#xander: actually tries to be normal for once

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 16: Initial Thoughts

Sorry for missing episode 15 :(

That being said, oh my god, Chapter 2 is actually complete! This is so exciting! I'm really hyped to talk about this episode and give my not-live summary of my live reactions!

SPOILER WARNING FOR DRDT THROUGH THE END OF CH 2!!!

CW: Murder, sacrifice, suicide

The Reactions

12-1, this time. I'm still personally partial to the extra vote on Teruko last Trial being Arei (being petty about her "I'm voting for you no matter what" thing), so I would assume Ace is the Teruko vote. If so, I do think it's interesting that he voted Teruko as opposed to, like, Nico. Then again, it might be that it's just more convenient for DRDTdev to consistently put the extra vote on Teruko, lol.

Notably, the dead people have "N/A," not 0. We probably could tell this because of Xander last time, but I didn't check. I wonder if this implies we won't ever need to vote for someone dead (ex. a mastermind who "died" earlier in the killing game).

I'm free... I can read whatever Eden says as genuine...

Take THAT, Whit time loop theorists /j

I do think it's funny/kinda telling? that Whit is only saying this after the trial is over. Like, I feel like the normal time to go "oh my god we're having another trial" is, like... when you find the body? So, it's interesting that his reaction is so delayed.

So, I don't know if this was an intentional parallel, but...

These feel similar to me. I really like the Ace/Arei parallels, where they're both chronically hated people, but Arei apologizes and tries to change whereas Ace lets the fear and paranoia consume him until there's no turning back. Ace only says this after he's already been found guilty of murder; Arei says this before promising to change her ways to the victim of her bullying.

Teruko out here hopping on that self-blame train.

It's so funny how different Hu's standards are when talking about Ace's murder vs. Nico's attempted murder. Like... Hu this is what everyone was telling you like an hour ago. What.

It's really interesting that we're highlighting this line. I wonder if this is part of a theme that we're going to explore further, maybe tied into the "all murderers have to be punished" thing. Or maybe Eden isn't actually accurate here, but doesn't know it; has Ace killed someone in the past?

Fun trick you can do here!

When we first met Teruko a week ago, she was the same person, certainly, but she was also different. She was happier, and she trusted people more.

There are so many good character parallels in DRDT. The Ace/Teruko one was really interesting in this post-trial.

Ooh, new flavor of J anti-murder! This seems to be broadening it to also being critical of the killing game, which would go against my weird hypothetical "J is anti-murderer but also the mastermind" read.

It's interesting, with how this is Ace's logic. It makes total sense for his character, though. I think it's easy for us, the viewers, to forget the fact that the characters probably don't have the precedent of "every blackened ever always loses." When Ace is running the odds, he thinks his survival odds were better as a killer than as a participant in the killing game. And y'know, considering how close he came to dying as Nico's victim, that's kinda fair.

I desperately want to know what Levi was going to say here.

I really like the fact that Ace DID care about Levi. That he intrinsically cares about him, but he knows factually that he isn't supposed to like or trust someone in a killing game. That once he killed Arei, he had to resolve to kill everyone in the killing game, even Levi.

The only way Ace knew to prevent himself from caring was to stay mad, I guess. Kinda unfortunate though, considering that I do think Levi wanted to patch things up with him genuinely.

Meanwhile, Levi, who doesn't understand emotions, is just like "man what the fuck. That makes no sense."

What a pair. I'm sad we're not going to get to see their dynamic anymore :(

In other words, I'm back on the Levi survivor train baby! My biggest problem with it before was that I thought Ace was gonna survive and I didn't think Ace and Levi were both gonna survive, so now we're locking tf in!

This is fun! I always wonder why more people don't try stuff like this. Like... shoot your shot. You're gonna die otherwise, soooo...

Great animation as always

I think it's really funny that Teruko is so fucking mad that she bullies Ace into action. Like, that's so fitting for both of them.

I love using this David expression here. He's just like, "was it that easy? Why was I trying to throw the trial then???"

aaaaAAAAAAAA--

What the fuck!! XF-Ture mention!!!!!!!!

I like the spooky vibe MonoTV has for this post-trial, but I do hope we get our normal silly lil guy back next chapter. I like the MonoTV personality we see all the time. I'm gonna miss it if it just died like that :(

I am also squinting so hard at everyone's reactions through "who is the mastermind" goggles. Maybe I'll analyze them in a different post sometime.

Fascinating purpose. Not "to create despair." Not "to run the killing game until only one participant survives." To kill everyone.

Does this include whichever mastermind?

Why does whoever programmed MonoTV want to kill all of these people? Are they being punished for something?

This countdown sequence fucked me up. The tensions and emotions are so high. Even as someone who was confident that Teruko, at least, wasn't going to die no matter what, I was so on edge. I got really scared that Eden was going to take the hit for Teruko, though, and that's what I was reading into when I wasn't sure Eden would make it to Chapter 3.

This speech, more than any other one Teruko has made or any actions she's taken or endured, really made me feel for Teruko. The fact that she can so casually talk about truly traumatic and horrific things happening to her, while smiling, truly shows how much she's grown used to it. Like, girl. You don't deserve this. What.

The character work on Teruko especially this episode is just fantastic. No words.

This panel stressed me out so bad because it was really just a question of WHO took the bullet for Teruko. Like, if she's thinking this, someone clearly did.

My bets were on either Eden, Charles, or Ace.

Levi, though, was such a surprise to see. Like, in a good way. It means so much.

First of all, it's a callback to the end of the prologue. Levi attacks MonoTV, and when MonoTV tries to kill him in response, Teruko's danger sense alerts her. It's only through Teruko warning Levi to move that Levi dodged the main attack, resulting in only an arm injury rather than death. Now, Levi returns her favor, preventing her from dying from attacking MonoTV.

Second, it puts Ace into the position we see of having to confront the possibility of Levi's death. I got the distinct sense that they wanted Ace to be able to do something heroic on his way out, to prove all the haters wrong (which is why I thought it was possible he'd take the hit for Teruko instead of Levi). By putting Levi, pretty clearly the person he cares most about, into harm's way, it makes Ace take action. It means that he HAS to confront the fact that he cares Levi, and that he has to die.

And, thirdly... I am so fascinated to learn why Levi did this. Was it as simple as a transactional, "you saved me from execution before?" Is it "I thought saving someone would make me a good person?" Does Levi actually feel some remorse for Teruko in this moment, causing him to take action?

No matter what his reasoning, I can't wait to hear from him. I strongly suspect Levi won't actually die from this (at the very least, I hope not, because I really want to hear more from him), but even if he does, hopefully we'll still get some more insight in a bonus episode or a flashback or something.

I'm trying to figure out what triggered Whit here.

This is immediately following "The elevator won't open," but it also definitely can just correlate to "[person] will die if they don't receive immediate medical treatment." I have to assume that something here is reminding Whit of his mom...?

With the weird "Whit knows a lot about hanging" earlier, I got the impression that Whit's mom probably hung herself. From this, I would probably theorize that Whit found her while she was still alive, but not quickly enough to save her. Yikes.

Anyways, I think that means everyone has some kind of despair sprite now! That's fun!

o7

I'm sure many have pointed this out, but do we think he's counting himself here (Arei + Ace + Levi = 3), or do we think he feels responsible for someone else's death in his past (probably Taylor)? I'd lean towards the second one.

Y'know, before I thought Arturo was just pressed about the surgeon thing because people were unfairly hating on him. This, at least, I think implies something relating to Felicity.

Arturo doesn't have any experience saving lives. He left, and Felicity died. He can't save lives; he's only responsible for Felicity's ending. I think that's how he sees it.

On a side note, I think there's a very definite possibility that Chapter 3 cold opens on Arturo saving Levi's life??? Like, how Chapter 2 started with Eden POV, I think Chapter 3 could start with Arturo taking his shot at healing Levi, eventually resulting in Levi stabilizing. I'm not sure who would be there with him. Possibly Hu, since she was leading the "let's get Levi to the infirmary" effort...?

I love executions like this. Accirax has said before that the best executions are what make their recipient feel the most despair, and that's definitely what they did with Ace here. Put the talent aside; fear is what Ace fears the most.

Uhhhh. I'm pulling an Accirax. Part 2 in reblog!

[thatseitagremlin]

gremlyn's danganronpa: despair time x digimon au

born to draw / world is a fuck / blender em all / i am au man / 410,757,864,530 unfinished wips /ref

everyone in the image is in elementary school age. this started because i wanted to draw kid charles in a stupidly oversized lab coat and stupidly oversized square glasses and it spiraled into this (though the au itself has been in the works for far longer)

as usual, yapping about the au under cut! but there is a LOT of text down there holy Shit. allusions to Certain DRDT Character Development Spoilers; knowledge about digimon isn't necessary but will be helpful! :)

the au's bones / plot summary

ultimate titles and hope's peak academy do not exist in this universe. the tragedy never happened. everyone still has their respective talents, which helps some characters (e.g. min is a normal student living an average life) and hurts others

mai akasaki is this universe's first ever chosen child / digidestined. she encounters her partner digimon, makes all kinds of friends (everyone else in the pic except teruko) who she loves dearly (even if all of them drive her up the wall in their own unique ways), and eventually (high school age), all of them get isekai'd to the digital world!! they get to go on a fun adventure and improve as people and be closer friends!!!!!

until the part where mai dies an untimely, Brutal death during the final battle. which was Not Supposed To Happen. Whoops!

her death and the circumstances surrounding it cause her friend group to fracture, and most of them do not cope well at all.

i'll probably make a separate post for this, but tl;dr after the final battle; hu and ace initially stay in the digital world to clean up the final battle's aftermath, with differing outlooks on life -> charles has a breakdown + remembers his buried childhood memories, preventing him to function for a good while -> whit tries to take care of him just as he once did but his shitty coping mechanisms and refusal to acknowledge anything make the overall group disorder even worse -> david secludes himself in the digital world after a week of no contact -> xander tries looking for him and david avoids him. worst situationship in existence -> j and arei run away from their respective families and stay together. funniest situationship in existence -> arei realizes how fucked everyone is and is determined to honor mai's memory by keeping tabs on everyone and making sure her stupid friends will be alright

a few years after (depending on how old everyone actually is in canon— college age?), when things have somewhat settled and half of them (arei, j, ace, charles) have moved on, working for their futures, a message from mai's partner digimon is sent to everyone. it's something along the lines of "Bring* Teruko Tawaki to the Digital World and we'll revive** Mai"

*teruko would probably die in exchange

**they don't know and can't know in what form would mai Hypothetically come back in

teruko is just trying to survive with her scraggly cat who she definitely does not project onto. now she has to fend off a bunch of weirdoes with their own funny animals that are trying to?? kidnap her???????? her bad luck kicks in and an innocent stranger (eden) gets dragged into this mess too so she's morally obligated to let said innocent stranger get away as far as possible. (un?)fortunately, eden wants everyone to be happy, so she isn't leaving until teruko's safety is also guaranteed

teruko and eden get front seats to mai's friends having too many internal conflicts and moral crises about potentially sacrificing an uninvolved stranger's life to bring their friend back

i have no idea how this ends. i just want to do some Character Building (bullying my blorbos)

digimon & crest assignments (major characters)

people who at least know of digimon adventure will now notice that all of the digimon here are the baby forms of partners relevant in digimon adventure continuity. it is very much intentional! ^w^

in this universe, digimon partners are "reflections of their human partner's souls", and can be roughly categorized into three groups: those who resemble their human, those who resemble their human's ideal self, and those who are direct manifestations of their human's problems

it is indeed possible for one to project onto their digimon

everyone meets their digimon partners during childhood. since the digimon hatch and grow up in the "real world", they take a while to evolve, and seem to change along with their humans

also this is where i put the disclaimer. i use jp terms and names 95% of the time soryr if you grew up with the dub :pensive:

hu: puroromon -> morphomon, crest of love. happy little butterfly :> butterflies represent change and rebirth, but hu's partner can't evolve like everyone else's partners even after their adventure? even after all these years, morphomon is still stuck in her child stage? how strange...

(morphomon evolves to hudiemon in arc 2 after hu finally accepts that things have changed irreversibly and she has to move on from the past, too)

ace: tokomon -> patamon, crest of courage. the direct manifestation of ace's fears, fate has seen it fit to give him exposure therapy by making patamon a snappy little dog that evolves to a horse (unimon).

(patamon -> unimon -> manticoremon -> kentaurosmon? i can't decide the final stage quite yet, but since his character substansially grows in arc 1, he unlocks said final stage before the end of arc 1)

david: tsunomon -> gabumon, crest of hope. i had to give xanvid agumon and gabumon because... You Know. whatever they're having good luck with that shit! gabumon's thing about being a reptile that wears a beast's fur coat to seem tougher is a. masking thing. i think. gabumon also could behave like how david was as a child

(gabumon -> garurumon -> weregarurumon -> cresgarurumon. yellow. cresgarurumon is unlocked during the final battle but can't be accessed again until after david and xander finally have a successful mutually civil conversation)

xander: koromon -> agumon, crest of light. protagonist energy. agumon is like a second xander and they constantly enable each other

(agumon -> greymon -> metalgreymon -> blitzgreymon. red. blitzgreymon is unlocked during the final battle but can't be accessed again until after david and xander finally have a successful mutually civil conversation)

good place to mention that i could swap david and xander's crests (david light / xander hope) and it'd still work. i personally interpret light as living and valuing life, even with the destinies and purposes one is burdened with, and that's why i gave it to the man with the definition of survivor's guilt hidden in his bio. also haha david "dubious protag" chiem and the funny h word. i would need to blender these two longer to pin down their crests once and for all but i'm leaning towards david hope / xander light for now

j: mochimon -> tentomon, crest of integrity / reliability. the juxtaposition of cute, squishy mochimon vs a ladybug that emits ELECTRICITY that evolves to even COOLER and SCARIER bugs!? tentomon is also more sympathetic than j to contrast them being the most judgmental person in this cast

(tentomon -> kabuterimon -> atlurkabuterimon blue -> rhinokabuterimon. unlocked before the end of arc 1 when j starts being more understanding of others without renouncing their own moral compass)

arei: pyocomon -> piyomon, crest of friendship. piyomon used to be the snappier, harsher one to protect arei from her sisters, but as they grew up, it's almost like their personalities reversed somehow...?

(piyomon -> cockatrimon -> delumon -> griffomon. the only stage that can fly is griffomon. unlocked before the end of arc 1 after arei's ch2e13 speech)

charles: tanemon -> palmon, crest of knowledge. plant baby that i jokingly call "charles jr" in my notes, just because the thought of palmon being charles' lab assistant and wearing goggles + labcoat was really cute...

