#wow i rlly need jesus

[ronanlynchbf]

self punishment via turning on the main flickering & frankly searing bedroom light.

[fernsnailz]

HI . GET ON THE DISSECTION TABLE. taking your brain RIGHT NOW OH MY GODDDDD. OH MY god ,,, everything in the zine,,,,,

obviously the quality of your work, the art itself is so good ,,,, but OUGHHGGGGHGH i need to bang my head into a wall until im unconscious . like the title itself, starting off . woe mama we are in for a fucked up roboty treat . your comps . your writing . in the most respectful and awestuck tone possible . i need to kill you

my favorite i think is how you draw gemerl ,, all the robots you nail their expressiveness but oughh ,, him in particular makes me kick my feet . 'you are everything i fear becoming' makes me actually tear the fucking floorboards up the themes of autonomy ,,,,,, ,,, and how you storytell through your comic panels,,, the 'what a fool you are to think the doctor is gone' panel set makes me drink 2 Monsters and eat glass

THE . THE IMPOSSIBLE GOAL COMIC RAGHHHHHH. FAV FAV FAV . geninely shaking and trembling looking at it like jesus thats so fucked up ,,, your mind . your writing is so everything !! i would love to get any insight for how you workshop it because it is consistently breathtaking it sticks with me so heavily,,, one time i accidentally stole a line of dialogue word for word from your Never turn back zine comic and had to change it dfhjd,,,,, (wow this line is so cool ! ...a little toooo cool. squint.) but yeah god the last comic wow,, your panel compositions are banger after banger you are so good at consistently writing evocative stuff,,, tragic, rlly funny, hopeful, its so inspirational

thank u so much for putting together such a cool zine, would love to have it physically one day !

GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS EDIT IS KILLING ME. this is such a rewarding ask to get, i'm so glad you picked up on these things!!

my writing work shopping style is. hm. a bit all over the place. i have a lot of thoughts about it i'll put under a cut if you're interested. there's a lot of little things i've picked up that help me out so so much that i would really love to share!

ok FIRST i should note that it took me so goddamn long to write this thing. like i had the very very VERY first concepts for metal sonic good future like. a year ago. the first scrawlings are literally in a notebook right after some thumbnails i was using for dance in fire and i was editing dialogue up until two days ago. i'm ill

BUT!!! there are a few things i like to keep in mind when i write/edit that have really helped me!

GET OTHER PEOPLE TO READ YOUR STUFF. ESSENTIAL STEP. i get stuck in holes with my work a lot and having beta readers and other eyes on this thing made it like a million times better

sometimes you have to kill your baby. there will be certain lines or moments that you ADORE that simply don't fit into the larger piece, and you gotta just cut it out to make it better sometimes. but usually this gives birth to an even cooler and more epic baby. or sometimes your killed baby is also resurrected later to be used in a different scene. does this make any sense

figuring out what emotion you want a scene to make people feel is very important - with this in mind, i also pay really close attention to how my writing or scene concepts make me feel physically. i think this is the thing that has helped me most with work shopping anything i want to be evocative. does a line make me tense my jaw? make my teeth vibrate? make my chest tight? do i suddenly feel the blood in my hands? if it makes me feel something within my body, i try to draw on that physical sensation when forming the rest of the scene.

ok this last one is. stupid. as i was wrapping up this thing i went through a final edit phase i'd call "Garten of Banban Vision." Garten of Banban is an indie horror game that has uhhh kinda mid dialogue. a lot of it focuses on exposition, and any emotion in it feels a bit hollow. with this in mind, i read through everything one last time and imagined like all of the lines were from a Garten of Banban game and spoken in the character's monotone voices. if the line felt like it could fit a little too well in the Garten of Banban world, i considered editing it. but if i started thinking "oh shit this is pretty good for a Garten of Banban game" i knew it was fine. do you understand what i was alluding to when i said my writing process is a bit all over the place

in conclusion. writing hard

[ash-and-starlight]

Books of 2023

the list nobody asked for <3

My reading habits had gone a bit stagnant in the past couple of years so this year i made the effort to engage in reading again and wow books really are good!! who would have thought! Sharing this year's book log with the small reviews i did while reading yeah i am That kind of list lover if u feel like being nosy, (and maybe even help mi crowdsource reading recs based on my likes 👀🤲?)

The left Hand of Darkness - Ursula K. Le Guin Ursula i Need to know your thoughts on omegaver- [gunshot] THAT ASIDE yeah. mrs Le Guin you've done it again. I can see why everyone got their brain chemistry altered by this book.

The Membranes - Chi Ta-Wei another brain chemistry altering book. would love to discuss it with a gender studies major lmao

Satanic Verses - Salman Rushdie its a v atmospheric and poignant story, I know I would have loved it more if I was familiar with the rich religious/cultural background it draws from

The Masquerade Series - Seth Dickinson Crazy insane in the membrane about this series. one of the most compelling worldbuildings I've ever seen, and most importantly it features one of the most crazy wet pathetic scrunkly meow meow protagonists i've ever had the pleasure of reading about.

Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides i liked the writing style of this book a lot! idk how well it holds up re: intersexuality topic, but its a very engaging read.

Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers: Monstrosity, Patriarchy, and the Fear of Female Power - Jude Ellison, Sady Doyle The title says it all honestly, its a beautiful, thought provoking and engaging essay, spanning eras, pop culture phenomenons, and real life events on the topic of women and horror.

The cat who saved books - Sōsuke Natsukawa this was so cute and heartfelt, it will really make you go Ah Yes, this is Why we Love Books <333

The Locked Tomb Series - Tamsyn Muir now when people say there is a girl who is the cursed sacrifice of 2000 infants who falls in love with the sleeping embodiment of the soul of the Earth (barbie) and also another girl who is the only survivor of the aforementioned sacrifice and is. a Jesus metaphor? and also the two girls become one at some point. and every book is a different genre. and god is bisexual. and memes survived the nuclear apocalypse. I can just nod and say so true.

The Area X Trilogy - Jeff VanderMeer Rotating this series in the microwave of my mind at the speed of light it's soSO GOOD!! the movie doesn't even come close honestly u NEED to read the books. and then go touch grass and be aware of every strand in a completely new way.

The Dawn of Yangchen - F. C. Yee nice read! I was more invested in the worldbuilding crumbs than in the actual story lmao, I will forever think about the HEATED airball rivalry between the air temples and about the swt greetings / bethrotal armbands.

Inuit Stories of Being and Rebirth: Gender, Shamanism, and the Third Sex - Bernard Saladin d'Anglure starting w a disclaimer bc I feel like the topic of native colonization was ignored when it should have been way more prominent when talking about the context of where and when these testimonies were collected?? That aside it was very interesting and well put together, with first account testimonies of Inuit elders about their myths, lifestyles and beliefs.

