#wrote like a whole bunch in my notes app

[shadows-coffeebeans]

Week 1: Favorite Movie | @disneyfanatic1993

[holdinbacksecrets]

Hi! Can you please write BTS version of the voicemails they will send hinting their feelings? Thank you 😊

thank you for requesting 🖤

voicemails from bts, hinting feelings

namjoon: “i was in a bookstore the other day and started to imagine a book you wrote being on the shelves someday. everything you do, down to the indentation of your steps, leaves behind a story. do you remember your birthday two years ago? you drank one glass too many, and it’s like the fiction unleashed. i recorded a voice memo, but i never played it for you. i want to.”

jin: “are you scared? this morning you sounded really scared on the phone. i’m sorry i didn’t say more or say enough. i was caught off guard because you’ve never showed me scared before, not like that. i’ve seen your apprehension. i’ve seen your insecure. i’ve seen your anxiety, but this was consuming fear. i’m making dinner, and i feel like you probably haven’t eaten today… if your anxiety gives anything away about your scared. come over when you’re off. i’ll greet you with a hug and bowl of soup. or two bowls. i have cheese and bread too. the good bread. the loaf you turned me on to.”

yoongi: “you used the notes app on my phone to write out your grocery list, and i’m amused. it sounds like you’re having a conversation with yourself: right now, i want rice crispies, but i’ll probably change my mind once i’m in the cereal aisle. trust your gut, or get two boxes. you’re 26. no one is stopping you. oh! get some apple juice too. i keep having dreams about twelve year old me at a friend’s house. we’d sit at the kitchen island after school with graham crackers and apple juice, and i miss her. i miss those simple conversations. you’re so pure and magnetic. sometimes i wonder where you came from, but then i’m just glad you made it here—tumbled into my life because you did tumble. you’ve always made the story sound too elegant. the tumble was charming, i promise.”

hoseok: “you’ve been sharing recipes with me, or i guess i should say the final product of your recipes has been shared with me, repeatedly, and now i’m starting to wait for the knock on my door or the ring of a text. is that bad? i wouldn’t want you to ever think i’m demanding treats, but i love… i love the time we spend together when you bring them over, and your eyes sparkle when my expression changes because of how good everything always tastes… i love that too.”

jimin: “did you say everything you needed to yesterday? i swear your lips parted and you leaned in so many times to never say anything. i know it was a busy place, and it’s not that fun sitting at a table for twelve. but i was ready to listen. i’ll be ready at 2 am too. whatever you need. there’s something to this, right? to the ease of our conversations. you trust me?”

taehyung: “do you want to sculpt clay with me? i bought a whole bag and a bunch of tools. i thought about booking a private lesson, but i wanted my record player and access to a kitchen and the ability to get my hands dirty whenever i want to—need it. do you need it too? if not, keep me company while i try to make something?”

jungkook: “can i pick you up today? this is going to sound ridiculous, but your smell used to linger in my car, and i can��t quite make out the notes of your perfume anymore. i can imagine them, but they don’t meet me when i open the door… i can’t leave this as a voicemail on your phone. can i leave this as a voicemail on your phone? i sound insane.”

bonus: “i’m calling to tell you i’m proud of you. sometimes when we were kids, i used to think our dreams wouldn’t make it higher than the trees. i thought they’d get caught in the leaves, die on branches come winter, but look at us. look at you. you’re incredible. we did it.”

[leeny-leens]

using this blog as my personal notes app for my writing is so fun anyways heres more to the socmed AU so I don't forget Abt it later

it's a Barty X Reader story BCS he's my recent obsession and very obv it's a modern AU, no magic etc etc the whole works y'all

(yes this is a reader AU sue me I love writing self insert)

Reader - content creator ��️, makes diff kind of content but it's mainly art and video/photography centric, she studied film and cinema but then realized that uni and higher education ™️ in general wasn't her thing, tried a million diff majors until she finally dropped out and started free lancing and realized she quite likes this way of living

Barty - aka BCJR, singer who dropped out of law school like 2 years in and decided to pursue music instead BCS he figured it'll piss his dad off before he realized he actually loves making music

Remus - wrote a book called "Let the Moon speak Tonight" and has literally never done anything else writing wise since, doesn't plan on it either but the book got really popular and thus he's become known as this one guy ™️, he studied English lit and works in a bookshop

Peter - he studies sth with geography or zoology maybe?? or sth with plants?? anyways he's a plant dad ™️ and loves animals so he has a YT channel as well as social accs dedicated to his hobbies, it's surprisingly popular with a bunch of people and they always tend to say he has a soothing sense of humour and a nice voice (also he's constantly doing random ass side quests and people in his comment section will always be like wait isn't this the guy who did/attended/participated/hosted xyz and his friends are like Pete wtaf when did you do that???)

Mary - she runs a jewelry account and a lot of times you'll see her collaborating with a bunch of brands and fashion content creators to bring out THE best looks ever, surprisingly to literally everyone though fashion isn't her main interest or sth she studied it's just a hobby, everyone is always surprised when they find out she is a nursing student and somehow has time to still keep her page running though she often shrugs it off with the explanation that it's not a chore for her but a way to unwind

Lily - food blogger, she gets invited to a shit ton of events and has a knack for connecting with people, she wanted to be a teacher before she got totally burnt out in uni and decided to just try things out to see where life takes her

Marlene - I'm undecided on this but I think she studied business because of her family before realizing it wasn't really sth for her so she ended up switching to sth with dance! she now runs a successful dancing centric acc and you often see her and James in each other's videos

James - he's an athlete, I wanna say soccer? or maybe a swimmer??? but anyways he had a scholarship in college and is currently training to go for nationals and then hopefully the Olympics, he runs a v Basic but fun sports acc, some people would straight up say he's a sports influencer but he just likes sharing his journey and helping others understand their own bodies

Sirius - an actor who started out as a child actor, pushed into the industry by his family; it took a toll on his mental and physical health to an extreme extent until he ran away at 15 and retired from filming; made a comeback of his own when he was 19 and the people love him

Regulus - model, pushed into the industry by his family ever since he was young; it took a toll on his health until he managed to cut ties with them when he was in his early 20s (he's still in his early to mid 20s but shh)

Evan - originally he studied forensic science, then he switched to bio chem but got bored really quick and just started doing fuck not, he models with Reg occasionally or sings with Barty and rn he's just vibing trying to figure out what the fuck life is even about

Pandora - she studied psychology and is a really big mental health advocate, originally she wanted to be a therapist but now she's on track to become a social worker, she has 2 accounts that she runs one of them being mental health related and has a lot of advocacy and charity things while the other is more personal and focuses on her beliefs and her more or less witchy plant girl life style, her and Peter often make videos together

Dorcas - she studied polisci no I don't take any criticism on this <3 your girl wants to make changes because she saw how the world treated her single mother and she's having none of that, she's always posting and talking about social justice issues, feminism, advocacy and she's doing all of that in style while defying the expectations of what a 'serious' woman should look and act like

I'm thinking of combining socmed and written chapters for this AU, simply because I like the mix and think it'll be the most efficient to bring along the story!

