#yeah extremely unwell
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#the spirealm#xia zhiguang#huang junjie#feeling unwell#about how vulnerable lanzhu was here#also that look in his eyes?#and when lingling fed him the litchi?#yeah extremely unwell#i'm this close to opening ps to start giffing again
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That new Undertale newsletter has me feeling very normal today.
#I'm normal about it. in case you were wondering. super normal. what? yeah no i'm like. extremely normal about it.#well. perhaps I am feeling a little unwell. emotions jumpscare!! ahahahaha oughhhh#i really like the little gif of toriel at the beginning though#things i say
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I realize I haven't drawn these two interacting with each other DIRECTLY in years even though their mutual hate is the ONE piece of lore that hasn't been changed or edited in any way and used to be Ella's only lore for eons.
#lizard's art#creepypasta#laughing jack#laughing jack rewrite#ella greenwood#creepypasta oc#didn't draw it for the longest time bc I went to therapy and. Yeah I've explained it before lmao#however now I know how to draw these two for upsetting -horror- story reasons and not extremely mentally unwell 15 year old vent reasons
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extremely normal shit
#rhett and link#gmm 2431#yeah extremely normal shit#just two dudes at disney#with their baby carrier#once again:#the joy on rhett's face upon cuddling link makes me unwell
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actually I'm not done thinking about teru and ritsu's friendship. I think teru might be one of ritsu's first real friends. ritsu isn't like,, the most social kid in the universe, and I think he has plenty of superficial friends (see: "I talk about the weather with pretty much anyone") but I think the only real close friends he has are teru and shou. and I think it's bc both of them are people he met without his Perfectly Ordinary Middle Schooler mask. he has to fill the role of honor student, perfect son, doting brother, etc. all the time while ALSO trying to blend into the background and be inconspicuous, and that's part of why he lashed out like he did during the cleanup arc, but with teru and shou, his first encounter with both of them involved him being an arrogant little shit that's willing to pick fights, which contradicts the perfect kid act AND the perfectly ordinary middle schooler act, and is in fact much more honest bc he's not hiding this kind of nasty side to himself. and that honesty works out for him with these two! teru sees himself in ritsu because he's also kind of an arrogant little prick, and aside from initially trying (and succeeding) to intimidate him, teru looks out for him and risks his life trying to save him and they genuinely get along pretty well! and with shou, he sees that ritsu is willing to fight him on his own and he's like "oh you're fucking nuts, we need to be best friends now" and immediately respects him a lot just because he's not gonna run away from a fight he's certain to lose. idk, I just think it's important that ritsu's first real friends are ones who saw him in rather ugly circumstances and wanted to be friends with him anyway
#mp100#ritsu kageyama#I have. BRAIN WORMS.#if this seems extremely rambling it's bc I was forming these ideas as I wrote#idk I just think a lot about the bit with tokugawa where he's like ''I'm just a perfectly ordinary middle schooler''#and tokugawa says ''yeah those don't exist''#I feel like we acknowledge the fact that he had to fill the honor student/perfect son role a lot#but he ALSO had to try and blend into the background (which tokugawa attributes to him acting like his brother)#and I think an important part of his development is acknowledging these negative parts of his personality#like. he can be arrogant! and aggressive! and kind of a shithead!#but he's also a loyal friend and very brave and such a good brother#such a theme of this series (especially the final arc) is about being honest with and about yourself#and accepting both your flaws and the good parts of yourself#and I think it's important that teru and shou saw him at these low points for him#also!! I'm thinking about his fight with shou#and how there was no way he was gonna win against him but he fought him anyway#and then how that's repeated when he fights shimzaki to buy shou time#idk. he's a brave kid.#I am literally always thinking about ritsu. help me. I am unwell.