Pachinko - Min Jin Lee i read the book after having seen the tv series (which i also rlly recommend). Very moving story about a family and its generations, from Korea under Japanese colonization to modern day America.

Her body and other parties - Carmen Maria Marchado sometimes I go about my day then I remember this book exists and stare at the wall for 30 minutes.

Dictionnaire de l'impossible - Didier Van Cauwelaert big miss. this collection of articles about "strange impossible phenomenons" sounded so quirky and interesting but i sure would have loved if the author hadnt so clearly picked a side. and also way too much church for my tastes.

He who Drowned the World - Shelley Parker Chan Im not even gonna speak about this one if you've followed me since july you know what pits of insanity and despair i'm in

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin Sometimes!! the book with pretty covers put in the "famous on socials" bookstore section!! are good!! It's about being othered it's about connection it's about diaspora it's about love and friendship and most of all it's about viddy games.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel reading this post-covid and learning it was written in 2017 was A TRIP. Psychic damage at every page. still feeling very normla.

The Mask of Apollo - Mary Renault Ugh i desperately wanted to like this book because the setup is so interesting and full of potential, but the end result was just. flat. flat story flat characters the plot focusing on the wrong things at the wrong times i was so DONE when i reached the end otz.

Babel - R. F. Kuang LOVED the worldbuilding in this, the "lost in translation" system of magic is one of the most interesting things ive ever read. I think theres something about the writing in general that didn't win me over completely?? but all in all a very good

Red Ocean - Han Song This sure is a Book. That i've Read. its so profundly strange and unlike anything ive come across that i dont even know what to feel about it. i think 90% of my confusion comes from Not Getting Cultural References so if someone has a "red ocean explained" essay plz send it my way bc i couldnt find one.

[cupoftaae]

HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺

so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl

AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭

Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3

La La Land (JK drabble request)

warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?

enjoy <3

"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"

Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.

"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.

You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.

You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.

You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.

"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"

you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.

"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked

"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"

"mm his schedule is so busy"

"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker

She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"

"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"

"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"

You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.

"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"

"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"

"okay"

You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.

"holy shit, its positive!"

"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves

"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.

"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"

"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"

"remember what I said, everything will be okay"

You nodded, taking a deep breath

"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."

-

Everything, in fact, was not alright.

It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.

"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"

"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"

"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"

It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.

It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.

"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back

"I know...I am"

"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.

He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"

"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"

"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted

"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"

"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it

-

You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.

You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.

You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.

You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.

"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"

You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."

You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.

His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.

"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.

"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.

"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.

"yeah, mad. are you?"

You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.

"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"

He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"

Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.

"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"

"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.

You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.

"wha-"

"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.

"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked

"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.

"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.

He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.

"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.

He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up

"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?

"baby I never said any of that-"

"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"

He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"

"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"

"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"

"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"

"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"

"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"

He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.

You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.

"us?"

You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"

He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."

"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"

"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face

"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"

He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.

"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"

"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered

"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"

"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter

"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet

"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"

"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"

He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.

This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.

If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.

--

"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.

"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.

"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.

the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.

"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.

He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.

"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"

Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"

You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"

"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"

You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"

You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.

He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,

Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.

"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered

Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"

"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."

"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him

"I love you too sweetheart"

-

a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini

[6okuto]

HI THIS IS THE ANON WHO SAID SHE LOVED UR POST AND i just realised u also write for cove holden ilysm do u have any romance visual novel recs?? so far i've only done cove's one & two demo ones (a celtic mythology one whose name i cannot remember & touchstarved the loml)

have the bestest day and thNk u

was the celtic one the good people (na daoine maithe) because i played that one too 👩🏻‍💻🫶 RLLY GOOD in typical nia fashion when my Type type isn't there i'm going 4 keagan and flannan

i saw u say error 143 in ur other ask UR REAL!!! ofc i must recommend blooming panic if u haven't played. xyx and toasty r genuinely just. Funny. i rlly liked toasty's va they did a great job. FIRST TIME I HEARD HIS LAUGH I WAS LIKE WOAH. i rlly liked how nightowl's route went w. Anger. u don't see it a lot and i appreciate it i was like WOWWW? AT ME? he's real. robo has answered a Lot of asks on tumblr so u can get loads of content after u finish!

https://gbpatch.itch.io/our-life-nf ... :) No words. Demo. i will build the audience for the 2nd game myself.

DEMO obscura is also vry good,, i haven't played in a Long time but i keep up w reading tumblr asks abt the LIs LOL. love the art and vibes. he isn't my type but iirc cirrus offers a rlly interesting dark romance route + aftercare/safe word system :)

DEMO online @ the perfect time is just,, i love the vibes and concept so far I LOVE WHEN CHARAS R FUNNY. HAVE MY HUMOR. rlly excited to see where it goes it's quite short so far BUT I WANT PPL TO PAY ATTENTION 4 THE FUTURE. PLEASE!

cryptid coffeehouse IS SOOO CUTE I LOVE ARTEMIS ☹️☹️ queer slowburn coffee shop romance BE SERIOUS no one fucking TALKS ABOUT MY ARTEMIS. WHY. so so many cute moments i was kicking my feet and giggling like WOWW

3 seasons is also VRY vry cute i don't usually play games w an mc visual but ivy is so pretty so IDC!!! u can play all the routes pretty easily they're all lovely like... it isn't super often i come out liking all the LIs pretty much on the same lvl. mamma mia!

....the persona 5 vn. IMCRYING I'm so fucking serious like. the characterization is REAL it's super well made. i'd like to say u could enjoy without playing p5 but um. probably not to the full extent. i played out of principle as a p5 enjoyer and for goro bc he's one of summer's fav charas ever and his route was so awesome actually. Epic Major Spoilers obvi. akira slayed also (my good ending completionist side..☹️)i won't say much abt him bc i'll ramble on and on but summer after finding out i had a crush on him yrs ago was like Yeah that makes a lot of sense he is so loz link.. like man

$30 gilded shadows (free demo) which i need to play again I WAS SUPPOSED TO FINISH ARI'S ROUTE MONTHS AGO rika said he was so my type and i trust them fundamentally. caissa my beloved. like the world building + charas it's just,, well done y'know

$12 when the night comes haven't played but rika rlly likes it so i'm putting it here anyways. LOL

NOT VNs. they are IFs...like there's Literally no visuals. read in browser. but i stand by the night market (1st book finished!) which i've rb'ed a bit + speaker . both fantasy,, love both casts i love everything they're doing i'm genuinely so so excited to see where they go!!! PLEASE!!!

YANDERE DEMOS separated for if they aren't ur thing which is obvi Valid. i erm. went down a bit of a rabbit hole. pls read their warnings! always read game warnings. but like. ok anyways

DEMO 14 days with you yeah. ren. i like when mc notes that smth is Off abt him. lots of asks answered on the tumblr! I can fix him.