There's gonna be a few plot points I want to cover

I have so many more thoughts and I'm so excited to share them with you guys <33

[lara-cairncross]

Also as a fellow mikey fan, can I just say how correct you are when you state that mikey is the most powerful turtle /gen

I need more fics abt him in general. Where are my angst fics and my mikey get abducted fics and my human aus where mikey suffers through the system and my raph mikey older younger angst and my pb and j duo and my leo mikey fics where mikey studies to be a support medical and my fics where mikey- *gets shot*

In summary, you are entirely correct to have mikeu as your favourite turtle, and do you per chance have any mikey centric fic recs. Of any genre and trope, no limits. Perhaps?

on my knees begging for more mikey fics oh my god i feel like the tags have been so dry lately 😭😭 like i mean its *partially* my fault because i am, in fact, also a fic writer who isn't updating any of their mikey-centric fics LMAO but im still gonna be sad about it on main!! my lil guy deserves more attention hes so cool :(((

tbh i feel like this year I traded in my motivation to write for my motivation to draw, cuz i've gotten a lot faster with art but wayyyyyyyy way way way slower with writing. kinda funny cuz it was the exact opposite in 2023 lmao, i wrote way more than and drew a lot less! why is my brain ridiculous like this ANYWAY i have so many mikey fic ideas and just zero ability to write them atm!!! but rest assured i have a bunch of my ideas bullet-pointed in my notes app for when i catch the writing bug again :] AND GOD YES I NEED A MIKEY ABDUCTED FIC SO BADLY-- i actually have one fic idea that has to deal with some big bad guy catching wind of the fact that mikey's mystic signature was caught LITERALLY OPENING UP TIME AND INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTALS, so he gets kidnapped for those abilities specifically (which, as we all know, can and will kill him owo)

anyway! I did a whole post on my tmnt fic recommendations before, so check it out if you're looking for those :DDD most of em are mikey-centric!!

[blue-slxt]

FWB

*Request: maybe some idea for u : feisty humain!reader having mood swings w her best friend (Loak or Neteyam) because she is in her ovulating week and he teases her until making her tell him why she is acting weird like that today. then he asks her to explain the "symptoms" and she says that she want to fuck more and that she’s more attracted to people during this time and he asks if it’s applied to him too & u already know the end of it🤭🤭 hope u can take something from it, xo 😘*

Okay, so this is my first human!reader fic so go easy on me 😅 I might redo this one in the future with Neteyam because I’m curious about how much different it would turn out if I wrote for him instead. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one 🤗 All characters are aged up.

🔞Minors Do Not Interact🔞

Smut under the cut.

Pandora was beautiful. Even though you had to admire its beauty through the shield of your mask, it still left you breathless every day. Looking out at the bioluminescent flora and fauna every night through your bedroom window was unlike anything you had ever seen on Earth. You wanted to be out in it every day. But today you were hit with a painful reminder that you were human.

You jumped out of your sleep drenched in sweat. What were you dreaming about? You couldn’t fully remember. The memory came in flashes and blurs. Moans, smacks, and heat is all you’re able to really make out before you lose the visual. You suck in a sharp breath feeling a dull ache in your breasts. You cautiously press on one trying to figure out what was causing the pain. You find nothing and brush it off as a consequence of sleeping on your stomach. When you make your way to your bathroom to get ready for the day, you strip off your sleep clothes and notice a giant wet spot on your panties. That’s weird. And then it hits you. You check your app on your phone and realize what week it is. You’re ovulating. You roll your eyes and make a mental note to plug in your toys before you leave your room.

After a shower and brushing your teeth, you go join everyone for breakfast. While you’re fixing your coffee, a familiar voice enters the lab. Everybody greets Lo’ak as he walks through the cafeteria over to you. “Hey, I found this awesome lake with a cliff that’s perfect for diving. We’ve gotta check it out!” he’s oozing enthusiasm and excitement and it’s adorable. All of a sudden, it feels like there’s a throbbing between your legs.

“Sounds cool, Lo’ak. Maybe another day though.” You say about to walk away, but he blocks your path.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve already been waiting for like 2 days because of training. We’ve gotta go now.” “I’m not in the mood Lo’ak.” Your irritation is growing. You loved Lo’ak. He was your absolute best friend, but he was persistent. And while that could be endearing in certain circumstances, it could also be kind of a nuisance. Right now, you really just needed to get back to your room and take care of your little problem.

“What’s up with you today? I thought you’d be dying to go.” He’s starting to get a little concerned looking at your face. “Your face is getting red.”

You can’t handle the way he’s looking at you right now, “Nothing is ‘up’ with me Lo’ak so will you drop it please?” you push past him and continue down the hall to your room.

Lo’ak follows right behind you though. “I’m not leaving you alone until you tell me what’s wrong.” You roll your eyes as he follows you into your room. “What? Somebody eat the last of your snacks or something?”

You huff out a big sigh and set your coffee on your desk. “If you really must know, I’m ovulating.”

His face screws in confusion. “Okay…What does that mean? Is that a human thing?”

Right. You and Lo’ak are so close that sometimes you forget he is actually an alien. “How do I explain it….it’s like when a na’vi woman goes into heat, but for humans we also can get bloated and moody and crampy and a whole bunch of other stuff. You follow?” you do your best to try and explain to him and his eyes jump around while he’s trying to make the connections in his mind. ”So you’re in a bad mood because you’re in heat?” he does his best to try and make sense of your situation.

“Basically, yeah.”

“So how do you make it better?” he crosses his legs making himself comfortable on your bed like he often did.

“There’s not really a way to make it better. I kind of have to just ride it out. Unless, I got pregnant, but it’s not like that’s gonna be happening anytime soon. But I’m irritated because I’m insanely horny and I can’t really get any relief.”  You brush your hair to the side with your fingers trying to soothe yourself and Lo’ak watches your hair brush over your neck and expose your shoulders.

“Well, what if I helped you out?” he asks casually.

Your body freezes in place. “Lo’ak I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“That’s why you’re not asking, I’m offering. I mean what kind of friend would I be if I knew I could help you out and I did nothing?” Lo’ak had always kind of had a thing for you. You were his closest friend and he found a comforting familiarity in you that he didn’t feel with other na’vi thanks to his slightly more human traits.

You think about his offer for a split second before snapping back to your senses. “How would that even work? I think you forget that you’re like 8 feet tall. You would quite literally split me in half.”

He chuckles knowing that you’re not wrong. “Just lay down and let me handle it.”

You’re skeptical. “What are you going to do?”

“Just lay down. You trust me, right?” You slowly make your way over to your bed next to him. “Yeah…”

“Okay then. So don’t be so uptight.” You lay back and let your eyes scan the ceiling of your room. Your breathing gets faster when you feel Lo’ak hook his fingers in the waist band of your shorts and panties and slide them down your legs. You close your eyes trying not to focus on the fact that your best friend was now staring down your exposed cunt.

This is crossing so many lines, but your mood would only get worse if you were to stop now. Work yourself up just to rip away your chance at real relief? You weren’t in the mood for edging today. There was no turning back now.

Meanwhile Lo’ak is wide-eyed as he stares at your body. He’d never tell you this, but he had imagined you exactly like this countless times. When he’d come to see you and you’d be dressed in barely-there comfy clothes, when you’d bend over to pick something up, when the front of your shirt would fall a little lower than it should and he would catch a peek at your cleavage. The restraint he had to hold on to was legendary. And now here he was licking his lips greedily as he almost gets stuck just staring at your form that squirmed with anticipation and nerves.

He lowers his head between your thighs and carefully swipes his tongue against your throbbing clit. Your whole body jolts from the feeling and a small moan escapes. Lo’ak’s ears flick in your direction and he’s now painfully aware of how hard he is right now. He continues lapping at your soaked entrance closing his eyes to savor the sweet taste on his tongue. He groans against your heat and the vibrations make your hips grind against his face. “Mmf…Fuck…Lo’ak!” your voice comes out in a breathy whine.

One of his fingers teases at your entrance before he slowly slides it inside of you. His finger is huge stretching you deliciously. You look down at his face and he’s already watching you. The eye contact makes you lose it. “Yes! Yes Lo’ak! Right there! Oh, fuck you’re gonna make me cum right there!”

“Shit, so fucking tight. Cum for me.” He says between sucking on your clit. It’s too much. The way his finger curls up to press against the spongey part inside your walls and the sound of him French kissing your cunt sends you over the edge. Your body shakes violently and your walls squeeze around his finger. Your head falls back while you reach your peak and subsequently come down.

Lo’ak reluctantly pulls his mouth off of you and pulls his finger out of you and watches your chest rise and fall rapidly while you regain your composure. He tries to position himself so that he can hide his bulge not wanting to let on just how badly he wanted to fuck you dumb right now.

