#yeah i kinda do think frank actually likes dee more it's just that dee is a woman and hes a misogynist

[sunscall]

this is a whatever detail but i think the gang may have been positioned here based on the ones they love or get paired up with the most being beside (or opposite for charlie and frank's case) them, which means:

charlie - frank and mac

mac - charlie and dennis

dennis - dee and mac

dee - dennis and frank

frank - charlie and dee

mostly said this bc of vibes but it's kinda backed up by this data posted on reddit by user yviews a year ago, which shows which characters get paired up together the most. one of my most favourite sunny post ever i love statistics man

that being said, they all do love each other in their weird little ways of course. just that i think they might have been positioned here to die beside their most loved ones or something which is a nice detail to me if true

[somechillthoughts]

ok this is my first ever tumblr text post (or whatever u call it) but i wanna just ramble about something interesting i like of always sunny.

(btw i'm not that far deep into sunny either, i just know a lot from clips and compilations)

one thing that always interests me when discussing sunny through a queer lens is that charlie is one of (if not the only) member of the gang that doesn't really lean that heavy into patriarchal, toxic masculine stereotypes unlike the rest.

dennis is a prolific sex addict who uses sex as a way of dominance over women and to fuel his egotistical behavior, constantly using women as sex objects and trying to portray himself as "the leader" of the gang (which he kinda is).

mac's constant inner fight with his own sexuality and religious/conservative upbringing made him conceive this persona of what a man is supposed to be. he shows off this posture of machismo that is clearly all a lie to keep his true emotions and feelings coming out, not to mention him trying to get his father's attention throughout his life made him adapt a lot of his harmful traits as well.

dee being the only women of the group has its faults surrounding herself with men who don't treat her at all good, but she's always able to throw that same shit to the other women in the show who she seems to think are competition, competing for male validation and a way of feeling superior to women beneath you.

frank is the oldest and more traditional of the gang, constantly displaying bigotry wherever he goes, this including instilling patriarchal and misogynistic tactics cause he doesn't know better (or just doesn't care). his constant homophobia towards mac in the early seasons to then his coming out episode is clear of a sort of insecurity and this old school way of thinking of how men should be.

but charlie? he's a whole different case all together.

ofc all the gang is bigoted, especially when it comes to misogyny and following patriarchal ideals, but when it comes to charlie, he doesn't really exude that kinda idea at all, maybe not even to the same extent as the other men. he's seen as the more open and comfortable in his masculinity, not really trying to be this macho man that he knows he can't be. he's very open with being effeminate, not afraid to question gender, and wouldn't mind partaking in roles that are specifically meant to be for women. (he even crossdresses for fun and to go to the bathroom). this could just be because alot of sunny fans like to headcanon him as non-binary/trans (which i also do as well), i think it could go deeper than that.

now, ofc with that being said, the others in the gang sometimes don't follow the same rules they put on for themselves (dennis wears makeup, mac's motherly nature, frank able to express his emotions with others, dee's camaraderie with other women at times) but it's usually one-off moments and sometimes doesn't even last a season, while charlie's like this (from what i know) throughout the whole show.

idk i just really like always sunny and the show is incredibly gay once u start digging for it and i like the charlie headcanons alot so yeah. sorry if this didn't make sense. i will probably do a remake of this when i actually finish the show but who knows. lemme know what y'all think

[cutemeat]

3, 7, and 10!

3. what are your top 3 favorite episodes?

I have many many manyyyy faves (and also got this question a bunch, which excites me so dont worry ab that) so im gonna do different themes for my top 3's...

my top 3 fave eps of eps that I've rewatched the most are: The Gang Gets Romantic, The Gang Group Dates, and The Gang Dances Their Asses Off (with Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life as an honorable mention lol)

7. what’s something that we haven’t seen in the show yet that you’d like to see?

i clearly wanna see some resolution or 'get together' scene ONSCREEN (cuz i have argued previously that they HAVE already banged offscreen in Dennis Gets Divorced) but I'd like to see, at the very least, going from writing Macdennis as subtext to making that the overt text. Which, in their defense, they've started doing since s12 ... but I just hope they execute the culmination of the storyline they started in s12/s13 in a way that.. does not suck ass. and i'm usually willing to give rcg a lot of leeway about this particular thing cuz like. theyre str8 they dont know any better LOL. but yeah i wanna see mac and dennis kiss, fuck, date, idc! something!

other things i'd like to see: i'd like to see charlie getting some cathartic 'snapping' arc where he goes back into the badroom and in the vents and the gang cant get him out cuz hes rlly emotional (like as a result of his dad dying or smth) and he basically just snaps, Phantom of the Opera style but he'd be like the Phantom of Paddy's... and maybe this is all while Dee's trying to host an event of whatever kind and so hes just lurking around the whole time trying to sabotage the event... maybe he kidnaps someone LOL thatd be ccool

i also would LOVE to see waitress becoming a more recurring character, esp to team up with Dee. I'd ideally like to see them move IN together n be a duo, but I'll take what I can get. I also just wanna see Dee going crazy. I kinda want Dennis and Dee to have a swap where DEE is the angry, spiteful one and Dennis is just sad and pathetic at his lowest yknow? LOL. Like I think they could easily do this as well, and it seemed to me like they experimented with that kind of dynamic in Gets New Wheels. and lastly, PUT DEE IN THE DUSTER!!!!

i'd like to see more of Mac's ACTUAL life... cuz he has been TALKING about doing all this shit the past couple seasons but we dont get to see what he's ACTUALLY getting up to. So sorta a Mac's Double Life ep but done much better LOL. I just want some character exploration with Mac cuz they seem to be struggling with what to do with Mac since he came out. And I know part of that also has to do with Rob wanting to have a gay man in the writers room but (so far, as far as I know) not being able to get any lol.

I'd also like to see some shit about whatever is going on with Frank that we found out he has a serious, terminal disease in s11... but ik a lot of ppl have said that before me, and for good reason its like.. wtf is going on there LOL

10. who’s your least favorite character?

shit... good question.... yknow i'll just use this as an opportunity to say i hate the way they wrote fat mac. it just felt like they squandered his potential. the way they executed the joke itself was just reeking of rcg's own body image issues which makes it just uncomfortable/not funny if you dont ALSO have rcg's body issues LOL. like i think if they'd done a slower progression over time where the characters just Look Their Age as they age would be a good subversion and probably not too difficult to maintain LMAO. and if Rob wanted Mac's part in that to be gaining some weight for a season/a couple seasons that could've been subversive in itself and done well. But I think bc they made it a seasonal gimmick it suffered for that. So I'm not really answering the question i Know but KJDFGNKDJ tbh i loooove the cast of characters we've become familiar with I think they're all great

[tigerdrop]

I feel the same. I rewatch an episode or the series and I go "hm I wonder what kinda good stuff I can find" and I when I look in the tags I find wholly different characters, with no bite or claws and only the faintest whiff of snark from, like fuckin Bubby only. And that's all. And I wonder if I slipped into a new dimension bc the series I watched had such wholly different characters than the soft, pillow versions you get. I get wanting soft moments but I think they forgot these men swear and shoot each other so regularly that these guys are covered in blood more than they're not. And removing that entirely defeats the purpose of liking these bastards in particular.

yeah like thats basically 50% of the reason i dont check tags or engage with the fandom lol. most of the ppl left in it like these fanon characters more than the actual ones in the series, which is, like, fine? in theory? i just wish that more ppl were still around who actually liked the characters from the thing that i like. so that i feel less like a one-man fandom

its fun that everybody is mean and stupid in hlvrai proper and any time i see whats going on Out There i feel like. like what if ppl did this to always sunny. what if they made it so that charlie is a precious cinnamon roll with a son that he loves and raises with frank who is his supportive co-parent, instead of a stalker with brain damage from huffing paint. and dennis and mac were just a quirky gay couple who love wearing hawaiian shirts. and dee is a golden retriever

as much as i try not to care about this fandom anymore i still kind of do......which is perhaps the most cringe thing of all. o well the heart wants what the heart wants etc

[sunnykeysmash]

(ignore my main url my side-blog is gayasslovestory) BUT any particular thoughts on the conversation about identity and what dee’s line in that clip 👀

Well I don't have transcripts at hand yet so I don't know exactly what was said, but that whole scene felt very on the nose, Mac and Dennis frame Dee as she says that thing about falling in love and shutting up, she even looks at Dennis, and Dennis only starts lashing out about identity the moment Mac starts talking about being gay and going to bang dudes etc, but I'm sure any talk about identity is very irritating to him, as the person who has to constantly make up fake personas in order to keep up the lies he tells about himself. Notice he was very angry about "liars" as well, which to me is clear projection on his part.

For Dennis, it doesn't matter what you actually do, identity is what you convince yourself you are, even when actions and feelings don't match that. That reflects Jumper in a way, "feelings just get in the way" and all, but I think he's very conflicted about it, as well, because if tends bar is any indication, what he wants more than anything else in the entire world is to be known, for people to understand him ("because I know you, man"!). It's a very recurring thing that the gang misinterprets him, think making dennis reynolds a murderer, or speaks wrongly on his behalf, think tends bar and also the mongrel scene as the recent example, and he's kinda stuck in that. And it's also not the first time rcg uses something like covid to symbolize feelings, in chop, frank's distress is presented with belching (*sighs* oh, my peepee poopoo show, back at it again).

So for Dennis, I think, it doesn't matter what you actually do, because identity is how you're perceived as, so might as well play into that and be the best version of it you can manage, to him it's just as much a mask as wearing someone else's skin. And it's scary to step out of that, who even is Dennis?

And also, if mac is so obsessed about "what things are" and dennis "doesn't care for labels", there would be a conflict there if they got together, over how to define what's between them.

Anyway, I think it's a really good sign that they're tackling Dennis' identity in the first place, it was a long time coming! If dennis actually gets over his denial then that's a great thing for us in terms of macdennis.

As for what I meant by "menopause era" for Dennis, since I think that fits into this and I wanna talk about it also,

So irrationality, hot flashes (or fever), mood swings, paranoia. It checks out imo.

And now that Mac is hanging with Gus, who knows. But yeah, just wanted to bring that up. Anyway I don't really have many thoughts about it because I don't have the transcripts of the new episodes yet and I really need to read the dialogue. I will get back to you on this once I do.

