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bts-reveries · 4 years ago

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mini me | 28

+ photos! <3

“Hello,” you say when you open the sliding door to finally let Taehyung in.

“You’re mean,” he pouts, walking through the door and wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulders.

“K-Kim Taehyung! My legs!” You yell in panic when he leans all his weight on you, causing you to stumble, falling on your butt and dragging him down with you.

“Ah!” You yell.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” he says, getting up quickly to help you up. You couldn’t help but laugh as you grab his hands.

“It’s okay, you should’ve warned me,” you laugh.

“Are you okay auntie,” Sian asks as he watched the whole thing.

“Yes Sianie, I’m fine,” you tell him. He then walks over to Taehyung, slapping him on the arm.

“Stop being mean to her,” he says as he walked out of the sliding door. A juice box in his hand.

“Wow you turned one of my nephews against me,” Taehyung tells you with a straight face. You laugh, shrugging.

“Sorry babe,” you say, tippy toeing to place a kiss on his cheek. You quickly slipped past him afterwards to join everyone outside.

“I literally just came back from there!” Taehyung calls out as he watches you leave. He groans, walking out into the yard once again.

“Sian, where are you going?” You ask as you watch the little boy run off. He points by the lake and you see Jungkook and Rina skipping rocks together.

“Okay, be careful though buddy,” you tell him, making sure he got to where his parents were at safely.

“Yoongi and Seokjin hyung are making dinner, the Park family are taking a walk over there,” Taehyung tells you as he walked over to where you stood, pointing far into the field. “Namjoon hyung, Byul, and Moonji are reading over there,” he points to a picnic table by the water. “Hoseok is with Huimang somewhere, I don’t really know where though.” You nod, you didn’t tell him that you were looking for anyone, but you were wondering about it. The rest of the group which were Mae and her kids, Sohyun and Hana, Sarang, and your son, were running around in the field in front of you.

“Uncle Tae!” Soojin and Hana call, running towards Taehyung.

“Auntie Yn!” Minseok calls, Haneul was running by his side, holding to his older brother’s hand.

“Mommy you came out!” Youngjae yells, laughing as the three little boys run towards you, knocking you over. Taehyung bursts out laughing as he picks up the two girls, carrying one on each side.

“Be careful you two, Auntie Yn’s legs are made out of jelly right now,” Taehyung tells them.

“Yummy!” Haneul says, licking his lips.

“Sian!” Rina calls as the three of them are looking for rocks to skip over the lake.

“I found a heart!” He yells as he runs through the rocks.

“Be careful!” Rina says as she walks towards him, afraid he’ll fall and hurt himself over the rocks.

“Look!” Sian says, handing her a rock. Rina laughs as he gives her the “heart” he found.

“Hey babe!” Rina calls out to Jungkook. He was busy skipping rocks to notice the two.

“Sianie found your heart,” she laughs out. Jungkook turns around confused.

“Huh?” He says, walking over to them both.

“I found a heart rock,” Sian said proudly.

“Let me see,” Jungkook says, looking over the rock Rina was taking a photo of.

“We should give daddy his heart back,” she says, handing it to Jungkook.

“Are you saying my heart’s made out of stone,” Jungkook says, taking the rock from her.

Rina giggles. “Duh.”

Jungkook drops the rock and wraps his arms around Rina, starting to tickle her.

“You’re saying I don’t have feelings,” he questions, “huh?” Rina burst out laughing, trying to pry his hands away from her body.

“Go away!” She laughs. Jungkook and her were just laughing at one another, clearly having some fun.

“Obviously,” Sian says, annoyed. “You lost my rock!” He complains, squatting on the floor, trying to find where his dad dropped the rock he found him.

“Waah, look Gyu,” Jimin points out, squatting down when he saw a little lizard.

“No no no,” Gyu says, backing up and hugging Yuna’s legs.

“Don’t be scared, it’s just a little friend,” Yuna reassures him, trying to get Mingyu closer to his dad.

“No no,” he mumbles. No has been his favorite word recently.

“Okay you want to go walk more?” Yuna asks. Little Mingyu nods, already running off.

“He’s really growing up so fast isn’t he,” Jimin says, getting up and walking towards Yuna, intertwining his hands with hers.

She pouts at what Jimin says. “Yeah…. But we should save that for later and catch up to him because he is getting too far,” she rushes, running after her son while pulling Jimin along with him.

“YAH PARK MINGYU!”

“What does this say,” Moonji asks, pointing to her book and showing her dad. Namjoon looks over her book.

“Moon,” he tells her. Moonji’s eyes light up and her jaw drops.

“That’s my name!”

“Almost,” Namjoon tells her, smiling down at his daughter as he looked down at her book with pure joy.

“I’m in the book, look!” She tells Byul.

“You are! Isn’t that so cool?” she says. Moonji nods, scooting closer to Byul and showing her her book.

“Can you read it for me please,” she asks sweetly.

“Aww, of course baby,” Byul says, putting a bookmark in her book and setting in aside. “Come sit on my lap,” she says, picking up Moonji and setting her on her lap.

“Start from the beginning!” Moonji says excitedly, kicking her little feet, making Byul laugh.

“Okay okay,” she says. Namjoon looks over his book at them and he couldn’t help but smile at this wholesome moment.

“We have to read quietly though so daddy can focus on his book okay?”

“No it’s fine, I want to hear too,” Namjoon says, putting a bookmark in and closing his book as well, setting that aside.

“Okay, so let’s begin…”

“Daddy look!” Huimang pointed, running after a little squirrel. A worried expression was written over Hoseok’s face.

“Aigoo-- Hope-ah, don’t follow it, it might attack you,” he says, afraid to go near her.

“No, squirrels are nice!” She says, squatting down and looking at the small creature.

“No, no they’re not, let’s go,” he says, holding out his hand for his daughter to grab.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says as she turns around, looking angry. “If you got attacked we’d both be sad and then I’d be scared of what your mom will do to me if she finds out I let you get eaten by a squirrel.”

“I’m too big to be eaten,” she mumbles, kicking at the ground as she holds onto her dad’s hand. Both of them were walking back to where everyone else was at.

“No you’re not,” he says. “You’re still by little Hopie,” he says in a high voice, smiling down at his daughter.

“I’m not,” she says, looking up at him.

“You’re like 7, you really wanna mess with me?”

“And you’re afraid of squirrels.”

“Aish— y-yah!”

“How are you two doing?” Sohyun asks, walking into the kitchen where Seokjin and Yoongi were preparing the food. Yoongi turns around with tears running down his face. He was cutting up some onions.

“AHAHA, WAIT DON’T MOVE,” Sohyun yells, taking out her phone.

“Is everyone back?” Seokjin asks, turning to look at her.

“Mae and Sarang are inside with the kids. Taehyung, Yn, and Youngjae went somewhere. Jimin, Yuna, and Gyu just got back from their walk so they’re inside the house. Namjoon, Byul, and Moonji are still reading, Hoseok and Huimang are nowhere to be found. Jungkook, Rina, and Sian are by the lake.”

“So they’re… not back?” Jin asks.

“In ways, yes~”

“Well we’re not done cooking yet so it’s okay,” Yoongi says, putting the knife he was using in the sink and walking to the bathroom to wash his face.

“Do you two need any help though?” Sohyun asks. Jin looks around.

“Yeah, can you cut up some of those vegetables that Yoongi washed?”

“I was hoping you were gonna say no… but okay~”

“How do you do it?” Sarang asks Mae, her hands on her hips.

“Do what?” She laughs.

“Having three kids, taking care of them most of the time by yourself?”

“Ah~ yeah… I don’t know,” she laughs. “Minseok’s pretty much the easy kid. He helps me out with his siblings. Soojin can be a little sassy and have an attitude, but she’s fairly easy to work with. Haneul.. Haneul’s the little devil child. Ironically. He’s starting to be a handful, but overall, he’s really sweet so I guess where I’m going from here is that it feels less like work when you love what you’re doing. And they’re my whole heart so,” Mae shrugs.

“Why?” She then asks Sarang. It was her turn to shrug.

“I want to have more kids in the future of course. But it’s been so long since I had Hope. I don’t know if I can do it again,” she confesses.

“You were able to do it by yourself then, it’ll be a piece of cake now with all of us with you,” Mae tells her. “Especially with Hobi and Huimang by your side.”

“That’s true…”

“Aunsie Salang,” Haneul calls, walking over to Sarang. “Up up!” He says, reaching his arms up for him to get carried.

“He can sense that you want another one,” Mae whispers to her.

“They can do that…?”

“Where are we going now?” You ask as Taehyung leads you to the boat house.

“Since your legs hurt, we can’t really do much that involves the outdoors and sitting,” he says, grabbing a few life jackets. “I figured we should go on a little canoe ride. It’ll be fun. Put this on,” he tells you, handing you a life jacket while he puts one on your son.

“Are you okay with going in a canoe in the water?” Taehyung asks Youngjae.

“Yeah I love it! I don’t know if mommy would though…” he answers. Taehyung looks over at you and tilts his head.

“Are you afraid of the water?” He asks. You were hesitating in putting the life jacket on, but you did so, ever so slowly.

“It’s not my favorite.”

“She gets scared of not knowing what’s underneath,” Youngjae says, totally exposing you. “She’ll probably cry,” he says nonchalantly.

“No one asked you Youngjae.”

“I’ll be there with both of you, so don’t worry. It’ll be fun,” Taehyung says, walking over to you and strapping the jacket on for you.

“If anything happens, you can yell at me~”

The three of you sat in the canoe, you refused to go sit by yourself but Youngjae didn’t want to sit with you either. Instead, he sat in one end of the canoe while you sat in between Taehyung’s legs. You were as frozen as a board when Taehyung began rowing to the middle of the lake.

“I like it~” Youngjae says, admiring the view.

“It’s nice huh?” Taehyung says, agreeing. For you though, you were too focused on not moving so that the canoe wouldn’t tip. It didn’t register in your mind that the weight in the canoe wasn’t balanced well since Youngjae was obviously lighter than both you and Taehyung so having him sit by himself was not a good idea.

“Babe,” Taehyung laughs, “you can… breathe.. you know? Your breathing is not going to make us off balanced.” You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he said this.

“Okay,” you say. You tried to breathe evenly, trying to calm yourself down. Taehyung tried to help by wrapping his arms around you and hugging you tightly.

“We’ll be okay, don’t worry,” he says, planting a kiss on your cheek. Feeling a lot comfortable, you lean into him and your body just melts into his chest. “Feeling relaxed now?” He asks. You nod your head.

“Yay!” Youngjae yells out, clapping his hands. At this time, Taehyung’s phone started ringing, catching you three off guard and making all three of you jump slightly. The canoe started rocking and you froze again.

“Youngjae-ah can you hand me my phone please?” Taehyung asks calmly, you were holding onto his arm very tightly at this point.

“Here you go,” Youngjae says, handing him the still ringing phone.

“Oh I don’t know who this is,” Taehyung says, looking at the number. He answers it anyways.

“Hello?”

You lean into his chest, trying to listen to who was calling. “Who is it?” You whisper.

“Really?” He says, surprised.

“What’s they say?!” Youngjae says from across you two.

“Yes. Yes thank you so much. I will. Okay. I’ll see you then. Thank you,” he says, ending the call and putting his phone down.

“Who was it?” You asked. Taehyung wraps one arm around you, throwing the other arm into the air.

“I MADE IT IN!” He yells.

“You made it?!” Youngjae says excitedly. He had a huge smile on his face that quickly dropped. “Wait you made it in what?” Youngjae asked confused. You turn your head around when you realize what he was talking about.

“Wait, the exhibition?!” You say, your eyes widening. Taehyung was looking down at you, smiling.

“Yeah I made it in,” he says.

“OH MY GOSH YOU MADE IT IN?!” You say, finally joining in with his excitement. Your fear of being in this canoe in the middle of the lake was no longer in your mind. Your upper body was turned towards Taehyung and you lifted your hands up to hold his face.

“I’m so proud of you,” you tell him, leaning in to give him a little kiss.

“Me too! Me too!” Youngjae yells, jumping up from his seat in excitement. The sudden move made the canoe rock from side to side, your chest quickly tightening.

“CHOI YOUNGJAE!” You yell in fear that the canoe would knock over. Youngjae quickly sits back down in an attempt to stop it from rocking. As it stopped swaying, Taehyung grabbed the paddles and started rowing back towards the boat house.

“We can celebrate on shore where we won’t fall onto the water from excitement,” Taehyung says, trying to bite back a laugh. You were still holding onto him pretty tightly.

When the three of you got back on the boat house, life jackets off, Youngjae yelled with joy running to Taehyung to congratulate him.

“YAY WE KNEW YOU COULD MAKE IT!” He tells him. Taehyung leans down to pick him up, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I’m proud of you~” Youngjae says, rubbing his nose against Taehyung’s.

“I am too, let me join in there,” you say to your two boys, attempting to squeeze in.

Taehyung lifts his arm up for you to come in to.

“We can’t wait to see your exhibition honey,” you tell him, tippy toeing to give him another kiss.

“Yah!” You two’s eyes open in the middle of the kiss, looking to the side for who just yelled at you three.

“Uncle Yoongi!” Youngjae pointed.

“We’ve been waiting for you three. Come on, let’s go eat,” he says, motioning for you two to come along as he waddled away~

After your early dinner, you and Taehyung decided to go off on your own little date. Youngjae was back in the house with the kids and their parents, so you and Taehyung were all... alone.

“Here again?” You say, standing on the boat house with a life jacket on while Taehyung hopped into the canoe.

“It’ll be nice and relaxing with just the two of us, we’ll be balanced,” he says, reaching for your hand and helping you into the canoe.

You whine as it started rocking when you stepped in.

“Babe, you’ll be okay,” Taehyung says, laughing at your reaction. “And if you happen to fall in, you’re wearing a life jacket!” He tugs onto the jacket, making sure it’s on well.

“Let’s hope I don’t fall in,” you say, gently sitting down on the other side of the canoe. Taehyung smiles as he’s rowing to the center off the lake.

“So I know we haven’t been officially together for a while,” he says, putting the paddles back into the canoe when you two reached the center. “But I really do enjoy all the times we spend together, both with Youngjae and times like this where it’s just us.” You nod along to what he was saying, you really did enjoy it as well. It wasn’t the same as when you were dating Youngdo when you were younger. It was much much different now. In the best way possible.

“I know things didn’t go well in your previous relationship because of how fast everything seemed to happen, with Youngjae coming along and the two of you having to get married when you two were still pretty young...” He says. You didn’t know where he was going with this. “I know we’re going a little fast too, but I just wanted to let you know that even though we are, somewhat, a little family right now, we can take things slow, while going fast all at the same time,” he says, tilting his head and looking up.

“Does that make any sense?” He says, looking back at you. You laugh, shaking your head.

“Somewhat,” you tell him. “Youngjae has been wanting to call you dad or daddy, but he’s been to shy to do so. Then I was wondering if that was going too fast considering we just started dating.”

“I wouldn’t mind. Like I said before, I’ve been wanting this for so long, I wouldn’t mind going a little fast. But what I’m trying to say about going both fast and slow at the same time is us being a little family. You know, going on trips together, taking Youngjae to school in the morning, picking him up in the afternoon. Taking him on doctors appointments, celebrating his birthday together, you know, the usual things. Of course his other dad will do this with him too, but I want to do it on the times where I can. And by going slow, we’re obviously not going to have a kid anytime soon, or get married… maybe next year,” he laughs.

“Maybe after everyone else that’s not married yet, gets married,” you laugh. “But yes, I completely understand and I really do want you to be there with me and Youngjae through everything. We didn’t get that half his life, and although we’re both okay with not being with someone… it feels… nice having someone to love us both and do the things we love together. And I’m glad it’s with you.”

Taehyung then gets up, balancing on the canoe, your eyes widen as it starts to rock back and forth again.

“Kim Taehyung we were having such a nice moment, what the heck are you doing?”

“Trying to get closer to you,” he says, your grab onto the canoe tightens as he gets closer.

When he sits down in front of you, he holds onto your hands and sigh, looking into your eyes.

“I’m so glad I waited this long,” he says.

“And I’m glad I get a second shot at love.”

mini me

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ part twenty-eight: second shot at love ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

pairings: artist!taehyung x singlemom!reader

a/n: there’s still a finale so it’s not over over yet

taglist: @heartfeltscribblings @taexmichi @prdshobi @smarshere @i-swear-im-a-soft-stan @igotarmyofarohas @butterflylion @miagracegrande @casspirit0705 @ephyra1230 @cosmicdaylight @bbyjoonies @betysotelo18 @strwberry-jam @rjsmochii @chocobetterknot @notmontae97 @alpaca1612 @yoongistruth @dragonqueen01 @silentlyimpractical @hecticwonderer @joanc24 @hopesvlle @momma-said-that-it-was-oke @sweetmoonlight9 @samros95 @dreamcatcherjiah @sonderkook @taekookcaneatme @listless-losers @kookietsukkie @goldenchemistry @salty-for-suga @peoplejustcanthandlemywierdness @softboyfriendtae @raplineh0e @ess-place @callmepaopao @ggukvii @ramyagovindraj @yoongiverse @mipetronella @cloudy-skys @jikachoo @nxtrogers @kookoo-kachoo @taestannie @hispoutylips @hallofbtsmasterlist

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!

