#yeah I bet they’re yummy STUPID

[theoldwest]

PLEASE. Sam calling the meadowsweet wreaths ‘yummy’ in order to act a little fruity is CRAZY LMAOOOOOOO WHO COOKED HERE

[luveline]

jade!! if your reqs are still open… would you write emily and mom!r? kind of like you’ve been doing with hotch or steve (with noah). i feel like she’d be one of those people who speaks to kids like they’re tiny adults

Emily presses the flat of her wooden spoon into a blueberry and watches the skin of it burst open. It sinks into the oatmeal beneath, a soft beige turning lilac. 

She flicks off the heat. She can’t cook like you can, but oatmeal makes itself. The mushy blueberries means the oats are soft enough for eating, usually. She dips a spoon in to check, adds a big pinch of salt, wonders if that’s stupid and eats another mouthful that burns her lips. 

“Ouch,” she mumbles. Slowly, she tips her head from one side to the other. “But yummy.” 

“Em-wy?” 

“What?” She turns on the spot. There in the doorway stands your little girl, an ever-present smile on her face as she lifts her hand for a wave. “Hello,” Emily says 

“Hi.” 

“What do you want?” 

“Water, please.”

Emily turns the handle of her pot before she bends down with her arms out, a gentle invitation. Sometimes Jane wants to be held, but usually she’s just hanging around. To Emily’s surprise, Jane skips and stumbles her way into Emily’s legs, where Emily takes her under the arms and pulls her up against her chest. 

She smiles at Jane’s little face. She looks so much like you, and she’s such a sweet girl. “Hi, baby,” she says, not quite slipping into baby talk, but softer than she’d spoken to her before. “Where’s your mommy?” 

Jane points down at the stove. “Breakfast?” 

“You bet. Is mommy still getting dressed?” 

“Maybe.” 

Emily shifts Jane on her hip and turns to the cabinet for a sippy cup. “Okie dokie. Let’s make you your water, ‘cos you asked me so nicely. You want some apple juice too?” 

Jane rubs her face against Emily’s shoulder with a yawn but doesn’t answer. 

“Babe?” Emily calls. “Can I give her some apple juice?” 

You swing around the corner. Emily’s apartment is big, sound carries, and yet she’d had no idea you were so close. You’ve changed your shirt but your pyjama bottoms remain, your hair out of your face —her heart gives a jump. To love someone and to know you’re lucky to have them simultaneously can often inspire tachycardia. 

“Sure,” you say. 

You’re wearing her socks, your pyjama pant legs pooled around your feet, and your shirt baggy but short at the arms. You have the most lovely arms. It’s stupid, but Emily knows it’s true. She could kiss every inch of each one without getting bored. Not that you need to know that about her. 

You slide across the kitchen tile to give Jane a light peck. Smiling, you turn Emily’s face with your pinky finger and give her an even softer one, careful of her makeup. “Good morning.” 

“Yeah, good morning,” Emily says, bouncing Jane higher up her side. “You look ready for another day in bed.” 

“Do you really have to go?” 

“You know I do, it’s Monday.” 

“We should petition for longer weekends. Don’t you think so, bubby? Shouldn’t Emily stay home and make us all our meals? Mommy’s still tired.” 

Jane hears your sweetened voice and holds her arms out to be held. You take her from Emily’s arms, and you lean against the counter as your smile fades. “I really wish you could stay,” you say more earnestly. “I miss you when you’re not here.” 

“I’ll be home tonight, I promise. They know you’re not feeling well, nobody expects me to leave you here with the baby all by yourself.” Not feeling well is an understatement that neither of you comment on. Emily just wants to rub the tension right out of your shoulders. She doesn’t have the time. 

“I used to be by myself before,” you point out. 

“I know. But now we’re together, and I love you, and I’ll be back tonight.” She hates the crestfallen set to your brow. “I’m sorry.” 

“No, I’m sorry. I’m being silly.” 

Emily thinks about it, her finger creeping up to rub Jane’s soft cheek. “Mommy’s not silly, is she?” she asks in a murmur. “She’s beautiful.” 

Jane nods her head clumsily. “Yes.” 

“See? If Janie thinks so, it must be true.” She smiles until you smile back. “I’ll be home by six. Cross my heart.” 

“Can I have another kiss before you go? Won’t mess up your lips, I promise.” 

Emily could never say no to you. She didn't want to, but she couldn’t. She leans in careful not to crush your little clinger and lets her eyes shutter closed, her breath held as you tip your chin down and your noses press together. You might be cautious of her makeup, but Emily isn’t. Her kiss is a promise that she’s gonna come home tonight. She can’t always keep them, but right now she’s determined. 

She pulls away. Your lips are red with transferred lipstick that moves with your smile. 

“Kiss me?” Jane asks. 

“Who, me?” Emily asks. 

Jane nod. Emily presses a chaste kiss to Jane’s chubby cheek, and rubs the lipstick away with similar tenderness. “Let me get you your juice, bub, and then I really gotta go.” 

[vital-spirit]

OFFSCREEN POST

The Ballad of a Hero

There’s never a more obvious statement than “the desert was hot that day.” And yet its never truer than today. The desert was indeed very hot that day. And for the students in Littletown, there was no better way to beat the heat than to sit in the shade of the school building and tell stories over recess.

Bingo had positioned herself in a nice cool spot in the corner between the schoolhouse and the fence, watching all the other kids with a curious energy. Right here, the slight gust that blew through the town was perfectly caught in the corner, sending a refreshing breeze through her fur. She closed her eyes and basked in the perfect equilibrium of chilling winds and desert heat, her ears perked up to catch the breeze and half-heartedly listen to conversation taking place around her.

“Well my favorite hero is Accelgor the Swift!” a Nincada said with his head held high. “He’s a— He’s a hero from the Gold Continent and he’s really fast and really— um—” He paused for a moment to think of another adjective. “He’s really fast. And he’s a ninja!” The Nincada quickly shifted side to side on his feet while making whooshing noises to emphasize his point.

Leaning against the wall of the schoolhouse with crossed arms, Terri raised an eyebrow and scoffed. “Yeah? N’ what���s he do?”

“Ummmm…” Nincada hesitated. “Well he’s really fast… and that’s how he beats the bad guys?” “Tha’s stupid,” she deadpanned.

“Nuh uh!”

“Well,” a Sandshrew piped up, placing her hands on her hips, “My heroes are Mrs. Mightyena and Mrs. Houndoom!” She proudly nodded to herself, “They’ve done a whole lot for all of us, after all.”

“That’th altho thtupid!” Kangaskhan replied. “I like them, but they’re not REAL heroeth! My hero ith-” “My hero is my mommy!” Cubone cuts their friend off. “She’s super cool and strong and I bet she can beat up more bad guys than Accelgor!” 

Ryan stared at Cubone, blinking in confusion. “I thought your mom was dead?” 

Cubone hits him on the head with her bone club in response. “Nuh uh! She’s just busy at Braviary’s Guild!” 

The Scraggy yelped and rubbed his head. “It’s all good if you don’ got a mom, Cubone, y’ain’t gotta make her up…”

Somebody else piped up, “Yeah! We don’t got moms! Or dads!”

“I have my daddy-”

“Shut up, Hatenna!”

“I’M NOT MAKING MY MOMMY UP!” 

Bingo sat there in silence, shuffling her paws as she continued to listen to the others chatter on. Heroes…

The conversation continued on as Bingo’s attention waned. 

“My hero is from The Guild too! Her name’s Gothorita and-”

More of the students listed their heroes and argued about who’s was better, but they all blended together in her head. 

“The Kecleon brothers are my heroes! Because they sell yummy apples!”

Something nagged at the back of the Lillipup’s brain, something just out of her reach. Something… What was it…?

“My heroes are my older siblins!” 

Her head began to ache, the thumping of Rapidash hooves at the back of her mind, slowly building up like a stampede threatening to trample her thoughts into nothing more than dust. It was there, it was there, it’s right there, what was it? 

What was it, what was it, what was it?

Tyson’s voice cut through Bingo’s thoughts. “—y hero is Mista Lucario, ‘cuz he brought me n’ my brothers to the orphanage after our parents died!” He then turned to Bingo with a grin. “Whaddabout you?”

Bingo blinked, “Who’s my hero–” That’s when it shot through her like a bolt of lightning, sending a shock down her spine and sending her thoughts into a whirlwind before she blurted out the memory. “Lucinda Gray.”

Kangaskhan looks at her with a tilted head. “Who?” 

“Ah–” The Lillipup nervously smiled. Wonderful question, she just barely remembered herself. “She’s a hu–” She paused, catching herself, “Herdier. She’s a Herdier who was... about my age… if I recall correctly… She had saved her town from an incomin’ storm that probably would’ve wiped them all out if she hadn’t been able to warn them all in time.”

Tyson and Ryan looked at her curiously, intrigued. “Oh?”

Terri turned to glance at Bingo, feigning disinterest. “Neva’ ‘eard of ‘er.”

Wonderful observation, Bingo thought to herself, that would be because Lucinda Gray isn’t from this world!

Bingo shrugged, trying to contain her excitement about having remembered something, “Probably ‘cause she was from a time long passed. Don’t even remember the name of the town she saved…” She sat there in contemplation, straining her mind to recall even the tiniest of details.

“Though…” she added, “If I remember correctly there’s a song about her…?”

Nincada perked up, “How’s it go?”

“Uh, let me try and remember it all? I could... attempt… to sing it if you give me a moment?” Bingo internally cringed. What was she doing?

The Scraggy brothers immediately sat down with crossed legs in front of her, eager to hear her tale. Several of the other kids followed suit. Even Terri seemed to be mildly interested in what Bingo was going to say, even if she was pretending she wasn’t.

Oh Dragons she hadn’t expected them to give her their full attention–

“Right..” She swallowed, nodding her head to reassure herself, “The song is called The Ballad of Lucinda Gray.”

The Lillipup took a deep breath, closing her eyes, and began to sing. Her voice started quiet and hesitant but steadily grew stronger and more confident as the lyrics slowly left her lips.

Rumble, tumble, great big trouble,

a dark storm’s on its way!

Lightning flash and thunder crash, 

much to the town’s dismay!

So grab that horse and pull them reins, 

ain’t no time to delay~ay!

Racing through the streets of town,

here comes Lucinda Gray!

Lucinda Gray!

Lucinda Gray~ay!

Come on, make haste!

Miss Lucinda Gray!

“A cyclone’s on the way!” she cried

as she rode through the town

“Grab your kids, lock all your doors,

all hell is coming down!

The devil’s on his way here now,

he’s headed right this way~ay!

He’s brought the storm of death around,”

warned young Lucinda Gray!

Lucinda Gray!

Lucinda Gray~ay!

No time to waste

for Lucinda Gray!

Sideways rain and roaring winds,

the thunder shook the ground!

The devil searched for souls to keep

but none were to be found!

Alone atop the horse she rode,

a hero had saved the day~ay!

And as she faced the devil down

he took Lucinda Gray!

Lucinda Gray!

Lucinda Gray~ay!

The town was saved

by Lucinda Gray!

And with those final words, the song came to an end with Bingo breathing in and out to calm herself before opening her eyes to look at her schoolmates.

Surprisingly, it was Terri that was the first to speak. Having turned to fully look at Bingo as she sang, she squinted as she tried to process the story behind the lyrics. “So… this Lucinda Gray went ‘n faced the devil? Like, fer real? Or is it s’posed to be one them metaphors?”

Ryan piped in with, “I thought Cyclone was a girl though?”

“I don’t think she’s got a gender,” Tyson shrugged.

“Yea, but we always call her a the! Not a he… What if Thyclone is one of them tranthgenderth…” 

The Lillipup sat there confused, tilting her head. Cyclone…? It ain’t about Miss Mandibuzz though.

Bingo spoke up, “What? The song ain’t about–”

“What if everyone forgot Cyclone’s pronouns and that’s why we call her a she now! I don’t wanna misgender her! Him? What if she comes n’ gets me!” Cubone said, concerned. 

Terri sneered down at Cubone, “She gon’ take ya to the same place she took that Lucinda Gray, that’s what.”

Nincada shivered, “I don’t wanna go to hell for misgenderin’ her…” He paused for a moment. “I mean they.”

Bingo huffed, “Miss Mandibuzz didn’t take Lu–”

“Cyclone won’t take you yet as long as you behave!” Sandshrew nodded in a way she thought was reassuring, “She only takes bad kids! That’s what the Mayor says!”

The Lillipup grumbled to herself. This town has a big problem with interruptin’ others, don’t it?

“Yea!” Ryan snickered. “Bad kids like Terri n’ Terrii!”

Terri pushed herself off the wall in an instant, wounding her fist as she shot back, “She’s boutta take a dead kid to the afterlife if he keeps that shit up!”

Tyson clicked his tongue and looked off to the other side of the schoolyard, “Hey, I think your brother’s takin’ some kid’s lunch money without you.”

She shot her head in the direction Tyson was looking, shouted something in Spanish, and raced across the schoolyard to join her brother, completely forgetting about the ongoing conversation. 

Bingo watched with a frown as the single Tandemaus went to join her brother. She’s starting to grow real tired of these mice…

The loud tolling of a bell cut through Bingo’s thoughts, echoing throughout the schoolyard and signaling the end of recess.

Bingo recoiled, squeezing her eyes shut and slamming her paws down upon her ears as the ringing of the bell shot through her brain like a bullet.

As the ringing began to fade she slowly opened her eyes, taking quick notice that the kids that had gathered around her not long before had moved and were all heading for the door of the schoolhouse and in turn left her line of sight, allowing her to see the entirety of the schoolyard. 

And allowing her to zero in on the tip of a black tail disappearing behind the back of the storehouse for the school. What was…?

“Lillipup!” Houndoom called out to her. “Recess is over!”

Bingo stood there for a moment, staring off at the building with an innate curiosity before slowly turning her attention to Houndoom and running over while answering, “Yes ma’am, sorry ma’am!”

Scene End.

[osakaso5]

IDOLiSH7 6th Anniversary Special Story: Full of Heart...

Chapter 2: Tearjerking Memories

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Torao Mido: Atchoo!

Toma Inumaru: Caught a cold, Tora?

Minami Natsume: Don't infect the rest of us, please.

Haruka Isumi: Maybe it's hay fever? Apparently that can get pretty bad in August.

Torao Mido: Or, someone's talking about me... A pretty woman, most likely.

Toma Inumaru: Sure, whatever.

Shiro Utsugi: I must say, I'm impressed that you could reserve such an expensive-looking bar for us.

Torao Mido: It was no trouble at all. Besides, Haruka wanted to try going to a bar.

Haruka Isumi: He promised to take me here if I won in a game of Konpira Fune Fune. And I did.

Minami Natsume: Hee hee... Oh, Isumi-san. I didn't know you had what it takes to become a geisha.

Toma Inumaru: Don't teach Haru anything weird, now.

Shiro Utsugi: Since we're at such a fine establisment, we should make the most of it.

[Snap]

Shiro Utsugi: I'll have a Bloody Mary.

Toma Inumaru: You're going to drink? I thought we had a meeting...

Shiro Utsugi: This is a bar. We're not here to see the sights. Now go on, Inumaru-san, order something.

Toma Inumaru: A-alright. Uh...

Shiro Utsugi: As artists, you should enjoy life to the fullest. Don't worry about breaking the rules every now and then.

Minami Natsume: Should you be breaking the rules, Utsugi-san? I believe you're still an ordinary employee of the very strict Tsukumo Productions...

Shiro Utsugi: It'll be fine. I'll just climb the corporate ladder until I'm in a position where I can change the company to suit me.

Haruka's Thoughts: This Shiro Utsugi guy is really aggressive... 

Torao's Thoughts: He's supposed to be our newbie manager, yet he's the one pushing us around...

Minami's Thoughts: I'd expect nothing less of the man Ryo-san chose as his last minute replacement.

Toma's Thoughts: I don't think I've ever seen someone order a drink by snapping their fingers before...

Shiro Utsugi: Let's have a toast before we begin our meeting. Order something, everyone.

Toma Inumaru: I'll have beer.

Torao Mido: A gin rickey.

Minami Natsume: Oolong tea.

Haruka Isumi: Orange juice.

Shiro Utsugi: And there you have it. That'll be all.

Shiro Utsugi: Now, would you mind showing me your childhood pictures before our drinks arrive?

Minami Natsume: The pictures for our "Welcome to Kids Room" guest appearance?

Shiro Utsugi: Yes. Did you bring them?

Toma Inumaru: I've got mine, yeah.

Haruka Isumi: Me too. Show me yours first, though. I wanna see what you  looked like as kids.

Toma Inumaru: No way, that's too embarrassing. You go first, Haru. You probably look the most similar to when you were little, anyway.

Haruka Isumi: You think so? Okay, fine. Here you go.

Torao Mido: Let's see...

Minami Natsume: My, how adorable.

Toma Inumaru: Whooa! You were super cute! With a round face like that, I'll bet you were a little angel!

Haruka Isumi: Don't call my face round.

Shiro Utsugi: You were a textbook junior idol, if I've ever seen one. You'd have made a good duo with Mitsuki Izumi of IDOLiSH7.

Torao Mido: But that guy's my age.

Minami Natsume: ........ To think that Kujo-san whisked him overseas not long after this picture was taken...

Toma Inumaru: I'd have been so worried for him...

Minami Natsume: As would I.

Haruka Isumi: I came back safe and sound. Nothing bad happened to me either, other than a rude wake up call.

Haruka Isumi: If that hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't be the main vocalist of an outlaw group like ours now.

Haruka Isumi: Pretty cool, huh?

Toma Inumaru: Hey cool outlaw, your orange juice is here.

Haruka Isumi: Whoa! There's an orange slice on the glass! Wow, that's so neat!

Shiro Utsugi: Now, let's toast.

Toma Inumaru: Yeah!

Toma Inumaru: ŹOOĻ...

Minami, Haruka, Torao, & Shiro: Rules!

[Clink]

Minami Natsume: Am I the only one who finds this cheer somewhat... lacking?

Toma Inumaru: We might wanna rethink it, yeah.

Torao Mido: There's a lot of dinosaur stickers plastered all over your house, Haruka. What's this one called?

Haruka Isumi: Uh... That's Dee, the Growlysaurus...

Toma Inumaru: Ah, I remember those! You must've really liked Growlysauruses. Should I buy you one sometime?

Haruka Isumi: I-I don't need one, stupid! How old do you think I am?

Haruka Isumi: Give me my picture back. It's someone else's turn.

Torao Mido: I'll show you mine.

Toma Inumaru: Well?

Toma Inumaru: ...Your limbs were freaking LONG! This is basically just a tinier version of how you look now...

Minami Natsume: Oh my. I quite like the way you looked at this age.

Torao Mido: Yeah, I bet you do.

Minami Natsume: Is this a transformation belt?

Haruka Isumi: It is. I kinda wasn't expecting you to bring a photo like this.

Torao Mido: I learned something recently. Namely, that even a perfect man like me is more interesting with some mundane characteristics.

Haruka Isumi: I guess some kid who plays with transformation belts is a lot more approachable than a flawless celebrity.

Torao Mido: Exactly.

Toma Inumaru: You don't gotta make excuses, you know. The truth is that you just thought it was a nice photo, right?

Toma Inumaru: You said you like all this sentai and superhero stuff. For  what it’s worth, I think the pic's nice, too.

Torao Mido: ...That wasn't why I picked it, really.

Toma Inumaru: Yeah, right.

Torao Mido: It was a calculated decision.

Toma Inumaru: No need to play tough. It's fine that you chose a picture you liked from when you were little.

Torao Mido: I told you, that's not why.

Toma Inumaru: Ahaha! You're starting to sound a little too defensive.

Torao Mido: ........ Whatever. Maybe I'll just use a different picture.

Toma Inumaru: Oh, stop sulking, for Pete's sake!

Shiro Utsugi: Don't try to tear it up, now. I agree that you'll most likely garner more attention with a picture like this, Mido-san.

Torao Mido: I knew it. Okay, I'm going with this picture for the show. What about you, Minami? What kind of picture did you bring?

Minami Natsume: Mine isn't particularly interesting. Anyone can look up what I looked like as a child, after all.

Torao Mido: But you did bring a photo, right?

Minami Natsume: I did.

Shiro Utsugi: Would you be so kind as to show it to us?

Minami Natsume: Very well. Here it is.

Toma & Haruka: ...So cute!!!

Haruka Isumi: You were adorable as a kid, Minami! Like a girl or something! A really cute one!

Toma Inumaru: Kinda like Tora, you looked like a mini version of what you're like now, but in a different way! You've definitely got the air of a celebrity here!

Shiro Utsugi: This must be from around the time you were filming the movie Kagurazaka. Even as a child, you had very fine features.

Minami Natsume: Hee hee. Thank you. I do enjoy a bit of unfiltered praise every now and then.

Torao Mido: Was this taken at your home? That's a pretty big piano you've got.

Minami Natsume: Yes. I took piano lessons when I was younger.

Minami Natsume: I had to quit playing when my work got too busy to allow for it, but I finally resumed my lessons a few years ago...

Toma Inumaru: So you're basically a musical genius. That's cool.

Minami Natsume: Hee hee... Yes, it is cool. Now then, would you mind showing us your picture, Inumaru-san?

Toma Inumaru: Sure thing!

Haruka Isumi: What kind of photo did you pick?

Toma Inumaru: I figured at least one of us should bring in something goofy, so I got the funniest one I could find!

Torao Mido: Funny... Ah, you're at a festival, wearing a happi!

Shiro Utsugi: Oh, you've even got a sarashi wrapped around you. It looks very authentic.

Minami Natsume: You must've lived in a neighborhood that loved festivals.

Haruka Isumi: I'm jealous. I wish I could've worn clothes like this to a festival, too.

Toma Inumaru: I could take you to a festival around where I'm from. The neighborhood grannies would be all over you, Haru.

Haruka Isumi: Yeah, I wanna go! This picture's pretty nice. I bet it'll be good for the show.

[Phone rings]

Torao Mido: Hmm...? Oh, now that's unusual. Sogo says he needs to ask me something in person.

Toma Inumaru: Ask him where he is, and if he's nearby, go see him. It could be something urgent.

Torao Mido: But aren't we in the middle of a meeting?

Shiro Utsugi: We're all done now. You may go.

Toma Inumaru: Oh, that's it?

Haruka Isumi: We could've stayed at the agency if all we were gonna do is show our pictures...

Minami Natsume: Now, now. At least we got to deepen our friendship at this lovely bar.

Torao Mido: I asked Sogo. Turns out he and Tamaki Yotsuba both happened to be in the neighborhood, so they're headed here.