(palmon -> sunflowmon -> toropiamon -> hydramon. poisonous guys. probably unlocked before the end of arc 1? i'm still figuring out how charles' arc would work if he grew up with whit, because on one hand a friend would help him, but on the other said friend is Whit Young and all the backstory involved with him)

whit: pukamon -> gomamon, crest of sincerity / purity. gomamon is more responsible than her partner though she's still pretty chill. i want to make her behave like whit's (idealization and idolization of his) mom, but it's probably gonna take like 5 years until he says anything more about her

(gomamon -> rukamon -> piccolomon? -> marinangemon. piccolomon was the best link i could figure out between a dolphin and a holy-adjacent sea angel. also this man is NOT getting marinangemon until late arc 2 at least. he needs the entire party to talk sense to him)

mai: nyaromon -> tailmon, crest of miracles. for Plot Reasons tailmon is silly!monotv. goofy and self-deprecating and makes shitty jokes. disappeared after mai's death and returns after a timeskip to implore mai's friends to bring it teruko tawaki

(tailmon -> kabukimon -> ofanimon. it's a lucky coincidence that kabukimon happens to be a tailmon armor evo. final stage unlocked during the final battle)

teruko: nyaromon. it looks like one at least. it's totally a nyaromon guys it's just like mai haha -> meicoomon, crest of fate. a scared kitty :( the manifestation of what remains of teruko's wish to have friends and trust others. meicoomon also appears to drive other digimon berserk just by being near them for long periods of time; a variation of teruko's bad luck, and the reason why these two are basically bound to each other. since teruko's bad luck hurts other people and meicoomon's "bad luck" hurts other digimon

(meicoomon -> meicrackmon vicious mode -> raguelmon. you know. probably a late evolver?)

eden: petitmeramon -> solarmon, crest of kindness. she isn't here but she's the most important character who i didn't draw. Sorry Eden. but solarmon is also like a second eden and they constantly enable each other

(solarmon -> clockmon. it's not that eden isn't getting development, it's just that i need clockmon to be plot relevant and i don't know what the two stages after could possibly be.)

digimon assignments (minor characters)

everyone in this part is irrelevant to the larger plot but i didn't wanna completely leave them out, esp since thinking of their hopes peak-less backstories could be really fun!!

however i have No Idea about what digimon most of these evolve to aside from like. canon stuff

min: minomon -> wormmon. bookworms :>

rose: budmon -> lalamon. silly plant thing :> they're -_- and :o buddies. evolves to togemon

nico: bowmon -> loogamon. as a nod to survive, i think loogamon is the one partner who can't talk in human language, but is very expressive? and nico quickly learns how their partner communicates and how to communicate with their partner

veronika: pagumon -> porcupamon. i had to give her the Spooky Bear Digimon there was no other way around it.

levi: tsumemon -> bemmon. ourple. generally the "unnatural" / unknown digimon tend to be purple, i just picked bemmon since it's probably getting a new evoline in liberators soon

arturo: puyoyomon -> jellymon. i had Absolutely Zero Idea for this guy and settled on Ghost Game's bastard of a jellymon because i want them to beef with each other

backstories and situations

mai is a perfectly normal girl with a loving family and many friends. her partner digimon isn't a "partner" in the same way everyone else's digimon are, but rather an individual (hence the monotv-like personality) who "chose" mai to be the hero of a predetermined story. a story that would end in its heroes becoming better people, having hope for the future

not all heroes succeed, though

charles and whit are childhood friends! yippee! they've been friends and stayed friends throughout most of their lives :) elliot and whit's mom still die, and charles still forgets about the former and possibly the latter :) i wonder where whit got those coping mechanisms from aha :D

i don't have concrete ideas for anyone else's backstory yet Sorry

the digimon partners could pass off as plushies in their baby forms but most of the cast probably had to spill the beans when they evolved to their child-sized forms forms

ryan keeps tempting j to unleash tentomon everytime paparazzi annoy them, to which the only thing stopping j from doing so is tentomon himself. elliot bullies palmon in the same way he bullies charles (affectionately). elizabeth treats gomamon like an actual dog and their neighbors think the young household has a dog who loves swimming a lot. patamon and agumon are popular with their partners' younger siblings. piyomon actually has successfully attacked arei's sisters

i think it'd be really funny if eden is popular enough in town to inexplicably at least know about the non-relevant characters + their digimon, no matter how unlikely. maybe classmates with min and rose, met nico in a cat cafe and stayed in contact, levi works nearby, saw arturo and jellymon argue in public

i'm not a shipper by any means, so i can't and won't write explicitly romantic relationships. but if it helps, my initial thoughts for relationships were queerplatonic charwhit, jarei situationship where neither of them know or care wtf they're doing, xanvid broken pedestals and breaking up in every way possible, and hu + ace... whatever you call "most divorced pair of people despite 1) never marrying and 2) one of them being a gay man". feel free to do your own spin on things though!

also little fun tidbit: the digimon's base colors (except teruko's nyaromon) are colorpicked from digimon world championship sprites just as a fun little challenge, and the color-coded lineart is meant to showcase that they're digital lifeforms physically existing in the real world

[gilverrwrites]

Michael/Reader, 1.6K words Established vee dynamic: Michael/Adam & Adam/Reader, which will evolve into a triad. [1/3] Four things you explain to Michael, and one thing he explains to you. [X][2][3]

Chapter 1: Buffy, Bussin', and Kiss-Cams.

It took a while to get there but telling the differences between Adam and Michael had been easier than expected. Like now for example. If Adam was manning their body he would have slouched beside you on the couch, helped himself to your snacks, and asked you about your day. Instead, Michael stood, looming in the doorway of the living room. His stance is like a soldier at attention, head high, shoulders straight, watching you with no expression. 

“Hello, Michael.” You greeted. “How are you today?” 

“I am well.” He approaches, situating himself between you and the TV screen. “What is this?” 

“I’m good too, thank you for asking.” Social queues will likely never be his thing. “This is a TV show.” 

“I am aware.” His shoulders sag briefly, unamused by your sarcasm. Whether he understood that you were teasing is a mystery, he likely thinks that you’re an idiot who thinks he’s an idiot, which is arguably funnier. “I meant, what television show is it?” 

“Buffy.” You answer. “It’s actually really good, it’s about a teenage girl who is the chosen one-“ 

“Chosen?” He interrupts, but you let it slide. You wonder if he’s thinking of how he was once ‘chosen’, and now he’s here, metaphorically sandwiched between his partner and his partner's partner in a tiny apartment in Minnesota. He could leave at any time, commandeer their body, or escape it entirely and take off, but he doesn’t, he hasn’t. Which really speaks to how much he cares for Adam. 

“Yeah, she’s the one true slayer, kind of. So, she has to juggle killing vampires and stuff with normal high school things, like homework and boys.” 

He’s looking at the screen, not at you, but you can see his eyes narrow. You think he might be scrutinising your choice in vapid human media, but his response surprises you. 

“Yes, I recall Adam used to watch this show with his mother.” His probing glance falls back to you now. Adam is there, they’re both always there, but it still feels like you’re discussing him behind his back, so you awkwardly attempt to move on from the subject. 

“Oh, well… Would you like to sit and watch it with me?” You shuffle over, making space for him beside you and patting the pillow. 

“No.” Michael is just a blunt person? Being? Angel. So, you don’t take the sting of his rejection to heart. 

But despite his rebuttal, he makes no attempt to move. Instead, standing stock still in the middle of the room. Occasionally asking questions as the time passes. 

“Who is that?” 

“That’s Angel. Buffy’s sort of on again off again boyfriend.”

“Angel?”

“Yeah, he’s not an angel, he’s a vampire.” 

“How paradoxical.”

-

“That one reminds me of you.” 

“Who? Cordelia?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“She talks too much.” 

-

“Why does Willow simply not confront this Xander boy about her, albeit inadvisable feelings for him?”

“Teenagers are stupid.”

“Humans are stupid.” 

“Thanks.”

Four episodes later he remains unmoved, you’d tried not to speak to him unless spoken too, afraid you might scare, or more likely annoy him away, but your stomach is starting to grumble. 

“I’m gonna order takeout, do you want anything?” It’s not addressed to Michael, and he knows that. 

Their posture falters as Adam takes over. Adam also moves with confidence, but his is far more relaxed, comfortable in his own body. The couch pillows dip under his weight as he sits beside you, arm casually draping over your shoulders. He greets you with a familiar boyish grin that makes your heart flutter. “Pizza?”

Something is wrong. That much is evident by Michael’s uncharacteristically expressive face. He’d been silent when he’d returned home from the store, a chore he and Adam had taken up since their return from the cage, a familiar, easy task that��helped to ease them into modern society. 

You could tell it was Michael because he’d been ignoring your presence since he returned home, quietly, and strategically putting away the shopping bar a solitary; “Hello.” 

Now he was eyeing a single can of Monster Energy Drink that sat alone on the kitchen counter. The intensity of his stare had you worried it might explode. You certainly would not be cleaning that up. 

“Something on your mind?” You ask, keeping your tone calm, and pleasant. Not letting on to your amusement at his one-sided staring contest. 

He spares you a scornful glance, before looking back at the can. Then he seems to have a light bulb moment, body perking up as he turns to you once more. He might actually think you’re useful for something other than Adams's enjoyment. 

“Yes. What is ‘bussing’?” The word sounds so comical coming from his lips, and you suppress a laugh, not wanting to patronise him or dampen his curiosity. 

“Bussin’?” You repeat, ensuring you heard him right. 

“Yes. ‘Bussing’. We heard a boy at the store use the word to refer to this. Adam nor I have heard the term used in this context before.”

Adam had filled Michael in on a lot of modern and pop culture things, but having been locked in a cage for the last decade meant that he was a little behind the times. You made a mental note to ask him later if not understanding the latest slang terms made him feel old. 

“It just means something is really good.” You explain, and his face drops.

He picks up the can, swaying it back and forth as he examines the label. It hisses as he eventually cracks it open, and his face scrunches when he gives it a sniff. 

Adam only eats and drinks to maintain a feeling of normalcy, Michael’s grace dissolving any actual need for human bodily functions. Michael never eats or drinks, so the prospect of his first taste of human food being a sip of Monster excites you greatly. What a terrible introduction. 

He must sense your anticipation because he turns, body shifting completely to face you. His face remains stoic, excluding his eyes which watch you hopefully as he extends the drink to you. “Would you like a taste?” 

“Uh, sure.” You take the can from him and allow yourself a mouthful before handing it back to him. It’s sugary, and sour, and abhorrently fizzy, just as you’d expected, but you try not to let your face give anything away. “It’s fine. Your turn.” 

“Fine.” He repeats under his breath, hesitating as he brings it to his lips. He takes a quick sip before slamming the can forcibly back onto the table, gritting his teeth, clearly repulsed by whatever is going on in his mouth right now. “That is not bussing.” 

Michael hadn’t exactly taken to human pastimes like a fish in water, preferring to take a back seat and let Adam enjoy himself. He had, however, found a great appreciation for war films, books about astronomy, and sports. Particularly, sports that had a strategy aspect to them. Which is how you’d found yourself in the bleachers of an ice hockey match beside him. 

Adam liked sports too, but not to the same degree. Michael sat, hunched over, weight on his knees as he watched the players glide across the ice, batting the puck this way and that. The match was tense, and the atmosphere lively, so you didn’t really mind his silence. You knew he wasn’t ignoring you, just focusing on the game. Even the quarterly breaks were filled with music, the big screen displaying funny accidents and lookalikes, which kept you entertained. 

All in all, you were having a good time, and when the kiss-cam popped up, you watched, amused as the camera crew zoomed in on different couples. You watched an array of different kisses, some cute, some awkward, some a little R-rated. It was all fun and games until you recognised yourself on the screen. 

Panic rushed through your body as you turned to look at Michael. You’d come around to the fact that Michael was always there. Always. Even for the intimate moments. But there was a massive difference between Michael being there during a kiss, and kissing Michael. 

You’re not sure if your sudden nervousness or the cheering crowd watching him from every angle clued him in, but Micheal takes notice, looking up at his own face on the display and asking; “Why are we on the screen?” 

“It’s a kiss-cam. They want us to kiss.” You hope that filling him in will bring Adam front and centre, but to no avail. Adam doesn’t want to play right now it seems. Probably revenge for implying he was old. “I’ll wave them away.” 

“Don’t.” He instructs, and before you can process what’s happening his lips are on yours. 

He tastes like Adam, like sugary cereal and cheap cola. He feels like Adam, clean-shaven and soft lips. But he does not kiss you like Adam. 

Adam kisses you like he might never see you again. Like it’s been a thousand years since he’s last laid his lips on you and he wants to commit every micro-movement of your body, every inch of your mouth to memory. His kisses are intense and passionate.

Micheal is the opposite, surprisingly. This might be the gentlest he’s ever been, he presses his lips to your delicately, like he might break you if he uses too much pressure. A hand cups the side of your face with the tenderness one would show a wounded animal. He kisses you like you’re made of glass and must be cherished. 

When he pulls away you feel completely flushed and unsure how to proceed. The kiss-cam is gone, and the screen counts down the seconds until the game continues. Micheal, in preparation, has resumed his watching position, leaving you to stew in your own emotions, likely oblivious to the many, many thoughts flooding your mind. 

Please remember: Being sensitive is not a weakness.

[raisedbythetv89]

No, but like…FAMOUSLY not just in Buffy, but every universe that has spells and magic, real love CANNOT be manufactured or duplicated by magic. Only twisted obsession/infatuation like what we see in Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered.

But in “Something Blue” Buffy literally says once the spell is over and she’s talking to Willow “I loved him, we were betrothed” in a spell whose specifications had only to do with marriage which would only change them from being enemies to allies, which then allowed all their suppressed and ignored feelings to come to the surface that they could NOT act on before when the other person was supposed to bring about their death.

And I’m not saying full deep romantic season 7 and beyond love but they clearly CARE about each other and are extremely attracted to each other, in lust if you will…and must have been for a while. Giving SO MUCH credence to neither of them ever succeeding at killing each other because deep down they genuinely never wanted to. (yeah yeah plot armor but so much of the time when one of them got away it was really WAY too easy like they could have at least made it so both of them were always just BARELY getting away by the skin of their teeth instead of how many times one of them really just lets the other go after exchanging a few punches like 😹 they weren’t even TRYING after a while and to me “Something Blue” proves it’s because they do not want to kill each other because they are crushing SO HARD. Because also in season 2 when they make the truce literally FIVE MINUTES LATER Buffy leaves Spike alone with her mother while she’s on the phone. The amount of trust that demonstrates is actually insane especially when you combine it with the fact that Buffy doesn’t do a disinvite spell after he leaves town OR comes back in season 3 & 4. And plot armor or not, them never killing each other becomes part of the lore and informs the motivation of the characters because that’s just how fiction works! ���🏼‍♀️)

I mean just look at these two love sick idiots

I MEAN….Buffy’s face when her�� immortal and extremely durable vampire just gets tossed across the room?? She goes into slayer overdrive, swiftly taking care of the two demons she was fighting to run over and check on him exactly like she does so many times in season 7 because that’s her vampire!!!

We see them so happy and in love - literally the happiest we’ve ever seen Buffy and then the show tries to tell us “it wasn’t even nice” because what? They bickered?? You mean they actually SAID what was on their minds and talked about it and then comforted the other when they were sad instead of bottling it all up or being evasive of topics that would cause fights and Buffy would tell Spike lovingly to shut up when he was being dumb??? OH NO THE HORROR!!

And what really is the cherry on top for me is the “wind beneath my wings” bit because Buffy blames the spell while her body language and face clearly says it was NOT the spell, that was all Buffy. Which opens the door for us to question just how much was what we saw because of the spell’s influence vs the real Spike and Buffy just completely uninhibited by their status of an engaged couple???