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#coroika#splatoon#splatoon inksona#splatoon oc#yeah#not much to say herejk hdaksd#sorry for putting squibby there twice shes just extremely mentally unwell#some xanax would fix her (and me probably)
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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decided to read up on the REAL Rimbaud and Verlaine. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the
#That was a. JOURNEY#so yes wow they were gay!!!!!!!! Verlaine shot Rimbaud!!!!!!!!! They were dysfunctional and toxic and ran away together to London and#YES THEY WERE GAY!!!!! BUT VERLAINE was 27#AND RIMBAUD WAS 16. Btw#btw#Verlaine also abandoned his 18 year old wife and newborn child. also#And then a few years later left Rimbaud alone in London. By the way. Whilst Rimbaud was still a teenager. Btw. Whilst they were#extremely poor. By the#Anyway yeah the parallels are oughhhghghg asagiri what the fuck#I’m ILL I’m UNWELL i#Time to devour the rimlaine tag on tumblr dot com
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I hope to be able to communicate. An emotional vibe
[Mirage 28, Story: Stephen Murphy, Pencils, Inks and Letters: Jim Lawson (as far as i can tell and so says the wiki). 1 page each by Eastman and Rich Veitch, not included]
[The style for this issue has a softer painterly look to the duoshade. All panels are horizontal across the width of the page.]
[ID from alt: Two panels, Leo leaning over to look at Raph, who's in profile and glaring slightly downwards. He asks "Care to talk about it?". Close on Raph's face, still not looking at Leo, he says "No." END ID]
ID from alt: 3 Panels. Casey leans over, gripping bridge trusses on either side of himself, asks "Hey bro', What's going down?" Raph's feet dangling over the edge of the bridge, its shadow cast on the water below. Raph says "The River... I suppose..." Close on Casey as he looks down skeptically "Um, Yeah. -- Hey, talk to me Raph. Really talk to me."
ID from alt: Three panels. Raph in profile, gazes down somberly, he says "Can't. You wouldn't understand. You're... You're human. You can't possible understand. Wide to all three of them, Casey has shuffled closer, one hand still on the truss. He says "Say what? I'm what? You can kiss off, Pal." Leo on the other side leans back a bit. "The what about me Raph? Why won't you tell me?". Close on Raph, annoyed now. "You're crowding me Leo, you're both crowding me. -- Don't crowd me." END
^gets sick every time i look at this one (HIGHEST OF COMPLIMENT)
ID from alt: Two panels. Close on April's hand. Holding a small turtle in its shell. Caption box "No... not this time, baby." Raph in the foreground, still upset. April and the other turtles sit along the bridge, all apart from Raph. April still holding the turtle, looks over to him. Caption box "When the hell will he simply accept all that's happened to him?" END
Second caption box references April's line in the 3 issue Raph got de-mutated arc. Which he spent the most time being looked after by her.
ID from alt: Two panels. Raph sitting with his back to his brothers, looking down and upset again. Wider shot shows everyone on a raft, the other turtles sitting and Casey pushing raft along at one end, Raph facing the rear, tense, observing the water. April sits between them, not facing either direction, observing Raph. END
ID from alt: Two panels, nighttime. The group sits around a camp fire, Casey standing to tell a story "-Like so much red white and blue Alpo. See, man, there was this..." Raph stands facing into the dark. Caption box: Raphael stood apart from the rest of us..." Wide of the landscape, moon reflecting on water, surrounded by trees and distant mountains. Caption box: "... And stared intently across the moonlit water." END
ID from alt: April and Raph trying to move an unconscious being, mostly humanoid with amphibious features, their three bodies lit against complete blackness. Raph holds her under the shoulders and says "You take her feet, I'll get her head." April kneels to hold her ankles and says "Thanks, Raph." END
ID from alt: Intricately detailed depiction of one of the aquatic beings while still in the egg, curled with its still developing limbs and large eyes. Caption boxes: I am conceived anew -- And as I grow -- I watch my people wither. END
ID from alt: Wide scene lit by the camp fire. April kneels with the beings head in her lap. Four more of the species approach her and the body. Casey stands back closer to the fire, and the turtles, even further back, towards the shore line. Caption box: They've lost her. END
ID from alt: 1. Two panels. Caption box: ... The only four of their species.... The turtles stand in line, Don, Mike, Leo and Raph, looking over the water, and the four remaining beings heads sink below the water. Caption box. "... just like-" The beings completely unseen now. Raph turns his head, looks behind them.
2. Two panels. Dramatic close up on Raph, looking back. The hint of pupil in the normally white eyes adds to the expressions intensity. Close on April meeting his gaze. Eyes wide with shock. She says a quite "-Omigod". END
ah. i was just gonna tag rant about this its getting way too long. oop
As i said earlier. this was ANOTHER ISSUE that was adapted into 03 during the Leo angst era. so they swapped Raph for Leo.
