#ye it's a toy fic

[sadiecoocoo]

Does anyone have any good fic recs for echo and Crosshair whump? Preferably pre-the bad batch series fics. I love their dynamic so much if fighting but also caring about each other even though Crosshair is a bitch

[dmitriyuriev]

A scene from Shimousa. Based on this fanfiction.

[zemkzone]

🎃🎃🎃 trick or TREAT 🎃🎃🎃

Day-ish late, but as promised in last week's poll... here's a lil snippet from a future chapter of That Rare Arctic Thunderstorm. You said "treat", sooooooo....

[Barry] definitely questioned a lot of things when he noticed what one of the shop assistants was showing a couple by the register. “… sixteen vibration settings are absolutely insane,” the assistant was saying. “This other one doesn’t pulse as strongly, but the ice chamber makes for a unique temperature play experience—with the right lubricant!” The open violet box had two sizeable curved vibrators nestled in black felt, one bright red with a golden lightning bolt running up from its base, the other deep blue with a silver snowflake. Barry couldn’t see any other identifying markings on the packaging, but the glass case behind the counter had display models with the combined Flash and Captain Cold symbols behind them. He wanted to sink into the floor from embarrassment when the couple added the set to their order. “Breathe, Barr,” Iris whispered, steering him away from the register. "You're starting to vibrate again!" “I—that’s just…” The speedster struggled for words as he fought to get his body under control. He was hyperaware that Linda was only a few feet away. Thankfully—and mortifyingly—Iris’s coworker headed for the counter to get a closer look at the toys. Cecile couldn’t know about these, could she? There was no way she’d have approved of an adult toy company using the symbols of the city’s heroes—even if they signed the agreement to donate half the sales profits to charity. Right? “Len is going to—I don’t know what he’s going to think!” Barry scrubbed at his face—which was probably as red as the Flash suit just then. “Or what he’ll do.” “They’re just toys,” Iris said, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "And… well, you two would be the only ones who’d know if they’re anything like the real deals?" "Not helping!"

What would Len do if he knew about these? Hehehe... Also, this serves as your update announcement. There'll be a new chapter up next Friday, November 8th. 😉

[ca-8]

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𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖!𝔹𝕦𝕟𝕫𝕠 𝔹𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕪 𝕩 𝕋𝕠𝕪 ℝ𝕒𝕓𝕓𝕚𝕥!ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 (ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝟚)

・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・

(This is a yandere fanfic meant to portray behaviors seen in fiction and fiction only. This is not to represent people who have real mental/personality disorders and/or trauma that cause them to gain obsessive behaviors. Please do not romanticize any behavior like this seen in real life, and do not actively seek out a relationship with someone who is prone to hurt themselves and/or others. Keep fantasies in fiction. Thank you.) (Major Trigger Warning: Implied abuse, descriptive human gore, ingestion of human insides, body hacking) .

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The pile was gone.

Little Hoppy was licking up the bloodied stains on the floor. (Y/n) had forgotten she was there until they realized they had been staring down at her for the past half hour. Their vision became stable again, their body was no longer trembling, and their stomach growled with reluctant, sickly relief. So they sat there, filling their shriveling lungs with air that was curing out its hellish stench. Just like on the day when they all feasted on Devils.

Which made this impossible. (Y/n) and presumably every other toy in Playtime Co. gorged on hundreds of bodies for years, until they ran out. One minute they were bathing in a victorious bloodbath, the next their stomachs begged them to turn on each other. That's why it was always so empty. That's why (Y/n) and little Hoppy always hid. So…who…?

Gloved hands coated in red rested on their shoulders. And his godawful voice whispered in their ear, "Hello, darling."

Get up. Run. Grab Hoppy and run as far away as you can. But no matter how loud their inner voice screamed at them, they sat right in place. Little Hoppy had curled up in their lap and fallen asleep.

(Y/n) opened their mouth to scream, but Bunzo quickly hushed them as he leaned in to rest his head on their shoulder.

"Look how peaceful she looks. That must've been the first meal she had in a long time." They whimpered; he was so close that their cheeks touched. His breath reeked of Devil. "It must've been your first meal too, right, (Y/n)?"

His voice lowered when he said their name. There was so much pleasure laced within his tongue, they could feel him practically trembling as each letter spilled out. He gripped their chin with such force, as if he would break their jaw open if they even attempted to move from him.

