#it’s a better song then whatever Jess Glynn puts out

[hayleysayshay]

I think we will see more of Mae Muller despite this result. Like with Embers by James Newman and Bigger than us by Michael Rice, they had no chart success and I don’t think anyone ever could imagine them having it.

But with Mae

A) the song (from my understanding) wasn’t written for Eurovision. The higher ups heard it and thought it has potential. It wasn’t trying to fame Eurovision and therefore it is more authentic. (Unlike

B) she has personality. It’s not as bland as Embers because it is a a somewhat bitchy track about not getting revenge, the revenge is the song. It’s a fun concept with attitude which doesn’t come across in most of the UK’s entries because they’re just so bland. Mae is very fun on TikTok and twitter.

Now why I don’t think the song worked for Eurovision

A) it’s a hard song to sell. On Eurovision. It isn’t particularly punchy as a dance pop song like ‘cha cha cha’ or ‘unicorn’ production wise. It’s a low-key sassy club track. I dont think there’s much wrong with ‘h&m’ music but it does sound like background pop. The lyrics are sarcastic and most people who watch Eurovision on the final hear the songs for the first time. I think simple lyrics tend to better (I think the song being mega also affected Austria’s song. People who don’t speak English as well as the Eurovision fans probably won’t get it).

B) the staging was wrong. Loreen’s tattoo was shot like a music video. Mae’s was like a pop concert with pop art backdrops. Eurovision is a television event first (and it always has been) and the wide angles of the stage didn’t help it since Mae’s personality is the main selling point and she just got lost on the stage. Compared to something like Unicorn, which was only a few songs prior it was always going to be nothing.

C) Mae’s vocals just weren’t good enough live. I think she has fine vocals, but they were never ‘wow’ worthy. She sounded okay during the spoken word but and some of the bridges and verses but sounded weaker in the chorus’s. She does not have enough ‘oomph’ to her voice to wow anyone and I think a lot of Eurovision songs can win, but there has to be a ‘wow factor’ to grab people’s attention.

D) the mixing was strange. Why was she so quiet during the chorus’s? Like I don’t know if they mixed it low to hide her vocals but you can barely hear her. I would rather off vocals then not hear them. Why not just boost her vocals a bit more, it would sell the song a bit more.

Anyway ‘I wrote a song’ is still leagues better than anything we sent in recent years as at least it’s authentic so I can see Mae Muller staying around as it is at least it gets radio play. Ireland sent an indie rock band who changed their sound to send some shit Coldplay-esque song about ‘being one’ specifically for Eurovision and it was complete shit. This is the attitude that the UK had with trying to ‘game’ Eurovision when it doesn’t need to be that. I think the only game with Eurovision is the ‘wow’ factor and Mae has none of that, but as a pop song it’s fun. There’s a reason why Eurovision fans generally like her and forgot James Newman and it’s because it’s a good song.

[leverage-ot3]

since I can’t find my original post about songs to make leverage edits to, here’s another one

[note: some of these are ot3 centered songs, others can be applied to the team as a whole!]

Seven Nation Army (The White Stripes)

leverage? you mean a series of competence porn? of the entire crew being badass?

I’m pretty sure I’ve seen an eliot edit to this song floating around on youtube, but I still think it could be fun to have more vids focusing on the whole team to this song. idk, I just think it’d slap

Freak Show (Ingrid Michaelson)

we all know ingrid from the parachute ot3 fanvid, admit it. it has 108k views. we’ve all seen it, don’t lie.

but let’s talk about freak show and how the lyrics perfectly encapsulate the special and unique love parker, hardison and eliot share:

When you wake up and you're all alone || And the bed's too big for one || Well, you're not the only weird one || Here, let me show you where I'm from

y’all can’t convince me that the romance that these three weird criminals wouldn’t vibe with this song. they’re weird. they’re freaks. but they’re who they are, together

Must Have Done Something Right (Relient K)

We should get jerseys cause we make a good team || But yours would look better than mine, cause you're outta my league || And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday || I spend with you is the new best day of my life || Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust || It's jealously, they can see that we've got it going on

If anyone can make me a better person you could || All I gotta say is I must've done something good || I came along one day and you rearranged my life || All I gotta say is I must've done something right || I must've done something right

“We agreed we'd all change. Better or worse. We'd change together.” THEY SAID THAT BITCHES

they make the world a better place, and through that, they find each other and create a love that is truly unparalleled by any other

Whatever It Takes (Imagine Dragons)

Whatever it takes || 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins || I do whatever it takes || 'Cause I love how it feels when I break the chains || Whatever it takes || Yeah, take me to the top, I'm ready for || Whatever it takes || 'Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins || I do what it takes

I could literally put the whole song down but we get it. the vibe for this one is kinda self explanatory. we all know the song, it played on the radio forever. I just think it gives leverage crew vibes doing whatever it takes to make the world a better place

Flaws (Bastille)

All of your flaws and all of my flaws || They lie there hand in hand || Ones we've inherited, ones that we learned || They pass from man to man

There's a hole in my soul || I can't fill it, I can't fill it || There's a hole in my soul || Can you fill it? Can you fill it?

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve || And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground || Dig them up; let's finish what we've started || Dig them up, so nothing's left untouched

All of your flaws and all of my flaws, || When they have been exhumed || We'll see that we need them to be who we are || Without them we'd be doomed

leverage is all about flawed people coming together to do the right thing. their flaws make them who they are and make them excellent at what they do

I think of this as the ot3 completing each other but this could be seen as gen leverage team too!

Alone Together (Fall Out Boy)

I don't know where you're going, || But do you got room for one more troubled soul || I don't know where I'm going, || But I don't think I'm coming home || And I said, I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead || This is the road to ruin and we're starting at the end

another ot3 song, surprise surprise. but come on, it hits. I can see a good fanvid to this song

Rather Be (Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynne)

now, I have sense8 to blame for this. if any of you have seen the show to the end, you know that the finale special ended with a thank you letter to the fans with this song backed by bts footage of the cast as they filmed all over the world. someone could make an edit for leverage of bts and gag reel footage as a leverage tribute to the cast OR the fans, but either way, it’s cute and heartfelt

(I totally didn’t cry watching the fans tribute for sense8. I’m also not totally a lying liar who lies.) (I totally cry every time I watch it.)

I’d Love To Change The World (Jetta, Matstubs remix)

Everywhere is freaks and hairies || Dykes and fairies, tell me where is sanity || Tax the rich, feed the poor || Till there are no rich no more?

I'd love to change the world || But I don't know what to do || So I'll leave it up to you

another sense8 song? from me? who would have guessed?

nothing much else to say except these funky queers change the world

edit: if anyone wants to make a fanvid using any of these, PLEASE TAG ME. I live for content

[andyquhyn]

prompt list #4 (spotify version)

(based on my top 2019 songs from spotify, can be used as dialogue or just as ideas! also please don’t roast be about my songs rip)

Make It Alright by WILD: “Whatever we can get through is what makes us survive.”

Good Nights (feat. Mascolo) by Whethan: “We were perfect as fuck, making dreams about our lives up in the stars.”

Burn The House Down by AJR: “Way up, way up, oh no, we gon’ burn the whole house down.”

Only Got Eyes For Her by Ezra Jordan: “I’m going out my mind, thinking ’bout the one I should’ve never left behind.”

Passenget Seat (feat. Kora) by Clueless Kit: “You know this is who we are, this is what we do, driving in circles til’ we find something new, the only person I enjoy sitting in the car with is you.”

seasonal depression by mxmtoon: “We’re all just trying to get by, searching desperately for bits of blue in the sky.”

There’s Still A Light In The House by Valley: “When she crash, she brings a storm in, I kinda like the way it pours.”

RUNAWAY by half·alive: “I find that everything I am is everything I should be, I don't need to run away.”

Choke by I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: “If I could burn this town, I wouldn’t hesitate, to smile while you suffocate and die.”

Almost (Sweet Music) by Hozier: “Be still my foolish heart, don’t ruin this on me.”

Happy Man by Jungle: “It all could be different, time to do something new, I’ve given everything, I want to be a happy man too.”

Not What I Meant (feat. Lewis Watson) by dodie: “Will I have grown a little empire, or made a fucking mess?”

Be Mine by Ofenbach: “And if you wanna fight, let’s start the show, ’cause I want you to be mine.”

Sanctuary by Joji: “Not anyone, you’re the one, more than fun, you’re the sanctuary.”

Casio by Jungle: “When all your dreams are gone, and you’re still holding on, you waited far too long.”

Wildflower by Dutchkid: “I never knew that I could love like this.”

Arms Unfolding by dodie: “But here I am with arms unfolding, I guess it isn‘t quite the end, oh, partner in crime, I’m going to try to fall in love with you again.”

Preacher Man by The Driver Era: “I’m ashamed of the dark places I have been, fix my soul so I don’t lose a love again.”

prom dress by mxmtoon: “I keep collections of masks upon my wall, to try and stop myself from revealing it all.” 

Blame It on Me by George Ezra: “When I dance alone, and the sun’s bleeding down, blame it on me.”

Surround Me by LÉON: “Baby take me outside, kiss me in the moonlight.”

Work by Charlotte Day Wilson: “’Cause people come and go, but I think you should know, that I think this will work.”

Glory by The Score: “I’ll be written in the stars.”

Take Me With You by Wingtip: “Our hearts don’t break, they just rearrange.”

Cold Cold Man by Saint Motel: “You're the only one worth seeing, the only place worth being.”

Runaway Kids by HARBOUR: “We’re the runaway kids, let’s escape, we’ll get there some day.”

Monster by dodie: “Two ugly creatures, two sinister preachers, blind to the past, like a couple of monsters.”

Runaway Goliath by Mantaraybryn: “Are you just gonna stay in the shade when you were made for light?”

HandClap by Fitz and The Tantrums: “You’re like a drug to me, a luxury, my sugar and gold, I want the good life, every good night, you’re a hard one to hold.”

Swim by Valley: “Swim with me, get to someplace better, I’ll be waiting on you forever.”

home ft WALK THE MOON by morgxn: “I’m going back home to the place where I belong, there’s nothing like it.”

arrow by half·alive: “I know that I can’t run forever, but I can’t stand still for too long, this heart is afraid to beat slowly.”

NASA’S Fake by Raffaella: “Jesus Christ, gimme a break, is there a pill I can take?”

Better Not (with Wafia) by Louis The Child: “You know it in your gut you’re healing, from every time that you’ve been hurt before.”

Side Effects by The Chainsmokers: “It’s 4AM, I don’t know where to go, everywhere is closed, I should just go home, my feet are taking me to your front door, I know I shouldn’t though, heaven only knows.”

All My Friends (feat. Tinashe & Chance the Rapper) by Snakehips: “My eyes are black and red, I’m crawling back to your bed.”

So Close by NOTD, Felix Jaehn & Captain Cuts feat. Georgia Ku: “Have you ever wondered if you loved me harder, where we’d be now?”

I’m Good by Wafia: “Finally got back everything I gave to you, every part of me that I left in your room, now I really don’t care what you do, or who you do it with, I really don't care, I think I just quit.”

dream of you by mxmtoon: “I had a dream about you last night, and you said your last goodbye, I woke up to wipe my tears, although I said I’d never cry.”

Colder Shoulders by Gabe Fleck: “I can’t hide from what is destined for me.”

Last Dance by Rhys: “Oh if all we ever had was an illusion, and if we gave it every chance.”

Send Them Off! - Whethan Remix by Bastille & Whethan: “I’ve got demons running round in my head, and they feed on insecurities I have.”

Bad Days by Chance Peña: “All I know is the weight on my shoulder won’t hold me down.”

Crimes by Gallant: “And honestly I can’t keep overlookin' all your crimes.”

Check It Out by Oh The Larceny: “I’m gonna light it up.”

It Ain’t Wrong Loving You by HONNE: “Don’t care what they say, I will have my way, ’cause it ain't wrong loving you.”

wish you were gay by Billie Eilish: “I can’t tell you how much I wish I didn’t wanna stay.”

my ted talk by mxmtoon: “I’m fooling myself over something I don't know.”

Never Been In Love by Will Jay: “I’ve never been in love, and it’s all good.”

I Believe in Us by WILD: “Don’t think about the fear that much, we’re gonna be alright.”

Pure Gold by half·alive: “Wait, for the tides of change will come.”

blame game by mxmtoon: “I put my heart into us, and I was the one to crack it in two.”

Genesis by Daniela Andrade: “But first I gotta let go of the things I tried to be.”

Save Me From Myself (with NoMBe & Big Gigantic) by Louis The Child: “So won’t you save me from myself right now, right now, ’cause I feel like someone else, somehow.”

You And I by LÉON: “But in my head, oh, you say, say you still want it, that you’re done with being lonely now.”

Blue Hundreds by Holy Mattress Money: “What’s electric more than two lovers?”

I Like (the idea of) You by Tessa Violet: “I like the idea of you, wonder how it’d be to love you.”

Green by Cavetown: “I hope you feel happy, that’s all I want.”

Superlove (feat. Oh Wonder) by Whethan: “I’ve been looking at your face, it’s dangerous, making me so goddamn crazy.”

She by dodie: “I;d never tell, no, I’d never say a word, and oh, it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt.”

Debbie by Your Smith: “What did you get me into? This always happens when I listen to you.”

Prophet by King Princess: “I can only think about you, and what it’s like to walk around you.”

Tell Me by Spencer Sutherland: “Tell me where your heart lies, and I know where your heart lies.”

Juice by Lizzo: “It ain’t my fault that I'm out here makin’ news.”

If I’m Being Honest by dodie: “Could you love this? Will this one be right?”

mime by Isaac Dunbar: “And now all I’ve got is broken bones and cheap skin to hold me.”

Maybe by half·alive: “Realize I’m at war in my own mind.”

Alps by Novo Amor & Ed Tullett: “I would break every inch of my love.”

Waiting for You by The Aces: “It’s getting frustrating waiting for you, I think you know what I want.”

Your Voice by Moira & Claire: “Your voice keeps playing inside my head like a song I can't get out.”

From Eden by Hozier: “Babe, there’s something tragic about you.”

Beige by Yoke Lore: “Let me go under your skin, and let me find the demon that drives those heavenly limbs.”

still feel. by half·alive: “Trying to recognize myself when I feel I’ve been replaced.”

Someone That Loves You by HONNE & Izzy Bizu: “Whoever said it was easy must have had it pretty good.”

Find Someone by A R I Z O N A: “Picking wings off of angels has always been my religion.”

Do It All The Time by I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME: “We’re taking over the world, a little victimless crime.”

Sick in the Head by Jackson Penn: “My love for you is deeper than the ocean.”

Boys by Lizzo: “Baby, I don’t need you, I just wanna freak you.”

bad guy by Billie Eilish: “Bruises, on both my knees for you.”

CAN’T GET OVER YOU (feat. Clams Casino) by Joji: I can’t get over you, and before I die I pray that I could be the one.”

Rather Be (feat. Jess Glynne) by Clean Bandit: “But as long as you are with me, there's no place I’d rather be.”

Chateau - Acoustic by Angus & Julia Stone: “Don't be scared of what you don't already know.”

Blue by Samuel Larson: “We swear that this is love, but we keep feeling smaller.”

Boys Like You by dodie: “You thought you could charm me, and, damn it, you’re right.”

Cherry Wine by Hozier: “Open hand or closed fist would be fine, the blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.”

Wait by NoMBe: “Let’s make it last forever, ’cause the night’s still young.”

Rivers and Roads by The Head and the Heart: “Been talking about the way things change.”

Human by dodie: “Will you share your soul with me?”

Dinner & Diatribes by Hozier: “That’s the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of.”

Show Me The Way by Penguin Prison: “I’ve never been anyone that I want.”

The Fall by half·alive: “I’d jump off and into your arms, but if I can’t trust the fall.”

I Wanna Get Better by Bleachers: “So now I’m standing on the overpass screaming at the cars, hey, I wanna get better!”

Work Song by Hozier: “No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.”

Talk Too Much by COIN: “Honey, come put your lips on mine and shut me up.”

Low by JR JR: “All the looks are saying, nothing in life is free.”

What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club: “I can tell just what you want, you don’t want to be alone.”

