#y'all can choose which
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So Much I Miss You
I miss you, even when you have not entered my life, I still miss you.
Guess what? We’re doing Mamamoo’s song this time. This is one of my faves from them and I feel like it would be great to do a reading based on it. I mean… I have not done PACs for quite a long time and am finally back a bit! Will proceed to do the rest but am suddenly in the mood to do a love reading so uhhh… Yeah…
Anyways, we all know the drill. Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: “Who is this potential romantic partner that has not entered into your life?” Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.
Pile 1 - Pile 2
Pile 3 - Pile 4
Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.
Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Kawaii Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.
Pile 1:
Card of querent: The Chariot
I feel that you’re the type of person who’d be on your toes, knowing where you want to go and how you want to achieve. Constantly moving, constantly pushing yourself to grow. It feels like you’ve been letting the waves bring you along because you were tired or lost. But now you’re on land and you feel like you’re in your element, and now you’re riding the Chariot and redirecting your life to where you want to go, which kinda explains why you can be slightly gungho and excited, sometimes others may even view you as aggressive.
1. What type of relationship will we have? - Nine of Cups
I would say that the relationship is very fulfilling, something like a dream come true. I wouldn’t paint it in a fantasy, love story, happily forever kinda way tho. It’s like… There’s some sort of relief, that you finally met the other person and the other person finally has you in their arms. This person is someone who you’d consider having a marriage with, where you want to be together with them. The emotional fulfilment is very strong and there’s some sort of pampering with each other there.
2. How will I meet them? - The Fool rx
I feel that you will meet them when you’re not really ready for a romantic relationship. You’ll be focused on doing other things and have no time for love, but they’ll just appear there and for some reason, I feel that you may even want to push them away. There may be a conflict between your heart and mind, where your heart doesn’t want to fall for this person, but your brain is telling you that this is a suitable person to have a relationship with. There’s an oracle card here, Love, for you, allowing your heart to open to love as it manifests into the world.
3. What type of person are they? - The Magician rx
This person… I feel like there’s a lot in their head and they don’t really verbally express their thoughts. They may find it… Embarrassing? Like… They want to be pampered but they don’t think they deserve to ask but still they have that thought and the cycle goes on. Self-doubt and cloudiness in their mind as well. Tho I do not doubt the passion they have for you and the relationship you both share. They probably have some Fifth House placement as well.
4. How will I feel about them? - Five of Cups
I feel like… There’s gonna be some not so happy emotions here. It feels like your person will be coming at a time when you’re not feeling like yourself, and you’re not able to really… Enjoy and let yourself be free to accept your person. It’s like you want this person, but whatever situation you’re in is not helping you and you’re burdened with a lot of things, to the point that romantic love is at the back of your head. I think you might even have put interpersonal relationships aside to deal with whatever that’s happening to you. You know you have manifested them into your life and as much as you wanna appreciate them, you were unable to do so full-heartedly.
5. How will they feel about me? - Ten of Wands
Somehow I feel that they may feel tired. It’s like… They’ve tried to be by your side but things don’t seem like they’re working out. They might even feel like they’ve been taken advantage of. Tho I’m seeing this as temporary. Cuz feeling about it is one thing and understanding it is different. They understand that you’re going through hard times and they are determined to walk through this path with you. They may feel upset and all but they kinda put responsibility as their priority.
But also, one thing I’m seeing is that they know that this is a period of transition and both of you are moving from the old to the new. Which is why they stand strong and stay in this relationship.
6. Our future together, what will they want from the relationship, etc. - Knight of Cups, Three of Cups, Nine of Pentacles
I’m seeing that they would want to build a future together, want the both of you to grow together, in wealth and in emotional fulfilment. I’m somehow picking up that either one of you, or maybe the both of you have been through not so nice childhood, which makes you crave for the emotional fulfilment, for the fairytale romance that’s always shown in the movies. It may sound too naive but I’m seeing that both of you will work towards that goal, wanting the love you both share to be as magical as it seems. And to achieve that, one will need a certain level of financial independence as well as abundance. You two fill in the missing pieces within each other and complete them, contributing equally in this relationship.
The relationship may start with some sort of mystery, but as you grow together, you explore the various aspects of a romantic relationship, finding which love language the other person responds to. I’m seeing that both of you will set some sort of goals and maybe visioning how the relationship will flourish. Love is an open door, and you can just step into the happiness that you’re meant to receive. They would want to wear happiness on your face and show you off to the whole world.
Overall energy: The Star, Page of Cups rx
I have to say something. Tho the cards may not look… good, I feel that the overall vibe and energy for the reading isn’t bad. Like… It shows the ups and downs of the relationship, and not everything has a fairytale ending. I feel that this is the combination of The Star and Page of Cups rx, where the reality is painted here. You two will need to work with your dreams and spirit’s energy to reach your highest good, and to know what’s the best for you. There’s a lot of transits I’m seeing, where you two progress and learn, tho there are times that y’all are content with where you are right now.
A reminder: this reading is not for your future spouse, but for a potential romantic partner who’s gonna enter into your life. So it’s perfectly alright if you do not resonate with this reading.
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Pile 2:
Card of querent: The Tower rx
First thought I’m getting is that you’ve been through A Lot. Each of us have been through a bunch of ups and downs in life, but what you’ve gone through is much more… Heavier than the rest. There’s a certain sadness, coldness, helplessness that you’ve experienced, which have affected your life in ways that you can’t explain. I’m seeing a lot of hysterical screaming and crying as well. This card being here is like… A message. A message to you that it’s not your fault that things have happened, that things have to be broken down only then it can be rebuilt.
1. What type of relationship will we have? - Ten of Swords rx
I’m seeing that this relationship that you guys will be sharing is something… Healing. I see this healing will be more towards a mental and emotional healing instead of a spiritual one. It feels like all the knives that are sticking at your back (you prolly may have been backstabbed by people you’ve trusted, and for some reasons I’m thinking it’s friends rather than lovers) are being pulled out, the wounds cleaned and treated. This relationship will give you the time, space and energy to heal, where they create and introduce peace, prosperity and joy in your life.
2. How will I meet them? - The Empress rx
I feel that you’ll meet them when you’re not feeling yourself. You have a lot of things going on in your life, and for some reason you’ll not see them as a potential romantic partner. It probably may be due to the betrayals you’ve just experienced and hence, losing faith in most things. Most, not all. Which made you put a distance between them and you. I have a feeling that you’ll also focus more on yourself and stop being self-sacrificial during those times, keeping things to yourself. A very introverted energy compared to how you usually are.
3. What type of person are they? - Eight of Swords rx
They prolly will be your type of person lol. They find solutions to problems and they give me the feeling that they’re capable of guiding you through your problems. You not only find a lover in them, but also a friend, a guide, someone who walks beside you and is ready to help you. I see that they’re also someone who will help you out from all and everything that’s restricting you, especially your past beliefs that have been pushed onto you ever since your childhood. They’re open minded, but not freely open kinda thing? They’re willing to try certain things up to a certain level, but still will opt for the safer option or something that they’re more used to. Like… Taking calculated risk but only for a period that they deem safe. Kinda thing. Comfort is a thing for them. Weirdly I’m feeling Taurus vibes lol.
4. How will I feel about them? - Queen of Wands
You will be attracted by their confidence and courage, a soft and graceful maturity that comes from it. I somehow see a soft glow that’s warm, like the dawn instead of an afternoon bright gaze kinda thing. I see that you may be an introvert and they would probably be slightly extroverted than you. Just… Slightly. Lol. But they are capable of socialising. Very good interpersonal skills, observant and can capture your thoughts easily. It feels like they’re someone who you want to be? With those skills and charisma. It’s like they’re a dream that you wanna achieve, and you find inspiration from them and thrive to improve yourself better.
5. How will they feel about me? - Knight of Swords rx
I’m seeing that they are observant of you and are able to zoom in to the quiet power you hold, being firm with whatever beliefs you hold. Not to go uhhhh NSFW but I feel like they may feel morally challenged with you at times? They may be interested in some risque acts in places that don’t seem to be appropriate. They wanna try a lot of things with you, but will not push it when you say no. I’m also seeing some dominance here? They may also wanna feel that rush of adrenaline in the sense of “conquering” you. I hope I’m making sense with my words here.
