#tom is the closest thing to loki that remains un-hugged by lokislittlesigyn

[lokislittlesigyn]

This past weekend I had .. A truly lovely experience. One that will stick with me forever, I believe.

Story time.

About a month ago I got an unexpected message that Tom Hiddleston would be at NYCC. I'd never heard of NYCC before - though I live within driving distance of NYC. I visited last year to see a Broadway play and visit the Loki figure at Madame Tussauds. But more, in 2019, my parents surprised me with tickets to see Betrayal on Broadway.

When we went to the show, I hoped to give Tom a letter, thanking him for the impact his work has had on my life, and get some art autographed. After the show - which was breathtaking and fantastic and funny and heartbreaking - I stood outside in the bitter cold and watched as Tom stayed outside for 2 hours talking to and autographing things for his fans. I distinctly remember saying his name and him looking me right in the eye - I asked if he'd take my letter. His response? "Of course I will." those words also stuck with me. spoken surely, as though kindness was deserved without question.

I got an autograph from him that day on my Playbill - they didn't allow non-Betrayal works to be signed. But I wanted, very badly, to see him again. Namely for a hug ... And to get that art signed.

In the spring of 2020 I heard about a drivable convention Tom was slated to be at. Tickets to see him were hundreds of dollars, but I was willing to pay.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything was cancelled.

Fast forward to last month. My birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to ask for, I have a steady job and I'm trying to give myself permission to buy fun things so I actually feel something when I get a paycheck. ive legit been getting money and just feeling nothing when it goes into my account. :')

And I did it. I bought a pass. An autograph pass, since the photo passes only allowed a few seconds with the individual - I wanted to talk even for a moment, not stand awkwardly while I try to make myself give a natural smile.

I'll spare you the details of the convention itself - it was huge, and while it was exciting, that wasn't the main draw. Tom was. I finished an art piece and had it printed, and took it with me to give to him. I also wrote a message on the back of it, so there was no risk of the message being lost (I don't know if he actually got my first letter. There's really no way to tell!). That message is private, but the art is not.

It took over two hours to get through the line. As someone with joint and sensory issues, this was .. Quite an experience. if i hadnt had my compression socks on i honestly dont think i would have made it. also i really need to look into what ADA passes they have because there is an ADA line and i continuously tell myself im not disabled enough for that but maybe i am, idk

But I got through the line and went around the corner where they had a curtained-off area, and there he was.

My first thought? "Oh, you're real."

its always surprising to see him in person.

But as happened before, the nervousness and excitement and heart beating out of my chest gave way to a quiet calm.

He took the piece I brought to be signed, and signed it. And I spoke up.

"I made this for you, if that's okay." And I handed him the above artwork.

He took it. Looked at it. "You're very talented."

I thanked him.

And he looked at me again.

Now, it's relevant to mention I am autistic. Eye contact is extremely difficult for me. It feels unsafe, exposed, scary. I can literally get physically unsettled if I look at someone's eyes too long. This man is the only person - not even my mother and father feel safe to look in the eye - that I can not just stand to look in the eye, but actually feel ... peaceful. i think it's because he has lokis eyes.

"Thank you. Have a good rest of your weekend."

He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I thanked him again.

It's a small interaction. It was in the last event on the last day of the con - this man was probably exhausted, and rightly so. I also want to be clear, I don't have any sort of parasocial feelings toward Tom, or even romantic/etc. feelings. Tom is his own person, with his own life and experiences, and I don't feel anything toward him other than a general fondness and gratitude. More importantly, he is married, a husband and a father, and that is so important to remember.

I'm simply grateful to him. Out of hundreds, possibly thousands of people over the weekend, he took a bit of time to look at the art, and say something kind, and to look at me and smile.

Photos weren't allowed in the area, or I would have wanted one. Likewise, there were tables between the attendees and him - I would've asked for a hug otherwise. But I don't regret the weekend, for all its ups and downs. I got to give Tom a present, and I know I'll see him again someday.

And maybe next time, I'll get that hug.