#yeah I have many thoughts and feelings about the whole thing even after a decade LOL

[a-x-ce]

Worst part of the end of Enies Lobby is Zoro's bullshit pride take on what Usopp and Luffy's fight was about. I need to go and look at the translation used in the manga but in the anime they have him say ''we also can't keep trusting a guy who started all of this on a whim'' like bitch WHAT?!

The fuck did he witness throughout Water 7 that would make him say something so dismissive of the heart of what that fight was about? 'Whim' completely trivializes everything that happened, every single word Usopp said, it dismisses Merry and everything she did. It pisses me off so much.

Also makes me mad how rude he was to everyone else, especially Nami, during that whole scene. Telling her to shut up as if her opinion doesn't matter when truly her opinion should matter the most, like aside from Luffy being the captain, she's the real reason they can sail the sea at all!

Usopp's the whole reason Merry could save them at all (aside from Iceburg patching her up during Aqua Laguna) getting off Enies Lobby, AND he was the person who motivated Luffy to get up and finish Lucci off. 'Cause up until that point Luffy's heart was still broken from losing him in the first place, like Luffy knew his crew wasn't complete without Usopp and he regretted not being able to keep him from leaving.

Why Zoro felt the need to talk over Luffy and decide things for him, a direct display of disrespecting the captain he's holding against Usopp, while Luffy just goes along with it versus make a decision himself. Luffy SHOULD have gone to talk to him, BOTH of them should have had a deeper, more meaningful conversation about the fight, Usopp got to say goodbye to Merry in a way that satisfied him AND Luffy at that point, all they needed was an apology. And Usopp was not the only one who needed to give one, Luffy handled that abysmally from the start, it could have been settled way better than Zoro's method of needing Usopp to grovel and beg while letting Luffy get away with not giving a fuck about how he handled everything to begin with.

I mean thankfully Luffy learned from that experience, as we see when Sanji left during Whole Cake Island, but it came after having completely ignored Usopp's core issues, never addressing them directly, hence why he then goes into Thriller Bark not any different except now he's OPENLY bragging about being negative and self-loathing. Like very cool, very well handled guys...

It's almost like Oda couldn't have that happen then because Usopp still needed to have his core issues (recognizing he IS brave, he IS strong, he IS smart and useful and needed!!!) and that the best place to do that wasn't until Elbaf. Like he left his character on pause for hundreds of chapters and many MANY years and it's only in the next few that we might get the full payoff as we finally enter the Elbaf arc. (Which is interestingly also turning into a Robin-centric arc so Oda does seem to be cooking with that one already.)

Anyway, had to vent about that again, 'cause it's the only time I ever got mad at any of the crew and it was never addressed again. As soon as Usopp does say sorry he's accepted right away and they all go back to acting like nothing ever happened (which is how Luffy was operating anyway the moment he woke up back at Water 7...). Zoro's prideful way of doing shit is often not the best way to handle things and thankfully that's been pointed out before (Punk Hazard by Tashigi) but I genuinely wonder if Oda has any plans to tackle that as a character flaw in any later arcs.

[eddis-not-eeddis]

.

[legandairy-horror]

Does anyone else feel a strange sort of dread waiting for new deltarune chapters?

It sounds crazy right? I admit it's a weird feeling for sure, and I'm not even 100% sure if dread is the right way to describe it. But as more info is revealed and the next chapter inevitably gets closer and closer to releasing I can't help but feel a strange sort of, melancholy? Longing? The only way I can describe it is "when you know the goodbye is coming". The strange somber feeling when you know you’re going to have to leave stuff behind, but aren't quite ready for it yet.

warning: words. Homestuck

In 3 months Chapter 1 will be 6 years old, and in 2 months Chapter 2 will be 3 years old. Deltarune is ostensibly in Early Access but this release schedule puts new chapters closer in time scale to whole sequals if anything, which they most assuredly are not trying to be. This has created a strange situation in the fanbase that I don't think I've ever truly seen anywhere else. One where, In the time between chapters It feels like everyone has had their own chance to decide what Deltarune is to them. To create their own version of this story, to write their own themes that they want to see explored, to imagine their own events and plot twists they want to see play out.

@lynxgriffin Paper Trail Comic Being an Alternate Story following off of chapter 1

@lilybug-02 The Chara Timeline Being one of many interpretations on the popular Asriel & Chara roommates headcannon.

@huecycles Andromeda Chapters being their interpretation on the full game

The innumerable Deltarune Theorists and analysts like HalfBreadChaos, Andrew Cunningham, Stuffed Alpaca, etc. etc.

@vyletbunni Deltatraveler being a whole ass fangame based around a chapter 2 meme that it has long since outlived

And that's kinda the thing isn't it? Once more deltarune comes out, a ton of these projects will just become outdated, it's an inevitability. So what will happen to them? will they become forgotten? maybe, maybe not, it's impossible to tell. but either way it feels kinda sad to think about yknow? that one day all the time and effort spent and all the memories made might one day just cease to exist.

There's a lot more I could say on this topic if given the chance but to keep this tumblr post from morphing into a 2 hour long video essay in text form let me leave off with this.

In the age of the internet and social media there will always be a fan of something. Nothing truly dies quite like it used to anymore, regardless of whatever influencers want you to believe. But that doesn't mean things stop changing, that there wasn't a past that has since been left behind. I'm a Homestuck fan. more specifically I'm a Late Homestuck fan, one who came in after the comic had already ended and it's peak in popularity was long behind it. The fandom's still around all these years later. But it'd be foolish to admit that, 8 years after the comics controversial end, the inescapable trend of new fans replacing old fans has left the fandom wholly disconnected from the monolith that it once was. the only remnants of which lie in decades old discourse and fanfiction. Like old relics of a long forgotten city, waiting to be excavated under a fine layer of dirt.

Before I close out here I just want to make it clear: I'm not saying that we should be trying to return to some nebulous "glorious past" that never really existed. I'm not trying to deride Toby Fox for not working in the sweatshop hard enough to produce more content™, or whatever you wanna try and spin-doctor this post into. It's just a thought that creeps into my head every now that I wanted to share, see if anyone feels the same, yknow?

Besides it's not all doom and gloom. For those of you OG Homestucks who read till the end. You remember Heinoustuck? Guidestuck? Nightfall? Fucking Ke$haStuck? yeah those are still going by the way! after years of inactivity they've now started back up again. some under new authors and some by the same author but still!

You could say a lot about that but to me at least, it makes me feels hopeful in a way. That, even if not everything will survive. we'll at least have some mementos to remember what came before.

[schrodinger-swriter]

I really liked your interpretations of Lucifer being apprehensive when getting romantically involved with a sinner. I think a lot of other people kind of forget (not to say I dislike their writing) that he is just barely starting to come out of this bias after Charlie has shown him that not only can the exorcists be fought but also people can change.

With these things considered, how do you think Lucifer would react to a sinner who was sent to hell for complicated reasons? As in, they are a good person who did horrible things out of necessity. Like maybe they killed someone or committed other crimes to keep their loved ones safe, and they'd do it all over again and go straight to hell if it meant their loves ones got into heaven.

Lucifer x Reader who did something terrible for a good cause

Now that's a long title!

But yeah I agree with you, I wish more people explored that Lucifer would be hesitant to have a relationship, much less with a sinner. Though to be fair I hardly read Lucifer x Reader content, I understand the appeal but my heart lies with Sir Pentious aha!

I hope you enjoy, Anon! C:

Regardless of how he ends up finding out about what you've done, you can see the gears working in his head before his eyes eventually soften. It's a moment of understanding; a moment where he can relate with you. He did something with good intentions but with horrible consequences.

Imagine you both get into an argument and that's when your past is revealed. Even after Charlie and him reconcile, he still has the mindset of judging sinners. Of course he would, it doesn't go away over night. It's a stance he's been holding for years, maybe even decades.

He begins to speak badly of sinners as a whole, which in turn upsets you. Oh but of course, you weren't part of the group he was talking about! Except that doesn't change anything, it leads to a heated argument... and then you spill. The air is still tense, and your hearts are still raw.

Going forward it does change how he looks at you, and how he acts around you. He seems.. different. Around you at least. I don't think he would pry for any of the details, you've already said all you need to do to.

He thinks its commendable. Actually in his eyes it makes you more attractive, you did what you thought was right. It only serves to make him feel even worse for pushing you away like that... Dozens of apologies will be coming your way, as well as many gifts.

[candypalace]

Translation: the GazettE/Decade Book (Reita&Uruha Interview Snippet)

Hello friends, long time no see. A while ago I translated a part of the Decade Book interview section where Reita and Uruha talk about their indie days for my friends and promised I'd do the whole thing one day.

Posting this piece ahead of the full interview to appreciate the bond the guys had with each other, and, in a way, thank them for not giving up.

scan credit: @rad-is-more

REITA : … I don't really think about the roles within the band, but each of us has a natural role, and I think that's why we've been able to exist for more than 10 years. Um, well, I kinda don't want to talk about this embarrassing stuff…

URUHA: You're embarrassed?! I really don't think it's embarrassing?

REITA: No-no, it’s not like that! I don't think I'm ashamed of what I'm saying, it’s more like when I say it out loud, it makes me feel a little awkward.

URUHA: Aah, so that's what you meant (laughs).

REITA : I think for all five of us the GazettE is very important. Even though me and Uruha first started a band as “a continuation of child's play”, we thought: “I want to take things seriously”, but still those bands didn't last long and always broke up after a few months.

URUHA: I guess that's true. Before we became the GazettE, we played with a band called Kar+te=zyAnose, where Ruki was also the vocalist. The drummer did not even show up for our breakup show, and when we announced “We’re disbanding today”, we heard a faint laugh from the audience. It was a real shock, wasn’t it? It was also the moment when my groundless confidence that made me think “We’re absolutely badass!” collapsed with a loud crash.