“Feel better?”

You lazily nod your head at him.

“Good. So can we go diving now?” he tries to lighten the mood before any kind of conversation can follow what just happens. You’re not really ready to talk about it yet either.

“Alright, let’s go.”

He jumps up in excitement and you get dressed and find your mask.

“Thanks, Lo’ak.” Even if you weren’t really ready to talk about it yet, you still felt like you should at least thank him.

“Trust me, it was my pleasure.” He shoots you a playful wink before walking off.

[sssammich]

that is evil dammit sammit and i am sending 1 and 30 with the same caveat of why you are proud for 30

wow what a jerk true friendship. ok well i will give u an essay for 30

the last sentence you wrote

And Emma was returned back to the orphanage a week later.

lol i am sorry emma

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

hmmm i am proud of all of my children but i guess recently if we're thinking about which of my children made the honor roll

i'd have to give it a tie for my swan queen winter solstice fic, all we are to each other, and literally the last supercorp fic i wrote, angels work the night shift but for like very different reasons. i mean recency bias is probably at play here but also i wrote them this year so im always glad that i publish anything lol

anyway, the winter solstice fic was a a brutal push for me to execute a plot that originally was waaaay over my head because, uh, it had plot. it originally had a whole dream state section and i needed to cut back and simplify if i was gonna write it in any way i would have enjoyed and still post on time after a few extension requests. i also had this massive anchor scene that had all the angsty elements i love to indulge in but it just was too rotten in its original spot so i had to make some executive decisions of how to appropriately present that anchor scene. i mean i think i've landed on a pretty solid story but at the time of publishing, i kinda needed to take a breather so i could appreciate it for what it is and how well the story actually turned out with a bunch of changes. i'm also very much in my "how to solve a problem of two women? add a third woman" era and that is very clear and apparent in this one lmao and i really love that for me

as for the angels work the night shift fic, i mostly like that fic because a) i wrote a tender fic without any tremendously big or major angst so go me but b) i really was just kind of impressed with myself for how i executed it since it never happens (and may never happen again???) because i wrote 9k words in essentially 4 sittings over the course of a weekend (2x on friday, 1x on saturday, and 1x on sunday) AND i wrote the fic in literal order? i didn't even skip around like i normally do? it just was scene one, scene two, scene three, on and on! and!! the story was just writing itself i didn't think too hard on it or how it worked, it just did its thing and the fic was done. like, i heard the title from a video i saw (maybe one of those short clips of some medical procedural????) and i wrote it down in my notes app and then like the next day i just banged out the fic and it's done. it was the smoothest writing experience i have had in a really long time, so that was a big surprise to me

anyway that's all lolol

fic ask meme

[cyclogenesis]

☁️📚❄️🌸 (i know you have a pet and i want to see her!! miss pink nose!!!!!)

☁️ what made you choose your username? I came across the word when I was in the midst of reading up on tornadoes and I was enchanted by it, and at the time I was looking to get a new fannish username and this one was available on Tumblr and Twitter! It's my third fannish pseud after a Roswell-related one when I was a teenager, then I wrote under AddictedKitten for several years before being irreparably traumatized by bandom and having to rebrand. The bandom trauma resulted in two and a half years of not writing anything so once I came back to fandom I added cyclogenesis as a pseud to my AO3 account and have written under this name since 2012! Hopefully I'll just keep this one forever as my main account. As trivia my Dead Dove account extratropical is so named due to the weather phenomenon of extratropical cyclogenesis because I think I'm soooooooo funny.

📚 what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? "Check WSP for graphite dupe and more shea butter" So I passed by Bath & Body Works the other day and it reminded me of when I was in Fresno waiting for a Chinese food order (this place had the most BANGER spicy cabbage, god I miss it) and a guy walked in and was waiting in line. I told him he smelled good and he was SO enthused to share what he was wearing but he couldn't think of the name, he just knew it was from Bath & Body Works, so he texted his girlfriend and she told him it was Graphite and then he excitedly told me and was like "I think girls can wear it too!!" and I was like hell yeah king, thanks for the hot tip. Anyway, I make my own body products (lotions, scrubs, body washes, etc.) and most larger craft supply stores sell dupes of popular fragrances, so I made a note to check my usual go-to Wholesale Supplies Plus and get a bottle of the fragrance oil to make my own stuff with it, and also I need to get more shea butter from there, and it's a good thing you asked me this one bc I forgot that I'd written it down and now I'm going to open up the website and actually buy those things. Amazing.

❄️ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? I mean, my first thought is just some like excruciatingly detailed porn that hits all of my kinks. Like, Origins Wade suffering gorgeously for tens of thousands of words. Ryan Reynolds kink discovery epic where he gets railed into blissful submission by Hugh and Blake. DP&W rough sex fic with soulmate levels of fated romance that's also consistently funny throughout. Any underage AU ever. But if I'm NOT thinking exclusively with my dick for two seconds, what I really fucking want right now is a Hugh/Ryan(/Blake) story that covers their whole history and touches on a bunch of canon events with them hooking up the whole time until finally deciding to become a throuple. (With Ryan getting railed into blissful submission by Hugh and Blake. You know!!) Or, god, any RPF at all that's good! Anything!!!! Anybody who tried to write any of this for me at all would write it the best because they would be doing the nicest possible thing for me. God, may I someday be so worthy!!

🌸 do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them Here are some photos of Ameri, the world's silliest little man, from back when she was the world's silliest little baby! Photos 2 and 6 are from the day we got her 🥰 little bitty calico jellybean

Askbox meme is here if anyone else wants to play!

[wordsandrobots]

Wishing on Space Hardware: Trivia and the cutting room floor

Having finished the single longest writing project I've ever done, I find myself with a number of bits and pieces left over.

To be fair, I also invite you to contribute to the pile by letting me know if there are any extra scenes you'd like to see based on my truly excessive amount of Iron-Blooded Orphans fanfic. The ask box is open for that and anything else you'd like to prompt me to write about.

However, there remains a bunch of stuff that never made it into the final story and a lot of little details I feel are worth commenting on. So as I luxuriate in not having to spend the week editing chapters any more, I thought I'd share a couple of quick lists regarding the process and what got cut out of it. For posterity, at least.

Spoilers for the fics, obviously, and since they're post-canon, spoilers for IBO as well (go watch it if you have not, it is very, very good, hence the 656,000 words I wrote as a direct consequence [not counting the essays. Jeepers, I'll have to tot it all up some day and get the grand total).

Ahem. Anyway. Trivia!

First up, I must publicly credit penitence_road (on Tumblr as @stillness-in-green)’s excellent IBO fics for inspiring one of the major threads in WoSH (I've mentioned this in author notes but the debt cannot be overstated). The phrase 'Almiria's Adolescent Apocalypse' lodged in my brain and became a mission statement. I did try to steer in a completely different direction regarding the specifics (hence why Todo is very much not a part of the core gang), but the main thrust was all about taking that description and seeing how I could flesh it out. (Go read these fics, my goodness.)

Second, there are, of course, mythology gags referencing the wider Gundam franchise sprinkled liberally throughout. Some I've already called out in author notes, but I believe managed to reference Gundam 79, Zeta Gundam, Gundam ZZ, Char's Counterattack, Gundam Wing, Turn A Gundam, Gundam SEED, Gundam 00, and Reconguista in G in more or less explicit ways. See if you can spot them all!

I named Skoll and Hati with specific reference to their roles in the Poetic Eda. That is, I thought of them as 'the moon-hunter Gundam' and 'the sun-killed Schwalbe', respectively, in reference to their rolls harassing the Arianrhod Fleet (formally the Outer Lunar Orbit Joint Fleet) and destroying the Ahab reactor factory. But also they reflect their pilots' temperaments, with Skoll 'the mocker' being flown by Embi and Hati 'the hater' by Lin.