Haruka Isumi: Yotsuba's coming, too? I bet he's gonna freak out, because he's never been in a place like this before.

Haruka Isumi: I suppose I'll just have to teach him how us adults hang out.

Toma Inumaru: Says the boy sipping on orange juice.

[Door opens]

Tamaki Yotsuba: Good evening.

Sogo Osaka: Pardon our intrusion.

Haruka Isumi: Yotsuba!

Tamaki Yotsuba: Whoa... This place has a super mature vibe... I knew ŹOOĻ's up to no good.

Sogo Osaka: That's rude to the establishment, you know.

Tamaki Yotsuba: It's not my fault this place looks like people come here to make shady deals.

Sogo Osaka: It's calming. And there are plenty of places like this in the world.

Sogo Osaka: Good evening, Mido-san. ŹOOĻ. I'm sorry for dropping by on such short notice.

Shiro Utsugi: Good evening, Osaka-san and Yotsuba-san.

Sogo Osaka: Good evening. You're Utsugi-san, yes? ŹOOĻ's manager.

Shiro Utsugi: That’s right. Thank you for remembering.

Torao Mido: This has to be the first time you're asking me for anything. What do you want to drink?

Sogo Osaka: Just oolong tea, please.

Tamaki Yotsuba: I want this one! The frozen cocktail that looks like ice! I bet it's yummy.

Sogo Osaka: No, Tamaki-kun. It's alcoholic.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Really? Do they have a version without the booze?

Minami Natsume: I think the bartender could make you one.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Awesome! I'll have one of those.

Haruka Isumi: I want one, too.

Torao Mido: I'll have the alcoholic version. Should I go ahead and order you one too, Sogo?

Sogo Osaka: Ah... Um, alright.

Tamaki Yotsuba: So-chan!

Sogo Osaka: It's fine. This drink is basically just a sherbert, it won't get me drunk.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Don't you know that ice is just frozen water?

Sogo Osaka: I do know that.

Tamaki Yotsuba: So it's still booze! It's just been frozen!

Sogo Osaka: It can't be that strong. And besides, it's the same as yours.

Tamaki Yotsuba: So what if it's the same?

Sogo Osaka: Our matching drinks would make a nice picture for social media.

Tamaki Yotsuba: I can't believe your first approach to everything is still to be some kind of businessman.

Sogo Osaka: It's not as if people can tell how close we truly are based on a picture of some food. If that were the case, we wouldn't truly understand each other at all.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Especially since everything you eat is bright red.

Sogo Osaka: And you only have eyes for King Pudding.

Toma Inumaru: What're you mumbling about?

Sogo Osaka: It was just a mini meeting. We're done now.

Minami Natsume: Much like us, then.

Tamaki Yotsuba: I did it for you guys' sake too, y'know.

Torao Mido: Our drinks are here. Let's toast.

Haruka Isumi: Does MEZZO" have a cheer for when you toast?

Tamaki Yotsuba: A cheer?

Haruka Isumi: It makes things more exciting.

Tamaki Yotsuba: We've got a cheer for calming Re:vale down..?

Sogo Osaka: But it's a bit too long for making a toast. Hmm, a cheer for MEZZO"...

Toma Inumaru: Don't think too hard about it. It can be something simple, like one of you says "MEZZO"" and the other one says "rules".

Sogo Osaka: I see. We could give that a try. Tamaki-kun, which part do you want to say?

Tamaki Yotsuba: The first part.

Sogo Osaka: Alright. Well then, everyone raise your glasses...

Tamaki Yotsuba: MEZZO".

Sogo Osaka: Rules.

[Clink!]

Sogo Osaka: So, what I wanted to ask you is...

Torao Mido: Hold up! We need to talk about your cheer first. Any thoughts!?

Sogo Osaka: Thoughts..? Tamaki-kun, what do you think?

Tamaki Yotsuba: It's kinda short.

Haruka Isumi: Totally. So is our "ŹOOĻ Rules!"

Minami Natsume: Isumi-san. Be careful not to hurt Inumaru-san's feelings.

Toma Inumaru: Ahaha! It's fine! Not like that cheer was my best effort, anyway...

Sogo Osaka: Thank you for the suggestion, Toma. We probably can't use this cheer all the time, but we'll try to make use of it when we can...

Toma Inumaru: Don't sweat it, seriously! It was just the first thing that came to my mind! You don't even gotta use it!

Sogo Osaka: I-I'm sorry if we can't use it often enough.

Toma Inumaru: I'm telling you, it's FINE!

Sogo Osaka: Thank you. That's very nice of you to say. Mido-san, may I tell you why we're here now?

Torao Mido: Let's hear it.

Sogo Osaka: To tell you the truth...

- - - -

Torao Mido: Ah, Ito-san. That brokerage firm CEO who likes traveling and photography...

Sogo Osaka: Yes, him. He took a picture of me once.

Sogo Osaka: And when we discussed his camera, he told me that he saves all his negatives...

Torao Mido: So he should still have them? Just go meet up with him, then.

Sogo Osaka: We don't have that sort of relationship. He may be my father's old friend, but I've been disinherited, so...

Haruka Isumi: Disinherited?

Sogo Osaka: Being disinherited means your parents have cut ties with you.

Haruka Isumi: You were adopted..? And he said you were a disappointment and chased you out?

Sogo Osaka: No, we're biologically related. I might still be a disappointment... But I don't regret my decisions.

Sogo Osaka: I wanted to live as a musician.

Minami Natsume: What a wonderfully sympathetic story. I like you. The world needs more artists like yourself.

Sogo Osaka: Natsume-kun...

Minami Natsume: I hereby pledge my support to Osaka-san. Mido-san, you simply must do something to help him.

Torao Mido: Like what..? I haven't seen the guy in ages, either.

Toma Inumaru: You should still have an easier time getting a hold of him than Sogo. At least call him once.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Toracchi, please! If you call him, I'll stop calling you an evil rich guy!

Torao Mido: I didn't know you called me that in the first place... Fine. I'll give him a call.

Sogo Osaka: Thank you.

Torao Mido: It's no trouble at all, really. You may be an heir with a strict upbringing, but I'm a spoiled youngest son.

Haruka Isumi: So did this Ito-san spoil you, too?

Torao Mido: He owns a boat that I got to ride on a few times, not to mention he's got a few unique side ventures.

Sogo Osaka: Unique side ventures...

Torao Mido: He never told me about them in much detail. He may be a CEO, but he doesn't have any family to share his wealth with. 

Torao Mido: So his side ventures have to do with finding said family... ...Ah, he picked up.

Torao Mido: Hellooo? Ah, Uncle Ito? It's been so long! Yeah, it's me, Torao.

Toma Inumaru: That's how I talk to the old ladies from my neighborhood!

Tamaki Yotsuba: He speaks just like Rikkun when he's asking for something!!!

Sogo Osaka: So this is what it's like when you're the youngest child... I wonder if even Iori-kun has a side like this...

Torao Mido: Ahaha. I'm doing fine, just fine. I've got a friend here who wants to talk to you, do you mind if I put him on?

Torao Mido: Here you go, Sogo.

Sogo Osaka: Thank you so much, Mido-san.

Torao Mido: Hmph. Let's just agree that you owe me one.

Haruka Isumi: I can't believe you're still trying to act tough, after sweet talking the guy like that...

Sogo Osaka: Ito-san. It's been a while. This is Sogo. ...Yes, that's right. Sogo Osaka.

Sogo Osaka: Ah... You bought an IDOLiSH7 CD? Thank you very much.

Tamaki Yotsuba: He knows us!

Minami Natsume: This bodes well.

Sogo Osaka: Is it at all possible for me to borrow certain old photo negatives from you..?

Sogo Osaka: I need the photo you took of me and my uncle in our garden. It's very important... Really!?

Tamaki Yotsuba: What'd he say!?

Sogo Osaka: He said he'd reprint the photo for me!

Haruka & Tamaki: Awesome!!!

Toma Inumaru: Yay! That's great!

Shiro Utsugi: Congratulations! Let's all have another toast!

Tamaki Yotsuba: MEZZO"...

Minami, Toma, Haruka, Torao, & Shiro: Rules!!!

Sogo Osaka: P-please, be quiet, everyone. Thank you, Ito-san. I'll come get the photo in a few days.

Sogo Osaka: Where are you now? ...What?

Sogo Osaka: The North Pacific..? 

To be continued...

[euphoricfilter]

Omg yes to the recent asks and replies for Yoongi’s drabble! I love them. I really love the idea of him doing things like washing her hair and petting her when he’s not busy with idol work. Him casually saying he’s her pet in public yes. The getting into a relationship without confessing trope lol. Would either ever properly confess to each other? Would they say I love you to each other? Maybe while they’re having sex mc would say it hm. And leashes omg. I love it. I like the idea of mc walking like a dog esp outside with the leash but hm outside isn’t really realistic. Maybe more of an extension of the collar for pulling at some point. Maybe he uses it to pull for mc to craw to him. (Not too much right?) Just her being at his feet as much as possible omg yes. Him feeding her at his feet when they’re alone. Would he ever stop working as an idol to stay with her? I think he wouldn’t really like to dance but he loves music. so he could become a producer or solo artist? (Ot7 tho :/) Or does he just take her with him when they go on trips? He’s so hot and cool (and sweaty sometimes yes lol) when he performs but what about his needy puppy :/ bet mc loves seeing him perform and gets so needy esp when it’s more of a cool, sweaty type of performance. Would she have to hold back bc of the other people? Would he be able to tell and how would he react? Or would she try to tease him to do a quickie in a private place? How would he react to seeing mc get jealous and maybe her saying she’s jealous to him? Or vice versa?

-🖤

idk if either of them would confess, i think there would just be mutual understanding that yeah this is what we have even if neither of us have explicitly said anything

oooh i think yoongi would be the first one to say i love you, definitely letting it slip by accident but i doubt the m/c would notice, and just say it back, to yoongi’s surprise. i think she’d say it most though, especially when yoongi fucks her just right

i think if yoongi wasn’t so jealous he would make her walk around on a leash but it’s like his little guilty pleasure and would absolutely hate if anyone else were to ever see the m/c like that

ooo i feel like he wouldn’t even need an extension of the collar, mf would say crawl and that’s all it’ll take for her to be on her hands and knees 😭 RAH HIM FEEDING HER THATS YUMMY

uhh i doubt he’d quit it as an idol, especially because he’s still very group oriented and unless the ready of the guys wanted to split up then i doubt he’d just decide to stop being an idol, i think maybe it would be like now— where they’ve all slowed down a little, not necessarily conforming to the idol industry’s standards of having 2-3 comebacks a year where you’re constantly in practice and promotions

if she were still to be his manager then she would go with him anyways, but say she quits the job and yoongi provides for both of them, the company probably wouldn’t like the fact an ex-employee is trailing after yoongi like a lost dog but i think he’d take her with him anyways especially if it were abroad

no because you know the m/c is rutting against her hand when yoongi is performing, i imagine her to be so horny, like all the time that she just can’t help herself, maybe he like on the edge corners of the chair, literally anything to feel some sort of release as she watches yoongi perform

i think maybe he’d catch her rocking against her hands during rehearsals or something and then make it point to make it a show just to rile her up even more

she wouldn’t even need to tease him 😭 he’s always ready for his cock in her mouth. all she ever has to do is look up at him through her lashes and he’s a goner.

yoongi would fuck her so hard when he catches her being jealous, probably a lot of teasing but he’d make sure she only remembered his name as he thrusts into her because how could his puppy be so stupid and think he had eyes for another person :( i don’t think she’d ever outright admit she’s jealous but like all her over habits yoongi would catch onto how she is when she’s feeling a little jealous and then make sure to soothe her with a few kisses before he shoves his cock down her throat for good measure

the m/c would probably get super giggly if she ever saw yoongi jealous, sloppy kisses to his neck, and maybe she gets a little carried away and ends up leaving a hickey or three on his neck and then she’d be all riled up again and maybe if yoongi’s feeling a little mean he’ll watch her get herself off on his thigh

[hghway-2-heaven]

what do u think doyoung would be doin between 4 walls (things he would do, how he would act in bed, what sex with him would be like, or etc)

anon you absolute madman. my soft (and hard) spot for doyoung is about to show so mf hard

• doyoung is the kinda mf that refuses skinship in public but is ALL over you when you’re alone

• like the SECOND you’re away from prying eyes,, ALL over you

• especially if you haven’t seen him for a while

• (i feel like he has one of the highest sex drives in nct idk idk idk)

• so going without touching him for even a week drives him up the wall

• loves kissing you

• his lips are always on you even when he’s not horny

• but making out with him???? even when it’s stupid rough and intense it’s still romantic

• definitely a giver when it comes to pleasure

• like yeah he loves a good blowjob but nothing gets him off like seeing you squirm at his touch

• his long slim fingers pumping into you oh my godhnnnghhh

• and ORAL

• he is so good at it

• dude knows just how to use his mouth to drive you INSANE

• and when he gets head it’s definitely a sight to behold

• i see him as somewhat of a sadist?? in that he loves pushing your head down and hearing you gag and choke around him

• and the way he throws his head back exposing his neck is just so........yummy

• he’s verY lowkey a freak

• he’s down to try most things if they’re something you want to try

• but is pretty shy when it comes to suggesting something for himself

• he fucks you so rough but there’s a gentleness to it somehow?

• like you can feel his love through the way he makes you feel good

• i bet he likes to cum inside you or on your stomach

• and prefers missionary so he can see your face

• or for you to ride him while facing him

• a moaner for sure but tries to suppress it

• so you love doing everything in your power to hear those beautiful noises he makes

• tries to avoid fucking you in the dorms unless he’s crazy horny because he doesn’t want anyone to hear

• partly because he doesn’t want his members to hear him but mostly because he doesn’t want others hearing YOU

• because let’s be honest his dick makes you crazy

• i don’t think he’s very thick but is definitely long, no doubt in my mind

• such a good lover <3

pls i hope this was good

[alreadyblondenow]

This is how you broke Jeno’s heart

Lee Jeno x reader //ANGST, smut, fluff?

Themes: college! au, strangers to friends???, popular Jeno, normal student reader, sad ending

Word count: 5k

Summary: He was your lover, and now he’s your professor. Lee Jeno is Valentines day, 2017. Lee Jeno is afternoon golden hour drive, windows open as you let the wind gush into your face. Lee Jeno is burgers during movies on theaters. Lee Jeno is the holy grail and you broke his heart. 

Warnings: mentions of other idols, pairing of other idols, swearing, car sex, protected sex,  rough sex, slight cheating, sad ending

A/N: I did this in one sitting so I understand if this is not loved. but anyway, this is inspired from true events. And fuck, I was actually getting teary eyed while writing this because I recently found out he’s going to be married so yeah. Enjoy reading another sad story about my love life! Oh I picked Jeno because he looked like Jeno :( 

SENIOR YEAR

Three terms before graduating college, finally. Today is the first day of senior year and you’re late for your 7:30am class because of your best friend who doesn’t care about punctuality plus the elevator is taking too long and you’re worried because it’s a class you don’t want to miss because it’s hard to pass. Or so you’ve heard.

“Gosh, first day and were late?” you whine as your best friend hands you a medium sized coffee as a sorry for being late and as thank you for waiting for her.

“Since when did we ever went to class on time? And look at us now, graduating in a few months with good ass portfolio’s” she took a sip from her coffee as you both walk towards the classroom, “I wonder who the professor is” she added but the moment you guys arrived the classroom there were no professor, just waiting students freezing under the high temperature air conditioning of the school.

You removed your jacket and prepared your things on the desk, checking through twitter while you wait for the professor to come and boom.  

“Good morning class, sorry I was late but no worries. If you come in late next time, I won’t care just to be fair. Please sign this attendance sheet, pass it around as I prepare for class”

You don’t know if he saw you but you’re sure he’s someone you know and you’re hands are shaking not because of the coffee, but because of the man right in front of the whole class.  Your best friend nudge you shoulder, clearly you’re thinking about the same thing. “Are you seeing this?” she whispered beside you, pretending to fix her jacket behind her chair.

“Fuck. I thought It’s just someone who has the same features as him”

Lee Jeno.

Lee Jeno is Valentines day, 2017. Lee Jeno is afternoon golden hour drive, windows open as you let the wind gush into your face. Lee Jeno is burgers during movies on theaters. Lee Jeno is the holy grail and you broke his heart.

Flashbacks kept on coming the whole class hour and it was so hard to concentrate and listen to him while he teaches. His eyes looked at you but you don’t know if he recognise the girl who broke his heart. Maybe the school offered him a job? Or this is a part time job? Dropping the subject was your last chance and only idea to avoid him but doing that can make you not graduate on time. Fuck, you whispered to yourself.

After the class, you hurry on putting your things to your bag but not quick enough to avoid Jeno’s presence. Your best friend left you on purpose because she knew Jeno will not let this opportunity pass and as someone who knew about your history, you two need to talk. Standing beside you with his hands inside his pocket, looking at you as you hurry out the room. “No ‘hi’ or ‘hello’” his face is as handsome as ever. There’s not a day goes by that you don’t regret hurting this amazing guy.

“See you on Thursday, Sir Lee” you smiled like an innocent student and left him on the empty classroom.

FRESHMAN YEAR

Your first year in college is about adapting, adjusting with the surroundings, finding yourself or finding a certain classroom for hours and hours because the school campus is still not familiar to you. College is so different to high school especially when it comes to lunch breaks. Your lunch break is two hour long before a 5 hour brain challenging class. Good thing you have your best friend who knows how to kill time in a fun way.

“I bet your life will change in two minutes, when Lee Jeno finally enter through that door”

“Lee who?” obviously you’ve never heard about that handsome senior your best friend is talking about.

“Jeno” unlike you, your best friend knew every popular student from the higher batch. “There he is. He’s fucking handsome, I can’t believe him”

At first you didn’t want to look back, you just want your best friend to enjoy her eye candy of a crush. The way her eyes turned to heart eyes is amusing alone and you’re satisfied with that. But you are curious. So you figured, why the hell not?

Jeno was sitting with his friends the moment you turned your head towards him. He was smiling and laughing at his friends while he sits so handsome holding his phone. You didn’t notice that you were looking hard and that your best friend is the one making fun of you this time. It’s true what she just said, Lee Jeno will change your life.

“So how popular are we talking about?” you turned your head towards your best friend with a big smile.

“Popular. Girls write love letters to him and put it inside his locker and guess what, those girls knew the combination of his lock. That means girls are crazy for him, literally. Not to mention he’s smart and friends with the other cuties in the campus. Oh! He has a car, and the greatest mystery of all time…” she leaned closer to you, “Jeno and his ex, are not in good terms. And after they broke up before their freshman year ended, he never went out with someone again, he stayed single until now”

“Wasting his good looks and handsome body, and for what? For the right one? Tsk. He’s handsome but stupid” but that doesn’t changed the fact that you actually like him.

Your first year in college turned around, up side down because of Lee Jeno. You fell for him. Hard. But even though you have great feelings for the man, you kept it to yourself. Theres no way you will leave love letters in his locker before he graduates, you’re satisfied that you get to see him during your long hour lunch break and watch him smile everyday.

And as life goes on and Freshman year is almost over, that means Jeno will soon graduate and it’s time to let go of your silly crush and find another one in school. You’re not stupid to cry over a guy you’ve never even had a conversation with, but you’re sad enough that you got teary eyed when you found Jeno’s usual seat in the cafeteria being taken by some random student.

It was the start of Sophomore year and you have different schedules with your best friend. That leaves you alone during your two hour long lunch break. No Jeno. No best friend. Just you and the school’s yummy pasta, alone in table in the middle of the cafeteria full of young bloods.

“Is this seat taken? Sorry everywhere else is full”

Your mouth was full of pasta and you can’t talk or lift your head to see who it is so to avoid humiliating yourself, you signalled, ‘it’s okay. Sure take the seat.’ When you finally chewed and swallowed your food, you almost choke yourself with your own spit because it’s Lee Jeno. Eating the same pasta as yours, in front of you.

“I usually sit with my friends during lunch breaks, but they’re all gone now. Graduated already. Hi, I’m Jeno by the way” he offered his hand for you to shake and smiled handsomely.

“Uh, y/n” you gladly accepted the handshake, but you manage to keep your calm and don’t freak him out. The last thing you want to happen is Lee Jeno thinking that you’re weird. “Aren’t you a Senior? I mean, you’re kind of popular, so I know”

“Yeah. But not everyone knows I have failed a few subjects so, that’s our secret” he held a ‘shh’ gesture and continue eating.

Who would’ve thought that him failing his subjects will draw him straight to your life. It’s not right to be happy that he didn’t get to graduate on time, but you’re glad it happened.

During your time eating with each other face to face, you talked about how silly the school is for giving their students hours and hours of lunch breaks only to torture them with a five hour class afterwards. He asked about your stay here in this college and why did you pick fine arts, you did the same. It was a talk that you never imagined having with Jeno and you’re having a great time. Until those two hours are finally done and you both have to go to your respective classes.

If Cinderella had her time with her prince at the ball, you had your time with your prince in the middle of the cafeteria during lunch. Just like Cinderella, you don’t know if this kind of moment will happen again in your life. It’s not as if you can just leave your shoe and let him find you again, you just left with a smile, thanked him for his time and he thanked you for the seat.

You didn’t know, but Jeno was actually sad and having a hard time. He was having a bad day and he misses his friends, cursing this popularity that he never asked. Now everyone in school will judge him for being a late graduate. On top of that, he’s not used to eating alone and he was pretty worried until he saw you with a vacant seat. He didn’t expect to enjoy your company but boy is he glad he met you today. It’s like meeting you brightened up his mood, now he has something to look forward to during lunch breaks.

On the next day, you don’t want to keep waiting and expect the same thing that happened yesterday happen again today. So you distracted yourself with a movie. And while you’re in deep concentration with the movie while you’re eating your cookies, you saw a hand get a piece and you put on an angry face because who dared doing such a rude-

“Oh Jeno…” you were like a statue when he placed his bag on the chair and brought out some books to work on something, his homework maybe?

“Sorry for the cookie, I’ll buy you another pack after we finish this and after I do this stupid homework” he turned to his books while eating the cookie on his hand.

We. The word made you smile and nod at him, not wanting to disturb him while he studies. You figured maybe comparing yourself with Cinderella was wrong because your prince didn’t need a shoe for him to come find you.

After that second interaction with Jeno… A third happened, fourth, fifth, and so on and so forth. He depended on your great company to save him from his own sadness and heavy thoughts because being an irregular student makes him lonely and whenever he remembers not graduating with his friends makes him sad plenty.