REITA: Indeed. It was TOUGH at the time. I guess it is precisely because of that experience that I am so happy to be able to celebrate 10 years with the current members of the band. It is also precisely why I cherish the relationship between the five of us now.

URUHA: That's so true. Before the GazettE settled down, me, Reita and Ruki also played together in bands called Ma’die Kusse and L’ie:Chris before Kar+te=zyAnose. It took us a long time to reach the GazettE.

— You never gave up, did you?

REITA: No, I gave up once! I thought there was nothing next for me. But honestly, I'm glad I didn't quit! (laughs)

URUHA: It’s because me and Ruki desperately tried to stop you, m?

REITA: Really, thank god you did. But back then, I couldn't see the future at all. Even my parents said “Giving up someday is also brave”. There were many times when I wondered “Is now the time?”. When I saw all my friends around me getting jobs and having families and stable lives, I thought maybe this was also a way to happiness. Still, I decided for myself “I’ll try to do my best for one more year”, and it was during that year that the GazettE was formed. I really think it was fate.

URUHA: But it was difficult, right? We didn't have many shows, and we couldn't tell if we saw the future.

REITA: Yeah. If the GazettE had not continued with the current members, I really would have quit.

[arachniee]

✰ The Arbiter of Justice.

Ex Situationship! Alastor x Female! Overlord Reader , Vox x Female! Overlord Reader, Lucifer x Female! Overlord Reader

₊˚✩彡 Summary: Famously known as hell's only demon that can break contracts between other sinners, you were very sought after by those who wish to free themselves from the wretched hands of their soul owners, much to the dismay (annoyance) of the other Overlords.

₊˚✩彡Notes: okay so, i know you're probably wondering why this came out faster than the parts of my other series, lets just say that i absolutely despised the first drafts i had and had to redo and edit some stuff again, but hey, here you go (this is not proofread, you have been warned)

╰⪼ “Those fuckers are back!”

Vox yelled, flailing his arms out with each syllable that left his petty mouth. Great. First, he found out that the radio demon was back from whatever hole in hell he's been hiding in for the last 7 years, and second, that bitch in the shadows made her appearance again after a whole decade! God, isn't his life just fucking great.

Valentino wanted to snicker, mock him because of his childishness. But he couldn't, for he too was not pleased with someone's return. Sure, he could live without Alastor, and yeah, he could live with the radio demon around. He didn't really care about him, it was only Vox who hated Alastor so much to obviously express it. But the Arbiter? Valentino would even thank any exorcist who manages to kill her. Though, he knew not to expect anything. Since the Vee’s have never really laid a scratch on her skin, no matter what they did. 

“I thought she was gone for good too.”

It's been almost 10 years since she left, leaving the Vee’s to assume (hope) that she'd never return and potentially ruin their status. Ever since her sudden disappearance, they've made it their goal to savour this experience, the feeling of making as many contracts as possible without the restraint from that wretched woman who was dubbed the “Arbiter”.

“Can’t this day get any fucking worse?!” 

Vox was fuming, it was very prominent. Of course he'd be angry, a threat has been posed to his business. With the Arbiter’s return, surely he'll lose most of his employees again! And that is NOT happening. And to add to his already boiling anger, the radio demon is back as well. He could feel the temperature of his screen almost overloading, if he doesn't calm down soon, he might even crack his screen. 

It was only a matter of time ‘til the word reached Velvette, and they were sure that she would also be displeased with the news. All these deals and contracts they made to build themselves up, climb the ranks, all of these may potentially be snatched away by the Arbiter again in a matter of time. They can't afford for that to happen, not now, not again, not ever.

“The upcoming Overlord meeting… Are you going to attend?”

Valentino asked, eyebrows furrowed as he waited for Vox’s answer. His question was hinting a very obvious thought, with the return of the radio demon and the arbiter, surely almost every Overlord will be present. No, the Arbiter has never really attended the meeting personally, but they always send a shadow in their place. That's the most interaction a person has with her, aside from those who manage to successfully summon her and make a contract with her for her services. So attending the Overlord meeting and speaking with the shadow would be their only way of communicating with her. That is the only way they'll be able to receive some sort of response. 

Even with how problematic the Arbiter is for them, little to none is known about her. Every person whom she freed from a contract will always do and say the same thing. Their finger pressing to their lips, a eerily soft smile, and a gentle voice that would speak the words;

“Sh, her shadow might hear you!”

Well, that didn't fill up with any context. It was the same actions and answer, no matter how many times a demon would ask them. Did the Arbiter do something to them? Did they say something? Regardless, it was really frustrating. Especially to those who wanted to gather information about her to bring her down. Ehem, the Vee’s, and maybe a few other Overlords.

───〃★

Ever since your disappearance, Alastor and his dear friends were quite bummed (more so than he'd like to admit). And maybe because of the fact that he may favor you more than the others, who knows? But the pain you unknowingly left in his heart was a feeling he could never forget. A feeling he can’t seem to get himself past. Petty, call it as you will. But the memory you engraved in his mind kept him up all night, every night. You consumed him and his thoughts, especially in his sleep.

Which is why he wanted nothing more than to never sleep again.

Despite him not wanting to acknowledge it, he liked you far more than the rest. And he hated himself for it. No matter how hard he tried to avoid any indication of your presence, you still bled into every crevice and corner of this shitty hell hole. Every corner that touched the light and casted shadows, all of it haunted him.

Everything was so similar to you.

So he left. For the longest time, he tried his very best to forget you, spending his time doing who knows what. It has already been 7 years, before he knew it. He knew it was conflicting, but a part of his wretched soul wondered. 

Would you be there on his return?

Most likely not. He hoped that you wouldn’t. But he also hoped to see you, even just once. A single glance at you would’ve made him crumble. The wall that he built to keep romance away, it’ll all come crashing down, without a doubt. 

“Alastor? What’s botherin’ you, dear?” 

A feminine voice cut through the thick tension in the room, a gentle hand resting on his shoulder. Ah, he almost forgot he was in his dear friend’s Emporium. Well, it wasn’t entirely his fault his thoughts wandered off, especially after seeing a picture with a familiar face on it. 

“Oh, worry not, Dear Rosie! Nothing a little work can’t handle!’

He assured her, that wide, signature smile of his visibly staring back at the woman. She mirrored it, though she seemed a little less hostile, even with her razor sharp teeth. She had been worried since Alastor left, of course, but what worried her more was how she’d often find him in a daze, seemingly unaware of everything around. Now, in hell, being unaware of your surroundings is the last thing you want. It’s not like she was doubting his strength and power, oh no. But she really can’t help it. She’s often the one taking care of everyone, so naturally, she wants to be there for him out of instinct. 

“Well, it certainly doesn’t look like it, Cerf.”

A husky voice piped in, peeking from behind the couch that Rosie and the radio demon sat on. Another figure, who seemingly appeared to be a more masculine version of the Cannibal District’s leader. Same pitch black eyes, pale skin and mop of greyish pink stands. Adorned with a rather lavish suit and a light colored fedora that contrasted Rosie’s more pinkish hat. 

“As sharp as always, I see you are!”

“Oh come on, pumpkin! We gotta give Alastor his own personal space, okay? If he doesn’t wanna talk about it then we won’t force him.” 

Rosie interrupted, glancing behind her to finally eye the person that the voice belonged to. The previous smile on her face seemed to grow, of course, why wouldn’t it? Looking at her younger brother has always been pleasing to her, especially since they look too much alike.

“I am well aware, my Rosa. Must you always treat me as an unknowing child?” 

Her younger brother sighed, momentarily closing his eyes and shaking his head left and right, his greyish pink locks swaying with each movement. 

“But my dear, it seems that you are!” 

The radio demon replied to his question. This was one of the ways Alastor tried, in hopes of forgetting you. Spending time with his dearest friends was something he cherished, especially with how much he saw that they genuinely cared for him. But it was a bittersweet feeling. 

How differently would things be if you were still here?

“Word has it that she has finally returned.” 

The same figure from behind the two seated Overlords exclaimed, tone now an octave lower and stirring with an unknowing emotion. Was he trying to be cautious? Or was he trying to not be insensitive towards Alastor’s feelings? Well, whatever the reason, this topic was bound to surface in their conversations anytime soon, so might as well talk about it now.

“My Riose, that is not something you must bring up so suddenly!” 

The said young man let out a huff of air, out of amusement or interest, not quite sure. Gosh, he certainly is still like a child in the two Overlords’ eyes. With a shrug, Riose decided to change the topic. Man, he was expecting to hear more stories about the Arbiter, but that can wait another time perhaps. Once the radio demon has fully moved on, he supposed. 

Alastor knew you were back, he has connections after all. But he hated how he hoped so much that you’d meet again, after all these years. But that was closer to impossible, to be honest. He’s accepted that fact, not fully, but he’s trying. Trying to move on, trying to forget you.

Though Riose had a feeling that he’d share this stuff with you and tell you about the shit the radio demon has been ranting to him and his sister, and unfortunately, you don’t know if you want to let Alastor go yet.

