#y'know you didn't have to go. yet.
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Hii fellas 🥹☺️
So, my grandpa passed away suddenly this late night/early morning — and honestly I'm not sure what to think :')) I mean, I JUST saw him at Christmas and he looked alright too! 😅😆 Like, I said "merry christmas grampa!!" and he did that smile he always does and said "ohh merry christmas! ^^" with his islander twang. like he always does.
Mm, not even one last phone call haha ;; he always phone called everybody because he was semi immobile, y'know. he was always kinder to us grandkids!!
Ah darn I didn't even get to say my goodbyes. Again. 🤣 Why's that a running theme for me?? Like why? 🥴😅
#why'd you leave grampaaa??#we were supposed to go into the new year together silly. 🥴#how are we gonna do that . if you're not here?#silly grampa#cw death mention#I'm gonna miss you hella bad old timer :')#you were funny. and held love for your kids.#including us grandkids!!#but uh.#y'know you didn't have to go. yet.#just saying#y'know? 🥹#might delete later#cw death
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Day 335 | id in alt
Being desperate to end the fight might make you even worse off in the long run, Shoko.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#shoko ieri#ieri shoko#utahime iori#Kugisaki opening her eye not even fully like all the way knowing her shit yet and immediately getting shot with 1 Ml of Adrenaline#Shoko actually regretting her actions for once#Kugisaki probably going through the most insane shit right now she probably cant feel any of her limbs at the moment#dont shoot adrenaline into a fresh out the coma child Shoko#The funniest part is. Shoko didn't train to actually do this medical shit she foes autopsy's bro she dosent know how much the body can#the body can take#Shoko does not know she probably gave Kugisaki more brain damage#Shes just sitting there with a fucked up girl using her technique#Because they BOTH dont know whats going on#utahime is tweaking the fuck out but shes gonna be okay(she'll be thinking about it for years)#Kugisaki was in a state of genuine disability where she had to be cared for by others that didn't know what they were doing#Shoko STILL dosent know. Its not her fault shes used to dealing with corpses#shoko becoming a presudo caretaker of Kugisaki because she feels guilty about this massive fuck up#Shoko probably thought she was just like the higher ups in that moment and had to stare at a wall#Kugisaki wigging out and shes half fucked in a state of limbo because DAMN that idle transfiguration made her believe she DIED#Anything to win the fight against the king of curses y'know#Nobody really knows about what happened except Shoko. Utahime and Kugisaki herself so. And you know theyre not gonna say anything#youd have better chances talking to a rock#why did i make this? my brain spiraled
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First of all, you have given me so much to work with, thank you so much. Second of all, I’m really glad you could see where I was going with Grant’s real test not actually being about killing Slade. Third of all, I absolutely love what you’ve suggested with the powers and I am currently designing met gala esque outfits for the trio and Tara’s specifically is really fun to play around with. I’ve been thinking to show they’re becoming more divine I’ll change their hair and eye colours but not their faces for the most part. I was drawing robin Jason with Natalia and decided he should have brown eyes and a crooked nose from breaking it as a kid but once he returns his eyes get weird (eg go blue and occasionally other colours), a patch of his hair went white and he lost all of his scars. Also, I think the closer they get to divinity I’m gonna draw cracks on their body that glow with their specific colours just to hammer home how they’re shedding their mortal forms.
With Tara being able to see the strings of fate, I though it’d be fun to give her a harp and then with Jason having the see no evil trait I thought it’d be fun to give him weighing scales since lady justice wears a blindfold. Idk what to give Grant though. I mean probably a weapon of some sort or maybe a Shepard’s crook that he can turn into a scythe to play into the sheep, wolf, Hunter thing.
With Jason and Tara’s splintering, I love the idea of them making fun of Grant for being the baby god. He hasn’t even had a cult yet, gosh he’s so young. Also them being besties just holds a special place in my heart.
And I just came up with this, of course they have parallels to the trinity but in universe rumours of their existence have been around much longer than Bruce, Clark and Diana. They’re the big three of the justice league but these guys are justice gods. So they start calling themselves the justice trinity but then people get confused about which trinity is which because the justice leagues’ trinity sounds awfully close to the justice gods’ trinity. The new all caste is certainly more distinctive branding but the point isn’t to be distinctive, it’s to be petty.
