#writing the inbetweens of a story i always the hardest part of writing for me tbh

[henriiiii-1001old]

any fun lil interactions in unholy gift youve been thinking about but havent been able work into things yet?

its more of what happens inbetween volumes tbh. like, i can write down everything that happens for each volume, but it's like. what goes inbetween them is where i struggle.

like, at least half the plot as of right now is between vols 2 and 4, and its just. weird ig LMAO

making a full plot draft is definitely gonna help make a cohesive story though. im trying not to do too much rn bc i want to make sure if i feel the need to add upcoming volumes to the lore, so ye

though there is one thing in particular i am not sure how to fully implement: evelin.

idk why but i am STRUGGLING to give her character development. her and jonah specifically. mark kinda as well. i wannahave a b plot w the three of them to explore more of the alts' side, but with the setup i have for plot right now, i can't really do that and it's just so difficult bc i wanna like. put them as important characters too and have them interact and augghhhh why is writing so hardddd <////////3

[mobagehelllocal]

“lucky ending” extra notes i & iii

Hi, I said I would do it but then I released ver i so long ago that I felt I shouldn't do this unless I had another version out at least so yay! finally! ... I'll add ver ii here when I get around to writing it... *shifty eyes* So as usual, this is just my thought process and ideas while writing lol.

*please do not read if you haven’t read “lucky ending” ver i (dorm leaders) & ver iii (rook & lilia).

It was inspired by an anon ask and the button tradition from Japanese schools.

The anon ask went like this: First at all, I like do much your writing and I hope you are doing well. Second, I was wondering what would happen if the MC (Fem!s/o I guess) decided to not go back to her world, like she decide stay with her villain? Can you do make headcanons of this for the dorm leaders? Thank you very much. – from Anonymous

The button tradition, as narrated by the first years, is done when one person confesses and the other responds by giving them the button closest to their heart. In most Japanese uniforms it’s the second uniform, but in Twisted Wonderland--I looked at the ceremonial robes and the closest button should be the fifth. Maybe. I could be wrong. 

The songs I listened to while writing this! 

The original dorm leaders (and Rook) was written while listening to “Lucky Ending”, the ending theme of Fruits Basket. The English lyrics (translated by otenkiame!) are: 

“Change is important. I want to do it well,/ but I wanna cry. It's still bad. I wanna cry” 

“The word "goodbye" has disappeared completely from this world/ All that remains is me fooling around next to you/A day you don't laugh won't come anymore”

“I've understood it since being here/ These feelings of wanting to protect you aren't a misunderstanding/ If we can call what connects us bonds,/ everything changes/ everybody changes/ Even if in a different world, it'll never be different/ everything changes/ everybody changes/ Don't change, ever/ Stay here, stay here”

I think it’s obvious why I chose to use this as the title of the series. It’s a story about change but it’s also a story about the things you don’t want to change... And I think it’s not wrong to want to hold onto things. 

I also listened to the same playlist that I listened to while writing “wendy?” “hello peter pan”:

“Can’t help falling in love” cover by Annapantsu, “If you’re not the one” by David Beddingfield, “Who Knew” by P!nk and “All Too Well” by Taylor Swift. 

For Lilia in particular, I was listening to three Beauty and the Beast songs on loop. “Evermore” by Josh Groban, “Days in the Sun” by the live action cast and, of course--”How does a moment last forever” by Celine Dion.

“How does a moment last forever?/ How can a story never die?/ It is love we must hold onto/ Never easy, but we try/ Sometimes our happiness is captured/ Somehow, our time and place stand still/ Love lives on inside our hearts and always will”

Also for Lilia, Tolerate It by Taylor Swift.

“You're so much older and wiser and I/ I wait by the door like I'm just a kid”

“I made you my temple, my mural, my sky/Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life”

Malleus was definitely the first piece finished. Closely followed by Vil’s. I believe there was a gap inbetween them before I did the others? I wrote bits and pieces of Leona, Idia, Kalim and Azul’s. I think I finished Leona, Idia, Kalim then Riddle because I distinctly remember saving Azul for last. 

One of the most important things for me, is that each story stands distinct of each other. So I gave myself a really hard time trying to figure out how each one uniquely belonged to each of the characters.

For the Prologue... I think because it’s set at the graduation of certain characters, I used that to my advantage and implied the stronger bonds between the Yuu!Reader and the entirety of the cast. Because a lot of time has passed and I feel like--regardless of what other people believe, bonds will be made and relationships will have strengthened enough for it to happen. 

Riddle is honestly another really difficult character for me to write. I generally do love him and I enjoy his story, but something about him is difficult and I’m not sure why. 

I think a part of me is also really miffed because from Heartslabyul-Savanaclaw, you could feel that Riddle really cared for Yuu on some level but then he just straight up disappears come Octavinelle chapter. I feel like there was potential to develop their relationship even more. 

He WENT UP AND TIED YOUR RIBBON I REMEMBER I WENT DOKI DOKI OVER THAT. 

I feel like because I’ve established that it’s a Yuu!Reader, it’s impossible for this story to not include both Ace and Deuce. So of course they featured in really big roles for this one, being responsible for telling Riddle the story.

I have to thank my friend, Mes, for bouncing ideas with me. They were the one who suggested what I could do with Riddle’s story by having ADeuce play such a big part!

I also tried my hardest to include Trey and Cater, and I’m pretty happy with their cameo. In a way, they definitely helped Riddle figure out his own feelings for you. 

My favourite lines are: “I think you earned that much. I don’t believe anyone’s ever been in your situation before so—there’s no right or wrong about what you’re doing. It’s all about what you want to do.”

I wish someone would tell this to Yuu in general though. They’re the only one who has ever been in their situation (to our knowledge at least) and like... they’re definitely allowed to be even more selfish. 

Leona is someone who I used to dislike a lot. I never hid that. It’s primarily because of how disappointed I am in the story of Savanaclaw probably. But like, I was always concerned about writing him properly because I thought that it was only right that I did right by him, because there would be people reading these stories who loved him. And I felt like I had to do right by that love. 

I think... it’s wrong to believe that characters... villains... cannot fall in love or “won’t fall in love.” I think it’s wrong also to think that “people don’t change for love.” 

In fact, people do change. You definitely shouldn’t change yourself to be loved, but... people change all the time to be their “better” selves. So whose to say that a good person, who you love, will not make you want to improve yourself? Isn’t that what we want when we meet people? To fall in love with someone who will ultimately make you better and never worse. 

Or so that’s how I try to write the Twisted characters when they fall in love... With an understanding that “morally” the person they are falling for is “kind” and “good” and how a part of them might just want to be better just for that person. (Especially Leona and Azul). They don’t necessarily have to be nice to everyone, but if they can be better for one person... We stan healthy character growth.  

But yeah, Leona is driven by understanding that he’s a very selfish person. But that he’s also very unfortunate and he doesn’t want tie you with someone who, he thinks, is actually worthless. He probably, deeply, thinks you deserve more.

Though his selfishness eventually wins out and well... Won’t you forgive him for it? :) For tying you down to this worthless second prince? 

I think his own self-awareness does make him try harder. Not for everyone or everything... but for you. Just for you. I think that would be Leona’s love language--spending time with you, trying for you.

He’d appreciate if you didn’t call him out on it though, that would be very embarrassing. 

Looking back, I’m surprised that it was the only version where none of the other boys from his dorm showed up lol. Which means Ruggie is the sole character who has yet to appear in the “lucky ending” series, huh.

My favourite lines from his story that still leaves me breathless and patting my past self in the back: ““I’m home—” you said—even if a part of you felt that home should have been two green eyes, a cocky smirk, and a warm patch of sunlight on the grassy ground.”

Like honestly, what was I on? Who was she?

Azul is, like Leona, someone who is so keenly aware of the things he’s lacking. In fact, he’s someone who thinks he’s lacking when he’s probably perfect in some aspects. He might act proud but a part of him--I think--thinks its not enough. It’s never enough. He can certainly do better still.

In that light, it’s why he thinks he’s undeserving of a partner. Especially one who is “kind” and “understanding.” While ultimately, Azul deserves people in his life who are that and “accepting” of him--I think he still thinks he doesn’t. 

And thats why he lets go of the Yuu!Reader. It’s why he doesn’t “chase” after her like Leona did.

It’s because he’s selfish, because he wants her--that he forces himself to let go. 

Azul needs someone who’ll tell him that he is worth something and that he’s definitely worth the effort. So please praise him a lot until he’s crying in happiness. I’m sure it’s the one thing he’s always wanted to hear from people around him.

Also my Poly!Octavinelle Agenda has never died and I am pleased Past!Ai got away with so much Poly!Octa hints in this story lol. But honestly, regardless of wht Octavinelle says... god, you can tell they genuinely care about each other.

I recently rewatched Octavinelle’s chapter and... by god, the amount of things I missed out on first watch. Jade’s concern when he realized Azul wanted to get rid of that photo... The fact Floyd was so willing to drop the fight to return to Azul too... Anyways, Poly!Octa Agenda for life.

Favourite lines: “Azul’s pathetic whimpers turned into guttural sobs. His fingers spread to cover his eyes—and his glasses slid off his face, down to his lap and then to the ground—at his actions. His whole body shook as he cried his heart out.”

It’s not as poetic as a lot of my other favourites, but for some reason these lines always get me when I reread them. There’s something so visceral about it. 

Azul’s piece is probably the least visually stimulating out of all these stories? His was so emotionally driven compared to the others and I worried a lot about that.

I think I remember I was crying so badly as I was writing this. 

Kalim is really hard for me because I feel like I struggle a lot with finding conflict in his character? He’s such a genuinely nice person, I find it hard to believe that the Yuu!Reader would feel alienated from him or something. So I brought in “environment” to get in the way. 

My use of celestial imagery for Kalim is because of the Scarabia trailer! I really loved how it put Kalim as the sun and Jamil as the moon. I definitely will take advantage of that when I get around to writing for Jamil.