Spaceships Baldr and the Váli were named in a similar fashion, for their connections to Ragnarök (Váli is Vidar's brother, another of the gods who survive the final battle), and I chose to describe the finale as 'Ragnarök' in the first place because in the sagas, it represents a renewal of the world, rather than a complete end. Quite apart from the Norse influence on Gjallarhorn's whole deal, the cyclical nature dovetailed nicely with what I was trying to do with the story.

I had a very near miss with Skoll in that I wrote it as being based on ASW-G-15 Eligos, named after a demon that took the form of a handsome knight who can see the future. Some months later, the IBO-G app would reveal ASW-G-16 Zepar, the very next Gundam in the sequence, whose namesake's appearance as a red-garbed soldier seems to have been muddled with Eligos in some of the sources I checked. I am really quite relieved I didn't have to rework anything there, but it was close!

Visually, the deconstructed Char-clone that is Almiria's gang channel aspects of other iterations of the trope, with Asher obviously replicating Montag, Embi settling vaguely in the region of Quattro (that is, a more civilian-mode masked man), and Almira assaying McGillis in a way that probably lands not a millions miles from Rau. But I was primarily thinking of Relena's Sanc Kingdom outfit for her, so the 'general's' coat is a lot fancier.

The media-savvy ally to Victor Handa in Revolution for Beginners... is the same cameraman who filmed Kudelia's pivotal broadcast at the conclusion of Season 1's Dort arc. Those events seemed like they would have consequences for the journalists involved and in Hajime's case, that involved being swayed fully over to the workers' movement.

I invented Alessio as a character to counter-balance Iverson and ensure I had some non-villainous non-binary rep. That I picked the stoutest background character model I could find was not unrelated to this, though it's also an *interesting* model, especially coupled to the ones around him/them in the big group shot.

Doc Chaifin, meanwhile, just sort of happened. Sometimes characters do that.

I wrote a significant chunk of the sex scene (well, post-sex scene) in To Catch a Falling Star while sitting in a car park, waiting for my partner to come back from an appointment. This was mainly because the fic was absolutely consuming my brain and I'd discovered the joys of using a mobile phone to write notes (I put off getting a smart phone for a long, long time).

With respect to the Calamity War recording segments of Eugene Sevenstark and the Hesperus Treasure, my working head-canon is that Agnika Kaieru had a science/engineering background. Or, well, I think he moved in a social circle full of scientists and engineers before getting started on the war effort. I also have this notion that his parents at least were part of the corporate class, distinct from the aristocratic class from which people like the Bauduins and Fareeds emerged. But I never sat down to work it all out in full, as that wasn't required for the story.

Regarding Hesperus, I kind of fudged a lot to get the story to work. I'd sort of assumed Radonitsa Colony was a post-War construct rather than something pre-existing, which isn't really supported by the Urdr Hunt game. So the idea of it being a composite of different space platforms bolted around a space elevator terminal is perhaps a bit of a stretch. I still like it though, the basic concept of doing archaeology on space stations.

There's a lot of stuff I did in the moment, to get an individual fic to work, that I was later able to basically repurpose as long-term plot-points. I didn't actually intend for the 'There are three things you need to know to understand what comes next' bit to set up the salvager ship in the finale, or the pluma in Let Sleeping Angels Lie to set-up for what the McGillis faction would do with the leftovers of Season 2's events. But having those things set up gave me some wonderful 'ah ha' moments as I marshalled the overall plot. If nothing else, I got quite a rush out of realising both Gaelio's weaponised wheelchair and the beach house's lethal defences were there to use.

...try not to think too hard about how excited I got figuring out a convoluted assassination method. I'm certainly going to try not to.

The plot really kicked into gear for me with The Ares Affair. Up to then, I'd been coasting on character interactions and fix-its. But then all the consequences suddenly coalesced in my brain and I went, 'oh, this is what we're doing, is it?'

In addition to the playlists I've already put up, grown-up!Almiria's theme is Bach's Polonaise in G Minor on the harpsichord because it is *precisely* what you'd get if you pitched Rustal Elion's theme higher and more playful.

I still have no proper explanation for why A New England stuck in my head so hard when I was writing th first few fics. But I'm glad it did because it gave me a killer series title, if I do say so myself.

I tried extremely hard to make sure everyone in the anime cast got some kind of moment in the spotlight or at least a mention. Think I did a pretty good job on that front, overall.

And to wrap up on that point, yes, the narrator who occasionally addresses you directly is a character from the show. I'd be terribly interested to hear if any of you've worked out who. (It might not be strictly guessable, since there isn't anything gesturing at it per se; I just imagined it being their voice and it kind of fits, thematically.)

Now let's open the door to the cutting room!

The big one is that when I originally planned out the plot of Revolution for Beginners and Polyamory for Dumbasses, a key part of the uprising in the Dort Colonies was going to be the hackers allied with Ride knocking out the nearby Ariadne beacons in order to blind Earth to what was happening. Gjallarhorn would then have analysed the computer virus they used, and that would have been the basis for them messing about with the Network in the final stretch of fics. In the end, there simply wasn't enough room to fit any more threads into that fic and the more I thought it over, the more I decided this would be weighting the balance of power wrong. It'd be too much of a flat-out win for the colonists. Joshua's appearance on Ariadne One -- which had been intended to set things up for the beacon-hacking -- remained, just recontextualised as a clue to who was responsible for the attack in Frozen Sunlight, and a small bit of character development for this OC. I repurposed the remainder of this plot as a way to tie Ride's arc into Almiria's (she taps him for the hacking resources as a result of them messing with Ariadne One's sensors instead) and made 'Höðr' an entirely Gjallarhorn project.

The delay to the release of the Urdr Hunt mobile game drastically changed the opening to arc 4 and had knock-on effects for how the grand finale worked. Because I thought I'd have more to work with in terms of plot and characters of the game when it came time to do the writing, I'd assumed I'd be able to work in appearances from Urdr Hunt's cast. I'd planned a much bigger pay off to the idea of Radonitsa Colony's tourist board trying to get the Martain Chairperson to visit, which was that Atra and Akatsuki would have gone alone with Eugene and Sri. The whole 'let's pretend we're here to assess the facilities on behalf of the Martian government' would have been more than a passing joke and instead been a full-on cover story, with Wistario and the his friends scrambling to put on a good show. This would, I admit, mainly have existed to set up a rather dumb gag whereby Sri and Akatsuki would have been the only ones not distracted by Nanao Narolina's everything in a room full of straight male or bisexual adults. But with the delayed release of the game, I needed a drastic rethink, hence bringing in Zaza and having the whole adventure take place with the Urdr Hunt characters off-screen (I even made it vague as to whether they were the ones running the colony, just in case I needed to swing it as someone else taking over following a tragic or failed ending). Ultimately I am very happy this happened, since I didn't especially gel with the protagonists of the game and it gave me greater opportunity to play with my beloved manga cast. But it did mean my idea of having both spin-off heroes come to the rescue at a dramatic juncture never materialised.

This proved to be single biggest alteration to my plotting for the final arc, too. Initially, the escape from Earth was going to be a lot more dramatic. For one thing, I was planning for the whole 'Yamagi gets left behind' element to happen in orbit, with Shino and Eugene actually present. Some sort of ship to ship transfer going wrong, people going adrift in space, that kind of thing. For another, I had the idea of bringing both Gundams Astaroth and Hajiroboshi into play, for a proper 'fight our way through the blockade' moment. Wistario was going to swoop to the rescue as the shuttle broke atmosphere, there'd be pursuit, and I'd wreck as many cop cars Grazes as I could get away with in some protracted chase sequence before we got to the big NOOOO moment. Yeah. But obviously without knowing Wistario's real personality or situation post-game, I didn't have enough material to work with and plans changed. For the better, I think, given the characters moments it allowed me to have and given that Wiz's character is one of my least favourite parts of IBO's extended media. But yeah. I was aiming for a proper team-up, the kind where you could have different people's theme music kicking in as they swooped into view, and it was not to be.

