#xfactor days

[manchesterau]

no control and pick your poison showing just how vital louis’ voice is to the band

[twopoppies]

Anon, I hope you’re still around because someone knew the video you were talking about!!

Hi! I’m trying to find a random old video from the X factor days and hoping you or your followers would have it. It was maybe backstage and starts with Liam singing and then pans over to the other 4 boys being goofy and petting/rubbing Harry. Lol. Sound familiar?

Hmmmm. No! But I probably do know it. 😅

Can anyone help find this video?

[pathetic-dreamy]

Simon: State your name, rank, and intention.

Harry: Harry, Harry, fun.

[totheecore]

il piattume di questa esibizione da brividi e non in senso buono

[buscandoelparaiso]

non avevo mai sentito la storia di fedez e ferragni, anche se pensandoci la cosa non mi stupirebbe per nulla

ho letto molte voci, che fino ad ora ovviamente tali rimangono, che dicono che sia lei che lui hanno un'altra vita ben nascosta a milano di cui però tutti sanno (specialmente di lei a quanto pare)

[ifancyharry]

Close As Strangers

what it is: Harry has been away for six months and YN wants to move on - based on Close As Strangers by 5 seconds of summer!!

word count: 4k+

Harry hurried down the hallway all the way to his room, sliding the key card against the key-reader, unlocking the door and pushing it open with his palms pressed against it.

He quickly removed his shoes, tossing them near the door, before plopping down on the hotel bed, his back against the headboard.

He fished out of his skinny jeans his phone, grimacing at the screen that read 3 missed calls from ‘Angel <3’.

He sighed as he unlocked it, typing hurriedly the number he knew by heart on the keyboard, and putting it on speaker, too tired to hold the phone to his shoulder for the call.

He waited for her to pick up as he listened to the incessant ringing of the line.

“Pick up, pick up” he whispered, biting at the skin of his thumb to suppress his sighs.

He knew he was late. And he felt like he could only imagine the disappointment YN felt when he didn’t answer her call.

He and YN had picked out a specific time throughout the day where the both of them had to be available. No matter what the other was doing, at 7 o’clock they had to answer the phone, which was a pretty understandable rule, and Harry had found it easy to comply to it at first, excusing himself to take a call or getting covered by his band mates if he couldn’t make up an excuse quickly enough. But with time, his schedule had gotten really busy.

And he sometimes missed her calls.

He wasn’t the fresh out of XFactor sixteen year old he’d been when they first started dating. He was Harry from One Direction now, and despite him feeling as the same shy guy that worked in a bakery, life around him had changed, and with it, his relationship.

He knew how she was; he knew she wasn’t answering because she was upset. And Harry really didn’t blame her, but he just didn’t find it reasonable to be upset (“stubborn little thing! — he’d say, once she had calmed down and answered the phone — It doesn’t benefit neither of us if you don’t pick up ‘cause you’re mad!”).

He rolled his eyes once the line went dead, and opened the text app instead, typing quickly with his fingers.

Baby pick up I wanna talk to you

After a couple of minutes, he wrote again: please

I miss you

And after that, he tried the line once again. This time, she picked up after five rings with a small “hello?”, her voice sounded croaky distorted from the phone.

“Hello angel. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.”

“It’s okay”, and Harry felt her sigh through the phone, “i was thinking we should push back the calls until you’re back…”

“What?”

“I know you’re pretty busy,” she said, sternly, “and I don’t want to bother you.”

“What?” Harry repeated, and once he realised he already asked that, he cleared his voice and said: “you could never be a bother”.

YN couldn’t see him but she knew he was shaking his head. She tried not to picture the frown in his brows and the pout on his lips, otherwise she couldn’t possibly keep going.

“Things are different now—”

“No.” He cut her off, “don’t say that, angel. Nothing’s changed. It’s still us.”

“Harry” she softened her tone to make sure he really understood her, “it’s still us. — she nodded firmly to herself — I think it’s best if we stick to texting for now. It’s okay.”

“Okay… okay, if that’s - if that’s what you want. Okay.”

“It’s better this way” she sighed once again and Harry felt her breathing through the phone, her shaky breath loud in his ears as if it were his own.

“But we’re good, right? Tell me we’re good.”

“Yes, of course we’re good.”

Harry nodded, staying quiet as the words she’d just spoken lingered in the air between them. Despite being so far away he could almost feel her right next to him as she kept talking, unaware of the heavy weight he felt on his chest making it a little harder to breathe, the sudden realisation that maybe they weren’t good after all.

-

Harry:

Good luck on your exam baby xx

Harry typed the message quickly before locking his phone in his hands.

“1 minute, guys!” Paul reminded them, and for the first time in three years, Harry didn’t want to perform.

YN had a really big exam, the most important of her course, and his heart ached at the thought of not being there with her. He didn’t want to go on stage, and if he was a bad person, he wouldn’t. He would call his driver and go straight to the airport. But Harry wasn’t like that. No.

Since the beginning of his career, he always felt like he owed something to someone, because as he often said to YN, things like this don’t happen to people like him. What he meant with ‘people like him’ no one truly knows, because YN is sure Harry would be successful even if he wasn’t in the band, even if he never went to XFactor, he would have found a way to do what he loves. People would’ve known him either way, because he’s Harry Styles.

And if he didn’t… was it that bad? Wasn’t a life with her not enough to him? She often wonders that, but then she feels extremely guilty and she stops. She knows it’s wrong to think in such a way, because Harry says many times that that XFactor audition was the best thing he ever did in his life, but sometimes you can’t really control your heart as much as your thoughts.

“Harry, stop texting and let’s go!” Paul shouted, from his position on the doorframe.

Sometimes it’s though, for Harry. He tries really hard not to snap at the crew members because he knows they’re just doing their job, but he would often like to say: handle me a little bit softer, please! Because he is still human, and despite enjoying his job, he still needs to be handled gently. He’s only 19.

He obviously never says anything because as stated before, he’s had this strange feeling of owing his career to someone (no one in particular… his fans? Simon Cowell? He doesn’t know, he just knows the feeling in his gut), and he doesn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Harry throws a quick glance at him and nodds, sighing heavily as he hears his phone ding with a message.

Angel <3:

Can I call you, please? I don’t feel good

“Harry, I said let’s go.” He said once again, walking towards him and taking his shirt in his grip, tugging on the sleeve a bit.