(NOT MAD ABT IT. i could go on a very long talk abt raph leo interchangeability and every time they've done that in adaptation, and why so many of the raph leo conflicts are about them being so so similar.
and how they are the person the other gets/gets them. and loss of that understanding due to separation or injury causes the blow ups.)
ANYWAY
03 didnt have the events that happened to raph that are referenced here anyway. those being. Raph almost being killed in a drive to solo kill the shredder (which... Leo Does btw) but more importantly admitting to Leo that he feels he has no control, that he cant think through his emotions.
And, again as mentioned, the de-mutation. It took him from weakened, to childlike, too deteriorating illness, until he's a particularly emotive large turtle, and then even less so to a normal smaller and smaller one. And this was caused by a very powerful being that thought he'd be happier that way, after feeling all the guys bask in the water, and be in awe of real baby turtles.
So these are the things he can't talk to Leo or Casey about. And this comic issue is one thats in the mode of "something written by april" like journal entries. And it wouldnt be clear cause i removed the CONTEXT lol. but that is her seeing a vision, from this dying being, of her [the being's] life and history, and its like. not pretty! not good things happening to the extincting amphibious humanoids.
So the lack of control, emotional and LITERAL, over his fate, his body, his being his mind? The things he cant tell his human best friend or his leader and brother. She goes through something impossible, she has no control, she fails at saving this being. And she sees it. And they see each other. And their is not a fix it at the end of that. She doesn't tell anyone else why she gets spooked. Everyone is just standing around each other in the moment, where its all not okay.
#some shit#turbles...#im so so so ill about this. positively unwell.#stephen muphy of the puma blues huh. you dont fucking say (<- extremely poetic indie com about humanity and enviroment)#was trying to let it speak for itself but yes also btw. the fish ppl. yeah listen.#DO YOU SEE. do you see. just motif. he looks to the water and she looks to him. HE LOOKS BACK?#i mean. and not to be biblical or greek classical or honestly. vonnegut-ian? but the way he turns around. to look at her. and how that is#often a thing that seals ppls fates. but it doesnt change his fate. its her. knowing it. in that moment.#it just lights my blood on fire and makes me so so so naw she ous. nauscious. nauseous.#LOVE. when i have to exit the tags for smth to long and. BRO. my syntax. my registre. it gets all different. literalllllly can not help it.#well. enjoy. i said more than i even meant and i meant to say a fair bit.#23-27 are for real for real. the weird comics deserts. there so left field and. need to be chewed on but not really always in a good way.#(i mean non as bad as... 18? the msg one.) so i was taking my tales of break and then. BOOM. this shit. ARGHHHHHH#wifi blogs mirage
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Whenever you post anything regarding the combaticons (and first aid) I get such a huge surge of dopamine ( ◜𖥦◝ ) thank you for sharing your work 💕
THANK YOU they are my special interest and i worry sometimes it’s too niche for the (checks blog and whimpers) three thousand and change followers this blog somehow has so i’m glad
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when I joined tumblr I was some stereotypical giddy lovesick schoolgirl twirling my hair/drawing hearts in my diary/etc about some guy in the 60s. well 7 years later and nothing has changed
#I'm EXTREMELY unwell i just#i#he is so#he#is#like literally#except this time not only was he born half a century before me and/or dead but he's fictional as well. to add insult to injury or whatever#i am sooooooooo ill and lightheaded#AND even worse i can't even go on a reblogging spree to cope because theRE'S NOTHING TO REBLOG on this whole website ahfbegehhhsejehegerhrh#ramble#oh yeah obviously this is about dennis tanner. again
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I'm a major supporter of the theory that people suffering from mental disorders aren't a minority in the slightest, it's just that people who can afford being diagnosed are.
Honestly, why would we think the majority of people are doing just fine in a world where over half the population can't even afford basic necessities such as food and clean water, let alone mental health diagnoses?
Not all countries have free healthcare and those that do are usually filled to the brim with mental health patients and people waiting for vacancies to open. Public health (in countries that have it) is entirely too understaffed and underfunded to deal with a mass influx of mentally ill people! But being unable to access healthcare doesn't mean you aren't ill, it just means you're neglected.