History of a Catastrophe. Oh boy. As I noted at the time, this one got away from me a lot in terms of length. I ended up cutting three complete scenes in an effort to contain the sprawl. The first to go was one focused on Ville Klaassen, (main?) villain of the Moon Steel manga, who I'd already had cameo in Of Obsessions and Erotemes. I wanted to gesture more towards a conclusion for the manga's story, extending from what I'd laid down previously, but ultimately that was too low a priority to justify adding to the word count, so out it went. Given the alternating structure of this fic (it switches between what is broadly 'Julieta's strand' and 'Almiria's strand), that meant cutting a later scene as well and I opted to ditch a brief cutaway to Embi, mainly because it just repeated stuff I'd already establish in A Handful of Rusted Petals. And possibly because of this cut, or because I'd just mucked up the ordering at some point, I also had to get rid of a scene between two of Gjallarhorn's high command that, while cute from an office politics point of view, didn't really contribute much else.

Actually, since these are all quite short, I might as well put them in here so you can see what you weren't missing!

««««««««««««⟸ ✎ 🜘 ✎ 🜘 ✎ 🜘 ✎ ⟹»»»»»»»»»»»»

P.D. 327 – In the middle of entirely unrelated events; Gjallarhorn branch office, Prague

“I'm sorry, is this a bad time?”

Ville Klaassen pushes his briefcase and hat across the desk, out of sight of the terminal screen. “Not at all. I'm just in the middle of preparing for a business trip.”

The Police Bureau officer's eyebrow twitches. “Hopefully this shouldn't take up much of your time. I'm calling regarding two cases you worked on in the aftermath of the McGillis Fareed Incident.”

That explains the highly-secured channel, which demanded Ville confirm he was alone before it would establish an encrypted link. “Oh yes?”

“I'm specifically referring to events at Research Station AD-5, and the investigation into the Fareed Charitable School.”

“The Alaya-Vijnana research? Of course.” The murdered scientists, the destroyed data – evidence of a zealot's self-mutilation turned to so much ash and broken glass. “What of it?”

“This is your official notification that information on these cases has been deemed deleterious to the public good and will henceforth be restricted to category five clearance.”

Interesting. The research Ville can understand, but a school –? Oh, that's right. Those rumours concerning Lord Iznario's predilections. “I was only peripheral to the second investigation. I wouldn't even have been on the ground for the first, had internal affairs not been so short-handed.”

Clearly the exact details of the involvement are irrelevant. “Please sign the forms now being sent to your inbox to confirm you have received this notification. Since you only hold level four clearance, you are not permitted to discuss the indicated cases unless ordered to do so by a superior with level five clearance or above. I am additionally required to run a remote-access search on your Gjallarhorn-issue devices to purge any data pertaining to these cases.”

“Remote access?” Ville asks, a drop of sweat forming at the top of his spine and seeming to fall right the way down it. “Now?”

“The scan must be run as soon as is viable.” There is an overly-deliberate pause. “Do you object?”

Such a rookie error. Ville curses himself inwardly. “Naturally not.” He casts a glance at the pad on the other side of his desk, still displaying the surveillance feed from this morning. “Will you need to scan my personal devices as well?”

“I am not authorised to do so, since under level four clearance, you will not have been permitted to take personal copies of relevant information.”

“Forgive me, I merely wished to be certain.” Opening the security menu on the terminal, he checks his settings. Shouldn't be too much of a risk since he isn't amateur enough to conduct his outside dealings using work equipment. “Please go ahead.”

“Thank you,” says the officer once the progress bar has run its course. “No excisions required.”

“I try to keep things tidy.”

“Please sign the forms promptly. Good day.”

Doing as instructed, Ville wonders what will become of the staff and 'students' of the school. They must surely know plenty of juicy details that would be deleterious to Gjallarhorn's good name… on any other day, he'd consider stretching feelers in that direction, just to see what he might find…

The pad twitters. Fresh footage of two people on a street corner, a skinny blonde with a crutch beside a big, white-haired man, both huddled in cheap anoraks.

Ville snarls, grabbing his hat and dialling furiously. “Nanao,” he snaps as soon as the comm connects, “the Warren boy and his employer's pet thug are right outside the building! I cannot have them causing a scene here. Where the hell are you?”

««««««««««««⟸ ♊︎ ♠ ♊︎ ♠ ♊︎ ♠ ♊︎ ⟹»»»»»»»»»»»»

P.D. 327 – More than two years after Tekkadan's last battle; Chryse, Mars

First time Embi takes Fly-Away, he doesn't stop giggling for four hours.

He floats on a cloud of painlessness, the ghosts and memories lost somewhere way below him as the vapour swirls happily inside his head. His brother is dead. He's constantly surrounded by the people Elgar died for. And right now, he doesn't care. About any of it! It feels so good!

Crashing afterwards sucks. Not getting the shakes bad. It just stinks to be stuck with all the usual feelings. He has fucked-up nightmares about carrying Elgar through the desert, a dead weight clinging tight to his back. Barely gets through the day without starting a fight. Tries to punch Hirume for asking what's wrong.

The solution is obvious. Embi gets some more Fly-Away and the second time is even better.

So it becomes a pattern. Get the money to buy what he needs to make things a little less shit for a while. Burn through that. Rinse. Repeat.

Everyone keeps telling him he needs to find something to live for, right? He guesses this is it.

««««««««««««⟸ ... ፨ ... ፨ ... ፨ ... ⟹»»»»»»»»»»»»

P.D. 329 – Some time later; a private dining room at The Blue Horn, Vingolf

The Director General of the Inspection Bureau sniffs, as he is wont to do whenever he wishes to delay speaking. “Lord Iznario's death is being ruled misadventure. As… anticipated.”

The Regulatory Chief of Staff eyes him from across the table, fingernails digging ever so slightly into the white cloth laid between them. “Indeed it is.”

There is a heavy pause, the kind filled with common understandings that cannot be said aloud.

“You don't think…”

“I wouldn't know.” The Chief of Staff adjusts her forks. “That falls in your purview, not mine.”

“The Police Bureau is… not my bag either. Unless there's evidence of misdemeanour, the investigation is beyond our scope.”

“Is there? Evidence?”

The Director General fiddles with the cuffs of his tunic. “Seems the old man just muddled his tablets and didn't care about watching his diet.”

“The Seven Stars always thought they were above mere mortals.”

“Yes. Yes…”

Another, heavily pause.

“Convenient, at least,” concludes the Chief of Staff. “One less remnant of the old order, hanging around.”

The Director General coughs. “You know I'll be retiring in the new year? Lord – I mean, Commander Elion has some up-and-coming young fellow picked out to replace me.”

“I heard. Is he up to the job?”

“Mm. Probably. Didn't… get much say in the decision.”

“How democratic.”

“Hm.”

A waiter glides into the third silence, bowing obsequiously. “Madam, sir? Your entrées.”

-----------------------------------------------

As I said, nothing especially mind-blowing. I also had a slightly different opening to the segment featuring the pluma, which I again cut for length, but that I rather liked, as a conceit.

««««««««««««⟸ 010 101 010 ⟹»»»»»»»»»»»»

Can a machine remember?

It is possible for a machine to record. Pluma ASW-A-H-011_sub:27 can access data on its previous combat deployments at any time, to support its tactical algorithms. It can return the dimensions of the space freighter it disabled on its last activation, the topography of the desert it traversed during the battle before that, or images of the colossal detonation that led to it becoming buried for ERROR: UNABLE_TO_SYNC years.

But that is not remembering as you would understand it. Memory is imperfect, riddled with loss of clarity and skewed by emotional prejudice. A machine records raw, uncaring facts, free from conscious understanding of why they occur. Even if it performs tasks based on the patterns it detects, even if that performance resembles intelligence, it is most likely nothing more than a cascade of hollow logic, as insensible to wider context as a pebble dropping into the sea.

These, then, are the facts.