DEMO something's wrong with sunny day jack jesus Christ . some of the best vn va work i have ever come across like Genuinely wtf. and the concept is rlly cool. was put off for a long time bc of.. jack's appearance.. sowwy. but wow it is just. really well done.

bitter/sweet blythe orange masc blythe va ?? did such a good job?? like srsly what. sorry wow that's the main thing i just rlly wanted to applaud them a bit. also I LOVE THE PARTIAL OST??? i want it so bad i was humming it for a couple hours after like

DEMO our dollhouse I'm so serious when i say i didn't realize it was for yanjam so when i came to my own realization of Oh Shit He's Sus and checked i was like FUCKCKDJ 😭���� OBVIOUSLY... but srsly love the art and i'm excited to see how mc figures it out and what happens. did a good job at making a pretty Understandably oblivious(??) mc. like yeah i can see why u wouldn't expect him.

DEMO favor Z Intrigues Me. had to try so hard for the secret ending but now i am more intrigued like OKAYYY WHAT HAPPENED BROTHER 🤨 i like the tail animation also. also when u say u like possession horrors woah hey. hey. pal

[askthesawyers]

(I need jesus)

*I couldn't hold back and I moaned rlly fuckin loud, it ain't my fault*

*He slammed into ya one more time- not exactly cumming yet.. he pulls himself out now* "Wow.. i ain't ever fuck 2 of em before.."

[starrypawu]

JUST FOUND ABNOUT NEW OFFICIAL MERCH FROM MY FAV ANIME AND ALSO THE TWT ACC AAAAAA

(LONG POST OF LOUD AND EXCITED RAMBLING BELOW CUT)

IM LITERALLY LIKE THIS RN

INEED TO SCREAM AND EXPLODE AND FUKFIEJDNGYHRWJ !Q!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!A!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINEED ALL OF THE FIGURES AND AND STICKERS AND FRUK;CDIGN CHOIIULDRENS BOOK!=!?!??!!=!! WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ARTSTYLE EVER?"?!!! STOPP IM GONNA CRY I NEED THEM IDC THAT I DONT KNOW JAPANESE ILL FUICKING LEARN IDCCCCJSUT PLEASE GIMMIE THEMEMFMEMMMMMM

LIKE UR KIDDING ME UR JOEKINGGGGGG PLEASEEEEEEEEPLEASE I NEED THEM SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I GENUINELY NEED TO STOP LOOKING AT THESE BC I FEAR THAT I MIGHT IMPLODE OR SMTH OHMYGOD okay jesus GRHAHGRHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

............got it out my system for now,,, just gonna,,,,,,, close the jp proxy store,,, for now,,, wow,, man i need to crunch on something like cement or rlly crispy chips,, idk where that came from but i just needed to say that OK if anyone is reading this then thanku u were my listening buddy that i needed rn hjfeduikjss anyways watch "that time i got reincarnated as a slime" i swear its not that bad- its not great, but its not bad! theres a reason theyre making a 3rd season aND ALSO MAKING SM FUCKING MERCH??? bro if ssomeone put in a shop where they only sold tensura merch i think i gen would pass out from excitement LMAO

[avatarkv]

tangent anon back! you thought i was done?!? hah!! i don’t think so!!

PLEASEEEE let’s talk about Neteyam and Reader I am genuinely just so obsessed with their dynamic. I REALLY feel like if they just talked, they’d come to an understanding. But, because both of them feel like things are already set in stone between not only them, but their positions within their family, the thought of coming to a better understanding is pointless. And when Neteyam was going through his disdain through Reader and claiming her as a stranger rather a sister?? WHEW! But then saying being Olo’eyktan wouldn’t be worth all of this? WOW! Heavy angst going on tonight it seems!

I think my favorite part about all of this, is that Neteyam is so insistent that Reader absolutely does not give a damn about him, but when Reader was talking to Loak and Kiri about their father’s unfairness he was the first thing she mentioned. "But that's unfair." You let out a groan, lips turning into a deep frown. "Especially to you and Neteyam." LIKE HELLOOO yall needa stop playing im about to pull out the get-along-shirt! They really are just two different sides of the same coin and ugh i love em both theyre just hurting so badd <<//333

yes bby, feed me sum more !1!11!

i'd rlly love to explore more of their relationship, but yk, a talk is all they need. sibling angst is such a huge and hurtful concept and i love every bit of it- they are so alike, as much as they don't think so. nete would rather see her as a stranger rather than a sister because he thinks it stings less that way. but the fact that a sister is all he ever needs too is !!!!!!!!!

also that parallel !! jesus, they both care for each other. in a way, they watch each other's backs w/o them even knowing AND IT HURTS SO BAD bec they think rivalry is all they have. promise i'm gonna make it better for them (i have to make it hurt first tho , , ,,, ) IM SO EXCITED

[nosleepwriting]

What WN means to me:

i watched it initially for Avatrice, ofc i did. one day during lockdown i randomly saw a crack vid of avatrice and decided to watch it. not even knowing if they end up together or if they kiss or if they become canon. i didnt watch the whole vid so i wont spoil everything, which was weird because ever since lexa, i dont watch shows without knowing that the sapphic couple would be together and happy.

did you know where i stopped? i stopped during the part where ava phased out of the wall, breathless and scared, and beatrice was there to catch her. maybe it was the way she looked, the way kristina's eyes shined as beatrice holding alba's ava in her hands that convinced me that yup these two are in love. or at least bea is. this isnt a crack ship. this is real.

so i watched s1. tbh, im one of the people who thought s1 was slow bec if im being rlly honest, i watched it for avatrice. but i wasnt expecting to love ava, that running on the beach scene loving life, alba's acting of laughing and crying and breathless under the stars with the sand below her and the ocean just in front, and watching THAT during the fucking pandemic ???? that saved me from a lot of dark thoughts swirling in my head. i wasnt expecting a family. a real found family that even when mary and lilith were fighting each other to death you can tell that there's love, there's history. there's sisterhood. i wasnt expecting that from a show with 'Warrior Nun' as a title. and not bec i thought it was silly but bec i thought it was one of those female-led show made for men.

long story short, i finished it. search tumblr for a bit for content, then twitter, then ao3, as one usually does and then nothing. i moved on, peacefully. even if that s1 cliffhanger was far from peaceful. bec i was sure there would be an s2 with that kind of ending. i went on with my life and continued to consume other media.

until october 2022. i didnt even knew they were filming s2. i saw the s2 trailer in yt randomly again. there they were. dancing. i was like how did these two go from fighting an angel?-jesus-like-incarnate in s1 to dancing casually in a bar?? i was scared at first, maybe this isnt the same show that i'll come back to bec lets be honest most s2 of a really good s1 most of a time is a let down. but then i saw the "your jealous" "that's absurd" part and i was like yup those two are in love and im going to watch this just so i can see how they do it.

