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chiseler · 5 years ago

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Nick Tosches’ Final Interview

On Sunday, October 20th, 2019, three days before his seventieth birthday, Nick Tosches died in his TriBeCa apartment. As of this writing, no cause of death has been specified. It represents an Immeasurable loss to the world of literature. The below, conducted this past July, was the last full interview Tosches ever gave.

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In Where Dead Voices Gather, his peripatetic 2001 anti-biography of minstrel singer Emmett Miller, Nick Tosches wrote: “The deeper we seek, the more we descend from knowledge to mystery, which is the only place where true wisdom abides.” It’s an apt summation of Tosches’ own life and work.

Journalist, poet, novelist, biographer and historian Nick Tosches has been called the last of our literary outlaws, thanks in part to his reputation as a hardboiled character with a history of personal excesses. But he’s far more than that—he’s one of those writers other writers wish they could be. He’s seen it all first-hand, moved in some of the most dangerous circles on earth, and is blessed with the genius to put it down with a sharp elegance that’s earned him a seat in the Pantheon.

Born in 1949, Tosches was raised in the working class neighborhoods of Newark and Jersey City, where his father ran a bar. Despite barely finishing high school, he fell into the writing game at nineteen, shortly after relocating to New York. He quickly earned a reputation as a brilliant music journalist, writing for Rolling Stone and authoring Country: The Twisted Roots of Rock ’N Roll (1977), the Jerry Lee Lewis biography Hellfire (1982) and Unsung Heroes of Rock ’N Roll (1984). After that he staked out his own territory, exploring and illuminating the deeply-shadowed corners of the culture and the human spirit. He’s written biographies of sinister Italian financier Michele Sindona, Sonny Liston, Dean Martin and near-mythical crime boss Arnold Rothstein. He’s published poetry and books about opium. His debut novel, Cut Numbers (1988) focused on the numbers racket, and his most recent, Under Tiberius (2015) presented Jesus as a con artist with a good p.r. man.

While often citing Faulkner, Charles Olsen, Dante and the Greeks as his primary literary influences, over the past fifty years Tosches’ own style has evolved from the flash and swagger of his early music writing into a singular and inimitable prose which blends the two-fisted nihilism of the crime pulps with an elegant and lyrical formalism. Like Joyce, Tosches takes clear joy in the measured, poetic flow of language, and like Dostoevsky, his writing, regardless of the topic at hand, wrestles with the Big Issues: Good and Evil, Truth and Falsehood, the Sacred and the Profane, and our pathetic place in a universe gone mad.

For years now, Tosches’ official bio has stated he “lives in what used to be New York.” It only makes sense then that we would meet amid the tangled web of tiny sidestreets that make up SoHo at what remains one of the last bars in New York where we could smoke. Tosches, now sixty-nine, smoked a cigar and drank a bottle of forty-year-old tawny port as we discussed his work, publishing, religion, the Internet, this godforsaken city, fear, and how a confirmed heretic goes about obtaining Vatican credentials.

Jim Knipfel: When I initially contacted you about an interview last year, my first question was going to be about retirement. You’d been hinting for awhile, at least since Me and the Devil in 2012, that you planned to retire from writing at sixty-five. And since Under Tiberius came out, there’d been silence. But shortly after I got in touch, we had to put things on hold because you’d started working on a new project. As you put it then, “I find myself becoming lost again in the cursed woods of words and writing.”

Nick Tosches: It is unlike any other project. I am indulging myself, knowing nobody has paid me money up front. Is it a project? Yeah, I guess anything that’s not come to a recognizable fruition is a project. So yeah. I do consider the actual writing of books to be behind me.

JK: Did thinking about retirement have anything to do with what we’ll generously call the dispiriting nature of contemporary publishing?

NT: Oh, very much so. Very much.

JK: There’s a remarkable section in the middle of In The Hand of Dante, it just comes out of nowhere, in which you launch into this frontal attack on what’s become of the industry. I went back and read it again last week, and it’s so beautiful and so perfect, and as I was reading I couldn’t help but think, “Who the hell else could get away with this?” Dropping a very personal screed like that in the middle of a novel? And a novel released by a major publisher, in this case Little, Brown. Was there any kind of reaction from your editor?

NT: Okay, is this the same passage where I talk about all these people with fat asses?

JK: Yeah, that’s part of it.

NT: Okay, my agent at the time, Russ Galen, said he heard from {Michael} Pietsch, the editor who’s now the Chief Executive Officer of North America. And the moment he became so, he went from being my lifelong friend to “yeah, I heard of him.” He complained about the fat ass comment, and my agent told him, “If you go for a walk with Nick Tosches, you might get rained on.” Apart from that, no. And I have to say, he considers that one of his favorite novels, ever. When I tried to get the rights back because of a movie deal, he said “no I won’t do that.” I said “Why?” And he said because it was one of his favorite books. So no, there was no real backlash. A lot of comments like your own. A lot of people saying “Boy, that was great.”

JK: As we both know, marketing departments make all the editorial decisions at publishing houses nowadays, and over the years you must have driven them nuts. There’s no easy label to slap on you. You hear there’s a new Nick Tosches book coming out, it could be a novel, it could be poetry, it could be a biography or history or anything at all. I’m trying to imagine all these marketing people sitting around asking, “So what’s our targeted demographic for The Last Opium Den?”

NT: I just set out to do what I wanted to do. If they wanted to cling to the delusion that they could somehow control sales or predict the future of taste, fine, let them go ahead and do it. I’ve always found it’s the books that gather the attention, they just try to coordinate things. All they’re doing is covering their own jobs. If they can wrangle you an interview with Modern Farming, well, there’s something to put on a list they hand out at one of their meetings… They’re all illiterate. Thirty years ago there was still a sense of independence among publishers. Now they’re just vestigial remnants that mean nothing because they’re all owned by these huge media conglomerates.

JK: To whom publishing is irrelevant.

NT: Right. It’s all just a joke.

JK: I guess what matters is that the people who read you will read whatever you put out. If you put out a book of cake decorating tips, I’d be the first in line to buy it. Actually I’d love to see what you could do with Nick’s Best Cakes Ever, right? It’s something to consider.

NT: Maybe not that particular instance, but what you have so kindly referred to as my current project, which is very…eccentric. It’s the herd of my obsessions that will not remain corralled as I intended.

JK: What brought you back to writing? You’ve said in the past that writing is a very tough habit to kick.

NT: Well, what brought me back? I have no idea. Maybe just actual, utter, desperate boredom. There was none of this Romantic need to express myself. Just a lot of little obsessions, that’s all. As I said…well, I didn’t say this at all. There’s nothing at stake. There’s no money, there’s not going to be any money. There’s no one I need to give a second thought of offending or pleasing. But that having been said, I’m taking as much care with it as I have with everything else. I’ve always thought of myself as the only editor. And having had the good fortune to work with good titular editors, which means their job consists of perhaps making a suggestion or stating a preference or notifying me that they do not understand certain things, and beyond that leaving it be. As I told one editor,I forget when or where or why, “Why don’t you go write you’re own fuckin’ book and leave mine be?” He had all these great ideas. The best editors are the ones that aren’t frustrated authors.

JK: I was lucky enough to work with two editors like that. One had a nervous breakdown and is out of the business, the other just vanished one day.

NT: Well, you’re fortunate. Not only do most editors, a majority of editors, which are bad editors, like the majority of anything, really. If they don’t interfere with something, and nine times out of ten make it worse, they’re not justifying their jobs. The other thing is, we’re recently at the point where the new type of writers, which are the writers who are willing to do it for free, think the editor’s the chief mark of the whole racket. But it’s not—he’s not, she’s not. Their job is to get you paid and leave you alone. That’s the thing. Now you got pseudo editors, pseudo writers. If you think of a writer such as William Faulkner. Now there’s a guy who just screamed out to be edited. Fortunately the editors were willing to publish him and leave him alone, which is why we have William Faulkner. That was the editor’s great contribution, protecting William Faulkner from that nonsense. People speak about, what’s that phrase applied to Maxwell Perkins? “Editor of Genius.” Well, the genius was you find someone who can write really well, and don’t fuck with ‘em. There’s something to be said about that. It’s to Perkins’ credit.

JK: If I can step back a ways to your early years. You were a streetwise kid who grew up in Jersey City and Newark. Your father discouraged you from reading, but you read anyway. So what was the attraction to books? Or was it simple contrariness on your part because you’d been told to avoid them?

NT: I got lost in them. It was dope before I copped dope. I used to love to drift away, in my mind, my imagination. I loved books. My father was not an anti-book person, but he was the first generation of our family to be born in this country. A working class neighborhood where okay, this guy worked in this factory, and that guy owned a bar, and that guy delivered the mail. Nobody was going any further than this. And I remember my father saying, “These books are gonna put ideas in your head.” I guess I enjoyed that they did. Terrible books, some of them. Terrible books, but it didn’t matter.

JK: You’ve also said that very early on you wanted to be a writer.

NT: Yes.

JK: Or a farmer.

NT: Or a garbage man or an archaeologist. Those were my childhood aspirations.

JK: Considering the environment you were coming out of, three of those seem counterintuitive.

NT: Garbage men got to ride on the side of the truck, and that looked great. Archaeologists, wow. I didn’t know they were spending years just coming up with little splintered shards of urns. Yeah, writer. Writing had a great attraction for me, because writing seemed a great coward’s way out. You can communicate anything while facing a corner, with no one seeing you, no one hearing you, you didn’t have to look anyone in the eye. It’s a great coward’s form of expressing yourself. That coupled with the fact that what I felt a need to express was inchoate. I didn’t even understand what it was I wanted to express. Sometimes I still don’t.

JK: You’ve also said that in your teens you started to listen to country music, which given the time and place also seems counterintuitive.

NT: Did I say my teens? Maybe I was nineteen or twenty. Yeah, I never listened to country music until the jukebox at the place on Park Avenue and West Side Avenue in Jersey City.

JK: It was right around that time, when you were nineteen, twenty, that you published your first story in the music magazine Fusion. Which means we’re right around the fiftieth anniversary of your start in this racket.

NT: Let’s see…that was 1969, so yeah, I guess so. Fifty years ago.

JK: Then for the next fifteen-plus years you wrote mainly about music. You were at Rolling Stone and other magazines, and you put out Country, Hellfire and Unsung Heroes of Rock ’n Roll. So How early on were you thinking about branching out? About writing about the mob, or the Vatican, or anything else that interested you?

NT: Before I ever wrote anything. You have to understand, these so-called rock’n’roll magazines provided two great things. First as an outlet for young writers whose phone calls to The New Yorker would not be accepted. And they all, back then before they caught the capitalist disease, offered complete freedom of speech. So yes, in the course of writing about music you could…or actually, forget about writing about music, because nobody even knew anything about music. We were just fucking around.

JK: I remember an early piece you did for Rolling Stone back in 1971. It was a review of Black Sabbath’s Paranoid album, but all it was was a description of a blasphemous Satanic orgy straight out of De Sade.

NT: Yeah, I remember that one.

JK: It was pretty amazing, and even that early, your writing was several steps beyond everything else that was happening at the time. But from an outsider’s perspective, your first big step away from music journalism was actually a huge fucking leap, and a potentially deadly one. So how do you go from Unsung Heroes of Rock ’N Roll to Power on Earth, about Italian financier Michele Sindona?

NT: After Hellfire, someone wanted to pay me a lot of money to write another biography. But I realized there was absolutely no one on the face of the earth whom I found interesting enough to write about other than Jerry Lee Lewis. I’d caught sort of a glimpse of Sindona on television. My friend Judith suggested “Why don’t you write about him?” But how am I gonna get in touch with a guy like that? And she said I should write him a letter.

JK: He was in prison at that point?

NT: Yes, he was in prison the entire time I knew him, until his death. He died before the book was published. I met him in prison here in New York, then they shipped him back to Italy to be imprisoned, and I went over there.

JK: You were dealing with The Vatican, the mob, and the shadowy world of international high finance. Were there moments while you were working on the book when you found yourself thinking, “What the fuck have I gotten myself into?”

NT: Well, yes, because the story was too immense and too complicated to be told.

JK: Something I’ve always been curious about. Publishing house libel lawyers have been the bane of my existence. Whenever I write non-fiction, they set upon the manuscript like jackals, tearing it apart line-by-line in search of anything that anyone anywhere might conceivably consider suing over. And I wasn’t writing about the likes of Jerry Lee Lewis, Dean Martin, or Michele Sindona.

NT: “Conceivably” is the key word in this country, where anyone can sue anyone without punitive repercussions. That’s the key phrase. What these libel lawyers are also doing above all else is protecting their own jobs.

JK: Were you forced to cut a lot of material for legal reasons?

NT: Yes, including proven, irrefutable facts. So yes I did. And it’s not because it was libelous, but because it was subject to being accused of being libelous. It’s a shame. Some of the things were just outrageous. I once threw a fictive element into a description that involved a black dog. “Well, how do you know there was a black dog there?” I said there probably wasn’t, that it was just creating a mood. “Well, we gotta cut that out.” So what’s offensive about a black dog? It sets a precedent. Misrepresentative facts? Morality? I don’t know. These guys.

JK: I don’t know if this was the case with you as well, but I found out I could write exactly the same thing, and just as honestly, but if I called it a novel instead of nom-fiction. They didn’t touch a word. Didn’t even want to look at it. As it happens, your first novel, Cut Numbers, came out next. Had that been written before Power on Earth?

NT: Let me think for a moment…Well, the order in which my books were published is the order in which they were written. The only putative exception may be Where Dead Voices Gather, because that was written over a span of years with no intention of it being a book. So yeah, Cut Numbers. What year was that?

JK: I think that was 1988. I love that novel. There’s a 1948 John Garfield picture about the numbers racket, Force of Evil.

NT: Yeah, I’ve seen that.

JK: But of course they had to glamorize it, because it was Hollywood and it was John Garfield.

NT: I like John Garfield. Terrible movies, but a great actor.

JK: What I love about Cut Numbers is that it’s so un-glamorous. It’s not The Godfather. It’s very street-level. And I’ve always had the sense it was very autobiographical.

NT: I’ve never written anything that wasn’t autobiographical in some way, shape or form. The world in which Cut Numbers is set was my auto-biographical world. “Auto,” self and “bio,” life. My auto-biographical world. The world I lived in and the world I knew. It’s a world that no longer exists. Like every other aspect of the world I once knew. Except taxes. Which I found is a really great upside to having no income. I’m serious.

JK: Oh. I know all too well.

NT: I mean, but It comes with “Jeeze, I wish I could afford another case of this tawny port.”

JK: A few years later, after Dino, you released your second novel, Trinities. While Cut Numbers took place on a very small scale. Trinities was epic—the story spans the globe and pulls in the mob, the Vatican, high finance. You crammed an awful lot of material in there. It almost feels like a culmination.