Especially when this supposed engagement to a “bad boy” who was helpful to her watcher, extremely caring and loving towards her in front of all her friends and when xander says something mean spike is SO HURT and he’s like “that’s it! You’re off the usher list!” Like oh yes THE BIG BAD INDEED 💀 but Buffy claims being engaged to a Spike “gets her over her bad boy thing because it wasn’t even nice” ….. GURL you are running for the hills to seemingly “normal” captain cardboard because you LOVED being engaged to the slayer of slayers and that scared the absolute shit out of you and you were like I need to do something to convince myself I’m normal and not the kind of girl who would be into Spike IMMEDIATELY 💀 and then avoids Spike for the next several episodes while Spike is always asking where she is for Buffy to achieve maximum avoidant/suppression of feelings possible 😹😹😹

And the way Spike NEVER teases her about it afterwards like he did with the “wind beneath my wings” bit at the end of the episode to me is so telling of the importance it held for him too that he never used everything he must have learned about her at that time or never even taunted Riley about the fact that the Slayer was all over him when her and Riley had first started dating because let’s be honest that would be SUCH a Spike thing to do. Like???? They have been so into and conflicted about each other for a LONGGG time and I honestly cannot be convinced otherwise 😹

[lesbianmarrow]

hiiiii can i get ur lesbian reading on willow's crush on xander. because i have my own thoughts but i wanna hear yours

this is such a fun question ehehehe. my answer will veer into headcanon/speculation and i may change my mind once i get farther into the show, but here's how i see it right now.

so i think there are a lot of factors at play! part of it is willow mistaking her platonic feelings for xander for romantic/sexual feelings, because she doesn't understand that there's like....something else that you can feel? if that makes sense? like i think that in her mind kissing and sex and stuff are just like a gesture to show someone how much you love them, not something that you have a desire for. like it's something you do to prove that you love each other the most. so in her mind she's like yes of course i want to kiss xander :3 because it would prove the strength of her love for him.

and i think a big factor is willow wanting to be like other girls, since she's a bit of a misfit socially. i think she clings to the idea of her and xander together as something that might maybe happen because it would make her a little bit more normal and conventional. willow isn't super bothered by people finding her weird, but i think the additional weirdness of not liking boys correctly is a daunting idea for her and something she doesn't want to believe is true for herself, so she pushes it to the back of her mind.

a lot of it is also just the environment she exists in and the framework by which she understands the world. girls like boys, and she is a girl, so she likes boys. and xander is the boy she's closest to, so obviously she must be in love with him. willow tends to have romantic ideas about the world, and i think the narrative of being in love with her best friend appeals to her. i think she imagines they'll grow up and get married someday, but she doesn't actually think about what that means besides having him in her life forever. willow is a very solitary person, and maybe a lonely one too. xander falling in love with her would be a surefire way for her to keep one of the only people she feels truly knows and understands her in her life. so she hopes that if her love for him is strong enough then maybe he'll never leave her and they'll have their fairytale ending.

i think it's also about her sense of self-worth. willow is very shy and probably struggles with feelings of inferiority (what teenager doesn't?). and she thinks that if she can attain xander's love, then that will prove she is worthy of love and respect. so the crush becomes less about attraction to him and more about proving her worth. the flip side of that is that since xander isn't interested in her in that way, that worsens her feelings of inferiority. i think she feels that, if she can only get him to love her, then everything will be perfect. a lot of what she seems to enjoy about dating oz is the personal validation and the social clout, and it would be similar with xander (though less social clout. lol).

but i think there's also a paradoxical aspect to her crush which is that deep down she senses that he isn't interested in her, and so that makes him a safe target for her to have a crush on, because he won't actually reciprocate. i think if he did genuinely show interest in her, she'd be happy for about ten minutes and then would panic and spiral. but since he never does, she can safely crush on him without having to worry about actually being with a boy or thinking about how she doesn't really want to be with boys.

i do feel like a lot of willow's performance of attraction for xander really is just performance. like she sees how buffy acts over boys and she tries to match that, because she wants to seem cool and mature just like buffy. when willow is ogling xander in a speedo, i don't think she really cares for the sight. i think she's just doing what she knows she's supposed to. and maybe she's fooling even herself! but she can't fool me ;)

i definitely think willow feels attracted to other girls and women but a) doesn't understand what it is (it's normal to think other girls are pretty, right?) and b) represses it really really hard. so her perception of herself is as a totally normal straight gal who likes boys :)

anyway when i was 14 i was majorly in love with this boy and i would fantasize about us sitting together holding hands and not saying anything. but the fantasy was all about me soaking up the validation of being chosen by him and good enough to be wanted by him. i think that's willow's fantasy too.

[drdtfuitgumies]

season 3 summary: july 2024

this summary is mainly for my personal documentation (i like documenting stuff), but i thought i'd post this in the blog too just in case anyone else was interested!

STATISTICS

as you can perhaps tell by the "header", ace is first place for this month with seven appearances! ...though considering the situations he was involved in (most notably an undignified jumpscare, being put in air jail, and being put in a repurposed jail by the name of Arei's Haul), it may be more of a curse. arei, j, and whit all tie for second place with six appearances, which is a very normal occurrence at this point.

PERSONAL FAVORITES (in chronological order)

1) Teruko falls down the stairs (ft. her three* best** friends***) (CHAPTER 2 SPOILERS)

i really like eden and charles' sideeyes here. and drawing teruko falling down the stairs was always one of my main goals with this blog, so i'm glad i could accomplish that!

2) Class is NOT going well (CHAPTER 1 SPOILERS)

the people really liked this one too, it seems! i finished in time for their birthday, too... i'm bound by law to apologize because they happen to be a friend's favorite character. orz

3) Whit shows Xander how to wear a blazer

i've drawn this sprite twice now. he just looks endearing in what i like to call The Stupid Idiot Dog way. I promise I mean this with as much affection (and cuteness aggression) possible. maybe i'll draw more sprites in the future... especially the ones that barely get used

4) Do you see this shit, Min?

another meme redraw! not much thought here. i just want them to be friends, even if it starts from a shared exasperation with practically the rest of the class.

THE POWER OF HINDSIGHT

sometimes i think of adding punchlines in the situations, or fix errors after i've put them in the queue, but forget to actually. do that

veronika jumpscaring ace was supposed to have a dark background but i thought veronika jumpscaring him with a flashlight in broad daylight was way funnier. the end result would still be the same anyhow

as mentioned in both "class is NOT going well" and "min and mai eat taiyaki", the latter was supposed to be min's birthday post. but i saw the meme around a week before her birthday and i couldn't NOT draw it. and i actually finished it in time!!

levi's dialogue in this situation was supposed to allude to him putting ace in air jail, but i didn't know how to make j's dialogue MASSIVE while also leaving just enough words for the viewer to ponder about what exactly levi was doing beforehand

also about the above situation; j's second piece of dialogue was supposed to be lowercase. i try to modify everyone's dialogue according to how they'd probably type (from the top of my head arei, eden, and whit speak in lowercase and sprinkling in emoticons/kaomojis; ace and j also speak in lowercase but they often switch into Titlecase and UPPERCASE for emphasis). that time i forgot to proofread the capitalization though. i guess this is incredibly minor and doesn't even matter that much

arei was supposed to steal hu's butterfly pin off-screen and the situation would be hu recalling the incident to someone like. levi, eden, or david idk. and going "I am unfortunately disappointed but not surprised" with a serene expression. i thought the punchline of hu just giving her pin and arei considering it a defeat was funnier, so i ended up going with that

I really, really wanted to find proper motivational words that Arturo would say,,,,,, ach.....

OTHER REMARKS

i tried to mimic arei's canon handwriting for that header image! also that is indeed the jail cardboard box being repurposed as arei's inventory of stolen items. i guess ace lives there for now

i want to do vocaloid mv redraws... i think i've mentioned it here once before, but i'd like to try. although i probably can't do more "serious" songs

that one comment asking if arei brought ace in her suitcase (since she's wearing some stolen accessories) still makes me laugh because how does one even begin to approach that conclusion. you can freely interpret arei's bigger suitcase as a sign that a whole ass Ace Markey is stuck inside there, i suppose! thank you for the mental image!

unfortunately, my schedule this year is taxing enough that i literally can't draw fuit gumies everyday anymore (unless if it was just one single character standing). i'll still post something for everyone's birthdays, and i plan to draw something to start off september at least, but i'll wait until that post for a more concrete schedule

thank you for your support!

as promised, whether you've seen it or not; here is the miro canvas for the first three months/seasons! i've since moved into another one since it started lagging enough to annoy me.

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Wainwright/Sword/Hatch

The Wedding (Part 1)

As Cyclone and Connor had already left a few minutes earlier, they still had enough time to look at everything in peace. “Amazing! And Judy did all that?"/ ”Mhm. I would have liked to have offered Blair more. But she was happy with the result."/ ”Jo. Well, then she'll probably turn up in a few minutes and the guests.

Guests who have received an invitation should arrive in the early afternoon. Provided they were able to come. After all, it wasn't a compulsory event, but simply a nice occasion in the midst of difficult times. “Where is she?"/ ‘She was behind me, just be patient, Mr. Groom’.

And Emma was right. Because after a few seconds, Blair also came through the large barn door. It was a special moment for Cyclone. “Wow…”. And he realized again that his hands were starting to sweat a little. “hnhn, close your mouth again, honey”. Blair walked proudly and contentedly into the barn, where it was pleasantly bright.

“I'm sorry. I've tried to imagine all sorts of things, but this has eclipsed everything.” Blair smiled and looked down at himself once more. “Emma created it for me"/ ”She really has a lot of talents. There's no turning back now"/ ”Hn, right. “. They tried to pass the time a little with conversation. And it was interesting to see which guests would accept the invitation.

One by one, the guests arrived at the venue. Each one is greeted individually. They exchanged a few short sentences and then moved on to the next. It's rare to be with so many people in one place. “Oh, look, Xander's coming too. My goodness, he looks like his father when he was young”.

And of course, guests who aren't actually there yet are also welcomed. “Normally I would ask if you already know what it's going to be. But I think we have to let ourselves be surprised at this time"/ ”that's true. And as they always say: the main thing is that it's healthy"/ ”Exactly. We'll start right away, then there'll be cake for you two, hnhn”.

Now Blair was getting a little nervous again. “Are you all right?”/ “I'm just wondering if we should wait until my parents get here or…”/ “ your mother is here, she just came in”/ “Really? Oh how nice… All right… Let's get started then, I hope I remember what I wanted to say”. Cy had to smile a little. Because he could understand her nervousness at that moment. “hnhn, in case you've forgotten, be spontaneous. let's begin”..

The guests chose a seat and the bride and groom also got into position. “Look how she's woven the tendrils through here. That's very pretty"/ ‘I can see what else is pretty here’…Blair had to grin a little after his compliment. „Don't make me any more nervous than I already am"/ ‘I'm sure it'll be completely gone soon, darling’.

Susan had the involuntary pleasure of sitting next to Xander. “Do I have something on my face or why are you staring at me like that, huh?”. His voice was rough, but not unfriendly. “Sorry… I just thought this cardigan looked so familiar"/ ‘My dad wore it a lot, that's it…’/ ”God rest his soul. I'm sure he'd be proud…"/ ”hmhm. Your daughter is getting married, I'm not important”…

Blair looked around and could only see her mother among the guests. But her father wasn't there. “Maybe he's fallen ill…"/ ”Maybe, yes. But you can still ask her that. Or…"/ ”I'm not going to wait any longer. We can start now.”.

It was time for the two to say a few words to each other. And Blair took the liberty of going first. “I don't know how to begin. I just want to tell you, my dear Cy, that I am eternally grateful to you for being my loving and safe companion in my darkest hours. I was often afraid of losing you and also of losing myself”

“But I could always rely on you. You've always been by my side and I hope that we could go all the rest of the way together.” Blair would have wanted to say so much more, but she knew that the day would never end otherwise. So she left the rest of the words to her groom. “hn, you almost leave me speechless, love”.

“When I saw the cute blonde girl back then, I thought I'd never have a chance with her. What does she want with a nerd like me? But you discovered sides of me that nobody knew about. And you made so much more of me. I'm grateful to you for that.” Cyclone would also have liked to say more. But they wanted to save more words for later. “Kiss, kiss… now!“..

Of course, you don't need to be told twice. Even if not all the invited guests came, it was still a successful wedding for the couple. All fears were now gone and they could devote themselves to more pleasant things. “Hey, no more snogging, otherwise there'll be no more cake"/ ‘hahaha’.

And just as it was all over, Blair's father walked in the door. With a look on his face that spoke volumes. He was incredibly sorry he was late. “Look who's here”. Cy made a head movement towards the door.

Blair looked to the side and saw her father standing there, which gave her a smile of joy. Then she ran to him and hugged him. “Oh, you're still coming"/ ‘yes, just too late, it looks like’/ ”Oh no, not at all. I know you wanted to be there, but I'm sure you had your reasons"/ ”yes, but they really wouldn't have been as important as your wedding. Congratulations"/ ‘thank you’.

Blair was happy that her father had shown up after all. The only sad thing at that moment was that no one from Cy's family could be there. But that was something they had to accept. Then finally the best part of the party came. "Who wants cake?".

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of this Part

@greenplumbboblover🥰

Note: I had to move the wedding cake table during the process because, strangely enough, you couldn't put anything on the CC table. I should have tested it beforehand, oh well. And I'm glad that the party went reasonably well. Apart from Connor, who didn't stay on his chair for long, everyone stayed seated. Maybe I'll take a wedding photo of the two of them at some point... in the next part, an uninvited guest shows up...

[caricature-of-fic]

mini fic for btvs 1x01 Welcome to the Hellmouth/1x02 The Harvest

---

It wasn’t meant to be like this.

She couldn’t afford this kind of thought at the moment, couldn’t afford the distraction, but—it wasn’t meant to be like this.

She was meant to go to school, struggle a bit to catch up with her classes, make friends—or had she made friends already? In which case, make sure they stayed her friends, and wasn’t that a challenge and a half, with how things were going—anyway, make friends and go out and maybe see if she could join the cheerleaders or something soon, once she’d found her footing. Do the normal stuff, live the normal life, live the not-constantly-on-high-alert life. But no, it was her second day of school and already she’d received barely-veiled threats from her new principal, not-at-all-veiled hints about accepting the whole Slayer thing from the new “librarian”, lost one potential new friend, almost lost another, been grounded, consequently sneaked out of the house, gotten two of her maybe-new-friends-but-at-this-point-why-would-they-stick-around people and the librarian into danger with her, and, and… was she forgetting anything?

Oh yeah. Buffy straightened her stance and raised her hands, determined to give her opponent all she got. I’m also already fighting vampires under some dusty mausoleum. Go, me.

At least the Watcher-librarian had only himself to blame if he got himself killed. Why would anyone choose that job?

She just hoped he and the others could get everyone to safety. There were already too many discarded bodies strewn about—people she was meant to save, why had she dawdled so much—and she wasn’t keen on anyone adding to the numbers. Nor on joining them herself.

Squashing down the fear, she met the Vessel’s attack with her own. No way was she going to die before she’d even tried for the cheerleading team.

---

It wasn’t meant to be like this.

Willow knew how these things worked, how new girls arrived at Sunnydale High. What happened was, at best, they glanced at her and decided she was no threat nor of any other interest, and proceeded to ignore her. At worst, or maybe just worse because she was currently learning rapidly that her definitions of good, bad, worse, worst may be outdated, they decided she made an easy victim, unless they thought they’d better keep her on the back burner for study help.

She’d sort of expected Buffy to go with that option. Well, at first she’d assumed it would be the worse/worst one. Buffy had that, that look. That look that Willow sometimes yearned for but knew, deep down, would never be able to achieve, nor truly be comfortable with if she miraculously did achieve it. The Popular Girl look of one who knew how to do her hair and clothes to look her best, who would compete for prom queen and have a realistic chance at winning without any Carrie shenanigans happening. That, plus the fact that she’d been hanging out with Cordelia right away, hadn’t boded well in Willow’s mind.

Then Buffy had sought her out, and been nice, and mentioned studying, and Willow had been able to relax, because she didn’t need to be actual friends with the pretty new girl. Just studying and getting half-hearted attempts at pretending friendship would be fine.

