#wwdits tickling

[abihasablog]

Life is very much kicking me in the butt, and I am struggling financially right now. So I'm opening up a ko-fi, and taking requests for fics! Tickling or non-tickling, SFW or NSFW! Please reblog if you can 💕

[amazingmsme]

So What’s the Big Deal?

AN: this is for that one anon a while back that was asking for more wwdits fics, the nuzzling prompt was perfect for namdermo fluff! Hope y’all enjoy, here’s day 8!

Guillermo thought that maybe, just once, it might be different. His... he was hesitant to use the word friends right now, so let's just say his roommates had been fairly reasonable with him lately, especially in comparison to his early years as a familiar. Nandor wasn't completely distant anymore, and he occasionally showed some semblance of affection. Colin Robinson didn't always drain his energy, and even Lazlo and Nadja started to use his real name!

... Most of the time. But Gizmo wasn't the worst, as far as nicknames were concerned.

He let out a deep sigh. Did Gizmo even qualify as a nickname? That sort of thing had always seemed like a fun in joke, where your friends gave you a cooler name than your own because they liked you, or it fits your personality better. They called him Gizmo because they couldn't bother to learn his real name for the longest time.

Most of the time he was the butler, the babysitter, the maid, but sometimes, they really made him feel like their pet.

Lazlo wouldn't stop fucking whistling at him. He had just told him he was busy, and now he was determined to make him drop his current task just to make him start a new one.

"Oh my god, what?" he cried out in frustration.

"Oh good, those ears of yours do work."

"Did you need something Lazlo?" It was best to cut to the chase with this lot.

"I do indeed! You see, a very large, very dead rat appears to have crawled inside the engine of my automobile, and you get to fish it out!" he finished with a smile, poking Guillermo's arm for emphasis.

"Ew, no! I'm busy, Nandor told me to have this done by the time he gets back. And besides, I have an order I need to go pick up."

"Come on Gizmo, it'll only take a second!" Lazlo insisted.

"I said no!"

