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cosmossystem · 5 months ago

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theres.. gatekeeping in the objectum community?? HUH?????? why do all the weirdo communities have infighting(?) like alterhumans/therians too over physical nonhumans and such, like DUDE can we just be nice please. also is it just me or do dnis just seem kinda,, sucky. like they dont do anything and i feel like if someone has moral ocd or something that might not.. be good 4 them? (i dont have ocd or know anyone who does but from what ive heard, i may be wrong so correct me if so) curious ur opinion :3

Oh yes, do i have an opinion!

yeah, there is gatekeeping, if you can believe it. i figured the Last place that would have infighting is the place where freaks post about wanting to fuck an AMD Radeon RX 580 8GB Sapphire Nitro+ Special Edition (rightfully so, that thing is attractive).

wait until you see what they say about being "REALLY objectum and not like those Other Fakers who wouldn't Actually fuck their object of attraction" -- a barf mentality to have. especially because there seems to be the idea that all objectums are posic or even capable of loving their OoA period--i'm not posic (it's complicated, ask about it) and conceptum people exist! the superiority complex is just.......................... wow.

really i don't get it either. if you try to explain to a "normal" person that you think Objecthead is Hot they're going to look at you with the most disgust and disdain they can muster. when society can't even handle a furry of all things, i highly doubt they can handle more obscure freaks like toaster-fuckers or god forbid, People Who Think Vox (Hazbin Hotel) Is Hot. mind you this is the same society that went insane over people wanting to fuck bill cipher or mettaton's box form or SANS THE SKELETON (i was that kind of person, i should know how they treated us.)

and i guess it is kind of different when you're speaking about fictional characters vs Actual real life objects. but like... do you think the disgust is any different? do you think they care if you want to fuck sans, or Foxy Fnaf 1, or edgar electric dreams, or an anthro rabbit, or an mlp plush, or an inflatable doll, or my boyfriend the AT&T Unix PC (1985)? it comes from the same place: perceived sexual deviance. also see homophobia and anti-kink arguments, etc. you get it.

if you're noticing parallels between the infighting in these communities (objectum, self-ship, kinmunities) and with what other minorities go through, such as the Ace Discourse of 2018, or the whole pan exclusionism making its waves again, or the current hot topic "are intersex people queer" thing, or the existence of "cripplepunks"... yeah. that's exactly it. It's all the same argument over and over again. take it from someone who's been surrounded by it for an entire fucking decade. Cishet purtian society has instilled those problems in us. Again, see: same picture. it's kinda why i left system & kin spaces in the first place, honestly. to see that it's STILL HERE is just.... makes me want to die again.

i could go on about how that behavior stems from wanting to protect their spaces, and also from a sense of superiority because these outsiders cannot Possibly Image what it's like to be xyz (especially when it comes to white people who are just experiencing oppression for the first time--from experience, again, that's something i had to unlearn) but... you get it. These people have lost the plot and want a reason to argue with everyone.

And i'm tired. If you're a freak, you're a freak, and that's good enough for me. really we all experience the same things, we should just kiss.

and as for the second point: yes. you're right. dnis are sucky especially if you have moral ocd. now i don't struggle with moral ocd as much these days but back in the days of yore when we were at peak ocd-"bpd" (avpd) badness, it was gruesome.

red in particular was the one to make us fully switch over from anti-ship to "do whatever you want" and that's because he was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts *and* exotrauma. he was already going through all that, trying to process and realize that his thoughts didn't make him a bad person, and you know what made it worse? the whole "FREAKS DNI I WILL KILL YOU WITH A CHAINSAW" thing. imagine trying to realize that your trauma response doesn't make you hilter reincarnate and then having people yelling down your throat that It Does, Actually.

it isn't bad enough that ppl with ocd already obsess over thoughts being equal to actions, and they want to REAFFIRM THAT??? you know, the thing EVERY therapist tells you NOT TO DO?

our ocd back then was so terrible. it was like "you remember that rape that happened to you? ok so now imagine if you were actually satan for wanting it to happen again bc you are btw. you should cut everyone off because of this, clearly you don't deserve humanity." it still lingers around really, just looks different.

i can't imagine what it's like for someone with it worse than us. i've seen a lot of them talk about how if they can't prove that it is Absolutely 100% Ok To Do Something then they just suffer and don't do it-- which is a general ocd thing, yes (i do that with my fire obsessions) but in the context of social media? where you basically cannot prevent interaction with people who want to burn you at the stake? Eughhhhhhh. le sigh. i don't wish this pain on anyone.

I was actually going to make a post about this (still am) but you've reminded me: from what i can tell from trying to look for objectum blogs to follow, there is a REALLY big overlap between antishippers and objectums? ... WHY?????? Oh, like you're better for wanting to fuck the concept of melancholy, and i'm Evil for my aforementioned FAKE cousinfuckers? Excuse me? bitch we are the same!!!!!!! get a grip!!!!!! why do you tell ME to go to therapy? yours aint real either! i can only laugh, really. that's how stupid it is.

side tangent here (this whole post is) but even without ocd it's like... you know that won't stop anyone, right? i can just. follow your blog. you probably won't even notice. Shit, i check our followers constantly and absolutely notice when someone breaks my (or their own!) dni and half the time i just let them be unless they're a total cunt about it. Anti wants to follow me? Hey, don't say i didn't warn you when i post about my favorite cousinfuckers. that's a you problem! you should read better!

i get the convenience of saying "don't follow me if you disagree because i'm trying to prevent drama", but most of the time they don't do that.

moreso i think dnis are supposed to be some Grand Declaration Of Morality. like ew no i would never support those things! so i'm going to Do A Performative, and put the onus on the Big Bad People to not follow me. because i believe in them enough to follow my boundaries!........ right. like a terf/pedo/exclusionist has ever listened to the word "no" before. being in places they don't belong is like, the primary purpose of those people.

but mostly it's a warning. Then they can say that when I, Big Bad Proshipper, follow them by mistake, they can use that as an excuse to post about me and publicly execute me in the Town Square- i mean to their followers.

it's an excuse. that's all it is. an excuse to be like "this is what i support/don't support and if you don't agree with me, oops! i get full reign to cyberbully you." a warning that it will happen, and an excuse for when it does.

I have to wonder how these people deal with community members in real life. I was talking to some people who share my interests irl recently and in the back of my head was the little voice saying, they probably hate me for being into darkfic / objectum / neopronouns / plural / etc. That's how deeply it runs. ughhhh.

Without having a pre-emptive warning to read before talking to someone, you have to actually *try*, and i think that's something these reactionaries both take for granted and uh... aren't too concerned about? which they should be. Like how are you going to deal with getting to know someone only to find out that in their spare time, they get horny for fictional robots? are you going to be normal? or are you going to make it their problem instead? Are you capable of being normal to people? If you got to know me, would you act like the fascists who want us both dead? I hope not. I wish i didn't have to worry about people finding out that i'm objectum / plural / darkfic / etc. I wish that was ok to talk about.

really i don't think dnis help anyone and just perpetrate the idea of being a reactionary. That's all.

Anyway. thanks for the ask. i was having a shit morning so being able to bitch for a while made me feel better. Feel free to let me bitch again.

-cass

#💙 cass #asks #uhhhh ask to tag i guess there's a lot going on here #objectum #since that's relevant

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patchdotexe · 2 years ago

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doip. / 5.24.23: the woodland manse

TIME FOR DOIP! it's been a few months so: welcome to dragon of icespire peak, the d&d campaign jorb is running with me, nyx v4shthestampede, and green bahamutgreen! starring the bullheaded dragonborn fighter Alidaar, the nameless halfling druid that's usually a binturong, and the new arrival (and walking disaster of a lizardfolk) hoping for treasure, Kepesk! together we're gonna fight a really angry dragon, but first there's a lot of problems in the world we need to tackle before we have any hope or surviving.

leo: [joins call] good news, i found my dice! jorb: [plays the anime "WOW!" sound on the soundboard]

Redesign Your Alidaar, We Know What We're Doing

LAST TIME, ON DRAGON OF ICESPIRE PEAK: Our heroes, having said goodbye to their friend Tobias, made their way to the Dragon Barrow. There, they met a new but unexpected ally: a lizardfolk by the name of Kepesk. The three braved the barrow together, and after some close calls, claimed the Dragonslayer sword within. Outside, they met a hobgoblin named Toblin Bloodsword, leading them through Neverwinter wood. oh fuck ive lost behind. WILL OUR HEROES BE ABLE TO CLEAR THE MANCE AND CLAIM THEIR REWARD? OR WILL THE CACOLYTES TAKE THEM BY STORM? FIND OUT………. TODAY!

i'm really good at what i do.

kepesk: wow it feels like we slept a month or two or something alidaar: more like four!

nyx: didn't we gaslight toblerone? […] leo: what's his actual name again, jorb: targor! leo, sobbing: WHY DID I THINK HIS NAME WAS TOBLIN?!

alidaar: i cartwheel over. nyx: what?? alidaar: i cartwheel over! nyx: well i was gonna ride on your shoulder or something, but i guess you're cartwheeling?? jorb: you heard the man! green: kepesk follows tripping over everything jorb: targor walks over doing a handstand or something. i dunno

good morning, falcon is here! also breakfast is here! let's goooo alidaar: good morning, motherfuckers! ..i dont say that part. OH NAMELESS HAS A NEW TOKEN, CUTE

……..huh. nameless sure is red suddenly. And This Sure Is An Overnight Change, Huh

falcon: would you mind terribly if corwin and pell dined with us this morning? alidaar: sure, why not? kepesk: [NOISE]

I FORGOT WE DUPED THE SHIT OUT OF TARGOR. targor is now aware that nameless just Does That (become a man)

jorb: [describing dinner] there's a couple of fish as well. nyx: alive. jorb: NOT ALIVE

falcon gives us a map! nyx: i am looking, i m looking with my eyes, i put my eyes on it, leo: nameless puts his face on the map. jorb, concerned: ..make a perception check? nyx: i swear im normal. [rolls a 17] jorb: this is a nice parchment!

nameless throws the map to kepesk. kepesk uses it as a napkin and then realizes its a map. falcon: i suspect i'm going to have new stories to tell after this. alidaar: you don't know the half of it. kepesk: about who :D?

nyx: i desperately want to talk to targor and tell him we're not usually like this leo: but that would be a lie :D nyx: that would be a lie.

jorb: [attempting to figure out why we can't see zodiark's name] leo: i can edit the horse. nyx: you can edit the horse???

falcon: try not to die. alidaar: it'll be hard as hell to kill us, don't you worry. :D jorb: and with that, you guys head off! nyx: ……..where am i going? jorb: YOU GUYS HAVE A MAP.

oh it's spelled manse. woodland manse. nyx: [rolls a 22 on survival] jorb: [..] you make some updates to the map as you go. leo: your map sucks ass, we improved it nyx: i'm grimacing as i hold it because it's still a bit greasy

OH SHIT THE SENDING STONE IS GLOWING OMG TOBIAS !! RAT BOYYYYY awww he misses us ;w; (and is craving cheese.) jorb: do you want to respond? you have 25 words. nyx and leo: OH GOD WHY ARE YOU MAKING US DO MATH his message is 25 words exactly. this guy. nyx: my response is two words: stay safe. kepesk: why are you guys talking to a rock? alidaar: [deadpan] sometimes rocks are magic. kepesk:

jorb: [..] you come across a clearing. nyx: why is there a boar in the bushes? green: is that a world of warcraft boar? jorb: yeah

jorb: so, what will you do? nyx: does targor have anything to say about this? jorb: oh. right. targor should say things.

OH GOD THERE'S TWO OF THEM (PARTY MEMBERS THAT'RE GOLD-MOTIVATED) NOW

jorb: do you have the ability to move targor, by the way? leo: no. i was gonna send him to the moon to test nyx: send variable to the moon. jorb: okay, try it now leo: [launches targor across the map] YEET nyx: OH GOD

jorb: there is not another identical mansion. nyx: sad. jorb: sad! leo: sad! nyx: sad! jorb: sad!

I HAVE DIED. SADLY.

leo: are the boars doing anything? jorb: uh, no, they're just grazing in the pumpkin patch. nyx: are they eating the actual pumpkins, or the leaves, or..? jorb: do they eat pumpkins? probably the leaves. leo: [googling] do boars eat pumpkins..

kepesk is leaving zodiark outside to graze on the pumpkins.

green: i can't believe i'm only asking this now and it's not my notes.. WHY did we come here??? (it's ok green i also didn't put that in my notes. anyway we're here to wipe out followers of talos and maybe get cool boots)

jorb: [describing a room] alidaar: i wanna get a look at those figures on the fireplace. jorb: it's weird- one of them looks like a binturong. one of them looks like YOU. and.. one of them looks like tobias. leo: WHAT? UM. OK . CREEPY MANSION HAS WEIRD WOODEN FIGURES OF THE ORIGINAL PARTY????? HOLY SHIT???

leo: oh my god the tokens,,, jorb: yeah i tried to get an ai to make [the tokens] into wood, it.. leo: it looks like it melted alidaar. jorb: ..had mixed results EVERYONE IS FIALING SO BAD AT INVESTIGATING THE REST OF THE ROOM BECAUSE THEY'RE DISTRACTED BY THE WEIRD CARVINGS

kepesk: i don't care about art.

jorb: -oh hey this is pretty neat actually

targor: what are you guys looking at? alidaar: hey targor, have you ever heard of wood? targor: targor: i'm.. familiar.

green: i feel like ive been so aggressive to him, i have no beef with targor. jorb: with TOBLIN, on the other hand,

leo: kepesk wants a carving of himself SO BAD jorb: they're not carvings, they're like.. 3d figures made of sticks. green: ohhh! that's even creepier. nyx: it's like that one movie. [pause] jorb: henry stickmin.

nyx: it looks like a pantry gone wrong. kepesk: is there ANYTHING of value in this place?! jorb: do you want to make an investigation check? leo: --all of my player instincts are yelling at me to start setting fire to this place. KEPESK NO DON'T EAT THE TOXIC SLUTCH leo: do we have cure poison on deck?? kepesk: do you guys want some? alidaar: [full-body recoils] nameless: [walks away] kepesk: ..i was just joking! :D ;;

courtyard has weird vines growing out of the well! thats probably an issue kepesk: i wonder if these vines would go well with food-sludge. nameless pokes the vines and they move. Hm! Bad! Time To Be Elsewhere

jorb: ..and you hear muffled talking. [dramatic music sting] leo: whoa, music change! jorb: the music didn't change, it just did that.

