#wow this was fun but i spent way more time on it than i meant to whoops

[holylulusworld]

Every Breath you take (21)

Summary: There is a shadow following you. He doesn’t know what he got himself into.

Pairing: Stalker!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Warnings: a man out of time, secret admirer trope, “crazy” reader, fluff, domestic life

A/N: You all made me do it! Here’s the series to this random idea: Stalker Bucky & Crazy Reader

Catch up here: Every Breath you take (20)

Every Breath You Take Masterlist

Three months later, you and Bucky found a rhythm, literally. You’re slow dancing together, swaying to one of his favorite songs. Resting your head against his chest, you close your eyes and let Bucky guide your body.

Dancing aside, you found a rhythm to follow for your future together.

Trust is the key. You promised each other to have faith in your relationship. Bucky and you are in this together.

Maybe you started your relationship the crazy way, but this doesn’t mean it won’t last. His obsession and your level of devotion match.

You sigh, remembering all the nights you spent tangled in each other over the last months, as you sway.

“Doll, are you hungry?” Bucky murmurs, bringing you out of your daydreams. You place your head on his chest, smiling as you can hear his heartbeat. “We could have a snack, or do you want to cook together?”

You blink your eyes open and lift your head from his chest. “Hmmm…” you nod and rest your head back against his chest. “We could cook together again. Maybe we won’t burn it this time.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” he chuckles. “You distracted me with your wandering hands. How can a man resist if you call him sweet names and touch him like you do?

You giggle. Bucky is putty in your hands, and you love it. Both of you touch-starved to an extent; you can’t keep your hands to yourself most of the time.

Maybe it’s only the honeymoon phase, but you believe it’s more than this. Bucky and you are meant to be together; you just know it.

“We have the vegetables from the farmer’s market, chicken, and lots of cheese. Let’s look online if we find a good recipe.”

“You forgot the plums,” Bucky teases because you love to steal his favorite fruits. “Lots of them, baby doll. We can eat them for dessert.”

“Oh, I found a nice recipe for a plum cobbler with whipped cream. It sounds deliciously, Bucky. We could try to make it too. It’s not hard to make.”

“Do not forget, we are beginners,” Bucky jokes. “We don’t want to burn down the house.” He chuckles when you look up at him and stick your tongue out. “Last time you ended up burning the dishtowel.”

“That was an accident,” you point out. “Accidents happen, Bucky. Especially in the kitchen. We have to be more careful while cooking from now on. No distractions this time.”

“No more distractions,” Bucky nuzzles your hair. “I promise to not fall for you. I’ll focus on cooking, not my sexy girlfriend. He gropes your ass with both hands and purrs your name. “Let’s find a recipe, doll.”

“Wow! We made it,” Bucky hums while happily tasting the food you made. It doesn’t look bad. “Hmm... the cheesy chicken and vegetable pasta bake recipe you found is great.”

“I knew you’d like it.” You smile happily. Cooking with Bucky was fun. He even cracked a joke and told you a little more about his past. Mostly from his childhood, and how he loved to watch his mom cook. “We should do this more often.”

Bucky smiles. This is exactly what he had dreamed of for so long—sharing his life with someone he loves and filling the home he built with love.

All he misses is a little one running around your home. There is plenty of time to talk about children with you, too. For now, he must be patient and wait for the right time to ask you to have his child.

He’ll propose first, of course. Bucky is still a gentleman out of time. He won’t fill you with his baby without putting a ring on your finger.

“I’m so full,” you say, and rub your belly. “I bet that’s how you feel when pregnant.” You pat your belly, giggling. “What do you think, Buck?”

Bucky stares at your belly. He licks his lips, imagining you all swollen with his child. Something else stirs in his belly than hunger—or rather, a different kind of hunger. “You think so?” His voice is a little rougher when he looks at you. “Do you think you’ll like feeling a baby inside your belly?”

“Bucky,” you purr his name. You crook your finger to lure him in. “Do you want to have a baby one day?”

“Yeah—” he husks. “So bad. I can see you all swollen, breasts leaking milk. I’d rub your belly while…”

You whimper and shift in your seat. “Uh—we don’t have to have one right now, but…” You smirk and pucker your lips. “I’d like you to breed me tonight…”

Next: Every Breath You Take (22)

Tags in reblog.

[prodbyton]

🎀's topic for today/tonight: rich bf!Anton 🫡 yes, this stems from my deep-seated desire to have a man who pays for everything i could possibly want and is obsessed with me.

rich bf!Anton for sure experienced love at first sight when he met you for the first time through a mutual friend (Sohee bc i said so). he just knew you two were meant to be. Anton shyly asked you out the second time you met. that was the first (and only) time you got a gift from a guy on the first date. when he told you he would bring you a surprise to your date, you expected flowers or a teddy bear, not earrings that cost more than you could make in a year.

after that, all hell broke loose. every single date, before you made it official, was preceded by an extravagant gift. when you agreed to be his girlfriend, he almost fell to his knees in euphoria. he started buying even more gifts. you got a gift on your anniversary every month, every couple holiday, anytime he thought you were cute which was virtually every second of every day. anytime you off-handedly mention something you want, it gets delivered to your apartment the next day. you used to feel bad before you realized how much he loved spending money on you.

Beyoncé's "Dangerously In Love" is exactly what Anton embodies. he was literally whipped by day one! his friends make fun of him for it, but they'll just never know just how much he loves it. you took note early on that he was always so happy to gift you something. he'd always grin so wide with ears so red they could pass for tomatoes. the more he spent on you the happier he was.

you remember one particular night he popped a boner while looking over his bank statements. you were in his lap and pointing out which thousand-dollar purchases were yours (a monthly ritual since you started dating). you thought sitting on his lap was doing it for him, but the farther you got down the list, the tighter he held you to his lap. the two of you never finished the list because he dragged you over to the bed. that night he went down on you like it was his last meal and fucked you as his life depended on it. you never confronted him about poorly disguised kink, you just made sure to use his card a bit more than usual.

-🎀 (the way i just casually (and accidentally) write whole essays about these mfs is crazy and should studied)

i woke up last night at 3am, read this and giggled until i fell back asleep and wow… just wow u really eat these up every time 🤭

lowkey wanna make this into a fic fr so i wont share my thoughts and ill just leave this here… like findom except you don’t even realize whats going on until you see how turned he is while you whine about how he spends so much on you and that there was no reason for him to give you his card… he tells you that you that you don’t even have to work anymore cuz he’ll take care of everything 😵‍💫

[psychicwavementality]

※ Ch149 WBK spoilers/leaks, endosaku/endochika talk. +my nickname for chika is chiitan btw

Can't believe edsk neg diffed every sakura cp in 4 pages what the fukk

This is really fun for me to interpret...! in my view, i think that endo equates love to full-blown attention and bloodlust. since sakura is known to lock in on his opponents which was painted as a flaw (im unsure when, around keel arc was it? i rmb he realized he had to protect everyone and not just charge in by himself), this very flaw unfortunately pulled endo in

Like, endo practically spent less than 2 hours??? Face to face with sakura???? And then he's already calling him a man he "values from the bottom of his heart" before acknowledging he can never have the things he truly loves (chiitan and sakura standing side by side, and we already know his feelings for the former are Not merely platonic)

If chiitan is an unobtainable god of worship in a higher plane for endo, i suppose sakura would be the human embodiment of said god... and chiitan never gave endo the attention he categorized as love, but endo still fell first after seeing his bloodlust (the other part of his love)

When endo sees sakura with the same bloodlust, this time directed at him with full attention, he realizes for the first time in his life that he also wants to be desired by the person he's taken an interest in; i believe this was repressed after all those years with chiitan. even tho he was satisfied chasing after and worshipping chiitan, he was never truly happy because those pair of eyes would never look the same way as sakura had looked at him, with the same intense fervor.

Yet endo can't have both of them, his feelings will never be mutual. Sakura's whole spiel in the beginning was how he could never meet another person's eyes, but everyone (with "everyone" being the things sakura loves—the people who care for him) was looking at him—and now endo, who never had the eyes of the thing(s) he loves looking at him, experiences it for the first time, and sakura's gaze is trained fully on him. he's looking his way for the first time in his life, but at the same time, what endo wants will never be reciprocated. I think it's ... wow! Wow u make me HOME A PHONIC

Fucking hell this disaster gayfailure makes me insane. I am homophobic now. I hate him /lh

Edit: me and my friend talked a bit...

I like how the image of endo embracing chiitan is religiously inclined (the title, the pose, the robes, the painting). It's the beginning of the chapter, the largest image. It's clearly depicting worship. Whereas sakura's one is in the middle of a chapter. It's mundane, it's human, it's something fleeting yet all-encompassing, a potential pedestal of worship and idolization. Endo's in normal clothes sitting in front of Sakura's bust. There could potentially be more people around him but the spotlight right now is on sakura, his attention has narrowed down to him and him only

I like how Sakura is also a bust and not a painting... he's more 3 dimensional, perhaps more nuanced even, more developed; he's observable from multiple angles and his features are more defined. But chiitan's a painting—and it kind of fits since we don't know much about him at all. We've only heard of him from tales and other potentially skewed perspectives like how religious paintings depict religious figures

My friend mentioned, Sakura being a bust on a mount could be because endo can topple it down and break him, similar to the panel how a sakura twig can be snapped. Paintings are meant to be hung and admired from afar.

Another friend of mine pointed out that the kanji for chiitan's name contains 焱, while the kanji for endo's has 棪. 木 = wood and 火 = fire... It's like he's firewood as fuel for chiitan's inferno, but at the same time, endo's hurting himself and turning into cinders

Fire (chiitan) is beautiful when admired but painful to touch, but endo's been shown to worship and grasp at it even if it almost kills him.

But Endo uses words like "submerge" and "bathe" when it comes to sakura... he's like water if chiitan is fire. I don't know about the JP originals but endo does mention feeling "joy" upon meeting chiitan (a brief spark) and sakura brings "happiness" (a more prolonged thing) if eng TLs are accurate

What I'm saying is... if chiitan is truly symbolized in the painting and endo is searing himself away through worship—i'd dare say that the best way to destroy a painting, too, is to burn it.

[may-russell]

Just the two of us… 🎶☕️

You work at a coffee shop and once Hamzah notices you, he becomes a regular.

Word count: 2744 (sorry if it's too long)

!hamzah x fem reader.

Part 3/3:

You had spent a few days texting and facetiming just to get to know each other a bit more.

Every new thing Hamzah learned about you, was just another reason why he liked you. It was scary, he was experiencing so many feelings in such a short amount of time. It was the first time someone had swept him off his feet, but you brought him so much peace that focusing on anything other than the way his chest felt everytime he thought about you was pointless. Time was relative.

On Thursday, as you were finishing a long day at work, your phone rang. It was Hamzah. His voice alone was enough to calm you.

"Hey y/n, how was work?" he asked.

"Hi... ugh, it was rough. I'm exhausted, but it was good. I like staying busy, you know? I never run out of things to do."

"Haha, I don't know how you do it, but I'm glad you enjoy your job. You should get some rest though; you'll need it for tomorrow..."

You could hear the smile in his voice, hinting that he had something planned.

"Tomorrow? What's happening tomorrow?"

"...Our big date!! If you're free... Are you free for dinner tomorrow? I found this place I think you'd really like."

Your heart started racing. It was finally happening. Initially, you had doubts, but Hamzah had given you the time and space to get to know him, and you appreciated that. He was patient and understanding, passionate about his job, and struck a perfect balance between fun and serious. Though you hadn't known each other for long, you trusted him enough to say yes.

"Yeah," you said with a big smile—the same one he always complimented you on. You had once confided in him about your insecurity growing up, and he had made it a point to always appreciate it. "Where are we going?"