No, he would. He'd have them writhe in agony and drag them back down to his little "playhouse". They looked down, their breath hitching. Bunzo's bloodied hand was caressing over the line of stitches connecting their beautiful (f/c) fur-covered thigh with a raggedy leg of another toy on their line.

It hurt. It stung so badly feeling the needle go inside and outside their leg It hurt. It stung so badly feeling the needle go inside and outside their leg with the thread harshly chafing against each hole. But what hurt more was tearing off a leg from another (Y/n)'s decaying corpse.

"You've been starving for so long, all because you thought you didn't need me. But now look at you, so filled with energy and beauty and life again. I was so considerate to look past the fact that you abandoned me, and brought you and your little pet back from the brink of death."

That God they praised was him. "Where did you get it?" their voice croaked from their voice box. It was the only thing they could push from their mouths that wouldn't make him harm them.

Bunzo's smile widened, and he brought his mouth closer to theirs. "A former employee was roaming around Playcare, all alone in the dark. I saw them, and I thought of you," he explained.

"How did you find me?"

"Oh, it wasn't hard. Who can go far with only one leg, anyway? And your only notable quality is how absolutely captivating you are, my dear. Having beauty that only I can admire."

Something was caught in the corner of their eye, and they glanced up. It was a rotting poster splattered in decomposing blood, but the most disgusting thing on it were the cartoon versions of (Y/n) and Bunzo embracing each other, surrounded by hearts and drowning in once better days.

Suddenly, he held their hand. "I'm so tired of worshipping your leg, it only makes me crave the rest of you. Come back with me, (Y/n). You and your pet. We can be a family together," Bunzo whispered. "From the second we were made, we were meant for each other. I can take care of you two. Other people will want to look for that former employee. You won't even have to lift a finger, I can kill them for you!" He wrapped his arms around them, forcing their hands to dig in their sides, and the maniac began to squeeze. "Do you know what you made me do when you left? I was so scared, so- so angry, I hurt so many little friends, so many of me!"

Little Hoppy's ears rose just a bit as soon as Bunzo rose his voice. She slowly rose from (Y/n)'s lap and looked up at their parents' trembling figure getting so painfully squeezed by the strange, bloodied bunny man. A low snarl erupted from that wide, toothless grin.

"It was so bizarre seeing myself bleed out by my hands - seeing so so much pour out from such tiny little bodies - but I had to do it. I had to! You are the one assigned to me, it's not my fault theirs are all dead, it doesn't mean they should have you-!" She leaped from their lap and flew straight to his face, sending him back on the ground. (Y/n) didn't look back, but their ears were doused in howls and curses as Bunzo tried to pry the little one off of him. She was little, but she wasn't prey. (Y/n) sprinted down the hallway and around the corner. They heard a gut-wrenching wail from little Hoppy, but their legs just kept going. It was pointless - when the Devils were wiped from this place, when the toys' only source of food were digested, all of their friends, their family, everyone only saw each other as either food or foe. The naive against the desperate, the weak against the strong.

And Bunzo was right, they were weak. They couldn't even take care of a little bunny. They could only run and hide and pray to a cruel God that he would disappear so they could fall asleep and never wake up.

The pitiful rabbit pushed open the door to a small, dark room and locked it behind them, then laid beneath a desk and held their mouth shut.

It had gotten quiet. Too quiet, and for too long.

Then, the silence broke far outside (Y/n)'s blanket of shadows.

"(Y/N)!" Bunzo screamed. His target stifled a sob. "I can't do this without you… I can't live without you! Don't you remember how beautiful we were together before The Hour of Joy? We knew how those Devils really saw those children, so we gave them the best life possible! We were one big happy family! We can be that again! We don't have to live out our final days in misery!"

'Go away. I don't care. I want nothing to do with you.' Yes, in the past, things were different. They were both powerless, but still made each orphan feel so loved and special. Just like how he made them once.

"I don't want you to die a hypocrite, (Y/n)," he continued. "You killed just as many as I did! I saw it all, the way you tore their jaws opened to silence their screams, how your breathtaking eyes blazed with fury as you ripped out their spines… it was heavenly."