You two spend lunch breaks together everyday and talk about everything and anything under the sun, talking about each other’s interests, laughing loudly at each other’s jokes like you’ve been friends for years and years already. In other words, you and your college crush became good friends. Maybe if you’re not destined to be lovers, you two are bound to be good college friends.

“Hey do you want to go for a drive?” the question made your heart beat fast because it’s a drive with Jeno were talking about here. You do have one last class for the day but, no one will die if you miss it just this once.

“Sure” you smiled wildly to his offer and you two made your way to the school’s parking lot.

The drive was something you will never forget because you’re with Jeno. Simple as that. The sun hits his face perfectly while his eyes are fixed on the road and you feel the wind slapping your face because he’s driving a little too fast to make it exciting and fun. He went to a drive thru and bought burgers for the two of you and eat it inside the car in the middle of an empty parking lot somewhere.

To Jeno, that drive was the proof that he’s falling for you hard. But it’s also a proof that he’s scared of loosing you once you knew about his hidden feelings. He shrugged it off and focused to the way you ate your hamburger that makes him smile but when you ask for his hamburger because you’re still hungry, it makes him happy.  

That drive sparked something between you two. It’s obvious that he likes you and you’re not stupid to not see it, he’s just not saying it yet because maybe he’s waiting for the perfect time or assurance. No one knows.

As for you feelings, let’s just say you don’t know what you want. You’re still convinced that Jeno is destined to be a great friend and not as someone who’m you can love. But since he’s been your crush, your heart still beats for him.

“Did you know that a lot of girls are crazy about you? And that they can open your locker?”

Jeno let out a loud laugh that echoes inside his car, “I know about the locker, but that locker is not just mine. It’s Haechan’s, Mark’s and Renjun’s and mine. So every time theres a letter we don’t know how to feel about it”

“Oh my, good thing I never sent you one” you laughed to yourself too.

“So you’re one of those girls? You crazy about me too?” heat creeps around your body and suddenly you avoid his eyes, “You are…” he pretends to be shocked.

“Calm down, I used to be like those girls. Okay, you can stop teasing me” you shook your head on disbelief because this is not how you imagined telling Jeno that you used to have a crush on him.

“I think you’re cute and I’m not embarrassed to tell you that so you shouldn’t be embarrassed on admitting that you used to have a crush on me” to Jeno, that’s only half true. Because he doesn’t only think that you’re cute, he thinks you’re also beautiful and he likes you. Very much.

Since the day you two became incredibly close, you realised that you’re not romantically meant to be together. But you can see him fall for you each day that passes and you hate the timing of your lives even more each day for doing this to you and Jeno. It’s like fate was playing with your feelings.

As days go by, you notice Jeno is acting a little weird towards you. Little did you know, after that drive he confirmed to himself that he likes you and not just as friend. And because of that, he’s taking baby steps on turning your friendship into something more romantic.

Come Valentines day, you didn’t expect something special to happen this day because you’re single and no one in school is interested in you. But you’re wrong. Lee Jeno has something up his sleeve and he caught off guard. For the first time in your life someone gave you a Valentine card, a box of expensive chocolates, and a red rose. All that Valentines shit couples give out during this day.

And it made you crazy happy that Jeno actually thought he has a chance with you.  

“Wow. From Lee Jeno”  you read his Valentine card and blush like crazy in front of him at the school cafeteria. It did made you happy, for some time. For a moment you forgot that Jeno is a god, who gave you Valentine goodies in front of a lot of students who knew him. And that’s how people in school knew about you and Jeno. Rumours spread like wild fire, you started getting hate message all over social media from those crazy girls. Everyone thought you’re just that Sophomore friend of Jeno and they didn’t expect that Jeno will like you.

‘Find someone prettier’

‘Her vs. your ex… definitely your ex’

‘You deserve someone better’

All those hurtful words got the best of you and it made you small. But even though you got hurt, you figured they’re just jealous of you and you won’t let them ruin your friendship with Jeno.  

Given the fact that he’s being confident with showing his feelings for you, and to be fair and to be completely nice, you just let him do his thing without hurting his feelings. If he wants to text you good morning messages and send you subtle but sweet phrases, you let him. If he wants to sit beside you during lunch breaks and not on his usual seat across you, so be it. If he insist on waiting for you after class and drive you home, you accept it. These are the things that you imagine him doing to you during freshman year but now that it’s actually happening, you feel weird about it.

Finally he asked you out on a date. Which you turned down because you have school stuff to finish and he completely understands it. And then he asked you out again, and you had to turn him down again. Because you really don’t want to go on a date with him.

“I think I’m doing something wrong?” he drinks his fourth bottle of beer while his friends listens to everything he says. Seeing the Lee Jeno so broken and frustrated like this is new to them. Turns out, you’re the only girl he’s interested with after being single for almost four years.

“Give her time that’s my say, maybe you’re intimidating her at some point and she’s not into popular guys” Mark pats Jeno’s shoulder and clinks his bottle of beer with Jeno’s.

“Any word from her best friend?” Jeno asks, and Mark shook his head none. Your best friend and Mark Lee have been dating for some time now and that officially put both of your names into the hall of fame. And a possible target of the crazy girls who are head over heels for Jeno and Mark.

Jeno didn’t understand why. It’s not that he’s so full of himself that he’s so confident that he can win you with his charms, but theres something different about you that even though it’s obvious that you only love him as a friend, he kept on pushing and pushing. And he wanted to do it until he can finally call you his.

Now that Jeno is busy being an intern outside school, you no longer see each other everyday and talk to each other like how you usually do. That’s how you met Hendery. Unlike you and Jeno who started off being friends, you and Hendery started off being sweethearts. And maybe that’s what went wrong between you and Jeno because you completely remember that you still have feelings for him the moment he ate one of your cookie, then your feelings slowly fade away each day you two meet.

You told Jeno all about Hendery through one of your calls before going to sleep simply because you don’t want him to find out from other people. “He’s a great guy, we went on a date yesterday after school”

“Two weeks with this guy and he can get you on a date? Wow” Jeno is broken, “I’m with you for over six months already and I asked you to go on a date with me twice…. you never said yes” the hurt from his voice is obvious and your heart is breaking because you didn’t mean to hurt him, you just wanted to be honest.

After that call, you and Jeno did not talked to each other. You wanted so bad to talk to him but you’re scared that he’ll get the wrong memo and that he will think that he still stand a chance. So yet let him be and you let him come to you and you focus on Hendery.

A few weeks after, you saw a picture of Yeeun and Jeno on one of his social media accounts having a romantic date somewhere. Complete with wine and candles. You’re jealous and theres no way you can cover it up.

“Is this some kind of joke?” you exclaimed over the phone to your best friend, mad and angry about what you just saw.

“He’s moving on give him a break. Besides I thought you don’t have feelings for him?”

“I don’t I’m just… offended because he’s completely doing this on purpose because of Hendery which is so childish! Oh my g- I can’t… ugh!” you continue to shout and scream over the phone but your best friend is in the middle of having sex with Mark so you can’t talk to her well.

Being jealous is a proof that you have feelings for him still. And you can’t give in to that because going back to Jeno will hurt Hendery, so you have to be smart and weigh things over. If Jeno ask you out on a date for the last time before being official with Hendery, you will give him a chance. But if not, that will be the end of it.

As days go by, Hendery has been going full out on showing how much he likes you and you come to the realization that you actually love Hendery already. Jeno on the other hand, haven’t talked to you since then, no hi or hello. And the thought of Jeno is the only thing that’s stopping you from making it official with Hendery. Of course you feel bad, it feels like you’re cheating on him. And to be completely honest, you’re growing tired of this push and pull with Jeno.

You were eating your favorite pasta alone while you catch up with some readings for your last class for the day when a fine young man sat in front of you. “Did you just saved me a seat?” one glance of his perfect smile made your anger vanished out of thin air.

“Yeah I kept it empty until you come back” you were happy to see him, it feels like those days when everything was still okay between you and him. No drama just you and Jeno and your own little world.

“Want to go for a drive?” he raised his eyebrows twice, luring you to miss another class for a drive with him. And because you miss him so bad, the next thing you know you’re watching a scary movie with burgers on your hands sitting closely with each other. His warmth is enough to make you feel safe and not scared with the movie and when the burgers are all finished, your hands are intertwined unconsciously.

You were both quiet when you got back to his car because of the movie you just watched. Both too scared and weirded out with how the story ended. “At least they died together”

“Yeah” you agreed immediately but you two stayed quiet.

“Did you know that you were holding my hand?”

You snap your head and looked at him, shy to answer what he asked you but theres no escape and you can’t make an excuse. “Yeah, sorry about tha-“

He’s quick to to grab your hand and hold it firmly you feel like your bones are starting to crush. It hurts but there’s no words coming out from your mouth. He made you face him with his free hand and leaned towards your face to kiss you. Just a peck as if he’s testing waters.

Then you kissed him back. And the kiss became heated that he pulled you close to him and invited you to sit on his lap, legs on the driver’s seat, his arms around your waist and yours is looking for something you can grasp because his kisses are intense.

“Why can’t you love me? Huh?” you see the hurt in his eyes when you peek in between kisses and you felt guilty. Tears run down to his face but you don’t know if it’s tears of joy or out of sadness.

“Jeno, please stop crying” you beg, breathing hard and gasping. But he never stopped.

“Say you love me” his hug against your waist tightens more as if he never wanted you leave his car, “say you love me, please” he sobs.

His begging made you do it, “I love you. Please stop crying, you don’t deserve this”

Hearing those words made him relax and loosen up his crushing embrace. His hand creeps to the hem of your shirt, playing with your tummy tickling it because he knows you’re ticklish. That changed the mood, he undid your pants and made some space so you can remove it easily. He did the same thing with his pants and boxer briefs and reached for the console to get a condom which he quickly rolled to his cock before you get back on top of him.

He motions you back close to him and put a little spit on his fingers before playing with your slit, checking if you’re ready to be fucked. “You’re not a virgin right? I don’t have to be careful anymore” he asked with ragged breath, obviously excited for what’s going to happen.

“Be gentle, still. It’s been so long since my last” you positioned your legs in between him, letting his cock tease your cunt and spread your juices more.

“Wheres the fun on being gentle? But don’t worry, I love you too much I wont let you get hurt”

You slowly sink down on him feeling his thick and veiny cock and rolled your hips slightly to help you adjust more and so you can have rough sex,  just how wants. “Ah- Jen if I roll my hips longer I will cum” he chuckled and took over, thrusting hard upwards your cunt. One hard thrust at a time, you feel your head bump on top of the car roof your hands push on the windows for support. Then his thrusts became faster putting you two on edge in no time.  You were moaning and letting out sharp breaths in between curses so he pulled your face closer to him and kissed you while he fucks you to your orgasm and while he catches his own.

The car smelled like sex and you were both too weak to move after cumming. It started raining hard and you feel awfully comfortable sitting on Jeno’s lap. “Just so you know, I didn’t planned for this to happen”

“I know” with all your strength you made yourself presentable again and went back to your seat and waited for Jeno to drive you home.

The rain was making you feel more sad and guilty, swimming with your thoughts while thinking about Hendery. That’s why you didn’t hear Jeno ask you is you if you were cold he needed to reach for your hand while he was driving under the strong rain and flinch because of his cold hands.

“Sorry, what” you crossed your arms so he can’t reach for your hand again. Your mind is full of Hendery and you and can’t tell him that.

Jeno on the other hand knew something is wrong that you feel guilty or mad because of the sex. But he wants to be selfish just this once to prove to you that he loves you and this is the only way. “Nothing, I asked if you were cold”

Sex never felt so wrong.

When you came home you took a shower and cried for hours, avoiding Jeno’s calls and messages because you feel bad about what happened. You don’t know what to do but you can’t tell Hendery what happened, so you did something to ease the guilt that you’re feeling. You finally made it official with Hendery, your heart broke even more when you heard him so happy through the phone because that only means he loves you too much.

Then there’s you. Having sex with a friend who’m you used to have a big crush with.

You avoided Jeno with all your power until he gets the message that you feel bad about what happened between the two of you. Until the day the that you’re ready to face him again, you will not talk to him.  

And that’s how you broke Lee Jeno’s heart.

SENIOR YEAR

What happened between you and Jeno flashbacks like a movie in your head during lunch break and you can’t believe that you can feel his presence around the campus even though you can’t see him.  

It’s been seven ugly months when you and Hendery broke up and you have to admit that it still hurt like hell. Cheating motherfucker didn’t deserve you. The regret of choosing Hendery over Jeno haunted you everyday but you didn’t expect that Jeno will literally comeback barging into your life again.

Maybe this time life will give you a shot at the love you deserve. And Jeno is the answer to that. But it’s been years since the last time you talked and that was the night you two had sex in his car. What you did to him was unforgivable and you feel bad, you feel like you used him but you didn’t mean it if that makes sense.

“Mark is here, you sure you don’t need a ride?” your best friend brought you back to reality while you were swimming in thoughts. You didn’t even notice it was raining hard already.

“I’ll be fine. I can just call an Uber, tell Mark to drive safe okay?” she hugged you and went towards Mark’s waiting car outside the school lobby. You were just about to book an Uber when someone tapped you on your shoulder.

“Come on I’ll drive you home. Just like old times”

“You do know that a student-teacher relationship is jail time right? This is not old times Jeno. You’re a teacher, a professor rather. And I’m still obviously a student” you turned your back on him and continued fidgeting on your phone.

“And I’m being a responsible adult, who’s offering help to a student that’s obviously in need because your phone just died on you” he smirked.  

“Fine wheres your car” you said, accepting defeat.

“Right this way please” he ushered you to the elevator to go to the basement parking.

While walking to his car, you didn’t expect him to still have the car. The car where you two had sex. And that is the main reason why you didn’t want him to drive you home.

The rain caused a heavy traffic and it made you feel more suffocated inside Jeno’s car. You cross your arms because you were freezing, clinging to your thin sweater for more heat.

“Don’t worry, I won’t touch you. Please relax, you’re breaking my heart”

Your head swing towards him and you gave him a look. A look that’s telling him you’re angry and how dare him to mention your past. It was so hard not to talk back because it can end up as a fight so you kept what you’re feeling to yourself.

“You make me feel like I’m a bad person when all I ever cared about is you and loving you” he added.

“Please Jeno, don’t do this now” you beg, closing your eyes and turning your back against him looking at the cars outside.

“After that night you made me feel like I’m a rapist or something. I’m sorry that it’s not what you want to do that time, I’m sorry that I begged, Im so-“

“I forgive you. And you don’t have to say sorry because I was the one who hurt you Jeno. Not the other way around, so please understand how hard it it for me to sit with you in this car. To make you feel better I regret not choosing you. There! I said it. Now please shut up”

The ride became quiet, awkward and cold so you decided to sleep if off. When you woke up from your nap, you and Jeno are in front of your house already and he’s waiting for you to wake up. His jacket is on your lap cover your freezing legs and he even turned off the air conditioning so you won’t shiver. It was a kind gesture you admit, and he’s still Lee Jeno who cared for you. Your friend. Even though you hurt him so many times and that makes you a heartless person still, you care for him. “Thank you. And I’m sorry about earlier”

“I’m getting married” he finally blurted out.

You didn’t know. You didn’t even know that he was seeing someone “And… I’m happy for you…” what he said got you speechless and you felt your heart broke even more.

“But I recently found out through Mark that you and Hendery are over… And I started to have seconds thoughts Y/n”

MAIN MASTERLIST

Story time

Is it wrong to admit that everything inside this fic happened to me in real life? hahahaha Except to the part where he’s having second thoughts. 

So yeah the story goes like that I picked someone new over my crush who’m I became good friends with and that is that. hahahaha I recently found out that he’s getting married to girl, after me. And I couldn’t help but think that WHAT IF I chose him, it could have been my wedding. :((((((((((((( oh and yeah. he looked like Jeno. 

[na-klar]

druck clip 10 translation

Saturday, 13:07

Fatou: Can you see the moon?

Mailin: Yes...?

Fatou: I think I’ll celebrate my 50th birthday on the moon.

Mailin: What?

Ava: How is that supposed to work exactly?

Fatou: Well, in 50 years you probably can fly everywhere with rockets. Yes!

Mailin: Yeah, maybe.

Nora: Hey girls!

Ava: Nora!

Fatou: Hi!

Nora: Na? How are you?

Fatou: Good.

Nora: Good?

Mailin: It’s so nice that you came.

Nora: Yeah, sorry for being late.

Mailin: I’m happy you’re here.

Ava: Oh, now that we’re all together: our victory selfie! Okay, cute.

Mailin: Cheese!

Fatou: Hey... I think it’s so great how long we’ve hung out together yesterday.

Mailin: Well, we’re the party committee now.

Ava: Oh really?

Fatou: Yeah, we’re on board. I was really lucky that I got confused with locations yesterday.

Nora: Yeah...

Fatou: But because of that I’ve a little friendship crush on you.

Others: Aww.

Mailin: Yeah, I wanted to text you guys this morning but then I thought it might come across as a little clingy.

Fatou: Sweet.

Ava: Well I’d say your boyfriends can pack it up, hm?

Mailin: I’d say it’s good that I don’t have one.

Fatou: I mean, boyfriend...? That’s a no anyway.

Mailin: Are you into women?

Fatou: You bet I am.

Mailin: Nice.

Nora: Yeah... and I only have my crazy ex boyfriend. I think that’s enough for now.

Ava: Mhm. And an admirer.

Mailin: What?

Nora: Ava... That’s not an admirer.

Ava: Okay.

Nora: He ran into me, crashed my phone and ran away. And he was too much of a coward to show his face.

Ava: And now they’re stickering to each other, so cute!

Mailin: Huh, who? As if?

Fatou: And what does stickering mean?

Nora: Well, you know these post stickers, right? And where we ran into each other, on the roof, we’re writing each other messages through these stickers.

Fatou: Cute. And what are you doing now?

Nora: I don’t know... Here. He lost this.

Ava: Show me.

Nora: No, this isn’t mine!

Ava: Just let me have a quick look! There’s nothing wrong about that.

Nora: Ava, stop it.

Ava: Chill, I just wanna see what’s in it! Hmm, okay. A music box...

Nora: Man, guys, don’t touch it, this isn’t yours!

Ava: A unusually small water bottle...

Mailin: It’s tiny!

Ava: And a lot of coins.

Nora: Yes, and they’re staying in there...

Ava: That means he has a gambling addiction. Interesting, interesting. Let’s see what my insta followers will say about this. Maybe they know who this mystery guy is.

Mailin: Now it’s starting.

Ava: Guys, I have to tell you something tragic. This charming girl was attacked yesterday by some faceless guy, Mystery-Guy!

Nora: I wasn’t attacked!

Ava: Does anyone know who’s stuff this is? And the extremely small water bottle. Notify me via DM. Stay tuned.

Fatou: Wow. Professional.

Nora: Thanks...?

Ava: Hashtag mystery guy, hashtag who is you. Post. Can we finally clink glasses now, though?

Fatou: Yeah, yeah yeah.

Ava: Cool.

Fatou: For you.

Nora: I don’t drink, thanks.

Fatou: Sure?

Nora: Yes.

Mailin: Should we get something else?

Nora: Are you serious? No stupid jokes or something?

Ava: No, why?

Mailin: Why?

Fatou: Cake! You can toast with cake.

Nora: Very yummy.

Mailin: Well, try it first.

Ava: Guys, we really can’t let the instas win. We have to think of something, how are we getting money quickly?

Fatou: Or we just chill?

Nora: Yeah, I agree.

Ava: But only today. Tomorrow...

Mailin: It’s a national holiday today!(*)

Fatou: Okay ladies. To cashqueens!

Ava: Cashqueens!