Harry grimaced a little at the thought of not answering YN’s text, but he hadn’t opened it, so he guessed she’d probably think he was already on stage.

“Yes, yes, I’m coming!” He shrugged, tossing his phone on the couch and turning towards the door.

Paul nods and “c’mon, rockstar” he said, ruffling Harry’s hair playfully.

“Hey!” He pouted, chuckling as he bumps his arm against his.

Harry tried not to think too much about YN and her message, but he couldn’t help the pang in his chest as he walked out of the changing rooms and heard his phone ringing, the personalised ringer he set YN when he first bought the phone hitting him right in the heart.

He rolled his lips in his mouth as he walked towards the stage, the image of YN all alone at home with her phone to her ear hunting his thoughts.

-

Harry:

Hey, baby, how are you? What are you doing?

seen, 10.27am

Answer meeeee

seen, 11.47am

Are you mad at me? Why aren’t you answering?

seen, 12.01am

Angel <3:

Hary.. sprry i was ouy

Harry:

Are you drunk?

Angel <3:

Jst a litle bit hahahaahah

Harry:

Are you safe?

Angel <3:

yea, wit Emma xx txt tommrw

Harry sighed heavily as he rubbed his temples, tossing his phone on the bed beside him. He closed his eyes as he tried to soothe the impending headache as best as he could. He knew he shouldn’t think like this, but he sometimes can’t help but get angry with her; they never get time to talk, and the only time he can call her, she’s out drinking with her friends. It’s wrong and he’s being unfair, of course he knows. He’s just… he feels defeated. And left out. She feels so far away, and he’s sad he can’t be there with her. Why is she drinking? Is she celebrating something? Did she pass her exam? He doesn’t even know. He didn’t even ask, really. Because he was on The Late Late Show in the morning and was already performing with the band by the evening.

So he’s aware it’s his fault, but at the moment, he just feels like being angry at her. He’ll feel guilty in the morning, and he’ll try not to think about her like that ever again, but tonight… he allows himself the feeling.

He feels sick to his stomach when he realises he doesn’t even know who Emma is. He’s been away so long she made new friends he never got to meet.

-

Harry:

I wish you were here.

Harry knows this relationship isn’t going to work. He knows it deep in his heart, the feeling has been growing deep in his belly ever since he auditioned on xfactor, and if he was a better person he would end it.

He would take his brand new (very expensive) phone, digit the number he knows by heart and just… end it.

Dump her, to say it as straight as it is.

But he can’t.

He knows it’s what’s best for the both of them, he can tell she wants to move on, enjoy life with her friends, be loved by someone who could show his love by being present, but he is too selfish to do that.

The mere thought of her with someone else kills him, makes him sick to his stomach. So what does he do instead? He looks for her in every face in the crowd, in every person he meets (and there’s a lot).

Incoming: FaceTime call.

From: Angel <3

“Hi, H” YN whispers softly as soon as he answers the call.

“Hi angel.”

“I missed you, feel like I haven’t seen y’re face in ages”

“I know”, he clears his throat awkwardly, unsure on what to tell her, “still the same pretty face” he jokes.

“No, you look…” Harry can see her furrow her brows down to the middle, “you look different… older”.

What she really wants to say is he looks… glowier? Like someone who slept for twelve hours or someone who just came back from a ten days vacation at an all inclusive resort.

It’s weird, seeing him like this, he sort of lost his edgier and childlike state.

He looks more mature, yes, but also more polished. His once fluffy and untamed hair look shiny and… styled? He certainly has hairdressers, because YN saw it from an instagram post, but she thought it was like a one time thing… not a recurring one.

She feels kind of out of place, in front of this boy - guy, more like - she hasn’t seen in six weeks.

She finds it hard to remember it’s still her Harry.

She wonders how many things he saw in these six weeks, how many things he did without her, how many new places he discovered without sharing it with her, without making her a part of it.

The awkward energy isn’t lost on both parts, and if YN isn’t afraid to show it, Harry tries all he can to keep the conversation normal. He won’t give up.

“You look beautiful as ever” he says with a grin, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

She only partially breaks in a smile, because she doesn’t want him to feel bad.

It’s not him, entirely, it’s them… it’s them as a whole.

“Everyday gets harder to stay away from you” he reiterates, “but I’ll see you soon, okay? At your birthday?”

“Yeah… okay” she gulps, her hands playing nervously with a stray thread coming off of her cream sweater.

“Soon. I promise.”

She nods and pretends she believes him.

The conversation only lasts for a couple of minutes, their hours long calls are just a memory by now, and she asks a couple of questions to pretend everything is fine and not alarm him.

But she knows he can feel something shifted between them, because nothing is as once was.

-

“I think we should head inside, love” Anne kindly said, placing a gentle and comforting hand on her shoulder. “I don’t think he’s coming.”

“No” YN shook her head firmly, in her stomach a nauseous feeling was tingling her insides; she tried to defend him with everything she could: “he can’t. He promised he’d be here. He’s coming. I know he is”

“Okay” Anne murmured, as she threw a wary look in Gemma’s direction, “let’s just wait a little bit more.”

“Yes!” Gemma agreed, “maybe his flight is late…?” She suggested, albeit with little conviction.

YN nodded her head absentmindedly, her gaze lost in the pinkness of the sky extending before her.

She had wanted to wait for his arrival to cut the cake, refusing Gemma’s offer (more like plea) to at least light up the candles to sing her happy birthday, so everyone was starving and YN had the strange feeling they were all upset. With her or with Harry she didn’t really know.

It’s not like she blamed them, the scene presented in front of them (YN waiting all day for Harry who didn’t even call to tell her he wasn’t coming; YN refusing to invite her friends because she wanted it to be just close family and she wanted to spend as much time as she could with her boyfriend) was pathetic as it was already.

She really didn’t think Harry had it in him to miss her birthday.

Everything YN could really think of was how thankful she was it was just her, Anne and Gemma. What would have happened if she had invited more people? She would have ended up looking like the fool who gets stood up at her own birthday by her own boyfriend.

They had been waiting since lunch time and it was already sunset, the now orange sky a dreadful reminder of how much time was passing and how late it was getting.

In her heart, buried deep under her hope, she knew he wasn’t coming. She knew his flight wasn’t late because he never boarded it in the first place, breaking the promise he’d made her that he’d be there for her birthday.

She tried to think about a birthday she passed without Harry, but nothing came to mind. Ever since they started dating, he’d always be there celebrating with her and making her happy on what is supposed to be a day all about her.