"That's the spirit! Follow me!" He completely ignored Guillermo's protests and drug him away by the wrist, leading him to the garage.

~~~

It wasn't a rat, and it definitely wasn't dead. The possum had sprung to life as soon as Guillermo tried to lift it by its tail. It hissed and thrashed in his grip, scratching all the way up his arm, slicing through the thin rubber gloves he was wearing. He yelled out in pain and dropped the creature straight back into the engine. It flopped around on the inner mechanics before launching itself straight at Guillermo.

Lucky, he was able to catch it mid air just before it could latch onto his face and tear him to shreds. It still reached out for him, hissing and snarling in his face and lunging against his grasp.

Lazlo did nothing but watch as he wrangled the possum into a trash can and carry it outside. Okay, he held the door open for him, but he literally did nothing to actually help.

He didn't even say thank you!

Guillermo tried to calm himself down as he walked to the nearby bakery. The poor cashier gave him a concerned look when he walked in covered in bloody scratches.

"Possum," he explained bluntly and she nodded in understanding.

"Ah. Well, I hope this makes up for it!" she chirped in her customer service voice. He smiled politely.

"You and me both." He grabbed his bag and stuffed his wallet back into his pocket.

“Thank you, have a nice day!"

"Thanks, you too."

"And happy birthday!"

Guillermo paused with his hand on the door. That was the first time he'd heard that today.

"Thank you." He quickly rushed out before he burst into tears from a perfectly normal interaction. He didn't expect those words to hit him so hard, but hey, it's been a rough day.

He was relieved when he got home. He wanted nothing more than to rush off to his room before any of the vampires saw him and demanded his attention. Thankfully, no one seemed to be awake yet. What the hell, it was his birthday, a little pizza wouldn't hurt. It was still a few hours before sunset, so the delivery guy should be fine.

He placed his order and began the arduous task of deciding what to watch. He browsed through the downloaded movies on his laptop, pausing when he came across Sixteen Candles. How fitting...

He always did like that movie. And it at least felt festive for the occasion.

He clicked play and nestled into a hoard of blankets and pillows, keeping an eye out for his delivery.

He was halfway back to his room, pizza box in hand when he ran into Nandor, still in his sleeping robes.

"Guillermo, there you are!"

He was so close to the freedom of his room.

"Hello Master."

"I heard about what happened with the giant rat," Nandor began in his own form of apology.

"It was a possum."

"Same thing. Are you okay?" he asked, tilting his head as he took a step forward.

"Yeah, I just finished cleaning the scratches." Guillermo tried to step around him. "But I'm actually watching a movie right now, so..." he trailed off, excusing himself.

"Really? What's it about?" Nandor asked, deciding to follow him to his room. Well, if he really wanted to know...

"This girl's whole family forgets her 16th birthday, which is, like, a big deal for humans, all because her older sister's getting married the next day. But hey, at least they had a good excuse." His tone was a little harsher than necessary, and he made his annoyance clear when Nandor invited himself into his room.

"Oh please, I'm sure someone remembered," he said flippantly. Guillermo barked out a laugh.

"That's rich, coming from you."

Nandor's brows knit together in concern. "Guillermo, what's wrong?"

"You really don't know what day it is, do you?" he asked, hanging on to the last bit of hope.

"... Tuesday?"

"It's my birthday!" Guillermo didn’t like how long it was taking him to respond.

"So, like, what's the big deal?" God, he hated just how clueless Nandor could be.

"Get out," he said calmly, pointing at the door.

"Wait-" Nandor called out, and Guillermo looked at him expectantly. "Is it really your birthday?" he asked sheepishly.

He nodded, arms crossed over his chest. "Yeah, it is. But I know you guys don't really care about that sort of thing, so it's fine." He turned away, grabbing a slice of pizza to indicate the discussion was over.

So why was he still standing there?

"Guillermo... Are you mad at me?" Of course that’s all he cared about. And he really didn't want to deal with this right now.

"No Master, I'm just tired. So can I please just watch my movie?"

Nandor didn't know what to think. Sure, Guillermo said he wasn't angry, but his whole demeanor said otherwise. He was hesitant to leave if he upset him.

"Of course! You know, I too enjoy a good moving picture," Nandor wandered closer to the bed, peering down at the screen. Guillermo sighed.

"Do you want to watch it?"

"Thank you, I'd love to!" Nandor exclaimed and immediately flopped down next to Guillermo, taking up a fair amount of space on the bed. He adjusted himself until he was comfortable before resting his chin on his shoulder to see the screen better.

Well, maybe this day wasn't the worst.

He hadn't been very far into the movie, so he played it from the beginning for Nandor's sake. This almost felt... nice. Normal. But in the back of his mind, he knew Nandor was only doing this because he felt guilty.

The vampire shifted in his seat, hugging him closer and nuzzling into his neck slightly. Guillermo tried to scrunch his neck, lips twitching into a smile. Nandor's beard was scratching against a particularly sensitive spot right behind his ear. Finally, it grew to be too much,  and Guillermo had to shove him away.

"Stohop! That really tickles!"

The silence that followed sent a chill up Guillermo's spine.

"I'm sorry, it really what?" he asked deviously, flashing his fangs with an evil grin. Before his familiar could answer properly, he buried his face in his neck, drawing out a shrill squeal instead.

"Nohohothihing! Just forget ihihit!" he cried frantically, desperately clawing at Nandor's arms wrapped around him. That rough beard returned to the soft skin of his neck, and a hand flew up to hide his blushing face. He wasn't even facing him, but he felt he needed to hide.

"Nooo, I don't think sooo!" he cooed directly in Guillermo's ear; the hot breath and rough stubble sent goosebumps across his whole body. He was downright mortified when he felt fangs trace and nibble just below his jaw, and he immediately snorted.

"Nohoho, plehehease!" he whined as Nandor wrestled his arms down to his sides, leaving him utterly defenseless. He began nuzzling against the nape of his neck and behind his ears, growling and nipping just to hear the frantic jump in laughter each time.

"What an adorable weakness for you to have! You better hope Nadja and Lazlo don't find out about this, they love themselves a helpless, ticklish neck," he taunted, and Guillermo could practically hear his grin.

Fuck. "Dohohon't you dahare tehehell them!" he tried to sound threatening, but it wasn't coming across as planned.

"Don't worry, I don't plan on sharing," he set his worries at ease, but he honestly didn't know if that would be worse.

"Nahahandor! Just lehehet mehe gohohoho!"

"It's funny, hundreds of men said the exact same thing, and it never saved them. Then again, they weren't laughing like you are."

"Just kihihill mehehehe!" he yelled dramatically, and Nandor couldn't help but chuckle along.

"On your birthday? I couldn't! But you might wish you were dead by the time I'm through with you!" he threatened.

"M-mahaster, plehehease!" Guillermo could only squeal and thrash as he was tickled from behind. His pleading went ignored, and Nandor nuzzled deeper against his neck, causing him to let out an adorable gasp. His nose scrunched and he snickered and shook his head back and forth.  The not quite so unbearable torture persisted.

He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He couldn't believe Nandor actually felt bad for forgetting his birthday, and was trying to cheer him up. He could deny it all he wants, but Guillermo knows that's why he's really doing this. Then again, his master loves having any kind of power over someone, so he'll take that with a grain of salt. But he was being gentle with him; he was intentionally being playful. In his fuzzy, giggly mindset, that had to mean something.

And then curious, probing hands slipped under his sweater, and all those nice thoughts flew out the window because now Nandor was kneading his hips and belly. He barked out a surprised laugh, hands flapping by his sides where they were pinned. He managed to slip an arm free, weakly tugging at the invading hands.

"Uh oh, we can't have that," Nandor muttered as he pinned his arm above his head. Guillermo shook his head frantically as nervous giggles spilled past his lips.

"Nohoho! Nahandor, plehehease! It tickles!" he begged, and he could feel the smile pressed against his neck stretch wider.

"Oh my sweet Guillermo, the real tickling hasn't even started yet," he taunted, relishing in the choked yelp that caught itself in his victim's throat.

He didn't have time to question what that meant before he was screaming in laughter. Nandor hugged him closer as one hand dug in his exposed pit while he blew a relentless onslaught of raspberries on his neck.

This was shaping up to be a long night.

[bimobuddy]

Started watching 'What We Do in the Shadows' and listen, I'm here to speak (about season 1, I just started it like two days ago)

Nandor is a lee leaning switch, and I think he whines

Nadja is a fierce ler but I can also see Laszlo occasionally slipping a quick flutter here and there (before she ultimately GETS him)

Laszlo is a switch, but he only goes after his wife (which results in him getting got)

Surprisingly, I see Guillermo as a ler, and I think he'd tweak Nandor's sides or flutter his fingers over his neck if he's acting up or bothering him while he's trying to work (if he became brave enough later)

And if you thought I was leaving Jenna out of this, you're mistaken

Jenna, the babygirl, is a lee

I think she'd use her invisibility to try and sneak up on Nadja since they're close, but due to heightened senses and over a century of experience, it's very easy for her to find Jenna, scoop her up into her lap, and just get her

I also think if Jenna is laughing, she loses control of her power and occasionally just pops back into view or disappears from it, and Nadja finds it VERY amusing and teases her about it