[xf-cases-solved]

i am aware that this is likely not a new take at all, and i'm not like, claiming it as mine, but i never had the chance to have this opinion (or hear other ppl have this opinion) on a public forum before, so i just want to take this opportunity to say to another person, possibly for the first time with the exception of mb my mother, who is no longer here to agree with me, that "existence" came out when i was 8 years old, i watched it live, and literally the day i watched it i remember thinking to myself "why did they have a boy named william? they should have had a girl named samantha. OF COURSE they should have had a girl named samantha," like it felt so obvious to me

and tho i couldn't rly articulate it this clearly at the time, my little muddy 8 year old thought process was that the entire story of the xfiles starts with samantha, right? mulder has his beliefs bc samantha was taken; he says so in the very first episode. the whole reason he even thinks aliens are real to begin with is bc of samantha. the person he spent his whole life searching for was samantha. he MET SCULLY bc of samantha. samantha is the thread that ties the whole story together, so then how beautiful--how narratively perfect--would it have been to tie THEIR story--their love story (bc xfiles is, at the end of the day, a love story, fight me) up with a bow, where the beginning starts with samantha getting lost, and then ends with samantha there in their arms, finally found, just in a different iteration. (instead of naming the baby after mulder's dad who he doesn't even like? or scully's dad. or scully's brother. or mulder's middle name, which is after his father ik, but still, why are there so many fucking williams??)

like, imagine it. rly sit there and take a moment to imagine how the end scene in "existence" would have gone if mulder had said, "what are you going to name her," and scully had said, "samantha"

not only does it get the "ding ding ding, you're the dad!" point across, but how fucking Touched would mulder have been to have the woman he loves--the PERSON he loves--more than anything on earth honor the sister who took up so much of his soul for so long? who always will take up part of his soul, just in a healthier way. it would be scully saying, "we know she's gone from this world now, but she's not gone from our hearts" emphasis on OUR hearts, bc mulder's pain is scully's pain; mulder's quests are scully's quests. she never met her sister-in-law (they're married, fight me), and will never have the chance, but by naming their child after her, she would be saying, "i love her anyway. i love her because you love her, and because anyone you love deserves my love as well, bc we are intertwined at our core. our fundamental values, our suffering, our joy, it is felt in us both concurrently, bc i am your person, and you are mine, and together we made a whole other person who is a literal representation of our combined selves, and we are going to call her SAMANTHA, bc that little girl you watched get stolen from you however many decades ago has been the pillar that has kept us going as a team for the last eight years"

or maybe it would have been even simpler than that. maybe she would just be saying, "your sister is IMPORTANT, mulder, even in death, and her memory isn't held only by you. it is unrelenting, and preserved forever in our child"

i wanted that scene. i wanted to feel the heaviness of mulder's grief mixed with his elation and gratitude and love. i appreciate william for who he was in the scheme of things, but that moment in the bedroom, with their baby between them, shouldn't have been lessened for me bc they chose a name that made me pause and go "his dad was named william? oh yeah! forgot about that guy, it's been a few YEARS since we saw much of him, and what we did see of him wasn't like... awesome. but sure, name your baby that ig, if you must"

that scene should have hit so much harder, and if that baby had been a samantha? it could have hit like nothing ever has, and for all the mishaps that show took after that (and there were MANY), i think the thing i will always have the most resentment for is the fact that i felt robbed of something that would have meant so much to me as a viewer who had followed their journey from the start (or, well, almost start. i was born the year it came out, so i didn't start watching until 1998, when my brain came online, but i'd seen the past stuff at least)

anyway! that's all to say, 8 year old me was salty as hell about that, and ykno what? she was RIGHT and should have been able to say it. but, again, 2001, 8 years old, not old enough to participate in fandom, so that thought has just festered and rotted away in my brain like a piece of old, putrid meat. but! finally i can give my 8 year old self some catharsis by letting her bitch and bitch and bitch to her heart's content about how "existence" should have been the series finale, and how that baby should have been a girl named samantha, and how i climbed onto that hill 23 years ago, and how i will die there with my heels dug down deep

ty, internet, for coming to my extremely overdue tedtalk. somewhere in the past there is a small child (who definitely shouldn't have been allowed to watch xfiles as young as she did, but what can you do?) finally has a weight off of her chest. it's just a tv show, and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter, but also, it's a tv show that i grew up with in my formative and unfortunately very traumatic years, and it genuinely feels like a loved one who has always been there to comfort me, and so yeah, it doesn't "matter," but the truth is, it Matters so incredibly much

that's all

-diz

[raichukfm]

I played Undertale recently. My favorite character is Chara. No, I didn't kill anybody. I am going to go on about them, now.

Spoilers for Undertale, all the routes. "It came out nearly a decade ago!" Yeah and I first played it last week and was happily surprised by the sheer amount of things I hadn't been spoiled on, so. Have a courtesy warning! Also courtesy warning: Too many fucking words. I'm sorry.

As a preface: Undertale really genuinely touched me. I bring this up as a preface because I think it's important to why it is exactly I feel how I feel, and that is important to how I perceived Chara.

And it having such an impact honestly surprised me; Undertale seemed cute and fun but silly and something I had felt… prepared for? Like, inadvertently, from hearing about it and its characters for so long. And for some parts early on, I was, at least in part. I liked Sans and Papyrus from the start, but in the way that I liked a gimmick, and it took time for the enjoyment to get more and more… not genuine, it already was, but I can't find the word I'm looking for. I guess it struck me with less artificiality? It started actually getting to me. This was happening throughout the whole length of things, like, I really genuinely liked Toriel basically from the start, but the farther in I got the more it was happening. Actually, looking back, the intro cinematic really hit for me in a way that should have clued me in that this game was going to get me.

Because I really connected with Chara as the character I was playing as, to an extent that honestly really surprised me? It felt emotionally resonant. Admittedly, naming Chara the way that I did probably did a fair amount of lifting there; I used a nickname of mine that isn't used that often. I think that hit more than it would have if I had used one of my first names, since it was distant enough to easily have differentiation while also close enough to feel so immediately personal. Chara is someone where most things with them are up to interpretation, but I just had a specific interpretation readily and naturally come to me.

Of course, I knew the Chara and Frisk distinction beforehand, and that informed my interpretation pretty heavily; but I hadn't really heard much of anything about Chara other than the Genocide Route stuff, prior. I mostly saw them treated as like some pure evil nasty may-as-well-have-been-demon. I hadn't been reading like narraChara theories or anything (amazing name, 10/10 whoever coined it). I just landed there naturally. When Undertale was giving the early hints that Chara had actually come before the human you played as, like in the garbage dump, it only amplified those feelings.

My read was that I as the player I was, largely, controlling Frisk's actions, but seeing Chara's thoughts. Every time I saw or heard memories, they were Chara's. But I don't think Chara was in control of the body or anything. I think Chara was there tagging along as an observer, at first not sure what exactly was happening or understanding why; but linked to Frisk's SOUL and so having Frisk's feelings resonate through them. So, they decided to help. They not only lent their lingering Determination but also just tried to help Frisk stay determined in the normal sense. But that was what they were doing: Not acting, but watching Frisk's actions and feeling their feelings.

And in my playthrough, Frisk was a dogged pacifist who was very reluctant to even slightly hurt anyone and very willing to put themselves into terrible danger because of that. And I think seeing that, feeling the feelings behind it resonating with them, made Chara a better person. A profoundly better person. Just in itself, the way it would anyone, but… Here's an example of the best of humanity, that same humanity they despised. Here's someone willing to refuse violence even if it puts them at risk of dying, even actually dying once before they discovered they could LOAD even after death, if they remained determined. Someone who again and again and again takes attacks and doesn't fight back unless it's absolutely necessary, who sees a whole people that have time and time again just tried to callously kill them and keeps choosing to help them. To trust them, and reach out to them, again and again and again, and who each time is proven right. Even when there's nothing to reach out to but dead human children whose SOULs had been absorbed for power by an entity whose power was represented in their SAVE by the highest numbers expressible there.

I think seeing all of that really challenged Chara's worldview in general and view of humanity in particular. I think they understood that they had been wrong, and done wrong.

And then Frisk goes back one more time to set things right and save everyone. Chara is there experiencing what Frisk is feeling as they go through that lab, as they learn about Determination... when they find those videotapes and learn about how Chara died intentionally, hoping to wreak violence on humanity and then break the Barrier. And Chara learns that Flowey was their adoptive brother, all along. Sees with what must be horror what has become of sweet little Asriel, knowing that this only happened because of then. Understanding what Asriel chose in the end, why he chose it, and now seeing what trying to make up for that 'mistake' had done to him. And Chara sees Frisk try so hard to save him, even after everything he's done, just because he's another person. And Chara does everything they can to help Frisk, together mustering enough Determination to deny death itself, as many times as needed, until Frisk does it. Reaches out to Asriel and helps him to get over what happened enough to stop fighting, to start to heal, to give up on godhood... To use a moment of unity to bring down the Barrier without needing to hurt anyone else.

And Chara watched their brother realize that Frisk isn't them, and that that is good. That Frisk is a better person, and one whom Asriel wishes he could have had in his life before, as he admits to himself that Chara wasn't a good person. And Chara lets go. They let Frisk and everyone else go to their happy ending, while they stay behind.

And then Asriel and Chara have one last moment, in the game. Chara comes back and Asriel, even once again lacking a SOUL, cares enough about everyone else to ask Chara to let them be happy, to not tear them away from everything. But Asriel doesn't trust Chara, and so asks that if they are going to rip them out of their happy ending… do it to him too. Don't make him sit through everything repeating. Don't make him become deadened all over again by seeing everything play out over and over and over again in countless variations. And then he imagines that this exchange has happened again and again and again and Chara must be tired of hearing it. Because that is what Chara would do, isn't it?

But Chara doesn't say anything. Maybe they can't, maybe they just choose not to. Instead, they let their brother say goodbye to them. And then they choose to let go. Chara couldn't be the one to save Asriel; it had to be Frisk. Once Frisk has... What waits for them and their brother… I don't know. But I hope they can be happy. I hope they got their closure. And, maybe vainly, I hope they can find some way to have each other again, but healthily this time. But that's for them, not for me. Maybe one or both choose to let go entirely and fade away, return to the death that had once taken them. All I've got is hopes for the future of these people that aren't even real.

Immersion is a powerful thing, huh?

...