So, when someone says "there can't be so many people suffering from mental disorders out there", all I can hear is "I don't understand smack about how the world works and how inaccurate estimates can be and as such I'll parrot the very beliefs that lead to diagnostic biases and medical neglect of the poor like it's gospel"
Moreover, add the whole stigma mental illnesses and therapies still have amongst the general population and you'll have underdiagnoses even among those who actually can afford to get their mental health checked, which doesn't contribute to the stats in the slightest.
#diagnostic bias#misapplied statistics#you wouldn't believe just how many undiagnosed mentally unwell people you have around you#I'd take a wild guess and say a good 80% of people have some sort of mental illness or disorder to some degree#most of the time people just power it through and pretend everything is okay but... it's not#the system as a whole is extremely sickening! how can mental sanity thrive in it at all? (hint: it cannot)#so i wouldn't trust statistics all that much. we aren't a minority and i'm sure of it! in fact believing we are only feeds the stigmas.#just look at the sheer amount of people who smoke or drink or do other drugs and tell me if we as a species are okay? no we ain't!#a mentally healthy person wouldn't 'drink to drown their sorrows' because they wouldn't have sorrows that need to be drowned in first place#and the worst part is that there's probably not a single mental health specialist trying to do research on it#(and if there is they're definitely underfunded and unencouraged)#and remember: not actively seeking a doctor when you can doesn't mean you aren't ill it just means you're pretending to be invincible#'but neurodivergences aren't the same as mental illnesses' sure! but they still affect our lives and need special care#think about a neurodivergence like the mental health equivalent of a congenital illness: it's from birth but it still causes difficulties#so yeah going undiagnosed on neurodivergences isn't cool either
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I... finally finished rd and I want to cry???
#not gonna get too into it bc it's very weird and hard to explain#but i've been incredibly sick and unwell for almost a year (come december/january-ish) and i started por halfway through march i think ?#and it truly just clicked something into place in my brain and was one of the few things that brought my anxiety down during this past while#like all the specialists and treatment plans and medications and pain just kinda dulled a little bit when i would get home and be all like#okay. time for game :D#and it sounds so dumb and cringe but i genuinely don't care bc it helped get me through some truly awful days#it's just... it's been nice to have something that helps me so much especially considering I've also been extremely emotionally unstable too#but yeah#it's just been really nice to have these games and I'm sorta really sad it's over#o well. just gotta replay them soon lol#nqp#gabe rambles#gabe plays#fe#fe rd
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I think something is maybe broken in me. Not in a self loathing way but like. Broken bone except its my ability to engage with the things I love
#I can't play pokemon. I can't bring myself to draw. I can't be with our chickens. Writing is hard and I get very little from it#I think I'm losing grip with my rational thinking to a degree. I keep thinking I have to make something better that counts so I can have#Something worth Sacrificing and being able to sacrifice that would let me go back in time and fix everything. I want to fix things. Please#None of this is a joke btw im extremely unwell and grieving. Crisis mode has passed at least for now but it's not good#But yeah I don't think of it like I'm a broken or worse person I think of it like. I've lost the ability to want certain things and it's#Kinda fucking with me
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//So I have today and tomorrow off, so hopefully I’ll get to replies and a couple new opens over the next two days🤞
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James Potter x slytherin!fem!reader
Summary: When your "friends" play a dangerously stupid prank on you, James is the last person you'd think would help you.
Genre: Fluff, hurt and comfort <3
Warning: swearing, mentions of being drugged/drunk, violence, mentions of blood, protective!James
JAMES POTTER MASTERLIST
When James sees you walk into the classroom with an unusually cheery smile, he can't look away.
"Sirius," he pauses and leans in closer to his friend, "does she look unwell to you?" James whispers, clearly concerned for you. Sirius lets his chin rest on his palms as he looks over at you nonchalantly.
You almost trip on your shoe-laces as you make your way to your desk and you laugh a little too loudly, but only James seems to notice that particular detail.
"Y/l/n? She seems quite happy to me," Sirius's smirk is heard in his voice but James doesn't look amused.
"No, something's wrong. She's usually quiet and she," he doesn't finish his sentence when he sees your friends in the corner of the classroom.
Some of them look as concerned as he is while most hide smiles and snickers behind their hands as they look at you. James's eyes bounce back to you and his frown deepens. Something is wrong. Instantly, he's on his feet.