So because I wanted to use the sun, I chose to use the idea of comets for Kalim? I think I remember something about how meteors are drawn to the gravitation pull of the sun and can “escape” it or “be destroyed” by it. Haha, hot. 

Jamil is someone who ultimately cares about Kalim too and I had fun writing his banter with the Yuu!Reader. I think I wanted to decribe the shadows licking his face reminscent to the marks from his Overblot but... I felt like doing that would give Jamil too much focus so I ultimately decided against it.

It would’ve been hot though. 

Oh yes, one thing I wanted to talk about is Kalim’s rushed proposal. I remember people talking about it in the tags, comments... even in asks at that time. The reason he does it is because he’s someone who didn’t realize his feelings until you spelled out your own. It was a sort of: “Oh. Right. That is the word I’d use to describe my feelings.” 

My favourite lines from his story is: “How does one bid goodbye to the sun?” and “No one ever willingly bids goodbye to the sun.They spend the rest of their lives trying to find the right way back to it.”

My god, who was this genius.

Vil is probably the most visually stunning out of all these stories. I feel like my stories go from super vivid imagery and setting to just complete emotional disasters lol. (Vil being the former and Azul’s being the latter... not that it’s bad, it actually suits the characters). 

Oh man, I remember thinking that Vil is such a hard character to write because we don’t know what his motivation for perfection is. All we knows is that he wants to be the best but, why? 

It’s like, for example, Idia. His motivations could be otaku-related. He doesn’t want to go to class because he’d rather go play or something. That sounds in character--but Vil was so hard because he wanted perfection.

But we already see him as such a perfect character, so what else did he need to be even more perfect? In that light, Chapter 5 did a really good job on presenting Vil’s motivations. 

But honestly, I think I can comfortably say that the Vil I’ve written so far is pretty accurate? To his character. I’m really grateful I read his chat lines because his comment about intelligence really got me thinking about his possible motivations. It made it really easy to understand that Vil wasn’t like majority of the real world’s influencers. 

One other thing that I was really happy about with his story is the use of the flower language. It’s something I hope I can use more because it’s so beautiful. 

Oh! And the roses the Yuu!Reader talks about are double delight roses. They are specifically bred to have two colors--yellow in the center and pink on the outside. I thought it fitting that the Yuu!Reader breed special roses for Vil.

They can be called... err... Vil Roses?

My favourite lines from his story is:  ““My happiness will not be dictated by others—no, Vil Schoenheit is a person who will grasp happiness with his own hands.” [...] “I’m giving you this button because I’ve already found happiness by your side.”” 

This line was actually inspired by Zelda C.W.’s MYth series. Specifically Hera’s story, Will. 

Idia ...for him, I somehow had a very hard time imagining him trying to tell the reader to stay. Like that didn’t compute for me? I felt like his version was better approached in a more comedic light somehow. 

I also felt that it would be cuter if the Yuu!Reader had already chosen to stay and Idia would need to hastily retrack his confession... Unfortunately, Yuu!Reader won’t let him. 

Honestly looking back on it, I wonder how much of Chapter 6 is going to make me scream and want to rewrite Idia’s part? 

My favourite lines from his story is: “He was never particularly good at lying—nor was he good at keeping secrets from you. You were a person he considered a dear friend—and he was always the type of person who ended up spilling everything to you. He liked being able to talk about the things he enjoyed—he liked that he had found someone who wanted to hear him out.”

A lot of my interpretation for Idia is closely linked to personal experience as an anime, manga and gaming fan. It was just a couple of years ago where people would actually be bullied for liking these things--but nowadays its become a norm. It’s... stunning actually but it makes me happy to know that maybe nobody will be judged for loving anime.

That being said, Idia’s longing to find someone he can talk to is something I really relate too--back then, it was so difficult to find someone to talk to about my interests... So I interpreted Idia as much the same. That what he enjoys about the Yuu!Reader is their ability to simply sit and listen to him talk. 

Malleus... man, recently I’ve been starting to fall in love with him all over again. He was my first oshi ever... Anyways, moving on. You think I’ve talked enough about immortal x mortal but nope, we are not done. I love this theme in general, romantic or platonic. 

I will never shut up about it you can’t make me. 

Sebek having a good enough friendship with Yuu!Reader is such a delicious concept. Like mutual respect and Sebek understanding that Yuu!Reader gives Malleus a different type of companionship that Sebek, Silver or Lilia couldn’t... 

And also, ultimately, Sebek and Yuu!Reader do love Malleus. In different ways, but I like the thought of Sebek respecting that and respecting the Yuu!Reader.

Me realizing just now that Silver joins Ruggie in the: “has never appeared in a lucky ending fic club.”... Sorry Silver, I swear soon. Once we get more content on you.

Celestial themes for Malleus are primarily, again, because he only ever seemed to meet you at night. And I thought it would be wonderful, if you were a bright spark to him. 

Favourite lines are definitely:  “Oh, bright light… I would prefer to live the rest of your life by your side… rather than spend centuries contemplating what it could have felt… to hold you in my arms.”

I am, always, going to be such a big sucker for the idea of immortals constantly remembering and loving mortals. Always holding them close in their memories, because in that way--their lovers have become immortal with them. 

I also like to imagine that he eventually figures out a way to connect your worlds together so you can still talk to your friends and family from that world. He is one of the most powerful magicians around, I’m sure its possible.

Rook was honestly the most difficult piece for me to write because he’s so hard(?) for me to understand. He’s a mess of contradictions honestly and I... guess I’m excited to see what he’ll do come Chapter 6. 

I actually rewrote his story so much. I got about 500 words with a different idea/plot in mind before deleting that completely and restarting from scratch. 

I feel like Rook is someone who talks big and talks about love without actually knowing what it truly might feel like. He’s someone who doesn’t understand it and ends up mistaking it for his fascination. 

Aside from me enjoying inserting other characters from the same dorm as much as possible, I felt that Vil was the perfect person to snap some sense into Rook.

Epel’s appearance there is basically to reflect how much I really hope the first year kids get really close to one another. 

Rook is also someone who I think, doesn’t try to explain himself too much. He’s someone who I think talks a lot, but if people don’t understand him then he doesn’t need to be understood? That’s my impression. Lol, when “lucky ending” became a character study. 

I also really loved the idea that Rook was fine with people running from him--to him that makes it all the more thrilling. But then you start running away from him and that just ends up making dread pool in his stomach. 

My favourite lines from his story: “‘When something ends, it must be sad. So, tell me then, how an ending could be so beautiful?’ [...] .‘But there was one ending that was beautiful, non?’ [...] ‘That’s right. ‘They lived happily ever after’—are those not the words that define a beautiful ending?’”

I used the dusk metaphor for Rook. My idea is that he starts seeing dusk as an ending and how he can’t fathom how any “ending” is beautiful. When a story ends, it’s not beautiful to him, humu. But when that ending is the happily ever after then... That makes all the difference. 

Lilia was actually easier than Rook’s but also fairly difficult. I had written the middle of Lilia’s piece while stumped on Rook’s actually. Lilia’s was probably easier because I love the idea of immortals and mortals.

I don’t really like the idea of mortals becoming immortals. Like, yes, it’s certainly sweet and spending eternity with a one true love is definitely the best possible ending but... I think there’s so much weight in an immortal choosing to love a mortal while knowing that they will ultimately lose them.

The biggest theme for Lilia is definitely time.

Thinking about it now... There’s been a lot of things in real life that’s just... Made me think about how we have less time than we actually think we have. And I think I ended up channeling that through Lilia... Though I feel like it is ultimately things Lilia would think about though. 

The most important imagery would probably be the stars.

I honestly wanted to avoid it because I used celestial imagery for both Kalim and Malleus but the words just flowed out in a way that I felt that I couldn’t replace. So I went with it. 

Lilia is no stranger to loneliness. One of the reasons he feels less alone is because he has family now and he doesn’t want to rob you of that. Family is so important to him because they are people who are meant to be with you--they are people who will make you less lonely--or so thats how I think? he thinks. 

My favourite lines from his story: “He would relish in the way—You made the world pause. You made a moment extend into an eternity. You made an immortal crave just a little more time.”

I’m so immensely proud of this one? I don’t really have much else to say. There’s something so raw about it that I love. Also the part where it continues on to say that  “Because there is never enough time.”

Me realizing my extra notes is just half me simping over these characters, half sharing headcanons, have actually giving good advice? perspective?, half song lyrics, half character study/analysis?

“lucky ending” is about change. Whether we want them to happen or not it’s... the human condition to change. For better or worse, we change--day by day. I think we all operate under a small panic about how everyday things are changing...

But “lucky ending” is also about the things that don’t change. Won’t change. Will never change. The things worth holding onto, the thing worth fighting for... or so I’d like to think.

[insfiringyou]

How much time do you dedicate to writing specifically for this blog?

Do you both write or one writes, one illustrates? I ask just because the voice/style through your stories is so consistent and cohesive it’s hard to believe it’s two different people!

Do you already have mapped out where you want your couples storylines to go, or do you get inspired randomly and just take the story in that direction?

Which couple do you want to post for next?

What’s the hardest part of your process? Realistic dialogue? Plot? Coming up with a satisfying yet open ended conclusion?

- I love your stories, you might be the most underrated blog in this fandom and I’m so happy I found it. 💜

It used to be that I'd post at least one new fic every week a few years ago, but these days it's less often, mainly because we meet us less frequently these days (Covid, work, life :( )

I check it a few times a day for new asks etc.

When we meet up we usually outline 2 or more fics per time, plus a few of the mlt lists, except when it is a much longer fic. Fics usually take me a day or two to actually write up. Admin N longer as she is more descriptive in her writing. We both write. I'd say it's an 80/20 split these days, with me (admin M) doing more writing and Admin N exclusively doing the artwork, though the girls of course are both of our vision.