I'm so glad my unmedicated rambling helped!!! And I'm so excited for the outfits!!! I love when characters start becoming less and less human, when they're stuck in that uncanny valley spot of not quite human but not entirely Other, when they lose control and the cracks start to show...um I should probably give a warning for slight body horror elements. Not in the gore sense, in the "this body is not made of flesh and there is something divine clawing it's way out". Uh also there are teeth. Just. Teeth. I dipped into a little bit of cosmic horror at the end there because I wanted to cover my bases with mixed mythologies
Jason, with his defined splinters, is usually depicted with three faces in ancient texts. The Child, gaunt and dark colored, is said to appear before the downtrodden and impoverished. The few stories remaining tell of kindly people who give him an offering, and in exchange he reveals his true form, with his crown of golden ivy and beautiful strong wings to gift them bounties of food and water and riches. Other stories tell of not so kind encounters, where The Child witnesses an injustice - typically against women or children - and again reveals his true form, one with clawed hands and a mouth dripping with blood. Scholars argue what the wings looked like, but whichever All-Caste member annotated it before has compared their likeness to either a Robin or a Shrike.
There's also The Ghost, He appears young at first glance, but his hair is wirey and gray, his eyes milky and unseeing, in bloodied armor he greets the souls of the damned as they're delivered to him, and with scarred hands he wipes the tears of children taken too soon. Accounts of this face are few and far between, but all of them are entrenched in sorrow.
Finally there is The Soldier, scarred and still smoking from the ruins of battle he emerges, giving voice to the weak and resources to the needy. He champions revolutionaries and philosophers first, a strategist who delights in the liberation of the people from corrupt systems. Accounts of him usually come from times of famine and war, and he was particularly popular with poor villages, who would mark the graves of their dead with the symbol of his sword as offerings. For some reason or other, he got particularly popular with the youth, girls and boys both seemed to pray for him and leave him offerings.
The way these manifest on Jason is subtle at first. I could go the body horror route, but I won't. Yet. Instead I think his splinters show up as reflections, shadows, imprints. The faint echo of bell-like laughter when Jason does a move he learned as Robin, the image of a younger him with longer hair and unblinking eyes staring at him in the mirror. It gets worse when he gets the blades, the white streaks his hair, the swirling mark covers more of his skin every time he uses them, he trails the scent of smoke and blood behind him like a signature. His scars...they should disappear. They have for everyone else who used the pit, but instead his skin starts cracking. Any place he's ever been scarred glowing cracks break up his skin. He can't feel them, but he's always aware of them, the meaning behind them, the divinity literally leaking through his body. His eyes aren't brown anymore. They aren't even green. He looks in the mirror and they are copper, molten and burning. He tries his best to keep his mask on.
What do you think of when you imagine the word divinity? Probably something like Tara. Something with skin carved from stone, with moss and fungus crawling up her legs and snow laden shoulders. They say her hair is made of swirling clouds and the sun and moon are her eyes.
Some say she's a nymph although no one knows what kind. You're just as likely to see her name among the naiads as the dryads. Whether flowers bloom where she dances or waves crash when she sings, she's known to be more vicious towards suitors than her sisters.
Others have said she's a faerie, who takes the faces of lost daughters and lovers, slipping into their places seamlessly, forcing unruly men to pay their dues. Others say she's a shifter of a different sort, with a shawl of feathers and a crown of twine and gems. Stories range from men trying to steal her coat (and paying dearly) to lost children returned safely home on the back of a swan.
