#wrote this thing long ago in my private messages

[childofsardior]

Random Dialogues pt.1

Ludwig: Yes. It will be done, fath- rrh, Your Highness. Bowser: ...Ludwig, were you about to call me "father"? Ludwig: -ER n-no my lord, I mean Master Bowser, Your Majesty, I was just- Bowser: OwO

[adviceformefromme]

Do you have any resources you would recommend regarding healing, & inner work? (Like YouTube, books etc)

Books that have changed my life:

Taming your inner child - Susan Anderson (this book taught me how to journal with my inner child which truly helps me to this day when I am feeling stuck or icky inside)

The Secret - Rhonda Byrne (full of positivity, so easy to read and helps shift my mindset from fear based thinking to expansive thinking based on love)

Return to Love - Marianne Williamson (this book truly changed my life, introduced me to the idea of God and surrender)

The Untethered Soul - Michael A Singer (introduced me to the ideas of spirituality and soul)

The Power of Now - Echartt Tolle (taught me about the tricks of the mind & power of meditation)

Youtube:

I grow a lot from listening to the interviews on Women of Impact - Lisa Bilyeu, I generally just search for what I'm healing on and each month there will be someone interesting I learn from which changes. But consistently I have loved the message of Sarah Jakes Roberts, her journey with overcoming shame and suffering has resonated with me a lot.

As I have been on my healing journey for over 10 years now, there are things that have been transformational and things that haven't...

Transformed my life!!

Forgiveness list. Learning about forgivness, forgiving those that hurt me, forgiving myself! I wrote a list of every single hurt in my life from as early as I could remember and went back and visualised myself giving me love in that moment and comforting the suffering version of myself to release the past. THIS HEALED. It cost me my time, and I did this over the course of a few months.

Spiritual Coach/ Mentor. Someone spiritual who can guide you, and direct you during your healing period is going to move you further along than you could ever imagine. This could be a spiritual mentor, someone from your community, or a specialised spiritual coach.

CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I got this free in the UK (don't believe the long wait list, that doesn't need to be your story). This truly allowed me to see how my past behaviours have been holding me hostage.

EFT - Emotional Freedom Tapping. I found a very affordable coach on Fivver, and started recently private sessions to clear out old wounds that are still showing up for me in relationships.

Building my relationship with God. I cannot tell you how this changed my life, not religion - but personal relationship with God. Listening to his direction on my life and taking steps has led me to so much peace and abundance.

Meditation. Learning to create peace in my mind. I started with 10 mins almost 10 years ago, I can now meditate for 1 hour.

Daily exercise, even if its 10 mins stretches. But presence is running - this CHANGED my life. Allowed energy to flow and renew my thinking even with as little as 10 mins on the treadmill.

Waste of my time:

Yoga retreats

Instagram Life coaches

New age spirituality - believing in the universe

Courses by femininity coaches

I hope this helps, please DM if you want more guidance!

[collapsedglasshouses]

HEAVEN KNOWS I AIN'T GETTING OVER YOU || Joakim Karlsson x fem!Reader

picture found on pinterest

PAIRING: ex-husband!Jolly x fem!reader

SUMMARY: When Jolly visits you unannounced on a Tuesday night, you have no idea what it leads to.

WARNINGS: SMUT [oral sex, female receiving; unprotected p in v], possessive!jolly, ANGST, jolly and reader have a daughter together (y/d/n), MDNI, 18+

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit @circle-with-me @jilliemiw86 @justeli6 (If you wanna be added to my taglist in general, leave a comment or message me privately!)

A/N: i wrote this in one sitting and i'm so proud of it that i can't hide it for one second longer. i hope you like it! also this isn't proofread, im very sorry ._.

MASTERLIST

[y/d/n = your daughter’s name]

You thought the hardest thing you had ever done in your entire life was the process of deciding to file for divorce from your ex-husband Jolly, but he had proven you wrong. It was that he had signed the papers without an argument or fight. He had just done it.

It had stung, how he came back from a long tour, saw the papers laying on the kitchen counter and just signed them. It hurt but you also knew it was for the best. That he didn’t fight with you was hard, but it also made it in some ironic way easier.

Since you had a daughter together, he came over only on the weekends when he was home from touring and normally, he’d only pick up your daughter and leave again; not really much conversation going on between you except the necessary small talk. He was a good father and human after all, and you were glad for that.

After some time, routine came back and somewhat everything began to feel normal again. You began to date again, and Jolly seemed to live his life to the fullest. You were happy for him.

That changed when your doorbell rang on a Tuesday evening. You were sitting on the couch watching TV when you heard the sound and for the first couple of seconds you thought about not opening the door. After all, it was almost 8 PM and you were kind of scared there would be someone trying to break in or hurt you, but when it rang again you became curious.

“Joakim?” You asked surprised when you saw him standing there.

“Is it true?” He just asked and looked you dead in the eye.

“What?” You answered him confused. He looked like he hadn’t slept properly since he brought back your daughter two days ago.

“On the weekend, y/d/n said you were seeing someone.” He asked, his tone careful, yet you could sense some sort of hurt in his voice.

“Do you maybe wanna come in before you confront me about stuff that hasn’t got anything to do with you?” You grumbled at him in a sarcastic tone, which he ignored while stepping into the place you once called home together.

He walked into the living room, followed by you. There he crossed his arms in front of your chest and looked at you, disappointed.

“What do you want to here, Joakim? I don’t remember that we agreed to be abstinent for the rest of our lives.” You snarled at him and mirrored is gesture.

“Don’t you think it still hurts that I hear that from our daughter instead of you?” He responded in the same tone.

“I don’t know why you suddenly seemed to care.” You grumbled. “Since you didn’t show any interest in me for… how long is it now? One and a half years?”

“You didn’t even let me explain myself and threw the divorce papers at me. How do you think I feel?” He angrily expressed.

“I don’t even need to tell you this, but there is no other guy. I went on two dates. TWO dates, Jolly.” You answered him while ignoring how his statement stung. You knew it had been egoistic of you, but the months before the divorce, he either wasn’t at home or when he was, he didn’t even look at you. You felt unimportant, unloved, neglected. And now he was throwing around these statements. You wished he had done it earlier. You wished he would have opened up to you. The fact that he only did it because he saw the potential danger of another person in your life, hurt you so much.

Jolly took a deep breath. “I feel like we never even talked about this whole separation.”

“You were the one who didn’t ask when I handed you the papers, Joakim.” You said, your tone a lot calmer than it had been before but you still were angry. You were glad that your daughter was having a sleepover at a friend's house that night, otherwise she would have already been downstairs.

When Jolly didn’t say anything for another solid minute, you sighed.

“Don’t you think it is a bit too late to talk now?” You mumbled defeated and ran a hand through your hair. “I hope you know that I didn’t do that to hurt you. We both know it would have ended way uglier if we dragged it out longer than it already had been.”

You saw how Jolly swallowed hard.

“You know I still love you?” He almost whispered and let his hands fall to his sides. When you looked at him like that, he almost looked broken… defeated. For the first time since what felt like ages, you felt like he let his guard down. Like he wasn’t trying to hide his feelings away.

“I know, Jolly.” You answered him. “And I also know that a part of me still loves you and always will, but we both know that this isn’t going to work. At least not like this.”

He slowly took a step towards you, carefully watching your reaction. When you didn’t look reluctant or took a step back, he reached for your hand and grabbed it.

“I am so sorry that all of this happened. I thought about everything that had happened. Long before the divorce. I know how cruel I was to leave you in the dark. To not talk to you when I needed nothing but your comfort. I thought that I would get through everything by myself.” He told you with honesty in his voice.

“You didn’t have to go through everything alone. That is what a marriage is for, Jolly. I would have been more than happy to help you. I still am if you need me.” You whispered out and looked into the eyes of the man you had and still loved so dearly, and you felt how your heart hurt.

“I always need you, y/n. I need you so bad.” Jolly responded and you saw how his eyes became glossy. Without even thinking you wrapped your arms around his torso and hugged him tightly. You felt how tears started to form in your eyes and it broke your heart when you heard him sniffle for a second.

When you leaned back to look at him, there was this foolish hope in your heart. The hope that you would be able to find back to each other. But your brain knew, even if you did eventually manage to do that, now was not the right time for it.

“Can I kiss you?” Jolly asked and you felt warmth form in your stomach. You knew you should have said no. You knew you should have been strong, but you still nodded.