(Y/n) clawed their face. They hated those Devils. They hated seeing their plans for those innocent children, they weren't fit to be called human! They had to protect them, they had to! They couldn't stand to see another one go! Those screams, they were like music - wonderful enchanting music! - even when living so beautifully, they've never experienced something so delightful before hearing such howls melt into choking groans as a Devil's blood flooded from their broken mouths. They didn't deserve to live! If those children knew what they were going to do to them, they would've done the same thing. THEY DID NOT DESERVE TO LIVE.

And then they saw the looks on their little faces. They looked at them as if they were the monster. They weren't, (Y/n) was just trying to protect them! But when they smiled and approached them and outstretched their arms for a hug like they always did, the children only screamed in utter terror, breaking that lovely song.

"So how can you give me that face when you've committed the same sins as I have?"

They couldn't kill again. When the children ran from them, they couldn't bring themselves to harm another. All of a sudden, that hatred had diminished, so they turned and hid, and the screams went on. They only stopped when Bunzo found and urged them to eat. They were starving, and they didn't mind it at the time because if they hurt those children, they only deserve to starve. But he dragged them out and fed them bitter Devil remains.

That's when they knew he had changed along with them. They saw what the children had seen and they did not like it one bit.

But now he fed them again. And they were hiding again. And another child got hurt because of them. If a cruel God was gazing down at this pathetic rabbit, they had hoped He could end its miserable life at at that moment.

But the cruel God kept living up to His title.

Bunzo's footsteps grew closer, and little Hoppy's mewls amplified along with them. (Y/n) let go of their stinging face. 'She's alive.'

"My dear, you're not just going to leave our poor baby to die, are you?" he called right outside the door. "I can't bear to tear this cute little thing to pieces. But I will if I have to. If you really are so selfish as to break apart our precious family, it only makes sense for you to die alone."

Footsteps walked past the room and little Hoppy's whines slowly began to fade. (Y/n) laid there, their stomach becoming more and more twisted and sick. Then, they rose, and exited the room.

"WHERE ARE YOU?" Bunzo bellowed. In one hand, he held little Hoppy's paw, making her dangle upside down. In the other, he held a half of her ear, letting small droplets of blood trail right behind him.

(Y/n) bit their quivering lip before softly saying, "Right here."

Bunzo whirled around. Little Hoppy's blood spouted across the lower wall beside him. "My beloved (Y/n), there you are!" he said cheerfully, his harsh and sadistic personality quickly fading. "You had me so worried for a second!"

Lights were flickering above them, but (Y/n) could still get a full view of him now. The green of his overalls were completely overshadowed by old blood every inch of its fabric, with little hints of fresh gore peppering a few areas. His yellow fur was completely dulled out and gave into the ugly mixture of whatever disgusting horrors he granted upon his other victims. Dirt and grime plagued his long ears, and surprisingly, (Y/n) spotted a bite at the tip of his left ear. But was most shocking was the fact that his right eye was missing.

They jumped when they realized Bunzo had moved much closer to them. "Hmm, you've must've noticed my own changes, is that right?"

"Yes, your…your eye."

"Oh! That old thing. That employee actually put up quite a bit of a fight."

"S-So…that wound…it's recent?" They glanced down at Little Hoppy for a second.

Bunzo face melted into a warm, enamored smile. "You're worried about me! That makes m e so…so happy!" He suddenly pulled them into an embrace, earning a fearful gasp from them. "You….me….this little one…" Pulling away only slightly, he brought up little Hoppy and made (Y/n) hold her along with him, dropping her half ear. It splattered only the ground, slowly uncurling like a wilting flower. "We'll be perfect together!"

They bit their tongue to keep themselves from crying. "If I stay with you…if w-we both stay…You won't hurt us?"

Bunzo's smile dropped. "Hurt you? Oh no no no no no no no! My dear, everything I've done, I did for you! To help you realize you need me as much as I need you. And it worked! Your eyes tell me you want to stay with me forever and ever!"