She tried to think how much she was willing to wait, she didn’t want to encounter in the possibility of having to wait until late night, but she knew that if she didn’t give herself an ultimatum she never would have stopped waiting for him.

“YN…” Anne interrupted her train of thoughts, once it started to get a bit chilly in the garden and the humidity was starting to get uncomfortable.

“I know.” YN interrupted her briefly, trying not to pay too much attention to the way her eyes were starting to tingle a bit, the humiliation being so bad it was starting to grow inside her like a balloon waiting to pop, “it’s okay.” She nodded, reassuring Anne, but maybe herself too - a little bit.

She shifted her gaze to Gemma, who frowned at the look on her face, “it’s okay.” She repeated, “I knew he wasn’t coming, after all, I knew.”

She could feel their eyes on her as she brought a hand up to her chest, hoping that maybe the warmth could soothe her aching heart; but nothing about her was warm.

She actually felt really cold, her hand on her chest only accentuated her panic and humiliation as she could hear her heart beat fast against her chest cage.

“I am so sorry” Anne said, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly,

“We’re certainly not leaving him any cake” Gemma joked, but her humour fell on deaf ears, because neither YN nor Anne laughed. In Anne’s opinion, there wasn’t anything to laugh about, and in YN’s… well, she wasn’t really paying any attention to her surroundings.

“Let’s go inside, love” Anne repeated once again, but this time YN nodded and got up from her chair.

She inhaled a little before heading towards the door.

Once she was inside, she felt the warm air hit her cheeks, and the sweet smell of the cake cooling off in the oven invaded her nostrils.

The cozy ambience was becoming kind of overwhelming, and she wished she could just close her eyes and be out of that damn house. The house where she spent all her best days with her boyfriend. Was he even her boyfriend anymore?

She felt sick to her stomach thinking those kinds of thoughts, but how couldn’t she? There weren’t many things she cared about like she cared about birthdays, and Harry knew it all too well.

“I think I’ll just head home…” she sighed, a heavy weight on her chest was making it harder and harder to breathe.

“Don’t you want to stay? We could eat some cake and…”

“No” she shook her head forcefully, “I just need to go home, I have to wake up early tomorrow”.

“Okay, love. I’m…” Anne began saying, but she stopped herself. There weren’t many words to say to excuse her son’s behaviour.

“Just… drive safe, okay?”

-

YN felt very alone as she laid in her bed that night; it wasn’t later than 9pm, way too early for her bedtime, but she really didn’t care, at that point she’d do whatever worked to make the day end sooner.

What was worse (if there even was something worse) was that her phone hadn’t rang one time since she’d arrived home, and that meant not only Harry hadn’t shown up to her birthday lunch, but he didn’t even feel guilty about it.

That was everything she needed to know.

She’d always been convinced chasing dreams couldn’t be harmful in anyway, and maybe for Harry it hadn’t been… but for her? What about her? Was she selfish for getting in the way of his dream of a life time?

All these questions ran through her head, a sharp pain growing behind her eyes from keeping in the tears for too long. They spiked against her eyes but she refused to let them fall, she had cried too long for him. This was really all she could do, but without even realising, she had started crying long before even getting in bed.

“Stop it” she condemned herself, pressing the tips of her fingers on her eyelids to dry the tears. “Just stop” she sobbed against her hands.

She doesn’t know for how long she laid there, and at some point she thinks she eventually stopped crying, too exhausted to let anything else out.

Before succumbing to a what she knew would be a troubled sleep, she grabbed her phone and typed a message quickly.

It read: we’re over.

-

When YN sent that text, she knew they weren’t over. They never could be, not without talking it out at first, and Harry… well he’s very stubborn, and at first, it was a quality she liked about him, but when he started calling her back to back until she answered, she reevaluated that.

Text from: Harry

I won’t stop calling until you answer the phone

I’m not joking, YN

Answer

We’re not over

Are we?

We can’t be

You can’t leave me like that

Answer the phone please

I can explain

It took her two days to call him. Two days of uninterrupted messages, two days of tears and an ache in her chest she tried to get rid of by eating tons of ice cream.

Her finger had lingered a while on the green call button before pressing it, but it only took him two rings to answer.

“YN…” he started, and he sort of sounded relieved, she has to admit that.

Like a weight had been lifted off his chest.

“Stop pestering me with all those messages.” She said firmly, “I don’t want to talk to you”.

“YN” he sighed once again, “please let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain, Harry! You missed my birthday” she said, and she tried really hard to keep her voice from breaking, but it didn’t really work.

“I know.” He said firmly, “my phone broke, I couldn’t… I didn’t know how to reach you… and by the time I got a new one, I had a concert and I couldn’t… you don’t know how these things work YN, I can’t just drop everything and run to you”.

She felt his words like a bullet piercing through her chest, “you’re right, I don’t know how these things work, but I still deserve to be treated with respect”

“I know. I know you do”.

Sometimes YN wishes Harry had never auditioned for xfactor in the first place. She knows it’s selfish but she doesn’t care. If that makes her a bad person, so be it.

If he’d never auditioned they wouldn’t be here, and she wouldn’t have to beg him for the respect he’d always showed her in the past.

“We really tried to make this work, Harry” she said in a soft voice, at this point all she could feel was defeat.

The whole situation was simply too hurtful to keep going.

“No. Stop. Don’t talk like that.” He’s quick to reply, and she could hear him get up from the bed she supposed he was sitting on.

“You missed my birthday! What am I supposed to say?”

“Enough with this birthday! I explained how things went already. You can’t just leave me like that for a single mistake”.

“But it’s not just the birthday! it’s… everything” she snapped, tired of him dragging a situation that’s been difficult long before he missed her birthday.

“Everything? You’re being unfair, YN. I tried with all I could to be present”

“But you didn’t! You never call, you’re always busy doing god knows what! -

“I’m working, YN, what do you think!” He interrupted her, but she started again with a scoff.

“I feel like I don’t know you anymore, H… buying fancy cars, hanging out with models… what? am I not enough for you anymore? Is that it? If you want out, why don’t you tell me? Why don’t you leave me?”

At that point she was certain she was crying, she could feel the warm tears streaming down her cheeks, but, in the confines of her home, she didn’t really care. Plus, it’s not like Harry hadn’t really seen her cry before.