Your lips met with a ferocity born from years of unspoken words and yearning. The taste of his mouth a bittersweet reminder of everything you had lost.

It felt like you kissed for an eternity and still, when you pulled away, it felt like it wasn’t long enough. You missed him. You missed everything about him, from his small jokes to the way it felt when you fell asleep next to him. He was what made this house a home.

“We shouldn’t.” You whispered against his lips, and he nodded. Before he could even think about letting you go, you pressed your lips against his for a second kiss. This one being much more eager than the previous one.

Slowly but surely, you stumbled towards the couch and soon you were laying under him, lips still connected as if life depended on it. His tongue slipped into your mouth, and you couldn’t help but sigh into the kiss.

It didn’t take long until his fingers curled into the waistband of your shorts and panties. For a second, he leaned back to look for consent in your eyes. When you eagerly nodded, he tugged them down your legs.

He kissed you deeply before lowering himself down your body. You shivered when you felt his breath against your core and not even a second later you felt his warm tongue sliding through your folds. He drew skillful circles around your clit. A wave of warmth washed over you as you moaned out his name and it felt so wrong and so right at the same time. You had missed him so much.

Your hand reached for his and he was quick to intertwine your fingers. Your nails pressed into the skin on his hand as your back arched in pleasure.

“Tell me you’re mine.” He pleaded as he raised his head for a second to look at you through his lashed and you felt like you could come on the spot.

“I’m yours, Joakim. I always will be.” You whimpered out and it was all he needed to hear as his head lowered again.

It didn’t take long for you to feel the waves of your orgasm washing over you, as you screamed out his name. Your vision blurred for a second as you came on his tongue. He kissed the inside of your thighs until you slowly came down from your high, before he came up to look at you again.

You grabbed his face and kissed him with such force, he feared to collapsed right on the spot. You could taste yourself on his tongue and the feeling of the fabric of his jeans against your naked cunt made you shiver in overstimulation.

In a swift motion, he turned you on your stomach and you heard how he unzipped his pants. The next thing you felt was hot kisses pressed to the back of your neck and you sighed in need. You needed to feel him, even if it was the last time.

“Do you have a condom?” He groaned into your ear.

“You don’t need one, Joakim. I’m clean and on the pill.” – “Got it.”

You clenched your fists into the fabric of the couch as you felt him enter you. A delicate burn formed inside of you as he stretched your walls. He was gentle but still you let out a small yelp as he bottomed out in one stroke. The small groan that escaped from Jolly’s lips, let you clench around him for a moment.

“God.” He moaned. “I wish I could stay inside of you forever.”

You moaned as a response.

“I’ll make you mine, even if it’s the last time.” He groaned as he slung an arm around your torso, making you slightly sit on him as he thrusted into you.

“I’ll be yours.” You whimpered and reached behind you to grab onto his hair. You moved in a rhythm as you felt the knot tighten in your stomach for a second time. One of Jolly’s hands travelled between your thighs and began to rub small circles on your wet clit.

“God, Jolly. I’m gonna come.” You almost screamed out.

“I’ve got you.” He breathed out as you felt the intense sensation of your second orgasm rolling over you. You felt how your body slowly lost strength, but you held yourself together for him.

You fell forward, leaning on your elbows as his hands grabbed your hips. Shortly after that you felt how he was twitching inside of you and he let out a loud groan as he finished inside of you, his cum filling you up until it began to drip. He grabbed the armrest of the couch in front of you to not let his weight drop on you as he mumbled out small love confessions.

For a couple of moments, neither of you dared to move. He peppered your shoulder with small kisses while you both tried to tame your breaths. Even though, you both didn’t want to, he eventually pulled out of you and got up, as you slowly laid down on your back.

After a minute or so he reappeared with a washcloth and gently cleaned you up, before helping you up from the couch and to the bathroom to go to the toilet.

After you finished and came back to the living room, he handed you your clothes and you both got fully dressed again, before looking at each other in awkward silence.

You knew what he was going to say, before he could even finish.

“Maybe, I should-…” – “Stay.”

He blinked a couple of times as his eyes lit up.

“Y/d/n isn’t coming back until tomorrow after school. You can stay.” You almost whispered and hoped he wouldn’t leave you in that state. “I want you to stay.”

“Okay.” He muttered and nodded slightly. “I will.”

As the two of you sat down on the couch, a wave of guilt washed over you. This was a forbidden taste of the past that only solidified the painful truth. You were bound by a love that could never be, at least not now…

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[euphoricfilter]

For the drabble game could you write fluff with youtuber bf jk ? I am not creative so I couldn’t think of a sentence sorry😭 but maybe he does one of those 24hr streams, I love your writing!

youtuber boyfriend! kook headcanons:

tags/ warnings: none. just a lot of fluff and feelings <3

notes: when i got sent this idea ages ago i got so excited. and i wrote three fics for it but hated them all and then made sure they were to never see the light of day. so my solution is to write some cute boyfriend headcanons instead to make up for it!! simply because i absolutely love this idea and i need to write anything for it to sate the need within me.

notes 2: this got slightly longer than i’d intended LMAO sorry 🕺

𓇻 i feel like jungkook’s channel has a plethora of videos, though he specializes in gaming.

𓇻 its probably one of his biggest passions. though i do see him dabbling in commentary, or even review type videos. maybe he’s a bit of a collector as well and goes on hour long rants about rare items or hauls of what he purchased over the years.

𓇻 i see the both of you probably meeting at one of those second-hand game and film stores.

𓇻 maybe you’re just milling around. more content to browse the movies than the games because you only own an old console (something cute like a nintendo DS) but they don’t really sell the game cards commercially anymore

𓇻 and jungkook loses track of why he was even there in the first place when he spots you. slowly scooting towards the corner you’re in.

𓇻 jungkook might not exactly believe in love at first sight, finds it a little hard to imagine loving someone so soon. but he definitely believes in destiny, even fate. and some small part of his mind had convinced him that surely this was just that.

𓇻 he’d be a bit shy about trying to approach you, mouth opening only for nothing to come out because what was he supposed to say? and maybe he accidentally startles you, offering to pay for the few dvds you had hugged to your chest as a lame sort of compensation

𓇻 he’d be the one to ask for your number, he’d be the first to text. you’d tell him later on it’s because you didn’t want to come off too head-strong. worried you’d scare him off messaging only hours after meeting. and then he’d tell you he had worried about the same thing

𓇻 jungkook wouldn’t straight out tell his audience he’d gotten into a relationship. it’s not that he was embarrassed about you, quite the opposite; he’d love to flaunt you to the world. it’s just he’d worry about the reaction from fans.

𓇻 he’d have a pretty hefty audience, a well established one even. and he wasn’t blind to the mean comments that would occasionally show up beneath videos or social media posts. he, himself, never found much issue in dealing with them, on occasion he’d get a little down but he knew that really he put himself up for this. he chose to show his face online, and with that would come some backlash. however, that didn’t mean he wasn’t worried about you or how shitty comments would effect your well being.

𓇻 definitely the “in a relationship but it’s private” sort of photos would slowly creep their way onto his IG posts. maybe of little date nights— candles on the table with a dinner you’d cooked together (2 glasses, 2 plates and 2 sets of cutlery), or your favorite cake he’d tried to bake himself with the lego flowers he’d spent the previous evening trying to make (because at least you could look at the lego ones forever and they wouldn’t die). or maybe even your hand snuck in a photo or simply your silhouette beneath a sunset.

𓇻 maybe a few of your own collectible items had made their way onto the shelf in his studio. an obvious beanbag in the corner (you’d often sit there and read as he went through emails or scripted videos). valentines cards that he’d never thought to take down, or posters of yours that never exactly fit in the bedroom

𓇻 it would become apparent that he was in a long-term relationship when he’d film a moving video. so much of your stuff mingled with his own, split seconds of the shared rooms he’d add to the video before showing his audience his new office space. the extra shoes and cute little additions to his home; soft cushions on the couch, ceramics you’d begged him to buy. your hoard of plushies that took up half the bed or the stupid amount of skin care products stacked up in the bathroom. all a sure way of telling his fans that he was serious about you, even if they had no idea of your name or face

𓇻 maybe with enough comments he’d make a little announcement at the end of a video.