[bastardcatthings]

No, you know what? it's not funny (Rant)

Watching "Mac and Dennis buy a timeshare" and "being Frank" back-to-back just insanely unsettles me in regards to Dennis (and the rest of the gang's) treatment of Mac. Like, it's no secret that the gang (and specially Dennis) have started treating Mac like shit for no absolute reason (cuz he’s annoying? please, you guys SAY that more than you actually show it to us. Mac is not any more annoying than he was before. If anything, he is less annoying now that the whole bossy thing/” gay people bad” phase of his has fizzled out...) but to actually see it play out within the span of 40 minutes is just too much. And they're not even that far apart! They're only 2 seasons apart; that's only 20 episodes! Like, not even a full season in comparison to longer sitcoms! And yet such a blatant 180° shift in the characterization and for what?! It's not even funny! Not even the fucking dudebros on reddit think that Mac being excessively submissive to Dennis and just overall pathetic is funny! Like how fucked up is the situation that not even redditors are trying to laugh at him cuz obviously a man being in love with his best friend is the funniest goddamn thing in the world (they said, sarcastically, trying to not go on a rant about people who actually act like Dennis is a successful womanizer or that mac was “ruined” by coming out or keep making bird jokes about Kaitlin and God I’m getting angry again)

Shipping be damned (since most times this problem get addressed, it's in regards to macdennis) this affects the platonic friendships (the whole group dynamic) in the show SO MUCH as well. Look, sunny is not a cuddly show, nor is it a feel good one in any(conventional) ways, but it always has had a heartwarming element in the relationships that the members of the gang have with each other. While not healthy or wholesome 99% of the times, there is something almost endearing about the games that Charlie and frank play at night times. about Dennis and Dee having similar quirks that remind you, yeah! they're twins! About Charlie and Dennis sharing one (1) single brain cell, dee and Dennis still referring to frank as their dad when he's not around, Mac and Dee being unhinged together, the boys giving the first bite of the steaks to Dee and toasting to her when she tied the waiters shoe laces. Something about Mac and Charlie throwing rocks at trains just like they used to do when they were kids and of course, the holy grail of relationships on sunny (and damn me for getting back to them because I wanted to talk about mac and Charlie, AND I WILL IN A MINUTE) Mac and Dennis. doing, well, anything. No matter what they did they were always on each other’s team. Recession? boom. everybody fired but us. Mortgage crisis? Boom. We're playing realtor husbands. Dee got scammed? well we won't be baby, let's go get ourselves a new set of golf clubs. No matter what happened in the show, they were by each other’s side- literally, these guys are constantly sitting/standing/walking next to each other- so much so that you don't even notice how weird it is that they get on so great. Hell, THEY don't even notice until Dee points it out to them in mac and Dennis breakup! On the gang misses the boat, Charlie and Dee themselves said the reason they never did anything that they wanted was because MAC AND DENNIS would judge them!!! They are the DEFINITION of a package deal. And look where we are now.... anyways also gotta talk about Charlie and mac, y'know, the guys who PRACTICALLY GREW UP TOGETHER?? Remember the time when Dennis was actually jealous that Charlie considered Mac his best friend? And he was so ADAMANT about it and only started to waver after he suspected Mac might be sleeping with the waitress? The guy who told Mac: those others guys didn't get us man but I feel like you just get me we just click (kinda paraphrasing but this was the gist) THAT GUY turned into this sarcastic a-hole that just dismissively says: He's fat, he's skinny, he's muscular, it’s really a cry for help and attention......REALLY?!?!?!?and it's not even that Charlie is actually an asshole in season 13, his character is pretty much the same expect towards Mac. Because the writers needed everyone to hate mac sooo much, they forgot their characters whole backstory and relationships. Nice. Real nice guys. Speaking of the writers needing everyone to hate mac,

WHY IS MAC FILLING THE ROLE THAT DEE ALREADY HAS?!?

See, I don't enjoy seeing Dee belittled or mocked by the guys, except that I do. Kaitlin Olson really struck gold with Dee's character. She brings this air of empty confidence and slight narcissism to Dee that makes it SO MUCH EASIER to hate her. Even if you don't hate her, at least Kaitlin gives you a performance that on the surface makes you believe that Dee really has better things to do and she's not really stuck with the guys ,so that makes you feel safe about the effect this may have on her feelings and you allow yourself to laugh unapologetically to every oldie but goldie bird joke that the boys throw at her, even tho if you actually sit down later and think about it , you realize that yeah she has nothing better to do and nowhere better to be and this is her only friend group and family! but by then you have already laughed at the episode and this is just you thinking about it on overtime so the writers don't care .They achieved the goal of making you exhale from your nose. But with rob McElhanney?? yeesh.... it's just blatantly sad. There is just the surface. There is no deeper layer. There is no overtime and most importantly, there is no laughter because Rob with those big brown puppy dog eyes of his looks so goddamn sad and broken that as a person who genuinely cares about these garbage people, you can't really bring yourself to laugh at him (also points to Kaitlin for being a woman which makes her easier to hate/laugh at her misfortune since media has desensitized the masses to the female characters getting ragged on all the time especially in comedies. yay misogyny!!) I still believe that THE saddest line in iasip was said by Mac on season 13 ep.1, which was "you guys like me, right?" ......... was this really supposed to be funny? I mean shit man, with Rob's face when he said that and the defeated tone he had while saying it.... it's like in the gang broke Dee, even the guys know that when you don't defend yourself, it's just not funny back and forth anymore, it's just sad (also with dee at least they tried to come up with fun insults and jabs, which is way friendlier imo than acting disgusted by mac all the time/not even acknowledging he exists)

This of course is not to say that Rob is not a talented actor, just that it's always been that way. Dee is the punching bag and mac is the bossy guy and even tho they are much more than that, you really shouldn't try to completely swap/break these character molds after a decade. It will just fail to land. And the funny thing is that sunny prides itself on the policy that these characters do not change and grow as time passes and you know what? They've for the most part upheld this little law of theirs. Frank and Charlie and dee only suffered minor flanderization throughout the show (I like to think that the fact they all seem more normal on the first few seasons is just the natural progression of these human beings, in-universe) all the while Dennis and mac make absolutely no sense in the roles they have assumed in the show as of right now (season 14). There was a time where Dennis WILLINGLY let Mac presume the role of the brains of the trio!! Now imagine season-14-the-head-cow's-always-grazing- Dennis agree to that. Can't, can you? And that's not a good sign and that's not in-world progression (or, well, regression I guess) either since it makes no sense how he got from point A to point B. Dee started from setting a girl on fire for stealing her look pre-season one and a decade later she got revenge on her stripper ex-boyfriend by booking him a gig at his daughter’s party. You can see how she got there but how did Dennis go from being deeply invested in an argument about being a power bottom in the middle of a scheme, to visibly scoffing at Mac's suggestion to bring the bit back … I'm at a loss.

And you know what bothers me the most? What prompted me to write this monster of a text out of spite? The fact that I just KNOW that rcg (and Megan or whoever else) don't have ANY plans to take this somewhere. As much as I want to believe it, this is not Mac "gently coaxing Dennis out of the closet through patience" (they've had many opportunities to hint at that and they just didn't, in fact they chose to go the opposite direction and show us Dennis legitimately hates this whole thing coughtimesupforthegangcough) or Mac "shedding his toxic masculinity and bossiness and being more relax and happy" he's NOT happy! In fact, we have been shown (more like seen repeatedly be used as a joke) that Mac is constantly upset with his current situation (*do you think Dennis hates me? * *You guys like me, right? *) and this is not Dennis being angry with mac that he pushed Dennis in the closet but now is out himself (as much as I ADORE ADORE ADORE this take on why he dislikes Mac so much after coming out, please never stop writing about this scenario)

Look *deeeep sigh* I'm tired and I've digressed so damn much from my original point. This was supposed to be a three paragraph long shit post but somehow 4 hours later, we're here because ultimately, I (for whatever reason) care about these horrible people and I genuinely want this show that I love so much, be the best it can be and yeah maybe I care too much about whether or not a misogynistic, gay,40 something year old, FICTIONAL guy who is obsessed with his best friend and has a sticky bible, gets made fun of by his equally loser friends but hey, that's the sunny way. Getting too pumped about shit that matters too little.

But of course, in the end

REASON WILL PREVAIL.

[a-a-a-anon]

Did you see It’s always sunny is being renewed for 4 more seasons? That would be 18 seasons in total! Are you nervous at all that it won’t be /as/ funny? I kinda am, I just hope no more The Gang Texts episodes (even tho that one wasn’t even that bad)

Hey, thanks for the ask! Yes I saw that and I’m suuuper excited!! 18 seasons! I know where you’re coming from with your concerns but I’m optimistic right now the show will still be able to make me laugh. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think there was a noticeable dip in quality in the latest seasons (13 and 14) but not so much that it turns me off the show. There were still episodes that made me laugh: The Gang Fights Global Warming, Paddy's Has a Jumper, The Gang Gets New Wheels, The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem, etc. Were they the best Sunny episodes IMO? Not really, but that’s a high standard to judge them by and they’re still fantastic compared to a lot of episodes of other comedies I’ve tried. And I laughed at The Gang Texts too, there were weak moments but “Are you pissing on me?”, Eggplaa, and that absurd ending were hilarious to me. Assuming that there will be no production constraints like in s13 and RCG keeps on being the ones writing most of the episodes (assuming they still have fresh ideas) I actually have a small hope that IASIP will go back to season 12 quality (top tier season IMO)? Like they’ll have learned that they need more proper (if that makes sense) character interactions like The Gruesome Twosome, The Dynamic Duo, and Charlie and Dee instead of focusing a lot on Mac’s neediness and Dennis’ rejection of him lol. But maybe that’s too optimistic! We’ll have to wait and see but at the moment I’ll still be tuning in for season 15 since I think IASIP will still have hits. I think they’ll still be some misses in those 4 new seasons but they had misses before (Frank’s Brother way back in s7) while the show on the whole still remained very strong. 

In essence do I think the show will continue to be as funny as classic PEAK Sunny? Probably not (and it hasn’t been for a bit tbh). But do I think it’ll still be 100% worth watching and still be better than most comedies out there? Yeah!

[emberphantom]

Concept: Mac isn’t really in love with Dennis. He’s been faking the entire time as part of a bet/experiment as to whether or not he can make Dennis fall in love with him. As soon as Dennis confesses his feelings, the experiment will end and he’ll be debriefed. (Alternatively, everyone Dennis hasn’t known since school is actually an actor playing characters written by Dee and it’s all a Truman show situation to see how far they can push Dennis.)

I...wow. I totally think either scenario would COMPLETELY break Dennis. Dude is hanging by a very loose thread at all times to begin with but finding out most of everything in his life has been a complete lie? He'd snap. I mean look what happened in Broke Dee. That wasn't even supposed to be a prank on him and it fucked him up. 

Okay and let's talk about the first one because that's super fucked up but I'm kinda living for it? It's definitely a role reversal for Mac and Dennis. Tbh I cannot see current Mac doing something like this but young Mac (s1-5), I'd buy it. 

BUT there’s also no way Mac doesn’t fall in love with Dennis in the process and then feel guilty about the whole thing only to call it off once things get Too Real. 

And whoops my hand slipped and I wrote another mini fic: 

Him and Dee made the bet in high school because they thought it would be funny and Mac is all "Have you seen me? I could make any one fall in love with me." And Dee's all "Prove it." 

Charlie doesn't know the full extent of it because I think he'd probably let it slip to Dennis. 

So because of that, Mac has so be kind of subtle about it around the Gang. He turns it up a few notches when they're alone though. It takes forever. Like years. Because Dennis is stubborn and on a good day, has one (1) feeling.

Dennis graduates college, they get an apartment together. They buy the bar. Dee's wondering what the fuck is taking so long and Mac insists this is all part of his plan. 

The Gay Bar Scheme sets Mac's progress back a bit, and he swears Dee did it on purpose to try to mess everything up. Stupid bitch. 

It takes a while for Mac to get back on track. Dennis and Dee’s dad shows up one day out of the blue and actually sticks around. Mac starts banging Carmen. He sleeps with Dennis and and Dee’s mom which, he really thought would help move things along. It...did not. 

The turning point Mac needs comes in the most insane and unexpected way. They get held hostage by the McPoyle’s in their own goddamn bar. It’s absolutely batshit. 

There’s a real moment there where Mac thinks they’re not going to make it out alive. Mac tells Dennis he loves him, which Dee will argue later is against the rules of the bet, like watching Dennis’s sex tapes. Mac will tell her that there are no rules, that’s strictly for research purposes. He won’t tell her that, in that moment, he’d completely forgotten about the bet. 

Dennis never mentions it. Hell, he barely even acknowledged it when it happened. Mac starts to think God is punishing him for everything. He knows it’s wrong and kind of gay but..it’s a joke. And Mac’s pretty sure God can take a joke. He plans on explaining the whole thing to him when he gets up there anyway. He’s sure they’ll laugh about it. 

But Mac starts to notice something that makes him think God does have a sense of humor after all: Dennis starts touching him. Like. A lot. Like, more than he’s pretty sure he ever has.  

They’ve always been inseparable but now it feels...different. They hang out all the time and when they’re not physically together, they can’t go even an hour without texting one another. 

Mac starts to realize his evil plan is finally working. 

He sits back and let’s Dennis take the lead. Mac’s planted the seed and now he’s got to just wait for the flower to grow. 

He pretends not to notice when Dennis starts inching closer to him on the couch during movie night. He lets Dennis pretend to fall asleep on his shoulder. 

During Charlie’s musical, Mac starts to lay things on a little thicker. He acts like he doesn’t realize how this is all coming off--like it’s all just him playing the character. (The boner he popped on stage is irrelevant. His body was also in character.) 