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averyonelovesjack · 4 years ago

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learning to raise a baby ~ daniel seavey

requested: yes:)

Can you please do an cute imagine about y/n and Daniel having a baby together and taking care of the baby and figuring the parenting stuff out together. Ur amazing

summary: follow a few different events in the life of daniel and y/n learning to raise a baby.

warning(s): baby, literally too lazy to edit this i’ll come back later lmao

word count: 2608

author’s note: i have such baby fever omg

disclaimer: i def need to clarify that i am 18 years old and do not have a baby and i have no close friends with babies (in person, at least) therefore this is purely fiction. i watch a LOT (i mean A LOT) of family vloggers and like teen mom accounts raising their kids, so basically all of my knowledge comes from that. i hope no one takes offence to my depiction of it, but my intention is purely just to write this cute fic idea, and i don’t want to pretend like i know anything about parenting or raising a child or anything like that!! okay that’s all!!

I could barely see my feet as I painfully took in another breath of air and started walking forward. Awoken at 3am with terrible back pain and a pool of amniotic fluid at my waist, Daniel and I now rushed to grab our hospital bag and make our way to the labor and delivery section of our nearest hospital.

everything went so fast. before i was actively having a child, it felt like my pregnancy would never end, but now that it’s actually happening and i’m having a child, it felt like pregnancy flew by.

just a few days ago, i was sitting on the countertop in my bathroom, impatiently waiting to see if i was pregnant or not in hopes that daniel wouldn’t get home from the studio early and find me. i had just given daniel the surprise of his lifetime when i woke him up at four am to tell him i was pregnant because i just couldn’t keep it from him anymore to do a fun reveal. i remember how we both cried, too excited to even go back to sleep.

just a few days ago, daniel and i were sitting in my obstetrician’s office as we got to hear our eight week old fetus’ heartbeat for the first time. we both cried. it feels like just a day or two ago we cut into a pink colored cake and found out that our precious baby girl would be coming. all of the breakdowns about what stroller to buy and which crib matches the nursey best felt like just moments ago. and now, all of a sudden, i’m ten hours into labor and i’m ready to push.

pushing was painful, but the thought of holding a sweet babygirl soon just kept me going. daniel squeezed my hand tight, standing by the end of the bed watching our beautiful daughter make her way into the world.

i gave the final push and soon i heard a cry that made everything in the whole world worth it. they say you never truly understand love until you’ve had a child, and as soon as i held our daughter, i felt an overwhelming sense of truth in that statement. i never knew such a distinct moment could be the greatest day of my life, but as soon as i laid my eyes on her, i knew that i would never get a day greater than this one.

our daughter laid on my chest for a while as daniel sat by my head, holding both my hand and hers. eventually, the nurses cleaned her off a bit and wrapped her tightly in a swaddle for daniel to finally hold his daughter. i watched the tears fall from his bluer than ever eyes that never left her little face. by the way she settled in his arms and fell asleep, i knew i was going to have a daddy’s little girl on our hands.

it felt like forever, just watching daniel and our baby getting to know each other. soon enough, though, the doctors finished with the stitches and i heard a knock at the door.

within seconds, both of our parents came into the room, bearing wide smiles. daniel sat in the seat next to me, both of us staring at the beautiful baby in front of us.

“does she have a name?” keri asks, slowly walking up to the two of us, careful not to be too loud.

daniel and i look at each other, and then i give him the nod to tell everyone. “callista avery mae seavey.”

“our little baby callie.” i smile at the name. daniel and i both loved the name callie, but wanted it to be a nickname. avery was after his bandmate who really helped us through this whole preparing to be parents thing. mae was a pretty nickname from my side of the family that was good to separate avery and seavey. our little callie mae.

***

it was three am and both of us were awake to callie’s loud screaming. turns out that daniel and i had a very colicky daughter who, when awake, wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. daniel was in the nursery trying to grab more diapers and wipes that, out of exhaustion, we forgot to restock last night when we ran out. i held callie in our arms, rocking her gently and trying to get her to go back to sleep.

“does she have a dirty diaper?” daniel asks, placing the diapers in the corner of our messy bedroom. a few days into callie’s life, we realized we should’ve left the changing table in our bedroom until she was ready to sleep in the nursey, but both of us were too tired to even think about moving the furniture around. so for now the corner of the room was storage and a changing pad on the bench was our late night changing table.

“i don’t think so.” i answer, giving him an exhausted look. “her diaper isn’t heavy and i tried to feed her, but she doesn’t seem to be hungry. i think she just woke up and is being colicky again.”

“how long did the doctor say the colic will last?” daniel asks.

“she didn’t.” i sigh, going to take a seat on our bed as i continued to calm callie. daniel sat beside me. “go back to sleep, i got her.”

“no, i know you’ve been awake all night. try to go to sleep, i’ve got her.” daniel says, and then takes callie from me. “did you take melatonin tonight?”

“yeah.” i say. “i know your body goes through a lot of changes postpartum, but i’m really not liking the insomnia.”

“okay, well, you lay down, and i’m gonna sing to you both, okay?” daniel says and then starts to rock callie to sleep as i laid beside them. and then he started to sing softly.

***

callie was born a little over three months ago and daniel and i haven’t had a date night since then. when we fearfully realized that last week, jack and anna were both quick to offer some help. we hadn’t felt comfortable leaving callie yet, especially since she wasn’t always the easiest. we had lots of help and people offering, but neither daniel nor i were good at asking for help. that’s definitely something we’re both still working on, especially now that we have a baby.

finally though, jack and anna convinced us. originally, we were going to leave them with daniel’s parents, but anna and jack were pretty convincing. jack had lots of experience since he himself is a dad, and anna was very close with gabbie when she had lavender. jack also decided to invite zach for some more company, which was cute.

daniel and i had a hard time saying goodbye to callie, even though we really were only going to be out for two hours at most. we knew neither of us could stay away for that long.

the restaurant wasn’t too far from the house, which was nice because it cut down on our time away from callie. i think both of us were a little nervous to leave her. we both know that she’s three months old and other people are more than capable of watching her for a few hours, but it’s still hard to not be worried about all of the things we could be missing out on.

“oh my gosh, anna just sent a picture of callie.” daniel says in the middle of our dinner, holding up his phone to show up me the picture of our daughter in the adorable pajamas her aunt bought.

“i miss her.” i admit, knowing he was feeling similarly. “do you think they had a hard time getting her to sleep? i hope she’ll be good for them tonight.”

“i’m sure she was fine.” daniel says, then later . “you know, maybe we should skip dessert. relieve them a little early.”

“she’s growing up so fast.” i tell him. “i’m not ready for her to keep growing.”

“we’re gonna blink and she’s gonna be cursing us out because we wouldn’t let her go out with her friends.” daniel continues. “not that we would do that, because honestly, i’ve always thought we’d be a little cooler than that.”

i laugh at his comment. “oh, we’ll definitely be cooler than that. we’re not gonna be the lame strict parents that doesn’t let their kids go out with their friends.”

“oh definitely.” daniel agrees. “except i will be strict about doors open if someone is over. i don’t care who she’s in her room with, but that door better be open. i am taking no chances.”

“i feel like that’s fair.” i add. “i know we’re parents, but wow, until i think about that future, i kind of forget.”

“i’m very glad that’s a long ways away.” he comments. “i’m barely ready for her to be three months old, we do not need to get ahead of ourselves. take this parenting thing one step at a time.”

“i could not agree more.” i smile, leaning over the table to kiss daniel’s lips gently.

***

i walked out of my one year old’s nursery with her in my arms. we watched as daniel and anna hung balloons up around our california apartment. it’s just about an hour before callie’s first birthday party, and now more than ever, i could not be more grateful for daniel’s family’s offer to help us set up.

rather than fighting with figuring out food for the party, we decided to get it catered. christian and tyler offered to go pick up the food at the restaurant for us, which was extremely helpful. his parents were setting up some decorations around the front of the apartment.

i had just put callie in her adorable dress that i specifically picked out for this party. we weren’t the type to throw parties, so we weren’t 100% sure what to do or what to expect, but we decided to just stick to family and close friends. callie was too young for us to strictly invite her friends over. at this stage in her life, her friends were whoever was at mommy&me that week.

the party was going to be small. daniel’s family, my family, daniel’s bandmates and close friends, and then my close friends.

thankfully, we finished decorating and setting up with about thirty minutes left to spare before the party. rather than worry, i decided to just sit on the couch with anna and daniel. keri took callie from me, wanting to spend some time with her granddaughter, and giving daniel and i a brief break before the party started.

“i cannot believe she’s a year old.” anna exclaims to me. “you guys have been parents for a year. that’s crazy to think about.”

“it’s definitely a little bit weird.” i giggle in response.

“you guys make it look so easy, being young parents.” anna says. “i know i’m younger than you guys, but still, i cannot imagine having a kid anytime soon.”

“i didn’t think i would either.” i tell anna. “for me, i wasn’t really ready until i met dani. i realized that i was ready because i wanted to do this with him. it’s different for everyone, i’m sure, but at least personally, that’s how i knew we could be parents.”

daniel wraps his arm around me on the couch, kissing my cheek softly. “yeah, it’s the same for me. when you find someone you want to do everything with, it gets easier to imagine yourself parenting together.”

“that is really cute.” anna says. “this is what i mean, when i say you make it look easy!!”

“it’s definitely not easy.” i laugh. “but it’s a little bit easier when you work as a team. we talk things through and decide together, instead of just making decisions separately. it’s a lot easier to feel like you’re making the right decision when you talk things through.”

“and that is all the parenting advice you get, because while i am most definitely ready to be a dad, i am not ready to be an uncle.” daniel says, getting protective over his younger sister.

“being an uncle is way easier than being a dad.” anna laughs. “but trust me, i’m not having kids any time soon. at least not intentionally.”

“well, i have to be the cool uncle. someone’s gotta bail the kid out of jail and hide it from you.” daniel jokes.

“first of all, why would my kid go to jail??” anna asks. “and second of all, you might’ve been first in the race for cool uncle before callie arrived, but since becoming a dad, you’ve fallen behind. the cool uncle can’t have kids, that’s not how that works.”

“well i’ll break that standard, because i’ll be the cool uncle.”

“i just want to be the aunt that gives good advice at one o’clock in the morning.” i tell them. “someone’s gotta do it. i expect that for callie, anna, so i will do that for your kids.”

“oh, of course. nothing but the best for callie. and future kids.” anna agrees. “speaking of, future kids? any thoughts on that? mom wants me to scope that out.”

“eventually.” i smile. “sooner rather than later.”

***

daniel took callie on a walk. he’s been really adamant about spending at least thirty minutes a day on a walk with her. now that she’s getting a lot more balance and ability to take a lot more steps, he loves taking her to the playground a few blocks from our apartment. usually, i like to go with them, but today i made up an excuse about things i had to get done at home.

i felt especially grateful for that routine of his today, because i needed a few minutes to myself. i’ve been feeling particularly nauseated recently, and as soon as i woke up the other day, i could feel that i was pregnant again. in the past, i had always thought that when i was paranoid about being late, but now that i’ve actually experienced pregnancy, i can feel that there’s a little fetus inside of me.

daniel and i haven’t exactly been trying, but we haven’t been taking as many precautions as we were when callie was first born. now that she’s over a year old, we feel better about having another baby. we weren’t too rushed, because we lot spending time with just our little girl, but we didn’t want to wait too long and have her grow up without a sibling. having a sibling was always a priority of daniel and i’s. seeing as we both grew up with siblings, we know how important it is to have a sibling.

my stomach fluttered with butterflies as i followed the instructions on the pregnancy test. after realizing i was pregnant with callie, i had bought a ton of tests that i didn’t end up using because it was so obvious that i was indeed pregnant. that was extremely helpful for right now when i don’t have time to go sit in traffic for thirty minutes just to go to the pharmacy.

i sat on top of the counter, leaving the pregnancy test face down while i tried to scroll through tiktok and distract myself. it was probably the slowest five minutes of my life, other than finding out about callie.

the timer went off on my phone. i take a deep breath and carefully lift the pregnancy test off the marble bathroom counter.

pregnant.

151 notes · View notes

zigtheeortega · 4 years ago

Text

For the past six months, @pixeljazzy and I have been working on a playlist we felt could top last year’s, which was so well received!

We’ve broken it up into sections by individual love interests, multiple love interests, main character, and miscellaneous, which includes side characters, general vibes, etc. Underneath each song are lyrics we believed stood out to us along with explanations as to why we chose it. Like last year, the [p] is for PJ and [j] is for Jade.

Here’s the link to the playlist on Spotify, but we’ve individually linked the songs with each explanation as well!

We sincerely hope you enjoy our 2021 RODAW Playlist!

The Bay, Soft Glas. ft. Mulherin [j]

Leaving you alone is too hard (hard, hard) / I just never know where to start (with you)

I'm not used to leaving someone broken hearted / That might be what really makes this hard (It's hard) / I've never been with anyone this long / If I did it, I really miss you

The softness and apologetic tone of the song reminds me of Logan through and through. He’s so regretful for what he put MC through, both at the beginning when he was lying to her, and by the end when he thinks he’s ruined her life by simply being a criminal and dating her. And by leaving her he’s leaving the one person who’s loved him unconditionally and stuck with him through it all.

Call Me, Nav [j]

They taught me, "Don't forget where you came from" / I regret what I came from

Do you know how it feel to feel alone? / Bought myself a house, to feel like I ain't home / Driving by myself, ain't got nowhere to go / Are you really here for me, I don't know

I hope you mean everything that you told me / I'll try to come back to you, girl, I'm sorry / If you miss me, just call me

This song honestly reminded me of Logan’s backstory that we don’t know much of, besides the fact that he was thrust into a life of crime as a teen and as an adult he hates it. The other lyrics I added are kind of a glimpse into the future I think – wherever Logan is, whatever he’s doing, if he’s not with MC, the woman he loves, everything he accomplishes is gonna feel hollow. And despite him saying that he was leaving to protect her, I know in his heart he’d want her to find her way back to him.

Cold Case Love, Rihanna [p]

I’m torn apart and you know / What you did to me was a crime

We opened up a cold case love / And it got the best of us / And now prints, pictures, and white outlines / Are all that’s left at the scene of a crime / Of a cold case love

The first line reminded me of how MC probably felt after being betrayed by Logan, the one that was arguably supposed to be the closest to them, and then the second lyric is because at the time, MC left and that was the last Logan knew of them with nothing to stand for what they used to have until they eventually came back to help save the crew.

Compass, The Neighbourhood [j]

If I don't have you with me, I'm alone / You know I never know which way to go / I think I need you with me for all-time / When I need new direction for my mind

I've got something to confess / I keep you in my pocket to use / You're my only compass / I might get lost without you / (Could you tell me where to go?)

You're always there to help me when I'm down / I'm lucky you've been keeping me around / You're the star I look for every night / When it's dark, you'll stick right by my side

Like a magnet / Hard to imagine ever changing / Can't help that I'm attracted to you, I am / Could you keep on guiding me? Please

This is a quintessential Logan song – reading these lyrics, it’s like Logan spoke them himself to MC, and that’s why I included so much of the song. All of these remind me of him and his hopeless romanticism, but specifically the line about her being the star he looks for every night? Absolutely perfect. This entire song is like a love letter from Logan to MC.

Don’t Leave Me, Blackstreet [p]

I’m searching for the words to make you realize / That I really, really want you to stay

Don’t leave, don’t leave me girl

This song was giving me Logan vibes from the diamond scene where he’s like “I can’t believe I love someone” and MC is like “you don’t get to say that to me” or some shit like that because he’s trying soo so hard to explain himself to her and to make her not hate him.

Imma Dog, Ugly God ft. PnB Rock [j]

You say you love me, shawty, tell me why / 'Cause I'm a dog and I'ma probably be this way until I die / You say you always gon' be by my side / You say you trust me with your heart and I swear, I just wonder why

Okay, hear me out, I forreal have reasons for this to be tied to Logan. The only verse in this song that’s a non chorus one is related to cheating, but I’m choosing to ignore that for the sake of the chorus. I heard the chorus for the first time and it made me think of one specific moment and point in time in Ride or Die. These lyrics remind me of Logan’s attitude when he was being mean and pretending to be annoyed by MC to get her off of him – despite the facade he’s still in awe of the way she trusts him and cares about him even when he’s treating her like garbage.

Life’s a Mess, Juice WRLD ft. Halsey [p]

Uh, sometimes life’s a mess

Lookin’ for somethin’ real, then I found it

I’m too flawed to hold you down, but / Don’t wanna be here alone

Logan knows all too well how much of a mess life really is (first lyric), and the second lyric is basically what I think he feels about MC. He told MC in the beginning that he doesn’t really stay with crews or trust anyone but himself, but MC was that exception before the rest of the crew became that exception too. And then the third lyric is because Logan looks at himself as someone who probably doesn’t deserve MC, Vaughn even said he was morally obligated to tell MC that she’s too good for his cousin (yes it was a joke (was it) but it fits), but he still wants her anyway (“Look at you...then look at me. You’re going to be valedictorian. I never even went to high school...I don’t have anything, and I wasn’t anybody, and I knew that. I always knew that….Some part of me really wants you to mess things up for me.” - Logan, Ch. 3).

Unfair, 6lack [p]

Hope my mistakes don’t make me less of a man / ‘cause lately it feel like them shits really can / I’m prayin’ I don’t wake up all alone

But know I’m stuck between / What I love and who I love and / I know it’s unfair

The first lyric I feel like is pretty self-explanatory as Logan expresses remorse for his actions (him acting weird and tryna tell MC about his dishonesty in the club, him making the effort to apologize or explain in the diamond scene after the reveal) and it especially hits if your MC is romancing Logan because he doesn’t want to lose them. As for the second lyric, I was thinking about how he was probably stuck between doing what’s best for the crew and doing right by MC

While We’re Young, Jhene Aiko [j]

Baby while we're young / I think we should do something crazy / Like say, "Fuck everyone" / And just run away from the daily routine

I'm tellin' everybody you're mine and I like it / And I really hope you don't mind, I can't fight it

'Cause it's been another perfect day with ya / Wanna lay with ya / Spend the night with ya / Then spend my life with ya, alright

I'll go everywhere you go / You know I'll go, I'll go / Everywhere you go

I'm giving you my heart, please don't break it / Take it and lock it up and put me in your pocket, love

This reminds me of Logan and MC’s brand of romance that’s sweet and clumsy and a little bit reckless when it really gets going. They’re both cautious but they fantasize about throwing caution to the wind even more than they already have.