𓇻 “i know you’ve all probably guessed by now, but i am in fact, in a relationship”

𓇻 and then proceeded to talk about you for 7 minutes because really he wanted everyone to know how much he loved you. and truthfully he never knew when to shut up when it came to you, not when you were what’s on his mind most of the time. he’d tell them how you’d met, and how he had been absolutely enamored by you almost instantly. he’d show everyone the matching bracelets you’d made. grinning as he showed off the receipt he’d kept in his wallet from your first date together at a small cafe in town, mentioning how he kept a baby photo of you in the back of his phone too.

𓇻 the first time you’d show up in a video, he’d plan for the both of you to do some crafts together one afternoon. a hobby you’d been trying over the last couple of weeks, and jungkook liked to indulge you. loved to watch you sprawled across the floor of an evening with glue coating your fingers and way too much glitter imbedded in the carpet.

𓇻 he’d have been worried at first. asking you over and over if it was truly okay for you to be on camera, and after your reassured him with a kiss, he’d settle down slightly. though his anxiety had still clung to him, eyes flitting your way throughout the afternoon

𓇻 he could tell how shy you’d been, and had reassured you that really you didn’t even need to address the audience. he’d do all the silly little things you giggled at him for. and all you had to do was sit there and be pretty for him. you’d been a lot quieter than usual; itching to give him a kiss each time he was just so awfully jungkook. eyes like those of galaxies when he got something right, or the happiest smile on his face when you asked him for help

𓇻 the day he did a 24 hour charity stream would be when his audience sees you the most. milling around the house, making sure your boyfriend was fed and watered. maybe even sitting down and reading the chat when he wanted to shower. or answering questions while perched on his lap. he’d want to smother you with even more love when you’d catch his eye— a silent question if you were doing okay, that you answered all the questions correct. and he’d squeeze your thigh in reassurance, head resting over your shoulder as he listened to your voice, humming to let you know he was still listening

𓇻 you’d startle him at 4am, a little pouty that you’d had to fall asleep alone. dragging a chair from the kitchen to sit on as you watch him play a game you’d never seen before.

𓇻 “go back to bed, baby” he’d coo, “you’ll fall asleep sitting up and get a bad back”

𓇻 and maybe after that he’s a lot more open to showing you on camera. filming you on beaches, eating cakes and ice creams from a million different restaurants or dancing around hotel rooms or sitting on the balcony with the sun warming your skin when he takes you on holiday. short films dedicated to you with your favorite songs playing in the background

𓇻 maybe he even makes a playlist on his youtube channel, titled “my love” for every video that he includes you in

𓇻 idk just very much in love boyfriend kook who wants the world to love you almost as much as he does (because in all honesty, no one would ever love you more than he does)

[deadbydangit]

Dead by Daylight: Adventures in Texting

I wrote this a while back because I thought it was funny. I hope someone enjoys it.

[The Entity] has started a group: Killers

The Entity: I’ve given you all a phone. We can all keep in contact with each other.

Nightmare: The Hell is this shit?!?

Legion (Frank): looks like a chat room old man

[Legion (Frank)] has changed their name to [Frankie]

Nightmare: Hold up.

[Nightmare] has changed their name to [Freddy]

Freddy: Better.

Trapper: No, we aren’t doing this again.

Nurse: Bloody Hell, again?

Ghostface: Again?

Wraith: We’ve done this before, a long time ago.

Legion (Susie): why did it stop???

[Legion (Susie)] has changed their name to [Sus]

[Ghostface] has changed their name to [BIGDENERGY]

[Trapper]: That answer your question?

Legion (Julie): oh FUCK yeah, this looks fun

[Legion (Julie)] has changed their name to [Jules]

Legion (Joey): wait so, if Danny wasn’t there when the first group chat started, who made it stop them?

[Legion (Joey)] changed their name to [Joey]

Wraith: Herman.

Nurse: He kept trying to experiment on us by sending private messages from other’s phones. He wanted to see us all fight.

Doctor: It worked, didn’t it?

[Doctor] changed their name to [Herman]

Pig: And you wonder why no one likes you

[Pig] has changed their name to [Amanda]

Herman: That’s not what you said last night.

BDENERGY: WHAT?!?!

Amanda: He’s lying.

Freddy: Is Herman a troll?

Frankie: you’re a troll lol

Cannibal: don’t want this…

Trapper: If we’re stuck doing this.

[Trapper] has changed their name to [Evan]

[Nurse] has changed their name to [Sally]

[Wraith] has changed their name to [Philip]

BIGDENERGY: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS! HA, POSERS!

Spirit: I already have a bad feeling about this.

[Spirit] has changed their name to [Rin]

Oni: Rin, what is this contraption?

Plague: Why is it beeping incessantly?

Deathslinger: And how can I make the damned thing stop?

Blight: This device is known as a phone. This instrument allows for communication of voice via electromagnetic radio waves from one end point, being a single beings phone, to another, the other individuals phone. Radio waves are used because they cause significantly less damaging to the body than gamma or X-rays.

[Trickster] has changed their name to [Ji-Woon]

Ji-Woon: Wow! Way to ruin phones freak.

Shape:…

Clown: Is he going to say anything?

Artist: It’s Michael. Probably not.

Pyramid Head: I cannn comuunnicate noww.

Sally: His hands are too big for the buttons. And he probably can’t see what he’s writing.

[Shape] has changed their name to [Michael]

Michael:…

Pyramid Head: Butt Iii can taallllk noow

Twins: Frère and I will be sharing this device. If anyone needs anything from Victor, you have to contact this.

Deathslinger: Is no one gonna tell me how ta’ turn this off?

Hag: You can’t Entity made it so you can’t. I already tried throwing it in the bog.

[Hag] has changed their name to [Lisa]

Lisa: Maybe it will work this time?

Philip: I want to say yes, but I know that isn’t the case.

Rin: Oh, I was messaged by the Entity. Sadako’s phone keeps shorting out, so we’re sharing.

Evan: That makes sense.

Nemesis: mmmyy hands aarree tooo biiigg toooo.

[Hillbilly] has changed their name to [Max]

Max: its back the fun thing is back

Huntress: what happens if the face of this thing gets cracked? i threw it at Dwight.

Sus: OMG you broke it already?!?

Max: why anna why break phone

Oni: What does this OMG mean?

Jules: oh my god

Plague: Do not take the name of the Gods in vain!

Joey: no, that’s what OMG means

Frankie: ugghh old people

[Cenobite] has changed their name to [Pinhead]

Pinhead: I opened the box and found this phone inside. Why and how can I rid myself of it?

Huntress: have i broken this thing?

Pinhead: No Anna, it will still function. You’ll just have a difficult time seeing it.

Joey: Wait, how do you know about phones?

Pinhead: I’m a God, I know all.

Dredge: Speaking of God. Hello everyone. 😉

BIGDENERGY: Did it just use an emoji?

Artist: It knows human language?

Clown: It has hands?

Dredge: No silly. I can type using my powers 😊

Sally: I guess Demogorgon can’t have a phone either. Seems he ate it.

Twins: Did the Entity think it wouldn’t?

The Entity: I do not think it would eat the phone, no.

Max: aww puppy sick?

BIGDENERGY: That isn’t a dog.

Pinhead: In your world maybe.

Sus: WTF do dogs look like in your world!!!

Oni: What does this WTF mean?

Evan: Oh my God.

Oni: Isn’t that OMG?

[i-believe-in-melinda-may]

Okay, i wrote this IronWidow scene, now i just need to figure out the story to follow it.

After everything that has happened over the last week Tony Stark knows that he should head to the Avengers Compound, but it’s because of everything that has happened that means he can’t bring himself to. Knowing that Rhodey is still at Columbia Medical Centre, and that Vision would be his only company Tony can’t bring himself to make the drive out there.

Still feeling incredibly sore after being beaten by two Super soldiers, his chest especially hurting, Tony slowly lowers himself into a chair at his desk at Avengers Tower. As he has purposely not been responding to messages since Siberia Tony isn’t surprised to find that he has a lot of messages, but what he is surprised about that he has a message on a line that is so private that he can count on one hand how many people have the number. Not being able to help his curiosity Tony presses play on the message and nothing could have prepared him for the voice he hears, even though she is one of the people he knew had the number.