6. Our future together, what will they want from the relationship, etc. - Knight of Wands, Four of Wands rx
They’ll want to go on adventures with you, grow with you and experience a lot of new and old things together. I’m seeing some travelling through memory lane kinda thing? Where you two constantly revisit certain comfort memories. You two may go on spontaneous trips together when you two are feeling like it, and you two complement each other’s energies well, working with one another’s dreams to reach the highest good of you two. Sometimes, you two may have some differing opinions, but you guys are able to look at things from different perspectives, from outside the box, and figure out how to solve the problems together. Tho not gonna lie, you two may have some over-spending from all those spontaneous trips, and will learn the lessons together. Whatever difficulties you two experience will make you two grow stronger, connecting your dreams to the next. Whatever tears you have right now will teach you the importance and preciousness of happiness, making you find the reason to live and love.
Overall energy:The Emperor, Six of Wands
The Emperor here gives me the “conquering” kinda feeling. It’s giving me the vibe that this person isn’t as harmless as they appear to be. But they’re proud of you, and you’re proud of them as well. There’s also some form of glow up from this relationship as well, where you improve yourself so that you can stand on equal grounds with the other person, but they’re also doing the same for you. I’m also seeing a lot of attraction and there’s some sort of fulfilment that you two find in each other. It’s like,,, you two are meant to be, that it’s natural that you two end up together, like it’s common sense. For some reason I’m also seeing love letters? So maybe one of you may have words of affirmation as your top love language.
A reminder: this reading is not for your future spouse, but for a potential romantic partner who’s gonna enter into your life. So it’s perfectly alright if you do not resonate with this reading.
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Pile 3:
Card of querent: The Devil
First thought I’m getting here is Lilith in 1H kinda vibe. You know who you are, and there’s some devilish charm that you put to great use. Badass, sexy, sultry, seducing vibes. You pay close attention to your heart and mind, not allowing fear to distract you (cues Lesserafim’s I’m Fearless). Straightforward, not hiding, out under the sun and making things your way. You know your cards and you play them well, mainly to protect yourself. But remember, some mischief of yours can accidentally cause a fire so please exercise caution.
1. What type of relationship will we have? - Seven of Wands
There’s some sort of challenge I’m seeing here? Where you challenge each other and push each other to be better. But unlike Pile 2, this “better” is like… To be able to win against the other person. You two prolly have some form of conflict or competition going on. Highkey giving me enemies to lovers kinda energy. You two also persevere through the waves, where you two protect each other when someone wants to come in between you two. It’s like… “I’m the only one that’s allowed to win against them,” kinda energy, protective yet fiery.
2. How will I meet them? - Five of Cups rx
You’ll be meeting them when you’ve forgiven yourself and move on from whatever that’s been hurting you. This hurt is something that has been running deep in you and you’ve been held back by it, focusing on something else in order to forget the pain and disappointment that you’ve experienced. The reason for this pain is cuz this is something that has been running in your roots, something in your family that has affected you and has made you change your perspective of the meaning of Family. Perhaps there’s some form of betrayal?
3. What type of person are they? - The Lovers rx
The Lovers rx really gives me the enemies to lovers vibe. A chance that this relationship can begin is that they’re not a typical lover. They’ve seen you at your worst, at your lowest, and know what your anger is like. And probably knows that you two complement each other’s goods and flaws. They accept who they are and their feelings for you, being open to new possibilities and welcoming new beginnings, especially new beginnings with you. They may be hard on you during the enemies phase, but once they’re in a relationship with you, they will not hesitate to pamper you.
4. How will I feel about them? - Queen of Pentacles rx
You’ll actually admire them with how they hold themselves, how they put themselves as their first priority. Some people may think of them as ruthless, self-centred, and for some reason I’m also picking up that some will also see your person as someone who’s unwilling to socialise. You may also think so at first. But as time passes, you’ll notice that the so-called self-centred is just them not willing to compromise as it will harm themselves and their loved ones; unwilling to socialise is cuz those kinda socialisation is energy draining; ruthless is just because they stand on their ground to fight for their own rights. You’ll slowly notice the quiet energy they have and how they don’t care about being misunderstood, which slowly draws you in, feeling secure having them by your side, supporting you.
5. How will they feel about me? - The Moon
There are a few words I’m picking up from here: mysterious, emotional, bubbly, charming, lovely. They find you charming and adorable, loving how you surround yourself with a certain mystery that is not… Attacking? Lemme try rephrasing myself. There are some mysteries that throw yourself into danger or unpleasant feelings when you try to uncover them. But not you. Your mystery is like a gift to be unboxed, allowing the bubbly and loving side of yours to be shown. They will also notice your emotional outburst is because you were wronged or justice was not on your side, and I’m seeing that they’ll be hella protective over you. You two may also share a past without y’all knowing about it. Maybe you two met before when you guys were kids? Or maybe a past life as well. They’ll find this nostalgia with you when they’re with you.
6. Our future together, what will they want from the relationship, etc. - Five of Swords rx, The Chariot, The High Priestess
I’m seeing that you guys may want to put down the swords, the fights, and to love you like the typical romantic partners. Y’know, instead of all the teasing and challenging and sometimes wanting to fist fight the other person, they wanna bring you out on dates and have fancy dinners and maybe go on a ferris wheel and kiss you kinda thing. It may sound cliche but they want to pamper you, to answer to your love languages. They appreciate you for who you are and enjoy being with you when you’re being yourself, being comfortable in your own skin.
I’m also seeing that they have every intention to pursue this relationship with you, and prolly at a rather quick pace. There’s something that will trigger in them, letting them know that you’re the person that they wanna be with for the rest of their life, wanting you to be in their future plans as well. That’s when they start to push for the relationship and to marry you in the future. You may not know but their feelings for you are real and they love you more than you think it is. Unlike the other piles, I’m seeing there’s a marriage happening for this pile.
Overall energy: The Star, Justice rx
This reading gives me a warm, fun and honestly, fanfic kinda energy. You two shine bright in each other’s eyes, which kinda lights up the competitive streak in you two. But once you’ve gotten together, you guys will be siding with each other. It’s like us against the world kinda energy. You two are down for anything the other person wants to do, no matter how… Not good it can be. The passion for individual wins evolved into a passion for winning together, and this transition happens smoothly. You guys spend no time being confused, or questioning if this relationship will work. They’ll remember whatever promises they’ve made with you and will follow you wherever you wanna go.
A reminder: this reading is not for your future spouse, but for a potential romantic partner who’s gonna enter into your life. So it’s perfectly alright if you do not resonate with this reading.
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Pile 4:
Card of querent: Justice rx
First question that I wanna ask you is that have you been treating yourself right? Been feeding yourself good food, staying hydrated, having enough rest? Cuz it feels like you’re not doing justice to yourself. You’re prolly in a burnout as well with you trying to focus on others instead of your own priority. Alternatively, you may also be facing some injustice yourself, where others took your credit and put the blame on you. Tho I’m seeing more of you not treating yourself right, or have been self-sabotaging. There’s also a chance of you not willing to take the best course of action. But whatever that you do, it’s causing you distress and you feel like you’re unable to find a way out.
1. What type of relationship will we have? - Seven of Pentacles
You guys will have a solid, grounded and fruitful relationship. You’ll put in the effort and work hard together to achieve what you aim. I feel that you two will know the importance of working the relationship together, knowing that the effort put in equates to the strength of the bond in relationships. Like,,, you guys do not take things for granted, and will learn that love is not just words but actions, and caring for someone is much better when you do things instead of like… Having empty words. The passion is there, but there’s an earthly, practical sense to it as well.
2. How will I meet them? - Ten of Cups
One funny thing about this was that when the card fell out, it was in reverse. But when I took it and placed it on the uhhh… Place where it’s supposed to be (spread and all), I placed it upright. And it felt right, so I went along with it.
With all that happened, it felt like the timing was right for things to happen. You’ve experienced unhappy times (and uhhhhh it’s VERY unhappy times), yet you still grit through them. It was difficult, but you decided to make changes and twisted your fate, being in content with yourself and your found family. And because of that, you were able to welcome this new person into your life as you were in a better place to manifest your dreams and desires (aka them, and other things, of course).