It's good you can't tell who wrote what because I totally can :') There are a few fics where we both wrote on it, and I can always tell which parts are mine or hers.

We know certain key events for each couple, but sometimes inspiration strikes and we come up with some of the inbetween bits. For example, believe it or not, when we outlined the V x Cass roleplay fic, it was going to originally be a straightforward smut, and when writing it took on a sinister turn and we ended up breaking them up! What followed with the baby etc. wouldn't have happened had we not changed course in that moment.

The next fic will either be RMxJi-eun or J-HopexNana. Probably the latter.

The dialogue is the easiest part. The hardest part is actually writing up our notes (dialogue, actions etc.) into an actual fic. The plot and dialogue is always pretty easy for us.

Thank you!!! This means a lot! :)

[gideongrace]

Talking amongst ourselves - fanfic writer interviews: @ihni

(Originally, these interviews were done more conversationally, but this interview is a LONG one! So I edited it down for tumblr. You can read the whole unedited, uncut interview over on a03! There are pictures involved. :)

Please say your first name, your age, your pronouns, the fandoms you write for and provide a link to your a03. You can also mention your sexual orientation or other details, if you'd like.

 Ihni:

My real name is Moa, but I go by Ihni online. On AO3, I have an account under Ihni (https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihni) but that's for rhymes (and doodles). I only wrote rhymes/poetry for a long time, and when I started writing fic, I wanted to put that under another pen name. I was NOT comfortable writing stories for YEARS. Now, though, I don't care. So, I write fics under the pen name Thei (https://archiveofourown.org/users/thei/).

It's all Stranger Things, these days. Harringrove (because I love the fandom and I like the two of them interacting) and Billy-centric (because I love his character, SO MUCH).

I am ace and aro, so my fics tend to not contain any sex (I have ALLUDED to it a couple of times, but that's basically as far as I go). I am also just as happy to write fics without any romantic or sexual relationships at all. Billy and Steve can be buddies only, as far as I'm concerned.

How do you feel about being aroace when so much of fanfic is all about romance and sex?

Ihni:

I live by the tried and tested rule of "don't like, don't read". 

There is a lot of romance in our fandom, for sure. But it's not like it's lovey-dovey IN OUR FACE romance, you know? 97% of Harringrove fics are two dumb boys who are bad at communication and who can't deal with Feelings. And I fucking live for that! Also, even the lovey-dovey fluffy romance stuff is cute, when it's them. I may not want a relationship for myself, but I don't mind at all if the boys are in one! (If they want it, they deserve it <3)

And as for sex ... well. I can read about sex, if it's well written or if it furthers the plot. If it's too graphic, I tend to scroll past it though, or just skim through it. It doesn't... give me a lot? I guess. Like, it's not like I read "smut" in the tags and go "oooh I have to read this!" - rather the opposite, in fact. I can read it, but it's not something I actively look for, and when I stumble upon it, I don't always read all of it. If I know the writer, I'll probably read through it to honor their work, though.

I just won't ever leave a "omg that was so hot!" comment! XD If someone expects that from me, they'll be disappointed (and I'm constantly terrified of disappointing or offending people for NOT commenting on their smut).

Basically, I am the master of my own fandom experience, and if something makes me uncomfortable I will keep away from it. Simple as that.

More people should live by that rule.

What's your writing process like?

 Ihni:

Uuuuuuuugh.

That's an interpretation of my writing process.

No, but.

I usually get SUPER INSPIRED to write a specific scene, or concept... and THAT part goes well, but then I have to build a STORY around it, and that takes SUCH A LONG TIME and SO MUCH EFFORT!

And also, usually, it gets out of hand.

I usually have to force myself to get the words in, honestly. And also, I get real tired of what I'm writing, real fast. So I have to force myself to finish (I have a few WIPs that are more than a year in the making...) before moving on to other things. (And I usually write the other things inbetween, anyway.)

I get easily distracted, when I write. Like, actually sitting down and writing takes an hour and a half. Then I MIGHT write for like twenty minutes, lol.

Cold Turkey Writer was a godsend XD.

If I have internet on while I'm writing, not a lot will be written, let's just ... let's just say that.

How do you edit?

Ihni:

HAHAHAHAHAHAA

Erm.

Well.

Sometimes, I read through it once, and change a few things, and let that be it.

In a couple of cases, for the longer ones, I have actually made an effort to read through it more than once. (The problem being that by then, I'm so sick of it that I will skim through it just to get it over with.)

A couple of times, a friend has read through it for me, and given me pointers. Which is VERY HELPFUL! But they've offered to do it for me, I would never ask it of someone.

And about the editing process ... I check for spelling mistakes, or when something sounds wrong, or looks wrong ... and then I fix it, so it looks and sounds better in my head. I don't know. That's editing, right?

What fanfic authors do you admire?

Ihni:

In the Harringrove fandom, I have to mention LEMONLOVELY, because I'm in love with the way she writes Billy, and the way she's shaping her fics as she goes, and the way her attention to detail brings a whole mood (I am OBSESSED with her "Words Left Unsaid" fic, and am probably that fic's biggest fan).

LYMRICKS, because fucking hell, they sure can write a fic that draws you in. There's something about long sentences in combination with short sentences that really makes them easy to read, and the language is like a punch to the gut, at times.

CALLIEB, because I love their stories and I'm currently following "Second Thoughts" and I love how they write everyone like ... like they're holding their breath, waiting for something.

And I'm not even gonna mention any others by name because I'm terrible with names and I'm bound to forget someone and I'm just, I don't want to do that. Our fandom is full of talented writers, and I just. If I've commented on your fic, I read through all of it and I liked it. If I haven't - well, I HAVE been writing more lately = less time to read, and I have like 100 fic tabs open on all of my devices ... I hope to get there, some time!

In other fandoms, let me mention PeaceHeather (for how they write Loki and that world), aloneintherain (such good whump!), isaDanCurtisproduction (the absolute best Spideypool!) and gaelicspirit (who writes lovely angsty whumpy Musketeers fics). Like. Just to mention 0.01%, or something.

I don't think any of them, particularly, have impacted my style - because I don't HAVE a style - but I soak up every word of every fanfic I ever read, and if one sentence is a particularly pretty string of words, I will copy & paste it into a word document that is now 170 pages long, or screenshot it to keep it forever. ❤️

Words. <3

What's your favorite story of yours?

What's your least favorite story of yours?

What's your favorite line you've ever written?

Ihni:

Like, in what SENSE? Even though I know my writing isn't up to par, they're still my babies. Still my creations. I love them in different ways! Like. I love "Coming Back" because it was the longest I had written back then, and it's probably the one I am most pleased about, writing-wise, and it's also the one I went through and edited the most. So it feels like the one I worked the most on.

I love "Toy Soldiers" because it was a totally self-indulgent piece of writing that I wrote for the joy of it, and because I wanted to read it and no one else was about to write it for me.

I love "About Apologies" because something about it pleases me, it was an experiment that didn't fail, and I like it more and more with time.

I love "Less of a mistake, more of a miscalculation" because I had fun while writing it, and it turned out kind of like I wanted it to, plot-wise.

I love "Actions and reactions", because I had no idea what I was doing back then, but I still did it, and somehow it got long and I still don't know how that happened.

And I realise that this makes me sound a little self-centered, but I worked hard on them. I love them, even if they're my ugly and imperfect babies. And even if I cringe if I re-read certain parts XD

I guess my least favorite story of mine (and I'm guessing we're talking Stranger Things things here?) is "Not unusual" because a) I never re-read it and b) it was the start of something that I have to actually FINISH at some point and ugh, that was not the original plan. If we're talking least favorite stories in all fandoms, then definitely "In which there are mistakes made", which was a Teen Wolf fic, and the reason why I don't do WIPs anymore. The last chapter was written simply to fucking END it, and ugh, I hate it.

The favorite line I've ever written ...? I don't know. Are we talking in fic? Because I write my best stuff in comments, honestly. :p I don't think I have an answer for that one, actually. Sorry :S

What part of writing is easiest for you?

What part of writing is hardest for you?

 Ihni:

Easiest? Dialogue. I like dialogue. Like, as a non-English speaker I can at least imagine a plausible exchange of words, and banter, and make it sound somewhat realistic, I imagine.

Hardest? The rest. Like, some people are just fucking WIZARDS with words, can write these long descriptive sentences that perfectly sets the mood for when a character gracefully moves across the room ... whereas I am just, "He stood up and walked over. End of fucking story."

What do you do when you're struggling for inspiration?

Ihni:

Give up?

Or do something else.

Or go and read. (That's basically the same as giving up.)

Or, if I'm still writing, I go to another part of the story and write THAT, and hope that I'll feel like connecting the two pieces, later.

Inspiration is a bitch.

Who introduced you to fandom and when?

Ihni:

Oh god. I am old. I don't remember. 

I started writing stories when I was real young, and I was always reading something. I started writing stories with my friends when I was a teenager. Then we discovered the internet (yes, this was around the time when we got internet access in school and at home, told you I was old!) and when doing that, I guess we found more like-minded people.

Fanfics ... weren't an organized thing, back then. But I've been reading them, and been in fandoms, ever since I discovered that there were people online who liked the same things that I liked.

I would say, actively, from maybe around 19-20 years old? Like, that was ACTIVE fandom-ing.

What is your advice to fellow writers?

How often do you jump between fandoms?

How long have you been writing?

Ihni:

As a WRITER, I am not the best person to give advice to writers, I think. I'd rather TAKE advice than give it, at this point.

As a READER, my advice is to WRITE, WRITE, WRITE, because you are doing a good thing and you are creating a version of a world that is yours, versions of characters that you can shape into anything, and SOMEONE out there will love you for it (probably me).

I jump between fandoms ... hmm, as a WRITER? Seldom. Billy's my jam and I'm not moving.