"Oh where did you go? Where is my Jenna, come back and show me your pretty face, I want to see your smile~"

Laszlo gets jealous of the attention Jenna gets but Nadja makes sure to get his ass later and give him the attention he wanted

"No there's no backing out of it now, not when you were just pouting like a big sad dog~"

[ace-fender-bender]

Still not over Colin Robinson dating David Crockett at the ALAMO!! They probably lost cuz his hungry ass was in there draining them

[scribbaly]

Holding Out

fandom: wwdits, Nandor x Guillermo

an: oh boy this idea hit me and i finally wrote it down. also first fic on this blog!! im def open to feedback, i want to get better, i just ask for kindness <3

Guillermo wasn’t one to ask too many questions about every escapade Nadja and Laszlo got up to, but the sitting room was almost destroyed. He looked in awe at the mess of cushions, books, torn paper, and akimbo furniture as Laszlo ushered the familiar towards the disaster. 

“Be a good lad and tidy this up, eh Gizmo?” He drawled, patting Guillermo on the shoulder before sauntering upstairs. Guillermo groaned and got to work, adjusting the flipped couch and picking up debris from the broken side table.

It didn’t take him nearly as long as he thought it would and all he really had left to tackle at this point was the shelves of books and knickknacks artifacts. Quite a few had been knocked loose and he was putting them back where they belonged. A couple of the top shelves were just out of his reach so Guillermo used one of the tables to give himself a boost, he could feel it teetering under his weight from one of the legs being shorter than the rest (due to a separate incident). He leaned forward onto his tiptoes to place some sort of chalice back where it belonged when the table lurched and Guillermo could feel gravity working against him as he tumbled back and fell.

Guillermo anticipated the hardness of the floor but was met with a torso and was cradled by someone’s arms. He tilted his head up and saw the quizzical expression of Nandor. 

“Nice catch, Master.” Guillermo said with a bashful smile. 

Nandor scoffed, helping Guillermo down, “You must be more careful, Guillermo…” Guillermo brightened.

“If you die, who will iron my capes?”

Guillermo frowned. Moment over.

The familiar straightened his glasses as his Master looked him over. “Sorry. I’ve just got to put the rest of this back. Nadja and Laszlo really tore up the place.”

“So I heard.” Nandor said with a smirk that threatened to send a blush creeping over Guillermo’s cheeks. “Well, don’t let me keep you.” He continued, making a shooing motion toward his familiar.

Guillermo rolled his eyes before looking back at his makeshift step stool. “Actually Master, do you think you could give me a lift? It would make this a lot easier.”

 Nandor looked aghast, “Now what would be the point of having a familiar if I have to do the work?”

 “You’ve lifted me to fly plenty of times, this isn’t any more than that. I just need a boost.”

Nandor grumbled and let out a “fucking guy” under his breath as he reached for Guillermo. 

Nandor’s touches were never gentle. He wasn’t rough with Guillermo, but his movements were usually pretty stiff. So it totally took Guillermo by surprise when he felt the vampire's hands latch on to his hips and curl his fingers for purchase. He yelped and Nandor immediately let go. The familiar instinctively wrapped his arms around his chest and took a step back, the back of his leg hitting the table. Nandor looked him over quickly, concern on his face. “Guillermo, I know you’re a weak little human but I didn’t think I grabbed that hard. Did I hurt you?”

Guillermo shook his head and batted away one of Nandor’s hands as he reached for the same spot. “No! No, sir. It’s just- I’m- It tickled, that’s all.” Nandors eyes snapped up to look into Guillermo’s, his look of concern morphing into a look of playfulness at the mention of the word.

“Tickled? Guillermo, have you been holding out on us?” He smirked, causing Guillermo to gulp and butterflies stir up in his stomach at the hunger in Nandor’s eyes.

What the vampires got up to in this house wasn’t a secret, and Guillermo had to clean up the little playroom they had plenty of times. And he couldn’t blame them, branching out and trying new things seemed normal for an immortal. One of the things they had fun with was tickling each other. Sometimes light and playful, other times for hours on end. Guillermo couldn’t deny his jealousy but he’d never ask to participate. 

Standing here now with Nandor crowding into his space, Guillermo couldn’t help feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement. “Y-you never asked.” He countered, a smile already tugging on the corner of his mouth. 

Nandor 'tsked' and reached forward quicker than Guillermo anticipated and latched back on to his hips, squeezing gently, Guillermo barked out a surprised laugh before it teetered out into a stream of giggles as he wriggled from side to side, trying to disarm Nandor.

The vampire grinned, his fangs poking over his bottom lip. “Guillermo! I am barely touching you. Is this one of your bad spots, hm?” He squeezed at his familiar’s hips in rapid succession causing Guillermo’s laughter to jump up into a cackle and had him folding in on himself like a pill bug. Nandor used his momentum to gently toss Guillermo onto the couch and straddled him with one leg, using one hand to gather up Guillermo’s arms and pin them to the arm of the couch.

Guillermo caught his breath, giggles still slipping between his lips. His giddy smile didn’t disappear as Nandor loomed over him with a grin that made Guillermo’s heart flip and sink simultaneously. 

“Where else are you ticklish?”

[miss-vanman-sam]

What We Do In The Shadows (Series) Ler Headcanons

Nandor The Relentless

At first, he wouldn't be a playful ler. He would only really resort to tickling because he sees it as a way to 'punish' and 'maintain power' over puny humans, such as yourself - without causing any harm, of course

For example, if you annoyed him he'd be like, "Fucking hell! Come here, right now - I need to punish you!" , and then proceed to pin you down and scribble his fingers on your sides until you yell out an apology though your helpless giggles

After a few times of him 'punishing' you, he'd start to notice that you make more of an effort to get on his nerves

It's only when you'd start getting giggly as you irritate him, that he realises that maybe you might be doing it on purpose

He'd ask you about it outright, wanting to ensure that you're not just incompetent

If he finds out that you like it? You'd be royally fucked

Starts dishing out reward tickles whenever he thinks that you've been good :)

"You've been very helpful lately, my friend." *wiggly fingers* "Would you like me to give you some tickles?~"

Never purposely teases and is completely oblivious to the effect it has on lees

"C'mon, now! Move your hands out of the way so I can get your tummy~"

"Why are you squirming? I though you wanted tickles?"

10/10 - excellent ler, would reccomend

Lazslo Cravensworth

God, where do I start with this man?

Mainly uses tickles for two reasons: as a way of bonding, and as a way of annoying you

Is quite an experienced ler, as he and Nadja have tickle fights all the time

KNOWS how to tease a lee

Sometimes, he’ll just come outta NOWHERE and tackle you to the ground before wrecking your shit with a self-satisfied grin on his face

Other times, he prefers a chase - letting you get a few seconds head start before transforming into a bat to hunt you down:

“You have 10 seconds to run, little one ~”

THIS MOTHERFUCKER USES HIS FANGS TO TICKLE YOU

He pretends to eat you, but just really lightly noms on your neck and belly LIKE A MENACE

"Oh dear - look at you wriggling like a little worm! Well, little one, did you know that bats eat worms?” *Proceeds to make ridiculous nomming noises as he tickle-bites*

Gives gentle head-pats after tickles to show that there is no animosity between you

“You’re one adorable little bastard…”

Nadja of Antipaxos

(I’m gay and I love her)

She is a RUTHLESS ler

Teasy as hell

The main reason she tickles is because she finds their reactions adorable

Lures in unsuspecting lees with cuddles, before trapping them in her arms and just WRECKING them

Has the audacity to wiggle her fingers above a lee and go, “coochie coochie coo!”

“Your little giggles are so cute! I have to hear more of them ~”

Uses her long, pointy fingernails to scratch gently between ribs

When she’s feeling particularly mean, she’ll call her husband over while she’s wrecking you, and proceed to talk about you like you’re not right there

“Lazslo, my dear! Aren’t they just darling? Look at how much they’re blushing!”

When she’s finished tickling her Lee, she gives plenty of hugs to her exhausted victim - usually asking Guillermo to fetch them a blanket and a snack

Evil, but caring ler :)

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

some wwdits finale thoughts--

i found that okay but wasn't nuts about it. i feel like i would've liked to see it strike a more tender emotional note with most of the characters. (i get the "they never change~!" argument, but i feel like it's somewhat at odds with the show itself, and there have just been so many good earnestly touching moments throughout the years that i definitely wanted more of those here at the end!) wanted more laszlo and nadja and maybe a fond little farewell to their iconic marriage. it kind of shocked me that laszlo, nadja, and colin were left so in the background while guillermo and nandor got so much of the ending. (though i can't complain because i love them dearly and i do think of them as the two main characters of the series, and the characters who changed the most, even if they can't tell they did.)

i did enjoy the ambiguous nandermo of it all (although i wish they would've hugged 😢 they both needed a hug and i needed them to hug, okay), and i especially liked that guillermo "decided to leave" to give the documentary some closure but then immediately came back to be like, "jk, HEY BESTIE!" because guess what! guillermo's life doesn't always have to be sacrifice! guillermo can have what he wants! he can embark upon a new life out in the world AND stay in his weird thing with nandor and his vampire besties! and, i guess, fight crime and do things in the shadows with nandor in their underground lair!