She cried when she got her first A in maths Harry helped her study for (she had studied really hard), she cried in his arms all night when her childhood dog died (he had died an happy death at 16 years old, but still, it didn’t dull the pain), she cried to him when a mean guy called her four eyes in middle school and Harry had threatened to beat the shit out of him (she realised she loved him then), and she cried with him when he received the call he’d been selected to audition on xfactor.

All these times she’d cried, he had always been there to console her, comfort her, rubbing her back, holding her close to his chest, caressing her face with his soft hands. Where was he now, then? Why, after she threatened to end their relationship, he didn’t drop everything and hop on the first flight home? Why was she crying alone in her room?

A beat passed before he answered, and she wondered if he’s mustering up the courage to leave her. To finally do it. She hoped he would, quick and painless.

“I don’t want to leave you, even if it hurts, okay? You think it doesn’t pain me hearing you cry and not being there? It does. But I won’t give up on us. Even if it hurts, I’m not giving up. Are you?”

“I don’t know” she started, uncertain on what to say.

“No, you know, you know you love me. You do love me, right?”

“Of course I do” she reiterated, sniffling with her nose.

“That’s all that matters. We’ll get through this, I swear.”

It took a little bit more of convincing until YN finally gave in. She didn’t know how long this would go on for, how long they could make it last before going off like a grenade and destroying everything around them.

All she knew is this time, he didn’t even promise he’d come back to her soon. What did it mean? Is something not said as important as what was actually said?

-

After six months he’s been away, YN realises she should have left him that night. She would have saved herself so many missed calls, broken lines, fights and once again, tears.

Her desire to keep watering a dead plant ruined everything in the end.

She wanted out the very first moment he started missing her calls, she wanted to end it, and had she done it, by now she’d be somewhat partially healed, hanging out with her friends, checking his profile maybe once a week when she was really drunk.

But no.

These six months without him only alienated her and hurt her, and she’s finally mustered up the courage to leave him like she intended to.

It’s not a threat this time, as she tries to find the best words to leave him with.

She’s typing her message when her phone screen turns black for a fraction of a second and then his picture invades the screen.

Call from: Harry

“YN” he breathes out, not even letting her say hi to him, “I’m coming home. They told us today, I’m coming home.” he repeats, so many times he doesn’t even let her process this new information.

She doesn’t say anything, the words she has longed to hear for a long time now seem dull, like a cruel joke she doesn’t understand.

“You’re coming home?” She gulps, trying to steady her racing heart.

“Yes!” He exclaims, and then he proceeds to explain the logistics of his trip back home, how all the guys had begged for some time off and how the label finally agreed on two weeks of rest.

All YN can think about is how this is all too overwhelming to understand.

It’s been six months since she’s seen him.

How will it feel? Seeing him again after so long? Touching him? She feels like she doesn’t really know him anymore. So many things he did without her, so many people he met she doesn’t know and she will never be introduced to, so many new songs written, some that aren’t even about her.

She really wants to be happy, trust me she does, but all she can think about is how it feels like, by now, they’re as close as strangers.

[comradeocean]

"I have found myself talking out loud to you, hoping you can hear me" is a bonkers way for a celebrity to begin a public memorial statement less than 24 hrs after the death happened by someone who has possibly not personally spoken to the dead person in question for almost ten years. I cannot stop thinking about it.

In 2013, Channel 4 did a documentary called Crazy About One Direction that featured a number of high octane waaaay out there fans. I think the band was asked about it during an interview; Louis and the others basically disavowed it, saying it was an unfair representation of girls who like One Direction and the fanbase in general. He wasn't being totally selfless in sticking up for the fans, because some of those girls were profoundly sad and lonely, maybe unwell. And if your mission is to be marketed as a fun-loving carefree boyband, the last thing you'd want to be associated with are young, maladjusted, friendless girls.

Anyway, at one point, one of the girls interviewed says:

Twitter is like a prayer place. When you go to a prayer place, you feel like you’re connected to God. So when you’re on twitter, you feel like you’re connected to 1D. You just have hope. [audio description alt-text: an image of Louis as Jesus Christ]

Zayn is also the only one of the boys to have crossposted his message to twitter.

The thing about One Direction being an accident, sure, a manufactured accident, but an accident nonetheless, is that they were guileless going in, and it showed. I've been mainlining old videos this week, trying to compare those early xfactor days with their contemporaries who were trying to break out around the same time. With everyone else, it was always a band full of Liams: intensely driven little freaks. Sorry, freak is maybe too mean a word to describe that particular mix of hunger and desperation to be accomplished, to be famous, and at the bottom of it all: to be liked. There's been a conscious shaping of the persona in service of those goals: they've learned to dance, to perform, to give pitches, soundbites, hit camera marks on cue. Most of them were also older, in their early to mid twenties. It's not inconceivable to imagine such a trajectory for the most diehard theatre kid you knew from school who decided after uni or whatever ~ to follow their dreams ~. That was the more typical boyband background. (not Liam though. lad was fourteen. he was closer to another subspecies of the genus: the child star)

And 1D in contrast were unpracticed, unstudied, as Zayn put it in that slightly off-kilter way of his (which I always imagine to be indicative of a disjunction between the vocabulary one encounters in school and what everyone around them is used to speaking), "novice children."

Like, truly, they did not give a fuck cos it hadn't yet occurred to them they were supposed to. Liam aside, industry norms were a complete mystery to them, and for many years, they managed to inhabit that sweet spot of flippancy without contempt, whether it was about the project, themselves, or their audience. Liam tells the story about being the go-between for xfactor stylists and the boys and getting into so much trouble on their behalf for wearing human-sized babygrows during a video diary. "Because Westlife would never wear those." [The punchline he then delivers is that Westlife members were pictured wearing onesies soon after. (quite possibility due to how viral anything 1D-related got)]

The boys were so immature. The whole boyband thing had fallen into their laps. They were just happy to be there! This thing that they didn't even know they wanted, they somehow got, and it took the shape of four other boys in exactly the same situation. It comes across very strongly how taken they were with themselves and each other. Find yourself a guy who looks at you the way blah Larry Stylinson blah blah Ziam blah blah blah. Never mind that cos they were all actually so hyped with each other. Any time any of them says anything remotely clever, or funny, or notable, the rest of them lose their shit like they're in on the same hilarious joke. Even if there was no actual joke. Their entire existence at that point was the joke bc how on earth had they landed from where they'd been — small deadend towns hollowing out from deindustrialization — to where they ended up — the xfactor house headed for the very top about to win it all, in the way they did — saved from bootcamp elimination at the last minute, with who they did — four other working class boys they would have never been friends with in another life. It must have been a high like a kind of limerence, like finding long lost family members on the exact same wavelength, like love.