"Well, you're always talking about jazz, so I asked around and found this 'invitation-only jazz club'... and I managed to get us invites!"

"Oh... Wow! I see being an influencer has its perks. I've always wanted to go to a place like that."

"Haha, I knew you'd like it. Meet you at 7?"

"You know me well. Yeah, text me the address and I'll meet you there."

"Great. See you tomorrow then."

"See ya!"

The date was set.

Saying you were excited was an understatement; you had always dreamed of meeting someone who wasn't afraid to show genuine interest in you, someone who listened and cared deeply about your feelings. It felt surreal. Sometimes, you thought about the "random" ways the universe worked—what were the chances of Hamzah walking into THAT coffee shop on THAT particular day and time? If not for that serendipitous moment, your paths might never have crossed, and your life wouldn't be this nice.

As soon as you got home, you couldn't wait to share the news with Anna, your roommate and best friend. Her eyes lit up with happiness for you. “It’s good seeing you like this y/n, it was time you finally met a nice guy,” You could see it in her eyes, she meant that. “Do you know what you’re wearing yet?. “I have a few ideas” You said.

The excitement was mutual, as soon as you hung up Hamzah texted Martin. “GUESS WHO HAS A DATE TOMORROW!!!!” He had gotten a haircut the day before to make sure it looked nice by Friday, and already had an outfit in mind, he had planned on picking you up with some flowers, him walking up to your door and surprising you with them, giving you a big hug and smelling your perfume. But you told him you’d meet him there instead, so he had to come up with a new plan to fantasize about.  

FRIDAY

The time leading to the date seemed like an eternity, work was slower than usual, everything was quiet, except for the incessant ticking of the big clock on the cold, white wall in front of you. Across the room, your coworker in her fifties, mindlessly scrolling on facebook on her phone, the screen glaring brightly as she burst into laughter at every funny post. You and Anna had joked about her contagious, "funnier-than-the-joke" laugh just last night.

Hamzah would text you every once in a while throughout the day, and you’d reply trying not to show your excitement, but you were giggling all day long, your mind kept drifting away from your tasks to the infinite possibilities of what could happen tonight, what he’d wear, how he’d react to what you’d be wearing, would the food be good? Would you guys dance? Or just talk and enjoy the music in the background. You kept trying not to get your hopes too high up, in case anything went wrong, what if he canceled last minute?What if–Stop overthinking- You told yourself, -Let’s find something else to do instead-. Hamzah had awaken a lot of feelings within you, most of them sweet and cheesy, but you had found yourself feeling more self-conscious than usual at times, not because of him. First dates are always nerve wracking.

Finally, the workday came to an end. You packed up your things, said your goodbyes, and headed out to the parking lot. Unlocking your car, you climbed in and took a deep breath. As you turn the engine on, you noticed a weird sound, but chose to ignore it. The drive home was filled with a mix of nervous excitement and cautious optimism.

Arriving at your apartment, you hurried inside. You kicked off your shoes and headed straight for the kitchen, were Anna was already heating up lunch for the two of you, she gets off work earlier than you, and she loves cooking, something you were very grateful for. As you both ate your meals, you checked your phone again—another text from Hamzah.

"Hey, are you getting excited? I can't wait to see you tonight 😊"

You smiled at his message, feeling a rush of warmth. Quickly composing yourself, you replied, "Definitely excited! Looking forward to it 😄"

Anna noticed your distracted state and teased, "Someone's got a big date tonight, huh?"

You chuckled nervously. "Yeah, it's just... I really hope it goes well."

Anna grinned knowingly. "It will. Hamzah seems like a great guy. Relax and enjoy yourself."

Over lunch, you shared the latest updates with Anna, including Hamzah's thoughtful messages throughout the day. After eating, you took an “everything shower” and went to your room to decide on an outfit for the evening.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of multiple outfit changes and fleeting thoughts about the evening ahead. After a few moments of deliberation, you settled on a black backless dress, heels and you hair in a messy but stylish bun.

With a final glance in the mirror, you grabbed your purse and phone, checking for any last-minute messages. There it was—a text from Hamzah.

"Heyy, I'm almost there! Can't wait to see you. I'll be by the entrance."

Your heart skipped a beat as you read his message. Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you replied, "On my way! See you soon 😊"

You headed out the door, the cool evening air adding to the anticipation building within you. As you got into you car, you could feel something was off, you tried to turn it on but it wasn’t working –Shit.- You quickly grabbed your phone again and ordered an uber, luckily there was one just a couple blocks away from you.

After a few minutes, you were finally there. You got off the car, spotting Hamzah waiting just as he described, wearing the cutest glasses, your nerves eased. His smile widened as he saw you approaching, and you couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey," he greeted warmly, reaching out to give you a gentle hug. "You look amazing."

"Thank you," you replied, feeling a flush of happiness. "So do you."

“I wanted to get you an actual bouquet,” He says, revealing a red rose he was hiding behind his back. “But I thought it would get in the way when we started dancing. I’ll get you one for next time though.”

“We’re dancing?!” You said with a huuuugeee smile, “God I love your smile-OF COURSE we’re dancing! I didn’t look up ‘How to dance to jazz tutorials’ for nothing”.

“Thanks, really” It’s all you managed to say, staring into his eyes, the night had just started and it was already everything you’d dream of. “Come on, let’s go inside” He said as he wraped his arm around you and led you in.

As you entered the jazz club together, the soft strains of music enveloped you. The ambiance was cozy, with dim lighting casting a warm glow over the intimate tables. Hamzah led you to a table near the stage, where you settled in comfortably. The air was filled with the sweet aroma of good food and the gentle hum of conversations.

The evening unfolded beautifully as you and Hamzah delved into meaningful conversations, sharing stories and discovering mutual interests. You told him about you car breaking down and he offered you a ride back home. He was attentive and sweet, making you feel at ease with his genuine charm and personality.

Dinner arrived—a delicious spread of gourmet dishes that delighted your taste buds. Between bites and sips of wine, laughter bubbled up naturally between you, punctuated by moments of shared glances, soft innocent touches and smiles that spoke volumes.

As the music shifted to a soulful jazz melody, ‘Just the Two of Us’ ;) Hamzah stood up, extending his hand to you with a playful grin. "Care for a dance?"

Your heart skipped a beat at his invitation. You placed your hand in his, feeling the warmth of his touch as he led you to the small dance floor beside the stage. In the soft glow of the club lights, you swayed together to the rhythm of the music, feeling the subtle electricity between you.

For a few blissful moments, the world outside faded away as you immersed yourself in the magic of the night. Hamzah's movements were graceful yet assured, his hand on your waist guiding you across the floor. Your hand in his and your foreheads touching. You couldn't help but admire how his eyes sparkled with genuine happiness, mirroring your own.

As you moved together in sync with the music, the distance between you seemed to dissolve. Each step was a testament to the growing bond between you, a silent promise of more moments like this to come. The rhythm of the jazz, the soft glow of the club lights, and the subtle scent of his cologne enveloped you in a cocoon of intimacy.

In the quiet pauses between songs, he leaned in close, his breath warm against your ear. "You're an amazing dancer," he murmured, his voice filled with admiration.

You smiled, feeling a rush of warmth at his words. "You're not so bad yourself," you teased softly, the playful banter adding to the lightness of the occasion.

As the music continued, you found yourself lost in the dance, savoring each fleeting second as if trying to capture the essence of this perfect evening. The world outside seemed distant and insignificant compared to the connection you shared in that moment.

Eventually, the song ended, as you returned to your table, hand in hand, the evening continued with a renewed sense of closeness and connection. The jazz club buzzed with life around you, yet it felt like the two of you were in your own little world, cocooned in the warmth of newfound companionship.

As the night came to an end, and the jazz club began to empty, y/n and Hamzah stepped out into the crisp night air, their breath visible in the glow of city lights. The date had been enchanting, filled with laughter, shared stories, and a dance that seemed to suspend time itself.

As they walked towards Hamzah's car, y/n's thoughts flickered back to the Uber ride that had brought her here. She had enjoyed the evening and was grateful for Hamzah's company. The offer of a ride home from him now felt like a continuation of his thoughtfulness.

Reaching the car, Hamzah unlocked the door and held it open for y/n with a gallant gesture. She smiled appreciatively, settling into the passenger seat. The warmth of the car enveloped them both as Hamzah started the engine, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

"I hope you enjoyed tonight," Hamzah said, glancing over at y/n with a gentle smile.

"I did," y/n replied softly, her gaze meeting his. "Thank you for inviting me and for the ride home."

"My pleasure," Hamzah replied warmly, his eyes reflecting the streetlights as they drove through the quiet night. "I'm glad we had this time together."

As they navigated through the familiar streets towards y/n's apartment, conversation flowed between them. They discussed their favorite jazz tunes from the night, shared funny anecdotes, and delved into deeper topics that revealed more about their passions and dreams.

The drive seemed to pass in a blur, the connection between y/n and Hamzah growing stronger with each passing minute. By the time they arrived at y/n's apartment building, she couldn't help but feel a sense of reluctance to say goodbye.

"Here we are," he said softly, pulling up to the curb outside y/n's building. He turned off the engine and turned to face her, his expression earnest. Hamzah hesitated for a moment, stepping out, he hurried around to y/n's side and opened the door for her, offering his hand to help her out. She accepted, feeling a flutter of warmth at his gesture.

"Thank you," y/n said softly as she stood beside him, their eyes meeting in the dim glow of the streetlights.

"You're welcome," Hamzah replied, his voice gentle. "Let me walk you to your door."

Together, they walked towards the entrance of the apartment building, the night air cool around them. The silence between them now felt comfortable, filled with a shared understanding and the promise of more to come.

As they reached y/n's door, she turned to face Hamzah with a smile. Him looking at her as if contemplating his next words. "Thank you again for tonight. I really enjoyed your company."

"Me too," y/n replied sincerely, moving closer to him, a warm smile gracing her lips. "I had a great time."

"Would you like to do this again sometime?” He said, his hand gracing hers.

Y/n felt a rush of excitement at his suggestion. "I would love that," she answered.

"Great," Hamzah said with a smile, relief evident in his voice.

Their closeness drew them together naturally, and suddenly, y/n found herself wrapped in Hamzah's embrace. Her arms were around his neck, fingers gently caressing the curls at the back of his head. His arms encircled her waist, drawing her in as she rested her head against his chest. The intimacy of the moment enveloped them both, a silent acknowledgment of the connection they had forged over the course of the evening.

“Y/n?” Hamzah murmured softly.

“Yeah?” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Can I kiss you?”

Their hearts raced in unison, the anticipation palpable between them. Y/n lifted her head, meeting Hamzah's gaze with unwavering certainty. Their noses brushed against each other's, their breath mingling in the quiet space between them. And then, without hesitation, Hamzah closed the distance between them, his lips meeting hers in a tender kiss.

Time seemed to stand still as they shared this intimate moment, the world outside fading away. The kiss was gentle yet filled with passion, a culmination of the emotions they had both been feeling throughout the night.

As they pulled back slightly, their foreheads resting together, y/n couldn't help but smile. It felt right, being in Hamzah's arms, their hearts beating as one.

Hamzah brushed a strand of hair away from y/n's face, his touch tender. “I'm glad I met you, y/n.”

"Me too," y/n replied softly, her fingers tracing the line of Hamzah's jaw. "I'm really glad."

They stood there for a moment longer, savoring the closeness and the newfound connection between them. In that quiet moment, they both knew that tonight had been more than just a date—it had been the beginning of something beautiful.

Thank you for reading!! This was so much fun.