also cute that nandor and guillermo ended up in bed (well, in coffin) together at the end of the episode, just like nadja hypnotized us into imagining as the most perfect ending we could possibly imagine with our simple little human minds! (that's the one us hulu viewers got, anyway!) i did definitely earnestly believe for a second there that they were gonna make out in the coffin instead of what actually happened. le sigh!

random thoughts:

was nadja dolly in this episode (aside from the rosemary's baby hypnosis) and i just forgot from finale brain scramblies? i felt like i was missing her.

feeling like they could've done more with the monster and, idk, tied that to the theme of this season a little more somehow (whatever the theme of this season was). i just feel like something got left hanging there. maybe something to do with laszlo and colin and parenthood and daddy issues.

nandor's continued crush on the guide why?? you know what, i won't stress over it. i'll just cling to the fact that he committed so hard to his life with guillermo that he somehow made the underground lair happen.

wish they'd called back to guillermo's vampire slayer powers more somehow. i just feel like we needed way more of that!

i wish we could've seen seanie and charmaine and the baron and the sire again :'( like maybe they could've thrown a viewing party of the documentary at the end!

also: omg, i want more about the documentary (or documentaries)! who are these maniacs out here making multi-year documentaries about vampires and what role are those documentaries supposed to play in society?? they should've given us at least a little bit more about that! come on!

i think we need a movie to wrap up these loose ends and finally provide a nandermo embrace. a movie and six seasons and a movie, if you will.

p.s. JACKIE DAYTONA! i am also pretty tickled by the thought that the events of "local news", perhaps the most chaotic and deranged episode, happened twice.

p.p.s. NANDERMO BAD GUY FIGHTING SPINOFF PLS!

p.p.p.s. headcanon: nandor and guillermo both watch the finale episode someday and envision the sitcom-marrieds dream sequence as their perfect hypnotized ending. are forced to confront their feelings at last.

[whomstwedointheshadows]

I am howling at the sky for the look tonight that Harvey Guillén staked to death, spat on, and made it beg on the red carpet. Instead of just ranting to my queer fashion/fandom retail friends again, I took our collective slobber and tears to outline my plea to the fashion gods.

Why doesn’t this man have a ‘mens’wear line in every American mall? There is a gap in the market for adventurous, queer friendly suiting available through a retailer like Macys/J C Penney. Yes, retail is dying and wedding industry more so, but that’s particular to what’s available for consumers as well. Suiting is turned from off the rack into iconic by proper tailoring, but let me tell you from working all sides of the bridal salon, even up-scale clothing lines are getting rude as hell about quality and assembly to prevent tailoring and longevity.

This kid’s Disney charm would be perfect for introducing a plus size, inclusive line of fashion-forward pieces which include, say a QR code video about taking your own measurements, how adjustments work, with pieces designed to be sleek, with enough allowance for tailoring, and minding the lines in the garment to make the adjustments for plus size bodies easier. It’s no more adjustments than are made on straight size bodies, it’s just straight size bodies have more options to find a line which works with their natural shape.

But in my experience, it’s gender non-conforming folks and plus sized folks who get pushed out of finding pieces they can actually use for celebrations or work, much less pieces with actual personality that spark joy. This man has been killing it for years, really getting some clutch looks for events and invites in the fashion world. He’s showing proof of concept every time he steps in front of a camera.

Watching Harvey’s fashion evolution, I trust his fashion team and judgement to create a mid/high line for workwear to events suiting embracing a gender nonconforming audience. I can’t think of anyone better situated to become the ambassador of a brand with *the* formal wear for queer events and special occasions. I was tickled to see he sells his own merch and hope this experience convinces him of the joy working with artists and connecting their visions to a wanting public, dipping toes into the new ethical, sustainable trends in fashion. His looks alone shows he’s done his homework over the years about timelessness and early adopting trends.

For the years I worked selling/tailoring wedding dresses, there was the prophetic ‘someday… along will come the man who revives men’s fashion for events again’ to save the David’s bridal/men’s wear house lines who keep dropping plus sizes like mine and dying off. As the pet butch in the bridal salon I pleaded to the sky for better suiting options. Add that to my butch lezzy ways and trans masc circle of friends I legit spent this past Friday night drunk in a bar with a seam ripper adjusting jackets and darting pants in an unplanned sewing circle for a bachelorette until it was my round of karaoke. This isn’t the first time I’ve spontaneously started tailoring for the queers, I can’t keep up with the demand! Y’all we are in our twenties to mid thirties there should be better options than this that don’t require a vacation to LA/NY!!

I have ethical, sustainable fashion preferences about slipping in a retailer versus an online brand. But for the vision of accessible clothing to the masses pushing the envelope of the kind of quality only vintage pieces are affording the general public, this is the only celebrity really posed with the image, high energy, and bona fides to be the face of it. His connections in the fashion game are only growing as WWDITS wraps up.

If this man opened a pop-up suiting/fashion shop I’d take my limited time and resources to really dig in to the designers he promoted. I’d be howling in the streets for my celebrants to go get a Gullién. There’s no shortage online pattern makers, but there is a shortage of queer friendly shops to really get pieces that pop and it feels safe to enjoy in a retail environment. For average people wanting to engage with fashion that affirms their identity on their special day, there’s too much fucking compromise. Honestly it’s nice that I have a side hustle sewing to pattern, but I’d give it up in a fucking heartbeat for there to be actually sustainable and approachable options. I wish there was an in between of being ‘affordable’ gnc suiting in an American mall but add plus size availability and it gets sad for your most thrifty, creative friends. Someone needs the step in the gap, and why not someone at the top of the game?

Even if it was just a pop up line every few years, I’d fucking salivate over every image in that catalogue two thousand miles away for what it can teach home sewists just by virtue of curating those artisans with the express goal of queer, fat friendly designs playing together. Just the existence of vintage shops like Proud Mary creates a boom across the inter-webs of new sewists per post. Could anyone really imagine if there were actually accessible stores in key cities/supported by an online catalog with a personable, rising star as the brand face?

Please feed us more fashion, Harvey. Keep those stylists and designer friends close. Please. I cannot stress how many mascs/nb-bebes keep dropping your name every fitting consultation across this nation and it’s for good reason.

[bottombaron]

theory #2 

Nandor was on the balcony the whole time.

So I'm not going to waste time trying to convince anyone that Nandor Knows. Basically you do or you don't. For me it could go either way. I don't think there's necessarily enough proof in the text that he knows, just that 1. The show writers are clever enough to not actively disprove it (they do this all the time with things, it's something I admire. wwdits loves nothing more than its red herrings) 2. Im 97.3% sure Kayvan Novak was playing Nandor, post The Baron being fried part 2 electric boogaloo, as knowing Guillermo is a vampire - and that he was never coming back after fleeing. Not to get into actor objectives, etc. here, but that doesn't have to be supported by the text or something he's been told to do. As an actor you basically come up with these choices on your own by your own interpretations and what you feel would be the most interesting choice. I know a lot of people who have theories and will point to an actor's choices as proof of something that probably isn't in the text of the scripts themselves and those choices don't really have as much connection to the intent of the author as you might think. Although, I personally find an actor's choices more compelling than what’s in the text, especially if it’s an interesting one that makes for a compelling emotional arc for the character.

tldr; my gut says that Kayvan is playing Nandor like he knows; at least in the last half of this episode. But even if he is, that doesn't necessarily make it canon. 

So, moving to the meat of the theory, a small thing that got me thinking is - we don't see (or hear) Nandor for a very long time during Guillermo’s confession. We don't hear him crashing around in the background, comically trying to set up a platter of blood, no insert shots of a camera spying on him while Guillermo’s voice carries over in order to give an extra weight of guilt to the words confessing his betrayal…there’s nothing. Now, again, this isn't proof. I just find it unsettling whenever characters talk about someone and you can't see where the subject of their conversation is, and yet you know that they're close by. It’s such a classic set up for the ‘oh no they were right behind you all along’. (ngl I was certain that Nandor was going to be right behind The Guide the whole time because her blocking put her hiding most of the hall from view and that had my palms itchy with suspicion). Of course tho all these things could have perfectly innocent explanations for them. That's again a big strength of wwdits that gets often overlooked: They know the tropes and either lean so heavily on them to the point of absurdity or more commonly subvert them in some way. Wwdits isn’t a sitcom, it's a satire of a sitcom. They want you to be thinking “where is Nandor?” during this scene, subconsciously, in the back of your mind. Even if it does nothing more than just to fuck with us. 