And that was the other key thing about the stratospheric rise of One Direction. We didn't love One Direction only because we loved this or that member. We loved them because they loved each other, because they loved themselves, because they loved us. And they used the internet to show it.

In 2010, mass social media platforms were in their nascence, which is to say, the exploration of how to be a person, with other people, online, at a broad level not limited to specific subcultures, was in its nascence. For many years now, given the levels of extreme over-exposure, the dominant mood has become the mortifying ordeal of being perceived and so on. We've somehow all adopted mini-celebrity mindsets of our own, weary of being exposed to the maw of an unseen public. To be known is to be surveilled.

But the boys individually and at the collective level invited surveillance back then. Because the inverse — to the surveilled is to be known — seemed more relevant for that moment, at the beginning. They made a point of living their newfound lives at least partially online.

They were constantly on twitter, they livestreamed with a dedication that rivaled x-factor video producers, and none more so than Liam. It was already reality tv, this was just the next bleeding edge of "real": the unfiltered, unedited, direct sharing of yourself and what you loved in the last days of the old free-as-in-freedom internet.

When they said, over and over again, that it was all about the fans, it was meant in a very literal sense. Social media and the reality it created produced a feedback loop between the love they had for each other and the band, and the love we had for them, until it was inseparable: their relationships, our relationships, the process itself. Parasociality as it is currently manifested might have found its first mass expression through One Direction.

In separate interviews from This is Us (2013) deleted scenes, Liam and Louis say that Zayn wears his heart on his sleeve. Yet within the best-friends-slash-brothers-for-life schema cultivated as the One Direction vibe, he did not seem necessarily exceptional in his frequent declarations of love and fellow-feeling for various band mates. What he did ultimately end up doing was pulling the trigger on the contractual form their relationships were bound within, such that the I-love-you's inevitably passed from unpracticed to rote to a mandatory matter of their livelihoods. Someone had to be the first to explicitly and consciously decide that this "love" was no longer something they could continue participating in.

From the same set of deleted interview, in a somewhat fitting twist of symmetry, Louis and Zayn go on and on (much longer than Niall or Harry) about how Liam had been the serious and sensible one, but they've managed to corrupt him a little. It makes sense to assume that Zayn is referring to the band in general, but one can also read it to mean the two of them specifically, being the eldest, and their meta-cognition of the terms and conditions imposed by One Direction as a phenomenon.

The love the members of One Direction had for each other and the band and the fans was undeniably "real." The making of that "realness" was conditioned by the x factor throwing together four boys who had very little reference for what the fuck they had gotten themselves into, and Liam. Liam was the intermediary. He was already a creature twisted up and contorting, trying his level best to wedge himself into whatever spaces there could be found in the juggernaut of the entertainment industry. His neuroses and anxieties made the rest of One Direction possible, made One Direction "real" and "not like the other boybands" because that DNA, that what-not-to-do instruction manual could just be crammed into him, and the rest of them could be let loose into the world, unburdened by expectation, free to not give a fuck.

Louis and Zayn's raw, unpolished, typo-ridden letters were the most direct and irrefutable way they knew to swear fidelity to the boy they knew, the band they built, and the lives they lived together. The unfathomable ether of the internet, of the fans, of the massed publics seen and unseen made them, it destroyed their senses of self in ways they could weather until they couldn't, and it's into this ether they send their words, their grief, something real of themselves. Because in the universe of One Direction, this is the orthopraxis by which one proclaims one's faith and one's hopes. This is the prayer place that transcends distance, time, even death. This is how their brother could somehow, some way, still feel their love.

[chrisevansonly]

Extremely Proud (blurb)

pairing: harry styles x female reader

summary: slane castle was a show you’ll never forget and you have the tears to prove it

warnings: none<3

a/n: just a lil something cause slane was literally insane, im so proud of Harry, he was so happy last night and I just wanna sob🥹

It was almost hard to see through the tears that lined your eyes as you looked out across the crowds that filled Slane’s fields and the seats near the castle. This show was not only a huge accomplishment for Harry but it also had a a lot of historical significance, a show that truly would be remembered for a long time.

Fireworks going off around you as Harry gave his all to sign of the times as he usually did, your hand coming up to wipe your cheeks every so often, Lloyd being sure to capture a few pictures of you to send to Harry later on. There was still a little bit to go until the concert was over and you’d be rushed to the airport to get back to London for his four nights at Wembley Stadium, so when Harry had a 5 min water break and bathroom break he came straight for you

“Baby…you’re crying”

“H-Happy tears m’love”

He smiled pressing a quick kiss to your lips, his thumbs catching a few more tears

“I know you don’t have long, but this is insane Harry, I-I’ve never seen anything like this”

“Yeah it’s incredible isn’t it?”

He glanced out and really took the time to look out at everyone who’d come to see him perform. Going from a teenager on x-factor not really knowing where he would go to performing in front of almost 100 thousand people, it was a surreal experience; and you were with him too, which only made it more special for the two of you.

“I’m so proud of you baby, everyday, seeing you go out there, sing your heart out and dance all night is such a beautiful thing to get to witness and be apart of..”

Harry’s arms tightened around you as you soaked up the last minute you two had together

“You are so deserving of all of this, the venues, the people, the shows, the awards, i’ve never met someone who works as hard as you, who loves their fans, team and band as much as you do…you’ve come such a long way H and I’m so f-fucking proud of you.”

You could tell Harry was trying to remain as focused as he could, not wanting to shed any premature tears; the two of you could do that on the drive to the airport tonight

“I love you so much y/n, having you here to experience these moments and celebrate with me makes it all the world…you are my world, and I wouldn’t be the man I am today without you.”

You heard someone call a 30 second warning so you pulled him in for one more kiss, arms wrapping around his back after to hold him to you for a few more seconds

“I love you H, keep shining baby, i’ll be waiting”

“I love you more darling, see you soon”

Kissing your cheek he was back off towards the stage, the crowd erupting in cheers as he started to finish his set for the night. The moon starting to come up from behind the castle as you watched Harry dance and sing his way around, everything almost becoming quiet for you as you held your gaze on him. There was no one else on this planet that deserved the love and kindness Harry was shown day in and day out by those around him.