3. What type of person are they? - Nine of Cups rx
I feel that they’re someone who won’t be satisfied easily. They have a direction they want to head to but no final destination, which in a sense, means that they’ll constantly want more, constantly aim for more. For example, they’ve already gotten the job they wanted, then they’ll slowly climb the ladders, wanting to earn more. Firstly, they wanted to be able to afford a new phone, then a new car, then a new house. It’s like their goals keep growing and hence they need to continue improving themselves, not gonna stay satisfied wherever they are. I’m also seeing this in a sense in y’all’s relationship? But they’re more harsh towards themselves, feeling like they’re not doing enough, not loving you enough.
4. How will I feel about them? - Six of Swords rx
You may feel overwhelmed and have some trouble walking away from it. There’s a certain mystery in them that lure you in, probably there’s some eighth house synastry between you two, and that draws you in. I’m not sure what had happened, but there definitely was a time where you wanted to walk away from them, believing that you’re not suitable for them. Which… Actually isn’t. But yeah, with this, you may also feel some sort of inferiority with them, tho that’s not the case with them.
5. How will they feel about me? - Eight of Cups
You’re someone different, someone special who came into their life. They were walking away from things that have been tying them down, and they were afraid to have you in their life, tbh. They were afraid that they’d hold you down, weigh you down with whatever that’s happening with them. But despite the fear, they still want to welcome you into their life, inviting the magical you since you showed up and they took it as a sign that you’re meant to be with them. I’m seeing there’s some form of walking away from trauma together.
6. Our future together, what will they want from the relationship, etc. - Knight of Wands rx, Five of Swords, Ten of Swords rx
Honestly, there’s a lot of fighting energy, a lot of conflict I’m seeing here. However, I don’t feel that there’s anger. The conflict is mainly due to impulsivity and fear. Lemme try to illustrate it.. Uhhh… For example, you’ve gotten into this relationship for like three months and you’ve already wanted to live with them, which you do. However, you guys barely know each other and you realise that the quirks they have frustrates you. Like, they do their share of housework but the way they do it just makes you oof. And as you continue living with them, you notice the differences you have in thinking. It’s like you two are from two different worlds and have different ways and views on how the world works.
You guys can feel defeated by everything that’s happening, but if it’s resolved well and healthy boundaries are placed, the future will be a comfortable one. Sometimes, you’ll need to fight for your love, fight the expectations and filters of love that you’ve had, face the reality, and believe that there’s no fixed definition of love. It’s an open question and you’ll need to figure out which works for you, and what works in this relationship you share with them. I’m seeing that if all goes well, the future between you two will be very down-to-earth and realistic.
Overall energy: Death, Six of Wands
There’s pain, change and rebirth I’m seeing here. I think the Death card really symbolises the various changes and transformation you’ll experience in this possible upcoming relationship, and that you guys can come out victorious as long as you guys put in the effort. I feel like the word “effort” appeared a lot in your pile. No matter what happens, know that you both are divinely guided, and that your intuition will show you the way. It feels like a lot of challenges will be coming for you guys, but as long as you guys are constant with the effort to put things together, you guys will be fine. It’s alright to remain as who you are right now, because the you right now will grow up to tackle the problems at said time.
A reminder: this reading is not for your future spouse, but for a potential romantic partner who’s gonna enter into your life. So it’s perfectly alright if you do not resonate with this reading.
#tuliptic#🌷#pick a card#pick a pile#pick a picture#tarot reading#general tarot reading#i have a feeling that most won't feel resonated tbh#it's like... here for a very specific group of audience#but still i wanted to do it#i felt like i have not done a PAC in a very long time and am suddenly in the mood to do something... romance related#romance related but not FS#and this is only POTENTIAL partner#remember: we are all in charge of our own lives#which means we can choose who we wanna be#who we wanna be with#happy cancer season btw#and happy pride#see y'all when i do another PAC again#hopefully soon
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more!! again!! for the nico after blood of olympus fic!! actually I thought of this while writing the last one but I just finished it.
His elbows buckle and he lets himself fall into Will, snorting at his theatrical groan under the weight. They lay there for a second until Will shoves him gently, and Nico lets him manoeuvre them into a more comfortable position.
"Hi," he whispers, moving a curl away from his cheek. The greenish tint of the loft window casts a weird shadow over Will's face.
"Hey yourself," Will murmurs back, winking.
Nico rolls his eyes. "You look like Apollo when you do that. Please stop." Will squawks in protest.
"I do not! Also, since when do you remember what Apollo looks like? Actually, no, don't answer that, you can't bring up my dad while we're in bed, Nico, why would you do this to me?"
Now it's Nico's turn to sputter and whack Will in the chest - getting another dramatic oof and a laugh in return - before turning around to face Hazel's bed. He's not sure when he'll ever be able to sleep facing the wall. Will can't do it either.
As Will's arms curl around his waist and draw him back against him, just like they did back in the infirmary that one day, he thinks maybe he'd be okay trying that with him sometime. One day, in a house with gates, no longer wary of monsters.
Will noses the back of his neck, causing him to twitch. "What is it?"
Will's answering smile presses through the rough cotton of his t-shirt. "Nothing, sunshine."
Nico frowns under the covers. "Hey, what do you think of houses with gates?" He whispers.
"Gates? Well, it'd be safer, I guess, but we'd lose the neighbours coming over -"
"As if you want to see random people at the door anyway. What if they're monsters?"
"Oh, come on, darlin', I'm from Austin. Of course I gotta keep space for the neighbours to come knocking."
"…Fences? Actually, hey, why'd you assume I was talking about us? Obviously - Obviously I was talking about random. Random houses. For architecture reasons."
Will muffles his laugh into the back of his neck, again. "Oh, my bad. And I'm only here because you ripped a stitch on the lava wall yesterday."
Nico feels his ears warm.
"Shut up."
"I didn't say anything."
"..Still."
Will reels him in closer until his back hits his chest and he can press a soft peck to Nico's still-red ears. "I think a fence is a great idea, by the way. We could ask Hazel for help with some ward stones too, like you have in the cabin. Gotta make sure we've got at least one window and standing space in every direction, though, or at least in the east, because you know my dad would sulk if he didn't get to scream me awake in the morning."
Nico's blush gets worse.
"Now who's talking about your dad in bed?" He gives up on pretending. Will sees him through every time, anyway. "Also, shrines, obviously, and we need a spot to stargaze."
"Yeah, shrines, obviously. Maybe just yours, mine, and Lady Hestia's though, or else everyone else is gonna get pissy."
Nico barks out a laugh like it's shocked out of him. "Pissy? Don't let them hear you say that."
Will holds him tighter and settles against the pillows. "Sure thing, sunshine. Now can we sleep?"
"Yeah, yeah."
It's not long after that that Will's breath evens out behind him, his muscles untensing. Nico knows he's got a few minutes yet, so he thinks.
Today was…. good.
Today was nice. Normal, even. Just a day of camp schedules, working in the infirmary, an admittedly short campfire, and this. No monsters, and no mistakes. No deaths, but..
Unbidden, the moments in the infirmary come to mind. He thinks of helping Will scrub in for his one surgery of the day, a kid that had gotten parts of an arrow stuck in their leg a week ago and hadn't noticed til yesterday. He thinks of yesterday during capture-the-flag, stepping in and desperately trying to copy what he'd watched Will do, because Lydia was hanging crooked from a tree and there was no one else around but him-
He thinks of Patroclus tying the straps of Achilles' armour, watching his lover sleep peacefully. He thinks of what Connor had told him about at the campfire weeks ago, of Silena Beauregard taking on a drakon when Clarisse declared the Ares Cabin wouldn't be fighting.
He thinks he might understand.
Lydia wasn't the same (thank the gods), but if there was something to be done that only Will could do right, yet couldn't, and the only way Nico could take up his mantle would be to die trying - then, yeah. He'd do whatever it would take for these kids. To do what Will would do. He's gone to Tartarus already, hasn't he? At worst, he'd try his best and greet his father early if he failed to survive. Nico could even give Charon a tip on the way in for the hell of it, why not?
If there is a luxury that comes from being a child of Hades, after all, it is that dying is not the thing that scares him.
There's a brazier still lit outside the window. Its glow falls in slits across their bed.
Will grumbles, pushing his feet forward until their ankles are wound together. The sheets shift.