Burned Out by dodie: “I am burnt out, I smell of smoke.”

California by The Lagoons: “I’ve been on the run, just to get a moment with you.”

Radar (feat. HONNE) by Whethan: “Tight on my grip and I won’t let you slip away.”

ok ok? by half·alive: “Felt it rippin’ me apart, to find my place among the stars.”

[anja-mittags]

Rules: We’re snooping through your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims. 

tagged by: @schwein-ski

I’m not playing by the rules (yet) because these are essential tunes for the now and have been on non-stop (literally once a day i probably put them on)

1. People, I’ve been sad by Christine and the Queens// If you disappear Then I’m disappearing too You know the feeling If you fall apart then I’m falling behind you You know the feeling… this whole EP is fire and i will kill a man if i dont acquire this for RSD

2. Art Punk by The Homeless Gospel Choir // If I wasn’t so sure the world was ending I’d live a whole lot more Or find something worth dying for Either Or... Derek is just the epitome of protest punk and I can’t wait for this record to come out. I listened to this and immediately preordered. he’s such a good dude and he’s putting on insta live concerts like every week.

3. Heartless by Soleima // I just want to make it to the weekend I never meant to go get heartless You are gonna make me cry... Soleima’s debut album is so sick please give it a listen to. It’s full of bops about getting your heart broken and then telling that person that you’re better off without them and more!

4. Oh Devil by Electric Guest ft Devin Di Dakta// Oh devil, I made my own hell And deep inside I'm sure I got it all by myself Someone's calling for me Something's calling for me again... I worked backwards thru Electric Guest’s discography and honestly they all bring something to the table and do not disappoint but this and Dollar are probably my essential hits for them. KIN slaps top to bottom and if u enjoy a good falsetto Asa destroys any competition.

5. Fever by Adam Lambert // Oh baby, your light's on But your mom's not home I'm sick of laying down alone With this fever, fever, yeah...welcome to my music library that hasn’t been updated since 2013. Who doesn’t need a little Adam Lambert for the weekend? I can’t complain, I miss him.

6. High For This by Ellie Goulding (the Weeknd cover)// Don’t be scared I’m right here Even though you don't roll Trust me girl You wanna be high for this... speaking of the weekend! Like I love Abel but I actually prefer Ellie’s voice for this beat. It’s dope. I think I have like two Goulding songs in here and this is one of them lol.

7. Rather Be by Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynn// If you gave me a chance, I would take it It’s a shot in the dark but I’ll make it Know with all of your heart, you can't shame me When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be ....it’s actually the Cash Cash x Valley Remix because my sordid musical past included electrodance/techno/whatever the kids call it now. Still a banger of a time.

8. Bones by The Killers// Wait till tomorrow; you'll be fine. And it's gone to the dogs in my mind I always hear them When the dead of night comes calling Save me from this fight... THIS REMINDS ME I FORGOT AN ESSENTIAL TUNE. but also, maybe my favorite off of Sam’s Town? don’t quote me on that because I fall in love with Mr. Flowers’ voice at the drop of a hat. fucking tim burton MV is still iconic.

9. Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself by Jess Glynn// Everyone trips, everyone falls So don't be so hard on yourself, no 'Cause I'm just tired of marching on my own Kind of frail, I feel it in my bones.... this is a fucking anthem song. My music library is showing you a good time. Seriously I love Jess Glynn. If you haven’t heard anything else by her, please take your ears to this.

10. Marry the World by Robin Skouteris // I'm a soldier to my Own emptiness, I'm a winner I'm gonna marry the night I got it sleeping rough on the streets in the rain I got it learning to share my people’s pain...L I S T E N if you like dancey electro shit Robin is a GOD of mashups. just go to his channel click on whatever the first thing/artist that catches your eye and I guarantee you’re in for a good time. This is one of my all time faves tho along with Dark Blue. 

I tag @kloppend @frankierogothdad @strikerbacks @irenydraws and whoever else wants to do this!

[omdaily10]

WRAPPED UP

Guest Artist: Travie McCoy

Writers: Olly Murs, Claude Kelly, Steve Robson, Travie McCoy

Producers: Steve Robson

Album: Never Been Better

Release Date: 16/11/2014

B-Side: ‘Wrapped Up (Cahill Radio Mix)’ (Credits as above)

Chart Positions: #3 (UK), #1 (Japan), #2 (Scotland), #3 (Belgium), #7 (Ireland), #9 (Czech Republic), #11 (Germany), #15 (Australia), #15 (Poland), #16 (Finland), #16 (Slovakia), #17 (Netherlands), #18 (Switzerland), #18 (Spain), #21 (Austria), #21 (Sweden), #40 (USA)

Sales: 600k (UK, Platinum), 35k (Australia, Gold), 40k (Sweden, Platinum)

A lot can happen inside a year, particularly in a world so fickle and trend dominated as pop music. Hence having been everywhere and anywhere for much of the previous year, 2014 was, by comparison, a very quiet time indeed for Olly. In fact, the only signs of him still being present in the public eye came in the form of a couple of one-off charity appearances, and also that June, at his now bi-annual venturing out onto the pitch at Old Trafford for Soccer Aid, a celebs and pros football match raising money for UNICEF (Olly has played five times in total for the England team now, and captained them to a win at the 2018 match).

For the first time since the start of his career, he was able to go take time out purely to focus on music (and in his words 'grow a beard and get fat'), hence the first nine months of 2014 were spent cooped up in the studio, writing and recording the songs that would go onto make his fourth album. Things certainly changed in a big way, for during the time Olly was away, there seemed to be a sudden explosion of solo male competition in the charts.

Ed Sheeran was now the biggest popstar on the planet, having just released his multi-platinum second album 'X' and huge hits like ‘Sing’ and ‘Thinking Out Loud’, and Sam Smith and George Ezra both released their debut efforts this year. It was clear that whatever Olly decided to come back with, it would have to make as big an impact as possible to remind people he was still at the top of his game despite being away for the best part of a year.

So already there was a lot riding on 'Wrapped Up' even before he unveiled it with a world exclusive first play on national radio at the beginning of that October. Coming off the back of the biggest selling album of his career to date, it made business sense on paper to repeat the formula of that album's trajectory again - launching the album with a killer floor filling pop stormer that just so happens to have an international guest star on it, even if some critics suggested it was a lazy move.

Owing sonic motifs to disco classics by Evelyn 'Champagne' King and - in a spooky forbearing of his future work, though he didn't know it then - Nile Rodgers and Chic, 'Wrapped Up' was a guitar driven dance pop funk workout with a stormer of a chorus and a cheekily placed double entendre involving locks and keys that screamed chart topper from the first play. The appearance of a guest rap from Travie McCoy, the lead rapper and founder of Gym Class Heroes, who had also scored big success with Bruno Mars on his worldwide hit 'Billionaire' in 2010, enhanced its credentials further.

One thing that Olly had also quietly achieved in the UK - without anyone realising it at the time - was the unique distinction of being the only British male solo artist to notch up a number one single with each lead release from a brand-new album. It surely stood to reason then, that 'Wrapped Up' would be joining that list and making it four in a row. However, several changes of circumstance meant this didn't go according to plan.

International promo was the focus from quite early on in the campaign, with the single being released and promoted in Australia first before we got it here in the UK. It meant that no thanks to an administrative error at Sony Music - who'd been slowly releasing select tracks off the new album as 'Instant Grat' teasers - that 'Wrapped Up' was mistakenly available for a couple of days to download off the UK store of iTunes two whole weeks before its official UK release date. One can only speculate what might have happened had they corrected the error sooner - but then this was compounded by another turn of events.

With just over a week to go until release, Olly then recieved a call from music legend Sir Bob Geldof, the man who'd put together the historic Band Aid single 'Do They Know It's Christmas' and subsequent Live Aid concerts to raise money for those living in developing countries. Olly was asked if he wanted to appear on the 30th anniversary recording alongside the likes of Bono, Chris Martin, One Direction, Rita Ora and Ed Sheeran, and he duly obliged.

As he returned to The X Factor live shows to launch 'Wrapped Up' proper with a homecoming performance on its release date of 16th November 2014, Sir Bob was there too to give the first play on terrestrial TV of the video for the Band Aid 30 recording of 'Do They Know It's Christmas'. He jokingly apologised to Olly on air after his interview with Dermot O’Leary, who now knew full well that 'Wrapped Up' was set to miss out on the top spot.

Seven days later, and this is exactly what happened. Even outsold by 'Real Love', the then new single from contemporary dance pop outfit Clean Bandit, who'd had a phenomenal year with their hit 'Rather Be' with Jess Glynne (and whose then violinist, Neil Amin Smith, was incredibly vicious about Olly on social media at the time, stating he was only fit for a low rent musical theatre career. He left the band over a year later and hasn’t been heard from since. Go figure), 'Wrapped Up' had to be content with a #3 debut and peak - still a great chart position, but by no means what was needed at this point.

It meant that Olly was on the UK's number one single that week, but just not the one he intended, with Band Aid 30 selling over a quarter of a million copies to top the chart, despite a heft of negative reviews and feedback from music critics, social commentators and soapbox preachers alike for the new version of 'Do They Know It's Christmas' on Twitter. Along with ‘Wrapped Up’, it was absent from the top 10 by the time Christmas came.

Despite the chart topping success of the parent album, and being a top 20 hit in thirteen other countries (including Japan, where it gave him his first chart topper), it was clear from the performance of ‘Wrapped Up’ that things had slipped a bit compared to the mammoth fanfare that had greeted ‘Troublemaker’ two years previously, and it wasn’t unfair to say that Olly suddenly had something to prove five years into his career. Fortunately, another huge single was waiting in the wings to quell those doubts...

OTHER THOUGHTS

A remix from top dance DJ and producer Cahill was the main B-side on both the digital bundle and the Europe only CD single. UK fans were also treated to the non-rap version of ‘Wrapped Up’ and a special acoustic rendition of the track recorded for the website of Fabulous, the free glossy magazine that comes inside the Sunday edition of British national newspaper The Sun. Olly has appeared on its cover more times than any other male star to date – since 2011 he’s made a total of seven appearances.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 12th August 2018

Top 10

Yep, we still have the same top two here, in fact the top five has stayed mostly still overall. “In My Feelings” by Drake featuring City Girls has stayed on top due to the video and streaming power, and I don’t see it stumbling for quite a few weeks.

Right behind it is “Shotgun” by George Ezra, still at the runner-up spot.

“No Brainer” by DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo and Chance the Rapper is up a spot to number-three, swapping places with...

“Rise” by Jonas Blue featuring Jack & Jack, which is down a single position to number-four.

“Youngblood” by 5 Seconds of Summer is steady at number-five. Funnily enough, I recall saying these guys had their five seconds of fame back when I reviewed “Want You Back”, so don’t rely on me for predicting anything.

Also staying stable is “Jackie Chan” by Tiesto and Dzeko featuring Preme and Post Malone at number-six.

At number-seven, up a space from last week, is “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B.

Meanwhile, at number-eight, we have an 11-space gain straight to number-eight for “Body” by Loud Luxury and brando. I didn’t think this would be as popular as it ended up being, to be completely honest, and I’m very surprised at how fast this has gotten into the top 10.

Then we have our highest debut from Travis Scott’s ASTROWORLD, which has landed an album bomb of sorts – three songs, as is the limit on the UK Singles Chart. That debut, unsurprisingly, is “SICKO MODE” featuring uncredited vocals from Swae Lee and Drake, at number-nine.

Also, we have Tyga and Offset creeping into the top 10 via a one-space jump to number-ten, with “Taste”, and that rounds off our top 10 quite nicely.

Climbers

Now for the climbers and, honestly, despite the album “bomb”, not much happened of interest on the charts other than those three songs, in fact, barely anything has really happened. The only notable gain out of three non-top 10 gains is the 11-spot leap for “Eastside” by benny blanco, Khalid and Halsey, which is now at #12. The other gains are only single-space increases so it’s pointless noting them.

Fallers

The fallers, however, are a bit of a different story. A lot of pop girls struggled this week, including Ariana Grande with “God is a woman” down three spots to #13 and her feature on Nicki Minaj’s “Bed”, which has dropped seven spaces to #38. Speaking of Nicki Minaj, “FEFE” with 6ix9ine and Murda Beatz whimpered down four spots to #21, and the other female rapper on the charts right now, Cardi B, hasn’t exactly been gaining either, as “I Like It” featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin is down five spaces to #14. Anne-Marie’s “2002” is down six spots to #32, Jess Glynne’s “I’ll be There” got hit identically down to #36, while “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is down seven spots to #40. Drake had it particularly rough as well, with “Nonstop” down two to #30 while “Don’t Matter to Me” with Michael Jackson is down six to #19. The biggest fall, however, is definitely “If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years, falling a whopping 21 positions straight to #28. How much of this is due to Travis Scott? I’m not exactly sure.

Dropouts

“Ay Caramba” by Stay Free Get Lizzy Presents Fredo and Young T & Bugsey, or whatever on earth that title credit was, is unsurprisingly out straight from the debut at #38, while “Paradise” by George Ezra is also out from #39 – it had a good run. “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker is also out from #36, but that’s it, so let’s run through the Ed Sheeran Update!

The Ed Sheeran Update

“Perfect” is down three spaces to #60, while “Shape of You” stays at #77. Not much to see here.

Well, that was quick. No returning entries so let’s go right into our new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “Best Life” – Hardy Caprio featuring One Acen

Okay, so before Travis Scott, we have a song that been bubbling under the top 40 for quite a long time, and to be honest, I was dreading the day Hardy Caprio returns with another hit, because, God, is he boring? At least now he has a guest star to maybe improve or diversify things but has that really helped at all? No, because it’s still the same faux-dancehall faux-grime stuff to expect. I call it that but it’s really just desaturated trap with some shrill synths and keys that make a just listenable beat for the two rappers to spit over, however the song is mostly the singing chorus, assumingly by One Acen, who also sings during the post-chorus, and he doesn’t have a bad voice so I’m not complaining at all, but maybe I wanted something more interesting to combat Hardy on the first verse biting a Lil Baby flow from “Yes Indeed”, because, out of all the songs to copy, you had to copy the worst possible trap-rap song you could find on the Hot 100? Okay, Hardy... To be fair, this isn’t awful and they both ride the beat well, even if the rapping is actually quite brief. It’s just more of the same, more of the same. In fact, I think I’m going to coin a name for this. Damhall – it’s watered down dancehall with grime-ish lyrics and trap percussion, as well as autotuned vocals, rapping often with melodic, R&B-inspired flows. It’s not the best name in the world, but it’ll be better than saying “faux-dancehall faux-grime schlock” week after week. Not feeling this damhall genre to be perfectly honest. Now let’s take a ride down to ASTROWORLD.

#29 – “CAROUSEL” – Travis Scott featuring Frank Ocean and Big Tuck?

We start with the second track on the album, “CAROUSEL” featuring uncredited vocals from... Frank Ocean? Damn, Frank doesn’t seem like the guy to be doing pop features as often, so Travis and the beat must be something special that made Frank want to lend his immense vocal talent.

Not really. I do like the beat, however, it’s pretty cool how it’s just constant gang vocals going from the left to the right channel as a backdrop behind your typical trap-rap production, which makes it have a party-ish aesthetic that I really like and think fits Travis’ flow really well. Frank, on the other hand, on the hook, sounds asleep and bored, and he does throughout most of the song until his verse where he starts straining his voice very forcefully and frankly, it sounds pretty terrible over a club-ready beat. Come on, Frank, the bored flow at least works for stuff like this, you didn’t need to put any effort or emotion into this performance, yet, you do for some of it and it just doesn’t sound good at all. Stick to sounding like you’re on half a Xan during your guest features, it works much better. Oh, yeah, and this song is barely three minutes and ends very abruptly. It’s just kind of sloppy if anything, mostly because of, unfortunately, Frank Ocean. The song’s serviceable, I suppose, and I know why it charted – it’s catchy, it’s at the start of the album, yet I’d have much preferred “NO BYSTANDERS”, “SKELETONS”, “R.I.P. SCREW” or even “STOP TRYING TO BE GOD” to chart instead of this and the next few tracks, although this next one I’m not necessarily complaining about.