“Hi, it’s me,” The voice of Natasha Romanoff says.  “I know you’re probably going to hang up without listening to this message, but I needed to leave it,” Natasha’s voice says, and just like she said he would Tony is about to hang up, but something he can’t explain keeps him from doing so and instead he just listens. “Tony, I haven’t called this number to ask something of you, I have no right to, I don’t deserve to. I’m calling because we’ve known each other a long time, know the parts of each other we tend to hide from everyone else, so I know that if what I’m about to do go the ways I suspect it might you’re going to blame yourself for not being there and I needed to say…. Tony, don’t you dare do that,” Natasha’s voice says, and Tony leans forward in his chair, almost like he is trying to get closer to Natasha. “I’ve made my choice, and you’re not responsible for it. I know you take on guilt for so many things you don’t have to, it’s why I didn’t recommend Tony Stark all those years ago… I knew that you’d take on the guilt of everything that went wrong and that would destroy you,” Natasha admits. “I… I should go,” Natasha says, and Tony still believes he knows Natasha well enough to know that wasn’t what she was about to say. “It turns out we can’t hide from the mistakes of our past, eventually we have to face them, you’ve already done that, now it’s my turn…. Look after yourself Tony,” Natasha says before hanging up.

As Natasha’s message ends Tony sits in shock for a few moments. With the exception of Rhodey Natasha was the Avenger he spent the most time with, and not just when she was undercover, so he though he knew her pretty well, which is why it hurt so much when she let Steve and Bucky go, but it’s also why he knows that that message was her saying goodbye, and despite all the anger, betrayal and hurt he is feeling that’s not something he can just sit back and listen to.

“Friday,” Tony says.

“Yes Boss,” FRIDAY’s voice says.

“Find me Natasha Romanoff,” Tony requests.  

[lokislittlesigyn]

This past weekend I had .. A truly lovely experience. One that will stick with me forever, I believe.

Story time.

About a month ago I got an unexpected message that Tom Hiddleston would be at NYCC. I'd never heard of NYCC before - though I live within driving distance of NYC. I visited last year to see a Broadway play and visit the Loki figure at Madame Tussauds. But more, in 2019, my parents surprised me with tickets to see Betrayal on Broadway.

When we went to the show, I hoped to give Tom a letter, thanking him for the impact his work has had on my life, and get some art autographed. After the show - which was breathtaking and fantastic and funny and heartbreaking - I stood outside in the bitter cold and watched as Tom stayed outside for 2 hours talking to and autographing things for his fans. I distinctly remember saying his name and him looking me right in the eye - I asked if he'd take my letter. His response? "Of course I will." those words also stuck with me. spoken surely, as though kindness was deserved without question.

I got an autograph from him that day on my Playbill - they didn't allow non-Betrayal works to be signed. But I wanted, very badly, to see him again. Namely for a hug ... And to get that art signed.

In the spring of 2020 I heard about a drivable convention Tom was slated to be at. Tickets to see him were hundreds of dollars, but I was willing to pay.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything was cancelled.

Fast forward to last month. My birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to ask for, I have a steady job and I'm trying to give myself permission to buy fun things so I actually feel something when I get a paycheck. ive legit been getting money and just feeling nothing when it goes into my account. :')

And I did it. I bought a pass. An autograph pass, since the photo passes only allowed a few seconds with the individual - I wanted to talk even for a moment, not stand awkwardly while I try to make myself give a natural smile.

I'll spare you the details of the convention itself - it was huge, and while it was exciting, that wasn't the main draw. Tom was. I finished an art piece and had it printed, and took it with me to give to him. I also wrote a message on the back of it, so there was no risk of the message being lost (I don't know if he actually got my first letter. There's really no way to tell!). That message is private, but the art is not.

It took over two hours to get through the line. As someone with joint and sensory issues, this was .. Quite an experience. if i hadnt had my compression socks on i honestly dont think i would have made it. also i really need to look into what ADA passes they have because there is an ADA line and i continuously tell myself im not disabled enough for that but maybe i am, idk

But I got through the line and went around the corner where they had a curtained-off area, and there he was.

My first thought? "Oh, you're real."

its always surprising to see him in person.

But as happened before, the nervousness and excitement and heart beating out of my chest gave way to a quiet calm.

He took the piece I brought to be signed, and signed it. And I spoke up.

"I made this for you, if that's okay." And I handed him the above artwork.

He took it. Looked at it. "You're very talented."

I thanked him.

And he looked at me again.

Now, it's relevant to mention I am autistic. Eye contact is extremely difficult for me. It feels unsafe, exposed, scary. I can literally get physically unsettled if I look at someone's eyes too long. This man is the only person - not even my mother and father feel safe to look in the eye - that I can not just stand to look in the eye, but actually feel ... peaceful. i think it's because he has lokis eyes.

"Thank you. Have a good rest of your weekend."

He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I thanked him again.

It's a small interaction. It was in the last event on the last day of the con - this man was probably exhausted, and rightly so. I also want to be clear, I don't have any sort of parasocial feelings toward Tom, or even romantic/etc. feelings. Tom is his own person, with his own life and experiences, and I don't feel anything toward him other than a general fondness and gratitude. More importantly, he is married, a husband and a father, and that is so important to remember.

I'm simply grateful to him. Out of hundreds, possibly thousands of people over the weekend, he took a bit of time to look at the art, and say something kind, and to look at me and smile.

Photos weren't allowed in the area, or I would have wanted one. Likewise, there were tables between the attendees and him - I would've asked for a hug otherwise. But I don't regret the weekend, for all its ups and downs. I got to give Tom a present, and I know I'll see him again someday.

And maybe next time, I'll get that hug.

[seriouslysam8]

Hi Sam, I’m a huge fan of all your series and your writing. You inspired me to write, but sometimes when I compare my writing to other, mine for a lack of better word, sucks. I get so embarrassed that I often delete it or never look at it again. I would say I'm an okay writer but I know I have a lot to work on. I received an anon message a while ago telling me my story was horrible and a few other things so I stopped after that because... well I just felt ashamed. I turned off my asks after that. Do you have any advice? Do you ever feel like this? And how do you overcome it? How do you deal with the negative feedback?

This just breaks my heart.

I have felt like this a lot. When I first got back into the fandom, my stories were ripped to shreds. I was told my headcanons were all wrong and was told who I should read because they had better headcanons than me and I could learn a thing or two. I was told my AUs were stupid and that put me off to writing AUs for the longest time. I felt like I was boxed in and creativity wasn’t appreciated. I have gotten a lot of negative feedback to the point where I almost quit writing for the fandom multiple times. I have deleted some stories and abandoned some stories from when I first started writing.

Here’s the thing, people are mean. People are cruel. For some reason, people think that since nobody can see their face and they can go on anonymous, it’s acceptable to be rude and blunt and just a plain mean asshole. They say things they’d never say to someone’s face because they’re a coward and hide behind a keyboard.

I know how hard it is to drown out those awful people. I fret and worry still when I write that I’ll get hate for something. I’ve taken to blocking certain tumblrs, ignoring some asks, and separating myself from toxic spaces within the fandom. I’ve just deleted negative reviews and tried to put them out of my mind, because what else can I do?

This is why I always ask people to review if they like a story. Because if everyone who followed a story reviewed and said something nice, it drowns out the hate and the meanness. It’s easier to keep writing when you have people who are encouraging and nice. I’ll never understand how someone can read something they enjoy for free that takes days to write and edit and not even leave a review to encourage the writer to keep going. It’s not a lot to ask.

I don’t think you’re alone. I see so many authors abandon stories because nobody reviews or they only get negative reviews. I’ve done that as well. Then I see readers complaining that a story has been abandoned but I bet they never once left a gushing review. A little bit of kindness goes a long way. Unfortunately, not many people want to be kind.

I have a small group of readers who review everything I write. I love them. I write for them. I’ve become friends with a few of them. I am so grateful and I keep writing for them and only them. I had someone private message me the other day asking if I took requests and I said no because that person has never once left me a review. I thought, why would I take a request to write a story they want if they never once have shown me any love? So I write for my besties who always review and I focus on the love and appreciation they have shown me story after story after story.

The best advice I can give you is don’t stop. You’re just starting out writing. Do you want me to send you my first story I wrote back in the fandom?? I deleted it because it was so terrible. But you’ll never get better if you don’t keep writing. You kind of just figure things out as you go. You’ll only get better and better if you soldier on. You will get those cheerleaders who love your stories and make it all worth it.

I am always open to talking. Just send me a private message on tumblr or discord and I am more than happy to encourage you and help you as much as I can. I think we all need to support one another and show some love to creators.