[runningfrom2am]

getaway car (r.c)

summary: You and Rafe, who are alike in more ways than you think, get kicked out of class together.

pairing: rafe x reader

wc: 1.8k

tags/warnings: mean!kook!reader, bullying i guess?, highschool!au, swearing

requests

nav/masterlists

This particular morning, something in the cool morning breeze woke you up at four am. Wide awake. By the time you paced into your English classroom at 8:01, your uniform perfectly fit (besides the rolled-up waistband on your skirt that had previously landed at a horribly unflattering place above your knees) and an iced coffee in hand, you’d already had enough of the day.

You’d spent the first hour of your day in an everything shower and doing your makeup just the way you liked, all for one boy in hopes you could pass him in the hall and grab his attention. Who was absolutely not Rafe Cameron.

“Oh wow, Y/N- are those fake eyelashes?” The always annoying, better-than-thou attitude having girl who sits in front of you, Ally, asks as you approach your desk.

“Obviously. Same ones I wear everyday.” You reply sarcastically, slamming your stuff down on your desk so it yanks on her hair that she has placed on it. “Dumb bitch.” You mutter under your breath, earning a chuckle from the boys sitting next to you and the seat behind that one- Kelce and Rafe.

“Y/N, let me see!” Your friend who sits behind you says, tapping on your shoulder. You smile as you turn around, avoiding eye contact with either of the boys who were laughing at your comment a moment earlier.

“Oh they’re lovely! They look so soft too! What brand are they?” Bella asks, smiling genuinely and ignoring the scoff the girl in front of you lets out. Bella is the friends with everyone, sickeningly sweet girl, who’s been your best friend since you met at soccer tryouts in freshman year. She had stepped on your toe in her cleats, and stopped the drill to insist you step on her foot back so you were even because she felt so guilty. Obviously, you refused and laughed it off. Everyone loves her- and she’s kind to everyone, no matter what. You don’t know why she’s friends with you, but you balance each other out beautifully.

“Juvias Place.” You reply, fluttering your lashes at her and resting your hand under your chin. “They’re my fave- I’m probably on my eighth pair. And! And they’re like fifteen bucks! Isn’t that crazy?” You grin, letting go of the clearly negative comment the girl in front of you was making.

“Oh wow- yeah that’s crazy.” Rafe cuts in sarcastically and you shoot him a glare.

“Right?” Bella giggles, clearly not getting that he was making fun of you guys. “That’s a really good deal!” She smiles at him, which he returns with a nod, flipping his expression once her eyes land on him. Rafe had always liked Bella as well. He was making fun of her, yes, but he didn’t have the heart to let her know that if she didn’t pick up on the social cues. She just sees the best in everyone all the time, in the way that he doesn’t, and you also don’t.

Sometimes it frustrates you, the way he waves at her in the halls or shouts her name across the field when either of our teams are practicing, (not because you like him or anything, gross) because you know he either A. is making fun of her or B. has bad intentions, which you doubt because he’s never laid a hand on her- as much of an asshole as he is.

You just hate the idea of anyone taking advantage of her kindness. And it’s not like you’re a particularly mean person, but with Bella around, you try and fill that role to protect her. You’re scared that one day she’ll need it, and you’re not afraid to throw hands with anyone who does her wrong.

Class starts and it’s clear that the teacher doesn’t feel like talking this morning, because she just says to discuss the readings in partners that you got to pick yourselves. You instantly turn in your seat to face Bella’s desk, crossing your legs on the chair. “Yay! Okay, we were meant to read chapters 5-10 for today…” Bella starts, pulling the novel from her bag and opening it up.

“Mind giving me the run down? After practice last night I was swamped.” You say, smiling at her hopefully.

“Oh, yeah! For sure.” Bella nods. “First though- down to business, I saw you talking to Quinton this morning.” She whispers, leaning closer.

“Oh, yeah, I brought him coffee.” You shrug and she rolls her eyes at you.

“Okay, duh! Tell me why, tell me everything, did he text you and ask? Or did you text him and offer? Because those are very different. And was it snap? Or did he use your number?” Bella bombs you with questions.

You roll your eyes and shake your head, smiling at her fondly. “Okay, he texted me, number, not snap, and then I offered because I was driving Vanessa and we were stopping for coffee anyways.”

“Number! This is big.” She smiles excitedly, nudging your shoulder. “Next thing you know, he’ll be down on one knee and we’ll be planning your wedding!”

Rafe is glaring over at the two of you, eyes locked onto those fake lashes that he must admit, do look very soft. He rolls his eyes in an effort to get himself to focus on the task at hand, discussing readings he also didn’t do. He couldn’t focus very long considering his partner was fully ignoring him, on his phone still facing the front of the room.

Why do you even like Quinton anyways? That guy’s an idiot- Rafe knows him well, and he knows that besides being a half decent defenseman, Quin is nothing special and is actually known to cheat on his past girlfriends. Why would you waste your time around a douchebag like that?

“Dude- would you stop?” Kelce groans, turning to look at Rafe who is repeatedly punching his back, which started with one hit to get his attention, but continued as his mind wandered and he needed to vent his frustrations.

“No, fuck off. You’re so annoying.” Rafe mumbles, continuing to hit his friend in the back.

“Rafe- for fucks sake, leave him alone.” Your voice distracts him and he stops, shocked that you got involved.

“Why’s it matter to you? Kelce was pissing me off.” Rafe defends, looking at you as you raise your eyebrow at him.

“I literally did not do anything!”

“Exactly- we’re doing group work.”

“Well neither of us read it so what will we talk about?” Kelce says, turning in his seat and trying to rub the aching out of his back.

“Believe it or not, you punching the crap out of your friend because you need endless amounts of attention can be distracting to others.” You say, impulsively reaching back and pulling Rafe’s binder from his desk. It’s always bothered you that he left the sheet that it came with in the front, a flimsy piece of plastic sheet with large graphic letters saying the binders brand and how many sheets of paper it can hold.

“Hey!” Rafe spits, reaching out for it as you pull the plastic sheet out, crumpling it up and throwing it back at him before putting handing his binder back.

“That was bothering me.” You say, and he snatches the binder out of your hands.

“I liked it there.” He mumbles, fully pouting now.

“It did look stupid.” Kelce agrees with you, making Rafe smack the back of his head.

“Rafe, c’mon.” Bella shakes her head at him, hardly looking up from the book.

“Maybe you drooling over Quinton is distracting, have you ever considered that?” Rafe says to you, ignoring her at this point.

“That’s your business how?”

“Oh my god, Y/N, would you shut up for like four seconds? Jesus Christ, you are a walking nightmare!” Ally hisses, turning and smacking her hands on your desk, making you jump.

“That’s actually truly funny coming from you, Ally. Your hair looks like a crows nest and you fucking smell like you haven’t washed your uniform in months. Personally, I’d watch my mouth if I was you.” You spit back, crossing your arms and sitting back in your seat.

Kelce and Bella simultaneously smack a hand over their mouths, trying to stifle their laughter. Rafe makes no such attempts, laughing and nodding, reaching out and gently shoving your shoulder.

“Shut up, Rafe. You’re just mad because I don’t kiss the ground you walk on.” Ally snaps, turning around again to face the front.

“True.” He says, coming down from his laughing fit. “I just kind of think it’s weird, though, that you make fun of Y/N’s makeup when you’re not even pretty to begin with. At least she doesn’t need it.” Rafe says, throwing the balled-up paper you just tossed at him at the back of her head.

You avoid eye contact with him as your cheeks burn from the implications of his comment.

You watch as Ally sniffles, her hand shooting up into the air. “Miss! Y/N and Rafe are calling me ugly!” She shouts out, grabbing the teachers attention when she doesn’t immediately see her hand.

You both simultaneously groan as everyone turns to look at you, the teacher standing up from her desk and pointing towards the door. “You two! Office. Go!”

“I’ll get some notes for you.” Bella whispers as you stand, shoving your books into your bag.

“Thanks, Bells.” You smile sadly at her. Rafe brushes past you as he moves to the door, past Ally’s desk as she looks at him smugly. You follow a few moments behind, stopping at the door as she watches you, pretending to look down and spit into your hand before flipping her off.

“Miss Y/L/N, out. Now!” The teacher urges you out, and you roll your eyes as you step out, adjusting the weight of your backpack on your shoulder with your coffee in your other hand.

You didn’t expect to see Rafe waiting for you, but it makes you smile anyways. Despite your bickering, you are decently good friends. You run in some of the same circles, and honestly you think you have a lot in common. Not that you hangout very much.

“So.” Rafe says, draping an arm over your shoulders. “Are we actually going to the office?”

“Fuck no.” You giggle, shaking your head. “Well, I’m not.”

“Thank god. Me neither.” Rafe laughs as you make your way down the hallway in the direction of the exit to the parking lot. “Are you hungry? We could go get something to eat.”

“Sure. Why not.” You agree, smiling up at him as he pushes the door open for you. “I’ll drive. I’m not getting on that rolling death trap you call a bike.”

“Whatever you say, Sweetheart.” He chuckles, following you toward your car.

part two

A/N: i hammered this out this morning and i think it's just so cute

taglist: @slut4drudy , @madelynie , @mutual-mendes , @sadfury (i just tagged some mutuals who like my other stuff so if you want to be added or removed lmk!!)

reblogs and feedback are very appreciated as always :)

[tracybirds]

It's nearing the end of the year and I'm thrilled to have finished up my little Thunderbirds Reading Challenge yesterday! It's been a whirlwind year with major lows but also some cherished highs and I'm still finding my feet a bit but we're getting there <3 I'm looking forward to 2025 and getting to dive into this world that I love once more!

I want to chatter about my thoughts on each book so I'll do that under the cut <3

Also this is my second year of making prompts for myself and I do plan on doing it again next year, so let me know if you want to be tagged in a post for that.

On to the books!

---

Thunderbird One: A book with silver lettering on the spine

My pick for this was A Zoologist's Guide To The Galaxy by Arik Kershenbaum. This was a book a biology teacher friend had recommended to me and so when I spotted it at the library and saw the silver lettering, it felt like it was meant to be and I snagged it! And I'm so glad she did tell me to read this one - I had so much fun dipping into the concepts and ideas this book presented. It was a really interesting way to explore key biological principals in the context of evolution on an alien world.

My favourite chapters were related to movement and communication, but there were so many fascinating tidbits of information and incredible solutions that life on Earth has come up with, that is gave me a whole new appreciation for the variation present on our own world!

This book has gone on my wishlist to purchase and I think everyone with an interest in natural sciences should check it out :D

Thunderbird Two: A book featuring a musician

For this I chose the appropriately named The Instrumentalist by Harriet Constable. This caught my eye as a new release and it was the setting that interested me most. The focus was on Venice, in the time period when Antonio Vivaldi was active, and that setting has some nostalgia for me as my family owned a CD audio drama set in the same period and place, designed to introduce children to Vivaldi's music. Not only that, but I was fortunate enough to visit Venice this year and so the environment was fresh in my mind.

This novel is based on Anna Maria della Pieta who was an orphan and violinist taught by Vivaldi. I've thought about this book a lot since I've read it - it's beautiful and the depictions of how music can consume you is truly stunning, but it's not a beautiful book, it's brutal and dark and doesn't shy away from the struggle that women in the time and place in which it's set. More than music, I think this book covered the soaring heights and despicable depths of what humanity can be, and demonstrates how easily one could become trapped by their circumstances.

As an aside, I did also cry when I read the author's acknowledgements at the end, they were absolutely stunning and I read them out loud to my friend and wow they hit home. I really enjoyed this one too <3

Thunderbird Three: A book you had to read in high school

I knew The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien would be the book I chose as soon as I wrote the prompt. I first read this book in my final year of high school as part of a study on short stories, and it was one of my first real exposures to the Vietnam War. I knew the bare bones of the conflict secondhand from friends who were studying history, I'd heard it mentioned a dozen times in TV and books, but in NZ when it came to military history we spent a lot more time discussing the events of Gallipoli and the ANZACs in WWI and of course the Holocaust in WWII (We can have a discussion another day about why we didn't even learn about the New Zealand Wars but whatever). So when I read it for the first time, I was struck by the raw brutality of it all, and it made a deep impact on me.