A final third thing that tickled my spidey-sense is that we never see the full balcony after Nandor goes to fetch the drinks. Here is the shot set up right before, during (Nandor’s absence), and after:

Most of the set up here before Nandor leaves is in a wide shot that shows majority of the stairs and balcony. Which makes sense, it’s the best way to fit everyone, including Colin on the left of the stairs and Nadja on the right, into the same shot. But once Nandor walks down the hall that shot is replaced with mid shots and shot-reverse-shots between Guillermo and The Baron. Even at the ‘During’ point, where The Guide is speaking and we get the widest shot of the foyer - we only just barely reach over the middle of the balcony, and by then Guillermo had already confessed.

Right when Nandor comes back tho? We’re back to the wide shots that include the balcony. 

Now, the hardest part of such a simple theory was understanding the house layout better in order to know how/if Nandor could get to the balcony from the back of the hallway (and not the front staircase) without being seen, since all we know is that he heads down the hall when he announces he will go get a “carafe of blood”. Logically I thought that he would head to the kitchen.

Which then got me thinking…where the fuck is the kitchen??  

Sadly the floor plans released by the set designer aren't actually that helpful in answering this because it shows that kitchen on the first floor, the first door on the right. But we know that the first door on the right isn’t the kitchen due to the pilot and Go Flip Yourself episodes. The pilot shows a smaller, dimly lit area with different fixtures that is probably either a storage area or a restroom. In Go Flip Yourself, we know that the wall would have been taken out in order to extend Guillermo’s alcove into a proper room, which they wouldn’t have done if it was adjacent to the kitchen since they were ment to renovate that area too. Plus there was septic sewage seeping in under his floor which lends more to it being a first story bathroom (also because I don’t think that there is anywhere else to put a bathroom on the fist floor according the floor plans). The other doors on the left are Nandors room and the other room on that side probably leads to the basement since Guillermo exits that way from the cage he was held in season 3. On the other side we have one more door that I have no idea where it goes to but if I had to guess I would think it’s maybe Nadja’s and Laszlo’s room. Then there’s a little adjacent alcove/hallway at the very end. Here we have a lamp, a clock, and either a chair or a giant feather thing on one side. And on the other side there is a blue door.

And I only had to find all that out by rewatching several episodes and freeze-framing multiple times to the point of agony.

Making my best guess as to where the kitchen is: it’s probably at the very, very end of the hallway, past all the bedrooms and main hallway, to the blue door on the right side of the alcove. I figured this by the blue door having a similar door handle and that it opens in from the left instead of the right like all the others on the same floor. 

So. The most logical thought is that Nandor went into the kitchen in order to get the drinks, right? But how does this get him to the balcony? 

In the Local News episode, Guillermo makes towards down the hall with his dinner but Colin Robinson stops him and tells him not to go that way. Here we see Guillermo put his hand on the left stair banister to indicate that he is going to take the stairs up and head to the dining room on the second floor.

If Guillermo goes to the dining room from upstairs then we can make the leap that the dining room was the intended location to begin with when he was going down the hall. So - there must be a way to do that, right? In the little tag at the end of the episode Guillermo finishes his dinner and goes right instead of left like he did when he was running away from The Baron.

He then takes these little stone stairs to the first floor but right before that we have a small little peak of horizontal subway tile.

Which is the exact subway tile that we see in the kitchen.

So the kitchen connects to the staircase to the second floor in the hallway of the dining room. And, because we have just seen Guillermo run down that same hallway and take a left, crashing into the wooden frame and onto the first floor…

… if Nandor took those same stairs up, went down the hall, past the dining room, and took a left….he would be right on the balcony. 

Looking down on Guillermo's confession.

And, since nothing happens in wwdits without being filmed the next question would be: well ok but was it filmed? Because if it wasn’t filmed then it didn’t happen. You can’t have the reveal. Now wwdits doesn’t exactly play fair all the time with its film crew. There’s several times when a shot is impossible by virtue of it supposedly being filmed in real time. And really, that’s just going to happen. You can’t use a lot of film language already with how wwdits is filmed and making sure every shot is in accordance to roughly 4-5 in-universe apparently human people with no reshoots is impossible. But we have been a little bit more trained to think about the film crew this season, what with them actually participating more into what we’re shown - the set up of shots, hearing them ask questions and push Guillermo to talk about his turning with Derek, the crew that followed Guillermo to talk to his mother is actually pointed out to be two people, when his aunt asks them if they're hungry. From that we can also start thinking about how there are probably two people per plot (a plot and b plot), one for camera and another most likely a producer or sound guy. And we know that just about everyone is downstairs in this intervention, with the exception of Laszlo, who is catatonic and easily visible in the library on everyone’s right. So if just about everyone is in one place you would only need two people here. The other two would follow the ‘b’ plot: Nandor. But we don’t see anyone follow him down the hall. 

Well, again keeping in mind impossible shots happen all the time, I don’t think it’s a stretch to give a little weight to this shot here:

Right after Guillermo and The Baron part ways and Guillermo opens the door, frying the Baron for the second time, that shot is caught from the balcony, but it would have been ‘impossible’ considering none of the crew were seen going upstairs. Even if they had left with Nadja or Nandor when the camera had turned to close in on the The Baron and Guillermo’s conversation, both of them had gone down the hall on the first floor (most likely to their rooms) while The Guide went across, away from the stairs, probably to the library with Laszlo. So there would have been no reason for them to be upstairs if they were following the vampires like they’re supposed to.  

Unless, they were already upstairs to begin with. 

Conclusion:

So we have the opportunity and means for both part of the camera crew and Nandor to have been up on the balcony while Guillermo confessed:

A part of the crew, probably stuck upstairs after Guillermo had run away from The Baron, stayed up there for any number of various reasons. Damage to their equipment, resetting equipment, etc. but either way, they’re not necessary to film the gang downstairs since they are all together at the moment. 

Nandor, going down the hall, to the very end, and then to the right puts him into the kitchen. From there he either can’t find a platter, cups, blood, becomes curious, who the hell knows, and decides to go upstairs using the tiny stone staircase hidden there. (maybe he is looking for a fancy platter to put the drinks on and they would be all upstairs in the dining room since they were just hosting a party). 

Maybe hearing his name or anything else to spark his curiosity he walks down the hall and towards the balcony that Guillermo was just running down a few minutes earlier. There he watches Guillermo talk about being turned by Derek. 

The other half of the crew that were left upstairs get lucky enough to catch it on tape and then lucky again to get a perfect shot of The Baron being fried for a second time when that happens later. 

Nandor returns to the group with his platter of drinks, knowing that Guillermo went behind his back to be turned by Derek. No one but the crew knows he was ever up there.

And that is how (I think) Nandor was on the balcony the whole time.

[wretchedwitchpussy]

WWDITS 6x01 "The Return of Jerry" rewrite/fix-it fic

Rewrite of 6x01, I used the actual script in some parts to carry plot and so that the actual structure of this project resembles the structure of the season, but 90% of it is rewrite. I am planning on rewriting all of season 6 as God intended, with fully fleshed out plot lines carried over from seasons prior to season 6, and character/relationship development. I'm trying to make this as true to what they tried doing without it sucking so bad, meaning that structure (ie Cannon Capital, Jerry, will stay as points, but they're used to further the plot and relationships of characters instead of just. Being there. And then getting thrown away) Basically I'm just trying to fix everything I'm pissed about. I'm trying to stay pretty true to the tone of the show though. This will integrate past plot points like the extra djinn wishes, the Guide being a bamf sex freak, as well as Nandermo+Guidja canon. I also think Guidor as a cope could have been fleshed out better as a precursor to Nandermo. I'm also planning on doing Guillermo is an EV as well as Nandor turns human via djinn wish so stay tuned. I promise this will make sense. I'm eventually planning on publishing this on ao3 when my invite gets accepted.