That crazed smile returned once more as he pulled them into another embrace. Little Hoppy whimpered and buried her face into (Y/n)'s stomach. "We'll have so much fun every day! I can show you the shrine I made for you! A-And you can give me more pieces of you so I can worship every single part of you every day!" He just kept going, on and on and on. "We'll never be apart again. We'll die together. And if you ever die before me, I'll tear open your body and make myself fit inside you, then close you up so I can suffocate against your wonderful skin. And you'll do the same for me! Doesn't that sound perfect?" (Y/n) tensed up. Their legs were aching to run away again, but they couldn't let him harm about thread on her body. Maybe this cruel God was giving her another chance at redemption. Protect the child, no matter what. Even if it means living every day in a hell with no rising sun. Even if it means becoming a slave to someone's sick fantasies. Even if it means wasting away your own life. It's time to repent for your sins. "Yes," (Y/n) said, "perfect." . . . Days have gone by. Or weeks. Or months. (Y/n) didn't care anymore. They and little Hoppy sat a table, kneeling over ragged carpet. Echoes of droplets sang close and off in the distance as they splattered against the cave floor. Sometimes they wondered what color they were. Behind them, a candle light flickered amongst the few that decorated Bunzo's masterpiece. (Y/n) always tried to avoid looking at it, as it just made them sick to their stomach, but sometimes they had no choice but to gaze upon its repulsive glory. It was a giant shrine of corpses spelling out their name, bodies once belonging to other Bunzos and (Y/n)s. Their faces were painted in such horrid agony, their mouths forever drawn out in an eternal silent scream. Each of them had their eyes gouged out as they were forced in a position to have their handless arms reach towards the shrine's centerpiece: (Y/n)'s precious leg. It was dirty and smelled absolutely appalling. Every inch of it was covered in smears and hand prints made from blood, like someone had gotten a little too personal in order to worship it. Even though asking was the last thing they wanted to do, Bunzo went ahead and whispered everything he did to it to them every night, in terribly excruciating detail.... (Y/n) released the breath they were holding and turned toward little Hoppy. Her previously damaged ear was sewn back together, and both ears were flopped over behind her head. Though she held her usual wide, toothless smile, the life in her eyes had greatly diminished. (Y/n) scooted closer and gently made her head lean on their side. "We'll be okay," they whispered. Turns out, Bunzo somewhat kept his promise; when they were good, he didn't lay a finger on Hoppy. If he was satisfied for the day, he treated them a little too well in fact, always going off into rants about how much of a good father and husband he was to his family. Always pulling (Y/n) into sudden, deep passionate kisses that had them gasping for air while he was off in a daze. It was so hard not to throw up once they were given a chance to breathe again. If he wasn't satisfied... They took in as much musty air as they could when footsteps began to approach. Bunzo emerged into the candlelight, holding yet another plate of throbbing Devil organs. The room instantly became poisoned with iron, and they held in a gag and sat up straight. "Thank you for waiting, honey!" Bunzo said enthusiastically, setting the plate down on the table and wiping the red streak off his face. "It's like this place is getting bigger every day...but we're so lucky. That employee has a lot more friends than I thought!" "Really?" (Y/n) stared at their meal. Bleeding rivers coursed through each crevice. Little Hoppy cautiously approached the pile. "We won't have to worry about food for a while!" Bunzo looked down at the bunny, who recoiled as soon as she saw him staring at her. He smiled. "Go ahead, dear, eat up. Your parents want you to grow up big and strong!"

She didn't move. (Y/n) grabbed a handful of intestine and held it up toward little Hoppy. She sniffed their hand and nibbled the contents slowly. "Aww, how adorable!" Bunzo cried happily. He scooted next to them and firmly grabbed their shoulder, pulling them toward him. "You're absolutely perfect... I can never get enough of you. Everything you do is so precious, so..." His breath clung to a gasp and broke out into quick, manic giggles. (Y/n) pulled back a bit before he grabbed their face and pressed his lips against theirs. His grip was so strong, too strong, they used their free hand to try to pry his hands off of them, or at least get him to let go.

Thankfully, he did, and he moved back just enough to let them have some air. With his half-lidded eyes swimming in morbid longing, Bunzo stared deeply into theirs, studying every smidgen of movement, every sliver of their dulling soul, every thought they could possibly be thinking and making sure it was only of him. They opened their mouth, and Bunzo cut them off. "Which reminds me," he started, "I'd like another piece."