Angel With A Shotgun, The Cab [p]

I don’t care if heaven won’t take me back / I’ll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe

Sometimes to win, you have to sin

And I want to live, not just survive

Lemme explain because I feel like people may think this song is really really out there for Colt but I was listening to this song one day and thought of him, esp the last two lines I chose: I think of how Colt came up with the kidnapping plan and how it was so crazy because it was like wow he really was ready for murder if it came down to it, but Colt was basically like we need to do something big to outsmart them or else we’ll just be doing shit for them forever (‘sometimes to win, you have to sin’).

Born 2 Be Great, Lil Tjay [p]

I was born to be great / And I won’t let nobody tell me I ain’t / And I can’t stop, won’t stop

Growin’ up, I’m gettin’ old, start settin’ goals / Tryna make more money off my business and shows / And everybody gon’ hate, I’m great, I know / Everybody can hate, I’m great, I know

These lyrics just scream COLT to me all the way. He knows and believes he’s destined for greatness no matter what path he chooses because no matter what he does, he’s gonna succeed in the end. “I can’t stop, won’t stop” reminds me of how Kaneko wanted Colt to choose for himself what he wanted to do, and even though Kaneko tried to shield Colt away from the family business, that’s where Colt wanted to be. The second lyric is essentially Colt just knowing he’s gonna make money and that he won’t be liked (hated by other crews, police, etc.), but that won’t matter because he’s great nevertheless.

Chandelier, B.o.B ft. Lauriana Mae [p]

They say life’s about choices / In the face of defeat I declined / Put your soul into everything, never back down / That’s how you leave a legacy behind

Let my blood keep pumping, my heart keep beating / Shining like a chandelier

Making something out of absolutely nothing / That’s the definition of a survivor

Colt definitely felt ‘put your soul into everything, never back down / that’s how you leave a legacy behind’ because of how much he focuses on carrying on what his family has built, and taking all the risks necessary to keep that legacy alive and make a name for himself. I put ‘shining like a chandelier’ because that’s how bright Colt shines, as I believe he’s destined for greatness and wouldn’t allow himself to achieve anything but.

Down Bad, Real Recognize Rio [j]

I've been out of my head for a couple minutes, for a couple miles / Made the hair stand up on my neck / On a knife edge, comin' at me for my crimes / Got a mind that can leave you locked inside

'Cause you got me down bad, down bad, your deep desire / Carve my name on your soul, then I walk through the fire / Your voice so clear, like you say my name / You got mе runnin' for my life like this shit was a game / Got mе down bad, down bad to feel your touch

This song reminds me of Colt specifically during the gambling scene when he got shot and the last car chase scene, because MC is put in serious danger but it does nothing to shake her love for Colt. She’s scared for her life and her future but she’s still willing to put everything on the line for him and MPC.

Forever Ever, Trippie Redd ft. Young Thug [p]

You gon’ really have to hold me fuckin’ down, babe / ‘Cause I ain’t with the fuckery, that playing ‘round, babe

We Bonnie and Clyde but except the shots

He don’t love you like he should, I can love you better

First and second lyric are because they’re a team, and Colt sees MC as his right hand. In the life he lives, the people on his team gotta be down fr because there’s always a lot at stake. The last lyric is more conditional, as I feel like this could be him if MC was also romancing Logan because in the reveal, Colt’s like you deserved to know and in the car in the chapter afterwards that’s when he’s like bro we could run this whole shit etc. etc.

Impala, O2worldwide [j]

I been watching you from a distance / Sitting back and acknowledging your existence / I made a couple songs but you'll probably never listen / Shooting my shot but i'm always fucking missing / Setting my ego aside / Me and you can go together just like Bonnie and Clyde / I've been tripping over you just like my shoes is untied / And I tried to hit you up its like my confidence died but

I see you everyday but don't past corners of eyes / I'm just gonna act like I didn't see you close to that guy / Not gonna lie you got me head over ears / I'm tryna find love because I don't know just how it feels

Anyone listening to this and reading the lyrics is going to hate me because… is this the perfect “Colt pining for MC because she’s getting close to Logan” Love Triangle song, or what? I listen to this song so casually most of the time that I forget how sad the lyrics actually are. The first couple verses (not the third verse) fit the narrative so well. A lot of my favorite “Colt” songs aren’t ones where they’re outwardly admitting any kind of affection for MC – they’re the ones where it reads as Colt struggling with their feelings for MC and how to express them.

PTSD, G Herbo ft. Juice WRLD, Lil Uzi Vert, and Chance the Rapper [p]

I don’t belong, I see my past everywhere

I got a war zone on inside of my head

A million dollars ahead, I’m still angry and seeing red

I’m too paranoid, I make sure all my opps, they bled

This song always guts me because G Herbo is talking about all the people he’s lost, and for Colt, I imagined this was probably him after losing his father. Reminded of his past when he saw the remains of the shop, reminded of his past every time after that probably when he was rebuilding the shop. As for the million dollars, it’s like he could pull off as many heists as he could but he would never be satisfied until Brotherhood paid, hence the last lyric because honestly I don’t think it’s over until Shaw is dead (ik there’s a line in ROD where he’s like if we were even, he’d be dead, I just know it).

Sun God, Trippie Redd [j]

Went out my way just to love you / Right at the top, no above you / Right off the top, know I trust you / Ready or not, here I come, boo / And baby, you're hot, like the sun, too / Not too hot for me, no I'm sun-proof / Follow your lead, I'ma come through / Just you and me, baby, one-two

I think this is Colt way farther down the line if MC had the chance to really fall in love with him. He’s the type to value trust and loyalty in a bond more than anything else because he doesn’t do either of those easily at all. And I think that the line about being sun-proof is a cute callback to a lot of the fandom comparisons of Colt and Icarus – the title too and the lyrics just scream Colt to me.

Where Does The Love Go?, Maria Isabel [j]

Nightly negotiations with the moon, whoever's listening / All the miles between us got me messed up, got me trippin'

They say lovin' is easy / But not when one of us is leaving

Back on a plane / Two different coasts / When we're alone / Where does the love go? / What if you go / Forget the way home? / Running in circles but never together / So where does the love go?

The more I listen to this song the more I think this song is about Colt and MC. Colt’s not a clingy type in the slightest, but there’s no doubt in my mind that deeper into the relationship, both Colt and MC would have some doubts – the reason I say this is because I’m viewing the lyrics through the lens of Colt and MC doing long distance while MC is in college on the East Coast. This whole song is long distance relationship anxiety summed up perfectly and it’s so Colt.

Yellow Lights, 24kGoldn [p]

Don’t want no yellow light / don’t want no mixed message

For the crown, ‘cause we could achieve it

Love you now, but don’t you deceive me

Second lyric resonated with me esp because of that line in the book where he’s like “But the two of us? We put our brains together, you and me could run this whole town” so he knows he could achieve an empire with MC by his side. Last lyric is because Colt definitely doesn’t trust those around him and for those that he does trust, that trust doesn’t come easy. So MC, who managed to get past that, is loved, but would automatically lose a lot if she deceived him (now imagine….snitch MC? This line would hit a lot more because she ends up deceiving him so like he had a right to be wary of her holding his heart (like if we’re looking at the pov of him saying this lyric)).

Can’t Love, Trippie Redd [p]

She say she love me, I think she love me not / She say she love me, I know she love me not

How could you do this to me? / Yeah, yeah, I thought you, I thought you loved

Another Mona and her ex song teehee but I’m imagining this from Mona’s pov while she’s in jail like wow that girl never loved me like she said she loved me (first lyric) and how could she betray me like this (second lyric).

Favorite Mistake, Giveon [p]

Is my secret safe? / Safe with just you and me / We can’t leave a trace / This is my favorite mistake

Look in my eyes / Do you mind the lies? Do you feel alive?

Even when you’re gone / The feeling just grow stronger / Should leave it alone / But you’re getting closer

So I finally did a Mona route and GOD yes this song is about cheating (Mona and Hieron can’t relate) but we gon ignore that and just focus on these lyrics specifically because wow they really hit me like Mona for one was in denial of her feelings for MC from the jump and at some point she’s like god this is so ridiculous I can’t believe I’m feeling this way again so ofc she doesn’t want people to know she’s in love (like that time Toby is like man she is NOT happy about liking you! in the club scene) hence the beginning of the first lyric but at the same time….. she’s in love… so “this is my favorite mistake.” As for the second and third, the lies are that “I don’t like you” ra ra ra she’s only fooling herself and then it’s like yeah she knows her feelings are dumb but she can’t help but fall for MC anyway <3

Gonna Love Me, Teyana Taylor [p]

Sometimes we say things that we really don’t mean / We do things in between the lines

Please wait up for me ‘til whenever I get home / I know that you’re all alone / Thinking ‘bout what you’re gon’ do / I hope that you see it through, ooh, ooh

Why is it so hard to keep in touch

For the first lyric, I was thinking of the time MC says “Being with you makes a difference to me. It feels safer” and Mona replies that “It’s just an illusion. A blanket. And I’ve told you before not to count on me.” Yeah she said that wit her chest but ik she knows it’s more than that for the both of them. The second and third lyric both have to do with her being in jail by the end of the book (making it literally hard to keep in touch), and even though she tells MC not to wait up, a part of me thinks the vulnerable part of Mona would’ve hoped at least a smidge that MC would, and the last bit ‘thinking ‘bout what you’re gon’ do / I hope that you see it through’ reminds me of the advice in the diamond scene of driving Mona to the hospital that she gave MC which was that to move on, you just gotta keep your foot on the gas and look forward and that eventually, she’ll be somewhere better than she’s ever been.

Love or Lust, 24kGoldn [p]

It’s love or it’s lust, we just need to be clear / ‘Cause if you’re in love, then I shouldn’t be here

Would you walk eight thousand miles just to make me smile on a rainy Wednesday? / If so, then you gots to go, it ain’t mutual and I’m not pretending

Basically in the beginning stages of MC falling for Mona, Mona’s like oh hell nah (“I shouldn’t be here”) and she recognizes that MC likes her a lotttt (MC would definitely walk eight thousand miles to make her smile on a rainy Wednesday) and so she’s like fuck

PLW, Leon Thomas [j]

Left my fear right at the door (ooh) / She's an animal hunting in the wild, yeah (in the wild) / Doesn't move around or groove / But she come from the depth / That's why she's down to earth / An instrument of war

Baby ain't no beginner / I got love for my little winner / Flashing or finessing / That's why I mess with her, yeah

And you don't have to worry, yeah / 'Cause I know what's she worth / No, you don't have to save me / From my pretty little weapon

Ooh my baby smart, and she sharp, and she sharp, yeah / Pretty little weapon

I’ll never ever get over how this song fell into my lap and is absolutely perfect for Mona. This is for an MC who acknowledges that Mona’s a badass and that she loves her because of her strong personality and unwavering confidence because she knows she’s good at her job. The first verse is the best approach an MC could take – leaving her fear at the door because she knows someone like Mona could sniff it out. The line “No, you don’t have to save me / From my pretty little weapon” kills me, because it’s accurate – on Mona’s route, despite any betrayal, the MC is still in love with her and knows that Mona would never actually hurt her.

Sleeping With the Enemy, BbyMutha & Kindora [j]

Creeping around corners / I don't feel like myself / Studying your movements / It's a carousel / And I can't confirm that you / Mean what you say / And I'm pretty sure / That it's / Better that way

Why can't I trust in you / Am I slipping up / Over you / If it really turned to be the way / That I think / How bad could it be?

And I know that we could go for / Round and round like 123 / And I gotta question myself / Is it coming? / Possibly / And I gotta wonder / Am I sleeping with the enemy?

I'm watching my back / Like I got nothing left / I give you all I got / Wish I knew what was next

The first time I heard this song it was a toss up between whether or not it was a Colt and Mona song (or both) but I settled on Mona pretty quickly after a re-listen. Not only is the internal conflict in the lyrics a perfect description of Mona’s own battle, but it could be easily viewed from MC’s perspective as well. The idea of knowing it’s “wrong”, and mistrusting them but pursuing it anyways is quintessential early Mona route.

The World is a Marble Heart, AJR [p]

We could have been, we should have been / What your heart couldn’t handle

Run away, girl, ‘cause I let you / Now you found some other man, you see / I’m better off without you, ‘cause the man ain’t me!

I’m going right now / To the beginning / What you denied from the start / And now you can’t go breaking my heart

The world is a marble heart / It’s bullshit and we know it

I think the first lyric is definitely MC to Mona because Mona was afraid to allow herself to be in love, and then evidently their relationship couldn’t blossom because Mona ends up arrested (“we could have been, we should have been”). This song called out to me because Mona always comments on how MC’s heart got them into the Brotherhood mess, how MC always think the crew is something they’re not, so MC’s heart is the marble heart and the last lyric (“it’s bullshit and we know it”) is essentially Mona being like girl you know we are not what you think we are. The second lyric is because in a scene after the reveal, Mona drives MC to Riya’s house and MC goes I wish we could run off together and Mona is like just say the word and MC is like I can’t :/// and then Mona is like the only one stopping you is you, and then “I’m better off without you” is Mona being don’t call don’t write don’t text

Would You, Pink Sweat$ [p]

Would you die for me? I would die for you / Would you shoot for me? I would kill for you / Would you run up the bag if I needed you to? / Girl, all the things that I’d do for you / Would you do for me too?

I wanna know when it pops off that you gon’ be right next to me

This was giving Mona and her ex from that scene where MC got a glimpse into Mona’s past. Essentially, Mona’s ex and her were thick as thieves, and when they got arrested, Mona didn’t say anything and her ex did, so Mona was always ten toes down but her ex never had her (Mona) like she (Mona) thought she (her ex) had her (Mona)

Both of Us, YFN Lucci [j]

Stay with me when there's no one else to call / If you got me then I'm in it for the both of us

Look, ayy, do you love me like you say you love me? / Ay, do you vow to keep it cute when everythin' get ugly? / Ay, if I ever leave, girl would you come lookin' for me?

I think that this song and these lyrics fit into the title of the book and how “ride or die” each of the love interests are for MC and vice versa. I think the softer parts of this song are MC for sure, and Logan at times, and the second bullet point is Colt and Mona. For them, it’s more of a promise of loyalty rather than love like the earlier lyric is (which is why I think that’s a bit more hopeless romantic like Logan).

C U Girl, Steve Lacy [j]

I haven't seen you in a while, you know I miss you babe / When you hear this song, feel flattered, it's about your face / And how I miss it and I wish that I could see it more / But you're in college now and I'm about to go on tour

I love this song because it makes me think of the possibility of MC and the LI having a “song” – one where any time they hear it they think of each other. And that when they hear it it makes them happy but at the same time they’re forced do think about the distance between them and how much they miss each other.

Collide, Tiana Major9 and Earthgang [j]

Everybody's got opinions on our thing / Say we're flying down a path with no ending / And if I die before I wake / Ooh, don't let me wake up from this dream / When we collide / When we collide, it's a beautiful disaster / When I crash into you, you, you

And I don't care about the future or the past / Riding slow, 'cause you know the world's moving too fast

Without you, I'm just a fraction / Closing in on my demise / And I love you religiously / With everything inside of me / As long as I'm alive

So I think it fits for all three because the relationship is taboo since they’re criminals and she’s a valedictorian getting ready for college. Their relationship is sloppy and dangerous and comes to an inevitable end, and they both know that, so this song for sure encapsulates how little both the LI and MC care about that. They don’t that it’s a trainwreck, because colliding is all that matters :)

Heaven, Clairo [j]

Alone, for the last time / You're just a loner / Give it a try / And you're hard on yourself / And your laugh, it just melts in my hands / Lonesome in the streets

I'll get by with you on my mind / I'll get by with you on my side

I love the idea of this song being viewed as MC’s perspective of her LI, because I’m sure the other LI’s haven’t been appreciated in the way that she appreciates them. For example, the line about the laugh melting in her hands makes me think about how they’d react to her saying that to them. None of the LI’s probably have never been told their laugh is cute, and I’m sure they’d be confused about it at first, so this whole song gives me a cute late night summer drive vibe. Like the MC is in the passenger seat of Mona or Logan’s car or draped around Colt and she’s just appreciating the things she loves about them.

Heaven Ain’t Hard 2 Find, Tupac [j]

Simply because you nervous, let me start off with my conversation / Hoping my information, elevates the hesitation / I can see it clearly now / Catch you smiling through your frown / I'm askin' Baby Boo are you down?

Heaven ain't hard to find / In fact you can have it just have faith / Just like a little kid, still believing in magic / It takes a lot of sacrifice / With all the lonely nights on tour / I need somebody I can trust in my life

Oh god help me identify me truest thoughts / Your hidden motives full of passion who would of thought / Come holla at me baby, love me for my thug nature / Far from a player hater, label me a money maker / Straight heart breaker

I originally added this song because it’s canon that Colt loves old West Coast Rap, so that makes me think he’s a huge Tupac fan. I can see him listening to this in his car driving down a California highway at like 2 a.m. On the other hand, though, the beginning of the song reminds me of the first meeting with Logan at the party, or the second meeting when they go to the car show – young love jitters and all that.