[merge-conflict]

🔫 FREEZE this is a STICKUP

gimme 5 great lines that you wrote (whether you’ve posted them or not) and 5 great lines someone else wrote (whether published or fanfic) and nobody gets hurt!!

🙌

‼️okay!! I am complying!! :3 Going to start with great lines someone else wrote, and I've used published authors because it is so much easier to just open up my kindle bookmarks on some recent books and pick out lines from some of my favorite books:

"The problem with sending messages was that people responded to them, which meant one had to write more messages in reply." - (Arkady Martine, A Memory Called Empire, Chapter 6)

"I said 'I need to check the perimeter,' and managed to turn and leave the crew area in a totally normal way and not like I was fleeing from a bunch of giant hostiles." - (Martha Wells, All Systems Red, Chapter 2)

"Emil could seem astonishingly harmless, but he did not look harmless at that moment." - (Laurie Marks, Fire Logic, Chapter 16)

"I mean, if I were thirty years younger– if I were twenty-five years younger– if I were eighteen years younger – God, if I were just ten years younger– if I were a year and a day younger– If I were a month younger– if you'd asked me just five minutes ago, four and a half even, if I'd just picked up on the first ring instead of the third, I'd transition." - (Daniel Lavery, Something That May Shock and Discredit You, Interlude XVI: Did You Know That Athena Used to Be a Tomboy?)

"I already pictured this sweet and mediocre girl saying something uninteresting like Oh, nooooo, oh my God, and I already knew part of me would be looking at her and thinking: You've never murdered for me." - (Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl, Nick Dunne: The Night of the Return)

and now some of the lines i've written that i like >.<

"Privately, V thought he might sound less bitter if he ate something, but the sudden influx of calories had imparted her with the newfound sense of patience and wisdom not to mention this out loud." – (the damn things overlap, syn,syn-ack,ack)

"There are springs digging into his ribs, and the wheezing air conditioner feels more like the fan in an oven, but Kerry falls asleep almost as his head hits the pillow and wakes to the bright gleam of the moon through the curtains and the sound of quiet conversation." (fleeting fits of reason, as long as we stay in this bed)

"She doesn't want to be this way, but she is." (thread-safe, four of swords: iamundernodisguise)

"No V, no Hand, just him." (the damn things overlap, old devils)

"His body staggers to the window as he drifts somewhere behind, lost, bewildered by the strange feeling his corpse has a mind of its own." - (let me die on stage singing the last song I know)

[hlsecrets]

Real bullies in the fandom.

I saw this drama going on then I joined modding for Hogwarts Legacy. Apparently we have self-called "royality" that think they only can make mods and share them publicaly or just keep them for theirselves (gatekeeping).

I feel bad for everyone that caught their attention, with doing mods they also did before - but never shared.

I looked into the topic, one of them (everyone knows her name now) started drama with writting 20 pages with tons of screenshoots with private messages that preally proved nothing (maybe only mental problems of author). It's unreal that someone spend so much time and effort, to make such ugly bucket of slop about someone, and that they feel proud after doing it.

I'm one of creator in the HL fandom (I'll stay anonymous in this post), and this seriously is discouraging to keep sharing stuff, because we don't know the time the self-called "royality" will be interested in something we just did.

It's disturbing those people want others to feel threatened, you can't even react or you'll get hate as well.

I talked to many people before writting it, and saw the "file", that was disturbing and true harrasement, directed into one of HL creators.

Here is the story that started back in May, if you want to read:

(declaration: I got those discord dm screencaps from person A, when I asked her what happened, 2 moths ago; other screencaps were taken by me and other people)

Person A asked about getting paid commission from tiktok creator (Person B). Send her message, and waited 2-3 weeks to get the answer - people who got this mod before, didn't agree to share this mod with any others.

In the meantime person A looked into the mechanics themselves, and asked few people from modding discord, if they could help her with creating the mod- (she was asked by person B to take down the message, on modding discord), even before she got no answer (to mod request).

For me it feels like one big lie, that they put one to keep gatekeping in the fandom.

Anyway as you can see it was back in May. Then person A got no answer and looks like were still on the hunt of learning how to do this mod. As we know now it was other well known modder who helped her at the end. If I'm right she made video with it, and then more drama started.

She blocked some tiktok creator from said group, when I asked her she said that was not comfortable with them. After what happened I feel like she was right to block them. But after she blocked them there was this post shared all of her social acc's.

I don't know what is with those people and taking screenshoots of everything and everyone, freaks me out .... I looked into screenshoots she posted: and they had be taken months before (January, and post was made in May).

Aparently when she blocked the Person B, she confronted her about blocking her on discord, and after long messages, acused her of writting to her from other acc on discord, asking other people to ask her stuff ??? and harrasing her over a mod. I was long in fandom but I saw no harrasement in messages person A send on her socials. Real harrasement happened from this tik tok group and her file on google, being so obsessed about their gatekeeping. ... I have no words on that.

I had to add, when people were commenting and asking what is happening, it was person B who wrote to completly random people (who commented on posts), telling them awfull things about person A, asking them to unfollow her and send link to her file. She also shared the link on all her socials.

If that is not harrarement I dont know what is.

After months thins cooled down and recently saw Person A posted mod on nexusmods. There again bullies came to start drama again.

Idk what is with this obsession about this mod from that group... since downloads if posted file are hight (lot of us wanted to have it and use it - thats the truth) ... also funny fact is that person B never shared mod for free, for community... and for me that says a lot.

My last comment on this: I dont get why those people are doing stuff like that. We all are in fandom to enjoy the game and modders work. I don't trust any of people who were reacting in that way and causing this drama. And the best thing for all of us is to stay away from them.

Be safe fellows!

[iheartgod175]

Correction Course: What to Expect in SRBA Reloaded!

It took me a long time to get this post about since life kicked me in the pants, but as promised, I am going to make a full post addressing the criticisms leveled at SRBA and what will be changed in the remastered edition, Super Readers’ Biggest Adventure Reloaded.

Since I’m not someone who can’t learn from her mistakes, I’ll start off with the valid criticisms to my story, Super Readers’ Biggest Adventure, which I have addressed with others who’ve read the story in some private messages (those who read this, you know who you are ^^)

1. The religious themes. I’m no less religious than I was when I first started, but going back I admit that the Christian themes were way, WAY overused here. I still laugh/cringe over the Jesus part myself, haha. I thought I was doing something cool there, but man. I really DID go overboard, and in all honesty, it wasn’t necessary. For those who pointed it out, I take full responsibility for it, and apologize for that. Later installments in the Gaiden series do not have this, though, with Darkness Rewrite being the only exception due to Prince Charming’s throwaway line. Reloaded does have a few metaphors/archetypes for several characters in the Bible (ie. Jeremiah is a blend of both David and Paul, while Chaos’ original character is supposed to mirror Saul before his fall from grace) and some parallels to Scripture, but I definitely won’t go crazy with that like I did in the original.

2. The worldbuilding/lore. For context, I wrote SRBA when I was in high school. So the quality of the writing is…much to be desired. I admit, I had trouble keeping track of the world building and lore for a while, and often when I was adding things into the Gaiden series, it was due to multiple, MULTIPLE rereads to make sure that I wasn’t retroactively retconning everything I wrote back then. As it was my first time working on detailing a large world, and since I made up a lot of things on the fly, a lot of things didn’t make sense back then. I’ve long since learned a lot about how to world build properly and am putting that into effect with the remaster, retconning and adding a few things—I wouldn’t call myself a master, but I’m not a beginner like I was before. While I don’t hate the lore that I created for it, there are things that could’ve been explained better. There are some things that could’ve been shown earlier in the story rather than in the throes of action. There are a few things that could be removed (not sure where I was going with the Summoning Pin element, honestly). There are some things that could’ve been added (shouldn’t the Fairytale World been taken over ages ago?). This is one of the main reasons I tapped this story to get a complete overhaul in the form of Reloaded, where I plan to change everything that was wrong with the original story. As for all the magical swords/Device ripoffs, they were supposed to be based off of Lyrical Nanoha’s Devices, but that wasn’t made clear. I also put in references to Pretty Cure/Sailor Moon in regard to both Muse and Princess Presto, since they’re like the magical girls of the team. I do apologize for that ^^;

Also, being a Black woman myself, there’s gonna be more representation for BIPOC/women. It was a weak point in the original story (as the only other OC whose family gets prominence, Muse, is of Irish/Scottish descent), but I’m gonna rectify that. I’ve decided to include Power Paige in Reloaded, as well as a few other characters, too. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in describing appearances back then, much less scenes, and I realized recently that in trying to create a good descriptor for one of my OCs, I ended up unintentionally offending someone. And at the time of writing the original story, I had no idea that Red was Jewish (for context, I wrote the story when the original Woofster episodes aired, and didn’t follow the series for a while until 2016, when the last few episodes were airing). So, yeah, going forward, we’re not having any stereotypes for BIPOC, period! I’m planning on revising the first chapter of Darkness Rewrite to get rid of that descriptor for Ethan, because, like you said, it was a weird longer way to say someone had darker skin. As someone who interacts with people of various cultures, and makes sure to include that in my own stories, I admit, I dropped the ball here. But I’m gonna fix that! Names were also a big thing that I struggled with. I’ll correct the names for the families of the Super Readers’ families (AKA. The ones who weren’t properly named in the series) soon.