Tara doesn't think about it at first, the way gravity tends to cede to her, she doesn't notice how sunflowers turn their faces towards her instead of the sun. She doesn't notice the way her face...shifts. it's imperceptible really, and it's not like she looks in the mirror all that often. But everyone around her notices it, on some level, the way her expressions are off. A little too exaggerated. The way her limbs bend just a little too oddly. The way she never looks quite the same as she did the day before, the way she picks up features from the people around her the way she picks up rocks from ground to add to her collection. Clay molded subtly into the image of those she loves, a museum of everyone she's ever met. She does notice when her hair starts going white at the ends, the strange way her hair starts to curl unnaturally, almost floating. She's not so upset about her eyes, the deep blue of her father that has glared down at her day after day, she has changed her hair, her face, her language but she could not change her eyes. It seems she didn't have to, when she wakes up with one a little too silver to be gray and one a little too gold to be brown. And then her skin starts splitting, a cavern made from a broken rib and ravines made by the slashing of knives. She doesn't even bleed anymore, they never scab over. They crystallize, amber like ambrosia, like ichor. Her body a geode waiting to be cracked open to let the thing within finally break free.
They know the least about Grant, whatever he used to be. Half written scrolls, torn or burnt or simply stopped abruptly, illegible journal entries with symbols never recorded in any known language, half finished sketches where the details are never quite clear. A few things are usually consistent though, signs that he's been there, usually from hunters down on their luck or the particularly old and sickly. First, the howling. Like a wolf or a storm, although later accounts would add that it occasionally sounds like a mechanical whirring. Then the rabbits, dead and gutted, but not a trace of blood. Piles of them left in heaps on doorsteps or windowsills. Some have reported knocking at strange hours or finding teeth in their homes, a mix of human and animal. There is one photo on record, the most recent thing in the archive most likely, of claw marks on the side of a barn, too big and oddly serrated, certainly not from anything native to the area. Elderly that report these phenomena typically pass from heart problems within the week, according to some of the old medical files.
Grant came back wrong. Physically, at least. He knows that he's still himself for the most part, dying didn't make him a selfish asshole he did that all on his own, but...but something is wrong with him. It's the way lightbulbs flicker when he's mad and how cameras, no matter the quality, never quite get a clear shot of him. The way Joey can't ever grasp his features, not fully, the details slipping from his mind like water. The way eyes on his face slide right past, unable to look directly at him. It's in the gray spreading from his roots and his eyes too wide and dark to belong to something human. It's the way death clings to him like a second skin, sickly and pallid turning the tips of his fingers gray. His teeth are starting to feel too sharp for his mouth, and he hears things no one else does, whispers of voices that Are Not and Can't Be. The worst part is the orange, liquid candlelight under his skin, lighting up all of his veins and scars, webbing together like the world's worst game of connect the dots. No, there is no mistaking him for something human, so there is no reason to try. If this is his fate then he will take it, because he is not a sheep and he will not be a wolf, he is a hunter, and he is hungry.
#Jason as a Christ like figure is funny to me#Imagine growing up with a Catholic mother going to church praying for her health#and then you find out your soul predates the mf AND he plagiarized you 😒#that's more sad than funny but you get the picture#I also wanted them all to be represented by prey animals that are actually known for being really aggressive#like birds are typically seen as Docile but Shrikes are vicious assholes#and Swans which are coveted for their grace and beauty but are actually FERAL#it also marks Grant yet again as the odd one out by not giving him a bird#I gave him a rabbit because while I did consider a sheep it didn't work as well#Rabbits aren't dangerous to humans but they are aggressive to each other and won't hesitate if you push them#but they're also very sought after for hunting and as pets#I think Tara should have a very Changeling type vibe#y'know a little bit of fae energy#Grant is very much like a cryptid to me#cryptozoology is pretty new and people are still spreading stories about them#so it feels appropriate for a younger god to be associated with#there's also every chance he DID exist before the recorded records of him#but for some reason or other there's just less of him mentioned#Jason Tara and Grant have always been three after all#So what's obscuring Grant's mythology? fun little mystery 😉#dc#jason todd#tara markov#grant wilson#New All Caste au#also I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to Tara and fancy clothes for her#because she has SO MANY INTERESTING AESTHETICS#I also really like your skin cracking idea so I tried to individualize it a little 😊#Grant's did get kind of body horror though
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Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.
Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.
