. That's all there is. Guilt.

Guilt for betraying your past self who had cried for hours, who felt like she was going psycho over not having a single drink.

But, you can't find it in yourself to stop drinking it. It's just one beer, how harmful could it be? Said by the words of a true fucking alcoholic.

So, you do the only thing you can think of and cry. Cry until your face is numb, your throat burning with every breath, cry until your lungs can't take in any oxygen anymore.

Cry until you feel like you've felt something.

Then when you did stop crying what did you do? The only option you thought you had. Drink more.

- - - - -

You knew you looked like shit, you felt like it too. Your face puffy from the numerous breakdowns the night before, your eyes red from the tears that had an endless flow, dark rings under your eyes from the restless 3 hour sleep you'd got.

Also not to mention the headache you'd acquired. Knowing that only last year if you'd drunk this much, you'd only start to feel something. That's not something to be proud of.

You try your hardest to make yourself look even the slightest bit presentable, getting rid of the puffy face with a shower and taking paracetamol to take away the ache in your skull.

This would do enough to convince them you were fine, it's not like you were the loudest or most obnoxious person on the team. Preferring to observe everything with a smile.

What you didn't consider? Your captains. You're only 22 so even if you're techincally an adult, they're still over 7 years older than you.

So you walk into the lockeroom for training, silently making your way to your cubby as usual. Until, you feel a tug on your sleeve. Alexia is standing there, worry etched into her features.

"You ok? It looks like you've barely slept." Her voice is low and quiet, something you were eternally grateful for.

"Yeah, just a rough night. Thanks capi." You don't lie, but you don't tell the full truth either. She can sense this but doesn't say anymore, allowing you to go back to getting ready.

You take the time to rethink of the previous night, the regret you'd felt immediately after taking the first sip. But, the feeling of being unable to stop.

No matter how much you'd told yourself it was nothing, you know this isn't the end.

You push the thoughts away, clearing your mind of any thoughts before walking out onto the field ready for training.

- - - - -

It was the same people you saw watching you; Alexia, Marta and Mapi. It wasn't every second but enough to showcase they knew something was wrong but just didn't know what.

You had joined in the summer from your old club in Italy. No one knew of the past you'd had with alcohol. It's not like you made an effort to tell them either, they respected your choices not to drink when going out and you didn't need to bring up topics that were from before even moving to Barcelona.

Maybe if they knew, you'd have someone to confide it.

Somehow you'd managed to hide it from your old team as well, but considering the close relationships that Barcelona had with each other you doubted it would be shrugged off as easily.

When training was finally over, you were quick to slip away. As the thoughts and need of what caused you in this melancholic state start to reappear in your mind.

Not now, why after so long did you have to collapse now? When the peak of your career could potentially be around the corner.

You want to survive like a normal person, you want to be able to do things without relying on a fucked up liquid. Why did it have to be you?

And why?

Why is the only thing you can think of to soothe these thoughts, alcohol?

- - - - -

You stare blankly at the open carton, hesitation as you ponder if you should give in or not. Should you drink it? Part of your mind says yes, part of you yearns for it. The rational side says no, and to stop before it's too late.

But wasn't it already?

So you give in. The burning down your throat a painfully familar comfortality.

In a depressing way it makes you more aware of your surroundings, the beer bottles scattered in the room. Liquid all over the floor and on your things. It bothers you, but you can't bring yourself to clean it.

So you sulk, going over past memories. You'd never considered yourself a sad drunk, always being happier and finding a way to goof about while drinking. Then, very rarely toward the end of recovery getting angry. Never sad though.

Times change, people change. You thought you'd changed, but that kind of addiction? It never seemed to leave. Waiting until you're vulnerable to attack. Like an incurable disease.

Before you really comprehend it, the whole box of beers you'd bought yesterday are empty and strown across the floor.

You reach a point of feeling nothing, a numbing feeling brought by guilt, the alcohol making everything seem hazy. Your phone is ringing, but you can't bring yourself to answer. You can't bring yourself to care.

- - - - -

Knocking at your door brings you out of the limboed state you're in. You figure they'll leave soon, and the knocking stops after a minute. Until the door opens revealing the three who had been watching you in the morning.

Alexia is the first to you, the others take in the state of your apartment and walk around elsewhere.

"Hey." It's all she says, but enough for tears to fall from your eyes. You can't bare to look at her face, so you keep your eyes glued to the floor.

"Come on, look at me." She uses her hands to guide your chin so you're looking straight at her.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me." She pauses, "Let's sober you up first." You don't argue, and follow her orders. Exhausted, you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow.

- - - - -

Waking up was easier than you'd thought it would be, your head not pounding as much as in the morning. It made sense though considering you'd drank less than the night before. There were pills on the side table with a glass of water which you take easily.

The sun is setting so you must have slept for a couple of hours by this point. When you walk into the living room you notice all the rubbish gone, the floors are clean and there's no reminisince of beer anywhere. Alexia, Marta and Mapi are talking quietly amongst themselves and look up once they realise you're awake.

"Come, sit." Mapi pats next to her. You nod silently walking over.

"Would you mind explaining to us what happened? I know you’ve said before don't drink, so this is very new. If you don't want to talk that's also fine but I don't want to see you hurt." Alexia says, she doesn't pry but she does make her point known.

"Ok, but please can you do no talking while I explain? I'm not sure how much I can take if I don't explain it all in one." You're not sure why you opened up so easily, maybe because you desperately craved for someone. Anyone.

"Last year, I was an alcoholic and I can't tell you really when it started. It was to take all the weight and pressure off my shoulders originally, but it turned worse. I just kept drinking regularly and when I tried to settledown, I realised I couldn't. So I didn't stop. It worked for me."

"Then as the season moved on I realised I did desperately need to do something about it but I was just so scared of what people would say to me. How would they react?"

“So instead of getting proper help I did it myself.”

"I got rid of all traces, didn't go out as much. It was horrible. I thought I was going crazy. I wasn't ok at all. I'd obviously relapsed a couple times when trying by myself to recover but it gave me more determination. I'd say it took like 3 months before I truly felt like I was clean."

"Then, I'd had the oppurtunity to play here and it's like everything went away. I should've known better." You sigh.

"Known what? Did you know you were going to relapse again?" Marta asks carefully.

"I saw the signs but ignored them, when I did give in... all I felt was regret, I still do. I think that's why I drank the rest if I'm going to be honest." You look away, not daring to look at any of them.

A pair of arms engulf you, large hands pushing your head to the persons chest.

"Listen to me, we can help you. You won't ever have to do this alone, not while I'm here ok? I don't know much about this, but I'll try. We all will." You start sobbing into her chest, clinging your fists tightly into her shirt. A way to thank them without words.

Because the belief they had in you made you feel like you could do it. Even in these drowning times.

—————————————————————————

i hope you enjoyed fic, this may not be accurate to everyone but this is my experience with battling addiction to alcohol and i write it because i too relapsed after a year recently

this was more for also for awareness and just know that you aren’t alone in anything, if you feel you need someone to talk to i’m always here :)

[dr-spectre]

Okay so this rant is gonna be mildly nsfw. So if you are a minor DONT LOOK! OKAY?! GET OUT! I DONT WANT MINORS TO LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!! THIS IS FOR 18+ ONLY!

Im gonna be talking about an issue when it comes to a subset of people in the Splatoon community. So yeah, MINORS! LEAVE!!!!!

Go on... leave....

Imma be real, a fair amount of the straight male fans in the Splatoon community who constantly sexualise all the women in the series need to realize that characters like Marina and Shiver would never get with you and you wouldn't be able to handle them either. You would not be able to handle Marina's hour long autistic rambles about excavators and machinery, and if you judged her for her interests because your pp is getting soft listening to her, she would despise you and not have sex with a random dude like you. She is not eye candy. She is not some slab of meat to go "AWOOOGGA HUMNA HUMNA HUMNA!" at. She's a dorky girl who has nerdy interests and is canonically a lesbian, not some bimbo to get looked at like a toy for your eyeballs. Sorry to burst your bubble.