3. Character Development, Part 1: The Super Readers. As much as I like the Super Readers, I didn’t really give them proper character development, with Wonder Red and Super Why being the most egregious. I’d say the character that I (mostly) nailed in the original was Alpha Pig, while the character who got the worst end of the stick was Wonder Red, who was kinda reduced to a hotheaded Tsundere (and I did kinda keep up that energy in the recent entry, which I’m gonna correct in the following chapters!). Whyatt wasn’t terrible, but he was pretty blasé in comparison to the others—he was just there to be the leader and that’s it. Rewatching the series has given me a better idea on where to go with accurately portraying the characters, and of course, that’s gonna be accurately represented in the remaster.

Oh, and while I’m on the topic, the other villagers will get better character portrayals too. Little Boy Blue was demonized pretty early on, to where even I felt bad for him rereading the story.

4. Character Development, Part 2: The OCs. I hyped Muse up a lot during the introductory chapters, but nowadays I really dislike her character. Her character was very much underutilized and underdeveloped. I had more fun writing about the Super Readers and the history about her country rather than her, since they were way more interesting. Her personality is gonna get a complete overhaul in the remastered version, and she and the Evil Reader/Jackson will definitely get better character development and arcs that flesh out their characters.

On the topic of the Evil Reader/Jackson and Lexicon, their “redemption arcs” were rushed and admittedly terrible. Well, Lexicon’s was slightly better than Jackson’s, but I agree that justice wasn’t served to the Super Readers or the victims they hurt in the story proper. They can basically be summed up as “my past sucked and it’s the defining characteristic of who I am, but I’m discarding as of today, please forget the people I’ve killed!” Which I agree is a pretty toxic way of achieving redemption, and I recognize and apologize for that. I did do this on purpose to have them go through a “trial by fire” where they learn that forgiveness for their actions isn’t immediately earned—quite a few characters in the Gaiden series (and even in Chaos’ Revenge) do not forgive or let Jackson or Lexicon off the hook, but that’s not implied in the first story. That’ll definitely be fixed moving forward, as seen below.

I’m also very unsatisfied with Jackson/The Evil Reader’s character. I intended for him to be straight evil and then defeated, until I decided that I’d do a redemption arc for him, and did one that was ripped straight off of an anime. Or, more specifically, a movie. I was originally going for an Anakin Skywalker kind of thing, and I realized that I pulled it off badly. I remember being quite proud of his backstory when I wrote it. Now, though? Ugh. I’m going to be redoing his entire story, plus his history with his two best friends as well, in the remastered version.

Jeremiah, naturally, isn’t gonna be a Gary Stu like he was in the original fic. He does have his own flaws, which are shown later on down the road, but honestly should’ve been shown before the Gaiden series. He also should’ve stepped in way earlier, especially when the Evil Reader’s true nature as Chaos was starting to be revealed (which ties into how the darker themes are gonna be handled). All of this are gonna be handled appropriately in the remastered version.

5. Way less shock value. Some scenes (such as the Pig’s brother slapping him “to his senses” scene) were added for shock value. I know now that this is NOT good writing, especially when it goes against the characters’ canon natures. Plus, having a shocking scene after a shocking scene can really, REALLY get annoying after a while.

6. The Whyatt/Red romance. While it was one of the “selling points” of the original story, it was cheesy. It’s one of the things that I didn’t like about the original because it felt rushed (I also wrote a romance fic alongside this way back when, so I don’t really have an excuse!). I’ve already made like seven pages of notes for their romance in the remastered version, where their friendship is showcased as well, and how it’s not just one-sided on Red’s end.

7. Last but not least, the mature themes. The original SRBA got pretty gritty at times—from more physical violence, to the villains possessing/enslaving the villagers, to the horrors of war, to characters outright dying/getting killed, to the implications of genocide. And then, there’s the reveal in the Gaiden verse that Chaos is a predator. A lot of the Super Readers’ reactions/trauma to the events that happened in the original were pretty understated, I can concur with that. There are two chapters and a few moments that do address their worry, terror and fear about losing everything they hold dear…and that’s it. If I’m being totally honest, those aren’t enough. To say nothing of the crap they learned about the Evil Reader in chapter 17. That’ll get rectified in the remaster as well.

Now, I’ll finish this by explaining that I do write darker subjects in my writings. Those things do include, among other things, rape, SA, objectification/sexualization, suicide, violence (of several forms) and—if my Western series Blazin’ Trails is to go by—animal abuse, racism and slavery. I’ll make this abundantly clear: I don’t have a sick fascination with these things, and I do not advocate for any of these horrible things in real life. Sometimes, when I read these stories, when I see things that are just so awful, it literally runs through my head for hours, I write. I write it out to vent about it, to get my feelings out on paper, to break down why it’s wrong/cruel and most importantly, what can be done to end it and the suffering in people’s lives.

It’s why, when I write these themes or villains who eagerly commit these crimes and laugh, I do it with the mindset that they are the lowest of the low. When I write villains like this, I write with the mindset that these are horrible beings who a.) need no backstory to justify their horrible actions and b.) need to be eradicated in the most fitting way possible.

And in all of the stories that feature one or any of these things, it’s made 1000% crystal clear that none of these things, nor the people doing them, are morally right, excusable or justified/vindicated by history. I also stand by the fact that rape/sexual assault is never the victim’s fault, it’s 100% on the perpetrator, regardless of the circumstances. I have one rule when writing about characters who commit such acts, or who supports such acts: if there’s a character who believes that such things are right, they are swiftly dealt with, often violently. In fact, a lot of times, there’s a visceral reaction to those things and the characters are trying to eradicate those things (as well as the people doing it) from the world they live in. I certainly don’t let my villains (the ones who commit the aforementioned terrorism/sexualizing/etc.) get away with such actions.

I did address that yes, Lexicon and Jackson got away with the aforementioned genocide due to BS writing back when I was in school. In Reloaded, though? The difference is night and day—Jack and Mr. Beanstalk straight up kick their faces in for what they did to them and the kids, Jeremiah is much harsher in his beatdown of both of them and does reduce both of them to husks of their former selves when he steps in. And the Super Readers don’t speak to them for much of the story, even after it’s revealed that Chaos is the true villain, ’cause their earlier actions are still fresh in their minds and as such they don’t trust them at all (and rightfully so).

As for Chaos, he gets dealt with in the appropriate manner befitting a predator by Jeremiah when they first fought (which is gonna be explained in Darkness Rewrite when I get to it). But just know that the mature themes of this story will be handled in the appropriate way/explained better than they were in the original.

I think that’s everything that’s gonna be changed. If I find anything else that needs to be changed, I’ll be updating this accordingly! ^^

Thanks to everyone who let me know what was up, as it really helped me to get all of this out.

~iheartgod175

[die-rosastrasse]

Sometimes, when we create we have to let go of the reception of what we have created.

I write fanfiction. 10-20 years ago, people would always review/comment. It was instant gratification. Lately, if I can ger one comment for a chapter of 10'00-2 000 words, I am grateful. People's behaviour with "free" or eas of access art has deteriorated. It's too much effort to show appreciation even if we feel it.

I focus on my joy of writing. Hoping that someone will be moved by my words but focusing on my own pleasure of wroting exactly what I want to read. If someone likes it : great. If not, well I'm enjoying my own writing.

I hope you find equal joy and satisfaction in the act of creation.

You create a lot of beauty and dreams... may you never stop.