#da2#dragon age 2#sebastian vael#listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks#okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else#and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend...#that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't#it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more#even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline#whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke#i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.'#'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame#then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him#even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there#and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah#but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els#also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him#i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it#also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious#because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like...#i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like#an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks#i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power#and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai#and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think#i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him
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..
#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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its 4 am and well, im not doomscrolling but i have thoughts lol... i should turn them off and go back to sleep
#minhmy rambles#for the record right now im completely fine like. im not gonna let this stupid orange stop me#thankfully im relatively safe in my state and im so so glad for it but y'know. you never know#but yesterday i was busy w work and also loads of other things like Being Sick so didn't have the mental fortitude to keep up w everything#and i think its helped me like. im not gonna dwell on it. i shouldn't. yeah things Suck but id rather live my life day by day and Not/#self-destruct over it. and this is just me as well. ik everyone else is freaking out and you all have a right to. i just have to keep going#like its not me trying to be callous or y'know high and mighty for feeling better over it than others i don't wanna come off like that but.#i just feel safe here in hawaii things obvs still suck like i said and things can get worse esp for us but i feel safe here ill be ok#and i worry for my friends and everyone whose lives are impacted way more strongly than me and have a lot to worry about#like it could just be me being ignorant. or whatever. but i know everything is bad i just can't let it affect me rn#me rambling as if someones gonna read this and judge me so harshly...!!!#but its just the truth. im sad for everyone but i can keep going and so should you. i have so much to live for and if the only reason you/#have now is spite then you should do it. hey maybe someone will successfully kill the guy. instead of missing. but once these 4 years/#of hell are over we won't have him again. it might be even worse then#like in terms of presidential canididates. i know this. but its okay itll be okay#and i cant ask that ppl will adopt the same attitude as me lol i know im an outlier for sure but. its gonna be okay regardless#ill be okay despite being afab poc and Also autistic (ig i shouldn't look to getting a diagnosis yet which sucks..) but i'll Be Okay#and i hope everyone else will be too; in time.
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youtube
What if I just started sobbing
#1:42 is the worst thing to have ever happened to me#like jesus christ i know the brocedes drama was bad but i didn't think it was lewis picking neck pain over nico bad#wtf was going on behind the scenes there guys#like obviously yeah it wasn't okay but like ???????#thank god lewis goes to therapy now#thank god he goes to therapy in GENERAL considering the mess he's about to face w the tifosi#but seriously bro#neck pain over NICO????#what was going on there#you can't just say that#without a goddamn EXPLANATION#ok well yes you can#since y'know#blah blah self autonomy blah blah#but also#come ON#what about the DRAMA#also not finished w the vid yet (came here so i wouldn't forget to scream about brocedes) but#if they ask the title question and he doesn't pick chocolate#i#idk#tho then again he was like#weirdly toxic masc coded?#well no not really#but it was like he was TRYING to be#and like it mellowed out for sure#esp after the silver war and princess dress incident#but if you've seen that one interview in 2013ish where he's with nico on i think bbc you'll get what i mean#bro was trying SOOOO hard to appear as a very#uh
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@question-marked asked: “are you making fresh pasta?”
barton managed to barely hear eddie over the sound of two of his kids arguing in the background — who seemed to be jack and matilda, respectively, as he would soon call out to them using their names in his native tongue. but the fact remained that he had heard him and so after he essentially told them to ' get along ' in french, barton turned to face the other. he was currently kneading what looked to be some kind of dough with his hands, ❝ sorry, they've been unusually argumentative today with each other. you're going to have to excuse them. but yeah... lucky for you, you caught me right in the middle of making dinner. ❞
barton seemed to have some experience as he hadn't gotten any of the dough on his hands and it seemed to be quite close to having the right texture (not too dry, and not too wet). and truthfully, he did as the recipe he'd gotten for chicken alfredo from winslow? it called for homemade noodles so he figured he might as well try his hand at it. though barton still wasn't good at certain aspects of it, like actually rolling the dough through the pasta maker. a purposely overdramatic sigh left his lips then, ❝ ahh, but i'm really no good at rolling the dough through the pasta maker myself. if only there were someone here who could do it for me. ❞ he discretely looked over to edward afterward as if to say ' i'm totally not talking about you here, but also, i am. ' barton really didn't like to look like he wasn't an expert at things in the kitchen after all when he'd been cooking so long.