Nico smiles into the dark, into the chirping of crickets and the soft glow of the fireflies out the window, and falls asleep.
more for this fic:
scene 0 - prologue-ish scene 1 - the library of social awkwardness or here (or in my heart, 'kidney function is not a right, it's a privilege' lol)
general writing directory
also lmk if you want more lore. I am so down to talk about this fic + the worldbuilding ideas I have for it in the notes it is unreal
#writing process#nico di angelo trying to make friends#when the characters start doing their own thing and you're just along for the ride#would y'all help me choose a fic title if I asked?#will solace#toying with a chb fic about nico and grief and what three days in the infirmary actually looks like#plus my healthy nico agenda and a healthy dose of solangelo obv#nico di angelo#riordanverse#pjo fic#worldbuilding my beloved#they're teenagers your honour#I loved writing this scene TT#maybe a timeskip idk#solangelo#solangelo fic#pjo#hmmmmMMMMMMM you tell me which cabin lydia is from#she's like less than 14#lydia morrin is a young sweet spunky child that thinks she's a genius (like we all did) with a companion lack-of-confidence a mile wide#gotta say i am LOVING this new writing technique i am trying out with just writing scenes as I go#and creating this story trail I can actually trace and work with bc i have smth on the page now#like just from this I already have three more scenes I could write and I love it#thw you're writing and the sentences sounds a bit off grammatically but every other option you can see is so much worse
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im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character
#bad writing is still canon unfortunately#the place where i absolutely draw the line is gallavich being verse don't fucking piss me off @shameless writers#unfortunately your fav characters did do and say those bad things..... and to ignore that is too fundamentally misunderstand their character#how can you love a person when you choose to be blind to who they are </3#this isn't directed toward anybody y'all are just being very dramatic lately and really i think we should remember that tv shows aren't real#i can recognize when someone is caused by bad writing but i still have to accept that it's a real thing that happened#like. do i find shameless entertaining? YES! is it well written? FUCK NO#it's actually fundamentally a bad show in many ways. but that's WHY i enjoy discussing it#it's why my hyperfixation hasn't died down. because theres just SO MUCH to pick apart and interpret and discuss!#it's actually so bad at times i blocked it out of my memory!#but if i believe something isn't canon or *shouldn't be canon* (HUGE difference between those 2 things)#then i should explain why i think that. and i also need to accept that others disagree#but if you say everything you don't like is just ooc bad writing and therefore not real to canon then#....lol what are you even doing here#like. we should be rallying against the writers for being actively racist homophobic transphobic fatphobic ableist etc#yet we're sitting here with our thumbs up our asses fighting about which character fanclub is the most oppressed#WHO CARESSSSS JOHN WELLS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT US IT TRULY ISN'T WORTH WASTING YOUR BREATH OVER#i just want to read about 2 toxic kinky boys kissing idk#let me say this tho! hardcore fiona stans you gotta be the most out of touch people on planet earth!#okay goodnight everypony#wall of text in the tags#a.txt
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feel free to ignore if this is too personal a question, but i’m curious- what does the username cilil mean / why did you choose it?
Heh! Good question, anon, I'm actually surprised nobody asked that yet (not on here at least), so let me tell you a fun little story.
cilil - or Cílil, if we want to be grammatically correct - is technically just that: A name. It's Sindarin and means "renewal" (cîl - renewal plus feminine suffix -il).
Since I know some have been wondering about this, I want to take the opportunity to add that Sindarin c is always pronounced [k], so it's "kilil", not church Latin style "silil"; though don't worry about it, since it's just my username and the latter version sounds like "seal-il" I don't get my panties in a twist about it or anything :D
I made the name Cílil many years ago, years before I showed up here or talked to anyone in the Tolkien fandom. It was supposed to be given to a Maia who is wandering Middle-earth on her own to experience life and be part of creation, unaligned with both the good and evil Ainur - just on her own and serving no Vala.
At the time, however, I didn't really "do the OC thing" - not trying to be shady or act like I'm "better" of course, I've grown to love OCs, have a few of my own and support them, as you all know. It was just what my modus operandi and level of comfort was at the time; I still had cringe culture to kill, plus being in other fandoms and whatnot, so the idea was shelved for the time being.
Then, years later, I came back to the Silmarillion fandom and it suddenly occurred to me that the username(s) I was using at the time were rather specific to my old fandom that I wished to leave behind. To make matters worse, I had just joined a Discord server and was now sitting in front of my laptop, mildly panicking like "girl think quickly now and rename yourself before people know you under a name you no longer want".
Cílil was the first that came to mind. And I liked it - not just the sound of it, but also because it was so fitting. Renewal. That was exactly what I was doing. Closing a chapter, going somewhere else, beginning a new one, starting from scratch (most notably this blog). It was poetic in a way. And so I took it. Just put it in lower case because I liked that aesthetically and some sites like Tumblr and AO3 don't allow the í, so there.
As for the Maia whose name I stole, I also kind of stole the whole persona to turn it into a sort of bit for me to play, this funny little meta side joke that I am a Maia who's hanging out with the mortals in Middle-earth and spilling all the tea and sharing all the stories I collected over the years. It's just a thing I do with all my online personae for shits and gigs and running gags with friends, pretending I'm part of the universe in question in some silly (dare I say sill-il? :P) way.
The character, though I never introduced them on this blog, has since been revamped, remade, remixed, remastered and most importantly renamed, but they keep "Cílil" as one of the many alternate names they were given in Middle-earth, just as a sort of easter egg. They would've required a Quenyan name as a default anyway, so that all worked out nicely.
So yeah. This is the lore of Cílil/cílil/cilil. Hope you all enjoyed the ancient lore :)
#asks#cílil answers#the lore of cílil#i also know many people just call me cílil in general which is of course absolutely fine since it is an actual name even :D#y'all can pick and choose between it and what's in the bio
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guys I need help picking a watermark
i want a watermark just in case but I have three ideas and I dunno which one to choice, which ever one is chosen I'll make a actual watermark and ofc change the colors and stuff blah blah blah so here they are
#I wanna know#I like them all#I don't know which one to choose#hope y'all can help me because I need (well not need more like want) a watermark for my art
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Drifting - Passive floating in a river, thinking about letting himself drift away while the sun occasionally peaks from behind clouds. Before a decision is made, Dream interrupts him. Sun appearances coincide with happier thoughts? Ends on positive note since Dream is like the sun?
Dust to Dust - Nightmare accidentally getting killed by Dream, probably with his bow? While Dream is shocked & Nightmare is turning into dust, it takes until someone points it out for Dream to notice he is also dusting away at the same time.
Revert - Nightmare is hit with a positivity arrow(?) & the goop melts off of him as he screams in agony, eventually going quiet as his passive form is revealed laying passed out. Once he wakes up, he's very confused & can't understand anyone except for Dream, since languages have changed.
Fall - Something based on an incident that happened to me, where a tree fell & crushed me when I was young. Nightmare would take the place of me, obviously, in his passive form.
#titles are subject to change#the last one is from the previous follower writing ideas#i did change it some so y'all actually know what it's about this time#a poll should go up with this so that y'all can choose which nightmare angst gets written#now that i'm seeing them all together like this#they do seem kinda dark#hm#not a fic rec#the one where he becomes passive again is absolutely inspired by the realageau drabbles that i'm always reblogging#mixed with the headcanon that the twins originally spoke a different language#which would be a terror to actually write because other than english#i know a few words in spanish & a few phrases in french#the river one is just something i thought about because just floating on top of water is very peaceful to me
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[blasts you with miscellaneous rinky doodles from our heartbeat event]
#enstars#rinne amagi#niki shiina#rinniki#insanabean#this was just supposed to be an extra funny haha thing but it made me ill so now y'all get subjected to it too#the last bunch are just gesture sketches 'cause. i couldn't do it i couldn't fucking do it#also 'cause i've spent the entire week drawing rinky so i have less than 2 days to read two chapters and answer 123 questions#and exam monday-wednesday (i can choose between which of those days to take it but. still)#yahoo#[throwing gays onto your dash again]#they are in love and it makes me sick (affectionate)#this does not add to the note count btw i am aware we surpassed 1500#but due to the previously mentioned reason on top of the editing required it. it's gonna take me a minute#hopefully by the end of next week but no promises
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ok sorry the OTHER thing about lucienne is like. as previously stated she is dream's handpicked emissary from the waking world to the dreaming she's the diplomat in chief she's the translator she's the bridge. because the dreaming is, in a very real way, dream's own psyche, this is tantamount to giving lucienne a tremendous degree of access to his interiority and by transitive property also tantamount to entering into a deeply emotionally intimate relationship with her (unimportant for the purposes of this post whether that relationship is platonic or romantic).