#15 – “STARGAZING” – Travis Scott

Ah, the opening track to ASTROWORLD, and one of the few songs that doesn’t have features as well as actually being somewhat astro-themed, as it’s very psychedelic and trippy yet does feel like a theme park ride in its structure. Let me elaborate.

It starts with some slow, eerie chords with some beautifully autotuned singing throughout, before you get a drop – the bass and the rollercoaster – which starts initially with some pretty disjointed drum patterns, as your mindset would be during a ride, as Travis says, “going crazy” and “rolling”, quite similarly to the effect of psychedelics. He has some pretty... interesting falsetto vocals here, as well as the classic ad-libs we know him for crowding the catchy hook, before the drums start to collapse briefly and we get a moment of peace, of build-up, with some sweet guitar and extra keys, which sound really pretty, especially with all the sound effects of people screaming and having fun on Astroworld building the atmosphere. It then comes to a sudden stop and you’ve gone down the biggest slope in the rollercoaster, so you’re calmer but the ride hasn’t stopped. The beat switches and now you’re going through maddening keyboard loops whilst a slick trap beat plays, allowing Travis to spit some surprisingly impressive bars here, with a simple flow but some funny lines like about how it’s not a moshpit without injuries and how Kylie’s jumping off him like Moby – you figure it out – while a faint “alright, alright” vocal sample plays, and then it just comes to an abrupt stop. Your ride has finished, but it’s only the first track so you’re ready for the unimpressive mediocrity of the other rides in the theme park that you only go on because you have younger siblings with you.

#9 – “SICKO MODE” – Travis Scott featuring Drake and Swae Lee

Speak of the devil.

Alright, so this track is three songs, and the only reason why this absolute mess of a song was the biggest hit is because of Drake, but you know that already. Let’s analyse each part of this five-minute trap-rap trilogy.

We start with a fantastic sample, and one of the best moments on the album as Drake just sings over one of the best beats I’ve heard this year, God, I love that sample so much, but then the percussion comes in and he starts rapping, for one bar. Yep, the last line (the title) echoes and we go into a completely different song with a serviceable beat, where Travis Scott starts rapping with a flow I feel we’ve heard from him a few times before, with some extra classic hip-hop samples acting as ad-libs to his rapping, as well as some pitch-shifted chopped-up Big Hawk samples acting as bridges while Swae Lee just repeats one line in the background, but then after two verses, that one transitions too, pretty abruptly, into a boring Tay Keith beat for Drake to go all “Nonstop” on. Drake does half a Xan on a plane and is out like a light (like a light, ayy, yeah, what), and it tells. Over a Memphis-influenced instrumental, Drake delivers a decent enough verse but really, neither him nor Travis have enough charisma and energy to carry this. I appreciate how the beat goes all DJ Screw on us by the end, leading into the next song on the album, “R.I.P. SCREW”, but really, isn’t this just a huge waste of money for Travis? Sure, he’s probably getting it back and more, but a huge feature in the form of Drake, two guest vocalists (Swae Lee and Sheck Wes) hired purely for ad-libs, at least three samples, two of which are short clips that really aren’t worth the royalties he and his label probably had to pay, can’t be cheap, especially considering the four to six producers probably involved in this that had to get their paycheck too, even though knowing the industry, they probably won’t be getting them at all.

This song, as it is, is just a five minute slog, especially considering only the first minute is worth listening to. If someone has a separate track of just that Drake intro, I’d appreciate a link.

Conclusion

Yeah, Best of the Week goes to Travis Scott for “STARGAZING”, who also bags Worst of the Week for “CAROUSEL” with Frank Ocean and one of the two Dishonourable Mentions for “SICKO MODE” with Drake and Swae Lee, with the other going to Hardy Caprio and One Acen for just being void of anything interesting in “Best Life”. See you next week.

L

[lynccycling]

Humpday got you feeling down? In an uninspired funk and can’t get out? Not feeling motivated to chase your goals? We feel you, it happens. Which is why each LYNC instructor has tools to stay focused & on their game. Take a scroll down motivation lane and maybe pick up a tip or two to get you back on track.

Becca

I loooovvvvveeee taking Teddy on a walk or run (whatever Ted is feeling that day) and leaving my phone at home to be in my own headspace and one with nature if we go through Arbor Hills! I also love to listen to one of my new fav podcast “The Last Podcast on the Left” which is about anything from conspiracy theories to true crime or historical facts (history has ALWAYS been my fav subject) while cooking or cleaning around the house! Maybe its the Mexi in me but cleaning is a huge reliever for me! Clean house = happy lil becky!

Our favorite cleaning products? Mrs. Meyers infused with essential oils.

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Grace

I LOVE getting in my kitchen and cooking a yummy meal. I always start with a trip to the grocery store (probs Trader Joes) to pick up the ingredients.. I'm one of those weird humans that find grocery shopping SO therapeutic. I am currently OBSESSED with Alex from the Defined Dish, who just so happens to be a Dallas gal!  One of my favorites right now is her Shrimp Remoulade Lettuce Cups recipe! Of course, finishing it off with some healthy sweet treats, like this Banana Bread! 

This all happens while I'm listening to one of my favorite light hearted podcasts,  The Lady Gang.  When things get off track, a good belly laugh and a great healthy meal is always a great reset!

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Avery

I start my day with quiet time every morning accompanied by my devotional (@jesuscalling) and podcasts The Porch.

After quiet time, I take about 5-10 minutes every hour at work to listen to a few songs that make me happy (no shocker that Jess Glynne and Betty Who are at the top for me rn)

After work, I love walks on the Katy Trail or White Rock Lake, wine bars (leelas always) and cooking meals with my friends (favorite food blogger is definitely skinny taste). At night I try my hardest to unplug and focus on friends/family as much as possible.

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Andrew

This music definitely isn’t everyone’s thing, but the band August Burns Red has picked me up when I’m down, pushed my butt through tough workouts, gotten me focused at work, you name it, more times than I can count. Their lyrics are really powerful, and they wrote one of my all time favorites:

“Don’t excuse yourself from life today on the pretense of your past.” Let that sink in.

Alt response: I pet my dog or take him for a walk if he’s nearby, or just look at pictures of him on my phone because he’s stinking cute and it’s a good reminder that I need to keep it together for the people who love me and doggos that depend on me.

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Ashleigh

One of my favorite things to do (other than a good sweat sesh on the bike) is surfing. I used to go out to California and surf at San Clemente beach all the time when I was younger. It was a great way to slow down my mind and be focused on the present moment. HOWEVER there aren’t many beaches in d-town so I usually hop into a pool and swim it out or roll out my yoga mat at Hot Body Yoga. It’s a great way to control my breathing and something about being under water is relaxing to me.

When I need to get sh!t done, one of My favorite coffee shops is Global Peace. You can usually find me there writing or emailing with a cappuccino in hand. Also I LOVE coffee. Oh did I say love, I meant I’m addicted. Same thing right?

I’m also a BIG fan of live music and on the weekend if anyone is in town playing I try to make an effort to go out and support. It helps me get out of my head and is a good excuse to just sit back and enjoy some of my favorite tunes. My must see bands are: night riots, jet black alley cat, band Camino, State champs, Greta Van Fleet and Marianas Trench.

Look up concerts near you. One of our favorite venues? Granada theater!

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Liz

I love, and wish I did it more, putting my phone away when I’m home and being in the moment with my family (but of course grabbing it to document Noah dance parties and special memories). Five minutes with my son (if he is napped and fed 🙈) can cure five bad days. 

Between teaching/training clients/and all the hustle I also really enjoy silence. I rarely listen to music while driving nowadays because I’ve found that my mind tries to start programming and/or choreographing whenever a song is playing- so having quiet time to disconnect is important. I also love to jump in a class and go into student mode.

Check out 10 apps to help you put down your phone and get back to the moment.

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Jaz

When the weather is nice, I love doing outdoor activities and being near water! Paddle boarding, swimming, and BBQing are my go-to day-off favs. I also enjoy a homemade coffee in the morning to kick start my day and going out back to wake up and check on my pepper plants and succulents. Planting is very peaceful to me. I love watching things grow.

Check out this 101 on starting your own herb garden.

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Sydney

Outside of teaching, I love group fitness and enjoy taking classes at LYNC and around Dallas to let out nervous energy. I like to decompress by reading, listening to podcasts, and listening to LANY and John Mayer.

I listen to The Morning Toast and The Lady Gang - totally light hearted, but makes me bust out laughing in the car and puts me in a good mood before teaching.

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Kayla

To stay motivated, I read... a lot. I read everything from nonfiction true crime stories and self development books to fiction novels to self-published articles on Medium. You can catch me searching my inbox at the Barnes & Noble check-out line for a coupon for a new book or sitting at Mudleaf Coffee shop (a super cool space in Plano) with headphones in listening to Audible.

My go-to read is anything by Brené Brown (Daring Greatly is my fave). She is a vulnerability researcher, specializing in shame. (wow, couldn’t we all dive a little deeper into that?) 

I also love to listen to Gary Vee’s Podcast to keep me focused in the business world. He touches on marketing tactics, struggles in business and life, leadership development and more–and TBH he’s just brutally honest and sometimes I just need a good kick in the ass and for someone to tell it to me straight.

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Shannon

I like to take 10-15 minutes out of my morning to meditate to help level set me at the beginning of my day. My favorite app is “10% Happier” because it has courses, guided and unguided meditations and you can customize the time to whatever fits your schedule!

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Kelsey

I love a good story. I’m old school and really enjoy going to the bookstore and getting a physical copy. Lately my favorites have been ‘This Is How It Always Is’ and ‘Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine’. Put it with quiet time outside in the sun or snuggled with coffee and my puppy in the morning - foolproof feel good.

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Olivia

I love going to Title Boxing to punch out all of my feelings. Whether I need a release or am excited and want to celebrate an hour of hard work–gallons of sweat at Title is always the move for me. 

I also love to take long walks on the weekends with my fave gal pals, Allison, Leina, Izzy, and Madeline to La La Land Kind Cafe or Bird Bakery. We almost always indulge in a sweet treat which for me is the perfect way to celebrate a week well done.

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Izzy

The main thing I do at the moment to recharge is get a good nights sleep. Being in bed by 9pm really excites me, haha!

Also, getting some vitamin D and tanning by the pool on the weekends always puts me in a good mood. I usually end up falling asleep there too lol.

Catch this guided sleep meditation for a little shut eye to keep your mind right and our favorite SPF to lay out in the sun.

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Lindsey

I’d say personal time is the best way to recharge for me! I love walking the Katy Trail while getting out for some sunshine or hot yoga. Hot yoga is such a release for me because It not only calms the mind but gives me a good stretch! My favorite hot Yoga is at Core Power.

I’ve recently been loving EVERY recipe from The Defined Dish who makes clean/easy/whole30 approved meals. Her meals are so tasty and simple to make! Feel good guilty treat that is guaranteed to make any day better is ice cream!

Calling my family always lifts me up and keeps me rooted!  I also really try to put my phone down while at home for 30 minutes at the end of the day and engage in something other than scrolling mindlessly on social media which helps me reconnect with myself and surroundings.\

[it-was-not-the-cat]

Questions 1-99.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?Heaven - PVRIS, What's Wrong - PVRIS, Walk Alone - PVRIS, Winter - PVRIS, I Like Me Better - Lauv, Now or Never - Halsey2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?The lead singer of PVRIS, probably. I'll be seeing her in February, but not technically meeting her. 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.I don't have a book near me at all, haha4: What do you think about most?"Where the hell is my cat?"5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?"I'm home" This was literally 2 days ago HHAHAHA6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?With7: What’s your strangest talent?I honestly have no idea. I'm not that good at strange things haha8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)Girls are pretty; Boys are icky.9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nope.10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?I honestly don't know haha.11: Do you have any strange phobias?GRASSHOPPERS 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?Hah, funny story, a rock once. Got a bloody nose because it was stuck and had to go to the doctor to get it removed.13: What’s your religion?I don't really follow any religion.14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?Coming inside.15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Wayy behind it.16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?PVRIS, hands down.17: What was the last lie you told?I'm going to vacuum today.18: Do you believe in karma?Sometimes, I guess.19: What does your URL mean?When I used to self harm, I would tell people that it was just a scratch from the cat, but that was a lie. It was not the cat.20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Greatest weakness is probably saying no to people. Greatest strength is being lazy. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?Demi Lovato and Lynn Gunn22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?Nope. 23: How do you vent your anger?I just get in my own little bubble and just get angry at everything or shut everyone out. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?Rocks and shot glasses from my travels.25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Chatting online. Not necessarily video chatting, just like messaging. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?\I'm a lot happier with myself than I used to be. But I have a long way to go before I'm completely happy with myself. 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?I hate hearing people chew and swallow. I love Jasper's purring. 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?"What if I never started cutting?" 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Ghosts- YES, Aliens - no.30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.Right arm - coffee cup. Left arm - wall. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?It just smells like the air? I kinda smell the coffee next to me. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?South Side, St Joe.33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?East Coast34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?Tim McGraw. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?Just to be freaking happy.36: Define Art.I don't even know. 37: Do you believe in luck?Mmm, sometimes?38: What’s the weather like right now?It's fall, cold and windy, but like perfect. 39: What time is it?1:33 pm40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?Yes, I drive. I've never like gotten into a wreck, but I've hit 3 deer...41: What was the last book you read?My textbook for my Psych of Communications class. Hah, we read it cover to cover. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?I don't hate it, but it's not my favorite. 43: Do you have any nicknames?Mac.44: What was the last film you saw?How The Grinch Stole Christmas while I was babysitting.45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?I have a lot of problems with my back and hips. I wouldn't really think of it as an injury because it wasn't caused by anything in particular, but it is definitely something that hurts like a mf.46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?Yeah.47: Do you have any obsessions right now?My cat. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?GAYYYY49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?Yeah that I was a lesbian back in middle school. I didn't know I was a lesbian then, but ayyy.50: Do you believe in magic?I really don't know for sure. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Yeah, but like I'm not like absolutely horrible toward them. I just don't forget what they did to me. 52: What is your astrological sign?Libra53: Do you save money or spend it?Both.54: What’s the last thing you purchased?Blockus.55: Love or lust?Love!56: In a relationship?YES :)57: How many relationships have you had?Serious relationships? 2. Stupid middle school relationships? like 4.58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?Yeah.59: Where were you yesterday?I just stayed at the apartment all day. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?A headband, tweezers, and my backpack.61: Are you wearing socks right now?Nope.62: What’s your favourite animal?Currently, giraffe.63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?HAHAHA my what to what64: Where is your best friend?Sitting right next to me :)65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.secrets-written-in-my-skin, h--e--r--o--i--n--a, lesbian-and-lesbian-, take-a-look-to-my-life, sheekeepsmewarm66: What is your heritage?Uhh, American?67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Allie and I were playing games.We were probably playing Snakes and Ladders.68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?wut.69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?Hell yeah.70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?Yeah, honestly I would like to have me as a friend. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?I would try to help the dog, but also call someone to help and then explain to my boss what happened. If it was my boss I have right now, she'd be understanding. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?Oh yikes. I would probably tell people it was happening. I would definitely travel with whatever money I had left and I would be absolutely terrified. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.Love. 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?Don't Be So Hard On Yourself - Jess Glynne75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?I would prefer not to put that out there. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?You should probably like, love the person. But also being able to be yourself around them. And being able to silently sit in the same room, doing separate things, and still enjoying it and not finding it awkward. 77: How can I win your heart?Bring me food.78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?It can, but for me it just brings anxiety. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?To start talking to Allie off anon. 80: What size shoes do you wear?Anywhere from a 7.5-8.5. It depends on the brand/shoe. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?Just the normal thing, birth date, death date, and like "daughter, wife, mother, etc"82: What is your favourite word?Probably fuck or shit?83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.Love.84: What is a saying you say a lot?"I love him" (I say "him" funny and I say it about my cat.) or "Listen, Linda".85: What’s the last song you listened to?Jolene - Dolly Parton.86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?Currently, purple and turquoise/teal.87: What is your current desktop picture?A colorful space thing I designed on a website.88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?My old manager. He was such a dick. He made me hate my job so much that I would get insanely anxious before going in and then I'd call in. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?Uhmm... I don't really know. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?Freak the fuck out, scream, wake up Allie, grab my cat, and leave. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?Oooh, umm to see the future?92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?The first time I met Allie in person.93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?The part of my life that I never talk about.94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?They are all way out of my league. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?Ireland.96: Do you have any relatives in jail?Not that I know of.97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?Probably when I was little, but not that I know of. 98: Ever been on a plane?Yes! 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?"uhh..."