UH OH nyx alerted the guys on the floor above us! Problems!

jorb: if everybody could roll initiative for me! nyx: are we jumping through the hole in the ceiling?? leo: you bet your ass! targor rolled a 15 on his initiative! green: whoa! go off king! jorb: he's full of blood! leo: i think most people are.

jorb: [editing turn order so we can't see our opponents' rolls] you saw nothing. leo: i saw nothing but a 5 jorb: 5! green: 5! jorb: 4. green: 3. jorb: 2-- leo: [plays "E" with reverb on the soundboard] leo: did you know E is the 5th letter of the alphabet? :D

SOMEBODY THREW A DFUCKING JAVELIN AT US???? jorb: what would you like targor to do? green: targor! kill!

up against a human, an orc, and a half-orc! jorb: [stage whisper] they were all orcs in the original module, but i added some divesrsty hires! update: jorb misread the encounter so the javelin has been un-thrown and nameless has been un-mutilated

PEPPER WANTS M CHEEZITS SO SO SO SO SO BAD

KEPESK IS NOW RAGING OH SHIT KEPESK'S NEW RAGE IS COOL AS HELL he's got a cool stormcloud mask thing !! yoooo kepesk is WRECKING shit this RULES I AM ALSO NOW WRECKING SHIT. alidaar can now attack twice with his main weapon and once with his offhand! so he just. absolutely slaughters the ones kepesk didn't. also i have two breath weapons now! I CAN FUS RO DAH PEOPLE i should probably not fus ro dah people oh my god targor has a fucking. magic bloodsword. that's why they call him targor bloodsword ig hmm. nameless keeps using radiant damage now. i don't think that's what they usually do but i could be wrong. but also there has been no thorn whip silliness so far

jorb: i'm not even gonna make you roll, because he has 1 hp. [..] how do you want to do this? green: there's nothing that can go wrong with straight up cutting a guy in half anime style jorb: he goes "huh, that didn't do anything--" leo: he explodes. jorb: [explosion soundboard]

so anyway we just completely demolished that encounter in, like, one and a half rounds. goodbye fuckers

after a bathroom break: jorb: there, can you see it now?

leo: [SOUND] green: final boss: the go piss girl.

jorb: it is dark in here - do you have darkvision? green: i have swimming! [..] leo: do you want me to come over here? i have darkvision jorb: i retconned- i kept waffling on if you have darkvision or not.. leo: [checks character sheet] ah! i no longer have darkvision. (jorb gave alidaar nightvision before but the dragonborn update happened so now some of the variants have darkvision and alidaar's variant Does Not. ah well)

HOO BOY the dark room contains A Guy doing a. weird ritual? surrounded by weird twig creatures! that look kinda like the weird ones on the mantle! jorb: kepesk, you know what these are. [..] these are twigblights! green: YOO, ITS HENRY STICKMIN! leo: YOOOO green: YOOOO ITS HENRY STICKMIN LEADER OF THE TOPPAT CLAN leo: there's one for each route! :D

kepesk: hey do you think itd be funny if i went up and bit him? OH MY GOD SHE ROLLED A 20 STEALTH . OH MY GOD THATS A 27??? THAT'S A NAT 19 TO HIT. JESUS CHRIST kepesk: haha! you don't taste very good! [<- green described as "in his shittiest sonic voice"]

green: okay maybe i should roll for initiative

green: MAYBE I SHOULDN'T ROLL FOR INITIATIVE, DAMN,

horc enemy is SHOOTING LIGHTNING AT US???? WUH OH . OH GOD I HAVE BEEN KNOCKED DOWN TO 15 HP. AAUGH fun thing about the dragonborn rework: i can now replace one of my attacks with my breath weapon! i also now have Two Breath Weapons! and Two Attacks! and also an offhand attack! anyway i just Obliterated the stickmen except for one, then used my brand new fus ro dah repulsion breath to send the big bad flying into the wall and knock him prone. and then ran up and used my offhand to smack the final stickman into the ceiling. GET FUCKED LOL

nyx: im gonna walk up to alidaar and use.. uh… fuckin.. bitches! (nameless used cure wounds)

kepesk saunters up to The Guy and just. OH MY GOD GREEN ROLLED A CRIT? green: he's on the floor and i'm just [smacking noises] jorb: stabbity stab! leo: [plays "punch" sound effect A Lot]

HM. the guy backed up into a different corner and casted.. some sort of spell that didn't have a visible effect? time for nameless to roll arcana! jorb: in the words of himiko from danganronpa 3… "~it's magic~!" :D

alidaar: okay, im gonna just run straight at him and start going ham jorb: I NEVER ROLLED INITIATIVE FOR TARGOR!!!!! anyway alidaar just obliterated that guy with a dragonslayer crit. unfortunately it sounds like he was trying to do an evil last words monologue before getting beheaded. oops!

targor: sorry i'm la GREEN GOT DMCA'D ON TWITTER????? FOR VENOM GANGNAM STYLE??????????? IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIGHT???????????????????????????

uh. targor: ..why are there a bunch of frozen sticks on the ground? alidaar, covered in blood: oh y'know. occupational hazard.

WOAGH ok now that we're out of battle, nameless has rolled again for arcana and got a nat20! HM. THE GUY APPEARS TO HAVE CAST SENDING. green: i guess we shouldn't… stick around! :D

alidaar found some dust of disappearance :o and now we're going upstairs! leo: where's.. i nearly called him torbjorn. We Keep Forgetting Targor

jorb: you find a hidden door! [zelda jingle] alidaar: wow! just like in the murder of sonic the hedgehog! green: YEAAA i hope there's a milf at the end of this! (jorb: falcon could be a milf.)

time to do another round of investigating/perceiving! leo: i'm going to perceive it. jorb: [some joke abt apollo justice's bracelet i forgot] green: YEA!! leo: [rolls a 8] jorb: you don't have a bracelet, so it doesn't work leo: i start crying. [..] green: perception! just like my hero apollo justice! [rolls a 16] IMFINE! jorb: you are So fine that you find [..] a wooden staff!

Time For Nameless To Want Shiny Item jorb: they way their pupils are dilating.. you don't think they're gonna give it back. kepesk: are you gonna eat it????? [..] nameless: i give alidaar puppydog eyes. leo: what do i roll to defend against puppydog eyes? jorb: make a wisdom saving throw. leo: 10! nyx: [rolls a nat20 persuasion] leo: AH NO jorb: you can't say no to the puppydog eyes!

leo: i should start throwing targor around like a sack of potatoes like i did to tobias, that'd be funny

A BUNCH OF LITTLE NASTY BOYS ARE HERE nyx rolled a crit initiative what the FUCK my man i rolled 13.12 on my initiative! acab The Groupchat Gets Distracted Talking About Subspace Emissary nyx is going ham with the staff while i google what subspace enemy jorb and green were comparing the nasty boys to (it was an armight) nyx is Struggling to roll a d8

alidaar stuck his head through the door and used his breath weapon to Obliterate the encounter! and also freeze nameless a little bit. sorry </3 leo: how confident are you in your ability to roll above a 13 [for dexterity] nyx: i have a +1 to dexterity but do what you will leo: are you prepared to face the consequences of my actions?

kepesk has found a bathroom green: sounds boring. jorb: you dont wanna take a bath? stinky! stinkyyyy! green: --just gotta go stinky mode. jorb: smely!!!

OH GODDAMNIT MY MIC STOPPED PICKING ME UP AT SOME POINT. BIG EFF minor pause to reread my notes from Two Years Ago from when we checked the loggers camp! my notes for that session were terrible leo: [reading out notes] "hm. wonder how donjon's doing." jorb: [laughing] BAD.

Delicious Sludge! (kepesk keeps trying to eat weird things. like soot.) leo: alidaar starts jogging around. like a white dad jorb: there is a wardrobe here. leo: [squeaky] JUST LIKE THE MURDER OF SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! CLOAK OF BILLOWIIIIIIIIING kepesk is All Over this locked chest awww yeah. AH FUCK HE GAVE HIS THIEVES TOOLS TO CARROWAY IN HIS BACKSTORY CAMPAIGN its ok nameless has a crowbar nameless rolled a nat1. kepesk Also struggles with the crowbar. alidaar walks in and starts fucking Wailing on it with his morningstar green: if this thing's a mimic this would be so messed up NAMELESS KICKED IT AND GOT A CRIT jorb: how does one get a crit on an unarmed strike?? the answer is "not very well". nameless then stubbed their toe YAHOO KEPESK CAME IN SWINGING WITH A 2HANDED WARHAMMER AND SMASHED THE CHEST god this was a mess jorb: it's a flat iron rod with a button on one end. leo: it's a Gun. OH MY GOD IT'S AN IMMOVABLE ROD you push the button and it just Freezes in place and cannot be moved! kepesk tries to put it in his pocket and forgot to unpress the button. i love kepesk green: imagine if you put it in your pocket and you buttpress the button

YEAAA ALIDAAR GETS THE CLOAK OF BILLOWING time to go back downstairs! alidaar steps on a staircase and it immediately collapses. whoops alidaar takes one last look at the weird figurines and considers taking his, but decides against it and walks out. also we may have started boar religion or something? meanwhile nameless grabs the tobias one and OOPS! COMBAT! THEYRE ALIVE! nyx: i use sacred flame. jorb: on which one? nyx: the.. binturong one. leo: nameless said no doubles.

alidaar is Really Sad about having to fight the twigblight of himself :( nyx wants to save the tobias one :( :( TWIGBIAS twigbias does 5 damage to nyx's discord and makes it so he can't hear anything kepesk sees what's happening and decides to stay out of it. targor: what's going on in there? [extended silence] AW NOOOO nameless tried to dispel magic but it didnt work.. WHY DOES NAMELESS HAVE A 25 POUND CHEST????? alidaar tries to shove twigbias in the chest. he drops the chest on his foot (nat1). good lord jorb: targor walks in and says "give me that" and grabs the chest off alidaar's toe.. [rolls a 3] ..and he drops it on HIS toe EVERYTHING HAS GONE SO FAR OFF THE RAILS Alidaar And Nameless Try To Shove Twigbias Into A Chest kepesk walks up. grabs twigbias. shoves him in. WE DID IT

OH MY GOD ONE OF THE BOARS IS A DUDE OH MY GOD. MORE INITIATIVE. WHAT IS HAPPENING. THE BOARS ARE MEN kepesk: you guys were eating with my horse this whole time?? okay so. earlier the boar religion comment was because when i was looking at the twigblight party jorb mentioned how we encountered a boar Ages ago and tobias used speak with animals to tell it to go away? and now we walk out of the manse and one of the boars goes YOU SHALL NOT PASS and turns into a dude. and now there are more dudes. and basically i think we have caused problems alidaar: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? [awkward silence] nyx: is he not gonna say anything? jorb: well, its not his turn, alidaar promptly charges at the pumpkin boar and slaps it clean in half okay cool the guy is a talos fanatic and is not gonna listen to me anyway. ah well it was worth a shot

one of the nettleblights(?) - oh yeah those guys are here too. big versions of the thornblights. one of them attacked zodiark so nameless blew it up talos, lord of boars, i walked away to get cake and when i came back it still wasnt my turn yet jorb: 30 to 40 feral hogs green: i thought [zodiark] would be really strong because he's a skeleton, but i was using mario logic, nameless: im gonna use sacred flame on.. the bitch! that is up my ass.

leo: hi im back whats up jorb: you're about to get owned! leo: oh. okay [thunderwave cave from pmd playing as alidaar gets electrocuted] LETS GIVE IT UP FOR ROUND 3 alidaar is covered in blood and he loves it. he's a fightboy! jorb: he was a gladiator! not willingly, but, leo: eh you have fun with it alidaar smacks a guy with a sword and then sticks his tongue out at him. >:P

alidaar is getting electrocuted again! leo: HOOH sorry there was a bug on my screen [right next to alidaar] jorb: you take 8 thunder damage irl [..] jorb: aw, i was trying to make it so he'd push you through the window leo: can i go through the window anyway? jorb: i mean, on your turn, if you want to,

GIANT'S MIIIIIGHT [super mushroom noise] alidaar supersizes, charges head-on at the final enemy (which is the one that tried to push me through a window), and uses his battleax to slap him straight into the sky and obliterate him on impact. alidaar: FUCK YOUUUUU leo: --and then he goes back to normal because combat ended. [checks skills] wait no this last one minute. and that was six seconds. um. jorb: you're large now! leo: alidaar stands there and goes "huh. i'm large now."

back to falcon's house! nameless brought back one of the boars for dinner :D nameless is having a normal experience with reality. what the fuck is happening. Kepesk And Alidaar Get One Boot Each targor is leaving! kepesk: aw, targor, but you're so based! nyx: don't speak those witch's words at him. I FORGOT KEPESK'S PRE-CAMPAIGN GROUP - IM GOING TO KILL JORB .RIGHT NOW kepesk's previous group was expies of the chaotix. targor was planned from the getgo to be mighty the armadillo. WAIT THE WILDERS ARE THE ONES THAT KILLED HIS PEOPLE. WE HAVE GASLIT HIM UNTIL THE VERY END green: i feel so bad, but yknow.. extenuating circumstances.. jorb: why does it keep spawning more namelesses? nyx: i shape back into binturong form. which hopefully there is only one of. AN INVISIBLE NAMELESS

jorb: do you guys wanna chat or are you just going to sleep? kepesk: so that was pretty fucked up, right? alidaar: yeah! kepesk: (at nameless) does it hurt when you go binturong mode, or? nameless: [shakes head] alidaar: sometimes they're a dog! --WAIT YOU WERE THERE FOR DOG WITH A SWORD kepesk: I WAS! :D

SOMETHING IS BREAKING INTO THE HUNTER'S LODGE AAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD. BIG BOAR BIG BOAR BIG BOAR

AAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

...and that's the end of the session! CLIFF HANGERRRRRRR

we still have twigbias btw.

#leo chirps #ica.txt #doip.#dnd #mdnl #WHAT A GLORIOUS CHAOTIC RETURN.#the twigbias scene took So Long. it was like 10 minutes of chaos. poor jorb

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turneverybodyintopuppets · 4 years ago

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Hi. The following is my attempt to systematically hash out the “Mr. Infodump” controversy in the TS fandom. It’s primarily for my benefit, but I’m posting it on the off chance it helps someone else who’s just as confused/dismayed as I was. I’m not attempting to argue for blind absolution (”Thomas is an angel who can do no wrong!”) or cancellation (“He’s no better than the likes of J.K. Rowling!”), just to present as intellectually honest an assessment as I can make of what happened and the degree to which the TS team is responsible.

Laconic: Thomas Sanders, a content creator on youtube, posted a skit in which a character calls an aspie-coded character “Mr. Infodump”. Several fans have expressed hurt and anger over the use of a trait associated with neurodivergence as an insult.

My own initial impression: I’m on the autism spectrum myself, and personally, “Mr. Infodump” didn’t register as offensive to me; in fact, as a huge Logan kinnie, I liked that a neurodiverse trait I see in myself was being explicitly linked to my favorite character. That said, there are many in the community who feel deeply hurt and betrayed, and it would be a) irresponsible and b) close-minded to handwave their concerns. Thus:

[Abridged version: Bolded]

Context for use of the word:

Line from Roman: “I was going for regal sophistication [in last commercial pitch], but Mr. Infodump over here [*gestures to Logan*] wasn’t cooperating.” Defensive tone, alluding to the fact that Logan’s commercial pitch included excessive product information that would leave buyers disengaged.

History: Roman regularly invents nicknames for fellow sides and employs them in a manner that can range from fond teasing to a juvenile way of insulting the side he’s presently bickering with.

Names previously directed at Logan include “Calculator watch,” “Egghead,” and “No-Funsen Honeydew… Doo.” They generally play off of Logan’s tendency toward being uptight, stereotypically nerdy, and eager to furnish the group with information in the capacity of a teacher.

In this particular instance, I doubt anyone would say the word’s use was “malicious,” but it wasn’t “affectionate” either. Roman is visibly preoccupied and defensive in the scene, throwing out a nickname offhand.

Power Dynamic: There is no imbalance of power between Logan and Roman that would indicate anything resembling a bully-victim relationship. Logan responds to the word in the same manner he does Roman’s other antics and displays no particularly hurt reaction.

In-Universe Response: No character corrects or condemns Roman’s use of the term. This may, however, be because Logan is the first to respond, armed with his own complaints about the others’ commercials.

Meta-Level Implications: The audience is not encouraged to agree with Roman’s sentiment that infodumping is a negative trait anymore than they are his other commentary on Logan via nicknames like “Egghead,” because Logan’s role in the story consistently proves it wrong; all that infodumping saved an unconscious Roman from his murder-happy brother, for one, and the audience knows it. Given the posturing and defensiveness that accompany Roman’s delivery of the line, it’s clear the creators were communicating that he was in the wrong to say it. That, and Logan will almost certainly reinforce this by verbally decimating someone in the next episode, as per usual.

I think that last point is key. People will accuse others of infodumping in a negative way IRL—I know I’ve been called far worse for failing to mask—and to pretend that such things don’t exist in fiction is misrepresenting reality. Instead, creators can and should include minority characters (race, sexuality, gender, neuroatypicality, etc.) *confronting* discrimination, dealing with it complexly, and showing both the misguided character and the audience how wrong they are. Logan resonates with me—and other aspies, I think—largely because of how he clearly struggles in dealing with the other sides’ occasional criticism of his eccentricities, but he ultimately remains committed to his identity and ideals. If the TS crew continues to write a show that reinforces the fact that his neurodivergent qualities are what make him strong—and god knows there's not much media that does this well—, they’re doing something incredibly important for us.

The issue here, then, wasn’t the show promoting ableism as a message, because its handling of the conversation here doesn’t. Rather, it was the use of a term that many consider inherently ableist as an insult. So:

“Infodump” the word:

I find this fascinating, actually—Science is discovered. Math is discovered**. Language? Language is unequivocally invented. We’ve create these words with combinations of mouth-sounds, and we’ve assigned them meaning.

But the thing is, people have different backgrounds and experiences that define both who they are and the nuances of the meaning they tie to those mouth-sounds

Basic example of varied mental prototypes: I live in the northeast USA, so when I hear the word “bird,” the first thing that pops into my head is a bluejay or robin. If you ask my friend who’s studying in Brazil, though, he’d likely think of a macaw or toucan.