You would probably HATE Shiver if you met her, i guarantee it. Marie as well, you would probably find her annoying and not vibe with her snarky personality despite you wanting to do bad things to her because you only see her as flesh for your pleasure. Marie hates and makes fun of ""fans"" like you. Sorry to tell ya. If you see Marie as some dommy mommy then I'm gonna have to ask you to get the fuck out of my sight dude. If you sexualise Callie too and make her some weird lustful woman who wants sex all the time, I will fucking murder you idc.

You would crumble to dust and get rejected SOOOOO fast by women who look and act like them. I'm telling you. Or they would run away from you so fast because you smell terrible.

Start thinking with your head and not the small head downstairs.

Listen, we get it, they are attractive, but don't make it your whole personality and say how much you wanna f them and use nsfw art of them in thumbnails and discussions (you can figure out which youtuber I'm talking about here...)

I say that stuff as a joke at 1am at night and 99.9% of the time i talk about how wonderful their personalities and stories are. I ain't going "ZAMN!!!" over these characters because I'm not THAT big of a loser.

Marina being so passionate and giddy about her interests is one of the reasons why i like her so much. Marie being so relatable is why i like her, Shiver being such a silly girlfailure who's funny is why i like her, not because of their hips ffs. That's like the last thing on my mind when i think about these amazing characters.

As a straight male myself, you guys gotta do better, i don't wanna be grouped up with the rest of you horny lot that needs some fresh air. I'm not talking about all heterosexual men in the fanbase obviously, i'm not that kind of person where i hate on an entire group of people and I go "those friggen straights ruined the series!!!" Like the people who say that are half true but not every straight guy in the community is a horny lustful mess you know? And i am a straight guy myself but... I hate getting piled up with the creepy fans who lust over these women. Like we don't wanna hear you thirst over them and if you are gonna say something a bit more nsfw AT LEAST BE CREATIVE WITH IT! OR BE REALLY PATHETIC ABOUT IT TO WHERE IT'S FUNNY!

It's also so telling on how you probably treat women as well. I wouldn't be surprised if you have never been close to a woman, friendship or relationship wise. Sex and looks ain't all the end all be all of relationships, if you can't understand that then good luck finding a girl who will actually like you and even think about doing it with you.

I've never been in a relationship before AND EVEN I KNOW THAT!!!!! HOW SAD IS THAT?! The single and alone dude understands relationships better than you.

Be better and go outside for a change. Get a hobby, or something idfk.

[bluxb3rry]

❝𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦!❞↳෴੭˚ ༘♡·˚₊˚ˑ༄ؘ 💜

Hyunjin x male reader! He/him pronouns! English is not my frist language! More angst? idk ── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

In a world were only Kings and Queens rule, the money its the most important thing. Who has it, wins and who doesn’t, dies.

Thats what his father always told him, when he was just a little boy and inocent, afraid of the oh so called "real world", he was though how to steal and act, how to make People see him with pity only to steal their bread.

-Y/N, never try to take orders from someone else, only from me even if im dead-

His father was the reason he still steals, his father was the reason of why he fought, he stold, he ran and he got hurt in his name.

So, it was only fair to blame him in this situation.

-Y/N L/N, its funny seeing you like this right now, you promised to kill every single one of us by now, remeber?-one of the guards told him, while he was in the floor with blood coming out of his mouth.

-What a piece of shit, i wonder why that prince wants you still alive, you should die by now-

-fuck you-Y/N said

Then everything turned black.

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

When he opened his eyes again, he felt tired and pain all over his body, looking at the ceiling and his gold details, with also a big painting of clouds in it. Already knowing where he was he just looked around, trying to find the window thats its hopefully open. He sat slowly in the bed, seeing his naked body with bandages and violet spots, when he touched them he felt more pain.

The door opened

-Y/n!-he heard an angelic voice, then he felt hands in his chest and how he was slowly being lay down to the bed again-you need to rest! stop trying to escape for once

-trying? i always escaped before you watched me again-he said smiling

-yeah well, you look worse now, you took longer to wake up-the male said, his long black hair being tied up while he looked at him.

-Hyunjin, i can't stay-

-but you can! you are safer in here, you have food, a room, warm water-he sighed-why do you always have to go and keep stealing?

Hyunjin turn away, looking for the food he brought in for him, bring in it more closer.

-my dad didn't like this style of living, you know that-he was interrupted by a biscuit in his mouth

-you say that every-fucking-time, im tired of that you know?-he started cutting the food, knowing that Y/n couldn't move his own arms-i...i miss having you here, being with you

-stop-

Hyungjin felt your hands in his own, but didn't try to look

-you know, even if you are the one with power, they would kill you the moment they see you with me, if not for the gender is gonna be for who i am-

-i told you we could escape-

-i don't want you to live like me-

-but you just said!-Hyunjin shouted, but stopped, noticing how close you both were.

-i know...but we just can't, we aren't made for each other-Y/N ate a little bit more, and then stand up.

-you don't even kiss me anymore-Hyunjin looked at him-why? you can't even do that? you can't give me that satisfaction?

-if i do it, im afraid i won't be able to go-

-Then do it-Hyunjin got closer to you-kiss me, stay here, no one has to know, it can be our secret-

-if i stay, i could love you, but you would have to be with some lady to not make it that obvious, to have that heritage your father oh so wants-you looked at him-one way or the other we can't be happy

Silence took place, Hyunjin trying to think in another way while Y/N was suprised he didn't escaped yet.

-Just for this day, please-Hyunjin pleaded, holding your hands

-if i go tomorrow, its gonna be worse for you-

-just...-he sighed-let me have this joy for one day, let me imagine that we live in a world where you didn't have to live like this for some code, a world we are not gonna be hated for our love, a world were i can wake up and have you on my side-

-it's just gonna be a dream, love-

-well, let me dream-he kissed him

and you accept it

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

You were both kids when you met eatch other, he escaped from his castle with tears in his eyes and you found him, you hugged him while saying that "pretty people should not cry!" and made him laugh.

You played like kids, he remebers how he got all dirty, his white clothes being a big contrast with the dirt and your own clothes, in his eyes you were a free spirit that liked to do anything, he loved that form you, didn't even care that you were a boy.

After he came back from outside (not before a kiss in the cheeck as a goodbye from you) he told everything to his parents, his dad said he was just a kid and no boys could have such feelings, that he was just confused. When he cried to his mother and while she was hugging him, she told him "love is different for everyone, if you like that boy, then i guess is okay"

He escaped almost all days from the castle to look at you, to find you, it looked like everytime he find you, you changed a little bit more.

So, after some years, when you both stopped being kids and he knew everything you did, he said everything, his feelings, his worries, everything. All under the moon and stars.

You kissed him that day, you hugged him and said the same to him, but also saying the one thing he already knew.

"in a world like this, all we can wish is just gonna be a dream Hyunjin"

"then, let me sleep and dream it"

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

Hyunjin woke up the next day, feeling the slight pain in his hips, and he touched his neck that was full of love marks, he smiled and then looked beside him, hoping to see you.

But the bed was to cold.

Your warmt wasn't even there, his smile dissapeard and then he looked the window, seeing it all open. He looked at the room, not seeing anytrace from you.

Then he looked at the little paper that was in the pillow beside him, were your head rested.

"i love you"

He laughed, he laughed and hide his face with his hands, slowly feeling the tears appearing and his laughs turning into sobbs while.

He just woke up from his dream after all.

── ⋅⋅⋅ ────꒰ ୨ ♡ ୧ ꒱───────

[echo-exanimo]

a snippet from the fic im writing

speeding bullet content ahead!!

its a lil angsty but im havin fun with it hehe

for a touch of background, scout noticed snipers last name on an item earlier which is Why he knows that. just. for reference.

"Yeah, mate, not a problem. Let me start some tea."

---

A knock at his door woke Sniper with a start. It was dark outside, hardly time for anybody to be up and about. He slid from his bed, pistol in hand as he went to the door.

"Who's there?"

"...Snipes?" Came the quiet reply.