[littleraesofsunshine]

A Self Survey

1.         What does your ideal day look like?

Waking up to watch the sunrise in a pair of comfortable pajamas. I have a large cup of hot tea and a bowl of fruit, and I can sit on the porch in silence and think or read with a blanket over me. When the sun rises I exercise- probably yoga or a slow walk to make me present and get my blood flowing. I am driven to get a massage, one that is long, luxurious, and makes me forget everything. I am driven to a salon where my hair is washed, cut, dried, my eyebrows are waxed, my feet and toes are manicured. I go to the bookstore where I can pick out a fresh novel. I go home and my sheets are fresh, my room is cleaned, and I can take a long bath and scrub and be clean. I end my night with some takeout, fresh pajamas, a candle, and my new book in bed.

2.        What did you want to be when you were younger?

I always changed my mind. A doctor. A teacher (who didn’t want to be a teacher at that age?). A librarian. A dancer. A vet. Someone who was smart and participated in my interests.

3.        Who are you most inspired by? Why?

Maya Angelou. Such a wise and strong women who had so much thrown at her but was still able to thrive and make such a grand impact on the world. She is a role model for strength, truth, and overcoming the obstacles put in your way.

4.        Who would you love to meet? What would you ask?

I would love to meet Gandhi to ask about his wisdom and his understanding of the world. He seems to know more than most of us about our place here.

5.        What habit would you most like to break? What habit would you most like to start?

I would like to stop picking at my skin and my flaws and just let them ride their course. I would like to start eating healthier and only when I am hungry, drinking only water.

6.       Think of a person you truly admire. What qualities do you like about that person?

I admire my little. She is genuine. She wishes no ill will on people. She is calm and connected with herself, though she still has struggles. She does not let others walk over her.

7.        How do you like to relax?

I like to read a book, or listen to and play music. Comfortably. Without any expectations.

8.        When was the last time you did something you were afraid of?

I applied to schools and for commencement speaker.

9.       What are you most proud of?

I am proud that I was able to push through my anxiety and physical problems in order to do well socially, physically, and academically.  I have worked hard without sacrificing my life to still be successful.

10.     What are you most afraid of?

I am most afraid of being alone when I don’t want to be- unwanted, deserted, and defenseless- and being someone that I hate.

11.       If life stopped today, what would you regret not doing?

I would regret never going to the places I wanted to see, learning as much as I could, and making as much of a difference as I could.

12.      Who would you like to connect (or reconnect) with? Why?

I would like to reconnect with Lindsay. She is the most genuine and good friend, and I messed things up with her. I want to have good conversations with her and have fun and be a friend that she deserves.

13.      What qualities do you admire in others?

I admire patience. Gratitude. Clarity. Being present.

14.      What practical skills do you wish you had?

I wish I could be self-sufficient and sew my own clothes, fix my car, and make whatever I need to.

15.      Imagine you’re in your 90s. What memories would you like to have? What stories do you want to tell?

I would like to have memories of unpredictable nights with friends, loving memories, calming ones, and ones with families. I would love to tell about making a difference and my experiences traveling the world.

16.     What is your favorite book/movie/song? Why?

Book: East of Eden. It is written with beautiful language, has multiple meanings, and is so well planned and connected.

Movie: The Imitation Game. Benedict Cumberbatch was a wonderful choice for the role, and the story of Alan Turing needed to be told in a way that was just (with which I think the movie succeeded). Turing had an amazing story and is a hidden hero who was brilliant but mistreated because of his sexual preference, which teaches us that someone’s soul and character is more important than anything.

Song: (long term) Aint No Mountain High by Marvin Gaye- it reminds me of my family and my youth as a part of Stepmom, but it talks about helping each other no matter where you are.

(Short term) It Wasn’t Me by Shaggy- it’s definitely a jamming song

(Shorter term) Rather Be by Clean Bandit ft. Jess Glynn- beautiful melodies, more beautiful meaning of being with the ones you love.

(Today) Greenlight by Lorde- pumping up, going for what you want no matter what.

17.      If you could make one change in the world, what would it be?

Lack of hate based on difference. It is stupid and everyone’s ideas are valid.

 18.      What do you love to do for, or give to others (not an object – something from you personally)?

Make smile and ease burdens (whether it be through cleaning, massaging, buying something, or encouraging words).

19.     What excites you?

Succeeding in something I have been stressing about. Puppies. Babies.

20.    What do you wish you did more of?

Seeing people and working out to improve my social, mental, and physical wellbeing. I do like people, however my confidence issues and social awkwardness tend to get in the way.

21.      Pretend money is no object. What would you do?

I would travel and read and learn forever from people and reading and museums and displays. I would try everything.

22.     What area of your life, right now, makes you feel the best? Which area makes you feel the worst? Why?

My physical self makes me feel the worst because I am not as strong and well as I used to be, and I could be better if I was more disciplined. My career and academic life makes me feel the best because I am making improvements and I will be attending an Ivy League which I never thought was possible.

23.     Let’s jump forward a year. What would you like to have achieved in the past year?

I would like to have passed my classes at Brown, made strong connections with peers and professors, been more in shape, strengthened my social relationships, advanced in my career, and moved forward in adulthood either through home improvement, skills, buying a car, etc.

24.     What piece of advice would you give to five year old you? Sixteen year old you? Twenty-one year old you? Right now?

Five: Enjoy the freedom while you can. Do not let anyone hurt you. You will do great things and this will pass. Just breathe.

Sixteen: People will hurt you. It is for the better. Love your friends while you can.

Twenty One/Now: Things will keep moving whether you stress or not. Do your best, because the person hardest on yourself is you.

 25.     How do you want to be remembered in life?

I want to be remembered as caring, wise, a go getter, and a lover. Someone who is connected to the earth and herself and others and was authentic and pure.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 09/01/2021 (Justin Bieber, SZA, Jason Derulo)

Happy New Year, everyone, and welcome to 2021 on REVIEIWNG THE CHARTS – or I guess you could call it “Season 4”. I’m going into this year with cautious optimism – that goes for pop music, mind you, and not actual world events which I suspect will just get even direr as the years go on. For 2021 on the charts, I’m hopeful and I hope that’ll show in this next year as I’m in a better place than ever, partly thanks to my decision to renew this series in the Autumn, and we’ve got a busy week – or year – ahead of us. I can keep up with new releases every Friday like I used to and generally kick myself back into a routine with all these musical hobbies. I stay cautious in my optimism for 2021’s pop music because frankly, looking at this top 20, I can’t say I like a lot of this at all. I mean, I guess I’m fond of some of these tracks but I suspect a fair few of these songs to have their last shred of success this Winter and not turn out as year-long hits. I can’t say that for our #1, which is “Sweet Melody” by newly-collapsed girl group Little Mix, the fifth credited #1 for the group and their first since 2016’s “Shout Out to My Ex”. Admittedly, I feel like Little Mix ends here, hopefully with a bang as this was one of the few bonafide smash hits that lasted through Christmas, and I see it lasting a couple more weeks at #1 as a good send-off because I don’t predict the band getting back together without Jesy anytime soon... not that I care about pop-group politics, of course. On that note, let’s divert to our rundown. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

There is a single song in the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – that has not gained, returned or entered for its first week, and that’s “Love is a Compass” by Griff from Disney’s Christmas advert down to #50 – it’ll be gone next week, but I honestly don’t really understand why it lasted an extra week. Maybe Soul and Disney+ had something to do with it, because I cannot see this getting consistent streams. Otherwise, look: I’m not mentioning every single drop-out because I would just be repeating every single drop-out because I would just be repeating all of the Christmas songs that I’ve already listed every single week since late November. I will say this: “Last Christmas” by Wham!, last week’s #1, is gone from the top 75, alongside “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey, “This Christmas” by Jess Glynne, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Justin Bieber, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring the late Kirsty MacColl, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid and “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé are all gone despite staying in the top 10 in last week’s awkward grouping of holiday trite and regular pop. Everything else I’ve said over the last few weeks in the returning entries and gains sections, Christmas-wise, is gone, and I don’t want to list any other drop-outs, including even all of last week’s new arrivals. The only other notable song dropping off from the chart that’s not explicitly Christmas-related is Liam Gallagher’s charity single “All You’re Dreaming Of”, and that’s not exactly a surprise to anyone. Okay, so for our returning entries and gains, I’ll list them in some kind of janky order. Starting with returning entries, the category that fits most of these songs is: “year-long hits that have had one final and brief second wind after the holiday season that will later be replaced as Spring comes”. This includes “Giants” by Dermot Kennedy at #75, “Breaking Me” by Topic and A75 at #74, “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek at #71, “Rain on Me” by Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande at #70, “ROCKSTAR” by DaBaby featuring Roddy Ricch at #68, “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa at #67, “Lighter” by Nathan Dawe and KSI at #61, “Ain’t it Different” by Headie One featuring AJ Tracey and Stormzy at #60, “Savage Love (Laxed – Siren Beat)” by Jawsh 685 and Jason Derulo and remixed by BTS at #58, “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi at #56, “WAP” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion at #47, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo at #46, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles at #41 and “Looking for Me” by Paul Woolford and Diplo featuring Kareen Lomax at #39. Our next category is: “really old – and massive - songs riding off the coattails of a weak chart for a cheap additional week to add to their repertoire”. This includes “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at #73, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong at #72, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran at #66, “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at #64, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi at #45, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I at #38, and I guess even “Train Wreck” by James Arthur returning big at #18. Our third category consists of: “mostly more recent and decently-sized hits coming back because they’re still popular but won’t be re-peaking any time soon”. These include “Gnat” by Eminem at #69 (although you’d be stretching to call that a hit exactly – would have been without Christmas), “Show Out” by Kid Cudi, the late Pop Smoke and Skepta at #62, “Lasting Lover” by Sigala and James Arthur at #57, “Princess Cuts” by Headie One featuring Young T & Bugsey at #55, “no body, no crime” by Taylor Swift featuring HAIM at #54, “pov” by Ariana Grande at #52, “Tick Tock” by Clean Bandit and Mabel featuring 24kGoldn at #51, “Diamonds” by Sam Smith at #49, “Body” by Megan Thee Stallion at #44, “Plugged In Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer at #43, “champagne problems” by Taylor Swift at #42, “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #36, “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra at #34, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #33 and “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco at #32. Our last category consists of songs that returned and peaked this week, including many in the top 40. These include “You’re Mines Still” by Yung Bleu and remixed by Drake at #59, “All Girls are the Same” by the late Juice WRLD at #53 (still very strange to see that song from 2017 peak nearly four years later), “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #48, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI at #40 (more on him later), “The Business” by Tiesto at #31 and “Golden” by Harry Styles at #26. These are the most important returns because they signify what could be coming down the line for our genuine Winter hit parade, or at least the post-Christmas half of it. What might better show this are our gains, however, as these songs were sticking through the holiday season and took advantage of it this week to poke through even higher in the top 40 and often top 10. We have “Forever Young” by Becky Hill at #35, “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #29, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #27 (as soon as I can stop saying that full song name the better), “Monster” by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber at #25, “No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix at #24, “HOLIDAY” by Lil Nas X ironically up to #23, “positions” by Ariana Grande at #22, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper at #21, “Loading” by Central Cee (still growing on me) at #20, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #19, “Dynamite” by BTS at #17, “Mood” by 24kGoldn and iann dior at #16, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #15, “Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and the Digital Farm Animals at #14, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd still here at #13, “willow” by Taylor Swift at #12, “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus featuring Dua Lipa at #11, “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy at #10, “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #9, “34+35” by Ariana Grande at #8 and “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI at #7. I can reassure you I’m overjoyed about that last one – not because the song is good, quite the opposite, I just like having easy targets ready for the end of the year when I actually end up doing a worst list. Oh, and that’s not the end of it: “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd is at #6, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa and remixed by DaBaby is at #5, “Whoopty” by CJ is somehow at #3 and finally, “Afterglow” by Ed Sheeran is at #2. We already mentioned “Sweet Melody”, so now finally, it’s on to our new arrivals. What did you gain from reading me list sixty-odd songs in rapid succession with minimal commentary? Nothing. What did I gain from it? Whatever’s just above nothing, but as is the UK Singles Chart in early January.

NEW ARRIVALS

#65 – “Your New Boyfriend” – Wilbur Soot

Produced by Wilbur Soot

Before I put two and two together, I was incredibly confused to who this guy was and why he was charting – he’s doing particularly well on Spotify for this indie singer-songwriter, right? I did one quick  Google search – literally typing in “Who is Wilbur Soot” – and soon found out that I actually already know the guy from “SootHouse”, a YouTube channel I think I might even be subscribed to. Huh, I guess that shows how faceless social media platforms can be – his name is in the videos and I should have assumed from “Soot” but that missed me until now. Right now he’s part of that whole worryingly popular group of content creators that tread the very thin line separating Minecraft let’s-players from commentary YouTubers and Twitch streamers from paedophiles. I’m too old to understand any of this garbage but from what I see trending on Twitter all the time, it seems toxic and frankly I don’t want in any part of that. I don’t want to have my grandparents’ graduation photos leaked to the Internet alongside my address, thank you very much, so I think I’ll distance myself from the whole “Internet celebrity” and just talk about the music. This is the last in a trilogy of E-boy indie-pop songs, because of Goddamn course that exists. Song number-one, “I’m in Love with an E-Girl” is a dreary acoustic duet that forgets that comedy songs are supposed to be fun or witty, relying on obscure inside jokes and references to recently-outed paedophiles. I do like some of the jabs later on about romanticisation of mental illness and Chevy’s voice is really nice, whoever that is, but it’s too little too late to be a worthwhile track. Now for song #2, “Internet Ruined Me”, which is a slightly livelier rendition of what is pretty much the same song, with lyrical gems like, “My Twitter feed’s like my brain ‘cause I have it on dark mode.” At least it feels like a more honest attempt at a song, but song #3, “Your New Boyfriend”, the one that’s charting, is obviously the most realised out of these acoustic demo skits, with some pretty sweet piano melodies and Wilbur getting into his comically struggling high register to depict his naivety as a teenager when attempting to get into both a long-term relationship and career as an entertainer. Sure, the song’s janky and awkward, but the chorus has a genuine punk groove, even if it wants to stop to interject ad-libs for no reason and kind of ruin whatever momentum is there in the first place. By the second verse, the punchlines devolve to “No homo, though” and though I do like how those horns sound, they are somewhat clouded in a messy mix that does not help Wilbur out vocally at all. Chevy’s background vocals do help here and add a lot to the floaty atmosphere of the song, and, okay, I’ll admit: the song’s good, if a bit ridiculous and almost Weezer-like in lyrical content... but hey, I like Pinkerton, and there’s certainly enough pointless noise in this song to fit the criteria, so... Goddamn it, I have to recommend this one. Let’s just date this episode – and song – even further by requesting Carson and Pyrocynical hop on a nonce-rock remix, perhaps. Bring Dream along too.