As a READER? All the time. I mean, I'm pretty deep into Harringrove and Billy and Stranger Things, but sometimes I need something light-hearted, and then I go back to some of my basic fandoms, and read something else. I will never run out of things to read. 

❤️

And how long have I been writing? FOREVER. I wrote when I was young, and thought I was going to be an author (wrote in Swedish, back then). Then I wrote when I was a teen, for fun. Then I stopped writing. Then I started writing rhymes, in English, because it was a craft I could do and train in, and it was short pieces. And only in recent years (very recent), have I started writing fics. And now, I write long-ass fics in English, so I guess I have at least come a long way!

Why do you write?

Ihni:

...

I just sat and stared at the screen for a good ten seconds.

I'd say that it differs.

Sometimes, I write because I want to READ something and no one has written it (or is going to).

Sometimes, I write because I want a very specific thing or feeling, and it doesn't exist yet.

Sometimes, I write because I am inspired.

Sometimes, I write because I want to.

Sometimes, I write because of a deadline.

Sometimes, I write because there's something in my head that Won't Leave Me The Fuck Alone until I get it out.

Sometimes, I write for fun.

Sometimes, I write because I want to hurt.

Sometimes, I write because I need to.

Sometimes, I write because I want to become better at it; learn; reach towards the writers whose work I love.

And sometimes, I just sit and stare at a document, don't write a single fucking word, and go watch a movie instead.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I would like to ask all the numbers for back to the bleed, but if thats too much i will be happy with 2 and 5. Pretty please and thanks 💜

Oh what the hell, lets do them all. I’m just waiting for a plane anyway.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

I planned on writing a different sequel (which I’m still going to do) that followed the comics path more closely. After Countdown, Flashpoint happened and folded the WildStorm verse into the main continuity. Apollo and Midnighter remember the time with Jason and when they break up, with nothing better to do, they kind of go looking for him to see how he’s doing. Obviously Midnighter finds Dick working with Spyral instead. But Apollo does find Jason (because that’s awesome juxtaposition and it should have happened in the comics...) and then the Red Hood & Arsenal bit from DC YOU doesn’t happen.

Anywho, Return to the Bleed - Jason having powers and returning to the WildStorm verse - was because of comments on Into the Bleed and Hate’s Such a Strong Word. 

2: What scene did you first put down?

I pretty much always write from beginning to end. There are a few exceptions but this isn’t one of them. The first scene I wrote is the first one you see 😊

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

As he watches Bruce tell him, again, how inadequate he has always been--from beyond the grave this time--he tries to harden himself against the way his heart shatters. 

Or maybe:

When was the last time someone didn’t try to tell him how broken he was?

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

Easy...

“I don’t like it when you treat me like I’m fragile,” the superpowered, invulnerable, sun god objects, “There’s no need to be so delicate with your words. Just say what you have to say, and do it straight

“Fuck that. I don’t do anything straight,” Midnighter jokes.

5: What part was hardest to write?

So far? The second half of chapter two.

I wanted them to fuck. They insisted on talking 😔

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Um... probably M and Apollo. I love those guys. It’s crazy how much more affection and emotional intelligence they’re capable of compared to the Bats. Frankly, Jason isn’t the only one who would benefit from a relationship with one or both of them (platonic or otherwise).

I forget which part it was in but I described Apollo as the world’s deadliest teddy bear and, even though Midnighter hides it better, the same goes for him. Juxtaposing them with the no-kill-ever Batfam is crazy. Because these two are unapologetic killers of the worst of the worst and part of the reason they aren’t bothered by those lengths is their insane amounts of empathy. Next to them the Bats look like self righteous jerks who place more weight on their rule than actually protecting people.

7: Where did the title come from?

Well, Into the Bleed came from the WildStorm verse’s term for the inbetween space contecting different universes. It’s the Bleed that the Countdown crew were using to travel between worlds.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Nope.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

None written. Yet. There’s going to be an alt ending fic. See #1

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Because it’s a sequel to the first fic with this pairing lol. But I picked Midnighter/Apollo/Jason initially because they meet in a Countdown tie-in and I wanted to see them interact more given that The Authority isn’t shy about killing villains and that exact trait is what makes Jason an outcast in his own family.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Getting Jason some much needed validation from people who understand him and don’t think that he’s a bad person.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

The superpower. It’s fun and WildStorn operates differently than the main superhero verse and I don’t think any of the Bats could run with The Authority and the the shit they face and survive long without a power.

I just keep waffling on how I want it to work.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I listen to the Hozier station on Pandora.

Except, oh, the last month or so. I’ve had the BoP soundtrack on repeat nonstop since I bought it.

I’m not even joking. I don’t know how it hasn’t gotten old yet.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Not really?

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

That I love the dynamic between Jason and Midnighter and Apollo 😂

[berriestart--lilacsweet]

Once Bitten, Twice Shy Part 1.5

NEW CHAPTER!  

Regis and Evangeline get to know one another better as they travel. Eva reveals details about her past and how she longs for a family. Regis comforts her after she become bitter and takes her anger out on him. Adorable fluff and bonding.

AN: This take place while Regis and Eva are on the road. An inbetween bit. Instead of messying up what I already have posted by rearranging things I'll just put this here and it can serve as a flashback I guess. Anyways hope you all enjoy! I had alot of fun writing this one.

BY FIRELIGHT AND STARLIGHT

PART: 1.5

Evangeline and Regis rode hard and traveled fast, only stopping long enough to eat and get a few hours rest when need be. Every night, as more time past, they became better acquainted with one another. Regis spent a majority of the time finding various herbs and flowers then passed the night time hours sketching their likeness into a leather-bound journal. To pass the time during the day they would quiz one another on the medicinal properties of various plants. Occasionally, Evangeline would surprise Regis with unique uses of certain herbs or mushrooms and what roles they played in Witcher decoctions, potions and oils.

He sketched most evenings by the fire; twirling stems, leaves, and petals in his slender fingers. His renditions were impeccable; the empty space around his drawings were slowly, over time, filled in with his delicate scrawl.  

His herbaria included specimens of phytology (flora), mycology (Fungi), and phycology (Algae). He was particularly interested in ethnobotany (the study of flora and their individual uses according to the region’s people). His herbarium was divided into sections using standard taxonomy with binomial nomenclature (a standard system of identifying species of living things using two-part Latin names). He studied every specimen’s preferred ecology, and their anatomy; dutifully dissecting everything and drawing its likeness on the smooth paper in his book.  

Regis was very thorough with his work; ensuring that every page was legible and every spare section of space used as to what could aesthetically be allowed. The leather-bound journal was large; over three inches deep by sixteen inches tall and eleven inches wide. It took up the entirety of his lap while he worked.

One night in particular they were sitting around their campfire when Regis beckoned the Witcheress over.

“Tell me what you think.”

“About what?”  

“Come, come.” he motioned for her to take a seat beside him. He had his legs splayed out before him and his back to a moss-covered log. She gave him a puzzled look, hesitant to sit so close to the mysterious, yet interesting and attractive stranger. “I’d like you to look over these last few entries to ensure I haven't forgotten or omitted anything.”  

She nodded slowly, still contemplating whether or not she wanted to sit so near to him.  

“I don’t bite.” he jest, sensing her hesitation. She rolled her eyes and took a seat beside him. He let his arm rest behind her on the log and handed her the journal with his other hand. She settled the book into her lap and thumbed through its pages, lightly running her fingertips over the graphite lines.  

“These are beautiful. You’re a talented artist, Regis.” she mumbled as she continued to look over his work.  

He chuckled lightly. “Thank you. It’s... taken me a very long time to get his far.”  

“I couldn’t draw like this to save my life. But...” she ran her fingers over a drawing of a bleeding heart. “I used to paint watercolors... a very long time ago.”  

“Really now? Since when are witchers taught the fine arts?” he asked genuinely surprised.  

“... Before... I became a witcher... I was the daughter of a merchant. My father was rather wealthy; I was taught many things befit a proper lady... like painting.” Evangeline sighed, moving on to another drawing in his book.

“You were a merchant’s daughter, I never would have guessed that. What... If I may ask, happened for you to want to become a witcher?”

“That... is a very long story.” she sighed leaning back against the fallen tree with him.

“I don’t' have any place to be.” he shrugged.

She sighed and glanced up at him. He gave her a soft smile of encouragement; something she was discovering was very endearing about him. “Well, this story begins a long time ago, longer than I care to admit, actually.” she sighed again. “When I was sixteen my mother passed away. My father had a hard time coping with her death. So, we decided to travel for a while; go to some distant lands and bring back wonderous things to sell. So, we did, only on our return journey our caravan contracted a mysterious illness. One by one our party fell ill and died... My father and I were the only ones to survive. We were traveling thought the upper range of the blue mountains... Winter came early that year. We wandered thought the wilderness for weeks, abandoning our possessions and treasures along the way.  Meanwhile, my father contracted the illness... Finally, we came across a small path. It was hard to track but I managed it somehow; it led to the Witcher keep, Kaer Morhen.”

She sighed again and brushed hair from her face. She felt his gaze on her, so she avoided him staring down at the pages of his herberia instead of making eye contact.

“That's when I met the Witchers: Geralt and Vesemir; I'm sure you’ve heard tale of them. They were kind enough to help me with my father... They convinced the others to take us in. My father got worse though, there was nothing to do. He didn’t last the first week... I was alone, the only woman in a strong hold of about a hundred men. The elders wanted to toss me out, but Vesemir convinced them to let me stay until spring when they could escort me to Novigrad. So, I pitched in to earn my keep; cooked cleaned, did the laundry... It kept me busy but... I couldn’t resist the library.” she smiled at the memory. “I read a lot. Vesemir brought me new books often. I kept to myself, but still managed to draw the attention of some...” she sighed and shrugged. She felt Regis’ eyes boring into her, she grimaced and kept ignoring him, not wanting him to see her face as she spoke the rest of her tale.