"Prongs!?" Sirius sounds surprised but it's no use trying to stop him because James is already on his way to you.
Just as you raise your arm to run a hand in your – already annoyed – desk partner's hair, James quickly swoops in and catches your wrist. You pause and when you turn your head to look at him, your smile widens.
"Potter!" you slur.
James can be an idiot sometimes, but he does know you're not drunk. He's never seen you drink. You look dizzy and he comes to the conclusion you must be under the influence of some kind of spell. He looks you over and sees the nasty cut on your knee. Anger bubbles in his stomach as he remembers how your friends somehow found this all incredibly funny.
You tilt your head at him slightly and say, "You have pretty eyes, did you know that?" you smile a smile James usually loves and was never directed at him before, but by now the entire classroom has their eyes on you and, because he knows you would hate all this unnecessary attention, James helps you stand.
You let out a breathy giggle when his hands find your waist and hold you steady.
"What are you doing?" a shrill voice asks from behind him and James clenches his jaw. He turns around. It's one of your friends. She's also in Slytherin and as hard as he tries, James can't remember her name.
"Helping your friend," he says blankly, "She seems a little out of it, doesn't she?"
"She's fine," your friend rolls her and tucks her dark hair behind her ear. "Aren't you, Y/n?" she asks you with a faint smirk.
Your body sways and James's arms move from your waist and swoops around you to hold under your armpits. "I'm okay — y-yeah, I'm okay. I feel better than fine," You mutter, eyelids fluttering slightly as you giggle at his touch.
James isn't at all convinced you're okay.
Your friend's cruel smirk and the mystery of how you've bruised your knee leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.
"She's bleeding," he states as calmly as he can.
"She's just clumsy."
"She's obviously been hexed or something," James narrows his eyes.
Your friend laughs at his accusatory tone. "What? And you think I did it?"
"Yeah, actually, I do."
At this point, it's obvious you aren't paying attention to their argument as you start to play with James's collar. His cheeks flush pink as your hair skims his chin and the smell of your shampoo fills the air.
"Well if you won't tell me what happened to her, then I'll find out myself," he says and his hand moves to hold yours. "Come on," he whispers sweetly and you let him lead you out of the classroom.
James is extremely careful with you. He makes sure you don't trip in the hallway, or run into any doors and walls, and more importantly he stays with you when the nurse comes to make sure you're okay.
He leans over the hospital bed as his hand hover over your knee as he asks, "What's happened to her?"
"Veritaserum," the nurse says as she presses her palm on your forehead.
"The truth serum?" James is confused. "Doesn't that make someone tell the truth? Why would it make her act so," he turns his head to look at you and conflicting emotions creates what feels like an empty pit in his stomach. You look so beautiful with your eyes blown wide as you glance around the room. "So ditzy?" he finishes in an endeared whisper.
"It isn't uncommon as everyone can have different reactions," The nurse explains as she gently inspects your knee, "I think whoever made this potion must not be particularly skilled."
James clenches his fist around his cloak and tries to remind himself that you probably wouldn't want him to beat up your so-called-friends.
"What's happening to me?" your voice comes out strained as you try and focus on their conversation as you catch on to their confused faces.
"Nothing, honey, you're fine. Your friend was worried and he,"
You interrupt her, "James Potter? Oh, he isn't my friend." You look up at James and his smile disappears. He's embarrassed as he searches your face for any indication that you're joking but clearly you aren't because you ask him. "Potter, do you even know my name?" You sound serious.
James hesitates to answer, "Of course I know your name, Y/n," he finally admits.
He doesn't expect your eyes to light up but they do and you turn to the nurse, "He does know my name," you whisper with a smile.
James's heart swells at how happy you seem and he smirks a little. Amused, the nurse lets you continue, "You'know," you lean in closer and mutter just loud enough for James to hear without you knowing, "I really like him."
Surprised, his heart jumps and the nurse panics as he quickly shuts you up. "Alright honey, let's clean up this nasty little wound and then wait for the potion to pass, ok?" you nod and focus on her as she waves her wand across your knee and the cut disappears.
Once she's done, the nurse turns to James and says, "I know you must be curious, Potter, but I think Y/l/n should be alone while she recovers," the nurse turns to you again and looks at you sympathetically.
"He can stay!" you insist, "I want him to stay."
James looks into your eyes and he wonders how he can even think of disappointing you.