For me, “spring” = my mom’s pink zinnia garden and “chocolate” = a square of hershey melting against gooey marshmallow. This idea of memories and experience informing word-meaning mapping, of course, extends to a) more nuanced concepts and b) a more subconscious level of understanding. Poetry in particular, I think, tends to play with this to invoke the sensory experiences it does... I could infodump about translated poetry but that’s a whoooollleee other thing and I’m getting off track.

But essentially, an individual’s experience of any given word, to a degree, is subjective. Our dictionary definitions are merely approximations of a collective understanding of that mouthsound-to-meaning mapping, and we have to update those definitions as language evolves (remember when “Google” couldn’t be used as a verb?)

So, what happens if I look up “infodumping”? TVTropes tells me it’s a “type of exposition that’s particularly long and wordy”. UrbanDictionary says its “used to deposit large amounts (usually entire articles) of information in online forums without summarizing or paraphrasing the information.” I reach the resources that explain it in the context of autism and ADHD over halfway down the Google results. The word “infodumping” has quite a few circulating meanings, and the one associated with neurodivergence isn’t as visible as we’d like it to be.

From what I understand, Thomas Sanders and co. merely knew “infodumping” as the practice of talking at length about a subject, like closing a rant with a friendly “aw, sorry for infodumping on ya” and such. This was exactly how Logan opens his commercial, so they stuck it in as a—frankly, kinda feeble—nickname á la the creative genius behind “Mr. Smarty... Pants”. They had no knowledge of the term’s gravity to the autism and ADHD community, because they haven’t been exposed to settings that use that definition.

So, where does that leave us on accountability? If they’re ultimately not producing ableist content, do Thomas Sanders and his team have the responsibility to be aware of how an insult featuring this particular word might be inherently triggering to a community?

Many accounts show that the inclusion of the term caused real emotional harm and as content creators—particularly ones with a relatively young fanbase—the TS team should have taken more precautions. A more diverse staff/writing room may have caught this, given how egregious some fanders found the error. Furthermore, why shouldn’t it fall on neurotypical people in general to “educate themselves” on these issues, as in the cases of other minority groups?

That said, however, can any creative team be reasonably expected to know of any-and-all potentially triggering content? I’ve avoided speaking of Thomas Sanders’ personal character to maintain some impartiality, but a long history of promoting representation and careful content warnings does suggest a genuine commitment to self-correcting. Accepting the well-intentioned criticism of fanders—many of whom are so broken up by this precisely because of the amount of faith they place in the TS team—and taking active steps to change is ultimately the best course of action, and I, for one, will be sticking around to see the results.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #neurodiverse character #infodumping about infodumping #wow ive really peaked huh #ts logan #ts critical #ts criticism #ts discourse #sanders sides discourse

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lavendernhoney · 5 years ago

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You know what I do think Catra’s arc was rushed but I feel like they had time for either a zuko level redemption arc or the romance arc and I have no problem with the choices they made

#she ra spoilers #she ra season 5 #catra #adora #catradora #I CANT BELIEVE THEY KISSED THE IM SOBBING #bless these adorvale lesbians #ive been like #adoras such an obvious lesbian #she loves girls #and wow she really does huh #fuck me my brains broke from this #lesbianism peaked today

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corysmiles · 4 years ago

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Friendly Giant AU Part 3:

This is probably the last actually written out part for a while but I’ll still post drabbles and headcannons about it, also any asks or headcannons about it are good too :]

cw/language

————————————————————-

Tubbo woke up with a heavy weight against his back. His eyes slowly cracked open but only darkness greeted him.

The soft surface he was laying on shifted up and down rhythmically like it was trying to rock him back to sleep.

Oh yeah, it was the giant.

Tubbo pushed himself onto his arms to look up at the giant creature. His large fluffy ears twitched in his sleep as he took large slow breaths revealing ginormous teeth. Tubbo knew he should be scared, for fucks sake the thing was terrifying, but as his mind wandered back to the kindness Ranboo had shown him the night before he decided it would be safe to cuddle up against the creature for a little longer.

“Hmmm...you up?” the giant mumbled as one large eye peaked out to gaze at the human.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Tubbo apologized.

Ranboo chuckled softly and started to gently rub a finger against Tubbo’s side. His large tail wagged lazily against the cave floor.

“It’s okay, I’m glad you’re alright,” Ranboo said, “I was worried about you.”

Tubbo leaned into the finger that was now gently rubbing his hair. Ranboo laughed and brought the boy closer to his face so he could push his nose against him.

A loud yelp escaped Tubbo as he was bumped down by the nose and tried to push it away from his body.

“Hey hey, the hand is okay not this! Youre gonna get snot on me,” Tubbo complained.

Ranboo smiled and Tubbo noticed that he was very careful to not show his teeth.

“Sorry, I’ve just never really been around people before,” he said sheepishly, “you’re really small. It’s kinda cute.”

Tubbo jokingly hit the giant’s nose and huffed.

“I’m not small you’re just really fucking big.”

Ranboo hummed in agreement before knocking Tubbo down again with his nose.

“Stop that you big fucking cat jeez,” Tubbo laughed.

“Heyyyy I’m much nicer than a cat,” Ranboo pouted, “a cat would have eaten you already.”

Tubbo laughed nervously at the reminder of the strange situation he was in but decided that there was no use in panicking now. If Ranboo was planning on eating him he would have done it already.

Tubbo stuck his tongue out at the giant who laughed causing Tubbo’s whole body to shake in his hand.

Ranboo let out a deep sign, “Well...I should probably take you home now huh? The last thing I need is a ton of humans hunting me down cause they think I killed you.”

Tubbo nodded as he was gently maneuvered in the giants hands so that Ranboo could stand up, his head almost brushing against the top of the cave.

“Just tell me what direction it is and I’ll take you as far as I can,” Ranboo told the boy.

Ranboo slowly made his way back out into the forest, carrying Tubbo through winding tunnels until they finally reached the sunlight. The gentle breeze and sound of rustling leaves was a breath of fresh air for the human.

“I um...don’t really know where my house is from here big man,” Tubbo told the giant, “Ive never gone this far into the forest before.”

“Oh,” Ranboo let out.

The giant stood still for a few moments before Tubbo felt the hands around him shift up towards the giants face. He met his new friends unnerving red and green gaze and grinned before he was gently placed in the giant’s wild hair.

“Oh...wow it’s- everything’s so small up here,” Tubbo whispered.

“Yeah, do you see any sign of home at all?” Ranboo asked.

Tubbo held onto a couple tufts of hair while he stood up to catch his balance. His eyes wandered over the horizon until he spotted the telltale sign of smoke from his village about twenty miles out.

“Over there!” Tubbo announced as he pointed out towards his home.

Ranboo reached up to grab Tubbo again and smiled at the much smaller boy.

“Alright hold on I’ll get you there soon Tubbo,” Ranboo said as he tucked the human away in his coat pocket before taking off in a sprint towards the town. Tubbo noticed with fascination that Ranboo’s footsteps made almost no sound despite his size and that his head almost reached the top of the tree line.

Tubbo guessed it was almost an hour before the rhythmic up and down steps came to a halt and a hand fished him out of the warm pocket.

“This is as close as I can get you,” Ranboo whispered, “I can’t get caught or I don’t know what would happen.”

Tubbo nodded and rubbed his hand against Ranboo’s fingers in thanks.

“I mean your huge big man what are they gonna do to you?” he laughed.

Ranboo smirked back at the smaller boy and jokingly pushed him with his finger.

“Sorry to break it to you Tubbo, but just because I’m big doesn’t mean I can’t be stabbed,” he whispered.

Ranboo let Tubbo down onto the forest floor and gestured to where his home should be just a little bit farther into the woods. The human stepped forward cautiously and gazed back at the massive creature kneeling down behind him.

“Thank you so much Ranboo,” Tubbo said, “I’d be dead without you big man...will I ever see you again?”

Ranboo smiled sadly at the human and shrugged, “Maybe one day Tubbo, but if we do you better not be hurt again okay?”

Tubbo grinned and winked at the giant, “Can’t make any promises about that.”

Ranboo laughed quietly and gestured for Tubbo to go home.

“Thanks for keeping me company Tubbo, now go back to your family. They’ll be happy to see you.”

Tubbo jokingly saluted at the giant and started his trek home. The giant watched him until he couldn’t see any more sign of the small boy through the trees.

When Tubbo walked into the village his family swarmed him asking about what happened and if he was okay but the boy’s mouth was sealed shut. He’d keep his new friends secret no matter what.

That day Tubbo promised himself that he’d find a way to see Ranboo again, and he’d finally get to repay his new friend for his kindness.

#friendly giant au #g!ranboo #t!tubbo #mcyt gt #mcyt g/t #corywrites

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ot3 · 4 years ago

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Same anon as a second ago who was asking about Han suyeong and orv - or if you have any headcanons about yoohankim I think they’re neat

yesss lets talk about yoohankim

all i want for them after the epilogues is to write a book together. like kdj is already long overdue for beta-reading and yjh has been tricked into being an editor once and can be tricked into doing it again. any chance to correct these miserable shrews he lives with <333333

but the thing is like hsy like completely wrung herself out writing ORV and now she wants to do something the complete fucking opposite she’s like guys. i’m sick the death of fucking themes and catharsis and shit. we’re writing slice of life. give me ideas what’s some stuff that people do

and yjh was like i dont fucking know what anyone does in their spare time.

and kdj is like. i also don’t know anything that people do. hope this helps.

and hsy is like god damn it. me neither. oh my god we are so bad at this.

this is all definitely pre relationship because theyre stupid enough to rewrite time and space for each other but still try and friendzone about it. “yeah they threw themselves headfirst into the spokes of fate’s wheels and doomed countless lives in countless worlds just so all of us could meet, again and again, but, like. what if i’m reading too much into things?”

absolute incompetence.

anyway hsy just starts working tossing in whatever sort of contrived high school hijinks she can think of and bouncing off yjh and kdj as sounding boards, reading them snippets of her drafts, and eventually they just end up just essentially co-authoring it with how much of the plot and character theyre giving her, theyre doing everything she’s doing except typing the damn thing up.

only at this point it’s really just a weird tangential larp of them all deciding what they imagine a fun childhood would have theoretically been like and not so subtly just making these characters live it out on their behalf. yjh still feels pretty weird about writing stuff that didn’t already happen for obvious reasons but hsy is like ‘stop being fucking paranoid this is so different this is made up for real’ and kdj is like ‘im abstaining from this conversation’ and yjh is like well i guess im probably safe from any cosmic comeuppance as long as this is a happy story. so it really is just like peak good feeling slice of life antics the whole way through

anyway obviously the main characters are Very Poorly Concealed Yoohankim Expys. i say poorly concealed but that’s onyl to people who arent them. yhk themselves are VERY convinced these are extremely original and compelling characters.

it doesn’t hit until after they write some shit where hsy has to be like ‘look this is so stupid there’s no reason these people wouldn’t have gotten together yet in this situation how can we work with such a flimsy premise of miscommunicated feelings. surely they have to know theyre in love.’

and then she’s like [brain loading symbol] oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

and theyre like What stop being dramatic and just fucking tell us.

and shes like ‘ive figured it out im the sexiest and smartest woman alive. you guys are gonna love this’

and theyre like just fucking tell us we hate you so bad you act like this every time

and she’s like we need to kiss. ohhh i am so smart.

and theyre like [dial up modem noises] oh god wait we are supid and embarrassing motherfuckers huh. wow.

and then they kiss

#orv spoilers #ALL THE WAY UP THROUGH TO THE EPILOGUES. DON'T FUCK WITH THIS IF YOU'RE NOT DONE #orv #yoohankim #Anonymous

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yakocchi · 4 years ago

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Tonight, Love Me Kindly and Cruelly (Collection Event) // Count

t/n: The idiom is literally “Candy and Whip”, which is equivalent to the use of “Carrots and Sticks”. “Carrots and Sticks”, as in the idiom that people use to describe when one uses both the promise of a benefit and a punishment to manipulate someone to do something. random ex: a person says that if you let them stay at your house for a while, they’ll buy you a new phone... but if you reject them, they say they’re going to set your car on fire. well carrots and sticks don’t make for a pretty mental image so I changed it. lol

In common ikevam fashion, this is a collection event to coincide with the release of Faust’s Main Route. imo the route is doing a better job at showing his chara positively than Will’s route, but..... faust was never my type to begin with so u know LOL but im only on like chapter 12-ish anyway so yea nothing really significant has happened

anyway, i am pleasantly surprised that the Count got to partake in this one!! it might seem like a really long time since the last Count appearance under the context of this blog, but that’s only really bc ive sat out on covering Count-involved events (namely the AU scenario event w/ a shared route with Leo and the “caring for a child” collection event). i don’t think they’re super bad or anything (i actually like the latter for treading newer ground on event topics for once)…. im just chillin. ive never been a very active blog regardless

Spoilers under the cut!! Please credit if you take any of it, thenk u (･ω･*)

…

[Kara]: “ah-… Mn-…” In one of the rooms of the party venue— the air was stained obscenely by the breathless sighs of me and Count. With my arms pinned against the rippled sheets, my head grew lightheaded as he roughly kissed me over and over again. [Kara]: “nh- Why are…”

(Why has the Count become like this, I wonder? Until a little while ago, he was sweet and gentlemanly.)

Bewildered, I stared back at his golden irises, and a smile faintly seeped through his lips…

[Count]: “When I thought about you possibly being touched by those fingers, my blood ran cold. You do not mean to say that you do not understand my own feelings, I presume?” (‘Those fingers’…?)

…

I recalled something that had happened a few moments ago at the high society party we had been attending. I was conversing with one of the Count’s acquaintances when it happened:

[Gentleman]: “Oh, My Lady— Your exquisite ornament has shifted out of place, you know.” (Huh…?) Before I could fix it myself, the gentleman reached out his hand—

[Count]: “Indeed.” The Count, who had been standing next to me, hugged my shoulder with his arm as if to move me away from that hand. Then— [Count]: “How about this? Mhm, yes… Beautiful.” [Kara]: “Thank you, Count.” Of course, I also gave my thanks to the one who initially noticed it, but…

…

(Does he mean that time?) [Count]: “By the look on your face, it seems that you have finally realized it.” [Kara]: “Ah-…” Something resembling both sensuality and sharpness flashed within his eyes, and he firmly ripped the hair ornament off with a single swipe.

[Count]: “Well, then. I shall retrain this body— that the only thing that may touch you, are my fingers.” His fingertips trailed down my lips, my neck, my collarbones… before pulling down my dress, the fabric sliding off my breasts. Then, those very fingers touched the reddened peaks…

[Kara]: “-ngh, hah…. nh, ah-“ [Count]: “Do you make this same adorable reaction no matter who pinches you?” He pinched more forcefully, and my body leapt with a shudder. [Kara]: “ah-…! N-No, not, at all… Abel, please…” [Count]: “Really? I still have my doubts, given that your body so easily makes these dirty reactions...” While he played with my breasts, the fingertips of his other hand then slid inside the soaked part of me with a wet sound. [Kara]: “ahn… ngh, haah…”

[Count]: “I shall thoroughly train you, that the only thing that can bring you to ecstasy are these fingers. …And train you, all night.”

And just as he had proclaimed, indecent cries continued to fall from my lips throughout the night.

FIN

me thinking abt how this could’ve been the start to a veri sexi epilogue of a scenario event. next time, next time!!

this was kind of interesting bc the event actually places this one above leo’s (leo is the story before, which puts him at “4th place” out of 7 if we call arthur “1st”). this is weird bc even tho occasionally they’ll mess with story order not coinciding with character popularity if they feel that the story in question is more ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), but putting leo’s story that early is rly weird. leo’s story being given before even mozart is like…. wow someone’s not too proud of that story LOL ill be honest tho…. the leo story is pretty basic, past stories in the leo sexi man canon considered. well i get it – leo is not the type to take out his negative emotions onto others, which is more or less related to the theme of this event.

this collection event is only a week long, so im wondering if they have anything interesting lined up. man i hope so…… clearly they kno ppl who like the count exist bc they bothered to move his story up. but where’s the respect!! (jk… partly)

“You really do get a lovely look on your face when you’re with the other manse residents. …I am, just a touch, jealous. Tonight, let me have you all to myself.”

“(…) …I want you to like me very, very much, so I work hard to achieve that. Though it may appear otherwise, I’m desperate (to have such).” – Artbook-based Gacha Card

as always, thanks for reading!