Mac realizes he wants to kiss Dennis in the middle of a strangers living room in a house they’re trying to flip for a profit. Well--no wait. It’s Dennis who wants to kiss him, obviously. There’s no other explanation for it. You don’t just cup someone’s face like that, call them ‘baby boy’ like that if you don’t want to play tonsil hockey. 

They pretend to be a couple. “Partners in Real Estate and Partners in life.” “He’s my bottom.” Dennis won’t take his hands off him. Mac’s got him right where he wants him. 

That night, Dennis kisses him. 

(It’s about goddamn time.)

Mac doesn’t tell Dee. She doesn’t need to know. Not yet. He wins the bet when the words “I love you,” un-ironically come out of Dennis’s mouth. 

It’s surprising how much doesn’t change between them. Aside from where Mac sleeps, it’s really not that different. He’s just getting laid more and it...it’s fucking great. Mac thinks it’s probably because of all that adrenaline he gets knowing he’s winning the bet. 

Everything’s going great until Dee finally catches on. 

It’s a Tuesday. They just wanted a bowl for popcorn. They didn’t need Dee to stick her giant nose all up in their business. 

“It's funny 'cause I feel like you guys are two codependent losers who are so wrapped up in each other that it's hard for you to see how pathetic your lives are. It's like you're an old married couple.” 

They laugh at it. But, Mac can see the wheels turning in Dennis’s head. 

Dennis takes too long at the video store and that’s when shit hits the fan. Yeah Mac panicked but that’s only because he really REALLY wants to win this bet. And he can’t do that if Dennis is fucking some video store twink. 

They argue. Dennis wants to be left alone. Mac wants to know where this is coming from (he knows but he wants to hear Dennis say it.) 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what Dee said and I do think maybe we are spending a little bit too much time together.” 

Son of a bitch. 

Mac leaves and Dennis let’s him go. On the way to Charlie’s, Mac calls Dee and tells her that’s cheating--she’s not allowed to interfere in the bet. They had a deal. She tells him she can do whatever the fuck she wants then hangs up because something about her stupid cat. Mac stopped listening. 

He’s at Charlie’s for a few hours when Dennis calls. He’s a Dee’s apparently and Mac’s heart sinks. She’s going to fuck everything up beyond repair. There’s no way he’s going to win the bet now...not because he actually really misses Dennis. 

Mac’s resigned himself to the fact it’s over. The bet, his relationship with Dennis. It’s done. Bye. See ya. But then Dee calls him, and she sounds pissed off and stressed the fuck out. She tell him to be at this restaurant at this time for a “date with a beautiful woman with giant breasts”. Well, Mac thinks, at least she knows how to apologize. 

He gets there early and sits down at the table by himself. He’s nervous, which is unlike him. He’s a badass, he never gets nervous. Mac tells himself it’s because he’s meeting a really hot chick, not because he’s not sure if he’s ready for this thing with Dennis to be over. He orders a rum and coke. Then another. Because alcohol solves everything. 

Dennis walks in with Dee and Mac has never been so close to committing murder. What the fuck is she trying to pull? 

Mac doesn’t have time to ask. She leaves in a hurry, muttering something about getting a bird. 

“She looks like a bird.” 

And...fuck. Mac missed Dennis so much. 

They make-up and make-out on the way home. They invite Charlie and Frank over to watch a movie and once the Grusome Twosome leaves and they’re finally alone again. 

It’s dark, it’s late and it’s quiet. Dennis joins Mac on the couch after he’s tossed some beer bottle into recycling. He’s looking at him like he’s seeing Mac for the first time and Mac feels his throat tighten. 

Dennis starts talking, and Mac starts to panic. He thought he’d be able to see this moment coming a mile away but he’s not prepared for this. Dennis is telling him how sorry he is for everything. How he let Dee get into his head. How stupid it was. 

How he realized the reason why he panicked so much was “Because I think I’m in l-” 

“Dennis.” Mac cuts him off as everything comes crashing down on him all at once.  His heart’s pounding in his chest, ready to burst through his chest at any moment. 

He should’ve called this off when he had the chance. Dee definitely gave him a few outs over the years but he said No. When he made that stupid bet all those years ago, so young and so high, he never thought it would end up like this. 

Mac didn’t think he’d be the one to end up falling in love with his best friend. 

But, if he let’s Dennis say it, then what? They become a real couple? They tell the Gang so Dee can lay everything all out on the table. Tell Dennis that everything was just a big joke--even though it stopped being one for Mac longer than he cared to admit. Mac could deny his part in the whole thing, but Dennis would believe him. 

So Mac has to let him off the hook now, by crushing his best friend’s heart into dust. 

“I think Dee was right,” Mac says finally. He can’t even look Dennis in the eye.  “I can’t--I don’t think we should do this anymore...” 

To drive the final nail into the coffin, he adds, “Plus, y’know I’m not even gay.” 

Dennis doesn’t say anything for a long time. Mac shrugs and tells him “Sorry.” Then he gets up and goes to his room, shutting the door behind him. 

He calls Dee to tell him the bet’s off. To his surprise, she let’s him off the hook. Tells him it was about time he admitted defeat after all these years. Mac calls her a bird and hangs up. That night he goes to sleep alone. 

The next day at the bar, Dennis unveils the D.E.N.N.I.S. System. It’s a low blow, but Mac deserves it. 

They don’t check in much anymore. On movie night, the stick to their corners of the couch. Dennis marries Maureen Ponderosa and Mac thinks that means he’s off the hook. 

Until they’re wasted and dancing and giggling back in their apartment and it feels like old times except Dennis’s wife is there. And he turns but then says to Mac, “I don’t love you Maureen. I...I never loved you.” 

And Mac thanks God he called off the bet. 

[moist-astronaut]

things my friends and I have said over the last year

“I’m verbally illiterate” “Isn’t that called dyslexia”

“I’m going to chemistry and I’m gonna light myself on fire” “No” “Damnit let me burn like the witch I am!”

“Don’t worry it’s not anti-Christ it’s just anti-government”

“I’ve been getting migraines everyday and I’m considering chopping my head off” “But that would kill you” “Two birds one stone!!”

“I swear to god I will hug you” “My house is 5 miles away and my doors are locked” “Your locks are FEABLE”

*writing an email* “Bitch comma”

“Ok but I could be a top” *laughing* “What I totally could be!” *laughing and crying for literally 6 minutes straight*

*on a group call, friends cat misha walks into the room* “Tell misha I would live and die for her, whichever she prefers” “She says thank you” *cat noises*

*joins discord vioce chat at 11:26 pm* “You guys are gae but I love you” “Thank you saeren very cool” “Goodnight” *leaves chat at 11:28pm*

“Jake jake jake jjjake -j-jaaake hey jake” “W H A T” “Can I eat your pens” “I literally have a restraining order against you”

“I’m educatn’t”

“Me calling you to dumb to be a slytherin is payback for you leaving multiple handprint bruises on my legs” “It’s not my fault your skin is weak”

“He’s rolling so that we can walk” *rolling in the grass and collecting leaves on his jacket* “I’m rolling for your sins”

“There are 7 of us so we can each be a deadly sin” “I wanna be Ross” “You mean wrath?” “No that dude from Friends”

“Ok but other than his strict attraction to women, his multiple wives, his hatred of gay people, and the fact that he is dead, what is standing between me and Joseph Smith the All American Hottie from being happy together”

“Consider: Mullet” “No”

“I do my homework while loudly eating a pop tart asmr”

“No no listen, he’s my brother, he’s a bastard of my dynasty…I might just ransom him off”

“These Norwegian bastards indroduced a fucking PLUAGE to my COUNTRY”

“Ooooo meth”

“Half of my life is me resisting the urge to sing the zaboomafoo themesong, the other half is me actually singing the zaboomafoo themesong. So either way my entire life revolves around zaboomafoo.”

“I just don’t think I would hire a gay man-wait no I’m not homophobic”

*chucks half a gallon of milk in a gas station* “-ah- got milk?”

“Gimme your sternum boy”

“Nooooooo he stole my sternum!!!” (Side note these were two separate occasions)

*being force fed milk duds* “No!! This is the worst way to die!!”

“Hey babe come over I have a hammock and a heated blanket”

“Be afraid, be prepared- IN THE WORDS OF SCAR”

“Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies Stress eating stress gummies stress eating-”

“I thought to myself ‘Y’know if I die today this is how I want to be remembered- a leather skirt and leg warmers’”

“I think I’m telling you to go to sleep” “You’re gonna have make me” “I can’t tell if this is cry for help or flirting” “Yes”

“This is at best cannibalism and at worst being straight”

“Oh look Percy Jackson’s here now, ooh they replaced every character’s face with Mr. Bean. I hate it”

“You can’t be mean to me! I’m gay AND a woman! That’s a hate crime!” “Yeah well I’m brown and Muslim! Square the fuck up bitch!”

“Babe it’s not very metal to be afraid of your hair dresser” “It’s not very metal to have a hair dresser and yet here we are” “It’s fine you’re into glam metal”

“Hey augie, got any grrrrrrapes?” “I’m doing IXL :(“

“Can I come?” “No” “What if I bring watermelon?” “You can come, leave the watermelon, then leave” “:(“

“What in the jersey shore”

“Rad’nt”

“Ok but consider: Mullet-hawk” “I can and will divorce you”

“Dee-vorce 👏 Just to 👏 re-vorce 👏 👏 “

“Ah yes, that’s why I’m fat…for combat reasons…”

“You fool I consent!”

“My Boston fern is being a bitch but that’s because it’s winter and that’s BITCH season”

“You walk through the rest of the house and it’s like ‘ooo witchy and aesthetic’ then they’ll get to the guest room and it’ll just be a tacky twink Fever dream”

“Who needs a scalp”

“HeHe, sexing”

“Council has decided, your vibes are rancid (and not the band)”

“You’re never to young to hate women”

“Look at me I did the dishes I’m a 1950s housewife with a strangely new jersey accent and affinity for lesbianism”

“Well look who has the table now”

"contrary to popular belief, fuck you"

"There's nothing here that requires whisking, i'm just problematic"

"If you could go anywhere in the world with two people, who would you choose?" “New Orleans!”

"So he proceeded to bite me on the butt...like, really, really hard."

“I don’t cheat, I win. It’s not cheating if it’s consensual.”

“My mouth, my choice”

“Do you like my ombré of a tan"

“Who’s the cutest in the chat right now then?” “It’s Paige!” “No, it’s obviously Augie.” (paige's boyfriend)-said by a straight man

“Francis is just a one and done.”

“Would you ever have a threesome?” “...yes...” *To Francis* “Sure!”

“How do you feel about anal sex?”

“Of the people in this room, who would you most want to make out with?” “Augie” “The answer is yes, but only if it’s 6 feet apart.”

“Square, flat, and overcooked.”

“The virus would be over if everyone would breathe underwater for 5 minutes.”

“I have daddy issues, but not with my father.”

“You’re a ladies man but you have two boyfriends.”

“That means lesbian in sign language” “No, that means fuck boy in American”

“I’m like a parasite, you can’t get rid of me. I’m here forever.”

“You’re like my long term hit man”

“Is it Jake?” “No, why would the evil Russian man be Jake?” “Because he would never hire a gay man and you don’t look like a gay man”

“Jake is homophonic, Augie is racist, and Francis is a woman hater!”

"Grew a korean radish, 1 star"

"I've got more cause i'm a rich boy, and by that i mean my father sometimes buys avocados. And that's on what? Upper middle class"

"Tell your good for nothing boyfriend to stay away from my mom"

"It's not inciting violence it's just ~inspiring it~ "

"Listen bitch just because you have avacados and a roomba doesn't make you better then me"

"i would totally let narthex ruin my life. and that's on what? daddy issues and bisexuality"

"who is titty"

"how is he racist" "he hates the french and russians right?" "don't forget italians" "that's just self loathing"

"This is the last time i wear a thong- it's for educational purposes"

"babe come over i'm a burrito"

"he put bread with milk. luckily he passed away"

"you touched my wiener!" "you offered it!"