Now that I'm older, more than a decade on, I wanted to revisit it.

I know a lot of people who would want to analyse this book with a political framework, and I don't think it's wrong to do so, but I do think that if you do that you miss what this book is. The non-linear nature, the ruminating and revisions inherent in every story told, the oscillation between being blase and being horrifically scared and being alight with a monstrous rage and so on and so on and so on. It's a confronting novel and the way it meanders and feels so pointless at times was something I really struggled with this time around.

But then it's a story about drafted soldiers, trapped in a war they didn't choose and couldn't escape. What else could it have been?

Thunderbird Four: A book exploring somewhere new

The Apollo Missions: In the Astronaut's Own Words by Rod Pyle was not what I expected my pick to be. Even after I read it, I didn't immediately realise how well this fit the prompt. It's such a cool little nonfiction book, taking the transcripts of key points during each of the Apollo missions and pairing the astronauts' awe and wonder (and humour!) with photos from each of the missions was such a cool way to learn more about the goals, the successes and the failures faced in exploring the lunar surface for the first time.

It's such an incredible project that I still can't believe NASA achieved and I love learning more about it <3

(And from a Thunderbirds perspective... it was very fun to see some familiar names cropping up too!)

Thunderbird Five: A book featuring a non-organic lifeform

I won't lie, I 100% thought I was going to reread Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir for this one. But then, a book that had been sitting on my shelf for two years found its way into my suitcase when I went to Italy, and to my surprise it featured a non-organic lifeform! Kind of. I'm still not really sure what exactly the Fremda were...

I don't remember very much of this book to be honest. While the premise was interesting, I found the story got pretty bogged down fairly quickly and although it was fine and I enjoyed it enough to finish, I knew I wouldn't be continuing on with the series.

They can't all be winners I suppose ahaha

Anyway, that's my Thunderbirds Reading Challenge for 2024 all wrapped up! Hope you enjoyed a little foray into something different and once again let me know if you want to be tagged when I make the 2025 prompts <3

[ghostphys]

Update after a week of doing this:

So it’s finally update time! Thank you all for the support on my post about this, it really meant a lot!!

I’m going to list the pros and cons of my little experiment, then add a summary/TLDR at the end of the post. This is probably going to be quite a long post as it was definitely an interesting 5 days. P.S, if you have any questions please ask! I’m 100% willing to answer.

Pros:

• My time spent studying over doubled this week. This was the most obvious pro (and the one I was kind of hoping for the most) and I’m so proud of myself for how much I managed to get done. I studied for an average of 4hours/day, whereas before I was only doing 2.

• Studying felt so much more relaxing and productive at night. This probably contributed to the increase in studying; I found I enjoyed studying more, was able to pay attention for longer periods of time, and it started to feel less like a chore, and more like a hobby.

• I started to feel more present in the moment, especially on the bus travelling to/from uni. This wasn’t something I was really expecting, but I think also was partially a result of me deleting social media (which i can totally make another post on if that’s of interest). But where I used to sleep on the bus, or even just daydream, I started to read books, look over notes, and just feel a lot more present in general, which was a fresh of breath air honestly.

• I actually felt a lot less tired while at uni. I think this is most likely due to having been awake for a while before even travelling, so I had plenty of time to wake up. As someone who suffers from both physical and mental health issues, this was really important to me and i was so so much more focused during lectures and just generally wow it was amazing.

Cons:

• Although I found it easier to study, I dedicated a lot less time to keeping my room/study area tidy. I’m not sure exactly why this was, I think maybe just moving around to tidy up at 2/3am felt a bit wrong as I was scared to make too much noise? I think the way around this would be to just tidy right before sleeping at around 6pm, but this was probably my least favourite of the cons:(

• No time for social life outside of uni. Unless your friends are all also borderline nocturnal, then yeah if you are a person who loves going out etc then this is not the schedule for you. Fortunately for me my friends already know i sleep a lot, so most of our socialising happens in between lectures during uni time. (And by that I mean going to cafés and doing even more studying).

• It was kind of hard to figure out mealtimes? Eventually I settled on only having two meals a day, but just increasing portions sizes, and having more snacks in between. This is just what worked best for me, and this wasn’t a huge con tbh, just kind of confusing at first.

• It was so much easier to just hit snooze on my alarms. Because I didn’t have to worry about a bus to catch or anything forcing me to wake up, I found myself saying ‘just five more minutes’ way more times than I should have. I definitely slept in one day sadly. I think this is definitely preventable, I’m sure there are special alarm apps to help with this sort of thing, and i’ll probably be checking that out.

Summary/TLDR: This was such a fun experience for me, I’m really super proud of myself for trying this out and for improving my studying! All in all I definitely found this to be a positive experience, obviously that’s a personal thing so please don’t take my word to be truth! But just in my experience I really found it to help my mental aspect of studying as well as just physically doing more. Although my room got a bit messier, and I kind of just got disoriented about the time of day sometimes, I definitely think these are things that could have been fixed.

Disclaimer: I only tried this for a week which is definitely not enough time to fully change your sleep schedule, and I am obviously not a professional in this field or in research. This was just a fun little experiment and a chance for me to talk about my personal experience. I’m not encouraging this behaviour or saying it is healthy. (I am not informed about the effects on health this would have long term). Do not take some random person on tumblr’s experience as a holy grail of truth or something like that.

[iwanttobepersephone]

So I sent this message to @findingcrow

And I ended up explaining literally all of the emojis. Here they are (in order of explained, not order of how they were put). I spent 3 hours explaining this and it's a LONG post, so, sorry lol

👯‍♀️-The twins are just a pair of dancers, and I love the vibes of Scar and Grian dancing together in the desert

🫧-The bubbles are because their love has the same vibes as the way a child loves bubbles. The child thinks bubbles are pretty and fun, but often pops them due to a lack of understanding of their fragility

⚖️- The scale is a symbol for justice, something that Grian had the intention of bringing to the server, and yet, in the end, he hated following through with it (killing Scar)

🪬- The hand is called a hamsa, as far as I'm aware, and is a symbol for protection and guidance, something that Grian offered to Scar throughout the entire time they knew each other

✨️- The sparkles are about how attractive and nice their love seemed to Grian, how shiny the prospect of loving Scar was

💌- Well, to me, it feels like keeping his love hidden inside him, leaving only hints of its existence. You cannot read what's inside the envelope until you open it, but the heart implies it was sealed with love. He hides his feelings in the envelope like a letter never meant to be read

💃- Ok, so, the dancing one is the same as the pair dancing

🌌- The galaxy is about his home, as I like to think the Watchers live in sorta in space-ish. I think a lot about Grian routinely going up on the roof in any season of the series and just, staring at the stars. "Oh wow," he'll say, "it's so much more beautiful looking up than down"

🫀- I tend to use the real heart for situations when my love feels, well, *real*, more so than the typical cartoons heart can express. When it feels almost as if the other person is less of a loved one, more of a part of me, like we've become so very intertwined that I can never forget them. I think you can guess why that applies to Scar and Grian

🎭- The drama masks are, once again, about how he hid his feelings. "No," he said, "I'm not in love. He's just my partner in crime." It's also about how he acted out a personality that fit his needs, too. He always wanted to win, and Scar was a part of that. "I made a deal, I have to live up on it" while he's actively helping kill people, knocking down the number of who he'll have to kill once he's red. In the end, all his actions were for his own gain, but slowly the facade he put on them of being for Scar became real, the mask became his face

🕯- And the candles, well, "the light of the server." A candle in the dark. A fire, something so fierce and destructive, becoming passive and helpful. Something so necessary for some. Plus, they're often associated with magic and rituals, a tool for manifestation and summoning and communication. But a fallen candle, a flame forgotten before bed, it can become destructive again. That's what burns down houses, what takes lives. And if it doesn't lose control, it burns, and burns, and keeps burning until all of itself has melted, until it's nothing

⚔️- For the swords, I thought mostly of when Grian attacked him. Y'know, "YOU TRAITOR!". #1, I like to think of it as him putting his sword to Scars throat, so swords are obvious there. #2, he also was guarding himself! He trusted Scar, showed him parts of himself he never showed anyone else (maybe even revealed he's a watcher?????), and then Scar KILLED HIM! As part of a stupid game! (Yes I'm aware of the irony there it drives me insane I can rant about that themes about that for so so so so long and the guilt Grian feels for being the cause the games Rzaurskr74us4s4ua). So, obviously, he started to guard his heart, like swords across an entrance

⚰️- Coffin is 2 things, first, the way their love died as Scar did. I like to think that Grian tried to bury him a little, Scars final resting place was also the resting place of their love (at least, the final resting place of SCARS love). The second thing is that Scar would sell coffins, remember? But he never got one. He never got what he gave, but he did get everything Grian had

🎠- So, the horse isn't JUST a horse, it's a merry-go-round horse. Y'know, from a carousel? So, in all the seasons, their relationship kinda follows the same main story-beats, right?

•Early betrayal/beginning of a grudge

•They're forced to make up, even if just briefly

•Help each other out with something

•They fall out again

•They die (sometimes being the CAUSE of the others death, even if indirect)

It happens again and again.... like how a carousel goes around and around and around. You CHOSE to get on the carousel, Grian, and you can't get off until it's over, you know that, Grian

🏜- Anywas, for the desert, well, they're the desert duo

🦙- For the Llama, don't tell me you forgot about Pizza!

🌓- Ok the half moon, Let's see how effectively we can put this into words. So it's 2 sides of the moon, right? It's the same thing at its core, the moon, but two entirely separate appearances, light and dark. It's the same thing at its core, a game, but two entirely separate experiences, the player and the creator. 2 sides of the same coin sorta deal, yeah? They both play the game, too, and in my mind, Scar sorta creates the game, too, in his own way. Would Grian have ever stuck around the game the way he did if Scar weren't there? Scar kept things interesting for him, kept him from getting bored. Grian bent and created new rules to make sure Scar had fun, the game was created just as much for Scar as it was for Grian. And again, Grian plays too! Grian has plans blow up in his face, Grian faces punishments of breaking the rules, and despite what the other players may say, Grian lost, too. It's the same thing at its core, a game, unwinnable, but malleable

❤️‍🩹- The bandaged heart is a bit more on the nose,

I like to think both Grian and Scar were, in some way, hurt when they met. Maybe Grian had become used to the ultimately selfish love of the watchers, and had trouble believing that any other sort of love could exist. Maybe Scar hated his namesake, and wished he could hide it. (Examples, I can't quite decide on what I wanna do with it, lol. But as they grew closer, that changed. Grian began to believe in selflessness, and Scar began to find beauty in every part of him. They bandaged each others wounds and healed each others hearts

��- So, the dynamite is also pretty obvious, I feel like, like it's Grian. Now I COULD do some sort of deep meaning, pretty easily in fact (blowing up in the emotional way instead of the physical way, losing control of his emotions, once again circling back to "YOU TRAITOR"), but that's really not what I had in mind when I put it there

🏳️‍🌈- The queer flag.... do I need to explain that

🕰- So, the clock is a really cool one, because Grian knew from the very beginning that this would never last. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he had a timer in the back of his mind, constantly ticking, for when it was all gonna end. It was only ever a matter of time, but he pretended it wasn't. He pretended it would last forever. Maybe, if he hoped for long enough, the clock would stop ticking, but it didn't

⏳️- Now, the sand timer has, once again, a very similar meaning. It's a timer till the end of it all, the knowledge that it will always run out, *always*. But he still joins the games, over and over again. He flips the hourglass over and restarts the timer. The sand will keep pouring, it will never change, it will end the same, always

[bengiyo]

Knock Knock Boys Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we squarely sorted our housemates into two pairs and gave Almond a proper shake to make him get over Jumper. Almond spent the first chunk of the episode following Latte, and watched him give a talk to a club about pansexuality. He and Almond had a good moment after that, and Latte found himself getting jealous of Jumper at the barbecue they hosted later. Meanwhile, Thanwa is still looking for work but had an excellent moment with Peak in a closet where Peak apologized for taking a kiss from him earlier and asking for a new one. We left at Jane reentering the picture.