Hi! First of all, thank you for reaching out. People never do, which is part of why I feel so resented by the world. Thank you for your kind words and a very well articulated message, which I absolutely agree with. I'm glad I'm not the only one who is noticing how beauty, photographs and creations have become quick, mass produced, single-use and lost in a sea of thousand new posts coming every second. I see that this is where the world is heading more and more, with AI "art", reposting stolen pictures or rewriting yourself to fit some aesthetic, and that makes me so scared for the future. And also, makes me even more motivated to spend more time on creating than on consuming, and being very peculiar about what I consume and how much. I understand your words about focusing on the joy and satisfaction of creating itself, it's the most important thing for me too, even it sounded like it's not. It's my favorite feeling right now: the need to create, paint, write, collage, take every single piece of myself and make something out of it with my hands. It's so beautiful and gratifying in itself and I'm at a point in my life when it's really all I want to do with my time. And I'm proud of my works anyway, I know I'm getting better for myself, I love the feeling of inspiration and I try to keep myself in this state as long as I can. The joy of making something is why I do what I do, nothing else is necessary and my private world is complete without approval of anyone else. But every once in a while, I remember that maybe if we put ourselves out there, someone will listen and sharing the beauty that we found or that we tried to make is the most normal, valid human emotion. And this, showing my precious pieces I made with adoration, and meeting not with hate, not love, but indifference, makes me want to throw up, go inside a hole and never go out. Why is that so hard? Why was I perfectly content with my work when it was just mine, but sharing it with others suddenly makes me hate it, no matter if it was well received or not? I will forever be creative because that's who I am in the depths of my soul and honestly I don't want to share my life with anybody now. But this feeling will always come again, the need to leave something after me, have some kind of legacy. Or simply inspire somebody and receive the same energy that I put in the world, or meet a single person who would give it some time, consciousness, curiosity. I don't know how to balance between hiding my world just for myself and the need to scream about it to everyone who would listen. I don't think there is a balance, just the terrible feeling of missing something on both sides. The inability to have it all is the reason for my crisis.

[a-forger-and-a-point-man]

On July 15th, 2023, hereby known as Tenshi Day during 007 Fest

Our fellow fan in Bond fandom, @tentacletenshi, passed away a few months ago. Thank you to @teamcivilian for making sure her legacy lives on. She made wonderful contributions to the fandom.

And while I would like to highlight that in this post, I’m here to first emphasize to you all what a considerate, kind person Tenshi was. THAT is what I remember. That’s how we should all wish to be remembered.

If you’ll permit me, here are a few screen grabs from some of our conversations, particularly in 2022 when I captained Team Civilian and had the honor of getting to know Tenshi well. We had long heart to hearts in private messages on Discord.

The redacted portions are out of respect.

This is the kind of sudden thing she’ll send me, and it’s like she just somehow knew I needed it, that I was struggling and I really needed it:

After that, whenever she sensed from afar that I was sad, she checked in. She always had something supportive and helpful to say.

Shortly thereafter, Tenshi opened up about being bullied on AO3. A troll was leaving nasty comments on her fics, and using different accounts. Reporting and blocking wasn’t being effective.

Tenshi was BOLD and CREATIVE and experimented with fanfic, which is exactly what it’s for. She wrote a brutal Bond and an evil Madeleine Swann and yeah, it’s a risk in this fandom but if we try to shut down this kind of expression we’ve shut down the essence of fandom itself.

These are the fics:

Trust is a Form of Love

and

How to Kill a Swann

So what did we do? Team Civilian and fellow Bond fans refused to let this go on, and we flooded her comment section with appreciation and love. Don’t ever fuckin’ mess with our friends.

Tenshi was so happy it brought a tear to my eye.

I wish I told her more what she meant to me.

I’ve now got tears streaming down my face.

God rest your soul my friend. I love you very much.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hey, i hope your doing okay. I’d like some advices on friendship. I know a girl, an ISTP whom i (ENFJ) met like almost 10 years ago. We were really close, she was my bestfriend and it lasted until some months, or even more like a year ? Until i felt she kinda replaced me with somebody else.

At first i thought i was just tripping, but tired of the constant overthinking i ended askip here if we were drifting apart, and she said no nothing changed on her side. So i was like okay, yet i didn’t feel completely relieved because i just had this impression that something was off. Like we didn’t talk as much as before, and she wasn’t calling me directly or privately her bestfriend anymore.

After a long, long, while of just bottling up my worries, after a day when i went to her home and we had a really good time, as she send me a message to thank me for the day and reaffirm how she considered me, i decided to tell her how i feel. I told her honestly that i was scared that she had replaced me with two of my friends but today, because i wasn’t over analyzing et overthinking i just realized it was all in my mind.

She then told me that she did not replaced me, but that there was no hierarchy between them and me we were just all on the same level but we had different relationships with her. And at the moment i was like okay i get it you right bestfriends aren’t that important etc etc ; but few days later i realized that it wasn’t the case at all. I felt bad. Really bad. Cause i never thought that would happen. It may be childish from me, i agree. I who always wished i could find a bestfriend, that one person with whom i could have that relationship, i just felt like all of our promises were merely words. I went through so much, so so much with that person, every ups and downs she was there, with me, and i was there, with her.

I’m not mad at her, cause she has every right to have the vision of friendship. And i can’t force her to change or so. But i’m hurt to see her saying things, doing things, that i thought were only between us. It’s like a cold shower everytime i witness it. And i try to reassure myself and to be okay with it but it’s so hard. Even though she told me she did not replaced me, that she saw me a little sister, that i had a special spot, no matter how hard i try i just can’t trust it. And i keep everything for me because i don’t even know what can I say.

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NFs are idealists at heart and it can take them to great places. However, idealism can become a problem when the gap between reality and expectation grows too large. It sounds like you have really high standards and expectations for this relationship, or perhaps for relationships in general. This can be a problem because it makes you too inflexible and perhaps too demanding of people. I wouldn't call you "childish" because such harsh self-criticism is unhelpful. I think it's more factual to say that your idea of relationships is too simple.

As a general rule, simple relationships tend to be superficial relationships. The deeper you want the relationship to be, the more complicated the relationship gets, because there are many more factors involved for it to be successful. It seems you are having difficulty accepting complexity and adapting to it. An important part of growing up is learning how to handle complexity, which should coincide with auxiliary development in ENFJs. You need to work on Ni development, otherwise, this problem of having unreasonable expectations due to oversimplified thinking is likely to become an unhealthy pattern in your relationships.

1) Refusing to accept facts is a big reason why people suffer needlessly in life. Gracious acceptance is the best way to handle the facts of life. Change is a fact of life. People change over time, which means relationships change over time. Some relationships ebb and flow in closeness over many years. Some relationships have a natural expiry date. Some relationships can be revived, while others can't. Some relationships are meant to stay superficial, while others can be made deeper with appropriate effort.

You are dwelling in the past, lost in what the relationship used to be or what you thought it was. What does this indicate about your expectations? You expect people to always be the same as they were or as you remember them. Is that a reasonable expectation? No, because you're denying the fact that change is inevitable in life.

You can acknowledge that change is sad, and it's healthy to grieve and mourn the loss of something lovely that has passed... but don't stubbornly keep insisting that something hasn't or shouldn't have changed when it already has, or else you will suffer. Once you can accept the facts of what the relationship is today, your expectations will be based in reality, and you'll be in a better position to adapt well to the change.

2) One factor that significantly affects the success or failure of relationships is compatibility. When two people approach the relationship with very different beliefs and values, they have to work a lot harder for the relationship to succeed. In this case, you two have very different ideas about friendship. Your concept of friendship looks like concentric circles; the more intimate the friend, the closer they are to the inner circle in the middle. Your friend's concept of friendship looks more like a straight line, where everybody is considered equal yet unique.

You're right to say that neither of you is wrong. It is merely a matter of preference, but the difference between you does decrease your compatibility. When this kind of conflict occurs in a relationship, you have a decision to make: Do you compromise or do you stand by your own preference? There is no right/wrong answer; there is only what you can live with in the end. The ideas/ideals/beliefs/values that you consider to be sacred shouldn't be compromised if it requires compromising your integrity, but some can and should be adjusted or changed when they're revealed to be unreasonable or unrealistic.