(* Today is the day of german unity/reunification)

[im-just-trying-to-get-bi]

Hello, everybody. Thanks for comin’. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I’d like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you’re about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there’s more to this story than what’s on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let’s see. Buzz. Buzz. ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ it’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ With brand new cars ♪ ♪ and houses and lawns ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Got-all-that-we-need-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we manufacture our trees ♪ ♪ Each one is made in factories ♪ ♪ And uses 96 batteries ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ the air’s not so clean ♪ ♪ So we buy it fresh ♪ ♪ It comes out this machine! ♪ ♪ In Satisfaction’s-♪ ♪ guaranteed-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we don’t want to know ♪ ♪ Where the smog and trash ♪ ♪ and chemicals go ♪ ♪ I just went swimming, ♪ ♪ and now I glow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we have fun year round ♪ ♪ We surf and snowboard ♪ ♪ right in town ♪ ♪ We thank the Lord ♪ ♪ for all we’ve got ♪ ♪ Including this ♪ ♪ brand new parking lot! ♪ ♪ Parking lot! ♪ ♪ Oh, look, it’s Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ The man who found ♪ ♪ a way to sell air ♪ ♪ And became a zillionaire ♪ ♪ Hip-hip-hooray! ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we love living this way ♪ ♪ It’s like living in paradise ♪ ♪ It’s perfect! ♪ ♪ And that’s how it will stay ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Love-the-life-we-lead-ville ♪ ♪ Destined-to-succeed-ville ♪ ♪ We-are-all-agreed-ville ♪ ♪ We love it here in… ♪ ♪ Thneedville! ♪ Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you… Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say… I’m just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one… I’d probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. * * * Ted, honey, don’t play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there’s any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It’s the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don’t even know what it does. What’s its purpose? Look at what we’ve got. It’s the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway… Let’s just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The What? Mom, it’s not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That’s right, I forgot. I’m old and can’t even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That’s not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here’s the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we’re talking about now? Oh, he’s real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That’s the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a

nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. * * * Hmm. Mr. O’Hare, what we’ve got for you is something that is going to take O’Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O’Hare, I know what you’re thinking. One, “I’ve gotten rich selling people air that’s” “fresher than the stinky stuff outside.” Two, and here is the important one, “How can I possibly make even more money?” We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don’t think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O’Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And… And what’s more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, the more people will buy. See, that’s why he’s the genius! It even rhymes! I’m aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I’m in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he’s up to. * * * Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the… Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I’m Ted. I’m Ted. I can’t breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn’t you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don’t let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it’s just… Well, I didn’t think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that’s me. The guy who still cares. I’m here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they’re all gone? It’s because of me. Wait, what? It’s because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that’s cool. You’re darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home… Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I’m actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn’t surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, “Burn!” But you will see, okay? I’m going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I’d had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise… Oh! We’re going to be there soon, I’m sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah. ♪ This is it ♪ ♪ This is the place ♪ ♪ These Truffula trees ♪ ♪ are just what I need ♪ ♪ Gonna chop one down ♪ ♪ and make my Thneed ♪ ♪ But first… ♪ ♪ Na! Na! Nanana Na! ♪ ♪ Na Na Nana Nanana Na Na… ♪ ♪ Now you! ♪ ♪ That’s great! ♪ ♪ So now our ♪ ♪ friendship can begin ♪ ♪ Hand in hand, ♪ ♪ and wing and fin ♪ ♪ There’s nothing ♪ ♪ you and I can’t do ♪ ♪ So let’s all make ♪ ♪ my dreams come true ♪ Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that’s awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That’s great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got

it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys… Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh… No. Who did it? What’s that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I’m the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you’re telling me, you just didn’t see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn’t see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that’s not how it works. Okay. Um… Didn’t really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I’ve got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy… How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I’m going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you… Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What’s your deal, man? Pull them right out Time for you to go, Beanpole! Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature’s innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That’s it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I’m going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you’re not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn’t listen to his warning. And you won’t believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don’t make me come back! I guess you don’t really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just… Nah! You don’t have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It’s all right. It’s okay, I’ll come back. It’s no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. * * * What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps… This? Ted, you didn’t. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You’re kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just… I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I’ll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I’ll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You’re not going anywhere, young man. It’s Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we’re all playing board games! But… Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I’ll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. * * * Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O’Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What’s that all about? Oh. Um… Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there’s not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don’t know about. Here’s the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don’t go poking around in things you don’t understand or I’ll be your worst nightmare. I’m Frankenstein’s head on a

spider’s body! Yeah, um… Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I’m just going to… Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can’t think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Even. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You’re already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn’t. I’m just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren’t you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don’t know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It’s a girl, isn’t it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that’s because he’s a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it’s usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She’s a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I’m going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? * * * Now that’s a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that… Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn’t have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can’t swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I’m coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that’s bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What’s happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it’s coming up fast! Whoo! We’re in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it’s not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait… On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh… About that… Actually… I put your bed in the water. I didn’t mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you’re chopping them down! So, we’ve got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I’m going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I’ve got a big day tomorrow so I’m going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. * * * Ow! Okay, what are you… Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body’s way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. “No harm done”? “No harm done”? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just… In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don’t even have a mustache. Okay, that’s it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn’t chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I’m starving. What’s for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that… “Garbage”? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It’s a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by

uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there’s more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You’re bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I’m gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing that all people… ♪ Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn’t sell it the first day. ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great… ♪ Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally… That’s it! You know what? I’m done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where’s your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn’t sell it. Turns out, it’s ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we’ll deal you in. What are we playing? I’m playing poker. He’s playing Go Fish. And I think he’s hungry. Ohhh. ♪ Pancake, the pancake ♪ Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What’s going on? Oh, no. That’s a lot of people. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great ♪ ♪ Let’s hope we’re not too late ♪ ♪ It’s a super trendy hat ♪ ♪ It’s a tightrope for an acrobat ♪ ♪ A net for catching butterflies ♪ ♪ A thing we use for exercise ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ Oh, yeah! We’re in business, baby! ♪ We need a Thneed ♪ Mom? Hey, it’s me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We’re going to be rich! What? I’m going to need all the help I can get. Don’t worry. * * * So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he’s going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I’ll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What’s up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you’re always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She’s even prettier than… Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let’s get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I’m so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I’m back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that’s actually not a… Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There’s my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you’re all here, you all work for me, and that’s cool. So, let’s get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don’t move an inch. Nobody’s moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I’ll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn’t hit a woman. That’s a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend… Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That’s right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I’m going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay?

Bigger? Yeah, this isn’t some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It’s going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. * * * I mean, look at this. It’s amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we’ve got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we’re not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you’re thinking. That would speed things up! But… No “but” s, Oncie. You’re running a business now. You have to do what’s best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to chop down a few trees. You’ve made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you’re going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I’m sorry, but Mr. Once-ler’s not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he’ll see me. So… Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You’re better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I’m not bad, I’m the good guy here. He just doesn’t get it. Do you think I’m bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What’s his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Well, there’s ♪ ♪ a principle in nature ♪ ♪ Principle in nature ♪ ♪ That almost ♪ ♪ every creature knows ♪ ♪ Called survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ Survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ And check it, ♪ ♪ this is how it goes ♪ ♪ The animal that wins ♪ ♪ gotta scratch and fight ♪ ♪ And claw and bite and punch ♪ ♪ And the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Well, the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Winds up someone else’s ♪ ♪ La-la-la-la lunch ♪ ♪ Munch, munch, munch, munch, ♪ ♪ munch I’m just sayin’ ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ There’s a principle in business ♪ ♪ Principle in business ♪ ♪ That everybody knows is sound ♪ ♪ It says the people with the ♪ ♪ money People with the money ♪ ♪ Make this ♪ ♪ ever-loving world go round ♪ ♪ So I’m biggering my company ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my factory ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my corporate sign ♪ ♪ Bigger, bigger! ♪ ♪ Everybody out there ♪ ♪ You take care of yours ♪ ♪ I’ll take care of ♪ ♪ mine-mine-mine-mine-mine ♪ ♪ Shake that bottom line ♪ ♪ Let me hear you ♪ ♪ say Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Schloppity-Schlopp! ♪ ♪ Complain all you want It’s never, ♪ ♪ ever, ever, ever gonna stop ♪ ♪ Stop! ♪ ♪ Come on, ♪ ♪ how bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just building the economy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ Just look at me ♪ ♪ petting this puppy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ A portion of proceeds ♪ ♪ goes to charity ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad could I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Let’s see! ♪ ♪ All the customers are buying ♪ ♪ And the money’s multiplying ♪ ♪ And the PR people are lying ♪ ♪ And the lawyers are denying ♪ ♪ Who cares if ♪ ♪ a few trees are dying? ♪ ♪ This is all so gratifying! ♪ ♪ How bad? ♪ ♪ How bad can this possibly be? ♪ So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you’ve got a problem with what I’m doing, why haven’t you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that’s not how it works. Right, I forgot. You’re a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My

conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that’s it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention’s going to be. Yeah, I wonder… Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don’t want any trouble. And you won’t get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can’t live here anymore. So, I’m sending them off. Hopefully, they’ll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin… Hey, Pipsqueak… Hey… So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I’ve sat here regretting everything I’ve done, staring at that word, “unless,” and wondering what it meant. But now I’m thinking… Well, maybe you’re the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become. That’s not just a seed, any more than you’re just a boy. I won’t let you down. I know. * * * Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but… My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we’re going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have… Ted? Mom, I’m busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O’Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh… Hi. Isn’t he clever, Mr. O’Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I’ll stay here and talk. Sure, why don’t you go ahead and adopt him? I’m just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I’ll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let’s put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I’m sorry… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Really? Well, then… I guess you wouldn’t mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can’t go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can’t come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn’t involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don’t care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We’ll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what’s going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where’s Grammy? It’s alive! I remember you. Ted, what… Audrey! Hey, did you want to… Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It’s about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that… Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you’re going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don’t have time for that. I don’t know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let’s just go. Let’s go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I’m going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won’t get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You’re fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O… Ted… This is not good. How’s it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that’s right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the… Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don’t have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo!

Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It’s Mr. O… Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There’s no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy… Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O’Hare’s head! What do you think you’re doing, kid? Um, I’m looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks… The last thing you want around here is trees. They’re filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you’re really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It’s called photosynthesis. Come on. She’s making that up! That’s a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don’t need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who’s with me? Come on! O’Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you’re going? Come on, let’s go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you’re going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren’t perfect here in Thneedville. And they’re only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you’re fired! Go on, tell them what you think. ♪ You don’t know me, ♪ ♪ but my name’s Cy ♪ ♪ I’m just ♪ ♪ the O’Hare delivery guy ♪ ♪ But it seems like ♪ ♪ trees might be worth a try ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name is Dan ♪ ♪ And my name’s Rose ♪ ♪ Our son Wesley kind of glows ♪ ♪ And that’s not good, ♪ ♪ so we suppose ♪ ♪ We should let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s Marie, ♪ ♪ and I am three! ♪ ♪ I would really ♪ ♪ like to see a tree ♪ ♪ I say let it grow ♪ ♪ I’m Grammy Norma I’m old, ♪ ♪ and I’ve got gray hair ♪ ♪ But I remember when ♪ ♪ trees were everywhere ♪ ♪ And no one had to pay for air ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Like it did so long ago ♪ ♪ It is just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to change ♪ ♪ the life we lead ♪ ♪ Time to let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s O’Hare, ♪ ♪ I’m one of you ♪ ♪ I live here in Thneedville, too ♪ ♪ The things you say ♪ ♪ just might be true ♪ ♪ It could be time to start anew ♪ ♪ And maybe change ♪ ♪ my point of view ♪ Nah! I say let it die! ♪ Let it die, let it die ♪ ♪ Let it shrivel up and… ♪ Come on, who’s with me? Nobody. ♪ You greedy dirt-bag-‘ ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Let the love inside you show ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ It’s just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to ♪ ♪ banish all your greed ♪ ♪ Imagine Thneedville ♪ ♪ flowered and treed ♪ ♪ Let this be our solemn creed ♪ Thank you, Ted. ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache. UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. —Dr. Seuss THE END

Hello, everybody. Thanks for comin’. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I’d like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you’re about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there’s more to this story than what’s on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let’s see. Buzz. Buzz. ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ it’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ With brand new cars ♪ ♪ and houses and lawns ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Got-all-that-we-need-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we manufacture our trees ♪ ♪ Each one is made in factories ♪ ♪ And uses 96 batteries ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ the air’s not so clean ♪ ♪ So we buy it fresh ♪ ♪ It comes out this machine! ♪ ♪ In Satisfaction’s-♪ ♪ guaranteed-ville ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we don’t want to know ♪ ♪ Where the smog and trash ♪ ♪ and chemicals go ♪ ♪ I just went swimming, ♪ ♪ and now I glow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we have fun year round ♪ ♪ We surf and snowboard ♪ ♪ right in town ♪ ♪ We thank the Lord ♪ ♪ for all we’ve got ♪ ♪ Including this ♪ ♪ brand new parking lot! ♪ ♪ Parking lot! ♪ ♪ Oh, look, it’s Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ Aloysius O’Hare ♪ ♪ The man who found ♪ ♪ a way to sell air ♪ ♪ And became a zillionaire ♪ ♪ Hip-hip-hooray! ♪ ♪ In Thneedville, ♪ ♪ we love living this way ♪ ♪ It’s like living in paradise ♪ ♪ It’s perfect! ♪ ♪ And that’s how it will stay ♪ ♪ Oh, yeah! ♪ ♪ Here in ♪ ♪ Love-the-life-we-lead-ville ♪ ♪ Destined-to-succeed-ville ♪ ♪ We-are-all-agreed-ville ♪ ♪ We love it here in… ♪ ♪ Thneedville! ♪ Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you… Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say… I’m just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one… I’d probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. * * * Ted, honey, don’t play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there’s any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It’s the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don’t even know what it does. What’s its purpose? Look at what we’ve got. It’s the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway… Let’s just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The What? Mom, it’s not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That’s right, I forgot. I’m old and can’t even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That’s not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here’s the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we’re talking about now? Oh, he’s real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That’s the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a

nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. * * * Hmm. Mr. O’Hare, what we’ve got for you is something that is going to take O’Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O’Hare, I know what you’re thinking. One, “I’ve gotten rich selling people air that’s” “fresher than the stinky stuff outside.” Two, and here is the important one, “How can I possibly make even more money?” We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don’t think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O’Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And… And what’s more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, the more people will buy. See, that’s why he’s the genius! It even rhymes! I’m aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I’m in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he’s up to. * * * Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the… Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I’m Ted. I’m Ted. I can’t breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn’t you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don’t let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it’s just… Well, I didn’t think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that’s me. The guy who still cares. I’m here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they’re all gone? It’s because of me. Wait, what? It’s because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that’s cool. You’re darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home… Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I’m actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn’t surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, “Burn!” But you will see, okay? I’m going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I’d had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise… Oh! We’re going to be there soon, I’m sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah. ♪ This is it ♪ ♪ This is the place ♪ ♪ These Truffula trees ♪ ♪ are just what I need ♪ ♪ Gonna chop one down ♪ ♪ and make my Thneed ♪ ♪ But first… ♪ ♪ Na! Na! Nanana Na! ♪ ♪ Na Na Nana Nanana Na Na… ♪ ♪ Now you! ♪ ♪ That’s great! ♪ ♪ So now our ♪ ♪ friendship can begin ♪ ♪ Hand in hand, ♪ ♪ and wing and fin ♪ ♪ There’s nothing ♪ ♪ you and I can’t do ♪ ♪ So let’s all make ♪ ♪ my dreams come true ♪ Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that’s awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That’s great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got

it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys… Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh… No. Who did it? What’s that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I’m the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you’re telling me, you just didn’t see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn’t see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that’s not how it works. Okay. Um… Didn’t really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I’ve got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy… How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I’m going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you… Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What’s your deal, man? Pull them right out Time for you to go, Beanpole! Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature’s innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That’s it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I’m going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you’re not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn’t listen to his warning. And you won’t believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don’t make me come back! I guess you don’t really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just… Nah! You don’t have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It’s all right. It’s okay, I’ll come back. It’s no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I’ll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. * * * What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps… This? Ted, you didn’t. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You’re kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just… I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I’ll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I’ll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You’re not going anywhere, young man. It’s Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we’re all playing board games! But… Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I’ll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. * * * Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O’Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What’s that all about? Oh. Um… Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there’s not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don’t know about. Here’s the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don’t go poking around in things you don’t understand or I’ll be your worst nightmare. I’m Frankenstein’s head on a

spider’s body! Yeah, um… Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I’m just going to… Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can’t think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Even. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You’re already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn’t. I’m just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren’t you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don’t know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It’s a girl, isn’t it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that’s because he’s a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it’s usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She’s a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I’m going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? * * * Now that’s a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that… Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn’t have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can’t swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I’m coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that’s bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What’s happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it’s coming up fast! Whoo! We’re in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it’s not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait… On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh… About that… Actually… I put your bed in the water. I didn’t mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you’re chopping them down! So, we’ve got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I’m going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I’ve got a big day tomorrow so I’m going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. * * * Ow! Okay, what are you… Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body’s way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. “No harm done”? “No harm done”? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just… In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don’t even have a mustache. Okay, that’s it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn’t chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I’m starving. What’s for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that… “Garbage”? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It’s a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by

uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there’s more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You’re bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I’m gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing that all people… ♪ Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn’t sell it the first day. ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great… ♪ Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally… That’s it! You know what? I’m done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where’s your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn’t sell it. Turns out, it’s ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we’ll deal you in. What are we playing? I’m playing poker. He’s playing Go Fish. And I think he’s hungry. Ohhh. ♪ Pancake, the pancake ♪ Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What’s going on? Oh, no. That’s a lot of people. ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ The Thneed is good ♪ ♪ The Thneed is great ♪ ♪ Let’s hope we’re not too late ♪ ♪ It’s a super trendy hat ♪ ♪ It’s a tightrope for an acrobat ♪ ♪ A net for catching butterflies ♪ ♪ A thing we use for exercise ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ ♪ A fine thing ♪ ♪ that all people need ♪ ♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪ Oh, yeah! We’re in business, baby! ♪ We need a Thneed ♪ Mom? Hey, it’s me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We’re going to be rich! What? I’m going to need all the help I can get. Don’t worry. * * * So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he’s going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I’ll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What’s up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you’re always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She’s even prettier than… Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let’s get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I’m so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I’m back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that’s actually not a… Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There’s my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you’re all here, you all work for me, and that’s cool. So, let’s get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don’t move an inch. Nobody’s moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I’ll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn’t hit a woman. That’s a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend… Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That’s right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I’m going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay?

Bigger? Yeah, this isn’t some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It’s going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. * * * I mean, look at this. It’s amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we’ve got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we’re not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you’re thinking. That would speed things up! But… No “but” s, Oncie. You’re running a business now. You have to do what’s best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to chop down a few trees. You’ve made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you’re going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I’m sorry, but Mr. Once-ler’s not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he’ll see me. So… Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You’re better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I’m not bad, I’m the good guy here. He just doesn’t get it. Do you think I’m bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What’s his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Well, there’s ♪ ♪ a principle in nature ♪ ♪ Principle in nature ♪ ♪ That almost ♪ ♪ every creature knows ♪ ♪ Called survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ Survival of the fittest ♪ ♪ And check it, ♪ ♪ this is how it goes ♪ ♪ The animal that wins ♪ ♪ gotta scratch and fight ♪ ♪ And claw and bite and punch ♪ ♪ And the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Well, the animal that doesn’t ♪ ♪ Winds up someone else’s ♪ ♪ La-la-la-la lunch ♪ ♪ Munch, munch, munch, munch, ♪ ♪ munch I’m just sayin’ ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just following my destiny ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just doin’ ♪ ♪ what comes naturally ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ There’s a principle in business ♪ ♪ Principle in business ♪ ♪ That everybody knows is sound ♪ ♪ It says the people with the ♪ ♪ money People with the money ♪ ♪ Make this ♪ ♪ ever-loving world go round ♪ ♪ So I’m biggering my company ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my factory ♪ ♪ I’m biggering my corporate sign ♪ ♪ Bigger, bigger! ♪ ♪ Everybody out there ♪ ♪ You take care of yours ♪ ♪ I’ll take care of ♪ ♪ mine-mine-mine-mine-mine ♪ ♪ Shake that bottom line ♪ ♪ Let me hear you ♪ ♪ say Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Smogulous Smoke! ♪ ♪ Schloppity-Schlopp! ♪ ♪ Complain all you want It��s never, ♪ ♪ ever, ever, ever gonna stop ♪ ♪ Stop! ♪ ♪ Come on, ♪ ♪ how bad can I possibly be? ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ I’m just building the economy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ Just look at me ♪ ♪ petting this puppy ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ A portion of proceeds ♪ ♪ goes to charity ♪ ♪ How bad can I be? ♪ ♪ How bad could I possibly be? ♪ ♪ Let’s see! ♪ ♪ All the customers are buying ♪ ♪ And the money’s multiplying ♪ ♪ And the PR people are lying ♪ ♪ And the lawyers are denying ♪ ♪ Who cares if ♪ ♪ a few trees are dying? ♪ ♪ This is all so gratifying! ♪ ♪ How bad? ♪ ♪ How bad can this possibly be? ♪ So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you’ve got a problem with what I’m doing, why haven’t you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that’s not how it works. Right, I forgot. You’re a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My

conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that’s it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention’s going to be. Yeah, I wonder… Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don’t want any trouble. And you won’t get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can’t live here anymore. So, I’m sending them off. Hopefully, they’ll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin… Hey, Pipsqueak… Hey… So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I’ve sat here regretting everything I’ve done, staring at that word, “unless,” and wondering what it meant. But now I’m thinking… Well, maybe you’re the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become. That’s not just a seed, any more than you’re just a boy. I won’t let you down. I know. * * * Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but… My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we’re going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have… Ted? Mom, I’m busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O’Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh… Hi. Isn’t he clever, Mr. O’Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I’ll stay here and talk. Sure, why don’t you go ahead and adopt him? I’m just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I’ll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let’s put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I’m sorry… I don’t know what you’re talking about. Really? Well, then… I guess you wouldn’t mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can’t go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can’t come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn’t involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don’t care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We’ll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what’s going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where’s Grammy? It’s alive! I remember you. Ted, what… Audrey! Hey, did you want to… Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It’s about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that… Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you’re going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don’t have time for that. I don’t know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let’s just go. Let’s go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I’m going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won’t get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You’re fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O… Ted… This is not good. How’s it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that’s right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the… Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don’t have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo!

Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It’s Mr. O… Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There’s no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy… Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O’Hare’s head! What do you think you’re doing, kid? Um, I’m looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks… The last thing you want around here is trees. They’re filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you’re really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It’s called photosynthesis. Come on. She’s making that up! That’s a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don’t need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who’s with me? Come on! O’Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you’re going? Come on, let’s go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you’re going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren’t perfect here in Thneedville. And they’re only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you’re fired! Go on, tell them what you think. ♪ You don’t know me, ♪ ♪ but my name’s Cy ♪ ♪ I’m just ♪ ♪ the O’Hare delivery guy ♪ ♪ But it seems like ♪ ♪ trees might be worth a try ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name is Dan ♪ ♪ And my name’s Rose ♪ ♪ Our son Wesley kind of glows ♪ ♪ And that’s not good, ♪ ♪ so we suppose ♪ ♪ We should let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s Marie, ♪ ♪ and I am three! ♪ ♪ I would really ♪ ♪ like to see a tree ♪ ♪ I say let it grow ♪ ♪ I’m Grammy Norma I’m old, ♪ ♪ and I’ve got gray hair ♪ ♪ But I remember when ♪ ♪ trees were everywhere ♪ ♪ And no one had to pay for air ♪ ♪ So I say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Like it did so long ago ♪ ♪ It is just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to change ♪ ♪ the life we lead ♪ ♪ Time to let it grow ♪ ♪ My name’s O’Hare, ♪ ♪ I’m one of you ♪ ♪ I live here in Thneedville, too ♪ ♪ The things you say ♪ ♪ just might be true ♪ ♪ It could be time to start anew ♪ ♪ And maybe change ♪ ♪ my point of view ♪ Nah! I say let it die! ♪ Let it die, let it die ♪ ♪ Let it shrivel up and… ♪ Come on, who’s with me? Nobody. ♪ You greedy dirt-bag-‘ ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ Let the love inside you show ♪ ♪ Plant a seed inside the Earth ♪ ♪ Just one way to know its worth ♪ ♪ Let’s celebrate ♪ ♪ the world’s rebirth ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ Let it grow, let it grow ♪ ♪ You can’t reap ♪ ♪ what you don’t sow ♪ ♪ It’s just one tiny seed ♪ ♪ But it’s all we really need ♪ ♪ It’s time to ♪ ♪ banish all your greed ♪ ♪ Imagine Thneedville ♪ ♪ flowered and treed ♪ ♪ Let this be our solemn creed ♪ Thank you, Ted. ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ In Thneedville ♪ ♪ We say let it grow ♪ ♪ It’s a brand new dawn ♪ You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache. UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. —Dr. Seuss THE END

Omg

[fizzingwizard]

Alright alright alright digimon adventure: episode 21, go!!! Last week I was interested to see if the pretty vague ep 21 preview was gonna be a mostly dull fight type filler ep or if the reason for the vagueness was there was too much plotty stuff going on for them to reveal. It’s the latter, I’m happy to say!

It was really cool!! There was a lot of good stuff so YAY! Anything I write here will be a spoiler but let’s just say that T is a very important letter in the alphabet! multiple Ts, in fact!!