tags/cw: Jerry desperately wants the Guide. Colin fucks the Guide also. The Guide is getting crazy tail. Nandor and Guillermo are kind of a divorced bitter couple who don't know how NOT to hurt each other yet bc like. Duh. They've been bad at communicating and they've hurt each other. NADJA AND LASZLO DON'T RANDOMLY FUCKING HATE EACH OTHER AND ARGUE? Also Guillermo lives in the house so he doesn't freeze and piss in a bucket? But they leave him alone (boundaries), Angst, also some silly, mentions of sex/some sexual content, generally setting up exposition, I don't really know how to do tags bc it's my first fanfic n I wrote this at 3am. Spot the raven cycle quote and you get a cookie. If you know me irl no you Don't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another night had fallen on Staten Island. In the library of the vampire’s mansion, Nadja read, Laszlo smoked, and Colin Robinson coughed in intervals, breaking up the silence–much to the chagrin of the other two. Many nights passed this way, the three of them relaxing together in amicable silence. At the sound of rapidly approaching footfalls from the foyer, Laszlo opened his eyes and looked towards the door to the library disinterestedly. The door slammed open, and Nandor walked in briskly.

“My god, man, what’s the matter?” said Laszlo.

“What’s got your knickers in a tickle?” said Nadja. She grinned toothily at a camera, evidently pleased with her wordplay.

“I…happened to be in the foyer,” said Nandor shiftily, eyes flicking to a camera briefly, “and I realized that since Guillermo is–ah–no longer with us anymore, that there is now a space below the stairs, which I intend to use for my ‘calisthenicals.’ I wanted you all to be aware of this.”

Laszlo started and stood up, brandishing his pipe. “Like hell you will! I should have you recall that before Gizmo moved in, I happened to use that space to store my prrrrecious volumesehhh,” he said, enunciating the words.

“I should think not,” Nandor retaliated, “since I distinctly remember calling ‘dibs’ on that space upon moving in and signing our vampire roommate agreement.”

“Well I didn’t know you COULD th—”

Behind them, Colin Robinson’s eyes widened and glowed greedily.

“I know who would remember!” Nadja interjected suddenly. Nandor and Laszlo turned towards her expectantly. She snapped her fingers. “Jerry the Vampire.”

Recognition dawned on all of their faces.

“Jerry!” said Nandor.

“Stand up fellow, whatever happened to him?” remarked Laszlo.

“I don’t remember, but what a great guy,” Colin Robinson said.

They blissfully reminisced together for a few seconds. Their faces fell.

“Shit shit shit shit shit,” said Nandor urgently. He ran into the foyer and down the stairs, the rest of the vampires in tow.

•

The basement of the mansion hadn’t been cleaned in perhaps a hundred years, and that was a conservative estimate. Nandor had said he would eventually get around to it, which really meant that Guillermo would get around to it. In any case, it had never happened. Nadja coughed into her lacey glove, waving her hand in front of her face in an unsuccessful attempt to clear the dust from the air.

“What a grimy, stinky shithole,” she said.

“A shithole we forgot we left Jerry in!” said Nandor indignantly.

Laszlo addressed a camera. “Once in a while, a vampire will fall into a super slumber. It’s an extreme decision that a vampire can choose to undertake for a variety of reasons. Times are dogshit, for example. Though believe it or not, one of the top reasons vampires go into super slumber is loneliness. Eternal life can be quite shit if you don’t have someone by your side. That’s why I’m ever-grateful that I have my darling lady-wife Nadja by mine!” He chortled boisterously. 

Behind him, Nandor knocked something over, sending a plume of dust into the air and eliciting another chorus of coughing and hacking.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“Ah–but in any case, they awaken only when their fellow vampires wake them,” Laszlo finished.

“We were supposed to wake him up on New Year’s Eve, 1976,” said Nandor.

“We–um–forgot to wake Jerry up,” Nadja added. She laughed humorlessly. “Oopsie.”

“We had a lot going on,” said Colin Robinson. 

“In any case, does anyone remember where Jerry’s coffin is?” Nadja said.

For a few minutes, the four vampires sifted through the debris and mildewy wreckage of forgotten furniture and clothing. 

“I believe I’ve found it!” Laszlo exclaimed triumphantly. “Nandor, help me pry this lid off.”

As the lid came crashing off, they recoiled from the stench within. Nadja gagged. 

“Yikes,” said Colin Robinson.

“Jerry seems to have broken into six or seven pieces of old wet meat,” grimaced Nandor.

“What have we done!” Nadja wailed. 

Laszlo regarded the coffin with a furrowed brow before shaking his head.

“This isn’t Jerry,” he said. “It’s leftover body parts from a project I abandoned years ago. Couldn’t be fucked. That’s all.”

Nandor and Nadja exhaled in relief.

Laszlo retrieved his pipe from his coatpocket, where he had–apparently–been storing it, still lit. He regarded the coffin pensively. “Would that I could create life...reanimate dead tissue. Whomever unlocks that mystery would be a god amongst men.”

“Like Frankenstein,” said Colin Robinson.

“Who the fuck is that?” retorted Laszlo.

“Victor Frankenstein?”

“Never heard of the man.”

“Riiight,” said Colin Robinson.

Nadja walked over to another grimey box and tried to pull the lid off, face scrunched up with exertion. She huffed irately.

“Laszlo, shut the fuck up for a second and help me with this,” she said.

As the lid crashed down with a bang, the vampires looked on in anticipation. A round-faced, jovial-looking vampire slowly arose from the coffin. Standing, he yawned sleepily, stretched, and opened his eyes. 

“Hey guys. Happy New Year 1976 amirite? Nadja, beautiful as ever,” he said.

Nadja preened, pleased. 

“Dr. Cravensworth, I presume?”

Laszlo curtsied. “You presume correctly.”

Jerry smiled.

“Heyyya Jer-bear,” Colin Robinson said, attempting a close approximation of a smile.

Jerry stopped smiling. “Hi.” 

Colin Robinson’s sorta-smile fizzled. 

Nandor smiled fangily. “Good to see you Jerry.” 

“And you, great warrior,” said Jerry, bowing slightly. “So, how’d conquering the New World go?”

•

In the library, Jerry held his face in his hands in agony. “So let me get this straight. Not only have we not conquered anything, but you let me sleep for 50 years.”

“Yeppers,” said Colin Robinson.

“Instead of 20.”

Nandor shifted. “Well, we did conquer part of Ashley Street and–”

“And there’s a camera crew here just. Recording us. And our dark vampiric deeds.”

“Well, yes,” Nandor said, “but they’re cool.”

“Uh-huh,” Jerry said flatly, unconvinced.

While Colin attempted to catch Jerry up on the last 50 years of current events via We Didn’t Start the Fire, to Jerry’s exasperation, Nandor mulled on Jerry’s words. It had been a while since he had thought about conquering the new world, and the idea that he–the greatest warrior in Al Quolnadar, and most certainly the world–had forsaken this conquest, didn’t sit right with him. He had changed. What’s happened to me? he thought miserably. What do I have to show for any of this?

“Actually, Jerry has a point,” Nadja said suddenly. “Why did we let the documentary crew film us?”

“We are exalted, powerful, beautiful immortal beings,” said Laszlo. “Who wouldn’t want to know more about our lives?”

“Of course, but why in the first place did we allow it?” She thought for a moment. “You know who would remember? Guillermo. We must speak to him.”

Nandor shook his head. His eyes flickered. “No, I forbid it. He…has his own life now.” He stood from the chaise and walked out.

Nadja stood and followed him out. Hurrying to catch up with him, she caught him by the arm. He turned, blinking rapidly. She appraised him in an uncharacteristically tender way.

“Nandor…” she said softly, “you know that it’s okay to admit that you miss him a little.”

“I admit nothing!” he thundered. “I found him this new home. It was the least I could do for him. He wanted his independence. He wanted a new life. A new job. A new…master. Away from…us.” He jerked his arm away.

Nadja narrowed her eyes and her posture stiffened. “Just because you do not wish to see him does not mean I cannot see him. Take me to Guillermo, Nandor.”

The last few years of Guillermo’s life hadn’t really belonged to him. He closed his eyes, and savored having a space to himself for the first time in…years? Decades? He felt older than he had in a long time. He wondered if this was what it felt like to be a vampire, feeling years slip by in what seems like minutes. He was exhausted. The space under the stairs hadn’t really been his, after all. It was a place he was allowed to be, allowed to exist in, in return for his service. His life, really. And what did he have to show for it? Failed friends, failed loves. He had nothing.

When he had first started looking for a place to live, he had found very quickly that not getting paid for the last 13 years of his life had left his options slim. Nandor had helped him, then. Laszlo has wanted to put him in his old jack-off garden shed, and then decided against it because firstly, it would have been too much work to move the jack-off equipment, and secondly, Nandor had reminded him that Guillermo would freeze and have to piss in a bucket if he was left in a shed outside. So they had settled on the room in the basement on the opposite side of the hall from Colin Robinson for the small sum of $350 a month. He had nothing, but this space was his. He had saved up for fairy lights, a poster, and a nice mattress. He had a lavender candle. A small rug. It was nothing, but it was his nothing. He just wished he could stop thinking about–

“NANDOR. If you keep stepping on my dress I will beat the absolute living shit out of you.”

Guillermo opened his eyes and sighed. The relaxation had been nice while it lasted. As Nadja’s heels clicked down the concrete steps of the basement he shared with Colin Robinson, he threw off his duvet and stretched, sitting up and grabbing his glasses off the milkcrate he was “upcycling” as a nightstand. As he did, he heard a loud rapping knock on the door.

“Guillermo would you please open the door please, before I lose my complete fucking shit?” Nadja asked sharply, voice muffled by the door.

Guillermo obliged and yawned, wiping sleep out of his eyes.

“Hey guys,” he said, voice low and raspy. He looked briefly at the cameras, then at Nandor, then at Nadja. Nandor’s gaze lingered on him. Guillermo thought he saw…no. He was done with that. “What’s going on?”

“Wait, so who’s Jerry?” Guillermo asked.

Nandor scoffed from the bed. “You wanted to be away from us, so now you miss things. This is how it is now. You wanted this instead of–” he stopped abruptly.

Guillermo looked at him sharply, but Nandor was avoiding his eyes, instead tracing the glitter portrait hung in the middle of the wall that, years ago, he had made as an anniversary gift for Guillermo.

