#i wanna watch s1 and s2 again bec i miss them

[nosleepwriting]

What WN means to me:

i watched it initially for Avatrice, ofc i did. one day during lockdown i randomly saw a crack vid of avatrice and decided to watch it. not even knowing if they end up together or if they kiss or if they become canon. i didnt watch the whole vid so i wont spoil everything, which was weird because ever since lexa, i dont watch shows without knowing that the sapphic couple would be together and happy.

did you know where i stopped? i stopped during the part where ava phased out of the wall, breathless and scared, and beatrice was there to catch her. maybe it was the way she looked, the way kristina's eyes shined as beatrice holding alba's ava in her hands that convinced me that yup these two are in love. or at least bea is. this isnt a crack ship. this is real.

so i watched s1. tbh, im one of the people who thought s1 was slow bec if im being rlly honest, i watched it for avatrice. but i wasnt expecting to love ava, that running on the beach scene loving life, alba's acting of laughing and crying and breathless under the stars with the sand below her and the ocean just in front, and watching THAT during the fucking pandemic ???? that saved me from a lot of dark thoughts swirling in my head. i wasnt expecting a family. a real found family that even when mary and lilith were fighting each other to death you can tell that there's love, there's history. there's sisterhood. i wasnt expecting that from a show with 'Warrior Nun' as a title. and not bec i thought it was silly but bec i thought it was one of those female-led show made for men.

long story short, i finished it. search tumblr for a bit for content, then twitter, then ao3, as one usually does and then nothing. i moved on, peacefully. even if that s1 cliffhanger was far from peaceful. bec i was sure there would be an s2 with that kind of ending. i went on with my life and continued to consume other media.

until october 2022. i didnt even knew they were filming s2. i saw the s2 trailer in yt randomly again. there they were. dancing. i was like how did these two go from fighting an angel?-jesus-like-incarnate in s1 to dancing casually in a bar?? i was scared at first, maybe this isnt the same show that i'll come back to bec lets be honest most s2 of a really good s1 most of a time is a let down. but then i saw the "your jealous" "that's absurd" part and i was like yup those two are in love and im going to watch this just so i can see how they do it.

for extra context (i know this is getting super long but i honestly dont care im doing this for me), im reviewing for the boards and getting invested in anything other than my studies would be really bad. i was catious with what media to consume because i need to focus on my studies. even so, i watched the final ep for context and carry the feeling before watching the first episode. the legendary fucking first episode. the hands behind teasing walk, the kiss cheek, the dance, the stare (i dont have to explain this, u know what im talking about) i replayed all of those moments 10 times bec WOW they weren't holding back.

then everything else. the little moments leading to the big ones were satisfying and so perfectly excuted that i cant even watch it with my girlfriend bec she gets mad that i keep repeating the scenes and slowing them down to take it all in. halfway through s2, i knew i was gonna watch it again. and i only really did that for 2 other shows (shera and the wilds s1, atla and tlok dont count bec i rewatch them periodically and not right after finishing) but u know what i didnt do to those other two that i did with warrior nun? i watched it a third time in a bigger screen just so i can see more. i watched in a 4th time with my girlfriend. i watched it a 5th time just so i can move on with my life and i watched it a 6th time because i missed them and i can't. i watched it a 7th time because i won't. and at this point i lost count at how much i rewatched the show. i would stream it during studying just so i could have them on screen and be inspired with finishing so i can watch them.

im just really heartbroken right now. with all this.

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).