Except, now that didn’t seem to be happening either, and Willow had no idea where she stood. Buffy had clearly not stayed in Cordelia’s good graces for long, and had instead decided to hang out with Willow and Xander in the library, and…

And of course also revealed the existence of vampires. And demons. And hell? Was that meant to be capital-H Hell, or just… something hell-ish and so might as well call it hell? Willow was so not willing to start researching Satan or anything like that. Bad enough that crucifixes were suddenly a relevant factor in her life and survival.

Anyway. The pretty, meant-to-be-popular new girl wasn’t meant to be revealing secrets to and hanging out with Willow. Also, those secrets weren’t meant to be things like “vampires exist and I fight them and Jesse has joined their ranks”, but she hadn’t really had time to process all that, and it was easier to just get hung up on the fact that Buffy seemed to be interested in her acquaintance.

Maybe it was just for the studying. Or because she’d had no choice but to involve Willow, and Xander for that matter, because things had just happened that way.

Or maybe it was something she should really think about once this whole situation was over, and she could be sure any of them would even be alive by the end of it.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Tuesday, August 13

Willow: Well, there's Scoobyage afoot. Giles called a meeting about our spankin' new menace. Tara: Oh ... y-you should go, they don't need me for that. You can fill me in. Willow: No, no, you have to come. This demon chick is supposed to be really powerful, and I was thinking. Maybe we could try that, that spell, you know, the one to find demons? Tara: That didn't work. Willow: Yeah ... but we only tried it once, and I-I think I got some ingredients wrong. Tara: Well, I-I'm tired. Maybe we can do it tomorrow? Willow: You sure you don't wanna- Tara: Look, my family's here, okay, I can't just- (pauses) Not everything is about your friends and stuff. Willow: Sorry. Tara: No! No, I mean... There's just so much ... going on. It's just ... I'm, I'm really tired. Willow: (nods) Okay. Tara: I'll see you in the morning. You can fill me in. Willow: Great. We'll be demon hunters.

~~Buffy Season 5 Episode #84: "Family"~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Danger in All Forms (Buffy, T, Harry Potter xover) by mmooch

Sugar and Spice (Faith/Wesley/Cordelia/Fred, T) by Kittenwritings

Task Mistress (CUT SCENES) (Buffy/Spike, E) by HappyWhenItRains

Shadows Of The Spotlight (Ensemble, E) by BlueZeroZeroOne

[Chaptered Fiction]

Don't Swerve Ch. 1-2/10 (Buffy/Faith, E) by thisyearsgrrl

Situation Normal - All Faithed Up Ch. 3 (Buffy/Faith, M) by QuillBard

Cheese Board Ch. 1/2 (Buffy/Riley, E) by TheClowniestLivInExistence

The Right Swipe Ch. 4 (Buffy/Giles, E) by DancingAngel0013

Home Movies Ch 25/25 (COMPLETE) (Buffy/Spike, E) by cawthraven

Midnight At The Lost & Found Ch. 2/10 (Buffy/Giles, T) by The_Crazy_Knight

Don't Swerve Ch. 2/10 (Buffy/Faith, E) by thisyearsgrrl

In the Company of Witches and Slayers Ch. 131/200 (Willow/Tara, E) by VladimirHarkonnen (TheLightdancer)

Casts Shadows CH. 1-17/17 (COMPLETE) (Ensemble, M, Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Xover) by arcanedreamer

Along Came Two, Chapter 4 (Buffy/Spike, T) by LilithSwan

East of Nevada, Chapter 14 (Buffy/Spike, M) by Blissymbolics

The Neighbor's Point of View, Chapter 121 (Buffy/Spike, G) by the_big_bad

Task Mistress, Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, E) by HappyWhenItRains

I Do!, Chapter 36 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Dusty

A Business Arrangement , Chapter 5 (Buffy/Spike, E) by Desicat

The Dark Fusion Ch. 13 (Xander, DCU xover) by LoneFrog

It’s a Secret Ch. 1/? (Xander, T, Harry Potter xover) by MsSunshine

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:Buffy () by stateofdreaminn

Artwork:Spike () by bertolts

Artwork:Buffy () by tiaragloryart

[Reviews & Recaps]

PODCAST: Never Leave Me S7 E9 by Buffy and the Art of Story

PODCAST: Episode 37 - Taquitos, Kissing Toast, and Khaki Trousers (Faith, Hope, and Trick) by The Sunnydale Diaries

PODCAST: ATS 221 - Through The Looking Glass by Another Buffy Podcast

PODCAST: Episode 125: Gone by Mythtaken

[Community Announcements]

Tuesday: 100 Words on AUs by comment_fic

[Fandom Discussions]

Never Kill a Boy on the First Date Fashion Part Three by theoverlookedoneedits1997

Drusilla says “I see such pretty fire” by ceoazula

i love cordelia chase so so much by comradesummers

Obsessed w Joyce Summers’ wilful ignorance. by duckwnoeyes

The Pack Fashion Part One by theoverlookedoneedits1997

faith literally is into older women as we see with lilah morgan. by lesbianmarrow

actually, if you have any fun thoughts on Anyanka by darkwing-katy

Willow Rosenberg is the type of girl to mock Orpheus for turning around. by duckwnoeyes

I know we’ve discussed the Buffy/Faith dreams as like a shared space by 5bi5

David Boreanaz Talks The Buffyverse.And Importance To His Career by BAF

Xander’s Best Moment by theoriginalbabayaga

Her accent was a crime against the people of the Caribbean by nowlan101

Buffy Season 1 appreciation thread by jdpm1991

My new hill to die on by Calm_Cicada_8805

If Anya had a hen party/bachelorette party. What would happen by M_Partlett

In Surprise, why did Angel jump into the water after Buffy? Wrong answers only by ginime_

Rewatch Thoughts: Riley by Main-Kale-8383

I fell in love with her during this scene. (in a nice way) by sKullsHavezzz

What is one thing you think Buffy the Vampire Slayer did better than Angel? by SafiraAshai

Buffy and the Olympics by Snugglepuffs33

OMG James Is Amazing!! by StrawberryBlondiexox

Buffy’s most profound lines? by lokeyvigilante

Halloween episode season 2 by JewelerDear9233

Becoming part 2 - season 2 by Anonymous

does anyone know how the gift was filmed? by brian5mbv

Cordelia and Connor by Worth_Wallaby5387

Sanshu confusion by bankruptbusybee

Buffy + Angel by Electrical-Host-8526

Most Hated Buffy Character by Think_Web_1353

The Anointed One by nym5

I guess I’ve always been slow on the uptake. by spectacularfreak

And the most adorable BTVS moment award goes to… by No-Grapefruit8778

Team Spuffy or Team Bangel by gamerrat_13

I wish I had even a 10th of the audacity in real life that Cordelia has in every scene by nowlan101

Which revoke invitation spell was more humbling? by InfiniteMehdiLove

The body by Medical-Delivery-439

Veruca by bitchhhcrafttt

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[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 87 - Adventures in Sistem-Sitting, Part 2

Violet is so excited to listen to the book Ophelia is reading her, she can't even sit down! Really, because I tried to make her sit down and she just wouldn't. Toddlers, man.

Later on in the night, Violet stumbles upon Marshmallow in the mudroom leading to the backyard.

Violet: I can speak kitty! Meow meow, prrrrr.

Marshmallow: talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique

Xander never actually ate lunch so he's starving by dinner time.

Xander: Aren't you going to have anything?

Ophelia: No, I accidentally ate some normal quality food for lunch and now I feel kind of nauseous. You know how my refined palate gets.

Xander: Your stomach's still bothering you? You said you felt nauseous during the wedding too, and the move.

Ophelia: That was nerves, that's all. This is unrelated. I'm sure some water will settle my uncomfortable moodlet.

Xander: If you say so.

Ophelia: What are you doing out here, silly girl?

Violet: I'm bein' a kitty!

Ophelia: Oh really? Well, even kitties need their sleep. Let's get you ready for bed.

Marshmallow follows her new bestie out.

The previous owners used this room purely as storage for the furniture their kids had outgrown, but at least it meant the Sistem kids had places to actually sleep.

Ophelia reads Violet another story, since this kid cannot get enough books, and tucks her in as she dozes off.

It's time to put Velma to sleep again too, but Ophelia can't bring herself to do it just yet.

Xander: The boys are in bed. Want me to put Velma down?

Ophelia: Nah, I want a little bit of snuggle time.

Xander: Well, these kids got me beat. I'm going to bed. Night, Lemon Cake.

The former owners left a lot of the furniture in their old nursery, so Ophelia goes there to rock Velma. She still feels gross, but the soothing motion of the rocking chair helps. Velma certainly seems to enjoy it.

Ophelia: Xander's right, you are a little jelly bean, aren't you? You sure are as sweet as one. I could just eat you up!

Velma squeals as Ophelia lifts her higher in the air.

Ophelia doesn't want to get Velma too riled up before she puts her to sleep, so she goes back to calm rocking and snuggling.

Ophelia: Do you think I'll be a good mommy, Velma? I think I will.

Velma can't talk, but she doesn't look like she'd argue with you, girl.

Ophelia: I hope when I'm a mommy, I have a little one that's as sweet as you. Marcie makes such cute babies.

Ophelia feeds Velma a quick bottle and burps her before it's time to put her down for the night.

Well, Velma can certainly give you a vote of confidence on whether or not you'll make a good mom, Ophelia. She's a happy camper, at least!

Ophelia and Xander are woken up by a little girl crying, but not Velma.

Xander: Violet's probably scared from waking up in an unfamiliar place. Want me to take care of her?

Ophelia can faintly make out Violet calling for "O'fia" from outside the door.

Ophelia: I've got it.

Xander's theory was right. Ophelia can't blame her for being a little scared. She's probably never been anywhere overnight without her parents.

Violet: Can we call Momma?

Ophelia: Momma's sleeping. We can call tomorrow but how about a snack?

Luckily this appeases the toddler.

A sleepy Violet conks out before Ophelia can even finish slicing some strawberries, but placing the bowl in front of her wakes her up again.

As she digs in, Ophelia grabs a small bowl of grapes. She thinks she can stomach that.

Soon after, Xander is once again woken up by noises of discomfort, though these aren't from being scared.

She certainly doesn't LOOK too sad about what she just did, moodlet!

Xander: Sheesh. You sure know how to wake a guy up. Let's get you cleaned up, stinkbug.

Xander: You're lucky you're cute.

Xander lays her down on the changing table and gets to work changing her diaper. Velma giggles and kicks her little legs.

Xander: You think this is so funny, don't you? I guess if someone else had to wipe my poopy butt, I'd laugh too.

Xander: What the- How'd this get in your diaper?

Hopefully her siblings weren't looking for that toy. They're really not going to want it back now.

He tosses the toy dragon aside, making it Tomorrow Xander's problem.

Xander: All better, huh? Back to bed with you, Miss Velma.

Violet seems in higher spirits after eating her snack and getting lots of attention.

Ophelia: Alright, girly, what's it going to take to get you back in bed?

Violet: Story!

Ophelia: Another one? You drive a hard bargain, kid.

Ophelia reads another book to Violet, softly, as to not disturb her brothers.

She may be exhausted but she's getting plenty of experience for the future.

[sunflowerspectre]

Temptation (Ethan x Xander)

Commission for @greensword101 Request: During Xander’s summer as a stripper, he gets an unexpected visitor at the club. Requested Word Count: 5k Final Word Count: 5018 Tags: Ethan x Xander, m/m, anal sex, mentions of first times, first time same sex experience, first time anal sex, first times, blowjob, strippers/clubs setting, slightly unrealistic anal sex practices A03 | Commission Info

Temptation (18+ / Smut)

Xander swears that he is going to take this summer to the grave. He will not tell a soul what he has resorted to, not even if they waterboarded him, or if a demon promised to grant his every wish. There is no way in any hell dimension that he is going to let Buffy or Willow, or Faith, find out that he was a stripper, even if he only plans on doing it for a single summer. He is definitely not going to let them know he enjoys it either.

He did not expect to. The first couple of weeks, he just focused on the cash.  Somehow, he could face demons and vampires on a regular basis, but the idea of getting on the stage and being a stripper - terrifying. He gritted his teeth, he tried not to focus on the people watching him, and he, honestly, expected the clients to be greasy sleazeballs.

They did still get some sleazy clients, but it was not nearly as bad as he thought it would be. All the strippers even warned him who to be careful of, and what to do if something happens. The security guard, who Xander was convinced was a demon his first night, even keeps a close eye on everyone. As far as stripper joints go in the middle of nowhere, it had to be one of the safest ones. Especially since he has not spotted many vampires either. 

As he got to know the other strippers, the regulars, and became more confident, he actually likes it. He likes the attention. He likes the eyes on him. To his surprise, he starts to not mind that some clients are guys; he still gravitates toward the female clientele, but when he stops ignoring the males, he finds his tips double. Funnily enough, most of the guys are less handsy than the all girl bachelorette party. 

The strippers are nice. They are welcoming and do not judge him either, even though he is one of the only males at the joint.

To everyone here, he is not just some guy who is helping the Slayer or someone to use as live bait. He is not some background character, or some normal guy with a bunch of literal superheroes. No one here even knows the Slayer or Buffy or the witch, there are no shadows that he is struggling to get out of. Instead, he starts casting his own. 

For once, everyone’s attention is on him.  He likes being center stage, even if it is just temporary. He starts getting his own regulars, and building a reputation. He starts to climb the ladder and what started as a gig to just pay for his car to get fixed started to turn into something more lucrative.

The club itself is even relatively and surprisingly normal, with little to no vamp or demon activity. While it made him paranoid at first, he started to realize that not every town is built on a hellhole. Sometimes, the quiet activity does not mean some big bad is brewing. The most he has to worry about is his shoddy motel getting broken into and getting robbed. He may not be the best fighter of the Scoobies, but he can handle a few humans that bite off more than they chew by trying to break into his place. He still is careful of his more supernatural protections, just in case; the habits are hard to break, he finds himself still putting salt over the doors and windows, iron at the door, and removing the welcome mat that the motel throws out in front of each of the doors.

Everything was going so well that he should have expected something bad to happen. He started to get a bit too lax, and comfortable, and that was his mistake. Because sure enough - tonight, he spots a familiar face in the crowd. A face that should not even be anywhere near here.  

What the hell is Ethan doing here? 

Xander tries his best to stay focused during his performance, but his eyes keep getting drawn toward the chaotic ex-watcher. He admits that he did mess up a few times - missed a few beats, almost slipped, but no one seemed to notice aside from one of his other performer friends who was giving him a playful thumbs down from behind the corner of the stage.

Xander’s mind is racing by the time he finishes his shift. He knows Ethan saw him, though the ex-watcher does not seem too interested in him. Just when he thought this was a normal, quiet town too. He almost feels bad for the poor town, knowing that if Ethan is there, trouble will not be far behind. That shit is going to hit the fan, maybe even take a few casualties. And if Ethan actually followed him here, then it would be his fault.

“Quite the performance,” Ethan’s voice rings out from behind him, almost in amusement, “I imagine your little friends in Sunnydale don’t know about your…hobby.”

Xander jumps with a curse, swinging around to face the man, “Damn it!”

Xander was hoping that he could avoid any confrontation with the ex-watcher by taking the back exit. Just enough to buy him some time to call the Scoobies. He tries to think of his odds. He could take the ex-watcher, but he does not know what Ethan has up his sleeve or if there are any more chaotic lackeys lurking around. But could fight him off. At least long enough to survive and get away. He is cautiously aware of how dark and tight the alleyway is and steps back to make his way toward the street for an easier getaway. He keeps his eyes on Ethan, but tries to stay aware enough of his surroundings to be prepared for an ambush, or some sort of chaotic bodyguard.