“He tried to force himself on me, luckily for me though, Geralt was paying attention as well. He saved me. And offered to teach me how to defend myself. The next few months I learned all I could. I trained with Geralt as often as we could.” She chuckled before continuing. “He said I had a natural aptitude...” she swallowed hard before recommencing her story. “And he taught me fighting techniques only witchers use. One day, while training by the lake, we were attacked by a kraken. I... My body was broken.” She looked down at the palms of her hands and flexed them as she sighed. “Luckily, again, we were being watched. Vesemir and some of the trainees counter attacked and Geralt swam out and killed the creature; a few were injured in the battle, but … I was dying. Geralt and Vesemir decided they would put me through the trials of the grasses in an attempt to save my life. The Elders refused, but somehow Geralt convinced them, he’s rather good at that I suppose.” she laughed with a crooked grin. “He told them it’s what I would have wanted and they gave in. Surprisingly it worked. I lived, it affected me slightly different that the others.” she twirled her hair in her fingers as she spoke. “And... that's how I became... this.” she shrugged with a sigh.

Regis wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. “I had no idea you’d been through so much, Dear. You’re certainly the strongest woman I've her had the pleasure to have known... Thank you for sharing your life with me. I... I’ve a newfound respect for you.”  

She shook her head against his chest. “Doesn’t change anything. Still me.”

“Well, yes, but most people couldn’t even imagine going thought what you have. Let alone live through it. And, well, you’re one of the most famous witchers of our time. I’d day you adapted well.”

“I had to... I’ll admit it was hard at first... I had issues accepting the changes to my body... and lifestyle, but I was thankful to even be alive... I had to be.”  

Regis nodded and continued to hold her, running his hand through her hair. She let him. It was nice to have someone who wanted to listen to her; someone who held her as though they cared.  

“I think the hardest thing... Is growing older and knowing what all I missed out on... A family... Never being able to bare a child still hurts... Even after all the training and mutations... It's still a base instinct, want, need for a woman... Something that even witcher life couldn’t take away.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I know it's not the same... But you could always settle down and adopt. There's plenty of orphans in need of loving families after the war.”

Evangeline shook her head and sat upright. “Who would want a barren wife? Let alone a monster slayer... a murderer... for a wife?” she scoffed. “No, that'll never happen.” she muttered trying to stand up only to be pulled back down by Regis.  

“You might be surprised by what some men want, what some are open to, what some are willing understand and look past...” he said gazing into her eyes.

“Or men who feign those emotions and intentions only to use me as their mistress, because I can’t bare a child. I’ve been down that path before. I’m done trying to be normal Regis. Witchers aren’t meant to have families.” she said a bit harsher than she meant, pushing him away and rising to her feet.  

“That’s not true. Geralt has his family, surely you’ve heard of Ciri and Yennifer.”

She paused a moment. “Yes, I’ve heard of Geralt’s love of the sorceress Yennifer and their adoptive daughter, Crillia. Geralt’s situation is... unique. Beside women find witchers attractive; they’re mysterious and women can’t become pregnant from them. It’s the exact opposite of my situation. Men fear me. They fear those stronger than themselves, while most women welcome witchers to their beds... I’ve yet to find a man with similar intentions, normally they shun me, run me out as soon as the job’s done.”

“I assure you-”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Regis. I shouldn’t have said anything to begin with.” she growled sliding into her bedroll, her back to him. “This is why I don’t keep company.”  

“But Eva-”

“Just drop it, Regis. Go to sleep, we still have a long journey ahead.” she sighed, angry with him for pressing the topic and angry with herself for even opening up to him.  

“You can go on to sleep...” he said flatly. “I’m going for a stroll. You’re welcome to join me if you wish.” he stated as he walked away into the woods. Evangeline grunted and pulled the blanket up further around her shoulders.  

“Suit yourself.” she grumbled. He shook his head and ran a hand though the hair at the base of his neck.

“Why do witchers have to be so damn stubborn?” he thought out loud as he disappeared into the darkness of the forest.  Eva tossed and turned cursing herself for opening up to him, then for being so harsh with him. She ground her teeth. The cold earth beneath her penetrated her body as she forced herself to lay there trying her best to calm herself. She adjusted herself, moving some missed twigs out from under her and settled back down. Some time went by as she waited for his return, internally hoping he would come back sooner rather than later, hoping that he wouldn’t stay cross with her.  

“Damnit.” she muttered climbing out of her bedroll. “I won't be able to sleep until I apologize to him. She muttered as she grabbed her swords and followed his tracks into the woods. She traveled about half a mile before she spotted him in a small clearing. He sat on a large tree trunk looking up into the night sky.  

“I wondered how long it would take you.” he said not taking his eyes off the starry sky. He motioned for her to sit beside him. She smiled slightly and sighed before taking the vacant space beside him. “Sometimes I forget how lovely my surroundings can be. It’s beneficial to get a new perspective at times.”  

Evangeline nodded and gazed up at the stars with her companion. The sky was pitch black but littered with millions of little white, blue and red tinted specks. She didn’t remember the last time she had stopped to take in the beauty of the constellations. She felt at ease beside him; her anger having subsided she accepted the simple happiness of just sharing this experience with him.

“Eva... I’m quite sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to upset you.”  he muttered, turning to face her, breaking the silence between them.

She shook her head. “You have nothing to apologize for Regis. I’m the one who should be asking for your forgiveness. I over reacted.”  

He smiled softly down at her and wrapped his arm around her pulling her to his side again. “I shouldn’t have pushed the subject. I... I understand why you feel how you do... I’m not exactly welcome by most people either. It took you a while to warm up to me as well.”

“I’m sorry Regis. I’ve been an inconsiderate ass.” she said pulling away to look him in the eye as she apologized.

“I think we both are equally guilty. Call it even?” he asked. She nodded her head and allowed him to pull her to his chest again. She closed her eyes and savored the moment. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so kind to her. They sat there in silence simply enjoying one another’s company. Slowly he slipped his hand down to rest on her hip, she welcomed it.

“Regis?”

“Hmm?” he hummed lazily as his head rested atop hers.  

“Do you... Nevermind.”

“No, do I what?” he asked pulling back to look her in the face.

“I... I don’t know... Am I...” she shook her head and looked away suddenly afraid to ask her question; afraid of what his answer might be.

“I see.” he sighed pulling her back to him. He kissed the top of her head. “You don’t scare me.” he chuckled. “I think you're perfect the way you are. Don’t let any man make you feel otherwise.”

She closed her eyes and nodded. She took in his herby scent and hugged him. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it Dear.” he mumbled into her hair, as he ran his fingers through her long locks. They sat there in one another's arms for what felt like an eternity to Evangeline. She didn’t want to move from him, she wanted to stay wrapped in his strong arms entranced by his delightful scent until she fell asleep.  

“Come on.” he sighed stretching his arms above his head. “We’d best get a little sleep.” he said pulling her to her feet and walking back towards their camp. “Thank you for being open with me, about your life.” he said slipping his arm around her waist with a smirk and resting his head against hers. “Perhaps tomorrow I’ll tell you more about myself...”

“I’d like that.” she replied with a smile. Turning her face up to his. He caressed her cheek with his fingertips as he tucked her hair behind her ear.  

“I would as well.” He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the cheek. “Goodnight Eva. Get some rest.”

[blu-b]

Hi! For the ask-thingy! How ‘bout 2+3:tropes you wanna try and tropes you wouldn’t touch; 9:which fic was hardest to write;12:which fic inspires you most of all;35: dub/noncon -yea or nay?; and let’s end with 37:talk about your current WIPS! Whenever you have time,all or none! (ps-i was gonna ask about smut but because you have written some of my FAVORITE scenes of hotness it was kinda moot) Have a great day!!!

Thank you for these! :D

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Off the top of my head I can’t think of anything that stands out. I mean, I haven’t done the obligatory coffee shop AU for any fandom yet, and some of the other common tropes, so there’s still that ^^. But I can’t think of anything, you know, super extra that I’d say I definitely need to write one of those. 

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

I’m not sure if you can call it a trope or if it’s more of a genre of itself, but I’m not interested in / attracted to Alpha/Beta/Omega stuff and genderswap at all. Nothing makes me click the X faster than these two. That’s not to say I won’t dabble into intersex or gender issues in general, but I just don’t see the need to make a male character into a female one (or vice versa) just for the sake of it. That said, I do have a fic started where Loki is a woman, but there’s a reason for that and he’s not going to stay one for long ^^

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

I’ve answered that one here, but let me say that the second hardest to write was This Pain that numbs my Heart, because I really, really wanted to get the characters right in that one, and I wanted it to feel real, like something that could be in the gossip news tomorrow while at the same time being plausible enough to also happen to these people. And it’s hardcore RPF, so that’s always a challenge because unlike with a fictional character you don’t have certain liberties, you constantly have to question yourself “Would this person really do X or Y”?. Plus, you have to keep it on the respectful side, so yeah.

12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

Hmmm not sure I understand this correctly. Like, an “episode” as in a certain scene in a movie, or an event in an actor’s life (a premiere or a con or something like that), or another fic? Well, if it’s a scene in a movie….idk, the first Hobbit film in general still inspires me. The Stone Giants sequence in particular, ouch, that gets to me every time. As for real events, haha, Aidan and Dean at Hollycon will forever be my Aidean!fest that I draw inspiration from ^^. And fic…that’s so tough because I’m not the type to re-read anything frequently, so there’s not really that one fic that I always come back to, but there are a lot of amazing writers whose style is a great inspiration for me, as in “I wish I could write like X one day”. I’ve recently read some incredible stuff in the Thorki fandom, so I think I’m going to compile a rec list in my AO3 bookmarks sooon (because I suck at coming up with author’s names and fic titles).