So, about the Genocide Route. There's a lot of characterization for Chara there, and some for Asriel too. I know people tend to read the Genocide Route as Chara taking Frisk over and unleashing their preexisting violent impulses, but I really don't think that's right. I don't think that route shows what Chara was like before much at all. I think the Genocide Route is what happens when Chara finds themselves brought back from the pall of death, given some sort of second chance, and all they can do in it is watch Frisk murder everyone they encounter. When they see their mother get murdered in cold blood, and can feel how little Frisk cared about her while doing it. When all they can feel when it happens is that sick sense of pleasure at an accomplishment. When they're forced to find some kind of meaning in that, some reason for why they were brought back and made to be complicit in this, some purpose to this existence.

And they find it. They find it in their idea of numerical invincibility, and they cling to it. And they are abraded down until all that's left of them is their worst impulses stripped of context, magnified, and then redefined under the light of this 'purpose'… and that sick sense of accomplishment. More and more, Chara wears down to this thing that only cares about power and violence, and more and more Chara loses their sense of distinction from Frisk, sees these actions as their own; or maybe they become more and more able to exert control of the actions as they redefine themselves to be better at wielding power. Either way, Chara murders their father. Chara murders their brother. Then Chara destroys humanity, not even out of hatred, but simply for the sake of power. They destroy all the monsters they missed, too. Only power matters; the gaining of it, and also the exercise of it for its own sake. The only thing they don't destroy is Frisk, their reliable partner, the one who showed them their purpose. The one they are perversely grateful to, but will betray the moment it suits them, now that they have the power to do so.

I've heard a lot about how this is criticism of RPG players, and I can see that but more and more I don't think that the purpose of this is to moralize, or at least that that's not the only purpose. Because this shows Chara become their worst self, this epitome of power in a husk of a person. Someone who wasn't a great person from the start falls to horrific depths. And then they can't climb back out. You can't help them out. Chara defines themselves as Numbers Go Up because after all this trauma from the first moment that their plan went awry and Asriel held back their powers, and they both died a second time… All they have refuge in is that belief in invincibility. Chara believes you can escape suffering if you become the strongest thing in the world. And so Chara does just that. And it's all they can hold onto, because it's the only thing holding them together.

But really they're just another lost soul who you no longer have the power to save or comfort or bring positive emotions to, someone tricking themselves into thinking they're an unfeeling demon beyond sentimentality just to feel like they have some control, so they can delight in exercising power over others without guilt or regret.

Frisk can give them their SOUL and Chara doesn't change, doesn't really feel anything more, no matter what Frisk shows them. Because they've closed their heart to those feelings. You can't take this back. You can't save them. They're the only person you can't save. Sometimes, when you hurt people you make them worse and you can't be the one to help them after that. And you can't cheat. Whatever you do… Chara remembers it. You can't just take it back, can't do it over. You can only look on in horror at what Chara has become and accept or deny your fault in it.

In the Pacifist Route… I think Chara feels something like that when learning that Flowey was Asriel all along, and knowing it was their fault.

It's easy to blame what Asriel became on the lack of his SOUL. But I really believe that's not what it was. Maybe that does dull feelings, but you don't need a SOUL to love, to care. We see that, with Asriel-as-Flowey asking Chara to leave the others to their happy ending. We can see it in how Chara, at their worst, gets a SOUL and gets no better. How Chara, with a SOUL, does not understand the sentimentality still held by the player who has already given up theirs. Flowey didn't become a monster because of the lack of his SOUL. He was a traumatized little kid who couldn't get his life back, couldn't get his sibling back, but had the power to evade consequences and abused it to try and cope until it further wore down his ability to care. So he retreated to seeing things as less than real to cope with it all, resorted to cruelty and vindictiveness just to feel something.

Where Asriel as Flowey makes a performative show of his petty cruelty and vindictiveness, Chara dresses it up with dispassion and a veneer of objective judgement. But, deep down? They're the same. If you don't let yourself feel anything you can't be hurt.

The Genocide Route isn't some creepypasta about a demon taking over an innocent. Nothing so convenient as that. Because the point is that you choose to do it. You do it, and you choose it every step of the way, and only at the very very end does it become too late to turn back. So it fits it better, I think, if it's not about Chara corrupting Frisk... But about you corrupting Chara. Whether that you is Frisk, or you the player, you make someone who was a bad person to start with so much worse.

Asriel was pressured and manipulated by Chara and became a worse person for it, and then retreated to the toxic ideology of "kill or be killed" to cope with that and further trauma, as well as denying his own emotionality in an attempt to make himself invincible. And in the Genocide Route, Chara does the exact same fucking thing. A different toxic ideology, that the only thing that matters is acquiring power, a different mask to deny their emotions which is impassive rather than irreverent, but so similar. Beat for beat. Even down to the fact that Asriel still idolized the person who hurt him, considered them special, the only person worth caring about: Chara wants you to come with them to conquer and destroy new worlds, considers you the perfect partner, doesn't kill you even when you try to resist them, even keeps remaking the world for you when you ask despite already getting your SOUL the first time. You showed them the truth of their existence, after all, even without meaning to. Just as Chara showed Asriel that this world is kill or be killed, even without meaning to.

So… Knowing that all of this could happen…

It adds a lot, I think, to the Pacifist Ending. To Chara getting better, growing as a person and helping everyone, learning they were wrong about the world and humanity, and letting power go. Letting Frisk go. Letting everyone go. Hearing out Asriel's grievances with what they did and accepting them. Just being happy that Asriel could be saved along with everyone else, before the end, despite the negative impact they had had on him and how coming back as a flower no one recognized as him fucked him up even worse.

I just like those two poor siblings, and can't help but be sympathetic to somebody young making a nasty plan with good intentions but without a real appreciation for what they were doing. I am so glad that such a tragic and awful thing got better the way it did, amidst everyone else getting their happy ending. And I think Chara just gets me so much because they become so much better than they were to begin with, and because I felt I was there with them. Immersion is a powerful thing. But maybe even more than that... It's that Frisk doesn't save Chara. Frisk can't save Chara. Frisk can just give Chara the chance they needed to save themselves.

[bogwaterparasite]

Stalking

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Paring: Miles Morales-42 x Reader

WC: 2.1k

CW: None

A/N: Third chapter and oh lord… no wonder this project was abandoned LMFAOOOO, uhm, well!! I hope you guys enjoy this? I practically rewrote the entire thing but kept the whole plot I had in mind at the moment, so you might see a change in the writing. It seems like I also only had 3 chapters, and honestly? I don’t know where to take it from here.

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Growing up teaches you a harsh reality that not many are able to accept, days off are a myth. Even when you're supposed to be relaxing, there's always something demanding your attention. For high school students like me, "free time" is just another opportunity to study, to prepare for the next exam, to keep that perfect grade that might not even matter in the grand scheme of things. Weekends become a continuous cycle of burning words and numbers into your brain, hoping to maintain that elusive 100 on a piece of paper.

This particular weekend, I found myself drawn home to study, seeking some undefined comfort in family proximity. Looking back, I'm not sure it was the smartest decision.

The cacophony of my family home crashed against my already frayed nerves. My mother's music battled with the construction-level noise of my younger nephews, her occasional disciplinary yells cutting through the chaos. The two earbuds wedged in my ears offered minimal protection, more a psychological shield than an actual sound barrier. Typically this wouldn’t have bothered me, my family is huge and the years of being in this exact position should’ve made me immune to the noise, but no. Stress has a way of amplifying every sound, every movement, until the world feels like it's pressing down on you.

When my nephew's cry pierced through my music, something inside me cracked. I needed to escape before I joined him in tears.

"Alvaro Deja eso ah- Mija? Where are you going? Do you have practice today or something?"

My mom paused her cleaning, lowering the vacuum's roar and dimming her music. I fumbled with my shoes, leaning against the wall for support as I struggled to slip on the boots.

"No, I'm gonna head to the coffee shop for something to eat. I'm craving a croissant," I replied, managing a light chuckle.

She rolled her eyes. "Tu y esas cochinadas.. Be back before dinner, alright? And don't fill yourself up with food, it's bad for you!"

"Yeah yeah, I know."

After finally getting able to get the shoes on my feet, I proceeded to pick up the bag on the floor, quickly slipping it over my shoulder before walking to her side, giving a quick kiss on her cheek, and practically bolting through the door.

Brooklyn's streets were a symphony of urban noise - horns honking, construction drilling, people chattering. But with my earbuds firmly in place, the world transformed. As corny as it sounds, the music became my runway, and suddenly, I was more than just a stressed teenager. I was a model, head high, stride confident, face stoic. It was a momentary escape, a fantasy that I fabricated to escape the reality that haunted me, a fantasy that lasted right up until the mortifying thought of someone reading my mind would snap me back to reality.

The familiar cafe welcomed me, a sanctuary of warmth and routine. In the corner behind the counter you could see, and hear, Linda and her husband, an elderly couple who'd run this place for decades, who continued their eternal love story. They laughed like teenagers, their connection a beacon of hope in a world of fleeting connections and situationships. Some part of me hoped someday I would be able to have something like that, a relationship so full of love despite being together for so long. But during this day and age? It’s highly unlikely

I took out the earbuds from my ears, pausing the music from my phone as Linda greeted me with her usual brightness. We chatted about school, her children, their latest adventures. Talking with her was like a breath of fresh air, a small moment of genuine human connection that could lift even the heaviest mood.

After our conversation, I settled at a window counter, laptop out, diving deep into my studies. The world around me dissolved. Sounds became a distant buzz, my focus laser-sharp on the screen, analyzing every word, every detail.

"Weirdo..."

The coffee shop had always been his sanctuary - a place of quiet study just blocks from home. Today, however, something felt different. Different, because *she* was also there.

Miles caught sight of her hunched over her laptop, that distinctive hairstyle instantly recognizable. A smile crept across his lips before he could stop it. He'd never considered himself particularly social. Just days ago, she was just another face in his biology class - someone who existed out of the corner of his eye, boring and easily ignored. So why couldn't he stop thinking about her now?