Cap of the day: my boy being AWESOME

Let’s get to it! under the cut as usual

Now last week’s episode was A LOT. We rescued Takeru who no one even knew needed rescuing, gained and then immediately lost the Holy Digimon, got him back in the form of a digi-egg, and then immediately lost THAT too. Honestly I get why it’s Chosen Children and not Chosen Adults - adults would be like “are you KIDDING me all this work with NO PAYOFF I am gonna SUE”

Patamon’s digi-egg has been abducted by this guy... Skullnightmon? It seems he was a Xros Wars character. I had to look him up because at first I tried “Scarlnightmon” because Idk I was thinking Scarlet Night??? like night of blood and death??? idk. and Google tried to autocorrect it to “Scranton.” Uh... yeah. Skullnightmon makes more sense because of the BIG ASS SKULL on his breasplate. -.-;

It occurs to me how little I know about any Digimon series other than Adventure X’D I mean, I’m not gonna do anything to change that, but.... yeah I’m gonna continue to mix up stuff like this. His loyal steed is Darkmaildramon.

Yamato, of course, is immediately like Protective Mode On.

So at first I was a bit worried that this ep was gonna just Move Things Along as usual and Yamato wasn’t going to react to his little bro randomly being in the digital world. Let alone in the clutches of pure evil up until just recently. When you’re caught up in battle it’s admittedly hard to find time to Talk about stuff but COME ON

Fortunately, thought we don’t get a lot of Talking, we do get a bit. Like this cute moment where Takeru tries to explain what happened and Yamato’s just like “We can talk later” and gives him this adorable head pat. Ok, fine. I can live with that. It’s better than nothing xP

They arrive at the creepy castle which Taichi recognizes as the place Ogremon directed them to. It looks very evil and in front of it is a giant equally evil moat.

They also find this sinkhole sort of thing which Takeru promptly rushes over to stand at the very edge.

Yamato: OMG kid I look away for ONE SECOND

le gasp! Takeru finds a shiny feather at the edge of the hole! It’s a sign of the holy digimon! We should go investigate!

Oops first we have to find this gross Garurumon knock off... Its name is Splashmon but I think it should be “MeltedCrayonGarurumon”

Splashmon is apparently also from Xros wars and can turn into liquid and take on the form of other Digimon... I don’t know if he’s always this shit at it though. Maybe being controlled by evil is the reason for all the meltyness because he looks pretty cool in his wikia:

rofl...

Splashmon showers them all with acid rain and Yamato protec baby bro :< *wibble*

He then carries him to safety like this. xP

Yamato: Takeru, hide!

Takeru: This bottomless pit that reeks of evil seems like an ideal hiding spot. Niichan will be so proud

No but seriously... looks like we don’t get cowardly, crybaby Takeru this season. The kids getting to y’know Be Human about stuff is a thing it looks like I’m going to continue to miss in this reboot. But on the other hand, I genuinely DO enjoy Takeru throwing his all into saving Angemon.

Skullnightmon sticks Angemon’s digi-egg here where it gets chained down by evil vines. Very evil. Also seems like overkill, I mean, it’s an egg, what’s it going to do, roll off the platform?

We then switch gears and rejoin the kids in the real world, where Koushirou has, apparently overnight, if not in the last five minutes, created an update for their digivices which enables them to always be in contact with their partner. I don’t really get the details but that appears to be the size of it. We also catch up with Mimi and Jou.

At first I thought this was a school, but no, IT’S MIMI’S HOUSE. She has a PERSONAL CHAUFFEUR. Like, 99 Adventure Mimi was well-off, that was especially clear in 02... but... WOWZA.

Mimi’s parents look as stupid as ever xD I love them. They’re joined by her grandpa. After having been gone for three days with no explanation, Mimi’s parents are just like “Don’t you want to take it easy at home today?” when she says she needs to go out. Mimi’s just like “I gotta do what I gotta do!” (ok she actually quotes her grandpa from back in her intro ep but) and leaves like nothing happened.

.... I think grandpa might be dead. He doesn’t move the whole scene. Doesn’t even change his expression. I guess his mouth is a bit more open but that could just be because rigor mortis hasn’t quite set in

Meanwhile in Jou’s (normal, average) apartment, we meet SHIN-NIISAN!!! He’s as much of a dick as ever. I love him. Jou’s parents were mad because 1) he was gone for three days, 2) he skipped cram school, 3) he lost his textbook. I think Shin’s basically like HECK yeah finally my little bro shows his cool side! So he decides to be an enabler. GOOD, seems like Jou needs someone to be on his side at home ;_;

Their Digimon partners are traveling in the interwebz like... this... -____-;

They end up tracking Calmaramon, who is indeed Calmaramon.

I remember from Frontier when Renamon evolved to Calmaramon everyone gave her SO MUCH GRIEF for not being sexy. Wasn’t there like this whole episode devoted to how beautiful Izumi’s evolutions were and then Calmara the Squid Woman shows up and everyone’s like “ewww gross yuck!!” And ok I know she’s evil here too. But guys I JUST THINK SQUID WOMAN IS WICKED AWESOME OKAY. Like that is a LOOK. Versace take notes.

Like can we get some body positivity??? There is NOTHING wrong with being half-squid. Zephyrmon is not better just because she wears lingerie! Bet she can beat everyone at the swim meet. Also tastes yummy fried or raw with soy sauce.

ok I’m done. I’m serious about loving Calmaramon though. I have so many Frontier issues I totally forgot about >_>;

*cough* so yeah Calmaramon and those little green Digimon virus things take control of some boat and Koushirou’s like Uh-Oh Danger Will Robinson. Piyomon tries to attack with Magical Fire and is surprised, for some reason, when it does not do much. They are very much outnumbered and Calmaramon is clearly a much higher level than them so WHY do they think child-level is gonna be enough??

So this is cool!! Koushirou appears to be learning to read digi-code! He sounds out Calmaramon’s name by himself. We still pretty much have the question of why Taichi could just read digi-code fluently (well, almost? he randomly couldn’t read everything at the fortress if memory serves) and Koushirou has to sound it out... will we get an answer to this or?? Like if it were Takeru or Hikari I’d just assume it’s their Magic Baby powers at work but it was never made clear if just Taichi can read like this or they all can, and now it seems like maybe they all can’t since Koushirou’s trying so hard here...

Meanwhile Takeru...

99 Yamato would never have taken his eyes off Takeru for so long lmao

though it makes more sense if this season’s Takeru is more independent which he seems to be

Splashmon turns out to be really tough to beat, because he’s lost his mind and therefore holds nothing back xP He crushes MetalGreymon and WereGarurumon to the ground, infecting them with miasma.

At this point I was disappointed that Taichi and Yamato were still so clear-headed... like when are you gonna worry about your partner dude?? He gets the Crest of Courage because he’s never felt fear in his life??????

But then, their next move fails and WereGarurumon de-evolves back to Gabumon, while MetalGreymon is still in Splashmon’s clutches. He proceeds to pretty much make MetalGreymon’s arm wither away...

And Taichi FINALLY looks worried. ABOUT TIME.

Takeru has made it to the bottom of the hole, where he is startled to find this giant eye. I would also fall right on my bottom if I suddenly came across a giant eye.

Giant eye seems interested in Takeru’s digivice, so Takeru politely lets him have a look. BLINGGGGGGG.

Giant Eye: Ow ow ow turn it down!!!

Takeru: Sorry it’s LED!!

Taichi runs to rescue MetalGreymon in the... most ineffectual way possible... I love him...

The miasma can even hurt humans, it appears. Even though he’s in pain, Taichi doesn’t give up, and we get to hear Yamato shriek “Taichi!” all scared and adorable-like.

Taichi passionately reminds MetalGreymon about what they’re fighting for and succeeds in motivating him to be less dead.

Taichi: GIMME A V DOT THE I CURLY C T O R Y VICTORY!! *CLAP CLAP* VICTORY!! *CLAP CLAP*

Yamato: Incredible... so this is the power of a Pep Talk...

Taichi’s Pep causes MetalGreymon’s arm to... fall off... but it’s ok because it sprouts a long wiggly band of light uhhhhhh which then turns into a Giant Gun. So all is well. because MetalGreymon didn’t already have enough guns

MetalGreymon succeeds in defeating Splashmon and we seem some purple crystal sort of thing disappear, my guess is that’s what was controlling him. Agumon falls from midair and Taichi catches him like this.

They cute. They also need a break. Well, Agumon needs a break, I honestly think Taichi doesn’t even have an Off button...

Just when you think things can’t get weirder... Giant Eye appears.

Takeru’s on top of him looking all cool! Till he immediately falls!

Yamato catches him somewhat more adroitly than Taichi caught Agumon xP

The eye belongs to ElDradimon!! I love “animals with worlds on their backs” so this is totally up my ally. My first guess about the eye was that it was gonna be one of the digital sovereigns but this is still pretty cool.

Sooooooo cooooooooool

Yamato doesn’t even lecture Takeru about going off on his own and not hiding like he was told. SO DIFFERENT CANNOT COMPUTE. But looks how happy Takeru is to be praised by his bro for helping ElDradimon. Awww.

I’ve got to now reevaluate how I think things will go down because I really expected Takeru to be something that drives a wedge between Yamato and Taichi. In the old days, Yamato was super protective but Taichi would let Takeru do whatever and Takeru got a little boy crush on him which fed into Yamato’s inferiority complex. But if Yamato’s not overprotective and Takeru is already capable on his own... New directions are good though. I won’t be sorry if they don’t rehash all that BUT I need it to be replaced with something else. Taichi can’t just always be serious, Yamato can’t just always be cool... I like the reboot but I am still on edge about the character stuff.

... Yeah so ElDradimon was mega cool and then... he opened up his VACANT head... bahahaha.... bahahahahahahahahahahaha

So what I really liked about this ep was what I saw as parallels drawn between Taichi and Takeru on the theme of “Do anything to help your partner.” Takeru can’t stop looking for Angemon’s egg, that’s why he goes into the hole after finding the feather. He might not know what’s doing but he’s still gonna do it. Taichi knows a bit more and he’s usually so calculating and strategic, but when MetalGreymon looked on the verge of defeat he threw caution to the wind and tried to save him himself. Okay, not the first time we’ve seen this, true, but it did seem to be the running theme of the episode.

I know I didn’t really talk about how apparently the kids can now update their partners with new powers/gadgets?? by believing in them enough... but y’know that just sounds like the sort of thing a kid’s show would do. I almost miss the card game from Tamers... it would be cool to see the kids have to think and strategically choose what they want to equip their partners with. That was part of the enticement of Tamers, where Adventure was more inexplicable magic, Tamers relied more on intent. Taichi is such a strategist (and of course there’s also freaking Koushirou) that it seems a waste to not involve the kids in the decision making more.

Next week’s ep preivew was a bit hard to follow but 1) the animation looks better than this week thank heaven and 2) it looks like fun. And we get more bamf Takeru! Woot. Can I still say woot in 2020? I can because of senior citizen privilege right?

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 61

~*~Sebastian~*~

It had been a long day of uncomfortable conversations, meetings, interviews, lunch with strangers, and an early dinner with friends. I'd left my room at nine and it was after eight when I slid the key card in the door.

The smell hit me fast. Roses. I flipped on the light to locate the source. Sitting on the glass dining table was a vase of red and black roses. That's a little scary. Then I noticed something with black polka dots and a bow.

"No way." They couldn't be. I pulled them free and they were. Disney mouse ears. I started laughing. There was only one person these could be from. The card said, "From one Disney lover to another. Sunt al tău, copil. Xoxo, Emma."

Emma has sent me roses signed “I'm yours, baby.” Had I not already moved my Wednesday dinner to Sunday I would have been on my phone making up shit to get out of Canada a day earlier. On the back of the card was an explanation. Red roses for romance and desire. Black for new beginnings and change. I was thinking love and hate, but this better.

I put them on and sat at the table in front of my laptop. I was about to hang up and text her when she picked up, "I'm here. I’m here. I was in the bathroom changing." Her fingers touched the screen, "You like your ears?"

"I love my ears. And my flowers. It smells great in here. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I hope you got the sarcasm. We don’t love Disney, but are Disney lovers."

"I did." It kills me that she's turned an NDA into a joke between us. Mice can't tell time and roses with ears. Emma is simply the best. She was also slowly sliding sideways.

"Are you drunk?" I turned my head to the side following her tilt.

She rubbed her hand under her nose with her eyes closed. "A little drunk. My nose itches." She repeated the action.

"Did you have a fun spa day?" I held up my hand with crossed fingers.

"I did!" She listed a little more to the side and I smiled. "There was a lot of seaweed."

"Seaweed?"

"A lot of seaweed. It started with a salt scrub, which felt really good. Then I was wrapped in seaweed and left to marinade for a while."

"Marinade." I curled my lips in trying not to laugh. This was a different drunk. She was silly.

"Next was their signature "four-hand" massage. Two people."

"That sounds fun."

"You'd think, but it was weird and creepy. I felt like I was being prepared as a virgin sacrifice to a lesser known god or maybe a volcano."

"Except you're not a virgin."

She frowned and huffed out a disgusted breath, "You don't know that."

I laughed, "Yes, I kinda do."

"Fine. I was very uncomfortable and sent one away after maybe two minutes. The massage therapist said it happens and was important for me to be comfy. It was a very good massage. She left and an aesthetician came in for my..."

She paused and I filled in, "Seaweed facial?"

She touched her nose and pointed to the camera several times. So cute. "We had a very yummy spa lunch. I had an avocado and chicken salad sandwich with these super crunchy fresh potato chips. And champagne."

"I wondered when the drinking was coming."

"Lunch when the three of us were brought back together. See, I'd had such a lovely morning and they threatened my happy and now relaxed mood. I thought bubbles would keep away the negative juju."

"Juju." I kept repeating these strange words.

"We went into this room with pedicure chairs all wrapped in white fluffy robes. The whole thing repeated itself on my hands and feet. Salt scrub, hand and foot massage, seaweed wrap, and marinade."

"I bet there was more champagne too."

"There was! We had to choose mani-pedi colors. My colors are blush and bashful. I have chosen two shades of pink, one is much deeper than the other.”

The champagne had brought out her accent even more and she fired up the Steel Magnolias’ quote. "Are your toes pink?"

"They are. I'll show you." She pulled her foot up in front of her phone instead of, you know, moving her phone to her foot. I got a brief glimpse of her toes before she fell over and slid onto the floor. "Ow."

"You ok, sweetie?"

She sat up and leaned against the side of the bed, "I am fine. We got dressed and did some shopping. Then called dad to take Katie out so we could continue day drinking by the pool. It turned into evening drinking. Ironically, I will be spending the morning at a shelter with one of my rehab therapists with a champagne hangover."

"You can do a Ted Talk on making positive choices prior to conducting volunteer services."

"You're a funny boy. Funny, funny boy." She did the weirdly cute nose scratching thing again. "I know better than to drink this much champagne. It makes my nose itch. And it's a strange bubbly sort of drunk." She pointed a finger at me, "Let me tell you something, baby boy, my mom and twin juiced up on champagne kept the day smooth. We talked skincare while lying in the sun. The irony of which is not lost on me. Oh god! There it is. When champagne is exposed to sunlight it becomes sewage." She moved very close to the screen, "Your eyes are pretty. The blue changes with your mood and they're so expressive. I want...”

Emma stopped talking and just smiled.

"What do you want, baby?" This was either going to be very sweet or very dirty. I was up for either.

Emma moved back from the screen a little. She laid her head to the side with the slightest smile, "I want to lay in your arms and look in your eyes for hours, just to see what they say."

"I think that can be arranged."

She nodded then yawned, "I'm sleepy. Will you read to me again?"

"Absolutely." I made it through a paragraph before she was asleep.

I flipped my phone over and over in my hand, trying to decide if I should call. That I couldn't decide was the decision.

Celie picked up on the third ring, "Hi Sebastian."

"Hey Celie, I hope it’s not too late."

"Not at all. It's not even nine. What's going on?"

"I just spent twenty minutes reading Winnie the Pooh to my drunk girlfriend who's a thousand miles away with her dysfunctional family. She fell asleep in less than one."

"Why'd you keep reading?"

Even though she couldn't see, I shrugged, "I wanted to." I knew she wouldn't accept that answer. "I didn't want to break the connection."

"Because you felt connected or because you felt insecure?"

"Connected."

"Good for you, Sebastian."

"Yeah." I nodded. It was good. "This morning I was insecure. I had to ask Emma to sign an NDA."

"NDA's aren't new for you."

"It's usually her people and my people working it out and I sign by the sticky arrow. I had to be involved in this one and it was gross. Made it more personal." I huffed out a breath. "Probably should have been before. I know it should. Emma and I had already talked about it and she said she didn't have a problem signing paperwork for something she'd never do anyway. But when it came down to asking her to sign it, I was terrified. What it said about her. What it said about me. What it said about us. I didn't want to hurt her or have her feel like I didn't trust her. I do trust her. All the things I’ve learned, the things I'm doing, we're doing, I was terrified they'd be ruined by this stupid NDA. I told her all that and by the time we hung up I felt more connected and secure. I think facing it and talking about it made me feel closer."

"That's what real intimacy does. You can't have real intimacy without having difficult conversations and talking about emotions. Being vulnerable. Not shutting down. Not using sex to create a hormonal and false intimacy. Risking letting your partner see you. Being emotionally available."

"Yeah." That's what I thought.

"What was Emma's response."

"She told me she wasn't going anywhere and mice can't tell time."

Celie laughed, "Mice can't tell time?"

"Disney is the only studio on the NDA. They sent it half-hour early. I went from scared to furious in a heartbeat. They sent it early because Micky Mouse, mice, can't tell time. Later she sent me roses that came with those mouse ears on a headband."

"I like her."

"Me too. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I like this. All of it. How do I keep this?"

"Keep doing the hard stuff. Having the conversations you want to avoid. You're taking risks and getting the emotional payoff. You build on that. When you hit a bump, and you will, you go back and try again." She paused, "Sebastian, you are doing things differently. When you question, check yourself, because you know what you’ve done in the past. I encourage you to take the risk to do it differently. Use your resources. You are not alone. I am here to help. You have good friends who will tell you the truth. And most importantly, you have Emma."

I laughed, "Wow, you're good."

"You don't always make it easy, but right now you are." She laughed too. "It's nice to see your hard work coming together."

"Thank you."

"You could also Google “How to know if your boyfriend is emotionally unavailable" and do the opposite."

"You know I’m going to fall down a rabbit hole now."

"In your different mindset, you may make some connections you haven’t previously. Have a good night, Sebastian."

"You too, Celie."

I thought I was in for a sleepless night with the internet. I was wrong. I made it through three articles before I shut my laptop down. The first two started with a simplified explanation of why someone is emotionally unavailable. I was already familiar with the long version. Both had lists. Roughly the same lists. Lack of serious relationships, not making an effort, and not wanting to have real conversations has never been me. I want and do them all. Difficult to reach and defensive sounds familiar. Then there were the very familiar ones. Inconsistent affection. It’s about what and when it’s acceptable; not as simple as public and private. Sometimes it wasn’t ok in private either. Misunderstanding and being dismissive. The number of times I've said “that's ridiculous" is embarrassing. Usually, it wasn't. Inability to stay present during conflict or emotionally laden conversations. "That's ridiculous" also puts a stop to those. Wanting control of the relationship. Yep, who can know what. Thinking emotions are weak. Not weak as much as dangerous. Pulling away. Everything else was just another way of pulling away.

Two lists more than covered what I know I'm guilty of. However, the familiar things are things I did and said to myself much more than to anyone else. Except the pulling away. If you tell yourself your feelings are ridiculous, put limits on what’s acceptable, and check out of emotional conversations pulling away is what happens. All those create distance even if it’s you doing it to yourself.

It took a while to find the third one. I was looking for something hopeful. If it wasn't a list of traits it was tips to make him fall for you. Emma has managed to do that quite well without the manipulation on those lists. A few pages into my Google search I found how to tell he's changed. Some were things I'd learned already. The new things with Emma: lets you in on his past; wants to change; your opinion matters; protective; and his words match his actions.

I could do these things, what sticks out, is I'm not constantly running myself down for my feelings and when I give voice to things that lead up to those feelings she doesn’t either. Emma meets me where I am and shows me a way out. A way through.

I am almost there and what I struggle with she helps me. I think that's why we have relationships. We need other people. I'm never going to be perfect and will need support. When I think of my friends, they're not perfect. I'm there for them when they need me. The last couple of days I've been there for Emma. She didn't handle it all on her own. She called me and let me be there. Let me listen and emotionally support her.

I looked at the roses she'd sent me. The ridiculous polka dot mouse ears that match her bikini, except my ears have a red bow her bikini doesn’t. I climbed out of bed, put on a shirt, and took a picture. Me in ears with a wry smile and a caption saying, "Disney lovers." went up on Instagram.

[rocket-remmy]

Taco ‘Bout It|| Morgan and Remmy

Don’t worry, Cece, they labeled the containers. 

It was a good thing Morgan came prepared. Deirdre’s brain offering, however dear it was to her in sentiment, was not preserved enough to keep Morgan’s mind from zeroing out into the vampire zone. But, she had picked up some pigs blood while on her grocery run and sipped it from her water glass as she fried the brains in one skillet and ground beef in another. Her vomit tupperware was also close at hand, but so far she’d only had a little dry heaving. The gray matter popped and sizzled like anxious hatchlings in her pan, too impatient to be somewhere, some thing else. Morgan added sriracha and stirred. She should be more excited about this. She should be brimming up with relief. Remmy was easy and uncomplicated to spend time with. Too earnest, too nice, too good to care about anything as long as it was meant well. But maybe that was just exactly the problem. 

Remmy was excited about today. Seeing Morgan was going to be a relief. She was nice and sweet and she cared about Remmy enough to cook them brains. And with what had happened with both Blanche-- though that was more of Remmy’s fault, and it still pained them to remember-- and Skylar, they could use a good, relaxing day. And trying something new was always fun! Remmy lifted their fist and knocked, pleasantly surprised by how much nice the house Morgan now shared with Cece was than the run down hotel room she’d been staying in. Maybe Morgan would be excited to hear Remmy had moved, too. Even if their reason wasn’t as nice. “Hi!” they said, giving a little wave when Morgan opened the door. “I brought um-- flowers. Sunflowers! And raspberry jam. I sort of….bought a lot recently and need people to give them to. I hope you don’t mind.”

Morgan wiped her blood stained lips and came to the door, summoning up a smile just as Remmy came into view. “Oh, Remmy!” She took up the flowers and jam. “This is so nice! Thank you. You know you didn’t have to do anything special, right?” She shifted the gifts and pulled her friend into a one armed hug. “Just you is good enough to bring. But, I bet these are going to look amazing in the place. Come on in and get cozy. I’m almost done with dinner.” She kicked the door gently shut behind them and went back to the kitchen, taking another big chug from her glass before turning her attention back to the pan.