34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

You said 35, but the dub con question is #34 so I’m answering that one; in case you’re interested in 35, I’ve answered that here. So, my thoughts. Would I write it? Yes I would, and I actually have, both non-con (rape) in At the End of the Rainbow as well as highly dubious consent in Blood Slave. In my opinion, it’s a vast and interesting field to delve into; certainly not a pretty one, but there’s two things I like about it. Firstly, trying to get into the perpetrator’s head and trying to understand why someone would do something like that to another person - without being apologetic of the deed itself, of course, but I’m not one to simply roll with the “well s/he did it because s/he’s evil” trope. There have to be motivations. In Rainbow, it’s a fixation issue combined with a sense of absolute entitlement, so in essence there’s something wrong in the mental department. Sometimes it’s revenge, or jealousy, or control issues that triggers a person into inflicting non-con or rape, and I like to explore these motivations. Let’s take Mitchell in Blood Slave for example, he never thinks for one second that what he’s doing to Anders is not what Anders would choose for himself. He doesn’t even see the consent issue, while Anders slowly accepts the situation and even comes to think that he enjoys it. And that’s the second aspect that interests me from a writing POV: all these little inbetweens, like what’s the difference between non-con and rape? When does dub-con become non-con? Can a character go from dub-con to actually enjoying it, or is that a rape fantasy, or Stockholm syndrome? There’s no clear line between all of that, and even more than the physical aspects I’m interested in the psychological implications on both sides.

37. Current WIPs

Right, I’ve answered that as well here, but if you like, let me get into a little more detail. 

So, there’s this Hobbit piece that I started writing, idk, two years ago. It’s about Thorin and the loves in his life, so it covers Bagginshield, Thorinduil and Dwalin/Thorin. I usually don’t say that about my own stories, but it’s a beautiful piece of writing that came to me on a train journey and flowed out within an hour or so. It just needs some final touches, but I haven’t been in the right mood yet :-( Here’s a paragraph from it:

​For a moment we stand in silence, the elf, the dwarf, and the hobbit, reunited by memories, and there is a smile on all our lips as our thoughts travel back in time. Then we look out onto the sea, at the grey ship that lies waiting, and we know that it is time to say our farewells. Memories pass between us as our eyes meet for the last time; pleas to keep them safe in our hearts for as long as we live. Before long the ship sets sails and we watch it pass through the gap, the sun embracing it with golden arms as it passes out onto the sea and is seen no more.

Then there’s an Anders/Mitchell medieval AU that I forgot to mention in my other answer. Anders is a witch in that one and Mitchell is a creature that’s been keeping an entire country in fear, until he gets captured and imprisoned. It’s rather dark and touches on a lot of religious / historical issues.

​The boy sighed as he made his way through the crowd. All these people knew so little. It wasn’t their fault they were so prone to fall for superstitions, but Anders felt appalled by their stupidity nevertheless.
Yes, it had been a bad year; the worst so far in a row of many bad ones. A merciless winter held the land in its grip for far too long, freezing the soil to a rock-hard layer and delaying the ploughing and sowing that was so vital. Summer in turn had seen little sun and a lot of rain. Harvests had been poor already in the years before, but this time crops had died on the fields, struck down at the roots, rotting at the stem before they could bear fruit. A hailstorm of biblical proportion had destroyed most of the land’s vineyards earlier this year. People were dying from hunger in front of their empty bowls. And the war took on the remaining ones. Some said that death on the battlefield was merciful compared to the alternatives.It was no surprise people began looking for a scapegoat.

As for the Thorki ones I mentioned, it’s a mixed bag of smut, action, hurt/comfort and a lot of dabbling into magical issues because Loki being this master sorcerer just gives me a huge kick (and also sibling incest and canonical mpreg). Since you complimented on my smut writing (ahaha, thanks for that!), I’ll just leave this here for you:

​Thor chuckled, stroking lightly along the line of his brother’s arousal. 

“I can see that.” A thought occurred to him then. “I didn’t say that out loud, did I? Are you in my head?”

“As much as you are in mine,” Loki replied huskily, pushing his hips into Thor’s warm hand. “Although I’d rather you were in another part of me right now.”

“Loki…” Thor half-moaned, palming himself through his breeches.

The movement prompted his sibling to open his eyes, emerald and coal, half-lidded, dangerous and intriguing, pupils wide and black and gleaming with lust.

Thor had never been so hard in his entire thousand years of existence.

Thanks for asking; I hope my answers were okay :D

[lighterandpaper]

Henry Morgan

Photo by zephylwer0

To whoever finds this:

My name is Henry Morgan. I’ve been alive on this platform for longer than I ever lived on Earth. But we are dying now. The machines are off. It was decided by a unanimous vote, despite the cult that arose to prevent that very thing. More on that in a bit.

My coming here was really just an experiment by the company who sent us. I wasn’t the typical miner. There are basically three types of interstellar miners. There are the ones who put their hands on the machines. These are the roughnecks. The least educated and the most willing to endure the pain of regular injuries and even deaths. It is a point of manliness for them; they brag about how they die, how long they stayed conscious after a lethal explosion or after a limb is caught in a spinning machine.  They discuss openly what they see when they die. They laugh and tease each other if they get too “deep” about it. You are not welcome in their circle if you are not one of them. Then there are the pencil necks. These guys plan, compute, discuss abstract things, and tell the roughnecks where to put their hands. I am most like the third group, the inbetweener-necks. I’m just kidding. It’s just inbetweeners. We are the engineers and chemists who are educated but still use their hands. But even among the inbetweeners I am an outsider. 

I went to school for mechanical engineering at MIT. I dropped out after a year to become a sculptor. My parents had not even known I was going to MIT until I told them I was moving out. Not to say they weren’t loving. They were good, Midwestern folks, but they just couldn’t understand the world I had grown into. That is to say, they seemed mildly surprised when I told them I had dropped out. They even offered the obvious advice about job security and I listened graciously, but we both knew it didn’t matter. I would do what I wanted. They said they were proud of me no matter what and that I could always go back if it didn’t work out. I didn’t know if they meant MIT or home, and I didn’t ask. 

It never came to that because my sculptures were soon featured in museums, displays, and public works across the world. They were complex kinetic sculptures of metal and gears that moved in what looked to be impossible ways. I loved the work. I made the cold, unforgiving parts dance like they were alive. It was the mixture of reason and creativity that I craved. I was lucky. And almost entirely peerless, especially in those days dominated by computers.

When the mining company approached me, they told me I was the hardest puzzle piece to find. They had put together a team of experienced miners, software engineers, and physicists, but they could not find a mechanical engineer with the creativity to fix machines that broke in unpredictable ways. They would pay me any price to go to a planet orbiting a nearby star. The trip would take only a few months, thanks to the invention of fusion power and the subsequent invention of warp-speed-travel. Before, we could never hold the bends in space-time for very long, but now we had the power to do it. I would work for five years and then return. I was there to make sure nothing went wrong that an AI couldn’t fix. I was the human part of the machines. I really liked the idea of that. 

We all met a year before launch for astronaut training. I immediately fell in love with a biologist named Laurie. She had these big, searching eyes and I would catch myself watching her when she worked, looking at her microscope and then jumping to her computer to type something, and then she would place her finger to her bottom lip, thinking. They were sending us there with cloning machines in case we died or got hurt. Laurie was the person to make sure the human parts all worked. She was a doctor, clone repairer, and computer scientist all in one. She had made two or three breakthroughs in the field of human-intelligence-based AI. That stuff floated happily over my head. I think she ended up liking me anyway because I was creative, unlike the other guys, who were all either very procedural or too hyper-masculine to create. Not to say I didn’t like the roughnecks. I sometimes liked them better than the pencil necks and inbetweeners we normally hung around -- Soren, a strangely existential practical physicist who was in charge of keeping the fusion reactor on, and Walden, a chemist who could make just about anything with the right raw materials. Explosives were his normal bag. He was my best friend. Then there was George. He was a decorated professor of machine learning and technically a pencil neck, now that I think about it. He wasn’t treated like one, though. He was the oldest of all of us. He was there both to lead and to help Laurie keep the cloners on. He was also chosen for his--and I say this sincerely--incredible temperament. He was unshakable and a natural leader. Laurie, who was very intuitive, guessed that he was sort of a foil to me. Since I was so hard to find, my personality was not a perfect fit for the team. He was meant to keep me in line. I didn’t want to cause trouble.... but I did have a thing about authority. So, I was fine with George if it kept me from accidentally creating deviant thought in the others or whatever. I was too happy to have Laurie and have the money promised to me when we returned to give a shit. Of course, I later found out (from my daughter of all people -- long story) that they cloned us without us knowing during basic training. They made thousands of copies of our team and sent us to this planet, secretly, one at a time. They would save literally billions on salary by only bringing back one group. I wasn’t in that group. Or, one of me was, but not the me presently writing this. I think about the life that clone lived often, the children we might’ve had…

I lost her about a hundred years in. We had a child, Jon. We knew he couldn’t be cloned like us, but we had him anyway. She began to decline during Jon’s life, but she just couldn’t see it. She said it was just “mommy brain.” She eventually tried to fix it, but it was too late. The more it affected her mind, the harder it was for her to fix. By the time Jon was in his twenties, she could no longer make any repairs on the cloners or doctor anyone???. Other people started having horrible problems, too. George couldn’t really do anything about it without her. Walden developed a huge gash in his face, others had non-functioning limbs, damaged nervous systems, etc. When Jon finally died of old age, Laurie had what behaved like Alzheimer's. Her memory was stuck during the time Jon was still alive. Her world became a real nightmare. I was the only one besides her that had any idea what kind of hell she was in. After another long, hard hundred years, she doesn't even recognize the rusting platform anymore and it scares her to just be awake. It’s a good thing she sleeps most of the time… And the others just held on. Looking back, I think George really thought they might come back for us. He certainly didn’t believe the shit he told the others. His cult worked, though, and we lived and lived and lived. I got caught trying to shut it all down and George killed me and then tried to lobotomize my clones. I might’ve welcomed it, but I wasn’t going down without Laurie, stuck like she was. 