He made it. From that teenage boy that stood on a stage for a handful of people on xfactor to the man that now stood in front of thousands of people; people that were here for him, for your Harry…he had made it, and you couldn’t be prouder.

[infamous-if]

Hey! Since the show is on its 4th season I was wondering who the last three bands who won their seasons are getting on? Is it like an xfactor/America's got talent situation where normally the runners up get more attention or are the winners doing well? Sorry if this was mentioned in the text or answered before I've literally just devoured the demo four days ago and haven't stopped thinking about it since <3

That's such a good question! Last season's winners should show up at some point in the story, but I should talk about all the winners eventually. They're doing pretty well. None of them are Misfit Alley level famous, but that's expected. As for the runner ups of their seasons they're not as successful but they definitely elevated to a level they weren't at when they first started.

[parmahamlarrie]

Welcome back to another post for the directory of fic recs on my blog! If you would like a specific theme or trope, let me know! If you would like me to reblog your fic, submit it here and I will add it to the queue! **This post will be updated as I have more fics in this theme to recommend!**

the most domestic husbands series || trackfive || 223.5k Canon, Ficlets, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Fluff Dicked Down in Europe || @greeneyesfriedrice || 40.4k Canon, Established Relationship, Travel

Casting Lines Series || ashavahishta || 27k Canon, KidFic, Future Fic

a picture of love, that’s this house || theprincessd || 13.5k KidFic, Domestic Fluff, Canon

stop the world (‘cause I wanna get off with you) || @thedevilinmybrain || 12.3k Canon Compliant, 1D Band Days, Porn with Plot

Mercedes Boy Series || @kingsofeverything || 11.7k Canon, Established Relationship, Snapshots

To Wear Your Love Series || @haztobegood || 10.8k Canon, Dom Louis, Sub Harry, Pretty much PWP

12 Pearls for 12 Years || 5secsoflarry || 6.7k  Canon, Established Relationship, D/S Dynamic, Collaring

Only Thing That Can Quench My Thirst || eyesofshinigami || 6.5k Canon, Essentially PWP

With You I Am Never Alone || LiveLaughLoveLarry || 6.2k Thanksgiving, Canon

Garden of Eden || superglass || 6.1k Established Relationship, Canon, Lots of Weed, Religion Discussions Your Ink, My Skin || @larry-hiatus || 6.1k Canon, Finger Tattoos, Dom/Sub

Missing You || @canonlarry || 6k Canon, Future Fic, Kidfic, Christmas, Humor

We Saw Ed in Berlin, and I Watched It Begin Again || LilyBlue28 || 6k ** Canon, Euro 24, Exes to Lovers, Open Ending

it’s you I want to take apart || orphan_account || 5.9k Canon, Established Relationship, Make Up, Soft

She Feels So Good || zedi || 4.1k Canon, Genderqueer Harry, Daddy Kink

whatever chains are holding you back || @lookslikefairytale || 4.1k Canon, XFactor Judge Louis, Coming Out

powerless (and I don't care) || @voulezloux || 4k Canon, Dom/Sub, Post FITFWT, Rough Sex, PWP, Daddy Kink

The Wrath of Gucci || louisunflower6 || 3.7k   Canon, Just fluffy, Some domestic bliss

Mon Petit || coffinofachimera || 3.5k Canon, Dom/Sub, Exhibitionism, Mile High Club

Sweet Mondays || sweetkalachurchi || 3.5k ** Canon, Euro 24, Exes to Lovers, One Bed, Happy Ending

Yesterday's gone (it'll be better than before) || @red-pandaaa || 3.5k ** Canon, Euro 2024, Exes to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort

Just for you || @gaycousinlarry || 3.1k Canon, Fluff, Comfort

Pimp it! || @teamlouis2022 || 3k Established Relationship, Canon, Pwp

To boyfriends everywhere - Fuck you || Rosa_000 || 3k Canon, Drunk Harry, Established Relationship, Humor

Let Me Take Care Of You || @tommokat || 2.9k Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship

living love in slow motion || ashavahishta || 2.7k Canon, Fluff, Domesticity

is my baby not satisfied? || @greeneyesfriedrice || 2.6k Canon, Knuckle Tattoos, Pwp

Advent Drabbles || @berzerkshires || 2.5k Canon, Christmas, Fun/Fluff/Humor/Mild Smut

Do you think I’m cool || @sadaveniren || 2.2k Wankfest, Canon, Dom/Sub, Long Distance

I was born like this, don’t even gotta try || @cyantific || 1.7k Domestic Fluff, PWP, Canon

written all over your face || rebarboa || 1.6k Established Relationship, Canon, Humor and Smut

Lovely, made from love || userkant || 1.4k  Canon, Harry wants a baby

Wrap Your Legs Around Me || @evilovesyou || >1k Canon, Fluff, 2 Week Rule

[fkinavocado]

do you ever just think that harry could've not gone on xfactor and continued to work in that bakery and maybe he'd have stayed in holmes chapel and he'd just be some guy walking down the streets there? and you'd go in the supermarket one day and your cart would accidentally bump into his cuz you're too distracted looking for the lactose free milk and he'd flash those dimples at you and you'd think to yourself damn. but won't act on it cuz you never do like an imbecile and then just inadvertently steal glimpses of him through the aisles and your eyes meet a couple of times until you realize he's doing the same. you try to spot a band on his finger but there isn't any and you think to yourself how cute it'd be if he'd try and strike up a conversation but of course, this is not a rom-com, it's real life, so you try and focus on your mental grocery list and eventually you find yourself at the self check-out, mindlessly scanning your items while still thinking about him, until some error prompts on the screen effectively snapping you out of your reverie and before you can call assistance a voice clears behind you and the same green eyes meet yours as he steps in and helps you figure out what the issue is, and you smile at each other and you blush at how close he's standing and how tall he is next to you, and then you take a whiff of his cologne and almost forget about your cart entirely until you see him lower his eyes bashfully when you thank him for his help and he then tells you he likes the same brand as beans as you do, and you're the first person he's known to prefer it over the usual most popular brand of beans and you both laugh at that and then he introduces himself and you shake his large hand offering him your name in return and your hands linger like that for a bit and then he invites you over to the bakery he's working at to see if you like the same pastries he does, cause if so, "wouldn't that be something?"