but this was only his second time making this, so he supposed it was more than reasonable for him to still struggle with it. barton stopped kneading the dough and looked at edward through squinted eyes as if analyzing him, ❝ i'm still a bit confused as to why you would come here when you're not injured. would you mind telling me again why you're here, considering i don't think you like me enough to be here simply for a social call? oh, and while you're doing that, could you also get me that dough cutter over there? thanks, ❞ a small unreadable smile ghosted across his features while he gestured towards the blade a little ways away from him. edward had honestly given him no reason to hate him, so as it stood, he felt rather ambivalent towards him. ❝ say, you aren't a vegetarian... right? because i'm making chicken alfredo. and enough to feed a small army, probably, so you can definitely have some. ❞
#question-marked#AHH thank you so much for the ask chrome!! i didn't want to make this too long so i made it as brief as possible BUT i am so excited to-#interact with you TBH (: i know that i still have another one-liner from you sitting in my inbox as well so i definitely will be getting to#that as well soon btw! i'm sorry about the wait i just find that i have to be in a certain mindset for whatever reason when i want to write#barton so that's why i haven't replied to it yet BUT i hope you like this response! and i honestly couldn't picture barton having a reason-#to dislike him right from the get-go which is always a good thing ofc though as you may know barton is the KING of judgers so i took this-#in a ' barton feels rather ambivalent towards eddie bc he doesn't really know enough about him / probably hasn't interacted with him much#to form a solid opinion of him ' approach. however i would say that barton is kinddd of leaning more towards being nice to him-#in this reply?? so we love that though i thought it would be good if i threw a little bit of humor in here to break up any potential#tension and idk why but barton being dramatic always make me laugh so yeahhh LOL man's is just chilling with eddie here y'know
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pixel cat's end i love you.
flight rising.... you're okay (joking, i love you too)
#gremlin blabs#i do love pce a little bit more tho#fr is... more stressful than pce#there's a lot of things you pretty much HAVE to do#where pce.... you don't really HAVE to do anything#you could go two weeks doing literally nothing at All on there and it'd be Fine.#no penalties. nothing you'd really miss unless snowmelt or leaf day was going on#you can take everything at your own pace and there is no punishment for taking as long as you need#but fr... you have to feed your dragons (i mean you don't HAVE to but. y'know.)#you have to refill your food stocks when they get low/run out#you have to gather so that you don't run out of food#if you don't feed your dragons... you lose out on the bonuses. which ultimately feels like a punishment#but at the end of the day i still love fr#i wouldn't still be here if i didn't/if it was too much#i've never been one to stick with petsites for long#before i joined fr i'd last... maybe a year or so on a petsite#then i'd always end up abandoning it#bc it'd be too much or i'd get too bored#i've been on fr for 7 and a half years.#and pce has been the only other one i've been able to stick with#especially since i have fr to worry about#i kept trying to add another one on but i would end up getting so overwhelmed and stressed#mostly because of the other petsite and not fr#because so many petsites are just.... so stressful tbh. even fr is pretty lax all things considered#compared to like. wolvden or wolfplay... it's so much easier.#with those petsites i never even made it to a year.#but pce is SO chill that i was able to add it no problem#and i have yet to drop it and i don't think i will#ofc it's only been like a year and a half#but still. that's generally longer than most petsites last
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i <3 2fort forever yay ^__^
#had so many fun interactions today and also learnt how to group taunt :3 baby's first kazotsky kick#i'm a pyro main usually but since everyone was fucking around i decided to switch to medic to see how it is and had not one but TWO heavies#call for me and then killbind/explode upon reaching a certain point. one of them even head an enemy intel and was a-posing the entire time#<a-posing and spinning! even#we got to the intel room and he just turned back. went upstrairs. started eating a banana and then killbinded. never change heavies i love#you. the other one did the go kart taunt and then tried to taunt kill me?? we were on the same team. well and then he exploded#i already mentioned pyro sewer party that was super cute :3 also like my first group interaction. special moment not to get cheesy#AND. and. yet another heavy with a wilson weave tried to teach me how to group taunt. like y'know. do the conga together#<i was convinced i couldn't do it since i didn't have it unlocked and stuff but i could!!! thank you heavy :]#i hope they was me eventually figure it out. had no way to check since they were on the enemy team and that doesn't display names#sorry about the wall of text i'm just!!!! well i just had a lot of fun :]#people also kept standing in those little towers? like y'know blu team player jumps on a red player and then a blu jumps on top of that one#and bam. tower right. there was also one pyro who had the minion fit AND the sign with a minion picture as well#i'll never get those people who make those 'strange people of 2fort videos' like the fuck you mean strange. they're so fun#GOSH. sorry about the wall of text again anyways um. download the game and play on 2fort ok? super fun