“Come now, don’t look at me like that,” Ethan clicks his tongue in distaste, “I’ll have you know that I actually came here alone.”

“Yeah?” Xander laughs, “Well excuse me if I don’t exactly believe in some handsome, evil ex-watcher.”

Ethan does not seem bothered by the use of the word evil, not even denying it, just following Xander out of the alleyway with curiosity, “Handsome? That’s quite the unexpected compliment.”

“I wasn’t trying to compliment you,” Xander sputters, his face turning red and warm. “It's just a general statement!”

“A general statement you believe in, apparently,” Ethan counters, an outstretched grin starting to appear on his face, “I’m flattered. Since it is customary to only return such a compliment, I suppose I’ll let you know that I did enjoy that performance of yours on the stage. Quite…tempting.”

Xander’s face flushes, as he sputters, and out of instinct, he says the first thing that comes to his mind - a statement that has become more of a reflex after so many nights working.

“If you like the show, then tip. I don’t exactly do it for free.” Xander argues, biting out a curse. 

Ethan raises a brow at the venom in Xander’s voice, amusement twinkling in his eyes. Xander starts to beat himself up over what he said, knowing he should just keep his big mouth shut, but before he can get away, Ethan is holding a few bills between his fingers out in his direction.

“You’re absolutely right, my apologies.”

Xander eyes the stack of bills, his gaze flickering between the money and Ethan. 

“It’s not a trick,” Ethan reassures, “And it’s not blood money. I really am a ex-watcher, you know. A legally paid one.”

Xander spots a hundred in the stack and that is enough to sway over his morals. He snatches the money, and starts professionally flicking through the bills. He counts an easy two fifty.

“Alright, that Benjamin Franklin better not get me arrested, or I -”

He stops, he does not really know what he could do. Ethan just lets out a small laugh before gesturing for Xander to continue forward, “Go on, I won’t bite. Not if you don’t want me to. We’ll consider this a truce of sorts and head our separate ways.”

Not if you don’t want me to. Xander furrows his brows, but he could have sworn that Ethan was just some chaotic human ex-watcher, not a vampire. 

“Well.” Xander starts, already walking, “I guess that’s it then.”

He feels he cannot get away fast enough. He keeps the money in his pocket and he guesses when he gets back to his room he can always purify it just in case; Willow has at least taught him that and he does have the things in his suitcase.

His motel is at least a short distance away and when he gets there, his phone should have better service. He could give a call to Giles, warn him about the ex-watcher, ask for some backup. He does not exactly trust that the ex-watcher will just leave him alone.

And apparently he’s right to not trust him. It does not take long for Xander to figure out that Ethan is clearly following him, the distance is laughable. As if the ex-watcher is not even trying to hide his presence. 

“That’s it,” Xander bites out as he turns toward Ethan, who just looks at him with a large, unnerving grin. They both stop in front of the motel. He doesn’t want Ethan to see what door he goes into. “What the hell are you following me for? If you’re going to do something, might as well get it over with -”

Xander stops his rant when Ethan holds out a dangling keychain that looks similar to the same one Xander has in his pocket. The motel name is written, if a bit worn out, on the chain, along with a room number. 

“Oh no, no, no,” Xander starts as soon as he spots the numbers, “There’s no fucking way I have some evil ex-watcher right beside my room, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What,” Ethan questions, and Xander hates how that irritatingly handsome smile doesn’t waver. “You have a guest in your room? Don’t want me to overhear all the naughty little things you get up to? When the Slayer’s away, Xander shall play, is that it?”

Xander flushes, red spreading across his face. The blush deepens after each of Ethan’s accusations. Impulsively, Xander takes a step forward, “Hey! I’ll let you know that I don’t have anyone in my room!”

Xander sputters, realizing that it may not be best to tell the ex-watcher he is alone, “Well, I could if I wanted to, but after that one time with Faith, I’m just a little more hesitant. I mean - what’s the point of inviting a girl over if she just leaves before I even wake up…”

He starts to trail off, lost in the ranting. As soon as the word vomit starts, he can’t stop it. 

“Or maybe she doesn’t really treat me nicely. For my first time, it was just a little bit too traumatic and I’m not exactly eager to repeat it, but if I wanted to have a girl over, I totally could!”

Xander says that last part with confidence, as if he won the argument. He deflates fast after saying it as the adrenaline wears off. Ethan listens patiently, and at least does not laugh at him like Xander knows Spike would. 

“Your first time wasn’t particularly good, was it?” Ethan questions, an odd candance in his voice.

Xander does not know why he continues talking to the ex-watcher, but he blames it on a few contributing factors. The first being the shots he had while working. The second, and primary, one being that Ethan is, unfortunately, the only one he can now talk to about it. He cannot exactly bring the topic up with any of the Scoobies and as someone who has been holding it in for too long, beggars can’t be choosers.

“No.” Xander finally admits. “It was terrible. Am I really so weird for wanting that first time to be just, I don’t know, a little special? Maybe some sweet words here and there, something not so rough. I ended up just feeling a little used and not in a good way. Compared to Faith, I think sex with you would probably be better.”

Xander stops short again, me and my big mouth. He just had to run his stupid mouth; Willow was right, he really does need to think before he speaks more. Ethan, however, does not say anything at first. Instead, he looks thoughtful, as if he is debating something, before he finally speaks up.

“There’s no ‘probably’,” Ethan drawls out, “Let me show you the way it’s supposed to be and it will be better.”

Xander short circuits. His brain seems to go completely still, not a single thought bounces around in his head. He just stares at Ethan, trying and failing to process what is happening. He takes in the well dressed, and at least hygienic ex-watcher with a handsome face. Finally, he finds his voice even though his mouth feels dry and cottony.

“Okay.”

Yeah. The Scoobies are definitely not finding out about this summer.

_____________

Ethan is surprisingly a gentleman, more so than a lot of the more normal humans that Xander has met. He gives Xander time to take a shower and give himself a minute to think it over, and decide if it is something he really wants. When Xander comes out, everything seems untouched with no signs of the ex-watcher doing anything while he was gone. Instead, Ethan just sits on the bed in just his boxers, his ex-watcher outfit neatly folded and set on the dresser.

“Okay, okay,” Xander breathes out, “This is something I’m really doing. Yeah, okay, I can do this.” 

Ethan’s lips turn into a smile, “Can you? It’s not too late to decide to stop, though I will admit that once we begin, I’m much more stubborn and harder to stop.”

Xander should not have found that hot. He feels his cock twitch under the towel he wears around his waist. 

“I can,” Xander repeats more firmly, with a false confidence, before removing his towel.

He really hopes the room is not too cold. To his relief, his favorite body part seems to understand the memo, standing at attention and already hard. His length is one thing he can be proud of, with his member being a bit longer and thicker than the average guy’s. He does, however, feel a bit exposed as Ethan looks him over curiously.

His tongue darts out between his lips as he lets out a shuddering breath. Ethan gets closer, his hands reaching out to grab his waist and tug him down into his lap. Xander lets out a small yelp of surprise, but eases as soon as Ethan’s lips connect with his. He tastes good, Xander realizes, relaxing into the kiss as it deepens. Ethan’s hands stay firm on Xander’s waist, holding him down into his lap. Xander’s hands naturally fall around Ethan’s neck, holding himself up as he pushes into the kiss.

Xander starts to want something more as he can feel Ethan’s own bulge grind against his leg. The other man is already hard, and even through boxers, Xander can feel that Ethan’s own cock is just as impressive. Ethan’s cock is desperate, grinding against Xander for friction as Ethan parts his lips to dart his tongue into Xander’s mouth.

Xander lets out a small groan as he starts to grind himself against Ethan in return, eager for relief. As their kiss continues, Xander’s hand starts to travel down from Ethan’s neck and toward his boxers. With a bit of adjustment, Ethan’s cock springs free and Xander grasps it firmly.

“That’s it,” Ethan growls out softly, as their kiss parts, “I want you to pump Daddy’s cock, get me nice and ready, pet. Follow my instructions, then I’ll take care of you.”

Xander shivers. The casual way Ethan calls himself daddy sends a wave of unexpected pleasure down his spine. He had always pictured himself to be the one to be on top and take charge, but even during his time with Faith, it was not what he expected. Trying to take charge of her had felt so awkward and unnatural. But this, being the one not having to worry about what to do, feels natural.

HE likes being the one taking the orders, he realizes, as he groans. He follows Ethan’s instructions, his hand grasping firmly at the base of his cock. Ethan leans back on his elbows to let Xander go to work, groaning at each touch. Xander had never really touched a cock other than his own before, and it feels a little more different than he would expect, but he supposes that the best thing to do is just to touch it the way he likes his own touched. He adjusts his grip and slowly starts to pump Ethan’s cock, gently running his thumb over the tip as he does so. 

Ethan shudders, “Just like that, pet. When you’re ready, I want you to use that mouth of yours. Make my cock as wet as you can and it will make it a lot easier later.”

Xander eyes Ethan’s cock and the way it throbs and pulses under his palm. He gulps, a bit intimated, but he takes a deep breath before lowering himself to be level with his member. He tentatively licks Ethan’s shaft before circling the tip with his tongue. Ethan’s hands grip at the sheets as he throws his head back with a louder groan.

“Don’t tease me, little dove.” Ethan growls out in warning, “I told you to suck it.”

Xander has never sucked cock before, but he supposes that if he just gets started, he can figure it out. He wraps his mouth around Ethan’s cock and takes just the tip into his mouth first, getting used to the way it feels and tastes in his mouth. Ethan’s hips thrust forward with want, causing Xander to gag before he figures out how to breath through his nose.

He slowly takes more of Ethan into his mouth, lowering himself further and further until he reaches the base. He gags for a second and pulls up quickly to breathe, even as Ethan groans and whines. Xander takes a moment to catch his breath before he continues, sucking Ethan’s shaft as best as he can. As soon as he finds his rhythm, it gets easier, and he starts to pump his head up and down on the cock, taking in the full length before going up. He can feel the slobber and spit just pooling out of his mouth as he does so and when he tries to swallow it, Ethan lets out a loud moan at the sensation.

“I think my cock is ready for you,” Ethan’s voice is more breathless, his face red, “It’s time to make sure you’re ready for me.”

Xander finds himself yanked back up into Ethan’s lap, their cocks grinding against each other at the motion, causing both of them to moan loudly. A finger goes into Xander’s mouth and he sucks it without thought before the finger is taken out with an audible pop. He tries not to think too hard about it, or he might tense up too much, but he can feel that wet finger start to prod at his ass. 

Ethan holds Xander closely and tightly as he inserts his finger. Xander groans loudly at the new sensation, trying to control his breathing and stay relaxed as the finger slowly goes deeper - knuckle by knuckle until finally the entire digit is inside. He breathes heavily and tries to adjust to the feeling, before Ethan starts to prod at his ass. Xander squirms and groans as he feels the digit go in completely, only to be taken out by a knuckle and put back in. 

“Fuck,” Xander curses, leaning forward into Ethan’s chest. 

“That’s it, pet,” Ethan coos, “You’re doing great, lovely, keep it up and we’ll get your all ready for my cock.”

Xander whines at the thought of something even bigger than the finger being put inside of him. Ethan grins, a more erratic gleam in his eye as he struggles to hold himself back. He pounds his finger into Xander, moving it around as much as he can before he curls his finger and hits the sweet spot buried inside of him. 

“Ah shit,” Xander groans, and his cock throbs as it gets pressed up in between them, desperate for attention. After a moment, Xander desperately starts to paw at his erection, fumbling for a moment before grasping it and starting to pump his cock. He leans forward into Ethan as the finger goes deeper inside of him, pumping his cock with short, raspy breaths.

“Are you going to cum for me, my pet,” Ethan teases, “And we’re just getting started.”

“No - I can - I can wait,” Xander struggles to get out. “I can - I can do this.”

Ethan presses his lips to Xander’s temple, gently whispering words of encouragement before he slides his finger out of him. At Ethan’s instruction, Xander lays down on the bed awkwardly, unsure of how to position himself and what he needs to do. Ethan pushes Xander’s legs up and apart, before guiding his cock in the space between his cheeks.

“I’m not going to hold back,” Ethan warns, “Once I’m inside of you, I am going to finish you, little pet.”

Xander lets out a low, breathy groan, “Come on, man, I’m dyin’ here.”

He really should take a course some time on dirty talk; even after all of his time working at the club, that is something that has not quite improved. It seems to be enough as Ethan takes it as consent to continue. Ethan guides his cock to Xander’s hole before sliding himself in. 

They both shudder the moment he gets just past the head, their bodies trembling at the waves of pleasure that start to wash over them. Ethan takes a second, a wild look overcoming him as he starts to shove himself deeper into Xander. He does not give much of a warning before he already hits down to the base of his cocks, his balls slapping against Xander.

Xander’s knees already feel weak and he is not sure how long he can hold up his legs in this position. His whole body tenses for a moment at the intrusion, making Ethan groan as he feels it tighten around his cock. Xander whines, unable to get a coherent word out, as he focuses on the new pleasures. He did not know it could feel so good to have something inside of him, a man inside of him. 

True to his word, Ethan does not slow down once he gets started. He pulls himself out of Xander before slamming back into him with force. Xander’s cock pulses and he is not sure if he can hold it in like he said he could, the brink of a climax already approaching fast. Ethan grabs Xander’s hips and slams into him quickly, and with each thrust, Xander lets out small yelps and groans.

He becomes like jelly underneath the other man, his body becoming limp as his eyes start to roll into the back of his head. He almost thinks that Ethan forgets about him, but Ethan still murmurs his name under his breath, along with a few pet names. He can feel Ethan’s palm go for his cheek, cupping his face almost with care as he leans forward to get deeper.

“You can take it all, my pet,” Ethan whispers, “I want you to feel good. I want you to enjoy this.”

“I - I do,” Xander gasps out in between thrusts, struggling to keep himself together.

Faith was rough; she was aggressive and a bit mean, and almost uncaring. Ethan is rough, and a bit aggressive, but oddly enough, Xander does not get the same feeling of uncaring. Ethan whispers his encouragement and praise in between each movement of his hips, he takes the time to explain things to Xander, prep him, and let him know what to expect. Xander does not know what will happen when this is over, but he is conflicted that he does not quite want the ex-watcher to leave immediately when they are done.

“Good job, my boy,” Ethan purrs.

Xander looks up at the ex-watcher and is greeted with the sight of the man towering over him, his usually combed hair now wild and all over the place, his face beat red, and an unreadable expression in his otherwise manic eyes. This man - this chaotic ex-watcher - their enemy - is… undeniably hot. 

He can finally understand Buffy for being so attracted to Angel. There is something about when you sleep with a bad boy, someone you know you are not supposed to have, that makes it so much hotter and attractive. 

His hand slides down to his own throbbing cock, giving it the attention it is craving.

“Pump your cock for me, my pet,” Ethan instructs with a grunt, slamming hard into Xander.

Xander obeys. His hand grasps around his member and squeezes it, shuddering immediately at the dual sensations that he is feeling. He can feel Ethan’s cock slamming into him, stretching him out and hitting all the right places, at such an erratic and hard pace. Every time he feels Ethan’s cock hit his prostate, he lets out shuddering, breathless moans. His hand trembles around his cock as he starts to pump it, the stimulation being on the brink of overwhelming. He shudders, feeling his climax closing in with such little contact.

He takes a deep breath and starts to pump his cock, and after a moment, starts to rapidly build his pace to match Ethan’s. Ethan just grunts and groans, slamming into him, before slowing down briefly to slowly pull himself out of Xander with a whine.

“I’m going to finish inside of you, pet.” Ethan says it like it is not a suggestion. 