Sniper set down the gun on a nearby ledge, unlocking the door with a questioning look. "Roo? Why're you out here at this hour?"

"Uhhh," Scout scratched the back of his head. "Couldn't sleep. Ya mind if I-"

The two sat in silence as Sniper started a kettle and set aside a few mugs.

"Y'mind tellin' me why you're out here at..." He checked the clock. "4 in the bloody morning?"

"I told ya. Can't sleep." The easygoing smile he shot the Sniper didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Right." Sniper decided not to press it any further. They could talk over a few mugs of tea.

More silence. It felt stifling without Scout's near constant chatter, the way his presence didn't seem to take up the entire room and instead hardly took up the space of his body.

Sniper stirred a spoonful of honey into one of the mugs before turning and offering it to Scout. "Here. Chamomile." He tipped his head a bit at Scout. "My mother used to make it for me. Helps you ease up a bit."

"Sounds good." He took the mug, and Sniper was struck with how strange his hands looked when they weren't wrapped for work. He sat down across from Scout with a sigh, figuring if he didn't speak, the other man would eventually.

"...Snipes?"

"Mm?"

"You ever think about, uh, home?" His eyes darted to the ground before he looked back up. "Like... The people you miss? Wonder if they'd be proud?"

"Well, my mum and dad don't particularly appreciate my line of work..." He twiddled with the spoon in his mug, mixing even though the honey had long dissolved. "Didn't really have too many others."

"Oh."

Scout fell quiet again, sipping his tea thoughtfully.

"Well, I... I miss my ma. I worry about her, y'know?" He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's been a while since I've been home, she doesn't know where I am... Been a while since we talked."

"Is that what's buggin' ya?"

Scout looked down. "No, not really."

Sniper placed down his mug and watched Scout carefully as he began to speak again.

"It's my brothers. They, uh... These dogtags, y'know?"

His words were scattered in a characteristically Scout way without any of the energy. It made sense, but for a second Sniper didn't quite catch it. The Scout didn't often talk about his background.

"I just can't imagine how worried my ma must be, the third of her sons to disappear into a war she can't know about. She doesn't know I die every single day, she doesn't know what I do, she doesn't know any of it."

Scout looked uncomfortable, scuffing his feet against the legs of the table. "I wanna go home for a bit. Just let her know I'm okay. She doesn't have to know it all, just know I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." His voice got progressively quieter as he spoke, a far cry from the Scout he'd been just a few hours ago, rowdy in the lounge with the rest of the guys, cards and booze and raucous laughter.

"Mate..."

"Nah, nah, I- I know it's kinda dumb. Like. We all have people back home. I just worry for my ma. I should call her tomorrow." He took a long drink of the tea.

Another long silence, but this one felt a little less quiet.

"...If you'd like," Sniper winced at the sound of his own voice breaking through the quiet. "you can stay here for the night. If the company would help at all."

"...Yeah. Thanks."

"Not a problem." He nodded once and stretched. "Can I get you anything else?"

"Uh... Nah, I don't think so. Thanks, Mundy."

The Sniper stood still, having stood to start cleaning.

"Sorry. Shit. I can, uh-"

"No. No, it's fine, I'm just... Not used to hearing that name. Not anymore. But. It's Mick. Mick Mundy."

"..Jeremy Gallagher."

"Irish, mm?"

"Yeah. Irish."

The two were quiet for a moment longer before Sniper continued, empty mug in hand to place into the sink. "Blankets are in the drawer beside you."

"Alright. Yeah, thanks."

Sniper retreated to his bed, quietly groaning as he got settled. "Don't wake me up too early, now."

"No way. I'm tired enough as is."

This earned Scout a tired laugh. "Right then. I won't worry with the alarm. Five minutes to get ready work for you?"

"Yeah."

[its-time-to-write]

ch. 4 - hustling for the good life

table of contents Oh hey it’s Jamie’s side of things

also. I don’t proofread. yes I’m sorry, no I won’t change my ways.

takes one to know one

Here’s the thing. While you’ve been hopping around London, doing interviews and press and meeting all sorts of talented musicians, Jamie’s been doing his own work. Namely, badgering Keeley about his chances with you.

“She’s really pretty,” he confessed in the car on the way home from Isaac and Stella’s. “She’s like, fucking I don’t know, ethereal or some shit.” Keeley’s basically passed out, which is why Jamie is talking so freely. He knows she won’t remember shit. 

“Learned that word the other day,” he continues, “It’s like something you see can can’t totally understand. Or like, out of your league. Anyway, that’s her. Think she was all freaked out, though. Maybe too many people. Weird, innit, international star like her anxious in a crowd of people. But I really liked talking to her. Fuck, Keeley, she’s smart. You can tell in her lyrics.”

Keeley responds with a snore.

Jamie chuckles. “Yeah, alright, we’re almost to Roy’s. Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, yeah? Like I said, not like she’d go with someone like me anyway.”

—

Jamie severely underestimated Keeley’s ability to retain juicy gossip. Yeah she was sloshed, so much so that Roy had to carry her inside and onto the bed, but that didn’t stop her from sending Jamie a text the next morning that said, ?????? and a gif of your face.

Jamie replied in kind. ??????

U fucking kno what im asking, Keeley replied. U like her.

Jamie responds, that aint a question, keels

Fine, Keeley writes, here’s one

What the fuck did you mean, ‘someone like me????’

Jamie grimaces and puts his phone down. He’ll respond to that later but now, he has to go running around the field and puke his guts out because Roy’s a fucking sadist.

—

Jamie’s been a fan of your music since, like, your first single. He’s not even sure how he first heard it but he did, and then he’d listen to it when no one could catch him.

Then you started gaining popularity, and it was more acceptable for him to listen to your soft yet upbeat songs. He came home one weekend to find his mum playing Blue Glass on a speaker in the kitchen, and they sat down at the counter and listened to the entire album, not speaking the whole time while Simon puttered around cooking dinner.

He’s followed your career through the trade from Manchester to Richmond, then back to Man City and then Richmond again. 

And yeah, he’s had a little bit of a crush.

But god, there’s no fucking way he has a shot in hell. Sure, he’s the Premier League’s top player, but you? You’re on another level.

Paps don’t even bother trying to slander you anymore because they’ll never find a speck of dirt on you. There are always pictures of you volunteering, or visiting kids in hospitals, or petting dogs or some shit. Stuff that’s usually staged, but with you it isn’t.

You’ve never had a scandal hit the papers, always been spotted out with a famous model/actor/singer boyfriend who has never once been seen cheating on you. Jamie wonders if anyone could even consider cheating on someone with as much talent and kindness as you seem to possess.

Anyway, you’d never go for someone with his relatively checkered past. All you have to do is google “Jamie Tartt,” and there he is, making out with models, headlining cheating scandals, and having sex in fucking jacuzzis.

Yeah, you’d never go for it.

But as he’s at training, running drills and practicing goals, he keeps thinking about the way you looked with your feet in the pool, hair blowing softly in the breeze.

He decides to have a serious chat with Keeley.

—

He turns up to Keeley’s house and fucking Roy’s there, except this time it’s not really a surprise. Roy opens the door, scoffs, then walks away. 

“Prick’s here,” he calls to Keeley somewhere in the house, except it’s not as angry as it used to be. Jamie can almost trick himself into thinking it’s affectionate.

“Hello to you too, grandad,” he says to Roy’s back. Roy grunts and heads to the kitchen, presumably to finish making dinner. 

Keeley bounds down the stairs and wraps Jamie in a hug. “Glad you’re here, babe. Now we can have a good chat.”

She leads him to the couch and hands him a fluffy pink pillow, one that Jamie remembers throwing across the room more than once. Fuck, there’s another reminder why he shouldn’t even be thinking of seeing you again. He couldn’t properly emote when he was with Keeley, so how’s he supposed to navigate a serious relationship?

“Oi, stop overthinking,” Keeley says, snapping her fingers in front of his face.

“Weren’t overthinking,” Jamie replies automatically. “And since when are you a mindreader?” 