#63 – “Reminds Me of You” – The Kid LAROI and Juice WRLD

Produced by Aaron Joseph, Theron Thomas, Sam Sumser, Sean Small and Dr. Luke

Oh, and speaking of sex crimes by men in places of power, welcome back, Loctor Duke, Tyson Trax, or as I prefer, (alleged) rapist. I don’t like to get too moralistic on this show because it is about the music but I cannot think of any person who would in their right mind know of “Praying” by Kesha and still want to collaborate with this waste of space who uses his monopoly on pop songwriting to continue raking in cash from vulnerable young singers, to the point where I’m not sure if I can truly blame artists for ending up with Dr. Luke production or writing credits... oh, wait, yes, I can! I don’t let Saweetie, Doja Cat or even Kim Petras off the hook for actively collaborating with Luke seemingly in defiance of, you know, moral decency, so I definitely won’t give The Kid LAROI a pass, especially if he and the label are going to use this as another opportunity to milk the passing of a genuinely talented man in Jarad Higgins, or the late Juice WRLD, for the sake of a chart hit for this bumbling Australian wannabe and a sexual predator. This is not the first time, either, but I’ll admit the story gets fuzzy, as Kim Petras did reveal that this performance from Juice was in the studio as she was recording a song, supposedly, that is – I have no hesitation to say I think stories could be made up by record labels to make whoever’s involved look a tiny bit less of an ass. Oh, and by the way, this isn’t even originally a Kid LAROI and Juice WRLD track. Let’s talk about “Reminds Me”, a pretty mediocre Kim Petras song where she blatantly imitates Juice on a trap-pop instrumental that’s just pitiful, as is her vocal delivery that makes lyrics Juice clearly wrote unconvincing. Kim Petras isn’t doing a homicide, I mean, I hope she isn’t. So now we’ve got a “reimagination”, “revamp”, “remake” – or to put it realistically, remix – of an already worthless, disposable song made by a sexual predator and its enablers, spat on by The Kid LAROI’s unforgivably gross delivery where he essentially covers the Kim Petras song and does even a worse job of it, mixed bizarrely – especially in the vocal department – and topped off with a tacked-on Juice WRLD demo verse, so lazily put together that they just repeat his verse to awkwardly lead into an anti-climactic chorus where Juice is nowhere to be found. Everyone involved in the making of this song lost whatever shred of respect I had for them in the first place for putting this out – and that doesn’t include Juice, who’s clearly being mismanaged post-mortem. If The Kid LAROI sticks around, don’t forget this and don’t forget everything he’s done – intentionally or unintentionally – to heartlessly pinch pennies out of Juice’s legacy.

#37 – “Goosebumps” – Hvme

Produced by HVME

I’d make the easy, cliché joke that this isn’t living up to “goosebumps” by Travis Scott featuring Kendrick Lamar, but... this IS “goosebumps” by Travis Scott featuring Kendrick Lamar. HVME is this boring faceless nobody—I mean, “mysterious” Spanish DJ who made a garbage deep house remix of a pretty decent Travis Scott song, but not using the original vocals and stems, which would have probably made this listenable, but instead covering the song himself, stripping of it of Travis’ original energy that carried the eerie trap instrumental and pretty pathetically attempting to replicate the “Straight up!” ad-lib. The mix is fine but puts way too much emphasis on all the swooshing and nothingness synths that do little to get in the way of the typical pumping bass-line you hear in this type of house, and, yeah, this is pitiful once again and reeks of no-effort dance music made in a bedroom you wouldn’t even hear bumped in clubs. He doesn’t even try and re-sing Kendrick’s verse – good – and his attempts at picking up Travis’ masterful flow from the original is comical at best, to the point where I genuinely laughed out loud as his measly “brr-brr-brr” sound effects. I don’t understand why this is so high, yet it has 112 million Spotify streams as his only release on the platform, and I can only assume this is thanks to Ministry of Sound and some Lithuanian record label (don’t ask; I don’t know either). I don’t see this surviving January, thankfully, so you can say goodbye to this guy and his awful, awful cover for good... hopefully.

#30 – “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” – Jason Derulo and Nuka

Produced by Nuka

I don’t think there’s any “Tampa Beat” to speak of so Jason Derulo, are you just putting “(Blank) Beat” at the end of all of your songs now? What do you even gain from that? Except there is a “Tampa Beat” – unlike Jawsh 685’s original track, however, it wasn’t called that. Nuka is a New Caledonian producer and she made a song called “4 Bryleans (WayzRmx2018)”. Alright, well now it’s the “Tampa” beat, because I’m sure Florida is close enough to a French territory in Oceania, right? Maybe he’s talking about the ghost town in Australia, or the... small Transylvanian mountain. Okay, I’ll stop kidding myself: this title is complete nonsense. At least he asked for the sample before using it this time, and if Derulo makes careers out of this, then I’ll be glad for these underground Oceanian producers. The difference is here it just feels lazy and co-opting a style he’s clearly not in tune with for the sake of hits for himself. It would make more sense for him to keep on working with Jawsh if he really had good intentions for producers out there in the Pacific. Anyway, much like the title, this song, produced by someone who claims to make the best cheesecake in the Pacific (which I wouldn’t think is that hard of an award to claim), is nonsensical. It’s stuck in 2014 with gross synth leads, clipping percussion and finger-snaps straight out of DJ Mustard’s older stuff, along with what I guess is the sound of the Pacific: Jason Derulo doing fake accents over incessant horns and over-produced garbage that seems like its sole purpose is to annoy... and I liked “Savage Love”! I think my favourite part of this production is when he pitches the horn line down for the verse and then it comes back mid-way through as annoying as ever, even if this mix is crowded enough for you to just barely ignore it. Derulo isn’t doing much here either other than straining his voice for a belt no-one asked for and having a complete dissonance between verse and chorus in terms of lyrical content. Oh, and there’s a copious amount of remixes that are all garbage. The instrumental’s on Spotify too under “Waterfall”, so I guess that adds another name to the list of names this song has for no reason. At least with “Savage Love” I got to hear BTS drop F-bombs, this is just worthless.

#28 – “Good Days” – SZA

Produced by Los Hendrix, Nascent and Carter Lang

I came into this episode all optimistic and ended up just moaning about sex crimes and Jason Derulo but I think if there’s going to be any shred of true quality from our new arrivals, it’s the new SZA track that’s shaping up to be genuinely big organically on radio and streaming, “Good Days”, from that new album, whenever Top decides he’s going to let her release it. I’m not the biggest fan of SZA; you probably don’t remember that she ended up on one of my worst lists a couple years back, although that’s mostly at the fault of Travis Scott more than her. This doesn’t mean I’m not excited to hear from her, though I did like some of the stuff off of CTRL, particularly “Prom” and “20 Something”... and, yeah, in terms of what I want from contemporary R&B, I’m not mad at “Good Days” at all, though it’s going to take a lot of growing on me because I immediately hate this mix and production, which relies on slick, lo-fi guitars being drowned out by overweight percussion that sounds organic but pretty unfitting and awkward amongst the reverb-drenched vocals and unrecognisable mix that doesn’t compliment SZA’s at times awkward delivery. That’s a shame to say because I think she harmonises well with co-writer Jacob Collier, especially on the chorus, where she wishes for good days ahead, which is lyrical content I can get behind: coming out of a bad place and knowing you have no authority over your future but wishing for good days regardless. When the synths come in after the third verse at about three minutes and SZA’s voice disappears from the mix, becoming less overbearing than it is, I can appreciate the song more and especially when that final chorus comes in... except there isn’t a final chorus to leave this song off with much of an impact, rather just a tacked-on instrumental section that felt like Jacob Collier was tasked with just extending a snippet, which given how the song was teased in “Hit Different”, might actually be the case. I like the lyrics a lot, and do think it picks up after the song practically ends, but I’m not sure about this right now, and could see it growing on me as good days either become more imminent or drift even further away.

#4 – “Anyone” – Justin Bieber

Produced by watt, The Monsters & Strangerz and Jon Bellion

I’ve done a lot of writing and reviewing this week so I’m glad I can sum this up in a few sentences. Justin Bieber is an overexposed hack who I cannot feel any emotional connection towards at all, so him continuing to make any art is moot. This song has a loading screen of a synth melody, and that’s before that really ugly chorus that Bieber really can’t save with his Auto-Tuned whine of a voice, alongside acoustic guitars that clearly do not blend well. Jon Bellion’s production at the end of this just barely saves it by doing some kind of 180 shift into slow synth-pop, clearly coasting off of the Weeknd’s success in the same style without realising what made his record worthwhile. Camila Cabello recorded a demo that I’m glad isn’t the official version because her squealing would not sound good here either; really, I think Bellion could have kept this to himself but he knows he would put a lot more effort and character into his own lyrics than this – he would also write an actual bridge for his own album, I’d hope. It isn’t catchy, it isn’t intriguing and it is gutless, like Bieber has been for the past two album cycles and I guess it’s not changing this time.

Conclusion

What a downer for my optimism about pop music going forward this was! Even the best songs here I feel mostly ambivalent on, to the point where I can give Wilbur Soot of all people Best of the Week for “Your New Boyfriend”, which shocks me since I thought SZA would run with it, although “Good Days” does grab the Honourable Mention. Worst of the Week should be a toss-up if it weren’t for the fact that The Kid LAROI exists so he can get that for “Reminds Me of You” featuring the mangled remnants of whatever’s left of the late Juice WRLD’s Google Drive folders full of demos and leaks. I suppose Dishonourable Mention can go to HVNE for “Goosebumps”, but I’d understand it for anything else here. Here’s this week’s top 10:

Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more rambling – I swear I’m not usually this angry – and I can’t really predict anything going forward either, other than unfortunately more Dr. Luke, but we’ll see what the charts decide to bring us next Saturday when it comes. I’ll see you next week.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13th January 2019

Don’t expect these to come out on a specific day in the week, just expect them to come, alright? For what I suppose is the second season, I’m not pressuring myself to get them out always on a Wednesday or a Sunday, just any day possible, okay? I introduced this concept today because, yes, this is kind of late and yes, this week is tiring and for all I care, doesn’t exist. Let’s go.

Top 10

“Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is still at the top spot for what I think is either its third or fourth week at the top. It might even be fifth, I don’t know. Okay song, I’m surprised it’s gotten this big though.

Ariana Grande also isn’t moving since last week at the runner-up spot with “thank u, next”.

Up a spot from last week, however, is “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus.

Speaking of great songs succeeding, also up a single spot is “Wow.” by Post Malone, now at number-four, right next to his other song, in fact.

Yup, the current US Hot 100 #1 (and one of the best in God knows how long) is down two spots to number-five in the UK, and it’s “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee, from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

Remember when Dave and Fredo debuted at #1, and it was just a really perplexing moment for me? Well, the dude’s done it again, as his new track with Headie One (who doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, mind you), “18HUNNA”, has debuted at number-six. I’m assuming this is Headie One’s first anything, but I know this is Dave’s fifth top 40 hit and second top 10 hit over here, and to be fair, I’m actually starting to really like Dave, so I hope this is good, and I’m happy for the guy.

Oh, and in stark contrast, the absolutely dreadful James Arthur, with Anne-Marie on their cover of “Rewrite the Stars”, up a spot to number-seven.

A six-space gain for George Ezra at number-eight as “Hold My Girl” becomes his fifth top 10 hit.

Speaking of ballads that have grown on me, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is also up three positions to number-nine.

Finally, “Without Me” by Halsey is up a space to #10. Cool, I guess.

Climbers

“Play” by Jax Jones and Years & Years is up eight spots off the debut to #11, “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa has end-of-year boosts to thank for its delayed 15-spot gain to #22, and that’s it. We might as well try and get the Returning Entries out of the way right now as well. I’m planning to experiment more with structure so see stuff like this being out of order coming.

Returning Entries

Again, thanks to the year ending and the BRITs nominations being revealed, some of the biggest hits of last year have had increases in streaming and such, meaning “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne is back at #40 and “2002” by Anne-Marie is back at #37. That’s all.

Fallers

Now we have a few more of these than we do climbers: “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down eight spaces to #14 – stay there or go away, I don’t care what you do, but whatever you do, don’t creep up to the top 10 again. Anyways, other than that, we have “Shotgun” by George Ezra down nine spots to #16, “Thursday” by Jess Glynne slowly falling down six spaces to #19, both “This is Me” by Keala Settle and “A Million Dreams” by P!nk from The Greatest Showman taking seven-position hits down to #23 and #24, “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith down six spots, “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj down 10 spaces and “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora down six positions to #27, #28 and #29 respectively, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille sadly down nine to #35, and finally, “The Greatest Showman” by Hugh Jackman, Keala Settle, Zac Efron, Zendaya and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is down 13 spots to #38.

Dropouts

I’m going to order these from where they are on the charts this week, so, let’s just run through these because there’s a decent amount. “Money” by Cardi B is out from #35, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams is out from #30, “Body” from Loud Luxury and brando is out from #39, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is out from #38, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B is out from #34, and finally, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran is out from #40.

Special Feature

This year, I’m going to talk about more non-charting songs, so I’ll rip off Spectrum Pulse like I’ve been doing for a full year or so now, and do something like his new Ideal Hit section. Instead of songs that he thinks should be hits, I’m just going to pick a song that I see has been getting a push and want to be a hit because it’s really freaking good. Let’s start with:

SHOUT-OUT #1 – “Voila” – N.E.R.D., Gucci Mane and Wale

“Alright, come on, let’s go”. Those words are somehow so effective in starting this borderline masterpiece off. I don’t even know how to express my absolute love and fascination for this song in words. While N.E.R.D.’s comeback album NO_ONE EVER REALLY DIES was good, it was inconsistent, although this is probably my favourite track from there, excluding perhaps “Don’t Don’t Do It!”, which, yes, is somehow even better than this. Listen, I’m not a massive fan of either Gucci Mane or Wale, in fact, I think Wale kind of sucks, honestly – but put Gucci Mane on an energetic new wave beat and I’ll marry you. His Southern drawl makes his performance on the relatively complex yet catchy hook seem effortless, and then the pitch-shifted Pharrell Williams sounds just great, almost as a stark contrast to Gucci though, as Gucci is lazy yet smooth, while Pharrell is so stiff and that works perfectly, as even when he goes on more interesting vocal runs, he’s robotic. The beat strips itself down to bass and drums for Pharrell’s sole verse in which he tries to motivate the listener, before a robotic pre-chorus, in which he makes himself sound so emotionless, but it’s on purpose because what it’s saying is that self-improvement like Gucci’s after prison isn’t perfect and isn’t magic. It slows down briefly for a smooth Pharrell bridge, but then it comes back to the insane, beautifully cluttered new wave jam, and I’m going to remove all pretence and just say, yeah, it’s a bop. It’s fun, and then Gucci’s last “different” is dragged on and repeated, because, guess what? The song comes back as something different, in this case, a tropical trap beat with steel pans and kicks drowning out Wale’s half-hearted, lazy flow, which works because it’s stream-of-consciousness delivery with such a clearly calculated, simple and concise verse. The whole song can be seen as a motivational jam or some kind of sarcastic parody of those songs, but either way you see it, it’s fantastic. I’ve seen this in Apple ads, I hope this becomes a smash, even though it probably won’t. It happened to “Lemon” with Rihanna so I can hope.

NEW ARRIVALS

We have a lot of hip-hop and R&B today so let’s start with something that is decidedly neither of those things.

#33 – “Grace” – Lewis Capaldi

Lewis Capaldi’s a Scottish dude, and he released this song in September of last year, naturally becoming a smash hit in his home country. In the UK overall however, it’s been a sleeper hit and this is his first song to hit the top 40, so is it any good? Do I have any hope for Capaldi’s future work? I mean, it’s okay, I guess. It starts with subtle, light piano that is so bare that it feels Capaldi’s immediate anger and frustration is unwarranted, especially in the pre-chorus because I feel there isn’t any build-up to anything here. In fact, I’ve heard this before, I vividly remember hating it because of how abrupt everything was, and yup, I get why. This is aggravatingly slap-dash to me, and I know that you kind of have to be in today’s pop climate, but that’s America. This is Scotland, and it sounds like the dude who does the clean vocals for a Scottish post-hardcore band was told to water himself down over “Fight Song”. No, thanks.

#25 – “Options” – NSG featuring Tion Wayne

Okay, so first of all, who? Let’s see what I can gather from Wikipedia and other sources. NSG is the Northampton School for Girls, but they’re a group that is also part of the GRM Daily crowd, as we have at least one of these guys each week, and Tion Wayne I’m assuming is also from that general field of UK hip-hop, although he’s more of a Link Up TV than a GRM Daily, I guess. This is obviously the first top 40 hit for either artist, and I wish more of the reggae/grime stuff we get was like this. I like how it immediately scares you with that sharp, eerie piano line, with a vocal effect on one of these guys’ voice that is really effective considering it muffles him. The verses come in and we have conflicting piano melodies that actually complement each other, with NSG and Tion Wayne both bringing simple flows and fun deliveries. Sure, it’s nothing new, the content is all stuff we’ve seen before, and it’s probably way too long. Some of the NSG dudes are actually pretty decent singers, or at least ride on the beat well enough for me to not notice, like Kruddz, but the longest verse goes to Tion Wayne, and he kills it. I love how layered the track is, with all the strings and the claps coming together in the final chorus with keys that almost sound like trumpets blaring behind everything. It feels really triumphant and is pretty great in that regard. For people into this stuff, I recommend it.