Xander just groans and Ethan slams back into him, his thrusts becoming more erratic. The sound of bodies slamming together mix with the wet sounds of bodily fluids and heavy breathing. Xander lets out a loud groan as his climax hits, his seed spilling out from his cock and over his palm, making a mess on his hand that drops down onto his stomach. Ethan takes in the sight of Xander and the mess he has made and that pushes him over the edge.

Xander feels Ethan’s cock pulse and throb inside of him before he is filled with the warmth of Ethan’s climax. The sensation of being full makes him writhe, and the mess spills out from him as Ethan pulls his cock out.

For a moment, neither of them say a word as Ethan collapses onto the bed beside Xander. They take a moment to focus on catching their breath, their bodies finally feeling the strain and exhaustion they just put it through.

“Just breathe,” Ethan finally voices, “Breathe, my pet. Are you alright?”

Xander never imagined such a bad guy - the bad guy - actually being that thoughtful. He thinks about it for a moment, the way he feels, and the way he enjoys everything. He wonders just how much of what he had with Faith (however briefly) was so bad simply because he was not attracted to her. He puts it aside for now, he can ponder on the logistics of his sexuality when there is no evil (but sort of good?) guy in his bed.

“Yeah, I am alright,” Xander finally answers.

Ethan turns on his side, propping himself  on his elbow as he looks at Xander in amusement, a large grin on his face, “Much better than that - what was her name, Faith - girl I should hope?”

Xander barks out a laugh that sounds dry; he becomes very aware of just how naked and how thirsty he is, “Yeah, but don’t tell her that.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Ethan drawls out in a teasing manner, “Ripper has said that she’s another one of the Slayers isn’t she? I would love to see the look on her face when she hears that I am a much better lay in bed than she is.”

Xander really needs to get something to drink soon, but he is not sure he can move. His legs, hell his whole body, feels sore. He is not sure he could move any time soon, and he can still feel the remains of Ethan inside of him. He hopes that this was not some ploy to just get him into a very vulnerable position, make it so he can not run away. 

“She’d try and kill you,” Xander says without missing a beat.

“Aren’t they trying to kill me anyways,” Ethan responds, much more flippantly, unbothered by the threat the Slayers pose to him. “They haven’t been very successful.”

“I could kill you,” Xander does not quite like the way Ethan so easily dismisses them as a threat. The Scoobies are a very dangerous bunch - he may be just a human, but he has taken down quite a few baddies himself. He knows that he is nothing compared to the Slayers though, especially Queen B herself.

But his own threat comes off hollow and not much more intimidating. He could if he really had to, but maybe not quite this second. Maybe after he catches his breath and has a shower. He could put it off until after breakfast at least.

Ethan looks mildly offended, putting a hand to his chest, “After what we just did? That’s terrible bedside manner, you know. I was planning on making you breakfast and everything.”

Xander thinks about it.

“If I promise I won’t,” he offers weakly, though he suspects that Ethan does not see him as a real threat either, “Then do I still get breakfast?”

[jvstheworld]

The Buffy re-watch: S1E6 (part 2)

The Pack

Giles looks kind of ashamed of himself when Buffy is right about something, after he's dismissed her concerns.

The Masai tribe (not to be confused the the real Maasai tribe In Kenya and northern Tanzania) was mentioned by the sketchy zookeeper at the beginning of the episode, like that wasn't a hint for the audience later. (Sarcasm).

Very graphic and disturbing images of unchecked animal possession. Well, shit.

Xander learning from Angel in how to be a creepy stalker.

With Flutie being the principal of Sunnydale High, he would have seen some shit right? It doesn't seems like he knows about the supernatural threats that plague the town, but Snyder does. Either way, he didn't deserve his fate.

And the creepy just get worse. Xander goes into SA mode. I hate SA/R in TV shows and films, I find it hard to sit though and watch. While this scene is mild, compared to a certain scene in season 6, I still hate watching it. But I will get on to the other problem I have with this later.

What happened to the other possessed students after this episode? They ate a pig and a human being while they were alive. They couldn't have just carried on as normal, and no amount of therapy could help them.

Hyena Xander trying to trick Willow into letting him out makes the point that their lives didn't need much saving before Buffy arrived. We later find out this to be bullshit in the season 3 episode 'The Wish'.

Bad time to try and make friends Giles, especially with sus zookeepers.

Possessed people terrorising random families. Those low house prices better be worth it.

To knock someone out, you need to hit their head, right? Not their back. So how did the zookeeper knock Giles out with a blow to the back and a slump to the floor?

When was the zookeeper planning to do the possession? And I would be pissed too if a bunch of high school bullies beat me to the punch.

We can totally see the stunt double for Buffy in a couple of shots, sometimes it's so noticeable.

And the day and people are saved, except the zookeeper who does have a name, it's Weirick. I had to look it up because I don't remember it being said once.

We get our first reference to Snyder, who won't appear until 'Puppet Show'.

Okay, to the complaint I have regarding Xander. If he genuinely forgot what happened to him while possessed, I could understand not wanting to tell him about the SA. It was the animal spirit in control, not him. However, he does remember and is only feigning amnesia. This is what I have a problem with. If he said he remembered and apologised, he would have been forgiven, because again he was not in control. Buffy and Willow would have understood, forgiven him and moved on. But he chose to pretend to forget so he doesn't suffer any potential consequences. He took the coward way out of the situation. I get that he might feel ashamed, he tried to SA his friend/unrequited love interest and belittled and bullied his best friend, that is something to feel ashamed about, but instead of be a decent human being about it, he just pretends to forget so he can have a get out of jail free card. That pisses me off. If he owned up to what happened and apologised, Buffy and Willow would have just blamed it on the animal spirit and left it at that. He would have been fine. Because they probably would never want to talk about it again either. It was cowardly and stupid and I lost respect for Xander for that.

And Giles protects Xander, likely because he feels sorry for him and is trying to be helpful. But my original point still stands.

Okay, episode and rant over. If you can't tell by now, I'm not a fan of Xander. I didn't mind him when I was young, but now that I'm older he irks me. He has his good moments, like when he is actually being funny, but other times he angers me.

Tomorrow, we delve into the beginnings of Bangel.

[alas-poor-cesario]

Fannish 50 #4 - BTVS, Once More With Feeling

We're at what is potentially my favourite episode of Buffy ever with this one. I quote it regularly and have the soundtrack saved to my phone.

This is the seventh episode of the sixth series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and, more importantly for this Fannish 50 entry, a musical. 

Context

This episode was written and directed by Joss Whedon and originally aired on the 6th November 2001. 

Up to this point in the series Buffy, as the Slayer, has been helped by the "Scooby Gang" in their various end-of-the-world-oh-its-Tuesday-again type scenarios until the end of the fifth season. In this episode (which is another planned Fannish 50 installment), "The Gift", Buffy sacrifices herself instead of Dawn to save the day. The opening of season six brings Buffy back. Willow thought she was rescuing Buffy from Hell, but Buffy was actually in what she believes to be Heaven, something she keeps from her friends.

Plot:

The episode opens with Buffy lamenting how miserable her life has become in "Going Through the Motions" - she's not as inspired as she once was. The next morning everyone meets at the Magic Box and they reveal that they've also been singing. There's a song about what the cause was ("I've Got a Theory").

The gang splits to do some research and go about as normal as they can until they can solve this. Tara has a song with Willow about how much she's improved her life ("Under Your Spell"), Xander and Anya have a duet about the things that irk them about the other ("I'll Never Tell").  Buffy visits Spike who sings about him wanting her to leave him alone if she won't love him ("Rest in Peace"). They realise the songs are bringing out hidden secrets.

Dawn says to Tara she's glad that she's made up with Willow, and not remembering any argument, Tara realises that Willow has used a spell to tamper with her memory. Dawn has a song about lamenting that nobody seems to notice her before being captured by a bunch of minions ("Dawn's Lament") before the song changes into an interpretive dance as she tries to escape ("Dawn's Ballet").  Sweet (monster-of-the-week) says he came to Sunnydale to make her his bride ("What You Feel"). 

Giles realises during his song, "Standing", that he's going to have to step aside and let Buffy take care of Dawn instead of just relying on him. Around the same time Tara finds a picture of the flower Willow used in the spell and they both decide to leave the people they love ("Under Your Spell/Standing (reprise)").  

One of Sweet's minions is captured by Spike and Buffy leaves to rescue Dawn. Initially Giles forbids the Scoobies from going to help before they change their minds and race to catch up. Spike goes between leaving Buffy to her fate is best and helping her is and Sweet says that Buffy is drawn to danger ("Walk Through the Fire"). 

When she gets to the Bronze, Buffy offers to take Dawn's place. She sings here about her take on life now that she's been pulled out of Heaven ("Something to Sing About"), something that's revealed to the others here. Buffy starts dancing quickly and starts to smoke, on the verge of combusting before Spike catches her. 

It's then revealed that it was in fact Xander, not Dawn, who brought Sweet to the town wanting a happy ending. Sweet disappears after releasing Xander from the obligation of being his bride. At this point the Scooby Gang realise that their relationships have been changed too much to go back by the things they've been singing about all episode and they ask "Where Do We Go From Here"). 

Impact:

So the biggest theme and most obvious one to talk about in this is that there's so much miscommunication and lack of communication here and it hurts all of the relationships. You can't just want people to forget things happened and move on, you can't just hide things from your loved ones when it concerns them, you can't just choose to step away without considering the consequences of your actions. 

I really feel like this episode and Hush (the next I'll be covering in the Fannish 50!) are key ones to put together thematically. Here they can't stop singing about their feelings and the truth whereas in Hush they can't speak, forcing them to actually communicate. 

Before I go into detail about the songs themselves from this episode i think this is pretty much the key reason why we have a Grey's Anatomy musical episode, a Scrubs one and the like. It had a massive impact on fans and filmmakers alike. 

Going Through The Motions

This took me by surprise the first time I started watching this episode, I felt off-kilter by the fact that there's suddenly Buffy singing and staking vampires and fighting to music.  I really find it interesting that they say that they can tell she's just "going through the motions" and that essentially her heart isn't in it. Coming back from being dead has changed her and she now wants to feel alive.  It's a "trumpeted version of Where Do We Go From Here", as an "I want" song. The main hero(ine) tells you exactly what it is they're missing from their life. 

I've Got a Theory/Bunnies/If We're Together

I always loved Giles' "eh something isn't right there"  and that he interrupts Xander, firstly.  The Nightmare thing happened already in Buffy and it was great, sadly no singing. But I love that this is what they do, they're relating it to things they know and starting to develop ideas on how they can fix it.  There's this point where Anya starts singing about bunnies not being cute, and it forced me to remember here that Anya isn't human. She is a demon. She has different views to the rest of the Scoobies sometimes and in this case, coming across like a child (again) in that her reasons for disliking bunnies are that they have "twitchy noses" and "hoppy legs" and why do bunnies need good eyesight anyway. Which, looking at it, yes that's a point in favour of bunnies being kind of terrifying, and not just the Monty Python ones.

That Giles and Willow sing about it getting serious before it's passed is one of the standout lines. These are the two members of the gang known for being all researchy and the ones to suggest hitting the books. They also have this slight tone of dissaproval about Anya's bunny-rant which feels important to how they view her as a part of the group - she's not Buffy, the Slayer, Xander the friend who's been around forever basically, or Tara another witch. She's one of the things they're normally working against and I feel like they haven't let that go.

Then Buffy comes in with "I've got a theory it doesn't matter" which works so well as a line with a double meaning. You have that it doesn't matter what caused this, because as she continues to say, they can face anything together. But, on the other hand, you've got to take her last song into account here and wonder is she secretly singing the truth that she's thinking lots of things about life don't really matter in the same way to her anymore. 

 There's another hint of this pessimism when she says "Apocalypse/ we've all been there/ the same old trips/ why should we care" before everyone joins in together and brings it back to a more hopeful tone with "what can't we do if we get in it". Buffy's strength as a Slayer doesn't just come from her powers, it's from her friendships and the loyalty that the Scoobies all have for each other. 

And then Anya comes back in at the end to remind them that she's scared of bunnies and that this is sung, when we know that the enchantment is set to tell the truth, to me, shows just how uncomfortable bunnies make her. And now I want to go through every episode with a fine toothed comb and see if there's other signs of her aversion to them. But, moving on to a shorter song!

The Mustard

Okay I said song, it's more like a couple of lines just saying "they got the mustard out" This gives us a well needed break from heavy hitting musical goodness from the main cast, and shows that this spell is affecting everyone in Sunnydale.  We may be following this main group in this one particular town, but hey guess what? The world is bigger than just them and their problems.

Under Your Spell

"Oh my god I'm cured! I want the boys!" I love this line of Tara's and how she's happy and upbeat here. We see her as being shy and insecure all the time and that line before she says about not being "used to that" hits home that she can be her own person and confident at times.  The special effects here aren't great, I find them so, so cheesy but also it's pretty and magical and fantasy like and I can't fault them for that.  This is also the "magic is gay and here's proof" song which, in a show that didn't really have Willow come out by saying "I'm a lesbian" or any of that. Buffy gets to be physical with the guys she loves but Willow and Tara, to avoid the censors, show their love and affections through magic and spells and clever wordplay in this song.  "The moon to the tide / I can feel you inside" "You make me com-plete" while lying back on the bed etc. 

Tara's family in another episode criticise her use of magic and it reads very much as parents targeting their queer child, making said child shy and fear themselves.  Tara chooses the Scoobies as her true family and grows massively after this (and it includes my favourite Spike moment)

I'll talk more about this in the Standing reprise bit but there's also this joy to their song here that I don't think any of the others get (not counting the mustard here, sorry!). We've had Buffy fighting, the others not knowing what to do, and from this point we get a couple arguing, someone saying to stay away if you can't love them, a child singing about feeling alone, a parental figure realising he has to step away to help his child to grow, a song about coming together to help fight and being unsure of the future. This, when looking at all of those, is potentially the happiest song in the episode and I think that's so important with the magic = gay thing they've got going on

I'll Never Tell

This is one of my least favourite songs from the episode but I also don't really like Anya and Xander as a couple so  Also the musical style isn't really my thing either so I'm a bit biased "The name I made I'll trade for his" is such a powerful line because Anya has spent so long as a vengance demon, she's powerful in her own right but then she's making a massive trade off here to be with a human guy because she loves him.

This song is about not communicating to your partner the little things that will grow and become issues and it shows how important it is. I've actually stopped myself and went "nope I'm not having an I'll Never Tell moment, I'm talking about this" to my partner when there's been something small that's been bugging me that I just can't let go of. I even say that it's a small thing and that it's my issue, but, it's something that if I don't talk about now and deal with, it will become a big problem.  "She thinks I'm ordinary" and here's where we get one of the biggest insecurities for Xander. You have a team with a Slayer, a Witch, an ex-demon, a Vampire, the magical mystical Key, another Witch, the mentor trained about demons since he was a child and ... the guy who knew one of the witches so tagged along. 

Anya interrupts Xander multiple times, which he points out but she just does it again and it's frustrating because it breaks the pace of the song. Then the two of them dance and knowing what we know by the end of the episode that people are dancing themselves into combustion, it makes me wonder if there was a part of it that they were holding back from saying to each other. 

It then gets nicer from this point and they start settling down with each other and actually talking, even if they then go back to saying they'll never tell to each other which is the main problem. 