But, when he looks at the nurse again his heart sinks. He can't stay, he knows he can't. It would be unfair. You deserve to keep your secrets — all those feelings you wouldn't share with him normally — hidden away in your pretty little head.
James knows he can't take those away from you so he nods, stuffs his hands in his pockets, and sends you a lopsided smile. "I'll see you around, mmh?"
He leaves before he can focus on the way you called his name because if he does, he knows he'd feel compelled to rush back in and stay by your side. On his way back to the classroom, he can't help but smile as he remembers your words. Only, his smile disappears the moment he hears your friends in the hallway.
James stops in front of them and they do the same. The girl from earlier crosses her arms. "What's your issue, Potter?" she snarls, "Where's Y/n?"
James refuses to answer her question. "You gave her the Veritaserum, didn't you?" he accuses and some of your friend's squirm guiltily. The dark-haired girl just smirks.
"So what if we did? She isn't dying, is she? It was funny," she turns to your other friends with a grin and they nod meekly. "You should have seen her stumbling around, she wasn't even fazed when she fell and scraped her knee on the cobblestones. It was hilarious," she continues.
James's face burns from the points of his ears to his cheeks. "Hilarious?!" he repeats, his voice stern, "What kind of friends find it funny when their friend hurts themselves? She didn't know about the Veritaserum, did she?"
The girl shakes her head but one of your other friends interrupts. He's a tall, lanky Slytherin with icy blue eyes and vibrant auburn hair.
"Of course she didn't know, Potter. It wouldn't be as fun if she did. I would think you would understand," he admits with a grin.
James's hands shake as he stares at your friend rambling. The boy only chuckles and turns to his friends, amused, as he taunts, "Slipped the potion in her drink myself this morning."
He doesn't finish his sentence as James punches him. He stumbles back into the girls, cupping his hands around his nose, as they shriek in surprise. James shakes his hand out a little and narrows his eyes. "You don't spike someone's drink, asshole. And don't fucking insinuate I would ever do something like that to anyone!"
"What the fuck? Why do you even care?" The boy hisses as one girl holds his shoulder and tends to him. "You're crazy."
And sure, maybe James was crazy but he won't tolerate someone hurting you.
Ever.
* * *
"James, just give the poor girl some space," Remus sighs as he tries to concentrate on his essay. "She's gone through enough these last few days. Haven't you heard the rumors going around? They're brutal."
James resists the scream that bubbles in his throat. "I know. I know. I just want to be there for her," he whines and Sirius wraps his arm around his shoulder.
"You'll just make things worse," Sirius says, "Last rumor I heard is that she faked it all for your attention."
James clenches his jaw. "How would I make this worse? It's all so fucking cruel, Pads. She's all alone," his heart has been slowly breaking whenever he thinks of you sobbing in your dorm or sitting alone during your classes and meals.
He shuts his eyes a moment and then sits up abruptly and says, "I know what to do."
Remus looks up and with a worried expression, his eyes widen. "Prongs," he starts but James is already standing. "Sirius! Don't let him leave!" Remus insists but it's too late because their friend is already out the Common Room door.
When James enters the Great Hall, he pauses and searches for you. He sees you sitting alone and he becomes so angry he can't think normally.
He storms up to the Slytherin table and jumps on top of it. Some cutlery and food falls to the floor and students turn their heads. James just clears his throat, making a show as he stumbles on his feet.
If everyone wants to gossip about something, they can gossip about this.
With a grin, he spreads his arms and shouts, "Can I have everyone's attention?" The Great Hall turns silent and James struts down the table until he's much closer to you. You feel your cheeks heat up and you hold your breath.
Remus and Sirius run into the Great Hall, calling James's name but it's too late because James is now standing in front of you as he holds out his hand. "Y/n, will you go out with me?" He asks, his voice loud and calm.
Whispers break out as your heart thumps in your chest. You look into James's eyes, searching them and when you reluctantly take his hand he nods a little and pulls you up onto the table with him.
Quickly, he pulls you closer and then whispers in your ear, "Say no. Trust me."
Your frown deepens but the words leave you without thinking, "No?"
James smirks and just subtle enough for no one to see, he kisses your cheek and pulls you away from him. Dramatically, he stumbles backwards and covers his heart. "Ow, you're killing me here, love. What will I do without you?"