for extra context (i know this is getting super long but i honestly dont care im doing this for me), im reviewing for the boards and getting invested in anything other than my studies would be really bad. i was catious with what media to consume because i need to focus on my studies. even so, i watched the final ep for context and carry the feeling before watching the first episode. the legendary fucking first episode. the hands behind teasing walk, the kiss cheek, the dance, the stare (i dont have to explain this, u know what im talking about) i replayed all of those moments 10 times bec WOW they weren't holding back.

then everything else. the little moments leading to the big ones were satisfying and so perfectly excuted that i cant even watch it with my girlfriend bec she gets mad that i keep repeating the scenes and slowing them down to take it all in. halfway through s2, i knew i was gonna watch it again. and i only really did that for 2 other shows (shera and the wilds s1, atla and tlok dont count bec i rewatch them periodically and not right after finishing) but u know what i didnt do to those other two that i did with warrior nun? i watched it a third time in a bigger screen just so i can see more. i watched in a 4th time with my girlfriend. i watched it a 5th time just so i can move on with my life and i watched it a 6th time because i missed them and i can't. i watched it a 7th time because i won't. and at this point i lost count at how much i rewatched the show. i would stream it during studying just so i could have them on screen and be inspired with finishing so i can watch them.

im just really heartbroken right now. with all this.

[metfell]

wow. u rlly do struggle more than jesus . i hope u feel better soon :((

I SUFFER MORE THAN JESUS FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! luckily i finally have some cough medicine to stop the coughing thats the worst part i would be recovering so much better if i didnt cough and feel like it tore open the wound all over again. but yeah HOPEFULLY in a few days ill at least stop being sick.

dude im so mad tho my mom had to go tell our family that they probably have it too and that she did a covid test and my fucking aunt whos all q-anon'd up was like "ermmmm thats not FDA approved u kno ://///" like i am really gonna need you to shut the fuck up or im gonna crawl my way over to you and beat the fuck out of you woman

[sennaverstappendiary]

suzuka grand prix ✩ 24.09.2023

was kind of scared of this race‼️‼️🥺🥺 like was singapore truly a one off? or was there a fundemental issue with the new TD rule?? 🥺🥺🥺🙏🙏🙏 i was spooked!!! also!!! this is max's last race as a 25 year old 🥺🥺🥺🥺 yeah no i was... also looking at my prosenna obsession i rlly love this track + its history + this is of course where max won the wdc last year AND its maxs chance to win the wcc!!!

i'm not going to lie, that qualifying lap is one of the best laps from not only this season, but like, ever? idk but that boy got the DAWG in him‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥😵😵😵😵😵 like did yall see that??? man or machine??? man x machine... 😏😏😏💕💕💕💕 also the fan merch was sooo beautiful... need to make myself a max itabag ASAP‼️‼️‼️🙏🙏🌷🌷🌷✨✨😁😁🥰🥰🥰 nah but fr... what a fucking lap. i'm sorry i don't really feel like i need to add anything else because like. WHAT. A. LAP.

OKAYYYY lets fucking go. race day. suzuka. prosenna holy ground. those bitches had gay sex there. whatever. SUZUKA‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ my boy ayrton had a point, pole position is not the best position... unless ur max then u can get those two mclarens behind you NO problem 😁😁😁✨✨✨✨💌💌💌 nah but... wow amazing start showstopping!!! too bad checo immediately fucked it!!! twice!!! 😭😭😭😭 red bull my evil beautiful team... wdym ur gonna dnf him and then UNDNF HIM??? to not get a penalty next race... jonathan ur fucking COOKING 😵😵🙏🙏🙏‼️‼️‼️‼️ jesus this race was SO fun. i forgot half of it bc it was at unholy 7 am in the netherlands but... SO FUN. ALSO YEAH!!! we won the fucking championship!!! first race i cried at‼️‼️‼️🥺🥺🥺🥺 love love love them so so much... 💌💌💌💌 when max kissed the trophy i almost threw up... never thought id be jealous of a trophy but we ball

✩ song of the race: we are the champions - queen

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺👑👑👑👑👑🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾💘💘💘💕💕🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️

✩ extra: a small photodump

[flower-blooming-in-hell]

and honestly like.... whatever, at this point.

im sick and tired of worrying more abt them than myself

and im tired of them gaslighting and manipulating me

and im tired of them pushing all the blame onto me and making me feel like im insane for feeling this way

i WASNT a saint in our relationship!

but i very strongly maintain the fact that i only ever did things that they told me they were okay with

like. i ALWAYS stopped when they told me to

(even if i was confused bc they told me prior that they wanted me to keep doing that specific behvaior, only to backtrack n say they hated it when i did that)

like... jesus christ they rlly did just treat me in a way they never treated anyone else

nobody else that they got into a relationship with had a "trial by fire" entry

i struggled HARD in our relationship, the ENTIRE way through

like yeah part of that is my aromanticism, but a far larger part is them literally traumatizing me

i genuinely never wouldve had this reaction either if like. i hadnt

a) figured out that there was a strong timeline incongnruency (we started dating in 2014. im not crazy. im NOT crazy. their excuse of "well we were qpps beforehand" doesnt fucking matter we called each other qpps WELL into 2015 and beyond - i would know, i checked our old blogs out. also thats arophobic lol qpps are committed relationships just like romantic partners are)

b) been told that one of their current alters had left-over traits from hyde. like. i was fully convinced before this point that hyde was a spiritual alter, not an actual part of them. i was abused by hyde. he was the one alter they had that i pointed to and said that i was abused by him. they said they were abused by him too. i was intimate with that alter before i ever knew this info. im still rlly upset abt this. like. at some point, at least one of your alters KNEW. i have no clue how quickly i was told. but i just. i cant wrap my head around this lol. like wow. youre always the one preaching abt system responsibility but you have never apologized or tried to repair what hyde broke. hyde was literally a part of you. his traits are part of you. part of you hurt me so bad that i honest to god have PTSD now.