Nadja offered a quick explanation in Nandor’s stead, and Guillermo nodded, satisfied.

“To your question, Nadja. You…I don’t know. You guys let them start filming because you wanted to show people how cool you guys were,” Guillermo started.

Nadja started to stand from the stool in the corner of the room, apparently satisfied with this explanation.

“But,” Guillermo continued, “you also wanted to see how you all would change. Like…revisiting the past you. Laszlo and you had mentioned wanting a kid or something? Or well, Laszlo had mentioned creating something. I assumed he meant sex. Nandor wanted to get married. You wanted power and admiration. Colin Robinson…I actually don’t know what his goals were. And obviously, you expected that you’d have dominion over the New World by this point.”

Nadja plopped back on the stool, quiet. She got up again just as suddenly.

“Thank you Guillermo for that very long, very useless, dogshit explanation. I am going to leave now.”

Guillermo scoffed and raised an eyebrow, looking at a camera. “Okay, sure. No problem.”

•

As the cameraman followed Nadja up the stairs, Nandor lingered for a moment. Guillermo looked at him. Nandor’s thumb traced Guillermo’s duvet almost imperceptibly, but Guillermo had learned a long time ago how to pick up on things most people didn’t notice. That’s how he had found them after all.

Nandor stood up and inhaled sharply.

“The job is good? Panera bread?” he asked, all business. Guillermo could do the same.

He nodded and smiled tightly. “Absolutely. It’s great.”

“Your new master–eh–boss? He treats you…well?”

“Better than I could have ever imagined,” Guillermo raised his gaze to Nandor’s. Nandor stepped back slightly, eyes glinting flintily.

“Looking back on it, I guess you got what you wanted, didn’t you? You got married. To Marwa,” Guillermo said quietly. Because he knew it would hurt. Because there were no cameras.

Nandor breathed softly, shakily. “And so did you,” he said coldly. Because he knew it would hurt. Because there were no cameras.

•

Nandor paced the foyer. Guillermo was a fucker but he was right. He had wanted to get married. And he had gotten married. And it had failed. And he was still unsatisfied. His familiar had humiliated him, hurt him, betrayed him, and here he was playing landlord with him and pretending things hadn’t changed after the Derek fiasco. Jerry was right. He was a warrior, he was Nandor the fucking Relentless, and he did not relent when he wanted something. 

He needed a win. 

He wanted that space under the stairs.

•

Laszlo sat quietly in the library, lost in thought. Nadja had informed the rest of the vampires about what Guillermo had told her and Nandor. Creating something, yes. He had been pulling his own dick the last 50 years and hadn’t the slightest god-defying achievement to show for it. He would make something beautiful, something that defied comprehension. This time, he would finally make his creation. And this time, it would be perfect.

•

Nadja wanted…more. She had achieved power and respect. She had sat on the Vampiric Council, albeit in a shitting pencil-pushing role. So, when that got boring, she made her nightclub. She was a doer! She had achieved what she wanted in the vampiric world. It was time for something new. Something novel. Something so disgusting and absolutely different from what she’d already done that it could only be called human. 

•

Colin Robinson walked gingerly to his room. All of the negative feelings in the house would normally be a feast for an energy vampire. He hadn’t meant to feed this much, but the energy soaked in whether he liked it or not. Ordinarily, it would have been great. But this…this was too much of a good thing. His ass had gotten absolutely massive. From the side, it genuinely looked like someone had taken it in MS Paint and stretched it out. It had its perks of course—the Guide had certainly noticed, and their passionless, mind-blowing hookups had gone from happening 20 times to about 38 times a week. But there was the other issue. His pants didn’t fucking fit anymore.

•

Guillermo closed the door to the bathroom, toweling off his hair. Nadja’s doll had grabbed his glasses and run off with them somewhere, so he peeked into the sitting room where the vampires were sat in their evening activities. Except they weren’t doing anything. They were static. 

Guillermo furrowed his brow bemusedly. “What is going on with you guys?”

They didn’t acknowledge him.

He sighed. “Not my place or my job, but something is clearly wrong.”

“Maybe the fact that I have turned into a huge giant pussy?” Nandor muttered.

“That I am a complete scientific failure?” Laszlo said loftily.

“ I still feel as though I haven’t reconnected with my Antipaxian roots?” Nadja said.

“That my pants don't fit anymore?” said Colin Robinson.

“No,” said Guillermo, “I was going to say Jerry.”

The vampires looked at him in shock. 

“Like listen. He’s a great guy, right? He was a great friend?”

They murmured their assent.

“Such a great friend,” Colin Robinson said eagerly.

“I’m sure,” said Guillermo. “But sometimes old dynamics just don’t work anymore.” He avoided looking at Nandor. “I think you need to be honest with him and yourselves.”

“So you think we should chop off his head and let his corpse be picked at by birds in the backyard,” said Nadja, looking around the room for assent.

“Yes, douse him in holy water,” agreed Nandor.

“No.”

“Stake through the heart,” suggested Laszlo.

“You know there’s other ways to break off a relationship instead of going straight to murder, no?” said Guillermo.

“Such as?” inquired Laszlo.

Jerry walked in.

“Shiiiiit,” hissed Nandor, sinking into the sofa.

“Jerry!” said Guillermo smilingly.

“Jerry Jerry Jerryyyy,” Nadja half-sang nervously.

“Hey guys, what’s up?” Jerry said, eyes darting around the odd scene.

“Well, uh,” Guillermo started, “I just heard you’re the whole brains behind the New World conquering plan!”

Jerry smiled and rolled his eyes. “Guilty as charged!”

“Well then, you’re really gonna like what we have to show you.”

•

The Guide glanced at Jerry with confusion. “So is the plan for me to fuck him?” 

“I mean you can, but that’s not really why we brought him here,” said Guillermo.

“Well then, why did you bring him here? P.S., I probably will fuck him but more out of boredom than anything else.” She sighed. “Such is the plight of The Guide.” 

“I brought him here because he's everything you've been waiting your entire life for. He wants to take over the New World,” Guillermo said.

Her eyes traced Jerry with much more interest, considering him. “This cannot be true.”

“I swear it,” Guillermo promised.

The Guide smiled.

“Lieutenant,” Jerry started.

“Oh there’s really no need for such formalities,” The Guide protested, turning to face him.

Jerry stared at her intensely. “I think,” he said, taking her in, “that you’ll find I’m a stickler for  the chain of command.”

The Guide eyed him hungrily. “I think,” she purred, pulling him in by his lapels, “that I will like him very much.”

[loisroo]

i have yet to move on from wwdits season five trailer. colin robinson, nadja, sex, and the tickling has set my brain on fire

[abihasablog]

I wrote a WWDITS film fic! Here's the link!

[amazingmsme]

Living Up to the Name

AN: This really got away from me, but it’s nandermo, can you blame me? We have a serious drought of wwdits tickle fics & like, what fucking gives they made it canon that the vamps tickle each other (or at least Nandor & Lazlo) & no I will not find a gif I am useless like that This one dips a pinky toe into the spicy pool, so be warned. Literally nothing happens, but bondage is involved & that’s about it. But day 20: relentless just SCREAMED nandermo & I just had to do it justice.

Guillermo was used to the odd requests the vampires would ask of him, some a little too odd, so it was no surprise that he'd become desensitized to it. Strangely enough, it was their more mundane and tame requests that threw him for a loop.

He'd just finished vacuuming the drapes (yes they needed to be vacuumed) when Nandor walked in. "Guillermo," he said, announcing his presence and grabbing his attention.

"Hello master," he greeted with a smile, one Nandor shyly returned before growing serious once more. He was doing that thing where he wanted to say something, but wanted you to be the one to prompt the conversation, so he just lingered in the room until you cracked.

"Did you need something?" he asked when Nandor didn't continue on his own.

"I've just been thinking a lot."

"Oh? What about?"

"Me, obviously." Guillermo couldn't help the amused scoff that slipped out, nor the fondly annoyed look he gave the cameras. Nandor either didn't notice, or didn't care. "Mostly about who I used to be. How I used to be able to make entire countries bend to my will. My reputation as a heartless conqueror," despite the awful words, his voice grew soft with nostalgia. "People used to fear me Guillermo. Some loved me, most hated me. But they all feared me."

Guillermo set down the vacuum attachment and turned to face him. "And do you... miss?... that?" he asked hesitantly.

"Of course I do. What kind of a question is that?" Nandor shot a look of his own towards the camera, as if to say "is this guy for real?" He even went as far as to subtly point at his familiar. Well, as subtle as Nandor was capable of. He let out a heavy sigh. "My name used to mean something. Nandor the Relentless. Now I'm just... Nandor."

"Is that really such a bad thing?" Guillermo asked, brows furrowed. Nandor rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

"I guess not," he grumbled, lower lib jutting out in a pout and he kicked the leg of a nearby table. "But I've gone soft," he said dejectedly.

"No, no you're not soft. You're still just as ruthless as ever," Guillermo tried to comfort him, feeling incredibly awkward as he did so. But it seemed to work at least.

"You really think so?" he asked. Guillermo nodded. Nandor broke out into a wide grin, fangs on full display. "Heh, thanks. These hands used to make people scream," he reminisced, flexing his fingers. Guillermo couldn't help but stare at the movement and swallowed.

"Still do," he added before he thought better of it, eyes going wide. Nandor straightened his posture, watching Guillermo carefully. "I mean- Lazlo and Nadja get pretty loud," he quickly added as an excuse. Nandor smirked and stood up, walking over to Guillermo.