#ikemen vampire #comte de saint germain #spoilers #ikevam #lol why does this site still have vocabulary f*lters how else am i supposed to write it

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beesmygod · 3 years ago

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twin peaks huh (nodding) twin peaks...

ive had this in the tank for 23 days and i just got done with a lot of work and im very high so let me ramble.

what a wonderful series, frankly, lol. uneven at parts, mired in some "of the time" stuff or stuff that is just wildly out there (the arc with ben and the confederate army????). but, as a whole, a gorgeous and emotionally devastating ride worth the payoff. i really really liked it lol it was honestly the kind of story i needed to see right now. it gave me a lot of what i wanted.

i guess we'll address the elephants in the room. if i dont mention this kind of stuff i guess it would be remiss but its not like they're scathing indictments. any criticisms i have couldn't detract from the enjoyment i got from it. they're just like things you notice as you're watching it.

my friend put it perfectly when they said that lynch writes "mentally ill sex worker" characters compassionately and he can also write "shrill housewife" but he sort of struggles with any women outside of those parameters lol. norma's entire arcs revolve around her dating life, shelley is trapped in a cycle of violence and abuse...the woman who has the happiest ending is nadine lol. god remember that scene where she comes running down the hallway at ed and its the scariest thing in the fucking world even though its just to hug him. remember how bad her story was. wow i forgot about her teen hulk shit until right now.

it is inelegant and graceless at times. the episodes directed by lynch shine like diamonds among a sea of pretty good to god awful episodes. my opinions align with literally everyone else: the second half of the second season is really, really bad. we trudged through it knowing that after it ended it couldn't hurt us anymore. but good lord lol. that shit sucked. at least the last episode was cool?

seasons 1, 2 and fwww feel slightly disconnected. i didnt enjoy parts of fwww because they left me wanting in a bad way. the only scenes with coop esp are agonizing in how vague and deliberately obtuse they are. it is only by the third season's grace that the scene was retroactively justified. but as the third season taught me: lynch is going to tell the fucking story he wants. he doesn't give a fuck what i want. and i loved it. thank god i wasn't pandered to i was stupid as shit dude. the ride he took me on was so fulfilling and gratifying.

spoilers and asshole analysis now:

im glad to see im not the only one who read it as a story about the cycles of abuse. the implications of the more surreal parts of the show felt to me like they were implying the cosmic battle of good vs evil had been condensed down to the palmer family and cooper. honestly i wish i was in college so i could write a whole embarrassing paper about this shit.

the show has some interesting things to say about lynch's idea of what evil is and where it comes from. i dont think the meaning is as literal as the shows visuals imply, but its the idea that both of the villains are spawned from what i would assume the author is positing as the most vile and despicable acts committed by humanity leaves us twisting in the wind with how to solve the problems presented by this narrative. and the narrative itself just echoes back "how? how can you?" great question. i uh. uh. i guess dont do it in the first place. welp.

how do you stop the cycle of abuse humanity inflicts on each other? is it possible? what if everything changes but everything stays the same? you know what i mean...? or is this just nutso shit.

anyway: rip jack nance you were the best pete forever petesquad

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momentofmemory · 4 years ago

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FICTOBER 2020 - day twelve

Prompt #12: “Watch me.”

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Characters: Melissa McCall, Scott McCall

Words: 1306

Author’s Note: A series of four vignettes featuring Melissa & Scott’s relationship, culminating with the fallout of 2x10 (Fury). Fluff that slowly descends into angst. Melissa POV.

>> i saw your eyes (they looked like they were mine)

“Watch me, mama!”

Scott’s head just barely peaks up over the counter, his hands reaching up to grab for her attention. “Look!”

Melissa laughs, gently hip checking him to the side so she can cover the bolillos with a towel to rise. “Just a minute, mijo, I’m coming. You don’t want flies to get into your food, do you?”

Scott pauses, having somehow managed to get flour in his hair already. “Do flies need it?”

“I’m very sure they can get food somewhere that isn’t my house,” Melissa says, dusting Scott’s nose with flour until he falls back, giggling. “Now, what’ve you got for me?”

Scott’s eyes light up as he grabs her by the hand, decorating the floor with even more flour, and drags her into the living room.

“I fixed Roxy!”

The dog in question is sitting placidly on one of the couch pillows, the McCall’s medicine kit open and its contents strewn all over the floor. She’d gotten into a fight with the neighbor’s cat the day they’d gotten her, and while the cut she’d sustained on her ear had long since healed, Scott’s been rather taken with making sure she’s okay ever since.

Which is probably why there appear to be over a half dozen bandaids covering the poor terrier’s ear, along with an incorrectly though painstakingly placed Ace bandage.

“Wow,” she says, making sure to give Roxy a few extra scratches as a reward for her patience. “You do this all by yourself?”

“Yeah!” Scott bends Roxy’s ear up, eager to show off his handiwork. “I even got one on the—scapha, like Dr. Deaton said.”

“Oh ho, I see. Scapha’s a big word.” She moves from ruffling Roxy’s fur to Scott’s hair. “You gonna be doctor someday? Dr. McCall?”

Scott shrugs. “Is that what you do?”

“Sort of, sweetie. No doctorate here, but. Yeah. Close enough.”

“Then I’ll be close enough,” Scott says. “So I can be like you.”

Melissa feels a swell of warmth, and kisses the top of Scott’s head. “You’re already far better than that, mijo. And I’ll be there to watch the whole thing.”

_________________

“Mom.”

Melissa looks up from the pamphlet she’s been reading, and Scott looks so small on the hospital bed. “Yeah, sweetie?”

“Am I breathing?”

Melissa’s heart twists in her chest. “Yeah, baby. You’re breathing. Does your chest feel okay?”

Scott nods, his lips pursed close together. “It felt okay before, too.”

“I know.” The signs were there—the coughing at night, the perpetual fatigue, the muscle and determination for sports but not the stamina. “But you’re okay now, I promise. The doctors have got you fixed all up and you’ve got plenty of medicine in case it happens again.”

Scott frowns, staring down at his hands. “So it’s going to happen again?”

“Not this bad, mijo. Not this bad.” She nods towards the inhaler on his bedside table. “That’s what the medicine’s for, remember?”

She wishes, sometimes, that she didn’t know quite so much about everything that was happening in her baby boy’s body. The bronchodilator via nebulizer to open his airways. Corticosteroid drugs in his IV to lower lung inflammation. Oxygen via nasal cannula to bring his blood oxygen levels back up. The trigger that’d caused the swelling and mucus production to threatened him to begin with, still lurking in his genes to strike at any moment.

Not that she’d tell him that.

“You’re okay, Scott,” she says. “I promise.”

“But what if it happens again while I’m sleeping?”

Melissa sets the pamphlet down and goes to sit on the edge of the bed. She takes his hand into hers. “Then I’ll be here the whole time, okay? If you stop breathing, I’ll make sure you start again.”

Scott bites his lip, tracing patterns on the hospital sheets. “You’ll watch me?”

“I won’t look away for even a second.”

She doesn’t, and Scott sleeps, uninterrupted and unafraid and breathing, through the entire night.

_________________

“You couldn’t have picked literally any other extracurricular?”

Melissa frowns at the dollar signs on the sign-up sheet, mentally tallying the costs of the uniforms, equipment, and not to mention rescue inhalers he’d need to play lacrosse, of all things.

“Lacrosse is like, the football of Beacon Hills!” Scott says, all but bouncing on the balls of his feet. “I can definitely do this.”

“I don’t know, Scott,” she says. “Your asthma’s been even worse than usual this season, and I don’t want you to commit to something like this and have to bow out halfway through.”

“I won’t,” Scott says, with all the total confidence only a teenager could have.

“Uh-huh.” Melissa sets the paper down and folds her arms over her chest. “Scott, I know you’re angling to get more popular than you were in middle school—”

“Mom!”

“—but I don’t think picking something that’s going to be—” Melissa hesitates, fishing for the most tactful word—“unconducive to your health is the best way to go about it.”

Hurt blossoms across Scott’s face. “You don’t think I can do it.”

‘Oh, no,” Melissa says. “You wander around the house without a shirt on more than enough for me to know you’ve got the muscle tone for it.”

“Mom.”

Scott’s incredibly tenacious once he gets his mind set on something—which is what moves his chances up from snowball’s chance in hell to snowball’s chance in, say, Nevada.

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt,” she says.

“And you won’t. I can do this, mom—just watch me.”

It’s a bad idea. From definitely a financial standpoint, and probably a health one, too..

She sighs. “What time to tryouts start?”

“You’re coming?”

It’s painfully obnoxious and incredibly adorable how quickly he goes from sullen and determined to exuberant.

“Yeah, you dumbass,” she says. “If you’re going to go on some ill-fated mission to rise through the ranks at risk of life and limb, I’ll be there.”

His answering grin is so bright, she thinks he might actually do it after all.

_________________

“So.” Melissa licks her lips, fingers threaded together on the counter in front of her. “You’re a werewolf.”

They’re standing in the kitchen, the single unburnt bulb in the ceiling light shining down on them. Scott’s slouching, or maybe hunching, in the corner of the room; the island staking out the neutral ground between them. He’s not meeting her eyes, or maybe she’s the one that’s not meeting his.

Scott clears his throat. “Yeah. I’m, uh—a werewolf.”

It feels like the setup for an interrogation.

(She wishes she knew which of them was on trial.)

“Uh-huh.” Melissa taps her fingernails on the granite, waiting for him to expound. He doesn’t. “Okay, so how does it—is this a once-a-month thing? You change when the moon’s out?”

"No. I can—I can shift whenever I want, now.”

Now implies it hasn’t always been that way. Now implies a then. Now implies her son’s been a werewolf (a werewolf) for more than just a few days, and she hasn’t noticed anything other than a few slipped grades and out-of-character absences. Now means he did all that without her.

“Do you want to watch me do it?”

Melissa flinches before she can think twice about; Scott flinches in return. “Watch…?”

“Watch me shift,” he says. “I can control it really well, I could—we could just do claws maybe, or my eyes?”

Scott’s beautiful, deep brown eyes stare hopefully at her, eyes he got from her, and the thought of them turning the angry gold he got from someone else hurts too much.

“That’s okay, baby,” she says. “Maybe—maybe not right now.”

“Okay, yeah. Sure.”

His lips quirk up in a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, and Melissa can’t get her mouth to open far enough to handle the promises he needs.

She says nothing.

#fictober20 #fanfiction #melissa mccall #scott mccall #teen wolf #memsfic

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formula-what · 4 years ago

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Ive been reading @formula1circus ‘s hogwarts fics which you should go read because they are FANTASTIC and it got me thinking about hogwarts!drivers so..

F1 drivers sorted into hogwarts houses by someone who knows literally the bare minimum about hogwarts. I’ve only watched the musical so I’m going purely off of vibes here.

Lewis - I want to say ravenclaw because.. BLUE but then slytherin because he’s so.. conscious of everything? will do anything to win. But I’m gonna go gryffindor because he really is the main character huh, he’s That Bitch ™

Val- I have no feelings towards him. but I feel like he’s a good finder so hufflepuff

Max - people like to pretend he’s a gryffindor because like unleash the lion or whatever but this guy is stone cold slytherin

Alex - my head says ravenclaw but heart is yelling hufflepuff

Seb - I want to go safe and say gryfindor but honestly?? I’m getting ravenclaw vibes. Boy is SMART and like, logic focused. Cares about other people so much it physically hurts. Has been with the same woman like his whole life. Ravenclaw but in a “life is short fear isn’t real, I’m gonna go jump off that mountain.” way

Charles - slytherin just because I want him to be forced to interact with max. Even sauber Charles. baby slytherin. Likes stepping on monkeys tails then cry’s when they chase him

Lance - baby. baby boy. be protected at all costs. has never done anything wrong in his life. Obviously a hufflepuff but also.. he’s stupid. so fucking stupid. an actual complete idiot. Someone that stupid just has to be a ravenclaw. But also.. he’s horny all of the time. And touch starved. Peak slytherin. He’s grown up rich so loves handmade gifts Miserable and yet constantly smiling. Tries to make everyone happy yet they always find a reason to be disappointed in him. Probably has an app on his phone that sends him crappy motivational Pinterest quotes everyday. He’s the human embodiment of the “hang in there” cat poster, and don’t even try to persuade me that his favourite movies aren’t cheesy romcoms. This boy is a living cliche he has to be griffindor

Checco - have no thoughts on this man other than I want him to be with lance to look after his son. So.. griffindor and also like, strong willed and ambitious or whatever

Lando - hufflepuff have you seen him. But also.. he is so fucking logic orientated? Can come up with a new graphic design in like a drop of a hat? Ideas just.. come to him. and he just.. does them.? Will spend nine hours cleaning his house because if he starts something he has to finish it. Will talk about the technical side of racing for a full day straight if no one stops him and will probably forget to breathe? Boys a ravenclaw

Carlos - boring as fuck. Kind of just.. there. Consistently average. Background gryffindor.

Daniel - hufflepuff don’t even @ me

Este - hmmmmmmmm okay there’s a voice in my head saying slytherin but i don’t believe it. This guy is strong willed, won’t take no for an answer, is amazing at jumping over hurdles and always gets back up. Has the patience of a saint. I don’t know what house that corresponds to but I’m saying gryffindor

Pierre - so much of me wants to put him in hufflepuff because this guy is so fucking soft but also ?? He’s a dick ?? Like watch the torro rosso videos he is. such. a. bitch. but like, in the nicest way possible. So I’m going slytherin based purely on his unique ability to be baby and yet also evil

Kvyat - Was banned from f1 and yet came back??? Accidentally got a podium when it rained??? Had a baby the same day?? On track: slytherin. Off track: gryffindor

Romain - cares way too much about things he can’t control. Will fight off an intruder with a baguette (wait did this actually happen or is it a fan thing I forget but either way it’s totally something he would do). Has a cook book. Pushes himself too hard and then is inevitably disappointed when he doesn’t live up to ridiculous expectations? Ravenclaw through and through

KMag - slytherin. It’s literally impossible for me to not call him by a cool nickname. Kevin? Really? Whose that bitch? This guy is Kmag and I always forget that he has a really cool gravily voice and looks like a Viking. If that’s not what makes someone a slytherin that I’ve lost all faith in this system

Kimi- hufflepuff, do I really need to explain?

Antionio- have you seen his hair? Slytherin. I know fuck all about this guy?? Like, you could tell me he only eats blended avocados mixed with pine nuts and I would be like ohhh?? Really??? Wow???

#f1 #I haven’t proof read this #so idk if it actually makes sense #and there is ZERO way I am tagging everyone #so if you see this then it’s fate #also I have no clue how this got so long #it’s just my sleep deprived ramblings

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greenhatsinthesky · 4 years ago

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lockdown film no. 27 - Us (2019) dir. Jordan Peele

20/04/2020

- as previously stated, I’m not a horror person. I don’t like jump scares or gratuitous violence. But this? Outstanding. It was one of the most genuinely, properly deeply scary films I’ve ever seen and while the imagery was scary and it did adhere to some of the tropes of horror films the scariest thing about it was the concept and how clever the plot was that made it so good

- there was so much clever cinematography with the theme of mirroring (obviously all the mirrors, Jeremiah 11:11) which reminded me a bit of the themes in shadow of a doubt but obviously better because its Jordan peele and not hitchcock

- fuck me the colours were astonishing

- i loved the way we didn’t get everything all at once. Like when young Adelaide is in the mirror house and her tether is facing the other way, we were kind of drip fed that scene throughout the film as we learnt more stuff

- I LIKE THAT

- JANELLE MONÁE ON A FUCKING SOUNDTRACK WE LOVE TO SEE IT

- that song fits so well with the concept as well - of not being the same as everyone else and the lyric “i’m always left of centre” is political but it’s also being slightly off like being the tether of someone else and I fucking love it

- the girl who played young Adelaide/Red was incredible

- i can’t get over how clever the little details are that reference Adelaide’s backstory like everything makes sense pretty much. Like how she ate strawberries instead of the chicken because as a kid she could only eat rabbits. And how she clicks on the offbeat for the song in the car but says to Jason “get in rhythm” because she doesn’t know she’s offbeat

- “It’s not about drugs, its a dope song, don’t do drugs”

- i got anxious every time someone appeared in front of a mirror

- wow the white children were awful

- he nailed the idleness of phatic talk especially with rich upper class white people. Also the subtle alcoholism of it being ‘vodka o’clock’ in the middle of the day and the comedic thing of straight white couples apparently hating each other

- “There’s a family in our driveway.” “No there’s not a family in our driveway.” *2 seconds later.* “Huh. Who’s that?”