NOT TO MENTION. ari was abusive to me too tbh not even gonna like. minimize that

were they abusive in the same way as hyde? no. but they also abused me

i was never the one in control in that relationship, there was never a sense of me being the one holding more of the power

we literally joked that ari was the one who wore the pants. i was always the one changing my behavior to match their needs - it was never the other way around. they encouraged me to act yandere. they encouraged me to have no boundaries between us. literally they are the whole reason i had a scare abt possibly feeling incestuous feelings irl towards my older family members in the first place

i was literally probably at the tail end of 12 when we met, and DEFINITELY at MAX i was 13.

hyde was my introduction to bdsm, tossing me into CG/L, with me as the little. he emphasized my youth and innocence and his desire to corrupt me into a more mature sexy femme fatale type. I WAS LITERALLY THIRTEEN.

ari wanted me to be their actual mom. I WAS YOUNGER THAN THEM BY A YEAR AND A HALF? I WAS A CHILD/PRETEEN WHEN WE FIRST MET? I NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN PUSHED INTO THAT ROLE

like. being a mommy NEVER came naturally to me

not to mention me feeling like i wasnt allowed to regress or feel young around them - i never felt safe enough to

also bc ari would pitch a fit abt my child alters being out around them bc they said they were scared of children

which - fun fact - they never had that issue with our other friends

like... god. im just angry. its that feeling of like. "why can they treat other people like that but im always relegated to second best and back up?"

just. FUCK. wow

just. aughhhh

i want to know why everyone else got to see the bulk of their good side while i only ever got crumbs tossed my way

also like... ugh. idk

i dont owe them an explanation. i dont want them in my life anymore.

i already uninstalled discord off of my pc and phone

i feel a lot better bc of that

everythings on a new notes app im using now!

i just need to organize it lol

[ghostboyhood]

this kids voice sounds like it belongs to a 40 year old

THERES CARY ELWES!! PLEASEEE HES SO PRETTY 😭😭

holy fucking shit woah oh my god, it was probably one of the boys who got caught at the beginning 😕 yeah it was

bright ass blue eyes jesus christ

help bennett is so pretty.. the gender envy is kinda wild

oh wow the little boys voice is so nice

we should start naming kids "guy" again i think we're missing out

im going to blow my brains out i need to be a man sorry this movie is making me incredibly dysphoric

trauma dumping king

HELP THATS A WILD WAY TO DIE 😭😭

stop wait theyre so cute

bennett i love you so so much

"if i wasnt in love with james id be in love with you"

ougsghhh

fucking exactly what bennett said.

i cant keep watching gay ppl struggle im gonna lose it

oh goddamnit of course

oughhh that was a rlly good movie

i think if u like dps u should watch it.. its not necessarily the same but i think ppl would like it

watching another country 🤭🤭

young cary elwes AAAAA im excited love him

[tirednotflirting]

the last 72 hours of my life have all just felt like one rlly long day and i am gonna be so fucked at work tomorrow bc i literally cannot focus on any single task or thing for longer than about 5 min

[peachychimu]

🔷 Irises

Summary: You and Yoongi hate each other but somehow you still have feelings for him. 

Pairing: Painter!Yoongi x reader

Genre:  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) u kno 

Words: 5k 

A/N: I really like ‘enemies to lovers’ fanfictions so I decided to write one. I hope you like it. I apologize for any errors.

"It looks more like a shit than a stone." Yoongi said critically, pointing at your incomplete painting, his slim finger circling around the grey thing as he was standing behind you. Flustered, you nodded but the blonde clicked his tongue, before grabbing your hand where you kept paintbrush, his hot breath ghosting over your skin when he whispered.

"Close your eyes and imagine that fucking stone. Sharp edges, texture, roughness... it's not that difficult. Even children can do it better. Give it some stick for God's sake because now you just fuck around. With that attitude you can leave the class.”  he hissed. Hopelessness devoured you completely and you could only hear rumble of your heartbeat, cheeks burning shamelessly. You didn't have enough courage to look up at your teacher, even if some internal voice was telling you to scream at the man. After all, you were just a newbie!

Impassive Yoongi continued his lecture on painting landscapes, telling characteristics of oil paint that you used during that lesson. He was standing in front of his students, boring expression scanning each of them. His pants were covered with paint, as well his loose blouse that was literally hanging on his arms. The man was incredibly sexy; with those dark eyes and plump, shining lips he was attracting many people. But under that handsomeness the blonde was just a big dickhead and that's all.

Yoongi showed few oil paintings: Dedham Vale, Landscape with Charon Crossing the Styx, The Giant Mountains... they all were very beautiful, detailed and just perfect, your own works will never be as great as them. With a pouty face you looked down at your painting, seeing meadow covered with thousand tiny flowers and that ill-fated stone painted in the middle of the canvas. You sighed; your dreams of becoming a painter just jumped out of the window.

The man demonstrated his own painting that he had been working on for couple of past day. It presented winter landscape - the pines were covered with heavy snow, branches almost breaking under the weight of a white fluff. There was also an frozen river, ice shining brightly, reflecting sunlight. In the far distance you could spot cottage, smoke coming out of the chimney. You couldn’t look away.

Suddenly he clapped his hands to get attention and silence the student.

"That's all for today. Remember to practice every day.” Yoongi said that caused you to stand up and leave his apartment as quickly as possible, not wanting to meet the blonde’s gaze.

"Oh c'mon Y/N! You are doing so well! You can't quit just because of him! Yoongi is a good teacher, believe me. He's a little bit austere... I would say. But after all, he's definitely not a dickhead but a kindhearted man that is just introverted..."

"What the fuck, Iryda? He's always so mean to me! I can't take it anymore!" you yelled, slightly resentful. You two were sitting in your common living room, your best friend wrapped around thick blankets looking like a burrito as she was trying to convince you that Yoongi wasn't bad at all.

The urge of going back and slapping the man was growing inside of you with every minute but you decided to stay at home and try to get over it.

The girl looked up at you, smiling softly. Her features were emphasized by a sunlight that was coming through the window.

"Hey, Y/N. You’ve always wanted to be a painter, right? You are doing such a great job, I can see improvements day by day. Yoongi is my friend, we work together and I know him well. You can't just leave him like that." she said and you snorted before glancing at your painting that was waiting for you in the corner. Unfinished.

"It has been your 7th class so far. You are getting better. And just because he's strict doesn't mean that he hates you. He sees your potential. That's all." your best friend stood up, hugging you from behind, her chin resting on your tensed shoulder as she whispered.

"And by the way, your stone doesn't look like a shit. Just add more shadow to receive a cohesive look and it's going to be great."

Iryda was painter too. Her hands could create work of art, straight from heaven, so beautiful and nostalgic. She was into portraits - walls of your apartment were covered with paintings of random people, their faces painted with such a remarkable precision. If you got closer, you could see millions strands of hair, wrinkles and the texture of the skin that looked so real. Those strangers were showing particular emotions - rage, sadness, happiness, desire ... you loved them and you had never complained about the number of paintings that was increasing every month.

Of course, you were jealous. Iryda and Yoongi were doing things that they loved while you had chosen safer way by going to university. You liked psychology but... art had been always your first love.

You didn't have a talent, but you were too desperate to just give up and accept the fact. After all, only hard work was the key to success.