Remmy leaned gratefully into the hug, realizing they hadn’t hugged anyone except Moose since the incident with Alain. No, since before that. Since they’d found out what they were. Morgan pulled away too soon, but they covered up their disappointment with a quick grin. “Um-- think of it as a housewarming gift, then!” They took their jacket off and hung it by the front door before following Morgan into the kitchen. “Wow, that smells-- really good. Which is saying something, because um-- you know,” they waved a hand at their face, “It’s not um-- weird, or anything, right?” Their eyes fell on the glass, bright red liquid decorated with flowers and frills. Must be tomato juice. Remmy had never understood why people liked drinking tomato juice.

“Oh, yeah? I guess there is something you can sense after all, it was just a matter of finding what speaks to your appetite,” Morgan said. “Oh, don’t come in here yet, I’m still working. Have to concentrate. I’ll come to you when it’s done!” And when she’d figured out what to do with her blood set up. That seemed like an exhausting thing to explain and she didn’t want anything else to worry about tonight. Remmy was here. Remmy was easy. And as soon as she finished dinner, maybe she could be easy too. “Why don’t you tell me about what’s going on with your girlfriend!” She called over her shoulder. 

“Oh, sorry!” Remmy said, immediately backing up and heading over to the living room. They sat at the table there and folded their hands into their lap, gazing around. Cece’s place was pretty nice, and they were sure Morgan must enjoy it here much more. It felt...homey. And safe. Remmy smiled, relaxing a bit more. “What-- we’re-- we’re not-- she’s not!” they stuttered out at the surprise question. “We haven’t even gone on the date yet! I, um-- I postponed it. Cause of uh, well…” they trailed off, “the whole being undead thing.”

Morgan flipped the brain bits over and promptly felt a twist in her stomach from her lad gulp of blood. Shit. She bent over the sink and heaved as quietly as possible into the tupperware. “What? Oh, but you’re still gonna go, right?” She called. “She really likes you, and I uh--sort of gave her the ‘don’t hurt my friend’ spiel.” Shivering, she turned back to the pan and flipped the brain pieces one last time. Charred on one side, damnit. Morgan turned off the heat and started assembling her handiwork. Red plate for Remmy, blue for herself, so no one got confused. She assembled the fixings the best she knew how, heaving a sigh of relief as the cumin floated up her nostrils. One last sip, to make sure she’d make it through dinner okay, and Morgan brought the plates over to the couch, too tired to think about the stain running down the side of her lip. “Here you go! You can say if it’s too burnt. I don’t have any more to cook, but I’ll know better for next time.” She curled up on the other side of the couch from Remmy and took a deep smell of the food. Her stomach wasn’t ready to take anything in yet, but when it did, she was sure it would almost taste like home.

Remmy heard a weird noise under all the crackling of the frying pans, but didn’t think too much of it. “Oh, um-- I-I dunno. I still need to...figure things out, about myself, a-and how I feel. But-- we’re meeting to talk! Because I sort of...blew up on her. But we’re okay now! Um...mostly.” They stopped, listening as Morgan turned off the stove and started plating the tacos. “Um, thanks again for doing this for me. I, um-- everything is still a little strange. And new.” They paused as Morgan finally came out of the kitchen, looking up at her and-- freezing. That wasn’t tomato juice. Tomato juice was usually orange, wasn’t it? Or orangeish. Remmy didn’t know how they knew, but they knew. That wasn’t tomato juice. “Umm...Morgan?” they asked, staring wide eyed at her. “Wha-- what are you drinking?”

“Oh, I didn’t realize,” Morgan said. “How long ago was this? When we talked the other night she didn’t let anything on. But it wasn’t anything long, just like, online.” She breathed the food in again. It seemed alright, but maybe it was time to chug some peptol instead-- “What?” She asked. What do you--oh!” Suddenly her mouth was the only thing Morgan felt aware of. Her plate clattered down on the coffee table as she got up and ran for her blood towel (this fucking town, turning her into someone with a blood towel) and wiping herself off before rinsing her mouth nearly straight from the faucet. Shit. “It’s nothing!” She called. “I’m fine, really. Just a weird...thing, that’s going on. Sorry.”

Remmy couldn’t help but follow Morgan as she raced into the kitchen, both worry and confusion wrought inside of them. “Morgan, what’s going on?” they asked, scuttling into the kitchen. Noticed the glass full of, well-- if not tomato juice, then-- noticed her rinsing her mouth in the sink. Noticed the tupperware in the sink. “Morgan, are you--!” They started. Stopped. None of this made sense. “Why are you drinking blood!? Why are you acting weird about it! What’s going on?” they said, bewildered. Was this just another person not telling them something? Another person hiding something important? Remmy stepped back. “Are you a vampire?? Or a-- like me?”

Morgan didn’t want to be doing this right now. Between Skylar and Deirdre and getting set back a week from her ghost summoning and her students who were too scared to learn anything new and still, still, being half frozen inside, she was not ready to explain to one more person how she’d screwed herself over and sucked other people into her screwy orbit. She didn’t have the energy to be chipper or self-deprecating about it. She wanted one thing to be right and uncomplicated. “I don’t mean to freak you out,” she sighed. “I am sorry, Remmy. Okay? Can we go back to the couch? Keep eating?” She looked at her friend, and saw her own pleading face reflected back in their expression. “It’s a long, stupid story, a story with a stupid magic TICK in it, but am not anyone or anything other than what I’ve said I am. I can absolutely promise you that.” She began to fix herself a fresh glass of water. Held it over her chest, soothing herself with the weight of it as she breathed slowly. “It’s--call it a temporary allergy! I only flared up because I was making you dinner! Okay?”

Remmy felt a little pang. Another pang. They wanted it to be a nice night, too. That’s what it was supposed to be, just a nice night. “I--” they started, then stopped. They what? Wanted to help? Wanted to know what was going on? They’re help only got people hurt or upset. They stopped talking. “I’m not freaked out. I was just worried, I guess.” They looked from morgan to the table, then back again. “Magical tick? I-- you know, never mind. If you don’t wanna tell me, fine,” they said, slinking back over to the table. “I get it. Okay? You’re going through some shit, I get it.” The tacos looked yummy, but suddenly, they weren’t hungry. They flopped into the chair. “Temporary allergy or whatever, are you okay?” 

Morgan put her face in her hands. She wanted to scream. Remmy didn’t even believe her, and, fuck, why should they? Magic tick? Out of nowhere? Seriously? She shuffled after them, her stomach heavy and ruined with a whole new feeling, and flopped down on the couch. “I screwed up, Remmy, okay?” She said quietly. “That’s basically all there is to it. I tried to do something to fix...myself, and the magic ticks from online were alive instead of dead, and somehow this has managed to backfired on me AND other people.” She looked at Remmy sidelong. They weren’t eating. Was she already messing up with them too?

Remmy tilted their head, blinked in surprise. “Fix yourself?” They moved slightly. “What...what do you mean fix yourself? Is something wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt or sick? Or wait-- do you mean the cold thing? Cause people are working on that! They are! I-I swear. I know it’s hard, being cold all the time, but it’s gonna be okay! But you gotta tell me about these magic ticks. That’s a new one. What did you need ticks for? Why would they make you drink blood or stuff? I’m sorry. I just wanted to help.” 

Morgan pressed her hand to her face again. She was explaining this so badly, and Remmy was somehow over the part where they were left out of this news and offering to help. How did she tell them she was beyond their brand of help? That she was in ‘try to summon ghosts in front of a practical teenager’ territory? Were they next? She couldn’t think of what she could do to screw up their life too, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible. Morgan drew her knees up to her chest and shook her head. “It’s not that. That is the least of my problems, honestly. Can you just tell me about you? Tell me all the stuff I missed while I was--” being insensitive. “Being kind of a jerk when you were figuring this zombie thing out?”

“What? No!” Remmy protested. “Morgan, we have to talk about you! You’re going through something big and I-- you didn’t tell me, but I’m here now and you can tell me now! Please tell me now? I just want to help.” Why wouldn’t anyone let Remmy help? Why was everything they’d found slipping through their fingers already? “Why didn’t you tell me before? I coulda helped.” They didn’t want to think about what they were going through. They’d done enough thinking about that. They’d already decided to put it away. It was in a neat little box in their head and they didn’t want to unwrap it and everything that came with it. “Please just tell me.”

“Tell you what!” Morgan snapped. “That I am a walking time bomb of a curse? That I sliced some kid’s arm open in this room because the magic tick I wanted for a spell made me lose my shit at the sight of my own blood? Or that you helping is only going to make your life worse?” She trembled as the last words came out. It had all just sort of...happened. She hadn’t let herself stop for very long to process anything and now it was just coming out all over Remmy, on their dinner that was supposed to smooth things over! Why was she like this? “I’m sorry,” she whispered quickly. “I didn’t mean, I mean, it’s all true, but not like how I said it. Um…” Shit. 

Remmy flinched back when Morgan started yelling. Curse? Cutting someone? Spells gone wrong? They paused, waited for Morgan to peter out. “What curse are you talking about?” they asked quietly after a moment. “What do you mean...I don’t understand.” They’d come back to the cutting and the blood ticks and the weird spell that needed said blood ticks. For now, they could concentrate on one thing. “How is...how is helping going to make it worse?"

“Because I am trouble, Remmy. I am literal walking, magic trouble!” Morgan said. “And maybe it won’t happen for a few more months, but you will get sucked into it if you do not start to get away from me!” Morgan’s body was hot all over with fear. Remmy was too good for their own good, too sad and new and good to be strung along, especially while not knowing what they were in for. God, how had she not owned up to what they were in for until just now? 

“What?” Remmy said, bewildered. “I-- I don’t…” the blinked, confused. “I’m not going to leave you, Morgan. I can’t-- I can’t lose anymore friends. So who cares if you’re trouble! O-or in trouble. I’ll help you! I can help you!” They said, leaning a bit forward, not wanting to spook Morgan, but wishing they could go over and hug her or let her know it’s okay somehow. “I’m not leaving. I’m not...going to get away from you. Whatever this curse is, isn’t that what friends do? Stick around even for the bad?”

“Not when the bad wants to eat you for more trauma fodder,” Morgan said. “When my magic bullshit wants to destroy whatever is too close to me, and you are so fucking nice it’s almost terrifying--no. That is the actual recipe for no. And why would you want that in the first place, Remmy? No one wants that! Nothing is worth that! What if you died--or--I don’t know, what if Moose died! Or---” She flailed desperately into space. Remmy didn’t have a lot to lose either. What had she been thinking? Morgan deflated down into the couch cushions.

“You’re worth it, Morgan!” Remmy nearly shouted. They stood up and made their way over to her now, still uncertain how to proceed, but knowing that they needed to just get it. They’d already lost Blanche and now probably Skylar-- it was happening all over again. They couldn’t do it. They couldn’t lose Morgan, too. “You’re worth it,” they said, sinking to the floor in front of her, in hopes that she would look at them and see the earnest-- the desperation-- in their eyes.

Morgan was tired. She knew the right thing was to lighten her White Crest baggage as much as possible, to stay focused and lay low and make this end before fall or winter had the next chance to crawl near her, but she was so tired, and Remmy was hurt enough already. She shut her eyes and forced her breaths to turn even, in for five, hold for three, out for five. Five, three, five. She kept count with her fingers on her shoulder. She should probably tell Remmy she made her crystals out of beach junk. That she’d given the waitress at Al’s a concussion. That she didn’t know how to thread the needle between being cautious and tearing apart the ether to break out of her mess. “Okay,” she mouthed. “Okay, Remmy.” she beckoned them to come back up. 

Remmy waited patiently for Morgan, tacos long forgotten. They noticed the fingers tapping on her shoulder-- a similar technique to what one of the doctor’s had taught Remmy for when they started having panic attacks. When she finally relented, Remmy crawled onto the couch and wrapped their arms around her. “I’m sorry,” they muttered, “whatever’s going on...I’m sorry. But I’m not gonna leave because of some stupid curse.” They let out a long breath. They weren’t going to lose someone else, not tonight. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

For a moment Morgan tensed in Remmy’s arms, continued tapping, breathing. She didn’t have anyone to do this for her. She kept herself alone, or excused herself to go hide, but even if she didn’t know what to do with the cold weight around her back, she couldn’t deny how it eased the pain in her shoulders or how it gave her something sturdy to brace herself on. As Morgan continued to breathe, she could see the whole trail of losses that she carried behind her, so many invisible holes pulling on her. She could see a whole blank space of god only knew what ahead, opaque as the black under her eyes. She remembered what Deirdre had said: You can rest, can’t you? Just for a moment. Was this the moment? She felt something rise up in her, something begging to breathe, and opened her eyes long enough for one tear to roll out, and to shift herself so she was gripping Remmy’s arm instead. “I’m sorry I freaked out,” she said.

“What? No,” Remmy shook their head, giving a tiny sigh of relief when Morgan gripped their arm. “Don’t apologize. It-- it’s fine. Really.” They laid their head against hers when they felt her relax a little more. “It’s...it’s okay to cry. We can just sit here. We don’t have to talk.” Quiet another moment, before-- “Whenever I would get um...really sad, I would sit on my bed and tell myself stories about...happier times. It didn’t always work, but...I can do that for you, if you want.”

“I’m not crying,” Morgan scoffed, blinking back the tears at the edge of her lids. But she stayed close to Remmy and held on tight until her chest could keep a steady pace on its own. “I don’t know if I can handle hearing about happy times,” she admitted. “Can you reach the TV remote without letting go? I um...I normally watch something dramatic and trashy, when I’m...tired and on edge like this. Do you like TV, Remmy?” 

Remmy couldn’t help but feel a little saddened for Morgan. “I didn’t say you were...I said you could, but…” they glanced away, giving her a moment to gather herself, “okay. We can watch something.” Remmy leaned forward and grabbed the TV remote, leaning back, “whatever you want. I don’t know much TV so it’s your pick.” Held the remote out to her. And maybe it wasn’t the best resolution to the night, but it was a start. And Remmy still had a friend. That had to count for something.

[druckenglish]

Season 4 Episode 2: “Palpitations”

Amira’s mum: Hey, what are you planning to do with that?

Amira: What do you think, mum? I have to test it before I leave

Amira’s mum: What, you want to go camping?

Amira: Yes

Amira’s mum: Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Mum said I was crazy to let you go to Australia on your own

Amira: Yes and she watches way too much TV

Amira’s mum: Yes, but she’s right. (in Arabic): That man in Christchurch (in German): He was Australian, wasn’t he?

Amira: Yes, but that doesn’t mean they’re all racist

Amira’s mum: But that’s only a tent. It doesn’t have a door. (in Arabic): What will you do when someone comes during the night?

Amira: My good, mum, I really don’t want to talk about this nonsense now

Amira’s mum: And there’s wild animals

Amira (in Arabic): Don’t be scared

Amira’s mum: You always said you were going to stay at a hotel

Amira (in Arabic): Don’t be scared. (in German): Hold on

Text from Sam: Hey Queen, do you happen to have Mohammed’s number? That would be awesome. Or what’s his name on Insta?

Amira’s mum: Here, look, take that with you. See, it works like that

Amira: Mum, careful, that’s dangerous

Amira’s mum: You take that with you, for your own safety. Your friends get married and you go to Australia. What did I do wrong? (in Arabic): My lord, may you protect her. (in German): I just want you to return safely

Amira: And I don’t want to plan everything. And, how do I look?

Amira’s mum: I’ll go and cook now

Essam: Slave

Amira: What?

Essam: Come here!

Amira: Yes, and?

Essam: Or I’ll tell baba and mum that (couldn’t understand what he said there) See, there we go

Amira: What bs are you talking about?

Essam: (I swear, his mumbling is almost worse than Matteo’s, I really have trouble understanding what he’s talking about, something about ice and Amira not fulfilling her duties)

Amira: You really have a problem, Fruchtzwerg (name of a yoghurt for kids, Frucht means fruit and Zwerg means dwarf)

Essam: My only problem is that I don’t have cold ice tea in my hand

Amira: And? That’s not my problem. The bet is already over.

Essam: The bet is on until Monday 8pm. I’m not making the rules

Mohammed (in Arabic): That’s unfair

Essam: And besides, do you really want to get ten clouts every day for the rest of your life? I don’t think so

Amira: Fine, you’ll get your stupid tea. But that’s the last time

Essam: With extra sugar. And a splash of lemon

Mohammed: Do you need help?

Amira: No thanks

Mohammed: They’re melting. Ah, the ice cold look again. That’s a good tactic, then it’ll turn into ice tea. Didn’t Essam have a special wish? Well, the splash is relative

Amira: There you go

Essam: You’re a really good slave

Omar (in Arabic): Thanks sister

Amira (in Arabic): You’re welcome

Essam: Looks good. What did you put in there?

Omar: Nice sis

Text from Jonas: I’m organizing that soliparty on Friday, could you help me with it? That would be really cool!

Text to Jonas: Sure, I’d love to

Text from Sam: Hey sweetie, I found Mohammed’s instagram. What does that text mean?

Text to Sam: It says that family is everything to him and that he’s grateful for it

Biker: Take off your headscarf, then you might be able to see something

Amira: Excuse me?

Biker: Next time I won’t stop

Amira: Idiot

Text to Sam: Watch out, he’s an Arab, they fuck you over

Trainer: Remember the 90 degrees, keep your elbows close to your body. Just like that. Last ten seconds, give me everything you’ve got

Sam: Amira! Break, finally!

Amira (in Arabic): Uhm mum, could you bring us some of the…

Amira’s mum (in Arabic): I’m coming, I’m coming, look

Amira: Thanks

Amira’s mum: Of course, darling. I’m so happy to see you at our place again. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about, don’t you? I’ll leave you alone. Don’t forget to eat

Amira: Thanks, mum

Nadia: Thanks

Amira: Yeah, nice to see you

Nadia: Yeah

Amira: I never thought you’d be the first of us

Nadia: Me neither

Amira: So you and Achmed. Wow, how come?

Nadia: Well, I met him again at the mosque a year ago. He’s become really nice. Not a poser like all the others. He’s gonna be a great dad one day

Amira: Doesn’t sound like you at all

Nadia: And for our honeymoon we’re going to Dubai

Amira: Dubai? Didn’t you always say you hate Dubai?

Kiki: Oh, you have a visitor, I didn’t know. Your mum told me to just come in

Amira: Kiki, hey

Kiki: Hello

Nadia: Hi

Kiki: I just wanted to give you that as a little thank you because of the flat

Amira: Thanks darling

Kiki: I still have to do something with Carlos, so don’t be bothered by me

Nadia: No, sit down

Amira: Sure, sit down

Kiki: That looks super yummy! Is all of that vegan?

Amira: Yes, help yourself

Nadia: Amira told me a lot about you back then

Kiki: Oh god, yeah, I believe that. Remember the bitching when I had that crush on Alex? Anyway, that was a long time ago. But meanwhile I’ve learned that Amira speaks with Arabic wisdom and you better not mess with that. How do you know each other?

Amira: Nadia and I know each other from the youth group at the mosque

Kiki: You’re the friend that’s getting married now, aren’t you? Amira told us about that. Oh my god, congratulations, I love weddings, especially your kind, I mean the dresses alone are such a dream and is that really like in Bollywood where everybody’s dancing and it’s super colourful? So nice. In weddings everything’s always good, isn’t it?

Nadia: Yes, totally

Kiki: Where did you meet your boyfriend? Or was that…

Nadia: Arranged? Why do Almans (stereotypical German) always think that? We met very normal through friends and talked and liked each other

Kiki: And then, did you kiss?

Nadia: No, we don’t just kiss, we went out for over a year and then I knew that he’s the man of my life

Kiki: So nice, Amira, can you get married soon as well?

Amira: Kiki

Kiki: Please: I also want to go to an Arabic wedding!

Amira: No, I really don’t have any mind for that right now. First, it’s Australia

Nadia: Australia?

Kiki: Yes, Amira’s going to Australia for a year. Super cool

Nadia: Really?

Amira: Yes. Does anybody want more tea?

Kiki: Yes, I’ll take some

Amira: Sure

Amira: Hey

Mohammed: Hey

Amira: What are you doing here?

Mohammed: I’m helping setting everything up

Amira: Sam is already inside?

Mohammed: Yes. But I’m not here because of Sam

Amira: Okay

Hanna: David’s design is super cool

Matteo: Yes, I think so, too. He’s an interesting guy after all. In contrast to ... Steffen?

Amira: Na, are you gossiping?

Hanna: Nope

Matteo: No

Amira: What am I supposed to do?

Matteo: You can help Sam in the kitchen, she needs help

Amira: Hey Sam

Sam: Hey. Do you know anything about potato salad?

Amira: No idea, potatoes and salad?

Sam: And then? 

Amira: I don’t know, maybe add mayonnaise?

Sam: I only have hollandaise sauce. That always works said Abdi

Amira: Well then...we’ll poison everybody

Sam: Jonas didn’t want it any other way

Amira: Mohammed is here

Sam: I know, I told him about it and he wanted to help. I think he has the coolest instagram I’ve seen in a while

Amira: Okay

Sam: He’s so hot I can’t

Amira: But you have Abdi

Sam: Of course I have Abdi, but he doesn’t have instagram

Amira: So? 

Sam: That thing with Abdi and me is open. Staying flexible is way cooler. Everything okay?

Amira: Yes, everything’s fine

Sam: What’s the matter with you? You’ve been so weird lately

Amira: I’m fine

Sam: I think it’s starting

Amira: I’m gonna go pray very quickly. See you in a bit

Sam: Okay

Jonas: But before that I’ve organized a musical act, from Lebanon, big applause please, get on the stage

Singer: Welcome everybody, how are you? We are feedback and we’re from Berlin

Mohammed (outside): Two or three more minutes

Girl: That’s too long, we need more bottles. Can I go inside now?

Mohammed: Yes

Amira: Hey

Mohammed: I hope we didn’t bother you

Amira: Did you really stand watch in front of the door? Cool, thanks!

Mohammed: With pleasure

Amira: You wanna have a drink?

Mohammed: Yes. I think it’s really cool that your friends do something like this, for the refugees I mean, it’s important that we do something

Amira: Jonas will be chancellor one day, that’s what our yearbook said

Mohammed: No, you will be chancellor

Amira: The girls always say that as well, but I don’t think anybody wants that

Mohammed: Yes. We need someone like you who fights for us. You’re good here, even if you don’t believe that

Mohammed: Your plan didn’t work. With Sam. Give me your phone

Amira: What, why?

Mohammed: I want to look something up

Amira: No

Mohammed: Don’t you trust me?