- it’s such a simple idea but it works so well! It’s just a home invasion and the terrible anxiety that comes with the possibility of your family being hurt but it’s so fucking good !!

- the three clicks and they absolutely scattered. Terrifying

- old timey scissors scare me now. Thanks pal

- the first scene with the tethered family was outstanding.

- can’t get over how good lupita nyong’o is?? Like who gave her the right and also she is so under appreciated l mean give this woman every award

- gabe’s character was so perfectly summed up when red did the whole monologue about the girl and her shadow and his response was to offer them money

- “You can have the boat for all I care.” “Nobody wants the boat, Dad.” Perfection

- the white family was absolutely peak yuppie and I really hated them so I wasn’t sad to see them go. I did not enjoy the bubbly sound Elisabeth moss was making as she died, however

- while the bit with Elisabeth moss putting lip gloss on was very creepy, it felt a bit overdone and not quite as nuanced as lupita nyong’o’s performance. Full could not deal with her cutting her face open with scissor though

- it was extremely disturbing to see the whole family get a bit too into trying to kill the people who are hurting them. Obviously it’s important that they keep themselves alive and defeat the bad guys but the kids too? Also it must be so traumatic for the kids to see their parents really trying to kill people

- why does the yuppie child move like a vampire ???

- THE KILL COUNT WHAT THE FUCK

- i appreciated that the majority of the rabbits in the tunnels were white. I know its a bit niche but normally things that are meant to be scary are dark colours which kind of feeds into the insidious idea that dark things and therefore people who have dark skin are scary. In old films the good guy always rides a white horse and the bad guy is always on a black horse, for example, and ravens are a symbol of bad stuff while doves are a symbol of peace. Anyway I just liked the way that one of the main scary symbols is super bright white which goes against a lot of the general symbolism

- im not generally a fan of ‘the speech at the end that explains everything’ and id rather things be revealed in a more organic way instead of us just being told, but this definitely isn’t the worst one I’ve seen

- WEIRD FOCUS NO THANKS

- the cinematography of the tunnel cut together with red and Adelaide dancing, yes please

- i know its always pretty grim when a vicious death happens in a film but red’s death was absolutely dire. Like all you could hear was the sound of her and then Adelaide’s breathing. And then Adelaide starts laughing? That felt weird. Everyone seems to have a very a bubbly sound with their blood when they die in this which was scary as fuck

- i think the important thing to remember in this is that while there are characters who endanger the protagonists, they can’t really be seen as antagonists because they haven’t actively done anything wrong. I mean red did try to organise a revolution but that was because her life was stolen from her by her tether, who you can’t really blame because she has the right to want an actual life too. Basically no one and everyone is to blame in some sense because you can understand everyone’s motivation

- there was a lot of Kubrick gazing going on with young red/adelaide

- ive seen some speculation about Jason and Pluto and who’s who and if he knows about Adelaide being a tether (as opposed to a whole person?)

- the whole thing reminds me of the idea of soulmates and how plato theorised that two people who were meant to be together were built as one and then they were split apart and had to find each other. The idea of being half a person/being until you find the other person who makes you whole - in isolation they’re both their own entities but not completely

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vanchlo · 5 years ago

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The Assistant / Chapter Thirty, “Close Calls”

All chapters can be found here!

Inspiration tag for the story!

I recently completed a character survey from Becky’s POV that you should check out!

Warning! This story contains mentions of: cancer, vomiting, chemotherapy process, and brief mentions of blood.

Sneaky peeeeeeeek!

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. The paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit.

But I can’t, and I don’t try to put the feelings into words. I sit there and cry inside of my car until I can’t anymore. And until I find enough strength to sit up and leave, knowing that I won’t call him back.

Snowflakes flutter in front of my eyes, painting the world white. Cars zoom past on the streets down below, the size of my fingernail. Yeah, it sure looks like the first of February out there, the thought sounds inside of me. The festivities of Christmas are long over as a new year has begun. Thinking of what comes next leads to a disorganized mess behind my eyes. I try to rid my thoughts of it with a hard blink, but instead it brings something else forth.

February 1st.

It’s Harry’s birthday today.

He’s 29. Shit.

Flipping my phone over in my lap, my thumbs get working fast. But once that empty conversation is in front of my eyes, I stall. Before I chicken out, words appear on the screen quickly.

I read them over and wonder how they sound. Or, more like, how they would sound to him. Do they sound too personal? Do they not sound personal enough? Or am I worrying too much and it’ll just blend into all of the other birthday texts he’s sure to receive?

“I think if you stare at that thing any harder your eyes are gonna pop out of your skull, Ree.”

I raise my head to find the voice who said that. My dad. He smiles tiredly at me a few steps away. I laugh, realizing he’s right.

“What’s got your attention so peaked anyways?” he asks. His eyes framed with exhaustion stay for only a second. They return to the Arsenal football match playing on the telly.

“Um, just trying to write a text to somebody. But I don’t know if it’s good enough.”

“Don’t think about it so much, sweetie. I mean it, you’re probably thinking too hard about it,” he comments, scratching at the blue wool hat covering his head.

Sometimes I still expect to see the IV tubing dangling from his skinny arm. Like all of the other times at the beginning. Patches of faded red cover the insides of his arms from them now. You wouldn’t notice their small marks, but I know they’re there. The seconds of relief from their absence is whisked away when he tugs at his shirt. The moving of the material reveals the tubing leading to the port in his chest. The one I forget has been there for months when his shirt covers it.

“Yeah, you’re right,” I tell him, and go ahead and hit Send.

Hi. I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you’re doing alright. Just remembered it was your birthday. Wow 29, huh? Damn you really are getting old, you geezer. You better hurry and claim your senior discount now. No, but really I hope you’re having a good day, Harry. Enjoy your day. Have some drinks and do something for yourself, something you enjoy. I hope 29 is a fantastic year for you. Hopefully you’re not as run down yet as Chandler is.

I tap Send again, watching the clip from F.R.I.E.N.D.S go with the text marked by a heart. A smile pulls up my cheeks, thinking of the scene.

The three guys are sitting on the sofa in Central Perk and Chandler talks about not being 21 anymore. He’s 29 now and just wants to relax and go to bed at his bedtime, according to him.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” my dad comments, bringing my eyes back to him. A small smile pinches his sallow cheeks. I nod, thinking of those words, but in a different way. If only that could be said about everything.

Setting my phone down, I try to watch the match with him. I’m glad it’s taking his mind off of the poison coursing through his veins. But I’m distracted by the anxious excitement of waiting to hear a ding from my phone.

Point after point is scored and it doesn’t come. And I try not to be disappointed, but I think I’m getting rather good at being disappointed lately.

The last words of a Katy Perry song trickle from the speakers as I put the car in park. A soft glow pours out the living room window, waiting for me.

6:13 pm, the digital clock reads.

I let my head fall back to the head rest. The events of today and their emotions flood my thoughts. As well as the things I still need to do tonight. Bring in the groceries. Put them away. Make dinner, even though he’ll eat 5 bites that he’ll throw up. Sweep and mop the kitchen. Disinfect surfaces. Find time to vacuum when he isn’t sleeping. Change his bedsheets. Do la-

Brrrrrrrrrrring!

The incessant words forming inside of my head cease. Looking over to the passenger seat, my phone buzzes face down. I pick up and answer it without looking.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Becks,” a refreshing voice answers. It almost removes the heavy words inside of me, but not quite.

“Hi, Harry. How was your birthday?” I answer, peering down at my lap.

“It was pretty fantastic, thank you. ‘m sorry I didn’ get t’ yer text yestaday. Tha’s why ‘m callin’, an’ ‘cause I got yer gift. I love it, it was so nice o’ you! I don’ have this Fleetwood record yet, so thank ya very much. ‘s in incredible condition, too! Hope ya didn’ have t’ pay too much. I know how pricey original records can be,” his syrupy voice utters with extra sugar today. It fills me with comfort, but he also picked the worst time to call. Although, maybe it would help to get out of my head for a few minutes. If I can.

“Yeah, you’re welcome. I’m glad you liked it. I uh, wasn’t sure if you had it or not,” I reply slowly, unsure of what to say. I find it hard trying to pick out words from my head as so many others are whirring around. Playing with the zipper on my coat, I wait for his reply.

“I can’ wait t’ listen t’ it. There’s not a scratch on it, ‘s unbelievable. I got sum drinks with sum mates last night afta work, so tha’s why I forgot t’ text back. Had lots o’ fun tho’, an’ ate sum good food,” he narrates for me in an animated voice.

I nod at his words, wishing that would suffice. But I have to talk, even though yesterday I would’ve jumped at the chance to hear his voice. Well, I still would today. Just minus the jumping part.

“Good,” is all I say, amidst the lump building in my throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to breathe. But it doesn’t help, it never does. “I’m glad you had a good time,” I somehow manage. Cursing myself, I know he heard my voice crack at the end. Because so did I.

“Becks-.”

“I’m glad you had a good birthday with friends. It did sound fun. Um I’m sorry, but can I call you back? I was just going to run into a shop quick,” I cut him off, the lie knitting together fast.

“Ya sure, an’ thanks. ‘ll talk t’ ya later, Becks. Drive safe,” he replies, something amiss in his voice. But I can’t listen any further than that, or else the guilt will make the tears come sooner.

“Thanks, Harry. I will, and happy birthday,” I finish, not giving him a chance to reply before I hang up.

Because the tears already arrived at my last word. And he sounded so happy, and I couldn’t ruin it. Over the course of the few texts we’ve sent back and forth in the last month, it was the happiest he’s sounded. And I didn’t want to share my dark cloud, and reveal that I’m in the lowest of my lows. Another side of me selfishly wanted him to notice, almost begged him to. And that part is disappointed that he didn’t, but the other part knows that I can’t expect that. Or at least it tries to.

It’s going to take everything inside of me. To lift my head from the steering wheel and walk back into that house. And to do yesterday and the day before, all over again. Dole out the meds and write them down. Clean up the vomit. Cook the meals. Clean and clean. Endure watching the pain and suffering I can’t do a damned thing about. And on top of it all, try to deal with my own pain and suffering. Not to forget, the schoolwork.

I want to tell him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t know how to put into words that I’m breaking more and more every day. Or the paradox of being happy and sad that I’m here with my dad for his next round of chemotherapy. And I sure as hell don’t know how to put into words to Harry that his one in a million hugs could fix everything, if only for a little bit.

“Hey, Becky. Could you do me a favor, love?”

The pictures of puppies I was looking at suddenly feels illegal. Closing my laptop, I look up and find Sophie standing in front of me. I still think for a split second that she’s the mom from The Princess Diaries when I look at her, even after a year of working here.

“Y-yeah yeah. What do you need, Sophie?” I ask, trying to sit up straight, for once.

“Could you run this down to the post room for me, please? I need it sent out today, and I have a video conference in a minute. I’d wait on it, but I know they pickup the post in about 20. I won’t make it since my video conference is an hour long,” she says, her lips lined in scarlet grimacing. She tugs at the end of her corkscrew brown curls, a nervous habit of hers. “I hate to be one of those bosses that makes you do stupid stuff, but-.”

“Don’t mention it, Soph. A little walk would be nice, anyways,” I insist, taking the large white envelope from her. She thanks me with a smile and a handful of ‘thank yous’ before leaving.

Standing up, I feel my joints wake back up with a few cracks. I smooth down my maroon blouse over my black dress pants. A shiver tickles my spine, and I decide to slide on my zip up black Columbia. The last thing I do before leaving is to grab my steel water bottle to fill up.

“Be right back,” I let the girls know at the front desk. They nod with a smile before resuming their hushed conversation.

My pointed flats hardly make a noise on the tiled floor. It’s hard to look for a noise with the wind whipping around the snow outside. Just looking out the windows lining the hallway makes me feel cold, colder than it should be in March. And regret choosing these shoes this morning. I reach a corner and take a left, thinking back to when I first started and always got lost. I pass a handful of people on my way, familiar and not, and we exchange smiles or nods. I pass the doors for Human Resources, and wave at a friend. A gruff bailiff passes without either, but he was a little too scary looking to make eye contact with anyways.

I reach another corner, knowing the post room is only two turns away now. I take a right, but a few steps in, I hear voices. And laughing. My feet stop at the sound, and I turn around. The large doors to Courtroom 5 are down the hallway behind me. A clump of people stand across them talking, leaning against the wall under a clock. One of the laughs stands out to me from the others, like a musician can recognize a note. I can only see the backs of heads of those facing away from me. They shield the others from my view. My head goes from side to side with dismissal as I turn back around. But I don’t get very far, because I hear something they say.

A name.

It’s like it takes control of my limbs, and again I’m spinning around. I make it just in time to watch a figure break away from the group. Smiling and shaking hands, a laugh tickling their lips. And walk over to the drinking fountain. It’s Rose, one of the lawyers from Harry’s firm. Hmm, I think silently before walking away for real this time.

I soon find another water fountain and I decide to fill up. Luckily almost all of the ones I come across here have the nifty water bottle attachment. It was always a pain any place I’d go trying to fill it up directly from the spout. With the thick envelope under my arm, I screw the cap back on. Slipping my finger through the little handle at the top, I take off. But once again, I don’t get very far. Because this time I almost run into somebody.

“Sorry,” I automatically say before even taking a look at the person. But I don’t need to look when their voice tells me what I’m looking for.

“‘s alr- Wait, ‘s that you, Becks? Well hi, love,” Harry coos, his words catching.

“What, I don’t get an ‘it’s alright’ just because I’m not a stranger?” I joke, looking into his brilliant green eyes.

The skin around his eyes crinkles as amusement paints his face. Nodding, his growing curls dance a little on his head. “Yeah, I guess ‘s alright ya almost plowed me ova,” he jokes, his straight white teeth showing behind his happy lips.

Scratching at the back of his neck, his navy blazer pulls to the side. I see more of the cream button down underneath decorated with small navy polka dots.

“Hey, I could say the same thing about you,” I argue, trying to calm the happiness budding on my lips. But my control doesn’t last very long.

Harry replies with a breathy laugh, dropping his hand. “Oh hush, you. Now, what’re ya doin’ here, love? I hope yer not here fer a hearing,” he asks, swinging the leather messenger bag to his side. Probably heavy from his files and laptop, from the look of its bulging seams.

“I uh, work here,” I tell him slowly, my words escaping me. My fingers wrap around and lift the sleek card resting on my chest.

His moss green eyes fall to the lanyard hanging around my neck holding the access card bearing my face and name. I receive my answer when his expressive eyebrows shoot to the sky in surprise. “Here? Really, doin’ wha’?” he questions.

“Um, I do some clerk stuff back in admin,” I reply, watching his expression relax into a content smile.

“Tha’s great, Becks. That’ll look really good on yer resume when ya graduate. Good fer you, ‘m proud o’ you, darlin’,” he comments, patting my arm. I hardly know what to say with everything jumping around in my head all of a sudden. The arm pat. The beaming pride coating his features. The part where he said he’s proud of me, for the second time now. Okay, chill out, Becky. You can’t lose it, not yet. “An’ ya like it here? Are ya learnin’ more ‘bout law?”

“Yeah, I really like it. I work with a small group of people, and we get along really well. I mean there’s always that one coworker you don’t like, but what can you do?” I try to laugh, but I’m afraid it sounds fake. It’s okay though, because his laugh covers the doubt I hear in mine. And the nerves. “And I am learning, too. My boss is really great and I think she uses me being in law school to her advantage. It’s a match made in heaven, I guess.”

“Good, ‘m glad t’ hear that. ‘m happy t’ hear well, that yer happy,” Harry tells me with a smile framing his words. But when I look at it a second too long, I see the sadness in it. Suddenly, I regret my words, and how they sounded like he wasn’t a good boss. Or that I didn’t like it at his firm. But he doesn’t let me get too far into my thoughts, luckily. “How’s yer dad doin’? I haven’t heard from ya lately, but I undastand yer prolly real busy.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” I apologize, looking away with warming cheeks. But his automatic ‘’s okay’ and squeeze to my arm makes me look back at him. “Things have been pretty crazy with classes and being there for my dad. He started chemo again the beginning of last month, since they didn’t get all of the tumor, like they hoped they would. But I guess most people still do it to ensure it’s gone, or something like that. I can’t remember.”