Keep Me Up, Charlotte Lawrence [j]

My heart starts beating and my hands start sweating / My chest starts sinking and sometimes will even start shaking / It's physical and emotional

And I don't want you all inside my head / And I can feel you running through my veins

When I say, and I say, and I say / That I want you in my life / But you stay, and you stay, and you stay / And you never leave my side / And you take, and you take, and you take / And you say you feel so nice, boy / And you keep me up all night

I think this fits with all the LI’s and MC and how they cope after the LI’s had to leave. Read it from both perspectives and it honestly fits so well for both of them – like the first couple months of restlessness staring at their ceiling while reflecting on how much they miss each other.

Kitchen, Kid Cudi [j]

Hmm, you wanna find somebody you trust and lay low / But it seems they all on the same mission / You wanna find somebody you trust and lay low / But can't stand the heat of my love, then stay out the kitchen

Oh baby here we are, I made a wish on shootin' stars / I ain't even mad at it, we made it this far

The attitude of this song reminds me of both Mona and Colt’s feelings about relationships – they both know they’re intense people and that they don’t trust or love easily, and that whoever’s interested in them needs to know that. They’re not going to apologize for it, but they appreciate anyone who sticks around and loves them despite that.

Meet Me Halfway, The Black Eyed Peas [j]

Can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline / Is where I'm gonna wait, for you / I'll be looking out, night n' day / Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I stay / I can't go any further than this / I want you so bad it's my only wish

I think of all three LI’s when I listen to this, because it fits into the idea of them struggling to maintain both of their lifestyles and have them mesh together. And it plays into the distance when MPC has to scatter.

Moonlight, Trippie Redd [j]

I can still be your man / I was tryna see your plans / 'Cause I was tryna have this dance tonight / Your body, girl, I'm a real big fan / And I cannot lose this chance / So, baby girl, grab my hand / This moment I'm waiting for, I fantasize / I just wanna be with you, I just wanna be with you tonight / Under the moonlight

This reminded me of the prom scene and how despite the chaos, all three love interests took the time to appreciate MC and soak up their last “date”.

out for the night, 21 Savage [j]

Five foot five (Five), she my ride or die (Die) / Never tell a lie (Lie), we like Bonnie and Clyde (Clyde) / Lookin' at her thigh (Thigh), like, "Do it come with rice?" (Rice) / She don't like FaceTime, she would rather Skype / But I'm out for the night (Straight up) / Out for the night (Straight up)

When I heard this song I could definitely see Colt listening to it, but I think the flirtiness of the song fits for all three love interests! Also, I mean… “she my ride or die” and “we like Bonnie and Clyde”? Self explanatory.

Part of Me, Teo [j]

I believe there's no one in your place / So much lovely / You can cure my mistakes / You reside in me no room for escape

You're my darling / You're my love / You're rocking all of your diamonds / All dressed up / And girl I lost my mind, no, I messed up / So now I'm knocking at your doors with my chest up

You're part of me / Come again and see / Diamonds make you sparkle

This reminds me of the prom scene from the LI’s perspective. And even more so than that, it reminds me of post prom/car chase where they have to say goodbye to each other the last time. It’s like a bittersweet tribute to MC about how much they mean to them and how much they’ll think about them when they’re apart.

Special, 21 Savage [j]

We got something special / I was finna text you / But I don't wanna pest you / Even if we ain't together (no matter we're forever) / I'm still coming to your rescue

Ride with me (ride with me) / Tell the truth and don't you lie to me (lie to me) / You know I need you on my side with me (side with me) / Tell the truth and don't you lie to me (lie to me) / Baby, roll with me (roll with me)

I'mma hold you down forever / You my round forever / They just want to use you, but I'm tryna help you

I think of Colt mostly with this song, but it definitely fits with all of the li’s in my opinion! Logan, Colt, and Mona would all approach their relationship with MC this way – constantly affirming that they’re there for MC no matter what, even if things go South with them, they’re always one call away. And especially the last line “they just wanna use you, but I’m tryna help you” that’s for sure an overprotective LI about the Jason Shaw situation and generally people taking advantage of MC’s kindness.

Drunk on Love, Rihanna [p]

Take me away / I wear my heart on my sleeve / Always let love take the lead / I may be a little naive, yeah

I feel like I’ve heard MC being described as naive, and even in the book Mona is like man it’s your damn heart that got us into this mess because you thought we were more than who we are, so yeah this song reminded me of MC.

Final Goodbye, Rihanna [p]

Thought that you would stay forever with me / But the time has come to leave

Promise you our love will carry on

Final goodbye, MC saying goodbye to their LI, you catch my drift.

The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty, Panic! at the Disco [p]

If you wanna start a fight / You better throw the first punch / Make it a good one

I feel like this lyric specifically is saying that if you’re gonna stand for something, you better give it your all, and it reminded me of how MC came up with the plan to defeat the Brotherhood in the last few chapters of ROD, and to get out of it, they really had to go all out (AKA MC telling the police everything, meaning the gang had to go on the run). Also, MC just nose-dived into this life and I feel like this lyric is like ‘well sis if you gon be a criminal you might as well do your best’ (and she did when she bodied her first heist I know that’s right, my driver forever <3).

Harder We Fall, Jessie J [p]

So, whatever path we choose to take / There will be highs and there will be lows, the same / Oh, we’ll never run from our mistakes / The harder we fall the harder we try again

I just feel like this is a good song for MC to listen to in the car on her way to Langston yk crying but the windows are down and the wind is wiping your tears so you just keep it pushing because you’ll live and you’re stronger than your lows.

House of Memories, Panic! at the Disco [p]

If you’re a lover, you should know / The lonely moments just get lonelier / The longer you’re in love than if you are alone / Memories turn into daydreams, become a taboo

I think of you from time to time more than I thought I would

I just feel like this is a perfect song for MC going through the motions of leaving their lover behind and thinking about the times they shared because her life with the crew will always be so drastically different than the life she was went to have (going to Langston, being the ‘goody two shoes’, etc.).

Let It Out, Trippie Redd ft. Myiah Lynnae [p]

I need to know, before I tell you, can I trust you?

Idk man this song really just spoke to me.

Saw You in a Dream, The Japanese House [j]

I saw you in a dream / You had stayed the same / You were beckoning me / Said that I had changed / Tried to keep my eyes closed / I want you so bad / Then I awoke and it was so sad

Haven't talked to you in months / And I thought that I might cry / But I'm not that kind of girl

All good things come to an end / But I thought that this might last / But you came and left so fast

I wonder if you'll come visit me again / You're taking your time to reappear / I'm starting to believe that when I call your name / You just don't hear me anymore / And I know that I shouldn't even try / It's a waste of time

I don’t think I need to go super in depth as to why this reminded me of MC, but I do see this as MC’s defeated approach to it in the months/years after meeting the MPC.

Silent Nite, Tink [p]

I put your joy and your feelings ‘fore mine / These days I’m angry, angry inside / No words to say (oh) / One thing to do / Move on and fall back from you / It’s gonna be a silent night / No one here to hold me tight / It’s gonna be a silent night / No one here to hold me, oh, oh I’m lonely / Lost for words (lost for words)

It’s a short song so I just put the whole lyrics in here LMFAO but I feel like this could be MC during her first few nights at Langston. For Hieron at least, I know she went through a range of emotions processing this new chapter without the people she holds dear, angry at the way this is how things had to play out, but all that’s left for her to do is get over it, move on, and get used to not having that support anymore (i.e. like if MC is used to cuddling with [insert LI], they deadass gotta sleep alone now f in the chat).

Smile, Juice WRLD ft. The Weeknd [p]

I’d do anything in my power to see you just smile / I want you to prosper and come proper / Even if that means I ain’t by your side

I spent every day right beside you (‘side you), ‘side you (‘side you) / A hundred pics of me on your phone / Now you’re someone that I used to know

OKAY so I’m absolutely obsessed with this song and the first lyric was definitely giving me Logan x MC because I feel like this is something he could’ve said during his goodbye, like saying something that vulnerable and heartwrenchingly sweet is def on-brand for him, but the second lyric I feel like fits all the LIs. Like because they were part of the crew, they spent so much time with MC, and now that they’re gone, MC has all those pictures and memories that they want to hold on to them so badly even though they can never be together again (‘now you’re someone that I used to know’)

Stuck With Me, The Neighbourhood [j]

Now I'm feeling guilty for it / Didn't wanna leave / Realized I'm less important / Than I thought I'd be, yeah / I'm not tellin' you for any certain reasons but / I just want your empathy

Our lives keep on gettin' shorter / Losin' opportunity / There might be some other ways of looking at it but / That's just what I see / I been gettin' over myself / Thinkin' about what you need / Then I realised that neither of us matter

You always end up stickin' to me / Somehow, somehow / You are stuck with me / So I guess I'll be sticking with / You are stuck with me / So I guess I'll be sticking with

So I think this song covers a lot of topics for MC. I think the vibe of the lyrics suit MC when she’s dealing with her relationship with her father, being pressured by Jason Shaw, and grappling with whether or not she’s making the right decision despite it all – homegirl was falling in love throughout all of it, too. Reading the lyrics with that lens made me think of each of the lines as a different conversation. The first part sounds like a tidbit of a conversation she could’ve had with her dad or about her dad. The next one is like a realization that despite how careful she is with her choices, nothing matters anyways, if the MC takes a nihilistic approach to it. And the last lyric is her conclusion with the LI that despite everything, she’s happy that she’s with her LI and she’s grateful for their loyalty.

worst behavior, Ariana Grande [j]

I been on my worst behavior / But, baby, I don't need no savior / I'm way outta line / But I kind of like the way I / Feel when I just don't give a fuck

This ain't no game, won't play with you / This time I know I'll stay with you / Just promise you won't say nothin' / Don't you be actin' like that, don't you be actin' like that, babe

Said baby it's just in my nature / To be a little troublemaker

Know you really like the way I / Taste when we kiss, you reminisce / But this ain't the last time / Just stay by my side

This song reminds me of rebellious MC before the gravity of the situation really hits her – the short span of time where she’s not worrying about being Valedictorian or college or her dad’s approval. She’s just living and falling in love for the first time. This could probably work for all LI’s but the specific “troublemaker” line makes me think of an MC who is trying to reassure Logan that she can make her own decisions.

1Day, PnB Rock ft. Ugly God [j]

Momma told me that I wouldn't be shit / Told her one day / I'ma be rich (huh)

One day, I'ma buy a big ass crib / One day, I'ma buy a big ass mansion / One day, all my fucking diamonds gon' be dancing / One day, I'ma fuck a bitch in the Hamptons / One day, I'ma eat the sushi with the salmon

Dropped out of college, everybody said I'm tripping / Told them be patient, but they ass wouldn't listen / Made it big time, now they fucking with the vision / Now I'm really rich, and my diamonds really glistening

The lyrics kind of remind me of the lifestyle that they live – whether or not they fell for the MC in the process, they all kind of have the motive of money and being successful in their own way. Even though the li’s and MC have their own shortcomings and wants and needs outside of MPC, I like to think of this song as an ego booster and probably representative of their attitudes when they joined MPC at the beginning. Reminds me of Logan especially since he joined the life so early and probably romanticized it for the longest time before it really went to shit. And to add to that, the last lyric is Colt all the way.

92 Explorer, Post Malone [p]

Ooh, baby, I see these muhfuckas’ glancin’ / When my whip stop, then my wheels keep spinnin’

Made a lot of M’s, made a lot of moves

This song is literally all about Post Malone’s precious car so I was like LMFAO why not because everyone in ROD loves their cars and then the last lyric is because they be making a lot of money with their transactions/steals.

Best Friend, Saweetie ft. Doja Cat [p]

Beep beep, is that my bessie in a Tessie?

Listen... I feel like we were robbed of the peak best friend dynamic that could’ve existed between Riya and MC so this whole song is for them (also c’mon MC could’ve snatched a Tesla if she reeaaally wanted too so yup that’s Riya’s bessie in a Tessie).

Lost It, Rich The Kid ft. Quavo and Offset [p]

The Bentley don’t cost shit / I walk out the bank rich

Okay, drank sippin’, lane switchin’ / I done brought my gang with me

Ooh, I might snatch the coupe

First one because they really could get any car they wanted, second lyric because gang always together yk, and last one because they really be stealing cars out here LMFAO.

Royal Rumble, Lil Tecca [p]

My life is a movie, you not ready for that clip

It’s a Royal Rumble

ROD really is a wild ride (‘my life is a movie’) and the ‘it’s a Royal Rumble’ just reminded me of the fact that it’s basically a showdown between two crews where one wins in the end but at what cost.

Runnin’, 21 Savage and Metro Boomin [p]

Runnin’, runnin’, runnin’, runnin’

We run the motherfuckin’ city

Fuck your crew, [redacted], we’ll kill your crew

First lyric is because literally everyone has to scatter by the end of the book, and the second lyric just gave me their vibes, whether or not they truly ran the city. The last lyric makes me laugh because Colt really was about to kill the other crew, the ‘we’ is a lilll bit loose in that sense though LMFAO because I know damn well Toby was not ready to go down like that.

Stuntin’ Like My Daddy, Birdman ft. Lil Wayne [j]

What we doing? Getting money / What they doing? Hating on us, but they never cross / Cash money still a company, and, bitch, I'm the boss / And I be stuntin' like my daddy, stuntin' like my daddy

Colt and Teppei don’t get along, but I like to think that Colt not only bumps this song in his car, but secretly imagines that him and Teppei run L.A. – either together or with Colt taking the reins.

Takin’ Shots, Post Malone [p]

Drinkin’ all night, but we ain’t done yet / Waitin’ on the plug, but he ain’t come yet

Already losin’ control, this is the life that we chose

The first lyric and this song overall just give me club vibes, like the underground one they went to where MC wears that neon fit. The part in the second line that always gets me is ‘this is the life that we chose’ because being a part of this crew was a choice for most, and they knew what comes with this lifestyle.

Trouble on Central, Buddy [j]

So the entire song is pretty much the idea “I wish life were better and I’m daydreaming about how good things could be for me”. And to be honest, I think that the vibes of that fit Logan when he was young and broke, but at the same time, I could see Colt bumping this song in a convertible.

VEGAS, ABRA [j]

The whole song reminds me of the gambling scene and the high stakes of it. It kind of reads like the MC trying to fit in with dangerous criminals while she’s there despite the MPC thinking she’s not ready for it

#playchoices #choices rod #rodaw #ride or die: a bad boy romance #choices ride or die #playlist

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renee-writer · 3 years ago

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Son of a Preacher Man Arc 2 Chapter 10

AO3

She is nervous as she waits for him. Asa sits in his high chair, playing with the oat cereal she placed on his tray to keep him occupied as they wait for daddy. “We have a surprise for daddy, don’t we?”

“Da da!” he calls out. At seven months, he has da da, ma ma and, ka, for Katie Mae.

“Yes daddy will be home soon.” She sits the food on the table. Under her napkin, she hits the pregnancy test. The time to show him will be obvious, or so she sincerely prays.

“I am here.” She jumps and her husband laughs. “Sorry love. Mama was a bit distracted.”

“Ma ma!” Asa calls out, banging his fist on the tray.

“Hello my darling son. Did you have a good day?”

“Da da!” He bends down so his son can hold his face. Claire watches them with a lump in her throat. Maybe it will be okay.

“My love, “ He comes over to her, taken her in his arms, “How was your day?”

“We had some visitors. Geillis and Mary. They had some news.” They are now sitting at the table.

“Good or bad.”

“Good. They are having a baby. Mary is pregnant.”

“How brilliant! I know they have been wanting to experience pregnancy and everything. How did their children take it?” He is passing around the food. He places some peas and plain pasta on his son’s tray. The little boy hurries to place his hands in it.

“They are thrilled.”

“Well that is good then.”

“How was your day?” He starts to talk about some of the cases he is working on. She really tries to listen but her secret sits like a rock in the front of her mind.

“Claire, hey love, have you heard a word I said?”

She meets his eyes. “No, I am sorry I..”

“What’s wrong?” He takes her hand.

“I’m pregnant!” She pulls the test out. “I had no idea. Geillis saw something and I took a test to disprove her. I ended up proving her right.”

He stares down at it before lifting his head. His look holds a mixture of joy and shock. “Wow! We are having another baby.”

“Yes. Your not freaked?”

He looks to Asa, sitting in a mess of pasta and peas. A laugh bubbles up. “Oh my love, we are going to be in the middle of chaos but it is the best type.”

“It really is.” He stands, walks over to her, and kisses her.

#my writing #outlander fanfic #son of a preacher man arc 2 #chapter 10 #jamie and claire #cannon divergence #outlander fandom #modern au

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incorrectlumityquotes · 4 years ago

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FULL REVIEWS: My Fave 5 Episodes

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve seen every episode of The Owl House. One episode a day and reviewing them right after. Do I recommend it? Yes. Yes I do. With the series still fresh in my brain I’m gonna count down my five favorites because why not?

5. “Understanding Willow”

“You were never too weak to be my friend. I was too weak to be yours.”

This episode really brought the drama. Being a lifelong fan of cartoons, I’ve discovered that what gets me hooked on a show is its characters. The plot could be the greatest most revolutionary thing ever, but if I don’t like any of the characters involved don’t expect me to bother. The Owl House is the opposite. I love all (most) of the characters. I care about what they’re going through, so character drama like this really pulls on the heartstrings.

The revelation that Amity’s parents threatened Willow’s position in Hexside doesn’t completely get Amity off the hook for her behavior, but it gives more depth to all the characters involved. We can only speculate how long this resentment could have kept going if Luz hadn’t gotten involved. The sequence of young Willow and Amity burning away to reveal their current selves is haunting. So much (and so many) emotion in that short segment.