Keeley grins at that. “I’m not. Your face was just all twisty and shit, which means you’re actually using your brain for once. So come on, out with it.”

Jamie’s not entirely sure where to begin, but he opens his mouth and everything sort of comes spilling out. How he talked to you for ten seconds and is pretty sure he’ll never actually love again. And he’s convinced himself that he might have a shot but then he’s reminded of all his shitty choices and thinks he’ll never measure up but god fucking damnit, he wants something real and yeah, you’re another celebrity, but there’s something about your eyes or maybe it’s the way you move your hands, but he knows for sure that if you were just a regular girl he saw on the street, he’d feel the exact same way. 

Except neither of you are like, actually regular people, but for different reasons. And his fucking shitbag of a father is always looming in the back of his mind, especially since playing Man City the other week, and he won’t let his dad try to have any sort of hold over you because that would be shitty. So anyway, he’s pretty sure that’s everything and he’s probably going to die alone.

Keeley says, “Whoa,” with big eyes once he’s finished, and for a moment Jamie thinks she’s going to call a mental institute, but then she cocks her head and says, “Jamie, you do know that nothing’s actually happened, right? Like, you haven’t even asked her out?” and Jamie realizes that he’s been knee deep in his mind for a fucking long time.

“I mean, Roy’s no saint,” she continues while Roy shouts, “Oi!” from the kitchen, “and we still got together.”

Jamie just looks at her.

“Alright, bad example,” she says. “But hey, you’ll never know if you don’t try. I mean come on, you’re Jamie fucking Tartt! You’re like, the best footballer in all of England! And you’re right fit,” she says just loud enough for Roy to hear.

“I can’t cook for shit,” Jamie says miserably, and Roy barks out a short laugh while Keeley pats Jamie’s arm.

“You’re way too far in your fucking head, babe,” she says sympathetically. “Take it one day at a time, yeah? You don’t even know if you’ll see her again.”

table of contents

[envy-of-the-apple]

Yandere!Toji Fushiguro x reader

Trade off

So i accidentally deleted the toji ask like an idiot im really sorry anon bestie:( you tried. I just failed. 

Prequel and if enough ppl like it ill finish the fic i just wanna see how this does 

(Yandere, breaking/entering, attempted plan to murder, etc, etc idk) 

Living near the countryside has desensitized you to the thumps and crashes you’d hear at night. In the beginning you’d be paranoid, laying in your bed for hours before gathering the courage to step out of the room, trusty bat in hand, only to find a stray cat staring back, right beside an open window. Nowadays, you’re coolly shooing away whatever creature that finds their way in your home. Mostly it’s cats, sometimes you’d get the occasional bird or racoon. 

The situation has happened so many times that you aren’t even surprised to hear the soft rattle that comes from your kitchen tonight. You’re already moving, rousing from your soft bed, grabbing your trusty broom ready to scare away whatever creature you’d find scurrying about your kitchen floor. A rat, most likely. 

But the thing rustling through your fridge is no rodent, and you don’t recognize this man. 

It doesn’t occur to you that you’re being robbed until half a second later. Mainly because of how casual this bizarre situation is. He’s rifling through your food like it’s normal and you’re the weirdo carrying the broom. 

“Damn, there’s nothing here. Do you not eat or something?” 

You assume he’s thinking out loud, but he glances back at you like he expected you there. 

“I-I haven’t gotten the chance to go shopping this week,” You find yourself replying. 

He gives a hum, slamming the fridge shut, standing to his full height and you’re instantly aware of how ill-prepared you are to fight him. He’s huge, not just in height. He looks better fit for a bodybuilder than a run-of-the-mill robber. 

You left your phone upstairs. Why the fuck did you leave your phone upstairs? 

You lower your broom, trying to make yourself seem as little threatening as you can. Your mind is running too fast to conjure any real thoughts, but the part of you that hasn’t completely broken down yet is telling you it’s better to avoid any confrontation. A distraction. 

“There’s a TV in the next room,” You numbly point towards the living room, “It’s brand new….would probably go for a thousand.”

He barely seems interested, eyes flicking to glance over before going to you. 

“That’s nice,” He waves your offer off, “But I’m not here to steal your stuff.” 

“You’re…you’re not?” You reply weakly. 

There’s a grin on his face, a touch away from being maniacal. His hand is brushing his hip, lightly playing with the hilt of a gun.

Oh. 

Maybe it’s because you’re still half asleep, your brain isn’t working as efficiently, it takes you a bit longer to process his intentions. When it finally does, the realization hits you like a train. Your mouth gets dry, it suddenly feels so cold. Fear. You’ve never felt fear like this before. 

You don’t notice the steps you take backward. He does. The man groans in something you can only discern as annoyance. 

“Don’t do that,” He frowns, “Come on, I’m trying to be nice here. I can’t chase you around the house, I'm supposed to make it look like an accident.” 

His nonchalance is terrifying. Like he’s done this before. He probably has. How many people has he murdered in their own homes? How many bodies does it take to be so calm around imminent death? 

You don’t have time to wonder, not when something he said catches your attention. 

“Were…were you hired to come here?” 

His mouth twitches and it looks like he’s thinking. Finally, he shrugs, like the information he gives won’t really do anything to harm him. 

“Yeah, some rich folk in the city. Can’t remember their names for shit though.” 

Someone had a vendetta against you? Enough to want to kill you? Your mind is running through every single name, every quarrel you’ve had. Family members, friends, acquaintances. Nothing enough comes up. 

Nothing is supposed to. Only crazy people hire hitmen. 

And hitmen are even crazier. 

You take another step back.

He takes another forward.

(End of prequel)

[tired-biscuit]

this is like maybe a little specific and really just me rambling

but FIRST of all im obsessed with your portrayal of kiba. he's like always been my fav but his content is so limited so its been away since my imagination flew but phew these last few days reading your blog has been a journey.

but back to the ramble ive been thinking a lot of the brother's bsf trope for him. at first i was riding naru bc bros but then i thought about sasu and the whole prideful uchiha vibe. even in the modern version, then just being like these corporate giants alongside the hyugas and the other ‘noble’ clans. and like maybe kiba isn’t really bsfs with sasu but like the whole ‘genin’ growing up around each other thing. probably all just went through the same school system.

ANYWAY rambles

i imagine like the uchiha ‘princess’, the only daughter and youngest sibling to sasu and ita. and like she’s just really grown up with that whole corpo royalty vibe, getting everything she wants, always supervised low key suppressed LIKE NOTHING NEW HERE low-key maybe even loosely in talks of being engaged to one of the ally corps like hyugas or something the point is its SCREAMING corruption for kiba. like the forbidden fruit. subtle classism, like kiba’s family isn’t what the uchihas would envision for her but like I just imagine her sneaking out with her brother to a uni party or something (like maybe sasu got to go to a public uni and she got the private treatment) and just like bumping into kiba in all his alpha buff man-ness and just like that first spark of lust just like overwhelms her like doesn’t even know whats going on but OH BOY KIbA does and he’s just like ‘yeah I got what you need bbygirl’ and yeah. Asdfsjhkgrhgo I have a lot of thoughts sorry for all the words 🐣

i don’t see kiba and sasuke being friends because kiba is too big of a hater, BUT i think that would even add more to the appeal because, like… he can act like a real proper shithead towards the people he doesn’t particularly like, so scoring sasuke’s little sister? yeah, he’d definitely try it just to get a sense of some kind of victory from it.

and i think it’d be the initial motive at first — the whole ‘haha, i fucked your sister, whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?’ — but then one thing leads to another and suddenly he’s caught… feelings. feelings that he doesn’t really know how to comprehend yet, and it’s weird because you’re like his exact opposite; so fancy and with your nose upturned whenever he winds up in your presence, pushing your whole princess agenda forward. and he knows that he should find it annoying because you’re acting just like your equally as annoying brother, but instead he’s catching himself thinking about you more and more and he’s almost finding it entertaining. pestering you is almost fun to him.

i think he’d wonder what you’d look like without the make up and the pretty skirt. what you’d look like with messy hair instead of it being in that almosy eerie state where each strand is sitting perfectly in place. he wants to see actual sweat coating your face instead of that matt powder he’s seen you reapply once or twice before because you hate the shine on your forehead. he wants to fuck you nasty and ruin that idea of you being a perfect girl in every single situation just so that he can see what you’re really like underneath.

besides that, i also imagine him initially pursuing you because he hates, hates, hates the whole idea behind noble clans, as well as the set of strict, mostly unfair rules that they’ve got going on, because of what they did to hinata. so if you’re his ticket to fuck with them a little bit, hey, why not?

you would find him appealing because he just simply does not give a shit what anybody thinks. he might get pissed off if someone insults him, sure, but he still ends up doing whatever it is that he wants in that moment and he doesn’t apologize for it. plus, his clan is more like one big family instead of a picture on the wall where everyone is smiling their most perfect grin despite the fact that their eyes still end up looking cold.

he’s warm, you know? carefree and dumb and not uptight at all. he finds joy in the little things and instead of spending money on fancy dinners, he buys things cheap because he’s saving up for a roadtrip that he’s planning to go on this summer with his shitty truck. he doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty and he loves his dog more than most people.