I do love their cold opens that are for a later scene in the episode. It feels so assured every time. I like the anticipation of paying attention to the moments so I know what that cold open is meant to provide as payoff.

I love Latte so much. He wakes up from sleeping on Almond and only gives a pleased smile about it. These two faking sleep are ridiculous. I know Almond was gonna toss his ass when the Now Kisstm moment started

Using the shirt to provide a barrier during a pratfall kiss is novel. I’m glad the first time their lips actually touch won’t be accidental, and that Latte got injured. We’ve only seen someone bleeding after a pratfall kiss in a few instances (Love Stage!! TH comes to mind).

Fiancée? I am ready for the drama.

These boys are nosy as hell!

The energy Jane gives off is so knowing. I am compelled.

Almond, the rich kid, took his shirt off to pretend to clean the walls with it after rolling away from the door. Incredible.

She is so ready to fight this man. They do not feel like they are romantically involved.

I feel bad for Thanwa. He’s staying out of the way, and even waited a bit for answers before calling.

Finally, someone acknowledged that every goddamn mosquito would be flying in through those open doors.

Morning wood in my BL? It’s more likely than  you think.

Almond, we see you still smiling about what you saw.

I’m with Almond. I wouldn’t want to eat breakfast at this tense table. However, I am also with Latte just trying to get some food in before walking to class.

Thanwa feels so properly gay to me. He’s being so careful about being neutral in his interactions with Jane.

I don’t like Max.

I like Lukpeach taking her offense to their sexual health club and talking about how improper it is to film people’s private moments and post them for clout.

Almond, focus please!

These two have a fun dynamic. Almond is still clearly thinking about Latte’s dick, and I love Latte being upfront that he’s down to play if Almond wants.

An unfortunate t-shirt choice there, costuming department.

This framing with the bed scene is excellent. Thanwa is still willing to offer Peak shelter, but he’s made it clear that they can’t have any more closeness while this situation with Jane remains unresolved.

Yes, put on your glasses so you can see his back properly. This show is very good at communicating that the characters are feeling multiple things.

Baby’s first dildo!

I don’t think they’re talking about the job anymore, guys.

This boy is skipping home to use his new toy! I love that for him.

You’re gonna need more Vaseline than that, baby boy.

I really love that Almond is allowed to explore his body this way. He lucked out on his roommates, too. Latte was worried when he heard him scream, and I love him teasing Almond about helping. It’s so cool that Almond is made to feel like he is desirable in some way.

And now Jane is covering for Peak, and didn’t react much about Almond saying he kissed Thanwa. She knows.

Oh no. Almond, do not go check that locker room. You are gonna get your little heart broken.

Glad I called that Jumper was already with his friend.

Almond….no… You were just at a meeting about consent.

That’s interesting. I thought we would find out about Jumper and Shawn via the clip, not that Almond would have already seen them together.

Wow, that’s a difficult cliffhanger. You could see Latte pulling away from Almond.

The preview is not promising!

Wow, I was not expecting the show to go beyond the “don’t film people” PSA aside. Having Almond overstep that boundary in a moment of jealousy and be caught for it is ripe with tension. I like that it’s Latte who catches it first, because he’s been dealing with Almond overstepping boundaries with him for multiple episodes with him following him places and trying to see his dick. Even if there’s been brewing sexual tension between them, Almond has been very firm about saying no to Latte. To have him then film and post Jumper like this is egregious, but in line with his earlier behavior. I’m excited to see where we go with them. As for Thanwa, I love that he still likes Peak even if he’s holding on his own line as well. This show whips ass.

[historicboii]

Sometime ago, we created the undead gene roe au in the ww2 rpf server. Its sad, funny, thoughful and more!

We are having fun over there making our favourite medics life hell.Thank you to all and specially to @upontherisers , @leftenantjopson and @corrosivesaints, you guys have helped me so much.

A bit of context, in this au besides gene, babe is cursed to be reincarnated, this scene takes place before gene and Anthony Mayfield, our ww1 babe ship out to war.

But thats enough of me talking, lets get on with the fic!

----------------------------------------------------------

There is no greater sorrow than thinking back upon a happy time in misery- Dante, the Divine Comedy

"You got me a gift?

"Yeah, i mean it will be a while before we get back to the States, and well, I know you usually dont go out much, so i figured I might get something for you."

He handed me a expensive looking bag, probably from some of those found in the richer parts of the city, the parts were i would never go.

"Thats.... Very nice of you, Anthony"

"Well this is what friends do for each other. And please dont call me Anthony, I told already you you can just call me babe......... Well get on with it, open It !!!"

"Right now?"

I felt that this was too intimate of a gesture to do in public, a gesture meant between two lovers, not two soldiers ready to go to war.

"Well, we might not get another time to relax and be alone once we board that boat"

Seeing as i wasnt moving, he grabbed me and we started wrestreling, he was stronger but i was faster, and i had more experience fighting dirty.

We ended up on the floor, my hands keeping his arms behind his back. We spent a couple of seconds breathing heavily, i could feel his exahustion in the way his shoulders relaxed. Then, after the adreline had worn off, i realiced the position we were both in, and i quickly got Up and release Anthony.

"Okay, okay, leave me alone, I will open it"

I grabbed the bag that had been dropped during our previous activities.

Inside the bag was a small blue box, tied toguether with a matching ribbon. It looked expensive, sure, i knew Anthony had some money, at least much more than i had, but this was excessive, even for him.

I slowly opened the box, revealing a beautiful ornate lighter. Brand new. I grabbed it and spun It so i could see it more clearly. And then i saw it.

On its side, there were two intertwined letters. A G and a T. Gene and Tally.

"Wow, thats very beautiful"

"Do you like It? I figured you would like that. You keep talking of that sister of yours and that way you can keep her close during the war"

Somehow, that declaration was the worst of it. So intimate, the way he had remembered me talking about Tally. I couldnt say i loved the gift. Not to him. But what to say?

I looked at him. We were both too young, his face hopeful expecting my answer. He didnt know death like i did. He still had hope that we would make It somehow.

But today was not the day i reminded him of that. Today we were two boys happily enjoying our last days of freedom.

"It Will be handy for sure. Thank you, really, It means a lot"

"Well as long as you dont lose it somewhere in Europe my friend, i Will be happy"

He slung his arm around me. I had to force my mouth shut as not to say that i would be happy so long as i had him with me.

[lolaandthens0me]

Hey Lola! I love your posts and content! I gotta ask this: What has your Poly Journey looked like for you, and is there anything that I should be mindful of within my own journey?

Salutations Anon! And thank you for the kind words.

Wow, what a fantastic question! It has been quite the journey filled with much love, some heartache, an abundance of patience and growth, and real hard work in self-awareness and compassion...along with more than a smattering of fun, fuckery, and so.much.travel.

My journey began with a quiet aching within my heart and unsettledness within my gut. I think I've always known that I was polyamorous and bisexual, but I've not always had the vocabulary to express that. I am a being with an extraordinary capacity to love, and although I had so much love within my marriage (and still share with my ex), my heart was calling for more. There came a time where I felt that if I didn't make a change, the real person I was inside was going to be gone forever. The part that makes me Lola. I believe that I was put on this Earth to love, to share my body, and to share my heart and empathy in order to help others learn how to heal and love themselves.

The first step was to learn how to communicate honestly, even if it meant hurting someone I loved. I read books and blogs about how to be an active communicator instead of a passive one. And then I practiced. I surrounded myself with wonderful friends who listened, pushed me to speak my truth, and helped me figure out just what is was that I felt I was missing, I was being called to pursue, and they supported me, every step of the way, in who I was becoming.

Then I had to learn how to ask for what I want. This is a lesson that I continue to relay to all of my friends and partners. I have learned how to compassionately, but confidently and with kindness, ask specifically for what I want. One way that I continue to do this is by being very upfront about who I am and what kind of life/relationships I want with any potential play partner/kinky friend/partner...the people that I want to be my whole, true, unedited self with.

I also had to do the hard thing. After months and months of therapy, couple's therapy, open, honest conversations, time spent alone and together, trials of compromise and an open relationship to a degree - I had to say that I wanted to separate. I was married for almost 15 years at this point. That was one of the hardest days of my life. But I felt caged, frail, like the color was being completely drained from me. They say that it takes a good 2 years after a separation/dissolution/divorce to get your life back to something normal again. I have not quite made it to that mark yet...but I believe that's true. My ex and I chose to rewrite a new chapter for our relationship, to write our own book, to remain friends and in each other's lives...and wow, has that been hard. But I am so fucking grateful and happy that we've done that work. And we are in a wholly different, beautiful place.

Now for the fun, but also tricky part...I began forming new relationships. I think I've always known that I would be someone who would want and thrive with a Primary partner. I was lucky, my Primary partner, RY, was a friend first, and grew very organically and beautifully into more than that. We both made a promise to each other very early on that we would keep checking in and evaluating the health of ourselves, our processes of getting over a breakup, and the state and wellbeing of our relationship as it blossomed and grew into what it is today. As long as we were both still growing individually and encouraging each other into happy and healthy people, then we would continue growing our relationship. We communicate openly and honestly about everything, we have been patient in allowing one another the space to mourn the loss of our marriages with empathy, and we have taken our time to rebuild ourselves, bringing our best selves to each other. It worked out that he also was looking to explore polyamory. We're both still new at this, but we talk about and work through every growing pain along the way.

Then along came my other partner. She and I had a connection right away. Our close friendship naturally grew into something more. She and my primary partner were also friends, and honestly, I think that really helps. It is just amazing to see the two of them talk and laugh and genuinely enjoy being around each other, and they both reach out to one another in their love for me. I was always clear about who RY was to me and what our relationship was, and so that helped lay the foundation for my second relationship. I check in a lot with her to make sure that she feels loved, seen, and heard, and that we have enough time in person together. It's fantastic that we can be things and do things with one another that just simply don't fit into our other relationships.

I have learned what my boundaries are (and the fact that I actually need boundaries) within myself to ensure that I remain intact and wholly my own, as well as a giving, loving, deeply connected partner. It was important for me to live by myself right now, not something I've ever done before. I made this choice for the past year because I know my codependent tendencies and I wanted to break out of that mold. I still struggle sometimes with not giving all of my energy to those I love. I must save some for myself and I have found ways to replenish that energy. Time and energy; I'm still learning how to balance these within a polyamorous life.

I continue to work on approaching every conversation with empathy and an open mind and heart. I continue to keep searching within myself and bring that self-awareness to my relationships. I continue to push myself to see a different way and live a different way. I continue to surround myself with open-minded people that see me, know me, support me, and love me in this new life I'm creating. I continue to take time to be by myself and breathe. I continue to search out new opportunities that challenge me and fulfill me. I continue to be a student of life. And I continue to lean into love.

I love you @resonantyes and @hbananer - thank you for this life.

[ejzah]

A/N: Well, after more than two years, this story is slowly coming to a close.

***

In Miss Blye’s Class, Part 37

The start of summer break meant more late nights and juggling of the different schedules. Deeks tried not to leave Caleb with his sitter too often, so he took him to the office whenever possible. When she wasn’t teaching college classes, Kensi also offered to stay with Caleb some of the time, insisting that it wouldnt be any trouble.