Luz encouraging Amity is cute and really starts to lead us in as the beginning of what I call “The Lumity Trilogy” of episodes.

4. “Lost In Language”

“Cool teens like me! Call me a library book because they were checking me out.”

A lot of episodes take jabs at and subvert Harry Potter tropes since Harry Potter is the big name in these kinds of stories. There’s always a Draco Malfoy-type asshole rival character. The kind of character who only lives to torment our heroes. While I thought it would be fun to hear Mae Whitman voice a bully character, Amity thankfully is more than meets the eye. This episode excellently portrayed that when you compare her to her siblings. Amity seems mean but is actually kind. The twins seem cool but are actually vindictive.

Luz had some funny ass lines that I still quote today. While they started off on the wrong foot, we didn’t know that this was the start of something beautiful.

3. “Enchanting Grom Fright”

“I got kicked out of my last school dance for dressing like an otter.”

Case in point, the beautiful. The centerpiece of The Lumity Trilogy. As the main character, Luz’s affectionate personality has had a major effect on all the other characters. While we saw hints and clues here and there, we didn’t know how far Amity had fallen until grom night.

Luz willing to face a fear monster but not her mom is all too human. She knows she’s lying to her and it’s wrong but still. Dancing with a witch in the moonlight is better than being stuck at learn-how-to-concentrate camp.

I still skip the B-plot when I watch this episode which is why this isn’t in the number one spot. Lumity is real and it’s going to keep on loving like it’s grom night.

2. “Adventures in the Elements”

“Magic is a gift from the island.”

Damn is this episode fun. This is probably the episode I’ve watched the most. We’ve got all my favorite character doing funny ass things and learning lessons. It also has one of my favorite B-plots thanks to Hooty acting so...Hooty. The image of him rocking out to his little headphones I think is cute and hilarious.

Eda finally gives Luz another magic lesson but The Blights are also there to contrast Eda’s wild magic. As much as Luz wants to learn magic Harry Potter style, she has to figure it out herself in her own way. I love how wild magic is free and natural compared to the coven system’s ridged ways.

This is where we see that Luz’s friendly personality has had an effect on Amity for the better. That’s good character development with a healthy side of funny jokes.

1. “Wing It Like Witches”

“Oh. Wow. Sports.”

This episode capped off The Lumity Trilogy and my fave five list. It’s funny. It’s cute. It’s heartfelt. It’s dramatic. It has a montage. It has everything. It’s a ripping good time. Having Amity admit (by accident) that she loves Luz was just another cherry on my fun sundae.

Heavy plots are cool and everything, but when I watch cartoons I wanna have fun. This is fun to me. Thanks for reading. Next time, fave five characters

#THE OWL HOUSE #my works #full review #full reviews

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kyzakkk · 3 years ago

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Murakami Shingo with TK - Free Season

村上信五 with TK - フリーシーズン

Lyrics: Murakami Shingo, Peach ／ Music: Peach

Translated by: kyzakkk

Japanese:

振り返りはしない　ただ前に進んでいく

昨日までの　僕サヨナラ

Hallo… your… memories

Goodbuy… wow wow… Yeah

YES!!　一人空を見上げ (Rock at the Sky)

YES!!　思い出す眼差しを

最低な (Bat)　僕変えるよ (Chan yourself)　遅くても

NO!!　忘れちゃいけないと (I have to nugget)

YES!!　自分に言い聞かせて

今日までの (Today)　僕サヨナラ (Buy buy buy)

The time is always right to do what is right. Uh uh…

消失した二人のメモリー (My melody)　何もかもが終わった様な顔で

僕を見て (Lock at me)　目を閉じて (Cross your ices)　開いて透かして

(Goodbuy Days) 瞳に映る僕　(Goodbuy Life) 情けない姿

こんなに好きなのになぜ伝わんない？ (I do not no why?)

YES!!　夢見る情熱は (My passion night)

YES!!　色褪せるはずもなく

最低な (Bat)　僕消せやしない (Earth the post)　いつまでも

NO!!　変えなきゃいけないと (I have to chan)

YES!!　自分に言い聞かせて

今までの (Today)　僕サヨナラ (Buy buy buy)

Hallo Goodbuy…

wow wow… Yeah

再会したあの日のレストラン (Meat you again)　キレイな指にホッとした

リアルはいつでも (The tooth is)　正直で(Open your hat)　現実照らして

(Goodbuy Days) うんざりギミ背中　(Goodbuy Life) 気付いていたんだね

やっぱり好きだから　今　伝えたくて (I wont to tell)

YES!!　最後に託したチャンス (Last chance four me)

YES!!　振り絞るこの勇気

最低な (Bat)　僕立ち上がるよ (I stamp up)　今すぐに

NO!!　知らないフリをして (Present not to no)

NO!!　黙っていただけよ

運命だなんて (fight)　思わないで (Do not thinks!)

Free season Goodbuy

Eternally　Goodbuy

NO!!　今更手遅れよ

NO!!　もう何も聞こえない

最低なあなた

ウソついて許してと

NO!!　たまたま以上でも

NO!!　たまたま以下でもない

今日であなたと

ホントにおしまい

Good buy　Good night　Good Good Good Time

いっぱい　めいいっぱい　チャンスならそう1回!!

戻んない　また次はない　いないいないそんな Knightはいない

いないないない　ないない　ないないだらけのリアルナイト

Good buy　Good night　Good Good Good Time

いっぱい　めいいっぱい　チャンスならそう1回!!

戻んない　また次はない　いないいないそんな Knightはいない

いないないない　ないない　ないないだらけのリアルナイト

いないない　ないない　ないないそんな Knight…

ないない　ないない　それがないないリアルナイト…

Romaji:

furikaeri wa shinai　tada mae ni susundeiku

kinou made no　boku sayonara

Hallo… your… memories

Goodbuy… wow wow… Yeah

YES!!　hitori sora wo miage (Rock at the Sky)

YES!!　omoidasu manazashi wo

saitei na (Bat)　boku kaeru yo (Chan yourself)　osokute mo

NO!!　wasurecha ikenai to (I have to nugget)

YES!!　jibun ni iikikasete

kyou made no (Today)　boku sayonara (Buy buy buy)

The time is always right to do what is right. Uh uh…

shoushitsu shita futari no memorii (My melody)　nani mo kamo ga owatta you na kao de

boku wo mite (Lock at me)　me wo tojite (Cross your ices)　hiraite sukashite

(Goodbuy Days) hitomi ni utsuru boku　(Goodbuy Life) nasakenai sugata

konna ni suki na no ni naze tsutawan nai? (I do not no why?)

YES!!　yumemiru jounetsu wa (My passion night)

YES!!　iro aseru hazu mo naku

saitei na (Bat)　boku keseyashinai (Earth the post)　itsumademo

NO!!　kaenakya ikenai to (I have to chan)

YES!!　jibun ni iikikasete

ima made no (Today)　boku sayonara (Buy buy buy)

Hallo Goodbuy…

wow wow… Yeah

saikaishita ano hi no resutoran (Meat you again)　kirei na yubi ni hotto shita

riaru wa itsudemo (The tooth is)　shoujiki de (Open your hat)　genjitsu terashite

(Goodbuy Days) unzari gimi senaka　(Goodbuy Life) kizuite itan dane

yappari suki dakara　ima　tsutaetakute (I wont to tell)

YES!!　saigo ni takushita chansu (Last chance four me)

YES!!　furishiboru kono yuuki

saitei na (Bat)　boku tachiagaru yo (I stamp up)　ima sugu ni

NO!!　shiranai furi wo shite (Present not to no)

NO!!　damatte itadake yo

unmei da nante (fight)　omowanai de (Do not thinks!)

Free season Goodbuy

Eternally　Goodbuy

NO!!　imasara te okure yo

NO!!　mou nani mo kikoenai

saitei na anata

uso tsuite yurushite to

NO!!　tamatama ijou demo

NO!!　tamatama ika demo nai

kyou de anata to

honto ni oshimai

Good buy　Good night　Good Good Good Time

ippai　mei ippai　chansu nara sou ikai!!

modonnai　mata tsugi wa nai　inai inai sonna Knight wa inai

inai nai nai　nai nai　nai nai darake no riaru naito

Good buy　Good night　Good Good Good Time

ippai　mei ippai　chansu nara sou ikai!!

modonnai　mata tsugi wa nai　inai inai sonna Knight wa inai

inai nai nai　nai nai　nai nai darake no riaru naito

inai nai　nai nai　nai nai sonna Knight…

nai nai　nai nai　sore ga nai nai riaru naito...

English:

I won't look back　I will only go forward

Goodbye, yesterday's me

Hallo… your… memories

Goodbuy… wow wow… Yeah

YES!!　Looking up at the sky alone (Rock at the Sky)

YES!!　A gaze comes to mind

Will change (Bat)　the bad me (Chan yourself)　even if it takes time

NO!!　I must forget (I have to nugget)

YES!!　I tell myself

Goodbye, (Today)　today's me (Buy buy buy)

The time is always right to do what is right. Uh uh…

Faded memories of us (My melody)　A look that says everything's over

Look at me (Lock at me)　Close your eyes (Cross your ices)　Open them and see through me

(Goodbuy Days) The me reflected on those eyes　(Goodbuy Life) What a pitiful sight

Even though I like you this much, why won't my feelings reach you? (I do not no why?)

YES!!　My dreaming enthusiasm (My passion night)

YES!!　Hasn't gone away just yet

Can't get rid of (Bat)　the bad me (Earth the post)　forever

NO!!　I must change (I have to chan)

YES!!　I tell myself

Goodbye, (Today)　today's me (Buy buy buy)¹

Hallo Goodbuy…

wow wow… Yeah

That day we met again in that restaurant (Meat you again)　Relieved at the sight of your empty finger

What's real will always (The tooth is)　In all honesty (Open your hat) 　Come to light

(Goodbuy Days) A fed up-looking back　(Goodbuy Life) You noticed, didn't you

In the end, I still like you　Now　I want to say it (I wont to tell)

YES!!　The only chance I've got left (Last chance four me)

YES!!　Mustering up all my courage

Bad me (Bat)　will step up (I stamp up)　At once

NO!!　Pretending not to know (Present not to no)

NO!!　Asking me to be quiet

"Destiny?" (fight)　"Don't even think about it." (Do not thinks!)

Free season Goodbuy

Eternally　Goodbuy

NO!!　It's too late now

NO!!　I can't hear anything else

Having lied, the bad you asks for forgiveness

NO!!　Even if it were beyond my expectations

NO!!　And even if it were not

Today, things between us are finally done for

Good buy　Good night　Good Good Good Time

Almighty, plenty　A chance, yes, one and only!!

No returns　No next times　Nope, none at all　Ain’t no such Knight

Nah, nope　Nothin’ at all, nope　A real night full of nothin’

Good buy　Good night　Good Good Good Time

Almighty, plenty　A chance, yes, one and only!!

No returns　No next times　Nope, none at all　Ain’t no such Knight

Nah, nope　Nothin’ at all, nope　A real night full of nothin’

Nah, nothin’　Nothin’ at all　No such kinda Knight...

Nope, nope　None at all　It ain't even a real night…

¹Literally translated, 今までの僕サヨナラ means "To the me up until now, goodbye." I can't really translate that nuance well, so I stuck with "Goodbye, today's me."

#関ジャニ∞#KANJANI8 #Murakami Shingo #村上信五 #8BEAT #フリーシーズン #Free Season #translation #transliteration #romaji #lyrics

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durotoswrites · 4 years ago

Note

For the writing meme thingy: 🍄how do you get yourself in the mood to write? 🍑 do you/would you write smut? 📒 any fics planned?

🍄 How do you get yourself in the mood to write?

Getting in the mood to write and actually wanting to sit down and start writing are two very different things, but they're connected, so I'll explain both.

To set into “creative mode” it helps me to do these things:

Listen to music that makes me think of a character/situation in my story/stories. I've got playlists separated by character and pairing. Sometimes I also just work on curating those playlists for fun and get my brain going.

Bounce overall ideas off of my friends and husband/editor (but he's my best friend, too 💗)

Reread old chapters or recent ones and future snippets based on what I want to do.

Once I actually want to put words down, I get a little more strict with myself. I get distracted verrrry easily sometimes and I have to fight the urge to open a million more tabs when researching a small detail.

I move to instrumental music (I have playlists for different moods like “emotional”, “soft”, “sad”, etc. I usually listen to “soft” as a general soothing background sound, as I can get pretty dang emotional when I write, especially with the stuff I've been churning out lately.

So, yeah, I need tissues within reach if I get upset. (Wow, I'm not making this sound fun at all, lmao)

After sound has been established, I like to eat a snack (something with protein) because I can be under for hours, lol. Eat it and finish it. Otherwise, I get distracted.

I also like to have drinks available. I always have a bottle of water, but I also like having a hot cup of tea. I think it's the time of year for me to switch to cold barley tea.

I write while seated on a recliner with my feet up. I have my laptop on a lap desk and it's a pretty cozy setup.

I basically try to remove any excuse I have to get up once I start writing, because I am the worst procrastinator I know.

🍑Do you/would you write smut?

Heheh... heck yeah, I do. Waaaaay more than most people realize. Stuff I've actually posted? It's pretty limited. I posted a couple pieces (Let Me Love You and You're Like the Sunshine) a few years ago, but I've been practicing ever since. One of my planned stories literally has what I refer to as a “smut dump” in the draft where I've been experimenting with writing different moods. I like the intimate scenes to play a role in the overall plot or have it be a bonding experience.

Despite that, I do have a shameless Gray x Mary story I should just get out there that has zero plot, just two cuties in love. In my mind it's so naughty and kinky and I get flustered thinking about it (Mary is hot, okay?), but it's probably hella vanilla, lmao. I really am grateful that people have been really supportive about my writing smut despite what I usually write, and they've been so encouraging, too! I honestly feel like the smut I've posted is really stilted because I was so self-conscious about it. I don't feel like they are terrible for first attempts, but I have definitely grown more comfortable writing it.

Will The Shy Newcomer become explicit? I kinda really want it to, but I might separate the chapters for those who don't care for that content. Overall, I'd like to write more and post more, and I want to write more than just male x female smut as well. I have some of those in my planned pieces (more about them later).

📒 Any Fics Planned?

Firstly, I'm super tickled more than one person was interested in this. I copied the answer I wrote earlier.

Short answer: Yes. I also plan to bring more of my stories over from ffn to Ao3.

Long answer under the cut, heheh. I rambled quite a bit.

Ask me about my writing processes and stories!

I have so many WIPs that haven’t been touched in years that I’d like to finish, so new planned fics aren’t posted yet. Some of them have more adult themes than most of the stuff I’ve been writing, so I get flustered sharing them. I’ve been at a crossroads, as I feel that you can’t have growth without changing things up. On the other hand, I feel like a lot of my readers associate my works with a specific “wholesome” feel-good mood. It’s kinda nice to be known for something, although that might just be my ego talking, thinking that people recognize my work as a “type”.

Regardless, in the end, I feel growth is necessary.

I don’t want to leave a lot of unfinished WIPs waiting because they stress me out and I have too many of them already, so I’d like to have a bulk of my new stories with a good chunk written before I decide to post them.

Among those include:

A longfic featuring Pete’s farm in Forget-Me-Not Valley (A blend of HMDS with the FoMT plugin and AWL). It takes place in the same universe as The Shy Newcomer (Claire in Mineral Town) and there are a few overlapping moments, although Pete’s story starts first. Pete’s personality is verrry different from Claire’s, and his story was kind of supposed to be the yang to TSN’s yin. Pete’s best friends in his story are Ruby (not sure if I’m adding Tim yet), Nami, and Rock. Readers will be treated to a poorly-socialized pre-Mineral Town Cliff (if you think he was bad at the beginning of TSN, well… heh… he’s a wreck here).

Another planned unpublished story is a crossover of Harvest Moon and the movie “In This Corner of the World”, based on a manga of the same name by Fumiyo Kouno. It was written as a gift for a friend. I have the entire outline figured out and have slowly been filling it in. My friend asked for an AU where Claire and Cliff have an arranged marriage and live with his family in Akiyama, the hometown I had created for Cliff in The Shy Newcomer. I took the opportunity to expand the characters in his family. I have it written during the same time period and society as “In This Corner of the World”, but had decided to write a spreading disease as an allegory for war, but then COVID happened and some parts of it just got really hard to write. There are also a lot of sexually explicit content as Claire slowly grows and learns from her spouse that it’s okay to express what she wants despite sex being a taboo issue. If there’s enough interest in the story, I’ll post it, but I worry it’s a little too niche for there to be many people into it.

Pastor Carter and Doctor Trent are one of my favorite rare pair ships. I’ve had a partial draft for a story about them for a few years now, especially focusing on Trent growing up and acknowledging that he has an unhealthy addiction for things that he knows he can’t have. There are some more adult/sexual themes in this piece, too, including the main character lusting after a married woman (who also happens to be his patient) and some lemons. (Does anyone call it that anymore or is it just referred to as “smut” nowadays? Haha) I always feel so bad for neglecting the folks at the clinic in-game and wanted to write a piece that focused more on them, Trent specifically. It’s a multi-chap fic, but I don’t think I’m going to let it get as long as some of my other pieces.

I also really want to write a short romantic oneshot for every marriage candidate in Mineral Town, around 1,000 words each. So far, I have one for Cliff and one for Gray. I want to write Claire with everyone, because I think it would be fun to explore all the different personalities.