"foot'nt"

"i took a shower and realized the floor doesn't bounce"

"i love ass whoooaaaaaa i meant cassie"

"Rosalie you're the deciding vote. Be decisive." "Dude i'm bisexual and a gemini. what're you talking about?"

"Okay so to recap: jake is homophobic, augie is racist, francis is a woman hater, and now paige is a bunny abuser?"

"Just bring a watermelon keychain and it'll be fine" "Whooaaaa i'm gonna need a big key then"

"If you were blind what would you even see"

Post Traumatic Youth, plus D for danny's disorder"

"i think she's past the phase where she likes people just because they're russian"

"francine is a lesbian, but only during quarantine"

"don't be a home wrecker!" "i can't help it!"

"we are not doing coed tents" "i wanted to go purple-ing though"

"if it's not perfect i'm gonna through hands" "with who" "i don't know, the CEO of stupid"

"don't make me feel guilty for bullying you"

"it doesn't look very cash money cool but okay"

"slinky cat" (ferret)

"The pond behind my house didn't freeze all the way through this winter, so i couldn't go ice skating" "okay, so i have an idea. we can go to walmart and get-" "ANTI FREEZE!" "well, yes- wait, no. No, the more i think about that definitely no."

"The amish will win, the amish will prevail" "the amish will conquer us all!"

"He do be kinda mafia doh"

"i'm being sneaky sneak. stairs go creaky creak. and i need. DRUGZ"

"brain on shutdown, power saving mode"

"Somebody go tip her, she's dancing like a stripper" "thatd be nice- oh wait no!"

"fellas, is it gay to lick your homies eyeball?"

"it's not racist if you're only targeting one group of people" "that literally racism" "but what if they're french"

"i'm not racist yet but the option is available, and it's good to have options"

"they don't call me Mr. Steal Yo Boy for nothing!" -a straight man who has a girlfriend

"i think he has a bad habit of not dating girls"

"kinda hot tho 🥵 in a Santa Claus kinda way...hoe hoe hoe"

"i'll be your hot jacuzzi bubble dealer"

"when deceit and doubt fills you up, you cleanse your mind through creative activities, such as making organic soap"

"friendly reminder #4: you're never to old to eat a freezie-pop"

"sorry i'm just nervous" Chinese Teacher: (Waving her hand in front of her face) “Just pretend I’m cabbage.”

"me when my dads name is publicly broadcasted on the radio for his 14 felonies and assorted war crimes"

"<@!523669420435046401> I sentence you to a solid nine by the banhammer. For your crimes against Humanity, God, Satan, and Matt Frank. See you in hell."

"Danny, just because you're playing *Just Cause* doesn't mean you need to Just Cause our friendship!"

"Silly Matt! You fell for the ole’ Heimlich maneuver!”

"i got a bunch of new shirts over quarantine" "you would"

"Ok, there's a 32 year old doctor in new Jersey dying right now" "Yeah, but to be fair everyone in new jersey has a pre-existing condition"

“This is the longest period of time we’ve had without a Nintendo direct” “Maybe they’re gonna make a Nintendo indirect?”

"you’re looking extra white today.” "thanks i've been practicing"

"do you have any batteries" *looks inside shirt* "not yet"

"let's go colonize the middle school!" "yyayayyayayay!!!" " wait I gotta ask my mom first" What happened next is know called the *Juniors burden*

"oh so you're a DOWNSTAIRS milk kinda guy"

"you are literally the human embodiment of crumbs in a bed"

"The Berk-ey Creamery isn’t a place, it’s a people!”

 "He shoved a floating joy-con straight up his flux-capacitor.�� "great! now it's paired"

"No, that isnt armor, the real armor are the friends you made along the way"

"This one goes out to all my lady friends out there *proceeds to kill himself in game*

"i'm a coward" "that's what a coward would say!"

"rest is for cowards and fools"

"every time you speak you take years off my life"

"Shark dick hoo ha ha"

"Me and the boys brushing our teeth at 3 AM"

"remember if you kill yourself the fascists win"

"The Beatles aren’t real. Have you ever seen a beatle? No? Exactly." "Babe” "Shut up I’m right."

*reading over these quotes* "god i hate that" "you said that!"

[sapphichalo]

okay artists: one dee, hayley kiyoko, halsey, wallows, olivia o’brien (i went to high school with her), and king princess; albums: golden hour, fine line, folklore, and calm if u listen to 5sos (i cant rmbr fjcjcj); songs: the less i know the better by tame impala, heaven falls/fall on me by surfaces, pink + white by frank ocean, crzy by kehlani, and dang! by mac miller

This is literally gonna take me like 20 min but thank you darling!

One Direction

Favourite song: Top 3 are IICF, Home, and What A Feeling

Least favourite song: Gotta Be You, Na Na Na, Love You Goodbye, according to that sorting thing

Favourite album: MITAM or Four i cant decide

Least favourite album: Up All Night in terms of actually being good, but I think my actual least favourite is Midnight Memories cause UAN is full of bops

Song that got me into them: WMYB babey, ive been around from the start

Seen Live?: Yes Ma’am, the Take Me Home tour in Auckland

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Im gonna put everything else under the break cause this bitch is gonna be long

Hayley Kiyoko

Favourite song: Cliffs Edge currently, its so gooood

Least favourite song: honestly dont listen to alllll of her stuff so i dont have one

Favourite album: Expectations

Least Favourite album: I also havent listened to Im too sensitive for this shit yet, so thats on the to do list

Song that got me into them?: uhhhh I think it was girls like girls

Seen live?: Sadly no :((

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Halsey (I like her stuff but i dont know much of it yet)

Favourite song: Finally // Beautiful Stranger or You Should Be Sad

Least favourite song: I dont really have one!

Favourite album: Maniac I think

Least favourite album: dont have one

Song that got me into them: New Americana or Colors

Seen Live?: Not yet!

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Wallows 

Hadnt heard of them!

First song youtube took me to: OK

First impression: surprised that dude is in a band, long song intro, like their sound

Do I like it?: Yeah!

Would I listen to them more?: Definitely!!

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Olivia O’Brian 

Hadnt heard of her either but shes hot

First song youtube took me to: Just A Boy

First impression: Hot, Dua Lipa vibes, into it

Do I like it?: very much so

Would I listen to them more? absolutely

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

King Princess (Would die for her)

Favourite song: has to be Talia, but also her Happy Together cover is so fucking good, and also Holy

Least favourite song: dont have oneeee

Favourite album: Cheap Queen

Least favourite album: dont have oneeee again

Song that got me into them: Pussy Is God, such a good song

Seen live?: No, but I deserve to

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Golden Hour (I fuck hard with this album)

Opinion on cover design: Stunning, she looks amazing, couldve had more yellow, 9/10

Favourite song: Slow Burn or Space Cowboy

Least Favourite song: Lonely Weekend, I dont love how it starts which makes it hard for me to listen to 

Underrated track: Happy & Sad

Overrated track: I dont think there is one, theyre all such lovely songs

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Fine Line (I think this might be my all time favourite album)

Opinion on cover design: Love, wish harry was a lil closer, and also I kinda wish it wasnt black around the outside, idk why 8/10

Favourite song: Fine Line, then She, then Golden

Least Favourite: TPWK, Cherry, and Falling, but I love all three of them, thats just how theyve been ranked

Underrated Track: Canyon Moon - hes so happy and it makes me cryyyyy

Overrated Track: I would say Falling, its still so good but the hets really got hold of it 

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Folklore (wasnt planning on listening to it but I did for you)

ok first thots, i like the 1, I also like that shes swearing, thats fun. looks like this album is pretty gay, idk

Opinion on cover design: artsy, simple, into it, 8/10

Favourite song: i have only listened to two so far but im enjoying both of them

Least favourite song: cant say yet, i heard a bit of seven and didnt love it but ill let you know

Cant say for overrated and underrated yet

Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 but this is based off of three songs

CALM (would also die for this album)

Opinion on cover design: Big fan, love the grungy vibes, they all look beautiful, 9/10

Favourite song: No Shame and Lover of Mine

Least favourite song: Best Years

Underrated Track: High

Overrated Track: I think they all deserve the hype

 Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Heaven Falls / Fall on Me - Surfaces (this was a good rec, thanks babe)

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Pink + White - Frank Ocean

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words this song is so fucking good oh mmy god

CRZY - Kehlani

couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

Dang! - Mac Miller

 couldn’t finish it | not my thing | it’s fine | could get into this | ooo i like | oh hell yeah | fuck this is some good shit | there aren’t even words, this transcends words

[ac3has6l00d]

Shit my band director has said

I have been keeping track of a bunch of the funny shit my Band Director has been saying to us since like, halfway though the school year-last year. Here is what I have so far. If it is in reference to a person, I will put their instrument and if It's a song I'll put the song (if I remember it). He is referred to as Barr (an ironic last name). Also don't clock me for spelling I'm not meant to have my phone out during band and yet here we are.

-Highlighter of a thousand suns

-YESSS, Cole (a french horn player) no, BUT YESSSSS

-Dee dee, I'm part of a drum set

-He dead, but a surprise ending

-Haha, I am the sailor, you fell in love with

-Santas Depressed (Minor Alterations)

-Though the woodwinds I heard the buuuRR

-It's the best of all possible worlds, and then they get invaded (Candid Suit)

-harcan back to the yesterday of your, when we had counting issues

-horns, a little more, yes, I am sure

-let it ring

-no, no *disgusted face* no

-do it again!

-can I hit you with some scary knowledge

-this is good enough, thanks, this is never wrong (talking about Dr. Beat)

-the raseing of the prevorial oooohs

-goodjob Joel (a trumpet player), you rythemmaster you

-i can say this because I am one and I'm raising a girl, but boys are weird

-Alright, Angelic fruity boy (in reference to a trumpet player)

-Horns... the heroes instrument

-i actually didn't hear you at all

-did they take your triangle?

-Right notes are also important

- Teacups? It's a small world? *Ian (a french horn player)- Mt. Everest* You got sasquatch on the brain?

-morse code people

-a shade under the tempo

-woofie woofie woofie all the way around

-That isn't our Forté in the horn section to play lightly (He played french horn)

-can I get a rallintado amen

-tess (flut/piccolo player), Jordan (percussionist) - Jordan tess, Piccolo tambourine, - tambourine Piccolo

- we have plenty loud in this piece, enjoy the soft

-thats when they get invaded (Candid Suit)

-thanks trumpets... yah yeah yeahh

-flute hanger-oner

-Bold, Underlined, and in all caps

-music land

- *impersonates Kristin chenoweth* (Candid Suit)

- coming in from the basement

-were you trying to roast me? i will defend myself

-all a Twitter about arby's or something I dunno

-that was also a bold, all caps email

-unicon has a limp

-where have you been all my tambourine life

-can we agree on right notes then?

-melody melody melody, finnaly finnaly finnaly (trombones getting the melody)

-slip the surely bonds of earth

-ah please, decapitate all the invaders

-good for you... breaking norms

-christmas arrived early for you but not for anybody else

-ill write you an invitation next time

- but shut up

-stare out the window

-you may be alright young man

-seniors is theirs enough of an amen? (Chosing to Play Angel's in the Arcatectur by Frank ticheli)

-if I see that guy in a dark allyway...  I'll play him a recording of Angel's in the arcatectur (To they Guy that gave us a bad score on our MPA)

-whah whah what is like a bad joke on the trombone

-gone fishing be back in a hour 

-im just music roasting you

-i dont like this key HAAAAAAHHHH

-empty that spit

- everyone is still standing, so that's good

- im monolouging, you get that input later

- that's a really anticlimactic chord trumpets

-three f's. And your all thinking rainbows and unicorns

-Joels (a trumpet player) paying attention

- twirling the wherlys (tubes at the beginning and end of AitA)

-i dont mess with my post-its

-dropped mute isn't apart of my score

-i wanna see fire coming from your nostrils... like GOT IT

- it's muddy but we're getting there

-alive and well

-i would expect guys from he middle school band .... that's the only roast I have

-rob (a percussionist), we need to do spinning practice

-the devils intervals

-we can end on an amen

-it's like a great dane with crippling anxiety, its scared of everything. So what do you do, you put it on a treadmill and start popping balloons around it... this is training

-if I cant trust you then give it back to me.