#15 – “Undecided” – Chris Brown

Go away and take your illegal monkey with you, you abusing, detestable waste of time and money. Your song sucks, you can’t even sing anymore, and your production is always cheap and in this case, kind of tinny? You can’t rap, either, so don’t try. We’ve been putting up with you for a whole decade now and I’m sick of it, and I’m sick of you. I am not going to review your song. Fair enough? Fair enough.

#6 – “18HUNNA” – Headie One and Dave

No matter what I say, this song is definitely going to grow on me like most British rap I review on this show does. I do have to say, though, I understand why this one debuted so high, because Dave lazily rehashes his “Funky Friday” flow in his opening verse. This production feels like a cheap, trash type beat downloaded off of YouTube, with its shrill piano, synths and badly-mixed bass. Headie One is pretty awful on here, barely staying on beat and literally cutting himself off mid-line and mid-rhyme scheme to even attempt to keep steady through what is a way too long verse, although I respect the Pot Noodles reference, I guess. Yeah, no, this is gutter trash. I’m disappointed in 1-6 here, because the “Funky Friday” beat is great, although to be fair, that was co-produced by Dave. Get this out of my face.

Conclusion

What an awful week. There’s a reason I wanted to have an extra song that I could talk about positively, because this week was a constant fuel of garbage. Headie One and Dave get Worst of the Week for “18HUNNA”, with Dishonourable Mention going to human trash Chris Brown for “Undecided”. Best of the Week goes to that NSG and Tion Wayne song, I guess? Yeah, that’s a pretty dope song. See you next week, and let’s hope for “Voila”.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2: 16th December 2018

There’s more of them. Why? Why must there be more of them? How many Christmas songs do we need? None of the 12 we have on the Top 40 can even really make a play for the number-one spot (“thank u, next” being the Christmas #1 would be disappointing, though), so it just feels like we should be applying the same rules we do to artists who have more than three songs debut in the top 40. Three Christmas re-entries every week, at max – not only do we get less of them, but it’ll be more telling of what are the most popular ones, and we won’t have songs that never go anywhere break chart records. Did you hear that, Shakin’ Stevens? Sigh...

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

#36 – “Driving Home for Christmas” – Chris Rea

Who’s Chris Rea? I don’t know, really, he was a guitarist, apparently? From what I can gather, this is his only lasting impact because after a peep at his discography page, I can’t remember much from this dude at all – and sadly, being best-known for this song is not a great first impression. It peaked at #33 when it was initially released in 1988 (although it was written in 1978), however has since returned to the UK Top 40 every year, peaking last year at #14. I hear this one all the time and while I was just about to trash it for being plastic and too polished to really work, I mean, all Christmas music is, right? Judging it from that perspective means that I can more specifically complement the joyful, light chirpy piano melody and the nice acoustic guitar plucks running throughout – especially the occasional riff. I do like Rea’s raspier voice and the song’s well-written and doesn’t seem dated (would have sworn this song was made in the 2000s before today, although that may just be the animated music video that I’m used to seeing), and that’s pretty much all you need to ask for a Christmas track, so since this one does more, I’m not complaining about this returning – good enough song.

#33 – “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” – Wizzard

I credit the band as “Wizzard” but it’s really “Wizzard featuring vocal backing by The Suedettes plus The Stockland Green Bilateral School First Year Choir with additional noises by Miss Snob and Class 3C”. Yeah, there’s a bunch of children choirs here that used to be credited but are now left to the wayside, just for us to gaze at in the video as the poor kid gets picked up and sang with before the song ends and Roy Wood kicks him out, quite literally. They recorded and wrote this song in August too, so their producer decorated the studio and gave lead singer Roy Wood a fitting hat from lost-property. Oh, yeah, and I’m still unsure who really owns this song, there was a brief dispute between EMI and Warner Bros over it. This classic initially peaked at #4 in 1973, and has come back every year since. Now, I love this song, not because of how well-written it is like “Fairytale of New York”, not because of the production such as in “All I Want for Christmas is You”, but mostly because of how joyful it is – despite being really tongue-in-cheek. It starts with a cash machine for God’s sake, they were clearly aware of how much of a sell-out and cash-grab a Christmas rock song was, and wrote a saccharine song with all of the elements of a Christmas song, including the crisp horns and the children’s choir, of course. Wood’s vocals here are pretty great, and there’s some proper groove to the production – I’m surprised this one never met the US Hot 100, to be honest. The instrumental bridge with the strings rising in intensity while clashing both the choir and keys is just beautiful, and I personally find it hilarious how much effort they put into perfecting something that they knew was just easy money. The sax solo in the background in the penultimate chorus is pretty cool, and Roy Wood shouting “Okay, you lot, take it!” in a growling voice is iconic. Oh, and it has whatever the 70s glam-rock equivalent of a beat switch is four minutes in that is just abrupt and unnecessary, but I’m not bothered by it, it lasts like 15 seconds.

#28 – “One More Sleep” – Leona Lewis

This is a much more recent track yet still has become somewhat of a staple. Leona Lewis is an X Factor winner who made a Christmas album in 2013, with this being her lead single and almost her revival as her last single had failed to chart and her last album did relatively badly in comparison to her two previous, so what’s better to revitalise your career than a Christmas tune? After peaking at #3 in 2013, it hadn’t re-entered into the Top 40 until 2017, but now has returned, so we can safely assume we’ll be seeing this one for years to come. Leona Lewis’ performance here is pretty great albeit subtle, over some pretty non-descript yet effective Christmas pop production. The drums here are really punchy, and with all the sleigh bells and whistles added such as the horns (I’m not sure why everyone uses these for their Christmas songs, but it works) it is pretty well-produced if anything, and I’m not going to say it isn’t catchy (and that’s it’s only real purpose). I’ve actually never heard this one in full before, so I was surprised that this wasn’t mediocre, but it’s not great either. I appreciate it though, we need some newer Christmas staples.

#22 – “Step into Christmas” – Elton John

This song makes me feel like I’m on a whole lot of drugs. Yeah, to put it bluntly, but disregarding how much I love that guitar riff a lot, and the steadier beat, as well as how well-written it is, there’s so many repetitions of that one hook that it just gets to me and almost hypnotises me. I know how Christmas songs are kind of supposed to work like that, but this one is nearly five minutes, and although there’s definitely enough change for it to stay appealing and have the necessary breaks in the joy, it feels like it never stops. It’s just a neverending slog of a really good song being ruined by playing it four times in a row. This song needed to be two minutes and 28 seconds, but it might as well be three times that, because it’s mind-numbing. Like, seriously, Elton, shut up. Look, we get it, the admission’s free, that’s cool, but your Christmas song you’re welcoming me into feels way too much like Paul McCartney’s for me to have any fun. Seriously, have you heard “Wonderful Christmastime”? It’s the same concept, except the song that is being repeated ad infinitum isn’t a good song to begin with. The method clearly works though, because it initially peaked at #24 in 1973 and had a new peak last year at #11. Now, before the conclusion, what’s happened to the rest of the Christmas songs not in the top 10?

Christmas Climbers

“Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande is up five spaces to #30, with “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” reaching #26 after a 13-spot increase. Similarly at #21, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens has increased by 15 spaces. In the top 20, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is up 14 to #16, right next to “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid up 11 to #15. I’m not entirely sure if we’re counting Dalton Harris’ cover of “The Power of Love” featuring James Arthur as a Christmas song, but in that case, it collapsed by 15 positions to #19.

Christmas Conclusions

There wasn’t anything really bad here, but Worst of the Week goes to Elton John for “Step into Christmas”, with Dishonourable Mention not being given at all – again, nothing is all that bad. I guess Honourable Mention can’t be given either hence Best of the Week goes to Wizzard for “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday”. Now, let’s return to the “normal” half of the charts:

Top 10

Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next” is still at #1 without seemingly any competition other than a 1990s Christmas song by Mariah Carey. Yeah, I’d hate this to be the Christmas number-one because I honestly don’t think songs without any relation to the holiday get that. Heck, even “Perfect” last year by Ed Sheeran had a video about the holidays.

Also not moving this week is “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max at the runner-up spot.

Honestly, this top three seems too stable for Mariah Carey or Wham! to break into it. “Without Me” by Halsey is also not moving at all at number-three.

“Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus jumps up six spaces to number-four.

Of course, at the tail-end of the top five, up one space from last week, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey. I do want to add that this a top five without any credited male vocalists. Yeah, Mark Ronson is credited as a primary artist because he produced the track, but males produced every song here, it’s just good to see a top five full of pop girls this year.

Down one position from last week is “Thursday” by Jess Glynne at number-six.

Up seven spaces is “Last Christmas” by Wham! at number-seven – I guess this COULD make a play at number-one, but I doubt it’ll have a bigger peak than last year considering the death of George Michael was two years ago at this point, and that’s the main reason for its spike in popularity last year.

“Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down a spot to number-eight this week.

Thanks to the release of Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, the R&B tie-in single, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee, survives in the Christmas avalanche, with a seven-spot rise to number-nine.

Finally, to round off the top 10, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is up eight positions from last week, now at #10.

Now, just like last week...

What Survived

Anything that has drops or climbs less than three spaces aren’t mentioned. Any new arrivals, Christmas songs or top 10 entries aren’t mentioned – but otherwise, this is quite literally the rest of the top 40. “Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie is down three to #11, “Ruin My Life” by Zara Larsson has the same fate at #14, “Close to Me” by Ellie Goulding, Diplo and Swae Lee is up four to #17, “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez is down nine to #18, “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is down three to #20 (I’m surprised it’s still here), “Better” by Khalid is down three to #23, “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is somehow up eight spaces to #25, whilst “A Million Dreams” by P!nk is down eight spaces to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down five to #29, “Polaroid” by Jonas Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down eight to #31, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down a surprising 12 spaces to #34, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down six to #38 (although I feel this will rebound in January), “Shotgun” by George Ezra returns to #39 (did his album get discounted or something?) and finally, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is also down 12 to #40. I’m surprised it’s lasted as long as it has.

What Suffered

“Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo had its streaming cut I take it, as it has dropped out from #12 (just as I started to like this much more, unfortunately), while “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is out from #27 (good riddance), “MAMA” by 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj is out from #29, “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker is out again from #31, former #1 “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is finally out from #38 and “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma is out from #40 – probably because it wasn’t on the album. Speaking of...

NEW ARRIVALS

#37 – “whoa (mind in awe)” – XXXTENTACION

Yes, I’m disgusted by what I’ve heard of XXXTENTACION’s first ever posthumous album, SKINS. The song with Kanye and Travis Barker, “One Minute”, which they seem to be pushing as the second single, makes me want to throw up and “BAD!”, which we reviewed a few weeks back, is pathetic and lazy, but more importantly, unfinished. I know that even X, who is infamous for not developing his music, would add something to “BAD!”, for better or for worse. Honestly, I’ve been trying to escape the album to not fund and hence dignify what the label is doing, but I have to hear this one, so, sure, I’ll say, this seems at least promising. I like the little marimba line, I think it’s unique to hear in trap, but XXXTENTACION’s lyrics here aren’t exactly very memorable, mostly because he mumbles all of it, but mostly because he says “whoa” more times than I can count on one hand. The bass and trap skitter actually really works here, and to be honest, this beat, although barebones, is pretty damn good, although X trying to say something being “like whoa” is not as meaningful as he’s trying to play it, and honestly this song just doesn’t exist, does it? It’s nothingness. It’s mostly instrumental and I can barely hear the dude anyway. I can’t give this any title like Best or Worst of the Week because it’s our only new arrival this week, so it’s like a 4-5/10, to give you any idea of how much I like it.  

Conclusion

That was it, that’s our only new arrival. How anti-climactic. This won’t be the last time I see you, there’s a new REVIEWING THE CHARTS on the 23rd, but since I doubt anything Christmassy will really happen there, happy holidays, everyone. See ya next week!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 8th July 2018

All right, I really don’t want to talk about Drake. Let me elaborate: Drake has made a lot of music I love ever since he started rapping, but honestly, after a few years, he just got too popular and lost my interest because, like anyone at their peak, kind of got the mindset of “I can do whatever the hell I want and still get money” – which is, in fact, true. His laziest, mediocre, most boring and cheap songs seem to be his most successful, and that kind of aggravates me, when he’s capable of much better and puts it out, only for it to pale popularity-wise in comparison to the trash that he can spit out. Hence, I am glad UK chart regulations have shortened my Drake-load to only three songs, while America has 27 Drake songs in the Hot 100. Let’s stop rambling and get on into the top 10.

Top 10

Surprisingly, Drake just couldn’t knock George Ezra’s “Shotgun” off of its top spot, now at its second week there. That would be Drake’s third number-one debut this week if not for this track’s somewhat odd amount of strength as a hit. Huh.

Oh, yeah, speaking of Drake, we have “Don’t Matter to Me” from his latest album Scorpion, featuring posthumous vocals from Michael Jackson and uncredited vocals from Paul Anka, debuting at the runner-up spot.

“Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato is down one spot to number-three, somehow still toppling two Drake songs.

The highest of those two being “Nonstop”, debuting at number-four.

Drake also takes up the number-five spot with “Emotionless”, and just like that, he takes up three spots in the top five of both the US and UK charts. Delightful, it’s like the charts are his house that he rents every Summer.

Due to Drake, we have some decent fallers in the top 10, including number-six, “2002” by Anne-Marie, down three spots to number-six.

Also down by three positions is “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne, now at number-seven.

“I Like It” by Cardi B featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin stays at number-eight from last week.

“If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years is also down three spaces to number-nine, but that will definitely rebound with their new album and all next week.

Finally, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B creeps into the top ten at #10 due to a three-spot increase.

Climbers

Yeah, not much increased this week at all. Mostly debuts from last week had smaller gains, but those aren’t really notable. There are seven-space jumps for “Taste” by Tyga featuring Offset up to #27 and “Nevermind” by Dennis Lloyd up to #32, but other than those and “Oh My” by Dappy featuring Ay Em going up five spots to #26, there’s nothing to go and talk to home about here.

Fallers

There are a LOT of small fallers this week, especially for trap-rap and hip-hop since Drake took over that demographic, so I’ll only mention the bigger ones for pop and go rapid-fire for hip-hop. “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is down six to #16, as is “Familiar” by Liam Payne and J Balvin down to #20, as well as “no tears left to cry” by Ariana Grande now at #29. “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia took an eight-spot hit to #34, and “Girls” by Rita Ora featuring Cardi B, Bebe Rexha and Charli XCX didn’t fare well either, down eleven spots to #38, joining Cheat Codes and Little Mix at the bottom of the top 40 as their track “Only You” is down eight spaces to #40 after its debut last week.

Now, for hip-hop: XXXTENTACION – for obvious reasons – didn’t have a good week, with “SAD!” down nine to #14, “Moonlight” down 14 to #31, and “changes” down 15 to #37. Post Malone’s “Better Now” is also down eight to #15, taking an identical drop to “German” by EO, now at #23. And rapid-fire for the lesser falls: “Praise the Lord (Da Shine)” by A$AP Rocky and Skepta hit #21, alongside “Butterflies” by AJ Tracey and Not3s at #22. Women in hip-hop suffered too, as “Man Down” by Shakka and AlunaGeorge hit #30 and “Bed” by Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande had a five-spot injury down to #35.

Dropouts

Drake dropped out the charts. Somehow, “Nice for What” featuring uncredited vocals from Big Freedia and 5thward Weebie is out of the charts from #25, despite the album release and it hitting #1 in the US. That’s really odd, actually.

Other than that, “Love Lies” by Khalid and Normani is out from #33, “Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane is out from #37 and “Family Tree” by Ramz is out from #38, with most of the songs being pretty much at the end of their run, although “Answerphone” is fading away much quicker than I expected it to.