…and he’s also the first man who actually looks you in the eyes and tells you you’re full of shit when you start acting bratty and deserve to be called out for it. he treats you like a person instead of delicate glass.

[eldrbraus]

TWISTED WONDERLAND BOOK 7 CHAPTER 2 SPOILERS. (summary, kinda. dont trust me a lot on literal translations its more of a general summary and i could be wrong with some things. also its kind of live reaction so. yeah. this shit is long btw. too much lore.)

no spoilers in tags, but beware that i will be spoiling the whole chapter for people who cant wait for the full translation/people who cant read it

we begin.

>lilia is asking malleus to use the dorm for a “im going away lol” party that apparently the whole dorm is organizing??? damn lilia way to make malleus sad lmao

>MALLEUS IS INVITED!!!!!!! HES INVITED HE GOT AN INVITATION AND EVERYTHING!!! SOBS. he even accepts it this is a glorious day for dragonchan

>uhhh something i dont fully understand but goes along the lines of malleus.. had gao gao kun.. FOR 17 YEARS??? AND WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THE TOY HE WOULD GO TO LILIAS HOUSE FOR HIM TO HELP HIM??? omg thats so fucking cute help

>basically more talk about how time goes away way too fast for malleus

>lilia comments how the more time you spend with someone the harder it is to say goodbye (bestie arent you going away like too easily then? sus.)

>lilia left and OOP. MORE MALLEUS BLOT. NOT GOOD. malmal is very confused??

>lilia goodbye party already??? wtf thats fast

>so apparently every single character is going to be here (almost...)

>hmh where the fuck is malleus? lol what

>trey says something along the lines of lilia having a hmmmmmm unique??? way of cooking LMAO. lilia thanks trey for his cooking advice (YOU DIDNT LISTEN EVEN ONCE WHAT THE FUCK LILIAAA)

>cater....... hes so sad about lilia leaving the music club :((( he thanks lilia for being friends and they take a pic together waaaaa ;;

>lmao leona appeared and lilia is teasing him so much bcs leona is glad to not see lilia again

>LEONA WANTS TO LEAVE BUT RUGGIE SAID “NO??? THIS IS FREE FOOD??? R U DUMB” HELP

>octavinelle time! lilia basically gives all of them advice (azul dont be too greedy or it will kill you wwwww)

>floyd says something like “why are you leaving actually” and lilia says something along the lines of “i dont want you to see the ?? me?” the what you i didnt understand that part what are you hiding little bitch

>KALIM BASICALLY SAID THAT IF LILIA GOES TO HIS COUNTRY HE WOULD HAVE VIP TREATMENT FROM HIS FAMILY HELLO? and jamil comments how kalim wanted to gift him an instrument but they needed a TRUCK TO MOVE IT???? tf were you giving him, an organ?

>now to pomefiore, vil comments how malleus restored his beauty at the end of book 6 and wonders if they can do a magic transfer (?) of the same type to lilia and he says nah

>BECAUSE HES JUST OLD

>pomefiore is like ? arent you the same age as us

>LORE BOMBSHELL, LILIA SAYS HES ALMOST 700 YEARS OLD??????? (way less than i expected?? lol)

>LMAO THEYRE SO SURPRISED. rook asked if malleus is as old as lilia and lilia said that malleus is younger??? or that hes as old as them??? i didnt get that very well but something along the lines of malleus being way younger than lilia basically

>lilias family members are supposed to reach 1000 years old but apparently lilia was to eager? well not that, like he fucked up by playing too many games and that somehow made him old very fast? what (i think this might be a misstranslation help because it doesnt make a lot of sense. but something along the lines of lilia being 700 or so and his family being much older usually but him not reaching that age)

>cant remember exactly where it was but lilia also coments about how the dragons usually live much longer and that 1000 years for them is like peak maturity, when they become adults

>IDIA IS CRYING BECAUSE HIS GAMER FRIEND IS RETIRING FROM GAMING BUT HE WONT FUCKING CONNECT THE DOTS AND REALIZE ITS LILIA LMAO

>HE FORGOT TO ASK HIM HIS CONTACTS HELPPPPP

>also apparently him and lilia were their own best and first friends in online games?

>oh malleus and silver time! theyre in the main road to the main building 

>malleus is throwing a mild tantrum (?) and he made snow??? apparently

>silver fucking crying because he wasnt able to do anything for his dad bruh malleus feels the same

>more malleus blot?? what the fuck thats fast

>UH OH MALLEUS HAS AN IDEA. that cant be good.

>back to the party, first years time

>basically all thank lilia for everything

>i think ortho knows about lilia and idia being gamer friends but wont tell them??? he just said that idia didnt want to come and hands lilia a list of everything idia is playing (and lilia is surpised because most of the games are the same BUT HE WONT REALIZE) so maybe they can play a match before he retires i guess???? theyre so close to finding out but they wont fucking do it im going insane

>idia didnt come to the aprty btw he is the only character that is not there because he was mourning his friend quitting the game lmao

>lilia thanks yuu once again for being friends with malleus?

>HUH? A DREAM???? BUT YUU IS NOT ASLEEP TF

>yuu asks lilia if they can do anything for him and lilia asks the first years to be friends with sebek because poor croc hasnt made a single friend rip

>lilia apologized for sebeks behaviour bcs ace i believe said that he was so rude and said to sebek to behave but sebek.... refuses? lol

>LILIA IS GOING ALREADY AND MALLEUS AND SILVER ARE NOT BACK YET STOP.

>apparently lilias card for nrc arrived 500 years ago but he didnt care back then? so when malleus received his much later he went along with him (and he thanks crowley for letting him enter the school 500 years later lol)

>LILIA IS GOING

>MALLEUS AND SILVER ARRIVED ON TIME!

>malleus is really happy everyone is there

>??? the party said that no gift was needed but malleus is brining lilia a gift anyways, a “blessing”. uhhhh. 

>m. malleus is like way too happy about this. hes saying something along the lines of “today we dont celebrate an end but a beginning” uh. not good.

>this bitch is way too happy tf

>BASICALLY MALLEUS PLAN IS THE MUGEN TSUKUYOMI HELP?

>ORTHO IMMEDIATELY DETECTED BLOT RISING

>crowley is fucking alarmed and he lets everyone use their magic 

>malleus regular battle HE HAS 300K HP AND REGENS 60K EVERY SINGLE TURN??????? BASICALLY AN IMPOSSIBLE BATTLE LIKE THE FIRST BATTLE IN THE GAME AGAINST THE CHIMERA

>you will lose this battle

>lilia tried to make magic to stop him but says something like “this body cant even do magic like that anymore?!” tf you mean “this body” do you have other bodies like dottore or what

>everyone is scared shitless HUH

>lilia is now insulting malleus calling him a dumbass or smth and saying that he doesnt know what hes doing and malleus screams that hes doing this to not lose him HELP

>sebek and silver are trying to calm things down, it obviously doesnt work

>malleus says something about grabbing his hand??? scary

>he gave his blessing! its a long ass spell btw. i think his “blessing” is his unique magic

>DAMN THAT LILIA SCREAM

>MALLEUS FUCKING OVERBLOTS. ALREADY???