Amira: No

Mohammed: Come on, I just want to look something up

Amira: What are you doing?

Mohammed: Nothing

Amira: Hey, no, no

Mohammed: Hold on. What did you do there?

Amira: Nothing

Mohammed: Let me see. Hold on

Amira: Cute

Mohammed: I always have that with me for the kids. I’m doing an internship at a preschool

Amira: I love that song

Mohammed: Me too

Amira: Wanna go inside?

Mohammed: Yes

[staytheb]

Formal

Pairing: SKZ’s Chan x OC [Jyongri] || SKZ’s Hyunjin x OC [Nayoung] Genre: school!au, slice of life, slight fluff Word Count: 3,649 Summary: Chan and Hyunjin find out that their crushes like them back, but Jyongri and Nayoung don’t plan on confirming this and run away instead.

Warning: none... i think. maybe swear words. i honestly forgot. lol

yeah, bang chan pops up a lot. lol other than that, my sister does have a top 3, but still leaves me wondering who i should write her with. lol as for the title it’s another double meaning. Formal as in Winter Formal which is like a dance and then the other Formal of being recognized and validated. lol i hope that makes sense, but anyways, happy reading and kthxbai, Admin Lia~

revised. 9.10.20

"Just confess already." Jyongri told Nayoung as the duo were outside the dance room.

"I'll confess if you confess, too." Nayoung countered.

The two best friends were hanging out after school and stopped by the dance room to see the people inside dancing. More in particular it was so that Nayoung could watch her crush from a distance while he danced with his seven friends.

"You're the one that's way more obvious than me." Jyongri remarked. "Besides I think Chan's dating Sana so there's no point in confessing to him."

"They're not together."

"How do you know?"

"Jisung." Nayoung smirked.

"I don't trust anything that comes out of that squirrel's mouth."

"Don't be mean. He doesn't look that much like a squirrel."

"Have you seen his mouth full of food?"

"No."

"Just wait until you do."

"Whatever. Anyways, if you confess to Chan, then I'll confess to Hyunjin."

"I already told you I won't confess because he's already dating someone else."

"I just told you that Jisung said that they weren't."

"And I ain't gonna trust shit from that damn idiot."

In the midst of their bantering the best friends didn't notice the door opening revealing two people.

"Oh, hey. Are you guys here to see me?" Minho asked with a smirk.

"No." The girls chorused as Changbin laughed. "They're probably here for you know who, Minho."

"No we're not." They chimed once again at the same time.

"Oh really?" Minho mused before smirking wider. "We're taking a break and so have time to hangout."

"No thanks." Nayoung answered as Jyongri agreed. "Yeah. We're good."

"Oh, yeah?" Minho confirmed with a mischievous expression. "So you won't do anything if I tell them that you like them?"

"No." The girls deadpanned with a neutral expression not believing the male.

"Okay! Changbin, help me!"

Changbin took a hold of Jyongri while Minho took a hold of Nayoung and the boys pulled the girls inside the dance room with them.

"Hey, Hyunjin! Nayoung likes you!" Minho exclaimed mischievously as Changbin did the same thing. "And Chan, Jyongri likes you!"

"Minho's just joking! Don't listen to him!" Nayoung denied as she pulled her arm from his grip.

"Yeah, Changbin's doesn't know what he's talking about either." Jyongri added with a laugh while pushing Changbin away from her. "Uh, bye!"

Jyongri ran out of the room leaving Nayoung behind.

"This girl." Nayoung muttered before feeling Minho's elbowing her side. "What?"

"Hyunjin's coming this way."

"I hate you."

Nayoung shoved Minho away, too, as she high-tail out of the room just like Jyongri.

"Aww, this time I thought you two would actually get their confession." Jisung said with a pout. "I had such high hopes."

"Hmm, I mean, the girls don't have to confess. These two could just do it, too." Jeongin suggested while looking at his friends. "Right?"

"They could, but it depends if these two have the courage to do so." Seungmin said while pointing at Chan and Hyunjin with a smile.

"Was this like some big secret that you're all telling us this stuff now?" Chan asked while looking at his friends. "Because I hope it's not a joke."

"It's not a joke, Chan." Jisung replied. "Those two have a crush on you guys since forever, but they're in denial and just play it off as y'all being cute even as friends."

"Yeah, I have to agree." Changbin confirmed with a nod. "It's kinda weird."

"Well, it's not like we'll be able to find them now since they ran off." Hyunjin reasoned with a shrug. "There's no point in chasing them if they ran off in the first place."

"Jyongri's usually spends a lot of time in the library even during her free time. She probably hiding over there since I think she thinks that Chan isn't the reading type because of his athleticism." Seungmin informed the group with a laugh. "It's kinda stereotypical, but she mentioned it this one time when she had to do a project with this girl, but the girl kept making excuses about basketball practices."

"I go to the library, some times." Chan pouted, but no one agreed or disagree with him as they just laughed instead.

"And Nayoung's probably at 3RACHA since she helps run the store with Ms. Ahn." Felix added. "I know she's always there during lunch time since she's the main person that runs 3RACHA when Ms. Ahn isn't there."

"Good. Maybe you guys can ask them out for Winter Formal." Minho smiled. "Now go before I ask them instead to make the both of y'all jealous."

"Actually, I have a plan or two that can make it a little more fun." Jisung smiled wide as his eyes sparkled.

~~~~~~~~

Jyongri did go to the library. She was on the second floor finishing her homework before going home. Jyongri would have done it at home, but she was always interrupted by her niece ever since her older brother and sister-in-law separated since the summer and her brother had custody of the child. She was in the midst of a math problem when she heard the two chairs besides her scraped against the floor and she looked up to see two of her friends, Yugyeom and BamBam.

"Um, what are you guys doing here?" Jyongri asked them with a suspicious look.

"Can't we come to the library and read, Riri?" BamBam asked with a hurt face as Jyongri rolled her eyes before answering. "Y'all don't even read and I'm surprised you even found me up here."

"Well, it's not hard to miss that blonde and pink hair of yours." Yugyeom reasoned with a laugh before pouting. "And we know how to navigate the school. The library is just as important."

"Mmhmm." Jyongri closed her books while putting them away and speaking at the same time. "So, what do you guys want from me?"

"We need you to settle a bet between the two of us." The males chorused as she cast them a suspicious look. "Why me?"

"Because you're unbiased and the only one that's free." Yugyeom reasoned.

"No, I'm not. I was finishing homework."

"You can do that at home. That's why it's homework." BamBam stated.

"Doesn't matter." Jyongri dismissed them. "What kind of bet is it?"

"You have to judge us on our basketball skills at the gym." BamBam informed her and Jyongri scoffed. "Y'all don't even play basketball. Heck, y'all don't even play any type of sports. So why would you guys make a bet about that?"

"If I win, BamBam has to buy me all of the Chris Brown's album." Yugyeom said as BamBam added his. "And if I win, then Yugyeom has to buy me two pet cats."

"Y'all are stupid with your bets."

"If you come, then we'll buy you any bubble tea drink you want for the rest of the school year." Both males suggested as Jyongri contemplated the idea.

~~~~~~~~

"Thanks for being such a dear, Nayoung." Ms. Ahn thanked her student as Nayoung was putting away the last bits of the supplies in their respective places.

"No worries, Ms. Ahn. I love to help out 3RACHA." Nayoung said with a smile. "It'll definitely help me out when I go to college and major in business."

"Lovely. I'll make sure to put in a good word so just let me know."

"Will do! Is there anything else you would like me to do before I go?"

"Just organize everything and make sure everything's ready for tomorrow. I'll be back after a market run. I forgot to pick up some more muffins and cup noodles. Don't worry about locking up. I'll make sure to do that as I leave in a bit." Ms. Ahn informed Nayoung as Nayoung gave her the OK sign.

While Nayoung's back was to the door she didn't notice that another student, Chanyoung, had slipped into the classroom just as Ms. Ahn was leaving it at the same time. She greeted the male student before leaving and Chanyoung quietly creeped up behind Nayoung.

"Boo!" Chanyoung scared Nayoung as she jerked forward before turning around to smack whoever had spook her.

"Ahh, Chanyoung! You're so annoying." Nayoung commented as the male just laughed at her reaction.

Nayoung smacked him until he finally backed away from her and quieted down his laughter.

"Why are you here, Chanyoung?" Nayoung asked him as she went back to finish what she was doing.

Chanyoung stood to the side of her so that he could still be in her line of sight before asking her a question. "Did you forget what today was?"

"It's a Wednesday."

"Yes, but you were supposed to watch me practice my dance routine."

"When did I say that?"

"Last week."

"I don't remember."

"I messaged you about it and you said you would come."

"Probably missed it."

"Wow. What a great friend you are."

"I know right. Besides, don't you have your other friends to watch you? Like Jeongseung or Dylan?"

"Nah. They have their own thing to do today."

"Why do I need to watch you today, anyways? Can't I like do it tomorrow?"

"No. Because I'll be performing it in dance class and so there's no use for you to watch me tomorrow."

"Oh, I see."

"So, will you or not?" Chanyoung asked once again before a knowing smile graced his lips. "Or do I gotta convince you with food?"

~~~~~~~~

Jyongri agreed to help Yugyeom and BamBam as a boba a day was worth it. It wasn't until she got shoved into the gym and locked in by her two friends as she thought she was supposed to help them with their bet. She tried to push the door open, but it wouldn't budge. She knew they were holding it in place so that she couldn't get out.

"I knew it was a set-up. Why did I second guess my gut feeling? Ugh, this is what happens when you're easily bribed by yummy goodness." Jyongri grumbled as she turned away from the door and scanned the empty gym except for several basketballs scattered about the court.

Jyongri tried again to open the doors, but no use and so headed towards the balls instead knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to leave although she wondered why there was only two doors to exit the gym and not several more like she's seen in other places. Jyongri dumped her backpack by one of the bleachers and went to observed the balls since they should have been cleaned up and put on the rack instead of laying about. Might as well shoot some hoops while she was stuck in the gym until they decided to let her leave. When she picked up one she noticed that there was some markings on it and realized that someone had written on it.

"A question mark?" Jyongri said with furrowed eyebrows before glancing at another ball and walked towards it, picked it up, and read the word on it. "To."

"I swear, if this is another trick, BamBam and Yugyeom are gonna wish they didn't send me here." Jyongri mumbled although she was low-key curious as to what the sentence would be once she figured it out.

Soon enough she began to gathered the other six balls, read each word on them, and then started rearranging them to make a question that would make sense. When she was done within several minutes did she take a few steps back to admire her work and read out the words on the basketballs out loud.

"Will you go to formal with me?"

"Yes or no?"

Jyongri heard a male voice suddenly asked from behind her. When Jyongri turned around she came face to face with Chan who was holding a basketball in each hand with 'yes' written on one and the other written with 'no'.

"Ahh, so this is the real reason." Jyongri said with an awkward laugh before looking up to hide any embarrassment that might have surfaced upon her face while muttering the last bits to herself. "Those two will suffer for setting me up though."

"Um, yeah." Chan confirmed with a sheepish laugh before apologizing. "Sorry about BamBam and Yugyeom. I asked them to help me with this since Jisung was the one that came up with this idea."

"Of course, Jisung would be involved, too." She said with a shake of her head before she muttered the last bit more to herself. "That nosy and busy-body squirrel."

"So will that be a yes or no?" Chan asked while feeling a bit unsteady as Jyongri hadn't given him an answer yet.

"Do you have one that says maybe on it?" Jyongri asked hopefully although she wasn't sure why she was running away from this since it seemed her crush liked her back, too.

"Sorry, no. I do not." Chan laughed before letting out a sad and heavy sigh. "You can just say no, Jyongri. You don't have to go with me to formal just because I asked you by kinda trapping you in the gym to do so."

"No, Chan, it's not that. I do want to go to formal with you, but it's weird how this just came to be." Jyongri admitted with a shy look. "That's all."

"Oh, so that's a yes?" Chan held up his right hand that had the ball with 'yes' written on it.

Jyongri was about to deny it, but realized that she had just admitted her feelings to her crush just a few seconds ago. It finally clicked that he wanted to go to formal with her even though the way he asked her was somewhat of a set-up. Anyways, Jyongri nodded in confirmation as Chan let out a quiet yes while tossing the ball in his left hand behind him. He dribbled the ball in his right hand while coolly walking closer to Jyongri and when he reached her he coolly shot the ball towards the hoop, but it hit the rim and bounced out of bounds instead.

"Smooth, Chan, very smooth." Jyongri teased as Chan faced her like nothing had happened with the ball. "I hope that even though you didn't make the shot, you're still gonna take me to formal, right?"

"Why thank you, Jyongri, and yes I still wanna take you to formal." He thanked her with a wide grin before it turned into a sheepish look a second later. "Now that we're still gonna go to formal together I have to confess something."

"What's that?"

"I like you." Chan confessed with an adorable expression on his face.

"So Nayoung was right that you weren't dating Sana."

"No, we're not dating. We're just friends."

"Alright, embarrassing, but whatever." Jyongri rolled her eyes at her own dumb self before giving Chan a shy look. "Since you already said it, I like you, too, Chan."

Chan let out a relieved breath while making a fist in a victory like pose.

"Okay, good. Because it would haven totally been awkward if you said no and if you didn't like me back. I really thought the boys were messing with me."

"Well, now you know the truth. I'll see you tomorrow because I'm gonna go home."

"How about I walk with you home?"

"You live on this side of town so there's no point in you double tracking."

"What if I don't mind double tracking?"

"What if I just don't want you to walk me home?"

"Then, I'll be sad, but respect your decisions."

"You're sweet."

"Uh, thanks?"

Chan said in a questioningly like tone as Jyongri let out a chuckle before remembering the basketballs.

"Um, you won't get in trouble for destroying school property, right?"

She indicated at the balls as Chan looked at them, too.

"Um, maybe a little, but if I just put them away, no one may know who's the real culprit."

"Ohh, I like that idea. Let's hurry and put them away and then you can take me home."

Jyongri suggested while she turned around to began picking up the ball as Chan followed suit.

"I thought you didn't want me to walk you home?"

"I lied, but don't ponder on that too much, just help me put away the balls so that you won't get in trouble and we can't go to formal together."

"Gotcha." Chan obeyed with a laugh as helped Jyongri put away the basketballs.

~~~~~~~~

"Just wait for me here. I forgot something and need it for my performance." Chanyoung informed Nayoung as he opened the door for her to enter. "I'll be back soon."

"Okay." Nayoung replied while entering the dance room.

Not really looking around the room or the person within it, Nayoung sat herself down against the wall and pulled out her phone as she waited for Chanyoung's return. Hyunjin frowned upon being ignored unintentionally by Nayoung as she hadn't noticed him upon entering the room. Although he was standing in the center of the room while carrying a stuffed animal in each hand despite feeling a bit ridiculous as time ticked by.

"What's taking Chanyoung so long to come back?" Nayoung muttered in annoyance as she turned her head to look at the door. "He better not be playing with me."

When Nayoung's eyes actually scanned the room to pass the time she finally noticed the other person in the room. Even though Hyunjin was her crush Nayoung wasn't  gonna let him get away with mad-dogging her. From her position she spoke out to him instead of standing up and going over to him.

"Why are you mean-mugging me?"

"I'm not." Hyunjin responded while trying to fix his expression, but it wasn't working.

"Yeah you are. You're basically glaring at me and I don't know why. What did I ever do to you?"

"Nothing, Nayoung. You didn't do anything." Hyunjin answered with an apologetic expression, before shooting her a look. "And I was not glaring at you."

"Okay, Hyunjin. Whatever you say." Nayoung dismissed the topic and switching to another. "Why are you just standing there and holding stuffed animals?"

"Well, Nayoung, I was gonna ask you to formal, but it seems like you're not interested." Hyunjin said with a heavy sigh as he dropped his hands to his side with the plushies still held tightly in his grip.

"What makes you think I'm not interested?"

"You didn't acknowledged me when you came inside."

"So, basically, you're salty that I didn't notice you and that's why you were mad-dogging me earlier?"

"Yes, I mean no." Hyunjin admitted before correcting himself to seem like it didn't bother him.

Nayoung chuckled at his behavior before realizing something.

"Chanyoung doesn't have a dance thing does he?"

"No." Hyunjin answered with a slight smile.

"Which means he's not coming back, right?"

"Yes."

"Seriously, y'all play too much."

Nayoung stood up while adjusting her backpack onto her back. Hyunjin slightly panicked believing that Nayoung was just gonna leave without giving him an answer and he rushed towards her.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"Nowhere. I'm just stretching my legs."

Nayoung gave him a weird look while giving him a once over.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just thought you were gonna ignore me again without giving me an answer about formal."

"You never asked me about formal, Hyunjin."

"I thought I did."

"No. You were too busy being salty." Nayoung teased as Hyunjin rolled his eyes before asking her the question. "Will you go to formal with me?"

"Well, that depends. Will I get to keep both of them?" Nayoung asked while pointing at the grey and blue koala plush dolls in his hold.

"If you say, yes, then you can have both." Hyunjin answered with a smile while holding them up and out towards Nayoung.

Upon closer inspection Nayoung tilted her head as they looked quite familiar despite the words 'yes' and 'no' being written on their tummies.

"These look like the ones I've been missing for a few weeks except for the words written on them."

Hyunjin shrugged. "I dunno. Jisung gave them to me earlier."

"That little brat. He was the one that stole them in the first place even when I asked him about it. Wow. He even wrote on them, too! What a brat."

"Well, here you go." Hyunjin smiled returning the stuffed animals to their rightful owner.

"I haven't said yes yet."

"Oh, then should I take them back?"

Hyunjin teased as he took back the plushies and raised them above his head.

"Hey, no fair!" Nayoung exclaimed with a pout as she tried to reach for her toys, but Hyunjin had really long arms despite her own tall height as well.

Hyunjin glanced down at her with a playful look. "Say yes and I'll give it back to you."

"Are you trying to bribe me in going to formal with you?"

"Technically, yes, but I now know that you want to go with me so I'm also trying to get you to confess that you like me, too."

Nayoung stopped trying to reach for her dolls and gave Hyunjin a neutral look.

"Okay, Hyunjin, so I do like you. So what?"

"I like you, too, Nayoung."

"Oh, I see."

She suddenly became shy as Hyunjin laughed, brought down her koala bears, and returned them to her.

"Thanks." Nayoung thanked him before staring at their stomachs. "I wonder how long it'll take to wash out the marker."

"We can find out right now. Mr. Seo should still be in the art room."

"Is this you trying to help me or an excuse to spend more time together?"

"Um, both?"

"That's cute." Nayoung chuckled before handing him the grey koala with the word 'no' on it. "You're responsible for him."

She held up the blue koala with 'yes' on it. "I'll take care of him."

Hyunjin smiled finally getting the answer he wanted.

[yourlocalmoon-blog]