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Uhm
#I'm feeling like trash physically I really don't know what to do???#I have been struggling so much with eating recently but I thought it was normal because of the upcoming exam y'know?#Well yesterday I took the exam and yet the problem??? Didn't magically disappear like I thought??? And now I feel so betrayed??????#Yesterday I got takeaway at my favorite Chinese restaurant and that's a cup of noodles and eight dumplings#that's my usual order I always take‚ normally that's one meal#This time it took me?? Three meals to finish it??? Because after a while I just feel too nauseous to keep eating????????#So like. something is wrong™ but I really have no clue what it is or how to fix it...#Plus the entire day I've felt like crying for. no reason lmao. I'm literally crying right now and I have no idea why is that#I can't reason anything that is making me upset currently? So I'm there mentally looking at myself like *awkward monkey meme*#And my head hurts. Like something is wrong but I really can't tell what it is nnnggghhhh this is. not optimal#The worst part is that I feel so nauseous I can't imagine bringing myself to cook because cooking is already a tool alone#and now I'm also supposed to cook when I don't want to eat???? Like how can I convince myself to do that#But obviously I can't stop eating. Alas I STRUGGLE. The food in the fridge is going bad 😭😭😭#I made sure to change air in my room and I took a shower today so. I don't know what could be causing it really#Anyways if anyone can advice on eating when the thought of eating alone makes you feel nauseous I'll gratefully take it 😭😭#Not even snacks work btw I was eating nutella and pandoro and who wouldn't love nutella and pandoro#and yet I felt like gagging the whole time... Ugh#The actual worst part is that like this I don't have the strength to study but I really need to study for this huge exam the 14th#random rambles#eating disoder trigger warning#Why is that the recommend tag?? It's missing an r bestie????#eating disorder trigger warning#eating disorder tw#←← That makes it sound bigger than what it is please don't worry about me it's just a temporary issue!!#Using the tags just in case for blacklisting purposes
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VERSE: WHISKEY & NICOTINE ↪ modern.
he never liked the idea of retirement. he's estranged from the deadlock gang — but gun running was all he's ever known, aside from drinking and smoking. so he bought that shady biker bar at the end of 5th street and opened the high noon saloon.
a young colton cassidy is found strapped for cash after the passing of his father and late stage diagnosis of his mother's cancer — following in the footsteps of his main verse, he finds a quick fix in GUN RUNNING. he recruits a team and makes DEADLOCK a very well known name in the business throughout the american southwest. so it doesn't take long for the LAW to get word of a new player in the streets.
they're assigned to a task force specializing in dismantling nationwide gang operations, who watches him and the gang very closely over the next few years, compiling all evidence needed to greenlight a sting operation on what was believed to be the gang's headquarters.
it's considered successful at the time, after partially disbanding the team and taking the then 21 year old colton in for questioning and holding. impressed with skill and mental fortitude, as well as vast knowledge on their current subjects, they offer the kid an ULTIMATUM: join up or lock up.
he chooses the former.
he works on this specialized task force for a little over 10 years. they have their ups and downs, but they get by and get the job done. shortly after getting word of the resurrection of the DEADLOCK GANG, the team is hit hard — assumingly by the aforementioned gang.
the force crumbles — half dead, the rest severally injured, the team's disbanded. colton, having paid his dues, hits dirt and goes into hiding, roaming from town to town for the next several years.
as the heat finally dies down, an investment opportunity lands in his lap. an old, shoddy bar in a middle-of-nowhere town full of nobodies — perfect for a nobody with nowhere to be.
he buys the bar and rebrands as the HIGH NOON SALOON. with a little help from an old friend, bars, in the kitchen, the place is brought back to life, quickly drawing in the locals and travelers alike — and all the TROUBLE that comes with them...