NT: I wanted to capture the whole sweep of that vanishing, dying world. It was written during a dark period of my life, and I was drawn to a beautifully profound but unanswerable question, which had first been voiced by a Chinese philosopher—sounds like a joke but it’s true: “What if what man believes is good, God believes is evil?” Or vice versa. And we can go from there, the whole mythology, the concept of the need for God. To what extend is our idea of evil just a device? We don’t want anybody to fuck our wives. So God says thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife. We don’t want to be killed, so thou shalt not kill. It’s a bunch of “don’t do this, because I don’t want to suffer that.” I don’t want to get robbed. I dunno, what the hell. Yeah, this has something to do with Trinities, and I somehow knew as I wrote Trinities I was saying goodbye to a whole world, not because I was leaving it. It was basically half memory, as opposed to present day reality.

JK: I remember when I first read it, recognizing so many locales and situations and characters. At least from the New York scenes. That was right at the cusp, when all these things began disappearing.

NT: Yes, and now it has to such an extent that I walk past all these locales, and it’s a walk among the ghosts. That was a club, now it’s a Korean laundry. This was another place I used to go, now it’s Tibetan handicrafts.

JK: I don’t even recognize the Village anymore. I used to work in the Puck Building at Lafayette and Houston. Landmark building, right? It’s since been gutted completely and turned into some kind of high-end fashion store.

NT: Yeah, it’s all dead.

JK: Now, when Trinities was released, I was astonished to see the publisher was marketing it like a mainstream pop thriller. You even got the mass market paperback with the embossed cover treatment. I love the idea of some middle management type on his way to a convention in Scranton picking it up at the airport thinking he was getting something like Robert Ludlum,, and diving headlong into, well, you.

NT: I can explain why all that was. It was volume. It was the same publisher as Dino. They were happy with Dino. Dino was a great success. I think that was 1992, because that was when my father died. This is now, what, 2019? There has not been a single day where that book has not sold. Not that I could buy a bottle of tawny port with it. So whereas with Cut Numbers I was paid a small amount and eagerly accepted it. Eagerly. In fact it’s one of the few times I told the editor, ran into him at a bar, and said all I want is this, and he said “Nah, that’s not enough, we’ll pay you twice that.” Then Dino was double that. And look, I really want to do this book Trinities and be paid a small fortune for it. They had to say yes. They had to believe this was going to be the next, I dunno. Yeah, mainstream. Most of these things are ancillary and coincidental to the actual writing.

JK: There were a lot of strings dangling at the end of the novel, and I remember reading rumors you were working on a sequel. You don’t seem much the sequel type. So was there any truth to that?

NT: Not that I was aware of. I’m sure that if they’d come back and said, “Well, we pulled it off,” and offered twice that, there would’ve been a sequel. Because I loved that book, so if they were going to offer me more to write more, I would have. I hated saying good bye to that world and the past.

JK: Maybe you’ve noticed this, but the people who read you often tend to make a very sharp distinction between your fiction and your non-fiction, which never made a lot of sense to me. To me they’re a continuum, and any line dividing them is a very porous, fuzzy one. Do you approach them in different ways?

NT: Oh, god. Do I approach them differently? Yes. In a way, I approach the fiction with a sense of unbounded freedom. But parallel to that, that blank page is scarier knowing that there is not a single datum you can place on it that will gain or achieve balance. With non-fiction, I am constrained by truth to a certain extent. That’s also true in fiction. They just use different forms of writing. There are poems that have more cuttingly diligent actuality than most history works. It comes down to wielding words. Tools being appointed with different weights and cutting edges and colors. Words, beautiful words. Without the words, no writing in prose is gonna be worth a damn. Used to be, I get in a cab, and back then cab drivers were from New York, and they’d ask me what I did. Now I don’t think they really know what city they’re in. They know it’s not Bangladesh. But if I told them what I did, it was always, “Oh, I could write a book.” Yeah, you’re gonna write a book. Your life is interesting. So what’re you gonna write about? Great tippers, great fares? Become a reader first. Read the Greeks sometime. I decided next time a cab driver asks me what I do for a living. I’m gonna tell him I’m a plumber. “Oh, my brother-in-law’s a plumber!”

JK: As varied as your published works are, there are two I’ve always been curious about. Two complete anomalies. The first was the Hall and Oates book, Dangerous Dances, which always struck me—and correct me if I’m wromg—as the result of a whopping check for services rendered. And the other. From thirty years later, is Johnny’s First Cigarette. Which is, what would you call it? A children’s book? A young adult book?

NT: Right. Of course they’re many years apart. Okay, Hall and Oates, Dangerous Dances. I knew a woman who was what you’d call a book packager. I owed money to the government. Tommy Mottola, who was at the time the manager of Hall and Oates, wanted a Hall and Oates book. She asked me if I wanted to do it, and I said yeah, but it’s gonna cost this much. And Tommy Mottola, in one of the great moments of literary judgment, was like, “How come he costs more than the other people?” She said something very nice about me. He has got on his desk a paperweight that’s a check for a million dollars in lucite. We weren’t talking nearly that much. So I came up with the title Dangerous Dances. I had never heard a Hall and Oates record. So I met them. It was over the course of a summer. So I did that and made the government happy. That’s one book I try not to espouse. But everyone knows I wrote that, it has my name on it. As I wanted, as my ex-agent says.

Now. Johnny’s Last Cigarette, which as I said was many years later. I don’t even think that was ten years ago.

JK: I think that came out in 2014, between Me and the Devil and Under Tiberius.

NT: I get so sick of all this political correctness. I mean, every man. Every woman was once a child. And there are all these good. Beautiful childhood moments and feelings. Which is the greatest step on earth that we lose. It’s not a nefarious book like Kill Your mother—which may not be a bad idea—but sweet. Why do we rob these kids of the dreaminess of the truth? So Johnny’s first Cigarette, Johnny’s First whatever. I was living in Paris at the time when I wrote that.. I knew a woman who was one of my best translators into French. We put the idea together with a publisher I knew in Marseilles and a wonderful artist-illustrator we found and were so excited about.

To tell you the truth I think the idea of legislating feeling is like…How the fuck do you legislate feeling? And forbidden words. It may have been Aristotle who said, when men fear words, times are dark. You and I have spoken about this. Sometimes we don’t even understand what it is about this or that word. It’s like that joke—a guy goes in for a Rorschach test, and the psychologist tells him. “Has anyone ever told you you have a sexually obsessed mind?” And the guy says, “Well, what about you, showing me all these dirty pictures?” What do these words mean? I don’t know. Why is it a crime to call a black man a crocodile? I have always consciously stood against performing any kind of political correctness. And I have written some long letters to people I felt deserved an explanation of my feelings.

JK: Whenever people get outraged because some comedian cracked an “inappropriate” joke, and they say, “How could he say such a thing?” I always respond, “Well, someone has to, right?”

NT: Yeah. So one book came from the government’s desire to have their share of what I’m making. We’re all government employees. The other was, why can’t I write something that’s soft and sweet with a child’s vocabulary that’s not politically correct?

JK: If Dangerous Dances and Johnny’s First Cigarette were anomalies, I’ve always considered another two of your books companion pieces. Or at least cousins. King of the Jews an Where Dead Voices Gather are both biographies, or maybe anti-biographies, of men about whom very little—or at least very little that’s credible—is known: Arnold Rothstein and Emmett Miller. And that gives you the freedom to run in a thousand directions at once. They’re books made up of detours and parentheticals and digressions, and what we end up with are essentially compact histories of the world with these figures at the center. They strike me as your purest works, and certainly very personal works. More than any of your other books, it’s these two that allow readers to take a peek inside your head. Does that make any sense to you?

NT: Yes, it makes perfect sense. In fact I couldn’t have put it any better myself. This whole myth of what they called the Mafia in the United States—there’s no mafia outside of Sicily. Or called organized crime, was always Italians. The Italians dressed the part, but the Jews made the shirts. It was always an Italian-Jewish consortium. And this Irish mayor wants to play ball? So now it’s Irish. Total equal opportunity. It was basically…Well, Arnold Rothstein was the son of shirt makers. Not only did he control, but he invented what was organized crime in New York. He had the whole political system of New York in his pocket. Emmet Miller was this guy who made these old records that went on to be so influential without his being known. Nobody even knew where or when he was born. The appeal to me was as both an investigator and then to proceed forward with other perspicuities, musings and theories. I never thought of them before as companion works until you mentioned it, but they are.

JK: People have tended to focus on the amount of obsessive research you do. Which is on full display in these books, but what they too often overlook, which is also on full display here, is that you contain a vast storehouse of arcane knowledge. It’s like you’ve fully absorbed everything you’ve ever read, and it just spills out of you. These forgotten histories and unexpected connections.

NT: I’ve always kept very strange notebooks. I still do, except now it’s on the computer. There’s no rhyme or reason to these notebooks, it’s just,”don’t want to forget this one.”

JK: Speaking of research, has your methodology changed in the Internet Age? I’m trying to imagine you working on Under Tiberius and looking up”First Century Judea” on Wikipedia.

NT: The Internet demands master navigation. There are sites which have reproduced great scholarly, as opposed to academic, works. There’s also every lie and untruth brought to you by the Such-and Such Authority of North America. This is what they call themselves. I experienced this within the past week. It was not only complete misinformation, but presented in the shoddiest fashion, such as “Historians agree…” I mean, what historians? I couldn’t find a one of them.

So my methodology. I love Ezra Pound’s phrase, “the luminous detail.” Something you find somewhere or learn somewhere…They don’t even have a card catalog at New York Public Library anymore, let alone books. You want an actual book, they have to bring it in from New Jersey. Who cares anymore? What they care about is who’s in a TV series, and they whip out their Mickey Mouse toys and, “look, there he is!”

JK: I was thinking about this on the way over. You and I both remember a time when if you were looking for a specific record or book or bit of information, you could spend months or years searching, scouring used bookstores an libraries. There was a challenge to it.

NT: It was not just a challenge. It was a whole illuminating process unto itself, because of what you come to by accident. So in looking for one fact or one insight, you would gather an untold amount. That is what it’s about.

JK: Nowadays if I’m looking for, say, a specific edition of a specific book, I take two minutes, go online, and there it is. I hit a button, and it’s mailed to me at my home. Somehow it diminishes the value, as opposed to finally finding something I’d been searching for for years. Nothing has any value anymore.

NT: No, definitely not. When I was living down in Tennessee, all those Sunday drives, guys selling stuff out of their garages. Every once in awhile you hit on something, or find something you didn’t even know existed. Now education on every level, especially on the institutional, but even on a personal level, is diminished. People are getting stupider, and that probably includes myself.

JK: And me too. Now, if I could change course here, you’re a man of many contradictions. Maybe dichotomies is a better term. A streetwise Italian kid who’s a bookworm. A misanthrope who seeks out the company of others. A libertine who is also a highly disciplined, self-educated man of letters. It’s even reflected in your prose—someone who is always swinging between the stars and the gutter. It’s led some people to say there are two Nick Tosches. Is this something you recognize in yourself?

NT: Yes. It’s never been a goal, it’s just…

JK: How you are?

NT: Yeah. I’ve noticed it, and much to my consternation and displeasure and inconvenience, yeah. But there’s no reward in seeking to explain or justify it.

JK: One of the most intriguing and complex of these is the savage heretic who keeps returning to religious themes, the secrets of the Church and the sacred texts. And of course the devil in one guise or another is lurking through much of your work. Again it’s led some people to argue that since you were raised Catholic, this may represent some kind of striving for redemption. You give any credence to that?

NT: No. Absolutely not.

JK: Yeah, it would seem Under Tiberius would’ve put the kibosh on that idea.

NT: I don’t even consider myself having been raised Catholic, in the modern made-for-TV sense of that phrase. I was told to go to church on Sundays and confession on Saturdays, and I usually went to the candy store instead. I was confirmed, I had communion. To me, it was a much deeper, much more experiential passage when I came to the conclusion that there was no Santa Clause than when I came to the conclusion there was no God. I remember emotionally expressing my suspicions about Santa Claus to my mother. Toward the end of his life, I was talking to my father one day, and I said, “By the way, do you believe in God?” And he said no. I said me neither. And that was about the only real religious conversation we ever had. I think religion, without a doubt since its invention—and God was an invention of man—is a huge indefensible evil force in this world. When people believe in a religion which calls for vengeance upon those whose beliefs are different, it’s not a good sign. Not a good sign.

JK: This is something I’ve been curious about. Two of your novels—In the Hand of Dante and Under Tiberius—are predicated on the idea that you come into possession of manuscripts pilfered from the Vatican library. The library comes up a few other times as well. You write about it in such detail and with an insider’s knowledge. Either I was fooled by your skills as a convincing fiction writer, or you’ve spent your share of time there. And if the latter, how does a heretic like you end up with Vatican credentials?

NT: Okay. You go buy yourself a very beautiful, very important let’s say, leather portfolio with silk ribbon corner stays that keeps the documents there. Then you set about…Well, my friend Jim Merlis’ father-in-law, for instance, won the Nobel Prize in physics right around then. So I went to Jim and said, “Hey Jim, do you suppose you could get your father-in-law to write me a letter of recommendation? I know I never met the man.” Had a tough life, but won the Nobel Prize. Did a beautiful letter for me. I don’t even know that I kept it. You put together five letters that only Jesus Christ could’ve gathered. And he probably couldn’t have because he was unwashed. It was twice as difficult for me, because I had no academic affiliation, not even a college degree. But the Vatican was so nice. There are two libraries. One involves a photo I.D. and the other one doesn’t. They gave me two cards, and they made me a doctor. That’s how you get in. So what do you do once you’re in? They have the greatest retrieval library I’ve ever seen. The people that you meet. One guy was a composer. Wanted to see this exact original musical manuscript because he wanted to make sure of one note that may have changed. So this was all real—I just hallucinated the rest. If you can use a real setting, you’re one step closer to gaining credibility with the person who reads you. I still have my membership cards, though I think they must’ve expired. They were great. You go to a hotel and they ask you to show them photo ID? “Ohhh…”

JK: One of the themes that runs throughout your work is fear. Fear as maybe the most fundamental motivating human emotion.

NT: Any man who thinks he’s a tough guy is either a fool or a liar. Fear is I think one of the fundamental formative elements. And I’m just speaking of myself becoming a writer. Choosing to express yourself with great subtlety in some cases, when what you want to express is so inchoate. But that was a long time ago. I still believed in the great charade. These days I’m just living the lie. But it’s so much better than fear. To convey fear. The more universal the feeling, the easier it is to convey powerful emotions. There was a line in Cut Numbers; “He thought the worst thing a man can think.” Michael Pietsch my editor said, “What is that thing?” And I said “Michael, every person who reads that will have a different idea.” It’s an invocation of the Worst Thing. One woman might read it and think of raping her two-year-old son. Some guy might think of robbing his father. To you or I it might not be that bad a thing, but to that person it’s the Worst Thing.