now, in general, looking at the pattern of dream's close emotional relationships—dream doesn't share himself with people as a rule (beyond the access that all things that live have to the dreaming; but i'm talking about his self here, the one he doesn't like to acknowledge he even has), but when he does share with people, it's with people who have some shadow on the soul, so to speak. just looking at attested relationships in show canon, his deepest emotional connection seems to be with death, who embodies the duality of light and dark even better than he does himself. calliope is the muse of epic poetry—heroism and tragedy—and also bears the sort of divine pride that led her to cut dream off for hundreds or thousands of years when he wronged her. the less said about that other guy, the better, but he's no sunshine-rainbows-unicorns type—he's a soldier of fortune, a bandit and a killer, a man who profits from the sale of human life. even best bird matthew, in comix canon, had a sordid past that will maybe be partially retconned for the show but has still been gestured at.
dream likes the complicated ones. he's drawn to them. they speak to something in him that he won't acknowledge in himself (he has to be Whole, fully integrated, without reservation, because he is the king and he is the dreaming and if the dreaming ain't whole then the universe is in trouble—but he feels that ache nonetheless).
all that is to say: when people try to portray lucienne as dream's Designated Well-Adjusted Neurotypical Friend, i begin to harm and maim.
#chatter#as usual there is a larger pattern of behavior around this post that has been making me crazy for some time#it's the ''holder of the braincell'' trope but it's also just like the flattening of female characters of color in every possible dimension#so many people are terrified. TERRIFIED. to imagine a woman of color's pain#because the demands of shallow progressivism are such that they require you to acknowledge that A Black Woman Has Suffered More#Than Anyone Else Ever In The History Of The World Ever; Because Of Racism#but the demands of wider fandom are such that they require you to buy into the concept that A White Man's Suffering#Is The Only Suffering Worthy Of Care Attention Or Interest.#can't handle the dichotomy so instead they create the imago of a Black woman who has never suffered anything ever#she cannot be mentally ill; she cannot be disabled; if she is queer then it is in a way that is wholly self-contained and complete#and not ambiguous or in flux in any way; and most important of ALL she can never have experienced racism.#because racism As We Know is the worst form of suffering. so if she'd suffered racism then that would make her more worthy of#compassion than White Guy No. 37. which must not be#the very idea that lucienne is simply at peace with herself and the dreaming with no further complication.......like!#WOMEN OF COLOR ARE NEVER AFFORDED THAT KIND OF CERTAINTY. ARE YOU STUPID.#and by the way being reserved/calm/unassuming/practical are NOT absolute indicators of mental wellness.#y'all can see this when it's a white guy what is your fucking DAMAGE when it comes to women of color.#OPEN YOUR EYES. USE YOUR POWERS OF DEDUCTIVE REASONING. DREAM DIDN'T CHOOSE HER TO BE HIS THERAPIST.#DREAM CHOSE HER BECAUSE; PRESUMABLY; SHE ACHES. SHE CONTRADICTS. SHE GRAPPLES WITH THE SHADOW ON THE MIND.#SOMETHING IN HIM SEES A KINDRED SOUL IN HER. WAKE UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
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So! I have two things in my backlog that can go up on Monday, so you get a choice!
I have the second/last chapter for On Tea and Ghosties done and another chapter of For Fake done!
OTaG is a spoopy resurrection Pokémon universe Valentines Collection AU involving Agatha Harkness and Olivia Octavius, focusing on an Agatha Harkness/Ancient One ship. The next chapter will complete this fic.
FF is a fake dating Viv Vision/America Chavez fic set in The Thrall of Decades universe, combining MCU and comics canons, with canon Harximoff in the background. The next chapter will not complete this fic.
Vote for whichever, and whichever has the most votes goes up on Monday!
#musings#bandit monday fic poll#gonna give these their own tags#because then y'all can choose which update y'all get#if i have multiple options you can choose from#(sometimes there will not be multiple options#sometimes i will just have multiple chapters of the same thing)#but! options!#for you!
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HOLY PROCRASTINATION BATMAN
#okay. okay. putting on my playlist. and throwing my phonr across the room. cause i really need to get this fucking website started today lol#it's SO BAD Y'ALL#already distracted by skype chats with my coworkers#apparently the reason why MCOA was going nuts is bc the bosses are out. which like.#i guess he thinks 'the people who asked me to be quiet are gone so i can run around screaming' is acceptable?#i don't think this guy ever understands when you try to explain to him why he should stop something#which is a huge problem but not one any of us can solve. you can explain until you're blue in the face but if he chooses not to listen
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uh-oh she's gushing about shinon again and it's super long
So you guys know I love Shinaff. BUT!!! I would like to explain to you part of how that came to be, i.e. how Janaff's supports with Shinon were both different and important!!! In other words, a direct exploration of his development involving laguz and how he's turning out for the better post Janaff A support and RD (and how it makes the most sense to have their A support slotted between the beginning of PoR and the end of RD for a full progression of his development)!
First of all, Shinon only has three supports; so unlike most characters, every line counts and needs to hold more weight to his conversations.
Rolf and Gatrie's supports portray different sides of him: the mentor and the friend. What we see in these supports is stuff we essentially already knew about him, but we're given more depth. The thing to note here is, again, we already knew these things about him. This is the man we started with.
What we don't get in these supports is proper development. Janaff is the only support he has that gives him that. Janaff's supports with him are the only ones that gives him any self reflection and improvement. This isn't necessarily a bad thing for the other supports, but it's more that it props up these ones a little bit more.
Also, when you get to RD, Shinon comes off as though he's already gotten this development. He feels like he's grown as a person. While that makes sense, from a player's perspective, we didn't really see that development in him (like we would have with characters like Ike, Mist, Soren, etc)... unless you supported him with Janaff.
In RD, Shinon has Gatrie and Rolf as bonded by defaults. These are basically internal bonds in RD - ones that aren't needed by supports. You can carry over support data from PoR to RD, and characters will receive a bond with the character they A supported. For some, like Ranulf and Ike, these bonds will be there regardless of if they got an A support.
That means that even without supporting them in PoR, Shinon will bonded to these two by default. Janaff is his only other support, so if they reach an A support and that data is carried over to RD, he now has his full list of supports bonded to him. Mind you, that's a liiittle bit of a big deal (and kinda cool to me!) as nobody else can do that (or almost nobody, since I'm not totally positive what Stefan and Volke's situations are and would have to check on that in my game, as the only other characters with an extremely low amount of supports).
So why do I say that's important? Because the only character he won't have by default as a bond is Janaff. You have to go out of your way to get their support bond (and when I say out of your way, I mean it pretty literally if you don't normally use one or both of them, due to how PoR's support system works). Janaff is the only character Shinon has to build up a bond with from scratch, which is something the player has to decide to do.
Gatrie and Rolf are the base - the bare minimum. It's given to you, no questions asked. Shinon doesn't have to develop as a person to have those bonds. When Janaff arrives in 3-7, if they were A supported in PoR (and your data was carried over), he and Shinon automatically have their bond show up in the bond list on each of their profiles as of the turn Janaff is on the map. This also means they can get a double A support, which is, again, something Shinon has very few options for.
Without Janaff, Shinon doesn't get that extremely direct development. In RD it's assumed all the characters had development of some sort (example, Shinon is much more chilled out and takes a much more active role in watching out for the GMs and making sure they're properly funded). However, with the way Shinon's development toward laguz went, you'd think something must have happened for him to change his mind.
However, it's an uncontestable fact that Ike stated everyone in the GMs decided to stay knowing full well they'd be fighting for the Laguz Alliance:
"I told the others they could leave if they didn’t want to work with laguz, but everybody decided they’d rather stay. Don’t worry about it, Ranulf."
If they didn't want to work with laguz (Shinon and Soren would be the primary candidates he brought this up for), they didn't have to go. They didn't have to take part. They didn't have to be there. Shinon decided to stay despite fully aware they would be the only beorc there. That's development already... but if he supported Janaff, it starts to make more sense and feels like a proper linear path for his development.
