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temeraaires-blog · 8 years ago

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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 2 Song Starters

SUPER long post and some a lot of these are nsfw. Feel free to change pronouns/names/do whatever.

Theme Song

I’m just a girl in love.

I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

I have no underlying issues to address.

They say love makes you crazy.

Love Kernels

I can live for days off a single “you really listen to me.”

I’m like a sexy fashion cactus.

But how do I know he loves me?

I guess the only way to prove it is through abstract symbolism.

He gives me love kernels.

If you read between the lines he’s saying “I love you.”

I’m the most important person in his life, next to his friend.

God, I’m thirsty after all that popcorn.

Whatever you got, baby, I’ll take it, baby.

Your house smells like lemon.

I’ll take it.

It’s a stretch but I’ll take that too.

______ is now played by a broom on a stand.

We’ll do our best with what we have.

We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now

We should definitely not have sex right now.

I need time to reflect.

I’m in a really weird place.

There’s no reason to have sex again. But I’ll be ready to go again in ten.

Maybe This Dream

When I was a little girl, I felt like a princess.

I thought my dreams would come true, but then as I grew, the world was all like, "Nope.”

Maybe this dream won’t end in disgrace.

Maybe this dream is in reach.

Maybe this dream won’t be like my vibrator, breaking when I need it most.

Maybe this dream will finally me feel like I deserve a dream.

Greg’s Drinking Song

There’s joy and there’s glory more than you can think.

Yes, this is what happens to me when I drink.

I pee my pants!

Wow, I did not know it was that bad.

Chase down the regret with some gin for good luck.

I puke on my cat.

Poor little ____ did not expect that.

What happens when, I try to have one it just turns into ten.

That wasn’t a woman?

No, it was a bush.

So that’s where that scar comes from!

But he’s breaking his cycle and making a push!

He’s quitting his drinking.

I Could If I Wanted To (Reprise)

Whoop de frickin’ do.

My best friend is sleeping with my ex behind my back.

Who cares? I don’t.

But I could if I wanted---

Ping Pong Girl

Sports!

I could tell she’s the most perfect girl who’s ever existed.

Oh man, look at her pong that ping.

She does it for herself and that puts my fears to rest.

BRO!

She’s so aloof it borders on cold. And that’s what makes me want her.

Nothing’s hotter than a chick who’s good at sports.

She scored a thousand points!

I think I love her.

Ping pong shows she has control of her body, but it doesn’t threaten my masculinity like basketball or hockey.

She’s like Serena or Venus

She’s so indifferent. It makes me want a tangible commitment.

The Math of Love Triangles

What’s a girl to do when she’s stuck between men?

I wasn’t really listening

The center of the triangle is little ol’ me!

So I need to decide which man’s more acute.

Those are good puns, but please pay attention.

We’re starting to suspect you don’t sincerely want to know about triangles.

Is this a triangle?

No that’s a shoe.

No that’s you.

So I’m a triangle?

What? No!

Ooh, are you erect?

That’s really erect!

We’re tired of all your tangents.

You all deserve a kiss.

Lady, we’re all gay. We get nothing out of this.

It Was a Shit Show

I love you, yes.

The thought of staying is so enticing.

Then stay.

When you speak, my knees get weak.

I can’t believe what I’m sacrificing.

But let’s get real. We know the deal.

Darling, let’s not tiptoe.

This thing we had was not just bad. It was a shitshow.

We can’t undo, can’t make amends.

Disfunction is our lingua franca.

We can’t unscrew each other’s friends.

There’s hard to get, then there’s neglect.

To say it’s fate, you’d have to be a bit slow.

Not to be crass, but this sucked ass.

This was a shitshow.

We have chemistry, of course. But that’s a formula for divorce.

Oh what the hell, let’s get a hotel.

Life is short, and we’re not getting any younger.

But after sex what happens next...I mean, in the long run. Not just fatigue and hunger...

And when you say that I should stay, that’s exactly when I should split, though.

Though I won’t forget, I won’t regret.

Though I won’t forget, I won’t regret this beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, life-changing…..

We Tapped That Ass

We tapped that ass all over this house.

Sometimes him. Sometimes me. Though never simultaneously.

But one of us was hitting it, usually.

That bed is really uncomfortable!

Right? It’s like a prison cot!

What? Too cheeky?

A little to the left/right

Wait! No, you’re doing it wrong. I’ll do it myself!

Barkeep! What’s on tap?

How much more tapping could one ass endure?

Thought Bubbles

Well, I don’t mind being alone.

I’m not afraid of what enters my mind when I’m so low.

I’m perfectly capable of taking of advantage of this time.

No, I don’t mind being alone with my thoughts.

That’s a bad thought!

I don’t like that thought!

What happens if I go to hell?

Chill out.

If I can’t hit the gym how will I ever be a good father?

Friendtopia

When my friends and I stick together there’s nothing we can’t do.

I specifically mean we’re going to stage a coup.

Squad goals!

A dystopia around our friendship

There’s a really exclusive sushi place that never lets us in.

Let’s just go home and drink rose.

I put drugs in the water supply.

Aww, I love Hocus Pocus.

Zig-a-zow!

Stuck in the Bathroom

Get me out of here!

Tonight was already super weird and now [you’re/she’s/he’s] stuck in the bathroom.

I have a deceptive amount of muscular strength thanks to my amazing core.

Her little bird arms aren’t going to do anything!

Whoever renovated this house did a terrible job!

I can’t believe it took us that long to come up with the most obvious solution.

Research Me Obsessively

Hey, what are you doing for the next, like, thirteen hours?

Don't do anything healthy. Don't be productive. Give in to your desire.

Find out everything you can about me

You Go First

We used to be there for each other, every second

I really wanna tell you that I'm sorry!

I really wanna tell you that I am the worst!

I just want to say I miss you every day!

This is almost entirely all my fault here. But you gotta admit it's just a tiny bit your fault too.

Sometimes you can be really passive aggressive!

Sometimes you can be really self-involved.

Go ahead and say you're kind of sorry! So I can say "Oh, no, no, no, please!” Just like I rehearsed!

If you open the door, I'll apologize so much more.

[But] You go first!

So Maternal

Parenting ain’t harrowing, demanding or traumatic!

Step aside ladies, give your babies to a Carol Brady level matriarch.

Low expectations - Raise ‘em up!

You know, I guess I just instinctively get how to be a mom and that's what sets me apart from other "mothers."

Damn, I’m so maternal!

Duh!

Duh! What was I thinking?

Can’t believe I couldn’t see it all along.

Don’t know what was going through my mind!

I’m just like -- ugh! God, I’m so stupid.

Looking back on old times. Like that one time. And that other time.

It’s so obvious!

Duh!

Who’s the New Guy?

Who's the new guy? I don't trust him

Do we really need a new guy this far into the season? And by "far into the season" I mean it's almost fall.

He's suspiciously good looking. In ways that normal people are not

Is this someone new we're gonna have to grow to care about?

Why should we root for someone male, straight and white?

We’ll Never Have Problems Again

We’ll never have problems again!

It's only smooth, smooth sailing from now on…

We used to have problems but now they're gone.

Do you remember, back when we had problems?

Man, that was annoying.

But now our love has magically solved [our problems].

And there won't be any more [problems] in our future at all!

Fine. I guess I’ll just Soul Train out of here.

The first test failed but that’s ‘cause it wasn’t true love.

They say obsession biologically lasts four years at most but science doesn't apply to us.

Remember That We Suffered

But before you feel too great...remember that we suffered!

But we sing in a minor key to remember that we suffered!

Being happy is selfish!

You have no idea what pain is!

When I say 'we' you say 'suffered'!

Santa Ana Winds

Hello there, it's me.

I make things weird

That's science for "a pain in your asses"

They just got Santa Ana winded!

I'm a prankster. Tee-hee-hee-hee.

I just wanna see what will happen

You're looking really guilty

That kiss was all your fault!

I just reveal your deepest wishes and fears

So it's you, ________. It's not me who is super weird.

You ruined everything.

Let’s Have Intercourse

Unfortunately, I want to have sex with you

I don't know what happened

For some reason, you're now on the top of my to-do list

Let's get this over with so I can focus on other tasks

Just pretend I'm seducing you

Let's quickly have intercourse so I can move on with my life

Once we do it, it'll be like “Well, that's what that was like.”

I mean, obviously you want to, too

Just super quickly have intercourse

Sometimes my body wants things that my mind does not

My body wants things that make my mind go, "Uh, body, what?"

We're animals It's unfortunate.

So come on, let's contortion it!

I won't be back to normal till I see what your nipples look like.

Until we stop wasting time talking 'bout it and we super quickly, it'll only take a second, have intercourse.

Good thing I happen to have an old condom In my wallet

You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)

You’re my best friend, and I know I’m not yours.

And that’s okay.

I’m not your best friend.

I’m okay.

Friendship doesn’t have to be a two-way street.

I don’t need a shoulder to cry!

Your best friend is somebody else. But I get it.

I love you like a sister and you love me like a second cousin.

I said it’s okay! Really!

Man Nap

It’s a man nap!

Time to nap like a man!

Life is so tiring when you’re a man.

It’s exhausting being so damn strong.

‘Cause when a man gets older, his testosterone starts getting low.

Tell Me I’m Okay, Patrick

You represent the outside world because you don’t know me.

No pressure, but I seriously need to know.

‘Cause I think I’m fine ______, but I’m only, like, forty-three percent sure.

I’m sorry that I yelled.

Tell me I’m okay.

Period Sex

It’s period sex.

Put down a towel, party till it’s dry.

Are those sheets expensive?

I’ll Venmo you back for your sheets.

I hope you can get those sheets again.

What a Rush to be a Bride

Can you believe you snagged him?

Forever you will have him standing right there by your side.

I’ve been picturing this day since I’ve been a little girl.

Why veer from the classics?

Rebecca’s Reprise

You’ve gotten everything you’ve ever wanted.

It turns out magic exists.

Everything in the past will just fade away.

I’ll never have problems again.

#⚜ memes ⚜#memes #askbox games #starters #ceg starter #rp starter #rp starters

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mtvswatches · 6 years ago

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Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x01 I Want to Be Here

Stray thoughts

1) Welcome to my first recap of the last season of CEG! I Hope you enjoy this (and if enough people are interested, I might recap the previous three seasons… eventually…) This is both a recap and a first reaction. I haven’t seen the episode yet so I will be writing my thoughts as I watch the episode for the first time. Yay!!

2) Okay, first comment: I love how they’ve changed the titles from “...Josh...” (or Jeff or Nathaniel or Trent…) to “I…”. I think it’s a clear indication of where this season is heading. Rebecca will finally grasp this concept of self-love, self-esteem, and identity. Your life needs to be your own before you can share it with someone, and I hope this is the philosophy that Rebecca embraces this season.

3) I’ve grown to like Nathaniel a lot, but he still needs to continue his journey on this show. He’s made a lot of progress, but the fact that he thinks Rebecca should prioritize him/their relationship over her own mental health and responsibilities and that he may think Rebecca pleading guilty reads as her not loving him enough shows that he still has a long way to go. This whole thing – Rebecca going to prison – has nothing to do with Nathaniel or her feelings for him. Yes, she did throw Trent over the balcony in order to save Nathaniel, but that’s it. Pleading insanity would’ve meant taking the easy way out, which has been Rebecca’s M.O. when it came to facing the music. Until last season, of course. A lot of her decisions were affected by her mental illness, but she truly needed to own up to everything she’d done and take responsibility for it. I get why Nathaniel might not agree with her decision, but he still should’ve stood by her side.

4) Okay, one of the reasons I love this show…

JUDGE: Everybody, just calm down. That's why I brought you into chambers to tell you that I can't accept Miss Bunch's guilty plea. For starters, it wasn't even really a plea. It was more of a speech filled with, uh, irrelevant details that you delivered to this lady with your back to me, and then I find out that you're in a romantic relationship with your actual lawyer, who I'm guessing is also in…

EVERYONE: Real estate.

This is such a beautiful way to deconstruct a trope without taking away from how effective and pivotal that scene was. Yes, as in most movies, Rebecca delivered a speech that moved most of the people in the courtroom as she pleaded guilty. Would this be acceptable in a real courtroom in real life? Obviously not. It was a great character moment for Rebecca, who obviously couldn’t help but have her Hero moment or Grand Gesture or whatever as the protagonists of movies are bound to do so. Of course, she’s not actually in a movie, so her speech, as beautiful and poignant as it was, won’t fly. Let’s not overlook the fact that all the lawyers attempting to defend Rebecca have ZERO experience in this type of cases, which is yet another thing that wouldn’t happen in real life and the show clearly points it out.

5) And I get where Paula’s coming from. Again, Rebecca needed to make a Grand Gesture because she’s still in this movie mindset by which in order to get Redemption you need to make a Great Sacrifice. In real life, it doesn’t really work that way. We find redemption in small – yet meaningful – acts. It’s a long, arduous journey, it cannot be accomplished with one great, over-sweeping act. Yes, what Rebecca did at the end of last season was, indeed, a grand gesture. But by their very nature gestures are merely an indication of good intentions that need to be followed and validated by other actions.

6) “I want to go to jail” “Jail is what I deserve” Let’s see how long this “gesture” lasts... (I’m guessing not long…)

7) Was this… a nipple slip?

Or is that shadowy thingy her fingers/hands?

8) Now, Rebecca and Nathaniel do have a lot in common…

NATHANIEL: It's not a pansy-ass camping trip. It's an intense outdoor survivalist excursion. That's why it's called Death Wish Adventures.

GEORGE: Love that name. Sounds therapeutic.

NATHANIEL: Oh, it is, it is. And for the low, low price of $100,000, I pay this company to beat me up, drive me out to the middle of the woods, and leave me alone to fend for myself.

Isn’t this pretty much what Rebecca is doing with her prison sentence? An over-the-top, uncalled-for reaction to a situation?

9) “I’m not killing myself, George! I’m going on a Death Wish Adventure!” *stabs bag with the machete* OMG the irony!

10) “How did I miss it, Hector?” Because…

11) Josh is basically taking the opposite route…

JOSH: Yeah, maybe I also have a disorder.

HECTOR: What, dude?

JOSH: Yeah, think about it. Okay, those things about Rebecca, they're not the only things I've missed, like, in life. I didn't realize being a priest would be such a bummer. I didn't realize I was dancing at a gay bar for, like, a month. I didn't realize your mom doesn't like it when I whistle in the shower. (…)

HECTOR: Maybe. Or maybe you're a little oblivious, self-absorbed, and need to be more aware of the world around you.

JOSH: No. Disorder.

HECTOR: Or..

JOSH: Disorder. I have one. I wonder which one.

Most of the things he’s “missed” are things that only call for… very basic common sense? But Josh is choosing to take the easy way out. It’s easier to blame our all bad decisions and poor judgment on a mental disorder than to accept the fact that maybe we’re just a big fat dum-dum.

Could he really have a disorder, though? I don’t know.

12) I just love how Rebecca’s cellmate is reading Webster’s Dictionary because why the hell not, right?

13) Oh, this scene…

First, OF COURSE Rebecca took the chance to get the leading role in this number (as opposed being a backup singer like she was in camp, if I remember correctly.) Not only that, but this is actually the first time we’ve seen her sing FOR REAL. As great as EVERY single song in this show is, all of them are “performed” – so to speak – in the characters’ minds. They are not real. The characters are not really breaking into song because, well, that’s just not what happens in the real world. We know that music and songs (and storytelling, to a certain extent) are part of Rebecca’s coping mechanism. So it’s disheartening yet realistic that she’s not actually talented. How hard must have been for Rachel to sing sort of badly?

14) Uh. The phrase “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” just came to mind. How is doing musical theatre – something she’s loved her entire life – penance?

15) This killed me…

And of course, he doesn’t read the first THREE results, he just goes “Ooh! QUIZ!!”

Yes, this will surely solve all your problems, Josh. I mean, who wouldn’t trust the diagnosis offered on a website that also gives you a quiche recipe, right? Sounds legit!

16) I think that Rebecca might have mistaken “penance” with “reward”…

17) And the first musical number!

I truly loved this number, I was watching it with the biggest smile on my face because I was enjoying so much what they were doing here. I mentioned before how I loved the fact that for the first time we got to see Rebecca singing for real, in a real-life context, where everyone is aware that she’s singing and participating in her song. What’s Your Story? is a great blend of that and the typical CEG musical number. Whereas Rebecca is definitely in her own mind, the people around her are pretty much in the here and now of the real world, with very natural reactions to her actions. This is how people would react to someone breaking into song in the real world and trying to romanticize or glamorize things that shouldn’t be, like crime. This is her big Chicago number, yet the criminals in the room, including herself, hardly deserve to be called that. Two shoplifters, a girl whose boyfriend’s meth was found in her car’s glove compartment and a “murderer” who had accidentally killed a teenager while texting and driving. There’s nothing glamorous about this. It’s sad, pathetic even. But of course, that’s only because they, unlike Rebecca, are not good storytellers. And this is how Rebecca is confronted with the reality of her “grand gesture.” She thinks she’s doing this great sacrifice because she’s decided to do her “penance” and spend some time in jail even though the judge did not accept her plea. To the others, she’s just a privileged idiot who thinks this is just a game and who is wasting their time.

Side note: I love the blink-and-you-miss-it tidbit with the two shoplifters and their respective sentences for the SAME crime… the difference being their skin color. And I love how the white lady simply apologizes and walks away.

18) Bless Hector and Heather!

HEATHER: Look, Josh, I really respect your search for self, but these are actual disorders people suffer from, and you're treating it like you're just, like, identity shopping.

HECTOR: Yeah, it's kind of gross.

So much YES. I love this show.

19) Nathaniel’s been in the woods for like four hours and he’s already eating roaches?

20) Nathaniel is season 1 Rebecca and George is season 1 Paula, right?

21) OMG I just called this!!

REBECCA: You know what? I have something to tell you. I figured out something huge. I am privileged.

HEATHER: That just occurred to you just right now?

22) OMG please tell me that we will get see bits of Terrier Chef???

23) Trent woke up from his comma and confessed everything??? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

24) BLESS YOU HEATHER!

REBECCA: What did you expect? I came here to pay penance, and I have not done that yet. I did the opposite of that. I was selfish and I tried to force my own narrative on these women, and steal their stories for my own purposes. And for what? For what? For a Lin-Manuel Miranda tweet?

VALENCIA: Oh, he is so inspirational. Did you know he grew that ponytail just for that show?

HEATHER: What? Okay, Rebecca, I hate to break it to you, but you know, whatever you do in here, nothing is gonna change the fact that you're a rich white lawyer lady who pled guilty for dramatic effect.

25) And bless Valencia, too! (Girl Group 4eva!)

VALENCIA: Uh-uh-uh, honey, you staying here doesn't help anyone who's been wronged, just like your guilty plea didn't help anyone you'd wronged.

This is precisely what I was trying to say when I talked about how small Rebecca’s grand gesture actually was. She wasn’t actively doing anything to make up for her wrongdoings, other than painting herself the victim, yet again.

26) I think staying in jail is yet another way of avoiding responsibility for her actions while convincing herself of the opposite, don’t you think? Like, I can totally imagine someone calling Rebecca out for something she’s done, and her going “I WENT TO JAIL FOR THAT! WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?”, you know? And, idk, maybe don’t go to jail and actually try to make things better with real, tangible actions towards the people you’ve wronged? Just a thought!

27) Second song!!

Ugh, what a great way to convey this very human emotion of self-pity and self-absorption… I think we’re all guilty of this, at one point or another. When we feel like shit, it kind of makes us feel worse and better to believe no one can understand what we’re going through because no one in the history of humanity has ever felt this way before. (I do think that’s true in one sense, but that’s beside the point right now.) Believing that at the very least we’re unique in having these crappy feelings is a bit comforting. We’re telling ourselves “if anything else, you’re special because of this, because no one else has ever felt like you feel right now.” The thing is, we should actually find comfort in knowing the opposite - that many people before us have felt and many people after us will feel – if not exactly then something very close to - what we’re feeling because, well, we’re all human. Many people have felt this, many people have dealt with these feelings, conquered them, coped with them. And so can we. That’s the thought that we should find comforting.

So it’s nice that even though Rebecca, Nathaniel, and Josh indulge in this moment of self-pity and self-centeredness, they do come to the realization that there are people who care enough about them to want them to get better, even if they can’t really understand what they’re going through. Nathaniel turns to his only friend, Josh turns to the drunk lady at the bar (but listens to Heather and Hector’s advice in doing so,) and Rebecca leaves prison and joins her friends.

28) Dr MAN Akopian! OMG!

29) Bless this show, bless this fucking show!

JOSH: But so if-if I don't have a disorder, what can I do? Because something is clearly wrong.

DR MAN AKOPIAN: You can do exactly what you're doing sitting here with me. Look within. Josh, it's not about checking a box and getting a fancy label, or 12, for what's bothering you. Instead, you can think about the choices you make and why you make them.

JOSH: That sounds hard.

DR MAN AKOPIAN: Yeah, yeah. But don't worry. It will take a long time.

30) OMFG, this show, oh god how I’ve missed this show!!!

REBECCA: Everything I do is wrong, by definition. Because of my privilege.

VALENCIA: Okay, that's it. I've had enough. Rebecca, if I hear you say the word "privilege" one more time… You have privilege. I'm glad you acknowledge it. So now you have a choice. Do something good for the world that actually helps people, or shut up. But stop whining.

This is such an important message, so important! Rebecca was yet again using her privilege to victimize herself and avoid taking responsibility/action. Yes, you are privileged. What really matters is what you do with your privilege, how you use it to help those who are unprivileged. Otherwise, you’ll be falling again into the empty gestures pattern…

31) Kudos to Nathaniel for apologizing and admitting that he shouldn’t have skedaddled when Rebecca didn’t do exactly what he wanted her to do.

32) But… they’re at very different stages of their journey… Like I said, Nathaniel probably mirrors Season 1 or Season 2 Rebecca, and Rebecca is a bit ahead of him… so yeah, it doesn’t really make much sense for them to be together right now. So I think telling Nathaniel to leave was a very brave decision for Rebecca and one that she wouldn’t have been able to do not that long ago.

33) Why was Darryl eating imaginary ceviche, though?

34) Quick! What’s the music that plays when Paula asks her “what’s next, Cookie?” That’s killing me!!

35) Good for you, Rebecca!

REBECCA: So when I'm not forcing my opinions and entitlement on everybody else… Sorry for that… I'm actually a pretty good lawyer.

And I don't know much about criminal cases, but I can study up and with your permission, I would love to try and help you and any of the other women in here.

36) OF COURSE!!!

37) As usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Crazy Ex Girlfriend #CEG #Rebecca Bunch #Rachel Bloom #CEG 4X01 #recap #mine #MTVSwatches #please forgive me if there are many typos or grammar mistakes #I didn't proofread this #I wanted to post it asap #CEG recap

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ltrmotorsportsmotorcycleschool · 4 years ago

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Working on a customer's bike changing out the starter, oil & filter ,battery and new brake pads. On this beautiful day. #ltrmotorsportsmotorcycleschool #backyardmechanic #ltrmotorsports #workingonbikes #statenisland https://www.instagram.com/p/CEg-iNiBD3i/?igshid=100832pof0ti2

#ltrmotorsportsmotorcycleschool #backyardmechanic #ltrmotorsports #workingonbikes #statenisland

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apprenticeshipsinlondon · 7 years ago

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HR Apprentice

Cambridge, Cambridge, UK QA Ltd (Apprenticeships) Employer Description Come and work with a large team in a Head Office location in Cambridge. We are a global organisation with many cultures and a diverse team. Cambridge Education Group (CEG) is one of the world's leading providers of pre-university academic, creative and English language courses. We provide pre-university programmes including A Level, International Baccalaureate and University Foundation, as well as English Language study, to the growing market of international students seeking to enter the world's leading universities. The Group operates under four different brands: CATS College - high schools in Cambridge, Canterbury, London, and Boston, USA; Cambridge School of Visual & Performing Arts (CSVPA) - Art & Design, Drama and Music courses in Cambridge, UK; ONCAMPUS - teaching foundation courses to university degrees on campuses in the UK, USA and mainland Europe; and Stafford House - year-round English Language schools in Brighton, Canterbury and London, and Study Holiday centres across the UK and the USA for juniors. Visit our website for more information ************** Job Description The post holder will work with a team of HR professionals to provide general and HR administrative support to ensure that we are meeting statutory safeguarding requirements and UKVI regulations. The successful applicant will be expected to undertake a variety of administrative duties both independently and under supervision for both Head Office and for Schools. This is a great opportunity to work and learn from a professional and diverse HR team. Main role/ responsibilities - Create offer packs, contracts of employments, change to contract letters & leaver letters - Administer all new starter paperwork e.g. pre-employment checks, and references for ONCAMPUS, SHI & Digital. (in the absence of HR Administrator also for CATS, CSVPA, Head Office & Consultants) - Data inputting of new starter employment details onto HR database - Ensure the Central Register and recruitment trackers are all maintained and accurate - Ensure all Right to work details are up to date and meet UKVI regulations - Help to manage the HR inbox - Ensure all personnel files are set up legally and kept up to date - Ensure the maintenance of employee records, ensuring complete accuracy and confidentiality - Assist with general copying, filing, archiving of documents as required - Arrange the weekly stationery and grocery order - Provide the first point of contact in a polite and upbeat manner for the main telephone number and calls from the Kett House reception - Provide a high level of customer service - Attend to ad hoc requests from the HR Executive in a timely and polite manner - In the absence of the HR Executive deal with the internal and external post - In the absence of the HR Administrator assist with the recruitment process - Attend 2 weekly HR Global HR meeting with HR team Qualities/ essential requirements - Good IT skills; ability to use Microsoft Office packages including Work, Excel and Outlook - training will also be given - Excellent relationship building skills - High level of attention to detail and high level of accuracy - Strong written and verbal communication skills - Excellent interpersonal and communications skills, in person, by telephone and in email - Exceptional time management & organisational skills, has the ability to manage multiple tasks and projects - A friendly professional manner and appearance - Driven and self-motivated Desired Qualification Educated to at least GCSE standard, with passes at Grade C (or equivalent) in English and Mathematics Other Important information Working days/hours - Monday-Friday, 8am - 5pm from Youth In Jobs https://youthinjobs.co.uk/job/58259/hr-apprentice/

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