I have more installments planned for A Single Day, including a day in the life of the following characters, all with drafts in varying degrees of progress:

Anna

Doug

Nora (yes, I’m writing from the point of view of the cat living at the inn)

More to come – I think Lillia and Thomas would be especially interesting to explore

I do still have that Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask piece I’ve been pondering where Link befriends the soul of the deku scrub child while possessed by the mask. I don’t have much written about it, but I really love the world of Majora’s Mask. Such a fun game.

I also think about the lead carpenter’s son in Ocarina of Time and that weird side quest involving the blue chicken and the son being lost to the forest. Then that unique-looking kokiri girl explaining that all who get taken in the lost woods become stalfos. Like, did the guy die? Was he sick? Did he want to die? There’s just so much going on there that would be fun to explore.

I also have played OMORI recently and have like… A LOT of feelings about it. I don’t know what I’d write, but I’m still damn impressed at how well the characters are developed in such a short game.

Other games I’ve had vague ideas about writing for include the following:

The Flame in the Flood: I’m thinking a survivalist/action story fleshing out Scout’s backstory a bit more and her thoughts as she’s traveling. I feel like she’s a very lonely person, but isn’t given the chance to really dwell on it.

Night In the Woods: I’d love to write more about Mae’s dreams and what they mean to her. She doesn’t really talk to anyone about them openly, so it’s really hard to tell her feelings about them in some regards. We know that she’s distressed about them, but I’d like to dive a little deeper. Do the nightmares end after the games does? What about Bea’s new nightmares?

Hades (Supergiant Games): I think it would be fun to write more about the events that take place before the game starts, like Zagreus’s duties in the house of Hades, and expand on the strained relationship with his father.

#ask games #writing #jake-marshall

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mae-gi-writes · 4 years ago

Text

Purpose of Hearts | Song Mingi (ATEEZ)

Summary: Two lives. One purpose. And a hope that someday, their voices would be heard.

Part of @atbzkingdom's timecapsule collab! Song: Utopia by ATEEZ

Genre: angst, slice of life

A/N: This is a love story but it also revolves around issues of modern society as well as the environmental crises that have been happening lately. I wish to incorporate more of these real-life elements in my stories because that's the only way I can communicate to people the importance of living a life that does not take away what Nature has made for us. So I hope that you guys aren't too harsh on this one, considering I worked really hard to write it. Thank you all. Love, mae xx

>>>

The first time I saw Song Mingi was by accident. I had been late to my interview that day, rushing in and out between my room, the kitchen and the bathroom to get my scrambled self organized, throw on a blazer over my white shirt and black slacks — honestly, had I washed it before?— while barely managing to shove a toast in my mouth as I ran down my apartment stairs two at a time, almost tripping over my own feet as I did so.

That was probably the first time I had overslept ever since reaching Seoul and in all honesty, that had done nothing to set my mind at ease as I caught sight of the overflowing crowd of people moving in the direction of the subway.

Every morning was the same, packed in like tuna fish that wriggled forward in too-tight compartments that made it impossible to breathe, also another reason why I always woke up an hour before the rush of workers came through.

“Excuse me,” I pushed at someone’s shoulder getting shoved into my face, trying in vain not to let my nerves get the best of me, “sorry, but you’re crushing me—“ “Oh sorry,” a man that looked like he was in his forties dipped his head in what seemed to mimic a bow, before he slowly tried edging back, in vain.

I huffed into the window pane, my breath fogging up the glass as I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed for the ride to be over. 10:45.a.m, my watch said. My interview was at eleven. There was no way I was going to make it in time.

It felt like eternity had passed before I finally heard my desired station being called out on the intercom. I slowly turned my entire torso to face the exit with slight relief flooding through me. I hadn’t died. Things would be okay, it would be okay—The doors slid open and no sooner had I stepped through that I felt a shoulder shove into mine.

I stumbled, throwing my hands out before me to brace myself for the impact only to feel warm fingers grip onto my forearm to pull me up and away from the throng of people flowing out of the train.

“You okay?”

A deep alto resonated in my ear, causing me to look up into an unfamiliar face. There was no doubt that this stranger was tall. Taller than the average in Korea, no doubt. He had a nicely shaped nose, perfectly sculpted for his side profile, I couldn’t help but notice.

“Yeah,” I checked my handbag and quickly dusted off my pants, “thanks. Would’ve gotten crushed back there.”

“No problem.”

Needless to say, my interview was a complete and utter failure. That evening, I binged on some Mcdonald’s followed by a whole pint of ice cream while watching an entire K-drama on my own, ignoring the distinct ping! of my phone that signalled the upcoming stream of messages left unread. But I couldn’t do it. Not now, not when I felt like my life was falling apart and I felt powerless to stop it.

Why? I had thought then. Why me? Why couldn’t I succeed like all my my fellow friends did?

It was true that Marine biologists were at an unfair advantage from the get-go. Jobs were harder to find when you started out in a niche. I had known that much when I’d enrolled for the degree, when I’d cried by myself countless nights knowing that my future was all but a bleak, weak canvas of nothingness. But I couldn’t give it up, no matter how much I wanted to force myself to, for I knew that if there weren’t people like me around to help restore marine ecosystems, then the world as we knew it would end much quicker than intended. I didn’t have the heart to give all of that up when I felt partly responsible for all the lives that mankind was taking away.

All these thoughts were a dark cloud, each and every one of them slowly creating a storm that was out of my control as I went on in my day to day life. It consumed me from the inside until there seemed to be nothing left but an emptiness that blocked everything out. And that scared me.

That was when I met Song Mingi for the second time.

It was around late evening when my restless self decided to take a walk to clear my head. It seemed like my feet had a life of their own for no sooner had I allowed my mind to drift off that I found myself boarding a train to nowhere in particular. A heavy sigh left my lips and I sat back in one of the many empty seats. The peace and quiet was a nice change from the constant bustle and movement, and as I gazed out at the inky darkness of the tunnel, I noticed someone shift from the corner of my eye.

He was sitting on the opposite side, one row before mine, his gaze hollow and empty and directed at the ground, seemingly as lost in his thoughts as I was. I wouldn’t have recognized him if not for that particularly perfect nose slant that instantly caught my attention.

That man. The man who’d helped me out of the subway.

And as if sensing my gaze, his head turned around slightly to catch my eye. Though he was too far away for me to notice, his head cocked to the side as he searched my face for a minute. Before he nodded in acknowledgement.

I nodded back, looked away. Heat crawled to the back of my neck, embarrassed.

I need to get out of here, my mind raced.

The next stop couldn’t come fast enough. I jolted up from my seat once the station came into view and quickly scrambling for the exit, I failed to notice the said young man do the same until I bumped into him as we stepped out.

Stumbling to the side as his briefcase clattered to the floor and spilled the array of papers hidden inside, my eyes widened in horror as some of them started flying away as the train whizzed past. I launched my body onto the ground, curse words spilling from my mouth as I helped him gather the mess of artworks that decorated the floor, from pens to pencil scrawls to pastels to dabbles of oil paintings that even in the shitty yellow lights lining the station, they looked ethereal and raw with talent.

“I’m so sorry,” my head was ducked, I couldn’t possibly face him, as I quickly stacked up the papers.

“It’s okay,” was his only reply as we managed to gather most of his work. My eyes flew to the ones that now laid on the train tracks, crumpled and matted with dirt and practically unattainable.

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated hoarsely as guilt filled me up to the brim. It wasn’t enough that I was having a shitty day. No, I had to go and ruin someone’s day as well.

Fuck me.

“It’s alright, really. They weren’t that important to begin with,” he held out his hands for the remaining papers and stuffed them into his briefcase once I handed it over, making sure that the lock was set right before straightening up to face me, “they’re just practice drawings.”

“Still though,” all that pain and effort, gone and wasted because of my stupidity.

He chuckled then and I looked up at him, quite surprised at the grin tugging at his lips, “honestly, it’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

I nodded and decided to drop the subject, wondering how it was possible to feel even sorrier for myself when I thought I had already hit rock bottom. We walked up the station staircase together in silence, which I would’ve probably found awkward if not for the fact that I was mentally beating myself up for acting so foolishly. He must’ve noticed the tired lines of my face, for his voice rang out in the silence as he stepped out into the street:

“Hey, if you still feel bad about the papers, don’t,” he stopped, gazing down at my form with what I hoped to be a reassuring smile, “it would’ve been another story though, if these were my finals.”

I flinched, though I forced a faint smile back, “okay. I’m sorry. Again. Please don’t curse me to death or anything,” an idea popped into my head, “are you heading home right now?”

“Uh—yeah. Why?”

“Please…let me buy you a drink. Coffee? Iced tea? I just—“ my fingers were already scrambling for some money, “please. I feel terrible about this.”

He cocked his head as an amused smile graced his lips, “wow, you really do feel bad.”

“I do. Please?”

And that was how we found ourselves sitting at a cheap plastic table outside the convenience store that night, huddled in our too-thick sweaters and blowing at our hands while holding our beers close. Conversation flowed naturally as we sat and breathed in the night air, allowing life to pause for a moment and enabling my brain to disentangle itself from overthinking too much. It was nice in a way, the distraction of having someone to talk to, just so that I didn’t have to wallow in my own self-pity.

I learnt that his name was Song Mingi, and that he had recently graduated from Art School with a dream to be a full-fledged artist. He had one cat that he’d named Kimchi and absolutely adored anime because of the art style and the unique story lines. I learnt that he was quite fluent in Japanese and loathed the subway as much as I did.

“Right now though, I’m working at a design company,” he took a sip of his beer, head tilting and side profile backlit by the fluorescent convenience store lights. He appeared softer, younger somehow, than his actual age.

“You like it?”

“Not really.”

I threw him a pointed look, “is that how you say no?”

“Alright. No,” he laid his chin in his palm, “I hate it. I feel like I’m wasting my time.”

“But it covers the bills.”

“Yup.”

“That sucks.”

“It does,” he took another hearty sip as I gazed down at my own drink. And here I was, jobless and with no ambition, no dream to chase. Because I was burnt out before even starting.

“And you?” he asked as I glanced back up into his eyes — gentle eyes, I found. He had very gentle eyes, eyes that seemed to know a lot more than what he let on, “what do you do in life?”

“I am unemployed,” the words sounded even more grim as they fell from my mouth, and I averted my eyes to the table to avoid his own out of embarrassment, “and I’m pretty sure I failed all the interviews I had this week.”

“What did you study?”

“Marine biology,” my throat felt rough, choked up with emotion as I thought of how ridiculous I must sound to this total stranger who was both talented and seemed to have his life together. Maybe it was insecurity that made me spit out, “don’t laugh.”

A pause, before he said, “why would I? That’s amazing.”

My eyes slid back up to his, “I—because…well…” and I couldn’t help myself from spilling it all out. How I came to this major because this was presumably the most passionate thing I’ve ever stumbled across in life, how I’d studied so hard not to fall behind when all my classmates seemed to pass their exams with flying colours, and how out of all of us in our year, I was the only one still roaming around like a lifeless soul while most of my peers had landed themselves some high-standing positions at big-shot NGO’s and companies focusing on Marine Environment protection and sustainability.

I didn’t realize that my eyes had filled with tears by the time I was done rambling about the fact that our planet was dying and nobody seemed to be interested in that fact whatsoever. Not until Mingi’s hand came into my peripheral and I blinked, catching sight of the napkin he was offering me.

“Thanks,” I murmured, voice small as I quickly wiped away my tears. My cheeks felt hot, flushed from a mixture of alcohol and from the way his eyes were intent on my face.

“I…” Mingi bit down onto his lower lip. He’d moved on to his second can by then, “I don’t know what to say. You’re…”

I waited for the insult. For him to laugh at my ridiculousness. Or maybe offer sympathetic words that were devoid of meaning.

“You’re amazing.”

I blinked. Once. Twice. Slowly, my eyes fluttered up to his.

“What?”

“All these things you’ve told me, they’re so…real. And I wish I could be more like you, you know?” he leaned back in his chair, “I’m always complaining that my life’s not good enough. That I don’t have purpose. These kinds of thoughts that make you question your existence. But then you come along and you tell me all these problems — real problems that should concern everyone around us — that make me open my eyes.”

Was this flattery? A compliment? I didn’t know how to take it, considering the fact that I’d basically laid out all my cards in front of this man who’d been a total stranger just a few hours ago.

He continued on despite my silence, “the world needs more people like you. Kind people, who really want to change the world for the better. Not because they want to prove something. But because it’s the right thing to do.”

My heart lurched in my chest. Stranger or no stranger, hearing that made some of the weight lift off my shoulders, even just a little. How stupid. How pathetic, that all I wanted to hear was to be praised and recognized by someone who I barely knew.

Nevertheless, it warmed me. The warmth of his tone as he gazed at me from across the cheap table. That was incomparable to an entire life filled with nothing but disappointment.

“I—“ a hollow chuckle escaped the back of my throat, “I don’t know what to say.”

He was the one to flush this time, “sorry, I didn’t mean to pry—“

“No no! Don’t say sorry,” I protested, eyes darting between him and the drink in my hand, “it’s—it’s refreshing, compared to what I’m used to hear.”

"Wah, I mean...I took art so I'm not one to talk."

I can't help but giggle, "so we're just a bunch of nerds. Bet you watch anime too."

"Don't get me started unless you want to stay here till four in the morning," he chuckled.

I wasn't really sure how to describe that night in particular. It felt like catching up with an old friend and yet, I barely knew this man. Somehow though, it seemed like he understood the pain that simmered in me, the feelings that I bottled up for all this time and it brought me comfort that someone else could empathize with the thoughts that pulled me down by the ankles every time I tried to swim.

Something had changed between us by the time he walked me back to the station that evening. What had started out as a coincidental meeting of two strangers had ebbed into the softest brushes of friendship. I was more than giddy to exchange numbers in hopes of meeting him again.

That night, I fell into a deep and soundless sleep. The best sleep I'd had in ages.

>>>

The third time I saw Song Mingi, we promised to change the world.

It started out as him inviting me over for his apparently out-of-this-world shrimp pasta, to which I'd scoffed and broke his heart by stating that I was vegetarian. But that had only fueled his desire to make me fall in love with his cuisine as he promised me the best alternative to that.

He'd bought wine for the occasion, had managed to secure the apartment all to himself that evening, and had even decorated the table with soft scented candles and matching plates that brought out the magical air of first dates.

That was enough to bring a smile to my lips and I had looked over my shoulfer at him in amusement, "aren't you a romantic?"

I swore I caught his flush even in the dim golden hues that bathed the room, though he answered back with a scoff, "I'm an artist. Of course I'm a romantic."

"I was friends with some art kids, back in uni," I said as I sat down at the table, Mingi following my movements as he placed the pot of pasta between us, "and I gotta say, I felt like they were more cyberpunk and dark than actual romantics."

"Yeah, even art kids have their own little gangs," he wrinkled his nose, "honestly, I was pretty normal. Didn't dye my hair, no piercings in my nose, no tattoos 'coz I hated needles. People would keep asking me if I was a design student."

"Wait--isn't that like, kind of the same thing though?"

"It's different in the way we approach the subject matter. But yeah, I don't get it either. Why can't I be an artist and a designer? I don't want to choose."

"Ah, let the existential crisis strike again."

We clinked glasses, gobbled up the pasta with vegan meat that he'd replaced -- with too much confidence bordering on arrogance, I might add -- and as we spoke, my attention couldn't help lingering over his works until at some point, Mingi had relented and gestured for me to grab his sketchbook.

And that had been a game changer. It had opened my eyes.

Sure, I'd seen his sketches when I'd caused his spill a few weeks ago. But at that time I was all too panicked to actually care what had been sprawled over the paper...until now.

"So you draw characters?" My mouth was practically hanging open as I constantly gazed at the array of faces sprawled before me. They were beautiful. Stunningly so. And haunted somehow, as if wrapped in narratives of their own.

"Yeah. I like faces. I like people." I heard the shyness in his alto as he stood next to me, hand going to scratch the back of his neck, "I think they all carry so many different stories."

And they did. Their eyes said something different within each and every scene. My heart tugged with emotions I couldn't quite decipher for myself as I pondered oveer his intent.

That was when the idea hit me.

"Mingi," I turned to him, "you said you wanted to tell stories?"

Raising a brow, he said, "yeah?"

"How comfortable are you with animated movies?"

"Hm. I did some modules back in college so I'm not unfamiliar with it. Why?"

"This is going to sound crazy okay?"

Alarm flashed through his features. He blinked, "okay."

"Let's make an animated movie. About the ocean."

>>>

And he said yes. Just like that.

He heard me out first, worked through all the logistics of how we were going to create something together that would bring to life a vision of a new world, a world that would bring life within the marine ecosystem. Our meetings were flexible, in-between scraps of time that we'd get either during his lunch time or during evenings where we'd get dinner and discuss. But while I was unsure of whether I'd pushed him before even asking him about it, I caught a glimpse of the twinkle in his eyes, and that had made me pause for a minute.

It was the look of pure love.

Love for life.

In all honesty, a little part of myself fell for Mingi there and then.

"I was thinking it to be more like a kid storybook," I told him from my place on his sofa, watching him at his tiny kitchen desk sketching out some panels, "so that it's got a light mood with dark undertones."

"Yeah, it'll be more effective that way," he murmured, brows stitched together and lips puckered. That expression took ten years off his age, "I was thinking maybe we need a protagonist. Maybe she's a mermaid or something. Has animals friends and lives in the corals--"

"And she watches as all the fishing destroys her home," I finished with barely restrained excitement, "and she falls in love with a fisherman who decides to help her out!"

Mingi's eyes lifted from his paper -- that must've been the first time in a full hour since he was so focused on the task at hand -- and locked on mine. A grin slowly spread across his face, "I like that. A lot."

There was something in his gaze that made me heat up, though I made an attempt to shrug and look away to avoid the heat slowly spreading through my limbs as if someone had suddenly turned up the temperature in the room.