Returning Entries

There is one returning entry this week due to the World Cup and it’s an interesting case. Let’s talk about it.

#24 – “Three Lions” – Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds

“Three Lions” is a Britpop song written by rock band Lightning Seeds, as well as comedians David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, known for hosting the show Fantasy Football League together. It originally hit #1 in 1996 because it was made to celebrate England hosting the European championships, however it has since been recontextualised for World Cup events. In 1998, it was re-recorded and hit #1 once again, but that version never really stuck. Instead, every four years (and sometimes in between due to the European Championships), the original 1996 track kept on returning to the top 40 or top 100, peaking differently each time – in 2002 it was #16, while it was #9 in 2006, #10 in 2010 (alongside a second re-recording that peaked at #21, released with Robbie Williams and Russell Brand under the name THE SQUAD), #77 in 2012, #27 in 2014, #84 in 2016, and finally, #24 in 2018. It has a strong legacy and will go down as an official anthem for English sport, but is it actually any good?

Well, I’ve never been too much of a fan of music that’s too rowdy or ladsy (for lack of a better word), including a lot of Britpop, but this is too safe for even that. The hook is so weakly delivered with not really much of a passion at all, and I’m not sure if any of these guys can actually sing – don’t get me wrong, it’s catchy and I appreciate all the references to other notable English football moments, as well as some being sampled in an instrumental break that includes a nice guitar/synth refrain that slowly grows in intensity but then it all drops off at that anti-climactic, weaksauce chorus! Skinner’s vocoded, for God’s sake. Put some passion into the main vocals as much as you do with all the backing and left-ear-exclusive vocalising. Yeah, I’m not too much of a fan, but hey, I’ll chip in and have some hope for my own country. Come on, England! It’s coming home!

Wait, sorry, no, it’s not, we just lost against Croatia. God, it’s going to be depressingly ironic when this hits #1 next week – and it probably will.

DRAKE (new arrivals)

#5 – “Emotionless” – Drake featuring Mariah Carey

This is technically a solo Drake song that samples Mariah Carey, but I want to credit her as a feature here because I find it odd (and kind of awesome) how she’s done nothing of note this year and yet she’s still had two top 10 hits in the US since December simply by convenience, the first being “All I Want for Christmas is You”, the second being this new track from Scorpion, and, yeah, you know this is a No I.D. beat as soon as you hear Mariah Carey’s powerful vocals over the simple piano chords and a choir being pummelled by this bass and the skittering hi-hats, very similarly to “The Story of O.J.” by JAY-Z, which he produced last year, especially with how the sampled vocals are chopped-up at times, setting the stage for Drake to body this track with his rhymes about... condemning females using social media and modern technology to enjoy their time in foreign places, specifically Rome, and how he wasn’t hiding his kid from the world, he was hiding the world from his kid (that basically means the exact same thing, Drake, you can’t switch that!). He takes some shots at Kanye and mentions how the wise man once said nothing at all, which apparently, Drake cannot do throughout this year as he’s dissing Pusha T and Kanye throughout the album subtly, and then there’s an awkward fade-out to a nice funky, jazzy piano section that just seems kind of out of place and unnecessary? It doesn’t even lead up to the next song on the album (that’s “God’s Plan”), it’s just kind of there. Okay, but the beat is fantastic, so check this out anyway.

#4 – “Nonstop” – Drake

This nearly debuted at #1 in the US. I’m sorry, but what does anyone see in this?! This is boring. This is trash. This is Drake and his producers just not trying. Drake half-mumbles his verses for the most-part, with some pretty cringeworthy lines about how he’s light-skinned but still a dark man mentally, and how he’s a wig-splitter or whatever the hell. This beat is literally just a bass and some cheap trap percussion I could probably download from Loopmasters right now. This hook is literally just a sample from a Mack Daddy Ju song repeating with static effects and distortion, to the point where it’s unrecognisable and a massive waste of sample clearance money. I can’t believe Wheelchair Jimmy could make a Lil Xan song, but here we are: a sleep-inducing, probably drug-addled sleepwalk through Drake’s mind with more ad-libs than bars, which is probably how I’d describe his album – just replace ad-libs with pointless samples, for which “In My Feelings” is probably the worst case. I’m glad that one didn’t debut. Oh, yeah, and there’s the opening part, which is supposed to be cool and all but all he says is he flipped a switch and has some dumb “flip, flip” ad-lib afterwards, like, what are you trying to do, Drake? No matter what you’re trying to do, you’re failing immensely.

#2 – “Don’t Matter to Me” – Drake featuring Michael Jackson and Paul Anka

So, combining his enthusiasm for both lazy sampling and grave-robbery, Drake decided to buy some unreleased material from Michael Jackson that he wrote with Paul Anka, who provides additional vocals on the song, in 1983, recorded in the same session that lead to “Love Never Felt So Good”, another posthumous single Jackson released with Justin Timberlake in 2014. Surprisingly, Drake sloppily rap-singing over deceased R&B singers has proven to be a working formula, as he does the same stunt with Static Major on the best song on the album, “After Dark”. It’s vaguely tropical in its production, with some nice, warm synths and handclaps as well as some accentuated 808s that set the stage once again for Drake, who has a charm in his badly-sung verses. Michael Jackson’s pre-chorus is okay, and the King of Pop’s chorus is somewhat lowkey, which is a shockingly calm, subtle vocal hook for MJ but possibly an overly dramatic performance for self-certified wig-splitter Drake. Also, I know the audio was from the 1980s, but this could really have been mixed better, especially in the kind of excruciating pre-chorus and bridge (which is just all over the place with unnecessary reverb and echo). Come on, Drake, the mixing throughout this album is way too amateur for someone of your status. JAY-Z’s verse on “Talk Up” might as well have not been there before you made it louder when you pulled a Kanye and changed your own album, cluttering “In My Feelings” even more in the process and not changing this track and “March 14”, which need better mixing, or “Final Fantasy”, which really should have had the unnecessary bridge that samples the Maury skit cut, or “Emotionless”, which could do with you leaving the profanities intact on the explicit version of the album (how do you mess that up, honestly?), or even “Blue Tint”, by giving Future the verse he rightly deserves, instead of just sticking him onto the chorus as an uncredited hook-singer. Maybe you could have put songs on the right side of the album? Side A was darker hip-hop and trap, why is “God’s Plan” on there? Side B was smoother, funkier alternative R&B, why are “Blue Tint” and “Nice for What” on there? Thankfully, this will probably and hopefully be the last time I review a Drake song until my end-of-year lists – in which knowing Drake, he’ll probably make both worst AND best – so I can say I’ve slain this dragon for now (if Pusha T hadn’t done it already).

Conclusion

I mean, what do you think? I can’t give anything to the returning entries, so I have to give Drake something or other. “Nonstop” easily takes Worst of the Week – that is a dreadfully boring song – while I think I’ll give Best of the Week to “Emotionless”, and Honourable Mention to “Don’t Matter to Me” with Michael Jackson and Paul Anka for at least... trying. See you next week.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 27th May 2018

Rushed episode is rushed, but hope you enjoy anyways.

Top 10

When I said the top 10 was stagnant yesterday, I meant it. We have a few shake-ups, but otherwise, especially at the top, nothing’s happening. Is that a good thing? Maybe, but for now, we still have “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa at the top, and wow, it’s grown on me a hell of a lot. I hope this becomes a hit in the US because this has a chance of making my best list. If you wanted a reason to take my initial reaction and review of songs here with a grain of salt, here it is.

Oh, yeah, and “Nice for What” by Drake is still at the runner-up spot.

“No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande has no spots left to climb at number-three.

“2002” by Anne-Marie moved up one spot to number-four, thanks to another song absolutely collapsing – more on that later.

“Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane has moved up two spots into the top five.

“I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne has shot up seven spaces to number-six – joy!

“Flames” by David Guetta and Sia has lazily enunciated its way to number-seven, taking a two-spot jump from last week.

“Paradise” by George Ezra is still at number-eight. Nothing changed there.

“This is America” by Childish Gambino featuring Young Thug has fell by three spots to number-nine.

Finally, for some reason, “Better Now” by Post Malone rebounds a spot to number-ten, rounding off the top of the charts.

Climbers

We have some pretty big climbers at the bottom of the top 40, like “If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years zooming up 14 spaces to #24 off the debut, “First Time” by M-22 featuring Medina finally gaining some traction, moving up seven spots to #26, Yxng Bane living off his “Answerphone” fame to get “Vroom” up five to #27, “Man Down” by Shakka featuring AlunaGeorge somehow taking 12 spots in a leap of faith up to #28, overtaking “Back to You” by Selena Gomez, which also jumped 10 positions to #29.

Fallers

Okay, I said once when this track made the top 10, that I would never mention it by name because it was that despicably bad. However, I’ve got to give myself a victory screech and a celebratory drink because “Freaky Friday” by Lil Dicky featuring Chris Brown has tumbled 11 spaces to #15. Hopefully, this will be off the charts soon enough. Unfortunately, it took “In My Blood” by Shawn Mendes down with it, falling eight spaces down to #18, though it’ll rebound next week after the album impacts. We also have pretty intense 10-spot drops for “Paranoid” by Post Malone and “Call Out My Name” by The Weeknd, to #37 and #38 respectively.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

For dropouts, we have (finally) “Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man, dropping out from #34, as well as “Mad Love” by Sean Paul, David Guetta and Becky G dropping out from #31, but nothing else is worse than the massacre that Arctic Monkeys faced, with “Four out of Five”, “Star Treatment” and “One Point Perspective” dropping out from #18, #23 and #26 respectively. As for returning entries, we have two songs from The Greatest Showman, “Never Enough” and “A Million Dreams” coming back again, to #39 and #33.

Before we get to our new arrivals in the top 40, I want to talk about what’s just right outside of it, and thought I’d never talk about on this channel – K-pop.

Special Feature

#42 – “Fake Love” – BTS

I’ve not really been exposed to much K-pop, and to be honest, I don’t like a lot of snippets I’ve heard. However, there was a charm to BTS’ most recent album, in its polished production, catchy hooks and just clever pop writing. This song in question? Yeah, I love it. You start with that simple guitar strumming as the synth noise builds up into the first of like six freaking hooks on this song – it’s catchy as hell – where the trap snares kick in and we get a typical pop song, but instead, with charismatic rappers and singers, performing pretty fantastically over an otherwise somewhat cliché beat – but that beat is still great, don’t get me wrong. It is a perfect backdrop, like any pop beat should be, to the performers. It isn’t amazing, but it isn’t horrid. There’s a barking noise for some reason, and I love it. The rappers here flow surprisingly well here as well, especially the second dude who comes in before the smoother singing on the bridge. This song will be in your head for years and is a fantastic presentation of how simple trendy pop can be done very well.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Family Tree” – Ramz

So, this is Ramz – you may know him from his #2 hit “Barking”. Well, he’s finally back, and he’s been spending time fine-tuning this new song, “Family Tree”, which is his official follow-up to his last hit. Is it any better than the last one? Well, kind of. The autotune is more obvious and blatant here, used to accentuate his otherwise dull performance, with a joyful, childish melody on what seem to be steel pans behind the trap snares and reverb-drowned vocal samples, as well as a great concept from Ramz, where he just starts to talk about his “family” – rather, his friends or “squad” he met in primary school who he has stuck with through his whole life. Listen, this isn’t reinventing the wheel or anything, hell, I doubt Ramz has a grasp on how to draw a wheel yet, but for what it is, it’s a solid dancehall tune. No real complaints here, but nothing to write home about.

#35 – “Leave a Light On” – Tom Walker

This took so long to finally breach into the top 40. It’s been bubbling under in the top 100 for a few weeks, if not months, but due to its use in an advertisement (of course), it debuts at #35, and you know, maybe this wasn’t worth the wait. Backed by a piano, Tom Walker croons pretty clumsily with a somewhat raspy voice that loses all its edge in the verses – where he goes for an annoying, Passenger-type nasal delivery, only bursting out in the chorus, which is unfortunately very anti-climactic, with its calmer synths and skittering trap percussion, as well as brief interjections from a female singer. Then it kind of ventures into perfection in the bridge, with Walker screaming through distortion over the ironically calm drop, which ends the song proper, before a few scattered notes are played on the piano and Walker calms down with a few repeats of the title, and you notice it’s too little, too late to save an unnecessary addition to pop radio. The Cheat Codes remix is just as bad, but Chaney’s efforts to remix the song aren’t half-bad. I’d check out that groovier version before the original any day.

#12 – “Solo” – Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato

Okay, what is it with EDM producers censoring the F-word? I know I’m not one to talk, but am I the only one annoyed by this? Is it because they want more plays in clubs or whatever? I’m not talking about the radio edit here, no, I’m talking about the official version provided on Spotify, YouTube, Apple, whatever streaming service of choice. So, there was another “solo” dance hit last year, “Solo Dance” by Martin Jensen, which I absolutely love, for the record, but to be honest, I think “Solo” – with its contradictory name – might be up there in terms of quality. Now, at first listen, I hated this and wanted to tear it to shreds, but then I noticed that all the half-hearted, clumsy production kind of accentuated the lyrical content, that Demi wants to go solo and do everything in her own way, no matter how much she thinks she needs company. She sings it like it’s a rebellious, reckless thing to do, and that really puts the careless arrangement in perspective.

So, we start with a somewhat tropical synth backed by a pitch-shifted singer shouting Offset ad-libs (they return throughout Demi’s well-sung verses) and some strings as always, but then as we get into the verses, we have an unusually autotuned performance from Demi Lovato, which is so blatant that it makes her sound robotic, turning her into an instrument, similarly to how Blank Banshee chops up vocal samples to make a synth noise that fits in with the airy trap beat, which is pretty clear in the chorus, before the absolutely heavenly drop, which is anti-climactic but it works because there’s no real build-up, rather just Demi being more affected and distorted by the production, until she turns into a void of Ric Flair ad-libs, orchestral elements and an oddly comprehensible Vocaloid melody, also known as the drop. It sure is an interesting song that I’ve grown to love out of its pure quirkiness. Yeah, I prefer “Solo Dance” and it’s pretty middling as far as Clean Bandit go, but this is great too. Check it out.

Conclusion

We only have three songs this week, so no Honourable or Dishonourable Mentions, rather just Best of the Week, which I wish could go to “Fake Love” by BTS, but sadly, it doesn’t count, so it’s easily going to “Solo” by Clean Bandit and Demi Lovato, and Worst of the Week, which goes to “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker. See ya next week!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13th May 2018

Top 10

It’s pretty stale over here. We still have “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa at the top spot, spending its fourth week there.

“Nice for What” by Drake has jumped up a single place to the runner-up spot.

That’s because “No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande took a step down to number-three.

That song that I refuse to name until the end-of-year lists come around is still at number-four, quite obviously to my dismay.

“2002” by Anne-Marie is also steady at number-five.

“Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane is surprisingly making upward moves, up two spaces to number-six this week.

“Paradise” by George Ezra is sticking to its place at number-seven.

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith is also moving up two spots, right to number-eight. This has more longevity than I thought.

“Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign took a three-space hit to number-nine after the album boosts.

And speaking of Post Malone, to round off the top ten, we have “Better Now”, down one but still sticking onto the top ten.

Climbers

So, outside of the top ten, we don’t have many notable climbers other than “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia continuing to succeed, jumping eight spaces to #11. We also have the absolutely atrocious “Familiar” by Liam Payne and J Balvin up six spaces to #25. I sincerely hope this does not become a hit anytime soon.