He tried to busy himself so he wouldn't have to look in Nandor's eyes. It still didn't help the flutter in his heart when Nandor towered in front of him.

"Oh Guillermo..." the tone in his voice made him snap his head up to look at him. He didn't know if the hungry look in his eyes frightened or excited him. "Did we make you feel left out?"

Guillermo fumbled for the right words. "N-no, no, I-I'm good. More than good," he stuttered.

"It's okay, no need to be embarrassed here."

"I'm not-" but Guillermo cut himself off, knowing better than to try arguing with Nandor of all people.

"It's only natural to be curious. You could've just asked to join, we totally would've let you," he flirted, making Guillermo blush. "You know, I've wanted to make you scream for mercy for quite some time." The boldness of the statement threw him off guard.

"Have you now?" he asked, voice higher pitched. Nandor must've thought it was out of fear, because he clarified.

"Oh I wouldn't be hurting you. I'd just tickle you until you begged me to stop. But I won't." Guillermo felt his cheeks heat up, his throat going dry. "It's not so bad. Just ask Lazlo.

Guillermo shook his head. "I don't- I don't need his input."

"Very well. Follow me." he gestured with a single finger for him to come along. Obediently, he followed.

He'd only ever been in their... playroom to clean it, and he certainly never thought he'd be brought back here. Never thought he'd be so willing to go either, but life is full of surprises. There were various tools and toys lining the walls and spread out on tables for display, and there were various bondage set ups to choose from.

"Go ahead, make yourself comfortable," Nandor insisted. It was a little hard when Guillermo could hear his pulse racing in his ears. He decided to play it safe, laying on the king sized bed against the wall. Nandor sat next to him, looking him up and down with a kind of excitement Guillermo didn't often see. The fact it was directed at him made butterflies flit about in his stomach.

"Good, now take off your shirt." When Guillermo only stared at him in shock, he clarified, "Trust me, it feels much better without clothes." Guillermo ducked his head and blushed.

"Okay yeah I got it," he rushed out. He took a deep breath and pulled the shirt over his head. "So I-I'm guessing you're gonna just- tie me up?" Nandor chuckled at that.

"No silly, I'm horrible at knots! We have cuffs for that!"

"Of course you do," he mumbled under his breath as Nandor retrieved them. When he came back, standing over the bed, he must've sensed the nervous energy coming off of him in waves.

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to," he said, surprisingly gentle as he rocked back and forth on his feet. Guillermo furrowed his brows.

"What? No, you wanted this. And I mean, come on," he said, his own voice casual and almost teasing. Nandor cocked his head like a curious puppy. "It's just tickling. How bad can it actually be?" he asked skeptically and almost immediately regretted it.

"Oh you'd be surprised, my dear Guillermo," he all but purred. His heart all but skipped a beat as he laid down on the bed, raising his arms for Nandor to cuff. He did the same his his ankles, testing them to make sure they're secure but not too tight.

His hands hovered over his bare torso for only a moment before diving for the hips. Guillermo shrieked and instantly started bucking. "I thought about starting off slow, but I think we're both too eager for that," he teased, drilling his thumbs over his hip dips.

"Ihihi'm nohohot! S-slow ihihis good!" he cried through his laughter. Nandor hummed, thinking it over before agreeing.

"You're right, we have all night. Why rush things?" he asked, feral grin overtaking his features. Guillermo giggled nervously, the sound growing stronger when Nandor's hands touched down on the tender underside of his arms. Fingertips dragged ever so lightly from his wrists to his armpits, and Guillermo never knew something he could just barely feel could be so torturous. His laugh was short and breath and he was already desperately tugging on his arms. Nandor looked down at him with such adoration, hands never faltering in their movements. Up and down, up and down his arms he went, leaving goosebumps in his wake. When he finally decided to quit playing with his food, he let his hands reach his underarms, drawing lazy circles and playing with the hair.

Guillermo snorted, nose scrunched adorably as his arms flexed and strained to come down. He was barely even touching him, and Guillermo was giggling like a little school girl.

"Wow Guillermo, have you been working out?" Nandor asked when he noticed the bulging biceps  on display. "You've been hiding all of this under shapeless sweaters," he lamented, reaching up to feel the muscle. Funny, he'd never known his fucking biceps were ticklish, until now that is. Nandor was just squeezing them, admiring the muscle and he was practically in stitches.

"I just lihihike sweheaters!" he yelped, arching his back. Nandor acted on impulse, having done this many times with both Nadja and Lazlo and was used to adapting to their bodily reactions. Which was why he shoved his face down onto his belly, growling and nibbling against soft skin as he shook his head, adding even more tickly vibrations to the cocktail of neurons firing in his brain.

Guillermo positively screamed with laughter, light and airy snickers turning to full on cackles in an instant. The combination of soft lips, sharp fangs, and that stupid motherfucking beard had him in an incomprehensible state. And honestly? He couldn't complain. Oh it was horrible, yes, but it was Nandor.

Speaking of, he was feeling rather proud right about now. He was unraveling Guillermo's sanity with each passing second, not only that, but he had agreed to this. The big, strong, vampire killing machine was nothing but a hysterical mess under his fingers, and it was perhaps the greatest power trip he'd felt in ages.

"Ohoho fuck oho shihihit thahahat's ahahawful!" he screeched, thrashing as much as his bonds would allow. Nandor didn't bother to raise his head up when answering, instead speaking directly into the skin and sending him into another round of quiet snickers and chuckles.

"Good, I'm not trying to be nice," he deadpanned, causing a shiver to crawl up Guillermo's spine. Nandor smirked against his stomach before grazing ever so slowly with his teeth. Guillermo swore and bucked violently, deep boisterous laughter bouncing off the walls. It tickled so much that he didn't even notice when Nandor's fangs accidentally pierced through the skin from all his squirming. He sure as hell noticed the tongue that started lapping at the puncture though.

"NAHAHANDOHOHOR NOHOHO! NOHOHO TONGUE OHOHO FUCK PLEHEHEASE!" he shrieked at the top of his lungs. Every part of him was screaming to get away, but those damn fuzzy cuffs prove effective.

To Nandor, the helpless plea might as well have been singing praise. He glanced up and managed to catch Guillermo's eye while he caught his breath, shooting him a devious wink. He shook his head, tugging on his arms.

"Nonono Nandor, whatever it is, don't-"

Nandor, of course, didn't listen, and instead, maintained eye contact as he drug his tongue across his tummy to wiggle straight into his bellybutton.

It's a good think Guillermo was laying down because he felt his legs give out, slowly losing their fight. He was full on cackling now, writhing from side to side and thrashing endlessly. Nandor flicked and swirled his tongue inside his naval, sending him spiraling closer to madness. Each thrust of his hips in an attempt to alleviate the sensation only made it grow worse as Guillermo snorted once more.

"I think you're even worse than Lazlo," Nandor mused aloud, making him blush even more.

"Shuhuhut thehe hehehell up!" he snapped, mirth masking any malice that might've been hidden in his words. Nandor gasped, forming his hands into claws and vibrating them on his exposed tummy.

"Guillermo, I am shocked! You ought to know better than to talk to your master that way," he threatened, a playfully dangerous edge to his voice. Guillermo's eyes widened.

"Ihihi'm sorry! Ihihi'm sohohorry!" he squealed when fingers began working themselves between each rib bone, bubbly snickers and snorts spilling from his mouth.

"I'm afraid sorry isn't good enough," Nandor said without an ounce of sympathy in his voice. He straddled his waist and loomed over him, anxious excitement filling him to the brim. He really hoped that Nandor didn't notice how much he was enjoying this. Which seemed unlikely, seeing as he was practically sitting in his lap.

The sound of buzzing snapped him from his thoughts as he looked at Nandor, who now held an electric toothbrush in each hand. Guillermo felt his heart sink and jump in his throat simultaneously.

They started out in his armpits, making him jolt with a loud peal of laughter. When they didn't move away, his laugh got faster and more shrill the longer the torment continued. Nandor drug the spinning brushes down his sides, relishing in every twitch, gasp and giggle. The toothbrushes made their journey back up, this time taking a detour across the expansive chest.

Guillermo's laugh got more frantic and hysterical as Nandor circled his nipples. He snorted, shaking his head and biting his lip to keep the laughter at bay. It was no use once he touched the brushes down on those sensitive buds. If Nandor thought he was thrashing before, it was nothing compared to this.

"Nahahandohohor plehehease! I ca- I cahahan't!" Guillermo begged through helpless laughter. Nandor cocked his head and hummed.

"Can't what?"

"Ihihi cahahan't tahake ihihihit," he whined, twisting side to side to try and dislodge those downright torturous spinning bristles.

"Aaawww, you poor thing," Nandor mock cooed, leaning down to whisper, "I don't care."

Nandor wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. After all, he had a relentless reputation to uphold.

[trashcora]

Hi Cora, who is your fave character from WWDITS? :)

Hi there!! Uhhhh im debating in my head but i think i have to go with Nandor! Specifically when Nandor says "Guillermo" it just tickles my ear in the right way.

[nadjasnandor]

i cannot stress this enough: she LITERALLY went to tickle his tummy

[cordeliavenable]

the look we get from Laszlo after Nadja talks about crawling around with/tickling Simon the Devious 💀