🥺just sayin'

[coffeeworldsasaki]

"doing 6 hours of uninterrupted work without breaks" sure okay this is doable I'll probably even have fun if I don't find a weird frustrating but

"realizing that I can only do 5 hours instead of 5 hours and half" my life has no purpose anymore what's even the point of starting

I hate that the second I realize I can't reach my daily hours goal I lose all motivation to do anything

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- FOUR Hangout

Part 45

2014

“Hello everyone we’re One Direction and this is our first Google livestream” Niall starts after we have the thumbs up to say we are now live. I sit with my legs crossed between Louis and Liam

“We wanted to do a live stream so we could answer your questions about the new album. To help us with our questions we have very good friend of our, this is Ben everyone” I introduce our friend who is sat on a single comfy chair while me and the boys are sitting on a long red sofa

“We’ve got loads of questions from the fans and we only have half an hour so let’s just get into them. So it’s been four years now that you’ve been in the band which is why I’m guessing the albums called four right?”

“Yeah and it’s also our fourth album” I reply

“So you guys are actually on the XFactor tonight. Do you get nervous when you go back there because that’s where it all started”

“It’s very like, you feel nostalgic walkin round the halls and stuff. I think we all felt under so much pressure when we were there it’s now fun because we can enjoy the environment more” Harry explains

“Do you miss the simplicity of the old days YN. Is there anything you sort of miss?” Ben asks me. The boys all turn to face me as I think

“There’s definitely aspects that I miss, like being able to go to Waitrose with greasy hair and no makeup just to pick up some food, without having to worry about photos being posted or comments made. I think that’s been the hardest part for me, just being able to I guess live my life without any cares. Don’t get me wrong I am so grateful for all of this and I love meeting fans, and I know that without this opportunity I wouldn’t have met the people I have, but yeah I think that’s what I miss the most, just not worrying so much. I think it’s calmed down now though. Like where my dad lives no one really takes any notice of me when I go around the town”

“Yeah and at the beginning it was very hectic, but things have more structure now so it’s not as chaotic I don’t think” Louis continues

“Do you find though you’re able to enjoy it more now though?” Ben asks looking at Zayn

“Yeah definitely. We get time now to go and sight see which is nice”

“Do you ever watch clips of you back in the day and look at pictures and see the change? Niall?”

“Weirdly enough the other day I was watching our old video diaries and the stuff we did on the xtra factor and me and YN were texting each other talking about how young we were, we still are but especially her and Harry are the youngest, so looking back now it’s like woah we were babies”

“Some of the outfits I wore were hideous” I laugh thinking back to our days on the xfactor “so many clashed with my hair. Why did I think bright red hair was cute?”

“I know a lot of your fans miss it”

“I don’t. The amount of times when we were on tour and the bed sheets looked like a murder scene because he went to sleep with wet hair” Liam laughs along with me

“I ruined a lot of bed sheets, towels, anything white became pink. It was a disaster”

“I liked your red hair” Harry shrugs “made you look like Ariel”

“I think the problem was you never had time to go to the hairdresser so you dyed it yourself with a box colour” Zayn says looking at me

“Yeah that’s why I’ve gone back to brown because it’s just easier”

“So you won’t be dying it again any time soon?”

“Nope” I shake my head at that question

“Did people tell you at the time what to wear and what you had to do and say or were you in control of your own decisions?”

“A little bit. I know sometimes someone would show YN a dress or whatever and she’d be adamant that she wouldn’t wear it”

“Yeah it was a bit of both really” Louis continues on from what Liam was saying

“If you could meet yourself 4 years ago is there any advice you’d give to your younger self?” Ben asks “Louis?”

“Just have a second glance in the mirror and say are you sure you want to wear this?”

“Is that really what you’d say?”

“No ok that’s just me trying to crack a joke”

“Trying being the word”

“Oi” Louis nudges me on the knee with his hand

“I think on a serious note I would have said have fun and enjoy yourself” Zayn says I nod my head agreeing with him

“We have spoken in the past and there's a lot of it in the movie about how I guess for you there was an explosion on the internet really. it was a massive part of you career, but YN you had to deal with a lot of negativity. Is it better now and how do or did you deal with that?”

“It wasn't great obviously and I did struggle with it, but I went to therapy, still do, and I just don't check comments on social media. I just try to remember that the only reason people are saying things like that is because they have something to hide behind. They are bored. Our real fans are incredible though and most of the time if there's one negative comment there will be l0 positive”

“Is there ever a time where you it's gone to far?” Ben asks

“Definitely. Theres been comments telling YN to hurt herself or worse. I think some people forget that we are actual people and we all have feelings. We’re all so young and we can all be a little self conscious at lines so we just make sure we’re all ok and check in with each other” Liam tells Ben

“ Lets talk about the album. What were the songs that your most proud of? Zany let’s start with you, what is your favourite song on the album?”

“Erm I really like Where Do Broken Hearts Go” all of the boys seem to agree

“ I think Liams going to agree with me, but we fell in love with fire proof” Louis says

“YN?”

“ I love Fools Gold and Stockholm Syndrome. I'm actually so excited to sing them on tour”

“ Ok this is a recurring question. What is Stockholm syndrome about and what does it mean?”

“YN since it’s on of your favourites do you want to explain?” Louis looks at me with a smile

“Well erm ok it’s… harry you explain”

“It’s kinda along the lines of what Stockholm Syndrome is so”

“What is it?” Ben asks

“YN?” Harry looks at me but I shake my head “well it’s when you develop a relationship or feelings towards your kidnapper”

“And how much experience do you have with being kidnapped”

“Well I mean a couple times to be honest” harry jokes with a straight face which makes me laugh

“Is there any tracks from your other albums that you don’t like now?”

“I think there’s songs maybe we individually don’t resonate with anymore, or we don’t particularly like to sing anymore, but to say we dislike any of our songs would be a stretch. We all have our own tastes and styles ya know so a song I love one of these boys may not enjoy as much” I say looking at Ben “I think it’s important to be proud of all of the songs. I’ll always look back at the songs with fondness. Certain ones I can pin point locations and memories so yeah I don’t think I could dislike any of them”

We wrap up the interview having been talking for like 40 minutes about our music.