"But DCB, he was racist toward Lyre!" Sure! He's not perfect and there's still room for growth. In fact, Shinon started out calling her a sub-human but referred to her as a laguz when Gatrie was the only one left to hear him, so he either:
is trying to keep up appearances in front of laguz he doesn't like, using sub-human to their face but not using that term in private anymore (or to laguz he doesn't hate, i.e. Janaff in their A support where he catches himself about to use that term. Though he wasn't quite ready to say "laguz" yet, he stopped himself from using "you sub-humans" and instead said "you guys").
slipped up in using sub-human (from habit*) and called her a laguz when speaking to Gatrie because he's becoming more used to using that term regularly. That is to say, it's becoming more natural for him to say.
If you got his A support with Janaff, it makes sense that he slips up sometimes still but is trying to speak more properly about laguz. Getting out of old habits is hard. Feeling differently about something you've had a steady mindset for (in his case for 27 years as per his support with Janaff) is hard. There will be slip ups.
*It's possible Shinon uses "sub-human" as an insult aimed at individuals he doesn't like while not meaning it toward others (i.e. he doesn't like Kyza and Lyre). Yes, this is a big flaw! He could very well be using a racist term to express distaste toward someone specific but not mean it toward the whole of laguz. It's still racist and shouldn't be done, but the fact that he turned around and said "laguz" only a couple sentences later (if that) means that something is kicking in and some gears are turning.
Again, if you look at his A support with Janaff, he wasn't even at the point of using "laguz" at all! If you consider their A support part of his linear development, he starts as he is in PoR, supports Janaff and goes through their conversations while seeing laguz differently now, and ultimately ends at respecting Janaff. Despite this, he's not ready to use "laguz" yet because he experiences with laguz to date, prior to Janaff, had all been presumably negative enough for him to develop this racist mindset.
Linearly, that brings us to RD. He's suddenly fine staying with the GMs and fighting a war on behalf of the Laguz Alliance, even when he was directly given an out. Next, we have him refer to a laguz as a laguz - something he wasn't able to do yet in PoR.
Does the linear progression stop there? Not if you supported Janaff! Following those things, again, when Janaff arrives in 3-7, their bond will show up in their profiles. These bonds are separate from RD support bonds in that they're basically saying these characters were bonded before the events of RD and thus have special bonuses near each other, regardless of if you support them in RD.
So where does this lead us? Well, like in PoR, we start to lose focus on the GMs as a whole and only end up with focus on a few of them. Our next line of progression can only come from supports again. These are notable and extremely important if he's supported with a laguz.
If it's Janaff you support him with in RD, he gets one of his standard support quotes in battle. Maybe you're thinking that sounds unimpressive and unimportant... but this means he's responding to Janaff as someone he's familiar with and not treating differently from the others (which is not the case when responding to several others, which I'll get to). Normally you'd expect him to treat a laguz differently, but he speaks with Janaff like he would to any beorc.
It gives off an air of familiarity - like they already know each other, are passed all that nonsense and aren't even thinking about it anymore. This is, of course, the case regardless of if you supported them in PoR (but again, I find their PoR supports to be important in terms of a proper, full linear progression of Shinon's development, which is something not every character actually even gets, i.e. they don't get a fully fleshed out and ongoing development story between both games if they're not a main character).
It's almost like it's considering that you may have gotten their PoR supports. It has to leave it up in the air as to whether or not you did, because it'd be odd if he was suddenly treating Janaff like they weren't as familiar with each other after getting their PoR supports. In other words, by default, their relationship in RD is not as bad as it starts in PoR in their C support. It feels like they've already supported and are closer now to be at this point.
So why is it important that he acts no different with Janaff than anyone else? Because he does act different near laguz kings. He's given special, personalized lines to the laguz kings and refers to them sincerely as laguz. Important to note is that the laguz kings only become playable in part four (Tibarn and Naesala) and Endgame (Caineghis).
These are characters he would have absolutely no chance at having any development with in either game prior (even if you consider time spent in PoR, Tibarn and Naesala are not playable until the final chapter and you can only pick one of them. Caineghis, plain and simple, is not even an option). That means his supports with them are the very beginning of their relationship.
This is by part four. There's been development since part three in his character that we don't see. He's now openly referring to them as only "laguz" (remember, he was back and forth earlier in RD). He treats them with respect.
"But DCB, of course he does! They're kings! They're powerful!" But the Shinon we started out with in PoR wouldn't have cared less. To him back then a sub-human was a sub-human. Even as allies, he wouldn't have respected them (re: his C support with Janaff). Instead, here, in RD with these supports, he can talk with laguz directly, refer to them as such, and give them respect.
He also doesn't start out being intentionally racist toward them. He's at the point, by the time he can support the laguz kings, where he skips right past the active "sub-human" bullshit.
What do I mean by that? Well... I mean with Tibarn, he almost says sub-human but catches himself and doesn't just say "you guys" like he did with Janaff in their A support (which came before his C support with Tibarn if you consider his development linear and including Janaff). He corrects himself, and instead uses "a king" - similar to his "you guys" pull back, but outright referring to him as a king is actually a step above that (and again, this is their C support).
King Tibarn. It seems like a sub-hu– I mean–a king such as yourself can hold your own.
He's learning! He's growing! He's maturing! He's realizing he can get out of that mindset! All his experiences prior to PoR, based on his supports with Janaff, would imply he's only ever known that he has to protect himself against them. He never got to actually meet one. When he did, it was hard to pull himself out of old habits for new experiences. He was trying for Janaff, but he wasn't quite there yet. Here, he does something very similar.
With the other kings, he just outright refers to them as kings with no stumbles.
Hey, Lion King! Of anybody here, it seems like you’d be just fine.
Raven King, you seem all right. No need to be babied, I hope.
Mind you, the latter is pretty standard Shinon in personality. It's unrelated to Naesala being a laguz. However, both are these are completely respectful as a person talking to another person.
For his B supports we have:
I thought you were the all-conquering King Caineghis! And yet, you mess up. Bizarre. You better stay by me.
Hawk King, whew, even you mess up sometimes. Kinda makes me nervous. You better stay by me.
Raven King–your fighting? Not good. Just…stay by me and let me handle this.
Bizarre, he says, that one of the strongest people he knows is having trouble. He's actually surprised. No comment about how sub-humans suck or anything, not here!
Similarly, even Tibarn messes up sometimes. He's surprised. He expects basically perfectly from Tibarn (so this presumes he has positive expectations of him from what he knows of Tibarn).
Naesala's fighting isn't good? Well what does PoR Shinon care! Let him die! But that's not RD Shinon (and remember, these quotes could've been anything else considering he got specifically personalized quotes with these three, and personalized quotes for RD supports are somewhat few and tend to be for specific pairs).
Stay by me, he says! The same things he'll say to anyone! To any beorc and to any laguz. Again, personalized quotes did exist and they were there for certain pairs. Those pairs got special quotes specifically for their relationship). He didn't avoid saying "stay by me" just because they were laguz.
Mind you, his support quotes with these three are much more respectful than usual Shinon. He's very, uh, hilariously Shinon (there is a word for this, however at this time I cannot think of it 😔. I am not thinking of sarcastic, I am thinking of... something else. Granted, these lines are directed to Reyson and Rafiel, who technically can't fight... so I'll give him a break on that one) in most of his quotes, and some don't sound particularly respectful ("Prince ___, it’s really hard to watch you fight. Why don’t you stay by me and let me handle this?").
Now for the A supports (and BOY HOWDY I'M EATIN' GOOD HERE)...
You know, I’m not one for making friends and being nice. But, Caineghis, I gotta say, you are one bad laguz. In a good way! Hang in there.
I gotta admit… I didn’t like you when I first met you. But, Prince ___, I hope you make it through all this. I was wrong about you.
You know, I really don’t care who lives and who dies. But, Hawk King, for a laguz– hey, for anyone–you seem pretty decent. I hope you make it.
You know, I never thought I’d say this, but… King ___, I’m thinkin’ you should live. Don’t ask me why! Just a crazy notion. Maybe I like you?
Not one for making friends and being nice in general, with beorc, but he's befriending a laguz? Well now! What would PoR Shinon pre-Janaff say!