Grabbing his usual drink, Miles approached her table with a casualness that mimicked his usual demeanor. He sat down besides her, avoiding any direct interaction with her. Don't seem desperate. Don't seem like you're trying

The window became his focal point, the shield against his confusing emotions. Each sip of his drink was calculated, each glance carefully measured. But concentration proved impossible. Ten minutes passed, and she remained completely absorbed in her studies, unaware of his presence.

An unfamiliar restlessness grew inside him. Irritation? Curiosity? His emotions tangled themselves into something he couldn't quite name..

Finally, he turned. His cheek rested against his knuckles while studying her profile. *Should I say something? Would she even notice?* The internal debate felt ridiculous. He, Miles Morales, was overthinking an interaction with a classmate who’s name he couldn’t even remember… ironic.

When she finally looked up, the shift in her expression was fascinating. Initial confusion transformed into recognition, surprise prominent in her face. His own lips quirked into an unexpected smile, a small laugh following afterward.

"I was wondering how long it was going to take you," he found himself speaking first, the words coming out more confident than he felt. "You need to be more aware of your surroundings, especially in public spaces. Someone could've stolen something, and you'd have no clue."

It was a deflection, really. A way to cover the fact that he'd been watching her, wondering about her, trying to understand this sudden fascination that seemed to consume him whole these last few days. His friends would never believe this. The guy known for his stoic demeanor, practically staking out a spot just to sit near someone who, mere days ago, he'd found merely tolerable? It was ridiculous.. laughable, and that just made him feel even more ridiculous.

"Are you stalking me or something?"

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could fully comprehend the situation. Before the day he lost his sketchbook, he could be compared to a ghost. A person I only saw during biology, but now? He was everywhere!! The library, the hallways, the goddamned coffee shop that I frequented.. it was only plausible to assume he was doing it on purpose!

To my surprise, he laughed at the accusation. Not a small chuckle, but a genuine, full-bodied laugh that seemed to surprise even him. His usual sharp features softened, revealing a vulnerability I'd never seen before. This all just made it contagious, a smile tugging at my lips before I started to laugh as well.

“I think it should be me asking you that question.. suddenly you’re everywhere I go. It’s getting creepy” he spoke, his laugh diminishing yet leaving a small smile remaining on his lips.

“Let me remind you that I was here first” I answered, resting my elbow on the table and leaning my cheek against the palm of my hand, “and besides, I am not the weirdo that sat there staring at an oblivious person for god knows how long”

My intentions were to tease him, however, his reaction made me realize that it indeed wasn’t the way it played out. His smile faded, his eyes falling on the window once more as he coughed to clear his throat. My smile slowly faded as well, looking away sheepishly. Maybe I’m getting too comfortable too soon? I mean, we just started talking to each other not too long ago.. I’m definitely being weird.

“Anywho..” Imitating his actions, I coughed to clear my throat. Shutting my computer close and stuffing it back into the bag. “I was already done either way. I’ll get out of your territory now”

As I was about to stand up he reached over for my bag, yanking it away and looking up to meet my eyes once again

“Chill ma, I didn’t say you had to leave” he replied nonchalantly, placing the bag back on the floor next to the bar stool where I once sat “what test were you studying for?”

As we talked, the initial awkwardness I had created dissipated. He wasn't just the intimidating boy from biology class anymore, he was something more like… a friend? I couldn’t quite place what I could associate him with. He spoke passionately about his art, his hands moving expressively, his eyes lighting up with each story. I found myself captivated, not just by his words, but by the way he revealed layers of himself I'd never imagined existed.

My gaze drifted, tracing the lines of his face - his long braids, those sharp yet soft eyes, the subtle curve of his lips, simple and minuscule details I hadn’t ever taken the time to notice. Part of me felt regret for not seeking out a relationship with him before, despite all the opportunities that I was given at the time.

Those thoughts consumed me whole, given away by the fact that I continued shamelessly staring. When he caught onto the fact, I quickly looked away, heat rising to my cheeks.

"Hey, are you even listening?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry, I zoned out," I mumbled.

“Figured.” He replied quickly, taking out his phone from his pocket and checking the time “it’s getting pretty late out. You should head home soon”

Checking my phone, I realized I was well past my mother's expected return time. Panic seized me.

"Shit... I've got to go!"

I gathered my things in a whirlwind, promising to see him at school, leaving Miles alone in the cafe.

Miles found himself trapped in a dangerous dance of denial. He was spending time with someone he'd previously dismissed, and the very thought made him uncomfortable. People had always seemed to speak about her fondly - mentions in passing during lunch, casual comments about her wit or intelligence, even his own friends had made a few comments about her in some of their classes, but he'd never paid attention. To it

When she sat back down, a strange mix of relief coursed through him, straightening himself out for a moment before returning to his typical relaxed stance

The conversation was typical of those who were just beginning to meet each other, casual comments about their classes, stuff at school.. but then the inevitable topic slipped from her lips. Art.

His whole life, art had become somewhat of a lifeline for him, an escape from a world that could either be your worst enemy or your best friend. He began talking about his passion, the way colors blended, how a single brushstroke could tell an entire story. His hands moved animatedly, revealing a vulnerability he rarely showed. Each word was a piece of himself, carefully being unwrapped and presented to her with an ease that seemed to amaze even himself.

But something was off. Her gaze seemed... different. Not quite listening, but not disinterested either. She was looking at him with an intensity that made him simultaneously uncomfortable and exhilarated.

'Am I boring her?' The thought crashed into him like a tidal wave, a new sense of nervousness beginning to rise within him. Stopping mid sentence, he began eying her carefully. Her gaze was fixed on him, her attention also focused on his being, yet not really his words. Something about her stare felt different. Admiring? Analyzing? The distinction blurred.

"Hey..? Are you listening to me?"

The spell broke. She apologized, something shifting in the air between them. He had planned to ask for her number, to formally start... something. A friendship? More? But before he could gather his thoughts, she was gone.

The walk home was a wind whirl of emotions. His mind battled with the newfound sense of intrigue that overwhelmed him whenever she was around. The questions circled like vultures, offering no resolution to his problem.

His home greeted him with a familiar emptiness. "Pa, Ma, I'm back!" The words echoed through silent rooms. His father was perpetually chasing a promotion, his mother working endless hospital shifts. Loneliness was a familiar companion.

Dropping into his chair, Miles pulled out his books. Study materials stared back, a reminder of why he'd gone to the coffee shop in the first place. Yet all he could think about was her - the way she looked at him, the conversation they'd shared.

"Stupid"

Hi hi!!! I hope you enjoyed this one last snippet, just as I was finishing with the edits I remembered some of the original story that I was gonna go with! Yet, I don’t really find the whole plot line of the female character becoming Spider-Man very interesting… I know a lot of yall don’t comment, but if you have been enjoying the story so far and decide that’s something you would like, please let me know! Otherwise I have a few alternatives to it.

[babytarttdoodoo]

The team somehow find out about what Jamie’s dad did in Amsterdam and are horrified/furious.

I’m skipping ahead to write this one because it won’t leave my brain alone. I apologise to all readers for the pain this is about to inflict.

If it makes you feel better, I am not okay after writing it.

It will also be in multiple parts since I really feel like the Reveal and the Reaction are things that need separate room to breathe.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (pending)

(Prompt Fill Masterpost)

—

It came down to the timing, really.

Every locker room Jamie had ever been in had worked its way around to this topic sooner or later. Especially in the Academy, where the typical teenaged obsession with ‘who had done it’ reigned supreme.

Jamie had never had a problem with it. He’d shrugged or laughed or lied and no one ever called him out. He was Jamie Fucking Tartt, after all.

He’d never had to breathe a word about Amsterdam.

Telling Roy had been a spur of the moment decision, and one that hadn’t really bothered him at the time. It hadn’t fundamentally altered their friendship or made Roy tiptoe around him (thank fuck).

But his reaction - Jesus. Must have been traumatising. - had played on Jamie’s mind. So much so that when his talks with Dr Sharon had broached the subject of ‘intimacy’, he thought it was probably worth bringing up.

Yeah. That conversation had gone a bit differently.

And now, here Jamie was, two days into processing his freshly unpacked trauma and his teammates were cheerfully regaling each other with stories about losing their virginity.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

“It was my last night before flying out here.” Sam was telling the group, a sweet, bashful smile on his face.

“Didn’t know you’d had a girlfriend back home.” Isaac chimed in.

“We had already decided to break up, instead of doing the whole long-distance thing,” Sam explained. “It was a nice way to say goodbye, though.”

There was a general sound of agreement and Richard took the opportunity to launch into a questionable story about charming a runway model at the ripe age of 17.

Jamie just continued getting changed in silence, letting the voices wash over him and trying not to let the sudden nausea show on his face. Removing his jersey felt like a Herculean task when all he wanted to do was get the fuck out of here.

Sam’s experience sounded like something out of one of Ted’s rom-coms. That was good. That’s what someone as nice as Sam deserved.

What had Jamie deserved, then?

He quickly cut off that line of thought. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to think about it. Not here. Not now.

It was like trying to cover up an open wound when everyone else had a morbid impulse to poke at it.

A ripple of laughter pulled him back to the room and set his teeth on edge. He pulled a fresh shirt over his head and tried to breathe through the swelling, pulsating anger and shame that threatened to surface.

It was utter bullshit. He hadn’t thought about what had happened with anything more than vague disgust and detachment for years. A whole decade, even. Fuck Dr Sharon and Roy and all these giggling idiots for changing that.

“Oi, you’ve gone quiet, Jamie.”

A few curious eyes turned in his direction and the only thing that stopped him from shrinking away was years of playing at being untouchable.

Instead, Jamie scoffed and plastered on a smile, hiding his fists in his clothes and digging his nails as deep into his palms as they would go. “Eh, a gentleman never tells, mate.”

But he had hesitated a second too long and he saw the potential for mischief light up in a few faces. They knew him too well, he realised, the knowledge churning in his gut.