>THE WHOLE SCHOOL WAS COVERED IN THORNS AND EVERYONE FALLS ASLEEP???

>malleus saying something about 1000 years will pass very quick wtf

>”you will become the heroes of the story”? malmal says something like that

>AND NOW

>AND FUCKING NOW

>WE RETURN TO THE TWISTED WONDERLAND LOGO. THE ONE FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME. WHILE MALLEUS HUMMS ONCE UPON A DREAM.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.

THE TIME LOOP THEORY? HUH?

[un-pearable]

okay post sonic symphony post recap :D

1st mezzanine sweep (could see both the orchestra + the singers excluding when they went in the audience at one point) + we were right next to the projector (cool!!!!) and some of the speakers (ouch)

orchestral:

setlist (as best i remember, i wasn’t writing it down, PLEASE correct me):

sonic 1

sonic cd

sonic 2

sky sanctuary

sonic mania

“welcome to 3D”

believe in myself/it doesn’t matter medley

chao garden

“three new ones”

rooftop run

aquarium park/planet wisp

frontiers medley w/ stuff from third DLC

i was so excitedly surprised to see the new visuals!!! they did a really great job combining the new origins cutscenes with gameplay and the timing was INCREDIBLE esp for a live show. infinite kudos and honestly i can appreciate them waiting two years to actually do this since the cutscenes really tied to first few medleys together

conductor absolutely CRUSHED IT dude was very understanding that the audience was going to be Losing It consistently and he made it work. so much love to that orchestra they did a stellar job and im so sad they’ll get overshadowed by the vocal parts (which. yeah obviously. but they did SUCH great work and the conductor did a great job directing the audiences applause to them)

felt bad they had to stop between every single medley for applause but such is life . also experiencing live audience reactions for stuff like the chemical plant zone drowning trap and amy being playable in the metal sonic race was amazing

enjoyed the sky sanctuary medley even though it took the place of the sonic 3k music overall, so much kudos to the video team that was SO cool (AND IT HAD THE FRONTIERS ANIMATED SPECIAL!!!!! YEAHHHH WIN FOR KNUCKLES FANS EVERYWHERE)

the believe in myself/it doesn’t matter one’s are always so sweet to me i love how they frame them using the cutscenes from each of their respective stories + the end card 🥺 now do that for everyone else’s themes!!!!!!!!!!

i’m definitely forgetting at least one bit in there but it was so delightful all around, the new arrangements were so fun, unleashed sweeps as always but one guy near me was SUPER passionate about aquarium park im glad he was happy. the frontiers medley ended w/ the new supersonic form and having not watched that trailer this was the BEST possible way to see that new content holy SHIT!!!!!!!!

intermission: that was the single most positive bathroom i’ve ever been in and i mean that in the least weird way possible. everyone was so so so excited and complimentary (ty to the person who liked my pins and whose fiancé liked the tails one. i like it a lot too :]) also kudos to the stunning wave cosplayer i saw she was killing it!!!!! molly whoever you were i hope you enjoyed the second half as much as i did

vocal tracks:

setlist (i actually did write this one down):

i am all of me

what i’m made of

open your heart

knight of the wind

escape from the city

(new!!) superstars intro theme

his world

reach for the stars

fist bump

endless possibility

(fake out ending)

break through it all

undefeatable

live and learn

the fake out of having only the orchestra on stage and then l having i am all of me just START even before johnny + jun got on stage. incredible. we were all so distracted i have to find a clip of the audible chaos when the music started going and everyone clocked it was SHADOW FIRST. anyway so so so funny they only showed cutscenes from shth . no gameplay. gee wonder why

interesting structure too, compared to the order of the OG one in 2021 (which focused more on ramping up to the classics + live n learn at the end) this order bookended some of the less popular songs (reach for the stars and the new superstars theme particularly) with the BIG names

you should have heard how much people lost it when johnny said “you are… what i’m made of” i’m so proud of you sonic symphony audience. we are all sonic heroes appreciators

oh also johnny + everyone’s clumsy attempts to name drop/imply song names in their inbetweens. hilarious. astounding. i’m glad we’re your knight johnny

^ re: prev i NEED a recording of that it was glorious. if anyone has one hmu

literally two minutes before the second half started i was telling my beloved friend i dragged along that all i needed to be happy was for them to have kept knight of the wind and it was the FOURTH SONG . WIN FOR JAY. 3 of my top fives within the first twenty mins of act 2. incredible

obviously escape from the city floored everyone. i think that got the most people singing but we were all already exhausted vocally it was very funny hearing what lines people mumbled. but it DID have the most call and response, with the biggest songs they would really just shut off the mics and let the audience sing a lot of lines it was so so fun

johnny took his leave from the stage (and complimented + thanked dave vives and also the fandom), said goodnight, and sometime around now tomoya ohtani was brought on (he deserved more applause and did eventually get it)

superstars theme was cool!!!! but right after city escape was funny bc . no one knows it. you go from most singable theme imaginable to everyone sitting as upright as possible and the half that wasn’t already recording to whip out their phones to capture it especially as they introduce it as “the first time this song has EVER played on this side of the ocean” lmao. hope you liked it london i’m glad you took us down a peg

his worrrrrrlddddd we all love it. we were all so tired. also we kept fumbling the lines bc we all like the zebra head version and rappings hard. i get it. video team did a fun job remixing the visuals for sonic + shadow + silver focus sections though it was really cool

reach for the stars really had people peetering out over the length partly bc we were all exhausted vocally and partly bc it’s sadly less iconic

i could not take fistbump seriously bc they had our beloved ian jr front and center for the whole video. it was glorious. they started w gadget for the opening bit and then bam ian jr everywhere. amazing . got a whole games worth of cutscenes with his beautiful face you did your creator (who was IN THE AUDIENCE) proud

good break before endless possibility though

possibilities are endless. ‘nuff said

jk the video was STUNNING and a lot of it was the opening cutscene which remains some of the best sonic animation ever to this day. and this song REALLY showcased how well the orchestra worked simultaneously with the band it was glorious . the use of the werehog transformation scene in time with:

mwa. stunning choice. and once again damn the band’s vocalist (dave vives) CRUSHED IT. johnny gave him a shout out for being a worthy successor at the shows he can’t attend and it was so so so deserved y’all are in for a treat

around here my ears + voice started genuinely feeling weird. the sacrifices we make for an absolutely wild experience (it’s all fine now though dw <3)

at this point they thanked everyone for coming + the band walked off stage and they turned all the lights off for a joke. me knowing they wouldn’t leave w/o live and learn was skeptical <- totally forgot they had a whole other guest star who hadn’t done his signature contribution yet

“one more” chanting ensued and my bro says he thinks they definitely had someone planted to say that but like. they did way more than one more. no way that was an intentional phrase

the band returned!!!! KELLIN QUINN KILLED IT

it’s dead. it’s dead and gone . my hearing and also the ability to play sonic music it’s been forever changed . hearing those incredible songs from frontiers + a full live orchestra backing up the astounding vocals (HOW) was incredible. this is when i could feel the literal balcony shaking . my vocal chords are going to kill me tomorrow

obligatory “just one more” was undefeatable and ngl im so glad they did it second, the hype up with break through it all made it even better despite them going the opposite in the game . should have used the cooler going supersonic clip from the trailers rather in game though . no one is immune to undefeatable + the extending music video was crazy good