-----------------------------------------------

On the subject of aborted starts, here is something I sketched for a putative 'Wistario segment' of the Arc 4 opening story, which as discussed never materialised:

Wisterio Afam is having a bad day. That is to say, he's not having a good day. In the grand scheme of things it probably doesn't count as truly terrible given that nothing is presently on fire and as far as he knows the colony isn't being attacked right this minute. He personally is being assailed from all sides but that largely seems to be on the scale of a cosmic joke whereby all his carefully laid plans are coming apart at the stitching.

-----------------------------------------------

And finally, just because I thought it was clever at the time, a reprise segment from Love, Death and Cannoli that I again cut for length, but that would have repeated the echoing memory trick from To Catch a Falling Star chapter 11, with Yamagi recalling lines of dialogue with Shino that were (mostly) from my fics rather than the anime:

««««««««««««⟸ ⬡ 🛠 ⬡ 🛠 ⬡ 🛠 ⬡ ⟹»»»»»»»»»»»»

Suns turn into black holes if they get too big and die. So it is with his feelings. Gravitationally crushing.

I don't want perfect. I want you.

What a dumb thing to say.

(There's something wrong with me.)

But isn't it better to be wrong together than apart?

Do you think if we're both worrying it's our fault, that's a sign of something?

At least there are similarities in how they're screwed up, for whatever comfort that is.

(You're here and you're – you're mine.)

And Yamagi will hold on with hands and teeth and everything he's got.

Jeez, you're so uptight sometimes.

He can be fierce too, if it's necessary.

(Of course I want to be out there with you.)

Right to the very end.

-----------------------------------------------

I've a few more partial scenes in my planning document, but they're mostly things I reworked for the actual posted versions, rather than cutting entirely. Stuff like some of the flashbacks Shino has to his pre-Tekkadan days were originally in different places and the conversation between Yamagi and Ordsley wound up requiring a lot of changes as the story developed. I think that about covers all the major deviations from my original outline.

Oh, except for Gundam Paimon. I swear I meant to figure out what to do with that thing, eventually, but in the end it just remained hanging on the wall. Ah well.

[rainbowsandwhumperflies]

Do you do all your writing on one doc, or do you have a bunch of different ones?

I Suck at organizing, especially when trying to put a story together, so I am always trying to find (and stick to!) ways to organize my stuff

<3

you've caught me at kind of an awkward time, I'm in the middle of transferring stuff from one app to another with different formatting in each 😭 but I will do my best to explain my process of putting things together! warning this is a ridiculously long explanation

So the current main thing that I organize The Winged Servant into is a google doc, but it isn't the place that has the most of it. My current number of typed words for that story is about 83 thousand, but I actually have a deep hatred for typing and love for pencils and paper. If I were to guess the amount of ws that was written somewhere, I'd say probably about twice as much.

I do have notebooks specifically for writing in. I don't use most of them.

Where I mostly write is actually my yearly planner! I get planners that give me like two pages each week, and my handwriting is very small. So after I use the planner part, there's a lot of leftover space, and I put a lot of things in the empty past space. I also have the ADHD curse of never opening planners, so I put literally every single thing in the past space so I'm forced to open it. It's my writing and my school notes and song lyrics that get stuck in my head and so much other stuff. I don't think I can explain without a visual? So here's a wretched wretched visual.

[ID: I'm so sorry if you rely on image descriptions. This is an image of a piece of paper with like eight different topics scribbled all over it, with editing that is desperately trying to make it seem less chaotic than it is. This editing is doing it by labeling different areas with "this whole green bar is repetitive spanish vocab for memorization" "it''s stats notes the whole way down" "song lyrics that were stuck in my head" "when the math teacher was like 'use scrap paper'" "vampire fanfic if I remember correctly" "things that were written in the planner as plans" and "tiktok audios I wanted to animate to (so that I didn't have to keep listening to it every five seconds)" /end ID]

so yeah that's what my planners look like. I put pretty much everything in there. this is one of the tamer pages. the reason the right side handwriting is so much worse is because I wrote it with my left hand to practice to become ambidextrous!

That's where the majority of The Winged Servant is written. That is where the majority of everything I write is written. I've been getting the same planner for the past three years and doing this every year. I have no organization system within the notebook, I just write whatever sounds appealing that day. And once in a while if I want to write but have no energy, I start typing wherever I left off. Right now I'm a few pages into the second notebook!

Okay enough about the pencil paper writing. Once it gets typed, it does currently go into one google doc. I do love love love the new tab feature of google docs though! It's really convenient to be able to just have multiple google docs inside a google doc. This is what the tabs of ws look like.

[ID: tabs in a google doc, reading: Outline, Preplot Kieran, Arien era, Captivity era, Actual story ?!?! and Ask games etc etc. /end ID]

There used to be two more, which were pre-whump royalty and pre-whump angels. Those are currently inside of the outline tab, because I'm trying to condense all of them into one tab while keeping headings intact so that I can export the document eventually.

The reason I'm exporting is to move to ellipsus ! It doesn't have all the features of google docs that I wish it did but it doesn't scrape original work for ai. It is all around a much more ethical company so I'm moving over there. Also most of the features I want have been requested and the ellipsus team is really nice about listening to feedback so I'm not worried.

Anyway. This is what inside the tabs looks like.

[ID: Inside of the tab reading "Actual story ?!?!" there are subcategories, titles Chapter 1 (Posted), Chapter 2 (Posted), Chapter 3 (Posted), Chapter 4 (Posted), and Chapter 5 (Posted) /end ID]

Each chapter title also has a description (the same descriptions that I use in the masterlist lmao) and I can see them if I hover. Since they're chapters instead of concepts, they are all the same level of subcategory, but in the other tabs they're not chapters and not the same level.

[ID: Inside the tab "Ask games etc etc" there's a subcategory titled "In-character writing asks" . Inside of that, there are more subcategories titled Ryan's asks, Onyx's asks, and Asks for multiple characters /end ID]

so. yeah. that's about it. my organization system is Fuck Around And Find Out. it's a miracle I've ever posted anything coherent and I'm sorry if you were hoping for a genuinely helpful answer. but I hope this answered any questions of yours!

[isadollie]

So could I make a request for the matchup? Here's the info I wrote down;

-for fandom: haikyuu

-My name is Lorena (also not a native english speaker!), she/her, demisexual (no real preference of gender, i just like people but also quite a low/slow tolerancy for developing romantic feelings) no preference

-likes: being at home/alone, cooking and baking and drawing, scary uncomfortable movies

-dislikes: uggs, loud people

-in my free time i like to just listen to music and think about things or have a good cleaning session

-definitely on the grunge/alternative side, also alternating between masculine and feminine

-short and quite a small frame (at 156cm and 47kg but im trying to gain weight i swear), short dark brown shaggy hair which i dye dark red, brown eyes that do not work (i wear contacts)

-quiet and introverted, if i had to compare to a haikyuu character, in a kiyoko type of way. I find it easier to socialise with other introverts as well. Usually I keep my thoughts to myself unless im around close friends, I legit get silly with them, I like to be direct and honest and more of a listener. Mom friend of the group so I tend to be stern with my friends, lowkey a party pooper as im a hater at heart. That friend that does not like your boyfriend

-i dabble between infp/intp, who knows atp

-my dream present would be smth like a trinket that reminds them of me

-my love language would be quality time and acts of service

- taurus rahh 💪🫶

- a good deal are a bunch of mitski songs (abbey, thursday girl, cop car), red swan, francesca

Thanks so much, you're a peach!

— matchup —

if you'd want a matchup too, make sure to check out this! link

i match you with...

Iwaizumi Hajime!