His victim's heart stopped, and after a long, quiet moment that was only broken by dripping drops, (Y/n) picked up little Hoppy and sat her on the table next to their meal. She stepped towards them, almost putting one of her paws on their shoulder until they stood up and left the room with Bunzo following close behind. "I know you used to dream about escaping this place one day, my dear (Y/n)," he said. They entered another room with a bed and a table with various sharpened tool. The overhead light still made the fluids glisten. "When I saw you scurry from place to place, trying to ascend from our home. The more I watched you, the more confused I became." They laid down on the bed, holding out the arm fused with (f/c) and bright yellow fur from their side. Their and Bunzo's fingers trembled in sync. Bunzo grabbed a butcher's knife and ran one of their fingers against the blade. "You'd get killed the second you step outside of this place. You could never become adjusted or find someone to trust...or to love. Thinking about that made me so, so, so sad." He stepped to the side and laid his completely yellow hand firmly against the surface. "You had the nerve to leave me, then run off to get yourself killed? It hurt me. It hurt me so much. So much-" and he heaved in a gasp as he raised the knife, "-All I could think about was-" He hammered it down on his finger. A revolting crunch bounced off the walls. "How COULD you? How DARE you?" The knife flew back up and slammed back down on his finger, over and over again with each word and unstable gasp. "There wasn't ANYTHING I wouldn't do for you, and you still LEFT? After all we've BEEN THROUGH?" And with one final, painful CRUNCH, his finger laid severed in a pool of red. Bunzo gasped heavily, staring up at the wall whilst trying to regain control of his quivering arms. "...And..." he finally spoke in a haggard whisper. "And....and...and...and and and and....and you came back to me." Bunzo turned around, smiling ever so widely. Blood dripped off his teeth with pride. "And...and...and...and we started a new life together. C-CatNap was kind enough to- to...to lend us this part of the cave as our home, he...h-he, he only asked us to praise th-the...the the the Prototype, i-i-in exchange...." He pushed himself off the table and wobbled over to (Y/n). They only watched in silence, biting their lip to keep them from crying again. "I-...I don't..." He stumbled over, quickly catching himself before he could fall. "...I don't...g-give a single sh...shit about whatever he wanted, I don't care about the Prototype! I-I can't st-stand doing his...his little favors f-for his joke of a god..."

Supporting himself with his arms on the sides of their head, Bunzo hovered over them. Disgusting gore dripped onto their face, and they couldn't look away from that perfervid, boiling, doting glare. "Y-Y-You're my only God... I'll prove, I'll prove it to you...! W-We'll exchange pieces of each other and truly, truly become inseparable!" He grabbed their only good hand and brought one of their fingers up to his lips, dousing it in his saliva sighing so contently. (Y/n) was whimpering. Their heart was pounding and they couldn't keep themselves still. "Just do it already," they choked out. "Get it over with." "Aw, don't be so scared, my little bunny..." Bunzo reached over and kissed the top of their forehead. "I'll make this quick." He raised the butcher knife, and (Y/n) squeezed their eyes shut. His voice whispered within the darkness before the burning, unimaginable pain.

"After all, you've been so good for me. I love you so much." ・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・・❥・ Hey guys! Like what ya saw? Well you can commission your own private piece now!! Read more about that here! Thanks so much for reading, and have a great day!~ 💜💜💜 So this was so much fun to make, and again, thank you to @zinnia1506 for requesting!! (But again, seriously guys, don't go actively looking for relationship like these in real life. A lot of people are saying "ugh I wish I could find a crazy yandere gf/bf" and I'm just like, no. No you don't. For one, it romanticizes people with obsessive behavior stemming from trauma and/or mental/personality disorders, and two, it will NOT be the relationship you want. Trust me, I know. So every time I'm gonna make a yandere fanfic, I'm gonna put that lil PSA in the beginning. Keep yourselves safe.

Okay! Also, you guys can now request CatNap because:

I've been researching about him and people have been saying that he was 7 years old by the time he turned into CatNap, and since this game takes place ten years later (as the game implies that the toys can age), he has aged ten years mentally and emotionally, technically making him 17-18 years old (Update on that: @atiz57 just informed me that he may be in fact older, as he was turned into CatNap at age 7, stayed in that body for four years before the Hour of Joy making him 11, and 10 years later when the game took place, he would be 21. I wanna say thanks to them for giving me that info!)

I kin and am hyperfixated on CatNap and I wanna write about him pLEASE GIMME SOMETHING THAT INVOLVES HIM/nf

For the most part, I ask you guys to keep it mostly platonic (because I still speculate on his true age from time to time), and I'd love to hear from you all!~ 💜 Next up, we have a requested DogDay fanfic! I'm so excited to write it and show you guys!!