So, you decided to work even harder to show Yoongi that you weren't lazy at all. Even if Iryda assured you that the man liked you, you still couldn't get over his hurtful words that had been rumbling in your head since the last lesson. There was a sting in your heart and bitterness that devoured your mind because you wanted to impress him and he was just being an arrogant asshole.

Wrrr

You painted whenever you had time. It was kind of hard to combine your hobby with studying, but you managed to spare few hours for painting every day, even if sometimes you were literally dying from tiredness, in front of your canvas. At the end of a week, you finished two works (one including that stone). You were really proud of yourself, seeing clear improvements. Of course, it wasn't as good as Yoongi's ones and you weren't next Van Gogh but both images were just simply okay.

Tomorrow was the next lesson of your art course. You were slightly excited, sitting in your room at 2 am and preparing a gift for Yoongi. A very special one.

No matter how many times you had called him a dick, asshole or the like you still liked him. Somehow. The blonde had that sparkle in his eyes and you just couldn't help but think about him more and more, even if you didn't want to, your brain always remanding you about unwanted consequences of falling for the man. You decided to give him one of your paintings, to show that you are more than just a silly girl.

You painted irises. Thousands blue flowers scattered on a field that were looking like a huge carpet, freshly cut grass being an intense deep green stain that contrasted with nostalgic blooms and sky which was light and soft. Thick clouds resembled candy floss and you added few butterflies to receive a nice, fresh, rural look. You didn't forget about details like golden dots on a flowers' petals which looked like a rich  loom or shadows and intensity of colors. The painting looked real and you couldn't wait to give it to Yoongi.

"Woah, it's so beautiful." you heard Iryda's voice behind you and you turned to girl, smiling proudly. She was wearing satin pajamas, her long hair cascading down the chest.

"Ahh, thanks. I tried very hard."

She came closer, with her lips open admiring your work, long fingers of the girl tracing lines of flowers in air.

"I love it. Will you hang it on the wall? It would look nice in the kitchen..."

"Sorry, but I'm giving it to Yoongi."

Iryda immediately turned to you, her facial expression showed surprise. She sat up, grabbing your hands.

"Oh my god, honey... I can't believe that you... finally understand that he isn't bad at all...I'm-"

"No, I still think that he's a jackass. I just wanna give him my painting to show that I can paint too. Maybe he will finally fuck off."

You didn't mean everything that you had said but you didn't want to chuck in the towel as well, so you decided to be stubborn bitch like always. His words hurt, but you wanted him to see you, pay attention to you and just be near you.

"Okay, just don't kill him." Iryda sighed, before she kissed your forehead and left the room.

You cocked your head to the painting and smiled softly at the thought of tomorrow's lesson. Tingles of excitements washed over you and you knew, that you won't get any sleep that night.

Drops of rain were bouncing off your black umbrella as you were heading to Yoongi's apartment, hurriedly trotting down the empty street. You kept tightly your paintings that were in a big folder which was even covered with your scarf, scared that the rain could damage it. Puffs were coming out of your mouth and your hair was a big mess but you didn't care. After several minutes, you found yourself in Yoongi's apartment, panting like a dog. You had expected other students but the place was completely empty, only soft music playing in the distance. Were you late?

Carefully, you placed the folder on the floor, before looking at your watch - 4:01 pm. You weren't late at all, so where were others? Where was Yoongi?

You sighed; maybe the lesson had been canceled before you came? Then, why had no one called you?

Ugh, selfish dickheads. you thought.

You sat down, deciding to wait few minutes. The room seemed to be intact - the floor was clear without any paint stains and fresh canvases were still waiting for students in the corner. There was no chemical smell that was usually filling the air, but cherry, intense scent that surprised you a little bit. Yoongi's workplace was tidy and neat too, his brushes and colors mixing pallets were clean, laying on his small table that also looked like a new one.

Without those paint stains, dirt and chemical smell the room didn't have this special aura that you loved. Everything was so... insipid and boring.

"What are you doing here, brat?" you suddenly heard raspy voice, coming from behind. The harsh tone made your back straighten and you turned to the man, already knowing that it was Yoongi.

He was wearing tight, black shirt that emphasized his muscles and pants in the same colour. His jaw was clenched and the man gave you stern look as he approached to you.

"Week ago, I said that today's class is canceled. Didn't you listen to me?" the blonde said and you just shrugged, trying to not look nervous (even if you were a total mess inside).

Yoongi inhaled harshly and the blonde seemed to be angry at you. He was about to explode.

"Aish you are so stupid! Go away!”

The man went to his workplace and sat down. He turned the music up before started mixing few colors with each other, humming as if he was alone.

Your cheeks became red and you had never been this mad in your whole life. How could he just ignore you while you were still there, sitting like an idiot? You wanted to punch him, scream at him, destroy all his paintings and bury him alive. This fucker was treating you like a shit!

The blood was pumping in your veins like a crazy and you didn't hear anything but your own heartbeat. You clenched your fists, knuckles turning white as you approached to the random vase and threw it straight at the wall, making Yoongi slightly jump.

"What the-"

"Can you do me a favor and stop being an asshole? I've been trying so hard to impress you since the first fucking class but you are always so mean to me. What did I do? Why do you hate me so much?!" you screamed, tears blurring your vision.

"And stop ignoring me, y-you, you.. wrr!"

Yoongi seemed totally unaffected by your words, his cold eyes locked with your puffy face.

You grabbed your folder, pulling out your painting and showing to Yoongi.

"I wanted to give you a gift... and show that I can do something more than just fuck around. You don't like it, do you? I don't care anymore. Here..." you placed it on the man's table with a crooked smile.

"You can shove it up your ass." you drawled out, before grabbing your things and leaving the place.

"Son of a gun."

"Oh my lord, ..." Iryda said as she heard about your 'little accident' that had happened at Yoongi's apartment. She gave you a cup of tea, still listening you with astonishment, occasionally putting her hands on top of yours, hoping that it will calm you. However, you were like an active volcano- still angry and ready to explode again.

"It was his favorite vase..." your friend mumbled but you just shrugged, sipping the hot drink.

"I don't fucking care."

Iryda leaned back in chair, looking at you with a fatigue in her eyes.

"So you won't attend next class?"

"Nope, I don't want to see that asshole again."

"Ehh, sometimes you're impossible."

She shook his head before starting washing dishes and you felt slightly guilty for making her upset. But after all... it was Yoongi's fault. You just made a little mess there, nothing more.

"I'm going to my parents for few days..."she said.

"I hope you will feel better when I come back.”

The next few days were boring, you missed Iryda and her presence, especially during that 'hard' time when you were at a loss. You were debating if you should apologize to Yoongi or maybe still hold grudges and not concede. The blonde probably hated you even more so you decided (after hours of thinking) that you will just try to forget about the whole thing and busy yourself with work.