“Stop, ‘s okay,” he says firmly, his eyebrows raising a tick. “How’s he handlin’ tha chemo? ‘ve heard that stuff’s pretty shitty.”

“Yeah, it is. It makes him really sick. It’s hard because sometimes he has to wait to do an infusion of it, because some levels of his are too low. Or they want him to be at a certain weight, even though the chemo makes him lose weight,” I explain, the words coming out effortlessly. “It’s hard to see him like this, and to still be a student and an employee during all of it. But my professors and boss have been really understanding and lenient.”

I bite back the tears, hoping they won’t fall without my permission. But one breaks loose from the gate as I stare at the floor. My flats are separated from his brown leather chelsea boots. Then after a blink they no longer are. I don’t make the decision to look up, but it’s made for me when I feel his thumb wiping the tear away. Peering into his gleaming green eyes always seems to make time stop. A warm smile places dimples in his cheeks, and does something to me. Like it always does.

“‘s okay. I can’t imagine how hard ‘s been fer ya, Becks. Why didn’ ya ring me? I woulda listened,” Harry asks me, his hand regretfully belonging to himself again. But there isn’t annoyance or anger in his voice. There’s emotions from the other side of the spectrum heard there. Like regret and sadness, and others I can’t fathom right this second.

“I wanted to, but I didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. Plus, I hate to be a Debbie Downer,” I confess, admiring the length of his dark eyelashes when they tickle his skin.

“Yer notta Debbie Downa, Becks, whateva tha bloody hell that ‘s,” he insists. A hint of his giggle meets my ears when I look at him weird due to that revelation. “Ya can call me anytime, ‘kay? Whether ‘s happy or sad, ‘d wanna hear ‘bout it.”

I nod at his words, savoring the sound of his voice. And what it said. His minty breath strokes my cheek as he’s close enough to touch. The words get lost in my throat as his familiar smell wafts over me, catching me off guard. “Thank you,” I mumble thoughtfully, seeing his head move in answer.

“What’re ya takin’ this semesta fer yer LLB tha’s so tough? I mean, I know all tha courses can be, but ‘m curious. Ya must be onto tha heavier courses by now, ‘s that right?”

“Well, I’m still catching up to where I should be as a kind of sophomore. Because they changed the degree around since I’ve been gone, so that’s kinda why I took Crim later than usual. But right now I’m taking Banking Law, Family Law, and Environmental Law,” I answer, watching my words register with him. He nods at certain parts, his brow knitted together as he pays attention to me, like there’s nobody else in the entire room.

“Ugh, those don’ sound any fun. I rememba takin’ those, or what were tha equivalent t’ ‘em when I was in uni. They’re tha ratha borin’ ones, an’ Family’s sad, too,” he comments, a look of disgust playing with his features. It’s amusing, but I get away with not letting it show on my face. Reaching to scratch his chin, I notice the stubble there. And the pops of color on his fingernails. Both fitting, I must say.

“Yeah they’re super boring. I’m surprised you even remember them, seeing as you’re 29 and everything,” I joke, earning a well deserved eye roll from him. But he can’t get rid of the grin showing on his raspberry lips. “Hey, I like your nails. It looks like you did a pretty good job, better than I could even,” I laugh and it grows harder when he holds them out for me to see. A wine red and turquoise blue decorate his fingers. But what gets me is that he puckers his lips, modeling like Zoolander.

“Thanks,” Harry titters, looking down at them. “Me little niece picked out tha colors an’ helped me paint ‘em tha otha night. But I think they’re growin’ on me. Already chippin’ tho they are, whatta shame.”

You let your niece paint your nails?

Wait, you’re an uncle?

Okay, the thought of you with tiny children is not helping things.

“You sound like a fun uncle.”

“Ya, I hope so. Harper says I am anyways, which ‘s quite tha compliment. Also, stop callin’ me old. 29 isn’t old,” Harry whines, sticking his bottom lip out at me.

“Oh stop it, you baby,” I giggle, and soon his joins mine. For a couple of seconds, we’re just looking at each other laughing and things couldn’t be better. But I’ve learned that good things can never last, and soon enough we’re interrupted by a voice.

“Harry, are you coming?” Rose says from across the hallway, a ‘hello’ to me following. The sweet sound coming from his lips soon fades as he looks over to her and nods. Pushing his sleeve back to look at his watch, he clucks his tongue.

“‘m afraid I can’ talk any longa, Becks. ‘m sorry. Rose an’ I are workin’ togetha onna case. It starts in half an hour, an’ we gotta go ova sum things befo’ it all starts,” he explains regretfully. I nod, acknowledging his words. And try as I might, I can’t get rid of the disappointment growing heavy in my gut.

“Yeah o-of course, don’t let me keep you. Good luck, Harry, knock ‘em dead,” I wish him with a small, but sad, smile.

A hint of one inches up his cheeks before he says, “Yer not keepin’ me, I dunno why ya always say that. I enjoy talkin’ t’ ya. ‘s nice t’ catch up again,” Harry tells me. As if in slow motion, I watch him take another step closer to me with outstretched arms. I follow suit and soon find myself in one of his hugs. “Ya ring me if ya need anythin’, ya hear me? Even just t’ talk. Maybe we could get coffee or tacos sumtime.”

The moment in his arms doesn’t last long enough, although I’m sure any amount of time wouldn’t be enough for me. Soon, I’m leaving the safety of his arms and again, I’m alone. “Of course. Thanks, Harry.”

“Welcome. Tell yer dad an’ Robbie ‘m thinkin’ of ‘em,” Harry rasps, and I just nod. “An’ take care, Becks. Good luck in yer courses, I know ya’ll do well.”

Happiness seeps through the sudden sadness with his kindness, and I muster a smile. And another thank you.

“Have a good day, love,” is the last thing he says, before he turns to walk towards Rose who waits for him.

“You too,” I mumble, watching him walk away.

Bittersweetness lines my thoughts, wondering if the sadness is worth getting to see him. And that hug. God, that fucking hug. They do fix everything that’s wrong, if only for a couple of seconds. It makes me wonder how much happier I’d be if I could have one of those every day, as a respite from the chaos of life. But that would only be in the case of if I was his-.

Yeah, I’m not going there again, I tell myself. And with that, I finally continue my journey to the post room, unsure of how I’ll be able to top that.

For the rest of day.

Week.

Maybe even, month.

The butter melts on my tongue and next the pillowy bread does too. I close my eyes and smile at the taste. Like home. Opening them again, my eyes flit over the half dozen crock pots and several other plates. Frowning, I can’t stop thinking about the meatballs, the macaroni and cheese, the sugar cookie fruit pizza, and the homemade bread.

But with a longing sigh, I walk away and leave the break room. Excited coworkers of mine pass me on the way to the food. My desk eyes me from across the room, but I ignore it. Soon, I find myself in the hallway. Twenty minutes left of my break after scarfing down the monthly potluck meal. It only gets better each month, and makes me wish it was weekly. The last bite of airy bread passes my lips. I wipe my hands on the napkin and toss it in a bin. The new storm delivers snow outside of the hallway-long windows. Although they’re frosted from the chill, I can still just make out the falling flakes.

My thoughts of snow are whisked away by the shuffling of feet. And hurried voices. It takes me a moment to figure out where I’ve gone off too. Soon, I realize I’m back by Courtroom 5. And that the people are bustling inside the doors to sit in the gallery. And watch. The sleeve of my zip up glides over my watch, revealing the time to be one o’clock. Quickly, thoughts come together like puzzle pieces in my head.

My break is over at 1:30.

It’s Friday, so it’s not like I really have anything important to do when I get back.

Sophie has been bothering me for ages to go and learn from the teachers I have just down the hall.

So she won’t mind.

And the only teacher that I can think I want to learn from is in there right now.

About to argue a case that appears to be available to the public.

I don’t remember telling my feet to move, but suddenly I’m behind an older man. And the scene in front of me changes drastically. It fills me with nervous excitement at the sight of the judicial panel, the jury box, and the witness stand. But I don’t have time to gawk, because the chatter around me is quieting down. I quickly find a seat towards the back of the seating in the gallery.

Silence follows the clanging of the doors shutting. Within a few seconds, everybody rises when the judge enters. But the rest of the room - the jury made up of all kinds of faces, the bailiff, court reporter etc. - melt away when I see that head of curly hair. I’d know it was him if we were in a crowd of people, but any doubt I had from afar is washed away when he speaks.

Harry and Rose take turns delivering their opening statement. They’re defending their client, the plaintiff, who from the sounds of it, was harassed by the defendant. It kills me to watch the opening statements unfold, even if all I can see is the back of the girl’s head. The hush over the courtroom is chilling, and goosebumps grow on my arms at the sound of Harry’s tone. His professional voice that I’ve yet to really hear before. Because although I worked for him, I was only his assistant. I never got to tag along to trials, or hear much about them. Yes, I did some of the dirty work for them, but I only saw the outside. I heard about how good or bad it was going, and then was dealt with the good news or bad news of the verdict. No more than that.

It’s awe inspiring to witness him arguing the case firsthand. The way he uses his hands to speak, or the times when his voice does all the speaking he needs to. His eloquent choice of words drills the emotion home, and is accented by the expression on his face. It’s often neutral, but at times, I watch him struggle to hide the effects of the words playing on his face. I find myself having a hard time doing the same when he returns to sit next to the plaintiff, patting her on the back during difficult moments. Unbeknownst to me, the defending lawyer may have been practicing for two years or twenty. But their skill wanes next to Harry’s, even though he’s been practicing for less than ten years. I can’t stand to watch the discrepancies and weaknesses in his arguments. Luckily, my break is over and I don’t care to waste my time watching Mr. Bow Tie over here.

I quietly leave a few minutes into his opening statement, hoping one day I can evoke as much emotion as Harry with my words. And hide from my face all of the ones that I’m feeling inside. Walking back to my department, a smile curls the edges of my lips. But then it falls, because I realize the mistake I made.

I just fell a little bit harder. Again.

“I’m gonna bring the dishes down,” I mumble, watching him nod at me.

The wooden steps creak with my weight as I juggle the tray of barely touched food. A bowl of chicken noodle soup. A piece of toast. And apple slices with peanut butter.

Options, options, options.

The plastic tray hits the counter with a hard slap, and an accentuated huff. I bend down and grab tupperware from the drawers. As I pour the soup into a container, the slam of a door upstairs makes me jump. My thoughts fly to the soup spilled all over the counter, but they stop when I hear another noise. Besides the tv in the living room, it’s the only other one I hear. It pulls my feet out of the kitchen and through the living room until I’m at the stairs. I take the steps two at a time until I’m at the top. The terrible sound carries down the hallway, leading me to the bathroom door.

I nervously rap my knuckles against the door.

“I’m fine,” my dad says from the other side, coughing.

“Dad, they said if it gets bad-.”

“It’s not bad yet,” he interrupts. There’s a pause when he blows his nose. “Please, Ree, I just want to be home. I hate having to go there.”

“I know, dad,” I reply, sighing when I hear him start to vomit again.

Walking away, I give him privacy. And my ears a break from one of my newest least favorite sounds. My fingers drift to my back pocket, sure of their actions before I am. Exhaling, I take a seat on one of the stairs.

It rings and it rings.

“Come on, pick up,” I mutter, bouncing my leg.

Kneading my temple, I listen to it continue to ring. And ring. Finally, it stops. But I’m not greeted by the sound I want to hear. Instead I hear their voicemail, making me groan. I listen to the old recording I’ve heard time and time again, but this time I just want it to go away. So I can hear the instructions, and that final beep.

“Hey, it’s me. J-just call me back when you get this, please,” I say quickly, the words running from my lips. Alongside the tears.

Dropping my phone onto my lap face down, my head falls in my hands. Noises surround me. Those of everyday life bustling around me. The sound of the laundry machine whirring downstairs. The hum of the tv. And the ones I try to ignore coming from the door behind me. The sound of the crying. And the vomiting.

I can’t keep my hands still. They go to rake through my hair. To cover my face. To play with my fingers. To make fists. I even try to sit on them, and it doesn’t help. And I can’t stop bouncing my legs, as my nerves jitter from the thoughts.

The worries.

The uncertainty.

It feels like an hour before I hear my twinkling ringtone. But when I see the time on my phone, it’s only been eleven minutes. I barely take the time to look at who’s calling before I answer it.

Clearing my throat, I say a shaky ‘hello.’

“Hey, I got yer message. ‘m sorry I didn’ answer, I was inna late meetin’, but I can talk now. ‘s everythin’ okay, Becks? Ya don’ sound so good, love,” he inquires. His caramely voice is the first comfort I’ve felt all day. My respite from this mayhem.

“No, I’’ll um, let you go. I don’t want to interrupt your meeting. I can call later,” I insist, guilt weaving its way into my words.

“No, yer okay, Becks. I stepped out. It wasn’t anythin’ important, anyways. I can have Myles tell me later. Now, wha’s goin’ on?” he tells me, but it doesn’t revoke all of the guilt consuming me. I grimace at the pain from my chapped lips when they smash together, salty tears flowing over their cracks. “Becks, talk t’ me, please. Yer not a botha, not ever. Please tell me wha’s wrong.”

“Harry,” I begin, not capable of any other words. Because that one has been constant in my head for the last twenty minutes. Ever since it started. It’s the one I’ve been holding in, and not been able to say, until now.

“‘m here, Becks,” he says. Never did I think three words could be so comforting. And at the same time, hurt so much. Because they’re true, and then they’re not. I want them to be true so badly I feel it in my veins.

“M-my dad . . . he won’t stop throwing up and I don’t know what to do. He had chemo yesterday, b-but it went fine. And then we had dinner tonight, and he hardly had three bites, before he got sick. It’s been like that all day,” I confess, leaning against the staircase railing. Letting it hold me there, because nobody else can. Because I can’t do it for myself anymore. “This happens sometimes with the chemo, b-but . . . . . it was getting better recently. I think I should bring him in like they said, but that means staying the night in the hospital. Again. I’m just so tired, Harry, I want all of this to be over already. I want him to be okay, and I want to feel what it’s like to be okay again.” I can’t get out another word, because the tears consume them. And the anxiety. And the exhaustion. My head falls to my knees and the hand cupping my mouth slides away.

“I think ya should bring ‘im in, Becks. ‘Specially if they said so. Don’ want ‘im t’ get dehydrated, that certainly won’ help things,” Harry murmurs, his voice quiet and controlled. “I know ya don’ wanna be there ‘gain, ‘specially twice in tha last two days. But he needs their help . . ‘s there anybody who can come an’ be with you? Maybe that aunt o’ yers who was at tha hospital that night? Robbie, or Skye? But I s’pose they’re 3 hours away in London . . . ,” Harry sighs, his words trailing off into the air. For some reason I nod, glad to hear that my reasoning for not wanting to ask them to come is valid.

“Yeah, it’s just me here. That’s how it’s been. Robbie and I switch off . . . But my dad doesn’t want me to bring him in, he hates going there. Being poked by them and everything. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day,” I cry, the tears soaking the knees of my ripped jeans.

“Ya hafta bring ‘im in, Becks. What if ‘s sumthin’ else, like tha stomach flu or sumthin’ worse? He needs t’ be able t’ eat an’ drink in order t’ get betta,” he urges, and finally I decide to listen.

Nodding at his words and the truth they hold, my lips part, “I know, you’re right. I-I’ll bring him in. T-thanks, Harry, for answering your phone.”

Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand, I sit up slowly. “Course, Becks. ‘m sorry I was a li’l busy when ya first rang . . . Um drive safe, ‘kay? Maybe bring yer laptop t’ do schoolwork or even jus’ t’ watch Netflix. Sumthin’ t’ distract yerself - a book, or headphones fer music.” His suggestions meet my ears, but they go through one and out the other. They’re not the kind of distraction I want, I think selfishly, but the kind I want, I can’t have. Because it’s you.

“Yeah, I’ll bring something. Thanks, Harry. Have a good night,” I say in almost a whisper, exhaustion stealing my words.

“Yer welcome, Becks. Lemme know what happens, ‘kay?”

I mutter an ‘mmmmhmm’ before hanging up, and trudging up the stairs. Listening for the sound again is hard, because I don’t know what I want to hear. Part of me doesn’t want to hear the vomiting, but the other part oddly does. Because if it stopped then he’ll try to convince me that we don’t have to go in. But I hope it hasn’t, because there’s something at the back of my head telling me we have to. Making me think we need to, because something’s wrong. And I know that if he’s stopped, he’ll tell me that there’s no reason to go in.