If you need me to explain the lines to Reyson and Rafiel to you, I have no hope for you at this point. If you can't read "I was wrong about you" and understand what that means, you might need to go back to school. In fact you definitely do.
For a laguz - no, scratch that because that doesn't fucking matter anymore - for anyone - you seem pretty decent (<-- this is the way Shinon talks to everyone).
Maybe he likes Naesala? Maybe they're friends? Maybe he just admitted he's fond of a laguz? Maybe he just said he likes a laguz??? Gosh jolly, early PoR Shinon is rolling in his grave!
So uhhh, what does this have to do with Janaff? Well, like I said, I feel like their supports slot perfectly into Shinon's development that's going to exist anyway. It's like the middle part of it that you get to see but also may miss out on. It's like jumping from PoR to RD and wondering what on earth happened in between to bring Shinon to that point... and if you consider his A support with Janaff, it makes sense that that's what happened. It fills that gap, and it also slots in perfectly with where he is in his development as a character between two games.
Timeline:
PoR start - Shinon hates laguz. He seems to hate them for reasons unknown. Greil dies; Shinon leaves. Chapter 18 is reached and Shinon is recruited back into the GMs. Despite that the GMs are now working with the Crimean army which has actively allied itself with the beast and bird tribes, Shinon whatevers his way through that fact and rejoins. He'll tolerate, he guesses. Fam is here.
Cue Janaff supports. New birb, who dis, except he's rude! Yes folks, it was Janaff who was rude first (his lines were also very Janaff... who is very like Shinon, so it makes sense that would get a negative reaction from Shinon even if he was a beorc). Shinon is set off and now thinks he was right to hate laguz. Look at this annoying birb face and his dumb lil hat!!! Better threaten to kill him just to be safe...
B support, they're having a conversation and learning from each other because Janaff came over to apologize. He knows he was in the wrong to nag at Shinon just for being an unfamiliar face. Shinon is still pissy though because it's a goddamn birb with a hat!!! Their conversation is a mix of ugh fuck this annoying guy to actually talking things out... and Shinon admitting why he hates laguz - because he's always needed to protect himself from "those half breeds". Sounds like his only experiences were very negative, so he ends up racist. Well, Janaff was also racist until very recently for similar reasons, and he used to think all beorc liked to kill. He, too, had misconceptions that bred a racist hatred. Now, though, with Shinon talking to him, he's realized he was wrong about beorc and is open to seeing things differently. Shinon backtracks, realizing he's having this conversation with the birb with a hat and wonders why.
A support, they talk more and it's getting better... and Janaff not only admits to relating to Shinon - which is a nice touch because they're two sides of the same coin who are both still very much learning about each other's races - and mind you Janaff was racist at 110 years old so he's been doing this shit for a while! It was because he talked with Shinon and learned more about beorc that, on top of what Ike did for Leanne, he's being more open minded now. Janaff, understanding where Shinon is coming from (ignorance and misconceptions), is much more polite and kind to him. Shinon, in response, backtracks when he almost uses the racist term "sub-human" so as not to offend Janaff, leaves off here respecting him and, when Janaff has to leave because the support is over, calls him back because he wants to hear more about the world from him because Janaff has lived for so much longer. Maybe the birb with the hat isn't so bad at all after all!!
From here the GMs fight with laguz allies until the end of PoR. Two or three years pass idk shit's inconsistent I guess, and we get to RD.
By this point Shinon has already been in an army that allied with and fought alongside laguz, and maybe that's tempered his feelings. When given an out from joining the other GMs in their aiding of the Laguz Alliance, and as the only beorc, he chooses to stay with the group.
At this point he's back and forth with "sub-human" and "laguz". There's definitely improvement, but old habits still get out sometimes. Still though, he's progressed from "you guys" to outright using "laguz".
The laguz kings join in the fight against Ashera. Shinon can support them, getting personalized quotes specifically for them (and for the herons). With Tibarn, he catches himself and corrects what he almost said - something he did once before with Janaff as per this linear timeline. That's the only instance left of a mistake in his wording. By now he's not using "sub-human" at all (B and A support with Tibarn or C-A with Caineghis or Naesala), or he's freely and without stumbling using "laguz" with no "you guys" esque backtrack.
This is obviously only one aspect of Shinon's development, i.e. the development of him growing out of racism similar to Janaff, and there are more aspects to him that did develop and grow throughout both games, but this post was specifically to highlight the importance of having Janaff there as part of his growth. Without it, it's like a blank, empty spot in his development where you don't know how it started happening and to such a degree (how did he go from outright using sub-human to using laguz at all? It feels like there had to be something in the middle of that growth, and without Janaff's supports it's just missing.
With them though, it's quite clear how he reasonably went from sub-human to "you guys" to laguz with some slip ups (ones that he corrects himself with if he actually respects the person, in this case Tibarn. He didn't bother correcting it with Lyre and Kyza because he didn't like them, which again, is still a flaw, but that was prior to his ability to support the laguz kings. It would be more reasonable to say he's starting to grow out of using "sub-human" just to specific people as an insult by this point.
Mans ain't perfect, but he's trying and he's working on it. Why is that without Janaff involved in his development? I 'unno, I guess he just had some random offscreen development between the games. With Janaff though? It actually works, fits and makes sense. It feels like that part of his development is meant to be there, as it compliments his development going forward.
that's it that's all i had to say bye now
#Shinon#there is quoted evidence so nobody can say im just bias and making shit up 😤#anyway he's a multi faceted character AND gets development which FE does NOT usually do for non-main characters!#they especially don't usually get BOTH of those things!#Shinon's extremely lucky in that regard (especially bc not even all of the GMs were given this treatment and good fortune)#It's also very fun seeing Shinon and Janaff develop simultaneously. you get Janaff a SINGLE chapter before you can#get Shinon back (actually use him again) and the very first time you can ever use Janaff is ON the chapter Shinon returns#cooooincidence? maybe but I choose not to think so#Janaff feels so integral in Shinon's character growth in this regard#at this point my brain has cemented their supports as canon#anyway they're a great couple they never kiss and they definitely don't admit to being in love#they think y'all are delulu for thinking they're dating but actually they're the ones who are delulu#i have a do not separate policy for them in part four so shinon always ends up in the hawk army#which rly i don't need to do bc it's not like i need as many shrieks as i end up with#so really janaff doesn't HAVE to be with ulki and tibarn but it feels right#also it's like the one time i have everyone from a respective class type (archer classes) in every army#ALSO also I think it's an interesting situation to have Shinon in the final chapter before endgame 1#maybe it would be cool to write about someday. him seeing the feral drugged laguz and how nastily mindless/cruel/violent/etc they are#compared to the people he knows and starting to realize this was how he used to see ALL laguz#and now seeing it's only these mindless drugged ones and how the people he knows are nothing like this...
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gatekeeping the Lyonesse series from readers "rooting" for one "couple" over the other
#romance novel blogging#just saw this and honestly.... between that and challengers#what is w y'all acting like throuples are NEW#but the comments i saw about like 'idk which couple to choose!' 'i think in the end it should be mark/tristan'#LOL. WHAT PART OF MMF DO YOU NOT GET.#also you can absolutely tell when people haven't read salt in the wound which like i also don't wanna gatekeep but#mark is HIGHKEY fucked up about isolde#he literally had to physically separate himself from her lol#tristan made the call on separating himself from mark (and mark was like. ok. so i'll just get them to kiss. which valid)#but maaaark could not haaaandle the feeeeelings isolde evoked in him#which doesn't make mark/isolde more valid than tristan/mark or tristan/isolde#it's just different#idk i just feel like we're reverting to a really boring interpretation of love triangles#and the traditional triangle isn't inherently bad but it's like... we could do something else
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I WANT COUP AU AND ALSO goddess!agatha x eve because I know basically nothing about it and INTRIGUE
Alright this is a long one, so it'll be under the cut.
Fair warning for all the folks who are unaware: Coup AU is a fic I'm writing entirely for myself, and it follows a very alternative universe's Evanora Harkness.
That will not be everyone's cup of tea, but if you do choose to read, please keep in mind that you are greatly missing a lot of the background and characterization.
The Goddess!Agatha x Eve excerpt does not require any warnings.
For the Coup AU I decided to go with the earlier excerpt.
If you want the later one, I suppose you'll just have to ask again 😈
When the infant draws breath to cry, Evanora covers her newly born daughter’s mouth to muffle the sound, and whispers her name into existence.