They spent the majority of their time outside of work together. More often than not, Kensi ended up at Deeks’ house, but she was getting a little more comfortable with letting him into her apartment, messiness aside.

Today, Deeks had a late meeting with a new client that kept him in the office until after six. He knew Caleb was fine and perfectly happy with Kensi, but he missed them both.

“Wow, you really are whipped, aren’t you?” Talia mused, when she found him hurriedly packing up his bag. As usual, she made herself at home, plopping in his desk chair.

“Yep. You jealous?”

“As if.” She scoffed at the suggestion, but Deeks noticed she shifted a little uncomfortably.

“That reminds me, how are things going with Sabatino? I heard he took you to that swanky little Japanese place,” Deeks said.

“Oh no, we are not talking about my love life.”

“Which implies that there’s a love life to talk about.”

“God, I hate lawyers,” she sighed. “So, what are you and the teacher doing tonight?”

“You could call her Kensi, you know,” Deeks reminded her without any heat.

“Eh, that’s no fun.”

“We’re going to a movie in the park. They’ve got some food trucks around and free popcorn. Caleb’s super excited.”

“How domestic,” Talia drawled.

“You’re welcome to come if you want,” Deeks offered. He imagined Talia sitting on a blanket in the grass and nearly snorted.

“Thanks, but I’m more of a IMAX kind of girl.” Tilting her head, she gave him a genuine smile. “You know, I don’t usually do the whole sappy, lovey-dovey thing—”

“Oh and here I thought the tongue girl thing was just an act,” he interrupted, and she flashed him a scowl, jabbing her finger at him.

“Hush. I’m being genuine here.” Without missing a beat, she continued, “I’m glad that you found someone who makes you this happy. You and Caleb deserve it.”

“Well, thanks, Talia.”

“Not to mention, I was getting really sick of your mopey, single father act.”

“As always, I feel so loved,” he said, slipping the strap of his bag over his head and settling it firmly on his shoulder. “See you later.”

***

The park was pretty full by the time Kensi, Deeks, and Caleb got themselves together, but they managed to find a nice square of grass to lay a blanket on and a couple chair. Predictably, Caleb has zero interest in staying put or the snacks Deeks had packed. He’d already eaten a taco, cheese sticks, and a snow cone and now was running back and forth at the back of the plot with a couple of other children.

He glanced over at Kensi, who sat cross-legged, her knee brushing against his, steadily working her way through a bag of trail mix. She dropped her head on his shoulder, tracking Caleb’s progress across the ground. He tumbled to the ground with an overly dramatic grunt and giggled when one of his new friends fell on top of him.

“You think he’ll make it to the movie?” she asked.

“Eh, I give it 50/50 odds. Especially if the sugar crash kicks in soon.”

“If he does fall asleep, then we can snuggle.”

“Nothing stopping us from snuggling now,” Deeks said. Wrapping his arms around Kensi’s waist, he fell back, taking her with him. Kensi went easily, tucking her legs through his and wriggling closer.

“Mm, this is nice,” she sighed. “I’m glad we don’t have to worry about someone seeing us and getting upset.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to mess with those PTO ladies,” he joked, and he felt Kensi snort against his cheek.

“Oh yeah, they’re terrifying.” She kissed the edge of his jaw. “You had those women eating out of your hands.” Deeks shrugged modestly at the assessment.

Moving around, Kensi made herself comfortable on his chest. Deeks closed his eyes, basking in the moment.

“How was class today?” he asked, eyes still closed. She’d just started a new section that would last eight weeks long, along with two other sections that ran for the majority of the summer.

“I have three students who could probably teach the class better than me, a bunch of athletic kids who have zero interest in learning Spanish during the summer, and then a handful who either seem genuinely engaged or at least want to pass,” Kensi answered.

He opened his eyes so he could look down at the top of Kensi’s head.

“Hey, don’t group all the athletic kids together. I played hockey and basketball in high school and I loved my foreign language class.”

Without lifting her head, Kensi added, “One of the football players fell asleep five minutes in and another tried to sneak in during the last five minutes just so he could take the quiz.”

“Ok, maybe they’re not the most dedicated of students,” Deeks allowed with a chuckle. “Are you still enjoying it at least?”

“Yes.” Kensi nodded into his shoulder. “Plus there’s the added benefit of getting paid.”

“Always nice.”

“How was the visitation yesterday? Caleb told me you were all going to a museum, but I didn’t get a chance to ask him about it today,” Kensi said.

Deeks sighed, his good mood slightly dampened by the mention of Monica.

According to their updated visitation contract, Monica had shown up at the library at the first week exactly at the time they’d agreed on beforehand. The entire visit, she’d been pleasant and engaged with Caleb, and he seemed to sincerely enjoy himself. However, Deeks had the sense she’d been trying to prove something as well. Or maybe that was just his bias and bitterness speaking. The next visit, she’d been 20 minutes late and the most recent one…

“She didn’t come.”

Kensi pushed up on his chest and gave him an incredulous look.

“I know,” he said, interpreting her expression. Even though he’d known it could be a possibility, he’d still be furious when they waited over an hour before she finally sent a short text saying she couldn’t make it.

“How was Caleb?”

“He seems to take it alright.” Deeks shrugged and shook his head, eyes flicking to Caleb playing. “I mean, he was disappointed at first, but after a little bit, he said he’d seen her another time. I did offer to let her come tomorrow instead, but she hasn’t responded yet.”

“I can’t believe it.” He heard the anger he felt in her voice. She snaked an arm up his chest to cup his cheek. “I’m sorry. Are you ok?”

“Yeah. I was furious in the moment. Now,” he shrugged. “I’m reigned to who Monica is. I can’t change that. I just hope Caleb doesn’t get too confused.”

“We’ll take it one day at a time,” Kensi said. He rolled her use of “we” around in his head, the thought of them working together as a unit, and smiled.

“I like the sound of that,” he murmured, kissing the side of Kensi’s head.

A few minutes later, the opening credits of the movie started, and Caleb made his way back to their blanket. He threw himself on top of them, wedging his little body between them.

“Oof, call your shots, kiddo!”

They rearranged themselves into a more comfortable configuration, settling down to watch the movie. With one arm behind Kensi’s back, and Caleb snuggled firmly between them, he knew this was true happiness.

[stregoniconiconii]

maybe it's because i've been working on my own transfem stevie fic for ages now and so i have my own very specific headcanons, but going through the tag is truly . it's not the greatest experience. for me. there are surface level reasons for this and also far more insidious reasons.

like there is the matter of me not really shipping steddie or harringrove. this is surface level. i just don't like either of their characters and i find the fans of the ships and those characters annoying. this is life in fandom. it means that most of the time, if i want to read a fic about stevie, i must also suffer reading about eddie or billy, neither of whom i care about. again, such is life. it's fine. ship what you want.

but. but. i do not like how transfem stevie gets written a lot of the time either. whether it's in posts or fics. there's a lot of ideas ppl spout that they have not actually examined. many of which feature transphobia/transmisogyny. and i have to see them. and it sucks.

bc. like. why do so many ppl write stevie's bf du jour as gay. like this is often specified. eddie is a gay man who has just found out that his boyfriend wants to be a woman. wow how does eddie feel about that? i dont care. thats what a lot of fics are about tho. yay. eddie isn't even gay, its just a popular headcanon. altho some ppl believe in it so much they've convinced themselves there are hints of it in canon. there isn't. there are some ppl out there who do feel at odds with transfem stevie and eddie dating bc they believe so strongly in gay eddie. which is fine. eddie can be bi. or straight. i think a bi realisation is fun and i think its even more fun when the bi realisation happens in reverse to what is expected. but there are a number of works out there that still insist on eddie calling himself gay. when he has a trans wife. and i do not like that. it feels invalidating to stevie's identity as a trans woman. it's also. it's not about stevie. it's about how her boyfriend feels about his partner transitioning. most of the time.

i also do not like so many ppl feeling the need to explain why stevie and robin aren't dating in this au. like. there's a few reasons why so many of those posts rub me the wrong way. there's some that are obvious. i distinctly remember a post that posited a PANSEXUAL robin and stevie attempting to have casual sex. first off. there's zero need to specify a pansexual robin. it can just be regular old lesbian robin bc lesbians are attracted to women and. forgive me stating the obvious here but. trans women are women.

that's just one post. but there are MANY that state that robin and stevie do not and will never date bc it is "disgusting". that is often the word used. disgusting. it's meant to be funny perhaps? some joke about stevie and robin being sisters and incest is gross. okay. well they aren't sisters. personal headcanon time but i dont think they see themselves as siblings, canonverse or otherwise. i think they're just friends. and i dont like seeing all these posts saying that kissing, having sex with, or dating a trans woman is "disgusting". it upsets me. more than once ive seen robin being upset with/at?? stevie for being attractive to her and still somehow unavailable to her. bc ? she knows that she does some gross/embarrassing thing? they know each other too well? so they can obviously never date. which is. honestly it's just confusing. do you think couples dont know the other farts? that they don't know each other? but again the image invoked is that being with a trans woman would be gross or embarrassing. that's not a fun thing to hear about.

sometimes the reason given is that they've known each other too long. they spent so much time only thinking of each other as friends that it's weird to think about the other in a romantic light. okay that can happen. but again this is usually accompanied with robin being like. kinda mad at stevie for being hot as a woman. so she's attracted to her? but not bc she knows her gross habits too well. but maybe if she had met her now, and not before she transitioned, then they may have gotten together. so the fact that robin knew her as a man is putting her off dating her? wow. that has some implications. i've seen many reasons as to why stevie and robin can't date, except really the most important one: that they don't want to. they're happier just being friends. it never occurred to them to start dating each other bc they're happy with the way they're relationship is. but that rarely comes up. the fact that it would be gross comes up far more often.

you don't have to write about stevie and robin dating. or having sex. or being anything other than friends if you just want them to be friends. seeing this same idea repeated over and over again, that it would be gross for them to be together, just makes it feel like you are overcompensating. like maybe you do believe they could date and be very happy, which actually would be fine. it's a niche au and has very little to do with canon so i don't think it means that you secretly want stobin to date in canon. but honestly? the way ppl speak against stobin dating in this sort of au implies that they are still primarily thinking of canon steve. in a transfem stevie au. which i think colours the way they talk about stevie's relationships, not just with robin but also with other characters. i think they are thinking of canon steve pretending to be a trans woman. which is. well, do i need to say it?

i also can't believe i need to say this but ppl who want to ship a lesbian and a man together will just do that. they already don't care. why would they jump through those hoops of genderbending a male character when they could just write what they want to write? no one is stopping them. you can post whatever you want on ao3, for better or worse, and if you actually delved into the tag you would see that the way transfem (or even cisfem) stobin is written is very different from canon stobin. there are completely different kinks going on. it's as asinine as believing that men will dress up as women to attack women in bathrooms, imo. like. they don't need to do all that, they can just attack women in bathrooms. and they often do. that thought might be too harsh but i do believe it's the same sort of sentiment.

i think that's sort of the crux of my issue with a lot of transfem stevie content. the idea of canon steve is too forefront in her creation. she is a woman but still male enough to date a gay man and also still male enough to not date a lesbian. and it's not about her. it's not about stevie. it's upsetting. i don't like it. i think transfem stevie deserves better.

[relenafanel]

wangxian HALLOWEEN [part 2]

choose your own adventure!

Modern AU - meet cute (all autumn/halloweeny vibes)

{I accidentally switched tenses. I’ll fix it later. Sorry!}

I have energy this month, let’s do a fun activity together. Keep the story going with your choices! I'll write the next part once the day-long poll has finished.

Part 2: what does wy say?

Pick the answer you like best. I encourage you to pick just based on vibes and/or what you want me to have to write rather than what makes the most reasonable plot. It's more fun that way!