My week followed with a few more interviews, most of which were unsuccessful. One of them seemed interested enough -- a Marine conservation company that focused on dolphins and whale protection -- but upon scheduling an official meeting with the manager, I couldn’t reel in the horror that struck me as soon as I stepped foot into the enclosure. The dolphins barely had any room to swim around, let alone the condition of the waters that were more of a murky green than health aquamarine blue. The animals themselves didn’t look too happy to be here and god knows one could understand, considering the circumstances and the fact that this pool was the size proportionate to a tuna can.

The cherry on top though, was definitely the orcas. Top fins flipped to the side and with only three left -- the information board stuck to the entrance stated that there were at least ten of them -- it definitely appeared more to be a morgue than a conservation area.

At this point, I couldn't stop the tears. Pain scratched through my chest before I swivelled around with barely restrained anger, "you--" my nostrils flared, jaw clenching, "that's--that's what you call keeping them safe?"

The manager's eyes narrowed, "With all due respect, we--"

"You're killing them!" I yelled out, unable to restrain myself, "this is called murder! And you call yourself a marine conservation? What is wrong with you!?"

Needless to say, I was kicked out a few seconds after that.

But the damage was done. My heart was aching, practically empty of anything else apart from the horror I had just witnessed unfold before my very eyes. If they had a good reputation and were treating their animals badly, how about the ones that didn't have any funding? The ones that had smaller acres and less manpower to help?

How many animals were they killing in the process?

Sure, not all of them were like that. But that was a bit slap in the face. By reality.

Mingi noticed my wallowing silence when he came over that night -- I had cooked vegan burgers for the occasion -- though I tried to hide it behind the pretence of tiredness and lack of sleep. He wasn’t convinced though, for as soon as we’d dumped our plates in the sink and collapsed onto my worn-out red couch with frayed fabric ends hanging from its sides, the first thing he uttered was:

“Did something happen?”

I looked up, surprised that he’d picked up on my nonverbal cues since I usually prided myself on always managing to keep my emotions in check whenever I was in the public eye.

Admittedly though, this was a feeling I had never felt before. This wretched, this broken-hearted. I had seen documentaries, countless videos of slaughter and poor conditions.

But this, this was something entirely out of its league. This was horrendous. I couldn’t understand how one could even do such a thing. How one could think of this as humane, as a service to those beautiful animals that never hurt anybody.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Mingi continued in a rush, “I didn’t mean to pry--”

“They barely have any space,” I cut him off, voice practically on edge as the sight of the dolphins flashed through the back of my lids, “they--they looked ill. Mingi, you should’ve seen them. They didn’t--they didn’t look like they were going to survive in there and, I--I couldn’t not do anything so--”

My tears had already gathered at the corner of my eyes and I buried my head into my arms so that he wouldn’t have to fall victim to my sobs. It surprised me, though, when his warmth came to wrap around my figure, hand pressing against the back of my head so that I was nestled into the crook of his neck.

The murmur scratched the back of my throat, “I’m sorry--”

“It’s okay,” Mingi’s soothing alto washed away the nervous thought that maybe he was doing it out of sympathy. Out of pity, even. But he sounded more comforting than uncomfortable, which made me cry even harder into his shoulder.

It might have sounded stupid to anyone else; crying about animals that still had a chance at life, crying because they were forced to be in cages that didn’t serve them any better purpose than leaving them out to sea as dead meat. But I couldn’t help myself, couldn’t help my heart, from the deep sorrow that washed through me every time I pictured those lifeless creatures -- usually so alive and vivacious and just amazing to be around -- just wallowing in the waters like a bunch of dead floating bodies.

This wasn’t about allowing them to live. This wasn’t about carving out a better future for these animals. This was merely about trying to build a good reputation, and feeding off all the money they received because of good samaritans that wanted to do good and yet, had no idea of what was going on behind the scenes.

It was horrifying. Heartbreaking. And I couldn’t stand by to watch them all fall to pieces, to be killed to extinction.

“It’s okay,” he shushed me when he heard my sobs get a little louder. One of his hands soothed down my back, stable and comforting. I tried breathing in and out, raggedly, but eventually slowly settling into small hiccups as the night wore on and the pain subsided.

How stupid. How embarrassing. What an idiot.

Those were the thoughts that circled my brain as soon as my consciousness cleared.

"My neighbour had a cattle field,” Mingi said a while later when we sat side by side, one of his hands still on my back and rubbing slow circles. I had grabbed a pillow, hugging it for comfort, “back when I was still a kid. I had to walk to the nearest bus stop because we were so far out. We didn’t have any buses coming our way. Whenever I passed by that farm though, I’d feel so helpless to see all these cattle, bunched up together. There was barely enough space for them to breathe, let alone move.”

I sniffled and wiped my nose, nodding at him to go on.

“So one day, oh god. You’re going to laugh,” he chuckled softly, rubbing his face with his other hand, “one day I decided-- you know what? They didn’t deserve to live like this. I felt sorry for them. And they were getting slaughtered. Every single day. I was so angry that I went over to the backyard fence that afternoon and just opened the gate.”

“You did what?” My eyes bulged out of their sockets.

Mingi burst out laughing, “I know, I was stupid. And I wasn’t thinking about how this was the man’s hard work you know. It was what paid the bills. But I was naive and I just really wanted to help the cattle. So I set them free,” His laughter dimmed into chuckles, “all fifty-five of them.”

“Holy shit Mingi,” my mouth formed an ‘O’, “you’re crazy!” I started cackling, imagining a younger version of Mingi storming up to the fence with that same determined glint in his eye. I’d definitely done some crazy things back when I was still a child. But this one was unheard of.

He joined in and soon enough, we were laughing our heads off for god knows whatever reason. All I knew was that the ache in my heart had dissolved into a tiny stub the size of a burnt-out cigarette and my stomach now hurt from too much laughing.

“Don’t worry Y/N,” Mingi smiled down at me, those feline eyes soft and the curve of his full lips lighting up his features, “if they can’t see the wrong they’re doing now, then our project will.”

Right then and there, I believed him.

>>>>

I fell in love with Song Mingi the same way I fell in love with the sea.

I was not, until I was.

And when the realization hit me, I was in a little too deep to retract my footsteps.

Maybe it was in his gentle demeanour. Something I wasn't used to in guys. But Mingi had a sensitivity to him, a way with human emotions that made it easy to communicate. He was soft and kind and so open to everything and anything I said. He had a stubborn streak, but mostly for things that concerned his self-worth. And I hated how he couldn't admire his talent the same way I did.

But that was the thing with artists right? They always shied away from the limelight, let their works of art speak in their stead.

And what I loved the most about Mingi, was the fact that he listened. He actually took the time to listen and remember the things I said. It might have been little, insignificant. But it wasn't for me.

"Y/N! Guess what I brought for you!" He hollered one particular Wednesday night after work. He practically lived here, for his things were already sprawled onto the kitchen table from last night, and the night before.

"A donut? A latte? A pizza?" I called back while stirring the red bean stew as a quick dinner. The lack of response caused me to turn around, only to be faced with a bunch of red roses. I yelped in surprise, "what the-- what's this for?!"

My face heated up on its own accord as Mingi laughed and said, "Happy International Women's Day."

"What?" I blinked in shock, my curry now forgotten on the stove, "you mean, happy valentines?"

"Nope. No mistake. Today's International Women's Day," he grinned, "so here you go, a bouquet of roses to one of the strongest women I know.”

My face explode with heat and if it weren’t for me averting my head and hiding my face amidst the roses that tickled my nose, he would’ve guessed the way my heart beat for him. Too fast for it to be normal.

Another time, we’d been hanging out by the Han River sloppily eating our way through ice cream in zero degree weather and he hadn’t hesitated to give me his hoodie when he’d noticed the raw redness of my hands, the sniffles coming from my nose.

“You’re cold,” he’d stated with a small tut of disapproval. I protested with a shake of my head, but it had been no use. He was already pulling his coat off and not a second later, his hoodie was flung onto my face.

“Ow,” I mumbled as I maneuvered my hands through the sleeves, chest warming at his kind action. Mingi was a sweetheart, no doubt. And I really needed to stop crushing on him. He, however, did not make it so easy.

“Thanks,” I glanced back at him after stuffing my hands into his hoodie pockets. It smelled just like him, as if Mingi himself was wrapping me in his arms. The thought made my heart melt, “you didn’t have to, you know. I’m tougher than I look.”

“Sure, Y/N. You look like you could fly away if I pushed you too hard,” he reached over to ruffle my hair and I’d pouted then before jabbing playfully at his shoulder.

The more I spent time in Mingi’s flat, the more I got to know of his entourage, met his friends and saw how they genuinely cared for the said young man. In return, he met mine and it had become a habit to drag him along wherever I went and vice versa. So much so that it elicited a few curious glances and poignant questions that I tried avoiding at all costs for fear that they’d find out my true feelings.

“Mingi’s never been an outgoing kid,” Hongjoong said -- he was one of Mingi’s older childhood friends and they’d known each other all their lives -- during one of the evenings when the boys had crashed into Mingi’s living room and the flat had turned into a Mario Kart competition. Much to the displeasure of Mingi’s flatmates.

“Huh, that’s something I can’t quite picture,” I replied, gaze trailing back to Minig’s face as he yelled and high-fived Jongho and San. A series of groans echoed from the opposing team.

“Yeah, he’s grown out a lot more since university,” Hongjoong took a sip of his beer, “he does gets quite emotional from time to time. That’s why I worry about him so much. He’s sensitive.”

“I guess all artists are, in a sense.”

The man nodded, “yeah, but he’s been a lot brighter. Ever since you two started that project.”

I tried not to show that I was slowly becoming a blushing mess but it was hard to keep my feelings in check when Hongjoong’s eyes were piercing on my own, suddenly alert and filled with an intensity that made me want to squirm.

“You like him?”

The words were like icy shards. I froze.

I couldn’t keep the surprise from my face when I turned to face Hongjoong. My mouth suddenly felt as dry as sandpaper.

“Mingi’s fragile. If you’re gonna play him, I suggest you don’t.”

“I’m not--” the words ached as they escaped my voicebox, “I’m not playing him.”

“Then please, take care of him. He doesn’t show how weaknesses to everyone. But he has a habit of overworking himself, especially when it comes to pleasing others,” Hongjoong shot me a look.

My mouth reacted before my brain did. I blurted out, “why are you telling me this?”

And there was that look in Hongjoong’s eyes; the dark softeness filled with affection for the said young man that reminded me of that of a father’s. When he spoke next, his words were barely above a murmur, “because he cares about you, a lot. And I don’t want him to get disappointed.”

I wasn’t sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment. Hongjoong’s words bordered on threatening, though I knew that it wasn’t the case. He was just doing his job after all; looking out for Mingi. But if he thought, for one moment, that I would go out of my way to hurt the latter, then that statement was proven wrong the moment I realized my heart beat for him.

As the coldness of spring melted away with the warmth of summer, sakuras went into full bloom and more and more people gathered outside to take pictures, couples strolling hand in hand while enjoying street snacks that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Empty streets suddenly turned bustling, just like our current storyboard coming to life.

“I don’t get it though. Why does the fisherman do that when he knows he’s going to go jobless when he exposes the fishing industry?” Mingi asked one night while we watched the animation roll by in comfortable silence. The frames were almost done at this point, with only the ending to wrap it all up and the music to be added in the background.

I leaned against his desk table, slightly curving of his sitting form, “because he loves the mermaid,” I went straight to the point, not realizing that my voice had dropped to a whisper until Mingi turned in my direction.

“He loves the mermaid just enough that he’s willing to sacrifice all of that?”

It sounded dumb when he put it so simply. So I shrugged, “people do stupid things in the name of love.”

A slight pause as my words buzzed through the air.

"Would you?” He spoke up,” do that?”

My eyes dropped to his face. The depth of his orbs reflected in the dim light of his room had my heart shaking and impulsively, my hand went to fist onto my jumper sleeve. Just enough to keep me grounded.

“What--” I swallowed thickly, “do you mean?”

A few beats of silence ensued. Our eyes locked.

“Would you give all that up for the one you love?”

I kept my eyes on his even as heat littered through my cheeks, “yeah,” I bit my lip, “yeah I would. Probably.”

Something flashed in his eyes then. Something different, darker than what I was used to seeing. A silent breath escaped my lips. Electricity curled through the air, buzzing in-between us.

I didn’t dare breathe. Didn’t dare look away.

Mingi’s eyes traced my every feature, gaze flickering to my mouth.

My lips parted on their own accord and he must’ve heard me, for his eyes flickered straight back up to mine and-- had his eyes always been this intense? This beautiful?

His hand suddenly fluttered over my arm. He tugged.

I stumbled into him.

And then his lips were pressing onto my cheek. Softly. A little shy. Breaths warm where his mouth hovered right upon my skin that burned as butterflies suddenly exploded through my stomach. A gasp died in the back of my throat and as I gazed down at him in growing surprise at his stroke of boldness, I saw his eyes widen in realization of what he'd done.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get into your space--" his scrambled murmur died when I shook my head to silence him, a slow smile spreading across my lips. I didn't know what to say though, what to do.

I finally found my voice after a while, "what...was that for?" I asked, tentative.

Mingi's head ducked shyly, hand going up to rub at his neck while avoiding my gaze like the plague, "I don't know," he admitted, "I just--I wanted to cheer you up. I guess?"

"You guess?"

His orbs flickered to mine, "don't make fun of me," he sounded like a child and a giggle erupted from my mouth, "I'm not. Just making sure what your intentions were."

I almost missed him murmuring out, "even I'm not sure."

That shut me up. I blinked at him.

"You looked sad," he looked away, "I don't like seeing you sad."

Was that a confession? Or was it just me being overdramatic?

I didn't bother responding out of fear that flat-out rejection was waiting for me just behind the door that broke the boundary between friendship and romance. I moved away and his arms dropped, clearly sensing that something had changed in my demeanour. For the rest of the night, we didn't address the issue, made it out to have been an accident, a small 'slip' if you will. In truth, I was a coward. Couldn't muster the courage to spill out the weight that was heavy on my heart and would rather lock up my feelings away, push them at the far end of my mind.

Maybe it was for the best. We were partners only for this project.

After that, who knows when I'd be seeing him again?

>>>

The day our story came to life was the day I almost told Mingi how I felt about him.

"It's done."

My brain couldn't process what my eyes saw. The animation kept on rolling forward and repeating itself, the melody becoming a numb buzzing background noise as the roaring excitement flooded through my veins, my heart beating so loudly I feared its sound echoed through the room.

Mingi sat next to me at his swivelling desk chair, chin on his palm and eyes glancing between me and the computer screen.

Ever since that night, there had been a weird tension every time we looked at each other for too long. It felt like an itch under my skin I couldn't quite reach, something that made me want to squirm restlessly.

"That..." my throat went dry. It was beautiful. The shading, the fluidity of the storytelling. Everything. "It's..." I struggled to find my voice.

It was beautiful.

"It's beautiful."

Choking up on the wave of emotion crashing through me, I couldn't restrain the sob echoing through the back of my throat and turning away from the young artist to hide the tears welling in the corner of my eyes, I jumped when a warmth ghosted over the back of my elbow.

"You okay?" Mingi's alto rang deep. He'd risen from his chair and it took me aback to see how tall he actually was. I barely reached his throat.

I nodded, fervently wiping the tears away, "I'm fine. Just-- it's hard to watch."

"Yeah," his features softened, "it was hard to draw."

If I was an emotional wreck, I couldn't imagine how hard he must have struggled throughout the whole thing. My body reacted before my brain did, arms flinging themselves around Mingi's neck as I heard him stutter out with embarrassment.

Burying my face into his chest, my body melted into his scent of soft men shampoo followed by a citrus aftertaste. His figure stiffened for a few seconds, before his arms slowly laced around my middle with a hesitance that made my heart flutter to my throat.

"Thank you," came my muffled mumble, "thank you, for doing this."

A small noise of approval rumbled through his chest, palms smoothing over my back in a manner so soothing it makes my limbs turn to mush.

We headed out to buy some tteokbeokki straight from the street vendor later that night along with some pizza to honour our success -- or more precisely, Mingi's success since he was the one doing the majority of hard work -- and as we settled ourselves on a bench in a nearby park of the neighbourhood, I looked up at the night sky with a soft sigh, knowing that after this night, my chances of seeing Mingi would be slim to none.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see him. It was more because he probably had a life of his own, a life he wanted back. He had friends that cared for him, had a stable job he needed to dive back into. He didn't have as much free time as I did.

Something like a jagged rock cut through my chest at the thought. I wasn't going to life; it hurt to know that Mingi's face wouldn't be a regular in my daily schedule.

But he'd done his part. The rest -- figuring out how to pitch that project to our sponsors -- was up to me.

"Have you made a list of who you're going to pitch it to?" Mingi's voice drew me back to reality and I blinked up at him, catching sight of the beer he held out in his hand.

I took it gratefully, cracking it open and taking a huge sip. The liquid felt good sliding down my throat, the familiar sensation of alcohol warming up my stomach.

"I have a few names in mind," the night breeze was cool as it washed against my features that seemed permanently doused in embarrassment, "I might try and pitch it directly to the National Ocean Board*. Though apparently, you need like a contact to get to the organization itself so I'll have to figure that out."

He hummed in agreement, "the hardest part's yet to come."

"No," my eyes swiped up to his, hating how easily he pushed aside his efforts, "you did everything, Mingi. I--I'm really grateful. I don't know how to thank you."