★ i have a feeling Iwa would love alt aesthetics, personally i think he'd like alt music too-

★ being an amazing man he is, he'd definitely take things slow, he doesn't want to rush anything, his priority is to make you feel safe and comfortable around him

★ scary and uncomfortable movies you say? oh, when i tell you he's in love. he has a whole list of this kind of movies in his notes app, marking the ones you've already seen together. you also rate every movie you've watched, creating a whole tier list out of them lol

★ knowing that you find it hard to socialize, he wouldn't pressure you into doing so. however, if you two meet a whole bunch of his friends when hanging out, he'd check every minute if you feel comfortable enough around them. if you want to say something, he only listens to you and makes sure that others don't interrupt you when you talk

★ he loves to see you being mom of the friend group! it shows him how caring you can be towards the ones important to you, and that just makes him fall in love even more

★ he is soo acts of service guy, you can't change my mind about this i'm afraid. you hate to do this one particular house chore? call him. he'll do that. just like that

★ Iwa knows you don't like loud people, so whenever Oikawa acts a bit too annoying, he just has one more reason to scold him<3

hello, hope you liked it:) your second match was kenma! thanks for requesting<3

[false-anachronism]

17 + 27 + 29 + 31 for the fic game!! u don't have to do all of them only if u want thats a lot of numbers LMAO

jokes on u im gonna do ALL OF THEM!!!

17. What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

ouhhh. hmmm. dialogue. i loveeee dialogue and character voice and i think i am pretty good at it tbh!!!!! i am always proud of my dialogue <3

27. Are any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

YEAH. YEAGH. yeah ive got like. a whole series on my ao3 full of vent and comfort fics and ther r only 3 fics in there so far but literally all of them were based off real life stuff. my favourite one is probably my sanders sides one titled saint bernard and it's SO ooc but it's like. still pretty fucking good im ngl. i was fresh out of high school and coping with still being stuck in a shitty religious town that hated my very existence and that spawned!!!! that entire fic!!!!!! fucking irked the HELL out of me when someone decided to review it like a damn novel in my comments like no its literally just a vent fic!!! its not meant to be critiqued i just want to scream about being a small town queer kid shut the fuck up!!!!! i was very polite about it though. i shouldn't have been. anyway

29. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

OOOOO depends. i usually try to proofread it as i go kind of, like im not done the nhw bitb interlude but i have gone back and read what i've already written and edited a bunch of it already and i'll def have 2 edit the latter half more when i finish it. i try 2 read things over fully at least once when it's all done, but sometimes i'll read it over again before posting it. minimal proofreading bc i tend 2 proofread as i write yk

31. What fic meant the most to you to write?

oh man. there's so many. saint bernard was like. so fucking everything 2 me at the time. i wrote it all in the notes app on my phone and it was just a random ass au i thought up and decided 2 write because like. yk. gestures 2 my hometown. u don't even need 2 watch sanders sides 2 understand it u can read it without that so if u want 2 understand me intrinsically as a person i would highly recommend it. i am rather proud of it even tho my writing was. not the greatest at that time!!! also camp unus annus was v important 2 me. sanders sides at camp unus annus au!!! it's literally so silly and stupid and dumb but the last chapter is rly good. i think abt it every day. cringe is dead and i took it out back and shot it twice in the head khepristyle <3 ALSO BRUTAL. GOD. super fucking important to me. ashe wintar......... i think abt brutal all the fucking time. i too sometimes feel like i am carrying dead weight on my back that i can't control and feel weirdbad and like things r not real. ashe wintar <3

[smaller-comfort]

⭐! Loser Takes All!

You know, I think if someone else had already written the filthy Aephorul/Resh'an tentacle smut I was craving back when I first finished the game, I might not have felt the need to write my own. I hadn't done any serious creative writing in years at that point, but the idea kept rolling around in my head and wouldn't go away. I wrote the first 2500 words of it in a draft tumblr post because typing anything in my notes app or google docs felt too real, and I had to trick my brain into thinking I wasn't actually writing anything in order to get any writing done.

It was always going to start with Aephorul's temper tantrum in the Archives, but at one point Aephorul's violence was going to take the sex in a much darker direction. That got scrapped pretty quickly, and instead there's that whole interlude where Aephorul is insistent on Resh'an's consent. I actually do think that's an important bit of characterization now, but I recognize that it might be a little immersion-breaking in some ways. And it's really in there because otherwise I was going to run up against a bunch of my own weirdly specific squicks around sex and violence. (Maybe I'll unpack that in an essay about content warnings at some point, idk. I'm not always sure where the lines are myself, honestly.)

I didn't end up cutting much from the final story- I think I deleted most of what I didn't use, unfortunately. (Fun fact, I had originally scrapped the sounding because I was getting self conscious about it; this was my first time writing...pretty much all of the kinks in there, actually. It's @kyoukhi's fault the sounding got written back in.)

You can see the tiny handful of bits I did cut here (nsfw-ish):

(This bit is actually in my notes on the tumblr post where I link to the story. Their stupid bickering is 99% of the appeal for me, honestly.)

“An eye for an eye, isn't it? You fucked my plans in two worlds. Now I get to fuck you."

It's too much. He breaks one hand free of Aephorul's grasp, so he can cover his face with it.  “That sounded better in your head, didn't it.”

“...oh, shut up.”

----

His mouth is dry. He feels too hot, as if Aephorul's hand on his bare skin has lit a fever in him. It has been countless thousands of years since he has felt anything like this, and it is awful.

He knows that he can, actually, come from this- endless, merciless teasing- he's done it before. But it had taken weeks to get to that point, and he is not going to think about the stupid sexy games they used to play with each other before everything went to shit.

--

(I think this was actually the first bit of the sex that I wrote.)

"You're such. A. Hypocrite. Play by the rules until you can't be bothered, and then you agree so readily to whatever forfeit I want- it's almost like you enjoy this."

"Should I not?" He asks, drily. It takes quite a lot of self control to keep his voice even, while Aephorul's cock- or whatever it is- twitches. "Probably should have mentioned that at the start then- ah!"

---

(the gist of this bit is actually getting reused in Save Scum, but this is what it originally looked like):

“Do you remember-”

“No.” The word comes out in a sudden, vehement snarl.

Everything stops, which is agonizing in its own way.  His feet touch the ground, and the bindings on his arms recede. Aephorul holds him in a carefully controlled collapse to the floor.

“No,” he repeats. His eyes are still sealed shut.  “Not- not to this." He trails one hand down the nearest piece of flesh he can reach. "This is fine.”

“Is it?” Hands- tentacles, whatever- wrap around Resh'an's shoulders, massaging the aching muscles there. 

“Yes,” slightly exasperated. “Just don't- don't bring up- the way things were. Don't ask me to remember.”

“Very well.” Aephorul's voice is flat and emotionless.

[god-has-entered-my-body]

📚 and 🍄 for MPIND Matty <3

-Belle ❤️❤️❤️

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

wait i have a whole google doc of headcannons for mpind can i just. share that wait i will it's my blog i do what i want

Ross is the main chef and cooks most of the time. He’s the only one who actually listened in food tech back in school and can make something other than pasta or frozen fast food. The guys and you have at least one dinner a week where you sit around the table and have a meal together, giggling at Matty’s grimace at his curry, endlessly complaining about the “chewy meat”, and insisting on cooking next time. No one actually lets him cook, ever, because you all know he’d burn it all down if he ever got a hold of an open flame.

George has his moments where he gets super carsick, which prompts everyone to inch away from his side of the car as he rolls down the window, hanging his head out to try and curb the urge to yosh everywhere. Surprisingly enough, it goes away when he gets pissed, too busy trying to fend off an even more drunk Matty to realize where he is, thus making Hann sigh in relief at his car being spared.

Everyone knows Matty hates hates hates wearing his glasses, and has a knack for smashing into different furniture when he doesn't, especially small nightstands and sofas. His legs are littered with blue and yellow bruises because of this, which is part of the reason he doesn't wear shorts often, opting for long jeans or skirts.

Hann loves his bumper stickers, and has a bunch of them littering his car (whose color George thinks is hideous, hating the matted red). His favorite is his Forrest Gump “shit happens” sticker, that movie being his go-to when he needs a good cry. Even if you try to hide it, the rest of you cry like babies whenever that last scene comes on, the room filled with sniffles and clinks of cocktail glasses being put down and quiet “for fucks sake”’s while everyone tries to compose themselves before someone puts the light on. It's an odd sight, Ross and George rubbing their eyes and wiping their face, giggling at the others reaction like they weren't both sobbing their eyes out.