-it's about me not you, me not you.

-for trombones, not toilets

-im going to let the trombones use their new toys (some trombones got plunger mutes (I was not one if them, Bass trombone life, bro))

-like... poof

-the devil in band

- satan himself... in the form of your phone

-welcome to band

-it's kinda hard, if you havent noticed.

-please hold for your next representative

- you are playing the elevator muzak version

-some of you are counting... and some of you play the alto. Sax (actual shade ngl)

-the best bond song from one of the stupidest bond movie (this nerd had us playing James Bond music at the end of the school year)

-jordan, finally, a use for your whistling.

-the first thing ella (his daughter) said to me, was flower

-impeckable german

-im going to save you all from this and mute it

- for those of you unitallans

- they chuck 'em

- bread and butter band keys

-there is no humor in marching band

- the fads you kids are into these days.

- our boiiis

- instrament of mass destruction

-ahoy mates

-is there a pre malone

-the newest version of mac... high Ciara (a chick in my Music Production Class)

-your in your pre stages

-thats a great beat son

-were on a bus my child

-if you don't music speak

-where is the beat, I am trying to adjust accordingly

-Ich Bin confused

- if you use the word angelic I will come back there (One of the Horns said it as a joke)

-it's like the piccolo of the percussion section

-mr. Barr is now in his office

-boys, why and no

-why are you whistling Hawaii 5.0?

- yeah, I need a highhat to subdivide too

-we got new old bessy back there (about the new bass drum frame since the old frame broke during the MB season)

-oh I've used dumpsterfire, I've seen quite a few in my day

-dumpsterfire? (I used it and he picked up on it)

-you went even alive, why am I telling you?

-do I sound hip?

-thats the right answer

-if I don't do that to yours, it doesn't mean you are not a great person

-you found 8th position (I'm pretty sure this was him talking to me about bass trombone stuff)

-i see what I did there

- don't get old, you wake up and then you can't feel your leg.

-the sparks were there but it's not raging yet

-long live the king

-i will brb

-thats annoying

-its quitten time y'all

-Barb Peterson (Our lovely Colour Gaurd instucter) Hotline

- please escort this out, I hate it

- is Seth's (Clarinet and Pit) head one of those two way mirrors?

-that's incredable seth

-should I not make spinal tap references?

-nevermind a reference I will put away for this class.

-i now live in fear of that.

-this is bumpen

-im having some real memory issues.

-death star trench run

-think the towel, be the towel

-dont poke the barr

-my wife watches garbage tv when I'm not there

-the most dramatic little people show

-soundtrack, moving on

-twiggles (there is a teacher with the last name of Twig)

-saf to say

-i like you, but not that much

-im going to give you the confused dog look

-this is not open roast time

-zing

-i love how it creeped into your subconscious

-nooooohhoo

-what a quick roast of me annie (a very, very, very good clarinetist)

-it's like the end of the commercial where they add all the legal stuff.

- the flex tape tape

-am I going to have to sound really aloof and do commercials

-i love how you are all responsive

-let me finish!

-don't juule

-i have my box o' toys (MTP we were recording sounds for a project so he pulled out a bunch of percussion stuff)

- if i squint I can hear the right thing

-I feel like hot garbage

-if only we lived in the information age

-were hitting the gym annie... I don't know what that means

-the gong is in the room

-i blew up the death star

-25% of people who conduct this come down with this crazy illness

-your like the studio aduiance for like QVC, "what do you do?" "SCRATCH IT OUT!"

-i dont understand your generation

-youve poisoned me. I hope you are happy

-weight not wait

-oh wow

-shut up

-you just lead your sled into a ditch (Midnight sleighride)

-i love his vocal signature, like "I did this song and I'm jason derulo"

-the power of pan

-wait, what's tic-toc

-shut it

-its like a hippo with Ballarina shoes on

-it's thick with a whole bunch of K

-im trying to throw him a gong bone

-Trombasusaphoneabone

Yeah I have no clue if he knows he is saying that stuff

[theentiregdtime]

mac buys a motorcycle.

PHILADELPHIA, PA 11:15 ON A MONDAY

"Come on, it's badass, dude! I thought you'd be excited! It's like I'm Ghost Rider and you're- Wait, no, it's like I'm Michael Carrington and you're Stephanie Zinoni!"

"... I'm Stephanie Zinoni."

"Yeah, man, but not like, because of the romance and stuff, because of the motorcycle!"

"That's not even the original, Mac, why is that your first thought-"

"Because I am no ordinary boy, Dennis. I am now a rider... that's cool."

Dennis pinches the bridge of his nose.

Mac assumes it must be because of the mid-morning sun or a hangover or a migraine, not that he's annoyed- because there's no way he could possibly be annoyed with this. It's basically the best thing that's ever happened to them.

One Mac Mcdonald is now the proud owner of an actual, working, not-stolen, bought-with-real-life-money motorcycle. Sure, it's a little... antique and... rustic... and some of those other words people on fixer-upper shows use to describe garbage. But it was cheap and it runs and Mac kinda sorta mostly knows how to ride it- and that's enough for him.

"This is why we never have money for the goddamn groceries, Mac-"

"Dennis, Dennis..." Mac holds out his palms like he's trying to steady a spooked horse, "I didn't take it out of our account."

"Then how- You know what?" Dennis flits a dismissive hand through the air. "I don't care, I don't want to know."

This isn't exactly playing out how Mac had pictured it in his head. He'd tossed in bed for hours last night fantasizing about rolling up on his bike, leaving a trail of gravel and skid marks in his dust. Then Dennis sees him and his jaw drops just before his mouth curves into that big, disbelieving smile, and he thinks Mac's just as cool as Country Mac was (God rest his soul) and he hops on and they speed off and Dee and Frank and Charlie are so jealous and-

It's not going like that at all.

But he could fix this!

Mac curves his eyebrows up into a knot and pouts his lips, staring Dennis down without so much as blinking. Dude could act frustrated all he wanted, but he never said no the puppy dog eyes.

Dennis folds his arms across his chest, lowers his shoulders, and visibly softens. This is working...

"So you want me to ride it with you?" he asks quietly and matter-of-factly, all of the sting gone from his voice.

"Uh-huh."

"And you expect me to sit on the... the bitch seat of this Mad-Maxian death trap?"

"Oh," Mac chirps. "Well, if you're scared, then you don't have to-"

"I am not-!" Dennis steels himself, glaring at the triumphant grin on Mac's lips. His tone is calm when he speaks again. "I am not scared. That's absurd. I am a very impetuous man when I want to be."

Mac simply shrugs. He has no idea what that means, but it sounds like a yes, so he'll take it.

"Then prove it," he teases, turning back to the motorcycle.

Mac knocks the kickstand off the ground with his boot and throws his leg over the seat. He grips the handlebars, just clenching them in his hands, squeezing until his knuckles turn white. Taking a deep, full breath, he revels in this moment. Sure, he was already badass before, but on this thing, he's like fucking Maverick in Top Gun. It's an incredible feeling-

Until Dennis' damn reptilian monster claws dig into his shoulder blades.

"You're supposed to put your arms around me, dude," -Mac clicks his tongue in chastising disapproval- "so you don't fall off and get, like, shredded."

"I am not a goddamn wedge of parmesan cheese, Mac, I will not be shredded by anything," -he slackens his already loose grip- "and it's humiliating enough I have to sit behind you like I'm an aging Harrison Ford, I'm not going to wrap my arms around you."

Mac sighs through his nose in quiet annoyance, like he's dealing with a bratty child (because he essentially is), and revs the engine just once. "Fine, but I'm not paying your hospital bills when you get, and I repeat, shredded."

"I'm skeptical that you could."

Eh, that's fair. He'll let him have that one.

"And aren't you going to put on a helmet?" Dennis keeps rambling. "You do remember how this ended for your cousin, right? And he was certainly better at this than you."

Mac suppresses a grumble in his throat.

"Oh, sure, Dennis," he scoffs, "and while I'm at it, why don't I just slap a sticker on my head that says pussy?"

There are- finally- no more protests after that.

Good.

The motorcycle gets going with a bit of a struggle, sputtering like a kinked hose, but once it's off, it's off. The streets are uncharacteristically empty, giving the bike a lot of room to swerve and move around- not that Mac needs to, he knows how to work it! After a couple of twists and turns through Philly, once he really gets a feel for the thing, Mac starts gunning it and blatantly disobeying all posted road signs. He's not sure how far over the limit he's going, but it's hard not to speed when there's no one on the road. The few cars he does pass, he weaves in and out of and drifts around, earning himself a few frustrated honks in the process. They're just jealous of how cool he looks with his boy-

His boy. His guy. His dude. Bro. Buddy. Den. Dennis. Dennis Reynolds. His friend.

"You're going to get me killed, you know!" Dennis, think of the devil, shouts over the sickly cough of the struggling engine.

Mac can't figure out why the hell Dennis is so stressed out. It's not as if they're going to take a wrong turn and careen off the edge of the Grand Canyon, they're in fucking Philadelphia. Worst case scenario, they'll ram into some bozo's car, tip over, and walk away with a couple of scrapes and road rashes.

Not that that's going to happen.

He's definitely holding on now, though. Each time they pick up a little speed or take a sudden corner, Dennis curls against his back like an agitated cat, hands clutching fistfuls of Mac's tee shirt and grinding into his sides. Den is all knobby bones and sharp knees and jagged edges, but Mac doesn't mind- he's gotten used to it over the course of... basically their entire lives. He's never minded. Not in high school when they crashed together under the bleachers, not during movie nights at their apartment, not getting brownout drunk in the same side of a booth at the bar, and definitely not now. He figures some people would probably find being prodded in the backside like this unpleasant, but it's just... just Dennis. It's familiar.

"It's not- not that I'm scared or anything! I just think everyone would be a lot happier if you slowed down a little!"

"I don't know, that sounds pretty scared to me, man!" Mac yells back as sharp fingernails burrow into his ribcage. He likes the way it feels, like God himself cracking the rib of Adam in his hands to set the world in motion.

"It's not about that, it's about obeying the goddamn traffic laws so you don't end up with a ticket that I have to pay out of our- my bank account!"

Mac pretends not to hear him. Maybe if Dennis would just shut up and enjoy the wind in his hair, he wouldn't be so testy. He can't figure out what the big deal is. Dennis hadn't been upset last night. He was sober (not totally sober, that would be dangerous, but mostly), took a long shower before bed, did his nightly skincare routine, sat across the sofa from Mac while they watched Food Network, complained about every single dish even though he himself almost never cooked or ate, fell asleep with his head flush against a throw pillow and his balmed lips slightly parted as he breathed softly-

Stoplight! They're at a stoplight!

Mac hits the brake hard to avoid rear-ending the car in front of him, which sends him lurching forward. As he sways, two ridgid hands clamp onto either side of his head and a sharp, anxious breath is drawn behind him.

What...?

He glances back at Dennis over his shoulder, brow tense with confusion. Before he can ask him what's up, he's struck by the gentle look of concern on his face, by the teeth rolling over his lip as he tentatively lowers his hands back down, by the way all of his edges go soft...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

"Oh my God, Den, are you worried about me?" Mac slaps a hand on the bike in surprise. "Dennis, that is so sweet, dude!"

"Well..." Dennis swallows a lump, avoiding direct eye contact. His hands are pulled back now, resting on his own thighs instead of around Mac. "If you die, we both die, so... I simply have my best interest in mind."

A long moment passes between them, neither moving back into position or saying anything more. Mac watches a bead of sweat roll down Dennis' forehead, watches him lick his chapped lips, watches him like he's the only fucking person in the whole entire world because, to Mac, he-

Some dick is honking at him. Asshole. He could just go around or whatever!