Dear Benita,

Hello, everybody. Thanks for coming. I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I'd like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you're about to see it actually happened. Just take it from me. But there's more to this story than what's on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage. We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let's see. Buzz. Buzz. In Thneedville, it's a brand new dawn With brand new cars and houses and lawns Here in Got-all-that-we-need-ville In Thneedville, we manufacture our trees Each one is made in factories And uses 96 batteries In Thneedville, the air's not so clean So we buy it fresh It comes out this machine! In Satisfaction's- guaranteed-ville In Thneedville, we don't want to know Where the smog and trash and chemicals go I just went swimming, and now I glow In Thneedville, we have fun year round We surf and snowboard right in town We thank the Lord for all we've got Including this brand new parking lot! Parking lot! Oh, look, it's Aloysius O'Hare Aloysius O'Hare The man who found a way to sell air And became a zillionaire Hip-hip-hooray! In Thneedville, we love living this way It's like living in paradise It's perfect! And that's how it will stay Oh, yeah! Here in Love-the-life-we-lead-ville Destined-to-succeed-ville We-are-all-agreed-ville We love it here in... Thneedville! Yes! Oh, hi, Ted. Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi. Did your ball land in my backyard again? What? No. A model airplane, this time. Hey, do you want to see something cool? Come on. Whoa! Did you... Did you paint this? Do you like it? What? Are you kidding? This is amazing! What are those? Those are trees. Real ones. They used to grow all around here. And people said that the touch of their tufts was softer than anything, even silk. And they smelled like butterfly milk! Wow! What does that even mean? I know, right? Oh, yeah. What I want more than anything in the whole world is to see a real living tree growing in my backyard. So if, say... I'm just thinking out loud here. If a guy somehow got you one... I'd probably marry him on the spot. I bet that sounds crazy. Does that sound crazy? No! Not crazy. Not crazy at all. Ted, honey, don't play with your food. You, either, Mom. So, Mom, do you happen to know if there's any place where I could get a real tree? Ted, we already have a tree. It's the latest model. Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree. Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don't even know what it does. What's its purpose? Look at what we've got. It's the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco! Mom? Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree. Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. So, anyway... Let's just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. The what? Mom, it's not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay? That's right, I forgot. I'm old and can't even remember to put my teeth in. Stand down. That's not what I meant. No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? Sure, Mom. Okay, here's the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him. The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we're talking about now? Oh, he's real all right. Well, where can I find him? Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows. Quit doing that. That's the place where the Once-ler lives. Wait, outside of town? People used to say if you brought him 15 cents, a nail and the shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail, he would tell you everything. Hmm. Mr. O'Hare, what we've got for you is something that is going to take O'Hare Air to the next level. Now, Mr. O'Hare, I know what you're thinking. One, " I've gotten rich selling people air that's "fresher than the stinky stuff outside. " Two, and here is the important one, "How can I possibly make even more money?" We can tell you, sir! We can tell you. Check out this commercial, huh? Well, here goes another lame Saturday. Dude, I don't think so! Huh! Hey! Man! Oh, yeah! What! Yeah! O'Hare purified air. Freshness to go. Please breathe responsibly. Ah? Oh, my goodness. Yeah! Love it. You got to be kidding me. You really think people are stupid enough to buy this? Our research shows that if you put something in a plastic bottle, people will buy it. Exactly. And... And what's more, when we build a new factory to make the plastic bottles, the air quality is just going to get worse. Which will make people want our air even more, and drive sales where? Through the roof! So, in other words, the more smog in the sky, The more people will buy. See, that's why he's the genius! It even rhymes! I'm aware it rhymes. Coats. Big. What do you two knuckleheads want? I'm in the middle of a meeting! What? Why is he leaving town? No one ever leaves town! See what he's up to. Whoa! Huh? Whoa! Whoa. Oh, man. Whoa! All right. Okay. What the... Whoa! Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here? I'm Ted. I'm Ted. I can't breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Didn't you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don't let the boot hit you on the way out. The boot? Hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. No, no, no! Trees? Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? Hello? Sorry, it's just... Well, I didn't think anyone still cared about trees. Well, that's me. The guy who still cares. I'm here. Hey! What? Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they're all gone? It's because of me. Wait, what? It's because of me! And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand. All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that's cool. You're darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago. Can we start not so long ago, maybe? Do you want a tree? Yes, yes. Then it all started a long, long time ago. I was a young man leaving home. Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I'm actually doing it! Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn't surprise me at all! Nice wheels. Burn! Ow! Yeah, "Burn!" But you will see, okay? I'm going to prove you all wrong. Come on, Melvin! So, there I was at the very bottom. With nothing but a wagon, a mule, and a completely irrational sense of optimism. I was searching the globe, obsessed with finding the perfect material for my Thneed. But I'd had absolutely no success. Until one day, I found paradise. Oh! We're going to be there soon, I'm sure. Whoa! This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen. Oh. Ta-da! Whoa! Yeah This is it This is the place These Truffula trees are just what I need Gonna chop one down and make my Thneed But first... Now you! That's great! So now our friendship can begin Hand in hand, and wing and fin There's nothing you and I can't do So let's all make my dreams come true Hey, guys! Come on, where is my back-up chorus? What? Ah-ha! Oh. Ooh! Hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Excuse me? Yeah, that's awesome. Feeding junk food to forest animals? That's great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? Because I would love to hear that one. Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story, and was never heard from again. Right, got it. Proceed. All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world. Check it out, guys... Where did everybody go? Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest. The Lorax. Hey! Whoo! Did you chop down this tree? Uh... No. Who did it? What's that? I think he did it. Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your ax and get out! And who are you? I'm the Lorax! Guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. So you're telling me, you just didn't see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn't see any of that? No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? Uh, yeah, I could show you. But that's not how it works. Okay. Um... Didn't really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I've got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy... How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I'm going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it. What are you... Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What's your deal, man? Time for you to go, Beanpole! Pull them right out. Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day. Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature's innocent creatures? What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground! Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame! All right, you know what? That's it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I'm going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story. Then you leave me no choice. If you're not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks. Yeah, okay. You have been warned. But I didn't listen to his warning. And you won't believe what happened that night. What? If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow. Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho. Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don't make me come back! I guess you don't really want to hear the rest of the story. No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just... Nah! You don't have what it takes. Goodbye. Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It's all right. It's okay, I'll come back. It's no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I'll see you tomorrow. Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe. What did you wish for, Audrey? Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot. I know what she wished for. Was it, perhaps... This? Ted, you didn't. Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey. Kiss him! Kiss him! Ted. Ted. Tedster. Huh! You're kissing the cereal again, hon. What? I just... I like this cereal. What one is this? Yeah! Okay. Well, I'll make sure to buy extra next time for you. All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I'll see you guys. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're not going anywhere, young man. It's Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we're all playing board games! But... Hmm. Mmm? Oh, man. Mom, seriously, every turn? Hey, back off! Ooh! No. Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I'll be in my room. Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Huh? Go see him! Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy. Whoa! Hey! Ted, right? Um, Mr. O'Hare? So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What's that all about? Oh. Um... Where did you hear that? Oh. Teddy, there's not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don't know about. Here's the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business. I don't even know what you're talking about. You listen to me, boy. Don't go poking around in things you don't understand or I'll be your worst nightmare. I'm Frankenstein's head on a spider's body! Yeah, um... Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I'm just going to... Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn. How did you know? Please. I have eyes everywhere. Huh! You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can't think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again. Ever. Okay! Good talk. Really good talk. Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell. Oh, you missed me. What? You're already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right? No, I didn't. I'm just here to hear the end of the story. Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren't you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs? Yeah, right, right. I don't know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know? Huh? It's a girl, isn't it? What? No! Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that's because he's a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it's usually to impress some girl. Hey, she is not some girl! She's a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I'm going to get her one. Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Thank you. All right, but where did we leave off? Now that's a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir. Look at that... Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed? Shh! Okay, nice and easy. Nice work, you guys. Couldn't have done it without you. You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can't swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I'm coming to get you! Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed! Whoo! Whoo! Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more! Now what? Mmm-mmm. Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go? Bar-ba-loots. Oh, that's bad. Hey, Beanpole, wake up! What's happening? Where am I? Hey! We got trouble, and it's coming up fast! Whoo! We're in a river! Whew! Oh, no. Just do something! Help is on the way! No, no! Just a minute! Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck! Clear! Ah! I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life! Yeah, I know. Well, no, it's not that big a deal. It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait... On my bed. How did my bed get in the river? Uh... About that... Actually... I put your bed in the water. I didn't mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you're chopping them down! So, we've got a big problem. All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise. Thank you. But I'm going to keep my eye on you. Good. Now, I've got a big day tomorrow so I'm going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed. Ow! Okay, what are you... Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here? Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep. What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body's way of telling other people to go away. I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. "No harm done"? "No harm done"? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just... In my bowl! Why do you have one of these? You don't even have a mustache. Okay, that's it! What? I thought we made a deal last night. Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn't chop down any more trees. And I said I was going to keep an eye on you. I'm starving. What's for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated. You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed. You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that... "Garbage"? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It's a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there's more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing. Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo. You're bringing a guitar? Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I'm gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah. Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people... Sit down, go on. Unfortunately, I didn't sell it the first day. The Thneed is good The Thneed is great... Hey! Or the second day. Hey! Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day. Okay, that one hit the tender spot. Until finally... That's it! You know what? I'm done with this thing. Aw. My family was right. I quit! Hey. Cool hat. Oh, my gosh! I totally want one. That thing makes me like you more. Hey! Where's your Thneed, did you sell it? Hey. No, no. Didn't sell it. Turns out, it's ahead of its time, I guess. Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we'll deal you in. What are we playing? I'm playing poker. He's playing Go Fish. And I think he's hungry. Oh. Pancake, the pancake Up! Who is up for ninths? Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Whoa! All right, pass them over. Yeah, see? What's going on? Oh, no. That's a lot of people. Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people need The Thneed is good The Thneed is great Let's hope we're not too late It's a super trendy hat It's a tightrope for an acrobat A net for catching butterflies A thing we use for exercise Everybody needs a Thneed A fine thing that all people need Everybody needs a Thneed Oh, yeah! We're in business, baby! We need a Thneed Mom? Hey, it's me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We're going to be rich! What? I'm going to need all the help I can get. Don't worry. So, has he told you how to get a tree yet? Actually, no. But I think he's going to get to that part really soon. Here we are. What? I'll just be a minute. Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey! Oh, hi, Ted! What's up? You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts. Oh, is this the girl you're always talking about? Grandma! Stop making things up. She's even prettier than... Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let's get you home! Yeah! Whoa! I'm so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! Hey! Hey, I'm back. What have you got there? Yes! Whoa! Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there. Whoa! What a dump. Hey, Aunt Grizelda! Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long! No, Brett, that's actually not a... Okay. Go long! Go long! I got it! I got it! Got it! He totally ran into that tree! Ow! Oncie, is that you? Mom! There he is! There's my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right? Hey! I love this guy! But you always said I wouldn't amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you! I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you're all here, you all work for me, and that's cool. So, let's get to work. Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear? Time out. Back up. Stop. Don't move an inch. Nobody's moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye. So, who invited the giant, furry peanut? You calling me a peanut, huh? I'll go right up your nose! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn't hit a woman. That's a woman? Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let's not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend... Acquaintance. Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees. That's right. And on behalf of the trees, get out! Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I'm going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay? Bigger? Yeah, this isn't some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It's going to be huge! Which way does a tree fall? Uh, down? A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. I mean, look at this. It's amazing. I am so proud of me. Oncie, we've got us a little problem. Problem? Mmm-hmm. See, we're not making Thneeds fast enough. Harvesting the tufts takes too long! Well, what else can we do? Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. What? Now you're thinking. That would speed things up! But... No "but" s, Oncie. You're running a business now. You have to do what's best for the company, and your momma. Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to chop down a few trees. You've made me so proud, Oncie. Come here! Hey! I love this guy! No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop. Take that, you stupid tree! Where do you think you're going? Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss. Oh, I'm sorry, but Mr. Once-ler's not seeing anyone right now. Yeah, well, he'll see me. So... Hey, keep your paws off me! Give me a reason, Shorty. Hey, you broke your promise. You're better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad! Have a nice day! Bad? I'm not bad, I'm the good guy here. He just doesn't get it. Do you think I'm bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What's his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right. How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Well, there's a principle in nature Principle in nature That almost every creature knows Called survival of the fittest Survival of the fittest And check it, this is how it goes The animal that wins gotta scratch and fight And claw and bite and punch And the animal that doesn't Well, the animal that doesn't Winds up someone else's La-la-la-la lunch Munch, munch, munch, munch, munch I'm just sayin' How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? I'm just following my destiny How bad can I be? I'm just doin' what comes naturally How bad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? There's a principle in business Principle in business That everybody knows is sound It says the people with the money People with the money Make this ever-loving world go round So I'm biggering my company I'm biggering my factory I'm biggering my corporate sign Bigger, bigger! Everybody out there You take care of yours I'll take care of mine-mine-mine-mine-mine Shake that bottom line Let me hear you say Smogulous Smoke! Smogulous Smoke! Schloppity-Schlopp! Complain all you want It's never, ever, ever, ever gonna stop Stop! Come on, how bad can I possibly be? How bad can I be? I'm just building the economy How bad can I be? Just look at me petting this puppy How bad can I be? A portion of proceeds goes to charity How bad can I be? How bad could I possibly be? Let's see! All the customers are buying And the money's multiplying And the PR people are lying And the lawyers are denying Who cares if a few trees are dying? This is all so gratifying! How bad? How bad can this possibly be? So, how are things? What are you doing here? Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more? Look, if you've got a problem with what I'm doing, why haven't you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me? I told you, that's not how it works. Right, I forgot. You're a fraud. I need you to get out. Now! Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be? You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me! Well, that's it. The very last one. That may stop you. Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention's going to be. Yeah, I wonder... Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child. Hey, look, I don't want any trouble. And you won't get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can't live here anymore. So, I'm sending them off. Hopefully, they'll be able to find a better place out there somewhere. Melvin? Melvin... Hey, Pipsqueak... Hey... So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything. Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I've sat here regretting everything I've done, staring at that word, "unless," and wondering what it meant. But now I'm thinking... Well, maybe you're the reason the Lorax left that word there. Me? Why would he leave that for me? Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not. The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted. Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore. Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it's not about what it is, it's about what it can become. That's not just a seed, any more than you're just a boy. I won't let you down. I know. Hey, Audrey! Audrey! Ted? What are you doing? Meet me at my house. Wait, but... My house, okay? Got to plant the seed. Okay, we're going to need water. And uh, something to dig with. Um, what do I have... Ted? Mom, I'm busy, Mom. Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you! Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O'Hare, the most powerful man in town. There he is! Hello, Ted. Uh... Hi. Isn't he clever, Mr. O'Hare? He knows his own name and everything. You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I'll stay here and talk. Sure, why don't you go ahead and adopt him? I'm just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I'll get your cookie. I know you have it, Ted. So, let's put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over. I'm sorry... I don't know what you're talking about. Really? Well, then... I guess you wouldn't mind us checking your room. No, no, no! Morty! McGurk! Find the seed! No, you can't go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can't come in my room! Find it! Find it! What is going on here? This doesn't involve you! Get back downstairs! Excuse me, down there! I don't care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous. Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We'll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe. Mind telling me what's going on here? The seed! Where is it? Seed? Where's Grammy? It's alive! I remember you. Ted, what... Audrey! Hey, did you want to... Well, okay! Ted, what is this about? It's about this. Wait, wait, wait. Is that... Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you're going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it. I could just kiss you right now! We don't have time for that. I don't know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let's just go. Let's go. Forget about it. Maniac! Hey! Ah! Here it comes! I'm going for it. Oh, hello! Ted, big scary blimp coming. Whoa! You won't get away with this, boy! Bam! Go faster, you idiot! Yeah! Step on it, Ted! Whoa! You're fired! Whoa! Ted, look out! Nobody beats Aloysius O... Ted... This is not good. How's it doing? Whoa-ho-ho! Loser! Oh, really? Oh, no. The seed! Get that seed! Hang on! Here we go! Grammy! Seriously, how cool is your grandma? No! Come on! Yeah, that's right. There it is! Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Ah! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the... Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don't have the guts! Ted! Grammy! Whoo-hoo! Yes! Hey, hey, hey! Hey! It's Mr. O... Take that, shorty! Okay, we have to get this in the ground. But where? There's no dirt anywhere. No, Grammy... Hey, get out of there! Ah! Hey! What? See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh? Hey, they broke O'Hare's head! What do you think you're doing, kid? Um, I'm looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one. Why would we need a tree? Exactly. Oh, man. Folks... The last thing you want around here is trees. They're filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees. Hey! Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want! Come on! We know why you're really against trees. Because they produce fresh air. For free! Oh! I am wounded! You have lied! It is not a lie! It's called photosynthesis. Come on. She's making that up! That's a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don't need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who's with me? Come on! O'Hare is right! Seeds will ruin us all! Stop it! Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you're going? Come on, let's go! Get in, get in! Hey! Stop that maniac! Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out! Ted, you're going to hit the wall! Yeah. I know. Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh? I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren't perfect here in Thneedville. And they're only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this! Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you're fired! Go on, tell them what you think. You don't know me, but my name's Cy I'm just the O'Hare delivery guy But it seems like trees might be worth a try So I say let it grow My name is Dan And my name's Rose Our son Wesley kind of glows And that's not good, so we suppose We should let it grow Let it grow, let it grow You can't reap what you don't sow Plant a seed inside the Earth Just one way to know its worth Let's celebrate the world's rebirth We say let it grow My name's Marie, and I am three! I would really like to see a tree I say let it grow I'm Grammy Norma I'm old, and I've got gray hair But I remember when trees were everywhere And no one had to pay for air So I say let it grow Let it grow, let it grow Like it did so long ago It is just one tiny seed But it's all we really need It's time to change the life we lead Time to let it grow My name's O'Hare, I'm one of you I live here in Thneedville, too The things you say just might be true It could be time to start anew And maybe change my point of view Nah! I say let it die! Let it die, let it die Let it shrivel up and... Come on, who's with me? Nobody. You greedy dirt-bag! Let it grow, let it grow Let the love inside you show Plant a seed inside the Earth Just one way to know its worth Let's celebrate the world's rebirth We say let it grow Let it grow, let it grow You can't reap what you don't sow It's just one tiny seed But it's all we really need It's time to banish all your greed Imagine Thneedville flowered and treed Let this be our solemn creed Thank you, Ted. We say let it grow In Thneedville We say let it grow It's a brand new dawn We say let it grow In Thneedville We say let it grow It's a brand new dawn You done good, Beanpole. You done good. By the way, nice mustache.

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds 04e10 Brothers at Arms review - or more aptly named, the only time you will hear Lucifer saying the word ‘Playboy’ and referring to a gangbanger, Derek is still hot, and I think my birthday present this year should be a defibrillator.

Episode 10 – Brothers at Arms

Hey guys! So last episode was a definite breather, really loved it. I actually had to gasp a few times because I laughed so hard at how Derek asked Spencer to wingman him, how that loser made fun of Derek and how Spencer ended up the one scoring. It was glorious.

Let’s hope this one is good. Though the title doesn’t bode well.

We’ll see what happens.

God, that young cop is really getting on my nerve. How did he get past the academy like this?

Don’t the police have higher standards?

Oh wait, it’s 2008, never mind.

Shit. Two cops were shot in this. Fuck.

God, I really don’t like how Jordan is shooting down every one of their theories. I’m relaly not rooting for her here.

“Gang members don’t usually take trophies. They don’t need to. This is an unsub with something to prove.”

And you would know this, how, Derek?

Oh yeah, you were on the Chicago PD. Forget it sometimes.

Also, I’m willing to stake my beloved Inissia Nespresso machine and bet that the killer is a cop.

Don’t take me on this, please, I love my Carl.

Ayn Rand: “We are all brothers under the skin. And I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it.” Powerful stuff.

Especially in Shemar’s yummy voice.

“Okay, while you birds have been in the air, I got the 411 on the first shooting.”

“Mon dieu. He was a single parent. Two daughters.” Oh honey, I love how you relate to the victims.

Oh honey, I love how you take it personally because you were a cop. Baby! “Will do, but I should warn you, it will not be cake, because I have been on the phone with these guys all morning and pulling files from them has been like pulling molars.” I love her analogy.

“Be prepared to hit a blue wall of resistance.”

Oh boy.

HEY! LUCIFER! AWESOME!

Oh boy. He’s really not liking the FBI. Damn.

So the captain is determined on sending them away? Ha. Like Morgan will agree to that.

Oh god, they’re just hitting walls on every corner, just like Garcia said. Damn.

“Walking into a potential ambush every time they take a call.”

Damn.

Oh boy, that asshole caused a distraction for them to split up again. Oh boy.

Why is he automatically pointing the finger at the banger he mentioned earlier? “You saw Playboy there?”

“No, but – we all know he did it, agent.”

“No, we don’t.”

Damn straight.

“Lieutenant, you think I don’t know how bad you want this guy?”

“I was a uniform just like you. I saw a lot of cops go down.”

“Before that, I watched my father get shot.”

“He was killed doing his job, a cop’s job, so don’t think I don’t know.”

Wait, Derek’s dad was a cop? Oh, honey!

“We can forget cross-referencing. These guys were just assigned this beat.”

“He’s enjoying the hunt.”

Oh dear.

So basically they’re dealing with a narcissist asshole who’s trying to show he’s better htan everyone, knowing that the cops, the feds and the press are watching him? Damn.

“These guys are still trying to pin the shootings on a gangbanger named Playboy.”

“I have a feeling we’re not going to be able to hold them off much longer.”

“Hello, Playboy.”

That’s the dummy? Oh god, he looks nothing like what I imagined. Then again, I was imagining some hunky beef like Shemar, so.

“Since we’ve got this guy, why don’t we see if we can use him?”

Oh boy, is Derek going to talk to a gang leader? I’m loving this.

For all the wrong reasons.

“I said I know you didn’t kill those cops, but he doesn’t. And they don’t.”

“And trust me, they don’t care, man.”

“I don’t give a damn about you.”

HA.

Someone needs to arrest him for hotness.

“Without your say.”

Oh god, his ‘hood talk just came out and I’m loving this.

“I mean, if I’m you, I’m thinking I want this guy gone for good. What you think?”

Oh god.

“This cat goes from cold to hot in a heartbeat, nothing in between.” DAMN.

Hey! Don’t antagonize Playboy, Lucifer!

“I’m helping you, he’s not.”

Too true.

Oh god, Lucifer, I swear to god, man, I’m gonna let Playboy loose all on your pretty face.

“Playboy, don’t do it.”

God, it’s like watching Shemar talk to his doggies, man.

Crap. Another one.

Wait. They cornered the shooter? But it doesn’t make sense. He shoots at night.

Not the same guy.

Called it.

Did one of them just fall out of the window after being shot? Oh damn.

Why are they making out the captain look so stupid? I don’t get it.

So he’s already got the media on this? And he’s only giving Hotch four hours to prove it’s not the right guy? Oh god.

“Muy pronto.” I love you, Garcia.

Oh, he’s good at looking cocky.

“No offense, lieutenant, but we’re not wrong.”

Nope.

“So Diablo went after the cop who put him away, assuming it would be lumped in with the other murders.”

Oh boy.

Lucifer with glasses. Someone make this a fic.

“He said Bobby Q’s necklace was missing.”

Oh boy, so the asshole started with Playboy’s lieutenant? Oh dear.

The guy also attacked a bouncer at a bar that wore a ballistic vest.

“Apparently they don’t serve Shirley Temples at this establishment.”

Oh honey.

So the bouncer was into a fight club? Ew.

I hate the idea of fight club, never could get through the movie. Philosophically, it’s brilliant, but graphically? I had to bury my head in my couch pillow.

Oh crap. FBI cracking down on a fight club. Damn.

“I think he’s trying to let us know they have the right to be idiots.”

GENIUS!

“It’s owned by the city, which means …”

“Y’all are going to jail.”

Oh god, this guy’s description of the fight is making me sick.

Yeah, Rossi, haven’t you seen fight club? You don’t talk about fight club.

“How about a description?”

At least Morgan has some sense.

Wait. Isn’t giving out a press conference Jordan’s job? Hahaaha, they still don’t trust her. And rightly so.

“This is his last stand. He’s gonna want to make it count.”

Oh boy.

“But of course. Okay, real time satellite image shows … not a whole heck of a lot.”

I love her lines.

Why is Morgan always at the front of the line? Are they trying to screw me into an early heart attack?

Is the junk food not doing its job?

“Stay safe, my loves.”

Word.

Less than six minutes, let’s catch this asshole.

So weird seeing Lucifer with a gun.

So the first call in was a false alarm.

Don’t worry, babies, you’ll get him.

HOTCH BEHIND YOU!

YES! THEY GOT THE FUCKER!

WHOO! “You knew he wouldn’t be at the first address.”

“We figured he’d wait until Hotch was alone.”

Well yeah, they did mention they’d painted a target on his back.

“So the tip was a diversion.”

Well, intended to be.

“Something like that.”

Exactly.

“No thanks necessary, lieutenant. We did it together.”

Aw, honey!

Oh shit. Playboy shot the asshole. Lol.

And oh my god, why are you driving down the streets with music blaring? This is a small neighborhood, don’t be a dick.

Sorry, it’s my stressor ;)

“I think I’m going to stick around. There’s something I want to do.”

What?

Oh honey. I love you.

No one should be allowed to look this hot in a suit.

Oh my god, I can’t handle Shemar interacting with kids. It’s too much.

Fuck, where’s my defibrillator? Oh, I don’t have one? *quickly going to Amazon*

“Sam, your father was a hero.”

Oh shit. I can’t.  Where’s my Kleenex?

William Shakespeare: “For he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.”

Seriously? They had to end this one with Shemar quoting my favorite playwright? Oh god.

Okay, so this episode was rough. But well-planned. They peppered in enough humoristic one-liners that made up for the seriousness of the episode, they had some character development by shedding some light on Derek’s background as a cop, they had him do his gangster Shemar voice which was super hot. They had Mark Pellegrino, who is a big favorite guest star of mine. On any show. And they ended it by making me nearly sob when Derek interacted with the dead cop’s kid … I can’t handle hot people being sweet to children, it’s too much.

And of course, Shemar’s sexy voice just quoted Shakespeare and I need both a yearly supply of Kleenex and a defibrillator.

Damn.

I’ll see you all next time, hopefully it will jumpstart my heart and I won’t need to spend money on that thing.