If you didn't know he had just asked you to reject him, you would think he sounds genuinely hurt. As he stumbles, he trips on someone's glass and with a loud crash, he falls to the ground.
Students gasp loudly and so do you as you cover your mouth with your hands and rush to the edge of the table and peer down at him. When you see him sitting on the ground he suddenly blows a kiss up to you, a small paper bird flutters up to you and then turns into rose petals.
Your eyes widen and you can't help but laugh when James continues to make a scene and the petals fall in your hair. "You're breaking my heart, darling. Criminal," James whispers and winks dramatically.
"James Potter, detention. Now," McGonagall's voice booms and when James sees you hide a smile behind your hand, he smiles too.
A while later, as James sweeps up McGonagall's classroom floor, all he can think of is your happy smile.
"James?" Your voice interrupts his memory and he jumps a little, turning towards the door. You stand in the doorway, a flustered look on your face as you hesitate to come inside. James drops the broom and rushes over to you.
His knuckles hover over your cheek as he says, "Y/n, are you okay?"
Your eyes widen and you touch his hand. Gently, you pull it down to his side again as you whisper and ask, "What was that all about?"
James searches your face for anger. "I wanted to take the embarrassment off of you. You don't deserve anything that's been happening to you, love. None of it is your fault."
You look at him more seriously. "Yeah, it's been a little hard but I can handle the teasing. You shouldn't have done that," you say and James's heart clenches in his chest.
"I'm sorry if I upset you, Y/n. I just wanted,"
You interrupt him, "No. I mean you shouldn't have asked me to say no," you pause and look up at him, "unless, you don't actually want to go out with me. But, I know you know how I feel about you and I,"
Your sentence dies and you don't know what else to say.
James's expression softens. You look up at him, almost pleading with him, "Please don't make me repeat what I said in the Hospital Wing. It's so embarrassing, and I know you heard me. I wasn't exactly quiet."
James smirks. "When you said you like me?" he holds up his finger and pretends to ponder, "No I'm sorry, you really like me," his smile widens as he looks at you. You feel warmth in your cheeks and look away.
"Yeah, that."
"Well, I really like you too."
Your eyes widen and you look up at him. James uses his thumb to lift your chin. You realize how close your body is to his and your breath hitches in your throat. James's hand moves to your cheek, caressing it softly as you whisper, "You do?"
James lets out a breathy chuckle. "Of course I do. You're beautiful, kind, incredibly smart it's annoying," his eyes are full of admiration, "What's there not to like, darlin'?"
You frown, glancing quickly at the emblem stitched onto my robes and then you look at him again. "But, I'm a Slytherin. I didn't even think you ever knew who I was until last week. We've never really talked."
James's smile falters and his thumb moves behind your ear as he holds your cheek. "That's my fault. I should have said something sooner but with my reputation and all," he looks away, his face twisted in shame, "I didn't want to scare you away."
You see the sincerity in his eyes but ask wearily, "So it doesn't bother you?"
"That you're in Slytherin?" James smiles a little. "No, it doesn't, love. I don't care. I've seen how you are and I think you're absolutely lovely," he catches himself, "I mean, I'm not saying Slytherin's aren't lovely,"
You shut him up with a kiss. It's confident and startling but James doesn't complain. He simply pulls you in closer and lets his mouth explore yours with a passion he didn't know he had. He didn't know how starved he was of your taste until now.
Fuck, he's fucked.
You pull away, lips wet and stare at him. "Sorry," you mutter.
"Sorry?" James frowns and leans in to kiss you again, "Don't you dare be sorry. Just kiss me," his words leave you a mush in his arms and you're happy for his hand around your back because otherwise you would fall over.
When he finally disconnects your lips, he leans his forehead on yours and whispers what he'd been thinking, "You'll kill me, love."
You smile and hold his arm. "Thanks for saving me by the way, when I was under the potion," you say.
James leans away and studies your soft expression with a small smile. "I'd be an asshole not to help you. I didn't want to see you get hurt."
"Still, if you hadn't seen that something was wrong I don't know what would have happened."
"Nothing would have happened because I was there," James insists and kisses your forehead, "I'll always be there." He adds in a whisper into your hair.
It's only for him to hear. He doesn't want to just tell you he's there for you, instead he wants to show you. Everyday.
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