#✯ — [ ʷʰᶤˢᵏᵉʸ & ᶰᶤᶜᵒᵗᶤᶰᵉ ] ⨯ modern#✯ — [ ᵃ ᵐᵃᶰ'ˢ ᵍᵒᵗᵗᵃ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ʳᵘˡᵉˢ ] ⨯ psa#this doesn't go in my psa tag#but i don't have one for detailed verse posts yet smh...#i've been messing around in modern a lot lately and i feel like it'd be a lot easier for some of y'all to interact in this verse than ovw.#i mean...it's very similar but#not.#it's also very flexible. i made this verse for ease of interaction with my non ovw mutuals so PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.#i can also tweak things to fit your verse from here#so if you have any thoughts or ideas when plotting with me please don't be shy#give me all of them. thank you.#but this is also open for my ovw mutuals. it's fun to mix things up a little bit sometimes.#and this gives more opportunity for that...simple domestic life stuff y'know —#i live for that shit.#but also i finally typed this up because i've had to explain it to like#three different people here lately and wouldn't it be easier if i just#had my shit together and sent y'all a link to this instead ?? idk.#anyway i've gotta go to the bf's concert here in a bit#but i'll be around later tonight for things i think.#i didn't proofread this —
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whilst putting the big books back on the shelf, I stumbled across a book of photographs from the collections of a particular photographer from where I live. ignoring the fact that the compilers didn’t know how to date photographs (like did they REALLY think a picture with a horse-drawn taxi and women in lingerie dresses were from the 1930s???) and I found a picture of one of the old k-class garratts on the north-east dundas tramway. love that
#the 'knows a little about historical fashion' in me knows that there were quite a few misdated pictures in it#and I think it's because they might've been developed at a later time or reprinted at a later time#because they had perfectly 1917 era fashion in a picture dated 1917.#but yeah like not until the popularisation of mobile phones and the internet did we here have the same fashion as on the mainland#yet alone the fashions coming out of the uk and america#so give about two or maybe even three years before things come and go out of style and maybe more for that since you didn't chuck#an old dress once it became unfashionable you'd usually alter it to be fashionable again#but like. for a regatta you'd want to wear your best. that's usually more up-to-date than say your not-leaving-the-house-today dress#and this picture was dated 1920s. meaning that it's likely later than 1920 on the dot which if it were I could see#but honestly every single lady in that picture was wearing a white dress and the ones you could see had a coloured belt#not that you could tell since. black and white.#and the hat styles said what#I looked it up to double-check and those hats matched mid-1900s perfectly AND SO DID THE MEN'S HATS#so I'd say... late 1900s? maybe even 1910 or 11? y'know. A DECADE EARLIER?#like come on you were paid to write this book#and dear fucking god the picture I mentioned in the post body. dates 1930s. it probably was taken around 1909 when that building was new#it couldn't be after 1911 for reasons that would be obvious if you know a little about where I live#and it's really only on these few photographs. and I know it was 1987 so they couldn't like. google the fashion era or anything#which tbh is the best bet at dating this stuff because looking up online stuff about where I live is. tricky#like c'mon I wanna look up creepy little-known stuff about where I live. I don't wanna rely on a seemingly abandoned wordpress page
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So, I’m pulling out a piece for a ‘last line’ and just going over them, picking out a thing I like, right? One of the last edited ones from nano. Getting all curious and such about them, reading further back. And there’s one thing I’ve noticed after bouncing between the same few wips for Nano -
There’s always a Nathan.
Why are there so many Nathans?