[femmefighter]

Hi, fellow Sabine fan here.

What do you think Sabine’s favorite sex toy in the collection of toys she most definitely has is?

I’m thinking prolly something with a nice color combo to it

I think I'm getting too much of a reputation for being a Sabine or Ahsoka smut writer. Is that a bad thing?

Hello fellow Sabine fan!! Let's be friends and scream about Sabine's sex toy collection together.

I feel her favourite changes as frequently as her hair does. She has some that she has certain nostalgic attachments to. Did Kanan and Hera give her a strap as an 18th birthday present as a 'welcome to adulthood' present to watch her blush, but also as a subtle hint to Ezra that Sabine prefers the women? You bet they did, and she will never get rid of it, even if it hasn't matched her own aesthetic in years.

But as far as which ones she favours? For toys she uses on partners, she's a classic strap and harness gal, but they have to match her current hair/armour colour scheme. Hence why she has a collection.

For toys she uses solo? She favours dildos/vibrators that remind her of her current crush. Are her thoughts wrapped up on that Alderaanian princess she once rescued? She's using some fancy, elegant glass dildo she imagines Leia would own. Got some weird obsession for that murder-kitten Force wielder that stabbed her in the abdomen? She's using a glowing-orange vibrator that heats up. Thinks the Togruta Jedi that hangs out with the Ghost crew from time to time is a babe but doesn't know much about Togruta biology, and so is guessing what Ahsoka has under her skirt? She's using some bulbous alien dildo that the Holonet advertised as 'Togruta dick'.

She also has her sex toy collection booby-trapped with a ink bomb, especially when she was living on the Ghost. Ain't no way she's letting Ezra or Zeb gain access to that.

Thanks for the ask!

[mister-warmth]

I should write about that old man getting railed....I should get on that

[multiversal-stims]

And for eternity, I wanna be your what's happening!

Since I already technically made a Francis 2 stimboard. Here is a general Francis^2 stimboard for anon!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

[thus-spoke-lo]

I need more “inappropriate use of devil fruit” fics. I need Law carefully slicing you in just the right places and turning you into his personal sex toy for the day. I need Ace (or Sabo) carefully kissing your skin with flames, as gentle as running a lit candle over your trembling body. I need Doflamingo stringing you up like a helpless puppet, using his wires to make gentle slices into your pretty flesh and mark you as his.

[innytoes]

Ooo I got Werewolf AU + Grocery Store AU... Do with that what you will! <3

Okay so there's this one really good grocery store for werewolves in Los Feliz. Like it's not even on purpose, probably, some manager just accidentally ordered a lot of jerky and word got around and now five years later they have a lot of Fancy Meat Products and other things that are helpful to werewolves.

50/50 on whether the manager realised the customer base and started planning stock accordingly or is really oblivious and so happy when customers suggest stuff and they sell well at certain times so he just keeps doing that. Maybe it's a religious thing! Who knows!

So just imagine like, Sunset Curve Wolf Pack, they take turns doing the shopping. And right before the full moon, this means A Cart Full Of Meat (and some potatoes, Wolf!Luke is a weirdo and he likes to cart one around).

So it's Alex' turn and he spots this really cute guy in a crop top who has a cart that looks Very Similar to his. But he's too shy to talk to him, he's not Reggie, trying to hit on random people in the supermarket with a cheesy pun.

But then their carts smash together in the Beef Jerky aisle and the cute guy sees his cart and gasps and does the Spiderman Point and Alex on instinct does the same because he's surrounded by nerds and all of a sudden they are flirting and talking and what is happening and suddenly he has a number and a date for the week after the full moon.

Reggie has never been prouder.

[fumblingmusings]

Just for my own clarification regarding timeline stuff and baby America as is depicted in canon.

What is actually shown in canon is Finland is the first to see America after the Netherlands takes over New Sweden. This happened by 1655. The Anglo-Dutch War then occurs, which kicks the Netherlands out of America. This happened by 1674. England and France argue over who gets to be America's big brother - this is presumably resolved before the end of the century, say by 1697 with the end of King William's War.

We know from the Davie comic that Arthur visits at least twice over the course of a human life. We know that by the end of the Seven Year's War both America and Canada were babies still. America then grew at a human pace, Canada about half the rate of that.