[pop-punklouis]

it's nice to encounter empathetic people around here... i've been a huge 1D fan when i was 14-17 - joined when this is us came out... i haven't been part of the fandom in years but became nostalgic a couple of days ago, after watching some of the videos about liam's controversies that had been popping up. 2 days ago i even saved the old xfactor auditions to watch for later, sometime during this week... i was honestly so shocked when i read the news today. i truly didn't believe it. i was sure that it had to have been fake news...

i rewatched this is us after getting back from work (for the first time in over 10 years) and have been sitting in my dark room trying not to cry, reflecting on the future that will never come to be... i think this is what is so tragic about the whole situation (apart from the obvious grief) - this lost hope, this knowledge that he will never get the chance to make amends for his mistakes or find happiness again... seeing his parents in the documentary was too damn painful, hearing them 'mourn' the young liam who went out for an audition and never came back...

i don't spend as much time online recently as i did in the past, and try to curate my experiences here on tumblr even more than ever. after getting out of my own depressive episode i noticed how toxic the tumblr environment can be, how unforgiving. people on here, while kind and hopeful in some ways, can also be incredibly cold and desensitized in others... so thank you so much for being the more positive, kind and safe presence.

for anyone struggling: remember to be kind to each other. build each other up instead of tearing each other down. don't lose yourself to online spaces and loneliness. always remember to spend some time outside with friends, family or pets. learn to appreciate each happy moment. life does get better.

yes, this is such a great message. sending you so much love and so many hugs. it’s definitely unfortunate that this has reopened the conversation of checking on others you love and to be as kind as you can because there’s so little of it in the world right now.

[ifancyharry]

Close as strangers

Harry hurried down the hallway all the way to his room, sliding the key card against the key-reader, unlocking the door and pushing it open with his palms pressed against it.

He quickly removed his shoes, tossing them near the door, before plopping down on the hotel bed, his back against the headboard.

He fished out of his skinny jeans his phone, grimacing at the screen that read 3 missed calls from ‘Angel <3’.

He sighed as he unlocked it, typing hurriedly the number he knew by heart on the keyboard, and putting it on speaker, too tired to hold the phone to his shoulder for the call.

He waited for her to pick up as he listened to the incessant ringing of the line.

“Pick up, pick up” he whispered, biting at the skin of his thumb to suppress his sighs.

He knew he was late. And he felt like he could only imagine the disappointment YN felt when he didn’t answer her call.

He and YN had picked out a specific time throughout the day where the both of them had to be available. No matter what the other was doing, at 7 o’clock they had to answer the phone, which was a pretty understandable rule, and Harry had found it easy to comply to it at first, excusing himself to take a call or getting covered by his band mates if he couldn’t make up an excuse quickly enough. But with time, his schedule had gotten really busy.

And he sometimes missed her calls.

He wasn’t the fresh out of XFactor sixteen year old he’d been when they first started dating. He was Harry from One Direction now, and despite him feeling as the same shy guy that worked in a bakery, life around him had changed, and with it, his relationship.

He knew how she was; he knew she wasn’t answering because she was upset. And Harry really didn’t blame her, but he just didn’t find it reasonable to be upset (“stubborn little thing! — he’d say, once she had calmed down and answered the phone — It doesn’t benefit neither of us if you don’t pick up ‘cause you’re mad!”).

He rolled his eyes once the line went dead, and opened the text app instead, typing quickly with his fingers.

Baby pick up I wanna talk to you

After a couple of minutes, he wrote again: please

I miss you

And after that, he tried the line once again. This time, she picked up after five rings with a small “hello?”, her voice sounded croaky distorted from the phone.

“Hello angel. I’m sorry I didn’t answer.”

“It’s okay”, and Harry felt her sigh through the phone, “i was thinking we should push back the calls until you’re back…”

“What?”

“I know you’re pretty busy,” she said, sternly, “and I don’t want to bother you.”

“What?” Harry repeated, and once he realized he already asked that, he cleared his voice and said: “you could never be a bother”.

YN couldn’t see him but she knew he was shaking his head. She tried not to picture the frown in his brows and the pout in his face, otherwise she couldn’t possibly keep going.

“Things are different now—”

“No.” He cut her off, “don’t say that, angel. Nothing’s changed. It’s still us.”

“Harry” she softened her tone to make sure he really understood her, “it’s still us. — she nodded firmly to herself — I think it’s best if we stick to texting for now. It’s okay.”

“Okay… okay, if that’s - if that’s what you want. Okay.”

“It’s better this way” she sighed once again and Harry felt her breathing through the phone, her shaky breath loud in his ears as if it were his own.

“But we’re good, right? Tell me we’re good.”

“Yes, of course we’re good.”

Harry nodded, staying quiet as the words she’d just spoken lingered in the air between them. Despite being so far away he could almost feel her right next to him as she kept talking, unaware of the heavy weight he felt on his chest making it a little harder to breathe, the sudden realization that maybe they weren’t good after all.

Hi lovelies!!! I was cleaning my drafts and I saw this thing I wrote ages ago, based on Close as strangers by 5sos. Lmk if it’s something you’d like to read and I will publish the whole thing!

[whimsiwitchy]

8, 18, 23 (for the ask game) xxx

I posted two ask games back to back like a dumb dumb so i'm not sure which one this is for so i'll do both for good measure lmao.

soft asks

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

omg I know i'm probably gonna miss a few but I thought of you guys first! I love every interaction, conversation, or comments y'all leave. Y'all always make my day! @chronicallybubbly @pedroscurls @ronin-111 @princessanglophile @quillycrow @moonangxl @dissentientss

18. do you still love stuffed animals?

I was never a big stuffed animal type of gal. I think I own like two of them but I do think they're really cute!

23. favorite piece of clothing?

I love love loveeee a good crewneck. they kinda give grandma but like in a hot way lmao. they're super cute and I have so freaking many of them that I'm waiting to wear. (it's literally fall but my city is just now breaking out off the 100s)

uncomfortable asks

8. where are you from?

I was born in louisiana but we moved when I was 13. I've been in California for about 9 years now.

18. do you want children?

absolutely not. I've had moments where I've thought about it and I know i'd be a good mom butttt....as the oldest of five kids (all brothers), I did a lot of babysitting growing up. I literally feel like I raised my youngest brother. kids are a lot to handle and I can't do that to myself.

23. have you ever met any celebrities?

cheetah girls (minus raven) emblem3 (some band that was on xfactor idk if they still make music lmao) billy the exterminator (he's a celeb in my eyes 😭) i've also met some youtubers but idk if they'd be considered celebrities lmao. It was all at some even in LA in like 2016/2017 tana mongeau carly and erin ricky dillon scotty sire gabbie hanna