He wasn’t Jamie Fucking Tartt here. He was just Jamie.

“You are not a gentleman.” Richard stated bluntly, eyebrows raised and a grin playing at the corners of his mouth.

“That is true.” Jan agreed, because of course he fucking did. “You have bragged many times about being with women.”

“What happened, amigo?” It wasn’t fucking fair that Dani sounded so genuinely interested.

“Maybe she didn’t like his pink pants.” Isaac threw in and it drew another round of laughter. The noise echoed in Jamie’s head.

He knew, he knew they were just teasing because they didn’t know better. They were being dickheads because they were always kind of dickheads to each other. It was banter. On any other day it would be fine.

His neon underwear had nearly caused a riot the week before and it had been hilarious.

Why couldn’t he just act like it was funny now?

“It’s none of your fucking business.” he finally managed, not quite keeping the harsh edge out of his tone. He turned away and pretended to be looking for something in his bag so he wouldn’t have to meet anyone’s eyes.

“C’mon, mate, can’t be more embarrassing than mine.” Colin added easily, utterly comfortable with the conversation, in spite of all the implications it had for him specifically. Jamie really fucking admired that.

He was ridiculously, fiercely envious of it.

“Guys, he doesn’t have to talk about it if he doesn’t want to.” Sam admonished lightly. He was offering him a liferaft and it rankled at Jamie in all the wrong ways.

He didn’t need fucking saving. He wasn’t some soft, delicate little thing that needed Sam Obisanya of all people rushing to his rescue.

Suddenly, he was speaking without having made any conscious decision to do so.

“14.” Jamie’s voice was too loud, too sharp in this safe space that on any other day felt like home. But his fingers were clenching and unclenching, and his shoulders were coiled tight, and there was a rushing in his ears.

The vitriol pooled like acid on his tongue and Jamie couldn’t help but spew it out before it began to eat him away.

“I were 14.” He smirked and it felt wrong. It felt cruel and bitter. He rounded on Colin and relished in the flicker of unease that crossed his face. “No fucking idea how old she were but I can tell you how much my dad paid for her to fuck me straight.”

The silence should have been oppressive, he thought distantly. The way the air stilled should have made it hard to breathe. The colour leaching from not just Colin’s face, but Jan’s and Richard’s on either side, should have been concerning.

It just felt freeing, in a twisted, emptying sort of way.

“Jamie-”

“No! No, it’s alright!” Jamie turned wild eyes and a manic grin on Sam, finding it abstractly funny that the younger player took a step back. “You wanted details, right?”

He shrugged, looking around at the slack faces of his teammates. He’d moved forward, he realised, making himself the centre of attention. Typical.

“Tell you what, yeah? Next time we’re in Amsterdam, I’ll take you all on a little tour. Don’t remember her name but I’m pretty sure I could find the place again, no problem.”

And he probably could. He remembered his dad talking to some bloke smoking in a doorway while Jamie stood in the rain, confused. He remembered loud people and neon lights all around. He remembered how the place had smelled when he’d been pulled inside…

Someone else was saying his name now. He didn’t care. He just got louder.

“You wanted a show, didn’t you Thierry? We could put on a repeat performance. Play-by-play reenactment, ‘cept you’ve got to think I can do better now, right? Better with age and all that.”

Arms closed around him from behind and whatever vile shit he was about to spray out into the atmosphere died in his throat. Jamie’s entire body bucked, trying to break away.

“Fuck off!”

It didn’t sound like his voice, a screeching snarl that cracked partway through.

“Jamie.” Roy’s voice in his ear. Roy’s arms around his chest. “Jamie. Stop. Don’t make it worse.”

And what response was there to that except to laugh? Fucking hilarious, that one. Too little too fucking late.

Jamie only registered that he was being half pulled, half carried out of the locker room when the laughter started to hitch in his chest. When the air wasn’t coming like it was supposed to. When Roy manhandled him into an office chair and the tears started in earnest.

All the fight went out of him like a marionette with its strings cut and he just cried.

(TBC)

[copiousloverofcopia]

I could also use some more Papa Terzo getting his face sat on by anyone. nemA. 🙏

Hey there ghestie!!!

I have so many things in the works for you lol but to start here's a little taste....no pun intended.

For your reading pleasure....

Smeared Paint

Featuring Terzo x reader for some face sitting/riding fun 😏

Also available HERE on AO3!

Definitely NSFW below the cut

"Are you sure about this?" you asked him. Your thighs tingling in anticipation. Trying hard to stop your legs from shaking as your wet core hovered just above his painted lips. 

"Si, sorella…now sit. I'm growing impatient." Terzo whined. Licking a trail up your thigh. Teasing his hot breath at your folds. You let out a sigh, ready to feel his mouth on you—insides pulsing just at the thought.

After all, he preferred it this way. Face buried into your folds. Ready to give his life in worship of your cunt. And though you had been his altar many times before, you always hesitated, worried you may facilitate his meeting Lucifer before his time. 

Before you could say anything else, the choice was made for you. Terzo quickly wrapped his arms around your thighs. Fingers dug deep into the flesh as he pulled you down hard on his face. The tender flesh of your cunt meeting with his mouth. 

"Ah!" You cried out. His sinful tongue slithered its way from your taint to your clit. Dipping into your opening a moment before he continued on. Lapping at you like melted gelato on a hot summer day. Both of you moaning as you instinctively rolled yourself over his face. The vibrations from his enthusiasm—heading straight to your clit. 

"Hmm... Sorella, la tua figa ha un sapore così buono. Come il frutto divino dell'albero proibito…" Terzo praised as he came up for air. His decadent words–followed by a string of moaning and indiscernible Italian. 

"Mmm…yeah…mmm…" you moaned. Your pussy gliding with ease across the broadness of his tongue. Terzo, kissing and nipping and sucking on your folds and you rode his face. You became lost in pleasure, grinding on him with wild abandon. Overwhelmed in your lustful haze.

You tried to raise up, but you were quickly forced back down. Terzo holding you, like a vice grip against his mouth. Your whole cunt dripping with his saliva—messy and wet as he continued. The pressure built up inside you, slowly starting to release. 

"Oh Papa, I wanna cum." You mewled; hand grabbed firmly on a tuft of raven black hair before you. Terzo staring up at you as he devoured you. Gently sucking on your lips and sliding his tongue once more over your cunt. 

"Then cum." He told you, his voice full of that suave, devilish charm that had made you fall for him in the first place. "Give me communion sorella." 

That was enough to send you over, yanking harder on his hair. Terzo hissing, his paints smeared all over his face and the inside of your thighs. Mixing for a perfect shade of gray. 

You came. The third Emeritus son drinking you down like the richest of wines. Savoring the notes of pleasure, divined in the way you tasted. Your fluids running over the corners of his smiling mouth. Still refusing to release his hold on you. 

You were breathless and spent, finding yourself falling. Collapsing down beside him in the ocean of violet sheets. A smile on your face—speaking to your lover's skill. Maybe you'd be the one to die from the sheer ecstasy he brought you.

You kept your eyes closed. Enjoying listening to the sound of your shared breathing, when you felt Terzo get up. Taking hold of your legs and flipping you onto your stomach. Pulling you up on your knees before you could even speak. 

"Ass up sorella. I'm not done with you yet." Terzo teased. 

"Oh!" You called out as he guided the swell of your ass higher in the air. Marveling at the sight of it, before adding two fingers carefully into your entrance. Pressing hard and deep into the bundle of nerves. Cloaked within you—a place only he was able to find. 

"That's a good girl sorella." Terzo praised you as you rolled your hips back against his fingers. Terzo glided his hand across your ass. His fingers sprayed out over it before giving you a good smack. Your cunt, jolting back even harder onto his hand. Face pressed against the bed, trying your best to quiet your moans. The mid-morning rendezvous, proving to be more noisy than you intended. 

"Tell me how bad you want his cock sorella. How much you long for my fingers to be replaced with it. So I can fill you and have you dripping with me." Terzo commanded. 

"Uh! Fuck…Yes!" You called out as he made you cum again on his hand. 

"Tell me what you want." He ordered you, removing his fingers and stroking himself with your slick. Cock hard and at attention and ready to do as promised.

"I want your cock. Please…"

"Please, what?" He taunted. Allowing the plump, leaking head of his cock to tap against your core. 

"Fuck! Papa! Please!" You cried, desperate for it now. Terzo, giving a sinister smile as he obliged you. Slamming himself through your folds and taking hold of the lush curves of your thighs. Pounding inside you with full fervor. 

"See…all you need is to ask nicely…" 

"Mmm…Papa, yes. Ah…ah…." You moaned, feeling him spreading you out. Pressing all around inside, your body tugging against him with every thrust. You began to compress around him. Clamping down on his cock as you began to cum. Practically screaming now in your pleasure. Both sure the whole of the Abbey could hear you. Not that either of you cared. 

"That's it…ah…yes…sorella…" Terzo groaned. Quickly losing his stride as your pussy fluttered around him. "Your. Cunt. Is. Mine." He growled as you felt him kick inside you. His burning seed, flooding deep inside. Your Papa, continuing his movements until he was sure you were stuffed full. 

He hung limp over you. Kissing the small of your back as he pulled his softened cock from inside you. Continuing his row of kisses as he met with your ass. Coming to lay beside you and shielding you from the cool air with the cover of his sheets.

"That was incredible…" you began before you realized what day it was, "...uh…Papa. Isn't it your day for confession?" You asked. 

"Oh shit, yes!" Terzo panicked. Springing up from the bed in a fury. Rummaging around the room for his discarded vestments. Quickly redressing before giving your forehead a kiss. "I'll be back for you later." He smiled attempting to head out the door. 

"Wait! Wait! You can't go out like that!" You told him. He turned to face you, eyebrow perked and that puzzled look on his face.

"And why not?"