JK: That’s the magic of reading.

NT: That is the magic of reading. That’s the bottom line. Writing is a two-man job. It takes someone to write it and Someone to read it who’s not yourself.

JK: Exactly. Readers bring what they have to a book, and take away from it what they need, what interpretation has meaning for them.

NT: It’s also possible to write certain very exact phrases and have them be evocative of nothing but a thirst for an answer that the person who wrote them doesn’t know. Readers never give themselves enough credit. Now all the experiential and soulful depths of all our finite wanderings, roaming imaginations and questions thereof are relegated to a Mickey Mouse toy. That’s what I see, people who interact with these toys instead of another person. I don’t care. I was here for the good times.

JK: There’s another idea that’s come up a few times in various forms and various contexts in your work, where you say, in essence, “once you give up hope, life becomes more pleasant,” which is a wonderful twist on Dante.

NT: It’s true!

JK: I know, and I’m in full agreement with you. Hope, faith, belief, are all great destroyers. But I’m wonderinh, when did you come to that conclusion?

NT: A lot of the things I write or think I do put in that notebook I mentioned, and I usually put the date. That was one where I did not put down the date. I do believe it’s true. People say, “never give up hope.” Why the hell not? If you don’t give up hope, it leads you, at a craps table, betting you’re aunt’s car. Where did hope ever get anybody? It’s terrible.

JK: Now, there are two quotes which have appeared and reappeared throughout your work, and I think you know which two I’m talking about. The first is from Pound’s Canto CXX: “I have tried to write Paradise// Do not move/ Let the wind speak/ that is paradise.” And the other’s from the Gospel of Thomas: “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” As you look at your life and work now, and look back over the last half century, do you think you’re closing in on that point where Pound and Thomas finally come together?

NT: Yes. I never thought of that phrase you choose, “come together,” but yes. They’ve become more and more deeply a part of my consciousness. Yes, every day I pause. And I still hold the 120th Canto to be the final one. It was just one person who insisted no, this is not how he would have ended. Which is why the current modern edition of the Cantos goes two cantos more. There’s this line that is so bad. It’s hilariously bad. The joke of history. The line that Pound was supposed to have written to go beyond that beautiful line was, “Courage, thy name is Olga.” The other of course, the meaning of that line, that line being the one you were referring to, if you bring forth what is within you it will save you, if you do not bring forth it will destroy you. Of a hundred translations from the Coptic, that, to me, is the perfect translation. What is that thing? That’s what everybody wants to know. That’s me. That thing is just the truth of yourself. If you do live in fear, that will destroy you. If I speak the truth, the worst it’s going to do is frighten another. That will save you. That will set you free. Those two things, yes. And there’s another element, if I can add it unsolicited. I’ve noticed this pattern with people such as Pound and people such as Samuel Beckett. The greatest depth, the most majestic wielders of language as a communication form, slowly trail off to silence. Which is what Pound refers to in what I know is the last Canto. Be still. Paradise. Ezra Pound’s own daughter, Mary de Rachewiltz, translated The Cantos into Italian. Her translation had moments when it was an improvement on his phraseology. In Italian, “Non ti muovere” is much better than “be still.” Books, reading, writing, lend themselves to interpretive subtleties which are by no means pointless. What can people get out of an app?

by Jim Knipfel

#Nick Tosches' Final Interview #The Chiseler #Jim Knipfel #Nick Tosches

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heilewelt · 5 years ago

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“I like anything that’s good for me.” – An Interview with Orville Peck

Orville Peck is a good one. When we sat down in the lobby of his hotel it was easy to forget about the mask he was wearing – instantly I was caught by the glint in his eyes when he talks about his music. I love the idea of creating a new persona and starting fresh without the names of previous bands giving you an expectation of how the music should sound like. The debut album “Pony” is one of a kind – based in Country it opens up to so many more music genres like punk, Rock and even the huge singing style of musical. I’ve been in love with this beautiful dark voice since the first time I heard “Dead of Night” a couple of month ago, before I knew anything about him or the mask. We talked about his voice and that it wasn’t always this beautiful dark. If you want to know more about this and how everything came together, please enjoy our little conversation.

The first thing I thought when I heard your music for the first time – I didn’t see a picture and I didn’t know anything about you – I had to think about Jandek. He makes a little weird music and for 40 years or so no one knew who he was. When I heard your voice, I thought about him and afterwards I learned about the mask and everything.

Orville Peck: That’s funny. I haven’t thought about that for a while.

Would it be something you’d like to accomplish – no one knowing your face for so many decades?

I don’t think it’s a goal of mine. This look is just part of who I am as Orville Peck. That’s not really a conscious decision to conceal anything. It’s just part of my face.

What was first: Having your very personal songs and then hiding or hiding and then say now I can write about myself?

I think it was a bit of both at the same time. Some of the lyrics I’ve been writing for quite a long time now. For example I’ve written the lyrics for “Turn To Hate” about 4 or 5 years ago, before I really knew what I was going to do with it. Growing up with the music I really liked, I was always into the lyrics. I remember when I got the CDs I always loved reading the lyrics in the CD pamphlet and things like that. For me lyrics are very, very important. I’m a big Patti Smith fan and I think her lyrics are so important, maybe even more important than the music. The music just adds to it. I’ve always looked at music like that. I’ve always liked the stories behind songs and I’ve always loved reading tour bios and things like that because I love hearing about what a song is about and who they were written about. That kind of stuff always intrigue me. I just like making music that has a story. I think it was something that was already in me and the mask just gave me the confidence to actually do that finally.

I’ve recently done an interview with William The Conqueror from England. Actually there is no William in the Band. The singer and songwriter Ruarri Joseph said that going away from his own name gave him the freedom to write about his own past and get really personal. It’s quite funny to meet you now.

Maybe something similar I guess. I used to think I’m a really open person with friends and everyone and a very easy person to talk with. Until this project and writing very personal stuff, I realized that the older I gotten that I’m a bit of closed person and it’s actually hard for me to talk about my feelings in a real way which is funny because I never actually thought I was like that. People would always say that to me. So, it’s been an interesting, cathartic thing for me to do this album. When I get to sing these songs on stage, it’s sometimes hard for me. It’s been very good for me as a person because it made a lot more open.

It’s a bit like therapy.

Totally. It’s really special to see other people in the audience getting emotional because relate to it or they know the lyrics for a particular song. That’s very cathartic as well because it definitely feels to me like I’m not alone in it.

I think what always happens to all of us at least once is that we think we are alone with a problem and because of that we don’t want to talk about it because we maybe don’t want to annoy someone with our stupid problem or the stuff we’re scared of.

Exactly. There is a song on the album that is very personal to me. It’s “Nothing Fades Like The Nights” which is actually about a heartbreak but a heartbreak in a different way. It’s not about somebody else, it’s very much about my own heartbreak and disappointment in myself. At the time I didn’t really understand it but now that I’m older I kind of understand it better. I went through a long period where I felt very numb emotionally and I couldn’t cry when I was sad and I didn’t know why. I’ve been in situations where people were feeling all these emotions and I didn’t feel anything. I thought something was really wrong with me. Ironically that was saddest times of my life, when I didn’t know how to feel sad.

I think it’s not always that easy to let sadness take over. It sometimes takes some courage to be just sad, especially when you have people around you who don’t expect you to be sad.

I’ve travelled my whole life. I’ve been living in so many different places, so I’ve formed a lot of quick friendships that are usually quite intense. Some of them were on a superficial level where I felt like we could just exist, travelling, crossing path and I never had to be a 100% real with anyone a lot of the time. It was an easy way for me to remain a little bit closed because I had all these friends all over the place. I could travel and see them all and put the focus on them, their issues and tend to not address my own feelings for a long time. This album is very exposing in some ways because it’s dealing with topics I’ve been struggling with my whole adult life. It’s the first time I’ve put it into any kind of performance or art. The experience is a personal thing.

Was there an initial spark to do this?

Yeah, I played in bands for many years. Then I took about five years off making music after my last band stopped playing and touring. I went to focus on other things. I acted my whole life, was a dancer and many different things. I went and focused on other kinds of performance. I thought I was done making music and touring. I really felt jaded about it all. After a lot of time passed I felt like something was missing from my life. I made music since I was a very little child and realized I missed it so much that couldn’t really be without it. I wanted to do something new and totally different from what I’ve done before. I loved Country music my whole life and loved singing my whole life. I’ve never really been a front man that often. I’ve usually played other instruments in my previous bands. I knew I wanted to do it my way finally. A lot of different factors encouraged me to do this. Up until a few months ago when we started releasing singles, I wasn’t sure how people were going to react to it. I feel very proud of the music. I feel like it’s music I would listen to but I didn’t feel confident that people were gonna respond in the way it has been. It’s been really, really lovely for me as well.

It’s sort of old-school but fresh at the same time and it has sometimes this schmaltz which I love.

I grew up with a very diverse taste in music, art and film. I really genuinely love every type of music. I understand when people are genre purists but to me I just don’t know why I would want to deny myself. Why would you want to do that? I think some music sucks but it’s not by genre. I like anything that’s good for me. I knew I wanted to root this album in Country music. That’s the main influence, especially Outlaw Country from the 60ies and 70ies. I definitely wanted to add a little bit of flavor of different influences of mine – those range from Punk to New Wave to Classical Music to Musicals. There are a lot of things on this album that I purposely referenced and slit in in different places. When I listen to complex artists I really like knowing that there is something in there they’re referencing, something totally different. I love finding those things as a music fan. I love nerding out over that. So I wanted to put that in there for people to find it.

I think if you wouldn’t do that as an artist you would just copy pasting what has been there beforehand.

For me it’s not even necessarily about trying to stay authentic in myself and that…of course it’s that as well. For me, I think, it’s about artists sometimes not giving the listener enough credit and they think they have to spoon feed something or have to do something very one dimensional for someone to buy it, especially nowadays. I think people appreciate complexity a lot more than we give them credit for.

It’s maybe not what you find in the charts but it’s here for the long term.

It’s maybe paves you a way as an artist.

I’ve read that you’ve lived in a lot of places like Africa, US, UK… how did you treat the local scene and the folk scene from those places as it’s different from Country or Americana, especially in Africa.

Although people might not pick it up right away but there’s a lot of African influence in the songs that I make. The kind of African music I really love growing up is penny whistle jive and Miriam Makeba or Brenda Fassie. The thing that I really love from that time period is that it is has a really upbeat sound to it and the rhythms are very specific and the core progressions are very specific but the lyrics are sometimes so somber and so sad but you wouldn’t notice it right away. I think someone like Miriam Makeba was really amazing at that. Essentially she was the South African Nina Simone. All of her songs were very much about Civil Rights and race and oppression but from the sound you couldn’t tell it right away. I actually have a song that didn’t make it on Pony eventually which is specifically about the longest period I’ve been living in Africa. That probably be on the next album.

You recorded your album in British Columbia and then my head started spinning with the mask and everything and all of a sudden you became the lone ranger to me. [we laugh] In the wild west…well, not that wild. I looked it up and the studio is pretty remote on an island.

Definitely. It’s a very rural part of British Columbia, it’s a small island called Gabriola. It has a very small population of people. If you don’t have a car… you can’t walk around at night because it’s just pitch black. There are really incredible beaches there and phosphorescence in the water. It’s a really picturesque place to make an album like this. I spend a good amount of time living in the pacific northwest mountain region and wrote quite a few songs there like “Big Sky”. I think a lot of people associate cowboys with the desert and that very dry atmosphere and a lot of my songs have that setting. The sound I wanted to capture for “Big Sky” is a rainy, dark feel, maybe a campfire in the mountain with a rainy, kind of cold feeling - that pacific north west your socks are always wet kind of feeling.

When I looked at a map, Vancouver is just across the sea - as if you could see it from there and I thought it’s a perfect setting for your music.

I think a lot of the things I sing about on this album were experiences that happened on the west coast of North America – from Vancouver all the way down to Los Angeles and Nevada. A big portions of the event in these songs take place along this coast.

You’ve got a big variety in landscapes just like in your music. My favorite song is “Buffalo Run”. It sounds very angry and aggressive but the words you chose always make me smile, too.

I’m a big fan of bluegrass which is a certain type of country. Bluegrass is famous for being really fast with the banjos and the mandolins with quite steady slow vocals on top of it. It gives the song a dichotomy. The thing I always love in is the key it is played in a lot of the time and the speed the banjo and mandolin are played at. It sound quite frightening to me, even though they are singing about some folky thing. The music sometimes sounds frantic and kind of scary to me. With Buffalo Run I wanted to make a song that brought that and also a little bit of my past of playing in punk bands. I wanted to combine these things and make a scary Orville Peck song. I also wanted it to feel like buffalos charging since it speeds up and has this stampede feel to it. That song is definitely going back to my old days of playing in Punk bands where when we played out every night I was getting to release a little bit of tension. [laughs]

It’s perfect for that. How long did it take you to find your voice? I love the tone of your voice.

I’ve been singing since I was very little. I always loved to sing as a child. I never was able to sing low at all, I used to sing in a high register. I did classical training as a tenor for most of my young adult life. When I moved to London about six years ago, I was doing this very intensive performance training and learned that I have this whole other two octaves to my voice that I never really knew about. For me, who sang very high my whole life, it was very exciting to find out something so drastically new about myself.

It doesn’t happen every day.

As a singer I was really excited to suddenly have a three octave range. I’ve always been such a fan of Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson and all these Country crooners who sing so low. I always wanted to make music like that and suddenly I was able to. I trained as a kid but this just happened by chance.

It’s so funny especially since you’ve been making music you whole life.

It’s bizarre. It’s like someone told me something like ‘you’re a tenor, you sing high’ and I was just like ‘yeah, ok’ and never even explored that other part of my voice for 20, 25 years or whatever.

To discover something that new that late, has it influenced the way you approach music nowadays?

Definitely. In some respects it has opened a literal range but also an emotional range within me. Maybe it was what I had to do to unlock my feelings. For instance “Winds Change” is a song on the album I go from really, really low in my register to going really high in my register. For me to be able to perform that… it is something really indescribable to perform that song because it just moves through my entire range of emotion. It makes it a lot more fun and it makes it a lot more liberating in the creative sense. I don’t feel like I’m trapped in one part. I feel really grateful that I can do it now.

As far as I read you played most of the instruments yourself.

Yes, for the first three songs that I wrote and recorded for this album, which were “Dead of Night”, “Big Sky” and “Roses Are Falling”…and “Take It Back” actually. On those songs I played probably 95% of the stuff on them. And then the engineer who recorded my album – his name Jordan Koop and he lives on Gabriola Island – plays a couple of instruments in those songs. And then some of the others were a mix of different musicians I worked with on the east coast and on the west coast. There is a really fantastic banjo player named Tina Jones. I play banjo on one of the songs and she plays banjo on a couple of the other songs because I wanted a very particular sound and it’s not my first instrument. I got her to play on the album. It was really nice. It felt very much like I got to choose the right people to fill the roles were I knew I wanted them instead of me.