#writing#for further context - I have something of a rule to keep the name to one or two uses#two is the maximum and then we throw it in the bin. Look elsewhere for a character#because I genuinely just have way too many and a lot of wips don't even HAVE names#so I'll just call it something like 'mycin'#or 'flynn and marco'#or 'henrietta'#to get an idea of which wip I'm referring to when I make notes in my chaos file and go back to sort things out do the whole wip thing later#three has happened before but I ended up changing out one of their names#then becoming immensely confused because I left myself a note mid-way into the file and didn't change the rest in the drafts#and y'know. lost the name and who the heck that one dude is with the new name but THEN who THAT one is with the old name#and for Nathan -#I have five nathans#and I'm not sure about the ones that I have yet to find#I'm just... it's like KEVIN all over again#can't think of a name? KEVIN#boy character? KEVIN#girl character? KEVIN#whatever character? You guessed it - KEVIN#I overran myself with Kevins when I was sixteen and genuinely forgot other names existed. everyone was kevin#and slowly but surely the nathan's are growing and I am fearful about what they're aspiring to do as more continue to join their ranks
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I might have said it before but I do like how in Pokémon Horizons Ikue Ohtani isn't just playing Pikachu with a hat on. Captain Pikachu has a distinct voice with gruffer tones than OG Pikachu, and it's generally more serious and less playful. Captain Pikachu doesn't fuck around.
#horizons has moments I really enjoy#but it doesn't do quite enough with its cast of human characters#it's unusual for a Pokémon series to have so many adults in the main cast and I like the crew of the Brave Olivine#and their dynamic with each other and the kids is interesting and fun!#there's a moment in the current episode where Old Man Ludlow pulls off something unexpectedly cool and action-packed#and Roy excitedly shouts out 'You rule‚ Ludlow!'#just little interactions like that - like now Roy thinks Ludlow is really cool - which could be followed up more#there was a very curry-focused episode which was also looking at the friendship between Liko and Dot#I want to know more about the relationship between Murdock and Dot - she's his niece and lives with him but wouldn't talk to him for months#Dot's such an odd duck and her voice actress' performance is really deft and funny (as is Murdock's)#I would like it if they interacted more - like Murdock seems really eager to have a proper close relationship with her but is afraid to pus#Murdock is such a warm and caring character#also they really fumbled the opportunity I thought they were going for - I thought Mollie was going to be a Nurse Joy who didn't want to be#she changed her hairstyle and her name and her demeanour but still ended up being a nurse to Pokémon just on a ship instead of in a Center#I think my problem here is that Pokémon Horizons has all the set-up and characters to be a slice-of-life sitcom *with Pokémon*#which would be really fun and I gather something like what Pokémon Concierge is doing but I haven't really watched that yet#but it's more focused on - y'know - Pokémon and a quest storyline that's honestly a bit limp#there's a HUGE Quirky Miniboss Squad and for what? they're not even getting defeated!#they're not really getting time to shine individually either#I want it to be a different type of show than it is trying to be I guess
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(at the verge of deep sleep) wouldn't it be fucked up if both teo and peka bonded over the idea of being hlev. Wouldn't it be fucked if both were jealous of him as he was a living incarnation of their desires. Wouldn't it be fucked that while teo decided to step in and take from him and ultimately finally get control over her life again as she understood the wake-up call, peka stagnates and just decided to take it all over in an attempt to feel fulfilled
Would that be fucked up or what
#perceptive little crow#<- barely lucid#anyways <3#ok btw not necessarily be /be/ him. more so have what he has. be in his situation#which. at the time of reading this may be just...boundless? or at least without real restrain#and that manifests in different ways#for teo it'd be like. oh you're actually enjoying what you do. yes the goal is highly satisfying. but the road itself was enjoyable as well#i wish i could have that#while peka is like. well. y'know#you are the future i never got. a future i deserved yet didn't own#you're the living example of the one who failed me. who failed you#and yet you find joy. you don't feel the strings. you're the protagonist yet you feel like a living being#and they realize oh hey. we both have very complicated feelings about this guy. yay#I'll go to bed now
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