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

It’s a week before his birthday! Wei Ying wakes up and can tell it’s going to be a good day. It might even be a good week! He has plans today to go out later with his siblings. It's rare that they all have a day off, and he's excited that they get to do what he wants to do.

And you never know! He might meet the love of his life during a ghostly historical tour!

Well. It's unlikely, but it just feels like that kind of day. One where anything can happen. He even woke up early, excited to start the day and go to a ghostly historical tour .

He's also excited it's finally cool enough out that he can put on his boots without sweating to death. Autumn is great!

The other day Jiang Yanli had hinted that she had a cake planned for him next week, and she always gave him the most thoughtful presents of something he'd mentioned needing in passing in like July. He was also looking forward to the PlayStation gift card Jiang Cheng inevitably bought him every year because he overthought things and then panicked.

But, he suspected Jiang Cheng used a vacation day so he could come hang out at the ghostly historical tour with them, so that was all that mattered. Truly. #YunmengBros.

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

The tour didn't start until 7:30 pm, after sunset, so he dragged his siblings to the autumn market first. His sister bought fresh local vegetables, and his brother found a cool sword replica he eyed obviously and then pretended he didn't care about. Wei Ying made eye contact with his sister, and they silently communicated over which one of them would buy it for him once his birthday rolled around.

But! Jiang Cheng's birthday wasn't first. Wei Ying's birthday was first. Which meant it was more important by 5 days! It was logic that worked as a child and logic that worked as an adult.

They all stopped at food vendors to grab something to eat. Wei Ying got a corn on the cob on a stick (it was fine) and some habanero tacos (very good). He ate everything quickly so they could get to the ghostly historical tour faster, and then had to wait for Jiang Yanli to decide what to eat and then eat it - the foodie - and for Jiang Cheng to decide what to eat and then eat it - the picky eater.

Eugh. Every time.

"You can get a dessert," Jiang Yanli pointed out to him in a gentle, amused tone. "You're going to be waiting a while."

“Yeah because Jiang Cheng eats like a grandma.”

“At least I don’t eat like starving orphan!” Jiang Cheng snapped. Then he paled. “Uh. I mean.”

Wei Ying shrugged. “Well it’s true.”

It was cool though. He had food security now! He bounced in his seat impatiently.

“Why are you looking forward to this so much?”

“Do you know the kind of haaaauuuuntings there are in the old part of town?”

“Sure?”

“It’s gonna be cool!”

⠄･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄

It was cool! They arrive at the meeting point after dark, the whole area felt spooky. There was a fog coming in off the bay! He couldn’t even plan how cool that was!!

They were 3 of 30 people, which was maybe more than Wei Ying would have guessed, but they were doing this close to Halloween so it made sense. There were entire families in attendance, which was very cute! Kids had so much joy in them. It was why he wanted one someday!

He looked around, still bouncing with energy, and spotted

the prettiest person he’d ever seen

Wow.

Wow! Maybe he would meet the love of his life!

“What are you looking at?” Jiang Cheng hissed when Wei Ying’s attention spent too long away from their tour guide.

“Nothing.”

“Oh,” his sister said, laughing behind her hand. “He looks very tall and kind.”

“He looks bitchy,” Jiang Cheng observed.

The three of them looked over at the same time. There was no subtly in the Jiang/Wei household.

“That’s the one!” Wei Ying said, giving his brother’s shoulder a punch. “I’m going to go talk with him.”

“Ok, have fun,” his sister said.

“We’re literally here because of you, jackass,” Jiang Cheng said. “Come back soon.”

That was really cute! So supportive.

Ok, ok, he was going! He sidled up next to the hottie and said ____.

Once the poll is finished I'll make a whole new post with the results and copy/paste the story with the continuation. tagged: wangxian halloween pollfic for future reference.

[littlexscarletxwitch]

── ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎ 𝗶 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂

paring: florence pugh x fem!reader

tag(s): angst-ish, fluff-ish, sfw, best friend's sister kinda trope, enemies to lover (but not so enemies), more like I like you but I act like I don't.

warning(s): grammatical errors, unedited, not proofread. Mentions of cheating, but not really (?)

word count: 2,307

note: I was scared to post this, because it's my first long fic (no that it's too long, but still) but I said fuck it. Also, Raffie is 19, meaning reader is 21. I want to keep on writing this trope for Florence ('best friend's sister'), but let me know your thoughts. Also, I suck at choosing titles so that was the best I could do. Was I listening to Taylor Swift while writing this and that's why Betty is named Betty? Yes, yes I was. I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistakes.

part 1 | part 2

The first thing Florence thought when she met you was: Wow, what an annoying little shit. 

You were loud, too loud for her liking. Couldn’t stay still and quiet for more than two minutes. Your whole presence annoyed her entirely. But she couldn’t do anything about it, since it was her little sister’s best friend who she was talking about. She had to learn how to tolerate you. She honestly didn’t understand what Raffie saw in you. In fact, Florence didn’t understand why her whole family liked you as well. 

Raffie met you in a pottery class, a class which Florence was pushing her to attend. But once her little sister came back home with you, she regretted ever pushing her so hard to take that stupid class. She even knew that her little sister didn’t like pottery, she just wanted for her to have some fun. She didn’t expect for her to meet you and turn Florence’s world all around. Ever since that class Raffie and you spent every living minute together, whether it was at her house, yours, or somewhere else messing around. Which meant that Florence was also around due to her parents telling her to  take care of her little sister. She felt as if you were a parasite in her life, but she was the only one that was suffering the symptoms. And she never seem to get rid of you. You were everywhere, suffocating her. Making every moment of her existence miserable. Or that's what she thought. Everytime she would look your way she would get this sick feeling in her stomach, which could only mean bad things, right?

She was so excited when she moved out of her parents house. Not only would it mean a new experience for her, a new life, but it would also mean not seeing your stupid face ever again. But all that came crashing down the second you walked through her front door, holding hands with some girl she never met before, and her little sister on your other side. 

A month. Only a month had passed since she last saw you. She thought you were already in her past, but there you were once again, right in front of her. Her heart started beating faster, a burning feeling in her chest, and she could swear the temperature in the room had risen. But it wasn’t possible, after all winter had just begun. She should be cold, not warm and all sweaty. 

You were a trembling mess. You didn’t want to come, you were only doing this for Raffie. You knew Florence hated you. Well, hate is a strong word, but you knew that was how she felt towards you, she made sure plenty of times to let you know that. Always giving you the death stare, or rolling her eyes everytime you said something. How she wouldn’t laugh at your jokes, even though everyone would .How she tried to stay as far away from you as she could. Every little thing she did to you only broke your heart. 

At first you tried your best to stay aways from the Pughs, for yours and Florence’s sake. But Raffie would never let you go, and deep down you thanked her, because your life would suck without her in it. Still you always tried your best to stay away from her blonde sister. You didn’t understand why the resentment from her, you didn’t do anything to her, at least anything that you were aware of. 

What hurt the most was that you really liked her. Yeah, how stupid of you to develop a crush on the one person that can’t even stand the sight of you. But how could you not? Yeah, she was a cold bitch to you when everyone was around. But from time to time, she would let her guard down and show you her true colors. Of course, that would only last a few minutes, her cold attitude would come back as soon as some else would be around you two. It would happen so fast, you’d think it was just a product of your imagination. Something that your brain would come up with to ease the heartache that she caused. 

“Hey, big sis!”

Raffie loved her sister and she loved you as well. And she didn’t understand why two of her favorite people couldn’t get along. Well, she actually knew the reason why. She could feel the tension everytime you two were in the same room. But if she had to be honest, it wasn't just tension, it was sexual tension. She knew it, her parents kinda knew it, god, even her big brother knew it. She just couldn’t figure out how you two didn’t come up with that. It was crystal clear. 

She knew you had a thing for her sister, it was written all over your face. She knew you better than yourself. But she also felt sad for you, knowing how her sister treated you. Most of the time Raffie wanted to slap some sense into her big sister. How could someone as smart as her be so clueless towards her own feelings? That’s why she would drag her sister to every adventure you two would have. And that was exactly why you were here, she kinda tricked you into visiting her sister, she knew that was wrong of her, but when you got into her car with Betty trailing behind you, she didn’t feel one bit of remorse. Raffie didn’t like Betty, she knew you were only with her to try to forget about Florence, although you would never admit that to her, and she could tell that it was working but she couldn’t have that. 

“Hey, you. What are you guys doing here?” Florence tried her best to hide her accusatory tone. She loved when her sister visited her, that’s the reason she gave her a spare key to her house, but she didn’t like that she brought you with her and whoever it was that was now holding you from your waist. 

She could tell by the firm grip that whoever it was, she and you were close, really close if you let her grab you like that. She felt her stomach clench once she noticed you wouldn’t do anything to get her hands off of you. She really wasn’t in the mood for this right now. 

“I just thought of stopping by and trying to convince you to hang out with us,” Raffie trailed off, looking at how her sister's eyes were fixed on the person next to you. “Oh, how silly of me. Um, this is Betty, Y/n’s… um…” Last thing you told Raffie about Betty was that you were still figuring things out between the two of you. So what were you two exactly? She didn’t want to say that Betty was your friend, because she wasn’t. But she didn’t feel like saying girlfriend either. 

“Girlfriend”. You finished for her. Hearing you said it outloud made you feel even worse. Yeah, Betty was a sweet girl, she cared for you deeply. And so did you, but not in a romantic way, like she did. You didn’t know what came over you to say that. You actually didn’t mean to say it, but deep down you wanted to see Florence’s reaction to your news. Would she like this? Would she mind? Would she not like this? You couldn’t tell what the fuck was going on through her mind. She just smiled at Betty and introduced herself. 

“So, what do you say Flo? Please come with us, we will have so much fun.” You knew what Raffie was doing, she was giving her sister the puppy eyes look, so she couldn't say no. You cursed your best friend, this was not what you had in mind when Raffie let you know that she was picking you up. You were begging to the universe that Florence would say no. You didn’t want to be there anymore. The tension was suffocating you, you weren’t sure if you could take a few more minutes of this, let alone hours.

Florence could tell that you were uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her, or this whole situation. She knew how to read your body language, she used to spend hours analyzing you, or so she told herself, convinced that she wasn’t staring at you. Making sure every reaction stayed engraved in her mind. She didn’t know why she did that. Everytime she would look your way this burning feeling would come into her stomach, her hands would start to sweat and her heart would not work properly. It would only stop once she looked away from you, but she didn’t want to. Deep down she enjoyed that burning feeling, and wanted more of it. So just for enjoyment she agreed to come with all of you. 

The drive to the new restaurant Raffie wanted to go wasn’t that bad. Yeah, the tension was still there, but Florence was too focused on telling her sister what she had been doing for the past month, and Betty was a nice distraction. She was whispering in your ear, as if telling you her biggest secrets. When in reality it was just the last movie she watched with her siblings. Which you found quite sweet, but you weren’t really paying attention to her. You tried your best to listen to her, but your hearing would only focus on Florence’s sweet raspy voice. God, you missed that voice. 

Once you all got there, Florence said: “You guys go ahead and get us a table, I need to talk to Y/n for a second.” It took you by surprise, there weren’t many times where Florence herself asked you to be alone with you. 

You looked at your best friend, confusion written all over your face, what the hell did she want? To be honest, you were scared, if she wanted to talk to you alone, it didn’t mean anything good. Still, you nodded to Raffie, telling her that you would be okay. 

Florence waited until Betty and Raffie were inside, giving her a few seconds to order her thoughts. Now, what? She didn’t know exactly what she was doing, she wasn’t thinking, she was just doing. You always had that power over her, unbeknownst to you. You made a mess out of her. Florence didn’t like how her whole body reacted to you, especially when it was just the two of you.