"Your paints!" You told him, half laughing, motioning to your lap that looked like a grayscale painting. 

Terzo smirked, "Hmph…let them see."

Notes:

Hmm...Sister, your pussy tastes so good. Like divine fruit from the forbidden tree. -Hmm... Sorella, la tua figa ha un sapore così buono. Come il frutto divino dell'albero proibito.

[ipatrichor]

my thoughts on dead boy detectives after watching episode one

okay first of all i gotta say i love the vibe. two ghosty boys running around solving cases and helping trapped spirits move on? that's so fun i love them

tbh. i don't know whats going on btween these two if it's platonic romantic whatever and i don't think any distinction can be drawn that matters. maybe that's the aro in me but they are each other's most important person and who cares about the semantics!!!

charles trying to get edwin to learn self-defense is very sweet. however i will say girl how has this not happened sooner. you literally just got chased through london by a knife ghost and your next case involves fistfighting a possessed psychic Please learn to throw a punch minimum. i would say learning how to fall properly is more important but it's not like they can get more dead. so.

unless they go to the afterlife or something i guess? interesting stakes, especially with the lady from the end of the episode who's looking for them. also the scene hanging outside the window was very sweet, with edwin promising he won't let them get separated. at this point i think it could go either way whether that was to establish their dynamic or to foreshadow, so we'll have to wait and see if the promise holds, but either way very touching moment

crystal my girl crystal!!!! i love her so much holy shit she is so messy!!!! i love love love her getting angry about her shitty situation bc. yeah! that's scary as hell having amnesia bc ur literal demon ex stole your memories and she's got no one except the boys, one of whom very openly doesn't want her around. that's really rough and i Love that she blows up at them about it in a moment of extreme stress instead of being unnaturally chill about an objectively awful situation like many mystical characters (especially when they're women)

anyway i think crystal should get a knife and stabbing privileges. she'd for sure misuse them but i think it'd be funny

edwin is so real for the 70 years in hell thing. girl if i was in the torture dimension for SEVEN DECADES i'd be awful to everyone, it's actually impressive that he restrains himself to being a petty bitch. good for him tbh, i think he's earned the snark. don't get me wrong it's unhelpful and sometimes downright mean, but it's also funny so i'm letting it slide

the witch... esther i think? god what do i say about her. ok im first gonna start with this: she's fucking chilling, it's so scary watching her body the group with ease until charles basically hail-marys and possesses her AND EVEN THEN it's for less than a minute til she forces him out!! it feels like encountering the bbeg when your party is level five- you know you can't touch her and have to play the situation carefully so she doesn't just end you, and the win is getting away with a different objective (here saving the kid) while knowing she's gonna be actively hostile to you now. scary stuff!

idk if this is the popular opinion or not but i just don't find her hot 😭 like yeah she's serving incredible cunt, but her awful pta mom energy keeps that from being attractive. idk if it's the mommy issues but i would feel unsafe and constantly judged in her presence which is usually a dealbreaker for me finding people hot. sorry ma'am i deeply respect your vibe and the cunt you serve i would just avoid u like hell if u were real

the whole snake in a bone dimension in her cupboard is pretty cool though, and i love that her blowing smoke in people's faces isn't just a power play but a paralytic that's So clever

any other thoughts.... the girl with long hair is pretty, and that interaction with crystal has me wondering if the show got cancelled for lesbianism. i feel like maybe not? idk, if it was the start of a relationship that seems weirdly at odds with the tone of the rest of the show, so im leaning more towards crystal was picking up a weird psychic vibe from her that might be important later. who knows though!! i'll just have to find out haha

anyway i got sucked back into reading a novel but i should get caught up on that sometime today and then it's on to episode two, lol. very interested to find out what's up with the cat's vague ominous warning and what esther's gonna do when she finds out they rescued the kid she kidnapped

[balrogballs]

Binged your beautiful writing yesterday after seeing the Eldarion post and I loooove your Maglor so much, but I was curious about your characterizing of Maedhros as a objectively good father especially in the modern AU, where Elrond says “would always find him under every starless sky” abt him not Maglor. Your kidnapfam is so nuanced otherwise, so Elrond being closer to Maedhros feels disjointed or unnatural. Idk, his trauma and actions =/= good parent. No hate, just question

NP I’ll answer in good faith!

Wondering what other fic you refer to since my other Maedhros narratives are set in Valinor and Elrond isn’t really the focus of either? Or are you just referring to the postcolonial one you quoted because in that case yeah the primary emotional thread there is between Maedhros and Elrond, so will answer with that in mind.

under the cut bc my flight got delayed and I used this ask as an excuse to write a whole ass essay so dont want to bore people.

Now you mention discomfort at this portrayal and a part of my intention to write Maedhros in such a way IS to cause discomfort. Now keeping in mind this is a historical AU set exclusively in the context of the British Empire, and the word “terrorist” as used here does not mean the same kind of mass violence as it does today, Elrond’s full sentence from the fragment you quoted is actually:

“His Baba the terrorist, who would always, always find him under every starless sky.”

Violence does not live in a vacuum. Violence and tenderness can and do exist hand in hand, especially when referring to Maedhros in this AU — the first chapter itself makes it clear that his act of “terrorism” was to blow off a policeman’s finger during mass police brutality.

That is why I thought it was important to show him as the more loving one in this fic, even though I’m aware that many fanworks put Maglor in that role — I wanted to unpack the legacy of that act and how it was labelled, which reverberates across decades and continents. Maedhros blew off a British policeman’s finger when they started shooting fleeing women. And the same Maedhros also found two British toddlers, the children of an official high up in the British Raj — and he and his brother took them in.

To quote Maedhros himself from one of my other (canonverse) fics:

"And so it is for cruelty and tenderness: the constant press of cruelty, seeking to erode away those moments with the boys, the tender little life we led. It may have ended in tragedy. I fear, though I don't know, that I may have succumbed to the wrong one. Still, tenderness endured, and as is ordinary in wars of attrition, it softened the edges of our cruelty, a patient defiance wearing down its edges. I am indeed cruel as you judge me, but less so than you think. Neither of us know which claimed victory at the end of the Age, cruelty or kindness. But know, boy, that I bear the marks of both."

I think the whole thing with kidnap fam is that every dynamic between them is entirely fanon — the text gives you close to nothing. So whether or not Maedhros is a “good” father is imo very subjective, because we know nothing other than the boys being taken in.

There are so many ways love can grow, equally many ways interpret its impact on a person. Some interpret him as being completely incapable of tenderness, some interpret it as little kindnesses sprouting from salted earth. And I personally interpret Maedhros here as a man who has a deep, all-encompassing love for his son, who when Elrond was young, knew without words that the child was afraid of the dark, so would quietly lay beside him on starless nights “until the lions and snakes all cowered under his thunderous heartbeat.” All the rest, his anger and resentment and crippling guilt, is foisted upon him by cruel circumstance.

I think that’s what I wanted to make clear. Maedhros in this AU is furious, hotheaded, traumatised, prone to violence against authority, is quite literally a flagellant. He is also Elrond’s Baba, “who would always, always find him under every starless sky”.

Hope this helps! Also honestly if you’re not cool or are uncomfortable with Maedhros being written in this way you genuinely don’t have to read it haha, because as I said above, his and Elrond’s relationship — in all its messiness, gaps, incoherencies — is the primary focal point across the story and is what connects all the disparate narratives together.

I love writing him as tender! I love writing a Maedhros whose innate and incredible capacity for love is constantly worn down by the world, yet still finds a way to exist.

[kirango-rouge]

@ghostofashina this one's for you ;)

i thought about it while falling asleep and found it very funny.

Godwyn flustered kisses Messmer to convey his feelings, but Messmer stares back at him, pleased, but asking what's that for (just to be sure of the meaning of the kiss), and Godwyn panics and stammers that it's a very verrrry old traditional "good boy reward" in the Lands Between given to people who perform their tasks exceptionally well.

Messmer is a bit puzzled but accepts the explanation and Godwyn sighs as the crisis of his embarrassment is averted. (Fortissax tells him soon after that lying always comes to bite you in the ass eventually.)

When many moons later he visits his brother in his keep, he notices a long queue of soldiers coming out of his brother's throne room. All of them are so excited and cooing and swooning and puffing their chests proudly. It is only when Godwyn reaches the throne rooms that his jaw falls to the ground in realization.

Messmer is currently giving "good boys and girls rewards" to every single one of his soldiers (because they're very good boys and girls doing their job diligently) and is very thorough in making sure everyone in his army gets a proper reward. Godwyn feels like liquefying on the spot while Gaius, Rellana and Huw stare at him judgementally and knowingly. Not that they mind of the "reward" of course, but now they know where it came from.

It doesn't stop here as once they return to Leyndell, his knights timidly ask him if they can have these "tradditional rewards" as well. And Godwyn, because he's so very nice (and currently in a huge pickle of his own making), obliges them and his knights are very happy.

When he talks about this problem to Fortissax and Lansseax to have some kind of emotional support, the two dragons just burst into laughter and find this karmic retribution extremely funny. Godwyn knows that Fortissax will tease him with this for decades to come, but Lansseax decides to implement the "traditional reward" in her dragon cult temple in the form of "blessings", and the dragon knights are also very happy and boosted to continue the good work.

Of course nothing escapes Marika's watchful gaze in her queendom. And she always answers "yeah sure this is a very ancient traddition everyone knows about" to her son's dismay when someone asks her about this "reward" thing.

By now everyone in the queendom has heard of this "custom" and while some people are not sure about how old it is, since it is a traditional thing it would be rude not to respect it, even if it popped off out nowhere and they never heard about it before.

Meanwhile, in Caria, Radagon finds these "distractions" to be very unfunny, Rennala fondly shrugs it as an "Erdtree business", but Rykard and Ranni never miss a chance to gossip that this is just one more absurdity that the lazy inhabitants of Leyndell came up with to occupy themself (later Rykard will enrage about how he wants to do the same with his inquisitors and Ranni will always deny that her kisses to Blaidd have anything to do with it).