ANOTHER “one last one” in which johnny was called back on stage, pretended to not know what people were asking for/what he was supposed to sing, got the ENTIRE crowd yelling the name of the song, and then and he + kellin absolutely crushed live and learn

it’s live and learn. it’s the perfect end note ft. quinn’s unparalleled vocals. what more do you need

they showed the really funny still shot of shadow overlaid on the moon for the last shot of the video and i know it’s the actual ending but it lingered for like 15 seconds and i couldn’t stop laughing . they showed all the dialogue captions leading up to him dying so i though they were going to show him falling to earth but nah. stock render brain store ass pose

still COOL AS HELL!!!!!!! they had us congratulate EVERYONE and all the individual band members and the orchestra and im so so so happy with how it went . one million thanks to these wonderful people they did a great job

a couple literally got engaged in the lobby. one group started belting sonic underground on like the third floor of the stairway. it was incredible. the oscar’s could never top this ty dolby theaterrr

absolutely incredible all around . special shout out to: the people lowkey cosplaying while still in formalwear (woman in a beautiful white dress wearing a rouge hairpiece i salute you. guy in blue suit and guy in orange suit you’re amazing. woman in the fanciest amy rose dress i’ve ever seen im in love). the people with awesome t-shirts i am among your ranks we love a fandom with cool shirt designs. people in full on cosplay i am so so happy for all the diversity in characters i saw. the line for merch that stretched all the way back into the theater at the end: what was the theater staff doing that was bonkers. the people handing out stickers that i missed i Will be stalking your online stores. all the people in normal formal wear carrying their plushies? amazing. the world is beautiful. goodnight everyone

[nero-vanderwolf]

“You have to be the dumbest person I have ever had the misfortune of interacting with!”

Akechi stood in front of Ryuji, glowering and livid.

And Ryuji was having none of his shit.

“I’m the dumb one? We figured out your whole shtick because of pancakes! Effin’ pancakes, dude! And you’re the one who let it slip!”

Akechi folded his arms, scowling beneath his mask. “Yes. And once again, I have proven myself to be a valuable asset to the team- unlike yourself. You blunder around, miss attacks, get knocked on your ass every three turns... Honestly, it’s a miracle you’re still allowed to be a Phantom Thief.”

It felt like Ryuji had been punched. It felt like Kamoshida had broken his leg again, like his father was screaming at him, like Mona was calling him pathetic and useless.

“....Y’know what, actually? For once, you’re right. Why am I still a Phantom Thief?”

Akechi shifted, now silent. Ryuji vaguely wondered if he was the reason ol’ Black Mask was quiet. Yeah, right. As if he, of all people, could be clever enough to shut someone up.

“Sakamoto...?” Akechi’s voice was sickeningly quiet. Ryuji wanted Akechi to yell, to scream and shout at him. He wanted to hear the fury in Akechi’s voice, the sorrow and heartbreak and every ugly emotion after.

Ryuji wanted Akechi to hit him. He wanted to feel something other than the hollow pit in his gut, he wanted to feel something other than guilt at his own uselessness. He wanted Akechi to take his attention from his pathetic self-pity and direct it at something else, something like hitting. It seemed like that was all Ryuji was good for anyways.

A good little attack dog, biting and maiming whatever he was told to. Thrashing limbs and bloodied teeth were all Ryuji knew now. It made him sick.

“Sakamoto-”

“Tell the others I’m staying behind. Make something up, say I’m keeping watch for Shadows or something. But tell them I’m not catching up.”

Suddenly, he felt hands on his shoulders. It was now that he realised he was shaking.

“Sakamoto, you are coming with us. I won’t let you do something stupid and risk your life for us again,” Akechi said with finality. Ryuji couldn’t find it in himself to argue. He couldn’t even push Akechi off.

“Whaddya mean ‘again’...?” Was what he said instead, desperately fighting back tears.

“Time and time again you’ve thrown yourself headfirst into danger, never giving it a second thought. It’s always been to protect us, but it’s as though you don’t even spare yourself a single thought.”

Because he didn’t. He never thought about himself, about his safety. If his friends were unharmed, he’d gladly take as many hits as his body could handle.

“...It keeps you all safe, doesn’t it...?”

He was met with silence.

Though this time, it was arguably worse.

RYUGORO KAKJDJDBDBDNDBFB HOW IVE MISSED YOU!!!! I WAS going to say the girls are fighting but as that went on the girls got sad... RYUJI LISTEN TO AKECHI ryuji risks his life for everyone and gets absolutely nothing in return. just because he loves them so much and wants to protect them but they never give him credit for it. they are ASSHOLES to him sometimes but he still can't let them go because he feels like they're all he has.... im getting thoughts...

[ssreeder]

oh my god. oh my goodness fucking gracious me.

so I just have to tell you that I found your fic this morning and I fucking SPEEDED through that shit (even though it was SO long--IM NOT COMPLAINING I LOVE LONG FICS) but oh my god. oh my god

you're so talented??? first of all, like I'm on my knees wondering where all this came from. like you came up with this?? it was in your head?? and you wrote it by yourself? oh my god reSPECT

also it's so beautifully written‼️‼️ I went back and looked at the character development and the everything because good lord it was so well paced. like I was on the edge of my bed seat during every single chapter. good lord

zukka + all of ATLA is my current hyperfixation and your fic has soothed me so completely

jesus christ on a cracker do you understand how talented you are?? do you *grabs you aggressively by the shoulders and stares deeply into your eyes* DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW INCREDIBLE AND SKILLFUL AND GORGEOUS THIS IS??? PLEASE

okay but in all seriousness, here are some of my favorite lines(mostly from the last chapter because jesus fuck I do nOT have time to scroll back through everything your wrote):

"And here he was, all these years later… not used to it. He knew he would never get used to the blood curdling scream a person made when the fire stripped their body clean and their bones were reduced to nothing but a pile of ash and a terrible smell.

No wonder the world referred to them as ash-makers."

Jesus fucking fuck. CHILLS BBY I HAD CHILLS

"Watch out for your little brother" OHOHOHO HEHEEEE

"'Your teacher will be someone who has mastered Neutral Jing. You need to find someone who waits and listens before striking. Do not worry about your old friend Aang, he isn’t buried in the ground yet!' Bumi cackled the way that he had since they were just kids.

...

'The white lotus Pai Sho piece? I don’t have a set, no one else knows how to play.'"

AHAHAH THE TOPH AND UNCLE IROH DROP IM GOING TO BE SICK

"I'll go wherever you go." KILLING MYSELF WHY ARE THEY SO SWEET

anyway that's enough from me (I feel like you should know I typed all of this while either rolling around on the floor screaming or sitting very still with a DEEPLY disturbing (so I'm told) and very somber expression on my face).

i hope you have a lovely day you gorgeous beautiful perfect human being

This is me reading your ask… dude wtf this is so nice!!!!

I AM BEING SHOULDER GRABBED WITH LOVE AND I REALLY LIKE IT AHHHHH!!! its so funny because its been so long since i wrote the first book you sent me those quotes and im like uhhhuhhh ohhh yeah mhmmmm wait i wrote that?? Haha (except the “watch out for your little brother”) cause that was twisted in a way that made me smirk.. haha that sentence meant so much!!! (I do think the bumi quote was directly from canon though so I take zero credit for that just trying to keep it canon haha)

I’m glad you like my writing enough to come scream at me. I love when people scream kind words at me I WANT TO BE SHOULDER GRABBED WITH PRAISE MORE AHHHHH!!!

thanks for this epic ask you’re fucking amazing never change

[bitchin-tubs]

Complain time again tee hee but I’m just like UGHHHH talking genuinely to these ppl is SO hardddddd

With girl A, I spent almost a whole class lecture (friendly) debating with this one girl on why people medically diagnosed as psychopaths and sociopaths are not inherently dangerous, are not narcissistic by default and how ‘masking’ is not a form a manipulation. Her source for all of these… You. The Netflix show…

With girl B, I feel like she’s sooooo,,,, dismissive ?? Idk like I tried to introduce her to my friends once and she genuinely did not gaf. Like I said hi B this is C then she says hi to me and me only. Like my girl C is right here. But at the same time she’s always bringing me into her friend groups which is fine but I dont connect easily so most times I’m kinda just there SPECIALLY if it’s an all men group when I have specially told her I tend to be uncomfortable with men for “no” reason