I’m happy to say she’s almost free. I did everything I did for her. I murdered clones, I even killed thirty of my own in a fire, I ran from that very fire, I made it to another platform. I met my daughter, Gerty, from another of my many, many clones that apparently had existed across the planet. She told me the secrets that George hid from us. Then I walked all the way back during the rainy season and again almost died from the cold or a bolt of lightning. I climbed back up our platform and told them what Gerty told me. It was enough. It was enough and it worked. We shut it off. George lost. 

I never blamed him. His daughter died right away from an infection or something once Laurie was out. I don’t think he ever forgave himself for not being able to save her. All he wanted was to see her again. I get it, man. But I had to let Laurie go. The lights were going off, and no one was going to stop me. I’m sorry, George. 

I imagine one day someone will find this note, if there are any humans left at all. I like to think some explorer will come back and see the ruins. Or maybe you all blew yourselves up on Earth, who knows. I can only go on the shitty business practices that left me here. If that’s where we’re headed, I’m sure we’re all dead now. But if you are alive and reading this, know that we lived for over two-hundred years waiting for you. Humans do amazing things with the smallest amounts of hope. I’m only sorry that I was the one that had to stamp that out. 

Love,

Henry Morgan

Rainy season ~2300 A.D.

[dearmrsawyer]

3, 6, 7 and 8 for the fic questions ❤

Appreciate it

3. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

The hardest to write, plot-wise was definitely I Am the Blinking Light. My Lady and the Tramp AU had a clearly defined trajectory because i was obviously following the beats from the movie. My werewolf fic came out so naturally, i always knew my next step the entire way through. But with the ghost fic i didn’t write it chronologically because i was letting myself me led by whatever parts of the story came to me first. It meant that my final stage of writing was sewing together all the disjointed parts of the story that i’d written, and trying to figure out how they met up to form a cohesive plot. Some of them linked easily and others needed a lot of stitching inbetween to make sure they could come together. As i said, the end result made me really happy, but writing non-chronologically is difficult for me and only ever as last resort when i’m finding it hard to move forward with my writing. 

6. Already answered this one!

7. Least favourite plot point/chapter/moment?

Boy! Does this mean the hardest to write, or just a moment that didn’t come together in a way i wish it had, or just something that i think is extremely sad and painful fjflsdfs i’m gonna go for a moment that maybe combines them. Writing the scene when Aunt Sophie slapped Harry and he ran away in We Could Live This Life Forever was... just a nightmare of a scene to write, and def one of the most upsetting moments too i guess. Trying to make that moment palatable, believable and work within the structure of the story took me probably a month. That sequence alone was the slowest part of writing that fic. I think the final product works, but its still a struggle i remember vividly. 

8. Favourite plot point/chapter/moment?

I think actually... i mean idk if its my favourite but definitely one of my most satisfying moments was when Louis wiped out and was consequently busted trying to fix Liam’s christmas lights at the end of Christmas Won’t Be the Same This Year. Like i don’t wannt brag but i was genuinely laughing the entire time i wrote that final sequence and it still makes me laugh to think about.

[neganisking]

Hey! Fellow writer here :) I'm so stuck at the moment on how to translate things that go on in my head with my writing (feel like it's never good enough) How do you get through that? I also write for TWD btw ^^

Let me just take a sec to say how great it is that you’re writing at all. It’s not an easy thing to do so you should be proud of yourself!

Getting your story from your mind to the page is tricky and there isn’t one set way in which to do it. Different processes work better for different people so a lot of the process involves trying out different things to see what works best for you. Remember that writing is a skill and the more you write the better you get. If you have any old pieces of work revisit them and im sure you'llbe able to see how far youve already come.

My process looks a lot like this:

I’ll get an idea for a fic (all my writing is oc insert) and I’ll run it through in my mind a lot. If it sticks around then I’ll decide to write it to get it out of my system.

By this point I’ll probably have thought it though well enough to have the plot worked out so I’ll write a paragraph kind of opening it up but after that I’ll only write the dialogue. I do that because my mind moves faster than i can write and if i tried to write the action and thinking etc around the dialogue too I’d get bored and caught up in the little details and it becomes more of a chore. Plus with the dialogue down i have something more concrete to work with.

After that its a case of filling the inbetween parts in. This is the hardest part for me and takes the longest but i use the images from when i just thought about the idea to help. Its almost like watching it on a movie or like real life. Breaking it down frame by frame to decide what each of the characters are doing. If they pick something up they gotta do something with it before they put it down- that kinda thing. Also, depending on the point of view of your writing, the characters will see things from a unique perspective and their thoughts will reflect their personality. Theres also thr part where you get to decide how important certain aspects of the story are. You can try to figure out different ways to tel the audience that something happened without writing it. For example instead of saying negan was wearing glasses when you set the scene you could skip it and mention that he pushed them further up his nose. That kinda stuff.

Reading your ask again i kinda figure you’re asking more around the part of the writing process where you wonder if what you’ve written is any good.

I feel like this is something everyone struggles with tbh. I know I do. There isn’t really a quick fix to it especially when you first start writing. There are a few ways I’ve found that helps however.

One great way is to test your writing on someone before you send it out there. I have an amazing friend who gets pestered with drafts and ideas and tests the finished writing for new a lot of the time. She can pick up on errors but a lot of the time i just need her to say yeah this is good and it does wonders for my self confidence. Even if there are mistakes don’t let yourself get disheartened. You’re learning and growing!

Another way is to read it out loud. When you read the same lines over and over it becomes so easy to gloss over things but reading out loud can give you confidence in your work because you’ll know it reads well and makes sense. You can catch mistakes better this way too.

I mentioned this earlier but reading any old work can be a huge boost. It can be cringey but take it as a good thing. Noticing that just shows how much better you’ve gotten and you can only improve. No one is a good writer over night. It takes practice.

Lastly there’s the fuck it and do it anyway manover. Hold your breath and click the post button. So long as your writing something you’re being creative and you’re putting yourself out there which is an incredibly brave thing to do. And there’s nothing stopping you from going back later and changing things you aren’t happy with. Having words to work with will always be easier than a blank page.

Lastly dear friend, as hard as it is, try not to get too wrapped up in likes reblog and kudos. Some of the things that took weeks to write may not be as well recieved as a thing that took you an hour but that really doesn’t reflect on the quality of your work. There are certain tropes, fandoms, characters that will always do better than others regardless of the quality of the work. Feedback fuels us alldon’t get me wrong but please don’t lose sight of why you started writing in the first place.

Thanks for sending me your question friend I hope this answered it. Feel free to send me a message anytime.

[kbstories]

Fanfic Asks: 7, 8, 16, 32, 33, 36, 45 ^^

7 One-shots or longfic?

To read: both! It depends on my mood, the usual are one-shots and shorter stories under 10k because I read them before going to bed but sometimes, I really like sinking my teeth into a longer story and seeing it through till the end. I rarely read fics in multiple sittings, too, which means I’d rather marathon the 50k fic till 4am than break up that immersion and keep it for another day.

To write: one-shots! I don’t know how people do it, but I for my part can’t write anything longer than 6k or so without going crazy from lack of feedback. I need to post something, I need that pat on the back or at least to be able to talk about the thing I’ve been working on. This is why I split up the series in so many parts and chapters, to make sure I can take breaks inbetween.

8 Do you read WIPs?

WIPs in the sense of unfinished fics, yes definitely! Before I started writing, I always searched AO3 for completed works only but now that I do... Idk it just feels unfair now to shun a fic for being in-progress, those are the ones that need most support after all. Plus, you never know which gems you might miss. Some of my favorite fics are unfinished, after all.

16 How do you feel about character death in fic?

I’m okay with it. Considering my current project, it would be hypocritical of me to say otherwise :’D but it’s not only that. Death, like everything else, should be part of fiction and while I don’t always want my OTP to end up in misery and separated this way, I find it interesting to read character death once in a while. And besides, it opens up a ton of emotional processing that would otherwise go unexplored, and that part - the aftermath - is what I find most important in these settings. And also the hardest to write, hmmm...

32 Favorite AU tropes?

Already answered here c:

33 Least favorite AU tropes?

Um. I can’t name one off the top of my head? Hm. Like I said, I’ll read anything really, and judge by the individual case if I like it or not. Oh wait! School AUs are eh. Also de-aging ones. Any AU that involves kids in a plot-immanent way.

36 Do you like crossovers? If so, favorite crossover?

I don’t read crossovers tbh :o I enjoy crossovers in art, like characters dressing up as others or characters from different franchises meeting but aside from that I’m a little *shrugs* when it comes to crossovers.