Radahn on the other hand completely accepted this "custom" and found it to be very virile and broski to do. So he arranged the "custom" to his sauce and started to give neck-crushing hugs to his man and women and very soon everyone in Redmane had adopted the "tradition". (Jerren had his suspicions but when he witnessed Godwyn try to hide himself in an abductor virgin, red as a tomato, one day he was visiting, he undertood almost the whole picture of it but never said a thing to his general).

Malenia, Miquella, and Godrick grew up with this "traddition" however.

Miquella did his research and learned very quickly the truth, but decided that since this is not an actual ancestral custom in Leyndell, he would make it the true custom in Elphael. No need tp say that the inhabitants of the haligtree are very pleased by this custom, especially the misbegotten.

Malenia is more timid and less tactile than her brother, but she would praise her knights every so often and give a quick peck to all of them on her better days. The cleanrot knights are all very honored to be praised by their general and kissed by their prince. At this point Godwyn just accepted his fate to see his lie being thrown into his face everywhere he goes now.

Godrick is the only one who legitimately grew up thinking this "custom" always existed but he thinks anyone beneath his is unworthy of receiving such rewards from him. Meanwhile his knights don't really like him in Stormveil and are very well without having their face anywhere close to their lord's, but since this is a very old and customary tradition, both Godrick and his knights find themselves sometimes in the very awkward and uncomfortable position of giving and receiving the "reward". None of them is happy with that but Godrick is the last scion of the golden bough and traditions must be respected.

As for Morgott and Mohg, Mohg took this reward tradition to his dynasty (with some collateral damages on the way, because blood and violence etc...), while Morgott found himself having to continue the lie of his brother because his remaining knights were convinced that this reward custom is a thing that has always existed now (and if anyone in his inner circle has any doubt about it, they won't ever say a thing because they want to keep kisses privileges).

And this is the story how reward kisses became a tradition in the Lands Between :)

Meanwhile in Shadow Keep:

Messmer: Guys. Hypothetically speaking, if my brother were to confess to me one day, how do you think he would do it?

Huw: *chuckles*

Gaius: Oh i don't know Messmer. Maybe he would just kiss you~

Rellana: Or create an entire myth about it that would last for the ages to come~

Messmer: Oh that sounds so romantic. I know how timid he can be with me. I must keep my eyes open now in case it happens for real.

Rellana, Huw and Gaius: *wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze*

[mandaplease10]

A Polin Take Nobody Asked for #7

Show Polin VS Book Polin Part 2

Comparing Polin in the show vs the books since so many are complaining about the differences. Part 1.

Show Polin: Falling in Love

I actually prefer their love story in the show because we really get to see it develop, plus it's a true friends to lovers trope compared to the book.

I know that several people think that Colin didn't have feelings for Penelope until Season 3, but I beg you to give their scenes in season 1 & 2 and the beginning of season 3 another watch.

Yes, there was the only Marina storyline, but it's very obvious that Colin was into the idea of her than actually being with her. He wanted a purpose/meaning in life and he thought by getting married was the answer. By that's another post for another day.

Personally, I think Colin started having more than friends feelings for Penelope at towards the end of Season 1 and got stronger in-between season 1 & 2 and even more in season 2.

What about the "Never Court Penelope line?" This was another example of Colin trying to fit in with society and trying to play down his feelings. Just before this scene, he talked about how special Pen was to him, so yeah it was a bad thing to say on his part, but it doesn't mean he didn't have some type of feelings for her.

When he comes back in Season 3, it's so obvious that he has feelings for her!!! His outfit at the garden party, the way he tries to flirt with Pen, and how upset he looks when she walks away from him. The fact that he is eager to make things right with her and willingly seeks her out. I mean, the mans speech in the Featherington Garden is practically a love declaration in and of itself.

Book Polin: Falling in Love

Colin returns back to Mayfair after being away for a while. He starts spending time with Pen and he notices there's something different about her. She's more confident and sure of herself and they have genuine conversations. We know how Pen feels about Colin and we get a little inkling of Colin slowly developing feelings for Pen. We get more uncertainty of whether Colin loves Pen because he doesn't really know what love is, he assumes it's a "thunderbolt from the sky" , but realizes it doesn't have to be. Loving someone is created by their smiles and spending time with them and never wanting to be away from them.

So, basically, I feel like in the show we get a better visual and story of how the two fell in love and why they love each other, whereas in the show, it's very quick and we aren't provided a lot of details/self journey like in the show.

Show Polin: Lady Whistledown Reveal

So many people hated how the show handled this storyline because it wasn't the same as the book. I actually like how they handled this, the only thing I wish they did differently is the timeline of events. I think Colin finding out would have worked better at the end of Ep 5 and then have Cressida's announcement as LW come out in Ep 6.

Regardless there are so many reasons why Colin reacted differently in the show compared to the book. The main thing is Colin is a decade younger in the book, so he's more immature and still finding himself. The other main thing is Colin has more issues with LW because of the whole Marina revelation, Eloise, and of course him not knowing himself. So, to him, he is finding out that the one person he thought he knew, the one person who he loves more than anything, has written these horrible things about him and people close to him (even if they were all true) and of course that is going to hurt. Especially, when you think this person has been 100% honest with you, only to find out they haven't and then you start to question everything.

Those two reasons in and of themselves are enough to justify his actions. Then the writers added in the jealously storyline on top of that, which makes it even worse.

Book Polin: Lady Whistledown Reveal

This happens before Polin actually get together, which means that there are no secrets amongst them when they get engaged or hook up in the carriage. However, the stakes also aren't as high because the worst thing LW wrote about Colin is the fact that he's charming. The biggest issue at first that Colin has is for Pen's safety, which makes sense. She's been living this double life, going to a shady part of town unchaperoned for years, and knowing that she's written things about some powerful people who could easily hurt her.

But one thing I keep seeing people who prefer Book Colin is how angry he got when she published after Cressida's announcement. He was so upset that he grabbed her arm to the point of bruising and mentioned wanting to kill her. So, yeah, Book Colin may not have separated himself from Pen, but he was very angry, more so than Show Colin.

Show Polin: Wedding & Aftermath

The simple fact that we even got a wedding, a wedding breakfast, a wedding dance already makes it better. I mean it was beautiful and everything I could have wanted for Polin. Yes, I would have rather them not still be at odds, but it shows that they were willing to put that aside and fight for their love despite them having trouble. That in the end they loved each other and they would make it work.

I wish we got them reconciling before the end of the episode 8, but when we look at other seasons, this is pretty much how those went as well. Hopefully, next season we just see them happy and if there is any drama they are a part of they are facing it together.

Book Polin: Wedding & Aftermath

We're told about the wedding. We don't actually get to 'see' the wedding happen in the book. Colin and Pen aren't at odds or sleeping separately. However, Colin is trying to deal with his jealously of Pen with her success of Whistledown. This all happens within the last few chapters of the book, so there really isn't much time to spend on how each are feeling in the moment until Cressida's blackmail comes in, which I will talk about in part 3!

[earlgreytea68]

Host: So where did this one start? Patrick: So, uh, typically I kind of just start with Pete's lyrics and see what that inspires me to, you know, how does this sound? You know, when I read this, what do I think this sounds like? Host: And when Pete sends you those lyrics -- So, is Pete working on lyrics all the time? He's just working on lyrical ideas and then -- Does he ever put a tune to it? Or does he send you a blank page? Patrick: No. He doesn't even send me lyrics in lyric form. He just sends words. And it's interesting when you see it. It's almost like one-liner after one-liner. (chuckle) And I'll just get an email of those. And then you kind of have to-- Neal: The Henny Youngman of lyrics? Patrick: (laughs) Yeah. And then you have to -- Kind of. It's like the -- My dad had a Yogi Berra quote book sitting on his coffee table. It's kind of like that, where it's just one-liner, one-liner, one-liner, and you have to figure out what thematically goes together, what feels like the same song. But then also I do try to keep things together as much as possible, because I feel like he's in a place where it does feel like one thought, you know? And, um -- But yeah, when he sends it, that's all he sends. There's no music or anything. And so when I read there's a kind of, for me, almost passive thing, where I read it and just imagine what it sounds like to me. And so this one scared me a lot because it felt kind of sparse, and I don't really like sparse, I don't really like singing by myself, I don't really like -- You know, I like orchestras, I like being one musician out of, you know, hundreds. I don't really like being so front and center, and I could tell there was something really intimate about this song and that was a big challenge for us. Well, for me. Everybody else seemed convinced. As soon as I finished demo-ing it and I sent it out to everybody, everybody went for it. This I think is the first song that we started, or one of the first songs that we started, Neal, when you and I got together. It's from the first session. And, you know, we had done that first session of "are we going to work together?" This came from that first session. But I think we also spent the longest on figuring out how to actually realize it because I wasn't satisfied with just my voice. With just my voice over keys, it was killing me. It was too naked or something. And I needed more of a story happening with the synths and stuff, with the guitars and all of that. So that took us a long time. Host: Interesting. And is Heaven, Iowa a place? Patrick: I believe so. I don't know if it's real or not. I believe it's the place from "Field of Dreams." Pete was really obsessed with "Field of Dreams." There's something in that story that really, like, set his vision for the whole record lyrically, I guess, so I think that's what it is. But I don't ask. I try not to ask about his lyrics because I feel like there's a thing about it where -- First off, he gives you terr -- He will not explain things. But second off, it also kind of -- I think there's something to that, you know? Where I'll read his lyrics and I'll interpret it one way and years later I'll realize it's another way. There's so many double entendres that I've only gotten, you know, decades later. (chuckle) I'll be singing and I'm like, "Oh, it's a sex thing! I didn't catch that." You know? (x) (this is around 45 minutes in)