Hann is also the only one in the group that has everyones number memorized. You have Matty and Hann’s, George has Ross and Matty’s, Ross only knows Hann’s by heart, and Matty barely has his own down. Thankfully, its rare that any one of you is alone by themselves without their phone, so Matty not knowing his own mate’s numbers doesnt bring as many problems as you’d think.

okay yeah not what you asked for but COPE i'm so serious

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

i was listening to music and my mate wouldnt stop. pestering me so i wrote him this.

translation: listen to me i want to listen to music leave me alone or i'll take your aperol i swear to diana (the princess.)

[logsbts]

[LOG 001] - 1:15 AM - (“I knew it before it was famous”)

Okay, so does anyone else get the a little angry when something of yours that you know you had claimed before gets claimed by somebody else. I genuinely don’t know if it’s like a narcissistic thing or just like a god complex. I don’t really understand where this feeling originates from. A lot of this energy does come from the culture of music artist especially those found from TikTok. Mitski is one of my favorite artist in the world and I would say that I was introduced to her from TikTok but I really delve into her music and found love for her whole discography. Nowadays though, with the release of her new album a bunch of fans starting liking her of a song, “my love is all mine.” What’s so crazy to me is that when that album came out, and I mean in the mere seconds that it was released, I was listening to it, and I was writing down in my notes app on each song, and I instantly fell in love with the song and wrote about how it’s probably one of the best in the album. Then with its popularity growth, i don’t understand for my need to be right about predicting its popularity. It’s such a small thing that literally nobody cares about but me and it’s something about myself that I truly don’t like. Even for her concerts, when I went, I got a little pissed for the people who went only for one song that got super famous, and my anger could be derived from the amount of money I had to pay for those tickets, because they were a reseller’s price and I felt like it sucked that other people who truly love her but just couldn’t afford the crazy prices didn’t see her but the trend loving people got in. (Okay, no hate though, support her of course, and it’s great that they got exposed to more of her discography, but i do remember even she hated her fans paying crazy amounts of money from resellers.)

I wonder if other’s are the same as well though. I mean there must be, seeing as the word “gatekeep” arose during the prime TikTok years. I am still really nice though when it comes to locations that I found to enjoy, I find it personally rude to not tell someone your “spot” because I feel like they should feel the love for the place as you do, but at the same time I can understand the hesitation. It is a such a complex feeling that maybe is deeply rooted in the competitive nature of humans. It’s genuinely so silly. I just wanted to like be aware of myself of this feeling that I feel I need to work on and writing a little about it feels a little better and eye opening. Thx.

[erstwhilesparrow]

1, 29, 30 for ao3 wrapped!!

ao3 wrapped ask game

hiiii :D!!

How many words have you written this year?

oh boy. okay. so my ao3 stats say that i have posted 122,849 words on ao3 this year. this... does not include all the ficlets i have posted on tumblr (i wrote a bunch of drabbles back in may/june as treats for the mcytblr drabble exchange, as i'm sure you recall, and then there've been whatever other random bits of writing i've posted throughout the year) and also this does not include the various catrina-and-sparrow shared AUs that exist primarily in fragments in my google drive and across a few notes apps. AND whatever i wrote with my irl friends as part of our weekly writing exercises. i'm gonna estimate it's at least 125k words, it's probably more than that? uh. but i guess the name of the game is ao3 wrapped. so. i have already given you my answer ^^;

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

don't do this to me. i was already struggling to pick a favourite work. don't you know i'm self-obsessed and love my own writing.

all right i'm picking this one from branches, but softer:

No one could take the sound of rain on topsoil from him, the softening splatter of mud and stomped puddles. A downpour that made the whole clouded sky that drowsy, welcoming kind of quiet. The wet dog smell Ren brought with him into the confines of the wooden overhang they’d meant to turn into a market stall. Martyn has spent more time than he knows how to track stumbling into dead ends in this maze, opening doors onto colourless expanses, thinking this time, he’ll turn the corner and there will be the slop-bucket glory of their fields, battered to muck in the open air.

i'm proud of... the sound of it? the rhythm? and how even now, after having written it and done two editing passes and probably reread it a couple times at least, the imagery and feeling of it still work for/on me? i know this kind of rain and i picked the right words to capture it exactly as i wanted to.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

i have already answered this here but i feel kind of awkward just linking that answer for you, so i'll say another one. at some point... not even that long ago, like in the last couple months, someone was like "you sure write a lot about The Experience Of Being In A Body" and i was like "what! since when! i'm TERRIBLE at writing about bodies! i never pay attention to that stuff!" and then i thought about it some more and realized. i have this whole time been practicing Paying Attention To Being In A Body and trying to work it into my writing and framing it to myself as an exercise for the purposes of improving something i am bad at, and . at some point. i guess i got better at it and did not update my mental model of my own abilities to match this change! that was fun and weird and surprising!

[scaryfaggot]

i was going to do a long anonymous message but you would literally sus it out immediately. Well let’s put that to the test i suppose…… i’ll try to refrain from using key words. MY MESAAGE: in 2021 when i first started to become friends with you lot i chose a few of you and sent you all a bunch of nice messages on anon at the same time because i was cringe. and in my notes app i found at least the draft of the one i wrote for you… i’m not sure i ever sent it bc it was literally just after we had become acquainted. but you were still one of the Few people i drafted a message for. and it says as follows: “i want you to know i think you’re really cool. it slightly intimidates me. despite your habit of senseless verbal harassment (joke.) you have been quite welcoming to me and i really appreciate it. idk why we approach each other in the way that we do but i consider you a friend. maybe even a [KEY WORD].”. it is crazy to think that from our first interaction you immediately declared me as such and were so welcoming to me despite literally fucking having me blocked the hours beforehand especially bc i know you can be shy around people you have barely interacted with and we had not at all. sometimes i know i am admittedly a bit mean to you maybe EVEN THOUGH I ENVER MEAN TO BE… i am just a very teasing friend. but i hope you feel that you always feel you belong with me and our friends as much as i feel i belong with you. i use the word belonging a lot because it is something i notably never felt with the friends i had growing up and something i yearned to find and thought i would be searching for my entire life until i met you and our friends . i remember one time asking one of my closest old friends if she felt she belonged within our little friend group growing up and the genuine yes she answered made me feel like there was a glass wall between me and everyone else. i hope you never feel that way with us but if you do sometimes it is okay. it is hard not to feel alone sometimes . but feel alone with your brother <- fuck it when you can stand to let yourself. i remember in early 2022 it was. january 7th i think when i was depressed my damn crush was cold shouldering me (YES HER.) and we had that stupid fucking conversation where we ranked Something i will not be saying and the whole HA! bit came about. and i remember thinking That night “wilbur is one of my best friends”. i cant even recall how regularly we would dm at that time. i think it was a decent amount but regardless we just happened to that night. now it is daily. and it is unsettling to have days where we don’t talk <- i know we can’t when u work and i am like passed out ill some days but whenever i realize we have not talked i’m like fuckkkk. Anyways. i’m not even drunk right now i just reminisce so much about it all…. it all feels like from a different life time. those days. tommyinnit…. Fuck. i think about you and our friends every day. every morning when i get up and when i’m driving and looking out into the distance of the flat empty midwest. i know any direction i look one of you could be out there. it makes me cry. i am so happy to have you. i like that we are under the same clouds a lot of times. i like that you are four hours from me. never doubt i will meet you even if it is years from now. i will fucking track you down if i have to. this is the gayest fucking shit i have possibly ever written in my life. Well i hope that affirms how much you mean to me. Faggot

OHHHHH MYYYYY GODDDDSDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BROTHER UUUUAUUGGHHH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ weeps openly