The Parking Ticket

Speaking of the world is bigger than the Scoobies and their problems ...  This has a comedic moment, it's a nice break away from the Scoobies and it also reminds us that there is a world full of problems outside these few main characters we know and love

Rest in Peace

If Anthony Head hadn't been in this episode then this would have easily been my top song.  Spike is so annoyed by the fact he's actually singing in front of someone and I love that annoyed look at the start of this song so much.  Think about how Buffy is wanting to feel alive now that she's not in Heaven anymore, and how Spike has "died/ but [Buffy] can make [him] feel / like it isn't so". This is a beautiful contrast where Buffy hasn't reached that stage yet but Spike uses his being undead to his advantage, he's comfortable in his role as the big bad scary vampire.  He knows he's being used by Buffy because she doesn't want to talk to the Scoobies and it's hurting him because even though he's a "dead man", he still has feelings. He can't get any peace from her because she's toying with him, he loves her and she doesn't feel the same. 

Then you get to the part where Spike's voice almost becomes soft. He's singing about how there's a "traitor here beneath my breast / and it hurts me more than you've ever guessed" but Buffy doesn't care, she's not seeing that part of him. And it's this really beautiful thing that he becomes soft when he's talking about this bit of his love for her, that he will do anything for her. 

He changes between the vampire, stalking closer to her, tormenting her and pushing her away and honestly saying his feelings. And then after he admits his feelings he turns back into the monster he knows he always will be, tormenting people at a funeral before he finally ends up in a grave, Buffy on top of him

"So you're not staying then" - this line is funny, but honestly after everything that Spike's just sang about it's kind of heartbreaking at the same time. He admits  that he loves her, that his heart is doing what his brain doesn't want and falling for her and then she just runs away from him

Dawn's Lament / Dawn's Ballet 

Again, not one of my favourite moments or the things I've listened to most from this episode  Dawn has a couple of lines about people not noticing her or caring and I know that the reason behind Dawn's lack of song is that Michelle Trachtenberg asked to not sing as much, just dance. 

What You Feel

This is where we learn about the queen thing and that it's Dawn, the child, who's almost left to work out how to back out of this thing when she feels like nobody's noticing or caring is heartbreaking.  Sweet reveals he knows how Dawn feels, that this is all his doing.  "That's the penalty when life is but a song" - Xander wants his happy ending but wishing for something like this, something that's a fantasy will collapse and crumble around him and not work out well for anyone.  You have to put effort into things, into relationships and getting whatever it is you want. 

Standing

Second favourite song of the episode lets go! This is entirely about Giles being worried about how ready Buffy is to go it on her own but knowing that he's holding her back by always being there as a crutch for her.  He knows she has a lot of things to face, a lot of new experiences to have but he's the one holding her back. He's the reason she's standing still. 

He wants to help her and do it for her; he's the father figure she needed when she was younger but because he was always there for her she's missing out on seeing and experiencing so much. She's reliant on him and he's not always going to be there for her and it's a hard thing for them both to admit.  "Wish I could lay your arms down and let them rest at last / wish I could slay your demons but now that time has passed"  - this is such a sad ballad and this line about wanting to do it for her but she's grown up now was so powerful.

Also, talking about the stuff happening on screen for this bit since it's really important in a way that's such a stand out thing; all the way through this he's sparring with her. He throws knives at her head while she's defending herself. That's all he can do to help teach her, and it's not the normal comforting role of a parent but someone raising their kid to fight and be strong and use weapons and he wishes he could give her peace. 

Under Your Spell / Standing (reprise)

And just like that it's my favourite song I love that Tara's lyrics from earlier about being in love with Willow and being enchanted by her, essentially, end up to be a literal meaning of being under a spell that Willow cast. She's worried about loving Willow while the other witch is playing with dangerous magic.  This is the song where the two (Tara and Giles) fully come to terms with the fact they have to take a step back from their loved ones. They don't want to go at all, but they know it's the best thing for them if they do.

Tara doesn't trust that Willow has not played with her memory before this, or that she won't keep doing it in the future and that's such a betrayal of trust for her.  Giles wants to keep being the leader for Buffy and take all of the suffering but if he does that then she won't grow and become the best she can be. 

Putting Giles and Tara together in this song as the ones secondary to powerful women (slayer and witch) was brilliantly done and it starts to show the sacrifices that others make when their loved ones have important things going on in their lives. 

Walk Through The Fire

Buffy starts this song singing about how she has no other choice but to walk through the fire and let it burn her, but that she can't feel. Spike then joins in to say that the torch he bears (his love for Buffy) is scorching him and that he doesn't care if she dies before almost instantly changing his mind. He's soft, he cares here. She won't learn and she will go back to the fire and let it burn her unless her friends and him do something to help her. 

Giles is unsure about his decision to step back in case Dawn gets hurt. He's wondering if Buffy is too reliant on the others, and isn't as 'there' as she should be for all of this to save them. It's a valid fear, every parent wonders if they're doing the right thing for their kids and he's letting her go to now make her own mistakes.  Xander is worried, Anya insults him but agrees that he's right. Buffy's friends are coming together to help her and Giles realises here, I think, that he can help without taking it all for Buffy. They are there to help her and that is what they will do. 

Buffy doesn't quite understand at first and thinks her friends have all turned from her,  and she's singing about not being able to talk to them when Tara chimes in with the "what can't we face if we're together" line. Tara is looking at a much bigger picture here than just her heartbreak over Willow, she's seeing everyone in trouble and knowing that if they stick together then they can make it through this thing. 

I love that they all hit the nail on the head here in this next part with Anya singing that she came from the grave much graver, Giles singing about striking a spark when Buffy is drawn to the fire but that she can't feel. He's wanting her to have a spark of emotion.  Buffy gets that this is a big flame now, it's more than just a monotonous existence of her going trhough the motions  This is the "folks coming together in a call to battle" song

Something to Sing About

Buffy can't be a normal girl, she's not given the chance and she's just fumbling through her life and making it up like we all do.  Since she can't be in Heaven / perfection anymore then her life feels like Hell. Spike comes in, being the heart in this moment and reminds her to keep on living. That things will get better, but that also life is just this. She's alive and this is life. 

What You Feel (reprise)

"say you're happy now" - Sweet is defeated but this is sort of a knife embedded in your heart in a way. They've been singing and now they're safe from him since he's decided to leave them alone so they should be happy, but also they've gone through a lot of learning about each other and themselves, can they really be happy after all of that? 

Where Do We Go From Here

Giles points out that they kinda won - with what i've just said above about Sweet telling people to say they're happy now when they should be but probably can't be feels really important.  Xander and Anya singng about the path ahead being unclear when they had their life almost figured out, getting married and all that is similarly important. 

Everyone going "hand in hand" but "walk[ing] alone in fear" is one of the best lines from this song. They can come together to defeat the monster of the week but are they really helping each other? Are they really acting like a team? No. They're still not communicating properly and letting things stand in their way. 

Coda

Spike and Buffy singing together here ; she wants to feel and she makes him feel. It's poetic and beautiful but they're unsure of where this will take them. Is that enough? 

So, to sum up, this entire episode was a key one for learning how characters feel and getting them to do it through a song enchantment was brilliant. It felt cheesy and fun but with that darker undertone and that worry that there will be something that causes an unfixable rift in the group.

[allofmytoxicity]

Chapter Synopsis; An argument is had between Kaitlyn and Xander and it’s sorted out by a few very stressful words before the ball.

part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10 / part 11 / part 12 / part 13 / part 14 / part 15 / part 16 / part 17 / part 18 / part 19 / part 20 / part 21 / part 22 / part 23 / part 24 / part 25 / part 26 / part 27 / part 28 / part ...

Story Masterlist

Words; 2,873

Hidden in Plain Sight

16 June

“Keep your eyes on your opponent,” Xander said as I grunted, trying to keep myself stable while holding Xander’s sword away from me with my own.

“Well, I would, but the fact that my Father’s watching me distracts me a bit,” I say through gritted teeth, and manage to throw Xander off “And you’re going easy, when you know I need more practice,”

So, we restart.

Fighting is more like a dance than actual pushing and shoving. It’s more like a skill where you gracefully try to hit your opponent. It’s taken me a while to learn the steps of the graceful dance of near death, but it has paid off when I’m coming close to beating the youngest knight in the kingdom. Today though, I was just being sloppy. Sloppy as I was getting my anger out on Xander for what he had said to me earlier.

“Why are you pushing yourself so hard today?” Xander asked as I blocked one of his attacks.

“Why do you want to know so bad?” I say as I take a jab at him.

“Katie, come on. You can’t just cut me out of your life for yelling at you once, so please, just tell me,” Xander says as I push myself harder and harder.

“Can’t you just mind your own business for once!” I yell as I lunge at him and knock his sword out of his hand, onto the ground just by my Father’s feet.  

I give Xander one last glare before sheathing my sword and running back into the Castle to get ready for tonight's ball.

{----------}

I slammed open my door and walked in then slammed my door closed and took off my stuff.

I was so angry at him. At everyone that was preventing me from showing how much I love Jameson.

Alice came in and closed the door quietly as I stripped and got out what I would be wearing to the ball, but as I started to get things like a corset on, she tapped me on the shoulder, making me drop it on my foot, hurting it.

“Dang it, Alice!” I say as I walk over to my bed and pick up the corset on the way there and check to see if my toes were in any way damaged badly.

“What’s gotten you so pissed off?” Alice asks me and takes the corset from my bed and turns me around to stick it on.

“Just something Xander did earlier,” I say as I suck in a breath as Alice pulls the corset tight, not tying it though “It’s nothing big,”

“Well, it clearly is if you’re slamming doors, it’s not nothing,” Alice says as she finishes tying up the corset and starts untying my hair “But if you don’t want to talk, don’t,”

I ignored her as I sat there in a huff.

Father then suddenly burst through the doors, an enraged look on his face as he stomped towards me. Alice stood back as he did so. I tried to keep a calm look on my face and got comfy on my bed, getting ready to be told off.

“What on earth was that! To start with, you were sloppy, your posture was terrible throughout the whole thing and lastly, you almost injured the only person that you would let teach you as you tried to deliberately injure the rest of them!” Father said as I tried to finish taking out my hair, then tried to get up during Father’s lecture, but he pushed me back down.

“No, you will sit here and wait till I am done talking until you get up,” Father tells me.

“Well, would you want me to be late to the ball in which you are saying about how I truly ‘need’ a husband? Or would you like me to be fashionably late like normal? I wouldn’t mind being late as it would mean that I don’t have to spend as much time in a room with the person I’m holding a grudge against,” I said, a straight face fully intact as I contained the inner emotions I had, that wanted to burst out so easily.

“Well, the person I suspect you are holding a grudge against will be escorting you to the ball. There, you two will have to discuss your emotions and what happened out there today. If nothing is done, he will be escorting you everywhere until you two can talk things out,” Father says and then swiftly changes topic “Anyway, I don’t want you to be late, so go get ready. We will discuss this later,”

And then he leaves.

I breathe a sigh of relief when Father leaves and I can get up to go get the dress I’m wearing tonight to the ball.

“You know he doesn’t mean to be hard on you,” I hear a voice say from behind me that wasn’t Alice’s “Miss Lysandral, you can leave. I can help your sister prepare for the ball,”

“Please Xander, just call me Alice. You’re best friends with my older sister, and I’m nothing like the dungeon spider that is my younger sister.” Alice says, and I manage to push out a small smile on my face as I grab the dress I want.

I compose my face again before turning around to see Alice leave the room and the door shut.

“Why are you here?” I ask as I walk over and stick the dress down on my bed.  

I pick up my corset and try to put it on myself, finding the small task surprisingly difficult as I feel warm hands on my waist, taking the corset from my hands, and tightening it, no questions asked.

“Thank you,” I say, before stepping over to my dress.

“If you can’t even get into a corset on your own, how do you expect to get into what you call ‘a death trap’ on your own,” Xander says, and only now, is when I fully turn to face him, looking at him up and down as I did so. He looked wonderful. Clearly, someone had told him what I would be wearing, as he was wearing a forest green suit that matched my dress. I smiled at the fact someone had told him what I would be wearing.

“Why do you think I can do nothing on my own?” I ask, staring at him intently.

“I think you can do a lot independently, Kaitlyn, it’s just that, when you’re angry at someone, or holding a grudge, you’re terrible at doing things. Even with help,” Xander says, picking up the dress as he did so and unzipping it “I care about you, and want the best for you. So, what happened earlier with you and Jameson almost being caught. . . I want you to be able to be open about who you love. With the invisible rules your Father has set out for you, I will help you as much as I can in keeping your relationship a secret. Now, let me help you into this dress, or I will force you into this, and you’ll be fashionably late. Again,”

“I think I would like to give it a try first,” I say, grabbing the dress from Xander and trying to get into it.

I struggled. I could barely get one foot into it before falling. Luckily Xander caught me, and I pushed myself out of the dress. I looked at it, lying on the floor and I don’t know what it was, but I just walked away. I walked away from the dress and into the bathroom.

I closed the door and locked it. I sat down on the toilet. From there, I cried.

After a couple of minutes, I heard a knock followed by Xander talking.

“Kaitlyn,” He said and then went quiet.

I continued to sob as I heard a sliding sound on the other side of the door.

“Kaitlyn, until you open this door, I will sit here and wait. Even if that means I have to get Jameson up here, or your Father shouts at me,” Xander says and I hear him bang his head against the door.

“How would you even know where Jameson is?” I ask, sticking my head in my hands.

“She speaks!” Xander yells and I let out a small laugh “He told me yesterday when I was sneaking him out of the Castle that he would be here doing portraits at the ball to keep people interested, as well as you and your sisters not being bored out of your minds,”

I took a deep breath and stood up, unlocking the door. I opened it, clearly catching Xander by surprise as he fell through the door.

“Thank goodness you’re out! My butt was getting numb, and I don’t think I could sit here for hours on end, just waiting for you to come out of a bathroom,” Xander says and I give him a small smile “Now, you have a wonderful dress, that matches my very uncomfortably tight suit, and I want to get this night over and done with as soon as possible, so then I can get out of this suit,”

I smiled, walked over him and went over to my dress and started to try and get ready.

{----------}

When we arrived, it was only just on time. And when I say that, I mean, Father was giving me the looks of ‘how will this kingdom ever last with a queen like my own daughter?’ and I knew then, with what I had planned in my head for when Father had passed, he would be rolling in his grave.

As Xander and I walked down the stairs, I was hit by what felt like a wall of sound in my head. One that hadn’t been there before and it felt like a tuba was playing right into my ears.

I winced and Xander turned to look at me, a worried expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as I tried to block out the other sounds of the ball surrounding me.

“I don’t know. I need to get to a quieter space to hear what’s going on in there,” I say, all my focus turning to what was happening in my head.

“The voices? They’re back?” He asked, a now deeply worried look on his face.

“Yes,” I say shortly, not bothering to give any sort of context to guests as they tried to greet the pair of us as Xander and I passed them on the way to a quieter room.

On our travels through the ballroom, I saw Jameson on the edge, painting Alice’s portrait. I watched them smile and laugh about something, and then she pointed to me with a smile on her face, glancing at Jameson as she did so.

Soon enough after though, I was briskly shoved into one of the study’s Father uses and I was plonked down into a chair.

“Now we’re in a quieter room, listen to the voices and nothing else,” Xander says, standing in front of me like listening to the voices would save a life.

“Well, I would be able to listen to them better if you would shut up,” I replied, sassing him.

I listen in as I hear Xander sass me back, but I don’t decipher what he says as I was concentrating too hard to make my mind do anything else.

“Use this warning wisely; you only have months to prepare before you rule.”

I sat there in a stunned silence as I listened to this. My Father only had months left to live and there was a high chance there was nothing I could do about it.

Xander saw my face drop as I retained the information I was hearing as the door to the study we were in slammed open when Jameson burst through it.