I guess, essentially, what I'm saying is that England and America barely spend time together. I'd say, between England officially taking ownership of America and the Revolution, England is shown to visit on at least six occasions.

The length of time he spent visiting America in that field,

the time informing America about the flowers that are native to the UK,

the time he returns to give America the flowers,

the time when he introduces and spends time with both Canada and America as one household,

one more time when America looks like a six or seven year old,

and finally when England comes back to see America as a seventeen year old.

Six visits in around 100 years. (I have definitely misremembered other instances, but you can probably even conflate some visits into one event).

America was separated from other nations for around seventy years, and Canada seemingly had to wait until the Seven Year's War for a decision to be made about his prescence. The NA pair were alone for a significant chunk of their existence, and having England or France barge in changed very little.

I think my point is, yes, fanon enjoys creating familial connections, but in canon, you can't argue that they are genuinely present. And that’s the point almost. England saying he's going to look after America and then being awol for the next 100 years means the War of Independence was less a breakdown of what relationship there was and more a cracking of something that could have been.

It's never been an equal relationship (because America was a colony) compared to now where the two go on holiday together or spend new years in the pub. Distance and how to traverse it is an issue, yes, but it’s also a sign of how much England is delusional on what his relationship to and his understanding of America actually is. And what it is is very little.

By the end of the 18th century, the two genuinely were strangers to each other. If they were anything more, it was playing pretend almost, trying to squeeze a dynamic out of a strained acquaintanceship. It's telling that Canada is then shown to spend far longer stints next to England going forward. Not exactly the right lesson learned, but... well, it's something. Canada actively sought out England to spend time with him. America never did that.

[blazingstar29]

me thinking about bob: THE VOICES

[no-context-nonsense]

5:30am on a Saturday and the post is up? Unheard of.

[merlinemrys]

was typing up a looooong post about a funny magic reveal with mergwenthur until i realised that i’m literally a writer i could write this

[millipede-menace]

More No Flirting With The Lifeguard sketches

everything is pink ;0

I know there are actual regular lifeguard towers in rottmnt but you can’t tell me that there isn’t a fancy mystic one out there. If Miamis got funky towers then so does the hidden city lol

Don’t mind the beach buggie, i’ll make them to be cuter later uwu

Calypso my beloved ( ˘ᴗ˘) <3 very loosely based on a veiltail goldfish

Remembers your starbucks order but low key knows your deepest darkest secrets (The name Captain Bubbles will come in later so . . . spoilers?)

[nighhtwing]

the fucking fatphobia jumpscare in a SUPERMAN FIC??? WHAT.

WHAT.

[qserasera]

got a cracky headcanon that has so much sugary fluff in it that i don't feel shameless enough to post it as a fic lol

so my bard wood half elf, layla, has a guild artisan background--i vaguely headcanoned it as a kind of backup career she prepared for, in case the swordfighting-and-barding around faerun gig didn't work out. so mostly like intermediate-level woodworking, with some textiles/embroidery knowledge on the side

and then in the case of the stuffed toys plot, she gets so pissed off about that, that she asks the flaming fist guard in charge of the donations storehouse if she could take the box of them and clean them up and fix them before re-sending them back to donations

'sure, why not' the guy says, 'i already filed my report on it and all. i'll keep one of them for evidence but take the rest'

then back at camp, her companions watch as she's cleaning off all these toy teddy bears, refluffing them, and tearing apart a bunch of fancy clothes they swiped off of cazador's palace after freeing astarion, and making little outfits for them

so u get some bears with princess hats, and bears with cloaks, and bears in like little doublets and such in shiny brocades and silks. some of them have little wooden sword accessories tied to their belts too lol

(she even gets gale to cast several fireproofing and waterproofing spells over the whole lot)

layla also ends up handing one (a teddy bear with white fur, in a little dark outfit with silver embroidery decorations) to astarion, who stares at it in puzzlement for five whole minutes

"darling," he says slowly, "as much as i adore anything that comes from your hands, you do know i am an over 200-year old elf right?"

layla holds up another teddy bear, this one in a little purple dress that also has embroidery done on it

"he comes in a pair," she says, wholly straight-faced. "they're supposed to match"

astarion's resolve crumples like wet tissue paper

he takes the teddy bear