In this situation, you have to ask yourself whether you're willing to accept your friend's "straight line" idea of friendship. Yes or no? Either way, you're going to have to change and adapt. Can you accept being treated as equal to every other friend she has? If so, continue enjoying her company without worrying about anyone else, since the relationship between you two has no relation to the others. If you simply can't accept it, either because it's too painful or it goes against something you hold sacred, it's nobody's fault, but you'll have to reclassify her status in your circles of friendship and then change your expectations and behavior accordingly.

[ihaveastorminme]

Hi! This is going to be just a tad bit lengthy, so apologies in advance 😅

I haven’t been really reading fanfics for a few years now but wanted to go back to it because I’ve been missing GoT (despite all the grief it gave us) recently. So I looked at the few choice fanfics I’ve saved in my gallery years ago and saw that I saved yours first. I vividly remember liking yours the most, because of the plot, the court intrigue, the characterisation, the lines, dialogues, and the footnotes (and how far it was from the show lol). So I read it once again and what a delight it has been 😌

Anyway, once I reached the end of what I’ve downloaded, I went to check if you updated it — only to see that the work has been privated (is that even the correct term?). Basically, the whole point of me writing this message is that I wanted to tell you that I’ve been reading on AO3 for yeaaaaars but only now did I create an account and it’s because of your work. I didn’t even know there was like a waiting list system or whatever to create an account there! Haha

ANYWAY, for fear of rambling even longer, I just wanted to say thank you for all of your hard work. I’m shy to send this over at AO3 using my new account that I barely know how to use lol, so please accept my gratitude here instead 🤍

Thanks again and I hope you have a wonderful day 🤗

P.S. i absolutely loved the whole trial arc! I just finished reading chapter 25 and I was stressing the whole time they were interrogating her privately 😭

eeeeeeyyy thank you SO MUCH for this message! it was such a lovely thing to read, and i have read it so many times now T_T. Im so happy you enjoyed the story, its always an amazing [and just very soothing to me personally] thing to hear.

the last chapter was difficult to write because it had been a while since i had written anything. And i had to dive into this interrogation, then the consequences of it; i had a ton of material i wanted to read too, from joan of arc's trial, the history of treason laws and so on. AND i was dreading writing the scenes with Rhaegar and his family tbh. the dynamic of the targs has become more central the more i wrote into this story, and i have developed a weird fascination with them almost.

I'm kinda glad this chapter stressed you out a lil bit XD - I KNOW IT SOUNDS TERIBLE but its because it was meant to. i wanted to create a feeling of claustrophobia, that got more and more intense as the questions got more invasive and then outrageous, and then culminating with Thorne's warning/threat to Sansa, which was a scene i have been planning to write since almost the very inception of this story. like, the moment i started to write sansa's role as a 'speaker' of the northern gods, i knew that the confrontation with Thorne would have to happen at some point [not necessarily with Thorne]. and maybe because i was dreading it a bit, it took me a while to write it, because i've been anticipating it for so long.

i think this might be a reason why the ending is taking me so long too. Because there are many scenes i wrote out [like, the very bare bones of them] from the very beginning of the story. The function a bit like marker scenes and the rest of the story is almost built for them, to earn them. and they're all clustered now at the end. there's a bit of pressure i suppose. im just realizing this as i write and facepalming a bit. saying it - or rather writing it out here - does kinda ease the tension a bit actually.

UGH trust me i know the feeling of wanting to hide into AUs after the disappointment of the shows final season. they lost me early on, at around season 5, so my stories have lived in string-realities of GOT/ASOIAF since then.

I do apologize about the hassle of privating the work - there was this post going around a few months ago about an ai program that was using fic as content-harvesting or something like that. Please forgive the terrible - or inaccurate - explanation, i have no idea how to express it correctly. I understood it to mean that this program was using fanfiction for something or other. and it was suggested in the post to private the fics, to keep this from happening. so i did it, and i dont even know if it works to be honest with you. I hope you didnt have to wait long to have an account - and that you have found loads more fics to save and bookmark to make the hassle worth it, at least - as im sure you have, ao3 is a treasure trove in that way.

Thank you so much for messaging me. Thank you for reading. Please feel free to ramble about anything you want to, either here or on ao3 - I would love to chat, its great. Have the best day and a lovely weekend.

[superfluouskeys]

Author Interview

Thank you @thevikingwoman for the tag!!!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

100 💪😔

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

oh god. oh god. sdkjnfjknfknjf. 1,107,586

3. what fandoms do you write for?

tbh I really don't feel I write for specific fandoms, I move around as the wind takes me

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Songbird -- Sleeping Beauty (Maleficent/Aurora) || 39k words maleficent finds the princess before the curse takes effect.

The Prisoner -- Sleeping Beauty (Maleficent/Aurora) || 250k words Do Not Read The Prisoner.

New Disaster -- Portal (Chell/GLaDOS) || 9.8k words post-portal 2 chell-focused character journey.

Begin to Hope -- Sleeping Beauty || Maleficent/Aurora || 16k words more trauma processing thinly disguised as a coffee shop au.

total control -- Sleeping Beauty || Maleficent/Aurora || 5.7k words god this one makes me cringe but ppl still read it sometimes. modern au. smut i am too embarrassed to reread.

5. do you respond to comments?

Except for recently when I got way too behind for various reasons, I respond to all comments unless they're like rude or something LOL!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmmm I had to think about this for a bit LOL bc I think I tend to favor, like, melancholy but hopeful endings. I honestly wish I could write sadder endings--there's one fic in particular that just absolutely eviscerated me and I'd love to be able to replicate that. But I tend to get invested in longer fics and want to make the ending Worth It you know, so I think you have to pull off a particular flavor of tragedy for that to be the case.

Anyway, maybe stop-time? It's uhhhhh an Incredibles 2 Helen Parr/Evelyn Deavor fic LOL Not sure how I feel abt the ending in retrospect actually but I'd say it's the least positive.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

See above LOL, this is also hard because I think I always like there to be a little bit of a twinge in my endings! Like everything's okay but there's still a little lingering pain/uncertainty/etc. I honestly don't know on this one LOL, I think maybe The Prisoner has the happiest ending?? Because it was so long, I really wanted to resolve as many threads as possible. But now I'm ruining it with scorched earth LOL!

8. do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a few interesting messages over the years LOL, the real ones will remember.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I went on an Improvement Journey a couple of years ago and now I feel my smut writing is wayyyyy better--anything before that makes me cringe out of this mortal plane. I like writing character-focused and story-driven smut.

(battling my demons rn part of me wants to write malora smut just so the only malora smut i ever wrote isn't TERRIBLE AND CRINGE but also i do not want to write malora smut do you see my problem)

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

Full crossovers are tbh too much effort for me LOL--I will sometimes write, like, crossover-inspired things. The Chance You Take (DA2/Meredith/Hawke) is extremely Carol-coded, for example.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but I have had a couple of ideas just straight-up plagiarized from private conversations which made me pretty pissed LOL.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I used to be so awkward and just avoid answering when people asked me, but now I just refuse outright.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I'm like wayyyyyyy too much of a crazy control freak for that LOL!

14. what's your all-time favourite ship?

Ohhhhhh come on you can't ask me that LOL, it changes all the time.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

As I mentioned recently, most of my old WIPs are pretty much abandoned at this point. Never say never, but I just don't think I'll ever muster enough interest or enjoyment to make finishing them worthwhile for me.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Natural dialogue, slightly agonizing yearning, generally describing like, specific Emotional States TM.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Hmmmm I still think I'm working on my pacing in certain contexts, and on making stronger narrative choices/not pulling punches. I think my narrative can meander a little and I can repeat myself a bit if I don't edit enough. I also notice sometimes that because I love working within limited pov I don't always explain, like, the character's thought process well enough? So what she's thinking sometimes seems like a leap of logic looking at it from an outside perspective. But overall I think I'm a very strong writer.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

LOL I think just indicate that it's in another language unless it's like just a word or short phrase and you either explain what it means in-story or can guess from context. There are probably some very specific circumstances where you might want a small section of dialogue in another language to create a certain effect, but other than that I think it's a no.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

I mean we really don't have to unearth my whole fandom history here. Let's say it was a musical and leave it at that :)

20. favourite fic you've written?

Oh idk, I think I'll always have a soft spot for New Disaster, and more recently I really like everybody's fool (DA2, hawke/aveline) -- but it's hard to choose an absolute favorite!!!

TAG TIMEEEE: @thepapernautilus @yourlocaldisneyvillain @eemamminy-art @quinnthebard @delirious-comfort annnd i am once again so bad at thinking of fellow writers