My gray striped socks stop on the hardwood floor in front of the door. I knock before I can convince myself to wait. “Dad?”

No answer.

“Dad, I’m bringing you to the hospital. Something’s not right, I just know it. You need to be looked at, and they can help,” I plead from the other side of the slab of wood. A sigh meets my ears and the shuffling of a body.

“Okay,” he relents. I push the door open and am met with his tear-stained face.

Trying to ignore the smell I’m by now used to, I wet a washcloth at the sink. Returning to his side, I bend down and wipe his face with it. And then his mouth. Tossing it in the laundry bin, I wash my hands. Watching him as I do so, his frail figure is slumped against the closed toilet. Embarrassment blanketing him like a sheet.

“It’ll be okay,” I try to tell him. But as I watch his barely there nod, I’m not sure if I believe it either. “Let’s get you downstairs to the car,” I say, drying my hands.

It takes us awhile, to stand up together. To get down the stairs, one step at a time. To slip on his coat. To grab my things. And to drive to the hospital as he threw up into a bucket beside me. But we got there, and the worst part still awaits us.

It pains me to leave his side, but I can’t handle watching them stick him with needles. Or the blood. Not after everything that’s happened in the last 7 months. Combing my hair out of my eyes, I begin my walk down the hallway. Yet another one.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” I respond to the voice I could pick out of a crowd. I try to prepare my words, but I’m not sure what to say. I’m so tired. “I’m at the hospital with dad. Everything is okay. But he hasn’t been able to keep anything down all day, he’s been throwing up off and on. And after dinner, it got worse. They’re taking some blood now to run it for labs. I’ll let you know what I hear.”

“Shitttt,” Robbie replies, holding out the last syllable. Just like our dad. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Ree. I’m surprised he let you take him in, but thanks for doing that. Yeah, I guess all you can do is wait until they have the tests back. Hopefully you two can go home soon,” he says quietly in a tone the polar opposite of the one he answered with.

I echo his words with a ‘me too’ before there’s nothing else to be said. And I let him go. I call Skye too to tell her, and because I can’t go back yet. I just need some time. She talks my ear off, but I’m grateful for it. She tells me about work, her newest boyfriend, the weather, and a show we’re watching together.

After I finally get away from her jabber mouth, almost half an hour has passed. I find my way back to his room in the Emergency wing. As I walk in, he shoots a tired smile at me. One I can barely make out amongst the dark room.

“Early bedtime?” I ask, sitting down on the edge of his bed. He nods, barely able to keep his eyes open.

“Yeah. They did all their tests, and said it would take a little while, so fluids, anti-nausea meds, and naptime it is.”

“Good,” I respond, wrapping my fingers around his. Squeezing them, his dusty lips offer a laugh. Or the closest thing to one. He tries to squeeze back, but I barely feel it. It’s nothing compared to when he’d nearly break my fingers giving my hand a squeeze. Somehow his hands look older than the rest of him as I look. His skin wrinkles among his bulging veins, liver spots, and freckles.

“You should too, baby girl,” he replies, surprising me. My eyes return to his face where he’s opened his eyes to look at me. “You look exhausted too. Get some sleep, I know it’s been a lot taking care of me for this long.”

“Dad,” I begin, an argument forming in my voice. But I don’t get any further than that.

“You know it’s true, and you’ve been doing a fantastic job. Don’t let yourself think any different,” he insists, the area above his eyes raising. But it doesn’t have the same effect with his dark eyebrows absent from his expression. A whimper escapes my lips as tears obscure my vision. Lifting our joined hands, he brushes the back of his hand over my cheek. “Come here, my baby.”

It confuses me when his clean scent doesn’t surround me. But it’s there in a hint when I bury my face into his neck. His right arm pulls me against him, and I cry into him. It’s one of the only times I can remember doing this since this all started. I want to stay strong in front of him, but sometimes it’s too hard. I feel a warmth on my forehead, and my lips break into a smile at his trademark forehead kiss. “Get some sleep, sweetie. They’ll wake us with the results if they need to,” he tells me. I nod into him, feeling him scooch over for me to lay more comfortably beside him.

My words are taken away with a whooshing sound just as a ding meets my ears. A bubble appears at the top of my phone screen. With widening eyes, I hold down the bottom button for volume on the side of my phone. Peeking across the room, I exhale watching his chest lift and fall with every breath, his snoring greeting the air. My attention returns to the dings coming from my phone. I read the first one.

Me - a few minutes ago

Tests came back positive for some type of bacterial infection in his digestive tract. Starting antibiotics now. Keeping him overnight and until further notice for observation because infections can be scary with weak immune systems like his.

Harry

thx for the update. glad 2 hear it isnt anything 2 serious. its a good thing u brought him in when u did becks. thinking of u and him.

Thanks so much, Harry. I’m glad I did too. Looks like I’m sleeping on the couch again, yay!

Harry

get some zzzz’s love. might be a long nite. dont forget 2 eat.

Goodnight

My eyes don’t want to believe the clock when the growling of my stomach wakes me. Shuffling into the hallway rubbing my eyes, I swear under my breath.

“No fucking way it’s only 11 o’clock. Why can’t it be 8 am or something?” I groan, trudging down the quiet halls of the oncology wing. But I’m glad for the quiet compared to the craziness of the E.R. earlier.

Dropping my hand, I’m welcomed once again by the stinging fluorescent lights. And the packaged foods waiting for me behind the glass. Pulling my wallet from my back pocket, I scan the many choices. Hmmm, salted nut roll for once, hostess cakes, sour patch kids, hard pretzels, jelly beans, or Cheez-Its? I wonder to myself, blinking the sleep from my eyes.

Another ding meets my ears. But when I lift my phone to my face, there isn’t a new text popping up on my screen. There are some, but they’re from an hour ago or longer. Weird, I think, staring at the screen and reading the words.

There’s a cough as somebody clears their throat. “We’ve gotta stop meetin’ like dis,” they almost laugh, making me turn my head without a choice.

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creepercraftguy · 5 years ago

Text

Ultimate Talent Development Plan: Chiaki Nanami/Nagisa Shingetsu

Requested by u/RePo_Net on Reddit

Aw...I lost...and I almost beat my high score as well...

Oh well...Hey! You there! Did you need something?

Oh, you noticed? I was beginning to think you hadn’t seen me.

You’re one of the kids from the Hope’s Peak Elementary or something, right?

Just so you know, I blame you for making me lose my focus...

You make it sound like I should care...

Yes. My name is Nagisa Shingetsu. I’m referred to as the Lil’ Ultimate Social Studies.

Of course, that is merely one area of my expertise. I excel at all scholarly pursuits, and am raised to be amongst society’s elite.

And...in all honesty, I suppose you could call me a babysitter of sorts for my class. Or more accurately, I’m sort of the class representative...

Wow...You can really do all that? You’re amazing, for a pre-schooler that is.

Who are you calling a pre-schooler! I’m 12 goddammit!

Oh...my bad. You look younger than that...

But you’re a class rep too huh? It’s nice to meet you.

Class rep...“too?”

Yeah. I’m Chiaki Nanami, the Ultimate Gamer. Video Games are my hobbies, and I’m a fan of all genres. I also enjoy games no matter how terrible they are.

I’ve also been voted to be class rep...for whatever reason...

U-Ultimate...Gamer?

Is something wrong?

N-No I just...I was just passing by and saw you...

And I was...curious as to what you were doing.

I presume you were busy playing a game so I’ll let you get back to it...

Hold on a second...before you go...

Something isn’t right...you’re acting odd...

Did I say something wrong? If so, I apologise...

Wait...did you wanna play with me? If so I have a spare console for you to-!

N-NO! A-Anything but...that...

I’m sorry but I really need to-!

Wait, don’t go! Clearly I’m just upsetting you even more but...what am I doing wrong?

I won’t force you to do something you don’t want to, but if there’s a problem, just tell me...

...

If I tell you, will you promise to keep this information under wraps?

Not many people know the full details of our situation.

Situation? Wait...

Are you perhaps one of the kids at Hope’s Peak Elementary who’s undergoing therapy?

I heard about it from Ms Yukizome…

Yes, that’s right...but...my personal experience isn’t something a gamer would really want to hear...

but if you really want to know, then I suppose I can tell you...

To tell you the truth, I’m here because of my parents...

Your parents?

Yeah...The thing is...there is a reason that I’m so smart despite my age...

As the Ultimate Gamer, I don’t doubt you’ve played several games where you have to raise a virtual pet...right?

Yes, I’ve played several. Why do you ask?

Because the way you train those pets...it’s exactly how my those demons that called themselves my parents treated me.

I wasn’t their child to them, just some kind of virtual pet!

My whole life before now was nothing but studying, studying and more studying...

That’s...! Did you ever get any sleep?

Why would I when analeptics exist?

And I wouldn’t ever faint. They stuck an IV in my arm...like they were restoring my HP.

And if I ever showed any kind of resistance, they had “Items” that would neuter my spirit...

Since I was a child, I’ve been treated like some character in a video game! As if my parents were forcing me to level up until I evolved into something better!

My whole life has felt like one giant Video Game, and it’s been a Nightmare up until now!

Not that you’d understand! Video games are the world to you after all!

…

...

I...I’m sorry...

Nothing that happened to me is your fault...I don’t know why I’m taking my frustration out on you...

No, I brought back some past deep trauma you’ve experienced...I’m sorry...

But...if this is so personal to you, then why’d you tell me?

I know I asked, but you could have just told me if you didn’t want to talk about it...

Well...maybe I did, but just didn’t realise it...

Huh?

You're not a therapist or anything but...I suppose it’s because you’re a class rep...

I highly doubt you would have been elected for no reason...you must be at least a little trustworthy...

It’s not like I have a fear of video games..I just don’t like thinking about them...

…

Nagisa? Could you come here a second?

I wanna take you somewhere...

Huh? Take me somewh-

WHAAA!?! Hey! Put me down!

H-How the hell are you doing that!? You don’t look that strong!

I’m not strong. You’re just very light...

Stay still, you can ride on my shoulders.

Stop treating me like a baby!

Nanami! Put me down! Ah! Hey!

Ugh! Finally! What part of put me down don’t you get!?

Don’t worry about that, just look...

What? Look whe-?

Woah...that’s...a really pretty view...

Yeah, you can see the sunset perfectly from here.

Listen Nagisa. I may be the Ultimate Gamer, but even I can distinguish Video Games from real life.

Life is short, and yours has been wasted up till now.

But you’ve got at least another 68 years ahead of you that you can use to turn it all around.

Promise me you’ll do that, and I’ll agree to help you anyway I can, ok?

…

Tch...you just met me and you’re already going this far to help me out?

I...don't understand but...thank you...

#danganronpa #danganronpa 2 #dr2 #danganronpa another episode #danganronpa ultra despair girls #ultra despair girls #drae #chiaki nanami #nagisa shingetsu #ultimate talent development plan #fan made #request

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grapesodatozier · 5 years ago

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can you post more smutty madwheeler hcs?

hell ya i can i just cant proofread them lmao so sorry for any typos or tense changes. anywho get your sub!mike hats on folks!!

okay so to set the scene for these hcs… mikes a whole dumbass

like hes school smart and everything but hes just,, so dumb

hes going into his senior year of college and he’s never eaten anyone out

hes given blowjobs, but he realizes he’s only ever had sex with people with dicks

and basically he starts having an early onset midlife crisis bc hes mike wheeler so of course he does

he knows that he wants to eat someone out at some point, like he’s not in a rush to actually do so, but he doesn’t want to be bad at it once he actually gets around to it, so he feels rushed to learn

this is the dumbass part bc he should realize you can’t really be “good” at sex bc everyones different

but he succumbs to the social pressure/college myths and such, and he kinda starts to panic about it bc mike wheeler does not like not knowing how to do things

so he goes to his closest friend on campus for help

he met max his freshman year, and while they both thought the other hated them at first they ended up being great friends

and max has seen mike at his peak dumbass, so he’s only kind of embarrassed when he asks her if she can teach him how to eat pussy

he thinks it’s a great plan bc not only does max have a pussy, but mike knows for a fact that she’s gone down on people with pussies plenty of times

and he’s expecting her to laugh, and sure, maybe say no, but he’s not expecting her to choke on her drink, he’s not expecting her cheeks to turn pink like that

“what?” she rasps once she catches her breath and clears her throat

mike shrugs, but he feels a lot less sure now. “i just don’t know how to, and i know you do, and i figured i could maybe practice on you while you teach me”

max’s eyebrows shoot up, and she shakes her head with a small laugh. “you’re a dumbass, you know that, right?”

and that helps mike relax, bc that sounds like max

“okay yeah i get it,” he grins, “it was dumb. i guess it’ll just have to happen when it happens”

“wait, no, i’ll do it” max rushes to say “it’s dumb, but yeah, i’ll help you”

“really?”

“how can i resist you admitting there’s something i’m better at than you?”

mike gives her a challenging smirk. “not for long”

and max laughs at that, but then it goes kind of quiet bc like… they’re sitting on the couch in her otherwise empty apartment as they speak… and they both kind of realize at the same time that there’s no reason to not start right then, and now mike isn’t quite so sure that he actually thought this through bc wow he really didn’t consider the potential consequences of this, especially bc he’s just recently been beginning to realize that he really likes max, like maybe more than a friend, but he’s still in the denial stage but that doesn’t stop his heart from racing at the thought of touching her, kissing her…

fucking her

suddenly his skin his burning all over

and hes all like “so… when do you wanna… like should we now? how should we-”

and max just cuts him off with a fond “god, you’re so fucking dumb” and a grin before swinging one of her legs over his hips and settling herself in his lap

you know that meme about being attracted exclusively to idiots? max

and before mike knows it, his hands are on max’s waist, and they feel really nice there

and her hands are in his hair and she’s kissing him, and it’s all kinds of wild to be kissing his best friend but it also makes him realize “oh shit ive been wanting this for a while huh”

theme: dumbass

and honestly, things come way more naturally than he was expecting

that is, until he realizes how far his hands have slid up her sides, so much closer to her chest than he intended

and that panic starts rising again, his heart racing, and he just sort of keeps his hands still there, then begins inching them slightly closer to her breasts

eventually she begins kissing down his neck and teases him a bit like “so are you gonna touch my tits or what?”

and mike is very happy to have permission

soon their shirts come off and they’re stumbling to max’s room

and suddenly they’re both in her bed in nothing but their underwear, and mike cant help but realize how beautiful she is, how happy she makes him, how she makes him feel all warm and giddy

but also as she unclasps her bra and tosses it aside, she makes him really fucking hard, so he focuses on that, bc that’s a lot less complicated

her tits looks so soft, and her nipples are the prettiest rosy pink color he’s ever seen

he’s nervous as he kisses down her chest, but the sounds she makes when he runs the tip of his tongue lightly, experimentally over her sensitive skin encourages him

and god, sucking her into his mouth for the first time is like a religious experience

meanwhile max is having a similar crisis/epiphany

bc like, mikes always been cute, but now his dark eyelashes are fanned across his pink, freckled cheeks, and his hairs a little messy from her fingers running through it, and he’s sucking on her tits like he was born for it, and she’s kind of overwhelmed by how much she’s enjoying this, how good it feels, and especially by how fucking beautiful he looks

she runs her hands over his skin, and it’s so soft and warm

and his back is curved so nicely…

god, this was a mistake, she can’t only do this once, now that she’s seen him like this she wants to see him like this all the fucking time, she can already feel how desperately she’ll be longing for it once it’s over

but for now she enjoys it, tells him to be gentler or go harder, tells him how to swirl his tongue over her tits, just barely touching her, which has her getting wetter and wetter

at one point she grabs his hair and bucks her hips up into his, and they’re both still for a second before mike kisses her again, even more desperately than before

and max doesn’t need to teach him anything about this; the way he sucks her lower lip between his teeth and teases his tongue over her own has her steadily rocking her hips, rubbing herself against his thigh

mike nearly comes right then and there when max moans his name

he takes it as a cue to kiss down her stomach

and he fucking looks up at her for permission with his hands so gently on her hips before taking her panties off and wowowow her heart is doing all kinds of flips

and mike doesn’t know what he’s expecting to feel when max spreads her legs, but what he ends up feeling is just pure awe

like he sees the fucking light lmao

and max thinks he’s just so fucking cute but also like she’s fucking desperate to feel his tongue on her

and some sort of electricity sparks through both of them once his mouth is on her, and she guides him through it, stroking his hair all the while

honestly… she kinda gets off on telling him what to do

like she has to tell herself to calm down lmao bc like the prettiest fucking guy has his head between her thighs and keeps looking up at her and he fucking wants her to order him around like that’s lowkey the point of this so she has to be like “okay chillchillchill don’t start domming him rn that’s not the goal here”

little does she know mike likes it too

like every time she pulls his hair to guide him up or down or harder or softer he can’t help but grind against the mattress bc he is so fucking into that

eventually she tells him to slide a finger into her, and she’d noticed before how long his fingers are, but wow they reach so fucking deep and she was not prepared for that

she tells him to add another, and wow that feels so fucking good, and he curls his fingers just the way she tells him to, and she knows she’s not gonna last very long

and shes moaning and rambling like “fuck, fuck, yes, just like that, don’t stop, fuck don’t fucking stop”

when she comes, she comes hard, her thighs wrapping around mike’s head

and it’s super intense but tbh she’s kind of into that

when she opens her eyes mike is all starry eyed, and his lips are all swollen and the entire bottom half of his face is glistening and this motherfucker has the audacity to look at her with his stupid sparkly brown eyes while she’s still fucking catching her breath and ask “was that good?”