You sat down on your bed, tired after cleaning your always messy room. There was so many new paintings but too little space to keep them in one corner so you decided to organize things that were unnecessarily taking up space. You hung them on your walls, mounting in nice frames that matched with the style of your room. Everything looked nice and aesthetically pleasing - you felt refreshed as well, heaviness finally had left your chest.

Pulling out the cigarette, you lit it, smoke filling your nostrils. You breathed out, eyes closed as your face was bathed in an intense orange glow of a sunset that was coming through the window. You could hear the distant sounds of your city and you hummed, delighted by the calm moment.

After several minutes, you got closer to one of your painting, being proud of your work. It presented narcissi (because you were pretty into flowers), the white field meeting with a purple sky on the horizon. Among blossoms there was a man that was picking them up, his bare arms shiny with sweat. He looked distressed and pensive, as if he was lost in that field. You were in love with the sky - such a nostalgic blur of pink, baby blue mixed with deep purple

The next painting showed two sisters. The one on the left side had dark, thick hair and alabaster skin. Her eyes were black like charcoal, staring intensely at you, there was a burning jealousy in them. The girl had strong facial features as if they were carved out of marble, her lips pursed into thin line. However, she was beautiful - hypnotizing and mystery you could say.

Her sister looked like nymph - violet eyes, platinum, shining hair that was braided and slightly flushed skin. She was smiling softly like a pure, innocent angel, the whole posture of a girl was bright and fresh. The blonde looked nostalgic yet romantic as she was in love, infatuated with stranger that was standing in front of her.

The girls were surrounded by raspberry bushes, deeply red fruits resembling blood stains.

You loved the contrast between two girls and mysterious atmosphere which was filling the space. There was something unnatural in that painting that caused you to not throw it and proudly hang it on your wall.

You almost came closer to the next piece of work but all of a sudden you heard doorbell, loud sound reverberated in your apartment. Unexpected guest? Maybe it was Iryda?

The stranger started knocking so you went to your door, opening it with a hint of hesitation. Surprisingly, you saw... Yoongi.

The blonde was nonchalantly standing on the doorstep, his eyes boringly looking at you. Yoongi was wearing white loose t-shirt, black and black, skinny jeans. His bright hair were messy but you found them cute.

"What do you want?" you said coldly, dragging cigarette. Yoongi snorted as if tone of your voice amused him.

"I need to talk to Iryda. Is she here? It's important." he said but you just shook your head, blowing smoke at Yoongi that caused him to frown.

"You are behaving like a bitch. What did I even do to you?"

"What did you just call me?!"

"Y/N I don't want to argue here, is Iryda here?”

“No, she will be back in few days.”

“May I come in?”

You bit your bottom lip, thinking; that was probably something important since Yoongi visited your apartment rarely, usually when you were out. You didn't want to see him but you didn't want Iryda to be mad as well. So, you decided to lean back and mumble quiet -

"Yeah.”

Yoongi sent you a boyish smirk before he entered your apartment, strong cologne filled your nostrils as the blonde crossed threshold.

You followed the man, watching him admiring new works that were hanging on walls. His plump lips were slightly open, eyes scanning every painting with a passion and delight.

"Iryda is so talented..." he whispered and you hummed in response, coming closer to Yoongi, even if your mind was screaming to go back to your safe zone.

"I know right? I love her style. It's so unique and gorgeous. You want to stare at her paintings all day and night and still be not over them. They are just so... beautiful."

Yoongi nodded, his arm brushing against yours, slight touch setting your skin on fire.

Every hair rose and the silence had never been that loud.

"I'm sorry. For words that I said and for things that I did." the words slipped out from your mouth uncontrollably and immediately your cheeks flamed in shame. Your body frizzed and you even thought that maybe you just imagine it but then Yoongi cocked his head, staring at you with a calm facial expression.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too. I was an asshole." he said.

You decided to stub out the cigarette, pressing the tip against the ashtray and watching the rising smoke.

"But you weren't an angel too. You broke my favorite vase."

You snorted and after you had gotten enough guts up, you turned to the boy, meeting with his warm smile that you had never seen before.

"I can buy you a new one. Or do whatever you want."

Okay, the last sentence was kind of risky.

The man laughed dryly.

"Really? Everything?"

"I mean... yeah I guess."

Yoongi brushed away messy strands of his light hair, thinking.

"Everything... hmm, okay. Kiss me and we're okay, sweetheart."

You opened your mouth, shocked by his choice, flames igniting inside of you.

"W-what? No, no! I didn't mean everything like kissing or the like!" you protested but the man shook his head, smiling widely.

"You said: everything. That includes kissing too."

Your heart started beating like a mad; you had always wanted to kiss the man. There was no return then and you didn't have a choice.

"Okay, but don't think that something other will happen uhm between us."

"We will see baby." he sent you a devilish smirk and you groaned, already annoyed by his behavior. However, you felt kind of hot and bothered even if you didn't want to admit it. Yoongi looked incredibly sexy and you tried your best to not stare at his bare collarbones.

After few minutes of silence, you slowly got closer to Yoongi, his hot breath ghosting over your skin. The man was looking at you with a burning desire in his dark eyes. You were about to faint, so close to the blonde that there was no space between you two, his chest touching yours. Growing tension in the room was palpable and the atmosphere became stifling and hot as if there was no air.

Your lips brushed against his moist ones, your movements timid. Yoongi's hand touched your waist, pulling your body to him even more, his tongue starting to explore your mouth.

Yoongi tasted like cherries mixed with some forest fruits, the flavor very sweet, resembling candies. It was almost exaggerated but you liked it anyway, still wanting more. Your fingers sank into his soft blonde lock as you deepened the kiss, Yoongi smirking in response.

The man bit your bottom lip and you whimpered at the slight pain. However, he quickly closed the wound with his wet tongue.

The kiss wasn't enough so you started moving your hips, brushing against his length that started erecting, interested.

"Oh, you little bastard." he laughed dryly at your movements, his mouth travelling down to your artery that was pulsing fast beneath his pink lips. The man started licking your skin then sucking it harshly to create blooming flowers that will cover your neck and show others that you were his. You moaned at the feeling, your nails scratching Yoongi's scalp.

"What about our promise, huh?" you said hoarsely and the man snorted, his hand cupping your breast.

"You don't seem to not enjoy it, am I right or am I right?"

"Ha, you are right."

Yoongi started fondling your ass, while his hand squeezed your other breast, making you moan. He stopped for a moment just to take off his t-shirt, revealing shining with sweat chest, his muscles not exaggerated, just right. You couldn't help but touch his stomach, feeling those carved abs under your fingertips.

"You like it, huh?"

The man pulled off his pants as well and you licked lips at the glorious sight in front of you. You could see outlines of his erect dick and gosh, he seemed to be so big and hard. It made you even more wet.