“What do you want?” You couldn’t take the silence any longer. 

“I, um, what’s with this Betty? She wasn’t in the picture when I moved out.”

“Yeah, well, you tend to miss out on things once you move out. What's your deal?”. The last part came out harsher from your mouth than you thought it would. You didn’t want to be mean to her, but you didn’t know what all of this was about. You were just being defensive. 

“I just don’t think she’s good for you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, I don’t think she’s good for you.”

“And how would you know that, huh?”

“Because I know you.” You weren’t expecting her to say that. “I know that you didn’t want to come here. I know you only put up with me because of Raffie, because you love her. I know that you’re not sure about Betty, Raffie confirmed my suspicions.” You didn't know when your best friend gave you away but you were going to have a word with her. “I know that you’re uncomfortable right now because you’re doing that thing with your lip.” You stopped sucking at your bottom lip. “I know what’s good for you, and I know Betty isn’t. I know I can be mean towards you, but it just, ah, fuck…” She trailed off. 

“Is just what?”

“See you're doing it right now.”

“I’m not doing anything, Flor–”

“Oh, but you are. You, you make my stomach burn, and my hands start to sweat, and I keep on losing my train of thought just looking at you. Just please, make it stop. I don’t wanna feel this any–.” Without thinking, you cut her off, smashing your lips against hers. 

You were freaking out on the inside, what if she didn’t like this? What if this wasn’t what she was implying? What if she pushed you away? What if she got mad at you, and then Raffie would get mad at you? 

But all your worries flew away as soon as you felt her relax under your touch. So, that was it. That was what you both were seeking. All those stupid little arguments. All those death glares were so worth it if it all meant that it would lead you both to this moment. It was everything you ever dreamed of, she was everything you ever dreamed of.  

Her lips were soft against yours, they fitted perfectly, as if they were only meant to kiss your lips and your lips only. She tasted mint and cigarettes. You knew she smoked from time to time, and although you didn’t smoke, her smoker's breath became your favorite thing.

You couldn’t get enough of her. Your hands were on her waist, making sure she wouldn’t run away from you anymore. She bit your bottom lip, a soft moan coming out of your mouth, followed by her chuckling. As you both moved apart from each other to breathe, you both had a smile plastered on your faces. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this moment.” You pecked her lips one more time. 

“Oh, I think I do.” She smiled at you, wrapping her arms around you, kissing you again. 

What the fuck were you going to tell Betty?

Likes, reblogs and comments are appreciated! <3

-M

[loveabledirtbag]

2.01 - beef

HERE WE GO SEASON TWO WOW OKAY!

right off the bat: that opening. such a tonal shift from season one. it’s dark, shadowy, calm, quiet. it’s the exact opposite of the opening of season one. truly telling us, the audience, that this is a different show now. PLUS it starts with marcus, not carmy. or even syd. it’s perfect. we’re being told “this is an ensemble and you’re gonna learn a lot about all the characters this season”.

plus the fact that marcus is so sweet to his mom. ugh, it breaks my heart. i just want all good things for marcus.

scraping the ice on his windshield physically hurts me to watch. i’m parking in the first garage of my adult life, and don’t have to deal with street parking and frost scraping anymore and it’s WILD.

the quiet intro of the bruce hornsby is so beautifully done. “the show must go on”. but it’s also the kind of dad rock that dominates so much of this season.

watching the beef sign get taken down is wild. truly wild. like, you kinda knew it was gonna happen, but then YOU SEE IT happen. you can see it on carmy’s face: the trauma, the guilt, the weight, the significance. and it’s being taken down so he can have a chance to make something new.

and there’s just something about the first lines in the beef/bear as everyone talks budget. carmy is different. the crew is different. there’s a familiarity that seems more mature and authentic than in the last season.

plus seeing that carmy is a chef and only a chef for a reason is really fun. because i get it. math is hard. fuck math. watching him struggle with math is very affirming.

i love that in the basement we see a canning machine, with a label on it that says KBL, showing us the audience how mikey put the money in the tomato cans last season. BUT it also leaves me to question….carmy spent almost every waking moment at the beef last season, obsessively cleaning and trying to keep it afloat. he also wondered about why mikey was making payments to KBL electric and what it all meant…he didn’t go down to the basement at all? not once? see a canner that said KBL on it? think to himself “hmmm, that’s odd. maybe i should check these cans of tomato’s we have?” idk. i get that we have to tie up the relative plot hole of “how did mikey stick money in cans of tomato’s”. but it opens another can (haha 🙄) of worms of how didn’t carmy see this. i find it hard to believe he didn’t spend any time in the basement, since he was obsessed with the restaurant. and not noticing a giant machine that puts lids on cans would be hard.

i love that season one truly broke down richie, and right away into season two we get a richie who clearly wants more out of life. he realizes he’s been wrong and hurting and he’s trying to get back on track. plus, more characterization of the fact that richie reads a lot and reads good books, as he brings up the story. but right away you see richie’s arch this season: purpose, growth.

not to mention, i love the emotional intimacy between the two. that richie sort of bears his soul to carmy about his fears of being left behind, and of not finding his purpose. carmy saying he loves richie, and then when he realizes that richie is hurting telling him that he has time for richie. something fundamental happened last season and these two really found a level i don’t think they ever had before. richie is older than carmy, he’s mikey’s friend. he might have been invited to family gatherings and events, but most likely acted towards carmy like an older “cousin” would to a younger one. just kinda talking down and ignoring and not respecting them fully as they grow up. we saw this with the fact that multiple times throughout season one richie calls carmy a “baby”. and not because carmy was whining or crying, but because carmy was just so young. but after everything from last season, the toxic masculinity that surrounded these two (especially richie) is giving way to an emotional connection that is really sweet.

i love the admittance of richie’s age. there’s an unspoken rule in tv that you don’t give peoples ages too willingly, because if a character “ages out” of the marketable bracket the “audience will lose interest”. which is bullshit, but execs will always push to keep a characters age in a liminal paradoxical sub space somewhere between 25-35. so they’re not too young that they can’t be respected as adults, but not too old that you don’t care about them because they’re “boring and not cool”. it’s why on the show friends monica and rachel start in season one as 25/26 years old, and then turn 30 in season seven. they fucked with the timeline just to make sure that the friends remained young and cool enough to watch. so for richie to be 45, is both intentionally pushing him out of the “cool” age bracket to execs behind the scenes, which is what richie is worried about in the scene. he’s old and worried he can’t find his purpose.

but how richie’s problem and his season long arch perfectly sets up carmy’s problem and his season long arch is amazing: fun. enjoyment. you have your job and then you have what you do for yourself that isn’t monetized, isn’t going back to being “work stuff” but is just for you. and richie assuming carmy has fun with cooking and restaurant stuff because it’s ALL he does, and carmy admitting it’s not “fun” for him. ugh. it’s beautiful.

also, in the old photos that richie is looking at. i never noticed until this watch through that there’s one of gillian jacob’s as tiff, richie’s wife. i just assumed she was introduced in the flashback episode. but they had a little tease right at the beginning of the season. which is more than they needed to do. which is why i love this show.

also, THE ORIGINAL BERF shirt! i love it. didn’t want that to go without saying anything. “printing mistake. collectors item.”

the admittance that chester is gonna watch marcus’s mom while he’s at work….THATS A GOOD ROOMMATE. like….romantic partner level good. again, i’m starting this season off by coming back on my bullshit that marcus has a romantic energy with just about everyone, and that includes chester. i am a marcus x chester fan.

that we saw fak talking to ballbreaker in the last episode of season one (and ballbreaker talking back…) and now he’s bringing it home. it’s concerning…

the quick scenes of ebra looking unsure of everything…

“i thought i wanted some and then i wanted throw up.” oh. so nat’s pregnant. like. the moment she said that i was like “ah. nat’s pregnant.” i love that abby elliot was actually pregnant while filming season two. i’m sure that they wrote her pregnancy into the show. which i love instead of trying to hide it.

the long talk of how absolutely stupidly annoyingly COMPLICATED AND TIME CONSUMING AND CONVOLUTED it is to get a restaurant started is so on point. it hits hard. just reps after reps after reps.

and the fact that that conversation is capped by syd saying “we just gotta stay calm” and then falling right through a wall….art. artistry. poetry. amazing.

i love richie doing a breathing exercise so that he can properly explain his anger without it just being a meaningless explosion of anger. he’s angry because syd fell through a wall and ripped the fenway poster. and the red sox were mikey’s favorite baseball team. this is about mikey, and honoring his memory, not just a random outburst. and he can explain that because he took the time to breathe, and to properly communicate that, which made everyone understand and empathize for him. instead of react to his anger. emotional and mental maturity, folks! it’s great.

also richie’s explanation that the wall is plaster because mikey wanted to burn the place down for insurance money…..uffda. again, it’s hard to marry everything we know of mikey together: he was so charming, personable, charismatic in the scene we saw of him in season one. but he was selling and using coke, he wanted to burn down the restaurant…and we see so much darker stuff from him later this season. it’s just a little hard to believe that the happy mikey is the same as the dark and depressed mikey. but obvious addiction can have a major influence on people’s attitudes.

the fact that the alarm goes off and carmy’s first thought is “….is that in my head?” really tells you a lot about carmy’s head.

the fact that when carmy tells cicero that mikey was telling the truth about franchising the restaurant, but cicero’s first thought was “the petting zoo? mini golf?” really paints a grim picture of mikey’s brain and relationship with cicero.

“how does that [alarm] not drive you nuts?” “i don’t mind it”. once again showing that carmy has this thing in him that kind of enjoys pain. he “dug throwing up before shift everyday”, and other stuff in season one.

the hinting of getting a star, which crops up a few times this season, tells me that season three is almost undoubtedly going to be about getting a star. even though i’m with carmy; fuck stars. you have to pay to get them, and the first one is the only one about food.

“can i tell you a story about complete and utter failure…?” - cicero trying to tell this story for the first time this season, which is interrupted by carmy saying that if they don’t pay back the loan cicero gives them in 18 months the building and lot and business is completely cicero’s

carmy giving that proposition is an interesting plot point. because it could be a major thing in season three, or they could blow past it and not even mention it. BUT even if they don’t make the loan payment and ownership goes to cicero, he could choose to keep the restaurant going and have everyone keep working for him (which would make more sense to keep his character in the show, in a behind the scenes kind of way). so, we’ll see what happens.

i think almost every single scene with tina this whole season makes me wanna cry. syd asking tina to be her sous, and tina thinking that syd is asking tina to ask around for a sous is just so good. and then her big hug as tina realizing syd wants her to be the sous. UGH. tina is just so good!

OK. SO. the scene where everyone’s going home, and it’s just syd and carm and they’re talking about how weird it feels to go home so early, but there’s only so much you can do without permits. 1) it’s SO relatable. anytime you’re expecting to be in the weeds and have that sweaty, fast paced, rush feeling and instead you get nothing it just feels….wrong. like empty. even though it means you’re not stressed for a night. 2) there’s just a vibe of carmy and syd being a little romantical. there’s a little second beat as they look at each other where i was like “ohhhhh!” and then nothing happens. but it’s there, right? just a bit?

the unsettling quiet as carmy sits at his apartment just at a loss for what to do and how to be still. and then staring at his chef jacket and the song. the CLASSIC song from season one. that new noise. it plays and you just go “yeah….we’re back.”

i love the camaraderie as carmy comes back to the bear and syd and nat are already there. and then the montage as they set up a schedule and print inspo and we see the hours tick by. it scratched an itch that i miss. i miss the feeling of starting a place and just the overwhelming amount of work involved in it. how the hours tick by.

and that’s the episode. ugh. it’s so good! the vibe, the pacing. everything it sets up. so so so good. i love it.

SEASON ONE: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight

SEASON TWO: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten