#wow i have to stop obsessing exclusively over OLD MEN

[allseeingharlequin]

Thinking about Oscar calling Noel "Charles" and Noel being like "Charles???... Oh shit- Yes! That is definitely my name because that's what Charlie is short for"

The implication is that he's trans and forgot that Charlie is a nickname for Charles ... In case that wasn't obvious

Btw thank you @lordofthesoups for introducing me to the hc of Noel being trans

ALSO go look at his wonderful drawings of Noel with top surgery scars posted to @arthur-lesters-spinal-cord

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #239

i just want to sincerely apologize if my surveys take a negative nosedive again. i know this one’s kinda grim and i don’t want to make that a routine, but things are just rough right now and i’m not gonna lie on a survey, y’know.

Do you know anyone who works at McDonald’s? Not that I'm aware of. Do you know anyone who plays heaps of sports? Probably through school. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Where do your cousins live? Aaaaaaall over the U.S. Have you met any of your second cousins? Possibly at some point? Do you like the All-American Rejects? I like "Move Along" and "It Ends Tonight" is good, but that's all off the top of my head. Oh wait, of course there's "Gives You Hell." When was the last time you wore a skirt? WOW I have ZERO clue. Probably not since elementary years. Have you ever finished a whole video game? Plenty. If so, which one(s)? There are way too many. Do you know anyone with a pet snake? Me, Sara, probably others. Which one of your friends has great music taste? Sara. Was the last person you hung out with single? That would be my young niece and nephew... so yeah. Have you ever attended a private school? I'm a private college now. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No, thank Christ. Have you ever cooked for anyone other than yourself? I made breakfast for Sara once. If your phone has a hole for phone charms, is it on the left or right side? I don't have one. Would you rather live in the city, the suburbs, or the rural area? Kinda like... suburban mixed with rural. I don't wanna be totally isolated, particularly away from necessary stores and such, but I also do NOT wanna be swarmed by people. Maybe like a loose neighborhood in the woods outside a small town? Do you know someone who is really ambidextrous? Sara. Did you use a pencil today? No. Are you adopted? Nope. Have you ever had your car break down on you? Never when I've driven, not that that's been much. With Mom, yes. Dad, idr. Jason's prom night, yeah; his truck broke down otw home at a stop light. Oof. Who was the last person that cried in your presence? My mom. It's the worst. When was the last time you ate at your favorite restaurant? Oh wow, probably not since my last birthday. What was the last thing someone gave you? A close family friend/my former teacher lent me a $20 just in case I needed anything while my mom was up in NY. Can you write your name in a foreign language? My first name (at least) is the same in German; even though "y" doesn't exist in the language, I guess it does for foreign names?? Idk about my last name. Who is the person you often go to for venting? Sara. Do you keep an actual journal or diary? No, not anymore. I did briefly when I had that WILD and totally random Jason obsession episode, but once I came off that godawful medicine and I went back to normal, I deleted it. Have you ever been prescribed Vicodin? That sounds very familiar... Maybe? Perhaps that's what was prescribed after my surgery? Have you ever cheated on someone without them finding out about it? Well considering I've never cheated and never would, I can't answer this. Was the last person you kissed male or female? Female. Who were you with the last time you went swimming? Colleen, at the beach. Does your dining table currently have place mats on it? No; we don't even eat at it. What was the last thing you cooked in an oven? I myself have literally never used an oven. I'm scared to. Oh wait, yeah I have... on some occasions where Mom needed me to put something in there or take something out, but idr what. But boy and I can tell you without memory that I was jumpy as hell about it. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? No. It's difficult for me to like-like people, especially men when you consider I'm generally afraid of them, on top of I'm just paranoid and don't trust easily. Do you prefer wheat or white bread? Wheat. Do you have an electric toothbrush? No, but coincidentally, I actually have that on my Christmas wishlist. Have you ever had an “exotic” or “abnormal” pet? Do you consider a Chinese water dragon "exotic?" Then I have a ball python morph. Have you ever eaten lobster? No, and considering crab is nauseating, I doubt lobster would be too different. What is your grade point average (if you’re still in school)? I don't know right now and don't know where to find it. Have you ever played croquet? Oh yeah. My sisters and I LOVED that shit as kids. Who was the last person you called? Dad. Have you ever watched Ghostbusters? No, believe it or not. When was the last time you drew a picture? Yikes... been a while. Not since I started a concept drawing of encompassing a panic attack in a meerkat form, as I tend to do. I haven't touched it in months. It's right on the second shelf of the table beside me, so... my only remaining excuse as to not finish it is that the paper is horribly wrinkled now. Are you happy? Not exactly. Should you be doing something now? I could be doing the practice exam work my math professor gave us all considering it's extra credit, but. Yeah. I'm absolutely awful at math and barely passing but I don't exactly need another stressor right now. Is there a smoke detector on every floor of your house? We only have one floor. What was the last kind of soup you ate? I tried vegetable soup anyway when I got my tongue pierced because I literally could not eat solids for over a week, but I'm a picky asshole who didn't like it so wasted the can. I had to survive almost exclusively on meal replacement shakes and popsicles. Warning from the wise: you want your tongue pierced? You better fucking want it bad because healing is a P R O C E S S. Or at least mine was, having to get it re-done and all... Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever went a year without getting your hair cut? I don't think a year... but maybe? Do you think you could go a week without sugar? Considering sugar is in like... EVERYTHING, probably no? Would you be willing to go one day each week without meat? I don't really pay attention, but I probably already do. I'd like to eat as little meat as possible. Hell, I wish I could go full-on vegan. Do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? NO. Do you have any talents that your friends don’t know about? No. Are you any good at sewing? Never tried, not interested. Has anyone ever interviewed you about one of your hobbies/talents? No. Would you ever consider experimenting with drugs? Marijuana for medical purposes if I didn't have to smoke it. I'm not smoking anything, I don't care what it is. What’s been tugging on your heart lately? I guess life in general. Mortality, death. Teddy died in my arms, I saw my grandmother physically ravaged by cancer, and just life hasn't been the kindest lately. I've been thinking about how time just flies, how every moment should be cherished even though it's so fucking hard, and just yeah. I don't wanna go down this rabbit hole. Are you comfortable with who you are? Have you accepted who you are? I don't know dude I shouldn't be taking a survey during like an existential crisis lol. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Decided to get some really unhealthy fries with my dinner. Would you have sex with the last person you texted? It's not a matter of "would," I want to. I may have already, I don't really know what separates foreplay from lesbian sex. Do you consider weed, marijuana, pot, etc. a drug? This isn't even an argument anymore, it's fact. It's a mind-altering substance. "Drug" does not always equate to bad, either. Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? It'd be nice. Do you require a lot of private time? Oh yeah, but way less than I used to. I get depressed if I'm alone for too long now. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? N/A What is your favorite classic Disney movie? The Lion King. Do you like looking at old photographs? Yeah, usually. Do you enjoy puzzles? Yeah. Do you prefer painting or drawing? Drawing by a long shot. I'm taking a painting course this upcoming semester though, so hopefully that'll up my skill and thus enjoyment of it. Do you ever wear high heels? No, I don't have a reason to. Do you use belts? No, considering I never wear anything with belt loops. When was the last time you played Uno? Oh my fucking god, it's been forever, thankfully. When I lived with Colleen, as did her younger sister, we played Uno a lot, and then, AND THEN, came the night Chelsea dyed my hair red. Mind you, the ONLY TIME dyeing my hair had been truly successful and long-lasting. The process took hours, and we played Uno round after Uno round... and now I literally hate it. What do you like better, kiwis or pineapple? Oh man, I love both, but I gotta say kiwi. Are you trying to grow out your hair? No, I actually need to cute it again. What is your favorite perfume/body spray/cologne? Don't have one, really. Have you ever wanted to try karate? Not seriously. How often do you drink water? Ah yikes... I really fell out of my regular habit of drinking multiple bottles daily. Do you ever wear headbands? No. How many video games do you own? A lot. There's like a huge CD case in a living room drawer full of them. I've been considering making an EBay or something to sell a shitload of them as I'm sure a lot are actually pretty valuable now, but I think a lot about how I want to pass them down to my current and possibly future nieces and nephews when they get to a certain age to figure video games out or even have a console that can play PS1-PS3. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. What’s your favorite suburb in the city you live in? Why would you... name that on the Internet...? Besides that even, I pay no attention to suburbs' names I happen to pass. Have you ever visited a sex shop? No. I don't know if I could ever muster up the courage to even go in one. I'm the type that would just order online. What’s your favorite place to get pizza? I'm a basic Domino's bitch. How many times have you been to the beach? Multiple, but not a LOT. I have little reason to ever go, and it's never my idea, that's for sure. Has there ever been a fire inside your house? Tell me the story. Childhood home. Trying the Jiffy Pop popcorn that you make over the stove. Next thing y'know the thing is seriously on fire and we had to use the fire extinguisher. Fuck you, Jiffy Pop, the harbinger of the next fucking idiots moving in setting the entire house on fire thanks to the stove too. Have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? No, besides like bees 'n the like being near me. Have you ever had a spray tan? No. Do you own any sports bras? Where’d you get them from? No, but I'd like at least one. Wouldn't know what to use it for, it's not like I go jogging or anything, but. I think it'd be good to have at least one. Have you ever had sex in a kitchen? No. What’s the most expensive restaurant you’ve ever eaten at? I have zero clu- no wait I'm gonna guess the Italian restaurant we went to on Sara's birthday, but that's just a guess judging by how it was fancy as fuck. Who crosses your mind the most? Sara. Have you ever been on a scavenger hunt? Probably as a kid. Ever been to an auction? No. would you ever get acupuncture? omg no Ever got stitches? At least twice. What is a must have on your french fries? At least some salt. Entirely saltless fries are boring. How do you like your meat cooked…medium rare? well done? Nothing less than medium well. If meat tastes even a little bit beneath lukewarm I can't take that shit. Are there two colors that you just simply despise? Bright yellow and puke-green. What do you usually do with recurring dreams? ... Nothing? What CAN you do? Have you ever been told you were hot by a complete stranger? I don't think someone has used the term "hot," but I know I've been called pretty, at least. Do you want to be single or with someone? I want to be with Sara. It kinda feels like we still are, like no feelings have changed, we're just not "official" anymore and not "bound" to one another. Have you ever had a sleepover with the opposite sex? I actually have twice (or thrice?) platonically with my younger neighbor FOREVER ago. We were still kids. Then there was a big (birthday?) party at my place where Juan stayed the night, and then I believe there was an occasion Girt totally knocked out on the couch so... I guess it turned into a "sleepover?" lmao Who are you closest to in your family? My mom. Who were the last 3 people to text you? Sara, Mom, and my sister. Have you ever dated someone in jail? No, and I wouldn't unless it was for something incredibly stupid or I'm aware was a false charge. What’s a movie you cannot BARE to ever watch again? Nothing's coming off the top of my head. Who got you hooked on the addiction you're addicted to (If you have one)? ... I just connected it all in my head. Jason got me into the Amnesia game. I got into custom stories for it. I was playing one one day. I got stuck. I YouTubed it for help. Guess. Who. I. Fuckin'. Found. This is a revelation; I have discovered the main purpose of my and Jason's relationship. Perhaps things do happen for a reason lmao. Are you a little bit cautious around horses? Do they scare you a bit? Not really, but I wouldn't say I'm in no way cautious. They definitely don't scare me, though. I just respect that they're very powerful animals and I'm not experienced with handling them. Have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? If so, what on? Yes, on rice that was literally right off the fucking stove lmao. LOOK I didn't know it had JUST come off and I was hungry as fuck but boy did I have REGRETS considering the burn lasted for well over a week, maybe two. Do you think having a sleepover with a guy is theoretically acceptable? Um, yes...????? Do you like to have cake on your birthday? Which kind of cake in mind? Yeah, and red velvet or chocolate frosted, depending on what I'm feeling.

[akalegos]

Could you tell us a little about your characters?

Y E S !

but due to me having at least over a thousand characters I’ll just give a quick summary of the 25 I manage to dig up over 3 sketchbooks.

Y’all can pick and choose which of them interest yall or who you wanna hear more about!

Also because I’m extra, I made sketch icons for the 25 characters, info under the cut

I’ll talk a bit more about my actual Original Characters first, starting with

Aiko! Otherwise known as Echo

- A marked individual in a steampunk world that gets mixed with magic, because I like both of those things

- Echo runs an underground lab that does helps the underground world with replacing body parts, illegal surgeries etc etc

- Even though she marked, which puts a bounty on her head already, she is well respected by the community for not cheating for your money, stealing your cash, or shanking/killing you mid-surgery

- however, Echo does long for adventure and sometimes do get bored in the lab

oh yeah,, Echo like stealing eyeballs, so if you’re low on cash and wouldn’t mind losing an eye, you know who to call!!

Bonus:

Here’s Echo’s boring, undeveloped sidekick!! I don’t like her and I don’t know how to make her better. Yes, she doesn’t have a name.

here’s my god playboy that left “heaven” due to having an early mid-life crisis, I call him God boi cause;

- He goes by many names! 

tbh, he’s probably the closest character I have to being genderfluid/-neutral? I’m not sure,,

- The god has many powers, from lightning to shapeshifting

- The shapeshifting part allows him to change every part of himself, allowing him to change depending on his situation.

- God boyo, or originally Aristide, is obsessed with the idea of perfection. A god should be perfect, if a god is out of line, he is no god. 

- Same goes for him, which means whenever something is wrong with him, it affects him, extremely

However, leaving the land of gods to live among humans aren’t all perks

- Aris isn’t immune to diseases or injuries. In fact, he actually fell down and died on impact when he came to earth, being reborn into another child immediately.

- He doesn’t gain his memories back automatically tho!! He has to have a major shock to the brain in order for him to remember his previous lives

- Sometimes the shock isn’t enough either, when you have a thousand over lives, you won’t remember every single one of them. So forgotten lovers coming back to haunt because your brain hates you? That’s everyday for him!

i just,, i like playing with the concepts of god,,

Up next we got Ayeka Himura! A japanese student going to a neighborhood, but still a pretty good, school living close to poverty due to her father’s constant spending habits and obsession with art supplies. With the household lacking a mother due to wacky shenanigans, Ayeka takes care of her two younger siblings and the house, all while maintaining a very well-paid job and slowly loosing interest in actually studying for a good, honest job.

also she likes birds!!

Yes her design is heavily “based” off Toga but I love her current design too much to change it, h e l p

So like,, I suck at chinese and I made ocs that exclusively spoke in chinese to help with that but I’m still stuck at 40~marks

I forgot his scar but remembered his earring i hate myself

my og chinese kiddo! he was was first to come and I love his design ever since

he radiates fuck you energy except the girl below. He’s neighbors with her and they acknowledge each other existence ever since. he has a dumb cliche crush on her and is a bit protective of her because nothing says having issues than latching onto someone that makes you happy

Only this girl got named!! even tho she was the second character.

Li Shen, yes she doesnt have a surname, is apparently main ho now, according to my old oc chart of my “main” ocs

She’s the group’s resident sweetheart and really does not want you to do stupid shit, stop doing stupid shit. She tutors my son up there ^^ even though he’s actually smart and just refuses to do his work properly. But she still deeply cares for him.

As well as the girl below shdifhd

the last girl of the ching chong trio and the reason I had to switch up my son’s design is this girly over here! Her design was too business-y and formal so I enrolled all of them into college. A rich girl who doesn’t know how to deal with her g a y thoughts. Tried sending Li Shen some flowers once. She didn’t realize attaching her name would be a good idea and son got a good laugh.

i like paranormal stuff so they apparently look into that shit in their spare time. They’re all actually really fun characters to do prompts with I swear!! send some in and I’ll write them

I had a previous concept for son and Li Shen before last girl came and if yall want me to talk about it,,, i found my sketchbook with the old ideas,,

NEXT UP IS MY OLD GIRL ELORA!!

Elora herself used to be a fan character but I pulled her out and wow\

cant fucking believe she used to be straight for Vylad

shes the outgoing, fun adventure type! bit of mommy issues here and there tho,, I don’t want to say too much since I have an entire for her +

her now upgraded bro, Vincent

i really like the name vincent,,

also now he has mommy issues

Ead, the knight who used to have armor

I hate drawing armor 

he also have issues

AND IRIS MY SWEET GIRL IM SO SORRY

she doesnt have that much issues tho

basically I made elora and her bro have mommy issues, I’m sorry in advance if that spoils anything

I, sometimes, post about these 4 over on @eloradiesismydocsname​ and its a gay ol’ time

not that gay tho because uhh,, medieval times,, but I need prompts for a modern au of them and I am happy to talk about their personalities and even go semi in-depth for any of them!!

here we have ghoster.png,, which is her file name cause I didn’t name her,,

A horror enthusiast + film student that goes to a supposedly haunted shack to film her upcoming project with the boys. wacky shenanigans occur and the boys left leaving ghoster here to starve and eventually fall to her death. But because it’s my oc i get to bring her back from the dead, now hungry as ever and will fucking eat you, its not a kink thing, shes just that hungry and angry

tax fraud.png

a robo girl that i created during social studies cause they were talking about taxes and i just went, “what if,, a robo runs on taxes,,, and like,, she haunts you down for not paying your taxes,,” thus she was born! I don’t know what to name her but she is set in the future so-

Time to go future-apocalypse style because I love that setting too and was upset that I didn’t have any ocs in that style. So I created Alex A. ! A cybrog filled with memories of the previous generations as a sad attempt to preserve human life.

He’s accompanied by his sister/cousin idr i didn’t draw an icon for her, didnt like her design. they go on a hunt for food and to return with nothing. She gets to meet this other dude who has a plant arm im pretty sure i based him off someone’s elses oc but i cant remember. The 3 are forgotten. Kinda want to bring them back tho.

Neon! A character set in the future utopia of lazy people, where gamers rise up. its the best I can describe her story without getting too deep. She the new hacker on the block, joining the underground gang of elite hackers. She’s another one of those wacky characters that just has fun. I mean, when you know your way around codes and the world you live in is full of it, would you not take advantage of that?

as for fan characters,, uhh,, i have em

STARTING WITH MY WIFE!

Alexzandra Zara oh my god i forgot to draw her necklace and shirt

anyways,, Alexzandra is one of the more older ocs I have that didnt get a big revamp. Only an au I develop to the point I forgot the actual shows and the original cast are a little different from the source haha what? She’s the emotionally unstable german war veteran, yes the wife thing isn’t mutual, and haha shes only 27~. I cling onto her so much?? She’s hits a lot of “edgy” points but I still love her cause idk,, the story I made for her is something I hold dear cause Alexzandra was one of my first ACTUALLY DEVELOPED CHARACTER. Is it wrong to say I hold her really close to my heart? Is that weird? probably a little cringy sorry haha. I probably project a little into her which might have strengthened my love for her ack. Her story delves more into the depression very unstable needs to talk to someone side and i get scared talking about my wife’s story online so uhh, idk ask me specific questions about her, I’ll be more inclined to talk.

Dr Watts! The spoiled ass dick that stole dst Wilson’s house and yes this is a dst oc, yes im slightly sorry.

He’s just fun?? almost ran a blog with him and a friend’s oc. He’s your typical uptight old science gramps that took advantage of the fact that no one knows his real name that he calls himself a doc. He’s not. I put everything about him up to a 9-10? He’s one of those wacky characters and I love him for it! His story is really wonky tho so might need help solidifying that part 

and from the angry old man to my sweet man that will adopt you even if you’re noisy or call him ginger. Pilot here is a TF2 OC I made to interact with other tf2 OCs cause some of them are fun and i wanna join in :((

He’s the Canadian stereotype, and yes, he adopted scout, that was one of my character notes. 

Like the actual cast of tf2, there’s barely any real story to him. I only gave him a vague I don’t know my past but hey, i fly really really well. He participated in war unlike certain men but he’s still really nice and will only kill you if you hurt his family. Which he doesn’t know so he just considers the cast his family. He keeps mentioning a wife though, pretty sure he doesn’t have one but you do what makes you happy son.

Ai! an oc I HEAVILY revamped oh my god i hate her old vers. So if yall remember my random shouting of missing my og son, Aru. Here’s his bff. cause he barely has any actual friends that give a shit. And I just cant have that. but here’s your yandere revamped into a last minute addition. I actually feel like I did Ai a lot of justice. I don’t want to delve too deep cause I will start making charts. I’ll do that in a separate post if yall are keen

Isamu Aena! a mp100 oc I made by accident cause idk,, I was thinking about lolita fashion and all of a sudden, the actual oc I was going to make turned into a mob psycho oc. She’s one of my few ocs where her sexuality matters (she’s gay yeah) cause it plays a role in her storyline. She went from being “manipulated”/used to Mob’s wingwomen. She spots out things that can help him in the romantic department cause she’s into romance. A student of the school Mob infiltrated and a fantastic tailor, not to mention a pretty decent pyschic. wait where do models get their lolita stuff from,,

im gonna ignore that and move onto Lillian Yi! Who, i swear i did not meant for it, is very close to lloyd. I mean,, none of the ninjas were with him after s3, who you think he’d meet. Lillian is a survivor from the Great Devourour and yes I’m still pissed LEGO stole my backstory for Lillian to use for Harumi. FUCK YOU LEGO, i still love both of em tho,, The event did leave a big scar and it made Lillian job jumping for a bit, ending at Chen’s Noodles in S6~, where ya know,, stuff got better. She was a medalist for gymnastics and continue the activity, even after her parents’ death, to please others. She was already lost at the time so staying in the sport would help, right? Needless to say, after being rejected at a cop academy for youths, or something similar, she gave up for a while but got back into the idea of saving people by using her skills she already had. It helped with the weight and feelings and meeting the green ninja was a very big bonus. Also Lloyd dubbed her the “mysterious stranger” when she refused to speak in fear of her identity, slight shame, and maybe a bit of being star struck. It helped Lloyd too in a sense where he had something to distract him from Zane’s passing.

 Their relationship was eventually formed, strong and almost unbreakable, except for harumi but uhh thats a different story. Throughout the seasons, they stayed close and lloyd was always comforted by Lillian went times get ruff.

Also Lillian is my most light-hearted characters and I think that says a lot

Then there’s Nite “I don’t want to be your dad”. A character that is supposed to be in the ninjago world but barely interacts with the main story and only stays in his self contained plot. He was supposed to get a bf but uhhh idk. He’s the master of shifting and streams that online, taking out small crimes, and is actually really shy and doesn’t like interacting with people.

also haha fortnite

Nora Akino, the sin of despair! its an ad thing, I think. She speaks only in a foreign language that only Odin understands and is either big gay for Ava or Maggi, she can’t pick. And yes she did drink the vial, when TITAN attacks your planet and you accidentally die, how else can you meet your family again? also my grandpa walked in and said she looks like royalty. cool-

she wouldn’t leave my hand for like,, 3 days or something

Petri, a fellow troublemaker at camp campbell’s music camp. She managed to pick the camp because apparently a parent who doesn’t acknowledge your hard work don’t read the fine print! Please let David adopt her,,

LASTLY! Yukimaru Atsuko, hero name; Gummie. She goes by Yuki and is a big dick. She’s a studious student but gets more thrills on the actual battlefield. Living with her uptight grandma and her big bottom energy bro, she has the dom energy thing going. and apparently folks on G+, or the people who comment about her, thinks she’s really pretty, which was oddly a thing back before UA. She’s the dick you can like, not like Bakugou but she will definitely want to fight Bakugou. 

A gum-related quirk is not full of perks when its only your hands. I’d dive more into her like her insecurities and stuff but I’ve been here for probably 3hrs. Sorry anon.

Also I’m so sorry to anyone who reads this all the way through.

[musicprompts]

Sleeping Monsters - How Howard and Maria Met

This is some ideas and thoughts about the Starks (the immediate family and Jarvis as well) so enjoy the little splurge here :)

Howard Stark was human. Completely human, which is why the magic community and beasts were usually very confused upon meeting him, since he carried himself like he was part of Oberon’s court. He was extremely intelligent and usually like to show off, his mind churning with ideas and thoughts day in and day out. His inventions were ahead of their time, and they were beyond the imagination of even some of the seers that occasionally walked by him and his inventions.

With his intelligence and money, Howard Stark was also very lonely. Many humans thought him arrogant and above them, and that very intelligence made him an outcast among monsters and magic. It was frustrating, and it made a hole open up in Howard’s heart. Most people would say that this would be where Howard started building exclusively building weapons, becoming obsessed with Captain America and his troop of merry men (a joke made by Tony in the very far future that made Bucky snort and Steve sigh in horror but secretly enjoy the stupid genius that is Tony).

To be more accurate, that is when Maria found Howard. No one is sure how this happened, because Maria was to be under lock and key at all times, for her powers as a dream weaver were dangerous, and that was only because she was half-dream weaver.

Maria was a strong dream weaver, and this meant that she was connected to the universe in a way that was warped and distorted, with only images and feelings coming to her in dreams or at random times during the day. If the connection was strong enough, she could make it a reality, make people’s greatest dreams come true and bring about an age of golden revelation.

Or she could raise your greatest nightmares from the depths of the darkness, twist men’s mind to be so dark and scary that the men became something else entirely, something only whispered about in darkened corners on the brightest of days.

That was how Maria knew of Howard. His ideas and dreams of innovation and hope for a better future reached her, comforted something in her. As soon as the feeling reached, as soon as the vision wrapped around her mind, it vanished, and Maria could tell that the vision was becoming a reality.

And so, Maria escaped her confinement and found Howard Stark, not having a plan but wanting to see the man that both frightened and comforted her, because he was brilliant and lonely and his ideas were something that needed to be shared with the world.

When they met, Maria was scared, and Howard was angry. Maria didn’t anticipate how being around so many people would affect her, would make her power fluctuate and apparently manifest? It scared the shit out of her. Howard was angry, because nothing was coming to him, no new ideas. The most he could do  was work on something old and that just rubbed him the wrong way.

So he walked, outside of the building that he was still supervising in Manhattan because dammit, the world was going to know his name and remember it.

A couple of blocks and already there was a group of people surrounding something, and he could hear a woman screaming and sobbing, the amount of people standing around just watching fluctuating. Walking away because they didn’t want to get involved or thinking that this was something interesting, something new.

Howard pushed his way through and helped the sobbing woman to her feet, glaring at everyone around him because god he hated humans so much sometimes. The woman, a beautiful blonde, was sobbing, her face red from both embarrassment and not breathing well enough. He talked her through her sobs, making sure that his guards were letting him and the woman through the gossiping crowd and into his currently renovating tower, giving her space and time to figure things out.

While Howard was an ass and intelligent, he wasn’t neglectful of those that needed his help.

After Maria got over her panic attack, she thanked him then became silent, because she could physically feel this man’s intelligence, his intellect, and his hope for the world, the way that same hope kept getting strangled, but it was still alive. It was alive.

That was when Maria knew she loved this man, this Howard Stark.

It was a couple of years later, after several mishaps and dates later, that Howard Stark realized he didn’t feel that void of loneliness in him anymore. It was filled with love for this eccentric woman, this woman that made him stop building weapons because the earth was already at war, this woman that made him realize he wanted just more than a good future for the earth, he wanted a bright future for his children.

It was then that Howard Stark realized he loved Maria, and then casually proposed to her the next day because why the hell wait on such good things?

Anthony ‘Tony’ Edward Stark was born soon after.

So, uh, that became something much longer than I anticipated, but I like it? It’s so cool the way the two characters kind of connected and I’m fangirling over my own fanfiction wow. Okay, cool xD

I was kind of excited for this, so there might be a part 2 :D Look out for that because it’s going to deal with how the family worked together and then the Car Crash :/ Sorry guys, gotta keep a bit of canon in here xP

Tagging: @reioka @harbingerofplagues @thunder-the-wolf @icanconfirmihavenosoul @mythlover @emolordisme @illpepper @alittlebitproblematic @tigerliliesandcherryblossoms 

(FOR SOME REASON ONE OF THE TAGS ISN’T WORKING AND I DON”T KNOW WHY!!!!!)

[temeraaires-blog]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 2 Song Starters

SUPER long post and some  a lot of these are nsfw. Feel free to change pronouns/names/do whatever. 

Theme Song

I’m just a girl in love.

I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

I have no underlying issues to address.

They say love makes you crazy.

Love Kernels

I can live for days off a single “you really listen to me.”

I’m like a sexy fashion cactus.

But how do I know he loves me?

I guess the only way to prove it is through abstract symbolism.

He gives me love kernels.

If you read between the lines he’s saying “I love you.”

I’m the most important person in his life, next to his friend.

God, I’m thirsty after all that popcorn.

Whatever you got, baby, I’ll take it, baby.

Your house smells like lemon.

I’ll take it.

It’s a stretch but I’ll take that too.

______ is now played by a broom on a stand.

We’ll do our best with what we have.

We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now

We should definitely not have sex right now.

I need time to reflect.

I’m in a really weird place.

There’s no reason to have sex again. But I’ll be ready to go again in ten.

Maybe This Dream

When I was a little girl, I felt like a princess.

I thought my dreams would come true, but then as I grew, the world was all like, "Nope.”

Maybe this dream won’t end in disgrace.

Maybe this dream is in reach.

Maybe this dream won’t be like my vibrator, breaking when I need it most.

Maybe this dream will finally me feel like I deserve a dream.

Greg’s Drinking Song

There’s joy and there’s glory more than you can think.

Yes, this is what happens to me when I drink.

I pee my pants!

Wow, I did not know it was that bad.

Chase down the regret with some gin for good luck.

I puke on my cat.

Poor little ____ did not expect that.

What happens when, I try to have one it just turns into ten.

That wasn’t a woman?

No, it was a bush.

So that’s where that scar comes from!

But he’s breaking his cycle and making a push!

He’s quitting his drinking.

I Could If I Wanted To (Reprise)

Whoop de frickin’ do.

My best friend is sleeping with my ex behind my back.

Who cares? I don’t.

But I could if I wanted---

Ping Pong Girl

Sports!

I could tell she’s the most perfect girl who’s ever existed.

Oh man, look at her pong that ping.

She does it for herself and that puts my fears to rest.

BRO!

She’s so aloof it borders on cold. And that’s what makes me want her.

Nothing’s hotter than a chick who’s good at sports.

She scored a thousand points!

I think I love her.

Ping pong shows she has control of her body, but it doesn’t threaten my masculinity like basketball or hockey.

She’s like Serena or Venus

She’s so indifferent. It makes me want a tangible commitment.

The Math of Love Triangles

What’s a girl to do when she’s stuck between men?

I wasn’t really listening

The center of the triangle is little ol’ me!

So I need to decide which man’s more acute.

Those are good puns, but please pay attention.

We’re starting to suspect you don’t sincerely want to know about triangles.

Is this a triangle?

No that’s a shoe.

No that’s you.

So I’m a triangle?

What? No!

Ooh, are you erect?

That’s really erect!

We’re tired of all your tangents.

You all deserve a kiss.

Lady, we’re all gay. We get nothing out of this.

It Was a Shit Show

I love you, yes.

The thought of staying is so enticing.

Then stay.

When you speak, my knees get weak.

I can’t believe what I’m sacrificing.

But let’s get real. We know the deal.

Darling, let’s not tiptoe.

This thing we had was not just bad. It was a shitshow.

We can’t undo, can’t make amends.

Disfunction is our lingua franca.

We can’t unscrew each other’s friends.

There’s hard to get, then there’s neglect.

To say it’s fate, you’d have to be a bit slow.

Not to be crass, but this sucked ass.

This was a shitshow.

We have chemistry, of course. But that’s a formula for divorce.

Oh what the hell, let’s get a hotel.

Life is short, and we’re not getting any younger.

But after sex what happens next...I mean, in the long run. Not just fatigue and hunger...

And when you say that I should stay, that’s exactly when I should split, though.

Though I won’t forget, I won’t regret.

Though I won’t forget, I won’t regret this beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, life-changing…..

We Tapped That Ass

We tapped that ass all over this house.

Sometimes him. Sometimes me. Though never simultaneously.

But one of us was hitting it, usually.

That bed is really uncomfortable!

Right? It’s like a prison cot!

What? Too cheeky?

A little to the left/right

Wait! No, you’re doing it wrong. I’ll do it myself!

Barkeep! What’s on tap?

How much more tapping could one ass endure?

Thought Bubbles

Well, I don’t mind being alone.

I’m not afraid of what enters my mind when I’m so low.

I’m perfectly capable of taking of advantage of this time.

No, I don’t mind being alone with my thoughts.

That’s a bad thought!

I don’t like that thought!

What happens if I go to hell?

Chill out.

If I can’t hit the gym how will I ever be a good father?

Friendtopia

When my friends and I stick together there’s nothing we can’t do.

I specifically mean we’re going to stage a coup.

Squad goals!

A dystopia around our friendship

There’s a really exclusive sushi place that never lets us in.

Let’s just go home and drink rose.

I put drugs in the water supply.

Aww, I love Hocus Pocus.

Zig-a-zow!

Stuck in the Bathroom

Get me out of here!

Tonight was already super weird and now [you’re/she’s/he’s] stuck in the bathroom.

I have a deceptive amount of muscular strength thanks to my amazing core.

Her little bird arms aren’t going to do anything!

Whoever renovated this house did a terrible job!

I can’t believe it took us that long to come up with the most obvious solution.

Research Me Obsessively

Hey, what are you doing for the next, like, thirteen hours?

Don't do anything healthy. Don't be productive. Give in to your desire.

Find out everything you can about me

You Go First

We used to be there for each other, every second

I really wanna tell you that I'm sorry!

I really wanna tell you that I am the worst!

I just want to say I miss you every day!

This is almost entirely all my fault here. But you gotta admit it's just a tiny bit your fault too.

Sometimes you can be really passive aggressive!

Sometimes you can be really self-involved.

Go ahead and say you're kind of sorry! So I can say "Oh, no, no, no, please!” Just like I rehearsed!

If you open the door, I'll apologize so much more.

[But] You go first!

So Maternal

Parenting ain’t harrowing, demanding or traumatic!

Step aside ladies, give your babies to a Carol Brady level matriarch.

Low expectations - Raise ‘em up!

You know, I guess I just instinctively get how to be a mom and that's what sets me apart from other "mothers."

Damn, I’m so maternal!

Duh!

Duh! What was I thinking?

Can’t believe I couldn’t see it all along.

Don’t know what was going through my mind!

I’m just like -- ugh! God, I’m so stupid.

Looking back on old times. Like that one time. And that other time.

It’s so obvious!

Duh!

Who’s the New Guy?

Who's the new guy? I don't trust him

Do we really need a new guy this far into the season? And by "far into the season" I mean it's almost fall.

He's suspiciously good looking. In ways that normal people are not

Is this someone new we're gonna have to grow to care about?

Why should we root for someone male, straight and white?

We’ll Never Have Problems Again

We’ll never have problems again!

It's only smooth, smooth sailing from now on…

We used to have problems but now they're gone.

Do you remember, back when we had problems?

Man, that was annoying.

But now our love has magically solved [our problems].

And there won't be any more [problems] in our future at all!

Fine. I guess I’ll just Soul Train out of here.

The first test failed but that’s ‘cause it wasn’t true love. 

They say obsession biologically lasts four years at most but science doesn't apply to us.

Remember That We Suffered

But before you feel too great...remember that we suffered!

But we sing in a minor key to remember that we suffered!

Being happy is selfish!

You have no idea what pain is!

When I say 'we' you say 'suffered'!

Santa Ana Winds

Hello there, it's me.

I make things weird

That's science for "a pain in your asses"

They just got Santa Ana winded!

I'm a prankster. Tee-hee-hee-hee.

I just wanna see what will happen

You're looking really guilty

That kiss was all your fault!

I just reveal your deepest wishes and fears

So it's you, ________. It's not me who is super weird.

You ruined everything.

Let’s Have Intercourse

Unfortunately, I want to have sex with you

I don't know what happened

For some reason, you're now on the top of my to-do list

Let's get this over with so I can focus on other tasks

Just pretend I'm seducing you

Let's quickly have intercourse so I can move on with my life

Once we do it, it'll be like “Well, that's what that was like.”

I mean, obviously you want to, too

Just super quickly have intercourse

Sometimes my body wants things that my mind does not

My body wants things that make my mind go, "Uh, body, what?"

We're animals It's unfortunate.

So come on, let's contortion it!

I won't be back to normal till I see what your nipples look like.

Until we stop wasting time talking 'bout it and we super quickly, it'll only take a second, have intercourse.

Good thing I happen to have an old condom In my wallet

You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)

You’re my best friend, and I know I’m not yours.

And that’s okay.

I’m not your best friend.

I’m okay.

Friendship doesn’t have to be a two-way street.

I don’t need a shoulder to cry!

Your best friend is somebody else. But I get it.

I love you like a sister and you love me like a second cousin.

I said it’s okay! Really!

Man Nap

It’s a man nap!

Time to nap like a man!

Life is so tiring when you’re a man.

It’s exhausting being so damn strong.

‘Cause when a man gets older, his testosterone starts getting low.

Tell Me I’m Okay, Patrick

You represent the outside world because you don’t know me.

No pressure, but I seriously need to know.

‘Cause I think I’m fine ______, but I’m only, like, forty-three percent sure.

I’m sorry that I yelled.

Tell me I’m okay.

Period Sex

It’s period sex.

Put down a towel, party till it’s dry.

Are those sheets expensive?

I’ll Venmo you back for your sheets.

I hope you can get those sheets again.

What a Rush to be a Bride

Can you believe you snagged him?

Forever you will have him standing right there by your side.

I’ve been picturing this day since I’ve been a little girl.

Why veer from the classics?

Rebecca’s Reprise

You’ve gotten everything you’ve ever wanted.

It turns out magic exists.

Everything in the past will just fade away.

I’ll never have problems again.

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds S06E15 “Today I Do” review - or more aptly named, SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON! Also, Derek and Reid are still hot XD

Episode 15 – Today I Do

Heyo!

What’s up guys? So I’m seriously worried about where this season is going with Emily and everything, but – positive thinking.

Let’s see what happens.

Okay, so until this is resolved we’re going to have flashbacks to those conversations about what’s going on with Emily. Fuck.

“Tsia, it’s Emily. Where are you?”

Who the fuck is Tsia?

“Well, that’s a significant change of address.”

Okay …

“Have you heard from Sean?”

So Tsia knows about Sean. Oh boy.

“But you haven’t talked to him?”

So she’s out.

“So’s Doyle.”

“Sean thinks we’re all in danger. But I was the only one who had any personal connection to him.”

Who the fuck is Lauren Reynolds?

“Lauren Reynolds is dead.”

Wait. Emily was Lauren Reynolds? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

“Who’s Lauren Reynolds?”

Thank you.

“She was a friend of mine.”

“How did she die?”

“A car accident.”

“I’m really sorry.”

I love my poodle so fucking much, and I have a horrible feeling that Emily is lying to my poodle and I’m not happy.

“Good morning.”

And to you, honey.

“Hey. Thank you all for coming, as time is of the essence.”

“Okay. Molly Grandin, 25 years old, she’s been missing approximately 24 hours. Her car was found abandoned in a strip mall parking lot.”

“Syracuse police chief just called me to tell me that four months ago another woman, Gail Langston, also 25, went missing.”

Ruh-roh.

“Other than abandoned car, what makes them think it’s the same offender?”

“Both women packed a bag with enough clothes and toiletries to last them for the weekend, and in both cases, the bags were found in the car along with their purses and cell phones.”

Oh dear. One sick asshole.

“If the unsub is sticking to the same MO, then Molly only has 36 hours left.”

“Let’s go.”

Let’s, gang.

“The plane awaits.”

Oh god, I need my little ray of sunshine in this horrible episode.

Sally Kempton: “It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.”

Oh fuck, that Sally was SMART.

“All right, baby girl. Keep looking.”

Wait, she didn’t find something?

“Garcia still hasn’t found any overlap between Molly Grandin and Gail Langston’s lives.”

But she will, don’t fret your pretty head.

“For two girls that didn’t know each other they had a lot in common.”

Did they, blondie? Do elaborate.

“What’s the first thing that jumps out at you?”

“Their body types are both small, but it’s not just physical. They both shy away from the camera and clearly don’t enjoy being photographed.”

“Both easily overpowered and controlled.”

Oish.

“Well, at 25 they’d be much older than most undergrads at SU.”

True, especially when they don’t have to attend the army like Israelis.

“You know, their college transcripts are littered with incompletes and missed semesters.”

“Both from blue-collar backgrounds with no scholarship. Must be hard to keep up while working a full-time job.”

Damn.

“So going to private school would have been worth it for appearances’ sake.”

“If the unsub met them on campus, he could be another student.”

Wow, you’re seriously in the box, blondie.

“He may not be a student. He might be an employee. Janitorial staff, security.”

See?

“Uses a similar background to bond with the victims?”

“They both packed bags to go away with him for the weekend. That trip’s romantic.”

“Yeah, he’s not just getting to know them, he’s dating them.”

Yeesh. Talk about creepy weirdos.

“Prentiss, go to Molly’s apartment. If she knew the abductor, there might be evidence there.”

Word.

“Reid and Morgan, go to the dumpsite.”

But Gail’s body was found almost four months ago. Won’t all the evidence be gone by now?”

*facepalm*

Yo, newbie, shut up.

“You can actually find a lot about an unsub by where they choose to leave their victims.”

Exactly. So please, let the old pros show you how it’s done.

“Yeah, Garcia, what do you got?”

Whoo!

Only a voice-over. I’m not happy.

“Molly’s ex-boyfriend.”

Who’s been brought in for questioning.

Uh-oh. I have a feeling it might not be him if they’re bringing him in this early in the show. We haven’t even reached 10 minutes yet.

Oh god, I’m actually predictive of the unsub now. Someone make me stop (seriously, don’t, I might bite your hands off)

“And he’s got an anger problem. Three arrests for assault.”

Whew. And two of them because he beat his girlfriend who is now missing. Fuck.

“It’s unusual for serial killers to go after someone so easily linked to them, but we’ll see if he fits the profile.”

Thank you!

My faith in my knowledge of this show is restored XD

Oh my god, Rossi is just sitting there, shutting up and letting him run his mouth. I love it.

“Lyle, do you know anyone with a cabin? A fishing buddy? Someplace private to keep Molly tied up until you get back?”

Um, really? That guy looks like the world’s biggest idiot. I wouldn’t put my money on him, honestly.

And speaking of which, this could be an excellent betting game. Guess who the unsub is, 10 bucks says it’s blah blah blah, then the newbie to the show is like, fuck that, and you get paid XD seriously, try it with someone who hasn’t seen the show yet! Guaranteed income XD

So, the lawyer is like letting him just yap on endlessly and suddenly he’s like “that’s enough” what the fuck do they pay you for?

“The last time you beat her up, did she dump you?”

I would. But apparently he was arrested but never formally charged.

I hate the police.

“Okay, fine. After you broke Molly’s jaw (WHAT!), did she still want to date you?” I’d have kicked him in the balls.

So he thought she was seeing someone else?

“Who?”

He doesn’t know. Fuck you, idiot.

“When you two were together, did you control what she wore, where she went?” Let met at this asshole.

“This guy’s into controlling her, too.”

Oh god, that is seriously gross.

“You know, a body would be found here rather quickly, especially if it wasn’t weight down.”

“There was no postmortem damage from being tied to the weights. Everything else about Gail’s capture was carefully planned. It seems unlikely this guy would just suddenly panic and lose control.”

Word.

“This guy prioritizes control. I mean, Gail’s body was beaten in a very specific way – a mallet to the hand and feet.”

Someone stop these images.

“They look more like puncture wounds.”

Ew.

“The ME thinks it’s a Phillips Head screwdriver. Which means he uses tools instead of traditional weapons.”

Oh god.

“The wounds definitely have a purpose.”

Which is? Care to elaborate, gorgeous?

“Did you visit Molly in the emergency room about five months ago?”

He did. And he bought her a car.

What?

What the fuck?

Oh, he didn’t want her to continue using her bike and using a car would be safer … cuz she told him she was in a bike accident.

“Molly told you she was in a bike accident?”

Oh boy.

“You knew she was in an abusive relationship.”

And he didn’t do anything? I’m going to kill that dude.

“Was she always attracted to men who hit her?” Oh fuck!

He didn’t hit her? Okay.

“‘Today I do, tomorrow I will’?”

Sounds like some Zen crap.

“Maybe this guy thought he was sinking the body by filling it with water.”

Ew.

“Well, I mean, at first he’d be right, but after a few hours, the decaying tissues would create gas and the body would become buoyant.”

Oh god, this is gross.

“So this guy wanted to watch her die, then sink beneath the surface.”

“That sounds like classic water burial, right?”

Oh fuck. That’s sick.

“Well, everything points that way except for one thing. Most water burials are exclusively done by females.”

Wait. So the unsub is a lady? Oh boy.

“Until now, victimology, MO, and physical abuse indicated a male offender.”

“Until now.”

Oh my smart gorgeous men.

“Prentiss.”

“Morgan and I think we might be looking for a female offender.”

“That explains why there was no sign of sexual assault. With an unsub this obsessed with control and power, it’s usually part of the territory.”

“It looks like there was a female living in the other bedroom in Molly’s apartment.”

A roommate? I wasn’t told anything about a roommate.

“We’d have been told if she had a roommate.”

“Yeah, so Molly must have wanted to keep it secret for a reason. Whoever she was, she left recently and in a hurry. I’ll put a canvass out now. Thanks, Reid.”

Woooo. Genius people being genius.

“So, neighbors did see a woman coming and going from Molly’s apartment over the last few months, but nobody saw her close enough to get a sketch.”

“And no one met her?”

“No. The best description we got was white female, mid-twenties, light-brown hair, plain.”

That’s not very helpful.

“Molly never mentioned a roommate to her father or her coworkers.”

“Lyle didn’t know, either.”

Eesh.

“Is he still here?”

“We couldn’t charge him, so his lawyer walked him out.”

Ah, shit.

“All right, so we need to start over, go back over both Gail and Molly’s cases and look at everything from the perspective of a female unsub.”

ROLE PLAY!

“I’ll bring in Gail’s family and ask about the women in her life.”

Smart grandpa.

“Prentiss, you and Seaver go back over to Molly’s apartment. Find out what else she’s hiding.”

Please, get her out of there.

So the unsub’s name is Jane.

Ugh.

I really don’t like her.

Oh god, she’s just the craziest bitch ever.

Did she just fucking break Molly’s kneecaps? Fuck.

“She was overdosing on daily affirmations.”

Oh dear.

“Yeah, saying you’re happy isn’t the same as being happy.”

Yup.

“Oh. I think I found her dark secret.”

Pills? For what?

“And this … is a diet journal.”

Oh boy.

“Check with Garcia. See if her spending reflects a disorder.”

“Thirty bucks a week at the grocery store.”

“Thai food every Friday.”

“Yikes, she is worse than me. $8 a day for coffee.”

Wow, that’s a lot on coffee.

Back up a few months, gorgeous.

“Yeah. Oh, my. Back then the spending tells an entirely different story of the unhealthy sort. Lots of drugstore purchases, fast food places. Only a few dollars a week at the grocery. And then $17 at McDonald’s.”

“Binge night. Anything in the journal?” What is she onto?

“It’s intense. She recorded not only what she put into her body but what came out. Calories expended during exercises, and she weighed her bowel movements.”

“Anorexia/bulimia.”

Oh shit.

“The last entry is ten weeks before she disappeared. When did her spending change?”

“About three months ago. She got a membership at a yoga studio and started paying for cooking classes.”

Oh wow.

“We need to find out if Gail Langston had a similar pattern before she was killed.”

“Rossi’s speaking with her family right now.”

Let’s head over to my Italian stallion.

“Did Gail have many friends?”

I don’t like this mom at all.

“Was she staying with anyone? Photos of her apartment show a roll-out sofa made up as a bed.”

Oh god, that mom is delusional as fuck.

“Were you close to your sister?”

He’s so cute and subdued.

“How else had she changed?”

Shut up, mom. Let the kid speak.

“Why did she take time off from school?”

So Gail was depressed. Shit.

I’m going to sock that mom in the face.

“Was she ever treated for depression?”

When she showed extreme signs he took her to the hospital. I like that dude.

“Was she seeing a therapist or attending a support group?”

Um, nope. She was seriously on self-affirmation. Yeesh.

“What about the phrase ‘today I do, tomorrow I will’?”

Yup.

Fuck.

“You know, this phrase doesn’t seem to have a particular source or author. It’s found in pretty much everyday self-help book … I read 22 of them today – all touting the same basic three-part plan.”

‘I read twenty two of them today’. This should be a catchphrase.

“Let me guess … phase one is positive thinking, visualizing goals.”

“That’s to work up the courage to get to phase two – taking real steps to achieve said goal.”

“Gail committed to school, got grades like never before.”

“Molly gave up her obsessive food journal and started eating better.”

“It’s hard to believe motivational sayings alone would allow her to make these type of strides.’

Word.

“Maybe that’s why the unsub moved in with them. She could offer support and encouragement day and night.”

“She’d be around to watch Molly’s diet or Gail’s study habits.”

Oh jeez, this is getting weirder by the minute.

“At first her methods worked. She gets to be the hero, the savior.”

“She’s a pure narcissist, so helping her victims is only about gaining their appreciation and dependence.”

“The more her victims gain confidence, the less they need a full-time cheerleader.”

So that’s why she breaks them. Fuck.

“And that’s when her motivational plan goes completely off the rails. Phase three is normally about maintaining the tenets of the program independently.”

“But her program doesn’t end. She holds them captive, destroys them physically.”

“She’s the motivational speaker from hell.”

Damn right.

“We’re looking for a white woman in her mid-twenties, most likely blue collar and local to the Syracuse area.”

“She probably has a job that puts her in the role of caretaker, such as a masseuse, a nail or hair stylist, personal trainer.”

Oh my god, hearing him say hair stylist is the funniest thing ever, and there’s no reason for it.

“Women feel comfortable opening up to her about their personal lives, revealing details about their insecurities that she later uses to manipulate them.”

So is she a wannabe therapist?

“That’s doubtful. Her narcissistic personality wouldn’t allow her to listen to anything that didn’t revolve around her for more than a few minutes at time.”

“It’s hard to learn anything when you always want to be the expert. We don’t think she’s capable of getting a degree of any kind.”

I love you, my smart lovely.

But don’t you need one to give advice?

“She would, but she’s a master manipulator. She probably talked her way into many jobs before they realized her credentials were fake.”

Oh snap.

“So check gyms and spas, salons, yoga studios for employees fired in the last two years.”

“We need to ID this woman as fast as possible if we want any chance of finding Molly Grandin alive.”

“Why didn’t you tell us Molly battled with severe anorexia?”

So he didn’t know? Fuck you. No way he didn’t know.

I really hate this dad.

“Did she get treatment?”

You don’t believe in treatment? Fuck you.

“It’s urgent that you tell me everything that you know.”

“Mr. Grandin, I’m having difficulty understanding why keeping Molly’s secrets is more important than finding her alive.”

I’m going to sock this asshole in the face.

“Your daughter is specifically vulnerable to this suspect because of her private emotional issues.”

“Now, we need to know as much about Molly as does the person who’s holding her captive.”

“So I’m going to ask you again, are there any other secrets you’re not sharing with me?”

Oh fuck. Malnutrition. Anemia. Fuck. The poor girl.

“Did she get treatment?”

She did. Fuck you, asshole, try and save your daughter.

“At Syracuse General.”

Oh snap.

“Gail Langston was treated there for depression.”

Yup.

“I should have told you.”

“Yeah.”

No shit.

Oh god, this woman is seriously goading her and fucking with her brain and I love Molly and someone should find her soon and get her locked up.

“Garcia, both families released their daughters’ medical records. have you gotten access to those yet?”

“Yes. Both women went to the same hospital but for different programs and at different times.”

“Maybe the unsub works at the hospital?”

“Even if she conned her way into a job, I doubt she’d last enough to get close to patient files.”

“We were off on our profile. She doesn’t find her victims by chance like we thought. She hunts them.”

Shit.

“Garcia, does Syracuse General keep their surveillance footage of the entrances and exits?”

“Oh, in this age of black market pharmaceutical drug trade, you betcha. I can get you that.”

XD I love my goddess.

“Excuse me.”

“Tsia?”

What’s going on? Who’s gone?

“Who? What’s going on?”

Oh shit. Her fiancé is dead.

Shit.

“What?”

Oh shit.

“He’s not even forty. How could --?” A clot? Are you serious???

He was out on a run and then came back.

“Was it his usual path?”

Yup.

Shit.

“Did he fall down on the path? Did anyone run into him?”

Yup.

“How long have we been talking? You’ve got to get out of there.”

Oh shit.

“Get a flight. Leave France, get back to America. Cash transactions only from here on out. Am I clear?”

Shit.

It’s Doyle.

“Toss that cell phone and get home safely.”

Dang.

And of course, my cute poodle notices something’s up.

Oh shit. That fucker Jane is doting on Lyle? Oh shit, she’s insane.

“Now, Molly and Gail had different doctors, but both went to Syracuse General Pharmacy.”

“Assuming they were stalked, you know, 10-14 weeks before their disappearance, I went ahead and started with footage from when they went to get refills which falls right into that time window.”

Shit.

“Behold – Gail Langston, July 3rd. See that woman a few steps behind her with the large cup of coffee?”

Ha. They got Jane.

“Check this out. A few weeks later, there she is again. The same woman is following her. Creepy.”

“She’s wearing the same scarf as Gail.”

Fuck.

That’s sick.

“Garcia, did this woman follow a similar pattern when she was stalking Molly?”

“Emily, shh, you’re totally ruining the ending.”

I love this woman.

“They’re carrying identical purses.”

Shit.

“So she stalks them, copies them, and uses it to stripe up a conversation.”

Oh that woman is way beyond sick. Shit.

I really don’t like Lyle anymore.

“Here is a nice clean one of our stalker lady person.”

Jane’s seriously creeping me out.

“Gail Langston’s family says they’ve never seen her before.”

“Molly’s father said the same thing.”

Damn.

“I sent the picture to Lyle’s lawyer, but he says he can’t find him.”

Yeah, cuz Jane has him.

“Put out an APB on Lyle Donaldson and the vehicle.”

Oh boy.

God Lyle is dumb, and that chick is bonkers.

“Barrows found Lyle’s car in the same parking lot where Molly and Gail’s cars were found.”

“She’s got him, too.”

Yup.

“She’s too obsessed with power and control to work with anyone, especially somebody like Lyle.”

“He’s dominating and violent, just like her. If anything, she sees him as a threat.”

“But why take him now, with all this heat?”

“She’s not done with Molly yet.”

Oh damn.

Oh god, that Jane is one sick fucker. I want to kill her.

“Garcia, Dr. Weingold at Syracuse General sent us an extensive list of female patients in their mid-twenties that match our profile.”

“She’s most likely local, raised by a single parent or in foster care.”

“Okay, narrowing it down.”

“This unsub likes familiar places. Look for extended family or previous addresses. Did any of them grow up near Onondaga Lake?”

How do they say that word so fast without fumbling? I want to see the bloopers for this episode.

“Okay. Wait, wait. Here’s one that might fit. Jane Gould. Her grandparents had a house near Maple Bay, which is where Gail’s body was found.”

Boom.

“Are they still alive?”

“No. They died when Jane was in middle school.”

“Is the grandparents’ house currently occupied?”

“Yeah. Water and power all paid up.”

“That’s the one place she got attention from a parental figure. She feels at home and in charge there.”

Go get her, then.

Oh shit. That Jane is one crazy bitch. Come on, Molly, get away.

“Okay, thanks, Garcia.”

“So Dr. Weingold opened Jane’s files. She can’t release details, but she said there honestly aren’t many. Jane never admitted to being a cutter, let alone what triggered it.”

“She started acting out after she lost her grandparents.”

“Arrested for vandalism, removed from two foster homes for destruction of property. Desperate attempts to get attention.”

“Is that why she started cutting, another cry for help?”

“Cutting is about control, similar to anorexia. It’s common in teenage girls who feel they have no control over their lives.”

Wait, how does she know about that?

“Her grandparents’ deaths were probably the trigger.”

“The loss of parental figures at such a young age turns your world upside down. There’s a lot of pain, but no outlet. No one’s in charge.”

“Both Molly and Gail can relate to that. Jane used them to convince herself she’s important.”

Someone help her.

Fuck, she’s re-captured.

Dang.

Come on, get her already.

I’m still laughing about seeing my poodle holding a gun.

I know he’s a badass, but come on! That’s like giving a baby a gun.

“Clear.”

Lyle’s dead.

“Well, he’s not cold yet, so we may have just missed her.”

I hope so.

“After a confrontation like that, she’ll want to go someplace familiar, someplace she feels in control. I’ll let Hotch know we’re headed to the lake.”

My smart poodle using his neurons.

“How far is Onondaga Lake from Jane’s house?”

“We’re two minutes away.”

Get her.

“Send the nearest patrol car.”

“FBI! Let her go!”

“Move away from the girl and get your hands above your head.”

Come on, Molly, you’re awake, get outta there.

She won’t drown, you idiot.

“No, she won’t. Move away, now!”

“Jane! Put it down!”

Yes, she got away.

Come on, get the fucker.

Yes.

Oh thank god.

“She’s in bad shape, but she’s stable.”

So now he’s worried about her? God, that dude is an idiot father.

But I’m glad they’re all okay.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox: “There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can hinder the firm resolve of a determined soul.”

Wow.

That is seriously powerful, dude.

Also, why is Prentiss walking through the offices alone?

I don’t like this.

Oh shit. She’s freaked out.

Well, I’d be too if that text from an unknown caller was sent to me.

Shit.

Why am I seeing a plane?

That’s not the BAU jet?

Hey! That’s the guy from the flashback! So it was Doyle? Fuck, he’s hot.

And he’s onto Prentiss. Shit.

Okay, so I’m slightly annoyed at this episode. Only slightly! Don’t  come at me with a gun! Just because they didn’t elaborate on the anorexia/bullimia insights of Seaver. That’s it. other than that, always enjoyable, always fiun, and I WANT TO KNOW HOW PRENTISS KNEW IAN DOYLE AND WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!

I’m anxiously awaiting to review the next episode, ta!