"You want to head back to the bar, man?" Mac asks sympathetically, like he's asking him if he needs medicine for a headache or a warm blanket.

Dennis doesn't answer immediately.

Then the jerk behind them honks again.

"Would you-" Dennis does a one-eighty, then whirls back to Mac. "Yes, I would like to go home and get away from," -he waves a hand in the car's direction- "this rude man who honks!"

And just like that they're back to normal... which is kind of a relief. Totally normal. Just hanging out. That's a good thing.

Mac repositions himself and starts back towards the bar, slower this time, at what he guesses is a reasonable speed. He has no idea, honestly, but he's pretty sure he's supposed to go faster than the cars because the bike is smaller. That makes sense to him.

Dennis' hands are no longer jabbing into him like a couple of Swiss army knives with all of the tools loose. They aren't exactly around him, either, but they're definitely on him. They're trained at either side of his torso, not hesitant in any way, just there. One of Dennis' fingers is drumming against his rib, presumably to some song he's got stuck in his head. His breath is steady on the back of Mac's tousled hair and, every once in a while, at a stop, he adjusts and Dennis' chest and thighs brush up against his back- just for a second.

Mac will never admit that he takes the long way back to the bar.

By the time they return, he figures it must be about half past noon. The middle of the day on a Monday isn't exactly a busy time for them. No one is really drinking (themselves excluded, of course), so hopefully Dee and Charlie won't nag about where they've been and how they haven't worked all morning. Then Dennis would get annoyed and probably never do this again.

They'll probably never do it again, anyways. He is not Michael Carrington and Dennis is not Stephanie Zinoni.

Mac hangs back for a minute after Dennis hops off and heads into the bar, muttering something about how he has to go fix his hair and reminding Mac to pick the bugs out of his teeth- the ones that weren't already there before.

They're back to normal. That's a good thing. It's definitely a good thing.

He drifts off thinking about that scene where Michelle Pfeiffer somehow climbs around onto the front of the motorcycle and flips her hair and blocks the view, but it doesn't matter because the road is empty and they're together and they're in love, and Dennis is kissing him and he doesn't even complain about the metal prodding into his back and bruising his pale skin because he just wants to kiss Mac that badly and-

He's going to have to say some Hail Marys later for that one.

Mac isn't sure how many he has to say to repent for how badly he wants Dennis' hands in his hair again. If he asks a priest, he'll have to confess to it out loud, so he'll just guess. Maybe there aren't enough breaths in him to make up for the things that he feels. Maybe he'll have to pay in the afterlife instead.

The bike is still worth every Hail Mary, and every penny.

[mikumutual]

answers aa themed questions nobody asked because i’m cool and sexy

also i havent played the 5th or 6th games so

YOUR FAVOURITE…? 1. Favourite Ace Attorney game? honestly? phoenix wright ace attorney! everything’s fresh, there aren’t many weak characters, and the plot is remarkable (especially the fifth case). the whole trilogy is really good as one unit though 2. Favourite case? 1-4, 1-5, 2-4, and 3-5 are tied lol, i can’t make a decision to save my life. 2-1 is really really funny tho 3. Favourite defendant? as a defendant, lana skye. as a person, edgeworth 4. Favourite prosecutor? as a prosecutor, franziska von karma. as a person, edgeworth 5. Favourite ship? wrightworth obviously... ive probably put more thought into them over the last 3 years than any other ship 6. Favourite victim? probably mia fey or gregory edgeworth... but for non-relevant victims, neil marshall :( 7. Favourite murderer? shelly de killer, i LOVE that guy. but dee vasquez was very cool as well 8. Favourite assistant? maya fey!!!!!!!!!! but i like kay faraday a lot too (im so sorry ema) 9. Favourite witness? adrian andrews... or maybe iris? i mean i didn’t like iris but god what a person 10. Favourite quote? “It doesn't matter how many underhanded tricks a person uses... The truth will always find a way to make itself known. The only thing we can do is to fight with the knowledge we hold and everything we have. Erasing the paradoxes one by one... It's never easy... We claw and scratch for every inch. But we will always eventually reach that one single truth. This I promise you.” - Miles Edgeworth i made this one of my senior quotes :]

YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE…? 11. Least favourite Ace Attorney game? uh fucking apollo justice. literally what the hell was that 12. Least favourite case? turnabout visitor wasn’t very strong? i guess it’s fine as an intro, but it’s also wonky with the timeline of aai 13. Least favourite defendant? max galactica. he’s better in the anime though 14. Least favourite prosecutor? manfred von karma, obviously. i like every other prosecutor (who i know of) though, even winston payne is pretty funny in hindsight 15. Least favourite ship? “miles edgeworth/female oc”. there are a lot of bad ships though, mostly involving phoenix & his assistants. dont do that please 16. Least favourite victim? zak gramarye for kickstarting that shitty, shitty game 17. Least favourite murderer? again mvk... but also fucking frank sahwit LMAO 18. Least favourite assistant? i guess trucy 19. Least favourite witness? fuck everyone from turnabout big top unless it was the anime episode 20. Least favourite memory of Ace Attorney? repeatedly trying and failing to download the emulator for aai2 hbjsjhdb i eventually got it but someone had to send me the download fully pre-patched and i felt kinda useless DO YOU PREFER…? 21. Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice? phoenix wright. fuck that “GOTCHA!” mechanic jesus christ 22. Maya Fey or Trucy Wright? maya fey. nothing personal against trucy but i just dont like aj hbjsdjhsdb also maya is really sweet and fun and she has the best sprites. she seems like she’d be a good friend, it’s too bad that she doesn’t have the time for them as a spirit medium and all :( if maya ema and kay got to hang out together itd be wild 23. Investigations or trials? trials are easier in my opinion because investigations have several things you could be doing without such a linear style, so if you miss something, you won’t really know until you wander around forever 24. College Phoenix or Hobo Phoenix? college feenie!!!!! he’s like trilogy feenie but more emotional and less witty. i like to pretend that hobo phoenix doesnt exist 25. Klavier Gavin or Kristoph Gavin? who would say kristoph 26. Ace Attorney or Ace Attorney Investigations? ace attorney but only because phoenix is in it lmao. im actually rewatching a playthrough of aai now, and playing aai2 at the same time, so while it is on the mind, i feel like the cases characters and mechanics - while loved - don’t hold up to the OGs 27. Apollo’s perceive, Phoenix’s magatama, or Athena’s Mood Matrix? i actually kinda like the mood matrix more than anything because it has a really good UI and the magatama is kinda grating. but FUCK the gotcha mechanic it is SO FUCKING STUPID and IMPOSSIBLE TO USE.  where is logic chess 28. Ace Attorney trilogy or Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies? you already know my answer to this one 29. 3D models or sprites? i do like the 3d models a lot but i like the original sprites more! imo original pixel sprites > 3D models > HD sprites. mostly bc the hd sprites are garbage (see here, here, and here) 30. Ema Skye as she is in Rise from the Ashes or Ema Skye as she is in Apollo Justice? rfta !!!!!! shes actually really nice as an assistant, esp considering the fact that we actually see her interact with her sister, which is something maya didn’t have very often. also her random appearance in aai was well appreciated by me

MISCELLANEOUS 31. Did you like what they did to Phoenix in Apollo Justice?

NO I AM SO FUCKING MAD WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO HIM ISN’T HE A LAWYER WHY COULD HE NOT JUST DEFEND HIMSELF FROM THE FACT THAT HE “FORGED EVIDENCE” IT WASN’T EVEN HIS IN THE FIRST PLACE SOMEBODY ELSE FORGED IT AND HE DIDN’T KNOW THAT, MANFRED VON KARMA GOT AWAY WITH A FUCKLOAD OF NONSENSE AND SO DOES EVERY OTHER LAWYER SO WHY IS IT THAT PHOENIX CAN SURVIVE EATING A POISONED GLASS NECKLACE AND GETTING HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND FALLING FROM A BURNING BRIDGE INTO A RUSHING RAVINE AND BEING HIT BY A CAR BUT HE CAN’T FUCKING DEFEND HIMSELF LIKE HE DOES IN EVERY OTHER CASE BECAUSE THAT’S THE POINT OF THE GAME AND ALSO HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER

32. Your opinion on Dai Gyakuten Saiban? haven’t played it! it looks pretty cool though

33. Do you think Dai Gyakuten Saiban and/or Miles Edgeworth Investigations 2 will get localised to the West? doubt it, since the creators have said that it won’t be. but the fan translations are pretty good, so i think it’s okay

34. Do you think Miles Edgeworth should get another Investigation-game or do you think another character deserves a spin-off? i mean he already has two, so i guess he doesn’t need another? like i love edgeworth but he’s not as fun without phoenix around. ngl i would play a franziska game. or a maya game, or any spinoff revolving around a side character. hell i’d play hotti game if it meant it took place in the trilogy era

35. Opinion on the soundtrack of the Ace Attorney-franchise? REALLY good. really really good. i love how each game of the trilogy has different composers but each track has the same theme and feel!!!

36. Do you like where the franchise is heading or did you prefer the atmosphere in the original trilogy? seriously absolutely completely prefer the trilogy. i’m sorry but the rush of youth and trust is way, way more enjoyable than whatever “i’m 35 and therefore middle aged” nonsense is happening in the 2020s

37. Capcom suddenly announces that Phoenix will no longer appear in the Ace Attorney franchise! Your reaction? He’s been replaced by Penny Nichols. Fuck you.

38. Capcom suddenly announces that the Ace Attorney franchise has ended for good! Your reaction? it was me i ended it

39. Would you like there to be another Ace Attorney/Professor Layton crossover game? i didnt play it but i really like the idea!!!!!! aa crossover games are really funny to me, i mean have you seen edgeworth in project x zone 2, lmao

40. Would you like an Ace Attorney anime? we have one now! honestly i don’t think it did a very good job of representing the cases, but it did do a good character remix of turnabout big top so that they’re not creepy anymore. they also did a really good job with the anime-specific cases, like the one on the train! it feels a lot better paced when it’s intended for that medium rather than just adapted.  also the childhood episodes made me cry

41. Opinion on anime cutscenes in Ace Attorney? like in 5 and 6? mm, the art style is kinda weird, and i don’t really like the voices, but i guess not everything can be pachinko and prozd

42. Would you want to play an Ace Attorney game where you take on the prosecutor’s role? YEAH ACTUALLY!!!!!! it might be kinda weird being on the right side of the screen though lmao

43. Do you like having DLC in Ace Attorney-games? uhhh i hate having to buy extra things, but i’ll admit that they are pretty funny

44. Opinion on Lamiroir’s storyline? i only played aj so if shes in other games idk but i thought she was fine

45. One thing you think the Ace Attorney games can improve on? stop having creepy characters please. also jesus christ if phoenix and edgeworth arent wearing rings in aa7 i will become the ceo of capcom myself

46. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you like it to be based on an already existing case or would you like an all new storyline? i mean the musical did a pretty good job of adapting existing cases, so it might as well be new. it would be kinda hard to balance the games’ timeline & character development without being repetitive or an au

47. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you prefer it being live-action, 3D animated or 2D animated? stylized 2D animation, probably? i would want it to feel more like into the spiderverse than an anime, though. in my dream ace attorney movie, they’d just need a high art budget, several plausible deniability wrightworth scenes, and prozd to voice edgeworth

48. If there could be an Ace Attorney crossover with whatever franchise you’d like, which one would you choose? (Does not need to be a video-game franchise) your turn to die is probably closest in characterization, although its premise is more “locked in a room” than the open-world investigation of aa

49. Opinion on recurring witnesses? (Wendy Oldbag, Lotta Hart, Larry Butz, etc.) honestly, i like them a lot! i don’t know why people hate them so much - i mean, i know lotta lied, and wendy is a horrible old flirt, and larry just kinda sucks all around. but they’re also pretty funny to have around! larry is a constant comic relief who reminds you how much better nick & edgey are in comparison, lotta is likeable as a general character (like in 2-4, although yeah, not remarkable), and wendy oldbag is really funny. she’s so fucking funny. none of you appreciate wendy oldbag’s quirks and you are SLEEPING ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

50. Do you think Dual Destinies deserved its M-rating? no idea, holy shit, it got an m-rating? i mean every game before it has had blood violence and very mild swearing, and since DD probably doesnt have anything too sexually risqué, i doubt it deserves a rating any harsher than the rest of the series

okay thanks thats all

[trashangel-dee]

CharDee, I. (broken glass)? and Mac E. (signing a document)?

okay, you got 2 for the first one. I feel like they’re a little boring or uneventful, but it’s too late now lol. The first one talks about blood, so proceed with caution if you’re triggered. The second one was a little harder to write than I thought. It probably works better as hcs. or maybe even fanart. 

Mac’s document should, hopefully, be coming soon. Anyway, onward with the stories!

Broken Glass 1-

A loud crash followed by a yelp causes everyone to look up.  

“Nice going, Dee,” Mac remarks, observing broken glass on the floor.  

“With hands like that, how do you drop anything?” Dennis joins in. Mac laughs and they go back to their asinine conversation.  

When she doesn’t fight back, Charlie grows concerned, dropping whatever he’s tinkering with onto the counter and approaching her.

“Oh, shit,” he breathes. Dee’s staring at her hand, as the pool of blood forming in her palm spreads, and begins running down her arm.

She looks up at him, wide-eyed and unsure how to react. “I need a towel,” she says, unmoving.  

Charlie looks around, and grabs one laying on the shelf beneath the bar.  

“No, gross,” Dee tells him. “That’s just gonna get it infected.”

“You just said-,” Charlie argues back. He looks around again, settling on a handful of napkins. “Happy?” He asks, pressing them to the wound, causing her to flinch. It only takes seconds before the white napkins turn red.  

“Shit, I think I need to go to the hospital.”

“Quit being so dramatic, Deandra,” Frank says over his newspaper, “When I was in ‘Nam, men lost a lot more blood than that and they didn’t bitch. Whole hands chopped clean off. Acted like nothin’ even happened.”  

“You mean at your sweatshop?” Dee barks back, but Frank doesn’t seem to notice her implication that it’s his fault. Or maybe he doesn’t care.  

“C’mon, we gotta have something in the back,” Charlie instructs, grabbing a bottle of vodka.  

Dee follows and they enter the back office. Charlie starts digging around, prompting Dee to instruct him to hurry.  

He pulls out a white metal box from under a large stack of papers and notebooks, causing them to fall all over the floor. He blows the dust off. He’s not sure what it says, but the red + sign probably means it’s medical. He opens it to discover a half roll of gauze, a pair of scissors and part of a candy bar. Bingo!

Charlie approaches where Dee is sitting on the desk. She knows she looks as nervous as she feels, causing a sense of weakness and embarrassment to add to it. It’s not safe to show vulnerability around the gang. Though with Charlie, it can be okay.

She pulls the napkins away and he whistles, sounding impressed. She uses the last of the clean napkins to wipe away as much blood as possible, wincing at the pressure.  Charlie squints and leans in closer. “You got some glass in here.”

“Great,” Dee mutters. This whole situation keeps getting worse.  

Charlie grips her forearm, holding it in place. “I’m sorry, Dee, but this is gonna suck.” He opens the bottle and slowly pours some liquid onto the wound.  

“Fuck,” she hisses. He gives her this look of what could almost be considered empathy, and it feels so kind and tender that she has to look away.  

“I’m gonna get this glass out now, okay?” He speaks carefully and precisely, and while she would usually find it patronizing, it’s actually keeping her calm.  

Holding her arm in place with one hand, he brings his free hand to her palm, pinching at a piece of glass. Dee looks away, nearly gagging at the sight. He drops the fairly large piece on the desk, and leans in for another close look. “I think that’s it,” he finally determines.  

He pulls the bottle out again, pouring the vodka one more time, as they watch the red and clear liquids run together.  

Dee watches as he begins wrapping the wound. She looks up, “Thanks, Charlie.”

He shrugs, “Eh, I guess I kinda owe you anyway. Y’know, for when the McPoyles stabbed me.” She remembers the chaos of it, the sound of pulling the fork out. Trying not to gag as she helped Charlie slip his jacket off, then applying pressure and taping gauze over the wound. What’s probably from the same roll he’s using on her.  

Dee smirks, “Or when Terrell’s sister punched you for being an asshole.”

“That was just ice, Dee,” he reminds her. He sits back a moment later. Done.  

Dee inspects his work. It’s not great, but seems to be working. She doesn’t see any blood leaking through and the stinging stopped.  

He sits next to her on the desk. Dee takes a deep drink from the bottle, the burning in her throat practically nothing compared to the stinging in her hand. Though a lot of that comes years of experience. Dee passes the vodka to Charlie, who takes a long drink.  

“I guess we kind of look out for each other.”

“Yeah. I guess we do.”

(idk, I kinda like the idea of Charlie being her caretaker for a bit)

xxxxxxxxxx

Broken Glass 2-

Dee stares up into the open vent, looking doubtful.  

“It’s therapeutic,” he encourages her.  

That’s no help. Dee’s done with therapy after her last session with that bitch. Therapy is bullshit.  

“I’m trying to help you,” Charlie says, “Sharing my secret room and shit.”

Dee sighs. “Fine. But you’re going first.”  

He climbs on the chair then into the vent. Dee follows behind, suspicious and a little grossed out. She follows through the vents of Paddy’s.  

They reach their destination as they enter a dirty room. “Where are we, Charlie?” Dee asks, not hiding her annoyance.  

“It’s my Bad Room,” he replies simply. When she doesn’t seem to understand the significance, he explains “I come up here to smash bottles sometimes.”  

“Is that what that noise is?”  

He selects an empty beer bottle from the corner and slams it into the floor. Dee flinches at the crash. “Jesus Christ, Charlie!” she shouts.  

He passes her an empty bottle. Dee looks unsure, but throws it against the room, where it smashes into the wall and explodes. It’s satisfying. She stretches, rolling her body. Okay, that felt good.  

She picks up another one. She imagines the face of everyone who called her The Aluminum Monster in high school and hurls another bottle across the room. 

Dee chances a glance over to Charlie. He’s watching her, with a mixture of amusement and joy. Charlie grins at her. “Is it working?” He smashes one, too, for the hell of it.  

Dee thinks of Barbara, all the insults and outward dislike. It still stings a little, deep down, but urges out anger too. She throws the bottle that she’s holding down. Watching the glass shatter as she has so many times, enjoying being the one doing the damage this time.  

Dee thinks of her brother. Their mother’s clear favorite. Her twin who treats her like shit, but shells out just enough scraps of approval to keep her around. “Fuck you, Dennis,” she declares slamming another empty glass bottle onto the floor.  

It’s nice- not being judged for throwing and yelling. Letting everything out, without being told she’s overreacting or emotional. Not having to worry about how she’s being seen.  

Dee’s brought out of her thoughts when she hears Charlie’s shrieky-yell, and sees a bottle crash into the floor.  

They continue for a while, smashing and yelling together until the bottles are nearly gone.  

She feels a little better. More relaxed, and maybe even a little grateful for Charlie.  

He pulls out a six-pack sitting by the entrance, and takes a seat against the wall. He opens one and takes a drink, then pulls out a second, offering it to her.  

She inspects the dirtu floor for a moment before accepting once again this is where her life’s at, this is who she is, and takes a seat next to him.  

[mashitandsmashit]

America’s Got Talent: Season 14 - Finals

Well now I feel like a jerk! I ranked Emanne and Benicio as my Bottom 2 in my “Rooting For” list last week (though to be fair, between them, VoS and DYC, the factors that ranked them in the order they were in were practically nonexistent, because it was too close to even think), but I had no idea that BOTH of them had birthdays this week (and that Emanne’s was tomorrow). I mean no disrespect to the birthday boy and girl...

And again, I must emphasize that I have nothing against any of the acts that made it this far (barring some not-so-great performances from some of them). But when there are several acts that deserved to be here more than several of the acts that ARE here (oh, how naive we were to believe that Marcin EVER had a chance), and almost every act just feels like part of a big mushy sap monster, it was hard to feel much excitement going into tonight...But I kept the most open mind I could...

Let’s do what the judges aren’t willing to do and compare everyone based on their pros, cons and overall experience...by doing a Top 10 list!

...Oh yeah, and...Whoop-dee-doo, Finals and stuff...Let’s just get to it...

10: Detroit Youth Choir. It’s their audition all over again, but with more Nazi salutes! ...I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself...But seriously, they either didn’t have time to prepare a new song, or something happened keeping them from performing what they were ORIGINALLY gonna do...Either way, Macklemore is gonna be there tomorrow, so does that mean they’re gonna perform it a THIRD time!? Two nights in a row!? I guess I’m biased since this is the act that single-handedly ruined the Finals for me (just ONE guitarist in their place would have made all the difference in the world), but I really did honestly see a lot of potential in this act, and it’s kind of a shame that they fizzled out after they peaked at the Quarter-Finals...

9: Tyler Butler-Figueroa. It might be my anger at the Cowellization infesting these Finals why I’m putting Simon’s Golden Buzzer this low on the list after being overall positive to him throughout the game, but this one felt like a mess to me! The violin was scratchy and hard to listen to, it sounded like he couldn’t keep up with the backing-track, and there were no unique dances or staging to really help the entertainment value...At the end of the day, this kid really IS one of the acts that didn’t deserve to make it this far over other certain acts, despite how much I’ve enjoyed him overall...Brian King Joseph is coming back tomorrow; Maybe he’ll teach the kid a few lessons and help him hone his skills, because I know Tyler WILL be a great dancing violinist someday...He’s just not there yet...

8: Benicio Bryant. Well, the Benicio Bros are still by his side, even after he looked and sounded more lost than ever tonight! It’s a shame, because I still found his song to be fairly catchy...I mean, he’s no Robert Finley, but I see a lot of potential in him as well! He just needs to get over his stage fright is all...And maybe cut down on the Mr. Rogers sweaters...I WANTED to say Cosby, but I was worried about what that would imply about him...

7: Emanne Beasha. No real step up from before...She seemed a little shaky as well, but it didn’t bring the performance down as badly as Benicio...Uhhh, Happy Birthday to both of them?

6: Kodi Lee. Once again, this wasn’t his best! Is everyone just in denial or something!? I still stick by my opinion that he was at his best during his first two performances! But what do I know!? I’m just some schmuck writing countdown lists on a website that’s getting sold (yeah, heads up Frank, we might have to jump platforms again). Nothing I say is gonna stop Kodi from taking the win tomorrow night...

5: Ndlovu Youth Choir. I knew it was only a matter of time before they performed this song, and it was as fun and upbeat as I could have asked for! That being said, this didn’t have anything to offer that they didn’t give us before...THAT being said, they are definitely still the superior Youth Choir, regardless of which one gets more votes tomorrow...

4: Ryan Niemiller. Not the funniest material we’ve heard from him either, but I still love his energy and presence! I guess I’m committing a hate crime by not voting for him, but technically EVERYONE tonight qualifies for that...

3: Voices of Service. Maybe it’s because I came into tonight with a more open mind than last week, but whereas I quickly forgot about these folks before, tonight they were hands down my favorite singers! I guess I could go on about the same old stuff regarding their harmonies as well as their individual talents (I don’t even remember hearing much from the skinny guy before, but he might actually be the best singer of the bunch next to the lady!) It’s clear why they made it this far to begin with, but at least they have the talent to back up those cheap ‘n easy votes...

2: Light Balance Kids. THIS is the kind of creative, fun, well-choreographed, well-made performance I’ve been waiting for from these kids throughout the entire live shows! It had the same charm as their Judge Cuts performance, but with even more nicely-done effects! Kinda wish they put more focus on being this hip 90s-style youth group throughout the season...But either way, this should TOTALLY be the new “Let’s all go to the snack bar!” that plays before the movie...The goofy presentation with the food monsters would fit PERFECTLY with “It Chapter Two″! You’ll float too!

1: V.Unbeatable. They REALLY ramped up the crazy flips THIS time! Not much else to say...It’s good to know that they’re as popular as they are, but will it be enough to give them the win that they most definitely deserve...? Well, if nothing more they will DEFINITELY be in the Top 3 tomorrow...

You can tell Howie was trying to carefully dance around saying that this was the the “Best Finals Ever”, because he was contractually obligated to say it like he is every year, but I can definitely see why Simon would say that! These finals were everything he could have dreamed of! Oh, so many tear-jerking Cinderella stories...It’s enough to make a TV producer moan in ecstasy!

But when factoring in what actually MATTERS, tonight was about as lackluster as a line-up like this could have suggested...Only a few REALLY rose to the standards of the Finals...

My Votes: Appropriately enough, the two acts I was rooting for were also the best performers hands down tonight! For that, I used all three voting methods to give them as many votes as I could...

Result Predictions: There’s a case to be made for everyone tonight, but I do have a few observations...First of all, Ndlovu will probably be near the bottom in the votes, because they never had the support that the other Youth Choir had throughout the season...And I think the reason for that is the old factor of DYC being a group of dozens of kids, who each have numerous family members to vote for them along with all of the people giving them the sympathy vote...Ndlovu doesn’t have this luxury, not only because there are less of them, but also because the majority of their relatives are clearly still in South Africa, where they can’t vote for this show...This is why Ndlovu ended up in the Judges’ Choice TWICE, whereas DYC keeps getting easy passes in each round...

I’d like to think that LBK will get enough of that variety vote (that ESPECIALLY seems common in the Finals) to end up in the Top 3 like all acts of their nature tend to land...But they haven’t been as popular as the original Light Balance, and they might not have begged for nearly as many sympathy votes as say, Tyler or VoS...Chances are, the variety votes might end up concentrated on V.Unbeatable...

Which brings us to our main candidates for the Grand Prize: V.Unbeatable and Kodi Lee...It seems practically guaranteed that they will both be in the Top 3...I say Top 3, because there is a side of me that predicts that there may be an act coming between them for the Runner-Up spot! Whenever there are these two acts, one of them a cool variety act and the other some singer that’s been held up on a pedestal throughout the game, and they are BOTH being considered as candidates for the win...it’s usually not the both of them in the Top 2...Usually one of them gets a shock elimination in Third (and more often than not, it’s the cool variety act), and some dark-horse might end up as the Runner-Up...Who that might be is hard to call, but I’m actually considering Benicio being that act standing side-by-side next to Kodi at the end, because again, the Benicio Bros are ever dedicated, to the same degree that Angelica Hale’s fanbase was...

So I’m gonna go ahead and do what Frank usually does by predicting what I think the final rank will be...I’ll keep it pessimistic just to avoid being let down TOO much tomorrow...

10: Ndlovu Youth Choir

9: Emanne Beasha

8: Ryan Niemiller

7: Voices of Service

6: Light Balance Kids

5: Tyler Butler-Figueroa

4: Detroit Youth Choir

3: V.Unbeatable

2: Benicio Bryant

1: Kodi Lee

As for which guest performers will perform with who, I already made my guesses for Tyler and DYC, but I hear that Chris Jericho will perform with Ryan, and I’m willing to bet that Cher will be Kodi’s partner...I'll leave everyone else to surprise me, as opposed to what the final results will be...

(Sigh) Now let’s get this season over with...

[golden-geese]

mac and dennis are sleepy bitches ch. 3 repost; read on ao3

2007 4:15 p.m. A Sunday

As he folds his laundry, Mac goes through the list. Dennis and Dee’s mom is dead. Their real dad is crazy or something (Mac never got a straight answer on that one) and the next best thing is Frank. Charlie’s mom is overbearing. He grew up without a dad, and then recently found out that his dad is probably Frank. Collectively, the gang could count all their living parents or parent proxies on one hand: Mac’s mom, Mac’s dad, Charlie’s mom, Bruce Mathis, and Frank. Mac is the only one with two confirmed living parents. He goes through the list again and again and again, much like he spent all last night doing-- except this time, he’s dealing with a pile of laundry on his unmade bed, not tossing and turning and flipping his pillow over.

 He’s been letting his laundry pile up. He only even started doing it today because he realized he was literally on his last pair of socks. He let it pile up for so long it turned out to be like four loads-- and then he washed the towels too, because if you’re already doing laundry, you might as well wash the towels too. It’s an unkempt mountain on his bed; tee shirts and pants and underwear and socks and towels. He’s just been adding to the pile all day, never stopping to fold between loads.

 Anyway. Dennis and Dee’s mom is dead, and their fake dad is Frank, and their real dad is apparently some weirdo. Charlie’s mom is bonkers and his dad is probably Frank too. Mac has two living breathing parents.

 So, he wonders bitterly as he shakes out a pair of jeans, why does he feel like he has the shittiest deal of them all? Dennis and Dee might as well be orphans, and Charlie’s mom is even crazier than Charlie. It doesn’t make sense, he tells himself. It doesn’t make sense that he’s so damn ungrateful and mushy about all of this.

 Anyway, Mac is the one responsible for his dad getting locked up again. He’s probably the worst son in the whole world, he figures as he folds a pair of black pants.

 (remembers, when his dad got out of prison last week, how he went in for a hug and his dad said “don’t touch me”)

 (yeah, mac figures; he’s definitely the worst son in the whole world)

 Because what kind of son gets their dad arrested? All he’d wanted was to take Mac and Charlie to the baseball hall of fame in New York. He’d even bought them all tickets. And now this. Brows furrowed, jaw set, Mac folds a tee shirt. Adds it to the uneven stack.

 His dad doesn’t love him, though. Couldn’t possibly, what with the whole “I’m going to kill you” fiasco.

 (i have mom though, he reasons)

 (and charlie and dennis)

 (and poppins)

 Now that Mac thinks about it… Charlie might not actually love him. He did sabotage the whole dinner party thing. And Dennis is always so wrapped up in his own shit, who’s to say if he loves anyone. Poppins is the only one Mac is sure loves him, and Poppins is a street mutt who’s missing half the time.

 Sighing, he folds the next shirt. He loves Charlie and Dennis and his parents and even probably Dee. He loves all of them, even though they probably don’t love him back. Has so much goddamn love for them it’s bursting out of his chest-- and he shows it, too. By bringing Charlie a Red Bull when they were in high school, or complimenting Dennis when he’s being grumpy, or even just by paying attention and understanding. He’s told them he loves them, too, every so often. Wonders if he’s ever heard it back once. Probably not.

 (whatever.)

 Sulking a little, he reaches for the pile and picks up the next shirt. Starts to fold it; frowns, realizing it isn’t his. Turns it around in his hands. It’s a soft button-down, striped with white and light blue. Nicer quality than any of Mac’s clothes. A size bigger to accommodate broad shoulders. Dennis.

 He straightens the sleeve out. You don’t fold button-down shirts, right? You have to hang them up so they don’t get wrinkled. He straightens his shoulders. Makes the executive decision. Heads to Dennis’ room.

 “Hey, Dennis?” Mac asks, knocking.

 “What,” a muffled voice comes.

 He nudges the door open. Catches sight of Dennis, shirtless-- Dennis, standing in front of his dresser mirror, a weird frown at his lips.

 “Your shirt got into my laundry somehow,” Mac explains, tossing it to him.

 Dennis doesn’t catch it. Watches it billow its way to the floor. Mac watches too, before turning his eyes back to Dennis. Droopy eyes. Pale skin. Messy hair.

 “You okay, dude?” Mac asks cautiously.

 “Fine,” Dennis responds, barely audible.

 “You… sure?”

 “Fine,” Dennis insists.

 Mac watches him a moment longer. Nods once. “I’ll… leave you to it, then, I guess.”

 He takes a step back; re-installs himself in the doorway-- but doesn’t leave the room.

 Footsteps in the hall. Yelling outside. Always yelling outside.

 He stands there for probably an hour. “Have you eaten?”

 “Dinner? Have I eaten dinner? No, I’m not hungry,” Dennis says emptily.

 “No,” Mac says-- “I mean, like, have you eaten… today?”

 Dennis swallows. Meets Mac’s eyes for a tenth of an instant. “Why do you care?”

 “I mean-- you gotta eat, dude. Or you’ll, like, die,” Mac says dumbly.

 “Oh, is that how science works? Is it? Are you a doctor? Is your name doctor… science?” Dennis sneers, his voice cracking.

 Mac blinks. “When’s the last time you ate?”

 “This morning.”

 “For real?”

 “Yes.”

 “Okay,” Mac says, deciding it’s probably just easier to believe Dennis and keep an eye on the situation. “‘Cause I know you were being weird about… y’know, the whole thing where you looked like that pedo…”

 “I don’t look like that pedo,” Dennis insists. “He’s fat. I’m not. I’m chiseled.”

 “Yeah,” Mac says quickly. “You’re super chiseled, man. You’re so chiseled it’s ridiculous. You’re hot.”

 Heat immediately smoke-bombs in his chest. The last two words fell out of his mouth without his brain’s consent.

 Dennis is staring at him now, eyes somewhat narrowed. “You think so?”

 “Yeah,” he says. Clears his throat. “You know. In, like, a totally platonic bro kinda way. Like, objectively, do I think you’re attractive? Yes. Objectively, yeah, I do.” He gestures vaguely.

 “Thanks,” Dennis says, nodding a tiny amount. “You know, your opinion means a lot to me.”

 “Really?”

 “Oh, yeah.”

 (maybe dennis does love mac)

 “Cool.”

 (maybe dennis just shows it weird. he totally loves mac. yeah. mac was stupid to ever think otherwise)

 Dennis yawns.

 Mac catches it.

 “Sorry,” Mac says, even though Dennis yawned first and apologizing for yawns isn’t really a thing people do. “I didn’t sleep, like, at all last night.”

 “Me neither,” Dennis admits.

 “Think I’m gonna take a nap, actually,” Mac adds. Yawns again, now that he’s thinking about how tired he is.

 “That’s a good idea. Maybe I will too.”

 “Oh, shit-- my bed is covered in laundry,” he sighs. “Nevermind, I guess.”

 Dennis’ jaw tilts a little. He half-shrugs. “You can use my bed, if you want.”

 “Really?”

 “I don’t see why not.”

 His voice is still all weird and quiet. But at least he’s talking.

 “Okay, dude,” Mac says, nodding. “Thanks.”

 It’s an awkwardly choreographed shuffle, to casually get in the same bed as your best friend, but they do it. It’s a big bed, at least-- they can both settle in comfortably without even feeling that the other is there. A soft bed too, Mac thinks as he nestles into it-- soft and warm and inviting. Probably because it was expensive. Mac bought his mattress at Kmart. It was on sale.

 He hears Dennis’ breathing change. Tunes into it as he drifts off himself.

 +

 Dennis wakes up ten percent. Feels arms around him, warmth against his skin-- becomes another ten percent more alert. A hookup. Some girl he met at Paddy’s or some other bar-- no doubt a big-breasted woman with glossy lips, wearing one of those silky pink and black spaghetti-strap tops girls are always wearing with their low-rise jeans. But why is she all wrapped around him instead of vice versa?

 He wakes up another thirty percent. Now he’s fifty percent awake, for anyone keeping track. It’s Mac who’s snuggled around him. Right.

 Whatever, he thinks, resigning himself. He opens his eyes for a second just to make sure it is in fact Mac. Relaxes his muscles again. If he lets on that he’s awake, if he disturbs Mac’s sleep-- Mac will leave. The warmth is nice. Whatever.

 +

 It’s not like Mac meant to wrap his entire body around Dennis’. It’s not like you can help what you do while you’re sleeping.

 But, considering he’s already in this position, it would be rude to move now. Dennis is still asleep, after all, even though Mac woke up. It would just be inconsiderate.

 Anyway, Mac’s mind is finally quiet. He finally feels relaxed. It would just be stupid to ruin that.