Your fingers pulled at the waistband of Yoongi's boxers, lashes fluttered coquettishly.

"Someone's already horny." the blonde whispered, nibbling your earlobe. His hand grabbed yours before placing it on the shaft; he was hot, pulsing beneath your palm. You breathed out loudly and the blonde smirked, his tongue licking your collarbone.

"You know what to do, baby doll." his words were like a sharp knife cutting through you and you let out a whimper, needing to rub thighs against each other to get some friction, juices dripping down your legs. He lifted your skirt, fingers playing with your black panties to tease you a little bit. You let out a shameful moan and he smirked. He pressed his thumb on your clitoris, making you tremble, knots tightening in your abdomen. After a while the man slipped your panties off, feeling your wetness coating his fingers that were dancing between your folds.

"C'mon, don't be shy. Play with daddy's cock."

you gulped at his words. The man looked so dominant then that you couldn't just say no.

You gave his dick a light squeeze- not sure if he liked it or not. However, Yoongi immediately groaned after your hesitant movement, his hand grasped your neck, tightening the grip.

"Tighter." he growled, his raspy voice sending tingles to your pussy that was still teased by his fingers.

You did as he told you, slowly starting massaging his dick through the fabric. You earned a low groan and the pre-cum that soaked boxers covered your fingers. It was sticky and warm; you started pumping the length even faster, the man growling like a wolf at time to time, his teeth sinking in your soft skin.

Yoongi pushed his two fingers in your entrance, warmth welcoming his digits as he started stretching you out, sometimes "accidentally" brushing against your spongy g-spot. He scissored them inside of you, giving you even more pleasure. His thumb was doing lazy circles on your clit, pressing it down at time to time and you felt your orgasm coming, familiar flames licking your abdomen, making you squirm.

Yoongi let out a deep groan as he reached his own peak, his hot cum dirtying your fingers but you didn't mind, proud of yourself that you made your art teacher climax. You could see trickles of sweat running down his temples and fatigue in his eyes as he lifted his face to kiss you passionately.

He muffled your moans as you came, wetness splashing out on his hand. Your pussy clenched around his digits, desperately wanting to keep them in and not lose the feeling of fluffiness. Waves of pleasure washed over you and you didn't feel anything but an ecstasy that like a whip lashed your body and left you breathless.

"Oh my lord..." you breathed out, brushing away messy strands of your hair. Yoongi cupped your cheeks before violently crashing his lips into yours and you grabbed his arm, scared of falling down on the floor. His hands were all over your body - gripping your breasts, squeezing your thighs, playing with your ass... He was so hungry and nothing was enough - he wanted more, more, more

"I want to fuck you so hard, Y/N. I can't wait anymore." the blonde whispered, staring intensely at you, like a lion watching his prey.

Instead of responding you gave him a quick peck before grabbing his hand and running to your bedroom.

As you turned to the man, he immediately yanked off your t-shirt, throwing the cloth on the floor. The blonde quickly unclasped your bra (with your little help), immediately kissing your bare skin. His tongue swirled around your hardening nipple and you let out a moan at the feeling.

"Yoongi..." you whimpered and the man smirked, kissing your abdomen. He crouched as he slowly took off your skirt, finally seeing you completely naked.

"Goddess." he murmured with his eyes closed. The man's fingers danced up and down your thighs as his lips were brushing against your hip.

You groaned, starting to get impatient.

"Don't be cheesy and fuck me already." you said, laying on the bed. Yoongi snorted; the man shook his head but didn't say anything. He kissed your knee, spreading your legs, the man breathing out at the sight of your wet pussy, your folds already swollen after your first orgasm that night. The blonde wanted to lick you, taste those leaked juices that seemed to be delicious. However, he decided to just fuck you properly and wait for the next opportunity of eating you out.

You pulled out a condom and give it to Yoongi that smirked suggestively at the shining wrapper.

"What? Don't you know "Wrap it before you tap it" ?" you said and Yoongi burst into laughter while putting on a condom.

"Yeah, I know. Safety first."

Yoongi leaned down, his hands sinking into soft mattress. His warm tip brushed against your sensitive entrance and you tried your best to not moan again.

"Ahh, babe you feel so fucking good around me." he whispered, pushing into you, his limbs shaking. At the beginning the stretch was kind of uncomfortable but you quickly got used to it. He was big and hard, you could feel him pulsing as he was about to explode again. Your tight walls were embracing Yoongi's length deliciously, his cock brushing against your delicate area.

The blonde bit your earlobe as he started pumping harder, letting out a low grunts with every powerful thrust. The sound of a skin against the skin mixed with your own moans filled the room, Yoongi's heavy breathing ghosting over your neck. You brought your hands to his back, running your fingers down either side of the man's back, feeling tensed muscles. You sank your nails in the soft skin of the blonde to give yourself some support as Yoongi thrusted almost violently, trying to reach his own peak desperately.

"Oh god..." he groaned, grabbing your leg and lifting it up so he could thrust even deeply. The blonde attached his lips to your neck, sucking harshly and he felt your hips jerked, searching for your high.

Yoongi's hand travelled down to flick your bud between his fingers and you cried out, hot tears running down your cheeks. It was too much, you couldn't feel anything but the painful pleasure. Your toes curled and your thighs were trembling as your orgasm was getting closer, setting you on fire.

"Yoongi!" you screamed, every muscle tensing up as you came. Yoongi followed you, climaxing right after you with a low grunt. The blonde's weight dropped onto you, but you were too tired to complain, slightly scratching his scalp. The silence filled the space and the last thing that you remembered was Yoongi's calm breathing which lulled you to sleep.

"Good Morning, beautiful." you heard a deep voice purring next to your ear that immediately woke you up. As you opened your puffy eyes, you saw Yoongi smiling brightly, his hand cupping your cheek lovingly. His hair was wet and the man was wearing one of your jumpers that looked very cute on him.

"I made a breakfast for you." he said and you propped yourself on elbows to see pancakes and croissants with raspberries placed on tray.

"Thank you." you gave him a quick peck, fingers interlacing with his. You still couldn't believe that actual Min Yoongi was sitting next to you, wearing your clothes and smiling like an angel. Maybe that was just a silly dream?

As you started eating breakfast, the blonde cleared his throat, before speaking. His cheeks slightly flushed.

“Your paintings are amazing, I love all of them. They are very beautiful and mystic. I thought that they belong to Iryda but then I saw your signature in corner. I was surprised, but now I'm just so fucking happy that you do what you love, even if I told you that it's not for you. I'm sorry." he said but you just shook your head.

"Nah, it's okay. I forgive you."

The blonde suddenly stood up, grabbing his folder. He pulled out your work, smiling softly. Your eyes widened, your jaw dropped.  

"I think you forgot something. I want it to be here, it's yours after all."

It was your painting of Irises.

[shonaegi]