“I saw you two rush away to somewhere when Alice pointed you both out. So, I decided to follow you both and see where you went. You both went in and from what I could hear, it was deadly silent, so something is wrong and I want to know what,” Jameson rushes out as Xander stands up, expecting someone like my Father to have walked through.

“When we were walking down the stairs, Kaitlyn heard a fresh set of voices in her head,” Xander said, returning to his original position.

“I couldn’t hear them properly, so when Xander asked about what they said, and I said the room was too loud, he dragged me in here,” I said, brushing down my skirts and taking a deep breath, before looking Jameson in the eyes.

All I could see was pity and worry.

“So, what did they say?” Was all Jameson asked of me from there before walking towards me and lifting me so I could nuzzle into him as I spoke.

I took a deep breath before answering the question as it deeply worried me what both of them would do from my answer.

“They were saying how I should ‘use this warning wisely’ and that I only have ‘months to prepare before you rule’ and that was it. They were saying my Father is going to die in less than a year,”

Xander taps me on the shoulder so that I look at him.

“Could you give us an exact quote of what they said?” He asks and I nod my head.

“An exact quote of what the voices said is ‘Use this warning wisely; you only have months to prepare before you rule.’ so there, that’s what they said. You’re welcome,” Was all I said before trying to get up, but was held down by strong arms.

“So you’re saying there is a high chance you’re going to be a mother in less than a year?” Jameson asks me straight up.

“Yep,” Was all I said as I felt redness creep onto my face as I heard Xander snort.

“What are you laughing at?” I ask in confusion as I thought that Xander would be worried, not chuckling at the fact my Father would be dead soon.

“Oh, I’m not laughing at the fact your Father will be dead in a few months, I’m laughing at the fact, that in a few months, you two will have had intercourse and will probably still not have revealed your relationship, let alone be married,” He says.

“And why are you stating this?” I ask.

“Well, because if you have a child out of wedlock, especially after his Majesty is dead, everyone will call you things like ‘the slut queen’ among other things,” Xander replies, a slight grim look on his face, that was outcasted when the small smirk came through his facial expressions.

“Don’t you dare talk to Kaitlyn like that,” Jameson growls out at Xander, a snarl showing on his face and venom dripping from his words.

While the boys continued to growl at each other, I managed to slip out of the study and back up to my room where I found Alice pacing by the door.

“Alice, what are you doing here?” I asked in confusion as to why she wasn’t down at the ball, enjoying being the life of the party for once.

“Well, your boyfriend abandoned painting me to go check on you, so I slipped up here to make sure you didn’t disappear up here for the night. So, I’m telling you, go back downstairs, have fun and forget about it,” Alice rants as I stand there smiling before taking her hand and leading her back downstairs to where I found Xander and Jameson, running around, trying to find both of us.

“Finally found you,” Xander said, breathing out a sigh of relief as he hugged me, gave me a once-over and then did the same to Alice “I’m not losing you again, so I hereby command you to stay by your boyfriend all night. I don’t care if you two are caught. All I care about right now is that that doesn’t happen again,” He said and then calmed down a bit.

“I would like to say I’m not happy about this, but that would be a total lie,” I say before turning to Jameson and kissing him on the cheek “Now, come on, I want to have some fun tonight,”

So with that, I forgot my worries as the fun-filled night of dancing, laughs and giggles began, and Of course, there was some hiding from Father that happened as well.

The night had to end at some point though, and the last thing I can remember from tonight was that Jameson kissed me and then snuck out of my room before I went to bed.

The one thing that bothered me all night though, was the voices. I know the truth will come out at some point but can’t I just have one small bit of happiness for once?  

The answer is clearly no from the words that now keep me awake at night.

‘Use this warning wisely; you only have months to prepare before you rule.’  

[aeviterncl]

❝ It isn't false, ❞ Xander mumbled as he tried to correct the girl's assumption, his voice a little weak from having to push aside that feeling in his throat.

This was seriously a mess, wasn't it? He made mistake after mistake and he couldn't help but feel like he should die on the spot. His heart was hammering so loudly in his ears that Xander could barely process the words Vivian was saying now. And when she shakily met his hand to hold it against her cheek longer, the boy's heart might have actually stopped for a good second or two. The softness of her cheek pressing into his palm was only making him more aware of how clammy his hands probably were at this point. Seriously, this is what he got for not having the proper experience (despite having knowledge) on how to treat others in these kinds of scenarios.

Forcing the gears in his brain to keep spinning, Xander re-focused himself on the conversation at hand, ❝ You'd... probably be surprised by how many people haven't wanted to consider me a friend, ❞ the redhead muttered with a weak laugh to downplay the content of his words as he pressed his thumb gently into her cheek, ❝ so I didn't want to assume that you would. ❞ But Vivian's words reassured him. She wanted to be his friend and he was allowed to call her that.

A weight seemed to lift off his shoulders now. While he was still a bit flustered, he didn't feel nearly as tense as a few moments ago. Pausing for a moment to ascertain if it was alright to withdraw his hand, Xander looked into Vivian's eyes momentarily (or at least where he presumed they'd be behind her glasses); upon getting the implicit okay from the shift in the way she held onto his fingers, he pulled his hand away, knowing that he had really left it there for too long.

Upon hearing her comment about the door, Xander remembered that he was still holding her up on going home to sleep for tonight. Right, he still had to get back to his dorm too. It was about time for them to part at this point. Briefly glancing at where he was holding onto the door, he let out a sigh to reset and speak at a normal volume, ❝ I'll let go once you go inside, ❞ he gently reminded her. He was tempted to ruffle her hair again, but cupping her cheek was enough for tonight, ❝ I can't exactly close it when you're right in the way to be smacked by it. ❞

    Did she happen to be angry? No, not exactly... yet given how earnestly Vivian proceeds to educate him as if he were her pupil and she his teacher, one may easily get the impression that she was being a highly pretentious know-it-all. The whole entire time, though, she was admittedly trying to mask the hurt plaguing her mind; only, Xander must have been more astute than she initially realized, because the next thing she knows, he was suddenly cupping a hand against her cheek, causing her to outright flinch.

    What even possessed him to do that? Still, with how gentle his touch was, it doesn't take long for her to unconsciously lean into his hand little by little, allowing her eyelids to gradually flutter shut... and soon, she finds herself letting out an exasperated sigh. "Y-You don't have to comfort me with such false flattery, you know," Vivian insists, but despite her words implying she didn't quite believe what he said, trembling fingertips would, against their better judgment, reach upwards to idly rest along his palm... not quite applying enough force to keep it there, but at least making it apparent she didn't abhor the way he had caressed her face.

    When next Xander admitted his true feelings, however, a scoff of disbelief was quick to issue it's way past her throat, and shortly thereafter, she'll subsequently glance downwards, prompting black strands to fall over half her face.

    "You mean you sincerely believed that this whole entire time? How do you manage to be so... so silly? Seriously, I have no words," Vivian goes on to mumble upon being truly taken aback by his wholesome, softhearted nature. Why, he was just so sweet and innocent, she couldn't help becoming embarrassed over the fact she had envisioned him in an impure light; then again, it only made her want to potentially corrupt him, which she supposed didn't make matters all that better. "For one thing, we talked a lot today, didn't we? Not to mention you even gave me a card... therefore, it's fine if we call each other friends. Heck, it's not like you have to read a handbook entitled, 'How to Win Over Vivi', in order to earn the right to consider yourself that," she finally reasons, hoping to dear god it might help prevent him from being as sensitive as before.

    "Now, let the poor door go and make your way back to your place already." Upon muttering that, Vivian would at long last let her hand fall back down along her side. "At this rate, you're gonna catch a cold..."

[hello-nichya-here]

Who was Buffy's worst boyfriend and why was it Riley?

*cracks knuckles* let's do this.

No Personality

This is by fair the biggest problem with how Riley was written. See, Joss Whedon never wanted Buffy to hook up with any vampire, but he was forced to write her romance with Angel. Buffy's college years were his chance to make the message of “vampires represent the struggles of adolescense, something the characters overcome as they grow” finally happen. He even added the episode “Something Blue”, that had Spike and Buffy dating because of a spell, as a way to make Buffy get over her thing for “bad guys” and moving on to liking guys like Riley, who are completely boring Nice Guys.

The problem is that there was nothing truly outstanding about Riley for us to get attached to him. Xander once says that he is a “once in a lifetime” guy, but what we actually see is that, because of his years in the initiative, Riley doesn’t think for himself, he is used to only doing things one specific way, and there are many, many, many, many, MANY others like him - and he ends up joining his buddies again after not that much time had passed since he left them, essentially negating any growth he could have possibly had. Buffy even straight up says that the whole reason why she was first drawn to Riley was because he was “a normal guy.” His appeal is supposed to be the fact that there is literally nothing unique or special about him.  

Angel was defined by guilt, Spike was defined by passion, and Riley was defined by "This Guy Is Not A Vampire" and that, by itself, is simply not interesting enough to make a good character - and Joss just had to go shoot himself in the foot by making an entire episode dedicated to Buffy ignoring him so she could make out with her evil boyfriend who was a fan favorite character because he had a fuck ton of personality from the very first moment he was on-screen.

Rewarded For The Bare Minimum

This is another case of Riley being more defined by who he isn't rather than by anything that makes him his own person.

Buffy’s first time was pretty traumatic. Angel lost his soul right after they first made love and became Angelus. He abandoned her, tortured her mentor, killed Jenny, attacked everyone she loved, stalked her, nearly caused the apocalypse, and all while twisting the knife further by constantly reminding her that all of this was happening because of what was supposed to be one of the most special moments of her life. Later, when she is in college, she meets Parker, who seems really nice at first, but then dumps her right after getting what he wanted.

Riley is appalled by all of this... but so is everybody else, including the audience. He puts Parker in his place, which is nice... but so do Buffy and Willow. He tries putting “Angelus” in his place... but Angel already has his soul again - he had it for almost two years by that point. He doesn’t break Buffy’s heart (by that point)... and THAT is supposed to make us adore him until the end of time.

Sure, it's great that he didn't bail right after sleeping with her... but the fact that this is a big deal is evidence of how shit Angelus and Parker were, not of how amazing Riley is. And even that positive trait of his is going to be thrown out the window later, so retroactively these sweet moments don’t mean anything, because we know he is going to show his true colors eventually.

My Way Or The Highway

Like I said, Riley’s time in the initiative, and his eventual return to being just another soldier among them, were a big part of why he had no real identity of his own, and it also leads to one of the main issues in his relationship with Buffy: Riley doesn’t know how to adapt.

He can’t bring himself to accept that, while he is part of a team, the world of the Slayer just doesn’t work like the military world. He can’t adapt to no longer being the special boy that is going to save everyone, and instead being the one who needs to step aside and be protected instead of protect every now and again. He can’t understand that Buffy telling him to take care of her younger sister in case shit goes wrong while she’s patrolling IS her including him in her life, both personal and as the Slayer, and trusting him with the person she loves the most. He can’t even accept the basic concept of “My strength is not why my girlfriend is attracted to me, nor was vampirism the reason why she started liking her ex.” 

And, most important of all, he refuses to see that just because Buffy isn’t completely useless without him that doesn’t mean she doesn’t need him, AND that him not constantly leaving her heartbroken is NOT a problem and that his belief that she can only truly show she loves him by suffering for him is weird as hell. For fuck’s sake, he makes her struggling to deal with life now that HER MOTHER IS DYING all about him and his insecurities.

Riley doesn’t really have anything going on in his life, and thus he just doesn't understand that Buffy isn't wronging him by having other things going on in her life, and that sometimes these things exclude him, or don’t include him in the exact way he hoped he’d be included.

The Season Five/Six Fuckery

After all that insecurity and hurt ego, Riley starts cheating on Buffy with what are essentially “vampire prostitutes” (Buffy even refers to them as his whores) - and this infidelity starts while Joyce is sick and dying. He is still constantly paranoid about Buffy leaving him for Angel, Spike, Dracula or literally any vampire that shows up, even though HE is doing the very thing he is borderline accusing her of doing, and he even leaves the house after making love to Buffy to go be with the vampires.

When Buffy finds out about this, he says what happened was not her fault... and then immediatelly proceeds to show he did not mean it, as he starts shifting blame, including complaining that she didn’t stop everything to call him when her mother was at the hospital nearly dying. He talks about he the vampires made him feel needed, and how Buffy neved did that for him, and then announces that he is going to disappear from her life forever unless she forgives him right that second.

But then, a season later, he comes back! He doesn’t apologize for shit, but he is being all sweet, and charming, and flirty, and Buffy is all hopeful... Except, surprise! He is married now! And he conveniently didn't mention that! And as a bonus he asked her, the SLAYER, for help to hunt the monster of the week, but just casually forgets to tell her THEY NEED THE THING ALIVE. Excellent job, writers, I am totally on his side here. Totally. I am definitively not making a Riley vodoo doll just so I can hurt him. 

No Remorse

This is the one that personally pisses me off the most. 

See, I never cared for Bangel and I don’t like the way Angel broke up with Buffy, but he DID feel bad about everything he did to hurt her AND he was worried that he was stealing her chance of having a happy life. It was a flawed, but genuine attempt at doing something good for someone he loved.

Spike is a fucking mess, and because he had no soul he did some truly horrible things, including almost raping Buffy - and the realization of what he almost did to the woman he loved made him so disturbed and disgusted at himself that he willingly went through hellish torture just to get his soul back so he would, in his words “Be the kind of man who would never... to be a kind of man.” He was a monster, and he changed for Buffy.

Hell, even Parker apologizes for what he did to Buffy. A minor character that wasn’t even that important and wouldn’t be getting the show any awards for brilliant writting was allowed to grow and learn from his mistakes.

Riley hurt Buffy deeply. And at no point does he show any understanding that this was wrong and he never gives her a proper apology.

The Realism Problem

I feel this one explains why people get such an intense negative reaction to characters like Riley (and Xander, even though I personally like him despite him angering me sometimes), while “forgiving” characters like Angel and Spike who, on paper, are much worse. It’s a lot easier not to care about behavior we don’t see in our daily lives. 

Sure, we all at least heard of an adult man that stalks and dates a teenage girl and crushes her heart by showing his true colors after he gets what he wants from her, or an obsessive guy who stalks the object of his affection and violently lashes out when rejected. But how many of us know freaking vampires? How many of us know a literal creature of the night that needs to drink blood to stay alive? How many of us know people that are possesed by demons and had their souls sent to hell? How many of us have casual interactions with what is basically a corpse? How many of us built relationships with what are serial killers by nature? How many of us met someone who tried to end the fucking world?

Vampires are monsters - but because they're not real it's a lot easier to turn off our brains and just enjoy the good side of these characters, since there isn’t really a real-life equivalent of their bad side.

Riley on the other hand? He is just a whiny, needy, selfish, hypocritical guy who never takes responsibility for his mistakes and that everyone keeps telling us is the best thing in the universe even though he is as interesting as watching paint dry. Once again, he is completely human. Which means everyone knows a Riley. Everyone knows A TON of Rileys. And people get sick of meeting them, be it in real life or in the media they consume.

How The Show Frames His Actions

THIS is the final nail in the coffin. This is what made Buffy and Riley’s romance age like milk and forced everyone to either choose between the two blood-suckers, ship Buffy with someone else, or want her to be single.

The main problem with Riley, the thing that makes him so disliked by so many, is that his flaws were accidental, not acknowledged, and, worse of all, presented as positive traits of the character. 

Nothing kills a story quite like the people writting it not understanding what they're creating. And the writers did not notice that Riley wasn’t a good guy and HE did not deserve Buffy, not the other way around.