Astra Harkness.
Astra, meaning star, for Lance had nearly exclusively called Agatha his little star, and Evanora is certain he would have called this daughter his little star as well.
Astra, meaning star, for Agatha had been a bright, shining light in her life, a gift to see her daughter growing up happy and healthy and surrounded by love and laughter, a sun by all means, but Astra will be raised far away from her mother, while her sister and father are dead, six feet under in the cruelest form of punishment her cousin could conceive of.
Astra, a distant light, a distant hope.
Hope is all Evanora has.
—»•«—
Goddess!Agatha x Eve was spun off of an idea I had for Goddess!Agatha x Reader, mostly because Agatha got all pouty about me never having written her with Eve before now.
Let me tell you, I really really love the very few hundred words I have written for them so far.
Gods walked amongst mortals.
This is simply a fact, like how the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, or how the Earth is round.
Eve has never been one to pay much attention to all the excitement and worship surrounding them.
She had seen little point, growing up somewhere that was never going to attract a god to their streets.
And besides, who would want to meet one of these higher beings when they so frequently take the lives of those they converse with?
The gods are cold-hearted and cruel, and Eve much prefers those with warmth and kindness.
#sky's inbox#sky answers#sky's stolen ask games#sky writes#c: eve#c: evanora#c: astra#c: coup au astra#that warning is my way of saying I don't want any shit for writing Evanora#not even friendly ribbing#i don't want it and I will just ignore it#i understand she's universally hated AS SHE SHOULD BE#but I like the ability to explore certain themes with her#especially the themes of generational cycles of abuse#this au is based off of my general main headcanon universe for Agatha#which is why I said y'all missing a lot of info here#if you're curious you can definitely ask!#but again I don't want to get any shit for this so please word that request kindly if you so choose to ask#oh also no Coup AU was not an option#but bandit has allowed me to brainstorm off of them for it so they get requesting privileges for it#aparticularbandit#wip wednesday
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Perfectly fine because those are very normal prices for dogs from breeders in most of the US, regardless of dogs fitting a breed standard or having purebred status, especially when including traveling/shipping costs.
hey chat. how does this screenshot make you feel be honest
#other people choosing to pay more for dogs has no impact on your life and being judgemental about it is weird#especially when you're judging them because you think mutts should be cheap and off standards dogs are worthless#the snobbery in the replies and reblogs is so gross#y'all are weird get a fucking hobby and touch some grass#i know y'all dont hold purebred breeders who show but don't health test appropriately to the same standard when it comes to pricing bffr rn#a dog not fitting your show dog aesthetic or your preferred purpose for dogs doesn't make it worth less to other people who aren't you#'all that for a doodle' yeah some people love doodles just as much or even more than you loce purebreds#*love#get over it and eat shit#i believe breeders should be allowed to charge enough to make a profit if they want to btw#because otherwise breeding is gatekept by class and can only be done by people with flexible high paying sources of income#or who can take a loss for their hobby hiring help for breeding while they work their full time job#and also pressuring breeders to price dogs at a loss for themselves incentivizes cutting costs to minimize that loss#such as by cutting out or only doing very minimal health testing which we don't want because that's bad for dogs long term
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I GOT TICKETS TO SEE MCR!!!!!!!!!!!
#I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and they're pretty good!#me and my mom each had our computers out to get tickets and she (somehow?? but luckily) had like 240 people in front of her#and I had like 27000 people in front of me#(the strategy is to get on. compare the tickets we were able to get within the checkout time. choose the best ones. and release the others.#but I was so far behind that we just got the ones she was able to get which were luckily great!)#and now I can stop kicking myself for missing 2022#I literally can't wait omg#I needed this so badly#see y'all at metlife!#mcr#long live the black parade#mcr tour 2025
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I have to add Archivist Wasp and its sequel Latchkey by Nicole Kornher-Stace. (Both those links lead to Weightless Books, an arm of the incomparable Small Beer Press that sells drm-free versions of numerous small presses' books for ease of reading and to avoid the amazon monster; to tout the awesome of Small Beer and Mythic Delirium, both primarily responsbiel for publishing Kornher-Stace would be a post of its own, but look them up if you're unfamiliar because they've provided some of the most envelope-pushing, queer-heavy scifi of the last decade.) Archivist Wasp is in the "destroyed earth" rather than the space category of scifi and...well, Amal El Mohtar can sell it better than I ever could:
An Archivist has two jobs. The first is to hunt and catch ghosts in order to learn about the precataclysm past from them; the second is to defend her life and position against “upstarts” — the other girls marked by the goddess Catchkeep’s claw-shaped scars at birth — once a year. Wasp has been Archivist for three years, and wants nothing more than to escape a dismal life of killing her sisters and obeying the Catchkeep-priest — so when an unusually powerful ghost asks her to help find his former partner in the underworld, she agrees. But, as is so often the case with the underworld, she finds both more and less than she bargained for. More than anything else, this book is sharp. You could cut yourself on the prose — Wasp’s world is one of thorns, knives, edges of thick, broken glass, a constant background-hum of pain that sometimes swells into a shout. Wasp’s perspective absolutely thrums with tension and violence, but also aches with a fierce, hollow loneliness to break the heart. The longing and gratitude for the smallest beginnings of true friendship make the betrayals more vicious, and the stakes just keep rising. I burned through this book in about three hours, desperately rooting for her. It’s also a brilliantly constructed narrative and world. The gods are cruel and absent. The underworld is a maze in layers, a twisting, turning palimpsest, one that allows Wasp to descend almost archaeologically through time by literally experiencing her ghost-partner’s memories. The pre- and post-apocalyptic worlds reflect each other in shards and fragments, all the more powerful for being subtle, for their resistance to being spelled out. It was also keenly refreshing — especially in something that’s ostensibly YA, where the Love Triangle of Doom is so annoyingly pervasive — to find a book in which all of the strongest, primary relationships are friendships; where friendship has the narrative, motive force usually reserved for sexualized romance. I very much wanted to see the A in QUILTBAG represented in this column, and this is a fine example: while the connection between the ghost and his (female) partner is intense and loving, it is never represented as sexual, and sex is in fact completely irrelevant.
Sci-fi books where a queer woman has the ghost of an annoying dead guy in her head
*Misery is nonbinary (she/they) and who’s in her head is not dead or a guy but I’m counting it, okay
#y'all these books! I first read Archivist on Audible as narrated by the magnificent Abby Craden and fell utterly and entirely in love#with Wasp. hard and jaded. telling herself this just. is what the world is. until one fight too many. when she chooses gentleness damn the#consequences. and Stace doesn't sugarcoat that those consequences are very nearly her death or terrifying domination by a man who now#sees her as weak pray. and yet! even as she has to ally herself with those she's always been told are her natural enemies--ghosts--there#is a part of Wasp reaching for empathy. not easily or naturally. and often she breaks as much as she fixes. but again and again she tries#to be better than who the world has told her she can or should be. and all this growth is interwoven with realistic#disability#and so! so much ghost/human banter. and friendships spanning generations and terrible. terrible loss. they are books I can go years without#rereading and still remember vividly; books I will gush about given the slightest excuse because they and their disabled protag mean so#fucking much to me. gush and gush and still not find the words. and same with Memory Called Empire. fuck this book! I read it with its#premise of memories of the dead which linger. both guide and curse. but mostly guide amid my grief. and the idea that the protag got to kee#and draw from the dead when so many people were telling me to move on. that memory could be a blessing. means so much to me I can to this#day not reach out to the author because I'll just start crying helplessly. that she's also allowed to have a complicated queer romance wher#the fact she is from a colonized nation and her partner is working for the colonizers and yet they love one another desperately is never#either sugarcoated nor made to feel wrong--and that it mirrors the protag's identification with the colonizing nation even as she never#forgets the wrongs it perpetrated on her own. that all that came atop this message of grief and that it is a different! polyamorous#romance driving the story arc means so much I can't talk objectively about the book because critique makes me defend it like my first-born#one of those pieces appearing in your life precisely when you need it most (and I'm sure the others are wonderful but I had to put in my#Teixcalan#and Wasp recs especially)#Arkady Martine#Nicole Kornher-Stace#book babbling#possible future reading#because I can never! have enough of this genre#lit geekery
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