max just pulls him into a kiss and strokes his hair

she also needs to get her mouth on his cock

he happily helps her get his boxers off, and neither of them mention that this was just supposed to be about him learning how to eat pussy

max is not ready for the realization that mike is genuinely a solid 8 or 9 inches

like she actually goes “what the fuck your cock is fucking huge”

and mike b l u s h e s at that, and max’s mouth is on him in like 0.2 seconds

the second he moans max knows that sounds gonna be on loop in her head for at least the next few days

he comes super quickly, and his o-face is the hottest thing max has ever seen

mikes embarrassed, but the way max swallows him down is so fucking hot, and she kisses him all over after he comes

somehow they silently agree to cuddle for a bit before showering together

they order pizza, and things seem normal but they both lie wide awake that night once they’re alone in their own beds

neither of them can stop thinking about it

they do it again a few days later

and mike looks so fucking gorgeous and hes all like “does that feel good?” and max can’t help but let him know how bad she wants to sit on his face

mike is SO down

she grips his hair and rides his tongue hard until she’s coming on top of him

…and then they keep going until she comes two more times

later that week mike feels kind of weird when he buys condoms on a whim, but it turns out to be a good thing, bc the third time they hook up max can’t help but tell him in the hottest voice he’s ever heard how badly she wants his cock inside of her

and tbh, while she’s wet as fuck for him, it takes a while of opening her up for her to be ready to take his cock

it’s so worth it once he’s inside of her tho

she guides him through fucking her, but they both kind of know he doesn’t really need it, this is coming so naturally to both of them

so it quickly turns into her more telling him what to do just because they both find it super hot

“fuck, baby, fuck me harder, fuck yes, just like that, that’s it baby, fuck it’s so good you’re such a good boy for me”

the phrase “good boy” rings in both of their ears and makes mike come immediately

“so… you’re into that then?”

“uh, yeah. you?”

“fuck yes.”

they never realized how sexually compatible they would be

like they both come at least three times the first time max is on top, they’re v v into all the same stuff (and each other)

then eventually they get their shit together and realize they’re in love!! so then they get to sprinkle “i love you"s throughout their dirty talk!! and they cuddle and kiss all the time!! it’s so great!!

okay thank you for coming to my dom!max/sub!mike ted talk lol

#madwheeler #notsfw

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chubbyooo · 5 years ago

Text

Blurred Lines Chapter 29 - The Temple of Exar Kun

we’re really getting into it now with the next chapter, switching away from Kavaraa and over to Terri and Lusari

Terri and Lusari arrive at the temple of Exar Kun and are met with some interesting challenges

Terri shivered as her boots crunched against the dead leaves on the forest floor, night had fallen on Yavin IV but they were pressing on wary of pursuers on their tail. They’d had to ditch the speeders when the jungle to too dense for safe travel and as a result had resorted to walking. Her feet ached so bad it felt like they’d been walking for hours but they had to get to this lake thing soon they were almost done.

From her right she heard the calm voice of Lusari “that was close huh” Terri turned to look at her, she was smiling at her seemingly catching on to her discomfort

Terri played with her hair, embarrassed she’d been found out “yeah it was kinda scary” she muttered avoiding eye contact, she hadn’t been able to shake the fight with the togruta from her mind. She had no idea if her words had been lies or truth, it seemed like they told the truth but the story seemed so farfetched. She didn’t know what to believe but she at least knew she could trust Lusi.

Lusari chuckled looking away for a second “yeah you don’t know the half of it, that commander may have killed me today if The Lady didn’t protect me” Terri gasped, the idea of Lusari nearly dying was not one she wanted to think about and the Lady truly was powerful if she could stop the alliance commander in her tracks. Lusari frowned for a second “that does bring up a point though” she paused looking to her bag “the commander had some very harsh words for the Lady it seems like they had a pretty intense rivalry. Apparently she was the one who trapped the lady away in something called a mind prison” Terri was left slack jawed for a few seconds before she composed herself

“no wonder she’s been following us were they arch enemies” Terri had wondered why she was so persistent this made a lot more sense if they’d been rivals

Before they could discuss it any more they heard her echoed voice from Lusari’s bag “I’m afraid so Kyradia and I have had a rather complicated history and not all of it paints me in the most positive light” as the Lady spoke the holocron rose out of the bag surrounded by a humming red energy and began floating at eye level

Lusari’s lips tightened as she spoke “you referred to her as apprentice?” Terri stepped back, now she understood Lusari’s tone they were basically like temporary apprentices right but the Lady couldn’t do something like that to them right?

An echoed sigh came from the holocron “yes but our falling out wasn’t my fault trust me” that was reassuring at least a little “it was the classic apprentice decides she’s had enough of being an apprentice so tries to take down the master” Terri’s body relaxed as she heard that, she had no intention of betrayal she would just be content with repaying the favour.

Lusari didn’t look so convinced “so you were trapped in a mind prison? just for that” she put her hands on her hips and stopping the consistent pace they’d been making towards the temple

Another exasperated sigh echoed around them “trust me the details are very complicated but she did far worse than me” Lusi’s frown softened a little “do you know how she got the togruta on her side” Terri broke out of her shock suddenly The Lady did had a good point

Terri put her hand on Lusi’s shoulder “I do actually she totally manipulated the togruta forcing her to join the commander she told me herself.”

The Lady let out a laugh “that’s the same as the account I have” with that Lusari’s expression dropped and she let out a long sigh

She looked up to The Lady slumping her shoulders “I’m sorry my Lady I was just worried something was up” she paused lowering her head “I’m sorry for accusing you that was wrong of me” Terri thought Lusi was probably right to check though she shouldn’t feel so bad.

The holocron lowered a bit to meet Lusari’s eyes ‘it’s ok Lusari from the outside it does sound bad but I assure you I have no intention of repeating past mistakes and don’t worry I wouldn’t let any harm come to either of you” Lusari let out a half smile and stood back up

“thanks my Lady, we shouldn’t wait around any longer they are probably still after us” Lusari’s confident tone returned as she strode forward as Terri stumbled to keep up

The voice echoed as the holocron hovered next to them “I think I’ll stay out of that dingy bag from now on, this new found power is more than enough to suffice” Lusari and Terri nodded as they continued on towards the temple, Terri’s feet still hurt

A few hours later and they could see breaks starting to form in the trees where moonlight shined in and with that both Lusari and Terri began to rush a little faster aware of how long they’d been walking. Soon the towering trees turned into small foliage as they burst out the forest and were met with a beautiful sight. In front of them they saw shining black temple towering into the sky until it just touched the bottom of the clouds, in the middle of it’s four peaks was a huge statue seemingly of Exar kun. Beneath the temple lay an island of some form of black sooty structure maybe basalt. Surrounding the island was a shimmering lake with what seemed like little stepping stones dotted throughout the water.

Terri felt unable to move as she took in the wonderful sight in front of her “wow” she paused “it’s...” she couldn’t think of a word to describe all of what she saw

“stunning” Lusari stood next to her seemingly in a similar state of awe. Terri felt Lusari’s hand take her’s as they stared at the sight in front of them, it was definitely unique maybe that’s what Terri would miss about this experience the sense of adventure

They stood there for a few more seconds before they heard the Lady’s voice from behind them “The Temple of Exar Kun, the fallen jedi who the Massassi viewed as their new god” she paused for a second “then suddenly the Massassi all died I think I can guess who’s fault that was” Terri was broken out of her trance as she heard about the Massassi that was truly awful

“that’s horrible” Terri exclaimed turning to the holocron

The holocron floated up to them “quite well unfortunately sith commonly will do anything to gain more power” she had a point there but there was always a line and this guy definitely crossed it “I’d watch out while in there and avoid the tomb in my experience tombs of sith lords usually house a spirit of some kind” Terri felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, after the encounter with the crazy togruta ghost she’d had enough of ghosts for a lifetime, the thought of facing another more powerful one was rather unsettling

“um are we g-gonna run into him” Terri was hoping to hide her fear but she clearly had failed

“as long as we don’t disturb the actual tomb we should be fine, we’re just here for the potent force energy” Terri nodded, she had theorised that’s why they were here. “and before we forget Lusari could you set up the beacon for the escape shuttle” Lusari nodded getting out a contraption Terri didn’t recognise, she knew they would make a quick escape but had never really got how. She supposed it was the quickest way available, she just hoped the mercenaries ships were well equipped to deal with force users.

Lusari finished unfolding the beacon and flipped a switch “there we go they should’ve received the ping and i can message them when we are ready to escape” Lusari walked back over to them with a smile

the Lady seemed to pause in thought for a moment before she spoke up “I would advise Terri handles that side of things you may be too busy with the ritual” Lusari nodded with looking very serious for a moment and passed the comm to Terri, that probably would be more efficient all Terri would be doing is lookout duty and maybe slowing down the commander. Terri wasn’t sure if either duty was less busy but one was definitely more important to their plan. The Lady turned to look at the lake “I’m sure by now you’ve noticed the stepping stones” Terri had wondered about them, they looked a bit precarious she’d have to look down when crossing

Lusari tilted her head looking at the stones “I had wondered about that are you sure there’s no other way to cross” Lusi could probably think up some clever scheme

The Lady continued “I doubt it I believe it was built like this very purposefully the water is almost definitely unsafe and it’s extremely difficult to fly that close to the temple” Terri smiled to herself, the audacity of some sith to build such monuments how was it possible they were that far up their own butts, she let a small giggle by accident trying to hide it with her hand.

Lusari gave her a quick smirk before she started walkimg towards the first stone “well no time like the present” she bent her knees and jumped to the first stone. Looking back to them with her head held high “huh these things ain’t that far apart actually” she gestured for them to come forward, The Lady slowly floated towards her but Terri looked at the floor for a second she’d never been that acrobatic and didn’t want to embarrass herself. Come on you can do it she told herself, she summed up her courage, bent her knees and jumped to the stone next to Lusari’s wobbling a bit but none the less finding her footing

“huh you’re right easy” Terri said with a smile keeping her eyes firmly on the stones

“alright let’s do this one at a time” Lusari steadied herself as Terri nodded back. Lusari went for another jump and crossed a few at once with impressive strides as she reached the last however she began to teeter on the edge looking like she was about to fall in. Terri put up her hand and reached out with the force pulling her back from falling, Lusari turned around and awkwardly mouthed the word “thanks” to her. They continued to jump from stone to stone and after about ten minutes were reaching the mid-way point at which point the stones began to open up with multiple routes

“hey look an easy bit” Terri chirped as Lusari jumped to the right stone. They could probably make some good time if she took the other route, she jumped to the left stone and tuned to see where the next one was. As she did she felt a shift beneath her feet and the stone began to sink, oh no it was sinking fast she had to jump somewhere quick hopefully Lusari had moved from the stone she was on. She jumped to the right stone but as she jumped saw Lusari was still there, oh no she was gonna knock her off as he feet landed on it however she felt herself caught by Lusari who instinctively grabbed her and after a small wobble they were both balanced on the stone.

It was pretty cramped but they were both ok “woah hold your horses Terri I’m still here” she could feel Lusari’s breath on her face as they held each other to avoid falling

Terri’s face went a deep shade of dark green “sorry my stone kinda sunk” this was so awkward why couldn’t she just have waited

Lusari smiled at her “oh ok that makes more sense, at least i caught you” Terri couldn’t make eye contact she was so embarrassed. Lusari moved in and whispered “by the way I totally agree” Terri looked at her confused

“huh what do you mean” Terri wobbled back a bit but Lusari caught her back phew that was close, Terri held Lusari’s shoulders trying to steady herself

Lusari grinned and whispered “these sith lords egos must weigh their heads down right”

Terri couldn’t help but snort with laughter “Lusi stoop you’re gonna make me fall in” Lusari smirked as she began shimmying around the stone

“well that’s payback for nearly making me fall in Terr” Terri grinned that seemed fair, Lusari looked towards the next stone and steadied Terri

“Ok I’m gonna jump now make sure not to fall alright” Terri nodded tensing up ready to balance herself. Lusari jumped and Terri wobbled waving her arms before feeling a force pushing her back on to the stone

the holocron passed by as the Lady said “you’re welcome, I couldn’t bare to watch that any longer” Terri looked away embarrassed and played with her hair, she just wasn’t very dexterous that’s all. They continued to jump from stone to stone now wary that some would sink and eventually they made it to the island and the temple entrance

Lusari sat down as she stared at the temple “oh my god I can’t even imagine doing that again” Terri definitely agreed sitting down next to her breathing heavily, talk about a workout

The Lady floated in front of them and spoke up “well hopefully once the ritual is complete you wont have to” what a relief that was stressful enough

Lusari lay on her back for a second “are you excited for it to be complete my Lady”

“oh yes my dear I cannot wait to feel a breeze on my face again It’s been far too long” Terri knew it she had a hunch they were restoring her physical from but was never completely sure.

“well trust me you wouldn’t enjoy how tired we are right now” Lusari had a point they’d been up for nearly a day there was defiantly upsides and downsides

“quite” The lady turned back to the temple “time is of the essence lets go” Lusari and Terri nodded and they headed towards the entrance

As they entered the temple Terri could see it was made out of a black shiny substance possibly obsidian or some form of darker marble, it seemed studded with a type of gem Terri wished she had her geology guide to identify them but whatever they were they seemed rare. The walls were etched with ancient sith language, she didn’t know too much of it but the gist seemed to be protective rites on the temple. Terri was surprised however when they entered the main chamber and there were no side passages

She looked around the large circular chamber “is this it?” she had expected a maze of tunnels they’d have to trekk through

The Lady sighed as she said “for what we’re doing here yes but if you want to get lost in the catacombs searching for Exar Kun be my guest” Terri pursed her lips, yeah that was fair she should’ve guessed

“do we perform the ritual here or somewhere else” Terri wanted to make sure to cover all bases she could

Lusari turned to Terri a calm look in her eyes “here should do” she paused looking away for a second “this ritual is gonna be quite different to the previous two” Terri tilted her head she guessed that made sense

“different how” Terri wasn’t trying to pry she just wanted to be sure

Lusari looked away which seemed odd to Terri “well it’s gonna be a lot longer and it’s uh” she paused taking a deep breath

Terri held her hand “go ahead tell me I can take it” she wasn’t sure about that but they’d come this far they had to try

“it’s gonna hurt me” Terri gasped blinking in shock “The Lady says that this ritual is extremely powerful so some excess force energy will uh divert into me, it’s gonna hurt a lot but it’s necessary and I’ve made my peace with it” Terri looked at the floor for a second

“ok just uh promise you’ll be ok” she tried to keep her cool, she knew this wasn’t gonna be easy, but she just couldn’t help worrying

Lusari held up her pinky finger with a smile “pinky promise” Terri took her pinky and pulled Lusari in for a hug holding her tightly

“I’m holding you to that” she said feeling a wetness around her eyes. They held each other in the hug for a few seconds before letting go, Terri wiped her eyes and composed herself “I’m uh gonna go check the perimeter you be careful” Terri turned to leave

Before she did she heard the Lady’s voice call out “don’t worry Terri I’ll look after Lusari” that was at least reassuring...

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