Fallers

There’s actually not that many notable drops this week either. We do have a streak of five-spot falls for “Say Something” by Justin Timberlake featuring Chris Stapleton to #26, “Mad Love” by Sean Paul featuring Becky G and David Guetta to #29, and “Be Careful” by Cardi B to #39, as well as a six-spot fall for “Call Out My Name” by The Weeknd to #23, but the real loser here is Post Malone, who not only has the top ten drops, but an 11-position drop for “Paranoid”, now at #22.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

“Jumanji” by B Young is the only returning entry here, but in terms of dropouts, we have “Make Your Own Kind of Music” by Paloma Faith from #28, “Never Enough” by Loren Allred from #40, “Wake Me Up!” by Avicii featuring Aloe Blacc from #33, “Let Me” by ZAYN from #35 and, finally, “SAD!” by XXXTRAEDGY, from #39.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Man Down” – Shakka featuring AlunaGeorge

So to my knowledge, this has been bubbling under for a while, and I honestly can’t understand why it took this long to break into the top 40. I mean, it’s the typical dancehall percussion with some extra reverb and autotuned Cookie Monsters, with some cringeworthy lyrics from both Shakka and AlunaGeorge, who has a pretty decent performance over all the paper-cutting sounds they call “finger-snaps” and “hand-claps”. There’s some skittering trap drums and a pretty blatant sub-bass that might be too in the front of the mix, but otherwise, this is just what I’d expect from Yxng Bane or Not3s doing a song with RAYE, so honestly I think I’m disappointed when two somewhat under-the-radar artists sacrifice better music for their big hit. Ah, well.

#36 – “First Time” – M-22 featuring Medina

Medina’s softly-sung melodies are very much wasted over the thumping dance beat and repetitive piano and synth loops. The lyrics are actually reminiscent of the first time doing something, most likely sex, because of course, and I can definitely see that in Medina’s desperate enthusiasm, but the vocal drop leaves much to be desired, and the verses and hook can feel overly repetitive. However, it is just a very short, sort of lowkey song, with a few buzzing synths and a great performance from Medina, but mediocre production from M-22. Sorry that these two reviews might feel a bit on-the-fence and lifeless, but is that not ideal for these drab, middling-quality singles?

#35 – “Youth” – Shawn Mendes featuring Khalid

So, this is the latest single from Shawn Mendes’ upcoming self-titled album. This song, particularly, is about the Manchester attacks, and Shawn and Khalid’s beautifully soulful vocal performances show that, especially Khalid, both in the verses and the anthemic hook. I also love the fact that it isn’t a dreary piano ballad, that it definitely could have been; instead it’s a pump-up pop rock track with tropically-tinged guitar strumming, a steady beat and a lack of skittering trap percussion or, in fact, most recent pop clichés, which really shows that this track is from Shawn’s heart. As much as Khalid’s deep, sleepy cadence is an automatic win-me-over moment, I think Shawn’s writing is as sharp as ever, and the energy on this, once again, very short track is infectious. Props to both men on this one because this is some of the best both have put out, but it’s still not all that interesting, keeping it back from being anywhere near great – just a solid tune.

#16 – “I’ll be There” – Jess Glynne

Despite absolutely despising that absolute trainwreck of an unlistenable vocal sample that runs throughout the whole song and is never drowned out by the percussion or Jess Glynne’s borderline-yodelling, in fact, in the chorus, it just gets pitched higher, I’m thankful that this passed my expectations, simply because I thought it would have a botched sample of the Friends theme song by The Rembrandts. Thank God it doesn’t, but this is still terrible, but mostly due to that aggravating vocal sample and Jess Glynne’s yodelling nonsense. Otherwise, there’s nothing outright offensive about this, which makes it all the more unbearable.

#14 – “This is America” – Childish Gambino

Now, this was massive due to its video, and while I appreciate the video, Donald Glover as a filmmaker, comedian and musician, and to an extent, the song’s message, I really can’t gravitate to the big single itself here. The choir in the intro and throughout is easily the best part, with their joyful vocalising and hook, “we just want to party, party just for you”. However, this is where it goes downhill. The trap beat comes in and it feels like a cluttered, unfinished, unpolished mess as Gambino has some (purposefully) underwhelming rap verses, with some energetic ad-libs from BlocBoy JB, Slim Jxmmi, 21 Savage, Quavo and Young Thug, who also provides excellently smooth singing on the outro. Thugger definitely steals the show here from the simplistic, lazy bars that Gambino spits. It doesn’t matter if that’s the point or the message or whatever – it’s still a dull, half-hearted and more importantly trash pair of verses. I like the choir being drowned out by ad-libs and autotune, but as soon as it transitions to the pathetic attempt at being menacing with the sirens and the gunshot-like percussion, I tune out. The distorted autotuned screams are fantastic, and I do love the chorus and outro here, but everything else, as well as those sections themselves, have this sloppy, junky beat. As a single, this is disappointing to say the least, and it’s downright sad that Glover’s worst song since 2013 is what has set its eyes on taking the US #1 spot from Drake. If you like messy, all-over-the-place clusters of a whole bunch of song elements cheaply piled together, you’ll love it. Unfortunately, with me, that is not the case.

Conclusion

Yeah, sadly, the first Childish Gambino song I’m covering on this series, “This is America”, is getting Worst of the Week. I love this dude’s music, but, man, this is a serious misstep. Dishonourable Mention goes to “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne, but it’s pretty obvious who takes Best of the Week: Shawn Mendes and Khalid for “Youth”. Nothing here is good enough to deserve Honourable Mention, so hopefully next week can be less... horrible in its new entries. Peace.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 29th April 2018

30/4, Cactus Drive, charts are live! Charts are live!

Top 10

“One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is somehow still holding steady at #1, without a video. I mean, sure, it has a lyric video, but I refuse to believe this is really succeeding this much. I haven’t heard this song more than once or twice on the radio. I don’t think this’ll last.

We have our first massive top 10 debut, with “No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande. I’ll say for now that I’m happy this has a shot at the top, but I’ll elaborate later on.

“Nice for What” by Drake appears to have stumbled a spot from last week, now at number-three, and, sadly, I don’t really think this can rebound. There’s something about this song that really isn’t very “hit song” to me.

Nono Nono by No Nono featuring No No fortunately has backed down a space to number-four.

And so as “Paradise” by George Ezra, now down to number-five. Who really cares about that song though?

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith somehow moves up a space to number-six, off of... nothing, really. I suppose people gravitate to mediocrity.

Am I happy that “Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane has jumped a whopping 11 spaces to number-seven? No. No, I’m not. Am I mad? Nah, not really. Do I care? See above.

Our second massive debut here is “2002” by Anne-Marie, breaching the top 40 at number-eight. Sadly, this is probably one of the worst songs on her album, Speak Your Mind, but we’ll see how this goes with the album boost next week.

“The Middle” by Zedd and Grey featuring Maren Morris continues to make moves, three positions up to number-nine this week.

We also have the one-spot dip for “Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign to number-ten, which will quickly rebound next week because of the album Beerbongs & Bentleys finally being released.

Climbers

Two of last week’s debuts, “German” by EO and “Like I Do” by David Guetta, Martin Garrix and Brooks, have scaled up six and eight spots to #24 and #32 respectively. One’s trash, one’s treasure, but that’s the only notable thing about the climbers here. There’s only two notable jumps outside of the top 10, so let’s get straight to the falls.

Fallers

There was a damn massacre here with so many undeserving songs being destroyed this week. But I suppose for every “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Macklemore and Dan Caplen falling 10 spaces to #15, we have a “Let Me” by ZAYN dropping 17 spaces to #37 after the debut. Other falls include “God’s Plan” by Drake down six to #23, “Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie and “Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man both down 19 to #25 and #27 respectively (yikes!), as well as “Look Alive” by BlocBoy JB featuring Drake (bad week, huh?) down eight to #28, “Be Careful” by Cardi B down 11 to #35, “IDGAF” by Dua Lipa down 10 to #38 and “SAD!” by XXXSPECIALLYTERRIBLEPERSON down 10 to #39, hopefully dropping out next week. The song’s tolerable, but less X on the charts, the better, and I think everyone can agree with that.

Dropouts

As I said, absolute massacre: “What I Wanna” by MoStack from #34, “Sanctify” by Years & Years from #35, “All the Stars” by Kendrick Lamar and SZA from #39 and “Breathe” by Jax Jones featuring Ina Wroldsen from #27.

Nicki Minaj had a particularly bad week: “Chun-Li” from #26 and “Barbie Tingz” from #31.

The Greatest Showman as well, with “A Million Dreams” and “Never Enough” from #33 and #36.

Also, we have a very big milestone here for the UK charts – for the first time in ever, we have NO ED SHEERAN IN THE TOP 40! “Perfect” dropped out from #38, meaning Ginger Satan is no way near the charts... for this week only, I imagine, since the music video for “Happier” just dropped, to my dismay. Let’s enjoy it while we can, I suppose. There’s something else we’ll have to enjoy for this one week, but we’ll get to that in a bit... well, actually, right now.

Returning Entries

“I See You Shining” by Nines returned at #40. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s discuss the tragic death of pioneering and innovative DJ and talented EDM producer Avicii, who committed suicide at the very young age of 28. My heart goes out to his family, friends and fans, but I’ve grieved on Twitter, so right now, we just need to talk about the songs that returned this week, excluding “Hey Brother” because it barely missed the top 40.

#36 – “Levels” and #26 – “Wake Me Up!” (featuring Aloe Blacc) by Avicii

Out of these, “Levels” is definitely my favourite for its beautifully bright synth tones accompanied by neat handclaps and the burst of energy you come to expect from good EDM drops. It’s a simply fun, bouncy dance track that has been in rotation ever since it became big, known for its almost eerie vocal sample of Etta Jones that was later wasted by Flo Rida in his own hit song. No matter how somewhat creepy the isolated vocal sample can feel, the lyrics about getting a good feeling really put you in the mood for a head-bopping party jam. Then all the random synth tones appear and it gets somewhat all-over-the-place, and it’s just fantastic. Despite my preference, I still have to give props to “Wake Me Up!” here, with its vocals from soul singer Aloe Blacc and guitar from Mike Einziger of Incubus of all people, for defining Avicii’s signature folktronica sound, with that quickly-drowned out pumping guitar melody and Blacc’s great crooning over what seems like a simple folk ballad until the handclaps come in and you realise that this isn’t your typical folk song. No, this is an Avicii song, with the iconic synth line in the drop and a pulsing beat that shows how even though Avicii’s music was new, interesting, unique and different, he could still drop the bass as well as a bigger EDM producer like Calvin Harris, David Guetta or Tiesto. Both songs are some of the best modern electronica I’ve heard, and I’m pleased that Avicii’s legacy will live on via his catalogue of greatness. Rest in peace, Tim Bergling.

NEW ARRIVALS

#34 – “Familiar” – Liam Payne featuring J Balvin

As much as I can’t really be bothered with the 1D boys anymore, I’m glad this charted because otherwise, despite it being a busy week, this would have been pretty boring for me. I’ve heard all of these songs before, and I don’t really care for many of them either, so I apologise if my reviews seem rushed. I’ll admit to being a broken record, especially when half of these debuts are from J. Cole, or kiLL Edward or whatever he’s going by these days. Anyway, that doesn’t matter – what do I think of Liam’s follow-up single?

I think it’s hilariously bad. There’s this autotuned mumbling from J Balvin trading vocals with Liam Payne with his Godawfully weak falsetto over this non-descript Latin pop beat. There’s one absolutely awful moment here – J Balvin, drowned in autotune, says “brain” in harmony with Liam’s less-effected voice, so it creates an unlistenable millisecond. Then J Balvin’s rap verse, because of course, where he once again mentions “Mi Gente”, his last hit. A bit desperate there, JB? This is unbearable if you want to take it seriously, but if you don’t, this is hilariously incompetent. I’d recommend this if you want a good laugh.

#30 – “Photograph” – J. Cole

J Cole went platinum with no features, and he’ll probably do it again looking at his album’s numbers... and look, the dude’s a talented MC, he’s great at the mic, and brings some great delivery and flow to the table, but most of the time, his music, especially the production, is really boring. Like, REALLY boring. I gave his most recent album a 3/10 simply because it made me not want to hear J Cole or his pitch-shifted alter-ego speak another damn word again. Is this any different?

Nope! Probably even worse, honestly, as we start with a skittering flat trap beat under J Cole’s “singing” before he starts admittedly decently rapping, despite repeating a lot of his lines – seriously, his first verse is four bars then two shorter verses that are repeated for no reason – and going somewhat off-topic (if there ever was a topic), with a delivery that seems way too infused for such a downbeat instrumental. Even Cole’s second verse is full of rhyming words with themselves and line repetition, before he repeats the second part of his first verse... Jesus, these are the worst bars I’ve heard from this guy probably ever. For someone who is big for being lyrical, this is lazy, uninteresting and most importantly, trash! Ed Sheeran’s “Photograph” is so much better, and yes, I’m endorsing Ed again and I hate myself for it.

#28 – “ATM” – J. Cole

If Cole can copy-paste verses (and songs for that matter...), does that mean I can copy-paste reviews?

After a bunch of spoken vocals from the woman who appears a lot on this album, we have what is assumingly a sample nasally singing for half a minute, until we get to J. Cole once again repeating himself as if he were a broken Tickle-Me-Elmo, with that monotonous “count it up, count it up, count it up, count it” hook over rattling hi-hats and other trap-rap clichés, and subtly autotuned verses, until there’s a complete silence... and the beat doesn’t even change. That’s not how a beat switch either works or is supposed to impress, Cole. Typically, there’s a transition and you know, an actual production alteration. Come on, learn from Kendrick and get James Blake on the phone. I think you need him. Oh, yeah, after this beat “switch”, he also discusses abortion right before saying his Rolex is scorching, because consistency in the verse’s topics don’t exist, apparently. Once again, I get the appeal, but I don’t want to bore myself anymore. Thankfully, J. Cole debuted another track which I actually quite like.

#17 – “KOD” – J. Cole

This is the title track from his latest album, which is fitting because it encompasses what J. Cole does throughout the album – repeat himself over trap beats. However, this time, Cole repeats himself over trap beats incredibly well, with straightforward spitting and a really catchy hook that ends up just being a slightly flawed trap banger. The second verse repeating itself a lot was a bit unnecessary, and the brief racist slur was... questionable, but he definitely had good intentions there, I think. No matter what he’s doing, Cole succeeded once in this album to make a song that bumps without being boring or even having deeper subject matter. It’s just a great, fun song – the only one we’re getting from Cole this week. Oh, yeah, and the female vocals come back on the outro with kiLL Edward for some kind of weird interlude thing on the album. I’m not complaining, just questioning.

#8 – “2002” – Anne-Marie

Boring pop singer with Caribbean inflections shoehorns references from some of the 1990s’ and 2000s’ biggest pop songs (none of which came out in 2002, by the way) to write a somewhat cringeworthy chorus, with nothing else of note in the verses or instrumental. Do I really need to say anything else? I mean, there’s awkward guitar loops, trap hi-hats, ugly synth tones and fake handclaps as producer Steve Mac’s pathetic excuse for a beat, I suppose... but yeah, this is nothing more than a short interlude on a mediocre album, that probably should not have been released as a single. Like the album, the only real comment I have on this is that it exists, and my life would not change if it didn’t.

#2 – “No Tears Left to Cry” – Ariana Grande

The lyrics here are pretty vague, and I’m not really a fan of the initial effects on her voice, but yeah, this picks up with a funky synth melody and a fast seemingly ‘90s dance-influenced drum pattern, while Grande doesn’t bother enunciating yet somehow still performs fantastically, even on the hook which has much less variation from the verses for my taste, yet is still decent, and the choruses after the first definitely try to improve that with some extra synth noise, but for now, I think I’ll continue to like this for pretty much no reason other than how great the instrumental is on the verse and how much I love Grande’s vocal performance here. I’m indifferent otherwise, and I have no real comment on this. It’s still good, though, I’m not sure entirely what to think of it or its longevity. Sorry for this review being a bit scattered but I’m kind of conflicted here. In fact, I’m sort of confused. Let’s just say that this is decent and move on before I get an aneurysm.

Conclusion

I really want to give Avicii Best of the Week and Honourable Mention, but that’s not how this show works so I guess it goes to J. Cole for “KOD”, with Honourable Mention going to Ariana Grande’s “No Tears Left to Cry”. The Dishonourable Mention is probably “Familiar” by Liam Payne and J Balvin, which is entertaining in its lack of quality enough for me to rank it above the Worst of the Week, “Photograph” by J. Cole. What do I predict? Hopefully Janelle Monáe, probably Post Malone. Hopefully Green Day fans can get “American Idiot” to return in time for Trump’s UK visit, probably they’ll fail miserably. We’ll see next week. Goodbye!