I was having a conversation with girl A and the topic of autism was brought up, I told her that I think I may be low on the spectrum but there are some things I tend to relate to with autism behaviors, and considering opened up to me about her anxiety and how she had previously talked very openly abt diagnosis I thought maybe she’d get it. I know,,, self diagnosis (u are free to feel any type of way abt it) but idk I thought she’d have any type of nuanced comment about it but I should’ve known from the psychopath talk… I had told her that I find meeting new people very hard, I have difficulty talking to said people and I tend to be very restrictive about who I make a meaningful connection to. She said that my personality is and I quote “mamona” (jerk/snob/asshole ish) and completely dismissed my masking, overstimulation, 10 year old special interest, taking shit to literal and not understanding social cues or instructions as “just being different” yeah so I thought… yknow I might not have autism valid but idk I felt so ignored at that moment

Also don’t think I just unpack shit on her unannounced, we talk and convos play out as they usually do and since the topic was out I was like sometimes I wonder if I have it because of so and so plus she was unwinded with me before so it wasn’t impossible for us to talk abt personal stuff, even though we not so tight we are still close

Another thing I’m very bad at making friends, I think I mirror good enough to have nice interactions with people but not to the point they invite me to shit or talk to me outside of classes. Back when I was in my exchange program I was sharing a room with 3 swifties so I had to pretend to like Taylor swift so I wouldn’t feel singled out, I also watched the summer I turned pretty and witnessed these girls thirst over bad boy #2 when I thought the character was so shitty (the actor is good looking but I’m not attracted to him) and also would also unknowingly spend all-nighters on school nights (as in I didn’t know they were meant to be all-nighters) with them watching a movie I didn’t particularly like and see everyone thirsting over annoying man on screen (one of them was some straight outta wattpad step-sibling story ew, the other pride and prejudice IM SORRY YALL I DIDNT GET THE HYPE 😭 call me uncultured it’s okay

A and B are sólo also hardcore swifties and I can only be neutral abt her otherwise they get on my ass about it and saying I like Taylor swift or her music is too big of a lie even for me

I told girl A about this (or at least a bit) and she said that I should’ve just been me. Girl I can’t be me we were both witnessing a girl being actively bullied (tv show ass bullying they printed a picture of her and drew over it ugly, taped it to her dorm room. Still hurtful and bullying tho) I’m NOT about to ostracize myself

HOWEVERRR these are not my main friends, these are like the friends I made to not be lonely in these extra classes for an American 🦅🦅🦅 diploma. My close CLOSE friends are from my same career classes and they are so much more understanding and can interact more naturally with. So in my day to day I got good genuine friends by my side

I recognize that I can be perceiving these memories differently than how they actually happened, misinterpret their actions and just be in my feeling right now but idk I feel like I’m so difficult and constantly just have to comply with people in order to make others comfortable

[variablejabberwocky]

so hexadecimal notation is just...hot garbage. the number system itself is fine but the way people write it is....oof

found a notation system that looked promising...if it wasn't done in the dumbest fucking way possible. bibi-binary has the really cool idea of encoding the binary value of the number into the shape of it. sound like a good idea right? haha. ha. yeah no some dumbfuck decided that when there is only one digit of binary in the string of four-per-number that the rules for the shape should CHANGE

its SUPPOSED to be that the shapes are curved unless having to do a 3-point-switchback or some shit. and the curves are supposed to terminate on the digit place that are present as "1" in the binary encoding

EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THE SINGLE DIGIT PLACEMENTS CURVE AWAY FROM THE DIGIT INSTEAD OF TOWARDS IT

0001 is SUPPOSED to end on that "1", instead it ends on the "0" OPPOSITE it, like a fucking moron. so it makes 0001 look like it should be 1000, 0010 look like it should be 0100, 0100 look like it should be 0010, and 1000 look like it should be 0001

the rest of the shapes are fine and follow the alleged logic. so why the FUCK don't these bits?

it also had the cool idea to name these new shapes based on four consonants and four vowels in order so that you know where you're at in the sequence... except even THAT seems fucked since the order of both the vowels AND the consonants is seemingly random. like as far as i know the french alphabet is IDENTICAL to the english one, no new letters or swapped positions, so why the FUCK is this shit random???

why not put the consonants in order of how you find them in the alphabet lineup? why not put the vowels in order? WHY DOES NONE OF THIS MAKE SENSE?????

like i make jokes about the french language influences fucking up english but honestly this shit is starting to make me wonder if its intentional. like is that part of french culture? are the french trolly little assholes about language the way usamericans are LOUD self-centered assholes? is this a cultural thing? or is it because the creator of this system was ALSO a whimsical fuckhead musician?

either way im pissed. this could be SUCH a good system... if it wasn't so FUCKING STUPIDLY EXECUTED

[rainswept]

why do you like chuuya /gen, like I dont mean to sound rude in anyway but why😭🙏

this is going under a read more because i started yapping and couldn’t stop. i’m sorry

his personality. hes so funny and hes such a bitch i love him. but also he’s an incredibly dynamic character. he’s well written and tbh that’s enough for me to like him already. he’s had so much shit thrown at him and very well could have become a horrible person but he’s not. others care about him and he cares about others. he hasn’t let himself become as bitter as he could have been. he is still so full of humanity despite it despite everything SEE NEXT PARAGRAPH

i’m a sucker for characters that are entirely completely human and yet don’t think they are, or struggle with whether they are or not (especially thinking so because of all the reasons that they are— but i suppose chuuya doesn’t really fit that part so i won’t get into that now.) like yes chuuya has (or had, i guess) a reason to believe he isn’t, but does that really matter when faced with the fact that you have emotions and blood just like everyone else? does your make matter when you’re not so different after all? it’s existential. it makes u think. 

his crime list is about as short as he is and i find that wonderful

his lore/past/backstory whatever you want to call it. not even, he’s still going through it. man 😭. he’s had so much loss but not a single goodbye and i think that’s a really fucking good (and depressing) concept. he has never had the chance to mourn properly. he acts like he did.

hes cunty

his dynamic w dazai i find very compelling too. like yes they bicker and yes they fight and yes they “hate” each other (they don’t) but they also trust each other with their lives and have left them in each other’s hands too many times to count. it shows u the depth of both their bond but also the characters individually. they’re not entirely self sufficient.. they can obviously take care of themselves but they’re at their best when working togegher. i thinkt hats cool. FREINDSHIP IS MAGIC!!1! no but it shows u that even the strongest people arent at their best until theyre able to connect. not that dazai and chuuya have a model relationship at all… but there’s trust there. and that’s enough

hes hot

he makes me so viscerally and upsettingly sad

dog motifs. ok hear me OUT i’m SORRY but tbh the title was what got me interested in bsd in the first place. everyone is a stray in this show and i like that very much. i love characters that are LOYAL to a FAULT. i love characters with gnashing teeth and wagging tails. i love characters that hold so tight onto things their hands hurt and they end up causing them to flee. that “everything i’ve ever loved has claw marks on it”??? yeah give me that shit i will eat it up EVERY TIME. i love characters that are blinded by their senses of duty, not in the way that they’d do anything whoever they’re loyal to asks of them (though that is a nice dynamic too, i don’t think that’s as Chuuya ™️ as the other i’m talking about), but in the way that they’d lay down their life without a second thought (or caring about how those people see them). a dog that is beat may bite but but but it will still have its duty. even if it hates it. (<- see also AKUTAGAWA akutagawa is the reigning champion of dog motifery that is probably why i love him so much. but that is akutagawa. and i’m talkign about chuuya so im gonna dhut up now) ) i like characters with Three Betrayals COUGH COUGH COU💥💥💥💥ogh mymgod scafamocuhe 3 betrayals chuuya flags sheep dazai Im HOWLIFJG someone KILL ME NEOW ok thay doesnt make aense i just thought it was funny. anywa

fanbs fanbs* FANGS idc if they’re fake

thanks for comign ti my ted talk 🙏 i may add more later. but i didn’t want to. talk. too much. um. i think that’s out the window though