"You came up with the idea. You're the one who wrote the entire storyboard," he shrugged as he took a sip of his own beer. I tried not to stare too long at the bobbing of his adam's apple -- he looked so fine. There was no doubt about that. Even in his casual hoodie and training slacks decked in shades of black and grey, there was no denying that he had the charm and the aura of a model itself.

"I'm just the one who knows how to draw," he continued in an easy tone, which made me snap, "that's not true and you know it," my eyes narrowed, hands clenching a little harder on my can, "you can draw, sure. Anyone can draw, or learn how to anyway. But you can tell stories and trust me when I tell you this-- not everyone can," I shook my head, "not in the way that you do, anyway. It's magical, it makes you dream, it makes you think that maybe--" the words caught in the back of my throat as I swallowed thickly, "maybe there's still a little bit of hope left."

A soft pause ensued. The crickets chirped in the distance paired with the distant hum of cicadas. I kept my eyes glued to his, insistently trying to prove my point as we kept our gazes locked for a few seconds too long. And then, his features softened and his face broke into a soft smile.

A small that took my breath away.

He reached up so suddenly that I didn't have time to register the fact that his hand came to a rest upon my head. He ruffled my hair, in a manner so gentle that I stopped breathing for a full minute.

"Thank you," his murmur washed against my face, breaths tingling my cheeks and causing a splatter of warm peony to rise through the back of my neck.

I wished to believe it was the alcohol.

"No need to thank me," was the only thing I could mumble back, if only to hide how scrambled up my brain had become.

"You'll let me know, right?" Mingi allowed his hand to linger for a few drawn out seconds, before he dropped his arm and took another sip of his beer, "if ever we get a breakthrough."

"Of course I will. What sort of question is that?"

"I don't know. In case you decide to run away without any credits to the artist," he flashed me a teasing smile and I shoved his shoulder in response, "thanks for having absolutely no faith in me."

He laughed, "I'm joking."

"Oh, you're not. You're actually really serious about me stealing your work aren't you?"

"What? Of course not Y/N! Who do you take me for?"

"Who do you take me for?!" I huffled out playfully, " asking me these stupid questions--hey!"

I didn't have time to defend myself when he suddenly pounced onto me, fingers finding my weak points right underneath my armpits. I squealed, bursts of laughter and cries of protests falling from my lips as his hands scrabbled against my sides in an attempt to make me pay for my earlier comments.

"Mingi! Stop it--" I choked on my own laughter, hands failing to find purchase to push him away as he continued his attack without mercy, "that's for using me!" he gloated.

My beer caner spilled over the ground halfway through our playful fight and it wasn't until I managed to grip his wrists that I realized our provocative position; Mingi's body was hovering over mine that had toppled onto the bench, back pressed against the cool metal as I gazed up, transfixed, into those gorgeous feline orbs glinting in the dark light of the park.

The playful air stilled in light of the realization dawning upon me; that he was so close I could kiss him if I wanted to. His lips were mere inches. Would he straight-out reject me if I attempted to bring him closer? Those sinfully rose-tinted lips that looked plush and inviting-- my heart fluttered to my throat just thinking about it.

No.

Don't do it. Don't ruin what you have, a small voice echoed in the back of my mind.

Mingi, maybe upon noticing the change in my demeanor, slowly pulled back and pulled me along with him so that I straightened up. His head tipped down to the spilled beer cans at our feet, and chuckled.

"Well, that's a waste," he commented lightly, as if we hadn't just engaged in something a little more intimate than interesting conversation, and that made my heart sink a little.

"Sure is," I avoided his eyes at all costs, kept my gaze lowered in case he caught a glimpse of what he shouldn't be seeing in the first place.

The words were lingering on the edge of my lips the whole night, deliberately playing back and forth between what was best for us right now, at this particular moment. And if Mingi noticed, he didn't comment on it, though from the way his eyes would find mine in concern every time a silence lasted for too long, I suppose he suspected that there was something a little more that was bothering the depths of my heart even though I forced plastic smiles over my face and pushed my eyes into crinkles to mimic my usual happiness.

My lips held onto a bitter aftertaste when he said our goodbyes that night, as I held onto his sweater a little longer than usual, numb from the cold and the things that clogged up the back of my throat.

It tasted sour.

I love you.

>>>

Y/N: They said they would sponsor it.

My fingers shook with every key tapped onto my phone, brown orbs glued to the screen as I awaited for Mingi's reply. He was online, I had seen his status a few minutes ago before I mustered up the courage to tell him the great news that would've once made me ecstatic, would have me jumping around in joy and barely restrained excitement at the thought that my voice, our voices, were finally being heard after months of toiling and searching and begging and being thrown out of doors.

After that particular night where we'd celebrated our win, I'd been trying my best to avoid the said man when possible. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him. On the contrary, I had to physically dig my nails into my palm so as not to dial his number every evening when the silence, the overbearing numb emptiness, became too much to bear. But I didn't want to overwhelm him, not if he didn't want anything to do with me.

He never took the step forward to contact me first. I guessed that this was my answer.

Instead of pondering over what could have been, I decided to delve deep into my search for sponsors. Easier said than done though, considering that there were numerous marine protection companies that were using greenwashing for their customer market and blatantly refused to take part in such a 'horrendous, misleading act' as they called it. To fund myself for the time-being, I was grateful enough to get a job as a cashier in a Pet Shop from across the street from my apartment. It wasn't much, but it paid the bills and I was able to spend as much time with animals instead of human beings. Life seemed to crawl by at a slow snail's pace for some time, going through the ministrations of life and falling in a routine of going to work, calling companies and sponsors during my lunch break, gong back to work, then getting home and trying once more to search up other kinds of sponsors in hopes that they'd give me the time of the day.

It wasn't until a few months later that a small company in the outskirts of Seoul reached out to me. They introduced themselves as a branch of a bigger Western umbrella and after running a background check, I counted them as credible and accepted an interview.

Which led to the current situation.

My phone buzzed. Screen flashing: Mingi is calling.

My brain backtracked. Huh?

Fingers shaking, I almost missed the green icon before pressing the device to my ear.

"Hey."

"They accepted it?!"

A smile instinctively hitched my lips upwards, "yes," I murmured, breathless. Then, said it a little louder, "yes!"

Mingi laughed, "oh my god! They accepted it!"

I couldn't help but laugh along with him. His effect on me was incredible, lit me up on the inside and for a second I wished I could get a glimpse of his face.

I suggested that we meet up at a nearby café to discuss the details, which was weird, considering that it had been a few weeks since I last saw his face. I couldn't blame him, for he'd been having a tougher time at work and I was burnt out. Coupling that with our lack of communication and you got a friendship that was slowly fraying at the ends.

I forced my heart to mentally put out a front so as not to jump on him the moment I caught sight of his face. But that didn't prove necessary, for the moment I stepped into the quaint coffee shop filled with the mixed scent of books and fresh espresso Mingi was already wrapping me up in a huge bear hug, so tight I could barely breathe, overwhelmed by the familiar scent of his shampoo.

"It's been awhile," he grinned, pulling back to gaze down at me and I swore I felt my chest tighten at the softness swirling through his dark pupils. Everything, every emotion came rushing back like a tidal wave.

"It has," I managed to cough up despite the fact that my heartstrings seemed to be dancing around in-between my lungs. Just tell him already! "You look good, Mingi. Better than the last time we met."

"That's because we managed to finish our project before the deadline," he grinned as he tugged me over to his table. I took note of the worn-out black edge of his sketchbook peeking out of his backpack and had to smile. Typical of him, to be carrying out of his sketchbook even now that he barely had no time for his personal art.

We caught up on each other's lives and about the specifics of the sponsor. They were willing to advertise it on their social medias, their websites, as well as present it to the National Ocean Cleanup Day that was soon approaching, which was an opportunity for all aspiring artists and storytellers to present their art in hopes that it would be seen by an influential eye. Every commission would be ours and they'd only take 5% commission for their advertisement, a pretty good deal considering their reputation.

"I still can't believe they want to advertise it," he raked a hand through his dark locks. They seemed to have grown a little since then, "It feels surreal."

"It'll be a good opportunity for you too," I smiled back, "to get yourself known as an artist."

"Oh actually, there's something I haven't told you yet."

Leaning forward in my seat, my eyebrow rose in curiosity, "spill."

"Well, I'm actually quitting my job next month."

I blinked, "wha--wait, really? Did you get another job?"

He shook his head at that before his smile broadened, "nah. I'm not about that life anymore. I want to do what I really want," pausing slightly as hesitation flashed through his features, I offered him a reassuring smile, "I'm going to be a full-time artist."

My mouth dropped open in surprise, eyes widening, "Oh my god--No! You're kidding?!" and when he shook his head once more with that knowing smile I knew too well, my hands shot up instantly to grab at his with barely restrained excitement, "I'm so proud of you, Mingi! What--How did you--What have you planned?!"

"I haven't really planned anything yet," though his tone was unsure, there was no denying the full-out grin on his face, "but I've been gathering a bunch of my sketches. They all follow the same theme so I might just go with that."

"That's amazing!" I couldn't believe it. Tears were filling my eyes, "what concept are you going for?!"

And that was when his gaze locked onto mine.

"The sea."

I probably looked like an idiot. Staring at him like he'd grown another pair of eyes and not really comprehending his words for the first few seconds they settled into my brain.

That was when it hit me.

I gasped.

"W--Why?" was the only thing I managed to stutter out.

Though there seemed to be a layer of pink dusted across his cheeks, Mingi answered confidently, "because of you."

I gulped.

"I got inspired, kind of," his head dipped down, dark pupils lowering to the table as if he was too embarrassed to meet my gaze, "I couldn't understand how someone could be as passionate. I--I live in my head most of the time, never really notice all of these outside problems. And it's bad. I know it is.” His eyes fluttered up to mine and I lost breath at the intensity present in them. They swirled with a gentleness that was seldom present, a vulnerable sheen of maroon reflecting in the depths of his dark irises and yet, so intense at the same time that I flushed right down to my feet.

“But you don’t. You live to make the world better and I—I wish I was more like that. I want to be more like that. Because these things matter just as much as what I want to show inside my head,” he paused, hesitating for a few beats of silence before continuing, “when you first told me about the animation, I was—I’m not going to lie to you—I was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to fulfill your expectations. That I didn’t have that in me,” his hands, which had unknowingly turned to grasp mine, slowly interlocked his fingers with my own, “but I’ve never seen someone look at me the way you do.”

“How…” my words trailed off as I struggled to form a cohesive sentence, “how did I look at you?”

“Like you believed in me.”

Tears suddenly pricked at the corner of my eyes. Because he was right. I had had so much faith in Mingi that I lost my own. I had no purpose, while he did. He was so overwhelmingly talented at what he did that I wished I was more like him.

And all along, he was admiring me for doing whatever the hell I wanted.

“I—“ I tried turning my head, hid it in my sleeve so he wouldn’t see the tears brimming in my eyes, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Hm, I guess you can say ‘thanks Mingi, for seeing me as your role model’ or ‘hey that’s cool. I actually inspired someone’. Something along these lines,” he grinned as one of his hands released mine to cup my chin. Turning my face towards his once more before brushing the tears away, he murmured, “why are you crying?”

I sniffled, “because that’s the most wonderful thing someone’s ever said to me and I can’t help but love you even more—“

The words had bubbled out without warning and instantly my mouth clamped itself shut. I stared at Mingi’s shocked expression, looked back down at the cracks on the veneered table before me, and tried withdrawing my hands from his grasp.

Except, he didn’t allow me to.

“What…did you say?” his voice had dropped even lower. My heart jumped to my throat, nerves suddenly jittery, “you…love me?”

I tried chuckling, though I sounded more like a dying animal, “of a sort. You know, like a friend loves another fri—“

His pointed look shut me up and I brought my eyes back to the table. How embarrassing. How stupid. What an idiot. You’re such an idiot! My mind kept on screaming over and over and over again.

“Y/N.”

I didn’t dare look up, for fear of seeing someone I shouldn’t. For fear that one glance might break my heart into little pieces without warning.

He squeezed my fingers as a sign. His hand tilted my chin up to his. My gaze insistently glued itself to the crack running along the table’s edge.

“Y/N. Look at me.”

No. My heart screamed out. No, this is all wrong. This shouldn’t be happening.

“Fine then. You give me no other choice,” he sighed in what sounded to be exasperation and before I knew what was happening, I felt the softest touch of blossoming warmth over my knuckles. Eyes shooting up with a silent gasp, they went straight to Mingi’s as I took in the way his lips were brushing against the back of my hand.

To say that I was combusting like wildfire would be an understatement.

“Does that answer your question?” he whispered.

“Uhm…no.”

His gaze darkened. My stomach churned.

“I love you.”

I swear I could’ve burst out crying then and there.

“You—“ my throat was dry. Hearing myself say them sounded pathetic, borderline ridiculous. Hearing it fall from his mouth though…that was exhilarating. Magical, “You…love me?”

When he nodded, fresh tears welled up in my eyes. Mingi couldn’t help but chuckle then, reaching over to wipe at my cheek, “why are you crying?” he sounded amused.

“I don’t know,” I blubbered back, “because I thought you’d say sorry and tell me we’d never be able to meet again and I don’t know how I was going to live if that was the case—“

“I don’t think I’d be that drastic, Y/N,” bringing my hands up once more, he allowed his lips to brush against my knuckles, the mere action comforting me, “I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“Pretty obvious? Jesus Mingi. I can’t read you. You’re not obvious at all!”

“But what about that kiss on the cheek I gave you that time?!” He pouted, “that must’ve counted for something!”

“Well you didn’t do anything else after that so how was I supposed to know?”

“I thought that you were disgusted when you didn’t respond because you didn't like me that way,” his pout deepened and I laughed at how childish he looked. A grown young man who was on the brink of a breakthrough in his career, acting like he was merely a five year old child, “how was I supposed to know then?”

I bit my lip to stop the grin from spreading over my face. I failed, smiling so wide my face practically broke in two, “you’re kinda cute when you’re mad.”

Huffing and muttering some in-comprehensive words under his breath, he tightened his grip on my hands and lifted them to press against his cheek, where his face mellowed out into that soft, crooked smile that turned his eyes into half-moons, “so does this mean we’re dating?”

“Well that’s kind of bold of you, considering you didn’t ask me,” I tried keeping a nonchalant air, only to burst into a fit of giggles as the said man threw me a horrified look, “but I literally poured my heart out!”

“I’m joking you big baby,” I ruffled his hair for good measure and though he grunted, there was no denying that the grin on his face was a permanent one. It made a series of butterflies flutter in my stomach and biting my lip to keep myself from giggling like a silly schoolgirl, I felt the slightest tremors of happiness that sounded like my heart cartwheeling in my chest.

Mingi accompanied me home that night, not hesitating to slip a hand into mine and intertwining our fingers throughout the whole train ride. We probably looked like a pair of idiots, smiling so wide at nothing at all that it wasn’t surprising if we scared off a few passerby’s. As we walked up the street towards my flat, we chatted about nothing and anything at all and somehow, I felt a sense of peace that hadn’t been there ever since our project was completed. As though all the puzzle pieces had finally fallen into place and now actually made sense.

It was calm inside my heart, inside my mind. The turmoil of waves that always seemed to brush a little too close to my sanity were now reduced to nothing, giving way to the calm sandy beach hidden below.

“That was a little too short for my liking,” Mingi’s statement caused me to blink back to reality and the fact that we’d already arrived at my doorstep made my excitement drop to disappointment in my stomach.

I turned to him nevertheless, graced with that soft smile that rendered me weak and made my throat clog up with unspoken emotion, “well, thanks for walking me back home,” my hands knotted themselves together, a habit of mine whenever I felt the nervousness take over.

“You don’t have to thank me, you know,” he flashed his pearly whites.

I turned away, feeling my cheeks warm up before Mingi gently grasped the back of my elbow. Tugging me close so that I stumbled into his chest, his hand was hesitant as it fluttered over my face, hovering a little distance away from my cheek before he mustered up the courage to cradle it in his hold. His other arm wound around my waist to pull me a little closer still and I would’ve lied to say that I was completely rational at this point in time.

My sanity had practically flown out of the window back then. Only leaving Mingi and his warmth in its wake.

His brown orbs held mine for the briefest of moments, as if asking me in silent permission whether he was allowed to take this step forward that would change our relationship forever.

So I did it for him. Pressed up on my tiptoes and claimed his lips.

Just like he’d claimed my heart.

The stifled yelp muffled at the back of his throat was one of surprise as I slanted my mouth against his and slowly, but hesitantly, moved my lips in a dance I’d hope he wouldn’t find to his dislike. But I was worrying for nothing, for a growl rumbled through his chest instead and he kissed me back with barely restrained vigour, hands pressing me close to his chest so that I gasped into his mouth. He took that to his advantage, tongue darting out to meet mine and drawing out a soft moan from my voicebox.

We parted for air after what seemed like forever, and that was when he pressed his forehead against mine with a tender, crooked smile that made me want to slap myself for wondering whether this was actually happening, that this was real.

“So,” his murmur washed over my face, nose bumping into mine, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Depends,” I shot back with a smile of my own, “Is it a date?”

“What do you mean?” he whined, “of course it’s a date.”

Laughing and pecking his cheek once, twice, three times until he turned his head to capture my lips with his, I pulled away with a breathless grin, pretty sure that I looked like a complete idiot with butterflies practically roaring through the entirety of my abdomen, “then sure, I’d love that.”

I didn’t know anything about what would happen to our small animation once it would be aired. There was a slight apprehension prickling at the back of my mind every time I thought about it, but somehow all this was overshadowed by the abundance of joy swelling through my chest every time I caught a glimpse of Mingi’s face, knowing that he was mine and that he believed in me, even if the rest of the world didn’t.

And that in the end, it would be okay.

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