How do you know you’re not able to do it yourself? Try it first and then figure out that maybe you should take some who can actually play that part?

I think for instance for an instrument like banjo there’s bluegrass, there’s folk banjo, there are just so many different sounds. The way I approach playing banjo is just from the banjo stuff I mostly listen to - bluegrass, faster banjo. For “Big Sky” there is a really beautiful line that Tina wrote that clicks just underneath everything. She is more of a Folk banjo player. I knew I wanted to have someone who has a better ear for that. Even though I can see and hear it in my head I need someone to execute that. Same as my guitarist Duncan Jennings who plays in my live band. He helped me to write a few of the songs and arranged some of the songs because he definitely more of a technical skilled musician. All the instruments I taught myself. I never went to music classes or anything like that. I sometimes feel like I can hear something in my head or visualize it but I don’t know how to execute it because I don’t have the technical skill. It’s good to have someone like Duncan in the studio because then I can be like ‘I want it to sound like it’s 1980’s and it’s slow motion and it’s on the beach in Malibu but it’s raining and that it’s that kind of guitar sound’ - I don’t know how to describe it and he’ll be like ‘like this’ and it’s perfect.

That’s magic!

That’s literally how I described the sound of “Hope To Die”. I approach music from a visual point of view because I’m a visual learner and I don’t have the technic. Luckily I know people who can not only help interpret that crazy explanation but also can execute it. Sometimes it’s a lot of experimentation but we get there in the end. It was a really cool experience working on this album because I had such a clear vision what every song should sound like and what it should look like, what emotion I wanted the people who listen to it will feel. We worked really hard that it will come across. I’m very happy with the outcome.

How did you make sure that people feel what you want them to feel whilst you were writing and recording the songs?

I’m saying this in a way that I hope it does do it. As I said to you earlier – I just used to spend a lot of time taking the focus off my own feelings, listening to all of my friends problems and put the focus on them because I didn’t want to be open. So, I think I’ve learned to be a really good listener and I understand other people very well. I think it’s actually the biggest skill that I have is to understand how to navigate all different types of people. It also comes from the fact that I’ve travelled so much and lived in so many different cultures, societies and class systems. I just understand that among all of us there is a common threat all the time and I know to access that with other people because I think it’s just about telling a story that everyone can relate to even if it has specific differences. It’s about knowing that we all have the same story. I think it has been really special for me with Orville Peck, or with “Pony” rather, that I sing about men a lot on this album, about men relationships.

I think it’s very good. I listen to a lot of music made by men who sing about women, so I usually have to switch the gender in my head.

I think the thing that is really interesting, that is so wonderful to me, is that a lot of people who are coming to my shows or messaging me are older middle age straight men with kids and a wife who say ‘man, that song is so beautiful. My wife and I are listening to it all of the time’. It’s so funny for me because it’s a song about two men and the fact that it doesn’t bother this person and that they connect to it regardless is so comforting for me as well. It’s funny because I feel like a lot of the songs on this album are about me feeling like such an outcast and such a loner in life and the fact that all these people love it so much and relate to it, suddenly I feel like I’ve so many people around me supporting me – it’s almost this ironic full circle where these songs are about my loneliness but now there are all these people around me. It’s a fascinating thing that has been happening to me with this whole album.

Thank you for the interview, Orville!

youtube

“Pony” has been released a couple of month ago and it’s been my favorite album of the year so far! He will be back beginning of November and be fast - the first concert is already sold out.

8.11. Nochtwache, Hamburg 09.11. Badehaus, Berlin - sold out 10.11. Folks! Club, München

Thank you for reading,

Dörte

#orville peck #interview #pony #country #outlaw country #on tour #music #rock #punk

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hysterialevi · 6 years ago

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When the Devil Cries pt. 27

Fanfic summary: (NO SPOILERS IN THIS STORY) After arriving in Saint Denis, Arthur ends up falling in love with a seemingly innocent pianist, only to find himself in a battle with one of the most notorious outlaws to ever emerge from America. Now, between working for Dutch and robbing money for the gang, Arthur has to also protect the man he loves as the two of them try to find their freedom.

Pairing: Arthur Morgan/Male OC

Previous chapter

This story is also on AO3

From Arthur’s POV

SHADY BELLE, DUTCH’S OFFICE

“What do you mean he’s dead...?” Dutch asked, his face drained of all color as I gave him he tragic news. “...What the hell happened?”

“It was Rodrick,” I replied. “That maniac workin’ for Atticus. He just...shot Lenny. Killed the poor boy without a second thought...and he weren’t alone. There were other members from Atticus’ gang on the boat, too. They knew we was coming, Dutch. They were ready for us.”

Contrary to what I was expecting, the other man didn’t seem surprised by that in the slightest and simply stared into the distance, thinkin’ to himself as he rubbed his chin.

“...So Micah was right.”

I paused, shrugging outta confusion. “What? Right about what?”

Dutch gave me a suspicious glance and lowered his voice, steppin’ closer to me as he made sure no one was listening in.

“Micah reckons there’s a rat.”

I sighed in annoyance, thinking back to when I saw the two of them talkin’ on the front porch. So that’s what they were discussing.

“Does he, now.”

“I know your feelings for him, Arthur,” Dutch said, crossin’ his arms, “but think about it. Every time we have tried to pull off a job or go after a tip, Atticus’ gang has always been there waitin’ for us. That ain’t no coincidence. Someone out there is telling them our plans. Lettin’ them know what our next step is. They are killin’ our family, and they are just as responsible for Lenny’s death as Rodrick is. We need to find them.”

I still wasn’t convinced. “Are you sure, Dutch? It don’t take a genius to see that we’ve been anythin’ but discreet. We’ve stayed in Shady Belle for far too long, we’ve robbed damn-near every establishment in Saint Denis, and Atticus knows where we’re hiding. To be honest, I’m just surprised he hasn’t wiped us out already.”

Dutch rested his hands on his hips. “Well, it doesn’t hurt to keep an eye out. I’ve already got a few ideas on who the rat could be, but I want you to help me find them. For all we know, there could be more than one. In the meantime...” he began making his way outta the office, “start packin’ your things. We’re leaving this swamp at first light, and then heading up north to a place called Beaver Hollow. Charles reckons we can stay there for a week or two.”

I followed Dutch out of the room, watchin’ as he descended the staircase. “...And after that?”

The older man looked up at me from under his hat, his eyes twinklin’ with that dark glint again.

“All in due time, my son. All in due time.”

THE NEXT MORNING

EAST OF LAGRAS

Navigating my way through the tall, droopy trees in this area, I left my horse at a small gatherin’ of shrubs and started traveling on foot to Hosea’s grave, eager to say one last goodbye before leaving for Beaver Hollow.

With all the pandemonium goin’ on recently, and Dutch’s erratic behavior, I hadn’t had a chance to stop by and visit the old man until today. It felt...strange seeing Hosea like this. I mean, he wasn’t the first friend I lost -- and I doubted he’d be the last -- but I had gotten so used to the man bein’ a part of my daily life that things just seemed...broken...now that he was gone. Incomplete. And frankly, I didn’t know how to fill the emptiness.

Hell, these days, I caught myself thinking about ghosts more than actual people. Instead of seein’ the folks who were still around back at camp, I always seemed to notice the ones who weren’t there...and it frightened me.

How many more people were we gonna lose before Dutch started thinkin’ straight? I understood that we needed money -- and shit ton of it -- but to me, it just didn’t seem like it was worth it to sacrifice half our gang in our pursuit of freedom.

After all, the whole point of our gang was to create a better society. A community of men and women livin’ by their own rules, free from civilization. But that weren’t gonna be possible if we didn’t have any people left to free.

Ah, well...I supposed we would just have to hold out for as long as possible. It was clear to me by now that Dutch had no plans on shiftin’ his mind away from Micah’s incessant ramblings, and the further he delved into that man’s mind, the more he seemed to lose his own.

The Dutch I had grown to know and love as a father, a friend, and a teacher...was no longer around. Nowadays, all I saw was a money-hungry fool willin’ to sell his own soul if it meant finding his freedom. I mean, the man barely seemed fazed when I told him about Lenny’s death.

But...maybe Dutch had always been like that. Maybe there was nothin’ different about him at all. Maybe...I just stopped being blind.

I just wished I had opened my eyes sooner.

Finally makin’ it out of the thick trees, I reached a small clearing in the forest and found Hosea resting in the center of it, a wooden grave marker standing somberly above him as tall strands of grass swayed peacefully around him.

It wasn’t anywhere near the kind of memorial Hosea deserved, and I felt even worse that we couldn’t give him a proper funeral, but it was better than being left to rot in this...wasteland of a civilized world.

At least, here, Hosea was surrounded by what he loved most. Nature. Ever since I was a boy, that old man had always loved nature. He grew up in the mountains. Spent more time outside than he did in his own house. Never seemed to get bored of travelin’ the country or exploring its secrets...especially when Bessie was still by his side.

It was one of the main reasons Hosea despised civilization so much; because it was killing the one thing he loved. And now, much to my dismay...it had also killed him.

Walkin’ closer to his grave, I suddenly noticed there was someone else visiting Hosea and stopped in my tracks, taken by surprise. The person’s arms were crossed at the moment, and their head hung low in a mournful manner as they looked down at Hosea’s grave, silently paying their respects.

It didn’t look like John or Abigail, and Dutch was still busy helpin’ the folk back at camp...so it couldn’t have been any of them. Who was this person?

Glancing down at the Schofield hanging from their waist, I instantly recognized the buck carving on its grip and the overall demeanor of its owner, causing a realization to light up in my head as a wave of sorrow washed over me.

I gently approached the other person, tilting my head in curiosity.

“...Eddie?”

The boy quickly glanced over his shoulder at the sound of his name and snapped back to reality, turnin’ around to greet me.

“Oh, Arthur...! Sorry. I didn’t hear you arrive.”

I stepped next to Eddie, gazing at Hosea’s grave marker.

“Sayin’ goodbye?”

He nodded, clearly preoccupied. “I wanted to visit Hosea one more time before leaving for Roanoke Ridge. I didn’t know him for that long, but the man provided a lot of guidance I didn’t know I needed.”

A reminiscent chuckle escaped me. “Yeah...Hosea always had that impression on people. Includin’ myself. Dutch may have educated me, but Hosea’s the one who taught me.”

Eddie let out a sigh, his brow furrowed in discontent. “I just wish I knew what Hosea would do in this situation. I wonder what he’d say to Dutch...or to me.”

I picked up on his discouraged tone, leadin’ me to believe that there was something else on the boy’s mind.

“...You alright, Eddie?” I asked. He paused for a moment, trying to get his thoughts straight.

“...I...I don’t know. Maybe. It’s just...” Eddie fell silent and turned away from me, stepping back from the grave, “I was talking with John and Abigail the other day. They were thinking of...deserting the gang. They wanted to take Jack away and try to start a new life somewhere else. On their own.”

I scoffed in disappointment. “That don’t surprise me. It wouldn’t be the first time John’s ditched us.”

Eddie raised a brow at me. “Really?”

“Yeah. He disappeared for an entire goddamned year, once. Only, Abigail and Jack didn’t go with him. Why, you worried he’ll go through with it?”

The pianist shook his head and stared at the ground, his face stiff with hesitance as he thought about what to say next.

“Actually...I’m starting to think that maybe it’s not such a bad idea.”

That threw me off guard. “Wait, what? E-Eddie, we can’t just leave--”

“--I know you love Dutch, Arthur,” he interrupted, his voice heavy with dread. “And I know this gang means everything to you, but...you’ve seen what’s been happening recently. Hosea’s dead, Lenny’s dead, Strauss is missing...who’s next? You? Me? John? Whose grave are we digging after this...?”

I was silent in response, causing Eddie to take a breath and regain his composure before continuing with his train of thought.

“...I’m sorry, Arthur,” he apologized sincerely. “I don’t mean to put you in this position, but with everything that’s been going on lately, I can’t help but fear for your safety. Every time you and I do a mission together, I’m always terrified I’ll be returning to camp without you. And that incident with Rodrick on the riverboat...we can’t let something like that happen again.”

“I hear you, Eddie,” I assured, puttin’ a comforting hand on his shoulder, “but I can’t abandon Dutch. Not now. I owe him my life. He saved me when I was just a kid. Raised me like a son. He’s the only reason I’m here today. Besides, you said it yourself: you ain’t never runnin’ from anything ever again.”

Eddie looked me in the eye. “And I meant it. But unlike before, I don’t care about saving myself this time. If I have to die, then so be it. I just care about keeping you safe. I know how hard you work to protect me, Arthur, but this goes both ways. I have a job to protect you, too. And I can’t just...stand here and watch as you throw your life away for someone who doesn’t even care about it anymore!”

That caught my attention. “You don’t think Dutch cares about me?”

The pianist gave his honest opinion. “If Dutch still cared about you, he wouldn’t be choosing Micah’s advice over yours. He would’ve listened when you told him the riverboat robbery was a bad idea, and yet, here we are.”

Eddie leaned against a nearby tree and dragged a hand through his hair, letting out a fatigued breath. “I’m not saying Dutch doesn’t care about you at all, Arthur, but he certainly cares a whole lot more about money.”

I rubbed my chin in thought, admittedly seeing Eddie’s point as much as it pained me to say it.

“So...what d’you suggest?”

The boy flicked his eyes around the forest in a cautious manner and softened his voice, takin’ my hand into his.

“...We do the same thing as John and Abigail, we pack our things, and we leave the gang. It’s something much easier said than done, but we’d finally be free of all this chaos. Don’t you think that’s worth it?”

I sighed in defeat and contemplated his plan for a while, absolutely torn by this dilemma. Of course I wanted what was best for Eddie, and I knew he weren’t wrong when he said Dutch was gonna be this gang’s downfall, but at the same time...I had history with that old man. He was a father to me. I couldn’t just...walk away and pretend he never existed.

Then again though, I supposed it was finally time to ask myself which I thought was more important. My loyalty to Dutch, or my promise to keep Eddie safe.

I was just afraid to know the answer.

Noticing my hesitance, it became quite clear to the pianist that I wasn’t ready to make a decision just yet and he backed down for a moment, still holdin’ on to my hand as his shoulders slouched in discouragement.

“Even if you won’t go along with the plan right now,” Eddie said his eyes downcast, “...will you at least consider it? If not for yourself, then...for me?”

Chewin’ on my lip in concentration, I briefly glanced at Hosea’s grave and put my heart to the test, thinkin’ about what that man would’ve wanted for us.

Before he died, I remembered Hosea was always goin’ on about how Eddie and I had a future ahead of us. That we had the potential to make something outta our lives, and break away from this world of crime we had grown so accustomed to.

I didn’t know if that was still the case, and if I was being perfectly honest, the realistic side of me suspected it was too late to make any kind o’ difference... but as much as I cared about this gang...I loved Eddie even more.

So even if it might’ve been futile to think about runnin’ away, or starting some sorta normal life for the two of us, every fiber in my being wanted to go for it anyways.

There was absolutely no guarantee we’d make it out of this alive, but just knowing that there was a chance we could live together as a normal couple...was enough to keep me going.

Finally givin’ in to Eddie’s pleas, I agreed to think about the subject and nodded in acceptance, reassuring him with a sincere gaze as I planted a short kiss on his forehead.

“Okay.” I promised quietly, placing a soft hand on the back of his head. “If you truly think it’s what’s best for us...then I’ll consider it.”

Eddie smiled warmly at that brought me into an embrace, resting his body against my chest as he sighed in relief.

“Thank you, Arthur. I know it’s not an easy choice to make, but regardless of what you decide, I’ll be there. ...Even if it means I have to fall with the gang.”

#red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #eddie ryan #arthur morgan x male oc #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 story

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my-releasevalve · 4 years ago

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Let’s see... “Whiskey Lullaby” is the only sad song I can think of right now, and it’s too late at night to look it up. I will say that there’s still some good country music out there, though not necessarily on the radio. Heck, I keep my car tuned into a station that plays a lot of pre-2000 music. OP isn’t wrong about country music turning into pandering nonsense specifically made to sell albums and appeal to a wide audience. Thing is that’s pretty much all the big artists nowadays. Even Christian music suffers from this, though I wouldn’t be surprised if they coached it in more religious terms. I grew up in Church Culture. I can tell you almost exactly what they’d say.

If you want good country post-9/11, you should go out and find it. You have the internet. Have you never looked it up on YouTube? Has no one shared The Brothers Bright or The Silent Comedy with you? Granted, they seem more like Outlaw Country with Christian themes, but they’re a lot better than what’s on the radio right now. If you hate Christianity, well, there are probably some indie bands and singers in the genre that could appeal to you. But most rural folk tend to be religious. And tearing down Christianity is how we got a lot of the troubles we have today.

Of course, the thing that bugs me is OP listing two songs I don’t like. Not because of their content, but because they feel like what I call “Angry Women Songs”. Which, yes, as a guy I’m rather sick of.

Because I’m tired of the Death Cult that says I’m the cause of all the world’s problems when I can barely make rent, you ungrateful sow. No, not you, necessarily. The one in the back who thinks I hate women because I dislike these songs. You’ll know her when you see her. Or hear her more like.

Look, “Goodbye Earl” always struck me as way too mean-spirited. I’m not saying the guy didn’t deserve, and whatever moral objections I may have, I accept that some folks need killing. But did they have to make it sound like they were mocking him? I dunno. Maybe there’s just something in the way they sang it. I’m of the mind that if you’re going to kill someone, do it and be done with it. Pissing on the grave just doesn’t feel right to me.

“Before He Cheats”? Okay, first off: he has to have cheated. If she’s wrong about her guy cheating (and be honest, has there never been a woman who was wrong about that?), then the whole song goes up in smoke. Looks like a crazy woman smashing up her boyfriend’s car. The music video makes it obvious he’s cheating, but the song does not. Where in the entire song can you say anything she’s stating is actually true and not in her head? Unless you assume that her guy is cheating, it’s just a woman over-reacting to stuff her boyfriend didn’t do.

Also, you also have to assume she has the right car. I mean, yeah, if she’s been dating him long enough, she probably knows what to look for. She can pick it out if it’s got enough identifiable features. But last I checked, the description she gives of the vehicle is so bare-bones it could fit a dozen different cars. So, even if he is cheating, she could be destroying a stranger’s property.

I honestly want to see someone edit the ending of the music video to make it look like that. It would be so hilarious if her ex-boyfriend, coming out of the bar with the other (possibly not as crazy) hot chick, pauses as he sees her standing there, baseball bat in hand...

...and then pulls out his keys and unlocks a different car.

And that’s before the other guy comes out (or hey, maybe another woman?) and goes, “MY CAR!!” But I’ve rattled on long enough.

OP is probably right about a lot of things. I haven’t looked into this myself, and this is mostly off-the-cuff written at almost 2:30 in the morning. So, I apologize for any and everything I got wrong. There is still Outlaw Country though, if you can find it. Go search for it on YouTube. There’s a whole playlist of new and upcoming singers in the genre, including one guy with a guitar and kick drum who sounds like the reincarnation of Johnny Cash himself. Sings about small town kids doing heroin and shit, stuff you won’t find on the radio. It’s good. Do yourself a favor and go find it. I wish I could remember his name; I need to get his album sometime.

Oh, and don’t worry about country being pro-establishment in the near future. After the debacle of the last Presidential Election? You bet your sweet bippie there’s gonna be a lot of songs against the government. But they may not be supporting the side you like so much.

Whatever you think of country, please, leave the Death Cult that blames all the world’s problems on the White Man. It’s just a whole different kind of racism, one that implies that the Non-Whites are powerless and stupid. You think country is dead now? Wait until the real Manhaters get a hold of it. It’ll sink faster than the promises of a career politician.

Oh, one last thing... any of y’all seen the music video for “Girl in a Country Song”? It is fucking hilarious!! XD It’s still one of my favorites, if only because of what they got the guys to do! It’s so worth watching, at least once. You owe it to yourselves to go look it up.

BIG DISCLAIMER: i was 9 when 9/11 happened, so this might be more about my own crystalizing tastes than anything else. i think it’s a pretty darn good theory tho and other people have validated it.

BIGGER DISCLAIMER: i am not saying that country music prior to 9/11 was free from nationalist, racist, misogynist undertones - i just think that these themes became more the norm!

MY HOT TAKE:

with very few exceptions, including goodbye earl, before he cheats, and daddy Iessons (side note - all women!) 9/11 ruined country music. around 2014 onward we’ve got margo price, sturgill simpson, jason isbell etc., who are making country music great again (wink), but those folks are mostly considered “alternative” country. the mainstream country music for well over a decade now is a glut of trash performative patriotic / working-class-but-not-really lab-crafted budweiser-sponsored nonsense that has managed to sound rebellious (or has convinced its fans that it sounds rebellious) without ever actually questioning any power structure. so much so that artists who ACTUALLY criticized the government were literally blacklisted for nearly a decade (the dixie chicks)

pre-9/11 country music, though not perfect or ideologically pure by any stretch, did not have the raging american flag painted truck boner that comes to mind for a lot of people who say “i like everything except rap and country”

SPECIFICALLY, toby keith’s “courtesy of the red, white, and blue (the angry american)” (2002) literally destroyed country music. it was a direct answer to the 9/11 attacks and war song in support of the invasion of afghanistan. the lyrics read like a disjointed feverish email chain letter forwarded from your great uncle sprinkled with glittering american flag gifs and heavily saturated pictures of bald eagles. the entire song is lifted from an estimated 248 peeling bumper stickers collected from rusted trucks on cinder blocks in overgrown yards, cut up and arranged to fit a catchy, formulaic tune that is almost certainly the background music playing in george w. bush’s head at all times.

“we’ll put a boot in your ass, it’s the american way and uncle sam put your name at the top of his list and the statue of liberty started shakin’ her fist and the eagle will fly, and it’s gonna be hell, when you hear mother freedom start a'ringin’ her bell”

country music and the new country musicians that toby keith paved the way for became so pro establishment and so unquestioningly nationalistic that, again, the dixie chicks who went against this grain were blacklisted by the industry and received death threats from country music fans. hell, there are folks who STILL froth at the mouth at the mere mention of the dixie chicks.

9/11 killed outlaw country - how can you sing the praises of law breakers when your main circuit consists of singing to troops? there are some great classic country songs critiquing the police state - especially from johnny cash and merle haggard - now country music artists hold fundraisers for FOPs. new country music is basically in-law country music.

you don’t have to write a pro-bush patriotic anthem to be part of this post-9/11 ruination. playing meaningless songs about living in the heart of (read: white) america, eschewing the city (read: not white), and cracking open a cold one with the boys for “authentic” country music is also important to the war effort.

there’s a progression of themes here:

post 9/11 top tier: war anthem, vocally patriotic, directly used as pro war propaganda; which paved the way for: “things used to be so much better” thinly veiled racist laments, good for campaign ads; which paved the way for meaningless party anthems - attempts to make things “like they used to be” and craft a reality that neither the artist nor listener likely ever experience.

that brings us to what most people think of today when they say they hate country music: the country party anthem - “tiny hot gal in tight jean shorts who can drink beer like the guys, she doesn’t like beyoncé Like Other Girls, oh she’s so into me and my truck, i’m gonna take her fishing after i finish sowing my corn - sung by a guy who’s never touched a tractor” - has overtaken the tragic, done me wrong, despairing country ballads of tammy wynette, george jones, and even up into pre-9/11 contemporaries like reba mcentire and george strait. you didn’t necessarily have to be country to relate to their pain. now you have to perform suburban redneckness to enjoy luke bryan.

when was the last time you heard a sad country song?

after 9/11, cowboys (whether or not they had ever been near a cow) weren’t allowed to be sad anymore (no more done me wrong country), and they certainly weren’t allowed to question authority (no more outlaw country). partying hardy became the most important American Thing and if you don’t sing about that, our Enemies Will Win.

so - understanding that country music has always had bad stuff, and that like any genre it suffers from commercialization, 9/11 DESTROYED COUNTRY MUSIC. and toby keith gleefully helped destroy it.

for some further evidence of the decline of country music, please listen to the dixie chicks’ “long time gone” which is an indictment of the industry (i believe it was written before 9/11 but my point still stands - the genre was on the decline and 9/11 was the major cultural event that hastened the decline).

maybe i am a curmudgeon - almost every generation of country music has had its own “country music is not what it used to be” anthem, but i really think something distinct happened with 9/11.

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shareyourqueerie-blog · 7 years ago

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¨Matryoshka Doll, I remember as a child I would play with Barbie dolls, as any girl my age would. And, being the young girl I was, I always wanted to make romantic plots and stories, much to the discontent of my mother. One afternoon she told me "Stop making girls date, that's wrong!" and little 5 year old me responded with "why does it matter, they love each other!"I first realized I liked girls in grade 6. I started thinking one of my best friends was awfully cute. Whenever she was around I'd feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Problem is, I for a fact knew I liked boys, so the fact that I liked girls, I thought, was contradictory to me liking boys and therefor impossible. So I decided to ignored and bottled up my feelings. But one day in grade 7, as me and my friends were heading out to recess, I heard a magical new term. Bisexual. I asked what this new and unheard of word meant, and my friend simply explained it to me "oh, it's when a person likes both boys and girls." A wave of realization hit me so hard I honestly almost fell down the stairs. "Bisexual,” i thought, “of course, now it makes sense. I like both boys AND girls because I'm bisexual!"

For a few years, my queerness was one of my most private and shameful secrets. I come from a culture that heavily disapproves of same sex relationships, so I grew up thinking something was wrong with people who liked the same gender, so now by extension something was wrong with me. This really weighed on me, I was scared no one would accept me if they knew the truth. I felt disgusted with myself, but I also couldn't change my feelings. All this brought on a lot of self hatred and self doubt for younger me.

Eventually, I decided that I didn't want to lie or be ashamed of this any longer, so I came out to my best friend. I did it at band practice so that if things went wrong she couldn't start shouting at me. While we were changing the sheet music to the next song, I leaned into her ear and whispered "Hey. I gotta tell you something.” “What is it?” she whispered back, throwing a cautious look at our conductor. “I'm bi." The next 3 minutes were agony as I had to wait for us to finish the song before I could hear her response. When the song finally ended, she put to her saxophone to her side and said just "okay.” "Okay?" I was absolutely baffled, I expected her to be as disgusted with me as I felt with myself for so long. "Yeah, okay. It doesn't matter to me, you're still my best friend. You could be papaya-sexual for all I care, as long as you're happy." That incident really changed my perspective on sexuality. It made me feel a lot more at peace with myself, and far more confident.

Through the next year, I came out to most of my friends and classmates. The majority were either supportive or indifferent, but I did encounter a bit of homophobia and at times just specifically bi-phobia. For example one time, I was working on a group project with a few of my friends and two other girls I didn’t really know. The girls started talking about boys and such, and me and my friends politely listened. Then, one of the girls turned to me suddenly and said “You’re bi right?” I nodded. “Ugh I just- I mean I don’t hate gay people or anything, but like… just choose one ya know!” I later found out that this idea of bi people being able to “just choose one” was surprisingly common, but still completely ridiculous. People don’t choose sexualities. Straight girls can’t just flip a switch and start liking girls, as gay girls can’t flip a which and not be gay, so it’s unreasonable to expect bi girls to be able to just switch something and “stick to one”. Today, I luckily only have to deal with homophobia rarely. I go to a very queer-positive school and have come out to my parents. Sure, it took them awhile to get used to it, but what I think matters is that they got there at all, considering the beliefs that they were raised with. I feel secure and confident in my identity, crack gay jokes, and freely hit on both boys and girls.

I understand how lucky I am to have gotten to this point in my life, because I know that a lot of people around the world don’t have the same freedom. Hell, if I didn’t move to Canada at a young age, I don’t think I would be able to act the way I do, since homosexuality of any kind is outlawed in my country of origin. I will forever continue to educate people on queer related things, challenge homophobia, and stand up for the rights of other queers, both in my country and internationally. I truly hope I will live to see the day when I can visit my home country and see queer couples in public, not afraid to show their previously controversial feelings for eachother. Story by: Vanessa Patapovich, a 15 year old bisexual, Belarusian immigrant.

LGBTQ+ Illustrated Stories Project by @luisapa9 / IG: shareyourqueerie Tumblr: luisapa9.tumblr.com - Please, do not delete caption.

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ishouldprobablybewriting · 7 years ago

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Heavy Hitters- Chapter Three

Heavy Hitters: Outlaw Country pt 3

Sara convinces an old friend to join the Waverider team- as research and tech guru only, or so she said. As the newbie struggles to adjust to the team and the team struggles to adjust to her, Sara is playing a different game all together. One the new girl might not like too much.

Fandom: Legends of Tomorrow (or Flash or Arrowverse since it’s Mick Rory, but specifically LoT)

Pairing: Mick Rory x Plus Size OFC (cause Mick totally likes thick ladies)

Word Count: 1624

Tags/Warnings: Language, Cannon violence

Part one | Masterlist

A/N: Fuck yeah fight scene! (Sorry if it’s shitty) And bit more Emily. Starts out with 2x6: Outlaw Country and follows it almost word for word with the new OC of course. Still not much interaction between Emily and Mick in this one. It will happen soon I promise!! Lemme know what you think.

Micks gruff voice filled the room, “I’ll drink to that!” The men clinked their glasses and laughed loudly. A pretty brunette in the same red dress as the earlier blonde joined the two at the table, rubbing a gloved hand on Mick’s shoulder.

Turnbull gave the woman a sideways look, “Ya’ gonna have som’a that?”

Outside, Hex’s patience wanes. Sara hears his gun click behind her and looks back to see him checking and loading it. He looks at her from under his hat. “Ya’ gonna sit around while those two bend elbows?”

Sara turns on him quick, putting a firm hand on his chest. “What’re you doin’?”

“Imma Collect my bounty whether you like it or not.” He wasn’t backing down.

“Stick to the plan, Jonah.” She pushes him back a step. Emily steps up behind him, tentatively, waiting for a signal from Sara.

“Ya guy on the inside ain’t stickin’ to the plan. Why the ‘ell should I?” Hex steps around Sara and she lets him go. Sara sighs deeply looking back at Emily.

“Sara?” Amaya’s voice cracks through the comms, “What do you want me to do?”

“Brace yourself.”

Turnbull’s still laughing when Hex storms through the doors to the saloon, letting out a thunderous, “Turnbull!” It was like the saloon slowed for a few seconds; patrons gasped and stopped their partying, the piano player ends his jaunty tune abruptly, and Turnbull’s laugh dies short. He turns to face Hex.

“Well. If it ain’t the Great Jonah Hex, himself!” Turnbull laughs the last part looking at Mick. “Oooh! You got quite’a pair ta walk into my establishment like this. Ya like a cockroach- hard ta kill!”

“I’m takin’ you in,” Hex pulls his pistols and aims for Turnbull, “ Alive or dead. Your choice.”

Turnbull narrowed his eyes at Hex. “I choose… dead!” His words signaled nearly every man in the saloon to stand up and aim whatever gun they had at Hex. “Actually, Jonah, I’m glad you paid me this lit’le visit. See,” Turnbull held his revolver up, making a show of- oddly enough- emptying the chamber of every bullet it held, “I’ve been workin’ on a little somethin’. Seems that ore that I discovered, well.” The bullets he loaded into his gun had a strange black tip. “Its got special qualities.”

Turnbull slowly raised his gun and grinned as he took aim at Hex. Amaya looked on a little unsure what to do.

Turnbull’s finger slowly pulled the trigger.

Hex braced to take the bullet.

Amaya held her breath, waiting.

Mick waited for his opportunity.

And Sara burst in, whipping Turnbull’s wrist, knocking his aim off.

The bullet blurred past Hex. It hit the empty wooden wall behind Hex just as he dove to the ground.

For a deafening second, the air inside the saloon freezed hot and humid. Breath stuck in throats as blue white light explodes into black billowly smoke.

The world inside the saloon slammed back into movement. Bodies dropped to the ground. The crew burst into action.

Sara uses her whip to snatch Turnbull’s legs from under him. The man next to Mick yelps at the pain of his powerful elbow meeting smashing into his face before he drops unconscious to the floor. Ducking one punch, Sara kicks another in the throat and spins low before punching out the next outlaw in line.

Mick grabbed the rifle from an outlaw next to him, whipping him across the face with it and knocking him out. Another outlaw turns around to fight Mick but Amaya takes him out before he lands a hit. She takes his gun and slams his head into the table hard.

Amaya tosses the rifle to Mick and he cocks them both in an impressive action. The tell-tale shit-stirring grin grew on his face. “Let’s party!” He begins firing at outlaws as Amaya breaks a bottle over a man's head. A few people run up stairs and out into the street for cover hoping to escape the chaos erupting in the bar. Hex shoots one man then begins grappling with another before falling down with the man smashing his face in with his pistol. Hex gets up, realizing they’re out numbered in the crowded bar, and steps through the huge hole torn into the side of the saloon by the ore bullet. Amaya runs after him, knocking another man unconscious on her way out. Mick follows slowly, walking backwards and firing both rifles into the crowd of outlaws. “Com’on!” Mick was still riled up. He ducks out.

The three from the bar meet up with the three from the mining camp just outside the saloon. Emily met them at a crate laden wagon a few yards from the saloon. Her gaze flitting between the hole, the door and her crewmates. Her fists clenched and her teeth as she searched for Sara.

Instead all she saw was more murderous outlaws.

“Man,” Jax half joked, “Why do you guys get to have all the fun?”

“We just got back from Turnbull’s mines-” Nate looked around the barrels to take a few clean shots. “Reason for the aberration?”

“He’s digging up dwarf star.”

Turnbull saunters through the hole, raising his gun and cocks it taking haphazard aim.

Emily perks up, “Sara!”

“Go! Get back to the ship!”

The air shakes and another blue plume explodes from the cart. The team jumps back, avoiding any serious injury but not quite clear of the blast.

“Run yew yella bellied cowards!”

Nate fires at Turnbull as they slowly retreat. Turnbull returns fire blowing up another large stack of crates.

He reloads leisurely.

Henchmen fire.

Mick puts himself in the line of fire.

“Finally some excitement!”

He had that crazy look in his eye again.

Amaya shouted for him but he ignored her.

Emily had a bad feeling. She kept her eyes wide and roving trying to take in everything around her.

“An’ here I thought you and me’s was gonna be friends!”

“I don’t have friends,” Mick growled.

The knot that was not Emily’s stomach tightened. She ground her teeth to alleviate the pressure she felt in the air.

Mick pressed the triggers of both rifles down.

Click.

He tried again.

The empty click echos in Emily’s ears and her face drops.

“Fuck.”

Mick tossed the guns down but stands his ground. Turnbull scrunches up his face but aims for Mick nonetheless. It seemed to happen too slowly and too fast all at one.

Mick stood. Turnbull fired. The exploding dwarf star bullet raced. And Nate, all shiny and silver, stepped in front of Mick. In front of the gun. In front of the bullet that didn’t bounce off him like usual.

The silver drained from his face, from his hands, down his neck and wrists. He glanced down and saw red. He was bleeding. He was shot. He stumbled back. Mick caught him and began to pull him back. Amaya runs forward, panic in her voice.

“Nate?! Nate! Are you okay?”

Mick pulls him back to the flimsy cover of crates. Blood is covering Nate's hand now. “I’m made of steel, remember?” He refuses to look at his wound again.

Amaya wasn’t sure what to focus on, her eyes bouncing from Nate to Turnbull and back. “Oh- Oh my gosh.”

Turnbull, satisfied with the damage he's caused, lowers his gun as the team begins to retreat to the safety of the Waverider.

“Amaya, give them room,” Sara orders. They steal a few horses on the outside of town. Mick lifts Nate up onto one. Sara pushes Emily towards it, her eye contact deeper in meaning that simply ‘lets get back as quick as possible’. “Take care of him. “

Emily freezes for a split second. The pathetic deathly groan that slips from Nate’s lips quash any argument she had. She carefully swings her legs up and over the horse, maneuvering herself behind Nate and pull him back so his back is reclined against her chest. Gathering the reins in one hand and pressing the other firmly to his still bleeding wound, Emily nods and kicks the horse into a fast pace.

“Will he be okay?”

“They’ll meet us there,” Sara meets Amaya’s eyes again.

“I meant with her.”

“I trust her. You will, too. Now lets go.”

The Waverider was a ways out still. They had been riding hard for nearly 20 minutes and Nate was beginning to cough hard. Emily slowed the horse to give his body some reprieve but kept pressing forward. That is until, he coughed up blood.

Her mind raced as she slowed the horse to a walk.

“No, it's okay. I can handle it. Just a little blood. And I’m made of steel.”

“Shut up, okay?”

“I’m made of steel. I’m Commander Steel.” His voice was getting weaker and weaker.

She sighed. “Okay. Okay, Commander. I’ve got a trick. I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I need this to be our little secret, okay?”

He babbled something softly. Emily took it as confirmation.

She took a deep breath and pressed his body against hers. “Focus, Commander. Breathe with me.”

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

In.

Dramatic and deep, eventually, Nate’s breath matched hers. “Good,” she cooed.

Slowly she pulled Nate’s limp hand from his chest and replaced it with hers. Her palm flat and firm over the bullet hole, began to warm and gave a subtle glow. Nate’s head lulled onto her shoulder as he passed out.

“Good, you’re going good, Commander.”

The bleeding stopped, as did the glowing. But the warmth stayed and so did her hand. She got the horse moving again and rushed the rest of the distance to the ship.

This was going to take some explaining.

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doctormead · 7 years ago

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Death of a Conservative

I was born in June of 1974. Two months later, Richard Nixon resigned from the Presidency. The Cold War was in its final stages and would end before I graduated high school. But its shadow defined my upbringing.

I was raised in a Evangelical Christian, conservative, Republican home. And that is what I was raised to be: a Christian, an Evangelical, a conservative and a Republican. I was never actually told that you couldn’t be a good Christian and be a Democrat. In fact, I was explicitly told the opposite…but there was this underlying attitude in everything every adult around me said and did that said otherwise. I’m pretty sure that the adults in my life didn’t mean to come across this way, but this was the “logic train” that I absorbed over time.

Here’s where the U.S.S.R.’s cold shadow crept in. Russia was the boogieman for every churched kid in those days. We were fed horror stories about religious oppression in the Soviet Union and inspiring sagas about good Christian people who held onto their faith in spite of the danger. We were given pamphlets and Christian comic books about heroes who smuggled bibles behind the Iron Curtain. We were told over and over that the Russians wanted to do that to everyone, and that the U.S. was the bulwark that kept them from grinding all of us under the heel of state-established atheism.

And, if that wasn’t bad enough, Russia wanted to impose its economic system on us. “Socialism” and “Communism” were words to conjure demons by. We heard tale after tale of how poor the Russian people were because of prices fixed by the state. How nobody was motivated to do their best because there was no way to really advance. That the lack of competition kept everything stagnant and miserable. Then Capitalism was set up as the Aslan to Communism’s Tash. Capitalism was why things were so much better in America! Capitalism provides competition and incentive for people to get off their asses and work hard. This creates better, cheaper products which makes everything better for everyone!

This was the dichotomy I grew up. Russia/Communism = evil. America/Capitalism = good. Enter the liberals in general and the Democrats in particular. They weren’t “tough” on the Russians. Worse, they wanted to erode good Christian institutions like prayer in schools which would put us on the “slippery slope” (yes, that logical fallacy got a lot of play in school time lectures and political discussions around me ) toward outlawing Christianity outright. This made them foolish dupes at best and collaborators at worst. And, since no good Christian would stand by while the Evil U.S.S.R. and their liberal sympathizers in the U.S. pushed us down the road toward atheistic totalitarianism, you couldn’t REALLY be a good Christian and be a democrat. Simplistic, I know, but I was a kid and, for an embarrassingly long time, even into my adult years, I held on to that simplicity even if it was only in the back of my mind. To paraphrase John Fischer, this was something that I wasn’t so much taught as something that I “caught”.

But, as I got older, cracks started to appear in the facade of “Righteous Capitalist America”. The benefits of the sweeping, upper level tax cuts and the repealing of economy-shackling regulations that were supposed to “trickle down” to everyone never seemed to reach us. Looking back, we were doing pretty well, but I remember mom and dad seeming to constantly worry about finances. Costs of living kept going up while wages were stagnating for the middle and lower class. As corporations merged into virtual (and sometimes literal) monopolies, I learned that Capitalism doesn’t guarantee competition. It is “good business” to eliminate your competition from the viewpoint of a corporate overlord. Thus an in-theory “free market” can become just as locked in and stagnant as any State run economy. This made it easier for hard-working people to fall into financial trouble and cutting of social safety nets in the name of “fiscal responsibility” and “not encouraging freeloaders” made it harder and harder to climb out of that trouble. And the continual gutting of public education only exacerbated matters.

I slowly grew away from the Republican Party, because, well, they weren’t living up to their hype. Take the War on Drugs. You’d think we’d have learned something from Prohibition. Yeah, they “got tough” on drugs with the “three strikes you’re out” policy and militarizing the police to a fare-the-well. All they actually did was explode the prison population and didn’t really make a significant dent in drug trafficking and use. Drug use is the same between white and black people, but black people are disproportionately arrested and convicted which exacerbates the issue of poverty in that demographic as families lose providers and young people get a black mark on their records that will bar them from many opportunities for the rest of their lives. At the same time, they advocated (and followed through) with cutting assistance programs for inner cities and other impoverished areas, making drug dealing one of the few available means for having an income that is above subsistence level…and the cycle continues. (And, then in the last year, I learn that the War on Drugs was pretty much started by Nixon to target his political opponents: i.e. liberals and African Americans. And this isn’t “fake news”. One of his aides confessed to this.) Then there were the incessant wars overseas (granted with strong support from Democrats in many cases) which, in the long run, only seemed to exacerbate the problems they claimed to be solving. There was also the outright hostility to science. I admit, I was a climate change denier to begin with, but then the evidence finally piled up to a point where I couldn’t deny it any longer and remain intellectually honest with myself. Also, the stifling of research into areas that might hurt their platform (for example, preventing the CDC from even starting to research gun violence/fatalities). The party was gradually adopting a stance that facts should be discounted and ignored when they are inconvenient. Then, to put the cherry on the top of this toxic sundae, there was the courtship of racism When hordes of angry, white southerners left the Democratic party over the party changing to support the Civil Rights Movement, the Republican party tried to bring them into their fold to bolster their voter support. It was subtle. So very, very subtle at first. The used “dogwhistles” instead of obviously racist statements and/or policies to let them know they’d be welcome. And, as they took root in the “Party of Lincoln”, they started throwing their weight around becoming more and more openly racist. It finally came to a head for me half-way through Obama’s first term, when Republicans flat out refused to even try to work with the President or the people across the aisle. Their entire policy was “obstruct everything”. The Republican party no longer represented my ideals…if it ever in fact did. After that, I no longer considered myself Republican or conservative. I was an independent with increasingly “leftist” leanings.

I still considered myself an Evangelical Christian but “cracks” were starting to appear there as well. Evangelical Christianity was the vanguard of conservatism and the Republican Party. They led the charge against the “moral erosion” of our society. As I got older I and got to know more people outside of the Evangelical bubble, I became more and more uneasy. Many of the things that were being railed against by Evangelicals and the Moral Majority were…simply applying the rights of the 1st Amendment to everyone. Prayer in schools? Unless you’re going to give a service for every religion represented in that school, it’s not fair to people who aren’t Christian. And, even if you could do that, it singles out members of minority religions to be picked on (and, if you think minority religions wouldn’t be picked on in school, you haven’t been paying attention). You can make it “all right” in the rules for people to abstain from the opening prayer, but see what I write before about minorities being picked on. When I was in undergrad at Bryan College, there was a program where our students would go to the local grade school to teach bible lessons in their classes. I’m pretty sure they only got away with it for as long as they did because Dayton, TN was pretty insular. Looking back, I cringe at the idea. Yeah, kids weren’t “required” to attend the lessons, but the lessons were held in each of the homerooms. It would be painfully obvious if you left and…minorities being picked on, etcetera etcetera. Gay marriage? Folks, homosexuality isn’t forbidden in all religions (and certainly not in any atheist or agnostic creed I know). If you’re going to have a religious/legal hybrid of an institution in the first place, you have to let it be applied across all faiths or lack thereof across the board to be in sync with the idea of Religious Freedom. I kept hearing respected voices in the church rail against Islam and the stifling theocracies its followers created…but, from the way they talked about other issues, they seemed to be longing for a Christian version of Sharia law: a theocracy where the outward behavior of one sect of Christianity was enforced by the government.

Then there was Evangelical Christianity’s increasing lack of compassion for the poor in our country. Oh, Evangelicals had tons of compassion (and open wallets) for poor people as long as they were overseas, but, if you were poor in America, you were out of luck. The attitude seemed to be that it wasn’t the fault of people overseas if they were poor. After all, they didn’t have all the advantages of living in America - the land of opportunity. But poor people in the U.S.? Well, if they can’t bootstrap themselves up like the American Dream says, it’s their fault. They’re too lazy or irresponsible or “not right with God”. I overheard or participated in many discussions about kids growing up expecting to draw a check like momma or single mothers having baby after baby just so they could get a bigger welfare check. I’m sure that some people abuse the system. Some people always find a way to abuse systems, but it became increasingly hard to believe that so many did that it negated the good such safety nets do. I’ve gotten to meet and get to know some people who had come out of a background like that and they were nothing like the “entitled, lazy welfare-queen” of the stories. At the worst, the poor became scapegoats for the failure of “trickle down” economics. If those leeches weren’t being supported by the rest of us, we’d have much more money, or so went the logic. I heard several people advocate for getting rid of the welfare system entirely and “let churches and private charities take over that job”. The thing was, churches and private charities were around when these programs were set up. If they were doing such a good job of it, government wouldn’t have had to start them. Quite frankly, I didn’t see these advocates for private and church based welfare giving anywhere near enough to the local poor to make the governmental programs redundant. And the racial component of this kept getting more and more pronounced. The “welfare queens” were increasingly cast as black or Latina. Stagnant wages were the fault of all those illegal immigrants who would take pennies for hours of work. The lack of well paying jobs in your area was because they were given to less qualified minorities to meet “racial quotas”.

And, finally, there was the demonization of the “other”. People who didn’t agree with us weren’t just mistaken. They became “The Enemy”, and somehow Jesus’ admonition to “love your enemy” didn’t apply to them. They weren’t to be listened to. They weren’t even to be tolerated. They were to be shouted down and attacked. Grace? Who has time for grace?! There’s a war on, so get down to the battlefield and hold the line at all costs!

Now, I hear you Evangelicals out there objecting to this. “We’re not all like that!” you say. I know, but THIS is the public face of Evangelicalism. “That’s not fair!” you say. “The liberal media just focuses on that minority!” Folks, I know that argument. I’ve MADE that argument for years to my friends outside the Evangelical bubble. Over and over again and, after a while, it began to ring increasingly hollow. I could SEE what was going on inside Evangelical churches. I could hear what my fellow Evangelical Christians were saying and “liberal slant” couldn’t excuse all of that. And, quite frankly, this last election year was the nail in the coffin for me because Evangelical Christianity (mainly WHITE Evangelical Christianity) as a whole showed its true colors for all the world to see. Evangelicals were a major help in putting a mysogynistic, bigoted, entitled bully in the White House. Numbers vary, but the figures I find most likely are 58% for Evangelicals as a whole and 80% for white Evangelicals. Let me say that again. Of the people who identified as Evangelical who turned out for the 2016 Presidential Election, over half of them voted for Trump and a particular subset had over three quarters vote for the Orange Anti-Beatitude. Even if a large population of the Evangelical community stayed home, that’s a pretty damning percentage and no amount of yelling that liberal media is doing a smear job can overcome it. And Trump *still* has strong Evangelical support! I could forgive what happened on election night if it wasn’t for the fact that the majority of white Evangelical Christians still seem to support him in spite of everything he’s done and all the lies he’s been caught out in. Top Evangelical voices like James Dobson, Jerry Falwell and Franklin Graham still staunchly support him in spite of the fact that he is the opposite of what they’ve been saying a Christian leader should be for years and years. And, you know what? I don’t care why they’re doing so. Because I’m out.

I am a Christian, and it is because of that that I can no longer consider myself an Evangelical. There are no doubt pockets in the Evangelical movement that haven’t been corrupted, but, when the rot is THIS far spread, I don’t see how I can do otherwise. If Jesus and the current Evangelical movement are in conflict, then I must go with Jesus. A huge chunk of Evangelicalism has sold its birthright of grace for a mess of political pottage. And, let me give you a word of warning, Evangelicals. I came to Christ in the age of Billy Graham, a man of grace. If my introduction to Christianity was Franklin Graham and his ilk, I’d have run far, far away. There is far too little of Christ in the lives of these Christians. Think about that. If I was growing up and seeking truth in this day and age, I strongly suspect that I would reject Christianity due to the hateful behavior of His servants. Think about all the young people who ARE looking for truth in this day and age…and how you’re driving them away.

#politics #progressivism

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joneswilliam72 · 6 years ago

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Meet Sub Pop's new signing Orville Peck, the masked cowboy making Outlaw Country with a cinematic scope

When Sub Pop announced the signing of outlaw country crooner Orville Peck along with the unveiling of his arcane first single ‘Big Sky’ in early December, I was immediately hooked. It is easy to gravitate to the obvious—a cowboy image and identity veiled by an obscure, fringed eye mask. But there is far more behind Peck’s mystifying essence. In fact, before signing with an immensely influential label like Sub Pop, Peck had never released an album nor an EP, and of course—there’s the seductive allure of the music itself—both of which are substantial enough reasons to keep an eye on this rising talent.

When listening to the mysterious nomad’s recently announced debut album Pony (out March 22nd), it is clear the dusty roots of country music flows heavily through Peck’s bloodstream. Adopting and expanding upon an outlaw demeanor best illustrated by the likes of Willie Nelson, Loretta Lynn and Waylon Jennings decades ago and more recently, Sturgill Simpson, Peck renders the timeless genre with otherness.

Though the masked singer-songwriter pays homage to the greats, Peck distinguishes himself by imbuing the deeply-rooted sound with emotional dissonance, shadowy flares of shoegaze-y guitars, cinematic crescendos and vocals that combine the love-sickness of Roy Orbison with the menacing gravel of Johnny Cash. Although desolate badlands are a mere mirage of yesteryear and continue to give way to concrete jungles, the wild west throbs within the shrouded nomad’s heart, and his art—music, outfit, live performances and all—is an earnest reflection of this sentiment.

In an attempt to get beneath the mask and inside his fascinating headspace, I spoke to the 10-gallon hat-wearing cowboy to discuss his debut album, where he places his identity and what it means to be a cowboy in the 21st century.

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In other interviews you revealed yourself to be like the sort of like mysterious nomad. You stated that you hail from many places, including five different countries and that you really don't like to settle anywhere for too long. So what is it about settling in one place that unnerves you?

I moved around a lot when I was young and I've been traveling a lot since, and then throughout my young adult years, I played in bands and was always constantly on tour. So I think overall, I live with a pretty healthy amount of anxiety and sitting in one place makes me feel nervous. I think it's a compulsion at this point—sometimes I battle with myself—wondering if I am just trying avoid settling down. But for the most part, I think of this as a positive thing because I've been to so many places, lived in so many places and met so many different people. It has really enriched my life as an artist and as a person.

Has moving around your entire life made you readily adaptable to any setting you immerse yourself into?

I think the older I've become, something I've noticed about myself that's a pretty strong quality is being able to kind of navigate different kinds of people, and that just comes from the numerous places I've been and lived. Exposure is an interesting tool that helps you open up, learn a lot about other people and in turn, allows you to learn a lot about yourself.

Aside from the music that you have consumed in your lifetime, are there any pieces of literature, movies, fashion designers or anything of that nature that have influenced the way that you express yourself through your own art?

A lot of what has built Orville is definitely drawn from more than just the music in my life. I grew up in a household where we learned about various art forms—cinema and all different types of music. I'm a huge fan of film. I really like David Lynch, [Alejandro] Jodorowsky and Gus Van Sant. At the same time, I also love old movie musicals from the ‘40s, ‘50s and ‘60s. I don't read as much now as I would like to, but I come from a family that read a lot, so I've read many, many books when I was young. I'm a fan of fashion as in style, I just don't really care about the fashion world per se. I was in it for a moment when I was younger, but I think especially in this day and age, a lot of it's complete bullshit.

I'm glad you mentioned David Lynch as an influence because not only does the album portend a noir-like atmosphere, but the two music videos you've released thus far for ‘Big Sky’ and ‘Dead of Night’ are pretty surreal. I can't really place my finger on what either video means, but the Lynchian influence is evident.

The kind of aesthetic I like for cinema, and I suppose art overall, tends to lean more surreal. But as much as I love something like Lynch or anything considered "Art House Cinema," I also really enjoy garbage Hollywood shit [Laughs]. While there are obvious reference points that people can pick up on in my music videos that are Lynchian and so forth, there are a lot of pedestrian references scattered throughout my record too. They just aren't as current and people might not catch them. I'm also a huge fan of John Waters. What I love about him is that he's a perfect example of someone who's inspired by the funny, the mundane and the things in life that aren't necessarily weird, but become weird and obscure in the end.

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If there was a film that reflected your music or vice versa, a western would not do your music justice, however, some weird John Waters or Lynch film certainly would. What is so appealing to you about country music and what albums or artists initially drew you to the genre?

I've been listening to all kinds of music since I was very little. I know people like to say that, but I come from a very eclectic music background. Country music has always really stuck to my heart. I do like contemporary country from the '90s, but not so much these days. The kind of country I've always been really drawn to is "outlaw country," like Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson, and then of course the female equivalent— Dolly Parton and Loretta Lynn.

Country music has this very theatrical element it and I love how it can be very robust with storytelling. It is essentially just folk music if we consider "folk" in its truest sense, which is all about telling a story. Even though some of the tracks on the album stray a bit from the country sound and have other influences, I wanted each track to capture real situations from my past and from my current life by emphasizing the traditional country music way of telling a story. I think that's why country music really resonates with people, because even if the story is slightly different, I think it'll eventually connect with a lot of people.

I like how you used the word theatrical to describe some country music. I feel like your song ‘Hope To Die’ really captures that as it gradually crescendos into this very cinematic explosion.

When I'm in the studio, I feel like I'm a very visual person. So when I'm trying to get a mood across, I want that song to be exactly like you said— "cinematic." [The track] ‘Hope To Die’ is a perfect example of this, where I envisioned this scene where everything is in slow motion. I find it more helpful to look at music through this visual lens first and foremost, because I can assess the mood and what emotions a song is going to evoke in other people. I'm glad you picked up on that because I definitely try approach music with that mindset.

Let's dive into the album's content a bit more, what is the significance behind the record's title, Pony?

Well for me, Pony has a lot of different connotations regarding country music. To me, it has a gay connotation. It has a sad, lonely connotation. It has a has a connection to something that like a 16-year-old girl wants for her birthday, but it also has a connection to something a cowboy has a take out back and put down [Laughs]. It has a lot of different layers and just made sense for the album.

Can you take us behind the decision of releasing a ‘Big Sky’ as the "Introduction" of Orville Peck to the world?

I got asked a question awhile back; if there was biography being made about me, what would I want it to be called? I said ‘Big Sky’ because I think that song and maybe ‘Dead of Night’ probably sum up who Orville is and the big themes within Pony. I think ‘Big Sky’ speaks a lot about regret and the inability to sit still, not really understanding why we react to things the way we do. It even speaks to the absence of feeling something we think we should be feeling.

Yeah, it seems as if ‘Big Sky’ serves as some sort of a launching pad into who you are without completely revealing who you are.

’Big Sky’ is a very, very personal song to me because it discusses tumultuous, failed relationships of mine, and then me moving on from those relationships. It doesn't seem like a typical first single because it's obviously very much a ballad and is very stripped down. But I think that track is kind of a good 101 to what Orville Peck is about.

Now, I’d like talk a little more about Outlaw Country. You don't really hear it anymore and It's no secret that its rebellious nature of has been kind of compromised for pop leaning radio hits, especially within the last decade. That being said, what would you say is missing in today's popular realm of country music?

Definitely. However, as much of a fan of Merle Haggard, I can also get behind listening to [Carrie Underwood's] ‘Before He Cheats’ [Laughs]. I do enjoy a lot of pop country, like I'm a big fan of Kacey Musgraves who's obviously very popular right now, winning CMA's and stuff. But it is very interesting with someone like her, because she is bringing this new rebellion to mainstream, huge label country radio. This whole idea of her singing about smoking weed or like getting her nose pierced is pretty rebellious for mainstream country [Laughs].

Artists like Musgraves are starting to kind of open up something new, even though she seems to be this all-American white girl. But I think for me, what I find missing in country music today, is that it just doesn't feel very country anymore. It just feels like people singing pop music with a Texan accent [Laughs]. Don't get me wrong, I do love pop music and I have a lot of respect for pop music. I just think a lot of today's popular country music doesn't feel very—country.

People frequently ask me the whole "why do I make this kind of country music?" question, and I just don't know why someone wouldn't want to. I love the sound of banjos, slide guitar and I think those sounds complete the fantasy of what country music is, without them the story is incomplete. Because those elements are often missing, I'm left to make up for it.

You mention elements like banjo and slide guitar, which were elements made synonymous with outlaw country. Would you say that your music is reviving or reliving that country outlaw attitude from long ago?

Probably both. I'm not the only person doing it. People like telling me that it's something very new and has never been done before. But I’ve simply taken elements of different genres and specific musicians that have inspired me and put them into one big cattle [Laughs].

Again, there's something about old country music that's really ultra-personal. Whether that be of my past, things I've done and things I've experienced, I would hope my music is just as exposing. I think that vulnerability and rawness is also missing from a lot of country music these days. If you look at older singers like Loretta Lynn and Patsy Cline, those women were singing about pretty crazy shit, especially for the time—referencing things like mental illness and alcoholism. I think the content used to be a lot more significant, which is why I really tried to make this album personal—so that it resonates with other people. I think the more personal a story is, the more it will resonate.

You mention how very personal and revealing country music should be, yet there's seems to be a darker flare to Pony that even surpasses the essence like outlaw country. That being said, would you, to an extent say there's a bit of goth-country to this collection of songs?

That’s a fair assessment. I'm a big fan of like ‘80s, goth-y synth bands. I grew up playing in a lot of punk bands, which brings in a tongue-in-cheek element to the album, but underneath it all, my music comes from somewhere pretty damaged. I really love artists like Nick Cave and Patti Smith, who both probably influenced Pony and pushed it over the edge of just g-rated country.

I would like to dive into the story and significance—if any—behind your leather-and-fringe eye-mask without revealing too much of your true identity.

There's not a huge amount of significance and symbolism. Hmm, maybe that's not quite true, because it's not that I don't want people to know, I just think the fringed references are obvious enough for people to kind of piece it together themselves and understand, which may be more rewarding than just reading it. So I think I'll probably pass on revealing too much [Laughs], because I just don't want to take that away from someone who wants to know.

I think I may have any idea behind the imagery of the mask, but I think I enjoy not really knowing for sure, myself.

I will say, the look of it is based off two or three obvious references that I think people could figure it out.

I know you don't want to necessarily discuss into the significance of the look of the mask itself, but I did notice that each of the two videos that have been released for ‘Big Sky’ and ‘Dead of Night’, you're wearing two variations of the same mask—one of black and one white. Was it intentional to include both variations?

I just like to include different ones. There are about 14 different masks now. In fact, I just made one with all chains. When I perform live I usually try to rotate them in and out to keep it interesting. There are a few I haven't worn yet because I can't really play the guitar with while wearing them [Laughs]. There's even one that's hangs almost down to my feet.

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Will you ever reveal your true identity or is it essential to like the mystique of your sound?

It's funny, because the mask seems to be this weird, mysterious phenomenon and people think I'm like dead set on holding something back. I see the mask as part of me... people always ask me what I'm trying to hide, but I'm not necessarily trying to construct any type of mystery or allure—it just goes with the story of who Orville Peck is.

It's interesting, because after my live shows, people bring up the mask and I'm like "Oh yeah, the mask!" I really do forget that I'm wearing [the mask] sometimes. I guess it's not a real point of interest to me. I think when people first see me performing with it, they tend to think it's maybe some shtick or costume piece. Of course, in some ways it is, but as the show goes on, people eventually forget about the mask and that I'm wearing these quote, unquote "crazy outfits."

I'm a firm believer that masks don't actually hide anything at all. Masks actually expose a lot—and in this case—allows people to connect way more with me than If I wasn't wearing the mask. Wearing it lets me stay honest and not hold anything back, if that makes sense. If anything my masks are actually way more exposing than anything.

I guess I never really considered the concept of masks in that way. So, when you're covering yourself like that, you can be who you are, who you want to be without any fear of judgment almost.

Exactly!

When you aren't wearing the mask, does anyone ever recognize you as Orville Peck?

Nope.

Are there any plans of maybe selling variations of your mask as merchandise so people can wear them to your shows?

Hmm, nope [Laughs].

Has there ever been any worry that maybe your image will overshadow or distract listeners from the music itself?

I don't necessarily think that everything has to be theatrical or always has to be over the top and that people have to be wearing these crazy costumes. But there have been many times where I'll go out to see a band and I'm let down because I just don't see a fully realized effort or show a lot of times. Sometimes I'll go see a show and I'll be like, "oh, you know, the music is right and I see your references," but then I just want people to go a step further from whatever it is they are doing.

I guess if your aesthetic is like wearing jeans and a tee shirt and you play in like Oasis or whatever, then that's great, that's fine. I don't think everyone has to be wearing an Orville Peck mask, but if you look at a band like Oasis—who I'm actually a big fan of—they created an entire cult-like following solely based on their shitty personalities [Laughs]. However, it does go without saying that I'm glad my music holds up on its own, regardless of the outfit.

I think if someone listened to an Orville Peck song before they even saw the mask, the cowboy hat or any of that stuff—I feel that my music could stand alone. To me, the outfit and the show is an added bonus. If I'm [performing] a song and then look out to the crowd, there should be some vibe where you can really sink your teeth into.

Even with a lot of great bands, their performances can be underwhelming. The music could sound great, but then it just stops there—the experience often leaves out that "show" element.

I'm seriously considering adding a scent to my performance [Laughs]. I think shows need to be a full experience, however that may look. I'm someone who appreciates going out to a show and being left to pick my jaw up off the floor because of something that was fully performed. I'm not interested in... doing something halfway—it's 100 percent or nothing. No matter the genre of music or whatever it is you do, it's clear when something hasn't been given 100 percent.

When you come do a show in L.A., I'm expecting some incense burned during your performance.

[Laughs] We're going to get some horses in there too.

Considering that country's music identity has been traditionally and culturally monolithic with its stereotypical pieces of Americana, like the pickup truck, the high school sweetheart, the bottle and the gun, etc; what does it mean to create country music as an LGBTQ artist?

I still think my music has everything to do with the things you mentioned and maybe even more. My aesthetic in general involves the pickup truck, the high school sweetheart and those type of things, but the exciting part is taking all those elements and not necessarily reinventing them or trying to turn them on their head. Actually respecting and admiring those things allows us then to just do it our way.

Sometimes people expect that when they're going to talk to me about country music that I'm not going to be into like mainstream country or I'm not going to be into this or that. I have such a huge love for country music and so I don't see myself as someone from the outside coming in and stirring it up. I feel in my heart, I am already a part of that and I'm just doing it my way. I love everything stereotypical about Americana, country, all that stuff. So to me—however I identify—country music is just a part of who I am—they aren't separate to me.

What does it mean to be a cowboy in the 21st century?

[Sigh] Well, It's a lot of anxiety [laughs]. I think I've been one all my life, so being a cowboy doesn't necessarily mean having a hat or horse. I'd say a lot of us are cowboys, especially in this moment. Being a cowboy in the 21st century has a lot to do with remembering yourself and also forgiving yourself.

As someone who has always felt a bit like an outsider to everything, I feel like cowboys are kind of like the reluctant hero to a story, which is something I definitely relate to because I have a very dichotomous personality. On one end, I love freedom, the adventure that comes with being able to travel a lot and not needing to conform to sitting at a desk. At the exact same time, I struggle with finding normalcy and never really feeling security—it's a constant battle in my head and is actually what the song ‘Turn To Hate’ is about.

With being a cowboy or having the spirit of a cowboy, it's becoming harder and harder in this day and age to find things to believe in and anchor ourselves to. At least for me, I find myself easily getting jaded, which is why I sing in the song "Don't let my sorrow turn to hate." As I navigate other people and navigate my own emotions, I have to make sure that resentment doesn't build within me. So in that sense, I know a lot of cowboys. I think in all of us, there is a spirit of solitude and just packing up and running off into the sunset, which seems like an easier option than having to deal with the shit that's going on around us right now.

Who would you say is the model cowboy?

Hmm, I have a couple in mind. It sounds so cliché, but I feel like James Dean was very much a cowboy-spirit figure. Aside from the characters he played in film, I think in real life he exemplified the dilemma of having this drifter spirit and trying to kind of make that fit in the world around him, especially in the industry that Hollywood was and is.

With a lot of people I really respect in popular culture, a lot of them are not typical cowboys with a hat and horse. Someone like Nina Simone was pretty incredible. She was like a really crazy cowboy who even had a gun, so she fits the mold perfectly [Laughs]. But she was also somebody who by nature, was forced to live as an outsider. Given the day and age she lived, she was such an incredibly poignant woman who wasn't afraid to sing and speak her mind. I think she definitely lived her life as a cowboy.

Even with the little background information regarding who Orville Peck is, what do you hope listeners are able to take away from your music?

My focus with this album was telling stories about me. So, I just really hope people will listen and relate to some of them.

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Orville Peck’s debut album Pony comes out via Sub Pop on March 22nd.

from The 405 http://bit.ly/2UcEeK7

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new-moon-tea · 6 years ago

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Call me crazy, but we would not instantly kill off 1/3 of our population

Call me crazy, but I don’t think we’re going to kill ⅓ of our population out of racist panic.

Here’s why. Now hear me out, this might not make sense as I type these words out so brace yourself...I don’t see modern humanity capable of mercilessly slaughtering our brothers, sisters, mothers, etc. just because we suddenly have extra appendages. Do we kill babies born with tails? No? Then why would we kill humans with wings? “Oh we have a long history of-” Oh shut up. Trump tried separating families in this modern era, what happened? Did we just go “well not our problem”? NO! We rebelled! We are working to fix his awful mistake, but we’re not getting into politics yet, now let me continue. “Well human nature is--” okay, do you have the desire to kill any winged person you see? No? THEN WHY WOULD THE REST OF US?! A low-hanging argument would be (please read in a snobby and obnoxious voice) “Well I wouldn’t harm a child or kill another person, but other people have”. And you’re right. People have.

But we change. We grow. We learn from things like slavery and the Holocaust, we change to try and keep the world better, safer, more accepting, to end the injustice. Humanity also had a history of objectifying women so much we were bartered like cattle, and oppressed for decades, thousands of years even, BUT WE DON’T ANYMORE! Yes there are still countries that segregate, that oppress, that are riddled with intolerance, but we are changing. We are growing. We as women can wear tiny booty shorts when before we wouldn’t be caught dead exposing ankles. Some may try to restore or keep these horrid dated beliefs alive, but we together, we the majority, say no. We say change. And we do. We have. We will change.

We would not kill ⅓ of our population just because of wings.

I’m painfully optimistic, I am aware. And I will admit, someone will. Some people will. We still have Neo-Nazis and racists, sexist folk in high offices grabbing women by the pussy, racist people trying to cover up mistakes like, say, ripping families apart because of ignorant immigrant policies. Yeah fight me if you’re in disagreement with my political opinions, everyone has their two cents, a hat to throw in the ring. The point is I’m not blind. I know people will try to kill them, some people might try to form cults to outlaw them, or hold them to some religious standard, praise them as angels or scorn them as demons, but not all. Lazy math shows me 6% of US citizens support Neo-Nazis. Compared to 94% who don’t, and 33% who now have wings mingled into both numbers… I just don’t see it happening. I can’t fathom us just saying “oh well, better to get rid of them now.” Because there’s not enough, 6% isn’t enough to take out 33% let alone those in the 94% without wings who will rally around their family members and friends. If we have states legalizing homosexual marriages, 4.5% of our US population by the way is LGBTQ [as of 2017, lazy research mind you], we can surely accommodate these 33% winged folk. If we fight for the rights of people with disabilities, 12% based on my first-result-on-google research, WE CAN ACCEPT WINGED FOLK. In the past we didn’t, in the past LGBTQ was wrong and sin, in today some people do but we, the majority, DO NOT. Some in our majority may still be rude, ignorant of the struggles and challenges life throws at you if you happen to be different in any way, but we still try. We still fight for what’s right. Don’t you? Even if you’re reading this, furious and only continuing to plot out your perfect angry message to me, there’s something you believe in, even if it’s the minority. Like earth being flat or being a neo-Nazi yourself. You have something, no matter how looked down upon, you support. Not condoning Neo-Nazis or racism or sexism or anything else outdated and wrong on multiple levels, just trying to make a very poorly written passionate argument as to why we would not kill ⅓ of our own population for this. Why am I so passionate about this?

Because I’m tired of it. I’m tired of bringing up this hypothetical and hearing “we’d kill them”, or even (yes seriously) “we’d breed and kill them”. Some people will try. They will be put down, punished, held to our law, and we’d create new laws to protect them. I think there will be massacres, like ones we see in the news already. There will be cults and panicked violent reactions, but not permanently. That’s the boring part of this conversation I’m trying to explain to you what would change. What would be different, new, how we’d improve, not how we’d linger on how undeveloped humans acted centuries ago. Not how we acted in the 1800’s. Not how we’d return to the 50’s. I’m not someone who believes that’s even a legitimate concern. If you believe so, I beg and encourage you to write about it. Say why I’m wrong, I’m not looking for a fight, the point of what I’m doing is to get you thinking, to think outside the box. Besides, there’s way more interesting things to consider, like caging in the preschoolers. Or how we’d even begin to regulate this whole wings thing.

But this topic isn’t over yet. I mentioned briefly something along the lines of how we’d “breed and kill” winged folk. Red, the friend mentioned previously, explained our species evolved by breeding and killing other early humans, like neanderthals. I don’t quite understand that logic, why we’d continue doing things that early humans did when we’ve evolved to a point that most of us would be disgusted at the mere thought of breeding and killing other people. Some of us out there are disgusted at the thought of eating other living creatures and even the products derived from living creatures! Most of us are physically disgusted and even avoid talking about the subject of rape, which is what he implied. I fail to see the logic of “well primitive humans did it so us, evolved, advanced species will do the same thing our ancestors did.” I know I sound crazy, I know I’m not using delicate language or talking with dignity but this is my genuine reaction. I know I am overwhelmingly degrading with the way I’m speaking so again let me welcome you to respond, argue with me, tell me my flaws because I will gladly fix any offensive behavior or arrogant wording I give.

Even now I find updates, on a post I made on Facebook, claiming it’s just wishful thinking, referencing works like Lord of the Flies and I’d like to point out that this is a work of fiction and a wonderful commentary on human nature and being human. That’s what this project aims to achieve! What if someone had something good to say about humanity? An adult who hasn’t grown up, give up, play along for once and solve this empty problem. It’s way too easy to brush me off with a “genocide” or “cults” or “slaughter and racism and fear” but why? Don’t we get enough of that in the real world? Just relax, have fun, be imaginative, and stop sulking around moping about how terrible people are. Fix what you see wrong in society if you think it’s so horrid and murderous and lethal. And for the record, I argued with Red for a while before sulking myself. I grew frustrated as I couldn’t get “a man of science” to understand my thinking and logic and just gave up for a few hours. But I went back. I returned. All I said was, still mulling over things even after my writing blurb yesterday, “Would people with wings need a license to fly?” and then, I think he understood. He goes on and on, “we’d need a new amendment”, “how would we even word it?”, “obviously people would-” and he was thinking like a true...Goose! Let’s call me Goose.

Red and Goose understood together now, as they mulled over how laws would change to accommodate winged folk, and he proposed serious new ideas about this. Ideas about laws needed, comparing them to laws we have now for things we need laws about. Red, he became just as passionate, even forgetting he was talking to Goose, the girl who knew as much as she could think about the winged folk as he continues on. Even some on Facebook tumble away from genocide and speculate about bathroom issues, then doubting themselves how alike winged folk would be to birds. Goose reads along, realizing now there were funnier answers at first. Goose argued with one who said “Red Bull would immediately go out of business because of their advertising campaign”. To which Goose replied, “Or double in sales, along the lines of ‘see? We told you!’ and another so-and-so commented how cool it’d be as long as she was someone with wings. I, a true Goose, remember that another friend we’ll call Gray, said once he hated characters who’s deal was centered around birth and being rejected due to race. I’m sure you understand a lot about Gray from this sentence, but I wonder if he’d say the same thing in this scenario?

Would he understand like Goose that this change would affect more curious things? Even if they have different ways of thinking they could both draw to the same conclusion. There’s also the chance he may be pessimistic as well and argue genocide, to which I personally guarantee the one person reading this, that I will scold him for an hour to explain why I’m right. Not because I’m stubborn of course, because I’m obnoxious. There’s more interesting and thought-provoking things to create with this concept, like how the postal office adapts and how our government would need to change. I’ll prove it to you.

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