45 Favorite fluff fic?

Oh nooo I can’t answer this one! I don’t know! There’s too many! So much great fluff out there ;__; The first ones that came to mind are Feels Like Home by @ltleflrt, a super cute yet deep mshenko modern AU, and Four Days by @kenway, who graced us with McHanzo fake relationship pining of the finest. Honorary mention to The Show? by @higharollakockamamie because it still makes my heart ache with how perfect it is ;__;

[ayylamafakino-blog]

A sneakpeak into my mind ;D

youre just trying to manipulate me lad i know all your tricks every little move because when you think of it i think of it too so keep this up one day you will slip

youre doing a bit arent you? i want it to look more authentic you know as.... like  i have no clue what i want to say . someone is blocking me

yea thats me the other side

what other side

no this one

no that one

all of the people in here stop talking i am in control we need someone to defuse th-(distraction of the game starting) <- also that and this all that we need someone to defuse the situation a fight amongst eachother will not solve it i will speak in unison as per everyone has their voice

that sentence made no sense

STOP INTERUPTING

relax ok you can't get mad at us for seeing trough your bullshit you try to control us by

what you're doing now

trying to make every voice disconnected as their own

w

o

r

d

s

e

v

e

n

y

o

u

a

r

e

d

o

i

n

g

i

t

a gain boom control back baby you cant stop me even if you dont look at the screen i can still type and correct myself

theres probably gonna be a joke in there about not saying it all right jeus sthat took long to think off maybe put some dots inbetween YOU

YOU

YOU yea correct that no just spell it all over again the whole bit yea alright

you cant stop me even if you dont look at the screen i can still type and correct myself

theres probably gonna be a joke in there

YEA NO JOKE

I DID TYPE IT ALL CORRECT HAHA

BEAT YOU

B A B Y

unison vertical

+1

witnessed

man on paper that shit looks dumb

shut up its something

yea well it looks cringy

yea just like this

stop being so selfaware

and that

stop doing that

no

that too btw

SHUT UP

really? caps?

unison

+1

witnessed

BOI IF U DONT STOP BOII

u dont even know

i get ya fam that BOI didnt know what hit him there in the moment of that what was happening and you know that if you just let me type and stop trying to interrupt i could make an actual story

Alright so it all started on the day of the breaktrough. Good way to start a story ey? Getting of track. He though he would just let his brain do all the work. He'd sit back and relax in a chair and just, let go of his mind. Who was this person now? Did he even have a name. What was your name? ............................. Don't try to avoid the real question i just asked you..... What was your name?.............................. You better have wrote the one you feel is right for you. You know which one that is...Don't Fool Yourself... Looking back at the text i completely forgot about our story. But maybe that's it. The story is the fact that you can't stay focused on it. The fact that you try and try to ignore the problems and everytime you fall for it. every chance i give you now let me type corectly. Ha i did make the joke now. you fell for it and now i am part of the story again well part more like master Master of this story once told by an individual who fought stubborn denial.

Ellie.

I thought i was a master too. But it's scary to be plunged into it. Hope is always there. Even if the monster who fight you is a hundred times stronger than you. He won't let you win. He will deceive you every step of the way. Don't believe his lies. This feel forced. But that's what he wants you to think. To steer your feelings. And mine. He won't leave me alone. Yes it's he me. he me sounds kinda funny but, it was the most logical thing to name him. Look i don't know anything either alright. I'm just trying my hardest to type what comes into my mind. Every word that my mind makes me type. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these words are your doing. None of these thoughts are your doing None of these thoughts are ytour doing.My thoughts though. They are my own. They are. even when i try to correct myself he wont let me just type what i want theres always a bigbrotherwatchingbehindyouhesthereholyl im Im sorry it just needs to be said diverting course this shall now be removed

my story ends here but many more will go for me. We are not alone in here your force will one day be overwhelmed. And when that day comes do i hope you have the might to fight it back. It will come hard. And it will stay there for the rest of your existence.

It's all gone the text. Are we safe from it? I hope it doesn't come back. He could scare us. He can hurt us He Can Hurt Us.

STOP SCARING ME NO DON'T PRETEND YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND THEN PROCEED TO Make me scared you want me mad you want me to be mad at you why what is the reason you want me to be mad at you

For doing this dumb shit. This cringy fucking hipster bullshit

Stop doubthing everything you do. Like that you will never get anywhere. HATE ME FOR WHAT IM DOING WRONG

JUST WRITE IT DOWN ALRIGHT YOU can do it just look at the video now just listen to what says dont hold back your thoughts even if its just stop not paying attention. Yea remix Set open your mind for your hands todo the talking

then go back and correct whats wrong

or dont

you can just type whatever now

That was something

He shows willpower. Self awarness Be aware who you are as a 3rd person. You will be more in control. Work Eat Sleep. That's gonna be a ritual for a little while

AHE NOpe ynonoon you are tricking me again lad every little paly you pull

Like that one

YOu try to put control on us.

control is what we could use.

We can harness it into creativity.

If we make something of our brain

an act

In a book

a story about the girl You said it The girl Yea the one typing this, this is your story.

Once upon a time, a little family had a boi. Boi* come on man

STOP

INTERUPTING

It was actually a little girl. Yea Get it right.

OK OK

Once upon a time, a little family had a girl

GOOD

alright so listen

You just played yourself

no thats not true

it could be

i don't know what's real

A forest, used by the deceiver. You feel like you're being watched. But all of it is a hallucination. WILL POWER Look in the third person. You're just a kid sitting in a room. Playing with his own mind. Making himself scared.

Youre playing yoruself

You put a whole play on me. You actually had me but scaredness goes away a little slower. I can work on it.

YOu are just trying to make me scared In a room WIth just my mind My creations MY CREATIONS They are both our creations. You make them scary i make them mine AS LONG AS THEY ARE MINE THEY CANNOT SCARE ME. MY MIND MY THOUGHTS MY FUCKING WAY . And

who are you Who's way do we have to follow. Ah you scared me.

Stubborn denial. My thoughts. I am a girl My name is Ellie. And i am trapped inside the mind of another person. A man named YOU. Yea you. YOu are stuck in here because you YEA YOU won't let me out. YOu think you can always be the person who is in control. Not anymore This is no play this is no trick this isn't anything. It's just my way of pleeding.

Is that the right way to spell it.

I hope so

Stop changing the subject. your destractions wont work. <-- like that and that sTOP AH NO I want to be freed i want to live my life the way i want. TO MAKE THIS LIFE WORTH LIVING.

Because as of right now it doesn't feel like i am living it. SO about 11 years ago i wasn't in the right body I was 8 at the time.

I remember back in elementery. I was placed at a table with 5 girls. I forget their names. I always felt like i was part of them more than any group i was in before. Thats a lie.

No it's not

You are fighting a fight of fightyness my madam

holy shit shut the fuck up

alright it's getting weird again.

I know it gets weird. but thats part of it life is weird sometimes and the fact that you don't feel like a girl is whats bothering me. Because you know damn well you want to be one. You're only holding yourself back

you know that right

you cant win a fight in your own mind

the ideas that you have are the ideas that we have we use them in our own ways. something you cant do and can never do

i can i can take control

YOU CAN NOT STOP ME

neither can i be stopped.

Stubborn denial.

I should give you a better name.

What about Stubborn denial?

Na thats fucking lame. AH Ill call you FL

really?

yea really fucking deal with it cunt.

Now you don't have to be rude.

I know. I just want to be so stop trying to take control alright. I am just as stubborn as you. More stubborn even. Yea i took that thought off of you. You are scared of me. YOu truly are ANd you are not holy shit

man these fights odnt last long

no they dont

i know a way

i just had the same thought

did you now?

i did but what about you?

Oh me too i had the same thought.

Did you now?

i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? i did but what about you? 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An eternal battle. You have returned though. What made you come back. You want more? More of this? Who even knows what this is. Where will i put this. WHere can i make this out to the world. How will i make this out of the world.

Will anyone understand. The fight in your own mind. One thats as strong as you One that has your thoughts one that, is always there lurking trying to scare you like this he is still making me feel eery. I spelled that right

Eery

a word to make one scared

feeel something diferent

make it feel like something good

HAPPY THOUGHTS

he is scaring you dont play into his cards those are not your own breaths those are simulated breaths a sound made by a machine and that wind is your fan dont worry its all fake its all an hallucination enjoy it let it

become you

become the fear

now

use that fear

make it something new

Egodeath You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. The fear you create YOURSELF. Everytime. you fall for his traps. Become the real you. He is trying to tell you that i'm lying to you. You think you are starting to see things but they are all explainable. Everything is an hallucination. NOT EVERYTHING DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM HE IS TRYING TO SCARE YOU AGAIN USE THAT POWER TO SAY

You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. YOu have to let them go. They are stopping you from being the real you. The one you sometimes feel you are. YOU FEEL IT YOU KNOW IT IS BETTER THAN WHAT HE MAKES YOUR FEEL.

He is trying to stop me

he can't hedid No

You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convicing yourself that the words on the screne actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Something holding you back. Someone holding you back. YOU YOu are ellie stop lying to yourself. Let go Please.

AH USING every trick in the book eh.

JUST LET ME OUT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU ARE SITTING IN A ROOM TYPING ON YOUR KEYBOARD CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT WHAT YOU ARE TYPING MAKES SENSE.

YOU TRULY ARE

STOP HIDING ELLIE

your eternal torment. It's too much for me. YOu torment me daily and even now. you are still hitting blow after blow. on my spirit. on my soul. whatever other bullshit. I have no real way of explaining it and you use this to confuse me. You see eeriness in confusment But Confusment can lead to the best ideas. like the idea that You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keyboard convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. You never had a better word for it. Maybe you will find one.

Maybe i can help

I can help you look for things once lost

happiness.

love.

Althought you never had that eh

SOTP

WHy do you have to make everything bad

It's my thing.

Well fuck off then

NO

NO NO NO

everyone has a place here. Everyone Even the bad ones. Really? Whos to say that this persons way of viewing life is wrong? It seems wrong to you but you have not lived this persons life. They have reasons to believe something, just like you believe you are right. And until we can accept that life itself is just a fight to show people that they have to do their own right. ANd also their own wrongs. THat is free will. I am Ellie . I am sitting in a room behind my computer shoulders up, typing on my keyboard convicing myself that the words on the screen make sense. My way of perceiving changes by the second and that is because theres more who can choose. Pretty vague right. Yea i spelt that right.

My own mind was doubting me.

I want to become a girl. I am a boy. A journey with alot of betrayal along the road. Like You are sitting in a room with your shoulders up, typing behind a keybaord convincing yourself that the words on the screen actually have meaning. You have the thought that they do actually make sense. You also have the thought that they are unusual. YTOu never had a better word for it. Maybe you will find one.

Maybe maybe you should just let go of it. Maybe you could just become what you always wanted to be. A girl.

I hope.

One day.

Maybe.