#xb cleo

[joehills]

Someone asked for Christmas Hermit song ideas on reddit fifteen hours ago and I worry no one will see my suggestions there

• Good King RenTheDog • Welsknight before Christmas • I saw xB Dissing Santa Claus • Blockin' Around the Christmas Tree • Jingle Bell Block • Keralis Navidad • You're a Grian one, Mr. Grinch • Let Etho! Let Etho! Let Etho! • I'll BDoubleO for Christmas • Cleo Holy Night • Christmas Scar • xB, it's Cold Outside

[horse-head-farms]

everyone has that one rarepair that makes complete sense and has so much backing yet gets no content. so um. xbleo time.

[locusfandomtime]

Bdubs’ “SCAR IS TRYING TO MAKE US ALL FURRIES” thing in his video surprised me so much that I instantly had to pause the video and sketch it. I hope you enjoy my hermit furry alignment chart as well. The only non-explanatory one here is Joe, who I think would make a sparkle dog fursona and like, he isn’t really a furry but he enjoys the culture and dresses up from time to time.

[t4t4tclethian]

The moment Joel realizes he has a crush on xB is, objectively, quite a funny one. He’d almost certainly be laughing about it if it had been anyone else. As it is, though, he’s hopping mad, extremely indignant, and deeply embarrassed about the whole thing. Who ever heard of a hitman falling for their mark? (Well, a lot of people have- it’s a whole romance cliche for a reason. But it wasn’t supposed to actually happen!)

(ao3 link)

————————————————

It had all started a few days earlier, when Joel had been hanging out with the other Magical Mountaineers in the breakroom. Gem and Impulse were poring over some papers together, Skizz was on a phone call in the corner, Mumbo was politely watching as Scar fumbled through some magic tricks, and Grian was sitting on the couch with Joel, listening to him rant about his failures at killing xB (he’d drawn the short straw). Everything was normal.

And then, when Joel paused his tirade to take a breath, Grian said those fatal words. “From the way you talk about this guy, Joel, it’s almost like you’ve got a crush on the mark!”

Which was ridiculous, of course! He does blummin’ not, thank you! His relationship with xB was a perfectly platonic contract killing, and Joel is a professional! He knows better than to fall for his target, and he indignantly tells Grian as much.

But, of course, Grian is Grian, and the second he senses he’s touched a nerve he doubles down. And so he did.

“Contract killing? Give me a break, Joel! Your contract on this guy expired ages ago, and you’re not the type to work for free.” Grian’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he continued to needle at Joel. “Admit it, there’s something else going on here, isn’t there?”

Joel spluttered, and took a deep breath as he glanced around the room. Fuck. Everyone had stopped what they were doing to listen in on him and Grian now. He had to say something to throw them off or he would never be able to live this conversation down.

“My contract might be done, but unlike some people I finish the things I start, thank you very much!”

Grian squawked in indignation, and as he did so the others chuckled and turned back to their own conversations, unfounded accusations of romance forgotten. Grian’s tendency to leave things unfinished was well-known, and something that every assassin at Magic Mountain had teased him over many times.

But that thought refused to leave his brain. It had wiggled its way in like a worm. Did he have a crush on xB? Is that why he kept coming back when any sane person would’ve just given it up already? And the answer, of course, is no. All of Joel’s actions here have perfectly reasonable and professional explanations.

————————————————————

Joel waits patiently on the rooftop across from Horse Head Farmer’s Market (which, despite the name, is actually a grocery store/money laundering scheme, not a farmer’s market), rifle at the ready, just as he has been for the past three and a half hours. You can’t rush a good sniping, after all, and xB’s schedule varies enough that Joel’s never quite sure when he’ll head out for lunch. (He’s pretty sure xB has done this specifically to spite Joel- the guy’s obsessed with him.)

Yes! Finally! xB steps out of the store, starts walking down the street, and- turns to look at Joel’s rooftop, makes direct eye contact with him, and gives him a friendly little wave, the infuriatingly sincere kind that makes Joel want to kill him even more. Dammit. He’s been caught. Also, wow, even from here Joel is a little wowed by how blue xB’s eyes are. Or maybe he’s just remembering how they look, because there’s no way Joel can actually see his eyes from here. They are definitely a very nice blue, though, and oh, huh, Joel realizes that Lizzie has blue eyes, too. Maybe he’s got a thing for blue-eyed people, and- OH SHIT RIGHT HE’S KILLING THIS GUY.

Joel fires, because even if he’s been discovered a vantage point is still a vantage point. Of course, xB somehow manages to not be in the bullet’s path, just like he always does, and then he gives Joel a disapproving look, like he’s actually disappointed Joel didn’t do a better job at trying to kill him.

God, he’s so cute, Joel’s brain has the audacity to think, like it’s trying to add insult to insult to injury. To Joel’s horror, he realizes in this moment that he’s had dozens, maybe even hundreds of thoughts like this, that just slipped through the cracks and went unnoticed.

Then, xB smiles at him again before heading on his way, and Joel falls off of the rooftop. He has time to think, Oh, I’m gonna kill Grian, as he plummets towards the ground. And then, everything goes dark, and he dies.

[simplydm]

Martyn has such a lovely voice

[shade-e-e-es]

Forever ago I said I’d be going through my sketchbook that I finished and dumping a bunch of sketches so here we go. YAY!

(That last one is Ren with an arm coming out of his mouth)

[cosmosisfold]

we need more hermit apocalypse fics. and we need xb to be far too well equipped to deal with them

[redstonedust]

"you and me get eachother xb" "i trust you" "did you know [the crown] is mine now?" "well thats where it belongs!" THE XB CLEO DYNAMIC ENTHUSIAST IN ME IS FEASTING TODAY LADS

[blocky-tides]

confirmed monarchs of hermitcraft:

rendog - appointed by bdubbs to be the king of hermitcraft

falsesymmetry - queen of hearts, heads, and body parts

zombiecleo - the spider queen

xbcrafted - keralis's princess

[echoglitch]

I just realized that I have not shown my new sketch’s of Hermitcraft x Epic the musical!!

So updates:

Grian-Ody

Scar- Penelope

Cleo- Hera

Tango-Circe

Skizz- Apollo

Impulse -Heppaestus

Joel- Ares

Lizzy- Aphrodite 

XB- Siren

Joe- Aeolus

And that’s who has been drawn so far!

[jestroer]

Xbralis old toxic married couple vibes are through the roof in Cleos new episode

[joehills]

My latest #hermitcraft vid is live!

Ir's got my first 4 matches of the HermitCraft TCG Season 2 tourney, against xB, iJevin, Grian, and Cubfan135—plus some scoreboard and game-tracking construction with Cleo!

I spent extra time to render the replaymod POVs in 4k, please try that if you have the right kind of screens to enjoy it! I think it really helps show the detail of the TCG cards!

[horse-head-farms]

Cleo and her various t4t relationships

[locusfandomtime]

I’ve been thinking lately about how the mlp fandom had “creepypasta” (or just generally weird and evil) versions of all the characters and had an extended universe where they were all fucked up but still friends and I think that’s so funny and I think the hermitcraft fandom should do that too.

Skulk/vex Cub, Geminislay, dungeon master Tango, vex Scar, Ren the King, demon Impulse, jungle Bdubs, Zedeath/evil scientist Zedaph, eldritch horror Keralis, fucked up watcher Grian, Beetlejhost, etc should all come together and torment people as best friends forever.

[radi0dontt]

friends

[simplydm]

I think the faceless hermits should all meet up and face reveal only to each other